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simulacrumcfp · 4 years

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CALL FOR PAPERS: MYTHS

Two mermaids, from Apocalypse, Prophecy of the Tiburtine Sibyl, Harley MS 4972 f. 20r, 1275-1325.

He placed one hand upon my shoulder and, holding me tight, bared my throat with the other, saying as he did so: “First, a little refreshment to reward my exertions. You may as well be quiet; it is not the first time, or the second, that your veins have appeased my thirst!”

Lucy’s eyes were unclean […], instead of pure.

Poor Lucy finds herself tainted by the bite of Count Dracula, an aristocratic Transylvanian vampire that is thirsty for blood, out to export his barbaric ways to Victorian England. In his Dracula (1897), Bram Stoker utilises the myth of the vampire to warn the Victorian reader of the Eastern threat, by portraying Eastern Europe as a place of backwardness and barbaric – vampiristic – rituals. Myths about vampires have been around since the medieval period, when they were commonly linked to profanity. Stoker’s Dracula is the resurrection of a mythological figure, one that can be guided in all sorts of directions, for what was once the myth of the undead has come to represent the fears and threats of the time in which they are resurrected.

Since ancient times, myths have spoken of the how’s and why’s located at the limits of human understanding, designating that place where intellect fails. There, where knowers stop knowing, we story. In The World of Myth (1990) David Leeming writes that ‘human beings have traditionally used stories to describe or explain things they could not otherwise,’ pointing to the timeless human tendency to grapple with the unknown through story. The myth functions as the means by which we relate to the unknown, embodying our wonderings of the worlds beyond human ratio.

These stories are then conveyed through artworks, literature, history, or religion. Myths, however, do not just function as a source of inspiration for the arts, but often find their origin in art, spreading, evolving, and growing with different art forms and styles. The Venus Anadyomene, for example, first emerged from the sea in the Theogony – a poem by Hesiod from the 8th century BC. This specific depiction of Venus, daughter of Jupiter and Dione, as birthed by the sea was then made famous by the painting by Apelles (4th century BC). Although this painting has long been lost, it was described by Pliny in his Naturalis Historia (1st century AD), which served as an iconological guidebook for artists. From the orators who tell and retell their stories throughout generations, to the poets who write them down, to the sculptors who carve them out, stories are kept alive. To this day, Venus is most commonly known as the goddess who rose from the sea.

In the Danish fairytale Den Lille Havfrue (1837) by Hans Christian Andersen, sea foam is not where love is born, but where love goes to die. In the Walt Disney adaptation of the fairytale, The Little Mermaid (1989), mermaid princess Ariel, daughter of king Triton, falls in love with a human prince and gives up her tail to be with him. In the original, quite grim, fairytale by Andersen, the little mermaid finds her prince lying with another. She refuses to stab the lovers to death, as her sisters urge her to, and as a result of her broken heart she dissolves in the foam of the waves.

In Japan, ancient folklore is being retold to a modern audience through the films by Hayao Miyazaki. His Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (Spirited Away, 2001) animates kami, spirits, washing themselves in a bathhouse as a result of pollution and human activity. This mirrors the Shinto belief that both gods and nature have to be respected and kept clean, and serves as a modern warning. Their demonic counterparts, the oni, take form in the character of Yubaba, who is based on the archetype of the mountain witch, or yumuaba. By taking Japanese mythology as a starting point, Miyazaki is able to create a fantasy-scape: a place where the unthinkable becomes possible.

Perhaps our first association with mythology brings us back to Ancient Greece. But for them, μῦθος simply meant a story – whether a true or false one, gossip, a historical tale or one of faeries, even a dream. Mῦθος and λόγος, two seemingly opposite terms, fantasy and reason, come together in mythology: the analysing and explaining of stories. There are several ways in which a myth can be explained, and therefore one can also speak of several mythologies. In Creative Mythology (1968) for example, American mythologist Joseph Campbell describes how literary figures such as Thomas Mann or James Joyce managed to make themselves into “living myths,” by translating individual experiences through the correct signs. Shakespeare, with his plays, even managed to create myths around historical figures such as King Henry IV, attracting audiences that were eager to learn about history. History has made other figures into myths as well, such as Louis XIV, known as the Sun King, or Marie Antoinnete.

In his Mythologies (1957) Roland Barthes explains the creation and circulation of myths through signs and language. According to Barthes, myths are a societal necessity created on the basis of contemporary social value systems, whereby myth formation should mainly be seen as a semiological process, partly as an ideological one. In the essay “Myth Today,” Barthes examines French bourgeois myths that are deeply rooted in society, yet often go unnoticed or taken as fact. By deconstructing modern myths that are spread through advertisements and propaganda, Barthes is able to get to the core of the societal value system of his time. Most famously, he deconstructs the myths around France’s two national products: steak frites and red wine. Both serve as metaphors for blood which, in French society, equals vitality and virility, which equals masculinity, which equals superiority. Equating France with steak frites and red wine then means equating France with virility, masculinity, superiority.

In “The Double Standard of Aging” (1972), Susan Sontag tackles another modern myth that is deeply-rooted in society, concerning women and age. In the essay, she explains how and why women “of a certain age” are deemed physically undesirable, noting that this differentiates per country. She explains that urbanised societies allow two standards of male beauty, the man and the boy, but only one of female beauty: the girl. This societal judgement of beauty mirrors the evolutionary myth that the value of women is based on their ability for procreation. As a woman’s fertility decreases with age, so does her societal worth.

As the myth moves beyond the human, outside the world as we know it, it writes a strange universe. It points to that which is not completely explainable according to our current structures for categorising the world. The enchanted world of the supernatural, with its gods, witches, and vampires, perhaps writes of a darker, less knowable reality. Their magic, spells, and strange rituals trouble the disenchanted story of Enlightenment, which tells of reason, control, and certainty – a myth in itself. But even though these supernatural entities tell of the incredible and unbelievable, they remain somewhat explainable. Vampires, gods, and witches, for example, are familiar figures based on a set of commonly understood fictions, differing ever so slightly from the human. ‘In many ways, a natural phenomenon such as a black hole is more weird than a vampire,’ writes Mark Fisher in The Weird and The Eerie (2016). We understand where to place and how to interpret the vampire as a fictional entity. A black hole actually exists, yet we do not understand its strange ways of bending space and time. Science Fiction balances on this thin line between fiction and reality. Perhaps the biggest myths, strangest entities, and weirdest monsters are not necessarily found within the fictional realm of the supernatural but right here in ‘the natural.’

‘Coral reefs are monsters.’ In the Arts of Living on a Damaged Planet (2017), Anna Tsing equates this natural phenomenon to the supernatural. Like the mythical chimeras of ancient Greece – beasts made up of the head of a lion, the body of a goat, and the tail of a snake – coral reefs are made of mismatched parts. They embody a strange species encounter as their polyps grow from both animal, plant, and more. Symbiosis, the interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association, might point to some monstrous truth essential to our current epoch of living with the world. In all our vulnerable entanglements with more than human life – we humans too are monsters.

There are literary differences to be found between myths, fairy tales, sagas, lores, fables, and legends. Fairy tales, for example, often take place in a fantastical world, in which magical creatures roam, and battles between Good and Evil take place. Myths, on the other hand, often have a basis in religion and tell stories about gods or divine creators. Both contain supernatural elements, sometimes these have a basis in history, sometimes in religion, and sometimes in fantasy. For this issue of Simulacrum, we have therefore chosen to soften the boundaries between these ways of storytelling, in order to be open to multiple mythologies, their meanings, and interpretations.

Fancy yourself a modern mythologist? Write an article of 1.000, 1.400, or 1.800 words for our upcoming issue, Mythologies. The deadline for first drafts is the 15th of November, 2020. Would you rather write a column, an interview, fiction, poetry, or do you know an artist whose work fits with this theme? Email us at [email protected]. Please send articles as .doc or .docx and portfolio’s as PDF.

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CALL FOR PAPERS: Mythologieën

Hij legde een hand op mijn schouder, hield me stevig vast, ontblootte mijn keel met de andere en zei daarbij: ‘Eerst een beetje verfrissing om mijn inspanningen te belonen. U kunt net zo goed stil zijn; het is niet de eerste keer, of de tweede, dat je aderen mijn dorst hebben gestild!’

Lucy’s ogen waren onrein [...], in plaats van puur

Lucy wordt gebeten door de bloeddorstige Graaf Dracula, een aristocratische vampier uit Transsylvanië, die er op uit is om zijn zondige en barbaarse levensstijl naar Victoriaans Engeland over te brengen. In zijn roman Dracula (1897) zet Bram Stoker de mythische vampier in om de Victoriaanse lezers te waarschuwen voor de opkomende ‘dreiging van het Oosten’ door Oost-Europa af te schilderen als een plek van barbaarse – vampiristische – rituelen. Mythes over vampieren gaan al rond sinds de middeleeuwen en werden toen vooral gelinkt aan godslastering. Met Dracula wekt Stoker dit mythologische figuur op uit de dood en blaast deze nieuw leven in. De vampier, eens de mythe van de ondoden, vertegenwoordigt voortaan de angsten en bedreigingen van de tijd waarin ze herrijst.

Sinds de oudheid gaan mythen over het hoe en het waarom. Daarmee bevinden ze zich aan de grenzen van het menselijk begrip – daar waar het intellect faalt, wordt er verhaald. In The World of Myth (1990) schrijft David Leeming dat ‘mensen van oudsher verhalen hebben gebruikt om dingen te beschrijven of uit te leggen die ze zonder niet zouden kunnen,’ duidend op een tijdloze menselijke neiging om door middel van verhaal door het onbekende te navigeren. Zo functioneert de mythe als het middel waarmee we ons verhouden tot het onbekende, en belichaamt deze onze verwondering over de werelden buiten de menselijke ratio.

Deze verhalen leven vervolgens door via de kunst, literatuur, geschiedenis of religie. Mythen gelden echter niet alleen als inspiratiebron voor de kunsten, maar vinden ook vaak hun oorsprong in de kunst, en verspreiden, evolueren en groeien met verschillende kunstvormen en -stijlen mee. Zo verrees de Venus Anadyomene voor het eerst uit de zee in de Theogonie - een gedicht van Hesiodus uit de 8e eeuw BC. Deze specifieke weergave van Venus, dochter van Jupiter en Dione, als geboren uit de zee werd vervolgens beroemd gemaakt door het schilderij van Apelles (4e eeuw BC). Hoewel het schilderij verloren is geraakt, werd de Venus Anadyomene door Plinius beschreven in de Naturalis Historia (1e eeuw AD), dat diende als iconologische handboek voor volgende generaties kunstenaars. Van de redenaars die generaties lang hun verhalen vertellen, tot de dichters die ze opschrijven en de beeldhouwers die ze uithakken, worden verhalen levend gehouden. Zo staat Venus tot op de dag van vandaag bekend als de godin die uit de zee verrees.

In het Deense sprookje Den Lille Havfrue (1837) van Hans Christian Andersen is zeeschuim niet waar de liefde wordt geboren, maar waar liefde sterft. In de Walt Disney-bewerking van het sprookje, De Kleine Zeemeermin (1989), wordt zeemeermin prinses Ariel, dochter van koning Triton, verliefd op een menselijke prins en geeft ze haar schubben op om bij hem te zijn. In de originele, aanzienlijk grimmigere versie van Andersen treft de kleine zeemeermin haar beminde in bed bij een ander aan. Ze weigert de twee geliefden dood te steken, zoals haar zussen haar toe aanzetten, en als gevolg van haar gebroken hart lost ze op in het schuim van de golven.

In Japan wordt oude folklore voorgedragen aan een modern publiek door de films van Hayao Miyazaki. De geanimeerde Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (De reis van Chihiro, 2001) brengt kami, geesten, tot leven. Ten gevolge van menselijke vervuiling moeten de kami zich wassen in badhuizen om zichzelf weer schoon te krijgen. Deze moderne interpretatie weerspiegelt het Shinto-geloof dat zowel goden als de natuur moeten worden gerespecteerd door ze schoon te houden. De demonische tegenhangers, de oni, krijgen vorm in het karakter van Yubaba, die is gebaseerd op het archetype van de bergheks, de yumuaba. Door de Japanse mythologie als uitgangspunt te nemen, is Miyazaki in staat een ‘fantasyscape’ te creëren: een plek waar het ondenkbare mogelijk wordt.

Wellicht brengt een eerste associatie met mythologie ons terug naar de Klassieke Oudheid. Voor de Grieken betekende μῦθος echter simpelweg een verhaal – of dit nu een waar of een onwaar verhaal was; roddels, geschiedenis of een sprookje, zelfs dromen werden gezien als mythe. Mῦθος en λόγος, twee ogenschijnlijk tegengestelde termen, de fantasie en de rede, komen samen in de mythologie: het analyseren en verklaren van verhalen. Er zijn verschillende manieren waarop een mythe verklaard kan worden, en daarom kan er ook sprake zijn van meerdere mythologieën. In Creative Mythology (1968) beschrijft de Amerikaanse mytholoog Joseph Campbell bijvoorbeeld hoe literaire figuren als Thomas Mann of James Joyce erin slaagden om 'levende mythen' van zichzelf te maken door individuele ervaringen met de juiste tekens te vertalen. Shakespeare slaagde er met zijn toneelstukken in mythen te creëren rondom historische figuren zoals koning Hendrik IV, en trok daarmee een publiek aan dat graag over de geschiedenis wilde leren. Zo ook zijn andere figuren zoals Lodewijk XIV, beter bekend als de Zonnekoning, of Marie Antoinette, binnen de historie tot mythen geraakt.

In Mythologies (1975) analyseert Roland Barthes het ontstaan en de circulatie van mythen aan de hand van semiotiek en taal. Volgens Barthes zijn mythen onmisbaar in de maatschappij en baseren zij zich op hedendaagse sociale waardesystemen, waarbij de formatie van de mythe voornamelijk gezien moet worden als een semiologisch process en deels ideologisch. In het essay “Myth Today,” onderzoekt Barthes diepgewortelde Franse mythen die nochtans onopgemerkt blijven of als feit worden beschouwd. Door de deconstructie van moderne mythen, verspreid door reclame en propaganda, komt Barthes tot de kern van zijn eigentijdse sociale waardesysteem. Meest bekend is de deconstructie van de mythe rondom twee nationale Franse producten: biefstuk en rode wijn. Beide dienen als metafoor voor bloed, dat in de Franse maatschappij rijmt met vitaliteit en moed, die rijmen met mannelijkheid, dat rijmt met superioriteit. Het gelijkstellen van Frankrijk aan biefstuk en rode wijn betekent het gelijkstellen van Frankrijk aan moed, mannelijkheid en superioriteit.

In The Double Standard of Aging (1972) pakt Susan Sontag een andere diepgewortelde mythe aan, een omtrent vrouwen en leeftijd. In haar essay zet ze uit een hoe en waarom vrouwen vanaf een bepaalde leeftijd fysiek niet begeerbaar worden geacht, en merkt hierbij op dat dit per land verschilt. Ze legt uit dat verstedelijkte samenlevingen twee normen voor mannelijke schoonheid kennen, die van de man en die van de jongen, en maar een voor vrouwen, die van het meisje. Dit maatschappelijke schoonheidsoordeel weerspiegeld de evolutaire mythe die stelt dat de waarde van een vrouw gelijk staat aan haar voortplantingsvermogen. Net zoals de vruchtbaarheid van een vrouw verminderd naarmate zij verjaard, verminderd ook haar maatschappelijke waarde.

Naarmate de mythe de mens passeert, buiten de wereld zoals wij haar kennen treedt, schept ze een vreemd universum. Ze wijst naar dat wat we nog niet kunnen verklaren met onze huidige structuren voor het categoriseren van de wereld. Het betoverde rijk van het bovennatuurlijke, met haar goden, heksen en vampiers, schetst wellicht een donkerdere realiteit die zich minder goed laat kennen. Hun magie, spreuken en vreemde rituelen zetten zich af tegen het onttoverde narratief van de verlichting, welk van rede, controle en verstand spreekt – een mythe an sich. Maar hoewel deze bovennatuurlijke entiteiten verhalen vertellen over het ongelofelijke, blijven ze enigszins verklaarbaar. Vampiers, goden en heksen bijvoorbeeld, zijn vertrouwde figuren gebaseerd op een verzameling van collectieve fictie, die net afwijken van het menselijke. ‘In many ways, a natural phenomenon such as a black hole is more weird than a vampire,’ schreef Mark Fisher in The Weird and the Eerie (2016). We begrijpen hoe we vampiers als fictionele entiteit moeten plaatsen en interpreteren. Zwarte gaten bestaan echter wél, terwijl wij hun vreemde manieren in het buigen van tijd en ruimte niet bevatten. Science-fiction balanceert op deze dunne lijn tussen fictie en realiteit. Misschien zijn de grootste mythen, raarste entiteiten en meest vervreemdende monsters wel niet te vinden in het fictionele landschap van het bovennatuurlijke maar juist pal hier in het ‘natuurlijke.’

‘Coral reefs are monsters.’ In Arts of Living on a Dying Planet (2017), stelt Anna Tsing dit natuurlijke fenomeen gelijk aan het bovennatuurlijke. Zoals de mythische chimeras uit de Griekse oudheid – beesten met het hoofd van een leeuw, het lichaam van een geit en de staart van een slang – bestaan koraalriffen uit mismatched onderdelen. Met hun poliepen die zowel dierlijk als plantaardig kunnen zijn, belichamen ze een vreemde ontmoeting tussen de soorten. Symbiose, de interactie tussen twee verschillende organismen die in nauw contact met elkaar leven, wijzen ons wellicht naar een bepaalde, monsterlijke waarheid die essentieel is aan ons huidige tijdperk van leven met de aarde. In al onze kwetsbare verstrengelingen met meer dan menselijk leven, zijn ook wij mensen monsters.

Er zijn literaire verschillen te vinden tussen mythen, sprookjes, sagen, fabels en legenden. Sprookjes, bijvoorbeeld, vinden vaak plaats in een fantasiewereld, waar magische figuren rondzwerven en een strijd tussen goed en kwaad plaatsvindt. Mythes, aan de andere kant, vinden vaak hun oorsprong in religie en vertellen over goden en hemelse scheppers. Beiden bevatten bovennatuurlijke elementen. Soms ligt de basis daarvan in geschiedenis, soms in religie, soms in fantasie. Voor deze uitgave van Simulacrum hebben we er daarom voor gekozen de grenzen tussen deze literaire genres te vervagen, om ons open te stellen voor verschillende mythologieën, hun betekenissen en interpretaties.

Waan je jezelf een moderne mytholoog? Schrijf een artikel van 1.000, 1.400 of 1.800 woorden voor ons komende nummer Mythologieën. De deadline voor de eerste versies is op 15 november 2020. Schrijf je liever een column, interview, fictie of poëzie, of ken je een kunstenaar wiens werk in dit thema ligt? Email naar [email protected]. Voeg artikelen s.v.p. bij als .doc of .docx en portfolio’s als PDF.

#call for papers #myths

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oh-my-spn-one-shots · 7 years

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What Destiny Has Chosen - Story Time

Words: 2.133

Pairing: Sabriel (Sam x Gabriel)

Warnings: Retelling of violence, psychological pain

Summary: Sam and Gabriel spend some alone time. What is Sam going to think of Gabriel after finding out about his past? (Contains a shortened and much less graphic version of Gabriel's Story, which I will link below)

A/N: As promised, here comes another chapter. I hope you won’t have to wait so long for the next but I can’t promise anything, me and my beta/editor/friend @godisalwayswright are very busy at the moment but we’ll do our best. As always, comments, likes and reblogs are very welcome. Love ya all!

What Destiny Has Chosen series:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Prequel Gabriel

Part One Part Two

Gabriel grins from ear to ear as he follows the black car to Sam's place. He had finally told Sam about them being soulmates and, what is even more important, convinced Sam to believe him. So needless to say, he feels on top of the world, just completely fantastic, like nothing could ever hurt him again.

The blonde haired man thinks back to the kiss they shared, it wasn’t particularly heated but filled with meaning and Gabriel thinks he's already on his way to being addicted to kissing Sam Winchester.

Sam Winchester... His soulmate. Even thinking that makes a warm, prickling feeling spread through his body. But then Gabriel starts thinking about his secrets and his past, the things he'd have to tell Sam.

What will Sam think about him once he knows his brother is a murderer? Will Sam think differently about him? Will they be okay? Will he still consider a relationship?

All these questions dampen the happiness in his heart but at least they don't kill it altogether. He must trust Sam to not think of his brother's faults as Gabriel's.

Gabe parks the motorbike in the parking lot next to the impala and climbs off, taking off his helmet and holding onto it tight.

A small, content smile spreads on his face as Sam gets out of the car and mentions him to follow. Gabriel quickly catches up to Sam and his brother.

"So you're back to talking, huh?" Jake raises a brow at them as he unlocks the door.

"Yes and now shut up." Sam grins and leads Gabriel inside. "We'll be in my room if you need us." He calls over his shoulder before smirking as he walks to his room slowly and clearly still in at least a little pain from his healing injuries. Sam swings open the door and holds it for Gabriel who walks in, eager to get out of the sight of Sam's brother's curious and suspicious eyes.

As Sam closes the door behind them and turns around, Gabriel has already plopped himself down on the bed.

"So you're Gabriel Novak, not George Smith." Sam states more than asks.

Gabriel nods slightly. "In the flesh. And you're Sam Winchester and not Tom Baker." This gets a nod from Sam this time.

"So you're not named after the actor of the 4th doctor after all." Gabriel jokes and Sam laughs.

"No I'm not." An uncomfortable silence spreads between them and Sam takes a deep breath and steps closer to the boy on his bed.

"So why do you have a fake identity?" Sam's question hangs in the air heavily for a few moments and he can see Gabriel's smile fade to be replaced with an expression of sorrow.

Sam sits down on bed next to him and frowns. It feels alien but at the same time oh so right as he reaches out to take Gabriel's hands in his own and squeezes it reassuringly.

The taller boy is about to say that the other doesn't have to tell him as Gabriel starts to speak.

"My brother and I are in witness protection program." Gabriel says quietly, looking at their joined hands on the blanket.

Shock is written over Sam's features as he squeezes Gabe's hand softly once more, not saying anything. He wants to give his friend time to open up at his own pace.

After a few deep shuddering breaths, golden eyes lock with worried green ones. "When I was 8 years old I came home from school, proud that I had gotten an A on a test I had studied for with my oldest brother." Gabriel states, glad that Sam isn't asking any questions, though the confusion is evident in his eyes at the mention of an older brother.

"Lucifer called me to the cellar and I went without hesitation. What I found wasn't the brother I grew up with but a cruel and cold replacement. Lucifer had our father tied to a chair and told me about his mother. Our father cheated on his mother with ours when he was drunk and it broke Lucifer's mother’s heart who later died with Luci watching. Anyway, he then forced me to witness dad being tortured."

Gabriel has to look away as he gulps, feeling unshed tears burning in his eyes, his whole body is shivering. Sam notices and immediately pulls him close to his chest, taking the blanket off the bed and wrapping it about the two of them.

Gabriel leans against Sam heavily, he's never talked about this to anyone but Cas, his mother and a therapist who claimed him okay after 4 meetings. Talking to Sam now feels weird, it opens up old wounds but at the same time it feels like now they finally have the chance to really heal.

Sam still hadn't said anything but Gabriel is fine with that. His left hand entwined with Sam as the other comes to rest on Sam's chest, playing with a button of his shirt. A small smile tugs at the corners of the shorter boy's face as he registers the hard muscles underneath the clothing covering Sam. Gabe then closes his eyes and continues to tell the story.

"I begged him to stop but Lucifer said that if I did anything I'd be put in my father's place." The hand rubbing circles on Gabriel's back feels good, making him relax just a little, making it easier to talk.

"Michael, my second oldest brother, came bursting in and when he saw what happened he attacked Lucifer, tackled him. I don't think it was intentional but Lucifer was still holding the knife he used to hurt our father and it impaled Michael's chest." At the last word Gabriel's voice breaks and the tears finally start falling, from Sam’s shoulder Gabe looks up at him.

Sam looks at Gabe, not with pity as Gabe had feared but with worry and a weird sort of pain that Gabriel can't really get a read on. After a moment Sam leans down a bit, lifting Gabriel's chin a bit as he kisses him softly, comfortingly on the lips. Both their eyes are closed and Gabriel lets go, losing himself in the kiss for a moment, letting it charge his batteries.

After a bit Sam breaks the kiss and peppers small kisses on Gabriel's cheeks, after a bit Gabriel notices that Sam is kissing away the tears still falling steadily from his eyes. It feels good, he feels cherished by Sam and that sparks something inside him. It tickles in Gabriel's tummy, for the first time he understands the metaphor ‘butterflies in your stomach’.

As Sam wipes away the last tracks of tears with his thumb, Gabriel rests his head once again on Sam's shoulder.

A minute later Gabriel finds his voice once again, determined to finish telling his story this time. "Lucifer looked shocked as Michael laid on the ground, dying. I ran over there and tried to help my brother, not knowing what to do. But since Lucifer wasn't paying us any attention Mike managed to sneak me his phone, telling me to call 911.

I held Michael's hand as he died but I had to call 911, after all it was the last thing he asked of me. I don't know how I managed but I called and only after saying a few words already, did Lucifer register. I started running away, desperate to finish the call before Lucifer caught me. He knocked me out cold. When I woke up in hospital they told me that my father and Mike were dead."

The tight squeeze around him caused by Sam calmed him in a weird way, it was as if this hug is holding Gabe together, stopping him from breaking.

"They caught Lucifer not long after but he only got a 10 years prison sentence. My mother died a year ago, she's had depressions ever since 'the incident'. I had only turned 17 but the witness protection program didn't want my brother and I to get a guardian. They had me checked by a psychologist who declared me mature enough to look after myself and my brother. They changed my fake ID's birthday so I was officially 18 years old. We live off the money the state sends us and what we inherited from our parents. I always wanted to one day have a real family again, one of the reasons I was so desperate to find my soulmate."

Gabriel finally ends his story and feels Sam rest his lips on the top his head. They sit like this for a while but as Gabe yawns Sam snuggles them in the bed, so they're fully laying on it, their heads resting on the pillow. Gabriel snuggles into Sam's side, his head now on his chest, listening to the strong and steady heartbeat of his soulmate.

"You're unbelievably strong Gabriel. I'm proud that you managed to get through all of that without breaking. You've become an incredible person and I can't believe I deserve a soulmate like you." It's the first time that Sam has spoken since Gabriel started telling his story. The low rumble of the taller boy's voice soothes Gabriel like nothing else, finally allowing him to completely relax.

A weight that had been crushing down on the smaller boy for a decade now feels like it's been lifted off his shoulders, if only partially. Gabriel can breathe much easier now, knowing Sam is here to support him.

Gabe yawns again, pulling up these memories and being accepted by Sam even after finding out about his history has left him exhausted. Sam starts rubbing soothing circles on Gabriel's shoulder blades.

"Sleep some Gabriel, I promise I'll be here when you wake up." Sam mumbles softly and wraps the other boy tighter in his embrace and the blanket, not caring that they're both still wearing shoes and all their school clothes.

"Thank you." Gabriel whispers back as his eyes droop and finally fall closed, his breath evens out and he falls into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Sam couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to, so he just watches Gabriel, thinking about everything he'd just heard. He closes his eyes and finally drifts off to sleep.

After a few hours a knock on the door has them both wake up.

"I don't want to know what you're up to in there but I've prepared dinner so you better get your lazy asses out here." The words are accompanied by another loud bang on the door before they can hear steps pounding back to the kitchen.

Sam looks at Gabriel apologetic. "I'm sorry, he can be an ass. How are you?" He kisses Gabe's cheek softly.

"I'm fine Sammy." Gabriel states and leans over, propping himself up on Sam's chest a bit as he leans in to kiss him happily. Sam smiles into the kiss and tangles a hand in Gabriel's hair, pulling him closer. It's not long till they have to pull apart to breathe but they both have grins plastered on their faces.

"Could we keep this to us for just a little longer?" Sam asks softly and Gabriel nods eagerly, not wanting anyone else to know for now either.

Once more Sam pecks his lips before pushing himself up on his elbows and huffs a laughs as he hears Gabriel's stomach growl loudly.

"Let's go eat before either your stomach eats itself or my brother decides to look what we're doing here after all." He helps Gabriel to his feet and kisses his head and fixes his hair a bit before opening the door for Gabe and leading him to the kitchen.

At the smell of lasagne and garlic bread that hits them at entering the kitchen, Gabriel's stomach growls once more in anticipation, even louder than before. "This is what heaven must smell like."

The older Winchester snorts at that comment but can't hold back a flattered smile. "Come sit."

Sam and Gabriel don't have to be told twice and they immediately sit down at the dinner table.

The lasagna Dean pull’s out of the oven could feed a small army but neither of them seem to mind and Gabriel eyes the food like a lion does his prey.

A minute later each of them has a huge plate filled with steaming food placed in front of them and not another word is wasted as they all dig in hungrily.

A breathy moan drops from Gabriel's lips around his first bite. "Holy shit! This is so good!" He exclaims, voice muffled by food.

The brothers look at him with matching smiles (and a small blush on Sam's face) and quirked eyebrows but as they continue eating, the noises they make aren't any better.

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