#and ryan just wasn't having it for whatever fucking reason

[rhoorl]

Working Title | Chapter 10

Pairing: Dieter Bravo/OFC

Rating: Mature, 18+, for the love of all things please don’t engage if you are a minor ok? 

Word Count: 7.6k

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Chapter 10 on AO3

Chapter Summary: We wrap up the first day of shooting and Dieter and Belle hang out later that night.

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, which is obvious at this point. And dun dun duuuunn…. We get some smut in this one. Let me know what kind of stuff I need to put in here for warnings - I don’t want to spoil anything (there is no P in V in this chapter, but Belle enjoys herself). There’s some angst and a discussion about intimacy issues. Ryan deserves his own warning because that dude seriously can fuck off. Also, a blink if you miss it ED reference.

A/N: These two have not shut up in my head so here's a quicker-than-normal update. I’m a bit nervous about this one, but we’re on the path for these two to have some more um…fun. (As a reminder, I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine!).

Once you both straightened yourselves back up, you and Dieter walked out of the trailer in giggles, basking in the moment you’d just had. Your mind drifted off to what he could have in store for you later, but that’s quickly erased when you spotted Meredith walking toward you.

“Hey, I’ll meet up with you later?” You looked at Dieter, who gave you a knowing nod and a small, but encouraging, smile.

“Good luck.”

“Hey, Belle, you good?” Meredith walked up, brows furrowed.

“Ah, uh, yeah. All good.”

“C’mere,” she motioned for you to follow her.

Ugh, she is totally going to shut this shit down, isn't she. 

You stood in front of her and cautiously looked her in the eyes, “What’s up?”

“Look. I’m not trying to get in your business, I don’t really care what you do in your free time unless it starts to mess with work, but don’t pay any mind to Aubrey – she’s a grade-A asshole and not at all Dieter’s type.”

“Wh-what?” 

“I know what she did, showing you the photos. She's just trying to rile you up. She's like a goddamn shark and smells blood in the water, but seriously she can fuck right off. Earlier when I was getting him ready, do you know what we talked about?” You shook your head. “You.”

“Me?” 

“Yup. Look, he has an interview and photoshoot tomorrow, something that his agent organized. Originally I was going to go work on it, but with it being so early in the production I didn’t want to leave you by yourself, that would be like leaving you to the wolves,” she chuckled. “So, I was going to ask if you wanted to take my spot but Dieter actually brought it up first.”

You were trying to process what was happening. Meredith was seemingly okay with whatever was going on between you and Dieter and wasn’t chastising you about it. She’s almost … encouraging it?

“I think you should do it. It would be great for a few reasons: One. You are talented and can definitely benefit from the exposure. Make a connection with the photographer, you never know what could come from it. Two. Dieter requested you, so it would make him happy, and lord knows we don’t want him getting pissy. And three. It would give you guys a chance to…I dunno…spend a day together away from set.”

“Wh- Meredith, we aren’t… I mean…”

“Oh stop it. Seriously, I wasn't born yesterday and I can see how he looks at you, hell how you both look at each other. I'm not here to tell you to date or fuck or whatever the hell you want to do with him. But, I will say, I’ve never seen him this … relaxed…so early in a shoot. He seems happy and lighter and I think that’s maybe because of you and your little trip yesterday.”

“Ha, yea that seems to be the talk of the set, isn’t it?” The reality of the situation started to flood back again – the photos, the comments, the looks, and the whispers from the set.

“Look, you’re young.” You roll your eyes because you know by Hollywood standards mid-30s was practically ancient. “You’re in a beautiful place and a handsome man is losing his shit over you…take advantage of it and have some fun!” She smiled, grasping both of your shoulders and shaking you slightly.

Lunch was set up for the cast and crew in a ballroom. Walking in, you spotted the back of Dieter’s head sitting at a table with a couple of the writers and the assistant director. They’re all pouring over scripts and you can see Dieter animatedly talking. 

Scanning the room, you clocked Aubrey looking at you and you wished you could go over there and smack the ever-living shit out of her, but Indy bounded up to you, pulling you back to reality.

“Babe! What the fuck? Where did you go?”

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” your eyes go from left to right.

“Got it, but are you … good? Dieter was in such a shitty mood during that last take.”

“Y-yea, I’m good. Really good,” you smirked which made her playfully slap your shoulder. “But shh, I promise I’ll tell you later. Did you eat already?”

“I did, they’re gonna call us back to do some blocking soon. But make sure you eat something, please. I know how you get when you’re busy.”

There she was again being the mom and looking out for you.

“I promise, Ind.”

“Ok, I gotta go pee but I’ll see you in a bit, love ya!” She gave you a quick hug.

A loud whistle cut through the room, pausing everyone’s conversations. It was the assistant director giving a 10-minute warning before everyone was due back on set.

Ugh.

It was one of the downsides of your role. You had to be ready for everyone else’s beck and call, which left zero time for yourself. Makeup artists and hair stylists had to be on for their clients, so that meant little time to eat, or even go to the bathroom. 

After a quick scan of what was left of the buffet, you grabbed half of a sandwich and some chips, figuring it was the most portable option, and headed back to set.

On your way back, you were intercepted by Danny.

“Hey, Belle!” He smiled at you.

“Hey!”

“Um, listen, uh… Dee wanted me to give this to you.” He tried to discreetly hand you an envelope that looked very much like the jacket for a room key. “Don’t open it…it’s the room key,” he whispered.

“A room key? Wait what?!” you whispered back, eyes furrowed.

“Yea, he said to use it for later-” he cut himself off, hitting his forehead with the palm of his forehead. “Shit, he was supposed to talk with you before. Um…uh. Just uh, pretend when he brings it up?”

What the fuck is he even talking about?

“Um, okay, Danny.”

“K, um…I’m gonna… go,” he gestured behind him, clearly flustered that he foiled whatever plan his boss had in mind.

You tucked the key into your bag and kept walking, making your way to the chairs set up behind the monitors so you could quickly sit and scarf down your sandwich. A presence was suddenly behind you and you tensed up thinking it may be Aubrey or someone else, but you relaxed when you saw Sam.

“Hey doll,” he said in his low, Southern twang.

“Hey, Sam. Your hair is actually looking pretty good for after lunch,” you smirked. “Here, let me get you set up.” 

He motioned for you to stop, “Nope, you gotta eat, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere…so…you doing ok?”

You were thankful you had just taken a bite, so you had a few seconds to try and figure out how to respond. “Hmm…yea, all good.”

“Ok, cuz you looked like you were about to throw up earlier,” he chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, well, some shit came up that I wasn’t really prepared for.”

“Photos from yesterday?”

“Jesus, does every fucking person here know?” He nodded. “Ugh, yeah. And I was a dumbass and looked at some comments and … how do you do it, Sam, when people say shit about you and what you’re up to?”

He let out a long sigh, “It’s definitely not easy, but I have it a lot easier than you ladies that’s for damn sure. You just gotta ignore it, otherwise, it’ll really fuck with your head.”

“Ok everyone places please, can we get touch-ups done please?” The assistant director called out.

“Ugh fuck,” you groaned as you took one last bite before wrapping up the rest of the sandwich. “C’mere, Sam let’s get you sorted out and back to looking handsome," you winked as he rolled his eyes.

The two of you walked to where the next scene was going to be filmed. Once you added some more powder to his face, you turned your attention to Indy, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw Meredith and Dieter walk up. You slyly snuck a quick glance over to him and he smiled at you.

The scene took about an hour, but everyone was in relatively good spirits. Again, it was so mesmerizing watching Dieter work and you tried not to stare at him when you were called over for touch-ups between takes.

The fatigue of the day started to creep up on you. Standing for the majority of the day wreaked havoc on your lower back and shoulders and all you wanted to do was sit down and relax, but there were still several more scenes to get through that day.

“Ok, that’s a wrap on Dieter for today!” 

Dieter gave a quick wave and thanked the crew on his way off of the set. You saw Aubrey starting to make her way over to him, which made you internally roll your eyes. She was doing her job, after all, but she still annoyed you.

“You ready to go get back into your comfy clothes, Dee?” she asked as he handed her his suit jacket. 

“Uh, yeah…I got it, Aubrey. I'm a big boy, I can handle changing out of a suit,” he chuckled. "I'll leave this for you outside of my trailer."

“Well, if you need any help, just let me know,” she winked.

He turned to find you, a smile washing over his face as your eyes connected. He walked over toward you, his hands at his tie, loosening it before unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt.

“Hey! So Liz is almost here, I was going to go see her and we’ll probably have an early dinner together if that’s ok? Can we hang out later?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Come to my room later. I thought maybe we…I don’t know, could watch a movie or something…unwind a bit."

You smirked, “You trying to do the whole Netflix and chill thing, huh?”

He blushed, “Uh…no, I figured we could just stay in tonight since it’s going to be an early morning…” he leaned in closer to you, his lips hovering near your ear. “However you want to chill is definitely up to you.” He pulled back, giving you a wink. “Danny has a key for you.”

“Uh, o-ok, yea sounds good.”

_________________________

“Dee!” Liz waved at him as she walked through the lobby, a phone in each hand, balancing her computer bag on one shoulder and her weekender bag on the other. A valet was following behind her with the suitcases.

“Jeez, Lizzie, how long are you planning on staying,” Dieter chuckled, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he took her bags from her to carry them.

“You know me, I need options,” she teased. “So, how’d it go today?”

“Not bad. Had a bit of a rough finish to that first scene but I think we got it well before the last take, so I’m not too worried. The writers have already started rewriting shit, which is kind of annoying.”

“Well, you know how it is. Once you all get to set they start to get more … creative. I’ll talk to them though to see if I can get some intel,” she winked. “How’s Belle? Did you talk? Seriously, if you need me to fuck off tonight, I totally can!”

“You just got here, besides, it’s our tradition to have dinner on the first night of shooting," he smiled as they made their way to the elevators. "And yeah, I talked with her. Only shitty part was that I wasn’t able to get to her before someone showed her the photos.” He sighed.

“Ugh shit, I was worried about that. How’d she take it.”

“Not well. She practically ran off from set, when I found her she was in tears.” A wave of sadness returned to Dieter’s eyes as he remembered how defeated Belle looked when he walked into the trailer. “She fucking looked at the comments…”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yea. So needless to say, that led to us talking…and then not talking,” he winked.

“Ooookay cowboy, don’t need all of the details.” she chuckled as they both stopped in front of the elevators.

“Anyway, she still has a couple of scenes left to shoot and then they have to clean up and get ready, so it’s going to be a while. I figured you and I could get an early dinner and then you can relax…I’m sure you're tired.”

“Sounds good, don’t forget though, we have an early start tomorrow…keep that in mind when you’re enjoying your, uh, evening.”

“Ha noted. Hey, for tomorrow, do you know who is doing wardrobe?”

“Ugh yea I do hold on, let me check.” She checked one of her phones, going to an email with the full list of who was working. She had already swapped out Belle’s name for Meredith’s. “Ok… wardrobe…looks like it’s…Aubrey.”

Dieter groaned. “We’re going to need to change that. Can you work on that?”

“She’s your wardrobe person, Dee…she’s harmless.”

“Nah, not so much. She and Belle…it wouldn’t be good.”

“Ah, gotcha. Okay well, let me see what I can do, no guarantees though.” She started frantically typing away on her phone. 

The rest of the afternoon went by rather quickly. Dieter checked in a couple of times, letting you know he and Liz were going to dinner at one of the resort’s restaurants. He also sent a message saying he missed you, which kept a permanent smile on your face the rest of the day.

Every time your phone buzzed, your heart skipped a beat, hoping it was a message from him. Although she didn’t say anything, Meredith smiled to herself, noticing the change in your demeanor from the morning.

"Ok, that's a wrap for today, everyone. Thanks for a great first day. Let's do it all again tomorrow!"

There was a smattering of applause as everyone started to scatter from the set. You, Meredith, Brianna, and the rest of the makeup and hair department went to the trailer to put things away and clean up.

"Ok, I think that just about does it. Hey Belle, you're good to go, I know you have an early morning shoot…thanks a lot for doing that!" Meredith gave you a knowing smile.

"Oh ok, sounds good. Uh, thanks for today Brianna, you did a great job! For tomorrow, just remember the setting spray for Indy and please remind Sam to stop touching his damn hair so much," you chuckled as you gathered your things.

"You got it, I'll see you later!"

You weren’t quite sure where Indy ran off to, probably somewhere with Sam if you had to guess, but she wanted you to text her when you were done.

Belle: Hey, we’re done. Where are you?

Indy: I’ll be right there.

While you waited for her outside of the trailer you decided to text Dieter.

Belle: Hey! Just wrapped, so I'm headed up.

You figured he was still busy so you had time to quickly freshen up, hopefully with Indy’s help. It made you feel a little intrusive to go into his room without him being there, even if he gave you permission. Your phone buzzed and you looked down expecting to see a text from Indy.

Dieter: nice! We're wrapping up soon, Lizzie wants dessert. You'll beat me but please make yourself comfortable. I'll be there soon.

Dieter: Order yourself some room service…get whatever you want.

“Phew, what a day huh?” You looked up to see Indy who was eyeing you quizzically. “So…what are you getting up to tonight?” She waggled her eyebrows.

You shushed her as you both walked towards the elevators. 

“Well, Dieter gave me this.” You showed her the room key as she tried to stifle her screech.

“Holy fucking shit Belle!”

“Yeah, he told me to go in and make myself at home and order room service,” you giggled, trying to contain your blush.

“How long do you have?” The elevator dinged and you both got in.

“I don’t know, he said that they’re wrapping up but I feel like I don’t have a ton of time.”

“Hmm ok, so a shower is probably out of the question.”

"I need to change out of this, I've been wearing it all day."

As the elevator got to your floor, Indy jumped out and pulled you down the hallway. “Ooo yay! Ok, so what do you wanna wear? Something that's probably easy to take on and off…Ow! That hurt," she giggled as you playfully slapped her arm as she unlocked the door. "Ok, strip, we are doing a full reset."

She made a beeline to your room where she promptly started to rifle through your drawers as you peeled out of your jeans and took your tank top off. 

"Here's this…put this on," she handed you the obnoxious hot pink lace thong she forced you to buy a few months ago when you were looking to spice things up with Ryan. She then tossed you a simple pair of black lounge pants that came to your mid-calf.

"Really, Ind," you held up the thong with an eye roll.

"Yes, and honestly you should be proud of me. I was first going to suggest no underwear at all…and then I was going to give you the volleyball shorts…so this is really good for me. Growth I'd say," she said sarcastically which sent you both into giggles.

Your phone buzzed.

Dieter: We're wrapping up and I'm headed upstairs. You get in ok?

"Fuck, Indy, we need to hurry. He's on his way back."

Belle: Awesome, see you soon. And yeah, all good!

You both frantically looked for a top, deciding that the bra you had on could stay. You bickered back and forth on the top before you landed on an old concert tee even though Indy let you know her annoyance.

"I wanna be comfortable Indy, we are just gonna hang out and watch a movie or something."

"Uh ok sure. Listen, you should probably also lay out your clothes for tomorrow while you're at it," she winked.

You didn't want to put any pressure or expectations on what the night would bring but ultimately decided that future you would appreciate it since you had to get up at an ungodly hour. 

Checking the time, you gave yourself a quick spritz of body spray and pulled your hair out of the clip, letting your loose waves cascade down.

"Shit, I need to go. Wish me luck?"

"You got this babe!" Indy smiled, smacking you on the ass as you walked out. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do! Actually…in this case, yes please, do whatever I would do!" She shouted down the hall.

You had just put the key into the door to unlock it when you heard the elevator ding. You turned your head to see Dieter rushing out, a bottle of something in his hand. He stopped in his tracks when he saw you.

"Hey…I thought you were already here…you changed," he quickly closed the distance between you both, stopping just in front of you. 

"Ha, yea…sorry. Fifteen hours in jeans is my limit," you chuckled.

"Well, I'm not complaining, so don't apologize. I just figured you'd ordered your food already, here let's get inside," he opened the door, ushering you in.

He had changed too. He wore a light-wash pair of jeans with a simple plain, black T-shirt. It was distracting how handsome he looked in such a simple outfit.

"Here, order whatever you want," he handed you the room service menu as he put down the bottle he was carrying and emptied out his pockets onto the kitchen island.

*What ya got there," you nodded toward the bottle.

"Liz got me some sparkling wine, to celebrate the first day of shooting. I…uh…honestly don't drink a lot these days, but I figured maybe we could share it?"

"Y-yea sure!"

He smiled, seeming almost relieved by your answer. He moved to grab a couple of glasses from the cabinet behind you as you kept perusing the menu with your back to him. You didn't notice him approach you, until you felt his hands reach around you, effectively caging you in as he set a wine glass down on either side of you. The warmth you felt on your back from his chest made your breath hitch, and goosebumps followed as you felt him lean forward.

"I missed you," his breath felt hot on your ear.

It made you dizzy how he could go from being cute and flustered one minute to so seductive in a matter of seconds. But here he was kissing your neck, making you forget where you were. You bit down on your lower lip to stop the moan that almost inadvertently came out.

"Decide on what you want?" He said into your neck.

"Hmm…what?"

"To order, anything look good," he pulled away from you and headed around the island to where he left the bottle. You couldn't concentrate on anything other than his forearms as he worked to get the cork popped off. He was oblivious to your ogling and carried on filling your glasses.

"Um. Yeah…let me call it in." You walked over to the phone. "D'you want anything?"

He smirked before shaking his head. "Uh, no I'm ok…for now," he handed you a glass and you clinked them together as you placed an order for a club sandwich and fries. 

"Wanna sit?" He gestured to the couch in the living room once you hung up the phone.

"Oh my goodness, please. I've been wanting to sit all damn day," you sighed.

He smiled and led you to the couch and you sat crisscrossed facing him, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. You both chatted for a bit, catching up on the rest of each other's day while sipping on your drinks as you waited for your food to arrive. It was fun to just relax and laugh, Dieter was so easy to talk to. 

He set his glass down on the coffee table, you noticed that he hadn’t really drunk much of it. Yours was almost empty, making you a bit self-conscious, but you finished it and also placed it down on the coffee table

"So whatd'ya wanna watch?"

"Honestly, whatever is fine. I can't guarantee that I'll stay awake through the whole thing though," you yawned.

"If you're tired, baby, then we can go to sleep after you eat."

Did he say "we"?

"You…ah, you can go to sleep," he shook his head, realizing his slip. "After you eat."

"I wouldn't want to dine and dash on you." You looked up at him through your eyelashes, feeling a bit bolder thanks to the liquid courage.

“Oh we would not want that…c'mere," he leaned back into the crook of the couch, his arms extended inviting you in.

You snuggled your head into his chest, his broad shoulders wrapping you in an embrace. You sat like that for a few moments, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and his heartbeat against your ear.

"Looks like you have some options," he said as he kissed your temple and you felt the prickliness of his beard.

This sweet yet simple gesture shouldn't have affected you the way that it did, but you closed your eyes and tried to regulate your breathing, managing to squeak out, "Mmm, which are?"

"One, after you eat, we could watch a movie and if you fall asleep you fall asleep…here. I'd prefer to tell you goodnight than have to send you a text." You felt him smile into your hairline, giving you another light kiss on the forehead. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Two, you eat, and then go back to your room, which while not my first choice is perfectly acceptable."

"Are those my only options?"

"Hmm. Or, while we wait for your food to get here, we find something a bit more…stimulating…to help keep you awake."

The drop in his vocal register sent an electric current down your whole body. He lightly traced circles on the top of your shoulder with one hand and along your thigh with the other, causing your mind to get foggy.

"Hmm, you pose some c-compelling choices," you shuddered as he shifted to start peppering kisses from your neck down to your collarbone. 

He stopped to look up at you with a smug smile, clearly having fun seeing how his actions affected you.

"Glad to hear. You know, I can help build an even more compelling case if you'd like," his fingers threaded through your hair as he leaned in for a kiss.

Being reunited with his soft lips again made you ache for him. You kissed him back deeply, opening your mouth hoping he'd explore like he did earlier today. His whimpers made you lose all semblance of thought – your body just took over. Before you knew it, you had moved to straddle his lap, which caught both of you by surprise. He stopped to check in on you, searching your eyes as you gave an encouraging smile and a small nod.

I want this. I want him.

His hands moved from your face down your body. You felt the pressure of each of his fingers as he worked his way from your upper back down your spine to your waist, hugging your curves before ultimately stopping on your ass. 

I guess he’s an ass guy.

The urgency of your kisses was enough to give him the license to squeeze and caress you more. Your body responded to his touch and, as if by instinct, you began to rock onto his lap, slowly grinding and feeling his length growing. You were a bit self-conscious at first, but the sounds that caught in his throat continued to encourage you. On one of the passes he made with his hand, he inadvertently caught the hem of your shirt, causing you to tense, and bringing you back to reality.

"Shit, sorry," he quickly pulled back, returning his hands to your waist.

"No, that's ok," you panted. "I-I want you to." You moved his hands to the bottom of your shirt as you looked up at him, his eyes dark. "But c-can we turn the lights down first?" You didn't mean your voice to sound so small when making the request.

He pulled back more, resting his back and head against the couch as his brows furrowed. "Now, why would I want to do that?" He smirked. "I wanna see you baby."

You shook your head and looked down.

Ugh, stop it. You're going to ruin things and make it weird because you can't shut the fuck up.

"I can see the wheels turning sweetheart, tell me what you're thinking," he leaned back up rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

You felt vulnerable and exposed, even though you were still fully clothed. Your insecurities were right at the surface and it felt raw. In other situations, this would have made you completely disassociate and shut down, but Dieter’s concern made you want to chip a bit at the wall you had built.

I guess now is a better time than any.

"Look, I know you told me I didn't have to explain, but I want to…at least some of it…if that's okay." You went to shift off of his lap, but he brought a firm grasp to your hips, keeping you where you were.

"Of course, tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm here," he gave you an encouraging smile.

You took one of his hands off of your hip and interlocked your fingers so you were holding his hand. His thumb went back and forth over the back of your hand to comfort you.

"Sex…intimacy…it’s hard for me, but I'm sure you gathered that already," you chuckled, trying to ease some tension. "It's always kinda been that way…I guess. Some of the…there’s been experiences that have made me hate my body and…I don't know." You shook your head trying to center yourself.

He listened intently to every word you were saying, attempting to keep a neutral but comforting expression. 

"My last relationship…Ryan…he fucked me up in ways I didn't even realize, still don't to be honest. D'you know for the last…fuck…year, that we only had sex with the lights off?" That caused Dieter to scoff and grip your hand even tighter. "Hell, it was almost always over so fast that I usually was able to keep my shirt on, which was for the best honestly. It's like…I was there as a means to an end or something for him, ya know? Which was fine because… after what he'd said…it almost became like a vicious cycle…I…uh, this probably makes no sense." You felt yourself start to ramble, unable to really articulate the full source of your uneasiness, but Dieter's grasp on your arms grounded you.

"Hey…look, Belle…this is definitely gonna be easier said than done, but I want you to approach this, us, with an open mind. I know I don't know the whole story, but I'm not him. I think you're beautiful, so fucking beautiful…will you let me show you how special I think you are?"

Ugh, he busted out those eyes again. I can't resist this man.

You nodded and he tentatively moved one hand up to cup your cheek, leaning forward again and wrapping his other arm around your waist. He started kissing you again, starting off so tenderly before growing more and more passionate. You couldn't help your panting as he tugged on your hair, exposing more of your neck and letting him trail kisses down your chin, to your neck, and across your collarbone. The hand on your waist started to inch its way to the hem of your shirt until eventually his fingertips successfully breached the hem of your shirt and started to skirt upwards. 

Just before his fingertips brushed across your skin, he pulled back to check in with you. You nodded again and he kept his eyes locked on yours as he moved his hands up. You could barely feel his fingers brush against your skin, that's how delicately he was treating you but it was still enough to cause you to shudder. Your breathing picked up and hitched when you felt one of his palms fully secured at your lower back.

"I knew you'd feel soft," he said as he peppered kisses up from your neck to your lips. 

He moved the other hand to where your waist dipped. He rubbed circles with his thumb as you felt the other four fingers each apply just the slightest bit of pressure to move you closer toward him. 

The closer distance allowed you to more easily run your fingers through his hair. You remembered the growl from earlier in the day when you tugged on his curls so you did it again, smiling against his lips when you heard that sound return.

You began to rock your hips again and pressed yourself forward to push him back against the couch so you were towering over him. Again you felt him smile against your lips as he moved both hands to your hips, helping to guide your grinding even more.

The internal battle was starting to wage in your head. Your heart and body wanted to take over and completely pounce on this man. You'd seen his movies and although it was all simulated, if he was even half as talented as his on-screen portrayals showed, you knew you were in for a treat. But, your mind, that pesky thing that never shuts up, started cycling through all of the negative self-talk that has become second nature for you.

This guy has fucked supermodels, who do you even think you are. He's gonna catch one glimpse of your stretch marks and want to gag.

Your weight fluctuated during your relationship with Ryan, sometimes not by the healthiest means. But little offhand comments here and there made you want to hide yourself from him, no matter the size you were. But here, with Dieter, he was radiating warmth and reverence. And you wanted to reward his patience and care.

Pushing aside the negativity, you pulled back and rested both hands on his shoulders, trying to catch your breath. Concern was etched across his face, but it quickly evaporated as you moved your hands down to your shirt and slowly pulled it off. You closed your eyes as you got the fabric over your face and pulled it off of your arm. When you opened your eyes, you weren't prepared to meet Dieter's gaze right away. Your eyes looked down before making an attempt to look at him, nervous to see what his reaction would be.

What you see was him slack-jawed and scanning your body like he was trying to commit every freckle, blemish, and curve to memory. His breath hitched as he looked at you and you felt his hands, which were resting on your thighs, twitch.

You both stayed looking at each other for a few more moments before he cleared his throat. "I fucking told you you were beautiful."

Seeing his reaction, gave you a much-needed confidence boost. If there was anyone who could erase and repair the damage left by Ryan, you felt as if Dieter was the man for it.

"Show me,” you whispered.

Those two words lit a fire in him. He brought both hands up to your face as his lips crashed into yours. He worked one hand down tentatively, gauging your reaction. Not seeing any resistance, he palmed one of your breasts on the outside of your bra. Your whimper was almost instantaneous, causing Dieter to buck up into you. 

His other hand went to move your strap down, but you decided to do one better and undid your bra, letting it fall in between you. Without breaking his gaze, Dieter grabbed it and flung it behind the couch.

"Jesus, baby…you're so fucking gorgeous…better than I imagined, and I have a really active imagination." His chuckle did wonders to break the tension and keep your mind at ease.

He seemed eager to explore the new territory you offered him, kissing down your neck as he palmed one of your breasts, lightly grazing his thumb across your nipple. You could feel the slick pooling between your legs. You felt everything short-circuiting as he took your other breast in his mouth, swirling his tongue. It was a combination of this act and who was doing it to you that was sending you down a pleasurable tailspin. If you didn't know any better, it felt like you could come just by him doing this, but you knew that certainly wasn't happening.

With Ryan, orgasms were few and far between for you. He didn't listen to what you wanted, or care, and he would complain when you took too long. As a result, you got very convincing at faking it, anything to get him to stop and just get it over with. After a while, he stopped waiting for you all together and would just move to get his release and call it a day.

"D-Dieter, I…nghh ahh," you moaned as he moved his mouth to your other breast, which was apparently more sensitive.

"This feel good, baby?" He panted against your skin.

"Mmm, y-yea. I…I, shit."

"Let go, c'mon I got you."

You threaded your fingers through his hair, bringing his face even closer to your chest, if that was even possible. He briefly took the one hand that was teasing your nipple off and grabbed your hip, encouraging you to go back to grinding him like you did earlier. Your breathing picked up and you could feel him, thankful for the thin fabric of your pants which made the friction more intense.

"That's it, baby, c'mon now…" he encouraged.

You surprised yourself by how quickly you felt yourself on the precipse. For the first time, maybe ever, you were fully present. Mind and body connected. As he sucked, licked, and nipped, you felt something snap in your mind, like a damn breaking, and you were reeling, reveling in the ecstasy of your release.

You were all moans and pants, as Dieter whimpered into your skin. You felt him tilt his face ever so slightly so he could watch you come undone and you didn't even care. Your head was thrown back working through the after-effects, as Dieter moved to pepper more kisses up into your neck, whispering praise and telling you how pretty you sounded.

As your breathing regulated, you brought your head back level, looking at Dieter. 

"Baby, that was so fucking hot," he kissed you, one hand at the back of your neck and the other around your waist.

The events of the last few moments caught up to you. You were on Dieter's lap, exposed from the waist up and working yourself down from one of the biggest orgasms you had experienced in years all from his mouth. You wanted to show him some care too and moved to the waistband of his shorts before he stopped you, looking a bit sheepish.

"I…uh, I'm gonna need a minute."

You furrowed your brows, not understanding what he was implying. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm…um, more than okay," he smirked. "Can't remember the last time this has happened, ha, I can usually last a lot longer I swear." He blushed.

And then it hit you. His whimpering and panting weren't to encourage you, it was because he came with you.

"Shit, really? But I didn't even do anything…"

"Oh yeah you did," he chuckled. "You sounded so pretty," he gave you a chaste kiss on the lips. "You felt so fuckin soft," he kissed the tip of your nose. "I…couldn't help myself." He finished off kissing your forehead.

You brought both hands to the back of his neck to bring him in for a kiss, running your fingers through his curls as both of you smiled into the kiss. And then you heard a knock.

“Room service!”

You tensed and then scrambled off Dieter to find your shirt and your bra.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it…Ah, I’m coming one minute!” he shouted. “Fuck, ah…shit,” he looked down to see a wet spot in his crotch.

“I can get it, don’t worry,” you quickly got your bra back on and threw your shirt on as you padded to the door, opening it to see an older man with a tray. “Hi, thank you so much, I got it!”

He seemed a bit surprised to see you, probably because he had heard Dieter’s voice.

“Here you go, Mrs. Bravo,” he went to roll in the cart before you stopped him.

“Ah, I can just take the tray, thank you so much,” you smiled, wanting to get the door closed as soon as possible. 

Just then, Dieter came up behind you, handing the man a folded-up bill, “Thanks Lou, that will be all.” He stayed pressed against you so you hid the mess that was his jeans.

“Mahalo, Mr. Bravo, have a good night, sir.”

As the door closed, Dieter looked at you with a smirk.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing Mrs. Bravo,” he winked.

“Ha, I was so overwhelmed, I can’t fucking think straight,” you blushed and saw the corners of Dieter’s mouth turn up.

“You can eat on the couch. I’m gonna go…ah…change.”

“Oh sure, yeah, don’t worry about me.”

He carried the tray to the living room, putting it on the coffee table before heading off to his room. You turned your head to watch him just in time to see him pulling his T-shirt over his head. You immediately snapped yourself around so he wouldn’t catch you staring. You saw the slightest glimpse of his back and shoulders and it sent a tingle down your body. You were then thankful for the fact that you were wearing black pants because you knew for sure there would have been a visible wet spot if you had on a lighter color.

You pull the top off of your plate and start to dig into your sandwich. You were mid-bite when you heard footsteps behind you. Dieter had switched into a slouchy dark gray shirt with gray shorts.

“How is it?”

“Mmm, good,” you said through a full mouth. “You’ll have to let me know how much I owe you,” you added once you swallowed your bite.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” he laughed as you rolled your eyes. “How’s Jurassic Park sound?”

“Oh my gosh, yes! But I apologize in advance for quoting it.”

It was cute that he remembered it was your favorite movie. As the opening credits started, Dieter quickly got up and headed to the kitchen. He came back carrying a small box of cookies with a smirk on his face.

“We’ll need something sweet,” he winked.

He helped you finish your fries and once you were done, you leaned back against him on the couch. It felt so natural, so normal, as if you’d done this for years. You felt his chest, firm beneath you as his arms wrapped around you, rubbing up and down your arm. His heartbeat was strong in your ear, and you felt as if it was going a little bit faster than it should. It was his breathing though, that soothed you and lulled you to a relaxed state. Your eyelids started to feel heavy.

“Belle, hey baby.”

Dieter’s voice sounded far away, but you realized it was because you were waking up. You blinked and saw him looking at you, the beautiful John Williams score playing softly in the background over the end credits.

“Hey…sorry I fell asleep, I told you,” you smiled, still trying to wake up. “I should go.”

“You don’t have to, just stay here,” he kissed your temple. “I know that sounds like a line, but we can just sleep…please?” 

Those goddamn puppy dog eyes again. Fuuuuck. Who am I to resist his request?

“We don’t have to do anything, I…it would just be nice to be close to you is all,”

“Uh, yeah sure.”

“Yeah?” He got the biggest grin and when you nodded to confirm, he shot up and brought you with him. He held your hand as he led you down the hall. 

“Ah um, go ahead and make yourself comfortable, I’m going to make sure everything is locked and turned off, kay?”

Dieter left you in his room and you went to the ensuite bathroom to pee. Coming out of the bathroom, you saw Dieter walk into the bedroom. He looked nervous, but excited as he fidgeted with his hands.

“Do you have a preference?” he pointed to the bed.

“Ah, I’ll take this side, I guess. Is that ok?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You both somewhat awkwardly made your way to the opposite sides of his king bed, pulling back the sheets.

Holy fucking shit. I’m getting in bed with Dieter Bravo.

You both crawled in and faced each other.

“Comfy? Need more pillows or anything?” Dieter half got up ready to go fetch whatever you needed.

“N-no, I’m ok.”

“Ok good,” he turned to the nightstand next to him, taking off his glasses and placing them next to his phone as he turned off the lamp. You followed his lead and turned off your lamp too.

He left the blinds open, so the moonlight shone in, illuminating his face. You studied each other’s faces again while exchanging coy smiles. 

“Did you set an alarm?”

“Oh shit, yes, I need to do that.” You got up and reached for your phone double checking that all four of your alarms were set. “Shit, I’m going to need to charge this.”

“Here, use mine,” he reached for your phone, plugging it in once you handed it to him.

When he turned around he moved a little bit closer, resting his hand outside of the covers on your hip. As if the magnetic pull was turned up a notch, you moved yourself closer to him.

He cleared his throat. “I meant what I said, we can just go to sleep. I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying anything.”

“I know.”

“But, can I hold you?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You turned yourself around, moving yourself further back until you felt his chest again. He was so warm, like a furnace. 

“Where do you want my hands - over or under the covers.” He whispered in your ear.

“Under is good with me.”

Your thought you felt his cock twitch at that, but you reasoned away that he was shuffling. 

You didn’t realize how big his hands were until his palm was splayed on your stomach, holding you. It felt so strong, so secure. It didn’t take long before you felt his breathing slow down and you turned your head enough to see his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful as he slept and you wished you could turn to face him just to study his face and commit it to memory. But you didn’t want to move a muscle for fear of waking him. His breathing, low and steady, lulled you off to sleep soon enough.

You stirred at one point in the night, turning before realizing how cold the bed was next to you. You reached out your hand instinctively to feel Dieter’s warmth, but you were met with emptiness. You opened your eyes and noticed the bed was empty and Dieter’s glasses were missing from the nightstand. 

You got up and saw no sign of Dieter in the room.

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

A/N: There’s still a lot Belle needs to work through regarding intimacy, so as much as I wanted these two to just go at it and go further, it’s going to take time.

As always, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my little story. I appreciate all of the kind comments, reblogs, and likes …it makes my day!

Tag list: @musings-of-a-rose / @legendary-pink-dot / @bitchwitch1981 / @mysterious-moonstruck-musings / @gracie7209 / @amneris21 / @pastelnap / @maryfanson / @sunnywithachanceofjavi / @sin-djarin / @winchestergypsy90 / @for-a-longlongtime /@harriedandharrassed / @titlee78 / @midnightraain / @poodlebae / @partyofone3413

#working title fic #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo #dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter x reader

[bellaramslover]

My Perfect Girl

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: your friends leave you feeling more insecure than you already were, but Ellie comforts you and yells at your dickhead friends

Cw: body insecurity, mentions of feeling/being fat+ugly, troubles eating

You struggled to breathe as you lied in bed curled into a ball, crying your eyes out. Your crying fit had been a result of a rather hurtful conversation with your "friends." Your body faced the wall as tour hands came to cover your face, your palms wetting with tears. Time passed, you didn't know how much, but you'd heard a voice behind you and the bedroom door creaking open.

"Baby? What's going on, what happened?" Ellies voice was laced with concern and worry as she rushed to your side, rubbing your back.

You sniffled as you turned to face her, tears still streaming down your face as you picked up your phone and opened up your grouochat then handing it to her. Your breaths were ragged and quick as you watched her read, hee brows furrowed in worry quickly arched with anger as she did.

Y/n: guys I feel like I look bad today *image attached*

Ryan: wdym

Rosa: yeah u look the same lol

Y/n: idk like I feel ugly and like fat :(

Ryan: I don't see any difference 💀

Rosa: ong you look like u always do

Ryan: yeah ur just being dramatic lmao

Rosa: she probably just wants attention to be really honest

Ryan: omg you're right tho, fishing for compliments haha

Y/n: guys stop I'm not kidding.

Ryan: come on yk were right

Rosa: yeah just calm down bro

Y/n: whatever I'm done talking to you guys.

"What the fuck." Ellie muttered under her breath.

"Ellie, I look terrible and they're just making fun of me." Your bottom lip quivered.

"Baby, you don't. I promise they're just being assholes for no reason." She tried to reassure you, rubbing at your arm up and down.

You turned away from her, facing the wall again as you cried harder. You couldn't believe a word she said, you just felt insecure. It wasn't the first day you've felt like this, but it never got easier. It was days like these where you couldn't even bring yourself to look in the mirror, shower, or take care of yourself in general.

She let out a deep sigh, bringing a hand to rub your back gently, occasionally combing through your hair with her fingers. She looked at your phone again, then stood to leave the room.

"I'm gonna talk to them." She stated before exiting and calling the group.

Your friends picked up and were confused, seeing Ellies face instead of your own. It's not like they didn't recognize your girlfriend, but they wondered why she was the one calling them.

"Oh hey Ellie." Ryan greeted with a smile.

"Hi. So what the fuck is wrong with you guys?"

Rosa laughed a bit, her brows furrowing.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"Whyd you guys say that shit to Y/n? Seriously what kind of fucking friends are you?" She asked in return, as if it was obvious.

"Oh come on, she knows we were kidding!" Ryan argued.

"Yeah, she's probably being dramatic anyways." Rosa chimed in.

"I bet you're only asking because she told you to." Ryan spoke smugly.

"Um, no actually I'm asking because clearly she's upset and you guys are just being assholes. And if she knows you were joking why'd I come home to her crying, hm? Terrible fucking jokes by the way." Ellie argued, feeling angrier at your friends poor reactions.

"She was crying? Oh shit, sorry." Suddenly Ryan seemed to feel bad.

"Yeah you fuckin should be, she's probably gonna be worked uo for days now. Great fucking job you two." And with that Ellie hung up, as she couldn't bear to speak to them any longer.

She shut off your phone and set it at the bedside table, sitting down and glancing over at you as you let out a heavy sigh. You silently cursed as your stomach grumbled.

"Babe, you hungry?" Ellie asked, leaning down to rest her chin on your shoulder.

"No." You lied, shaking your head.

"Ok, well have you eaten today?" She asked, already sure she knew the answer.

"No." You were quiet now, feeling ashamed at your inability to care for yourself, how you know you should be.

"Alright well come on then, let's put something in that belly of yours." She tried to turn you around, take you to the kitchen.

But you wouldn't budge, tears falling from your eyes once again as you shook your head furiously.

"No! I-I'm already fat enough I don't need to eat anymore!" You protested, believing everything you said.

"What? Stop it, that's nonsense and you know it. Come on, just come have something. Please." She frowned as she held your hands in her own, it hurt her to see you so upset.

"I can't." You choked out and she pulled you into a hug.

You immediately leaned into her relaxing touch, wrapping your arms around her back as you nuzzled your head into her shoulder.

"Baby, you can. I know you can, you're stronger than you think. And your body is perfect" She pulled away, holding your face in her hands as she peppered kisses over your face, "I love every part of it, and you. You're amazing and your brain is just lying to you." She reminded you.

"Love you too." You responded, sniffling and leaning your forehead against her own.

You finally followed her to the kitchen, still hesitant but you'd get past that. You sat at the table and watched as she made pasta for the two of you, mainly because she knew it was your comfort food. A smile made its way to your face as she brought over two bowls, giving on to you. Ellie smiled ten times as big as you did, rubbing her thumb over your cheek fondly. It made her happier than anything to see you smiling after you'd had such a tough time that day.

Once you finished eating, Ellie insisted on doing the dishes. You felt bad for not helping out, but she reassured you that she was more than happy to do it herself. She told you to go sit down and pick a movie, and of course you did.

You'd selected something happier, usually you two watched horror together but tonight you just didn't feel like it. You sat with your knees pulled to your chest, a fuzzy blanket engulfing you as you waited for your girlfriend. She was sitting beside you in no time, pulling you into her side. You hummed contently, leaning into her touch with a smile as you leaned your head on her shoulder.

About halfway through the movie, Ellie placed a kiss to your forehead then placed a hand on your chin to make you look at her.

"Is my girl finally feeling better?" She asked.

"Mostly, thank you for helping me." You smiled before leaning in to give her a kiss.

"Of course Baby. You tired yet?" She asked, looking at her watch and noting that it was getting late.

You just nodded before placing your head back on her shoulder and closing your eyes. She chuckled a bit at you, rubbing your side lovingly then letting her head fall against your own as she waited until you fell asleep before carrying you into your shared bedroom. She laid you down then climbed in next to you, pulling you in. You let out a small groan as you hiked your leg over her own, wrapping your arm around her stomach.

A/n: sorry ik it's kinda short! Hope u still liked tho :)))

#ellie williams #ellie x y/n #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you

[axailslink]

so for jamie i was thinking if reader was new to the alpha house after leanne got arrested and was really reserved and quiet, and jamie just gravitated toward her to heal or whatever but when leanne comes back jamie is forced to choose between them..i love angst and fluff so i hope this was enough 😭

"You deserve someone who will fight for you not throw you into the fight"

Jamie x Reader

Summary: You're new to the Alpha house and can't help but become friends with Jamie.

You weren't too fond of the constant moving around you promised yourself you'd make no trouble here you wouldn't give them a reason to kick you out. So for the first week you didn't, you kept to yourself by barely leaving your room and when you did it was only to eat you didn't want any problems with anyone. Especially that Ryan kid he seems as if he enjoys picking fights of course you could take him but you couldn't force yourself to his amount of assholery. So you didn't. You snuck out alone when you wanted a smoke and you came back within the time limits... Most of the time at. Today was the day though when you just couldn't do it any more your things kept going missing first your shirt second your pants and today they had hit quite the spot your cigarettes were gone and they were all in your room. You go door to door pissed as hell wondering where's your stuff you reach Jamie's door and practically slam your fist against it so hard it burns when you're done. She opens the door with a fiery attitude you originally thought it was kind of cute her acting all tough but right now that was the last thing you cared about "where's my shit? I hear you're a good thief did you take my shit?" She looks you up and down "and if I did? It seems to have finally gotten some words out of you I thought you were fucking mute" you stare her down before pushing her into the room and closing the door not wanting anyone else to be in your business. "Give me my stuff I don't like making a scene but I will not be bullied" you look past her shoulder to see your shirt and pants folded neatly on her bed just as they had to have been taken out of your drawer "I didn't want to start a fight I was just a bit interested is all you're quiet that's new" you snatch your clothes and suck your teeth "if you want to make a friend you don't steal their things, thief!" She smiles at the way you say thief you put so much emphasis on the word "I'm not trying to make a friend I'm trying to get your attention."

"Well you have it" she smiles "I just wanted to know your name I've never seen you and you're quiet. Quiet doesn't come along a lot in Alpha house why are you so quiet?" You ignore her question and ask her one of your own "where are my cigarettes?" She glances at her drawer and grabs them "I'll give them back if you have a smoke with me and tell me how you so fucked up that you don't talk to anyone and you sneak out to have a simple smoke? Deal?" You think about it for a moment before sitting in her bed and taking your cigarette packet you pull out a joint and a lighter you have hidden inside "I don't really smoke cigarettes roll your window up" she does as told before sitting down.

"So what's your story? Abusive home? Kicked out? Orphan..?" You smile at her "runaway" she looks at you wide-eyed "I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that" you nod "home was no good" you light your joint before passing it to her "don't be shy it won't ruin that pretty voice of yours" she looks at you surprised again before she could ask the question she had in mind you answered, "yeah I've heard you sing and play a little guitar you're talented you know?" You lift her hand to your mouth taking a drag from the joint and she nods "I don't think I'm all that good but it's an escape you know? From all this from the yelling from-" "from Leanne?" She lifts the joint to her mouth and takes a drag before nodding "I love her I truly do she's the closest thing to family I've got she'd kill for me but I want better things than what she's got going on." "Oh so you want to get out of here and make a living you got dreams huh?" She laughs and nods "I guess you could say that. Yeah I want so much more than this life" you nod grabbing her hand again this time she watches as you take a long drag and blows it into her hand "so what do you want in this life?" She pauses for a moment "I don't know the stuff you see on television; talent-" you look her in the eyes and smile "well baby you've got talent but I don't think you've got what it takes" she looks at you with a questioning facial expression. "Meaning?" You grab her hand and take the joint placing it in between her lips "baby you ain't mean enough you're sweet and innocent you can survive in here but what about on your own?" She takes a drag and you pull the joint away but she grabs your chin causing you to falter in your current movements staying still and looking at her messy hair. Jamie puts a bit of pressure on your jaw and you gasp from the light pressure as she blows the smoke into your mouth and you immediately breathe it in and then out through your nose.

You expect her to move back to her side of the bed by now or at least take her hand off your face but she doesn't and you don't complain. "You know I was here when Leanne went to jail I think you may be..." Your eyes drift to the way she's looking at you and you're giving in so hard you can't stop it "you may be trying to distract yourself by uhm doing this" you swallow and she shakes her head no "Nah I'm fully here" she takes the joint and takes a large drag before sitting it in her ashtray and pulling you onto her lap. She lets her hands slide down to your loose shirt and underneath it before leaning up to press a firm kiss on your lips you immediately open your mouth letting her breathe the smoke into it. You two pull apart just for a moment so that you can pull her shirt over her head "so not so quiet and reserved?" You laugh "no I'm definitely still quiet and reserved I just like you."

You pull her shirt up and kiss up her tummy letting your hands slowly run up and down her frame she shudders and gasps. "Let me take these pants off I want to see how well you can really sing" she laughs and reaches down unbuttoning her pants "that's so fucking corny" you kiss her stomach again "shut up."

.

"You've broken the rules quiet girl" you laugh and sit up letting the covers fall loosely around your naked waist "which one?" She smiles at you "ones" you hum "well which one's smart ass?" She rubs your lower back "we're not even supposed to step foot into each other's rooms that's the first rule and this one's a bit of silent but known one we aren't supposed to fuck each other." You turn and look at her messy hair "you kissed me I just took it farther than I knew you were willing to do on your own" she nods slowly "I have to go to choir practice soon" she says getting up and getting dressed "don't leave please this is the closest thing I've gotten to happiness."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jamie returns it's late you're already in your room high as a kite in your bed she knocked softly so as to not wake anyone you open the door and let her in. "how was choir practice?" She shrugs "it was lovely the people are so nice they make me feel wanted and appreciated just like you." You laugh "oh and I here was thinking this would just be casual sex" her face falls at your comment you quickly back up your comment by grabbing her hand "but I'm glad it's not c'mon I don't think I can sleep right just thinking about your body next to mine I need the real thing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been two weeks since you and Jamie became what you were you two didn't want to put a title on your relationship you were scared that it would be like a red dot on your forehead. Something easy to target easy to make things fall apart you two just didn't want that. You two enjoy each other's company and you can talk for hours about what she likes and wants for herself in the future. You yourself even start telling her about all the things you want to do she goes and visits Leanne whenever she can you go with her you like that she has someone near and dear to her heart. Leanne doesn't like you too much you're not quite sure why because you've never actually met her out of prison you only saw her.

Today, however, is her release day you and Jamie sit in the car she's all excited to see her best friend and you're just happy that she's happy because she looks so much better when she's smiling and not hiding behind that whole tough girl facade. Leanne gets in the car happy to see Jamie but not so happy with you you pay it no mind she makes Jamie happy how she makes you feel isn't up for discussion.

When you three arrive back at Alpha house the two hug and you watch from a distance before going into the house. Her friend has been gone for four weeks they need some time alone. You walk upstairs surprised to find Jamie right behind you "sorry I was doing some catching up with her" you shake your head "don't apologize I don't mind" you grab her hand and lead her to her room before closing the door. "You should be spending time with Leanne" Jamie nods "I will I will later on in the night right now though we need to talk. You've kept me strong for the past four weeks doesn't that deserve some attention?" You smile and nod "actually yes it does" you lean up and peck her lips she chases your lips bringing you into another kiss by grabbing your waist and pulling it as close as she can to her own. You gently push her towards her bed and she falls back onto it you on top of her lap. You let your hand play in her hair messing it up worse than it already is as you kiss down her neck and leave visible hickeys. Leanne bursts through the door and she's stopped in her tracks when she sees you two ." Yo Jamie we've got to hit this clu-" you don't move you simply look at her wondering 1 why she doesn't know how to knock and 2 why she's looking at you like you're crazy. She laughs to herself for a moment "I knew it so this is why you stopped visiting me on my last week, Jamie?" Jamie sits up and you immediately move over wondering why as a best friend Leanne is pissed when it's not her place. She should be happy that she's happy. "No I stopped visiting because you were getting out this week it would make no sense to contin-" Leanne interrupts her approaching you "so tell me does she feel good? Do you like taking advantage of her? You know so many people are always wondering just how wet she can get I see she's let a snake run right into her bed!"

You're taken back you want to speak up you want to throw that fucking ashtray at her head but the bitch was crazy and you aren't stupid. You're suddenly the same girl from four weeks ago trying to stay out of trouble but it's found its way toward you and you don't know how to resolve it. "Leanne! That's not what's happening we're not just fucking I like her. Keep your voice down before you get us in trouble you know it's not aloud. Please for me I really like her." Leanne scoffs "does she like you or does she just like the way you taste? She can't even say anything now because she knows I'm right. What? Bitch you ain't gone speak up you a div?" You stand there not in fear but in anger if you were to say anything you'd have this bitch in a headlock but if you said nothing she'd keep taunting you and you hate being fucking taunted. "Me? A fucking Div no you're a jealous bitch! Oh, a pregnant one at that too who fucks anything that gives her a look!" Jamie looks back at you pleading with her eyes but it's too late as Leanne throws a lamp at you and misses "oh bitch what!? Are you afraid to use your hands? C'mon! C'mon!" Kate comes running in the room stepping between Leanne and you mainly trying to stop you "I'll murder you bitch you're so fucking jealous let her live! She's not your property she just wants to be happy do you see that?" You see Jamie's tear-stricken face and realize you and Leanne probably took this too far but it needed to be said it was the truth.

"I'm sorry Jamie but you're not her property you're free to love! Free to grieve! You're your own person! Just because she protects you and helps you doesn't mean you owe her! You don't owe her shit!" Kate tries to calm you down but it's not helping much.

The others walk in the room and finally, the only thing that helps you calm down is Jamie leaving. You and Leanne probably just put her under so much stress. Ryan has Leanne in a literal headlock the bitch is strong you'll give her that much.

Kate finally asks "girls what's going on?" You're stuck you don't know if you should lie or tell the truth lying could have consequences and so could being honest in this situation. Leanne decides for you "they're fucking she's using her" you glare her down but don't say anything because she's delusional to think that Jamie is someone she can control that's delusional.

"Fucking? Sure using? Nah sis that's all you!" You walk past her and purposely bump her on your way out daring her to touch you. You immediately regret letting her get you out of character now you probably seemed like a bitch to Jamie too and that was far worse than any threat that Leanne could make.

A/n I will be making a part two that resolves all of this ... Maybe (this specifically for you because I'm not sure if anyone else knows her from this role.)

#jamie urban hymn #urban hymn #urban hymns #letitia wright x black!reader #letitia wright #letitia wright scotty #letitia wright shuri #shuri x reader #jamie harrison #jamie harrison x reader #jamie harrison x fem!reader #jamie harrison x f!reader #jamie deserved a happy ending tbh #shuri x fem!reader #shuri x f!reader #wlw fics #black reader #black reader fan fiction

[omegalomania]

i would like to hear more on the patrick vs brendon vocal ability discussion if you would maybe want to rant 👀 👀 (hshsgehdv also I've recently come to know that mr urie is Not that great of a Person so appreciate you for making that post <3)

all right so full disclaimer: the last time i had any notable vocal training was like about 10 years ago. i did get some vocal training but i have undergone hrt since then so most of what i did know is pretty useless since ive never taken the time to actually relearn my range. my understanding of this stuff is old and limited so if anyone whos actually up to date on this shit can weigh in thats always great. im doing this because im a salty mccuntnugget whos had too much honey jack daniels for one night and that apparently is what supercharges me to write emo bandmember cringe compilation posts. somehow.

this got long so im throwing it beneath a cut. click for more if you wanna read about one guy on the internet having Opinions about which of these two dudes sings better

so once again: this is MYYYY OPINION im not your mom you are free to disagree or whatever i literally do not care. but an anon asked so im going to answer. here we go.

FIRST NOTE. comparisons between patrick and brendon have been going on since the dawn of the fucking age but brendon his own damn self decided to act like patrick was copying him vocally so that means i can be as mean as i want cause he started it. we’re doing playground logic here cause this is my blog and i do what i want and also cause hes that much of a cunt.

so i want to start things off with a reminder that patrick stump did not set out to be a singer! he was not picked out of a lineup for his vocal ability. he mostly just wanted to write songs, and it was joe and pete who made a point of saying "no actually you should sing." and it takes patrick a while to actually grow into his range and gain confidence as a singer since his real love is composition. it's not until infinity on high in 2007 that you really hear him growing into his own as a vocalist and it's not until the hiatus/posthiatus that you really hear his vocal confidence.

brendon got to be the singer for panic because bassist brent wilson knew him in high school and he thought his vocal ability was top notch. the rest of the band agreed. it also took brendon a while to grow into his voice. in fact in the early days before panic actually took off (aka before ryan ross badgered pete wentz into signing a band of mostly high schoolers), people on old fob forums legitimately thought that brendon WAS patrick. old articles refer to panic as fall out boy clones for probably that reason.

brendon actually made his vocal debut on a fall out boy record, from under the cork tree (which was released may 5 2005, whereas panic's debut a fever you can't sweat out wouldn't release until september 27 2005). he does a little part in 7 minutes in heaven (atavan halen) on the chorus (he does the second "i keep telling myself, i keep telling myself i'm not the desperate type") and it's genuinely something a lot of people miss, because he sounds a lot like patrick here. later in 2008, this would happen again on 20 dollar nosebleed, which gave brendon a much bigger vocal part (again he splits the chorus with patrick) but in which their vocal inflections are very very similar to the point where a lot of people don’t realize he contributed vocals there.

so there are a lot of similarities, particularly when these two guys were still growing into their voices. it was during fob's hiatus that these started to diverge, and by 2017 they would be wildly different.

patrick readily admitted a lot that he never really intended to be a singer and it wasn't until infinity on high (2007) that he made a genuine attempt to be a singer in earnest. this reticence would often show live. it wasn't until the hiatus and then posthiatus that patrick, and also the rest of the band, had a consistent live presence imo. fob had a lot of infamously sloppy shows - fun to watch, but sonically kind of all over the place - and patrick wouldn't always be the most consistent vocalist. he'd be strong one night and breathy the next, and it wasn't until the hiatus that he started taking vocal lessons.

but the improvement really really shows now. patrick is a much more consistent and powerful vocalist posthiatus, and he's reportedly incredibly diligent in taking care of his voice. that's why you often see him making these kinds of faces in backstage videos; he's doing vocal trills, which are a specific kind of warmup that helps limber up the voice preshow. they look and sound a little silly, but warmups are important to make sure you dont damage your voice. patrick has specific warmup routines and also goes on vocal rest and doesn't do a lot of talking prior to doing a show.

so brendon does double shots before every show. i’ll be honest here i tried to do more research into what goes into warmup routines before panic shows but i Cannot deal with hearing this man talk about himself more than i already have tonight so if anyone else wants to source whatever he does. please do. i would not be surprised if he treats his voice fucking atrociously but even if he doesn’t...his upper register (which is basically his one party trick in live settings) is starting to sound awful strained on studio vocals as of 2022, which is not a good look.

i also want to emphasize that even if his technical ability took time to really come into its own, patrick has always been an incredibly emotionally versatile vocalist. from under the cork tree is really the first time you get to see this shine, where patrick swings from cocky tongue-in-cheek irony (our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued) to aching vulnerability (i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth) to snarling anger and accusation [get busy living or get busy dying (do you part to save the scene and stop going to shows)]. factor in the bonus tracks and you get patrick at his most ruthless (my heart is the worst kind of weapon), his most raw and desolate (star 67), and a rare appearance of some borderline unclean vocals (snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers).

posthiatus this is even more apparent. save rock and roll in 2013 demanded an incredible depth of emotional and technical range, and patrick was noticeably a little gun-shy about actually committing to doing those kinds of riffs live, since he wasn’t sure he was going to have to perform those songs live. by 2018′s mania, i want to emphasize that you can actually HEAR patrick smiling in "sunshine riptide." on mania, you also have songs that demand a diverse range of tone and vocal depth: “stay frosty royal milk tea” is a snarling, punchy opening track that reminds you that patrick was a drummer first, but this is also paired with the eclectic edm-soaked “young and menace,” the crooning doo-wop style ballad “heaven’s gate,” the reggae-flavored “HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T,” and the closing track which, full disclosure, is probably one of my favorite songs of all time, “bishops knife trick.” and patrick pulls them all off! the best display of this was that he was able to do young and menace live in both its original incarnation and in the somber, stripped-down piano version.

also, as a note: fall out boy songs are really fucking hard to sing. the vocal range they demand is absolutely insane even if you’re not some drummer who got strongarmed into being a singer. the fact that patrick can replicate these vocals live and maintain a rich emotional diversity in tone is really, really noteworthy.

panic songs are also pretty hard to sing. they require a lot of vocal acrobatics, which was an ambitious thing for a band composed of mostly high schoolers when they started out. early performances were really rough because not only was brendon struggling, the rest of the band was struggling to perform songs live that ryan ross wrote on his computer lol.

so now is the part where i start drinking heavily so i can talk about brendon vocals. brendon has the technical talent, even if, like patrick, it took him a while to grow into it. but his emotional versatility is, imo, sorely lacking, and that was evident in early days but it would only get more glaring as time went on. a fever you can’t sweat out in 2005 had a lot of really intensely emotional moments and emotionally charged songs, but it took me a few listens to really grok that because brendon sings them all with the same upbeat energy. and you can put that down on him being an inexperienced singer still figuring his way around this whole “being a frontman” gig, but the trend actively continues and in fact gets worse over time. i think 2008′s pretty. odd. gave us some insight into this due to the pronounced vocal role that ryan ross gets on that album. he takes lead vocals on “behind the sea” and gives us some audible backing vocals throughout in a way that suggests to me that, on some level, the band was aware that they needed someone with more emotional range to counter brendon’s straight-on belting.

so it’s...kind of uncomfortable seeing brendon do said full on belting and also a borderline striptease dance to “camisado” live (which, for those not in the know, is a song ryan ross wrote about his life with his abusive alcoholic father). and i’m not gonna pretend i have any say in whether or not ryan was okay with something so ruinously personal being performed in that kind of way when he was no longer in the band, but it SURE does sit kinda weird with me!

cause brendon is a belter, and that’s just kind of his one mode. this really got more apparent after vices and virtues (2011), and too weird to live, too rare to die (2013), because there was a little more emotional range there. but that pretty much dies out after those records and brendon kind of has these two moods for everything released here on out: it’s either “i love weed” or “i love my wife” and there’s not a lot of range between. he doesn’t have much in the way of moderation. my one single experience in attempting to see panic live (in 2019, no less. it wasn’t a good time lol) was just kind of...relentlessly high-energy regardless of the song, because again, that seems to be brendon’s one setting. he frantically climbs the scale and hits really high notes to keep the energy up without ever actually letting it dial down at any point. it’s not about playing to the song; it’s about reminding the audience, constantly, of what a vocal powerhouse he is, at all times. this does nothing whatsoever to counteract how emotionally flat he is as a performer.

remember that point i made about the differences between patrick’s performance of the high-energy original flavor young and menace and its acoustic piano version? well, you get a superficially similar instance in brendon’s renditions of “this is gospel” in both its original incarnation and the piano version, but i want to point out the difference in tone here. or rather, the fact that there kind of isn’t one. contextually, “this is gospel” is a pretty somber song. it was written for and about spencer smith and his struggles with addiction before his eventual departure from the band, but it’s kind of hard for me personally to reconcile that with the way brendon vocalizes it, even in what is supposed to be a slower, more intimate rendition of it.

this got more glaring in 2018 on pray for the wicked, which gave us “dying in la” which...is i guess, brendon’s attempt at some tonal diversity on an album that was basically back to front “CHECK OUT THIS WILD PARTY I’M AT” but it doesn’t really go anywhere, imo. it builds to something, but...doesn’t actually resolve. i’m gauging this all on vocals, not lyrics, because that’s the point of comparison i’m making - lyrics are a whole other kettle of fish. it’s just like, the guy cannot dial back even for a second and as a result there is NO variation in the way he performs, studio or live. after it’s been long enough, it just kind of starts to wear at you.

another very telling difference is how different patrick and brendon’s backing vocals are. backing vocals by definition need to be much more restrained than if you're taking lead. here's patrick backing travie in 2010 - he's very understated here. distinct and audible, giving us some nice vocal harmonies, but he keeps the spotlight very truly and deservedly on travie. this is also true for studio vocals, like on the lupe fiaso track "little weapon" from 2007 in which patrick isn't even one of the vocal features. he's audible if you know what to listen for, but most of his touch comes from the track's production and composition. more recently, here's patrick doing studio backing vocals in 2017 for a cover of "same drugs" with matt nathanson. once again, he's very good at dialing things back because he's not the lead here and he knows it.

let's contrast this with the cover 2010 panic did of "skid row" from little show of horrors, wherein dallon is meant to be the lead. fortunately dallon manages to shine regardless, but it's...a little jarring that brendon is ostensibly meant to be the support here but vocally and stylistically is belting like he's front and center. another telling instance is this performance of “america’s suitehearts” featuring brendon. in fairness, both patrick and brendon sound pretty rough here since this is a hard song to pull off! but brendon is supposed to be pulling support, and he’s riffing like he’s center stage. and it’s not particularly good riffing either lol.

“what a catch donnie” is the most egregious example of this though. i’ve said this before, but brendon REALLY sticks out in a not great way on what’s supposed to be a soulful, honorary vocal feature. the rest of the fueled by ramen guys singing along are doing their guest spots in a very understated, tonally consistent fashion: distinct in their own rights, if you know what to look for, but definitely doing what they can to fit into the tone of the song. brendon comes barreling in singing DANCE DANCE like this is his fucking show, and it sticks out so badly because he’s doing nothing whatsoever to conform to the tone of the piece.

a couple more points of comparison that i personally find really interesting:

“one of THOSE nights” off of the cab’s debut album whisper war (sidebar: GREAT ALBUM. i miss this band so fuckin much man) features both brendon and patrick; brendon is heard doing the post-chorus, and patrick does the final bridge and can be heard on the final chorus. both of them are belting here, but patrick’s got a strong emotion that suits the finish without being too overpowering and also crucially doesn’t just stay...flat.

patrick actually does backing vocals on a couple other tracks on whisper war, like “i’m a wonder,” and in both that track and “one of THOSE nights” you can hear how much technical and emotional dexterity he has. the former has him belting and the latter has him doing a very restrained backing falsetto.

folie a deux era gave us two gentle lullaby pieces for pete’s first kid. the first is “lullabye,” the album’s hidden bonus track. the second is “bronx’s lullaby.” patrick does the first, brendon does the second. the first sounds very gentle and tender, and the second sounds...i mean, i can tell what he’s going for. but it just kind of sounds ominous to me. so basically i can see why most people will talk about the former and ignore the latter lol lol

did you guys know brendon was on broadway. im kidding im kidding he has literally not shut up about being on broadway and seems to have made that his tertiary character trait since kinky boots. anyway here’s brendon sounding like brendon on kinky boots and basically performing the song like any other panic song. here is patrick covering rocky horror and nailing tim curry’s part. i don’t have any live covers of patrick to have a more accurate point of comparison (he’s in his studio here so he had the luxury of picking the best take) but i just think its fucking wild that patrick wasnt the one of them to go on broadway. fucks sake man.

i COULD compare the two of these guys covering queen but that just seems mean because fob was doing a whole entire studio session and brendon was just doing it over zoom and nah im just kidding i really am that petty. anyway here’s fall out boy covering under pressure and patrick dueting with himself and managing to nail both freddie mercury and david bowie’s parts without losing his own distinctive touch. here’s brendon doing his cover of under pressure and thanks i hate it.

lastly, cause i did my fuckin research here. here are some vocal coaches taking notes on live vocals for patrick and brendon respectively. you might note that they have a lot more notes to give to the latter, a lot more cautionary tales about how much brendon pushes his voice. if they do have critique to offer patrick, it’s in regards to clips of his prehiatus performances (or for that one 2013 thnks fr th mmrs performance when he was sick lol).

the bottom line for me is that patrick, stylistically, just has more range and more versatility. he can do virtually any genre - dancehall, rock, pop, rnb, hardcore, ska, funk, and SO MANY FUCKING MORE - and he can still sound distinctly himself. and for me, brendon only ever sounds like he’s singing the same song in the same genre; molding the song to suit his tastes and his range, and not the other way around.

all right thats all ive got steam for. patrick has always been a much more distinct and capable vocalist in my opinion and it kinda sucks that general public opinion seems to favor brendon so heavily cause brendon’s basically only got one emotional setting and couches the fact that he has no vocal dexterity in a lot of high notes and everyone just eats it up. it’s a diverting tactic and it’s worked. but that kinda seems to be brendon’s m.o. these days since he’s trying to shake low opinion of him by drumming up controversy and writing a song about a dude who hasn’t been in the same band as him in 13 years so

#askin hours #anon #i had to open so many incognito windows for this cause i dont want this infecting my youtubes lol #i just use youtube to watch vinesauce streams and once a month i rewatch line goes up and sherlock is garbage #ive also said this before but its really really telling to me how patrick and brendon get involved w other artists #patrick loves music. he loves composition he loves instrumentation #he loves writing songs for people and he'll sing if he's asked to but mostly he just loves music #brendon just seems to love attention. he never takes a project that doesn't put him in center stage

[wallflowerimagines]

YOU WRITE FOR BIOSHOCK??? PLS CAN WE GET DATE HEADCANONS FOR DIANE MCCLINTOCK I CAN TREAT HER SO MUCH BETTER THAN RYAN

GOOD!!!! YOU HAVE MY BLESSING!!!!

Warnings: 18+ suggestive implications, borderline cheating? I mean it's implied cucking of Andrew Ryan as he simultaneously gets dumped over the phone because I think it's funny 🤷

Diane McClintock First Date Headcannons

First things first: Andrew Ryan is a sonofabitch

Unfortunately, he is the exact type of sonofabitch that could prey on someone like Diane McClintock.

Diane has been raised a certain way that primed her for this Trainwreck of a relationship. Women are to be seen and not heard, and to be loved is the same thing as being taken care of. Andrew Ryan, despite his emotional distance, did take care of her.

The Bastard Founder of Rapture kept her at his beck and call for physical needs, and occasionally called her so that he could rant about his problems, but their relationship was never equal. Ryan wouldn't have wanted that, but the real tragedy is that Diane didn't think she needed it.

After all, Ryan was a visionary. A great man! He was fascinating, passionate and driven, and let Diane of all people witness his thought process and listen to him. When he wasn't thinking about Rapture, he might even take her out to dinner, at at that dinner give her a full set of diamond jewelry -- tennis bracelet included, of course! -- just because it would make her eyes sparkle. Wasn't that respect? Wasn't that love?

And he was so stressed all the time, so worried about the success and the future of Rapture... All Diane had to do was be supportive. She felt silly asking for more.

(No matter how empty she felt.)

So when you come along and actually engage with her intellectually? Oh, Diane is already halfway in love with you.

She's a smart cookie, and you actually acknowledge that. When you first met her, she was busy drinking her sorrows away at some high society party. And instead of using a sleazy pick up line, or offering to get her drunker, you recognize her as Ryan's partner and start to engage with her ABOUT RAPTURE.

Not just planning and infrastructure, but the philosophy behind the city. Did she come to the city for it's libertarian ideals? What are her thoughts on objectivism? Did she think it was even reasonable to build a city under the sea?

She can't remember the last time someone engaged with her so authentically. And you're not mindlessly agreeing with every point she makes either! You actually argue with Diane if you disagree with anything she says.

AND YOU LET HER DISAGREE WITH YOU. Diane is floored. She can't remember a time when she hasn't been pressured to agree with whomever she's speaking with, even simple acquaintances. (Again FUCK ANDREW RYAN)

The more you speak with her, the more you're drawn in, and the feeling is very much mutual. You ask for her opinion on everything, and you actually take her thoughts into account.

Your motivations are your own but they all boiled down to a simple truth--Diane is a gorgeous woman and you wanted to engage with her. She was fascinating, an everyman's intellectual (meant in the most flattering way possible). She's the sort of star worth approaching.

Diane can easily pick up on your genuine interest. The best part is that not only do you see HER as a whole person, but you're also great to talk to. You're funny! Interesting! Engaging! ....And very, very cute.

By the end of the night, you've burrowed into her brain. Diane is determined to see you again.

Despite the looming specter of Andrew Ryan hovering over you both, she asks you to dinner. Not a Date but... A "Talk".

A talk is innocent enough! Why not?

Your "Talk" is quite simple: a few days later, in a small booth at the back of a mid-tier restaurant where the two of you have enough privacy to speak about whatever crosses your mind.

However, when you show up, Diane is already there... Absolutely Dressed. To. Kill.

Something makes her want to really impress you, and not JUST with what she has to say. So when she tugs you down into the booth and starts chatting with you excitedly, she's also trying to get your every aspect of your focus.

Diane knows how to look her best, what angles of light flatter her features the most, and just the right movements that draw attention to just the right places.

When you look down, she crosses and uncrosses her legs, the slit of her dress separating in the most tantalizing way. She draws your attention to her lips, tilts her head to expose the column of her throat, gestures her fingers in such a way that forces your gaze to follow her neckline and keep going...

And as intellectual as you are, and as much as you might have been drawn in by her opinions... it's, uh, REALLY hard to be immune to that kind of attention.

(To a woman who wants to be heard just as much as she wants to be wanted, your flustered gaze and distracted rambling is everything she hoped it would be ❤️)

At the end of the night, Diane's heartbeat is loud enough that she can hear it in her ears. She's not a love at first sight kind of gal, but she is a big believer in The Spark of Chemistry going on between you both.

It's already a better start than any relationship she's ever had before.

It's not that hard for her to convince you to head back to her penthouse for a nightcap, and from there the conversation continues, toeing the line into addressing the palpable tension between you.

With you beside her on her settee, Diane talks to you honestly about her present and future, about giving up a life of comfort, about how Andrew defined freedom and how trapped she felt within that narrative... and she wonders at the stab of pain in her chest at the understanding smile on your face as you get up and offer to leave.

Diane pulls you back down into a searing kiss that has you borderline delirious. Her choice is obvious. You are NOT complaining. 💖

...And then her private phone rings. The exclusive line. Ryan.

Unhooking the phone, Diane puts a finger to her lips with a grin, and you match her mischief immediately, moving your attention elsewhere.

You're pressing kisses into her neck, marking up her skin with teeth and tongue and moving down, down, down as Diane breathlessly twirls the phone cord in her free hand.

"Andrew? What a coincidence, I was just about to ring you," She lets out a giggling sigh as your hand slides up her thigh, bunching her dress just above her waist, "We need to talk..."

#first date Headcannons #first date #bioshock #BioShock Diane McClintock #diane mcclintock #diane mcclintock x reader #bioshock x reader #bioshock headcannons #Ryan getting dumped by Diane while she gets pampered might be my new kink #he absolutely ends the call rock hard and questioning a lot of things #someone dom him back to sanity #not me #but someone has to do it #also got a little flowery in the middle but whatcha gonna do

[aribaran]

Hey, I was curious about the world building of your hockey series and why you decided to have women in the NHL and keep the enforcer role as something a lot more common than today's NHL?

the short answer is those are the stories i wanted to tell and the awesome thing about writing your own book is you can basically write whatever you want as long as a publisher is willing to buy it, haha.

the longer answer, at least for bee, is that i do think that there are women who are incredibly talented and that it could be a possibility one day and i enjoy thinking about what that would look like. when you look at players like marie philip-poulin or even nela lopušanová, both of whom are such smart and ridiculously talented women, you wonder how it would go for them in a men's league. relatively tiny guys have long careers all of the time, why not imagine a woman playing in the pro leagues? there aren't actually rules prohibiting them from playing.

i originally started writing the series with bee as the heroine of the first book, because i thought it was a really interesting story, like how would she deal with being one of the most talented people in a room at any given time, but still have to constantly bite her tongue because she was aware how precarious her position was and how the dream could be yanked away at any moment. a large part of her internal drama in her book was not wanting to be a distraction in the locker room/feeling like she couldn't have a relationship with sakari because it could jeopardize her spot on the team/etc but ultimately deciding she could have hockey AND someone who loved her too.

for various reasons, i wasn't able to finish that book (not the least of which an author friend of mine convinced me that as a debut author it would be easier to sell a series that wasn't mixed het and queer relationships and she was right :\) but i liked bee as a character too much to cut her out or rewrite her as a man. from what i can see with the reviews, she is somewhat polarizing. people seem to either really like her or completely hate her. 🤷🏻 i don't regret leaving her in though. i think she's a very fun character to write and i love her friendship with mike so much.

for bee's arc, too, the way she integrates into the team and is a huge reason for their success was also really satisfying for me to write. i like to envision a league that may still have its issues with racism and sexism and homophobia, but ultimately, has the possibility of being more inclusive and accepting. and that's something i'm ideally going to be able to explore in later books but idk how many i'll get, so!

as for the enforcers, i don't think danny or mike are really old school enforcers in the sense that they're completely useless on the ice for anything except fighting. they have contemporary analogues: for example, i see danny as more of a ryan reaves or a nicolas deslauriers type of guy. he may not have the TOI of a top four d-man (yes i know the other two are forwards but it's the general principle), but he's not a total liability when he's out there. there's more fighting in the book than there is in real life, again for drama's sake, but i'll put it this way, des had 136 PIM last season, and a good amount of those were fights. it's not as uncommon as you'd really like to think (or maybe just me being forced to watch the flyers so much...it wasn't as uncommon, rip). and let's not kid ourselves about why guys like reaves and des are both constantly in demand, even if they may not be the most talented players.

if you're interested i have a longer post on my substack about both danny and mike's character arcs and why i wrote them the way i did, including the sources i used. basically my books are romances, but i am someone who is deeply interested in hockey culture and history, so the books are love stories, but they are also avenues for me to interrogate the kind of fucked up aspects of hockey culture. for danny and mike, that was the culture of fighting, playing through pain and ignoring your mental health, the intense and crushing toxic masculinity these men are subjected to from the time they are little kids to the time they are forced to retire. i am doing this too in delay of game, but the focus is on anxiety disorders and body dysmorphia (and the kind of fucked up way that hockey people have of talking about hockey players' bodies).

hopefully that helped answer your question!

#questions

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend, hoping your in the mood for some incoherent Friday rambling because that's where I'm at right now and have been for days. First off, i think we should both thank and curse the new intern 911 hired, who apparently switched out the promo team's decaf for some Columbian dark roast. Seriously after spending the first half of the season practically catatonic between episodes suddenly we can't catch a break for even 24 hours before the next unhinged thing comes out. Next, let's

thank Mr. Ryan Guzman for looking at his character's scene notes, apparently rolling his eyes, and deciding to take matters into his own hands. Look, I'm not trying to say the rest of the 118 doesn't look devastated, but Eddie looks like he's about to start bawling on the floor and that's the real reason he grabbed Chim. I'll come back to this but his moments sure don't hit like pure platonic concern, there is some real desperation there. Also not to bring up KR rambling but lady if you were so surprised by Ryan's performance and didn't want it to come across like THAT, aren't you in charge? Couldn't you make the call and say "I need you to give me less"?? Anyway, the parallels between this and Eddie's shooting are ridiculous, so I also gave to think if this isn't going somewhere what the fuck is the point?? Why go through all this trouble to make it so obvious and heartfelt and hurt so much if it just goes back to business as usual?? That more than anything would piss me off. Yes, let Buck learn a thing or two about his own worth (we've only been waiting SEASONS for it), but also can we stop pretending putting these two specific characters in these life and death scenarios where they have to watch the other dying and their whole world looks like it's coming apart doesn't mean anything?? Finally (for now) here's what I'd like to see next episode. We know Buck is going to see the people he loves but not in the way he knows he knows them. So I'd love to be what prompts him to wake is seeing Chris. But not just any version of him. This Chris is an orphan, his mom died and there wasn't anyone to save his Dad from getting shot. He lives with his grandparents (pre Ramon reckoning), he had to go to them since there was no other parent in Eddie's life to take care of him. So this bright, brave kid is now sad and scared of the world, and Buck knows its wrong. I'll leave you with this mess of thoughts 😭.

Hello friend! We had people over this evening so I'm trying to get this done before I get to bed because I really do need to clear out my inbox (RIP to everyone who came to be salty with me and KR's interviews because we immediately got sneak peeks and poker stills and DO MORE, and my brain went offline).

Seriously, I don't know who started slipping the promo team cocaine but damn. Let us REST for a second! Between them and the fandom coming out in FORCE to wreck us or be horny on main, it's A Lot and I need sleep!

Ryan is out here giving us The Most and KR acting *shocked pikachu* about it just shows how much she sleeps on Ryan as an actor and Eddie as a character.I rewatched 6x10 and like, I know he's got a lot next episode but for a premier maybe we could have checked in with him and Chris since we checked in with literally everyone else at their homes? I'm trying not to be too negative because after s5 and 6a, this is THEE most excited I've been in awhile and I really do think the show is at least trying to course correct after....whatever TF 6a was and the weirdness of s5.

And the stuff with Eddie, it's like, you're right they COULD tell him to do less! They could say "this is what we're looking for" or at least "this is what we're NOT looking for" but clearly his actions were signed off on and made it to air knowing full well what people would see when they watched it. And what you see is a man desperately broken by the possibility of losing his partner. Which is GREAT if the show is working on a s7 Buddie reveal plan (I'm with @outrunningthedark I don't think they want to overshadow the Madney moment coming up which is fine), but it's....disappointing when there is so much good stuff going on right now and all KR wants to talk about is how much fun they had forcing Eddie "they're not really my type" Diaz to casually date randos because that's something he's ever been interested in doing. He really seems like a guy that enjoys wasting his limited free time meeting lots of new people only interested in getting into his pants instead of taking care of his partner who literally died for several minutes, and doing things with his son. Sure Jan. FFS, read the room! Or read the character profile before you start throwing storylines at the wall to see what sticks (lookin' at you sperm donor plot that is apparently giving Nothing). Yeah, yeah, managing expectations with a showrunner like her is good, but it's also a lot of whiplash right now between what we're seeing on our screens and what she's trying to TELL us we're seeing on our screens. I'm just so sick of them giving what should be THEE moment for Buddie only to follow it up by shoving some woman between them like "oh, nothing to see here!" Give me a break. And then what are they going to do for the actual reveal? How are they going to raise the stakes AGAIN? How are they going to be like, "yeah this is the 5th time one of us has almost died, but THIS time it's allowed to be an "Oh" moment for us because TPTB finally signed off on it!" 🙄🙄🙄 On the bright side, the Buddie of it all has kept the show trending off an on for almost two weeks and will certainly continue through next week so at least whoever is paying attention to that stuff and saw how dead everything was after the finale has some comparison to work with!

ANYWAY

Sad an lonely Chris would be HEARTBREAKING and my heart couldn't take it! 😭😭😭 That boy deserves ONLY good things! I will say I am a little...not mad but I am certainly side-eyeing this coma storyline seeming to be about how Buck's work as a firefighter is what changed everyone's lives because like, YES him being at the 118 changed everything for everyone, but also this is the guy who panic-sued the department to get back to work because he felt worthless if he wasn't doing his job. Which we then found out stemmed from childhood trauma and neglect, but right now, for where he's at, he's not questioning his choice of job so he doesn't need a push like Eddie to come back to where he belongs. And he's already wrapped up in a storyline that SHOULD be about him giving up parts and pieces of himself to make other's happy at cost to his own happiness (though right now we don't know WHAT it's suppose to be about since he's not going to struggle with walking away per Oliver and he's not learning anything so what's the point?). So how is better for him to be facing a life where Daniel lived and he's loved and happy (which is what they've been making it sound like) but everyone at the 118 is a mess without him, proving that it's better for everyone ELSE if he sacrifices everything and doesn't get the happy life he always dreamed of? Like I'm not trying to be negative and I'm still REALLY excited about the episode (as you can see from my unhinged posting this week) and I just KNOW everyone's performances are going to slay us, and this storyline might go differently than I'm expecting and be something really great! But I'm just...getting my side-eyes out because if KR has proved anything it's that she can't plan a fucking arc for shit, and she lacks a basic understanding of the trauma and driving forces behind the characters.

Final note because I didn't want to end on that one, I think everyone in the firefam deserves an Emmy for what they're going to give us and I am READY for their reactions to rip my heart out and stomp on it. It is TIME Buck wakes up with his REAL family around his bed and knows how very much he is loved for just being Buck and how hard they fought to bring him back to them, because he's their family and they CHOOSE him. Buck is always the one being left, but he's going to wake up and hear how everyone he loves begged him to stay with them. It's going to be *delicious*

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #911 #911 spoilers #evan buckely #buddie #firefam #i can be side-eyeing something from a fandom perspective #but still take my goggles off enough to enjoy watching it play out when it airs #i reserve the right to be salty about it later #but in the moment i will not be immune to anyone being in tears

[thesilverlady]

There is something really bothering me in the show, why there is an obsession in turning every relationship abusive? Viserys/Alicent wasn't abusive in the book, Aegon/Helaena wasn't abusive and if Aegon was an asshole to his wife grrm will not shy away from writing it down (we have seen it with other targaryen men) Daemon was ambitious and his ambition was one of the reasons why get with Rhaenyra but he will never physically abuse her and Rhaenyra will never allow it she literally wanted him to be in jail just because she believed he has cheated on her let alone hit her lmao even Larys/Alicent there is no mention in the book that larys was a creep and the way his scene with Alicen screams ableism. Like I would never understand why Ryan thought it would be a good idea to make every fucking female character get abused 💀

the answer is ✨ misogyny ✨ anon

f&b has misogyny as a theme and I swear to god, nobody and nothing can convince me that Ryan read that book. He probably saw a mention of this and thought "oh okay, I can do women suffering. Easy!"

When it came to the dance era, the misogyny we saw was mostly towards Rhaneyra, since she was challenging the system by fighting for her rightful claim.

There were some "softer" instances that people brash over, for instance Alicent being rumored to be fucking the old King, the Viserys, then losing her virginity to Daemon out of revenge. Alicent probably didn't do much to stir though rumors. She just existed, interacted with some men and because mushroom is delusional and the maesters women-haters they threw ideas here and there. Of course whatever rumors she had at the start are brushed over extremely quickly, so I can see why nobody even brings it up. Whereas with Rhaneyra they're always present because the maesters are very biased.

But you're completely right, Viserys& Alicent didn't have a single hint that could indicate their marriage to be abusive.

Rhaenyra & Daemon may have had their drama during the war but Rhaneyra was a prideful woman and she would have never let daemon talk to her - let alone touch her, the way the show portrayed him to do so.

Aegon & Helaena's marriage is also not really reported other than it happened and it led to children. The end. Everything else is brushed over and Helaena and her kids exist to die and push further the story. But again, no mention of abuse or mistreatment. At best you could claim indifference. But even that it's a matter of interpretation.

And yeah Larys wasn't a weirdo in canon and I'm honest surprised how the casual albeism in the show did very little noise 💀

Ryan and the team probably think misogyny = women being treated terribly by their significant other + trauma.

Writing it about it being systematic and having a female character at a disadvantage while being theoretically in a position of power is far too challenging for him, hence why we got this salad of mess

#ask reply #anti hotd #anti Ryan Condal #nothing will convince me that man doesn't hate women #Alicent being aged down and raped #pretending Rhaenyra wasn't groomed by Cole and trying to make him a victim #only to later get abused by her own husband #having Helaena implying that Aegon also rapes her? and Alicent otto Viserys don't even blink? #that man hates women I'm telling #the feet scene was everything. weird - albeist - misogynistic - and pointless for the story

[bellysoupset]

I would love to see something where Jonah's obscenely hungover but he has an obligation he absolutely can't miss - maybe he volunteers or something? But I don't want to impose anything OOC on you, so whatever obligation he might find important!! And maybe he only got so drunk because he was upset about something, so he gets really bad hangxiety on top of just feeling awful

This was so fun to write, because I got to flesh out some more of their backstory! Thank you for the ask!!! &lt;3

Curse Leo's birthday for being the day before Jonah's mom. Curse Lucas for deciding to host the birthday party. Curse Vince for going around the party distributing tequila shots like he was being paid for it.

Jonah was not one to crumble under peer pressure, never had been, but it wasn't "peers", it was Leo and well... Maybe Jonah had a soft spot for his big sad eyes. Whatever, it wasn't like he was the only one, everyone in the team babied Leo, despite him being the oldest one.

So he had done the tequila shots, on top of the two beers he had already just because. The party seemed to get a lot more fun after that: Lucas and Vince had thrown Leo into the building's pool, Ryan and Mikey had finally been drunk enough to get over their horrible flirting and made out against a wall like their lives depended on it, Bella had serenaded Leo, much to Jonah's delight, because the other man's eyes had been the size of saucers since he was always walking on eggshells around her, then they had played never have I ever and Vince had gone from "buzzed" to "absolutely fucking sloshed" and-

He woke up in Lucas' couch. The light filtering through the living room window felt like knives to his skull and Jonah rolled on his stomach, only to immediately regret as the new pressure to his belly made hot alcohol gurgle up his throat.

He valiantly swallowed it back, squeezed his eyes shut and breathed through the flare of nausea. Next to him on the large couch, he felt someone move and then a hand on his calf.

"Jon?"

Leo. The little shit.

"Ugh," he groaned and his friend - the closest thing he had to a best friend - squeezed his leg again.

"What are you doing here?" Leo's voice was shot from all the yelling he had done the night before, made worse by the alcohol dehydration. Jonah buried his face in the cushions to muffle his voice, making a point he was not answering him.

He hand on his half squeezed him again and then the couch moved as Leo got up. Jonah moved his face and cranked one eye open, squinting. Leo was stretching and he looked rough, but he looked alive, which was more than Jonah could say about himself. The apartment was trashed.

Leo turned to look at him, opened a boyish smile and then said, "are you sticking around for lunch?"

Lunch?

Jonah sat up in a jolt, then moaned as the entire living room twirled around him. He clamped a hand over his mouth as a fruitless gag tried to bring up the alcohol again, swallowed the thick saliva that kept pooling in his mouth and rubbed at his forehead, like he could push the headache away.

"Lunch?" he felt shaky and sick, actually sick.

"Yeah, it's past 10 and I don't think anyone's up yet, so it'll be lunch by the time we-" Leo started to answer, a little confused and Jonah felt the urge to be sick all over again, but for a new reason.

"I'm late. Shit," Jonah groaned, using the couch to push himself up. The blonde man in front of him frowned, even more lost.

"Late for what...?"

"Mind your business," Jonah snapped without thinking, looking around the room in search of his shirt. He found it over the dinner table, along with a bunch of empty pizza boxes, tequila bottles and a passed out Toby who was snoring loudly.

"Jon, I don't think you sh-"

Jonah patted his trousers for his wallet and keys, let out a sigh of relief as he felt them there and then moved around searching for his phone. It was buried in the cushions and he fished it out, all while Leo said "Man, you look about to topple over, you can't possibly be leaving!"

"Bye," Jonah answered to that, then ran off the apartment.

Lucas' fancy building offered their own driving service - not that many people were aware of it - and Jonah used it to get back to his own place. He didn't have time to dwell on the monstrous headache he had or the fact that every time he moved too fast, his stomach tried to eject itself.

His phone beeped.

Jackie: I'm almost at the restaurant. Can't wait to see you.

Well, fuck. Jonah groaned, pressing his forehead to the car's window and breathing through his mouth. He swallowed down a burp, knowing it was just his body trying to trick him into puking.

"Mr. Banks? Are you alright, sir?"

"I'm fine," Jonah sighed, turning the phone down and not bothering to answer his mother. She'd have to wait.

He got to her favorite restaurant ten minutes late. Now freshly showered and shaved, looking less like death, even though he had spent pretty much all of the shower gagging and spitting frothy saliva that tasted like stale beer.

Jackie was waiting for him near the stairs for the second floor. She was wearing a coral dress and a cream straw hat was in her hands, along with the sunglasses. She opened a huge smile as she saw him.

"Jonah!"

She all but tackled him with a hug and Jonah squeezed his eyes shut and bit down a gag at being squeezed, tried not to breathe in her sweet perfume.

"Hi mum."

"Look at you," His mom gloated, cupping his face, "you look amazing."

"You look amazing," he said back, planting a kiss to her temple and gesturing for the stairs so they could go up. He was clutching her gift bag in his sweaty hands, trying hard to not let it show on his face just how absurdly sick he was feeling.

They had reservations and Jonah tried not to squint at how bright the second floor was. It had a panoramic view of the town's shore, but fuck it made his splitting headache even worse. He had started to sweat, cold sweat running down his back and soaking his shirt, thankfully concealed away by his blazer.

"Honey, you have no idea how much I missed you," Jackie said with a sad smile, "why can't you move closer?"

"My career is here, mum," Jonah rolled his eyes, but smiled at her nonetheless. It was the same dumb argument all the time, his mother asking he moved to Switzerland with her and his tennis player stepfather, regardless the fact he was twenty five and that he had never exchanged more than a couple words with her husband, Matteo.

She opened her mouth to argue and normally he would humor her, but not today. Jonah planted the bag on the table and gestured for her, "got you a gift. It's not much but-" his voice was dripping with false modesty.

"I'm sure I'm going to love it," Jackie smiled, taking the bag and pulling out a black velvet box. Her eyes sparkled and Jonah would've felt smug, wasn't it for the fact his mouth was once again starting to fill up with salty saliva. He squeezed his leg with one hand, while his mom opened the jewelry box and gasped in delight.

"Oh it's beautiful!"

He opened a tight lipped smile, glancing at the emerald and diamonds necklace. It was pretty indeed, but today just looking at it made his head throb, as the sunlight danced on the gems. His stomach churned severely, so much so it sent up a gurgle that made even his mother, sitting across from him, raise an eyebrow.

"You must be starving, Jonah..." then she waved it off, "you football kids... Don't worry, food's going to be here in no time."

"Yeah," Jonah said through clenched teeth, turning his head as if he was looking at the view, when in reality he was taking deep breaths to stop himself from gagging.

"How's Veronica's boy?" Jackie asked, still toying with her new necklace, enthralled by it like a little child.

"Lucas' fine," he raised a hand gingerly to his lips and muffled a burp. If his mother noticed, she didn't comment on it.

"Good," she said, unbothered, "I worry about him."

"Yeah," Jonah groaned, unsure of what he was agreeing to, he just wanted her to shut up. His mom didn't though, she reached over the table to squeeze his hand, the one not currently hanging limply in the air ready to cup his mouth again.

"How are you, love?"

Fuck, not the emotional crap when he couldn't even think. He pulled his hand back as if it was burning, to wrap it around his stomach as a particularly gnarly cramp hit him and made the nausea triplicate. It deepened even more as Jon caught a glimpse of his mother's face, the flash of hurt in her green eyes.

"Jonah, I just worry about you so much," she tried to explain herself and he shook his head to stop her, but suddenly found he couldn't open his mouth. Not if he planned on not puking.

He reached to grab the table and pull himself up, ready to go hurl in the man's room, but just then the waiter arrived with their entrees and Jonah was hit by the strong smell of onion cream. He gagged silently and chunks flooded his mouth-

Jonah reached in and grabbed the baby blue gift bag and buried his face in it, gagging weakly but it was enough to trigger his delicate stomach and even more puke poured out of his mouth. He clutched at the thick paper bag, knees wavering. The nausea was unrelenting and his head felt someone was taking a hammer to it.

Someone pulled him sitting down and he bend in half, still throwing up, now with a loud retch that caused his eyes to sting with the sheer humiliation of it. He was causing a scene.

Jonah coughed the last of the bits, pulling his head back to breathe and fought down a harsh gag. He was not going to throw up again.

There was a soft hand on the middle of his back, one cupping his forehead and he heard his mother say something a harsh french, then the bag was taken away from him and a new bucket placed in its place between his legs. He gagged just looking at it, but Jonah shook his head.

"Not gonna hurl again," he vowed, only for his mother to let out a soft chuckle, probably eye rolling at him.

"I wish you had told me you were ill," she said, grabbing the fabric napkin and starting to clean his mouth. His hands were shaking badly, but he took over the chore, pushing her delicate manicured fingers away. This was beyond humiliating.

"Not sick," Jonah groaned, muffling a wet burp in the napkin and gagging again. He bent in half and his mother sighed, rubbing his back.

"Alright, sweetheart..."

"No," Jonah straightened up, "hangover."

"Oh," her eyebrows raised and she eyed him up and down in surprise, not anger, "well, I wish you had told me anyway," Jackie wrinkled her nose, "this could've been a dinner."

Jonah let out a weak smile, resting his elbow on the table and his head on his hand, "I'm sorry, mum..."

"I'm sure this was lesson enough," she scoffed, combing her fingers through his curls, "perhaps we should leave."

Perhaps. Jonah stood up gingerly, didn't even swat her away as she grabbed his arm, overly eager to help. He couldn't even remember the last time he had puked in front of his mom. Back when he was ten, maybe.

She seemed to be thinking the same thing, as they slowly made their way back to the front floor, "this is alright, actually."

"Excuse me?" Jonah scoffed, muffling a wet belch in his hand and leaning heavily against the wall. Jackie rubbed his back.

"This birthday," she shrugged, planting her other hand on the middle of his chest and smiling sweetly at him, "it's alright."

"God mum, low standards much?" Jonah groaned, but little butterflies joined the awful churning in his stomach.

#jonah banks #emetophilia #sickfic #mywriting

[hato-mercenary]

Let's talk about tactical medicine. Or more specifically, what not to fucking do to a patient that has been shot in the neck. I'm not even going to touch on the tactical failures here (like the guy with the machine gun getting off the line to render aid during an active firefight), but they are numerous and painful for those that understand.

So, Soldat Dipshitovitch takes one to the neck. He gets run behind some concealment, where his fellow Nobel candidates begin rendering aid yet make several critical errors.

1. Failure to apply direct pressure to the source of the bleed. Ideally one of the people rendering aid should have a finger inside that hole. Failing that they should be at least one pressing down on the wound at all times and yet even that is not happening. At one point, the person with the camera is just holding a roll of gauze while waiting for the other guy to remove the plate carrier. While this is happening, Soldat Dipshitovitch is continuing to bleed to death.

2. Failure to pack the wound. Once the plate carrier is off they begin to bandage the wound by wrapping gauze around the neck. This is wrong. You are supposed to pack wounds like this. Failing that, at least wrap the bandage under the opposing arm so you aren't choking your patient. You don't put a tourniquet on someone's neck for the exact same reason. This is basic shit.

3. Giving morphine to a hemodynamically unstable patient. Seriously they just hit him with a WWII style morphine syrette. If Soldat Dipshitovitch wasn't going to die before they did that, he's definitely going to now. Morphine reduces blood pressure and respiratory drive. If you have a patient in compensated shock, administering just 2mg of morphine can easily push them to decompensate. The patient here has already lost a lot of blood due to the above mentioned fuckery. This is why our first line drug for trauma patients here is ketamine. You can administer it with far less risk of killing your trauma patients.

And that's it. Thanks for reading through my explanation as to why Russian TCCC or whatever they call it is a mess. Unless the goal was to recreate the scene where the medic dies in Saving Private Ryan only way more avoidable, in which case they succeeded brilliantly.

#russia ukraine conflict #military #combat medic #tw blood #tw death #combat footage #medicine

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hey! strange (and very specific) request but… do you have any recommendations for romances where for whatever reason the MFC slaps the MMC and he is VERY into it, or something of a similar vibe. Thanks!

I'm not 100% sure on the *slapping* aspect of these, but I do know they at least fit the vibe for certain! Because I.... also like this.

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. I think Gia probably slaps Enzo at some point in this book, but she for sure bites his arm to draw blood and he almost comes early because of it. He's very into her aggression. TW: kidnapping, dubcon, consensual non-consent

Priest by Sierra Simone. I'm not sure this happens in the original book, which is.... so good, but ~Father Bell~ and Poppy do have a D/s relationship. In the sequel novella, Midnight Mass, which is SO GOOD but cannot be read alone, this definitely happens when they have combative sex following a fight. And her coworker he's jealous of watches from a distance, lol.

New Camelot trilogy by Sierra Simone (must be read in order). This is a menage MMF romance; everyone is involved, everyone is in love. This vibe definitely exists between Embry and Ash, the two men, but it also happens with Embry and Greer at a couple points. Because Embry likes to struggle but he also likes it when she struggles. A perfect man.

Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre. Not sure if the exact vibe you're looking for, but this is a femdom contemporary where the hero is an alpha male billionaire and he asks the heroine (his employee lol) to dom him. She does. A lot of her domination is more orgasm denial/findom, but she does get a bit more aggressive with him at points.

The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe. I don't think Nellie ever slaps Lockwood, but he does come from her scratching him hard enough to draw blood MULTIPLE times. He gets off on giving and receiving pain, and they have a very combative relationship in the beginning.

Pleasure of a Dark Prince by Kresley Cole. Definitely one of the most standalone-friendly IAD books (and a favorite of mine), hero is a werewolf and heroine is his fated mate who, oops, happens to be a valkyrie sworn to be chaste in devotion to her goddess. She definitely kicks, slaps, punches him, and he's like "uMMMMMM JUST SO YOU KNOW THAT TOTALLY WORKS FOR ME".

Mating the Huntress by Talia Hibbert. A softer werewolf novella that's very hot; heroine and hero get into a fight in his apartment at some point because she's a huntress trying to kill him. He's like "omg she's so strong I love her". A total smitten kitten. Or puppy.

The Worst Guy by Kate Canterbary. Again, not sure about a slap, but they're very combative, and he's very into her scratching, calling him names, etc during sex.

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale. She probably slaps him, definitely scratches/bites him in this one, and he is SOOOOO into it. It's a medieval, and the first sex scene is "she was into it and then she wasn't" in a consummation of the marriage kind of way. Personally, I think it's one of the best "combative" romances I've ever read.

The Kingmaker by Kennedy Ryan. I think Lennix does slap Maxim at one point before they fuck on a conference room table. Angrily.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

[agoddamn]

Some more assorted TaiBani 2 thoughts

Felt like a setup season in a lot of ways, which is not necessarily bad but you have NO idea how blueballed I am after waiting 11 years for a setup season. Please, I'm begging you, Tiger and Bunny needs more Tiger and Bunny.

As cute as it is to have Tiger and Bunny mentor an off-brand version of themselves, the new Heroes mostly feel like a filler distraction. This is another thing not helped by the setup structure of the first cour; they're very obviously planning something plotwise with the knockoff twins but there's no payoff here. Ditto whatever the fuck is up with Cat's mom.

The visuals...are not bad, but something is missing. TB always had a lot of flair to its crowd shots and never felt generic. It always felt like it wasn't modern-day, to me, but TB2 feels a little less visually striking in that sense. Like, the fashions and such in the original series are appealing while also feeling distinctly...70s (ie Farrah Fawcett Bunny) and TB2 doesn't quite have that

...is it bad that I almost dislike the found-family vibe the Heroes have now? LMAO god that sounds so stupid but there was something I enjoyed a lot about the bizarre "barely know you but might have to die for you but also wanna kick your ass on the scoreboard" work dynamic they had in the original series. I really liked the fucked up sponsorship stuff but they seemed to have eased back on that...for now

Absolutely love the greater exploration the original set of Heroes got, tho!! Especially Keith and Ivan, who have been kinda gimmickbots

I wish the English translators would fucking speak to the English localizers re: Fire Emblem cos the dub using 'them' for Fire Emblem feels like a copout when official English subs use 'he'. I am entirely fine with Nathan being a nonbinary person who chooses to use 'he!' Just, fucking communicate and commit

So the second cour is poised to involve mysterious old book lady (100% chance of Ouroboros conspiracy), LL Audun (ditto)--

actually I'm speculating that mysterious old book lady is a retired Hero and will probably be tapped for info on Audun, and at least one of them is involved with Ouroboros

--Ryan is set to heavily figure (it's his ol' nemesis that ran off with the fancy drugs, after all), and I suspect the NEXT drug is also gonna be teased as a potential restoration of Kotetsu's powers

--does anyone else remember that we never addressed power-spike Kotetsu having the same aura as Jake (orange)? And they gave the Ouroboros twins a purple aura here to represent their power-spike, so. WHAT DOES IT MEAN, etc

Oh, yeah, and Yuri did literally nothing in spite of a big fancy shot in the OP so he's definitely due to be involved with the second cour. Particularly since Audun will inevitably involve Legend and the older generation of Heroes

I was kinda zzz'd by the Ouroboros Wonder Twins. They've obviously got Narrative Reasons for being there, but the attempt to build pathos fell flat with me. Oh nooo, their handler actually cared for them and felt bad when sending them out to kill got them killed. Gasp. Who could have seen this coming. If only there were some way this could have been avoided. Like, the dude didn't seem like he was seriously trying to get out of Ouroboros for their sake, or doing anything else to try and give them better lives, so his sadness comes off as a little "oh no, not the consequences of my actions!" to me

That said, I did find it interesting for the window it gave us into Ouroboros--namely that their handler seems to have been some kind of low-level enforcer who worked his way up (that whole comment about high-ranking people not normally having visible tattoos). Ouroboros is allegedly interested in NEXT supremacy, but uses NEXTs as little more than attack dogs

#taibani kita #tiger and bunny #tiger and bunny spoilers

[tuiyla]

hope you don't mind my (way, way too long) input as a Klaine Fan™️ - you don't have to post/answer if it's too much for you, I just wanted to share my thoughts - but I feel like Klaine was one of the few things that Matthew Hodgson didn't completely fuck up. in almost the eps he's written, the Klaine parts have been relatively okay and even good in some cases.

I know Glee, Actually is a dud for the most part but I really enjoyed the Blaine/Burt/Kurt family dynamic in their portion of the episode. it could've been better, since our fandom was expecting the mature conversation about Blaine's cheating that we were promised in 4x08 instead of that being overshadowed by Burt's cancer diagnosis, but I blame that on Ryan Murphy (since he admitted to including Burt's cancer storyline as a way to cope w/ his own father's death from cancer) and not on Matt Hodgson. for what he was given to work with, the man did a pretty decent job with the Klaine storyline in that ep and I was more or less satisfied with it.

I'd say that Transitioning was even better. IMO it was by far Klaine's best episode in season 6, because it completely did away with so much of what bothered me about their storyline in S6 (namely Sue's interference in their relationship + the way that she was used to mock fans) and instead it went back to the roots of why they loved (and liked) each other in the first place. plus it included a bunch of fun callbacks to the episode in which they had their first kiss, which I really appreciated. somehow it even made me feel okay with Blainofsky, and that breakup scene in 6x07 was what cemented to me that Karofsky really had grown and changed into a better person and that there were zero malicious intentions in his relationship with Blaine. I'm honestly impressed that the same clown who wrote IKAG managed to pull off an episode like that.

it's kind of odd that Matt did such a good job with Klaine in his eps while completely fucking over everyone else in the same episode (see Glee Actually and the Bram wedding 🤮 compared to Klaine's sweet family storyline), and even in IKAG Klaine got a whole-ass duet while Brittany stayed mute and wasn't allowed to talk to her girlfriend. he gave Kurt and Blaine the best in his eps and didn't give that care to anyone else on the show. hmmm...y'know what, I've solved the mystery - maybe Matt is the evil Klaine anon 🤪

(but then again, Puppet Master exists, so maybe everything I've just said is completely invalid and Matt Hodgson is just the worst as a whole...two decent Klaine eps are not enough to make up for all the atrocities he's committed 🥴)

This is much appreciated!

Klaine (+ Burt) are the saving grace of Glee, Actually for sure, and I think Transitioning is okay for what it is. Haven't watched it in a long while but like, it was alright, and I agree that the Klaine parts were good, even. I'm not sure if there's a reason he did a surprisingly good job with Klaine - I forgot to make this point earlier, but I genuinely believe he's just a bad writer. That doesn't mean he doesn't have good moments, but by putting together his portfolio we can see that there's a theme of completely butchering, well, theme lol and characters for the sake of stupid punchlines or just some random ass plotpoint. I think he's the type of writer who's annoying because they think they're being sooo clever and funny.

Anyway, so whatever the reason may be, I agree with you and I appreciate this perspective. I think he can tap into some good stuff, like the NY stuff in Glee, Actually, while also getting carried away with his own BS. I think it could be fun - well, cathartic at least to properly go through his stories and examine why exactly he's a flop. Except for IKAG because, ugh, shuddering at the thought. And you know I do feel like disclaiming that this is all just about his work 😂 He's probably a decent dude, whatever, I've just had anons trying to make things personal with him and I don't believe in that. I'll leave the man's character alone but I will maintain that he's a shit writer with occasional good moments, and credit where credit is due his handling of Klaine was okay and even good in places. Maybe that's because he is EKA 😌

But yeah, Flopson is still a flop but he gets a "not as much of a jerk bad writer as he could have been" badge. Nothing will ever fully redeem him but he didn't completely suck in his handling of Glee lol. And hey, an actual Klaine discussion instead of whatever EKA is, yay 😂

#i didn't know that about rm that's valid i think #makes me wonder why he wasn't the one to write it then but yeah rm can have that one #the matthew hodgson thread #i'll begrudgingly also admit that saturday night glee-ver is also okay #until it isn't because then it becomes AWFUL #but he had an okay 25 minutes or so #glee asks #klaine asks #hopefulobjectmiracle

[weabooweedwitch]

domestic violence tw, im fine but it involves my sister being hurt (in the past) that I JUST found out about last night and im just extremely extremely EXTREMELY UPSET

I dont even. I dont even know how to say this. During the one year I wasn't talking to my sister or barely talking to her because i was just going through a lot and our relationship is complicated and I didnt want to deal with it, I was mostly just hearing bits and pieces about her life through our mom, amd since my sister has bipolar/bpd/substance issues we were really just getting blips over text, and when she did finally call it would be kind of brief and she's always very drunk to the point she kind of just dumps 20 different topics on you and then hangs up. So we aren't always aware or up to date on what she's been doing or going through and often we have to ask questions over and over just to know minor details about how she's doing

So apparently at some point last year my sister's then-boyfriend actually tried to kill her and there's even an article about the assault online and it's just

She apparently told our mom when it happened and she told her in such a weird casual way my mom didn't even realize she was being serious? My sister has been walking around thinking we didn't care that she got seriously hurt? Jesus Christ this article uses public record or whatever to talk about how my sister had fucking BITE MARKS from him and he tried to strangle her so hard it left bruises on her neck and I just

even when she told me last night, she was just casually like "did mom ever tell you Ryan tried to kill me? Yeah, in May, just Google -------"

Im just so fucked up right now. I wasn't there to support her. She was alone. I googled the article after I got off the phone with her and read the details and just started hysterically crying because oh my god, I didn't know, she must have thought I didn't even care an

And. Like. My mom's reaction was also extremely upsetting to me. Because im literally finding out from an article online that my sister was attacked last year and im JUST NOW FINDING OUT, im hysterically sobbing "oh my god what did I do,, i left her alone" and our actual fucking mom is just like. She was acting so fucking weird? She just kept saying shit over and over like "I didn't know, she didn't say anything" and she's like clearly upset but she's not crying? Not one single tear?

And I even say "im just kind of in shock that you both miscommunicated this so fucking badly, that she's been walking around under the impression she told you she was attacked and you basically had no reaction"

And she just replies "no I feel really awful" THEN WHERE ARE THE TEARS BITCH, YOU SEEM MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW THIS SITUATION MAKES YOU LOOK THEN FINDING OUT YOU FAILED YOUR FUCKING FIRSTBORN

Not one single fucking tear while I'm HYSTERICAL. Not one. Im sobbing and she's just reading the article over and over and kind of just, maybe she was in shock? Maybe it was shock? But she kept talking about like some unrelated shit over and over and I just wanted to SCREAM "what about your fucking DAUGHTER"

I just. I just. That really disgusted me. Like I felt a really awful emotion last night, I wanted to shake her. And you know what's horrible. The biggest reason my sister hasn't been talking to us is because our mom makes her feel like a fucking loser so she never wants to tell us how she's doing because she doesn't want to be judged or hounded or get loads of mom's "advice"

So. Yeah. Uh. Before we spoke with my sister on the phone we had already arranged to rent a car and travel across state lines to go see her for a welfare check and now I'm just. I hate myself. I'm upset with my mom. My sister immediately jumped into a new relationship and this loser is letting her stay unemployed paying for her rent with her 401k savings, like. Fuck. I actually want to kidnap her to have her live with us for her own safety right now.

[casspurrjoybell-24]

Sugar Punch - Chapter 12

*Warning: Adult Content*  SUGAR🥊 🥊PUNCH

- Maddox -

I had somehow convinced Theo to stay but now that he was here, what the fuck was I supposed to do now?

I've hooked up with plenty of people, and in the morning, I didn't need to say anything for them to leave and if I had to get rid of them, I didn't feel anything about it, it was just spontaneous fun in the end.

I don't know if I could call what I did to his guy last night spontaneous because it didn't feel the same as the times I slept with other people, in fact I didn't know what to feel about it.

His ass was nice and I had fun, as much fun as a guy can have having sex with another guy but the big question was, what did Theo think we were?

He was a virgin until I introduced him to my dick, did he also now expect some type of relationship from me because of that?

I didn't want to hurt the guy, I liked having him around and he had potential as a fighter but I just wasn't the dating type of guy.

I fucked, plain and simple, I didn't want to be tied town, especially not by some eighteen-year-old, with his life ahead of him and mine at it's peak.

The moment I woke up and saw him in my bed, I did what I always did, hit the showers and then went to train in my home gym, nothing was different for me other than my hips were hurting just enough to be noticeable.

I did carry him around last night, like my own personal blown-up doll and I can only say that's the reason why he slept in so long, the poor guy didn't know what he just signed up for when he agreed to come home with me.

I had dropped him off around 3 and now I was getting ready for tonight, as my dumbass cousin, Adian, was fighting in a mixed martial arts exclusive club downtown and wanted me to be there for 'emotional support' whatever the fuck that meant.

The moment he called me I felt the air shift between me and Theo, he suddenly wanted to go home and although I did convince him to stay for three more hours, he was quiet the entire time as we watched TV together, even when I drove him home.

Honestly, at this point I should just stop whatever this was and remain his personal trainer, there was shit he was clearly dealing with and I had my own shit going on, getting into a complicated relationship with this kid wasn't going to do me any favours.

Despite that, I didn't want to let him go just yet, which put me in quite the predicament.

Did he regret sleeping with me?

I know I asked if he liked it but you can like something and then regret it, I never could read him well, especially when he was quiet.

Fuck, I knew nothing about him and it's not like I'm some mind reader but then again, it's my fault for not asking anything and just going with the flow, so either way, I'm a piece of shit.

Parking my car, turning it off and then getting out, I look over the side of the street and sigh out at the amount of people turning up for this fight tonight, wishing I just stayed home and went to bed early.

I knew what tonight was, having me at Adian's corner put him in a limelight and got him work, which I really didn't mind but now he was doing it almost every month which was starting to piss me off, just because we're family.

"Maddox," the bouncer, Ryan nodded to me as I tapped him on the shoulder, walking past him.

The moment I stepped inside the club I saw how this night was going to end.

There were half naked girls carrying around drinks and the air was filled with smoke as some shit banging music filled the air, I also noticed the further I walked through the crowd that I wasn't the only famous fighter here.

Jimmy Southpaw, he was slow on his kicks but before his opponents could go for his legs, it was too late because you were already knocked out from a simple punch, he looked rough with his buzzcut head and piercings but he was a decent family guy.

There was also Peter Moss, another great fighter who came from the gutter just like I did, rising to the top from all the way at the bottom, his kicks were strong and I definitely missed seeing him fight.

The poor fucker injured his leg slipping near a pool on holiday, ended his career right there, just like that.

"Yō, Mads," I hear someone call my name as I stood near the bar, turning around to see who it is.

I look down at my trainer and closest friend, wondering what the fuck he's doing here.

"Come on don't look at me like that," he chuckled out, standing next to me, ordering a drink for himself and one for me.

"I'm not drinking Jordan, cut that shit out," I tell him, looking around to see who else has showed up for tonight's fight.

"Then fix your face, you look like someone just stood on your balls," he said, as I rolled my eyes, choosing to ignore him before I whacked him.

"Have you seen Aiden?"

He hummed out, putting his drink to his lips as his eyes scanned the crowd.

"I saw him with two girls not long ago, so probably in the backroom getting all his nerves out before the fight starts."

Of-course he is.

"Give him a break, it's hard to live in your shadow, Mads."

"My shadow?" I scoff out. "If he tried to keep his act together, he could've made it professional, instead he's doing the same shit we did when we were 16."

Jordan sighs beside me but doesn't say anything more into it, already knowing I was right as Aiden never took anything serious, instead he used my name to get fights and pick up women and use me as his own personal get out of jail free card.

He came from the same shithole I did, so of-course I helped him out once I made my first million and won my first big fight but unlike me he choose his path and stayed the leech, he was a good fighter but he lacked ambition, he just liked to sit there and tell me 'it's hard'.

The more I stood here the more I just wanted to fucking leave, I was doing him a solid today and then I wasn't going to do this anymore.

I wonder what Theo was doing?

He wanted to go home so desperately, so he must be up to something.

"So, what's really got your ugly face stuck like that?" Jordan asks beside me. "It's not Aiden, so what's up?"

If only I could put what I felt into words right now, Jordan's head would spin but there was no way I could say anything here, with too many eyes and ears looking and listening in on us talking, next thing I know is my name with a pride flag under it spread everywhere on social media and on news websites.

I didn't need that.

I choose to ignore Jordan and focus on the ring as the lights started to dim and everyone started to make their way to the seats, positioned around the large ring inside of the club.

Just as I was going to make my way to Aiden's corner, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket as someone was calling me.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I was surprised to see that Theo was calling me, as the last time I saw him he barely spoke a few words to me, even the thirty-minute drive I did to take him home.

I looked at his name and sighed out before ignoring the call, not wanting to get into whatever he wanted to say right now, even if I he could hear me, there was no way I was going to hear him with the crowd this rowdy.

Whatever Theo had to say was going to have to wait until Monday, until then I wanted to try and enjoy the shit-show in front of me.

Fuck it, I might as well take that drink, without it I'm just getting more annoyed but not only from this morning but the fact I don't even know what I felt for him and I was too old to play this game he was playing with me, giving me silent treatment.

I grabbed the nearest unopened bottle of Champagne on the table in front of me and started chugging it like it was water, wanting to numb this feeling I felt in my chest as much as possible.

I felt my phone ring again in my pocket and choose to ignore it, I found my seat next to Aiden's team and said my 'hello's' and then I waited for the fighters to come out, taking another drink from the bottle, ready for forget the shitty day that I had. 

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

it's funny how i've always settled for guys who are less than i deserve. they've made me feel amazing things, but they were never on my level. never had the same spark inside that i have.

brandon is completely on my level. i honestly really see him as my equal. i don't think i've ever had that before, completely. he's got his own life and friends and goes on trips and plans things and does shit. he doesn't need anyone to push him to do things, he just does them.

idk guys, i know it's not been long, and we have 2.5 months until we see each other again, but i have a feeling this might be it. if me and B don't work out, i think i'll be done. but i really can't see a reason why we wouldn't work out so far, other than the distance. and again, it hasn't been long, but i don't think it's going to be that hard. we've already hypothesized 2 trips within the next 6 months to see each other, not counting ADE cause that's happening. we'll see each other in october, december (if i can get the time off which i'm kinda sure i will), and february. summertime we will absolutely figure something out, maybe in may after i'm done the tax season i can come there for a bit or we can meet somewhere. it's obviously not going to be easy, but how we are right now is working for me.

i literally just moved into this flat and am FINALLY living alone after 7 years and i love it so much. i don't want to live with someone yet. i'm not ready. i enjoy my space soooo much. and i've also only been single for 9 months, or i WAS single for 9 months lol. i've never jumped into another serious relationship so soon after one has ended. after ryan and i broke up i was single for 6 years. but i was in a bad place for most of those years, and even when i started being good i wasn't happy alone. now, finally, i am. and then you happened. but honestly, it was bound to happen. all that BS about getting into relationships fast when you're not looking/happy blah blah blah. i just think it was finally the right time for us. for me. well and truly for ME. i've literally never ever been this happen single, maybe never been this happy with my life completely as a whole. i know i would've fucked things up with us if we dated earlier than now. so here we are.

i think this is it. i can see myself with you forever. whatever challenges we'll face i'm ready. the first big and most important one is moving. whether it's me or you we gotta figure that out. but we're already talking about it, we'll figure it out. i really hope it's not me, lowkey, not right now. in the future, yes, i'm down. but for the next even 2 years i don't think i want to.. and tbh, i've thought about this a little bit recently just fantasizing, ykno, and i don't think i'd even care where or when you proposed to me, i would say yes. i always thought i'd want some really adorable proposal in a special place, outside somewhere, but thinking about you proposing, i almost don't care where it is because we'll be there together and the only thing that will matter is you and me. ok but also if you proposed in albania i would die.

i do have to say as well, i'm lowkey glad we don't live super close because if we did i would want to spend every waking moment with you and i'd just become absolutely obsessed. so, the space is good. it's good for my mind and heart and soul. cause i don't even want to be in a relationship like that again.

but i miss you. of course. every day.

#personal