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weasleywinchester · 2 years

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Save Yourself - Chapter 15

You Should be Safe with Someone Else

Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Yo fam! We back with another chapter, and we're quickly circling back to chapter one! Can't believe I'm almost done with this series! (don't worry, there's still about 10 chapter to go!) Anyways, this chapter is a bit of a tipping point, we're going to start speeding to heartbreak city pretty soon.

Warnings: Guns, Mr. Ketch, mentions of death

Series Summary:

“I promise.” Those two words would trap you in a life you never wanted. You are an artist, a hunter, a Winchester. And yet the pain in Dean’s eyes as demanded you live the life he wants you live, you couldn’t say no. You met the Winchesters by chance, found out they were real people. And you figured it was a once in a life time thing, but then Dean called you, and so did a new job. Both leading to the life you wanted, a family that didn’t begin or end in blood and a once in a life time love. And he said leave it and him behind, forget. But you can’t.

Chapter Summary:

You finally got your world turned right side up: you and Dean were in a better spot, the memory wipe trauma finally went away and you now did a little more hunting as you and the boys tried to get one step ahead of the Devil. But Lucifer likes to throw a wrench into any situation and this time there were two: he is now in the body of the U.S. president and he's having a baby. Luckily Sam's kept in touch with the Men of Letters and they had a few toys to give the devil the boot... except that didn't work out like they planned.

“THEY WHAT?” You roar from the kitchen. Mary winces at the sound of pans clashing to the floor. She already had this conversation with Castiel, and no way was she going to tell you what happened.

“They didn’t have much of a choice, we were surrounded.” Cas sighs, backing into the library, his hands up in defense. You come through a few moments later, knife in hand.

“He’s telling the truth.” Mary says, cautiously walking toward you.

Damn Winchesters, couldn’t space it out longer than a week. You grunt in frustration, stabbing the knife into the table and walking back to the kitchen. Cas shares a worried look with Mary, who simply shrugs and yanks the knife out of the table.

“Ok. How are we getting them back?” You ask over your shoulder as you wash your hands. After a few moments of absolute silence, you turn to the pair. “Cas, how are we getting them back?” There’s always a plan, it may be a Winchester plan, but a plan nonetheless.

His shoulders slump, he’s not sure where to start; he can’t track them because of the warding and he’s not sure where the government would take them. He finally looks at you, and you give him the same eyeroll Dean usually gives.

“Would Kelly know?” You sigh, leaning against the kitchen island. Cas winces at your question. Well, that’s not good. “Castiel, Where’s Kelly?”

“She, ugh, snuck out.” Cas admits, finding the floor much more interesting than you expression.

“Fuck me.” You breathe out, clamping your eyes shut while you rub your temples. It’d be one thing if she was Lucifer’s main target, but that baby…

“We’ll find them.” Mary reassures both of you. “But for now, we have big shoes to fill.” As much as Dean doesn’t want you hunting alone, there’s not a whole lot of people to keep the monsters at bay.

“You two take care of any local cases and get in contact with Garth, you’ll need his help managing the other hunters. Don’t mention anything about the boys not being around, no need to put everyone on edge.”

“What will you do?” Cas asks, lacing his fingers through yours.

“I have a deal to make.” You sigh, giving his hand a squeeze.

______

“Quite surprised to hear from you Ms. (Y/L/N).” Mick gives a stiff smile as he lets you into his office.

“Mrs. Winchester.” You correct him.

“Of course.” He nods for you to sit across from him.

“And if there were any other viable option I wouldn’t be here.” You give him a stiff smile.

“How kind of you to think of us.” Mr. Ketch remarks, managing to keep his eye roll to himself.

“Play nice Mr. Ketch.” Mick kindly warns before handing you a cup of tea. “What exactly can we do for you?”

You take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. Dean’s gunna kill me.

“I need to know when someone tries to kill the president, where does the government take them?” No point in beating around the bush.

Both stare at you, mouths wide open.

“If you don’t know…” you start to stand. Knew this was a mistake.

“Site 94.” Ketch blurts. You’re taken aback by the answer, you figured if Ketch knew anything he wouldn’t offer it to you. You glance at Mick, who is just as shocked. “That would be my assumption, as it’s one of those places that technically doesn’t exist.”

“Can you get me in?” You sit back in your chair.

“Who could you possibly need to talk to in there? I highly doubt you know anyone dangerous enough.” Ketch questions, leaning forward onto his knees.

“Sam and Dean.” You sigh.

Ketch’s frown turns into a look of disbelief.

“Why would they-”

“The President was possessed. That’s why they needed your help in the first place.” You offer. They share a glance and relax back into their chairs.

“Then you’re aware we lent them items as a gesture of good faith. And that faith hasn’t proven to be useful so far. So, what are you offering in exchange?” Mick asks, crossing his legs.

“She has nothing to offer.” Ketch scoffs.

“I’m a Winchester.” You gesture to yourself.

“And?”

“If you convince the Winchesters," you motion to yourself again, " to team up with you, the rest of the hunters will follow. You can flash your fancy toys all you want, and give as many gestures of good faith as Chuck himself but convincing Dean will take a lot more than that. You get me in… and I’ll help you with Dean. And the rest of the American Hunters.”

Ketch leans forward, prepared to argue but Mick holds a hand up to stop him. He considers how easily and quickly that would establish the men of letters in America.

“And you can guarantee they can be convinced?” Mick counters.

“If you get me to them before they do something the Winchester way.”

“Hardly seems like a fair trade. We’ll be doing a lot of string pulling and favor asking.” Ketch sneers.

“How many American hunters have joined the Men of Letters at this point in time?” You smile. Mick sighs, sharing a look with Ketch.

“Let’s get started then.” He sticks his hand out to you. You nod and take it.

________

Two months later

“Ms. Hudson,” Sanchez barks as he walks past your desk, “Follow me.”

You jump to your feet, quickly catching up to him. He hands you a tablet that has a diagram of the next room displayed.

“I need you to take notes as we walk.” He continues, tapping the first room on the diagram and displaying older notes. You quickly skim each one as you wait for him to open the door and, unfortunately, you can’t decipher any of the code words.

“Ms. Hudson, I expect your utmost discretion with any information you hear beyond this door.” He gives you a pointed look, to which you give him the same curt nod that has gotten you this far.

“This is where we part ways. If I take you any further all the advertising of your skills we’ve done for the last two months will be null.” Ketch turns to you, eyeing the military personnel that are patrolling the base; he hands you a slim briefcase and a standard issue handgun. “Men of Letters files about your new place of work, files on Mr. Sanchez and Mr. Camp. We’ve gathered that they will be dealing with the Winchesters. The gun is for obvious reasons and there are various types of bullets that will kill more than just humans. And remember, no questions, no friendly conversation and-”

“Don’t even think about the word Winchester.” You finish. Ketch nods, satisfied with your answer.

You quietly follow behind Sanchez as he stops at each door, telling you a jumble of code words. You try to peek inside at each cell, most of the time there’s a pair of eyes glaring through the peephole. You come to one of the last rooms and you’re surprised no one is staring back at you. You glance at Sanchez, who’s fists are balled tight and his jaw clenched.

And then you hear the sound of an electric razor. You can’t fight the smile that appears on your face. Sanchez rattles off three codewords and slams the peephole shut. He quickly walks you back to your desk, asking for his notes within the hour.

“How does someone as nice as you end up in this line of work?” The security guard, who’s name is Drew, asks.

“Who said I was nice?” You smile back.

“You look like a nice person is what I think he’s getting at. Although I have seen you take on a few intruders, it was very impressive.” Camp comments.

“Mmm. Maybe that’s what I want you to feel. Like a cute little tropical fish. Nice and harmless on the outside, but just a small drop of venom,” you hold your fingers up so they almost look like they’re touching, “and you’re dead within the hour.”

“You ever seen anything like the monsters we keep here?” Camp retorts. He and Sanchez have bought your act of stoic and deadly so far, but Camp has been trying to peel back the layers.

“I’ve seen every kind of monster there is Mr. Camp. Trust me when I say I’ve dealt with the Devil himself.” You smirk. Before he can respond, a group of security guards go running by.

“What happened?” You ask after them. They don’t answer and the three of you share a look. You can hear Sanchez bark through the door and Camp leaps to his feet and disappears down the hall. After about ten minutes you hear murmurs that two of the prisoners are dead.

Please don't let it-

“You two, let’s move!” Sanchez commands as everyone else gears up and runs out the door.

“What’s going on?” You demand, slipping on boots and a jacket.

“Winchesters-have escaped.” He slips, immediate regret plastered on his face. He shakes his head and turns to the rest of the crew. “All right! We got two runners with about a 45-minute head start. These are killers. So you get eyes, you pull the trigger. Let's move out.” he shouts, gesturing for you to come with him. “You know how to shoot one of these?” He hands you a gun and you nod. “Good.”

_______

“We think Sam and Dean were being held somewhere in the Rocky Mountain National Forest.” Mary states. She’s not super happy about working with the Men of Letters, but Cas thought of it as the only option they had left. She tried calling you, but whatever you were up to, you only answered twice a week at most.

“Site 94.” Ketch confirms, Mick nodding in agreement. Mary and Castiel raise their brows at his quick answer, which he finds a bit odd. You must have found it, and the two Winchesters, if you’re calling for a ride. “It's a government facility, off-books. Shadow ops. One of those places that officially doesn't exist.”

“Then how do you know about it?” Mary fires back.

“We gather information. It's our job. Although in this instance I’m surprised you don’t know this information already.” Mick explains, giving her a reassuring smile.

“They told us to meet them off State Route 34.” Cas adds.

“Well, that's a long stretch of road. Where, exactly?

“I'm not sure.” Cas sighs. Ketch and Mick share a look, silently communicating a plan.

“I'll have our techs to put a satellite over the area.” Ketch nods, immediately texting his people.

“You can do that?” Mary asks, that can’t be a thing.

“And so much more.” Mick winks as he goes back to his car.

“Do you have any idea what sort of trouble we're walking into?” Ketch asks Cas. Since their end of the bargain is done, you must have given all the information they need for a clean extraction.

“No.”

“Oh, good. I do like a surprise. I assume (Y/N) had no trouble getting them out?” Ketch inquires. You may have been a thorn in his side for two months but he was glad to see you could hold your own. You at least have the beginnings of a good Woman of Letters.

“(Y/N)?” Cas’s frown deepens.

“Wasn’t she the one who called?”

“No, Dean did.” Cas stands nose to nose with Ketch. “Why would (Y/N) be with Sam and Dean at site 94?”

“She asked for help, we gave it.” He states. Cas balls his fists, ready to put both of them through Ketch’s smug face. If you’re hurt…

“Cas.” Mary calls from the car. His shoulders relax a fraction and he gives one last pointed look before walking away from Ketch.

_______

You’ve managed to keep up with Sanchez and his men as they tracked the boys deep into the forest. Daylight quickly ran out, the darkness amplifying your nerves. The group found a cabin in the search with a lantern lit in the window, a perfect hideout for the night. As the group of soldiers descended upon a cabin you hung back in the tree line. Gunshots rang through the night, soldiers crying out in pain as whatever trap the boys laid took down each soldier.

In the dim glow of the lantern you see a large figure run out of the back of the cabin. You quickly moved toward it, trying to make as much noise as possible. He puts his gun up to your chest as you over dramatically dropped yours to the floor.

“On the ground.” He booms.

“Sammy, I’m not laying on the cold, wet dirt.” You loudly whisper back.

“(Y/N)?” He steps closer so he can see your face. He looks a bit thin, and sleep seems to have still eluded him.

“Where’s Dean?”

“Hey.” You hear Dean shout, followed by a yelp of pain. You walk towards it, seeing Sanchez on the ground.

“I told you. You're trapped.” Dean smirks.

“Hudson. Shoot him!” Sanchez shouts, as he sees you walk up.

“Oh, it would be my pleasure.”

Dean cocks his head to the side. There’s no way… He slowly turns around as you step forward to put the barrel of your gun to his chest.

“Camp! Shoot him!” Sanchez yells as he waits for Dean to overpower you. Sam quickly stops him, taking his gun and forcing him onto the ground next to Sanchez.

“Do it.” Dean taunts, pushing his chest flush against your gun.

“If I did, I wouldn’t get to do this.” You hand the gun to Sam and wrap your arms around Dean. His mouth quickly finds yours as he dips you into a kiss.

“What the fuck?” Sanchez asks, his world slowly tipping upside down. You’re the sweet little secretary, you’re smart and organized and definitely not capable of being in love with a psychopath.

You laugh against Dean’s lips before pulling away to look over at him.

“It pays to look harmless.” You wink.

_______

“Sam! Dean!” Mary yells as the boys come into view.

“(Y/N).” Cas immediately wraps you in a hug. You wrap your arms around him, feeling his powers heal the blisters on your feet and a few cuts you managed to get. He releases you, his hand caressing your cheek as he turns to “Dean.”

“Hey buddy.” Dean claps Cas on the back. “Did you know she was coming for us?” He whispers.

“No.”

Dean gives a low grumble, looking over at mom wrapping you in a hug.

“I’m sorry I didn’t watch her closely.” Cas whispers to him. Dean shakes his head, it’s not Cas’s fault. You’d be safer with… well, anyone besides the four of them.

"Ready good lookin?" You shout as Mary and Sam start walking toward the highway.

Dean walks over, lacing his fingers through yours and holding you in place until everyone else gets a few yards ahead.

"You put yourself on the line." He mumbles. The last thing he wants to do is pick a fight, but you can't keep stepping in the line of fire.

"It comes with the territory." You shoot back.

"Baby, you're not safe-"

"Dean. Can we just... can this wait until we get home?" you sigh, stopping just before the highway. He stares at you, his eyes memorizing how beautiful you are. He nods, hoping these final moments won't leave you with regret.

_______

"So wait, you're hunting?" Dean asks his mom. The car ride to his impending death feels familiar and very final this time; he does relax a bit knowing you can pick yourself up after it. And this time you'll have Sam and mom, and they'll convince you to move home, return to normal life and then you'll be safe.

"A little bit." Mary sheepishly admits. She looks at her son in the rearview, smiling at the fact you made your way into his lap. You're snuggled into his chest, your hand toying with his.

"Yeah, I knew you couldn't stay away." Sam smiles at her.

The radio clicks on, the channels blurring together until nothing but static can be heard. The car sputters, slowing to a stop.

"It's time." Sam whispers to Dean

"Time for what?" You ask, your heart dropping at Cas's expression.

"I love you sweetheart." Dean whispers into your hair, bringing your hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to it. The five of you pile out of the car and Dean sweeps you into a kiss. The way he as you cradled in his arms, the way his mouth is pressing against yours... it feels like a goodbye.

"What's happening?" Mary asks.

"Yeah, Dean." A sultry voice asks; the five of you turn to see her. "'Sup?" her smile widens like a cat who cornered the mouse.

"Billie?" Mary asks, taking a few steps toward her.

"The reaper?" Cas frowns as he turns towards Sam and Dean.

"I don't understand." You and Mary say in unison. Except, deep in your gut, you do. You wrap on arm around Dean, you body slowly becoming more numb as you realize how close you are to falling back into the darkness.

"Mom...that place..." Dean's begins, his voice trembling, "There's only one way we were getting out of there, and that wasn't breathing. So I made a call. "

"Dean talked with her, " Sam continues, "and then Billie came to see me. And we made a deal. We'd get to die and come back one more time, but in exchange..."

"Come midnight, a Winchester goes bye-bye. Like, permanently. And that is something I've been looking forward to for a long time." Billie grins.

"Why would you --" Mary tries to grasp at any understanding why her boys would sacrifice themselves when they have so much to live for.

"We were already dead." Dean cuts her off. "Being locked in that cell with nothing... I've been to Hell. This was worse." He gently unwraps himself for you but keeps your hand firmly in his.

"At least this way, one of us gets to keep fighting. " Sam adds, catching your gaze. You know Dean's first choice would be himself, but you can see Sam has decided it would be him.

"You don't have to do this." Cas growls.

"Yeah, they do. We made a pact. Bound in blood. You break that, there's consequences on a cosmic scale. So who's it gonna be?" Billie looks between Sam and Dean. You grip onto Dean a little harder and reach for Sam's hand, pulling him one step closer to you.

"Me." Mary blurts. The three of you protest, walking toward her but get blasted back by Billie. Her smile is stretched impossibly wide; the ultimate prize of a Winchester who was never supposed to walk this green earth a second time.

"You said come midnight, a Winchester dies? I'm a Winchester." Mary states, putting her gun up to her head.

"Works for me." Billie smirks, her eyes flicking to the three of you pinned on the ground.

Mary takes a shaky breath, picturing her beautiful family and the heroic lives they'll lead and uttering one final "I love you."

"Mary don't!" You scream as Billie yells out in pain. Mary snaps her eyes open, putting her gun down when she sees a silver blade sticking out of Billie's chest.

As she falls to her knees you see Cas standing behind her. You feel her power vanish, the three of you quickly standing up.

"Cass, what have you done?" Dean barks.

"What had to be done. You know this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die." He walks over to you and takes your hand. "I won't let any of you die."

The four of you stare in awe as Cas makes it a point to look at each one of you.

" And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me, to everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You're welcome." He stomps back to the car, sliding into his seat.

"Still think I'm safer with anyone else?" You grumble to Dean, dropping his hand and sliding in next to Cas.

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#dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester fic #save yourself #dean winchester smut #dean winchester x plus size reader #weasleywinchester #dean winchester x hunter reader

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hangingslothcentral · 3 years

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Spirit Box Radio is Crowdfunding for Season Two!!

Atmospheric and engaging, Spirit Box Radio is an audio drama which will lull you into a false sense of security before pulling the rug from under your feet. If you loved the creeping sense of unease of The Magnus Archives, the weird whimsy of Welcome to Night Vale and the LGBTQ+ representation of Hello from the Hallowoods, you'll love Spirit Box Radio.

Now launching it's second season, Spirit Box Radio has been shortlisted for a People's Choice Podcast award for Season One. The full cast and original creator are back, and determined to make Season Two even better.

Donate £20 (or equivalent in your currency)

Check out the crowdfunder page

More info under the cut, plus at the bottom a more detailed Image ID than the ALT description has space for!!

Spirit Box Radio is an indie horror audio drama which follows Sam Enfield, the unlikely host of Spirit Box Radio, a show for witches, arcanists, and the magically-inclined. Sam took over the show after the mysterious disappearance of his mother, the Illustrious Madame Marie, a renowned psychic. With no penchant for the Arcane Arts, Sam struggles to find his feet, and as he does, he discovers that Spirit Box Radio may be haunted by something much worse than ghosts: secrets.

Season One followed the mystery of Madame Marie's disappearance and uncovered Sam Enfield's true place in the conspiracy surrounding it. In Season Two, Sam, his sisters - sardonic Kitty and cynical Anna - and his snarky immortal boyfriend will try to unearth the mystery of the Man Who Walks Here and There (AKA The Man in the Flat Cap and Shell Suit, or The King of the Blood Rose Crown) whose many titles are found under almost every stone they turn. It's a story steeped in mystery, horror, trauma and grief, with plenty of softness on the side.

The show is made primarily by its creator, Pippin Eira Major, who wrote, directed and edited every episode in Season One.

Spirit Box Radio wouldn't be possible without the incredible cast of the show. Now 15 Voice Actors strong, the cast of Spirit Box Radio brings to life an array of characters, including; a shady but eloquent florist who cant be trusted; an Ominous Phone Guy; a trio of Inconvenient and malevolent entities; and numerous others.

Just like the characters in the show, our cast is mostly LGBTQ+ and many of us are young and trying to break into the industry. Here's who we are:

Pippin Eira Major (he/they) as Samael Apollo ‘Sam’ Enfield

Jessie Jeffrey (she/her) as Ekaterina Erzabet ‘Kitty the Investigator’ Enfield

Alex Peilober-Richardson (she/her) as Anastasia Morgana ‘Anna’ Enfield

Will Cummings (he/him) as Oliver ‘the Florist’ Boleyn

Billy Bray (he/they) as Scourge

Beca Barton (she/they) as Indi

Tais Grimberg (she/her) as Bliss

Kay Watson (he/she/they) as Ingra

Ellie Ripley (she/they) as ‘the Bog Witch’ Rhytidia Delphus and Stykler Snr.

Daisy Major (she/they) as Regular Caller Beth

Elinor Wood (they/them) as Additional Voice

Gary Major (he/him) as Additional Voice

Mars J Brown (she/them) as Stykler Jnr.

Rose Eke (she/her) as the Mystery Caller

Freya Meldrum (she/her) as Show-Caller Emily

If this crowdfunder is successful, we're also hoping to add five more fantastic VAs to our cast!

Being such a tiny studio, Hanging Sloths can't afford to compensate our cast for their amazing work and provided the amazing performaces you hear in Season One on a voluntary basis. They've all agreed to come back for Season Two on a Profit Share model, where they'll all get a percentage of the money made on this crowdfunder. Here's a handy graphic breaking that down:

Our main priority is to make sure the cast are making something for their hard work on the show. Up to our main goal amount, we'll be splitting the money like this:

- 50% towards the actors' profit share (which exludes me, Pippin)

- 25% towards guest writers and directors

- 25% towards other essential costs including hosting the show on Acast.

Our initial goal amount (£2500) has been worked out to make sure everyone (besides Pippin) who is providing acting, directing or writing for the show can be paid an industry standard amount.

If we don't make our full goal, whatever we DO make will be divided up according to the percentages you see above!

Anything made above that will go towards compensating Pippin for his work on the show, too.

A brief personal statement from Pippin on why the payment is being structured this way:

'As creator of the show, it's my main concern that everyone else who provides Voice Acting talent, writing, and directing is priotised for the amazing work they do. If we're able to raise enough that I can start to compensate myself, too, that would be amazing, but the main focus is on raising enough funds for everyone else.'

Please ensure you add your email to your pledge so we can contact you about your rewards!

Any amount - a huge thank you from the entire cast and crew of Spirit Box Radio Season Two! You're helping make indie audio drama happen.

£5.00 - your name in the credits of one of the first episodes of Spirit Box Radio Season Two

£10.00 - Name a Faithful Listener! Choose your name or any you can think of to be a writer or forum user in the show.

£20.00 - Advanced Edition of the Spirit Box Radio Season Two Official Soundtrack!

£40.00 - All the rewards above, PLUS a copy of the Spirit Box Season One Soundtrack

£50.00 - All the rewards above, PLUS annotated scripts for episode one (on day of episode release)

£100.00 - All the rewards, PLUS a personalised letter from Pippin, creator of the show.

£200.00 - All of the rewards, PLUS a private chat with Pippin (limited to 3) (no you don't have to chat with me directly if you don't wanna!)

£500.00 - All of the rewards, PLUS a producer credit on the show

£3000 - 'HOW NOT TO HOLD A SEANCE' BONUS MINI-SODE

This short, extra episode will be fully sound-scaped and completely finished, and will be set in the gap between Season One and Season Two.

£3500 - 'THE LIFE AND DEATHS OF OLIVER BOLEYN': A DIGITAL COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES

A digital collection of short stories penned by show creator Pippin Eira Major, telling tales from the as-yet mysterious past of the immortal florist, Oliver Boleyn. Amongst these tales will be stories from his time at the palace of Versailles, a chance meeting with a renowned poet which may or may not have led to the creation of a certain book about a particular cursed painting, and a perilous voyage at sea.

£4000 - 'RHYTIDIA HOSTS THE SHOW' BONUS MINI-SODE NO.2.

In this bonus Mini-Sode where Rhytidia Delphus (voiced by the spectacular Ripley) will host an episode of the Enlightenment Segment (or so she thinks).

£4500 - MUSICAL MINI-SODE

A short, bonus musical episode of Spirit Box Radio, with original songs written by Maybe Wednesday and performed by members of the cast of the show.

Donate £20 (or equivalent in your currency)

Check out the crowdfunder page

[IMAGE ID: a square image of the words 'Spirit box radio' glowing in blue, like a neon sign. it's on top of a glowing yellow pentagram, trapped inside a more brightly glowing yelllow circle. behind these, a red splatter of blood. Around the circle, glowing in pale purple, a variety of stars and sparkles around 'Season Two'. Under this image, glowing yellow, it reads 'Crowdfunding now'. The background is deep purple, broken by teal grey constellations and a pair of hands, cradling the neon words from behind. END IMAGE ID] [BANNER IMAGES: Puple backgrounds with pale consetellations and yellow neon caps-locked words as described in the Alt Text]

#spirit box radio #spirit box radio podcast #audio drama #crowdfunding #sbr #sbrp #lgbtqiia+#lgbtq creator #trans creator #nonbinary creator

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wolfs-hunt1 · 3 years

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Love in the form of four paws

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word count: 1551

Warnings: fluff, angst?, mentions of depression and some past traumas. sorry for any typo

A/N: Drunk drabbles for @the-ss-horniest-book-club After so long of not writing anything (uni is chaotic at the moment) here’s something that starts out sad but will hopefully warm up your heart.

--- --- --- --- ---

After everything that has happened, Bucky felt lonely despite being surrounded by his teammates. He was never the same after Hydra, and no amount of therapy was helping him feel like he fit in.

He could feel Steve was trying his best to bring his best friend back, but that Bucky was gone, killed during the war, all that was left was the shadow of the man he was. And that scared him more than he would like to admit it. He started skipping morning practices with Sam and Steve and before he knew it, he wasn't even showing up for sparing with Natash anymore.

Slowly he isolated more and more from the others and eventually even moved out of the compound, getting a small apartment in Brooklyn to try and reconnect to his long lost self. He started putting up a bit of weight, but admittedly, it made him feel like he was finally moving on, like he didn't have to be constantly fit and ready for a fight. He liked this new him.

But his apartment still felt too big and lonely. He wanted company, despite having run away from it, he wanted comfort only another soul could give him. So he made up his mind and search for a shelter around his area that he could go to. He found one only half an hour drive away, so without thinking more of it, he picked up his keys and made his way to the elevator descending the five floors to the underground parking lot and getting into his car.

The drive was mostly spent thinking about what type of dog he thought would be best for him. A bigger dog would be preferable because he was too scared that if he was too small he would step on him, and the less fur he had the better, because he wanted to be able to pet him, and whit his metal hand his fur could get stuck in it.

Once he parked outside of the animal shelter he had a pretty nice idea of what type of dog he wanted, and so he walked inside with confidence and waited at the front desk for someone to show up. The shelter had a pet store in the front, and the animals for adoption in the back, so it was easier to pick out all the items the dog would need after he found the perfect dog.

He could hear sound approaching from behind the door, and he saw a little girl leaving with a small dog followed by her mother and a girl with a grey shirt with the shelter logo embroidered on it. She looked at Bucky and smiled, telling him she would be right with him in a moment. He only nodded and waited patiently for her to return.

"Hi! My name is (Y/N), how can I help you today?" she says cheerily once she returns to the desk, shuffling around some papers and storing them inside a folder.

"I'm looking to get a dog, if it was a larger breed and with no fur, it would be…." Bucky gets interrupted by her light giggle, and suddenly feels himself relax his tense shoulders and smiling softly at her. He took her in, her bright eyes and soft-looking hair up in a messy bun, paired with her rosy cheeks and a bright smile.

"Everyone usually walks in with the same idea. They want a specific pet, but what they don't know is that that's not how it works. The animals here choose their owners. Not the other way around." She grabs some keys on her desk and walks closer to the door she had come from before. "Come along, I'll show you our beauties. And then we can select some for you to spend some time with to bond and see how they react around you."

Bucky nods and follows suit. "Sounds good." he says. The first room she unlocks leads to a big room filled with cages with cats of all breeds. They all started mewing and preening up at Bucky, wanting to catch his attention.

"The dog's pen is right ahead…" she stops talking when she sees Bucky looking at some of the smaller kittens, that are playing around with their brothers. There's a smaller cat with them, that was just to the side of the cage, not movie too much.

"What's wrong with the little guy?" he asks, getting closer to the cage and slowly raising his palm to the door.

"He was the only survivor of his litter, even him mom passed away, and so he wasn't alone we put him with the others kittens, he's having a hard time adjusting though, so he's always alone in that corner." She puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles up at him once more while looking at the small kitten. "I can take him out for you, if you want? To see how he reacts to being picked up."

Bucky's forlorn look vanishes and he looks at her expectantly while nodding, stepping away from the cage while she unlocks it so that Bucky could have access to all the small kittens. She stays silent for a while, just looking at the way he's being gentle with them all and pats his arm to catch his attention.

"You seem quite smitten with these kittens, and I might have someone that will be happy to see you and have some company for his final moments. Why don't you stay here while I go pick him up?" Bucky nods and turns his attention back to the small balls of fur currently climbing his henley shirt and nestling up to his arms and neck.

She returns with a bigger cat, fur white with small grey patches. Once they're both close enough Bucky can take a better look at the cat in her arms, and notice the missing leg and left ear.

"This is Pirate. He came to the shelter really beaten up, lost his ear and his leg, and because of that, no one wants him. This is his last week here, and I want him to be happy. He's a big cuddle bug and loves to be petted, but I can't give him attention all day, unfortunately." (Y/N) moves closer to Bucky and gently motions for him to pick up the white cat, which he does gladly, while the furry thing starts to lick up his palm and purring low on his belly.

"He's so calm and friendly, why wouldn't anyone take him home?" Bucky's frown fades once the white cat lays on his arms, and the kitten snuggles with them, their size contrast warming up Bucky's heart.

"Some people prefer the cute pups or kittens, and end up leaving the older animals here to be forgotten. But all they want is just to be loved, and a few treats." she says with a giggle.

Bucky is silent for a few moments looking at the two so different cats on his arms, but yet so equal. All they want is a loving home and a place to belong. Just like him. They were all looking for the same thing, and together they could have it.

"I never thought myself to be a cat guy, but they are quickly warming up to me." The small kitten started mewling and trying to climb higher, reaching up to Buckys stubbled cheek and scratching it's tinny head on him, all while he tried to stay still so as not to make the little one fall from his shoulder. "And I guess I'm also warming up to these guys."

"I'll make all the arrangements then!"

Half an hour later, with a lot of cat items in the trunk of his car and the two furry creatures nestled together in a carrier Bucky was ready to sign the adoption papers and get home with his new companions.

"This is all the papers you will need, along with the notes for the checkups and any medical need they might have, you can directly come to us and we'll help."

Bucky looks fondly back at his car, seeing the two cats curled up together, the two cats that I heartbeat took over his own heart and made him want to take them home without a second guess.

"I'm going to be honest, I'm gonna miss Pirate a lot. But I'm extremely grateful that he's going home with such a nice person. Thank you for saving him. Both of them."

"You know, you can still see him... we could go for a coffee one of these days?" Bucky's voice is low, almost as if he was too shy to even ask her out, but the slow smile spreading on her face let him know that she had heard it.

"I would like that a lot." she scribbles something on a post-it and hands it to him, her phone number. "Give me a call?" He nods enthusiastically and the rest of his ride home he can't help but smile at the decision he had made that morning of driving to the animal shelter. Not only he got two new adorable cats, he had also met someone that made him want to get back out and give love another chance.

#chubby Bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #drunk drabbles #hbc drunk drabbles #My writing #hbc clean up the archive challenge

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misshuney · 3 years

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Why Supernatural Shouldve Ended After Season 11

I just watched the rest of supernatural and just really need to vent. these are all just my opinions and analyzations and yours may differ!

I've been putting off watching supernatural for a while now because deep down I knew the current writers would not do the last seasons justice, and boy was I right.

Mind you, I'm not one of those fans with the "spn should've ended with season 5, every season after that is trash" mentality. I actually really loved seasons 6-11.

even watching season 11 I couldn't help but wonder...where are they going to go after this? they've stopped the apocalypse, defeated the leviathans, and patched up gods relationship with his sister.

the writers:oh I know! let's bring back Mary! (just to kill her off again later on) and introduce the positively boring British men of letters. I stopped watching that year because that season was just so boring with so many pointless subplots that i didn't start watching again till this year.

the writing really went downhill that year. I'm out of the loop with alot of the behind the scenes stuff since I don't live and breath spn, but did they change writers?

■■Bad writing

season twelve was where alot of the fun and comedic elements of the show were wiped clean, which just left a whole lot of angst, drama, and action. but it just get so...dull without the lightheartedness that the show used to posses. dont get me wrong I love the drama and the angst,but when it's just moments after moments and full episodes of that, with no breaks in between, or hopeful moments, it gets damn boring. (especially when we've seen the formula so many times before. big bad, Sam, Dean and Cass making stupid impulsive decisions) but without the lighthearted and sweet moments thrown into the mix, it really is just depressing.

but where I REALLY have a bone to pick with writers, is how they ruined our favorite ■■characters development.

☆Crowley King of Hell

do not even get me started on how they killed off crowley! mark was wronged and I'm glad he made it known publicly!

I hate the "crowley was around for too long" excuse.

you wanna know who really overstayed his welcome? lucifer. as much as I love his character , he used to be this scary powerful angel, who turned into a joke the more they brought him back. Amara should've killed him off after casifer happened. I'm not even gonna go further on that because I could go on and on.

why is it that the winchesters grow to trust and like Rowena but the writers never allow them to truly grow their relationship with crowley?

crowley was not just some villain, he and the winchesters had a complicated relationship, but he should've atleast gotten a better send off.

Excuses■■

first off, I don't want to hear, the characters evolved they couldn't stay the same. that's true, they've all grown throughout the season, but why the drastic changes that happened in the last 3 seasons? they really were stripped of their core personalities and left with some 2 dimensional characters at the end, they were no longer complex.

(CASTIEL)

-oh castiel..my sweet angel baby, what is you doing is all I could think. Cas has had many arks, throughout the series. his character is always evolving for better or worse. but you always got the sense that he is trying, and he'll always put up a fight to do whatever he thinks is right. untill season 12 and on. Cas went from this strong,awkward yet charming character.. to a boring weakling, there I said it. I don't know if Misha checked out the last few seasons or if he was just doing his best with what he was given..but castiel just comes off as so far removed and every action he takes feels so tedious. they zapped completely his dry sense of humor, and replaced it with grunts and constipated looks. I know that the angels have there wings clipped, but God, castiel can't even take on ur run of the mill monster anymore, when he used to go around smiting demons left and right even when he lost his memory. there's not even chemistry between him and Dean anymore.

- Sam was more or less the same, just twitchier, no comment on him. just less fire in him and far less complex then he used to be as a character who always internally struggling to weight right from wrong, selfishness and sacrifice etc. he's just there.

-i could take or leave jack. didn't hate him, didn't love him.

(DEAN) The thing that pissed me off the most is how dirty they did dean. his whole thing was always being lead by his heart and fighting tooth and nail to save those who needed saving, because he couldn't not care. also, I do believe the reason that dean never went crazy after all those years of trauma and violence, was his sense of humor. he could always find a light hearted moment or a joke within all the chaos that surrounded his life. they just decided to remove all that and we were left with a cold, and angry man that gives you the sense that he's doing all this because he's supposed to, not because he really cares or loves anymore. the way they wrote him, it really did seem like Sam, Cas and Jack were just a burden to him. they weren't even in the dream world where Michael locked dean away when he possesed him. There never seemed to be a true connection between him and Jack either, he didn't seem to care whether he died or if he had to kill him himself. You get the sense that he spared Jack's life because he knew it wasn't the right thing to do, not because he loved him. If Dean doesn't act out on love anymore, then what the hell is he doing?

why was the complexity of these characters erased?

final opinions/questions**

there was not enough character development in making chuck go from this benevolent being into a malevolent one. it was just the "logical" thing to do since the guys have fought every single thing in existence already, that they take on the last big powerful character. everything known about him in the past was also discarded. they made him so petty and annoying, I'm sure Chuck was upset that things weren't going the way he wanted, but I know he saw Sam and Dean's side of it as well, (like in the season 5 finale monologue) and they could've shown us that! but they just thew away every other ones of his traits away.

also, why did the writers love screwing with Kevin Tran so much??? he truly got the end of the stick and didn't deserve it.

in the end, our heroes really went out sad and didn't get what they deserved. not even going to comment on the ending.

the way I see it, there were two good endings that were thrown away. The best ending would've been Season 5 finale and a good ending could've been the Season 11 finale. anything else was undeserved.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #destiel #misha collins #jensen ackles #jared paladecki #mark sheppard #mark pellegrino #spn #spnwatch #spnfandom #spnfamily

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aquaticalay · 4 years

Text

Centurion .Chapter Three.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD.

Warning/s for the chapter: mentions of anxiety symptoms.

Word count: 1.4k (shorter than usual, I know)

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :))) I'll post a new chapter every two days.

THIS IS A SEQUEL. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER' THE LINK TO THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist

(Taglist will be reblogged)

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

Wanda was the one who had arranged your quinjet flight from Seattle to New York the night after your mission. You were just finished with knife throwing practice that afternoon, so you were still wearing navy-issued shirt and cargo pants with two knives strapped in the built-in sheaths on either side of your thighs. You could feel the covered blades digging into your skin, but you were used to it.

When you arrived, you noticed a Wakandan jet parked in the hangar next to you. The purple streaks and disc-like form was unmistakable. T'challa, or perhaps Shuri, maybe even Okoye, must be visiting.

Friday was the first to greet you good night and authorized your identity, letting you in.

When you got inside, no one was in the common room, and the hallways were deserted and empty. The only noise you could hear was the crackling of the warm fireplace.

That was weird.

It wasn't even 10 PM yet. Usually, Sam, Wanda, Bucky, and maybe even the rest of the team when they're around, would be just finishing up with dinner around now. There's not even any evidence of cooking or eating.

"Friday?" You called the AI, a hint of nervousness in your voice, "Where is everybody?"

"They are just finishing up with a meeting," Friday told you, "King T'challa, Colonel Rhodes, and Sergeant Barnes are on their way up."

"What meeting?" You asked, confused

"They are discussing about the council that the SEALs recommended."

Right. You did ask them to hurry up with their decision.

"Oh." It was all you could say. As you did not not know what to do, you stood there unmoving, your mind blanking into nothing involuntarily, unaware of your surroundings, and you can't seem to control it.

You suddenly snapped out of your unexplained daze when you felt a hand around your wrist.

Your heart suddenly plunged into deep panic, and you let you defensive instincts kick in. Grabbing a knife from its sheath, you yanked your hand away violently from the grip and turned back, pointing the tip to the person's neck.

It was… Bucky?

His icy eyes went wide, just as surprised as you were.

You stepped back and dropped your knife in horror, the metal clinging loudly on the hardwood floor.

Behind him, T'challa and Rhodey stopped in their tracks, freezing their motion as they try to wrap their head on what just happened.

You breathe heavily, trying to regulate the blood pumping through your veins. You closed your eyes to focus, to get some sense of relief.

"Commander (L/n), your heartbeat is getting dangerously fast," Friday warned you, scanning and analyzing your vitals.

But you couldn't bring yourself to move.

Before you knew it, Bucky was helping you steady yourself, hands gently hoisting your hips. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you manage to mutter, finally able to slow your breathing. Rhodey and T'challa came closer and you pushed Bucky's hand away to regain a sense of control to yourself.

"Are you sure?" Rhodey asked, his hand worriedly on your shoulder. You shake it off almost immediately.

"I—" you started, "I need some air."

You excused yourself out of the room, trying to ignore the confused stares of the three men glued to your back.

You find your way to the rooftop floor, isolating yourself from the rest of the avengers.

You sat on the edge of the roof, fidgeting with your fingers The only light that illuminated you were small lamps built into the ends of the building and the cloud-covered stars from above. You needed this silence, just to reflect on what you did.

Why did you do that?

You were never impulsive. Never.

What happened was the exact opposite of what you had trained to do your whole life. You can't let a slip up like this happen again.

You still couldn't see how you were able to let yourself point a knife to the throat of the man you love just because you disassociated and panicked. It was pathetic.

The door from downstairs creaked open.

"Hey," Bucky said quietly, careful not to startle you. Looking back, you responded with the same word, only weaker.

He shuffled towards you, sitting right next to you.

Before he could say a word, you sighed. "I'm sorry," you managed to say, "I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay," he reassured. Sensing your easing comfort, he let his human arm circle you waist, "you must be exhausted."

"Yeah," you lied. It wasn't exhaustion that took over your actions, and you knew that. It was something less controllable, but if this gives Bucky a satisfying explanation, you had to agree with the lie.

You knew something was wrong with your mind. You've known for a while now, ever since you woke up in cold sweat after your nightmares recalled your memories in the ship with Raphael King-Carver, of you nearly drowning a couple of months ago. You thought it would go away, but it didn't.

You wanted to tell Bucky that this was bothering you, but you don't want to drag him into your problems. You don't want to force your demons on him, he has his own. You want to get better on your own. You have to.

"Have you eaten?" He asked attentively, and you shook your head in reply. "I'm not hungry."

"That's not healthy, doll," he reminded you. You didn't think he'd notice that you'd lost some weight, but he did. He was worried. "I'll cook," he offered, then chuckled at himself, "Or at least I'll try to."

"I'm fine, James," you managed to pull off a smile, "I can get by."

You ended up sitting cross-legged in Bucky's room, listening to him explain what he found out about Project Mercy and Michail Petrov, with the help of Friday's hologram.

"Then what are we waiting for?" You urged, "Let's go get him!"

Bucky sighed, emptying his lungs. "Technically… we can't."

"What?" Your words sneer in disbelief.

Bucky looked up. "Friday, we don't need you anymore. Can we have some privacy, please?" He asked, and Friday agreed. The holograms suddenly disappeared, and the AI's voice went silent.

"What's going on, Bucky?" You raised your eyebrows cautiously.

"We had a meeting. We did not agree to the terms of the council," Bucky said, leaning on his desk. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "The council states that we have to be willing to share all our information and intelligence with them. We can't— most of us disagreed, not until the terms are changed."

You look down, disappointed. In what, you weren't quite sure. It's not anyone's fault, not really. You could understand why they decided what they did.

"I tried, I really did," he said, "I was outvoted."

"It's not your fault," you said heavily, "I can negotiate with the Special Forces on the Avenger's terms. We can revise the deal."

"How much time will that take?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

You shrugged, "Not fast enough. Three or four months, at least."

You wanted to know about Project Mercy and the two living experiments. Hearing that there might be Hydra-born human beings out there made you want to hunt them down, and cleanse the world of Hydra once and for all. You were not going to take the chance of them doing anymore damage to the world. Not after what you experience. Three or four months was too long a wait.

"I'll help you hunt Petrov," Bucky said suddenly, and your eyes snapped to meet his. "Before the revision?" You asked, eyes squinted,

He nodded, stepping closer to the bed. He sat down in front of you.

"I— I can't ask you to do that. Do you have any idea what the government will do to us if they find out?"

"Then we'll make sure they don't find out," he insisted, "Not the government, not even the other Avengers."

"Bucky…" you trailed off, barely above a whisper. You can only imagine what scars the events of the sokovia accords left on him. You can't ask him to endure something similar all over again.

"I want to," he told you, locking his hypnotic blue orbs on your eyes, letting you know that he means it, "Petrov and I— we had unfinished business."

The last prompt was cold, and you finally understood him.

That this was his fight as much as it was yours.

#bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagines #bucky imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan imagines #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan

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wonderlandmind4 · 6 years

Text

Delicate Stages Chp 50

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. Blood. Aftermath. Hospitals. Trauma. Some fluff, some angst. I’m sorry.

Words: 8k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9

A scorching hot sensation pulls Bucky back from the darkness of his mind. His eyes snap open. An excruciating amount of pain ignites his left side, so horrible, he dazedly wonders if it's truly happening. He grits his teeth, slowly turning his head to peer at his left arm.

A flash of bright crimson against pure white snow stabs through his mind as he stares at nothing. His entire arm is gone; just a broken, shredded stump of what remains. The frays glow orange and red, radiating through every nerve, down to his bones. He wants to rip it off, wants to claw away the rest of his shoulder but he can't. It's stuck, burning and attached to his body. His chest hurts. His stomach churns dangerously. A thought abruptly occurs to him.

Ana. Where is Ana?

Once Bucky swallows the bile rising up his throat, he slowly shifts from his back to his right side. He squints, a brilliant light stands next to him, in the form of Ana. Gold light. Bright. Powerful. Glowing. She’s glowing. Every inch of her skin emits golden bluish rays. It burns brighter in her hands, a solid beam of energy shooting from her palms.

Heated air surrounds them, sizzles and crackles, snapping vigorously. Bucky blinks away his blurry vision, inhales slowly through his nose, exhales through his mouth. He tries to regain his senses, other than feeling agony radiating from his shoulder.

Through the bars of the railing from the platform, he spots the place where Erik Woods once stood, encased in the same light coming from Ana. Woods is now on the ground, motionless, appears lifeless. With an abrupt realization, Bucky knows what is happening. Ana is draining Erik's life force from his body; she doesn’t seem to realizes what she’s doing. Her body is stiff, her muscles rigid, her face set with in goal in mind. Her eyes glitter gold. There’s no end in sight.

The illuminating glow is fading away from the bottom of her ankles, slowly crawling up her legs. Bucky immediately guesses what the diminishing light entails, and he can’t - it can’t be- he can’t lose Ana. He can’t allow her to finish killing Woods- draining his life- and he can’t allow her to do it by accidentally killing herself. Bucky reaches out, his arm shaking violently from his own trauma.

The closest part of her he can touch is her calf, his fingers gently grazing over her jeans. He can’t hold his arm up anymore, though it was enough to cease all power, the light cut off. Ana sways for a split second before she crumples to the ground like a puppet cut from strings.

Terror seizes Bucky’s heart. Ana’s skin is stark white, her eyes closed. She isn’t moving. Doesn’t even looks like she’s breathing. Two thick streams of blood escape from her nose, running down her face, the side of her cheek. No. No, no no no, this can’t be happening. She can’t be-

With one more ounce of strength, ignoring every single inch of him on fire, Bucky lifts his hand. His fingers caress her pale lips, trembling against her split lip. Ana cracks her eyes open, just two narrow slits, staring nearly lifeless at him.

"Stay with me.” He pleads desperately as his voice breaks.

Her eyes fall shut.

No. No! This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. The brightest thing in his dark world, the love of his life, can not be taken away from him. His hand is slowly being covered in her blood as he continues to trace her face, trying to wipe away the blood. Her skin is ice cold. He moves his fingers to her neck, dark bruises in the shape of fingers mar her delicate skin. Bucky doesn't feel a pulse. He doesn’t hear her heartbeat.

He doesn't realize he is screaming until something heavy grips his shoulder.

"Barnes! Bucky! Let me take her! I have to take her!"

Suddenly Ana is being lifted into red metallic arms before it takes off. Bucky follows the jets with his watery eyes, finally putting it together. Iron Man is flying Ana up to the jet. It's enough motivation to push himself up, just as someone else lands next to him. He doesn't pay any attention to them, just attempts to stand on unsteady feet, ignoring the waves of nausea crashing over him. It's not from physical pain.

"Shit, man. Let's get you up there."

The familiar voice makes Bucky finally look at the person. Sam holds his arm out, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Bucky relents gratefully, tightly grabs onto Sam's forearm. Then they're shooting up into the air, it only taking several seconds to reach the jet. Once inside, Bucky stumbles to where Agent Hill points at. He ignores every warning, every person trying to hold him back as he makes his way to the medical table where Ana lays.

Two medical personal surround her, quickly working to help. Bucky barely makes it to Ana's side, his fingers brushing over her cold knuckles, before his world goes black once more.

***

Silence stretches on for days.

The days are long, the nights longer. Tension fills the muted air, heavy, cold. Hovers over the floor, between spaces, attaches to the ceiling, lingers in windows like droplets of despair. On the final day of absolute silence, it begins to break. The wind weaves between the trees of the forest; it isn't the only sound that shatters the quiet. The dry leaves on the ground rustle. The second hand in a clock ticks. The nervous tapping spells out a rhythm. The soft thud of a rubber sole against tile. The soft beeps of a machine echo hauntingly through a room. The shuffle of movement in the distance. A hiss of fabric. A faint inhale. A low exhale.

Something begins to feel heavy, weighed down. Something begins to itch; sticky, crawling sensations. Something akin to ice begins to settle. Something like the rush of waves begin to gain clarity. Something begins to feel soft, repeated slow movements. Something flutters against a surface.

Lashes stick together. Eyes slowly open. Bright light nearly burns the retinas. A reflexive wince. A dry lump is swallowed. Stiff fingers twitch against cotton. Dull aches throb from different places. A deep inhale causes bones to protest. Pain erupts from a lower source, muscles spasm trying to accommodate injury. A tongue appears to wet dry lips.

Ana fully opens her eyes. She stares at lights that are too bright on the ceiling. Her eyes shift around what she can see of her surroundings. It isn't much, she doesn't think she can move her body yet. Everything hurts. Everything aches. A deep exhaustion is laced within her bone marrow and Ana thinks maybe she could just close her eyes and sleep forever. She doesn't, because she's utterly confused.

The last thing she can remember, when she racks through her muddled brain, is a being shielded by something. Something that protected her from a direct hit of...what? A direct hit of what? Who stopped whatever it was? Who protected her by putting their own life in harms way? Was it their own life they risked, or did Ana make that up in her mind? She can't recall.

She allows her eyes to flutter shut again, attempting to recall what had happened. She remembers light. Bright, bluish gold light. She sees a flash of sliver, gleaming as it thrust in front of her. She sees a chaotic whirl of colors. She sees the black of the ground her face was pressed to. She sees someone stagger as they try to right themselves. She sees what the flash of silver was, suddenly gone, seared with glowing embers. She sees agony on a stunned face. She sees Bucky fall to the ground.

Bucky. It was all Bucky.

A sharp gasp of air coincides with her eyes opening. She forces herself to look to her right, the space is empty. She slowly turns her head to the left. There, with his head pillowed on his arm, is Bucky. There's a slight furrow to his brow, as if he is deciphering whether he heard her gasp or not. He picks his head up a little, eyelids blinking slowly like he just woke up. It takes a moment, but clarity brightens his blue eyes.

"Oh my god." He breathes, relief sagging his body. "Ana."

He has dark bags under his eyes. His skin looks pale, clammy. His red lips are raw and bitten, trembling just slightly. His hair is messy, strands sticking out oddly. It's as if he kept pulling at the roots from stress. He looks every bit of beautiful as Ana always thought he did.

"Hi…Snowflake." Ana murmurs, voice raspy, her lips twitching with a smile.

Bucky chuckles wetly through his nose. "Hi, doll face."

He dips down to press a gentle kiss to her left shoulder. She hadn't noticed her arm is in a sling. When she looks back up from the sling, Bucky has his face pressed into the bed. Ana wants to move her hands, but her left is currently confined and when she picks up her right hand, something tugs at her skin. She doesn't have to look to know it's an IV needle. She ignores it, because Bucky is shaking. She startles with realization; his arm is missing.

"I'm so happy you're awake." He mutters into the bed. His voice is raw yet thick with tears.

Screw it. Ana moves her hand across her body to gently run her fingers through his hair. When he peaks up at her, his eyes are wet and bloodshot, several tears escaping. Ana’s heart clenches.

"Bucky."

He shakes his head, taking hold of her hand, minding the IV. "I honestly thought...I couldn't bring myself to believe...you're awake." He presses his trembling lips against her knuckles.

"I'm alright." She promises gently. "I'm right here."

"I almost lost you." He whispers, his voice cracking on the last word. His fingers tremble in her hand.

Ana gently squeezes his hand before she moves hers up to wipe away another tear that's falling down his scruffy cheek. "What about you? Your arm-"

"Don't worry about me, Ana." Bucky picks his head up, a small disbelieving smile on his lips. "How are you feeling?"

She inhales slowly. "Sore. Exhausted." Her throat is so dry and itchy.

"Are you in a lot of pain, love? The nurse was just in here, but I can call her again."

The concern etched on his face makes Ana want to lie to him. Or at least half lie. She's in a whole bunch of pain now that she's fully aware. She's still trying to ignore the sharp stinging pain in her knee, doesn't even want to move her leg because she's afraid she might scream. It hurts to breath, a dull pounding isolated to a spot on her stomach. Her left shoulder aches, and she knows enough that she had been shot; twice.

"It's tolerable." She evades.

Bucky stares at her for a beat, then he leans over to hit the call button. Ana fixates on the little black sleeve cap covering the stump of his left shoulder. If she asks about it, she knows he'll lie just as well. However, Ana saw it. She saw the excruciating pain Bucky was in before he passed out.

"What happened, Bucky?" Ana asks instead. She's still a little fuzzy on the details.

Bucky shifts his chair closer, leans over to softly kiss her temple. "What do you remember?"

"You jumped in front of me. You idiot." She sighs fondly.

"I will be an idiot everyday if it meant protecting you."

"And sappy." Her heart swells as she says it.

"Because I love you." He leans over again, this time pressing his lips tenderly against hers. It makes her heart flutter and for a moment she forgets any pain. "So much, Ana."

An onslaught of emotions abruptly crashes over her. Ana doesn't know if it's the drugs or the look in Bucky's incredible blue eyes, but she begins to cry. It starts off with one tear after the other, slipping from the corners of her eyes, sliding down her temples. Bucky frowns, eyebrows knitting together with concern. He lifts his fingers, keeping his touch delicate as he brushes her bruised skin. He wipes away the tears with his thumb, and the tender, loving touch rips a sob from her throat.

"Annie," He breathes, his tone absolutely heart wrenching.

It breaks her. Ana sobs. Every inch of her body hurts. Her stomach and shoulder throb from bullet wounds, one of which she can't even remember. It feels like hot needles are stabbing into her knee, something wrapped tight around it. Her lip and cheek ache, her neck feels tender.

Her throat is parched, either from lack of liquid or the hand crushing against her windpipe twice. She has no idea how long she has been lying in this bed, but she does realize how close she was to losing her own life. To losing Bucky.

Bucky makes soothing, hushing sounds, pressing his forehead against her temple. She attempts to calm her breathing because every heaving sob shakes her body, and pulls at the hole in her stomach. Her mind is jumbled with fragmented imagines, ones she can't piece together quiet yet, but the last thing she clearly remembers is Bucky. Just inches of his metal arm remained, glowing bright orange and red, the smell of singed metal filling her nose. It was terrifying, watching him drop to the floor and not moving, not getting up.

She may have just scolded him for protecting her, but in reality, he saved her life, and it cost him his arm, and nearly his own life. Bucky has been protecting her from the moment he came into her life. Ana couldn't even protect him from Hydra, she couldn’t protect him against the trigger words. They almost dragged him back, all because they were after her.

"Ana, baby. It's okay. You're okay." Bucky coos softly, still wiping at her tears. "You're with me, you're safe now. I swear it.”

She shakes her head. "I-I'm so s-sorry."

"Hey now, pretty, none of that. None of this was your fault. Shhh, it's okay, sweetheart."

The door opens during that moment, a nurse calmly entering the room. Ana tries to regain control over herself, her cries reaching a level of hyperventilation.

"Breathe, Annie, breathe. I've got you, you're safe." Bucky coaches, his voice incredibly soft. “I have you, my love. You’re safe with me. Just breathe.”

Following his soothing voice, his instructions, Ana starts to copy his own breathing patterns. She begins noting the details of his face, like she hasn't already memorized every little inch. From the little freckle on his forehead, to his dark stormy blue eyes, streaked with red lines. His lips are a dark pink, slightly cracked from being chewed on. His beard has grown a tad thicker, though the warmth of his skin is lacking, worn; he looks every bit of his true age. His brown hair falls by the corners of his eyes, hiding the spot where the crinkles appear when he smiles. He's not smiling now. Ana wishes to sear Bucky’s face into her memory forever.

Something begins to trickle into her veins, and she briefly thinks it's Erik Woods injecting her once more. In a surge of panic, she looks over at the nurse, just finishing up twisting the IV caps back on. The monitor next to her picks up speed in time with her racing heart, the beeping growing frantic. The nurse smiles gently at her, lightly tapping the plastic bag.

"It's just morphine." She kindly informs. Her eyes then shift to Bucky. "I just upped her dose, it should work a little faster this round."

Ana turns to Bucky, who is already gazing at her.

"You're in a lot of pain, baby?" He questions, probably already knows the answer.

She's too tired to lie, so she dips her head a fraction. She wants to stay awake though, doesn't want to miss another second sleeping. She mumbles this much to Bucky, his thumb never ceasing swiping over her cheek.

"I'll be right here when you wake up, Ana. I promise." He whispers, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

Her eyes flutter, the drug beginning to take over her system. Ana swallows, attempting to lift her hand but it’s too heavy. She's still so confused. She doesn't know what happened after Bucky protected her, she doesn't know how she got to this strange hospital. She doesn't know if anyone else is alright, or if someone has captured Woods.

All she knows is that Bucky is next to her, seemingly healthy and uninjured despite his missing arm. He's sitting right next to her, touching her, whispering sweet words of love, smiling and kissing her softly. The last thing Ana sees before her heavy lids close, is Bucky's blue eyes, shinning with relief.

***

The next time Ana wakes up, she hears Bucky's low drawl, rough and crackling like he hasn't touched water in days. He's speaking to someone, so Ana opens her eyes, turning her head towards his voice. Her heart swells, tears blur her vision and she's just so frustrated because she's been in a hospital before, healing from life threatening cuts. She's been in pain before, but for some reason, this time feels different.

"Pep." Ana exhales.

Pepper whirls around, immediately pulling up a chair to sit next to the bed. "Oh, Buggy!”

God, Pepper sounds like she hasn't stopped crying. Her eyes are swollen, just like Bucky's were, and her usual kept hair, is frizzy, out of place from her low ponytail. She gently grabs her right hand, squeezing her fingers.

"I'll give you two sometime." Bucky offers, grabbing his jacket and swinging it over his shoulder to cover his left side.

"No, stay." Ana pleads, attempting to sit up. At least, she thinks she tries. Pepper places her hand on her uninjured shoulder.

"Hey, hey, sweetheart," Bucky gently reprimands. He moves closer to place a kiss on her hair. "I'll be right back, promise. Don't move too much, you'll tear your stitches. I'm just going to find some coffee that doesn't taste like shit."

His comment makes her chuckle, but the movement of her stomach hurts. Pain stabs through her body, so Ana just opts to smile. She nods as he trails his fingers down her jaw. He kisses her head once more, then exits the room, softly closing the door behind him.

"You know," Pepper starts, her voice soft and fond. "That man is completely gone for you."

"It's mutual." Ana says, wincing as she shifts. Something is cool on the back of her hand and when she looks, a shiny diamond gleams back at her. "Pepper...is that a ring?"

She smiles shyly, then shakes her head. "I'll tell you about that later. How are you feeling? I mean, I know you aren't feeling good at all, and what happened sucks. I was worried sick, I-"

Her cousin cuts herself off, but Ana wouldn't mind her rambling on. She just wants to hear her comforting voice. The voice of one of the few family members she has left, and one of the only members she's close to. Pepper is crying, and Ana quickly figures there's going to be a lot of tears shed, if they haven't been already.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes to Pepper. "I don't know how this happened. I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, honey, don't blame yourself." Pepper begins rubbing soothing strokes up and down her arm.

"Tell me please, Pep. When did he ask you?"

"A week and a half ago."

"A week and-" Ana shakes her head, ridding the rest of the fogginess from the drugs away. She must've heard wrong. "What?"

Pepper's eyes shift to the screen displaying her vitals, then back to Ana. "You've been here for ten days, Ana."

Ana breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to process that information. Ten days. She's been lying unconscious in a hospital for ten days. "What happened?"

"I tried calling you the moment after Tony asked. You didn't answer. I called three times, that's when Tony got an alert from FRIDAY, said you and Bucky were taken."

Before Pepper can continue, there's a soft knock on the door as it opens. Tony's face pops through the small gap, checking before he comes in. He's wearing a Black Sabbath shirt that is wrinkled in certain spots, and worn out jeans. Judging by their appearances, no one looks like they've slept well, if at all.

"If you could refrain from that ever happening again, I'd appreciate it." Tony quips, pulling another chair around to sit in.

"I'll try to schedule my next kidnapping around your convince." She banters back, smiling and ignoring the ache in her lip. "Want to fill in the rest for me?"

Tony gently pats her forearm, then he gives her a rundown of what happened. He informs her after she activated FRIDAY, the AI sent a signal to the bracelet that embedded the mini tracker into her wrist. FRIDAY then sent a distress call out to Tony and the rest of the team. Steve had arrived first, finding Max Cullbury and Jared Sharp. Apparently, Agent Sharp figured out something was wrong when Max wasn't in the Lab. Both men were the first to get there trying to stop it. All according to Agent Cullbury. Agent Sharp was shot, and remains in critical condition.

Ana doesn't know how to process that last part, conflicted is one word that comes to mind. Her brother's ex boyfriend, who has hated her and blamed her for years, tried coming to -not only hers but Bucky's- rescue and was shot in the process. She has to sit up at this point, so Pepper carefully presses the button that raises the top half of the bed. With the help of Tony, Ana slowly and carefully adjusts herself, minding the gunshot wound in her stomach, and keeping her right leg as steady as she can.

Tony continues to recap the events several days ago. Nick Fury had called for every single person working within the facility to be interrogated and screened once again. They apprehended anyone who seem even remotely suspicious, which ended up being eleven other people. Wanda had offered her services in retaliation of her anger and fear for her friends, she had no qualms about tapping into Hydra agents minds. Security protocol has changed as well, and Tony lets a tiny bit of his own guilt slip in there.

"Tony." Ana stops him before he can continue. Her own guilt and Bucky's is enough to fill the Atlantic ocean, she doesn't need anyone else feeling the same way. "Your defense bracelet is what saved us in the end. If it weren't for that, for the tracker, we might still be there."

Tony clears his throat as Pepper lays a comforting hand on his arm. "Right. Good on it then."

He doesn't fool Ana. She notices the bags under his eyes, spots the tick he does with his mouth when he has been incredibly worried about someone. He doesn't make eye contact with her for the next 30 seconds, focusing on picking a thread from the blanket laid over her.

"Sorry about your knee, by the way. I should've-"

"Seriously, Stark. Stop it. You wouldn’t have guessed that would happen ."

Finally, Tony meets her gaze. "Erik Woods is in critical condition."

Ana swallows thickly, her knee throbbing, abruptly aware of every single bullet hole, cut and bruise on her body. She grips the blanket, bundling the fabric in her fists. .

"He's in a high security facility being watch around the clock with armed guards. He is no longer a threat." Then, Tony smirks. "Rogers and Wilson had to stop Barnes from tracking him down and ripping out his throat. Or, I'm sorry, that's my phrase. I believe his was “rip every single bone from his body for hurting my girl”. I almost allowed him to do it."

Ana's heart skips a beat at my girl, and she has to bite her lip to keep from reacting. Until she winces at the still healing cut on her lip. Both Pepper and Tony roll their eyes are her reaction, but deep down, she can't figure out if she's glad Bucky was stopped, or if she's disappointed. It raises her next question.

"Why is Woods in critical condition?" She inquires knowingly.

Tony takes a few moments to answer, placing his hand over Pepper's. "Because you are incredibly powerful. And for same reason you were." He informs gravely. "After Barnes went down, you drained Woods' energy. He shot you in retaliation, but it didn't stop you, Ana. You kept going, until Bucky somehow stopped you. It drained your own in return. I thought-"

He clears his throat, shifting in his seat. "I flew you to the jet. You weren't breathing by the time I got up there. It was only for a few moments. Luckily the team of medics we brought with us were able to get you breathing...started your heart again."

"You were in the ICU for nine days, Ana. In a coma for three of those." Pepper whispers, a single tear falling from her left eye.

Ana just blinks at them. She didn’t know her heart had stopped beating. "Fuck."

They both nod. Tony reaches out and hooks his index finger over Ana's pinkie. "Thought you were gone there for a moment, kid."

She doesn't even react to his nickname. She can barely react at all. It's so much to take in. She nearly killed Erik Woods by draining his life energy and in return...almost killed herself? Jared and Max came to their rescue and couldn't stop it and now Jared in the one fighting for his life. Bucky's arm was blasted off because he protected Ana, jumped in front of her risking his own damn life for hers. She nearly died protecting Bucky. She did die; if only for a minute or two. Pepper pulls her out of her reeling thoughts.

"Bucky was going insane," She tells her. "I lied to the staff, said that he's your fiancé and gave him my family pass. He hasn't left your side until now."

Ana is indescribably speechless. From remembering Bucky being triggered, to watching him sacrifice himself, to her waking up in the hospital. She's suddenly so, so tired, her eyelids growing heavy. She will swear it's the drugs and her own exhaustion, and not the fact that all information may has led her to passing out. She doesn't fight it off, just lets it come and take over her body, being pulled into unconsciousness yet again.

When Ana wakes up the third time, she's surrounded by people, but her eyes frantically seek out Bucky. He's there, standing back and in the far corner. A light chatter is fills the room, voices reserved until Ana shifts, alerting everyone that she's awake. She lifts her hand, accidentally ripping someone else's grip from hers, and reaches towards Bucky.

He grins softly, because he has probably been watching her the entire time, and pushes himself off the wall. The person holding her hand before, Wanda, she finally acknowledges, scoots back to make room for him to sit on the bed. When he does, Ana places her hand on his jaw and Bucky turns his head to kiss her palm. It makes her heart flutter.

"You look exhausted." She tells him softly, stroking her thumb over his scruffy cheek.

"I'm fine, baby." He reassures her, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Do you need anything? Water? The nurse? Are you hungry? You must be hungry. I smuggled in a jar of Nutella. I would've brought pizza but I'm not sure-"

"Bucky, darling." Ana coos, tugging his face closer. "I love you." She presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

"I love you." He breathes against her mouth.

When they break apart, she finds Bucky's right hand, interlocking their fingers together, then surveys the room. Steve is sitting next to her bed, smiling down at his hands. Natasha is stands behind him, arms crossed and a slight look of concern on her face. Clint is next to her, resting his arm on her shoulder. He smirks and nods, then goes back to chatting with Sam, who looks even more concerned before giving his attention back to Clint.

Wanda appears as if she hasn't slept for days, and she might even give Bucky a run for his record. She's holding a paper cup of something that doesn't smell like coffee, she lifts it with a shaky hand. Ana is abruptly overwhelmed with everyone surrounding her, and she is grateful for the friends she has. Extremely grateful for the man holding her hand, lifting her knuckles to his lips.

***

They keep Ana in the hospital for another two days, double checking her wounds and vitals. The doctor just wants to make sure she feels comfortable enough to go home, and gives her instructions on what to do if she feels off in anyway. Her stitches are clean, no sign of infection, and her arm only had to stay in the sling for another three days. He does tell her that she can't lift, or workout or do anything strenuous for eight weeks, and to keep to the strict diet until her abdomen heals.

They also discuss the option of another knee surgery. Since the doctors had to perform one to remove the Stark rods, and that alone will leave Ana in a wheelchair until her shoulder is healed enough to use crutches. She has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming in anger. She's just so fucking mad this happened, and on several occasions, wishes death upon Woods.

When Ana finally goes home, she snuggles up to Bucky the best she can, in the less painful way she can. She sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps, until Bucky has to wake her up a few times. The first time is so she can take her medications. The second is so she can eat, even if she isn't that hungry. The third is to make sure she's doing okay.

"Bucky, babe, please let me sleep, for the love of everything holy." She grumbles petulant, pressing her face into his neck.

"Just making sure you're real, Annie." He whispers, voice breaking.

Ana opens her eyes. She understands it, she does. Because sometimes she'll wake up on her own, has to make sure Bucky is breathing, alive and next to her. She often thinks about how both of their worst nightmares had come true, or nearly came true. To make sure they're both real and in front of each other, they press their palms over each other’s hearts.

Bucky will tap his thumb twice against her collarbone, then he'll press his face into the joint of her jaw. He'll inhale, says she smells a little like the hospital still and can't wait for her to smell like flowers in the rain again. He'll drag his nose behind her ear and tells her-

"Can't wait for you to smell like me, too."

Then he'll press the lightest kiss against her pulse racing in her neck. He'll trail his hand down her body, dipping over her curves, tracing his fingers over tattoos and the scars on her back, then her wrist. Finally, he says-

"Doll face."

Ana will grab a strand of his long hair and tug, harshly so she can see his fake expression of pain. It's one her ways of knowing he's just as real. She'll trace his strong jawline, feeling the texture of his soft facial hair beneath her fingertips. She traces over his pouty red lips, down his neck, also kissing his pulse point, and places her hand over the stump of metal. Then she'll kiss the middle of his chest, feeling his heart pickup.

"Winter Flurry."

He rarely leaves her side, though she has no problem with that. Even when the others filter in and out of her room, Bucky stays by her side, unless he goes to get them food or drinks or to the bathroom. Ana finds out just how worried and scared everyone was when she begins to sense their energies again. It isn't bad, just something she can feel, like a faint breeze along her skin. It's when they leave at the end of the night, that Bucky confesses something.

"You know," He begins, the pads of his fingers gently scratching her scalp. "I honestly thought I lost you, that he took you from me. I was so fucking terrified, Ana. I didn't know what to do with myself."

"I thought I lost you too." She admits, gripping his shirt. "When he shot your arm off, I was so scared. Bucky, I thought...I thought he hit your chest, because you just..." She doesn't finish.

They remain silent, just holding onto each other, hurt, broken and bruised, but alive and together.

***

The soft moments only last a week. Something has been weighing on Bucky's mind, she can tell.

After six days, Ana feels like she can use her arm again, so she pretends to kick the wheelchair away as she sits on the bed of the medical ward. Janice is checking her vitals, after she cried in relief. Tony is there, currently fitting a highly advanced orthotic piece to her leg. The specially designed knee brace begin at her mid thigh, straps over and under her knee, and ends around her calf.

"You're sure you don't want another surgery?" He questions, making last second adjustments to the lateral and medial stabilizers.

"I'm sure. Knee surgery in intensive, and I've had enough fill of pain for one month, thank you." Ana lifts her eyes from Tony's working hands. She spots Bucky with his jacket on, talking with Sharon and Steve, both of whom are holding hands. "Is there anything you can do for his arm?"

"I offered." Tony answers her, leaning back. "He refused every offer.”

She gets it, she understands. Bucky doesn't want anything to do with a robotic arm. He doesn't have to say it, but Ana understands.

Bucky voices his thoughts after that.

"Bucky. No. Please, don't do this." Physical pain isn't enough. Bucky has to go and voice his idea of what he wants to do. It's breaking Ana's heart.

"I'm so sorry, love." Bucky coos sorrowfully, "but I can't risk Hydra finding you. I can't allow something like that to ever happen to you again, and if they get wind of what Erik Woods was trying to do...they'll use us against each other and I can’t. I can't risk that, Ana."

"But you came out of it." She sniffs miserably, tears falling from her eyes. Deep down, Ana knows he's right.

Bucky wipes her tears away, but his own betray him. "I'm guessing they have another chair. If there's even the slightest possibility it can be used, and I'm still triggered, they will send me after you. When Woods tried, it was barely on before you stopped it, but I was still confused. You called out to me before he finished the phrase, Annie, and it helped. Everything that you have done helped me find my way back to you. Unfortunately it didn't stop me from attacking, from trying to follow those commands."

"You protected me, you broke out of it and you shot him. Not me."

"It's too risky."

Ana scoots away from him to the furthest corner of her bed, accidently disturbing Ezra. He just blinks in annoyance, then moves closer to Bucky, because that fickle cat would take his side on this.

"Are you angry?" Bucky asks her, his tone suddenly controlled.

"Yes. No." She sighs, falling backwards. Which tends to be a mistake and jars her gun wounds. "Ow."

Bucky leans over her face, his expression torn.

"I want to be mad, I really would love to just yell and get angry-"

"The doctor told you no strenuous activities, that includes throwing things at me. As much as I love it."

Ana tugs his hair. "You know that meant no sex as well, right?"

"Would you really have sex with me right now, as angry as you are, even though you're trying you hardest to hide it?"

She narrows her eyes at him because he knows her so well. "Where are you thinking of going?"

He smiles dejectedly. "You know I won't be able to tell you, darling."

They continue to bicker about it for another day, until Steve backs up his best friend. He makes Ana see and understand the logic behind it. Tells her it's all for her safety and Bucky's mental stability because he nearly tore Erik Woods apart. She very nearly voices that she wouldn't have minded that, and Ana herself had fleeting dark thoughts of killing Hydra agents as well. She ends up finally relenting with Bucky's plan. It doesn't mean she's happy about it.

"Steve." Ana speaks airily. "You see that bowl of plums over there?"

"Goddamnit." Bucky mutters.

"Yes." Steve smirks, already getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen.

"Please throw at least five of them at him, would you. It's an important part of my healing process."

To his credit, Bucky doesn't even block the fruit as it pelts him all in the chest. He just sighs exasperatingly, grabs one of the plums and bites into it. Then he offers the fruit to Ana.

“I love you but that doesn’t mean I’m not pissed as hell,” She reminds him.

Bucky’s answer is wrapping his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Ana still melts into to him.

***

“You’re absolutely sure about this?”

“I told you, I just don't think I can trust my own mind yet. It almost worked. I could’ve hurt her. I could’ve killed her.”

Ana scoffs, rolling her eyes. She probably isn’t meant to hear either of them as she leans against Sam's car, but she does, and she’s fed up, angry, and upset. She tried to keep her anger over the plan at bay, but she can't because it's real and it's happening right now. She is extremely upset, because she's still in a little pain, and her knee throbs in the brace, and her heart is about to shatter. She pushes herself off the car and limps right over to Steve and Bucky.

“But you didn’t!” She reminds Bucky fiercely. “In fact, Woods almost killed me himself.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” Bucky counters, reaching for her hand. "What if I shot you instead?"

Ana pulls it back quickly. “This is fucking bullshit!"

“I’ll give you two some time.” Steve flinches, then hurries away towards the small car.

“Annie-“

“No. No. Don’t. I-“

Bucky cups her jaw, bring her forward and kisses her. He keeps his lips firm, moving against hers and Ana feels her anger melt away, along with her spine. She kisses him back, tangling her fingers in his hair, and resting her other hand on the metal base of the stump. She pulls back to press her forehead against his.

“I’m so sorry I failed you.” She murmurs, tears burning her eyes. That's her confession, the true reason she's upset. “I failed you.”

“Hey,” Bucky leans back, trying to make eye contact, she doesn’t look. “Ana, you didn’t- look at me, darling. You did not fail me. Not at all."

She shakes her head, a single tear betraying her and falling down her cheek. “It didn’t work. Deprogramming, it didn't-”

“Yes, yes it did. Everything you have done, worked. I was only able to save you because you helped me take control of my mind. I was only able to fight through it because of you.”

“Not completely, isn't that the problem here? That’s where-“

“You did not fail me. Please, please don’t blame yourself for this. I'm doing this for security. I have to take every precaution."

Ana pulls him back down by his neck, kissing him twice. “How long?” She whimpers against his mouth.

“I’m not sure,” Bucky frowns when he pulls back. “Until I can find a way to fix everything inside my head. I was still somewhat triggered. I can’t take any more chances with hurting you, and any enemy of ours will know we’re each other’s weaknesses and strength. I can’t risk someone else using that against you again.”

He kisses her forehead. “Promise me something, Ana. Don’t wait for me.”

“No.” Ana refuses firmly. “I will wait for you and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no one else I want. Idiot.”

He chuckles despite himself. “I had to try.”

She scoffs, tugging his hair. Ana rests her head on his chest, fighting back the urge to sob. Bucky hugs her tightly with his arm, and even though he only has one at the moment, it’s the strongest hug she’s ever had. There’s a short honk to their side, signaling they have to get going soon. Bucky lifts his arm, but Ana doesn’t see what he does; more than likely he flicked them off. She pulls back when he gazes at her. She brushes his hair back, tracing her fingers along his jaw. She taps her index finger on his lips.

“Come back to me.” She quietly requests.

His eyes soften, crinkling at the corners with a private grin. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I’ll make you a deal.” Ana bargains.

“Over the Nutella?”

She pokes his dimpled chin. “You come back to me, and I promise I won’t blame myself.”

“That sounds like a good deal.”

Bucky leans down to kiss her again, deep and slow, keeping his hand firmly against her cheek. Ana allows him to kiss her like that, as if it’s just the two of them, even though Steve and Sam are probably witnessing this. Her heart pounds painfully in her chest and when she places her hand against Bucky’s, his heart beat matches.

“I love you,” He murmurs against her lips, brushing their noses together. “Very much. Don’t ever forget that.”

“You don’t forget how much I love you either.” Ana whispers. “And I do. Love you.”

“I have to go now.” Bucky tells her, frowning with wet eyes. A tear escapes his left eye.

Ana wipes it away. “I know.”

She meets him halfway for their last kiss, this one filled with love, a little bit of pain, but with a sense of hope. His energy wraps around her one last time, a rueful comfort and goodbye all at once. His tongue slides against hers and Ana is going to miss the way his tongue curls in her mouth and makes her knees weak. They kiss like that for several moments before it slows down, turning into short, but sweet pecks. Bucky kisses her once, twice and on the third kiss, he pulls away, nearly taking Ana with him.

She watches as Bucky heads toward the waiting car and opens the door. He looks back at her and smirks, though it’s not up to par of his usual one. He leans into the car then back out, suddenly tossing something to her. It flips through the air before Ana catches it with both hands. It’s a small jar of Nutella, causing her to laugh, ending with her lips trembling.

Bucky waves his hand, giving her one last smile, then gets into the car. The door closes, and just like that, Steve is pulling away, driving Bucky right out of her life. Ana follows, taking one, two, three, four, steps and breaking into a slight jog, ignoring the pain in her knee, stopping once the car is far enough away and out of sight. She tries to swallow the sob caught in her throat, pulling herself together as she walks back towards Sam in the other car.

He doesn’t say anything once she gets seated and buckled. Ana stares down at the small jar of hazelnut chocolate spread, tears filling her eyes. It’s going to be a long, painful road of waiting, and she doesn’t remember how she was living before Bucky came into her life. A few tears escape, landing on her hands.

“I’m turning the music up on this road trip, I hope you don’t mind.” Sam informs, and the music growing louder by the second.

Ana smiles because she knows exactly what he’s doing. She nods and looks out the window as he starts driving, a sob finally escaping her mouth. She cries hard for a few minutes, just watching the scenery go by with blurred vision. Sam reaches out once, offering a comforting squeeze to her arm. Finally, after several songs play, Ana wipes her tears away for now. Then, she decides to change the music.

“We’re listening to something else.” She tells Sam, then switches out the CD from Earth, Wind, and Fire to Queen.

“Did you just-“ Sam begins indignantly, glancing over at her.

“Pay attention, Wilson. You’re driving.” Ana only knows he allows her to change the music because her focus is on him now, instead of the broken heart in her chest.

She knows this is what Bucky wanted, she understands all the logic behind it. The capture and events had plagued Bucky's mind every night and even though she slept next to him, he couldn't seem to do the same; Ana felt it eating away at him. She knows Bucky wants to heal completely and fully, and he refuses to take anymore of Ana's own energy, despite how powerful she had proven herself to be.

Ana understands. All she wants is the absolute best for Bucky, and if finding an alternative option is the way to erase the triggers completely, then so be it. She will wait from him to come back to her, however long it takes.

***

"Stevie, please. I need this." Bucky is now begging. It took nearly two hours but he finally broke.

"Fine." Steve gives in, gripping the steering wheel so hard it dents a little. "But only because of what he did to the both of you. I was fucking terrified and pissed as hell Buck, I hope you know that."

"I know, pal. I know." Bucky says solemnly. "Then you understand."

"I do."

Steve pulls up to a heavily secured building. They both get out, getting checked and scanned, and handed IDs. It's really only because of Steve that they're even allowed to enter the building. Two guards lead the way, down hallways, into elevators, and finally to the floor and room they want. Steve nods at the guards and they leave, then he sets his hard gaze on Bucky.

"You got two minutes before they come back and I come get you." He tells him.

Bucky nods curtly, then he presses the key card he was given earlier to the lock pad on the door. He pushes it open, quickly closing it behind him. The sight of Erik Woods lying on a bed, hooked up to wires and a machine will never be satisfying enough.

Bucky walks over to the bed, the sound of soft beeping and echoes of the oxygen machine fill the small room. Bucky leans over, anger boiling in his blood, staring at the man that nearly killed Ana. Recognition flickers in his green eyes.

"You took her." Bucky snarls lowly, unadulterated hate coloring his tone. "You touched her. You broke her. You made her bleed. You almost took my girl from me. For that, I am going to make you suffer."

His eyes flick towards the machines, and he sees a little switch for the life support pump. Revenge is nearly there, sitting deliciously sweet on his tongue. He reaches over, hooking his finger over the little lever. He looks back down at Erik Woods, fear gleam in his eyes.

"This is me, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier, turning off your oxygen."

He flicks the switch down. The machine begins to beep, gets louder and faster. Erik's chest stops rising and falling. Then Bucky waits another two seconds before speaking.

"Are you in pain? Does it hurt horribly? Good." He hisses menacingly. "I want you to feel every inch of it. I want you to suffer. I want you to struggle, to feel the air leaving your lungs, feel it burning as your face turns red. That's what you did to her. That's what you put her through. This is what you deserve for Hydra harming her family. This is what you deserve for touching her.”

It would be so easy for Bucky to just walk away and let him be. To let Woods leave this world in agony, gasping for his last few breaths of air. Bucky grits his teeth, swallowing every vengeful thought.

"This is Ana." Bucky continues quietly. "Turning it back on." He switches the support back on.

He leans over again, making sure he can see him. Erik's eyes are responsive.

"Killing you is too easy. What's worse, is having you watch all your hard work come undone. You failed, Woods. That's worse than your death. Ana is alive. I'm alive. You failed, and you get to live knowing that fact for the next few weeks of your life. Because you will die in your failure.”

Then, Bucky leaves. He walks right out and away from the room. The man lying in pain, lying broken in the bed, no longer matters. What does matter, is finding a way to fix everything inside him, to rid the brainwashing wired in him. As much as it shatters his heart to do so, as much as it hurts him, he's doing it all for Ana. He will find some way to fix this.

Bucky will come back to his girl.

*******************************************************Previous Epilogue

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x ofc #Bucky Barnes #delicate stages #my fic #fanfiction

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