#and she is the little girl luring me under a box propped up by a stick with a trail of snackies

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

tWO fics from you in as many weeks!? Is it Christmas??? ‘cause it feels like Christmas 💖

ladfjdalksfjskl honestly it's entirely thanks to @extasiswings who found me a shopping cart, tied it to the back of the clown car, gently set me inside and has kept me steadily fed with snacks ever since. I'm so glad that you like my writing so much, I'm grinning like a loon.

#mads answers things #I am but a simple leetle creeture #and she is the little girl luring me under a box propped up by a stick with a trail of snackies

[hermannsthumb]

So I know you don't really write PRU things but how about PRU averting? Like when Newt starts to realize something is wrong he goes to Hermann for help?

this isn’t exactly what you wanted (at all) but the concept for this fic has been making me laugh all week. sometimes a bitch just wants to write a slightly unhinged jealous ex hermann unknowingly seducing aliens out of newt

safe for work except for some makeouts and implied past banging, but hermann tries very hard for it to not be. also ive definitely written similar plots before but who cares

—————

They send a ranger-in-training to break the news to Hermann. He’s not sure what they expected him to do, really, or how a teenager in oversized khakis might have prevented it in the first place. Rage? Cry? Break things? His relationship with Newton Geiszler has been highly publicized at this point, he supposes, down to every last gory detail; their scientific rivalry, their heated laboratory debates, their–er–rather dramatic love affair, which ended on a deeply sour note when Newton packed his bags and left Hermann for better funding and a swanky flat with more windows than walls seven years ago. As far as gossip is concerned, that is.

“Tomorrow?” Hermann says.

The ranger nods and says nothing. She’s awfully young–too young, Hermann thinks. And awfully afraid of him. Right, of course: he’s crotchety, daft old Dr. Gottlieb, notorious for his short temper and avoidance of socialization at all costs. He furrows his brow an appropriate amount and nods, as if to appear deeply consternated, or perhaps lost in brooding abstraction. “I see,” he says. “Hm. That wretched Dr. Geiszler, here, after so many years. The nerve of him. Thank you.”

The girl doesn’t move.

“Ah,” Hermann says. “Dismissed, I mean.”

Between the bare bones staff and Hermann’s incredibly low rank back in Hong Kong, he still hasn’t quite gotten used to the notion that he has things like interns and underlings again, let alone people who–when sent to deliver him a message, or paperwork, or lab equipment he submitted forms for–need to be explicitly dismissed to leave his presence. Newton would love it. Or, at the very least, he’d love teasing Hermann for it. (Control freak, that was what he’d call Hermann.) 

Back in the safety and solitude of his private laboratory, Hermann brews a fresh pot of tea and mulls the news over. It’ll hardly be the first time Newton’s set foot at the Moyulan Shatterdome. It’ll hardly be the first time Hermann will have seen Newton since the Events of seven years ago, either. It will, however, be the first occasion on which the two collide: Newton always seems to schedule his routine Moyulan visits when Hermann is tucked safely away in some conference or council in some other bloody country, leaving their paths to cross at the most inane social events, banquets and fundraisers and black tie occasions that leave Hermann stifling under his collar and his leg aching from the strain of standing for so long. 

Their words to each other in such situations have always been terse, brief, polite. Newton, after all, is a very important (and very rich) man these days, and he has plenty of elbows to bump and high society buggers to flatter without Hermann getting in his way. It’s pleasantries, is all. Lovely to see you, Dr. Geiszler. How’s work, Dr. Geiszler? The champagne is excellent, isn’t it, Dr. Geiszler? By Jove, it’s maddening. Just once Hermann would like to shout and snap at him like the good old days, to grab hold of that stupid bloody tie and shove him against a wall and kiss him, or bite him, or do anything that isn’t smile and pretend to care when he mentions that–that Alice floozy he’s shacking up with. And now, with Newton finally giving Hermann a window to meet in his own territory…

Hermann keeps a small volume of Newton’s early research on his desk–compiled long before he even knew the man–and he takes it out now, slipping a well-worn polaroid out from between its pages and propping it against his tea mug. Newton smiles out at him. “Horrible little man,” Hermann says, lovingly, and gently brushes his index finger against that handsome face.

He feigns a stomach bug to clock out of work early–fooling no one, of course, but his staff chalks it up sympathetically to the prospect of seeing his notorious ex tomorrow and says nothing–and makes a mad dash into town for a haircut and manicure. After some consideration, he pops into a clothing store for a new button-down, too. A nice one. One that fits him well. (You have a hot bod, dude, Newton would always say, you should be flaunting it. 

No, no raging, or crying, or breaking things. It’s been seven years since Newton walked out on Hermann for a cushy job and designer suits, and Hermann has exactly one course of action in mind: winning him back.

——

Newton is not exactly as Hermann remembered. The changes in him are noticeable, and–for the most part, barring the loss of his glasses and personal sense of style–Hermann feels entirely neutral about them: hair more neatly tamed, stubble more neatly shaved, body ever-so-slightly more toned. Hermann seems to recall Newton saying something about CrossFit or some sort of damned exercise bike he bought at the last banquet they attended–lost ten pounds this past month! New Year’s Resolution, you know, ha, gotta stay in shape for Alice (and this was the point at which Hermann clenched his champagne flute so tightly it burst, and he excused himself to find a napkin with which to tend to his bleeding and a tall glass of whiskey from the open bar with which to tend to his agonies). Whatever it is, it seems to be working.

He manages to lure Newton out from under the thumb of his boss with vague claims of research, though Newton is not happy about it. “I got shit to do, man,” he complains. His eyes are inscrutable behind his expensive sunglasses. “It’s just not a good time. Busy, busy, busy, you know.”

They’ll have the laboratory to themselves, even more so than usual. I’ll need to have a few private words with Dr. Geiszler, Hermann had ominously announced to his staff that morning, and they’d all looked at each other in excitement. An infamous Geiszler-Gottlieb row! Hermann locks the door behind them.

“You poor dear,” Hermann says. “Running yourself ragged. You must be exhausted.”

Newton shrugs. “I am a little. I guess.” He shrugs again, and this time preens a little with it. Good: Hermann wants him nice and flattered. “It’s hard work being as important as I am, you know.”

“I imagine,” Hermann coos sympathetically. He brushes his hand across Newton’s shoulders, then nudges him at the small of his back towards his desk. “Please, Newt, I insist you have a seat. Would you like some coffee?”

“I mean, if you’re offering,” Newton says, waving him off.

The instant coffee is located on the middle shelf of Hermann’s bookcase, between a dusty variety box of Twinings and an elaborate kaiju action figure Newton left in their apartment when he walked out. Hermann spoons some into a chipped blue mug and watches Newton through the man’s reflection on the kettle. He leans back in Hermann’s desk chair; he rolls his shoulders; he pops open a button on his maroon suit coat; he spies something propped up on Hermann’s desk, and picks it up. The polaroid. Hermann ducks his head to hide his smile.

“Good times, huh, dude?” Newton says. He waves it in the air.

“Mm,” Hermann says. 

He hands the mug of coffee over to Newton, who’s yet to put down the polaroid. Milk and plenty of sugar. Exactly the way Newton always used to take it. “There we are, dear,” he says. “Are you hungry? Might I get you anything to eat? I’ve plenty of biscuits, and, er...” He casts a guilty glance around the mess of his workspace. “...Oranges.”

“No thanks,” Newton says, but it’s vague, unconvincing. His eyes are locked on the photograph. “Good times,” he repeats. 

“Nothing to eat at all?” Hermann says.

Newton shakes himself. “Nah,” he says, and pats his stomach. “On a diet. You know, for Alice.”

Ah, of course; Alice. The mystery woman Hermann despises the very existence of. For years after Newton first broke the news to Hermann he was seeing someone new, Hermann used to pour over magazine articles and gossip sites for even a glimpse of what she might look like (and for the chance to do something cathartic, like crop her angrily from a photograph with Newton or scribble over her face with a Sharpie). Probably horrendously ugly; possibly blonde; undoubtedly lacking taste, and humor, and any other sorts of qualities a mate worthy of Newton ought to possess. At the very least, Hermann knows she isn’t at all supportive of Newton in the way she should be. Every banquet and fundraiser, she’s too busy to come, every dinner invitation Hermann finally accepts so he may properly hate the woman, she must cancel at the very last minute due to some strange illness or another. 

Privately, Hermann thinks she feels threatened by him. As she should be. He and Newton have been in each other’s heads, after all, wrote letters in their youth, shared a laboratory for years, shared a bed for longer than that. It’s a simple fact one will ever know Newton like Hermann knows him.

“Of course,” Hermann says, with icy kindness. “For Alice. How is she these days? I was ever so put out when she caught–what was it–influenza, yes, that night we were meant to dine together. And the time before that, with pneumonia. And laryngitis before that. Terrific bloody coincidences, aren’t they.”

(Sorry, dude, Newton said over the phone, not sounding very sorry, but rather quite distracted. She was probably in the room, egging on his lies. She's sick. Can’t see you after all. Rain check?)

“Yeah,” Newton says. He’s started to shake his leg up and down, a nervous tic Hermann is all too aware of, seeing as he’s picked it up himself after their drift. Along with an annoying tendency to hoard sentimental rubbish. “Coincidences. If I’m being honest, Hermann–I’m not too keen on you two–well.” A strange look crosses his face, replaced in a blink of an eye with a toothy smile. “Old flame and the new flame, it’d be awkward for everyone, y’know?”

“Especially for her, I’d imagine,” Hermann says, and then he swings himself down into Newton’s lap.

Newton goes very still; the photograph slips from his fingers and flutters to the floor. “Hermann?” he squeaks.

Dropping his cane, Hermann nuzzles his face into the crook of Newton’s neck and breathes deeply; the Newton of his memories smells of burnt coffee and the sharp tang of preservation chemicals, but the Newton of now smells more of expensive cologne than anything else. Hermann can’t say he likes it much, but he presses a small kiss there anyway, marveling at the lack of the scratchy stubble he remembers so well. “What–what are you doing?” Newton says.

Another kiss. Hermann slips a hand up to caress Newton’s jaw, and Newton shivers. “I should think it’s obvious,” Hermann says. “Mm. Come on, now, love, I know I can’t be the only one of us who’s been aching for this.”

“It’s,” Newton stammers, “I,” and his sturdy fingers grip Hermann’s waist, though he makes no move to shove him away. In fact, he only draws him closer. Marvelous. “I’ve got–someone, dude,” he says, gazing at Hermann between heavy eyelids. “Alice. I have–”

Hermann kisses him, pouring into it every ounce of longing he’s felt for the last seven years, and Newton melts against him with a moan. “But does she make you feel the way I do?” Hermann murmurs. 

“Uh,” Newton says.

He swipes his tongue into Newton’s mouth, enjoying the sharp jolt that shoots through Newton when he brushes against his own tongue, and pulls back with a small bite at his bottom lip. Newton always liked when Hermann kissed him messily. “Do feel free to touch me,” he says.

Newton does: one hand leaves Hermann’s waist and inches up his side instead, pausing to shove one half of his lab coat off, then the other. The coat slips to the floor as well. Newton splays five fingers over Hermann’s right pectoral. “Nice shirt,” he says, sounding rather dazed. “Good color on you.”

“I’d hoped you like it,” Hermann says happily. “Remember what you always used to say, about flaunting it? I thought it was time I’d take your advice.”

“I do,” Newton says. “I do remember. Ha.” His face splits into a grin, one of the first truly Newton-esque ones Hermann’s seen on him in years, and Hermann feels a small flare of triumph. He catches the hand at his chest and draws it to his mouth, brushing a kiss over the knuckles. Newton’s tattoos, vibrant as ever, poke out from beneath one maroon sleeve.

Hermann remembers kissing those tattoos. He remembers tracing the shape of red-yellow waves with his fingertips, of pinching the eyes of the great kaiju splashed across his chest, of teasing Newton for his rather unadorned arse and how pale it was in comparison to the rest of him. You’re one to talk, buddy, Newton would say, and he’d deliver a playful smack to Hermann’s, all skin and bones, dude, I think I bruised my hand. He used to like to keep his glasses on in bed so he could see Hermann. Make sure it’s actually happening, he’d say. His sunglasses are folded uselessly on Hermann’s desk. “I could make you so loud,” Hermann says. “We’d get noise complaints. Remember?”

Newton nods, eyes fixed on the knuckles Hermann kissed.

“I knew exactly where to touch you,” Hermann says, dropping his voice, “and how to touch you. I still do, Newton.” Newton dissolves into whimpers when his neck is kissed, a certain spot by his left thigh pressed on with a thumb; when being made love to, he likes his sides stroked, fingers pressed against his tongue; when doing the love making, he likes his hair pulled, nails raked across his back.

“Please,” Newton says, his voice cracking. “Can you–?”

Hermann shoves that ugly maroon jacket to the floor, then winds that ugly tie around his fingers and gives Newton a sharp tug. Newton moans, twice as loud as before. “Yes, darling, of course.”

They kiss, Hermann making quick work of the buttons of Newton’s shirt, Newton seemingly too shy to do anything beyond grip Hermann’s shoulders. A pink blush is spreading from the tips of his cheeks down to his neck. It’s very sweet. “Hermann,” he says.

“Mm?”

Newton wets his lips. “You like when I do this,” he says, and gives Hermann’s ear a little tug.

(They’re so big, Newton would say, it’s adorable, you’re adorable, and Hermann would swat him away, but then Newton would kiss the shell of his ear, bite his earlobe, and Hermann would gasp, and sensitive! Newton would say, adorable, absolutely adorable.)

“They’re sensitive,” Newton says. “You like when I kiss them.” He grins again, though it slips away after a moment. “I think they’ll be looking for me soon.”

“You are so terribly important, after all,” Hermann says. “It’s a very good thing I’ve locked the door. I haven’t finished having my wicked way with you yet.”

This time, Newton laughs, though it’s an uncertain little thing. “Listen,” he says, strangely urgent, and he squeezes Hermann’s arm. “Don’t let me leave, okay?” Then he shakes his head. “Actually, no. Take me home with you. Away from–from work. And Alice. Yeah. Let’s go now.”

This is unexpected, though Hermann cannot deny it’s not exactly what he hoped would happen when his foolproof plan of seduction worked. He’s suddenly very pleased he made a few more stops after picking up his new shirt: first for a very expensive bottle of wine and the makings of a dinner the Newton of ten years ago loved, the next a rather discreet one for the sort of supplies they’d need to, er, take this one step further. “Oh, yes,” Hermann says. “Oh, darling, absolutely. Er–now now?”

“Now,” Newton says. He plants a series of discoordinated, rapid-fire kisses across Hermann’s mouth and chin. “Now,” he repeats. “Keep talking to me.”

“About what?” Hermann says, frowning.

“Anything,” Newton says. “And touch me. Keep touching me. Hermann–when we get there, I have to tell you–”

“Alright, Newton, alright,” Hermann says. He did forget how needy Newton could get. He’s also missed it. He strokes back some of Newton’s neat hair, gropes around for his cane, and eases himself to his feet with a small groan. (He’s not quite as young or agile as he used to be.) Newton immediately springs to his own feet and latches onto Hermann’s arm. He's not merely needy tonight--a bit on edge, too, it seems. “Off we are, then. Be a dear and get my coat for me.”

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

[hippychick006]

15.12 - Galaxy Brain

Episode Review/Recap

This is not pretty. Not the worst episode ever, but definitely somewhere in the bottom 10. It mainly suffers from having the focus on “fan favourites” I stopped caring about seasons ago, and contempt for Sam and Dean and their fans coming through loud and clear in the writing.

Everything under a cut because some people can’t handle the truth!

Official episode summary to get us excited and want to watch live: Sam and Dean respond to a frantic call and together along with Castiel, Jack, and Jody Mills (guest star Kim Rhodes), assist in an extraordinary and heartbreaking rescue. Billie (guest star Lisa Berry) surprises everyone with a visit to the bunker.

My reaction:

“Heartbreaking rescue” 😂

Kaia is shown in the recap and since I know from the promo that Jody is also in this episode, it’s yet another Wayward af episode being forced onto an audience who were very clear they didn’t want it 🙄. The recap is sending me to sleep and my bitter Sam girl is rising since he’s barely in it.  Checks who wrote it and rolls eyes: Teleplay by Bobo the 🤡.  Dean likely isn’t going to be much better off, prepares self for Destiel pandering and Dean being used as a side character to prop up the actual side characters.  Awesome. Roll on Walker where I hope I won’t be subjected to this shit.

The radio shed scene is boring.  Done with “fan favourite” Chuck and have been for several seasons now.  Chuck’s droning on about Sam and Dean, yet it’s Dean and waste of space who are being shown sitting down together, with Sam barely in the background.  Awesome.  I just. Why?  This is like when someone says something about J2 but we get a gif that includes M.  Why are we incapable of getting just J2 or Sam and Dean?

Moving quickly on, we transition from one character I used to love but now don’t care about, to another character I used to love, but now don’t care about.  “Fan favourite” Jody is examining a dead cow. “Fan favourite” Alex calls her, she must have been busy doing something else as she doesn’t appear in the episode. Side note, Berens put the line in about vegan lasagne because the girl playing Alex is a vegan. Oh… so we’re putting in shout outs to the side characters now?  Maybe that’s why the writing is so bad. #justsaying 🤷‍♀️

Jody gets whacked on the head and is it wrong to hope she’s dead?  😔 I know she’s not dead, I know this episode is going to be TFW 2.0 rescuing her (though I predict they will end up being the ones needing to be rescued because Wayward af). It’s too much to expect some real cases, some real urban legends to investigate in the final season.  Show went too big when it should have gone home.

Almost 7 minutes in and we finally have Sam and Dean. Yay! Berens has finally remembered they are still characters on the show, but I guess he hasn’t focused on them as they aren’t “fan favourites”.  And of course “fan favourite” waste of space is in the scene because Chuck fucking forbid we get the brothers without their waste of space hanging around because he somehow has nothing else to do the last 4 seasons.

We’re pandering to “my three dad’s” fan fiction crowd in this scene, though sharing 1 braincell Destihellers for sure will be tweeting about “dads” Dean and waste of space and cheerleader Uncle Sam.  They’re talking about “fan favourite” Jack and him eating hearts. Sam doesn’t want to trust “fan favourite” Billie (good call imo).  Dean seems disconnected from this scene. Same Jensen, Same tbh.  Jared, bless him, is trying his best with this shit, even bringing out the big gun puppy eyes of doom, but I’m feeling nothing but anger.

We move from them to Jack wandering around the bunker. We see him looking at “fan favourite” Mary’s initials carved into the table… and thank you show for reminding me of that fuck up that I’d wiped from my memory.  😡🤬. We learn during this scene that Jack has been trying to contact Billie, but she’s busy so sent him a reaper.

Back with my three dad’s and Jensen can barely keep the contempt out of his expression to deliver this script.  😂

We learn in this scene that Jack trusts Death so waste of space trusts Jack (me plaintively, why???), This appears to be the part in the season that waste of space is being set up to be the tool, which they’ll forgive him for yet again. 🙄 and also 😴 and 😡, a lot of 😡

Ooh, Sam just asked the obvious question, “If Jack kills god, what about Amara.” Nobody really answers it though.

Jared side-eyeing Misha at the end of this “brother” scene. Wtf are you doing in this scene? Your contribution was what exactly? Did I get any time off during any of this for you to stand in this scene doing nothing, other than pandering to Destiel stans that could give a fuck about me, than as a cheerleader for their non ship?  He flounces out.  I wish I could leave as easily Jared, but you sucked me into this show the first time you popped your cute mop of emo hair around the door and asked, “Do I have to?”  I’m here to the bitter, bitter end my friend.

Back with Jack and “fan favourite” random reaper we’ve never seen before.  No offence to the lady, but it might have been nice to see “fan favourite” Tessa back.  I don’t think she bit the dust, did she? Anyway 😴 through this scene.

Parent!Sam goes to find Jack and hears him talking to someone. Immediately concerned, he knocks on the door, and enters.  The reaper has disappeared. Sam asks who Jack was talking to, Jack says no one,  Sam knows that’s not the case but doesn’t push it.    Sam says they’re glad to have Jack back and asks if he knows that and that Jack could have come to them first, they would have helped him. So… we’re just ignoring the whole box thing and the end of last season? Awesome, said no fan of good writing or continuity anywhere.

By the way Jack, that was your cue to be honest with Sam about the reaper.

Ah, yet another pandering moment!!  How would we have endured the last few seasons without one or two or twenty of these crow barred into every episode.  Screams from the rooftops “waste of space is a god damn angel, he doesn’t eat or drink, why the fuck are you trying to humanise him you twats.”

Anyway 😴 through that scene and I swear, I would pay to have a version of this show with waste of space completely removed from the last few seasons.  Zero purpose to this, other than setting him up to be wrong again, and taking Dean along with him, because if Jack’s anything other than a red herring, I’ll be very 😡

As an aside, I  don’t know who that is in this scene but it’s not Dean. It’s not my Dean that I fell in love with.  I hate how much this show lost its way and dragged everything down to pandering and soap opera drama.

As another aside, this scene is like an outtake with seeing who can have the deepest voice, their vocal chords are going to be permanently screwed.

However, what amuses me as always with any Dean and waste of space scene, they don’t actually talk, except about Sam or Jack and this scene is no different.

Dean’s phone rings.  It’s Jody.  I started watching this epsiode, then took a break for a couple of days and had somehow completely forgotten she was in the episode. That’s how efficient my mind is at removing the trash. 😂. Anyway she’s in trouble and tells Dean where she is and that he has to come, otherwise she dies. 

Dean and Sam drive to the location given by Jody and I’m incredibly surprised that waste of space isn’t cadging a ride in the back seat.  Seems this is a random time they can deal with things on their own without requiring the assistance of several others. Just like the good old days.  Shame they’re saving one of the Wayward failures rather than a brand new case that would have been infinitely more interesting.

Sam and Dean get to pretend they remember how to hunt in this episode, Dean covering Sam’s back while Sam helps untie Jody who is tied to a chair in the middle of a barn is the best scene in the episode so far.  Jody has plenty of time while Sam’s untying her to warn them to watch out for “fan favourite” Dark!Kaia but no, and that’s how bad this is. She barely gets a gasp and a “look out” before Sam gets whaled on.  And of course they are both going to get their asses handed to them because “Wayward af” 🙄.  Fucking hate Wayward, not content with ruining 4 episodes of season 13, they’ve come back uninvited to waste another in season 15.

What the fuck did I just see? No seriously, what the actual everloving fuck did I just see? (My swearing goes up exponentially the worse the writing is, I make no apology for that).  Samsel-in-distress is writhing on the floor, while Dean is being choked by whiny dark!kaia complaining about her spear, so of course Jody has to be the one to rescue the Winchesters by whacking her on the back with her chair 🙄.  To add insult to injury, we don’t even get a padabooty shot to make up for this atrocity we’ve had to endure.  And believe me, I could see Jared desperately trying to give us that shot. I’m 😡

Now that Jody’s been shown to be more competent than the Winchesters because “girl power rules”, Sam’s able to stand up again and both he and Dean get their guns trained on dark!kaia.

Long boring scene later – mainly between Jody and Kaia because why write for the two guys you’re paying a quarter of a million dollars per episode for, when you can write for the cheap side characters and have Sam and Dean just stand in the scene doing practically nothing.  Are you chuck damn insane with this nonsense?  Oh sorry, upshot is Kaia is alive and Dark!Kaia can see her world ending and needs to open the portal to rescue her so she lured Sam and Dean to get to Jack (for him to open the portal like he did before). 😴

Jack and waste of space are playing connect 4.  Jack wins. 😴

Sam and Jody arrive back at the bunker. We get a waste of screen time between Jody and waste of space who meet for the first time, with Sam once again being very expensive, but beautiful background.   Dean comes in a little later so he can have a dramatic entrance with dun dun dun, dark!kaia. 😴

I love how the Scooby gang are all off to the side, having a conversation but Dark!kaia is clearly within listening distance so it just makes them look like dumbasses.

Jack’s off limits in helping Kaia (Parent!Dean said no), but Sam says they’re going to look for another way.  Ummm… wasn’t that what the entirety of Season 13 was about and you needed the grace of an archangel for?  You’re just going to “check the lore” and miraculously find in half an episode what you couldn’t find in the entirety of a season?  This is bad. Waste of space is going to call plot device “fan favourite” Sergei.  How they never stumbled across Sergei before, I have no idea as he seems to be the oracle as far as Drabbernatural is concerned.

Dark!Kaia is so whiny. They are terrible at writing teenage girls, it’s actually insulting at this point.

Oh, I thought Jack had found the right spell in research, but turns out the monster needed for the spell is now extinct as they read about it in dad’s journal. Wow, I don’t remember the journal being mentioned in a long time, surprised they remember it even existed, let alone used to be the holy grail of hunting and pretty much what the show centred around in the early seasons (*whispers*, when the show was good).

Wow, they even managed to make the 30 second broment boring. This is a new low.  😴

Jody and waste of space scene because yes, out of all the scenes I could have wished to see in the final season, this was on the list. 🙄. They talk about “fan favourite” Hunter!Barbie Claire (who couldn’t be in this episode because she’s all that and a kit kat now - Supernatural who? I don’t know her.). We find out Claire loved Kaia.  I mean yeah, it’s totally normal to fall in love within 15 minutes of knowing someone. Fucking hell, someone take this pandering hack’s laptop away and save us from this trite aimed only at people who share 1 braincell who only wanted the relationship as it’s a “parallel” to Destiel.  But since Dean dancing with a lamp a couple of episodes ago was a parallel for Destiel, why are we pandering to them. (*whispers* the writers are all narcassists and put stoking their ego before good writing).

This is bad.  Did I mention this was bad?  No, but it’s really, really bad.

Jack was listening in so he’s going to do something stupid so Claire gets her “love” back. Of course he is. 🙄

He goes to speak to Dark!Kaia.  She’s still whiny, we’ll fast forward this garbage to the point Jack looks inside Dark!Kaia’s head to see what she sees, which is Kaia struggling in lizard world. 😴

Jack goes to Sam and Dean and says he’s helping Kaia because he owes her.   Parent!Winchesters are funny, neither are happy with what Jack wants to do but they support their mother killing son.

Reaper is back to stop Jack doing something that is “Winchester dumb” and Jesus fuck, how much contempt does this hack writer have for the lead characters and the 99% of the audience who love them?

Anyway the next few minutes are how stupid the Winchesters are that they can’t even fix the warding on the bunker, and I hate this writer is getting paid actual money for handing this crap in. Unfortunately, he’s got his fellow writers and a couple of hundred sycophants telling him how absolutely amaze balls he is with the rest of the c list cast tweeting around each other at how good they all were.

This is my favourite bit of the episode – not really – but it amuses me the Hellers are making mountains out of “I need to borrow your angel” (😔 pandering) and completely ignoring that no-one bats an eye or puts up a token protest that the reaper needs to use waste of space to feed the wards to keep them running as long as they need for the spell to work. No one asks what harm that might do to him, waste of space is yet again, nothing more than... well, a waste of space really. Never change Hellers, never change. 😂. I’d like to point out that if Sam has been needed to charge it, the reaction from Dean would have been entirely different. 😂

Dean makes the spell, Sam reads the words, while 2 of the 3 side characters just stand there with no purpose.  The warding going up throughout the bunker is the coolest part of this episode though.  Special effects used their $2.50 dollar store budget wisely this week.  👍

10 second broment where Sam asks Dean how Sam’s feeling about what they’re doing.

Sam: honestly?  It feels like we’re taking a big, probably stupid risk… it feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the dumb right thing, it feels like we’re back.

Note to Berens, I think you could have fit a few more dumb synonyms into that speech to let us know how you really feel). 🙄

I like how Sam checks Dean’s backpack in this scene though.  I’m wondering if that was J2 rather than writing or direction.

Yet another scene between Jody and waste of space. 😴. Jody thanks him for staying behind to look after the reaper.  Waste of space says he wants Jody to stay behind too.

Jody (out of absolutely nowhere): What is that?  Some bs male chivalry thing?

Fuck off with your sjw feminist bullshit to please the single braincellers. With shitty lines like this, it’s absolutely no surprise Wayward didn’t get green lighted.

Waste of space talks about how he’ll never be able to make what’s right, what he “took from Claire”.  Oh, you’ve remembered you possessed a child, incapable of consenting to being possessed, in order to blackmail her father to agree to being possessed again against his will.  A father and husband you got killed because you provoked Lucifer by shouting “Hey assbutt” at him and getting Jimmy blown to smithereens? And you still wander round wearing his face and clothes? No, waste of space, you can’t ever make up for that.

Anyway, the reason he doesn’t want Jody going is that if Claire loses her on top of what she’s already lost (including Kaia), then it would kill her.  Jody agrees. I meanwhile have to stop watching while I try to find my eyes which have rolled right out of my head at this point of the episode. 🙄

Found them, we’re back!  

The reaper and Castiel put their hands on a stone tablet, not sure if we’ve seen it before or it’s just a random object the reaper has handy.  🤷‍♀️. The wards are supercharged (hiding the use of Jack’s powers from Chuck so he doesn’t alert Chuck that he’s back).  Jack opens the portal and Dark!Kaia, Sam and Dean step through to lizard world.

It’s raining heavily, but not on Sam’s hair bizarrely. Denied wet!Sam so here’s a gif from a good episode.

And because I'm here for both my boys, here’s wet Dean as a bonus

They start walking to find Kaia and are set upon by those creatures from the first Star Wars movies – the ones that sell the droids and this bit is exciting, finally we get what I’m here for.  Sam and Dean are going to kick as….  Or not, because why write Sam and Dean doing what they should be doing.  The creatures don’t want to fight, they are scared of the world ending and run away. Totally anti-climactic. 😔

They find Kaia and in the most bizarre writing so far in a season chock full of bizarre writing, Kaia rushes to the guy who pulled a gun on her and forced her to do something she didn’t want to do, resulting in her getting stranded on that shitty lizard world alone, and instead of stabbing him, she… hugs him.

In fairness, it was ooc writing by I think Berens that had Dean pulling the gun on Kaia in the first place so this is just a really weak attempt at fixing the original bad writing, which only ends up compounding the problem.

Sam “the writers never bother to write in a hug for me” Winchester just stands back and smiles at Kaia.  In fairness, Sam never getting hugged goes way back and I headcanon that Sam has “back off” vibes to protect himself.  Common in younger siblings that experience a lot of loss early in their lives.

Kaia notices dark!kaia and looks about to kill her but Sam says that she helped them find Kaia.  They go to leave but dark!kaia wants to stay because she doesn’t belong in their world.  Sam says she’ll die and she seems to accept that, being left behind as Sam, Dean and Kaia run for the portal.

We see Dark!Kaia’s world pretty much ending, with her embracing it, just as Sam, Dean and Kaia step back through the portal.

Jody and Kaia hug and I think we’re supposed to feel 🥰 at that, but I care for neither of them (and Kaia was the one I originally liked in season 13, but Wayward af and the trite with Claire, plus dark!kaia episodes ruined it).

Kaia and Jack scene and Kaia looks really well put together considering the entire time we saw her in the AU, she was clearly having mental issues, but like a magic wand has been waved, she’s completely normal and healthy and no worse for 2 earth years in complete isolation in a world you have to fight to survive in every day.  Miraculous, but that’s a Wayward af cardboard cutout character for you.

Jody comes in and offers Kaia a home at Jody’s home for cardboard cut out girl!power hunters.  Kaia asks if Claire will be there and Jody says soon.  

Sam, Dean and waste of space are crammed into a frame and we wouldn’t have this overcrowding in a scene if they didn’t insist on crowbarring him in.  There would be more space in the scene if he wasn’t wasting it. I’m guessing it’s to frame Jack in the front with his “three dad’s” behind 🤮. It just looks bad.

After Kaia and Jody leave, they go back to speak to the reaper.  They’ve remembered they have two stars in this framing, Sam and Dean are together in the front of the shot, Jack and waste of space are behind.

Sam asks the reaper if the warnings worked. She snidely answers that the fact they are all still alive says it worked.  She’s killed milliseconds later by… Billie.  Oh “fan favourite” reaper, so sad to see you go. Maybe you’ll be resurrected in a later episode. We can always hope.

“Hello boys”.  Wait, isn’t that Crowley’s line (and before that Ellen?).

Oh my chucking lord, why the dramatical looks at Death and everyone being scared. This is bad. This is like that Clint Eastwood movie where they all look at each other.

It’s bad.  Who directed this?  Lol, I think it might have been Richard. He’s been hit or miss for me.  And this one’s a miss.

Sam and Dean step aside to allow Billie to get to Jack and can I just say, no parent would ever do that.  I don’t believe Sam and Dean would do that, but they do, do that (sniggers childishly at do do). They just step aside without saying a word, but who cares about them and what their characters would do.  Certainly not the writer of this episode.

Death tells them they risked everything for one girl and for what, because all the worlds are dying.

Waste of space says it’s Chuck and glares impotently at Death (I think that’s what he’s doing, he might just need the bathroom again, who knows anymore tbh), while she agrees with him, saying Chuck has been wiping out galaxies for the end.

Sam asks what her end game is.  He asks how Jack is going to kill god, what the plan is.

Long, boring monologue later, God has a book in Death’s library, meaning he can die. Billy: Everything dies” 😂

We flashback to original death in the pizza place with Dean and I wish they hadn’t. The difference between that scene and anything in the last season is glaring.  But I was right from something we were talking about a few weeks ago, because we get this quote from Death to remind us;

Death: In the end, I reap him too

Original!Dean: God?  You’ll reap god

Death: oh yes

Waste of space, “And why would god write the blueprint to his own death?” (that would have been a good line for Sam or Dean who have barely had anything to say or do this episode as it is, and they’re in the scenes just standing there getting paid a quarter of a million dollars to watch someone who hung up his acting shoes before season 7, give this line, and I can’t with this).

Anyway, god didn’t write the book, the books write themselves.

Another boring monologue, the upshot of which is Chuck had to write himself into the framework, hence he has to have a book, but it’s not explained very well and I’m fake coughing bullshit on this plot device as it doesn’t make any sense but I throw my hands up in the air. If the writers don’t care about even trying to make it make sense, then why the fuck should I put any effort in to explain it away. 😴

God hasn’t read his book and can’t unless Billie lets him. Sam asks if Jack is in god’s book. She says yes and “so are you.  I told you Dean, you and your brother have work to do, this is your destiny.  You are the messengers of god’s destruction.”

Oh great... they’re messenger boys now?  Awesome.

Back with Chuck, he’s still in Radio Shed, watching a number of televisions and all of them show worlds being destroyed.  

Chuck gets up to leave, the “fan favourite” Radio Shed employee asks if he’ll be saved.  Oh you sweet summer child! 

Chuck says he’ll be fine, but as he leaves we see a meteor hit the store (and show, if you think that was a surprise twist ending, it was flashing neon lights from the very beginning).

The episode seemed to be double the length of normal, but nothing really happened and it was boring af.

Somebody get this show a defibrillator.  Stat!  Oh wait, on second thoughts, slaps “Do not resuscitate” sign onto show.  Let it die in peace. 

#spn spoilers #15.12 #galaxy brain #spn critical #very critical

[mightylauren]

Avengers Endgame SPOILER FILLED Thoughtstream

Pretty much a blow by blow reaction stream straight from my mind in list form of the entire movie from beginning to end. Clearly full of spoilers so it’s below the cut and tagged to death. There’s some all caps screaming. A few keyboard smashes. A fair amount of cussing. Probably a fair amount of typos as I typed this while totally not rewatching it in the comfort of my home. 

Totally not.

I don’t really expect anyone to read all of this but it was all festering in my mind and now it’s out. 

SERIOUSLY I SPOIL LIKE EVERYTHING BELOW THE CUT DON’T CLICK IT UNLESS YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO SEE IT.

Who put’s mayo on a hotdog?

Oh man hawks didn’t even see it happen nooo. I knew we were opening with Barton family dusting but ouch.

Tony calling Nebula the blue meanie!

Nebula refusing the last of the food and making Tony eat it makes me love her even more. 

Tony somehow keeps his sense of humor even in the face of death. God I love him. I know he’s gonna make it off this ship.

HA, that Internet joke about Carol showing up right after the trailer scene is true. That’s hilarious.

They never explain how Carol knew to look for them, but I’m going to guess she came to earth ala the scene after Captain Marvel and then went back out to see if she could find him.

Or she got REALLY lucky

I’m unclear does Nebula need oxygen and food? Or just significantly less than a full on human? She seems much better off than him.

Steve shaving did we miss seeing the beard one last time by like seconds? rude.

OMG Rocket sitting down and taking Nebula’s hand. The last of their family. Everyone else gone. My heart is aching.

23 days so we’re less than a month past Vanishing Day

Ha Tony calling Rocket Build a Bear is my first genuine laugh this movie.

I honestly was dying on the inside the whole time Tony is losing his shit on Cap. I mean he needed to say it all but seeing how sick he is and falling apart. He rips off his reactor and hands it over then collapses.

My heart.

Rhodey man. “That’s cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.”

Man this is the least planning they’ve ever done before a mission. They’re just gonna pack up, hop in a space ship and go kill Thanos? Cool. Coolcoolcool.

Okay it’s pretty good to see a lot of that trailer stuff is from very early on in the movie.

“Who here hasn’t been to space? You better not throw up on my ship.” XD

How does this big ass planet that can clearly sustain life have no life on it? Just Thanos some birds and some Meiloorun fruit?

That’s a Star Wars reference for those of you who don’t cross fandom lines.

So his snapping arm looks completely borked.

OH SHIT THEY CAME IN SWINGING

FUCK THOR CHOPPED OFF HIS ARM DAMN

ASDFKSAJDOFIUA THE STONES ARE GONE

Wait why is Banner still not Hulking out? How is that suit still running?

Damn he destroyed the stones. He knew they’d come.

DAMN THOR WENT IN HARD.

We are like twenty minutes in and Thanos is dead? I… what?

*crumples up and throws away all predictions she had before going into the movie

FIVE YEARS LATER?!?

FIVE

FIVE YEARS

I should have brought a paper bag to breath into.

Okay there’s the support group. Yup a lot of the footage from trailers and stuff is front loaded at the beginning of this. Which is good, because no clue where this is genuinely going.

Did… did a rat just bring Ant-Man back? A rat?

Shit how long has it been for him?

Oh wait, he’s looking for his people maybe not that long.

P-professor Chang?

Can you imagine how disorienting this all is for Scott? Pops out five years after a tragedy like the snap with no idea what the hell is happening.

My sister literally turned to me and said “no trash service but they built a monument?”

Valid question. Very valid. 

OMG CASSIE IS ALL GROWN UP I CAN’T.

I don’t think he fully realized how much time had passed until he saw his daughter.

“You’re so big” just made me tear up a little.

I just had a baby daughter four months ago. So I’m trying not to imagine what it would be like to vanish along with a bunch of other people and then turn back up five years later.

CAROL’S HAIR.

I’m sorry some of this is probably going to be completely incomprehensible unless you’ve seen the movie it just needs venting.

I am liking that they’re all reporting to Nat. That Rocket and Nebula are clearly teamed up.

OMG rocket made a joke about the haircut and Carol called him Fur Face

In case you didn’t know I have a ridiculous love for Rocket so I’m just glad he’s got a support system right now with almost the entirety of his found family dusted.

Capt. Marvel is basically saying she’s out for most of this movie isn’t she? I guess that makes sense she’s OP as hell.

Rhodey is tracking Clint but reluctantly. Clint’s clearly gone off the deepens a bit. Vigilante. Nat isn’t taking it well. Oh no she’s crying. 

This movie is gonna kill me.

I’m trying to imagine seeing a pod of whales in the Hudson River and I can’t imagine it. 

Okay so I’m guessing Scott’s about to turn up covering another major point from the early trailers. Yes yes yes. This is good.

Nat explaining that the Avengers gave her a family and a life and made her feel like she was a better person. Oh girl. You’ve done enough. It’s okay.

HA THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES ARE PRICELESS

Scott doesn’t know science. He’s trying so hard. We need the Science Bros. Where are they?

FIVE HOURS

FIVE FUCKING HOURS?

HE WAS IN FOR FIVE HOURS AND LOST FIVE YEARS????

“Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon so nothing seems crazy anymore.” LFAO

Tony has a daughter I’m dying. It had to be a little girl. 

Wait is he serious about eating crickets on lettuce? He might be this is semi post-apocalyptic.

Tony does not look happy to see them.

YES LET’S PULL A TIME HEIST. Tony isn’t feeling this but I am.

Oh, Scott, honey. Back to the Future? 

Though Tony your protege Peter used movies to make plans all the time. Maybe it’s not that laughable.

Okay I would die for his daughter. “Mommy sent me out here to save you.” Don’t think you were supposed to just say that outloud kiddo but props on a successful mission.

I know Tony too well for this. He’s saying no, because he loves his family. He needs his family. He’s scared to lose his family.

But now this idea is going to itch at the back of his brain aching to be solved.

Come on Tony lets go back to the future and pull off a time heist.

Hulk in glasses and a sweater is was not even on my theory bingo card what is happening. Is this his diner? They had to find him so he’s clearly not working for Nat right now. I have so many questions.

This whole thing with the kids is awkward. 

Come to think of it I have questions about how the infrastructure that is supporting things like cell phone networks is still functioning after the vanishing. Maybe because it’s been five years.

Is Nat flirting with Banner to get him to help?

Tony looking at a picture of Peter he’s got to try.

OH MY GOD HE GOT IT IN ONE EVENING.

EVEN HE LOOKS SURPRISED.

SHIT! 

I’m glad there is laughter in this movie and it’s not entirely heavy. I mean it’s Marvel I should have known.

He calls his daughter Little Miss. And she just extorted a juice pop out of him. I love Dad Tony. 

This is gonna hurt later I just know it. I can feel it in my gut.

“I love you 3000” My heart.

I’m glad that Tony is just going to have a straight up honest conversation with his wife about this.

He’s grown so much.

Oh Pepper, she’s telling him to do it. There’s some unsaid deep communication happening in this conversation. Bless this pair so much. She’s going to let him go and he’s going to go even though his gut his telling him that the road is not going to end well for him.

That’s why he wants to put it in a lock box and drop it to the bottom of a lake.

This is just so damn good so far. No complaints yet.

I kind of love this Hulk. He has no idea what he’s doing here but I love him. He’s like only half taking this seriously.

BAHAHAHA THIS TEST. HE comes back as a baby and Hulk is like “He’ll grow” I mean he’s not wrong but not the right answer buddy.

Another genuinely funny scene. 

“TIME TRAVEL!” With his hulk arms held wide.

Tony is literally speeding in his car there. Cap doesn’t even look that surprised.

Oh this is the Tony and Steve getting back on the same page moment I’ve been waiting for. I love it. I really love it.

HE BROUGHT THE SHIELD.

I love that it was in the trunk buried under kids stuff.

Tony is back and I love it even if I’m scared it’s gonna mean his end.

“Rhodey, careful on reentry theres an idiot in the landing zone.” As if I couldn’t love Nebula more in this movie.

Wait “New Asgard Please Drive Slowly” just threw me for a total loop. Good to know all the Asgardians didn’t actually die in that ship.

VALKYRIE!!!!

She’s like not acknowledging the Raccoon LMFAO

Holy hell what is happening here. Oh man Thor what have you done to yourself.

Actually, I get it. 

Are they playing Fortnite? 

This whole scene is super surreal right now. 

I actually kinda dig it but I did NOT see it coming. This movie has gone places I never would have predicted.

Thor kept strong for so long. He lost so much. He got all the way to the point where he’d done all he could think. He killed Thanos and there was no way to undo all that could be done so he just settled and existed. He drank and played video games with his buddies.

I get it.

Rocket just lured him onto the ship with beer. 

Was good to see Korg and Miek are alive. And there for them in their own ways.

RONIN ALERT.

Oh dude he’s just fucking people up does he even have a bow with him?

Nat waited until there was some way to undo the snap before reaching out to him. She’s just been silently tracking him waiting for a good reason to bring him in. 

In a matter of seconds Tony calls Thor “Lebowski” and Rocket “Ratchet” and I have always lived for his dumbass nicknames. 

Lebowski Thor is officially what I’m referring to this iteration of Thor.

Oh look a classic time travel trope a limit in the number of trips they can make. Makes sense though, Hank Pym was always very protective of how to make the particles so they only have what was made before the Vanishing.

I love the team debating how time travel really works. Listing all the time travel movies. Bill and Ted even snuck into the list. 

Not sure sending Clint back for the test was the best choice this is gonna be rough.

Okay he started to lose it at the end but he made it.

YES brainstorming session this’ll be fun.

Tony’s gentle handling of Thor says a lot. Tony’s been to rock bottom and recognizes the symptoms. At the same time I laughed when he offered breakfast and Thor said no he wanted a Bloody Mary.

ROCKET CALLING SCOTT AN EXCITED PUPPY BAHAHAHA

Nebula is so dramatic I’m here for it. 

Laying all over the desk brainstorming for Nat to finally figure out that there are three stones in one place at one time. This is the content I came for.

TIME HEIST LETS GO.

And just like that its 2012 this is surreal.

LMFAO HULK DOESN’T WANT TO SMASH.

Interesting seeing what the Ancient One was doing during the battle of New York. On a roof defending the sanctum from Chitauri.

OH SHIT SHE JUST PUSHED BANNER’S SOUL OUTA HIS HULK BODY

I didn’t see that coming.

Just a glimpse of Loki. :-(

It was almost cruel to send Thor to Asgard to do this. I mean someone had to go with Rocket, but damn this is tough to watch.

DAMN Rocket smacked him. And also just called Mantis “the chick with the antenna”. Pep talk’s not bad but Thor is crying I don’t think he can do this.

I don’t know why they want to do it that way anyway, Jane would have taken one look at him and known it was the wrong Thor.

Wait… they’re sending Nat and Clint to Vormir… oh God… oh no…

Okay so that’s going to suck in a few minutes lets just put a pin in that.

Nebula you waited a bit to tell Rhodey that there’s another you out there looking for the same infinity stone you’re there to fetch. 

Oh look its like just barely pre-Guardians Gamora, Nebula, and unfortunately Thanos.

I have a bad feeling about this.

OH SHIT I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

Turns out two Nebula’s in one place is bad voodoo. She’s seeing video from the other Nebula which means THANOS can see video from the other….

Yeah this is all gonna go bad.

HAHAHA Tony just checked out Steve’s ass. 

AMERICA’S ASS!!!

It’s hard to remember that this shit is going to fall apart when I’m laughing.

Tony just flicked Ant-Man to his target and all I can think about is Gimli an “toss me” from LOTR.

Is Cap about to fuck up a bunch of people in the elevator again?

STEVE YOU SNEAKY BASTARD YOU JUST HAIL HYDRA’D AND STOLE THE SCEPTER.

2012 Time heist is about to hit a hiccup isn’t it. OH MAN they just gave Tony a heart attack.

LOKI NO

I mean yes but no. Loki just nicked the Tesseract and dipped with it. 2012 Loki is just gone.

There’s like timeline repercussions there. Not entirely sure what they are but there will be repercussions.

Cap fighting himself! CAP CHECKING OUT HIS OWN ASS!

Man the Time Heist is so rapid fire there’s too much to absorb.

“I’m totally from the future.” - Lebowski Thor breaking a law of time travel

Thor’s heart to heart with his mom is giving me feels. He needed this.

YES MJOLNIR IS COMING WITH HIM!

Ok it’s never occurred to me how ridiculous Quill would look dancing around without the music. That’s hilarious.

AH SHIT THANOS KNOWS AND HE’S THERE AND THIS IS WHERE IT GOES TO SHIT.

NEBULA </3

It’s so good seeing Steve and Tony back on the same page trusting each other. And clearly completely throwing Scott “Piss-Ant” Lang for a loop. 

I didn’t expect a detour to the 70’s. AAAND that’s his Dad. Tony’s just run into his own father. 

This movie is a roller coaster I’ll tell ya.

This is all mush if you’ve read this far you deserve an award. Or a sticker. One of those.

What a weird decision to have Tony have this whole meet up with his father here. And now Steve is taking refuge in Peggy’s office. Like this is almost mean to do this to these two. 

Why is it the Russo’s never could decide if Steve had gotten over Peggy or not gotten over Peggy. Back and forth and back again. I take it we aren’t going to see the niece at all in this one?

Alright boys lets get the hell out of the 70s this felt like a weird trip without the drugs.

Damn Nebula why is past you such a bitch when I love present you so much. I know I know that’s because you grew and what not but shit I don’t know what you and Thanos are about to do but it’s about to suck.

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT VORMIR BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON

I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want either of them to die. This sucks. No No no no onoanfnaondaksldfj;lasdkja;

God we’re going to have to literally watch them fight over which one is going to sacrifice themself.

Here it is, I’m crying now. Me and Barton are just going to cry here in this puddle if you need us. 

They’re all back, except Nat. Which means that’s the wrong damn Nebula and no one notices because NO NAT. Shit. Shit shit.

This movie is going to give me a heart attack.

“Did she have any family?” “Yeah. Us.” :’-(

Okay Thanos like fucked up a whole mining community and shut down a star afterwards to forge a gauntlet to put the stones in and here’s Tony Stark plopping them into like an Iron Man armor piece like its nothing.

Looks sleek too. I dig it.

And they’re all too busy with the glove to notice fucking Nebula. SHIT. 

Man it’s hurting Hulk just to WEAR the damn thing. Thanos was just strolling around wearing it, which doesn’t bode well considering I see Nebula is bringing Thanos here. 

Cool. That’s cool. This is fine. 

How long of a moment of joy are they going to get. Clint’s wife is calling. Birds are singing. Shit is inches from a fan.

THERE’S THE SHIT. HOLY SHIT HE’S BLOWING AVENGERS HQ COMPLETELY OFF THE MAP NOOOOOOO

There’s like a whole hour left. Tell me they all survived that. I was not ready. I WAS NOT READY.

Oh here’s that shot of Hawkeye in the tunnel. Much later in the movie than a lot of those trailer shots. Fascinating. 

So 2014 Thanos is here with his whole crew and there’s a complete gauntlet here. Shit.

Well, they’re all alive. They’re not together entirely but they’re all alive.

Double wielding dad bod Thor just braided his beard with lightning and I’m here for it.

The stakes are at maximum. Now Thanos wants to destroy it all not just half. So failure here can never be undone there won’t be anyone to Avenge anything if he gets the gauntlet this time. That’s not terrifying at all.

Fuck that’s the wrong Nebula. BUT THERE’S THE RIGHT NEBULA WITH GAMORA.

Clint is like in the middle of this stand off like “wtf is happening I should have kept my hands on the glove”

Nebula just killed her own past self. And she didn’t vanish so no Back to the Future rules here for sure.

Damn Thanos is giving the boys a run for their money even without a single stone. 

Shit is Thor gonna die?

HOLY SHIT CAP HAS THE HAMMER AND THE THEATER JUST MIGHT EXPLODE FROM THE SOUNDS OF THE AUDIENCE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Damnit Thanos is calling in the whole army. Cap is like the last one standing on the front line and he’s not backing down because he’s Captain “America’s Ass” America. Thor is down Iron Man is down. The others are trying not to drown. Shit.

OMG ON YOUR LEFT I JUST MIGHT CRY.

HOLY SHIT ITS EVERYONE I’M CRYING. 

PEPPER FUCKING POTTS IS HERE AS RESCUE HOLY SHIT.

TALK ABOUT THE CALVARY RIDING IN AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND HOLY HELL.

HE’S GONNA FUCKING SAY IT

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

It’s a good thing they sound proof these theaters now or you’d hear this across town the audience is going fucking nuts.

There’s too much to touch on all this chaos I’ll hit the highlights because it’s so much.

Pepper and Tony fighting back to back.

Thor and Steve switching weapons, Thor telling him to keep “the little one” aka Mjolnir.

Tony and Peter reuniting and the hug.

Quill seeing Gamora and it’s the wrong Gamora and actually that broke my heart a little bit because his Gamora is gone forever.

Playing hot potato with the gauntlet.

Scarlet Witch fucking Thanos up to the point he panics and starts firing on his own troops to get her off of him.

Spider getting the gauntlet and for the first time ever activating instant kill on purpose.

Peter becoming the hot potato along with the Gauntlet.

OMG ROCKET FOUND GROOT AND HE’S BODILY BLOCKING HIM FROM FIRE MY HEART.

When the ships started firing up my sister elbowed me and legit was like “She’s here.” 

All the women assembling around Captain Marvel!! Even Gamora is with them holy shit!

Damn it the glove is back within his reach and I can’t with this. 

GET HIM CAROL DON’T LET HIM DO IT AGAIN.

She took a headbutt to the face like it was nothing and he panicked like a bitch pulled the power stone and punched her with it. 

OH MY GOD TONY

My sister silently handed me a tissue and I fell the fuck apart.

I never thought in a million years they would have it go this way. Tony snapping. Dusting Thanos and his army. 

I can’t even comment more on this scene I’m too sad. Everything after is too sad. The funeral.

There are infinity stone colored stones in the “proof that Tony Stark has a heart” setting. 

I love you 3000 Tony Stark.

Thor leaving Valkyrie in charge and heading off with the Guardians.

Quill clearly looking for new old Gamora. I doubt she was dusted so she must have just faded away after the battle to do her own thing.

Glad that Nebula is with them though.

I feel a loose beginning set up for the actual Asgardians of the Galaxy.

Bucky said goodbye to Cap like he knew Cap wasn’t going to be back with them in five seconds. He knew.

We’re lucky he didn’t come back as a baby though. ;-)

I mean I’m surprised they went this route with Cap but I’m happy for him.

I’m happy for Sam too. We knew at the end of this the mantel had to get passed and here it is, old man Steve passing the shield to Sam.

I bet that show about “Falcon” and Bucky is really about the new Captain America and Bucky. Just saying.

Steggy shippers rejoice and the cries of a million Stony and Stucky shippers can be heard round the world.

Is that a sentence I just wrote? I never got into MCU shipping stuff personally.

And then all there is at the end is the distant sound of Tony forging that first armor.

A reminder that Tony Stark built all this in a cave.

From a box of scraps.

TONY….

I’ll be mourning Tony for a long while. I was always team Tony.

They did him right tough. His arc was satisfying and RDJ performed beautifully in this one.

My heart aches. They had to give him a daughter. I’m watching my daughter sleep totally not thinking what it would be like for her to lose her father. 

I’m gonna go hug my partner when I’m done with this.

Over all I am happy with Endgame. I mean with time travel they obviously left loose ends all over.

They say they can’t change time and the whole present becoming your past when you go back while the past is your future blah blah blah

But like clearly things are changed. 2012 Loki got the tesseract and escaped

2014 Thanos is no longer in 2014. So the Guardians movies happened but also couldn’t have happened? I dunno it’s confusing.

So basically the MCU has finally caught up with it’s comic book roots of being a confusing jumble timelines. How poetic.

Anyway if you read this you are amazing and feel free to private message me if you want to scream about Avengers Endgame and have no one else to do it with.

I feel better having vented this all out.

#spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #mcu spoilers #mcu #marvel #avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #marvel cinematic universe #it took me all day to rewatch a 3 hour movie because I have a 4 month old child

[buildridernews]

[Review] Kamen Rider Build - Episodes 42-46

We're really getting close to the end here, folks! And since Katsuragi's dad is becoming more of a subject, bit of a running change to the reviews: I'm going to start referring to the Katsuragi in Sento's head by as Katsuragi like I have been, and refer to the dad as Shinobu. Simple fix. 

Episode 42: “A Skeptical Legacy” (疑惑のレガシー)

This picks up after Sento's last encounter with Evol and a Lost Smash. While it's merely a quick talking point that Evol has emotions now, the bigger mystery to solve is what happened to Sento's dad, since he may still be alive and no one can say for sure what his motives are. I mean, considering we've had bad dads since at least Wizard, I'd be cautious. Yeah, I'm counting Gaim. Takatora's dad had a history in Gaim Gaiden. Anyway.

Evol causes a scene, so the other Riders show up to take him on, only for him to pull some very intense bullshit and destroy the Toto government office! Seeing this black hole triggers something in Cross-Z Magma, causing him to lose control and beat the shit out of MadRogue, then take back the Dragon Fullbottle, which turns a silver color. After MadRogue flees, it seems we have another Build on the scene as he uses NinninComic Form to create a smokescreen and attack Cross-Z Magma and Grease, then flee without being seen. We then learn that this Build recognizes the silver Dragon Fullbottle as something to do with Hazard Level 7...

Disguising himself as the Seito prime minister, Evolt uses this opportunity to pretty much unify Japan under his control with a speech that all the nations root for. While this alone is enough to be cause for alarm, MadRogue then starts causing destruction with the claim that all the Kamen Riders have formed an anti-government movement, making every one of our heroes the enemies of Japan. Damn. One fell swoop.

Build and Rogue do their best to challenge MadRogue, but he's making Rogue feel pretty low as he laughs at how Toto's government is gone now. Build gives a nice speech about doing the right thing with the power they were given, both Gentoku's dad, and the Rider System that Build honestly believes was built by Shinobu to stop Evolt.

The two have Utsumi on the ropes, then the second Build from before shows up, telling thgem that the Rider System wasn't built for idealistic nonsense. He lands near them and disengages his transformation, revealing himself to be... Shinobu Katsuragi.

This is one of those episodes I'm glad wasn't the start of a hiatus.

Episode 43: “Another Build” (もう一人のビルド)

Sento can only watch as his father coldly takes on the other Riders as Build, until Cross-Z Magma loses control again as a result of Evolt's influence on him. In order to save a father he's unsure about, Sento transforms and delivers a final form kick to knock Cross-Z Magma back, which results in him being out of commission for a little bit. It also results in Kazumi and Gentoku leaving since they don't want to trust Sento in the state he's in.

Sento is once again left wondering what he's fighting for since he was essentially formed into a hero as a means to an end - Shinobu seems more concerned with collecting the Lost Fullbottles which would bring on a new world, meaning he is currently their enemy.

Things do not look any better for Shinobu as he and Evolt have lured Misora out with the promise of a tactic that will help Sento - unfortunately, she falls for it. The plan is to unleash Vernage by injecting her with lots of nebula gas, which of course is a fatal thing.

When Sento gets the call that Misora needs help, he finds her and discovers she's become the CD Lost Smash. It seems like he's on the ropes, as Shinobu joins her side as the other Build in order to take on our protag Build, explaining that Vernage's power is complicating things and could kill Misora.

Ryuga's back in action and lifts Sento out of his mood, reminding him that the things he believes in aren't illusions - there's a lot of awesome hot-blooded-shonen-spirit speeches going around~ The two transform, and when Cross-Z Magma loses control once again... Build gets an idea to help fix two problems.

Using Genius Form's special power, Build literally kicks the Mars out of Misora and sends it into Cross-Z Magma, neutralizing the effect of Evolt's influence and saving Misora from being a monster. The day is saved. And after nabbing the other Build's Rabbit Fullbottle, it turns gold in Build's hand, which he then uses to attack the other Build. This is when he lets Build know that he, like Cross-Z Magma, has reached Hazard Level 7, then escapes.

Shinobu returns to Evolt's side, being honest about how Build actually surprised him this time. Utsumi then lets them know that Kazumi and Gentoku are wandering the area... and it's at this point I remember that Kazumi is stronger but will apparently die if he loses a fight.

This is another one of those episodes I'm glad wasn't the start of a hiatus.

Episode 44: "Evolt's End" (エボルトの最期)

Kazumi and Gentoku are looking for a particular part of Faust when they're caught by Utsumi, and taken to the room where people are exposed to the nebula gas that turns them into Lost Smash. Meanwhile, Sento is using data from Ryuga's new Evolt-and-Vernage body to create the Blizzard Knuckle, a polar (HA) opposite to the Magma Knuckle.

Not all hope is lost as we learn that Kazumi and Gentoku were trying to get caught so that they could raise their Hazard Levels through the nebula gas. They try to escape, when Build and Cross-Z Magma make a surprise visit to rescue them.

This is when the second Build shows up, attacking Build's Hazard Trigger with a direct hit, then letting him know pretty directly that the world is doomed if Build stays as weak as he is - something about his wording seems odd, especially when he uses the blade of NinninComic to make Build teleport then tell Madrogue that Build escaped... Not only that, but he wants Evolt to do something for him with 3 of the purple Fullbottles.

At the cafe, the gang is back together since Sento has accepted that his dad is their enemy. He also seems to be in a rush to make progress, as he gets Ryuga to try and use the Blizzard Knuckle to transform, to no avail. As he thinks alone, Evolt calls him with what is presumably a typical "Kindly give me that Lost Fullbottle you have or die" offer. While Sento is frustrated over it all, he starts to read into what his father said in battle and the attack towards the Hazard Trigger...

Sento arrives at the usual abandoned factory to take on Evol, who knows he won't go down without a fight. As Build prepares to use the Blizzard Knuckle, the others how up knowing that Sento needs all the help he can get. They all work together to fight Evol, and even with a noticeable stat boost on Rogue and Grease, they're still heavily outclassed.

Finally, the ultimate finisher. Grease and Rogue distract Evol, while Cross-Z Magma uses the Blizzard Knuckle to deliver an icy punch to his Evol Trigger, causing him to revert to his default form. This allows Build to come in with a kick, which... actually kills him off! Smoke clears, no more villain!

While the others take this moment to celebrate, Sento seems perplexed that there are now 3 Lost Fullbottles - the same bottles he was given earlier - left as remains. The other Build swoops in and snatches them, letting them know this all went exactly as planned.

This is, again, makes me glad that this wasn't the start of a hiatus.

Episode 45: “The Scientist of Hope” (希望のサイエンティスト)

As Shinobu takes the Lost Fullbottles left behind by Evol, he also takes the Evol Driver and puts it into a special little tank, explaining that he was waiting for this moment so that he could seal away Evol. It seems that he's been working with Evolt all these years waiting for the right moment to betray him for the sake of humanity, which is making it a little hard for others to trust him. We also learn that the actual power of the Lost Fullbottles is the ability to warp through wormholes, which is certainly as unheard of as the vague documentation suggested.

While it seems all went well, Utsumi shows up, possessed by Evolt. It seems he had anticipated something and made sure that part of his DNA left his body before his defeat. He delivers a single attack to Shinobu, killing him. As Sento props him up, Shinobu hands Sento some sort of cards, and parting words. It seems like maybe there was a good man in there after all...

Grease is hit with a particular type of attack, and everyone manages a narrow escape with Pandora's Box, but the Lost Fullbottles are left behind with Evol. Only one left... and Sento has it.

At the cafe, Sento is trying desperately to get into some sort of files using the cards he was given. Shinobu left him with the hint that there was a white Pandora Panel that Evolt didn't know about, and that he needed to use the Hazard Trigger to figure it out. However, the voice of Katsuragi in his head has been very doubtful of his father ever since they learned he might still be alive, and now he's telling Sento that no such panel exists. Katsuragi won't be a fool to his father's deception anymore.

Evol causes trouble in Toto, which calls the Riders to action, minus Kazumi. Evol is using his default form, and reveals why: Kazumi wakes up, possessed by a bit of Evolt DNA, then steals the CD Lost Fullbottle from the girls and shows up to give Evol a complete set! And for some reason, Build can't use Genius Form right now!

This is when Evolt achieves a new evolution, a monster form that happens to be wearing a Rider belt despite being classified as a monster: Gamedeus Cronus Evolt (Monster Form). He's really on another level now, throwing people through buildings and even warping himself and Build to another planet just to destroy it and absorb it to become even stronger. He returns to Earth and gives Build a thorough beating, which actually seems to be enough to jog his memory...

At one point before the Skywall incident, Shinobu proclaimed he would find out if alien life exists, and when Katsuragi jokes that they might invade us, Shinobu says he wants to create something to defend them, and asks if Katsuragi would help - the reason Genius Form wasn't working so far was because Sento was so angry at Evolt for killing his father, when he really should be fighting for justice as his father did. So, he has the chance to fight once more.

Everyone joins together for a massive Rider Kick, which actually causes the Lost Fullbottle panel to escape Evolt's body! Build then punches the panel using a finisher, and the Hazard Trigger reacts, turning two of the bottles back to their normal purple color. Evol reverts back out of his monster form, perplexed and angered, then flees.

Following Evolt's speech as Mido, the Seito prime minister, unifying Japan, it seems that three new people have been enlisted to rule the three nations under Mido. As Utsumi comes to rub this loss in Evol's face, he threatens Utsumi to make sure he doesn't tell "those three" what he's REALLY after...

Finally, Sento figures out the password to these new documents from his father. With this, they can defeat Evolt.

At this point, this is where the movie takes place. Yes, it's weird, but so was the initial comment on the movie's placement. What they said before was that it took place "After the war for Pandora's Box", which was some news I addmittedly took as "Wait, isn't the war technically over now?" - at this point in the show, Evolt is unifying Japan, so yeah, the war is over. Which means that the movie which comes out a week after this next episode is meant to take place riiight now.

I know it's confusing, just like Ex-Aid's True Ending movie which has a confusing title for a movie that turned out to be a post-finale story that premiered during the show's run. Not totally into this trend either.

Episode 46: “A Vow To Be The One” ( 誓いのビー・ザ・ワン)

Oh damn, the opening theme (and movie) title gets dropped in an episode. Bit early, guys.

So I was curious how this episode would address the movie, and it does it... minimally? Evolt gives a speech as Seito's prime minister about how Japan has been unified, then transforms into Evolt to reveal what he is to all of Japan - he also presents a challenge for the Kamen Riders, a final battle for the planet at the top of Pandora Tower! But are they bad enough dudes to rescue the planet from aliens? We'll find out... now!

Making use of Ryuga's Evolt DNA, Ryuga places the Hazard Trigger into the open Pandora's Box, causing a new white panel to appear. As Sento learned from his father's documents, the black and white panels, combined with the Lost Fullbottles and Evolt's power, will basically allow them to fuse with an alternate reality that has no Skywall, safely undoing all of this and allowing them to be free of Evolt. Which is pretty crazy as far as plans go, and I can dig it. I'm curious how closely the finale will mirror that. No pun intended, for once.

Kazumi echos the fandom and requests a power-up from Sento so that he can be of more use to them, to which Sento - being Sento - reveals he was always intended to get one with the Blizzard Knuckle previously used against Evol. He even thought to use data from Kazumi's buddies as part of its bottle. However, he warns that the Hazard Level spike this item would give him would probably be too much for his body, so he should only use it as a weapon - nothing more.

The gang has a barbeque while they wait for shit to go down, and it's a wonderful character-building scene BUT the one thing of note here is Sento wanting to tell Ryuga... something. I am fully expecting that to come back later because Sento is just that good at last-second planning.

As the city prepares for the final showdown, Evol storms in with a huge army of Hard Guardians, with the Riders showing up to get this all over with. That's when Evol reveals the rules for his game: They have to make it up Pandora Tower, and with every 10 minutes they waste, he destroys a part of Japan - as he demonstrates to really show them the stakes involved. Legit, people are getting sucked into this black hole, it's horrific! So they better get this over with in at least two more episodes. With time for a wrap-up episode after and a Zi-O cameo.

So, not only does he do this, but as he waits outside, part of his DNA leaves his body. As the group enters the tower, we quickly see what the DNA went to: Clones of Akaba, Aoba and Kiba, which turn into Lost Smash - Grease stays behind to fight, as you'd expect.

Another small scene that needs to be addressed: With the sudden destruction caused by Evol, Misora and Sawa are looking for the Build Driver left behind by Sento's father, which I guess Sento hid in the Fullbottle chamber - mysteriously, it's missing. Also, Sawa gets a call from... Namba? HM. I suspect Evolt's got a rat. A rat bat. A mad-- you get the idea.

Grease does his best to deal with the Smash trio, but they keep tricking him by flinching in character, toying with his emotions. This is no time to hold back, as Evol causes more of the city to be eaten up by a black hole. Kazumi cancels out his transformation, reminding himself of just how broken he became after the deaths of his comrades, then breaks a promise to Sento by slapping on a Build Driver (his dad's, even, ouch) and transforms with the Blizzrd Knuckle... becoming Kamen Rider Grease Blizzard.

And that's how the episode ends - Grease finally joins the others with a new form, and it's with the implication that he'll die. Even the episode preview is leaning into this! This is definitely one of those episodes I'm glad wasn't the start of a hiatus.

...

Oh wait, it is. Fuck.

Yes, next week the show will be taking a break due to sports, a classic tradition. Those watching Lupinranger VS Patranger will get to carry on as usual while the Rider fans suffer this one out. And it's at the start of Build's final months, too...

Stay strong, my friends. Stay strong.

#kamen rider build #reviews #feed

[ellanainthetardis]

Prompt for Hads :hayffie always going at it but haymich never goes down, effie was curious why and asks Haymitch is embarrassed to tell her he never went down on a girl before and they go from there

Here you go [X]

A Special Reward

Haymitch watched the silver parachute floatdown on the penthouse’s big screen, glancing at their tribute monitor from timeto time. Once the girl had the bottle of water in hands and had gulped severalmouthfuls, he finally relaxed. The fifteen year old girl had lasted two days sofar. It had been a while since Twelve had still be in the competition at thatpoint.

“We finallyhave a shot.” Effie declared with a happy sort of sigh.

“She’s been lucky so far.” he tempered,watching as the feed switched to the Career group huddling around a campfirefor the night. “Lucky hardly ever wins the Games.”

“It does sometimes.” she argued, stretching herarms high over her head. Something audibly popped in her back and he gave her aquick glance over. It had been a couple of days and they hadn’t gotten manyhours of sleep or proper meals. Her blue eyes were still on the screen. “Onesponsor lures the next.” She checked her watch and then winced. “It is too lateto join any party without looking desperate but tomorrow morning I will arrangefor lunch with a few people.”

“Fine with me.” he mumbled, muting the TV. Ather small frown, he shrugged. “Don’t think anything’s gonna happen tonight.Caesar’s tying up for the day.” Gamemakers usually gave some hints and warningto the public when they set off traps at night, so nobody missed it. All wasquiet for now. And both of them could use the time off. “Good job with thesponsor today.”

She toed off her heels with a theatrical sigh.“The sacrifices I make for Twelve.”

He snorted. “So bad?”

She had spent two hours negotiating with afamous stylist that afternoon, leaving him to stand next to her and watch asshe spun her web. In the end, the woman had agreed to give them money if Effiewore her shoes for the next six months. In his opinion, it was an easy bargainbut Effie had been wincing ever since he had signed the deal.

“The brand can certainly us the boost.” shegroaned, glancing at the boxes that had been delivered earlier. She had openedone, had inspected one of the high heels and had winced even deeper. “Thoseshoes are uncomfortable and ugly.”

But Effie Trinket wearing them would launch atrend.

Truly, that stylist had bought them a bottle ofwater but would make a fortune out of it.

He placed a hand on her thigh, squeezing once.Not that he was comforting her because she would have to wear ugly shoes – she always wore ugly shoes, he didn’t seethe difference. “You did good.”

“Of course, I did.” she huffed, jutting herchin in the air. “I am the best.” She covered his hand with hersand guided it higher on her leg. “Still, I dothink I deserve some kind of reward. Don’t you?”

That was asked with an innocent pout andbatting fake eyelashes.

He smirked, inching his fingers under her dressbut not doing much more than brushing his fingertips against her inner thigh.“You want sex, you could just ask for it, sweetheart.”

The pout became more genuine. “How tasteless.”

“Yeah?” he snorted, leaning in to press a lineof kisses against the side of her neck. He let his tongue poke at her skin,rejoicing in her little gasps. He sucked her earlobe in his mouth, his tonguetoying with the silver earring she had on. “You tell me or you don’t get it.”

“Is that so?” she challenged, a littlebreathless.

Before he could tell her that, yeah, it was how he felt like playing itthat night, she had pushed him away and tossed a leg over his lap. His handsshot to her waist and he let his head fall against the back of the couch as shegrinded herself on him with a devilish grin.

“My reward. My rules.” she declared.

He ran his hands from her waist to her knees afew times, itching her dress up. It wasn’t his favorite way to do this but…“Fair enough.”

Her smile could have lit up the whole Capitolfor a month and it was worth the brief lack of control. She propped her elbowson the back of the couch and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was dirty and theway she was rolling her hips… He felt around her back, groaning in triumphagainst her lips when he found the zipper. He was only happy once the dress wasbundled around her waist. He fumbled with the clasp of her bra for a moment andquickly tossed the piece of fabric away once it came loose. He let his mouthtravel down her jaw, her collarbone and breathed a sigh of contentment once hereached her breasts.

The noises she made…

He barely noticed she had opened his shirt buthe did notice when she drew back.

“Too many clothes.” she mumbled, standing uplong enough to shimmy out of her dress and slide off her panties. He took theopportunity to get rid of his own clothes, kicking shoes, pants and socks in apracticed movement. He opened her arms and she sat back down on his lap.

The kisses grew more desperate. He kneaded herbreasts, hips sometimes jerking up when she pressed down…

Her mouth roamed on his neck, her hands werestroking his sides…

She was holding back a little though, he couldfeel it. They had been having sex for so long he knew her by heart.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, abandoning one breastto sneak a hand between her legs.

She moaned and rested her head against his, hernails digging in his sides. “I want you to do something to me.”

He chuckled against her neck, nibbling only tolick the abused patch of skin. “Shoot.”

She was never shy about asking in bed and he kindof loved that.

“Eat me out.” she whispered, an edge in hervoice.

He tensed. “Eat you out?”

“I know you do not like me to top. It isalright if it stems from the same problem and you do not want to…” She hurriedin saying, clearly having thought hard about this before. “But you neverspontaneously did and… I do loveoral, Haymitch. I really, really doand…”

“Fine. Fine. Hold your horses.” he grumbled,lifting her up by the waist and placing her on the couch next to him. She lieddown and spread her legs without shame, hooking one knee over the back of thecouch and putting her other foot on the floor. It was a very, very nice view.His throbbing erection certainly seemed to think so too. “You’re sure you don’twant me to fuck you?”

Her eyes shot down and she licked her lips.“Oh, I want to. After. I want my rewardnow.”

He brushed his hands up and down her innerthighs.

Purely to waste time.

Effie watched him for a moment and then shiftedawkwardly. “If you do not want to, just say so. There is no right or wronghere.”

He hated it when she talked about sex like shewas a great expert – even if she probably was,she might be younger but she was certainly the most experienced.

“Ain’t that.”he muttered, scooting down to press a few kisses against her inner thighs.

“What is it then?” she asked, closing her eyesand sucking in a breath when he nuzzled her between the legs. He relaxed alittle at her reaction. She wasn’t incoherent enough not to stop talkingthough. “Aside from the fact you clearly adoremy breasts.”

“Never really… Never really done that before.”  he admitted, giving her a tentative lick.

“Oh.” she breathed out and he could almost hearthe clog turning in her head. How he wouldn’t have bothered for one nightstands and how she had never askedhim for it before… “Alright. Do you need directions?”

He rolled his eyes, biting on her inner thighin retribution. “Don’t think I need you to draw me a map, no.”

Still, he followed instructions when she gavethem, amused by the way she tangled her fingers in his hair and directed him towhere she wanted him. Pleasuring her like that was fun but by the time shecame, he was ready to explode. Hebarely managed two thrusts before he came.

He let her snuggle against his side. It wasn’tcuddling. Not really. It was just… They were sweaty and naked and too tired tomove. It was too keep warm.

“Do you think it is alright for us to sleep?”she whispered, rubbing her nose against his shoulder in a teasing way. “What ifsomething happens?”

He glanced at the TV where a host who wasn’tCaesar was busy recapping the day’s events. Caesar’s absence, more thananything, told him they were good for a few hours.

“Don’t get too hopeful, Princess.” he warnedher.

He didn’t believe they had a real shot.

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #prompt #games time #coconuts #coconuts friends

[libraryscarf]

Payback

“Come on. There has to be one person here you wouldn’t mind hanging out with.” Hiyori found herself scanning the milling people for someone tall, with unkempt dark hair, or for anyone in gym clothes, but no one stood out. She told herself the vicious knot in her gut was from excitement, or nerves, or even the quick-acting alcohol in the punch. But it was definitely not disappointment. Definitely, definitely not.

(content warnings for this chapter: sexual harassment; attempted sexual assault)

Chapter 5: The Party ( ao3 / ff.net )

Hiyori, lured from her studies into the living room by the sound of precariously clinking glassware, found Ami removing her collection of comically undersized, decorative vases from the mantelpiece. She was gently folding them in bubble wrap and storing them in boxes filled to the brim with packing peanuts.

“Are you moving out?” was Hiyori’s immediate, panicked question. Ami gave her a look of gentle disappointment.

“Of course not, moron. I’m just protecting my valuables from—” she waved in the general direction of the kitchen, where Yama’s voice wafted to them as she talked rapidly on the phone. “—That.”

Hiyori listened, apprehensive. After a few seconds of eavesdropping, she realized Yama was on the phone with her boyfriend, Abe. She was delivering a volley of instructions to him:

“—so make sure to bring all your frat bros or homies or whatever you call yourselves, because this has to get wild—”

Hiyori looked back at Ami, her eyes round with fear.

“What…what is she talking about?”

Ami shrugged, returning to her vases. “A party, sounds like.”

“When?”

“Dunno. Soon.”

“But why?”

Ami gave her another slightly motherly look of disapproval, and Hiyori immediately experienced the horrifying sensation of having digested her own lungs.

“Me?!”

Ami turned back to the vases and packing peanuts. “You can’t have a birthday and not expect Yama to do something expensive and ridiculous.”

Hiyori groaned, pressing both index fingers against her temples. “But my mom already did something expensive and ridiculous for my birthday. I don’t need this. I don’t want this. I hate this.”

Ami placed the last vase in the box and sealed it shut with an efficient flick of the tape dispenser.

“It might not be so bad,” she said demurely.

“It’s a party,” Hiyori hissed. “A Yama party.”

At that moment, Yama bounced into the room, radiant with energy and the prospect of dozens of overboozed, sweaty coeds descending on their living space within forty-eight hours.

“I heard my name?”

“Hiyori was just telling me how excited she is about the party you’re planning.”

Ami’s betrayal cut deep, but she seemed oblivious to the pained glance Hiyori gave her.

Yama barreled full steam ahead. “One of Abe’s friends is trying to make it as a DJ, so he’s bringing everything he needs to set up tomorrow morning—”

“Tomorrow?!” Hiyori screeched.

“Relax, girl, you don’t have to worry about a thing. Just…maybe lock your bedroom door before things get started. You don’t want to find anything—anyone—uh…unexpected, in there.”

Ami grimaced in distaste. Hiyori didn’t know whether to sit down on the floor and curl up in the fetal position, or run to her bedroom and dive under the covers to hide, shivering, until this ordeal passed.

“How many people?” she whispered, frightened to hear what the answer might be.

Yama began ticking off on her fingers: “It depends on how many of the frat guys actually show up…plus the volleyball team…plus the track team…and Abe said some guys from UOT were interested…”

At this point Hiyori did, in fact, sink to the floor. Her bangs stuck to her clammy forehead. She felt slightly sick. Yama stopped talking and crouched beside her, eyebrows knitting in concern.

“You okay?”

Hiyori peered at her accusingly from under her sweaty hair.

“You invited four hundred people over for my birthday.”

Yama shook her head quickly, her ponytail snapping against her cheeks.

“No, no. Seventy-five, max. Not everyone’s gonna show up, you know.”

Hiyori dragged both hands down her face, pulling her cheeks tight against the bones underneath.

“But whyyy?” she whined. “You know my family throws a fancy dinner for my birthday every year. And you know how much I hate those. Why would you add another layer to what is already a hellish experience for me?”

Yama poked Hiyori’s gaunt cheeks playfully.

“Because a fancy dinner party is nothing like a college party. You need to cut loose, Hiyo. Have fun. Stick your tongue down a stranger’s throat. Dance on a table. Barf on someone’s shoes.”

Hiyori gave a shudder, slapping Yama’s hands away from her face. “No. No thank you.”

Yama straightened up and fixed her ponytail. Just like that, she was all business.

“Well, too late now. The plan is in motion. So prepare yourself for some serious fun, whether you like it or not.”

Hiyori, desperate for an out, looked to her other friend for support. But instead of providing assistance, Ami said:

“Hey, you should invite that guy you’ve been seeing. What’s-his-pizza-name.”

Hiyori’s neck gave a sharp, fatal-sounding snap as she jerked upright.

“Yato,” she said in quiet terror.

Yama inhaled quickly. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “I knew I was forgetting someone! Hiyori, do you want to invite him yourself, or should I leave a note on their mailbox or…?”

She trailed off. Hiyori had scrambled to her feet and was already fleeing to the front door. “I’ll handle it!” she shouted.

The door slammed behind her, and the house shivered. After a beat of silence, her two friends exchanged a lengthy, meaningful glance.

Ami held her hand out, palm-up. Yama, with a sigh of regret, fished twenty dollars out of her pocket and slapped it into Ami’s outstretched palm.

: : :

“You’re going, right?”

Yato upended an almost-empty bag of Doritos into his open mouth, pouring the residual crumbs straight down his throat. He wiped the flecks of chip dust off his lips before answering Yukine.

“Of course I’m going. It’s free food.”

Yukine’s lip curled. “Yeah. I should have figured.”

“You should come,” Yato suggested, tossing the bag aside and falling backwards onto the couch, hands propped behind his head. Yukine sat down next to the coffee table and swept a few escaped Dorito crumbs into his palm.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit irresponsible of you to take your underage roommate to a college party?”

Yato shrugged. “I just thought it might be nice for you to have a life outside of school, studying, and eating my food.”

Yukine bristled at this implication, especially considering the circumstances under which it was uttered. He flung the Dorito crumbs at Yato’s face, which were received with impenetrable nonchalance.

“For your information, asshole, I have plans tomorrow night, which don’t involve your stupid frat party or your stupid fake relationship.”

Yato sat up, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “Plans? With whom?”

Yukine colored. “Nobody important.”

“…A girl?”

“No.”

“A boy?”

The blush ripened on Yukine’s cheeks, spreading nearly up to the tips of his ears.

“It’s none of your business,” he grumbled.

Yato smirked at him for one more second, then collapsed backwards on the couch again.

“Well, have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Yukine hauled himself up from the floor, conspicuously brushing his hands off as he left the room. He didn’t bother with a response. The list of things Yato wouldn’t do, especially when money was involved, was alarmingly short.

Once his roommate left, Yato closed his eyes.

The first image his mind brought to him was, unshockingly, Hiyori.

Yato should have been used to it by now—how her face occupied the inside of his eyelids now more than ever. Whenever she was near him he was distracted by something subtle about her, like the way her hands played with the collar of her shirt when she was talking, or the ribbon-silk strands of hair that escaped from her ponytail and clung to her neck, or the little hiccup that escaped every time she tried to stop herself from laughing. The more time he spent with her: talking to her, thinking about her, feeling her slowly, like perfume, creep into the silences around him, the more he came to understand that this job was—mentally, emotionally, and physically—against his best interests.

Because he was more in love with Hiyori Iki than ever. And it was worse now, because she had become his friend.

“There’s going to be a lot of people there,” she said, her brow furrowing in apprehension.

She had of course visited to ask if he could come to the party, because now that they were fully inhabiting the fiction of their relationship, there was no way he couldn’t come.

“That’s okay.” He flashed her a grin. “I’m good with people.”

Hiyori gave him a doubtful look, and he held up a finger.

“Let’s not forget, I talked about calligraphy with your mom for almost twenty minutes.”

She nodded, slowly. “Yeah. Yeah…I guess you’ll be okay.”

She straightened her spine, then reached up to rub the back of her neck. She blew a long breath out of her nose. Yato was nearly overcome with the intense and completely unacceptable urge to offer her a shoulder massage.

“Everyone’s going to be drunk and dancing anyway, so it’s not like we’ll be under close examination,” she reasoned, oblivious to his internal conflict. “At least, we shouldn’t be.”

“Who’s coming?” he asked, desperate to shift the topic and draw his attention away from the brush of her shoulder against his as they sat on the couch.

“Whoever Yama’s invited. I try not to ask questions.”

“But isn’t this your party?”

Hiyori snorted. “She’s using my birthday as an excuse to throw a rager. I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Well…if it’s for your birthday, shouldn’t you get to at least invite a few of the people you want to be there?”

She opened her mouth, closed it again, and turned very red. Yato, who still couldn’t allow himself to look at her, didn’t notice her sudden color change.

“I mean—in theory—” she stuttered out. Taking a moment to gather her composure, she continued: “I know I give her a hard time about it, but Yama wouldn’t invite anyone I couldn’t stand. I do trust her judgment on that.”

Hiyori paused. “If…well, if you wanted to invite anyone, I’m sure it would be fine,” she said. “Of course, Yukine and Kazuma are welcome to come.”

Yukine, who had been blatantly and unashamedly eavesdropping on the entire conversation from the hallway, dropped a pencil at the sound of his own name. The clatter as it fell to the floor sent him scurrying back to his room like a startled cat. From the kitchen, Yato and Hiyori both heard Kazuma humming along to “Toxic” as he microwaved Cup Noodles to fortify himself for his sixteenth straight hour of online chess.

“Yes,” Yato said lifelessly. “They are both party animals.”

: : :

Someone was hammering on Hiyori’s door.

“Are you comin’?” Yama demanded through the keyhole. “Or are you jus’ gonna stay in there and suck?!”

Hiyori grimaced. She had been procrastinating for twenty minutes already, and there was a very real chance Yama might bash down her bedroom door and yank her downstairs by force. After mentally double-checking that all the valuables in her room were safely pushed under the bed or into drawers, she pulled her fingers against her ponytail, loosening the tie and letting hair fall around her shoulders. It was the only effort she made to appear more festive. There was little, after all, that this party held for her.

Yama pounded on the door again, but the sound was almost drowned out by the music thumping through the floorboards, pulsing against the soles of Hiyori’s feet. Abe’s friend had brought his own massive speakers, and she felt every throb of the powerful bass in her stomach.

“Coming!” Hiyori called back. There was no response. Apparently, Yama had already abandoned her efforts.

As soon as Hiyori opened the door, the noise hit her like a wall of concrete. The bass pumped wildly, layered under a jumpy electropop remix of some radio hit. Almost as soon as she set foot outside her bedroom door, Hiyori had to edge her way past a couple violently making out against the wall.

“‘Scuse me,” she muttered, squeezing around them to head for the stairs.

As she slipped by, Hiyori saw that Yama was one-half of the embracing couple. Well, that certainly explained her silence. It was too dim to see much in the hallway, so Hiyori could only hope that the other participant was her boyfriend.

She made her way to the top of the stairs, hoping desperately that Ami was somewhere nearby to provide a safe haven. However, as Hiyori peered down onto the first floor, she had a hard time seeing much of anything. The lights were low, and it was hard to read anyone’s features from that distance and angle. There was a hum of voices and laughter beneath the music.

Then, something shone among the moving bodies. A long, bright swish of gold moved up the dark stairs toward her. “Hiyori!” said a girl’s voice, and suddenly Hiyori was looking at a familiar—and extremely beautiful—face.

Even though she stood two steps below her on the stairs, Viina still came exactly to Hiyori’s height. She held two plastic cups in front of her, and before she could think to respond, Hiyori found herself accepting one of them.

“Hi,” she said in bewilderment.

“I didn’t know it was your birthday! I felt so bad that I didn’t say anything in lab yesterday. I would have at least done the worksheet for you.”

Viina’s wide, genuine smile sent a rush of warmth through Hiyori’s chest. She answered with a grin of her own.

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t really want to mention it to anyone, but…well…you see how well that worked out.” She made a wide, circular gesture with the hand holding the drink. Viina gave a throaty laugh.

“I did have a feeling this probably wasn’t something you planned.”

Hiyori grimaced, and took a sip of the drink in her hand. It was some sort of punchy cocktail: heavy on the pineapple and light on the liquor. It was really good.

“Is it…safe, down there?” she asked hesitantly. Viina’s eyes darted across her face, then softened in understanding.

“Yes,” she said frankly, and Hiyori sighed in relief.

Viina’s lips twitched. “It’s mostly just loud. I think your DJ is really excited to use that equipment.”

Hiyori squinted toward the corner of the room—the area from which the punishing noise emanated. Through the crowd and the low light, she was just able to make out a tiny figure next to the sound equipment, bobbing excitedly along to the raucous beat.

“Well, at least someone’s having fun,” she said. Viina snorted, then took Hiyori by the elbow, drawing her down the stairs. To Hiyori’s look of questioning surprise, she said playfully:

“Come on. There has to be one person here you wouldn’t mind hanging out with.”

At that, Hiyori found herself scanning the milling people for someone tall, with unkempt dark hair, or for anyone in gym clothes, but no one stood out.

She told herself the vicious knot in her gut was from excitement, or nerves, or even the quick-acting alcohol in the punch. But it was definitely not disappointment. Definitely, definitely not.

She allowed Viina to pull her down the stairs and into the crowd of people, some of whom were no longer faceless. Hiyori caught a glimpse of Ami, who had sequestered herself in the middle of a group of bespectacled undergraduates passionately discussing particle physics over the punch bowl. They passed through the center of the living room, which functioned as a dance floor, where she was shocked to see Ebisu—the star student from last quarter’s economics class—apparently having a dance-off with Takemikazuchi, whom she had only seen a few times in passing, and who always gave the impression of having just gotten away with first-degree murder.

Hiyori was being steered by her lab partner toward a small circle of other girls, none of whom she recognized. They were all similar to Viina in appearance, though none of them were quite so tall, slender, or unbearably gorgeous. Hiyori felt herself shrinking and becoming more average-looking by comparison.

“These are some teammates of mine,” Viina said as the girls turned to look at them. “Kinuha, Tsuyu, and Mayu.”

Hiyori nodded and smiled at each of them, desperately trying to remember what team Viina had said she was on, and whether she would be able to fake her way through a conversation about any sport on the planet.

“H-hi,” she said, her voice lost beneath the wallops of the bass.

The four took stock of her discomfort, and a look of mutual agreement passed between them. With preternatural speed, Hiyori found herself tucked into a safe corner of the room with a fresh drink in her hand and chatting happily with Mayu, who possessed a cornucopia of side-splitting anecdotes. A few minutes into her story about a summer babysitting job, a wandering herd of wild goats, several modest bribes, and a gallon of antifreeze, laughter had driven the anxiety straight from Hiyori’s mind.

She stayed there for a long while, protected from the rest of the party, and only occasionally sinking into brief thoughts of who had not yet arrived.

: : :

Yato was hours late to the party because of only one reason, and that reason was currently pressing his forehead against the window of Hiyori’s house, cupping his hands around his eyes in order to see better.

“Do you think she’s here?” he whispered.

Yato yanked Kazuma back by the collar before someone inside the house could witness his behavior.

“If we go in, maybe you can find her,” he said, trying to mask his rising irritation.

Kazuma looked so stricken at the thought of actually meeting Viina in a casual environment that Yato took pity on him. He took his roommate by the shoulders, giving him a vigorous shake.

“Listen, man. It’ll be fine. Just pretend you’re talking about chemistry or something.”

At the word “chemistry,” Kazuma’s nostrils flared. The look on his face suggested that he was a hair’s breadth from darting into oncoming traffic.

“I don’t know if I can talk to her about…normal things,” he confessed, his voice weak with terror.

Yato let go of his shoulders after a final encouraging shake. “Just ask her to dance. Then you don’t have to talk.”

And he walked inside, leaving Kazuma standing on the welcome mat, looking like a stake had been driven through his heart.

As soon as he was inside, Yato felt the bass pounding in his teeth. The house was full of people he didn’t know, talking to each other, drinking out of plastic cups, laughing with loud, liquor-soaked voices. A claustrophobic crush of people in the next room over suggested that was where dancing might be happening. He scanned the room, hoping to find Hiyori somewhere close. At the very least, he could say hi, put in an obligatory appearance as her partner, and leave before things got hairy.

Yato scooted along the wall, making progress toward the room with the loudest music and the most people. As soon as he eased himself through the door, his eyes fell on the tiny figure bouncing between the enormous speakers in the corner of the room. It was only when he saw the shock of pink curls that his eyes widened with recognition.

As though sensing his presence, Kofuku caught Yato’s gaze. She shrieked, flinging herself through the crowd to crash into his arms.

“Yato!?” she wailed. “I missed yoooouuuu!”

Yato squeezed her back for the barest of seconds, then pushed her off him, holding her at arm’s length. A few people had looked up at the outburst, but their attention was quickly diverted.

Yato took hold of Kofuku’s elbow, pulling her toward the edge of the room and out of the speakers’ blast zone.

“What is this?” With a broad sweep of his arm he encompassed the speakers, mixer, and the party in general. His incredulous question had no dampening effect on Kofuku’s manic enthusiasm.

“I got a job! I got paid $6.50 to be the DJ for this party!”

Yato stared at her, unable to process any part of that statement.

“Do you even know how?”

Kofuku nodded vigorously. “Yep. The guy who paid me showed me the ‘ON’ button and the volume.”

“And he paid you $6.50?”

“Yep!”

Yato didn’t have it in his heart to tell Kofuku that a stranger had given her his pocket change, planted her behind the mixer, and turned on a playlist.

“Hey! Daikoku’s here too!” Kofuku wheeled around, reached into the crowd, and hauled her boyfriend out of nowhere. “Daikoku, look who showed up!” she crowed.

Daikoku, who stood head and shoulders above the rest of the people around them and looked, as usual, more like a hitman than a small business owner, gave Yato a curt nod.

“Hey man,” he grunted.

Yato returned the nod and the grunt, praying to whoever was listening that Daikoku would refrain from mentioning their encounter at the shop. Kofuku would pounce on that like a tiger kitten on a freshly killed gazelle. He cast around for something to talk about.

“Is there food anywhere here?” he asked. Kofuku shrugged. Daikoku pointed toward an open door on their right. Two girls walked through, carrying plastic cups in each hand.

“Not sure about food, but it looks like the drinks are in there.”

The three of them made their way to the door, which opened into a kitchen/dining area that was slightly quieter and better lit than the room they had just left. Even with the crowd, the noise, and the mess, the interior of the house managed to appear luxurious and wealthy. Yato couldn’t help mentally tallying the differences between Hiyori’s living situation and his own, and felt his insides sink.

“Chips!” Kofuku cried, and stuffed half the contents of the bag into her face. She was already vacuuming up the crumbs hiding in the crinkles of the bag by the time Yato and Daikoku had poured themselves drinks.

“You are like a little baby,” Yato said. “Watch this.”

He opened a second bag without looking at the label, tipped back his head, and poured two thirds of it down his throat. After a few seconds of crunching, he gagged, water leaking out of his eyes. He choked again, and a little puff of red powder escaped his mouth. Tears streamed down his face as he swiped at his lips in agony. Kofuku erupted in insane giggles and pointed at the “LAVA HOT GHOST CHILI™” flavor brand stamped broadly across the front of the chip bag.

Daikoku patted Yato on the back as his throat exploded in flames, and a shower of half-chewed Lava Hot Ghost Chili™ chips sprayed onto the floor.

“Gross, dude,” Daikoku said sympathetically.

: : :

The pineapple punch drink was stronger than it tasted. A lovely, bubbling contentment had spread through Hiyori’s limbs as she downed the rest of her cup. She was having such a nice time that she almost managed to forget the one person she invited hadn’t yet arrived.

Almost.

As though she had telepathic access to Hiyori’s thoughts, Yama demanded: “Isn’t your boyyyfrieeend coming?”

She dragged the vowels out for several miles, slinging a strangulating arm around Hiyori’s neck and collapsing against her shoulder. Hiyori swatted at her drunk friend’s face harder than was necessary, her comment having struck a nerve.

“Shut up,” she said. “He’s probably here. Somewhere.”

“Aren’t you gonna go fiiiiind him?”

“No.” Hiyori settled onto the arm of the chair where she was perched, on the outskirts of a conversation between Tsuyu and Viina. “I’m comfy here.”

Yama shrugged. Despite the haze of alcohol, her eyes were narrow and glinting with mischief. “Suit yourself,” she crooned.

Hiyori, irked, suddenly stood up. The floor under her dipped like the deck of a ship, but she caught herself before pitching forward.

“I want another drink,” she announced to the room at large, refusing to look at Yama, who sank, giggling, into her abandoned seat.

Hiyori marched crookedly over to the table with the enormous punch bowl, which was near the door to the kitchen. As she pushed blindly through the crowd, she knocked into someone, hard. The empty plastic cup flew out of her grip, but a hand shot from nowhere to catch it.

“This yours?” said a voice from somewhere slightly above her head. Hiyori blinked wildly as she looked up, wishing the floor would stop rocking.

Standing in front of her and holding her cup, she saw the very last person she wanted to run into at this party.

“Oh god,” she groaned. “Why are you here?”

Fujisaki frowned. “That’s…not exactly the hospitable reception I hoped for. I received an invitation, of course.”

“I doubt that,” Hiyori snapped. She took a step away, trying to strategize a safe exit.

“I really don’t feel like socializing at the moment, so if you’ll just excuse me—”

She snatched her cup away from him, and began to push toward the punch bowl, but Fujisaki took hold of her elbow before she could move very far. She shot him a filthy glare when his hand didn’t immediately retract.

“Here,” he said. He released her elbow, holding his hand up in a placating gesture. “I got this for myself, but you can have it. I’ll get another one.”

His other hand held a plastic cup, identical to her empty one. This one was full of punch. Hiyori hesitated for a second, then grabbed it from him, slopping some of it onto her hand.

“Thanks,” she muttered. She stalked back to the couch, leaving Fujisaki behind in the crowd. She didn’t see the smile that slipped across his mouth like poison.

When she got back to her seat, Yama had vanished. Viina had also left, so Hiyori took her place on the couch next to Tsuyu.

“Someone asked her to dance,” Tsuyu said in explanation. Then she rolled her eyes. “For the twelfth time.”

Hiyori peered into the press of dancing figures in the next room, and saw a flash of bright hair. Shaken from her encounter with Fujisaki, she took a large, fortifying gulp of her drink.

This batch was stronger. A lot stronger. Hiyori winced as a bitter streak of cold fire raced down her throat.

She wasn’t sure if it was annoyance with Fujisaki or the vague cloud of disappointment that had been hanging over her for most of the evening, but she relished the dizzy, insane euphoria that hit her system minutes after the punch did.

“I wan’ dance,” she informed Tsuyu—or thought she did, before turning her head to see that Tsuyu had been lured away. She saw her nearby, talking animatedly to a man who looked far, far too old for the party. Hiyori slowly came to recognize him as her literature professor, Dr. Tenjin.

“Why is he here?” she asked aloud. Her words came out slurred and incomprehensible.

“I think the real question is, why aren’t you dancing?”

The voice above her cut through the fog in Hiyori’s ears. She couldn’t place it at first, but as someone took her hand and pulled her up from the couch, she couldn’t locate her feet and ended up crashing against a tall, solid body.

“Looks like someone’s a lightweight,” said Fujisaki’s voice playfully, still from somewhere above her. Hiyori didn’t immediately associate the voice with the person holding her up.

“Hmm-mm.” She tried to shake her head “no,” but her neck was slow and her head was heavy. The delightful bubbles in her veins had turned to sludge, coursing through her like mud through a drowned river. Through the chest of the person holding her, she felt the vibration of a low chuckle against her cheek.

Her limbs dragged. She was so slow, so sleepy…so heavy, unbearably heavy.

Fujisaki’s voice spoke again, right against her face, so close she could smell his sour breath:

“Why don’t we take you someplace quiet?”

: : :

“Who’re you looking for?”

Kofuku’s quick eyes intercepted Yato’s wandering gaze as he scanned the crowd. He looked back at her with a start, and brought his cup to his lips to hide the guilty twitch of his mouth, which still burned from the Lava Hot Ghost Chili™ dust.

“No one,” he said guiltily.

Kofuku pursed her lips and crinkled her eyebrows. Her expression, which always lent itself so readily to mischief, became positively alarming as she stared him down and waited for the truth. Yato broke.

“I was invited by someone,” he admitted. “I’m looking for her.”

Kofuku squealed. She wrapped herself around his arm, starving for more details. “Oooooohhh, who?!?”

“You don’t know her.”

“I might!”

“You definitely don—”

Yato broke off suddenly, because he had seen something.

What he saw was this: Kouto Fujisaki standing on the other side of the room, his wolfish gaze trained on Yato. He had one arm wrapped around the waist of a girl who slumped against him, her head lolling on his shoulder. Yato’s eyes passed over Fujisaki to the girl, who looked half-asleep. Even from where Yato stood, across the loud, pulsing room, her posture and attitude radiated terrifying vulnerability.

The blood drained from Yato’s face so quickly that he felt dizzy.

The girl was Hiyori.

He looked at Fujisaki. As soon as their eyes met, Fujisaki’s hand dropped low on Hiyori’s hip and he licked his thin lips, winking at Yato in lewd victory. His hand crept lower. Yato looked back at Hiyori: at her vacant eyes, her drooping head. For a second, it looked like she was trying to push against Fujisaki, trying to dislodge the arm snaking around her.

The noise of the party dropped away, replaced by a dull, aching buzz that originated somewhere in his sinuses.

Then, the room went red.

#scarfwrites #noragamibigbang2k18 #yatori #yatori fanfiction #noragami #noragami fanfiction

[tobiologist]

swipe right (if you like me)

Keith/Lance // met on tinder!au // 7.8k+ // sfw // part 2/?

Summary: "I’m doin’ it. Lance giggles under his breath and drags the cat meme picture to the right side of his screen.

But this, friends, is why one shouldn’t tempt fate over Tinder.“

or: Lance finds the most unlikely match on Tinder and (might) gain a boyfriend in the process

Keith

He could strangle Pidge for making him download this stupid app.

It makes absolutely no sense. People rattle off a sentence or two about themselves and hope to lure others in with similar interests, shitty jokes, or a pretty face. Potentially all of the above. Keith doesn’t have the lowest self-esteem in the world, but his ego certainly isn’t in the best shape. When it comes to any of the usual Tinder criteria, he feels like an outlier.

Keith has no desire to hook up with strangers.

>> READ THE REST ON AO3 <<

No, Keith enjoys the idea of sex more than the actual act itself. His hypothetical ‘cherry’ still has yet to be popped, in most senses of the word. He kissed a couple classmates back in high school, girls and guys alike, but nothing more. He’s never seen it as a big deal. Really, Keith could care less about whether he’s getting laid.

School is his top priority at the moment and has been since his sophomore year of high school. Once he can start designing aircrafts, working on spaceships with his own two hands, it won’t be an issue anymore. But until then, he has to stay focused—keep his eyes on the prize.

So, he doesn’t go out of his way to get into the dating scene. It’s downright exhausting, and Keith is just as happy to go through college with a couple friends and a sometimes-nosy-yet-fantastically-compassionate brother. A boyfriend would just cause unnecessary trouble.

Of course…

Things changed a bit when he took an interest in Lance. But it was just that, okay? An interest.

It was hard to ignore the loudest person in every lecture hall. Sure, he quieted down once class started but, before the professor walked in, he chatted with anyone in the general vicinity willing to listen. In the beginning, Lance’s enthusiasm annoyed the absolute shit out of Keith. The guy talked your ear off, whether you wanted him to or not.

But, as time went on, Keith realized most classmates enjoyed Lance’s crazy rants. They were off-the-wall, no doubt about it, but they were interesting. Keith learned they were more like conspiracy theories than rants, which… well. That may be the real root of the problem; Keith lives for conspiracy theories.

That’s what first captured his attention. Lance never engaged Keith directly, but he had no qualms with eavesdropping on Lance’s conversations with other classmates. And, once he took notice of Lance, he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

The jerk was amazing. He spoke, moved, breathed as if he were born to tell ridiculous stories and persuade people. He’d be talking to someone and, surely enough, more students would hop into the discussion with their own input. Keith refused to partake—mostly because the thought of embarrassing himself in front of Lance and showing any sort of weakness sickened him—and sat quietly.

Listening.

Lance filled the silence with outrageous stories and theories, ‘fun facts’ and ‘words of wisdom.’ Keith wished, more than anything, he could’ve clamped his hands over his ears and forced himself to tune it out. It was no use, though. It was too late.

Keith liked listening to Lance.

His excitement and passion for what he loved, the timbre and inflection of his voice, every detail sucked Keith in. He’d rather be struck dead than acknowledge it out loud, but he might have developed the slightest bit of a crush on Lance.

Even when tests were passed back and Lance flashed him a look of pure hatred, Keith couldn’t bring himself to dislike the guy. Although Lance never confronted him face-to-face, he had heard about their ‘rivalry’ from Pidge countless times.  And—maybe he’s fucked up in the head—but the very idea of a competition between him and Lance stoked a fire deep in the pit of his gut.

It was absolutely thrilling.

Keith found himself working even harder in class. Of course, he also got distracted more often, what with his gaze drifting to a certain seat, usually a row over, whenever there was a lull in the professor’s lecture. He enjoyed hearing Lance speak, enjoyed listening to the way he regarded the universe as something special, something vast and begging to be explored—

Yeah, Keith had a pretty good feeling he had a crush.

But that didn’t give Pidge any reason to set up a Tinder profile for him. It’s a total trainwreck of a profile, in his opinion. The pictures are… okay, granted, the only picture he wishes she hadn’t included is the knife cat meme.

(Not that he’ll admit that to Pidge.)

So, the pictures—he doesn’t have a big issue with them. It’s the bio he really wants her to change.

He’s stared at those same two lines of text on multiple occasions and still can’t come up with anything else to include. How does someone even decide what to put in a Tinder bio? Most people are there for hookups anyway so what does it matter?

Keith hardly uses his own account. Pidge and—horrifyingly enough—Shiro do most of the swiping for him.

Tonight, however, Keith is bored.

He glances over at the small stack of textbooks propped against his leg. Fuck. In theory, he could work on an assignment instead of putting things off another day. But he wants to make the most of his free time before he confronts the metric fuckton of schoolwork headed his way.

Keith props his feet up on the table and sinks deeper into the couch. Shiro won’t be home tonight so he has the entire apartment to himself. It isn’t all that uncommon for Shiro to spend the night at Matt’s place or, occasionally, Allura’s. But this early on in the semester, when Keith hardly has any homework—he can’t pass the opportunity up.

For the first couple hours, he watches Westworld. When he catches himself drifting off, he disconnects his laptop from the television and reaches for his phone. It’s only 11 o’clock, which is way earlier than he ever goes to bed.

“What the hell do I do now?” Keith asks the empty apartment. Predictably, no one answers him.

Keith groans and tips his head back, fixing his eyes on the ceiling fan overhead. It turns at a leisurely pace, just fast enough to keep him from feeling uncomfortably warm. He tracks the movement of the blades and lets his mind wander.

He could always text Pidge and ask if—dammit. She’s over at another friend’s place tonight. Hunk? Keith is almost positive that’s the guy’s name. And his roommate… Keith swears he knows the roommate, too.

Suddenly, it hits him. He does know the roommate.

“Of course that’s who it is,” Keith mumbles. Because Hunk lives with the same guy Keith has been silently creeping on for the last year or so. Yes, of all the people Hunk could live with, it’s Lance. Fucking aerospace engineering Lance. Who just so happens to also be friends with Pidge.

Keith’s plan to text Pidge is shot down in an instant. Although it does give him an idea.

A totally fucked and uncharacteristic idea, but, again, Keith is bored.

Cautiously, Keith unlocks his phone. His eyes flit across the screen, from app to app, until he spots the one he’s looking for. An app, mind you, he’s only opened and used a handful of times since downloading it. Which Pidge had done two months ago.

There’s a small circle in the center of the screen with his bike picture. Red concentric circles start there and spread outwards, while a message displays underneath. “Finding people near you…” it says. Keith almost wishes it wouldn’t.

Eventually, a profile appears. The guy looks vaguely familiar. Shoulder-length blond hair frames his round face, green eyes glinting promisingly. His pictures show him standing in front of easels—his own art, most likely—or surrounded by friends.

Keith is about to swipe the picture to the right when he realizes he doesn’t remember which way to swipe for people he likes.

“Idiot.” He settles for clicking the little green heart at the bottom of the profile.

Tinder has the decency to remind him which direction to swipe, depending on whether he’s interested in the person or not, and Keith sighs a quiet sigh of relief. He was right about the directions after all. Fantastic.

He goes through about fifteen more profiles—most of which he swipes left on because, wow, there are a lot of fuckboys at their university—before he comes across another familiar face.

But this familiarity hits Keith like a punch to the gut.

“What?” he cries, voice echoing off the thin walls of their living room. “No, no, no.”

There’s no mistaking the flawless skin and golden brown hair, begging to be ruffled. The wicked smirk and dangerous glimmer in his eyes, drawing attention to himself in every picture Keith scrolls across. In one, he wears a baby blue t-shirt with the word “peachy” screened across the front. Keith is almost positive he has class with the guy standing to Lance’s left—maybe that’s Hunk?—while Pidge stands proudly on the other side with an arm around Lance’s waist. The party pictures are easy to spot, considering the large groups of people, as well as the wide array of nonsensical stuff Lance chooses to wear, like a bra made from two red solo cups and beer box over his head.

Just like the Lance that Keith has come to know from class, the Lance in each picture has a certain charm Keith can’t even begin to explain. Even with the plastic cup bra pulled tight over his white crop top.

Just swipe left, he silently urges himself. Nothing good would come out of swiping right. Of course, the chances of Lance finding him attractive enough to want to match with—or the chances of him recognizing Keith and trying to match as a joke—are awfully low.

Keith looks off to the side and then back at Lance’s last picture. He’s at a museum, standing alongside an SR-71 Blackbird, sleek and beautiful. He seems absolutely ecstatic to be there and, for some strange and horrifying reason, Keith is reminded of his father, the man who preferred spending his days rocketing through the sky then down on the ground.

His hands move of their own accord and—

The phone nearly falls out of his hands, and Keith is sure his neighbors must hate him for the noise that comes bursting out of his mouth. Fingers quivering, he stares at the screen, dumbstruck.

“It’s a match!”

No, it can’t be, he wants to tell the stupid app. That’s impossible You’re wrong. He can’t even imagine Lance wanting to swipe right on a social pariah like him. Keith Kogane, the hotheaded and cocksure student who’s always questioning his professors and authority figures. The boy who hates loud and crowded places, like parties or clubs, and finds it difficult to make new friends. He’s the antithesis of everything Lance stands for so why… what the hell could’ve possibly influenced Lance to swipe right?

Keith shakes his head and sets the phone on the table, just of reach.

He’ll watch more Westworld, that’s what he’ll do. After the recent plot twist, he has to watch more and see how events unfold. And avoid thinking of Lance or the fact they matched on Tinder.

Everything is perfectly fine.

But, after one episode, Keith can’t stay away. “Fucking idiot,” he growls at himself and snags his phone off the table. To his horror, he has a message waiting for him. Lance sent you a new message!

“The fuck he has,” Keith exclaims, voice cracking unpleasantly somewhere in the middle of his outburst. Tentatively, he unlocks the screen and presses the notification.

is your mom an alien? because dat ass is out of this world

Keith doesn’t care how cute this asshole’s smile is; he wants to punch him. But the comment is so fucking… cringey that Keith can’t help but let out a short laugh. And the messages don’t stop there. He only has to wait a few minutes for the next couple.

the aliens made me swipe right

hey baby wanna take a ride in my flying saucer?

Keith is definitely laughing now. He’s finding it hard to believe Lance thinks any of this garbage will work. How the fuck could someone as smooth as Lance score hookups with lines like this? Not that Keith has any idea whether Lance hooks up with people he meets on Tinder. It’s just a hunch, alright? A totally unbiased hunch that has nothing to deal with how obnoxiously adorable he finds Lance’s face and quirky fashion sense.  

He deliberates locking his phone, possibly turning it off for the rest of the night to avoid this nonsense Lance calls “flirting,” when the last message arrives.

well you seem cool as fuck

A rush of tingling warmth spreads through Keith’s body. He reads the message again, just to be sure he didn’t imagine it, but it’s real. The social butterfly he’s been dying to talk to for months just told Keith he thought he was cool. Him. Keith.

“Me? Cool?” Keith’s thumb hovers over the blank message bar.

He’s never had anyone say that to him before. ‘Freak’ is one he heard often back in elementary school. And, as he grew older and recognized his sexuality, there were a slew of other insults. Compliments were few and far between, unless they were teachers praising his grades and intellect. Which never lasted long. Once he snapped and turned on a classmate for insulting his family, the teachers went back to giving him a wide berth and avoiding him like the plague.

Keith catches his reflection in the television screen. He speaks again, enjoying the taste of the word in his mouth. “Cool.”

His entire body feels warm, pleasantly so, down to the tips of his toes and fingers.

As planned, Keith turns off his phone for the rest of the night. But he vows to at least say something to Lance the next day in class.

 Lance

-present day-

Phase 1 doesn’t go as well as planned.

The first time Lance asks Keith out, he’s met with obliviousness. Because of course life would be too easy if Keith understood the situation right off the bat. No, the universe has to spice things up a bit for Lance.

Lance heaves a sigh, back propped up against the wall. His laptop whirrs softly, a warm presence on the top of his thighs but not nearly as warm as Keith’s presence beside him. The bed is actually quite small. It used to be problematic whenever Lance had someone spend the night, but, ever since he and Keith started hanging out, there’s only been one guest in his room, other than the occasional Hunk.  

He’s been drowning in thoughts of their ‘rivalry’ for the better part of the day, and, for the life of him, Lance can’t remember how it even started. “I’m such an idiot,” he mutters, seemingly out of the blue.

“No comment,” Keith deadpans, blinking at the laptop screen.

“You’re not supposed to agree with me on that one, dude. But, uh. Yeah, I kind of feel like one right now.”

“Why?”

“Because this ‘rivalry’”—he motions between the two of them—“has been going on since, like, freshman year, and I’m finally starting to ask myself what happened to kick it off.”

“I mean, wasn’t it an issue over grades or something? Every time we got a test back in class, I noticed you glaring daggers at me.”

Lance wishes, more than anything, he could shoot that excuse down. But alas…

“No, nope. That’s not it. Way too petty. I never would start a legendary ‘rivalry’ over something dumb like that.”

“Pidge told me you said ‘I won’t rest until I outscore that stupid hotshot,’” Keith recalls drily. “I would assume I’m the ‘stupid hotshot.’”

Did I really call Keith stupid? He knows he never would’ve meant it seriously, regardless of his competitive nature. “I was just joking!”

“The way Pidge told the story, it didn’t seem that way. You used to shoot me dirty looks in class so I wouldn’t be too surprised.” Keith tries to put a few extra inches of space between them and—Lance panics.

“You’re not stupid at all!”

“You sure about that?” Keith’s voice drips with skepticism.

“Positive! Okay, just— just hear me out.” Lance maintains the space between them, worried he may spook poor Keith. “But you can’t laugh at me or anything.”

“You didn’t laugh when I told you about the alien thing so” —Keith shrugs and continues, albeit grudgingly—”I’m not a dickhead. Go ahead.”

“Alright, well, I was jealous.” There you go, Lance, just bite the bullet.

Keith’s nose scrunches up. “Jealous?”

“Yeah, I was jealous. Because you always got good grades and acted like it was no big deal. I slaved over my assignments, but I was lucky to get a B on anything I turned in. Pick a class, any class. You were always way ahead of me.”

Keith pales, like he’s just seen a ghost or run into the Demogorgon from Stranger Things.  

“Um. Oh,” Keith eventually stutters out.

Lance quickly snaps his mouth shut. He definitely said too much. Keith would want nothing to do with him after a selfish excuse like that, and Lance wouldn’t blame him.  “I’m sorry, I... It sounds pretty messed up, when I put it like that, huh?“

And then Lance remembers.

The plot. Hunk and Pidge’s brilliant plot to get Keith and Lance together. It may not be the perfect moment to ask, but it’s not the worst either. They’re talking about grades, right? And what does someone have to do to maintain their grades? Study.

Which—drum roll, please—gives Lance an opening. He could totally ask Keith out on a study date. Lance pictures how the whole conversation will go down in his head and barely quells his desire to preen like a proud peacock.

“Here, I have an idea. To make it up to you.” Lance carefully flips his laptop shut. To his credit, Keith makes eye contact instead of staring intensely at a random spot on the wall, like he had been doing. “How about we study together?”

“I don’t study well in groups.”

Holy mother of-

“I promise to behave myself,” Lance insists, fluttering his lashes. “I’ll stay on task the whole time.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about…”

“What are you worried about then? Is it the whole ‘memories getting trapped in your mullet’ thing? Because—“

“No, Lance.”

“Is it… because you hate me?”

Lance doesn’t know why he says it, but immediately regrets doing so when Keith’s expression twists into one of pure fear. “I don’t hate you.”

“Then what is it?”

“I… I’m worried I won’t be able to focus.”

Pieces of the puzzle slot clumsily together in Lance’s brain; they aren’t quite meshing together, though.  

“I told you, I’ll only ask relevant questions. No sidetracking, no gossip. I swear on my model aircraft collection that I’ll be the best study buddy you could ask for.”

Keith snort-laughs. “I know that.”

“Then why?”

“It’s just that…“

“Hm?”

“I, uh, you see…”

“Keith, dude, seriously—“

“It doesn’t matter if you sit quietly and read the fucking Dictionary to yourself, Lance, I’ll still be distracted by you!”

Lance is totally unprepared for the surge of emotions. The words turn over in his head, faster and faster, and Lance starts to gain a loose grasp on what Keith is saying. Is he… is he saying he would be too busy watching me?

There’s no way—absolutely no way. But it’s the most viable explanation. Either the slightest noise disturbs Keith or he’s concerned Lance’s very existence will serve as a distraction.

“Just to be sure I’m not going crazy here,” Lance starts, hesitantly, “are you implying that you’ll be too busy ogling the goods to focus on studying?”

And now Lance is getting shoved. Not enough to send him toppling off the bed but enough that it smarts a little where Keith jabbed him. Curious, he glances up and— Keith, the poor dude, bears an uncanny resemblance to a tomato. Lance can practically see the smoke pouring out of his ears.

“Shut up,” Keith growls. The laptop tips precariously to one side, and Keith steadies it. “Forget I said anything. Let’s just—get back to the movie? It’s been so long since I last watched it.”

Keith has a point. It’s been ages since Lance watched The Last Starfighter. He fell in love with the film the very first time he watched it, sitting in his family room with his younger siblings crowded around him. As a young boy, he’d spent hours searching through his father’s expansive sci-fi collection, watching more movies and televisions shows than he’d care to admit.

When rumors were being spread around the engineering department about the prodigal new student and pilot, Lance couldn’t help but be reminded of Alex Rogan. The kid never expected to be put behind the controls of an actual spaceship, but he was born with the skill necessary to do so. Rewatching the film, Lance can’t help but imagine Keith in a similar scenario.

He’d totally be the kind of guy capable of saving the world.

In reality, as Lance grew older, he developed a bit of a celebrity crush on the young Lance Guest. Bonus points went to the guy for having the same first name as Lance. And, okay, he wasn’t as cute as young Harrison Ford, but he was still pretty high on Lance’s list of ‘Sci-Fi Actors I Would Climb Like A Tree.

“Yeah… yeah, okay,” Lance concedes. He pulls the laptop over until it sits comfortably between them again, half resting in each of their laps. “You’re lucky I love this movie, or I’d ask your stubborn ass more questions.”

Keith merely sighs and flips the laptop back open, reaching out to press the spacebar. The movie resumes, and Lance is left with his thoughts, torn between gushing over space dogfights or devising new plans to ask the most oblivious person in the fucking world out on a date.

--

Lance

“I can’t believe that didn’t work,” Hunk grumbles, adjusting his protractor before sketching another line.

Lance sits in the floor of their living room, an open textbook in his lap. Like a cat, Pidge lies stretched out on the couch. She fits perfectly, whereas Lance and Hunk both have to tuck their legs or prop them on the armrest when in her place. Fingers flying across the keyboard, she pays little to no mind to Hunk and Lance’s discussion.

“Are you kidding? It’s Keith.”

Or not.

Lance groans. He’s recounted the whole story of his failed attempt twice now. Between homework problems, Hunk tries taking the situation apart, piece by piece, in search of Lance’s mistake. Pidge butts in with a comment every now and then.

“I know, but still,” Hunk huffs, “That idea seemed pretty foolproof to me. Kudos to you, by the way, dude.”

“Thanks,” Lance mumbles half-heartedly.

“You have to be straightforward with Keith. Otherwise, he thinks he’s imagining things. Or that you’re trying to trick him.”

“Paranoid, much?” Lance flips the page of his textbook, staring aimlessly at the pictured airfoil. “How would I trick him with a study date? Feed him the wrong answers? That’s fucked up, rivals or not.”

Hunk curses under his breath, and the distinct sound of an eraser, pressed hard against paper, fills the apartment. “You ruined my mechanism sketch, dude.”

Lance shoots him a classic ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look. But Hunk merely nods. “Spouting that garbage. You and Keith never really were rivals in the first place, but you’re definitely not now. You’re friends, at least. More than friends, if things go your way…”

“Anyway,” Pidge drawls, “I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to study together. He comes over to our place sometimes to work on stuff. Says it’s quieter than his place when Shiro invites Allura and Matt for dinner.”

So… Lance might not have told Hunk and Pidge the entire story. The last bit of their talk—when Keith revealed he wouldn’t be able to focus with Lance in the room—remains a closely guarded secret. It’s  definitely better that way. If anything, Pidge would tease poor Keith and, well, Keith would punch Lance in the dick for sharing something so personal.

Lance would deserve it, of course. No question there.

“Not a clue. Maybe he thinks he’s too good to study with his ri—“ Hunk tosses his eraser at Lance. The worn, white block smacks into his cheek, and Lance squeaks. “Hey!”

“Chances are, he’s too shy,” Hunk explains, fixing Lance with a frustrated grimace. “You should know by now that Keith isn’t an academic prude or anything. I’m sure he has his reasons.”

Oh, he has his reasons alright.

“Yeah, he can be pretty, uh, eccentric sometimes. He obviously likes spending time with you, though, so I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it,” Pidge adds, tone matter-of-fact.

Other than his own brother, Pidge is Keith’s closest friend. They bonded their junior year of high school over conspiracy theories and alien abduction, if Lance remembers correctly. Shiro and Matt were already close friends at the time so the two older brothers were encouraging them to get to know each other better. According to Pidge, she’d been a little reluctant at first. Keith was quiet and sometimes snapped at complete strangers. But, the more time they spent together, the closer they became.

Now that Lance knew Keith better, he could see why their personalities meshed so well. In the past, he’d wracked his brain for reasons why the two got along and always came up with zilch, nada. Not anymore.

As Keith’s closest companion, Pidge knows nearly as much as Shiro. Enough for her to judge whether Keith actually likes Lance or simply tolerates him for the sake of keeping up appearances. He obviously likes spending time with you, she says.

“So, what should I try next?” Lance prompts. It’s a welcome diversion from his homework. And, well, he really doesn’t know where to proceed from here when it comes to Keith. “Do I try asking him out again?”

“Maybe?”

“Or—or, you could always ask him how he feels about dating,” Hunk suggests. “Not you specifically but, like… dating in general? Maybe that’ll get him to share some valuable information. If he’s interested in dating anyone right now, if he has any crazy exes, if he’s already talking to someone.”

Ugh. The last suggestion leaves Lance feeling queasy. Keith wouldn’t have someone special like that in his life and not tell Lance… right?

“Eh, I guess.” Lance smooths his fingers over the lines of text on the page. “That could work. You really are a genius, buddy.”

Hunk grins, wide and genuine, and pats Lance soundly on the back. “There he is, Sir Lancelot.”

“Defender of the universe!” Lance doesn’t even shut his book before he stands, placing his hands on his hips. If only he had a cape. “The resident sharpshooter, the tailor himself!”

Pidge objects loudly from her place on the couch. “Hunk, no, why do you encourage him?”

The two go back and forth—making judgments on which nicknames should stay and which have to go—but Lance is only half-listening. The man of action has a new plan of action now.

The next step in Phase I will now commence.

--

Keith

This is weird.

Actually, ‘weird’ doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t encompass the full magnitude of ‘what the fuck is happening’ Keith experiences when he’s around Lance. Emotional vertigo, to be honest.

Let’s just say Keith hasn’t mentioned the real reason he matched with Lance on Tinder— to anyone. No, it wasn’t Pidge who made the decision. Keith’s very own finger swiped Lance’s profile to the right. Completely sober, completely in control of his actions, Keith had been the one to kick himself in the ass and shoot for a match.

And it’s only progressively gotten worse now that Lance pays attention to him.

“You certainly seem like you’re in a good mood,” Shiro calls out from the kitchen. Past experience tells Keith the remark is supposed to sound offhanded; it doesn’t.

Keith glances up from his textbook, brows raised. “Really?”

“Well, you seem to be smiling more often.” Shiro’s lips pull up into a soft smile of his own. “It’s nice, seeing you happy.”

“I don’t… feel any different.”

“I’m used to you bursting through the door, full of complaints. Usually about that boy in most of your courses. Oh, what’s his name…”

Shiro is so full of shit. Keith groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes falling shut. “Lance. His name is Lance.”

“Yes, that’s the one! But you two seem to be getting along a lot better now. Is that right?”

“You’ve been talking to Matt… haven’t you?”

Keith watches, just to catch the guilty expression on Shiro’s face and catalogue it for later. “Uh, well. We had lunch the other day, and he—he might’ve brought it up.”

“And what’s ‘it’?”

“Your friendship with Lance! He says the two of you started sitting next to each other in his aerospace structures class.” Shiro fiddles with a couple spoons as he pulls them from the dishwasher. “He also mentioned that… it almost seemed like flirting to hi—“

“No, no,” Keith quickly interjects. “Definitely not. Lance and I are friends now. So we talk? Nothing weird about that, right?”

Shiro turns to fully face Keith. He leans back against the kitchen counter. The scar along the bridge of his nose is far more noticeable when he’s like this, gaze fixed intently on Keith, forehead creasing just the slightest bit. Keith has grown over the years, but Shiro still has a few inches on him. Plus, he works out consistently and has the stocky, solid build to show for it. It doesn’t take long for him to switch from ‘sweet older brother’ mode to ‘intimidating father figure’ mode.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve discussed Lance in the past few weeks. You’ve started hanging out with Pidge and ‘her friends’ on the weekends. I know that Lance is one of those friends.” Shiro narrows his eyes. “I also know how fidgety you were the first time you came home, after hanging out with them. Fidgety but also… kind of… giddy?”

“Giddy?” Keith feels his cheeks start to pink. God, he hates when Shiro does this to him. “That’s the word you’re going with?”

“I can’t think of a more appropriate one,” Shiro laughs. “You could barely sit still and kept checking your phone. Especially with the way you were acting the night before… I was suspicious.”

Shit. Keith had really hoped Shiro hadn’t noticed his odd behavior the night he matched with Lance. The night. The cursed night.

“Like I said, we’re just friends,” Keith stresses again. He knows it won’t be the last time he has to tell Shiro. “He’s a huge pain in the ass, but he’s also a nice guy. That’s the only reason I’ve probably seemed happy. Or whatever.”

“Or whatever…” Shiro whispers the words under his breath, but Keith hears him. He turns and strides over to where his briefcase sits, propped against the table. “Anyway, I have to get to work. These homework assignments need graded, and I haven’t had a chance to hand them off to the TA yet.”

“Yeah, alright. Is it just going to be you tonight for dinner? Or are Allura and Matt coming?”

Shiro chuckles faintly, shaking his head. He fixes the lapels of his shirt and adjusts his tie. Keith is eternally grateful he doesn’t have Shiro as a professor. Not only has he seen the sort of homework he hands out, but he’s the kind of person who would love calling on his “genius little brother” for questions during class.

“Just me.” Shiro finishes inspecting his outfit in the mirror and makes for the door. “I’ll probably be busy, though, so I may bring back Chinese takeout. If that’s okay?”

Keith shrugs. “I don’t mind. You’re the one who likes to cook.”

Translation: Keith is not the world’s best chef.

Shiro flashes a fond smile in his direction before stepping out the door. A rush of cool air filters into the room, and Keith shivers. He’s not looking forward to going out in this weather. Plus, the bus will be packed with the usual crowd plus people who normally walk to campus.

Keith can only hope this isn’t foreshadowing for how the day will go

--

Lance

This will work—this has to work.

His second attempt? Yeah, as expected, that went to shit. The two of them had been sitting in the library, eating lunch, when Lance decided to bring it up.

“So,” he’d drawled, amidst chewing. “You wanna go to the arcade tomorrow?”

“Uh, sure. Is Pidge going?”

Lance almost choked on his sandwich. “I don’t… know? Why?”

“You better make sure you invite her. She’s been dying to go,” Keith says, motioning at Lance with a carrot before crunching into it. “I promised I wouldn’t go without her.”

Of course, Lance had thought about begging Pidge to lie and pretend she had plans. But there were too many loopholes, and Lance would feel bad about robbing Pidge of her opportunity to ‘destroy noobs’ and scrape up some decent cash in the process.

So, back to square one.

A couple days later, Lance settled on a different approach. And his third attempt? You guessed it—also a real bummer. He took yet another L.

“Hey, you wanna go to the movies this weekend?” Lance prompted. He and Keith were walking down to the bus stop, swaddled in thick layers of clothing. “Like, maybe Friday?”

Keith let out a noncommittal noise. It was barely audible past the scarf around his neck. “What movie?”

“I’m not sure… anything you’re interested in seeing?”

“Eh, not really.” Keith paused for a moment before continuing. Lance buried his gloved hands deeper in his pockets. “To be honest, I’d rather just watch something at your place.”

Normally, Lance would’ve danced and cheered because, hell yeah, watching a movie all alone with Keith. But not this particular weekend. Because Shay was staying over and the awkward atmosphere would kill any chance of Lance making a Move.

The initial three attempts in ‘Operation: Woo Keith’ were unsuccessful. Not much of a surprise there. But this idea? His latest idea? Fourth time’s the charm.

Lance scribbled the plan down yesterday, during a break between classes. The chairs in the engineering lounge were crazy comfortable and, curled up in his personal favorite of the bunch, Lance outlined his idea on a scrap piece of paper. Finished, he’d tucked it in his backpack to carry out the following day, when he would have class with Keith.

In a bit of a rush, Lance scrambles to put his lunch together. He spent a decent amount of money on drinks for their last party and needs to pinch pennies for the next few days. Sliding the fridge door open, he reaches for the blueberries.

And, with his fantastic luck, drops the container.

The blueberries roll everywhere—under the fridge, behind the trashcan, managing to even reach the couch. Lance screeches and bends to pick a couple up.

“What are you—oh my God, the fruit killer strikes again!” Hunk freezes just next to the counter. A baggy orange shirt stops just above his knees, hair sticking up at weird angles on top of his head.

“I’m not the fruit killer!”

“Yeah, tell that to the pineapple you sacrificed last week. And the countless other victims in the past!”

Lance scrapes up as many blueberries as he can and dumps them in the trash. He needs to leave soon or he’ll be late for his usual shuttle. And if he’s late to catch the shuttle, he’ll be late to class.

Which means—yep, that’s right. He’ll have to wait to talk to Keith.

Now, that doesn’t completely spoil his brilliant plan. But it deviates from it enough to make Lance anxious. That’s what will throw things off. Because once uncertainty comes into play, Lance freaks out and has been known to sabotage himself.

“The fruit killer has to hurry the fuck up,” Lance says, jamming notebooks and a binder into his bag. He snags the lunch he somehow managed to throw together. “Or he may screw himself over.”

Hunk stops, a few blueberries cradled in his open palms. “This is your last chance to ask him or we’ll have to fix things and reschedule.”

“I know, I know. It’ll all work out, okay?”

Lance is out the door before Hunk can say anything more.

--

Keith

Tap, tap.

Keith glances down at his phone, pressing his thumb lightly over the home key. 8:58 AM.

Tap, tap.

Lance is hardly ever late to class. As a matter of fact, he usually beats Keith there.

Tap, tap, tap.

Keith squeezes the pen in his hand. He’s almost positive the guy he used to sit next to is glaring at him. Obviously he doesn’t appreciate Keith tapping his pen on the edge of his desk. Calm the fuck down.

This isn’t the kind of class you’d want to be late to either. The professor has a strict attendance policy and doesn’t take kindly to people walking in late. There have been a few students who walked in ten minutes late and were ‘politely’ asked to leave. Not that Keith thinks Lance will be that late.

Just as he’s about to text Lance and beg him to get his ass to class, the man of the hour comes crashing into his usual seat.

“Dude—“

“Yeah, I might’ve sacrificed some blueberries to get here on time.”

Keith blinks at Lance, watching as he quickly digs through his backpack. He tugs the desk over his lap and slaps down his notebook. “At least you spared the pineapple this time,” Keith points out.

“You and your love of pineapple.” Lance clicks his pen and turns to the next blank sheet. He pauses, eyes flitting to Keith. “Did you just make a joke?”

Bastard. He can feel the heat creeping across his cheeks, the bridge of his nose. “Professor Coran is going to walk through that door any second now and bitch at you for talking and interrupting class.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll ignore the fact that super serious Keith Kogane, envy of all mullets, cracked a joke.” Lance throws Keith a wink. He can practically feel his insides turning to mush. “Also, I know I probably don’t have to ask at this point but, uh. You wanna come to our party tonight?”

“Oh, it’s tonight?”

“Yeah, but that’s not a problem, right?” There’s a hint of desperation in Lance’s tone that piques Keith’s curiosity.

“No, no. It’s not. I’m just used to them being on Saturday’s.”

“Yep,” Lance answers with a nod, “Just come over at eight. A little early so you don’t have to deal with the rush of people.”

Keith cocks his head to the side. There’s something strange about Lance’s demeanor. He almost sounds… nervous. Which makes no sense whatsoever. This certainly isn’t the first time he’s invited Keith. More like the fourth time—not that Keith’s keeping track or anything.

“Are you okay?” Keith is momentarily distracted by Lance’s fingers, fiddling with the cover of his notebook. “You seem more… jittery than usual.”

“Totally fine, dude,” Lance answers, “just trying to calm myself down after sprinting here from the bus stop.”

If not for Coran charging through the door like a man on a mission, thick pile of papers crammed under his arm, Keith would’ve interrogated Lance further. But he knew better than to open his mouth once their professor entered the picture. The man would definitely call Keith out. He may spare Lance, but Keith… yeah, maybe he deserved to be called out.

“Alright, class, how is everyone this fine morning?” A collective groan fills the room, and Coran scoffs. “Now, now, it’s lovely outside! This weather reminds me of the time I spent up North. I bet this is what it’s like to live on Europa, hm? “

Coran has a reputation for his bizarre anecdotes, random sound effects, and mild obsession with space and alien life. At the mention of Europa, Keith can already tell today is going to be an entertaining lecture.

“Anyway,” Coran singsongs, claiming his usual place at the front of the room. “Today we’re going to discuss the dihedral effect and how we model…”

Keith sighs and writes the date in the top left-hand corner of the page. For the rest of the lecture, he blocks out his surroundings and focuses on the strings of complicated words coming out of Professor Coran’s mouth. This isn’t the sort of class he can afford to ignore.

He makes it through a solid hour and fifteen minutes without dwelling on Lance or his peculiar behavior or the party later that night—

Ugh.

Seriously, Keith puts it all out of his mind until he’s free to go home. That’s when he’ll sit and worry over everything. Which, once he slinks through the door and throws himself down onto the couch a couple hours later, is exactly what he does.

—

Lance

Lance pouts his lips, watching his reflection mimic the gesture.

“You got this,” he tells himself. He checks his shirt for wrinkles, running his hands over the front of his navy blue flannel. It used to belong to his dad, and Lance has always loved the way it hangs on his frame. He wears the sleeves rolled up to his elbow, exposing the long lines of his forearms, and the shirt offers a nice glimpse of his collarbone. A sturdy belt holds his khakis in place, tan fabric hugging his hips and waist in all the right places. He usually reserves these pants for class presentations and interviews, but a date with Keith seems like a worthy occasion.

“Keith used to be your rival, and, sure, he has a mullet. But he’s the coolest, and you’re not going to fuck this up.” Lance jabs his finger into his reflection’s forehead. “I repeat, you will not fuck this up.”

Yes, the mantra is new. He’s never met anyone he legitimately needed a pep talk to approach. Not that needing positive words of encouragement to talk to Keith is a bad thing! It’s more like an ‘I really need to impress this person and convince them I’m worth the effort’ sort of thing.

“I won’t fuck this up.” Lance straightens his spine, standing tall with his hands poised on his hips. “I won’t fuck this up. I won’t, I just won’t. I, Lance McClain, will not fu—”

There’s a hesitant knock at the door, just loud enough that Lance hears it from down the hall. And, oh God, Lance shrieks like a teenage boy who just discovered a spider hidden in the bottom of his boot. He mumbles reassurances under his breath and hastily smooths his hands down the front of his body for probably the millionth time that evening. There’s a slim chance his ministrations only serve to wrinkle his shirt further, but he doesn’t give a flying fuck because Keith Kogane is waiting at his door.

“C- I’m coming!” Lance calls out. He almost trips over a stray sock but catches hold of the doorframe before he can actually fall. “Gimme a second!”

Keith doesn’t answer, but Lance easily conjures up what he must look like. Standing there, likely dressed in his usual dark jeans and cotton red shirt, the worn sort that looks soft to the touch. He’s almost definitely wearing his leather jacket, a pair of scuffed combat boots or, maybe, his red Converse sneakers. Quite honestly, Lance has a soft spot for those stupid shoes.

Lance comes to a screeching halt in front of the door, nervously tugging at the hem of his flannel for several tense seconds, before cracking the door open. His eyes flutter shut, and he repeats the mantra once more. I won’t fuck this up.

But nothing could’ve prepared him for what awaits him on the other side.

Hair— that’s the first thing Lance notices. Dark strands are swept back into a low ponytail, strays framing Keith’s face, the shortest hairs curling at the nape of his neck. The style draws more attention to features Lance had never allowed himself to contemplate before. A barely visible mole near the tip of his left eyebrow, the grey-purple hue of his irises, a tiny pimple hidden alongside the bridge of his nose. Every detail, every minor flaw, leaves Lance riveted. And steals the words right out of his mouth.

“Hey,” Keith, the cute bastard, has the nerve to say. As if nothing about his appearance is weird or hazardous to Lance’s health. Lance seizes the opportunity to give Keith a onceover and, yeah, of course he’s wearing the Converses. Shit.

“Uh, oh, hi,” Lance responds, oh so eloquently.

“Hey,” Keith repeats, the barest hint of a smile taking shape on his lips. “Can I… come in?”

“Uh, yeah, duh, of course.”

Keith takes one step into the apartment and falters. “You’re still doing it.”

Oh crap. “Doing what?”

“Acting all weird and jittery. What the hell is your deal?”

Lance is going to burst. If he holds the truth in any longer, he might literally explode and spray his guts all over their nice, clean walls. I won’t fuck this up, I won’t fuck this up, I-

“There’s no party tonight!” Lance gasps, like the confession is punched out of him.

Keith stops mid-stride and turns on Lance. He stares blankly, uncomprehending, silent questions hanging between them. The motion is quick, sharp. A few extra flyways join the other stray bangs hanging around Keith’s face, tickling his cheeks. Lance distantly wonders if they actually tickle.

“...What?”

“Surprise!” Lance holds his arms out to the side. He’s genuinely shocked his heart hasn’t climbed up his throat yet. Plastering on his best confident grin, he gestures at the entirety of the apartment. “It’s just the two of us tonight!”

Keith’s lashes flutter wildly, and he spins, surveying the empty living room and kitchen. “Uh, did you— just the two of us? You and… me?”

I won’t fuck this up.

“Keithy, boy, what would you do if I told you this was a date?”

#klance #voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld #klance fic #keith #lance #otp: we had a bonding moment! #i cradled you in my arms! #my fic #mine #my fic: klance #my fic: voltron #I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH #fight my engineering profs #but i'm pretty pleased with how this turned out #and i reaallllyyyy hope everyone enjoys #these nerdy boys with their crushes

[ayearofpike]

Spooksville #3: The Haunted Cave

Pocket Books, 1995 132 pages, 15 chapters ISBN 0-671-53727-X LOC: CPB Box no. 318 (Stored at Landover) OCLC: 33836632 Released December 1, 1995 (per B&N)

Science doesn’t always fly in Spooksville. But when Adam and Cindy are presented the opportunity to prove the missing link in evolution by venturing into a cave that spans the entire town, they jump at it. However, the cave mouth suddenly closes with them inside, along with a hairy, unevolved monster that may not have any use for the kids other than as snacks.

These books have all been reprinted, speaking to the staying power of this series. (Also, there was a TV show about five years ago, which I am not going to watch for purposes of this blog. Let’s be realistic about how much I can do.) But despite that, when I was collecting I purposely looked for the original cover art from the ‘90s. I bring that up here to wonder why this copy of The Haunted Cave doesn’t have a bar code. Part of a box set? Library edition? I scraped off all the tape and stickers that I could manage to clear from these, so maybe it had one of those identifiers and I just threw it away.

They certainly don’t lack for action, though. Yeah, we’re getting the same mysterious subterranean tunnel system stretching out from an unexplored mountain cave that we’ve seen so much already. (This one reminds me of nothing so much as the Martian cave in The Season of Passage, to be honest.) But the nice thing about the shorter page count is that Pike has to leap right into the story, with minimal room for an ancient goddess to dialogue with the protagonist about positive energies and fourth-dimensional space lizards. If those things show up, they’re gonna have to move quick like the rest of the story.

Here, for example: the talk about evolution and the missing link is a threadbare premise to get the kids into the cave, which happens on page 13. They do actually plan a little bit for this exploration, unlike the lighthouse, with two flashlights. Sally doesn’t want to go at all — you grow up in Spooksville, you learn to distrust everything, especially dark holes in the ground — but when Cindy persuades Adam to come along, Sally isn’t about to leave those two alone without a cockblocker. And sure enough, the girls are grumping at each other so hard all the way down the tunnel that they almost don’t hear the spooky howl coming up from the cave.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go inside, they agree, and make their way back to the entrance. But it’s markedly smaller than when they went in, and Watch is outside trying to prop it open. They manage to have a WHOLE FUCKING CONVERSATION about how the hole is getting smaller without anybody diving through it, and at the end Watch is left on the surface and Adam and the girls are trapped inside. And as far as they know, there isn’t another opening to the cave.

Watch goes to track down Bum, the only other person (who isn’t a witch, probably) that might be able to help him figure out a plan. Bum thinks there isn’t one, unless Watch buys him dinner. Makes sense — it’s the same payment Bum required for telling him about the Secret Path. But in the end, he doesn’t actually have an answer, short of asking Ann Templeton, the only other person who might know. Isn’t she a witch, though, like I alluded to? In fact, didn’t she curse Bum so he’d lose his postion as mayor of the town and then everything else? Bum’s not upset about it, and he’s not scared either, so they agree that they’ll find Ann together and ask about options.

Meanwhile, the others are wayfinding underground. They reach a point where there are skeletons sticking out of the wall, and realize they’re under the cemetery. So like ... what if you dig up four feet? Wouldn’t you get out? They don’t think of this at all, but they do salvage some half-rotten coffin boards to use as torches later. The next turn in the path takes them into a round room with a high ceiling, and all of a sudden a gate crashes down over the only entrance and exit. High above, on a walkway, a torch flares to life, revealing two drooling trolls with spears on chains, about to go fishing for kids. They dodge a couple of shots, and then Adam thinks to stand in front of the gate and lure the spear over. Sure enough, a troll aims for him, but he dodges, causing the spear to fly through the gate. As the troll yanks on the chain, trying to get it back, it opens the gate and the kids escape. Whew! 

Evidently, though, this round room was part of Ann Templeton’s castle. She tells Watch and Bum as much, when they find her at the grocery store, held open late just for her. She mentions that the others are safe, for now, but that they’re going deeper, just like the wells in the town. She also says that the ancient natives who used to live in Spooksville knew about the cave, and claimed that it could be opened if you asked in the right way. It doesn’t matter, though, she says, because the Hyeets, the monsters that live down there, love to eat children and are surely hungry tonight.

They eat bats too, evidently, as indicated by the Subterranean Three discovering mutilated wings and bodies along the way. That’s not as bad as when a swarm of live bats engulfs them and starts biting. Adam sees a red glow off to the side, a tunnel the bats are avoiding, and drags the girls into it. This leads to a large room with pools of lava in it, which explains why it’s so stiflingly hot down here. There’s no other way out, though — unless you count the weird scribed rectangle that looks like a big doorway. But there’s no handle, no hinges, no easily accessible opening mechanism, and so we won’t yet. However, we might count the monster that grabs Cindy from behind and drags her away too quickly to be followed.

Now what? Bum has a plan! He knows an old lady in town who has a deep well and might let them climb down it. Watch, being smaller, has to go down on a rope while Bum lowers and raises him. Of course, we’re talking about a former politician turned homeless drifter, not, like, a tug-of-war champion. Bum loses his grip, and Watch falls into the water at the bottom, a raging subterranean river. (We’ve seen this before, too.) Luckily, it washes him up into another tunnel, where Adam and Sally have traced the footprints of the Hyeet, and together the three of them go charging after the monster.

But Cindy tells them to wait. She’s been communicating with the Hyeet, which is what we otherwise know as a Bigfoot, and she thinks it doesn’t want to hurt anybody. What it wants is to be with others like itself, and right now it’s all alone in the cave. Watch talks about how to open the cave with a command, and the Hyeet recognizes the words. They ultimately figure out that the word opens the door in the lava room, but the Hyeet can’t form the sound with its mouth. So Adam opens it and sees a forest paradise, and the Hyeet leaps through to be with its own kind. But then the door starts sucking the room through itself, and Adam can’t remember the closing word, so all the kids run for it.

But now what? There hasn’t been another door. They can’t possibly make it all the way back to the entrance, not after walking literally the entire night. The only guess is to follow the river and see where it leads. And sure enough, right where the tunnel comes to an abrupt halt, there’s light shining through the water. It’s sunrise! They’ve made it to outside! Sally and Cindy don’t actually hate each other; they’re just trolling! I didn’t mention that earlier when they said it!

There’s nothing really wrong with The Haunted Cave either. I’m starting to get kinda resentful that Pike made solid stories for younger readers while he was sleepwalking through Remember Me sequels for teens. Then again, there are still 21 books to go, so we’ll see if this lasts.

#spooksville #spookstober