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#and she may not have that family anymore
palaceoftears · 2 months
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If only you knew my dear
How I live my life in fear
- The State of Dreaming, Marina
For my dear birthday girl Plami @mc-critical ❣️
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opens-up-4-nobody · 24 days
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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faithfulcat111 · 5 months
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No Stonathan Sunday today. I got some really sad news and I can't write anymore today.
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justmenoworries · 6 months
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Okay, but I can't be the only one who thought Jenny Kord was fucking insufferable, right?
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tenderstatue · 12 days
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one of the pieces of furniture I inherited is a pink velvet chair that's a tiny bit musty from age and from sitting in my garage for months but next week a guy is coming out to clean all of our old chairs and after it dries I'll be able to haul it up to my bedroom
piece by piece I'm making my bedroom the pink floral room of my preteen dreams
the chair in question is under a tarp right now but this one is quite similar
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bangcakes · 1 month
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#the boy update is that ive calmed down significantly and am once again a Human#i'll see him when i see him. im not gonna stress anymore#hes busy working like crazy anyway and i need to get a job NDNJDDNDNDMDM#like i still really like him but i think my priorities have been Fucked NDNDJDJDJDJDJD#BUT IM BACK ON TRACK. YA.#my other friends also back from her trip so thats exciting. i missed her JDJJDDJDDDD#i just..... its gonna take me awhile to ask to hang out. im just SHY and also I HAVENT FELT LIKE SEEING ANYONE DJDJZJSKSKSKSKSKSKS#but now im better... yeah i think i just needed like to be a hermit for a bit#plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD#like we may even see my cousins from alberta. im like JDJDD OK???#havent seen them in like.... im gonna say 10+ years. and of course its this week that theyre here with my uncle#who ive only met like idk 3 times JDJJDKDKKDJDJD#and of those times... hes been drunk out his mind i think... 2.5/3 NDJDJD#i think hes sober now tho????#idk. we might not even see them. my moms side is really flakey 💀#but hes my moms fav brother and shes his fave sister so i hope they get to see each other NDJDJJDJDJD theyre only a year apart#its so weird bc him and my mom were so close but then like... lets just say Life and he moved away and ya zzjjdjdkdj#they had this like. super long like 4 hour talk on the phone a few minths ago and idk i think it cleared up like the last 30 years. idk man#my moms side is crazy. thats all i'll say#personal
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whatscanon · 8 months
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#i really be thinking kesl is the best i've been given and i don't know how or why it happened to me #she is literally the best friend i've always needed and wanted without ever realizing i did #meeting her by CHANCE because of tumblr rp and becoming close over DBD are things i'll never forget #i once told her before we were besties to die together that it was like talking to an old friend in a coffee shop when it comes to her #she is the most talented and sweetest person i know. she wears her heart on her sleeve #she is so smart and so funny and so kind and i am so lucky to be blessed with all of that every day #i know one day someone is gonna sweep her off her feet and i'll have to share her #but until then? she's mine okay? no one can has her or i will bite them #that said she's a bitch ass ho and because of her i write almost 600 characters#i kid. not about the amount #just that she made me #every idea she has ever come up with for us has been insane and the way we mesh/mold our ideas??? #kels. never ever ever stop being you. never ever stop being wonderful. and never ever stop being my best friend because #i will absolutely totally 100% wind up on the moon without knowing i even got on the rocket #who else is going to talk me through the: WHY ARE YOU HAVING A BAD HIGH #WHO ELSE WOULD I SAY? SOOO WHEN WAS YOUR LAST PERIOD? DONT REMEMBER MINE??? #anyways. this is long enough already. i love you so much dude. #i'll go respond to your message on discord now
i am literally crying??? i needed to hear this so much today. this is my best friend, y'all. and i will never forget the exact spot on apex's olympus map where @hatchetnews asked me when my last period was and we then found out she was pregnant minutes later. :')
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mantisgodsdomain · 4 months
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7 vi but instead of food (i get the vibes your vi just straight up doesn't refuse food) crimes or drugs whichever you prefer
(for this ask game)
7. Lots of people don’t have a favorite food drug or crime when put on the spot, but what’s a food or drink drug or crime that your OC would never turn down if someone offered it to them?
...listen the conditions under which our Vi would refuse food are extremely specific but they do exist. Depending on the variant, you might hit that faster or slower, though it varies on the person offering it to her and the circumstances surrounding it. Wereweevil Vi, specifically, will absolutely fucking not refuse food under any circumstances, but she is an outlier and most other Vis actually have a point where they'll say no.
In terms of crimes and drugs... listen, Vi has a sense of self-preservation, and people absolutely don't just hand out drugs either For Free or For No Reason. Getting her to accept doing it is the hard part, if you're not already someone she trusts - what are you, a cop? Gonna tattle on her if she takes your offer? She does, actually, have a fair amount of trust in most of the Underground Tavern regulars, and would probably take up an offer for Illegal Actions if offered, because she trusts they won't try to fuck her over and will probably be willing to back her up if worst comes to worst.
If she's being, like, offered something to try and do, and it's someone she knows, then she has pretty decent assurance that her friends won't deliberately try and kill her, but she might still want to question if it's safe for her species, whether in a "this open job offer might not actually be open to a bug where almost everyone seeing her will immediately assume she's associated with the Bee Kingdom and might report them back to the queen" way or a or "whoever made this drug has never accounted for her species in test runs and there's a solid chance of her experiencing adverse side effects from it" way.
She's not entirely naive - she knows what she's doing, she knows it might be dangerous, and she's only really willing to assume the Tavern bugs have her best interests in mind because of experience. Unless she's being paid for it, she won't take up an offer from just anyone, and she has decent confidence in not getting fucked for taking the offer.
That said... in terms of drugs, the one (1) thing that she might consider getting from Random Unlicenced Sellers She Doesn't Know would be Daydream. Chronic pain reasons, as per usual. If it's getting to autumn and times she Knows that she's gonna run into more Bad Pain Days and her usual dealer's not got enough she might go hunting for another supplier, and in that case - yeah, she'll take random handouts and shady offers, and yeah, she'll probably get fucked over for it. Probably better than lying on the floor unable to do anything due to her body swinging a fire axe into her spinal cord that makes it feel like there's a white-hot rod of metal permanently impaled into her chitin and through half of her vital organs. She might reconsider if it's particularly shady and she's with Team Snakemouth, but being in horrible pain has a way of making you abandon your previous convictions in favor of not having to endure part of your body trying to violently kill you to death by making your entire nervous system fry itself with chronic pain.
With crime if you pay her enough then she'll do basically anything but for profit-free mischief, uhh. Listen if you walk up to her in a bar and say "hey, wanna vandalize something" then she'll probably agree before asking any further questions. Some day this will bite her in the dick but she will probably only learn "plan more when vandalizing things" from it.
#asks#ask games#headcanons#we have one specific fic in which she winds up with one food she absolutely fucking will not eat unless she actively HAS to#as in. “would rather starve for days on the hope of Food That Is Not That than eat it” levels#with the beemerang shes less upset about “it was stolen” and more upset about “it was stolen and shades didnt tell me from who”#but being a bee means she has slightly more leeway on it than. say. a mosquito who shouldnt have been in the hive in the first place#plus depending on how he got it he might just Not Know that it was originally bee tech. equal odds of bee or termite and such#its not necessarily guaranteed and since shes not a part of the hive anymore that chance is SIGNIFICANTLY decreased#and YES shes likely to be in contact with the people that it was stolen from who thus may recognize it and get her in trouble#also necessary context for daydream it is a painkiller that is also occasionally sold as a street drug under the name daydream#known as morpatamine in like. generic medical brand form. though vi might take a few seconds to recognize it under that name#it may be a prescription drug but she has never taken out a prescription in her life and shes not about to start now#it is. VERY strong. produces a “floaty” high. vi takes it for chronic pain reasons because she enjoys not being in pain and is Used To It#we have it as a. semi-consistent vi feature? takes it pre-tsm for pain reasons and then goes cold turkey when she gets hired as an explorer#shes functional under it and could probably actually get More done under it for pain reasons but she still. no longer takes it#this Is Not Good for her. she is in pain that she absolutely does not have to be in for Not Taking Drugs Points awarded by no one.#unfortunately she also thinks that if she tells her teammates about the fact that she has done A Drug and might want to do them again#they will drop her like a hot potato and/or tell her entire family that she is a druggie#because she was still raised in the hive and still retains some of their views on drugs for Herself Specifically#because though obviously her friends are cool & doing a drug is neutral for them it is a sign of deep moral corruption for Vi Specifically#anyways this means that she will go out on a mission while being like an 8-9 on the pain scale and do like. maybe 1 ibuprofen about it#this specific dynamic means that though she trusts kabbu and leif SIGNIFICANTLY more than shades in p much every way#she would never ask one of them to help supervise her use whereas she might ask shades to keep an eye on her#generally this is a bad decision. he will absolutely fuck with her for fun. they both know this wont stop her from asking him again tho#she could probably ask doppel if she didnt want to be told that shes been given forever weed#but doppel has a job to do and she doesnt want to interrupt and plus if he knows shes been Doing A Drug he might be disappointed in her#realistically he already knows and just doesnt care but vis already a bit high strung on it with anyone whose opinion she cares about#we will retag this to put it in the main bf tag in a bit maybe. we are not sure how the fandom proper would respond to this flavor of post#chronic pain hcs tend to be localized to kabbu and undetailed on management. we deal with heavy duty painkillers
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globodamorte · 8 months
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chasing tails spoilers if anyone cares about that
can u imagine if Taeyeon was the killer and she was sooo fucking out of touch with reality and just wanted to be famous and rich so she murders her friends to try to ride on the tragedy to make money afterwards.
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royalphantompain · 6 months
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Ugh
Probably gonna private this later
TW Illness and cancer warning
#I haven't been doing well the last week.#So uhh after a nice week of having fun with my family I got a job that I don't know if I'm fit to handle#So yeah that was eating up all my free time for the past few weeks and I was just stressed and had no more free time for art#Also I felt very unsafe at the job and I was never given any safety warning if something happened#I just felt too guilty to say anything but I did and I feel bad because that place there is short staffed and the people there where nice#But still. I just don't feel safe and I don't think I can handle it#And while that has been happening uhh my biological texted me that he has cancer#I feel comfortable enough to say that I hate him but I can't help but feel awful and terrible about it#I don't know I sort of feel guilty for feeling that way after what she did to me and my brothers and my mom#I keep him at arms length but I don't know#I'm scared of him because of what he did to one of my brothers that made him cut content with my dad#And that said brother is also going through a lot medical wise#Just been not in the best place it may get better soon. I'm trying my best to get something animated#But yeah my dad has only said he had cancer but not a certain type#He's a piece of shit but I don't think he will lie about that and he said we shouldn't get it in the future#He also hasn't mentioned what stage of cancer he has or anything he mentioned something about healing#But he also hasn't said he doesn't know how long he'll feel well for#I just don't know how o feel anymore
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xielianss · 10 months
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laylanatorseventeen · 11 months
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Well my great grandmother died the day before yesterday and while I'm not, like, happy about it, I didn't know her so I'm not like sad either. But I'm going to the visitation and funeral because I'm expected to and I will be there for my dad, who actually did know and care about her. I only hope we don't have a repeat of what happened when my great uncle died, i.e, me gazing emotionlessly at the corpse of a person I neither knew nor particularly cared about whilst my aunt melodramaticly urges me to "let go" of the grief under which she mistakenly believes I am laboring
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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i shld sleep oh my god
#🌙.rambles#i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n#i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_#gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff#just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i#end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade#i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom#fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything.#sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all#i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol#i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want#without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control#if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do?#sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too#but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down#bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor#but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too#i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though#from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down#n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still#yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for#her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side#bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny#hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers#shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like#the stuff i wrote last year 💀 but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful#maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically.#like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n.#be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah
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primsycoldbottles · 2 years
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i dont wanna be weird (this ask's completely out of left field sorry) but i completely agree with you, i.e., acofaf. when i watch romance in it (except chirp's romance which. same here.) i feel barely anything. rue and hob are cute and i know they're supposed to be an exploration of queer identity and brennan and oscar seem really passionate about it but i can't bring myself to care as much as most other fans? binx and andhera just feels like everyone in the group except their players are pushing them and are a lot more interesting to me when i think of them as platonic
anyway this is getting long so just know you shouldn't feel bad for not going crazy for the romance in acofaf!
SOOOOOOO REAL!!!!! especially for andhera and binx being quite literally PUSHED together by breannan/hob and oscar/rue despite them having full ability (and it was most likely to happen anyways) that theyd pair up for a dance together. and like.. i Get It, theyve had a lot of moments together (ex. the darkness haze with the hands) that everyone freaked out over..... but i still feel as if its less romance and more just.. community and understanding within each others circumstances and identity. i truly cannot see andhera and binx in love with how they act within the show as budding friends rather than people in love. theyre so much more interesting to think of as platonic and how theyd navigate healing from their respective traumas hand in hand WITHOUT putting romance in there. it feels unnecessary for andhera and binx to have romance when their stories are ALREADY fulfilling to watch without it present.
AND HERES THE THING!!! i really appreciate rue and hob!! i think their portrayal and romance is very well done in the show, even if it is obvs quite sudden (and unfortunately the show only being 10 eps means that you cannot explore romance as much as 18, so that will always make things feel less Real :[). but i simply just have no.. infatuation? with it. i think oscars/rues exploration with the allegories of coming out and finding yourself are beautiful, especially when paired with brennans/hobs complimentary exploration of recognizing that youve been exploited and overcoming that trauma and making a name for yourself without anyone else stealing your glory. its beautiful and their connection in the show is really nice.... i just..... didnt latch onto it. and it FEELS bad that i didnt??? but i just straight up dont have much investment in ships and romance and stuff anymore in ships the way i used to when i was younger.
ANYWAYS YOU GET IT thank u anon for making me feel less alone in not having intense investment in the acofaf ships even tho i REALLY love the show itself <333 so awesome that im not just insane and weird for it yaaaay
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staggeringsmite · 2 years
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oh shit ehas really is about it being rotten work but not to them huh
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