#and she's gonna crack

[wrongspacetime]

BOTTOMS (2023) | dir. Emma Seligman

#bottoms 2023 #bottoms movie #rachel sennott #ruby cruz #summer joy campbell #ayo edebiri #bottomsedit #wlwsource #wlwgif #dailylgbtq #bottoms spoilers #mygifs #every time i think i'm done i catch another detail that cracks me up #hazel and pj barely functioning / sylvie teasing them / josie being so done 'what it wrong with you' #only for pj to say she's ready to go for it again sksksksk #so many comedic gems in the background #it's gonna be a cult classic i just know it

[amber-laughs]

so lyanna brings home from college this platinum blonde twink who got her name tattooed on his arm after the second date but they’re polite about it (not brandon!) like ned thinks maybe it’s just his older brother bias and is trying to see him from lya’s perspective “hmm this guys handsome i guess, he’s older, he’s rich, passionate. sure we’ll give it a go i mean she’s young they’ll break up soon right? right lyanna? RIGHT??” brandon’s disgusted. rhaegar actually went to an adjacent high school that always beat his school’s football team and brandon always thought his instagram poetry was ass. benjen, lyanna’s little pet dog basically, thinks rhaegar’s great and “you guys if you’re gonna date lyanna you should love her enough to get her named tattooed on you” until she brings benjen to one of rhaegar’s open mics and he has to sit there while they make out and listen to 3 songs about sex with his sister. she’s pregnant 3 weeks later btw

#brandon and rhaegar are not allowed to sit next to each other at thanksgiving #ned starts every conversation with ‘how’s jon?’ but come on now… ned knows how jon is. he knows better than rhaegar #lyarra’s all hippie dippie and thinks lyanna knows what she’s doing rickard’s a military man who’s gonna hate whoever lyanna brings home #benjen does NOT babysit. he’s bad at it. #asoiaf crack #valyrianscrolls #rhaegar targaryen #lyanna stark #rhaegar x lyanna #asoiaf #jon snow #ned stark #brandon stark #benjen stark #modern asoiaf #nothing more humiliating than tagging posts #it’s really just begging people to laugh at your jokes

[eatingsomegreeneggos]

I cannot wait for Wish to come out this year! Some crossover art with the original wish lady because we love pretty tall women ✨️💙

#dont mind me casually making crossover shipart like 5 months before the movie comes out sshh #I take pride in providing yall femslash content!! <333 #also yes I DID make the blue fairy taller/bigger than shes supposed to be what are you gonna do about it 😌 #anyways Im so not normal over the blue fairy like aaaaaa I looove her 🥺💗 #and the new princess she seems so cute!!! so so cute!!! I want to learn more about her!! #Asha #disney asha #the blue fairy #pinnocchio #wish #disney wish #wish 2023 #fanart #my art #femslash #disney femslash #asha x blue fairy #I hope this doesnt age terribly well see haha! #also just saying this was intended as ship art like ya know just a lil crack ship for fun #but also of course the work isnt that romantic so if you dont like the pairing like thats fine you can just consider it a cute crossover! #because honestly thats really just it

[ghouljams]

waiting for the day cowboy!könig finally decides that enough pining is ENOUGH and just decides to ask bee out on a date.

if bee isn't already wooed enough by how nice this big and handsome man is to her all the time then imagine how much more wooed she'd be when it seems like könig *just* know what she likes and dislikes. she's probably thinking "wow! it's amazing how you can guess what i like and don't like!" and könig (nasty little bastard) is just nodding along like "yes yes of course :3 (innocently)" as if he didn't gather that info from spying on her like bffr !!

There are too many kindnesses to ignore. König is too nice to you, and you realize you've fallen for him like you remember the sky is blue. It feels like something that's always been there, nurtured with careful hands and soft works. You wonder sometimes if that's the way König is with everyone. If it's just you that thinks about him like this.

Then he touches you, looks at you a moment too long, whispers to himself with words you half catch, and you think the feeling might be mutual. Still, you'd hate to ruin a good friendship on wants and wishes.

You do your best to stay platonic. To ignore the butterflies in your stomach, the tight hope in your ribs, each time you go out with König. Not dates. You tell yourself firmly, coach yourself in the bathroom mirror. Tonight is no different. Just your weekly dinner. Your own personal thank you to König for all his help. You truly couldn't do this without him.

You bump into König as you turn away from the stove and he catches you with a gentle if firm hand on the small of your back. His eyes wide with surprise at your stumble, before they soften. Your heart pounds in your chest, your stomach fluttering with just the slightest touch from him. His hand slides off you, fingers curling like he could hold on just a moment longer if you let him.

You can't take it anymore.

You grab the front of his shirt and tug him down, pushing up on your toes to press your lips against the warm cloth of his bandana. You're not even sure you're kissing the right spot, but it feels right in the way it makes König lock up. Shit. He doesn't even touch you. You pull back, mentally kick yourself for ruining things like you always do.

König all but rips the bandana off when you do, wrapping his arms around you to press his lips to yours without the barrier. You don't have time to process the way he sighs against your mouth, barely can think past kissing him back. You never believed in the whole fireworks thing, but maybe they meant the flip in your stomach, the desperation in the slide of König's lips as he kisses you like he's just come home from war, the shudder he sends through you with just the tilt of his head.

There's nowhere for you to go, completely held by the arms around your shoulders and waist. Well, that's not completely true. You can press more firmly against König. Try to stand taller as you slide your lips against his, feel his tongue swipe against the seam of your mouth entreatingly. There's nothing that could have kicked your brain out of your head quite like his tongue twisting against yours. He's like a furnace, warming you up wherever you touch him as you lean against his broad chest.

When's the last time someone kissed you like this? Made you feel like you were something they'd never get enough of?

The smell of burning food reaches your nose and you turn your head from König's kiss with a loud panicked swear. His arms loosen around you as you turn to switch off burners and stir the pot you were supposed to be watching. Your chest heaves, a little breathless from kissing König, which- wow, first of all. Second of all, you don't really know what you're supposed to do after that.

"I suppose this is a date then?" König answers for you. You laugh, doing your best to salvage dinner.

"You should've told me I would've dressed up." You joke back. König hums, his fingers tracing over your hips to the edge of your shorts, feather light when they skim your skin. You suppress the shiver it sends down your spine.

"You always look beautiful," He tells you softly, and you duck your head, not able to keep the shiver down that time.

#cowboy!König #oc: bee #könig x reader #könig call of duty #König x you #könig mw2 #f!reader #x reader #Wow Bee cracked first but I can't blame her #König was never going to make a move #Bee is very determined to not make a fool of herself the rest of the night #but it's really hard when König keeps kissing her #and she feels like she gets a little dumber every time he does #pushing at his face while they're watching a movie after dinner like #stop kissing me or I'm not gonna be able to send you home #König doesn't tell her but that's the idea

[spacerockband]

OUT OF THE KILN!!!

#IVE BEEN WAITING A MONTH TO FIRE HER #AND SHE DIDNT BREAK OR CRACK AT ALL SHES PERFEXT #ceramic #dragon #dragons #dragon art #ceramics #ceramic art #ceramic sculpture #art tag #sorry for the ugly bg i was far too nervous to take her outside to photograph #very delicate .. #now i have to glaze but idk what colors i’m gonna go with yet

[arrowheadedbitch]

I want to see more stuff about Shawn having a totally warped view of what normal people think. Like, the only way he knows to be normal is from his keen observation. He doesn't know how much normal people observe, just that it's less than him, he has no idea how much more or less, people watching can only get you so far. He has no idea how long and how much the average person can remember. I want to see him pretend to not notice something obvious because he underestimated what a non trained person would notice. I wanna see him point out something NO ONE would notice because he thought it was normal. I wanna see him pretend he doesn't remember something from that morning because he's not sure if normal memories go back that far, I wanna see him effortlessly remember a small thing that happened three years ago because he didn't realize normal memories were THAT bad, holy crap, dude! I don't remember this ever happening in canon and I haven't seen any fanwork of it but I NEED it, I need it so bad, y'all

#psych #psych usa #shawn spencer #eidetic #eidetic memory #detective #henry's training shows up in the strangest of circumstances #“how did she not notice this slight bumb in the concrete! it's definitely gonna crack soon!!” #“what do you mean you don't remember this very specific moment from 8 years ago? JESUS #how bad is your memory #gus!“ #🍍

[treewithabark]

Spring —> Autumn

I can’t believe Juniper has been with us for almost 11!!! Months!!!

#juno #huskymix #dogblr #i haven’t been updating tumblr very much but my word she’s doing so great #a huge pain in my arse but gosh dang she’s gonna be a cracking little dog in another year of work #most recent antics include shit rolling and eating floor food (so nothing new)

[1-siracha]

lucifer: mc, what is that website?

mc: it's spinningrat.com

lucifer: ..what is it meant to do?

mc: your meant to watch the rats endlessly spin.

lucifer: ..anything else?

mc: not really, but it's fun u should try it

lucifer: ...

lucifer: i have a life, mc.

bonus:

*barbatos sees mc watching the rats*

barbatos: shoots computer

mc: barb what the FUCK

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me shitpost #obey me crack #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me lucifer #om! lucifer #obey me barbatos #om! barbatos #this was based of a conversation i had with my mum #i think shes gonna send me to a mental hospital one day

[evilkitten3]

atla crack au where zuko and azula burn the palace down as kids (like 12 and 10, respectively, pre-banishment but post-grandpacide), run away to avoid consequences, and somehow end up "discreetly" living in the abandoned fire nation ship in the south pole ("discreetly" is a word which here means "all the adults know they're there bc they have massive arguments every other day, and when hakoda's nearby he "drops" things that might be useful")

ozai ends up blaming the palace fire on iroh and banishes him. he must capture the children to regain his honor (translator's note: this is adult speak for "get their asses back here so i can ground them for the rest of their lives")

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #azula #fire siblings #somehow despite having lived isolated on a wrecked boat for four years they manage to still be spoiled brats when aang shows up #ozai is significantly less evil bc a) crack au and b) the burning zuko's face off never happened #like he still kinda sucks but he hasn't crossed the line from throne usurper to child mutilator just yet #azula spends half a minute trying to find a way to blame the fire on zuko before realizing that half the flames are blue #the plot twist is that they actually weren't (fully) responsible for the destruction #ursa did it #she chose terrorism ok #jet is her accomplice #like he hates that she's fire nation but damn if she's not good at what she does #jet: ok so how're we gonna get your children out before we- #ursa: fuck them kids #jet: ...dope let's do this

[mediumsizedpidegon]

the inherent comedy of aizen trying so hard and committing so many atrocities to become god, only to fail, when orihime is right there. with everything he wants. literally rubbing salt into the wound.

This 100% human teenager has earthshaking powers which can bend reality like silly putty, and she has forsaken the horrific violence and divine wrath she is capable of and instead chosen to "limit" herself to healing and shields. did she work to gain these powers? No! She's worked to hone them, yes, but not gain them. Her powers just. happened to her.

if i was aizen i would COMBUST from rage.

#bleach #i'm gonna crack a rib from laughing #inoue orihime #sosuke aizen #local student capable of killing god and taking his place: chooses not to because she's a pacifist #aizen is SEETHING. he is so so jealous. ichigo who? ORIHIME is his archnemesis #i love ichigo i promise but. there is an explanation for why he's such a freak of nature. there is NO SUCH explanation for inoue orihime #my posts

[zippityzap]

Less than a week of being legally allowed to drive and I’m already sick of my mum being a backseat driver

“Why are you going so slow?” I’m sticking to the legal speed limit????

“Why’d you indicate there you didn’t need to do that” I’m showing other drivers I intend on exiting the roundabout????? I don’t know why you think this specific roundabout is the exception to that rule

“Why’d you leave it so long to change lanes” I’m sorry that I don’t want to get a ticket for being in the bus lane when I’ve had my full license for less than a fortnight

#she’s just accompanying me for the first few journeys since the route to pick my brother up from school is a little complex at parts #but fuck I’ll be glad when I’m trusted to be out on my own because if she keeps this up I’m seriously gonna crack up at her #makes me appreciate how good of a teacher my driving instructor was #zippy speaks #vent #ahh sorry for whinging but it’s frustrating

[twistedappletree]

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #cql #wen qing #mdzs crack #mdzs meme #mdzs shitposting #the untamed crack #the untamed meme #apple memes #gif #twitter #been thing about WQ a lot tbh 😭 #mostly because I wanna write a yanqing fic so baaaaddddd 🥺🥺🥺 #like an AU where they both survive and sect leader WQ invites JYL to the wen sect as a guest #like ‘heyyyy girl want a vacation from the sadboi homoerotic sausage fest?’ #and JYL’s like ‘omg yes sis!’ #then she makes WQ soup and they fall in love LMFAO #flawless actually gonna get on it right now immediately 😌✨🌸 #sapphic queen #meng ziyi

[hamstermicrowave]

someone take spotify away from me i cannot stop listening to Ribs

#this is gonna ruin my last.fm #ribs lorde #lorde #this is not the type of music i usually listen to but there's smth about it #she put crack in it #dingus.exe

[splickedylit]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kongo Unsui/Hiruma Youichi/Anezaki Mamori, One-Sided Kongo Agon/Hiruma Youichi, Kongo Agon & Kongo Unsui Characters: Kongo Unsui, Hiruma Youichi, Anezaki Mamori, Kongo Agon, Lots of cameo Enma Fires and Saikyou Wizards throughout, …………………………and Musashi Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Bisexual Awakenings, Emotional Repression, Polyamory, Canon-Typical Quarterback (And Manager) Mindgames, these people can't be normal about shit to save their lives, Dysfunctional Family, Agon and Unsui's Convoluted Brother Emotions, And also. parent situation., College is for figuring out you're not straight OR emotionally okay: the fic, …..Unsui deserves to date two people Agon struck out with simultaneously: the fic, It's not exactly hurt/comfort but, Hurt/Validation, isn't a tag

Summary:

“What,” says Unsui, and is keenly, painfully aware that whatever stoic expression his face might have locked itself into in his shock, his cheeks are damningly warm. One part of his mind demands, do something, his plan is working, you’re losing! The other part says, your first kiss was a cackling bastard of a man, because he thought it would make you more likely to lose to him at football. -- Kongo Unsui gets kissed by a man. He's proud to say his performance as a quarterback doesn't suffer at all, in the…extensive aftermath. Hiruma Youichi makes a move, and then does what he does best, which is scramble like a motherfucker and improvise an offense from scratch. Anezaki Mamori analyzes the situation, and politely intervenes. Kongo Agon has a goddamn crisis.

#Eyeshield 21 #es21 #Kongo Unsui #Hiruma Youichi #Kongo Agon #Anezaki Mamori #although she and Agon haven't made much appearance yet. Many things to come >:Ic #Splickedydrabbles #or is the tag #Splickedywrit #I genuinely don't remember #anyway here is repressed monk-themed football boy finding out he has feelings actually. and those feelings include #y'know like. bisexuality. repressed parental baggage. Football Anger. want to be loved. brotherly drama. normal stuff. #the thing about splickedy is they will look at a dude with massive emotional repression and go 'is anybody gonna crack him open like an egg #and not wait for a response

[kanerallels]

For @chenford-prompts 2 Weeks of Chenford, prompt: Injured.

This is set sometime mid season four, and is obviously not canon compliant. It's also technically a deleted scene from a fic I'm posting later this week, but doesn't have any real spoilers. Oh, and it was inspired by a piece of art by @accidental-spice, that I will link here when it's posted!

(TW for hospitals and injury)

Tim felt like he spent a lot of time in hospitals for someone who wasn’t a doctor. Sure, it was bound to be a part of his job— hazard of being a cop was you got hurt. A lot. And he was fine with that.

It was when it was someone else who got hurt on his watch that things were different.

He glanced at the bed he was sitting next to, and his heart twisted in his chest at the sight of Lucy Chen, pale and motionless, hooked up to a heart monitor. He hated seeing her like this. It was unnatural for her to be anything less than bright and energetic and full of life.

She’d been shot on patrol. A shooter had gone after him, and she’d tackled him just in time. Just in time for him to be safe, and for her to be hit herself.

Tim could still feel the panic swelling in his chest at the sight of the blood welling through her shirt as he clung to her, begging her to stay with him. She’d been unconscious by the time the ambulance reached them.

But somehow, miraculously, she was alive. The surgery had been fine, and she was supposed to wake up by the next day. The others had been in to visit her— Jackson for a brief stint, Lopez and Wesley right behind him with Thorsen. Genny had been one of the more recent visitors, carrying a bag with his things, and had walked out again with Nolan. He’d stayed longer than almost any of the others— besides Tamara, who had been right there with him for hours, until the Greys insisted on driving her to their house, where she would stay the night.

Tim hadn’t moved from his spot in hours, and he didn’t intend to. Clasping his hands, he bowed his head, emotions swirling in his chest.

She’d taken a bullet for him. And that had landed her in the hospital. I failed. Again. I couldn’t keep her safe.

“Neck deep in the guilt spiral already?”

Tim’s head snapped up at the sound of Harper’s voice. Handing him a disposable cup, she said, “I thought I’d bring better coffee than what they sell here.”

“Thanks,” Tim muttered, taking a sip. 

He could feel her studying him, and elected to ignore it. Finally, she said, “It wasn’t your fault. Lucy knew what she was doing.”

“She was jumping in front of a bullet meant for me. If I hadn’t—”

“No,” Nyla said flatly. “Don’t try and take the credit for it. Lucy made the choice to protect you, and she wouldn’t want you to be worrying about it like this. Don’t make it about you.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Tim said. “I just— she shouldn’t have—”

“Shouldn’t have what? Shouldn’t have made the same choice any other cop would have made? Shouldn’t have protected someone she cares about?” Nyla snorted. “Sure. When she wakes up, I’d love to see you sell her on that.”

She turned towards the door, then paused, looking at him. “Accept the fact that she got hurt helping you, and then move on. Wallowing in it isn’t going to help anyone. Got it?”

“Got it,” Tim said, looking back at Lucy. Like it or not, he knew she would have said the same thing.

That didn’t mean he was going anywhere, though. Sliding his chair a little closer, he took her hand, lacing his fingers around hers. He felt Harper watching them for a minute, then she turned and left, leaving them alone together.

#2 weeks of chenford 2024 #chenford #lucy chen #tim bradford #nyla harper #okay two more fun facts! one yes jackson is alive and you can fight me on that #and two one of these days i'm actually gonna do more than just vaguely hint at my crack ship but apparently it is not this day #the rookie #writing stories is a kind of magic too #also it was originally supposed to be angela talking to him #but then she said something and i went wait a second that's harper talking #and then voila there she was!! i haven't written her much but she's one of my faves so it was a lot of fun

[rosie-love98]

The Trouble With Gimli:

*Context: During Legolas and Gimli's stay to Tol Eressea in the Undying Lands, many had changed. The two would reunite with Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf and the High Elves (Galadriel, Celeborn, Elrond and Celebrian). Then, with help of the Valar, Legolas would meet and marry the Wingildi of the Bay Of Bafalas, Nenselde (of the LOTR Trading Cards). This union would result in a daughter, Marillalote. All the while, Thranduil, Tauriel and the last of the Mirkwood elves migrated to the Undying Lands.*

Gimli: *runs in the room with baby Marillalote in his arms* Legolas! Nenselde! I have great news!

Legolas: What news, old friend?

Gimli: Wee Marilla's got the true makings of a dwarf! I just taught her the greetings of my people and she's a natural!

Nenselde: Aaw! She's said her first words?

Gimli: Nope! Better than that!

*LATER*

*As Legolas, Nenselde and Marillalotte are being visited by Gandalf, Elrond, Celeborn, Celebrian, Elrond and Thranduil...*

Thranduil: *as he holds Marillalote* Hello, Lotte-Nin. Did you miss your grandfa-

*Thranduil is met with a hard headbutt by Marillalote.*

#and that's why she's nicknamed “Dwarf-Kin” #gandalf may have been cracking up laughing #they're gonna have to talk to gimli later #gimli's old but still...gimli #thranduil never let legolas live it down #that's what you get when gimli is your godfather #legolas #thranduil #lotr #lotr trading cards #nenselde #gimli #lord of the rings #just watched Unexpected Journey recently... #sorry thranduil #this was bound to happen