#and some animals really are such regal creatures

[sky-kiss]

Raphael & Jaheira: You All Meet at an Inn

A/N: I had to get an intro out of the way before proper sassing down the line. And apologies, I'm out of practice with writing.

R & J: Let's be honest, his taste in wine is so much better than hers

Like many of his kind, the devil was a series of contradictions. 

Handsome but not striking. Languid, but only on a cursory inspection. A more pointed observation would showcase the taut muscles in his shoulders and thighs, hinting that the lazy rolling motion of his wrist was intentional rather than instinctual. And, perhaps most importantly, despite the ostentatiousness of his garb, rich blues, reds, and golds, which demanded attention and respect, few of the Last Light’s patrons truly saw him. 

Jaheira did not fault them for the oversight. The High Harper noted it with a world-weary amalgamation of affection and exhaustion. Few prey animals noticed the hunter until it was upon them. Man and beast were not such disparate creatures. 

She shifted, rolling her shoulders to alleviate some residual tension—the aches that never seemed to properly fade these days, which had faded until only a decade prior. She should turn him out. And aye, much like the aches, even a decade ago, she might have done something about his presence—but where was the harm? He stuck to his corner and played his games. 

In the darker stretches of the night, his attention shifted away from the lance-board and his books towards the door. The devil waited. 

Jaheira waited, too.  

The devil lifted his head, eyes flicking from the Mystra piece to the Harper. He made a show of it, eyes widening, lips turning up in a smile—noticing her, seemingly for the first time. She snorted, arching a brow. He shrugged, expression relaxing into something more neutral and more genuine, motioning to the seat across from him. 

“You know, I rather wondered which of us would bring our little dance to its close,” he began, voice warm and rich. His lips twitched, expression colored with so many masterful little notes—presumed intimacy, natural familiarity…they might have been old friends meeting for drinks in any alehouse. Easiness and charm…the domain of all his kind. His eyes glittered in the firelight. 

The half-elf sunk into the chair, holding her arms out wide. “Shall we continue circling each other like coquettish maids?” Jaheira waved him off. “Who has time for it?”

“Certainly not you, High Harper. All this,” he motioned around them, attention flicking to the window and the shadows just beyond. “Resting on your shoulders…such a weighty calling.” 

“You offer to take it from me?” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it. You are so…uniquely equipped for these travails.” 

Jaheira snorted. “Let us call it experience—hard won over many years of life.” She tipped her head to the side, regarding him closely. Without a room of distance between them, she could appreciate the more minor details of this mortal form: wrinkles near the corners of his eyes, hints of sunspots across the back of his hands, and streaks of gray brightening otherwise dark hair. He felt fully manifest in a way so many of his ilk failed to recognize—the little things grounded an illusion in reality. “Come, tell me what to call you. In my head, it is ‘devil this, devil that’...tedious.” 

His eyes widened. “You shall have to forgive this lapse in manners—it’s the setting, you see. One really isn’t at their best.” He mimed a bow, someone still regal despite the confines of the chair. “I am Raphael—very much at your service.” 

“A pleasant name! Well-suited to this pleasant face.”  

Raphael hummed. With a snap of his fingers, the lance-board disappeared. In its place, a bottle of brandy. She did not recognize the label’s language. “A devil in your house, and yet…we are rather blase.” 

“Do not take it personally.” She ghosted her fingers across the table. “Gods of death, demon princes…after these things—” his muscles drew taut, eyes narrowing as she spoke. “ —your feathers are very pretty, but… you make for a much smaller bird.” 

To his credit, Raphael laughed. He poured them each a glass of wine. As if in concession, he took the first sip—no poison. Jaheira bowed her head and followed suit. The wine’s bouquet blossomed across her tongue—rich and deep, a hint of cherry and leather giving way to softer, more subtle notes. It reminded her of Calimshan—pleasant evenings before the true weight of adventuring settled on her shoulder…when she’d been young, Khalid at her side. 

The knowing glint in his eye said he’d anticipated such a reaction. A smaller bird, perhaps, but cunning. I have survived so many years, his gaze said, and I have thrived for good reason. 

“To walk so freely on the Prime is no small thing. And you do not seem the sort to bind yourself to the whims of mortals…” she tapped her chin. “A cambion, then.” 

“Are we to trade parlor tricks, my dear? Shall I ask if your house qualified you as a ‘princess’ or a ‘lady’ in Tethyr?” 

“A lady, though my youngest will argue that point till she is blue in the face.” Jaheira held up her glass in salute. “Do not take offense—it was a compliment, one mongrel to another.” 

Raphael chuckled. “One mongrel to another.” The cambion sighed, relaxing back into his seat. He stroked his chin, fingers teasing across the whisper of stubble—not quite a day’s growth, perhaps a matter of hours. A testament to his dedication and vanity—over the past week, he’d never moved from his seat by the window. “Shall we be honest with each other, ladyship?” 

“It depends. Will honestly not make your skin itch?” 

“You wound me. I am a paragon of virtue to friends and clients both. And the honest truth is I am awaiting a favorite distraction of mine.” He sipped his wine again. “I dare say they might even solve the lion’s share of your problems. Interested?” 

She hummed. Jaheira settled more comfortably in her chair. “Sing me your song, lovely bird. Perhaps…we may yet benefit one another.”

#bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #jaheira #high harper jaheira #bg3 fanfiction #sassy old people #sassy old 'not royals' being passive aggressive and bitchy #my writing #i ignored doing an assignment worth 30% of my grade for these hags

[regal-bones]

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[marlynnofmany]

An Impressive Number of Arms

“Hello!” I said, holding up the clear travel crate. “Here are your small hopping animals!” I really wanted to say frogs, but they weren’t from Earth, and neither were the people I was handing them off to.

“Excellent,” said the one-armed alien. She stood more solidly on that single leg than I ever would, regarding me with one large eye. It was weird to see her mouth instead of a breathing mask. The air on her ship was unbearably damp by my standards, and I couldn’t wait to get back on the shuttle.

The other Solo spoke up from behind her, a greenish-blue to her purple-blue. “Do you have the crawling animals too?”

“Yes, sorry,” I said. “Mur is bringing those.” I called back into the open hatch of the shuttle, “Need a hand, Mur?”

“Just double-checking the seal,” my coworker called back. “And why would I need a hand when I have tentacles? Absurd human phrasing.”

I turned back to the clients, setting the crate on a table. “He’ll be right out.”

Before I could get the payment tablet or strike up some small talk, an authority figure walked into the docking bay. Well, hopped. But she made it look regal. And the other two immediately folded in half to bow. I did the same briefly, hoping it was the right amount of deference.

“Are the creatures lively?” she demanded.

“Oh yes,” I said, waving a hand at the crate while keeping my other arm at my side. It wouldn’t do to emphasize my abundance of limbs.

The boss turned her one eye on the purple underling. “Open the lid and check.”

I blurted out, “It’s clear. You can see them.”

That just earned me a glare. “False sides can be faked.”

Yeah, okay. Guess we’re doing this. I shrugged, hoping it looked polite, and stepped back for the purple one to unfasten all the safety catches. Maybe the frogs will behave themselves.

Of course they didn’t. The first one leapt right at my face, and I caught it in midair. Others were springing everywhere with excited little peeps. The purple one shut the lid hastily, but it was much too late.

“Hm. Good,” the boss said. She turned on her heel and bounded toward the door. “Make sure you clean up thoroughly.”

I’d like to say I was flabbergasted at that, but I’d been working with people of one sort or another for long enough to know better. The customer is often an idiot, and you’re obliged to pretend they’re not.

“I got one!” said the green guy. “Open the lid again!”

“The others will get out!” objected the purple one, trying to slap her hand over another tiny frog-thing.

“Who designed this crate?” the green one lamented.

“Here, I can do it,” I said. “I’ve had practice.” The frog I’d caught was small enough to hold in one hand without worrying that I’d squish it, so my other was free to slide the lid back an inch, covering the rest of the opening with my forearm. I dumped the frog in and closed it, then held my hands out for the next one.

The Solos were grateful. We did our best to catch the many little beasties that were spreading across the docking bay. I caught twice as many as they did, and put them all back one at a time.

The green guy shook his head. “That two-armed advantage,” he grumbled.

“We appreciate your help,” said the purple one, giving him a sharp look.

“No problem,” I said. “I’m happy to put my arms to use.” It was only showing off a little to catch two different frogs at once. “I think we’ve got most of them, just missing the ones that have gone into hiding.”

“Hiding inside our shuttle?” asked Mur’s voice.

I looked up to see him posing in the entrance with a frog wrapped in almost every tentacle. He towed the snail crate behind him on a glider pad. The seals looked fine.

I cocked a hip. “Nobody likes a show-off, Mur.”

His grin made him look like a cartoonishly proud squid.

The Solos fell over themselves thanking him. I put my two frogs away, then took his one at a time while the Solos peeked into corners and crevices in search of strays. Eventually they were all back in the crate, none the worse for all the excitement.

I didn’t know if they were destined to be food, royal pets, or something else, but they were healthy and accounted for on my watch, dagnabbit. I even got out the medical scanner to count how many were in the crate, because there was no way they’d hold still long enough to do it the old-fashioned way.

“Yes, that’s all of them!” I declared. The Solos looked visibly relieved. “Good job, team!”

“You’re welcome,” Mur said with false humility.

“Yeah yeah,” I said. “You and your more-arms-than-the-rest-of-us-combined. What took you so long to come out, anyway?”

“Oh, that.” Mur leaned in with a tentacle shielding his mouth from lip-reading on any cameras that might be in place. “Whoever made the snail crate did a bad job. The lid popped open in transit.”

“What?” I asked while the two Solos looked appropriately alarmed.

“Not to worry. I got them all.” He looked exceptionally smug, waving his tentacles gently.

I just shook my head and took out the payment tablet.

“Don’t tell the boss,” said the purple one as she took it. She had to set it on the table so she could use her single hand to tap in the information.

“Not a word,” I promised.

“I will only brag to trusted ears,” Mur said. With a glance at me, he added. “I think now is a fine time for a round of that card-flipping game that you lost so badly at last time. I’m on a roll.”

I pointed a finger at him while I accepted the tablet back with the other hand. “Oh, you are on. There’s no way I’m going to let you be this smug twice in one day.”

He grinned some more. I was pretty sure he was definitely going to be that smug again, but I’d give it my best shot. On the behalf of people with only two arms everywhere.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come!

#my writing #The Token Human #humans are weird #and so are the aliens #haso #hfy #eiad #writeblr #aliens #science fiction

[cor-lapis]

Hello and sorry for this but you've triggered my trap card ™️ with that Furina post.

Basically what it comes down to is that the entire demo is fake ,not because it's not real, but because it's a play!

The whole demo is a show , with Furina of Fontaine as its star, The camera follows her and rarely deviates,but it's also lying to the audience.

The first lie in the demo is to do with her title as the archon of Fontaine, as she is regaled with several titles, but her people don't respect her as much as they view her as a celebrity, someone whose only purpose is to entertain.

The second lie in the demo is the scene with Clorinde, where Furina steps up to fight an enemy that even the champion duelist herself can't handle! Of course the great hydro archon is stronger than her subordinates hahahaha! only for the enemy in question to be revealed to be a blubberbeast, on land, I don't think it's necessary to mention how harmless it is, Clorinde, being used to Furina's antics can do nothing but watch on.

We are then presented with the support actors of the play, being her three little friends, she introduces them to us but she never leaves the frame, they don't take the spotlight that easily.

in the scene where she's swinging,each swing she takes she mimics other archons, the color of the background changes to signify elements , while a character changing sound effect also plays between each swing, She swings like Nahida does in her idle animation, then she plays the lyre like Venti, she takes on the same pose as Ei when she's meditating, and lastly she throws mora for Zhongli.

Therein lies the third lie, being that she's not an archon, not really, not by archon standards anyway,even The Knave thought so, so she mimics other archons to appear like them, additionally,the scene doesn't include a part for herself, because there is no "archon" for her to mimic.

Then we see her second form, the one that has the healing creature instead of the three little animals, the creature itself is never named, it barely has some time on the screen, it's even lower than a support character, it takes the backseat while Furina attacks the enemies, as opposed to how the three little animals were shown a lot more clearly.

This is to symbolize that there are 2 Furinas(not literally) , 1 who is always in the spotlight, boisterous, bratty, showoffish, and loud, and the one that's always hidden because she's not what the first Furina is, but how much of the first is the second?and how much of the second is the first?

After that, the show within a show begins, Furina takes an even more influential role in it, becoming the director! Not only is she the most important character in the play,but she also controls it entirely,She records Charlotte,the one who's always behind the camera,creates improbable but amusing scenes of Childe being chased by melusines, Navia and her group arresting Neuvillette, Lyney's and Lynnette's places being switched, removing Freminet's helmet only to find it full of water, and Clorinde and Wriothesley having a face off.

Then we're presented with her elemental burst, in which Furina grabs the stage and literally throws it in the air, but the stage doesn't disappear,her light covers the edges of the screen, the whole world as we see it has become her stage.

The camera focuses on her as chaos rages on around her, she's having cake, then the "actors" all raise their arms together after the climactic scene,the show within a show ends,the curtains fall, and Furina and her animal friends take a bow, and a second curtain falls to end the show that was containing the one before.

Additional notes,the song that was playing at the second part of the demo is in french it's lyrics are as follows.

excellent summary of what was going on! also made me properly realise we saw Furina becoming a director, rather than an actress 6.6

Also yeah, what's up with the oceanid part of her skill? supporting actor symbolism considering there aren't any more oceanids in fontaine is interesting too

Plus the whole thing with her not being viewed as an archon properly, either by her citizens or by herself, especially considering that she didn't get a swing segment

Although, I've seen theories that the "movie scenes" (childe getting hunted by the melusines, etc)(HILARIOUS btw) are supposed to represent the previous archon quests; does this mean anything for the fact Furina literally decapitated Freminet.......

anyway, thanks for the detailed and insightful analysis! play within a video within a game, huh

#genshin impact #ask #fragrant-bastard #slightly sad for childe that it was a mind palace moment though. he would've loved it #ty for the ask!!!

[cryptid-ghoulette]

The Berry Battle

Something silly for my first ever actual posted fic, enjoy Dew getting into a fight with a forest creature. special shoutout to @sister-nyx, who is the actual best

total fluff but does mention blood WC 635

Dew and Swiss had been at each other's throats all day, bickering and squabbling for reasons nobody could really understand. Everyone was tired of it, so Mountain quietly pulled Dew aside, asking if he wanted to go for a walk in the forest near the abbey together. Dew agreed, knowing some fresh air would do them both good.

Mountain soon wandered off to look at some mushrooms he had spotted in the distance, chattering excitedly to himself. Dew got distracted by a raccoon he saw eating some berries off a bush in a nearby clearing, immediately thinking to himself how tasty they looked (his stomach loudly rumbled in what he assumed was agreement).

Wandering over to grab some, he locked eyes with the small creature, its eyes narrowed and its mouth still full of berries. Unlucky for Dew, his new raccoon friend didn't feel like sharing its snacks, hissing when he got too close, then suddenly launching itself and latching its sharp teeth onto Dew's arm.

Dew let out a pained squeak as he frantically shook his arm, trying to dislodge the angry creature, which let out a low growl and dug its claws into his arm, adding more scratches to his already blood-covered skin. Unsure if it was the pain or the building anger, Dew's brain short-circuited for a second, and he bit one of the growling creature's ears as it clung to his arm. It yelped in pain, finally letting go and quickly scampering off into the trees.

Dew slowly lowered himself to the ground, feeling a little dizzy, muttering angrily under his breath, his shirt and pants now streaked with blood. Mountain overheard the commotion and turned around to see the smaller ghoul sitting in the clearing, stuffing his face with berries with one hand and the other arm, with a small bleeding bite mark, resting across his lap.

Mountain rushed over, bewildered by the lack of concern on Dew's face, who was seemingly still too focused on eating all the berries he could grab. Dew looked up, red smeared around his mouth, extending out a hand to offer Mountain some of the berries, which Mountain cautiously sniffed, checking that the sweet idiot below him hadn't also just poisoned himself. He was relieved when they were just red currants and perfectly safe.

As Dew explained the situation on the walk back to the infirmary, doing his best to make it sound as sane as possible, he watched the earth ghoul's face change from concern, to anger, finally settling on amused frustration. Mountain chuckled but refrained from giving a lecture, knowing that he’d almost certainly get one from the ghoul in the infirmary.

Once they got back, Aether patched him up, cleaning the bite and giving him a fresh rabies shot (with minimal whining; he was actually very brave about the whole thing). He did received a well-deserved stern lecture from the older ghoul, who was desperately trying to remain straight-faced and not burst into laughter at the absurdity of having to explain to his friend why they 'don't bite wild animals', even if "they started it," as Dew was claiming, desperately wishing this was the first and last time he'd have to have a conversation like this with a ghoul (it wasn’t and wouldn't be).

The others noticed the bandage on his arm when he returned to the common room, rushing over to check on him, even Swiss seemed mildly concerned about the fire ghoul despite the tensions earlier in the day. He regaled them with a wild tale about a fierce raccoon that attacked him for no reason and how he bravely fought it off, and Mountain just sat in his chair, reading his book and saying nothing, letting Dew have his moment (at least he and Swiss weren’t fighting anymore).

#the band ghost #ghost bc #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #mountain ghoul #shitghosting #cryptidrambling #cryptidfics

[splintergirl13]

So I try to draw once a month just as a personal goal. And I was struggling with too many big ideas and needed something fun and not as much pressure instead. And so I asked @bi-ocelot for a prompt to draw and they said to draw the trio as dragons. And then I proceeded to have way too much fun creating lore for them and such so feel free to read under the tab this is all just for silly fun though XD

Steve is an underground dragon who is essentially a miner in which he digs and burrows underground. Only going to the surface for certain supplies. He eats a variety of minerals as well as a lot of vegetables and sometimes fish and (if really desperate) axolotls.  His design is based off of a goanna and some other digging reptiles except his head is a little more blocky since he just looked better as a block boy. He uses his nose and horns for pushing dirt. His tail is used to break up big rocks and as protection like an ankylosaurus (except he has more dexterity than that dinosaur had). He places condensed ores on his chest as both a layer of protection (think armor) and as a way to better camouflage into his environment. He can smelt things with his dragon breath (he is the forge). His wings are very bat like and he will curl them around himself but they are very small compared to other dragons so they are really only meant for gliding (think burrowing owl) and going short distances. He can only barely hide himself with the wings. But it works better since he needs to cover up the blue usually he will fold them neatly so only the dark back colors show. But when he gets nervous he will wrap the wings around his head (poorly).  When threatened he usually will curl up on a wall and stay there until someone passes. This dragon can dig for miles with his sharp and strong claws.

Alex is a forest dragon. Very fast and agile. Meant to camouflage in trees (like a tiger) and swoop around (like a falcon or big cat). She eats a very meat based diet of anything she can sneak up on. She has very big haunches for pouncing. Taller than Steve. She is made for quick and efficient kills. I am very much going for a mixture of big cat and quick hunting birds. You would think her mane would cause her to be bad at camouflage but it works just like the orange of a tiger does. Her tail is meant to restrict and pierce. Keeping the larger prey in place. Also makes for good quick swipes if something bigger attacks her. Also works well for balance. Her whiskers allow her to sense prey and movement.

Steve met Alex when he was grabbing trees up on the surface to better prop up his cave. She was hunting in one of the trees, focused on a big prey item that is her favorite, and Steve being very unaware cut down the tree with her in it. She was injured and yelled at Steve that he broke her wing and lost her her lunch and how is she going to live without her wings. He escorts her to his cave and takes care of her while she recovers and they become the best of friends. Both very solitary creatures usually so it is unusual for them to get along. But they do have their silly arguments as Steve didn’t know how to hunt for her at first and really doesn’t like to kill animals. But she shows him her world and he shows her his. They bond with their love for the world.

While I don’t have as much lore for Herobrine that differs from the traditional ‘got his ass banned and beat by the aether’, he is a lava dragon who is very snake like in appearance. Very long body. His tail acts like a scythe. He has sharp teeth and venom. He was discovered by Steve and Alex when Steve started hearing weird things in his cave and asked Alex to come investigate with him. He started off as a beautiful and regal golden dragon and was burned by the fires of the aether (his brother / family) until his very scales burned and became magma itself. When he is calmer the fire dims and he can get a hug or a nuzzle. But when he is freaked out or angry he almost oozes with his lava. His wings are very torn from the beating and so he isn’t a very good flier, but he used to soar high above the clouds. I cannot ever escape the fallen angel trope, sue me.

Anyways this is the time they all first meet. Like I said, Alex followed Steve into the cave thinking he was hearing things and they finally find Herobrine very injured laying in a lava pit to try and recover, but he has a lot of internal injuries from a recent battle. He almost doesnt reveal himself at first but Steve and Alex are bickering about the sounds and so Herobrine just goes "if you two are going to continue to make that much noise, please just finish the job and kill me" in which Steve proceeds to smack the poor guy with his club in surprise and Herobrine's only response is "ow".

Steve proceeds to nurse the dying dragon back to health. Providing him with lots of food which Herobrine refuses to eat (until Steve accidentally leaves out some diamonds and in which the feral dragon goes CHOMP, couldnt resist that snack) and yeah idk other misc things Steve likes to sleep on top of Herobrine who is like a big old hot rock. And they all shed so like Alex sheds like a husky in which she needs to shake all her dead fur and scales off. Steve needs to melt his layer of melted rocks. And Herobrine just stays in lava for a loooooong time. Lol. Uh I could probably continue to brainrot but this has already gotten out of control XD also ignore the background this was just for fun lmao

#tw blood #tw injury #dragons #blorbos #ocs

[descendants-extended]

AK & VK's Hobbies

A lot of the AKS probs do horse-riding too cause rich kids and their parents have pet horses mostly in canon stuff.

Also hanging out with pets for VKs and AKs since they all have pets galore. Though no one has more than Aladdin, Jasmine and their kids’ massive menagerie.

Everyone sings (probs various degrees of good)

Harriet: Likes doodling (not coherent usually & just for her eyes only) and reading.

Harry & CJ: They like to read but mostly for the dramaticness & extraness. And because they are Hook’s kids so classical literature and stuff is easy for them. It’s probably a hobby that surprises people the most!

^ the hook kids’ hobbies are also inspired by chats with @panthera-tigris-venenata

Hook kids may also play some instruments cause their dad does (piano, harpsichord and from jake and the Neverland pirates: the trumpet)

Ben:  Headcanon that he can do some ‘tinkering’ with things. Not full on inventing like his grandfather, Maurice or like Carlos. But it’s a talent he has from spending lots of time with his grandad during his childhood.

He is probably a great assistant/helper! His mode of doing things is trial and error! Though he probably does know the basics pretty well. It helps him relax and calm down. It transports him to simpler times with his grandad and the stories he used to hear.

Audrey: Swordfighting, fencing & jousting with & cause of her parents (mum too cause in one disney picture book Aurora does joust! which is cool of Disney to give us content for. Also Aurora uses a sword in concept art).

Spending time with woodland creatures, hearing stories from her ‘great-aunts’-the 3 good fairies and gramma. She likes foraging. Embroidery and stitching too maybe. Probs likes reading stories too. She also writes her diary.

Gil: possibly woodworking/carpentry? But he values detail, style and elegance and likes engraving it with art unlike his father who only cares about its functionality and just generally leaves it like bare and crude. People also hc he likes gardening which is cute!

Hunting responsibly? A take I heard once. Like he only takes what he needs and sometimes just enjoys running after animals and not actually hunting if that made any sense.

‘Uma’s wicked book for VKs’ said he made Uma and Harry’s outfits for em I think so he’s a fashion designer too? Or maybe they gave him special instructions that he followed. Good for him. Cause dude can still sew then.

Jay & Jade: Practicing disguises (Jafar & Nasira both got disguises in canon so like just a family thing). Practicing magic when they get to Auradon (Jay is 1/4th Genie in mine. Plus Jafar & Nasira do have some magic of their own so do Jay & Jade).

Anthony: reading, upcycling outfits & accessories (because a line in the 1st book saying his outfits look regal & tailor-made somehow though they’re made of the same materials other’s outfits are made of. He generally makes any outfits work but further elevated by him tailoring stuff).

He likes spending time with his mum, siblings, cousins, pet(s) & his bestie, Eddie Balthazar! Loves throwing parties (based on the 1st ‘isle’ book again, saying he throws great parties)- he just enjoys the effort, the pay off & it helps him unwind (good for him. ambivert vibes).

Thinking up business strategies, accounting & book keeping! (Why are these in his hobbies? He finds it pretty fun when it all works out. So generally ‘plotting’? Yeah. Likes things organised), being a taste tester for his sibling’s food creations (they’re just good at it), dignifiedly sassing annoying isle people (mostly villains, some won’t get it sometimes) & learnin‘ stuff like languages!

He can play the piano but not really something he likes as much (wind instruments aren't his thing just like they weren’t his mum’s thing). Probs likes the idea of dueling but not exactly good at it?

Hadie: Likes rock & roll music like his dad, maybe he likes giving himself new piercings as a hobby? (met someone who did this irl! sounds cool but be careful). Likes to be a pest to the villains who are horrible parents and people (like him bothering Frollo to do his fortune quite regularly- @panthera-tigris-venenata made a post bout this! Give it a read, it's such a treat).

is the prince of the underworld so he likes to practice magic with his dad though you don’t really see results on the isle cause of the no-magic nature of the barrier (I suppose other magic users also found it very hard learning magic without well, magic! His irises glow yellow sometimes & his blue hair lights on fire so some magic still is kinda visible.)

Likes hanging out with his friends! Oh and his cousin, Freddie (if one hcs Freddie being Ursula’s daughter which I adore) and by extension Celia (who isn't Ursula’s kid in mine so not his blood cousin but he still treats her like one)

Chad: Dude won’t ever admit it but doing chores helps him clear his head and he likes cleanliness cause his mom wanted to still know some responsibility (never forced him to do it though).  Likes sports and also shopping! He can sew but like only repair stuff. He can cook some basics but not a hobby of his and not something he ever has to do.

Jenna, Rafi, Salima, Aziz (& their two lil siblings in mine): Hanging out with family, friends and pets.

All love going on long magic carpet rides. (‘Borders? Air traffic? Aw, bless your heart.’ They have like no need for passports on carpet rides & Agrabah’s got it as a clause in their agreement. The royal family doesn’t need those. (reminds me of how irl the British royal family’s head doesn’t need a passport). They have passports though. This is a new idea I just had & yeah. Can have a lot of exploration).

They love travelling. Probs try different modes of travel.

Aziz can Skateboard (based on Jasmine skateboarding in an Aladdin console game XD. Can't remember which game it was rn. But ‘Nasira's Revenge’ maybe? Feel free to correct me if I remembered the wrong game. While trying to find a pic, I found a doll of Jaz with Carpet as a skateboard so interesting.)

Anxelin & Ruby: Too many cause of their mom, Rapunzel's many hobbies and how it inspired them. They love trying out new stuff and are pretty adventurous. Their favourite book series is obv the 'Flynnigan Rider series'.

inspo from this post from @dragoneyes618: here

This is it so far. Maybe this is a part 1? Depends.

#disney descendants #ben florian #hadie descendants #anthony tremaine #gil legume #harry hook #cj hook #harriet hook #chad charming #aziz descendants #jenna rafi and salima #audrey rose #jay descendants #jade descendants #jay son of jafar #anxelin fitzherbert #ruby fitzherbert #posting after sooooo long but yay #Some hobbies for em

[bokutosmochi]

THE JELLYFISH AND THE PIRANHA ♡ MIYA ATSUMU

miya atsumu x gn!reader

"two orders of drinkable ice cream for miya atsumu and @qichun please!"

ingredients? knowing how much you love sea creatures, atsumu decides to take you to an aquarium for your first date.

what's it? fluff in the beginning and a hint of crack/humor by the end

allergen warnings? n/a

sugar level? 0.7k

regulars? @tokyometronetwork @tahonet

parlor's note? i adore sea creatures and i already had an idea like this on my notes so i really enjoyed writing this -- researching was also very enjoyable.

bon appetit!

atsumu was the one to suggest going to the famous osaka aquarium kaiyukan for your first date. as the black jackals' manager, the two of you have spent so much time together so the setter was well aware of how much you loved animals, sea creatures especially. "it's supposed 'ta be visually stunnin'" he said, when he asked you out, but right now as you stood in front of the tank of various colorful tropical fish, his eyes were elsewhere; the so-called visually stunning sight not at all in his line of sight. instead, his large brown orbs were focused on nothing but you.

he admired the way the blue hue of the water reflected on your face. your face was already glowing with happiness, a rare kind of sparkle in your eye that's only brought on by genuine happiness and the shades of azul lighting hightlighted your features making you look like flawless in atsumu's eyes.

he swore, he felt his heart stop when you turned to look at him with the sweetest smile on your face, "'tsumu! look, it's dory!" you beamed at him, pointing at the familiar looking fish, a school of palette surgeonfish also known as the blue regal tang, or dory as you so affectionately called it swam right in front of you in the great barrier reef tank of the aquarium.

"you" you look like you should be a model "you're such a child." he grumbled thankfully - he knew you would never let him live it down if he told you that on the first date - being able to catch himself mid sentence. "'course ya would say that the blue tangs are dory." he rolled his eyes.

you laughed at his reaction and shook your head. "oh please, you can't convince me that wasn't your first thought too."

you held his hand in yours and pulled him to the next fish tank.

it was then that atsumu thought taking you to an aquarium for your first date was fate and a genius decision on his part for more ways than one: firstly, going to this aquarium was on his bucketlist, supposedly one of the best attractions osaka offered so he killed two birds with one stone - and even better, he was able to share this moment with you - secondly, you were absolutely enamored with marine animals so this couldn't be considered a lazy date on his part - and although there was nothing wrong about some lazy dates, that was not how miya atsumu rolled. he was there to be the best, to be a one of kind, and undoubtedly the best you could ever have, and thirdly - the one he was the most thankful for - you cannot see him blush while you held his hand because of how dark it was.

according to the signage by the tank, this one is the ecuador rain forest tank. atsumu laughed at some of the fishes swimming about making you smack his arm lightly -- some people were starting to stare.

"that one's you." he said, pointing to the red piranha floating above a log-like decor, then paced steps ahead into the jellyfish tank. "and this one's obviously me." he pointed to a bolinopsis mikado.

you shot him a glare as he walked back over to where you stood. "you're so rude, miya. this is why our pr team prefers bokuto-san over you." you crossed your arms then went back to gazing at the fishes.

"aw, c'mon," he chuckled, wrapping his arms around your figure from behind and propping his chin on the top of your head. "ya should be flattered a gorgeous, mystical jellyfish like me hangs out with a piranha like you."

you narrow your eyes and immediately shrug away from his hold, making him stumble forward and pout at you.

"you know, miya, i usually kiss on the first date, but i think i'm gonna make an exception for you." there's no bite to your bark, only a light-hearted teasing, but atsumu trails behind you whining all the same.

i get: reblog

you get: marine animal stuffed toy

#order of the day! #order up for atsumu! #one black sesame mochi #with a side of coconut italian ice #with a side of orange creme italian ice #atsumu fluff #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #atsumu x y/n #atsumu one shot #atsumu scenarios #atsumu miya fluff #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya x you #atsumu miya x y/n #atsumu miya one shot #atsumu miya scenarios #a date with u event

[igotanidea]

Extraordinary : The Sandman x chronicles of Narnia crossover

YAY! Here we go!

Please do not get attached to the timeline, I'll work it out in time :D

This is just a little preview, let;s see where it takes us.

***

Every living being has to dream.

A human. Sure, but it’s not the only one that populate the world.

An animal. Obviously, however it’s not scientifically proven that those are capable of dreaming.

But what if we dare to think bigger?

What if we reached beneath things that are possible and actually exist to the point when we can see them with our own eyes?

Do you believe in magic?

Can you imagine that somewhere beyond reality, there are multiple fantastic realms and creatures only waiting to find them?

Would you dare taking such an adventure?

How about we take a couple steps into an empty room in some old mansion on the suburbs. Nothing exceptional, really, just four corners, a floor and a ceiling. And a wardrobe, nearly as ancient as the house itself, full of winter coats, half-eaten by moths. Can you feel this characteristic smell? Isn’t it strange how all of a sudden the fur seem like branches of trees, gently tickling your skin? Don’t you think it’s amazing how with every move the wardrobe is expanding and a few minutes later you are no longer inside an aged building, but in the middle of flowery meadow, full with sunlight and with few ethereal human-shaped entities. Nymphs? Dryads? It’s your choice.

“A daughter of Eve” whispers not louder than a breath of wind barely reach your ears and leaves you bewildered. You ask no questions just watching this delicate beings gather round in anticipation. No one dares a move to prevent this silent, fleeting moment from being disrupted.

Do you still remember where you came from? Or did you already forget the reality? No one would blame you for that.

 “Where am I?” you finally murmur to the group in front of you.

“You are in Narnia” the boldest and most beautiful of them steps forward. “Welcome, traveler.” She nods her head slightly and almost hypnotized by her graze and nobility you mirror the move “we shall take you to King Aslan. He is the one who summoned you here.”

“Summoned” you slowly open your eyes wider trying to adapt this information “why?”

“That is a question you should be asking our King, dear. If you allow me, I will show you the way and escort you to the palace. You are a guest here.”

With another gentle movement the nymph takes you hand. Her touch feels like a silk on the forearm and when you lock eyes you have no further wish to leave. Your plain clothes are now changed into long, blue robes – a skirt and an oddly comfortable corset and your hair are no longer a messy bun but beautifully braided and pinned in elaborate headdress. You fell calmness and peace. Everything laying in front of you – you are more than ready for this adventure. Let’s take the path winding through the forest. Let’s dare a walk through the palace, surrounded by the nymphs and their joyful, happy presence.

“King Aslan will see you now” as you reach the gates of the chateau your companions disperse back in the forest leaving you by yourself.

Do you feel that tingle in the fingertips?  That little thrill of excitement as you ascend the steps? A bit of trembling in the legs and the fastened heartbeat making the heat rise to your cheek?

“My child” deep, silent and royal voice comes from the right. Is that the King himself?

How do you imagine him?

Tall, golden-haired, blue-eyed?

Dressed in magnificent robes, similar to yours? Sitting on the throne looking down at your figure on the steps?

He is all of it. And nothing at the same time.

The giant lion with rich mane blowing in the wind coming from the window. Lightened by the sun, making him look almost unreal.

This is real. You see him and he looks at you with the most gentle and regal expression.

“King Aslan” you bow you head in respect.

Is it not amazing how quickly you adapted to the place you arrived at? How fast you accepted this place as yours.

“Raise, my child. I summoned you here for important matter. I believe we shall discuss it in details. Take a walk with me. “

And that is how it all starts.

Do you remember what I said at the beginning of this adventure?

There are multiple mystical Realms.

Hundreds of supernatural creatures.

And all of them has to sleep. And dream.  

***

I'm tagging everyone who were interested in this story under one of my previous posts, but the list is always open so just let me know if you want in or out.

@somest1 @pinksirensong @farintonorth @damianodavidhands @alrendriablaze @arim0895 @kiwiiiiiiluk @fizz-flat @sorrowfulfragmentation @moonstarjas @shadowsholdsecrets @urshowercurtain @chatoicboy @superwholockbooknerd526 @tree-of-blue-squirrel @starlightaurorab @pearlstiare @deniixlovezelda @hikariasanare @readingreaver @c0tt0ntailbxnny @disapproving-ghost @sammydami @blueroseabundance @noachingu @aletheiarynne @cheech-11

#the sandman #morpheus x reader #the chronicles of narnia #prince caspian #fanfiction #crossover #narnia

[koolkat9]

For England: 👻 🍀

For Germany: 🎨 🐱

Send my muse an icon, and they will…

England

👻 tell a fear they have

Hmm...Being controlled. Specifically stems from how many times he was invaded during his early life, separating him from loved ones, forcing a child to have only himself to rely on. It was dark times and he doesn't want to go through something like that again (which is one of the reasons he became an empire, so he wouldn't be in that position again, and instead he became the very thing that had scared him in the past)

🍀 regale a time when luck was on their side

There was probably quite a few. Being thousands of years old means you probably get into a lot of shit and sometimes you get lucky. But what first comes to mind is almost drowning but getting saved by some creature before he could get caught in a death loop of dying, coming back to life and dying again.

Germany

🎨 tell you a skill or talent few know of that they have

Dude is an amazing dog groomer.

🐱 talk about their favorite animal/pet

Dogs. This man loves dogs. He can identify every breed and knows exactly how to care for each one. His three to four dogs (because I really want to give him a dachshund too but haven't implemented it into my main headcanon yet) are his babies and people are surprised how spoiled they are when first meeting Lud because he seems like such a strict person but lets the dogs get away with so much. But they're also well trained and are good boys and girls. I like to think one of them (Aster) is a service dog because she started to pick up on ways to help ground him during PTSD episodes or when he gets overstimulated.

#hetalia #hws england #hws germany #headcanons #hetalia headcanons #ask game #headcanon ask game #headcanon asks

[landwriter]

CHOMP CHOMP eating up the WIP list 😋

I can already tell that #4 and #9 are going to make me absoLUTELY LOSE MY MIND (for very different reasons) (I'm begging, actually).

But IF you do not mind I am also very curious to hear what you are going to do with the extinct animal in #13 and if you have an idea of what sort of animal you will choose :)

TY xoxo

Theoretically it'll last you forever because I doubt I'm ever going to actually 'finish my WIPs' hahaha. In reverse order:

[choose extinct animal] is for the Dreamling Bingo prompt Last Of Their Kind. I have done a grand total of ZERO FUCKEN FILLS for my card but I do have ideas! Ideas that I will definitely and totally get to once I finish Oaths and my other mostly-done nonsense. I have not looked into animals at all and have written exactly two lines for this:

In the beginning, creatures were new. Then they were were many. Now they are few. There are as many lasts in succession as there were once firsts, and this, Dream thinks, is in its own way beautiful.

It will be a short story about The Very Distant Future wherein Death is just about ready to pack up the chairs and turn out the lights, and Hob and Dream are very old husbands who have seen a great deal, but Hob not quite so much as Dream. A tender fic, and a sad one, probably, not from Hob's POV because I could not bear it at all, but from Dream, who regales Hob with stories about a nascent Earth filled with dreaming creatures, while the watch the last dreams of entire species. Thus the note: The first time they watched the last dream of a species was X - [choose extinct animal].

#9 is going to be my attempt at, like, a horror/love story that is really tender as well as increasingly unnerving :^)

[tits in front of mirror] is 2K of deleted sex scene WIP from Death of Translation. I stole a bunch of lines originally from that scene and never even got to the fucking (or the [tits in front of mirror], as you can tell) but at some point I am sure I am going to want to write Dream Maritally Banging Hob In Front Of A Mirror With Gratuitous Amounts Of Middle English, because that is who I am.

Have an excerpt under the cut just for fun!

“Look,” says Dream, “Look at yourself, Hob Gadling.”

“Speak it here, speak it while you can watch,” he commands, and Hob, shuddering, does. He speaks the oldest thing about his stranger, Saxon and French meeting in the middle to make English, ‘e’s like exhales, like offerings.

“Myn straunger with derkest cloth an heere. I fol-hope we schul be frendis dere.”

In the mirror he sees it like he could not before, the way Dream looks at him. As he speaks, Dream shakes head, and says, “No. No, it was no foolish hope. Myn ful dere friend. I would be no stranger to you. I have been trying. But I would you knew me as well as your own heart.”

“I thought-” says Hob, and Dream turns then, suddenly, and catches all the words in his mouth, and swallows them that had been forgotten, them that had been spilled out and not understood before, them that he had trapped behind his teeth and bitten into his tongue.

“You are not a mortal,” says Dream, pulling away spare moments later, as Hob is still gasping, and he does not understand the words, but guesses at the translation as Dream curls himself entirely around him, wrapping around his chest and waist, pulling him flush, looking at him again through the mirror: I permit myself this.

“Not for centuries,” he says.

WIP asks (via random notes-to-self in them)

#asks #filename asks redux #the sandman #wips #dreamling

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Do you think traveler Gai had a steed in GOS?

Like the turtle I imagined was given to him by a shamen/ high priestess/ old spiritual leader of some sort (I just really like that idea of old magic woman helping being the guide to their spunky protagonist XD. Also she sees Kakashi and Obito and instantly is like "damn! You two gods?! To what do I owe the pleasure?" ) and she gave him Ningame to help keep him sane in isolation. To give him something to love, care for, and keep him company. To have something familiar as he journey's through unfamiliar land. After all, Sometimes the best way to protect and care for yourself, is to have something depend on you, and for you to care for it in turn. (She may not have told him this directly though. Keep that okd "mysterious woman" thing going XD).

But I think a steed would also be lovely and practical! At first I pictured a horse, but that seemed a but too...regal... it was just not the right vibe. Then I went through a bunch of animals; ox, donkey, some sort of deer antelope hybrid I saw in Princess Monokoke (this world has gods/ mystical creatures, I feel like it would also have rad hybrids!).

In the end I thought, wouldn't it be cool if he had a Yak! Something that has been domesticated, can be ridden, is from more mountain areas, and would always showcase how he comes from a far off land! And it would help carry his stuff!!!

Do you think he has a steed of some kind, or at least started off with one, but sadly lost it amoung the way. (He is fighting a lot of evil creatures and people... someone or something may have attacked/ atolen/ ate his noble steed 😢).

I can see him having a Yak because his (original) village is surrounded by mountains so while he may not need a yak in the area he’s coming from, somewhere deep down he knows it will be useful in the long run.

Plus it’s an energetic little friend! He’s certain he’ll get far with his little Yak buddy

As for Ningame, i think the Mysterious old woman would give that specific animal to him for the same reason any mysterious old woman would

She can see he’s connected to turtles/tortoises. It’s written in his very being, and when she see’s the god of storms hanging around him the next time they meet (she can see through mortal disguises for sure) she knows it was the right choice

After all, Kakashi is the one who created turtles and tortoises and now he’s hanging around this man who loves them. It was obviously meant to be (she also may happen to die shortly after, so thankfully the god of death is nearby)

[eldritch-spouse]

I think that Nebul is a snake person

And by that I mean I think he really, really likes snakes I mean, forget about all the fucking symbolism (I think Nebul would find the whole Adam and Eve thing with the snake interesting), they're long, noodle shaped, have boopable snouts and scare the absolute shit out of people

Imagine if his Pearl works at a zoo as a caretaker and takes him to see the rattlesnakes, cause they make funny sounds :)

When you think about it, Purpur is like a snake ball, so it's not that surprising that Nebul would get along well with the reptilian sort.

Being the spiritual nut that he is, Nebul understands the symbolism of these animals and definitely finds them to be regal, admirable. He doesn't own any himself, but has interacted with a few in past times. Religions of all sorts have fascinating interpretations of the snake, and Nebul often wonders if siadar could have, in some way, influenced this perception of the creatures.

A Pearl who works at a zoo is not getting rid of Nebul anytime soon. Usually, animals avoid heralds of tragedy such as wraiths, but Nebul has worked very hard to gain the trust of animals in spite of his nature, using it to induce calm. He shows up in the zoo at random intervals while you're working, maybe causing a diversion or two, just to stress you out enough so that the wraith can benevolently offer to eat your stress away.

#Nebul oc

[serpulalacrymans]

Ahh, sika deer are adorable little fellows, I find them to be some of the most unique cervids out there! I adore how vocal they are. Did you know they have 10 unique types of vocalizations ? I think they fit you, in a way, the scruffy but precious look is rather adorable, in my opinion. It's rather silly, but I love asking the "which animal/deer do you relate to ?" Question because it gives me an opportunity to compare myself to others... not in a bad way! I just love taking notes of the little details that make us all so different.

How have you been, friend ? I hope you have been well <:-).

I'm sorry it took so long to answer you... It will hopefully not happen again. A lot was going on. Hopefully I can get back on track now.

That's a good question to ask. To find relation or difference in yourself and others while remaining polite and acceptable. I've never considered that before.. Thank you.

They're such talented creatures and they don't even know. I think they're very cute as well. Especially the ones with a lot of fur around the neck and big antlers. The shapes fit together nicely and it gives them this regal quality. Like I want to itch my fingers through their fur. 💙💙💙

Do you really think they fit me?.. That's very nice... Thank you. I think elks fit you perfectly. They have this rugged elegance that I often find laced through your words sometimes. Thank you for asking about me..

I've been. But I will get better. I hope the world has been treating you well.

#thank you for all the kind words #i need some kindness right now

[mortemoppetere]

TIMING: current LOCATION: axis investigations PARTIES: @eldritchaccident & @mortemoppetere SUMMARY: teddy hires emilio for an important job.  CONTENT: mentions of animal cruelty

Some ideas start off big. Jump into the mind fully formed like Athena bursting from Zeus’ forehead. All regal and perfect from the very beginning. Others start as a speck. Nothing but a simple notion. An amusement. Budding from a part of a conversation or even just an observation about something. This particular idea snowballed quickly into a plan of action, but only after Teddy found something they absolutely hadn’t been expecting to. Something to care for. 

On a lovely little swim out in the ocean, Ted found something awful. Several awful things. Traps. Obviously they were nothing to a ten ton sea monster but to the little things caught in the rusted iron and twine, it was cruel. Awful. They appeared abandoned, even though some of them had things inside. Made the demon fill with rage and sorrow and all those other things that never really had a place inside a demon at all. They were supposed to care about themselves and their family. That’s all that really mattered, right? But seeing the small creature still clinging to its parent long after she was cold and starting to bloat… it made something stir inside the massive beast. 

Okay who’s kidding? Teddy had a heart the size of… well the size of a kaiju. It just didn’t always show in the normal or right way. While they could hold the most tender of care for the little otter, they still needed some kind of outlet for the fire sparked by seeing a poor creature discarded like that. Someone needed to be punished for this. Someone needed to take responsibility for the life they took, and the pup they orphaned.

But Teddy had never been a particularly good tracker. 

That’s where the snowball came in. 

Emilio Cortez said they’d accept any case, if someone paid. The demon was sure that the man hadn’t meant for Teddy to take that as a reason to hire him. But y’know. They also figured it would annoy the shit out of him. Glorious. Another chance to see how the hell that strange man ticked. And to first hand judge his detective skills. Earn a yelp review and all that. It took almost no time between finding the little otter and fully committing to the idea of using the world’s worst guy to track down whoever laid those traps. 

With the swaddled pup in hand, hair still wet from shifting back still under the waves, and a determined grin on their face; Teddy knocked on the door to Axis Investigations. And waited. 

—

He was tired. He was always tired, but considering he hadn’t had a wink of sleep since his last attempt saw him waking up in a cold sweat with Flora’s name weighing heavy in his throat, he was a little more tired than usual. Perro seemed to recognize it, though whether it was by Emilio’s disheveled appearance or by some strange change in smell that he wasn’t privy to, he couldn’t say. He didn’t figure it mattered much. What mattered was the way the tiny dog had plopped himself down in Emilio’s lap the moment he took a moment to sit on the couch and refused to move, like he’d assigned himself the case of making sure his owner didn’t get up until he figured he should. 

It would have been easy enough to pick the dog up and move him, of course, but there was something so endearing about the whole thing that Emilio just let it happen. It was kind of nice, anyway, that weight on his legs. He was as close to relaxed as he’d been in a while, absently stroking Perro with one hand while he scrolled on his phone with the other. 

But… not so relaxed that he didn’t hear it. The shuffle of feet in the hall, the unmistakable way they stopped in front of his door. Before Emilio could decide whether or not he was going to entertain whoever or whatever was on the other side, Perro leaped from the couch and launched himself over to the door, barking in a way that was fairly uncharacteristic. He scratched a single paw frantically against the door, yapping excitedly. 

“All right, all right,” Emilio grumbled, gritting his teeth against the ache in his leg as he pulled himself to his feet. “Christ, I’m coming.” He leaned down, scooping Perro up to prevent him from darting out the door and pulling it open.

Of all the things he expected to see there, Teddy Jones wasn’t among them. “No,” Emilio said flatly, slamming the door shut again. Perro whined, squirming in his arms as his lone front leg desperately attempted to find traction against the door again. “That guy’s an asshole,” Emilio told the dog, loud enough that Teddy could probably hear it. “You’re better off not getting to know them. Trust me.” 

—

Okay. To be honest, that went better than expected. Emilio had picked Option C out of all the possible ways Teddy had brainstormed for this interaction. They were always trying to plan ahead like that. Make a script for any interaction that might come up so they could have a calculated response. (Option G was very funny to the demon and quite frankly it was rude of Emilio to not have taken that particular avenue.) But there were no punches. No shouting. And no shotgun leveled at their head. Good! Meant there was still a possibility for success. 

An anxious and giddy energy wormed throughout the lad in the hall. It wasn’t hard to see they were shifting their weight from foot to foot. Like a lightning bolt looking for the best path of egress. It was exciting being here. In a way Teddy wasn’t super familiar with. Of course they had messed with people before, but this was… different. Emilio was different. Teddy couldn’t get a read on him and that pissed them off even more. Who was he, like really? Deep down. What was the source of all those scowls, and all that obvious guilt over something… Well something that Teddy didn’t know yet. Might never. And that ate at them. Teddy didn’t care much for not knowing. 

“C’mon. I’m here to hire you Mr. Detective.” Teddy kept the tone light. Pleasant. Figuring the happier they sounded the more it would piss off Emilio. He seemed like the sort to writhe in other’s enjoyment. Like seeing a smile actually gave him an allergic reaction. “I thought you’d take any job, or was that a lie?” 

The little shape in their arms began to squirm, probably from hearing all the commotion and the barking. Might not have been the best idea to bring it but the little guy was already so cold and fragile. It needed feeding regularly and there wasn’t really anyone Ted could turn to who could drop everything to look after an otter pup that was probably not going to make it anyway. The demon wouldn’t let that happen though. Even if they had to resort to… more creative methods. Outside of what you might find at the vets. 

“Hey, hey, It’s alright Pascal. The big mean detective isn’t the one who hurt your mama.” Softly (but with a hunch about the PI’s ability to hear) Teddy comforted the tiny thing. A few squeaks and it was content to snuggle up back to sleep. Good. 

— 

They wanted to hire him? In retrospect, Emilio should have seen this coming. Teddy had asked one too many questions about his business, from the stupid fucking reviews to what kind of cases he took. And it was clear they had money. They’d said as much when they’d made their ‘bet,’ though Emilio could have guessed it without the confirmation. Teddy carried themself like someone with money. Not in a bad way, but certainly in a noticeable one. More noticeable, perhaps, to someone with passable skills as a detective.

Still, after everything, the guy had to be nuts to think that Emilio would take on whatever bullshit case they were making up just to irritate him. He had enough real cases to pay the bills just fine. He didn’t need whatever Teddy had invented to make themself more annoying for the week. 

“I’ll take any job if it’s real. You’ll have to hire someone else to find where you left your dignidad.” Perro let out another whine, and Emilio shook his head. The dog wasn’t usually this adamant about befriending people, even people of the supernatural variety who he seemed to prefer. Maybe it had something to do with whatever supernatural variety Teddy was. Even through the door, Emilio could smell the faint sulfur that had been present every time he’d run into them so far, and the glimpse he’d gotten of their eyes when their glasses fell askew on their houseboat was enough confirmation on its own. To say nothing of their miraculous recovery after falling off that roof. 

Whatever Teddy was, it didn’t matter much. What mattered was that they were annoying. That was what Emilio was choosing to focus on.

He turned, ready to leave the door to go grab a drink when Teddy’s soft voice cut through the silence. It sounded like they were speaking to something. An animal? They’d certainly shown a fondness for them in the alley, with the baukbear and the hellhound. Perro whined again, and Emilio sighed, curiosity getting the better of him. 

Walking back to the door, he yanked it open and narrowed his eyes, looking first to Teddy and then to the bundle in their arms. It was small, shivering. Perro squirmed, trying to get a better look, and Emilio scratched his ear absently to calm him. Teddy had said something about the creature’s mother, before. It wasn’t hard to guess how they might have come into possession of it. “You’ve got five minutes,” the detective said flatly. “If this is something stupid, I’m kicking you out and charging you anyway.” And if it wasn’t… he was going to need to make another trip to the liquor store.

—

“Whoever said it wasn’t real? That’d be wasting both our time.” A pause. “I don’t think I’ve ever had whatever that is.” Teddy, of course, knew Spanish quite fluently, and the word itself wasn't even that different, but thought it funny to pretend. Like it might make the man slip up and give some crucial piece of backstory that made everything finally make sense. If that meant playing dumb, then they’d be dumb. It wasn’t like Emilio was shy about calling them an idiot anyway. Might as well give him some credence to go off of. Plus, Teddy really hadn’t ever had any dignity. Not that they cared to keep anyway. That was kind of a human concept. Lost completely on them. Maybe even if they had been raised by the folks who gave them up. 

Teddy was ready to turn, try the next step in subsection alpha of option c. Shoot a message online, with pictures and a more convincing sob story, but– the door opened. A bemused smirk crept across the demon’s smug face. Then brightened considerably now that they got a good look at Emilio’s own bundle of fluff. “This must be the amazing Perro. Doesn’t that mean dog or something?” The demon shrugged, and waltzed into the office like they belonged there. 

“I still think he deserves a better name than that, and a better owner for sure. But, hey at least he looks happy.” A point for the detective. Small dogs were so prone to anxiety, but the little guy looked snug as a bug. One that was very interested in Teddy’s own little guy, but hey. It’s not every day you get to see an otter. 

“Eh, call that a consultation fee. You should be charging that already. Maybe that’s why your place looks like it used to be a recycling center.” What was it about Emilio that brought out such a bitchy side to the demon? Normally they weren’t one to make comments about people’s lifestyles. So often it wasn’t something they could control that it was kind of shitty to make fun of. Maybe it was just that it reflected the garbage attitude of the garbage man. Cavalierly, Teddy dropped a hundred dollar bill down on the desk. Along with the bag they’d shuffled in with. A brown paper thing, the kind that really only ever hid one kind of thing. Heavy, glass, and matching the decor of the room around them. 

“You struck me as a Jack Daniel’s kind of guy. I was thinking maaaaybe Seagram's or Jim Beam, but then I remembered the dumb jacket. Guys in dumb leather jackets always like Jack Daniel’s. And I’m not the kind of asshole who shows up unannounced without some kind of gift.” Partially a dig at the detective’s decorum the very first time they met, partially just an explanation. Teddy’s free and slid over the top of the bag, pushing it down slightly to reveal the whiskey inside. “Seal’s still shut. Figured this might buy me a few more minutes after the first five.” 

— 

“You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who gives a shit about wasting their own time if it means you get to annoy someone else in the process,” Emilio returned dryly. He snorted as Teddy claimed they’d never had any dignity to begin with. The language barrier was usually a thing that frustrated him — no one liked being misunderstood — but sometimes, it offered gifts like this one. Listening to someone you didn’t like inadvertently insult themself due to not understanding what was being said was a small blessing, but certainly still a blessing. “That might be the first true thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

Of course, any amusement was short-lived when Teddy’s face on the other side of that apartment door was just as annoying as it ever was. They still looked like shit. Emilio knew he did, too (he might even look worse now, thanks to a few extra sleepless nights), but knowing that Teddy hadn’t been having an easy time made him feel a little better. (He’d just ignore that odd, sinking feeling in his gut at the sight of their still-fading bruises; that was nothing.) “It means stop looking at my dog,” he said, a little defensive as he set Perro down on the ground. The dog delightedly pranced over to Teddy’s boot, sniffing it before looking back up at the otter in their arms. 

A flash of something that was almost hurt went across Emilio’s face at the insistence that Perro deserved a better owner, though it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Who gave a shit if Teddy thought he was a shitty dog owner? They’d just come prancing into his apartment with a wild animal in their arms. They probably weren’t an expert on pet ownership. He settled for a glare in lieu of a response, walking over to his desk.

“If you’re here to insult my apartment and tell me I’m a shitty dog owner, this meeting’s going to last even less than five minutes.” But he scooped up the cash wordlessly, stuffing it into his pocket before Teddy could change their mind. The bill didn’t capture his attention nearly as much as that brown paper bag, though. The way the glass thumped against the wood was all-too-familiar. Part of Emilio hated the instant hold it had over him, the way his fingers twitched before Teddy had even let go of the bottle. It didn’t used to be this bad; that seemed to be the story of his life, these days. Nothing used to be as bad as it was now. 

Reaching out, he took the bottle and inspected it. The seal was still intact, and though the paranoid part of his mind insisted that that didn’t necessarily mean it hadn’t been tampered with, the dryness of his mouth was louder. Untwisting the cap, Emilio took a swig from the bottle and sighed. At least this might make the meeting almost bearable. “Tell me what you want,” he said, “and maybe I won’t kick you out.”

—

“Maybe some days, or when it’s just me. But I’m not the one this case is for.” Teddy shrugged, this kind of thing wasn’t much of an insult to the demon. Humans were always going to assume the worst, even without knowing what Teddy was. It just happened. Made living in one area for any long period of time harder than it needed to be. And they were still trying to reconcile with that. Wicked’s Rest was different. You were kind of allowed to be different there too. But only a little. Otherwise you got hunters and people with pitchforks coming to your house and… well. Sometimes you knocked on their doors too. Still no confirmation on whether or not Mr. Cortez was human-extra or not, and definitely no idea of which flavor of hunter he might be. Garbage flavored. Smoke flavored? Unimportant. 

“And hey, I don’t lie as much as you assume. I’ve only lied to you… technically three times, but two were lies of omission so they barely count.” None of that mattered. This wasn’t about Teddy. It was about Pascal, and his mom, and the fact that someone was setting traps in the ocean and leaving them to rot with whatever poor animals they had captured. 

A long suffering sigh escaped the demon as they watched Emilio’s reactions. Studying his expressions while muting their own. The same easy smile lingering through every insult and every accurate assessment of their character. Teddy’s attention turned to what was the most important thing in the room, at least right then. The little bundle and the mystery it held. 

“Well, Detective, I’m sure you’ve noticed this new accessory I’ve been carrying. Perro sure has, and Sir-” Ted turned to address the dog as if he were another person. “I’m very sorry for not petting you, you are absolutely adorable and I would under any other circumstance, even if your owner would probably chop off my hands for doing so–” Back at the grumpy would-be-hand-chopper. “But anyway, I ran into this guy out on the ocean. He and his mom were tangled up in these old nasty looking traps. His mom didn’t make it. I wanna find the asshole who put them there.” 

— 

That was interesting, though not entirely surprising. Emilio doubted Teddy gave much of a shit about human well-being — their treatment of Joy, however well-deserved it might have been, was proof enough of that — but they’d certainly proven that they cared about animals. And Emilio could respect that. He preferred animal company to the company of people, too, particularly when the people in question were as annoying as Teddy. It was clear that, whatever Teddy’s reason for being here, it was tied to the otter in their arms. The very presence of the animal was enough of a clue, but the fact that he’d overheard them talking to it outside the door cemented it as fact. And Emilio could get behind a case that involved helping an otter, even if it meant helping Teddy, too.

“I count them,” he replied dryly. He was curious what the lies were, mostly because he was curious what the truth had been. Teddy did seem to have a habit of simply leaving information out rather than being outright dishonest, though it made very little difference to Emilio. They were annoying either way. 

Perro didn’t seem to mind them, though. He sat at full attention, tail wagging the moment Teddy turned their attention to him, however brief a moment it was. Traitor, Emilio thought, giving the dog a look as if he might understand the betrayal he’d committed by not growling at Ted upon entry. He ought to train him to bite specific people. It’d probably be funny. 

“Don’t talk to my dog,” he said gruffly, solidifying the claim that, yes, hand chopping was very much on the table here. Looking to the otter, though, the detective’s expression softened ever so slightly. Trapped with his mother’s corpse for some indiscernible amount of time, stuck in a trap he couldn’t escape from with grief he couldn’t outrun. Christ. Emilio had to stop relating to shit like this. It was going to get him into trouble, if it hadn’t already. “Won’t be easy,” he commented. “Lot of fishers in town. Lot of traps laid out. Narrowing it down’s going to be a bitch.” He’d need a boat, for starters. The idea of going out on the water wasn’t one he particularly liked, but this was a case that interested him. Regardless of who it was that had brought it to his door. “Gonna have to charge you for expenses. And another fee, for being annoying.” With a discount he wouldn’t admit to out loud, since the case was for something he would have done for free, though if Teddy mentioned it the discount would naturally evaporate. 

—

“Thought you might.” A snort of not entirely malicious laughter wisped out of the demon’s nose. Teddy had half a mind to ask the detective how many lies he’d told. Most people give a few in the first few minutes of meeting someone. They remembered reading that somewhere. Humans loved lying. Some just a little more than others. Teddy hadn’t always been so good at picking out which ones were which, but a bit of practice and the patterns started to emerge. They almost always did. It was just a matter of waiting for the information to get to them, to get processed, and for the demon to make a theory around it. 

Theories. 

Teddy’s whole head swam with them. To look at Teds you wouldn’t really expect them to be the scientific sort, but as far as people were concerned, they had to be. Everything was under hypothesis. New data got added every minute of every day. After thirty four years of it they’d stockpiled a pretty decent amount of info. But when something (or someone) came around that didn’t fit. That constantly threw wrenches in every set path the demon assumed was correct… well they couldn’t resist chasing it down. Experimenting on it until they found a box and a little label to boot. 

They liked understanding. 

And as annoying as Emilio was, he wasn’t fitting into any boxes. Every time he so much as got a foot in one he kicked it away. (Which felt kind of appropriate with his whole personality) But it infuriated the demon. Made Teddy need to know more about him. The way the detective kept up this surly exterior only to soften around the edges when animals and children were mentioned. It didn’t escape Teddy that there was a common theme between this case and the last that they’d tango’d on. 

So they didn’t fight Emilio on anything else. Just listened. Nodding when appropriate and shrugging at the idea of having to pay more ‘for being annoying’. (Another day and Teddy might have asked exactly how much, and would have paid five times that just to get the fullest out of the whole ordeal.) They pondered for a second, using the pause in conversation to check on little Pascal (still snoozing). Good.

“I think these ones were handmade, they looked… different than others I’ve seen before?” And destroyed. Plenty of death boxes made their way to the ocean floor, and the young demon delighted in ripping them apart. “There was a really specific green wire, with little teal rings around it. There’s gotta be less fishermen with something like that on board right? Besides, if you need a boat, I’ve got one. Two technically--” A beat. “Well the speedy one is my dad’s, but I can use it.” 

—

Emilio rolled his eyes, already annoyed with the situation. Did Teddy have to be so insufferable all the damn time? Couldn’t they just… tone it down? Just once? It might not have been so bad if Emilio had been able to get even a few moments of sleep over the last few nights, but after the particularly nasty nightmare that had left him lying awake in a cold sweat, even closing his eyes for a moment made nausea tug at the pit of his stomach. With sleep, he could tolerate Teddy’s quirks for at least a few minutes. Without it, he felt on edge, uneasy, and uncomfortable with the strange feelings the other always managed to stir up inside of him. Fucking asshole.

To make matters worse, it seemed like Teddy was really only half-listening to him. Like they had better things to do, like they weren’t the one who’d come to him with this case. Why had they picked him for this, anyway? There were plenty of other PIs in Wicked’s Rest. Some of them were even decent. Was Teddy really that desperate to annoy Emilio that they’d throw money at the problem? Unfortunately, Emilio really hadn’t been lying when he’d said he wasn’t picky about the cases he took — he couldn’t afford to be. If he wanted to keep his shitty apartment and feed his treacherous dog, he needed cases like this.

That didn’t mean he had to like the people bringing them to his door.

“Okay. Do you still have the trap? Where’d you find it? I’ll start there.” If he could track down where the traps were being laid, he could figure out who was in the area often. And if he could get his hands on one of the traps itself, finding out how it was made would go a long ways, too. If the traps were homemade, the way Teddy said they were, there’d be some kind of personal touch to them. People always signed their work, even when they didn’t particularly mean to. 

Already planning out a course of action in his mind, Emilio almost missed what Teddy said next. Almost. His head snapped up, eyes widening at the implication. “No,” he said quickly. “No, you won’t be using it. I’ll be using it. If your dad doesn’t want to let me borrow it, I’ll rent one.” The added expenses would be better than the alternative — being on a boat with Teddy. Bad enough that he’d have to take his feet off solid ground and to an environment he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. Adding in a person he was just as uneasy around sounded like a worse nightmare than the remnants of the one that had kept him awake for days on end.

—

Was Teddy really that bad to be around? Emilio (to be fair, their own expressions probably mirrored the detective’s far more closely than they’d ever admit) was out there rolling his eyes and sighing and scowling and generally acting like he was being asked to put his hand into a wasps nest. Some people found Teddy’s antics delightful. They tried to make it that way. (Sometimes) Doing their best to keep things light, to give a well needed distraction from the slogs and drudgery of life. And the sadness that often crept into people’s hearts because of it. If there was one thing that Teddy knew after all their years of study and observation; it was that everyone everywhere was just a little bit sad. All the time. It’s what made people be people. Always searching for something to change or fix that ever present drone of melancholy. 

Except Emilio. Headstrong, stubborn, and appearing very much like he would rather give himself an autopsy before allowing himself to smile. Just once. Just one smile. That’s all Teds was after. But the detective was making it exceptionally hard to even want to continue. If they hadn’t already come this far, hadn’t already locked it into their mind that this was the best way to find out about the trapper… maybe they would have gone somewhere else. Maybe. But Emilio had shown off some skills in finding Joy. Teddy didn’t even realize the man had been following them. (Some might say that was more to do with the demon’s oblivious nature, but hey.) More importantly, he showed a commitment to fixing things. Might’ve almost got himself killed in that alley with the baukbear, but he was still trying. 

It was another thing on the list of “annoying things about Emilio Cortez that don’t quite add up.” A list that was getting longer by the second.

“I do. Figured it might be useful.” Didn’t take a detective to figure that much. The next bit though, that prompted another laugh. One that shook Teddy’s shoulders and crinkled at their eyes. At least one thing about him was predictable. “Do you even know how to operate a boat? I know how to stay quiet when I want to, do you think some Johnny down at the docks is gonna be able to do the same? Just suck it up and let me be your second pair of eyes. I want this job done too, you know.” 

—

Maybe this whole thing would be easier if Teddy would stop looking at him. Being seen was the kind of thing that was difficult to want when it had had such negative results for most of his life. As a child growing up the way Emilio had, perfection was the expectation. You weren’t noticed when you were doing things right, because it was what you were meant to be doing. Attention came when you fucked up. And it was never a good thing. In the process of sharpening a knife, no one ever stopped to wonder how the metal might feel about being struck against stone. Elena Cortez had felt similarly about her children’s training. When Emilio stumbled — something he’d done far more often than he’d care to admit — the response was quick and brutal. And it often began with his mother looking at him, just like Teddy was doing now.

It was a stupid thing to think. It was a stupid way to feel. Everything his mother had done, she’d done in the interest of making him stronger, of keeping him alive longer. He wouldn’t have survived as long as he had without her steady hand guiding him. Emilio knew that. Just like he knew that if Teddy were planning on trying something, they probably wouldn’t have shown up at his apartment in the middle of the day with an otter in tow. They’d had plenty opportunity to kill him when he’d been half-conscious and bleeding out on their mattress, even if they hadn’t been in much better shape themself at that point. 

That didn’t mean he wanted to get on a boat with them.

“Great. Get it to me.” His shoulders were tense, irritation clear as Teddy laughed at his insistence that he didn’t need their presence. “I could figure it out. Taught myself how to drive a car, a boat can’t be much harder.” Never mind that his car driving skills often left much to be desired. There was less to hit out in the ocean, anyway. “I don’t need a second set of eyes. And if you want this job done, you should know I’ll do it better if I’m not babysitting you the whole damn time.”

—

Something about the man seemed to almost wither underneath Teddy’s stare, and for once, they realized they might be doing that too much. The demon had a habit of doing most things too much. It’s why so many people eventually found them off putting. And why more than a few of them disliked Teds right from the start. Emilio wasn’t odd in that respect. Simple derision wasn’t enough to capture the demon’s attention. It was how it always seemed to be just a little at odds with that great mystery. Whatever it was that caused the man to shy away from talks of family and riled up a righteous anger when the subject of fathers and daughters came up. 

But Ted could catch a hint. Or maybe the lack of one. Occasionally. Their gaze faltered, returning to the otter, the dog, the whiskey, anything that wasn’t Emilio. At least for a while. There was plenty one could learn just by listening. Something the demon was much better at than they came across. 

“I’m sure you’re a great self teach Detective, but boats are in fact, a lot harder than cars. And if you mess up then you sink to the bottom of the ocean. I know I’m an excellent swimmer, but do you think you can swim a mile to shore? Double, if the tide is against you.” They couldn’t let this one get away. Teddy wanted to be there right when Emilio figured it out. Wanted to see and learn all the facts about this trapper, wanted to bring them to some manner of justice. Had it been an accident? Very unlikely. Too many of the things in one area, too specific a type. Maybe they hadn’t been looking for otters but that didn’t mean they weren’t looking for something. And that smelled… fishy. 

“Look, you don’t need to babysit me at all. In fact, if I die, I’ll leave very clear instructions to the rest of your payment. And a bonus because you’ll have to make it back to shore on your own, which we’ve established is not very easy.” Teddy pondered for a moment, still refusing to look at Emilio, for some reason. “Or would it be better if the instructions were more like a scavenger hunt?” Unfortunately, they were very serious. Obviously they wouldn’t die on this trip because they couldn’t but Emilio didn’t know that. And from Teddy’s perspective, a detective might like that little bit of challenge. Who knew, right? 

“Whatever the case, I just want justice for Pascal. And I wanna be there to see it.” 

— 

“I can swim,” Emilio replied defensively, the pain in his leg flaring up at the claim. He hadn’t even tried to swim since gaining the injury, and his experience beforehand hadn’t been extensive. He’d learned to swim the same way he figured most people did — by being tossed into the middle of a lake and expected to either get himself to shore or let his lungs fill up with water. It hadn’t been an experience that left him with a fondness for the activity, so he tended to do it only when necessary. He didn’t know if the bum leg would have a negative effect on his ability to swim or if the water might actually help it. He wasn’t looking to find out. Especially not through being shipwrecked a mile out from shore on choppy waters.

Not that he’d tell Teddy any of that. Part of him would rather chance a shipwreck than spend any more time than he had to with them, though he knew that was a stupid way of doing things. He’d always been passively aware that his stubbornness was going to get him killed one day, but since meeting Teddy, he’d started to wonder if that ‘one day’ might come far sooner than expected. Every part of him wanted to engage in needlessly reckless behavior just to prove them wrong, despite his mind’s equally stubborn insistence that he didn’t care what they thought of him at all. It was all remarkably stupid. He knew that.

But knowing that didn’t make any of the feelings go away. He wanted to prove to Teddy that they were wrong about him without letting them know that he gave a shit, and that was a hard line to walk. Even for someone who didn’t have a prominent limp making walking more difficult than it ought to be.

“You’re not going to die, dumbass. That’s not what I’m worried about.” Though he had told Chuck he wasn’t going to hurt them. That probably extended to not letting them die at sea, too, didn’t it? Christ, this was annoying. Teddy was annoying. Everything was a little annoying with the headache building from his impressive lack of sleep. There was no way he’d make it through this case without punching something. Most likely, something distinctly Teddy-shaped.

But as his eyes drifted back to the otter, he knew it was a case he’d take anyway. Stupid fucking otter and its stupid fucking sob story. It wouldn’t have had any effect on him at all a few years ago. It was probably Perro’s fault, he thought; the dog was making him softer than he’d been already. Finally, Emilio relented with a groan. “You want to come, fine. But don’t fucking talk to me. I don’t need you going on and on while I’m trying to work. You drive. That’s it.” 

—

"I'll take it. Like I said, I can be quiet." Teddy hummed with satisfaction, if they had to zip their lips for this to work, they'd do that. Maybe even amp up the silence to the Nth degree. That might even annoy Emilio too, in a different way. All fronts, as it were. "When do you want to start? I'm sure you're busy with all your other cases." A statement that would surely be taken as sarcasm, was actually genuine. Teds just wasn't great at expressing that in a situation like this. Everything they said probably sounded like a sidelong insult. 

"Now I just need to find a place to keep this little guy safe and warm until we get back. Maybe dad could– ah nevermind. That's not on you. Your job is finding." Teddy gestured to the man. All without looking. "Maybe I'll add another bottle or two to your collection if you help with the… more fun part of trapper hide and seek." 

—

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Emilio replied flatly. He shot the other a sharp glare at the obvious dig. Maybe he wasn’t exactly rolling in cases at the moment, but he was doing all right. Alan’s case had left him with a decent cushion, and Siobhan had paid up easily enough as well. Add to that the Ballard case, and he was doing better than he usually was. But… most of those cases were finished. He didn’t have much of an excuse to keep Teddy waiting, and that frustrated him. He wanted to be able to tell them to fuck off, even if only temporarily. But as it was… “The sooner the better. Let’s get this shit over with.”

Glancing to the otter, he had half a mind to offer to let it stay in his apartment, but he quickly dismissed the thought. Perro would probably be unhappy with the arrangement, and the animal likely needed someone to watch over it, anyway. Chuck seemed a good enough bet. Looking back to Teddy, Emilio raised a brow. “What do you mean by the fun part? Is that the bit where you lock people in cages? You ought to know that sort of thing is illegal.” As if Emilio had ever given a shit about that. But he wasn’t about to clue Teddy in to that tidbit.

—

An (up to this point) uncharacteristic quiet came over the demon. Almost as if confirming their previous statement, albeit unintentionally. Emilio hadn’t tried to turn Teddy in after all that shit went down. Maybe that meant the detective saw things their way, even just a little. That meant something. Ted didn’t know what exactly, but it had to… right? That, or the man just couldn’t be bothered. Either way, the unconscious need to explain themself bubbled up from within. Coming out like lava gurgling up from the depths of the earth. 

“People like Joy… they don’t have rules like the rest of us. If something is illegal to them it usually just means a slap on the wrist and a fine, which, when you have that much money and sway with the law enforcement, is basically just the price of admission. A ticket to do whatever you want. Not to mention these weren’t even regular creatures they–” The thin line that had been Teddy’s expression shifted, twisting to the side as they stood pensively, trying to think of the best way to word it. Even if Emilio would or could never get it, they wanted to make sure that wasn’t their fault. If it could just be explained then– “Nothing protects the things that don’t exist.” They shrugged, softened slightly and began to preoccupy themself with the now fussing otter in their arms. 

“I was never going to kill her. She didn’t kill any of the animals. I made sure she had food, water, and a bed. Just not her usual environment. I was trying to get her to see what she did to them. Make her feel some sort of empathy.” That seemed to be the common thread between people that Teddy went after. A lack of care for things around them. Animals, Nature, Other people. Didn’t really matter. It was an intrinsic part of the demon’s mind that never quite made sense, given their upbringing. Or maybe directly because of it. They were used to being cast out. To be set aside even by other demons who couldn’t understand Leviathan’s bond, nor exactly what Teddy had become. 

“All that is to say, the ‘fun’ part… is figuring out what made the trapper do what they did. If it was just to get food and it was an honest mistake, then nothing. Maybe I’ll do a small prank. Harmless. TP their boat. I dunno. But if it was intentional, if they saw there was something in that trap and left on purpose? I’m going to kill them.” 

—

Whatever Emilio was expecting, it wasn’t this. With Teddy, it was always a verbal sparring match. It was so different from Emilio’s usual battle strategy in a way that made him feel woefully unprepared, a chance to exercise his snide remarks and snarky comments instead of practicing his punches and his slices. There was something undeniably exciting about it, even if he’d never admit it aloud. Teddy said something, and it was a damn race to say something back before the moment had passed, a jumble of translating insults from Spanish into English so that the other would understand that they were being chastised. But this? This surly silence? It felt more like something out of Emilio’s arsenal than Teddy’s. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

When they finally spoke again, the passion in their tone was far less unfamiliar. They got like this sometimes, he’d noticed. Impassioned rants, rambling on and on in a way that would have been endearing if they weren’t so annoying the rest of the time. They’d gotten like this in the alley, too, with the damn creatures they’d named before the hellhound nearly took a bite out of Emilio. Even with all the shit that followed muddling his memory, he still remembered that. This was important to Teddy. That much was clear.

“Wey, you don’t have to tell me who the police are here for,” he said, though the words lacked the usual bite his tone contained when talking to Teddy. He’d only been in the States a short while, but he’d had plenty enough experiences with the police to know that they didn’t exist for people like him. Not for people like Teddy, either, even if they did have money in the bank. He didn’t add that, had it been him, he might have killed Joy. Emilio might be a hunter, but there was a stark difference between killing something so it wouldn’t hurt anyone and putting it in a too-small cage for people to gawk at. One was necessary, but the other was cruel. And Emilio could be cruel when he wanted to be, but not like that. 

He had to admit, finding out why was high on his list of fun ideas. Ever since the massacre, why had been an important question for Emilio. He wanted to understand, wanted an answer to that unanswerable question. He’d probably never get it for himself, but maybe he could get it for the damn otter. For Teddy, too. “Jesus. You shouldn’t say that to just anybody.” Admitting that you were planning a murder to someone you didn’t exactly know very well was a dumb move. Even Emilio knew that. “But fine. I’ll help you with the fun part, too. But it’s gonna cost you extra.”

—

Of course admitting to that part of the plan had been a gamble. Of course it had. But there hadn’t been libraries filled with stories of devils, demons, and other beings of great power playing games for no reason. Maybe it came with the desecration, maybe it was a trait Teddy always had. But a nice wager, even with themselves, was sure to make any situation just a little bit... Brighter. Iron out some details that hid stubbornly in the shadows. The demon laid out bait to see how the man would react. And fortunately (unfortunately?) Emilio didn’t take it. 

Teddy wrestled with the results. Trying to decipher if it was a boon or a detriment to Mr. Cortez’s character. As far as they were concerned, it was probably a good thing. Even if the detective shared no love for the cops either, that didn’t mean he couldn’t take that pretty fucking bold statement and make a good enough case to get Teddy put away. Didn’t mean it (correctly) was something they should just say in front of anybody, but– The demon flashed a grin, looked Emilio dead in the eye for the first time in minutes and winked. 

“You aren’t just anybody.”  

They twirled around to head out the door (not leaving without also giving a salute to Perro, obviously) and vanished into the night with nothing more than a peace sign and a gently whistled tune. Leaving Emilio to figure out what they could have meant by that. Lord knows Teddy had no idea. But things were getting interesting. The detective was starting to look slightly (so goddamn slightly) less like the very worst person in the world, and more like a challenge. A puzzle. Something that could be pieced together. 

—

Teddy looked at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since the other had stopped studying Emilio like a bug under a microscope, and it felt strange. Wrong, almost, like he was breaking some unwritten rule by looking back, like this wasn’t quite what he was supposed to be doing. But looking away would feel too much like admitting defeat, and he wasn’t capable of that. Not with Teddy. And he didn’t quite understand why, but he wasn’t going to fight it, either. Not when he was already bone tired.

Of course, when Teddy spoke, it only made the whole thing more confusing.

You aren’t just anybody. What the hell did that mean? Emilio’s mind spun with the words, trying to puzzle them out. He translated them to Spanish, then back to English hoping to make sense of it, but nothing did the trick. The four stupid words didn’t fit into anything he’d worked out about Teddy so far, and it was frustrating.

More frustrating still when they turned and left before Emilio could respond. He stood in the dirty apartment, glaring at the open door long after Teddy’s footsteps had carried down the hall and onto the elevator, long after they’d left the building completely. 

After a few moments of surly silence, Perro nosed up against his leg, looking up at him and tilting his head to the side. Emilio sighed, leaning down to pick the dog up and crossing the room to shut the door. “That guy,” he said, looking down at Perro, “is a fucking asshole.” A fucking asshole that Emilio had just committed to working an entire case with. Christ. Maybe he was a masochist. 

#eldritchaccident #teddy: you otter know better #wickedswriting #animal cruelty tw #s1 writing #season 1

[fem-blade-adept]

Elden Ring (Hyperfixation) Boss Tier List[Best to Worst]:

(Note: I’ll be listing a good portion of them, but there are 165 bosses in this game and I don’t have that kind of time. I will however be subtracting and compressing a lot of them, and adding a few enemies that I treat like a boss because, hell, some enemies deserve it.)

Malenia, Blade of Miquella: I have posts on this. She needs no explanation.

Mohg, Lord of Blood: I know, most people hate him. I enjoy the energy of the fight and the fight itself is creative and well put together despite his frustrating second phase. The Nihil mechanic is also one I think is unique and kinda cool and hype in its own way.

Rennalla of the Full Moon: The Abyss Watchers of Elden Ring. Purely cinematic, but an entertaining fight and a nice break from getting my ass handed to me.

Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy: NOW WE CAN DEVOUAAAH THA GODS TOGETHAAAAA!!!

Radagon: I grew a love for this fight. The music makes it better and it’s a lot more fair when you understand the difference between Elden Ring and Dark Souls.

Morgott, The Omen King: Substantially more enjoyable than Margit and kicks my ass marginally less.

Erdtree Avatars: One of the bosses I learned organically and remains a good fight despite me progressively getting better at kicking the shit out of them.

Agheel, Smaurag, Borealis, Ekzykes, and Adula: Wyverns. Nuff said.

Fallingstar Beasts: I strangely like fighting these things. They are a lot easier to read than you think and they look really cool.

Death Birds: Nothing special.

Mimic Tear: Spider-Man Meme.

Fire Giant: Large health pool, but I remain a Fire Giant enjoyer.

Starscourge Radahn: Despite my distaste for this fight, he’s actually fairly straightforward all things considered.

Lanseaxx and Lichdragon Fortissax: Dragons but slightly more frustrating and with weirder hitboxes.

Leonine Misbegotten: Get off of me…

Loretta: Hard hitter, but loads better than the bottom half of this list.

Astel, Naturalborn of the Void: Stop teleporting, you spindly bitch.

Margit, the Fell Omen: The bully that taught me that Elden Ring and Dark Souls were not the same game.

Gurranq, Beast Clergyman/Malakith, the Black Blade: My only true love/hate relationship on this list. Gurranq hurts despite how low his health pool is and his erratic movement despite being readable still bullies me every time I enter his arena.

Godskin Apostle: You’re fine, honey.

Tibia Mariners: Does this even count? It’s a speed bump.

Crucible Knights (all of them): I tend to get my face kicked in by these guys regularly. Especially the duo. However, they aren’t as bad as other things.

Most Gargoyles: Fair fight, but why do you have attacks I can’t dodge?

Fia’s Simps: I dislike PVP, so why do you exist?

Godfrey, Goldfrey, and Hoarah Loux: Angy Gorilla Lion Man should not hit as hard or as accurately as he does AND YET.

Tree Spirits: The most agile creature to be 15x my height.

Elden Beast: Never had such a massive beast attempt to actively avoid me so aggressively.

Red Wolves: Proof that sometimes even Sif can get obnoxious.

Wormface: Not difficult in the slightest, but why do you have an instant death mechanic? More inconvenient than anything.

Dragonkin Soldiers: Like if a toddler went hulk on the playground. Shoving is all he’s got, but damn if it doesn’t hurt like a bitch.

Placidusax: Fuck this dude. Astel if Astel had infinite range fire lasers and could instakill bodyslam you out of a teleport.

Runebears: As if hairpin trigger existed as an animal. Why do you run faster than my horse?

Magma Wyrms: Why do I hate you? I shouldn’t. You’re not hard. But you are. Fuck you.

Regal Ancestors: Opposite of Radagon. Loved the moose to begin with, but now they just annoy me. Especially when one JUST. KEEPS. HEALING.

Death Rite Birds: Why are you SO much worse than typical Death Birds?! It’s the frostbite. And the explosions. And the range. And everything.

O’Neill and Niall: Worse version of Capra Demon, anyone?

Gideon Ofnir, The All-Knowing: The only joy I get out of this fight is kicking the shit out of this FP-spamming asshole.

Godskin Noble: There is a special place in hell for you and that roll, you rapier-wielding bastard.

Royal Revenants: how the FUCK can you cover so much distance in so little time?!? And why do you deal so much fucking damage?! You absolute heathen!

Valiant Gargoyles duo: Seriously who pitched this fight? I just want to talk. Attacks I can’t dodge, poison I can’t see, two combatants who can’t fit on my screen at the same time, both immune to all status effects and strong against all of my favorite stuff. Who fucking thought this fight was a good idea??!

#elden ring #tier list #just my opinion