#and sorry that i take so long. i've struggled with having inspiration for some time ;

[uravichii]

"best friends who kiss?"

character/s: bakugo katsuki

summary: recently, your best friend has been kissing you at random times. you have no idea why because he refuses to talk about it. either way, you're not about to let this to ruin your precious friendship.

genre & trope: fluff, best friends to lovers, angry confessions, reader is terrified of love but bakugo wants them so bad 😁, tw kind of ooc bakugo

a/n: i've been watching a lot of pride & prejudice and bridgerton scenes n i'm now obsessed angry confessions 🤩 + this is heavily inspired by that scene in little women :) ALSO i haven't posted in a year 😟 so pls be nice ik my writing's rusty in this :'D

the first time bakugou katsuki kissed you, he pretended he never did.

"what... " you brush your fingers against your bottom lip, your whole face hot. "what the hell was that for?"

"what?" bakugo shrugs, feigning innocence as he takes a swig of his soda.

you try and trace back the events that could have led to the kiss.

you said something along the lines of: "i wish i had a boyfriend. i could definitely pull a cute guy off the street."

then you heard him scoff and say: "no man's sane enough to put up with your insufferable ass." ーor something more insulting than that.

you can't remember what you said in response, and you rack your brain to figure out what prompted him to grab your face and kiss you. it's impossible when all you can think about is the unexpected supple feel of his lips, its faint ghost still lingering on yours.

"that kiss, katsuki! you violated my mouth!"

"dunno what you're talking about. you hit your head or something?"

you blink and second-guess yourself for a second.

"okay, no. you're not gonna gaslight your way out of this." you swat his arm, earning an irked glare from him. "why the hell did you kiss me?"

"you're imagining things, idiot. this stupid game's givin' ya some serious brain damage for sure."

he stands up and swings his bag over his shoulder.

"where are you going? we're not done yetー!"

and he's out of the door.

was he drunk off his soda? maybe he kissed you to mess with your head. he's not that cruel though, you think. maybe he couldn't think of any other way to shut you upー that was something he always struggled with after all.

at least the second time bakugo katsuki kissed you, he was kind enough to warn you.

after enduring the most awkward hour-long study session with him, you decide to put an end to your agony by wrapping it up. you start gathering your things when he stops you with a calloused hand on your wrist.

"what?" you turn to him, your cheeks already heating up from his touch.

there are no thoughts you could read behind those vermillion eyes, and all of a sudden, you don't know your best friend very well anymore.

he walks some tentative steps closer to you until the back of your knees hit the table. he cradles your jaw with such delicacy you didn't even know he was capable of. he slips past your awaiting lips and presses his nose on the side of your head, his warm breath kissing your flushed skin.

"punch me in the face and scram if you don't want this, got it?"

you gulp and forget to answer if not for the gentle squeeze on your wrist. "y/n, you got it?"

"s-sure."

when you two kiss, it's different from last time. it's unhurried, curious, and so intoxicating. the kiss speaks: 'i want you. i want you. i want you' but whose thoughts are these?

he groans into your lips as if to urge you to keep up with the sheer hungriness that has consumed him. you try your best to do so as he deepens the kiss with a palm on the back of your head and practically drinks you in. he doesn't pull away until he hears the tiny whine that escapes you.

"shit, sorry." he mutters, avoiding your stunned gaze.

"t's okay."

"did i hurt you?" the quiet lilt of his voice surprises you.

"no, no. i'm okay, but why'd you kiー"

"bye." he blurts out as he turns to the door and leaves, as if he didn't just invaded your mouth and permanently tainted the years of friendship you two have had. you click your tongue as the heat subsides in your cheeks.

"son of a bitch."

the third time bakugo katsuki kissed you, you let him, and he didn't stop.

you had barely escaped death when you lost your footing while sparring with todoroki. naturally, bakugo yelled the poor guy's ear off and would have murdered him if eraserhead hadn't interfered at the last second.

now, you find yourself heaving in your bed. you don't know whether your hastened pulse is from the adrenaline rush or from the fact that bakugo is all over you right now.

he's planting feather-light kisses all over youー your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your eyelids, your hands, and your wrist, as panicked murmurs spill out of him in between kisses. 'you scared the hell out of me. you have no idea, fuck. are you okay? are you really okay? tell me you're okay, y/n.'

"i'm okayー" you barely manage to gasp before he dips his lips into yours, desperate and frantic. tremulous hands find solace in your hips as he holds you, gentle enough not to mar your injuries but snug enough to assure his restless heart that you are safe.

your head feels hazy. your limbs ache and lie motionless, and though your lips could barely move to reciprocate his kisses as much as you wanted to, bakugo didn't stop. you tried to ask him about it the next morning, but of course, he ignored you and walked away.

you don't know when he stopped kissing you that night. all you know is that there was a line that was crossed, and your friendship was never going to be the same again.

bakugo katsuki is going to kiss you again. your heart thrums incessantly. whether it's dread or anticipationー you don't know.

you think about the sensation of his lips that's become so familiar to you that you've learned to crave it. it shouldn't be familiar to you, and you sure as hell shouldn't want it. so you do what you think is necessary.

you kick him in the shin.

"motherfー!" sure enough, he's pissed. "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"i was going toー"

"no! you're not gonna kiss me again and walk away and pretend it never happened. you're messing with my head, katsuki! it's not funny!"

"wasn't trying to be funny!" he barks back.

"okay, so what exactly are you trying to do? what is this? i meanー" you stammer, struggling to find the words. "katsuki, what are we?"

he sighs and shifts his stance, his discomfort apparent. when the silence lingers on for too long, you speak.

"well, whatever it is that you want from me, we're going to stay friends. nothing more, nothing less. that's it." your breath hitches, and you don't know why you feel like crying as you speak. "... so i don't want your stinky mouth anywhere on me again."

silence weighs heavily between you. sometimes you wish you didn't know him too well, then the hurt he veils in his eyes wouldn't be so plain and vivid to you, and you would have walked away by now without an ounce of remorse.

"i like you, y/n." is all he could say when he finally speaks.

you shake your head. "no, you're just confused."

"i'm not confused. i like you."

"katsuki, you've been bitchless all your life, and i'm just the closest thing to a s/o. maybe go take a walk or something."

"i like you." he persists. "i've liked your stupid ass forー"

"stop saying that. you don't."

"i do, and you like me tooー"

"what?!" you laugh incredulously.

'who does this dumbass think he is?' is he right? surely, he's not. then what are you so afraid of in the first place? why have you been counting down the days until he kisses you again? why do you yearn for his touch as if it's something you own? why do you feel so infuriated and so tormented when he leaves the room after kissing you?

you do what is necessary again.

"you're delusional!" you yell at his face, a childish shrill that's awfully familiar to your childhood best friend.

"jesus christ." he inhales sharply in frustration. "you're a fucking pussy, y/n."

you clench your jaw and match his glare. anger surges in your chest and bleeds into your voice.

"i'm not the one who chickens out after kissing their best friend! you can't even acknowledge the fact that you kissed me because you'reー!"

"do you think i want to chicken out? why do you think i run away after kissing you?! if i stayed and confessed all this shit the first time, you would've refused to hear it like the damn coward you are!" he leans close to you, his voice lowering into a ragged snarl that quickens your pulse. "and you're just proving it right now, y/n. you're always going to shut this down and deny your feelings because you're a fucking pussy. you're terrified of relationships, and it's dumbest shit ever. pathetic, really."

you rear back from his words. if anything, you always thought it was katsuki who was afraid of love. now, you can't help but feel small and vulnerable underneath his searing gaze.

"it's not dumb..." you shuffle uncomfortably. "what, i'm supposed to ruin our friendship for a relationship that we're going to break off anyway?"

"we're not going to break it off."

"how do you know that?"

"because i'll be the best goddamn boyfriend in the world!"

"first of all, gross." you scoff. "second of all, it's never gonna work out! you're going to get sick of me in three days max."

"i've known you since we were brats, and i still want you."

"you literally said no man's sane enough to put up with my obnoxious ass."

he smirks. "i said 'insufferable ass'."

"katsuki!" you fight the urge to strangle him and punch that stupid smile off his face.

"wasn't even serious that time." he grimaces and reluctantly continues. "you know damn well you can pull any guy you want, and he'd be the luckiest bastard on earth."

if it were any other day, you'd grin at him and say 'i told you so,' but your lips remain unmoved, and your eyes stay dim. you're afraid you'll never go back to being the same katsuki and y/n again.

"this is pointless, katsuki. i mean, look! we're already fighting." you grouch and tell yourself you don't want this. "i still don't want us to happen so while this friendship is still salvable, let's agree to stay friends, and whatever sappy shit you feel for meー suck it up."

in one swift motion, he closes the distance between you, his face hovering dangerously over yours.

"suck it up?" he breathes, his face taut in frustration. "restraining myself from you is the hardest shit i've ever had to do. it takes everything in me not to kiss your stupid face!"

he shudders, weakly resting his forehead against yours as if this conversation alone has exhausted him. still, he goes on.

"and everytime i failedー everytime i kissed those lips, it was... a moment of weakness, but that's the fucking problemー you're just..." he buries his face into the crook of your neck, a desperate attempt to escape your wide-eyed gaze. "i'm weak for you, y/n. every second. and it drives me fucking insane that you keep running away from me."

he rises to meet your eyes again. the cadence of his voice changes into something weak and desperate, stripped of all the pride and anger he's ever known.

"i love youー fuck. i love you." he lets the words hang in the air, letting the words hear itself spoken because for once, you're not stopping him. "i love you, so please... let me."

after much thought and another agonizing minute of silence, you lean in to kiss bakugo katsuki.

he kisses back almost instantly and revels in the way you wrap your arms around his neck and bear your weight on him completely. he kisses back ardently, his pent-up desires and years of longing etched in the way he seeks your lips, kiss after kiss after kiss.

when you finally pull away, you're met with a devilish smirk, his begging eyes long gone. you wonder to yourself when you'll see those eyes again.

"took ya long enough." he kisses you again. he raises a brow at the way you're caging him in your arms. "jesus, no one's gonna snatch me from you."

"i'm making sure you don't run away again, dumbass."

"i won't." he says earnestly as he props his forehead against yours. "and you won't either. i'll make sure of that."

you nod your head with a giddy smile as he pecks your lips again.

"so..." you say as you exaggerate a pensive look, a cheeky grin spreading across your face. "we're best friends who occasionally kiss?"

he rolls his eyes. "you're impossible."

"recite that speech again, and i'll consider calling you my boyfriend."

"fuck off!"

TAGLIST [1/2] @uxavity @joy-the-reader @kiiraes @escapenightmare @afk-dreaminq @avocamich @theboredvee @wonderwrench @ur-local-simp @p-ol @x0xuglyh0tgrl2005xoxo @cosmonettica @melin-oe @mitzi127 @lilac-o @r2katsu @bakucumsackslut @idunnomynamesince2005 @astralwaifu @taurus852 @creepyproxies @maycat-19-142 @stella-fleurets @veenxys @devilgirlcrybabiey @drawingaddict @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @lexiv-web @angelshimaa @izukus-gf @christiansdior @homosexualjohnwayne @uwiuwi @hirugummies @cupidines @loveisningning (bold couldn't be tagged)

#bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x you #bakugo x you #bnha x reader #bnha x you #mha x reader #mha x you #bakugo katsuki drabbles #bakugo drabbles #bnha drabbles #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bakugo fluff #bakugo katsuki fluff #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons

[angel-eyes05]

to leave the warmest bed i've ever known

pairing: spiderwoman!reader x miguel o’hara 

summary: after miguel’s fight with miles, you confront him in his office

warnings: this whole thing is basically one big argument there’s SO much angst, implied suicide attempt, HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, im projecting a little in some parts of this ngl (i cried writing a certain section of this, you'll know it when you read it lmao), mentions and descriptions of blood, gore, and death

word count:  4.1k

notes: i watched the movie yesterday…and miguel is on my mind. but i remember reading this namor x reader fanfic after i watched wakanda forever of a similar idea to this and i loved it so this is HEAVILY inspired by that fic, but just make it miguel. i would link it but ngl that was so long ago and i dont remember the author. if i end up finding it again ill put it here. also, just pretend miguel has been doing this whole spider society thing for a couple of years at least, it just needs to work like that for this ik its probably not canon but just roll with it lmao. and yes the title is a taylor swift lyric im so glad you noticed (im so sorry she's in my brain rn with the eras tour)

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The anger boiled up inside your chest as you stormed your way across the lobby. Hundreds of different Spider-Man variants were scattered across the area, some more injured than the others. It sickened you sometimes. How he had so many people under his grasp and just decided to throw some of them at the walls sometimes, not caring how hard they hit the floor because they were all just ammo to him. How despite his denials of it, that’s probably what your role was to him as well. Nothing more than a bullet in his massive machine gun.

You normally tried not to think about it, how his determination towards his goal sometimes meant lack of care for others. But this time he had just gone too far. You always had a soft spot for Miles, watching closely on him whenever Miguel would let you go though scanners of all the different variants. You admired his struggle, but eventual success to taking up the previous Peter’s mantle, and always hated how Miguel talked about him. You knew there was no way Miles could’ve asked for any of this. For the pressures and struggles of being a Spider-Man, for everything causing such a strained relationship with his parents, for the death of his uncle, and for what will be the eventual death of his father. You definitely didn’t.

Ok lets do this one last time. Eh, whatever, there’s probably gonna be 50 other introductions after this one so it doesn’t really matter.

Being Earth-837’s Spider-Man has never been easy. Especially since you were bit when you were only 13 (another reason you sympathized with Miles and Gwen). Your life had followed the order of canon events to a perfect T, your older brother killed in a fight with a robber only two months after you were bit. You tried to overcome the burden of your powers by trying to live as normal of a teenage life as possible, but it was mostly in vain, having to give up multiple friendships and relationships in fear of those you love getting hurt. This was only elevated when your boyfriend Peter was murdered in the crossfire of an encounter with Doc Ock. You didn���t understand. You couldn’t. What you had done to deserve all of this. All you did was just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You wonder sometimes what would happen if someone was in the same place you were when you got bit. If someone else went to the closed down area of that museum and ran into that spider. That stupid spider that ruined your life. Those thoughts slowly started to disappear for a bit. For a few years things were easy. Things seemed like they were finally going in your favor.

You were 25 when it happened. The last canon event. Ever since you were a little girl you hated your mother’s job. Losing nights of sleep over if she would come home or not. She always did though. She was good at her job. Too good though. Good enough to get promoted to police captain, which for who you were, was basically sealing her fate. She saved so many people that day. You were too busy fighting Venom to notice how much collateral damage you were causing in the process. Your mother’s job was to evacuate all the citizens away from the fight. She died shielding a child from incoming debris. A noble way to go. But god was it gruesome. You found her after the fight was over, two metal poles impaling her. One through her stomach and one straight through her face, pools of blood growing bigger below her as she was left there, all the paramedics busy trying to save the heavily injured. You froze when you finally recognized her, unable to at first due to how mutilated her face was from the pole. Suddenly, you were transported back to being a six year old, falling asleep outside the door to your mother’s bedroom so you would know exactly when she would come home. Purposefully falling asleep in her arms so that she couldn’t go anywhere.

When you used the key she had given you to get into her apartment that night, and you slept in her room, desperate to intake anything left of her before she was fully gone. You doused yourself in her perfume so it still felt like she was standing right behind you. You had always loved her smell. The smell of vanilla, curl product, and fancy perfume. They were attached to memories you had of her. Trying on her heels when you were a kid to try and be fancy like her. Smelling her hair in the morning before school to comfort you before she left for work. Despite all of this bringing you comfort, all it really did was cause further denial in your heart. That one day you were gonna hear the keys clacking in the keyhole to your apartment one more time. That’s all you really wanted. You would give everything up in a heartbeat just to hear her police scanner go off one last time. But it wasn’t going to. And it was your fault. Deep down you knew it was. You should’ve done a better job controlling the debris. You had always been a messy fighter, but you didn’t know it was going to mean anything until it was too late. 

How you got up to the top of that building is still a blur to you to this day. But next thing you know, you were looking at the New York City skyline from the very top of the Empire State Building. And at the very edge too. You heard some sounds behind you, but you just decided it was the wind howling from how high up you were. You were just so tired. Everything and everyone you loved was cursed all because of you. And with your mother as the most recent victim, you decided you finally had enough. You took a deep breath, eyes overflowed with water, as you set your foot forward.

Your plummet was interrupted by a sudden contact you felt to your forearm. Shock filled your body as you turned around to look at what had stopped your attempt. The blue hand was massive, nearly wrapping back around onto itself as it held onto you for dear life. You finally looked up at face that the hand belonged to. The mask that covered the massive figure was a strange one. Blue with strange red silhouettes for the eyes. It kind of reminded you of…your own costume? That couldn’t be though there was no way. This must be the afterlife or something. You already jumped and that's why you didn’t remember your way up to the top. This was some kind of creature trying to stop you from jumping down to hell below. His breaths were heavy and loud, almost like he was desperate to stop you. This convinced you that this was real, which caused you to try to escape from his grip. He was stronger than you, and was putting up a huge fight. You were slick though. Once you were out of his hand, you closed your eyes and quickly made your jump. Everything flashed before your eyes. Your brother, Peter, your mom. You were hoping to see them soon. This was very quickly interrupted again when you suddenly stopped falling. Something had attached itself to your stomach. You opened your eyes. A web? This web was much different than yours though. It was glowing a bright, neon orange.

The man was holding onto the end of it tightly with both hands. His mask then disappeared to show his face. His was long, matching how big the rest of his body was, defined cheek bones sticking out. Brown wavy hair slicked back with a few loose strands flying out in the wind. The look of desperation on his face stook out most of all. Why did he care so much? He didn’t know you, and you definitely didn’t know him. “Let me pull you up. Please,” he said to you between shaky pants. You stared at him for a bit before nodding. He slowly pulled you up with the string of his web, each move more careful than the last. As soon as your feet were planted safely back on the roof of the building, he wrapped you up in his massive arms. You appreciated the gesture, but you didn’t return it, still very confused about why he was so concerned. He was so big around your body though, you couldn’t help but feel a little comforted, feeling his still shaky breaths against the hairs of your neck. Soon after, he clicked on some buttons on his neon orange watch and led you into a portal.

The rest is history. You’re grateful he found you that day. It allowed you to meet so many people, Peter B., Jess, Gwen, Hobie, Ben, Pavitr, Margo. They all related to you and you felt like you could share things with them that you couldn’t do with anyone else. You had grown especially close to Peter and Jess, both of them having been in the game for a long time, just like you. They both knew how you felt, having lost so much and growing so tired after so many years. Peter even named you as Mayday’s godmother when she was born, a gesture that caused you to nearly kill him with your hug. Miguel though was different. He wasn’t nearly as social as the rest of your friends, but you found yourself having much more intimate moments with him (in more ways then one). You eventually found out why Miguel was so concerned for you the day you met. He had taken interest in your abilities early into looking for variants for his little “project”, but refrained from roping you into something so dangerous while you were still in your teens.

Once you were old enough though, he started paying more and more attention, hoping to catch you in a fight and recruit you then. But he was always pulled away with more important duties to attend to. That was until he witnessed your canon event. He had seen it happen so many times before through his scanners. It was going to happen. It had to in order for your universe to not collapse in on itself. But for some reason, yours hurt more than the rest to him. Especially how you coped with it. Seeing you wrap yourself up in her blankets and clothes broke his heart. He knew where this would lead to. That’s why he was there that day. To save you. He had to, or he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. You got your own watch immediately, along with your own room in the Spider Society headquarters. He stayed close with you for the first month of you being a member of the team. When he wasn’t out on missions, he was with you. You didn’t really know what to label you two as, but whatever was going on, you liked it. And he did too.

That is until Miles came into the picture. Once Miles was bit, all hell broke loose for Miguel. He was always in some alternate dimension catching some Spider-Man villain who got out and rangled them back over here, falling back over to you more beat up and bruised than the last time. You couldn’t imagine how much stress he was under, the fate of the entire multiverse up to him. You had some ways of helping him relieve his stress, but you wish you could convince him that he wasn’t alone in this. But nothing ever got through to him. He had become distant, aloof even. You tried bringing it up to Jess every so often, but she would just brush it off.

“That’s how he’s always been.” Not to you he hasn’t. This week has been hell though. With Spot making it over to Miles, Miguel had been going into rages all week. You had put up with it for now, but that was all about to stop. Watching how harsh he was being on Miles, throwing so many Spider-Men at an innocent boy, risking all of their lives in the process. Disregarding everything Gwen and Peter were feeling and then throwing Gwen back into her broken world with nothing. He had gone too far. No one else was going to stand up to him about it, so you knew it had to be you. Maybe he would listen, maybe he wouldn’t. It didn’t really matter. He just needed to hear it.

“It’s not worth it you know.” The voice snapped you out of your thoughts, stopping you in your tracks. “You know how stubborn he gets over these things,” said Jess, trying to convince you to save your breath. “I don’t care. I have to at least try,” you responded, monotonically. “I just don’t understand how you can follow him so blindly and not see what he’s doing is wrong.” “Because he isn’t wrong. I don’t know about you, but I’m not just gonna stand by and let some kid’s stupid decisions destroy another Earth,” Jess argued. “He’s just trying to save his dad, I can’t understand how that makes him such a bad person,” you said, finally turning around to face her, shocked when she was closer to you than expected.

“You know exactly why. Don’t be so naive, y/n,” she shot back. “You can’t stop me,” you said staring straight into her. She shrugged. “Then I can’t help you.” She began to walk away. You did to, until you heard her say. “You don’t know how much he cares for you.” You turned around to face her again, but her back was still to you, her head tilted ever so slightly to look at you. “If you really do care for the kid, watch what you say to Miguel right now. Cause you might just give him the final push he needs to do what needs to be done.” You didn’t give her a response, and just simply kept walking. You felt Jess’ eyes on your back as you entered the elevator to get up to Miguel’s office.

The elevator ride up felt longer than it should’ve, as you tried to gather all of your thoughts and emotions together so even if he didn’t listen, your words would still stick with him in some way. You didn’t necessarily want to hurt him (though your fists were telling you otherwise), but you did want him to be aware of what he’s done. Once the doors finally opened, all of that work flew out the window as rage took over your body again, seeing Miguel up there looking at the scanners. The fact that he looked just as normal as he always does made you furious. It’s like nothing happened.

“You know, I could hear you coming in from the lobby,” he said, almost stopping you in your tracks. You hated when he did that. Claiming that he knew what your every move was going to be. Like you were under his control or something. “Yeah, well then you must’ve heard me talking to Jess, which means you know exactly what this is about,” you shot back, stopping to where you could see him perched up there. “Why don’t you just save me the conversation about morality and just come up here and kick my ass already. It’ll save both of us time,” he said, not even taking his eyes off the scanners to look down at you. This only added to your fury. “That’s not what I’m here for Miguel, so don’t you dare try to twist my words here. What you did to that kid was fucked up and you know it.” “Oh yeah, then why didn’t you try to do anything to stop me?” he questioned.

“Because I’m not stupid Miguel. I’m not gonna try to take down hundreds of Spider-Men at once.” “Oh, cause you’re so much better than that?” This wasn’t like him at all. That gentle, kind, and caring Miguel you once knew was gone, taken over by some sort of personal vendetta he had against Miles. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but this all needs to stop before it gets taken too far. You’re getting into a fight you can’t win. That kid’s strong and so are his allies. And if you go any further into this, I won’t be here to help you.” He stayed still and only turned his head to look at you. “And what makes you think that you’re so important to my plan that it’ll fall apart if you leave? Have you really become that pretentious?”

Your body froze. Have I really? No no no, that’s exactly what he wants. If you begin to doubt yourself now, you’ll stay and nothing will change. You knew you were right. He was trying to crumble you down, but you wouldn’t let that happen. “And you really think that one kid is going to ruin something that you’ve been working for for years? How insecure you’ve become.” “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, turning back away from you. You did the same, wiping off your face in anger. “I hate it when you do tha-,” you said as you turned back around, but were cut off to find Miguel standing there right in front of you. He was close. Too close to your liking, although in any other circumstance you would’ve found this attractive.

He tilted his head up, but his eyes were down staring daggers into yours. You hated how much he tried to make himself seem more superior to you. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he repeated, this time slower as if you were a child. “He’s just a kid Miguel,” you said in a low, quiet voice. “An anomaly. And a dangerous one at that.” “God Miguel, all he wants to do is protect his dad, do you know how insane you sound right now?” you said letting out a slight laugh when you finished. You backed away from him a little. “He doesn’t know how much damage he’ll do with this. Saving his father will only prolong the inevitable. His world will be gone within hours if he does this. All I’m trying to do is make him understand,” he tried to explain. “By trying to kill him.” “You always have to exaggerate the situation,” he said palming his face. “But that’s essentially what you’re trying to do isn’t it? Why not snuff out the problem entirely by taking him out!”

He signed and began to walk away while you were talking, bringing up your anger even more. “Yeah, use all the power you’ve accumulated over the years and just take out the small problem! Except this isn’t just a fly on the wall Miguel. This is a child! An innocent boy who didn’t ask for any of this to happen to him, just like how we didn’t. I get it, I’m sorry that this job is stressful, I really am. But that gives you zero right to act the way you are!” You were screaming at him at this point. You didn’t want to. You didn’t want your emotions to get the best of you. But he was being too stubborn. This was the only way you thought you could get to him. You might not have wanted to, but you needed to hurt him now. It was the only way.

“You can’t be so power blind that you refused to accept the fact that there could be a way around Captain Davis’ death. You said we saved Earth’s before, I’m sure we could do it again.” Your anger only kept rising when he kept walking away and didn’t respond. “This is a personal thing isn’t it?” you asked calmly. You knew it was working now when he stopped walking. “Yeah, it it. You won’t let Miles get his happy ending. Because why should he be pardoned of his burden while the rest of us have suffered so much. While you’ve suffered so much.” The answer to your question was confirmed when Miguel stayed silent. “Just because you didn’t get the life you wanted Miguel, doesn’t mean you have the right to stop other people from getting theirs.”

You knew you overstepped the line when Miguel turned around and started walking towards you, fury burning in his crimson eyes. “Yeah, so what! What if that is what this is all about! You should know better than anyone how much this job takes away from you!” he screamed at you, backing you up into a wall. “Why should he get to be let off so easily, while people like you and me have to suffer so much? Don’t try to turn me into the villain here when I know you’re thinking the exact same thing, y/n.” He wasn’t entirely wrong. You had wondered it at some points. “I won’t let you turn this onto me Miguel, this is about you,” you fired back. “Oh no, you’re not getting off that easily. I know you’re thinking it. And you’re right. Why should Miles get let off so easily when you’ve lost so much.” He held your hands in his, trying to connect to you. “And you have mi vida. You’ve had so much taken from you and it’s unfair. Why should he only have lost one person when you’ve had three taken from you. Your brother, Peter, your moth-.”

He was cut off by your hand striking against his face in a harsh blow. “If you’re smart, and I know you are, you’ll keep those three out of them. I won’t let you drag their names through the dirt for something as stupid as this.” You both stood there for a while, both of your eyes looking towards the ground, hoping it would open up to swallow you both as an escape from this god awful conversation. You never wanted it to come to this. In all honesty, you cared for Miguel. You might’ve even loved him, if you were even capable of doing such a thing. You hoped he felt the same way about you, but in a job like this, he always had at least one wall up around you. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. You were too tired to keep trying for something that was most likely going to fall apart in the end. 

“You’re still going after him aren’t you?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. Miguel looked back up at you. “You can’t ask me not to. You know better than anyone why this is so important to me.” He moved his hand up to cup your cheek and kissed your forehead gently. You let it sit there for a minute out of habit before pushing it off your face. “And you must know why I can’t stay anymore then.” His shoulders dropped. “Whatever this thing between us is. It’s over. I can’t stay beside someone who can’t see what he’s doing is wrong.” Miguel’s dropped hand turned into a fist of anger. “Fine,” he spat in your face. “I don’t need someone like you in my way. You’re just a liability to this anyways.” He began to walk away from you back to his scanners. “Just don’t come crying back over to me when your little plan doesn’t work out, cause I won’t help you.” He used his webs to pull himself back up to the platform to keep looking for Miles. You stood there for a second, gathering yourself.

Five years. Out the door just like that. It bewildered you how easily a bond like you two had could be broken all because of one teenager. You began to make your way for the door before you said. “When this is all over…don’t try to find me.” He didn’t respond. Once the elevator doors opened, you rushed inside, desperate to get away from him. So many thoughts rushed through your head as the doors closed and you sunk down back to the lobby to leave. You didn’t have much of a plan. This could end up being a horrible idea. Your gut told you it was the right thing to do though. And that was enough for you. You walked out of the headquarters lobby with a new heart and a new mind, ready to take action for your new plan.

First though, you had to find Gwen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: god that took longer than it should've. dw dw i'll do a part 2 if enough people ask for one. im not 100% sure how im gonna do a part 2 cause yk....idk how beyond the spiderverse is gonna go so tbh, we're just gonna make it go the way i want lmao. thanks for reading, ik this was kind of a long one lmao

NEXT CHAPTER

#miguel o’hara #miguel o'hara x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #into the spider verse #spider-woman reader #across the spiderverse #fem!reader #fanfic #fanfiction #spiderman #spider man #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderverse

[carni-val]

When you know, you know [Carmen Berzatto]

pairing: Carmen Berzatto x Reader

summary: Carmy has a problem saying I love you, but he's got no problem showing it.

warnings: Slight angst if you squint really hard, some fluff

author’s notes: Yeah, it's been a year since I've written something but my current hyperfixation on The Bear has really inspired me to write. Carmy's struggle with saying I love you is so real, but I sincerely feel he's an acts of service man. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you so much for reading!

She stood at the opening of the door, looking down on him. She worked a full shift and she was still as beautiful as when she woke up this morning. He, on the other hand, looked dishevelled; he was sure of it. His hair was all over the place from running his hands through the mass of curls with a thin sheen of sweat layered over his skin and he was still a little self-conscious about the smell of the restaurant that had clung to him upon his arrival, as Sugar mentioned earlier.

She didn’t seem to mind though as she knelt down on the floor beside him. Overdue invoices and notes scribbled down in his brother’s chicken scratch surrounded him on the office floor.

She was closer now, and yes, still beautiful.

“Hi,” she smiled sweetly.

“Hey,” he couldn’t help but huff out a sigh.

Prepping the menu and serving it to all the customers was more than enough work for the day, especially with the disastrous system Richie insisted on upholding. The bed he’d been dreaming about collapsing into, beside her, seemed to get more and more distant with more of the shit he uncovered in the office. Who knew an office so small could have so much shit hiding in it?

“Still sorting, huh?” her eyes held sympathy for him, noticing how tired he looked.

“Still sorting,” he confirmed, his eyes softening when they met hers. “I think it’s gonna be another long night for me tonight, I’m sorry.”

“Can I help?” she asked, already scanning the documents.

“No, I’m sure you’ve had a long day. Why don’t you go home and go to bed?” he reached out and stroked her cheek with his hand, cupping her jaw with the palm of it.

She leaned into his touch, “You’ve had a long day too, and I’ve got the day off tomorrow. Let me help.” She settled down on the floor next to him. “What can I do?”

Carmy’s gaze lingered on her. If he thought about it all too long, he’d break down, he was sure of it, so he simply asked her to organize the overdue invoices — ones for the restaurant, ones for the inventory and so on.

“Yes chef,” she replied with a cheeky grin.

Carmy felt the laugh escape him before shaking his head. He watched her for a moment.

He really—

He couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. Maybe it was something to do with Donna, or the fact that he never really had a girlfriend before her, or because he still couldn’t figure out what the hell she was still doing with him.

His breath caught as he felt a twinge in his chest. He brought a hand up to soothe it and she looked over at him.

“Bear?” her warm hand reached up and pressed against his. “You okay?”

The concern in her eyes stole his breath but it soothed the ache in his chest. He felt a hint of embarrassment, desperately not wanting to have a panic attack in front of her. He didn’t want to scare her.

So he just nodded and let a smile stretch across his face, albeit tight-lipped.

She wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t push him. She just took his hand in hers and kissed his tattooed knuckles.

His smile cracked, revealing his teeth, and it was more genuine. She seemed convinced, releasing his hand and turning back to the work.

“You hungry? Can I make you something to eat?” he asked instead.

“I’m okay, I had a late lunch.”

“Are you sure? It’ll take me a minute.”

“I’m sure,” she smiled up at him. “I just wanna get this done so you can get to bed.”

Her hand reached up and held his cheek this time. She ran her thumb underneath the bag of his eye. After kissing the palm of her hand, they got to work.

After almost three hours of sorting, Carmy excused himself for a smoke break.

“Can I make you something?” he offered once again, standing in the doorway.

She shook her head, deciding that he’d done enough cooking for the day. Although she was starving at this point, she just wanted to get Carmy home and to bed so he could rest.

Although he lingered at the door for a moment, to probably try and convince her, he decided against it, leaving the office with his cigarettes in hand.

She knew he loved to cook for her, always watching her as she took the first bite of anything he cooked for her, but seeing the toll the restaurant had taken on him after only just a week was beginning to worry her. That’s why whenever her stomach grumbled, she let out a cough or ruffled some papers around to try and mask the sound. She knew Carmy would put her before himself and she couldn’t allow that.

She decided she’d eat once he went to bed, or maybe when he got into the shower.

Yeah. The shower seemed like a good idea.

A great one actually.

Spending three hours sorting through paperwork seemed like enough to call it a night — seven hours since she had lunch. Her stomach grumbled again and she could swear she smelt hints of beef, sautéed onions and peppers in the air.

She really needed to get home.

At the thought, the door to the office opened and behind her stood Carmy with two plates, a sandwich on each of them.

“Carmy-“

She began to protest but he stopped her. He knelt down, not having to dodge copious amounts of papers now that everything was sorted into neat, organized piles.

“I could hear your stomach from out there,” he nodded his head towards the kitchen.

A sheepish expression overtook her face as she looked down to the steaming contents within the sandwich.

“This looks and smells amazing, Bear.”

“Tastes even better,” he held out a plate to her.

Eagerly, she took the plate in one hand and picked up the sandwich with the other and took a bite. Flavours melded together to cause a more than satisfactory feeling to overcome her. Her ravenous stomach finally settled while begging for more at the same time.

She hummed as she chewed, nodding her head in complete ecstasy. Carmy laughed, ducking his head and shaking it slightly at her theatrics. She laughed along with him.

His bashful expression made her heart swell. He had never been more attractive to her. Seeing him do the thing he was so talented at was a sight she could never grow tired of. But the drive and determination that oozed out of him as he worked to whip this restaurant into shape opened up a whole new side to Carmy that she’d never seen before. 

She loved him.

Not that she would say it again, because the one time she did, she watched how catatonic Carmy became. After his sincerest apologies, she assured him it was okay.

She decided to let it hang in the air and let him say it when he felt okay to do so.

In the meantime, she’d revel in the ways he showed her.

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto imagine #the bear #the bear imagine #jeremy allen white #jeremy allen white imagine

[irondad-defensesquad]

My Irondad fic recs!

I thought of doing this because why not? Admittedly, I'm not reading as much fanfiction as I did a couple years ago, but some fics have changed my life entirely. In case I forgot one, I'll add it later!

I would’ve organized this in a bullet list, but Tumblr hates me and invented a character limit for that. So this is going to be long and will be under the cut. Anyway, let’s do this!

Rare and Sweet As Cherry Wine by loubuttons – I've mentioned this one before, but this fic right here was what inspired me to write my own Irondad works. One very particular detail I like about it is how it portrays Maria, Tony's mother. It's not what I usually see in other fics about Tony's childhood, since they tend to make Howard the big bad parent. Of course, this is because I personally related to it, as I don't believe in the "bad parent vs. good parent". I also like that it praises Edwin Jarvis as the one who looked out for Tony the most. It's pretty realistic and a very melancholic character study, IMO. *TW for abuse and neglect*

You're Always Iron Man by madasthesea – a very short fic but I absolutely love the premise. Takes place after the big battle in Iron Man 2, and Tony finds little Peter again. They have a very endearing interaction. The following chapter is also very cute!

Nothing like a fresh cup of humiliation in the morning by madasthesea – Pure fluff! This one is probably a classic in the Irondad fandom. Tony kisses Peter's forehead without second thought. Shenanigans ensue. It's so adorable and funny. If you just want to read fluff without angst, this one is for you.

when my body won't hold me anymore (where will I go) by madasthesea - I think I heard about this fic thanks to @/irondadfics here on Tumblr, but I might be wrong since I already knew the Nice work, kid series. Anyway, Peter is believed to be dead, so Tony (and the rest of the Avengers team) is mourning him. In reality, Peter is astral projecting. You know, sort of like how Stephen Strange, in his first movie, was fighting a guy in the other dimension while his body on Earth was struggling to live. That's basically what happens. Strange appears, of course, and saves the day. And I pretty much LOVE the presumed dead trope. I don't know why. Maybe it's the angst of it all. *TW for grief/mourning and temporary character death*

The Reason by doctornineandthreequarters – I think I read this one when I was still writing Oh, take me back to the start. I was looking for fics for inspiration, and I found this one. During the Time Heist in Endgame, Tony remembers the reason he's fighting to bring everyone else back. It's very emotional.

Couch Cuddles by happyaspie – Classic sickfic, but with more fluff than anything. I like rereading it when I feel lonely and touch-starved, especially when I'm also sick like Peter.

You’re So Much Like Me (I’m Sorry) by SpaceCowboysFromMars – Irondad + Miles Morales! Peter is an adult in this, and he freaks out when an injured Miles arrives in his apartment. Tony gives him some wisdom about mentoring and parenting. I don’t usually find Irondad stories featuring Miles (and not necessarily a Spider-Verse crossover), so this was a nice discovery. Peter & Miles & Tony is a very underrated trio IMO. *TW for slight gore*

I'm Glad I Have You by punkybunny – Peter has been having a rough time, dealing with loneliness as Aunt May is not home often, and with bullying at school... until he finally has the chance to spend time with Tony. However, the demons don't disappear completely. Obviously, more Hurt/Comfort, lmao. *TW for nightmare/bad dream*

I Want to Trust You by punkybunny – Actually part of a series that, admittedly, I haven't read all the other stories. But even this one is a very interesting concept on its own. This is a Hydra Peter AU, after Peter has been rescued. He gets sick but given his past in Hydra, he thinks Tony is going to get angry. Peter is proven wrong when Tony helps him get better. The ending is very adorable. I'll see if I can read the rest of the series one day. *TW for past abuse and experimentation*

what you think I've done wrong by ironxprince – I don't often read Biodad stories as you all know, but I was, again, looking for inspiration for You keep me searching for a heart of gold, and I stumbled across this one. Basically Peter, as Tony's biological son, finally meets Howard. It goes as well as you think /sarcasm. *TW for physical abuse*

i, in time, will climb my mountain by ironxprince – This one is heavy. Once again, Peter is Tony's bio son, and he's suicidal. Every time Peter attempts suicide, he buys a new plant. Tony doesn't know this, so he's confused as to why there are so many plants in their house. I love this one, but of course, I try to read it when I’m not having a really bad day. *Once again, TW for suicide attempts*

how do you get that lonely (and nobody knows?) by parkrstark – Yeah... another heavy one. Peter attempts suicide but he saves himself before he reaches the ground. With that, he goes to Tony. This ends happily, don't worry. *TW for suicide attempt*

When You Can't Sleep by Emily_F6 – Pretty much Tony comforting a sleepy Peter, who has just had a nightmare about Thanos. Just Hurt/Comfort and domestic fluff. *TW for mention of death*

i get by (but it's eating me alive) by Livinei – Honestly, I think this is the BEST May's Abusive Boyfriend story I've ever read. For one, none of the characters are oblivious nor dismissive of Peter's feelings. May isn't neglectful and Ned actually tries to encourage Peter to tell someone. I also like that Peter isn't completely helpless. I don't usually see those things in other fics with this trope, sadly. And of course, Protective Tony is my weakness. *TW for emotional and physical abuse*

Hold Me Together by An_Odd_Idea – Post-Endgame where Tony is alive, and Peter and Tony are both trying to cope, so they rely on each other. Pure Hurt/Comfort.

A Tremendous Thing by ExpectoPatronum – Possibly one of my favorite Irondad stories EVER. Also post-Endgame with Alive Tony (though the author better explains it in the notes, it's supposed to be part of a series, but this story can be read on its own). There are a lot of references to Charlotte's Web if you're familiar with it. Basically, it's Father's Day and Peter is feeling guilty and out of place at Tony's lake house, even though everyone is readily trying to include him. It's absolutely beautiful and painful.

Hug You I Must by spiderwriting (catch_you_later) – Probably one of the first touch-starved Peter fics I've read. I like how it describes touch-starvation as this "itchy" current in your body, something that makes you anxious. Thankfully, Peter gets his hug later on. Plus there are some Star Wars references (the title probably is one, lol). *There's some minor violence here when Peter is fighting off some bad guys, but not the focus of the fic*

When You're There With No One There To Hold, I'll Be The Arms That Reach For You by Squibbles94 – Another touch-starved Peter fic. But I really like the references to Cast Away. Ironically I saw this movie in the same year the author published this fic (dare I say SHORTLY after it was posted). I also had no idea that Cast Away was entirely about isolation. Gosh, the main character's monologue at the end ALWAYS gets to me... anyway, yeah, the peak of the pandemic was awful to me, so reading fics like this one helped tons. It still does.

I am cold by N/A (orphan account) – Peter tries to visit Tony, but he gets lost in a subway tunnel on a freezing day. Eventually we learn why Peter wanted to see Tony, but overall this is mainly domestic fluff. Everything ends well.

Sorry Pedro by PinkEasterEggs – One of the first Irondad fics I read. Peter has a nightmare about Homecoming (mainly Toomes), but he avoids waking Tony for that reason. But thanks to F.R.I.D.A.Y's protocols, Peter goes to his mentor. Tony is also super soft here and it makes my heart swoon.

you are enough by diaz_evan – Another post-Endgame fic. Arguably I began reading Irondad fics only after Endgame released. Anyway, this one is short, kinda sad but it ends well. It’s Tony’s birthday and Peter feels very anxious about what to get him as a present. Thankfully, he doesn’t need to prove his love for Tony. *TW for panic attack*

Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Stark by downeylove – There are a lot of Father’s Day fics for these two, of course, but this one takes the cake for me. It’s simple but very endearing to me. Tony obviously doesn’t have good memories of this day, but Peter changes that for the first time. It’s really cute. Plus, Pepper is here, and I love her. I wish I could read more of her interacting with Peter. *TW for mentions of alcoholism and past child abuse*

5 Times Peter Didn’t Say He Was Struggling… And The One Time He Did by Bladam_Shevine – Again, an old fic I read years ago. I admit I haven’t re-read it in a while, but I remember enjoying it and even saving it to read offline. It’s basically what it says in the title: Peter struggles in many ways and he initially refuses help. Tony is always there to reassure him he can count on him. Bruce is here if you like him! And MJ helps Peter on one of the chapters as well. The chapters might get heavier as they go, but it ends on a hopeful note. *TW for injury, panic attack, suicide attempt (it doesn’t involve Peter), and depression*

The Good Days and the Bad by SoupGirlLovesSoup - Peter has had a bad day, now he's cuddling with Tony. It takes a while before Peter finally tells him what happened. It gets sad, but it's mostly fluff and it ends hopefully. I love re-reading it when I need the comfort. *TW for mention of suicide attempt, depression, and bullying*

Breathe Again by gwenoakley - Post-Endgame where Tony survives. He's recovering in the hospital and Peter finally reunites with him. Before that, though, we can feel the anxiety and trauma Peter feels. Definitely makes me emotional. It's the ending they deserved.

Well, for now this is it! Again, I might add more fics here. I think I also could make a list of what particular concepts I want to read more in Irondad stories, so maybe you guys could give me your own recs. I might try to resume my habit of reading Irondad fics, because they give me a lot of comfort. Thanks for reading this far! I hope you enjoy any of the stories I included.

(I'm aware some authors here have their accounts on Tumblr, but I didn't want to annoy anyone by tagging them, so yeah 😅)

#lotus speaks #irondad #fics #fic rec #anti starker

[general-cyno]

since I've rambled quite a bit on zoro's side of things in some of my zolu posts, I wanted to give luffy a try too! though perhaps overall subtler than zoro's grand gestures throughout the manga, there's no doubt to me that luffy cares for him just as much and his relationship with zoro is one of the most important he has (without intending to downplay others btw), both as individuals and crew, so let's goooo.

(warning: it's going to be long. sorry. also spoilers for the manga, as usual.)

albeit luffy and zoro's journey as a crew starts in the marine base where they met, I've mentioned here before that their childhood experiences, the way they sort of parallel each other's, also play a big role in their personalities and understanding of one another later on. the specifics are different, sure, but both were acquainted with struggle since they were young. zoro had already lost his parents by the time he was 8 and dragon left a baby luffy in garp's care, which... involved some questionable (dangerous) caretaking choices in order to make luffy "stronger". eventually, zoro would become a student in the isshin dojo, interact with koushiro and kozaburo, and start his rivalry/friendship with kuina just like luffy would later meet folks like makino, shanks and his crew whom he'd be inspired by, then dadan, ace and sabo, who'd become his family.

although we don't know yet what luffy's particular dream is, it's one he's had since young and that he mentioned to his brothers. similarly, as a kid, zoro wanted to become the world's greatest swordsman too, which he told kuina about and promised to strive for along with her. still, it's not until they lose sabo and kuina respectively that their dreams are accompanied by the necessity to become stronger for other people's sake. this is a specific sort of grief they share and are motivated by. and in luffy's case, his vow to become stronger is so he can prevent the further loss of those he loves.

(I'll get back to this, because it's important!)

fastforward to years later and we have a luffy that's started his journey to become the pirate king and achieve his dream. the insane thing about zoro's recruitment is that it only took hearing about the guy's name and fearsome reputation to have luffy pester koby about meeting him. I've also mentioned here that "fate" seems to be a recurring theme in OP especially in the latest arcs, and especially where luffy and zoro are concerned, seeing as they not only have a bunch of parallels with each other but also with important figures/characters in OP, some of who share or have shared a close relationship among themselves as well - namely, roger and rayleigh.

heck, luffy and zoro's lives are so intertwined you can even see lil zoro training during the ASL flashback chapters, when dragon mentions the dojo providing the revolutionaries with some food (ch 589). it's kinda incredible tbh. even so, when it comes to zoro... he was first and foremost a choice. regardless of how fate has come into play in the story, it was luffy's decision to actively seek him out and rope him into joining his crew, one he made after realizing zoro wasn't just a good guy but that he also had a cool, crazy dream and a determination to make it come true that was similar to luffy's own.

back then, luffy was already punching others (helmeppo) and getting angry on zoro's behalf, taking bullets for him and leaving himself wide open for zoro to protect during their confrontation with morgan. this is pretty much the beginning of his unwavering trust in zoro's strength and his willingness to step in when luffy needs someone to watch over him in turn. this is what their relationship is based on within? hours? of meeting and it's the foundation of the straw hat crew.

he's praising zoro before he's actually taken morgan down and luffy doesn't even look back to check. the amount of trust luffy's placing on zoro off the bat is bonkers and it's literally just the start.

from shells town onwards - well, in spite of how luffy's considered an anchor by shanks in the first chapters of OP because of his inability to swim, I believe the anchor metaphor is actually kinda perfect to describe zoro and his relationship with luffy, more so from luffy's side, even if he doesn't necessarily say this stuff on the pages.

I may be going on a slightly poetic tangent but it works imo. anchor symbolism is pretty popular and you can find all sorts of articles about it online. I read a few out of curiosity and y'know, the anchor as a nautical symbol has supposedly been regarded as one rooted in feelings such as those of stability and safety. you can probably tell where I'm going with this.

in terms of stability, think of OP's arcs and how many of them zoro's been in alongside luffy. they don't always fight side by side strictly speaking, but zoro is a constant - he's usually there to fight the second strongest threat and sometimes protect or lead the others when luffy's otherwise occupied, or he handles things while luffy gets there/recuperates enough to battle again. for the most part, zoro's also there in a bunch of the crewmate-rescuing arcs and he's even the one to directly liberate brook's shadow in thriller bark. there's only two major instances in which luffy and zoro (+ the crew) get separated for a considerable amount of time, one of them unwillingly and the other by choice: sabaody and zou/whole cake island. ig you could count baratie/arlong park too, but I don't think as much time passed in between one and the other compared to zou/WCI and the reunion in wano.

something that really got me even though it was tinted by a comedic feel, is the fact that bon-chan turned into zoro out of all straw hats back at impel down when luffy was trying to rescue ace and how happy he was at the prospect of having zoro there to aid him. no matter how the adaptation differs from the manga, I couldn't help but think of opla luffy's I need you speech too. would he have been as happy to see any other members of the crew? likely so! still, zoro's definitely someone luffy particularly looks forward to having by his side when things get tough.

irl, anchors are generally used to secure a vessel and prevent it from drifting. sounds a little familiar, I'd say.

it's not as though zoro's the only character in OP who's "guided" luffy but there are moments when he does ground his captain in a manner other characters can't at the time, and my favorite part of it is how seriously luffy takes zoro's words/advice whenever it happens. water 7 and enies lobby are perhaps the best examples of this, as it comes up in the context of luffy's fight with usopp and robin's supposed betrayal.

this is a really, really good moment imo. once luffy slows down to consider what zoro's saying, you can see he understands the importance of it. plus, luffy knows zoro's not someone who'd just leave a friend behind (he's fought to bring some of them back at this point, with luffy and the rest of the crew) and if anything, his "so the fact that he left our crew means nothing to you?!" outburst proves he's as upset as all of them about usopp's choice.

that said, you can tell how much luffy values and respect zoro's imput simply by the way he cries his soul out when usopp finally apologizes and asks to come back. luffy wears his heart on his sleeve and adores his friends, doesn't want to lose them ever, so reining all those feelings in to stay true to his position as the captain that zoro has placed his faith and loyalty in? amazing. and consider it from another angle: if he had ignored zoro, luffy would've lost him too. he certainly doesn't want that either or this would've gone differently.

this kinda thing happens also post timeskip, with zoro reminding luffy to get his shit together at punk hazard, bringing up the fact that they can't just ignore the threat kaido poses in zou to have the entire crew going after sanji, or when they're facing kaido and big mom in wano. zoro's someone luffy counts on to keep him steady and afloat, and this part of their relationship is something that was portrayed (again) nicely in the live action. in ep 6, it's zoro who manages to reassure luffy of his position as the captain and that he's done nothing wrong, that their crew isn't falling apart, because if luffy needs him then zoro vows to stand by his side til the very end. (they're insane).

in addition, their core similarities, understanding of each other and luffy's (almost unbelievable) faith/trust in zoro is what allows him to depend on zoro, specifically, when it comes to things like saving smoker in alabasta, not fighting back against bellamy's crew on jaya, or just mentioning the spilled oshiruko as explanation enough for zoro to get why luffy's angry during the onigashima raid, to name a few of examples off the top of my head.

as for the safety aspect of the anchor symbolism... that one speaks for itself I think. I feel like I must mention once more that zoro's not the only character or even the only straw hat to help or protect luffy, but he's fairly insistent and consistent in this aspect compared to others. compiling all the moments in which zoro's stepped in to protect luffy, worried about his well-being or signaled the rest when luffy's truly in danger/has reached his limits would probably break this site's image upload limit lol.

that said, luffy's the same back at zoro just in a bit of a less common manner or in a different way rather - mostly because of his belief in zoro's strength and the lengths he'd go to keep people safe, which includes allies and more so their friends. one could argue depositing that kind of faith in zoro can have its drawbacks (sabaody) or isn't completely fair (like when he goes all, "with you here, how could this happen?!" in skypiea) BUT. my opinion is that trusting zoro any less than that would likely hurt his pride more. so when luffy says stuff like this,

it's not about having unrealistic expectations wrt zoro but more about fully trusting in the man who tearfully swore to him that he'd become the greatest swordsman and never lose again. the one who trusts luffy just as much in turn, called him captain and pirate king first. luffy's seen zoro pull through some impossible situations, so it'd be more unfair to doubt him this way if you ask me.

this is also why I mentioned luffy's childhood vow. if you ever wonder "how important is zoro to luffy?" compare this,

to this:

luffy's past is revealed hundreds of chapters after skypiea. yet in hindsight, it adds so many layers to his relationship with zoro. for someone like luffy, who promised to become strong so that the people he loves wouldn't have to leave him, who would even die as long as it means he won't lose a member of his crew, the fact that he can relax this much when he gets separated from his friends because zoro's with them is... a lot, man. when you remember luffy's lost people close to him or had them leave him (for very understandable reasons, often out of everyone's control), zoro being one of the most stable presences in his life since they met - someone who will help him fight to get their friends back or stay behind to watch over them when they can't all go together, that for zoro to leave he'd have to be pried by force from his side unless they both agree to it for the sake of their journey and crewmates, is likely to be a very comforting fact to luffy. luffy, who's afraid of/hates being alone more than getting hurt.

he doesn't voice it out but allowing zoro to protect him and the people they both care for is giant sign of love and unbeatable trust, where luffy's concerned. although he doesn't know about it, zoro's sacrifice in thriller bark demonstrated why luffy does this without hesitation too. however, it's worth noting that luffy does worry for zoro's own safety whenever he's there to actually witness him being in danger and he knows zoro well enough to tell when said danger is real. it happens during the mihawk duel, when kizaru almost kills zoro in sabaody then as kuma sends him away, for example. he gets angry, desperate and teary in all of these instances. luffy cares so much about him.

lastly yet just as relevant... is that luffy likes zoro, beyond metaphors and all zoro might represent/stand for in the crew. luffy thinks he's cool, that he'll certainly achieve his dream, enjoys teasing and bullying him harmlessly, offered to share his food with him to convince zoro into accompanying them in thriller bark, tried to give an injured zoro an entire barrel of alcohol because luffy knows he loves booze and thought it'd make him feel better, and is generally someone luffy's happy to be with.

I bring up the wano hug a lot but honestly it doesn't get clearer than this. I've seen people try to downplay this moment but hey, context. people that luffy's hugged this way include 1) sabo, the brother luffy believed had been dead for years, 2) hancock who helped him try and rescue ace and 3) jimbei who's helped luffy during some of the most dire moments he's gone through, like impel down, marineford and WCI. for luffy to straight up hug zoro with just as much happiness, eagerness and enthusiasm in a relatively danger-free situation... he likes zoro, there's no better way to put it.

it's not that they can't butt heads sometimes either, but never seriously enough to damage their relationship. as a more recent example, luffy's shown he can put his stubbornness and recklessness aside when zoro's right even if he doesn't like it (ch 1060, about vivi's current situation). and as long as he's there, luffy won't let people interfere in zoro's fights, much less when it involves zoro's dream - like when he held johnny and yosaku back from stepping into zoro's duel with mihawk, even though luffy himself was worried about zoro.

so yeah, zoro might get to be crazier about luffy more often and explicitly but imo, it's an entirely reciprocal thing.

if you got this far, thanks so much for reading!

#zolu #tp #long post #like. real long #I love these two so much!!!! #and i don't think their relationship is as one sided as some seem to believe it is. luffy's just as crazy abt zoro #regardless of how you prefer to view the nature of their relationship #this is for layne also🙏🏼hope it's a worthwhile read! #jay reads op

[hanjsquokka]

The Phantoms - [ 3RACHA ]

🎙 SYNOPSIS: A lovely independent home in the suburbs of Seoul at a low cost? You didn't question it until you found out the house came along with three extremely confused ghosts.

GENRE: ghosts, music band, rockstar, hip-hop, non idol au!

PAIRING: 3racha × fem!reader, han jisung × fem!reader

CONTENT WARNING: will contain swearing, slightly mature content such as smoke, weed, alcohol, mentions of sexual activities (no actual smut), angst, confused 3racha, ghosts, underwordly stuff (idk). This is highly inspired by the show Julie and The Phantoms!

WORD COUNT: 6K + (ongoing)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: sorry I disappeared for like a month there! Had a lot of things to do irl! Finally back with this fic (I've never been more proud of something I've written) and I just love it because it's so them T-T. Also, if you've watched Julie and The Phantoms, Changbin is so Reggie coded like do not argue with me there ✋️

EP 01 - you made the whole room fucking pink : moving into a new house had it's pros and cons. pros, you finally had a new place to stay in without the lady next door complaining about how loud you played your music or listen to the news from the old man who lived upstairs at four in the morning. cons, three ghosts could inhabit said house, scaring both you and themselves. but who were these ghosts and why did they dress like they were from a 2000's sitcom?

EP 02 - the only idol i know is park jinyoung: the ghosts of 3RACHA weren't as bad as some of the boys you knew but they sure were a handful. for some reason, no one could see them but they sure could hear them. the ghosts themselves were struggling to adjust to the fact that they were ghosts and they missed out on a big chunk of their life. after a small argument with jisung, you begin to see another side to the snarky guy. but when your best friends show up at your house unannounced with news that you didn't want to hear, how long would it take for you to face your fears?

EP 03 - what the hell is spotify : performing at your own housewarming party made you a lot more anxious than you initially thought it would. chan, changbin and jisung — out of the pure goodness of their little dead hearts — decide to help you perform since they were a band after all. after a little mishap with jeongin seeing them, the rappers realize that they could still make music for people. with the help of changbin's new friend, they might just have a chance at becoming 3RACHA again.

EP 04 - we're dying again, surprise : loading

EP 05 - we are not getting eomuk this time : loading

(comment below if you want to be added to the taglist!)

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

#han jisung #skz #stray kids #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz fluff #skz scenarios #han jisung imagines #han x reader #han jisung fluff #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #bang chan #bang chan x reader #changbin x reader #seo changbin #bang chan imagines #bang chan x you #christopher bang #bang chan scenarios #changbin fluff #changbin imagines #changbin scenarios #bang chan fluff #changbin x you #3racha #3racha x reader #julie and the phantoms #( 🎤 ⸻ my works / 3racha )

[crowleyholmes]

hi there chris! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! i love your art!) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

Hiiii omg this is so sweet and means a lot to me, thank you! 🥺💕

I've been meaning to do a little end-of-the-year shoutout/love post for some of my favorite blogs, so I hope you don't mind if I use your ask as the perfect excuse!

I've had many fun years on tumblr, but this one has been extra special. Falling into the Good Omens fandom and meeting all of you amazing people has made this year so so SO much better than it otherwise would have been, so here are some special shoutouts (apologies, I'm sure this will get long, things like this tend to get away from me, so I'll put it under a read-more)

@majortomyourcurcuitsdead SASHA can you believe I was going to just send you an anon telling you that I think you're cool and leave it at that. Can you believe it. WELL thank Somebody you had your anon turned off and I had to expose myself in your dms because it feels like we just instantly connected about like 20 different things and haven't stopped talking since sskjdfhs anyway I'm so happy I met you you're so fun and so clever and so talented and so enthusiastic and I've only known you for like. What 2 months?? Ish? But I already love you so much <3

@lineffability !!! Line you are so *struggles to find words* you're just great is what you are okay. I feel like you are what happens when somebody takes a big cup and puts six shots of love, chaos, sunshine, talent, fun, and enthusiasm into it, generously sprinkles intelligence on top and gives it a good stir. I don't even remember how or when or why we started talking tbh? But your creativity is so inspiring, and some of my favorite tumblr-moments of this year have been 'yes-and'ing with you about one thing or another in a very >:3 manner hahah so! my point is! i love you lots <3

@dontbotheraziraphale Teeeedddd you're wonderful, I vented at you one time and then we talked for like 2 hours and at the end of that 1 conversation I already considered you a friend - and not just in that "tumblr mutuals who talk 1 time are my friends" kind of way but like. Genuinely. You're so kind and so fun and every time we talk it's such a good time ily a lot my bro my buddy my man <3

@crikey01 Tallulah HI I also completely forgot how we started talking but I remember connecting the dots that you were the one who painted those INSANE black and white and gold oil paintings and the way my jaw dropped like?? BRO you're so talented I admire you so much! And I love that we bonded over stopping each other from masochistically checking certain peoples' blogs... 😂 Anyway you're so sweet and fun and ily lots <3

---

The list could probably go on but you four are the people I've talked to most on here and you're the tumblr chat boxes I never close but always just minimize and y'all better see this as the ultimate internet declaration of affection that it Clearly is >:D 💕

---

And here are some more shout-outs because I just HAVE to.

Apologies, I know I've already tagged a bunch of you recently in a mutuals appreciation post but. This is my official thank-you-for-2023 post and I just have a lot of love for you all okay sorry feel free to ignore this <3

@rowan-ashtree (i'll text you back soon I promise I'm sorry I just haven't had the brain-space recently ssjkdfh) @crawley-fell (we've never talked but i love you from afar :')) @ineffabildaddy @llokilaufeyson @actual-changeling @saryasy @hyperfocusthusly @beccibarnes @rainbowcrowley @thesherrinfordfacility @goodoldfashionednightingale @wibbly-wobbly-blog @highlyillogicalandroid (i see your data obsession and i agree <3) @tortugay @foolishlovers @stargazing-crowley @gingiekittycat @weasleywrinkles @bildads-shoes @finleycannotdraw @bowtiepastabitch @heytherefluffy @samwwise @nocturnal-birb @athousandyearstime @angelsdiningattheritz @most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer @jedthesecretdreamer @wraithee @hydrangeadangea @southfarthing @frodo-baggins @mobius-m-mobius

#asks #2023 reflections #personal #friends and mutuals and others appreciation post <33

[doumadono]

Hiiiii! I am squeezing into your inbox to

1. Congratulate you on your achievement. You deserved it sweetheart and I am so happy for you (maybe even a lil jealous! Hihi). Keep up the wonderful work and keep bringing joy and comfort to other people!

2. To request something!

I want some Vanilla-Mango ice creams in a cup with Maple syrup.

All of this for my one and only bunny Mirko! 🐇🤍I love ya girl!

Stay awesome!

A/N: thank you so much, honeypot! Your support means everything. I hope you'll like this short piece, and please forgive me if the character isn't quite right — it's my first time writing for Bunny Hero Mirko! ♥

5k FOLLOWERS EVENT MASTERLIST MY HERO ACADEMIA

The afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the city, painting the buildings with shades of gold and amber. You were walking through the park, lost in thought, when you spotted Mirko sitting on a bench, her prosthetic leg resting beside her. Her expression was distant, her eyes fixed on something far away.

Approaching her, you noticed the faint lines of pain etched on her face. You knew about her recent struggles with phantom pains, the cruel reminders of the limbs she had lost during the war. "Hey, Mirko," you greeted softly, taking a seat beside her.

She glanced at you, offering a small, weary smile. "Hey, Y/N," she replied, her voice carrying a hint of exhaustion.

"Is everything alright?" you inquired, concern coloring your words as you noticed the faint lines of strain etched upon her face.

Mirko sighed, her gaze returning to the horizon. "Just another rough day, I guess," she admitted, her fingers tracing the contours of her prosthetic leg. "The phantom pains have been acting up again."

You reached out, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Rumi. That sounds really tough."

She looked at you, her eyes filled with a mixture of gratitude and sadness. "It is," she admitted. "It's like… I can still feel them, you know? My missing arm and leg. Sometimes, it's like they're still there, and it hurts so much…"

You squeezed her shoulder gently, offering your support. "I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be for you. But I'm here for you, okay? You're not alone. You never were, sweetie."

Mirko's eyes softened, and she leaned into your touch, finding solace in your presence. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

You hurried to a nearby store to grab two bottles of water and some mochi. When you returned, you paused behind a large tree, watching Mirko.

She was someone you deeply admired, one of the few people who truly inspired you. Her toughness was unmatched, and secretly, you yearned to possess even a fraction of her spirit, to be as brave as she was. She was your role model.

You spent the rest of the afternoon with Mirko, talking, laughing, and sharing stories, sitting on that bench. You listened as she opened up about her fears and insecurities, her dreams and aspirations. And through it all, you were there for her, offering words of encouragement and comfort.

As the sun began to set, casting long shadows across the park, Mirko turned to you, her eyes shining with gratitude. "You know," she began, her voice trembling slightly, "even on my darkest days, knowing that I have you by my side makes everything a little bit brighter."

You smiled, feeling your heart swell with warmth. "And you make everything brighter for me too, Mirko. You're strong, resilient, and incredibly brave. I admire you so much."

Mirko's smile widened, and she reached out, taking your hand in hers. "Thank you," she said softly. "That means the world to me. After Jaku and the war, things really shifted," she said, her brow creasing slightly. "It's not like it broke me, but I've been feeling more uncertain. About everything, really. Even my own abilities."

You met Mirko's gaze with a gentle smile. "Rumi," you began softly, squeezing her hand in reassurance, "you have no idea how many lives you've touched with your bravery. In the chaos of Jaku and the war, you were a beacon of hope for so many. Every leap you took, every punch you threw, they weren't just acts of courage — they were beacons of light in the darkness for all those who lost their hope. You saved countless lives with your unwavering determination and your indomitable spirit. Never doubt your abilities, my dear Rabbit Hero Mirko," you urged gently, your words a steadfast anchor amidst the uncertainty. "You are a hero in every sense of the word, and the world is a brighter place because of you. The echoes of your courage will never fade."

Mirko leaned into you, resting her head on your shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice tinged with emotion. "I think that's exactly what I needed to hear today."

#mirko x reader #miruko x reader #mirko #miruko #rumi usagiyama x reader #rumi usagiyama #rumi x reader #rumi #usagiyama #mha x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #usagiyama rumi #mha drabbles #bnha mirko

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

weird post inspired by crowley's walk but kinda sad what is this fandom doing to me

Okay, I was watching a bunch of compilations of Crowley's walk (don't look at me, you've been there) and I had a thought that I sincerely doubt was anyone else's first thought looking at them walk.

It was more specifically that scene, you probably can see it right now, when they get out of the throne-chair hip first, so absolutely fluid, and saunter off.

I wanna be like that. I want to be that light on my feet. I feel that every time I watch the recordings of plays especially musicals, looking at the theatre actors, and yep, I know David Tennant is one too. And it's not just because I've always wanted to do theatre but never have, though that is true.

(TW: uh, talk of being tired/ill, I want to put the warning just in case)

It's because I'm not very well, and I haven't been for a while. Nothing serious, I don't think, but I have very low stamina to start with, and because of medications for my mental health I'm always so tired. Even standing up or walking without waiting a whole minute can make me dizzy enough to flop right on the ground. Even when I (probably) had COVID a couple of years ago, my main symptom was intense, intense tiredness. A few months ago, I had a viral while living alone, and had to crawl my way around (hehe crawl) (this is the state of my dark humour, I am sorry).

And watching Good Omens just reminded me of everything that I want to do, looking at them dancing around rooms and racing in cars, walking through streets for ages and sitting on the arms of chairs. The show is just so filled with life, sprawling in bathtubs and driving through the English countryside, children running around and on rope swings, desperate kisses and reading in a bookshop.

And I want that so, so much.

I want to be able to spring up from chairs and be around human beings and saunter around the city. I don't want to be sleeping through more of the day than I am awake for.

Anyway, just thoughts.

But I do want to take this post to give some love to all of you, and special love to any of you who are struggling with illness. Chronic illness or otherwise, mental illness or physical illness, just any illness. Even if it is just that heavy, heavy tiredness, that we know all too well. When I studied disease, it was broken down into its roots: dis and ease, a lack of feeling at ease. And I am reminded of that one post I saw about chronic illness, and I'd like to say what I read there to you all:

"I hope the pain eases soon."

I know that life is waiting just outside this screen, but as long as I am too tired to go out to meet it, I'm so grateful to this show, to this fandom, and to all of you maggots for bringing life to me. The loneliness has eased since I've been here, and the smiles are a little more often, the tears a little less.

And I think that's really quite wonderful.

#good omens #good omens mascot #good omens fandom #weirdly specific but ok #crowley #asmi #lgbtqia #maggots #neil gaiman #aziraphale #tw illness #tw medication #chronic tiredness #tiredness #fatigue #life #fandom #the beauty of fandom #healing #health #mental health #tw depression #feelings #just thoughts #im tired #but i love you #i love you all

[126dvtn]

— are you mad at me..?

summary : scaramouche has been keeping secrets from you, and he finally reveals it all... one last time.

warnings : very dialog heavy ; soft scara ; (spoilers!!) d*ath

genre : fluff to angst

a/n : anti-comfort writing because i need to cry tonight. inspired by one of ふむ's audios on youtube! (will find and link it tmr)

scaramouche has made many promises ever since he started pursuing a deeper relationship with you. one of which is fairly easy to uphold- "never hide secrets from each other."

but as it turns out, it's on this tranquil morning that he's decided to tell you the many secrets he's been concealing. he sits on your right gingerly- an uncertain smile gracing his face. his lips open and close with evident hesitance.

"[name], uh-" there's an awkward chuckle, "i don't know where to start... you know that promise we made?" he starts playing with his fingers. "the one about not keeping secrets from each other. i..."

a doubtful pause fills the air. "i've been hiding some secrets from you- but before you say anything, hear me out, alright?" scaramouche takes a deep breath and glances at your face. expectant. and he begins explaining.

"i'll start with the lightest. i know i always, um, act like i don't like it when you hug me." he places a hand on top of yours. "well, that's a lie. i actually love it when you hug me, or do anything with me, generally," a cloud-like laugh escapes his lips. "i know, i know, i should've just been upfront with it. but your face- your pouty face- is just... too cute to resist," and he grins, eyes scanning the ground.

scaramouche looks back at you and squeezes your hand. "ready for the second one? this one's worse." a deep breath.

"i've been watching you when you sleep. not- not in a creepy way, though!" a bright red tinges his cheeks. "you're too adorable for your own good! i'm simply appreciating your beauty." he says while frantically attempting to justify himself. "no no, don't get mad at me yet. i have just one more."

he takes a final deep breath. "listen- i know you always tell me to let you brush your teeth before i kiss you. but..." and on his face is a certain look- one that says 'you know where i'm going with this.' "you're so enticing that i wake up early just to secretly kiss you. sorry, morning breath doesn't exist in my eyes!" and with that, laughter erupts.

and when his laughter fades out, scaramouche releases a long sigh. "so, are you mad at me..? i did break a big promise there, so i don't mind if you are..." and as his voice trails off, dread begins to climb the walls of his throat. his smile is a lingering ghost.

"really, just scold me. i've acknowledged my mistake already." he mumbles as the foreboding feeling weighs down on his shoulders.

"it's okay to scold me... you know?" now, it's a whisper- a muted tremble that even he can't hear. he ignores the thick tension plugging his throat.

and that's when one tear falls.

"hey, [name]? please- please scold me... do it like you always do?"

two tears.

"you can do anything to me- shout at me, hit me, anything you want. just please, do something."

three.

"hey... hey, [name]... open your eyes, please?"

and the dams in scaramouche's eyes finally rupture. his hands are uncontrollably shaking as he struggles to hold yours. yours, which are cold. pale. lifeless. he presses your fingers against his forehead; not daring to even glance at your blank, resting face.

"i promise i won't keep secrets anymore, i promise i won't kiss you in your sleep, just- just- spend one more day with me?" he sobs- voice cracking so frequently that his words can barely be understood. he grits his teeth- "wake up, [name]. that's an order. i order you to open your eyes and get mad at me. now." and he expects you to listen to him- his orders are absolute, after all.

but no matter how opulent scaramouche's dreams are, in the end, they're merely dreams.

you don't wake up.

#genshin impact x reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact fluff #scaramouche fluff #genshin impact angst #scaramouche angst

[kimmiessimmies]

Make this night count...

"Look at all the colours! Isn't it pretty, James?"

"Very. The view is great from up here."

"It was a good idea to book this room for tonight."

"I'm full of good ideas."

"We have made things difficult for her this year, haven't we, James?"

"For whom, lovely?"

"Our author. This. Us. It was never part of her plan, was it?"

"No, but, haven't we also made things great for her?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Well, we've made things great for us, either way, Sade."

"Cheers to that, lovely."

"Sade..."

"Hmm...?"

"You wouldn't let me kiss you under the mistletoe because of where it might lead, but... since we're here now... Will you let me kiss you for New Year's?"

"Umm... No, I don't think so...

"Oh... Sorry..."

"I'm not going to let you kiss me for New Year's, James, because I'm going to kiss you first."

"Wha..."

"Happy New Year, you."

"Happy New Year, my girl..."

......

....

...

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think she'll let us be together in the new year?"

"We'll have to see, love... Let's make this night count while we're here..."

My dear followers,

This year has been very... intense... for me. I already wrote a long post about my mental health struggles, which put a huge stamp on my year. However, 2023 will also forever be the year I went back to my Sims, back to my stories, and back to Tumblr.

I spent five years away. Both because real life took over and because I had gotten into a rut with my Sims and the story. I never forgot them, though, and never stopped loving them. And suddenly, somewhere in February, it clicked. Everything fell into place, and I knew where I wanted to go with it all. In fact, it was this boy up here, my dearest James, who pulled me back. His story was suddenly clear as day to me. But how to begin? So, in March, I decided to just start writing. Then, I dusted off my game, found that all shortcuts and cheats were apparently in my muscle memory, and started shooting pictures to go with what I had written. And once I got going, I didn't stop. Everything I wrote in 2023 (and that's a lot!) even if it seemed unrelated, was geared towards James's story and the big moment that still lies ahead. However... As I've emphasised several times by now, I didn't account for this girl... So now it's like James said, "We'll have to see."

Coming back to my story brought me so much this year; I went from gameplay-based to story-based and found out how much I truly LOVE writing and how much it helps me, especially now that I'm going through rough times. Encouraged and inspired by someone dear to me, my story gained a title and came to Tumblr in full. I learnt to not only accept the benefits of poses, but how incredibly enhancing they can be to bring my ideas to life when used right. I reconnected with old contacts and made new connections too, some of whom proved to be true friends outside of this Tumblr/Sims world too. I've loved getting caught up on the stories I used to follow and discovering new ones. I've been amazed at how good CC has become in five years and pleasantly surprised to see there's still a good crowd playing TS3 in addition to the great things some of you are doing with TS4. All of this has been bright spots in my darkness.

And now we're entering 2024. I hope it will be light and bright for all of us. May the good days outnumber the bad ones and may we continue to feel the joy these little pixel-people bring us. Happy New Year to you and yours.

Much love. ❤️

-Kim

P.s. I know, I know; Some of you are now very disappointed you didn't get to see James and Sadie "making the night count." Just for all of you filthy animals I have one more post in this non-canon series set to go. Be forewarned; this one is very NSFW (And Not Suitable To View At New Year's Parties With Lots Of People Around) and will be labelled mature. I also have a sneaking suspicion it'll take Tumblr about 3 seconds to take it down, so I have an alternative post with Pillowfort link waiting in the wings. Going live as the the New Year hits where I am, at midnight GMT+1. See them making the night count by clicking here!

#this is obviously non canon again #My Jadie love is strong... #atoh New Years message #atoh au #Sims NYE #both sims and non sims #personal #long post #the sims 3 #ts3 #sims 3 #sadie stevens #james wyler

[sissylittlefeather]

It's time for a new series! Introducing:

This is the Story

A/N: This is my first experiment with an OC! Her name is Grace Dubois (doo-bwah) and she's a writer and single mom of 6-year-old Wendy. I hope you all love her! The story takes place in 1973. I don't want to say much more and give anything away!

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: not really any yet. There's some cussing and smoking. This'll heat up eventually. I promise.

Song inspiration:

Here we go...

Grace is half asleep in the meeting with her editor. Her daughter, Wendy, was up sick all night and she didn't get much rest. But the editor doesn't really care. He expects her to function at 100% no matter what's going on at home, and usually she can manage, but today is a struggle.

"I need you to do the Elvis Presley book."

Surely, she didn't hear that correctly.

"I'm sorry; you want me to do what?"

"You're going to ghost write the Elvis book. No one else wants it. And there's agreement from the higher ups that he might respond better to a woman." She rolls her eyes. She's always getting assignments that are supposed to be better for a woman. Just once, she wants to be assigned based on her abilities and not what's between her legs.

"No, Frank, I'm not doing it. I need time to finish the novel you originally hired me for. I don't have time to follow a washed-up rock star around."

"That's too bad because I've already told them you're doing it."

"Frank, what the fuck?" She doesn't have the energy to hold back her anger. And she's known Frank long enough to know he knew she'd be mad.

"I'm sorry, kid. They think this'll be a real money maker and somebody has to do it."

She rubs her temples and closes her eyes for a second. It's no use arguing at this point. Not if he's told the big bosses that she'd do it.

"How long is it going to take?"

"He's in Vegas now. They want you to follow him until he goes back to Vegas in January." She glances at the calendar on the wall. It's August 6th.

"You want me to follow him around until January?!"

"It's what they want, sweetheart. You're going to be at their beck and call until this is done."

"Fucking great." She says under her breath. Hopefully, the nanny can travel with her to what she assumes will be Vegas and then Tennessee.

"When do I start?"

"They need you in Vegas this weekend."

"FRANK. IT IS TUESDAY."

"I'm sorry; you know how these kinds of things go." She huffs and gets up out of the chair to walk out.

"Grace, just be careful. He's apparently pretty difficult to work with. Keep your distance." Frank looks at her softly. He's been somewhat of a father figure to her since she started at the company.

"Oh, don't worry." She says as she walks out. "I want nothing to do with Elvis Presley."

******

"You're doing the book, my boy." Colonel Parker says firmly. Elvis slams his Pepsi on the table.

"No, I'm not." He glares at the Colonel.

"This will make it snow for a long time to come, boy."

"I don't care. I'm not telling some stranger about my personal life. It ain't happenin'." They stand in opposition for a while. Elvis knows he will eventually give in because he trusts the Colonel to make the business decisions, but he wants it known that he is not a fan of this idea.

"Can I at least bring the ghost writer in for you to meet? It might change your mind."

"Fine. I'll meet the guy. But this doesn't mean I'll do it." The Colonel walks out to the little lobby where Grace is sitting and asks her to follow him.

Elvis is looking out the window thinking about what it would mean to have someone write about him. There is so much going on in his life right now that he doesn't want the public to know. Telling it all to some stuck up, big city guy in a suit is about the last thing he wants to do.

"Here is the ghost writer." The Colonel says to get him to turn around. He does and has to hide his shock.

She's a woman.

And not just a woman. An attractive woman. Maybe a little old for his taste, and probably married, but it'll be nice to have something to look at through this ridiculous experience. He's thankful for his sunglasses as he runs his eyes over her from top to bottom, taking her in. Her almost-black hair is tied up with a forgotten pen shoved in the top of it and her black-rimmed glasses make him think of a librarian. She'd be more attractive if she'd unbutton the top few buttons on her shirt and reveal more of her olive skin, but he likes the way her brown pencil skirt hugs her hips. He also can't help but notice her calves and ankles, wishing he could see the rest of her legs and feet without the heels she's wearing.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Presley." She extends her hand to him awkwardly.

"Oh, you can call me Elvis, honey." He puts on his normal charm and takes her hand.

"Please don't call me honey. My name is Grace Dubois." He's a little caught off guard by her chill and he pulls his hand back quickly. He's not used to women who don't fall into giggles or tears or screams in his presence.

"Okay, Grace Dubois. So you want to write a book about me?"

"Not particularly. But it's what I've been assigned to do." He suppresses a chuckle. He likes her spunk, but he's still annoyed at the idea of her writing about him.

"Come sit with me. Let's get to know each other before I agree to do anything." He walks over to a little couch and pats the seat beside him. She sits in another chair on the other side of him instead. He sighs and turns to face her. Her attitude was cute at first but now he's getting irritated by her refusal of him.

"If you're gonna be learnin' all the intricate details of my life, I think I'm entitled to some information about you too."

"What do you want to know?" She answers curtly, hoping he won't ask too much.

"Well, are you married?" He doesn't see a ring on her finger, so he has to ask.

"No."

"Divorced?"

"No."

"How old are you?" Now she's getting really annoyed and he can tell.

"I'm 35, but I'm not sure that's pertinent to our task here, Mr. Presley." She's older than she looks. He would've guessed somewhere between 27-30.

"Call me Elvis, please. I'm just tryin' to gather some background information. Wait, you're 35 and you've never been married? What's wrong with you?" Her eyes flash with anger and her cheeks turn red. He realizes he's gone too far, but it's too late now.

"What's wrong with me? I've been focused on my career. You married a girl 9 years younger than you. What's wrong with you?" She asks, crossing the line with him too. He feels his anger rising as well.

"There ain't nothin' wrong with me, honey. You're the one that's been too busy workin' and actin' like a man to find one!" Her mouth drops open. He instantly regrets saying it when he sees that her eyes get glassy and wet.

"I don't think this is going to work out, Mr. Presley." She stands up and turns to walk out.

"Call me Elvis, please." He curses under his breath when he realizes she's headed to the door. "Wait, honey don't leave, I'm sorry."

"Don't call me honey, Elvis!" She turns back to him and hollers as she opens the door. She slams the door and he hangs his head and sighs deeply. The Colonel is not going to be pleased.

******

What an unimaginable ass. Once the door is closed, she stands in the little lobby breathing heavily and trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling. She always cries when she's mad and it drives her crazy. Colonel Parker comes around the corner when he hears that she's walked out.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. He's an asshole." She knows she shouldn't say it, but she's still pretty worked up. The Colonel sighs and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to him."

"Do whatever you want. I'm leaving. I'll send a new author as soon as possible." She gathers her purse and heads for the elevator. They've paid for her to stay here at the International, so she heads straight to her room.

She left Wendy at home with the nanny while she's in Vegas for now, so it's just her in the suite. When she gets there, she kicks off her shoes and lays down on the big bed. She finally lets the tears from the afternoon fall, getting makeup all over the pillowcase. But she doesn't care. She just wants to go home.

******

"What did you do to her?" The Colonel hisses.

"Nothing! I just... I asked why she wasn't married."

"My boy, how is that any of your business?"

"If she's gonna ask me a bunch of questions and follow me around, I should get to know about her."

"That is not how this works." Elvis nods his head. He knows he's messed this up. He thinks about her dark eyes and how they were full of tears when she left him. He didn't mean to make her cry.

"I'll fix it. I'll get her back here and do the damn book." The Colonel smiles and claps him on the back.

"I knew you would, my boy!" Elvis drops into the chair she had been sitting in and looks out the window again.

******

When she wakes up the next morning, Grace's plan is to head straight for the airport and get the hell out of this town. Instead, there's a knock on the door. When she opens it, all she sees are flowers. The hotel attendant can barely carry the vase as he stumbles in and sets it on the table in her room. It's an obscenely large arrangement. He laughs.

"Someone has an admirer." She gives him a couple of dollars as a tip and he ducks out of the room. She most certainly does not have an admirer, so she grabs the card quickly and rips it open.

"I'm sorry. Please come back.

- Mr. Presley"

She rolls her eyes. Surely he doesn't think this will work. Then again, it would be easier to just do the job than to try to argue with Frank or the higher ups about why she won't.

And it is the slightest bit charming that he signed it "Mr. Presley" after their conversation yesterday.

Maybe she'll just let him call her honey.

******

There's a soft knock on the door and Elvis gets up and walks to it, opening it slowly. He was hoping it would be her, for his own sake, after he promised the Colonel he would fix it.

He takes her in again as she walks past him. Same hair and glasses, no pen this time, but she has on light blue bell-bottom dress pants and a pinstriped button down with the sleeves rolled up. Again, he wishes she'd undo the top buttons and kick her shoes off, but he's not sure why. She is not his type at all.

"So you decided to come back." He says it playfully, trying not to push her too hard.

"I did. My editor didn't give me a choice." She lies a little, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. "Thank you for the flowers."

"You're welcome hon- uh I-I mean, Grace." She actually smiles at him and he's a little stunned, both by the fact that she smiled and how beautiful she is when she does.

"I was rude yesterday. I shouldn't've asked those damn questions."

"It's nothing. Let's just try to start over." He nods and sits down in a chair, gesturing for her to sit in the other one. He knows better than to attempt the couch this time. She sits in the chair and pulls a small notepad from her bag. She reaches up to her hair to grab the pen but it's not there.

"Ah, damn." He suppresses a chuckle at the endearing scene and reaches over to the table and grabs a pen that's sitting there. He hands it to her and she clicks it, ready to take notes. They both sit in silence for a bit.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say here." He opens his hands awkwardly like he has nothing to offer.

"Well, start with telling me why you want to have this book written."

"I don't."

"Okay. Well, what are you trying to say with the book? What message do you want to send?"

"No message. I don't want the damn thing written at all." She sighs and puts the pen down, looking up at him.

"Then what are we doing here, Elvis?"

"Hey! You called me Elvis." He smiles warmly, and for the first time, she notices that he's actually quite handsome. She shakes her head a little and tries to refocus.

"I was brought here to write some kind of book about you. I doubt they're going to let me leave until I do. So you're going to have to tell me what you want it to say." He turns and looks out the window, not sure what to do. He knows he's going to have to tell her something, he's just not sure what. Should he talk about Vegas? Priscilla? The international tour that might never happen?

She's surprised by how quiet he is when it comes time to talk about himself. She figured he was arrogant enough to have no trouble gushing about how great he is. But this is something different. He seems almost shy.

"How about this: start at the beginning. Just tell it to me like a story and I'll ask questions when I need clarification."

"At the beginning? You want to know about all that?"

"I'm not a journalist, Elvis. I'm not here to print your dirty secrets in as few words as possible. I'm an author. I want to tell your whole story in a way that lets people know you the way you want to be known."

He searches her face for evidence of manipulation or mockery and finds only sincerity. That's something he's not used to in the slightest.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"You obviously don't like me. Why do you care what story I tell?" This is a deeper conversation than she expected from a washed-up rock star.

"Because I'm an artist, Elvis. When you do a show, even one you don't necessarily want to do, you do it well don't you?" He nods.

"I know what you're sayin'." There's a strange moment of connection and understanding between the two of them, maybe even mutual respect.

He takes his sunglasses off and pulls a cigarillo out of his pocket.

"Is this going to bother you?" He asks as he lights it.

"Not as long as this doesn't bother you." She takes a cigarette out of her purse and leans forward for him to light it. Then, she picks up the pen to take notes again.

"I recorded my first song for personal use. I never intended to release anything..."

******

Stay tuned for chapter 2!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @ashtag6887 @aliypop @your-nanas-house

Want to be tagged for this series? Let me know!

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis fans #elvis fanfiction #elvis x oc #elvis presley x oc #elvis presley fic #elvis fic #Spotify

[phantomrose96]

So I'm one of those people who had to take a break reading ABoT. Part way through reading I thought of that writing advice that goes something like "look at the current scenario and figure out how things can get worse" and decided ABoT was applying that advice with both fervor and finesse. It had me hooked through multiple all nighters and it wasn't until, ironically, the ending of chapter 37 where Reigen is standing in the remains of the Mogami house that I stared at the next chapter button and realized I would absolutely not be able to handle more, mentally or emotionally, if this fic kept following the previous advice. So I set it aside for a month to recover, tentatively poked into the next chapter tense and ready for things to continue spiraling, and gradually started to relax and unravel until...well, you know. I remember having to put my phone down and take a walk with the reveal of everything that Ritsu had incidentally caused (even if the blame can be pinned on basically everyone in some measure, but that's a whole other essay in my notes).

When I reached the current cliffhanger, I waited a scant day before starting all over, this time slower, more careful, and with a more analytical eye. Not for critique, but because I was confused. That writing advice from before, I'd seen it implemented both poorly and skillfully, and ABoT used it with a finesse I've yet to see anywhere else, and I had to figure out how. What made what can be boiled down to a high stakes wild goose chase so compelling? Why couldn't I put this story down until my emotional limit couldn't handle any more? How could I learn from this and make my own writing better? What did this have that I clearly lacked?

I don't think it was until after Teru's and Ritsu's first fight that it clicked for me. I stared at that scene, then my own characters, and realized I'd written two of my own meeting in a similar fight and had neglected any form of consequences. My characters became friends because of a mutual friend. Because that was the end goal I wanted. I had that omniscient knowledge; I knew I wanted them to end up as friends, so I wrote the most objectively logical decision to make.

Except. These characters aren't objectively logical. They make the decisions that look the best to them in the moment, even if those decisions are bad, or horrible. A character who's been soundly beaten into the ground by another won't so easily become their friend, even if their opponent is the nicest person ever. There's distrust and fear. They're going to make bad decisions. Things weren't getting worse for the sake of getting worse. They got worse because of the direct (bad) decisions of the characters.

Once I realized that, I was struck with such violent inspiration I wrote something like 11k words worth of scenes and revitalized my own love of writing in a day. I was so stuck on the end goals I forgot about the struggles in between. I had gotten so focused on grand, overarching conflict, I forgot how compelling it can be to just have two characters punch each other in the face. Too much of my writing had stuff happening around the characters instead of happening TO or BECAUSE of them. I had forgotten character conflict, and when I started writing those flaws, I couldn't stop. I was having too much fun!

Sorry for rambling about my own stuff, I just wanted to convey how much impact you and ABoT have had on my own creative endeavors. I've been inundated with too many stories, fics, movies that occur on such big planet-wide scales with dire, multiverse threatening levels of conflict, that when presented with a long form tale of a kid desperate for his missing brother, told from the perspectives of a small, well developed and spectacularly characterized cast, in a single city, told with stakes that made me care more than any threat to the world, it was like a breath of fresh air. So I guess this is a thank you for ABoT as a whole and a thank you for writing Ritsu the way you do.

Unfortunately for him, he's an inspiration.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YES YOU GET IT YOU GET IT YOU GET IT

ABoT, if nothing else, is a story about its characters. Everything that happens with consequence to the plot can be traced back to a character's own decisions. The characters' wants and needs and actions and faults all come first, and the plot follows accordingly.

(And maybe that sounds obvious.) Aren't stories about characters? But there are so many stories where the characters are just kinda... there. They're blank slates to receive the plot happening around them. Many things they try to do have no consequence. They'll try to take action and the plot will carry on exactly the same as though they'd never even tried, because the writer doesn't want to figure out how that character action might matter. Or a character will do something awful and the plot will just brush past and forget, no consequences or continuity, because the writer had their fun in the moments but now they care about getting the plot back on track, and that would be annoying to work around. They create stories where you can't put your excitement and investment in the characters cuz you just... can't trust they'll matter.

The most important thing about ABoT, to me, is that the characters are making it happen. The good, the bad, can all be traced back to decisions characters had the active choice in making.

I have plenty of fun joking that ABoT is one of those "oh my god it keeps getting worse!!!" stories, but I never ever do that by just dropping random terrible things from the sky. It's always the characters. It's them and it's their consequences of everything they've set in motion, or fought against, or allowed to happen. It's always a thread, thoroughly traceable, spawning from character actions which drives everything both good and terrible (and SUPREMELY terrible) that happens. It will always be the characters.

And I really, truly believe this is what I'm doing to make what is ultimately a wild goose chase featuring less than a dozen people worth reading. When Ritsu fucks up, it's worth caring about because you know this will impact the course of the story. When Reigen succeeds, it matters because he does have a grip on the reigns of the plot and has the chance to better this for everyone. When a character does anything, it matters because is about them, and what they're desperately trying to achieve.

And when a scene isn't about "an action with a consequence", it's still a scene with a point. For any scene I write I always make sure I can answer "what's the point of this scene?" Mob and Reigen reopening Spirits and Such isn't about to barrel the plot forward, but it's hearty and important character development for them. It's the "why should I care about this future being snatched from their grip" when everything goes wrong.

When everything went bad bad around chapter 32, and tumbled worse for many chapters to come, it was me finally tipping over the first domino in a chain of dominoes the characters themselves have been setting up since the start. It went bad not because I arbitrarily decided to fuck with them, but because everyone's actions carried consequences.

Even with ABoT's WORST possible outcome, where Mogami comes out the victor with everything he wants, all others crushed beneath him, this will mean the ruination or death of about... 10 people. A blip on the news. An "oh isn't that sad?" when a second kidnapped son never makes it home, when a conman goes missing (not noticed until a month later when the rent comes due), when a police officer kills his wife and himself, when an orphan kid vanishes off the map from Black Vinegar mid. And life would carry on. And the sun would still rise every day. And no part of this would end the world.

But if I'm doing this right, I want that outcome to feel like the end of the world. I want it to feel worse than that, given what a quiet and unsung tragedy it would be for all these personal efforts and struggles and desperate reaches for betterment are snuffed where they stand. Because they tried and it mattered and they failed anyway.

It IS just a wild goose chase centering around a kid who wants to have his kidnapped brother back, and it's 350k+ words to me.

dfjkdfnkjdf so anyway, I am very clearly super thrilled you were able to see this! It all ties back to character weaknesses and strengths, consequences of actions, irrational responses to situations fueled by character, and not by logic, and the audience knowing that what these characters do will matter. I love stories where humans are messy. I love stories where the tragedy happened because of them, where you can trace the thread back and find exactly how it all went wrong. I love clashing personalities. I love character spirals you can see a mile away and yet you know exactly why the character did that. I love yelling at the pages while knowing that realistically, this character wasn't going to do any better than that. I love knowing exactly how things could have been avoided, and knowing exactly why they happened anyway. I love seeing consequences stick. I love seeing characters matter. And I'm goddamn thrilled you feel that way too and that ABoT could make you find the way to do that in your own characters!!!

#abot #a breach of trust #sorry this took so long to answer i kept writing responses that got way off track #and then I'd have to come back like #'no you cannot write a 20000 word explanation of every single pivotal character action and consequence in abot' #'i know you (me) worked hard to plan those out but you (me) cannot write all that'

[cosmal]

-ˏˋ YOU BELONG WITH ME ; james potter

summary :: james potter, your best friend, gets a girlfriend. you hate him for it because you’re in love with him, but it’s because you love him that you pretend it isn’t eating you alive. but it doesn’t take James long to realise that everything he’s ever wanted was right there the whole time.

warnings/tags :: swearing, tiny bit of misogyny, modern!marauders, rugby player!james, rugby player!sirius, university!marauders, self doubt, rushed ending sorry!!

james potter fic inspired by you belong with me by taylor swift

words :: 7k

You couldn't pinpoint the exact moment you found yourself enamoured with the wildcard that was your best friend, James Potter. The exact moment you found yourself blushing every time he spoke to you in a cheesy way, or when you found your skin erupting in goosebumps every time his fingers trailed up your arm.

The exact moment you realised you were in love with the boy you had spent half your life being around, was probably when all of the moments you cherished so deeply were ripped right out from underneath you. When you realised he was no longer yours to share any of those moments with anymore.

When James had told you that he had gotten a girlfriend, you wanted to laugh at first honestly. You wanted to pinch yourself, hoping to snap yourself from the nightmare which was the brunette he had wrapped around his firm arm.

She wasn't a sight for sore eyes, that was for sure. She was a picturesque version of everything you could've ever wanted to be and more. Her long hair that trailed down her back just above the fold at the top of her skirt, and her dark skin that melded into James's perfectly as one.

The final straw would've been the pretty smile plastered across her face, but it was when she used her perfect mouth to speak, that you forgot all of her intimidating attributes and you actually laughed.

"Y/N?" She snarked, "James has never mentioned you before."

"Yes, I have!" He laughed, clasping his hand around her arm, "I talk about her the time." God, was the boy clueless. It was kind of pitiful, but you would never blame him for being so naive. Especially right now.

"No, you haven't, Jamesie." She almost pouted at him, batting her eyelashes his way. You could've heaved right then and there at the nickname she had used on him. You could tell James could've also, his eyes pinching together in a wince that quickly formed into a tight smile at the girl. You weren’t sure if he was embarrassed by her, or just the nickname she had chosen. Probably both.

"Yeah, y’know? Our families are friends, I've known her ever since-"

"What was your name again, sorry?" You couldn't listen to him try to redeem himself any longer, it hurt honestly. He didn’t need to defend you just because she pretended not to remember you. Sure, he always jumped to your defence, no matter what. But it pained you to watch him get so flustered at how awfully this first impression was going.

“Olivia.” She smiled weakly.

“That’s a lovely name.” You returned the gesture, but really it was more pointed towards your best friend.

James on the other hand just dropped his head low. He wasn’t sure what had come over his girlfriend, she had never acted so abrupt since he had met her. Maybe it was the nerves? Meeting new people can be scary for some, especially when meeting your new boyfriend's best friend. He hoped that was all it was.

“Well, I’m going to go grab a drink.” You broke the awkward silence that had settled over the three of you. It was only then, that you had time to think about the situation you were actually in.

James had gotten a girlfriend. The mere thought of James being with someone that wasn’t you, made your throat close up and struggle with strained breaths. The official dumbfounded aftershock had settled from your mind and you were now on the verge of tears thinking about James and another.

You were always one to laugh in the face of such stupidity. But now you looked at James as he smiled at Olivia, leaning forward to peck the corner of her mouth. She then reached up to wipe the red lipstick from his lips with a perfectly manicured hand.

God, were you going to be sick?

“You okay, Y/N?” James's question confirmed that not only did you feel like being sick, you must have looked it too.

“Yeah, you look a bit pale.” Not right now, thanks, Olivia.

“Drink…” You murmured, “I’m going to get a drink, you guys want one?” You barely gave the two any time to answer before you were traipsing off away from them, towards the drink table.

To your luck, Sirius and Remus were sitting on the faux leather couch beside the table that was topped with too many liquors to choose from. It was times like this you needed James, he was the one to always make your drinks for you. You were sure he probably realised that too, as soon as you said you were getting your own drink, not him. But there was no way you could be around him at this moment.

You didn’t even attempt to mix your own concoction, just walked over to the two boys draped over each other and squeezed yourself in between them. As soon as you found yourself settled, you let yourself take in one of those quick, staggered breaths. The kind of ones that always felt good when you were crying, but the situation surrounding them was never pleasing. You always hated that you could only find yourself doing it if you were a crying mess.

“Y’right, love?” Sirius questioned as he shifted so you could be more comfortable between him and Remus. Your cold body a harsh comparison to Remus’s warm, cosy one. He probably would’ve scolded you if you didn’t look so distraught.

“You met Olivia?” Remus questioned, coming to the conclusion his boyfriend couldn’t. His large, scarred hand came up to brush the flyaways from your damp cheeks.

All you did was nod against his hand, picking at your nails in your lap. Your mouth was downturned in a small frown which was disturbed by a hiccup.

“She’s a right twat, isn’t she?” Sirius laughed bitterly, “Dunno where he found her.” He made her sound like a lost puppy. Though it seemed like she was the way she trailed behind James, always with a hand around his wrist or hip. They needed a leash.

“Rubbish tip.” Remus laughed as well, his shoulders falling backwards. Sirius just snickered beside you.

Normally you weren’t one for talking down on women. Neither were they, honestly. But right now you didn’t care. She may or may not have deserved it, but at the moment it felt like she did.

You couldn’t even be angry at her. Maybe you could be angry at James for being such a naive, selfish, egotistical, self-centred prick. God, even describing him that way felt wrong. Felt good to think, but you knew there was zero meaning behind your thoughts. You could only be angry at yourself for being so self-seeking. You should’ve told him how you felt years ago when you had the chance. Because now that chance had been missed by a mile. Because, he looked happy, right? Who were you to fuck that up for him?

“She probably picked him up there.” You mumbled through wet lips. “Fucking idiot.”

“Jesus, Y/N.” Sirius laughed, though his eyebrows were pulled together, “When did you get so hard on him?”

“Are you serious?”

“That’s what they call me.”

“Fuck up,” Remus reached behind you to swat him up the head. Sirius just glared at him, rubbing his hair with a ring-clad hand.

“He shows up with her, and you expect me, to be happy about it?” You weren’t sure if you were sad or angry. Probably a mix of both.

“Look, maybe she’s just a phase?” Sirius rubbed his hand across your leg in a soothing matter. To which you only grabbed it in your own, your eyes tracing over his tattoos to distract yourself from everything happening.

“Yeah. Just a phase.”

Nausea started to settle in your stomach as bile was urging its way to leave your throat. You weren't sure if it was the amount of alcohol you had consumed on an empty stomach. Or if it was because when your eyes lazily scanned the room, they settled on the happy couple right before you at the drinks table. James pouring himself and Olivia a drink, as she had her arm draped around his waist, firmly holding him to her side. You were sure it wasn't in a romantic manner, but more of an overprotective one.

You observed as James noticed you between his other best friends, his eyes lighting up momentarily behind his glasses. He pulled himself from Olivia's overbearing grip, her face scrunching up into a scowl as she watched where the boy had been making his way over to.

"I feel sick," You began to excuse yourself, pushing yourself up off of the couch, bearing your weight on the two boys' inside thighs. Remus just looked at the boy beside him with a pained look, sensing your uncomfortable feeling was only because James was beelining towards you.

"Y/N?" James asked in that tone he only reserved for you, his hand on your shoulder sent a shiver up your back, his warm hand a stark comparison against your clammy skin. You felt yourself wanting to lean into his touch but you could feel Olivia's eyes burning into your back. You held yourself back, pulling yourself from his grip.

He looked so pretty tonight, it almost hurt. The sleeves of his brown sweater rolled up mid-arm, showing off the veins you knew he loved. His dark locks overgrowing their usual length, you almost wanted to reach up and brush them away from his eyes. You probably would’ve told him to get a haircut tonight, but you couldn’t fall into the comfortable conversation you always did with him. Not right now.

If you weren't fisting at your eyes with clamped hands, you would've seen the hurt look spread across James' face. You had never been one to pull away from him.

"Y'alright love?"

"Fuck," you mumbled under your breath, "Please don't ask me that. Why does everyone keep asking me that?" You pulled your lips together to form a firm line, your hand raised to rest on your forehead.

"You look properly ill, s'all." He laughed firmly.

"Thanks, James." You laughed back, no form of happiness actually behind the huff of air.

"What? No, I didn't mean it like that!" He bent down to look into your eyes, pulling your hand from your face to place it at your side. You couldn't even look him in the face, eyeing off every corner of the room instead of being met with his concerned eyes, "You drink too much, or...?"

"I'm just gonna go back to my dorm." You turned to wave the other two boys another goodbye, both their hands waving in a pitiful manner.

You didn't spare James or his new girlfriend a second goodbye, turning away from the both of them to make your way over towards the front door.

"I'll see you later then, yeah?" James raised his hand in the air as he watched you walk away, a confused frown across his face.

You turned one last time to unforgivingly look at the group. All you saw was Olivia pulling his arm down, and grabbing him by the jaw to lay a kiss on his face. James's lips turned towards the girl but his big confused doe eyes were still trained on you as you slipped out the door.

-

A phase right? God, you only wished that’s what they were. Where ever you looked around your university campus you would only be met with James and Olivia making out in the Library or in hallways, and if they weren't eating each other's faces, they would always find some way to be all over each other.

At first, you wanted to be angry with James. Wanted to hate him for doing this to you. But it didn't take you long to realise that whatever he had going on with Olivia, had absolutely nothing to do with you. Why would it? You and James had never had anything between you that was nothing but platonic. He could do what he wanted, even though you felt like it was wrong and she was bad for him.

You had never brought this up with him, never wanted to overstep. Never told him how, no matter how nice and amazing she seemed to him, Olivia could have been one of the worst people you had ever met. He was so blinded by love, it was ridiculous.

"How long have you known?" You questioned Sirius and Remus, perched up on James' bed in their dorm. You had always gone to the two for advice with James whenever he was out, they always knew how you felt towards your best friend.

"Know what?" Sirius questioned, running his fingers through Remus's hair, as his head was situated in his lap.

"Sirius..." You sighed.

"Look, we didn't know for long." He coughed, Remus eyeing him from the corner of his eye in a scolding manner.

"If you're just going to lie to me," You went to get up from the bed but stopped as Remus quickly sat up from Sirius's hold.

"Not long," Remus let out, causing you to pause your movements, "A few weeks at most. We didn't think they were that serious."

"Yeah, she honestly just seemed like a one-night stand." You sat back down to listen to what Sirus had to say, "That was until she kept hanging around our dorm and showing up to rugby practice,"

"Why have I never seen her before?"

"I don't know, you've been so busy lately with assignments and shit." Sirius huffed out a laugh but his smile quickly faded at your concerned look, "Look, as we said, they weren't that serious. Their relationship was much of a shock to us as it was to you."

You let out a loud huff, throwing yourself onto your back, leaning your head into James's pillows. The soft material falls around your head, enveloping you in his cologne and laundry detergent. You could've let out a small cry at the overwhelming sense of him. It had been a while since you had been around him, not letting yourself face him since you had met Olivia. You weren't sure if you felt guilty yourself, or angry at him. But it was too much.

You threw your hands to your face, covering your eyes that pricked with small tears. The boys could sense your uncomfortableness, their faces down turning into frowns as they heard little sniffles from underneath the pillow.

Sirius got up to walk over to you, his knees pressing into the firm mattress, "You want to be left alone for a bit?"

You nodded through the plush material, wiping at your damp cheeks, "Yes please," You sniffled.

"Alrighty, we'll come back later."

"Thank you."

You weren’t sure how long it took you to fall asleep, but you were assuming it wasn’t long. Because when you were awoken by a warm hand on your calf, your eyes, expecting to be stung by the bright light they fell asleep to, were welcomed by a dark hue shining through the curtains.

“Hey,” James soothed, giving your leg a small squeeze.

Your eyes shot open momentarily, bringing your hand to wipe the drool from your lips. “Shit, sorry James.” You cleared your throat, throwing your legs over the side of his bed.

“What for, love?”

You winced at the all-too-familiar pet name he gave you, one you normally would willingly accept with a smile, but you now shunned with a crease between your eyebrows.

Not only did the strained look not go unnoticed by James, but it also had him wringing his hands together, concerned about why all of a sudden you flinched at every pet name and caring word he would give you. Usually, you would reciprocate every nickname with one even more cheesy. Now he was only met with a frown.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I was talking to the boys and I...” You inhaled sharply. You couldn’t help the change in demeanour, you had been avoiding him for a week and now he was all of a sudden at the foot of his bed, his thumb rubbing circles into your leg. “Got too comfy, I guess.” You sheepishly admitted, blush rising up your cheeks, pulling your chin to your chest.

“S’alright,” he reached out to brush the hair sticking to your clammy, post-nap skin, “I missed you, where you been?”

“You know where to find me,”

“Yeah, I know that. You’ve jus’ been a little distant, s’all.”

You inhaled sharply, biting back the urge to just blurt out everything you’ve been wanting to say to him since the last time you were together.

Oh, I don’t know, James? Maybe I’ve realised that our relationship meant a lot more to me than it did to you. For the last week, I spent every waking hour wondering what I did wrong to make you change everything about us. Blaming myself for ever wanting you that way in the first place. Realising that I’m probably the stupidest, most naive person to ever walk this planet. But, no, I’m not sure why I’ve been so distant.

But no, you couldn’t say a single thing to him. And you would never. You were the bigger person and you were going to prove that to not only yourself but to everyone else. You could be happy for him, you could push your feelings aside and be there for him. Because he was your best friend, and you loved him. No matter if your feelings were reciprocated or not, you could do it. No matter how much it hurt.

“Y/N?” He waved his hand across your unfocused line of sight, “You’re only proving my point here.”

You blinked lightly, straightening your back out, “Yeah, sorry. Been a little sick. Y’know whatever Remus had last week? Yeah, I think I caught that off him.”

“Oh okay.” He sighed, biting on his bottom lip gently, “You should’ve told me. Y’know I’m fun to be around when you’re sick.”

You couldn’t help but let the smile you were fighting overtake your face, but not quite letting it reach your eyes, “Yeah I know.” You trailed off slightly, “I just thought you would’ve been busy with Olivia, s’all.”

“Yeah, we have been a little busy, I guess.” He wiggled his eyebrows, elbowing you in your side. All you could do was giggle weakly. Pretending to be happy for him was going to be hard. But, you could do it. “You should hang out with us sometime. She’d love to get to know you.”

“Olivia?” You huff air from your nose, “Get to know me? I don’t know, we’re not exactly the same.” The same? Weren't even close. Polar opposites in fact. The fact you were so dissimilar made you wonder why you ever thought he would be interested in you of all people.

She held herself with such beauty and respect and clearly looked like she had had the ground she walked on, worshipped ever since she was born. Not saying she didn't have her struggles or hardships, we all do. But, she just looked so above that.

And of course, you found yourself beautiful- on a good day. But her beauty was different. Like she was born with it. Like she never had to discover herself and everything came so naturally to her. A natural beauty.

“Yeah, you guys have heaps in common!” You could’ve snorted at that. But, you didn’t.

“Yeah? I doubt it.”

“Why would you say that?” God, you really didn’t want to talk about this right now. It was like holding a hot poker to a fresh wound. But, you could suck it up.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled to him. “She just doesn’t seem to be anything like me.” She wasn’t you.

“Yeah! She’s into that band you like. ABBA!” He clasped your shoulder, smiling giddily. You hadn’t listened to ABBA in a very long time. Years probably. Of course, James knew that because you both liked the same things. “And she’s really funny.” Again, you could’ve snorted. “Not as funny as you, though. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Cutting his confession short, he pulls his phone out that was buzzing in his back pocket, “Speak of the devil.” He grins.

The devil.

“Hey, sweet thing.” He spoke into the phone. Good fucking lord, you hated this.

Straight away, you were drowning out whatever it was James was talking to Olivia about over the phone. Not wanting to awkwardly impose.

But it wasn’t long before the muffled voice you had pushed to the back of your mind was breaking through, as James began to raise his voice. You wanted to ignore whatever he was yelling about, but you found yourself listening in intently.

“I know, love! But it means a lot to me!” He was waving his hands in the air, huffing loudly.

You could only just hear Olivia’s voice through the other end. Screaming at him for not being able to make it to a concert he had been promising to take her to. They had been together for only two weeks and it sounded like she already had him on some sort of short leash.

“It’s the grand final! I’m sorry, I didn’t know they were on the same day.” He now had his hand in his hair, pulling tightly at his overgrown locks.

Then there was more yelling from her end.

“Look, I can’t help it that I’m the star of the show. The boys will be lost without me.” James laughed lightly to ease the situation, but the tension was quickly cut short by the sound of the hang-up dial tone ringing from his phone.

He huffed out again, chucking his phone next to you on his bed, “I mustn’t be that funny.”

You couldn't help the smile on your face, “I thought it was a little funny.”

“Yeah, you would. You’re as awful as me.”

James found his way back to his spot next to you on his bed, leaning his shoulder into you, this time you just allowed him to be this close to you. "You'll come, right?"

"Hmm?" You hummed, bringing your eyes from the spot where your thighs touched, to his face next to yours.

"The grand final. You're coming, right?"

"Have I ever missed one of your games?"

"Yeah, last weeks." You wanted to slap the smug look off of his face.

"I was sick." Lie. Obviously.

"I know, I'm only kidding." He nudged your shoulder with his own.

"Yeah, and it's the only one I've ever missed, anyways." You reached out to push his glasses up his nose, "Of course, I'll come. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good, because I only play well when you're there." He crinkled his nose at your touch, "You're my little good luck charm. A four-leaf clover, if you will."

"Sure I am."

"It's true, I lost last week's game and what was I missing?"

"Okay, I get it, James," He really knew how to make something ten times harder than it had to be.

"You."

"I'll be there."

"Good."

-

"I"ll have a hot chocolate, thanks, Sirius." You rubbed your gloved hands together, puffing a cloud of fog out past your cold lips, dramatically.

"I'm about to go start warming up." He frowned at you, tying the laces on his cleats. "Get Remus to get you a drink."

"He has no money and I don't know where James put my bag." You pout lightly as he had now moved his tying skills to his hair, making sure to pull every last strand into the low ponytail.

"I'm sure it's in his locker." Sirius laughed at your fake pout, huffing at your lack of reply. "Fine. There's money in my bag. Grab me a drink for afterwards please, babes."

"Thank you, Siri." You laugh, leaning up to peck his cheek with a cold smooch, "Good luck!"

"Go find James before you run off. He's nervous."

"He has Olivia, she should be here by now."

Sirius raised his eyebrow at you, "Did James not tell you?" You shake your head, urging him to continue, "Olivia's not coming, she decided to go to that concert with someone else."

You furrowed your eyebrows deeply, seething with anger. The fog from your nose almost whistles comically, "She what?"

"I know. S'bullshit." Sirius stood from the bench he was seated at, jumping up and down, the studs from his boots smacking against the concrete floor of the shed.

"Fuck, some girlfriend she is."

"Don't say anything to James about it, he'll only defend her. He's been doing it all morning."

"They make me sick."

"Anyways," Sirius pecked the top of your beanie, pushing you out the door, "Quickly go find James and wish him luck. Remus is probably sitting by himself."

"Okay, Okay."

You made your way to the edge of the field to find James with a few other teammates, running up and down a small patch of frostbitten grass. You watched as his calves strained through his gold and maroon socks, little bits of grass stuck to his skin. You loved him in his rugby clothes. He always opted for choosing a jersey that was a little too small. He blamed it on optimal flexibility for when he was running around. You blamed it on him wanting his muscles to stand out more. You weren't complaining though, he looked amazing.

He still had his glasses on, a weird superstition he had. They had to stay on until he was about to run onto the field. You thought it was cute, watching him train before a game, struggling to keep them from slipping down his nose.

"James!" You waved over at him.

His eyes lit up, veering from his running path to slow to a jog over towards you. "Jeez, love. Aren't ya cold?" He huffed, rubbing his colder hands up and down your arms, over the thin fabric of your jumper. Giving up almost immediately at the lack of heat his friction was causing, opting to wrap his strong arms around your front instead.

You peered up at him, your arms pinned to your sides, "Yeah, Remus has my jacket. I'll put it back on when I go sit down." You beamed up at him, your nose almost touching his chin. "You nervous?"

"Not anymore." He gave you a small squeeze before letting you go. Maybe you were a little cold because you almost whined at the loss of small heat he was providing you. "How can I be nervous when my good luck charm is back?"

"Well, don't get too big for your boots."

"Never." He smiled at you, his cheeks creasing around his mouth.

You reached up to grab his glasses from his face, your fingertips ghosting over his temples, "What have I told you about this little superstition? Hmm?"

You folded the arms of the glasses, slipping them into the sleeve of your cardigan. "You'll break these and cry to me about how expensive a new pair is."

"Yeah, sorry, Mum." He pulled his chin to his chest, jutting his lip out.

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes at his antics, "I'm going to get a warm drink, Remus probably misses me."

"Okay," he was now also kissing your beanie, patting your shoulder, "Go get warm."

"Good luck."

It wasn't long before the game was over. James' team, obviously winning by a mile. You and Remus moved to the shed where the team had gathered, their cheers and general hubbub spewing from the windows and filling the small university stadium.

You found James' curly head through the wave of rugby players cramped into the underfunded team shed. You left Remus's side as he made his way to Sirius, enveloping him in his long arms, nothing but pride in his eyes as he planted a kiss on his lips. They made your longing heart ache with how affectionate they were towards each other. Wanting that with someone else, someday.

"James." You poked him on his shoulder, standing behind him as he laughed at something with some of his teammates, "Mr Potter!"

He turned on the spot and you watched him squint his eyes at you before smiling grandly and throwing his arms around your waist. He lifted you from the ground, spinning you around in the cramped space, you let out a loud giggle as he planted you back to the ground.

"Maybe I am a little bit of a good luck charm?" You laughed again, pulling his glasses from where you had kept them in your sleeve, and placing them back on his face.

"Just a little bit." He scrunched his nose to lift the glasses snug to his face.

"No, it was definitely all you." You poked him on his sweaty chest, him swaying on the balls of his feet. You giggled at the sound of his cleats clicking against the floor.

"Mhm." He stared down at you happily, "Anyways, you coming to the after-party?"

You pretended to think about it deeply for a moment before speaking up again, "Uh, yeah, I think so."

"Okay good." He smiled even more, god he was a happy boy sometimes. Too happy. Something you missed. "Anyways, I'll go clean up. We gonna walk back to our dorms?"

After every home game, the both of you always made the short walk from the university sports ground, back to school. Stopping off at the park on the way.

"Yeah, I'll go find the boys and say goodbye. See you outside?"

"Yeah." More of that smile you had missed.

-

"I couldn’t see you.” James offered you his hand as you climbed up onto the bridge of the playground set at the park.

“Hmm?” You hummed, swinging your legs out over the edge.

“In the seats. I couldn’t find you the entire game, I thought you’d left or something.”

“Oh yeah, as soon as you scored that second try, I was out of there. Knew you would win.” You smiled at him smugly, watching as his own smile turned into a playful scowl.

“Shut up!” He pushed you with his shoulder, causing you to fall sideways and catch yourself with an outstretched arm.

“No, Remus and I watched from over at the canteen, it was much warmer.”

“Oh okay.” He smiled at you again. Looking at his upturned lips, and shining eyes. You realised you hadn’t seen him smile this much in at least a month. You wondered if it was because he was now with Olivia. Because the very cheerful, always smiling James had been lost on you ever since they got together.

There was a small, comfortable silence over the both of you, both of your inside legs swinging in a synchronous rhythm. You decided to speak up, “So, where was Olivia?” You didn’t ask to give him a hard time. Or maybe you did, maybe after watching him play today and seeing him so happy, you’d scold him over his absent girlfriend.

You could see his eyes drop at the mention of her name, the ghost of his smile officially gone. James didn’t want to explain why she hadn’t turned up, he was sort of embarrassed.

“Uh, she couldn’t make it. Y’know that concert I was supposed to take her to?” You nodded, “Yeah, I gave my ticket to one of her friends.”

“Oh okay,” You couldn’t do it. Couldn’t not talk to him about it. You hesitated only for a moment before opening your mouth, “Are you two okay?”

“What do you mean?” He didn’t look at you. Like he was expecting you to say something about it. He had ever since you had met his new girlfriend. He was surprised you’d lasted this long, honestly.

“Well, I don’t know.” You inhaled sharply, you hoped not to overstep with the upcoming conversation you had been wanting to have for a while, “I mean, she didn’t show up today. And I know this was a big day for you.”

“It’s okay. I feel bad, I promised I’d take her and it just ended up falling on the wrong day.” He was fiddling with his hands in his lap, his leg coming to a standstill, “It’s my fault, really.”

“James,” You scolded him. Could he not hear how stupid he sounded? “Don’t do that. How could you be expected to not show up to the grand final of all games?”

“I mean, I guess. Especially because it’s my last game with this university.” He tensed beside you like he’d let something slip accidentally.

“What do you mean? What about next year?” You frowned at him, “You’re not quitting are you?”

“No. No, definitely not.” He pulled away from you, letting the cold air run between the new gap through your arms. “I was going to tell you at the party tonight. But I’ve decided to transfer university's.”

You froze at his words. He was what? He was joking, surely. Another one of his stupid jokes. He took your silence to further his explanation.

“The boys graduate this year, and I want to move to the university to the city over, to be with Olivia.” He wasn’t even looking at you. Coward.

“Oh?” That was all you could manage to say.

His words were like a stab to the heart. You and him had always planned to finish university together. Ever since you were little, you had everything mapped out. And now just because of some relationship he’d had for just over a month, he was abandoning you? Well not really abandoning you, not everything he did had to involve you. But it made you feel like everything you had ever had with James had now officially been thrown out the window.

“Y/N?” He waved his hand across your face, “Are you okay with that?”

If I wasn’t? Would you stay just for me? If I asked you to leave her and stay with me, would you?

You could’ve smacked him up the fucking head. He was so stupid. Actually no, you were stupid for ever falling for such a stupid boy.

“Yeah!” You feigned excitement, swallowing the lump in your throat, “Yeah, you guys seem pretty serious.”

“You could say that.” He coughed, awkwardly at that. “It was her idea, but I think it’ll be good. New beginnings.”

Was it you? Had you done something to make him want to move away? You couldn’t help but think that it was your fault. Maybe because you had been distancing yourself from him for the past month, he had realised that he didn’t need you anymore. He could move on from whatever childhood friendship he had with you and begin his life.

Were you being dramatic?

“New beginnings.”

“Hey, maybe once you graduate you can move up there? I think the boys are. Not sure yet though.” Was that a pity invite? Fuck.

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see.” You gave him a small lopsided smile as he placed his hand atop yours on your thigh.

“We better get going. I gotta shower before the party and shit.”

Great, a party. Now, instead of going back to your dorm and overthinking everything he had just told you. You had to overthink and mope around surrounded by drunken rugby players, and their respected partners.

-

The party had eventually rolled around, after having a shower and dressing in your most university-approved dress, you were standing outside the pub, your friends Marlene and Lily hooked around your elbows.

They had convinced you to spend the night having the most fun possible, forgetting about your stupid best friend who seemed not to care about you. Because he for sure was going to.

“Y/N, babe.” Marlene squeezes your arm, “Forget him. What’s better? James fucking Potter? Or a shot of fireball?”

“A shot of vodka.”

“See, now you’re getting it!”

The three of you pushed through the front door to be met with a crowd of your school’s rugby players around the bar, James in the middle sculling a pint of what looked like beer. The dark stout running down his chin and falling onto his, conveniently dark top, masking the stains.

The rowdy boys cheered when he finished the beer within five seconds flat before he slammed the glass atop the bar countertop. You couldn’t help but stare as he wiped the beer from his face, breaking out into a boyish smile. Your eyes trailed down his chest, covered by a tight black top, down to his trousered legs. He looked good, you wouldn’t lie. Amazing even.

“Alrighty, let’s get some vodka into you.” Lily snapped you from your daze, pulling you towards the bar. Conveniently standing next to Sirius perched against the wood, ordering some drinks.

“Where’s, Rem?” You leant over to ask him, leaving the drink ordering to Marlene.

“Hello to you too, Y/N.” He smiled, handing the bartender some money, “He’s over by the fireplace, probably sculling his last beer.”

“Great, he’s drinking. If he’s getting drunk, so am I.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Your conversation was interrupted by Marlene handing you a pink drink, a smile plastered across her face. “I’ll see you later.” Then Sirius was off, headed towards Remus with two beers in hand.

“Here’s to meatheads winning rugby games!” Marlene cheered, clinking your glasses together before you were all downing them as quick as possible.

"Meatheads? Cmon Marls, you don't mean that." You heard James's voice behind you before he had his arm slung over your shoulders. A boyish grin on his face.

"Of course I do, Potter. You're the biggest meathead of them all." She sniggered behind her glass, eyeing him over the rim.

"Why would you say something like that?" He feigned shock, hand over his chest.

"Well maybe because little miss Y/N-"

"She doesn't mean it, she's just being stupid!" You cut Marlene short, glaring at her from the side of your eye before turning your attention to James, giving him a pinched smile.

"How's your night been?" You turn away from the girls, feeling their glares burning into the back of your head, cocking your head to James.

"Really good," He smiled some more, pulling you away from the crowd at the bar, over to the seats near the fireplace. Just a few metres away from Sirius and Remus. "Even better now that you're here."

Fuck. His hopeless flirting was nothing out of the ordinary, but it still hurt knowing there were no actual feelings behind them like you always hoped there were.

You wanted to maybe shamelessly flirt back with him, but then you remembered the news he told you just a few hours earlier at the park. You straightened out your back, folding your arms over your chest.

"Is Olivia here?" You didn't even acknowledge what he said.

"Uh, yeah. She's around here somewhere." Great.

You scanned your eyes across the room, fidgeting with your hands and bouncing your leg up and down. You wanted more than anything to get up and go find your friends and down a few more drinks. The thought of for once, not wanting to surround yourself with James, hurt a little bit. You had never felt that way about him, ever.

Though, you thought of an excuse to get up, "Hey, you want a beer?"

"Yeah, I'll go grab us a drink."

"No! It's okay, I will." You stood abruptly, "My shout for the man of the match." You cleared your throat before you spun on your heels and headed towards the bar.

"Uh, pint of Guinness and a vodka tonic, please." You smiled to the bartender, leaning against the bar and bending one of your legs behind you.

You waited for the bartender to pour your drinks, tapping your fingers against the wood and turning back to look at James. But, when you look back you're not only met with James sitting on the lounge, you see Olivia sitting in your seat, leaning over and kissing James on his cheek, leaving a deep red lipstick stain on his dark skin. James only giggled, wiping the wet mark off his face.

You feel yourself shrink in toward yourself, wanting nothing more than to just leave. But, you promised your friends a good night. You could forget about him and just have fun. It would be easy.

The bartender brings your attention back to the bar when they place your drinks down, you turn to thank them and give them your money. By the time you had gotten your change and picked up the glasses and turn back to head towards your seat, you found the lounge to be empty. You scanned the bar to find them both, only to see James leading Olivia out into the beer garden by her hand.

You swallow deeply, instead, making your way to your group of friends surrounding the enclosed fireplace in the middle of the room. You fall into the seat next to Lily, careful not to spill the drinks in your hands.

"Here." You lean over to Sirius, handing him the beer in your hand which was slowly going flat. "Got this for James, but he fucked off somewhere."

"Thanks, lovely." He willingly took the beer from your grasp, bringing the glass to his lips.

"You need to stop thinking about him, he's a fucking dick," Marlene speaks up, sipping from the half-empty drink in her hand. Her other hand over a thigh belonging to a girl you'd never met. God, was everyone this lucky with finding love? Marlene might not have even loved that girl, but fuck she was doing better than you.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but she's right," Sirius added, placing his drink on his coaster.

"Always am."

"Hmm, debatable."

"I know how we can get you to forget about Potter."

-

Before you knew it, it was starting to get late, you had thrown back too many vodka tonics and you were sitting in the lap of a random guy you had met a few hours earlier.

You weren't too drunk, but tipsy enough to let your friends convince you that the only way you could move past your relationship with James, was to hook up with another one of the rugby players.

Sober you, probably would've said no, but after the day you'd had, you decided that it wasn't a half-bad idea. You weren't tied to anything, especially not James Potter, so you went with it.

Now you were in the beer garden, sitting under a gas heater that was doing nothing at heating you up. Your ass pressed into some boy's front, your head turned to reach his mouth to make out with him.

You moved your mouth along his, his tongue moving into your mouth. You ran your hands along his chest, but his mouth enveloping yours was beginning to overwhelm you, so you pulled away to angle your head so his mouth was at your neck, as he sucked along your skin.

You opened your eyes momentarily to see James over the guy's shoulder, eyeing you down. He had a beer in his hand, his knuckles white from how hard he was gripping the frosted glass. If you didn't know any better you'd think he was angry.

You let in a sharp breath at the bite on your neck, pushing the stranger away from you and jumping from his lap. "I'm sorry, I feel a bit sick," You lied to him, turning to walk away. "I might head home."

"Hey wait," He grabbed your wrist lightly to spin you back around, "You want me to call you an Uber?"

"Uh, yeah sure, just let me go say goodbye to my friends." You walked away from him as he pulled out his phone, to what you assumed was to call you a lift home.

You let everyone know that you planned on going home, letting them know you'd see them later. You then let the rugby player walk you out the front to wait for the Uber he had called you.

But, to James, it looked like you and one of his teammates had decided to move it along and you were taking him back to your dorm to hook up. He didn't realise it until that moment, but the thought of you bringing home a guy that wasn't him made his stomach flip and his fists clench in anger.

What did his teammate want with you that wasn't anything more than a quick fuck? He wouldn't take you home and treat you with the love and respect you deserved, something James knew he could give to you.

Something he always had given to you up until a month ago. But now he had pushed you away, just to find love in a place where he didn't want it. He had selfishly gotten with Olivia, just to get over the best friend he knew didn't want him. He had been naive and stupid and he hated himself every day for it.

"Oi! Sirius!" He called out to his mate, leaving Olivia's side to jog over to him, "Where's she going with him?"

"She's going home." He gruffed, "Why do you care all of a sudden?"

"What?"

"Don't act like you suddenly want to know what she's doing just cause she's with some other guy." That's exactly what he was doing.

"I need to tell her something."

"Gonna go remind her that you're leaving her at the end of the year, huh? Rub it in some more?" Why was Sirius all of a sudden so angry with him?

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem?" He scoffed in James's face, putting his drink down, "My problem is how you've been treating Y/N lately. Going off and getting with some bird you obviously don't like, acting like you didn't know Y/N has been in love with you since primary school."

Sirius obviously had been wanting to say this to James for a very long time, the words spewing from his mouth like they had been rehearsed.

"Sirius!" Remus stood to pull on his boyfriend's shoulder, rubbing it to hopefully calm him down.

"No! The dickhead needs to hear this before I knock some sense into his thick head." He pushed James at his chest, causing him to stumble backwards slightly.

"Don't push me, Sirius." James was now the one beginning to get angry.

"No, you've been a shit best friend these last few weeks and I'm fucking sick of it. Y/N doesn't deserve any of it. She's just too fucking nice to say anything."

"Say what?" James felt his heart beating in his chest, wringing his hands at his sides.

"She fucking loves you, mate."

-

God, why were you so stupid? Why did you think you could get over James by making out with some other guy? If anything, it only solidified your feelings for him even more. Made you realise that no one could ever fill the void in your heart which was the hole James had created.

You had eventually made it back to your dorm room, throwing your phone to your bed, now pacing back and forth across the carpeted floor of the room. Tears streamed down your face, black trails of mascara smudging along your cheeks. Your breathing quickened as you fisted at your eyes to calm yourself down.

The dull ache in your ears was disrupted as a knock at your door disturbed your meaningless pacing. Before you even had time to head towards the door, there was more pounding.

"Fuck, I'm- I'm coming!" You called out, wiping the tears from your face, albeit with no actual cause to make it look like you hadn't been crying.

You swung the door open to be met with a panting James leaning up against your door frame, "James?" You quickly whipped your head to the side, careful to not let him see your distressed face. This only allowed James to push his way past you, into your dorm.

He stood in the middle of the room, his hands on his hips. "I need to talk to you," He was a panting and huffing mess, his chest heaving with purpose.

"Did-" You blink the old tears away, scanning over his dishevelled appearance. His shoelaces were half undone, there were sweat patches in the armpits of his dark top, and the mop of dark curls which earlier tonight had been slicked back into place, were now a mess atop his head. "Did you run here?"

"Yes." He panted, admitting it like it was nothing.

"Jesus, Potter. We were on the other side of town," You walked around him, avoiding asking why he was actually here, "Do you need some water?"

"What? No-"

"Sit down,"

"No, fuck- Y/N! Shut up..." He was clearly flustered, you tried not to take his words to heart, but you were already upset with him. "Sorry." He apologised, the crease above your eyebrows and your fidgety hands making him regret raising his voice.

"Sure."

"Sorry." He repeated, his breathing finally calming down. "I need to tell you something,"

"Okay." You fought the subconscious urge to reach out and smooth out his hair.

"I'm sorry for how I've been treating you lately." He began, doing his own pacing now. He looked really nervous, "I've been so stupid. I'm a fucking idiot.''

"You could say that again," you only scoffed, the crooked smile on your face disappearing quickly at the look of his frustrated face, "Sorry." Now you were apologising.

To be quite honest, he looked like he was going to throw up. His pacing had stopped, but his sudden silence had you on edge, "James, you're making me nervous,"

"Sorry!"

"Fuck, stop apologising and just tell me why you're here!" Honestly, all you wanted to hear from him til' the end of days were apologies, but right now you needed him the get on with it.

"There's no way to say this without skipping over any details," He was trailing off again, lost in his own thoughts.

"Potter..."

"I love you..."

You swallowed thickly, "Yeah, I love you too, James..."

"No!" He cut you off again abruptly, "No, like," More. Fidgeting. "I'm in love with you."

He was kidding, right? Surely this was just another one of his pranks. He was with Olivia and you knew, no you were certain, he only had feelings for her. Did Sirius say something to him? Was he only saying this be annoying? Dangling the one thing you've always wanted to have, right in front of your face, just out of reach. Saying the words you've always wanted to hear.

You shook your head quickly, backing away from him. Though he only took a step towards you, "No you're not."

"What?"

"You're being cruel, James." Now there were fresh tears pricking the corners of your eyes. "You don't mean that. You're with Olivia"

"What are you- Yes I do! Of course, I do." He outstretched a hand towards you, though you only ignored it. "Listen, I was talking to Sirius, I know how you-"

"Oh, so you spoke to Sirius? Whatever he said, he was lying."

"No, he wasn't, I'm not stupid Y/N." You had now sat down on your bed, him wasting no time in sitting down next to you, "He told me everything. Well, not really everything, but I just want you to know, that I feel the exact same way."

"But, Olivia?"

"It's so shitty, but I only used her to get past you." He admits, picking at his nails, "I thought you would never see me as anything more than a friend, so I thought I could move on."

You just stared at him, listening to every word he had to say. You had always dreamt of these words leaving his mouth, and now that they finally were, you felt dizzy.

"I'm so sorry I never told you any of this sooner. I've been such a dick to you these past few weeks." He was now reaching out to trace the mascara tracks down your cheeks, his touch sending a chill down your spine. You now finally allowed yourself to lean into him. “It’s crazy because the one thing I’ve wanted- no, I’ve needed. Has been right in front of me this whole time, and I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to figure it out.”

"It's okay,"

"No, it's not." His hand retreated, "It's really not."

"It will be."

"It will?"

"I think so. It always has been."

"Yeah," He hummed, nodding his head, his eyes fixed in his lap. "It's always been you." He mumbled into the open air.

You sat in silence momentarily before his hand had settled atop yours on the sheets between your bodies, "I really am sorry."

"Enough with the apologies."

You both sat on your bed for the rest of the night, your head in his lap as he massaged your head and you spoke about everything that had happened in the past month. More apologies fell from his mouth, which you only scolded. There were more tears, more confessions and truths as you both realised how clueless the both of you had been ever since you met.

"Have we both always been this hopelessly and obliviously in love with each other?" He asked.

"I think so, Mr Potter." You only smiled up at him, "I think so."

#harry potter #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #marlene mckinnon #lily evans #james potter #james potter fan fic #james potter x reader #james potter x fem!reader #james potter imagine

[circuscountdowns]

Hi! Wanted to start off by saying that I LOVE your cotl art its such a huge inspiration to me :D! I recently picked up drawing again and I've unfortunately been upset? envious?! of others' skills and just wanted to ask if you ever experienced this as a fellow artist and if so how do you not do that lol. Sorry for the weird question. I just thought some insight and advice from a fellow artist could helo. BUT I hope you still have a nice day and look forward to any more cotl art or anything you draw really :D!!! (also is okay if you don't answer it is a loaded question I just be in a silly goofy mood lately okay bye!)

oh wow being on the receiving end of a question like this is surreal, I’m honored my work inspires you! Thank u, you’re sweet, it’s not a loaded question at all! Here’s my long reply sorry

so unfortunately that comparing yourself to others thing doesn’t go away ever asdfgjkl. I suffer it every day, it sucks, feels bad. I’ve had industry people tell me they feel this way and they’ll have some of the most gorgeous visdev/boards/animation I’ve ever seen. Disheartening to hear, But! I’m a big believer that comparing your artworks with others is best used as a tool and not a punishment to yourself!

When looking at art you like, try to turn thoughts of, “Man I wish my stuff looked like that, my shit sucks,” to, “What is it that I like about this piece? The line art? The perspective?” Sometimes I’ll see work with thin line art and I’ll get an itch, and I’ll draw something with thin line art. It’s a conscious effort of keepin emotion out of that itch, keeping it as, “I saw art with thin lines, I want to do that. Yay I did that!” Compartmentalize it, the itch was simply to do thin line work, not to remake the piece you were inspired by. And you got a piece of art out of it, and a single piece is progress no matter how small!

If you want to compare, do it methodically! Why does my work look different (never use the words better or worse)! Oh, I see my piece doesn’t follow the rule of thirds, so the framing is different, I’ll be aware of that next time if it bothers me. Or, Oh I see they shade by hatching along with the form, I’ve just been going horizontally, I’ll try that other way!

it’s a learning curve of training yourself, like all corrective behavior.

like, I kinda have the warning feeling of dread when I’m about to compare my work with something, so before the self-deprecating thought can even start I have to think What do I Like about this?

I’m no expert at it, though. Actually getting myself to think this way is a struggle, but I find when I make Thoughtful Observations I level up. Not by a lot most times, but yknow.

and this part is just my personal experience:

Fanart and the internet can be the biggest Art skill killer sometimes. Get offline and cater to the audience that Really matters to your passion: You! I improved the most by spending 2-3 years doing doodles/comics/models for my dnd campaign ocs because I was that obsessed and I simply wanted to have it for me!

and after all that, then there’s the hardest skill of just accepting your work as is.

like, to me, my work is just scribbles. I see other artists’ stuff and go “Man they’re so good at comics and colors, man, why can’t I color?” But do I need to??? I don’t like coloring, do I need to be good at it? This isn’t a career, this is supposed to be fun! I scribble because I like it! I’m glad this persons good at coloring, I don’t need to be! Yay!

if I Want to be good at it, I’ll take the steps to get there! But if not, my scribbles are just fine :) I love black and white and values

I’ve been having that one on repeat for a while. It helps

(acceptance and denial go hand in hand btw lol they sound the same)

I wish there was a little off button for envy, but ah well! I hope that you take comfort in knowing we are all feeling it, and find joy in even the smallest little doodle you make! Have fun stay goofy!

#I wrote this in part so it might be a rambly mess. #I have a difficult relationship with art after 5 years of college for it. Cotl has been helping me find ways to love art again. #ty for liking my work!

[funkyspacealien]

Rabbit of the Night He'll suck the orange out of your carrots (Sketches n' processes under the break! It's a REAAAAAL long one)

I've been meaning to draw a piece that actually includes a background instead of a character standing in the void. The issue that arises is that... I just didn't have any good ideas for backgrounds, lol. Partially the issue is that I tend to design the character first, which makes it challenging to draw stuff around them. Since around the time that I made this piece was October and the big holiday was Halloween, I figured I could do something within the theme. I've been meaning to draw my character, Nosferatu, again since they have always been one of my lowkey favorites of mine.

An older piece of the character, which you can see with the others here The character was quite macabre, which made it perfect for doing something slightly spooky. The cape also gave me a great idea for making something more visually striking, as well.

My first attempt. As you can see, I tried to do a thumbnail this time so I can have a better understanding of the amount of space I have to work with. I highly recommend that you do something similar if you struggle with doing backgrounds. Though, I think I ought to make it a bit more square, lol. I had to tweak some things to fit within the standard square shape since I drew everything at a wonky angle. I was inspired by Soul Eater and Majora's Mask when it comes to the background design, especially with the moon having a prominent appearance. I knew that was a consistent thing I wanted to keep throughout the iterations. The flowing cape was heavily inspired by Spawn and the artwork of Lelouch from Code Geass

I always found it to be such a striking iconography for the characters. Despite being an inanimate piece of clothing, it adds a lot to the design. Spawn was always an intimidating dude, but having that cape overwhelms the viewer and takes up so much screen space every time he wears it helps give him more of an otherworldliness. You may not truly understand who or what is he, but you may get the vibe that he's someone with great power and importance. It's befitting of someone who is viewed as the best spawn of the devil. I find it also interesting for a character like Lelouch. Now, I never watched the show he came from, only understood the basic premise from various sources throughout my life. Pardon if my read on the character is incorrect, but to me, he's quite the scrawny guy and perhaps lacks power of his own. Despite this, he runs a rebellion and goes under the alias of "Zero". He dresses up as Zero, including the cape. With it on, his form became much more imposing yet concealed. It gives him a sense of royalty, which you might attribute to the likes of Kings or Queens. Someone with power. Sorry for that brief character analysis tangent, lol. It's just something that I thought about when creating the character of Nosferatu. I find it interesting that something so simple as a cape can help give a feeling of power. It's something that I feel everyone subconsciously think of and not realize. Back on topic, the rest of the composition I wasn't super satisfied with. I sorta lean into the "Dracula" look the character had by having the castle in the background, but I think it came off as very flat. I also thought it made things visually unclear. A bunch of things off in their own corner instead of organic guiding the viewer's eyes. I scrapped the first idea and tried to go in another direction.

I had the idea of being underneath an overpass and having buildings being lit by the moon. I don't think it was too bad of an idea, but I had trouble refining it and making it more "full", if that makes sense? This had a weird sense of emptiness and dragged the composition down for me. Perhaps if I drew the character differently and played more with the perspective, it would've been better. I went back to my original idea and checked if I could improve some things on a base level.

Originally, I had the cape go off-screen but checking my original inspiration, like various art pieces of Spawn, I noticed that the cape "ends" tend to curve back into the frame. I decided to do something similar which I think helped give the piece a sense of "flow" to it. I found that it also gives a composition more layers of depth and fills in any "empty" spaces that I had worried about before. I tilted Nosf's head a bit so they weren't just standing there stiffly as well. Sometimes it's the little things that help improve the piece than having to redo it all over again.

Finally, I just decided to make the background more on the simple side. I think I had the issue of really wanting to prove myself that I could do backgrounds that I made it way more complicated than it needed to be. It gave me the chance to make the moon much bigger, which I always meant to be a striking aspect of the piece. When drawing, I decided to forgo the "ground" that the cliffs are on since I felt it cluttered up the piece with too many colors. Now, I just got to finish it!

I should be done, right? Well, not exactly. While I think it looks nice (I'm personally proud of my use of noise filters), it just still lacks the depth that I'm looking for. Something about it is too bright and clear. I went back and experimented some more until I found a solution that made me feel stupid not realizing it before, lol. So initially, I tried to use this photo editing program called "Picsart". I used to use it a lot when I was doing digital art since I like the added filters. I eventually stopped because it would ruin the image quality. I thought they fixed that issue, but it's still the same.

It's a bit subtle in this picture, but I like to use the "vintage" filter since I like the added shadows on the sides of the images. The problem is that the quality got ruined and I'm very stubborn about keeping it in the nicest resolution possible. I decided to see if I could replicate it in my own art program. What I discovered is that I can and the solution was very simple, lol. First I drew a square with a solid color on a new layer-

Then I used the "Gaussian Blur" Filter-

I turned down the opacity, set the blending to "burn" and overlaid it on the artwork, which gave the depth I was looking for!

I gave the head some slight shading too since the filter unintentionally gave it to their ears. Good call since I think that helped with the Halloween atmosphere I was intending.

#oc #artwork #character design #my art #original work #luchador #halloween #rabbit #furry #nosferatu #I meant to post this 3 hours ago but the write up became super long lol #also i should've posted this on halloween WHOOPS