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ganonfan1995 · 1 year

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Burnt out

#initially this was meant to be something else entirely #but i wasn't really liking how it was going so I scrapped the idea and opted out for something a bit more personal #ive been really suffering from burn out for the last few years and just barely keeping my head above water #there are times where i seriously feel like ive failed in every aspect of my career #like if i were good enough i wouldn't have burnt out #i love my job and i love my trade i love every skill ive gain up until this point #but its been hard not to take it personally when all the effort you've put into honing those skills #are abused or exploited #life is difficult enough already and and time is fleeting #taking time for yourself is above all the most important thing you can do to help your work flourish #taking a break isn't failure #its health #we aren't machines despite our industries treating us as such #just waiting and hoping that itll pay off #ive certainly learned my lesson #and im looking forward to brighter horizons #and healthier more respectful ones #ill be okay ive learned how to love my art in my personal time again #but i certainly need to let my mind rest and my body to recover #these tags are lengthy anyways #unionize and dont work for nothing from large companies #be gay do drugs love your friends make art for yourself too #my art #scuttles out of here #i hope these long ass images actually show up in full resolution #i did draw them fucking TOLL as hell

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mamawasatesttube · 4 months

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do you ever think about how kon got drugged to the point of inability to think clearly and then enslaved for Two Fucking Months and then we just never mentioned that again? that is, except for when he went back to visit and help out the guys who enslaved and drugged him because he was lonely enough to befriend them after they said oh sowwy we didn't know you were a person uwu. i think about this a normal amount

#rimi talks #sorry yeah im thinking about That Fucking Arc again alsdhfkjds #if i had a nickel for every time kon got enslaved to be used as a trophy fighter for someone's entertainment while he was 16 years old...#...i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's kind of strange that it happened twice !#but at least the time with kossak didn't involve keeping him DRUGGED TO COMPLACENCY the entire time holy fuck #and was also MUCH shorter than TWO GODDAMN MONTHS #genuinely i think. like that arc is ridiculous in a lot of ways but if i take anything from it #it's that a) kon is so fucking lonely he will befriend people who have treated him Atrociously if they just go oh im sowwy #and also b) i just don't think he'll ever handle any mind-altering substances well after that. even if he represses it and thinks he's fine #its such a bonkers fucking insane arc but if you actually think about it its so incredibly fucked up????#and so much of it (like. so much else in sb94) is treated as humorous #but is in fact horrifying in implication. kon girlies we stay winning (kon gets fucked up but its fine bc its funny right)!!!!

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denkies · 1 year

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I remember being so distraught when we thought Hirotsu and Gin died, and then when it's revealed that Tachihara was the perpetrator, i was literally like "nvm theyre fine. That's his family, he wouldn't kill them no matter what" and i was right.

#i was on the fence about him going back to the mafia‚ but i KNEW that he would never kill Hirotsu and Gin #Tachihara's entire character is based on family ties and loyalty. he loved his brother so much‚ he joined the mafia to get revenge for him #even if he hated being compared to him. and this was YEARS prior to the series #the Black Lizard squad IS his family. even if he didn't plan it when he first infiltrated the mafia #and their family bond is even brought up in an omake‚ when the squad has to take care of a baby during the Moby Dick attack #so when it's revealed that Tachihara was behind Hirotsu/Gin's wounds‚ i was immediately like ''oh they're fine''#bc they're his family. he even keeps the hunting dogs at arms length‚ and doesn't treat them like he treats the black lizard squad #which is something that I noticed pretty quickly when reading the manga #he gets mildly annoyed at Teruko but doesn't like. actually DO anything about it #meanwhile he and gin get annoyed at each other and immediately point weapons at each other and act like delinquents #he and gin bicker and fight more like siblings than gin and her ACTUAL brother #anyway sorry for the rambling in the tags. i love tachihara‚ i love that he's the first to break the rules of the Book‚ i love his loyalty #i love his silly bandaid and his unnecessarily complicated revenge plot that his brother would definitely sold him for #bsd #bsd tachihara #tachihara michizou #bsd 4 #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs

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rationalisms · 3 months

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hi. i would just like to say that this is an attitude i've seen around increasingly often and i find it deeply baffling. like, genuinely could not relate any less to what is being expressed here.

personally, almost all media i'm obsessed with and talk about constantly is because i think it's good and i love talking about the ways in which it's good. yes, criticism can be fun and breed conversation, but so can positive critique. thoughtful, long-lasting engagement with a piece of media doesn't have to be negative. there are in fact ways for media to be good beyond "competent but generally unremarkable"?

and this is ymmv, but complaining about something is more the snack food of media criticism for me. it's fun and great in the moment and it absolutely is something i need to do regularly to feel normal. but i can't live off it. i need to experience genuine appreciation and esteem on a regular basis too, or i shrivel like a raisin. (expressed more seriously: the kind of critique i find actually nourishing in the sense that it allows me to refine what kind of art i would like to make, and what makes me tick as a human being, is the positive kind about media i love very much for being excellent.)

idk guys. is it just that i'm autistic and therefore discussing for the nth time why xyz rules never stops being entertaining? what am i missing here. maybe it's good when media is good?

#my best friend and i did a thing last year where over the course of several months we got wizard high every couple weekends #and attempted to replay a game together that we were both obsessed with when we were younger #and we were both already aware that it was an incredible piece of art #and we had countless conversations about that #so at the start we mainly treated it as a joke like 'haha lets see if we unlock any new diagnoses' etc #but the most wonderful part of that project was realizing progressively that there was in fact So Much to love we hadn't even realized yet #that this thing we adored as teens/young adults does in fact not only hold up but is even better than we were aware of at the time #and how much of a difference our additional life experience made and how many things we only realized on this playthrough together #and it's the most fun i've ever had analyzing a piece of media and taking it apart from top to bottom in my life #and almost all of that was entirely positive. like. we had negative stuff to say too ofc lol. but not nearly as much.#anyway #highly recommend doing this with your formative media of choice that a friend and you were both independently obsessed with #txt

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the-matron-of-ravens · 8 months

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I just gotta make peace with the fact that I see the relationship between FCG and Dancer VERY differently than the majority of the CR fandom.

But ho boy every time I see a post about how FCG is abusive and Dancer is standing up for herself I just die a little inside

#critical role #cr spoilers #four sided dive #four sided dive spoilers #Fresh Cut Grass #FCG #Dancer #you’re telling me that there’s nothing wrong with treating an obviously sentient automaton as a non-sentient Helper Bot for years #we know from FCG’s mechanics that his stress goes up the more and more he’s used without rest or recovery.#so what does that tell us about how Dancer treated him?#that she used and used and used until he broke #and sure it makes sense she’s traumatized and I don’t even think she’s wrong to not want to be around him #but I just can’t ignore the fact that she essentially placed this freshly born bot in servitude with no plans to let him go #or tell him he’s a person #and if we’re saying FCG is manipulative for needing to fix dancer and not knowing how to take no as an answer - well…#who taught him that his entire purpose was to serve fix and help dancer???#that doesn’t just go away #and don’t tell me she didn’t know he was sentient #we’ve seen every NPC with two brain cells to rub together recognize he’s sentient

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cantsayidont · 5 months

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March 1985. Whatever else one may say about the Crisis on Infinite Earths, it was a triumph for truth in advertising: Worlds lived, worlds died, and the DC Universe was never the same. A cynic might add, "And nothing ever made sense again," since the event kicked off almost 40 years of retcons, revisions, and successive reboots, which DC used to internally describe as "white events," after the cataclysmic moment in CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #10 where the original multiverse was shattered and recreated:

Even before the Crisis event was ever conceived, DC had a long history of fairly dramatic editorial and creative shifts, some of which hung on specific story events (like the de-powering of Wonder Woman in 1968) and some of which did not (like the inauguration of Batman's "New Look" in 1964). With the benefit of hindsight, it's possible to make some general observations about editorial revisionism and efforts to tear down and rebuild internal continuity:

It's ultimately easier (and more effective) to ignore than to change. When Julius Schwartz became Batman editor in 1964, he dispensed with many characters and concepts that had been staples under his predecessor, Jack Schiff, such as Batwoman and Bat-Mite. With one exception, there was no story explanation of where they'd gone — they just stopped showing up and were soon forgotten. The exception was Alfred the butler, who was killed off dramatically in DETECTIVE COMICS #328. When the producers of the 1966 Batman TV show decided to incorporate Alfred into that series, Schwartz was obliged to resurrect him, in a singularly preposterous way, after which he was regarded as indispensable. By contrast, while most of the characters who'd simply been ignored also returned, it was much later and generally in quite minor ways; their long absence reduced them to marginalia that could be incorporated or not, as seemed most useful.

Crossovers are the most serious and persistent enemy of change. The nature of company-owned comics is that the characters will inevitably show up in crossovers, team-ups, and events of various kinds, often written, drawn, and edited by people who aren't familiar with the finer points of the characters' history, inevitably resulting in troublesome contradictions, up to and including characters who were previously supposed to be dead inexplicably popping up alive. The more convoluted a change to a character or their history, the more likely that it will misrepresented, accidentally undone, or just ignored the next time the character shows up in a series other than their own.

A true line-wide reboot is commercially infeasible. A publisher like DC or Marvel has many different titles at once, and at any given time, some of them are selling better than others. If a title isn't selling well, there may be nothing to lose by rebooting it or making drastic changes to its characters and direction, but doing that to a series that's currently a hot seller is foolhardy. So, the bestsellers will generally stroll through a "white event" with only minor cosmetic adjustments, while weaker titles may undergo a whole series of radical reinventions. If the former bestseller goes into a slump and one of those radical reinventions transforms an underdog into a hit, the situation will be reversed. Surely this won't backfire later …

Timing is everything. A lot of the confusion that resulted at DC in the wake of the Crisis stemmed from the fact that different revisions happened at different times. For instance, the headaches surrounding Hawkman began in large part because of the editorial decision in 1990 not to treat the Tim Truman HAWKWORLD series as a kind of "Hawkman: Year One" (which is how it was conceived), but rather as a reboot, even though that threatened to retroactively remove the Hawks from books like JUSTICE LEAGUE, which had become very popular following its most recent revamp. This kind of thing creates situations where creative teams have to come up with desperate contrivances to explain retroactive changes to very recent stories. Having Hawkman and Hawkwoman stop showing for Justice League adventures for a while wouldn't have been a big deal, but trying to assert that the Hawkman and Hawkwoman who'd previously appeared were either never really there or were actually somebody else was another matter, and the problems this created were never fully resolved.

Continuity-tidying for its own sake is almost always a creative dead end. This is a lesson that Nelson Bridwell and Roy Thomas demonstrated over and over throughout the Bronze Age: It's one thing to have some flashbacks, if it serves the story, or maybe to retell a character's origin with a few nips and tucks, but if your main purpose is to explain, e.g., why Namor once wore the wrong shorts, the results are likely to be either silly or tedious. This hasn't stopped DC and Marvel from wasting a lot of ink and paper on specials and miniseries that exist to retell earlier stories in an updated, continuity-compliant manner, usually to no good end. The fundamental problem with such things is that their main object is to regurgitate familiar older stories (if they weren't familiar, there would be no point in retelling them) while urging readers who have read the original version (who are the most likely audience) to ignore their lying eyes. This is, with very, very few exceptions, a dismal exercise that routinely defeats even usually reliable creators like John Ostrander (see for example the tiresome 2001–2002 JLA: INCARNATIONS), and frequently results in yet more contradictions to explain or ignore.

The bottom line is that while you can blow things up all you want, the likelihood that they can be reassembled in a clearer, more cohesive way is really quite low, and diminishes the more frequently you try.

I want to be clear here that this isn't a criticism of the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS series (which has many virtues, along with some significant flaws), or even any of the individual revisions and retcons that have followed, some of which are, in their own right, perfectly fine. The dilemma is that the project that an event like this represents is ultimately a doomed one. It might spark some commercial interest, at least briefly (which is of course at least half the point), but simplification and unity are just not in the cards and probably never will be.

#comics #crisis on infinite earths #marv wolfman #george pérez #jerry ordway #retcons #retroactive continuity #hawkworld (both the truman mini and the ostrander ongoing)#is actually quite good and its troublesome continuity impact #would have been almost entirely avoidable #just as the continuity headaches with wonder woman and donna troy #could have been avoided by treating the first year of the relaunched wonder woman series #as taking place “a few years ago”

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clerichs-xi · 4 months

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tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go

klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family

get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b

details and just the lines hehe

#clerichs.png #my artwork #original character #original art #original illustration #digital art #digital painting #digital illustration #dnd character #oc #oc illustration #im so unnormal about him.#he got hurt soo badly in isolation... thats where all the scars in his ref came from </3 #this portrait is of the one scar his goddess did not give him.... </3 #tfw ur jealous sea goddess lover pits you against other pirates and sea monsters to fight for ur life and test ur devotion #and she promised to love you wholly only for u to realize she doesn't understand or know what love is #and only wanted it bc everyone else who had love seemed so happy and she wanted that too #so after she destroyed everything you loved (literally your entire world) she merely treats u as a possession for 20 years #and you don't know how to ask for love because you don't know how to love either so you resent her and everything and everyone #leading rage to build up within you and you willfully slaughtering so many things because you cant handle your emotions and pain #and after deflating and sinking into apathy a rogue priest manages to break ur exterior and touch you deeply enough to let you love again #and because of him you're able to begin breaking free of everything and you lose everything again but this time #this time you wake up in a crate of fish to outstretched hands and people who love you as family even after learning who you are/were #filling you with strength and willpower even as your goddess lover comes back swearing she loved you and loves you still #and she tortures you and threatens to take everything away again if you don't come back to her but because of your love for everyone #and their love for you youre able to hold fast long enough for them to break you out #his goddess made a copy of him by warping the body and soul of a naive young man in an attempt to replace him and fill the hole in her hear #he had to literally kill the darkest version of himself that hurt everyone and he laid him to rest... catharsis if ive ever seen it #as i said. im so normal about him <3 the guy i project onto the most ever #klaus lierstark

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bitegore · 3 months

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god i really forgot that every business management professor specifically is the most unpleasant human being alive for no good reason. i have two business classes with like econ and accounting professors respectively and those look fine and then oh my god if i have to go back to this class with this professor i think i might actually kill myself

#red rambles #she's not. *mean*. she is. um. fucking. i think condescendiing is the word #she made us do a kahoot in class on questions we didn't know explicitly because she knew we didn't know them. i hate kahoots #she went through the syllabus like we were children which. fine whatever every professor does that it's why i hate the first class #but she also kept going off topic to give us life advice. never give me life advice ill fucking kill you #im really not sure what else was my fucking problem but i genuinely felt like i was being psychologically tortured #also i have done one of the several assignments for the class already and they're babyshit but its going to be one of my most #busywork heavy classes and she wants us doing discussion questions every fucking week #and i have to download yet another fucking app for her class #and i need it for my degree plan but oh my GOD. i need to get the fuck out of it #im gonna try and find a different session of the class taught by a different professor and switch in #do you know how much i have to hate a class if im willing to eat two entire finished homework assignments to get out of it #eta. i take it with this professor or i take it with a different professor i know and already know i cant stand #who is also going to work us like dogs unlike this prof who is going to apparently treat us like we are 14 years old #i guess its not college if i'm not being forced to experience psychological torment for an hour and a half every couple days lol #ill just have to like eat something before that class and do my best to fortify myself before i go in and turn evil

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eeunwoo · 6 months

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#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol #but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int #account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this #weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away #bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a #really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her #shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you #basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine #its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares #to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in #years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org

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rosicheeks · 20 days

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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

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piplupod · 2 months

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thinking abt the previous post, the agency i worked at for a couple years would use bits of ABA and I just... I always nodded along to the boss instructing me on how to work with the kids with those tactics (I worked with the kids who were 6 and under) and then as soon as she left I tossed all that shit out of my brain and just treated the kid like a human being and worked with them where they were at.

and guess what !!! i had the most and fastest success out of every other worker in the entire building!! i was often told it seemed like i was working miracles with my kids bc they'd just progress so fast (comparatively) through the skill book we had to work on, and that the kids always seemed so happy and eager to come to the building after they started working with me!!

this is partially why I quit because I couldn't stand seeing my coworkers treat the kids like they were dogs (talking down to them, being patronizing, and utilizing shitty ABA tactics) and as much good as I was doing there, it was fucking me up bc they were extremely demanding that I work more than I was comfortable (or able) to, and often put me with "problem" kids who I didn't get to regularly see so we couldn't make much progress bc the kids weren't able to get to know me and (rightfully!) didn't trust me because they thought I'd be treating them the way everyone else did.

i just...... my coworkers would ask me how I had so much success and I would just shrug and say like, "just treat them like they're human and work with them where they're at" and I couldn't explain any more bc that'd require me admitting I wasn't following the boss' guidance for a lot of shit fjfkdl