#and tbh I knew I was gonna be perma host for a while

[system-of-a-feather]

Me: *host for five years*

Old Host: *out of dormancy* Yeah I don't want to be host again peace.

Me: ...

My Brain: Okay now look. *unfurls list of things that you are now connected to and should work on since this is now affectively "your life" for good*

Me: god damn that's long. I didnt even notice it until now

#And by 'your life' I don't mean its mine alone #as much as our system leaves a lot of major decisions to the parts that front the most #and the system defers to me for major life directions and choice because thats how it works here a lot #since most of us don't actually have major life goals other than me anyways #and tbh I knew I was gonna be perma host for a while #like it was pretty much assumed #but apparently I hadn't started putting two and two together until they came out of dormacy and told me they didnt want it back #and now my brains like #WELP now responsibility for self expression and body care is fully on you for now until forever #and I'm just like #shit fuck #I have to figure ALL this stuff out since now I have the right to this? #now I have these options now that I'm not just taking care of soemone else's life #grreeeeeaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt #I love figuring out self expression #gender identity #and all the medical stuff I was able to ignore before I became damn perma host #great #I love it #ugh its a lot of work XD