#and telling my friend shit i didnt even tell them

[toxooz]

omg i literally love wheelbitten as a comic and ur art is amazing

random question but how long have u been drawing as an artist and do u have advice.............

thank uuuu and I've been drawin my ass off since I could hold a pencil and I'm 24 (25 next month) now so this shit wasn't overnight by any means lmfao idk the way i did it was have A Thing that you like drawing and just draw the fuck outa it and eventually you'll get better for sure whether it be the desire to get better at drawing said thing makes you do research and study something to become better at it or just literal muscle memory from drawing said thing so much. I had lil spouts of taking time to get better at specific things like anatomy, shading, ect. by studying it but overall i just subconsciously got better by mentally picking up new things everytime i draw and analyzing the world around me. Even recently i got to see that with drawing tactical gear (that ive never really drawn before and never wanted to draw in my life) soley bc i just REALLY fukkin love Ghost and Konig

i went from being terrified and intimidated of drawing tactical gear (even trying to put a gun in front of it as if that was any better lmfao) it used to be vague as hell and my brain would shut down just trying to look at the references(i remember having a ''shit man am i even gunna be able to draw these characters???'' moment of dread the first time i was drawing Konig pffft) to absolutely loving drawing tactical gear and seeing how much more detailed i can make it with every new drawing, so a complete 180 but that's bc im just totally obsessed with the characters and drawing is how i express that sO thats mainly what i mean by just have a thing that you love and want to draw and the rest should follow with time, patience, and practice. I think it's about training your brain and motivation to pick up on details or a certain way something looks in lighting (or lack thereof) bc my brain is probably wired a certain way after art being like a centerpiece of my development to the point to where drawing is just What I Do and at this point if i dont draw for even a few days i start getting vaguely antsy and fidgety it's crazy lmfao SO idk if this is worded like i need it to but yeah art and the act of drawing can be frustrating as hell but it should be enjoyable and rewarding above all else at the end of the day!

#i drew bc the piece of shit im unfortunately biologically related to drew a lot when we were kids so id just copy her #then i drew winged wolves and dragons and the occasional horse for like 7 years then The Axel obsession started #where i drew axel from kindom hearts literally all the time and had 870000 aus for him where i would draw for all of them #when i tell you the obsession for him was catastrophic u best believe but it kept me drawing like a motherfucker until i made my monster oc #which was around the age of 15 is when i started consistently drawing humanoids #OH YEAH i had a whole lion king phase too in 2011 where i would strictly draw lions all the time and my first record of drawing online was #on the lion king fanart archive (which i still visit to look back its like visiting an old janky friend:') ) #but yeah then my heart was stolen by my ocs and all the potential designs i could make them #and thats where i am now aside from the festering COD masked men obsession boiling over in the corner AHA #so basically latch onto an obsession and pick up that damn pencil #even as a kid if i liked anything the immediate connection was trying to draw it #didnt matter how weird to draw or undrawable it was my ass would be in that notebook bc its the only way i know how to express myself lmfao #this is long as fuck but NOW im out peace skskksk

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[neechees]

I love my niece and nephew but my sister literally keeps dumping them with me & expecting me to babysit without paying me despite the fact she has a job, & I'm tired of being treated as free labor for her

#when i asker her if there was anybody else to babysit she said her friend but was like 'but then if i took them there #then I'd have to pay them' (meaning she offhandedly admitted she doesn't believe she should pay me for babysitting all day) #i agreed to ONE day of babysitting & now ive been babysitting since monday from 9 am to 5 pm #& she didnt even tell me about the other days i literally woke up to my nephew crying & my sister gone so she just left him here #without saying anything #tbd #and she STILL never paid me for watching her son all summer 2 years ago despite telling everyone she was going to #she had a job & good money then too she just. decided not to pay me #i also hate 1. waking up early 2. waking up early in the summer 3. babysitting without getting paid 4. doing shit last minute #so this is p much my nightmare to keep waking up early in the summer to babysit all day without being told about plans & without pay

[maiaacchiato]

thinking thoughts

#mia's ramblings #thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond #like i literally just. stood up. started walking away #i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick #for some reason idrk #also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just #didnt go to school #obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean #its a half truth? atleast ??? #and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk #the moment she starts up conversation i just #put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit #i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe #but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no #-mentally drained yk? #like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people #-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just #let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function #i think its called being overstimulated? yea #which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting #-a fever too #which like??? idk why it happens??? #and its not like i dont want to talk to them either #like #obviously i do #but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation #which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well #i want to?? #and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea #this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing

[lottalove01]

rant <3

#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc #she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities #+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family #so this shouldnt surprise her this much #why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too #she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh #and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith #but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion #w an agnostic no less #ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu??? #and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable #especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to #expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends #anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable #shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying #cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird #also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me #why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life #maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man

[hecksupremechips]

Idk man I just need to hold hands with Kai Satou and I’ll be good

#yttd #he needs kisses yeah #ive just been watching his fondness events from your time to shine and theyre kinda making me feel things like damn i didnt expect #them to be as good as they are i guess it really shows how good these characters are man 😩 #the nao ones really got to me cuz she calls him silly and kind and hes like 🥺🍳 just like absolutely clueless what to do with himself #he doesnt know how to socialize or receive compliments hes so unused to that shit #its like dammit give this man some kisses right the fuck now 👺👺👺 #then idk he just has a really stupid sense of humor and chases reko around to tell her ghost stories cuz he likes them #and because he likes to be a menace #he accidentally becomes kannas mom and he wears a bucket in his head to match her #idk like i already liked him a lot when i initially played the game and then like recently introduced a friend to it #and she LOVED kai which was unsurprising to me lol and i was just like. yeah actually kai fuckin rules #and his past story made me feral and then yeah i discovered these fondness events and im like #okay so yeah hes the best character #or at least my second favorite character i still gotta keep shin on his pedestal #aaaaghhh its really hard deciding my favorite characters in this game theyre all so good like even the characters im not crazy about #are still really fucking good and yeah just like everyone feels important and well developed its very good #anyways i have such a type for pretty boys with big autism who were raised to be assassins but now theyre house husbands

[m00ngbin]

Sometimes I think of Chicken Little from the movie Chicken Little and cry bc he's just a kid and he's all alone and his dad is ashamed of him and he lost his mother and he gets bullied and harassed bc he's small and kind of strange and he's the only person in the world that knows that the sky is falling and when he tries to tell people they don't believe him

#I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED HIM #ALL THAT PRESSURE ON THAT POOR LITTLE KID #AND THEN HE HAS TO SAVE THE WHOLE TOWN FROM THE ALIENS #THE ENTIRE TOWN THAT OSTRACIZED AND BULLIED HIM BTW #EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR #LIKE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?? #i wouldnt have done it #i would have just left them to get vaporized into the void #idk just after all that hes still so kind and he cares about everybody in that stupid town #AND THE SCENE WHERE HES LIKE BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH HIS FATHER TO JUST BELIEVE HIM #BC IF NOBODY ELSE HAS HIS BACK AT LEAST HIS DAD SHOULD #and he DIDNT #OH AND HIS DAD PURPOSELY SEPARATED HIMSELF FROM CHICKEN LITTLE BECAUSE HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED #IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY #idk chicken little makes me really sad #I KNOW THE DAD IS HAVING A HARD TIME I KNOW HES STILL GRIEVING HIS WIFE BUT OH MY GOD #YOUR SON NEEDS YOU. HE HAS NEEDED YOU AND YOU ARE JUST NOT THERE FOR HIM #i could have been a better parent #i could have done it i would have loved him the way he deserved #OH AND HE ONLY HAS LIKE THREE PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE THAT REALLY LOVE HIM COMPLETELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY #AND THEYRE ALL STRANGE AND OSTRACIZED JUST LIKE HE IS #the troupe of people that are othered finding each other. seeing their faults. and loving each other the way that they should be loved #will always EAT ME ALIVE #what was he. like 12? #if i had been in that movie i would have LOST IT if a kid that little had to go through and deal with all of the things that he had to #pretty much alone for most of the movie #i meam he had his three friends for half of it but theres a lot he had to do alone #i just watched it can you tell

[freebooter4ever]

A friend called and something he said is nagging at the self-hating part of my mind....

I just...when im working i always use the excuse of 'im too busy to date' and when im unemployed im always too ashamed and depressed/worthless to date. That doesnt leave any moments TO date?

#Journal shit #I have to confess that a huge change in my thinking recently happened while volunteering #To explain why i was avaiable to volunteer on mondays now i had to tell them that i lost my job #And they didnt even blink #Just treated me normally or like they were excited because now it meant i got to help out even more and its just so fun being there #That once a month wasnt enough #They didnt judge me or suddenly act like i was a social pariah #i dunno this city is 90% fucked up people will DROP you as a friend immediately if you lose your job as if unemployment is contagious #Anyway i started feeling like maybe meeting people when i had time and wasnt working 24/7 wouldnt be so bad

[munamania]

this shoot was just so fucking bullshit i dont like being around those guys and it honestly just pissed me off to see all the equipment these people are working with... like oh right well it's awesome that u spent so much money for your little group to make appealing cool films and ur so weird about anybody else using it since it's Technically a club's but let's be fr.. and i was asked to run around up and down floors etc and this one kid was apparently being bitchy abt having to bc men can never not have a tantrum and like i had to go early with the director and dp and like was i on top of my game fucking look at my life NO but i was fine this crew was pretty fucking terrible at delegating and communicating and i feel like i almost retreated into that headspace of oh god this whole thing is going to shit and it's my fault bc things arent organized and theyre running late and that is a large part of my job but its like the first day and again im not even THERE for fucking half of it bc it's a student set and im being asked to run around. oh right early on everyone keeps saying yep we're getting ready and i ask if they need help w equipment and they say no and so im like fucking cool sitting there waiting for our call and steve is like Abby how are we on time and the room falls silent and i was like oh my fucking god. im being dramatic like it's whatever but dont micromanage me yk and then they were pretty nice but then partway through the shoot after we'd moved locations and i was getting nothing from the director/we were at a standstill i asked if she wanted me to go stand with our equipment till someone got back and she said yes so i did and was on my phone yes and steve came up to me like so i'd love it if you could stay with [director] more bc she's struggling with staying on time and i just think having someone to help her with that would be good and well. that's your job. basically. ohhhhh bitch i almost got mean... i responded with like yeah well this is what i was asked to do rn and im checking in with her but will for sure do that more. absolutely not getting any kind of vibe from anyone on this set though so. like dont sit here and tell me im not doing enough of my job... anyway i feel like no one knew what to do with me and i tried to be friendlyish and helpful etc and ik it was not my best day but jfc

#whatever. im good at what i do im good at what i do #it's like.... #disheartening almost. idk. bc no matter how much i love this and really want to be in this #god some people just really have it better #even just in the years ive been here the film program has been building and slowly getting more equipment and now those clubs #are getting on it and it's like bitch i started on zoom... #i didnt just Have film production classes in my high school i wasnt able to go out and buy a black magic camera just cause i wanted to #and then tell me why a few of them are going This is so gay... bc well her story is. old friends? be serious #but like yes im sure you people know gay people but why are you saying that... i didnt like it #i joined in on the joke cause well i felt my voice was most important there. given the lesbianism. #but god i cant stand how film guys will just treat u like shit um constantly and even if you politely peer to peer ask them smth #which honestly id rather kms than do but im an adult so if i dont know something i like to ask they just asked like such assholes #abby talks

[deadpettyrainbow]

we're pretending like i'm not insane right? yeah okay.

#cemetery mary #art of my friend and i bcs im GAY #whiteboard fox #mary anta #reginald tetra #nine and rusty rose from sonic prime technically #it's not really rusty and nine just half assed designs i made like last year #i completely fucking forgot about them so theyre dogshit now #my friends made such silly art but its 2am im not asking them if i can post it #my dogwater art is enough dawg #randy jade valentine speedrun #mostly cemetery mary i think #MY FRIENDS FISH FUCKING DIED #when i tell you i HATE myself for posting this i mean like #ima kms #i have so much more artwork #thats like way fucking better than this shit #pretending like i didnt just say that last part can i say how much i absolutely adore mary #shes so silly and small #its fucking hilarious when ppl say shes a teenager like dawg do you even FOCUS on anything in the game #no jk only my psycho ass studies every little itty bitty detail

[butchdonne]

like ive been hanging out with this one friend group since literally the beginning of the year and thats been fine!! but for some reason theyve collectively and silently decided that i am Not one of them and they dont wait for me at lunch time im pretty sure they have a group chat without me etc etc. and that would be ok were it not for the fact that it is now halfway through the school year and i have nowhere else to go because all the friend groups have already formed. so unless something happens that means i Gain a friend group by chance im basically stranded for the rest of the year (and probably next year too) and theres literally nothing i fear more than that

#what the fuck do i even do #there are people who like me and think im cool i have friends in my lessons but they have their friend groups!!! #i cant go barging in on them i cant just Appear and Insert myself into their group its too late for that #and besides my school is a labyrinth i dont even know Where to go #i just wanna know what i did that made them decide i didnt belong in their group uk #were my vibes just off or something? #because like. theyre not purposefully cutting me out but theres not no intention behind it #like i am not one of them very obviously #but they neglected to tell me this until it was too late for me to do anything else so now im stuck on the fringes of a group of people who #just about tolerate my presence. hmmm i wonder what this reminds me of. oh yeah not much just THE WORST YEARS OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE??? #and like they're not in the wrong these things happen but also i do not deserve to be treated like that #they may not know thats one of the things i loathe and fear the most but they must know its kinda shit #ok. vent over im done #(just cried for like 20 mins straight) #pip squeaks #vent

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i #shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and #i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but #like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure. #whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i #should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh. #i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i #do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18 #days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno #how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do #something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do #i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its #like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be #miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do? #try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can #tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends? #id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st #roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can #never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated #unrelated

[awek-s-archived]

ok sooo people who have me blocked are stalking me apparently so just wanna clarify that y’all do not even have the decency to talk to me off-anon about the stuff that bothers you which is why we have beef in the first place. i absolutely will shade you knowing that you shit on me for months, while pretending to be my friend, twisted my words about something because you wanted a justification to block me, cry about me ‘crying wolf’ when i get crazies in my inbox like it’s normal to hound someone for letting out their feelings on their own blog .. on anon as well .. furthermore getting in your feelings about me being white complaining about whitewashing, ok! in that case, from now on, i’ll be whitewashing all of my content too, since it’s problematic that i try not to. that seems to be the logical explanation since whitewashing asian ppl seems to be ok with this community. not to mention the fact that well, you have people keeping tabs on me despite the fact you hate me and have me blocked yet continue to spread lies and twisted words to literally everybody you come into contact with, and are obsessed enough with me that you have to check everything i say on my own blog.

i’ll happily say the name of the people i have beef with but then y’all will have to explain why you twisted my words, why you pretended to be my friend when you were bothered by my general existence and wanted to block me all along, why you didn’t ask me to clarify what i meant during the ‘drama’ period (i already know the answer though, it’s because you wanted justification to have me blocked), why your friends are keeping tabs on me despite the fact that you have me blocked, why it bothers you what i say on my own blog, etc etc. the whole point of this drama is that i THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS and evidently got in my feelings about finding out LAST that i was actually hated all along but i guess being in my circle was good enough to ignore the things about me that annoyed you at the time? then idk, spreading enough lies that people i’ve never talked to in my life think that they know me and what the norm is for my blog and my interactions. very weird behaviour all around. but uhhh i guess... continuing to spread things about me and complain about me is preferable? to actually talking like an adult, off-anon? which you could’ve done over a year ago? idk. i’d take a look at yourself first.

#dee proofread this for me and she said im allowed to vent my feelings and agrees so ! lol #the whitewashed thing is so funny bc i literally have spoken to multiple poc abt it as an issue a lot of times #and everyone is like yeah u shouldnt whitewash anymore. so obviously i try to uphold that view #but i guess if ur a poc and ur white friends whitewash content its ok and it doesnt apply to them ! #anyway this is my final post ever about it bc i genuinely at this point feel like this is a witch hunt #ive avoided telling ppl about yall bc i didnt want to cause more shit but you both go around spreading stuff abt me to anyone who listens #without giving full context or talking to me or dee or tris abt any of it #im not fucking interested in talking to you anymore bc i was hoping against all hope that you would come talk to me like an adult this whole #time! but apparently thats not possible so just keep my name out of ur mouth #stop stalking me #stop sending me anons when you have me blocked #u bitch to other people who dont even know me while naming me and spreading lies so im allowed to bitch on my own blog #without ever setting any of my followers on you. lol. #aweks.txt #edit: in the third tag i meant anyone not anymore!! sry

[maretriarch]

grape>strawberry jelly any day of the week but homemade blackberry jelly exists on the 4th dimension like it exists far beyond our measly < > system

#god #i havent had blackberries in years #maybe if they were easier to steal from walmart but walmart blackberries r not even worth stealing theyre so ass #blackberrys need to be harvested from your nearest alley for maximum flavor #growing up just down the road there used to be a giant patch of blackberries and id fill up whole bucketfulls #in crocs. and id on purpose step on the biggest thorns so theyd break off in my shoes so i could remove them later like #for fun #i didnt have friends growing up CAN YOU TELL #it was like. pimple popping asmr from me tweezing the thorns from the foam #no wonder. i did not have friends #you find shit to do as a kid to keep yourself entertained literally anything i used to smack rocks between bricks to see what color dust i #could make

[dirt-str1der]

Do you consider any of the non protagonist yakuza girls well writen?

I think none of them had rights

#Thanks for the ask ! #like you have to actively like girls to notice them theyre inconsequential #also who is this why are you sewing discorse in my inbox #i spelled discourse wrong. my mom ordered the dog trainers to train ollie right now because he is insane and hes eating soo many treats #not because hes a good boy but because they are tossing that shit at him #they were literally almost there with yasuko #i thought her story was so fucking interesting ... #like its really not a fault of the girls they are all pretty good characters in their own right #like we have a variety of them too. we had miss tatsu who was out there turning guys inside out but she randomly had to go get kidnapped in #order to complete kiryus training arc. like how funny would it be for the whole thing to be staged and miss tatsus like Lol good job kiryu #for passing my test. oh this guy ? yeah he did get the better of me but i kicked the shit out of him then roped him into my schemes. dont #you think practical application is more effective than training ? anyway theres nothing more i can teach you but you can come train whenevr #we didnt even get an in game appearance for yuko but apparently she was a massive troll but too cute to get into any real trouble #mirei was. . . i literally said ‘are you kidding me’ when they revealed what happened to her like seriously ? is this real ? they did #that ? like literally she should have been living it up in cahoots with katsuya and being so sexy and divorced forever. she should have #faked her death because every single parentsl figure haruka had leaves her. and god haruka like honest to god i love that she just ran off #like that i thought it was so kiryu of her to be an absent father. but also my friends have all brought up very good points which is that #haruka should NOT have gone back to morning glory like she should have stayed in ono michi with her loser girlfriend whos a boyfriend with #her new extended family and only go back every now and then to see her siblings honestly i hated that .... like girl spread your wings .. #choose where you want to roost stop going back !! just get out !!!!!! its literally okay to tell the rest of your family ‘i dont wanna wipe #your asses forever i love you guys but im out of here’. and god i .. as much as i loved y0 makoto should have left her shitassed husband #girl had a whole ass baby with him ... find someone better im sorry ..!!! like whatever i know that thst was the ‘best’ option for her and #she deserves financial stability and a rich doctor husband but she also deserves crazy sex with a girl with one eye #i think what yumi did was awesome but like. actually i have no complaints about yumi. wait no i do. kazama was a shitass for marrying her #off to that politician because he couldnt stand having a woman in his house. im now thinking of that unecessarily hot doctor from y0 wtf was #her deal. and god the unnecessarily hot cho-han lady from y5.. oh wait ako had rights. she fell in love with kiryu at first sight then got #over him which is literally the best thing a girl could do for herself. PLUS she throws molotovs and is generally awesome #i cant remember any other girl. oh yeah god reina. .. reina .... god milky though .... i think she was fantastic and i want her badly. and #yayoi fucking disappeared after a certain point in time and ran off to another city with her baby daddy and sugared him to open a bar #well its not canon but im certain thats what happened because she literally went radio silence like girl where are you ....

[theygender]

My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life

In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings

I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭

...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭

#rambling #the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date #and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?' #god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now #there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people #but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭 #they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why #and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot #you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it #and tbh. that didnt even always work #my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me #but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time #(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn) #so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person #i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now #and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date? #and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf #i cant interpret signals for shit 😭 #i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet #but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways #and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl.... #only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot #literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head #you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol #i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth #ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school #which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅 #god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls #without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭 #and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭