#and that sounds more like jesper and i resonate with jesper as well but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caveatscriptor · 1 year

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✒️ for the grishaverse asks? I just finished reading ruin and rising yesterday and I loved it, though Ive heard most people favor six of crows so I'm curious! Thats my next read.

Grishaverse Ask

Well, I'm going to tell you immediately Six of Crows! Thing is, I have only read the shadow and bone trilogy and the six of crows duology (I am currently reading King of Scars); but between those two six of crows, always! (I'm going to give you a rundown, completely spoiler free)

Main differences: Shadow and Bone is first person (you cannot escape Alina's mind - I am not a fan of book Alina... certain lines were difficult, and certain moments that we didn't seem to get past as well); Six of crows you have 6 different pov's from very different people (all criminals, but all with sound resoning for their causes - that's a potent recipe). Writting wise, six of crows is a massive step up and I also think you get even more immersed into Ketterdam than you ever got immersed into Ravka (you are mainly stuck inside the little palace and then you go search for the amplifiers, but that's it; what I personally took away from the trilogy was the little palace and not much else). Ketterdam you are up in the roofs with Inej; the Komedie brute costumes are a staple; the slat, hellgate, the crow club, etc. Your enemies are also very different from the darkling, there's no space for sympathy for any of them, after all, Ketterdam is basically a den for gamblers, merchants and gangsters (you do have "upstanding" places like the university district - but we never dwell much on it truly).

But why six of crows and not shadow and bone? Shadow and bone is almost the making of a legendarium, a Sun Saint and a Shadow Sinner; a young girl led astray by a very much older and manipulative man; a girl that wants to rid her country of an evil force: the fold; the chosen one beating evil. Six of crows is not about saving the world, it's about six people each with their own goal, that end up being a family to each other, even if begrundgingly (Kazzle Dazzle, everyone).

Nina is grisha, 2nd army soldier, and she wants to save Matthias, a druskelle (a hunter of grisha); they should be enemies but they end up loving each other despite their cultural background and all the differences that can come from that. She's a fabulous heartrender that doesn't need her powers to make your heart skip a beat.

Matthias Helvar, has only known how to follow orders, never to question them. The one time he does, he discovers not only love, but that the path he has been following maybe has blinded him to the truth.

Jesper, a charming sharp-shooter, who seems to only be content when he's high on adrenaline by gambling or by risking his own life. But behind all of his bravado there's something deeper; in spite of coming from a loving family and seemingly having nothing that could lead him to such a life.

Inej Ghafa, kidnapped from her own home and brought to a foreign land, indentured, enslaved and still seeing the good the world has to offer, in spite of it all, and without losing her faith in her saints. She's strong beyond words, and the deadliest rogue Ketterdam has to offer. The wraith will know all your secrets and her knives will not miss your heart, if it needs be.

Kaz Brekker, dirty hands, bastard of the barrel, the mind of the operation. Vengeance is what moves him, and greed is his tool. The cane, the gloves, the reluctance in trusting anyone, the past that he cannot let go, the goal he must accomplish. He's not just deadly, he's highly driven in his hatred (he's a tough pill to swallow in Six of Crows, at least to me; but in Crooked Kingdom, everything will make sense).

Wylan, the boy that, in theory, got in with the wrong crowd, but that in actuality found love, all the forms of love that he could imagine and deserved. The family he never had. And, even though Kaz may be the plan maker, Wylan is the brightest mind in the group.

These six people go on a heist, in search of freedom, in search of purpose, in search of vengeance. These are some of the best written characters and group of people that just works perfectly well together. Besides, it's not about saving the world, it's about saving themselves and saving each other.

I hope I could help ;)

(I could've expanded more on the trilogy, but like you said, you just read it, so no need to delve deep into it)

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musicallisto · 3 years

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i would like to reiterate that nina zenik and matthias helvar are the only reason i am still sane and capable of human emotion

#i don't think i have yelled enough about them. have i yelled enough about them?#THEIR INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITIES #THEIR CHARACTER GROWTH #MATTHIAS (DEROGATORY) MADE ME GO THROUGH A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS IN THE BOOK AND I HAVEN'T RECOVERED.#AND NINA IS TOO POWERFUL AND SO STRONG AND AMAZING. I CAN'T DEAL.#she reminds me so much of me. i don't think i have actually elaborated on why i love nina so much.#she's so unapologetic. loud obnoxious and confident. she's brash funny and flirty. she makes jokes and she's exhausting.#she's everything that i am. or that i at least wish to be.#and oftentimes this type of character is The Best Friend. you know? the one who drags the Plain Main Character to parties and stuff #and doesn't have a life outside of being The Sidekick. doesn't get a character arc or much depth...#and all my life reading ya lit i was convinced that brash girls are the Best Friend and nothing more.#they are the lively counterpart to a timid main character and only ever serve the purpose to be their crutch. and give them cool outfits.#so all my life i thought i was the sidekick in my own life; i was second best in my own skin #but then nina came and the way she was handled - not like a side character here to assist the heroine and disappear #but as a HEROINE herself. as a MAIN character. with flaws and development and a romance subplot #and i just saw so much of myself in her personality and went hey! i can be badass too! i'm not a crutch! to anyone!#also i am kind of confined to this role of the Happy Friend. you know? super hyper and enthusiastic and hilarious.#and i'm not really allowed to be sad. or vulnerable. it's others who count on me for me to cheer them up not the other way around #(and also why i'm absolute shit at expressing affection in a serious heartfelt manner but whatever)#and that sounds more like jesper and i resonate with jesper as well but #nina being a girl + all the random little things about her #(her sweet tooth and appetite; the fact she's v good with languages)#(how she's curvy as well which made me feel better about my body - and im literally skinny so yay beauty standards)#(how she likes blond men AGAINST HER WILL (it's too funny))#i just love her. that's all #shadow and bone #six of crows #nina zenik #clara tais toi #helnik

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xsamsharons · 3 years

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held by you - f. fahey

pairing: jesper fahey x reader.

genre/warning: fluff. like, stupid sweet fluff.

words: 1k

summary: short little blurb about a rare moment of peace and quiet with jesper by your side.

“Hey there, stranger.” Jesper’s voice resonated through your room as it came from your previously closed door, which you’d heard open seconds before you heard his voice. You didn’t bother facing him when you replied, instead keeping your eyes trained on the city below you, visible through your window and vibrating with energy as it usually did on Friday nights.

“Hey, Jes.” your voice sounded tired and strained, as if you hadn’t spoken in ages.

You heard the door shut behind you, followed by the sound of his footsteps making their way to come stand behind you, his chest touching your back but his arms still by his side as he followed your line of sight out into the Ketterdam streets. Jesper and you knew each other well enough to know that he knew you were feeling down, and he didn’t have to ask you why he had barely seen your face around the Slat the past couple of days.

“You know, there’s a lot more interesting things to do on a Friday night than stalk people from your room window.” he said, finally moving his arms to let his hands rest upon your shoulders and start moving them in a massage-like motion. You allowed yourself a small smile at his words.

“Like watch you lose bets downstairs? I can do that every other day of the week.” you shrugged, and leaned your head backwards so that it rested on with his body behind you.

“You know,” he started, his voice a few octaves higher after your comment, causing your smile to widen. “I come here to bless you with my glorious presence and get you out of your self-pity party, and all I get in return is a personal attack.” he finished, his hands still working on relieving some of the tension that had settled upon your shoulders.

“Self-pity party?” you laughed.

“Oh, i’m sorry. I thought the whole gazing out into the street from your window with a somber look made it pretty obvious.” he explained, his hands traveling down from your shoulders and rubbing soothing motions over your exposed arms, his words sarcastic but his touch delicate. You rolled your eyes and tilted your head backwards to look at him for the first time since he entered your room.

Whatever it is that you were about to say died in your throat before you could even get one word out. From your angle, you could stare up at him and watch as the harsh lights from the street shined softly on his beautiful face, and how his eyes looked so full of worry once he looked down at you from his position towering above you.

“I missed you these past couple of days.” he said softly, dropping the sarcasm or the joking tone he had been using ever since he’d appeared on your door. His eyes shined with sincerity, and held so much emotion as they stared down at you that you considered looking away just to avoid this confrontation.

“I missed you too.” you admitted, and it was the truth. You had missed his face, his voice and his touch. You had missed his stupid comments and his blush-worthy compliments. You had missed… him. Though you’d be damned if you thought you’d ever admit all those things to him out loud. “I missed your face.” you settled for instead, smirking up at him and watching as a smirk of his own grew on his lips as well.

“Who wouldn’t?” he asked, and you rolled your eyes, your smile never leaving your face, even as you turned back around to continue staring out into the city. “I don’t really get the appeal of staring at the city, you already have the best view right here behind you.” he said, referring to himself, and you snorted.

“You are so full of yourself.” you shook your head.

“Rightfully so, have you seen me?” he asked, his hand halting their movements on your arms, and instead coming back up again to wrap both of his around your shoulders, leaning his head against yours. You moved your hands from in front of you and placed them on his forearms located around your chest, holding him close, as if afraid he’d go somewhere if you stopped holding him.

You stayed like that, in silence and holding each other, for a while. You watched as the city below you became more crowded, as the noises became louder and as everyone started to look more like a blend of something than singular people you could point out. You could feel his chest rising and falling from behind you, and you could feel his soft skin erupted with goosebumps from your touch as you kept rubbing circles on his forearms.

“Thank you for checking up on me.” you whispered after a few minutes of silent embrace, your voice soft as if afraid any sort of loud noise would disrupt the rare moment of peace you had found in your rather hectic lives.

“Anytime, angel.” you felt as he raised his head to kiss the top of yours, only to lean back against you moments after he was done, and you closed your eyes, smiling softly at the feeling. “Always.”

#jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey imagine #jesper fahey fic #jesper fahey fanfic #jesper #x reader #imagine #fic #fanfic #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone #grishaverse

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morganayenneferburnham · 3 years

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Have I Known You 20 Seconds or 20 Years? – Nikolai Lantsov Series

Chapter 1: Devils Roll the Dice, Angel Roll their Eyes

Chapter 2: You Did a Number on Me

Chapter 3: You Could Call Me Babe for the Weekend

Chapter 4: The Best of Times, The Worst of Crimes

A very short summary: Y/N has been working with the crows for a few years. Her life feels complete until she meets the insufferable Nikolai Lantsov. She finds herself forced to work with the King of Ravka on one of Kaz Brekker’s crazy schemes.

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: I finally finished chapter 4. It is a bit longer than the others. I should probably mention that I have never picked a lock or broken into a safe before so it might not be accurate. I tried my best, though!

Chapter 4: The Best of Times, The Worst of Crimes

“So, how often do you break into councilmen’s houses, exactly?” His curious voice resonating, barely louder than a whisper, in the dark empty corridor.

She was crouched down in front of the office door, kneeling on the thick burgundy carpet. Her nimble fingers, holding the picks she’d slipped from a hidden pocket of her dress, working quickly to get the door open.

She smiled, “Often, enough.” Does he disapprove? She wondered. Probably not. He’s breaking in as well, after all. The lock finally clicked. She let out a deep sigh of relief. Kaz may have trained her well, but she knew he was a better lock pick than she could ever hope to be. He was always so calm. Unfortunately, her nerves threatened to get the better of her every time she had to use this particular skill on a job. She was glad the first hurdle was behind her, but she knew cracking the safe would prove to be even more daunting.

“Let’s go,” she said, standing up and placing the picks back in her hidden pocket.

The door opened silently revealing an elegant office. Ornate woodwork decorated the lower half of the walls. Tasteful art pieces were scattered around the room. Kaz would love this, she thought, looking appreciatively at a DeKappel mounted on the wall behind the cluttered desk. If we have enough time, I’ll take a quick peek at these documents. There might be something interesting in there.

“According to Brekker the safe should be behind that bookcase” Nikolai gestured to a tall bookcase in the left corner of the room before swiftly making his way to it. “There should be a mechanism somewhere…” He was looking for it, moving his fingers around the back of the piece of furniture. A loud click resonated. The bookcase swung on its hinges, revealing the door to a steel safe. Nikolai turned back to her, wearing a wide grin. “This is fun! Maybe I should take a page out of your book.”

She raised a questioning brow, looking in his direction, making her way to the safe. “What do you mean?”

He let out a low chuckle. “I think I’ll start breaking into Zoya’s room, move stuff around. Maybe leave a note or two. It’d be a good way to annoy her.”

“Why would you risk your life like that? I mean I don’t know her well, but I have a feeling she’s scary when pissed off.” She thought of Zoya’s blazing blue eyes. She must be gorgeous too.

“You have no idea how absolutely terrifying she can be” he mused. “but a King needs entertainment.” His grin was utterly wicked. Y/N felt her heart skip over a beat.

She smiled back. The idea of Zoya trying to murder the king amused her to no end. “Well, it’s your funeral,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders. “Now be silent, I need to focus.” She took a seat on the floor facing the safe.

She reached for the combination dial, gently resting her fingers on it. She breathed in deeply. Contact points. This is the easy part. She slowly spun the dial listening for the telling sounds. Click. A bit more. Click.

There we go. Park the wheel. Okay. Now I need to figure out the number of wheels. Sankta Lizabeta, please, don’t let there be too many.

She started turning the dial slowly again. First turn. Click. Second turn. Click. Third turn. Click. Fourth turn. Nothing.

She let herself breathe again. Three wheels. Three numbers. Six possible combinations. She could do this.

She quickly turned the dial to the right, letting it complete multiple turns before stopping at zero. She rolled her shoulders. No time to waste, she thought, here I go. She spun the dial slowly to the left. Click. More. Click. She repeated the process over and over, starting from a new number each time. She knew lock manipulation was time consuming but Saints this was taking way too long.

She found herself wishing she’d brought paper with her. This would’ve been a lot easier if she could’ve graphed her findings as she went instead of having to memorize them. Wylan is brighter than I am. He should be in here, helping.

She finally narrowed it down to three numbers: 12, 13, and 89. Six possible combinations. She was already behind schedule. She had to try them quickly.

She tried the first combination holding her breath. It didn’t work. She could feel Nikolai’s gaze on her. She heard him fidgeting by the door.

Saints, it would’ve been so much easier if I could’ve just drilled through this damn door. We’re screwed if I can’t get it open in the next minute.

“Fuck, I wish Kaz had sent Jesper in.” She was starting to panic. Second combination? Not this one either. This was taking too long. She was too slow. She was going to fail Kaz. Even worse, she was going to fail Nikolai.

She tried the third combination to no avail.

“Why would a sharpshooter be useful right now?” He sounded mostly confused, somewhat curious, and maybe a bit anxious.

Her fingers worked quickly, turning the dial following the sequence of the fourth combination. She groaned. It hadn’t worked.

“Well, a Fabrikator would be a lot more efficient at cracking a safe,” she said simply. Only two combinations left to try. This has to work.

“Oh, thank the Saints!” she exclaimed leaving no chance for Nikolai to reply. The penultimate combination had worked. 13-12-89. This Saints forsaken sequence of numbers had finally opened the safe. She had been lucky the safe wasn’t one of the more recent models. This one had already been difficult enough to crack.

She grabbed the blueprints, quickly rolling them up. She pulled her skirts up her right thigh and slid the precious documents in the sheath safely tied there. Nikolai closed the safe’s door and locked it. They were already late. “Come on. We have to go.” She was moving towards the door as soon as her skirts had fallen back into place.

Nikolai followed suit, quietly closing the door behind them. He quickly moved aside, giving Y/N access to the lock once more. She was already holding her picks.

Her hands were shaking slightly making it difficult to lock the door. She could’ve sworn the small click of the lock was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. She had never been more relieved. She rose quickly. She was ready for this night to be over.

Footsteps rang out in the hallway. Someone was coming up the stairs. It would be hard to explain what they were doing in the deserted hallway. They couldn’t be discovered here. She looked around hurriedly but there didn’t seem to be a good hiding place anywhere close.

Nikolai turned back towards her, “Do you trust me?”

“I –” Nikolai hadn’t given her a chance to answer, his lips already pressing against hers in a passionate kiss. His fingers gripping her waist tightly. She felt her back hit the wall with enough force to knock the breath out of her lungs. Nikolai deepened the kiss, tilting her head slightly to the left. His lips brushing against hers, his tongue sweeping her bottom lip. Her lips parting slightly into the kiss. His hands were moving up her back, pulling her closer to him. It felt like his hands were everywhere. His pleasant, intoxicating smell filling her nose, dulling her brain. His body was now pressing her hard against the wall, the doorframe digging painfully into her back. Her fingers, now tangled in his chestnut locks, had somehow found their way to his hair. She felt is fingers caress the skin at the back of her neck. All rational thought was completely erased from her mind. It was too much. It wasn’t enough. A small moan escaped her throat. Her heart was racing or maybe it was Nikolai’s? She couldn’t be sure.

A small cough reached her ears.

His lips left hers, drawing a plaintive whimper from her, only to attach themselves to her neck. She was fully aware of the next moan that escaped her, loud and breathy.

Someone cleared their throat next to them. A guard was standing there, staring at them. He looked somewhat amused but mostly uncomfortable.

Oh, it dawned on her, Nikolai is giving us a cover. It felt like a cold bucket of water had been poured on her head. She tried pushing him away, but Nikolai didn’t release his grip on her waist. Her cheeks were still flushed. She had to find a way to get her wits back. She was Ainsley Ó Ceallaigh. Not Y/N Y/L/N. It hadn’t been Nikolai, King of Ravka, kissing her. It had been Eoin Ó Ceallaigh, her husband.

“My apologies. I certainly don’t mean to interrupt” the guard was sporting a crooked smirk “but this part of the mansion is closed to the guests.” He didn’t seem to suspect anything was amiss.

“No need to apologize for doing your job, my friend,” Nikolai told the guard, his tone warm. “This is all my fault. You see I just couldn’t resist my wife’s beauty.” He pulled her in to place another kiss on her lips. Nikolai was playing his role to perfection. “We’ll go back to the party. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you any further.” Nikolai’s hold on her waist loosened, his palm sliding to the small of her back. He used it to push her gently towards the stairs.

“Have a good night” the suggestive tone of the guard’s voice sent a fresh wave of blood to Y/N’s cheeks.

They heard the door rattle as they started walking down the stairs. The guard was checking it was locked. He would be able to report to the councilman that no one had entered the office. By the time Van Verent would realize documents were missing, Ainsley and Eoin Ó Ceallaigh would be long gone.

-----

Nikolai kept his hand pressed to Y/N’s back. She hadn’t said a word since he’d kissed her.

He knew most Grisha in Ketterdam were indentures. He had even seen the pleasure house tattoo on her left arm. Kaz had told him she was now exclusively working for the dregs but her tattoo from the House of the Blue Iris was still visible. “She keeps it as a reminder” Kaz had said. A reminder of what, though?

He’d probably crossed a line by kissing her like that. Not even giving her a chance to consider his plan. Time had been short. They didn’t have any other options. He only hoped that he hadn’t caused too much harm.

Nikolai guided her through the crowd, smiling and nodding at various dignitaries until they reached the doors leading to the garden. They should be meeting Jesper and Wylan by the porcelain cabinet, but he needed to make sure Y/N was alright first. He could feel how tense she was, her muscles stiff under his palm.

The cold air seemed to bring her out of her daze. “What are you doing? We shouldn’t be here. We should –” he could hear the insecurity in her voice.

“I know exactly where we should be.” He rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?” he couldn’t quite keep the concern out of his voice.

“I’ll be perfectly fine once we get back to the plan” she spat at him. He was surprised to see how quickly she had gone back to acting as if he was the bane of her existence. He had really thought they were making progress and had almost become friends. At least, that’s what he had hoped.

She needs time. “Fine, let’s find Jesper and Wylan.” His voice was cold, perfectly controlled. He offered her a hand. He didn’t want to push, but they still had to play their part. He felt her cool fingers close around his hand.

------

Wylan’s eyes were wide, probably in surprise. They were late and they weren’t supposed to be coming from the gardens. She only hoped her lips weren’t bruised from the kiss. She didn’t want Wylan to think they were late because they had been unprofessional. She knew he’d have to report it to Kaz. Wylan was by far the worse liar of the crew. He couldn’t keep anything from their boss.

If Kaz thought Y/N was compromised, that she couldn’t do her job… She knew he wouldn’t send her back to the Blue Iris. Or did she? Kaz was known to be ruthless after all. If she fucked up the job? If she wasn’t useful anymore? She’d been with the crows for a long time now. She thought of the crows as her family. But did Kaz really think of her that way too? She’d like to believe Kaz loved her the way the same way she did. She couldn’t be sure. She was spiraling. She had to get a grip. They still had to play the part.

Jesper raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She ignored it and plastered a smile on her face. “Hello,” she had to keep herself from grimacing. Her voice had been all wrong, way too high. She tried correcting it. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

She saw the look of absolute confusion in Jesper’s eyes. Wylan looked more concerned than confused. This is bad. “Ketterdam has the most surprising weather, doesn’t it?” Wylan smiled. This was the phrase they had agreed upon to convene the success of their operation.

-----

The party had settled down about an hour later. The number of party guests dwindling steadily. Jesper and Wylan had taken their leave about 15 minutes before Y/N and Nikolai, keeping up the pretense of only having met that night.

They were now safely back at the Hendriks’ house, standing around the table in the dining room, examining the blueprints.

“Everything go according to plan?” Kaz inquired.

“Kinda” her voice was unsure. She knew it was better to tell Kaz now. She fiddled with the hem of the tablecloth.

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?” His face would’ve been unreadable to most, but Y/N could see the apprehension there.

She felt Nikolai tense up by her side. Her mind kept travelling back to the feeling of his lips on hers. She needed to focus. “It took me too long to open the safe. We were behind on the schedule and a guard came back to the hallway before we could leave.” She met Kaz’s eyes. “Don’t worry, the door was locked.”

“How did you explain what you were doing in a part of the house clearly closed to guests?” Zoya sounded curious.

Nikolai was the one to answer her, “What could a handsome man and his gorgeous wife possibly be doing in a deserted corridor in the middle of a party?” The sarcasm that laced his voice painting the picture clearly for everyone.

Y/N lowered her eyes, the blueprints suddenly very fascinating to her. She felt her cheeks flush once again.

“Quick thinking. The guard believed it?” Kaz didn’t sound mad. She risked a peek at him. He was looking directly at her. From the look he gave her she knew they weren’t done talking about this.

“No need to worry, Brekker.” Of course, Nikolai couldn’t leave it at that. He had to make it worse. “We made it believable.” He winked. “Also, Y/N is way too modest about her acting abilities.”

tagged: @power-of-words23

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov fic #nikolai lantsov imagine #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #grisha #nikolai series #my fic #ari's fic #have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years

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comingoutofthecauldron · 5 years

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the kiss

kuwei was sat alone at a piano. a white lacquer piano, to be exact. the room in which it stayed was odd, kuwei thought. as though it was meant to be grand and decadent, but ended up coming across as more of a tacky display room. purple silk wallpaper, adorned with a pattern of silver fishes, a silver chandelier hanging from the ceiling to match. at the end of the room, a cabinet stood filled with strange glass models of ships; why anyone would ever have need of such models was a mystery. indeed, the kerch seemed very odd.

he was absently pressing a single key, one solitary note droning out from the piano. oh, how much he resonated with it. so alone, no other notes to dance with and mingle. the kind of sound that nobody wants to hear unless it's paired with something else, something more interesting. his dark thoughts were interrupted by a familiar drawl that set his heart racing and stomach fluttering.

"i like that," said jesper from the doorway. "has a great beat—you can dance to it."

kuwei glanced up at the boy, careful not to let his nerves show. jesper sauntered into the room, walking it's perimeter before grimacing. "saints, this place is hideous."

kuwei attempted to act nonchalant and simply shrugged before playing another note. he kept his gaze focused on the piano, but was acutely aware of the other boy's movements as he leant against the piano.

"wanna get out of here?" jesper asked, and kuwei nearly smashed down all of the piano keys beneath his hands in shock. was he...was he being serious? this was jesper. he was a jokester, but he was also the only one who talked to kuwei, who was kind to him when the others simply ignored him. kuwei had simply thought this kindness was a mark of jesper's character, but what if...

what if he felt something too?

he didn't let any of this show. instead, he met jesper's gaze, scanning his face for any trace of a lie. when he could find none, he tentatively nodded, not trusting his voice.

jesper straightened, as though he wasn't expecting it. did he really not know about kuwei's feelings for him? "really?" he asked.

kuwei stood from the piano and took a step towards jesper. the other boy swallowed, and now it seemed as though it was his turn to scan kuwei's face for something—though what it was, kuwei couldn't say. when his gaze dropped to kuwei's lips, kuwei couldn't help but grin. a real, genuine grin, not sarcastic or forced. with jesper, it came as naturally as breathing. it seemed as though this was enough for jesper. his brow lifted, and all he said was, "well, hell," before closing the distance between them and taking kuwei's face in his hands.

their lips met, and kuwei saw stars. it was the gentlest brush of jesper's mouth, and yet his body was alight, tingling, desperate for more. jesper seemed unsure, as though he didn't know if kuwei wanted this, and it was all kuwei could do to pull him closer. jesper's hand slid to the back of his neck, tilting his head upwards, as though asking for something more, something deeper. kuwei was all too happy to oblige. their tongues met desperately as jesper deepened the kiss, pushing kuwei back up against the piano. he was vaguely aware of the keys clanking in discordant harmony, but he was too focused on jesper to take much notice. kuwei thought he might die with the sudden rush of feelings that threatened to swallow him whole. this was bliss.

eventually, jesper pulled back, much to kuwei's disappointment. the other boy dropped his hand from kuwei's neck, staring at the ground. staring at anything other than kuwei. at first, he thought jesper was just nervous, or embarrassed, until the both of them looked up to the doorway.

and kuwei saw himself standing there.

no, not himself. the other boy, wylan. the one wearing his face—a face that was currently pulled into an expression of shock and horror.

"what?" jesper asked. "do the shu not kiss before noon?"

and then it all fell into place. the way jesper had been looking at him, as though he really saw, as though he cared; it hadn't been for kuwei. he'd mistaken him for wylan. the boy he really wanted.

something in him cracked in that moment. split down the centre, splintered, and cracked. maybe it was his heart, maybe something else entirely. but the only thing he knew for certain was this: he couldn't show his pain in front of these people.

"i wouldn't know," wylan said bitterly.

kuwei watched the realisation—that same realisation he'd undergone only moments ago—dawn on him. "oh, saints," jesper groaned.

kuwei made a split second decision. he pushed that pain, that odd feeling of betrayal down and plastered a grin across his face, staring up at jesper through his lashes. jesper only spared him an exasperated glance before turning back to the boy in the doorway.

"wylan—" he began.

"kaz wants us in the sitting room."

"i—"

wylan was already gone. kuwei watched jesper stare at the empty doorway, probably replaying everything that just happened in his mind. after a few moments, he turned on kuwei, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "you should have said something!"

kuwei just shrugged. maybe he should just tell the truth. "you were very brave on black veil. since we're all probably going to die—"

"damn it," jesper cursed, cutting him off. he tried not to let his shoulders sag too noticeably, not that it mattered, considering jesper had already begun to stalk towards the door.

"you're a very good kisser," kuwei called after him. he wasn't sure why: what good could it do? it wasn't a lie, though.

jesper turned, squinting his eyes suspiciously. "how good is your kerch really?"

"fairly good."

"okay, then i hope you understand exactly what i mean when i say you are definitely more trouble than you're worth."

kuwei beamed, despite the words cutting into him like a thousand tiny knives. "kaz seems to think i'm worth a great deal now."

jesper rolled his eyes. "you fit right in here."

and then he left.

despite everything that had just happened, despite the hurt and the embarrassment, those words, coming from jesper, made the pain in his heart ease up just a little bit. at least he wasn't truly mad.

kuwei wasn't sure he could stand it if jesper was truly mad at him.

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