#and that.........has not been the case at all and I am just TIRED

[lorcandidlucienwill]

Okay I have a rant .

I'm really tired of reading about dumb fmcs , like feyre makes the dumbest decisions ever ( in retrospect she has been manipulated and brainwashed ) .

I really don't understand why people think she would make a good leader , the title of the High Lady is just that , a title , its just perfromative feminism on both sjm and rhysands part .

Hot take: Feyre should not have become a ruler. I know that authors think that their mains have to become the rulers or whatever, but it simply does not make sense for Feyre. She has no formal training, she is the most removed from her family's educated background, and she can barely even read for fuck's sake. The Tamlin-Feyre relationship makes sense because they're both artists forced to be warriors and the main providers...but that's not where their strength lies. That's not even what they want to do. And in this case, there's no "girlboss" moment of "embracing power," because they are already in the role of leader. It would've been more compelling for them to give up the rule and accept that there are others far more worthy of ruling. This is not a dig at Tamlin or Feyre; both did the best they could given the situation they were in, but it's simply not where they were meant to be. Not everyone is capable of ruling a kingdom; that doesn't mean they're lesser than others. Not everyone can be a warrior or an artist, either. Feyre and Tamlin could've been living their best cottage-core life at this point if SJM actually understood how to write character arcs. Sad. Tamlin and Feyre deserve a break. Nesta and Elain on the other hand? Born to rule. Not only were they raised for it, but they've got all the characteristics of good rulers. Nesta-Eris and Elain-Lucien are two amazing ruling pairs with two very different ruling styles depending on what court they're in and what kind of leadership is needed. Nesta and Eris would rule with a heavy hand where drastic change is needed and they have to deal with the Autumn Court assholes. Elain and Lucien would rule with their charisma and love. Ultimately, Elain and Lucien are the best suited to rule, Nesta and Eris second, and Feyre and Tamlin last. I am not counting the bat boys in this as they don't belong anywhere near a ruling position.

Every FMC could stand to learn a thing or two from Jude Duarte. That's all.

#asks #mutuals tag #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #elain archeron #pro archeron sisters #feylin #neris #elucien #sjm critical

[penvisions]

coffee and candor {one shot}

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Reader

Summary: Frankie picks you up for date number three and he's got it all planned out. Unfortunately, you're a little out of your depth with what he has in mind...

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: insecurities, frankie being excited and adorable gets it's own warning, competence kink, kissing, matching clothing, this is so fluffy and soft, um i think that's it tbh

A/N: while i'm still taking a short break from regular fic updates, this was a commission by the lovely @whocaresstillthelouvre. the prompt was 'nervous frankie x not outdoorsy! reader go on a hike early in their relationship'. i rather like how this turned out! i am still taking commissions even if i'm not working on wips at the moment. anything helps, please check out this post and this post to know more about what's goin' on in my lil corner. no pressure all all lovelies, i know things are tough for everyone! love y'll and hope the day is good to you ♡♡

ao3 link || navigation || main masterlist || ko-fi

Body tingling with anticipation, you wait on for the rumble of a truck engine to round the corner. You were nervous, this is only your third date with the man you had met by chance at a coffee shop. A mix up of to go cups and you found yourself placating a very tired and embarrassed Frankie Morales.

He had picked up your drink by mistake. But if you were honest, it was totally okay that you had to wait an extra few moments to get it remade before you blipped off to work, because it gave you the chance to chat with him and scrawl your phone number onto the cup that was supposed to be yours. His kind smile motivating you to be a little bolder than you normally would.

The truck does indeed rumble around the corner and within minutes you’re sat in the passenger seat with the radio playing low and cruising down the highway.

“So what did you plan for us today? The truck looks suspiciously empty.” You eyed the cooler sitting in the extended cab, lid propped open and empty. Then the simplistic backpack beside it, it was always in the foot space between the two front seats. Frankie had admitted to you that it helped to ground him to know he had essentials within reach at all times, just in case. You hadn’t pushed for more of an explanation, knowing he had faced more than a few situations he felt less than prepared for.

But the rite in the rain notebook with the matching pen he had in his pocket along with his wallet at all times told you he was good at preparing for anything within reason. The situations he faced out of his control had not been shared with you quite yet but you would be content if they weren’t, only wanting for him to tell you if he was comfortable enough to do so.

With pink tinged ears he turns to you with a lopsided smile.

“The pack has everything we need, don’t you worry your pretty little head.”

“Not worried, just curious.” Your tongue peeks out from between your teeth and you see the way his adam’s apple bobs in response. His eyes snap back to the road and you feel a giddy sense of satisfaction at having flustered him a bit. He’d been the perfect gentlemen, his large hands only skimming around your body to lead you through doors, a tentative palm on your thigh as you sit beside him. No kissing, at least not yet. You were hoping today would be the day.

“I figured we would get out of the city a bit, go on a hike. It’s a really short one, only a few miles. Not too bad of an elevation gain, cleared out of poison oak, leads to a view I really think you’ll like. It’s an easy looped hike, so I figured we’d have a bite to eat at the midpoint. I packed up some snacks too, plenty of water. Even got some bugs spray and sunscreen.”

He rambled on, excitement obvious as he detailed the plan for the day, his face lighting up in the most endearing way. He was totally in his element and you….you were not. When you didn’t quip back immediately, he loosened a curled fist from around the steering wheel and reached for your thigh.

“That okay?” He jostled you slightly, worry seeping into his voice.

“Oh, um, y-yes.” You tried to muster up a smile, but it paled in comparison to the one he had only moments ago.

“I knew I should’ve run the idea by you. You don’t seem as excited now,” His bottom lip was taken between his teeth, worrying the skin of it as he regarded your profile. The slight furrow to your brow, the way your hands were wound around the flaps of your open overshirt. You had picked out a tank top and shorts outfit, tossing on casual button up over it, not sure what he had planned initially.

The first date had been coffee: to make up for him stealing yours. He had been nervous, his energy spiking and waning as he admitted he didn’t do this often. Date. Get random phone numbers. Have a lot of free time. He was a dad, to a bouncy and energetic seven-year-old. Nothing to worry about on the baby momma front, she wasn’t a part of the picture. A story you didn’t push on either, just making it as comfortable as possible between you two for him to want to tell you.

The second date had been dinner, with him in an ironed outfit and you in a slinky dress. It had been so much fun, the excitement obvious as you both hoped for another chance to see each other.

And now, the third: a hike.

You did not hike. You didn’t do anything considered outdoorsy if you were being completely honest. You were a lazy, take the day off to look through thrift shops kind of person. A curl up on the couch with a cup of steaming coffee or a cocktail and a book kind of person.

“Hey,” He breathed, soft brown eyes watching the way you had closed up. “It’s okay. We don’t have to, I promise I won’t be mad.”

“You’re so excited, though.” You move a hand to tangle your fingers with is, hand still on your thigh. Your stomach flutters, his skin is calloused and warm.

“I get excited about spending time with you, hermosa. It doesn’t matter what we do.”

“I want to do the hike.” You insist, wanting him to go back to the enthusiastic way he had talked about his plans.

“Please don’t feel like you have-“

“I don’t feel like I have to, Frankie, I want to. Because you want to. Simple.” You squeeze his hand in yours, placating him along with a soft smile.

“Simple.” With a lopsided grin and a press of his lips to your knuckles, the tension eases.

Gravel crunched underneath the tired of the truck as Frankie maneuvers off the secluded highway. Tall trees and various shades of green surround you. You both sat and listened to the clinking of the engine cooling down, taking a moment to breathe in the pine and cedar.

“I, uh, got you something.” He huffed a little as he reached for the back and hauled it into his lap.

“You didn’t have to- oh my gosh!” It was a hat, a baseball cap just like the one atop his head. Dark navy blue, emblazoned with a ‘standard heating oil’ patch. Your stomach fluttered at the implication.

“To help keep the sun off your head and outta your eyes.” He plopped it atop your head, the stiff thing just barely resting over your hair. “We’ll have a lot of tree coverage, but better safe than sorry.”

“We’re matching.” You can’t help the teasing smile that took over your lips, heat blooming in your cheeks as you realized you would look like an official couple to any onlookers. Something you had thought about more and more as Frankie filled your thoughts and messages.

“Yeah, would you look at that.” A dimple in his right cheek had you reaching out to caress it, silently thanking him for his thoughtfulness. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted one like mine, but I’m really glad you like it.”

“I do like it! I like matching with you, Frankie.”

His smile was dazzling as he looked back at you over his shoulder. You perked up a little, not wanting him to see the way it was hard to catch your breath or the falter to your steps as your legs began to ache from the incline. The slight brush of the long grass and reaching limbs full of leaves tickled but you tried your best to ignore it, opting to focus on the broad set of shoulders carrying a backpack.

Another bout of time passed, allowing for sweat to dampen your brow and the small of your back. You had removed your overshirt, tying the long sleeves around your waist. The stray pieces of your hair that had escaped from your hat floated around your face as you puffed out a deep breath.

Frankie seemed to pick up the moderate pace he had been keeping, his boots thudding the ground as he turned to pivot from the path as it began to curve.

“Uh, the trail goes that way.” You pointed over your shoulder, having followed the man’s lead regardless.

“I know, got a map in the pack if it makes you feel better.” He tossed you a reassuring smile, over his own shoulder. His eyes alight underneath his cap.

You were about to respond when he took another step and suddenly the trees fell away from around you, leaving you stood on an overlook. Valley open and wide in front of you, the view took your already short breath away. Frankie looked from the view to gauge your reaction. And he broke out into a wide smile as he saw how much you were taken off guard by the beautiful view.

Removing is pack, he set it down and reached to turn you toward him.

“This last month or so has been so amazing. Getting to know you has been some of the best parts of my life, hermosa. I was worried dating again after so long and not even looking for it would’ve been another lesson learned but everything with you is just so….”

“Simple.” You allowed him to caress his hands over the small of your back, your own reaching for his shoulders. The bills of your matching hats bumped, easy laughter bubbling up from you both.

“Simple.” He agreed, tongue swiping out to wet his plush lips. His eyes flicked down to yours briefly and your heart fluttered as warmth blossomed in your chest. Pressing more into his space, your chest bumped his, giving him the nudge he needed to close the gap even more.

Out on that ridge where you never would’ve trekked to on your own, you shared your first of many kisses with the man who had taken you completely by surprise. His lips soft and pliant against yours, his warmth seeping into you much like the sun on your skin underneath the open sky. You were the one to lick into the seam of his mouth, something he readily allowed you to do. The slid of his tongue on yours like heaven.

Breaking away, Frankie peppered kisses over your face. Lips tasting the salt from your sweat but he didn’t seem to mind one bit. Turning side by side, he kept his hand around your waist and you mimicked him.

Maybe hiking wasn’t so bad.

dividers by the lovely @/cafekitsune

taglist: @tuquoquebrute @sawymredfox @jessthebaker @littlemisspascal

#dev writes #fic: coffee and candor #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #francisco morales #frankie morales #frankie morales one shot #frankie morales fluff #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales fanfic #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales fic #fluff #ao3 link #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #first dates #dating

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[soldier-poet-king]

I literally just do not understand how full grown ass adults go thru life like this. 0 self reflection. 0 concern about the impact of their behaviours on others. Continuing said behaviours even when they're pointed out as hurtful. Like????

#the duality of fran #idk its like the every few months i realize i sort of forgive my parents #bc things could be much worse #and they didnt MEAN to be hurtful. theyre just immature and selfish #they're not deliberately being like that #like their behaviour comes from a place of hurt and insecurity #and Yet its been pointed out SOOOO many times how bad it has affected me #and theyre always so guilt trippy woe is me when it's brought up #and maybe theyre trying. but honestly folks???? I DONT SEE ANY PROGRESS #like I cant cut them off i need somewhere to live + need somewhere to fall back on #once i move out. in case yknow. financial disaster (sh we are not thinking about my fears of financial instability that they left me with) #but like. ffs. ffs yall. I AM SO ANGRY #AND HURT #and im tired of being angry and hurt about stuff that isnt ever going to CHANGE #its a wound you know is there but it vant ever heal it just. prods and prods and prods #like the tldr of u can have a severely traumatizing shitty upbringing without ur parents being actually abusive #and it just adds this extra layer of guilt and complicated feelings on top of it all #like #please. just get a fuckin divorce. oh my god. also maybe dont have four kids while barely above the poverty line. #and then harp on your kids for every single perceived flaw or financial burden they incur. just. yknow. a thought

[hellothere-generalangsty]

It's way past my bedtime ans my cat is sleeping-purring next to me but I thought I'd post the process of the @ailani-reillata Ailaniversary art I made today just to talk a bit more about it

Disclaimer: doing traditional art is cool until you need to scan it or post a picture of it 😂 also kinda long post below so ofc no obligation at all to read it!

Phase one: Sketching the Idea

My inspiration for the posture was a Yara Flor comic strip I found on Pinterest. Yara looks over her shoulder and her hair falls on the side of her face, and I loved the way it framed her face and thought it would look great with Ailani's hair.

I drew a little doodle on the page to help me visualize how the hair would be divided, and focused on 3 main parts (the lines, the bubbles, the empty space) which would - supposedly- help me during the lineart stage. Below are images of the final sketch.

I was hesitant on adding details to her arms, such as the folds of a dress, but I was so anxious about ruining the drawing I abandonzd that idea. I was considering adding her tattoos and was still not decided at this stage of the drawing.

Phase 2: Line-ing the Art

Is that even a real word? Idk, I'm too tired to English properly so we will say it is. Following the sketching phase was naturalle the lineart phase, which is one of my favorite stage when drawing. I bought new inking pens too so I was able to test them out, and it went quite well!

As you can see, the ribbons, outline of the skin and facial features have been done with my new pens, and i was quite happy with the result! It gives a more natural look to the whole drawing in my opinion.

At this stage I decided not to add her arm tattoos and consider this version of Ailani as the one you would find in the early chapters of Begged and Borrowed Time, so before she would get her tattoos.

Phase 2.5: Line-ing the Hair

This stage has it's own part because it was really fun to do! The inspiration for the way I draw hair comes from @/ssavaart (aka Scott Christian Sava on Youtube). I've been following him for a while now and I'm trying to push my art beyond my comfort zone and try new stuff thanks to him, and having fun with drawing hair is one of these things!

Look how beautiful these curls are. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm really proud of the drawing at this stage 😂 it's the perfect moment where the inking went well and I have not yet ridked myself with the watercolours - so I always take a long sight (and tons of pictures) to celebrate reaching this stage without incidents.

Phase 3: Watercolours

Here comes the difficult part. It always makes me nervous because I always fear ruining my drawing and all the efforts I put into it by doing the watercolours. But I love the medium too much and if I want to get better I need to practice. So, testing the waters, I finally dive head first into this crucial stage.

The watercolouring goes well, I'm overall satisfied enough to take some pictures and even try to scan it, with the hope that the scanned rendering will be better than the usual "photographing and editing" I do with my phone.

Spoiler alert: the scan was NOT better than the pictures, and no amount of editing could change that. (Or maybe I am just very bad at editing.) So, back to my "photographing and editing" habits, I somehow managed to get a good enough result:

I still feel unsatisfied as I find these digital versions do not properly render the visuals I have on paper, IRL. With the digital versionsw the hair is either so dark we don't see the details, or too bright, the colours are too warm and light... And while Ailani looks light-skinned, the paper version has these visible brown tones that I struggled to find on the digital version, even when editing the pictures. The closest I got is the tone you see on the first picture, but the image is not lighted enough so the overall quality of the picture is a bit lessened by that.

Still, I won't complain too much, because overall it was a very fun drawing to do, I enjoyed every stage of it and I would love to do another piece like this! But for now I will go to sleep because it is Way Past My Bedtime 😂

If you've made it this far, thank you for your attention, feel free to let me know which stage is your favorite and what you liked most (or disliked most) about this drawing!

I for one really had fun doing Ailani's lips, as well as filling her hair, and colouring her eyes! 😊

#ailani #ailani art #I'm tagging just in case you wanna see more but again no obligation to read all of that or anything! #this post is mostly here to show the early stages coz I was so prouf of how smoothly it went!! #until the colours #it's always the colours 😂 #but I hope you enjoyed the drawing anyway #I've actually been working on it last weekend but couldn't finish it until this saturday because of my exams week #which is over btw which means i finally has time to read Begged And Borrowed Time!! #and I'm really excited about that!! #so yeah that's all for me now is time to sleep because it's like 4:19am right now and I am huu tired 😂 #once again happy Ailaniversary 💕💙 #also yes we can't see my signature on the drawings I cut it out by accident when i cropped the pictures and was too lazy to retake pics etc #please pretend like you see my name signed next to her hair x)

[violixs]

hello..

#omg hello tumblr it has been… what feels like years but hi! #i don’t want to say i’m back because very likely i am not :( #but a lot has happened! life update!! #in october (ages ago now right) i had a lot of personal things going on and long story short my mum passed from cancer (it was slightly #expected but never that soon) so obvs that took a big hit! and i also got a bf .. #whom i love very much and i can’t lie to you i have definitely become disconnect from kpop skz ect and as much as i love writing i #don’t know if i could ever see myself writing for them again #sorry to disappoint;( #but i have seen all your lovely asks and reblogs and anons and THANK YOU SO MUCH i cannot describe how grateful i am #to be given feedback like that on something i did as a little hobby makes my very tired heart absolutely beam #i love you all very much and will indeed keep my blog up in case i ever do decide to wriye again #whether it be for skz or just as a little thing i choose to do #nat btw i love u and ur asks made me beam happg new year!!!!!!!!

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

Same person who sent the AF ask. Doctors (specifically cardiologists) almost NEVER catch the heart going wacky when they’re monitoring it. I’m not kidding, it is so rare for them to actually see something while you’re at an appointment that when they do they get excited cause they can diagnose it.

Source: close family had their heart condition caught during a monitoring appointment and the cardiologist lost their shit in excitement and explained how rare it was. Just cause they didn’t see something doesnt mean theres nothing.

As for the sharp pain thing, it’s possible to be a physical symptom of anxiety since I had that. A couple of times in my life when I was really stressed I felt my chest like seize and thought I was having a heart attack but I was fine. I never got any testing done, my doctor called it anxiety but said if it continued it would definitely need to be checked. But the human body is weird. It could be a number of things, just stay vigilant and good luck!

that makes sense, the heart is very finicky. i’ll try to record it myself because i’m genuinely concerned about it even if they said it looks fine. and i plan on meeting with a cardiologist when i can

personally i don’t think it was from anxiety because i was very calm before it happened (was discussing serial killers in my favorite class, so not a stressful environment). but i have been stressed over school and not getting enough sleep so i wouldn’t be surprised. ig we’ll see when i can get an appointment w a cardiologist

thank you!

#ask #this whole thing is kinda scary because i’ve never really had heart issues until that pain and then everything else has been coming and #going since then like that pain kickstarted something #i’m definitely going to monitor things bc data and charts calm me and this is not a very calm thing #i had actually convinced myself that i was going to die and had started writing a will and made a complex system that would help record #my tod if needed and if not it would cancel delivering my will #until i had a sudden realization that that’s an overreaction and i was being paranoid again lmao #i was moving shit around and preparing to stay up all night to listen to my own heart just in case but that was wayyy uncalled for lol #it is my job in life to catastrophize and go to unreasonable lengths for something that’s not real #but boy oh boy am i skilled at getting out of touch with reality #if it weren’t for the fact that i can corroborate the chest pain thing w someone else i would believe u if u told me it’s all in my head #but it is not and i know it’s not so yay for me ig #man i’m so tired rn sorry if nothing i say is coherent

[violetclarity]

gotta love the feature of depression that's like, can't tell if people in my life are actually being annoying or if I'm not handling things well and therefore overreacting to things that would normally not bother me!

#are my friends oversharing without asking and using me as an unpaid therapist #or am I just unable to handle any outside complaints/negativity at this moment no matter how valid #a question I ask myself daily #sometimes it's pretty obvious like I told one of my coworkers today that I was in a car accident this weekend #(it was a fender bender and I am fine) #and her next sentence was about how tired she was etc. until she circled back to asking me about the accident #(you'll notice she has been downgraded from friend to coworker bc she does this shit all. the. fucking. time.) #another friend texted me unprompted about her car issues #and when I responded to commiserate and also told her about the accident #she was surprised that I'd been going fast enough that I was in pain from it #(again I am fine. just sore.) #like in that case I probably shouldn't be pissed that she texted me about her car issues out of the blue #bc we had already talked about it and I do want to be kept up to date on my friends' lives? #this is the story of me at almost 29 realizing that I've let a bunch of my friendships devolve into #me being a receptacle for other people's problems and complaints at all times #and now I don't know how to set boundaries or get myself out of this situation #especially since this is the pattern I've developed with like...most of my friends #it's super cool I don't hate it at all #ask people if they have capacity before you bitch about your life #also if anyone has the lead on a cute cottage in the void where I could just exist and not have to speak to anyone #or have any responsibilities whatsoever #for like a week or two #PLEASE lmk #a bitch needs an actual break

[ablednt]

NPD BPD combo will make you feel like a starving wild circus animal every time you remember other people exist

#ok to rb #vent tw #it's like. we have a member who has NPD proper as cohost now #so our BPD and NPD symptoms have been combined into one worse thing #and it's baby's first Real Narc Crash and Ive been having RSD inflicted panic attacks every day #and I'm getting really fucking exhausted so the point where Im thinking stuff like 'I wish I could kms rn but that'd be too shitty and I #know this shit has to get better eventually because it has before so Im just #trying to relax #and in this case it's not like I have imo a compelling reason like my friends are all paying a proportionate amount of attention to me #to the energy for friends they have to give like I'm not being NEGLECTED #but I am so attention starved it's actually insane #and if it were just that itd be fine but I'm pmsing and Ive been losing sleep #from a mix of medical issues and exotraumatic nightmares #so I'm just. I'm absolutely Fucking Miserable #and its nobodies fault so instead of getting pissed off at someone Im just pissed off at everyone and no one at the same time #I just want to feel special again but its like. even if I DID feel comfortable asking for more attention #1. It wouldn't feel genuine and nothing my friends could easily do would stop it from not feeling genuine #2. I've been cluster B long enough to know that this stuff has to sort itself out naturally #asking for vallidation can be good at the right times but when I'm wanting to rely on it most thats when I need to find something else #but genuinely IDFK anymore man like I'm too tired to do shit I feel like all of my energy this month has been #STOPPING myself from doing stuff so when I try and think about what I actually Want To Do I feel so obstructed and exhausted I feel like #there's nothing fulfilling rn bc my stupid ass brain is like why find joy in anything if everyone hates you and you don't matter #(<- literally no one in my life has even implied this but. that's just how mental illness goes sometimes) #I just need to hang on until this narc crash is over and my friend groups aren't in the middle of like #2 million different things we're all struggling with stopping us from hanging out very much #I do think this happens every winter though #Ironically I love the winter weather and the rain and cold and gray (idk if I have SAD but if I do it's for the summer) #but I never enjoy the season like I want to because it's the most busy time of year so everyone is stressed out and doesn't have much time #to vibe like I want to so I end up just feeling pretty miserable until the slow time of year when people can relax more #It's usually like

[maiaacchiato]

anyhow

#mia's ramblings #you know that analogy of depression #where like the analogy goes smthn like #youre drowning and youre trying to save yourself but no matter how hard you try to make yourself float the currents dont let you escape so #-you just let the ocean engulf you into nothingness because youre so goddamn tired all your efforts are futile and giving up doesnt sound s #-bad if all this comes to an end so you stop trying you stop trying to get to the surface and let the darkness of the ocean's abyss consume #-you #and stuff #take that entire concept #but make it literal #i almost drowned 5 times over the weekend and nearly got killed by a jellyfish i am not okay #like my arms are still dead #my right wrist has carpal tunnel and ive got bruises everywhere swimming out sea is no fucking joke #the amount of rocks ive stepped on that nearly made my foot bleed #but yeah anyways this analogy of depression really stuck to me #the first time i saw this analogy was like 3 years ago and ive never been the same since #i guess in my case on the weekend it was both literal and like. whatever the other word was #i was and am physically And mentally drained from all that #and trying to pull yourself? back to shore? exhausting. never again. #i would give up in like 3 seconds or less if a riptide ever caught me

[bcneheaded]

*screams loudly into an empty paper towel roll*

#( ooc ) #( tbd ) #I AM ALIVE OVER HERE I SWEAR hyujidf apologies for disappearing uwu its been!! very busy!! #much has happened nodnodnod my stanky ass on bOY JUICE NOW HELL YEA #day one baybee lets fuckiN GOOOOOOOO #my tumby hurts where i injected but gtdyhujfd this is fine this is fine #i just hope!! all goes well w no complications ;w; idk if there can be or w/e but god damn i waited literally over a decade for this shit #also!! find that i have more energy but that could be summed up to it being injection day + the anxiety/excitement juhyfugfd we shall see #how it effects my energy levels - hopefully good!! hopefully the brain fog will lift (And i will not get the dreaded #First Week Of T migraines <:' )) bUT YEAH NO IM #super tired ! its been a long day so ill likely not be here today but !! #feel free to message me on discord!! moots are welcome to ask for it <3 #needles tw #iN CASE AA

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

see sometimes I try and think about it all more logically. what if it was all happening to a friend. my friend!! you completely forgot to feed your kitten his wet food for five days? you haven't drunk water for a couple of days? you didn't shower or change your clothes for four days? you've only eaten two actual meals in the last two days? your average sleep in the last week is around five hours? my friend, you need help.

since it's me, I don't need help.

#most of it has been genuine forgetfulness/zoning out and 'oh it's 2am' #but like. last night i was lying awake hungry as anything bc all I had was dinner and not a great deal of that. if id been in a house on my #own i would've hopped up and got smth but i couldn't in case of disturbing grandma #(I have since purchased things that I will store near my bed that I can either take out of there #or leave them there for any such emergencies. if you call them emergencies. sometimes if i can't handle eating normally if i can't see what #im eating i can manage that - makes it less real somehow.) #honestly tho i am shocked by how immediately all my carefully created routines have fallen apart tbh #should i talk to my lecturer at uni who does the 12-2 class? to check she's ok with me eating in class? bc otherwise i will likely not eat #anything before dinnertime. probably skip breakfast #i don't know. i don't know anything. i love my course i love it so much and i don't know how i'll handle it #but i don't think i'd handle not doing it #idk im just so tired man #depression does a number on you frfr #okay that's it im turning on the heater finding some music and doing a lil dance. see if i feel better. maybe try a bit of hot water with #ginger or smth livening in it. i do want to try that. something to wake you up. ive been in a dead depressed limbo for five hours straight #and done nothing of use #tw ed #good news tho i find my anxiousness overall reduces the more depressed i am xD idk why lol #personal #puddleglum hours

[dogbunni]

I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot

#im still SO stressed but that is because i suffer from shit life syndrome and there is little i can do about that #like im in pain all the time and also autistic and also my cat is terminally ill #and also i cant work because of the disabilities so im still living at home with my parents and idk what im going to do with my life #also living with my parents is a special kind of hell no offense to them but 🙃 #so the STRESS #i just realised that i was stressing a little about updating CTTD and i am NAUGHT going to worsen my health over fanfiction #so ive gone on an impromptu tumblr/ao3 haitus #idk when im going to be BACK back #but im still on here reblogging shit sometimes #just not rly making nendo headcanons or screaming in tags #i dont have the energy im SO stressed hahahahaha fuck #i have to get tested for diabetes??? #so my stepdad has been on my case about how much sugar i eat bc i always crave sugar #ive been trying to cut down like ive got zero sugar syrups for my (decaf!!!) coffees #and im trying to eat less chocolate #idk its hard man. my life already sucks and now my mundane little joys are slowly being cut out one by one #idk #anyways thats my life update! #saiki k fandom i love u all and i may not be active or in any of u guys notifs gushing about fan art or neno rn #but KNOW that i am still just as feral about it i am just half dead and so tired i am so sorry <3 #dogbunni diary log

[baekuras]

literally crying waiting in the dentist office because our region wide chef basically acted like i am stupid and unwilling to work after 3 weeks of me being in pain which is now at it's peak

I have a literally open wisdom tooth and a headache on the other side that's also stabbing me open with pain-add to that the brainfog bc uh pain and general nausea

and his first question it to ask me if i hadnt considered taking painkillers

....................

OH NO SORRY YOU OH SO WISE MAN I HADNT CONSIDERED DOING SO FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS I WILL RETURN TO WORK IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIES YOUR MAJESTY

he was upset i dared leave work AFTER finishing everything for the ppl who had appointments today because I hadnt done enough apparently

only the complicated things no one else can or will do (: which was the only reason i even came in in the first place because otherwise I'd have gone to the doctor asap and left my coworkers to bathe the bs storm out (:

#txts #rant #ii only have pain stretching over my jaw into my head and possibly even bothering my neck lol its fine #just for weeks now and today even painkillers cznt stop it completely qnd i am at my limit #and just the pure inhuman disrespect....wow #i know he doesnt value us who actually do the work and bring in money #but still....wow #i am tired and exhausted bc pain so just let me leave to get it fixed #i am fully expecting my wisdom tooth to be pulled #even if it isnt the source of the pain rn #just to prevent future issues bc...tooth meat is exposed #and has been for a while #and i know its infected around it or near it #tbh i dont think the wisdom tooth itself is the issue #but i also dont think i can convince ppl to keep it longer #best case tbh would be an appointment on monday to get that shit delt with and a week off to recover #i can deal w tooth pain i have been doing that all my life #but the uncertainty and pain combinations is just exhausting now #also the disrespect i have just been shown by regio man rly makes me just wanna take sick leave till i legally cant anymore #need a vacation here lol #crying didnt help the headache and i still wanna like #claw my ear insides out and away #but hey...at least we may make progress sooner rather than later

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

[iamjessemccartney]

🙃

#im gonna lose my mind and unfortunately not in a fun way #teacher im interning with texted me earlier telling me not to go in to school today bc she has covid #because ive been with her all week and she hasnt been wearing a mask at all i've been hella exposed #i had to drive to target to get tests because i took the One we'd had left in the pantry. and THEN found out it was expired #soon as i get in my car. turn it on. light that tells me i need air in my tires is on and i mean Immediately #i LITERALLY put air in my tires just under a month ago. i remember this because it was the first day of metro con. #and i did it on the way to the con. dressed as a fucking anime girl. #i decide i dont give enough of a shit about my tires because of that and bc i need to go fucking covid test myself so i drive to target #i park. as i pull into a space i FEEL my car do some fucking stupid shit. i go into the store. i come out. #i get to the first stop sign on my way out of the parking lot and i can tell my car is Sinking down on the front left tire #quarter of the way home my tire is completely flat #i get less than 2 minutes from the house. my car sounds like it's going to explode because im practically driving on my fuckin rims #and i have to call my mom to tail me the rest of the way in case my fucking car blows up or some shit #there was a HUGE fucking tear in my tire. #i take one of my new covid tests. comes back negative. go to sams club (masked) with my parents to get a new tire #i fucking get home and i get reminded of the fact that covid may not be detectable within the first few days :) #which means the plans i'd made for saturday had to be cancelled :) and while they have since been resolved i am Still #Upset #because today has just been BULLSHIT #by FAR i have had worse. but im having this day Right Now. and right now. i am upset.