#and thats on unhealthy obsession

[kaladinkholins]

BRB thinking thoughts about Taigen's character, the TaiMizu ship, and a big chunk of fandom's perceptions regarding both those things.

(Inspired by @farintonorth's post related to this topic that just got my brain going brrrrr)

OK so let me just... start off by saying that I think that reducing stories to their tropes is seriously detrimental to the way some people are interacting with fiction, and while that honestly warrants its own post about the subject, I wanna talk specifically about how this affects the way some people in the fandom talk about Taigen and TaiMizu.

Because yeah, tropes are useful shorthand to refer to certain dynamics or archetypes etc, and they are indeed the building blocks to any story. But in a well-written story, characters and their relationships, actions, and motivations, are much more complex than just tropes. Because in a story that has characters who are more than just cardboard cutouts, their behaviours, backgrounds, motivations and all of that, are inseparable from the context of the overall story they exist in.

So like, sure, you can say Mizu and Taigen have an enemies-to-lovers or rivals-to-lovers dynamic. I also use those terms because it's easier. But I also think this is where things start to get a bit twisted, especially from an intertextual sense. Because "enemies-to-lovers" is also commonly used to refer to other ships in other media, whereby it tends to be rooted in an imbalanced power dynamic, such as oppressor-oppressed and bully-victim.

And while that's a whole can of worms that I won't be getting into because it can quickly derail into a whole separate sort of fandom discourse, I'd just like to make it clear that Mizu and Taigen, in particular, do not have an imbalanced power dynamic. They are not bully-victim or oppressor-oppressed. The only understandable reason why someone might actually think their relationship is imbalanced is if

A) they only watched the first episode, or

B) they cannot grasp the slightest bit of nuance in a character, or

C) they're being obtuse on purpose simply because the Mizu/Taigen relationship, or Taigen's character in general, just doesn't suit their tastes.

While yes, Taigen, along with his whole gang, had bullied Mizu when they were children, that dynamic does not exist between them whatsoever in adulthood. Whatever imbalanced bully-victim power dynamic that had once existed between them was decisively ripped apart the moment Mizu beat him in that duel in the dojo, and then completely obliterated by the end of the season.

Mizu is not a defenseless victim at Taigen's mercy. Mizu can beat Taigen's ass any time she wants (and she DOES, repeatedly in fact), and could even kill him if she felt like it. She taunts him openly and without fear ("I like your hair"; "I can beat you with any weapon you choose") and all he does is bark back, because that's pretty much all Taigen ever does. Time and time again, he yaps about how much he wants to kill her, but time and time again, his actions prove that all of it is just an empty threat. Because though his words say "I hate you", his actions demonstrate the complete opposite. He's shown how protective he is of Mizu, how unhesitatingly he sacrifices himself up for her, how loyal he is in enduring days-long torture to not give up information about her, how even when near-death and in pain, he's still willing to keep standing back up so he can fight by her side and help her win against her enemies.

And Mizu is not an idiot! She sees that too. She does not see him as a threat, an enemy, or even a bully. Especially not by the end of Episode 3, and definitely not by the end of the season. When she finds him in the dungeon in Episode 6, she smiles from relief, and doesn't think twice to take him with her. Mizu finds him, at best, an annoyance, or at worst, an infuriating hindrance on her quest for vengeance. Which is why, when Taigen is about to say, "It's a shame our duel's set for tomorrow; I have to kill you before you get your revenge," Mizu whacks him on the head without a second thought before he can even finish his sentence, and leaves him lying unconscious, face-down, in the snow.

And this further emphasises how he does not hold any power over her. There is no abusive power dynamic between them. She is more powerful than him, he knows this, and all he's ever done after they've met up again in adulthood is get his ass whooped by her, get mad about it and pester her and follow her around, get his ass whooped by her some more, and put his life on the line to protect her.

"OOoooOOoooH b-but he called her a demon at the end of Episode 7 and threatened to kill her again!!!" Oh my god. He called her that because he's calling her out on her selfishness to stay silent about her knowledge of Fowler's plans to attack Edo. Because to him, loyalty and honour as a samurai is more important than anything. So in his own brash-and-immature Taigen way, he felt betrayed that Mizu did not hold the same principles. That's why he got angry. He wasn't even that mad about letting Akemi get dragged off by the Tokunobu guards. It was about saving the Shogun and the Shogunate as a whole. That's why the first thing he does in Edo is not find Akemi, but try to warn the Shogun about Fowler's attack.

Look, I'm not defending his stupid ass, of course. Because calling her a demon especially after their cute little wrestling time was obviously rude and inappropriate, especially since words like "demon", "monster" and "Onryo" have had such a deep effect on Mizu throughout her life, and continue to contribute to her self-hatred. But like? That's the fun of realistic and flawed characters, and realistic and flawed relationships. They're not perfect, and it's why we as an audience root for them, wanting to see them work through their shit and find a way to prevail despite it all.

Also, him saying that was in the heat of the moment. He was angry, he felt like his initial belief of who Mizu was—a strong and loyal samurai, just like him—was shattered, and so he lashed out. Was it rude? Definitely. Was it immature of him? Yes, incredibly. But it's also very much in line with his character, because even though he's grown a lot over the course of the season, the show isn't over yet, so obviously his character arc is just beginning, as that is also the case for the other three main characters: Mizu is beginning to accept herself, Akemi is beginning to grow into her position of power, Ringo beginning to train under Master Eiji, while Taigen is beginning to simply be a better person.

On that note, when speaking of Taigen's immaturity, I think that's also one of the main things that people tend to gloss over when it comes to his character. Because when you boil everything down to its bare essentials, Taigen is, essentially, a boy. I've talked about this before, but to reiterate, Taigen very much behaves like an unhealed child. Even as an adult, he is insecure, prone to throwing tantrums, and is desperate to latch onto some material goal in hopes that it will make him feel better—initially he was chasing status/glory/greatness, and then when Mizu tells him that "Nothing comes from being a samurai but death," he immediately decides he wants to run away with Akemi in hopes that he will be happy.

And it's a big step, acknowledging that he doesn't truly want greatness, but had always just assumed it was his only path to a good life. But it's clear he still hasn't really figured it out. Because if he did run off with Akemi to get married and live in the countryside, he still wouldn't be happy. Because he still doesn't know who he really is, or what it is he really wants. Marriage at this moment is the last thing he needs, and as he is now, he would be a pretty awful husband. A simple life would be good for him, but would he be good at a simple life, when he still has so much he needs to work through?

So anyway, what I'm getting at here, is that he's trying and he is learning and growing. So yeah, he is flawed, but honestly? So is Mizu. And the funny thing is that they're flawed in very similar ways.

Because Mizu is also an unhealed child. That's why she's so angry all the time. That's why she pushes people away. That's why she, just like Taigen, is so happy when given the chance to playfully wrestle in the forge, laughing and rolling around like children without shame or pretense.

Again, this shows there is no imbalance between them. They had grown up together as peers from the same town. And while Taigen had had the upper hand back then, because he'd had a gang of other kids with him, that is definitely not the case anymore. Today, they are equally flawed, equally strong, equally skilled swordsmen, and equally bull-headed.

However, yes, Mizu is definitely leagues more mature than Taigen. But she still holds a lot of childhood wounds that mirror Taigen's own. And we see this especially in relation to her mother. Similar to Taigen who had an abusive and alcoholic father, Mizu's Mama was an opium addict and had hit her, berated her, had shaved her head without her consent as a child, and as an adult, had constantly emotionally manipulated and guilt-tripped her. Mizu's love for her Mama was what had driven her to a path of vengeance in the very beginning. And when she'd found out Mama was still alive, she had wanted nothing more than her Mama's love, and it was this alone that pushed her to agree to the marriage with Mikio in the first place. And now, knowing from Fowler that her birth mother is someone else entirely, is what makes her agree to keep him alive and haul his ass to London to seek answers.

Thus, integral to Mizu's self-hatred is also Mizu's intense longing for love and family. Just like Taigen, whose pompousness comes from his insecurity about being the son of a poor fisherman, Mizu's goals are also shaped by who her parents are. Remember, her vengeance is not against just anyone who's corrupt or evil, but specifically against the men who she believes had assaulted her mother, the men she believes had made her a monster, the men she believes had abandoned her to die and continue to try to kill her. Her vengeance is against a father, on behalf of a mother. In The Tale of the Ronin and the Bride, Mizu is not merely the Ronin, the Bride, or the Onryo, but also the Child.

This is also why Ringo is so good, not only for Mizu, but for Taigen as well. Ringo is wise and caring and considerate, but above all, he is in tune with his inner child in ways that Mizu and Taigen are not. He is always earnest and positive, he sees the world with childlike wonder, but is not naive or blind to its ugliness. His whole life has been a battle. Ringo brings out the best in Mizu, consistently acting as her moral compass and conscience, and Mizu's choice to save Akemi in the final episode is only because she promised Ringo that she would. Because it's the right thing to do. Ringo inspires her to be a better person, and to think outside of her narrow-minded goal of revenge. At the same time, Ringo also brings out the best in Taigen. While at first Taigen had looked down on both Mizu and Ringo ("Half-limb to a half-wit"), by the end of the season, he's proud to have Ringo as a friend and ally, he listens to Ringo's advice ("What would Master do?"), and asserts to the fucking Shogun that Ringo is a worthy warrior to have by his side.

Okay, I've gone on a bit of a tangent here, but my main point is that Mizu and Taigen are incredibly similar. They are equals. They are both flawed, unhealed children who are chasing some impossible outlandish goal in hopes that it will fill the void in their hearts. They also both have a long way to go in terms of character development if they were to ever build a healthy romantic relationship (either with each other, or even with anyone else). So while I believe things will be rocky (because duh, it's a story, we all live for the drama, etc), I think with Ringo's help, they'll get there eventually.

#blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai meta #mizu x taigen #taigen x mizu #taimizu #taigen blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #meta dissertations.pdf #im not a taigen defender. but i AM a taimizu truther #wank.mp3 #sorta #fandom.rtf #shut up haydar #like i KNOW we all love mizu and want her for ourselves but cmon. let's be real here for a second. #ahem. hear ye! put down the delulu for a mere moment! #and ask thyself. why am i beefing with this pathetic bald man? a man who is the definition of a wet rat? #thus. my brother in nerd ass shit. i beg thee put down thy weapon. this man is not worth beefing with! he is literally... just some guy. #yes...he is bitchy. however! he is also a loser obsessed with mizu. remember this. he is not thine enemy. but simply...one of us. #also lmao like jokes aside lemme be clear. you ARE ALLOWED to hate taigen and taimizu all you like!!!! feel free to do so!!!! #but please just acknowledge it's like. a preference thing. like it's just not your cup of tea! thats A-OK! #but please dont insist that the ship is toxic unhealthy abusive etc #but if you still feel the need to do so. then for the love of god just tag your posts as anti-[insert whatever here] so it helps ppl mute #i knew how to tag shit as anti-makorra since i was fourteen! 😭 like it's basic courtesy cmon

[kurokrisps]

Wait people actually think Jack's a good person I thought that was just a joke?

#allow me to be srs/ on my /hj #i doooont like what the fandom is turning out to beee #yes the non/dub-con makes me uncomfy but that just comes with the whole (gestures) territory #we can dance around the 'he does it cus he love you' junk for Eons that mug is still gonna be a cold blooded KILLER #thats its whole THING. #one of the things I've grown to love abt YanHorror is the unsavory territory writers tackle. #if someone takes on an unhealthy obsession with someone they gon do Some Shit #Y'all can't cherry pick this shit. even if ur OK with that content or pick a yes route #the mug will still do bad shit and it will still be Uncomfy to watch #Boyfriend To Death and POF i think handles this particular thing the best #makes me sqeamish as hell but the realness 👌 #anyway. if i have to wait around a year for a 25 dollar horror game that doesn't have horror bc y'all can't take when a bad person is Bad #I'll come into ur home and make you watch all seasons of AHS and other Ryan Murphy shit. ya get me? #sunny day jack

[veronicathegoddess]

guys that think you're hot when you're just a lil crazy so they tell you about that girl from work who hit on them just to hear you say "i'll kill her" before you push them onto the bed and start riding them, biting their neck and whispering "you're mine" over and over

#girls like this #are so hot to me #once its not in an unhealthy way obvs #who am i lying to #it being unhealthy will not stop me #and she'll probably be hotter #...thats concerning but anyways #im obsessed with this concept #mine #gender neutral

[sexysilverstrider]

honestly as much as arven is the most traumatic rival so far and is canonically clingy towards protag its funny to me that kieran is still labelled as the yandere among all rivals

#i mean. arvens clinginess is like a puppy dog #like he will stick around u and bark at people trying to get close to you #but he wont lets say. lock you up and have pictures of you pasted on a wall #unlike. kieran #not saying kieran canonically did but mr crazy eyes has potential #also after the whole ogerpon shtick his obsession over aoi is just unhealthy #to a point where he drains himself n everyone around him #like yes after all is said and done he became better and back to his soft self #but thats just yandere after therapy #kieran is kanato if kanato wasnt deranged lmao #fafar yaps #about pokemon

[cheswirls]

hhhhhhhhhhhh saboace royalty au. ace was crown prince but can’t use magic which is necessary to become king, so he renounces his title and becomes infamous for his eccentric tendencies to play up the illusion that he’s truly not meant for the throne and that his younger sibling has full rights to the title of heir.

sabo is born to a family serving in the royal court, has been a genius magician since he was a child, and is the perfect example of a young man fully educated to serve at the king’s side. which is why he’s allowed himself to be tied down into a loveless political engagement with the king’s heir, putting the whims of his family before his own and resigning himself to become the future ruler’s consort/spouse to legitimize his role as an advisory right-hand man.

but then the heir grows rebellious and denounces the engagement with sabo in public and ace swoops in to save the day (and sabo’s reputation), demanding his father give sabo to him instead. he steals sabo away and challenges his sibling’s right to the throne, intent on earning back the title not for himself, but so he can make sabo (who is heavily qualified to rule) the king - and since they’ll be wed, no one will be able to undermine sabo’s position as he will technically be part of the monarchy that governs the kingdom.

#op #i…aaaaaaaaaaaa iykyk but if you dont small tangent story time #i asked friends for magical show recs w unique magic concepts bc i decided to set the #toxic codependent forever-bond in a fantasy au so i can make it be a set of self-inflicted curses #the only free time i have is walking to and from work so ive been scribbling notes on my phone #thinking of what type of magic system to have for this one was becoming a distraction #esp since the focus rly isn’t on magic itself and only on aspects of the bond that show how unhealthy it is #instead of obsessing over it more i decided to have someone decide for me #flash forward one of them brings up using the fantasy yuri anime that came out early this year #then proceeds to give me the rundown of all seven published light novels until i cave and watch the pilot episode #its SO good i actually watched 2 and love anis and euphie and will definitely be reading the LN over winter break #also completely snapped me away from the au bc i am so in love w this now #went in to ep 1 with misconstrusions and fell halfway thru screaming this is so saboace core and i have a halfbaked plot at the ready #thinking smth smth sabo visits the palace to get acquainted w/ fiancee and makes fast friends w/ ace #then they realize they have legit feelings for each other and the whole thing was gonna be a play #on the steals-partner-from-sibling trope that i jus loosely dreamed up bc algard reminded me of sabo and then i couldnt not think of them #but then i finished the ep and went OH it went down like that!!!! thats brutal. and then i changed it #and then i watched ep 2 and changed it further based on glossed-over advanced plot knowledge #bc the solution to algard feeling pressure from a title he never wanted and anis rejecting it in the first place #is obv (in this very yuri-centric fantasy novel) to make euphie queen instead and legitimize it by her marrying anis #and then i hyper projected that onto saboace bc i love them so #yessa after letting me ramble abt this so i could resist the urge to furiously jot down notes: i think val made you worse actually #(shes not wrong also val responding w ‘lmao wlw wins again’ and nothing else had me in stitches #best/worst influence it is 5am and i have done nothing for my studio class yet am having the time of my life) #curse of the average hobbyist writer to always have good ideas when there is no time no breathe life into them #writing

[pftones3482]

Marinette was not almost akumatized because she had a crush on Chat Noir and it didn't work out.

She was akumatized because people kept telling her how she should feel.

First Alya (and lowkey Tikki, who never tried to defend Marinette's feelings), telling her over and over that she was just trying to get over Adrien by using Chat. Then Andre, who was adamant that because of his "magic love ice cream" (seriously how does this man still have a business????), it was destined for Ladybug and Chat to be together, and she HAD to be with Adrien.

And then here comes Chat who, from her perspective, is telling her that they can't be together because she loves him like a fan, and he thinks he's taking advantage of her.

Of course, the audience and Marinette both know this isn't true - Chat Noir is, first and foremost, one of her best friends. But he doesn't know that.

And the audience also knows what Marinette doesn't: that Chat Noir is a celebrity in both his daily life and his superhero life. It was no mistake that the way Chat got to Marinette's balcony was through being chased by rabid fans of both Chat and Adrien. The creators of the show wanted us to see the connection Adrien made between how the fans treated him and how he thinks Marinette sees him, because he doesn't know she knows him personally.

Marinette, of course, knows none of this - she just knows how she feels, and god, doesn't it fucking drive you batshit when people keep invalidating how you feel because they think they know better than you?

#miraculous ladybug #all that being said man i kinda hate andre lmao he needs to chill tf out #it's kinda weird he gets so obsessed with people's love lives that he gets akumatized over it #oh my god andre is one of those people who has unhealthy parasocial relationships holy shit #like bruh almost murdered a 15 year old bc she was getting in the way of his otp thats.....kinda gross

[littlegingermochipie]

AAAAAAAAADfagshdjsjsjskdkdgs I love you so much your art is heaven i want to tattoo in on my forehead you make my little indian heart screeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmm please never stop drawing i'll sell my kidneyyyy sjsggsjshshsjskla

and i'll tattoo this ask/submission into my heart!!! aaaaaaa dear anonie tysm for the appreciation! ;w; indian cultures deserves only the best in its depiction, being the major religious, architectural, language and cultural influence of my nation ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ my brain and muse lights up the brightest whenever i seek inspirations from india ₊˚✧ am going to submit contents again for the annual @zukaangweek pls look forward to all the great artists/writers/content creators !! bit busy being a corporate slave but aint gon stahp drawing fo sho <3 <3 <3 again, tysm anonie!!

#chimochiask #chimochi.txt #reaadyy for zukaang as always this yearr #and the glittery + colorful scenes of indian setting!! aaaAaaaAA the prettiesttt alwayss #anonie u gotta know i have unhealthy obsession in listening to bollywood songs since i was a kid kasdjsdhji #imagine still listening to maar dala after 27 years of living thats how legendary indian music is!!!

[snobgoblin]

i think a little obsession is good for you actually

#looked up the symptoms of love to make sure Im Acting Normal #particularly ive been concerned with the shortness of breath thing but thats normal apparently #anyway obsession was listed as unhealthy......... nahhhh i do not see it

[itsva1]

Husbands

Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls

#Venting!!!!!!!! #im just venting idk im tired i have gym everyday and gym gives me massive anxiety so yayy #im kinda just making up for lost time specifically cuz it was around people im not comfortable witb #my family i mean #i was so sore when i got done i had to move a shit ton of furniture and i hit my head on a dresser #im just watching timtoks to make myself cry because i haven't properly cried in like 6 months and with my fucking life thats unhealthy :D #my cat died on Christmas eve aswell!!! #anyway yeah husbands #they're literally orbs from a childrens video game i am 15 i am a sophomore this is stupid stupid fuckin penguin i hate him #no i dont i love him #DOMT WVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ENO BITCH HE HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME #THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE 2 YEARS IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HIM I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY EVERYDAY #i have issues #i just realized i misspelled emo im so tired im not rewriting that im talking bout mk he matches my other intersts more thats why i love him #one of my favorite childhood movies is interview with the vampire ofc i love him #im gonna eat ramen and prepare myself to lie to the nurse tomorrow cuz im not going to gym #i have the biggest urge to just keep thping if only i had this spark in school i hate my brain bro

[gibbearish]

yknow what bugs me is when ppls criticism of YA media boils down to them just not knowing how teenage crushes work

#'bella being depressed because edward wasnt at school is unhealthy obsession' no that's called having a crush #'him asking her out by them hearing a rumor saying theyre dating and bella going 'what should i say' +him responding 'well i guess you could #tell them yes. yknow just because its easier' is lame and boring' are you kidding me i ate that shit up at that age #when two shy awkward people flirt thats how you end up in a relationship is you both kind of just sidle your way up to it #and i dont even feel like that one contributes to like 'things abt him that arent necessarily red flags on their own but as a whole point to #bad things' like. from what i gathered feom the movie bella did not seem like the type to like some big first move #like. shes an emo bruh girl. if it wasnt some sort of edgy teenage heartthrob performance then shed just brush him off like #every other Conventionally Attractive Dude™ falling all over her #ppl keep acting like her not going for every other dude who wants her is a character flaw or bad writing but. like #literally just have you ever met a depressed teenage girl. #shes Not Like Other Girls™ and finds regular guys who express emotions in regular ways boring #her wanting him over every other bland boring safe guy she could have in an instant isnt a plot hole‚ its characterization #also i disagree with the vibe that she's just a blank slate like. as someone who was a depressed teenage girl #she didn't come across as blank to me #she came across as. depressed and emo and trying so very hard to look cool and mysterious at all times and had #spent her life up to that point praying to find out magic was real and could whisk her away into a life of adventure and romance and drama #you look me in the eyes and tell me that girl didn't spend middle school chewing through every book she could get her hands on #as fast as possible. #idk #origibberish

[pessimisticprincess]

today i’m thinking about how i truly don’t think i could ever believe anyone could just only see me and have me as theirs and that actually be enough ever again

#there will always be something better #and thats why i’m so fucking toxic and unhealthy and better off staying far away from relationships forever #its not ever going to be fair to project all this on anyone trust seems so far away from me #i just romanticized being in love and obsessed for too long it truly gave me brain damage #its so unrealistic to think what i want could ever exist for me #anyways i need to go back to bed

[simmaster]

when i first watched thirteen’s era i didn’t care that much about thasmin but during my rewatch i’ve become fully on board now that i see that they’re not uwu space gays like many say that they are but instead codependent toxic yuri which i will always be an enjoyer of

#i wish people would stop making lesbian ships and relationships in general always be ‘’soft’’ and cute and perfect #thasmin is unhealthy (like most doctor/companion ships) and messy and thats what makes it fun and interesting #i loveeee when companions are so devoted to the doctor that it becomes obsessive #when yaz slept on a tardis floor for ten months and spent every second trying to figure out how to get back the doctor was so good #micah.txt #whoposting

[feraecor]

Zibrei's Flight: Mindi

Kre'fel'dohiik Mindo'ulan, The Mongrel. He is Zibrei's right hand, her dog, her follower. While she would willing do all the work herself, why should she need to when her trained dog with bite and rend for her?

The same age as Zibrei but raised in a vastly different environment, Mindi was a feral minded beast no one could control. When sent to kill Zibrei by his father and his followers, Zibrei proved she was stronger and showed him mercy after their brutal fight. Mindi realized he never wanted to leave her side and proved his loyalty by bringing Diyei his father's head.

Mindi was the first thing that Zibrei ever asked Diyei to keep, the first thing she asked of him except for vengeance. Who was Diyei to deny his daughter when she clearly had some type of control over the feral Rhoa'ni?

Inseparable ever since.

Mindi is still on the feral side with a tendency to bite first and let others ask the questions. While it took him a bit to adopt the other flight members as they came around, his loyalty shifted to encompass the group and whoever Zibrei deemed family. Any perceived threat is wearily assessed and dealt with if need be.

Superior genetics don't always mean fantastic results. Mindi is a failed experiment in selective breeding, his magic as unstable and explosive as his mind. Because he has little to no control over it, he has to spend equal amounts of time in his Rhoa'ni form as he does in his gifted human form to balance out the volatile nature.

At 6'8", he's a veritable giant , towering even over Diyei. Keeping up with Zibrei in training means his body is heavily muscles while remaining coiled for aggression and agility. His blue hair is tamed into some style, preferring to keep it short and out of the way. His one concession is a low ponytail in the back that Hii'rolaa and Lova'kiir begged him to keep long. While in his human form, his only Rhoa'ni features as his fangs, claws and armored ridges, preferring his wings and tail away for ease of movement.

#{Mindi -headcanon-} #~Mindi is a feral mess and only his flight can do anything with him #~but if Zibrei tells him to do something #~he's gonna do it #~thats his unhealthy obsession right there ok?

[cadaverousdecay]

i finally finished my playlist for obsessive love. i might end up tweaking it a little but i think im finally satisfied with the order. im going to explain it a little because ive been thinking on't for awhile and i looooove to explain things <3

so it starts out with the meeting in hello, i love you. this starts the "love from afar" section or stalking songs. its very poppy and i tried to intersperse pop with alternative for texture. but even the lightest sounding ones have sinister undertones. its laying the groundwork.

then it hits tear you apart, "first encounter". from here it enters what i like to call the sweet spot of "i love you so much i'll do anything for you" with #1 crush. this however quickly devolves into a "i love you so much i'll do anything."

threats of violence emerge in saccharine and rid of me, and by then any genuine care for the other person has faded entirely. this is pure bloody infatuation. passionate. all consuming.

then comes the "possession" or kidnapping section. ive included stalkers tango in this section because although it has stalking in the title it fits quite neatly here with the psychological torment trying to convince the victim that the love is requited.

and finally, with the red means i love you, we hit the crime of passion. bloody bloody murder. the obsessed has killed their lover. and they will do it again, over and over and over with the finale, drowning lessons.

hope you enjoy

#anyway. i really love this playlist <3 #you dont HAVE to listen to it in order but i do recommend #i might rb and add a quote from each of the songs too‚ but this post is getting long #also i think im going to change the picture‚ thats just a stand in of a pic i took #and i think im gonna keep the wuthering heights placeholder quote cuz it has the right vibes im going for #oh and disclaimer in case this reaches tumblrs out of my circle that yes i know this is unhealthy this isnt a romanicization #this playlist is founded in horror‚ this behavior is fucked up irl‚ etc etc #i love to explore concepts of obsessive fucked up love <3 thats why my favorite novel is wuthering heights #okay! i think that about does it. heres my playlist <333 #Spotify

[starryoak]

It really sucks to comment on a post in a mildly joking or even entirely sincere manner and immediately get blocked. I absolutely realize people block other people on this website at the drop of a hat, but as an autistic person with scrupulosity my immediate reaction is that I would like to be able to tell someone I’m sorry for dropping the hat in the first place and that I didn’t mean to be rude.

Like, I’m not even saying it because I feel the need to be unblocked! I just need to tell them that it wasn’t meant to be annoying or rude, and I don’t hate them or anything. I mean, I can’t say it’s healthy that my OCD compels me to want to be unblocked and absolved for all my ‘sins’, but I can live with it and I’m fine with just feeling a little pang of sadness when I’m unable to like a post. I’m working on not having that happen either, but it’s very hard work, unlearning everything your brain as it was naturally made says you should feel.

And it’s just frustrating to me because it shows that even after near meteoric improvement in my social skills as I’ve gotten older (and also medicine), that it’s still hard for me to successfully assess social situations and comedy on a website where being rude is taken as funny over 75% of the time but there’s that other 25%… I often do literally add “(I am exaggerating for comedic effect”) as to make it more clear that this is intended as comedy, and… I guess it’s odd to me that’s treated as suspicious or something? Like, that nobody takes anyone else in good faith? I understand it’s a fools effort online, but I do genuinely try to be entirely sincere in my interactions online.

Like the automatic assumption that I’m not engaging sincerely when I’m trying to signal the exact opposite is both understandable and completely frustrating,

Just.. it’s like. People mock you if you engage with something sincerely, they mock you if you try to fit in, they mock you if you’re too rude, too nice, it feels frustrating when it feels like no matter what I do or whether I point out I am making a joke and not serious or play it straight, that I can’t get it right.

It’s not even about being blocked, really, (I’m lying my OCD hates it), it just hurts being confronted with the fact I’m almost two and a half decades into life and I still fail at basic social interaction despite my best efforts and despite the fact that I really am trying.

#to be clear #i am aware this is an entirely unhealthy emotional reaction #thats why all my conditions are called ‘disorders’ lmao #i just needed to be sad and hurt a little #that honest communication online is so impossible #it does make sense but I just hate that there’s no societies out ther #(to my limited knowledge) #that like just practice being entirely emotionally honest in conversation #so saying something about how you intend something to be received is perceived as bad faith #autism #actuallyautistic #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #scrupulosity #moral scrupulosity #this technically is a vaguepost about a mildly (at least in my eyes) rude comment on apoll that I did say I was exaggerating for comedic eff #and realize afterward my comment had been deleted and I was blocked #i don’t blame them btw #i can see how it was a rude comment #but I intended it to come off as the standard tumblr playful rudeness given I said it was made in jest #and clearly it must have been more rude than I thought #vent #blocking #to be clear no one needs to feel bad about blocking me hahaha #im just severely mentally ill lmao

[strwbrymlkshake]

LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND

#mine #🎸 #vibrating at immense speeds rn ajskwkfllflwncf the MOST THE MOST ever #the only thing in your mind i need to be the BEST the most loved augh im not doing anything wrong but its still not ENOUGH #why cant i be satisfied. but at the same time LOVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE EXISTS #i need to add more fuel to the fire of our love but i dont know what to do exactly... clearly mentioning the issue didnt work #idk i literally want him to kill me or something i need to be consumed by love. ah all of our mutual friends are quickly going to #learn how fucking mentally ill i can get. im not ready for them to but if hes telling them these things then theyre gonna KNOW #love me more more more i thought you used to be scared of how much you loved me. obsess over me again!!!!!! #if im not the one doing anything wrong what is the problem. what is preventing you from loving me the most you possibly can!!! #if its something with me I'll just kill that part of me. ugh he wouldnt want me partaking in unhealthy thoughts like this #so what is there to do? i need to drown in the grain silo of love. there isnt enough to drown in rn though... i cant just #make him love me more. an evil oriented solution would be to make everyone hate him so he just loves me but thats a horrible thing to do #and id feel bad about it forever. so im not gonna do THAT i want him to be happy. but even when hes happy he isnt loving me intensely #i need to be desired i need to be ripped open like a phone book –_– #everyone is learning how insane abt him i am and its kind of embarrassing. well my feelings i guess. it is embarrassing to have feelings #if this whole situation was an asmr youd be listening to it willingly. but its NOT arent you supposed to like me like this #im overthinking this hes probably just depressed which is making it difficult to be insane