#and the 'cleansing' was self destructive behavior

[dollsuguru]

Request: Getou feels bad for secretly liking Gojo’s gf and making excuses to touch her.

the enormity of my desire disgusts me.

contents: f!reader, one-sided love, obsession, cursing, touching (not unwanted but the intention is unbeknownst to reader as geto makes it a point to always want physical contact w them), mentions of self-destructive behaviors, guilt, & delusions. w.c: ~ 2.3k

a/n: hi! tysm for requesting :’) this is my first ever request/first time writing so please bear w me & i hope you enjoy! constructive criticism is totally welcome! <3

guilt creeps up suguru’s throat like a slithering serpent.

it crawls around the base of his tongue, writhing farther down, embedding its fangs into the flesh of his throat. a raw, mangled, bloody mess left in its wake.

remorse, witnessing the disarray that guilt’s plight leaves, frantically tries to discern where a home can be made. perhaps it can dance along his ribcage. pirouetting across his bones until it reaches a bloody cavern where it can dwell within a hole burrowed deep inside suguru’s heart.

maybe all of this despair can be washed away… a desire to cleanse his palate & purge his feelings away persists, yet he doesn’t allow himself the reprieve.

instead, he decides to swallow his shame down like a bitter whiskey, relishing in the thorn-like pin prickles. the harsh amber reflecting in his fatigued, glassy eyes.

the ache serves as a reminder.

suguru figures that the sharp gnawing pain that spikes his heart & torments his throat is the very least he deserves.

his therapist did say he had a tendency to wallow in his self-destructive thoughts. delude himself & cyclically make bad choices which turned into bad habits. but what’s another bad decision to him? a pyromaniac to his very core; suguru would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy playing with fire.

allowing himself a moment of respite, he fishes out a cigarette he stole out of shoko’s purse from the left pocket of his leather jacket. a silver heart-shaped vivienne westwood lighter in the right. he takes it out, rolling it softly in his warm palm, lackadaisically playing with the switch. imagining the cold metal were your cold hands instead, his own seeking to offer up warmth for your comfort. he gazes softly at the flame; flickering on and off. on and off. on and off. a burning fire reflected in his eyes. a burning desire razing his heart.

the whole world in the palm of his hands — the heart you presented to him.

(a gift from you to him — you begged him to quit smoking, it was bad for his health and you wanted him to be there in the future as best man at yours & satoru’s wedding. with a tight-lipped smile & crinkled eyes, he said he would.

always the deceiver.

you lit up, gaze softening while telling him to specifically use this lighter to light up the teakwood candle you bought him for his birthday. his smile turned fond, eyes crinkled softly with genuine mirth & adoration, he said he would. and he did.

always the sentimentalist.)

bringing the cigarette to his lips, he exhales a puff of smoke, allowing his low-lidded gaze to flit across the room. the warm lights illuminating the grungy bar, a favorite of nanami’s & shoko’s.

he reminisces on the days where both of you would talk for hours. from deep conversations about space, morality, your futures & pasts, to asking each other about what food you’d eat for eternity (cold zaru soba noodles for him, any form of potato for you), savory or sweet (both of you chose savory — suguru relishes in the fact that he has a connection with you on this), & if you two would still be best friends if the other one was a worm (both of you answered yes — you’d build a terrarium where wormguru could play & suguru would keep you in his pocket not caring if he’d be dubbed the weirdly hot worm-man.) from the serious to the silly, suguru felt his chest bloom with tender warmth. from the bottom of his heart, he knows that in this world and any others, he could truly be himself with you.

a soft sigh escapes him, a small smile gracing his face thinking about his memories with you. calling the bartender over for another drink after he downs his whiskey, he drawls out, “give me somethin’ sweet.”

he turns back around to the crowd of strangers, unintentionally smiling. he finds a few pretty boys & girls gawking at him, hyping themselves and each other up to go talk to him. he sees a few more pretty boys & girls looking away from his intense gaze, too shy to go up to him, praying instead that he’ll go to them.

the grin that previously took residence on his face falters. he finds himself upset that they’d think his smile was reserved for any one of them. none of them pique his interest per usual, & he hopes that the bags underneath his eyes, his myriad of piercings & tattoos, chipped black nail polish, and overall resting bitch face will stop anyone from coming near him.

(he knows it won’t. people often went after suguru and not satoru. he was always more caring, more in tune with his emotions with an air of magnetic mystique, unlike his brash, loud, & arrogant counterpart.)

suguru intakes a sharp breath, surprising himself with the haughty & bitter thought against his best friend, quickly washing it down with a sweet daiquiri hoping to honey the words in both his throat & mind, while simultaneously praying that it would soothe his heart.

slightly more alert, his gaze wanders around the room again. tired eyes widening slightly, lighting up greatly when he sees you.

there you were in all of your glory.

sitting leisurely, a leg swung upon the other, arm resting over the back of the tattered red vinyl couch, the very same one you both had countless conversations on. how were you so effortlessly cool? you could do anything and suguru would revel in it — drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

and like a moth, he found himself gliding across the bar towards you, his feet moving faster than his brain. his body demanding that it be near you, that it be graced with your presence. with a flick of his ring-clad fingers, his cigarette is crushed underneath his black boots. a piece of strawberry gum is popped inside his mouth along with another reapplication of vanilla lip balm to his lips to make sure that you knew they were soft to the touch.

with his heart beating ridiculously fast, he takes a deep breath before he stands in front of you, your perfume enveloping his senses making him slightly delirious from how delectable you smell. he prays that the blush dusting his cheeks fools you into thinking that he just drank too much; that it’s not because of you peering up at him through your lashes with your pretty eyes that are now affectionately directed towards his own.

“yo! suguru! long time no see!” you wave as you get up to greet him, a massive grin overtaking your face, eyes almost crinkled shut because you’re so excited to see one of your best friends.

without warning, suguru envelops you into a tight hug. his left hand placed against your lower back while his right hand cradles your head against his chest, your cheek pressing against his beating heart. suguru places his chin on the top of your head, craning his face slightly to get a whiff of your shampoo, ghosting a faint kiss on your hair that he knows you don’t feel, relishing in this moment with you. for a few seconds he can pretend… he deserves that much at least, he figures.

he could stay holding you in his arms forever, your body pressed up against his, protecting you from everything & everyone bad in this world, shielding you from predatory eyes around the bar. fucking wolves, the lot of them — suguru contemptuously thinks. it’s a good thing you’re here in his arms, suguru muses, confident in his ability to keep you safe.

as quickly as that thought dashes through his brain, you pull away. not wanting to alarm you with his panic that you’d leave him, a tight grip stays around your waist, forcing you to sit back down. he positions himself right next to you, his thighs touching your own, his right arm draped across your shoulder.

something that you can consider friendly.

something that he can consider more than that.

affectionate, no matter which way you take it.

“it’s been a while.” a fond smile beams across his face, bright amber eyes desperately glazing over your face. you’re so close to him and he’s so attentive to you, he imagines that the boy across the bar must think you both look like a couple. the pleasure suguru derives from that thought is second to none. you do look like you’d be his. he’s certain that he looks like he’d be yours, if his devoted nature is anything to go by.

he takes a a few strands of your hair, twirling them slightly around his fingers. “what are you doing here anyways? i wish i saw you before, we could’ve hung out!” suguru teasingly pouts, lips slightly jutted out, his eyes twinkling with playful mirth.

“tell me about it,” you playfully whine. “thankfully i just got here so we have plenty of time to hang out! don’t worry, i’ll make up for it so you can forgive me.”

“you never have to apologize for anything.” seriousness takes over his tone. suguru doesn’t want you to ever feel bad, even as a joke. not wanting to make you uncomfortable with his tense energy, he eases up his features and winks, “don’t worry your pretty little head about it, i’ll let you off the hook this time.”

you bark out a laugh which makes him elated, glad that he was able to make you smile. “sugu, you’re way too sweet! and ooh — you asked what i was doing here! toru wanted to chill out here for a bit, said if he didn’t get to drink a virgin piña colada right this second he’d faint.” you gaze around the bar, muttering under your breath, “he should be on his way here soon…”

right… satoru.

suguru feels his mouth get dry by the second, a venomous pang of guilt daggers his heart. his eye twitches along with his fingers, wondering if he should take his arm off of you.

if satoru saw this would he just consider it friendly touching? would he think that suguru was trying to make the moves on you? would he scream in his face about how can his best friend stab him in the back this way? the bitter taste of betrayal coats suguru’s tongue like a curse, and before he can do anything about it, a big SMACK! on his shoulder wakes him out of his trance.

“SUGUUUUUUUU! I MISSED YOUUUUUUU!” satoru bursts out onto the scene loudly, holding both your & suguru’s shoulders from behind the couch, bringing you two towards each other in a massive hug. with satoru’s face in the middle, smooshing both of your & suguru’s cheeks against his, suguru can’t help but feel a gnawing sense of shame.

satoru, affectionate as ever, kisses you both on the cheek. snowy hair ruffling with his actions, aquamarine eyes twinkling as bright as starlight, white eyelashes fluttering against the pink blush hued upon his soft cheeks. from here, suguru can see the light dusting of freckles on satoru’s nose, & the lightest sheen of gloss on his pink lips. no doubt from kissing you before he got here.

a twisted part of suguru is thankful for the kiss on the cheek, your glossy residue imprinted on his skin. an indirect kiss, he muses.

“sorry it took so long, i had to park so far away. hope you didn’t miss me too much, angel.” satoru pecks you on the cheek again, cheekily stealing an upside down kiss on the lips from you while he’s at it.

“no worries baby, i had sugu to keep me company.” you smile wide, eyes softening as satoru smoothes down your hair.

suguru forgot.

satoru trusts him with his entire life. with you.

the loud, brash, arrogant, self-centered boy suguru knew as a teen had grown up. cleaning up his act the moment he met you. enamored with your beauty, kindness, & personable nature — satoru fell deeply in love. he was still loud, but only to proclaim his love on the rooftops for you. he was brash at times but never with you. his arrogance was also truly never unfounded, he was just that confident in his own self and in the relationship he could have with you. suguru still thinks satoru can be self-centered at times, but never about you.

satoru puts you forward in every single aspect of his life — devoted. loyal. faithful. unbelievably constant with his love & adoration for you. your perfect other half.

your true soulmate.

you’re his one and only. and he’s yours.

“satoru! it’s been a while.” suguru prays the loud music can cover up the slight crack in his voice. he can feel his throat constricting like a python, he coughs to clear it, wanting to rid himself of the strangling feeling. he does what he does best in that moment: putting on a facade. a tight-lipped smile along with crinkled eyes graces his features, and he hopes that both you & satoru mistake it for pure happiness.

“you good, man?” satoru tilts his head like a puppy, looking at him questioningly. you do the same, concern clouding your beautiful eyes. he’s terrified that you both could see right through him.

“yeah.” suguru whispers quietly.

the ache that torments his throat & spikes his heart serves as a reminder.

he puts his warm hand over your cold ones in a comforting gesture. for who would it bring solace? he doesn’t know. at this point in time, he can’t bring himself to care. “just the summer heat.”

he brushes his thigh against yours once again, fiddling with your fingers softly. he figures he can allow himself this.

glancing into your eyes, his reflection stares back him.

he accepts that living with this ache of shame & this disgusting sense of desire is the very least someone like him deserves.

he figures he should allow it to devour him.

#geto suguru x reader #getou suguru x reader #geto x reader #<- not really that’s just in geto’s mind #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #wanted to make this a deep dive in his psyche but also wormguru came to me in a dream and i had to mention it or i’d die #toji’s worm took one look at suguru & called him mommy… it was onto something… suguru gives mean hot girlfriend energy 95% of the time #my writings #personal

[aspens-apothecary]

Mabon Celebration Ideas!

As some of you know, this Saturday is Mabon, the celebration of the Autumn Equinox. Some also refer to it as the "Pagan Thanksgiving", as you celebrate the bountiful harvest and are thankful for the earth and its many gifts.

Mabon marks the time of equilibrium, where the days and nights are of equal length. During this time, it is good to set intentions that involve decrease, such as ending unhealthy habits, self-destructive behaviors, or bad relationships.

Decorating for Autumn

This a great time to decorate for the coming autumn and spooky seasons leading up to Samhain! I like to open the windows and then cleanse my space(usually a simmer pot and smoke cleanse) and after, i actually physically clean the house.I then close the windows and stir my simmer pot, while setting new intentions for the household until the spring equinox. I then collect the things I want to decorate with(the usual fall decor; pumpkins, pine cones, leaf garlands, gourds and an autumn wreath on the door) and then decorate to my hearts content!

Release and Move Forward

Another thing I usually spend time on is meditation, centering myself, letting go of past baggage from the year and setting new personal goals and intentions until spring.

Find a nice spot outside, where you feel connected to the world around you. Take a journal with you, and meditate. Write down what you want the next few months to bring into your life. Set those intentions in any way you choose.

Have a nice Hearty Meal

Who doesn't love a good meal with great people? You can make a roast, hold a potluck Mabon dinner ect, I usually host a bonfire night and everyone brings their own dishes to feel the group. During covid, I made a pot roast for my fiance and I! You could also do a picnic!

Fall Activities

Apple Picking, Corn Mazes, going to a Pumpkin Patch, all fall activities that are fun for the whole family, as a cute date, or great solo fun!

Honor Persephone and Demeter

If you are one to honor deities/spirits during the holidays, Persephone and Demeter are two that will definitely fall into Mabon.

According to the myth, Autumn is the time where Persephone must leave her beloved mother and travel to Hades, to fulfill her role as the Queen of the Underworld. Each year she lets go of the concerns of the upper world, and willingly descends to guide the souls of the dead over the threshold of Life and Death.

Creating an altar, and leaving offerings for them in honor of their sacrifice is an amazing way to celebrate.

Other

Other things you can do include cleansing ritual baths, Divination for the new few months, hiking, offerings for the local nature spirits, make a gratitude list for the last few months and thank the earth for her gifts

Mabon Symbols:

Cornucopia (horn of plenty), pinecones, seeds

Colors: Orange, red, yellow, brown, copper, dark yellow, dark green

Foods: Corn, beans, squash, apples, pumpkins, cider, root vegetables, pomegranate, wine

Herbs: Yarrow, rosemary, sage, mugwort, rosehips,

Stones: Amber, citrine, cat’s eye, aventurine, sapphire, jasper

Flowers: Sunflowers, thistle, marigolds

Deities: Mabon, Green Man, Demeter, Persephone, Morgan, Pomona, Inanna

Animals: Owl, stag, blackbird, salmon

I hope this gives you a few ideas! Add your own ideas to this list! These are just the ways I like to celebrate!

#pagan witch #witchblr #witchcore #witchcraft #beginner witch #witch tips #witchy vibes #mabon #mabon 2023 #autumn #autistic witch #autumn equinox #witchcraft spells #witchy #witchcraft supplies

[rookisaknight]

Also I must say: I do not like the way Collapse characterized John. Love his interactions with Joseph but I think characterizing his sadistic tendencies as some kind of struggle with violent impulses is actually pretty contradictory with what we are told in canon.

What John tells us in his bunker is "I spent my whole life looking for more things to say 'yes' to. I opened up every hole in my body and when those were filled, I created more. But it was Joseph who shower me how selfish I was being. Always receiving, always taking. The best gift isn't the one you get, its the one you give." That, to me, paints a pretty clear picture. As an outgrowth of his childhood abuse John spent his adulthood engaging in self-harming behaviors, seeking out scenarios where he could recreate that helplessneess and release as a way to feel cleansed. Its pretty clear to me that these habits were primarily self-destructive, even submissive in nature ("always receiving, always taking"). "Things to say yes to" isn't quite synonymous with the American Psycho kind of picture that Collapse paints, John seems to have specifically sought out scenarios where he would lack control, where he would be hurt and preyed upon. Until Joseph convinced him to instead enact those desires on others. Take everything that was done to you, and do it to other people, not only to cleanse them, but to finally save yourself from the sin inside you.

Like to be clear: this isn't me saying John wouldn't do malicious cruel things without Joseph's interference. But making him a knife-happy bad dominant stereotype with an obsession for strangling people both contradicts how the main canon tends to characterize him, and also imo whitewashes Joseph's manipulation. If John is a collection of violent impulses, Joseph becomes not one of his abusers, but his handler. Its kind of a consistent problem with the Collapse where it is wants to continually frame the actions of the siblings as what they probably would have done anyways. Joseph is wrong for gaining by it, but it shies away from pointing out where he not only encouraged it, but at times redirected it into specific, more beneficial channels.

John had his brother never showed up likely wouldn't have been a very good person! He would still be a corrupt lawyer deeply fixated on his own desires and with a very destructive personal theology. But he does not pick up the knife to use on others unless his big brother tells him to.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #joseph seed #john seed #fc6 collapse

[writingforatwistedworld]

Otome au-Character introduction: Rollo Flamm

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR GLORIOUS MASQUERADE EVENT, Yandere themes, death, murder, implied stalking, obsessive behavior, unhealthy relationship, violence, family problems

Position:

Judge of the city of flowers

Backstory:

It was no secret that judge Rollo had a rather… radical streak when it came to magic users. Whenever he could hear someone utter a spell, or simply someone voicing that they liked magic did not matter. Although, you did earn a pityfull look from him before being questioned if you knew someone with the ability to wield magic if you were a normal person. No magic. Simply normal.

Judge Rollo despised magic. It took and burned everything away like the destructive force it was. And as such, the young judge saw himself in a position in which he needed to be equally as destructive when it came to cleansing the world of that power. Even if it meant lying to himself. Although less lying, more like burying a part of him deep below where even the ghosts of the dead could not reach. Rollo was aware that he was also someone “impure”, someone tainted by magic.

Although sometimes he remembered a small boy, equally as stained and yet also so full of light.

If only the light hadn’t gotten burned to ashes.

How did he become Self-aware?

The process of noticing that this world was controlled by a higher power on a whim was something he did not start on his own. Quite the contrary. One day when Rollo was once more looking over papers, trying to get some sort of order into the sea of pure chaos on his desk, a place always seemingly to be full with these, he did notice something odd though.

Hadn’t he seen this case before? But it wasn’t noted down in the records. Then why was he so certain the lead investigator had been given a large sum of money to hide details, leading to an innocent person being locked away?

And like this it began. At first Rollo thought that it was his “impurity” which told him these things. Much later though he did notice that this was not the case. A strange individual set foot into his beautifull city, bringing with them the wind of foregin lands. Rollo heard a voice saying something along the lines of finally getting the DLC, whatever that was, even though the stranger did not talk.

As such his descend into the depths of the truth of this world started but if he was honest, he didn’t mind. He did not mind as he flung a spell at someone, making them breathe their last breath all so they wouldn’t get between him figuring out who, no what kind of enigma, you were. He did not mind to do all of that as long as he could follow that light at the end of the tunnel, you.

To not even meant to be part of your path throuh this world and yet to foster such feelings, wouldn’t it be only fair for him to act upon them?

#yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #twisted wonderland otome au #rollo flamm #yandere rollo flamm #yandere rollo #rollo flamm x reader #rollo x reader #twisted wonderland rollo #twst rollo #tw: yandere #tw: death #tw: murder #tw: implied stalking #tw: obsessive behavior #tw: unhealthy relationship #tw: violence #tw: family problems

[mcytshippystuff]

(/rp, not irl!) OKAY SO! What i think about q!Phil, q!Missa, and q!Forever's relationships in the QSMP;

In my head, q!Philza and q!Missa started out as just co-parents when they were assigned each other to take care of Chayanne. Then they became more like, platonic husbands but I wouldn't say queerplatonic? Like, they felt getting married was just easier but didn't really have the relationship or level of commitment/care a Queerplatonic or romantic relationship would have. Then they started caring for each other, spending time together and having fun, and entered a weird in-between state of tbh they could go either way ya know?

Then Missa started catching feelings. He didn't mean to, honest! But just, the way Phil would worry and cared for him and their son, the time they spent together, how could he not fall for the Death touched Angel? But he wasn't ever sure how to broach it, sometimes he felt as if Phil felt the same but other times it was obvious Phil didn't so it was just a mess, and he wasn't willing to ruin what they had.

(More about Phil's feelings and Forever's part in all this under the cut, its long sorry not sorry lol)

Meanwhile Phil is both Oblivious and very in denial about any feelings, or people trying to point out there may be feelings at all. I'm unsure if id stick q!Phil on the Ace Spectrum or romance just isn't a priority (or if he's just resistant to the idea of it for whatever reason), but either way he cant fathom the idea that people have actual feelings for him, nor that he might have them himself, so he doesn't really look too deep on his feelings and often brushes them away if he's presented with the idea that it may be real.

So what if being with Missa feels like they were the only people in the world? If the way Missa takes care of their son gives Phil light fuzzy feelings in his chest? If having to say goodbye for who knows how long felt like a hole was punched in his chest, and when he came back Phil suddenly felt like the weight of the world was lifted? He cares about his friend, his platonic husband, that's it! Its def not anything romantic pssh that would be ridiculous...

Meanwhile q!Forever, oh poor Forever.

Admittedly in the beginning it was mostly a joke. The resemblance to Brunim, while at first glance, may be strong but to Forever they didn't look alike at all once you got close, in all the small ways that mattered most really. It was funny to tease and poke and get attached to the lookalike but then oh, oh how it stopped being a joke. (Forever refuses to think about there's a good reason why him and Brunim are apart, for both their own sakes)

And maybe, just maybe, for a while it was becuase how much Forever missed Brunim that he got attached to q!Phil, that he started to feel feelings for the man, but if you look close you can see those feelings started to become real, he honestly and genuinely started to fall for Philza. No more mirror images to chase, no, now Phil felt like standing in the heavy rain, every drop stinging but it was so so cleansing, healing, refreshing. Every time Forever got him to laugh felt like a personal victory he'd ride the high of for days, and every sharp, hurtful word was taken with a forced laugh or fake smile and it would linger and haunt his mind.

Forever tried, he really did, but it felt like nothing he could say or do would convince Phil of his real feelings, often slipping up or saying the wrong things and it was Forever's own damn fault, nobody to blame but himself. And maybe he didn't handle this all the best, maybe got to obsessive or said things that went to far but to be honest Forever didn't really know love any other way and was trying to unlearn the worst parts of himself the best he could. It didn't help Forever is really prone to self-destructive behavior when things are going good. And he tried to leave it be, he promises he tried to give up, to let go but the blond Angel had rooted himself, utterly and entirely into Forever's heart and he couldn't bring himself to cut his love for Phil out.

And q!Phil? Well, it was complicated becuase he did genuinely like the man. Forever was funny and for the most part the "crush", if he could call it that, was amusing at best and just annoying at worst times, and even if Forever was annoying or often went too far, Phil knew there was a good man there. He saw it when Forever gave it a rest and they'd have conversations that would last forever. He saw it when Forever would make him laugh until he couldn't breathe or when Forever took care of the eggs as fiercely as Philza did and when the man cried becuase he was so upset at even the idea of loosing any of the kids, and every lose hurt personally. And though he didn't often think to hard on it, sometimes when the other blond would smile or laugh, Phil felt like he was being shone on by the sun, warm, bright, burning, piercing, overwhelming. The quiet moments when Forever would drop all pretenses and masks and just let himself be, in happy, soft, or sad moments made Phi's chest sing.

But Philza couldn't ignore how the fact he was just a stand in hurt in ways Phil wasn't able to explain and to be honest didn't understand why it bothered him so much, it was never a big deal until it suddenly was. Every time Forever assumed something about him or didn't bother to figure out just was another stab in the heart and Phil just got so angry at the fact that Forever tried to say otherwise, but ultimately his affection wasn't real, and he didn't like being played with. Sure he didn't think Forever was doing it maliciously but he just wanted Forever to just stop! Stop how it hurt, how confused it made Phil. He just wanted it to stop being so confusing, to stop questioning these feelings buried deep within his chest. Plus even if wasn't so complicated, some part of him recognizes he also cares deeply about Missa and since they're married, even if its just platonically, its a commitment Phil is committed too so it feels like a betrayal.

Someone tell this man about the wonders of Polyamory!

Meanwhile Forever and Missa are mostly cautious but also a bit hostile towards each other at first, becuase that's competition in their eyes, a threat of their loves, but in the end they chill becuase they realize its neither of their choices and also the other isnt... bad per say. Maybe they even have a understanding becuase they recognize they both love and care for Phil. Maybe they even come to like and even care about the other in the future, who knows.

So, tldr;

Phil has feelings for both Missa and Forever, some more complicated then others, but he both refuses to admit it to even himself or even fathom he could like someone, let alone two people, and his view on Forever still only liking him becuase of his ex made it a lot more complicated becuase he feels hurt. But he has two hands, that's important to remember!

Missa is very in love with Philza but is both too hesitant to say anything, lest he ruin their relationship they have now, and becuase he's been away so much. He really didn't like Forever, both becuase of the "he just likes me becuase I look like his ex" becuase it clearly hurt phil, but he chilled a bit when he realized Forever wasn't a bad person, just complicated and did really love and care for Phil as well, and being hostile towards each other just made Phil more upset. Now they're cool, if not a bit sure about each other, and maybe even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Forever originally liked Philza becuase he looked like Brunim as a joke, and maybe even some of his infatuation started becuase of it too, but he really did come to see Philza as his own person and come to care and even fall in love with Phil for real. However Forever recognizes he's messed up a lot and often still does, but he's trying so hard to both be better and give Philza space but he cant stop loving Phil no matter how hard he tries. Same as above for him and Missa, its complicated but Forever has chilled and is trying hard to work on his jealousy issues. He thinks Missa isnt that bad and might even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Later on, once they all work out their issues and Phil both stops being a oblivious fuck and realizes that Forever really does honestly and truly love him for him, they end up in a polyamory. Its Philza dating them both but maybe end game has Missa and Forever dating too idk lol.

#mine #please reblog likes do nothing <3 #qsmpshipping #qsmp shipping #pissa #philever #I also wanted to hammer home that #when i say Pissa's relationship is considered platonic and not Queer platonic #im not dissing on qpr's #Queerplatonic realtionships are just as valid #real #and important/commited as a romantic one is #its just a diffrent type of realtionship #i just dont think thats what Pissa have #and ill admit i dont know too much about #Brunim and Forever's relationships (rp wise) and #while i could be wrong #from what i understand it was very toxic and bad on both ends #so im choosing to interpret it that way #and alluding to the fact that becuase of it #Forever has a hard time being normal and healthy #about romantic realtionships #but he's trying! #he promises he's trying #i have more hc's for em lol #just focusing on the romantic ones since ship blog lol #let me know if you wanna hear em #Missa's and Phil's section is shorter but only becuase its less complicated #Meanwhile Forever and Phil are so convoluted and complicated lmao #they figure it out tho just takes a bit lol

[sapphire-weapon]

i’m not sure if you’ve talked about this before so my bad if you have, but i thought this tweet as interesting and feels like yet another nail hammered into aeon’s coffin by the game itself: https://x.com/JENITOP1A/status/1722002324431008122?s=20

If this interpretation holds up, I'm even happier that I got that design tattooed on me LMAO

But yeah this is very THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW. THE CHARACTERS ARE DIFFERENT.

The moth symbolism sounds a lot like the Death card in tarot. This is a good description I've found:

The Death card symbolizes the end of a major phase or aspect of your life that you realize is no longer serving you, opening up the possibility of something far more valuable and essential. You must close one door to open another. You need to put the past behind you and part ways, ready to embrace new opportunities and possibilities. It may be difficult to let go of the past, but you will soon see its importance and the promise of renewal and transformation. If you resist these necessary endings, you may experience pain, both emotionally and physically, but if you exercise your imagination and visualize a new possibility, you allow more constructive patterns to emerge.

Similarly, Death shows a time of significant transformation, change, and transition. You need to transform yourself and clear away the old to bring in the new. Any change should be welcomed as a positive, cleansing, transformational force in your life. The death and clearing away of limiting factors can open the door to a broader, more satisfying experience of life.

[...]

Finally, Death is a sign that you need to learn to let go of unhealthy attachments in your life to pave the way to a fuller, more fulfilled life of deeper meaning and significance. Death teaches you to let go of outworn and outgrown ways of life and to move forward from them. This is a perfect card to break a bad habit or pattern of behavior. See this as a time to cut out excess and let go of what is unnecessary for your life. Purge the old belongings, memories and baggage that are getting in your way.

This is different from Ada's symbolism, which is probably best explained with the Star card:

As The Star follows The Tower card in Tarot, it comes as a welcome reprieve after a period of destruction and turmoil. You have endured many challenges and stripped yourself bare of any limiting beliefs that have previously held you back. You are realizing your core essence, who you are beneath all the layers. No matter what life throws your way, you know that you are always connected to the Divine and pure loving energy. You hold a new sense of self, a new appreciation for the core of your Being.

[...]

You may also want to find or rediscover a sense of meaning, inspiration, or purpose in your life. You are making some significant changes in your life, transforming yourself from the old you to the new you and, in doing so, you are bringing about a fresh perspective: “Out with the old and in with the new!” You are choosing the highest version of yourself. This is a profound spiritual journey that will bring greater meaning and purpose into your life and will renew your inner energy. Strip back any limiting beliefs, facades, or deceptions, and live in your authentic nature. Be open to new ideas and growth, and listen to the still voice within.

It really follows what we've been saying for a long time here, in that they hold each other back. Ada made Leon's life miserable, and he has to let go of what she's done to him to move forward. And if Ada sheds her connection to him, she'll become a better version of herself.

[loveless-scribes]

The problem with nuance is that sometimes there is none.

Books and movies and video games all reinforce this idea that the villain is just a hero who lacked the right resources or support or what have you. Often, this is true. Especially if we're talking about poverty related crime or reactionary criminal behavior to systemic oppression.

But sometimes, it's not. Sometimes, it is that simple. Sometimes, people are just evil.

And it's easy enough for us to accept this when talking about pedophiles, or WWII Germany, or the terrible actions of the super rich (I'm looking at you, Bezos... and Nestlé) but other times we search and search for nuance where there is none to be found in order to prove... what, exactly? How educated we are? That we've learned our lesson well that villains aren't just villains, they're people first?

But in order to preserve our sense of objectivity, our moral superiority and our self-righteous intellectualism we oftentimes do the oppressed a great disservice.

Because life is not a movie.

And it's easy to say that Israel is just afraid because of their past. The common people don't want war, they don't even know what's going on. The heads of state are to blame. A new government would make things better. This is an overreaction to Oct. 7th. A mistake anyone could make. It satisfies our need to nod at both sides of the conflict and to signal that we are aware there is nuance here.

But all of those statements are false.

The virtue-signaling of inventing nuance where there is none, of trying to humanize the absolute evil of Israel's actions, is just as spineless as trying to humanize or rationalize the actions of nazi Germany.

The truth of the matter is that Israeli citizens set up lawn chairs to watch Palestinian destruction. Israeli citizens gather at the border to prevent aid from getting into Gaza. The calls for the absolute extermination of Palestinians coming out of Israel are innumerable - and have been since well before October 7th of last year. The large-scale theft of Palestinian land would not be possible without the overwhelming compliance of Israeli settlers who feel comfortable kicking natives out of their own homes in order to live there themselves.

And the sense of racial and nationalist superiority that is such an inherent part of Israeli and zionist culture is what allows them to commit all sorts of heinous crimes without remorse and - thanks to the shoulder-shrugging of world powers - without consequence. (Forced sterilization of black jews, active concentration camps, organ theft, genocide, kidnapping, torture, bait-and-switch murder of children, land theft, destruction of universities and hospitals, man-made famine, ethnic cleansing, etc.)

There is no nuance here. There can be no nuance when it comes to 80 years of ongoing genocide, displacement, and theft. The images you are seeing come out of Palestine are only the tip of the iceberg. The Israelis see all that you see and more and they celebrate it.

This is evil.

And in order for peace and freedom to have a fighting chance, we must first be willing to call evil by its name.

#palestine #free palestine #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #fuck israel

[wombat-witch]

Destroying the Snake ritual

This is a little ritual idea that popped in my head that uses aspects from kemetic magic (I am by no means a kemetic practitioner, although I do work with some Egyptian deities. This ritual is based off some ancient Egyptian customs and mythos). It is for destroying self destructive behaviors or influences you may have in your life.

Disclaimer: This ritual is not a replacement for mental health treatments or medications, and should not be used or seen as such. 

The main things you will need:

A sheet of paper.

A pen (red preferably)

A white candle (and something to light it with)

A fire-proof plate

Method: To begin with, cleanse your space and draw a circle. Once done, take a moment to calm yourself, to ground yourself and have a level head.  In your own time, reflect on why you are doing this ritual; what self destructive behaviors or influences do you have and want to destroy? What self-inflicted things throw your life into chaos that you want to rid yourself of? Examples of such are: Compulsively lying or needing attention, irrational anger or jealousy of those around you, temptations are too great to ignore. 

Once you know what needs to be destroyed, on your paper draw a snake. This snake represents A/p/e/p, chaos itself (and not the good kind of chaos either; the kind that wrecks your shit). Within this image, write down what you want to destroy. (Enjoy my hastily drawn in pencil example and ignore the fact I added an e to rid)

After this, you are going to strike through every word and all the way through the s/nake. With each strike, you are symbolically cutting and defeating the s/nake and the chaos it holds.  You can tear the paper (though maybe not into pieces as that will make it harder for the next part), stab the paper with your pen, yell and curse at it. As you do so, speak with a commanding voice. “I , have defeated you, chaos. I , have smote you, chaos. I , have destroyed you, chaos.”

When done, scrunch the paper up and light your candle.  You are then going to burn the paper to ashes with the candle, completely destroying the s/nake and purifying yourself.  Throw out the ashes and don’t look back as you walk away.

An important thing to note is just because you have done this ritual, doesn’t mean you don’t have to put any effort into working on yourself. 

Additionally, if you have any ideas or suggestions about it, I would love to hear in the comments.

#witchblr #witchcraft #ritual #my spells #a/p/e/p #self reflection #spellwork #kemetic spell

[purplekoop]

I only briefly mentioned it in the last post, so I'll elaborate a little more on Martinet's Snag Magnets.

In terms of using them, the initial activation is nearly identical to his default Accessory, the Tripwire Cufflinks. He shoots out a small magnetic device, one from each wrist. You enter a special "firing stance" when first pressing the ability input, and use primary fire for to fire the left hand cufflink, and then again to fire the right hand's. However, instead of remaining in place like his other Cufflink devices when both are planted, they immediately activate once the second device hits a target. Also unlike the default cufflinks, they can attach to enemies as well, and in fact at least one point needs to connect to an enemy for anything to happen upon activation.

If the devices activate when one is attached to an enemy and the other is attached to terrain, then the enemy will be pulled to the terrain, taking a small amount of damage on impact with their end destination. During the pull, the enemy can still aim and attack, but is incapable of moving and is given the Restrained status, which specifically disables movement abilities for the duration.

If attaching both ends to enemies however, their pull targets are in fact each other. The two enemies will be pulled together, and collide on impact for a small bit of extra damage. The exact behavior of this movement depends on a universal mechanic I've neglected to mention yet: Weight. To explain briefly, bigger bots take less knockback than smaller bots. With Snag Magnets, the lighter bot will be pulled more significantly than the heavier bot. For instance, pull two average weight bots like Calber and Wilderoad together, and they will travel an equal distance to meet each other. However, pull bots of different weights, like Poppett and Formann, and the smaller bot will travel much more to meet the impact point than the larger bot. The impact will also do more damage based on weight: a small bot like Xenir being slammed into a tank like Navea will hurt the smaller bot a lot more.

This ability has a few weaknesses to point out. Once the first point is placed, Martinet only has 6 seconds to fire the second magnet before the first one will automatically self destruct. While brief, this period still allows Martinet to place one point on terrain in advance of someone approaching, then stick the other to an enemy before the first point expires. However, the magnets can also be destroyed in advance. If on terrain, then a magnet can be destroyed by taking any damage whatsoever from enemy fire. If on an enemy, then the magnets can't be attacked directly, but instead count as a debuff until activated, and can be destroyed by debuff-cleansing or device-deactivating abilities, like Poppett's Sud Grenade or Martinet's own Infiltrator Armaments. Either way, if one of the two points is destroyed, then the ability will automatically fail. Finally, there's a few more small scenarios that cause the ability to fail. If the two points don't have line of sight, or if the targets are too far apart, then the points will "activate" with a sputtering failure noise, and nothing will happen. A similar thing will occur if both points land on terrain, since as much as you wish you could, these magnets aren't strong enough to pull buildings and the planet itself.

A tangential note for here worth elaboration later, but in mission modes, abilities and weapons have upgrades to increase their effectiveness against swarms of enemies, purchased mid-mission using credits earned from defeating enemies. All of Martinet's Cufflink options have unique upgrades to increase their impact against groups, and for Snag Magnets that upgrade is called Forceful Impact. This upgrade simply causes the impact damage caused by an enemy hitting their pull target to create a forceful shockwave, which does additional damage to enemies in a radius around the impact.

So this is a weird ability, which is why I felt it would be helpful to explain exactly how it works. It took me too long to figure out that this is basically a more controlled version of Orisa's old Halt ability from OW1, where you only pull at max two targets at a time. The max pull range is increased, so this ability lets you precisely control where exactly you pull the enemy too. This can create a variety of simple disorienting plays, like yoinking an enemy backwards or upwards. If the terrain allows for it, you can even pull an enemy off of the map into a killzone pit or other hazard. Plus, it's also a good way of helping bring a couple enemies together. I came up with this joke for this in my head before the Mauga origin story did it too I swear. You also have to consider this is a much more active ability than the other options, and has no real use in terms of revealing enemy positions. It has a lower cooldown to compensate from its lacking utility, but even then it's an ability that requires clever moment-to-moment thinking to make use of.

Either way, I'm very much excited to one day hopefully see some Snag Magnet Funny Moments Compilations.

#koop's oc stuff #war bots #martinet war bots

[lovebvni]

Hi, I'm sending this ask 'cause of the reading. My name's Lethícia, and I wanted a read of something I really need to hear right now.

Messages you need to hear right now

Hello, Letíicia! First of, you have such a beautiful name. Seriously, I love it <3 but now for your messages!

“it’s all going to get better. don’t cry about every little thing that happens. people leave, yes, but they also come back better. and if they don’t come back, someone else will fill their place”

i’m getting someone left you recently, and it may have been very hard on you. the universe is telling you to trust it. and in all honesty, i’m getting they may have been toxic so… maybe leave them behind. Honest by Baby Keem came on, maybe that song resonates in some way.

“Your throat chakra is messed up in some sort of way. Cleanse it.”

are you not speaking your own truth, standing up for yourself, or just taking a break when you need it? honey, you need to. my throat is SCREAMING!! you need to drink water, eat and then talk about your feelings with someone and say your name. who you truly are! Don’t let anyone put words into your mouth or speak for you.(Say My Name from Beetlejuice the Musical came on, so seriously. Speak up for yourself darling.)

“Your love. Find it in people, not objects.”

the material isn’t always truth. material is temporary. spirits and souls are forever. resonate with them, not objects. focus on friendships.

“You’re self destructive. Don’t let your behaviors define you anymore. You’re stronger than your habits.”

Exactly as this message said, you’re breaking yourself down (with toxic people OR behaviors. I’m not getting both). Cut those people or behaviors off, heal and focus on yourself. Your life is YOURS, not anyone else’s. You are your own God and creator. Nobody can take that away from you.

Overall, you seem to be holding onto the past and not moving forward. The baggage you’re still carrying contains items that can no longer be used. They’re expired, molded, useless, but you feel as if they’re sentimental. Darling, it’s broken glass, not a vase anymore. Let the past be the past, leave things behind. It will be better that way.

final messages from me:

don’t let this be sad for you. as i have said once before, when things break down they come together. moving forward is part of life. “let the past be the past”, “burn the world down” just came to mind. i know, this will be hard letting go, moving on and resetting, but it’s for the best. if you want any help or support during this time, confide in your friends. it will get better, it will get easier. “When things fall apart, they come together.”

#abyss .answers #intuition #intuitive readings #intuitive messages #intutive reading #intuitive

[appalachianwarlock]

Spotting a Malevolent “Guide”

When first getting into any type of entity work, one of the first things people tend to do is look for some sort of guide. Be that a Higher Self, patron deity, spirit guide, guardian angel, whatever you want to call it- just something more powerful and knowledgable than us to keep us on the right path.  I believe most entities are generally good, or at least aren’t motivated to harm us. That said, there are those with something to gain from taking advantage of us. A practitioner in search of a guide is a juicy target, because they’re often inexperienced and naive. Consider everything we’re willing to do to please someone we consider a mentor. Here’s how to spot a phony:

There’s a bad feeling in your gut. This is the first and most important one on the list. If something feels off, something feels wrong, even if there’s no obvious reason why, listen to your gut. It’s the most energy-sensitive and accurate tool you will ever have.

Their identity is shady. This is especially true if they’re claiming to be a deity or any big entity with a name you’ve heard before. A deity should have no qualms just saying who they are, whereas an impostor may try to dance around saying it explicitly. They may pull a “you know who I am” or just confirm whatever you give them. Asking them to prove their identity for your own security should never be offensive. 

They’re isolating you from other sources. Are they encouraging you to avoid certain books, certain (not harmful) activities and people? Watch out. By making themselves your only resource, they keep you from learning info that would expose them and keep you reliant on them. Mentorship shouldn’t equal total dependence on them. 

Their instructions are harmful. There’s something to be said for doing something outside your comfort zone, but there’s a clear difference between that and something destructive. If a “guide” is telling you to harm folks (including yourself,) mess with your diet in an unhealthy way, abandon helpful behaviors, etc., then that entity does not have your best interests in mind. 

You’re giving more than you’re getting. The relationship is more about what you’re giving them, how you’re serving them, and doing what they say, but you aren’t actually learning anything. Your growth is not proportional to what you’ve been putting in to receive their guidance. They may keep delaying your lessons or only dolling out #wisdom instead of useful advice. You’re stuck constantly trying to ‘prove’ you’re ready. 

This spirit is bad news! What do I do?

Don’t blame yourself. It happens to the best of us, and getting duped or manipulated is never your fault. Consider it a learning experience.

Tell them to leave. The deal is off, you’ve caught onto their bs, and it’s time for them to leave you alone for good. Lots of spirits will willingly peace out once they’ve been caught. If they refuse to leave…

Banish them. Break out the sage bundles, the candles, the heavy metal music, whatever you need to do. If you need, ask a trusted friend to help. Even online pals may be willing to just send you some energy. 

Cleanse everything. Cleanse your space, cleanse your tools, cleanse yourself. Get rid of any lingering energies the phony may have left.

Ward everything. Set up your security system so that the phony can’t return, and other fake guides can’t get in. 

Tattle. If the phony was claiming to be a deity or another entity with a name, feel free to let the real entity know. “Hey Apollo, there’s a harmful spirit ‘round these parts who’s claiming to be you.” Rest assured they will handle it accordingly. 

[shamanisminindia]

Ayahuasca ceremony | Shamanism in India

Ayahuasca is a powerful hallucinogenic plant mixture traditionally used in Shamanism by Indigenous Amazonian communities for spiritual and healing purposes. The active ingredient in Ayahuasca is DMT (dimethyltryptamine), which is a psychoactive compound that can induce profound spiritual and introspective experiences. Ayahuasca ceremonies are typically conducted by trained shamans or facilitators in a ceremonial setting and often involve purging (vomiting) as part of the cleansing process. It is known for its potentially transformative effects, offering participants the opportunity for personal growth, healing, and expanded consciousness. It is important to note that Ayahuasca is illegal in some countries and should only be consumed under the guidance of experienced practitioners.

Some of the transformational benefits of Ayahuasca are as follows: 1. Spiritual growth: Ayahuasca is believed to facilitate deep spiritual experiences, allowing individuals to connect with their inner selves, higher consciousness and the Divine. It can expand one’s awareness and perception and provide a glimpse into different dimensions of existence and enhance spiritual and metaphysical insights.

2. Emotional healing: Ayahuasca has the potential to help individuals heal from past traumas, emotional wounds and unresolved issues. Through the ayahuasca experience, individuals can gain insights into their negative patterns, behaviors and thought processes. This awareness can facilitate the release and transformation of these patterns, allowing for positive change and personal growth.

3. Addiction treatment: Ayahuasca has shown promise in the treatment of various types of addiction, including substance abuse and alcoholism. It can help individuals gain a new perspective on their addictive behaviors, break destructive patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

4. Healing of ancestral and generational traumas: Ayahuasca is believed to have the power to heal not only individual traumas but also ancestral and generational traumas. It can help individuals release and heal the pain carried from previous generations.

5. Enhanced creativity: Many individuals report increased creativity and inspiration after ayahuasca ceremonies. It can unlock creative potential, reveal new perspectives and ignite a sense of curiosity and exploration. Ayahuasca helps individuals gain clarity and a sense of direction in their lives. It can reveal one’s true passions, values and purpose igniting a renewed sense of meaning and fulfillment.

6. Connection with nature: Ayahuasca ceremonies often involve being in nature or natural settings. This connection with the natural world can promote a sense of harmony, interconnectedness and reverence for the earth.

7. Healing of physical ailments: Ayahuasca has been reported to have healing effects on various physical ailments, including chronic pain, autoimmune disorders and digestive issues. It can help individuals address the underlying emotional and energetic imbalances that contribute to these conditions.

8. Mental health support: Ayahuasca has been found to have positive effects on various mental health conditions including depression, anxiety and Post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD). Ayahuasca ceremonies often involve a deep sense of presence and mindfulness. This experience can help individuals cultivate a greater sense of awareness, insights, clarity and a sense of inner peace aiding in the management and healing of these conditions.

9. Increased self-awareness: Ayahuasca can help individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves, as it brings unconscious thoughts and motivations to the surface, allowing for self-reflection and personal growth.Ayahuasca has been known to promote physical and mental well-being. It can help individuals develop a greater sense of self-care, make healthier lifestyle choices and experience increased energy and vitality.

For Shamanism courses/healing visit www.ShamanismInIndia.com

or Call/WhatsApp on [phone]

#shamanism #shamanismcourses #shamans #shamanisminindia #shamanismbyshaguru #shamansinindia #shaguru #ayahuasca #ayahuasca ceremony

[junow-honours]

Terms:

Interesting terms and concepts that, even if not directly linked to my current research, influence what I am looking into:

The Dark Triad- Machiavellianism, Narcissism and Psychopathy: Three closely related yet independent personality traits that all have a somewhat malevolent connotation. The three traits are machiavellianism (a manipulative attitude), narcissism (excessive self-love), and psychopathy (lack of empathy)

Freudian Death- Drive: In classical Freudian psychoanalytic theory, the death drive is the drive towards death and destruction, often expressed through behaviors such as aggression, compulsion, self-destruction, sadism, and violence.

Freudian Pleasure- Principle: The pleasure principle is the driving force of the id that seeks immediate gratification of all needs, wants, and urges. In other words, the pleasure principle strives to fulfill our most basic and primitive urges, including hunger, thirst, anger, and sex.

Security Theater: Security theater is the practice of taking security measures that are considered to provide the feeling of improved security while doing little or nothing to achieve it.

Idolatry, aka Idol Worship: Idolatry is the worship of a cult image or "idol" as though it were God.

Foucauldian Power and Punishment Dynamic: Foucault's point is that one cannot exist without the other. The power and techniques of punishment depend on knowledge that creates and classifies individuals, and that knowledge derives its authority from certain relationships of power and domination.

Catharsis: Purification, cleansing. The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

Guro-kawaii: a Japanese aesthetic that is characterized by a juxtaposition of kawaii visuals with grotesque elements and morbid humor.

Food chain: A food chain is a linear network of links in a food web starting from producer organisms and ending at an apex predator species, detritivores, or decomposer species. A food chain also shows how organisms are related to each other by the food they eat.

Symbiotic Relationship: Symbiotic relationships are the close associations formed between pairs of species. They come in a variety of forms, such as parasitism (where one species benefits and the other is harmed) and commensalism (where one species benefits and the other is neither harmed nor helped).

Ouroboros: The ouroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail, it is used to represent the eternal cycle of destruction and rebirth.

Faustian Bargain: A pact whereby a person trades something of supreme moral or spiritual importance, such as personal values or the soul, for some worldly or material benefit, such as knowledge, power, or riches.

Heisei Aestheticism: Yamamoto coined the term “Heisei Estheticism” to define a style of art encompassing themes of darkness, bondage, metamorphosis, love and death.

The Jungian Shadow: The shadow, as described by Carl Jung, is the unconscious part of our character or personality that does not align with the ideal version of what we're aiming for, this being the version of us Jung called the ego ideal.

Codex Seraphinianus: An illustrated encyclopedia of an imaginary world, created by Italian artist Luigi Serafini.

Typology: archetypes, stereotypes

#terms

[ofwishesandstars]

Once again i have slapped together a ref sheet in a few hours, it was like four am when i finished buuuuut presenting another messed up dream.

Name: Cherub (used to be dream) Age: One hundredish (freed from his stone prison super early) Height: 5′1 Main traits: Easily jealous, Disillusioned, Owlish, highly devoted to Solas

Personality: A ex-guardian of few words, Cherub’s mind and soul is a little fried from all the divinity (Essentially super concentrated positivity) inside of him so his words and his thought processes are at best scattered and he’s more likely to make various noises like chirping, cooing and purring or communicate through body gestures like wing fluttering when he’s excited, pulling them in close to cover himself when he’s scared or flaring them out and puffing out his feathers when he’s angry or startled or both. This isn’t to say he’s not intelligent, he just rarely expresses it, He has a vindictive streak when he doesn’t get what he wants as Solas has highly spoiled him. This includes other monsters who he feels attached to though he’ll treat them like pets.

He has separation anxiety and hates being left alone, this quickly leads to thoughts of abandonment and self-destructive habits such as plucking his feathers out. Solas treats him much like a really pretty doll which while objectifying, Cherub doesn’t mind, he can’t mind. He cannot truly feel negative emotions, the closest he gets is a general distraught upset as he hates violence but accepts it as a necessary evil so Solas may cleanse the AU’s of their negative feelings and help them achieve true happiness

he’s also super pretentious, he doesn’t talk often but when he does, every other word out of his mouth is about how much he loves solas and worships him as his god.

Extra facts:

He was freed from his stone imprisonment by accident when solas came across his AU some time after the corruption incident and his sheer amount of magic cause the stone to fracture and fall away, leaving him essentially in his care.

Solas broke his crown with the proposition that it’s presence could lead whatever dreadful thing had done this to his AU could track him with it and though dream despaired at the thought of losing one of the few connections to his mother and brother. The thought of being alone in his AU with only the corpses of the villagers to give him company was a worse thought. This left him exposed to the full brunt of the multiverse’s positive feelings as his crown served as a buffer

His obsession wasn’t immediate, for some time he saw Solas almost like a legal guardian as he didn’t age physically in the stone so he was still only sixteen approx. when he came into the other’s possession, he was well taken care of even if he usually stayed in Solas’s realm and didn’t travel with him at this point because he ‘had some behavioral issues to work out’ and ‘what if that thing found him’ so nobody knew where he was.

He was gifted Solas’s own crown not long after he turned twenty one, the single most precious gift he’s ever received as the crown IS solas’s soul, at least his ‘true’ soul. It holds what’s left of who he was before he ate the sun of his AU, containing the remainder of his morality and sanity, Having it looped around his neck much like a collar and he never takes it off.

That crown being a direct link to Solas’s magic, it was very overwhelming for him, the divinity to strong and the presence to hot but he kept it and that divinity began to change him. Alter his mind, his magic, his body, bending it to his wishes, this extra flood of magic is what made him inevitably sprout wings much like Solas has. His however are smaller and do not allow him to fly, he can hover for brief periods but that’s it, They shed feathers like a husky sheds fur, sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once and all you can hope is he’s outside when it happens.

Being linked to magic similar to his own AU (As solas is based loosely around swapdream), it allowed his own dormant soul to keep growing. Making it large and swollen in his chest, it doesn’t quite restrict his ribcage but it got close, the apple skin of it sometimes peels and it grows branches that have leaves and mini golden apples that induce a snow white affect to anyone who consumes them. He uses this connection to steal monsters positive magic, eventually making them dust from sheer despair. Granting him the ability to use stuff he normally can’t (Like dream can’t use gaster blasters but cherub can if he steals magic from someone who can)

He’s friends with Eventide!, he considers him much like his own sibling now even if they can’t see each other that often as they live in separate multiverses and technically have the same husband but technicalities.

#undertale #undertale art #undertale multiverse #utmv #dreamtale #dreamtale au #swapdream #swapdream au #dream sans #dream sans au #cherub the apostle #//based loosely on ddelusions angel rehab AU on twitter! #//feat a friendo's fantastic version of swapdream which i love dearly #//called celestale

[starry-skies-116]

Stages of Depression ft. Evan Afton/Gregory:

Stages of Depression ft. Evan Afton/Gregory:

Lively, easygoing, articulate and bright child who is caring and open minded with his family and shares trust freely with the rest of the world. Exemplary student and son. Intelligent, strategic, and planning- carefree, intimate, and excited about what the future will hold. Opportunistic, multifaceted and a heart of gold who is true to what his soul desires- upholds responsibility and duty with diligence and dignity, enjoys his work, and plans on living life to the fullest. Jumps at every opportunity and every challenge to prove his abilities and make his hard work bear fruit, as well as test his mettle. Has confidence, respect and faith in others and in humanity.

Depression slowly starts to creep into his life caused by an impending sense of emptiness, as well as his home life growing poor. Evan begins to hold himself with a restrained, terse air, but is also full of melancholy and solemn wistfulness. He is still sensitive and kind, but his patience, sense of self-worth and motivation slowly starts taking a nosedive, though it’s not immediately apparent yet. He receives his first existential crisis one night, and is left on the ground shaking in tears. Yet it is a pathetic, uncomely sight for anyone to look at, so he picks himself up and practically forces himself to go back to sleep with a racing mind and pounding heart and head.

Begins to focus on his hobbies despite losing interest in them, and the perceptions of what the world around him wants him to be in order to distract himself from his growing depression- he’s a child, so he doesn’t know how to deal with such things. Thoughts that doubt his true identity and self-worth, as well as his validity and contribution to the world begin to seep in- Michael’s teasing starts to escalate, and so does the apathy and negligent bite of his family and friends, and he becomes prone to mood swings and lashing out more frequently, though he does grow soft around Elizabeth. 

Nightmares begin to show up, so does psychosis and self-destructive tendencies. Evan locks himself away in his room more often, and insomnia and appetite swings begin to show up- he loses a lot of weight, and Eleanor begins to worry. He vehemently denies any evidence of his growing depression because, again, he doesn’t know. Rarely gets along with either Elizabeth or Michael as his mental state worsens, and his relationship with William grows more distant as the rest of his relationships begin to deteriorate. Symptoms become physical- he becomes deeply tormented by body aches, frequent crying, episodes of hysteria and mania, mental breakdowns, destructive behavior, etc. He throws himself deeper into isolation and attempted distraction instead of reaching out his hand.

Evan is at his absolute lowest point- he doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. Feels like he has no say, no control, no power over his life, destiny and identity. He becomes afraid of who he is and desperately tries to push others away, only for them to reject him when he tries to open himself up. He feels as if there’s no hope for the future anymore, that humanity has betrayed him (the cynical and misanthropic, hateful mindset he gains), and that he can never find peace and happiness in life.

The bite happens- his soul splits into two fragments and are essentially ‘cleansed’ in a way from having their memories erased and reset temporarily, their existing forms reset themselves- the fragment of Evan containing his consciousness is crafted into a Creation, and his body is repurposed and reforged as a vessel via technology, robotics and body reconstruction procedures- Gregory. The 57-year long slumber he was sealed deep into also served to, y’know, serve as a source of providing him peace and security on a subconscious level while he was asleep.

Killing the techs that abducted him from his resting grounds impacted Gregory mentally to a pretty big degree, but that was soon brushed aside in priority of regaining his memories. He notices that the nightmares are gone, yet still feels empty even with their absence. After a good and healthy cry celebrating the revival of his memories and the remembrance of who he once was, what he once had, he sets out to fulfill his goals at any cost, even if it means walking the darker side of humanity. He does several morally questionable and even downright despicable acts in order to grow closer to his dream, and becomes increasingly frustrated when his plans are opposed by unforeseen circumstances and his progress is hindered, however, his sense of self-worth and identity is getting stronger by the day. It is on this day that he gains burning optimism and idealism from the idea that he deserves a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life and future, that he worked hard for it and that it was his birthright ever since the very beginning. It is also on this day that he gains an unshakeable, rigid and undying spirit, willing to fight for what he loves and what he believes in no matter what.

Gregory’s sense of confidence and faith in himself and his abilities grows, and his strategic planning, intelligence, prediction and tact grow frighteningly. He gains back his sense of humor, as well as his kindness, benevolence and compassion towards his family and those he loves behind his sharp and brash exterior. He also reignites some twisted form of hope for the future, which in turn also gives him back his motivation and work ethic. He is still lonely, and has very little time to relax- he himself knows this fact very well, and internally laments it. He also develops a strong bond with Glamrock Freddy and grows incredibly attached to him on an emotional and familial level, considering him to be both family and a close friend- the first healthy and truly genuine bond he can nurture. The first person he can reach out his hand to, knowing that he will grab it without any hesitation.

After the revelation of Freddy’s and Vanessa/Vanny’s true identities, as well as the revelation of the secrets hiding beneath the Pizzaplex, Gregory is obviously shocked- however, he realizes and finally acknowledges his growth and worth as a person whilst simultaneously engaging in introspection in both the right and wrong things he has done. He comes to accept, validate and love himself for who he is and who he shall become, deciding that he shall make that decision for himself- that there is hope for the future and that he is in control. He also embraces his personhood, both the good and bad qualities, as well as the multitude of new opportunities and possibilities his new life had to present itself before him, and begins to trust and care for others again, looking towards the future with hope in his eyes- things are getting better. Gregory/Evan finally has inner peace, and he considers his goals achieved and his mission accomplished. He has come full circle and risen from the ashes, a feat thought previously impossible. But this is only the beginning- his journey is still far from over.

#fnaf project samsara au #reincarnated vessel gregory #fnaf security breach #crying child #crying child fnaf #evan afton #fnaf #gregevan/gregbot/gregvessel #fnaf gregory #michael afton #glamrock freddy #glammike #vanny/vanessa #elizabeth afton #vanbeth #my au #stages of depression

[defiantbird]

Aight I finished Azure Gleam. Here are some disorganized thoughts.

TL;DR it was ok. Best part was the character interactions, gameplay and storyline were meh.

It wasn't terrible. I was glad to find that it was more "what if this other stuff happened instead?" instead of "what if they never met Byleth?"

I don't love the gameplay. It's alright but it got pretty tedious, though admittedly I think I leveled too fast and things got too easy or something.

The story was underwhelming. As much as it was nice to see everyone get good things, it just wasn't compelling. It's great that Dimitri got revenge and never had a feral stage, but it didn't actually feel resolved at all. What made AM compelling was how he had to learn that revenge wasn't going to heal him, and that he would be wrestling with his mental illness forever. The moment at the end where he tells Byleth that he's going to visit his loved ones graves for the first time in years? So good! It's him saying that recovery is a process and he can grieve his loved ones instead of being terrified of their judgement! So like...great that he got answers in Hopes but I don't feel like he actually got better?

Shez was equally meh. She felt like a generic protagonist, almost annoyingly plucky. I just didn't get attached to her at all.

As mentioned, the character interactions were the best. It was nice to see the Faerghus 4 really addressing their trauma together, along with Dedue. It was awesome seeing Duscur soldiers in camp and being able to talk to them and get their perspective a little.

I was expecting more of Sothis. She was there for a bit and seemed to have strong feelings on things, but we never got more of an explanation of her knowledge of Epimenides. Also, when you defeat Thales, Rhea speaks about cleansing the world herself...I'm guessing she has similar beef with humans but plans to fix it more through control than through destruction? Or is she talking specifically about Agarthans? Idk still a lot of questions on all of that.

I'm interpreting Edelgard's behavior as like...having reverted to her child-self. It was really interesting but I wish they delved more into it. It honestly seemed strange that when she seemed to remember Dimitri, he just decided to walk away and not deal with it. I feel like he's cared about that a lot and he gave up on it really quick in the name of forgetting the past.

Other thoughts aside from things I've already expressed elsewhere-

- Byleth my beloved. Her interactions with Jeralt were my fave part of the game.

- Jeralt just being like "Yeah Byleth's weird. She's my world tho. If I die try to be her friend aight?"

- So much Faerghus lore, with the more casual stuff being most enjoyable, like Rodrigue talking about how people get super competitive in snowball fights.

- More Glenn characterization ❤️ His letter was everything I've wanted about him.

- Child: Did you see that big funny knight who's carrying entire carts of stuff?

Yuri:...oh my fucking god Dimitri are you serious

- Felix has a cat now it's canon

- Also canonized: Dimitri falling asleep facedown on his paperwork and people having heart attacks thinking he's dead

- Shez: Let's relax in the woods!

Dimitri: Haha someone could easily jump out and stab me in the back 😬

Anyway, idk if I'm gonna play the other routes after a break or just watch them at some point.

- Are we serious with Jeralt being like "you might have been a student or Garreg Mach...cause it's not like you're qualified to be a teacher lol" and Byleth like "hmmm"

- Ngl, I felt like Sylvain was stripped of a lot of his character. Again, this was long the lines of "glad everyone is happy but now there's no conflict"

#few3h spoilers #azure gleam spoilers