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khunvegas · 4 years

Note

prompt: buck has an onlyfans and eddie finds it

ANON, I’M SO SORRY, SWEETIE. Time is a tricky thing but I did it. Here it is, my greatest attempt.

AO3

Eddie deleted Grindr and Tinder for the nth time that week.

It's always the same: the guy wants to meet, usually at Eddie's place, or sends a picture of themselves and then wants to meet and Eddie can't do that. He can't have a parade of men walking in and out of his house. Christopher might see that and how can you explain your 9-year-old that you're horny as fuck? But that you also catch feelings fast. And what if he catches feelings for a hook up?

Absolutely no.

He needs something more subtle and that doesn't include any sort of meeting.

Eddie can endure this dryness in his life just for the sake of Chris not knowing what's up.

He can't also tell his monumental crush how he feels because turns out Eddie is emotionally constipated and speaking about his feelings turns him into a blabbering mess or he straight-up can't speak.

So, apps like these should do the trick.

Eddie heard from one of his coworkers about this relatively new app called OnlyFans, saying that if he didn't want any awkward meetings, that was the best one.

With that in mind, he opens the app already downloaded in his phone and his log in already saved. Eddie did all of this before but he never had the courage to open it.

When he asked about it to Hen, because he knew she would keep it a secret, she explained to him that it was like Instagram— he knows what that is, he’s not that old and out of touch—, but that he has to pay first before seeing anything. He ignored the fact that Hen knew everything about it; that wasn’t his business.

He scrolls down, trying to find someone that catches his eye but no one really does. Eddie doesn’t consider himself picky but if he’s going to waste money on someone, it should be worth his money, right?

God, that sounds awful.

After 10 minutes of scrolling, he stops when he sees the profile picture of this man. It was just his mouth, nothing out of the ordinary, but there was something so captivating about those plump, rose lips. Kissable lips. And Eddie, well, he’s a weak man. His face is covered with a mask, which is a shame because Eddie has a strong feeling that his face is as beautiful as those lips.

His username is EV-B, which is as vague as the profile picture but Eddie can’t just ignore him, so he pays the subscription and he pays for a pack because he’s horny like that.

What he sees then, it makes him choke on his own saliva, already making him hard because how is this man real?

Again, Eddie can’t see his face but he supposes it’s not that important when he can see the rest. All that skin and hard muscle for Eddie to see, laying on a bed with one hand stroking himself and the other fucking himself with a pink dildo. It’s mind-blowing the effect this stranger has on him and for a short minute, he wishes he could have him here with him just to see if that skin is as soft to the touch as he thinks it is.

Might be his mind and his body aligning themselves just to prove Eddie how horny he is, but the man looks beautiful. The next phot is the man sitting down but the focus of the photo is his hardened cock, all flushed and pink, with a dollop of precum already at the tip.

Eddie swallows dry, and because he can’t stop himself now, he sneaks a hand under his pants and start stroking himself slowly, working up the speed while looking at the photo. He wishes he could be the getting him off, like he supposes the man needs. Eddie imagines getting the sweetest noises and the loudest moans from the man, driving him until the edge, kissing those thick thighs, leaving the most beautiful hickeys on that fair skin. Make him scream his name until he’s throat is sore. His back arching accompanied with a loud gasp, blunt nails digging into his own back and then he’s coming, calling Eddie’s name. Then he would open his eyes and would see hazy, ocean eyes.

And Eddie comes hard, it comes to him like a freight train, with those eyes in mind. He throws his phone to the other side of the bed and sighs loudly. Damnit. Maybe his problem is not the fact that he doesn’t want to bring anyone but the deeply need to bring one man only to his bed.

It’s a shame it’s his best friend.

∞

The next day, he’s putting his things in his locker when he sees Hen walking in.

“I really hope today is like yesterday,” she comments next to him, putting her things in her locker. “We need more days getting cats from a tree. It’s therapeutic.”

Eddie snorts. “We really do.” Nothing like a shift where nothing catastrophic happens and he’s not sore at the end of the day.

He can feel her gaze on him and when he turns, she’s almost studying him. She hums. “You look pretty well rested today. You got those 8 hours of sleep?”

He turns his head back around, successfully avoiding her gaze. Not because he feels like Hen would judge him but it’s kind of embarrassing for one of his coworkers to know that he uses an app like that. “Something like that.”

She hums again and Eddie doesn’t feel her gaze anymore. “That’s good. I’m guessing it worked whatever you did.”

Eddie nods, not trusting himself to speak about it. He’s grateful that Hen explained to him the works and wonders of this app but he wasn’t ready to talk about it like that in the open.

Right at that moment, Chim and Buck showed up, Buck grabbing his attention instantly, his smile already directed towards Eddie

“What are we talking?” Chim asks, plopping himself on the bench and looking at them.

“I was just saying that we should get more shifts like yesterday,” Hen says, raising her foot on the bench to tie her shoelaces.

They start bickering about something but Eddie just tuns them out when he feels Buck next to him, brushing his hand on his shoulder like always.

“Are we in for tonight?” Buck asks, a wide smile still on his lips.

And Eddie wants so kiss him so badly, he doesn’t know how long he will last like this. He nods. “Yeah. Chris won’t be there tonight, though. He’s staying at a friend’s house.”

Buck looks like he’s thinking about it, pondering his options. “Well, you’ll do.”

Rude. “I’m not good enough for you now?”

Buck shrugs, playing cryptic. “I mean, you’re not my favorite Diaz but it’s fine. You’re fine.”

Eddie rolls his eyes at his antics but can’t help to feel elated anyways. Some part of him is always telling him that this feels a lot like flirting but they are not, they are just friends and nothing will change because Buck hasn’t showed any romantic feelings towards him and while he says that he loves Chris, Buck is too young to have a son from another man. He can keep his feelings and his lustful wishes to himself.

“Are you guys done with the flirting?” Chim yells at them, sending them a pointed look. “We on shift now.”

They both roll their eyes and then Buck is ushering Chim out of their locker room with a “shut up. It’s not flirting.”

It just Hen and Eddie this time. Eddie is looking at him like she knows something.

“What?” He barked.

Hen raises her hands, like she doesn’t want anything to do with whatever business Eddie has but she still has a knowing smirk. “Nothing, lover boy.”

She knows. Of course she knows. It’s Hen, she always knows what’s going on. But before he can say anything, she’s already leaving.

He sighs but still he follows her because they have work to do today.

∞

Buck throws the controller on the coffee table and turns to Eddie with a winning smile on his stupid face. Eddie loves him but he also hates him.

“That was the fifth time now,” Buck says, “you need to learn to give up now, Eds.”

He also needs to control himself whenever Buck calls him like that but he can’t, it’s impossible for him now not to feel things for this man right here. “Maybe you should let me win.”

Buck stares at him a moment longer than should be considered normal. “Maybe I should.”

Eddie swallows thickly and turns his head back to the TV, avoiding Buck’s piercing gaze. Looking at those eyes brings back the memories from last night and he feels shameful for using his best friend to get off. It feels all kids of dirty.

“I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back,” Buck says, standing up and leaving the living room.

Eddie needs to get a hold of himself and his feelings. He knows he’s been subtle about it, at least when Buck is around but whenever Buck looks at him like that, like nothing else matters, Eddie wants, wishes, to take that leap of faith and tell him how Eddie feels.

He’s still pondering on his thoughts when Buck’s phone starts ringing. Looking down, he sees an unsaved number but that’s not what catches his attention. Not, it’s the background image. A mask. Same mask that this guy had from the photos.

Maybe he— No that can’t be right. Anyone could have that mask and the guy from the photos doesn’t have tattoos and Buck has plenty of them… Not that he has stared at Buck while naked but they are on plain sight, he can’t just ignore them. But that mask looks very particular to be used by anyone. He has to know if this only a coincidence.

“Ready for another round?” Buck asks when he comes back, smile on his face, cocky as always.

Eddie rolls his eyes but he can’t say no, never to Buck. “Someone was calling you.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Buck leaning over the table and grabbing his phone. He’s frowning but he doesn’t pay attention to the missed call and pockets his phone.

Eddie frowns too; maybe this is an annoying hook-up? Is Buck dating again? He should have told him, right? Because they tell each other that kind of things.

They start their sixth round but Eddie can’t let go the thought of that damned mask. “I wasn’t snooping or anything but I saw… Your background picture is a mask,” he says lamely, like that was enough of an explanation. He hates himself.

He sees Buck frowning. “A mask? What about it?”

“Do you wear it a lot?” Eddie asks, and winces at how bad he is to get information as subtle as possible.

Silence. The only sound is the one coming from their controllers and then Buck is pausing the game, turning towards him.

“Where are you getting at?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s the thing with this mask you’re asking?”

Eddie tries to look at him and hold his gaze; he feels shameful that he’s even asking about this and putting himself on the spot. “Nothing.”

Buck raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t believe him.

He sighs. This is his best friend, surely Buck wouldn’t judge him for his late-night activities. “I downloaded this app that let me buy photos from different people and this guy had the same mask.”

“And you thought it was me?”

“I know it sounds crazy,” Eddie says, trying his hardest not to sound judgmental, “I know it’s not you, it’s just–”

“Oh, you mean photos like these?” And then Buck is getting his phone back out of his pocket and then he’s showing the same photo Eddie was almost salivating last night. He looks past the phone just to see Buck smirking. “I look good, huh?”

Eddie starts stuttering because there’s no way, no way this is happening. “But you– That’s– He doesn’t have tattoos.”

Buck shrugs. “Make-up. And before you ask, no one is forcing me or anything but it would be great is Maddie doesn’t know.” He grabs the controller back.

“You’re not weirded out?” Eddie ask, to which Buck turns to him confused. “I just… saw you naked.” And the whole situation from last night, takes another meaning. Shame and lust are mix right now in the pit of his stomach. Eddie can’t work with convoluted feelings like these.

Instead of Buck being uncomfortable with him, he shoots him a heated look and his smirk turns sharper. “Why would I? That has been my plan all along. Honestly, Eds, I thought you would realize after all this time.”

He knows his eyes are big as saucers and he’s more than confused and horny at the same time. He can’t speak and what is going on?”

“Realize what?”

Buck shrugs and turns back to the TV. “That I like you.”

Eddie wants to say he does too but his words get stuck on his throat and this is really happening.

“If you win this round, I’ll show you the real thing.”

Eddie chokes on his saliva again but he’s not one to back out of a challenge, especially when the “prize” involves this long-time crush he’s been harboring since he came to work with the 118.

“I like you too,” Eddie mumbles, like it’s necessary after this conversation.

Buck is not looking at him but Eddie can see the wide and pride smile he has and Eddie can’t wait until he can finally kiss those lips.

He doesn’t need any other app anymore.

------

(you guys can always support me buying me coffee :’) here)

#this is good i SWEAR #buddie #buddie fanfiction #9 1 1 fox #i wanted to write some smut BUT HEY #i didn't happen. my bad

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morrisondauthor · 5 years

Text

“Hookup”

I rarely used Grindr because it was full of fake profiles and paranoid DL men, but I was in a mood that night. I was swiping through profiles when a guy messaged me his phone number. I checked out his profile but the only pic he had up was a pixelated pic of what looked like a pair of shoes. I sent him a message back saying I wasn’t interested and when he asked why, I told him because he had no pics up. He then sent a message telling me to call him and I wouldn’t regret it. I was going to block him and move on but something told me to give it a try. So, I called him.

“Wassup,” he said to me after answering the call on the second ring.

“Are you gonna send me a pic?” I asked immediately.

He laughed and said, “Why send a pic when you can come see me in public?”

“Your profile said you’re on the low. How can we meet in public if you’re on the low?”

“Ain’t nobody really in here right now. The store will be closin’ soon.”

“Store? What store?”

“Target. I’m in the snack shop part of the store. If you wanna meet up then get yo fine ass down here. Your pics look sexy as fuck, bruh.”

Flattered, I laughed a little and asked, “You’re at the Target in Fairmount Plaza?”

“Yep. I’m sittin’ at a table with my dick on brick thinkin’ about what yo head game must be like. Them lips look like they can do some damage. I ain’t never been sucked up by a dude before.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nah, but I heard y’all know what to do. I need my dick slurped on and gagged on for real. I ain’t nutted in over a week.”

“Alright, let me throw on some clothes and I’ll come meet you. If you’re on any kind of bullshit, I swear I will put you on blast in public.”

He laughed again and said, “Bruh, I ain’t on that bullshit. You’ll see.”

“I’ll be there shortly.”

“Bet.”

I ended the call and tried not to get excited or get my hopes up. I really needed some dick that night and I admit I was a little turned on by the fact that he’d never been with another guy before. True curious men were like unicorns and it was always amazing seeing their reactions to some of the things I’d do to them. Before leaving to go meet up with my Grindr hookup, I told myself that if it didn’t work out then I could still jackoff while one of my anal toys was up in my ass.

Me (Marc)

When I arrived at Target, I was a little anxious. I’d met guys in public before but something about this time felt different and I didn’t know why. I made my way to the snack shop in the store and saw two guys in there; one was at the counter talking to a cashier and the other was sitting at the table. He was sitting on top of the bench by himself so I knew it was him. He was a little too skinny for my taste but he was sexy. He did look a little rough though, like he could have been in a gang or something. Still, he was sexy.

“Wassup,” I said as I approached him. “I’m Marc.”

He gave me a look and then licked his lips before saying, “Wassup, bruh. My name’s Dre.”

Dre

I looked at him for a little while without saying anything and then asked, “Are you really into this?”

“Yeah, bruh. You good or nah? Because I need to tell my boys not to come pick me up from here.”

“You didn’t drive here?”

“I don’t have a car.”

“Oh.” I thought about it for a second and then told him, “You’re good. Come on, man.”

He hopped down from the bench and texted his friends while following me out of the store. We got into my car but I wasn’t going to take him back to my place without knowing a few things about him first. Noticing that I wasn’t starting the car, he looked at me and asked, “Why you ain’t start the car yet?”

“Because I need to know some things about you first. What’s your status?”

“My what?”

“Your health status? You clean or do you have something? Because I need to know if I gotta stop by another store and pick up some condoms.”

“I’m clean but if you don’t trust it then you can stop by a store and I can buy some rubbers. I need to get somethin’ to drink anyway.”

“Can I see your dick before we leave this parking lot?”

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders before reaching into his pants and underwear and pulling his semi-hard dick out. It was thick and long as fuck. I reached over to grab it and he quickly put it away and said, “Nah, you don’t get to touch until we’re at your place. Shit, you can touch it and slob on it and ride it all you want at your place.”

I was satisfied enough to start my car up and drive out of the Target parking lot. I stopped at a convenience store near my apartment so that he could buy the condoms and something to drink for himself. When he got back in the car, he put his hand in his pants and played with his dick. It took a lot of self-restraint for me not to pull over on the side of the road and suck his dick right there in my car. We made it to my apartment complex and I wasted no time getting him up to my apartment.

“I gotta warn you, I’m a freak,” I said to him while closing and locking my door. I turned around to see he had a gun aimed at my head. Fear immediately took over me as I asked, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“My bad, bruh. This shit ain’t personal.”

“Man, if you…”

“I don’t want this shit to go bad, nigga. You need to chill. All I want is whatever money you got on you and any chains or rings you might have up in this apartment.”

“All I got is forty dollars in my wallet. I got a gold Rolex in my bedroom.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes, that’s it?”

“Give me your wallet. And do it slow. This is a revolver, bruh. This shit don’t jam and it will fuck you up.” Slowly, I pulled my wallet from my pocket and handed it to him. He immediately took out the forty dollars I had inside. He then looked through it and pulled out my debit card and asked, “How much money you got in your account?”

“Not much.”

He laughed a little and said, “Yeah, we’ll see about that.” He pointed to my sofa with the gun and said, “Have a seat.”

I sat down and while he was looking through my wallet again, I slowly pulled my phone from my pocket and texted ‘Call 911 2 my place NOW’ to my friend Kelly. When Dre looked back up, I told him, “Here’s my phone, man. Just want you to know I’m not gonna try anything tricky.”

“See, I knew you’d be easy to do this with. Most faggots do dumb shit or panic and I have to put my hands on them. I mean, I wanted to knock the shit outta you when you made me pull my dick out in the car but I ain’t gonna do you like that. My dick is nice though, right?”

“Man, I gave you the money in my wallet and you got my debit card. Why are you still here?”

“Nigga, you drove me here, remember? I’m not gonna steal your ride to get out this bitch so the cops can track me down quick. Besides, we’re gonna need you to use this card at the ATM.”

“We’re?”

“Me and my homeboys. I gotta call them and tell them where I’m at so they can come get me and you. Well, we gotta steal your TVs and computer and shit first.” He pulled out his phone and called his friends. “Yo, Breeze, you not gonna believe this shit, nigga. I got another one, bruh. I know, right?” He laughed and continued, “Come to the River West Bank apartments off of Stafford Road. The apartment is in section C and the number is C306. A’ight, nigga. Hurry the fuck up.” He ended the call and looked at me and smiled as he said, “Now, all we gotta do is wait.”

“So, this is what you and your boys do?” I asked as I relaxed on my sofa. “You trick gay men on dating apps and rob them? That’s fucked up.”

“The world is fucked up, Marc. And don’t act like you’ve never finessed anybody out of some money.”

“I haven’t. I work for the shit I got. I work over forty hours a week at a job I fucking hate to make a living. I never had to rob anybody or do some dumb shit that could get me locked up.”

“Well, I ain’t gonna get locked up because I’m always careful.”

I looked away from him and said, “Yeah, I bet you are.”

He sat down on my lounge chair across from me and kept the gun aimed at me. After a moment of silence, he asked, “Why do you use a fuckin’ app anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

“It ain’t like you’re a bad lookin’ dude. You fuck with bitches and niggas?”

“I like men with dicks. Anything outside of that category is a no.”

He laughed and shook his head before saying, “You faggot ass niggas are a trip, I swear. What makes a man want to put a dick up his ass?”

“What makes a man do anything he wants to do, Dre?” I rolled my eyes and asked, “How long is it going to take your friends to get here?”

“They said about an hour.”

“Are you serious? Man, I got work in the morning. Look, how about me and you disconnect my TV in here and the one in my bedroom and put them by the door? We can also get my watch and other shit you can take.”

He laughed and asked, “You wanna help me rob you?”

“Like I said, I got work in the morning. I can always replace TVs and the money in my account.”

“Okay, but remember, if you try anything then I will shoot the fuck outta you.”

“Fine, whatever. Come on.”

I stood up and he stood up, too. He put the gun in his jacket pocket and we went over to my TV. I disconnected it from the cable line in the wall and unplugged it before disconnecting my Blu-ray player and soundbar system. Together, we unmounted the fifty-five-inch LED screen TV from my living room wall. Carefully, we set it down by my door. When we went into my bedroom to get my other TV, I immediately noticed I’d left my ironing board up with my iron sitting on top of it.

“Damn, the one in here is even bigger,” he said while looking at my TV.

“Yeah, it’s a sixty-five-inch,” I said.

His back was to me because he was so fixated on my TV. He took a step towards it and without leaving a single opportunity for error, I picked up my iron and hit him in the back of the head with it as hard as I could, knocking his snapback cap off. He dropped to the floor and when he slowly tried to get back up, I hit him again even harder. I then stomped his head hard. When I saw blood leaking onto my carpet, I knew he was either knocked out or dead. I quickly reached into his pocket and pulled the gun out. I honestly didn’t want to do him like that but I had no other options. Not a second later, I heard police sirens. I looked back at Dre to see he was flinching on the floor.

“Fuck,” he said while coughing. “Why you do that, man?” He grabbed the back of his head and winced in pain.

“Shut the fuck up,” I said to him as I left my bedroom. I placed the gun on my living room coffee table and opened the door just as the police were coming up the steps towards my apartment. I put my hands up and told them, “I live here. The motherfucker who tried to rob me is in my bedroom.”

I let them inside and they placed Dre under arrest and called for paramedics because of his head wounds. I almost forgot that Dre’s friends were on the way but I told the police and they quickly put a sting operation together. Four cops hid in my kitchen while three more stood in my hallway while my front door was wide open for Dre’s friends to walk in. When the five of them entered, they were immediately arrested. I couldn’t believe everything that had happened that night in my apartment. I was mad as fuck about it all but most of my anger was with myself. I shouldn’t have brought Dre back to my place since I didn’t know him. I’d always thought meeting someone out in public was the right thing to do, but I realized it takes even more precaution when dealing with dating apps.

Weeks later, I learned that Dre and his buddies were responsible for over fifty different situations involving them robbing gay and bi men they met on Grindr and Jack’d. I was their last victim and that was only by me taking dangerous chances to mess up their robbing process. What would have happened had I not hit Dre with that iron? Some of the men he and his friends had robbed were beaten and brutalized by them. One was shot in the chest and nearly died. I was lucky to have survived with no injuries but I did feel bad for all the others. To this day, I’m dealing with harassment from the families of Dre and his criminal friends who allege I lured them into a trap. Who would have known so much bad shit could come from one random hookup?

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

#D.A. Morrison #short story #drama #suspense #predator #robber #criminal #dating apps #dangerous #danger #beware #be careful #black lgbt #lgbt fiction #fiction #tw

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sharkfish · 4 years

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ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too:

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post)

A Change of Scene by SurlyCat

When Dean goes over to see his Dom on Christmas Eve, he isn't expecting Cas to play naughty Santa, and neither of them is expecting how it turns out for them.

ooooomg fuck me up with that sex to lovers thing featuring bdsm. yessssss

A Room of His Own (or not) by Valinde (Valyria)

Dean took a deep breath and reassessed the situation. He was in bed with a guy, sure, and technically they were snuggling, but it was Cas. The guy had absolutely no reference on what was appropriate physical contact between two dudes sharing a bed in the... normal, completely unsexy, no-funny-business, way.

cas is fallen, dean is confused (what else is new), A+ cuddling. that’s the fic.

Boys On Film by LoversAntiquities @tragidean

But maybe that’s what it is—maybe Castiel’s finally realized something Dean is too chicken to admit, despite the fact he’s been jerking off to the idea of Castiel fucking him for the past few weeks. The idea warms him as much as it pains him to think about, his friend not being able to talk to him about something like that. That has to be it—it’s the only explanation. Castiel likes him.

“Or maybe he knows you do cam shows.”

Dean chokes on his burger.

idk what to say, i love a good sex worker fic and here you go. @tragidean is always here with that first-class content.

Castiel's Angel by Valinde (Valyria) @valinde

The angel took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. He was fidgeting Cas noticed. Usually he was so bizarrely at ease in his human form, lounging around and tossing winks and smirks at anyone with a pulse. That more than anything had Cas straightening on his stool and wishing he was a little less tipsy.

“Ineedyoutogroommywings,” Dean muttered in one long, almost unintelligible, string. He was blushing.

all my fellow wing hos should flock* to this fic. i also love me a good switcharoo with angel dean (and hunter cas, as this is an alternate canon universe). and dean gets all claim-y, which is also my jam.

*this was unintentional but a pretty funny joke

For Science! by pm_lo

Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation.

i believe this was the first abo fic i added to my bookmarks. story time: many, many moons ago, i kept track of my reading list. i was doing that “50 books a year” thing so it was mostly for tracking that, but i had another tab for fics, because i read few enough that i could track them. i rated things and sometimes left notes, and by all the abo ones i was like “don’t tell anyone i read this.” yes, i shamed myself for liking abo. it was a dark time in my life.

anyway, then i read this, and was like, all right i can see what’s going on here.

this is a great fic for multiple reasons, and the format is one. it’s written as dialogue-only transcripts from their experiment. it’s hard to make that kind of format work, but pm_lo ain’t fucking around.

Just a Stranger On the Bus by Amelia_Clark

December 31 9:32 PM When Castiel boards the bus in KC, they think it’s empty at first—but when they toss their backpack onto an aisle seat and climb in after it, there’s a muffled yelp from the dimness at the back of the bus. They turn in time to see a man in a faded Carharrt jacket, sitting up and yawning as he rubs sleep out of his eyes. The man’s hair is greasy and matted down on one side, and there’s drool on the side of his face; nonetheless, he’s ridiculously good-looking.

“Hey man,” he says. Castiel does not correct him. “This can’t be Chicago.”

the non-binary tag, just like the trans tags in general, are a house half-built and left to rot in the rain. even if that wasn’t true, this series is goddamn amazing. also there’s rimming. also there’s a line in there that said something like “they don’t dislike their body, it just never felt like theirs” and i had a lightbulb moment irt my own experience. did dean ever wear carharrt in the actual series? if not, mistakes have been made.

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl @porcupine-girl

Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives.

It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Well, here we go, he thinks as he opens the refrigerator and digs around for sandwich supplies. First day of the rest of your life. Time to move the fuck on. As he slams his meat and mayo and pickles down on the counter, he considers adding the bottle of whiskey he knows is hiding in the cabinet, but decides that he has enough self-respect to wait 'til five. Then he'll get fucking blackout drunk. Yep. Awesome.

y’all, do i even have to say anything about this? roommates to friends to a pathetic amount of pining without saying shit to disgustingly in love. also i think i cried, but i’ve been in tears so many times in the last week, who’s to say.

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat @ceeainthereforthat

Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend.

Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

there are a lot of great fake dating stories out there, but this one takes the cake (or, at least, a slice of it). also, i cried a lot rereading this, both “ohhh god i love their love” tears and also “ohhhh god this hurts so bad” tears.

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche)

Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.

they’re both oblivious idiots in love, cas is grey-ace, dean’s a total dork, it’s all just very lovely (and frustrating in the way oblivious idiots can be!!!).

PS - annie d is writing marvel fic lately and i’m sure it’s fantastic if you’re into that kind of thing.

Support Your Local Gay Beekeeper by Powerfulweak

It’s not like Dean goes on Grindr very often, just when he’s bored and alone. The blue-eyed guy's profile reads "Beekeeper, 29, 5'10, Single, I watch the bees." Dean is intrigued. He has to send a message.

this is a series that starts with some great phone sex and then goes on to very, very awkward sex injuries. a goddamn cringefest that had me in complete horror imagining it. but it’s fun! they persevere! people so rarely write about Sex Going Wrong and i love @powerfulweak for taking the bullet for us on that one.

Take Me Home Tonight by Persephoneshadow @persephoneshadow

“Come on, we’re finding you someone to…engage with sexually or whatever,” Dean explains, chancing another swig of beer before going on. “Anyone in this bar, no limits, who would you would be your top choice to bang?” “Well, you, ideally.” Dean spits out some beer before collapsing in on himself, legitimately choking this time. “Excuse me?!” ---- Or the one where Cas wants to have sex and Dean is there to help.

your classic denialist “i’ll be your wingman” turning to “actually imagining someone else touching you makes me want to punch someone.” which is dumb, because cas actually wanted dean all along.

Words with Friends by betts

"Dean Winchester is as straight as an arrow. He’s a lady’s man of epic proportions: the king of the one night stand, the messiah of the friends with benefits paradigm, the emperor of perpetual bachelorhood.

Except, apparently, when it comes to his best friend, Castiel Novak."

***

Wherein a longstanding acquaintanceship leads to friendship, then best friendship, then sexting, then dirty talk, then mutual masturbation, then, inevitably, fucking.

look i think you’re always in good hands with @bettsfic. but this one has some good sexting and phone sex right at the start, which i’m totally into, and then it gets even better. cas is a lil bossy, by which i meant to say he’s the kind of bdsm geek who has equipment installed in his bedroom for sex purposes.

You're The Only Stranger I Need by lyndsie_l

When Castiel receives a text from a stranger, he finds himself engaging in conversations daily. He's drawn to the outgoing college student and longs to interact with the other man as often as he can. Slowly, he finds himself falling in love with the other and can't imagine ever meeting a more beautiful person.

The only problem?

He's never actually met this other man.

be still my heart! a long distance/texting/phone sex thing! i want to read it again right this second. cas is such a cool nerd, dean is a brat, it’s a good time all around.

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :)

#sharkrecs #sharklist

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lifeofanadultsucks · 5 years

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Fuck.

Hey there my nonexistent readers. I hope all is well in your world. I know I have been off the radar for a while, but I am back. My goal for 2019 is to post more, it is never too late to get started on a goal.

Okay, today’s topic is a topic that comes up quite often in conversations with my friends. The topic for today is DATING! Yup, good old fashion dating. Please do not get confused, this is not about love or relationships, this is about the search in finding that person.

Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend, who happens to be gay, and he said that dating as a gay man is difficult and that women have it easy in the dating. In this conversation, he argued that gay men that do not have the nicest body or this certain “look” then it is harder to find a man. Being gay and single by the time you are 30, just means you are going to end up alone. He is gay and he is 27, so he still has some years. Keep in mind, my friend is not ugly, he has an average body, and in my eyes he is dateable. I understand his pain, and, trust, I know his frustration. I was about to sympathize until he said, “Women have it so much easier when it comes to dating.”

That was my exact face followed by a “bitch what”. That comment alone got me thinking.

I have been single for the past 7 years. My last and only adult relationship happened and ended when I was 21. We were only together for roughly three months and kept in contact for about 6 months. Contact=sex. I am not going to go into the logistics of why we broke up, just know I was really heartbroken when we called it quits. Listen, you cannot be with me and not tell me you have a wife and boyfriend...yeah...broke my damn heart. He was a class A asshole. Anyway, I have been single for quite some YEARS and the older you get, the harder it becomes to find someone.

There are numerous ways to meet people online, there is Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk, Match, Eharmony, FarmersOnly, Black People Meet, Christian Mingle, Grindr, and the list goes on. So you would think with all of these sites meeting someone would come easy right? WRONG!! It is so fucking hard to get a date, I am being dead ass serious. I meet guys online all the time, but our conversation never goes past the second or third day. I can’t even get a guy to go to dinner for conversation and drinks. Fuck dinner, I can't even get drinks. I have been in the dating game for 7 years, I have been on a handful of dates, majority bad, a few okay, and a great deal of no shows. I know all about being single and almost 30.

Let me say this before I proceed, there is nothing wrong with being single. There are times when I enjoy it. I love my freedom. I love just doing what I want when I want. I enjoy discovering who I am and I want I want both in and out of a relationship. I am not going to lie, being single has its perks. It is nice. I know some people in a relationship who loved to be single. I understand that 100%. I enjoy my time, but I wouldn't mind sharing my time with someone.

After that conversation with my male friend, I started talking to another friend of mine who happens to be on an online dating app called Hinge. I told her about the conversation I just had about dating. Like me, she agreed that dating for a female is also difficult. It wasn't until our conversation that I realized, “I am lonely as fuck.” I am serious. I have been single for 7 years. In that time frame, I have had friends have multiple relationships, have a relationship, get engaged, get married, and have children. No focusing on the order, the matter of the fact is they have accomplished. In my love life, I long list of one night stands and random hookups plus one shitty ass two-month relationship. And yeah, I am almost 30. In that area of my life, I have nothing to show for it but some wild stories that will make my mom disown me. I am sorry mom, but thank for reading.

Let me see if I can explain this correctly- it always sounds so good in my mind.

There is this curve or this timeline in which things happen that shows that you are #winning a life. By the age of 25, I should have established a relationship, have my own place, graduated college with a 4-year degree, be supporting myself, working a good job, preparing to be a mom, or having a dream of being a mom. At 25, I accomplished none of those things. Okay, I might have one of those things: a 2-year instead of a 4-year.

By the time I am 30, I should be established in a career, a loving girlfriend or wife, have plans of marriage, have children or desire children, children should be somewhere in my future, have my own place, and support myself.

I am hoping to have at least one of those goals completed by the time I am 30. I cannot begin to tell you my frustration with this curve. I see people on Facebook or Instagram posting their happy relationships and their cute children, and it makes me miserable. I could be okay if I were just casually dating for fun or hell just dating. But I have none of that. I have no boyfriend, no one I am talking to, or hell a “friend” that is a nonsexual partner but there is mad chemistry between us. Hell, it would be easier if I had a strong friend group- I do not even have that.

Am I the only one that feels like this? 27 and lonely. I do not have guys texting me. Oh, and online gets weird as FUCK. I can’t even a guy to grab a drink with me. The act of trying to date is frustrating. I used to have this friend that would tell me, “girl, just play the game”. I would respond with a “no, this is bullshit. If I do not put out right away I am a prude, if I put out too early then I am a hoe.” Sometimes there is no pleasing these men. Wait...do not let me have an opinion and feel strongly about a subject, then I am a bitch who needs to tone it down. I had a female friend of mine tell me that. She told me that I am abrasive and I need to tone it down. If I recall, she is still single.

With all of this being said, I was just wondering if I was the only one feeling like this? Older adults ask me all the time if I am married or dating, and when I tell them no, they say things like, “why are you single, you’re so pretty.” BITCH, I DO NOT KNOW, YOU THINK I WANTED TO BE SINGLE FOR 7 YEARS. Oh, my favorite is the “you’re single, you don’t get it.” I wanted to slap the shit out of that old lady when she said that. Or the question of “where is your ring?”. Shit like that gets under my fucking skin.

You think I want to be single. Wake up alone. Sit around the weekends. Do you think I like going out alone all the time? NO. That shit gets annoying. It does. I would love to take cute couples pictures, go on vacations, or meet the family. Hell, I would like to get cute and go on a date.

See how social media works. People post a photo and it makes 800 people wish they had something of that nature. Oh, online dating does nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. It frustrates me. Dating in general frustrates. How dating is portrayed in movies and mainstream frustrates. No one is offering to hook me up. Or I am not falling for my best friend’s brother--I am taking applications for a best friend, DM for details. I am just saying. Dating is hard as fuck. It does not discriminate if you are gay, straight, or Bi. It does not matter.

Dating fucking sucks! It is the absolute worst. If there was someway to make it easier would be great. Seriously. This curve of accomplishment is bullshit. I mean fuck the system. But can how can you say fuck the system when you’re still lonely. Damn. I just have to know, am I the only one who feels this way?

#dating #single #adulthood #gay #straight #bi #relationships #black girl #alone #lonely #reading #questions #interesting #friendship #goal #system #babies #marriage #7 years

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nyruratchet · 5 years

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Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry, So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again.

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”. But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.” Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening) But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies! Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me.

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel.

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning. Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

#valentines #love #unrequited love #dating #relationships #wine #sexy #fantasy #blog #broadway #feelings #mental health #survival

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zippiethehangnail · 5 years

Text

It all started with a message from Grindr. If you're unfamiliar with just what Grindr is. Grindr is a gay dating app used primarily for hook ups. And if your unfamiliar with that term then... I suggest that you refrain from reading the rest of this story.

I was sitting in the publix parking lot around 1 o'clock in the morning when i first learned of his existence. If you're wondering what i was doing at such a place at that time of night well the answer is simple. I was piggy backing off their wifi so i could get some dick. Granted this was about 2 months after a break up with a person i had been with for 5 years. So of course i was still hurting financially and couldn't afford service.

It starts out with the usual small talk and then he asks me if I'd be up to chat on the phone. So i agreed and gave him the number to my textme (which is an app that allows you to make texts and calls over wifi). So we end up chatting occasionally getting interrupted by the call dropping ( i dont recommend this app... 2 stars..) But he was very understanding about my situation.

"I know what it's like. I've Been there"

He was very charming right off the bat

And very opened

I felt like i knew him

So he suggested that i come over to his house when i had a day off

And i agreed

So fast forward a few days later. Since i had absolutely no service, and i didnt want to get lost especially since i had no way of contacting him if i did. i walked up to publix, looked up his address, and took screen shots of the route. Since he lived all the way in north fort myers and neither him nor i had any access to a car. i was forced to take the bus. The 240 to bell tower and then the 140 to the last stop which was north fort. I jumped off the bus and immediately opened my gallery. Following the route i walked up to pine island round took a left, trailed it down to Pacific, took another left all the way down to state street i took a right and began scanning the mailboxes for his address until finally i was in the driveway of a rickety old trailer with an old man perched out front in a wheel chair, enjoying his afternoon, drinking nothing but naddy ice. Noticing that id stopped in his driveway and was staring at him.. My mouth all but agaped.. He gave me a perplexed look.

"Is Stephen here?"

At that

i could see movement from the porch to the left of him.

"STEPHEN!! SOME BOY'S OUT HERE!"

He had these sparkling blue eyes that stopped me dead in my tracks. The whole time he was walking towards me i was thinking how his pictures did not do him justice. He was dirty and unkempt. His shirt was littered with oil and greese stains. But underneath all the grime and muck i could see he was handsome.

He walks up to me, his shoulders slumped and his feet dragging, and leads me into his room. Which was in the back of the porch and closes the door. He offers me some weed that he said his grandpa got for him ((the old man in the wheel chair)) so i take a hit and get down to business...

Afterwards we take a walk around the neighborhood, just chatting it up. He opened up to me about how he was a mechanic and about, how his mother pretty much abandoned him with his granmother when he was younger. About how he just got out of prison, not even a month ago, for running a scam on a client, when he had his shop (i dont think he ever had one to be honest..)

Eventually, the sun starts to set and i figure if i want to get home, i better get going so i could catch the last bus. He shrugs it off and suggests that i spend the night.

"What about your grandma?"

"Don't worry about her. I can sneek you in"

So we walk around until the sun sets and go back up to his house. He tells me to sit in the lawn chair right oustide the kitchen window because there was a gigantic beach umbrella obstructing the view of who ever was sitting in it from the inside. He goes inside, tells his grandma about his time, and how he saw me off on the bus. Or something of that nature. He comes outside, goes in his room to get the make-shift bowl fashioned out of an old beer can, comes out, and sits right next to me. He takes a hit, passes it to me, and i do the same. We keep doing this until we're too high to function.

"Do you think i can go in now?"

"No, we have to wait until she falls alseep." So he gets up, goes back in to check, and comes back out to tell me that she's still watching tv.

He then checked to see if the cost was clear grabs my hand and kisses it. All while still holding it, he lowers his arm down and scotches closer to me.

"It's a discrete hand hold."

I blush and scoot closer to him.

He looks around again and kisses me.

Maybe it was because i was high

Maybe it was because i saw this rough scraggily, mechanic, all giddy and overflowing with affection

But my heart had stopped

And i did not want that moment to ever to end

But... He starts to get restless..

He gets back up, goes back in checks,

Comes out stands in the door way of the screen door takes a hit. Goes back in checks, turns off the porch light, comes back out.

"STEPHEN!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN!?"

"NOTHING IM SMOKIN A BOOWL!"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STANDIN IN THE PORCH WITH THAT DAMN BOWL? WE HAVE NEIGHBORS AND I'M TIRED OF EVERYBODY AROUND HERE THINKING THAT WE'RE... WHITE TRASH!"

"THE NEIGHBORS ARE FUCKING DRUG DEALERS! THEY HAVE CARS COMING THROUGH HERE ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT!"

"YOU BETTER NOT BE LYIN TO ME ABOUT SENDIN THAT BOY HOME! I DONT CARE. HE IS NOT SPENDING THE NIGHT!"

"I'M NOT LYING!!"

"YOU BETTER NOT BECAUSE IF HE IS IM CALLIN THE COPS AND THEY CAN TAKE HIM HOME!"

She closes the door and goes back inside.

"Don't worry about her."

He sits next to me and hands me the bowl.

About 2 minutes later out she comes.

"STEPEN WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU! HE'S NOT SPENDING THE NIGHT."

"HE'S NOT HE'S WAITING FOR HIS MOM TO PICK HIM UP!"

"BULSHIT! Listen i want you off my property or I'm calling the police and reporting you for trespassin."

"HIS MOM IS COMING AND PICKING HIM UP!"

"NO! I AM NOT LETTING ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR ADDICT FRIENDS SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY HOUSE. LOOK AT HIM HIGH OUT OF HIS MIND! EXCUSE ME BUT CAN YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!? GET OFF MY PROPERTY!"

They then get into a screeching fight, where she brought up the fact that she had previously let one of his friends spend the night and he eventually, ended up living there. I pull Stephen aside and tell him that, we should probably go. Considering there was no way in hell that she was gonna let me sleep there.

"AND DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT COMING BACK HERE TONIGHT. I WILL BE OUT FRONT ON THIS LAWN CHAIR WITH MY SHOT GUN! IM NOT GOIN TO SLEEP!"

So it's about 11 and me and him make our way up to Wal-Mart to use their wifi. I think about calling my mom but it's useless. She'd already be in bed so that means her phone was inside and there was absolutely no cell service in her house. Evertime i called it went straight to voicemail. "Shit! What the fuck are we gonna do?"

He tries calling his friends but they're not answering. "We could always sleep in the woods. There's a spot just a few miles down the road where i used to stay when i was homeless."

I was so tired and stoned off my ass that i just wanted to lay down.

"Okay..let's do that then."

He looked at me and shrugged

"Sure...I guess."

So we start making our way down 41. There was no sidewalk so we had to walk in the biking lane. Id like to add that when Im high im the paranoid type. So the whole walk I'm fucking terrified of the cops pulling us over and asking us what we're doing and where we're going. Didn't help that everytime i brought up the possibility to Stephen he'd add that the cops in north ft myers are waay worse then the ones in my area... so i was like wow thanks.. Now I'm even more terrified... About 3 miles later we finally make it to the spot. He finds a piece of cardboard and we cuddle but i can not seem sleep. Maybe it was because i was high, alone in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, with no phone service, with someone i had just met that day and i kind of had the sneaking suspicion that he was gonna kill me.. I dont know... Just kind of lingered there in the back of my mind.. "Oh he could kill me right now and probably get away with it." Obviously, that wasnt the case.

I eventually realise that he was also having trouble falling asleep as well so we start to get a little freaky...

So yeah i had sex in the middle of the woods on a dirty piece of cardboard. It was fun.

#confessions #love #story time #grindr #writing #funny #lol #wtf #weed #420 #whatever

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thepropertylovers · 6 years

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Feature Friday with Marcus Powers (ft. Steven Kibodeaux)

Happy Friday! It's been way too long since we have posted a FF and we are truly sorry about that! We know a few of you have asked why we stopped posting these and the truth is, we just got super busy in the last few months. But we are back with a brand new one this week and we think you're going to love learning more about Marcus and Steven like we have.

Marcus has a hilarious sense of humor, has a thing for Beyonce, and gets pretty real about his and Marcus' early days when money was tight. We found his responses to be inspiring and honest, two things the world could use more of right now! Take a look and see what we mean...

Where are you from? That's a long answer. As a child of a pastor, we moved around a lot. I was born in Fort Worth, but we moved to Lakeland, Florida, shortly after I was born. We also lived in Oklahoma and various parts of Texas throughout my childhood. Normally I just tell people Dallas. Steven’s answer is easy: Pasadena, Texas, just outside of Houston, born and raised. His parents still live in the same house he grew up in.

Where do you live? Houston, Texas (home to the World Series champs and, more importantly, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter).

What’s your Instagram handle? @marcusleepowers and @spkibodeaux

Relationship Status? Partnered. Taken. Booed up.

How long have you guys been together? We’ve been together five years and counting.

How did you guys meet and where? Our story is a tale as old as time… just kidding, we met on Grindr. We met in person for the first time in April 2012, but apparently we “met” on Grindr once before that a few months before. (Steven remembers that; I don’t.) I messaged him because his profile photo showed a lot of chest hair and he was super cute. We talked to each other on the app on a Friday, text messaged each other through the weekend, and met up for dinner on Monday night. Steven was in nursing school. We didn’t officially start dating until July 20, 2012, even though we spent practically every day together.

Choose a movie title for the story of your relationship: Bring It On. Mostly because we were both pretty hesitant to start a relationship (because he was in school, I was newly single) but decided to just go for it, but also because that movie is perfect.

What is something you have had to overcome as a couple? We went back and forth when we first met over whether it was a good time for us to start a relationship. Once we decided to just jump in, things were pretty smooth sailing. But I was in journalism back then, which is not a field you get into if you want to make any kind of money. Steven was in school, working barely ten hours a week at a minimum wage job. So money was super tight. I am not exactly the best at being frugal, so there were situations where I’d overspend and Steven had to figure things out. There were plenty of weeks that we had macaroni and cheese for dinner. Looking back, I realize we were actually pretty lucky. But for a while, it was frustrating always feeling like some other big expense would come up and wipe away whatever security we had. Nowadays we both work full-time, and we are lucky enough to be able to travel quite a bit. We are always grateful for that.

Tell us about your first date! I worked in television news at the time. I worked 1:30 pm to 10:30 pm, with a dinner break around 6 o’clock. So that coupled with the fact that we were both broke, we decided to go to Freebird’s, a burrito place. We met up, ate our food, and talked for several hours. At this point, I knew Steven was someone special, and way out of my league. He was right at the end of his first year of nursing school, so he didn’t have a ton of free time. But I came up with any excuse to see him after that point. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but we were both pretty smitten from the first meeting.

How has it been being an out, gay couple? Have you faced any criticism or hardships? Before we moved to Houston, we lived in a fairly small, conservative town in southeast Texas. But to be perfectly honest, we’ve never come up against much pushback. We now live in Houston, which is the fourth largest in America and the most diverse city in the nation. We count ourselves extremely lucky that we’ve been able to live our lives freely and without fear of consequence.

How old were you when you came out and what was your experience like? As I mentioned, I was the son of a pastor. I started the coming out process the summer after my freshman year of college, when I was 19. I told most of my friends, even though I was attending a pretty conservative private college. I never really told my family, because they are all fairly religious and conservative. But eventually, I just sort of stopped hiding it online, and they have all been amazingly welcoming to me and Steven. Nowadays, I’m 100% out. My family knows, I always bring up Steven in the workplace, and there’s never a time when I hide who I am. It was a long process, but it was so, so, so worth it. Steven’s story is somewhat similar, minus the religious family. He was out to friends in high school and college, but didn’t (fully) come out to his parents until after we met, around the age of 27.

Best advice for a successful relationship? When I was thinking about ending my first relationship, which lasted almost five years, I talked to a friend about it. He had been in his relationship for a decade, and I asked him how he knew it was meant to last. He said that, at the end of the day, the person he wants to hang out with was his boyfriend (now his husband). I realized then I couldn’t say that about my boyfriend at the time, so I ended it the next day. So my advice? Be friends with your partner. Physical attraction is vitally important, but just wanting to hang out and watch stupid Hallmark holiday movies with them is just as important, if not more so.

What is the thing you love the most about each other? We’re truly a ying-yang type of couple. I’m a bit of an introvert, Steven is definitely an extrovert. I’m fiercely loyal and have a few close friends, Steven has never met a stranger. The things I am not (but wish I was), he is. And vice versa. I love Steven because he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I know. He works as a nurse in the pediatric ICU at a major children’s hospital, and I always say that what makes him a good nurse is that he really, truly gives a damn about every single one of his patients and their families. Pediatric nursing is truly his calling, plain and simple, and it’s been so wonderful to see him grow in that career. I’m just so proud of him. But at the end of the day, he’s a kind person to everyone, and never one to judge anybody. That’s exceedingly rare. He’d probably say that thing he loves most about me is my vast, deep knowledge of early 2000s female-centric R&B music.

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youcouldmakealife · 7 years

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LBTE: Robbie (4-6)

In which I use capslock to yell at Robbie a lot, which I’m sure I will be able to say about every update, call him out (also prob pretty common) and discuss the differences between NICE calling David a robot and MEAN calling David a robot.

4. Welcome wagon

Present Robbie:

- “Honestly walking over feels like stepping on fucking glass, especially because Georgie sees him after the first couple steps and then keeps looking at him so there’s this awful fucking stare down across the room.” Clearly this happens in slow motion, with Georgie looking stricken and Quincy’s head slowly whipping around as Robbie steps over that damn glass.

- “ Robbie probably shouldn’t be glowering for this. Might ruin the image. He tries a smile, and he thinks it might be worse, judging by Georgie’s face.” The beginning of Robbie’s rictus grins. They start early! He is really not very good at faking smiles. Or, like. Anything.

- “Georgie helped him out, there, Robbie’s aware of that, and it sits wrong in him, but what’s he going to do, resent it every time?” Yes. Yes he is.

- “…that’s the way it’s always worked, they help each other, they make each other better. “ Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

- ““Can we just — can we try to just have hockey be hockey?” Georgie asks. “Please?” Robbie doesn’t even have to look at him to know he’s doing that puppy dog look that gets him what he wants every fucking time.” Georgie’s so desperate for hockey to be hockey, here. It hasn’t felt right in years, he just — it’s one of the most important things in his life (also his livelihood), and he hopes, so badly, that being back beside Robbie will make it right again. And it does! But what a price to pay.

Past Robbie:

- “Robbie comes back from the bar everyone’s camped at to find a sock on the door. Like. The place has fucking ‘do not disturb’ signs, and the meaning of them is pretty fucking clear — do not disturb, says it right on the sign! — so Robbie’s got to wonder if Georgie’s just showing off or something.” I mean in Georgie’s defence if Robbie saw the ‘do not disturb’ sign chances are 50/50 he’d think it was for the next morning and just wander on in.

- I would like you all to know that every time you’re uncomfortable reading Robbie’s misogyny, I was writing it with a grimace on my face and a twist in my stomach. It’s physically uncomfortable for me to write those lines.

- ““What happens at Development Camp stays at Development Camp,” Georgie says,” USNTDP what up. (Hi Jake.)

- ““I’m just trying to keep my partner in good sexual health,” Georgie says, sounding very serious, then snickers when Robbie lobs a pen at him. “You heard of grindr?”” Real research: checking when grindr came into existence (and then when it came into relevance) in order to fact check my usage of hook up apps. The glamour of writing.

- ““The McDonald’s on Mass Ave’s probably still open,” Georgie says.” I also researched the closest McDonald’s and that was the only one that would still be open. My search history is all over the place.

-“Nah, don’t humor my bullshit, you’ve got a date to finger a girl in public or whatever,” Robbie says.“Fuck off,” Georgie says. “You’d be less bitter if you were getting laid, Roberto.” He is until he isn’t! But honestly I hated writing the way BU era Robbie talks about sex. Caps Robbie to an extent, but man, BU Robbie can be the worst.

- ““Don’t call me Roberto,” Robbie says. “And I’m not bitter.” “Uh huh,” Georgie says. “Let’s go get you a Big Mac, little ball of hate.”” Truer words. This is an IRL hockey nickname (most recently ascribed to Brad Marchand), and while Robbie certainly doesn’t play like those who have worn it in reality, it fits pretty damn well off the ice.

5. Any time

Present Robbie:

- “Georgie sucks, they send him down to Hershey, Robbie gets Whelan back, who’s a fine partner and holds down the fort well with him, Robbie doesn’t want to throw up in his mouth! Everything’s dandy.” A much, much shorter version of BAIT.

-”Robbie served him the pass — it was a perfect tape to tape, like, they could give a clinic on it perfect — and they’re now up by two. Which is obviously great. Robbie’s not going to begrudge his own team a goal, what the fuck.” He’s totally begrudging it. This is the angriest he has ever been to get an assist. (Second angriest, when he thought he’d hit a milestone but oh no, instead it went off an ass in the crease — literal ass, not like, a jerk)

-”“Oh good, even the robot notices,” Robbie snaps before he can help himself. “Excuse me?” Chapman says, sounding startled, because of fucking course he does, he had no idea Robbie didn’t want that question because he doesn’t understand socialization like a human.” Look Roberto, there’s an affectionate way to call David a hockey robot (you did great at it earlier!) and there’s this, and this one’s NOT ON.

-”He misses breakfast, but it was optional and Matty grabbed him a bagel and a coffee, so he’s mostly forgiven for being able to sleep so peacefully. “ I’m sure Matty will appreciate that you’re mostly able to find it in your heart to forgive him for SLEEPING AT NIGHT.

-”he kind of stumbles through his apology and calls him a robot at least four more times, but like…in a nice way he hopes.” Yes, much better. Good boy, Roberto.

- “ Robbie’s an asshole. Robbie knows this.” GLAD WE’VE GOT THAT FIGURED OUT.

Past Robbie:

- ““Was it —” Lee says, making a jerk off motion, “Or—”. Robbie cannot unsee the hip thrust. “Dude, masturbation, copulation, they are not scary words,” Robbie says. “The fuck is copulation?” Lee asks. “Don’t be a prude, Robbie.” “You’re the one who can’t say the words and I’m the prude?” Robbie asks incredulously.” Still quite enjoy this exchange.

- “Robbie’s not interested in talking about the shit Georgie’s gotten up to, and he’s a shit fucking liar, but he had a teacher tell him he was good at obfuscation once, and after he looked it up, he had to agree. “Georgie’s a good guy,” Robbie says, and that’s the truth.” Couple things to unpack here, in the wake of Saul: Robbie is obfuscation CHAMP and I appreciate Saul having none of it, and this is an interesting mirror to Robbie’s mom calling Matty a good guy last part and Robbie thinking that just because she (and he) was wrong about Georgie (in his opinion), doesn’t mean she’s wrong about Matty.

6. Share and share alike

Present Robbie:

- ““He eats like a child,” Robbie says. “Won’t eat his vegetables.” “Broccoli is a vegetable,” Georgie argues, and Robbie’s hit with deja vu he doesn’t want. “Yeah, well, part of being an adult is eating more than one thing,” Robbie snaps. “Islanders tomorrow,” Chaps says, and Robbie follows his cue. It's not like he wants to fight with Georgie.” Still proud of David for managing to change the subject there. Also, yes you DO, Robbie.

-” They find a booth tucked away but with a great angle on the game, and Robbie pretends he isn’t hiding. Elliott also pretends Robbie isn’t hiding. Ellie’s a champ.” The rare view of the Ellie nickname, which made things unnecessarily confusing considering Matty’s already interchangeably Matty and Elliott (and Matthews in the very beginning. My early parts always have growing pains while I’m getting accustomed to the world.)

- “He then immediately makes a face like a baby eating a lemon. Not that they ever did that to Robbie’s niece, because that would be mean. But if they had done that to Robbie’s niece…that’s the face Chaps is making” They did and David is and it’s ADORABLE.

- “ “I don’t exactly want to sit beside Quincy and wait for him to make me friends,” Georgie says.” This image is both adorable and tragic. Quincy setting up playdates and chaperoning to make sure everyone is having a nice time.

Past Robbie:

- “Robbie learned pretty early on that no food is safe around Georgie. It isn’t even that he eats more than everyone, just that as soon as the food isn’t his, he wants it. Just a bite. Then another bite. “ METAPHOR.

- “ Robbie looks over, and he’s basically thrown around all the vegetables on his plate to root out the broccoli, pushed the cauliflower into a corner. Robbie guesses it’s been shunned.” AS IT SHOULD BE.

- ““You liking something Robbie does isn’t actually a support,” Braden says. “Robbie could make a fucking knock knock joke and you’d laugh.” “Orange you glad,” Robbie deadpans, and grins when Georgie starts snickering.” Even before Georgie was smitten with Robbie, he was so smitten with Robbie.

#Liveblogging The End #But Always in Tandem

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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„And she’s a whore“ (Vatya) - Polly

Authors note: I was inspired by my own wish and all the requests for Vatya birthday sex. You can also see this as what happened previously to Violets ‚walk of shame‘ Insta story. Also the request for Violet leaving the stage after singing Happy Birthday to Katya inspired this whole thing. Not sure if anyone had something like this in mind but I had to get it off my chest, also this is kinda of short (sorry but I just wanted to write something)And I also had to mention the fact that Violet thought she was the top when they were dry humping on that damn couch because Katya’s reaction was priceless. Feedback is always welcome. I’m using Katya/Violet and she/her even when they’re not in drag.

Violet was wiggling her ass, making sure that her tassels were swinging wildly. She was vaguely aware of Katya standing at the side but didn’t know if she was watching. Violet however was putting on quite a show, wanting to make sure that Katya was watching, already having decided that tonight was the night she was going to fuck her again. They hadn’t hooked up in months, in fact haven’t even seen each other since December so she was kind of desperate. Violet had been exited to see Katya, they were friends after all but she hadn’t initially planned to have sex with her but then Katya had started to not so subtly hint towards sex. And Violet didn’t even want think about the fact that she secretly really really enjoyed their dry humping session on her booth’s couch. Only a few hours had passed since then and so did Katya’s flirting, Violet noticed with frustration.

When Jinkx was coming up to the stage to sing ‚Happy Birthday‘ to Katya, Violet decided to join her trying to sound as seductive as possible. The blonde though could not have cared less. However Violet couldn’t help herself but to smile anyway while looking at Katya who was happily stuffing cake into her mouth. But Violet felt her smile drop when Jinkx ended the song with exclaming that Katya was a whore. Which was true. Violet was reminded that Katya and her weren’t together, they in fact hadn’t even talked about ever hooking up again since this very much had the potential to blow up into their faces. Though to be fair, its not like there had ever been plans to hook up in the first place. It was just that their sexual chemistry was absolutely undeniable and one night they both had decided to give in on it and to not care about potential consequences. And they had not been wrong, the sex had been absolutely incredible which also explained while it happened again, and a couple times more after that. So Violet had been stupid enough to get her hopes up that sex with Katya was also in the cards for today but Katya was Katya, and Katya had people throwing themselves at her left and right. And while Violet knew that the same thing could be said about her, tonight she wanted Katya, only Katya. She was however unsure if the blonde felt the same about her, so she tried gathering her thoughts and left the stage, hoping that not too many of her emotions had been visible on her face.

When she got backstage and looked at the others laughing and having fun she suddenly felt strangely out of place. Even before Katya and Jinkx returned from stage, she had already thrown on some clothes over her costume and told Courtney to tell the others that she was too tired to stay. Violet knew that it was an asshole move to leave without even saying goodbye to Jinkx and especially Katya but she just couldn’t bring herself to stay longer.

Some time later Violet was laying in her bed freshly showered and horny as ever. She was deliberating wether or not to go on Grindr or to just jerk herself off when her phone started ringing. She saw Katya’s name on her screen and answered hesitantly.

„Hey.“ Katya’s voice sounded from the other end.

„Hey.“ Violet answered „Shouldn’t you do other things than to call me at 1am on your birthday?“

„Maybe, where are you know?“ Katya asked in a strange tone.

„At my hotel. Why?“ Violet answered confused.

„Come to my place, now.“ Katya demanded before hanging up. Violets heart was pounding. What was that supposed to mean? Katya’s voice had sounded urgent and while Violet could pretend to think about wether or not she should go over to Katya’s place, she knew that she had already made her decision. There was no possible way to read a 1am phone call like this as anything but a booty call and Violet didn’t mind at all. So she called for an Uber, packed her hotel keys, phone charger and her toothbrush and left her room.

The way to Katya’s apartment wasn’t a long one so not much time passed until Katya, now make up free and in her boy clothes, was opening her door for Violet.

„Look at you, giving me a booty call at 1am.“ Violet greeted her.

„Well, its not like I could’ve invited you personally. You didn’t even say goodbye bitch!“ Katya explained sounding genuinely offended.

„Yeah, I know. You just seemed to be preoccupied with eating cake.“ Violet said while shrugging her shoulders.

„Whatever“ Katya decided to let it go. „I liked you ass tassels.“ she continued with a smirk while scooting closer to Violet.

„You did? You didn’t seem to pay much attention to them.“ Violet contoured with a sly smile and raised eyebrows.

„Oh trust me! I did pay attention. I payed attention to your ass all day.“ Katya explained while mirroring Violet’s smile.

„Did you now?“ Violet grinned while following Katya towards the bedroom, not wasting time.

„Well to be fair, when we were dry humping earlier“ Katya said while looking back at Violet with a mischievous smile on her face „I was hoping that we could do that again but without clothes.“

„Fine by me.“ Violet said while taking her shirt of. „I’ll even let you be the top this time.“ she laughed with a wink.

„Bitch,“ Katya joined in laughing „You’ve never been the top in the first place.“ Violet just smiled at that and walked towards Katya to also take her shirt of before finally kissing her and all the joking tone vanished.

Violet felt Katya’s hands all over her body, almost aggressively pulling at her hair, she always loved feeling wanted and Katya definitely wanted her. And she desperately craved Katya. Both of their need was evident as their bodies were pressed onto each other. At some point they finally managed to land on Katya’s bed and took their remaining clothes off while still kissing each other with lust. Violet couldn’t tell where she began and Katya ended all she knew is this felt amazing and she never wanted to stop. Their hands and mouths were everywhere and Violet was once again astounded by how good sex with Katya felt. Their kisses had long before started to get messy while they were pressing into each other. The touches, the moans, the digging of Katya’s fingers into her body when she had finally started to fuck Violet made her body feel completely electrified. She was thrilled to find out that their sex was just as heated and longing even after they had already fucked time and time again. And while Violet had felt absolutely exhausted only hours before she now was sure that another night without sleep wouldn’t hurt, especially if it meant being fucked by Katya again and getting to feel like this for hours on end.

#katya zamolodchikova #violet chachki #vatya #smut #polly #rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant

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sweet-sammy-kisses · 7 years

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You’re Mine

For the Wincest Writing Challenge: February Prompt: I deleted Grindr for you. Partner: beekeepercain Warnings: Possessive Dean, slight crossover with Arrow and a tiny bit of Oliver/Sam Word Count: 2,062 Rating: PG-13

Dean Winchester was a possessive man when it came to two things his car and his Sammy. He also loves sex that was no secret. He was not one to turn down an offer.

It was his escape from the reality and harshness of his world and the fact that he had more than brotherly feelings for his baby brother. For years he did his best to hide his more than brotherly feelings for Sam and even though it had broken his heart when he learned that Sam had been accepted to Stanford and he had to bite his tongue as he said nothing as Sam looked at him with pleading eyes to come with him, it tore his heart apart when he looked away from Sam and he tried not to flinch when the door closed softly behind Sam, he might have well slammed it.

After that Dean picked up the first willing body and lost himself in the pain of losing Sam, for that little while he could forget that Sam was gone. But when their dad went missing that all changed and he needed Sam back.

And that brought his possessiveness roaring back full on. But he hid it, he fought it back and tried to be supportive when Sam had his own few hook ups.

Expect when it came to Ruby, that was a whole other story. She was poison for his little brother and he hated how she used him.

Still, he stayed silent when Sam had other hook ups.

That all changed when he followed Sam, one night. And the only reason he followed was because Sam had been acting cagey making sure that Dean was okay with him going out that he was doing his own thing. That instantly had Dean's Sammy's senses tingling and he waited until Sam was in the shower before he went snooping on Sam's phone.

"Alright, Sam let's see what you are up to." Dean muttered under his breath as he unlocked Sam's phone and began to scroll through his phone. It only took Dean a moment to find something that had him raising an eyebrow and growling, "Son of a bitch."

Sam had a Grindr and not only that he had a date that night with a guy he had been talking to for a few days.

Jealousy hit Dean hard in the gut. He could handle it when Sam was hooking up with women but another man was a whole other story.

"Dean?" Sam's voice echoed throughout the halls of the bunker as Dean's keen ears picked up the sound of Sam's footsteps getting closer to the library and Dean quickly shut off Sam's phone and put it back where he had found it. "In here Sam!"

'Oh come on now that's just not fair.' Dean couldn't help it but lick his lips as Sam came in fresh from the shower with a few droplets of water rolling down his neck and Dean wanted nothing more than to lick them away and then make sure that Sam forgets all about his date.

Sam was fidgeting even though he was trying to hide it but no one knew Sam better than Dean and he knew the signs. A grin tugged at Dean's lips, he would play with this for now but once Sam left he would be following him. “So where are you off to?” Dean drawled out.

Sam blanched the last thing he wanted was to tell Dean that he had a date he wasn’t sure how his brother would react to knowing he had a date with another man. Part of Sam didn’t want to go on this date, he only wanted Dean but Dean wasn’t like him. He wasn’t in love with his brother and that is why he needed to go on this date. “I was just heading out to get a few things. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Sam was lying no one could read Sam like Dean and he knew that his little brother was lying to him and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “Let me grab my jacket and I will go with you.” Dean offered.

“NO!” That was the last thing that Sam wanted, was for Dean to come with him when he was going on a date with another man. Sam wouldn’t be able to survive if Dean looked at him with disgust in his eyes upon learning he liked men.

Dean could see the real fear in Sam’s eyes and Dean felt like a heel. “Sammy, there is nothing you can do or be that would ever have me look at you in disgust. You are my world and nothing could make me stop loving you.” Dean wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him.

‘But can you love me like I love you?’ The question was on the tip of Sam’s tongue and he wanted to ask it but held back. “Thanks, Dean and the same for you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. You’re my world big brother.”

A soft smile tugged at Dean’s lips even as his heart felt like it was going to explode he didn’t want Sam to go on a date with another man. “Don’t be to long man. I thought we could have dinner and movie tonight.” Dean suggested with a smile on his face.

In that moment Sam wanted nothing more than to call off the date and stay at home with Dean but he couldn’t it would be fair to the other guy. “I won’t be long. I promise.” Sam’s place was with Dean it always was and it always would be.

‘Yeah, you won’t be long little brother because I will make sure of it.’ Dean vowed as he watched Sam get ready to leave.

+****+

It had been easy for Dean to follow Sam....well that and he knew which bar Sam was meeting the guy at. He gave Sam a twenty minutes head start in the bar before pulling the Impala into the parking lot next to the one Sam had taken from the bunker. It had been so long since he had followed Sam on a date and part of him fighting against that he shouldn’t go into the bar that he should let Sam do this. ‘Besides just because I have more than brotherly feelings for Sam doesn’t mean he has the same. Sam is probably normal.’ But at the same time, Dean had seen the way Sam looked at him, the love shining in his eyes, the way he touched him, and the sheer heartbreak in Sam's eyes when he thought he lost him and Dean held onto that Sam just might feel the same way for him.

Plus he was a possessive bastard and the idea of another guy touching his Sam pissed him off and he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t end up ripping the guy’s dick off and shoving it down his throat. ‘Sammy doesn’t need a Grindr, not when he has me.’

+****+

Sam was having a horrible time. Oliver was a great guy, really he was but he just wasn’t Dean and he couldn’t measure up to him and it wasn’t fair to Stephen.

If the guy had turned out to be a jerk - like a big part of Sam had been hoping- then he wouldn’t have a problem walking away from him or leaving him to return to Dean. But he was just as nice as he had been in their chats and the last thing Sam wanted to do was to leave him behind without him think he was the bad guy.

Oliver Queen studied the man sitting across from him, he had been less than thrilled with Tommy setting him up on Grindr and connecting him with Sam Winchester but after talking to him and meeting him he was grateful for Tommy setting him up, even if nothing was going to come of this.

“Sam, I’m not one to beat around the bush nothing is going to come of this but friendship. I can see it in your eyes your heart belongs to another and I’m pretty sure it is the guy who is glaring at me from the shadows is the one who has been on your mind since you sat down.” Oliver could feel the dark glares the man was shooting his way and he was sure he saw the guy fingering around the dull knife at his table and he was grateful that it wasn’t sharp because he was sure it would have been pressed against his neck.

‘Too bad, I can’t make him blush that way another way.’ Oliver couldn’t help but think as Sam’s cheeks heated up in the most adorable of reds.

Sam dared to chance a glance and yep there he was sitting in the corner looking ready to rip Oliver to shreds is Dean and part of Sam flares up in hope that Dean is here because he is jealous, that it burns him up inside to see Sam out with another man. “That’s....complicated,” Sam admitted in a small voice and complicated wasn’t enough to cover it.

“Well, I know a man who knows possessiveness when I see it and that man would rip my face off with a smile if I put a finger on you.” Oliver’s friends might call him a fool with a death wish but not this kind of death wish. “Take care Sam and if it doesn’t work call me.” Oliver was one to live on the edge, just ask his friends, and with his eyes locked with the guy in the shadows, he pressed an innocent kiss against Sam’s lips and with the way he opened up it took all of his willpower not to deepen the kiss.

It was the low dangerous growl, the one that promised pain and suffering if he didn’t get his mouth off of Sam in seconds and it was right next to their table that had Oliver pulling away from Sam but not fast enough as Oliver found himself pulled away nearly tossed into a wall.

“Dean!” Sam could only stare at his brother in shock and a little bit of hope as Dean’s glowing green eyes zeroed in on him and suddenly Sam had a very dry mouth as hungry, want and desire filled Dean’s. “Dean?” Sam asked honestly afraid.

“Mine. My Sammy and no one else’s.” Dean growled before wrapping one hand into Sam’s hair and pulling his head back so he could claim his lips in a kiss that left no doubt in anyone’s mind that Sam was his.

Sam knew the moment Dean’s lips were on his that he was addicted to Dean's kisses, he was his drug and he never wanted to be clean or free of him.

This was everything Dean had dreamed it would be like and more and damn it did it kill him to break the kiss. The tiny whimper escaped Sam’s mouth as he did have Dean smiling. “Back to the bunker or I take you here in front of everyone Sammy,” Dean growled his voice rich with sex and lust.

Sam shivered as he licked his lips Dean taking him in front of everyone shouldn’t be as hot as it is but that could be later. Right now he wanted to be able to call him big brother without worrying to be overheard. “Bunker.”

That was all Dean needed to hear as he grabbed Sam by the arm but making sure to spare the guy who had kissed Sam before got a smug wink he was pretty clear Sam was his and then he hustled Sam out of the bar before Sam could stop and say anything to the guy. He didn’t stop until they were at the Impala where he pinned Sam against his girl’s hood. “Tomorrow you deleted that Grindr,” Dean growled under his breath as he nipped at Sam’s lower lip.

Sam didn’t have the heart to tell Dean that he deleted his account and app while he was waiting for Oliver, no one could take the place of spending the evening with Dean. Dean was too hot like this when he was in possessive mode, he would tell him someday.

#wincestwritingchallenge #wincest #otp: you can't lose him #sherri writes #beekeepercain #my ficlets #slight oliver/sam #for reasons #okay #because no one #makes jensen more possessive than when jared talks about stephen #so of course the same would be for dean #with the idea of sam dating oliver

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snakeho · 4 years

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4/21/20 4AM

Listen, being fat fucking sucks. Being fat your entire life sucks even more. It’s caused me more psychological strife than any of my other identities (gay or Latino). Because there’s consequences if you’re homophobic (only very recently) or racist. Fat shaming is so fucking normalized into culture people don’t even think twice about it, in fact, assholes still think shaming is good because it might lead to someone losing weight. Newsflash: no it fucking doesn’t. Instead, your asshole comment that you made offhand and haven’t thought twice about since the 5 seconds you uttered it becomes our internal voice. For the rest of our lives. It’s always there. When I put on clothes and they hug me too tightly (even worse buying clothes and having your sizing constantly change across stores), when I don’t eat a salad with my meal, when I eat junk food, when I eat healthy food. I have shit memory but I can remember every time a person has made a negative comment about my weight. And I’ve been fat my entire life. That’s 22 years of seeing my extended family maybe once a year and the first words out of their mouth are “you’ve gotten so fat!” or “you’ve lost some weight!” like my appearance is the only thing worth talking about. 22 years of chastising myself with every bite of junk food I eat or feeling like a fraud for eating healthy food because it won’t make me lose weight. I wouldn’t ever judge anyone based on what they eat in public but being fat makes it uncomfortably cognizant. If I’m walking somewhere and my shirt’s hugging my stomach I’m thinking about it the entire time, pulling at it as if having a stomach is a public embarrassment that should be avoided at all costs. When I’m getting and eating junk food I feel like everyone that can see me is judging, saying “look at this fat asshole, doesn’t take care of himself, gonna gorge on big macs and die at 30” Even when I’m getting/eating healthy food that voice tells me everyone is judging and deeming me a fraud, that if I always ate like that I’d be skinny or I’m putting on a show so I can binge on french fries later. Mental gymnastics that I go through every. single. day. It’s exhausting. And don’t even get me started on the dating scene, oh my God. You’re simply not allowed to be fat and gay. Not truly fat. You can be “thick” and accepted in the bear community if you’re 80% muscle with a belly. But you can’t be fat and weak. Nope, no way. Having a respite of the fat shaming from yourself, your family, society, and social media with your friends is nice for the time that you’re with them. But it’s not enough to offset the rest. Feeling truly desired, wanted sexually by someone you’re also sexually attracted to could offer true respite I think. I’ve never experienced it. I’m guilty of it too, I know. Society or my own fucked up self doesn’t let me see (most) fat guys as attractive. And the ones that I do find attractive never find me attractive back. I am 22 years old and have never hooked up with somebody because we were both massively turned on by each other’s looks. Scratch that. I’ve never even hooked up with someone that only I found attractive. I settle, for the bottom of the barrel that’ll barely accept me being fat and gay. That means other fat guys and older guys, and oftentimes a mix of the two. I know it seems stupid, like, who cares who you hook up with? But if matters, it matters so much. Feeling sexually wanted and desired is what society tells us makes the world go round. What happens when you never experience that? It makes you settle for men that don’t respect you or your body, and leads to mediocre or bad sex. I’ve had good sex exactly twice. TWICE. I’ve hooked up with over 20 men. I know, it seems like a lot but when average and fit gay men have sex at least once a week I’m really not getting any.

Maybe I’ll let my friends logon to Grindr and try to find a man to hookup with for me. They’ll quickly find that any guy they think is attractive won’t message back or will block me for having the audacity to message them, guys that are average will do the same, attractive fat gays will entertain you for a couple messages till you send nudes, and the few men left (ugly fat and older) will take at least 40 profiles to find maybe 1 guy that is willing to hookup with me. Let’s hope he can host too (lol, probably not.) Maybe it’s my fault for putting out a persona that seemed promiscuous or something or maybe it’s the fit gays agenda but I am getting little to 0 play on any of these apps. And that’s it, that’s all I have. Going to gay clubs makes me literally deppresively spiral because exactly 0 men have tried to pick me up or even compliment me and the 1 guy I tried to pick up rejected me (not that he owes me anything, but still not great for someone with 0 self esteem). I have no self esteem. There used to be days when I would look in the mirror after getting ready and think “hey, I’m pretty cute”. That never happens anymore (okay maybe 1 good picture within 6 months allows me to feel myself for maybe an hour). 0 self esteem + having an unrealistic romanticized version of love + absolutely no one hitting you up for anything serious = serious depression. I’m not good with words. Not that anyone will read this but on the off chance they do I know I sound like a whiny bitch. But my generation’s having so, so, so much sex and posting about it all over social media. Straight people have had at least 1 serious relationship by now and if gay people haven’t had that they’ve at least had dates. I’ve had 1 date in my 22 years of life and it happened in February of this year. Unfortunately, we weren’t compatible so I guess I’ll have to wait another 22 years for my 2nd date and hope that other guy is the one. I doubt I’ll make it to 66.

“Just lose the weight omg” It’s simply not that easy or else I would’ve done it already 😌. So much conflicting information (eat less! eat more but healthy! eat less but multiple times a day! intermittent fast!) and that’s just about the size/timing of meals that’s nothing to say of the meals themselves or the exercise you should do which is a deluge of conflicting information. It’s so fucking hard when the little pleasure and serotonin I get in my depressed mind is from eating my damn BK every other week. What, I’m supposed to remove every ounce of happiness from my life in the hopes that I’ll be happy later? Maybe, but it’s fucking hard. And I place so much importance on if/when I do lose the weight because everyone else does it for you. I’m 99.99% positive my body issues and dating issues aren’t gonna disappear the second my body looks ideal. And what if I do lose it and I have loose skin? LOL another even worse insecurity. It’s fucking hell. Food, exercise, sex is everywhere you look in this world and they’re all related to your body. How’re you supposed to escape that?

#journal

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wannabealto · 4 years

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Hey y’all,

Damn it’s been literal YEARS since I’ve posted here. Therefore, we’re gonna do a quick recap for posterity reasons so here goes nothing (I don’t remember everything but I’m gonna mention important bits of what I can)

Freshman year:

- started at Michigan living in the dorms

- Got kinda sorta grey zone sexually coerced/assaulted by someone I was interested in romantically

- Was borderline assulted again by a different person who didn’t take no for an answer, but nothing serious occurred (thank god)

- Unknowingly spiraled into absolute Manic Pixi Dream Girl behavior, self-loathing was at a normal place though

- Got into an incredibly messy relationship with someone from high school

- bf spread some pretty important and personal info to someone and I got severely freaked. Should’ve broken up, ended up not doing it and losing all trust

- performed in a masters recital which was super lit

Sophomore year:

- returned from interlochen which was both the best and worst lol

- David was gone for a month or so first semester in order to perform. Got to work with different people, but most importantly, Elizabeth Bishop who I idolized and was willing to follow

- didn’t actively work to make friends, spent most the time with the bf

- took over a half year lease that ended up becoming entirely MY lease after the girl bailed and despised the incredibly rude roommates who were absolute garbage and incredibly selfish

- hit the sophomore slump real hard

- ended up creating one of my best recitals ever- my Samuel Barber lecture recital which was incredibly done and took the efforts of so many people and was so wonderful to put on. I’m still so proud of my work and I feel better about it every time I look at it

- continued to grow musically, applied to summer programs and was rejected. All good though. Only bothered me a lot at the time

- worked on the cello/Katz collaboration concert for “Loves philosophy” which is still a beast. Was very sick for the performance but pulled a good one out

- should’ve failed the final theory class, but Nathan Martin passed me like the god he is and I received my first ever C in a class!! Cause he thought I was a senior.... did I mention the sophomore slump??

- starting to get really angry at this point at the world, losing the softer (hard to believe I know) edge I was capable of

- significant weight gain to the highest I have ever (and hopefully will ever) reached. Only admitting to 175, but in all reality, was most likely over 180. Not doing too hot

- lost the weight and got plastered at a one year olds birthday party. Honestly a stellar story

Junior year:

- David is accused of drugging and raping another singer 10 years ago

-absolute chaos descends in the school and the studio dispurses amongst the teachers. Many of us are placed with Carmen Pelton

- A girl from an old program transfers to Michigan and we are very fast friends due to oberlin connections. Finally getting more social as a result

- Carmen and I do NOT get along in the slightest and it looks like I’m in for a very stressful year

- I am part of my first staged opera chorus in Candide. Have an absolute blast

- Mathew Ozawa is a goddamn gift from heaven. Best class I’ve taken at Michigan and he’s such a delight. Very helpful to me for applications and dealing with unrecognized trauma.

- places in chamber choir for the second year, now working with former conductor. It’s going alright so far and I’m still in love with choir despite the affect on solo singing

- getting angrier overall. Littler things are setting me off, especially with bf

- places with new (free) pianist because I needed a free one. Derv and I are no longer together and my new pianist is.... interesting.

- new pianist is absolutely terrible

- auditions for Alcina come up, recit is completely bombed

- got my first ever named role, Oberto, double cast with the transfer. Found out through contact with David prior to the release

- more David news hits regarding a student and an indecent Grindr proposal. Potential legal cases to follow up

- major illness which results in absence from school before major choir performance. Carmen excuses me via email with director who then chews me out a good 10 minutes (in front of peers) for my unprofessionalism. Leaves room in tears. I never show up early to another day of choir for this man again.

- beginning next semester, a student accuses David of drugging and assaulting him

- massive stress moment of “what the fuck”

- anger is steadily increasing

- Alcina is a mess, Oberto is all wrong for me, and I am very resentful. Directing is chaotic at best and music rehearsals are useless

- opera workshop is a disaster and I loath it. Given two IMPOSSIBLE to learn scenes that must be memorized the same day the opera opens. Absolute madness.

- choir tensions are rising between the director and I. A noticeable amount. Becoming continually singled out with any criticism. I have taken to rolling eyes and muttering under my breath. I never receive another solo opportunity and he in fact snaps at me so hard one day, I attempt to take him to the dean for behavioral issues.

- were still bookin up to that breaking point.

- lessons with Carmen are going much better, and I’m starting to enjoy her some days. Not always, but the relationship is building. Still won’t let me sing glitter despite all my efforts to let her let me.

- getting closer to my best friend in the whole world and making a few others along the way

- planning for junior recital with transfer, pianist will not learn music, is required to pull out, transfer will not take no for an answer

- cue massive panic attack and an even bigger fallout

- loss of people I considered friends due to lies spread by transfer, incredible amounts of pain. Breaking point has been reached following talk with Ally. I have never felt more alone in my entire life.

- my anger and self loathing are unfortunately taken out a little more than just pure verbalizing and are more sinister with bf

- huge personal come to Jesus as a result

- reachingout more to friends which helps ground me

- we go to summer

- no summer programs, rejections and chorus offers with no scholarship. Another summer working

- finally reaches musical breaking point, wants to not finish the degree, begins despairing at the thought of returning to school, never wants to sing again. Mother fears for my safety an is about to pull me from classes.

- mother suggests study abroad. I finally see a light in all of this. I agree and begin my search for a school and eventually settle on the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland.

- bf and I decide on a break, I find I am much happier and miss him desperately. I have gay sex!

- bf and I get back together for a short while before another trust break (this will be the fourth) results in me being done forever.

- finally single and livin life large

- beginning work on senior recitals including chamber commission with exbf and Handel cantata following junior year performance in a Purcell cantata as a soloist. First technical oratorio gig!

- offered to premier a newly discovered Scarlatti work. Incredible opportunity!! Took it!! Got professionally filmed!! Beginning a baroque music relationship with head of department. Absolutely love it

- begins work on first bel canto mad scene

Enters into senior year

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

Link

There is no blunter way to put this. It's a long post. But humor me, cause I need someway to get this off my chest. Cool? Here we go.Dating is tough. Actually, scratch that, modern dating is tough. In this age of constant social connectivity and dating apps, you have access to more people and potential dates then ever before, hundreds at your fingertips and opportunities that weren't possible even a decade ago. But like everything, while this has brought a lot more ways to connect and find 'The One', it also brings with it ten cans of worms that in a lot of ways makes dating so much harder then ever.I'm 27, still in the 'sweet spot' of societal prime living. Pushing it slightly before that big 3-0 but still, I have the 2 in front. I'm openly gay, something that is much more accepted in our modern world. Live in Austin, one of the fastest growing cities in America, too fast in my opinion. Graduated from a decent college but still in that transition period of finding a job, after all waiting tables and bar tending are still viewed as temporary jobs for something else. Even still, I make good money, I don't struggle to pay bills, financially I'm ok, and if an emergency came up I'm covered. Something that a lot of poeple can't say. I've grown confident enough to say I'm attractive, work out 5/6 times a week, and like to think I have a fun personality (after all, service industry molds you into it). You could say I'm pretty much a solid, good package. And that's the part where I struggle with. This constructed idea of myself that I am just 'good'. And a sobering reality is, good...just isn't enough.I often quote a clip of Amy Adam's from the movie Sunshine Cleaning that has always perfectly conveyed my situation. "There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me or marry me, but want me". Outwardly I can fake confidence, in fact a lot of people would say I seem extremely confident in person. But it's something that I have struggled with my entire life. Not believing in my self worth and skills. Thinking that I'm just second or third best, never the main person, bridesmaid, even in areas I shine I constantly think there is someone better.Being gay, of course, I have Grindr. And yes, it's a stereotypical shirtless pic. So of course I get messages. And comes on. And too many unwanted nudes. It helps that I am good at flirting and not just a mindless drone of 'hey, wyd, pics? Into? Host/Travel?'. Going out to a club, or a gay bar, I can pick up a guy and get their number. Most of the time it ends in hookups, because let me be brutally honest, hooking up is seemingly never ending in gay culture. Unchecked hyper masculine sexuality at in the most toxic of ways. That's not to say there isn't those who want something serious. Because there are. And I've been on dates that have been good, some terrible, others weird, you get the idea. But the ones that have gone good, or at least thought did, usually never go anywhere. And usually, I think it's something I did.I'm a hopeless romantic, I'll admit it. And I also get, as the kids call it, 'the feels' very, very easily. I'm talking rosey eyed, planning future dates, romantic scenarios, meet the family, all in the span of just one date or a few days of texting. Basically I'm making that crazy stage four clinger jumping off the deep end and planning our lives already. And hey, I'm not an idiot. I don't unload all this to them. I at least have that foresight. But I am finding it apparent that it comes across, how else can I explain the constant dead ends and the sudden hot to cold. I probably push to fast for the next date, or commitment. Recent example. Meet guy on Instagram, we exchange numbers, we talk, decide to hang at his place, watch a movie, have some PG-13 border on R hot and heavy action. It wasn't necessarily planned and we had pages and pages of text messages getting to know each other and asking about our lives and interest, and we had floated the idea of an actual date. Spend the night, he seems into me and says we should do this again. I agree. We talk a couple of days, and I feel its not uncalled to ask how his week is looking. He's also in the service industry, he's busy for the weekend, as am I. So I float the idea that if he is not busy Monday (since that is always the Saturday for service industry), I'd like to take him out on a proper date. And...nothing. So of course...I back off and don't text, leave it in his court.Ok, so maybe it was just a hook up. Whatever. And maybe I turned him off by pushing to fast for a date. But is it so wrong to be upfront and just ask? And I feel like it was a casual enough answer where nothing is set in stone, because he has his own life, I have mine. But aren't we already crunched for time with work, other commitments, family and friends, that you should have a firmer idea of when to next see them. I like you, you seem to like me, I want to spend more time with you and know you better and not just the boring small talk stuff, but things that actually matter. To know a person.It get's really tiring, feeling constantly that you are stuck at the starting line. Not being good enough for a second date. Or that you are are filler, being passed over by someone in hopes for something that is 'better', whatever that means. Even worse is when you just feel like a sexual object. A body for a quick lay, to keep in your pocket whenever you want sex. I've got plenty of those, that's for damn sure. But when that is seemingly all you are to someone, or men in general, it wears you down extremely fast. Instant gratification at its finest, and when you put your clothes back on, you just move on to the next. You are good. But not good enough. There a similar post I saw on the /dating with a quote that I wanna share that pretty much sums up what I believe is modern dating in a nutshell.I have a hundred people in my pocket that want me, but no one wants me.That one sunk deep. Because it just feels so achingly true. Here we are, connected to so many potential love interest and future partners that we may have never crossed paths with in the past. And yet, with so many options, it has the opposite effect. We can't choose, or don't want to choose, because it seems like something better always comes along eventually. Why commit. And of course when you vent this out to friends or family, it is usually the standard words of encouragement. Just be yourself! Don't over think it! As long as you act normal, you'll be the very best version of you! And for some of us who feel like Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson "What if this is the best version?". This is as good as it gets.I know this isn't new. Hell, they are so many other stories better written then mine or even more outlandish. What makes me any different or special from the millions of others who just never seem good enough. And what even am I asking for anyway?I guess it's this...Solid advice, even sobering harsh advice. Am I pushing to fast? Is going to fast and jumping into bed reinforcing the 'just a good time' image? What is modern dating anymore? Is texting everyday bad?Encouraging messages or thoughts. Yes yes, typical millennial craving attention. Ok, sure, let's go with that. But hey, that's the beauty of the internet.Who else is out there? There has to be others that are in this same boat on the turbulent waters of dating life. Tell me your experiences, advice, tips, funny memes, what is modern dating to you?Maybe the universe has a plan. Maybe Mr. Right is out there. And maybe I'm just at that point in my life where it is ok to feel like you aren't good enough and life answers aren't always available at the touch of an app. Everyone here in this group is seemingly swimming upstream the grimy river in hopes of finding one decent person. Funny part is, what if he's thinking the exact same thing I am. But isn't that the 21st century irony. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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juanchisandller · 7 years

Text

last day.

some years ago, on september of my last year of school, my school friends and i went to what we call "graduation trip", it was all too boring BUT the last night , this one and only last night, but before getting into details of the story , i should probably tell you something!?!?! something that by then was a top classified secret (at least that's what i thought haha) i’m more into the males... yes i'm gay. By the time although i had it more than assumed, it scared the shit out of me to tell anyone, i had already been with boys but i just didn't feel ready. My only hope for this shitty trip was... finding a guy (yes i know it sounds sooo stupid) but think about it, wouldn't it make my trip waaaay more interesting? at least that's what i thought by the time. So how would i do this, simple, i would use grindr to find it. I made this whole plan of getting pared with 2 losers as roommates so they wouldn't be a problem. Of Course my plan wasn't much of a success 6 of 7 days had passed and i was still alone. And this THIS is where the real story begins.... it was our last night on brazil , flying back home the next morning, this was my last chance, i opened grindr, started searching and. THERE HE WAS. let me tell you girl.. HE. WAS. HOT. we started talking and decided to see each other at 2 am at the hotel.So recapitulating , he was also in his graduation trip we were both from the same town and both 17. and so it was arranged, but we only needed one thing. A PLACE. i checked myself about meeting at my room at first but it was all or nothing, probably my horniness speaked in that moment , fuck it, i said , let's meet at my place. we went to the party at 10 pm as usual nothing strange , my friend were totally high/drunk AF . I WAS FUCKING SOBER . which made me more nervous. i was dancing to the top of my feet, having such a great time, till i saw him, THAT FUCKING AWKWARD MOMENT. he was right there in the flesh , i was between having a heart attack and a panic attack , my heart was pumping as fast as an f1 car. I GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE, PANICKING AS NEVER BEFORE , TERRIFIED TO FACE HIM. I RANNED. the clock reached the number 2. my heart probably stopped for that second. again my horniness cluding my judgement and fixing thing for me, made me decide to get on that buss. after sprinting into my room so no one would see me ( with a little technical stop at the restaurant), i arranged my self and sent him a message, HE WAS COMING ( not cumming for those dirty minds out there). knock knock......... my blood literally stopped flowing, my brain activity ceased and my body completely paralyzed for a micronesian of a second. knock knock knock ... i started breathing again. knock knock knock knock... remember i told you that my brain activity ceased well, by that time my brain was so full of thought , it seemed like it was going to crash in any moment, like it was gonna overload or something like those old computers. what if he didn't like me? what if my roommates got to the hotel early? what if someone saw us? what if someone looked for me and discovered i was gone? what if he was not that gorgeous in person? or if he was way too much for me? or if he was a prank? and the list goes on and on.. i found myself standing right next to the door waiting for that one last.... knock, BUM i opened that freaking door as far as i could thinking.. this is it. And there he was, that long black haired, sun-burnt skin,early bearded beauty. that's when i realised.......... it was all worth it. every sacrifice i made, every risk taken. But of course ha it's me who we are talking about, and as a consequence of this i blew it. i stood there in the hallway in mobile. steady as a root plant. this might surprise you but... he said heyy , in a very sexy, attractive way. GUESS WHAT I DID? ( if you guess i answered back , well it's not your lucky day, cause i didn't , or instead i should say I COULDNT). gladly he just came in. And when i finally have the courage to speak, the only words that came out of my freaking mouth were..." if someone comes you’ll have to jump out of the balcony” - he laughed very gently. he sat on my bed , when i realised he had 3 hot dogs in his hand, he had brought me something to eat , by then i went from completely paralyzed and freaked out to completely hard and horny, grabbed the hot dogs, left them on the table and sat right next to him on one of my friends bed we started talking about shit i don't remember, how would i , the only thing i could think about were those lips and kissing him, the conversation got awkwarder and awkwarder till we just sat in silence and started laughing and staring at each other, probably a clodge formed in my brain in that moment that i ceased to think and kissed him. it was so damn beautiful , it felt like my hand danced between his gorgeous angel hairs which got messier and messier , he laid me in the bed and turned off the light , but our fire was burning more than ever i could feel his crotch rubbing into mine while he was laying on top of me while he touched all three out my body g points which made me moan, it seemed like he had a map or something , i found my way inside his pants he was hard as a rock. i undressed his gorgeous 6-pack and untightened his belt , the rest as you can imagine is history........ after a while when we were almost done , a knock on the door scared the shit out of me , my roommates were on the other side , while on this side i was in my bed with a guy completely naked on top of me . i was screwed, and they were really impatient , so we dressed up as we could and “threw him out of the window” half naked without his socks or shoes, not even his phone which i threw out of the balcony to the floor hoping he’d catch it. quickly ordered my friends bed which we had made a mess on and opened the door , thank god one of them had puked and the other one was about to so they didn't realized about my messed up hair and the after-sex smell that was going around the room, not even mentioning me not wearing underwear or the fact that i said i was sleeping but my bed was completely untouched. the next morning everyone was destroyed, they seemed to have been runned into by a truck , hangover couldn't even start to describe them but i was completely full of joy, although i tried to act hungover , i just couldn't, my bus left really early, although i searched for him during breakfast, i failed to find him , i didn't had a chance to say goodbye, not even to say hello hahah, but i’ll never forget that long black haired, sun-burnt skin,early bearded beauty.

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