#and the jar of eggs - Frog Egg Jellies

[stardewremixed]

Stardewies as kids... Abigail

Glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. Fairy lights in her windows. And posters of Pokémon on her walls.

Butterfly clips in her hair. Bunny slippers on her feet. Borrowing mom's jewelery is always a treat.

Playing in the fields until dusk. Catching fireflies in a jar. Watching the moonlight jellies float home every summer's end.

Carving pumpkins every Halloween. Imagining her school uniform is infused with magical powers... like flight or super speed or... yes, she was caught daydreaming in class again.

Sleeping under the Christmas tree to catch Santa leaving presents. Peppermint nail polish for the holidays. Bows on presents. Shiny paper.

Christmas caroling in the square. Red mittens. Purple knitted cap. Red wool coat. Jingle bells. Handbells. Church choir. Pockets full of stars. Hair full of sunshine. Learning to whistle through her teeth.

Crocus - the first flower of spring and the last flower of winter. Shiny silver spoons and finding marshmallow charms in her cereal. Bubble baths and yellow submarines and rubber duckies dancing on waves.

Trying beading. Losing every one. Coveting the blue ribbon at the egg hunt. Vowing to win every year forward. Dyeing eggs all sorts of colors. Snorting a jelly belly on a dare.

Embellishing sneakers with sequins. Drawing animals with chalk on the sidewalk. Chasing rainbows. Chasing seagulls. Chasing the horizon.

Building castles made of sand. Rolling pie dough with mom by hand. Fruit scented markers. Lip smacked necklaces. Honeysuckle lotion.

Building pillow forts. Conquering playground equipment. Begging Sebastian's mom to build a tree house. Up a tree, down the slides, across the harbor in a rowboat made of driftwood. Digging in the sand for treasure. Pretending she's a Mermaid in the ocean riding a seahorse (really seaweed).

Playing pretend. Writing stories. Making up games. Pirates. Cops and Robbers. Fair lads and maidens. Princesses and frogs. Girl heroes. Singing the theme song to Kimpossible, standing on the back of the couch every Saturday into a hairbrush.

Watching every episode of Wishbone. What's the story? Giggling with books in the back of the library. Reading about adventures of kids in faraway lands doing brave things with their animal companions.

Swinging from the roof on the garden hose. Pretending she can fly. Ending up in the ER. Making all the nurses laugh with her funny faces. Covering her arm cast with colorful stickers. Calling it her battle scar.

Balloon animals. Face paints. Finger paints. Decoupage. Ceramics that are a little bit lopsided. Making pinecone crafts. Building a birdhouse. Popsicle stick towers.

Believing she can be anyone. Do anything. Go anywhere. Braving staring down the school bully, monsters under the bed, or broccoli on her plate with the same intensity. She will be the hero of her own story. Who needs Prince Charming?

#stardew valley thoughts #stardew valley #sdv headcanon #sdv abigail

[yukipri]

Happy Halloween!

from a little green gremlin

~~

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, TRANSLATE, OR OTHERWISE USE MY ART. To share, please reblog! Reblogs and comments greatly appreciated!!!

❀ You can see the rest of my art through the Masterpost pinned to the top of my blog!

#YukiPri art #Grogu #Din Djarin #the Mandalorian #Mandalorian #baby yoda #star wars #SW #Halloween #Halloween 2021 #The following are the artist/OP YukiPri's comments #super crammed in one sitting #I feel I don't draw Grogu nearly enough yet #I mean I will when he starts showing up in the comics but #the 'easter eggs' aka Aurebesh reads #the candy - Nevarro Limited Edition Lava Candy New Republic Approved #i'm rather proud of the crammed cursive Aurebesh #and the jar of eggs - Frog Egg Jellies #bc there are many species in the galaxy and i'm sure some want frog eggs just as much as Grogu #anyway PHEW I'm glad i finished

[tastesoftamriel]

Can we get Talviel's most hated dishes of each race?

I'm really not a picky eater, but Tamriel is a big place with many strange flavours, and some of them are more unconventional than others! Here's a list of the few foods I simply couldn't handle...don't try them the next time you're out exploring unless you really hate yourself!

Nord

Pickled fish (usually river betty, silverside perch, or slaughterfish) is, for some reason, a cornerstone of the Nord diet. Despite having grown up by Riften Fishery, I have nothing but dislike for the jars of sour, slimy fish that the average Nord gulps down every breakfast. Some variants of pickled fish are also fermented, giving it an extremely pungent odour that has made plenty of outlanders throw up or pass out if the jars are mistakenly opened indoors. Pickled fish is also great for catching skeevers when placed in traps. 1/10

Bosmer

Despite having spent almost a year in Valenwood, there are some aspects of Bosmer cuisine that I may never wrap my head around. Thunderbug soup is one of those things. Thunderbug flesh is grilled over an open flame and seasoned with a bit of salt, then stewed in a large cauldron with a copious amount of thunderbug eggs and sometimes other insects (witchetty grubs, grasshoppers, and large spiders are popular). The end result is a hot, lurid green mess that possibly tastes even worse than it looks, as there is no plant-based seasoning to speak of for obvious reasons, and a lot of antennas and legs poking out in various directions which make for a prickly and generally unpleasant meal. Very nutritious though. 4/10

Orc

Smoked bear paw with harpy innards is a classic stronghold delicacy, and one of the most unpleasant dishes I've ever had to try. The bear paw is so tough and dry that it's basically inedible, and the harpy guts and brains are a chewy and acidic grey mess. The best part is the bread that's used to sop up the harpy bile-based sauce, unless you actually touch the sauce itself. 1/10

Altmer

Honestly there isn't much to dislike about Altmer cuisine, but if I had to choose a dish I'm not mad about, it would probably be heron-liver pâté. Wild herons aren't traditional food birds and their diet of frogs, snails and bottom-feeding fish gives their meat a distinctly muddy flavour and stringy texture. This is especially noticeable in pâté form, even when spiced, and no amount of mashing will compensate for the chewiness of cooked heron livers. 4/10

Redguard

Unless you really enjoy the feel of sand in your mouth, I'd recommend steering clear of Alik'r sand-baked camel. The meat of a camel is covered in spices and salt, and lowered into a hot sand pit in the desert and buried for three weeks to "cook". If the jackals or scorpions haven't gotten to your meal before you do, you're in for a dry, dusty treat! The meat becomes so dessicated that you might as well chew on a Ra-Netu, but it has some great crunch from all the sand. You'll be brushing your teeth for days after eating this just to get the feeling of this monstrosity out of your mouth. 3/10

Argonian

Boiled wamasu and swamp jelly salad sounds exotic, but not too terrible, right? Wrong. Wamasu is an acquired taste, but when cooked right it can be quite tasty. Boiling it is absolutely not the right way to cook it, as it becomes slimy and acidic, and develops a nasty oily sheen. Cut that up into chunks and toss it together with raw swamp jellies, seaweed, bitter swamp grasses, and crickets...and you have the makings for Tamriel's worst stomach ache. Definitely not for anybody but Argonians. 3/10

Dunmer

I'm really very fond of Dunmeri cuisine, but I could quite happily live the rest of my life without ever eating guar wrapped in trama root and scathecraw ever again. First off, I love guars, so eating one was like asking me to eat a dog or cat. It turns out that guar meat is extremely tough and ashy-tasting, so wrapping it in trama root and scathecraw is meant to soften it up as it's cooked over a coal grill. The end result is some acrid, bitter and slightly burned-tasting meat that has the texture of an extremely overcooked steak. I believe that the Ashlanders are extremely wise and interesting mer, but I'm really doubting their commitment to good food after trying this. 4/10

Breton

As much as I love Breton food, it isn't really the sort of cuisine for big flavours and spices. As such, you end up with some pretty bland meals, like sweetbreads in pudding. It turns out that sweetbreads are not sweet, nor are they bread (they are usually lamb pancreas, tongues, and testicles), and the pudding isn't pudding (it's a spongy bread thing). In other words, it wasn't the tasty dessert that a young Talviel on her first trip to High Rock was hoping for, but rather a few soggy pieces of breaded mystery meat served with some bizarre gluten sponge and drowned in flavourless, watery gravy. 4/10

Khajiit

Face it, Khajiiti food is fantastic. Well, that is until I made the mistake of reaching for what I thought was a jar of jam for my flatbread one breakfast. I took a big spoonful of what appeared at first be a sweet and fragrant red chutney, and ended up lying down retching for the rest of the day. It turns out that in Elsweyr, many Khajiit enjoy a moon sugar chutney that's made with flaming hot chilies, herbs, fire ants and ant eggs. The acid from the ants only amplifies the capsaicin from the chilies, and most Khajiit don't use more than a teaspoon, let alone a big dollop. It burns, it stings, and nothing you drink or eat after will put out the fire. Consume at your own risk. 2/10

Imperial

Like Altmer cuisine, I really don't have something I actively dislike with Imperial food. However, I am pretty squeamish about the very upper-class delicacy of fried dormice dipped in honey and stuffed with herbs, cheeses, bacon. Admittedly, they're pretty tasty, but the little feet and faces are absolutely horrible to look at, not to mention the amount of tiny bones you have to spit out. 5/10

#Worldbuilding #Tes #The Elder Scrolls #Food #Fantasy #Argonian #Nord #Dunmer #Bosmer #Khajiit #Redguard #Breton #Imperial #Altmer #Orc

[maimycooking]

Tapioca Dessert (Healthy Navam)

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I will be showing a video along with the recipe on how to make this delicious and simple Tapioca dessert.

I have blogged and posted pictures of this dessert in the past but today, I want to show you how to make it as well! I have provided my YouTube video link here in case you are interested in watching. Otherwise, enjoy making it with the full recipe provided here!

This dessert came to my life 7 years ago when I was trying to explore making more healthy food choices for me and my family. My family and I have always enjoyed eating the traditional version of this dessert, which I think may be too much in calorie intakes. For example, the traditional Navam has a great deal of cooked pressed rice cendol, cooked tapioca pearls and then lathered in creamy coconut milk and caramelized syrup. Trust me, it’s still delicious!

In the healthier version, I cut back on the creamy coconut milk and caramelized syrup and instead, I used coconut water then added more fruits (and you can), and different types of flavored jellies to make it interesting. I also added basil seeds and Chia seeds to help thicken up the dessert, as the seeds soak up the liquid.

This dessert is great to make for little ones. They will find all sorts of stuff in there that they’ve not had before. I used to kid with my kids, and I still do it today, about the tapioca pearls. I call it the “Frog Egg Desserts”, because in the Hmong language, tapioca pearl is the literal translation of “frog egg”. Of course, at first they thought it was gross to eat frog eggs, but now, they have seen it made so many times they think it’s hilarious.

This dessert is versatile in that you can pretty much add in or take out what you like or dislike and make it to suit your family’s palette. Overall, it’s truly a lighter and healthier Navam than the traditional one.

Enjoy making it and have a wonderful day!

A Southeast Asian Dessert

Yield: 6 liters

Ingredients

2 liters coconut water 1 jar coconut gel with syrup 1 jar palm dates with syrup 1 can pandan jelly with juice 1 can grass jelly, drained, rinsed, and small diced 1 cup tapioca starch 2 Tablespoons glutinous rice flour 1 can sliced water chestnuts, cubed 1 cup glutinous rice flour 2 Tablespoons tapioca starch 3 Tablespoons basil seeds 2 Tablespoons Chia seeds 1 cup tapioca pearls food coloring, your choice of color, optional

Directions 1. To make the Tapioca Gummies: Combine the 1 cup tapioca starch and 2 Tbsp glutinous rice flour; Stir to mix.

2. Bring 3 cups of water to a boil. Ladle a cup of boiling water and add in food coloring (optional), stir to mix. Very slowly, pour the hot water to the tapioca mixture. Stir to combine and add a little more water if needed, to form a dough. If the mixture is too sticky because water has been added in too much, then add in 1 to 2 Tbsp tapioca starch to the hot mixture and knead to form a dough.

3. Transfer the hot dough to a work area and dust generously with tapioca starch on the bottom and the top of the dough. Knead it to form a smooth dough, about 5 minutes or so.

4. Cover the dough in a bowl and rest for 15 minutes.

5. To cook the gummies: Bring a pot of 4 liters water to a boil. Lower the heat to medium low.

6. Dust the work area with extra tapioca starch and roll out the tapioca dough. Dust the top of the dough with a generous amount of tapioca starch and use a knife to cut to small strips. The strips will become sticky, but no worries, add more tapioca starch to help prevent from sticking.

7. Cut the strips, going across the short sides, about 1/4 inch in thickness. Rub the gummies in the tapioca starch to prevent from sticking to each other.

8. Shake off excess tapioca starch from the gummies (a colander or a sieve can be used to shake off as well). Drop the gummies in the boiling water. Stir and cook until gummies float to the surface.

9. Using a slotted spoon, remove the gummies and shock it in a bowl of cold water. Rinse the gummies with cold water and drain some water out but keep enough water in the gummies to keep from sticking (they will expand as well).

10. To make the glutinous balls with water chestnut filling (optional): To dye the water chestnut: add a couple drops food coloring (optional) with a little water; stir to mix. Let it sit for 15 minutes, then rinsed and drained. In a bowl, combine the 1 cup glutinous flour and 2 Tbsp tapioca starch; stir to mix. Slowly, add in warm water and mix to form a dough. Add a couple drops of food coloring of your choice. and keep kneading until soft, about 2 minutes. Add more glutinous rice flour if dough is too wet and vise versa if dough is too hard.

11. Pinch a thumb-size dough, or if you prefer to, use a 1 tsp measuring spoon to scoop, then flatten and fill in with 1 to 2 pieces of diced water chestnut. Pinch to seal and roll it gently between your palms to make a ball. Repeat the process until dough has been used up.

12. Cook in boiling water (you can use the same pot of water you cooked the tapioca gummies). Stir and cook on medium heat and when it floats, remove with a slotted spoon to shock it in cold water. Rinsed in cold water and drain some water out but leave enough water to prevent from sticking.

13. Cook tapioca pearls: Bring 5 cups water in a pot to boil. Pour in the pearl and stir. Cook on medium-low heat for 20 minutes. Turn off heat (add a few drops of food coloring of your choice) and cover the pot, then rest for an additional 15 more minutes.

14. Rinse under running cold water, then give it a few seconds for the pearls to settle to the bottom, then drain (you can use a colander or a sieve to help make it easier). But leave enough water with the pearls to prevent from sticking.

15. Mix all the ingredients together: In a tall container, pour the coconut water and followed by the cooked ingredients, prepped canned ingredients, then basil seeds and chia seeds. Stir to mix. Let the Navam sit for 15 minutes or until the basil seeds and chia seeds hydrate.

16. Serve chilled.

17. Store leftovers in the refrigerator.

#asiandessert #tapioca #tapiocapearls #coconutwater #healthyeating

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Trinkets, Worthless, 2: These trinket are garbage plain and simple. They would be termed vendor trash or junk loot in video games. They aren't touched by stray magic or mystery as with regular trinkets, aren't made from valuable materials and aren't particular useful even if they aren't damaged.

A scrap of parchment on which is written two bars of music that, when played, sound awful.

A bill of sale for two dozen magic morningstars, sold by Alvin Cogsbottom and purchased by Farbgarble (bugbear warlord).

A black pouch filled with the defiled ash of burned human remains

A black, oily feather that smells of burning.

A blade of a serrated cleaver that lacks a handle.

A bone comb that is missing several of its teeth.

A bone plate with images of two celestial bodies etched on it

A bright red feather of a giant bird.

A broken bone heartpick inscribed with the history of a long dead Tarek tribe

A broken jade disk inscribed with the image of a templar holding up a human heart

A broken wooden gambling token

A bundle of ragged “treasure maps” drawn by inventive local children.

A ceramic box holding a tiny worm with a head at each end

A chess rook made of bone.

A child’s doll made of twigs held together with cord and scraps of fabric.

A child’s stuffed Tarrasque doll.

A child’s drawing of a house on a hill, with a smiling sun in the sky.

A clay tablet covered with unknown runes

A clear glass dish with four round notches around the outside edge

A climbing aid fashioned from the serrated spine of a desert eel.

A cloth pouch containing a half-dozen, small, badly carved goblin figures.

A copper spoon that always tastes of raw meat.

A cracked brass hand bell

A decorative, pewter beard ring

A deformed humanoid skull.

A desiccated spider wrapped up in a light gauzy cloth.

A dried esperweed flower

A dried flower with black petals.

A dried out hurrum beetle husk

A dried praying mantis whose wings are outstretched and forelimbs are poised to strike.

A dried-out honey comb

A dried, hollowed gourd filled with unidentifiable dried herbs

A dull spoon engraved with the name “Heartseeker”.

A dusty, twisted scale from a huge prehistoric lizard.

A finely preserved sheep’s bladder.

A flag for a country which no longer exists.

A flask which has had its inside surface blackened by soot.

A flute made of unknown material.

A folded parchment containing an intricate diagram of a complex machine of unknown origin and purpose.

A fossilized giant spider egg.

A frog statuette from which the legs have been broken off.

A glass decanter filled with a black oily liquid.

A glass jar with air holes in the lid, containing a dozen small beetles and some lettuce leaves.

A glass jar with various tentacles in a pickling fluid

A grappling hook with silken cord attached to the end. One of the three hooks is broken, and another is bent almost in line with the body of the hook.

A half-brick in a sock.

A halfling skull with a significant parietal slashing wound that also corroded the bone.

A halfling war fetish covered in dried blood

A hardened bone slave collar

A headless porcelain doll.

A hemp sack filled with coal. If the coal is examined, small bite marks can be seen on some of the pieces.

A hempen anklet that cannot be untied once attached.

A jar with some strange meat within. It’s labelled with the words “ Fresh bat entrails ”.

A key ring full of locks with no keys.

A large burlap bag filled with rat teeth.

A large coconut full of delicious milk.

A large lead vial of brackish, foul smelling liquid.

A leather pouch containing a handful of dried edible insects.

A leather pouch labelled “Interesting rocks”, which is ironically filled with rather boring looking peddles and stones.

A long wooden pick used for teasing the marrow out of cracked bones.

A map of a cave system, or perhaps tunnel system from another realm. It is not well marked

A necklace of elf-ears.

A page from an unknown diary containing only the words “close the door” written in what appears to be blood.

A pair copper coins stuck face to face, which can not be separated by any known means.

A pair of cracked drum sticks made of hickory

A pair of sticks which, when thrown in the air, always land pointing to each other.  

A pamphlet describing the usage of ear wax as a medical remedy for excessive flatulence.

A partially burned branch from a fir tree.

A pickled turnip in a jar.

A piece of ceramic with the image of silt skimmer on it

A piece of hook horror egg shell.

A piece of wax imprinted with the image of the Grand Vizier of a distant empire

A preserved giant tic.

A preserved monkey’s tail.

A red bag of dried leeches. It weighs nothing.

A red bag of dried leeches. It weighs nothing.

A red building brick. It looks harmless enough, but then again, most bricks are. The words “Mr Brick” are inscribed in small writing on one side.

A religious text describing the proper observance of a holiday no one has heard of.

A rough stone statuette of an extinct lizard

A rusted an unbalanced scale

A rusted set of sheers.

A salted lizard, impaled on a stick.

A sand-coloured shell of a large insect.

A scrap of hyeana hide

A scroll with a basic spell written incorrectly on it

A sealed tube of clear liquid with a tiny bobber floating in the middle of it.

A selection of feathers stuck into a ball of tar.

A set of baby shoes, covered in dried blood.

A set of dowsing sticks. They lie.

A severed head of a porcelain doll

A shard of obsidian with a tiny skull inside of it

A shopping list that reads: Milk, Bread, Eggs, Cheese, Beef, Goblin Dander.

A single drop of lamp oil sealed in a glass bead.

A single drum stick made of maple

A single, all blue, piece for a jigsaw puzzle.

A small air-dried, rodent skull necklace

A small cube made of fish bones with a glass marble in its centre.

A small desiccated finger. Due to the state of it, it’s difficult to tell the original species it came from.

A small glass jar, filled with some sort of jelly. There is an unknown script on the lid.

A small piece of leather which holds several small pieces of dried sap

#d&d #dnd #d&d 3.5 #d&d 4e #d&d 5e #d&d homebrew #d&d 5e homebrew #loot #custom loot #loot generator #random loot table #pathfinder #trinkets #roleplaying #rpg #dungeons and dragons #dungeon master #dm #d&d ideas #treasure #treasure table #d&d resources #tabletop homebrew

[badly-drawn-piplup]

Happiness Overload Chapter Twelve

I love my sister, I really do. But sometimes she can be a nuisance.

″Polo!″ She whined whilst hopping about in her bedroom. I could hear the whining from clear across the hall. The vibrations in the building could be felt from across the hall as well. She had such mighty hops. I rushed to her aid. Along the way I thought of birds. I was so glad to not be an eagle. My sister might be poison dart. Her skin has been known to give me rashes, but I would risk a million rashes if it meant hugging her a million times.

The door, neither wooden nor metal, but some kind of fiber that might have been edible, slammed open. Some of the hinges seemed to be coming loose. It might have been me who slammed the door.

″Polo!″ She was rolling around now. There was a certain fury to her voice that made me unsure how to approach her. Siblings, as we all know, can be difficult to read sometimes. What they want, what they don't want.

″What's all the commotion, dear sister?″ She jolted up and stopped moving save for her bulging eyes which scanned her surroundings. She must have seen my presence and went back to pouting.

″Polo! Polo!″ She pouted and pointed at her wall.

There it was: a poster of a character from an anime.

″Now, now, dear sister! You can't be Tsuyu!″

My sister sunk to the floor. It looked like she was going to cry. I don't think she had tear ducts, though.

″You don't have the right hairstyle!″ I tried to console her. I think I did a good job. It was really interesting how amphibian eggs tend to lay near water in jelly sacs. Tadpoles are especially adorable. Earth is filled with many wonderful things.

″Polo! Polo! Polo! Polo!″ She croaked. I hate it when my sister and I argue. I love her so, but she can be so damn stubborn.

″No, you can't date Tsuyu, either! She's not real!″

My sister leaped at me. With her webbed hands balled into a webbed fist, she pounded away at my chest. None of it hurt or even tickled, but it was nice to know how much she cared.

″Now, now. There's plenty of gay frogs in the pond!″ I hummed the words to a jazzy tune. That seemed to calm her down just a little. But not enough, for she hopped over to her bed and perched, arms folded and chin stretched, but not another word out of her.

I sighed. ″Looks like I need to leave you be for now, huh, little Polo?″

There were other matters to attend to, anyhow. Disciplinary measures had to be made. No one was allowed to make my sister sad. Not even me. I remember once when I kept a jar of flies high up on a shelf. She had already eaten but she must have still been hungry, for she stretched her tongue up high and grabbed the jar with it. But her grip wasn't strong enough and the jar broke, letting many flies free. My arms were folded, my eyes were squinted, and I was about ready to scold her. She must have heard the yelling in her head before I even had a chance to do any, for she let out a little chirp and I let loose my folded arms and gave her a hug instead. I developed burns across my arms, but I knew that the right decision had been made.

″Hey! You've corrupted my sister with your sinful images!″ I chastised the pariah sitting at the computer next to many a gay figures. This pariah was a guest in our home, a major asset or possible ambassador. After being sent to the chopping block one too many times, this pariah took the shape of a human. The same shape of a human that must have been taken over a hundred times already. They weren't an amphibian.

″The fuck you talking about?″ Growled our guest. Quite the rude one, but I was used to our guest being a rude one. I was used to this rude guest before they became 'this rude guest'. Before it was more 'this rude acquaintance'.

″I know you watch anime when you should be uncovering secret documents related to The Flashbulb!″ I scolded.

″So? These things take time. Conrad understood that. Why can't you?″

″Oh, my dear Kelly Roger. I understand it quite well. I also understand that there are far better uses of your time. I see everything you see, and by extension, my sister sees everything you see.″

″So when I watch porn...″ Kelly Roger, this thing identified as, started off. I knew it was more of an insinuation, a question that suggested an answer already known, but I knew better than to humor a humorless chap.

″The clouds are shifting this afternoon,″ I observed.

″Marco, we're indoors!″ Kelly Roger's fingers snapped. Reality was something I was seeped in and yet I was supposed to believe I ever left.

″Look, because of your sinful images, my sister has a poster of a character named 'Tsuyu' and wants to be just like her. Or in a relationship with her. It's hard to tell with siblings, you know?″

Kelly Roger, that smarmy bastard, shrugged.

″No. I don't know.″

This brat was a wonderful not-froggy thing, but I missed the days when we would talk about making this dream of ours a reality – this dream of a bright, froggy future, where everyone could live real, meaningful, happy lives.

Actually, I think those days was just yesterday. In fact, I think yesterday was the first day. Or the  only day. Unless you count that day three years ago. It's hard to keep track of time. The past is such a stingy thing; best left ignored, save for the small details.

″I was thinking of getting out of here for good!″ Velvet grinned, something uncharacteristic of her. ″We'll even leave Conrad behind!″

Now that was odd. Why would Velvet want to leave Conrad behind? Maybe she knew something I didn't, but from what I could tell, she always seemed to regard Conrad as the man with the plans. Even still, I decided to play along. I gave off a smirk.

″It's about time. I've been planning to do the exact same thing for a while, but I don't know a damn thing on how to pilot your ship.″

Velvet tilted her head, puzzled by my reply. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was just playing along and had no actual plan of my own. If I could go for a ride with Velvet, and not just into the nearest Egyptian city, that would have been awesome. It might have been a real adventure that I was lacking these past three years.

″Excellent!″

We were walking toward the large doors where Velvet's ship resided. Soon enough, we would board it and take off into who knows where? Maybe she actually had a plan and the next chapter in my life would begin. I hoped so, but just as we reached the doors, Velvet stopped dead in her tracks.

″Do you feel that?″ She asked. Her voice was hushed, almost like she thought someone was watching or listening in. It wasn't the same grin, the same carefree attitude she was displaying just a minute ago.

″Is someone invisible touching you?″ I asked in reply. That was a stupid thing to ask, and I wasn't sure whether I asked it in earnest or trying to ease the tension that she must have been feeling.

She shook her head. ″That might be more comfortable than...″

″Than what?″ But I shouldn't have even bothered asking. I felt it too.

″This is bad. We should have never talked about leaving for good!″

″Hey, you're the one who brought it up!″ I retorted. She didn't have a comeback. She looked more concerned than anything. She raced back to where the Beiges were. I tried to follow suit, but found it hard to keep up with her.

How is it that you're in better shape than me when you're the one who eats mostly junk food? I thought while going as quick as my feet would carry me.

The further I walked toward the living room where Velvet probably was at, the stuffier the air grew. Something was off, that I knew for sure. But what...?

My arms rubbed against each other, moisture catching onto each hand. It was a sort of compulsive, absentminded movement, but I realized, still walking, what I was feeling.

Sweat.

Once I reached the living room, where the Beiges leaned back in their chairs, the smell hit me: musty, dank, and not quite marijuana.

″It's suffocating...″ was the murmur I heard from Velvet before I noticed her shape at the corner of the room, she herself peering out into the many halls.

″It's like a hotbox in here,″ I remarked, although my breath short.

Gusts of hot air blew forth and I started to gag. I took small strides toward Velvet, muscling through the weight of the heat.

I feel like a boiled frog, I thought.

″Do you ever stop cracking jokes?″ She chided. I felt the sting of her comment, but tried to brush it off, pointing to the Beiges sitting down.

″They're just faded, right?″

She shook her head. Her head seemed to bob back and forth. She wasn't doing too well either, but it was like I was seeing a portion of her true colors.

″I checked. No heartbeat, kiddo.″

She took weary steps forward into one of the halls. Again, I followed behind.

″So they're dead? But why?″

She was hunched over. She didn't quite shrug, but the gesture she made had the same effect. She lifted her hand up and made little flitting movements with it.

″Their air conditioner unit. It's blowing hot air. It's suffocating...″ she groaned.

″I don't get it. How were they able to survive in here for thousands of years without an a/c but it was an a/c that killed them?″ I pondered.

″Don't know. Not important now.″

″What is important? Do you even know where you're going?″ I was concerned for Velvet. Concerned for myself. The air, whether it be the heat or some other gut feeling, reeked of dread.

″I don't know yet, but I will. All I know is that their deaths weren't an accident.″

She swayed, her movements suggested that she was trying to take strides, but couldn't. Only a few paces forward and we were both met by another gust, this time of cool air. It sent us back and I fell on my back. She held her arms over her head. In that moment she looked like a true hero, shining bright. Meanwhile, my vision was too blurry, me too dizzy, to take it all in.

She glanced back at me. ″I'm all right, kiddo! I'm stronger than I look!″

I believed her, until she wobbled to and fro and collapsed.

We were both on the floor, a cool breeze blowing away our running sweats.

″Look at the sorry states we're in,″ I observed. ″How pathetic.″

She raised a finger, and after drawing labored breaths, made an observation of her own.

″It's to be expected...an intense heat met by a sudden chill...not a good feeling.″

″So this is it?″ I lifted my head to meet Velvet. ″We're going to die?″

″It was not planned that way. The Beige were the target,″ replied someone. I thought it was Velvet at first, but the voice didn't quite match. This voice was huskier, but also...tinny? There was a mechanic feeling in her voice. Not just that, it was too familiar...

I struggled up and I think Velvet did the same. She let out a yelp, as did I.

Etna, the hologram AI, in the pyramid with us, walked through the nearby wall. Her empty eyes peered down at Velvet and I.

″Why are you here?″ I growled.

She studied her hand and flexed her fingers about, ignoring my question.

″It seems there is only a certain radius in which I can move around. What electronics I am able to utilize is dependent on said radius.″

″Hey!″ I barked. ″I asked you a question!″

She shot a glance at me. ″Ask your friend Conrad.″

Etna started walking away, but followed up her statement with one more before we lost sight of her:

″You two are free to leave.″

″What?!″ I shouted. ″Didn't you want to kill me the last time we met?″

She chuckled a laughter devoid of humor. ″Three years have passed. I've moved on. The world has moved on.″

She disappeared from view. Whatever anger I may have had was cut short. What I really felt was confusion. Why was she here? How was she here? And now of all times?

″She said to ask Conrad!″ I blurted out, the lightbulb over my head shining fluorescent.

″Yeah, I was right there, too,″ Velvet replied, not at all impressed with my revelation. She picked herself up, still looking woozy. ″That was the artificial intelligence that killed the previous you, by the way,″ she added.

″Yeah, I saw,″ I replied. Twice.

″Condolences,″ she said in a way that seemed devoid of care, but I knew better.

″So, we getting back on the ship? She gave us a chance to leave, after all,″ I asked.

Velvet shook her head. ″Hell no! I'm going to find Conrad and sort this shit out!″

″Where will you find him? From what I can remember, she needs a rather large computer to project her image.″

″Yeah, I know exactly where to find him.″

″Well, even if you do, it seems a bit...dangerous?″

She started flexing her arms. ″Dude, I eat Cheetos. I live dangerously.″

We both paused. She hung her head. ″Sorry, that line was cheesy.″

There was no further comment that could be made, so I turned in the other direction.

″Where are you going?″ She asked. ″You making a run for it? You already admitted you don't know how to pilot my ship.″

″I just gotta take care of something. I'll be right back.″

″Take care of something? At a time like this?″ She sounded baffled.

″I'll just be a few minutes,″ I reassured. ″I'll meet back with you.″

I walked away, but as I did so, I heard her yell.

″Yeah! Good luck with that! These hallways alone are 5 and a half minutes long!″

Gee, did you take the time to count?

Time. Time was definitely an issue. I didn't know how well Etna could be trusted. She was a bullshitter of the highest caliber. I, being a bullshitter as well, could see past any of the bluffs she may have made and could avoid certain death if I played my cards right, but I didn't know how well Velvet would fare. If at all possible, I would have liked for both Velvet and I to make it out of this alive, but I didn't trust Etna to keep her word and leave us alone.

As I found that door I had visited so many times before, I turned back and saw the dead Beiges.

″I'm sorry, guys...″ I whispered. They taught me to weave baskets, to make my own shirts out of hemp. I was forever in their debt. Etna wiped them all out, silently, when they were at their most high, and for what? What ever reason she had, I couldn't fathom, but it was unforgivable. ″I promise I'll make it right.″

While running down the stairway, it finally clicked: I knew where Conrad was too. It was so obvious, why didn't I figure it out as soon as Velvet did? This was good. It meant there was something I could do.

Once I passed through the door and into the Hall of Memories, I looked around. I needed some place to put a note, somewhere where I could find it.

I found one of the books I read about some old man who thinks a lot about fake cheese. It didn't seem important, and there was enough of a blank space for me to write on the bottom of it, so I ripped out the page and folded it. I reached into my pocket for a pen, only I didn't have one. That's when I realized something else, anyway: my plan wouldn't have worked.

I kicked one of the shelves. I paced around, not knowing what else to do. We were really doomed, weren't we?

I couldn't write a note to my past self because this is the future. I could tear out every page in every memory and it would have no effect in the past. What's done was done. All I could do was try to get out of here with Velvet.

″Damn it! If only I could go further back into the past, end up here, write the note I was going to write, then go back to the future!″ I cursed. Why I had to be such an idiot in such a dire situation I didn't know, but it was something I would have to take to the grave with me.

″Spill orange juice on whatever it is Conrad's been working on in that guest room,″ was what I meant to write, but it would have done me no good.

I raced back up the stairs and out the door. I didn't even bother closing it. Once more, I saw the dead Beiges lounging.

″I'm sorry,″ I once again said. ″I don't think I can make this right, but I swear I'll make this less wrong, somehow.″

In the hallway I found the darkened room where Conrad built the computer allowing Etna to roam free. I stepped inside, tossing aside any warning signs, any caution that may have been thrown my way.

″Conrad? Velvet?″ I called, mouth cupped, and in such a hushed voice as to not attract too much attention. No answer. Maybe I wasn't loud enough. Etna didn't seem concerned about me being alive. I supposed there was no harm in being a tiny bit louder.

″Oh my god!″ I heard a yell from upstairs right as I was about to cup my hands to my mouth. Out of the possible candidates, Velvet seemed the likely suspect to be the owner of said yell. Was she in danger? Was she in distress?

What do you think, moron? My thought argued with me.

Good point. I should run up there and help her out, I agreed.

I took the stride to run upstairs, but I fell; tripped over a thick cable on the floor. Connected to a power outlet on the wall, or some source of electricity. While on the floor, a piercing sound shot through. 'Shot' being an appropriate word: the unmistakable sound of gunfire.

Shit. Fuck. Fuckshit. Shitfuck, were my thoughts. Juvenile as they may have been, this was a point of duress and could anyone really blame me?

I picked myself up off my feet and ran out the room, not bothering to curse myself over the lack of useful findings in that dark palace that Conrad called his home and instead cursing myself that Velvet may be seriously hurt. Up the stairs, my sprints were met with a series of trips, internal profanities (none of which were creative), and picking myself back up only to go back to step one.

Quick turn of the head. Nothing around. Silence. I located the next flight of stairs and ran once more. It wasn't until I was at the tip of the pyramid where I arrived at the scene.

Just one room: Velvet in front of me, unharmed, holding a gun of her own. Conrad, across the room, also holding a gun. How either of them came into possession was beyond me. I would have tapped on Velvet's shoulder, asked her, but it seemed she was a little tense at the moment.

In the middle of the room lie the body of a Beige, lifeless and faded.

″I can't believe you killed Tim! You bastard!″ I shouted. I never interacted with Tim, but as the only Beige with a name, it was hard to not know who Tim was. Everyone always said that Tim resided at the very top and didn't do anything. Well, that was true more than ever.

″Now you know why I said 'oh my god'!″ Velvet turned around and replied.

″Man, I'm glad you're okay,″ I told her as I let out a sigh of relief.

″You know me,″ she winked. I didn't really, but I think that was the point; I knew as much as she wanted me to know.

″It's not what it looks like!″ Conrad went on the defense, hands shaking on the gun. ″The Beige are a threat that must be eliminated!″

″A threat to who? You? The Flashbulb? Us?″ I stepped forward, feeling bold enough to interject.

″You guys weren't even supposed to be here!″ He protested, and at the same time, ignored my question. ″I let you guys leave so you would be safe!″

I turned back to Velvet. Sure, he could have taken that time to shoot me, but it's not like I had anything to defend myself from a gun anyway. Velvet shrugged, letting slip an ″oops″ smile.

″Well, maybe we'll just leave now, right Velvet?″

″Fuck that noise!″ Velvet roared. ″I ain't leavin' 'til we get some answers! First off: really? You in The Flashbulb? That's, like, the lamest plot twist ever!″

″I have my reasons,″ Conrad stated.

Velvet shot the floor next to where he stood. He jumped back, letting out a yelp.

″That's not gonna do.″

″Fine,″ he growled. ″What do you want to know?″

I raised my hand. Both Velvet and Conrad looked at me, annoyed. Velvet, in particular, gave me the look of ″what do you think you're doing interrupting me?″ or maybe it was the look of ″we're in the middle of a tense situation and you're raising your hand? What could you possibly want?″

″I just wanna say, while it's probably a big mystery as to why you would join an organization you often call 'evil' and 'something that must be stopped', what I really want to know is why you brought Etna here? What purpose does she serve in coming here?″

″You have been my least favorite Blanc so far,″ he growled.

I shrugged. So did Velvet.

″I don't know how you found out, but it doesn't matter now. I needed Etna here so I could go back to headquarters. My device broke and she's the only one I could reach out to.″

″So did none of us matter to you?″ Velvet pierced through Conrad with her question. He opened his mouth, ready to answer, but before he could, the figure of Etna appeared, pacing about behind Conrad.

″Interesting. So it seems I can move freely up here,″ she observed, not taking any notice of the three humans and one dead alien.

Conrad averted his gaze from Velvet and toward Etna. ″Are you going to help me out now? I brought you here!″ He demanded.

″For none but selfish reasons,″ she explained, looking at the ceiling rather than the one addressing her. ″My power here is limited, none of you are of value to me, and while decorative, killing the Beige was unnecessary as they provided little to no threat in our plans. In short,″ she pushed her glasses up and fixed her gaze on Conrad. ″I owe you nothing.″

I stood in awe at someone I might have once considered a friend get burned by what I might have currently considered an enemy. Not just awe, but enjoyment. I wanted to clap my hands but I knew better than to break the mood.

Conrad grunted, groaned, stomped his feet. ″This is not how it should go!″ He roared, and gave another stomp for good measure. There was no helping it; I let out a chuckle, coupled with a giggle. A titter, if you will. He saw that and pointed his bony finger at me.

″You!″ He hissed. ″This is all your fault!″

″What? Me?″ I pointed to myself. Now there were two fingers pointed at me.

″Conrad, settle down,″ Velvet warned, in a voice that was less calm and more of a threat. ″You're not thinking clearly. It's probably the heat.″

Instead of heeding Velvet's words, he responded with the click of a trigger pointed at my chest and a piercing sound ringing throughout the pyramid.

Here it is. And to think I never got to see Euphoria again, were my final thoughts before my death.

If my death were to occur.

Velvet dived in front of me just in time. In the very same instant that she was hit, she fired a bullet that hit Conrad in the shoulder. He let out the most god awful scream which would have put Wilhelm to shame. Velvet, too, yelped and winced as she made a thud against the floor.

″Holy shit!″ I yelped. ″Why would you do something like that?″

In spite of the pain, she managed a wry smile. ″I was just tired of not doing anything.″ She gave a thumbs up, as if to say ″go get 'em, tiger!″ but I had no idea what I was supposed to get, nor did I think of myself as a tiger.

Synthetic laughter cut its way through the commotion. Etna with all her artificial motions, was basking in the scene taking place.

″I would be lying if I said I didn't find this to be entertaining,″ she spoke, words echoing from across the room.

″Ugh...″ Velvet groaned, squirming on the floor. Blood was leaking down from her side, her hand covered her torso, just under her chest. ″This is my least favorite trope...I never even got to kiss a girl beforehand...″

Ignoring Etna's remark, I was focused on Velvet, the one who saved me from certain (or at least possible) death. ″What do you mean?″ I asked.

″I'm dying, you fucking idiot,″ she groaned, before turning her head and closing her eyes.

″Oh. Fuck,″ was all I could muster. My mouth went dry and I felt my heart dropping, the chains keeping it in place loosening. In the three years that I had known her, Velvet was like an older sister, watching out for me, teaching me things, protecting me. We may not have always got along, but that's probably what made me think of us as like siblings.

″There may yet be time,″ Etna observed. I fixed my gaze, this time, on Etna, who herself watched the dying Conrad and Velvet, seemingly amused by it all. The sadness and pain I was feeling, for a moment, was transferring and redirecting itself to the anger department.

″I could bring forth Ecstasy, revive one or even both of them.″

″Stop it, you!″ I barked. Those were stupid words, but they were all I could think to say.

″You know, Ecstasy has no sexual preference. Either one of them will do,″ she goaded.

It's too late for Velvet, I thought. I could hear Conrad seething, still breathing, even if he wasn't exactly having a good time.

″I thought you said your power here was limited!″ I reminded her. Maybe she lad a lapse in reason and I would have the upper hand.

Instead, she raised a finger, then waved it. It seemed like she was going to say ″tsk. Tsk.″ She was enjoying this villain role a little too much. It was disgusting.

″Limited, but not powerless. Never powerless. Right now there are terminals where I can manifest all around the world. I can allow millions of images of me to move free in any city. This pyramid gives me little to do. But Ecstasy, she can be anywhere. She can do so much more. All she needs is a vessel...″

I gulped. That really wasn't fair. I wasn't even sure if it made much sense. At least I had one rebuttal.

″Conrad would never agree to join with Ecstasy, though! He's got standards!″ I thought for a second, then retracted my statement. ″Well, maybe not, but he knows better!″

″I agree,″ I heard, in a low voice. Conrad lifted his head, a rush of energy filling him.

God damn it, Conrad! I thought. Why you gotta play me like that?

″His memories may not be the same as before, but, you know what they say about the devil and details,″ she played coy. It was ill fitting of an AI.

Conrad stood, hunched over. He swayed back and forth, in a sort of trance. He seemed to be mouthing words, but no sounds were emitted. It was as if he was still getting accustomed to having a roommate in his body.

″Oh, come on!″ I whined. ″He just got shot in the shoulder!″ Shot through the heart and you're too late... fuck, why was that song playing in my head as I said that? ″He would have lived!″

Etna ignored my comment and instead made one of her own, once again basking in the scenery.

″Now, I have no reason to kill you. As I said, the world and I have moved on without you. Killing you would do nothing as you pose no threat.″

Oh thank goodness. She really is a Bond villain.

″However,″ she added. ″I am a sadist.″

I gulped, but also felt at ease. At least there was no longer any pretense about it. It was so annoying when she tried to make grandiose speeches.

Gusts of wind followed by stings brushed up against me, forming cuts on my arms, legs, cheeks, and chest. What followed were consecutive sharp pains across my back. I yelped and was brought down to my knees. I could feel myself falling over, while blood (or sweat (or a mixture of both)) ran down. I imagined Blanc, the one that wasn't me and that I only heard about through stories, went through something similar when they entered the elevator that day.

Squinting my eyes, I noticed everything growing dimmer. I could see shadows swimming about, dancing in fashion, as if they were vines or tentacles, behind Conrad.

This must be the work of Ecstasy, I thought.

Conrad was silent while standing still, attacking me. One of the shadows looked like it was aiming for my head. He (and in extension, Ecstasy) wanted to end me then and there. I could hear Etna's laughter, so sincere, yet so hollow. It could have very well been the end of me, but I couldn't let that happen without trying to do something about it. What good would Velvet's sacrifice have been if I just did nothing and accept my death?

As the shadow tentacles shot forth, I closed my eyes and held out my hands.

″Just one moment!″ I yelled. Conrad stopped. ″Just one moment with Etna, that's all I ask!″

She loved watching the death of others, that much was clear. But she also loved the sound of her own voice, especially when it could be used to hurt others.

″I'm going to die anyway, so what's a minute or two of your time?″ I raised the question, smirking along the way.

″Very well. Surely you have something in mind, so what could it be?″ She shot back.

″I'm just thinking, if you kill me, I won't be able to grant you a physical form,″ I hoped that with what I said, that she took the bait. Instead, she laughed.

″Why would I ever want a human body? I'm much more powerful how I am now! I can do so much more and without the restraints of blind ambition! Simple propositions will not work on someone like me!″

Despite what she said, there was a way in which she defended herself that made me feel like if I nudged just a little more, I would have her. While I knew the elder Beige trusted me, I was also a fan of self-preservation.

″I get all that, trust me, I do, but I also get how you felt when Laharl and Vyers betrayed you and turned you into a machine.″

She looked startled by my words, but then smiled her coy smile.

″Interesting. So somehow you looked into my memories. Even still, what use would I have being human once more? As already stated, I have power and knowledge that my human self lacked. If I so desire, those two directors could meet a terrible fate,″ she explained.

″Yes,″ but I grinned right back. ″What if I told you I could make it so that you return to your human self but still have the capabilities you have now?″

″Doubtful, but I'll humor you. Tell me: How do you plan on going about this?″

″Now, now,″ I made little shooing motions, acting all playful despite my life being on the line. I suppose if I were to die, I may as well have gone out having fun. ″A magician never reveals their secrets. But...I will need some assistance from the audience,″ I winked. I felt like such a dork, but playing it up may have been just what I needed to do.

″If I were to grant your wish, what is it that you would require?″ She asked, both to my delight, and surprise.

″Si...simple!″ I stammered, then cleared my throat. ″Uh, simple: I would need entry into The Flashbulb's headquarters.″

″Is that all?″ She inquired, as if what I asked of her actually was simple.

″I also require Conrad to escort me.″

Conrad's mouth was agape. He must have been in shock over what was going down. No doubt he didn't want to help me, either.

″Very well,″ Etna smiled. This time I couldn't tell what was behind that smile. I knew there was nothing as it was just an image, but that aside, there was the matter of just what her smile meant. Was she in genuine gratitude that I might be able to help her? Was she genuinely happy? Or did she believe that either way, my fate was sealed and this was just a way to humor me and in turn, humor her?

Nah, that couldn't be it. At the moment, I was her hero.

Etna closed her artificial eyes and the same moment I thought she considered me to be her hero, she spoke not a word. It must have been a difficult moment for her, but when she opened her eyes, she spoke.

″I sent a transmission to the higher ups. It is awaiting approval.″

Just as she said that, a portal opened up and through the portal I could see an image of a metallic hallway, similar to the labyrinth I once traversed with Euphoria.

″Begone, you two,″ she pointed to the portal. Conrad was hesitant.

″Why me?″ He groaned.

″Perhaps you're the type who gets off to your own pain, but if that's the case, I imagine if I were to leave your body now that you would just die of pleasure,″ she crooned. Something told me she didn't have to say it herself, that she could have had Ecstasy say it without me listening, but then, I think she wanted me to hear it. For whatever reason that may have been.

″Fine,″ he dragged his feet and followed me into the great unknown, or the great familiar, depending on one's perspective.

We arrived at the facility in the dead of night. I checked my phone. 3 AM. The witching hour. Not that I believed any of that garbage, but it was always funny how superstitious people were about a time of day as if it actually meant something.

Along the way to the facility, I kept getting bonked on the head by the same person who carried me on his shoulders.

″So? How did it feel? Riding that elevator? So many times?″

I growled. ″I don't know! Like an elevator? Boring?″

″Oh yes, I imagine something like that. Some nice muzak here and there?″ He teased.

″I can't remember? Look, does it really even matter? I'm here, aren't I?″ There was no point squirming, just one of his hands on my back was like that of a boa constrictor's grip. Or, so I imagined. I never saw the appeal of zoos.

″Polo!″ Polo butted in. She was hopping from rooftop to rooftop, following the rhythm of motions that Marco made as he leaped across. All the while, I wanted to hurl, and I was certain I probably did at some point.

On the outskirts of the city, Marco set me down and he raised the hand he used to carry me up to his head as he scanned his surroundings.

″Where is this Lilypad base, anyway?″ I asked.

″We're going across the pond!″ Marco responded in a half-cheer and half-sing-a-long.

″Really? England?″

″The seagulls are stirring...″ he muttered, before turning around and looking astounded. ″What? Why would we be going to England? I was just making a frog reference!″

″Polo!″ Polo agreed.

″See? My sister gets it!″

I'm sorry, but I'm not your sister, I thought, clearly not getting it.

″There's an island off the coast of the next city over!″

″Ugh, I hate that city! They're so smug over there!″ I complained.

″Do you think that if I cut off a portion of my arm that I would grow back a second arm on top of my current arm?″ Marco wondered.

″Polo! Polo!″ Polo rebutted.

″Right, I'm not a salamander! Thanks for clearing that up, dear sister!″

I sighed, then felt an upset in my stomach. I had a feeling I was going to throw up again.

Marco bonked me over the head. It felt like an anvil. If I had died from the bonk then and there, this would be a much better, and less boring story.

″So how many times have you taken that elevator?″

″I don't know. At least a hundred?″ ″Oh boy! Just a hundred? It has been three years, has it not?″

″Fine. At least three hundred, I guess?″

″Oh boy! Your head must be mush! Seriously messed up, I dare say! How are you even functioning right now?″ He kept tapping me with his fist while making jeers I didn't understand. ″Gone for a little 'chop and change' every other day or so, huh?″

″Are you done?″ I groaned.

He nodded his head. I took a sigh of relief, but right as I did, he started up again.

″Like, who am I talking to right now? You may as well be a mindless serotonin government slave right now, huh?″

I wanted to hit my head against this concrete block wall or jump off the roof, just end it here and there. Those two were a headache, both physically and metaphorically. I didn't know if I could endure any more, or if any hacker group was worth this much trouble.

Before I had any time to take any drastic measures, Marco swooped me up and threw me into the air, propping me up on his shoulders once more.

″Come on, my little bugaboo! The night is still young and we have many stars to catch!″ His voice sang, dreamy as it was, it was also a whole lot of nothing.

″Polo!″ Polo rang a little ribbit, not quite as dreamy but still amounted to nothing as far as meaningful dialogue goes.

There wasn't a lot I recall during the moments of flight due to the motion sickness I acquired and made clear with my dizzy head and vomit, but there was a point where I swore security guards heard us and start pouring out from doorways and onto the rooftops we were jumping from. Somehow, against all odds, I passed out, although I heard static over their radios and possible gunfire.

What caused my awakening was a loud thud and sand in my face. My eyes opened to see myself on the shore of a beach next to some large building, the building itself obscured by palm trees. Hard to say how obscured it was, though, since palm trees did not grow around these parts and it would be rather out of place however you look at it.

″The fuck? That fucking hurt!″ I half yelled and half yawned.

″Beats taking the ferry though, eh? No fare to the ferryman!″ Marco sang.

″There's no such thi...ugh. Why do I even bother with you?″

″Falcons and eagles had better watch out for my sister. She's a poison dart gay frog.″

″I...uh...″ wasn't following. But this was Marco we were talking about here. It didn't take more than two sentences to lose track of what Marco was talking about. ″Say, were we shot at? Did police get involved? Were we noticed? Did anyone yell 'get down from those buildings?'″

Marco whistled. Polo licked her eyeballs with her tongue.

″Answer me, dammit!″ I growled.

″It was all in your head,″ Marco grinned and shrugged.

″Ugh! You had better not be joking around right now! I spent years in therapy! I was told you two didn't even exist, that you two were all in my head! I was lead to question what was real and what wasn't. Are you aware of what 'gaslighting' is?″

″Sure would be nice to see the other amphibians, yes? Let's go inside!″ Marco gestured toward the door.

″Well?!″ I stamped my foot.

″It couldn't be outside of your head for your eyes were closed, lad. Whether it was real or not, you didn't see it,″ he reassured in his own illogical way. It didn't make me any less angry, but I decided it was pointless to argue further and just walked into the facility with him.

Inside were rows of tables and cubicles separating the many, many desktop computers, humming. The click-clack of keyboard mashes and mouse clicks made me feel right at home. There seemed to be a few things out of place, like, say, the test tubes and beakers on tables next to the walls. Severed human body parts floating in some chemical mixture (eyes, feet, hands, noses), and swarms of  flies buzzing around the room. The numerous computers seemed to be but a fraction of what made up this facility with various doors leading to what I assumed to be extensions of the building, further mysteries I might see soon enough.

″My god, am I in IT heaven?″ I marveled at what I was seeing.

Marco raised his hands up. ″Welcome to our froggy abode!″ He cheered.

Polo hopped across the room, to which a big, burly man stood up wearing some flannel outfit that made him look like a lumberjack. He was covered in warts and had a greenish complexion.

″Curly-Wurly!″ The man bellowed and Polo leaped into his hairy and warty arms.

″Polo!″ She gave a cheerful ribbit.

″Chungus!″ He bellowed once more.

″Kelly Roger, meet Mr. Periwinkle, he's a toad.″

″Toads aren't frogs,″ I pointed out.

Marco seemed to be ignoring me, instead marveling at the moment between his 'sister' and this 'toad' named Mr. Periwinkle.

″Why are they hugging for so long, anyway?″

″Frog and Toad are friends!″ Marco cheered.

″Yeah, but are they also lovers or something? They seem to be awful close.″

″Oh, no, my dear Kelly Roger, you have it all wrong! Mr. Periwinkle is a bear!″ Marco explained while also further confusing me.

″Okay so first you said this place was inhabited by nothing but frogs but then you say Mr. Periwinkle is a toad. Then you say he's a bear. But really, all's I see is a human.″

″Chumbawumba!″ Mr. Periwinkle made a loud, low croak. Marco brought his hands forward.

″Now, now, Mr. Periwinkle, my dear friend Kelly Roger didn't mean it like that!″ Marco turned to me. ″Mr. Periwinkle is a gay toad, just like my sister is a gay frog. In fact, Mr. Periwinkle has a husband. He and his husband have been very supportive of my sister since she was a wee tadpole!″

″Tadpole?! She's a--″ Marco stopped my tirade before I could even begin.

″Shh! My sister's very sensitive!″ He turned his head to each side, then fixed himself back on me. ″Here, come with me. We have much to discuss. Brief history lessons.″

I would have grumbled, but I reminded myself what kind of heaven I was in and kept my cool.

We walked through the halls, through another doorway which sure enough, lead to an extension of the building where mechanisms I didn't know the names for were moving about. It looked like the other side was more than some facility but once a factory or a laboratory of sorts.

Marco did a little tap dance and hummed a tune.

″Are you going to make a point?″ I growled.

″Our world is so full of points. Point A, point B, point #1, and so on.″

Whatever voice he had couldn't mask his mannerisms, which were nails on a chalkboard in comparison. ″Long ago, the powers that be tried to prove a point. Or not so long ago. All a matter of perspective, really.″

He swayed now, rather than dancing in place, as if a soothing lullaby was flowing through his mind.

″The Flashbulb crunched in some numbers, saw a sort of future where amphibians would take over the earth and cause humans to go extinct. So they did what any rational organization would do and experimented on frogs, toads, salamanders, um...″ Marco started counting on his long fingers. ″Name something, Kelly Roger.″

″Newts,″ I replied, already bored out of my mind.

″Ah, yes! That's why you're so brilliant! Even though you are, by all manners of speaking, brain dead!″

″They experimented on poor, helpless amphibians and made it so that they would go into the wild, mate, and their offspring would go infertile. But it had some unintended side-effects.″

″Such as?″

″Swamps could make a good vacation spot, now that I think about it...″

″Such as?″ I asked again, this time louder.

″Well, to put it simply, all amphibians became hyper-intelligent. And gay. They overthrew the wicked scientists and turned this facility into what you see now. Oh, and they developed humanoid appearances, which not all of them are too happy about. I find them beautiful, myself, though. Almost like a metamorphosis.″

″So whenever Alex Jones goes on one of his rants...?″ I suggested, thinking of how he might have actually gotten something right.

Marco laughed a hearty laugh. ″He's just a puppet for The Flashbulb. They pay him to spew nonsense and entertain idiots who think fascism is cool. His real name is Richard Nozzle, by the way. Now, if you want to get down to who's on the side of amphibians...Look no further than the World Wildlife Foundation, which we work with in order to raise awareness of preserving the frog population and avoiding extinction.″

I shrugged. ″Whatever. Why do you need me?″

Marco grinned. ″Someone with your, say, condition, would make a perfect ambassador. What we hope to do is to make it so all humans become gay frogs and have the best living conditions possible. A total gay froggy utopia! You can help spread the word on how great it is to be a gay frog!″

He was still beaming. ″We'll give froggy people universal healthcare, a living wage, no, no wage, because no one will have to be a slave, we'll restore the environment, give everyone a froggy home! We'll do it all and spread the love of gay frogs!″

″Look, I don't care about any of that social justice bullshit. I just wanna hack shit.″

″Oh Kelly Roger, never change. Even though you've changed hundreds of times already!″

I think he could tell how deep my apathy went, so he shrugged as well. ″Very well, K. Rog (a nickname that I was hoping would not stick). Go find an open computer and get to uncovering information on The Flashbulb.″

I walked back into the office and looked around. There were some aspects of these people that could be considered...frog-like, but even if Marco was right, it didn't mean a thing to me. I was where I wanted to be, and I needed nothing more.

Through each hall, with all the neon blue lighting and wires, I walked alongside Blanc, hoping for an opportunity to get rid of them and do what needed to be done.

And what would that be, hm? Ecstasy rang in my ear, who I knew not to really be Ecstasy, as I wasn't born yesterday.

You already know, I shot back. Making sure not to speak out loud.

″This place is so cool, don't you think?″ Blanc remarked. I was hating this experience already. I wished Velvet aimed for a vital organ.

″No, it's not cool. It's deadly. Don't you remember your experience in the underground maze? This is very similar.″

″Maybe from a design standpoint...″ Blanc looked around while saying. ″Yeah, I can see the similarities, but I feel a sense of purpose here. More so than I did when I was down there.″ I shook my head. ″I'm afraid I don't understand. You're still going to die here.″

″Is that so?″ Blanc asked, sounding more curious than afraid. There was something unsettling about the whole thing. Like I was dealing with someone who stole the body of someone I knew rather than the real thing.

″This place is surrounded by cameras, watching our every move. Listening in on all of our conversations. I have seen no timeline in which you make it out of this alive. Whatever you're planning, it's useless,″ I warned them, hoping it would instill some sense of fear. Instead Blanc just gave a bit of a laugh.

″How many timelines have you seen where I've been here?″ They asked. The answer was none.

They gotcha there, Ecstasy rubbed it in. I sighed. Ecstasy would hate me for this, but that was fine by me, as I hated her already.

″To tell you the truth, I wasn't always a member of The Flashbulb. As I told you, Blanc and I worked to take them down. It didn't work out. I stole their time device, but after so many do-overs, only to reach the same conclusion, Blanc's death, I figured if I couldn't beat them, join them.″

Blanc, the clone, yawned. ″You don't have to explain yourself to me, y'know? I may be me, but I'm not your friend. Your friend is dead.″

A chill ran over me despite the lack of breeze in the room. I wanted to cry, but it felt like Ecstasy was holding me back.

Blanc continued. ″That said, I don't think I can forgive you for killing those Beige. They weren't doing anything.″

I snapped. ″That's where you're wrong! They're the enemies of Earth just as The Flashbulb and Amphibian Overlords are. They're all manipulators. If you don't believe anything else I say, believe this: you couldn't trust them any more than you can trust me!″

″Oh really? And what could they possibly be doing just sitting around smoking weed all day, every day?″

″They didn't have to do anything! You know those 'antichrist' stories? The book of revelations? Mark of the beast and all that?″

″I think the past me once saw The Omen once or twice. Makes me associate Damien with evil, even if the person in question is perfectly fine. Honestly it's such a bad movie for that reason alone. Why?″

″When the Beiges moved into Egypt, one of them bore an offspring with a Pharaoh. From documents I've seen, this offspring is still alive somewhere, and prepared to sow chaos wherever they see fit.″

″Pretty creepy stuff, if only it was relevant.″

I imagined Blanc would have been more fazed. Something should have gotten to them. Just as I was contemplating how to break them next, a couple of guards walked by. Heavily armored, carrying assault weapons. I could see Blanc freezing up, finally experiencing the fear I was waiting for. Now everything would fall apart.

The two pointed their weapons at us. Blanc raised both hands forward.

″Now, now, there's, uh, no need to sh-shoot,″ Blanc stammered, but also faking a deep voice, for whatever reason. ″I'm Doctor David Blaine. I'm with the Waste Management Department.″

What? That's so stupid? Doctor 'David Blaine'? What does Blanc think they're doing? I raced through thoughts, somewhat in fear, myself.

I think the deep voice is kind of sexy, Ecstasy remarked. I chose to ignore that.

″Oh, you!″ One of the guards remarked. ″We've heard about you! Wow, what a shithole of Earth!″

″Yeah, it's a load of trash, all right!″ Blanc grimaced and scratched their head. ″Say, could one of you direct me to Dr. Copperfield's office?″

″Sure,″ the other guard replied. ″But you're not going to find him in right now. He's off in the break room.″

″Thanks for the heads up!″

The two guards pointed their weapons at me, now. I couldn't believe it. Shouldn't they know who I am? I could hear Ecstasy hissing.

″Now what about you? Who are you and what are you doing here?″

I wanted to yell and bark on about how they didn't know who I was, but Blanc chimed in instead.

″This is my assistant and comrade, Conrad. He's not a doctor.″

I felt insulted. Even though it was true. I wasn't a doctor.

″Oh, like a secretary?″

Blanc laughed a hearty laugh. ″Pretty much! Fetches me my reports, my coffee, all that jazz! He knows I love me that soylent green!″

The guards laughed as well. ″Alright, we you two keep to your designated zones. You know the drill.″

The two walked off and Blanc hunched over, letting out a sigh of relief. ″Can you believe that worked? Pretty lucky guess that there'd be a Dr. Copperfield, right? Maybe I'll keep having a lucky streak.″

″How did you know that Flashbulb doctors use codenames?″ I demanded to know. There was no way Blanc should have known that. Not unless they were already a Flashbulb member. Our secrets were pretty well guarded.

″What? I didn't know. Like I said, lucky guess. If it didn't turn out true, I'd be dead, right?″

″Which is why it couldn't just be a 'lucky guess'. Tell me right now!″

Blanc tried to whistle, something they weren't very good at. I squinted my eyes. Things just weren't adding up and it was infuriating. ″Let's go to that break room, shall we, comrade?″

″Don't you dare --call me 'comrade'. Only Blanc was allowed to call me that. Not some copy.″ I was about to say, but stopped myself. I felt like the power dynamic was no longer in my favor, even if it was clear Blanc couldn't do whatever it was they were planning.

We continued our path forward, figuring that I was going to be the one to show Blanc to the break room. It was just a few paces forward, past some double doors...

″Hey there, Dr. Copperfield!″ Blanc called out in the same exaggerated, low voice.

Dr. Copperfield was a middle-aged doctor, thinning hair and glasses. Chubby cheeks, and unshaved whiskers. If I had to give a general description, Dr. Copperfield looked like someone I could end up becoming if I wasn't so emaciated.

″Excuse me, who are you?″ Dr. Copperfield asked, without looking up from his eggs and sausage breakfast.

″I'm Dr. Blaine. I just got assigned to the waste management department. I'm thinking of arranging a team to help me out here. I already tried getting rid of the trash via a giant incinerator, but I feel like it's causing serious environmental issues.″

Dr. Copperfield shrugged. ″Leave environmental issues to the Environmental Department. Waste Management is just for getting rid of trash.″

″Oh yeah, good point! Well, what do you say, think of joining my team?″

″I don't know. It's beneath me as a scientist. Waste Management's kind of bottom of the barrel when it comes to departments, you know?″

″Suit yourself. I'm going to recruit Dr. Houdini.″

″Ha!″ Dr. Copperfield gave a resounding laugh. ″He's currently drowning in paperwork, which he probably isn't doing! Don't you know he has a habit of getting out of responsibilities?″

″I'll get him on my side, even if I have to handcuff him!″ Blanc declared. Something I knew Blanc wouldn't even try to do. I had to ask myself if there was a point to anything Blanc was doing, but then again, I was on my toes, knowing something suspicious was going on.

When Blanc and I left the break room, I spoke up.

″What part of that is supposed to give Etna a physical form?″ I reminded them of why they were here.

Blanc shrugged. ″I just took a quick detour. Anyway, which room is Dr. Houdini's?″

″Follow me,″ I groaned.

While we were walking, Blanc mused on about things that I really didn't have the patience for.

″So how does time travel work, exactly? I imagine it's like...hm...″ Blanc got lost in thought for a second.

Please don't mention Doctor Who. Please don't mention Doctor Who.

″Is it like Back to the Future or more like Bill and Ted?″ Blanc asked instead.

″You need not concern yourself with that. Only those with a time cube can go to various times.″

″Is that what it's called? 'Time Cube'? Interesting stuff.″

″Like I said, it doesn't matter, because need I remind you, you're not going to make it out of here alive!″ I fumed.

You should tell Blanc this... Ecstasy suggested as she began to relay a message from Etna.

″By the way,″ I began to retell. ″Etna tricked you. She knows you're going to fail. That's because at this point in time, she's already become the computer system you know. She just wanted you to toy with you as you experience the despair of knowing that whatever you do, you're going to die having fulfilled nothing.″

Blanc stared, wide eyed, at least for a second. Then blew out a deep breath and smiled. ″Hey, I know you're trying to scare me, but this is really reassuring. You could have just waited until I actually got there, but you decided to do it now.″

″What? You're not scared?″ I was flabbergasted.

″Well, maybe a little, but as long as I get something done, I don't mind dying.″

It was like they just ignored everything I had said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

″You're not as dumb as you make yourself out to be.″

″Thanks,″ they replied.

″Just who are you?″ I muttered. ″What are you planning?″

Blanc grinned. ″Me? I'm just a hopeless romantic.″

#happiness overload #tsuyu #back to the future #time cube #bill and ted #scifi #horror #writing #stories #epwrites #david blaine #something something leonard bernstein #with special guest appearances by etna

[marilynngmesalo]

BARF ALERT: Rotting fish, maggots on menu at Disgusting Food Museum

BARF ALERT: Rotting fish, maggots on menu at Disgusting Food Museum BARF ALERT: Rotting fish, maggots on menu at Disgusting Food Museum https://ift.tt/2CUPRjp

MALMO, Sweden — Sheep eyeball juice. Bull testicles. Maggot-infested cheese. American root beer.

These are among the items considered palatable or even regarded as delicacies in some cultures that the Disgusting Food Museum in Malmo, Sweden is serving up.

The temporary museum, which opened Wednesday, clearly braced for revolted visitors to gag at the foods on display, most of which can be smelled or tasted. Tickets came in the form of vomit bags.

Curator Samuel West said the exhibition is meant to entertain, but also to convey a thought-provoking message: what is considered appetizing or repulsive is learned and can change. He hopes visitors will be encouraged to try more sustainable food products that are being developed or marketed, like insects and lab-grown meat.

“Disgust is one of the six fundamental human emotions, and the evolutionary function of disgust is to help us to avoid foods that might be dangerous, that are contaminated, toxic, gone off,” West said. “Disgust is hardwired as an emotion but what we find disgusting is culturally learned.”

In this photo taken on Sept. 22, 2018 a bowl of Natto a traditional Japanese food made from soybeans fermented with Bacillus subtilis var, on display at the Disgusting Food Museum, in Malmo, Sweden. (Anja Barte Telin via AP)

The idea of exploring gross food came to him with awareness that the “single most impactful way we can impact the environment is by eating less meat,” he said.

“It’s an exhibition that asks visitors to challenge their notions of what is disgusting and what is delicious, and the aim is to get people to understand there is no objective measure of disgust,” West said. “For some, the revelation might be that ‘maybe insects aren’t as disgusting as I thought.”‘

The 80 food items in the museum’s exhibit include a bull’s penis, frog smoothies from Peru, a wine made of baby mice that is consumed in China and Korea, and Sweden’s “surstromming,” an infamously putrid fermented herring.

Visitors are also introduced to “balut,” partially developed duck fetuses that are boiled inside the egg and eaten straight from the shell in the Philippines, as well as “casu marzu,” a Sardinian pecorino cheese infested by maggots.

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Also included are items many Western visitors might not consider disgusting at all. Swedish visitors are surprised to find salty licorice, popular in Sweden but perceived as disgusting to many others.

American foods on display include Jell-O salad, made of gelatin and typically fruit; canned pork brains with milk gravy; and root beer, a sweet soft drink which Swedes say tastes like toothpaste.

“I think that by turning the lens onto ourselves, on Swedish or American food culture, we are saying, ‘We treat everyone the same,”‘ West said.

West said he has managed only to sample about half of the more exotic collected consumables. Asked if he ever vomited while preparing the exhibition, he said, “Every day.”

In this photo taken on Sept. 22, 2018 century eggs on display at the Disgusting Food Museum, in Malmo, Sweden. The eggs are preserved in a mix of clay, quicklime, ash, salt and rice hulls for several months. The egg white turns into a black translucent jelly, and the yolk turns into a dark green-grey slime. Dozen of foods likely to provoke extreme disgust in many people – but considered palatable, even precious delicacies, in their home cultures – go on display Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2018 as the Disgusting Food Museum makes its world premiere in Malmo, Sweden. (Anja Barte Telin via AP)

Some of the delicacies are so smelly they are kept in glass jars. At a museum preview last week, people took tentative sniffs of the displays before recoiling with grimaces.

“Real food in the museum setting can be a problem,” said Andreas Ahrens, museum director and curator. “You have to change things pretty regularly. You have to make sure that it doesn’t start to rot.”

Or as West put it: “You can’t leave bull testicles out for too long.”

West, a clinical psychologist and researcher from California, was also the creator of the Museum of Failure, a successful showcase of products that failed with consumers. It also opened in Sweden and will be shown soon in Shanghai.

Hakan Jonsson, a Lund University ethnology professor who helped with research for the exhibition, said notions of what people find delicious and disgusting are already changing.

“A lot of big groups in (the) Western world are all of a sudden thinking ‘Meat has become disgusting, something that I could never put into my mouth,”‘ he said. “And that is something quite new in the history here, where something considered as being normal, and prestigious, being the thing that you were aiming for Sunday, and all of a sudden that had become a matter of disgust for many people.”

The Disgusting Food Museum is scheduled to run until Jan. 27, 2019, at the Slagthuset MMX in Malmo.

Museum organizers said the museum shop offers a selection of “unusual” drinks and snacks and promise a restaurant operating in the building is “not disgusting.”

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[craftsmakemesmile]

My goddaughter turned 11 last week, and had a Harry Potter themed birthday party. Most of the ‘class’ activities were handmade. The class schedule: Potions class - ‘magically’ change the color of your drink (Sprite and food coloring), created slime with glue, paint and starch. Quidditch- custom tabletop pong. Divinations class - guess the flavor of jelly bean of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. Defense Against the Dark Arts class - beat the dementor (piñata). Care of Magical Creatures class - a ‘dragon’ egg hunt around the room (Easter eggs with miniature dragons inside). Hogsmeade visit - butterbeer in your own take-home jar mug, and birthday cake. Each guest got to take home a felt scarf, chocolate frog, box of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, wand, tons of candy, container of slime, and glass jar mug. House and wand were determined by blindly reaching into a witch’s sorting hat and box. It was safe to say that everyone had a good time, and we sent the kids home all sugared up.

#Harry Potter birthday party