#and the pro omelettes fail HARD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iconfusionwastaken · 3 years

Text

🧁 BadBoyHalo reborn as a demon antagonist AU 🧁

This AU is part of the DSMP Reborn as a “villain” AU multiverse, the link shows the masterpost which explains the AUs & has the index for more AUs that I posted.

If an AU has no link attached, it's coming soon.

Holy crap I went hard for the angst on this one.

CWs for:

Non-consensual body modification (cause of the Egg), Parasites (because Egg), Loss of a limb (Not Egg's fault surprisingly), & Derealization in a paragraph

Let me know if I need to add any other CW or anything else.

--------------------

As a child Bad wakes up 1 day to learn that in his 1st life, he played a video game/read 2 novels where his current life, became 1 of the Demon Lords who willingly worshipped/was possessed by the Egg & worked for it. In fact OG him is the Egg's future 2nd in command & poses as the leader of the empire dedicated to it, & he was killed/defeated late in the story.

(Up to you if it's a game or novel, w/ a game maybe there's multiple routes/choices meaning multiple endings while w/ a novel, in canon the Demon Lords were all killed while in a spin-off they were just defeated not killed or maybe it's the other way around w/ the novels, or maybe it's a single novel w/ a mix of some Demon Lords dying while some survive.)

It was pretty ambiguous if some of the Demon Lords were wholy possessed or willingly worshiped the Egg w/o possession, or a mixture of the 2.

(If we want to we can have this world be the same world where Techno is reincarnated as Billiam, because then they could discover they're in the same boat & bond over it but I'm making those worlds/time periods seperate for this post.)

The Demon Lords & the Egg formed the Eggpire. 1 by 1 in the story they are killed/defeated by Puffy, Sam, &/or Technoblade, the protagonists. If the Demon Lords weren't killed they were defeated at a terrible cost for themselves & others.

Bad won't accept being a villain, or being killed or worshipping/being possessed by the Egg.

The good thing is that he remembered this before the Egg has enough power to get him & the other future Demon Lords under it, so he has time to plan. Actually Bad has a few decades to prepare!

On the off chance that the Egg possessed the lords, he wants to find the future Demon Lords & other major charaters so as to prevent that.

In the original story, Puffy & Sam are demons who betray the Eggpire which they help found early after it's formation due to realizing the Egg is bad. They flee, & later form 'Pro-Omelette' in opposition of it, w/ Technoblade joining their cause at some point in the story after OG Bad & the Egg fails to recruit him.

Unfortunatly, while fleeing, Puffy & Sam fail to do some things/do some things which they regret then & in the future that also has major consequences as they feared.

Another close ally is Hannah, a dryad/nymph who aids them w/ her powers. At some point the Eggpire captures her meaning she has to be saved & after that as the story progresses Sam, Puffy & maybe even Technoblade if he's also a demon starts feeling a strange kinship & repulsion towards & against her.

There's also the starborne mercenary Purpled who isn't willing to work w/ the Eggpire due to them taking his big sibling figure.

(Starborne means the starborne origins from the Origins mods for Minecraft).

Everyone has their own motifs, Puffy the sheep demon pirate has pirate & sheep motifs. Sam the creeper demon redstoner has a redstone motif. Techno has a pig motif. Purpled's motifs are stars, galaxy patterns & just anything to do w/ space.

Ponk, the chicken demon w/ a lemon (tree) & chicken motif is Sam's ex who was heartbroken by his sudden disappearance. He joined the very Eggpire Sam betrayed & had his heartbreak used to harden his resolve for the Egg's desires.

He is the 1st Demon Lord to be killed/defeated. If defeated he's turned against the Egg w/ the power of love leading to Sam & Ponk making up, maybe they never go back to dating or Ponk's ability to love was taken away by the Egg after he goes against it.

Maybe early in the fight Sam is holding back his emotions, cuts of Ponk's arm which leads to Ponk's reaction snapping Sam out of it & then Sam has to convince Ponk he geniunely loves him & regrets leaving him the rest of the fight, just angst.

(Sam saving Ponk from the Eggpire w/ the power of love only for Ponk losing the ability to love after betraying the Eggpire, oh yeah the angst).

If Ponk is killed, well Sam is extra vulnerable to the Egg's influence & risks getting brainwashes by it while carries the guilt of killing his lover w/o reconciling.

Maybe Ponk isn't killed but Sam's tunnel vision to defeat him causes Ponk to die of broken heart syndrome (maybe induced by the Egg?) oof & Sam regrets not contacting Ponk after escaping the Eggpire & forming Pro-Omelette & is extra vulnerable to the Egg.

Also there's these these flowers called Carnations that have different meanings depending on color, maybe the 2 have a shared magical carnation flower that Sam ends up taking w/ him while fleeing from the Egg, so the dark red flower (love & affection) becomes almost fully yellow (disapointment & rejection) which makes Sam truly realize the extent of what he's done by leaving Ponk w/o like a note on what's going on.

Maybe to Sam's horror the flower sometimes flashes to being striped (regret love can't be shared) before going back to being yellow w/ a tiny bit of dark red some where.

During the battle, if Sam manages to convince Ponk to defect from the Egg, the flower flashes fully dark red but then the Egg take Ponk's ability to love. This takes away Ponk's connection to the flower making it half dead & the flower permanently is striped.

If we go the route of Ponk's death, the flower doesn't flash dark red at all, it goes from yellow to striped when Ponk dies, disconnecting his magic to the flower making the flower half dead.

Punz is next to go, they are a human mercenary turned into a demon after joining the Eggpire be it because of possession or there being promising gains of wealth from joining the Eggpire. He has a wealth motif.

Since Punz was turned by the Egg, he has Blood Vine's for horns & said vines for a tail.

Punz fights his own brother & talks about how the money is worth more than Purpled, how they don't love Purpled, etc., which Purpled refuses to believe is true.

Punz either dies (meaning a grieving Purpled for the rest of the story vulnerable to the Egg) or ends up in a coma (extra angsty if Purpled thinks he it himself).

Purpled is scared for his big sibling's health, will they be okay when the Egg dies? Well, after the Egg's defeat Punz wakes up some point afterwards but his health is awful, said awful health will last a long time & they can never do mercenary work again, both he & Purpled are distraught by this.

Punz's demon features are especially sickly & act like a parasite for a while before just dying. Punz basically didn't/couldn't have his connection to the Egg & his new demonhood removed, now he's here w/ maybe chronic fatigue because the Egg seriously fucks people over even in death.

Skeppy, a blue-turned-red diamond golem-turned-demon, goes down after Punz's defeat. Skeppy has a gem motif, & in the past made a purely proffesional deal w/ OG Bad, while OG Bad would forfeit his immortality to make Skeppy harder for death to claim, & as a result became a demon, Skeppy would provide OG Bad w/, let's say 1/2 of the gems & riches he owned.

Remember that if Skeppy dies, Bad dies but Bad can't die w/o Skeppy dying 1st.

Skeppy basically helps fund the Eggpire. When the Egg decides to give Skeppy some demon stuff itself, Skeppy not only is made of red diamonds now, but his body is cracked if not before & there are roots & flowers sticking out of said cracks.

Skeppy joins the Eggpire because of possession &/or promises of an even longer life through a connection w/ 2 demons.

After his defeat, the Eggpire is more desperate than ever due to losing a big funder, putting effort into getting Skeppy back. The vines also act parasitic after the Egg's fall before dying but not w/o Skeppy's mind & body being damaged by the vines.

If Skeppy is killed then OG Bad's connection to the Egg is the only thing keeping him alive if barely meaning Bad's easier to kill & the Eggpire more desperate than in the route Skeppy lives.

Antfrost, the demon w/ a cat, ant & ice motifs, the '2nd in command' of the Eggpire to the everyone. Only alone w/ the Egg & OG Bad is he called the 3rd in command since that's what he truly was.

If Ant is killed/defeated, OG Bad has to deal w/ getting a new “2nd” in command, this time keeping her in the shadows so as to keep her from being taken on by Pro-Omelette. Security is tightened as much as it can be.

The Eggpire becomes even more stressed if Ant is defeated & is w/ Pro-Omelette 1 way or another because Ant knows a lot of stuff they'd rather never get out.

If Ant's defeated & a prisoner of the protagonists, maybe they get some info from him but soon he is released by a traitor but as he escapes he winds up stranded somewhere in a place that won't be kind to him unaware of how to get back to the Eggpire. Perhaps for the rest of the story.

At this point Pro-Omelette also tighten security since they have a traitor in their ranks.

Althought Hannah is acting suspicious, she isn't like vanishing at random times or acting that off so they can't exactly suspect her. She's got sick this once & has been pretty unwell but who can blame her? So many of her flowers got destroyed & leeched off of in Ant's escape.

The demons of Pro-Omelette are feeling a strange repulsion against her but also a strange kinship towards her.

If Skeppy is dead, Bad when being confronted by the enemy instantly is sapped of all his power & life left since the Egg realizes it's about to loose him. Or his connection to the Egg is severed by Pro-Omellete before it can happen leading to him naturally dying.

If Skeppy isn't dead however, Bad is captured but not w/o the Egg taking all the power it can from him severely weakening him on a level of power & health.

OG Bad was a very powerful demon & so if Skeppy lives, the Egg gets a major power boost before his capture, but in the route of Skeppy's death, the Egg doesn't get that much since it had to keep Bad from dying.

After Bad is down, Hannah goes missing again & there are 2 groups, 1 to find Hannah & the other to take down the Egg once & for all.

Either 1 or both groups find the Egg & to their horror they find out since Hannah's 1st capture the Egg brainwashed her, has been leaching off of her & replaced the flowers she wears w/ it's vines.

The Egg holds Hannah's life over them. If the Egg took the power of OG Bad in the route Skeppy lives it's much for difficult to try & defeat the Egg & save Hannah.

Also the Egg turned Hannah into a demon that has the power to grow vines & flowers. She's powerful but even more if Skeppy lives.

Egged!Hannah does a number on Pro-Omelette. She goes as far as to maim, kill controlling the vines & worm parasitic plants in people. The Egg has these powers too.

There are 4 directions at this point.

Pro-Omelette succesfully kills the Egg while getting Hannah out of it's grasp in the process, of course there's the parasitic plants & other damage done to the protagonists' side as well as Hannah who's health is super fucked liked many in the final battle (it's kinda like what happens to Punz if he lives). Like Hannah who was turned into some egg-demon who's egg-demon parts act like parasites & others w/ the parasitic plants in them have to deal w/ the plants till said parasites die & even then there's the stuff to deal /w the parasites deaths.

Hannah is killed by the Egg sapping everything from her & fighting w/ all it's new might but still killed. The damage done to everyone else is significantly worse. I'm not even accounting for the background characters brainwashed, genuinly worshipping the Egg dealing w/ the fall of the Egg, the aftermath, etc.

The Egg & Egged!Hannah win, some Pro-Omelette members in battle are killed while the rest are captured to be egged.

Hannah dies to the Egg sapping everything from her & the Egg wins w/ it's rejuvenated power. Many Pro-Omelette members in battle are killed while the rest are captured to be egged. Basically 3 & 4 are the bad endings, while 1 & 2 are the 'good endings.'

As I said before, there's so much I'm not considering. I can't bring myself to further work on the canon of the game/novel(s) Bad played before being isekaied.

But yeah the game/novels were full of angst & Bad was super into it so he wants to give everyone (especially his favorite character(s)) a happy ending.

People around Bad notice he's changed his behavior but lets say it's not enough to warrant any investigation.

Bad starts studying defensive magic since he doesn't want to die, he also learns all he can about summoning, deals w/ summoners, etc.. While he's at it he's tracking down all the major characters & is going to make sure they know what he's learned to prevent any possession.

When Bad finds the major characters, he becomes close friends to them but he's still nervous at the idea that the people he's befriending like Sam, Puffy & co. will kill/maim him.

Or we could have it so that Bad becomes cofortable w/ his friends & confessed about having a past life & all the knowledge of future events he has. You're choice.

When Skeppy summons him & he makes the deal w/ Skeppy he makes sure to hang around his #1 favorite character because, in his 1st life Bad loved Skeppy's character & now he has the chance to geniunely know & become friends w/ Skeppy. Skeppy even warms up to Bad & geniunely begins seeing him a a friend!

Uh, I didn't exactly develop the world much, oops, let's say that Bad is born into a high enough position to change the living conditions of those of lower class of those around him.

Bad out of fear of the Egg makes sure as many people as possible have the common sense to not do anything stupid, has the knowledge & defense to not get possessed, & more, regardless of whatever barriers are in his way.

Since the Egg makes promises, he makes sure to nip that bud as much as he can, such as making sure that even in death, loved ones can communicate via like necromancy/something else, everybody has their needs met, prejudices are squashed as much as possible, etc.

Bad, while earning the ire of many who liked things the way they were, also earns the support of those who benifited from his actions. He also actually listens to what people are saying because he can't let the Egg have any chances.

The main cast of the game/novel(s) Bad read also help out, even more if Bad confessess about his past life.

(The next paragraph has some derealization, said section of derealization being in bold.)

If we want angst, we could have Bad (& co. if they know?) overworking themselves sometimes because the Egg can't have any chances, maybe sometimes he (& others) can't go to bed because he/she/they are terrified of the Egg, terrified of it, worried about the Egg already being here, worried about the Egg already somehow possibly controlling & possessing them & already being possessed, sometimes wondering if their own mind & eyes can be trusted—

On the bright side we can hopefully have some comfort & fluff after that angst & hurt.

Also there's this 1 guy also helping Bad out as much as the main cast called Karl, he disappears at random times but by the looks of it, he isn't connected to the Egg in any way & is really helpful so there's not much to worry about.

#Long Post #Dream SMP AU #DSMP AU #Reborn as a villain au #BadBoyHalo #Punz #Skeppy #Ponk #Eggpire #The Egg #Hannahxxrose #Awesamdude #Captain Puffy #Purpled #Cw Limb loss #cw parasites #cw non consensual body modification #cw derealization

16 notes · View notes

whumptasticwednesday · 5 years

Text

Insult to Injury ft. Dadneto (Peter Maximoff - X-Men)

Author’s Note: Hey, ya’ll. I’ve been burning the midnight oil to get this fic out on time, AKA 2 consecutive nights of staying up till’ 3 am. I’ve had the idea for a Peter-centric Dadneto whump fic for a decent amount of time, and after receiving a lovely anonymous prompt, I decided to incorporate both my idea and theirs. Here we’ve got Peter after the events of Apocalypse, debilitated, and accidentally giving himself a nasty case of salmonella, before Erik comes to help. I’m pretty proud of this one, so I hope you enjoy it! This fic is unedited, sorry, so please let me know if there’s any glaring issues. For my next fic, I’m shifting away from X-Men for a hot sec so I can write a nice Detroit: Become Human whump fic with our favorite android son, Connor. I’ve been super excited about my plot concept, so I’m ecstatic to start writing it. Anyways, I hope you like this one, I worked very hard on it, and I hope you’re all excited for the DBH fic coming soon!

-Ash

Word Count: 6299

Warning: Emeto and decently graphic descriptions of physical illness

Setting: Post-Apocalypse/Pre-Dark Phoenix

If there's anything Peter Maximoff knew in this moment, it was that not being able to do the one thing your body was genetically enhanced to do, sucked. A lot.

It had been only a few days since the X-Mansion had been rebuilt and things all fell back into this synonymous routine as if the entire building hadn't exploded a short while ago. In Peter's opinion, it was all kind of creepy how easy it seemed for these kids to all just go back to learning when their home and school just got eviscerated in a hellfire, but he didn't think much of it.

All he could think about in this moment, was how immensely bored he was. Peter always had something going on with him; he was either thinking about his impending dad-related issues, plotting a prank, or deciding to go off and steal an entire Walmart's worth of Twinkies in the blink of an eye, there was always something.

Yet now, the rest of the X-Men were off with Charles helping cover up heat from the international press by cleaning up all the damage and destruction in Cairo and showing what Charles had dubbed: "diplomacy", which was too huge of a word for Peter to ever use in an everyday sentence; too many letters, and Peter was left back at the mansion since he really couldn't use his powers effectively at the moment, so it would be pretty useless for him to be tagging along.

Peter normally wouldn't have given a damn, maybe even excited at the prospect of being able to rig his friends' rooms with elaborate traps with Jello and staplers or something of the sorts while they weren't around, yet now, when faced with inescapable boredom that followed him wherever his broken leg did (everywhere), he was dying to have anything to do. As the team was suiting up to get on the jet to go back to Cairo, Peter had pathetically hobbled down to the X-Men bunker on his crutches, begging to be taken with. But they'd simply gassed up the plane and flew off, leaving Peter alone, and oh so very bored.

Which brings us to Peter now, attempting to create an omelette with 6 different cheeses, 8 different and poorly-diced peppers, a heaping assortment of minced tomatoes, and a sprinkling of those off-brand fruit snacks that are always better than the on-brand ones for some reason. It wouldn't be a Peter breakfast without some form of sweet, and in his eyes, it stuck to the healthy-ish theme. It had fruit in the name for a reason, didn't it?

The kid always had a massive appetite, and everyone that knew Peter knew this as well. You'd be hard pressed to find him without some snack or form of sustenance in his hand, scarfing it down like there was no tomorrow. It was all a byproduct of his enhanced metabolism. All that energy to run had to come from somewhere, didn't it? Little did he know, this super stomach of his would come to kick him in the ass in a few short hours. But for now, the silver-haired man child of a mutant was limping around the mansion's kitchen making a very... exotic breakfast for dinner meal.

Peter plopped the strange looking (decently gooey) excuse for an omelette into a large plate with some Twinkies and orange juice on the side. As he devoured his dinner, Peter thought anxiously about Erik. It had taken him 10 years to connect the dots, work up the courage, and even think of confronting the man to tell him of his true parentage, yet wimped out at the last minute, leaving the ambiguous: "I'm here for my family too." Peter groaned audibly to himself as his mind once again replayed the events he'd already replayed a million times before. It was embarrassing as all hell. Luckily, nobody that did know told Erik anything, which Peter was very grateful for.

Imagine learning about a woman you left 2 and a half decades ago actually birthing a son you had no idea existed and just now learned of... but not from him, despite several encounters beforehand where he had ample opportunities to do so. It'd make Peter feel like even more of a loser than a 27 year old who still lived in his mother's basement. But, to be fair, Peter was no longer a grown man living with his mom, he was a grown man living in a school where he was many years past the oldest enrolled student, while not teaching a single class; it was a step up from the basement, trust me.

Once finished with his omelette, Peter quickly washed his dishes and made his trek up the small flight of stairs to reach his room on the second floor. Over the past few days, Peter had learned just how high a set of stairs could be, especially when you end up falling down them on several attempts to slide down the handrail (and failing miserably while being laughed at by dozens of impressionable pre-teen children.) What a loser.

After reaching his room, particularly winded from this dinner excursion, Peter was grateful to see that he hadn't unplugged his television from the wall after his embarrassing fall in an attempt to get to the bathroom by himself, without his crutches, or the lights on. A simple recipe for disaster in nearly all circumstances, yet for some reason, the universe held pity for Peter and his debilitated state, and decided to not make his day any worse than it already was.

Peter ultimately decided to entertain himself with a good night-long play session of Pac-Man on his Atari 2600, also still miraculously undamaged from last night's fall. He booted up the inferior version of the game (seriously though, he'd have to get Kurt to help him teleport his arcade cabinet from his basement to the school, playing this one was getting a bit tiring on the eyes.) It sufficed, he thought as the TV harshly flashed on.

Now normally, Peter would have been up all night with his video games and rock music blaring in the background, yet tonight, something (besides his immobile leg) felt really off. Each distinct 'WOMP' from the console as the yellow circle man consumed the dashes and dots felt like a sledgehammer into Peter's eardrums, leaving a resonating ache at the base of his skull. He didn't think much of it and brushed it off, simply turning down his music a notch and backing away from the TV a few inches.

The next confusing sign that something wasn't quite right was the disconcerting shivers wracking his body. A chilly breeze seemed to sweep the room as if the AC was on full blast with the windows open on a November midnight, yet it was July and all the windows were closed and when he went to check if his AC unit was acting up, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. That's whack, Peter thought to himself as he plopped onto his bed, Atari abandoned on the rugged floor.

He didn't know how long he spent staring at the unmoving chandelier hanging lamely from the ceiling, but it felt as if seconds later, the room was not only freezing, but spinning, and suffocating. Everything felt way too close. Peter could feel every fiber of his shirt rubbing against his jacket, the itchy inside of his cast pressing up against the entirety of his right leg, and the presence of his goggles resting on his neck, now seeming like a noose closing in on his throat. He hastily tore off the eyewear and tossed them on his nightstand before deciding to shed his jacket and weakly throwing it across the room. Another move he regretted.

Without the jacket to keep his arms warm, the newfound seemingly frosty atmosphere felt like a icy flurry against his skin. In spite of his mind's confused wishes, Peter ripped the heavy blanket off the end of the bed and closed it around himself like a caterpillar ready to emerge as a butterfly the next time it saw the daylight. Peter sure as hell didn't feel like a caterpillar, but if the feeling of metamorphosis was a growing sense of intense nausea and cramping in the stomach, then hell yeah, he was crushing this butterfly business.

Fuck, what's wrong with me?! He thought to himself as he rolled onto his side. Peter rubbed at his eyes, hoping to clear the dizziness, yet only further irritating them. God damnit, he sighed internally as his face scrunched up in discomfort, releasing one of his hand's hold on the blanket to cradle his aching stomach.

"Is this karma for all that shit I stole when I was younger? That's just mean, man," Peter rasped to nobody in particular. He thought about it more though and responded to his own question, "Then again, I think that's pretty fair. Haha...Shit, man. Never thought I'd say this, but I think... I think I need help."

The sledgehammer-like headache was pounding with every bass drum beat lightly emanating from the sound system Peter hadn't turned off, another move he regretted. He couldn't decide if the pros outweighed the cons: hobbling through the dark to possibly remedy a source of his suffering, but relinquishing his hold on the only thing keeping him from feeling like freezing. Peter played it safe, much to his cranium's dismay.

Peter stared off towards the wall at nothing in particular as he tried oh so hard to draw his mind's focus from how terrible he felt to literally anything else. It wasn't working out so well. And so, Peter laid there, blanket tossed over himself, single leg drawn up to his chest, shivering like a leaf in a rainstorm, as nauseous as a toddler who just rode their first roller coaster, feeling like he was about to cry, and alone. What a miserable way to spend the night.

------

If there's anything Erik Lehnsherr knew in this moment, it was that he was beyond irritated that Charles wasn't at the mansion to run his own school. Despite leaving the school once he'd helped rebuild it to try and seek solitude to wrap his mind around his place in the world and everything that'd happened to him, Erik was back at the mansion once again. He was ready to lay down the foundations for his new mutant hideaway, Genosha, and needed Charles's connections to the government to help smooth over his charges and get clearance to have his isolated society where he might truly find happiness and solace. The universe had spoken, and he obviously wasn't cut out to be a nuclear family kind of guy.

Unbeknownst to him, Erik had once again meandered into a setting with his unrealized son. Also unbeknownst to him, that son was currently cooped up alone in his room, feeling like death.

Erik uncomfortably paced around the mansion, checking Charles's office, the X-Men bunker, and all the other places he might have been, yet the telepath was nowhere to be found. Erik sighed, he knew coming this late was a bargain, one, it turns out, he'd come to lose. The school itself was eerily quiet. It was if the entire mansion was empty or something. Peaceful, yet unsettling for a man who knew nothing but chaos.

Erik was about to borrow a book someone had abandoned in the foyer when he heard the muffled melodies of American rock music echoing from the upstairs floor. It must be that problematic Peter child, Erik thought to himself. From what he told himself was a civil duty to the rest of the sleeping kids in the school (but was actually his own way to cope with his curiosity) Erik decided to check up on the snarky young man to ask if he'd turn down the tunes.

As he approached the door, Erik was bracing himself for something extremely untamed. Perhaps a messy, greasy slophole of a living area, or maybe a drunk and uncontrollably obnoxious man dancing to his music in the nude. You never really knew with Peter, and Erik had come to expect the strangest out of the boy from the few genuine interactions they've had.

Erik gently tapped his knuckles against the door, waiting patiently for a 'come in', or something along the lines of those words, yet it never came. Raising a questioning yet not too surprised eyebrow, Erik knocked again, using slightly harder bangs, not wishing to make a ruckus and wake anyone else in the hallway up. Again, nothing. Although it could have simply boiled down to Peter not hearing him from his loud and abhorrent music, Erik was growing slightly irritated with the lack of a response. So with his last reserves of patience, he knocked one final time, once again listening for a signal or cue to enter. He was met with nothing yet again.

Wondering for the worst and fully expecting to meet a blackout drunk Peter when he opened the door, Erik tentatively jiggled the doorknob, which just so happened to be unlocked, and stepped inside. Thankfully, he was not met with a naked dancing or woefully drunk mutant speedster, but most would probably argue that what he was met with was quite worse. And that being a rancid stench of sick and sour nastiness lingering in the air, a poorly plopped pile of blankets draped over the culprit of the odor, and the culprit himself lying pale and flushed on the floor beside his bed, covered in his own vomit.

Erik's nose crinkled up from being met by the strongly nauseating smell of the room, reaching for the light switch on the wall to aid the sad little table lamp and glow of the TV in illuminating the room. Now he truly saw the pity-worthy situation for what it was. Peter laid in a heap on the ground next to his bed; he'd clearly trying to make it to the en suite bathroom just a few feet away. However, with his dizzy mind and immobile leg, he didn't make it very far and ended up expelling his dinner in a much less... dignified location (if you could consider a toilet bowl a very dignified location), that undignified location being all over his lap and onto his faded Pink Floyd t-shirt.

Not knowing how to really handle the situation, Erik called out a soft, "Peter?" hoping to elicit a response. Yet, just like at the door, he was met with nothing. As he approached the boy, thoughts of anxiety and panic circled through his mind. What would he say to him when he woke up? Would he be uncomfortable with Erik of all people coming to help? Would he be confused? Would he not care? He felt undeniably and inexplicably awkward. Erik shook the thoughts from his conscious as he knelt down to try and meet Peter's face.

"Peter?" he asked again. Erik tentatively reached over to tap the boy's face, which was contorted in a pinched expression of discomfort, marred further by the vomit drying in a trail down his chin.

Once Erik's hand made contact with Peter's cheek, he wanted to retract it. From the split second interaction, Erik had felt the clammy, sweaty, and scorching hot skin and was growing concerned. The slight physical prodding finally made Peter respond.

"Mom?" he asked groggily, voice cracking, "I'll put my dishes in the sink in a minute... I'm tired..."

Erik let out a harsh sigh, bending his neck in an attempt to make eye contact with the boy.

"Peter, I'm not you-" Erik was cut off.

"Yeah yeah... I'm not your maid. I know, Ma. Just... give me five."

"Peter." Erik stated bluntly yet with a hint of unease, unsure if Peter was delirious or just messing with him, "look at me, please."

Peter cracked open his eyes and blearily met Erik's stoic and collected face. He blinked a few times, slowly and deliberately, calculating who was kneeling in front of him, before letting out a weak and wheezy chuckle, "hey there, refrigerator ornament. Wassup?"

Erik rolled his eyes, responding with, "I came to ask you to turn down your atrocious music so you won't wake any of the other children who are trying to sleep. When I came in here, you were passed out on the floor. Would you like to explain to me what happened?"

"Nah... it isn't all too interesting"

"Peter, can you please act like an adult for 2 minutes? Please?"

"Oh man, the Nazi-hunting, president-killing, horseman of the Apocalypse is bustin' out the PLEASES. Look out, world, Lord of the Vacation Souvenirs has a new tactic... MANNERS!"

Peter burst out laughing at his own adolescent joke, ending in a wheezy struggle to catch his own breath. Erik couldn't tell if he was just screwing with him or genuinely needed help. This behavior seemed pretty normal for the immature mutant.

"Look, Peter, I really just need to know if you're okay. Can you answer that simple question, please?"

"Man, your tactics are workin' like a charm. I guess I'll tel-" Peter was cut off by a repulsing gag, hunching over and expelling his stomach's contents... again, this time, however, onto Erik's shirt, quickly travelling in a sad trail down onto his freshly-ironed pants. Peter's bloodshot eyes went side with embarrassment as he quickly transitioned his gaze to the floor.

Erik's face was caught frozen still as his mind caught up with what had just happened. As repulsed as he was, it wasn't like he hadn't seen worse. But that still didn't make the fact that he was just puked on any less disgusting. After audibly exhaling through his nose, Erik once again focused on the miserable man child in front of him, who was now anxiously tapping his fingernails on the hard plaster of his cast, deliberately trying to avoid eye contact.

God damnit, Peter, He thought to himself as he continued tapping, it's bad enough leaving him with a painfully ambiguous response during a battle to save all of humanity, ultimately ruining a perfectly good chance to fess up, but now look what you've done. You fucking threw up on him. Peter felt himself growing smaller as his subconscious shamed him for his uncontrollable bout of illness. It was stupid and ultimately all in his head, but it didn't make him feel any less shit about his situation.

After taking the few quiet seconds, Erik stood up, and whether it was out of pity or some subconscious moral quest, grabbed Peter by the armpits and dragged him to the bathroom.

"W-what the?" Peter asked, confused by the harsh white light of the bathroom and the sudden shift in scenery.

"Well I'm not going to let you sit in your own disgusting clothes. I have standards, you know. Can you undress yourself? I'll get us both some clean clothes."

Peter grunted in response. It meant: yeah, I think I can take off my own clothes, bro... once the room stops spinning. Erik, however, had already up and left, stripping off his own soiled shirt and rifling through Peter's dresser drawers, and taking the opportunity to flick off the television and silence the music that had been awkwardly filling the room's background space up until now.

Peter didn't have much variety in his clothing, dark jeans and band logo t-shirts were most of his dresser's arsenal. Not wishing to be clad in a Metallica shirt for the rest of the night, he dug a bit further into the seemingly endless assortment of shirts till he found a plain white short sleeve, sighing in relief. He grabbed a random shirt from the top of the assortment which just so happened to have the Journey logo on it, and set off to find new pants for the boy.

Back in the bathroom, Peter was still laying slumped against the bathtub, shivering. Everything around him had seemingly slowed to a halt, not unlike when he was running past the speed of sound, but this time deceleration just felt... wrong.

The crashing rhythm of the rock music had come to a halt, yet it didn't cease the incessant throbbing ache in his head, as if the bass riffs and the harsh taps of the snare were on a permanent loop with earbuds permanently glued to his ears. He was trying his best to prevent himself from groaning or whining as to not sound like even more of a child in front of Erik, but honestly, he didn't want his nonexistent father right now, he wanted his mom.

Peter was snapped from his self loathing by Erik's footfalls growing progressively louder as he approached him. Erik had thrown on a pair of track pants and a random white shirt. He was holding a pair of sweatpants and another shirt for Peter so he could be free of his sweat-slick and vomit-covered clothes.

"Hey, you don't get to keep those. I like those pants," Peter stated sarcastically, still trying to put up a front, although he was unsure why. He'd needed help, it was painfully obvious, so why was he still pushing his father away? Resentment? Anger? Pride? No... fear.

"Arms up," Erik instructed, preparing to take Peter's shirt off for him.

"Yo, you know I'm not a toddler, right? I can take off my own god damn shirt."

"You sure don't act like you're a day older than one, and I don't wanna risk you accidentally suffocating getting stuck in your own clothing so... arms up."

Peter sighed and did as he was told. Erik swiftly peeled the top off the boy and felt around his back, finding it clammy and warm. As if he'd just went from the tropics to Antarctica, the shirt leaving his skin exposed his skin to a whole new level of cold. The sensation ripped through his spine as his teeth started chattering. Hoping Erik had a brain underneath that skull, Peter was (im)patiently waiting for the man to save him from the frosty winds of his newly installed Arctic bathroom and slip the new shirt over him already. However, much to Peter's dismay, Erik turned on the tub's faucet, soaking a hand towel in cold water before leaning over and placing it on Peter's exposed back.

The second the frigid cloth made contact with his skin, Peter recoiled, back arching backwards, arms frantically bending to try and remove it. Erik sighed, slightly out of pity, and continued holding it down.

"Is this some cruel punishment? What did I do?" Peter pleaded, hoping to distract himself from crying by use of humor.

"You're scorching and sticky and it's just disgusting. I'm cooling you down, so relax," Erik explained. "It'll be a few more seconds, I just needed to get all the sweat off of you."

And as quickly as it had begun, the endeavor was over and Erik was threading Peter's strikingly pale and flimsy arms through the shirt holes. Peter audibly sighed, feeling like he'd just spent an hour in an industrial freezer and was now back into a normal temperature.

Erik's eyes drifted to Peter's legs, immediately noticing a flaw in his plan. How was he going to change Peter's pants with that full leg cast?

"Peter, how do you typically change your pants considering your current... situation?" Erik asked.

"It's pretty simple. I don't," Peter replied bluntly.

"W-what?"

"Well, after I got my leg set a few days ago, I changed into jeans, not wanting to be in flight suit pants for the next week of my life, and I haven't swapped since. It's like, physically impossible."

"So... you've been wearing the same (disgustingly dirty) pants all week?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Hank says I should be grateful that it'll heal in a couple days, most people you'd find passed out on their floor covered in vomit with a full leg cast would have been wearing their nasty pants for weeks."

Erik sighed, tossing Peter's soiled shirt and the sweatpants back into the bedroom before meeting his gaze.

"Alright, Peter, I'm going to set you up in bed now."

"Sounds grea-" Peter was once again, clamping his hand over his mouth, pathetically dragging himself over to the toilet to prevent throwing up all over himself again.

Erik saw his distress and lifted the toilet lid and seat, prompting Peter to start heaving into the sad and dreary porcelain bowl. Each dry or productive heave sent another pulsing wave of pain and violent nausea from his stomach to seemingly every conceivable inch of his body in a viscous cycle of suffering. Erik could do nothing but watch as the silver-haired boy wretched in agony, each heave causing his breath to hitch, caught in his throat, as another bout of sick rushed up past his lips, crashing into the toilet bowl.

Erik wanted to reach over and rub Peter's back or offer a semblance of physical comfort for the anguish he must have been feeling. He'd often do this for his daughter, Nina, whenever she had a stomach bug. Erik reached out his hand, only to quickly retract it, shaking haunting thoughts from his mind. This boy was not his child, and in no way would he ever come close to being Nina. What was he thinking?

Guilt quickly overtook the memories as Peter finished his session of sickness. He sagged limply against the side of the toilet, face still partially hidden by the rim of the bowl. When he looked up at Erik, he looked awful. Beyond awful.

Red-rimmed eyes, clearly there as Peter attempted to stop the obvious tears from spilling over, met cool yet collected ones, the former's being full of pain, not just from this embarrassment or the physical turmoil he'd just endured, but something else. Erik knew those eyes. He knew them because for so long, they were the ones he'd stared at in the mirror, day after day, for years, until he'd found Charles, only to come face to face again with those demonized eyes in the form of an immature mutant puking his guts out on his bathroom floor. They were the eyes of a young man who was lost, feeling alone, hiding a part of themselves they wanted to let go, to set free, so they could truly be happy, yet he couldn't possibly decipher what could be internally destroying the boy.

"I-I'm sorry you had to watch that..." Peter said softly as his head lolled over.

"It's fine," Erik replied with a tone to match that of Peter's.

"I'm pretty sure... that I'm done. For now?" It came out as more of a question, but at this point, Peter wasn't trusting any signal his body was sending him. Every impulse had been smudged and cloudy in his mind, and paired with the seemingly endless headache and the relentless chills racking his body from the fever, Peter was sure that if his mind were a computer hard drive, it would have self destructed out of a deadly virus slowly hacking into the hardware.

But alas, Peter was no computer, and so he was stuck with this mystery illness, cooped up in his room, unable to run, with Erik mother-hecking Lehnsherr. His fever-addled mind was barely functioning at this point, so he didn't register anything but dizzying blurred images swirling around his head and slightly-grumbled voice swimming in his ears as Erik scooped the kid up like a newlywed bride and carried him off to bed.

Peter had never been more grateful to grace the comfort of his duvet, ready to sleep. He halfheartedly grabbed at it in an attempt to cover himself and finally warm up. Erik sighed with pity, grabbing it for him and draping it over his shoulders before moving over to stand by the nightstand and awkwardly watching Peter try and get comfortable.

Despite the obvious fact that his body wanted him to sleep, Peter's mind was racing everywhere except the realm of unconsciousness. Every thought was emphasized ten-fold as it bounced around his head until the only things remaining were his want, heck, his need, to tell Erik the truth, and the hesitant and unsure anxiety lingering in the background of his subconscious that was stopping him from doing just that.

Fevers, though, as Peter was quickly learning, tended to do weird shit to what your brain was really trying to accomplish, often scrambling any message you tried to expel to the point where it may or may not have even been your true intentions. And hell, it was an even bigger gamble if you'd remember any of the dumb shit you'd done or said. It was as if the heat had boiled all the potentially embarrassing memories away, which was at least kinda nice.

With everything happening, Peter thought it best for Erik to just pack up and scoot from the premises, as not to accidentally say or do something stupid that might come back to bite him in the ass later, but Peter wasn't about to pull an asshole move on the man who'd just helped him despite not being obligated to at all.

So, instead of verbally asking, Peter did the next most "mature" thing he could have in his debilitated and helpless situation. He pretended to be asleep in a pathetic hope that Erik would leave on his own. He didn't. Peter ended up looking like he was trying way too hard to be asleep than any real asleep person, and after a few minutes, Erik caught on.

"Peter, I know you're not actually sleeping," Erik said, not putting on any sort of specific emotion.

Peter cracked one red and tired eye open, meeting Erik's gaze yet again. Peter sighed and turned over onto his side, back to the other man, bleary eyes trying to focus on anything that wasn't Erik. Sleep, a seemingly effortless task for most, eluded Peter as he let out an a low whine. This was miserable.

"Hey, Erik?"

"Yes?"

"I umm... never mind..."

"What were you going to say?"

"It's nothing... I just feel stupid since I can't even do the easiest thing on the planet."

"Is there anything I can do?"

The question struck Peter like a cold dagger to the heart, it sounded so much like something his mom would say, who was practically the only person he wanted in that moment. Peter didn't like to be weak or expose any of his fears. He preferred to be distant and reserved, to hide all that insecurity with stupid dry humor and sarcasm. His mom and his sisters were really the only ones who he'd truly been open with, and when faced with these new circumstances, finally able to reconnect with the father he never had, he was frozen in place, and after pushing people away and closing himself off for so long, not knowing what to do to reach out and truly face what he needed to.

Completely internally and externally overwhelmed, Peter let his dam of pride burst, letting his emotional flood pour out of his eyes in the form of earnest, choked sobs. He bit his lip and weakly rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to hide his distress.

Erik was taken aback, taking a step towards him, before backpedaling as fast as the initial paternal instinct had seized him. He didn't know what to do. Erik was conflicted, scared of overstepping boundaries, but wholeheartedly wanting to comfort the clearly suffering boy lying in bed in front of him.

And in a flash of instinct, an unspoken, deep-rooted, yet unknown draw towards the silver-haired boy, Erik sat down on the mattress, back meeting Peter's, and leaning over his shoulder to rub his back

Erik's hand was shaky, unsure if it should truly be there. He felt the heat radiating off Peter's skin through his t-shirt. Erik glanced down further to Peter's face, and despite the hands trying (and failing) to cover his eyes, saw it covered in a new sheen of sweat quickly mixing with his tears, pale and pasty with angry crimson patches sitting pretty as pictures on his cheeks and forehead. Everything in that moment accentuated both how awfully awkward Erik and truly terrible Peter felt.

Erik didn't even know if Peter was lucid anymore. He was breaking down into tears, shivering and being comforted by someone who was practically a stranger. Eventually, the sobs dwindled into whimpers and Erik's nerves were starting to taper off himself. The room fell into a weirdly calm silence as the two decided to not say anything. Until Peter's shaky voice cut through the room.

"Y-you know... when I was a dumb little kid, I thought I-I could outrun germs. Look at me now. I can't even cook a f-freakin' omelette without making myself sick... I never needed to cook for myself, it was always my mom, or Hostess cakes."

"..." Erik wanted to say something, anything, but he was unsure what, or if Peter would understand.

"I can't do anything right... life tosses me chances and I just fuck em' all up."

Erik soon realized Peter was no longer talking about his omelette, but something deeper.

"I just wish... you could've d-done this for me when I was still that dumb little kid. I wish for so much to be different. I'd always wanted a d-dad, and when I finally figured out who he was, I learn he'd gone off to kill the president! I-I don't know..."

"W-what?"

"I m-might not be able to outrun germs, but my entire l-life, I've outrun everything. The law, my responsibilities, adulthood... But now, the one time when I finally can't run from anything, out of all of my problems, I gotta face you of all things. N-not the way I thought this would happen..." Peter's words died out as he fell silent.

Erik wasn't sure he'd heard Peter properly. Until something in his mind clicked. Everything he's done up until now: "my mom once knew a guy who could do that..." and "I'm here for my family too..." Oh my god, he thought, I'm... I-I'm Peter's... father? Who else had he been with before his wife... Magda. Oh god.

Erik pulled his hand away from Peter's back. This caused Peter to moan and flip onto his back, staring directly at Erik, eyes cutting straight to his heart like knives.

"W-why'd you stop? It was nice..." Peter admitted shyly.

"I-I need a second, Peter. I'm sorry," Erik sighed as he pushed himself off the mattress.

Peter said nothing as his eyes drifted back to his bedspread. Disappointment lurking behind his bloodshot irises.

Erik walked off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click. He stared up at himself in the mirror, hands gripped tightly around the basin. This couldn't be happening. Not after Nina, not again. Erik was just... terrified. Terrified of the idea of getting close again. Anyone who's ever been a part of Erik's family... had died. His parents, his wife, his daughter; he didn't want Peter to join the list of people the universe was just deemed to kill. He knew that Peter was far from dying, it was a simple fact that the kid couldn't cook and he'd fed himself something underdone. Yet, it was all happening, it was all too fast, and everything felt so damn scary.

He knew, deep down, that this was the truth. It only made sense that the Magda didn't wanna tell her son that his dad was an internationally targeted terrorist that's murdered dozens of people, and this kid had no reasons to lie about it. God... Erik didn't know how to feel, what he should do, but he did know that had a need to comfort Peter, who'd just confessed a secret he'd been hiding for who knows how long, and was now laying alone, probably feeling abandoned again, after pouring his heart out knowing full well it might be shot down.

Whether it was all intentional was yet to be seen. Again, fevers did weird shit.

Erik let out a low sigh and opened the door, finding Peter curled up on himself as best he could, softly whining, mumbling incoherently to himself. Erik stepped over and sat down on the bed again, the entire mattress dipping from his weight.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I am very happy you told me..." Erik was searching for the right words, "the truth."

" 'r welc'm" Peter mumbled as his puffy eyelids slid over his tired brown eyes.

"Is there anything you need me to do for you right now?"

"J'st... stay please. I-It's embarassin', I know, but I just... my mom used to do it..."

"Alright, Peter. I'm not gonna leave, so just try to sleep, okay?"

Peter didn't need to be told twice as his mind and body worked in harmony, finally allowing Peter to be lulled off to the realm of unconsciousness. And although he knew it wasn't necessary, Erik wished to add to the intimacy of this quiet moment, a type of moment so rare and inconstant in both of their lives, so he pushed himself up against the headboard, laying out flat on the bed, and carded his fingers into Peter's silky silver locks. And out of habit, maybe a sort of tendency he'd developed from doing it with Nina, or an obligation to share what he felt Peter deserved, he began to hum his family lullaby, ever so slowly and softly, drowning out any other thing the world wanted to toss at them. Because in that moment... Erik and Peter had found something they'd both been missing for so long, peacefulness and contentment. And for that short night, it was all they needed.

139 notes · View notes

the-desolated-quill · 6 years

Text

The Zygon Invasion - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I’m aware some of you are starting to get a little bit annoyed at me constantly bashing Doctor Who, but I assure you I don’t go into each episode expecting to hate it. I’m trying, I’m really trying, to go into each new story with an open mind and focus on the positives... but when you insist on bringing back Peter fucking Harness, frankly you deserve all the bile and venom you’re going to get from me.

Yes. After the god-awful Kill The Moon (a thinly veiled and downright offensive pro-life allegory that should have been thrown back into the nearest plague pit from whence it came and left to rot), Moffat has seen fit to bring Harness back for a two parter. Oh goodie. So what cack-handed, allegorical lump of radioactive horseshit is Harness serving us this series.

Sigh.

So it’s about Muslim immigration and integration, is it? Well after the way Harness practically butchered the discussion on abortion last series, I’m sure he’s going to handle this subject matter with care and sensitivity.

Oh boy. Where do I start? Well first there’s the fact that the Muslim stand-ins, the Zygons, are depicted as slimy, repulsive, scaly monsters and are generally regarded within the Whoniverse as being unambiguously evil. So already we’re off to a great start. Then of course there’s the glaring lack of subtlety. This isn’t the first time Doctor Who has told allegorical stories, but I can’t think of a single one that was as painfully on the nose as this. Obviously there’s the Zygons’ delightful flag, as well as references to splinter cells and training camps, hostage videos that are filmed and staged like those of a certain terrorist organisation you may be familiar with, Rebecca Front’s paranoid soldier character being utterly convinced that the Zygon threat could come from anywhere and that they’re not safe, and of course this wonderful line from our very own Kate Stewart:

"Some radicalisation, some revolution in the younger brood."

Oh dear God.

I pretty much spent most of this episode with my head in my hands, peering at the TV screen through my fingers. And no it’s not because the Zygons are in anyway frightening. I suppose after Kill The Moon, I shouldn’t be too shocked that something as tasteless as this managed to slip under the radar. What I’m more baffled by is the positive reception this episode had gotten. Just like with Kill The Moon, the so called ‘professional’ critics were bending over backwards to praise the fuck out of this. For example, the critics’consensus on Rotten Tomatoes reads:

“Doctor Who delivers a thrilling episode that pays special attention to character development and the consequences of time travel".

Clearly they must have been watching an extended cut because I failed to detect either in this. Time travel scarcely comes up and as for character development, the best example I can think of is Osgood, but I don’t think taking a one dimensional comic relief and grafting on a purpose for her two years after her introduction really counts as character development, do you?

By far my favourite is Scott Collura from IGN, who praised the refugee subtext and how the episode ‘poses some thought provoking questions.’

youtube

Thought provoking questions, huh? Okay. Let’s talk about the thought provoking questions The Zygon Invasion raises. Did you know that it’s really easy to shoot or bomb total strangers who don’t look like you or share your values, but it suddenly becomes really difficult when they look like your family and loved ones?

Well I’ll be, YES! Yes you’re absolutely right! Thank you Peter Harness! I never considered that before! This has opened my eyes and thrown my entire worldview into question! For once I was blind, but now I see!

Clearly these critics and I have different standards here. To them, the fact that a Doctor Who episode is striving to be something deeper and more intelligent than the usual alien invasion, base under siege stuff warrants praise alone. And yeah, I want to see Doctor Who experiment and try new things out too. But I also want to see them done well. I don’t mean to be rude, but the only way The Zygon Invasion could possibly be considered thought-provoking is if you’ve never actually had a single thought in your entire life before this episode.

I suppose I could stomach The Zygon Invasion more if Harness had actually attempted to introduce some nuance into it. For example, the Doctor insists that the invading Zygons are a splinter faction and that the majority of Zygons want to live peacefully. How come we never actually see any of these nice Zygons? It’s hard to feel sympathy for the aliens when they’re all presented as heartless killers. Why not have a few Zygon soldiers working for UNIT or something? Actually get to know them as actual people. Their fears and desires. How they live their life on Earth, how they feel about humanity and how they feel about this splinter group potentially threatening their asylum. That I would find more compelling.

The humans too are incredibly one note. Everyone is really quick to just denounce the Zygons as terrorists and try to kill them all, including Kate Stewart, who don’t forget when she was first introduced in The Power Of Three was meant to represent a turning point for UNIT. Science over military, and so on. Now here she is, brandishing a gun, and threatening to bomb random Zygons without considering other options first.

They’re also incredibly dumb. Take the mind-bogglingly stupid scene outside the church. The soldiers know Zygons can shapeshift, and yet Captain Pillock immediately puts all common sense aside when he sees his mum emerge. Clearly this is meant to be an emotional scene, but it isn’t because it relies on everyone involved being thicker than a whale omelette. Despite ‘Mum’ dodging the questions her son asks him and her phoniness being so blatantly obvious, the solders trundle along merrily to their doom while Rebecca Front is left to screech ineffectually at them from behind a house. It’s just pathetic.

I could go on, but I won’t. The Zygon Invasion is an utter shambles from start to finish, and I don’t want to waste anymore time with it. Maybe things will improve in Part 2, but I doubt it. This is Peter Harness we’re talking about here after all.

#the zygon invasion #peter harness #doctor who #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #clara oswald #jenna coleman #zygons #steven moffat #bbc #review #spoilers

13 notes · View notes

doesitreallywork · 5 years

Link

Before you rush off and buy The Paleohacks Cookbook, you should be fully informed about what it is and whether it can help you – read this review to find out!

Get The Lowest Price Now

Visit Official Website »

The Paleohacks Cookbook Review – Does It Really Work?

Hey there! My presumption is that your analysis of this evaluation is as an outcome of you wishing to know even more as for The PaleoHacks Cookbook is worried?

May I be right in thinking so?

Well, there is an allocation that a few of you are arbitrary viewers of testimonials. Altogether you are all invited to have a look at what I have actually had the ability to assemble on the discussed program.

It is my need that prior to I start on this evaluation, I offer you with a short intro on Paleo Diet plan.

In the culture in which we live at the here and now day, condition such as hypertension, weight problems, anxiety, anxiousness and also autoimmune conditions are fairly typical. This problems nonetheless, were hardly ever come across some years back.

Currently, you are most likely to experience a variety of individuals that are struggling with such illness.

Investigates without number exist that have actually confirmed that a link exists in between the foods that we are presently consuming and also illness such as those discussed.

To conserve individuals from the threats of these illness, bulk of the physicians in addition to physical fitness instructors advise Paleo Diet regimen for you.

The Paleo Diet regimen is one that is generally based upon foods that are probably consumed by individuals throughout the Paleolithic age. A period that dates about 10,000 years back prior to the farming age.

Do you have the need of getting going with the Paleo Diet regimen? A variety of health and fitness stars take Paleo Diet regimen to be the healthiest diet regimen amongst all. This is because of the reality that its basing is totally on foods that are natural. It does not approve any kind of foods that are refined.

What Is The Paleohacks Cookbook

This is a cookbook that you can be able to download and install. One that is comprised of over 150 Paleo dishes, as well as a production of the PaleoHacks group along with assistance from thousands of eaters of Paleo in their neighborhood. Equally as you as well as I.

An assurance by the PaleoHacks group is that they are mosting likely to offer you with over 150 dishes. Dishes like none you have actually ever before prepared prior to as well as several of which you may quite possibly never ever have actually listened to.

The Paleo dishes that are included in The PaleoHacks Cookbook are a development of Paleo eaters with experience. Produced to supply amazing outcomes and also terrific for not just your palate, yet likewise your health and wellness.

The food preparation of the dishes is rather simple as well as exactly how yummy and also helpful for your health and wellness that they are.

Best of all, very little experience neither abilities in food preparation are required for the dishes.

You additionally can be able to prepare one in an issue of just 20 mins. Despite whether you are simply a newbie or an expert with experience, this will certainly be just as simple.

The Paleo dishes below provide your body health as well as are an optional means of food preparation tasty dishes.

One more plus when it concerned The PaleoHacks Cookbook, is that the PaleoHacks group is mosting likely to additionally offer you with a dish preparation for one complete month.

An entire month of these tasty 150 dishes that are mosting likely to discontinue the dullness that is related to consuming of the exact same dish over as well as over once more.

The fantastic point is that dishes of this program do not have any type of milk foods, grains, refined foods, chemicals, beans or sweetening agents. In their location, you will certainly make use of meat (that consists of fish as well as hen), fruits, healthy and balanced oil, fresh veggies as well as nuts.

A department of the 150 Paleo dishes is done have them split right into a selection of groups. There are groups such as treat, concept dish, salads, soups, omelettes as well as treats.

Furthermore, you likewise obtain techniques and also ideas from the PaleoHacks group. These ideas and also methods will certainly be especially valuable to you in thinking of practically any type of dish available that is vivid and also scrumptious.

The Designer; PaleoHacks Group

It is very important that you keep in mind The PaleoHacks Cookbook is not a development of a specific individual. It was a team initiative put together by PaleoHacks group with each other with PaleoHacks neighborhood, an area made up of individuals in their hundreds that follow this diet plan.

They have actually decided of the very best dishes. Dishes that are very easy to make as well as likewise delicious. They certainly will make the following of the Paleo Diet regimen an enjoyable point completely.

Bonus Product With The Paleohacks Cookbook

Since you have actually reached listen to the majority of what comprises the major publication, it has to do with time you come across the bonuses that come with it …

Paleo Foods As Well As Paleo Fail

If you are amongst individuals that have a problem of Paleo Diet regimen consisting of marginal quantity of selections, after that reconsider. The setup of this bonus overview is to alter your ideas given that the food selections that you will certainly have, start using up upon your beginning to review this overview.

PaleoHacks group supplies you a purchasing checklist that will certainly do a great deal in conserving your time as well as cash.

Paleo 4X Cookbook

Is your timetable as well hectic that you do not have the wealth of time to make Paleo dish? Would certainly you want to prepare a dish on your own truly quickly? This overview is just best for you. 65 dishes are had in this cookbook whose need is just 4 active ingredients. Appears astonishing? Of course, this is something you will certainly have to think as soon as you acquire this item.

Paleohacks 30-Days Jumpstart

If you are simply starting with the Paleo Diet plan, after that no overview comes well than this. It is an overview that provides you essential info in starting with Paleo diet regimen.

This is an additional method of claiming that the overview will certainly be valuable to you in discovering the proper foods. Having a hard time to recognize outcomes is a point you will certainly never ever need to perform in your Paleo trip.

Consuming Paleo At Dining Establishment

Bulk of dining establishments have Paleo dishes existing in the food selection. The issue is that they stop working to identify them in food selection card.

Following your analysis of this bonus overview, it will certainly be very easy for you to identify Paleo dishes in the food selection of any type of dining establishment. You will certainly prevent buying of dishes that consist of concealed gluten in them.

One Month Paleo Dish Strategy

If you locate dish preparation to be a difficulty for you, you do not need to fret. PaleoHacks offers you with a done-for-you month long dish strategy. You are not called for to intend dish.

Final Verdict

The best option in obtaining fit, slimming down and also enhancing your power and also vigor is the Paleo diet plan you get in The PaleoHacks Cookbook. Addressing the expense of just $15, you must absolutely provide it a shot.

Pros

– The dishes are scrumptious. There is a wide range of dishes for you to pick from with each one of them being scrumptious. They highlight words of admiration from those you offer whenever you offer them.

– Assistance is just for health foods. A variety of physicians’ suggestion to individuals that are having hatred gluten is Paleo diet regimen. The referral by several expert health and fitness instructors to their customers is Paleo Diet regimen because it just consists of natural foods. You will certainly make use of health foods to prepare of PaleoHacks Cookbook dishes.

– Feeling fuller for a prolonged time. The components utilized in Paleo dishes like meat keep for a longer duration inside your belly. You are going to really feel complete for longer durations of time. This is handy in avoiding you from consuming undesirable treats.

– The directions are clear as well as simple to be adhered to by anybody. The PaleoHacks Cookbook has extremely conveniently ready dishes consisted of inside that anybody in all can be able to make use of without a difficulty. Each action is described thoroughly as well as no possibility of you slipping up in the prep work is enabled.

– Inexpensive. The cookbook, with each other will certainly all discussed bonuses, is being supplied at the expense of just $15.

– Refund warranty. The little quantity that you purchase this program at is safeguarded by a 60 day refund warranty. On the occasion that you understand it is ineffective, it is a fraud, or it is various from what evaluates case, you can be reimbursed of your $15 within the defined period.

Cons

– Absence of images. The dishes do not include any kind of images whatsoever making it tough for one to obtain a concept of exactly how they look.

– The item in just readily available as an e-book in PDF layout. If your choice is hardcopy, you will certainly need to go the additional mile to have it published all on your own.

Summary

If you would certainly enjoy to make the Paleo diet plan efficient for you, however you are having concerns because you do not have the creative thinking or time to follow it, after that this e-book rather potentially is the service that you require.

Get The Lowest Price Now

Visit Official Website »

The post The Paleohacks Cookbook Review – Does It Really Work? appeared first on Does It Really Work?.

#DoesItReallyWork, #review #reviews

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes

somehow-on · 5 years

Text

Notes - 2018

Jews are hipsters, only liking the old books. Christians are bandwagon fans, only into God now that he's popular.

In principle I’m pro-choice, but in practice I’ve never performed an abortion, so I guess I'm a hypocrite.

I like my meat Eddie Murphy-style. (Raw)

I don't have a team. I'm just a spectator calling the balls and strikes as I see them.

A dimwit and a nittit.

Give me.

I don't like sex cause it requires two people. It's basically liking helping someone move, or driving a friend to the airport.

It feels good to know where you are going, even if you do not know and you do not go there. Doubt. Are not sure.

Oh, honey, I have this much fun with everyone.

Kill is a strong word, I prefer to say I “out-competed” them.

Anonymous Grey Figure.

Bright Lights, Dimwits.

“An exchange can be beneficial to more than one party!!!”, I scream as I wring your neck as part of our pareto optimal BDSM.

You think that everyone has their own rich individual life, but if you talk to them for 40 minutes you realize they all have the same one.

xxxxxWomen are only dating their boyfriends to make me jealous.

Is having a breakdown, a jazzy breakdown. Funky.

I'm a chocoholiphile, I can only cum inside a chocolate stout.

More like Washington, I.T. Those clowns. ICP.

If you look at this chart plotting the murder rate over time.. Wait, are you saying TIME is causing these murders?

When you get hit in the groin, it's a Dongy Konk.

Is a pall-caster.

Banter with my fates. With the gods.

The none and only.

Is the opposite of a drama-queen, I'm a comedy-commoner.

In recupery.

There's no higher virtue than suitablity. I want nothing more from the world than to suit me.

It takes a lot of disgusting secrets to appear this sexy.

Who would Jesus want me to kill? Probably him.

Anything that can be destroyed by freedom of choice should be. Isn't worth protecting.

Is sexier than Jesus.

xxxxxHard-won tautologies.

xxxxxGrey-supremecist.

xxxxxMy future-late-wife.

The Bane of my Gotham city.

The best case scenario for a marriage is you die together orgasming, surrounded by your children and loved ones.

Everyday was always going to be a struggle, whether your’s is harder or easier than most is neither comforting nor troubling.

The church of hard knocks.

Indigenous People, or ingens for short.

There's no shortage of ways to be boorish.

xxxxxI'm not just a dime-piece, I'm a conversation-piece.

I eat toilet paper for dessert so I don't have to wipe when I poop.

Pay it backward.

If all you try to hard to be grateful for your bowl of shit, you’ll never go to the fucking store for a bowl of ice cream.

Just play with someone else. Just hang out with someone else.

xxxxxScream while you bleed out.

xxxxxGod bless you and fuck off.

Jesus doesn't exist, it was just your parents dying for your sins while you slept the whole time.

My list for not dying.

xxxxxI don't even have subject permanence.

Is soothing/staving.

Honed anticipations/regrets.

Itty bitty libidity.

Good fences make good wives.

xxxxxI’m a criss-cross dresser, it's my same clothes but I wear them backwards.

Meaning reduces the world, writing away its chaos and uncontrollability. I don't need to understand everything, just my empty surroundings and call that understanding.

Knowing that words are empty can kill their fun, but it can also give us the freedom to redefine them in more fun ways.

Cynicist

People don't really want meaning, they want prizes.

It's like taking babies from a candy store.

Gum, candy, sharp objects.

The solipist and the empath.

Sex is like writing a good mystery novel, it's easier if you start with the ending first, and work back from there.

I’d like to settle down and start a family, I just haven't met the right baby yet.

People want to feel valuable.

All of human intellect is an elaborate device for convincing others to give you shit / do things for you.

Image is important because without it you’re invisible.

If you put yourself within spitting distance of enough people you’ll eventually be spit upon.

Structure unstructured problems. List, rank, iterate.

Backwards-looking punitive justice versus forwards-looking best available decision making.

Movable bedroom/living room apartments that plug into bathroom/kitchen units. Lower the switching costs of changing apartments.

Just the none.

Dribble-down sex-onomics.

Pussy nerd.

Banana bread: flour, baking soda, butter, sugar, eggs, bananas, cinnamon

I don't have sex, I make whoopee.

Limited Liability Cool J

xxxxxEver tried, ever failed. No matter, try again, fail again, fail ever.

Moral suspicions.

Ambivuous

Control your breath, control the world.

Medium Hap. Average Hap.

Nietzsche in the streets, Derrida in the sheets.

James Vandercreek.

The real magic was the gatherings we made along the way.

xxxxxOaken Promises.

The day you slid out of your mother's DM’s.

My hard-won defeatism.

It takes a lot of effort to look this tired.

xxxxxHeavy-pegging.

xxxxxI don't tell dad jokes, I tell DILF jokes.

Tis better to go bear-mauled than palled-bare.

I only listen to dubstep remixes of lenord Cohen songs.

Selfless hedonist.

Yadda, yadda, blah. Blah, blah, yadda.

I don't believe anything because why bother.

Your house is burning down and you only have time to put one thing in it, what do you pick?

I don't like hurting people, but neither do I like being kind to them.

Fuck you, mommy and daddy!

Frampton is God.

Is self-compelled

I do all my own stuntin.

It's an expensive country.

Give us this day our daily spray.

Let me get those knuckles, girl.

Richie Richiculous.

xxxxxThe DM is the message.

What we need to talk about when we need to talk about Kevin.

Done with porn, getting into peeping.

xxxxxNate, short for Natherine.

Grana. Clothes.

Collecting dirt.

Gun’s rights.

I'll put my nose to the rails.

Everything is masturbating.

Calculus: love it or liebnitz.

You can stop, but you can never slow down.

A spoonful of cinnamon helps the medicine go down.

xxxxxDon't even talk to me till I’ve had my siesta.

Obvious state.com

Are you good in bed? Eh, I mostly hold my own.

Kaiser request records: 510.752.6026

Make America grey again.

Take a long jump off a tall pier.

Brutulful. Beutulful. Brutulful.

A hunk of hard beef.

Snowflake hot-takes.

Let go my prego.

I talk to god, but the motherfucker never listens.

You can't make an omelette without breaking a few hearts.

Love and spite. Lust and spite.

A casket is just a smaller box.

I don't want to be happy I want to be wealthy.

Chops are made to be busted.

Cynical depression. Cynical-strength.

The value of nothing.

Nihilistical.

The war on shrugs.

Ethan Hawke-type seeks Julie Delpy-type for Before Sunrise-style whirlwind romance, drunken park-sex, ghosting for 9 years.

Let them eat shit.

Beodine soundclash

xxxxxExploring the reward-space.

xxxxxReward ho.

Hermetically Sealed.

I can drive inside the lines.

Cloud 11. It's two clouder, innit?

The problem with people is they think words are real.

Spacebar Cowboy.

A don't believe in words.

Flat Stan Lee #trivia

Adult onset birthmark.

Shorty Boom Boom.

xxxxxEven a rooster tells time once a day.

I like my woman like I like my cocoa, a Swiss Miss.

Some diggity. Diggity, diggity.

There is a high correlation between correlation and causation. #trivia

Do not suscitate.

xxxxxFavourite US president? Probably Jefferson...Davis.

Other people's qualia.

Denzel Dryington. Denzel Washinfold.

I am what I aim.

0 notes

hellotvv · 7 years

Text

Sad Sometimes

Sometimes when I think about how things ended, I get kinda sad... I understand everything happened and obviously things ended due to mistakes on both parties. But I guess endings are sometimes kinda really tragic. I guess, when I think back. I truly loved her, and really tried to show her that I loved her. I suppose a problem could be is that maybe I was really invested in some ways? I guess sometimes I was scared to lose her, since despite some really hard times, I really loved her and always believed that hey it’s not that hard to be happy together. I guess in the process of idk really trying, doing sacrifices, trying to be a good bf (in my eyes ofc, very subjective), and really loving her/caring about her. Sometimes it leads to fights actually o.o since I guess when you’re really committed/care about something, you naturally get more emotional. So I’d be worried about her potentially falling for another guy or maybe repeating past mistakes or when it seems like she doesn’t love me/care about me and etc, that I get upset. I guess I realize that interestingly from playing Smash. When I beat some of these players (really good at sm4sh nowadays lol), people sometimes get really upset from losing to me. One guy slammed the table O_O and really scared me. Other people get really frustrated and etc. I guess they really spend the time playing sm4sh and when you put so many hours in something and care about it, losing probably feels terrible. I can only imagine what it would feel like waiting all years for the olympics and do terrible at it. Oh man, would someone be a sad boy. I guess this applies to relationships too o_o. I think I brought this up to Stefanie once before, that sometimes our fights are legit because we just really care about each other/don’t want to lose each other/etc. Idk I guess from playing in a sm4sh tournie today, it gave me a random epiphany after seeing how upset my friend was and how he was actually nearly in tears for whatever reason for losing a really close match to someone he really wanted to beat. I mean, I wouldn’t cry over a video game, but ofc that’s just me. I’m not as invested in the game as some ppl are, so I can’t understand but I try to tho. I can recognize that hey, he probably tries really hard, puts in the hours, and really just wanna win or whatever. So when he fails, it feels awful especially after being really invested, so naturally he/other ppl will either be really sad/give up or angry or however they might deal with their emotions. From recognizing that, I guess it’s possible to take it as a lesson for relationships. Sometimes fights are dumb af, and sometimes it’s just because ppl care. Like maybe a fight is caused by a jealous SO, and it’s only because they care. Or someone is upset at something and wishes the other person stop doing it, so the relationship would improve. But sometimes that causes a fight in the process, but I mean at the end of the day the fight started since a person really cares about the relationship. I think Kai and her bf had that fight over uhh his seemingly no plans for Valentine’s Day, since it seemed like he didn’t really care about her/their first Valentine’s Day life milestone, while she really cared about him and the celebration. Ofc, sometimes fights might just be idk pure fights due to conflict/etc. But it’ll probably be important to sit down and think, hey we’re kinda having a fight right now, but it’s only because we really care about each other and wants the relationship to be successful/wants to be happy together. So in terms of application to me, I guess looking back sometimes I do admit fights were started by me, since I just really loved her and was just worried about losing her/that she doesn’t love me back/feeling insecure, since I just really cared. Also I need to learn that in the future, I should try better to recognize that fights are ok and prob just makes the relationship stronger/better and it’s not a bad thing, and that sometimes fights are dumb and start out of love/caring a lot about the other person/relationship.

So I guess back to why I’m a bit sad sometimes when I think about things ending. I guess, it’s sad, since I just really wanted to be happy with her. I just wanted to do the things on our todo list, I just wanted to celebrate more life milestones with her, I just wanted her to look only at me, be able to do cute coupley things with her, and idk just go the distance like how I imagined we would sometimes. I do agree, when thinking about the future, it sometimes does seem hard due to issues. But I guess sometimes when you focus too hard on the future or think about it too much, things become ughhh. Like when I think about certain problems too much, I just make it out to be much worst than it really is O_O overthinking yo... Sometimes I realize I just gotta take things one day at a time, face my problems slowly, and things will generally work out. If not, at least I’m less stress/worried, which generally leads to better chances of solving problems! Interestingly enough, sometimes I think the relationship would have improved a bit more given time together. I ended up being far too free uh last quarter, this quarter kinda ehh busy, and etc. I have a really great solid group of friends (multiple diff friend groups) and parties that I go to that I could have introduced her to/invited her to. I’m going to have my own studio apartment/single apartment next year, so no more housemates :( Uhh, pretty down to live in Asia one day, due to multitude of reasons. Got pretty into chinese culture and read a ridiculous amount of chinese novels and learned a bunch of chinese idioms (http://www.wuxiaworld.com/chinese-idiom-glossary/) I read modern novels too and been considering watching some dramas. Uhm, idk have even more cool hobbies to share/teach about. I definitely stepped up on fitness game, legit like 138 lbs now from like 155 O_O. I was like 140ish freshmen year? I’d like to think that I became slightly more mature as time goes by too! I got better at photography and could have been a weird boy like the93044 and make an ig of just cool pics of gf lol. Uhh, I became slightly less picky of an eater. Grew to really like chicken, uhm slowly liking fish more, steaks, learned about even more cool food places, and etc. Idk making good progress! I also watch a good amount of cooking videos and been slowly working on that (really slowly tho lol). I baked a cake the other day, make pasta sometimes, cook rice pretty often, eat better, make eggs/omelettes, cooked a steak actually wowow, helped kristy cook salmon, quesadillas, and idk been slowly improving :OO. I’d like to get into cooking/baking more, and watch quite a bit. But idk generally too lazy/low motivation to cook if it’s just for myself lol. If I had another person to cook for, I’d be a lot more motivated. Uhm, I’m not super arts and craftsy, but I subscribed to this channel and was super down to make this box one day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRWtS06OI0A maybeee I’ll get a chance to make this box one day, and it’ll be prob a sick gift for a SO!! :^) Idk, I try to constantly improve myself, so the next step in my handmade creative gifts would probably be that box! Jessica told me it’s not too hard to make, even tho it does seem overwhelming when watching it, and most materials can just be obtained from Michaels or Amazon~ Uhh, what else have improved about myself... Uhm, friends, hobbies, food/cooking/baking, arts and crafts/gifts, fitness, uhh I dress pretty much relatively the same with some wardrobe expansion (nott that much in the past 6 months), maybe maturity, some more free time, and idk? Idk what else comes to mind. Maybe slowly figuring out relationships more, myself, other people, and etc..? I guess that’s maturity tho. Uhm, my room got way cooler lol... ;-; I have posters and 6 foot bean bag chair, sick gaming chair, comfy bed, 2nd monitor, two laptops, ipad pro, and idk :( kinda cool room.. I still have a unique diction, and apparently very trendy/catchy. Since when ppl hang out with me, they start copying how I talk lol. Since I say, hii frend or fam or lit or cancer or lavish or sad boys or study boys or broads or you deserve it or idk what else I say at the top of my head. But lol legit 80% of my friends copy what I say nowadays :3 Kinda cool. Hmhm, idk what else improved about me, but I think I could have been an even better SO for her given some more time.

I feel like I should recap my weekend, but it’s like super ehhh .-. like eventful, but not very lit. Maybe later on when it’s more lol~ Need to buy beyond ticket still tho with friends :O and decide on a cool airbnb to stay at together. Still miss her and wish she was in my life sometimes too :( and I guess that’s all for this weekend blog post with 0 recap, since .-. days

0 notes