#and the reason I'm still able to root for them is because that sympathy

[andguesswhat]

I normally don’t do this but here is the thing: Yes, of course it's his decision and yes, of course he's not forced to sign contracts, yadayadayada, but I still feel sorry for him, because to me it looks like he thinks he has to do that and unfortunately doesn't see any other option. And I think the main reason is that he lives in this bubble and is friends with a gay Hollywood star, whose advice he listens to, like you know how you shouldn't play superheroes and stuff.

Yes, I’m talking about fucking Leo!  He may be a nice guy, but come on, he has the creepiest image you can have, he doesn't seem to care, and he doesn’t stop doing that shit. He could risk it, he’s famous enough, and still, he somehow doesn’t.

So what if everyone in your bubble tells you to do it and that it's okay, that it's no big deal, that you let them talk, etc? Kind of works for Leo, doesn’t it? (well….)

You can be intelligent as fuck and not see it. Or maybe even see it and still act differently because all the people around you are driving you to.

And not every action can be rationally justified. Especially not with such an emotional peach.

Because there is definitely an emotional decision behind it, whatever it is.

It's the hope of being as famous and successful and becoming an acting legend.

It’s the fear of not playing along with the studios and screwing things up.

And maybe it's even shame because you're not who the studio bosses would like you to be.

The shame of having dated a married family man who has had to endure kink shaming, whose kink you most likely share, who has fallen from grace.

It can be so many things and everything, in the end it's all human emotions that make you do something like that. 

You can be damn intelligent and still do wrong things.

You may know the damage you are doing, even to yourself, and still think you have no choice.

You do things that you know are not good for your health.

He is intelligent, but that doesn't mean he is in all situations in his life. It doesn't mean he knows what's good for him personally. He can’t even know what's good for his career. There are too many uncertainties and necessary coincidences at play for that. Only time will tell. It’s a game you can either win or lose.

The crux is that he started way too early with this shit, so soon, if he's not careful, he'll be known as a celebrity that can act. Because unfortunately I see that the same way as others: Paul Mescal and co. will be taken as good actors. He will be the actor who dated Kylie.

And it will dull him. Maybe he'll get his act together, but if he continues he'll keep losing his pureness. Because who knows: is he as tough as Leo or is he just hoping to be?

So there of course is always another choice but if you don't see it, what can you do? If you see it but nobody encourages you to take it, what can you do?

And even if ... As much as I would love to see him as a lower profile actor in small movies and on stage ... when I think about when I saw him happiest in the last year, the pictures from the shoot in New York come to my mind. Yes, from my point of view, a wrong choice, a stupid commercial shoot, driving him away to become an acclaimed actor, but look at him, he was so happy and proud to work with Scorsese.

And when I think back to the other happy moments that happened a year ago. He was so happy and proud to promote Bones & All, a movie he co-produced, and at the same time he was able to express himself with his stunning outfits and show the world who he really is, without having to define his sexuality.

Why would he want to give that up? Can’t you imagine how hard this is to give up? When nobody can tell you what happens when you leave the path?

So, in the end, he has all my sympathy even when I don’t think his decisions are good or wise, I’m still rooting for him that he achieves everything he wants to achieve and i'm hoping that at the end of the day he rests beside someone he loves deeply and very stubbornly.

#hope this makes sense somehow

[direwombat]

tagged by @inafieldofdaisies and @socially-awkward-skeleton to do these two uquizes

tagging @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @madparadoxum, @voidika, @testyfestyenthusiast, @strangefable, @alexxmason, @deputyash, @josephslittledeputy, @wrathfulrook, @fourlittleseedlings, @poetikat, @cassietrn, @neverthesameneveranother, @confidentandgood, @jacobsneed, @g0dspeeed, @strafethesesinners, @trench-rot, @purplehairsecretlair, @vampireninjabunnies-blog, @jillvalentinesday, @sstewyhosseini, and anyone else i'm missing/anyone who wants to take these quizzes for their ocs!

what is your oc's true roll in the story?

THE FALLEN PRODIGY. hello old friend, it's been a while hasn't it? I remember when you were just a child, gape-smiled and beaming like the sun. where have you laid your youth to rest my love? is it buried beside your heart perhaps? I know how deeply life has wounded you, it took away everything, didn't it? oh poor soul, you held onto happiness with bloody, shaking hands but still fate ripped even that away from you. your past lovers are dead or did some betray you? turning away in fear of what they once admired. your comrades have been slain, or their priorities shifted. I've heard you too have changed your way of thought. the people fear you know, do they normally cower at the sound of your name? ah don't fret, that makes two of us. the masses tend to despise the things they do not have the will to comprehend. the villian finds sympathy for you don't they, well I could have seen that from a mile away. you two are the oldest friends, you made a deal with them correct? to save your late love, they tried to hold their end of the bargain, really, but I fear you are cursed to forever be despondent. oh what a sad and miserable life without love. is that why you chase loneliness? for is it truly a life of sorrow if you yourself has chosen it? but don't become bitter from the pain. trust when I say I have seen wounds unfold a man, turning the gentlest spirits into seething beasts. please, keep seeking love, even if it seems you are forbidden from it. you are the master of your own fate, I see how tired you are. the scars never healed, they twist and wrap around your entire person. your eyes are dark and lifeless, rest. but keep fighting, not with the sword you have forsaken so long ago, but with your heart. I'll be rooting for you my friend.

i'll tell you when you get your soft, italicized, "Oh."

THE KISS. you typically wait until the last second to believe the truth--because it would destroy you to believe it, and then find out it was a lie. you are someone who has never wanted to want, but has rarely been able to do anything else. the idea that you might have to break down your walls for the sake of someone else, someone who could easily decide they don't like what is on the other side, is harrowing. why let people get close enough to be rejected? you are enough for yourself. and you will tell yourself that every time you catch yourself staring at their mouth, smirking at their joke, finding a reason to flick their shoulder. until the kiss. that's when the flood of want, want, want bowls over you and you realize that you are torn between two ways of living. Oh, you think. because despite how complicated you have made it, the moment you kiss, somehow, things seem incredibly simple. they won't be once you start thinking again, but for now, for this moment, you live in the quiet peace of revelation. Oh.

paola under the cut :)

what is your oc's true roll in the story?

THE ONE AT THE CROSSROADS. questioning yourself again? well it's a hard choice is it not. you always decide you've made your mind but you seem to nevertheless return to this state of uncertainty. are you good or evil? dark or light alas? alas, I am not fit for such details in morality. In my slightly skewed sight of it, neither truly exist. they are but a mindset, but mindset or not, they still give you quite the anxieties hm? you are one who has lived in fear, your heart is hidden, and you don't know who to trust. you doubt you can even trust yourself. the caustic words of poisonous people have corroded into your skull. "you are evil. you are a monster. you are bad." well that is indeed a bunch of poppycock, mind my language, for the only one who may decide that is you. my dear, you are torn between never allowing others to hurt the ways you hurt, and from running away from all who might harm you again, with gnashing teeth. you are a cornered animal who has been kicked by the ones it trusted. you do not know whether to trust again, for your mind is screaming, don't. but if I may, you can be both. it is not the question of whether you are good or evil, it is the question, what do I deserve and how might I reach that? you do not deserve pain, correct? so never chase that, instead kindly decline and flee from those like your past assailants, but trust the ones who you know are good. sometimes you will find people to be a messy combination of both pain and love, but so are you and I. my advice is to simply be kind, but be willing to question. always question, always wonder. do not give away your heart on a silver platter my dear, it is worth far more than the sun himself, but don't fail to allow healing. you deserve good things in life. so as you stand between two roads, walk between the third you just now have noticed. life seems to be made of entirely preposterous choices, but if you look close enough, you'll reveal the right ones that are normally hidden from sight. breathe my dear, things will be well. trust yourself, and carve your own path.

i'll tell you when you get your soft, italicized, "Oh."

THE FIRST MEETING. life is normal. it's scripted. it's functional. then one day, you meet them, and... Oh. you fix your posture, you're a little nervous, and it's totally possible you're just projecting -- but this could be something. and the only thing that makes this different from the hundreds of other times you had that exact same thought only to be disappointed is... this is the time that counts. things change. you were looking for someone whose very existence re-contextualized yours. which is not to say that you were incomplete, but... aren't we all? isn't that the essence of being a being who changes? and what completes us if not the love of something or someone beyond us? sure it's still new, and anything could happen from here, but there's something in your shared brain chemistry that makes it feel like good things are in motion. how exciting!

#once again the uquizes are reading syb for filth #OOF #but also big lmao at paola getting the crossroads result when syb's fic is literally called 'kneeling at the crossroads' #but considering that result is thematically about the whole journey and choosing one's path. it works better for paola #(crossroads for syb are burdens. choices. consequences) (crossroads for paola are choices yes. but opportunity and chances for exploration) #but OOF OOF OOF at both their 'oh' responses #because...yeah. that's pretty much how both their 'oh' moments happen :') #oc: deputy sybille la roux #oc: paola orsini

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi wqa!

In the beginning of my story, my protagonist and his brother (a main character as well) have a really bad relationship. Their family situation is the reason they were driven apart, and though they're both suffering, they see each other as the cause of their own suffering. The reader can definitely tell this, but I'm still afraid this will make them unlikable. They're not exactly horrible to each other, but they both pursue the selfish road that will hurt the other, since they see it their right in order to release themselves of the situation.

I'm especially afraid the reader will sympathise with the brother and not the protagonist. The protagonist is actually in a worse situation, but their behaviours are the same. "I'm suffering badly because of him, so it's only right that he's suffering if it means I'm finally going to be free."

Do you have any tips on handling this? I want to give justice to the story, but I don't want them to be hard to root for.

Worried About Making Protagonist Unlikable

It's good that you're delving into both sides of the story, the protagonist's as well as the brother's. By showing how they both feel harmed by the other, you have a bit of built-in balance. If you're able to, you might see if you can use a third character--a mutual friend or family member who knows both siblings well and doesn't choose sides--who can put a neutral, balancing spin on things. For example, if the protagonist says, "I'm suffering badly because of him," the mutual friend can say, "I know, but he feels the same way about you. Neither one of you is more or less at fault than the other."

My post Guide: Creating a Sympathetic Main Character has some general advice for creating sympathy in a character. Following these tips with both characters will further help.

Even though neither of these characters is "morally gray" per se, each being held up as someone who harmed the other in some way has kind of the same effect, so my post Guide: Attaching Reader to Morally Gray Protagonist may offer you further help as far as how to make sure these characters stay likable/sympathetic in the eyes of your reader, despite the harm they've caused each other.

I hope that helps!

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[hylialeia]

okay but as someone who's tired of media doing the whole "the oppressed people were too mean to their oppressors" bit I'm thrilled that Norman and the Lambda crew didn't have to give a half-assed apology for fucking up the royal capital. like the narrative still makes it clear their overall plan was flawed and morally Not Good but the characters themselves don't get shamed or condemned for doing it because it's clear that they were the actions of 1) severely traumatized children who, 2) were actively pushed to those extremes by an immensely cruel and fucked up system. and even though it’s a small thing it just. makes such a huge difference to me

and that will always be better than stories trying to pull the rug out from under people and saying "see? they're all just as bad in the end~~" because if anything it goes to show that The Promised Neverland actually understands the power dynamic that it's crafted. even if it makes the choice to portray the complexity of both sides, it doesn’t pretend they're even remotely the same. one group, even if the situation isn’t black-and-white, is ultimately upholding systematic oppression and the other is fighting against it, and within the narrative that context is actually allowed to matter. there's a balance between showing that Norman's plan is wrong in principle while also being entirely understandable in context and it culminates in him being allowed to change his course without being forced to grovel for actions he took against his oppressors. finally some good fucking writing

#tpn #the promised neverland #tpn norman #norman #many thoughts head full #this is why I feel he's so similar to scar from fmab #like I love the demon characters in tpn but it would have been extremely iffy if the writing had decided they were all suddenly innocent #overall the narrative does a good job of balancing that complexity #without veering off into that self-righteous bs so many stories try to pull #like. the demons commit genocide. actively farmed humans. #experimented on them. brainwashed and enslaved a good portion of them. #and that happened when there were alternatives! #even the more sympathetic demons are guilty of complacency in the face of this #and the reason I'm still able to root for them is because that sympathy #doesn't require norman or the other lambda kids to be demonized (pun not intended) #so yeah I'm not onboard with the idea that norman didn't ~suffer enough~ for his actions #the kid was raised as food and turned into a human experiment and tortured #the idea that like. musica or sonju should have been meaner to him or whatever leaves such a bad taste in my mouth #(ayshe is valid tho.) #also just in case #tpn manga spoilers #tpn meta

[bonsai-babies]

re-thinking my experience with ck

I remember the first time my teen cousin pulled me out of my peaceful holidays and forced me to watch Cobra Kai with him. I had seen no trailer or synopsis for it. I went completely blank. Actually, my cousin showed me pictures of the actresses on the show because he knew I was a weak lesbian and I needed encouragement. So all I had was a vague image of what the girls looked like, and it was good enough for me to give it a real chance.

Barely a couple of episodes in I already knew two things: I was enjoying it way more than I expected and it was written by men. I just felt the male writing-ness and even though it had a lot of things we as a society had grown past to, it was entretaining enough for me to ignore the embarrassing shit.

I guess because I'm older and less impressionable I was able to connect with the characters without being manipulated by the story. Case in point: I think Johnny is a terrible sensei, Cobra Kai was a mistake and still I'm glad he taught Aisha and Miguel because it was important for these kids who really needed help -- and no one was giving it to them. Not that Johnny wanted to help them or anything, he was in it for selfish reasons, but still. My cousin however is defending this motherfucker because he's the show's main 'hero' and you are made to cheer for him. Which is fair, but not always right.

I liked Johnny from the very start. He was such an ass. And I was fine with it. Daniel was the second adult that I really rooted for, who I noticed was being treated worse by the text from very early on.

Sam, Robby, and Miguel were the kids who did nothing wrong ever and deserved happiness from the very start. I got attached to the three of them, my cousin took Miguel's side (of course, like with Johnny, he is preferred by the text too and Robby/ Sam antagonizes the show's 'heroes' from time to time), so we had a lot of discussions. Which was tough because he does not get the concept of POV in stories, also he was 15, there wasn't much I could force him to wrap his head around because he had not gone through the same growing I had as a fucking adult.

So it also caused a rift between us when watching teenagers from teenage POV and adult-motherly POV.

I was way more understanding and welcoming of the kids. To me, all the drama made sense for their age and for the context they were in. I could see beyond that, so when a drunk girl under pressure kissed her ex at a party I didn't flip, or when a young boy told his father out for being a jackass of a man, I was on his side. I vouched for them. My cousin was angry. The script's heroes were being antagonized and he only had those heroes' views being shown to him in a sympathetic way, also as a teen himself, everything is the end of the world. -- He's also a HUGE Miguel x Sam shipper so the second season was tough for him.

And despite the text's insistence in not giving sympathy to the LaRusso side of the story, I ended up connecting deeply with The Rich FamilyTM. Which is completely unexpected in my personal situation.

I struggle with a lot of stress and anger issues, I like to joke saying I am Fire Nation all the way and that I was born with a demon's blood because I feel cursed. I'm poor, I'm unlucky, I'm ugly af and I'm the type of underdog the movies just ignore or will make fun of because I'm not cute or quirky. I'm just normal, neurodivergent and angry -- and ugly, important to highlight. Good shit just doesn't happen to me. In this light, Johnny's motivation should resonate like a symphony in my heart. Cobra Kai's way should match my inner conflicts and give me fictional release through their aggressiveness against the world. But it didn't. And as I said before in this blog, I believe it is because of the way it was made of by the writers. Even when I understood some motivations and goals, the context surrounding it in the story was impossible for me to side on. I couldn't ignore some of the absurdity. And I truly felt like the Miyagi side was being treated unfairly, and this, this treatment truly resonated with me. Being treated unfairly by the story is something I just know all too well.

Also, I'm a woman and lesbian, so it didn't matter how badly the text tried to distract me from the women, I was in it for them. So let's talk about the girls.

Having smelled the manliness of the writing I set my standards VERY LOW. I was truly surprised when a fat girl was not made fun of by the script and how Amanda was at first a pretty reasonable lady. Extremely smart and fresh. I was also very glad when Sam didn't end up being just some girl -- even though we know people love to be mean to her and think of her exactly like that but I'm blaming in on personal bias and YES, misogyny, cry as much as you want, Sam's hate has a lot of misogyny involved, die mad about it. But my happiness with it only lasted because my standards were low. I think they could do better with them. Soon I realized: oh Aisha is gone now, Sam is the 'girl in the love triangle', Tory is the new Johnny which the text love and will cover her ass for very tough shit that should really not be overlooked over like that. -- Even me being this angry ass gremlim who wants to eat the rich-er I do not condone beating up the girl you personalized all your hate into because of your biased view of her.

We had a serious redemption for a guy who deliberately broke his friend's arm but let's shit on the girl who accused the other of stealing this thing once -- in a very understanding context, I might add. I'm super glad about Hawk's growth though, I just wish the same kindness was shown to my daughter.

So now I am 65% happy... I want a non-white female writer in that room ASAP.

It is certainly harder to rewatch this show as a queer woman, but the girls really do it for me. I'm happy to have them and I want to say that it is important to have them. Carmen and Yaya are a balm in my pain, Amanda is such a spectacle, Tory has such a great journey, Sam is so precious I just wanna protect her from everyone.

A lot of my thought process only got consolidated with time and I believe that soon enough more of it will come.

#cobra kai #cobra kai thoughts #sam larusso #samantha larusso #daniel larusso #robby keene #johnny lawrence #miguel diaz #tory nichols #amanda larusso #carmen diaz #aisha robinson

[south-park-meta]

Randy

Why I like them Randy can be a really funny character. Probably like most people I preferred him in the earlier seasons, but I still find him likable enough. I think he loves his family and really does want what's best for them and wants to connect with them, and he's hurt when he can't make that happen. I like a lot of his and Stan's interactions especially in the earlier seasons; I like Randy actually wanting to be involved in activities because it's not true of most of the other parents.

Why I don’t Randy can be pretty selfish to the detriment of his wife and kids. Like, repeatedly. His own interests often supersede both Stan and Shelly's, even when it's during times he's actively trying to connect and have fun with them. He's often casually sexist and homophobic, specifically to the end of feeding into toxic stereotypes which have a clear negative impact on both of his kids.

Favorite episode (scene if movie) Bloody Mary

Favorite season/movie None, peak Randy for me is probably mid-seasons Randy but I don't have a particular favorite.

Favorite line Randy WHAT?? STAN'S IN THE RED ROBIN WEDDING TOO?? OH GOD, I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM!

Favorite outfit

or just his everyday outfit, especially when he's early episodes and off-model because it's funnier to me.

OTP Randy/Sharon...kind of grudgingly because I think they love each other but really should be divorced at least for longer than like an episode while they work things out.

Brotp Also Randy and Sharon. I like when they get along.

Head Canon There's been different little hints about his relationship with Sharon which are probably contradictory. Personally I like them basically having a Stan-and-Wendy type of relationship where they have a schoolyard crush and start off with just innocent dating that's mostly just holding hands. I like the dynamic being kind of different-but-the same and also a bit flipped, with Randy being this gregarious leader who gets a lot of people involved in his movements (though he gives up on them pretty fast). Sharon has a a weak stomach and hurls on her crushes until she gets over it when she's in third or fourth grade, with Randy helping encourage more confidence in Sharon by being himself in kind of the same way Wendy helped encourage more confidence in Stan. I see them dating off and on pretty casually through school, breaking up for a longer time at the end of high school, then finally getting together for good in their early twenties.

Unpopular opinion I guess that I don't hate the show for being 'The Randy Show' in recent seasons on its own. I mean, I don't like the show being focused on Randy but the reason I don't isn't because I don't think Randy can carry multiple episodes. I actually think there's probably the potential for that. I like many of the episodes that have a Randy focus. But the way it's been done makes it a lot harder to root for him. I tend to be pretty optimistic when it comes to the Marshes as being able to get to...at least a healthier dynamic. Of course there's something to be said about the way he and the show itself is progressing. Randy's drinking more, doing more drugs, more actively telling his family to just fuck off--There's something interesting there. There's obviously a history of depression and addiction in the Marsh family, most clearly on Randy's side. I think there's room for sympathy/understanding towards Randy in that a lot of his behavior is tied to both depression, likely tied to the farm not working out the way he wanted despite big plans he had, and clearly worsening addiction. It's just that as a fan who is actually rooting for Randy AND rooting for the Marshes to both love and like each other, well.... It gets harder to do when he's dragging his family down with him. I'm not the biggest fan of the Randy plot line not because I hate the drama either in the show or in fanworks, but it DOES become a harder sell for me wanting relationships to be repaired.

A wish Give up on Tegridy, move back to SP.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen Uh...the only thing I really don't want to happen is for Randy to actually become irredeemable in my eyes when it comes to his relationship with his family. That's kind of hard to pin down though since there's a lot of ways they could do that. He's not there yet, though.

5 words to best describe them Goofy, sincere, petulant, selfish, fun

My nickname for them None. (Or Stan's dad maybe lol I do call him that a lot even though he's been named for like 50 million years)

#south park #randy marsh

[onebigowlhouseobsession]

So, this is a scene in a Cassielucy Hanahaki AU fic that I am currently working on. The fic is nowhere near done, but I do like this scene enough to share it. Something about that sweet platonic bonding just warms my heart!

Anyway, this part is basically all about Compton and Cassie. Check it out below the cut!

"Boolie?" She coughs, her voice cracks, and her throat scrapes painfully as she swallows. For a moment, they stare at each other, Cassie bent with hands clamped over the edge of the sink, Compton still in the doorway, hinges creaking as he steps inside. The moment he glances away from his friend, still hacking, shaking, knuckles white from gripping the ceramic so hard, his gaze lands on the magnolias, sunny yellow, fragile petals broken from their perilous journey, littering the sides of the sink.

Wordlessly, he walks over to stand beside Cassie, before taking her hand. He squeezes reassuringly, and Cassie, still leaned over, struggling to support her own weight, fighting down the urge to wretch up more of the wretched, wretched blooms, begins to sob.

She wipes the blood from her mouth with a heavy, trembling sigh. She backs away from the sink, sinks down to sit on the cool tile floor of the kitchen, hands pressed flat against them, her head tilting back against the wall. Her chest aches, as if someone has raised their fists and cracked her as hard as they could in the sternum. Aches, as if a pair of massive hands are squeezing until her ribs splinter, crack, break. She struggles to catch her breath, struggles to focus on much else besides the suffocating bloom of adoration.

Heartache turned physical, turned concrete, turned truly temporal. The writer in Cassie would surely laugh, amused with the turn of phrase. The researcher in her would roll her eyes because, after all, the science never lied, and the heart was but a muscle.

The lover in Cassie, the entire reason these roots fester in the first place, can only summon the wherewithal to grieve such a loss. Loss, before she could even try, the fight long over before it's ever been waged. The sword is still left in the stone, and Cassie, the Orpheus of this tale, couldn't even bring herself to try to pull it out.

Her heart aches. She turns to Compton, her eyes teary, fists clenched in the bunched fabric of her skirt. "Have you ever felt this way?"

Compton, having seated himself beside her, head bent in quiet sympathy as he watches his dearest friend suffer, at first only nods in the affirmative. Then, once he's gotten his wits about him, he says, a little hesitantly, "Once before, yes." He carefully considers his next words, as if trying to soften a particularly devastating blow, offering them in a quiet murmur, a gentle cadence. "It was shortly after I met you."

Cassie's eyes widened. Compton doesn't notice, staring at the cracks between the tiles now, tongue laden with something akin to memory.

His voice gets a little louder, a tad less discomfited. Somewhere in there, a tiny, self-deprecating laugh slips in, one he hadn't noticed. "I wasn't sure you'd be able to stand me, If I'm being honest. I was more than certain you'd get sick of me, eventually."

A bouquet of white zinnias, presented with a nervous smile, all those years ago. The petals had been a little damaged, but Cassie was certain that was from the way Compton smoothed them over with anxious, trembling fingers. They grew in bunches around the hives, clusters in the spring, so when Compton hands them over as a sign of their friendship, Cassie simply assumes he'd picked them himself; such a Compton thing to do anyway, to painstakingly look over each flower until he finds the right ones, to arrange and rearrange, because Cassie mentioned once before she adored zinnias, and she was his best friend, after all.

Zinnias. Oh. If only she'd noticed the bend of the stems. The state of the leaves.

The feeling that claws up her throat now is horror, plain and simple. 

The thought of the pain he went through...

"Boolie, why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugs. It's rather lame. "Well, I thought I should, but by the time I'd worked up the courage to, it revealed itself to be a non-issue."

"I wish you'd come to talk to me as soon as you first started to worry," Cassie says. "I could have told you right then what I'm about to tell you right now: You are the greatest ally I have ever had, and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything."

"It never occured to me that that might be a possibility. You see, I was distinctly prepared for rejection. So much so, no other options felt even remotely likely."

"That's a little silly."

"Ah, see?"

"You know what I mean. That's silly because I care about you."

"When are you going to tell her?" Compton asks, softly, moving until he's leaning against Cassie's side.

"Oh, I don't know." She coughs into her hand. Hides the yellow petals beneath tight-locked fingers, as if Compton won't notice; as if that might protect him. "Maybe, maybe not ever."

"It doesn't stop hurting… not so long as you're uncertain. You might save yourself some pain down the line."

"Or, I could ruin everything." She smiles, tight-lipped. "No, I'll manage."

#platonic hanahaki #more likely than you think #wip #cassielucy #hanahaki au lucassie baby! #my writing #compton and cassie friendship momence #compton boole #cassie o’pia #lucrecia mux #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts #blood cw #non life-threatening hanahaki

[neochatarra]

8 Untold Signs Of Narcissist People

Sometimes the signs of narcissism aren't so obvious and narcissists fly under our radar. Not every narcissist may be a puffed-up addict or a Mean Girl like Regina George. If they were, we could see the signs from a mile away and steer clear. No, many narcissists are sensitive, thoughtful, and generous – until the charade wears off, of course.

That's why it's so important to know the subtle signs of narcissism that you simply won't notice until it's too late and they've sucked you into their region.

What's the Difference Between an Overt and Covert Narcissist?

Many people tend to consider narcissists as having extroverted personalities. They're flamboyant and demand to be the middle of attention – how are you able to miss them?

The truth is, introverts also can be narcissists. These are those who fool us into their web of manipulation.

"They're not self-absorbed – they're just sensitive!"

"They're not a nasty friend – they're just misunderstood!"

After forming a relationship with a covert narcissist, you realize that this sensitivity and isolation were, in fact, signs of narcissism. Since the signs weren't so obvious, however, you completely misjudged things.

8 Signs of Narcissism You Can't-Miss

Since the covert narcissist is best at hiding their abusive behavior, it's important to know the subtle cues that give them away.

1. They'll Never Utter the Phrase "I Don't Know"

I once knew a narcissist who was so averse to the present phrase that he would rather give someone dangerously incorrect answers than admit to not knowing something. He was confident in his woefully wrong answers, too.

Why do this?

Answering an issue with "I don't know" deprives the narcissist of important attention. The person seeking a solution will simply advance to somebody else who might help them. That's an enormous ego hit.

That's why you'll often find narcissists rambling on about topics they need no business speaking on.

2. They Are A Nasty Friend

The narcissist is usually a nasty friend but you'll typically find them playing the victim. confirm to urge all sides of the story if you're unsure.

What are some red flag signs of narcissism that indicate the suspect may be a narcissist?

• They get irritated when their friends invite help or advice.

• They don't bother to call or text their friends on birthdays or holidays.

• They don't return borrowed items. (A sign of entitlement.)

• They owe their friends money. they'll downplay this as "not an enormous deal."

• They embarrass their friends ahead of others.

• They hunt down or entertain their friends' partners or love interests.

They also treat waitstaff or service workers poorly. This is a dead giveaway. run the hills. Anyone who disrespects waitstaff or service workers views people as "beneath" them. Soon, you'll be a part of the inferiors also.

3. They Need To Insert Themselves Into Every Story

A covert narcissist might not demand everyone's attention. They will, however, still find how to form everything about them. an outsized part of this strategy involves inserting themselves into every story.

Is a coworker talking about their experience with homelessness? The narcissist, too, features a story about being poor.

Is a lover talking about his amazing trip to Vietnam? The narcissist also had a friend who visited Vietnam. And guess what? She heard it wasn't so great.

No matter the subject, the narcissist features a remarkable skill for turning the eye their way – regardless of how innocuous it'd seem.

4. They're Sensitive

At first, you'll appreciate their ability to freely express emotions. this is often an excellent tactic narcissists use to lure empathetic people into their trap.

Maybe a fast-food worker got their order wrong and therefore the narcissist hasn't shut up about it all day. Maybe their boss asked them to prevent playing on their phone such a lot and now the narcissist is crying about it over dinner.

As time goes on, you'll realize that the narcissist isn't vulnerable and sensitive: their fragile ego can't handle honest mistakes and valid criticism. To the narcissist, these are personal attacks.

5. They Form Relationships Based On What Someone Can "Do for Them"

If you're at a celebration and therefore the suspected narcissist suggests you ask someone because they will help together with your career or financial situation, don't ignore it. They aren't trying to assist you: they're letting you in on their game.

Narcissists tend to make shallow friendships that supported what people can do for them. You'll often find narcissists make friends with horribly toxic people simply because these folks have money, own bars, or offers career opportunities.

6. Their Stories Don't Match Reality

Both the overt and covert narcissist has an inflated sense of self. The thing is, they believe their lies. As a result, you'll often find they recall stories much differently than the situations played out.

If you notice that the suspect constantly reframes stories to form themselves the hero or victim, retreat fast – this is often one among the various signs of narcissism. By changing the story to suit their narrative, the narcissist is gaslighting everyone else involved.

It's not cute or funny to constantly need to correct them. Sooner or later, they'll start gaslighting you, too.

7. They Observe and Judge

"There's no way she will be a narcissist. When we're out with friends, she barely says ten words!"

I hear it all the time. By sitting back and observing everyone, however, the covert narcissist is silently taking notes and judging. I'm sure you heard all about her observations on the car ride home.

The narcissist must feel superior to everyone around them. this is often easy to try to do once you don't open your mouth to interact in conversation and instead sit back to require notes about everyone's shortcomings.

8. They Only Hear Bits and Pieces of Your Stories

Does it desire the suspected narcissist just isn't. listening? They're probably not. And if they're, they don't care.

Maybe you spent ten minutes venting to your mother about how you didn't get that promotion at work because you showed up late one solitary time with a legitimate reason. How did she respond? "Well, maybe you'll remember to point out up on time from now on."

You can't be the victim. Only the narcissist is often the victim.

You see this ton with narcissist parents or partners who listen only enough to toss stuff back in your face later.

How to Turn the Tables on a Narcissist?

Perhaps you've gone on a couple of dates with someone or a replacement coworker joined your team. you think they'll be a narcissist but you aren't entirely sure.

After all, the covert narcissist is especially cunning at hiding the more obvious signs of narcissism. Here's the way to turn the tables on a narcissist and obtain them to show themselves.

• Play along. Don't give the suspected narcissist room to regulate their manipulation tactics – play stupid and pretend you completely believe them. Use this chance to document their behavior.

• Remain indifferent. If you want to continue handling an overt or covert narcissist for reasons out of your control, act indifferent to their behavior. The narcissist wants to use your emotions against you. If you don't give them anything to figure with, they'll seek their fix elsewhere.

• Find Support: this might only include one or two people you trust. open up to someone who will validate and believe you.

At the top of the day, the sole thanks to truly turn the tables on a narcissist are to chop them off completely. If that they had any real intentions of adjusting, they might have done so already.

The narcissist won't suddenly see things your way. If they ever do, it's – a) for a fleeting moment and b) to use against you later. Don't believe the conflicting information you would possibly see from other websites or therapists – the narcissist will never change.

With a mental disease, a chemical imbalance within the brain may cause different disturbances that manifest as depression, anxiety, and lots of others. Although complex, mental illnesses tend to reply well to medication because it targets the physical root of the problem: like a chemical imbalance. Though it's been determined that a lot of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are frequently caused by unresolved emotional trauma, often dating as far back as childhood.

Personality disorders occur due to a repetitive stimuli-reward environment. At some point in their life, the narcissist realized they might elicit specific reactions and emotions from people – and it felt good and helped them achieve their self-fulfilling agendas.

Anything but cutting them out of your life will offer you a mental and emotional breakdown.

No Contact is that the Only Way to Packing Up A Narcissist

Many narcissists have always been this manner – whilst far back as their teenage or childhood years. If you're handling a narcissist, you can't and will not expect them to vary their behavior now or ever.

Treatment for personality disorders often involves things like cognitive behavioral therapy. In many cases, a narcissist can also suffer from other mental illnesses like depression or substance use disorder. (You've probably heard extensively about these problems, too, when the narcissist needs your sympathy or someone responsible .)

ىDespite this, there's little evidence to suggest therapy works for narcissists as personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. the primary step to getting assistance is to admit a drag exists – the narcissist will never believe they need or are a drag.

No Contact is that the only option.

Trust in yourself and your network. Because once you get to the opposite side and stick with No Contact, you'll be amazed by all the amazing belongings you can accomplish.

#narcissitic #narcissist #covert narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissus

[margridarnauds]

Hey there loving your blog! If I'm not imposing too much, can you talk about tohobeth? Any version and anything at all!

I ALWAYS have time to talk Tohobeth. Since I feel like it would be unfair to talk about productions I haven’t personally seen, I’m going to keep my discussion mainly to the 2015-2016 production, since I have the DVD on it. My views on it aren’t as solid as they are on, say, 1789 or MA, mainly because, somewhat embarrassingly, I only got my DVD AFTER I left the States, with my mom scanning the files in and sending them on to me via GDrives. And, with my Master’s program....well. I’ve not been able to watch it anywhere near to where I usually do before forming hard opinions. (Generally speaking, it takes about....six months or so for me to REALLY settle into my opinions, though, as you can see re: Lady Bess, there are a few times where my opinions are still variable after years.) 

It’s a fact well known at this point that I’m not the biggest Hanafusa Mari fan in the world, and it’s also a fact that she was recorded as Elisabeth twice, as opposed to Hana Ranno, who was double-cast in the role with her, getting a DVD of her own. Was I happy about this? No. Whenever I see Hana Ranno footage on Youtube, I feel this sort of ache in my chest because I REALLY would have loved to see her Toho Elisabeth. Maybe she wouldn’t have been a personal fave, maybe I would have actively hated her performance, but as it is, she’s acquired a semi-mythical significance to me now as The One That Fell Into Oblivion. 

Such a pity she couldn’t show up on the DVD. Such a pity. 

Part of why I’m so scathing, of course, is that I tend to REALLY like getting both casts so that I can see the differences between performers, and, with a musical called “Elisabeth” that obviously has Elisabeth as a protagonist...it can almost feel like getting half of what I normally get. It’s still good, I still do recommend the DVD, obviously, but also if I could go back in time to talk to some Toho execs and be like “Look, guys.....record both Sisis.” 

Now, I come not to bury Hanafusa Mari, but to praise Tohobeth, so I won’t be too far on the attack here especially since, to be perfectly fair, I feel like Elisabeth is the single best Toho performance of hers I’ve seen (between Mozart, Lady Bess, Marie Antoinette, and Elisabeth). She’s been playing the role since 1996, so she has very much fine-tuned her interpretation at this point, and there are MANY people who feel like she’s the definitive Japanese Elisabeth. This is the role, more than any other single role, that made her a legend in the industry. I personally feel like she REALLY starts hitting her stride about midway through the first act and, by the start of the second act, she’s at her peak performance. The role of Elisabeth is very challenging for any actress; most Elisabeths are drawn to one of the three stages of Elisabeth’s life that we see - Some of them are very good at playing 15 year old Elisabeth, some the Young Wife/Empress, and some the older, bitter Elisabeth, and, personally, I feel like Hanafusa is best in the latter role. As an actress, she very clearly feels a draw to sadness and mourning (in both Lady Bess and Marie Antoinette, she took the sadder interpretation of both characters she played, as opposed to her costars, who separated between the low points and the high points of their lives) and Older Elisabeth gives her the chance to stay in her comfort zone. Unfortunately, when it comes to Younger Elisabeth, especially in the very beginning, I find that she can age revert herself a little TOO much, so that she plays Elisabeth-at-15 as Elisabeth-at-8, which makes her interactions with both Der Tod and Franz Josef a little bit on the uncomfortable side. 

A personal highlight for Yoshio!Tod for me is his Die Schatten Länger in the first act, where he goes from sympathetic to seductive to sinister and then back to seductive. It’s an impressive performance of one of my favorite moments, if not my ULTIMATE favorite moment of the entire musical, and he does it so effortlessly. Watching him....he reminds me a little of Uwe Kröger? He isn’t quite as aloof and ageless as 1992!Der Tod, but looking at him in the role, I do get this vision of this otherworldly entity. He has this kind of floating, ethereal voice that we tend to associate with the classical Phantom of the Operas, with a very nice, smooth lower range in particular. I do also like his dynamic with Hanafusa Mari during “Wenn Ich Tanzen Will” -- She isn’t as reactive as some Elisabeths that I’ve seen, but I do still get the feeling of the two of them acting and reacting to one another, and this production is thankfully less....aggressive than certain productions. (2005, I’M LOOKING AT YOU.) I always prefer this scene as a verbal battle of wills, not necessarily Der Tod manhandling Elisabeth, and Toho delivers that. 

His performance almost makes me forgive him for 2006 Marie Antoinette. Almost. 

Shirota Yu on the other hand...he’s STILL otherworldly, but in a totally different way. He isn’t immature (I’ve SEEN immature Deaths, and he’s not), he isn’t the Bastard Boyfriend Der Tod, but there’s...something almost NAIVE about him at times? Not in a way that makes him less deadly, but in a way that makes him MORE so. He’s never interacted with a human before, not on this level, it’s very obvious he has no idea how humans really function or work, and Elisabeth confuses him just as much as she intrigues him. I also think that, at various times, you can REALLY see him having the time of his life in the role, playing a very, very expressive Tod in comparison to his more refined, aloof counterpart. Take their respective approaches to the death of little Sophie. 

“Oh, Elisabeth! This is so ~sad~ Here, let me console you! (This should work, right?)” 

“Hm, interesting, it seems like she’s upset. This isn’t what I anticipated.” 

And, at the beginning of Der Letze Tanz, which I’m including here purely because Shirotan is looking particularly memeable here. 

“Hello, it’s me, and yes, I’m majestic, I know, look at me.” 

“You hate death, but live as a mortal. Curious! I am very intelligent.” 

He’s a little rougher than Yoshio, a little less refined (I’ve heard Yoshio Inoue’s Der Tod compared, both positively and negatively, to a European aristocrat, which is actually a little ironic since, of the two of them, Yu Shirota Fernández is technically the more “European”, but. Well. In approach...) He has a wonderful voice (honestly, if you ever want to send your eardrums to heaven, listen to his cover of Die Schatten Werden Länger with Ramin Karimloo. Thank me later), though it’s different than Yoshio Inoue’s more classical voice. I think he has a little bit of a pop influence in there. Which might SEEM like the kiss of death for a performer, but in my opinion, he does work it. (Look, I can’t say anything negative about the guy: My mom has a massive crush on him, I own his album, and also I wasn’t able to finish the one video of him immediately following Miura Haruma’s death where he tried to sing through tears because it GOT me and now I can’t see Shirotan’s face without wanting to give him a massive hug. Which I can’t. Both for geographical reasons and also social distance.) It’s actually a little hard to compare the two Tods because, while they wear the same costumes, sing the same music, act against the same actress, they take such radically different approaches that it’s hard to say “Oh, yes, this one!” or “Oh, yes! That one!” Especially since I’m not sure that Shirota Yu’s voice would have worked with Yoshio Inoue’s approach or vice versa. I ended up loving both Der Tods for various reasons. I THINK that if my copies of Elisabeth were dangling off a cliff and my archnemesis told me to pick one, I would have to end up rescuing Yoshio Inoue’s version because I tend to prefer my sleek, elegant Tods (”Tode?”) but like. I’d be in mourning. Not the least because I’d have to tell my mom about the loss of Yu Shirota’s Tod. 

Speaking of crushes...look. Takanori Sato’s Franz. We know that I have a minor, unfortunate crush on his Louis XVI in Marie Antoinette, and as Franz...He did SUCH a good job with a character who is hard to make sympathetic in the limited time he has. Most audiences are rooting either for Elisabeth/Death or Elisabeth/Independence, and Franz quickly loses sympathy as the musical goes on, so an actor who can make him likeable is working against the tide there, but Takanori gives him SUCH a huge degree of warmth that I found myself rooting for Elisabeth/Franz to make things work out even though we know that it can’t.

 I repeat my assessment from my Marie Antoinette write-up: #FersenDerTodWho?

Mario Tashiro...we know that I do love this man’s work. In my opinion, he has one of the single best voices in the industry. But also, in my opinion....as an actor....he just.....doesn’t have it. He tends to act like the single most one-dimensional version of a role he can get away with. In the beginning, when Franz is young and in love with Sisi during “Nichts ist Schwer” there were a few moments where I felt like I might go into a sugar coma. 

They’re so cute together. Kill me now. 

And, unfortunately, Franz doesn’t have enough time to REALLY show off his range, with the exception of a few low notes and the act one finale (which to be fair, he is BRILLIANT in), to the point where I did, however slightly, end up preferring Takanori Sato both vocally and acting wise. I wouldn’t say that he’s wasted in the role, because he DOES do a good job with what he’s given, but I do think that it’s hard to appreciate just what he can do from this alone. 

It’s only fitting, after talking about Franz, that his mother should come right after him always lurking in the background, as always. And, overall....there isn’t THAT much difference, namely because Sophie, as a role, just doesn’t have that much variance in the role. And most of the fanbase is kind of. Actively rooting for her to die at any given point. There’s not that much that a given actress can really do with it. It’s nothing against them, it’s just a matter of how the role is written. I do find it interesting how both approached the death scene: Tatsuki Kohju’s Sophie is crying at the end, frightened of the afterlife as she clutches, frantically at the death angels before she slumps over, her cane falling out of her hand. As powerful as she was in life, she’s terrified of what comes beyond, as powerless as any other mortal. Suzuke Mayo tries to say something, mouthing some words, but then jerks sharply at a pain in her chest, trying to stay conscious for as long as she can but staggering backwards anyway, falling into the arms of the death angels with a look of pure relief on her face. You get the feeling that she’s been fighting for Austria for so long, made so many personal sacrifices of her own, that the chance for rest is coming as a relief to her. I THINK I prefer the latter interpretation, but honestly, both of them are solid in their own right, though I’m not sure that the role REALLY gets enough to justify a double-casting. (Also....I have to say that, while I wouldn’t necessarily get a musical just for Susuke Mayo, I’ve seen her in enough to have suitably warm feelings for her performances, so I’m already coming in with some amount of bias.) 

Lucheni...I don’t REALLY pay as much attention to, compared to, say, the main trio, but he is our narrator, and both Luchenis did take very different approaches to the character. Songha’s Lucheni was...well, if he isn’t in love with Der Tod himself, he’s obsessed with him. We see him reaching out to Der Tod both at the beginning (when he appears on stage for the first time) and at the end, when Der Tod drops the knife to him. There’s a fervor to him in those scenes in particular that I tend to associate with worshippers in a Baptist Revival. Yamazaki is a little bit more subdued, in the beginning I get the feeling that he’s almost under Der Tod’s trance himself, and, in general, I think he’s a little bit more cynical, though, by the ending, he’s dropped a lot of that pretense. He looks at the knife after he’s stabbed her (Songha’s Lucheni almost lets her walk into the knife, but Yamazaki’s STABS), before a smile comes to his face as he falls down while running, finally laughing. It’s like he’s been playing things more or less subdued this entire time and this is his real BREAK, now that he finally has the opportunity to kill. With Songha’s...

He’s actually shocked. I’m not generous enough to Lucheni, as a character, to say that he really feels bad about killing ELISABETH per se, but that...he’s borderline-fetishized Death for so long, waited so long, and then, when he finally has the chance...it doesn’t live up to his expectations. A woman walked into his knife. (She walked into his knife ten times.) There’s nothing dramatic or exciting about it. One small action, and it can’t be taken back, there’s no getting away from it. He actively stumbles around stage afterwards, confused as he tries to run away, like he doesn’t know what to do now. 

Of the two of them, Songha has a rougher, kind of growelly voice, to the point where I didn’t REALLY like his Lucheni all that much until I started to analyze his acting. Voice is a MASSIVE factor in whether I enjoy a performance, simply because...it’s my eardrums. I very much want to keep them intact. (For what it’s worth, Songha is NEVER rough to the degree it hurts my eardrums, but there have been a few...) It’s arguably fitting for someone who, as a character, is as rough as Lucheni, but it wasn’t to my personal taste, while Yamazaki...I mean, he’s playing Der Tod in the 20th anniversary. Whenever we get the 20th anniversary. He’s played some of the most celebrated roles in Japanese theatre. The man has RANGE and a fantastic control of the role. (Also...look. As a bisexual woman, I’m just going to say it: He’s more personally attractive to me, though the Toho Lucheni isn’t....really....designed to be attractive. If you go in expecting Takarazuka Lucheni or Serkan Kaya’s extremely pretty Lucheni...well. He isn’t. Either version of him. He looks like someone just pulled him out of a garbage can.) I did notice that both of them have quite a bit of growl in their voice during “Milch”, though, so some of this could be directorial intervention. While BOTH of them absolutely nail the high note in the Prologue, in my opinion, Yamazaki’s riffs are an absolute HIGH point for me (...okay, yeah. Literally and figuratively. I didn’t mean to make a pun. But here we are.) I do think, at the end of the day, I prefer his voice, though I think that both of them did interesting things with the role, taking what is essentially opposite approaches. I don’t think I have a really clear favorite there. One of these days, I’ll have to check out Songha’s other work to see what his voice is like in its “Natural State” so to speak since if, for example, I’d only ever heard Oka Kojiro’s voice in 1789, I’d have just assumed he only knew how to bark out his roles. 

One role that wasn’t double-cast but that I WOULD like to draw attention to anyway is Furukawa Yuta as Rudolf. My friend @chibimyumi‘s already written some wonderful meta on Furudolf that I highly recommend, and there’s very little that I can really add except to say that he’s probably my personal take on the role, mainly because, while he IS sympathetic, that isn’t the entirety of his character. He isn’t just a pawn in Der Tod’s game,though Der Tod is unquestionably manipulating him, but a character in his own right. I’ve noticed in the Elisabeth fandom...it can be quite common to go “POOR WOOBIE RUDOLF” and....yes, he did have a very tragic life, but there was more to his life than just the tragedy. He had a life and a personality outside of that (that and....the general erasure of the 17 year old girl who died by his side, but it’s hard to be too harsh on the fandom for that when the musical itself kind of skips over that.) 

Now, on those notes, there’s one thing that...I don’t want to talk about, but I feel like it’s an elephant in the room if I don’t. 

Namely, Hass. 

I don’t like talking about this scene, mainly because it’s deeply uncomfortable subject matter, and it’s deeply controversial subject matter that, as a goyische white person, I really am out of my depth in talking about. There’s a reason why “Hass” was censored from the Zuka, and I know that some fans have gotten hooked on the Zuka, only to go to the German or the Toho, and have subsequently found themselves shocked and/or traumatized. I understand that it’s meant to be deeply uncomfortable, and the Toho DOES show Rudolf actively getting them to stop, which further solidifies the idea in Die Schatten Werden Länger of Rudolf WANTING to stop things from getting out of control, but he can’t. The Toho is also a little bit more brutal than I’m used to, showing an explicit attack on a Jewish man. It’s the kind of thing that, especially in the German and Austrian productions, was meant to give the audience a wake-up call and remind them of their own past, as a country, but can be traumatizing for any Jewish fans or fans of color who might be watching. Especially given that Lucheni, who we tend to associate as a jerk, yes, but as our more-or-less likeable narrator, is actively taking part. I know what they were going for, but also there’s a reason why I never stream this production without a warning ahead of time, and I also tend to end up skipping this scene. 

The staging is very nice, probably one of the more intricate Toho stagings I’ve seen, with a lot of props and backgrounds moving around, often mid-song, as well as projections in scenes such as Die Ersten Vier Jahre in order to show the passage of time.

 The costuming is, predictably for Toho, fantastic, lavish without being quite as sparkly as their Takarazuka counterparts, having quite a few nice velvet numbers in there. The costuming of Elisabeth is so iconic it seems pointless to discuss outfits like the Sternenkleid or the coronation outfit, but I think this production does well on even some of the non-iconic ensembles. See: 

And...you know, I said no iconic numbers, because they tend to be all people talk about, but like. One Sternenkleid pic. Because it’s what she deserves. 

Is it Too Soon to say that I’d stab her for that wardrobe alone? Because damn. And that’s not even touching the jewellery. 

I want. 

Overall, I believe this is probably my favorite production of Elisabeth. Toho really knocked it out of the park, and it’s a good compromise between the Takarazuka and the original Austrian in many, many ways (I do love them, for example, keeping Der Tod’s presence in Alle Fragen Sing Gestellt from the Takarazuka) while also making a production that’s distinct and stands on its own two feet. I really would like to have another proshot of the 2019-2020 cast, whenever the Japanese theatre community is in a more stable place, because I really, really would like to see Manaki Reika, Yamazaki, and Furukawa Yuta’s takes on their new roles, because I feel like they could be really, really solid and I’ve heard fantastic things about at least Chapi and Furukawa Yuta (nothing against Yamazaki, just that I don’t know anything about his take on Der Tod.) 

#long post #elisabeth das musical #toho elisabeth #Anonymous

[mistergrass]

Your fic is what's getting me through this quarantine nonsense, the charachter dynamics slay me because they make me weak and sentimental. With that out of the way, please give me any and all thoughts you have about Yuki coming to Shigure for romantic advice, I'm in love with the way you write them and I wanna know what Shigure thinks of Kyo and how he relates to Yuki. I hope you're safe and happy!

I am so glad that finally the length for pursuit can help for something. That something being quarantine. 

Anon, listen. I really really REALLY tried to make this as succinct, but it turns out that was not possible. So, have this meta instead. 

Because these are my genuine thoughts on what I believe their canon relationship is like, I kept most of my Pursuit mentions towards the end. 

Anyway, here are my thoughts on Shigure and Yuki’s relationship: 

I think we can learn a lot about Shigure from the two people in his life that he’s closest to. It really shows the kind of person that he truly respects. With Hatori, he’s very dutiful to the curse. He does what he’s told and what he needs to do in a responsible way, without ever complaining or blaming others. He wears his curse in a very dignified way—both respecting it, and not learning to resent the zodiac, the world, or others when terrible things happen. He’s a kind, reliable person who carries the burdens in his life singlehandedly, and doesn’t ever let it sour him. 

Ayame, on the other hand, is far removed from the curse. Ayame moves out of the estate, opens up his own business, goes about on a mission to better himself and fix his relationship with his brother. And throughout all of it, he doesn’t ever see the curse as something that could hold him back. He doesn’t blame the curse or others for the hardships in his life—he instead gains a singular vision on what is possible for him to accomplish and goes about doing it without any fuss. 

The reason why I think Shigure really didn’t like Yuki when he first moved into his house, is because Shigure really believed that Yuki was someone who wasn’t doing anything about his situation. He has an example in two of his closest friends on how to handle navigating “life with a curse”. And because of Shigure’s own situation (of not seeming to mind being cursed in the first place), it’s easy for him to see Yuki as an entitled, weak child. Yuki really forces Shigure to see a new side of the story, and to watch a new form of growth and healing. Yuki IS taking matters into his own hands, he just has to do it slowly because he’s still dealing with being badly emotionally hurt. That’s not something Shigure is going to notice until he spends time with him, which he does—a lot. 

They lived together for almost four months just the two of them before the manga takes place. 

And I really do think Shigure got an upfront look at Yuki’s healing process, too. 

I know I’ve said this before, but I think there’s evidence in that in the first time we see Yuki and Shigure really interact. While Tohru is sleeping, Yuki is telling Shigure this whole long story about how he hated living in the estate and wanting to run away. He tells him some personal things, like how he never thought he would be brave enough or resilient enough to do what Tohru did. And he’s saying all of this VERY casually. Yuki trusts Shigure with some of his deepest thoughts (that he had put a lid on for most of the series), but clearly doesn’t trust Shigure’s motivations or intentions. That is a really fascinating dynamic to me. 

Yuki kind of needs some readjusting back into the world after his childhood, and he gets that through a lot of people in his life throughout the manga. But I think sometimes his connection with Shigure is really overlooked in how it played a part of Yuki’s journey. While Yuki recalls hating/fearing the apathy that people had for him (which is represented by Shigure in the manga) it’s, unfortunately, what he’s used to.

I think because Yuki has grown up learning that what he thinks and feels doesn’t matter, Shigure ultimately ends up providing him with a sort of comfort. If he’s not cared about, he can’t be a burden. The words that are SO HEAVY to himself, won’t drag this other person down. And, for the first time, expressing himself won’t come with any consequences (such as anger or condescension from either Akito or his mother—or, even worse, result in memories being erased from people he cares about).

Which really makes me think that Shigure’s indifference towards Yuki was one of the first things Yuki was able to “conquer” from his past, whether he realized it or not. He turned this thing that he feared, and used it as a way to help himself grow. As if to say “just because I don’t matter to you, doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to process the things I need to process.” It’s still not an entirely healthy dynamic, and Yuki still takes awhile to learn that he’s allowed to “burden” people with his feelings. But it’s a HUGE step to take. 

That was what I tried to focus on in the intermission with Shigure—Yuki just taking those first steps to say out loud the things that he was never allowed to before. I think that must have happened. Otherwise, we wouldn’t see him being so casual with his thoughts with Shigure so early on in canon, while he toils over how to express himself to others in his life. 

It results in a dynamic like this: Yuki believes Shigure is truly indifferent to him, and becomes someone he can talk to when he’s plagued with some of the worst of his thoughts. The ones that no one else is allowed to know yet, or the ones that might burden the people around him. Inevitably, that does lead to Yuki learning to trust him. Meanwhile, Shigure listens to him and sees how Yuki is growing and improving himself—and bit by bit comes to like and respect him more and more.

In regards to applying this in pursuit, Yuki’s feelings for Kyo very much fall under the category of needing to be expressed, but still being too warped to talk about it with anyone else. (And once he does start talking about his feelings with people who actively show they care about him, that’s when his feelings for Kyo start becoming less toxic and more vulnerable and pure-hearted). 

In regards to how Shigure feels towards Kyo, I don’t think he has the same resentment he had towards Yuki. Mainly because there’s no denying how horrific the cat’s fate is—and even Shigure would realize the anguish that comes with that. But I do think that he finds Kyo to be a bit immature, lol. I think he just has a particular bond with Yuki, so he’s definitely rooting for him a little bit as time goes on—which takes form in a lot of different ways. But I also think that Yuki really played a hand in softening Shigure’s heart. By the time Tohru and Kyo are moved in, I think he allows himself to feel genuine affection for them. And I think part of that has to come from Yuki forcing Shigure to change his perspective on those who have been hurt by the curse (when previously the only person he’d really offered sympathy to was Hatori). 

So, in the end, when he’s faced with Kyo poised to run away, it’s an instinct almost as strong in the curse to make sure Kyo is safe. Because for one, he truly cares about Kyo. And for two, I don’t think he’d ever be able to do that to Yuki.

#Fruits Basket #grassy's meta tag #I feel like I get a Shigure and Yuki ask once every few months #and every time I try to figure out how to word my thoughts on their dynamic in a better way #I think I'm finally happy with the things said here #but still gotta work on that wordiness oh man :'')) #asks #anonymous #also bee will kill me if I don't tag her in this #@lilbeehive #yukikyo #sort of at the end #tporh

[jordan202]

Hi Jordan, I read your review and I'm interested in why you dislike the Betty and Leo storyline and particularly the borderline illegality of it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Hey, thanks for the message! Ok, so let me take this from the start.

These kids came onto the show in a moment where Owen had decided on a whim to do something for himself (adopt a kid) right after he came back from a trip he also decided to take on a whim. While we know that wanting to be a father has been a long time arc for Owen and that he has considered adoption before, it seemed way too much that in only a few hours he would make this decision without carefully considering it. But okay, I get it, sometimes we do impulsive things (although at the time, Owen was hitting on this button quite often and it obviously wasn’t working out).

It is my understanding that Owen’s dream has never been solely to have a child, but rather a family. But sometimes, regardless of how much we want something, or we work hard for something, it just doesn’t work the way we want to. So I get why Owen decided to do this. But I rejected this fostering/adopting idea from the start because I never truly wanted Owen to do this on his own, because I know it’s not what’s going to make him fully happy (proof of that is how happy he was when Amelia was there sharing everything with him).

 If there wasn’t an alternative, if I didn't like Amelia as a choice for him, I think I would be okay with the idea, but it’s always been clear to me that Amelia shares the same desire and goals as him. They have done this dance so many times, that I had allowed myself to hope that when they finally made it, they would be together doing it. So to have Owen decide to do this without Amelia just broke my heart. It became especially sour after Teddy’s pregnancy, because it felt like the show is just torturing us. Owen (and Amelia) wanted this so much and for so long, and they are finally getting to have it but in a totally f***ed up manner (fostered kids who aren’t going to be there for long, a child outside their relationship, etc). 

Having Owen foster a child and unknowingly lull Amelia back into the house also disappointed me because I expected the show to eventually dig into why the idea of being a mom is at the same time so appealing and so scary for Amelia. Like, truly do that.  They used Amelia’s tumor as a tool to justify her behavior, but the tumor didn’t erase or change her trauma or her feelings. They are still very much there (in the scene where she tells Owen about her son that becomes quite obvious) so I wished that the path the show had taken to get to this point wasn’t one where Owen adopted a child on his own and Amelia got involved later. They shouldn’t be skipping any steps. And I knew from the start that if the decision wasn’t mutual (either adopt a child together or conceive one) but they got together anyway, later on it could cause problems. When one of them said “Betty is mine and Leo is yours” or something similar, which at the time seemed innocent and cute, the idea behind it hit me hard, because there shouldn’t be a division of roles/responsibilities or sides to be taken. I thought that the same thing that lead the way for a reunion could also potentially be the source of a lot of friction. I wanted them on the same side, and not antagonizing each other. That added to my discontent with this story. 

But there are some other aspects too. If Owen had taken Leo in and Amelia hadn’t gotten involved, I doubt the experience would have felt as good to him as it did with her there. So parting ways with the baby might have been easier? I don't know. Hard to tell. But then again, maybe if it weren’t for Amelia, Betty (and her parents) would never be there either and by now, Owen could have adopted Leo. But I have a feeling that fatherhood wouldn’t have been as pleasing to Owen as it was with Leo without Amelia there. Because once she is there, the dream is complete. The family is formed. So it’s much easier to get attached, making it even harder to let go.

Ok, so along came Betty, and while the idea of a happy bubbly family seemed appealing to some at first, it felt very contrived to me. I understand why Amelia would want to help someone like Betty, but I remember saying this before: since Amelia still isn’t one hundred percent okay with her past, doing this had the potential to hurt her more than she realized. I understand the desire to help someone, especially if someone who is danger and very few people could help, but you can’t help someone at your own expense. There were lots of ways that Amelia could have gotten involved. The show could have had Amelia help Betty all the same without taking her home and acting like a mother to her. In some way, it even felt to me like maybe Amelia was punishing herself for what she did to her mother by putting herself in the exact same situation (hence why I think she is not 100% resolved with her past, she still needs to have some conversations, apologize to some, say her piece, forgive people too).  Do you know when someone you care about is about to do something they shouldn’t, and you know they are, but you can’t stop them? That’s how I felt watching Amelia (and Owen) in this situation. I knew Owen would get attached before eventually losing the baby, and he’d resent everyone for it. I knew Amelia would get too personally involved and project herself into Betty (which doesn’t help Betty or herself). So it’s not something I enjoyed seeing.

When this storyline first started, I had the feeling that it would take perhaps 4-5 episodes. And that by the time Betty and Leo left – and Owen got devastated – he’d learn about Teddy’s baby (which would serve as some kind of comfort) and the drama would be about him choosing to be with the woman he loves (Amelia) or choosing to maybe try and create with Teddy the situation he’d just started building with Amelia.

But for some reason, the show decided to leave Betty and Leo there, and put them in the central spotlight of Owen and Amelia’s relationship. Ever since these two got together, we have never been able to experience a prolonged period of time in which we could watch them functioning as a couple. Especially not when they were living together. I feel like I got robbed of that. The show cheated. I had to endure fast forwards on both times. And now that we are finally watching Owen and Amelia live together through the course of the season, it’s not the same, because by having Leo and Betty there, the dynamics are different. Owen and Amelia have another thing in common other than the feelings they have for each other. I have always wished for them to have kids, but you gotta have roots before branches you know? They needed more time to solidify themselves as a couple after the whole tumor/divorce mess, to acknowledge between themselves that the feelings and the entire foundation of their relationship/marriage was real and be convinced that they have what it takes to face the world, to actually see things coming their way and deal with them so that they knew their relationship can survive altercations (which honestly is something they hadn’t dealt with before, everything that seemed to torn them apart in the past). 

But Betty and Leo were there, fine, nothing I could do about it. And for 8 episodes, we got to see some cute Omelia moments, but also too many moments devoted to Betty and Leo that could have been used to make Owen and Amelia rediscover that what brought them together in the first place wasn’t the result of impulsive decisions, but rather the amazing depth of what they share.

And as things progressed and we got here, I watched on my screen a lot of absolutely unrealistic developments in one storyline alone. We’ve had a LOT of retcons and absurd things happening on the show ever since KV arrived (the explanation for Megan’s storyline, Jo’s abusive husband storyline, that intern getting a Swiss visa in one day, etc), and I know that TV shows don’t have to mirror life 100%, but to me, no storyline can beat Betty/Leo’s when it comes to disregarding real life completely. And that is another aspect of it that has nothing to do with Omelia, but really makes me reject the plot. I can take one or two things being inaccurate (as a doctor who watches the show, I constantly have to overlook inaccuracies, and that’s fine). But when they are excessive like this and change reality so much, it kind of makes me feel like the showrunners think I am an idiot. It becomes a fantasy series, not a drama series.

I honestly couldn’t list all the absurd and inconsistencies in this single storyline, but it’s hard to accept that Owen would so easily qualify as a foster parent, and that he’d get Leo in such a short notice. I have the feeling that when the writers had Betty tell her story last year, they genuinely meant for it to be as she told it. Which makes this whole “it turns out she was lying all the time” one of the worst retcons in the show. It put Betty in a situation where she went from lost teenager who instilled sympathy to psychopathic teenager who lied and felt no remorse even when she was sober and had more than enough time to consider the repercussions of her actions and witness the damage she could do to the people she was growing close to. I think if the show had left some hints, some traces for us to think that, hey, “perhaps Betty is lying” it would be easier to accept this twist in the story. But by rewriting everything she said, they just made her a lot harder to empathize to, and this whole storyline much harder to buy than it already was.

Because, really, am I supposed to believe that a 13 year old who got reported missing by her parents (they said they were looking for her) would give birth to a baby, provide for a baby in the streets, have the baby taken from her by a social worker, have the child put in the system, get “fostered” by an adult (who btw, wasn’t listed to be a foster parent to begin with), actually GET ENROLLED and attend a school, and not once in this whole process anyone would ever bother to check a list/description of missing children to find her parents/family? They would just take her word for it?  Am I supposed to believe that throughout this entire process, not once someone asked Betty to identify herself, and when she couldn’t (since she is using a fake name), the social workers wouldn’t bother checking for a matching description or picture of missing kids to at least contact her biological family? Betty wasn’t only a daughter, she was also a part of a community. She attended a school, played soccer. It’s hard to believe she would have just disappeared under everyone’s noses like that. It had been my understanding so far that Betty/Leo are only in the system because the authorities judged her family unfit to take care of her (and that they’d done it themselves after checking the facts) but after the bomb of Betty’s lie, I just came to the conclusion that this whole storyline is a series of rewritten, changed, modified absurds. 

[lamerv]

Breaking the Cycle

So.. Lately I've seen so many things, things around me but feels like unstoppable continuous found. I just realized there are a lot of disfunctional families happens within my friends and people I know.

A lot more than what I thought before.

Disfunctional one that feels like burn on Icarus' wings, that burns everything that it touch. I feel like having a flashback on each personas and and realizing how these unavoidable characters mindset and hearts grow throughout the time. Also the scars that probably won't be healed fully even though people say time cures everything.

The scars... That probably immeasurable and indescribable.

It's funny to think that maybe some of these people are popular for being socially unreasonable annoying and weird. Or maybe some are just extremely 'too good to be true' person outside the normal spectrum.

After hearing their own stories and their thoughts, how the people around them make them feel and how do they react.. I feel I finally have mind blowing realization that there are definitely valid reasons why they act or behave that way. What we see that only on the tip of the iceberg, probably will have the whole different story under the sea. We only see the iceberg, but we don't precisely know why the iceberg would exist. It's either because we don't know them good enough.. Or maybe it just they conceal it perfectly.

Watching how people act and behave, can totally have impression and judgement after hearing their past story or whatever things happened in their home now. Whether it's from the past, now, or even the future, they are all have impact and correlation into shaping what us now: about how we thought, feel, or take actions. Not to mention the root cause are never limited to be only coming from 1 thing.

I already know there a lot, a lot of things happen in society.

But I didn't expect I will see it so many in the people around me. And it was closer and crowded more than I thought.

The most scary part is, wounded people's most likely will hurt another people again hence create another wounded people again, either consciously or not.

Parents to their child, spouse to their partner, siblings to their siblings, or can be another. And it feels like... Unending cycle?

How will we end this cycle?

Will we realize what we truly are?

Will we able to identify all the root cause clearly?

Will we able to fully healed it before we past it into others?

Will it be fully healed ever?

Can we save or help everyone?

Can I save my dearest people around me?

Or can I even save myself?

But... sometimes I can only keep myself to not crying whenever I heard how hard my friend's life can be. They say they are ok now, but I know it probably still badly wounded deep inside without someone as their safe harbour.

They probably hurt others, but they also trying their best to defend their life.

They probably trying their best to avoid similar situation and hence create a big untouchable wall around their heart.

I... Barely have sympathy for the casual conversation every day, since I tend to keep my heart deep inside my pandora box.

But when we have some deep conversation.. I can't help to keep myself to not crying. I feel like I have some similarities with them so I can imagine their pain, but also I can imagine the pain that we've not shared.

Don't ask me how bad it is, because it feels like watching melancholic serial drama......... Except sometimes it including unsual civilian, like police, saman, saint, over powered people, and probably a real villain. And apparently those dramatic stories in film are really based on true stories, huh?

I am not God.

Yet I'm also not a Saint.

I also not a good people, not even a warm hearted friend.

I just some person who selfishly only think and pray for my benefits.

But I sincerely hope.. Hopefully even if we are alone, we will always find strength within ourselves and within our close people.

I hope we can finally find remedies in our endless journey.

I hope we can find peace, within ourselves and with all of them.. Even with people who hurt ourselves badly.

[hazel3017]

Hi Hazel :) First, I love your fics! I was wondering if you were planning on writing more for your First Omega In The NHL!Sid? (I was especially intrigued by the Seguin mention, and Sid going into battle for paternity rights). No pressure or expectations or anything, I just get so excited whenever you post fic that I'm always yearning for more. :)

Hi! Thank you so much, I’m glad you like my writing XDD Here’s Tyler’s 5 + 1 version of events.

1.

Tyler is fourteen the first time he gets pregnant.

His mother is the only one who knows, and that’s only because she was there at the abortion clinic with him, holding his hand even though she was tight-lipped and red-eyed from the tears she tried so hard to hold back.

Neither of them talks about it after.

**

It’s not the last time he’ll break his mother’s heart.

**

Tyler knows he wasn’t ready to become a dad back then. The abortion had been his idea, something he went to his mother and asked for.

For some reason, that’s the time he regrets the most.

2.

The second time he gets pregnant he’s just won the Cup with the Bruins and he’s pretending it’s his first pregnancy.

Tyler isn’t stupid—he’s not, no matter how much the Boston media likes to portray him as the party-happy dumb jock.

An accidental pregnancy is an accident, but only the first time. Twice is a pattern, always, when it comes to an omega. There are no coincidences, no second chances.

“You can’t play if you’re pregnant, Tyler,” they tell him. “You’re a talented player. It’d be a shame for you to sit on the side lines for a year. And who knows? It could be even longer.”

Maybe forever, they don’t say, even if that’s what an alpha always expects of an omega.

Get an omega with child and they’ll happily stay in the home.

Tyler hates the old saying, hates the innocuousness of it, as if it’s perfectly reasonable. As if all of his existence can be boiled down to his biological ability to carry children—as if that is the only thing he should aspire to. The only thing he’s good for.

Tyler doesn’t begrudge the omegas who do, those who are happy raising a family and being a homemaker. His mother is like that and she’s always been amazing. Always taken care of him when he’s needed her.

But Tyler is different. Tyer wants more. He doesn’t think that makes him a selfish person or a bad omega.

“You can’t play, Tyler,” they tell him, and “You’re a talented player,” and Tyler reads the subtext just fine.

He’s a talented player, but only for as long as he’s playing. He’s only worth something if he’s playing.  

“This is a card to a clinic downtown. They’re discreet, very good. We expect you to make the right choice, Tyler.”

Tyler accepts the card.

3.

The third is a miscarriage.

It happens over Christmas break, and this time, Tyler is old enough that he doesn’t need his mom with him when he drives himself to the ER.

It’s a complete miscarriage, the doctor tells him, and when she offers her condolences, saying, “I’m so sorry, Mr. Seguin,” Tyler shakes his head.

“I didn’t even know,” he says, and watches her frown sympathetically because she believes the lie. Of course she does—why would an omega lie about something like that?

Only Tyler does, because he’s been ignoring the nausea and the feet that was sore already. The memory of what had happened the last time he told his GM he was pregnant is so vivid in his mind, Tyler has kept it off for as long as possible, trying to buy himself some time to figure out what to do.

In the end, he does nothing.

He doesn’t need to.

4.

The fourth time he tells his team.

They’re in the middle of the playoffs, and they’re winning. It feels so much like the 2011 run when they won the Cup, and Tyler wants nothing more than to play, but he remembers the cramps of his miscarriage, of the bleeding that didn’t stop for days, and knows he has to tell.

The team doctors immediately put him on IR and says they won’t let him play as long as he’s pregnant. Tyler had expected it, but it still hurts.

Then his teammates find out and everything becomes so much worse.

He feels gutted by their collective disappointment in him, by the anger he sees in some of their faces when the find out he can’t play—when they find out why.

Tyler only told Marchy, and he knows Marchy didn’t mean to spill, but he’s never been good at keeping his mouth shut when he’s pissed off and three drinks short of drunk.

Marchy apologises after, he even means it, Tyler thinks, but by then the damage is already done.

Tyler has the abortion everybody wants him to have and is back in time for the final.

They lose in six.

**

An accidental pregnancy is an accident, but only the first time.

**

When the Bruins trade him in the summer, he’s unsurprised. He never told them about his miscarriage, but a second pregnancy was all they needed. Twice is a pattern, after all.  

5.

The fifth time, Tyler lets the baby’s father know.

He’s never told any of the fathers before, so he’s not exactly sure what he’s expecting. Yelling, maybe. Disappointment, definitely.

Jamie doesn’t yell, though. He doesn’t look particularly disappointed either. Instead, he looks cautiously optimistic.

“A baby, Ty? We’re having a baby?” Jamie asks, his voice so full of awe that Tyler can’t confuse it for anything else.

He smiles hesitantly when Jamie’s hands find his stomach. He seems so curious, obviously searching for sign of the child inside even if Tyler isn’t big enough to show yet.

“I guess? I mean, if you wanted to, we could probably do this somehow.”

“If I wanted to?” Jamie asks sharply. He tears his gaze away from Tyler’s stomach and looks up to meet his eyes instead. “You don’t want this baby?”

Tyler does want this baby. He wants it with Jamie, but Tyler is smart. He’s learnt from his past.

“I do,” he admits, and watches as Jamie relaxes. “But I’m an omega, Jamie. No team wants a pregnant omega on their roster. I’d have to miss a year at least, and there is no guarantee that I’d even be back after that. No GM wants to deal with that.”

And Jamie must read the truth in his face, because his mouth goes flat and his hands clench into tight fists over Tyler’s stomach. “We’ll think of something,” he says. “We’ll make it work. Jim will understand, Coach will—They traded for you, Ty! They wanted you here, they—”

“They want me as long as I can play,” Tyler finishes, because this is a truth he knows intimately. One he’s almost made his peace with, even.

Jamie draws in a shuddering breath. “We’ll make it work,” he says again, and when Tyler cups his face and brushes the tears escaping his eyes with his thumbs, Jamie leans into his hands.

“Okay,” Tyler says, and for one heart-stopping precious moment, he believes it.

**

He suffers through another miscarriage two days later.

Tyler cries into Jamie’s shoulder and thinks at least he didn’t have to find out just how much the Stars think he’s worth.

(He’s not sure he would have like the answer.)

**

+1.

“Sid is pregnant?” Tyler asks dumbly when Jamie tells him the news. “But he was just playing. They won the Cup for fuck’s sake! He was pregnant?”

Jamie nods, but he’s visibly as dumbfounded as Tyler is. “The press release says the doctors made an assessment and that he was cleared to play. He saw six different specialists, apparently.”

Tyler swallows around the lump in his throat. “What happens now? Is he just taking a year off?”

“Yeah. The Penguins are giving him a special leave of absence. They seem…they seem happy for him.”

Tyler is so stunned, he’s speechless. The concept of being able to take a year off to have a baby, to do it with the support of his team, is so foreign to him he doesn’t even know how to respond.

He heads out for a walk with the dogs just to clear his head, but he finds that he can’t let it go. He keeps thinking about it, about the baby Sid is going to have and the babies Tyler could have had already. He thinks about that first time, when he was fourteen and the choice to have an abortion was all his own.

He wonders if he jinxed himself somehow back then.

If all the religious fanatics are right and Tyler has been punished for his transgression ever since.

After three days of thinking about it, he calls Sid.

He tells him about the two abortions he had at the behest of the Bruins, and the miscarriage he suffered in Dallas due to the stress and fear of how management would react to the news. He keeps the first abortion and the first miscarriage to himself.

Sidney cries for him, and Tyler didn’t call to be pitied, didn’t call for sympathy, but he feels better all the same.

Less alone than before, because there are some things Jamie will never be able to understand no matter how hard he tries. He’s an alpha—he’ll never face the subtle and not so subtle discrimination that Tyler faces every day. The discrimination that every omega endures.

Tyler thinks about Sid and what he sacrificed to be able to play professional hockey, what he sacrificed for Tyler—and every other omega—to be able to play professional hockey, and feels so fucking grateful it’s all he can do not to sob hysterically.

When he gets off the phone, Tyler roots around in the bottom drawer of his nightstand for the pregnancy test he’s had hidden there for the last couple of weeks; he’s been too scared to even look at it.

When he waits for the result with Jamie resting on their bathroom floor next to him, it’s the first time Tyler takes a pregnancy test and doesn’t feel sad or terrified about what this could mean for his future.

Instead, the terror he feels when the test comes back positive is a breathless, anticipatory kind, tempered with joy and happiness because holy shit he’s having a baby—and this one he’s keeping.

#fic stuff #my fic #jamie/tyler #mpreg #abo verse #no alteration needed #Anonymous #tw: abortion #tw: miscarriage

[seventeendeer]

Heya, dfab anon here- I'd like to thank you for your advice, it was well thought out and I think I can figure out a way to make it work- but I feel that if I explicitly make her nonbinary, it would also give some negative representation because she has a mental disorder and high intelligence as well, and I feel that if I made her nonbinary it would make her a Mary-Sue. (Mattie Skye?) I'm still working it out but your input was great, and if you have any advice, feel free to answer me again!

I’m glad you found my answer useful!! Though here comes a little extra bit of advice based on this response, because there might be a few problems here.

First of all, making a character nonbinary should in no way contribute to any interpretation of suedom. The only way it could possibly fit within the standard idea of a mary sue is if we assume that “nonbinary” somehow means “special”, which it really shouldn’t. The idea that female and male are the default and nonbinary genders are somehow something “new” or “extra” is an extremely harmful notion that only further feeds into the damaging (and hugely incorrect) narrative of nonbinary people just being “special snowflakes” who want attention. Do not avoid creating characters from massively underrepresented social groups because of archaic notions of what’s “normal.” That is what would potentially be offensive.

Secondly, in my private writer opinion, what makes a character a “mary sue” in the first place has been greatly muddled over the years. Personally, I find the whole concept far more damaging than helpful, for three reasons:

In reality, a so-called “mary sue” is annoying not because she’s overpowered or a special snowflake or whatever, but because she hogs the attention of the narrative without giving anything back. Telling stories is about communicating a lesson or theme to your audience - the issue that may crop up around an overpowered character is that they solve the plot without going through the necessary character development that communicates the story’s message to your reader. People want to hear about unemployed single mother Betty McBadluck struggle through hardship after hardship until she finally lands a job that gives her both enough money and spare time to care for her child because they might be able to find inspiration and courage in the lessons that Betty learns along the way about staying strong and never giving up hope. Mary Sue spinning around in her CEO chair and buying jet planes for each of her 12 smart, successful children for 200k pages is grating because it doesn’t teach the reader anything. They have no reason to read about a person who doesn’t need to develop at all, because the majority of readers like stories because they have something important to teach them. This is why flawed characters are so great - they already come pre-packaged with issues they have to face. The idea that certain features like superpowers, high intelligence, wild hair or eye colors, or having six different love interests automatically makes a character repulsive makes zero sense. You can totally have a winged genius main character breathing fire out of her rainbow eyes and still have her be likable - just make sure that the story is about her overcoming all the little bumps in the road as she moves in with her six boyfriends and everything she learns about being a good person and partner, and not about how she effortlessly saves the world every week with her all-destroying unlimited lightning farts. 

These days, the concept of mary sues is primarily used to kill creativity in young/beginning writers and scare them into trying to fit a mold of “not too much.” In my experience, this results in stale characters that the writer won’t allow to be too much of anything out of fear that someone will call suedom on them, either for being too cool or too sympathy-demanding. Not only does this totally suck the fun out of casual writing that people do for fun, it also drives a lot of writers into giving their characters flaws that don’t gel with the narrative at all. Personally, I’m sick to death of female characters in mainstream media having to have goofy/awkward/”clumsy” sides to them in a transparent attempt to mark them as “clearly not mary sues.” Flaws exist to humanize characters and give them that internal struggle that should ideally drive the plot, not as something you quickly staple on to a character in a last-ditch effort to calm a potential angry audience.

There’s a reason you hear “mary sue” used way more often than “gary stu.” Female characters are criticized far more harshly for being powerful and unique than male characters are. This absolutely has its roots in the fact that we’re used to seeing male wish-fulfillment characters (think Tony Stark, The Doctor, James Bond, etc.), while female characters usually exist only in relation to male characters and not as wish-fulfillment of their own. I dislike referring to characters as “mary sues” - even ones that might fit the bill for bullet point 1 - because of its sexist connotations. On the subject of nonbinary characters, remember that nonbinary people have even less representation of wish-fulfillment than women do.

I’m not saying you absolutely have to make your character nonbinary if you don’t want to. I’m just saying to really thoroughly ask yourself why you won’t so you don’t make the decision based on bigotry and misinformation.

#Anonymous #thesketcherasks

[bloodandwinemuses]

The Hierophant: What is one rule or law your muse would never break? [I'm curious about this for all your muses, actually]

Nolan: 

Admittedly, there is no singular response to this in his case considering that his individual background vastly differs along with his respective goals. In his researcher verse, his wish to complete his parents’ life work is an amalgam of everything: an excuse used to run away, a sense of direction, and to rekindle memories of them in the process, however scarce his time spent alongside them might have been. Based on this, it is incredibly unlikely for him to prioritize people over his meticulous process of ensuring his parents won’t be forgotten. Being somebody who is most loyal to family regardless of a strained or a largely harmonic relationship, the aforementioned need to chase after ghosts equals not only a sense of direction, it likewise constitutes as the most essential - no exceptions. Naturally, he might indulge in the idea of settling down with somebody he is romantically interested in, but sooner or later Nolan showcases a tendency to repeat history: namely to shoulder his backpack and to walk the path anew. With this in mind, it is no surprise that while he is able to care deeply about others, Nolan will not place their needs or wants over what he must do. 

Or so he tells himself. In Truck’s particular case, for example, he somehow finds himself coming back - provided he can find him - for something really quite simple: company. Regardless, I don’t believe Nolan would be so foolish as to abandon everything he’s ever wanted. This is not a rule, per se, but it’s important to him as a character nevertheless. 

Alexander: 

I’ve posted his section separately. It can be found in his character development tag here. 

Espen: 

Although he is barely a month old - not even a month, actually - I have a feeling, whether premonition or something else entirely, that the only rule he’s really set for himself is to enjoy life freely. This, of course, comes at the expense of others ( which he is often not quite aware of, as his ability to emphasize with somebody else seems quite low) but it’s not borne out of purely selfish motivation either. As somebody whose childhood was unmistakably linked to death and, once a child who lost people dear to him in a string of unfortunate events, he’s really quite uncompromising about pursuing whatever pleasure he can get. Hell, his entire tattoo collection is a homage to that. I don’t think there’s anything he values more. At least not based on what I do know about him right now. 

All in all, it’s escapism. Where Alexander seeks to hide in fiction, behind a book or emulating a character from a play, Espen copes with his past by living without compromise, seeking distraction and gratification in materialistic things and moments rather than make believe worlds. Afraid, naturally, to let anything other than hedonistic endeavors mean anything lest it has the potential to hurt him. 

Lin: 

See, she is a hard one to narrow down, much less bind to one specific rule she would never break. First and foremost, she’s an opportunist, completely unperturbed by this fact. Sure, there’s duality to her personality, for she is not just this bitch or bully willing to fight dirty to remain in control, nor is she necessarily ravenous for power at the expense of all else. But she can be, to the point of where there’s little concern for her own well-being or that of others. It just matters that she gets what she wants ( which can be anything that’ll satiate her needs. She wants to mess with your mind because you insulted her pride? Well, too bad, because that’s exactly what she will do until she’s achieved what she has set her mind to, and don’t you think she isn’t efficient at what she does. This is somebody who has had to fight in every verse to get to where she is, to become the woman many respect, yet avoid on more intimate terms. )

And yet, there certainly are maternal aspects about her: the family away from home at the shop, all of whom are misfits in their own right. Surely, Avery wouldn’t have been given a chance by anybody else, what with the cantankerous demeanor he cultivates and the not so infrequent, obscene slips of the tongue. But she saw potential in this asshole and took him in, even though there was hardly anything for her to gain at the time. It is true, all vices notwithstanding, that she has an eye for talent, no matter if society would much rather not deal with the likes of them. Perhaps this is ultimately borne out of her wanting to prevent others from feeling the way she did as a wee lass - powerless, helpless - so, for all her adversarial tendencies, she is not without principles. It begs the question of whether or not she would put this instinct, this wish for kindness and the willingness to extend it ( however particular her brand of benevolence might be) above her need for control and the feeling of being on top to fuel her spirits, which she would not. Her pride always comes first, and it is a rule of sorts - for her - to guard what she’s accomplished with whatever methods she sees fit. Of course, her animosity towards others borders on the ridiculous sometimes, and her ability to suspect others of making her look like a fool ( or a stupid girl) has been really quite amplified by the amount of dim-witted assholes and teeth she’s had to pull out. 

Besides, she wouldn’t know what to do with kindness - genuine, of the altruistic kind - if it hit her square in the face. 

Avery: 

I’ve said it times and times again; I will never tire of repeating it: Avery is a good person, but not a nice one at that. See, it would take paragraphs to really drive home the point of how important it is for him to feel safe and secure - moreso than anything else. His childhood and consecutive years have wired his mind to always be in a state of alarm, to feel as if there’s danger just round the corner. As such, his own experiences and environment have instilled in him a deeply-rooted fear of people, leading him to mask his anxiety as blatant, raw aggression. More often than not, he is likened to an animal being backed into a corner - and not without reason. 

Simultaneously, the one rule he would never break is his own sense of morality. He will never look away when another person is harmed,picked on, ridiculed or in a situation in which they’re obviously at a disadvantage - his own safety be damned. He’s tiny, yes, but he didn’t survive simply by taking on dodgy jobs. Underestimating him is about the last thing you should do. 

Sím: 

Sím is a gentle, soft-spoken soul in spite of toxic environmental factors which could’ve contributed to his resorting to defense mechanisms and coping styles which certainly wouldn’t earn him any cookie points. What is essential to understand here, however, is the fact that he still indulges in extremely unhealthy habits and mechanisms that are ultimately destructive. He has this stupid self-sacrificing tendency to the point of where he disregards his own needs completely, getting involved in affairs that are really none of his business. In the best of times, he will drop it, yet more often than not he can’t help himself. It’s an ever present, consuming need to be needed by others. 

He is not without flaws however, which come in a variety of selfish indulgences Sím is not proud of. What ultimately is a rule a rule breaker like him would never break, is his insatiable want to help, even if it might be a fool’s errand. (E.g. letting an abrasive asshole into his life out of sheer sympathy and shared shitty backgrounds…when you can barely manage to be a responsible dad…because of your damn questionable decisions. Smh.) 

Zacharie: 

He’s an egomaniac asshole with no concept of morality. He’s a god damn hedonist who’ll try to get his greedy little hands on anything he wants, all previously held beliefs be damned. In short, he’s malleable, which is highly dependent on what he’s currently pursuing. You just can’t know if there is really anything, like a law or rule, that he will not break under any circumstances. Because he lies through his teeth without breaking a sweat or even the faintest twinge of a bad conscience, ready to tell you whatever you want to hear. 

#eilidhink #chardev;Lin #chardev;Zacharie #chardev;Espen #chardev;Avery #chardev;Nolan #asks;Lin #asks;Zacharie #asks;Espen #asks;Avery #asks;Alexander #what's there sleeping amidst the queue?

[scriptflorist]

Hello! I'm writing a post-apocalyptic story in which a whole lot of the earth has been burnt and a lot of chemicals have leaked into the ground, but is starting to recover. That being said, what are some plants that can survive in fairly acidic soil, but with enough water? Also, what flowers are strong (I mean roots-wise, they have a pretty firm grip on the soil) and mean good, hope, light; and others that mean sorrow, pain, loss? The soil for these isn't too acidic. Have a good day! :)

Hi there!

To clarify this, for plants generally acidic soil is defined by a pH under 7.0, and a lot of plants actually do grow in acidic soil. Your characters could even grow vegetables, though I would not particularly recommend it in their environment, but we’ll get to that in time.Soil pH is how we measure a soils acidity or alkalinity on a scale from -1 to 14 where 7 is neutral, all above is alkaline and all below is acidic. There are several fairly easy ways to test the pH-number of soil that your characters should be able to perform still. It might even be a common practice to first test the soil so they will know what to plant, as the pH-number affects the plant’s nutrition intake as it affects their chemical forms. Aluminium (pH lower than 5.2) and magnesium (pH 5.6 and lower) toxicity become a problem, especially aluminium is terribly damaging as it affects root growth and building, and the uptake and transport of valuable nutrients within the roots.

While magnesium toxicity does show in crinkled and cupped leaves, magnesium remains one the plants needed nutrients which makes this condition treatable with care and time.

Naturally acidic soils are likely to be high in iron, zinc, magnesium, copper and cobalt, other than that it also affects the availability of phosphorus, which is only properly available on a scale from 6 to 7.5 pH. To avoid most nutrient deficiencies the soil’s pH should range between 5.5 and 6.5.

Plants that grow well in acidic soil:

Trees: red maple, dogwood, magnolia, crabapple, Norway spruce, Colorado blue spruce, pine, beech, willow oak and oaks in general

Shrubs: ruby Chinese fringe flower, summersweet, gardenia, hydrangea (they will largely be blue, acidic soil is the only way to get that colour, depends on the type though, it doesn’t apply to oakleaf hydrangea for example), holly, common & creeping juniper, azalea and rhododendron, fothergilla, heath, viburnum

Flowers: pachysandra, Japanese iris, trillium, begonia, caladium, camellia, foxglove, bleeding heart

Fern

Now I’ve mentioned it before, I wouldn’t recommend your characters to actually grow vegetables (also fruits!), even though it’s doable and you’ll get a list for them to choose from. There’s a very simple reason for that: If it’s in the ground, chances are it ends up in the groundwater and that’s a huge no-no. It’s why you burn a virus ridden plant because you can’t vaccinate it because nobody wants to drink that or bathe in it. (And makes up a small but very important section of the rules of working with pesticides.) Given that the catastrophe already happened in your world, chances are a couple pesticides won’t be your characters main concern since the soil is contaminated, to begin with, but they will have to deal with the fact that they practically can’t eat anything they’ve grown until proven harmless. On top of worrying about whatever’s in the water if they haven’t solved that problem already.

Edibles that grow in acidic soil:

Vegetables: (sweet) potato, apple, carrot, cauliflower, cucumber, eggplant, radicchio, rhubarb, turnip, beans, broccoli, cabbage, onion

Fruits & Berries: blueberry, strawberry, cranberry, raspberry, blackberry, corn, melon, pumpkin, squash, tomato, currant, elderberry, gooseberry, grapes

Herbs: parsley, basil, chervil, dill, garlic, pepper, sorrel

As for the roots, you would want deep-rooted plants, like roses, unlike most plants their roots grow straight down and not as much to the sides. You will also want trees and shrubs and a lot of them, especially trees, for your world since a tree’s roots are basically twice the length of what you see above the earth. Dry, sparse or extremely wet soil can make shrubs and trees grow deeper roots. There’s a lot of different types of roots and they are all influenced by the type of soil and the plants living conditions. Per se there is no such thing as weak roots as long as the plant is kept in proper living conditions, only when the soil doesn’t provide proper nutrition or something else keeps their growth stunted is when they weaken.

flowers meaning hope (ask)

flowers meaning sorrow (ask)

aloe – bitterness, pain, sorrow, grief, but also religious superstition

asphodel – regret, my regrets follow you to the grave

goosefoot – goodness

leaves (dead) – death, sadness, melancholy

marigold – cruelty, grief, chagrin pain, trouble, inquietude, contempt, pretty love, sacred affection, caress sorrow (and that is what happens when people decide to change meanings, overall grief is the most agreed upon)

mercury – goodness

mulberry (white) – good nature or take courage

strawberries – goodness, perfection, perfect goodness or excellence

wormwood – absence

southernwood – pain, but also jest, bantering

zinnia – absence, I mourn your absence, thoughts of absent friends

zinnia (white) – goodness

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any flowers meaning light or loss. Usually, people will associate flowers with loss because they have become common in sympathy arrangements, like white lilies. This ask about sympathy arrangements might also help you with that.

- Mod Jana

Disclaimer

Sources:

https://www.hunker.com/12332727/list-of-plants-for-acidic-soil

http://www.harvesttotable.com/2013/12/vegetable-crop-soil-ph-tolerances/

http://www.offthegridnews.com/survival-gardening-2/25-fruits-and-vegetables-to-grow-in-acidic-soil/

https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/garden-how-to/soil-fertilizers/acid-loving-plants.htm

http://homeguides.sfgate.com/flowers-grow-acidic-soil-39857.html

https://www.thespruce.com/acid-loving-plants-2132427

http://homeguides.sfgate.com/grow-strong-root-systems-23697.html

http://homeguides.sfgate.com/small-bushes-deep-roots-33463.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soil_pH

#flower language #writing advice #soil ph #victorian flower language #roots and rooting #roots #hope #sorrow #good #pain #loss #mod jana #ask answered #long post #Anonymous