#and the way fundy talks about women like 'girls' that he struggles to get | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blocksandbloops · 3 years

Text

May I interest you in some fem!hermit!Tommy fluff for you in this trying time?

This is set in an alternative version of @redorich 's hermit!Tommy AU. Diverging from the Dream SMP's raid on Hermitcraft. All you need to know is that family trees are convoluted, Tommy's name is Clementine. She's trans, we love her, she has wings and has adopted Grian as her weird almost twin brother.

After the whole "Dreamon" and "invasion" mess the Dream SMP folk didn't expect to hear much from the hermits besides the ones who attended MCC. They thought that the two servers would just continue to exist, independent of one another. Just drifting through the void mere inches apart but never really touching.

Oh how wrong they were.

The hermits were friendly but they had absolutely underestimated just how friendly.

Apparently, the moment Clementine so much as breathed a word about how much she missed her biological family, Scar -ever the kind and helpful mayor that he was- decided to throw a beach party!

Since Clemmy's extended family was pretty large and they didn't want anyone to feel left out, it was an open invitation to everyone on the Dream SMP as long as they behaved.

That point was driven home when a few people, like Antfrost and his unhealed, dog bitten asscheek, mentioned how upsetting the Hermits was definitely not a good idea.

(Deep down they knew that the reason they were really doing this was because the hermits were worried about them. The Dream SMP was just a bunch of traumatized children according to them. They weren't wrong in that assumption but no one wanted to admit that.)

So, when the day of the beach party finally dawned, they all put on their least threatening outfits and packed up their supplies, (where Tubbo got the surf board nobody wanted to question) and entered the portal just like they had done a few months prior.

A few things were different though, the sun was bright and beaming in the sky, soft puffy white clouds rolled by, only promising gentle shade instead of the dreary air of yesteryear.

The shopping district had been rebuilt from it's smoky ruins and they finally all had time to appreciate the lovingly built shops and roads. It looked so beautiful and vibrant, you could practically feel the fact that summer was in full swing.

The smell of nectar and sea salt drifted through the air, sweetening even the sourest of moods. This is what peace was to the hermits. This was their everyday. They were so lucky and they didn't even realize it.

Some people were taking notes of all the different building styles with bright eyes, hoping to replicate some of it when they got home, others were suddenly hit with a feeling of bitter inadequacy of it compared to their homes. Is this what a world without war could look like?

But, no matter the gloomy musings of the few, they were all here to let go for a day! To celebrate the good times and to kick back for seemingly the first time in forever.

Their welcome party this time simply consisted of one person.

It was a strange sight, seeing the Hermits' admin Xisuma without a mask on, wearing a god awful hawaiian shirt that Keralis had thrown at him with glee the moment he mentioned that he didn't have something to wear, and again, were those, gods forbid crocks?

"'Ello everyone! Wow this is quite the turn up. Scar wished he could be here to greet you all personally, but he's still too busy helping the others preparing for the barbecue, so you're stuck with me for the time being.

Now, if you'll kindly follow me, we set everything up pretty close to here, so we'll be there in a minute."

The walk over to the beach was short, but just as scenic as the rest of the server.

Warm, golden sand, gently lapping waves and lush plant life. The sound of the hermits' laughter and soft music filled the air as the smell of the previously mentioned barbecue proved a welcome distraction from whatever the hell was happening on the far right side of the beach (the ZIT trio built a karaoke machine. It was Zedaph's idea. It was also a horrible idea but they didn't seem to realize that yet.)

As they began to debate a plan of attack, no wait. ... fun? enjoyment? eh whatever.

A tall man jogged up to the group. Some people recognized him as Mumbo Jumbo, that one british guy with the mustache. Others, however, as that semi-scary redstone wizard who managed to create extremely powerful potion launchers during the invasion.

He was dressed just as down to earth as the others, holding a tall glass of lemonade in his hand and wearing a (quite goofy) sunhat he borrowed from Ren.

He was explaining something to X in hushed tones (something or other about a minor fire at the barbecue table?) When he looked past the gathering of guests and out towards the path that they had come from, and screeched.

"GRIAN PLEASE I'M HOLDING LEMONADE DON'T!" X reached over and grabbed the glass from his hands just in time for a cackling, feathered ball of something to crash into Mumbo, knocking him into the water with an audible "oof".

There was wild thrashing as the two tried to orient themselves, Grian somehow climbing onto Mumbo's back.

"CLEMMY! COME HELP ME DROWN MUMBO!" Grian waved towards a cluster of trees to their left, underneath which a small gathering of hermits was enjoying a bit of a reprieve from the sun.

"NOT YOU TOO!" came the mustachioed man's scream of distress.

Clementine, the whole terrifying six feet and three inches of a woman that she was, took off running to the water at full tilt towards the struggling brits.

Mumbo, having already formed a strategy in his head, did a perfect T-pose and feel backwards into the water, bringing down a screaming Grian with him. Clementine did a graceful swan dive into the water (how she executed that shall be left for viewer interpretation) and happily joined the fray, even the distressed calls of Stress behind her because "Gods damn it Clemmy! I spent an hour on your hair! And now it's ruined!" couldn't persuade her to give up on her mission to cause as much friendly chaos as possible.

She climbed out of the water a few minutes later, her hair a mess and a bright smile on her face.

"Techie! Wilby! Tubbo! Thank you guys so much for coming! I'm really glad that you could make it." She hugged them each close, enjoying the comfort of having them all together again.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Techno relaxed his posture, trying not to fidget too much. He was getting better with crowds but it was still a lot.

"You may think he's joking but he literally dragged Quackity all the way to the portal because he was too busy doing his eyeliner and would've made us late." Wilbur snickered when she leaned in to hug him, earnings him one of her patented ear-splitting laughs.

"I got a recording of it!" Tubbo proudly announced, pulling out his video camera

while still holding an arm around her.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! LET ME HAVE SOME DIGNITY MAN!" The aforementioned Mr. Fattest Ass in the cabinet screamed indignantly as soon as he got within hearing range.

"Quackity you never had any dignity. It's too late for that." Techno flicked the duck shapeshifter on the head, earning him even more annoyed rambling which he just chose to ignore.

"Well, I'm glad that that's settled, now, I have some people I'd like for you to meet."

She directed them towards the group sitting in the shade, which consisted of False, (a now soaking wet) Grian, Stess, Mumbo (who also looked like a disgruntled cat that was just given a bath), Iskall and Ren.

Meanwhile Doc and Cleo had a little cornered off area they'd nicknamed the "cool kids club" (it was because around this time the sun got strong enough to actually burn her and Doc just felt slightly iffy about the water, since he was, ya know, half robot.)

Clemmy threw herself down on a blanket in front of a grumbling Stress who set about actually making her hair look presentable.

Niki sat down next to them and began discussing the merits of different styles to put Clemmy's hair into.

Ranboo sheepishly sat down next to Cleo's lawn chair folding all of his gangly limbs under himself.

Wilbur happily plopped himself down next to Ren on a blanket and began to hum along to the other's guitar.

Techno lay dow his cape, deciding that a nap was the best course of action in that moment.

Fundy hesitated for a second before going down to the shore to relax and just put his feet in the water for now.

Philza, the awkward dad that he was, chose to sit down close enough to the girls that he'd be able to hear what they were talking about without intruding.

Tubbo placed his stuff down by Clemmy's feet and ran out to the shore with his surf board in hand.

Going through so many conflicts in such a short amount of time really tires a person out, especially ones as young as the ones from the SMP so getting this afternoon of rest truly helped ease some of the stress given to them by recent events.

(Beach episode pog?)

Of course, this little get together wasn't without it's faults. About two hours in Doc accidentally trampled False's sand castle, who in retaliation teamed up with Cleo to dump water on him while he was relaxing.

This little conflict evolved into a battle to see who could build the biggest and grandest sand castle between "Team Himbo" and "Team Women" (one of those was coined by Clemmy). Puffy and Stress set up a good system of transporting sand from point A to point B, allowing them to move faster. False got placed on detailing duty while Niki brought refreshments for the rest of the team. Alyssa was mostly helping out wherever she could, as Cleo worked her armour stand magic to make their castle feel even more alive.

Clemmy just shouted encouragements and bullied the opposing team.

(The member list of Team Himbo has been redacted to avoid any drama about who might qualify as a himbo in the given circumstances)

Somehow the guys managed to convince Techno to join them, which immediately stacked odds in their favor to which Eret and Iskall, being the non-binary legends they are, decided to side with Team Women, now renamed to "Team Prettier Than You".

Their building contest laated for another hour before X decided to try to stop them (it wasn't because of the time. It was because TFC and Grian started shouting things about structural integrity and adding stone parts to the walls and the contestants actually listened when he decided that it was getting out of hand.)

Then it was time to actually enjoy the barbecue. Techno surprised everyone with how delicious his baked potatoes ended up. Beef also got to flex his skills a little with, as you guessed it, beef.

Tubbo and Tango sadly had to eat further away then everyone because the moment they got within ten feet of the fire something mysteriously combusted.

After that, the ZIT trio busted out the karaoke machine and the night went from good to great.

The old Team Star was dared to sing a rendition of Hermit Gang and everyone younger than 25 felt physical distress during some parts.

The sleepy bois (+Tubbo) sang a cover of "Your new boyfriend" (Techno got surprisingly into it) and then Wilbur swiped Ren's guitar to sing some Taylor Swift songs (accompanied by Tubbo on a synth he seemingly pulled out of nowhere) in that one weird accent he can do which had most people wheezing on the floor from laughter after the first song.

Niki threw down a german cover of Say So by Doja Cat. Grian, Phil and Tommy were unconsciously doing the parrot dancing thing. It was great.

Quackity sang something in spanish and Karl and Sapnap made over exaggerated swooning noises.

Skeppy and Bad did a duet. It was as adorable as it sounds.

Some other people also came on stage, belting out songs in such horridly broken voices that I'll spare you the details. Let's just say, nails scratching chalkboards would sound better.

And that was most of the festivities over with.

The last thing on the agenda? A meteor shower. How did they set it up? Clemmy's weird star child thing. The aforementioned girl was huddled close together with her family as they watched the comets streak across the clear sky (all electronics and artificial lights were shut off for the night) and Melohi played from a jukebox in the corner.

Fundy was laying his head in Dream's lap, the other boy was softly threading his fingers through his almost fiance's orange hair while leaning heavily on George and trying not to let sleep claim him as it had the fox (no one knew how this happened, all they were aware of is that the three had disappeared sometime during the sand castle contest only to reemerge having finally talked things through and come to an agreement that they all seemed happy with).

Ranboo, Niki, Puffy and Eret were collapsed in a happy pile just vibing.

The sleepy bois, who were for once actually sleepy, all wore matching flower crowns braided together by Stress's experienced fingers (and Wilbur's rather clumsy ones). Phil and her had managed to come to an agreement of unofficial joint custody after he witnessed Techno embarrassedly lean down to let her place a crown of golden flowers upon his head and saw his internal beam of pride when she called him "handsome".

The boys never really had a mother he mused, maybe she could teach them kindness where he couldn't.

Another surprise addition to the family was the owner of the third pair of wings in the cuddle pile. Phil didn't expect to end up with any more children at this point in his life, but Grain and Clemmy were practically attached at the hip and it felt wrong to even think about separating them.

He only hoped that those two wouldn't cause too much chaos especially when teamed up with Tubbo.

In the end, everyone drifted off to sleep, one by one they closed their eyes on their most perfect day. Praying for whatever might be out there, that they'll have many more moments just like this.

Well,

almost everyone.

Callahan chuckled as he walked back up to his spot with Alyssa farther away from the others. shutting off his camera after cycling through the pictures he took of everyone looking goofy while sleeping (His favorite is the one where Clemmy was very visibly munching on Techno's hair). He may not use those as blackmail but he sure ass hell was going to tease them about it later. He fell asleep there on that hill, drifting off to comforting rest like the others.

After that? Life moved on.

It was chaotic sure, and not perfect.

But it was theirs. They grew up slowly, learning to be kind to one another, how to grow with one another.

Life wasn't always perfect but hey, they had each other. And in the end? That's all that mattered.

#mcyt #dream smp #long post #i am not tagging them all #hermitcraft #lesbianinnit #sleepyblr #sleepyboys inc #hermit!tommy au #fluff #dream smp fanfiction #hermitcraft fanfiction #fanfiction #sleepyboys centric #other people are mentioned tho #trans!tommyinnit #mtf!Tommyinnit

126 notes · View notes

pertinax--loculos · 4 years

Text

[WIP Introduction: Hellbent]

Finally! Just one thing to note: I’m struggling with terminology, so a lot of the words I use in this intro are subject to change.

Working Title: Hellbent

Status: planning/first draft

POV: close third limited (alternating)

Synopsis:

Raleigh Lukas’s life is privileged, predictable, and placid. As a member of the Church, he knows exactly what comes next; he’ll finish college, marry his girlfriend, Kennedy, and have kids. Probably a few of them, to satisfy the Church’s requirements that the true humans increase their numbers.

Dash is homeless, hopeless, and haunted by his past. He’d be happy to just numb himself with drugs and let life pass him by, except that his friend-with-benefits Alec is obsessed with the Partners, an underground movement that supports the brainbent - humans born with extraordinary mental abilities. Whilst most of the brainbent are imprisoned, in hiding, or dead, a small handful work alongside sympathetic humans to overthrow the Church’s stranglehold on the upper echelons of society.

A chance meeting of these two very different lives leads to a tentative friendship that is challenged by the arrival of someone claiming to be the nigh-mythical Dantalion - a figure of brainbent legend, said to be powerful enough to turn the tide of the nascent resistance. It’s a bold claim, and one that Dash dismisses with a certainty that only makes Raleigh more curious about his mysterious past.

As tensions rise Raleigh finds himself in the middle of a struggle he didn’t want any part of - drawn on one side to his family, friends, and blind belief, and on the other to a movement with principles that just keep making more and more sense - and the broken addict who makes him question everything he thought he knew.

Criminally expository excerpt under the cut. Brief character intro masterpost to follow.

[Excerpt]

“So what’s a Dantalion?”

Dash snorted. “It’s nothing. It’s a myth.”

“Well, tell me the myth then. I’ve heard you and Alec talking about it…” Raleigh trailed off as Dash cut his eyes to him. He felt heat start to spread across his cheekbones. “Sorry.”

Dash huffed, shifting a little against the wall. “S’alright. Doubt you’re gonna overhear anything worse than what you already have.” He quirked an eyebrow at him, just slightly, and Raleigh felt the heat in his face intensify. “Thought you would’ve learned not to eavesdrop.”

“It wasn’t on purpose!” The protest was probably a little too strident; Raleigh looked down in the vain hope of hiding his embarrassment.

Dash just chuckled, leaning forward to swipe his cigarettes off the table. “You really wanna know?”

Raleigh nodded, looking back at him. “I’m curious.”

“Alright then.” Dash paused, took a long drag, then nodded slightly. “So, I know that your cult has been feeding you lies for your entire life, but to really understand, you have to realise that that’s what they are – lies. The vast majority of people that are brainbent, as you put it, are telekinetic, prophecisors, or empaths. Telepaths are exceedingly rare, and manips – short for manipulators, those who can control minds – are even rarer. It’s statistically probable that you’ll go through your entire life without ever meeting a telepath, let alone a manip.” He glanced down as he tapped ash off the end of his cigarette. “Even if you live a life like me, where you’re not actively avoiding them.

“So not only are manips rare, but for most of the ones that do exist, their abilities have been insanely overblown. Even the term ‘manipulator’ is a bit of a misnomer; they don’t so much overtly manipulate as kinda nudge you in a certain direction. Like, if you were on a train, a manip could get you to get off at any station they chose, but they wouldn’t be able to get you on the train in the first place, not unless you were already planning to do it. As far as getting you to kill yourself or something drastic, it’s completely out of the question. A manip could come in here and tell you to go jump off a cliff, but you wouldn’t do it. It’s more like influencing, not outright control.”

“For most of them.” Raleigh hadn’t missed that little tidbit.

The corner of Dash’s mouth quirked up. “For most of them. There are manips that are more powerful. That’s where most of your stories come from. Those manips can – or could – get you to do whatever they wanted. Your classic mind control, if you like. They say walk, you walk. They say jump, you jump. They say go stand in front of that train…” He shrugged, taking another drag. “You’re a stain on the tracks.

“Now, two of these… Coercers, they were called, were really well known during the War. Married couple, Michael and Sarah Johns. They had a child together. Mind manipulation is actually a recessive trait, same as telepathy – that’s part of the reason they’re so rare. No matter what your cult may have you believe, the brainbent really aren’t that big on eugenics, so it wasn’t like telepaths only married telepaths or whatever. The fact that Michael and Sarah were together was mostly just luck – they just happened to both be Coercers. I assume you know how genetics work?”

Raleigh frowned a little, trying to recall his high school biology classes. “For a recessive trait to be present in the child, it has to be present in both parents, right?”

“Right. Like blue eyes.” Dash grinned, tilting his head so his eyes caught the light. Raleigh had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself reacting. They really were very blue. “And if the parent has one dominant allele and one recessive, they’ll exhibit the dominant trait – I could’ve had one parent with brown eyes and still ended up with blue. You need two recessive alleles to exhibit the recessive trait.

“Upshot being, the kid was gonna be a Coercer. If one of the parents had been telekinetic, there was a chance it wouldn’t happen, but it was guaranteed with two Coercer parents.

“Anyway, Sarah and Michael were killed towards the end of the War. I don’t really know the details, just that it was a bomb. Blew up the whole building. And this is where the myth comes in – some people, especially a lot of the Partners, believe that the kid survived. They think he was taken in by some fundie family, and raised without knowing about his past. So they think that kid’s out there, either unaware of who he is and his abilities, or hiding for whatever reason. They wanna find him, get him onside, use him as a weapon or whatever.” Dash shrugged again, carefully crushing his cigarette out on the floor beside him.

Raleigh waited a few moments, but it seemed although that was the end of the story. He cocked his head to the side a little, narrowing his eyes in thought. “But, then… isn’t it possible? That he is actually alive, I mean?”

Dash arched an eyebrow at him. “You tell me. You think a fundie family would be willing to take in some brainbent trash? What for?”

Raleigh shifted uncomfortably. If Dash really wasn’t aware of this, being the person to enlighten him wasn’t a pleasant prospect. “Well… I mean, um, I heard, or I know, that after the War, instead of sending young kids to prison, there was a program, which had families take them in, foster them basically, in the hope that they could be… re-educated, I guess, that being raised in the- in a different environment might help to, y’know… suppress the… abilities, I guess.”

Dash’s gaze was steady, a smirk playing over his lips. “Oh yeah? And how’d that work out?”

“Well… not great, from what I’ve heard. They discovered it was, uh, more innate than they originally thought. Weren’t able to stop the, uh, abilities from manifesting.”

“Exactly.” Dash leaned forward a little, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, if the kid survived – and, recall, that requires him to either a, survive a bombing that killed his parents, or two, be forcibly taken away from his parents, both of whom could control fucking minds – he’d be in Carcerum. I mean, I’m of the opinion that he died with his parents, but hell, what would I know?” He sat back again, rolling his eyes a little.

When he put it like that, Raleigh had to admit that it seemed improbable at best. And he was right; even if, by some miracle, the child had survived the murder of his parents, odds were that he’d just ended up imprisoned.

“So then, why do so many people believe that he’s out there?” he said eventually.

Dash shrugged, nonchalant. “Why do people believe in God? They’ve gotta have faith in something, no matter how improbable.”

Raleigh winced, but only a little. He was getting more accustomed to Dash’s lack of faith and casual blasphemy, but comparing some brainbent myth to God was still a little disconcerting.

Rolling the story over in his head again, another question occurred to him. “So why’s he called Dantalion? Was that his name, or…?”

A small line appeared between Dash’s eyebrows. “I actually have no idea. I don’t even know if the kid was a boy or a girl, actually – I don’t think there’s any proof either way, it was Wartime and not a lot of stuff got documented.” He raised a hand to his mouth, chewing on a nail as he thought. “Most likely it’s just a name someone invented and it caught on. I mean, it’s a bit too perfect, isn’t it? A demon against the followers of God, and he ‘reaches in and changes the thoughts of everyone’ or whatever it is.”

“‘For he knoweth the thoughts of all men and women, and can change them at his will’,” Raleigh murmured. For some reason that line had stuck in his head; it was part of what had made him so curious about Dantalion in the first place.

Dash raised an eyebrow at him. “Done your research, huh?”

Raleigh glanced down. “I looked it up after I heard Alec mention it the first time. It made an impression.”

Dash snorted again, stretching his arms out in front of him and then rolling to his feet. “Well, now you know. Don’t worry about it too much. It’s a myth. It helps some of the Partners get through their day. That’s all there is to it.” He stretched a hand down to Raleigh. “C’mon, let’s go get something to eat.”

#writeblr #writing #WIP intro #WIP introduction #WIP: Hellbent #OC:Dash #OC:Raleigh #good god i really suck at being succint

16 notes · View notes

keepingupwithfundies · 6 years

Text

Pickle’s “Sam’s” Q&A

Take it with a huge grain of salt please!! We know nothing about the validity of that person. (Annie)

"Why do you believe Jana hasn’t been married off yet? When will her time come?”

I think she hasn’t been married because she hasn’t wanted to yet. To a degree, I think some of the kids have autonomy and choices as far as their spouses are concerned (more so the boys than the girls, but still). Jana’s always been super needed at home, and I think she might prioritize that over marriage (can you imagine the family without her?).

“Lets talk about Amy and her mom Deanna. Did Amy use the Duggar name? When did her folks get married? Are they still together? Is Deanna in the “cult”?? Does she go to whatever church JimBob is fronting??”

Amy wasn’t around a whole lot that I remember in the years I was attending the church. She did go by Duggar. I knew even less of Deanna, but while they’re Christians, they’re not the same brand as the Duggars and don’t follow all (if even many) of the same beliefs. Less conservative and all that. To my knowledge, at least back then, they didn’t attend the church unless they were visiting.

“Was all the strife between the Holts and Duggars about Josh? Did those in the church take sides? How much did the Duggars keep in contact with former church members? And lastly, were a lot of other church members believers in Gothard as well?”

I think it was partly about Josh, partly because Jim Holt and Jim Bob had a power struggle. The church did take sides, and families chose leaders. The Holts started having separate services at their home. The Duggars kept in semi-contact, and I think despite the rift they still attempted to maintain some kind of friendship. But it was never the same. Almost all, if not all, of the other church members were pretty staunch Gothardites, following his material and teachings and attending Gothard seminars, reading books by him and his people.

“Did you see any personality changes back then once the girls “learned” what happened to them and do they fully understand what happened or was it sugar coated?”

I was young at the time, and didn’t fully understand what was going on until later—couldn’t make sense of what I saw and heard at the time. I think it was heavily sugar coated, for sure, but the girls knew what was happening was at least violating. I remember seeing them sobbing for seemingly no reason, being upset around Josh, etc.

“How much parenting did Michelle do during that time? Did you ever see her break her voice/tone from her soft sweet stuff she shows the cameras? Were the boys ever expected to do things around the house?”

Let me put it this way: children in that church took care of the other children, even if they weren’t in the same family. If there was a baby who needed to eat and didn’t have a spare sibling, someone else’s older (female) child was expected to step in and help out. Changing diapers, feeding, general babysitting, the works. I never saw her break her tone…that was the way she talked all the time. The boys had general chores just like the boys, not that they ever got done. The bathrooms and kitchen and living areas were always disgusting.

“Is there a fundy underground, however small?”

Not that I know of. I’m only aware of myself and a small handful of others that have gotten out. In general, if you were born and raised in it, you kinda stick in it. It’s safer that way.

“I would like to know why no one has a job?”

Self employment was extremely encouraged, even expected. I’m not sure why? College educations, particularly for women, weren’t a good idea (my parents absolutely forbade it), so professional lines of work were sort of out-of-bounds. Plus, there’s all the temptations that come with the secular world.

“When someone (like yourself) leaves the cult for good is he/she allowed to visit their family?”

Depends on the family and who wants to be sympathetic and why they left and what sort of lifestyle the ex-cult member lives now. Oftentimes they’re considered a bad influence on the rest of the kids, so contact is limited or removed. I have no contact with anyone from my upbringing because I feel safer, but I highly doubt they would welcome me back now.

“Was Josh molested and he repeated the acts?”

I think it’s possible, but more likely he was probably exposed to pornography at a really young age by someone. I can think of a few people who could fall into a suspect category of abusers when he was young.

“Were the girls forced to forgive Josh and still spend time with him?”

I think they genuinely thought they were forgiving him and didn’t recognize (and also weren’t shown) the gravity of the situation. He was their brother, and they loved him. I think they lived in a lot of unexplained fear growing up. Like most of us did.

“Please describe how a ‘confession’ comes about.”

There were multiple meetings where they sent the children out of the house so they could discuss the situation with Josh. I think that’s likely where the confessing happened. I was a child, and therefore not privy to those discussions, but I overheard my parents and some of the other adults talking about it. Later, Josh was humiliated in front of the church; the adults already knew what he did, so they didn’t really rehash the specifics. He cried, several other people cried, his victims cried, and then there was a climactic moment when he was told he was going to have his head shaved or they would shave the head of one of his victim’s. Then he was told he was going to be sent away to work. It was horrible and scary and I hate thinking about it. Josh did terrible things, but at that moment he looked very broken.

“If girls were caught ‘breaking rules’ what was their punishment like?”

To be perfectly honest, I don’t really remember the Duggar girls ever breaking rules. I’m sure they did at some point, but they were “angelic” as far as behavior. I could speak for other members of the church, including my own family, but I don’t want to disclose that information at this time.

“Were the daughters seen as ‘damaged’ after the molestation scandal and did this impact their marriage chances within IBLP circles?”

No. No one ever talked about it, and the girls weren’t treated any differently after it broke.

“Were the older girls ever abusive to their younger siblings?”

Jessa was mean; I never liked Jessa, and wanted to steer clear of her. She scared me, and most of her younger siblings were scared of her. Jana could also be a bit stern and quick to punish, but then again all of them were supposed to be mothers to a whole host of children. That’s a huge burden to place on any adolescent or teenager.

“How did Sam get away from that lifestyle?”

By walking away and disappearing as best as I could. It’s still a struggle to recover from the abuse and spiritual mistreatment, and most days I wake up in disbelief that it ever happened.

“To what extent are children “betrothed/promised” to one another?”

It’s extremely common in those circles. Typically the father of a boy talks to the father of a girl and they work out an arrangement. A lot of times the boy does initiate some interest and discusses it with his dad first, but the girl rarely has a say and is pressured to accept her father’s choices.

“I’m wondering how the family was doing financially during those years.”

They were poor—until they built their big house. Then suddenly it changed. They could afford toilet paper now. But yeah, every Sunday when they held church, every family brought all the food they could so everyone could eat together, then leftovers were distributed. We all shopped at Goodwill and ALDI and pinched pennies. The poverty was real until the TV money started coming in, and then suddenly they were showing off a pantry like a grocery store to the rest of us and offering everyone extra food to take home that was donated by sponsored companies “before it spoiled” because there was so much of it.

“Can you describe what the home church services were like?”

We sang songs from hymnals they kept in the kitchen cabinets (so many hymnals!) that were accompanied by Jana playing on the piano. Classic hymns, never anything contemporary. Requests were shouted out by kids and adults alike. Sometimes there was a music special, but always there was one song in particular that all of the children would sing every Sunday morning. Then we had prayer time where requests were shared, and that was followed by watching a video seminar. I don’t remember ever taking Communion (I feel as if that was frowned upon, but can’t recall), but the service would be followed by a communal meal they called Fellowship.

“Are you aware of any sexual abuse of the boys in the church?”

I am, but not of the Duggar boys. It existed.

“I have heard that Jana ran away a couple of times, and she was rebellious.”

Absolutely not. Jana was (and still seems to be) one of if not the most loyal of the bunch.

“Did things get weird? People speaking in tongues? People with blankets to catch holy rollers as they fell backwards?”

Anything related to the gift of tongues, prophecy, or non-Baptist tradition was considered heretical. What got weird was punishing children in the middle of a service, women being constantly pregnant, husbands humiliating their wives and kids, and myself and other young people being preyed upon by elders.

“It has been suggested at times that the oldest daughter “belongs” to the father. Is that true in the IBLP?”

All of the daughters belong to the father. If you’re referring to Jana specifically, I wouldn’t say it’s just her. All of the daughters in their family and others were subject to their dad’s decisions. It was common to make vows to fathers as teens to stay pure and obey him always (similar to wedding vows) sometimes with a purity ring. I don’t think the Duggars quite did that tradition, but my family and many others did. My father gave his daughters a ring after a “proposal” where he asked them to remain virgins until he gave them away. Usually around 13. Creepy stuff.

“Was Anna’s family really made aware of Josh’s past?”

Yes. And no, that didn’t matter. He’d been “forgiven” by God and his family, so of course he wouldn’t sin again…especially if he had himself a wife to play with instead of children.

“How old was Jana when her parents made that arrangement/when it was canceled?”

I think around 2008.

“What does Sam think of the Jana/Laura rumors?”

Pretty ridiculous to me. Jana and Laura aren’t having a secret fling, in my opinion. LGBT+ members did come out of that church (including myself) but that would be far too obvious for them to carry it on.

“Why doesn’t Jana just leave?”

I don’t think she wants to. I think she’s semi-happy there, at least, to the extent of her knowledge of happiness. It’s her world. Leaving—coming from someone who did it—is absolutely terrifying.

“Are any of them secret atheists?”

The church was so fear-based about the afterlife being determined by present choices that I found myself as a child asking Jesus to save me every single Sunday. I still have a hard time even being an agnostic because of what was beaten into me. So I doubt it. It’s hard to disbelieve when the stakes are set so high.

“Did Josh’s abuse of his sisters continue when they moved into the big house?”

I think it mostly became a porn issue at that point. But it's possible. I think it was still an issue even then.

“Have you ever seen an example of an unwed woman getting pregnant?”

No, but my parents suspected one of the members in my family of getting pregnant (quite irrationally) and hell broke loose at the suspicion. It likely wouldn’t have gone over well and probably would have ended with that person being turned away (much like Anna’s sister).

“What was John David like?”

He was a shy, awkward, friendly-enough strange kid. Likable by everyone, obedient, humble, hard-working. I think he’s a good person, if misguided by his upbringing.

“Are you pursuing a formal, structured education or a trade? Will you raise your children differently than you were raised? Are you still a member of the same “church fellowship” as the Duggars?”

I am not pursuing further education at this time, though I have plans to. I’m supporting myself in a successful career and doing pretty well independently. I will raise my children VERY differently, without religion as a factor. I am not a member of the same church, I am not in the same area, and I have no plans to return to Christianity, at least staunchly, or in that branch. It is toxic and abusive. It is vile to me.

“How are the kids with the protruding stomachs now?”

I looked them up the other day. I think their family moved away, and it seems like their kids aren’t as involved in the cult anymore. They seem to be doing well. I’m happy for them.

“Did Sam ever go to ALERT or one of the family conferences?”

No, I didn’t. My family didn’t travel much.

“Were you able to have genuine friendships with the Duggar children in that environment or was there still a lot of isolation and privacy?”

I did have genuine friendships with the Duggar children; I even developed feelings for one of them as a young teenager that I thought were reciprocated (and may have been, we weren’t allowed to talk about that). We didn’t discuss the abuse because we didn’t consider anything abusive. We looked up to our parents (and feared them).

“Did Sam ever meet someone from the cult who cooked without using cans?”

Nope. We were all raised on cans. And speaking of cooking — Jim Bob’s BBQ tuna, or whatever that nasty stuff is, is absolutely disgusting. I’ve tried it. Hash brown casserole is gross too. It’s all gross. Ugh. I love eating real food now.

67 notes · View notes