#and the way they tried to romanticise it while speaking about it :

[bella-goths-wife]

How reader could manipulate the bowers gang boys

Again, please enjoy my attempts at being deep writer while being sick and sad

I do not intend to romanticise or encourage any of the following warnings, my writing is solely for entertainment and informational purposes. I do not support or condone any and all abuse and I do not believe in any of the various themes I write about.

Henry bowers:

As we've established in previous posts, Henry craves to be taken care of

His mother was the only person who cared about him until his dad scared her off, and now he has no one

His dad couldn't give less of a shit about him, and while he sees the boys as his brothers, he'd never discuss thoughts and feelings with them because he was their leader and he can't seem weak

But you, you were so gentle and kind to those around you

Sure, you looked cold and sometimes you'd act like an arrogant bitch

But he saw how you acted with Beverly, before he made you his

You knew she struggled, so you'd make her an extra lunch and offer her a shoulder to cry on

Something about watching those interactions made Henry's skin crawl with an ugly jealousy which he mistook for anger and disgust

That's why he was so intent on hurting you the day he and the boys followed you after school, so he could take out his frustrations

But then he and the other boys saw you dancing, and he knew you'd be perfect

The way you could manipulate Henry is by really playing into the caregiver role

Make his lunches, write him little notes on them, offer to trim his hair, cook his dinners, offer to do his laundry and take care of his wounds after fights

Really act like you care about Henry, make him believe that you can be relied on

Make Henry believe that you are the one person in the world who cares about him and you'll be in for a world of surprises

As time goes on Henry will reveal more about himself, in his own gruff and verbally abusive fashion

But there will be a gentleness that's unlocked within him, it's minuscule when looking at it through the societal norms but if you view it as someone who has experienced his abuse for months, the change can be unexpected

If you do something wrong, as long as it's only minor (like burning his food slightly or not responding the first time he speaks), he'll turn a blind eye to it for the first time it happens instead of yelling and hurting you

And if he does decide to 'punish' you, he'll clean up your wounds instead of making you work through it and he'll make sure to avoid body parts that are vital to your ballet dancing

He'll also become more affectionate in his own way

He'll hold you at night in a way that used to be rough and only a precaution in case you tried to do something while he slept, but now his hold is less bruising and held more adoration then before

If you want to manipulate Henry, then the best way to do this is to voice your opinion while he holds you

It's really the only time he'd listen, so you'd have to make sure you do it correctly and you don't overuse it because he would eventually catch on

But if you wanted something to change within the group, your best chance is to mention it during this time

For example, if you didn't want to be around Patrick for too long, all you'd have to say to Henry is "Patrick makes me uncomfortable sometimes when he touches me"

And suddenly, your around Patrick by yourself less and less by Henry's command

Another route you could take is to cause conflict within the group, for example

You could say something like "Patrick's been quite demanding lately, he told me not to make you lunch tomorrow and to make it for him instead"

This will plant seeds of doubt in Henry's mind and will cause problems amongst the boys

The only side effect to this manipulation is a very needy, clingy and possessive Henry who feels the need to have you around 24/7 since you take such good care of him

Patrick Hockstetter:

Patrick is a sociopath, it's very clear to see and if he were born ten years later he would be labelled as dangerous to society

So his manipulation would be extremely hard, but everyone has their blindspots

And Patrick's is that he craves sexual attention and validation

Patrick has been sleeping with girls since he was fifteen, and sometimes he thinks it's the only thing that makes other people seem real to him

He's engaged in sexual relations with you, but never with your consent

And while he enjoys the pleasure and control he gains from the interaction, he knows that he would prefer it if you were an active participant who enjoyed the experience with him

A way you could manipulate Patrick is if you started to act enthusiastic to sleep with him

You'd have to force yourself and you'd have to be a good actress, but if you acted enthusiastically about having sex with Patrick and sharing that part of yourself willingly with him it would definitely lower his guard

As I've mentioned before in previous posts, after having any sexual interactions with you he will be kinder to you for a few weeks afterwards

This means that If you wanted to make it so he was being nicer to you then you could initiate sex with him for your own benefit

This would grant you many rewards such as gifts he stole from the mall, defending you against the other boys when they get too rough and he's even able to get you out of some of the punishments the other boys set out for you

Another route you could take Patrick's manipulation is to withdraw from sex completely

For weeks you'd be enthusiastic and initiating sex with Patrick until he does something that makes you upset

Once he does this, you stop acting happy about having sex with him and you stop participating

You can't outright stop having sex with him unfortunately as he will just force you to

But If you withdraw from sex go from someone who was enthusiastic and excited to someone who just lays there and takes it while you dissociate from the situation, it's gonna give Patrick a case of whiplash

He'll try and enjoy the sex even though your withdraw but he just can't anymore, not when he's experienced you at your fullest

So he'll subconsciously start to gain back your attention

This would be an opportunity to try and gain more out of Patrick

Request things that you'd get smacked for before

Ask for things like alone time, cigarettes, friends and they'll all be granted as long as you just have sex with Patrick with the same passion as before

If you want to cause problems with the group through your manipulation of Patrick, start sleeping with one of the other boys with enthusiasm while denying Patrick and you'll have a fist fight in no time

Victor Criss:

Vic is extremely possessive of you

You are his and he is yours, he has stated this to you many times

This possessiveness has always been encouraged by his silent resentment of Henry and the other boys

All of his nice and pretty things were always taken from him

When he was younger, belch would steal his toys and break them

When he was a pre teen, Henry would steal his lunches and snacks from home

And when he was a teenager, Patrick would steal any girl that vic found pretty before sleeping with her and leaving her broken hearted

Vic held so much resent in for those instances, but they formed dark bruises on his heart from the memories

All you have to do is press down on those bruises and reignite the sting he felt from them

You could act very affectionate with him behind closed doors and act like the two of you are just passionate lovers

Be affectionate with him and make him more vulnerable and susceptible to your manipulative behaviour

Once he's comfortable, reinforce his thoughts of how you are his and his only

Make sure he knows that you believe that you are his as well

This will encourage to him to take your requests more seriously and to even grant the very few he can

It also reassures you that he's less likely to punish you if you act like his perfect little toy

•But if you wanted to go down the route of manipulating the boys against each other, then your best bet is to pit him against Henry

Drop into conversations that you wish you could spend more time with him, but Henry just won’t let you

Describe all the horrible things Henry does to you and exaggerate it before adding “if it was just you and me, you’d never do anything like this to me”

All those feelings of resentment that vic repressed for years will boil over

At first it will start off as small arguments but it will quickly develop

If you continuously use these methods of manipulation on vic for months and then try to provoke Henry into acting cruel to you and punishing you in front of vic, then make vic watch the cruelty being inflicted on you and watch his possessive and protective behaviour bubble to the surface

There would be a bloody fight which would end up with one of them dead, and you better pray that it’s Henry who looses

You know what they say

If you want to kill a snake, remove the head

Belch Huggins:

As I’ve said in my other posts, belch is absolutely desperate for your approval

He’s craved it ever since the first time you granted him a compliment

Even if it was more of an observation of a compliment, to him it felt like a goddess had finally given him a purpose

You may think that’s enough to be able to manipulate belch, but unfortunately you weren’t the first person to figure this out

Henry has always been observant over belch, belch is physically stronger and if he were smarter he could probably overtake Henry as the group leader

So Henry definitely noticed how much belch lit up after you praised or complimented him

And he saw this as something that could be a threat

So he decided to use it against you before you figured out a plan

He told belch that in order to gain your approval, he would have to follow Henry’s instructions no matter how cruel or violent they were

Henry reassured him that even if you insulted belch or yelled at him for following Henry’s instructions, but it was all for your own good

And eventually you’d thank belch for helping you figure out what you wanted

At least that’s what Henry told him

So no matter how guilty belch may feel, Henry has manipulated him so much that he truly does believe the abuse is gonna help you

But one way you could manipulate belch is through similar methods as vic or Henry

Overpower him with your affection and compliments

Make him feel loved and wanted with your words and actions

But only do this obviously in private with him

Only give him your affections and approval subtly

Think about secret lovers affection, like touching pinkies with your hands spread out or his hand on your knee under the table

These actions will make his as giddy as a teenager in love

He truly will believe that you and him are in love

While you give him the affection and approval that he craves, make small requests like

“I really wish I could smoke again, do you think you could give me one of your cigarettes”

Now there is a small chance that he’ll allow it if he’s blissed out on your touch, but if he denies you then immediately stop all the affection that your giving him and push him away

This will cause him to backpedal and give in to your request as long as you continue to touch him

This only works for minor requests though, for major requests you’ll need to scare him

For example, if you wanted some time to spend with Beverly then you’d have to ask him and when he Denies you then simply threaten him with harming yourself or not eating

This will send his protective side into overdrive and you can have this man on his knees begging for forgiveness if you play your cards right

A way to manipulate him against the rest of the group is to prove yourself as the only person who cares about him and loves him before planting the seeds of doubt in his mind

Drop little comments like “Patrick was wrong about you, your not stupid” or “vic says your too violent, but I don’t think that’s true”

He’ll start to second guess his friends and he’ll start to come to you more with his problems

But the best move to make is to make it so after all those months of manipulating belch against the rest of his friends, have him watch as Henry is unnecessarily cruel to you

And then go crying into belchs arms in private and demand to know why he didn’t help you or defend you

Drop in a “I thought you loved me” and you’ll have undone all of Henry’s manipulation in seconds

You could convince belch to take you away from the rest of the boys and to run away with you so you could be together forever

Hopefully you’ll be able to sneak away from belch at some point because he now trusts you

And even if you don’t, being stuck with belch is the lesser of two evils

#yandere bowers gang #yandere bowers gang x reader #bowers gang #yandere henry bowers x reader #henry bowers x reader #henry bowers #patrick hockstetter x reader #yandere patrick hockstetter x reader #patrick hockstetter #yandere victor criss x reader #victor criss x reader #victor criss #yandere belch huggins x reader #belch huggins x reader #slashers x reader #belch huggins #yandere it x reader #it x reader

[caraphernellie]

truly, madly, deeply // a.a.

librarian fem reader x abby anderson !! 🍂📚

an: im starting my training soon!! im gonna be a librarian :D

info: reader overthinks a LOT and is shy, they flirt through sapphic literature ☺️ classic loser lesbian yearning, reader is very lonely, this is kind of very self indulgent i cant lie to you,, im worried i made abby a little ooc but i think it does seem quite like her so IDKKKKKK

there was nothing you loved more than your job. you were so passionate about it - you loved books so dearly. you loved reading, spreading knowledge, and helping others.

being a librarian was the perfect job. it was a quiet environment and it combined many of the things you loved. it didn’t matter whether you were working behind the scenes cataloguing books, or if you were at the front desk working circulation, or if you were simply shelving books into their correct spaces - you loved it. it was stress free, and the conversations you got to have with customers were pleasant and made you excited.

one particularly chilly and rainy autumn morning, you were working circulation when a very pretty stranger walked up to you. you’d not seen her before, but you knew she must be a regular given the way she immediately placed down both the book and her library card gently before you.

you smiled sweetly at her, trying not to tremble as you picked up her book to scan. she was so pretty you seemed to be getting nervous.

she was all muscle and height, but she didn’t act that way. she was so gentle to you.

eyeing the cover of the book as you turned it over to scan, you spoke up. “i’ve not read this one yet. it’s on my reading list though.”

it was a sapphic novel, and you knew you had to say something - it was the perfect way to try and hint that you liked girls. it was not always obvious to people so you had to take any chance you had.

she laughed politely as you scanned her card, and you took note of her name. abigail anderson.

“it’s been on my list for a while, too,” she admitted, scratching her neck. you almost fell apart over her voice alone - you didn’t know if it was her voice in general, or the way she tried to speak lowly as to not disturb other patrons in the library.

you nodded and passed back her book and card. “they’re all yours until next week. i guess you’ll have to tell me what you thought of the book. an honest review might motivate me to move it up on my list.”

she looked you up and down once more, taking the book from your hands.

“i guess i will, then.”

and with what happened next, you felt your eyes practically turn into love hearts. it was so small, but said so much.

she put the book into a fucking book pouch.

most people wouldn’t think twice about it- but people who take care of their books are huge, huge green flags.

especially when you work a job where you see hundreds of people shove a book into their bag or even drop the book on the floor before even walking out of the building.

with rain gently spattering the windows of the library you glanced at her one last time for the day. if you had self restraint, that is.

“have a good day.”

“you too,” she replied, a pleasant smile on her face.

as she walked out of earshot, suddenly your coworker beside you broke down into quiet giggles.

“you should see how red you are!” they quietly laughed, pointing at your cheeks. “and what a great attempt at flirting that was!”

your face burned in embarrassment as you gasped. “shut up, ezra. she was… she was totally digging it, right?”

of course, for the entire week that pretty stranger had not left your mind. if anything, she consumed every little space in your mind. you were up pacing at two in the morning some nights, hoping it really was the start of something special, or if it was just another dumb, unrealistic dream your imagination had come up with.

some might say romanticising every part of your life is a blessing, or a beautiful quality to have. but to you, it was just something that came with being a bookworm, your mind filling with cliches and maladaptive thoughts over everything until you went insane.

it was exhausting.

ezra hadn’t forgot, either. they teased you everyday, letting you know that it was a day closer to when you would see abby again.

ezra also knew a bit more about abby than you did, as they worked the circulation desk more than you did on the days abby would come in, and they didn’t hesitate to tell you what would be very helpful information.

abigail, or abby, as she preferred, which ezra had told you, came in weekly to borrow and return primarily classics and sapphic lit.

she was perfect. probably the dreamiest human being ever. tall, buff, and she had good taste in literature.

today was the day! you’d been looking forward to this tuesday for the whole week, but you had this horrible feeling inside of you, too - what if it went wrong?

to ezra’s knowledge, abby was single, so you didn’t have to worry about that, but still - what if she didn’t even like you in general?

what if she didn’t show up at all?

and that was how you knew you were being delusional about this whole thing - you had one conversation that lasted a minute. and now you wondered if she even cared as much as you did, or if she had literally forgotten about you.

it felt like you were staring at the clock all day long, taking note of every time an hour passed.

she didn’t come.

at the end of the day, you tried not to look disappointed as you got ready to leave. you grabbed your umbrella, noticing the pouring rain.

you couldn’t help but feel like maybe you were overreacting, but the miserable rain said exactly how you felt on the inside.

you stepped over orange leaves soaked into the road as you walked to your car and thought about her again.

you just wanted your happily ever after already.

abby had no idea what had gotten into her - she really spent all of last night writing a spoiler-free review of some dumb romcom for the cute librarian. reading romcoms was typical for her, sure, but writing an in depth, spoiler free review? for the cute librarian?

unusual behaviour, for sure, but there was no way she would let whatever this was lead to a dead end. and as abby was walking towards the door of the library, crunching leaves in her path on a day that finally wasn’t raining, she realised she had forgotten something.

she mumbled a curse quietly to herself as she grabbed the paper she’d typed up and printed out, leaning against the wall and fishing through her bag for a pen.

she finally found one, scribbling down her name and number in what she hoped was legible handwriting, drawing a small heart next to it.

with a small nod at herself she finally mustered the courage to walk through the doors. she paused for a second in defeat, spotting the front desk with no sign of you there. fuck. how embarrassing, she mused.

she’d seen you shelving a few times in the past when she’d come, and admired you from a distance. she was praying to god that that was the case today.

she walked up to ezra, who she’d seen many times, to return the book. they gave her a knowing smile.

abby nervously returned the smile, turning back to walk upstairs. she held the paper so delicately in her hand, trying her best not to crease it, and fiddled with her braid in the other hand.

as she reached the top of the stairs, she was so relieved upon seeing your checkered brown blazer that she almost jumped in the air.

this was the hard part - getting the courage to speak to you. she almost didn’t want to disturb you while you were working, you just looked so cute in the dark lighting, searching through the classifications to find the right spot for every book you shelved.

until she noticed you struggle to lean up and push in a book on the highest shelf. that was her chance.

“hey, you need help?” she asked, walking over and leaning a little closed to you. she cringed a little at the way she sounded, so shaky and nervous for no reason - it’s not like you were going to laugh at her.

you jumped a little, looking at her, unable to stop a wide smile from crossing your face.

“if that’s okay- i just have some trouble with the high shelves sometimes…”

“of course, no big deal.” abby suddenly felt a bit more confident, taking the book from your hands gently. “where am i putting it?”

you pointed up high at a little gap you had created. “just up there, thank you-”

“hey, it’s no problem,” abby said as she shelved the book with ease, then leaned down to squeeze your shoulder. she liked the way you suddenly grew bashful over that. “i know i was supposed to come in yesterday- i needed an extra day to finish…”

“oh! that’s alright,” you laughed off, suddenly feeling a bit dumb. of course she needed an extra day to finish. why hadn’t you thought of that? “one extra day’s not bad. so how was the book?”

now abby didn’t exactly know what to say - she knew there was a chance she’d come across weird. she rehearsed this a million times and yet she strayed so far from the script she’d made in her head.

“uh- s-so i had like a lot of thoughts about it and- i mean, i don’t know, there was a lot to say. so i kinda wrote a- a review? no spoilers, don’t worry! i just-”

“no way!” you exclaimed, a wide smile on your face. you realised you were a little loud then, trying to calm down. “that’s really nice! thank you-”

“it’s no biggie,” abby mumbled shyly, handing you the written review and rubbing the back of her neck. she was close enough that she could smell your perfume - a warm, vanilla scent, almost like cookies.

she couldn’t help the small smirk that played at her lips when she noticed you stutter and pause when you saw her number at the bottom of the page.

“i- thank you- i’ll read it when i get home,” you said, a quiet giggle accompanying it. everything about you drove abby insane.

“you got any recommendations for what i should read this week?” abby asked.

#tlou2 fic #abby anderson #abby anderon x reader #abby x reader #fem reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby tlou #abby anderson x reader fluff #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fanfic

[gemstone-roses]

Hannibal

Trigger warning for self harm.

Request is under the read more.

A:N- this is a one off, i will not be doing any other requests on this subject so please do not ask. This is not meant to romanticise or anything, I am writing from past experiences and if any of the themes in this fic are triggering, don't read it. this was requested by @melavoris . Also Thankyou for being so respectful of my boundaries when requesting this fic! 💖

Request: can you do hannibal with a reader who self harms and he sees her healing scars and what he would do.

sorry for this taking so long- I had to take a break from uni and have felt like a complete fucking failure so... anyway, time to crawl out of my self pity hole, here you go! I tried to keep it vague whilst also including the details you asked for.

Warnings: self harm(no actual scenes of this but its the theme of the fic), scars, , hurt /comfort, 18+ only thanku! Female reader.

it's an avalanche of bad luck that ends with you and hannibal in this four room motel, with only one bed of course, stranded in the middle of the country, with a storm brewing for the night.

Jack had sent the two of you to interview someone connected to the case, you and hannibal worked well together, your skills and knowledge complimented each others work.

"I don't have anything to wear" you whined at hannibal, a smirk making it's way across his face.

"I have a spare shirt you can wear" hannibal says, because of course this man keeps spare shirts in his boot.

The shirt is long enough for you to keep a little dignity at least.

"I'll take the cou- you begin to say before he cuts you off.

"No, you will not, the bed is big enough for us both, the couch is big enough for neither of us" he says, matter of factly. But he's right, you could barely sit two people on the couch let alone lie and sleep on it.

"Um, alright" you say, slightly nervous.

"it's okay y/n" , he reassures you, seeming to sense your apprehension.

By the time hannibals out the shower, you've drifted off to sleep, he chuckles quietly at the sight, one leg flung over the quilt, arm shoved under the pillow.

It's not until hannibal gets in the other side and sees the flashes of red across your thigh.

Hannibal gently tugs the quilt until its free, he puts it back over you, tucks you in softly.

The next morning, your awoken by the shower running, hannibal in nothing but a towel.

"I saved you some hot water" he smiles.

There's a bottle of antiseptic on the shower shelf, thats lucky, you thought.

Your packing up your things to finally get out of this shitty room when hannibal gently catches your arm.

"Y/n, are you alright?" He asks, his voice is comforting, soothing, laced with concern.

"Im okay" you say.

"Hm". Hannibal smiles slightly, but he's not satisfied with your response.

Hannibal cares for you, deeply. You and him are close, he hates to think of you struggling on your own.

Hannibals driving, he asks if you'd like to come over for dinner, since there's no point going back to the office this late. You agree, delighted, his cooking is something else.

You make yourself comfortable while he dots about his house.

"Here, I have something for you" hannibal says, there's that deep comforting voice again that makes you feel safe.

You eye him confused, its a rubber band.

"Some of my patients, they've said it helps, in the short term" he says, his eyes never leave yours, but there's no pity or sadness or anything at all like that.

He's holding your hand in his, his grip tight, but not hard.

"It's okay y/n" he smiles, his hand moves to your cheek.

"Thankyou" you say quietly.

Hannibal doesn't let go of you as he speaks again.

"Whatever it is, y/n, I'm here".

"There are many things to try that can help, if you like, I can work through them with you". He adds.

"we don't have to talk, not tonight, but I want you to be safe and know that I'm not going anywhere, I'm here, I'll always be here". Hannibal soothes.

"okay" you nod, as he pulls you into a hug.

He holds you tight, but softly.

"Okay" he agrees.

#hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal imagine #hannibal lecter imagine #hannibal fanfic #hannibal fanfiction #female reader #hannibal lecter fanfiction #hannibal nbc fanfiction

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Epilogue

I know we've already said our farewells but after todays BangtanB Admin 2 talked me into writing another tiny post because vmin. Truly as much as we weren't ready for the OT4 live, we hadn't been ready to get this BB so quickly, to see and hear them say goodbye to each other, or for Tae to quite literally apologise to Jimin for not being able to see him off the next day while Jimin told him he had nothing to be sorry for since he was going first.

Seeing these two say goodbye to each other, it broke my heart on so many levels. Vmin being vmin aside, they are chingu and so incredibly close with each other, mean so much to each other, and yet because of damn enlistment they got separated. I'm glad though that Namjoon has Tae close to him, just like Namjoon said to Tae himself, and that they'll be able to see each other occasionally and perhaps have meals together, though they aren't training together. And before someone asks why Tae and Namjoon didn't use the buddy system like Jimin and JK did and tries to spin some annoying story in our messages, it's because Namjoon is too old for it.

Another tiny tangent I'd like to go on before I continue is that I implore all of you, and especially shippers of one particular ship, to stop romanticising the enlistment experience and all it entails. Enlistment isn't a fun little trip or vacation, it's an unjust gruelling and extremely hard time for all enlisted men. One of the translators for the English edition of the BTS book was asked by ARMY to translate Namjoon's letter on weverse but he declined to do so and gave a very nuanced and important explanation as to why. Please go and read it here. And before anyone comes (again) into our messages and claims I would speak differently if vmin went together, no I would not. This moment in their lives, the enlistment period, it fucking sucks. Plain and simple. We've seen what can happen with idols during enlistment, just look at Taemin's experience, so really, there is nothing nice and fun and chill about it. Or remember the incident with Seokjin and the nurse, hell knows what could've happened. It's hard and awful and it's unfair that after all that they have done, the members were put into a position where they knew there was no way they could not go, even if they would've been given an exemption because that's the kind of pressure they're under. We've seen how uncomfortable his shaved head made Jimin, how sad and devastated Jimin and JK looked in their final lives and in this BB. So set aside your delulu glasses and look at reality, especially as foreigners. We know nothing so let's not act like we know anything.

Anyway, seeing JK approach Namjoon, pet his head and then Namjoon turn around, his eyes turning all soft and fond as he realised it's JK and then enveloped him in a tight hug...and to think that's the hyung because of which JK even joined BH in the first place. My heart. And Namjoon, too, was sad that he wouldn't be able to see JK off the next day either.

It was sad that we couldn't see Hobi, Seokjin, and Yoongi but we knew that would be the case from past experience. But it was nice to see JK sitting in the car talking and being obviously sad and then Hobi's hand appeared to pat his head to comfort him and JK closed his eyes to enjoy the moment and calm his emotions. Truly the bond the hyungs and maknaes have is beautiful.

But with that the Tannies are all gone now and it'll be six months on the dot until Seokjin will be released and come back to us for FESTA 2024. But the members repeatedly said they've prepared lots of exciting things for us so we can look forward to that.

And with this, we say farewell and we hope to see you again healthy and happy and doing well.

As for our blog, with Admin 2's plans for a BL break, we've started watching Love in the Air since it's a very popular BL. Once we'll finish it, we'll let you know what we think of it.

#bts #taehyung #jimin #vmin #namjoon #jungkook #hoseok #yoongi

[peaceisadirtyword]

Pull the Trigger VI (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello! This was one of the hardest chapters I’ve ever written because of a personal experience that still haunts me until today. It has conditioned my way of socialising and it has prevented me from doing many things, and it’s something I’ll carry for the rest of my life. Unfortunately this is way more common than we’d ever think, and sometimes it’s very obvious but it can also go unnoticed. It’s not my intention by any means to romanticise this kind of situations, as it’s a nightmare I wish no one had to live. Most of the times we don’t have someone to protect us like they do in this fic, it’s a shame but it’s also a reality and I think we as a society don’t do enough to stop these kind of situations from happening. We need to let the victims speak, empathise with them and punish the perpetrators. And learn that no means no, and that when there’s not a yes it’s also no, and when the other person tries to escape it’s also no, and that it’s also a no when they’re under the influence of alcohol, drugs or under compulsion. In one word: consent. 

This said, even if it’s just a very small part of what I have to say, I hope you like this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and for all of the nice comments♥️ You guys rock. 

Warnings: +18! this chapter contains a scene that includes sexual assault, alcohol consumption, drugging and non-consent, please do not read if this is a triggering subject for you, I tried to make it as short and undetailed as possible, but it’s still a very sensitive topic. As a victim of SA myself I completely understand if it’s too much. Please take care and be safe. In case you suffer an attack like this please  go to the hospital as soon as possible, I won’t tell you whether you should talk about it or not because that’s very personal and no one should tell you what to do when you’re a victim. You are not alone and it’s not your fault♥️ please be safe and take care of your loved ones🫶🏼

Words: 3639

Read on AO3

Fic masterlist

“I can’t believe you are leaving me alone for a man again” you pouted while stepping out of the shower, Thora smiled softly at you through the bathroom mirror. She had a pair of tweezers on her hands and scrutinised her own reflection, looking for the little hairs under her eyebrow that had escaped.

“You’ll be fine, Ingrid is going with you” she chuckled “Do you want to borrow my silver purse? It goes very well with the blue dress”

Your eyes lightened up at that. You loved that purse.

“You’re trying to bribe me with a purse?”

“I’m not trying, I’m bribing you with a purse” she smirked “Besides, I’m in a very good mood today”

You started drying your hair with the towel, glancing at her curiously.

“How so?“

Thora’s face lightened up with a smile when she looked at you, almost like she had been waiting to tell you for days.

“Hvitserk is cooking dinner for me”

You rolled your eyes.

“So he’s doing the bare minimum, good for him, what does he want in exchange?”

“I’m going to ignore that because I’m in a very good mood” she repeated “He’s cooking for me at his house, he says we need to talk”

You widened your eyes.

“I think he might want to be exclusive” Thora continued, giggling.

“What? He probably does that with every single girl he meets, Thora!“ you groaned, and her smile faltered “Look, I want you to be happy, but do you think you can be happy with someone that is always on the magazine covers because he fucks every single person he can?”

Thora sighed, grabbing her makeup and turning to the mirror again.

“I know what you think of him, Y/N, but you don’t know him like I do” she pressed her lips together “And if Hvitserk asks me to be his girlfriend tonight I will say yes, because I really like him, and if he turns up to be a fucking idiot that is only playing with me, then I will come to you so you can tell me ‘I told you’ with a condescending tone and I will let you take care of me, because I know you will because you’re my best friend”

You bit your lip, suddenly feeling guilty for having yelled at her. You had tried your best to try and like the Lothbroks, for her sake, but the mere thought of those privileged, cocky, handsome bastards, especially the one with those piercing blue eyes that wouldn’t leave your mind, made your blood boil. You hated that every single person just succumbed to their charms, ignoring the obvious red flags of their family.

“Okay” you sighed, making Thora smile a bit “But if he breaks your heart I will follow him until the end of the world, I will kill him and I will feed him to stray dogs”

Thora laughed then, shaking her head as she moved to hug you tightly.

“And I will join you in your anti-Lothbrok campaign” she promised with a giggle.

“Anyway” you finally stepped back “I better get dressed or I’ll be late”

Thora watched you grab your makeup bag and open the door to leave the bathroom.

“Hey” she said just when you were stepping out, making you look back with a small smile “If anything happens when you’re at Erik’s place… Please call me, okay? I know Ingrid will be there but please if you need something call me”

“Don’t tell me you believe the rumours, Thora” you groaned “Why do you listen to them more than to me?”

“No, just… Just call me, okay?”

You sighed, nodding.

“Fine, I will”

________________________________

Erik's place was not far from your own, a two-storey house he shared with another guy. It was already full of people when you arrived with an excited Ingrid following you, talking about how nice it was that both of her best friends had nice boyfriends that always invited her to places. You recognized some people from university, but most of the guys that were there you had no idea of who they were. Some of them had a weird vibe around them that immediately threw you off. The worst part was finding Erik with a bunch of them, drinking and laughing loudly while they played pool.

“It's nice to see you, beautiful" Erik leant in again to kiss you but you put your cheek instead with a forced smile. You had been a bit uneasy about this party since you got invited, and for some reason seeing the company he had there only made you turn around and leave.

Besides, Thora's news about Hvitserk maybe wanting to make it official only put a weird weight on your stomach.

“Hi" you greeted him, trying to move away from him as Erik kept his arms around you, finding your rejection amusing. Ingrid bit her lip and looked around, visibly uncomfortable, and grabbed your arm as soon as you were free from his grip.

“I thought you'd never come, would you like some drinks, ladies?" he smirked at the both of you and you nodded slowly, knowing you needed alcohol to deal with all of that. Ingrid looked around trying to find a familiar face, and sighed in relief when she spotted two girls she knew.

“I'll be right back" Erik winked at you, and Ingrid quickly reassured him that she didn't need a drink, for she had found two friends and would go say hello on her way to grab a less strong drink. Her last phrase was said with her eyes fixed on the glass Erik had on his hand, which was pure alcohol.

As soon as the two of them left, you looked around again, feeling more and more uneasy with every single look people casted your way. The group of guys Erik was talking to looked older. One of them, the tallest one, was blonde and had a weird tattoo on his cheek, his hair was long and greasy and his beard was badly maintained, with it having bald patches. His clothes were in a better shape, though you hoped he washed it more than he did himself. Around him, his gang was no better- all of them had ugly tattoos and looked as mean and cruel as him. It nearly made you shiver when he looked you up and down, and you almost groaned in relief when Erik came back with a full glass of alcohol for you.

“Don't mind them" he chuckled, shaking his head “They're old friends of my dad, they're like family to me but they were leaving already" he shook his head. Almost like they had heard him, the blonde man stood up and walked towards the exit, not before casting a last look at Erik. Waving them goodbye, he let his arm fall on your shoulders as soon as you had grabbed your own glass.

“They don't exactly look like someone people would like to party with" you muttered. Erik laughed.

“You're right, I guess!" he was maybe too cheerful, and that made you raise an eyebrow before thinking it could be the alcohol “Aren't you going to try your drink? It's one of my father's best whiskeys... But don't tell anyone, I'm afraid I don't have enough whiskey for all of them"

You sniffed the liquid before wrinkling your nose.

“A bit strong, isn't it?"

“Yeah, that's what makes it good" he chuckled again.

Finally gaining enough courage to take a sip, you started coughing almost immediately. Maybe you didn't know how to appreciate a good glass of whiskey, but that was probably the worst drink you had ever tried.

“Come on, I thought you were a girl that could handle her alcohol!" Erik seemed very amused by your struggling, and you had to try your best to avoid glaring at him or emptying the cup on his face.

But, on second thoughts, strong alcohol was exactly what you needed if you were to stand his repulsive behaviour for the entire night.

Taking a bigger sip, you ignored Erik's laughs and looked around the room for Ingrid, who was nowhere to be found, and cursed when you realised you didn't know anyone close to you that could give you a break from Erik's insistence.

Almost an hour and a few more sips later, your head started feeling a bit more light. Closing your eyes and rubbing them carefully not to ruin your makeup, you realised Erik had stopped laughing, and his hands were now roaming down your body.

“Hey" you slapped his hand away when he was approaching your ass, pressing your lips together “Who said you have permission to touch?"

He giggled, not really impressed by what you thought was a scolding tone.

“Where's your friend?" he kissed your cheek “The one so close to the Lothbroks? I thought you'd bring her, did she ditch you to go and fuck Hvitserk again?"

“Thora?" you frowned, a bit confused because it was the first time Erik had shown any interest in her “I don't know" you lied “She just said she couldn't come, I didn't really ask, she's old enough to do so... Hey, can you stop that? We're in the middle of a room with other people here, it's not polite to just start... Touching people in public like that"

Again, he looked amused, but you were about to reach the point of slapping him across his face.

“We can go somewhere more private, if you'd prefer..."

“No, I just need some air" you said softly, feeling a bit more light-headed every minute that passed.

“Sure" he smiled softly at you “I know somewhere we can get some air, come on"

Before you could react, he pushed you towards the stairs, grabbing your hand to pull you upstairs, away from the noise, the heat and the people. A bit confused, you followed him not really knowing where he intended to go. Something inside you was screaming to run back downstairs, find Ingrid and leave that house that made you so uneasy, but you were feeling a bit more tired than you would usually be having drank only half a glass of alcohol, and you thought a bit of air would do you good.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we went outside?” you muttered, looking back down the stairs. Your mouth felt weird, almost like you couldn’t pronounce the words properly “To get air”

“No, there will be too many people at the door” he chuckled “Come on, don’t you trust me?”

You didn’t reply, frowning when your head started feeling lighter. You definitely hadn’t drank enough to feel like that.

Erik opened a door and pushed you in. A bit confused, you looked around, but before you could say anything you heard him closing the door.

It was a bedroom. At that moment, you couldn’t really tell whether it was Erik’s bedroom or not nor you noticed any detail that could give you a clue of why he had brought you there.

“This is not a balcony” you managed to mumble before trying to open the door again. Erik laughed again, stopping you and pushing you back almost making you lose your balance.

“Come on” he grabbed your wrists, making sure you were completely still before kissing you. Shocked, you couldn’t register what was happening as your brain seemed to be way slower. It was almost like you had a fog on your eyes, but you could feel his lips against yours and his hands roaming up and down your body. You didn’t like it. You didn’t want him touching you. You didn’t give him permission to touch you like that.

He took advantage of your hesitation to push you towards the bed. You made a couple of weak attempts to free yourself from his grip, but every time you tried to move any part of your body it felt like you had a cement block attached to it. You remembered one of your first university parties, when you got so wasted you and Ingrid slept in the campus turf because you couldn’t even walk.

But that time you had drunk for hours straight.

“Wait” you managed to say, closing your eyes tightly. The light of the room hurt your eyes “Stop”

Erik didn’t reply, or if he did you didn’t hear it. He kept kissing down your neck, grabbing your dress to put it up. The moment his cold hand touched your leg under the dress you whimpered in discomfort, and wiggled your body to make him stop touching you.

“Stop” you repeated. Erik only tightened his grip around your wrists when you tried to push him away again “No” you almost begged when his hand reached between your legs.

You stayed still, trying to clear your mind from that stupid fog that clouded everything, but only when he let one of your arms go to unbuckle his trousers did you push him aside. Erik lost his balance and fell, cursing out loud. You stood up as quickly as you could, barely escaping his arms when he tried to catch you. You found the door, opening it with the last bit of strength you had. And ran down the hallway towards the stairs.

________________________

Thora looked around, amazed. The entire Lothbrok’s living room had changed, only one corner of the table was set, but there were candles, flowers and the smell of food and wine made her mouth water. Hvitserk looked very sexy in an apron, much more than she had ever thought. The only downside? Hvitserk’s brothers hanging out in the kitchen and eating part of the dinner.

Her smile didn’t falter, though, Hvitserk looked pretty nervous and their presence calmed him down, even though he acted like he was very annoyed.

Her phone vibrated, and she looked away from Ubbe, who was telling a story from the office, to check her screen. Her frown was what grabbed the boy’s attention.

“Everything okay?” Hvitserk’s hand on her lower back made her smile again instantly.

“Yes, I think so” after glancing back at the screen again, she locked the phone and left it on the counter, picking up her wine glass again “It’s just Ingrid, apparently Y/N doesn’t reply to her messages and she just sent one on the group chat. She does that sometimes, reads the messages and forgets to reply so we have to send her multiple messages so she sees the notifications and replies” she explained quickly “They’re at a party together, but she’s probably talking to someone and didn’t check her phone”

“Talking? Probably spreading hate towards us” Ivar opened his mouth for the first time since he arrived. Thora pressed her lips together. She felt the need to defend her friend, but Ivar still intimidated her.

“Not us, brother, probably just you” Hvitserk giggled.

“Alfred told me you made her upset the other day in class” Ubbe glanced at his youngest brother with a stern face.  

“Yes, well, she insulted me” he scoffed “He insulted Hvitserk and our family, she’s been doing that for a while now and someone had to make her stop”

Thora opened her mouth. Ivar’s eyes fixed on her, almost defying her to say something.

“I like her, to be honest” Hvitserk shrugged, refilling his wine glass “She’s not afraid of you, she’s not lining up to lick our ass like half of this damned city, she has some courage”.

“Y/N is very… Passionate, she has strong principles” Thora smiled at him “She doesn’t actually hate any of you, she’s just taking care of me, she’s very protective and loyal, she’s an amazing friend and if you give her a chance you’ll see it”.

“If she gives us a chance, you mean” Ivar rolled his eyes “She thinks she knows us after reading four articles in magazines, she’s done nothing but judge us”

Sigurd chuckled then, shaking his head.

“She might not be so wrong about you, brother”

Ivar hummed, and the glare he threw his brother's way made Thora shiver.

“I guess we’ll see in the future, brother”

Hvitserk rolled his eyes and put his arm around her shoulders.

“In any case, I’d love to start again with her, why don’t you tell her to drop by for a couple of drinks after dinner? Tell Ingrid to come too, if she wants”

“Oh, I’d love to” Thora smiled “But they’re at Erik’s place, he was throwing a party and invited Y/N… After practically assaulting her in public, but in any case…”

“Wait, she went to that asshole’s party?” Ivar clenched his jaw, and Thora was startled when he left his glass on the counter very abruptly “Wow, she is stupid”

“Ivar…” Ubbe scolded him again “Leave her alone”

“Maybe Erik actually likes her” Hvitserk raised an eyebrow “He didn’t hurt her yet, did he?”

“Yet?” Thora widened her eyes.

“He doesn’t like her, he just wants to fuck her and she’s stupid enough to fall into his trap…”

“Enough, Ivar” Hvitserk interrupted him, sighing “If they are bored at that lame party tell them to come here, I’m sure Ivar would love it if he could have someone to argue with tonight”.

Ivar rolled his eyes again, and Thora smiled softly, just before her phone vibrated again.

Ingrid was calling. Immediately, her heart started beating faster. She would never call her knowing she was on a date, not unless something had happened.

She excused herself quickly, walking a few steps away from the brothers before picking up.

“Ingrid?”

“Thora” her friend gasped, almost like she just did a great effort “I need help”

“What?” she raised her voice softly, which made the boys look at her “What’s happening?”

“It’s Y/N… Look, I went upstairs looking for her because I couldn’t find her. and I didn’t see Erik either, so I went there to look for them because I had a bad feeling and… I think someone put something in her drink, she’s… Dizzy and when I found her she was leaving Erik’s bedroom, he was inside but he’s perfectly fine… I don’t know what to do, should I take her to the hospital?”

Thora froze. She left the glass on the counter as softly as she could and rubbed her eyes, probably ruining her makeup. She turned to look at Hvitserk and the panic in her eyes made him approach her with a worried frown, if she had looked at Ivar she would have seen him sitting up and looking at her with a frown.

“Y/N… She’s been drinking… Probably a spiked drink, she’s not okay I need to go there with Ingrid and take her to the hospital”

“Fuck” Hvitserk groaned “That fucking son of a bitch”

“Ingrid, I’ll be there as soon as I can, don’t leave her alone” Thora quickly locked her phone again and reached for her purse, still not knowing what to do.

“I knew it” Ivar looked furious, and then punched the wood under the counter that crackled under his fist “I’m gonna kill that fucking clown, I’m gonna…”

“Ivar” Ubbe grabbed his arm before he put whatever he had inside the pocket of his jacket out “Don’t fool around, go with Thora and Hvitserk if you want, I’ll wait here for you and I’ll call Helga, just bring her here, don’t start anything with Erik in his own house and with more people around, is that clear?”

Thora wasn’t sure Ivar had even heard him, as he was busy grabbing his crutch and taking his phone out to make a call.

“I… I can go alone, you guys don’t have to…”

“Are you kidding?” Hvitserk smiled softly at her “I wouldn’t leave my girl alone in a moment like this, now let’s go, we’ll go in my car”

Thora froze again, her face blushed and she bit her lip to hold back a smile.

“Did you just call me…?”

“Are you coming or what?” Ivar roared from the door, which startled her but also reminded her of the seriousness of the situation.

Ivar was already entering the car when they made their way outside. Hvitserk kissed Thora's temple before she climbed into one of the backseats as he made his way to the driver's seat. She could only hear Ivar's growls and heavy breathing for a few seconds, and she stared at him in shock. It was true that she always suspected Ivar having a crush on you, maybe being a bit jealous of Erik and enjoying his banter with you because you were the only one willing to throw some insults his way, but the way he had spoken to you during class -and how upset you were after it, according to Alfred- had made her think his crush wasn't that serious and that you had really gotten on his nerves. But his reaction in the kitchen when she had said what happened to you wasn't the reaction of someone who couldn't care less about what happened to you.

“Do... Do you know where Erik lives?" she asked, realising she hadn't even asked Ingrid when she had called.

“Yes, don't worry gorgeous" Hvitserk smiled at her through the rearview mirror “We've been there a couple of times"

“Okay" she took a deep breath, letting her head rest against the headrest.

It wasn't that far from the Lothbrok's house. They had been only ten minutes in the car when Hvitserk finally stopped the car in front of a house full of people, with multiple windows opened and music coming from the inside. The front door was opened and some people stood on the entrance smoking and drinking. It was only when she stepped out of the car when she spotted Ingrid.

_______________________________________

Tags: @istorkyou @barnes-lothbrok @naaladareia @youbloodymadgenius @southernbe @yummycastiel @nothingtolosebutweight @noway4u @cdauni @heavenly1927 @ivarhoegh @biancathecool @helleiaiwritting @marvelsangels @ironynoticony​ @kenyadakblalock​ @mymindfuckery​ @alexa4040

#ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #modern ivar #vikings #vikings imagine #modern vikings #pull the trigger

[lollytea]

In ASIAS when Hunter was trying to convince various students to join the emperor's coven using rules and order and discipline as the bait, imagine if one of the kids he ran into with this speech was Mattholomule, Little Mr. gets-detention-all-the-time, liar, crypto-bro, counterfeiter-of-books, stealer-of-coven-property, bad-manners, guy-of-all-time (derogatory)?

Hunter was having a crisis talking to Jerbo who's a little radical but still fairly normal, Mattholomule isn't radical but he's so the antithesis of "rule abiding" that I think Hunter would've legit tried to arrest him in front of everyone, effectively blowing his cover, especially when you consider that Mattholomule's entire role in that episode was the aforementioned counterfeiting

Mattholomule fucking WOULD dig so deep under Hunter's skin that he blows his cover after talking to him for twenty seconds. Matt is annoying to most people but to Hunter during his Golden Guard era, he would be fucking INSUFFERABLE.

He would casually mention at least three laws he had broken that week in one sentence, rendering Hunter speechless and then proceed to be like "man being in the Emperor's Coven is like the coolest shit ever. How can you possibly make it sound this lame?" Which spontaneously revives Hunter's ability to speak as he explodes "I am NAUGHT making it sound lame!! It's cool!! I'm telling you how cool it is!!!"

Matt IS an Emperor's Coven fanboy (based on that time he was seen getting Lilith's autograph.) but I think he has an insanely surface level idea of what it even is. Most kids on the Isles do I think. All they see is the flair and the power and the status symbol. So if they were actually gonna send somebody to recruit kids, they'd send somebody who understands the propaganda they're trying to sell, rather than Hunter who's painfully earnest and completely transparent about how awful it is, while being too brainwashed himself to realize that this is neither a good thing nor a selling point.

Of course Matt has Steve who's starting to become a little disillusioned with the whole thing, but judging by Edge of The World, I feel like Steve kept quiet about his feelings until his talk with King, (and might have been hesitant to tell his family just how unhappy he is with his "dream job" as not to disappoint them) so Matt is still under the impression that the Emperor's Coven slaps. But his idea of what slaps is very different from Hunter's, so imagine Matt having the AUDACITY to tell Hunter that all of the shit he's saying isn't true.

Obviously Matt knows more about the EC than this idiot does. Does Hunter have a brother who's a Coven Scout? Thought not. Anyway Matt takes everything Hunter says about rules and authority and waking up at 6am and he's like "Bullshit. That's all bullshit." Before running his mouth about his completely romanticised idea of being a Scout, which involves a lot of criminal activity and Hunter is appalled.

Not only is Matt a blatant criminal but he has the nerve to tell the Golden Guard that he doesn't know anything about the Emperor's Coven?? Seriously??

No yeah this pathetic little elf boy is so obnoxious he's got Hunter blowing the whole operation on the spot. He's gotta arrest his ass. He's also gotta reveal himself as the Golden Guard to prove a point.

In conclusion shoutout to Mattholomule for staying out of the way and keeping his fat mouth shut or Hunter never would have experienced the best day of his life.

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hiii! I was wondering if I could get a matchup for Attack on Titan and My Hero Academia?

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Hetero

Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius/ISFJ (personally, I think my ISFJ is scarily accurate)

Appearance: I am 5’5 with naturally tanned skin. My hair is brown, kinda wavy, and goes a little ways past my hips. I have blonde highlights, though they’re kinda grown out atm. Both of my ear have two lobe and one cartilage piercing. My eyes are a superr dark brown but I’ve been told I have long eyelashes. (As a native, ppl typically compliment my hair, cheekbones, or dimples) Figure wise: I’m on the chubbier side, fuller in the thighs and chest.

Personality: I am a very non-confrontational and quiet person. Eternally anxious. A lot of times, I would rather keep quiet and the peace than speak up. But this is smth I’m working on! If someone else were to start the conversation— I turn into an absolute chatter box. People I’m comfortable with easily make me loud and relaxed. I’m sillier and more outgoing with them. I show a lot of my affection though teasing and laughter. I think I’m really disciplined and responsible (courtesy of having strict parents and being the oldest daughter) I’m extremely family oriented, I grew up basically raising my brothers. I like being involved in communities and making friendships. I’m an empathic person and while I love romanticizing things, I’m a pessimist when it comes down to it. I crave academic validation so much it’s awful but I’m also such a procrastinator-bare minimum will get me by type of student.

Likes: Rain, Cold drinks, sunsets, anything music related, sweet tea, books, doughnuts, family

Dislikes: being yelled at, being ignored, materialism, room-temp. chocolate, deadlines,

Hobbies: Baking, reading, Vinyl collecting, writing, shopping

Extra:

— my dream career is being a pediatric doctor

— my aesthetic had been described as coquette and old money

Thank you!! No rush, love! If you do get to this, sorry it’s kinda long and everywhere! I hope you don’t mind! Thanks again!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Attack on Titan, I match you with...

You and Jean are the perfect romantic couple. Although it annoys everyone around you to no end, you can’t help it. You’re both people who romanticise things and being together only makes that trait stronger.

Please bake with him. Jean craves domesticity so it will mean a lot to him that you’re able to share these peaceful moments together.

In the same manner, Jean also loves reading, listening to music, and going shopping with you. He just wants to spend time with you.

Will never yell at you. Or, he tries his best at least. Only if he gets incredibly stressed will Jena feel close to yelling at you.

Even then, he will recognise the stress and do his best to spend some time away from you to get himself under control. The last thing Jean wants is to hurt or scare you.

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

Koda is a lot like you in the sense that you’re both quiet and reserved people. You’re the more outgoing one but, given time, Koda will start to open up around you more and more.

He’s happy to tag along with you when you go out shopping or hanging out with people but don’t leave him alone for too long. He gets stressed easily in social situations where he doesn't know people.

This guy? Yell at you? I don’t think so. Is Koda even capable of yelling? Either way, he couldn’t even begin to imagine yelling at someone he cares about so deeply.

Loves listening to music with you. I see Koda as someone who really gets into music, especially if the lyrics are something he can relate to.

He’s not sure if he can help you with your procrastination issues but he can certainly show you validation, even if it’s not academic. He thinks you’re great at everything you do and will do his best to show that.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #jean kirstein #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #koji koda

[outofcontexturi]

wed august 17th 2022 journal

I’m hi as hell rn. had to spell it like that cause autocorrect kept fucking with me and ion like that. I’m going into my 3rd year of drama school this September and I’m completely nervous about it. I just can’t believe I’m actually at drama school doing cool things with my life. meeting cool people and actually just living quite bohemian in a way. It’s cool. there’s something so mystifying about it all. alluring. my heart is beating quite fast rn just thinking about it all. im ready. I’m ready to show them all. second year really tried to take my soul from me. just got my pizza. intuition guided me to the door cause it’s 00:35am rn and it was expected to arrive to me at 00:55-1:10am. something higher was calling me I guess. that’s probably a perfect metaphor for what awaits me at the beginning of September. I think I’m gonna miss being a student you know. i think it’s cause I’ve romanticised the idea of what I saw on tv of what it means to be a student. Late nights. Parties. love gone right. love gone wrong. people coming and going. trying to get it right. getting it wrong. getting it right. nights where you feel rich as shit cause student finance dropped vs nights where it’s only pasta and tuna or Lidl brand evenings (not even shitting on Lidl like that; they’re helpful as fuck to nigga. But it’s true man.) early mornings. the travel. the discounts! oh god the discounts. thank god for discounts. we live for the night we will remember with people we won’t forget. just the beginning of the journey for us all. the start point. listening to that motivational playlist on my way to school just to go and live my dream and shit. Be silly for 9 hours everyday. Be the clown so you can laugh at everything. Find humour in it. In the everyday mundane. That’s also another title for how my time has been at LAMDA. I’ve learnt so much on my journey about myself. About my year. About the school. Habits, the good, the bad, the ugly. I learnt about how important it is to pick your tribe wisely cause everyone talks here. And a bad mouth is bad business as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also learnt you have to really trust the process and have faith that you know what you’re doing cause I’ve seen that also the opposite way (when everything goes wrong during a performance) and the consequences that come with that and the self reflection and imposter syndrome that attaches itself to that self reflection too and feeds off your ego. I’ve learnt about how professionalism is a thing that not many of us have. the importance and value of each other’s time and how it can’t be wasted concerning yourself with anything but the goal, anything but the objectives at hand. It serves no one. I’ve learnt how people are. Some people live to lie to people, idk maybe it’s for protection or maybe it’s for manipulation but all I know is I see it in some people and even in myself at times and it’s crazy. I’ve learnt confidence goes a long way. And if I confident in myself that I can achieve anything. I spent many days here angry at myself and my abilities and half assing things in the name of trying not to fuck up or trying to see perfection that stabbed at my confidence and killed it. I had to find my way back to myself. I’m still on that journey now as we speak. I think I’m excited for third year. I’m gonna miss this year and these people. We’ve had one hell of a ride and it’s our last dance (many for the rest of our lives. Others may just be blessed to work with the same member ever again.) we’ll argue, we’ll bitch, we’ll complain, we’ll lash out, we’ll lie, we’ll comfort, we’ll protect, especially interests of ourselves and others close to us, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll go alone, we’ll confide in, we’ll do whatever but we’ll always somehow pull it off in performance szn. every time . I remember Vik saying I need to want this shit more because it was looking like I was half assing everything again. And how it takes me a while to warm up to the audience when I’m on stage and he’s only seeing flashes of my brilliance when he wants to see it there from the get go.

#me #journal

[remmammie]

Any headcanons for Kairi x 3rd person!Reader (who suffers from OCD)

Best if you put a trigger warning

I have never looked into OCD, its causes and symptoms, so I've had to do a little research and I do apologise if it's wrong in any way. I can't speak for people with OCD, but I will try and help with this little bit of writing! I focused heavily on how they deal with it all together, if that's alright.

TW: OCD symptoms and compulsive behaviours.

Kairi x OCD!Reader HCs

The first thing Kairi's partner tells her when they get together is that they have OCD. Like many people, Kairi had heard of the disorder and knew general things about it (repetitive behaviours, etc.) from other people who maybe made jokes about it or compared their everyday routine to "having OCD," but she'd never really explored what the disorder truly entailed.

And the first thing Kairi does is go straight to people and sources she trusts to tell her about OCD, whether that be books, the internet, or maybe one of Ansem's apprentices who she knows have a lot of scientific knowledge.

She starts to piece things together as she watches over her partner, noticing these compulsive behaviours like the ones she had heard about. Now that she's pieced together that these behaviours spawn from fears, Kairi does everything in her power to help them quash these fears the moment they arrive.

If she spots her partner frantically cleaning the house, she offers to help, picks up a sponge and starts cleaning too. If she notices her partner has started hoarding objects, she tries her best to assure them that they're not necessary without offending them. When her partner asks her for reassurance on any topic, Kairi offers the very best advice she can with a bright smile and the whole truth.

While reinforcing these compulsive behaviours might not help in the long run and only provides temporary relief, Kairi quickly notices and is mature enough to decide that, if it begins to become a real issue that distresses her partner a lot, they may need professional help, whether that be in the form of therapy or medicine.

And, after seeking some advice of her own on how to help, Kairi begins to refuse to help with compulsions and encourages her partner to challenge some behaviours. Instead, she might offer a hug or simply offer them some space.

In her partner's moments of heightened emotions, Kairi tries her best to help, getting them what they need whether that be a comfort item or a distraction or giving them space. She's never afraid of her partner during these uncontrollable hysterias; Kairi's just worried and wants to do everything she can to help them feel comfortable.

When she hears people in public romanticising OCD, the whole "maybe I have OCD" after performing an everyday routine, Kairi actually gets pretty angry. These people are completely clueless to what dealing with such a disorder is actually like, simply chalking it up to being "quirky" or "cute." She has half the mind to slap some sense into them or give them a lecture on the reality of it all on the behalf of her beloved, but refuses to cause any conflict.

Still, Kairi does find the positives - the silver lining. Kairi does love and worship her partner, OCD and all - it never made a difference for her. She still tells them to this day that, even if her partner had never told her, Kairi would still be with them. She loves that she gets to spend more time with them relaxing and taking their mind off of things, and enjoys telling them about how much she adores them every day.

#kingdom hearts fanfiction #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts headcanons #kingdom hearts fanfic #kingdom hearts x reader #kh kairi #kingdom hearts kairi

[trickstercaptain]

@harringtontm sent a meme: no matter what happens, i will always love you. : ' )

       Elizabeth's heading had certainly led them somewhere. Just outside of his cabin was sight of Isla Cruces — Jack recognised it by the ruined church in the distance, a grim fable of what Beckett's supposed progress would bring to this part of the world — and, if this last-ditch, desperate gambit did indeed pay off, the location of Davy Jones's still-beating heart. An odd place for him to bury it, but then the island was deserted. Supposedly haunted, too, by the ghost of the vicar himself. A good enough place as any.

       Though no matter how flippantly he tried to play this off, Jack knew what was at stake here. So did Steve, and apparently the nervous energy in the room was shared as Jack sat on the end of their bed, wrapping up his palm in a cloth to once again conceal the black spot. Steve had seen it; there was no use trying to hide what he was doing from him. His partner and ship's bo'sun came to sit beside him and, only after a short while sat in companionable silence, did he finally speak.

       “ You're making this all sound very final, love. ” Jack's response was a little too quick, toying with a loose thread. He didn't really want to hear this from Steve. Not now. But, after a moment of pointedly avoiding his gaze, Jack finally stopped. Lowered his boot back to the floor. Slowly turned to face him. At some point Steve must have grabbed his hand, because he held it now tightly in his own.

       Jack had always hidden behind smoke and mirrors. A myth he'd created to obscure the truth. Or merely just walls he'd built to protect himself. Steve had scaled them long ago. He loved him, more than he'd ever thought he was capable of loving another person. He loved him and he was still terrified.

       Inching closer, Jack finally raised his gaze to meet his. “ I'm not giving in. Not yet. I can't. Not when both of us are still here. I can't... I won't leave you. ” He felt his voice break a little as he said it. Steve would go back to Robin in the event of his death, he knew. Marry her, maybe. Whatever he had to do to continue to keep her and Sarah safe. But as the shell of the man he once was. It wasn't fair to Robin to give Steve back to her in that state. Jack had taken to fiddling with the hem of Steve's shirt instead. “ Davy Jones will simply have to tear me off of you. ”

       He wasn't sure whether he leaned forward first, or whether Steve got there first to pull him in. But Jack's forehead bumped against Steve's chest, head tucked under his chin, and the tension, the pressure left his shoulders at once. They stayed like that, holding each other, until Jack finally turned his head. “ I keep thinking about what might happen — ” If. “ — when I finesse my way out of this. How long do you reckon is left in us? Another twenty years? ” Jack looked up at Steve with a faint smile. Supposing nothing bad happened, of course. Conversations like these were always uttered with such a notion left unspoken. “ When one of us gets too old — I suppose it has to happen sometime — then maybe we could try the whole... retirement thing. Chances are I'll drive you mad and you'll be begging me within a week to go back to being this, ” he gestured with his eyes down at the rest of him, “ and I may just be romanticising the thought because for nearly as long as I can remember, for nearly as long as I've known you, my life has just been a thirteen year clock counting down to its own demise. ” Thirteen years had felt like a long time when he'd first made that deal with Jones. It wasn't. Not at all. “ But Robin and Sarah seem happy with it. Maybe I could be too? If it was with you? ”

#harringtontm #&. and you want to turn pirate yourself. is that it? ( answered. ) #&. verse. what bodes ill ( dmc. ) #&. dyn. found me somebody to love ( jack & steve. ) #sdkfjsdfd just knowing that this is the last real conversation they have before they are separated and jack dies :)))) #and it's jack talking about their future ? end me now #it's the way that in steve jack actually has something to live for in addition to his fear of death/survival instinct #i'm a little obsessed #and even if it hurts... i have to say it's so nice to write jack this open about how he's feeling #but yes so a bittersweet birthday treat for you both !!! happy happy birthday !!!

[jaehwany]

two things we learned through the ep 4 docu that we didn’t get in the actual episode:

oh-aew was influenced by au to dye his hair

this was such an easy thing they could have established if only there were more screen time for his bff group and more meaningful interactions between them. instead, we were left to fill in the blanks and assume it was just oh-aew growing into himself and feeling more comfortable with who he is. while that still holds true, it would have been nice to have shown au being that trigger. even a passing comment or a glance would have sufficed.

the kiss with jai happened because of teh losing control of his emotions

now i don’t believe this for one sec. i’m not sure if it’s bad directing (jk i’m sure it is) because to me, initiating the consent game came across as a calculated move to me. with teh wanting to test the waters with jai and deep down knowing or at least wanting it to lead to something more. and that’s why it’s made all the more worse. he went into that with his eyes wide open.

#i promised you the moon #ipytm #ipytm spoilers #feel like pure shit just want p'boss back #hate that they seemed to gloss over the fact #that teh made use of oh-aew during the sex scene #and the way they tried to romanticise it while speaking about it :/ #i know some people feel like they might be holding back some info #bc of possible upcoming spoilers so we don't have the full picture yet #my expectations are rock bottom at this point but we'll see #ipytm why are u making it so hard to love u 😔 #t

[parkersroses]

champagne problems. | harry styles.

summary: Harry and Y/N meet again after things fell out for them.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

word count: 7.3k words

trigger warnings: mentions of mental health issues and attempt of self harm, angst. if these are triggering to you, pls do not read this.

a/n: (gif credits to @letsmakesomeonehappytoday) i’m super nervous about this, also this is definitely the longest i’ve written. i began writing this last december bc i absolutely love the context of the song and i felt like writing something that touches important issues like mental health. i read and did research on how i could write this properly without having it look like i was romanticising the topic. if you do find it that way, pls feel free to leave constructive criticism so i can further improve and amend on my writing. don’t feel obligated to read this if it is triggering to you. here is a link to some mental health hotlines, i might add some more in another if i find any that are reliable. don’t be afraid to ask for help or even help others if you know they might be struggling.

reblog, comment if you like it or not, or even start a conversation. donate to my kofi if you’d like to support me further. i love you all.

The relaxing and sensual sound of jazz music filled the room. The chandeliers hanging above casted a golden glow over it, making the room more elegant than it did. People were dressed in nice clothing for the new year celebration. 

Harry was not one for New Year’s eve parties, having to prefer sitting in the comfort of his home, sipping on some champagne as he tries to ignore the loud fireworks going off. But considering it was one of his old friends that was hosting this particular party, there was no way he would deny it. He enjoyed having to see his old friends again after a busy year of filming a movie for the world to see one day. 

He stands with his friend, Jake, as he holds a champagne flute in one hand. Talia, his recently girlfriend-turned-fiancée, standing next to him with an arm wrapped around his waist. It had been two weeks since he proposed and two weeks since she said yes to marrying him. It was a joyous time for them after nearly a year of dating. Some might think they rushed but Harry ignored them. He knew if the time was right, then it would be bound to happen eventually. 

Harry’s eyes scan through the sea of people while Jake and Talia are discussing animatedly about something he probably isn’t paying attention to all that much. His eyes wander around until they fall on a familiar figure. He blinks his eyes hard enough to make sure they aren’t playing tricks on him, and they aren’t. The person who he knew and loved before. The person whom he intended to spend the rest of his life with. The person who left him, not giving him a reason as to why. 

Y/N stands with Natalia, occasionally sipping on her champagne as they talk. He should have known that their group of friends would stay in touch with her, even after they broke up years ago. She wears her casual dark jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and heeled boots. A contrast to those around them, wearing fancy dresses and suits. She always stood out in her own way. It was why he loved her then. 

Harry let out a breath, seemingly couldn’t believe that his ex lover is here in the same room as him. Talia notices this and questions, “Babe, you alright?” Harry breaks away his gaze from Y/N before smiling at his dear fiancée. “Yeah, m’fine. Just saw an old friend, s’all,” he assures her as he sips on his drink. 

“Oh, d’you want to talk to her?” She asks, and Harry shakes his head because if he did, he wouldn’t know how to act or say to her. “No worries. Maybe later,” he says. 

As time passes, Harry finds himself focused on Y/N numerous times. In his mind, he is already thinking of ways to talk to her. What would he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Or were they going to pretend everything was fine before she left him? 

When he looks around for her again, he freezes as he sees her eyes staring right back at her, almost looking in shock as he is there too. There is a glimmer in her eyes that he always noticed. She gives him a small yet timid smile from across the room before breaking away from the eye contact. 

Harry decides to pick up what’s left of his courage in his body to walk over and greet her. He leans into Talia’s ear, whispering to her. “I’m just going to meet an old friend. You’ll be okay here?” He says. Talia looks up at him and nods. She assures him that she’ll be alright, saying that she’ll talk to some other of their friends.

As he leaves her side, he walks through the sea of people to look for the person he hadn’t seen in a long time. Harry finds her grabbing another glass of champagne from a nearby tray and he smiles at this. He always knew she liked champagne. She doesn’t notice him walking up to her until he clears his throat. She turns around and her breath hitches as she sees him. Harry’s mouth dries up instantly as his eyes gazes upon her. Despite years of knowing her, he still found her beautiful. 

The corner of his lips curls up slightly. “Hi,” he says quietly, his breath slightly shaking as he spoke. He isn’t sure whether she heard him, but her reply seems to answer that. “Hi,” she replies, with the same nervousness in her voice. 

“Fancy seeing yeh here,” he chuckles. Y/N smiles at this; while it was awkward to have seen her ex in a long while, he never fails to make the situation comfortable for them. “Y-Yeah, you too,” she stutters. 

She is not going to admit it aloud, but she misses the sound of his voice. How deep and raspy it could get. She misses his voice being the first thing she hears when she wakes up, or the hums she would hear in her ear as they would dance with no music on. She misses his touch whenever he holds her close, warmth and protection radiating from his body onto hers. She misses everything about him despite them not being together anymore for a long time, she admits but never out loud. 

Silence fills the gap between as they both figure out what to say. On one hand, they can pretend everything is alright and converse like old friends. On the other, they can push their fears aside and talk about what is actually in their minds that seem to have an affect on their current relationship. 

“So, how’ve yeh been?” He hesitates to ask. He’s not sure whether she would lie to him or give him the proper answer he needs. The answer he wishes he knew. Y/N doesn’t know how to answer that without making it sound as depressing as it is. There had been many times she wanted to give him a reason why she left him, to give him a little bit of closure that he deserves. Perhaps it is her pride that prevented her from doing so. 

“I’m alright,” she says with a small smile on her lips. Her answer could be a lie or the truth. “And, you?” 

He nods slightly at her answer. “I’ve been alright,” He gives her tight smile back. “Been a while since I last saw you,” he says and she nods. “Y-Yeah, way too long,” she says quietly. It’s hard to ignore how insincere the smile he gave her is. Y/N knows him all too well, even when they were no longer together. She knows by that smile that there’s something on his mind, something he wants to say. But she doesn’t question it. 

Harry is aching to ask her. To ask what happened between them, why she left him without a warning, why she had to break his heart the way she did. 

It’s almost like she senses what he is thinking because she then suggests to him. “Want to go outside for a bit?” She gestures to the backyard with her head. 

“Yeah, absolutely,” Harry breathes out. He almost cringes at how desperate he sounds. “Um, after you,” he says, gesturing his hand towards the door. She softly thanks him and Harry follows right behind her outside. 

“So-”

“I-”

The pair speak simultaneously as they walk and they both laugh at it. “Sorry,” she says. Harry dismisses this. “No worries.” 

“You look great, by the way,” she says. Harry smiles at her compliment. “Thank you. You look amazing too,” he returns the compliment. She blushes a bit before muttering a soft ‘thank you’ under her breath.

The cold air wraps around the two bodies that once knew each other’s intimately. The stars look brighter that night and Y/N takes a deep breath as she stares up at the sky. She doesn’t realise how Harry looks at the small breath she let out, or how he admires her side profile like he used to when she sleeps. He stares at her for a bit more, like he’s remembering again what she looks like, before averting his eyes to the night sky.

“Saw you had a date back there. Someone special I assume?” She asks out of the blue. Harry freezes in his place. “Y-Yeah, she is,” he blurts out and clears his throat. “My fiancée, actually,” he says and he looks at her to see her reaction. 

Y/N is surprised at first, feeling her whole body tense up before she relaxes. But Harry catches it. “That’s great. Congratulations, Harry,” she smiles at him before turning back the stars. She promises she is genuine about it. But maybe she’s just telling herself that. “How long have you both been together?”

“Nearly a year now,” he says. Y/N lets his answer sink in her head. A year, she thought. We were together longer than that for you to propo-

“Seems like a short time, huh?” She jokes, but Harry only gives a small smile. “Is it though? Too soon to ask if we’re both ready?” He says, as if he’s mocking her and something. And that sent a shard through her chest. Harry curses at himself, he shouldn’t be saying things like that despite them not being together anymore. She looks down at the ground like it was suddenly the most interesting thing and shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she apologises. Harry is quick to shake his head at her. “No, no. I’m sorry for how I said it. You did nothing,” he says. Y/N is silent for a bit before saying back to him.

“No, really. I didn’t mean to make things weird or uncomfortable between us. I’m just.. Sorry,” she says. 

“How are you, Y/N?” He asks genuinely. Y/N is confused at first, wondering why he is asking the same question again. “I already told you, Harry. I’m alri-,”

“I mean, how actually are you?”

She turns to him, seeing as Harry is already looking at her with a solemn expression. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he says softly, almost sounding like he doesn’t want to scare her. And she knows what he meant and what he wants to know. 

Y/N suddenly feels a lump forming in her throat and breathes in deeply. She clears her throat, hoping her voice doesn’t waver when she speaks. “I promise I’m okay, Harry. I just,” she sighs and closes her eyes. 

“I don’t know. I’ve been getting by on my own. Trying to work on myself, you know, since,” her words falter, but Harry knows what she means. Since she left him without an answer to one of the most important questions in life. He nods his head slightly even though she doesn’t see it. 

He lets out a sigh as he looks up at the starry night. “You know, it’s… kind of surreal. Us being here I mean,” he says. Y/N looks at him again with confusion written all over her face. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I called but you never seem to answer. I just wanted to see how’ve yeh been, you know?” He confesses, throwing this big weight out in the open. 

Y/N has her head hung low, like a child being scolded for stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. But she knows he means well. And she hates how not only she caused problems for herself, but the person she once loved. 

“I just… I miss my best friend, Y/N. I miss having her around,” he says, and he doesn’t realise how his words hit her like a truck. She breathes in sharply, feeling a slight pain in her throat. “And you don’t think I felt the same way then?” She asks softly, her voice already wavering. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, love, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” He���s quick to apologise but she dismisses it while ignoring the fact that he called her a very familiar pet name he used to use on her. “It’s fine,” she says, and her voice is almost quiet enough for you to not hear her.

“It’s just,” she breathes out and she looks up hoping that tears won’t escape her eyes. “I wanted to let you in. I could’ve answered the phone. But I didn’t. I know how bad I left things between us, H.” Harry’s heart jumped a bit at hearing her say ‘H’ again. She used to always call him that. It still sounds lovely as it leaves her lips. 

“I wish I could’ve told you why I left you kneeling with the ring still in your hand. I couldn’t, though. Maybe I wasn’t ready that time, or never was.” It hurts for her to say this because she has imagined spending the rest of her life with him countless times. “I’ve had this constant battle in my mind for so long. I thought that maybe if I ignore it, it’d be like it never was there and we’d be alright. But it got worse and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I held it on for so long and I couldn’t say anything because I knew I’d somehow ruin everything. Well, I did in the end.” And she feels tears streaming down her face. 

Harry feels his tears escaping his eyes too, but doesn’t make the effort to wipe them away. As if he’s paralyzed in where he stands. “A-And, what happened after that?” he asks ever so gently.

Y/N wipes her tears away and takes a deep breath before continuing the sad story they’re on. “I lived with it and the thoughts consumed my mind. S-Sometimes, they can get dark.” She confesses but not all at once. She won’t tell him how she felt herself crumbling down and how her mother found her unconscious in the bathroom, overdosing on some pills she found. She won’t tell him how hard she cried in her hospital bed over the pain she was in. It felt like a shard puncturing through Harry’s heart. The fact that she had been struggling all this while and he never noticed it, it kills him. 

“Then, one day, I just decided to find help. I knew I needed help. And I’ve been having sessions with a psychiatrist for a few months now.” And she smiles through her tears. “I’ve been working a lot on myself, been on medication and all. Then, maybe one day, when I feel ready for it, I’d come find you, apologise for the problems I caused between us. Didn’t think it’d be tonight, though.” She jokes and hangs her head low again, like she’s scared to see what Harry thinks of her now. Just a girl who’s sick in the head. 

There is an uncomfortable silence between them and Harry speaks up again. “You infuriate me sometimes, you know?” Y/N looks at him and his eyebrows are pressed together like he’s mad. She is once again confused at what he meant. “I would’ve listened. I would’ve helped you. I would’ve,” he pauses and runs his fingers through his brown curls, taking a breather so he won’t actually lose his temper. But for Y/N, it’s like she wanted him to scream at her. Yell at her for leaving him behind for her own selfish needs. 

“I would’ve looked after you,” he says softly, and it’s heartbreaking to hear the pain in his voice. “I didn’t want to burden you, H. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she says gently and Harry shakes his head at her. “Is that what you thought? That you’d burden me?” She only shrugs at him with a sad smile. 

“I heard it before.” She says, and it makes Harry furious that anyone would toss aside the state of her mental health. “It’s not because of your job, Harry. Or your fans,” she assures him. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with what I’ve been going through. You deserve someone who isn’t as fucked in the head as I am,” she says. 

Harry now has tears running down his cheeks. He now wishes he could go back and actually pay more attention to her, instead of being ignorant to it. He remembers when she left, the neighbourhood had quite a bit to say about the rejection, particularly on her. They often talked about how insane she was to deny his proposal because marriage is what every woman needs, right? Granted, he told them off not to speak about Y/N so poorly ever again, but he still wishes he could’ve seen the signs when it got worse for her.

Now, she stands in front of him, and it might be wrong to admit this, but she still looks just as beautiful as the day he lost her. Her eyes still have the same shine and her smile still has the same warmth to it. He lets out a small laugh. “This is not how I actually planned to spend my New Year’s eve,” he says jokingly and they both laugh, almost like the entire sad conversation did not occur. “I know,” she says, smiling at him. She doesn’t realise how her words took him back to when they would get drunk on wine while watching romantic comedies together on their couch. 

“This is quite an interesting relationship you and I have,” he says smiling as he looks up at the starry night. She smiles at him too before doing the same. It’s the comfortable silence filling the gaps between them now. Just two people under the stars, one has it all figured out while the other has champagne problems. 

She looks back at the building, gold lights still shining as people are getting drunk and ready for the countdown. “You should probably go back to your fiancée, H,” she says. Harry sighs as their time together has come to an end and nods. “Um, it was really great seeing you, Harry,” she says as her feet fidgets against the ground. She feels like a teenager talking to her crush again. 

Before he even thinks, Harry has his hand up, brushing off the piece of hair of face, and his thumb lightly brushes over her cheeks a bit. “You too, Y/N,” he says, and he means it. Y/N feels her face warm up, before nodding her head at him and leaving. “Where’re yeh going?” He calls out to her. Without looking back, she calls back to him. “Home!” 

He only looks at her leaving for a moment before calling out to her again. “Y/N, wait!” 

Y/N stops in her tracks and looks back at him. “Um,” he fumbles on his words. “If I call you, not tonight, or tomorrow, just if any day after this, because we’re on good terms, uh,” he blurts out his words as she watches him, amused by what he wants to ask. “If I call, will you answer? Like I said before, I miss my best friend,” he shrugs and has almost a pleading look. Y/N’s heart melts at him and she smiles. 

“I will, H,”

❊

Since their last meeting, a lot of things have been on his mind and one of them was Y/N. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the conversation they had. He knew now that it must’ve taken a lot of bravery to speak up about what she was going through. And he was proud of her. He really was.

He has been thinking about calling her for a while. He just doesn’t know what he’ll say. He wants to know how she’s feeling even though he’ll never know what it felt like for her to go through the dark times she went. But he could try to understand. He owes her that, at least. He spends some of his time off reading about mental health issues and educating himself more now.

Talia wanted to start planning their wedding, which makes Harry fill up his schedule more between wedding plans and music plans. He tries his best to accommodate whatever Talia wants for their special day. Though, sometimes he finds himself not focusing on the shades of white she suggested for her dress.

Sometimes, Talia would get mad at him for not prioritizing their wedding, seemingly as it was a very important thing for them, well, more for her. She gets mad at him for not focusing on their plans instead of hiding in his studio. She once told him to get his act together because if he wasn’t serious about this, he never would have asked her to marry him. That knocked a nail on the head as she stormed out of the room after another small argument.

Part of him thinks it's the thought of marriage finally sinking in his head. He has the girl, he got a ‘yes’, it should be as exciting as when he asked her. But he finds himself in and out of planning, always reverting his focus back to music, like he’s stalling. He still hasn’t told Talia about Y/N, but there was no need to since he’s with her and not Y/N. When Talia asked about his slightly red eyes at the party, he lied and said something was in his eyes. She believed it, of course.

Now, he’s thinking back to the situation with Talia. He admits he hadn't been paying attention to her as much as he should or helping out with their wedding. But her words now stuck with him. If he wasn’t serious about marrying Talia, he wouldn’t have asked her. He tells himself that he really does love her and he knows she loves him. So why is he hesitating almost at the thought of marriage? Why does it feel like he’s leading her on? He was so sure he wanted her. Unless he only asked her for the hell of it and to not be lonely. 

He sits quietly in his little studio with his thoughts as his company. What is he really doing? He really doesn’t know. 

❊

She’s laying down on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling again. She does this a lot, having nothing much to do at home other than rereading the books on her shelf or following a recipe for a delicious meal. Instead, she lays down staring at the blank ceiling thinking of how her life went. And in the state of all nothingness, she thinks of him. 

Meeting Harry again opened up a whole jar of emotions she kept hidden. It was no doubt that she still cared for him. She was still in love with him and if they were in another universe, she’d tell him that. She’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to him, for causing so much hurt to him. But she couldn’t. He belongs to someone else now. Someone who is more worthy of his love and time. And she’s happy for him, genuinely she is. 

As she thinks about him, she recalls back to the days before it all went wrong. She remembers being scared. She had found his mother’s ring in between his clothes as she was putting away their laundry. She remembers being terrified of the commitment Harry was in. She knew for certain that he would ask her sooner or later. But for her, she still doesn’t know. She wants to marry him, but is she ready for it? Is she worthy of him devoting his love and time to her for the rest of his life? 

That’s when the doubts came in. She was always battling the thoughts in her head more often after finding out that he might propose to her. She keeps a disguise up, pretending she’s not screaming for help or suffering, hoping that maybe it’ll go away and when he asks, she’ll say the answer he wants to hear. But she didn’t keep the disguise up for long. 

When they arrived at Harry’s family home, she was overwhelmed. She saw the bottle of expensive champagne on the kitchen table. Their friends were there too. She was told they were just having a family gathering along with their friends, but she knew what was about to happen.

Nothing could prepare her for when Harry pulled her out the backyard, kneeling down in front of her with his mother’s ring in hand. She could still remember the look on his face, so bright and in love, then having to see it all disappear and his expression drop. He was speechless, so speechless that it took him a minute to snap out of it and run after her as she exited the house. She passed by the living room and had a glance of how everyone was rather to celebrate; no applause or cheers of congratulations were made.

She felt a lot of things that day. Pain, embarrassment, guilt, regret.

Now, a year later, she likes to think she’s doing better, not only for her family or Harry, but for myself. It’s safe to say it was going well for her, she definitely felt better. That dark part of her life was always going to be a part of her, but she was glad she did something about it. 

She had struggled a lot before asking for help. She always had trouble sleeping and always felt herself drained to the core. She took some sleeping pills in hopes to feel better. Until one day, she just decided to down the whole bottle like she was downing a bottle of alcohol. She was lucky enough that her mother was around when she found her, her father too was quick enough to call an ambulance. It was too hazy for her to remember precisely what happened after. When she got admitted, she cried to her mother of how much pain she was in, and it killed her. She thinks of how selfish and stupid it was for her to do something like that. That’s when she decided she needed help, like really needed help. 

It’s funny how life works sometimes. A few months ago, she was found nearly dead. She has been recovering now. It took a while to open up during her psychiatry sessions and her mother monitored her to make sure she was doing alright. She lives alone now, but still has her mother check up on her. She didn’t find it annoying, in fact she asked her mother to watch over her a bit because she doesn’t trust herself. 

She’s healthier now, keeping herself busy to reflect and work on herself. And it did cross her mind a few times before to find Harry, to maybe apologise to him. But she thought that perhaps he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. And that’s okay for her. Plus, she always hoped that he would find someone else that’ll love him just as much as she did him. 

He hasn’t contacted her since they last met and she wonders whether he’s scared of doing so. Then again, she hasn’t made the effort to contact him too. Maybe they’re both scared. 

She was about to get up and make herself some coffee after feeling a bit thirsty. She takes out a mug and sets it on the counter before she hears a knock on her door. She freezes in her place, her face scrunches up in confusion. She doesn’t remember having anyone making plans to come by. She hasn’t contacted her friends in a while and her parents would have told her that they would visit. 

Knocks on her door snaps her out of her trance as she realises she is still in the kitchen. She slowly walks up to the door and looks through the peephole. To her surprise, she sees Harry standing right before her door. She pulls herself back from the door and thinks for a moment. How did he know where she lived now? Why is he here when he could have just called her? 

Realising that he’s probably waiting outside for too long, she takes deep breaths and opens the door. There he is. Standing in his usual white t-shirt where you could see his tattoos through it, his black joggers hugging his muscular legs with some sneakers on his feet. His hair is a bit disheveled and she could imagine him running his fingers through it in a nervous and stressful manner. 

“Hi,” he says breathily. His expression is somewhat hopeful, she thinks. “Hey,” she replies, giving a small smile. He’s fidgeting on his feet, something she knows he does when he’s nervous. So why is he nervous? She’s trying to come up with different theories in her head. 

“Um, may I come in?” Harry asks. Y/N snaps out of her thoughts again and nods quickly, opening the door wider for him to walk through, hearing him mumbling a small ‘thanks’ under his breath. Harry looks around the small new apartment she now lives in, smiling at how it is very much her character the way she put things together.

She locks the door behind her and clears her throat as she faces him. “Sorry for showing up out of the blue like this,” he apologises. She only smiles and shakes her head. “No, no worries. I was just... wondering how you found where I live. I don’t think I ever told you that,” she says questionably. 

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly. “Your mother, actually,” he says. She rolls her eyes playfully at this and lets out a small laugh. Of course, her mother would let him know where she lived. Her parents always loved Harry and treated him as family. Even when they fell apart, they still cared about him. After all, he was one of the only good things in her life that she cherished. 

“Of course, she would. She still loves you for all I know,” she says with a sheepish smile. Harry throws his back in laughter and it makes her smile even more. “Well, I guess I might have to visit them again some time,” he says, smiling cheekily at her. 

For a moment, it feels like everything was normal between them.

She shakes her head at him as she plays with her fingers, something he knows she does when she is nervous. “Um, I guess you’re here to talk about something else?” She asks, and she sees how his smile falters just a bit. “Yeah, actually,” he mumbles under his breath, but she hears him.

She nods with a tight smile on her face, seemingly trying to mask her anxiousness behind it. “Okay. Uh, just, make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of water,” she says, hurrying off to the kitchen before Harry could say anything. She sets a glass down and gets a jug of water. Her hands are shaking just a bit and she tells herself to calm down. It’s just Harry, she thinks. Whatever he wants to say couldn’t be that bad. Right?

She comes back to the living room where Harry is. He hasn’t sat down on the couch, instead he’s just standing in the middle of the room, looking around and admiring the little touches she put like the indoor plants and the paintings on the wall. She gently sets the glass down on the coffee table, the glass making a ‘clink’ sound on the surface. Harry turns around to face her and smiles, his little dimple making an appearance on the corner of his lips. She smiles back at him before clearing her throat. 

“You had something you wanna say?” She asks, fiddling with her fingers. Harry nods slightly. “Yeah, I do. Um,” he begins as he rubs the back of his neck lightly. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say, been practicing the words in my head. So, I’m sorry if it ends up a mess,” he says, letting out a small laugh. She laughs a bit with him too. Nodding as she gestures for him to continue, he breathes in deeply before letting his words out.

“After we met last time, I, uh,” he begins and she swears she could hear how loud and fast her heart is beating. “I’ve just been reflecting on how we left things off. And I promise I meant to call you sooner, but I just didn’t know what I’d say that won’t make things weird and awkward,” he stops to look at her for a moment and the expression on his face is almost so familiar to her. 

“When you told me your story, I felt a lot of things. I felt… upset and angry that I couldn’t read the signs that were so evidently there. I thought maybe I realised it sooner, or tried harder to help, I could’ve helped you and you wouldn’t have felt to have gone through it alone. I hated how you were alone in this and how you helped like you couldn’t talk to me about,” His breaths are shaky, like he might break any minute. She wants to caress his face so badly, comfort him, but she knows it wouldn’t be appropriate. He’s still engaged to someone else after all. 

She looks down at her floor, taking a gulp in her throat. “Harry, what are you saying?” She asks ever so softly. 

“I’m saying that… you don’t have to go through it alone, darling. I’m saying that I wanna be there for you now. Albeit it has been months, but,” he pauses to take a breath. “If you give me a chance, to let me in, I promise to always be there for you and to be by your side all the time. Whenever you need me.” 

Y/N takes a moment to process what he had just said, shaking her head at him. “Harry, I,” she takes in a sharp breath. “I don’t think you need to do that.” Harry’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Why not?” 

“I just, I don’t want to burden you. I’ve already made it hard for my parents enough,” she says, trying to convince him even though all she wants is for him to be by her side. He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. “You’ll never be a burden to me, love. I want to be there for you always. It’s my choice to do this,” 

“What about your fiancée? What’s she gonna think about her fiancé or husband soon when he’s out there looking after some girl, Harry?” 

“You’re not just some girl, Y/N. You’re my best friend. And I,” he pauses in his words again and takes a deep breath. “What?” She asks nervously. 

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly and his expression almost looks guilty. “And I’m in love with you,” he says and that’s when she feels that her heart stops. He loves me, she thinks. All the time, she thinks the feelings would have gone away but here he is, in her living room, telling her he’s in love with her.

“No,” she says. Harry is surprised by her response. “No?” He repeats.

“You’re not in love with me anymore, Harry,” she says, almost like she’s trying to convince herself that. “Yes, I am, love. I’m still in love with you, even after all this time,” he says desperately to her. 

“Don’t do this to me, Harry. It’s not funny,” she says as her voice starts to waver. “It’s not fair to your fiancée for you to say this.” It’s funny to her how she still doesn’t know her name, but maybe she doesn’t know hers either. Harry steps closer to her and his heart breaks a little when she steps back. 

“Darling,”

“Don’t, Harry! Please,” she practically begs him. “Just go back to her. It’s been a good talk and it’s good to see you again but you have to leave,” 

“I don’t want to leave you, Y/N,” he says and it’s surprising how calm he is at this moment. 

“Harry, I,” 

“I’m not engaged anymore,” he says, cutting her off. She stares at him in shock and disbelief. “What do you mean?” She asks. He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I broke it off with Talia. There won’t be any wedding,” he confesses.

“So what? You broke up with her just to look out for me? Are you insane!?” She exclaims. She doesn’t want to believe that he broke up with her because of her. She thinks back if she would’ve hid from him during the party, he’d still be in a happy relationship with Talia with no problems. Once again, she’s thinking it’s all her fault.

“I’m as sane as I can be,” He says, raising his voice slightly to match her tone. She shakes her head, paces in her place, muttering ‘no’s to herself. “Darling, look at me,” Harry says gently as he steps closer to her. “No, this isn’t happening,” She’s now muttering words to herself and it breaks him even more to think she might think this is her fault when it’s not. 

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says as he tries to get her to look at him, but to no avail, she keeps her eyes away from him. “No, Harry. We can’t,” she says and she realises now how tears are starting to fall from her eyes. “Yes, we can, darling! Just listen to me,” he tries to convince her.

“You belong with Talia, Harry! Someone who has her life put together, a-and, someone who’s not fucked in the head as I am! She’ll make you happy!” She tells him, almost trying to convince him to go back and fix his relationship. 

“She won’t make me as happy as I was with you. It wouldn’t be fair to her,” Harry says to her as he tries to cup her face and wipe her tears. “What wouldn’t be fair to her? Huh?” 

“It wouldn’t be fair to lead her on when I’m in love with you!” 

And then, everything stops. Silence fills the room and all you could hear are the heavy breaths between them. Harry runs his hand over his face before speaking again. “I tell myself that I’ll be able to love again after you. But the love I’ll have for any other will never amount to the love I have for you. It wouldn’t be fair to move on with Talia when all I could think about is you. When I know I’ll always be madly in love with you,” he tells her, his voice wavering with every word he says.

She breathes in shakily, feeling the painful lump in throat. “Maybe if we hadn’t met that night, you wouldn’t have to think like that,” she says so softly under her breath, like she was ashamed. She looks down like a child being scolded by a parent. 

She hears him stepping closer to her and this time, she doesn’t step back away from him. She feels his hand under her chin, lifting her head up so she has no choice but to look at her. His forest-green eyes, ever so beautiful, are glossy with the tears he holds. “I wish you’d stop thinking that this is your fault when it’s not, darling,” he says gently to her.

She realises how close their faces are together, feeling his breath hitting her face as they stare at each other with the same look. She sees it in his eyes. Love. And maybe it’s because she’s emotionally exhausted or she realises how there is still love in his eyes for her and only her. 

She gently yet hesitantly puts her hand on his cheek, seeing as how he leans into her touch with his eyes closed, as if he misses her touch all this time. She doesn’t waste another second before pulling his face closer and letting their lips crash against each other. Harry is quick enough to reciprocate the action. His hand that is not on her hand wraps itself around her torso so move her closer to her. All he wants is to be close to her. 

She whimpers into the kiss as she feels tears streaming down her face again. She misses this. She misses his kisses, how soft and plump his lips feel against hers and how they taste. She misses the way he pulls her closer to him because he doesn’t want any space in between them. She misses him. 

They don’t know long they have been kissing until they break apart to catch their breath. She feels dizzy after the kiss while he feels like he’s on cloud nine. Their lips still brush against each other and Harry pecks her lips softly as she whimpers at the action. 

“I love you,” she finally tells him. And it feels so good to say it again to him. Harry sighs shakily, almost in disbelief that she said those three words, and his lips break out into the biggest smile. “Really?” He asks. She giggles as her hands cup his face. 

Harry sighs and leans his head back with his eyes closed, looking so bliss in the moment. “I’m sorry. Can you say that again? I wasn’t paying attention,” he says teasingly with a smug smile on his face. Y/N gasps and playfully punches his shoulder a bit, making him laugh. 

“I love you, you handsome idiot,” she says laughing at him. Harry shakes his head with a wide stupid grin on his face. He rests his forehead on hers, their noses brushing against each other’s. “Again, please. Just so I know I’m not dreaming this,” he says, his eyes closed as he savours in the moment. 

She grabs his face in her hands and pulls him away so she could look at him. He notes how soft yet small her hands felt as caresses his face. “I love you,” she says again, more gently but having more love and passion in her words. And she loves saying it because she does.

She has always loved him and always will love him. Her beats for him as his does for her. Her thoughts are filled with nothing but him. Looking at him now, he feels just as lovely and beautiful as the days they were together before. She knows that she’ll never love another as much as she loves him. She’ll fully admit that she is crazy, stupidly, madly and truly in love with him. 

Harry smiles ever so lovingly at her as his large hands cup her face. At this moment, it feels right, like they belong together. Despite the odds and struggles she had to go through, he promises to never leave her side, to always be around, to always be the shoulder she needed to cry on, to lend her his arms to give her the warmth and comfort she deserves. And he admits that he is truly, madly and deeply in love with her too. 

“I love you too,” he says as he brings their faces closer to each other, enclosing the gap between their lips again. He misses the way her lips gelt and how sweet they taste against his. He swears he’ll never get tired of loving her. Their lips move against each other slowly and gently as they try to savour in the moment. A moment that just felt right to them. For a moment, her champagne problems are forgotten, even though it’s still something that will always be a part of her.

They part away soon after, now staring into the eyes they fell in love with. Their smiles are permanently inked on their faces as the two lovers look at each other with the only things they have on their mind that will get them through. 

Love and hope. 

And somehow, that was everything. 

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #parkersroses writing #parkersroses masterlist

[bloodstained-ballgowns]

Things I Loved About Black Widow (2021).

*Spoilers*

Yes it’s been almost two weeks since release. Yes I’ve seen it almost three times now. Yes, all my thoughts are still a jumble. Somewhat ordering them for this post will be difficult.

Honestly, the entire first 53 minutes of this movie is perfect to me. Everything about it. The dialogue, the action, the way it’s able to convey so much without words, how it’s just Natasha, Yelena and Mason, everything is just *chef’s kiss*. (This isn’t to say the remaining 1hr 21mins is bad, it’s just not as perfect as the first act imo)

I have a thing for scores and god bless Lorne Balfe he really understood the assignment on this one. If you haven’t already, take a few minutes to listen to his composition, specifically ‘Natasha’s Lullaby’. I love when you can hear a story in music and I think this score does that really effectively.

Nat speaking Russian! Nat speaking Russian! The way she reverts back to it in the opening scene when she’s scared! I wish we’d gotten more of it honestly, especially in the family dinner scene, even something as simple as ‘pass the salt’.

Also, her Russian accent in the Budapest flashback! It was quiet but definitely there, and it showed that her American one was something she had to train herself back into once she defected, which I appreciated.

“I stashed that like five years ago” Is this a canon hint that Nat hoards her food? Maybe?! I’ll take what I can get to satisfy my headcanons thanks.

Natasha and Yelena’s fight sequence in the apartment is the best fight scene in the movie. No arguments.

So much of my inner monolgue while watching was just ‘imsogayimsogayimsogay”. That much leather and that many piercings??! The BRAIDS?? This movie is for the wlws.

Mason you absolute icon I love how much you care about Natasha I love that you’re sleeping everywhere because same. (You deserved better than to be a Taskmaster misdirect). Please turn up in more MCU properties as Yelena’s contact or something.

“But you’re not a mouse, Melina. You were just born in a cage, but that’s not your fault.” THIS LINE!!!

AND THIS ONE. “You took my childhood, you took my choices and tried to break me. But you’re never gonna do that to anybody ever again.” The emphasis on choice vs children, how it’s always been about bodily autonomy instead of the romanticised horror of sterilisation that Whedon went with. 

“I never let myself be alone long enough to think about it.” I GASPED.

HONOURABLE MENTION: “You didn’t work in the shadows, you hid in the dark,” (or something). There’s something really satisfying about that line. 

Everything about this film is so inherently female, I love it when things don’t reek of testosterone.

I’ve heard some critics say this movie felt really ‘isolated’ and ‘disconnected’ from the rest of the MCU because of the time jump and how many new characters there were and I have to hard disagree there. The appearance of Secretary Ross, name-dropping Tony Stark, and the continued references to the Avengers were not only realistic but also really cemented this oneshot in-universe for me. 

*cue me flapping my hands and opening another draft because every separate point is eliciting another two paragraphs of analysis that I absolutely cannot include on this post or it will never end*. Man I love this movie. See the read-more because this is getting longgg.

Similarly, how it actually carries through on a lot of previous set up, mostly from Avengers 1, like with ‘Dreykov’s daughter’ and “thank you for your co-operation”. I got very nervous when they announced they were going to tackle Budapest because a) I didn’t think anything they came up with would ever live up to the hype people gave that line so it would only end in disappointment and b) I’ve never particularly cared, to be honest. (it was a throwaway line in Avengers 1 that was repeated for nostalgia in Endgame in a context that now makes no sense, forgive me for being indifferent) but I actually loved how it tied everything together.

The way it reclaims her from every male creator that’s handled her (fuck the Russos and M&M) while simultaneously keeping the best of what they managed to foster (again, Avengers 1 is a heavy influence, and rightly so, but it gives a fat middle finger to AOU, also rightly so).

How competent Nat was shown to be without being unbeatable. She fully got her ass handed to her a couple of times, and yes, it’s very unrealistic that she was able to go through two car accidents, fall off that bridge, out of that window and then out of the sky without being seriously injured, but we finally got to see the physical manifestations of some of that pain! She was holding her ribs when she got out of the water, the bruises on her back, the dislocated shoulder, and the blood splatters were actual splatters when she broke her nose rather than delicate dabs.

This might be an unpopular one, because I know this was what a lot of people were expecting more of, but I was glad Natasha’s youth in the Red Room was confined to the opening credits. The aftermath of that training and Natasha as a product of it has always been more fascinating to me than the actual event.

As an older sister myself, the dynamic between Natasha and Yelena really struck home for me. Yelena’s pride in Nat and need for approval and validation from Natasha in conflict with realising Nat’s flaws, wrestling with her disappointment, seeing how human Nat is, were perfectly portrayed by Florence Pugh. I could completely relate to Nat, who, despite trying to convince herself otherwise, couldn’t fight her fierce protective instinct and specific brand of unconditional love that only an older sister will ever feel. 

A diverse set of Widows!

I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of comics references in this movie. The frame where she jumped through the fire from the Waid/Samnee run, the pheromonal lock.

Now I have my problems with Scarlett Johansson, but I came out of this movie with a lot of respect and a little bit of pride in her. It’s clear that she put her everything into this movie, both as an actor and executive producer. She obviously cares immensely about Nat and how she’s portrayed, and it’s clear from interviews that the things she loves and finds fascinating about Nat are the same as the fans. (I also feel a little bit sorry for the way she’s getting brushed over in the coverage in favour of a new and shiny Florence Pugh, so this is me expressing some ScarJo-as-Natasha appreciation).

A big question I had going in was, ‘Natasha’s always reflecting the people around her, but what’s she like when she’s alone, and has only her own mind for company?’ and this movie really answered that for me. Seeing her out of her suit and wearing clothes that were for her, not for a cover or a mission, seeing her drink beer and eat ice cream and let her hair dry while watching a Bond film she’s obviously seen many times before, it was all perfect. The scenes in the caravan were a huge step for humanising women in action movies. 

I’ll probably be adding to this post a lot because this movie will not leave my mind and new things are occurring to me at the most random points. 

See my ‘Things I...didn’t like as much about Black Widow’ post here.

#black widow #black widow spoilers #natasha romanoff #marvel #yelena belova #mcu #scarlett johansson #antonia dreykov #melina vostokoff #alexei shostakov #my post #black widow analysis

[jaskiersvalley]

@chubbykatsudon allowed me to ramble on a little about reverse A/B/O when Omegas are the ones who rules society while Alphas are locked away because they're too dangerous, too violent to hold a responsible role in life. Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your inbox at all times. <3

As the first Omega child of Lettenhove's ruling family, there were expectations on Jaskier. He would wed another Omega of equal rank and, together, they would find an Alpha that was already broken in and as tame as their money could buy. Lettenhove came with some reinforced rooms fot to hold an Alpha. Allegedly Jaskier's sire had been one of the more gentle Alphas, content to sate heats and never asking for more than given.

Naturally, Jaskier had to defy all expectations and he hit the road like some common Beta. Even worse, he found himself not just an Alpha, but a whole pack of them. To make matters even more humiliating, they were Witchers. Sterile, useless Alphas who were not good for anything other than throwing at brutish monsters that terrorised the good folks of the Continent. Despite predictions, gossip and even ill-wishers, Jaskier had never been happier. He gladly gave his status and name to any Alpha Witcher who needed it. Even offered his collar to make their travels easier as he couldn't be beside them all at the same time. Though Jaskier never wanted to play favourites, he most often travelled with his first Alpha, Geralt. He was always so gentle when Jaskier's heat came, reverent at being allowed to help when he'd been raised to believe that no Omega would even look at him with anything but disdain.

There was a contract near a village, the description was rather hit and miss, leaving Geralt unable to determine just what kind of creature they were dealing with. All they knew what that it stole livestock, broke into houses and scared a Beta maid almost lifeless. She had sworn up and down that, whatever it was, it was large, black, stinking worse than anything she'd encountered before and shrieked at being seen before fleeing. It left Geralt stumped but he dutifully set out to track the creature. Thrilled at the prospect of a new creature giving inspiration for new ballads, Jaskier tagged along.

"Could it be a demon? Or an imp?" He asked, trailing after Geralt with a skip in his step. "Or maybe a cursed creature? Just imagine! You could break the curse and it would make for such a romantic ditty!"

"Hush!" Geralt growled and Jaskier giggled. He'd never found the growls of his Alphas to be intimidating and time did nothing to change his view. However, he did fall silent, scenting the air and finding it acrid with something he'd never really smelled before.

They emerged in a clearing, one that quite obviously was home to something. There was a paltry shelter covered with a stolen sheet, a firepit and the remains of a goat. Jaskier couldn't help but be grateful that it wasn't Eskel with him on this particular contract.

"Hello?" Geralt called out, peering towards the shelter. What Jaskier didn't know what that he could hear the rapid heartbeat of someone in there, combined with the sour smell of fear. "We just want to talk."

It was quite obvious whoever had made a home there was the one responsible for the village's woes. Jaskier nodded towards the tent in question and Geralt nodded. Even mouthed "Alpha" at Jaskier, quite certain that whatever it was, it was or at least once had been, human.

"Can we help you?" Jaskier asked softly, moving towards the tent. He crouched down to peer in and, with no warning, a figure burst out, sending Jaskier sprawling before trying to dash past. Unfortunately Geralt was in the way and the man bounced off him, landing in an ungraceful heap on the ground.

Winded, Jaskier sat up and watched as the man cowered before Geralt. When he stood up it got so much worse and, three steps closer, Geralt actually stepped between Jaskier and the man, warning him off.

"You poor thing," Jaskier sighed. "We mean no harm."

Such words fell on deaf ears and each time Jaskier tried to approach, trying to calm the Alpha with his scent, it had to opposite effect. At least with Geralt the man was submissive, allowing himself to be pulled upright and scented even if he trembled so bad, Jaskier was scared he'd fall down.

"Nilfgaard," Gerlat declared. His eyes landed on the Alpha's neck and a growl built in his chest. A violent bonding bite had left the skin heavily scarred and where the collar had sat was rubbed raw. "Force bonded. Where's your Omega?"

It was unheard of for a bonded Alpha to be far from their Omega. Usually, if they were allowed out, it was on a leash in Nilfgaard.

"Dead."

Which explained a lot yet nothing at all. If an Alpha's bonded died, they usually died too. Or were put down because the loss of their bonded drove them beyond saving. Maybe Nilfgaard didn't want to get their hands dirty and deal with yet another body. Their bloody and violent war had left many behind already. It was much easier to cut an Alpha loose and let others deal with the consequences of a grief maddened Alpha in their midst.

"You're far from Nilfgaard."

"Even further from Vicovaro." At least the Alpha could speak beyond single words. "I don't want to go back."

Sensing it was an opportunity, Jaskier smiled and stepped closer, saying, "Then you don't have to. It's as easy as that."

All his good intentions were misread and the Alpha hunched his shoulders, head dipped as if expecting a strike to come. He didn't relax, muscles tight with terror.

"Jaskier, give him some space." Geralt easily slipped between them again, unable to figure out just why the Alpha was so petrified of an Omega. Then again, looking at his neck, Geralt didn't have to imagine. "You've been causing the villagers a lot of problems, you know that, right?"

A mute, shamed nod was his answer.

"I've been hired to take care of the problem." Submission had many forms and Geralt had seen them all over the course of his long life. He never wished for anyone to be so scared of him that they pissed themselves but there he was. The Alpha before him looked ready to fall down and bare his throat and belly, any kind of domination had been probably beaten out of him. It made Geralt's job that little bit harder. "I don't kill without sense. Will you let us help you?"

Jaskier couldn't hold back anymore, he walked closer. "Please, Alpha. Let us offer you what we can."

The Alpha went crashing to his knees as Jaskier got closer, head back and throat bared even if the whites of his eyes were showing in fear and breaths came in short, harsh puffs. Immediately Jaskier backed away, hands up. "We won't hurt you. I won't touch you without your permission."

His words didn't seem to make a difference and Geralt made shooing motions at Jaskier. "Go back to Roach. We'll follow shortly."

Pouting only a little, Jaskier turned, trusting Geralt to know what was best. The only kinds of Alphas Jaskier had encountered were ones that were touch starved and desperate for any scrap of attention and kindness. An Alpha who shied from an Omega's presence was a new challenge and one that Jaskier wanted to very badly to take on. His pack couldn't bond, healed too quick for any such bite to take. It would be no hardship to take an Alpha who had alrady been claimed and cast aside. Bonding, while a romanticised dream, wasn't the be all and end all of pack relationships.

Soon enough Geralt approached with the other Alpha a few steps behind him, nervously clutching at a bag.

"Omega, may I present Cahir for your polite inspection?" He turned to Cahir. "Cahir, I present my Omega, Jaskier. He won't approach without your say so."

Message received, Jaskier waved from where he stood and tried to send a reassuring smile. "Welcome, Cahir. My Alpha brings me the most delighful companions to meet. Share our travels and camp for as long as you find comfort in it." The paltry amount of belongings in the bag couldn't have been much more than a change of clothes, probably stolen from the washing lines. "What's ours is yours."

"Thank you, Omega."

The honorific was nothing more than a trembling whisper and Jaskier nodded. "Just Jaskier. We don't abide by the demands of society."

Clearing his throat, Geralt drew attention back to himself. "I was thinking to head to Kaer Morhen a little earlier this year. If the Pack so wills it, Cahir will join us for the season as a visitor."

Mind already racing ahead, Jaskier nodded. He could see Cahir benefitting from Eskel's gentle approach. And perhaps even Lambert's brutal honesty might help bring Cahir out of his shell a little. Grinning, he agreed readily. "A fine idea. It would be nice to welcome the rest of the Pack home this time. I like the idea of greeting them with the same affection and readiness they usually have for us."

There was no doubt about it, winter was going to be an interesting one.

#geraskier #witchersexual jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #cahir mawr dyffryn aep ceallach #reverse a/b/o #omega jaskier #alpha geralt #alpha cahir #tldr: alphas are hated by society

[andilovetowrite]

Lockscreens and Pictures

Peter Parker x Girlfriend! Reader

Summary: You and Peter have been dating for a year, but for some reason, he never showed you his phone, and you are starting to get a little worried about it.

Warnings: A tiny bit of angst, but mostly fluff. Also, in no way do I want to romanticise the idea of always checking your partner’s phones because I think every healthy relationship should have trust, and if you ever think something is going wrong, talk it through and work things out :)

Word Count: 1.6k words

Posted June 2, 2021

Here is my Masterlist, in case you wanted to check it out :)

Requests are OPEN!

“MJ, I’m really really worried!”

It was Friday night and you were at Peter’s house, where both of you were starting a Star Wars movie marathon. It was going really well, and since you two had alot of work to do, all the time, you both cherished each other when you were able to hang out.

So why were you calling MJ quietly in Peter’s bathroom? Well… because Peter was acting strange. Stranger than usual. He had come to pick you up, and when you saw that he had bought roses for you, you wanted to take a picture...so you asked Peter if you could use his phone.

You had never heard someone say no faster in their lives. And it wasn’t even a stuttery no that sounded like Peter. It was firm and cold no. He had not even realized it and hadn’t uttered a word regarding it, but it had been playing on your mind

“Just gotta go to the bathroom...don’t start without me!”, Peter said, winking at you as he made his way out of the room, leaving his phone on the table. You could feel your hands itching to see what he was hiding on his phone… it wasn’t like you didn’t have your secrets, but you and Peter shared everything, so what was so bad that he would snap at you like tha-

RING

RING

RING

The phone starts blaring as someone called up Peter. Wanting so badly to turn it over and see who was calling, you resisted the urge to, instead calling out to Peter. “Hey, Pete! Someone is calling you”

Hearing footsteps, you saw Peter smile at you and then smile even larger at his phone. Picking it up, for him, you tried to give it to him, but he quickly snatched it out of your hands, nervously looking at you. Taking it, he quickly glanced at the caller ID, his eyes twinkling. He looked at you haphazardly, inclining his head towards his bedroom.

“Just gotta take this call, okay. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes”

You nodded, smiling. But the minute he left, you broke down, your fists clenching as you picked up your phone to call MJ. He didn’t know that you had seen the name of the caller...which was labelled as ‘My Favorite Girl’.

So that brought you to the hushed conversation happening in the bathroom.

“Who could it be MJ?”, you asked, your mind filling with horrible possibilities.

“Y/N, it’s probably Aunt May or something...Peter would ever do something bad to you!” MJ’s voice floated through the speaker, but as she was speaking, you heard Peter say something from the other side of the wall.

“MJ, shush, Peter’s saying something”

Craning your neck to hear him, your heart shattered as you heard him speak. “I love you too! See you tonight”

Your eyes filled quickly with tears, but you wiped them away, fury taking over your body. Who the hell was Peter Parker to break your heart?

“MJ, I’m coming over in 10 min, okay? Let me go talk to Peter first.” Cutting the line, you walked out, and made a beeline for Peter, breathing heavily to not start crying as you look at him.

“So, do we wanna start with the first movi-oh. What happened?”, Peter asked, concern showing on his face.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes, saying everything out quick. “What is such a big secret that you can’t tell me, Peter?!”

For a second, he looked gobsmacked, his eyes bulging out of his head. “What? You know I’m Spiderman already Y/N-”

“No, not that. What is so special about your phone Pete? Why can’t you show me?”

Opening and closing his mouth, he just stared at you, not making a move. So you made one instead. Reaching for the infamous phone on the couch, you picked it up swiftly. Peter gasped, fingers trying to reach for you.

“No, Y/N don’t!”, Peter yelled, running to you, but it was too late. You had seen his phone, and he was basically hyperventilating at what you would say when you saw what was on there….

“Am I your lock screen?”, you asked, an amused smile making its way onto your face.

Peter looked down, his face heating up in embarrassment. “You weren’t supposed to see that”, he muttered quietly. You walked closer to him, the phone still in your hand. You stared down at it, your face flushing as you remembered when you took the picture.

It had been the week after your first date, and Peter had clumsily asked if you wanted to go out again on Friday. Since you were still in shock with your crush liking you back, you said yes without hesitation. And it had been one of the best dates you had been on.

You two had gone to a carnival, and it was magical. With several rides and attractions, you had stayed out for a long time. When it was finally time to go home, Peter insisted on getting you something as a reminder of the night, so he spent about 50 dollars on a claw machine to win you a little bear, which you had to this day.

After he had won you that, and given it to a red-faced you, you had taken a picture. With Peter holding the bear and smiling dopily at the camera while you have kissed his cheek, a similar grin on your face.

Looking back on it now, you felt so relieved. “Oh, thank god it’s just this. I thought you were cheating on me-”

“What!?”, Peter asked, a shocked look on his face. “I wouldn’t ever cheat on you Y/N”

You nodded, falling into the couch with him, your mind still whirling. “Wait, then who is ‘My Favorite Girl’ on your phone? Cause it isn’t me”

Peter laughed, picking up his phone. Opening it, he went to his contact list and clicked the number. A picture popped up, and it definitely wasn’t one that you expected. He and Morgan.

“Wha?”

“Whenever I and Morgan hang out, she always insists that she is my favourite little girl in the world, and she is definitely right”, Peter said cheekily, turning to look at you, “sorry Y/N, but you got some serious competition…”

Embarrassed, you hid your face in your hands, your cheeks red. “Shut up”, you muttered as Peter’s arms went around you, his laugh vibrating through your shoulder.

“Sorry sorry! But Morgan would be absolutely devastated when she heard that I loved her sister more than her!”

“Wait, why are you talking to Morgan?”

Peter blushed, staring at you. “She was gonna help me make you some type of promise ring… I just needed your ring size first, and she lives with you, so I thought she and I could help each other.”

Even though you were hiding your face, you could feel your face heat up at Peter’s sentence. “What did you give her in return”, you asked, knowing Morgan wouldn’t help someone for free.

“Um...back rides for eternity, BUT it’s fine!” You laughed softly but then became serious as you remember what you had stormed out here to do.

“Sorry Pete, I shouldn’t have thought you would cheat on me”, you said, a frown taking over your face at the thought.

Peter became stiff, and for a fraction of time, he didn’t say anything, but then he brought your face up to his, looking into your eyes. His chocolate brown eyes searched yours for something, and he apparently found it because he pulled you into a sweet soft kiss that left you breathless.

“You know I wouldn’t ever even think of cheating on you right?”, he asked, worried. You nodded, hugging him back. “Plus, how could I ever do better than you?”

You pulled back, giggling. “You sell yourself too short Mr Parker. There are tons of girls who would love to date you”, you said, but then whispered in his ear, taking pride in how he shivered, “too bad no one else is ever gonna have you.”

“I agree completely Ms Stark. Even though half of New York would like to be with you,” he whispered, “you are stuck with me!”

You groaned, acting annoyed. “Ugh, the puns are horrible…”

Peter smugly smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, but you love them, don’t you?”

You brushed his hair out of his eyes, as you kissed him lightly. “Yes, I do love them”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aww, I loved this one, and I hope you all did as well. Thanks so much for reading this! Also, my requests are closing by the end of the week, so if you wanna send anything in, then please do it soon, since I have a lot of work to do, and might not have enough time to do requests for the next few weeks.

Taglist: @idkatee @eternalscribblesforthesoul @loudbluepancake @poisondevotion @scram1326 @t-hollanderr @305weasley @starknik22 @marvelfansworld @lou-la-lou @lomlparker @marvelfansworld @wowitsel @vanteguccir @fullcheesecakeengineer @ladykxxx08 @allegras-sunflower @a–1–1–3

#peter parker fluff #peter parker x bestfriend reader #peter parker x reader imagine #peter parker #peter parker angst #angst #fluff #tony stark #stark!reader #peter parker x stark!reader

[realcube]

'you're..you're wearing that-' he hesitated, swallowing the lump forming in his throat, 'for me?'

navi | taglist | nsfw part two

summary ➵ on your first date with tamaki, he’s already wondering why you romanticise a guy like himself

content warning ➵ reader wear make-up, a dress and the accessories pictured above, very insecure! tamaki, mild angst & fluff

credit ➵  thank you to @suneater18​ for the request and the pics belongs to hippieartesanatos

the moonlight penetrated through the sombre clouds which waved overhead, creating a picturesque night sky for you to admire on your date; as if the heavens were smiling down upon you, congratulating you for scoring such a nice guy.  

well, at least, that is what you would��ve thought if your date was sooner to start. currently, you were shuffling on a park bench, fidgeting with your phone as your eyes flickered between the screen and the gorgeous sight above you, anticipating when your date will finally arrive so you can admire it together.

however, twenty minutes had passed since nine o’clock — the time you had both agreed to meet each other at — yet you were still sitting alone, tamaki no where to be seen. what make it even worse was that he was ghosting all your messages and calls. 

perhaps it was the first-date jitters speaking but there was a voice lurking in the back of your head, whispering that you have been stood-up. however, you were too ashamed to just get up and leave now, so you figured that you may as well call your friend and ask them to join you.

your eyes burned with tears which you choked back as your fingers worked on their own to search your contacts for your friend’s number. there was a part of you that believed you were being to hasty but you truly couldn’t bare to just sit here and act ‘hopeful’ any longer. with shaky hands, you tapped your friend’s contact as your thumb hovered over the phone icon.

“(y/n)!” 

you froze upon hearing your name called from a distance, your immediate reaction being to whip your head around to see who — or what — was in such desperate need of your attention that they were willing to yell your name from half-way across the park. 

and of course, it was none other than tamaki amajiki himself; dashing towards you at full-speed in a torn suit, muddy shoes and..his hair seemed to be unevenly cut. he wore a determined yet petrified expression as he came hurdling in your direction, a single stray tentacle dragging behind him as he ran.

a smile of both confusion and relief tugged at your lips, the pads of your fingers dabbing lightly under your eyes to rid of any puffy skin or dampness while simultaneously ensuring that you wouldn’t mess up your lashes or eyeshadow. 

“tama! you’re here!” you squealed, your hands automatically clasping together in excitement as he approached the bench, about to fall into the seat beside you due to how tired he was but pausing as he watched you spring to your feet and open your arms for a hug. his lips slowly curled into a weak smile, his expression softening and he didn’t waste a single second before throwing his arms around you, pulling you in for as tight of a hug that his worn biceps would allow him to.  

despite the fact he reeked of an ungodly amount of body spray, you still basked his embrace since this is the moment you spent the last three hours or so preparing for. you were quite shocked at how shabby he looked but you decided against questioning it, out of courtesy. but on the bright side, it really made you feel better about the outfit you had spent hours styling, yet you were still not completely sure about.  

tamaki suddenly pulled away from the hug so he could fall back onto the bench, letting out a hefty sigh and momentarily zoning out in order to catch his breath. you weren’t too sure whether it was appropriate to giggle or pout at the sight so you chose to not do either and instead, just awkwardly stand and stare at him.

a sharp inhale was all tamaki needed before he was finally able to sit up slightly and bow his head, folding his hands to you before blurting out, “i am so sorry i’m late, (y/n)!” and before you could even get a word in, he began his breathless explanation, “i got a small tear in my shirt and mirio said he’ll fix it but he made it even worse. then nejire said she’ll style my hair but she only knew a few male styles and said my hair was too long and before i could say anything she was chopping away at my hair-- and somehow mirio’s dog got ahold of my suit and it made the tears even worse! i was so stress and y’know when i’m stressed i stress-eat, so i began eating fish snacks and before i even knew what was going on, it was nine o’clock. so i ran here as fast as i could and i tried to manifest tentacles to help me move faster but it turns out i didn’t eat enough fish snacks so i only have one tentacle and i can’t even move it properly- look!”

the fact he said all of that in seemingly one breath left you stunned in place, with you eyes fixated on his rapidly moving lips until they instinctively shifted onto his single tentacle, laying dejected by his feet until it started squirming around. however, that was all it seemed capable of doing — squirming. 

“uuh,” you hummed, trying your best to stifle a snicker as tamaki was clearly in genuine destress. “it’s fine, tama! i was a bit worried that you wouldn’t show but it doesn’t matter, you’re here now so let’s focus on that.” 

your words somewhat calmed him down as his shoulders visibly relaxed, his red eyes tearing off the concrete ground to meet your kind gaze. a slight gasp escaped his lips as he noticed how gorgeous your make-up was, but before he could utter a compliment, his eyes went further downwards as he tried to process the whole of your outfit.

his cheeks immediately burned red at the sight; your stunning purple dress, shimmering heels and matching crystal accessories which were evidently worn to complement his own aesthetic. a certain piece which he was drawn to, was the golden, gemmed ear cuff you wore with pointed tips to form a similar shape to his own ears — one of his biggest physical insecurities.

“you look..” tamaki mused, momentarily cutting himself off to think of a word that would do you justice, “perfect.” his voice was hushed, hardly above a whisper but you were still able to make out what he said and a sheepish grin crept onto your features.

“thank you, baby!” you chirped, perking up slightly and giving him a little twirl, causing a burst of red to explode on his cheeks which he was quick to try cover with his hands. it was moments like these when he wished that hoodies were first-date appropriate, that way he could just sink back into his hood and pretend he doesn’t exist.

“you look really nice too.” there was nothing wrong with a little white lie every now and again. however, it wasn’t even said with the intent of being a lie as you secretly thought that the scruffiness kinda suited tamaki, like, he looked badass! like your prince charming who accidentally fell into a ditch.

your compliment didn’t help the increasing temperature of tamaki’s cheeks either, causing him to slump farther back in his seat as he muttered garbled speech under his breath. it took a good few seconds but eventually he was able to peer at you with a single eye through the inbetweens of his fingers,  “a-and i like your little ear cuff thing.

everything he said only widened your beam and make you feel more giddy, to the point where you were practically bounced in place, “thanks, tama! i saw it and immediately thought of you, so i bought it.” you stifled a squeal at how observant tamaki was being, praising all the small details of your attire which you thought would go unnoticed. “i decided to wear it today because remember how you showed me the tie you bought for our date?” you explained, vaguely gesturing at said tie which hung in tatters around his neck, “yeah, so, i thought we could match.”

it took him a few moments to process what you just said and while his brain was running on overdrive, you were met by his rapid blinking and frozen stature. having known tamaki for a while now, you knew how this was a fairly common occurrence when was truly stunned by something, so you allowed him some time in silence to consolidate. 

“so..” he started, trembling hand dropping from his face and onto his lap so you could see his whole bashful appearance. his gaze seemed to be trained on the floor, until he finally looked up to reveal the twinkle in his eyes, “you’re..you’re wearing that-” he hesitated, swallowing the lump forming in his throat, “for me?”

the thought that you were ashamed to be with him was something that constantly taunted him from the back of this mind. you were heavenly in a way that his words simply could not describe, though that didn’t stop him from trying. it was beyond him how a person as divine as yourself would even give him the time of day; let alone insist that he was beautiful, leave encouraging notes in his locker, comfort him when he shows even the smallest sign of being upset, give him praise on all the thing he was insecure about and so much more.

when he looked in the mirror, he did not see what you see. he viewed his ears as creepy and not a feature he should put on display, hence a part of the many reasons why he’s so fond of his hood. but here you were, all dolled up in his favourite colour just to showcase that you were with him. your ears decorated with pretty cuffs that made them look a similar shape to his, at first glance.

when he’d walk beside you through the corridors of the school or under the shade of the trees in the park, he’d feel the eyes of jealous passersby burn holes through his skin; despite the fact you weren’t even dating him yet, people just hated seeing a guy like himself by your side, apparently. 

he stopped eating before meeting up with you so he wouldn’t have any weird manifestation that could draw attention to himself. he started wearing his hood up at all times so people wouldn’t judge him for his elven ears. he refused to touch you just in case people thought you were dating and became envious of him, which would quickly turn to hatred. 

so why would you want to look like him? why would you want people to know that you are on a date with him? why did you act proud to be with him?

you quirked a brow at how confounded he sounded, thinking over your answer with a hum; you wore this outfit for tamaki and yourself because you thought it was pretty and it suited you. however, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that there was no need to give tamaki the full truth right now so instead you allowed him to enjoy his rare surge of confidence by replying with simply, “yeah, for you.”

you weren’t going to be surprised that he was flattered, by now you were well aware that tamaki held all your opinions on him in high esteem so that’s why you always tried to be as nice to him as possible — that, and it was just in your nature to be kind towards him when he’s been nothing but respectful to you back.

however, what you didn’t expect was to hear faint sobs from behind his hands and watch as crystalline tears poured escaped from the inbetweens of his fingers, racing down the back of his hands. “tamaki..” you murmured, reluctantly taking a seat next to him to wrap your arms around, rubbing comforting circles in his shoulders like you usually did when he was sad. although, you weren’t even completely sure that he was disheartened by your statement. 

“i’m sorry.” you spoke in a hushed voice, leaning in close to his neck until your nose brushed against his skin, resulting in him tilting his head so it rested upon yours. “are you okay?”

“please don’t apologise.” he croaked, stifling his snivels to try show that he wasn’t upset. “you did nothing wrong. in fact, you’ve done everything right. i’m the one who’s been messing up.” he felt your hand ghost over his own and without a second thought, he intertwined his finger with your own, freeing his other palm to place it on your shoulder and exposing his pale, tear-stained face is the process. 

“i know it’s hard but you should tell me what’s on your mind, tamaki.” you hummed, gently caressing the back of his hand with your thumb and planting a kiss on the damp skin of his cheek. his cologne was still suffocating strong but if you were to die, it would ideally be while cuddled up to him, under the celestial night sky. 

opening up had never been an easy task for tamaki; especially about a subject that concerned his physical appearance and emotions. but there was a knot in his chest that would simply come undone when he was with you. he couldn’t explain it, but all the barriers and walls he had established to avoid getting his feeling hurt or heart broken would come crashing down whenever he was with you. perhaps it was a familiarity, maybe it was your reassuring presence or might just be pure love and adoration. 

either way, he found him himself babbling on about anything and everything that bothered him with little regard for his own pride or secrecy, he voiced every thought that came to his mind in the moment. he told you just about it all — all his problems and insecurities —and you listened, offering him encouragement whenever he’d cut himself off, saying something along the lines of, ‘i-i’ll stop now, i sound silly’ or ‘you’re probably tired of hearing me prattle on’. though, of course you didn’t want him to stop until he had gotten everything off his chest as it was a rare sight for him to talk for such lengths at a time so the last thing you wanted to do was discourage him.

“i just..” tamaki stammered, coming to the end of his passionate ramble, “don’t understand why you want to be seen with me, let alone wear those.” he raised his shaky hand from your shoulder to gesture to your ear cuffs, “don’t get me wrong, they look cute on you, but i just don’t get why you’d want to have ears that look like mine.”

“because yours are beautiful!” 

he winced at the compliment and at how sincere you sounded, “well, i’m glad you think that, (y/n).” he muttered, not even having to finish his statement as the dejection in his voice made it obvious that he did not view himself in the same light. his gaze dropped to his feet which were shuffling uncontrollably,  “i don’t know why i’m making such i big deal about this. aren’t you annoyed?” 

your let go of his hands only to slip them around his neck and pull him into your embrace, you felt him tense up in your arms but slowly allow himself to relax his cheek onto your shoulder. “i’m not annoyed, baby. i get what you mean and it’s horrible that you feel that way.” all tamaki could do would tick his tongue in agreement. 

“i know i tell you this all the time but i honestly think you’re so attractive, inside and out. i was so excited when you agreed to date me, i could’ve died of happiness on the spot!” you chirped, momentarily jerked your head backwards so you could peck the tip of his nose, giggling as he scrunched his face up cutely at the sudden touch.

your angelic laugh rung through tamaki’s head, forcing his lips into a smile as he gawked at your adorable action. “i love you..” tamaki uttered, raising his voice ever so slightly to ensure that you heard what he said, “so much.” thanks to you, his sobs were now just mere sniffles into the crook of your neck. 

you inhaled sharply, eyes-widening at his words; you would’ve never thought he would be the first on to say ‘i love you’, but you were far from disappointed, in fact you felt yourself melting further into his touch.

you felt his grip on you tighten, his breathing slowly retuning to it’s regular pace as he squeezed his eyes shut, cancelling out all his other senses so he could focus on the way your body felt against his own. 

he wanted to be confident. he wanted to take pride in himself for you. he was tired of restless nights filled with tears due to his worries berating him for simply existing in your presence. 

it wasn’t going to be easy but he needed to start acting on everything you said. because eventually, it wouldn’t just be for you, it’d be for himself.

and of course, it didn’t go unnoticed by you when he started wearing his hood less often, when he began holding his head up higher as he walks by your side, the way he now shoots warm smiles at people who try to glare at him.

and five years later, how he didn’t bat an eye at deadly glare that the waiter — that had been subtly flirting with you all night — shot at him as he got down on one knee, in front of the whole restaurant. 

#amajiki x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #amajiki fluff #amajiki x y/n #bnha x y/n #amajiki tamaki x reader #bnha tamaki #mha tamaki #bnha x you #bnha fluff #tamaki fluff #tamaki x you #tamaki x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #mha fluff #tamaki amajiki #mha amajiki #amajiki x you