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hotch-stufff · 2 years

Text

Snippets of Our Life

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Wc: 5.0k

Warnings: A Lot, injuries, surgery, near death experiences, child death, birth, suggestive stuff kinda, hurt/comfort, fluff, but also lots of angst, but a shit ton of fluff too

Description: You and Aaron’s relationship through visits to the hospital.

A/n: Description sounds weird, but it’s basically you and Hotch falling in love and snippets of that. I’m describing this horribly, but just read it, there’s a lot packed into this. I love it, hope you will too <3. Gif not mine.

~Masterlist~

————————————-

“Spencer Walter Reid!” Your voice is shrill amongst the hallways as you march into your brother’s hospital room. “What the hell were you thinking?!” You ignore the group of people staring at you confused as you walk swiftly to the side of his bed and grab his chart.

“I-“ you didn’t let him speak.

“I specifically told you no field work until the ankle was healed. Now you’re back in here, with another fracture!” Your voice had lowered significantly, but the anger was still clear.

“I’m sorry, the unsub was going to get away! I did what I needed to do.” You nod but still stare at him grumpily.

“You need to be more careful, stop showing up to my ER.” He nods and you ruffle his hair playfully. He smacks your hand away but you send each other a smile. “Now, introduce me to your team.” You turn and face the group who had just watched you yell at their teammate.

“Oh right, guys, this is Dr. Y/n Reid, my sister.” Their faces change from confusion to understanding. “Y/n, this is Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia, JJ, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, and Aaron Hotchner.” Your eyes linger on the man on the end, he’s handsome no doubt. He stares right back at you and you send him a small smile, something your brother definitely catches.

“Nice to meet you all.”

“It is very nice to meet you.” Derek comes up and takes your hand in his own before pressing a kiss on the back of it. You scoff at his forewardness.

“Morgan, not my sister.” Spencer warns, and you laugh.

“Sorry Morgan, not my type.” He laughs and so does the rest of the group.

You sit and get to know them, and of course share embarrassing stories of Spencer from when he was young. You do take a special interest in Hotch, as the team called him. He’s a bit closed off, but once you get him talking, he doesn’t seem to want to stop. The team seems surprised by this, and you guess he isn’t the talking kind.

Eventually your pager goes off and you bid the team and your brother farewell. You send one last lingering look at Hotch, before leaving and heading down the hall.

You don’t see Hotch again for a few days. You regularly check on your brother, you demanded he stay a few days so you can keep an eye on him. He doesn’t mind, lots of free jello. The team had been taking turns staying with him, and finally it seemed to be his turn.

You walk in the room and find Spence talking his ear off about astrophysics.

“It’s fascinating really, all of the things we don’t know, and the fact that we keep discovering more and more. Like the-“ he cuts himself off when he sees you walk in. Rolling his eyes he scoffs playfully. “I don’t need you to check in every hour Y/n/n.”

“I’m just making sure you are following doctor’s orders.” You eye him and turn to Hotch. “Is he?”

“For the most part. Aside from the resting part.” You chuckle and so does Hotch. Spence just stares at you unamused.

“Well I’m going to grab you some food, some actual food, not just jello.” You say as he holds up a cup. “Care to join me Hotch?”

“Sure Dr. Reid.” He says with no hesitation. The formal title makes you sag a little but a small smile makes its way to your face. You both leave the room with promises of being back soon.

“Aaron.” Hotch says as you walk down the hall.

“Huh?”

“Call me Aaron.” You can’t hold back your grin.

“Then please, I insist, call me Y/n.” He nods as you make your way to the cafeteria. Again once he begins talking he doesn’t seem to want to stop. You could talk to this man for hours. He tells you about how good of an agent your brother is, and eventually moves on to more personal subjects like his son Jack.

“He sounds like an angel.” You say softly looking at a picture of Jack on Aaron’s phone.

“He really is. Losing his mom was difficult for him, but he’s adjusting.” His eyes are sad when he says it, but there is also a sense of calm around him.

“God Aaron, I’m so sorry.” You say.

“It’s alright, it was a while ago.”

“Doesn’t make it any better.” He nods sadly and you share a smile before moving on to a more lighthearted topic. Eventually you check your watch and realize nearly an hour had gone by.

“It was really nice to talk to you Aaron.” You say as you walk back to Spence’s room. “We should uh, do it again sometime.” He stiffens beside you and you instantly regret your words.

“That probably wouldn’t be appropriate Dr. Reid.” Your heart falls with the sting of rejection.

“Oh.” You clear your throat. ”Of course Agent Hotchner.” You walk a little quicker, wanting to get back to work as soon as possible.

“Wow, right back?” Spencer chides as you walk back in.

“Yeah um, sorry.” You murmur. “I have to get back to work. We’re going to discharge you tomorrow, so you can get back to work. The nurse will talk it over with you.” You say in a rush before setting his food down and turning to leave.

“Hey hey hey. What happened?” He asks, and you shake your head before Aaron walked back in.

“I need to get back to work.” You press a kiss on his forehead before walking towards the door. Spence stares quizzically at the door before turning to look at the solemn and regretful look in Hotch’s face. He quickly puts two and two together.

“She’s single. She is fantastic with kids. She understands busy schedules, her own is a mess. And from what I can tell from her dating patterns, you seem to be her type. So what happened?” Hotch cursed himself for forgetting how observant the young profiler was.

“It’s inappropriate, she’s your sister. She’s, she’s young.”

“You’re struggling to find excuses. You’re obviously attracted to her. Don’t overthink it Hotch. Just go ask the woman to dinner.” Hotch, admittedly, was taken aback by Reid’s abruptness but knew he was right. He turns to leave the room, and looks around, spotting you at the nurse’s station.

A week later you go on your first date and you remind yourself to send a special thank you to your brother.

——————————————-

“Code Blue!” A voice sounds across the hall and your head snaps up as the alarm goes off. A cart is grabbed and you're already sprinting down to the room.

“She’s coding!” Dr. Greene, a fellow surgeon and close friend, stands above the body of a little girl, performing chest compressions.

“Charge to two hundred!” You say as you step forward, grabbing the paddles and watching her monitor. You hear her parents cry out behind you. “Get them out of here, now.”

“Charged.”

“Clear!”

“We’ve got a pulse.”

“Prepare an OR!” People rush around as you grab the railing of the bed and move quickly to the elevator. Once you reach the floor, you instruct the nurses to take her in as you and Greene begin scrubbing in.

You don’t say a word but you look at each other and nod before walking in. Two nurses suit you up with gloves, gowns, and masks, and you get to work.

Instruments fly between hands as you begin, doing everything you knew how to.

It was a simple surgery, one you’ve done a thousand times before. But this time on a little girl, Lucy, who was far too sick for her young age. She had been deteriorating week after week, and had finally seemed to be getting better after treatments. Her parents, Mindy and Carl, had grown close to you over the weeks of treatment for their daughter.

“Dr. Reid, there’s a man here to see you. Agent Hotchner.” You smile softly, but continue working.

“Tell him I’m in emergency surgery and will be out as soon as possible.” She nods and stalks out.

Aaron had heard all about Lucy in the weeks since you had started dating. That in itself was its own story. You two understood each other's busy schedule and even had to reschedule your first date three times before it even happened. But you understood each other like no one else seemed to. Tonight he had promised to take you out for a fancy dinner, it would be your fifteenth date and you were just excited to spend time with him.

You prayed the surgery didn’t run too late, but didn’t focus on anything but the precious little girl in front of you. Seconds go by, then minutes, then what feels like hours.

“Heart rates dropping.” Your nurse breaks the silence that fills the room.

“Why, that doesn’t make any sense.” You say, your head shooting to the monitor. You continue working until the beeping intensifies.

“Pressures low and continuing to drop.”

“There’s too much blood.” You say as panic rises. “Sponge. Keep them coming.”

“Where is it coming from?” Greene’s and your own moves become more frantic as her heart rate continues to drop.

“She’s in vfib!”

“Internal Defibrillators!”

“She’s coding!”

“Charge!”

“Clear.” Nothing.

“Charge again!”

“Clear!” Nothing.

“Charge Again!” You shout desperately.

“Clear!” Still nothing. Greene backs down and steps back, his shoulders sagging. The nurses take a step back too and you look around.

“What are you doing? Charge again!” You shout.

“Reid.” You shake your head.

“No. Charge again.” You hear the paddles charging. “Clear.” Another shock, and still nothing. Your heart falls and you struggle to take in a breath. You stare at the monitor, praying for something, anything.

“Time of death, 19:07.” You back up and rip your gloves off, your mask soon following. The gown is next as you storm out. You pace the hallway, trying to calm your breathing.

“Reid. I’ll tell the parents.” Greene, Paul, says as he walks out of the OR.

“No.” You murmur. “They need to hear it from me.” He nods before patting your shoulder. You take a deep breath before stalking towards the waiting room. Her parents are sitting but stand when they see you.

“Mindy, Carl.”

“How’s Lucy? Can we see her?” You take a deep breath.

“Lucy was taken into emergency surgery after her heart stopped. There we found internal bleeding, unfortunately…” you have to stop, you’re about to ruin their lives. “Unfortunately her heart stopped again, and we were unable to revive her. She died on the table.” You watch emotions spread over their faces, until they grasp what you said.

“But, but you said she was get, she was getting better.” Mindy says as she falls into her seat, her head in her hands.

“You lied! This is your fault!” Carl yells at you and you back away. You know they need someone to blame.

“Carl, stop.” Mindy grabs his arm and he sits beside her, holding her as they cry. You walk away, and notice Aaron standing in the doorway. You turn and walk swiftly to your office knowing he will follow. You barely make it in the door before turning and crashing into his body as you begin crying.

Loud, ugly sobs fill the room as you cry out for the little girl you grew to love. You can’t seem to catch your breath. Arron soothes you, and rubs his hands through your hair. He moves you to the couch before bringing you even tighter into his arms.

“She was only eight.” You sob. He pulls you back and cups your face.

“What do you need sweetheart?”

“I don’t know. I need, I need you to just hold me. Please.” You stutter.

“Okay, I’ve got you. Let it out.” You sit there for what feels like hours before you finally quiet your sobs and catch your breath.

“I’m sorry.” You mutter out pathetically.

“No honey. Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.” He rubs his hand up and down your back.

“Its my fault.” You whisper.

“No, it’s not. You did nothing wrong. She was sick, you did everything you could. You did everything you could.” He repeats soothing words as he holds you. He knows what you're feeling and knows that nothing will help. He knows the pain you’re feeling and knows better than anyone that you just need to be sad right now. He doesn’t care that you’re missing your reservation. He just holds you.

He just holds you.

——————————————-

Jack whines as he tugs on his dad’s sleeve.

“Daddy it hurts.”

“I know bud. We just have to wait for the doctor.” No sooner do the words leave his mouth that you are strutting into the room panting.

“I heard Jack was in the hospital! Where’s his chart? Who’s his doctor? What happened? Is he okay?” Hotch barely stops you before you trip over your own feet after reaching to grab his chart.

“Hey, it’s alright sweetheart. He fell off his bike. We are waiting for a doctor.

“It hurts daddy.” Jack whines again.

“Okay hang on. Let’s take a look.” You calm down a bit after seeing Jack all in one piece. “Hey bud.” You say as you stand beside him.

“Miss Y/n?”

“Yeah buddy.” You sit in the edge of his bed. “Can you tell me what hurts?”

“My leg. It really hurts.” You take a glance at his leg, and instantly know there is nothing you personally can do for him besides give him some minor pain meds.

“Alright sweet boy, I’m going to call a special doctor down here, she is going to take a look at your leg and we will get you all bandaged up okay?”

“Will it stop hurting?” He asks, tears filling his eyes. Your heart shatters. And your eyes meet Aaron’s. He sits on the edge of the bed and grabs his son’s hand. Even though he had been trying to calm you down, you could see the stress and worry brimming through his expressions. You know you will need to talk later but for now you focus on the boy in front of you.

“Yes buddy.” Aaron murmurs as he runs his hand over Jack’s forehead soothingly. You quickly get to work on his pain meds and page both ortho and pediatrics just to be safe.

Ortho gets there first, and the doctor, Sarah Gellar, takes one look at you before knowing exactly who the patient is.

“Hi Jack, I’m Dr. Gellar, I hear you hurt your leg?” He nods sadly and she begins her exam. “Alright Bud, I’m going to try and move your leg a bit, can you tell me when it hurts?” He nods and you grab Aaron’s hand. You don’t see it, but he smiles softly at you as he realizes you’ve gone instinctively parent mode instead of doctor mode. His attention quickly moves back to his son as he cries out in pain.

“Alright bud, alright. I’m sorry.” She stands and calls in a nurse. “I think it’s broken, we’re going to take him for x-ray, and then go from there.” You and Aaron nod and rejoin Jack before walking with him and the nurse to x-ray.

An hour and half later you are sitting in a private room, a chipper Jack is picking out his color for his cast. The pain meds had finally kicked in and he could barely feel the pain in his leg anymore.

“Blue! Or Green! Or orange! I don’t know.” Jack looks to you and Aaron for help and you chuckle.

“I thought you hated orange?” Aaron says.

“I do.” He nods firmly.

“Okay, and blue is your favorite color right?” You say and he nods.

“Blue it is.” Jack says. “Man that was tough.” The nurse laughs, and you lightly tickle Jack’s side. He giggles and begins talking about how excited he is to show everyone his cast. Exhaustion hits him soon after the cast is put on, and you sit with him even after his eyes slip close. Aaron on the other side of the bed.

“When does your shift end?” He asks. Jack should be discharged soon, and Aaron wanted to know if you would go home with them.

“It ended hours ago.” You say absentmindedly, staring down lovingly at Jack.

“What?” You look up at him and furrow your brows.

“You, you stayed here after your shift to, to make sure Jack was okay?” He asks.

“Of course I did. He’s your son Aaron, I love him.” Aaron’s eyes well up. He never imagined he would meet someone that would accept him and love his son so much. He is beyond happy as he reaches over and presses a kiss to your lips. “What was that for?”

“I love you.” You stare at him in shock.

“What?”

“I love you.” Your shock wears off after a minute and you smile and lean over and give him another small peck.

“I love you too.”

——————————————-

“Where is he?” You yell frantically as you run past hospital staff. You know you must look like a crazy woman sprinting down the halls, but you couldn’t care less. You needed to find your husband.

“Dr. Hotchner stop!” The nurse behind you yells but you don’t stop, if anything you push harder to get to the operating rooms. You slid to a stop in front of O.R. 3.

“Aaron.” You whisper out as you pummel through the door, grab a mask and walk through the second door. The surgeon looks up at you and once he realizes who you are his eyes fall with sympathy. Your heart drops at the sight of Aaron. He’s covered in blood, a tube in his mouth. You’re a surgeon, you’ve seen patients like this before.

But this is different.

This is Aaron.

“Y/n you need to get out.” You glare up at one of your closest friends before speaking defiantly.

“No, that’s my husband.” You argue sternly. He sighs, frustrated. “I’m scrubbing in.”

“No, I can’t save your husband if you are in the room, you know that.” He calmly tried to talk you down.

“I can’t lose him. I can’t. Paul, please.” You feel tears slip down your face. Hands grab your arms and begin to tug you back gently.

“Trust me, I’ll do the best I can. I promise.” Your eyes water as you struggle slightly against the hands pulling you back. “I need you to trust m-“

“He, he’s allergic to Amoxicillin. He has at least nine stab wounds across his abdomen. The scar tiss-“ A sob cuts you off. “The scar tissue is still healing. Oh god, please save him.” You let the tears fall.

“I promise I will do everything in my power to bring him back to you Y/n.” You nod in defeat and let the nurse tug you out.

Paul, Dr. Greene, has to wait a few moments to begin working again. The weight settles on his shoulders that his best friend's husband is lying before him and he starts again, fighting for Aaron’s life.

You make your way to the waiting room where you find your husband’s team already waiting. Spencer takes one look at you and is striding to take you in his arms.

“It’s okay. Everything’s alright.” He coos as he brings you to sit with the team. Derek is covered in blood from his attempts at putting pressure on the wound. Penelope sits beside him, a comforting hand on his arm. Emily is pacing, JJ sitting with Rossi.

“What happened?” You choke out.

“An unsub was deteriorating. He knew he was going to die and took as many shots as he could.” Reid explains. “Hotch took a shot to the shoulder and to the abdomen right below his vest. The unsub was shot once in the chest, Hotch’s shot. None of us were close enough to take a shot. He came in the ambulance behind us.” You nod as you take in the words.

As you’re processing, your pager goes off.

“Shit.” You sniffle and pull it out of your pocket to read it. “GSW to the chest. They need a surgeon.” You stand quickly, knowing exactly who this patient had to be. “I gotta go.”

“Bella, is that really a good idea? This man shot your husband.” Rossi asks with uncertainty.

“Which is exactly why I’m going to do everything I can to keep that son of a bitch alive so he can rot in jail.” You walk away determined, you can’t sit around and wait anyways.

You reach OR 1 in record time, scrubbing in with purpose. Your resident stands behind you, scrubbing in as well.

“Are you sure you can do this?” He asks, already having heard about Aaron.

“The other trauma surgeon is Dr. Greene. He’s busy, so that leaves me. I can’t let him die, I won’t give him the satisfaction.”

Four hours later, you are walking back out of the OR, and handing your unconscious patient over to the local police. You strip off your gloves and gown and trudge to the waiting room. You didn’t bother taking a peak in the OR down the hall, already knowing you couldn’t handle the sight of Aaron bloody and bruised again until you knew he was safe.

The team looks up at you when you walk through.

“Son of a bitch is alive, handed him over to police. Any news on Aaron?” You ask impatiently. Spencer shakes his head no and you sag. You find your seat next to him and hold out hope.

You hadn't even thought about calling Jess and Jack yet, but you don’t want to worry them just yet.

What feels like lifetimes but is only forty minutes later, Paul is walking through the doors. You're on your feet before a word leaves his mouth.

“How is he?” You ask, he sighs.

“He coded on the table, twice. But he’s stable now. Both shots were through and through, with minimal damage to his scar tissue. He’ll be sore, and he’s going to hate it, but bed rest for at least a week, and desk work for at least three weeks after that.” You sigh in relief as a weight lifts off your body. You feel as though you’re going to pass out, but Spence is there to catch you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“Can I see him? I need to see him.” Paul nods and you rush past him as he shouts the door number. You hear the team behind you as you walk swiftly down the hall.

You push the door to his room open and nearly collapse on the chair next to Aaron’s bed. He’s unconscious, but just the sight of his chest moving up and down and the sound of the heart monitor is enough to soothe you.

He doesn’t wake for hours. Not until after the team is gone for the night.

“Y/n?” The sound of his voice startles you awake and your head shots up from the spot on the edge of his bed.

“Aaron. You’re awake.” You murmur, wiping the sleep from your eyes. “How do you feel?” You ask.

“Sore, but not terrible considering I got shot.”

“That would be the pain meds.” It’s silent for a few moments before you speak again. “Your heart stopped beating twice on the table.” Your whisper, and it hurts just saying the words. He eyes you with sympathy as you begin rubbing your fingers through his dark strands.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

“Greene wouldn’t let me scrub in. Probably for the best.“ He nods and you continue sifting your fingers through his hair as his eyes drift shut. “Don’t ever do that to me again okay?” He smiles and scoots to the side of his bed to make room for you.

“I’ll try.” You smile back and climb up next to him, watchful of his injuries. He wraps his good arm around you and you bury your face in his neck.

“I love you.” You whisper. His lips find themselves at your hairline before he whispers the words back.

“I love you too.”

———————————————-

“I need a doctor!” Aaron’s voice rings out in the OR, eyes flying to look at the two of you. You’re breathing heavily as pain flys through your back. Aaron is sweating from running around and you feel like you’re going to collapse.

“I am a doctor.” You grit out.

“Dr. Hotchner! Are you in-?”

“Labor! Yes! Get me a room!” You yell, your voice straining. Your legs are on fire and Aaron is trying to coach you through the pain as you walk back to a private room.

“I’ll get the doctor down here as soon as possible.” The nurse says as she helps you get comfortable.

“Drugs, I need something. Agh!” A contraction hits and you feel like you are being ripped apart.

“Hi Dr, Hotchner, is this dad?”

“Yes.” Aaron answers as you nod.

“Alright, let’s take a look.” You nod, taking a deep breath. “You’re only a few centimeters dilated. It’s going to be a little bit, we can get you some of the good stuff, but you’re going to get very uncomfortable Y/n.”

“Hee thanks Laura.” She chuckles and pats the bed.

“You know the drill. I suggest some ice chips. That helped me, and something to squeeze.” You grab Aaron’s hand as another contraction hits and she excuses herself to her other patients. He winced at the squeeze and you apologized.

“Squeeze all you want.” He says and you smile at him, though it appears as more of a grimace. He runs his hand through your hair, and you relax a bit.

Thirty minutes later, Spencer is marching through the hall, finding your room.

“There you are!” He comes in. “Your husband is horrible at giving instructions. I mean he told me about a completely different part of the hospital.” Aaron rolls his eyes as you giggle.

“Good to see you, Spence.”

“You too sis. What did the doctor say?”

“It’s going to be a while. Agh.” You shoot upright when another contraction hits. Aaron’s hand finds its way to your back, he rubs gently as he coaxes you through it. Spencer watches, while unnerved that his sister is in pain, it makes him happy that she found someone like Hotch to take care of her like this.

“Would you mind watching Jack for us?” It was no secret Jack loved his Uncle Spencer, and Spencer him. And Jess needed to get to a late shift at work, so with no one to watch him soon, the awaiting parents didn’t need one more thing to worry about.

“Of course I will. Is he at the house?”

“Yes, thank you Spence. We really appreciate it.” He leaves soon, and you're back to hours of pain without relief.

“I want this baby out of me!” You grunt in frustration. Aaron wipes the sweat from your forehead.

“I know sweetheart. You’re doing so good.”

“M’tired.” Dr. Stevens walks back into the room and she takes one look at you before signing in sympathy.

“Alright Y/n, let’s take another look.” She gets down at the end of the table. “Looks like you’re about ten centimeters, it’s time to push mama.” You look at Aaron in panic.

“I’m not ready to be a mom! What if I’m terrible.”

“You won’t be.” Aaron soothes as the doctors begin preparing for the birth of your daughter.

“How do you know?”

“Because you are already an amazing mother to my son, and soon to our precious baby girl.” You smile, and kiss him quickly before you feel another contraction hit, the most painful yet. You yell out in pain.

You aren’t sure how much time passes, seconds, minutes, hours. You don’t care, you just want the pain to be over with.

“I hate you Hotchner!” You yell out. “You’re never touching me again!” Laura laughs and so does Aaron.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

“She’s crowing! Come on Y/n one more push.” You push as hard as you can.

“I can’t, I can’t.”

“You can Y/n, come on one more.” You grunt as you push before a searing pain, and a cry breaks through the room.

You sag on the bed and sigh in relief. Your head turns around the room in search of the baby, but she is quickly swaddled and placed in your arms.

“She’s beautiful.” Aaron murmurs into your hair as he wraps an arm around you.

“Yeah. She’s perfect.” You press your lips to her forehead. “Jack’s gonna be so excited.” You whisper.

“Of course he is. He’s been asking for a sibling since we got married.” You giggle.

“She needs a name.”

“Are we still good with the one we chose?” He asks. You think about it for a second.

“Maybe a change in the middle name?” He looks down at you quizzically.

* * *

Hours later, your family surrounds you, the team included. They coo over the baby, passing her around. Jack can barely sit still when he gets to hold her for a second time.

“She’s so cute!” He exclaims, you all laugh.

“What’s her name?” JJ finally asks, and you smile, your eyes drooping from exhaustion. Aaron sits beside you and you nod at him.

“Her name is Sophie Diana Hotchner.” Spencer looks between you and Aaron and smiles.

“She would have loved it.” You nod and feel yourself slowly falling asleep. You rest peacefully knowing your baby girl is surrounded by the people who love her.

————————————-

The end :)

Hope you guys liked this one. I loved writing it.

Thanks for reading <3

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds #reader insert #imagine #angst #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #fluff #aaron hotchner #Spencer reid #reid x reader

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utahimeow · 2 years

Text

SEX101 — kageyama tobio [lesson 1.]

summary — your virgin best friend asks you to teach him how to have sex.

pairing — kageyama x f!reader

warnings — nsfw content. minors dni. oral sex (f and m receiving), corruption kink, possessive reader, kageyama is inexperienced

word count — 3.2k

author’s note — i love this trope but i wanted to switch it up since it’s always reader being taught :p there will be a part 2!

The first time you met Kageyama Tobio was seven years ago, in the summer before junior high. You were twelve years old and so was he, and you had just moved to a new neighbourhood. The volleyball he'd been bouncing on his hand had rolled to your feet and as you served it back to him, your poor aim had sent the ball colliding with his face. You used up the little bit of allowance you had to buy him a carton of strawberry milk as an apology and by some miracle, he accepted it. It was then that you learned you were both going to attend the same school, and it was that day that an unbreakable bond had formed.

In the time you've known Kageyema, he's never really had much luck with relationships. At first, it's hard to believe. He's attractive (like really, really attractive), tall (six foot two to be exact), and athletic (you think you remember him having abs since he was sixteen). It's probably precisely that which is why he's never had a relationship—the fact that he lives and breathes volleyball. Where most people continue on to university after graduating high school, Kageyama had been invited to play the sport for a living. He's never had a moment to spare, always giving you the "training" excuse.

There's also the fact that Kageyama is Kageyama. He's awkward, rude, pessimistic, a little weird, and doesn't tend to get along with people in general. He's gotten far... kinder over the years, mainly as a result of being friends with the likes of you and Hinata Shoyou. Still, it came as a surprise to you when a week ago he announced that he had gotten himself a date with a girl.

In typical Kageyama fashion, he had told you nothing about her until you asked him. Her name was Ayumi, and she worked at the gym he went to. She was the one who asked for his number. He was the one who suggested lunch at a nearby cafe.

He's over at your house one day, a rainy day, one for doing nothing at all except maybe watching a show. You're laying in your bed together, you on your stomach as you struggle to keep your eyes open while he's on his back next to you. There's some ghost hunting show playing on your TV, but you've both stopped paying attention to it. The sound of raindrops beating against your window is far more fascinating.

"Can I... ask you... something?" he asks, breaking the silence eventually.

"Hm?" you reply, propping yourself onto your elbows so you can stare down at him next to you. He's staring up at the ceiling, cerulean eyes pensive, his features ever so hard to decipher.

He opens his mouth to speak, but just as quickly closes it again. A moment later he opens it, then closes.

"Today would be nice," you tease, but regret takes over instantly when you watch him gulp. He doesn't shoot back with an insult of his own, something uncharacteristic of him.

"How do you... you know... pleasure a girl?"

You can't help the laugh that escapes your mouth. Kageyama's face burns bright, a mixture of humiliation and rage. It's the last thing you ever thought he'd ask and you still can't tell if he's teasing you or not, although something in his tone tells you he's being dead serious.

"Shut up," he says, glaring at you. "Ayumi invited me to her house this weekend. She keeps reminding me that her parents aren't going to be home so I think she wants to... you know?"

Your eyebrows raise. There's a swell of pride because your best friend is finally getting action, but you can't ignore the pang of jealousy that lingers either.

His original question makes sense now—Kageyama's never gotten further than kissing anyone. If he had, he would have told you. He tells you everything, after all.

"What, you want me to teach you?"

It's a rhetorical question, not meant to be anything more than a joke. But your best friend stays quiet. The "no, dumbass" that you expect from him as a reply never comes.

"Tobio?"

"Well, how else am I supposed to learn?" he grumbles and that's when your heart skips a beat. He's never looked this vulnerable, like he's one second away from disappearing through the floorboards of your bedroom.

"Have you watched porn?"

"Obviously," he says, and his cheeks become tinted with pink. "But I wanna try do it myself."

Well, that's a given. Taking notes is different to putting them into practise. Plus, he's a boy. You doubt he ever makes it past the trending page where all of the porn is scripted and fake.

You push yourself onto your knees, sighing as you consider where to start. You're more experienced than him, yes, but that doesn't mean you're an expert by any means.

"All girls are different. They like different things, want different things. Some like to be in charge, some don't. But as general advice," you say, throwing one of your legs over Kageyama's waist so you can straddle him, "don't be afraid to touch her."

The boy's eyes nearly fly out of their sockets as you settle on his crotch. His entire body tenses. He's frozen beneath you, so you take him by his wrists and guide his hands to your thighs.

"The most important part is foreplay. If you don't get her warmed up, you won't be able to penetrate her," you tell him. Your voice has dropped an octave or two, all husky unlike anything Kageyama has heard from you.

Slowly, delicately, you drag his hands up your thighs. He's near panting as he tries to relish the way your soft flesh feels under his palms. You guide them along your hips, make him trace your waist, and ignore the doubt in the back of your mind before you bring his hands to your chest.

With your bottom lip trapped between your teeth, you squeeze Kageyama's hands that are beneath your own, giving a soft moan as he cups your breasts. You're scared he'll pass out underneath you. His eyes are even wider than before somehow, his mouth in a circle, breaths shallow now—you're not sure if he's breathing at all.

"Relax, Tobio," you rasp. It's when you grind your hips in an effort to loosen him up that you feel it—he's hard. His length pokes against your leg, strains against his sweatpants as you drag your clothed pussy over it. You think you could melt. A cheshire cat grin forms on your lips because you made your best friend hard.

In all his stubbornness, however, he still won't relax. You've had a fair share of stupid ideas in your life, but you don't think any of them come close to the one that forms in your mind in this moment.

"Can I kiss you?" you ask, bending your body. Your hands keep moving his over your clothed chest, groping and kneading at your mounds. He gulps at your question, then nods, and you're leaning your face in against his. You're slow, teasing. Your hands have stopped moving. Your breath mixes with his. You're so close, and yet Kageyama still doesn't have the courage to pull you in. He's so... pliant.

With a grin, you finally put him out of his misery, pressing your lips to his in a soft, sweet kiss. You can't ignore the way your stomach flutters, but you're too rapt by the boy's plush lips to question whether it's lust or something else that's making you fuzzy. The kiss is innocent—at first. Then you push your tongue against his and hunger takes over and your hips are rolling against his lap harder than before and Kageyama lets out a tiny moan against your mouth.

You never were really the needy type. Sex wasn't something you craved too often. But now, with Kageyama underneath you, rutting his hips against yours, letting you lick into his mouth, you need him.

Kageyama's always been good at reading you (not that you hide your emotions well anyway), but you'd grown close enough to where he could practically read your thoughts. He can sense that you're desperate for him, and his hands start to move downwards. He's hesitant, wondering when you'll stop him to give him his next directions. But you never do. You let him act on his instincts, following the curve of your body until his fingers find the top of your sweatpants.

You pull away then, your lips puffy, your mind dizzy from being breathless. "Take them off," you tell him, and that's enough for him to commit, to push the fabric down your legs. As he struggles to get them past your knees, you throw yourself onto your bed once more, onto your back so that you can help him out and kick your pants off the rest of the way.

For a moment Kageyama's eyes widen, then he's flicking his gaze between your lacy black panties and your face.

"Go on," you say, parting your legs as both inviting him to settle between them and encouraging him to strip you entirely.

The kiss must have worked, even if a little bit. The boy scoots forward into the space you created for him, curling his fingers around your panties and tugging them down slowly. The air hits your dripping cunt immediately, and you gasp because how are you this wet already?

"See this?" you say, your pointer finger landing on the nub above your hole. Kageyama nods intently as if he's not staring at his best friend's pussy. "That's the clit, got it? Now you have no excuse. Do not neglect it. Even when you're fucking her. Most girls can't cum unless you stimulate their clit."

There's a flash of panic across his features. Crap. He's not ready fuck you this soon. "But... what about foreplay first?"

"You wanna eat me out?"

Kageyama's dick twitches in his pants. Yes, he wants to eat you out. He wants to devour you until you're shaking, wants to taste your juices (he bets you taste sweet and heavenly), wants your thighs wrapped around his head. He nods, maybe a little too fervently.

You sigh. "Okay, well, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to instruct you on eating pussy. Let me see, I guess you just— oh."

He cuts you off when he dives between your legs, his tongue licking a long stripe between your folds. He's watched enough porn to think he at least has an idea of what to do. And he's right—his lips wrap around your clit and the quiet moan you give when he sucks tells Kageyama he's actually on the right track.

His tongue moves experimentally against your heat, licking at you with a precision that makes you surprised by the way your eyes roll back. You'd always liked it when boys were sloppy eating you out. No rhythm, no pattern, just flicking their tongues in whatever way made you arch your back. Lack of experience can make you overthink your technique—your movements turn static. But somehow, and maybe it's because it's Kageyama, there's no denying the heat that's building in your abdomen.

"Fuck, Tobio," you whine.

He pulls away for a second, blinking back at you with fear. "What?"

With a pout and a roll of your eyes, you tangle your fingers into his raven hair and push him back down between your legs. "That means you're doing good, dumbass."

Kageyama's hands have instinctively come to wrap around your thighs, gripping the fat as he holds your legs in place, spread apart for him. His tongue swirls over your bud ceremoniously. Each circle he draws against your clit sends pinpricks of pleasure throughout each and every one of your muscles. The flame in your stomach grows stronger and stronger with every second.

If you weren't so rapt by the way he worked his mouth against you then maybe you would have made fun of him for having his eyes closed. Instead you tug at the roots of his hair, and his gaze meets yours in an instant.

"Eye contact. Don't be scared of it," you say, and the end of your sentence morphs into a moan. It's tough to remember that you're supposed to be 'teaching' him, not just getting free head.

From then on, Kageyama's piercing eyes never leave yours. He thinks he feels himself easing into it a little bit, his tongue and lips moving almost by themselves now. It means he gets to focus on your face. How your eyebrows rise a little, how your eyes twinkle, how your lips part ever so slightly. How you look so fucked out and you haven't even cum yet. You look this gorgeous because of him.

The heat in your abdomen starts to pulse. Your breathing turns ragged, your eyes roll back again. Kageyama knows what's happening. You telling him just confirms it.

"I'm close, Tobio—oh, fuck... Please, Tobio, please..."

And just like that, your back arches off the bed as the flame erupts and you finally make it over the edge. You cry out as you hit your climax, a high-pitched mixture of a curse and Kageyama's name. He tries to pull away, maybe unsure of whether it feels better to continue through an orgasm or not, but you refuse to let him. Once you come down from your high, your hand releases his hair and he sits back.

"Congrats, Kageyama," you chuckle, sighing. He hates it when you call him by his family name, but something about you using it in this moment makes his heart swell. "You just made a woman cum."

The expression he stares back at you with is adorable. His cheeks are flushed and there's a dazed look in his eyes. He's shocked and in disbelief, but there's a little bit of pride there, perhaps exaggerated by the sight of your cum gleaming all over his lips.

"Come here," you say, patting the space beside you as he wipes his mouth with his sleeve. Ever so obedient, he takes the spot while you tug your panties back up your legs. He's staring at you, so you lean towards him, slowly in case he backs away. But he doesn't, so you connect your lips with his. It's a soft, careful kiss. Your body's too weak from your climax to make it anything more, but you don't want anything more.

Subconsciously you shift closer to him until you're flush against him, and it's then that you're reminded of his erection. That still hasn't been dealt with. Poor boy is probably in agony.

You pull away from Kageyama's lips, a string of spit following as you do. It's your turn to crawl in between his legs with a devilish grin upon your face.

"What are you..?" he asks, frowning as you toy with the waistband of his sweats. In the back of his head, he knows, but he doesn't want to assume.

"Paying you back," you tell him. You thought it was pretty obvious. "Unless you don't want me to. Oh, my god, I just presumed."

"No," he cuts you off, his voice cracking. "Please..."

This time there's no reluctance whatsoever when you pull his sweatpants down his legs, followed by his boxers. His cock, bright red, veiny, swollen, looks so enticing that you start drooling. It's also huge. One of the bigger cocks you've faced. Maybe the biggest. All this time you can't believe he's been packing.

He jolts when your hand wraps around him. "You need me to stop, I stop," you assure him, waiting until he nods to resume. You start with slow strokes up and down, collecting the pre-cum that drips from his sensitive tip, smothering it over the rest of his length. Briefly you pull away to spit in your palm before wrapping around him again. Your hand memorises each ridge that runs along his cock and all you can think is how pretty it is. How you can't wait to choke on it.

No, literally, you can't wait any longer. You lean forward, your lips wrapping around his tip, tongue lapping at the slit to get a taste of his arousal.

The thought that this is his first time ever getting sucked off has you reeling. You're dizzy just thinking about it, really. How you could probably half-ass it and he'd still cum. Or you could put your all into it and he'd cum so hard that no one would else would be able to compare and you would be the only one who could possibly make him feel good.

All of it spurs you on, and one look at Kageyama's blushing, spent face has you slowly taking him inch by inch into your mouth. You struggle as you make your way down to his base, tears brimming in your eyes once he hits the back of your throat. You stay still for a moment, adjusting to the intrusion in your air pipe.

In that moment, Kageyama's cock throbs. With a gasp, he releases, and it's as unexpected to him as it is to you. And you've never been a quitter, so you let him spill every last drop down your throat while his head spins and he watches you with awe and embarrassment all over his features.

"I'm s-sorry," he mutters as you pop off of his cock, spluttering a little as you catch your breath.

"For what?" You just want to hear him say it.

"I didn't last."

A smile spreads over your face, one that you can only hope is reassuring. You help him pull his boxers and his pants back up and for a fleeting moment you're tempted to cuddle up next to him, until the lustful fog in your mind clears and you remember once more that this is still meant to be platonic. A friend teaching another friend. So you sit criss-cross next to him.

"Didn't know I was that good at sucking dick," you quip, joking around to hide the possessiveness that has sprouted within you. You've sucked off boys who were inexperienced before yet none of them had cum so quickly. It's not a coincidence. Kageyama wasn't just worked up—he was worked up for you. You just know it.

Your best friend sits up. Ever so subtly he moves an inch or two away from you, but you notice. You notice how he swallows thickly. You notice how he can barely look you in the eye.

"Um...I never told Ayumi that I'm a virgin, you know," he admits. He twiddles with his fingers in his lap.

Is he asking you what you think he's asking you?

"Are you going to?"

"...I want to have experience with that too," he shrugs.

I want you to take my virginity, is what you hear.

Your lips curl into a smile again. It takes everything in you not to grab him in your arms and squeeze him and hold him tight and kiss him all over.

"Well, I'm here to help. Isn't that what best friends are for?"

read the next part here!

#kageyama smut #kageyama tobio smut #haikyuu smut #hq smut #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama imagine #kageyama fanfic #kageyama tobio imagine #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfic #꒰ lovers. ꒱ — kageyama

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greenerteacups · 6 months

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I power read Lionheart months ago and it's been living in my brain ever since. In random moments, I see/think about your characters in the world around me. Like: a couple in the park holding hands? I start musing on your Draco's PDA thoughts. I remember the handholding moment as the Third Task started. I see a threadbare book in the thrift store? I wonder how fired up Hermione would be if someone asked her if wizards had an obligation to fix Muggle goods. If Reparo can fix a roof (and costs a witch nothing), should impoverished Muggles have to fight with their insurance company after a storm? On and on. I love it.

Thanks for opening up your asks for questions! Seriously, that's a badass move. There have been a few stressful moments in my life where--bing!--I check Tumblr and read one of your answers and I'm immersed in your HP world again, carefree and curious. <3

I have about a billion things I could ask/am curious about, but I'll restrain myself to two. This time. ;-)

Draco's mentioned once or twice that Harry & Ron don't understand him and Hermione. I was interested in that moment right before Draco follows Hermione to the Owlery. Harry stopped Ron from saying anything, and Draco recognizes that he's probably just as ignorant about Harry and Ron's friendship. So: 1) Is it too spoilery to ask what Harry (dear, sweet boy that he is) has noticed about Hermione & Draco? Does he think of them as one nerdbrain, or is he like Draco? Hermione? Weren't they married like, ages ago? I'm so fascinated by what others see when they look at Draco and Hermione because good GOD, what a power couple. And 2) Could you speak to Harry and Ron's relationship? Is Harry like, "Ron, you've gotta kill that Hermione pipedream," or is that topic irrelevant in the face of Quidditch gossip and less relationship-driven moments? Their (Harry and Ron) connection just seems so...necessary. It's beautiful.

I hope you're doing well! Thanks again for sharing such an immersive, gripping story with us.

Aw, this is so touching, thank you! I'll try to answer your questions as best I can without spoilers or breaching any rules on author-answer-ethics. Standard disclaimers: anything not in the text doesn't count, if I want you to believe something I have to give you a reason to believe it in the body of the fiction itself, and you're free to disagree with anything I say here. For the purposes of these types of questions, I'm basically just a fan who knows what the author had for breakfast this morning.

Harry knows that Hermione and Draco are... something. I think this comes through most in the arc of Book 4 where Ron separates from the group, and it becomes a tricycle of Draco, Hermione, and Harry. Harry is miserable, and it's not just because Ron leaves (although that's a large part of it); he's now in the position that Hermione occupies for most of the original series, where he understands very clearly that his other two friends, while both loving him very much, are First in each other's minds. He has a number of remarks that start to show his irritation with this, though he tries his best to be understanding — it is a similar dynamic to him and Ron, after all. (Fun story: I didn't realize until late in my drafting how much Hermione and Draco's dynamic echoes Harry and Ron in canon, from meeting on the train, the paying-for-candy moment, the Sorting, the class partnership, etc.)

All this to say that Harry looks at Hermione and Draco and sees a wall, in the same way that Draco looks at Harry and Ron and sees a wall. He doesn't understand it, but he knows that's deep water, and he knows he's usually better off not touching it. (Some of this comes through in Ron's conversation with Draco by the pumpkin patch; there's a blink-and-you-miss-it reference to "whatever the hell you and Hermione have got going on," along with a quick gloss on their weird pseudo-spiritual mind-meld connection, which was meant to give a glimpse into how the rest of Gryffindor sees them: eerily well-suited people with separately terrifying abilities who, when together, sail merrily off into their own universe of intelligence/plots-and-schemery and become a black hole of You Don't Want To Fucking Know. I sometimes amuse myself by thinking of Dean and Seamus giving the first years PSAs on Do Not Approach the Wild Swots In Action.) And he, like most of Gryffindor Tower, would have to be blind not to see how much they favor each other. They're always together. There's really nothing that they can do to hide it.

Which is probably why he pulls Ron back in the Owlery moment. He understands that what Hermione is dealing with is something that Draco, perhaps only Draco, can fix. She needs to hear a very specific kind of reassurance, and she needs to hear it from him. In the same way, when Hermione tried to calm Harry down before the plan to rescue Sirius in the third book, she failed miserably; they love each other intensely (they're siblings! the muggle-born twins!) but they're extremely different, and of all the Quartet dynamics, they're the ones who seem most at peace with that. Harry and Hermione's friendship works because they get what the other needs and they get that sometimes it's not them. (Harry more than Hermione, because she's still working on the concept of "sometimes people do not want my help" in general, but still.) There's a reason basically no one ever speculates about them being involved outside of a joke, because no one who knows them would think they could work romantically. They love each other, but they weird each other out, and they're content with that.

In contrast, Ron and Harry's friendship is more of the soul-bonded, life-partners, "he is more myself than I am" kind of friendship. Catherine and Heathcliff dig-up-the-corpse-to-lie-down-with-it type of shit. When Ron gets a death scare in the finale of Book 3, Harry goes fucking ballistic. Likewise with Harry's portkey fakeout in the end of Book 4 — Ron loses his shit. They are deeply, irrevocably attached to each other in an almost codependent way, which is the product of Harry's "first friend ever, like literally fucking ever, not nobody else, not one" situation meeting Ron's "first person who ever loved me as Ron and not so-and-so's brother" situation. So just as you put it, really: necessary and beautiful (and messy).

#greenteacup asks #lionheart spoilers

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notmoreflippingelves · 4 months

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@saemi-the-dreamer asked: Esteban: 2, 7, 18, 19 and 21? :D

As I mentioned in my initial reply to the ask, I made a separate post for Esteban, since--as will surprise no one--I really rambled on A LOT about him. And it wasn't fair to shove all my EsteRamblings into the same, much shorter post with Gabe.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Honestly, pretty much everything about Esteban's character journey in S3 makes me absolutely INSANE (in the best way). But I think the thing that makes me most feral of all is the moment when he falls into the crystal well. His sparkly new outfit and stupid hairdo. The fact that the narrative has visibly and thematically linked him via this shared experience with Elena for the entire rest of the show. The symbolism of him being given the power to run away (literally and metaphorically) from the problems that he has caused. The fact that the show will ultimately end with him not running away but instead running towards something (Elena, specifically to save her from the problem Esteban himself caused). It's just... they did all this to me, an English major, and expected me to be normal about it. The audacity.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I like it when Esteban is *included* in things. While I wouldn't say he gets as much focus as the four amigos or Isabel, he still does get a good bit of art and a reasonable amount of fic. And its honestly nice to have a blorbo who isn't just shamelessly ignored (*cough Jean Innocent *cough) or vilified to the point of OOC-ness (*cough Kristoph Gavin cough*) , or used almost exclusively as a plot device to facilitate the fandom preferred ship of which they are not part of (both of the others).

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

"Admire" is a weird way to put it as it makes it sound as though the dynamic is or should be aspirational/healthy. And I'm honestly having trouble coming up with one that fits that particularly description. I guess either Isabel or Francisco would be closest to meeting that description. But I don't really have too much to say about them right now.

So I am just going to go ahead and treat this question as "relationship that I find interesting and enjoy watching." And honestly, there is a LOT of them. Obviously his relationship with Elena is arguably the building block of the entire show and naturally, I love and cherish it with my entire heart. But I already ramble too much about it so I won't do so here.

I also find his history and complicated relationship with Victor fascinating. The two are clear foils of each other and very shippable ones too, and so my little English major brain/rare pair loving self gets a lot of mileage over the little that we see of them together. But we really only get a single episode of the two of them interacting. (Apart from a few moments in "The Magic Within" and Esteban being mentioned a few times in "The Lightning Warrior") so there's really only so much that I can say about them. And a lot of what I love about them is really just head canons/parts of my fic, so it could be totally ooc.)

Similarly, I think his dynamic with Dona Paloma is fun to watch and has a lot of interesting potential, but we really only scratch the surface of it. The narrative lets them be temporary allies or business rivals for the sake of a given episode's plot, but its rarely done in a way that adds something new or interesting to their relationship. (When Esteban + Paloma political shenanigans happen, its rarely used to advance either of their character developments and when it is, it's usually just Paloma's..as Esteban gets most of his development in other episodes).

So, I feel like I have to say that the most-interesting-and engaging Esteban relationship (apart from Elena) has to be Naomi. The two of them have a really interesting dynamic to watch and their relationship specifically (as opposed to just the two of them as individual characters) gets a good amount of direct focus. Whether Esteban is sniping at Naomi from across the Grand Council table, begrudgingly accepting her as a capable colleague by the end of "Finders Leapers," teaching her to waltz (in order to show up Paloma) in "My Fair Naomi" or clinging to her when Valentina's carriage goes out of control, the two of them don't just steal the scene but positively abscond with it in the most delightful way. Plus, I love the parallels of Naomi ending the show in Esteban's former position as Chancellor. (I like to headcanon that she's gonna end up seeking a lot of advice from him for her new role and may even recruit him as her number two. He has 41 years of valuable experience that it would be shame to waste).

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

This is hardly a surprising answer, but...I do not particularly care for his relationship with Luisa. Esteban was orphaned when he was 9 at most, so he barely remembers his mother. The closest thing to a mother that he does remember is the grandmother who raised him. He needed lots of love and validation and attention, and based on what we see in canon, Luisa didn't give him nearly enough. It took years for her to realize they'd left him out of her "favorite" family painting, the flashbacks in "Dias de las Madres" suggest that she was unaware of just how lonely and vulnerable baby!Esteban was even knowing that he had just lost his parents, she gives a pretty clear impression of Elena being her favorite grandchild ( even before Esteban's secret comes out) which I am sure did *wonders* on baby!Esteban's already fragile self-esteem, and in "Coronation Day," even after she knows that Esteban helped save the kingdom (including both her and Elena), she still side-eyes Elena when Elena says that she has forgiven Esteban. tfw you sacrifice your life for your cousin's (who is also your grandma's fave) and risk it again to banish the evil time spirit, but it's still not enough to earn a long-overdue hug from your granny.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Give him very specific and sexual Shuriki-related trauma. I mean to be fair, it's not that I enjoy it so much. It's just there in my head and it happens even when I try to make fluffy and silly little plot bunnies. I would say my favorite thing that I actually enjoy doing and make an effort to do is just aggressively validate him and his feelings since he doesn't really get much of that in canon. I like having characters tell him how much he means to them, and I like for them to genuinely mean it. I like to tell him that he is capable of being loved (romantically and/or platonically ) and has the right to be loved. I like for people to recognize that he has been through so damn much and is still living with the scars that the Dark Times have left on his mind, heart, and soul. I like for other characters to come out and tell him that he's important to them, that he's fundamentally a good and worthy person even if a flawed one who lost his way for awhile, I like having characters tells him that they enjoy his company. And perhaps, most of all, I like having characters (especially Elena. but also Victor, Naomi, and probably anyone else) feel protective of him. To have them promise to take care of him and make sure that he never has to feel alone, forgotten, unloved, or helpless ever again. So basically, my favorite thing to do is aggressively project onto him and give him all the sorts of things I would want for myself as wish-fulfillment.

My least favorite thing that I sometimes see done in fic is when past (or present) Shuriki/Esteban is genuinely romanticized (as opposed to treated as inherently abusive/dubiously consensual). When their feelings are assumed to be mutual, genuine, healthy (if admittedly unconventional/unexpected), and redemptive. Particularly when Esteban tries to "save" Shuriki from Elena and/or "redeem" her from her prison cell, because he loves Shuriki/knows that she isn't really "all bad." Because no, in my view, Shuriki is far beyond any hope of redemption, and no one in Avalor would know that more than Esteban, who was forced to stay by her side and serve her for 41 years.

Now, I do think it's possible that Esteban may have developed a little bit of Stockholm syndrome towards Shuriki, based on the length of time they worked closely together, how utterly dependent on her that he had to be just in order to survive, and how desperate he's always been for just a little bit of attention/affection. But again this wouldn't be real, genuine love. At most, it would be physical attraction, and a conditioned learned dependency on her as a survival mechanism. And given the huge power imbalance between them, there's also this inevitable question of any physical and/or emotional relationship being built on a foundation of dubious consent and sexual harassment (at best).

Given that Shuriki does seem shocked and genuinely hurt when Esteban finally stands up to her in "Secret of Avalor," I think it's also possible that she did grow to care for him as much as she could possibly care for anyone. But I also think that the closest to "love" that it's possible for her to feel is casual affection (similar to what one might feel for a favorite toy) or possessive lust.

And um... so no, I do not think Shuriki is capable of love and even if she was, I don't think it would be possible for her to be rehabilitated by/through love. And even if she was, Esteban is the absolute last person I would want to do said rehabilitation work.

Shuriki personally murdered multiple members of Esteban's family, conquered and terrorized his country, and then made him do all the work of managing Avalor while giving him none of the credit. He was a stupid teenager when they met (and from what we can tell, she seems to have been at least 5-10 years older than him...possibly a lot more if she'd already started magically de-aging herself), . As such, she easily manipulated him by preying on his youth, insecurity, and naivety. (Honestly, they give me BIG "Edmund Pevensie and Jadis the White Witch" energy. Baby!Esteban was a bit older and presumably *a bit* smarter than Edmund, but still very naive and very vulnerable and therefore very susceptible to the corruptive powers of someone significantly older, crueler, and more powerful than he. )

So, it makes me super sad and uncomfy to think about Esteban wanting to be and being responsible for personally saving the life/ soul of the person who has corrupted and controlled every aspect of his life since he was 17-18. He deserves better than that. Even if I still like giving him extra trauma and having him wrestle with it.

#elena of avalor #esteban flores #chancellor esteban #even if no one else got me; i know the crystal well of takaina got me #do i hear an amen to that?#so much enrichment for my literature major enclosure provided by such a silly little plot device #ah yes : the crystal well of soulmate coding; narrative foils; and symbolic deus ex machina #we've all seen it #anti-esteriki #well only anti in the way that its sometimes shipped; i do enjoy the really dark content #it makes for peak esteban woobification #i just want him to be peak sad pretty boy with his enormous and pretty 'sad boy' eyes

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eriexplosion · 6 months

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Clone Wars - Ambush

And for now, back to the very start!

Real talk, part of the reason I was putting this off is because it STILL gives me such conflicted feelings regarding the Jedi & the clones relationship. And about Yoda, who is not my favorite but I hesitate to say I DISLIKE him because I do think he has fascinating angles but also I want to dropkick him like a little green football much of the time. I don't tend to talk about him much because I get Rambly.

However, his turn will come in a second, first things first: VENTRESS. Honestly it's still hilarious to me how if I had actually watched this show as a kid this woman would have single handedly led me to my sexuality like 7 years earlier than I managed it.

One of the clones kneeling to present Yoda with the communicator is SO cute. When the clones interact with beings much smaller than them........... I feel. But okay the first Complicated Feeling with Yoda is that I genuinely like him during the moment when he's marveling over the beauty of the moon and being a little playful. Kind of like I genuinely like him in the Original Trilogy when he's being a touch senile. Which just drives home how much I do not like him during most of his serious moments where his whole reputation for wisdom is used mostly to lead the plot around or say shit like his 'when our loved ones die we should be happy for them' advice to Anakin which, shockingly, didn't improve his Anxieties.

And he acknowledges the clones as individuals! It's a really sweet scene actually, and it starts the show out with the confirmation that yes these are people, they are full people with individual personalities. And then it gets helpfully ignored and Yoda never shows any concern about the clones as individuals again. Especially with the decision to retcon Jek in as one of the clones that Yoda straight up decapitates without pause or reflection.

Likeeee, this really undermines the feeling of the scene and sets an entirely different tone for Yoda's character to me, because it's such a strong moment in episode, so for it to never really come up with Yoda in particular again it's just. It's a weird decision, character tone wise.

Anyway this kind of ended up making me more resentful of Yoda in the long run? Because we get the immediate and obvious proof that he knows the clones are individuals, all of them unique and valuable, and then he proceeds to keep leading the Jedi through using them as tools for the rest of the war and ends up executing one of these same clones years later without pause or concern. If they had threaded this through a little more and given us more scenes like this it might not feel so stark? But that's also a big issue with the writing of the Jedi in general, where they lightly brush against the moral issues of the clones and then suddenly go "OH LOOK, LIGHTSABERS" and ignore it for 20 episodes.

My headcanon way of interpreting this is that Yoda was still very open early on but soon enough he starts realizing how many clones are going to die in this war. Each of them unique in the force. And since he's not really willing to push back against the Senate, for a variety of reasons, his other option is to just. Retreat back emotionally from the clones as individuals. Can't be consumed by negativity if you simply refuse to feel those bad things!

That said 'the force resides in all lifeforms' - increasingly loving this kind of drop in now that we know anyone can learn to use the force to some degree.

Another thing I enjoy is that I think that Yoda is actually really served design wise by the early season TCW animation. He looks good when he's stylized in the wood carving fashion.

This is much more of a flashy fight episode than a plot one, but any time clones are onscreen of course I can collect a pile of Thoughts about them. We also get a lot of battle droid comedy relief because they may be godawful fighters but at least they're funny. I think it does work better several episodes into the watch than it did as the very first episode, because watching the TCW movie (which was mostly excuses for long fights) and THEN this was a slog, but interspersing with other episodes that had a bit more substance to them made it feel like less of one.

Still. Vibrating about the clones even more in this watch because of having Hidden Enemy be so early on and calling attention to the clones horrifying situation makes my complicated feelings on Yoda acknowledging their individuality once and never again SO much stronger. Just. GAH. MY BOYS?

On a final note. Shout out to this fucking. Face. Ventress makes when she gets her lightsabers back.

Ventress the instant she's called 'young one': >:<

#the clone wars chrono rewatch #This is literally 95% rambling about my Yoda feelings whoops #but to be fair this is not exactly a MASSIVELY PLOT HEAVY EPISODE

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streets-in-paradise · 4 months

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Safe Adult - Andy Barclay x Reader

Requested by Anon

" hey I was wondering if you can write one about Andy Barclay wanting to have kids with his SO please and thank you "

Quickly written on a rush of inspiration, but i hope you will enjoy the result :)

Warning: This fic implies Andy has rescued and deprogrammed Caroline.

Summary: Andy revisits his positive experiences dealing with children happening on the hunt for Chucky and realizes he wants to have kids with you.

Note: For some reason, in that pic he looks like he is having an epiphany and this is exactly what's happening on the fic.

Interactions with children were a vital part on the process of finding Chucky and despite Kyle was always the kindest, Andy noticed how many of them were spontaneously inclined towards him. Strange realization he would get in the most stressfull contexts, with a killer doll possibly after them.

Kids liked him for no damn reason, he just wanted to surveil the fighting ground and they would do anything to get his attention. At one given time, a little girl began to show him her toys before his sister could finish to introduce the excuse her parents needed for their presence. Still, it wasn't untill having Caroline arround that he began to take it seriously. That girl had enough time of being poisoned by Chucky to despise him and despite things weren't always easy, he got to win her trust. She was confortable with him and, according to Lexy, that was an accomplishment for anyone even before Chucky complicated things.

Then there was also Devon, whose blind faith in him remained a mistery that Andy couldn't solve. He never imagined he would be in the position of menthoring a teenage boy, incapable of guessing why anyone would want to emulate him. His affection and admiration were increíble, but also unexplainable. Unlike the little kids, Devon had the proper age to understand that he was a mess of a man and his life sucked.

For most part at least, since it got better with you on it. Against any of his initial predictions, you wanted to stay and your relationship had prospered regardless of the hardships. You had endured a dangerous meeting with Chucky and even after that you were patient regarding the work required on fixing the horrors he would leave behind with each appearance. Out of sudden a little girl was living with you after being rescued and you were on board with it from the start. He didn't ask if you wanted to be part of it, but he didn't have to for you to welcome the child. In fact, you were so involved that he started wondering if you weren't a little too happy with the whole thing.

Children were never a discussed milestone for the possible future of your relationship. He had never consider it before and, if you did, you had never brought it up. However, your reactions were an indication that something had changed. His weird little friend had awakened a side of you that he ignored completely and he wasn't severly alarmed by that.

More like curious, intrigued … Fascinated.

" Why are you acting like if we were her parents?" He questioned you once, ríght after observing in awe how you followed every bedtime ritual that the girl demmanded. " We don't know yet if it's going to be permanent, this is rehabilitation. Once Caroline will be clean from Chucky, she will be free to go for a normal home if she wants to. At least untill Lexy will reach the age to take over. "

You raised an eyebrow, then responded to his question with more questioning.

" Like if she could ever feel comfortable arround anyone else. Tell me this, Andy. Were you ever comfortable in any of those normal foster homes before Kyle had the age to take over?"

You had a point and he hated having to admit it, leading to complete honesty of what what happening inside his mind.

" You may be amazing at this, but I can't be a foster parent! I don't have control over my own damn life! Kids just follow me thinking that I know what i'm doing. "

" Most adults don't know what we are doing, we just pretend we do." You sweetly comforted him out of the self deprecating claim. " It's part of life, but I don't think all these children have been choosing you in vain. There must be something in you that they like: you listen to them, you make them feel understood and safe. "

Andy wasn't convinced of that, despite how flattering it sounded.

" Kyle does that a thowsand times better, so why me? "

" She didn't hear the lies, or saw her best friend in the world betray her. " You theorized out loud. " Your trauma is different and so is your way to connect with children. They relate to you, no matter how hard you try to put distance. "

Your words encouraged him in more than one aspect. Andy felt at the edge of a powerfull realization burried underneath all the layers of insecurity.

" Do you think I could ever be a good dad? "

His shy smile was a ray of hope.

" Of course I do! You would be an excellent one! And I don't say it just because I fall for you a little bit more deep with each of your safe adult stories. " You inmediately encouraged him. " You are a great man who cares so much, when you try your best you give all of you and I love you for that."

Proving your point with actions, you began to roam his face with little kisses.

" I love you, Andy. "

He enjoyed of your affections, but his mind was still focused on the topic.

" … But what if there could be someone else with us, apart from Caroline? Someone smaller and louder. "

" Did you got another Chucky head? " You teased him in return. " We have talked about that. Doll remains are only fine if the parts stay dead. "

He chuckled and pulled you even closer.

" I mean, to bring another Barclay into the world and continue the doll hunter bloodline. I have been thinking I won't live forever, but Chucky may."

Your eyes were open wide with surprise.

" Are you serious?? "

" Yes, I am. Hell, if Chucky dared to have children … Why can't I? " Andy insisted, with confident determination. " I can't do worse than him … Can I? "

You chuckled and kissed him on the lips, clinging to him with radiant happiness.

" There is nothing I would love more than starting a family with you. "

#andy barclay #alex vincent #andy barclay x reader #alex vincent x reader #chucky

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geffenrecords · 3 months

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I see your posts about tim and dally and i think they're hilarious so I was wondering if you had any hcs for them?? they're so underrated it's criminal bc I'm honest to God obsessed w them 😭

whoevr the ffuck asked this thank you somuch I LOVE TIM AND DALLAS.....ARGHHH theyre so fucking interesting to me forever....okay in the book its stated that dallas and tim were always kind of buddies . pb specifically notes that even though dallas got angry and slashed tim's tires for no real reason and then tim retaliated by breaking his ribs that they were still friends. tim goes to see dallas in the hospital, which dallas claims he only does to rub the rumble in his face but i (choose to) believe it was like...more .

tim isnt really a character in the books very much tbh . he has 1 single appearance in the outsders and one in that was then this is now. most of what we hear about him is word of mouth, but when he is onscreen hes described as very cold and scary. ponyboy notes that tim reminds him of an alley cat, and tim praises pony and johnny for killing bob. he kind of just stalks around and talks to everyone a little bit and thats the most we see (besides him breaking his nose again LMAO). pony mentions him A LOT in this book. something thats kind of a '''fandom'''' thing that pisses me off is how people say that darry & soda wouldnt like pony hanging out with curly because he's a ''bad influence'' but this just..isnt true ? pony is always mentioning both the shepards and even says he actually is friends with curly and likes him. the cigarette burning in the hands incident (i think its so cute and funny that tim stopped them. like curly robbing a liquor store is something hes lowkey proud of but curly and pony burning holes in each others hands pisses him off?) and even mentions when he was with curly one time and how he broke something while jumping off a pole. its also noted that despite all the differences between the shepards and the curtis', theyll always help each other and they truly do have each others back. no one makes any comments about how they distrust tim or anythign. in That was then This is Now, tim also shows up once but is mentioned a lot. curly and angela have the most screen time obviously in this book, but i do LOVEE tim's appearance in this book. after mark shaves angelas head, he and curly go and beat up bryon and tim is described as a very frightening person. bryon says that curly is mostly just kind of dumb and violent but tim is genuinely a mean person, noting that curly threatens a lot of people but tim really does mean everything he says and that whatever he says he'll do to someone, he really will. i think this is great! but yeah. twttin also says that the shepards live with their mother and stepdad but i kind of like. ignore this. i think their dynamic is so much more interesting if they live by themselves. i think tim is particularly fascinating BECAUSE of angela and curly. like even tho tim is a terrrible violent person he still raises and takes care of his younger siblings. adds so much more..i think..

but as for him and dally....fuckkkkk dude. the way i view them is that tim is like, genuinely very in love with dallas. like he knows it everyone knows it. usually when i do stuff with them dallas is affectionate towards him in a mostly joking manner, but doesn't really seem aware of tims feelings. obviously i dont think tim or dallas ever really like..talk about their feelings but they have subtle ways of letting each other know. i think theyre most interesting when they hate and love each other. they get in a fistfight and curse each other out b4 going behind bucks and making out for a couple hours . that sort of thing. ponyboys words about them are that theyre "two of a kind" which is CRAZZZYYYYY . like i dont even know where to begin with that one . so anyways . to me, dallas is some little weird nyc freak whos had various on/off relationships, like with sylvia. they kind of cheat on each other and mostly just argue so thats how he views his relationship with tim, and he doesnt really stay with him. however tim does. tim doesnt really have any romantic experiences or anything ( i know that the outsiders says he got the scar on his face from 'a tramp hitting him with a bottle" and that this is most likely implied to say he was trying to get sex from her but i think of it as he got into an argument with some random prostitute. which is honestly kind of funnier. whys he beefing with this poor lady) so to him, dallas is very real and sort of his only thing he has going for him. he takes everything dallas does to and with him VERY personally. if dallas shows up at HIS doorstep after a fight instead of the curtis', tim basically takes this as dallas' version of saying he loves him, even if dallas only did it because his house was closer or whatever. however dallas also will tell him about things going on with sylvia and this pisses tim off so theylll beat each other up about it. and have like car sex after idk. since dallas grew up in the nyc streets and was LITERALLY JAILED AT 10(?) i think of him similar to neil mccormick from mysterious skin . most likely abused at a young age, has sex with a lot of random people to cope with it, "young and willing", that sort of thing. so to him, tim is his buddy hes close with in a really weird way, who cares if they have sex. except tim like really falls in love and dallas is kind of like oh . okay word. i dont know if dallas being in love with tim would really be like...realistic but hopefully it is . hehe. the worst people youve ever met are madly in love with each other...dallas cracks a bottle over tims head when he gets pissed off but they cuddle all night (after almost killing each other fighting it out). itd be like the first time either of them have ever like..experienced a relationship so theyre total weirdos but so sweet in a way ? tim would give dallas stitches after a fight and lay with him all night to make sure he doesnt have a concussion . dallas helps tim get home drunk even when tim tries to shove him away . that sort of thing. i also think curly interacting with dallas is SUCH a funny ass concept and i wish people did stuff with it more. im aware the shepards are boderline my ocs atp but i dont even care . dallas walks in and is like ummm wheres tim and curlys like why 🤨wtf do u want...and dallas just gets So angry. hes literally like beefing with this 14 year old for no fucking reason . dallas would lock curly in the bathroom and forget hes in there when pissed off enough but angela would bully dallas . and he cant really do anything actually harmful to them bc tim would beat his ass so hes just So pissed off.

idk . big fan of whatever se hinton mildly laid down in that book lol.

#random anon comes to me like what do u think of tim and dallas . my foaming at the mouth 1000 word reply #asks #outsiders #um..dude dm me anytime ...id love to talk about them im crazy for them...sigh . se hinton doesnt even know what she fucking HADDD what was #fucking THEREEEEE #dallas & tim being so violent and literally crazy ass ppl but domestic 2gether ? OUUUUUUUU #okay . im done

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angelbvn · 1 year

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K A N A T O + T E D D Y

first off ima do some small basics and backgrounds cause yes- this is just gonna be a deep dive analysis

Kanato Sakamaki ;; 17 ;; race: vampire ;; status: alive. Kanato is currently a 2nd year in HS. companion: Teddy

Kanato grew up with his two brothers, Laito and Ayato. His mother’s name is Cordelia and his fathers name is Karlheinz. Though Kanato suffered a different and more mental abuse from his mother it was still horrific. Cordelia often made Kanato sing for hours for her, deeming him her “little songbird” he’d sing so much his vocal cords would bleed. Kanato also seems to get whatever he wanted from his mother, as she adored his looks and how much he looked like her. Kanato was very lonely child and often played with whatever dolls he had gotten; neglected whenever his other brothers got more attention then he did. Due to this off and on attachment that formed with his mother Kanato became extremely possessive and clingy of his mother; burning her corpse when he finds her, satisfied he could claim her as “his” as he keeps her ashes in teddy.

Though Kanato was often discarded for Ayato due to his mother trying to make Ayato the next Heir, he and Ayato have a somewhat brotherly relationship (as seen when Ayato tells Kanato he’ll catch his bats he lost.)

Kanato and Laito have a much more strained relationship. Laito often uses the fact that he’s older against Kanato, which angers Kanato very much (he doesn’t like being told what to do.) which often ends in Kanato threatening to “cut him into a bunch of pieces”.

Facts about…

Kanato, who often was made to sing “Scarborough Fair” by his mother. Kanato hates spicy and bitter food but loves very sweet things. he has a deep interest in making human dolls and preserving them in their young beauty. his favorite dessert is raspberry pudding.

ooohhhh kay now why i like him the part you’re all waiting for.

For starters i relate very very heavily to Kanato, from the abuse to his bipolar like personality, his possessiveness tendencies, his interest in human dolls, his liking of dolls, etc. my bipolar isn’t nearly as bad as it was but i still feel very heavily for him,, along with that the immense neglect he had as a child (though he was given physical things it’s not enough for a child.) like mentioned, i’m quite fascinated with his human dolls and the concept of them, he wishes to preserve them in their beauty but it’s also his was of “claiming them” and showing them his love. (killing someone in the DL universe is the highest extent of love.) the also extreme attachment issues he has is also very relatable, going so far as to keep his mothers ashes with him at all times (which i totally would never do-) though his bipolar personality is a lot, it most likely stems from his need to get A. what he wants B. control, as people often ignore his outburst or stay away as not to anger him (and they think he’s weird :( ) i think i like his personality a lot because it makes me want to take care of him and help him, and it’s relatable,, he’s also just a very fascinating character. OMFG I ALMOST FORGOT HUS PERFECT LAUGH HOLY SHIT I LOVE IT SO MUCH (specifically jp one but anyway-!) ahhhhhhhhh his laugh is so perfect and just- i’d go on killing sprees with him *thumbs up*. also he likes sweets— immediately 1000000000000xinfity outta ten.

i have a vivid dream? uh imagination? of us running from roof top to roof top singing and laughing. anyway ily Kanato so much and ahhhhh like- idk (how do i end this)

@mydear-graveyard

#brainrot.txt #taking about: Diabolik Lovers #diabolik lovers #kanato sakamaki #diabolik lovers kanato #character analysis #sorta #have fun reading this

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ravenalla · 1 year

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fascinating how fans can give din the benefit of the doubt when he does something thoughtless or harmful to grogu in s3 and merely attribute it to bad writing (like don't get me wrong, it is) but when other characters were also subjected to bad ooc writing, people treated that as that as the character actually being evil (luke) or incompetent (boba) and even used those mischaracterizations to elevate din as being superior as a mentor/guardian or bounty hunter. it was especially noticeable from the fandom when tbobf came out.

idk, like yeah some people are pointing out uncomfortable changes in how din acts around grogu in s3, though he was fine letting a baby work with electrical wires to help fix a ship in an earlier season?? but overall the fandom attitude still isn't as critical of him as much as they were with other characters.

also, favroni chose to fuck up the personalities of established characters who have been around for decades was already stupid enough, and now they're doing that to their own characters. they really don't care.

I mean I’ve seen tons of people legit angry that Disney made Luke so out of character and had Boba sidelined in his own show, not at the characters themselves. But your not wrong in that a lot of people just accepted that characterization because we got to see Mando again, who was framed as the “more interesting” mando, and while I hated the decision like everybody else to stuff his plotlines into Boba’s show I may have been a little biased in looking past it for season 3 since Din is my favorite character. So yeah I agree, Boba and Luke shouldn’t be demonized while Din is given a pass, personally I think all of it is just bad writing trying too hard to make the sequel trilogy make sense.

As for the wire thing I’m not saying Din’s a model parent, part of the humor of the show was he was a bounty hunter who had no damn idea how to take care of a baby, but the one thing they were consistent with was that he was always trying to keep the kid safe from outside danger, it was the one thing he could do. So it just doesn’t feel right to me he suddenly chooses to bring Grogu along, not even that Grogu insisted on coming himself. It’d be one thing if we were suppose to see Din as being a bad father like when Peli chewed him out in season 1 for leaving him on the ship, but it’s not it’s treated as completely normal and not an issue because it’s not suppose to say anything about Din’s character it’s just so Grogu can be there with the IG-12 idea. Luke at least I get because Disney wants to do the whole “oh this is why the Jedi fell apart again Luke’s repeating the same mistakes.” It’s stupid and doesn’t make sense at all for who Luke is but it’s the plan they laid out in those last 3 movies. Boba…nah Boba was just done the dirtiest.

For me all three of them are cases of “these characters would not do or say these things, it’s just the weird directions these writers wanted to go” more so than me giving Din the benefit of the doubt. Din’s not a saint, he kills people and literally was fine working for imperials and even went through with trafficking a baby before changing his mind. He’s not the greatest person, but one of his good qualities has always been him going above and beyond to keep the baby safe afterwards from outside threats, and after finally getting him back after losing him in a season where their entire relationship has been ignore most of the time I just think this is exactly what you said. Favreau and Filoni fucking up their characters for certain plotlines without caring what it implies. Again.

#the mandalorian #mando critical #din djarin #grogu #the mandalorian spoilers #ask #anon

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yellowocaballero · 2 years

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Iron Fist is Kinda Weird

Or: How do we talk about talking about social justice?

I have a diseased brain poisoned from reading comic books since elementary school, and I think it's fun to look at bad things and wonder why they're bad. I ended up writing Danny Rand AKA The Immortal Iron Fist for my Moon Knight fic series and I got so deep into researching him and the Heroes For Hire that he began to interest me. I ended up having a lot of opinions about it, things went out of hand again, I wrote a very weird Iron Fist story, and I'm officially giving up and putting my thoughts down about the character.

TL;DR: Iron Fist's history, character, and most notable relationship has an intrinsic relationship with race that really shouldn't be ignored, but the consistent framing of the character is highly revealing of the assumed context of media about social issues.

Yeah, there's some stuff to talk about. Rest under the cut. I want to make a giant disclaimer here that I am speaking from the perspective of the origins and histories of the characters, and that I am sourcing from the 1970s-1980s Heroes For Hire comic.

Unfortunately Important History

In 1974 comic book executives realized that martial arts movies were highly popular among teenage boys and were making a lot of money. Similarly, the other comic book execs across the hall were also realizing that Blaxploitation movies were also super hot right now. Thus, Iron Fist and Luke Cage were born. With this identical genesis, it's fitting that they ended up so tightly paired.

Thanks in part to the martial arts movies and the booming Hong Kong and Japanese industries, Orientalism was at a huge high America. Probably highest since the 1920s when the whole archeology thing and movies with dancing women were really taking off. TV shows like Kung Fu, about a man who wandered around knowing kung fu, were about the glories of kung fu and featuring a half-white half-Asian man played by a white man. Similarly, Blaxpoitation movies (which I know relatively little about besides the fact that the NAACP hated it, so that's probably the main takeaway here) were probably the first American film genre predominantly featuring Black people. Blaxploitation films...talked about Black issues...kind of...in a way, and you can see that thread in Luke Cage. The main thing you need to know about Luke Cage was that Dwayne McDuffie, one of the founders of the imprint featuring the only comics that actually deserve to talk about race (DC you neutered Static Shock), hated him. The background for these guys and the cultural & media landscape that gave birth to them is important, but you mostly just need to get that they were born from an American voyeuristic fascination with sensationalized depictions of other cultures.

Frog (Luke) and Toad (Danny) Are Friends

To their credit (?), they did eventually realize this about themselves, and Danny and Luke's strong friendship was characterized by their polar opposite backgrounds. Danny had been adopted at nine years old by the mystical Oriental city of kung fu etc, became the specialest little white boy and harnessed his chi to become the hero of K'un Lun, and travelled back to America in a revenge quest to find his father's killer and avenge him and inherit a fuckton of money. Luke was in a gang and then prison and he's very bitter about the prison industrial complex. They're good friends and a great team, but you can see repeatedly that no matter how seamlessly they work in the field they essentially can never understand each other. The most interesting parts of their relationship involve the push and pull of this disconnect, where Danny's naïve and clueless about America and Luke has to teach him about how the world works and the injustices that POC face. Luke teaches Danny about racism and checks his privilege like a thousand times a day. Observe.

Danny doesn't know or give a shit about money so he cluelessly tells Luke that they are best friends, what's mine is yours! Luke's tetchy about it because of Blaxpoitation Baggage. Danny's offended and he doesn't know why, Luke's old wounds are reopened and he struggles to explain it. Frog and Toad have racial conflict.

Danny is, basically, the clueless white guy. The backstory panels highlight that: he was trained in kung fu in K'un Lun, and now he's swimming in money and privilege in America and Luke feels weird about it.

Look at the way Danny talks about himself - Danny talks about his life in K'un Lun as if he had gone to the weirdest boarding school of all time. He talks about K'un Lun from a distance, using words an American would use. Danny is the privileged, sheltered white guy.

He does not think of Asia as an actual home. He doesn't identify with it. Narratively and thematically, he is a white guy who grew up in a sheltered place learning kung fu and now he's Dazed And Confused in America struggling to connect with his best friend's very unsheltered experiences.

The conversations Danny has with Luke about race are held as a white person. It is Luke explaining racism to a white person over and over again. It is a white person's clueless privilege being knocked down a peg again and again. Danny could be from Antarctica or Mars and his relationship with Luke would be he same.

Wait, Why Would A Dynamic Entirely Around Race Never Engage With The Fact That One Party Grew Up In Asia

You tell me buddy!!!

Why! Why make this choice? It is RIGHT there! Why would a guy whose entire schtick is living in Fantasy Vaguely Tibet from ages 9-19 never once speak from that cultural perspective? Why flush all of that experience and perspective down the drain?

Why would Danny engage with the world as a privileged, clueless white guy? He was just a kid when he left America. He doesn't engage with these conversations with Luke as, "Wow, your weird American situation's fucked up", he engages with it as "That can't possibly be what America is like!". Like a white person. There is no difference between Danny and someone who never left their boarding school as a child.

Is this really the most interesting way to talk about race? The characters, by virtue of their history and genesis, are inherently about race. Why are we talking about it as a Black guy constantly educating a white guy instead of as a Black guy talking to a white guy who grew up in Fantasy Tibet? As a a product of capitalism to a product of Whatever K'un Lun's Fantasy Economy was. As a product of a highly racialized society to an aracialized society. As someone who's from an area of great cultural and racial diversity to someone who grew up in a racial and cultural monoculture.

Why does Danny not have a complex relationship with his own race? He was the only white guy around for ten years, that has to be kind of weird. How does he relate his adopted culture to his home one? How does he deal with the white privilege he does hold when he doesn't understand why he holds it? I can seriously go on. I absolutely did go on.

None of this makes any sense. And the only way it makes any sense if if you see that Luke & Danny's conversations about race are not actually conversations about race. They are Luke explaining racism to the reader. Danny is the audience stand-in. The audience is obviously American white guys, so Danny has to be white and engage with the entire thing as an American white guy would. As he audience stand-in Danny has to come from the same place and viewpoint as the assumed reader, so he has to come from a place of white privilege.

It sucks. Not every reader was a privileged white guy. Not every reader was white. This narrative decision, conscious or unconscious, cut off a lot of interesting choices at the kneecaps. Because there is a basic assumption that white audiences cannot relate to nonwhite characters, and that they are incapable of looking through another's eyes and learning from their perspective.

How Do We Talk About Talking About Race?

Why should we care that Iron Fist is uninteresting and bad? This is not news. The premise has always been vaguely racist and boring. I've read some pretty nifty Iron Fists in my time and there are a fair handful of good Iron Fist comics, but the very root of the character is Orientalist. This Dances With Wolves style of 'story about POC but the lead has to be white or white people won't watch it' scenario is very old hat.

Heroes For Hire is interested in race. Luke Cage & Iron Fist are characterized by race. Their writers can admit this or not, but it's true. At its best, this inherent disconnect opens up the comics for potentially interesting breakdowns of racial dynamics, prejudice, the prison industrial complex, privilege, and American society. Luke & Danny talk about everything from capitalism to crime. Pretty reliably, the comic tends to actually try.

But all of these conversations are fixed through a white gaze. Luke talks through a white gaze, Danny's characterized by a white gaze, and these conversations are written with the white audience as the implied constant observers. At a certain point it never really feels like two different perspectives clashing and changing - just one perspective, talking about two different issues from both sides of its mouth.

I have mixed feelings on #ownvoices, but I think this is what people mean when they talk about it. There is a provincial, reductionist scope of perspectives allowed into the conversations Heroes For Hire holds, and although that's not a crime it's abjectly disappointing when compared against the interesting stories that could be told.

I haven't read a modern Iron Fist comic in like ten years, and the last time I read Heroes For Hire was during the cursed Civil War situation. I really don't know if modern Heroes For Hire and Danny & Luke are still like this. They probably aren't! But the same problems probably still underlie the two characters, and their origins will always occupy this strange space.

TL;DR: Read Milestone comics. Start with Static and move to Icon & Rocket. These are the only comics about race people should read. Look up their history sometime, it's fascinating. Ignore Luke Cage & Iron Fist. Good god.

#my writing #iron fist #luke cage #danny rand #heroes for hire #it was all RIGHT HERE and they didnt DO ANYTHING WITH IT #i got pissed off and decided to. do something with it #I think when you make it so that danny doesn't remember america #and change danny from #weirdest boarding school member of all time #into #guy who is from this country #more interesting stuff opens up. if ur not a coward.

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mavis-merry-magnolia · 1 year

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next question

i think you will like this one...

what parts of hanekawa makes her your favorite? give me the full blorbo thoughtdump 😈

OH so you want it to be go time? It's go time? I suppose it's go time.

Note I am NOT a writer or well articulated so this is going to be ALL over the place fdjkhds.

So just to begin, Hanekawa is such a fun and mysterious character for a lot of Bakemonogatari. She's literally the first character we're introduced to properly other than Koyomi. And their very first scene already establishes that they have some history together, what with her seemingly being Koyomi's only friend. And shows us a couple flashes of Black Hanekawa but refusing to elaborate. And the season just continues to drip feed us that there is just something UP with the sweet little glasses wearing student council president. Allusions to spring break, and Something happening during Golden Week that Koyomi and Meme don't really elaborate on much. Her genuinely offputting comments about the way Koyomi hitting Mayoi and how he's "supposed" to do it, combined with the fact she could see Mayoi at ALL once it's revealed what exactly Mayoi is and how her mechanics work. The fact that whenever she's on the phone she's NEVER at home, always wandering the streets. It builds up so much subtle intrigue in what the hell is going on with her behind the scenes, given that Koyomi basically outright idolizes her and talks up how amazing and perfect she is in most cases.

I'm a very big fan of these kinds of setups for characters and their arcs. It's why i'm currently so fascinated with how information and scenes regarding Ougi are being dripped out and revealed across Second Season. But I digress.

And then Tsubasa Cat rolls around and begins to shed some light on just exactly how NOT okay she is by revealing information on her home life, as well as the beginnings of exactly what the hell went down during golden week. It's at this point that the narrative starts to pick at the part of her that it's kept hidden so far. How much of her Good Girl act is a raw self defense mechanism for her. She's never had anyone she could actually open up to like Koyomi before. She just so...casually talks about the abuse she's suffered to him.

To go on a small tangent, a character trait about Koyomi that I like is that he's really willing to throw himself under the bus for the sake of cheering others up if need be. During the talk where Hanekawa talks about her father hitting her, he realizes that he can't really...do anything about it, and can see that she's getting really upset and desperate when she asks him not to tell anyone. So he starts going on a goofy little pervy bit to cheer her up, since she likes his weird sense of humor. It's a really sweet moment for them.

Anyway, back on topic. Not to detail my own life all too much but, the way Hanekawa defends herself from her environment and the world around her hits VERY close to home with my own experiences. As someone who's had to constantly mask and people please her whole life, it hits so close to home seeing how she handles all of that and...the consequences it has, in the form of Black Hanekawa.

This is just me speaking entirely from my own experiences but, learning from the Nekomono Duology that ultimately even with the influence of the Sawari Neko, Black Hanekawa is STILL Hanekawa, hit really close to home, in the way that when stresses in my life build up like this, due to my own masking and outright rejection or ignoring of them, it manifests in....destructive episodes. I start thinking, talking, and acting erratically in a way that doesn't feel like Me at all. I've ended up nearly permanently damaging very close and important relationships to myself several times because of this. I don't feel like myself at all, like I become a totally different person. And, I dunno, I just...I really felt something seeing Tsubasa be pushed to her breaking point and lashing out at everything around her in a similar way. It made me really...invested. In seeing where her character would go after that.

Augh and speaking of where her character goes like...I've mentioned it in past posts but I love how absolutely dynamic of a character she is too. Like, we've gotten to see her ENTIRE journey through this story. From her mysterious introduction in Bake, seeing her chronological introduction in Kizumonogatari and just...seeing how MUCH her and Koyomi went through together. With Kizu you can just...it's SO easy to see how Tsubasa fell in love with him. Their budding friendship and complicated feelings for one another through the story arc are SO sweet and precious to me. Like. For every part of her that's a front, she really is just a sweetheart underneath it all. She just isn't able to express it all healthily. I mean, her persistence and care managed to break through Koyomi's shell at his MOST soggiest and cringiest. And then Nise...while she doesn't appear much, I REALLY like how she's shown here, taking the aftermath of Tsubasa Cat where everyone just kinda...puts a bandaid on the situation.

Okay doubling back to talk about that, something that I think makes Tsubasa Cat stand out compared to the other 4 Bake arcs is that each of the other arcs resolve themselves pretty soundly? Like yeah we know that down the road more complications arise but, looking at the story in the order it's written, pretty much all of the arcs have a solid and happy end. But that doesn't really happen with Tsubasa Cat, because the issue of Hanekawa being unable to express her feelings just isn't addressed at all. We just go back to ignoring it and hoping for the best. And I love how Tsubasa tries to give off the air that something has changed. Wearing contacts and cutting her hair. Hair cutting being a pretty common symbolism of change and all. But...it's both superficial. It's another act, and I love it. I've been there myself so many times. Acting like i've made a big change to fix something going wrong when really...it's a lie i'm telling myself and to others.

And then there's the Nekomono Duology just, making EVERYTHING come full circle. The full explanation of just What Black Hanekawa is and how she relates to how Tsubasa is. Tsubasa spending time with Hitagi, who helps her start to break down some of the barriers she's put up, with their discussion of cooking among other things. Kako manifesting at a time that Koyomi is NOT there anymore for her to fall back on and depend on, forcing her to take what she learned from spending time with Hitagi, Karen and Tsukihi to heart and just...coming to terms with herself. ALL parts of herself. Tsubasa, Black Hanekawa, and Kako all together. Finally coming to change herself for REAL and make REAL steps towards healing and growth, symbolized far more proper by Black Hanekawa and Kako's white hair mixing with her natural black....it all comes together so wonderfully. And it's really helped me start to figure myself out in a similar way and make real, ACTUAL changes for the better for myself.

It's the narrative in Monogatari that has hit me the absolute hardest to date and I love every second devoted to it.

...and on a much less personal level, I just think she's really funny and cute in how she bounces off of all the other FREAKS in this cast. It's hard to call anyone in Monogatari "Normal" but I think she plays a hilarious straightman in most situations she's thrust into.

Gods and I've barely even talked about Black Hanekawa or Kako have I? Silly cat and Angy cat. The fact that Yui Horie can have such a distinct range for Tsubasa and Black Hanekawa is amazing, on top of the fact she has to pepper all those nyas into her speech too. I just love that the manifestation of Tsubasa's repressed stress and feelings is just acting like a silly catgirl who fucking GETS you. I wish that's how my stress manifestations were.

I've been typing this for like, an hour and I still feel like there's more I can say jdkhdf.

Basically. I love her so much. All of her. And she's been helping me understand and come to love all of me too.

#merry mumbles #monogatari #tsubasa hanekawa #hanekawa tsubasa #this is soooo long and so unorganized and not even half of what I could say i'm just too sleepy to keep going fdskjhfd

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somewhereinthepines · 1 year

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dunno if you were asked this before but what you most favorite dynamic out of all your supermassive ships?

i don’t think, that i answered it on such a scale before tbh. i’ve been asked about my supermassive otps separately tho, so like mmmm….

idk. i can’t say, that i have a specific favorite among all of them. each pair has elements that fascinate me, and while they all have smth that tangles them together, they’re also fundamentally different. i look at chris x ryan, and john x andrew, which at first glance is what i’m calling a caretaker + their silent, younger companion sort of gimmick, but they’re also go deeper than this, and there is very big difference even in how chris & john handle situations or how andrew & ryan react to things. how andrew will always be more pushy, and how ryan essentially can enter yandere mode, where andrew seem to be just kind of prone to violence of less motivated, less personal kind…..or even a big separation in how chris always tries to cling to imagery of a good person, and john is just kind of embraces the fact, that he’s not a decent man. still, chris somehow fucks up more royally bc of it all vs john, who’s just kinda goes with the flow lol. and then, the roles of who defends who in both ships are reversed. in the quarry, ryan canonically goes out of his way to pretend like everything around him doesn’t scream ‘my mentor isn't who i think he is'. it's so plain. so into your face, yet rayn being unresponsive, being abrasive. and then, he also gets hella passive-aggressive, once someone suggests that he's in denial (he is lol). in LH, it’s john, who canonically closes eyes on andrew’s mishaps and stunted disturbance, downright to forgiving him accidently killing angela (in some routes). i talked in more detail about john & chris’s differences and similarities here. but while they do share the same roots of dynamic, i feel like it evolves into its own category along the way. so honestly, even between those two, it’s kinda impossible for me to pick which is the most preferable or interesting. bc they both are! i'm a sucked for complicated pinning & favoritism, that makes person pick side based on their own selfish pref rather than logic. i love how creepily easy it is for ryan & john to endanger others, if it means that they can keep chris & adnrew 'safe and sound'. i love how this is their first, organic reaction. the quarry kinda messed it up toward the end, but y'know lol. it's the narrative point / the main intent, that counts with me. and where LH wasn't very shy about andrew & john being a 'thing' in whatever way, you might see it....like them being stuck together as oddly 'similiar' unlucky folks or as john being there to mislead you, well, they still were very *cross fingers* like that. in the quarry, you have to actually look a bit more closely to see how much of plot is revolved around ryan & chris's relationships. around ryan trying to save someone, who is in fact, was partly to blame for everything. but honestly, this is what i like about the quarry vs until dawn. at least, chris had someone, who did try to see the best in him. vs until dawn, where by unpopular opinion, i always stuck feeling like josh deserved better friends. i can't watch the prologue and not think, that aside from sam, the rest of josh's friends actually suck tbh. including chris, bc dang, he just abandoned him like that. for a girl..........so while josh did messed up thing, i struggle to feel any sort of sympathy for anyone, but sam in that game. naturally, some characters grew on me and chris was even my fav back at the time, but i don't and cannot respect a half-assed commitmet he showed josh. like man, be more like ryan, dude. point a gun at weird looking gal, that suggest that she's about to kill your camp leader. be like john, and literally ignore safety of everyone, but yourself and that one, young dazed student that you like lol. chris from until dawn is too weak for it. even non-existent dr hill was more devoted to josh vs his best bud. i mean, it kinda sucks, when your mental illness is the only thing, that agrees to keep you company, bc your bff wanna gets laid and just forgets about u. it's realistic tbh, don't get me wrong. but it still stings lol.

*clears throat* sorry, tangled lol.

anyways then, we have the other 2 ships, which are kind of opposites of one another. i mean, dulie & dalim do have similar narrative bits, esp since both pairs have power imbalance as its main trait. but where du’met x charlie will always be a predator/prey, with prey barely being able to do anything against its pursuer, in dalim it's never fully established, who 'controls' the situation in the end. bc realistically, salim would kick dar’s ass, if he saw so fit lol. and the funny part of their relationship is that dar is completely unaware lol. he seems to consider salim to be weaker, more naive and less likely to fight against his commands, since he's kind of a kiss-ass lol. it never occurs to dar, that salim can rebel against him. and if/when salim does, dar basically instantly gets angry/absolutely enraged with him, bc how dare he lol. in dulie, du’met kind of expects charlie to struggle and whine, and cower, and try his hardest, so he’s not holding it against him. he even humors him kinda. still, it's where the big diffence is. charlie is du'met 'prey', whatever intentions he has for him are always 'justified' inside his own mind. dar would only hurt salim, if he goes out of line. he won't randomly harm salim, or consider doing it, even if he might have such impulse. like, i do believe, that he does have them. still, where charlie being du'met 'favorite' means, that du'met would exact more pain and fear on him....with dar, it's the opposite. he would try to keep salim from harm's way, at least to some degree and he certanly won't treat him as poorely as he treats those other people, who are unimportant to him. canonically, out of the whole unit, dar only searching for salim. he's not sorry for all those wasted lives, it seem to barely register with him even. more so, he's actually allows salim to stick in the background for the most part, when he shots around like a maniac lol. it must mean smth comming from a war dog like him. also i must say, that dar & du’met, while both clearly sociopathic, still have very, very different stans there, not to mention, that even their sadism is kinda different too. not even in level, but also in how they apply it. they both clearly love hunting down people. they both enjoy the thrill of chase. but dar in a way uses his position, the situation he’s in as an excuse for it. while, du’met is just like that lol. salim & charlie are also opposites. there is SO very little to connect them by. besides, a very surface level things, such as them being the low-key hyperfixation/main companion for antagonists, and then how they both wander around with a lighter. so once again, its kinda impossible to pick between them, bc they represent very different things, and the characters themselves have way less in common up close vs the chris/ryan and john/adnrew.

taking all 4 ships into account is like examining 4 of your favorite foods. it’s not the matter of which you prefer more, it’s more of what you wanna eat at the moment lol. the silver lining of all my supermassive ships be that they all have a specific brand of fixation/care/pinning/longing for one another. and they usually all have smth, that makes it difficult to approach those relationships/feelings. at least, for one party lol. but it’s kinda impossible to shove them all into some check-box tbh. i mean, it will be very hard to fit let’s say, caring chris, who tries to be good to ryan, even when he scolds him, and dar, who backhands salim, the second he fails to answer him fast enough. or compare andrew, who can push john around and shut him up by mere suggestion of disagrement, and charlie who would most likely fell on his knees and suck du’met off, rather than risk invoking his displeasure. even if simply bc du'met is capable of murdering him lol.

so idk, i can't name the most fav one tbh. i love them all for their own reasons. not to meation, that there is so many ways to explore obsession and other bits, that i love in each ship in its own way. before, i assumed, that i might have a secret fav, but looking at it now, i don't think that i do, haha.

#asks #long post #du'lie #dalim #chris x ryan #john/andrew #and look josh is kinda there too in between it all lol

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