I miss writing and posting fan fiction and every now and then I think about getting back into it. And if you look at my AO3 and stuff, it looks like I quit writing as a hobby a few years ago.
Since 2020 I’ve been working on a few novels, and I had been hoping to publish them. I’m several drafts in and started having a lot of trouble with motivation about 6 months ago though.
Honestly I lost a lot of enthusiasm about publishing anything for real when I found out that as an author I’d have to create and maintain actual social media profiles instead of occasionally shitposting on Tumblr and crawling back into my demon lair for a few months to a year.
Now that Twitter seems to be going belly up faster than the fish in that one viral post I made five years ago, I’m starting to feel more motivated to write again. Because it means I won’t have to have a Twitter.
Yeah I’ll probably have to make some other social media, but with most of the mainstream social media sites plunging deeper and deeper into being shit, maybe I can just have a Live Journal or a MySpace if those are still around.
God how great would it be if we just went back to 2006 style internet. We all just get back on deviantart and make regrettable decisions with our hair and YouTube becomes a cute site for novelty videos again. What is a smartphone.
It’s fucking 4am and I’m exhausted and can’t sleep so don’t even try to decipher this crap.
I just slithered out of bed a few minutes ago and ate some leftover veggie samosas because I ain’t afraid of no heartburn. I’m sitting on my couch hugging a Bidoof plushie and listening to horror stories on YouTube about people nearly being murdered because for some reason that helps me sleep. I’m trying to figure out just how bad of a crush I have on one of my friends and if she felt any of the ambiguous sparks I did while I thawed out some frozen mice and she watched me feed them to my pet snake. I really need to figure out how to tell when people are flirting.
My back hurts and I feel like it’s too late in the night-morning to run into the woods and sing praises to Satan or whatever because that’s just such an awkward thing to do if you can already here the garbage trucks coming around your neighborhood and the local business people are all getting up for work.
Woodland Devil worship is more of a 1am kind of vibe than an almost 5am kind of vibe.
Is this a stream of conscious thought and/or am I way too chock full of sleep deprivation and ADHD?
Anyway, hi Tumblr! I don’t know why you read all that, but if you’ve gotten this far and aren’t going “wtf am I reading”, I think it’s safe to say you need to actually go to bed and get some sleep. I don’t care if it’s 2pm when you’re reading this. If you got this far, your brain is crying and begging you to get at least one night this week of 8 hours because these are not the ramblings of a well rested person.
Also you really need to clean your microwave, and it’s probably time to replace that kitchen sponge.
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Of The Water and the Sunshine: A Fanmix
I guess this is my contribution to Zutara Month: making a fanmix for the wonderful “Arranged marriage Zuko of the Water Tribe” AU @lizanthium thought up somewhere in her beautiful brain. Under the cut so I can add things as they come to me, because by no means am I done here.
Homesick – Sleeping at Last
Call it survival
Call it the freedom of wills;
Where breath is borrowed
Our compass needle stands still
Cry wolf, cry mercy
Cry the name of the one you were raised to believe;
Cry hard, cry yourself to sleep, cry a storm of tears
If it helps you breathe
Comes and Goes In Waves (2013 Remake) – Greg Laswell
This one's for believing
If only for its sake
Come on friends get up now
Love is to be made
Hope – Tim Fain and Sleeping At Last
There is hope in our eyes
When we truly see each other
Like the light of countless stars
We are not afraid of the dark
'Cause there is hope in our hearts
And every single beat, we feel it
To the ends of the earth
Our echo carries on
Linked specifically to this pic.
Bright and Early – Sleeping At Last
But why couldn't I have been safe from the start?
Soundly asleep
The warmth of blankets
Makes me nervous
I'd rather catch a cold
Like sparks in matches
Blink, you'll miss it
The future's up in smoke
Linked to the first panel of this pic.
Walls – Gracie Schram
I’m stepping out from behind my shadow
Bringing to the light what was unknown
All my friendly fears
Have kept me company for so long
I’ve kept this distance, dear
But I’m feeling like it’s all wrong
Times I’ve been hidden, things I’ve been forbidden
Once step closer, one step in
After all I’m learning to let my walls fall
Grow As We Go – Ben Platt
You won't be the only one
I am unfinished, I've got so much left to learn
I don't know how this river runs
But I'd like the company through every twist and turn
Who said it's true
That the growing only happens on your own?
They don't know me and you
You don't ever have to leave
If to change is what you need
You can change right next to me
When you're high, I'll take the lows
You can ebb and I can flow
And we'll take it slow
And grow as we go
Fallen – Gert Taberner
Tell me things you've never said out loud
Just try and go there if you can
Show me the parts of you you're not that proud of
I want to know, I'm just a man
I'll have you know that I have good and bad days
Come on now love, don't be naive
Lay out our cards and you'll see all my mistakes
Well, I don't mind while you're with me
When have I fallen?
Am I crawling on my knees?
Here I'm calling
In the hope that you'll see me
Lay You Down – Matt Corby
And, oh, it's holding me down
To let you inside, now
It's calling out, it's calling me
And I follow the hour
And I will love your way
And I love your way
To let you inside, now
And all along the way
I'll find you, I'll find you
Song to the Siren – Rose Betts
Well, I'm as puzzled as a newborn child
I'm as riddled as the tide
Should I stand amid the breakers
Or should I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing
Swim to me
Swim to me, let me enfold you
Here I am, here I am
Waiting to hold you
Safe and Sound – The Civil Wars and Taylor Swift
Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone
Set to around the time of this pic, when they’re in the Fire Nation and being back around his father and sister is making Zuko much more nervous (and protective of Katara).
Currents – Sleeping at Last
In this sea of change, understanding is our shore
I disappear with no control
The current is strong, my arms are weak
But you are the branch within my reach
The Rip – The Brinks
And the only thing that I was told
Always say the way you're feeling
If the sea of hope is calm
Just surrender to your being
I'm all around you
And if the dark is blinding
I'm all around you
We'll run forever with the lightning
Gravity – Vienna Teng
So don't turn away now
I am turning in revolution.
These are the scars that silence carved on me.
Hey love,
I am a constant satellite
of your blazing sun.
My love,
I obey your law of gravity.
This is the fate you've carved on me
For ~Meta Reasons TM~ I link this specifically to this pic.
First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes
Yours was the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I'd let you know
Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Joy – Iron and Wine
Deep inside the heart of this troubled man
There's an itty bitty boy tugging hard at your hand
Born bitter as a lemon but you must understand
That you've been bringing me joy And I'll only lie when you don't want the truth
I'm only frightened ‘cause you finally gave me something to lose
And it's as loud as a thunderclap and you hear it, too
But you've been bringing me joy
Linked specifically to this pic.
Light – Sleeping at Last
I'll give you everything I have
I'll teach you everything I know
I promise I'll do better
I will always hold you close
But I will learn to let you go
I promise I'll do better
Love and Some Verses – Iron and Wine
Love to say this to your face:
“I’ll love you only.”
Love and some verses you hear
Say what you can't say
Love to say this in your ear
"I'll love you that way."
Not linked to a specific pic (yet?) but the first two lines absolutely have the vibes of Katara kissing Zuko’s scar. I don’t make the rules.
Words – Gregory Alan Isakov
So I’ll send you my words
From the corners of my room
And though I write them by the light of day
Please read them by the light of the moon
Absolutely linked directly to this pic.
Salt and the Sea – Gregory Alan Isakov
And the words you could say
That would always keep me near
Is stay…stay
I belong with the salt and the sea and the stones
Save them all for me.
I'm On My Way – Rich Price
If I lift my head
From the bed of stars, the ocean wide
If I call your name out
Would you carry me on inside
If I close my eyes
Let me put my face in the hot sand
Could you raise your voice up
Feeling that hope
Together with mine, yeah
But I'm on my way
Yes I'm on my way
If I Die, I Love You - Jason Lancaster
And there has always been something about coming home
How every mile closer wherever he'd roam
He could hear all the sounds in his ears making sense
And feel as the weight from his heart started lifting
Ocean Song – Ben Howard
Oh I'm going to the ocean no, no ,no
Answer some of these questions that have been dragging me down
All this time
Over mountains, mountains of black and white, white
Til I know, know what I've found here
Til I know, know what I've found here
Oh darling won't you wait for me?
Darling won't you be there standing there at the shore?
Cause I'll be coming home, coming home soon
Coming home, darling I'll be coming home to you
An unnecessary side note: the father in this narrative is Iroh, because Ozai wouldn’t be that kind nor that poetically vague. Linked specifically to this pic.
Promise – Ben Howard
And meet me there
Bundles of flowers
We'll wade through the hours of cold
Winter shall howl at the walls
Tearing down doors of time
Shelter as we go
And promise me this
You'll wait for me only
Scared of the lonely arms
Surface, far below these birds
And maybe, just maybe, I'll come home
Linked specifically to this pic.
Little Wonders – Rob Thomas
Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
We’re Still Here – Sleeping at Last
Through the static,
Through the ashes
We were brave.
Through the perils
Of endless narrow escapes,
We’re still here. We’re still here.
What Would I Do Without You - Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors
So you got the morning, I got midnight
You are patient, I'm always on time
Oh, what would I do without you?
You got your sunshine, I got rain clouds
You got hope, I got my doubts
So, what would I do without you?
Because I have thought far too much about this song in the context of this AU, have my thoughts: verse 1, verse 3, “chorus” 2 and lines 2 of verses 5 and 6 are from Zuko’s POV. Verse 2, “chorus” 1, verse 4 and the first lines of verses 5 and 6 are Katara’s POV.
Life – Sleeping at Last
She drew her first breath
I learned what love meant
And my heart reconciled all the darkness and light inside my chest
As her hands held tight
And her eyes met mine
I saw the future unfold in silver and gold
And I'm already proud
Beautiful like your mother
You are grace
You are light
The better version of our past
From the start of life
Specifically linked to this pic.
Daughter – Sleeping at Last
If only you knew
The sunlight shines a little brighter
The weight of the world's a little lighter
The stars lean in a little closer
All because of you
Specifically linked to this pic.
BONUS: Surround You – Echosmith
Wherever you are
Whenever you need me
Just crawl in my arms
Oh and I'll hold you beside me
I want my love to surround you
Not a song particularly linked to this AU or even ZK with any real meta, but I love this song and I like thinking about it and the bottom panel of this pic together so. (This pic still makes me the most feral of all okay.)
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