#and then brain 2 . The trauma and bad emotions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lialacleaf · 7 months

Text

A Touch Too Personal

Chapter 2

Summary: You had a crush on Ghost since you started working for Price in communications, but the gruff, reserved Lieutenant only acknowledged your existence on the job. That starts to change with a simple, thoughtful gift. Warnings: Fluff, Simon is bad at processing emotions, past trauma

Imposter Syndrome is often described as feeling unworthy of good things. There’s no basis for this feeling, it’s simply a learned reaction.

It’s exactly how Simon felt after you’d given him that blanket.

He’d never gone out of his way to do anything nice for you. Hell, he barely regarded you when he dropped off his mission reports, which he now felt badly about. Being in that stuffy little office was probably bad enough, but being disregarded entirely by the people who counted on you was probably even worse.

After his most recent mission, he’d actually been too nervous to see you, and sent them in with Gaz. He’d fully intended to deliver them himself, and profusely thank you for the gift, but he had gotten stuck a few steps from your door, and aborted the mission entirely.

He felt like such a screw up, which lead him to his current predicament.

“You wanna do what now?” Soap asked as he sipped his morning coffee in the break room.

“I wanna get her a gift.” Ghost said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why?”

Ghost was silent for a moment, starring Soap down with his piercing gaze. “Just ‘cause,” he said stiffly.

“You mean ‘cause of your blankie?” Soap teased and Ghost’s eyes widened. “Ah man she was so proud of that thing, couldn’t wait to give it to you.”

Ghost felt his face grow warm beneath his mask. “Alright, yes. She got me a gift, it’s only proper I do the same,” he said stiffly. “What do you usually get her?”

Soap took a long sip of his coffee. “Nothin’ at all.”

Ghost glared at him. “What?”

“You heard me. She doesn’t do it for something in return. She does it for the smile, the hug, and the thank you.” Ghost felt his blood go cold. “You gave her a hug, right L.T.?” Soap asked.

Ghost stared at him for a second or two, before turning on his heel and rushing out of the break room. Soap simply sighed and shook his head.

He was awful. An Awful, stupid, heartless creature. He needed to fix this, and fast, otherwise you might never regard him fondly ever again, and such an idea was suddenly very alarming despite his general disinterest in you as of a few days ago.

You’d done something so sweet for him, and he’d responded callously. He didn’t deserve the gift you’d given him.

Now he was faced with the challenge of making things right, but he didn’t know anything about you. What was he supposed to do that would redeem him in your eyes?

Soap said you liked actions more than receiving things in return. He could work with that.

Your fingers clacked away at your keyboard as the sun began to set, casting an orange glow through your open office window. You were sulking, hiding in your office so you didn’t risk running into him at the mess hall for dinner.

You’d finished your work an hour ago, but you were hoping if you waited until the tail end of the meal he’d be gone.

You felt so stupid, like you may as well have painted a clown face on and paraded around base telling everyone that you were a joke.

It could have been worse, you tried to reason. He could have simply not accepted it. It would have broke your heart if that had been his reaction.

With a sigh, you closed your laptop and pushed it into your bag. You could sulk more comfortably in your bunk. There was no reason to prolong your suffering in your hard-backed office chair.

Your tired feet carried you back to your room as your mind wandered. Did you really think that the Lieutenant Ghost would take an interest in someone like you? You weren’t anything special. Not like him and the rest of 141. You'd been so mystified by him that your brain had completely thrown logic out the window.

When you finally arrived at your room, there was a small, tan sticky note stuck to your door, and your brow furrowed.

My room, 20:00 -Ghost.

You felt your stomach drop. Was he mad at you? Was he going to tell you off for inappropriately giving him a gift?

You let out a sigh, shaking your head as you opened your door. You were too tired to think too long on it and instead focused on stripping your work clothes off in exchange for a comfy pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

You didn’t feel like going to the mess, even though you were starving, so you threw a package of noodles into your hot-pot and called it a day.

You didn’t bother putting on your work shoes when you slipped out to meet your Lieutenant, and slid on a pair of comfy slippers.

You knocked softly at his door, feeling awkward as a group of soldiers passed you in the hallway. You couldn't help but feel as if their whispers were somehow about you as if you were now the butt of a joke.

You hated feeling so anxious, so out of place. It was as if the rest of the world was laughing at you while you, emotionally speaking, tripped over your own feet.

His door opened with a creak, and your eyes flicked up from your feet to stare at the balaclava covering his face, not quite meeting his gaze.

You both stood quietly as you assessed each other, until he moved from the doorway and gestured for you to enter.

“Rough day?” He asked, taking in your disheveled state. His eyes seemed to linger on your slouched shoulders.

“Just long,” you stated, glancing around the room. You paused however when your gaze landed on his bed.

His blanket lay neatly folded at the foot of it, and you felt your heart jump to your throat. It was clear that he had been using it.

“Price said you’ve been working overtime.”

You jumped at the sound of his voice, and the feeling of his hand on your shoulders and he pushed you to sit on his bed.

“There’s been a lot to do,” you said, situating yourself comfortably. A lie, but you doubted he cared about what you did anyway. Your work probably didn't seem very important to him.

He hummed in response, cupping your cheeks as he gazed down at you. You felt your heart stutter as his thumbs gently dug behind your ear, rubbing soothing circles all the way to your collarbones.

“Lieutenant?” You asked in confusion.

“Hmm?” He hummed, massaging your biceps with his large, calloused hands.

You couldn’t help but let your eyes slide closed. “What…what are you doing?”

“Making sure you feel appreciated.”

You felt your face heat up at his words as he pushed you to lay on your back, massaging your calf muscles, before moving to your ankles and feet.

Appreciated didn't even begin to describe what you felt.

"You do an awful lot for us. Wanted to make sure you knew we see it."

You felt floaty, a soft feeling blanketing your mind as the day’s stress melted away. You tried to stay awake, but your body felt heavy, the intoxicating smell of Ghost lingering in your nose as a result of being in his space, and before you knew it you were softly snoring.

Ghost watched you carefully, pushing a stray hair out of your face and running his gloved thumb across your cheek.

You’d looked exhausted when you’d arrived, and he was glad to see you resting, even if it was in his bed. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he scooted in beside you. The blanket was big enough for the both of you after all. You'd made sure of that.

Tag List: Please make sure your profile allows tags if you have asked to be on the tag list! :)

@abbyandersonsblkgf @berryjuicyy @ayanokomu @oreo-cream

@shuttlelauncher81 @whore-for-anime @hipvelociraptor @pokiona

@dilfgestivo @etherealinthewoods @ghostlythots @supernaturallynerdy @caspertheassholeghost @srmacaroni @oranoyaora @lake-145 @penguinobambino @kaysav608 @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @pukbadger @corpsebridenightamare @stateofcatatonia

@royal-jester @ede1facecam @doodle-cat16 @rensolaeir @tamishadawn @kristalhi @wolfyland07 @oxlunamoonxo

@captainpriceslut @dinogirl1o9 @vinithechocolatevampire @keiva1000 @nonamee1997sstuff @alexicrimson @tallmanlover

@carefree-flowerchild @zealouspursecowboydeputy @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @ssoliva @thecorruptedlovely @rk111 @mandus-world @bb-ss-ll @animarix @notsosweetcheeks @khleesi59 @salsa-reads-stuff @enrapturedbythemoon @cassiecasluciluce @fallingthroughdreams @mangohobbit @pearlm00n @nirvanaaaonly @cherrymoon4 @abbiesxox @soundsfunbutno @originaldeerhottub

#simon riley x reader #simon riley #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you

692 notes · View notes

neurosharky · 3 months

Text

ASPD: The Desire for and Run from Intimacy

This post will only contain my personal opinion and experience. It may not be applicable to all other people with ASPD and may likewise be relatable to people who do not have it.

I am only going to be talking about emotional intimacy, but this post is definitely also applicable to the other type of intimacy!

I'll make myself pretty vulnerable in this post, by discussing my personal experience, so you better not make me regret that!

Abbreviations:

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

ASPD is a disability caused by prolonged childhood trauma (with many possible variations), that develops in order to protect the brain from said trauma, or rather to help the brain deal with it in some way!

While the consequences of this in the context of intimacy, look different for every person with ASPD, many do report: a difficulty with developing bonds, having problems trusting people & giving away control, losing feelings for people quickly and abruptly/getting "bored" of people, responding extremely to arguments, having problems dealing with peoples emotions/ problems with being close to people etc.

This may be due to a variety of factors, but does often tie back to having no or few positive experiences with intimacy, having not learned how to exist in relationships properly/a lack of being socialized, not having the necessary prosocial emotions and mechanisms to deal with it and other similar things.

While this causes some people with ASPD to develop a brain, that does not have a need for emotional intimacy at all, others develop a brain, that craves the emotional intimacy it has been denied, but which will also fight said intimacy at every turn.

Thats as much generalized info as I can give you, as the exact representation of this is highly individual, but I will offer my personal experience on the following slides!

What you need to know is that I was accidentally neglected for huge parts of my childhood and teens and did not get my emotional and social needs met most of the time, while also knowing that my parents were theoretically capable of that, as they were giving everything I lacked to my sibling.

This caused me to grow up with a burning desire for intimacy, while being disappointed by people time and time again, failing to actually develop the things needed to experience this intimacy and partially growing to resent it and viewing it as "weak" and "bad".

Ever since then I have been stuck in what I like to call the "ASPD stages of running". Theres different points in getting close to people (in any nature of a relationship), that'll send me running and feeling like I am "weak" for wanting it, or as if being close to people is the worst thing that could happen.

The stages (simply put) are:

1. Desiring/Daydreaming about my dream relationship

2. Looking at peoples relationships/Looking at people with the intent of getting closer to them

3. Talking to people (online or irl)

4. Getting closer / being friends with people

5. Being friends with people for longer

Optionally:

6. Getting so close that a romantic relationship may happen

7. The moment of getting in the relationship / the days after

8. Being in the relationship for a bit

At any of those stages, I'll very likely have one or multiple moments where my ASPD will try to get the better of me and will try to convince me to just run away, drop contact and never talk about it again. Even just admitting to this and talking about it is hard as fuck, because it is so deeply ingrained in my brain to see emotional intimacy as a weak and dangerous thing.

What this will look like exactly really depends on the person and situation, but things that have happened in the past were:

• blocking the person and everyone I am friends with and pretending I am no longer alive

• my brain fixating on their faults in order to give me a good reason to hate them so I don't get closer to them and can hold them at arms length

• responding less often/more dryly or ignoring messages entirely

• not replicating the energy of the conversation/relationship

• staging an incident so I ruin the relationship

• running at the first signs of a disagreement

• avoiding people when they are emotional

• feeling uncomfortable around people as a whole => isolating

• beating myself up about letting it happen again

• impulsively bumping the relationship to another stage, just to immediately regret it (in a "fuck that has consequences" way)

• shutting off all my emotions, dissociate or otherwise make sure to stop the feelings (or just lose them automatically)

To put it in a shorter and more simple way, I'll usually either get the fuck outta there, or make sure to change the relationship/my personal position in the relationship to a more comfortable and less vulnerable and intimate level. This may also just look like me shutting off, becoming distant, or seeming mad, when all I am is overwhelmed by the intimacy and grossed out that I actually need and desire that.

As you can possibly imagine, that is not the most useful thing, as it causes issues in relationships, cuts friendships short and makes dealing with people a lot harder!

The most frustrating thing about this for me though is, that even if the most perfect friend or partner came along and even if the relationship would work at first, I am very very likely to crash it against the wall, simply because my brain cannot handle having the things, that it needs and desires.

It desires a hug and runs from the one who offers it.

It needs help and bites the hand that does.

It needs love and gets grossed out by whoever offers it.

It wants attention and can't handle it when it gets it.

It wants gifts, but doesnt know what to do when it gets them.

Whatever it wants, it can't have, so it keeps wanting, keeps yearning, keeps desiring and has to watch itself be unable to accept any of it.

And if that sounds painful, thats because it is.

Its a vicious kind of pain when you have to watch yourself ruin yet another thing, because your brain can't handle it, while you scream at it in frustration to get its act together, because it also is everything you desperately need.

ASPD sucks when it comes to intimacy and it especially sucks when it comes to talking about it, or being honest about these problems. It developed to protect me from being too "weak" to deal with the trauma and now its practically preventing me from showing any "weakness" or seeking out what previously hurt me. Which wouldn't be this bad, if I didn't still have this kid in me that just wants to be loved and daydreams about all the things, the ASPD hates.

When your shell disagrees with your core and you're not strong enough yet to break your shell, what does that really leave you with, other than curling up into a spiky ball and letting the shell do its job? I know I still need the protection, but I wish it wasn't actively preventing me from learning to live without it.

First posted on my instagram (same @)

#actually aspd #aspd #mental health education #antisocial personality disorder #mental health #antisocial #aspd awareness #aspd feels #aspd thoughts #aspd things #aspd mood #intimacy

179 notes · View notes

kamiversee · 15 days

Text

The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.).

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

┏━━━

A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

┗━━━

now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

┏━━━

A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

┗━━━

i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

┏━━━

A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

┗━━━

chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader]

"A good one."

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

┏━━━

A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

┗━━━

Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?"

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense.

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much?

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine."

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?"

...

"Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused.

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin.

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question.

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

┏━━━

A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

┗━━━

the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

┏━━━

A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

┗━━━

this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

┏━━━

A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

┗━━━

THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

┏━━━

A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

┗━━━

then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna-

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

┏━━━

A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

┗━━━

---

seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

┏━━━

A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

┗━━━

"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

┏━━━

A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

┗━━━

---

okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

┏━━━

A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

┗━━━

Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing?

┏━━━

A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

┗━━━

we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

┏━━━

A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

┗━━━

but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

---

but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

┏━━━

A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together.

┗━━━

it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

---

my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.”

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?”

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement.

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him.

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.”

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. - Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth.

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober.

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..."

Your brows furrow at that.

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you."

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..."

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly.

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?"

"You are."

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense."

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person."

"You could've prevented all this though..."

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you."

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him.

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.”

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow.

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.”

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up.

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.”

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility-

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.”

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…”

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.”

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.”

“But it’s true.” You say.

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

┏━━━

A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

┗━━━

---

but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing.

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence.

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

┏━━━

A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

┗━━━

another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

┏━━━

A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉

┗━━━

there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

┏━━━

A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

#kamiversee!answers #kamiversee #the f*ck list #tfl!theories #tfl spoiler #tfl #k!ans: ☃️

112 notes · View notes

penny00dreadful · 1 year

Text

It's my birthday! 🎂

So here, have a snapshot of one of my WIPs. A Steddie vampire story with a twist!

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 AO3

There was a knock at the door.

Eddie recognised it immediately, drying off his hands on a nearby tea towel and walking through the house to open the front door.

“Hey Robbie.”

Robin didn’t say anything, she never did anymore. She didn’t even really look at him, just glanced up to meet his eyes, hunched in on herself before dropping her gaze back to the floor and shuffling inside, coming to a stop in the sitting room doorway.

“Wayne is asleep upstairs so I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with the cartoons today instead of your own personal Eddie Munson concert.” Eddie smiled, trying to force some levity into his voice but it didn’t work. Levity wasn’t something any of them were really capable of anymore.

Robin didn’t acknowledge that he’d said anything but just moved forward, lowering herself down into the side of the couch deepest into the room and curled into herself even more, waiting for him to turn the tv on and switch to the right channel.

It must be one of the really, really bad days. Usually she liked him to make as much noise as possible around her, to keep her brain from fucking her up on the inside too much but today? On days like this? He knew nothing would work. He just had to be there around her to make sure she didn’t get so lost in her head she couldn’t come back out.

Eddie didn’t want to think about where they would be if the government hadn’t provided him and his uncle the house directly across the road from the Buckleys by pure coincidence. He didn’t want to think about where she would be or what could have happened in the last month had he not been here to distract or just exist around her whenever she called.

He sat down gently next to her, not touching her but close enough if she needed him to reach out. Some days she just needed to be away from her parents house. They just didn’t understand the kind of trauma she’d been through. Not the way everyone else in their group did. Wayne didn’t know exactly what had gone on with the Upside Down either, but he didn’t push. So sometimes she just needed to get away.

Other times… other times she got so caught up and lost in memories and what if’s that she had to remove herself and be with someone familiar.

Eddie waited for Robin to move first. It didn’t take long. Barely two minutes into sitting together she slowly tipped to the side and placed her head on his shoulder. He glanced down at her but she hadn’t taken her eyes off the tv, her face was the same blank mask it always was now, void of emotion. He curled an arm around her and pulled her closer, settling in for a long afternoon being with her on the couch in silence.

They didn’t speak. Conversation wasn’t something that happened with Robin anymore. Sometimes he'd pull his guitar out and spend hours playing to her, or around her. Sometimes he’d ramble at her until his throat was dry, talking about DnD or whatever movies he’d caught on the tv recently, whatever books he’d been reading or music he’d been listening to. Just to fill the void. She always stayed quiet. She just needed distraction and someone around her to keep her from her worst thoughts and Eddie was happy to provide that.

And it wasn’t just Robin. Once they'd landed back in the Rightside-Up, he’d had to pull himself together and start taking care of their little fractured Fellowship because really he was the best candidate. He was the newest member so he shouldn’t have been as attached as everyone else had been.

But deep down he knew that was a lie. He might have had the least amount of time with him but it had been time enough for something to burrow deep into his heart.

A month ago they had all failed. The cracks in the earth had carved through Hawkins, making it almost uninhabitable. Having his name cleared wasn’t exactly the big shiny fuck you comeback he'd hoped. The town had mostly emptied and people had fled, never to look back. But hey, at least he could go outside again, right?

In the aftermath of everything, the Party, the Fellowship, the family was… destroyed.

Scattered.

Adrift.

They all stayed within Hawkins.

Just in case.

Because Vecna wasn’t dead. He hadn’t died. He was still alive, still kicking, still plotting their demise so they couldn’t leave. Eddie wasn’t sure how everyone had convinced their parents to let them stay, or convinced them to stay with them. He had only needed to share a look with Wayne.

He understood. Maybe it was something behind the eyes. They need to see this through to the end.

They had to finish it.

Robin was… broken. Afterwards she watched everyone move around her as if in a perpetual daze, wilting. A shadow of her former self. Eddie had a front row seat to her deteriorating state. Sometimes he’d come home from a gate patrol to find her sitting silent and dead eyed on his porch. Sometimes he was the only one who would be able to get her to eat, often something hot and fresh courtesy of Wayne and his own quiet worry.

Nancy had been enraged and vicious ever since. Throwing herself into research and action with military precision and no one was allowed to step a foot out of line. It scared all of them. She’d lash out at each of them with the barest of provocation, biting and angry and determined to eviscerate Vecna after what had happened.

When the California Crew finally arrived back and Eddie had to break the news to them all over again… that was the first night he’d gone to Loch Nora.

Dustin had joined Nancy in her anger for the first week, spitting and cursing at all of them in turn. Blaming himself, blaming Eddie, screaming and furious.

It had only ended after he’d punched Mike in the jaw in a fit of rage.

El had stopped him from beating Mike to a bloody pulp, holding him still with an outstretched hand, gentle but firm. Dustin had been frothing at the mouth, spitting at her to let me go, he deserves it! The prick deserves it, how dare he say that!

El had looked at him with wide, sad eyes before she whispered “Steve would be so disappointed.”

Silence echoed through the house in the wake of her statement before Dustin collapsed in on himself, wailing and screaming his anguish out into Eddie’s hair who held him through it for hours.

Nancy had stormed out, disappearing into the treeline behind Eddie’s house and coming back an hour later with rips and tears in her clothes, her knuckles bloodied and dried tear tracks down her face. She was still angry and driven after that, but not quite as dictatorial as she’d been before.

When he learned Will had named Mike the heart of the Party in some busted old pizza van, Eddie thought there was a bit too much bias there because he couldn’t see how. But it got him thinking because if Mike was the heart, Steve had been the soul.

And the soul of their Fellowship was gone.

None of them knew how to move forward, to keep going. Eddie could see from his distance as the newbie of the group and through the crumbling foundations of their friendships that all of them had always relied on Steve to keep them together. But they’d never told him. They’d never admitted it. They didn’t know if he knew. But he had to have known, right? Had to have known how important, how fundamental, how central he had been to all their lives.

Even Eddie who’d officially known him the shortest amount of time was fucked up over it. He’d known of him in school, but he’d only ever really gotten to know him in a few short days before it was all over. His perception of everything had been turned on his head. Steve is-

Was.

A good dude.

It had almost been unfair. He was unfailingly kind, overwhelmingly pretty, stupidly brave and incredibly loyal. It had felt like a gift to know him, even if it was just for a few days. He’d give anything for just a few more.

Mike, Will and El were getting to the stage where they could start telling stories about him. Funny, embarrassing, heartbreaking stories that made them laugh and cry in equal measure.

Lucas and Max were not there yet. They couldn’t be in the same room as the stories if they tried.

No one dared try to speak of him around Dustin. It was just too raw.

According to Hopper, his parents had just straight up abandoned the house and Hawkins. Their son was dead and they’d heard about it on the news. The story of the ‘earthquake fissures’ and the ‘plucky few who loved their hometown so much, they refused to leave’ had gone global along with a tribute to those who’d laid down their lives to keep the town safe. Steve’s name was at the top. Finally, something his parents could give a shit about.

The Fellowship tried, they all really tried to keep themselves together. Two weeks after Steve died and the most raw of all of the feelings had changed to an ever present and consuming dull ache rather than a sharp pain, they’d all had a sleepover. Like they always used to do, apparently. Eddie hosted. They all had keys to Steve’s house but no one could stomach even the sight of it. It hurt too much.

Nobody spoke much that night. As much as they could have pretended everything was back like it used to be, everyone felt the shift. Something within them had broken irreparably.

They didn’t have any sleepovers after that.

Eddie looked down as Robin shifted against him, getting to her feet. He wasn’t sure how long they’d sat in front of the tv together, but it had been long enough for the sun to go down. He watched her cross the street, only tearing his eyes away when her own front door closed behind her.

He glanced down at the keys to his van and was starting up the engine before he even realised he’d moved. He just needed a moment… away.

He wasn’t sure when he’d made it a habit to go to the Harrington house, but over the last month he’d found himself escaping there more and more often, courtesy of the upper classes' complete lack of common sense, hiding a spare key under the doormat.

It should feel weird being here but instead it just felt… hushed.

Familiar.

Steve was stained here, even if it was all concentrated in his bedroom. It was the only place in the world that still seemed to carry a shard of him.

He didn't want to think about how creepy being here was. He chose to simply ignore it. Pretend it wasn’t weird to wrap himself in a dead pretty boy’s duvet and stare at a dead pretty boy’s trophy shelf like it would contain the answers to the universe while he tried not to collapse under the weight of keeping everyone else afloat. The whole house would be perpetually still and quiet. It was a tomb of memories, unnervingly silent, holding on to echoes of him like a museum dedicated to him. Every time he touched something outside Steve’s bedroom, he felt like an alarm would go off and security guards would descend. Each time he looked to a corner of the ceiling he expected to see a security camera blinking down at him.

It was unexplainable and inexplicable, curling up in Steve’s bed, so he just did it, rather than dwell on it. He could feel bad about it later, when it no longer brought him comfort. Being here gave him the will to power through just one more day trying to keep the threads of the Fellowship together. It made him feel kind and loyal and brave. Like whisps of Steve were reaching out and lending him his strength. It was the only reason he’d gotten through the first week of Dustin blaming him for Steve’s death, of Robin staring blankly at nothing. He would have caved in on himself otherwise.

It wasn’t often that he allowed himself to fall asleep here in the dusty memory of Steve’s space but whenever he did it was fitful and thankfully, relatively dreamless.

Tonight was not one of those nights.

He knew he was dreaming as soon as he saw him.

It was the same dream he’d had for the last month.

But knowing and being able to change how it went were two different things and each time Eddie was forced to play his part exactly as he had the night Steve died.

It had been the thing Dustin had lashed out at Eddie for the most. Eddie was supposed to be the distraction with him. Steve had decided at the last second that he just couldn’t leave his baby brother out of his sight. Eddie understood, he got it. So he’d agreed to swap out. He went with Robin and Nancy to the Creel house. He’d thrown molotov’s harder than anything he’d thrown before, but it hadn’t mattered. Vecna had crashed through the attic window and disappeared when they went down to check.

The trudge back to the trailer had been tense and twitchy, only broken when they’d heard Dustin screaming through the treeline.

That sound was the most terrifying thing he’d ever heard because he knew that Steve would never have let Dustin get hurt.

So if Dustin was hurt, it could only mean that something had happened to Steve.

Eddie never ran harder in his life but in the end it hadn’t mattered. Dustin had Steve’s body clutched in his arms, begging his friend, his brother, his dad to come back to him.

There was so much blood. Red and black blood mixed around him, caked on the end of his nail bat, covering his hands and spilling out of his mouth like he’d torn into those bats again, the same as he had back at the lake.

One whole side of his neck was missing. Eddie had moved around, pressing onto the other side with two fingers, looking for a pulse he knew wouldn’t be there. Dark red blood that had coagulated into chunks had gushed suddenly out of the open wound and Dustin screamed, high and horrified and Eddie thought his skin was going to turn inside out at the sound.

Of course there was no pulse and no breath. His body was cold and unnaturally still, his wide open honey brown eyes were dull and unseeing.

Steve was dead.

So completely and utterly dead that no one tried to make the argument to save him because there was nothing there. Just an empty shell wearing Steve’s beautiful face.

Nancy stared down at him, ghostly pale and shaking, muttering to herself “Not again, please don’t take him too.”

Dustin fought, kicked and screamed, growled and bit when they tried to pull him away. He refused to leave him there, in the Upside Down, but what could they do? Steve was the strong one, he was the athlete. The large built tank. Eddie, Robin and Nancy were all skinny and completely muscle-less. The only reason they were able to get Dustin out was because all his thrashing had damaged his ankle further, the pain making him go limp and dazed long enough to pull him back toward the gate under Eddie’s arm.

Eddie had to pull himself together very quickly to try to usher these three out. He’d have to take care of them, he knew it empirically, he could see it on their faces. He didn’t know how he was going to do it. He’d just have to remember what Wayne had done for him and try to follow his lead.

One moment he was helping Dustin up the trailer stairs, the next moment he realised Robin wasn’t with them. He looked back and his heart fell out of his stomach at the sight that greeted him.

She had laid down on the ground next to Steve and taken his hand, still and quiet. A thought had entered Eddie’s mind, of how Quasimodo’s story had ended in the book and it terrified him.

Nancy had whispered to her for minutes though it felt like hours as he watched, eventually coaxing Robin up and leading her back towards the trailer, though not before they both tenderly kissed Steve’s cold face and Robin fixed his hair exactly how he liked it. She glanced up at Eddie with a watery sad smile as she passed.

“There is all that I ever loved.” She whispered to him with one final look back to Steve, confirming Eddie’s worst fears.

She would have been content to lie next to him, waiting for death to come to her, joining her soulmate in eternity.

She hadn’t uttered a word since.

But before the dream could continue into the agony of Dustin turning his rage back on Eddie, he awoke with a jump.

He wasn’t quite sure what had woken him from his slumber at first. He was surrounded by the smell of Steve that had long faded but he could still imagine it. The stillness of the house around him set him on edge and made him feel watched. But Steve’s room was always separated from that feeling. It felt safe and protected.

That feeling disappeared into dust as the bedroom door creaked.

Eddie shot up from the bed, swinging one of Steve’s nail bats at the dark figure looming in the doorway.

It was too broad to be Nancy or Robin or Joyce or Jonathan, too tall to be any one of the kids or Argyle, too short to be Hopper. Was this the Demogorgan he’d heard stories about? He hadn’t seen one yet.

Eddie brought the nail bat down with as much power as he could muster, which was not a lot considering his nerd arms, aiming right for the shoulder-neck junction.

A hand shot out, grasping the bat just above where Eddie’s fingers clutched desperately to it, stopping it dead in a strong, immovable grip.

Eddie yanked backwards, attempting to pull the bat with him but felt it ripped from his hands with incredible force and he braced, squeezing his eyes shut and tensing his body.

He was going to die. This is how he died.

“That’s mine.” A voice said to him with just the faintest tinge of amusement.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 AO3

#steddie #steve and robin #steve x eddie #stranger things #eddie x steve #eddie and robin #steddie fic #stranger things fic #fanfic #penny00dreadful #steddie vampire fic #steddie fanfic #vampire au #steddie vampire au #happy birthday to me #vampire steve #vampire steve harrington #Return of The King Steddie #happy anniversary to me

364 notes · View notes

ink-asunder · 4 months

Text

I know nobody asked, but my two cents on the "who can say the c slur" discourse is this.

I don't believe in trauma olympics. I DO believe in varying degrees of severity. I have to use a cane to get around, but someone who is wheelchair bound inarguably has a more severe disability than me. That doesn't mean I'm not disabled.

But at the same time, the threshold for being oppressed is actually really low. As soon as you have a single condition that can't be beaten into submission in 2 years tops, the medical system basically deprioritizes you because if you can't be fixed, it's not worth fixing. The fact that autistic people need to get a dx and accommodations to wear headphones at work is RIDICULOUS. I was recently deemed unfit to work because I'd need more than 2 bathroom breaks a day?? Like, healthy neurotypical abled society expects too much of healthy neurotypical abled people. The threshold for "disability" accordingto an employer is really fucking low.

One time, a privately owned attraction got a waiver from the ADA and tried to bully me into not using my cane and going through their attraction without it. Someone in a wheel chair couldn't even get throught the front DOOR, but I was still ableism'd against on the basis of my physical ability. The threshold for being oppressed is really fucking low.

The truth is, you don't HAVE to have severe symptoms or limitations in order to experience some type of oppression.

Don't say the c slur on the basis of your mental health. Yeah, the brain is an organ and part of the body, and it may physically limit you under duress of intense physical or emotional distress. I'm not denying that. But there is a BIG difference between having sensory meltdowns and not being able to climb fucking stairs. And I'm not gatekeeping the word disability either--just use that! It's bad enough. It's bad ENOUGH. You don't need to come up with a slur for yourselves to reclaim to feel some power over a situation where you are being oppressed. Just existing and accommodating yourself is punk enough.

#sorry this is long im medicated #disability #disabled #c slur #cpunk #cripple punk #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue

138 notes · View notes

wangxianficfinder · 8 months

Text

In the mood for...

~*~

1. Hi! For the next ITMF can you recommend me a protective sibling JYL and JWY. I want them to tell LWJ if he just want to fight/berate/scolding WWX, he better stay away from WWX because of LWJ's attitude not only hurt WWX feeling but hurting WWX reputation and social standing.

Bonus if they team up with WQ and WN

Another bonus if they are angry at LXC at forcing a situation where LWJ and WWX forced to be together when LWJ is not ready to accept his own feeling. They are angry because it only benefit LWJ (he learn to deal with his feeling and socialize) and hurting WWX. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

could you find a way to let me down slowly, if you’re leaving baby let me down slowly by ravenditefairylights (M, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Implied/Referenced Sex, Miscommunication, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Hurt WWX, Mutual Pining, Unreliable Narrator, Self-Esteem Issues, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Protective Siblings, Trauma, Slightly dubious consent, courtesy of drunk sex, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Phoenix Mountain, Chronic Pain, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts, One Braincell Trio, PTSD)

~*~

2. Hello! First of all thank you for all your recommendations, my brain would probably rot without them. Do you know any fic where wwx has to marry/court/fake marry lxc but is in love with lwj, with the first jade knowing this and absolutely supporting it?

still left with the river by TooSel (E, 77k, WangXian, ChengQing, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fix-It, Arranged Marriage, Political Alliances, Yílíng Wèi Sect, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Jealousy, Infidelity, Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation Sect Politics) still left with the river is pretty damn close

~*~

3. ITMF: Hello! I recently read “Turn Left” and it gave me lots of Twin Jades of Lan feels. I’d love to read more fics where LWJ + LXC are separated while young and reunite as adults. I’ve read “we could turn the world to gold,” but those are the only fics I know of with a long-lost-brothers premise. It doesn’t need to be the whole focus, but I’d like something emotional that explores LWJ + LXC’s relationship. No incest, please, and if LWJ has romance I’d prefer wangxian endgame. Thanks so much!!

Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, wangxian, modern, unleashed au, Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx's biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending) nowhere near the focus of the story, as lwj and lxc were separated very young, but i found it interesting anyway

The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 85k, WangXian, YZY/TLJ, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Fix-It, Family, Not Lan Sect Friendly, Bad Dads, good dads, JFM's A+ parenting, Qingheng-Jun's F- Existence, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Sort Of, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Canonical Character Death) This technically happens in the Lan Zhan only part of the Same Moon Shines series

~*~

4. Hope you guys are well!! IITMF Dark Lan Wangji being super protective of Wei WuXian.

Bonus if it's Dark Gusu Lan being protective of our bunny. Please rec only completed fics or the ones that are regularly being updated.

Thank you ~ @tinyfoxpeach

A Matter of Time by mrcformoso (E, 44k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, POV LWJ, POV JC, Dark LWJ, Manipulation, Grooming, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Except problematic please read warning in first chapter, Blood and Violence, Insane LWJ, Manic LWJ, Conditioning, WWX is a Lán, Minor Character Death, Confused JC, Golden Core Reveal, Good Friend NHS, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Abusive Jiāng Family, Jiāng Family Bashing, Jiāng Family Critical, POV NHS, Dark NHS, Anal Sex, Marathon Sex, Dual Cultivation, Qīnghéng-jūn Lives, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Self-Lubricates, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Scheming NHS, Manipulative NHS, BAMF LWJ, BAMF WWX) link in #14

💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting)

~*~

5. I’m in the Mood for a Fic where WWX can use LWJ sword maybe LWJ can also use his, it doesn’t have to be the main point of the story. It could just maybe be a little moment in a bigger story would be great as well @zerokogane

when you’re doing all the leaving (then it’s never your love lost) by tardigradeschool (T, 26k, wangxian, canon divergence, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, sharing clothes, sharing a bed, fix-it, golden core transfer) has a few moments where WWX gets to wield Bichen

come home to my heart by occultings (microcomets) (M, 29k, WangXian, Bodyswap, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Misunderstandings, and a little bit of hurt/comfort as a treat)

❤️ Gentians in bloom by teawater (M, 251k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, AU after cold spring, Political Marriage, Dysfunctional Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, LQR bashing (not really), POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Eventual Happy Ending, BAMF WWX, JC is actually a lot better than canon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, YZY bashing (again not completely)) has something like that at one point if i remember correctly 😊

~*~

6. I just want to ask , is there a fiction where wei wuxian dies at xuanwu cave @random-online-reader

Blood of the Black Earth by wirevix (M, 16k, wangxian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, canon divergence, major character death, Xuánwǔ of Slaughter Cave, Sunshot Campaign, Sad with a Happy Ending, Ghost WWX, Monster WWX, Canonical Character Death, Although not at the canonical time, Grief/Mourning, Good Sibling JC, WIP)

~*~

7. A friend recommended I put a request. I'm in the mood for something like making out to hide from the bad guys, wangxian, modern or not, doesn't matter, I read Shifting Suspicion by scifigeek14 and loved it

~*~

8. #itmf in the mood for a fic where lan zhan is protective of wei ying in canon verse; but in a more direct way, like someone said something or did something ? and lan zhan is frost chill angered @wutheringskies

~*~

9. I’m in the mood for fic where A) it’s a Wangxian Disney inspired au of sorts anything works or B) Wangxian Detective au @selkie-hi

9A)

all your life you'll dream of this by Attila (T, 22k, WangXian, Fairy tale, Cinderella Fusion, Pining)

Frog, Beast, Fish, Idiot by Attila (T, 3k, WangXian, Fairy Tale, DumbassesStarring in:, The Frog Prince, Beauty and the Beast, The little mermaid)

9B)

Keep Track of Losing Days by giraffeter (T, 74k, WangXian, NieLan, Modern AU, Case Fic, Mystery, Getting Together, Flashbacks, Detective LWJ, antifa WWX, Sharing a Bed, First Kiss, First Meetings, Seattle, Mutual Pining, nonfatal car accident, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers) wwx is missing and lwj is a detective

~*~

10. Hi! I have two requests for itmf. A) Anyone know of any good crow!WWX fics? I’ve had a craving for this recently. B) Also, I want everyone’s favorite modern wangxian fics pretty please! Thank you!

10A)

you by sami (T, 6k, wangxian, modern w magic, shapeshifter au, accidental baby acquisation)

�� [insert bird pun here] by nienie (T, 7k, wangxian, canon divergence, Animal Transformation, Reincarnation, Thirteen Years of WWX's Death, Crow WWX, Light Angst w Happy Ending, Fluff, Light-Hearted)

❤️ chasing you by jaws_3 (T, 10k, wangxian, shapeshifting, identity porn, pining)

10B)

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery)

Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks)

together, we’re just enough by lulu_kitty (E, 134k, wangxian, past WWX/OFC, modern, younger LWJ, bartender LWJ, older WWX, rich WWX, fluff, yearning, smut, bottom LWJ, LWJ has scoliosis, slow burn)

With No Particular Affection by Chrononautical (E, 92k, WangXian, Modern AU, Arranged Marriage, Kid Fic, Miscommunication, Family Drama, JFM and YZY’s A+ Parenting, Good Uncle JC, Wedding Fluff, Genius WWX, Street Kid WWX, Homelessness, Rich LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Cinnamon Roll WN, Implied/Referenced Suicide, WWX Has a Pregnancy Kink, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst)

The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 61k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mood Whiplash, musician LWJ, nanny wwx, Developing Relationship, Breakup, Texting, Pining, Eventual Happy Ending, Adoption, Child Abuse, abuse intervention, Miscommunication)

Waiting for Spring by thievinghippo (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, MLB AU, Baseball AU, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, slight angst, Happy Ending)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

He is Wei Wuxian’s by devinokaze (T, 41k, WangXian, Modern AU, Celebrity, actor!wwx, singer!dancer!lwj, Social Media, Entertainment Industry, POV Outsider, Fluff and Humor)

You & Me Baby, We’ll Eclipse The Sun Series by 2501987 (M/E, 130k, WangXian, XiCheng, MIND THE TAGS, Modern AU, Mafia, Murder husbands, Torture, Possessive Behavior, Blood and Violence, Older JC, Younger WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Dark)

INSTAnt Attraction by CaliKayeTylers (T, 41k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, JGY/NHS, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, modern, Fluff, Meet-Cute, Getting Together, Age Difference, Mental Health Issues, Instagram Model)

Lan Zhan's University Days (JAFFY) by sami (T, 10k, wangxian, modern (with cultivation), immortality, University, outsider pov, Wei Wuxian is a chaos gremlin, ridiculous future bullshit, wwx vs Local Culture)

the minor fall, the major lift by Fleetling (T, 5k, wangxian, modern, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Musicians, Canon Divergence, Oblivious WWX, Good Sibling LXC, Supportive LXC)

To See You (Again) by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 84k, wangxian, modern, London au, LWJ fucks, bottom LWJ, friends to lovers, self-discovery, pining, grindr, light bondage, experienced LWJ, less experienced WWX, straight boy WWX) link in #17

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 90k, WIP, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war)

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

~*~

11. helloooo, hope your day is lovely.

(i guess this would be a itmf) Do you have anything where past and future characters meet. any characters is fine but like hopefully they all meet as a group @twlaei

A Room Full of Dead People by BurningBlueDiamond (T, 10k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, but not really, canon divergence, Conference in Qinghe but canonically they stay in Gusu, pov outsider)

~*~

12. hello! please, for the next iitmf: song lan/xiao xingchen, preferably modern au, no song lan/xiao xingchen/xue yang, no abo, no mpreg. thank you!

~*~

13. for the next itmf, i was wondering if you have any fics set in novel post-canon before they return to cloud recesses? maybe about their elopement or getting married or just them being happy after finally getting together. thank you for your hard work!

Honeymoon Every Day series by Admiranda, Rynne (E, 103k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Married WangXian, Oral Sex, Snowballing, Hand Jobs, Blindfolds, Dom/sub Undertones, Soft WangXian, Frottage, Clothed Sex, Outdoor Sex, Fluff, Bathtub Sex, Riding, Cockwarming, Hair Washing, Post-Canon, Hair Brushing, Gift Giving, Case Fic, Drunkji, Masturbation, Dirty Talk, Pillow Talk, Post-Coital Cuddling, Come Marking, WWX is a Tease, Domestic Fluff, WWX's debatably self-lubing ass, Night Hunting, Grumpy Ghosts, meteor showers, Intercrural Sex, Non-Penetrative Sex, LWJ Has a Biting Kink, Rough Sex, Minor Masochism, Minor Sadism, WWX is a Brat, Face-Fucking, Anal Sex, Bondage, Forehead Ribbon Bondage, Nightmares, Mild Hurt/Comfort, WangXian Have a Breeding Kink, Mischievous WWX, Inventor WWX)

~*~

14. For an IITMF, can y'all rec me some LWJ time travel fics? Was thinking about Same Moon Shines series again, and now I'm craving some good LWJ going back in time, whether purposefully or by accident, and loving his Wei Ying properly from the start 🥺

Looking at You Always, All Ways by Keysmashed (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nostalgia, Subtly Assertive LWJ, very mild angst, Angst with a Happy Ending)

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, slow burn, getting together, first time, pining, pining while fucking, burial mounds settlement days, angst w happy ending)

Brother-In-Law's by Loveable_Psychopath (M, 324k, JYL/JZX, wangxian, JC/WQ, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, Memories, Butterfly Effect, Sexual assualt, Self Harm, Self Doubt, BAMF JC, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Recovery, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Everyone Lives au, PTSD, good parent YZY, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Canon-Typical Violence, Warning: JGS, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Second Chances, WIP)

Unlikely Trio by YumichanHamano (T, 112k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, time travel, transmigration, Fluff, Attempt at humour, Some Canon Character Deaths, Cloud Recesses study days)

~*~

15. I'm struggling a bit atm so I've come crawling back for another ITMF request. Are there any fics that have rusong in them? Alive? Preferably complete (I know of at least 2 wips that haven't been updated in over a year)? And failing that, any where wwx and/or lwj adopt mo xuanyu? Thank you again for all your hard work and thank you to all the people that share their recs ❤ @theladypeartree

🧡 Resplendence by FrozenMarVel ( E, 166k, WIP, WangXian, CS Lives, Rouge cultivator WWX, Crossdressing, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of sorts, Fluff, Explicit smut) link in #17

Lan Xichen's Home For Politically Inconvenient Children by Lysces (T, 65k, LXC & LWJ, LWJ & LSZ, LXC & LSZ, JRS & QS, JGY/QS, JC/WQ, wangxian, JGY & LXC & NMJ, Canon Divergence, Post-Bloodbath of Nightless City, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Intentional Baby Acquisition, LXC pov, Canon Half-Sibling Incest, Minor Character Death, Off-screen torture, Aftermath of Torture, mild medical descriptions, Grief/Mourning, Necromancy, Adoption, good brother LXC)

~*~

16. itmf nmj/lxc centric fics! mentions of relationships with jgy are ok, but pls be endgame nmj/lxc and jgy getting kicked to the curb and/or getting his just desserts. tyvm!

Synced by theherocomplex (T, 23k, LXC/NMJ, scifi au, romance, falling in love, light body horror, character study)

found in translation by sysrae (E, 12k, LXC/NMJ, wangxian, modern cultivation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, not LQR friendly, Meddling brothers, Coming Out, Loss of Virginity, Under-negotiated Kink, slight breathplay, Light Dom/sub, Aftercare, Angst with a Happy Ending)

yeah it's true (that I fell for you) by ThirtySixSaveFiles (E, 7k, LXC/NMJ, modern, Online Dating, conference attendance, Mistaken Identity, Interfering Siblings, Sexting)

~*~

17. hello! for the next itmf, can you guys rec fic: a) wwx and lan qiren being besties, like they're in good terms, or something like lan qiren realizes that wwx is a genius. b) maybe your fav fic/s for this month, any tag/s is okay :)) thank you! @httpskaixx

17A)

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing)

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 663k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

17B)

Hua Xianle by Tiffany_Guinne (Not rated, 170k, hualian, wangxian, not jiang friendly, not YZY friendly, not JC friendly, not JFM friendly, WWX adopted by hualian, no golden core transfer, WIP)

🧡 Resplendence by FrozenMarVel ( E, 166k, WIP, WangXian, CS Lives, Rouge cultivator WWX, Crossdressing, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of sorts, Fluff, Explicit smut)

Ghost of Mine by SasukiMimochi (E, 113k, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, wangxian, Golden Core Reveal, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Demonic Cultivation, YLLZ WWX, Canon Temporary Character Death, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural Elements, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Romance, Domestic Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide, Past JYL/JZX, WIP)

The water keeps on flowing by IsilmeLasgalen (E, 114k, wangxian, WKX/ZZS, BSSR/LY, JYL/JZX, MXY/NHS, Cultivation Sect Politics, YLLZ WWX, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, LWJ pov, WWX pov, The mistery of Madam Lan, The Power of Communication, Soft wangxian, The Ghost Path, Yīn Iron, outsider pov, multiple pov, Protective WWX, Morally Gray WWX, Bottom LWJ, Smut, Shameless wangxian, Angst, Fluff, Everyone Lives au)

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

for you, andante by xuanxuanwo (ostentatiouslyrealistic) (T, 35k, WangXian, Modern AU, Music, Musicians, Pianist LWJ, Guitarist WWX, Kid Fic, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Existential Crisis, Unrelated JGY & QS, Friendship, Romance, Light Angst, Happy Ending)

The Twin Blades of Yunmeng by GhostySword & ofmindelans (T, 82k, JC & WWX, wangxian, JC/NHS, canon divergence, JC & WWX, reconciliation, BAMF JC, protective LWJ, golden core reveal, angst w/ happy ending, slow burn, sect leader QS, WIP)

Hanlong by micratus (E, 282k, WangXian, Modern AU, Case Fic, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, But not only Cloud Recesses, Slow Burn, Oblivious WWX, Drunken Shenanigans, References to Drugs, Canon-Typical Violence, Action & Romance, Eventual Smut, Reincarnation, Humor, This is a translation, Modern with Cultivation)

burning camellias by AvoOwO (M, 284k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Prisoner of War, Genius WWX, Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Violence, Blood and Injury, BAMF WQ, BAMF WWX, BAMF WN, POV WWX, Hurt WWX, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Sentient Burial Mounds, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, No Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has No Golden Core, Golden Core Destruction | Golden Core Melting, Poisoning, Protective WQ, Medical Torture, Cannibalism, PTSD, Dubious Consent Consent Issues, Heavy Angst, MIND THE TAGS)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

146 notes · View notes

sirfrogsworth · 2 months

Text

Thoughts on Live Action Avatar: TLA

I'm sure people are going to hate this. Some for valid reasons. Some because of endless nitpicking that really has no bearing on how good or bad it actually was. Some because they have already chosen to hate it and it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But I always root for things to be good. I want them to succeed. And I always go into everything I watch with the hope and expectation it will be good. I turn off my critical brain and try to just experience the show for what it is. As I said, I saw no trailers. I read no reviews. I knew almost nothing about the production of this going in.

Initially, things were rough... buddy.

And I think that is a longstanding problem with live action TV shows in general. I am always reminded of Star Trek TNG and how it took two seasons (48 episodes) before they figured out what the hell they were doing. Back then shows were able to find their footing and grow and learn. Actors were given time to find their characters and understand them and finally become them.

But now, every show has to be amazing from the start or they get cancelled. And I think people have become very unforgiving of first seasons as well. I feel like not enough people consider the potential of something getting better. And I think that is a shame.

So, yes, Avatar started out rough. They tried to cram all of the exposition into the first 20 minutes. And that was unpleasant. The effects were jarring at first. It is incredibly difficult to translate animation into live action. And please don't say the CGI was "bad." It wasn't. There was just so much that needed to be packed into every frame of this show to make it work, and finding a way to make it all seamlessly blend is a monumental task. I think the artists did an amazing job with the constraints of essentially making an 8 hour movie in the time usually given a 2 hour one.

But as the show continued, the actors seemed more comfortable in their roles. The showrunners seemed to figure out what worked and what didn't. The quality across the board started to improve. Especially when they started to deviate a little bit from following the cartoon. I also noticed that the effects that were jarring in the beginning eventually stopped bothering me and breaking immersion. I got used to them and was able to just focus on the story. And I think they got a little better as well. The bending was much more convincing as the show progressed. And it was a bajillion times better than the slow-motion bending of that movie that shall not be named.

And by the final episode, I was all in. The Avatar monster was really cool. And I was crying my eyes out and having all kinds of emotions. And there were some changes they made to the story which I actually thought made more sense. And I was glad this show was doing a few things to differentiate rather than being an exact carbon copy.

It won me over.

And I know it won't do that for everyone. And perhaps I am forgiving a lot of sins just because I wanted it to be good. The original was my absolute favorite show of all time. I just liked spending time with these characters again.

But I liked it more than I didn't and I'm hoping that is the general consensus, but I fear that is not the case.

Things I really liked...

I thought the actor playing Sokka was really great. They didn't give him enough humorous material. But I think this kid absolutely nailed the role. And if this gets another season, I do hope he can show Sokka's lighter side a bit more.

Ken Leung also did amazing as Zhao. I think he surpassed his cartoon counterpart in villainy. I loved hating him.

The final battle was beautiful. I think they probably dedicated a lot of resources to that. Maybe at the expense of other things. But I think it was worth it to end strong.

In the first season of the cartoon, the trauma was often skipped over or kept very brief. I'm sure the idea of dealing with genocide and war time trauma was not an easy sell to Nickelodeon initially. But they did actually take the time to show some of that trauma, especially with Katara and Sokka. And I cried a bunch.

They seemed to go to considerable effort to have a diverse cast. I am glad they learned that lesson from the movie.

That said, they probably could have brought back Dee Bradley Baker to make the animal noises. This might have been an overcorrection...

I guess this will give the anti-wokesters something to complain about since the original was already super woke and it is probably a challenge to complain about the new thing being woke as well. Though I'm sure they are up to the challenge.

Things I didn't care for...

The compressed timeline caused a few stories to be combined and accelerated. I understand why that was necessary. But there were some important moments of character growth that got lost.

Sokka's missing sexism. I think it is much more useful to see someone grow and change and let go of their problematic traits than to pretend that never existed. Sokka's sexism was a symbol of the conservative views within water tribe culture in general. It was also foreshadowing for the conflict with Pakku (which was also minimized). I just think young viewers seeing a character overcome ingrained ideals has a greater influence than just erasing that aspect from the character.

Things I hated...

Princess Yue's hair. You get the amazing Amber Midthunder to play Yue, and she does an amazing job with extremely abbreviated screen time, but I couldn't stop staring at whatever that was they put on her noggin. I know I criticized people for nitpicking, but that was very distracting. I don't know exactly how it could have been done better, but I worry a great performance is going to get overshadowed by... hair.

In conclusion...

I think the people making this show loved the source material. I can see that love. I think they tried very hard to make the best show possible. And I also know they are probably going to get a lot of hate. I still haven't looked at the reviews because I didn't want to be influenced when writing this. But I can feel the review bombing as we speak.

But this was not a Witcher situation where the writers didn't respect the source material. This was displaying how incredibly difficult it is to convert one of the most beautifully animated shows in existence into live action. Maybe that is an argument for not making live action versions. Though I usually love them when they work and am happy both versions exist.

I really hope people can remember the original still exists and they can completely disregard this and watch the cartoon any time they wish. This doesn't have to "ruin their childhood." These two things can exist and everyone is perfectly capable of ignoring all of the live action material.

But I do hope this gets another season. I think that final episode showed the potential. I think the cast was getting comfortable in their roles and they deserve another chance to show what they can do.

I love Paul Sun-Hyung Lee and I think he was a great choice for Iroh. But Mako's shoes are probably the biggest shoes in the existence of shoes to try and fill. I do not envy the task he was given. But every once in a while I saw that Mako spirit come out in his performance and I think he could use another season to really find that and show us what he is capable of.

This felt a lot like The Phantom Menace to me. There was actually a ton of amazing stuff to love in that movie. But it didn't quite work the way the original movies did. But I think this was good enough to hope for the future.

55 notes · View notes

mommyownsmee · 3 months

Note

Hey! i asked myself recently how i can find a good domme since i did read a lot about fake dommes out there and it made me feel really worried and scared. do you have tips or anything for me? :)

1. They ‚own‘ you immediately. Bad Dom/mes say ‚You’re mine now‘ or some form of that way very much too soon. A Sub giving themselves to a Dom/me is a real gift. It isn’t something that can be taken or demanded. It must be earned and given over freely and intentionally through time by developing trust. If a Dom/me says ‚I own you‘ before you have offered it on your own or/and if they tell you to call them ‚Mistress/Master‘ right away, run!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

2. They don't take the time to get to know a Subs limits - both mentally and physically. There are some things like light choking, that could trigger traumas or physical reactions. Imagine the consequences: Joint issues, heart conditions, etc! Subs also have triggers and emotional considerations from past trauma or just from nothing and Dom/mes need to ask about them and respect them. If a Dom/me doesn't ask, tell them. If they don't care, run!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

3. They don't respect your limits. For excample: After you've said ‚no anal’ and you're tied up, the Dom/me asks for anal or worse or takes it: This is a nightmare scenario that happens all too often. If this happens, you might consider filing assault charges. At the very least, a Sub should black ball the Dom/me. Now, there is a time and place for pushing limits, but communication is key. Once the relationship is established, talking about pushing boundaries is normal and it's ok to change your mind - but: Mid-scene isn't the time to have a discussion (unless the Sub wants it!). But limits are limits for a reason. If a Dom/me doesn't respect them, ditch the loser immediately!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

4. They don't establish or respect safe words or they try to convince you that you don't need them. This is a huge-huge red flag. You should run and not slowly. Block them and tell every Sub you know to not play with them! This is the recipe for assault. I'm not being dramatic. Run. Remember to establish consent signals for those times you’re in a hood and gagged under it. Rhythmic tapping, shaking your head consistently, make a ‚no no no’-sound from behind your gag: They all work. Safe signals are as important as safe words.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

5. They don't ask you what you want to achieve or what you like or why you want to submit. Initial trust starts with understanding what a Submissive wants and what they like. A Dom/me should take the time to get in your brain and find out what you find hot and find out what scenarios and fantasies you think about. In order to establish and maintain trust, you have to start by making your Sub happy. If a Dom/me makes it all about themselves, you should consider yourself a doll or accessory and you should consider talking to them about it. If they don't want to listen, you should run!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

6. Consent is everything! Consent happens moment by moment and Dom/mes or Subs can remove their consent at any time. Consent is key! Consent = Trust. Consent is everything! If a Dom/me doesn't stop when consent is removed and says: ‚you agreed beforehand’: That Dom/me is an asshole and you should run. Consent is dynamic and happens moment to moment. Keep that in mind!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

7. A Dom/me tears down a Sub. Humiliation, degradation, and lots of other things can be fun! But when a Dom uses them to tear down a Sub, break their spirit, truly make them feel worth - less or worthless, that Dom/me is not a Dom/me. They are an abuser. A good Dom/me builds a Sub up and helps them achieve their goals. Both in play and in real life. A good Dom/me helps their Sub to be their best and live their best life. If your Dom/me doesn't, it's time to reconsider your choice.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

8. The Dom/me talks without listening. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship this is especially true with D/S relationships. If the Dom/me isn't willing to listen - or vice versa - the relationship is in trouble and this is a red flag. Both parties need to feel empowered enough to express their concerns, feelings and emotions. If you can't do this, you are going to have a bad time. I can't say this enough.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

9. The Dom/me doesn't reciprocate. Imagine that the Dom/me can do whatever they choose and has absolutely no responsibility to the Sub, but the Sub is tightly controlled. Yeah, this isn't good. This is a red flag and the Sub should bring it up and consider this behavior a warning and a ‚tell‘ to future behaviors. For instance, Dom/me tells Sub they have to work out every day and stay fit for them but refuses to take care of themselves. Red Flag. Run.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

10. Dom/me denies aftercare. Girls, we all can forget, but if this is how a Dom/me plays consistently, the Sub is being neglected. Aftercare is so important. Chemistry aside, this is an incredibly important bonding tool that builds trust and ensures future play. If a Dom/me forgets aftercare, a Sub should ask. If a Dom/me denies aftercare, run!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

This list is not completed at all. Bad behavior can happen in lots of forms. These are just red flags I came up with. I just wrote it as a ‚basics guide‘ so Subs can find out more about fake Dom/mes and what they are/how they behave. I think everyone needs more understanding in this community and to be honest I am sick and tired of abuse Dom/mes. They make us all look bad, they make our lifestyle look bad, but mostly, people get hurt. They get injured, they get emotionally damaged, they get hurt for a long time. As an active member of the BDSM community, we should all take the time to recognize and praise good behavior - but at the same time we all need to call bad behavior. Please, do this for the sake of everyone!

Feel free to add anything you like!

Tips, questions, ideas, account names of fake Dom/mes etc.!

71 notes · View notes

miguelswifey04 · 10 months

Text

mentally gone... (miguel o'hara x gender neutral! reader)

in which y/n suffers a brain injury, in a coma, and miguel loses his one and only.

WARNING: angst, suffering, trauma, near death experience (?)

part 2, part 1

miguel felt something break inside of him. he heard something shatter. maybe it was the sound of his heart breaking into millions of pieces he just didn’t know what to do. he just lost someone so important to him again. this can’t be. no not this again…

“no, no, NO!” he yelled out, “this can’t be…you mean to tell me they lost their memories?!” he didn’t know what to do but just stare at the doctor. he did not want to believe anything he just heard from the doctor saying you had amnesia. he did know you hit your head hard onto the ground but he just did not want to consider that possibility at all. he wanted all of this to be a wicked nightmare. oh god, he just wanted it to just be a nightmare. ‘please be a nightmare’ miguel begged to his brain…but he had to face the reality of it all. it was indeed not a nightmare.

miguel began to cry as he walked by your side. you looked at him as you furrowed your brows as you were so confused at the fact a stranger was crying over you. you didn’t know what to do but wince at the headache that you had as you held your head in your hands feeling the fabric of the bandages that were wrapped around you head. you looked up at him again and started to feel somewhat bad for him. he was distraught and a mess. miguel came closer to you as he fell down onto his knees besides your hospital bed and became to apologize profusely in between sobs.

“i—i’m so so s-orry, this is all my fault,” he held his face in his hands still on the edge of you bed. you were stunned to say the least and felt various emotions clash with one another in your heart. this was all too much for you, and you didn’t even recognize the poor man who was crying over you. you wanted to say something anything to get this man to stop crying.

you cautiously reached out to him as you put your hand on his shoulder. he immediately looked up to you as he shakily wiped his tears as his chest rose up and down viciously. you could tell he was shaking so badly. you felt bad. “i’m trying my hardest to remember but i can’t it hurts to try to recall any of my memories.” that’s all you’ve managed to say and his face fell to one of the horrors you would see in a horror movie. he was mortified towards the fact that you may never ever recognize him ever again or even if you did you probably wouldn’t feel the same way you once did for him ever again.

“please, it’s okay y/n…i’ll do my best for you to remember me again.” miguel said his voice quaking as he pleaded. he was looking for any signs that may indicate that you might remember quite literally anything but none were evident. a few more tears began to cascade down his chiseled face as he sniffled. he had dried tear stains on his face from his previous tears but all of that was washed clean with new ones. he reached out to grab a hand from you but you slightly flinched from his touch so he gently retrieved it back.

you stood there silent. you were confused and conflicted with a man who was promising you to make you remember. a man who was devoted to make you somewhat bring back your memories that have been blocked for who knows how long. how are you supposed to trust a man who you don’t even know? do you just take his word for it or deny him? “i just don’t know.” you muttered under your breath.

miguel was clinging on the last threads of hope. his stomach churned at your words and god did they stab him deep in the heart. he wanted to just hold you so tightly but he didn’t because he did not want to overstep your boundaries because after all you weren’t the same person he once fell in love with. you were a whole new person. miguel knew he needed to respect that as much as he did not want to accept it.

he took shallow deep breaths as he stood up on his own feet. most of the air he breathed did not fill his lungs properly. he would clench and unclench his fists as a way to sooth his internal aching. “i understand how you feel but please i’ll make you remember us. we had it all…god i’m such a fucking fool for never telling you that i loved you…”

“you loved me?”

“yes. yes i did and i still do. i’ll do anything i can to make you fall back in love with me.”

“i—i don’t know.” you knew he had to give it up now but you did not know that miguel was the type of person to never give up. he knew this time he had to try his very best to bring back the person he once loved. he did not care if it would take him years to make you fall for him. he just didn’t care because what he was not going to do was give up. at the very least you were alive but you weren’t the person miguel knew. you seemed unbothered and confused and in a way lifeless even though your soul was still intact. in a sense a part of you did die when you were knocked unconscious and fell off a building.

miguel left your room and gave you one last glance through the window of your hospital room and disappeared. you felt a twinge of sadness in your heart as you felt alone in your hospital room that was filled by beeps of the machines and the sound of the IV dropping from the bag. you didn’t understand why you felt that way but you did, but you brushed off that feeling as you looked up at the ceiling trying to remember. nothing came to mind.

miguel was consumed by his loneliness and that loneliness turned into angry outbursts. everyone noticed the slight change in miguel’s mannerisms and random emotional outbursts. he was a broken man just trying to make sense of it all while the responsibility of the multiverse were at his shoulders. jess and peter, even gwen and hobie tried to stir clear of his wrath. everyone was quite afraid to make him angry but you did not know that. you did not know anything that was going on. you were kept in the dark even though people would visit you.

this was a battle that you and miguel were facing alone. who will overcome their battles and who will lose?

…

a/n: let me know if you want me to continue this <3

@omartheuwu @arianyo

#spiderman atsv #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel spiderman #spider man: across the spider verse #spider person #atsv x reader #spidersona #ao3 works #angst prompt #heavy angst #🌱 lin writes

176 notes · View notes

runninriot · 3 months

Text

for @steddielovemonth

February 2

prompt: love is bodies touching... by @eyesofshinigami | rated: T | wc: 1160 | post S4, everybody lives, dealing with post UD trauma, Eddie takes care of Steve, Steve is bad at feelings, emotional hurt/comfort, open ending

Healing

Eddie can’t take it anymore. For days now he’s been watching Steve suffer in silence. He doesn’t know what happened but something has been weighing him down. He looks tired, exhausted. Like he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in forever. Like maybe the nightmares are back and with them the fear. Like maybe he’s seeing the monsters again, whenever he closes his eyes.

Eddie knows Steve doesn’t like to talk about it, about his worries and fears. That Steve likes to pretend that he’s strong, tougher than the rest of them. That he isn’t afraid of the dark. That years of fighting monsters and surviving literal torture have not taken their toll on him.

It’s bullshit. And Eddie tried so many times to get him to talk about it or even just to make him listen. Tried to tell him that it is normal to feel helpless, and weak, and small sometimes. That it is okay. That he’s allowed to be scared just like the rest of them. But Steve never gives in, always says he’s fine.

Eddie knows he is definitely not. Can see it in the worry line between his furrowed brows, can see it in the way he hunches his shoulders, can see it in the dark circles under his eyes. He can see it in the way Steve flinches at loud, unexpected noises or the tiniest flickers of light.

He decided to try and take Steve’s mind off the horrors in other ways. That’s why he invited him over to spend some time talking shit, drinking beer, doing things young adults are supposed to do – be silly, live life; not fighting monsters. Not real ones, not those haunting their dreams.

They’re sitting on Eddie’s bed with their backs against the wall. Eddie is playing a song on his guitar that took him ages to learn because his body still hasn’t fully recovered, is still stiff and achy in so many places. But he’s doing fine, knows it’ll take time but it won’t be like this forever. Healing takes time, he’s come to accept, wishes Steve would too.

Steve sits beside him, faraway look in his eyes. Like he’s not really there, like his mind is trapped somewhere else. And Eddie wants to shake him, wants to crack open his skull and push his fingers into his frontal lobe, rearrange his synapses or whatever is in control of his reasoning and behaviour. He wants to tear down the walls Steve has put up to protect those vulnerable parts of him he doesn’t allow himself to have.

Eddie has had enough.

He puts down his guitar, the sound of the instrument connecting with the hardwood floor snaps Steve out of his trance-like state, brings him back to the here and now where the real monsters are gone forever but the ones in your head remain.

“Steve, can- can I hold you?”

The question obviously catches Steve off-guard. He looks at Eddie with big eyes, honest confusion written on his face.

“What?”

“Can I hold you?”

It takes every ounce of courage to repeat his own words; his brain only now catching on to what he actually said.

He expects Steve to laugh or maybe even get angry at the sheer audacity to ask something like that. But Steve just looks at him, sadness in his eyes paired with something else, something soft.

And then without a warning, Eddie feels something slump against his chest, feels arms wrap around his middle, a face buried in the crook of his neck. Steve clings to him like a lifeline and Eddie instantly catches him in his arms, holds him tight against his own body. Envelopes Steve in as much of himself as possible, forming a shield, a barrier between Steve and the world.

Eddie tightens his embrace when he feels something wet on the side of his neck, hears the muffled sound of heart-breaking sobs, feels Steve break and crumble within his arms.

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispers, hopes Steve hears him, believes him that it is.

“You can let it all out. I’m here. Just let it go.”

Steve does. Cries, and cries, and cries, like he’s unable to stop. Buries himself deeper in Eddie’s hold as if he wants to crawl inside him. His fingers digging almost painfully through the shirt into Eddie’s back but that’s okay. Eddie lets him, doesn’t care if he’ll end up with bruises, doesn’t care about the collar of his shirt being drenched in Steve’s tears. It’s okay. It feels good. To have Steve’s body so close to his own, to give comfort and offer protection, offer the safety of his arms for Steve to let himself fall into.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie says, feels his own tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. It feels liberating, somehow.

Eddie doesn’t recall when it happened, at what point they went from sitting to lying next to each other. But it doesn’t matter, just feels right to hold Steve like that. Their bodies so close Eddie doesn’t know where one ends and the other begins; legs tangled, arms wrapped around each other, chest to chest, Steve’s face still pressed against Eddie’s neck.

And even when the crying has died down and his breathing slows, Steve refuses to let go.

“Sweetheart, can you look at me?”

The pet name comes easy, rolls over his tongue so naturally it should be worrying but Eddie can’t concentrate on that right now.

He feels Steve shake his head, once again tightening his grip on Eddie’s body.

“C’mon, Stevie. Please?”

Eddie gently tries to pull back, not letting go of Steve, just giving him some room to breathe and move.

“I’m sorry.” Steve’s voice is frail, trembling. His eyes are red and glassy, so pretty even when he looks so defeated.

“Don’t be.” Eddie brushes a thumb along the other boy’s cheek bone, gently wiping at the invisible remnants of already dried tears.

His heart beats a funny rhythm when Steve leans into the touch, feels like breaking and stitching itself back together all at once.

“Thank you,” Steve says, smiles wearily up at Eddie from where his head still rests on his shoulder.

The silence that follows doesn’t feel awkward, feels more soothing than anything. It’s the calm after the storm, like the moment where dark clouds finally make way for sunshine again after days of never-ending rain. And there’s a shift in the atmosphere; Eddie is sure Steve can feel it too. There’s something evolving between them, something that might change the course of their future together.

Something that has too much weight to be called by its name, to be said out loud. Not yet, not now. They just keep holding each other, feeling each other.

And that's okay because sometimes, love is bodies touching. Just two people finding refuge in one another’s embrace.

It is enough, for now.

Healing comes first, anything else can wait.

#steddielovemonth #love is...#day 2 #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie ficlet

54 notes · View notes

weird-brain666 · 3 months

Text

Ticcy Toby with a trans boyfriend general head canons

I got this request on tiktok. here's some HC about toby with a trans boyfriend <3 [my request are open and im waiting for some, it help me get Motivation so go for it] [I also have a ao3 account by the way, I write a actual fic on it. the fic is "to hell and back" it's a jeff x M reader fic]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

toby is pretty comfused at first, he grew up stuck in his house so the only vew he got telled was his father one

so you gotta unwrap all of that and tell him the truth

but once it done he's going to understand and support you

during bad disohoria day he is going to do all he can to help you

you want to get called a boy every 2 second? it's fine

you want to wear his hoodie? here you go

just want to be held in bed? he's gladly gonna do it

over all he's a pretty good lover

having anti-social personality disorder [sociopath] make loving really hard if even possible

he have this disorder because of his traumas as a child so with a lot of time and help with his traumas he can warm up a bit with his emotions

it's never gonna be "normal" again and it's not going to be strong emotions but it's a bit of the emotions his brain blocked

if you're the type to forget your binder on he's going to make sure you dont over wear it

if you dont have top surgery he is going to ask doctor smile to do it [slender dont let him hurt his proxys so you're fine, he is a doctor and have all the school that come with it]

during your recovery he's going to help all he can

need help to change the bandages? he's doing his best [tourett can get in the way for meticulous task]

cant get your arms up to clean your hair? how ever it is you getting your head in the bath or you two taking a shower together, he is going to help you.

for bottom surgery he's going to support you if you want it or not

he's not gonna push you to have a surgery you dont want, he see you as a boy no mather what.

if you often forgot your T shot, he's gonna get track of it and help you with it

he's really trying and doing all he can to be a good lover. he already lost his sister so having someone he's attached to is scary for him, he's going to do anything to not lose you.

#ticcy toby x male reader #ticcy toby x reader #ticcy toby x trans reader #x trans male reader #creepypasta x male reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta hcs #ticcy toby #creepypasta

80 notes · View notes

relatableblorbopoll · 5 months

Text

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

#tumblr tournament #tumblr polls #character bracket #character tournament #preliminaries #jesper fahey #six of crows #crowley #good omens #dave strider #homestuck #junior total drama #total drama #the ridonculous race #kim dokja #omniscient reader's viewpoint #donutella #tokidoki

91 notes · View notes

coolaboutlucy · 2 months

Text

𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙢𝙚 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙭 𝙖. 𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣

pairing: ellie williams x abby anderson

w/c: 1.2k

tags: kinda angsty, takes place during santa barbara era, not proofread, some descriptions of violence and injuries, ellie and abby need therapy real bad, uh description of trauma (?), i probably missed smth, but we know that i suck at tagging, what’s new

Before you continue, please read this! - I absolutely do not condone the purchasing of any other the last of us games. The Last of Us is heavily influenced by Isreali politics. Also, here are some ways to inform yourself about Palestine. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3. You can even help simply by clicking here.

A/N: tried to be in my descriptive era!!! also ignore that my user isn’t the same thing that’s on the lil banner thing, this has been sitting in my drafts since 1948. 😭 anyway yall i hope i ate down. also also, song title from the other side of the game by erykah badu (w song btw u should listen to it ONG!!)

Blows were exchanged in both directions. Ellie brought a knife to a fist fight, but that meant practically nothing to Abby. Water sloshed underneath their feet, swirling with the crimson of their blood. Each punch, hit, and stab was given with emotion. They grunt with effort as they try to take eachother down, yet to no prevail. Just when Abby thought it was over, she’s overpowered by Ellie. The girl had somehow managed to hold her down in the water, drowning her. Abby clawed at Ellie’s arms, attempting to wiggle from underneath her.

A multitude of emotions wash over Ellie. Hatred, sadness and anger. But the one that was the largest in this moment was regret. Regretting not making amends with Joel. Leaving Dina alone with JJ. Everything. Her face twists and she cries as all the emotions she had bottled up finally came out. Her grip loosens on Abby and she lets her free. Abby sits up as she catches her breath, coughing a little between gasps of air. After catching her breath, Abby looks at Ellie with disbelief. She was certain that this would be her last day on earth, dying amidst an apocalypse by the hands of the girl she loathed.

“Go.” Ellie murmurs through her tears. Her legs are crossed as she sits, the bottom half of her body completely submerged in the water. The stiletto switchblade was gripped tightly in one hand as the other dropped blood where two of her fingers had been missing. Ellie thought initially that killing Abby would’ve stopped all her pain. Relieved of that false sense of justice Tommy convinced her she would feel if she had just gone after her and finished her off. But it only made her wallow more in her own self hatred. She’d turn back time if she could.

She’d make things up with Joel, become on good terms with Dina, and kick Tommy out of their quaint farmhouse before she could even hear what he had to say. But she couldn’t. After seeing Abby for what she thought was the last time at the theater, her brain chemistry had altered. She was craving to kill her. She had wrote many entries in her worn journal about it. Her nimble fingers gripped her pen as she wrote. She wrote fast and feverishly, her handwriting becoming damn near illegible. She hid these things from Dina and tried to drown herself in the task of raising another human. But she couldn’t. It was on her mind like the plague. She hated it. It made her wanna smash her head against a wall one hundred times.

Of course she understood the consequences of killing Abby. She thought it would mean nothing. She was killing another person wouldn’t matter. But she knew that killing her specifically would matter. It cost her relationship with Dina. She knows she should’ve just stayed home but she couldn’t. She needed to be in control of her mind. She hated the self destructive thoughts and how her moods were so irrational. She wanted that burden to be lifted off her shoulders.

There was a sting of silence after Ellie’s words. Abby didn’t say anything, the waves sloshed and Levs breathing could barely be heard. Ellie slouchs. She didn’t hear Abby moving. She was confused. She’s just slinky escaped death, why didn’t she leave? Why didn’t she just go take care of Lev? What the fuck was wrong with her? Ellie couldn’t understand and it made her mad. “Why won’t you leave?” Ellie doesn’t actually look at Abby. She never looks her in the eyes. She can’t.

“I’m not going to leave you here with no way home.” Abby said as she looked down at her. “I’ll get home. Just take the boy and go.” Ellie instructed insistently, raising her voice slightly. Abby hated how stubborn she was being. Ellie had a hard time accepting help and accepting it from someone she’d just nearly killed seemed well, outlandish. Abby walks infront of Ellie, crouching down to her level. “Ellie. Look at me.” Abby starts gently. Ellie turns her head in the opposite direction. “Ellie. Please look at me.” Abby asks again. Ellie won’t turn. A gentle, calloused and large hand comes up to Ellie’s face. Naturally, Ellie flinches a little. She hadn’t let anyone do this since like, forever. She had forgotten what a gentle touch was. “Listen to me. I want you to come with me and Lev. I’ll pick you up and bring you over there if I have to. I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” Ellie doesn’t say anything. She looks into Abby’s green eyes.

Despite the fact that her eyes were full of pain, they were still pretty, Ellie thought. She didn’t know why she’d been thinking about something at a time like this. A hazy fog settled around the girls, making it seem like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Ellie keeps her eyes on Abby as if something would happen if she looked away. Ellie was horrible with eye contact but right now? She was a pro. It almost seemed like Ellie was searching for something in the girls eyes. “But why do you want me to come with you? I just tried to kill you.” Ellie asks with a slightly raised eyebrow. “I just tried to kill you too. If I wanted you dead, you’d already be dead. But you’re not, are you?” Abby asks, mimicking her raised eyebrow.

“Huh. Well, I guess I’m not.” Ellie mumbles. Even though she was telling her that she wouldn’t kill her, she still wasn’t 100% sure. Ellie was already in enough pain as is. Abby had lost enough in life. They were two girls who were suffering in different ways. Abby seemed to also be searching for something in Ellie’s eyes. Solace. She would’ve been ridiculous to think the girl she’d just fought a handful of minutes ago would come with her. She didn’t even know why she proposed that. I mean, Ellie hated her, didn’t she? No way she’d— “Fine.” Ellie spoke again. Abby was a little shocked. “You’ll.. come with me?” “Yes. Now hurry before I change my mind.”

Neither of them smiled at their agreement. They moreover were relieved. This is what Abby was hoping for; a fresh start in their.. ‘relationship’ or whatever you’d call this. Abby goes to try and start up the boat, the sound of a sputtering engine could be heard. Ellie goes for her backpack. It drips with sea water as did her clothes. By now, it was almost entirely dark, a small lantern illuminated the boat. The fire inside flickered. The boat finally starts up. Wordlessly, Ellie treads across the water over to the boat. She sits next to Abby awkwardly because of the girls large frame. In one of her hands, she still held the switchblade as if her life had depended upon it. She hadn’t looked in Abby’s direction as the boat drove across the water, but Abby looked at her once and redirected her attention to what lay ahead. They were both painfully silent, not knowing what to say to eachother. The silence was awkward yet comfortable. Ellie wasn’t really ready to talk, nor was Abby. In their own way, they both understood that.

#abbyism #tlou #the last of us #ellabs #ellie williams x abby anderson #abby tlou #abby anderson #ellie tlou #ellie williams #adria writes #i wrote this on google docs using times new roman #rlly wish there were actual fonts on tumblr. 💔

38 notes · View notes