#and then calling your unbearable pain a 4
zoeykallus · 16 hours ago
Crosshair - My Beloved Enemy 32 – Dying Hope
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Crosshair x Female!Reader (FF)
Warning: Angst/Tension
After what feels like an eternity, Rex and Hunter finally find a way to free their brothers. But something is wrong, you can feel it, the task seems too easy.
What Happened Before:
Part 1 - Crash Landing
Part 2 - Hot And Cold
Part 3 - Hello Kitten
Part 4 - Look Who’s Back
Part 5 - Rebel Darling
Part 6 - Burning Anger
Part 7 - Love And Pain
Part 8 - A Difficult Reunion
Part 9 - The Bitter Taste Of Blood And Failure
Part 10 - Where The Dead Ships Dwell
Part 11 - A Lonely Firefly In Space
Part 12 - Broken Wings
Part 13 - A Helping Hand
Part 14 - The Justifier
Part 15 - The Bounty
Part 16 - Trapped
Part 17 - I Love You Too
Part 18 - When The Past Catches Up With Us
Part 19 - I’ve Never Been Good At Goodbyes
Part 20 - Unexpected
Part 21 - The Question
Part 22 - Sleepless Nights
Part 23 - Sleepyheads And Making Up
Part 24 - Crosshair’s Conclusion
Part 25 - Good Soldiers Follow Orders
Part 26 - I’m Sorry Kitten
Part 27 - Bracca
Part 28 -Rampart
Part 29 - It’s All Tactics
Part 30 - CT 6116
Part 31 - Of Wolves And Sheep
Part 32 - Dying Hope
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The days passed and the uncertainty was unbearable. Rex had a plan, but to carry it out you had to wait for a specific moment, when Crosshair, Echo and Tech would be shuttled to Kessel. Rex's informant, Kix presumably, because they still remained anonymous in their contact, told about the transfer of the three to Kessel. It was this shuttle that Rex wanted to intercept.
"Why in a shuttle? Why isn't the destroyer or a cruiser flying?" you asked critically.
Rex said somberly, "Apparently the three aren't such particularly important prisoners after all. Maybe something else more urgent came up and Rampart had to set other priorities."
Hunter, standing behind you, reached for your shoulder.
"Probably our only opportunity to get them back."
Wrecker frowned and growled "What if that's what they want us to think? Honestly looks like a trap to me"
Everyone looked at the giant and you said, "I didn't want to say it, but that's the thought that's bothering me. I want the boys back, pretty much at any cost, but if I lose you guys in the process too then-"
"You won't," Rex assured "Whatever comes, we'll adapt."
Wolffe growled "We won't be taken by surprise that easily".
Just thinking about what lay or could lie ahead made your heart beat faster with anticipation.
"Tomorrow the transfer is to take place, so let's get ready" Hunter said seriously "I want my brothers back" with a wry smile he added "Even Crosshair"
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In a space nebula, just outside Kessel, you lay in wait, hidden, with the Marauder and a second, smaller shuttle, the Sneaker.
Each second that passed seemed to you like an eternity. You ran up and down in the Marauder, which was currently being piloted by Wolffe. Rex, Hunter and Wrecker, were in the Sneaker. The plan was to disable the Empire's transport shuttle with the Marauder and then board it with the Sneaker.
It sounded doable, plausible, but the implementation worried you, because you were the Gunner and had to hit the transport shuttle's thrusters just right so that she was disabled but not destroyed.
You sat down in the Gunner's cockpit and took a deep breath.
"All clear back there?" you heard Wolffe call from the cockpit.
"Yeah, we're good," you returned, as convincingly as you could.
"You'll be fine, little lamb," grumbled the former clone commander "You've done this sort of thing before, a number of times from what I hear, this is no different."
"I know, I told you, all right, I can handle it" you said, trying to convince not only him but yourself with the words.
Silence reigned for a while, then suddenly you heard him ask, "Are you scared?"
You thought for a moment before answering honestly, " For Crosshair, Tech and Echo most of all, yes"
"No, I meant in general"
"No, my concern for those three outweighs anything else, at least for now".
Again there was silence for a while and again it was Wolffe who broke the silence.
"You love this Crosshair very much don't you?"
The question took you by surprise.
"Yes, more than anything"
"Hmm", he growled "Must be nice to have something like that".
"It is indeed" you said with a small smile that he couldn't see in the cockpit of course "Even if you worry about the other all the time, but I guess that's part of it"
The next time Wolffe broke the silence, it was to tell you to be ready.
" Be ready to go any moment, when the shuttle comes out of hyperspace you need to be ready, shut down the thrusters as soon as possible, if they try to escape we'll follow them, I'll get you in position if the angle changes. Okay?"
"Okay," you said with your heart pounding.
"Deep breaths soldier, we can do this."
You blinked in surprise, Wolffe had fallen back into old patterns out of force of habit, but that was okay, as long as he did what was necessary he might as well call you Rex.
"Copy that, sir!" you returned adjusting.
From the moment Wolffe yelled from the cockpit, "Here we go," everything happened very quickly, the adrenaline shooting into your system so fast and sharpening your senses that the process almost happened by itself. Every muscle fiber was on alert, ready to act.
The shuttle had appeared out of nowhere, jumping straight out of hyperspace, not far from you.
"Don't fire until we're out of the nebula, the gas in the nebula is very flammable".
"Got it"
Your heart was racing, but you were fully focused, your hands on the trigger. Hastily you locked on to the thrusters, remembering how Tech had told you some time ago exactly where to aim, pretty much in the center.
As the Marauder left the nebular, you aimed and fired. Your heart seemed to stop at the same moment, your breath caught in your throat. A split second seemed to stretch into eternity, then finally, the shot hit. Direct hit!
The shuttle's engines died and the shuttle hovered in front of you, unable to maneuver. You jumped out of the gunner's seat and ran into the cockpit.
"See, told you you could do it, little sheep," he grumbled with a wry smile.
You grinned at him, still full of adrenaline but also relief and tension at the same time.
"You were right, it was just like the times before".
Wolffe nodded, "Mmm, that's what I'm saying."
Wolffe had turned the Marauder so you could better observe what was happening. Your eyes were glued to what was happening with the shuttle, while Wolffe's eyes kept darting to the radar.
You could see the Sneaker docking with the Imperial transport shuttle. It took a very few minutes that seemed like another eternity for the Sneaker to detach from the shuttle.
Suddenly, the comm beeped. As Wolffe opened the channel, Hunter literally bellowed from the speaker, "IT'S A DECOY, A TRAP, PREPARE FOR HYPERSPACE IMMEDIATELY!"
The next few things happened quickly and also decelerated at the same time. The radar sounded proximity alarms. Behind you, out of the nebula, emerged a cruiser that, viewed through the cockpit window, seemed much larger than it actually was.
A huge piece of metal, armed to the teeth.
A jolt went through the Marauder as it was caught in a tractor beam.
"Sneaker get out of there, you can't help us!" barked Wolffe through the comm.
"We'll come back and get you all out of there," Hunter promised before the Sneaker disappeared into hyperspace.
"I knew this was a trap," you whispered angrily, but the anger was directed at yourself for allowing a part of you to believe in an unlikely success and now be disappointed beyond measure.
Wolffe said, perfectly calmly, "It was worth a try."
You said dryly and humorlessly, "You think so? Tell me again when you have been interrogated and tortured".
Wolffe looked at you reprovingly: "Don't lose your nerve now, little sheep, not everything is lost yet".
You wanted to believe him, you really did. But the closer the Marauder came to the Cruiser as it was pulled towards it, the lower your courage sank.
Wolffe's hand landed heavily on your shoulder and he said, "Don't give up. Crosshair certainly wouldn't want you to give up."
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@ladykatakuri @inthemoshpitt
This probably feels like a filler and it kind of is, 'cause I need some time to prepare what's coming next...
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disabledprincesses · 2 months ago
Being disabled is googling what exact qualifications for each number on the pain scale mean/equate to so when you go to the doctor you'll know for sure which number to say
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yeongwonie · 2 months ago
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SYNOPSIS. alone on valentine’s day, you decide to sign up for the student council’s fundraiser: a matchmaking survey, hoping to at least get a few laughs out of the whole ordeal. little do you know, park sunghoon (your archenemy since junior high) has the same idea. but it’s fine! your student body president, kim sunoo, would never tamper with the matching system, right?
note. it’s finally here <///3 i hope u all enjoy (actually no i hope u Don't enjoy. i hope this chapter rips ur hearts out) nd that it lives up to your expectations!! after i dragged this out for so long LMFAO (also i’m sorry in adv) &huge thank u to sai @jungwonize 4 beta reading! ur the best :))
+ please rb if u want to!! it rlly helps w/tumblr’s algorithm :))
⤎ prev | 37 — what you wanted (written; 1.9k) | next ⤍
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YOU ALMOST WISH YOU’RE SURPRISED, seeing sunghoon leaning against one of the columns of your school’s back gate. instead, all you feel is a pang in your chest, like a lit match burning a hole through your lungs. 
he looks anxious, twisting the handles of a small, brown paper bag in his grasp and biting his lip. you know that he hasn’t seen you yet. 
when sunghoon finally does turn, he scans your various classmates scattered around the sidewalk, obviously searching for someone. you can pinpoint nearly the exact second he spots you from the way his almost hopeful expression drops. his lips part just the slightest, as though he wants to call out to you. his eyes remain locked onto yours intently.
and even though it’s been years since you’ve really known park sunghoon, you can tell the difference between surprise and dread.
“i saw your phone,” he says. your eyebrows draw closer together as you search his expression for some kind of answer to the thousands of questions swirling around your head. you feel dizzy, and a little exhausted. 
“i saw your phone,” he says. your eyebrows draw closer together as you search his expression for some kind of answer to the thousands of questions swirling around your head. you feel dizzy, and a little exhausted. 
“i saw your phone,” he says. your eyebrows draw closer together as you search his expression for some kind of answer to the thousands of questions swirling around your head. you feel dizzy, and a little exhausted. 
“what do you want me to do, sunghoon?” you ask, after a pause. “how am i supposed to react to this?”
sunghoon doesn’t respond; he doesn’t know how to. even you yourself can’t think of anything that he could say that would quiet the ringing in your ears.
all that you can think about is that, for the past few weeks, the person you’ve been excited to text every day, whose messages actually made you audibly giggle sometimes, and who you’d felt so close to in such a ridiculously short amount of time had been park sunghoon. 
“i think now would be a good time for you to tell me whatever it is you’ve been wanting to tell me,” you say, once the silence between the two of you grows unbearably uncomfortable. sunghoon sighs in acceptance, like he’s been waiting for this question for days. 
“okay,” he exhales. “okay.”
sunghoon finally breaks eye contact to look down at his feet. a hand raises to rub at his temples, and suddenly, he looks as nauseous as you feel. 
“god, this sounds so stupid, saying it now,” he says, almost laughing at the situation. “during our last year of junior high, i tore my acl.”
you nearly laugh too, because it’s really ridiculous. you don’t want to believe that all of the pain you’d felt had been because of a sports injury. of all the things you’d expected him to tell you, something like this had never crossed your mind, and yet it makes so much sense. sunghoon continues. 
“i had to quit skating for a year, and i was so scared that when i got back i wouldn’t be able to get back to the level i’d been at,” he says, then purses his lips shut. you don’t blink, searching his face for any more of an explanation. 
“why didn’t you tell me?” you ask, almost pleading him to give you something more. 
there’s another stretch of silence as sunghoon contemplates his next words. more students begin to arrive, filling the stagnant air with scattered conversations. when he speaks again, it’s so quiet that you almost have to strain to hear. 
“i didn’t want to let you down.”
you gape openly at him, unsure if you’d heard correctly. 
“let me down?” you repeat, incredulous. 
“you came to every single one of my performances, and you always told me you wanted to see me become a professional figure skater one day,” he continues. you feel tears pricking the backs of your eyes and a tight feeling forming in the back of your throat. “i was worried i couldn’t live up to that, and i was scared you’d be disappointed in me.”
“i didn’t just support you to see you go pro, you idiot.” you choke out, chuckling slightly in disbelief. “i would have supported you no matter what.”
sunghoon’s eyes widen, and you can nearly see the gears turning in his head. you almost hope he feels a bit stupid, to think that you would’ve cared about something so small as a sports injury, to the point where you would’ve let it ruin your friendship. 
“but you said you wanted me to pursue figure skating,” he says, just above a whisper. you smile sadly at him.
“i wanted you to be happy."
for the nth time, your conversation dwindles into a pause as the both of you process what’s being said. a short distance away, you can hear a few loud voices talking about their plans for valentine’s day. you can’t help but appreciate the irony, as the reminder of the special occasion is like another stab to the chest. you know sunghoon hears it too when he looks down at the bag in his hold, then runs a hand through his hair. 
“i remember,” he begins again. “while i was in the hospital, i kept picturing how you’d react. rehearsing how i would tell you over and over in my head. when i woke up from surgery, you were the first person i thought about.”
sunghoon stops to take a breath, then looks to gauge your reaction to what he’s telling you. when he sees your face, which you’re sure looks as though you’d just watched your childhood pet die, eyes glazed over with tears and lip nearly trembling, he looks up at the overcast sky. you can just barely see that his own eyes have a slight sheen to them as well. 
“i told myself that you’d be disappointed in me, so i just put off telling you. the more time that passed, the harder it got,” sunghoon tells you. “ it seemed easier to just avoid you in the halls than to have to see your face when i told you.”
for the millionth time this morning, you’re left completely speechless. 
“sunghoon, you were my best friend,” you finally say, and feel the tears finally begin to roll down your cheeks. seeing you cry, sunghoon looks pained, to say the least, and he presses his lips into a firm line. 
“you were mine, too.”
“so i just don’t understand why.” your sentence trails off until the two of you are, once more, wordlessly staring at each other. 
“i know.”
frustrated, you exhale sharply and wipe vigorously at the tears carving their path along the sides of your face. you tell yourself to be empathetic, to try to understand what sunghoon had been feeling going through such a career-killing injury alone. still, you can’t understand why he wouldn’t tell you, or how he’d been okay with letting such an important relationship just fade away. 
“I don’t know if i can see you right now,” you tell him, steeling your voice, though it nearly catches in your throat as you speak. the boy in front of you looks taken aback, but not surprised. “i think we should just get over this and forget about each other.”
“i thought things were getting better,” he replies, his statement sounding more like a question. your hands form into fists, and you feel your nails digging small, crescent shapes into your palms. 
“when we didn’t know who the other person was?” you retort, and sunghoon is effectively quieted once again. 
“what about friday?” sunghoon asks, and you remember what had happened in the courtyard, how you’d rested your head on his shoulder and actually felt comfortable, despite years of bickering and trying to push down the little prick of sadness that you felt every time you saw him. 
“you know, it was so easy to talk to you when you were this faceless person,” you change the subject, hands unclenching just the slightest. again, sunghoon looks hopeful, reminiscing on how nice it had been to text every night and feel that same childlike giddiness at your every conversation. you remember how you’d gone to him so often for advice, and how comforting it had been to talk to someone who seemed to understand everything you were feeling so naturally. “i didn’t realize it, but i started relying on you for everything again.”
“so keep relying on me,” he looks determined, posture straightening just the slightest. “i promise i’ll be there for you, this time.”
“but how can i believe that?” your voice breaks, and you do your best to keep yourself from crying any more. “two times now this has ended with us not even being able to talk to each other? how can i just keep trying, expecting a different ending?”
you bite your bottom lip between your teeth as sunghoon watches you, ashamed. he begins to speak, but you continue. 
“half of the time i was venting to you about you,” you seethe, referring to the conversations you’d had over the past three or so weeks. “do you understand how confused i am right now?”
“i’ll be better. i’ll—”
“don’t you see this isn’t working, sunghoon?”
a bell sounds loudly, echoing from inside the school and reaching the two of you even beyond the gate. suddenly, you register that the crowds of students surrounding you and sunghoon have dissipated, all of your classmates having entered their respective classrooms. then, you look at sunghoon again, and any concern you’d had about being tardy to your first period is replaced by sadness. 
“maybe we just don’t work together,” you finish.
your words hang in the air for a few moments, like the sword of damocles strung above sunghoon’s head, waiting to cut to the bone. you’re both crying, now, though you can’t bring yourself to offer him any words of consolation. 
and so, you slowly turn on your heel and begin walking to where sunoo’s waiting in the parking lot. you leave sunghoon behind you, still standing next to the gate and staring helplessly at your back as your figure grows smaller into the distance. when he thinks you’re out of earshot, he lets the sobs overtake his body as he sinks to the floor, shoulders shaking and face buried into his palms. 
it takes every bit of self control you have not to turn around. 
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elle-writes-stuff · a month ago
The Boy Next Door
Pairing: Klitz x Reader
Chapter: 1/4
Because despite your vehement denial, the fear of your friends finding out, and the impossibility of it all due to your wildly imbalanced social statuses, the truth was undeniable. 
You had a fat crush on Tim Klitz. 
You remember the exact moment that AP Chemistry became unbearable. 
It had been a monotonous day, just like any other, you had been dragging yourself from class to class for the better part of six hours, running on three hours of sleep and four cups of coffee. 
Chem was your last class of the day, and despite not having walked in yet, you were already bored out of your mind. You couldn’t take another hour of pretending to take notes, and then praying to whoever would listen not to be called on for an answer. 
You shuffled into chem, clinging to your half-empty thermos of coffee for dear life, only to find a fate worse than notes waiting for you. 
New assigned seats. 
It wasn’t like you were unpopular; in fact quite the opposite. You had a fair amount of friends on the cheerleading squad, and you were the type to get invited to those stupid parties thrown by frat bros in training and their ditzy friends. 
But you were also one of the smarter (if not the outright smartest) people in your social circle, so you spent most of your classes alone. Not that you minded; the peace and quiet provided by the nerds was an easy study environment. 
Still, new seats usually meant that instead of simple studying, you would be expected to make painful chitchat with your new table-mates, which was the last thing you needed right now. 
Still, you took the seat indicated by the chart, and anxiously awaited the arrival of the people you would be spending your second semester with. 
You bounced your leg and bit your lip as the minutes ticked by, each feeling like several hours.
Finally, as the bell was seconds from ringing, a tall, lanky boy with a mop of brown hair rushed in, the blush on his face making it both obvious that he ran here, and that he wasn’t used to being almost late. 
Your chem teacher looked at him over her small frames, and it occurred to you that they had near identical glasses. 
It also, if unwillingly, occurred to you that he was extremely cute. He was probably almost a whole foot taller than you, with a scrawny build, and so pale he looked like he’d never been outside. His hair was far outgrown, and styled in an atrocious half-mullet that made you weep for barbers everywhere. He had soft brown eyes, slightly downturned, framed by little glasses that you’d only ever seen worn by old ladies at the library and dorks in 80s movies. 
You were so mesmerized by his sheepish face and shiny hair, that you didn’t even notice him walking towards your table until he’d plopped himself down next to you, shrinking into the desk and staring pointedly at the floor. 
You both let the uncomfortable silence wash over you for a few minutes, both of you equally unwilling to speak first. It probably would have remained that way all class if you hadn’t caught your chem teacher giving you a pointed glare, as if to say “Make conversation or i’ll find you something to talk about.” 
You shudder at the thought of chemistry-related small talk, before extending your hand to the boy in front of you, his gaze slowly raising from the floor. 
You give him your name, and reach your hand out further before giving him a small nod towards your still-staring teacher. 
His eyes widened as he realized that this is teacher-mandated pleasantry, and he shakes your hand and gives you a little half smile that makes you weak in the knees. 
His hand is slightly clammy and shaky when you touch it, and your surprised by how endearing you find it. It’s not like you particularly have a thing for nerds, but this mystery boy has your heart flipping in ways you barely even knew it could. 
“Aren’t you going to tell me your name?” You breathe, and you swear you could nearly see his heart skip a beat. 
He just stares at you for a couple seconds,  mouth hanging open and eyes wide with a glazed-over look, before responding. 
“Oh! Um, I’m Klitz. Well, Tim really, but everyone calls me Klitz, because y’know, last name.” He manages to sputter out as you stifle a laugh. 
“Your last name is Klitz?” You ask incredulously, sure he was messing with you. 
“With a K.” He looks a little more relaxed as he gives you a half shrug and another small smile. 
“Well Klitz with a K, let’s hope that you’re good at chem, because I’m sure as hell not.” 
He lets out a soft chuckle, and your tempted to check your pulse due to the multiple cartwheels your heart has done in the past few minutes. 
As you two start to study, you already feel like you’re slipping into a routine that will soon become your reason for waking up on school days. It was almost scary how quickly you were falling for this boy.
That day, the first time you ever met him, was when you knew your life truly couldn’t get any worse. 
Because despite your vehement denial, the fear of your friends finding out, and the impossibility of it all due to your wildly imbalanced social statuses, the truth was undeniable. 
You had a fat crush on Tim Klitz. 
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multifcndoms · 2 months ago
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Undercurrent /ˈəndərˌkərənt/; an underlying feeling or influence, especially one that is contrary to the prevailing atmosphere and is not expressed openly. {Part 2}
Summary: The pain of being in love was almost unbearable, but being in love with Felix was something else entirely. Especially when you have Hwang Hyunjin hell-bent on ruining your life.
Genre: uh, angst? let's go with angst. but there's also fluff, and cuteness, but also there's just a whole lotta mutual pining between oblivious idiots, and there's also some darker themes but they're not terribly explicit, merely mentioned. it's basically a mess of everything
Characters: best friend!Felix, bully!Hyunjin, female reader, Lee Chaeryoung (ITZY)
Tags: Hufflepuff!Felix, Slytherin!Hyunjin, Gryffindor!Reader, Hogwarts! AU because i felt like it :) Hyunjin is an asshole (big Malfoy vibes) and Felix is an angel
WC: 5.8k
A/n: Yeji and Hyunjin are not related in this fic; also, I totally hate this chapter so I apologise in advance besties
{Part 1} {Part 3} {Part 4-Finale}
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You needed a dress. The Ball was six days away, and you still needed a dress.
“We have got to visit Madam Malkin’s,” came the despaired voice of your dorm-mate, Chaeryoung. 
“We’d need special permission from the Headmaster for that,” came your reply.
She ran a frustrated hand through her long hair, “I’m sure he’d be willing to pull some strings for the ‘brightest witch of her age’,” she said, to which you rolled your eyes. “Please, Chae, not that again.”
She placed a well-manicured hand on her chest, feigning a look of innocence on her face, “whatever do you mean, oh great one?”
You sighed. “If you know what’s good for you, you would stop calling me that. Fortunately for you, I think that would be a good idea, so I'll ask him.”
“Consider it done,” she grinned while clapping her hands together inaudibly. “You’re the best!”
You rolled your eyes, “yeah, yeah.” She gave you a thumbs up with both hands, smiling sweetly.
Spinning around to face the mirror in your shared room, she twirled a piece of hair around her finger. A dreamy expression fluttered onto her face as she admired her reflection. 
You watched her from where you sat against the headboard of your bed, your Ancient Runes textbook propped up on top of your knees. “What are you thinking about?” you asked.
She hummed to herself, “the Ball, of course.”
Your brows drew together, considering your situation you had forgotten that this was, in fact, supposed to be a night full of fun and dancing and sparkling beverages. A night where you got to feel pretty in some stupidly expensive dress and blister-causing heels. A night you could enjoy with friends and acquaintances, a celebration of the end of the year and the completion of exams. It should have been a night full of all that and so much more.
Yet you couldn’t focus on any of it, naturally. 
For you, it became a night you were beginning to dread terribly. 
Some part of you wished you could take a tumble down the Grand Staircase, breaking a few limbs at the least or contracting a coma-inducing concussion at best, rendering yourself unable to attend. Of course, these thoughts were nothing but intrusive, yet you were desperate. The unshakable need to find a loophole, a way out, that wouldn’t endanger Felix was overwhelming, and you felt powerless the more and more you drew a blank. So much for being the “brightest witch of her age,” Chae. 
Because again, Hwang Hyunjin was unpredictable, and any single misstep on your behalf could lead to catastrophe.  
“Who’s your date?” you asked, pulling yourself from your reverie. 
Her face lit up more, if that were even possible. “erm…Seonghwa…!”
Your jaw dropped, “Seonghwa? As in, Park Seonghwa? The Park Seonghwa?” 
Chaeryoung blushed a bright crimson, hiding her face behind her scarf. “The one and the same,” she mumbled, though you could tell she was simply trying to contain her excitement. 
After all, Park Seonghwa was only the guy she’d had a crush on since first year. Totally no big deal, right? 
You scrambled to the edge of your bed as you stared at her in awe, holding onto one of the four bed posts to keep yourself from falling. “What? How? When? Where? Tell me everything!” Book long forgotten, you were completely intrigued by this surprising turn of events. Of course, you didn’t doubt that your friend could have landed herself one of the biggest heartthrobs in the school. Yet, you simply can’t overlook the fact that she would completely forget how to talk whenever he was in the same room as her, or how her palms would sweat immensely as she gripped your hand for dear life when he walked by. 
Plus, you were just a teeny bit selfish right now, and truly appreciated the distraction from your less-than-charming Prince Charming. So, you wanted to know all the little details. 
“Well,” she began, making her way to sit next to you, “he asked me after Herbology. About, what, two weeks ago?”
You nodded, giving her your undivided attention. 
She drew a breath. “Yeah, um, it seemed he was waiting for me, because of course, he doesn’t take Herbology ‘cause you know, he’s a seventh year and doesn’t need to take it so why would he just randomly be outside of the greenhouses if he wasn’t actively looking for me plus Hongjoong and Yunho weren’t with him so I immediately knew it was something important because they’re never not together as you know and-” 
“Chae!” you snapped your fingers in front of her face, squashing down a laugh. “Breathe, you idiot! Merlin’s Beard, you’re going red!” She slapped her hand against her forehead as she groaned, another blush overtaking the flushed visage of her face. “Ugh. Right, sorry.” 
You giggled, warmth spreading throughout your body at how wholesome her behaviour was. Nodding softly towards her, you signalled her to continue. 
“So we, erm, got to talking. Honestly, I was just completely surprised by the fact that I was able to even get a word out. Like, it’s Seonghwa. Seonghwa!” You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your face seeing how exhilarated she was, watching how she gesticulated wildly and spoke with a delighted lilt to her tone. 
“I felt like I was going to faint, but he was oh, so sweet. He asked me how my classes were going and if I had any plans for Hogsmeade weekend…and then, well, he asked me to accompany him.” Your eyes widened, “Yeah! I know, right!” she whisper-yelled. “So we went to Honeydukes and then Madam Puddifoot’s for dinner and butterbeer and that’s when he asked me if I would like to go to the Ball with him. And obviously, I said yes.” 
“So does that mean…you’re officially dating?” your eyes were as wide as saucers. 
She rubbed the back of her neck, yet another blush creeping up her face. “Yeah, yeah…I guess we are.”
You blinked at her, heart twinging at the cuteness of the story. “Wow, that’s amazing! I wish you told me sooner! I am so happy for you, Chaeryoung!” you gave her a side hug. “And I’m so proud of you for keeping your cool, really, I am. I know it must have been hard for you. But hey, you did it.” You put your hand over hers as you gave it a comforting squeeze, bright smile still plastered to your face. 
She squeezed your hand in return, giving you a thoughtful look as she said, “yeah, for sure, it was. But I just told myself to stay calm and to not panic and what do you know? It went great!”
“As I’ve told you countless times it would,” you replied derisively. You had half the mind to tell her off the way a parent would, but figured she could do without the scolding. You’d remind her how ridiculous she had been all these years around the Ravenclaw another time, seeing as she was so incredibly happy right now and you didn’t want to ruin her moment. 
But god, did you want to say “I told you so!”
A moment of silence passed, neither of you saying a word. Chaeryoung started humming some song from the Weird Sisters you vaguely recognized, while you played with a loose thread on your duvet. 
“So…” she began, voice curious. “Who are you taking to the Ball?”
Oh, fuck.
Your face paled as your attention was drawn back to your date from Hell. “Um…it’s a…surprise.” you murmured quietly.
She shot you a confused look, “...what?”
You gave her a tight-lipped smile, looking everywhere but into her eyes. “Yeah, you know, a surprise.”
She stared at your side profile as you continued avoiding her gaze. “You’re not going with Felix?” she asked.
Your heart broke at the mention of your best friend. Merlin, how you wished you could say you were. “N-no. He’s going with Yeji.” 
Chaeryoung gasped. “What? No way. I was certain he would ask you…” You turned to look at her now, she sounded…disappointed? What was that all about? Why did she sound so…let down, as if she had expected for the two of you to be going together? 
“Why do you say that?”
She gave you a sideways glance, “well, you know…with the way you two are practically joined at the hip, it just made sense if you did. Honestly speaking, we all thought he would ask you.” 
All? “Who is ‘we all’?” 
“Chan and Minho bet five galleons on it. Practically all of Gryffindor was rooting for you two,” she said. 
You groaned, head falling back, and you found yourself staring at the canopy that hung atop your bed. That familiar feeling tickled the back of your throat again as you repelled yet another sob. God, how you hated Hwang Hyunjin. And Hwang Yeji. These goddamn Hwangs you thought to yourself, fuming. 
But really, when you thought about it, you just hated Yeji for asking Felix before you plucked up the courage to. You couldn't hate the girl herself. 
You sighed, clasping your arms around a pillow and drawing it to your chest as you sat back up. “I thought we’d go together, too,” you confessed meekly. 
She gave you a sad look, her lips forming into a slight pout as she placed a hand on your shoulder. Though you had never explicitly mentioned it to her, she knew how you felt for the freckled boy. Her heart ached for you; she wished for nothing but the fulfilment of your dreams, the way her dreams came true when Seonghwa had asked her. She supposed it was just the wrong timing, as it always seemed to be between the pair of you. It was unfair, really. She didn’t think she had ever seen two people more destined for one another. 
But, as she continued rubbing your shoulder in a consoling manner, her thoughts strayed to the way you closed up when she asked you who your date was. You appeared distraught, almost. Embarrassed, even. Whoever this guy was, you obviously didn’t care for him. Either that, or something worse. 
She hoped to Godric it wasn’t the latter. 
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Turns out, Dumbeldore had a soft spot for you, and granted you and Chaeryoung permission to visit Diagon Alley with zero reluctance. 
The two of you travelled via floo the Thursday afternoon before the Ball on Saturday, during your free period before your final exam of the semester-Ancient Runes. You would be lying if you said you weren’t a little excited. After all, you were the only ones who were able to leave Hogwarts’ grounds to shop for your gowns. Most girls were restricted to shops in Hogsmeade, or had them owled to them by their parents. Nonetheless, you were giddy with excitement at the prospect of wearing a one of a kind gown specially tailored to you, just the way you wanted it. 
If anything, this was the one thing you could look forward to. Besides, you wanted to look pretty for yourself, not Hwang fucking Hyunjin. And who knows, maybe you would be able to snag a dance with Felix, too.
Oh, Felix. 
You hadn’t seen much of him since that horrid day, having plunged headfirst into exam week. It wasn’t done on purpose, either-your exam schedules simply did not allow for any socialising. You missed him terribly. Missed his healing presence and his sunshine smile. You had been miserable all week. 
He stared at you with his mouth slightly open, eyes blown wide. You wouldn’t meet his eyes-you couldn’t, not after everything that just happened. 
Tears continuously fell from your eyes, though you couldn’t feel them slide down your numbed face. You were shivering, the dusting of snow that fell on you as you walked back into the castle melted into your clothing and hair, leaving little dampened splotches in their wake. 
“Y/n?” came his soft voice. It was warm and comforting and you wished you could cocoon yourself in it. Wished you could disappear within its gentleness and forget about the cruel world that surrounded you.
“Hey…come here,” he pulled you to him, wrapping his arms around you as one of his hands came to cradle the back of your head. You found solace against the firm warmth of his chest, head nestling right where you could hear the beating of his heart. 
The soft lub-dub of his heartbeat calmed your nerves, your limbs unfroze and your tears slowly dried, leaving barely-there tracks down your cheeks. 
“This is why I wanted you to stay away from him,” he mumbled into your hair. His other hand ran deftly up and down your back. 
“D-did you know?” you hiccuped. 
You felt him shake his head, “no, I didn’t know that he had this in mind. All I heard was your name and ‘Yule Ball,’ so I just assumed that he would pick on your dress robes or make you trip down the stairs. Call you Mudblood. Normal Hwang things…” 
You gripped the back of his robes in your fists, feeling yourself begin to lose your composure again. 
“You don’t need to go with him, Y/n. He can piss off for all I care…come with me to the Ball. I’ll tell Yeji something came up.”
You detached yourself from him, shaking your head furiously, “no! You can’t do that to her, Lix.”
“She’ll understand,” he reasoned. 
You shook your head again, “It’s not right…”
He sighed, knowing you were right. “But it was you all along…”
You tilted your head to the side in confusion, unsure of what he meant. 
He swallowed. “Meaning…it was meant to be you. You were the one I wanted to take. With me. To the Ball. As my date. It was always you that I wanted to go with…, ” he stammered, voice trailing off, and you felt your heart swell and break simultaneously. 
“Oh, Felix…this is all wrong isn’t it?” 
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Just that…I wanted to go with you, too. But I was too afraid you’d reject me for someone else. Someone just like Yeji…” 
“You’re my best friend, Y/n, how could I ever say no to you?” he rebuffed. 
“I don’t- I don’t know. We’re both idiots, I think.”
He laughed, “no doubt about that.” 
Shaking your head again, you exhaled a frustrated breath. “This doesn’t change anything, though. You know that right? We missed our opportunities, so you still have to go with Yeji, and I still have to go with Hwang.”
“You don’t, Y/n. Just don’t go with him.”
You chewed your lip, “I…I can’t do that, Felix.”
He grew agitated, “why not?” 
“I just can’t.”
“Why the hell not, Y/n? What’s the worst he could do?” he persisted.
“Just drop it, Felix!” 
He recoiled as if you had slapped him, though he didn’t loosen his hold on you. His big eyes filled with hurt and confusion, mouth falling shut. You sighed, feeling like a total arse. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. You just have to trust me, okay? Please, just…please…” you couldn’t finish your sentence, overcome with helplessness. 
He remained silent, pondering.  “Whatever he is using to blackmail you into doing this cannot possibly be worth it,” his tone was absolute. 
Your eyes scrunched closed, brows knitting together. “You have no idea…” you whimpered. 
He sighed for the umpteenth time, “Y/n…” he began slowly, “what is he holding over you?”
You, Felix. He’s holding you over me.
You met his eyes, wanting nothing more than to just tell him. But at that moment you realised you never could. 
It was for the best, you decided. 
You were protecting him, you justified. 
It was because you loved him, you concluded. 
So you would bear this burden alone, and would do everything in your power to ensure that Hwang Hyunjin dares not touch a single hair atop his white-blond head. 
“Just trust me, Felix. It will all be fine. It’s just one night.” 
And though he felt like he was dying inside, Felix didn’t push you further. 
You didn’t get to see much of each other since then; small waves here and there in the corridors, stolen glances during the exam blocks you shared. 
Thankfully, your exams went well, and you were positive you had passed all of the ones you took so far with flying colours. N.E.W.T. level classes were by no means easy, but you and Felix always made it a priority to set up multiple study sessions whenever you hit a wall and couldn’t understand anything. You worked well with one another, a perfectly efficient machine that worked in tandem with all of its parts. When the two of you spent countless sleepless nights in the library, he always brought along snacks and drinks, and ensured that you took frequent breaks in between. You wouldn't know what to do without him, and the thought made you miss him even more. 
You just had to get through Ancient Runes later today, and then you would have a free day tomorrow to spend with Felix. 
And then…well, you know. 
You shivered, drawing your jacket closer to your body. As you approached the entrance to the store, you could have sworn you heard Chaeryoung reciting her measurements for Madam Malkin, though you were more than certain she wouldn’t even need to be told. 
You couldn't blame her, though. She was practically bouncing off the walls at the prospect of the upcoming evening. With her handsome, kind, totally not sadistic date. 
Must be nice.
You held open the door for her, “after you, ma’am,” you spoke in a dramatic tone, waving your hand and bowing slightly. She laughed at your antics, walking past you and into the shop. Following behind her, you had to stifle a gasp. You had forgotten how posh the atmosphere of Madam Malkin’s Robes for all Occasions was, only ever coming here to pick up your school robes and little else. The grand chandelier situated in the centre of the ceiling twinkled prettily, made up of rows and rows of what you judged to be authentic crystal. The marble floor was polished to a gleam, shining and spotless. An imperial staircase was located at the back of the shop, leading to the second floor-where you assumed the dressing rooms and seating area were located. Few other customers walked around, admiring the collections of jewellery in glass display cases and shoes that lined the wall. Some chatted with seamstresses, while others seemed to be waiting to pick up their orders. 
You nudged Chaeryoung in the direction of the receptionist’s desk. “Let’s start there first.”
She nodded, and together you walked to the circular desk that was placed beneath the chandelier. 
“Hello!” came the cheery voice of the receptionist, “welcome to Madam Malkin’s Robes for all Occasions! How may I assist you today?” She had shoulder-length silver hair that was styled in a manner that dictated it was supposed to appear unstyled. You offhandedly wondered how she achieved that, because it looked fantastic. 
“We’re looking to buy gowns for Hogwarts’ Yule Ball this coming Saturday,” answered Chaeryoung. 
The receptionist, whose name you noted was Hye-ri, became delighted at the mention of the event, “oh! I remember the Yule Ball. How fun it must be for you girls!” She stood from her chair, excitedly pulling out a few pieces of heavy parchment from a folder labelled: “new clients.”
Before she handed them over to you and Chaeryoung, she tapped her wand at the top of your heads, and a quick quotes quill scribbled down some numbers onto a notepad. You assumed these were your measurements. How efficient, you wondered, enamoured by the simple effectiveness of magic all over again. 
“These are what Madam Malkin refers to as ‘preliminary fittings;’” she said, “basically, you write down a few of your preferences for things such as fabric, colour, style…you know how it is. There are some questions listed as well, try to answer them as truthfully as possible, because that’s how she makes the quote, unquote, magic happen!” her voice was lathered in honey, much too sweet and peppy for the time of day. The high pitch of it kind of bothered you, though you were sure you only felt that way because you spent the better part of the morning taking your Arithmancy exam, one that you were the most apprehensive about. So that goes without saying that you weren’t in the best mood to begin with. You know you did well, but the stress leading up to it gave you a horrible migraine. 
And Hye-ri’s voice was definitely not helping. 
But, she was nice, so it was worth it. Moreover, you were looking forward to seeing what Madam Malkin was capable of doing. Therefore, it was all good and well, and you were sure your migraine would go away with a simple tonic made by Madam Pomfrey when you got back to the castle. 
She led you both up the right set of stairs, handing you a set of quills. When you reached the top, she indicated towards a quaint seating area where you could fill out the paperwork. It was only a page and a half, with most of it consisting of large blank spaces where you could write, but still it seemed quite strange. Maybe this was why Madam Malkin was such a highly renowned figure in London for her clothing, because she took the time to get to know her clients. Logistically it made sense so, you don't question it further. 
You looked down at the floral-scented parchment in your hands, taking a deep breath. You gave Chaeryoung a glance, exchanging a look with her that said: here goes nothing. 
You scanned the list of questions, noting some that asked things like “for what purposes do you intend to use your custom Malkin piece?” or “how would you describe yourself to someone who asks to know the kind of person you are?” Another read, “in what way would you receive maximum satisfaction with your design?” They were fairly straightforward questions that didn’t require too much thought, but like Hye-ri had advised, you tried to be as truthful as possible. You listed your preferences, favourite colours, design choices, and likes and dislikes in great detail. Hopefully, Madam Malkin would appreciate your efforts. Though, you didn’t want to come off as too picky. 
After the two of you finished, you were ushered into another room by Hye-ri, where you were met with Madam Malkin herself. You would describe her as a petite woman, short of stature but stout and plump. She radiated an energy that was undoubtedly maternal, with a kind face fit with glasses and soft grey hair pulled into an elegant updo. She was dressed in a mauve outfit, a measuring tape slung around her neck. Her workplace seemed neat and tidy, yet there were a few misplaced items that indicated she was or had just finished working on a project. You noticed a small projection on her desk that displayed your and Chaeryoung’s responses-it seemed the quills you were provided with were spelled so that she had real-time updates on your answers as you wrote. How neat!
“Ah, ladies!” she welcomed, her tone smooth and warm. “Perfect timing.”
The two of you gave her a smile in response, walking to meet her where she stood next to two mannequins dressed very differently. Wow, she works fast, you thought in awe. You were immediately drawn to the one on the left, sporting a beautiful champagne-coloured gown made of a fine chiffon with lace applique on its bodice and halfway down the length of the skirts. The sleeves, which began at the base of the sweetheart neckline, were off-shoulder bishop-style, made of the same sheer material as the rest of the gown, tapering off into a cuff at the wrists. The skirts flared out at the waist, layers upon layers of the soft chiffon creating an elegant train-long but not unmanageable as it pooled around the mannequin’s feet. It was breathtaking. 
It was definitely something right out of your dreams, simple yet timeless and elegant, so you knew instantly that it was yours.
Madam Malkin gave you a knowing look, satisfaction glittering in her eyes as you all but drooled over the gown before you. 
“Am I right in assuming you like it?” she asked.
You had to force yourself to look away from it in order to address her properly, “it’s…beyond anything I could have imagined,” you responded wistfully. “Thank you so much, Madam Malkin, I absolutely love it. Especially considering how last minute this was...” you spoke sheepishly. 
She nodded slightly, a gratified smile playing at her lips at the genuine amazement in your voice. “Ah, it’s nothing my dear. I get hundreds of orders a day and make it a priority to finish them all. As I like to say, keep your mind sharp and your needle sharper! And what better way to do that than by participating in my craft full heartedly? I wholly enjoy it, so you needn’t worry, dear. Besides, seeing your reaction is all I need to know I’m doing the right thing…I’m glad I could do good by what you provided me.” She gave you an affectionate look. 
You grinned back at her, turning to look at Chaeryoung then, who had a similar look on her face. Her eyes met yours, and you both lost it. Clasping one another’s hands, you jumped up and squealed in excitement, near inhuman sounds of joy leaving your lips as the two of you expelled your excitement in the most typical teenaged fashion imaginable. 
Yeah, you thought to yourself, screw Hwang Hyunjin. 
This was gonna be your night. 
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After paying for your dresses and departing the store with a happy wave from Madam Malkin and Hye-ri, the two of you travelled back to Hogwarts. She had assured you that the gowns would be waiting for you at the castle, so you didn’t have to worry about carrying them with you, running the risk of damaging them during transit. You exited the floo into the Headmaster’s office, shaking off any excess powder before stepping any further. 
“Welcome back, ladies, I trust your journey went well” spoke the gentle voice of Dumbledore. He was sitting at his desk twirling the spoon that rested in his cup of tea, a large, antiquated volume laid before him on his desk. 
You bowed slightly before him, “yes, Headmaster. Thank you once again for allowing us to leave.”
He waved off your comment with a wave of his hand, eyes crinkling when he smiled at you. 
“Ah, no problem at all, Ms. Y/l/n. Did you find what you were looking for?” he asked.
You nodded, “yes, sir. We did.”
He bobbed his head, peering at you through his half-moon glasses, “good, good. I’m glad.”
A somewhat awkward moment of silence passed, the three of you waiting for the other to talk.
“Well if that would be all I can assist you with,” began Dumbledore, “don’t you ladies have exams that you should be getting to?”
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After three excruciating hours of Ancient Runes, you were finally done. The semester was officially over and now you could relax. Thank Godric for that. 
While leaving the classroom, you made the decision to stop by the kitchens for a nice cold bottle of fizzy orange juice, which you had been craving all morning. You were parched, really. Didn’t even get to eat breakfast, because you were doing some last minute revision, or lunch, because you were at Madam Malkin’s. Your migraine had gone away thanks to a pit stop at the infirmary, but you were exhausted. Just completely mentally and physically drained. 
Absent-mindedly, you wondered if Felix was done with his Potions exam. You didn’t have to wonder long, though, because the man in question was before you. He appeared to have been waiting for you to depart the exam hall, as he stood propped up against the stone wall with his foot as he watched the doors. 
“Y/n!” he exclaimed. 
Any lethargy you felt immediately melted upon hearing his voice. You smiled widely, all but running to him. 
“Lix! Hi!” you said, slightly breathless. 
He ruffled your hair gently, laughing. Pushing off of the wall, he straightened his posture, dusting off his robes after doing so. When his eyes met yours, he stared at you as if he hadn’t seen you in years; as if he was taking the time to memorise your face and its individual features all over again. 
Had he always looked at you like that, and you were just too stupid to notice? 
Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way he looks at you as if you hung the moon and all the stars.
Ignoring the voice that echoed in the back of your head, you lightly chuckled with an exhale from your nose. “What is it? Do I have ink on my face?” you asked, hastily brushing the back of your hand against your cheeks. He grabbed your wrist tenderly, pulling it away and holding your hand in his. 
“No,” he whispered, voice lowered an octave, “just admiring how beautiful you are.” 
Hwang’s words once again rang in your ears as your face flushed a deep red. Flustered, you sputtered some words, your brain failing to form a cohesive sentence. 
“Oh please,” you finally said, “I look like a flobberworm.” Your brows drew together, knowing that with your hair haphazardly clipped to the back with a claw clip, rumpled uniform, and bare face you looked far from appealing. 
He smiled a toothy grin, showing off his perfect teeth. His other hand came up to brush a strand of hair away from your face, and you felt at that if you were to drop dead right this instant you would die happy. 
“Felix? What are you doing?” you whispered under your breath. 
He gave you an intense look, but it didn’t make you scared or uncomfortable. There was just a lot behind those big, sparkly eyes of his. Most of it you couldn’t decipher for the life of you, considering how you'd never seen that specific look in them before. A look full of…love? 
“Something I should have done a long time ago,” he whispered back. The depth of his voice made you lightheaded, the effect it had on you normally maximised tenfold in this moment. 
You didn’t know where this was going, but you knew for certain you were not going to fight it. 
“Well, well, well…” came a sinister voice. “Would you look at that?” 
You pulled away from Felix at lightning speed, startled. 
He watched you stumble back, reaching to grab your elbow to repel your fall, but you pulled away. As you fell unceremoniously to the floor, you heard Hyunjin cackle. 
“Y/n!” Felix cried. He helped you get back to your feet, noticing the chaffed redness of your hands. “Here, let me help,” he held your hands upright in his palm, sucking in breath between his teeth at seeing the droplets of blood gathered at the surface. “Episkey,” he murmured, tapping his wand against the skin of your palms. It healed itself instantly, leaving no indication that there was any injury to begin with. 
You gave him a grateful look, “Thanks, Felix.”
He nodded, “no problem.”
“How cute,” Hyunjin remarked snidely. “Though it would have been completely unavoidable if she didn’t have the grace of a dung beetle.” 
Felix rolled his eyes, “shove it, Hwang.” he said, voice strained. 
“What are you doing here?” you asked. 
He gave you a deprecatory look, as if you were the one inconveniencing him. “Me? Well, I was merely making my way back from Professor Vector’s classroom when I came upon this gross display of public affection.” he mimed throwing up. 
You shot him an annoyed look, “yes, I’m sure you just happened upon us, considering how Professor Vector’s classroom is on the other side of the castle.” Felix snorted. 
Hyunjin narrowed his eyes at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “I like taking the scenic route,” he retorted, “stretch my legs a bit after being subject to three hours of torture.”
You nodded in a disparaging manner, “hm, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Hwang.” Grabbing Felix’s hand, you led him in the opposite direction, leaving behind an angry, red-faced Hwang Hyunjin. 
Felix tugged at your arm to stop, levelling up to the Slytherin. You watched him with intrigue in your eyes. “Next time you want in just let us know, yeah? No need to come up with excuses just to see us.” Patting Hyunjin’s cheek with his unoccupied hand, he moved back, still clasping yours in the other. With a final smug look towards the taller boy, he pulled you away, walking down the corridor. 
The two of you managed to maintain your composure until you turned the corner, immediately erupting into boisterous laughs and heaving lungfuls of air. 
“That felt good.” you said after you got over your laughing fit, still breathless. 
Felix wiped away some tears from the corner of his eyes, “more than good, that was brilliant. Getting one up on that wanker is always the best feeling.” 
You agreed, nodding enthusiastically. The truth is, the situation itself wasn’t even that funny. Sure, it was nice to call Hyunjin out on his bullshit, but you supposed what made it even better was that Felix was with you, and you couldn’t remember the last time you felt so carefree, so unbothered, in the face of Hwang Hyunjin. 
Felix just gave you that confidence. The confidence to stand up for yourself, to realise that no, you didn’t deserve to be tormented endlessly by someone as repulsive as Hwang Hyunjin.
As the two of you came down from your highs, your eyes found each other again. Your face was flushed red, your chest rising rapidly as you tried to contain your breathing. He wasn’t much better off, either; cheeks dusted with a pink tinge and hair messily pushed back to reveal his forehead. 
Ethereal was the only way you could describe the way he looked right now. You pondered how a human could possibly be so beautiful. 
It suddenly became quiet in the corridor, save for the sound of your breaths. You stared at him, he stared right back. Only this time, you were hit with a wave of uneasiness because yes, you managed to ruffle Hyunjin’s feathers…but maybe that wasn’t the best call. So caught up in the heated moment between you and Felix, it completely escaped you how Hyunjin had the power to hurt the person you loved most in this world in unimaginable ways. 
The high you felt not one minute ago diminished entirely, and a pit grew in your stomach, heavy and unyielding. Your mouth grew dry as you swallowed, brows drawing together as your lips shook with a ragged exhale. Felix immediately took notice of your sudden change in attitude, anxiety filling his eyes. 
“I think we just made a horrible mistake.”
Taglist: @curasimp @hibuki-chan @lotus-dly @fraeppuccino @stillkindadreamin @ethereallino
if you're bold I can't tag you for some reason
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cc-writesfor2dcharacters · 10 months ago
I present...
What would the Tokyo Revengers boys do when you're on your period?
(Mikey, Baji, Mitsuya, Chifuyu)
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a/n: i'll do the bonten boys too. and if you're wondering why are takemichi and draken not in my headcanons, it's because i only want hina and emma for them :)) plus, there are so many characters in tokrev, that's why i picked my top 4. so, i hope you guys enjoy this! AND, REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT MAKE SURE TO READ MY PINNED POST!
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Manjiro Sano
Out of the four of them, this boy is the most clueless and asks Emma for help. The night before, you suddenly fell asleep in his room since you two were watching a movie. Mikey was the first one to wake up between the two of you. Of course, he wanted to try and impress his girl by cooking breakfast for her. But, what dawned on him was blood in his sheets. He wasn't disgusted by it because he knows it's normal. However, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to wake you up, but he thought you might feel embarrassed if he was the one to do it. So, he asked Emma if she could help you. While Emma wakes you up, Mikey prepared some hot compress and new sheets for his bed. When he entered the room, he just felt bad because your eyes were sad and you were continuously saying sorry to him. He patted your head and kissed your forehead. He just said, "It's normal. After all, I'll be taking care of you for a long time so I have to get used to it, right?" You smiled and thanked him. Before you went home, he cuddled up with you as you started having cramps. He'll make sure you're okay for the rest of the time until your period has ended.
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Keisuke Baji
This boy was taught well by his momma. No matter where you are, he'll come and accompany you. He'll usually bring some instant Yakisoba or soba made by his mom. You want some chocolates? He'll buy you lots of it. You want some chips? He'll buy every chips there are in the market. Just whatever you ask him to do, he'll do it. You want him to stay for the night because you'll be sad once he leaves? Oh, you better prepare for the best cuddles. He'll caress your hair until you fall asleep. He'll even buy sanitary napkins for you with no shame at all. Whenever you're on your period, you are very sensitive. That's why he's very careful with every word he says or every action he takes. He won't participate in a brawl with Toman if you're on your period because he doesn't want you to worry. You were already experiencing enough pain and he doesn't want to add up to that. And, when you're pushing him away because of your mood swings? He'll just sit in a corner and wait for you to give him some attention. He wants you to have a proper amount of time. Because he understands how painful and irritating it is to have a "monthly bloody best friend" which he calls your period as.
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Takashi Mitsuya
With him being the only guy in the family, he knows EXACTLY what to do. He's prepared for everything such as the unbearable mood swings, painful cramps, lots of blood, and craving for weird foods. He visited you when you had your period, and this boy knitted a fluffy blanket and sweater for you. He wants to take care of your well-being so he will cook some home-cooked meals for you. He wants you to be healthy. But, of course, Takashi is so whipped for you that he'll let you indulge in a pint of ice cream while you watch a cheesy rom-com movie. Once your cramps start to become more painful, he'll bring out the chargeable hot compress he bought for you. He will massage any spots you're feeling uncomfortable with. Mostly you have headaches, so he'll massage your head and make you take some medicines. He already has some sanitary napkins prepared just for you. And, damn, Takashi handles your mood so well that you can't even give him a sass because you feel guilty. All in all, he's perfect enough to be your husband already. You once joked about it when he was cooking for you, and he just said "Soon, my love." You know you're just one heck of a lucky girl.
++ He's the kind of boyfriend that will track your monthly period so he'll be prepared when that time comes.
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Chifuyu Matsuno
He learned a lot from his Baji-san and Takemichi. But, like Mikey, he's very clueless. And, he will research everything he has to know. Also, Chifuyu is the type of guy who will prepare a "period kit" especially if he's away from you. It will consist of letters that he'll make you open each day, some sanitary napkins, chocolates, chips, beverages, and he even left you his sweater with his cologne sprayed all over it. But, just when you're feeling the worst, that's exactly the time he'll visit you. You'll sulk in at first, but he'll just display his puppy eyes and pout, and you'll immediately give in. He knows that you'll be extra clingy through your period. So, he'll stay until you fall asleep. You have your arms wrapped around his other arm, while he caresses your face with his other hand. He will try and make you feel really comfortable. When you're starting to feel the pain of your cramps, he can't help but close his eyes sometimes because he doesn't like seeing you in pain. He doesn't like his bubbly girlfriend to be this gloomy. He doesn't hate that time of the month because of your mood swings, he hates it because the person he wants to protect the most is in pain. But, the tables will turn and you'll be the one to comfort and reassure him that it's normal.
And, when he finally gets used to all of that, I guarantee you that every month it gets better.
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obsidiancreates · 8 months ago
No Pain No Gain (Of Harrowing Experiences And Knowledge)
(4:30 am. Work in morning. Wrote this anyway. TW for convulsions, seizure-like symptoms, mentions of extreme pain, and parents not believing their kids when they most absolutely should.)
Danny groans, resting his head in his hand. "My head is killing me," he complains.
Jazz taps his plate with her fork. "Eat, it'll help!"
"Thanks, Mini-Mom." Danny shakes his head. "My stomach feels all tight, I can't get anything down."
Maddie pokes her head into the kitchen. "Danny, sweetie? Are you sick?"
"I dunno."
She walks over, and puts a hand on his forehead. Danny's breath hitches as a stab of pain goes into his head! He shuts his eyes, tearing his head away. "Ah, no, no touching!"
"Well, that's odd."
"Maybe he's allergic to that pollen on your hands."
Danny can't peel his eyes open quite yet. Pollen? Since when does his Mom garden.
"Oh, that can't be it, sweetie. Well, he'll just have to stay home today, he's pale as a sheet."
"Or a ghost," Jazz mumbles under her breath. Danny would glare at her little hint-joke, if it weren't for the fact that the lack of light coming through his eyelids was helping with his headache.
Sam and Tucker knock on the door. Jack opens it up, grinning. "Hiya, kids!"
"Hi, Mr. Fenton. We're here with Danny's homework." Tucker holds up the very stuffed backpack.
"All eight missed days of it," Sam says, arms crossed. "Has he been to the hospital yet?"
"We can take care of him just fine," Jack assures. "Come on in, he's resting in bed!"
Very chipper, for someone who's son has been bedridden for over a week now.
They head up and slowly open the door. "Danny?" Sam calls softly.
They get a groan from his bed. They walk over, finding Danny curled up in fetal position under his covers.
They sit on his bed. "How're you feeling?" Sam asks, rubbing his back. He seems to relax a little at that.
"Like I would rather get caught in the Portal again," he grumbles. "Everything hurts."
"Well, I brought you a Nasty Burger Meal." Tucker pulls it out. "And Sam and I left one or two assignments at school by 'accident'. They can't blame you for those ones missing!"
"Thanks, guys."
They hang out for a little while longer (Danny doesn't want the burger, so Tucker eats it and Sam gets the fries). But Danny isn't in a very social mood, so they head downstairs.
"Hey guys," Jazz says without looking up from her studies, waving at Danny's friends.
"Hey Jazz," they say in unison.
"Hi, kids!" Maddie walks in, dusting her hands off. "Come over to visit Danny?"
"We just left his room," Tucker says.
"Good, he needs the pick-me-up. I don't know what has him so under the weather."
"I'm telling you, it's that pollen," Jazz says, shaking her head.
"Pollen? What kind?" Sam can't remember Danny ever having an allergic reaction in her greenhouse.
Maddie grins. "Jack, sweetie, grab a sample! You kids will love this."
Jack comes up the stairs, covering something in his hand.
"We won an auction for some old ghost-hunting books, Maddie says, "And found something amazing! This-"
Jack opens his hands. Sam and Tucker feel the blood drain out of their faces.
"-is a Blood Blossom!"
Danny hugs himself, random parts of him twitching and jerking. Again. This is getting unbearable.
He looks at his mirror, taking in his paled skin and deep eye bags. He grits his teeth as another headache hits him.
Maybe this is... more, than a Human Sickness.
... Maybe he should go see Frostbite.
He chokes back a cry of pain as his Core pulses with discomfort.
Yeah. Frostbite it is.
He slides out of bed and turns intangible, laying down as he drifts down into the lab.
"You have to get rid of those!"
"No, don't worry, they're not as scary as the name implies," Maddie assures. "They only hurt ghosts!"
"Hurt 'em real good, according to the book," Jack says proudly. "And there was a pouch of seeds inside of it!"
"And we developed a growing method that allowed them to fully mature in just a few hours." Maddie looks lovingly at the flower. "A beautiful way to ghost-proof a home."
"They're toxic!" Sam exclaims.
"To ghosts," Maddie repeats.
"Which Dan-! Uh, I mean, which damages, we don't... know... the extent of!" Tucker says slowly. "... Yeah, how do we know there's no, uh, long-lasting effects on humans?!"
"We've been testing them, don't worry. They're perfectly harmle-"
Everyone freezes.
And then all at once, they rush down to the lab!
Danny is six feet underground before he realizes he overshot the basement.
With effort, he rises back up. Turning tangible again once he's actually above ground and not inside of it, he lays on the floor for a second longer.
His head is pounding, and his vision has gone blurry. He can just barely make out vague shapes and colors... he needs to get to Frostbite fast.
So where's the portal?
He crawls along the floor over to a desk, and hoists himself up Leaning heavily, he tries to focus his eyes.
Okay... it's closed right now, so no glow to guide him. Maybe he can pick something familiar, and find his way from there.
He starts slowly making his way through the room, trying to pinpoint landmarks.
And then steps on a discarded invention, slipping.
He tumbles into a patch of something red-
Sam and Tucker are the first ones down, and it's just as bad as they'd feared.
Danny is laying in a small patch of growing Blood Blossoms, screaming his lungs out. A red glow completely surrounds him as he convulses and twists, jerking and curling, completely poisoned.
They rush to drag him out of the flowers, The Fentons getting down right as they lift Danny up.
"What on earth?!" Maddie runs over. "What's happening, how did he get here when he was just in his room-"
Danny screams again, the sound raw and painful. He curls up tightly, but then his body jerks. His eyes are shut tight, tears pouring out.
"Danny? Danny, speak to us!" Jack kneels next to him. "Danny, what's wrong?"
"Those things are what's wrong!" Sam and Tucker are rifling through the inventions scattered around the room. "Your stupid flowers!"
"And I can't eat this many 'of them at once, so you better hope we find a flamethrower!"
"Jazz, sweetie, talk Danny's friends down while Mommy and Daddy help-"
"I think there's a flamethrower in this closet!" Jazz rushes over, ignoring her parents. "But we need something to power it, it's kind of old!"
"Jazz, no! You can't burn those, they're going to be incredibly useful against gho-"
Danny's hand grips her jumpsuit, and Maddie looks down as Danny lets out a sob, coughing up blood.
"LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO HIM!" Sam throws a piece of junk at Maddie, barely missing her head.
"But they don't harm humans!" Jack insists, grabbing the first-aid kit. "Maddie, how's his pulse?"
"... Slow, Jack it-it's slow and-and faint-"
Jack pales, pulling out a penlight. "Okay, okay, we can solve this, Maddie open his eye-"
She gets Danny's eye open before Jack finishes his sentence, and they both get the wind knocked out of them by the sight.
Danny's eyes are glowing bright green, unfocused and glassy and decidedly inhuman.
"He's possessed," Jack spits, standing up. "That's why it's hurting him!"
"NO YOU IDIOTS." If tones could kill, Sam would have knocked them dead right then and there. "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE OBLIVIOUS!"
"MOM, DAD, LET US HANDLE THIS!" Jazz snaps. "Okay, okay, I found the battery!"
"Got the flamethrower!" Tucker holds it up, and Jazz puts in the battery. "Powering up?! You've got to be kidding me!"
"Danny!" Jack is shaking his son. "Danny, come on, look at us! You-you're not being hurt by these, what happened? Danny, tell us!"
Another bloodcurdling shriek of pain. Something sparks at Danny's midsection, only for a second. His eyes roll back, and he goes limp before seemingly getting shocked again.
"Get a blood sample," Maddie says, and her husband goes fumbling for the equipment. "It must be some kind of ecto-contamination, maybe-"
"HA!" Tucker aims the flamethrower. "The only good veggies are ones barbecued to ashes!"
"NO!" Maddie grabs something, she's not sure what, off a counter and throws it. It hits the flamethrower, knocking it out of Tucker's hands!
Danny jerks, and then stiffens, and then twitches in Maddie's lap. He lets out another scream, and another spark by his midsection, and she must be imagining it but his hair looks white and why are his eyes glowing green-
Jazz grabs the flamethrower. "MOM, WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM!" She aims it. "WE KNOW BETTER RIGHT NOW!"
"We just have to-"
"BURN THEM!" Sam screams.
Jazz lets loose, yelling in rage as she burns all the flowers to ashes, and then burns them some more!
But Danny is still convulsing, the red aura still there! Jack draws blood, quickly, and starts trying to find anomalies that could explain this.
"We burned them all!" Sam looks around frantically. "Where could-"
Her eyes fall on Jack's shirt pocket, the Blossom he'd shown them peeking out.
Maddie points at her. "Don't you dare! You've already ruined what could have been a wealth of innovations in ghost hunting and containment-"
Maddie looks down at her baby boy, her sobbing, screaming baby boy, as he twitches and flails and wails and-
... And glows. His eyes, his slowly-whitening hair, the sparking at his midsection that seems to be slowly changing into something else, a jumpsuit, a-a familiar jumpsuit-
"He's a human boy!"
"HE'S DYING!" Sam looks ready to throw herself at Jack and take that flower by force.
But Jazz snatches up a Fenton Extendo-Grabber, and snatches the flower away before Sam can do anything! Jack tries to grab it, but gets shocked when Jazz pushes a button!
"Not now, Mom!"
She puts the flower on the floor, and burns it.
And finally... Danny stops screaming. he goes limp in Maddie's arms, breathing shallowly. His clothes start returning to normal. His hair starts darkening again.
His eyes dim, back to baby blue. And then flutter shut.
"... What just happened?" Maddie asks softly, brushing Danny's hair out of his face. She feels his pulse again. Still slow. Still faint.
Jazz crosses her arms. "It's not for us to tell you."
"Jasmine Fenton, you will explain right now-"
She looks up, Jack's strained voice capturing her attention.
"Maddie..." He looks up from examining the blood. Danny's blood. "I... think she's right. We need to talk to Danny about this."
Danny groans, slowly coming out of unconsciousness. He tries to move, but his body refuses. Even his eyelids won't open.
"Danny?" His mom's voice. He manages to make a sound in response.
"Are you awake, son?"
Another affirmative noise. His throat hurts. What happened to him? Even the Ghostly Wail doesn't take this much out of him...
"... Danny, sweetie... we... we're sorry."
... What? Danny's even more confused now. He thinks his eyebrow twitches to show it, which gives him some hope for being able to open his eyes soon.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Jack asks.
Danny's heart twists, and his Core pulses with panic.
"You know why." Sam's voice cuts through the moment, sharp and angry.
"We're his parents! He-he should have known-"
"I thought you would kill him!" Jazz, this time.
"You aren't exactly open-minded about ghosts." Tucker. Oh, yay. A whole crowd. This isn't a nightmare at all.
"Danny." He feels his mom grab ahold of his hand. "When you... feel better, we're going to have a long talk about this. And then I promise, your father and I will work endlessly to find a way to cure you and rip the ghost ou-"
Danny's Core flares, and he hears his mom gasp. Her hand jerks away, and Danny feels a chill in his arm.
"He has ice powers?" His dad sounds closer now. Trying to help his Mom? That was an instinctual power use. He hopes it hadn't been too harsh.
"I don't think he needs a cure." He can picture Sam's arms-crossed, goth-death-stare, leaning sassily to the side demeanor with ease. It makes his lips twitch with the hunt of a smile.
"He clearly does," Maddie snaps back. "Look at what this mutation made him do to me!"
"You threatened him!"
"I threatened the ghostly energy infecting his body!"
Danny lets out a shuddering breath. Stop fighting
Oh. That's a new power. The whisper comes from him, but not his mouth. It just... drifts from his aura, unspoken yet heard clearly.
He's pretty sure everyone else stopped moving. He tries it again.
I don't want to be 'cured'. Another creepy whisper-like sound, but it's getting the message across, he thinks. I like my powers.
"But they're making you... making you..." Maddie chokes on a sob.
I'm half-ghost. It feels almost anticlimactic to admit, and yet like it was the most life-changing sentence he'd ever said. Or, kind of said.
I help people with my powers.
"You're fourteen. You still have your baby fat." Maddie sniffles. "You can't be a ghost."
Half ghost. Halfa. ... Why can't I move?
"... You... had an accident in the lab." Suddenly his mom sounds guarded.
"They were growing Blood Blossoms," Sam growls.
Blood Blossoms? ... That's why I've been sick... but they're gone now?
"Burned them," Tucker confirms. "Jazz made sure there was nothing left."
His mom... huffs. ... Disappointed.
"Yes, sweetie?"
... How long did it take for you to burn them?
"They were valuable, sweetie, and-and we never thought- it shouldn't be possible, we didn't think it was really hurting you-"
Please leave me alone
Leave me alone
Not a whisper. The room shakes a little with the words.
Anyone still here?
"Just us." Sam says.
"I locked the door," Jazz informs him.
"And I hacked their computers. Now when they try to send important emails it'll just send a video of a goat wearing a hat."
Danny laughs. Kind of. It's a reverb in the air, the vibrations of laughter without the sound of it.
"We're gonna bring you to my house for a while," Sam says. "My parents went on a month-long vacation of some kind, and Grandma never goes into the guest rooms."
... How bad was it?
"... Bad."
... And now they know.
... Now they know. And they... clearly aren't happy about it.
Maddie paces the lab, Jack sitting slumped at one of the desks.
"He's a human," Maddie says again. "A pulse! A heartbeat! He-he needs to eat, he bleeds blood!"
"Ectoplasmic blood." Jack rolls the vial of Danny's blood in his hands. "Half boy, half ghost... and he thought we'd see the ghost half more than we'd see him..."
"Because it's taking over him. His hair turned white, Jack! His-his eyes! They were..."
Maddie looks at the pile of ashes, and sets her jaw. "We need to find more Blood Blossoms."
Jack looks up, jaw dropped. "Are you mad, Mads?!"
"We can use them to fix him!" She gestures at the pile. "If we could do it right, we could kill off the ghostly infection while letting Danny fully recover!"
"That's a stretch-"
"Jack." She grabs ahold of his shoulders. "Our son, if half ghost. Our baby boy is filled with ectoplasm and who knows what sorts of ghostly instincts and mind alterations! He cold-shocked me!"
Jack looks at her hand, still red from the bite of the freeze. "... If we get it wrong, it could kill him."
"We won't get it wrong. We're his parents, Jack. When he's sick, we help him get better. No matter how much he hates the medicine."
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ohworm-writes · a year ago
MCYT: c!Technoblade Boyfriend Scenario
mcyt masterlist
‼ c!Technoblade prompt: Reader gets hurt while exploring through the Nether, coming back wounded to their lover ‼
Featuring: c!Technoblade
Warnings: GORE, angst (?), mentions of injury, description of injury, mentions of blood, worried techno
[ 1.5k word count ]
a/n - i wanted to do a Techno work for a while, so i finally got around to doing it! enjoy the work! i’m horrible at doing endings if you couldn’t tell lol
content below the cut!
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You happily made your way through the scorching confines of the Nether, checking your inventory to look at the loot you had gotten. You had been trading with piglins for hours, giving out one bar of gold after another in return for a wide array of items, a lot of which were useless to you.
You had traveled farther out than you anticipated, seeing nothing other than the dull shade of red from the netherack and the flow of lava around you. You had placed a few stray blocks to keep you on track, one of these landmarks more obvious than the others.
The nether-bricked fortress loomed over you as you passed through one of the arches. It didn't seem to have been looted yet, so you had saved the coordinates to it, planning to tell your boyfriend when you got back. Your footsteps echoed through the landscape as you made your way back, unaware of the group of 4 blazes that floated high above you.
You had been absentmindedly checking your inventory still, throwing out the near stacks of soul sand and quartz that had accumulated in your inventory when they started firing at you. You reacted a split second too late, overwhelmed by the searing pain in your arm.
Your clothing was starting to burn up as you erratically patted it down, now left with the skin painfully peeling off, your blood crisping and drying up around it. You screamed in pain as you set the fire out, tears welling up in your eyes at the sight if the injury.
Focusing on getting away, you made a dash towards one of the pillars, hiding behind it as the blazes shooting again at you. The fire caught at the netherack in front of you, fire crackling at your feet. You took a few frantic steps backward, your back meeting with the wall of nether brick.
Waiting a moment to catch your breath, you peered over the side to look at the blazes. They had gotten a bit closer, still looming high above you. You looked around you, spotting the nether portal to the tundra a few hundred blocks away. If you booked it, you could probably make it! But would the blazes catch you before you got there?
The sound of fire shooting resonated in your ears, making you jump back behind the pillar. The fire caught on the netherack, much further away than the last shot. You moved your shoulder a bit, crying out in pain at the intensity of your injury. You held your arm against your chest, clutching it tightly.
You decided it was now or never, breaking into a sprint towards the portal. You heard the fire shooting again, but you couldn't risk slowing down. Sweat ran down your back as your feet collided with the soft netherack under them. The vibration from your footsteps shot up through your arm, making you scream as you pushed forward.
The portal was much closer now, and you didn't hear the shots of blazes. You couldn't risk looking back, so you continued to run. The obsidian pathway felt hard under your feet, in contrast to the softer feeling of netherack. You slowed your pace, adrenaline draining as you stumbled through the portal.
When you came through the other side, you were met with the calm winds of the arctic. You fell to your feet, the pain becoming almost unbearable. You laid your back against the portal, finally deciding to take a better look at your wound.
The entirety of your left arm, from your shoulder to your elbow, was burnt. A large portion of your top was burnt too. Raw skin peeked out from under the burnt portions, red and blotchy. There wasn't much blood, to your relief. Your entire arm still felt like it was burning, searing in pain.
You had to get back to the cabin. That was your goal. Get back to the cabin. You shakily stood up, stumbling slightly as you made your way across the tundra. You held your arm close to your chest, wincing every time the wind blew against it and the vibrations that wracked through your body with every heavy step.
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After what had felt like hours, the cabin was finally in sight. The sun was starting to set over the icy plains. You knew mobs would start spawning if you didn't hurry up. You stumbled your way towards the cabin, seeing how all of the lights were on in the place you called home.
When you finally reached the spruce doors. Before you could even reach for the handle, the doors swung open, revealing your piglin boyfriend with a worried expression on his face.
"Y/n! Where the hell have you be-" His eyes switched from concern to anger and settling on distress. He held your uninjured shoulder and ushered you inside, moving you to sit down on the couch that sat down in the center of the room.
He quickly started rifling through chests, not a word spoken as he did so. He pulled out a bottle of healing and regeneration, tucking them under his arm as he reached for gauze and a variety of antibiotics.
You watched him as he made his way from the chests over to where you sat. Your legs dangled off the front of the couch, your boyfriend situating himself between them as he took a better look at your arm. He took a short blade from his boot, cutting off your shirt carefully. He tossed it to the side, focusing his attention on your wound.
He pushed two potions into your chest, you could just feel the anger radiating off of him. It was scary. Without a word, you downed both of the potions, feeling the pain subside for the most part. You exhaled a deep breath you didn't know you were holding, shutting your eyes slowly.
"Are you going to tell me what the hell happened?" His tone was firm, cold, anger dripping from it. You felt terrible, you knew his mind would be working overtime trying to find out a solution before you told him a worm. Your eyes opened slowly, a frown finding its way to your face.
"Blazes," you tell him softly. You saw as his shoulders became slightly relax, at least it wasn't a person who did this to you.
"Tech, love, it's really not that bad. Let me patch it up." Wrong choice of words. His eye twitched and his brows furrowed as he looked towards you. "Not that bad?! Y/n are you looking at it? Your entire upper arm is messed up!"
"I've seen worse on you." You wanted to try and deescalate the situation, but you knew it wasn't going to end up that way. "This isn't about my wounds, this is about yours! You aren't fine!" He yelled, worry filling his eyes as he started to focus on dressing your wound. He stood up, going towards the kitchen to grab a wet cloth.
"Tech-" He grumbled angrily as he drenched the cloth in water. You knew he was blaming himself, you knew the voices would be screaming at him. He settled himself in front of you again, eyes dark as he gently pushed the cloth against your wound, very contrasted to how tense he was.
Your breath hitched, your hand grabbing onto his tightly. He put all of his attention onto wrapping you up. He was completely silent during the whole process. By the end of it, you had a new shirt on, your arm settled comfortably in a sling.
When he was fully finished, he settled his palms on your knees, head down as he mumbled something. You brought your free hand up to his hair, gently coursing your fingers through it. "I could have prevented this," he said, just enough so you could hear him.
"Hey," you whispered, taking your hand out of his hair and moving it to his cheek. He leaned into your palm affectionately, casting his eyes upwards to meet yours. He didn't look angry anymore, his eyes were just filled with remorse.
"It's not your fault, please believe me when I say that." He hummed lowly, closing his eyes and melting into your touch. You stayed like that for a while, silently cupping his cheek. When he opened his eyes again, his arms moved off your knees and he sat up.
You cast him a confused look as he sat down next to you, resting his back on the armrest of the couch. He huffed, opening his arms as a welcoming for you. You chuckled softly, laying back into him and making sure you didn’t lay on your injured arm. 
You lay your head against his chest as he carefully wraps both of his arms around you. He hums again, the sound resonating through his chest. You let your eyes shut as you smile. You feel him press a kiss to your forehead as you let exhaustion take over.
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Home (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)
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Umm... Surprise!
Double Lizzie! Here's a little something I don't think any of you expected. :)
There she was, smiling back at you. When she moved towards you, everything slowed down and when she pressed her lips to your it was like you had all the answers you ever needed to know. Forever.
Leigh pulled you closer and you wrapped your arms loosely around her, the feeling familiar.
When you pulled away you looked over Leigh’s shoulder to see Wanda smiling weakly back at you, her hand connected with someone else. Someone that wasn’t you.
Before you could look any longer, Leigh gently placed her hand on your cheek to get your attention. You smiled easily back at her. It was Leigh. It always was.
With a start, you shot up in bed, the images from your dream still flashing vividly in your mind. It was like your subconscious was telling you the path that you should take.
Suddenly, the tangled webs in your heart came undone because you knew. You knew. Even though it was going to break your heart, you knew what you had to do.
You would never forgive yourself if you didn’t.
With shaky hands, you scrambled for your phone. The simple action felt heavy as you blindly scrolled through your contacts until you landed on the familiar name. Your finger hovered over the contact, the weight of the action feeling almost impossible as your heart thrummed heavily against your ribcage. The phone rang steadily, and you were certain there would be no answer until-
“Y/n? Is everything okay?” The groggy voice floating softly into your ears. The sight of her face on your screen caused your heart rate to increase.
“Yes- No… I don’t know. I just- I needed to talk to someone and I realize how selfish it is of me to call and ask that of you, but I just-… I needed to hear your voice.”
Her voice interrupted your nervous ramblings as she sleepily rubbed her eyes. “Y/n. Breathe. It’s fine. Let’s talk.”
Hesitantly you laid back in your bed, the images from your dream still racing intensely in your mind. “Thank you, Wanda.” You mumbled, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck. You quietly watched her yawn as she shifted the pillows around on her bed. “What are you doing?”
“It’s late. We can talk while I’m comfortable in bed.” She explained simply and you could see her smile slightly at your question.
All you could do was wish you were there. In her arms with your head on her chest. The study strum of her heartbeat under your ear. You held tightly to a pillow and pretended it was her instead.
For a moment silence settled into the air and you were almost certain Wanda had fallen back asleep until her voice broke up the silence. “What made you call at…” You could see her tilt her head to glance at the clock on her bedside table. “4 in the morning. Is everything okay?”
Her words were cautious. “I had a dream about you.” You eventually mumbled.
“What was it about?”
You swallowed thickly as you contemplated the answer. “In the dream, I was with Leigh and you… You were there with someone else.” You admitted. Honestly was something you valued with Wanda and she deserved to know.
There was disappointment in her voice and you could feel the distance between you grow. That was the last thing you wanted. You wanted her to pull you closer. Always closer.
Desperately you changed the subject after several minutes of unbearable silence. “Wanda?” She hummed in response. “Why do you love me?”
“Well… because you’re a bad dancer.” She began teasingly, her voice still thick with sleep. You huffed and opened your mouth to respond until she continued. “Because you’re an over-thinker… but not in a bad way. You over-think when you care... Because of how you repeat the words under your breath when you read… Because you’re complicated.”
A soft chuckle fell from your lips. “I think that’s an understatement.”
Her eyes fluttered slightly, and a small smile spread across her lips. The sight took your breath away. “And also… because I always thought I was impossible to love… Then you came around and made it look so… easy.”
You smiled slightly back at her, your heart thudding in your chest. “It is easy.”
The only response you received was a small smile in return as you watched her eyes slowly close through the screen. You still hadn’t said the words that were on the tip of your tongue. Even if you wanted to. You couldn’t. Not until you could tell her it was only her.
The steady rise and fall of her breathing slowly lulled you to sleep.
Maybe love wasn’t always lightning bolts. Maybe sometimes it was a blooming flower. Growing slowly and steadily until suddenly it was all there was in the world… And Wanda was.
She was all there was in your world.
When you opened your eyes the following morning, you were greeted by the sight of Wanda still on the screen before you. Her face was free from any tension as she continued to dream soundlessly. You didn’t have the heart to wake her.
Slowly picking up the phone, you whispered. “Sleep tight, Wanda.”
As you were preparing to hang up, a sleepy groan filled the serene morning air. “Where are you going?”
“There’s something I need to do.” You told her somberly.
Still half-asleep, Wanda turned and mumbled, “Hurry back to me.”
Your lips quirked up slightly at the familiar saying. “As fast as I can.” You whispered back to her before ending the call. There would be no more avoiding it. You knew what you needed to do.
With unsteady fingers you began to type the message that you dreaded. The unsteady path of your heart had never felt more treacherous.
The closer you got to the destination, the more your heart ached. You could feel it splintering with the loss of something you hadn’t even said goodbye to yet. The loss of something that had never been yours but had been all that you were for so long. The loss of the foundation that was all you loved and how you learned to love.
The chase and the ache.
With a heavy sigh, you opened the door. After you found a secluded table in the corner of the familiar café you were greeted by the sight of the woman you had spent the majority of your life thinking was the beginning and end of love for you.
You never would have thought that your heart was capable of more.
“Y/n.” She greeted with a hesitant smile. She was nervous. The sight alone made your stomach turn in agony. “I thought we would be meeting at the spot later today.”
There was hope in her voice and you hated that you might dimish that.
You licked your lips and pretended to not notice the way her eyes were drawn to the action. “Can we talk?”
Her smile fell, and she shut her eyes. “Do we really need to?”
“I think it’s best we do, Leigh.” Wordlessly, she gestured for you to go on. Your vision became blurry with unshed tears as you struggled to push through. “Leigh, I love you-”
“Then why are you doing this?” She asked quietly, tears glistening in her eyes.
Your heart thudded at the sight. You never wanted to hurt her. You came back to help her, not cause her more pain. There was no better way to do this though.
The truth would hurt but you knew lying would hurt her more.
With a shaky breath you continued. “I’m not in love with you anymore. I can’t-… I can’t let you wait around for something that I’m not capable of feeling again. It’s just… When I think of Wanda… I’m home.”
Her lip quivered. “Did you ever see that with me?” You bit your lip in hesitation. “It's okay... I want to know.”
A sigh fell from your lips as your gaze fell to the floor. “Even on our best days I couldn’t.” Leigh took a shaky breath. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still think about you. That your voice didn’t echo in my chest and your fingerprints weren’t stamped all over my heart… I just think we never got it right. And maybe that was the universe telling us that maybe it wasn’t us.”
“What if we ignore what the universe is saying? What if I want it to be us anyway?” Her words were small. A stark contrast to the self-reliant woman you knew she was. You hated that you reduced her to this.
Your eyes clenched shut in anguish. “Leigh… You deserve happiness. You deserve all the little moments of joy that life has to offer... You deserve everything you told yourself you didn’t deserve and so much more… I can’t give you that. Not when I’m in love with her.”
“Why her?” She asked, and you looked up to meet her pleading eyes.
The answer rolled off your tongue with ease. You didn’t need to think about why you loved Wanda when the list was endless. “I was running for so long that I never thought anyone would catch me. I never thought I’d even be able to catch myself again… Then I let her find me and it felt like everything fell into place with her. I stopped feeling so lost… It’s like the thing I didn’t know I was searching for found me and suddenly everything made sense again.”
“That’s how I feel about you.” You could hear her whisper brokenly over the heavy sound of silence. Sometimes silence was so much loud than any words could be.
Unsteadily you reached across the table and took her hands in your own, the feeling of her skin against yours was comforting, but it didn’t set you ablaze like it used to. “I’m always going to love you, Leigh, even if it’s not the way you want me to.” You began quietly, your thumb stroking a soothing pattern along the back of her hand. “We weren’t meant for each other and I think that was something we both knew… But that never stopped you from loving me and it sure as hell never stopped me from loving you.”
Tears fell down Leigh’s cheeks and you could feel a hot trail of tears on your own cheeks. “Kiss me.” She whispered.
Her lips turned up sadly. “Kiss me goodbye.”
“It doesn’t have to be goodbye.” You replied quietly, your mind flashing to the night of her wedding.
Your eyes fixated on the way her lower lips quivered as she worked desperately to maintain her smile. “It does. Kiss me goodbye.” She repeated. You stared back at her with parted lips, the words stolen from your chest because even though you knew it was going to hurt, you still couldn’t have prepared yourself. “Goodbye because I love you.”
Gently you released her hands and leaned across the table, your palms sliding against her cheeks until they rested on the back of her neck as you slowly pulled her closer. The pull was slow as you both waited with bated breath for your lips to connect.
When your lips finally met, you could feel Leigh tangle her hands into your hair and press herself as close as she possibly could with the table in between you. Your lips fell into a familiar dance as you allowed yourself to get lost in the moment. To get lost in one final embrace.
It was the end of something monumental but the start of something beautiful.
After several minutes you finally pulled away, you allowed your eyes to remain closed for a moment and relish the finality of it all. When your eyes opened once again, you were met with the sight of familiar green eyes turning away from you over Leigh’s shoulder. Your blood ran cold.
“Wanda.” You whispered as you saw her disappear around the corner.
Leigh’s hand on your face gently redirected your attention. “What?”
“Wanda saw.” You mumbled, already standing up to chase after her. “I have to explain.”
As you were leaving, Leigh caught your hand and you turned to face her. Meeting her heartbroken expression made your chest clench. “I'll still look for you. Even in places I know you’ve never been... And I’ll miss you without saying a word. Goodbye, Y/n.”
Your world slowed down as you watched her heartbreak in front of you. No words would suffice. No words could make the situation better as you slowly released her hand and let her walk away. Watching the way, she disappeared to the left of the café. In the opposite direction as Wanda. How poetic.
Though life was easier when you finally knew what you felt. You followed the path to the right. You followed the path of your heart.
Despite following after Wanda minutes after she left, the woman vanished without a trace. Quite literally vanished. Her phone went to voicemail and her apartment was vacant. The fear that bubbled in your chest made it almost impossible to function because all she had seen was you kissing Leigh. She didn’t hear you tell Leigh you were in love with her. She didn’t hear you tell Leigh goodbye. All she knew was that you kissed Leigh after dreaming of her the night before.
You knew there was one other place that she could be and that involved a trip across the country. Wanda was worth it though. She needed to know it was her. It would always be her.
With steely resolve, you drove to the airport and booked the first flight to New York, taking only the clothes on your back.
The sight of the Avengers tower looming over you was a daunting sight and it took all your willpower to step into the building and approach the front desk.
A large man dressed in all black was sat at the desk that was in front of the elevators. You hesitantly made your way over to him, trying not to wince at how much bigger the man was compared to you when you were face-to-face.
“Um. Hello.” The man continued looking at the screen of the computer before him as if you didn't exist. “I’m here to see Wanda Maximoff. Is she here?” The man grunted in amusement.
You shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as the man continued to ignore your existence. “I’ll give you another thirty seconds before I forcibly remove you from my building.” He mumbled distractedly.
“I’m pretty sure the building belongs to Tony Stark.” You mumbled sarcastically, wincing when the man glared at you angrily. “I just need to see Wanda Maximoff.”
He stood up from behind the desk menacingly. “And I need you to get the hell out of my lobby.”
“I-I’m dating Wanda Maximoff!” You exclaimed. Were you? You hoped you could still say that at least.
He sneered down at you. “Yeah and I’m Natasha Romanoff’s husband. You’re not fooling anyone kid.”
When he made his way around the desk, he towered over you threateningly. “I just need to talk to her!” You explained anxiously.
“Yeah and I just need to take Black Widow on a date.” He began pushing you back by the shoulder, clenching his jaw when you refused to move. “Get the hell out of here!” He stated as he picked you up and began walking you towards the doors.
Out of desperation you began squirming in his arms, your hand slipping as you were desperately trying to slip out of his grasp. The slip caused you to punch the man in the lip.
Your eyes widened when you saw the blood trickle down from the split you had created. He dropped you and you sprawled out on the floor, glancing up at him fearfully. “Sir, I’m so sorry. I just need to-”
The man angrily wiped the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. “I don’t care what you need. I’ve lost my patience.” The man pinned your arm to your back and twisted, your face pressing into the floor from the force of it all. “All this could have been avoided if you just listened the first time.”
“What the hell are you doing?”
From your position on the floor, your eyes met Wanda’s whose eyes were practically glowing in fury. The eye contact was broken when the man twisted more and pressed your face further into the cool tile of the lobby. A small yelp of pain fell from your lips as you could feel the bone in your forearm bend in ways it shouldn’t.
“Just taking out the trash Miss. Maximoff.” The man said smugly, and you couldn’t even see her reaction from the tears that were clouding your vision from the physical pain.
“Let go of her.” Wanda warned darkly. The man just twisted more in response and you were sure you something was about to snap as you yelled out in pain. “I said let go of her!” Before you knew it the weight that was bending your arm was removed and you heard something crash into one of the walls.
You rolled over on your back, panting from the pain as you cradled your arm. Your vision was blurry as you blinked to attempt to focus on the world around you again and not on the pain in your arm.
Before you knew it, Wanda was swimming in your vision as she cupped your cheeks worriedly. “Are you okay?”
Suddenly the pain was the last thing on your mind as you looked up at her. “Wanda, I need to talk to you.” You huffed out through pained gasps.
“Y/n, your arm might be broken! That is not priority right now.”
You shook your head. “It is priority, Wanda! I don’t care about my arm! I just need to talk to you.”
Wanda sighed. “Okay. But only after you let Bruce tend to your arm.” You heaved out a defeated breath and nodded. Wanda carefully helped you up and your heart fluttered when she wrapped an arm protectively around you.
As she began leading you to the elevators, you heard the man groan in discomfort. Wanda’s eyes began to glow and your own widened slightly in surprise. You watched as red energy drifted from her fingers and wrapped around the man before she tossed him into the opposite wall.
“If you ever set foot in this building again I'll make sure it's the last step you take.” Wanda warned with a point of her finger, her accent thick. Your mouth went dry at the sight. Hot, you thought to yourself.
After an hour of being examined by Bruce Banner, your arm was wrapped in soft cast and you were sent off. You were still processing the fact that the Hulk just tended to you as Wanda led you to her room. The ride up the elevator was tense with silence. You just wanted to tell her everything, but you wanted to tell her the right way. Not blurt it out in an elevator.
When you finally made it to the safety of her room, you took her hand, frowning when she lightly took her hand back. “Wanda. What you saw…” Her gaze fell to the floor. “It wasn’t what it seemed.”
“It seemed like you were kissing Leigh.” She mumbled.
You began fidgeting with your fingers. “Okay, maybe it was what it seemed… But it wasn’t like that. I-I… With Leigh… It was…” The words tumbled from your lips awkwardly as you desperately tried to express the contents of your heart. You needed her to listen, but you couldn't seem to find the right words.
Wanda sighed. “You don’t have to explain to me, Y/n. And you certainly didn’t have to fly all the way to New York to do this. I get it.”
“I didn’t know that it was possible to survive a heartbreak like that… To move on.” You said suddenly, not even allowing your mind time to process anymore. Wanda's eyes widened in surprise at the shift. “And I think it echoed in my heart even when I didn’t want it to anymore... Making a full recovery was never in the plans, Wanda. Even if I never said it out loud.”
Wanda’s gaze fell again, the sleeves on her jacket stretched from the way she had been anxiously pulling on them. “Y/n, it’s okay.” She turned, and you could feel your heart break. The shattered pieces calling out to her. “Maybe you should go.”
Before she was out of reach you caught her hand, reveling in the feeling of love that burst in your chest from even the slightest contact. She turned back to you but refused to meet your eyes. You resented yourself for what you had done to her.
“I thought the ache would linger forever, Wanda.” You continued, taking a sharp breath. “I didn’t know I’d ever be capable of loving someone again… Only so much deeper. Deeper than I even thought possible.”
You could see the way she stopped breathing for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure how serious you were. “What does that-”
“It was that smile… The first time I saw it, I knew I wanted to see it for the rest of my life.” You softly tugged her closer. “It was never a question, Wanda… I was just too scared to let go. To step into the daylight when I had spent so long being comfortable in the dark.”
Her eyes watered, and you felt panic begin to rise in your throat because maybe you waited too long. Maybe she realized that it wasn’t worth waiting for you to finally see what she had known all along. Maybe she was tired of waiting for you to realize how stupid you would be to walk away from something so pure. To realize how stupid, you were to think even for a moment that she wasn’t the actual love of your-
Your brain short circuited when she placed her hands on the back of your neck and pulled you into her lips. You sighed contently against her as your mind finally slowed down enough to allow yourself to bask in the warmth of her love.
Your mind – your heart – seemed to only be capable of functioning around her.
Without hesitation, your arms wrapped around her waist tightly and pulled her as close as you possibly could. You gave yourself over to her entirely. You had never wanted anyone like this before.
All you wanted to know was Wanda. All you wanted to see was Wanda. All you wanted to love was Wanda. She was… everything.
With the fog finally lifted you could see that your heart had belonged to her since the moment she sat across from you in that café and there would have been no coming back. Letting her walk away would have been the greatest regret of your life.
Wanda was home.
When you finally pulled away you couldn’t help the goofy smile that spread across your lips. Wanda smiled back at you and your heart ached in the best way possible. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”
“It’s just all so clear now. You’re daylight. I don’t need anything else now that I have you.” The way her eyes twinkled made your smile widen. “I love you.”
Wanda just stared at you for a moment, her eyes shining so bright they rivaled the morning sun. The sight made your heart flutter happily against your rib cage. “You said it.” She breathed out quietly.
Your stomach flipped at her words. “It was long overdue.” Your palm raised to slid tenderly over her cheek. “I love you. I am so, so… so in love with you, Wanda Maximoff.”
The sound of her breath hitching filled the quiet room. “Say it again.”
You smiled. “I love you, I love you, I love y-”
As the phrase was falling from your lips, your words were interrupted by the woman before you. “I love you, too.” A breathless laugh fell from her lips. “I’ve been waiting to hear those words. To know that you love me back. To know that you feel the way I do.”
You lightly pressed your forehead against hers. “I may have gotten a little lost along the way, but I’ve found my way home.”
Wanda lips turned up slightly in a confused smirk. “You’ve been home.”
“No, I haven’t.” You licked your lips. “Home is your eyes looking back at me, home is the way your nose scrunches when you're happy, home is the way you laugh. Home is waking up in your arms every morning. Home is wherever you are… You are home to me, Wanda.”
“Y/n…” She whispered, her hands bunching into the front of your shirt.
You rested your forehead against hers. “Loving you was always easy. Even when it shouldn’t have been. And I know it will always be easy to love you, no matter what. You are my home, Wanda Maximoff. And you are my heart.”
Wanda leaped into your arms and you stumbled back slightly as she connected her lips to your and your heart exploded. The only life worth living would be a life you spent with Wanda.
Thankfully, that was exactly the life you ended up living.
Surprise, Team Wanda! An alternate ending to hopefully easy the damage I caused to your hearts last week. This was always in the plans because I knew I couldn't hurt you guys. I just wanted the true ending to have it's moment. So Leigh's ending is the ending, but if you're team Wanda... You can pretend it's this one instead. Huge shoutout to @mionemymind for helping me out of my writer's block and encouraging me! and @abimess for the constant motivation!
I hope you all enjoyed! Would love to hear your thoughts and comments as they are always welcome. :)
Tag List: @khiaraaa-in-spacee // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @halobaby // @madamevirgo // @aimezvousbrahms // @trikruismybitch // @marvels-writings // @izalesbean // @imdreamingblo // @i-choose-you-cyndaquil // @helloalycia // @scarlets-maximoff // @cantcontroltheirfear // @women-am-i-right // @funnysoldier // @myfavoriteficss // @imapotatao // @imagine-reblog // @blackxwidowsxwife // @purplemeetsblue // @cristin-rjd // @ravens-ss // @legaypandaboi // @myperfectlovepoem // @diaryoflife // @stupidsapphicsstuff // @ouat2017 // @abimess // @wellsayhelloaagin
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zoeykallus · 4 months ago
Crosshair -My Beloved Enemy 9 – The Bitter Taste Of Blood And Failure
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Crosshair x Female!Reader (FF)
Warnings: Cursing/Hurt/Tension/Argument/Jealousy/Angry Crosshair/ Violence/ Blood/ Injury
What Happened Before:
Part 1 - Crash Landing
Part 2 - Hot And Cold
Part 3 - Hello Kitten
Part 4 - Look Who’s Back
Part 5 - Rebel Darling
Part 6 - Burning Anger
Part 7 - Love And Pain
Part 8 - A Difficult Reunion
Part 9 – The Bitter Taste Of Blood And Failure
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The tension in the room was almost unbearable, you could feel it crackling on your skin. You knew that the situation would escalate and you had no idea if you could defuse it. You didn't want them to fight, to hurt each other, especially not because of you. For Corsshair, reintegration into the group was hard enough as it was.
You jumped up and stood between them.
"Cross, please don't do this. We already talked about it, he apologized, deleted the video and he knows it was wrong."
Crosshair growled, "Of course he knows that, he knew it before he did it, yet it happened!"
The sniper had a point, of course, but Tech was not a villain but one of his brothers who had suffered a weak moment and regretted it.
Tech wanted to push you aside so you wouldn't get caught in the middle, but you didn't let him and shook his hands off.
"You should back off a bit, Y/N," he said calmly.
Crosshair grumbled, "We actually agree on that for once".
"No," you said defiantly "You idiots are not going to fight here and now!"
"Maybe we should go outside," suggested Tech.
"I didn't mean it that way! You're not going to fight at all!" you protested, annoyed.
Crosshair sighed, grabbed your right wrist, and pulled you along with him.
"What the hell are you doing?", you protested.
He pushed you into your bedroom, gave you a quick kiss, and muttered, "Sorry, feel free to yell at me later if it helps."
He pushed you onto the bed, getting you out of balance so you couldn't follow him so quickly, left the room, closed the door and pulled one of the cables on the locking mechanism. You couldn't open the door anymore.
"CROSSHAIR!" you yelled in anger as well as disbelief.
He had locked you into your own bedroom in your shuttle, for crying out loud.
No one reacted.
You still had a com device in your nightstand, took it out, but the battery was dead and you had no place to charge it in the bedroom. Cursing, you went back to the door, banging on it with your fists until your hands hurt. It seemed like an eternity passed, several minutes anyway, until you heard someone.
It sounded like Echo.
With a sigh of relief you called, "Echo, is that you?"
"Yes. What's wrong?"
"I can't get out, Crosshair locked me in and did something to the door!"
You heard him mutter something, then a click. Finally, the door opened.
"He just pulled out a cable, I fixed it again-"
"No time," you interrupted him "Thanks, but can you please send Hunter and Wrecker outside?"
While you were already opening the hatch, he asked, "What's going on? What's the hurry?"
"Crosshair and Tech are probably fighting right now," you said quickly and slipped through the hatch, still hearing him sigh in annoyance, "Oh boy."
The ramp of the Marauder was open, you ran it down and saw the two of them just a few meters away. They both looked pretty banged up already, both were bleeding on their faces. Crosshair's lower lip was split open, Tech's nose was bleeding, both had several bruises on their faces and their armor was dirty, obviously they must have rolled on the ground at some point. Both men were breathing heavily and staring at each other like lurking predators.
You had never seen Tech like this, the calm, always logical Tech. This was very uncharacteristic of him and it made you sad that you of all people were the reason he was so out of character.
You turned around for just a moment because you heard footsteps on the ramp and saw Hunter, Echo and Wrecker coming out of the ship. But the two brawlers went at each other again and drew your attention back. You had no idea how it happened, but Crosshair was suddenly sitting over Tech who was lying on the ground and punched him a few times.
"STOP IT!" it escaped your lips, startled, much louder than you had planned.
Crosshair still didn't seem to hear you, or he was ignoring you, because he didn't stop. Determined, you hurried toward the two, hearing someone else behind you call your name, as if to stop you. You grabbed Crosshair from behind, wanting to pull him away from Tech, it was enough, they had both taken more than enough and Tech was down.
At the same moment you grabbed around his shoulders, he jerked his arm backwards, in the heat of the moment, caught you hard with an elbow in the face, just below the right eye on your cheekbone. The force of the impact threw you over backwards, making your whole head throb painfully, throwing you onto your back as you landed with the back of your head on the asphalt, knocking you straight out.
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Crosshair only looked over his shoulder for a moment, he had no idea who he had caught with his elbow. But when he saw you lying there and Hunter bending over you, he jumped up, startled, and left Tech lying there.
With a groan, Tech straightened up to sit. He also saw you lying on the ground and cursed.
"What the hell happened?" he asked, wiping some blood from his face with the back of his hand.
"I didn't do it on purpose!" said Crosshair almost panicking "It was in the heat of the moment, she came from behind when we were in the middle of the fight."
Tech shakily straightened up on his legs and came over. Echo joined in and pushed Crosshair as well as Tech away from you.
"You two hold back for now" he growled reprovingly.
Wrecker picked you up off the ground and carried you into the ship, followed closely by Hunter. The sergeant hissed over his shoulder, "We'll talk about that nonsense you two just pulled later."
Tech and Crosshair looked at each other briefly, both remorseful and angry, both looking like they had seen better days.
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As you slowly came to, you felt something cool on your cheek. Your head hurt, throbbing painfully. You opened your eyes and saw Hunter sitting next to you on the edge of your bed, applying ointment to your cheekbone. You also felt something cool on the back of your head, a cooling pad.
"Hey ad'ika. How are you feeling?" the sergeant spoke softly.
You moaned under your breath, "Head hurts."
He nodded and explained, "You have a bump and a small laceration on the back of your head, I've already taken care of that, I'm sure it'll heal up quickly. Crosshair got your cheek good, but the bacta ointment I applied should fix the problem within a short time"
You sighed.
"How are those two idiots doing?" you wanted to know.
"Echo and Wrecker took care of them both. They are more or less fine, the injuries will heal. They've never fought this hard before, but it's not the first time, Crosshair and Tech had clashed a lot as cadets. Never over a woman, though," Hunter told you, laughing softly.
You looked apologetically at the sergeant.
"I'm sorry, somehow I feel it's my fault."
Hunter shook his head, "No, they beat each other up, that was their decision, they decided it themselves. You didn't ask them to do it, and you didn't do anything that directly led to it. Don't worry, they will calm down".
You smiled gratefully at him before asking, "Where are they now?"
"Crosshair is in your kitchen, Tech is in the cockpit of the Marauder. I insisted that the two of them stay out of each other's way for now. By the way, they both have a guilty conscience, especially Crosshair. When I wouldn't let him see you for the time being, he almost started a riot. But Wrecker was able to keep him in check," Hunter told you, looking almost amused.
You let out a sigh.
"Should I tell him you're awake before I go?" he asked.
Uncertainly, you looked at him.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"You should stay down though, you hit your head pretty hard," Hunter reminded you.
"Understood," you said with a wry smile.
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The door to your bedroom opened with a soft hiss.
"Hey Kitten," you heard Crosshair say almost tentatively.
You lay on your side to relieve the back of your head and saw him standing in the doorway.
"Hey," you said softly.
"Can I come in?" he asked cautiously.
"Fine by me," you growled, looking at him reproachfully.
Crosshair approached the bed and sat sideways on the edge so he could look at you.
"How are you feeling?" he asked gently.
A guilty conscience was written all over his face.
"So-so, head still hurts".
He lowered his eyes slightly and mumbled, "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to".
"I know" you returned simply "I'm still pissed".
He sighed softly.
"Can't say I blame you" he admitted.
His face looked battered, he also had ointment on his face and a patch or two. But his condition was his own fault, Tech hadn't started it, he never would have, he had merely faced Crosshair's anger. He could have refused and asked his brother to calm down, but you had no idea if that would have made a difference in the end.
"You're an idiot" you said sternly, pointing to his injured lower lip "No kisses for you for now."
He tentatively touched the injury on his lip and grimaced.
"That's pretty much the worst of it, apart from the fact that I hurt you" he grumbled grudgingly.
Hesitantly, he asked, "Can I lie down with you?"
You shrugged your shoulders.
"If you want."
Crosshair took off his shoes and lay down next to you, with some polite distance, lying on his side to continue looking at you.
"Will you forgive me?" he finally meekly wanted to know.
"That depends"
"On what?" he asked, gently reaching for one of your hands.
"On whether you'll apologize to Tech".
Crosshair stiffened visibly.
"Isn't there anything else I can do to make you forgive me?" he murmured unwillingly.
"No. You started the fight, or rather instigated it."
"But what he did was-"
"Stupid, yes, that may be, but he had already apologized for it and I forgave him, that should have been enough" you interrupted him.
He played with the fingers of your hand, avoiding your gaze.
"But that wasn't enough for me," he finally grumbled.
You sighed in annoyance.
Crosshair rolled his eyes and reluctantly said, "He's my brother, I don't want him to suffer, but I also want him to respect that you and I are together and that he can't do something like that."
"He knows that, it definitely won't happen again. Tech is... different and so much more vulnerable than you or Hunter or Echo or Wrecker because he has a completely different perception and things like that overwhelm him much more quickly. What he can't tackle with logic unsettles him"
"I know," Crosshair grumbled.
There was a knock at the door.
"Can I come in for a minute?" you heard Tech's voice.
Crosshair gritted his teeth but kept his mouth shut. You sat up carefully and saw Tech standing in the open doorway. You didn't know if he heard what you just said, but you guessed he did.
"You should stay down," Tech said worriedly.
Crosshair let go of your hand to sit up on the edge of the bed to look at his brother.
"He's right," he growled softly, looking at Tech.
Tech sighed and said, "I'll be out of your way in a minute, I just wanted to see how she was doing."
Crosshair nodded without comment.
"Headache, but I'll be fine," you explained to Tech.
Tech said "I'm sorry you got caught in the middle".
You nodded silently and watched him turn to leave as Crosshair said, "Wait, Tech."
Astonished, Tech stopped and turned back around.
Crosshair hesitated, but finally said, "I'm sorry I reacted so extremely. And I have to admit, you didn't do such a bad job of throwing punches."
Tech blinked as if he didn't understand what was going on, but after a moment's thought, he realized you must have been talking to the Sniper.
He nodded and said, "I'm sorry, too."
"You should be," Crosshair growled.
"Cross, please," you said quietly but admonishingly.
He looked at you over his shoulder and sighed in surrender.
There was a knock on the hatch and Echo called upstairs.
"Hey guys, Rex is visiting."
Crosshair frowned and asked, "Is he talking about the Reg Captain Rex?"
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fizzyxcustard · 2 months ago
Covert Eyes (6)
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Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5
Fandom: Spooks
Pairings: Lucas North x OC (Amy Holland) eventually
Warnings: Stalking behaviour, anxiety, language, sexual references.
Summary: Lucas takes notice of a young woman, Amy, but his obsession and want to get to know her begin to spiral out of control. Since things have started taking a more serious turn between Lucas and Amy, he realises that his job will always be a problem. He makes a decision which he will later come to regret.
Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. The above image was located on Pinterest, with no link back to the original source.
A quick disclaimer of sorts: I don't know if MI5 really can get into phone call and text data in the manner used in this fic (I would assume they can). I'm making it up as I go along. The security services are hardly going to make their methods public knowledge.
Amy was terrified for the rest of the day, her hands shaking and her heart pounding. Those three words never had any kind of positive impact on a person when spoken or written in text. Can we talk? Neither Amy or Lucas text each other after Amy had simply replied with ‘Yes. Come round when you’re ready.’ 
Would Lucas ever be ready? His mind had been ablaze all afternoon; staying with Amy would always be putting her at risk. She knew nothing of the MI5 life, or so he assumed. If Lucas allowed Amy to remain in his life then he would constantly be looking over his shoulder for her as well. She deserved a man who could keep her safe, and Lucas couldn’t. The very thought of never seeing Amy again made his chest compress, and he dropped back into his seat. His lips quivered as he imagined her beautiful face contorting in anguish. Her insecurity heightened. 
The wait was torture for both of them, but also kept them apart from a moment they were dreading. 
Lucas arrived at Amy’s flat at just after seven and immediately she could sense that their upcoming conversation was not going to be good. She saw him swallow hard upon his first sight of her, and a weak smile curled his lips upwards in an awkward motion. 
“I won’t stay long, but I need to talk about things and where we go from here,” Lucas said, his tone low, and just quivering ever so slightly at the end of the sentence. 
“I understand, Lucas,” Amy said, her voice almost a whisper. “It won’t work out.” 
Lucas’ blue gaze shot upward and locked on hers. “I….” 
“Maybe you should have been honest with me before things changed between us. I honestly thought you liked me and that there was something…” 
Lucas’ face became a mixture of anguish and deep sadness. “I do.” He stepped closer and cupped her cheek, feeling the warmth of her flushed skin against his palm. “You have no idea how much I do. But, my job…It’s unpredictable. I’m here, there and everywhere. It’s just not something I want to put you through.” 
“Why didn’t you ask me how I felt about it, rather than just deciding that this is for the best? I’ve done something wrong and you haven’t even got the decency to tell me…”
“No, it’s not like that!” Lucas growled, gritting his teeth. 
“At least we didn’t go on any longer,” Amy hissed. “Please just leave.” 
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said, his voice cracking. 
Amy could see Lucas’ eyes filling with tears, but she remained composed, despite the pain in her throat becoming unbearable as she held her own tears back. “Please leave me alone.” 
All evening, Amy sat on her sofa, changing between bouts of sobbing and then staring into space. How stupid of her to get pulled down a rabbit hole and be made out to be a fool. No man would ever dare make her a fool again. Her anger raged, and her heart tore further. She had finally let Lucas in, after weeks of hiding away from him, only to be crushed. 
You should have fucking known that your job would be an issue. You fucking arsehole! 
The first two days were the worst, and she remained at home, still off work ‘sick’. Moping around the flat in her jogging bottoms and an old band T-shirt only seemed to extend the sadness and pain. The isolation both helped and made her feel worse. Isolation was something that she had become quite used to, considering that all of her family were up in Coventry, and Amy only really had friends from work. All of her long-time friends were spread out across the country, and had their own lives to lead, most of them having children and partners. 
Amy stared at the Dairy Milk which was taking up space in her fridge and growled at it. Then she grabbed it and threw it in the bin with a loud thump. 
She imagined people’s response to her if she told them about Lucas. You didn’t know him that long. You only ‘dated’ for a couple of days. That was all beside the point in Amy’s mind. Why had Lucas gone along with the tide of feelings that had started to form? If he knew that his job was a problem, he should have stopped immediately and refrained from heading towards a place which would only be painful to return from. 
The temptation had become too strong as Lucas opened his work laptop and typed in Amy’s phone number, generating her call history and text details. It had been three days now since he seen her in person, and fuck, he missed her. He knew he was an absolute arsehole and deserved to be shot for what he had done, but Amy’s wellbeing was at the centre of his decision. 
“Why didn’t you ask me how I felt about it, rather than just deciding that this is for the best?”
Was that really the course of action that he should have taken? To talk to her, explain his job to her. But it went against the code of conduct. Intelligence officers had to keep their job role private, and so far, Lucas hadn’t been involved with anyone who was outside his work life. Amy was completely set apart from the world he was used to. She fed him that normality that he wanted. He wanted a woman who was untainted by the horrors of the job. 
Lucas read Amy’s message to a phone number that was saved as ‘Debbie’, her co-worker.
Babe, if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. I know you really liked him, but I’m sure you’ll find someone even better. 
Lucas scoffed at Debbie’s message. In his own mind, and in his own selfishness, Lucas didn’t want Amy to find someone else. 
He continued on through the text messages, and then found the last one which Amy had sent to Debbie. 
I’m going to go out after work tomorrow, probably straight after and do some shopping. Maybe even go and see a film. I need to get out of my flat for a bit.
The following day soon came, and Lucas waited over the street from Amy’s work place. It was just after five, her usual time of finishing. Employees filed out of the side door, and amongst all the bodies was Amy. She was chatting with a middle aged woman; probably Debbie, Lucas thought. Even from this distance, he could see the dark circles around her eyes. She looked pale and drawn. 
He followed. Keeping a few hundred yards behind, but with her in eyesight. Her short stature moved between tall and short figures. Lucas had learned long ago to tune everyone else out and just keep his target in sight. Everything else turned to black and white as the target remained in colour. 
Inside a small shopping mall area, Lucas followed Amy into a clothing shop. He noticed that she seemed to look behind her every few minutes. Did she sense someone’s eyes on her? 
Amy started off by looking at the handbags, considering buying a smaller one. If there was one thing she hated, it was carrying large bags around with her. But the more she tried to carry light, the more she failed. Purse, keys, mobile phone, notebook, pens, a book to read. It all had to be in her handbag. None of these that she was viewing seemed to be anywhere near the right size. She began contemplating which items to leave out so she could take a smaller bag. It was futile. Everything had to stay. Nothing could be thrown out. 
Music was playing overhead. The Police. Every breath you take, and every move you make. Every bond you break, every step you take. I’ll be watching you. She had always hated that song for some reason. It was a dirge that really ground on her nerves. 
It happened again. A strong sense of someone watching. Fuck off, Sting! His words were apt. Amy looked around behind, her eyes grazing over rails of clothing. There was no one that she could say looked suspicious. A couple of young women talking to one of the staff members. A couple who looked in their forties, and the man looking particularly weary. 
An hour later and Amy sat down to a meal in the food court. She opted for a roast meal, with plenty of gravy and roast potatoes. With a big glass of Coke. Maybe even a dessert later. She’d stopped caring about watching her waist size. 
Lucas sat on the other side of the court, his eyes trained like a hawk. He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through Facebook, checking on Amy’s statuses and posts. There seemed to be a few more of them of late. One caught his eye straight away, a personal status, not something re-posted. 
When you open up to someone and they just shit on you. 
There was a flurry of comments beneath; some people’s names Lucas had never seen before. Probably the people who only appeared with someone else is having a hard time so they can inwardly gloat. People are cruel. He then noticed a man’s photo second from the bottom of the list of names from comments. 
One man’s loss is another man’s gain. Chin up, sweetheart. Maybe I can come and make you smile. 
A man named Daniel ‘BossBoi’ Hayes. Sounded like a complete twat from that profile name in Lucas’ opinion. Who was he? More research needed, Lucas thought. Then he looked up to see Amy moving. 
Lucas followed Amy for the rest of the evening. After sitting through a two hour Marvel film, Lucas let her go at the tube station. He couldn’t be seen getting on the same train as her, but maybe he could hover behind and wait for the next one; stick around by the escalator until he knew she had gone off the platform. So that was what he did. 
By the time that she had emerged out of her destination station and exited, Lucas wasn’t far behind. He ran up the escalator, almost shoving a couple of people down the steps. Outside the station, he decided to take a de tour and run, maybe ‘accidentally’ bumping into her. 
Amy pulled her arms around herself and looked up at the night sky, watching the stars twinkle overhead. She began to hope, like a child, that a shooting star would stream across the heavens and give her a wish. Just one. To that day, she still always wished on a shooting star. 
Suddenly Amy heard her name being said, in a quiet, but surprised tone. Her thoughts had been so caught in that wish, that she never saw Lucas to her left, coming from the adjoining street. She looked at him and felt her breath catch tight. Fuck, he was so gorgeous. “Hello,” she said simply.
“How are you?” Lucas asked, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Can I walk with you?” 
“I suppose so,” Amy shrugged. 
Lucas could see that she was closed down again. She wasn’t going to break as easily as before. Their last encounter had made her put those walls up, possibly even higher. “Look, I’m sorry for…”
“Please, don’t,” she said, stopping him abruptly. “You made your point, and I don’t want to go over it again. Fine, you’re sorry. Let’s brush everything under the carpet and hope that it goes away, and we can just go back to being strangers again.” 
“Not like this. Not out here.” 
“You’re not coming into my flat, Lucas. I’m done with all of this.” Amy threw her hands up for emphasis and walked quicker, trying to give Lucas the hint to leave her alone. 
Lucas grabbed her arm. “Please, listen.” 
“To what? You keep telling me that your job will keep us apart?”
Lucas could see the anger building in Amy’s eyes, the passion in her words burning in her whole face. 
“You’ve said your piece, and I’m just meant to go back now and forget a man who I had feelings for and who I….” Tears were in her eyes now and she scrubbed angrily at them with her sleeve. “You might entertain the idea of having one night stands and brief encounters, but I don’t. I was so stupid letting you in.”
“Aim? I want to tell you the truth,” Lucas said. He brushed her arm and held it for a few seconds. “There are things about me that I want to make clear to you, things that I should have been honest about from the start. But I couldn’t be.”
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l-artemisia-del-secolo · 11 months ago
That time of the month
Yelena Belova X reader, one shot, angst+fluff, mentions of Red Room methods of control, dealing with their consequences, overall a heavy topic
You had that feeling every month. Yelena was hiding something from you. Something very personal. Something after all this time you didn't deserve to hear. For a few days she was quiet, distant, cold. Your clingy girlfriend was turning into someone else. You didn't know that version of Yelena. That one wasn't yours. And she didn't allow you to change that.
Sometimes she was on the missions during those days. You hated yourself for thinking that was a relief. A relief from a woman you wanted to spend your life with.
You remembered vividly when this happened for the first time. Your first month together. Every time you touched her that day she flinched. Your Yelena didn't want you. And that was hurtful.
Other than these few days you had perfect relationship. You both wanted to have a home, a family, white fence. A cliche fucking fence. You wanted a life together. You two, your dogs, maybe a parrot. Who knew.
Maybe it was all your fault. You were not supportive enough, not open enough. Not dying for Yelena enough.
You met on a rainy day in a coffee shop with her colleagues, damn dark avengers, daring her to approach you. Any other person would get a cold smile and idontcarewhoyouarenoidontwanttohaveagoodtime. But you've noticed her before she even looked at you. With her weirdly low voice and a confusing laugh. And apparently with both a knife and a multitool sticking out of her vest.
On your first date Yelena brought you to a race track. 'cause you mentioned you've never ridden a bike. Sure, she had a BMW, modified by some genius. You were driving a Peugeot.
On a second date she brough you to the shooting range. Before that you shot from a slingshot once or twice in your childhood.
On a third date there was an attack on the facility. She had to go. After the attack she went to your apartment and stayed there. It's been 4 months.
You were so different, but managed to be a perfect match.
She even introduced you to her family. Weird and, well, Russian. Allowed you to walk her dog and even wear her vest.
She loved you. But your Yelena loved you. Not that distant one.
You had a guess. of course you did. But that was a vague answer. The one you didn't want to say out loud.
For 4 months not once did you notice Yelena having "that time of month". Not a single word or sign. She could have had them on her missions, while she was away. While she was saving a world. You tried to ask once, but she quickly brushed it off
Your Yelena would tell you if there was something. You were sure.
Until one day you felt a familiar pain. You could swear someone was squeezing everything inside. Luckily Yelena was near. Burning your neck with her breath. one of calmer nights or mornings rather. without nightmares or muffled screams.
You groaned. Your periods have always been so painful. First day almost unbearable.
"are you all right?" Of course Yelena woke up.
"no, I'm..." Another spasm.
And than Yelena got it. Your painkiller. It was on her side of the bed, 'cause of the recent injury.
She gave it to you. "Don't drink them, until I get you some water."
You could hear her walking barefoot to the kitchen, trying not to wake up Fanny.
Two minutes and she was with you. Stroking your hair, kissing your palms. She would always do that. Her ritual.
You took the tablet.
"I'm so sorry I woke you up." You could feel your body heating up.
"it's ok, babe. I know how it's for you. Do you want anything else?"
"No, it's fine. I guess I need to go to the gynecologist. Maybe she would recommend me something. Pain is getting worse every time"
"Sure. I'll go with you."
"maybe I should go to a different doctor. Which one do you go to?"
Yelena froze. She stopped caressing you. A familiar feeling. Those days. Cold days.
"Babe..." You kissed her cheek to get attention.
"Yeah. I was just... You know, I'll ask Kate if she could..."
"Sure. But I was asking you, babe. Where did you go the last time you did a check up? Or you have one at your facility?"
"Нет (no), нет (no), у нас нет (we don't have one)."
Something was very wrong. With you Yelena was using Russian very rarely. When she was mad or... lost. Like that one time she didn't understand your interaction with a friend and got jealous. Or when Fanny had a surgery after an accident with a bulldog.
"i... Well ... Просто (just) I don't do check ups"
"what?" You were not hearing it right. Yelena is in her top form. She has to be. Her organism has to be in perfect condition.
"мне не нужно (no need)."
"how is that possible?"
You didn't want to push her. Be nosy.
"hey, babygirl." You cautiously took her hand and stroked it. "Remember. It's your safe place."
"Yeah." She smiled weakly. "And you're my safe person."
You had this conversation before. Many times. Piece by piece she was telling you about her past. Blood on her ledgers. That's her term. At first you were terrified. But day by day, story by story you taught herself to understand her and never to judge.
"Do you want to call Fanny to lay with us?"
"No, I'll be fine."
You expected her to get up and add the distance between you two. But she did the opposite. She hugged you and started talking.
"I've told you about the Red Room. You know what I've been through. Physical, psychological torture. Humiliation and manipulation. We were mindless robots. And you know what a robot doesn't need?."
She let out a bitter laugh. "I never specifically told you what they did to us. What would be the point? Напугать тебя или надавить на жалость? (To scare you or to make you feel sorry?). Нас бы это убило (this would kill is). Well, attachments and feelings. You see where I'm going with this?"
Yelena looked you in the eyes. Hers filled with tears and sadness. She was afraid. She never told this story to anyone outside the Red Room. She lived with this. Not a burden. But rather a fact. Reality. Truth. Days of the months when she felt nothing.
You slowly nodded. Your Yelena was lost. And she was lost even when she was with you. And you didn't see that.
"They call it a церемония (ceremony). Hysterectomy. No emotions, no desires, no problems." Yelena sobbed. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before. You have a right to know."
You did have a right to know. Sure. But that wasn't the thing that mattered now. Somehow you already thought of that. Somewhere deep inside, barely a though but a sensation. But now, hearing it from her broke your heart, tore your nerves apart and took away your peace.
"It's.. it's not about me." You tried really hard to sound confident. "Babygirl, I... I won't say that I understand what you've been through or what you feel. But I swear I'll be there for you. It's our family, our pack, our fence. Remember, we're each others life."
How cheap it all sounded. You knew that. Yelena knew that. You took her face in your hands, touched her forehead with yours and whispered. "You're my Yelena. We're gonna go through this together. You're not alone."
"you sure you want me like this?"
"there's no like this. Just my Yelena"
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lavandermin · 7 months ago
from sea of flowers, garden of eternity 『4』 | xiao
pairing | xiao/reader
word count | 1.6k
genre | soft fluff, slight angst, developing relationship
warnings | mentions of blood, vague suggestiveness if you squint
[previous] [next, coming soon]
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Your voice would not always reach him—this Xiao painfully learned the hard way. But, ever the diligent one, he actively looked for a way to change that.
Quiet footsteps patter on the floor accompanied by the tender melody of little bells. It’s a sound Xiao first thought was ridiculous when the suggestion was proposed by Cloud Retainer. But now, it’s become an endearing part of you that he locks away in his closed off heart as a favorite detail to remember.
“Xiao?” He hears you call just as you set foot into the room he resides in.
The adeptus’ eyes flicker over to you, and a brief fondness flashes across them at the soft jingle from the little bells that hang from your collar as you come to a halt. You remind him of a cat like this. Ever curious, ever endearing.
Completely ruling over his heart as much as he may not know it.
He hums to let you know he’s listening, eyes closed as he rests on a lounge chair in the living room.
There’s a slight drag of your feet, minor hesitation in every other step you take. With enhanced adeptal senses, it’s a little easier to pick up on.
Step. Step. Twinkle of a bell, just a little louder than the others. Step. Pause. Step. Step.
“What is it? Something wrong?” Xiao asks, eyes opening to meet your subtly shy expression.
Your hand goes to rub at the delicate fabric over your thigh in small circles, easing some of the tingling pain that was starting. The mumble is soft, slightly embarrassed and strained, “Adeptal energy… imbalance…”
“Come here,” he indicates, voice soft as he holds a hand out invitingly.
The little bells around your neck jingle happily as you make your way over and sit in his lap. A bold move on your part, if he was being honest. He notes how easily your legs give out as soon as you are on him.
Again… You had tried to withstand the pain for as long as you could again.
“Again?” Xiao more so states than asks. He sighs out through his nose, a little irked at your failure to heed his warnings.
You gnaw your lip, casting down your gaze as guilt pricks your conscience.
It’s quiet— the sigh your solem guardian releases. He’s not upset, not really. There’s only ever worry for your safety and the fear of your fragile life withering away from one overseen detail.
He couldn’t bear to lose you.
The minutes tick by in silence, your face buried in his shoulder as his hand rests between your bare shoulder blades. A warmth pulses from his palm to your very being’s core. It’s painfully slow, but a pleasant idleness nonetheless.
“I’m sorry,” you mumble into his shoulder after a while.
Comfort was never Xiao’s area of expertise. Still, he only takes a few moments to carefully select his words.
“No, you did… well. You approached me to ask for help.” His other free hand rubs soothing little circles on the thigh that straddles him. “You’re doing well.”
Though the gentleness of his words strike a chord in your naive heart, it’s a sweet moment that is quickly soured. You wince at a sudden spike of pain in your legs, collar ringing a soft melody from the sudden jerk. The pain is sudden, a little unbearable, but easily washes over and away.
These aren’t alarming, nor are they anything new. They're simply routine day to day issues you encounter. Xiao is always sure to hold you through it with his best shot at reassurance.
“Are you certain this isn’t too… excruciatingly slow…?” Xiao asks carefully, focus diligently unbroken where the skin of his fingertips meets yours.
“I should be fine in a few minutes.”
You sit back with a reassuring smile as you readjust the sash of your intricate garment. If your body was mostly stable by now, then it would be safe to say you had about half a day before the pain came back. Though his mind was filled with doubt, his heart wanted to trust your judgement.
It’s quiet throughout the little cottage as he gets ready to set off into his nightly routine. Long since had you gone to sleep among a sea of warm blankets. The adeptus had promised to come keep watch after his duties were over, only to receive that grateful smile he longed for.
“I’ll leave a bath prepared for you, in case you decide to join me in bed,” you had suggested, cheeks dusted a lovely shade of red at your vague proposal.
A silent nod was his answer, ears warmer by the second as he turned to leave.
The night is as clear and unbroken as the surface of a lake's water in the winter. And among the evil forces that have been subdued, Xiao stands staring at the moon’s reflection on the water’s surface. There was a faint trace of worry, only confirmed by the distant sounds of your collar bells.
‘A collar whose sound one may gently hear from across the lands of Teyvat when it’s wearer is in dire need,’ Cloud Retainer had briefly described.
It’s faint—intermingling with the night breeze like a windchime’s melody. The sound of little bells rang like a distant thought, a distressed summoning from an unfortunate victim.
Your voice never came. It left him with gnawing worry.
In the blink of an eye he had vanished from the overgrown marshland and was by your side in an instant. This energy was supposed to last another 6 hours, so why?
“I’m here— I’m here now, what happened?” He holds your hand as you lay in a sea of messy blankets, breathing ragged.
There are shimmering tears in your eyes, voice stolen from you as pain overtakes you once more. And you’re paler, dulling like a flower wilting in a harsh winter. Even with his gloves between your skin and his, he can feel an alarming cold that has begun to settle into your body.
Glove between his teeth, Xiao quickly removes it and undoes your sash. You’re left bare and heaving ragged breaths, vision almost blurring from the intensity of the pain that feels like a scorching fire throughout each nerve.
And with a desperate whisper he can’t help but wonder, “Why?”
Despite the deafening alarms that set off in your head, the ringing in your ears, and the all-consuming pain, your hand shakily reaches for his face. All he can do is hold your hand against his cheek in reassurance. Your other hand shakily reaches to intermingle into his locks.
With little force, he goes easily against your lips where you need him. There’s a small gasp from you as a warmth spreads through your body, a warmth he can feel beneath his fingertips. A sign of a quick stabilization. And despite it all, he can’t bring himself to stop his lips— his body— from indulging in you.
Your lips are soft, dewy and delicate against his. The small gasp you let out allowed him to go deeper into your heart as he hesitantly slips his tongue against yours.
When he pulls away with quickening breaths, he swipes his ungloved thumb over your lips. It was a little sloppy given his inexperience and yet your eyes had never looked so love-sick. Utterly smitten.
There’s a faint glow that you faintly emanate as the moon filters through the window. A full feeling of a sated soul— the radiant glow of a nurtured glaze lily.
Ah. So that’s what you were missing. Love.
You pull him quickly back against your lips once more, your eyes widening slightly as if you couldn’t believe your own body reacting to its own needs. It left a pleasant tingle on your lips, one you curiously touched with your fingertips in wonder.
All the while the adeptus is surprisingly composed— tips of his ears a little red from feelings he doesn’t know what to do with but is relieved you’re stable nonetheless. If a kiss was all it took to keep you safe and sound then he would gladly oblige.
In a corner of his mind he remembers Zhongli’s words, ‘The flora of this world are just as intricate as mortals. They need nourishment to grow, yes, but each needs their own specialty to prosper. For the glaze lily, this is songs and melodies. Y/n is a being born of flora and energy— attuned to your own as you well know. The melody she has come to love and need is that of your soul’s wavelength. Do not be surprised if further down the road energy alone won’t suffice.’
‘She is no different than a gentle flower, with a few more complicated emotions. Take care of her well.’
“Xiao.” Your voice gently tugs him out of his thoughts, your thumb gently brushing over his cheekbone. “You’re bleeding.”
It’s a crashing reality to remember where he came from, what his current reality still is. In an instant he catches sight of the blood that has stained his clothes. From the frantic state of his arrival, he had even managed to stain your nightgown— the sheets— with small blooms of crimson. The concern in your eyes pulls the strings of his heart in a sweet melody he’s still unaccustomed to.
He’s going insane, Xiao thinks.
“It’s not mine,” the adeptus clarifies with a sigh, unable to meet your eyes. What was this feeling? Embarrassment? Caught in such a disheveled appearance before you. He’s hardly ever experienced such confounding emotions before.
You hum, shakily sitting up on the bed. The gentle squeeze you give his hand reassures him in the slightest.
“How about I run us a new warm bath?”
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lin-nin · 10 months ago
Tribulation & Tenderness - Chapter 13
Ship: Main Technoblade x Reader, some Dream x Reader Plot: You're a princess in a Kingdom suffering a years long famine. In a     desperate attempt to help your people, you accept one simple offer: Marriage to the crown prince of a neighboring kingdom. Anything to help your people survive. Surely it can't be too bad, can it? Chapter List: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Disclaimer:   Cross-posted on Wattpad (discontinued) and Ao3. This is based off of everyone's CHARACTERS. I do not write fanfic based off the actual people.
Chapter 13: Until My Heart Stops Beating
< | Previous Chapter
The rest of the day prior to your wedding was spent in partial tension. You never found out what the favor Techno had called for was exactly, but you didn’t mind. Truthfully, you were increasingly more focused on your wedding. It was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time, and you practically had to force yourself to sleep that night. You awoke far earlier than normal because of it, moving around your room anxiously.
You eventually lowered yourself into your bath, taking care to make sure you were clean. You let the steam from the water curl around you, sighing and trying your best to relax. Thinking about today caused your stomach to erupt in butterflies and a smile to spread across your face. You truly hoped today went well. Eventually you stood up, stepping out of the tub and sliding into a shift.
There was a soft knock on your door after a few moments of you just sitting, and you called whoever it was in. Eret slid into the room, offering you a smile. A bundle of white fabric sat in his arms, and a few servants followed behind him with various things. “Good morning to our bride,” He practically cooed, motioning towards a servant to the table between chairs. She followed, setting down a tray where he pointed. She hurriedly bowed, leaving the room soon after. You watched Eret settle the fabric onto your bed, the remaining servants following in setting down boxes of other stuff. He sent them off, before turning to you.
“Morning Eret,” You murmured, returning his earlier smile. He seemed content, motioning towards the tray of food.
“Go ahead and eat, we’ll start with your hair. Are you nervous?” You reached for the cup of tea, bringing it to your lips and adjusting yourself so Eret had access to your hair.
“Very. Also excited, but I imagine it’s to be expected,” You managed to explain, letting Eret run a brush through your hair. You took your time with the food, enjoying the way Eret tended to your appearance. You didn’t normally allow yourself to get pampered like this, so you wouldn’t mind doing it this once. 
“I imagine so. It’ll all go fine, though. It’ll probably go by better than you expect.” He made sure your hair was laying perfectly, humming under his breath as he did.
“Hopefully it goes smoothly, I do have some concerns though,” You sighed out the words, thinking about Dream. You hoped he would behave, truly. You would be extremely upset if he didn’t.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Eret reassured. You watched him move towards the fabric on the bed, peering at the lace he picked up. The veil. Your stomach erupted into nervous butterflies at the sight of it, examining delicate lace as he brought it over. The edges were thorned vines, leaves of white lace lying beneath light blue ribbon roses. You marveled it as he brought it close, unable to help your smile.
“You really outdid yourself,” You couldn’t stop the praise from leaving your mouth, reaching out to run your fingers along it.
“Just wait until you see the full dress. Turn your head.” You did as he instructed, turning away from him so he could start setting the pins of the veil into your hair. The lace tickled your shoulders, but you did your best to keep still. He softly grasped your shoulders once he was finished, giving them a squeeze. You turned to look at him, and he smiled at you. He disappeared to the bed once more, rustling through the boxes and bringing one over. You peered into it curiously, eyeing the roses inside. They were fresh, white ones from the garden. You laughed softly, turning to face him so he could situate them in your hair.
Eret lined them up along the edge of your veil, making sure they sat perfectly in your hair. The pins would be a pain to take out later tonight, but you didn’t entirely mind it right now. “Are you finished eating?” He questioned once he finished, moving to grab another box before you replied. You nodded when he returned, watching him pull out kohl from the box.
You instinctively closed your eyes, letting him line them with the makeup without question. He softly murmured when you were good to open them. He took his time applying a stain to your cheeks and lips, stepping back to examine his work. He sighed softly, smiling at you. “You’re going to be a vision,” He murmured, making your cheeks flush.
“You think so?” You questioned, acutely aware of the fluttering of your stomach.
“I know so. Come on, let’s get you in your dress.” He motioned you to stand up, and you did so on shaking legs. The anxiety regarding your marriage was starting to leak through now, and you couldn’t hide it. Eret offered you a reassuring look, sorting through the bundles of fabric settled on your bed. He grabbed one of sections of fabric, holding it out to you. You examined it, easily identifying the petticoat and slipping it on over your shift.
Next he moved towards you, holding out another section of fabric. The actual dress. The sleeves were made of tulle, a light blue in color, flaring out away from ribbon roses at the elbows made to match the ones on your veil. The base of the dress was simple. White, with a deep scooping neckline. He helped guide it over your head, situating it around your shift. You couldn’t help but watch as he adjusted the tulle on the skirt. Ribbon Roses decorated the scalloped edges of the tulle, exposing the white skirt beneath. 
The stay was next, matching the dress with the white fabric embroidered delicately with blue roses. Eret’s brows were furrowed as he meticulously tightened the ribbons on it, making sure it sat perfectly. Once he had, he stepped back to examine you with a soft sigh. You flushed a little beneath the appraising gaze. He moved around again, grabbing a simple pair of shoes and stooping to slide them onto your feet. Moving in the dress almost felt weird, despite it not being too different in make than your most formal dresses. Perhaps it felt heavy with the meaning.
“One last touch,” Eret said, moving towards the final box on the bed. You had given him the earrings Techno gave you, as well as the necklace from Dream, for him to keep a hold of until today. You knew that was what sat within the box, watching him gingerly pick up the necklace to drape it around your neck. He tilted your head, sliding in the earrings and stepping back to give you a full look over.
“Oh, you’re gonna be the envy of so many,” He praised, and you shifted almost self consciously. The fact that you were wearing this dress caused you to fidget nervously.
“It doesn’t feel real,” You murmured, shifting around to search out the mirror you had. The rustling of your skirts felt loud in your ears, eyes roving over your appearance. It felt like something from a book, something so etherally unreal. 
“It is, I promise. I’ll go get your brother,” He whispered, stepping towards the door. You watched him, before turning your eyes back to your reflection. What would today hold for you? The ceremony was straight forward, but the celebration itself felt so unsure. Anything could happen.
A soft knock resounded at your door, causing you to turn once more. George pushed open the door, carefully shutting it behind him. He stared at you for several long moments, seeming at a loss for words. It was probably weird, seeing you about to be married.
“It’s so hard to believe you’re my baby sister,” He practically echoed your thoughts, walking towards you. You laughed softly, nodding along.
“I guess I’m really not a baby anymore, am I?” You questioned, watching as he placed his hands on your shoulders. You leaned ever so slightly into the touch, a smile tugging your lips.
“No. Are you sure you still want this?” He watched you closely, looking for any change in your expression.
“Of course. Techno is kind, and his family is enjoyable. I have easily found friends here, and I know I can just as easily make a happy life. I will always miss you and Dream, but we’ll all move on.” You gently grabbed one of his hands, squeezing it tightly. George smiled, seeming almost sad.
“The castle won’t ever be the same. You’ve grown up so much.” He returned the squeeze, and you could only nod. You did yearn for the ease you felt of your teenage years in the castle. The lack of responsibilities you had felt, being able to run around and goof off with Dream. However you felt more freedom now than you had there. It was a new feeling, but a welcome one.
“I’ll miss some parts of it, but I’m excited for my future here. Everyone is so kind,” You constantly reassured him, letting him move you away from the mirror.
“Eret said he was going to check on Technoblade, but he’d tell us when everything was ready. Are you ready for this?” He settled into one of the chairs, pulling you into the one beside him.
“As ready as I can be. I’m nervous. There’s a lot happening today,” You folded your hands in your lap, legs bouncing.
“I can imagine. You put a lot of work into planning this, didn’t you?” You sat up straight, having problems trying to relax. The nerves were unbearable.
“Sort of, I just had input. Eret handled a lot of the main plans. Him, Wilbur, and Nihachu deserve more credit than I do.” You could hardly take any of the responsibility. You didn’t put in much actual work, just feedback. 
“Still, it’s not everyday you get married. Everything will go fine,” George reassured, giving you a smile. Truly, you didn’t know what you would do without him. Probably fall apart, you imagined. The two of you chattered softly as you waited, George attempting to keep your nerves soothed. It wasn’t too long before there was a knock at the door, Eret popping his head in.
“Everything’s ready now. Are you ready?” His voice was gentle, and you offered a soft smile. 
“As ready as I can be,” You sighed, standing up. George followed, lingering right beside you.
“You know where to go, right? I’ll go ahead and wait there, give the two of you a few more moments,” Eret spoke softly, as if anything louder would break the calmness. You appreciated it, whispering your thanks as he left. George turned to you, taking your hands in his.
“The wedding will go wonderfully, I know it. Mom and Dad send their best wishes. It’s hard to believe my baby sister is all grown up and getting married now.” The way he spoke and squeezed your hands had tears springing to your eyes. They threatened to spill as he pulled you in for a hug, kissing your forehead. You carefully laid your head against his shoulder, clinging to him.
“I’m really going to miss our garden walks,” you whispered, and he nodded.
“I will too. Don’t keep them waiting, though. I don’t want your husband to come looking for you.” George finally pulled away from you, leading you towards the door to your room. You followed, taking a deep breath. Silence lapsed between the pair of you as you wandered down the hallway and stairs. You were led through the courtyard, towards the garden. Nerves pooled in your stomach, and you hoped it didn’t show.
George gripped your hand in reassurance, walking with you down the path. Eyes were on you, and you were very aware of it. Among those eyes, though, were Techno’s. At the other end of the aisle. Hands folded in front of him, a pale cape fastened around his shoulders. A blue sash was tied around his waist, similar in color to the blue accents on your dress. The emerald rose brooch sat against the stark white of his shirt, clearly visible from the other end. The black prongs of his crown stood tall, a heavy contrast to the pink locks fanned around it. His braid was ornamented with gold chains, jewels interspersed within the chains.
In short, he was definitely a regal sight standing there. You were reluctant to let go of George’s hand in exchange for Techno’s, yet did all the same. You briefly watched your brother move away, taking a spot beside Dream. You watched your friend for a few moments, shifting beneath his gaze. His gaze was dark, and he offered you a smile. You supposed it was meant to be encouraging, but it never quite reached his eyes. You didn’t care to think too much on it, attention focusing back in on Techno.
He was staring down at you, a soft look in his brown eyes. That helped quell the nerves in your chest, and you offered him a smile as soft as the look he gave you. A moment of peace, almost to yourselves, as the Officiant was droning on beside the two of you.
“...to unite two separate souls into that of one. This braid of ribbon will signify their unity and bind them together, from now until eternity.” The man lifted a thick braid of ribbon, made of three colors: red, white, and black. Small vines of flowers were interwoven with it, and it was certainly pretty. Techno kept one hand with yours, the other taking one end of the ribbon braid from the wrinkled hand holding it out to him.
“Do you swear, on all that you hold dear, that you will protect this woman with your entire being? That you will give her everything you have, in wealth and love?” He rattled as Techno began gingerly weaving the braid around your joined hands. It caused butterflies to stir in your stomach, just watching it. His eyebrows were even knitted together in concentration, the very tip of his tongue peaking out of his mouth. 
“I swear on it all, that I will care for her until I draw my last breath.” There was a warmth to his voice that had your cheeks flushing, a smile tugging the corners of your lips up further. You carefully took the braid from him when prompted, weaving it around your hands as well.
“Do you swear, to all you hold close, that you will support this man with your entirety? That through everything, injury and health, sickness and wealth, you will stay by his side?” You finished weaving the braid as he spoke, the two ends hanging loose beneath your hands.
“I swear it. I’ll be by his side until my heart stops beating.” Your voice rang clear, and the officiant seemed content with it.
“Then I will tie the loose ends of this braid. This represents the joining of your two wayward souls joining together to be one. In the presence of the sky and the earth, the trials of water and fire, you will forever be one. Even beyond mortality, you will always be with one another, through this life and the next.” As he spoke, he very carefully grasped the ends of the braid. They were tied together, locking their hands in a grasp. You couldn’t help the grin that split your face at that, turning to look up at Techno.
He offered you a soft smile, taking a step closer to you and carefully gripping your chin with his thumb and forefinger. Your stomach practically exploded into nervous butterflies. The kiss. You had forgotten the kiss. He leaned down, lips pressing to yours firmly. It was just a kiss of obligation, a part of the ceremony, but it had heat crawling over your cheeks and down your neck. He lingered, fingers gently squeezing yours. You couldn’t help but respond to the squeeze, stepping a little closer to him.
He was pulling back after a few heartbeats, smiling at you once more and turning towards the people. You couldn’t help the squeak that escaped you as he held up your bound hands, causing a few of them to cheer. Part of you wanted to hide, but you simply stuck as close to Techno’s side as you could.
“Let’s party!!” Tommy’s voice rang out from the crowd. He was clearly exhausted with all the ceremonial things, though you weren’t entirely sure you blamed him. Weddings weren’t too exciting, though your nerves would beg to differ. You felt like a frazzled mess on the inside, and you still had an entire day to go.
You and Techno stood back, watching the crowd filter towards the ball room. You glanced to the ribbon binding your hands, acutely aware of the feeling of Techno's fingers slotted between yours. You supposed that you were giving the boys time to set up for the first dance. You just accepted the silence, practically leaning against your husband.
"After the dance we'll be able to take the ribbon off. You won’t be tied to me all day." Amusement laced his voice, and you couldn’t help but laugh a little.
"It's not all bad. A little inconvenient, but all in all it's fine." You looked up to him with a smile, which he returned. Your free hand moved, toying with the ends of the ribbon. The pair of you only stood there for a little longer before you heard Tommy shouting for the pair of you to hurry up. You couldn’t help but laugh. Did he ever stop having energy? You followed Techno along the path winding through the garden, the soft chatter from the ballroom floating over the veranda.
"You did it, Big Man! You're a married man!" Tommy cheered when the pair of you walked in, slinging an arm around both of your shoulders. "Now that this is my sister-in-law," the way he said it, reeling you close to him with a shit eating grin told you this was going to be entertaining, "I can fight her now, right?"
A loud laugh bubbled past your lips at the antics, watching Techno huff and swat at his brother with his free hand. "We'll see." This seemed to be enough to placate Tommy for the time being, sending him scurrying off towards where Tubbo and Wilbur were messing with the instruments in the corner. You watched the blond pester his brother and best friend, a fond smile on your face. He was quite excitable about this all, but it's not like the pair of you had been complete strangers over the past few weeks.
Besides your common training with Techno, you would often spend time sneaking about the castle with Tommy and Tubbo, quietly helping them with all sorts of trouble that they got into. Not to mention the time you spent in the libraries by yourself, or the gardens with Eret. While in the library there were times Wilbur or Philza would visit you. You never minded it, though. Their silent companionship was warm and comfortable. Yet Techno always seemed to hesitate when it came to letting you train with his family. Surely they couldn’t be worse than him- or better, you supposed.
“Spare a coin for your thoughts?” Techno pulled you from your musings of his family, your gaze moving to him instead. You only spared a glance to the others before fully focusing on Techno.
“Just thinking about your family. How you’ve never let me really train with them. Only letting them watch. Is there a certain reason?” Your voice was soft, not willing anyone to hear your words. He paused any movement, seeming to clearly think over the answer. Or perhaps how to best frame it. You weren’t sure why he was thinking so hard, but you could practically see the wheels turning as he did.
“Tommy is reckless. Tubbo is… alright with fighting, a bit clumsy but enthusiastic. Philza is a much higher combat level than I would want you to fight just yet. As for Wilbur…” He trailed off, practically staring off behind your head. You turned, following his gaze to his older brother. The brown-haired prince was toying with the instrument, muttering to Tubbo before looking at Techno with a grin. He gave a thumbs up, and you could see Techno incline his head in a subtle nod before turning to you. “Well, Wilbur is encouraging us to dance.”
If you squinted, you swore you could see the faintest trace of pink on Techno’s cheeks. However you didn’t care to squint too hard, simply positioning the pair of you to dance. He squeezed your still joined hands, other hand hovering momentarily over the middle of your back before settling. Almost as if he had been unsure of the action. Once the two of you had settled comfortably into the position, the soft strings of Wilbur’s instrument filled the room, paired with the gentle notes from Tubbo at the piano. You were half focused on the music, partially focused on your husband. He pulled you along the floor effortlessly, spinning you with a practiced elegance you should have been expecting.
“Why not Wilbur?” You prodded again, only when you had fallen in line with the music as well as Techno. A soft sigh passed his lips as he gazed at you, eyes darting around to the people who were watching you.
“It’s complicated. Best we don’t go into it now.” His tone left no room for argument, a voice he rarely used with you- only when the pair of you trained. You responded with your own sigh, a little disappointed. You supposed you understood, but that didn’t make you any less curious. What was it that made Techno not want you to train with Wilbur?
“Later, then.” You were a little reluctant to agree. You trusted him to tell you whatever it was later. You would be rather upset if he didn’t. The two of you lapsed into silence as you danced. You were so acutely aware of many things. The gazes on you. The pressure of the ribbon braid on your hand. The feel of Techno’s hand on your back. The way you caught Dream’s dark gaze whenever he was in your line of sight. It was a lot, and truly you weren’t sure what to make out of it all.
It felt almost as soon as the dance and music had started, it was ending. Applause poured around you and you fidgeted. You were used to attention, but the attention you were receiving at your wedding was not something you could have ever prepared yourself for. Techno pulled away from you some, almost awkwardly, before reaching for the ribbon. “Why don’t we get this off and you can go dance with your brother. He looks restless.” You turned to look at George, who did in fact appear to be restless. He was shifting, eyes on the pair of you. You offered up a smile, holding up a finger to tell him you would be a moment.
The ribbon peeled from your hands after a few moments. Techno gingerly folded it, tucking it into his pocket. You smiled at him as well, rubbing your hand from where the ribbon had pressed into it. “Go, I’ll play a song. Since I’m required to.” He didn’t necessarily sound happy and you could only laugh.
“Alright. I’ll see you when I get a break. I know everyone is going to want to dance.” You slipped away from Techno to instead make way to George, grinning at him.
“Don’t look so nervous,” You teased, nudging him. He gave a shaking laugh.
“I can’t help it. There’s something almost tense about this whole thing. It feels so formal.” You understood what he meant. You knew marriages in Kinoko were different to this. They were more casual, even for royal families.
“It is strange. Almost overwhelming, isn’t it?” George had nodded in response. “Well then, Crown Prince Nofton,” you began to tease, a lopsided grin on your face. A reminder that you still were, in a way, his little sister he grew up with. “Are you going to keep me waiting?” You held out a hand, arching an eyebrow at him.
“My apologies, Crown Princess Minraelas. Would you honor me, your dearest brother, with a dance on your wedding day?” He bowed dramatically, grin matching your own. His tone was lofty, poking subtle fun at the way the courts of larger countries held themselves. You simply giggled as he took your hand, gently holding it and your shoulder with his other. “It even seems your husband will be playing a song for us.” He was struggling to contain his laughter, and you were barely managing.
The low sound of a violin drifted into the room, causing your head to turn to look at Techno. His eyes were closed as he ran the bow along the strings of the instrument, fingers moving against frets with clear familiarity. For all the resistance he had put up to playing the song, he seemed at peace with it now. You smiled, attention turning back to your brother as he pulled you into the throng of dancing people. "So it would seem," you concluded, letting the pair of you spin gently together as violin notes filled the air.
"You'll still write, won't you?" George had asked again, and you simply laughed softly.
"Always. I promise I'll tell you if I'm ever put into danger." You offered him a reassuring smile and he simply nodded. He seemed content enough, and you knew he had to be. He really was watching you grow up, wasn't he?
"If you don't write, I'm sending our entire army to rescue you." His lips quirked, a breathless laugh escaping him. You couldn't help but laugh as well.
"What makes you think I couldn't hold my own? I'm learning to fight now!" You declared, puffing your chest out just slightly. This elicited another laugh from your brother.
"No offense, but Technoblade handed you your ass. I think you might need the help of an army." You pouted at this, nose wrinkling just a little.
"Well, I doubt it'll ever come to the point of me having to truly fight."  You waved it off, shooting him a smile. “I’m well taken care of here. They like me.” You twisted, looking over to where Tubbo was speaking to Tommy. The brunet caught your gaze, brightening and offering you a cheerful wave. You lifted your hand briefly from George’s, returning the wave. Your attention returned to your brother, who simply smiled gently.
“I can tell. I just worry about you being where I can’t see you.” His voice was gentle, hand once more grasping your own. Your gaze softened slightly, head shaking just a little.
“I’m not a little girl anymore, Gogy. I swear to you, I’ll be fine. Happy. Free.” The childhood nickname had rolled off of your tongue with familiarity. A sign of how genuine you were. No formalities. Just two siblings.
He had sighed in response, hugging you tight for a moment. “I know. It’s hard to not see you as one.” You could reluctantly accept that, returning the hug. “I suppose I can’t keep your company for myself. Go, dance with Dream. He probably wants to.”
The words brought your attention to the blond, catching his eye and smiling a little. His gaze seemed conflicted- caught somewhere between soft and affectionate, and hard and frustrated. You tried your best to ignore it, waving him over slightly. He seemed to hesitate, before running his hands down the front of the green tunic he wore and heading your way. 
“Princess,” he greeted gently once he was close. Your eyes shone with light-hearted fondness, taking his proffered hand. He tugged you closer to him, one hand curled with yours while the fingers of the other dug slightly into your waist. You shrugged the grip off a little, free hand settling onto his shoulder, fingers fingers brushing the white fur of the cape that sat there. 
“For now,” You teased, beaming up at him. Mischief was clear in your grin, letting him whisk you away along the dance floor. His eye flickered with something- too quick for you to notice. Then it was looking over your head, seemingly focusing on someone else. You almost turned to look, but he was soon focused on you. He moved way too fast for you to keep up. It was exhausting, yet you weren't sure you wanted to bother with it right now. Not today.
His fingers grasped your waist tighter. "You're really set on this, aren't you? Are you even sure you truly want to become queen to him? To this nation?" Disgust and irritation laced his words. Hell, he even sounded accusatory. You frowned up at him, squaring your shoulders.
"I've told you this before. I'm going through with this. I'm fine. You and George worry too much. Praelicentiam has treated me well," you reassured. Your fingers smoothed the fur of his cloak, praying it was enough.
He still looked disgruntled, lips tugging into a small scowl. "You know if things go wrong-" he started, but you shook his head to cut him off.
"I can return to Kinoko. I know. You and George have told me this more times than I can count."  Your eyes fluttered shut in an attempt to calm yourself. His grip relaxed in the process, tugging you even closer.
"I just worry for you here. You've heard the rumors. I feel like you'd be safer in Kinoko." Where he could watch you. It was left unsaid, but definitely implied. He leaned down, pressing a feather light and affectionate kiss to your forehead. Heat rushed to your cheeks as you made to move away, saved by the clearing of a throat.
"Surely you wouldn't mind if I stole our bride for a dance?" A firm hand sat on your arm, drawing your attention to the blond man who had interrupted. Philza stood there, a kind yet unnerving smile directed to your childhood friend. 
Dream narrowed his eye for a moment before he relented, handing you over to the man. "Of course not. I'll talk to you later, princess." The distaste in his voice was palpable, but you were able to ignore it.
"You were starting to look like a deer caught in the middle of a path," Philza pulled your attention to him as he moved with you to the music. You couldn’t help but laugh nervously. 
"Dream can be a lot sometimes." Philza had simply inclined his head in acknowledgement as you spoke. Dream always had a way to be intense, and you never deciphered if it was good. It had been that way for the past year. You were hardly given time to dwell on your best friend, though. Instead you were being handed over to Tommy, who seemed far from thrilled. Just behind him you could see Wilbur, throwing him a very pointed look.
He didn't seem to linger with his dance, grumbling the whole time about how he hated these formal events. Much like the child he was. You would only laugh, knocking his ankles with your feet.
Then you were off to Tubbo, who's eyes were just as bright as his grin. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying my wedding more than I am." It was a lighthearted tease but he couldn't help but sheepishly laugh.
"For now I am, yeah," he acknowledged. You followed his gaze over your shoulder, where Schlatt stood holding a cup of wine. You supposed he wasn't looking forward to dealing with his father. You didn't blame him. Beside Schlatt stood Dream, his eye focused solely on you. The pair seemed quiet, thankfully. The idea of Schlatt talking too much with Dream made your stomach churn. You didn't doubt that Schlatt would be able to make Dream do something stupid- the older man was no doubt irritating.
The music faded to a new song, joined with a new dance partner. Your feet were aching, begging for a chance to sit down. Yet you supposed it was obligatory to dance with people. At least your new family seemed to believe so. Which is why Wilbur was now gliding you across the dance floor. He held himself with a poise very akin to Techno’s, a practiced poise and grace to his movements.
As if the way he held himself as he danced wasn't reminder enough, he couldn't help but joke, "If things had gone differently perhaps I would have been the one to promise you my last breath." He laughed, shooting you an amused smile. You echoed his laugh, briefly pondering how different Praelicentiam may have been.
"We'll never know, shall we? I think I prefer you my brother, anyways." He nodded in agreement, one hand softly patting your hair. It was exhausting, being on your feet this long. You needed to eat.
Eret seemed to realize this as they stepped up to you, holding a hand out. "One dance with me and I'll get you back to Technoblade. You've been dancing awhile." You let your shoulders sag a little.
"Just one dance, then. I'm exhausted." A whine edged into your voice. They laughed and nodded, seeming satisfied once you placed a hand into their's. Their movements were a comfort, in a way. You felt endlessly comfortable with them.
"Do you miss Kinoko?" They questioned after a few moments, making your steps stutter. It wasn't a question you expected from them.
You regained yourself, offering a soft smile. "Of course. It's my home, there's people I love there. It'll always be my home and I'll always yearn for it. The path laid ahead of me led me here, though. This is my home just as much." You loved Kinoko endlessly. Yet you were growing to love Praelicentiam. This was going to be your kingdom one day. You needed to learn to love it and it's people.
Eret seemed to think on your answer, sighing softly. "So long as you find happiness."
"I'll be happy here," you were quick to defend, offering a smile. They relented, and pulled back as the song came to an end.
"Fine, fine. Let's get you off of your feet." You were more than happy to follow Eret as they led you through the mix of people. As if it was even hard to spot Techno, where he stood talking quietly to a short man. You barely got a look at him before you were noticed. The man looked at you from behind glasses before smiling, seeming to disappear into the crowd before you got close. You frowned, lifting an eyebrow at Techno.
"Finally had enough socialization?" His voice called to you once within range. Eret squeezed your shoulder, muttering about how they needed to attend to other matters and disappearing.
"More than enough. Who was that?" You tried to locate the man in the crowd, but he was nowhere you could see. Weird.
“Someone running a favor for me.” It was a bland answer but you supposed there wasn’t much to expect. You simply relaxed into his hand as it settled between your shoulder blades, steering you towards seating. It took everything in your power to not sink into the chair as it was pulled out for you. You had a feeling that now that you were seated, you’d be there for a long while. 
Techno settled into the seat beside you, his eyes raking over everyone else. Watching as if he expected something. You followed the gaze, trying to view things as he did. Yet you couldn’t. All you saw was people partying, enjoying their time there. Eret was conversing with George, your older brother struggling to stifle laughter. Wilbur was talking to Nihachu and two people you couldn’t recognize. One was a woman, tall with a mop of curls like you had never seen. The way her fingers curled with Nihachu’s gave you enough clue on who she was. The other was a man, currently laughing over something you wished you could hear. He seemed to be laughing hard, struggling to keep ginger and white locks of hair out of his face. 
You sought out the younger two, knowing they would be joined at the hip. It wasn’t too hard. They stood with another- a boy? He looked young in the face, from what you could see given the slightly anxious expression he wore. Light patches of skin quite a few shades lighter littered him, dual colored eyes focusing on Tommy. His hair was like an extreme version of the man who was with Wilbur- yet instead of ginger there was black. As well as several patches of white as opposed to a single tuft. He was certainly a sight to behold and you swore you had never seen him before. You would have remembered him.
You pushed it aside, for now. You sought out the few other people you knew still. Dream was in a corner, arms crossed over his chest as he talked to a guard. You could tell it was a Kinoko guard, but couldn’t tell who. You tried to look harder to figure it out- you grew up with much of the guard- but it was pointless. His back was to you. It would be more worth it to continue your conversation with Technoblade. “You seem to have a lot of people doing favors for you.”
He huffed in laughter beside you, turning his attention from the people. Instead he watched you, amusement bright in brown eyes.”I’m the crown prince. Of course I have a lot of favors being done.”
“What type of favors?” You questioned, kicking your feet just slightly. You wanted to know. As much time as you spent training with Techno, you didn’t know what he did beyond that. He was still as much of a mystery to you as when he walked into Kinoko.
He shook his head, eyes flicking towards the people again. “Things I would prefer you to stay out of unless necessary. Instead of thinking about that, think about food.” You opened your mouth to complain but he was already waving a servant over, mentioning food to them. The boy nodded, turning to go fetch the food.
You let yourself focus on the food. You’d already tried pushing Techno on one subject today and had to leave it alone, you weren’t going to try a second one. It’s not that you weren’t hungry, either. Everything that had happened today had made you hungry. At least the food was good. You were still having to adjust to the amount of food too. Kinoko hadn’t been able to eat like this in quite some time. You wondered if George and Dream felt similarly to the food- though you were sure that Praelicentiam had since begun to send food over.
It was only when you had finished you truly began to wind down. So did much of the celebration. People left the room with stomachs full of wine and good food. You’d have to thank Nihachu for it. In the morning, though. She had already left with her girlfriend. You were eager to join the crowds of people leaving. You were ready to go to sleep. 
Which was a problem.
You had been taught for so much of your life what was expected of you on your wedding night. Your mom had made sure of that, unwilling to see her daughter get hurt in ignorance. Yet, it still had a weight settling in your stomach. A rock lodged in your throat. Why was it now that you felt the fear Dream was so insistent you felt? Was it because you didn’t know what to expect from Techno?
You couldn’t help but glance at him, fingers toying with your dress. You honestly hoped it was nothing like training. It made you wince, which pulled his attention to you instead. “Are you tired?” His voice was low. You hesitated, glancing towards the few people who still lingered. George and Dream had both left, as well as Tommy, Tubbo, and their tall friend. So few people were here now. You gave in and nodded. There was no point in sticking around. Techno stood up then, holding a hand out for you to take.
It was natural for you to let him lead you through the castle, despite you already knowing it pretty well. He seemed to want to make sure you got wherever you were going safely. The silence was crushing and tense. You almost felt like you were drowning in it. Could he hear the way your heart thrummed against your rib cage, or how your blood was roaring in your ears.
Yet he passed his chambers entirely, heading towards yours instead. It threw you off. Weren’t you supposed to consummate the marriage? Your confusion must have been evident, because he spoke softly, “You seem exhausted. Get some sleep.” A hand settled on your shoulder, squeezing softly. Then he leaned around you to open the door, leaving you to your thoughts and wondering why he had taken you to your room instead of his.
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wkemeup · a year ago
Sunrise (4)
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summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU) pairings: bucky x reader chapter word count: 5.2k warnings: symptoms of depression, PTSD, anxiety, some really sweet moments to balance it out, more book recs 🧡 series masterlist / series playlist
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“You’re staring at the doors again, sweetie.”
Chin resting on your hands, arms folded out on the countertop of the library’s front desk, you tore your eyes away from the entrance to find Mrs. Jefferson peering over at you from over the bridge of her glasses. She smirked as she returned to her book, knowing she’d caught you in the act.  
“Have patience,” she said simply.
“Book club is tomorrow and—” you sighed, a heaviness returning to your body as you slumped back against the counter, stare drifting back to the doors at the entrance. The sun was beaming outside, reflecting in beautiful rays as it illuminated the walkway and touched over old oak and the colorful bindings of novels. 
You frowned. “I really thought he was going to come.”
“This James Barnes... he’s a soldier, yes? Like my boy?”  
You nodded, disappointment burning like a lump in your throat, though you swallowed it back. “A Sergeant. Sam said he came home a little under a year ago.”  
“Then he’ll come,” Mrs. Jefferson pressed confidently, sliding her glasses up her nose, the chain of purple beads clicking against the gem stones on her sweater. “Boys like that don’t break their word. Even if he is a bit of a hesitant one.”
You knew what she meant by that. Hesitant.  
No one liked to talk about the dangers of a soldier post-war. It was uncomfortable; the idea that they could still be fighting a battle long beyond the absence of a weapon in their hands and the threat of present danger. Heroes weren’t supposed to have chinks in their armor. They weren’t supposed to crumble and break under the weight of what happened beyond borders and the guilt they carried.  
They were supposed to be strong; a symbol of a great country and a willing tribute to place upon a pedestal. It was unacceptable to be a burden, unacceptable to do anything other than seamlessly integrate back into a society that they never really knew to begin with.  
It was all a farce; a rigged game set to line the pockets of the rich and exploit everyone else in its path – sent off to fight for a cause no one really understood or believed in. It left behind good men and women to the rubble; Bucky Barnes among them.  
Sam hadn’t told you much about Bucky before you met him, but you knew enough to tell that it was a struggle to get him to leave the apartment. He was isolated and quiet and hardly recognizable from the man you’d seen in photos. Only, it wasn’t the lack of his left arm that drew your attention when you first saw him, but the lingering sadness in his eyes.  
Sam had a picture hanging in the office that often pulled you in. Bucky stood on his left side, smiling so wide it left lines on his face. He was bright, light as a feather, only weighed down by Steve’s arm slung around his shoulders. You wondered if the man in the photo would have flirted shamelessly with you, if he’d have corny pickup lines or offer to take you dancing. He looked like the sort of man who had girls chasing his tail, a line of heartbreak in his wake. He was beautiful.  
It was strange to see him like that, comparing him to the man he was today. Now, it was like a cloud lingered over his head, draining the color from his skin and chipping away at his soul until it dimmed and crumbled and faded away.  
But you’d seen glimpses of the man in the photo. He was still beautiful; a little hurt and dragging his feet, but beautiful. His smile wasn’t quite as wide and the cloud was still present, but there was a peak of sunshine peering through. A single ray puncturing over stormy skies, but it was something. He’d laughed and teased and it was more than Sam had known him to do in months. You were determined to see the sun touch his skin again. If only he’d let you guide him there.  
“I’m going to go restock on the second level,” you conceded, pushing yourself up from the counter and sauntering over to the cart lined heavy with books.  
“Alright sweetie. I’ll be sure to page you when your Sergeant shows up.”
You felt a heat burning in your face at the very idea of ‘your Sergeant’. Mrs. Jefferson chuckled to herself, eyes still down on her book. She waved you off, not giving you a chance to object, even if you could string together a coherent sentence.  
Bucky couldn’t get out of bed.  
He’d been in this predicament hundreds of times before; staring up at the ceiling, wasting the days away as the curtains blocked the light and shielded him from the reminder of another sun daring to rise beyond his window. His energy would be drained and his willingness to so much as brush his teeth was obsolete. He’d known what it felt like to not be able to get out of bed.  
This was different.  
He had somewhere to be. He actually wanted to get up. He really fucking wanted to.
But the pain in his arm had flared to one of the worst episodes he’d had in months and it rendered him useless; the arm that was both there and not there. He could feel his left hand curl to a fist, could feel the itch on his palm, but when he tried to scratch it, he was only met with thin air, his right hand sinking to the mattress in search of the sensation that didn’t exist.  
It was infuriating.  
The nerve endings in his shoulder were going haywire. It felt like his arm was being ripped from his body and it took nearly all the energy he had not to let it consume him. He’d even gone as far to bite off a piece of his cheek in an effort to suppress the lump in his throat.  
Sam would have frowned at that, spewed him some bullshit about how crying can be therapeutic and Steve would nod his head annoyingly in agreement, but Bucky was tougher than that. He had to be tougher than that. If he allowed himself to unlatch that gate, it would consume him whole. He’d drown.  
Hinges squeaked at the front entrance as the door swung open and a pair of heavy footsteps came rushing into the apartment.  
“I’m coming, buddy! Hold on!” Sam called, the plastic swish of the grocery bag handing off his arms dropping to the floor. Bucky tried to concentrate on the sound of running water, the bottle of pills shaking in the small orange bottle, and not on the pain threatening to tear him in half.  
The door to his bedroom flung open and Sam rushed in with a glass of water and his fist closed around two red capsules. He paused in the frame, a frown pushing down at his mouth, and Bucky could only imagine what he looked like; disheveled, sweating, laying in day old clothes and muddled sheets. His right hand was shaking.  
“Alright, help me out, Barnes,” Sam said, setting the glass down on the bedside table. He placed a steady hand on Bucky’s back to help push himself upright. Bucky swung his legs off the side of the bed, finding his balance before Sam placed the pills in his hand.  
Bucky threw them back into his mouth, holding his hand out for the glass of water that would come next. It landed in his grip and he gulped down the medication. There was no instant relief with pain like this, but the knowledge it would soon wear off to something manageable was enough.  
“Thanks,” he mumbled out, voice tense as he struggled to find it.  
“Insurance companies are assholes,” Sam scoffed, shaking his head, though he patted Bucky on the knee. “Cutting off coverage for a fucking vet with no warning like that? Can’t believe you’ve been without this stuff for almost a week. It’s messed up.”  
Bucky had come to expect it. He knew something had to go wrong eventually with how things were starting to turn around. He’d actually been looking forward to seeing you at the library and almost went that next day if it wasn’t for the sudden attack on his own body. He'd tried to deal with it on his own, thinking he might sleep it off, but then it became unbearable. Insurance wouldn’t budge and he didn’t have the energy to argue on the phone with them all day. Thankfully, Sam did.  
Except now it was a day before the next book club meeting and Bucky didn’t know how he was supposed to face you. Part of him wondered if you'd be disappointed, if maybe you’d steal a glance over the doors and hope that it was him walking through, only to be let down as each day passed by. The other half wondered if you’d care at all.  
But he’d seen the way you’d smiled at him, how you’d lit up at the idea of him stopping by.  
You’d care.  
He wasn’t sure if that hurt worse, seeing as he never showed up.  
“You could still go.”
Bucky sighed at Sam’s suggestion. He wasn’t teasing him, wasn’t wearing that shit-eating grin. He was being serious. It was the kind of look that reminded Bucky that under it all, Sam was one of his closest friends, one of the few that stuck around when everything went to shit.
“She’ll want to see you,” Sam continued, nudging Bucky’s side with a soft smile, but Bucky shook his head, unconvinced.
“What am I supposed to say to her, Sam?” Bucky groaned, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “’Sorry I stood you up, but I felt like my hand was being sawed off on an arm I don’t even fucking have?’”
“Why not?” Sam shrugged, earning a glare in response he let roll off his shoulders with ease. “She’d understand, Buck. She knows what comes with the territory here. She’s a lot more familiar with this stuff than you think.”
Bucky narrowed his eyes, a pang of jealousy burning hot in his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe you should ask her why she got involved with the VA in the first place.”
Bucky pressed his lips to a thin line, a silence coming over them. That was an immensely personal question; one akin to someone asking him how he’d lost his arm. He wasn’t sure that was an answer you’d be willing to share.  
Sam exhaled a heavy breath, patting Bucky three times on the knee before he stood up. “Let the meds kick in, but promise you’ll try to go, alright?”
Bucky stared up at Sam for a moment before he conceded with a short nod. The pain in his shoulder was starting to lessen, at least. It didn’t feel like his arm was being torn from his body or a knife was plunging into a part of him that didn’t exist anymore. It would likely get back to a place he could deal with within the hour.
“I promise,” Bucky said. “I’ll go.”
A brush of warm air filtered in through the vents as Bucky stepped inside the library. It was bigger than he remembered with large stain glass windows on the outer walls, filtering in a colorful sunlight onto the aisles upon aisles of books. At the center, just ahead of the entrance, was a reception desk. Bucky exhaled a tense breath in an attempt to rid himself from the nerves rattling in his veins and made his way to the woman sitting behind the counter.  
She was reading quietly in her seat, a pair of glasses on a beaded chain perched at the very tip of her nose. She didn’t look up in his direction until he stood at the edge of the desk, and only then, she caught glance of him over the top of her glasses before a smile rose on her lips.  
“Can I help you, young man?”  
Bucky cleared his throat. “I’m supposed to meet someone. She, uh, works here. Y/n.”
The woman nodded. She wore the kind of smile on her face Bucky was familiar with. He’d seen it in Sam about a dozen times in the last week; the kind of smile that said ‘I was right.’
“You must be Sergeant Barnes,” she said as she picked up the radio from the desk.  
Bucky nodded quickly, glancing over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he felt jittery. He tried not to let the fact that you’d clearly talked to this woman about him throw him completely off his game. If he even had game to begin with…  
“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky replied with an even tone. She smirked.  
“Y/n,” she called into the radio, “you have a guest at the front desk.”
The woman held up a finger to him though it trembled with age, signaling for him to wait a moment. Bucky nodded, tucking his hand into his pocket as he silently made his way over to the series of chairs lined along the wall.  
He gripped his fist tight inside his pocket, trying to ignore the pulsing in his shoulder. It had lessened considerably since Sam brought him his meds, but it hadn’t gone away completely. Showering had taken longer than usual and it took him nearly four minutes just to pull a shirt over his head. His army jacket hung over his shoulders, wrapped in a protective layer, loose sleeve at his side. 
“If you’re pulling my chain, Mrs. Jefferson…”  
Bucky perked up at the sound of your voice. You were crossing the main entrance from the staircase, half jogging to the counter where the woman, Mrs. Jefferson, was grinning to herself from behind her book.  
You draped over the counter, toes barely keeping hold on the tile floors as you attempted to reach for her book, but she snatched it from your grasp just in time. You huffed, sinking back down the floor.  
“It’s not funny!” you whined and Bucky almost felt a little guilty for not making his presence known yet, but you were just so cute the way you slumped your shoulders and glanced back at the entrance.  
Mrs. Jefferson pointed over to where Bucky had slowly begun to make his way towards you, but you folded your arms over your chest. Bucky cleared his throat when he stood a few paces off your shoulder, but you didn’t seem to hear him.  
Mrs. Jefferson caught Bucky’s eye before she turned her attention back to you. “Sweetie, he’s—”
“He’s not coming, okay?” you groaned and Bucky felt a stone drop into his stomach. “I—I thought he would but… I was wrong.”
Bucky parted his lips to speak but suddenly his throat was dry. Mrs. Jefferson’s smile started to fade. Clearly, Bucky wasn’t the only one who heard the disappointment in your voice, the sliver of heartbreak, too. He tried to speak, to call your name, to say something, but he was marbled stone.  
“I’m going back to work.”
There wasn’t time to pull his words together before you slammed head first into Bucky’s chest. He stumbled back a few paces, surprised, and you gasped, hands flying to your mouth.  
“Oh God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t—” You stilled, taking in who was standing in front of you. “Bucky?”
He pressed out a smile, though his ears were burning red. “Sorry I’m late.”
“No! N-no, you’re totally fine! I didn’t—I didn’t think you were—” You blinked a few times before your eyes darted back at Mrs. Jefferson who only smirked from behind her book, adjusting the glasses on the tip of her nose. You turned back to Bucky, brushing out the hem of your skirt and wrapping the thick layer of a lavender colored cardigan tightly around your waist, almost like a blanket.  
You exhaled a nervous breath, a nervous smile lifting into your cheeks. “I’m happy you came.”
“It would have been sooner, I swear,” Bucky replied quickly, watching helplessly as your smile brightened into a laugh. “But, um, my uh—”  
He chewed on the edge of his lip. Was he really going to tell you what kept him held up in his room for days on end? Would it bitter the sweet way you looked at him to know that he was a mess under a poorly constructed surface, tied together with string and scotch tape? But you were looking at him so fondly, he wondered if there was anything he could say that could take that away.
“My arm,” he admitted, waiting for a flash of disgust on your face that never came. You softened a bit, but your eyes never left his. He cleared his throat. “It, um… It was just acting up. I ran out of meds and the pain it—it got bad. The kinda pain that sorta makes me wish I had the arm just so I could saw it off myself.”
Shit. He hadn’t mean to say that much but there was just something about the way you looked at him that made him feel like he couldn’t say a damn wrong thing. You pursed your lips, nodding in as much understanding as you could offer. You gestured to the staircase and Bucky followed you without question.  
“I would have been here last week,” Bucky finished because he needed you to know. He couldn’t stand the idea of you being upset, of that sliver of disappointment in your voice when you’d accepted he wasn’t going to show. He needed you to know he’d tried.  
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you said simply, though he could tell you appreciated it nonetheless. You offered him a smile, one that washed away any feelings of doubt that crept up to the surface. The pain in his shoulder was long forgotten when you looked at him like that.  
“I just wanted you to know.”
I just wanted you to know I’m trying.
He had something to look forward to now, a reason to get out of his bed and open the curtains and look at the fucking sun for once. He had reason to shower and go outside and shove away all the thoughts of self-doubt and paranoia because there was something incredible waiting for him beyond the door.  
I just wanted you to know you’re the reason I’m trying.
“Come on,” you grinned, leading him to the staircase. “I have a few books in mind you might like.”  
Your hand extended in his direction, but you caught yourself when you realized what you were doing. It was seamless enough that you easily played it off as you tugged your sweater tight around your body, but he noticed. It was an intimate gesture, a closeness he hadn’t known in years.  
He hadn’t remembered what it felt like to crave something like that.
It didn’t take long for Bucky to settle on The Martian by Andy Weir. It was the first book you pulled from the shelves, one amongst a series of alternatives you had ready in the event this one didn’t appeal to him. All it took was a single glance over the back cover, a slight incline in his brow, and he was sold.
“I trust you,” was all Bucky had said; so simply, as if it didn’t take the breath straight from your chest.   
Bucky didn’t have a library card you realized as you brought him back to the front desk. He’d sheepishly asked to check it out on your account, but you were determined to see more of him and you hoped that by getting him his own card, he might be more inclined to come back. Not that you explained it that way per say, but he didn’t object at least.
It had taken a lot less time than either of you anticipated and you found yourself following him to the exit, both of you dragging your feet.
“So, um…” he started, a nervous chuckle in his voice. “That was easy.”
“Yeah,” you scratched at the back of your neck, glancing to the clock hanging high on the eastern wall. “I hope you like it after all this trust you’re putting in my judgement.”
“I’m sure I will.”
A short silence swept over. Neither of you moving to leave. A couple swerved around you in an effort to get to the doors. The silence wasn’t awkward, but there was a nervous energy in it, like you were both waiting for the other to make the first move. Only, you both did it at once.  
“Would you want to—”
“I’m off at four—”
You bit down on your lips, suppressing a laugh. You gestured for him to go first. His looked so sweet with the pink in his cheeks. A man who had been once rendered as a weapon and he wore a blush in his cheeks. Your stomach held butterflies in its cage.  
“There’s a coffeeshop nearby,” he continued nervously. “I was thinking I could replace that coffee of yours I spilled last week…”
Your cheeks were starting to ache from how wide you were smiling. “Give me five minutes? I just need to wrap things up with Mrs. Jefferson and then I’m yours.”
Bucky’s eyes widened for a second, a flash of something unreadable on his face. He shook it off quickly and nodded, telling you he’d wait by the chairs along the wall until you were ready. It wasn’t until you were halfway to the desk that you’d realized what you’d said.  
I’m yours.
A harmless saying; one people used every day in passing. Still, you felt that same surge of energy at the thought. From the twists in your stomach and the stammer in your heart, you knew that if he’d asked, it would be true.  
Bucky watched as you scurried back to the main desk, a few quick glances back over your shoulder in his direction like you were making sure he was still there. You were smiling so wide, he wondered if it ached in your cheeks. He’d never known anyone to smile as much as you did, like you had this limitless supply of joy eager to be tapped into. He couldn’t help but feel a twist in his stomach, knowing he had been able to syphon some of that joy and bring it to the surface. It was him you were smiling at. It felt like a dream.
He glanced down at the book nestled into the sleeve of his bag; a stunning ombre in shades of orange to red to black, a lone astronaut in the center – like he was floating adrift. You’d told him it was a story of survival, of the intricacies of humanity and human connection. It was funny at times and filled with science beyond your pay grade, but it was mesmerizing.  
There was an unspoken hope he could read in your eyes that he might connect to the main character, Mark Watney in his search for connection, in his desperate hope to free himself from the isolation, in his resilience. You’d said Mark was an exceptional character, one with courage and determination to be admired.  
Bucky wasn’t sure he could stand up to the likes of Mark Watney, but he would certainly try.  
The glimmer in your eye as you spoke about the book, almost as if it were an old friend, was enough to convince him. For the first time in years, he felt the urge to read when he got home, just so he could see the look on your face in book club when you realized he’d already started it. He wanted to make you proud, wanted to see more of your smile. It was his new drive.  
A few minutes later, you came jogging back up to him. Your purse hung over your shoulders, a few new books of your own tucked under your arm. You’d done more than finish your shift at the desk though, he realized, because his eyes flickered to a reflective shine on your lips, one that hadn’t been there before. You’d put on lip gloss.
His heart flipped.  
“Ready?” you asked, gesturing to the doors. All bright eyes and sunshine as you looked at him.  
“There’s a café called Luciana’s not too far from here. I’ve heard good things about it. Might be quiet,” Bucky offered and a flash of something unreadable crossed your features. “Do you know it?”
“I go there every Sunday before book club! It’s my favorite,” you replied, nearly skipping in your steps. “Replacing my coffee and getting it right down to the same shop? I’m impressed, Bucky.”
He chuckled, hanging his head as he followed you down the descending staircase and into the heavy flow of pedestrian traffic. He’d forgotten how busy the sidewalks could get at rush hour and the smile quickly drained from his face, though he wouldn’t let you see.  
Bucky tried to focus on you as the strangers circled in around him, how you were laughing at the coincidence of it all, starting on a tangent of your favorite donuts at the shop. Your voice was like a beacon and he did his best use it as a guide.  
But he could feel the quicken pace of his heart inside his chest, how it thumped through his ribs and pulsed into his head the closer strangers got to him. He swerved out of the way of a tourist who was too busy looking down at his phone to notice Bucky in his path. He kept his head down, hand clenched tightly in his jacket pocket, eyes staring at the concrete.  
Teenagers were whispering behind him, snickering under their breath, and Bucky could hear the harsh ‘shhh’ of a father at wit’s end. His lungs felt tight, certain that the boys were mocking the loose sleeve hanging down by his side. He could have taken it if here were on his own. His ears would flush red and a wash of shame and embarrassment would flood his senses, but he could have taken it.  
Not with you by his side. Not when you could be privy to the harsh stares and the cruel voices, the validation to a fear he’d known to be true long before he met you – that he was a broken mess of who he used to be and he would never find that sense of normalcy again. He was kidding himself into thinking that you could ever want someone like—
When he looked up at you, your smile had fallen away, replaced with concern. It must not have been the first time you called his name. He didn’t know what to say. He felt small, like a child, embarrassed that even on a good day the influx of people still rendered him to a state of panic.  
“Come on,” you said quietly, glancing around to an alley off your shoulder. “Let’s take the scenic route.”  
He followed gratefully, staring at your shoulder blades as you led him away from the busy hustle of the crowd and along empty side streets and residential neighborhoods. It would take longer this way, but you didn’t seem to mind. You were too busy admiring the architecture of the brownstones and the beautiful array of plants and flowers hanging along the windows. In the open space, you skipped a few paces ahead, arms out wide and twirled around, simply because you could. You laughed and it echoed up along the buildings.  
Bucky could have handed you his heart right then. He could have pulled it straight from his chest and set it into your palms. He wondered if you would handle it with the tender sort of care he hoped you would. His heart was fraying and damaged, after all. It required a gentle touch.  
You fell back in line with him easily and you checked to make sure the next block wasn’t too busy before you led him down another side street. He tried to ignore the voices telling him he was a burden, that his baggage was dragging heavy at your feet, but it crept to the surface no matter how many times you smiled at him.  
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled out, willing his voice to be stronger than it felt. “I don’t know why this is such an issue for me. I was fine on the way over.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Bucky,” you said gently, slowing your pace until you came to a stop.  
Bucky dragged his feet, stopping along a bush of pink hydrangeas planted outside a stunning brick townhome. From the corner of his eye, he watched as your hand reached out to him instinctively, almost in slow motion, and you only paused as you realized what you were doing and pulled back. You cleared your throat.
“I’m not ever someone you have to apologize to about this stuff, okay?” you continued with a kind of sincerity in your voice, Bucky didn’t have a choice but to believe you. The way you looked at him nearly pulled him to pieces. “It comes and goes. Waxes and wanes. There’s no fault. No blame. Just tell me if something’s wrong, so I can help. That’s all I ask.”
Were you speaking from experience? Did you know someone who had been as shattered as he was? Was it the reason Sam wanted him to ask about why you were involved with the VA to begin with?  
It was quiet on the side street; the only sound the distant footsteps from traffic up ahead and the low rumble of car engines in the distance. A bird chirped from a low handing branch above.  
You shoved your hands into your pockets in an effort to keep yourself from reaching for his. He was surprised at the twist in his stomach when he wished you would have tried just one more time. Maybe he could have had some courage to take it.  
“Okay,” Bucky agreed, feeling a weight lift from his chest. When you smiled again it was small— a little heavy— but it touched your eyes. There was a relief in it, maybe an appreciation, too. It swept away some of the anxiety from his veins.  
“Okay.” Your smile widened as you continued to walk down the sidewalk. Bucky found himself feeling a little lighter as he followed behind.  
When the two of you approached the main street again along the block Luciana’s was tucked away in, Bucky didn’t feel as though he was suffocating anymore. He could sense his reflexes picking up, a subtle increase in his heart rate, but he walked a little closer to you, your hip bumping against his every so often and he found that it grounded him. It kept him firm on the surface when he felt like he was floating up into a distant unknown. He wondered if you knew the extent to which you affected him.  
Luciana’s was quiet inside as Bucky jutted out ahead of you to reach for the door. A soft strum of an acoustic guitar and a Spanish speaking singer’s intricate melody hummed over the speakers. He felt a solid breath of air fill his lungs, tasting of coffee beans and fresh pastries.  
“Welcome to—” a voice called from behind the counter before she paused, eyes falling on you. “Y/n!”  
A woman ran out from behind the counter, dressed in a stained apron and a long, bright pink dress, and held her arms out to you. You laughed as she enveloped you to her chest.  
“My darling! It is not Sunday, you know. You’re getting your days mixed up!” she exclaimed, wagging her finger at you. She didn’t even give you time to explain before she turned to Bucky, who suddenly felt a burn of heat on his face. “Ah! You finally brought me one of your boys!”
Bucky narrowed his eyes, turning to you quickly. His stomach dropped.  
“She means at the VA,” you explained, a little embarrassed at her implication as you shuffled your feet, eyes darting at the floor. Bucky raised an eyebrow in realization, eyes flickering back to the woman – who he assumed to be Luciana herself – as she scurried back around the counter. He noticed then that she was wearing slippers on her feet.  
“Come, come!” She called eagerly, waiting with a tapping toe at the register.  
You and Bucky exchanged a glance, a breath of a laugh escaping before you stepped up to the counter. You didn’t hesitate in your order, though you took some extra time in looking over the pastries and donuts after Bucky told you to pick something out for him. You put so much thought into it, it was really quite sweet. He waited until you reached down for your purse to slip his card over the counter to Luciana.  
She wore that same smile he’d seen on Mrs. Jefferson at the library. That smirk. Like they knew something he didn’t.  
You heard the ring of the cash registered and looked up at him, agape. You swatted his arm without thinking twice about it and there was a comfort in that. He laughed, taking his coffee and settling in at a table by the windows as you followed behind.  
As he watched you across the table, your eyes glancing out to the pedestrians as they walked back, nursing the steaming mug of coffee between your hands, that morning suddenly felt like it was a life time ago.  
Had he really been paralyzed with pain, unable to move from his bed, just a few hours earlier? It felt like a century had passed in between. In a rare indulgence, Bucky let himself wonder what it would feel like to spend all his time with you; if maybe time moved so fast it swept him off his feet or if it moved slow enough to allow him to catch every second.  
All he knew was that he wanted more.
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san-fics · 3 months ago
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Parallel Love
Felinette Akuma Shenanigans Project
Part 4/4
Marinette looked at Felix, still shocked by the revelation.
“Wait…” She said, standing up after him. “But what did you say about Hawk Moth?”
“Oh right.” Felix said as if coming back from his thoughts. “I uhh… saw the miraculous on him. On Shadow Moth. It's Gabriel Agreste. I’m sure of it.”
Marinette shook her head.
“You must have seen something wrong, Felix.” She said, “He can’t be Shadow Moth. He was akumatized.”
“He was, yes.” Felix agreed. “But that day there were two of them. I imperceptibly tore one leg of his trousers and a few minutes later another Gabriel came in, in brand new trousers, so…”
“A sentimonster…” Marinette whispered. “He tricked us… And the other time when we suspected him, he tricked us too…”
“Did you?” Felix's eyebrows jumped. “Well, then you might not be that useless heroes after all.” His words were hurtful, but Felix’s voice sounded more hurt, so Marinette felt that he was only saying it out of self-defense. “Really, I don’t see how my cousin could go against his father if he knew the identity of Shadow Moth. He is completely subordinate to him.”
“Turns out not completely…”Marinette noticed, thinking how Adrien managed to escape his father as Chat Noir. Suddenly, many things about her partner made a lot more sense. “It’s like his escape from his prisoned life…” She said out loud.
“You’ll have a lot of time to discuss it with him on long winter evenings, when you’re back.” Felix snorted and looked around impatiently, as if he couldn’t bear to be here any longer. “Plagg, where are you?!” He called.
“What do you think you are doing?” Marinette asked in surprise.
“Going home, obviously.” Felix snapped in an annoyed voice.
“You can’t go home!” Marinette protested.
“And why is that?!” He placed one hand on his waist.
“If Gabriel is Hawk Moth, you can’t risk exposing your miraculous to him!”
“What do you suggest? Stay with you? What would your real boyfriend say to that?!”
“I don't have a boyfriend!” Marinette ritorted.
“Not yet!” Felix said, turning his gaze from her. “You were crushing on each other for years, so now that you know…”
“Felix…” Marinette called softly.
“What?!” He snapped, returning an angry look to her face.
“Are you… are you jealous of Adrien?” She asked, making a step closer to him.
“The hell I am!” Felix exclaimed, but didn’t move away.
Marinette took his hand in hers.
“Please don’t.” She whispered, looking into his face, trying to figure out if she was reading him correctly.
“I’m not!.. I don’t!..” Felix said in a nervous voice and looked down at their joined hands. “What are you doing?” He asked.
Marinette didn’t know why, maybe she really was over Adrien, or maybe the feelings of the local Marinette took over her, but she didn’t feel any joy at what Felix implied, that her crush on Adrien was probably once mutual.
It didn’t matter to her now.
“It felt right.” Marinette admitted. “Does it help?”
“It…” Felix seemed hesitant.
Then he swallowed, and Marinette’s chest filled with warm anticipation. Maybe because they were alone in the twilight of the night, or because her life had just been turned upside down, even being so far from her, or maybe because Felix was the only ‘native’ in this alien world, but in this moment he seemed so close to her, so open, so hers…
“It does,” Felix continued, “But… we are not… it isn’t real…” He said, and Marinette could see the pain on his face that he couldn’t or didn’t want to hide.
“Or is it?” Marinette whispered, squeezing his hand gently.
“Marinette… I…” Felix’s lips parted and Marinette felt her whole body tense in anticipation of those lips. “Why are you torturing me like this?” He asked, breathing heavy.
Marinette was asking herself the same, but she thought she was torturing herself more.
The ambiguity of what was happening seemed unbearable. Her body seemed to explode if he didn’t hold her close to him right now, but... was it her feeling, or were the other Marinetteэs feelings leaking out against her control?
“I don’t know what is happening between us, Felix.” She whispered. “But if you won’t kiss me right now, I think I’ll die.”
Felix yanked her towards him with such force that Marinette thought she would break… but his embrace was healing for her body, his kisses brought her back to life, his breath connected with hers and her head was spinning from lack or from too much oxygen...
Marinette lost track of time in his kisses when she heard his voice.
“My lo… no!” Felix whispered and cut himself out. “Marinette…”
Marinette was holding two brooches in her hands – a Butterfly and a broken Peacock miraculous.
She had just finished writing down the night’s events in her diary to make it easier for the local Marinette to keep track of what was going on while she was away.
The dawn began to break through the windows of her room.
Marinette thought back a couple of hours when Felix decided to go home again. Marinette was totally against it. There was no way she would risk the Black Cat miraculous being exposed to Hawk Moth, and most importantly – there was no way she would risk Felix’s safety like that!
What if Gabriel notices the difference in Felix’s behavior?!
So they decided to act immediately.
The fight was short.
Gabriel didn’t expect them to appear, even though he immediately transformed and attacked, trying to manipulate their emotions in the process.
Perhaps Felix was right, Adrien might have been too impressed that his father turned out to be a villain, and who knows how that would have ended...
Felix, on the other hand, was cold and precise in combat, and his mastery of the martial arts, paired with the miraculous of Destruction, would have left Gabriel no chance even in a one-on-one fight.
The Butterfly amulet was torn off, the broken Peacock amulet was found, along with Felix’s mother (aunt?) in the basement of the mansion. And Chat Noir stayed to sort things out while Ladybug hurried to carry the amulets far from Gabriel’s evil hands.
Marinette looked around the room, wondering where to hide them if there was no box, when the brooches fell out of her hand and hit the floor.
She looked at her hand and saw how her palm slowly dissolved into space, becoming transparent and weightless.
The last thing she thought about was how to keep in her memory everything that had happened to her over the past day.
Marinette woke up a little tired as usual, got up and dressed. Her parents greeted her with their usual good mood and fresh croissants, Tikki was hiding in her pers, her school was in the same place…
And yet a feeling that something wasn’t right didn’t leave her all morning.
Marinette entered the classroom and saw Alya waving at her, Nino and Adrien talking animatedly about something, and her whole class in the usual morning bustle.
She greeted everyone and took her seat, trying to shake the weird feeling away.
Someone walked into the classroom and Marinette looked up and met Felix’s eyes.
He paused in the doorway, wide-eyed at her, and the girl suddenly the events of yesterday flash before her as if in fast-forward.
Marinette was at home. In her world. In her body.
Either the akuma had a temporary effect or another Ladybug caught them here, but right now Marinette was definitely where she belonged.
She turned her head to look at Adrien, who was still chatting with Nino, and her gaze returned back to Felix.
The boy followed her gaze, and his face started to turn into a cold mask before her eyes.
“No!” Marinette screamed inside herself. “No!” Her mind protested, and Marinette shook her head, never taking her eyes off Felix.
She slowly got up and left the desk. She went down and walked towards him, unblinking.
Felix stood in the door like before, frozen, following her with his eyes, but his face didn’t express any emotions.
Marinette came close to him and raised her head to face Felix.
His closeness took her breath away and she felt herself suffocate as she whispered:
“I missed you.”
Felix sucked in a sharp breath and his face softened, reflecting the same emotions Marinette felt inside her now.
“I missed you too.” He whispered back, then his lips softened into a smile. “My love.”
Her lips smiled back at him.
He didn’t need to explain anything, because at this moment, Marinette was sure, they both understood what is true and what is false, and they no longer needed any code words.
Unless they were used for their intended purpose.
Felix bent down and wrapped his arms around Marinette’s waist, lifting her off the floor, and pressed his lips to hers.
[part 3/4]
New Fic - Our Future - March 29th
“Come on! You can do it! The first voice said. “She’s alone now!”
“I won’t talk to her!” Another one protested.
“You know that sooner or later it’s gonna happen!” The first one insisted.
“Maybe it won’t!” Didn’t give up the second.
To her surprise, Marinette saw Adrien and Felix, who were standing outside the door.
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tswaney17 · a year ago
I Do Bad Things with You - Part 23
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Well...here it is. This shit show I call a chapter. I really fought this one and I’m still not happy with it, but we get from point A to point B, where we needed to be and we’re just going to live with it. Side note, the other character in this chapter was originally the ONLY crossover character I had originally planned from the start - my how far we’ve come. Anyways, let me know your thoughts! 💙💜💚
Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕
If you do not wish to be tagged in my work because you no longer ship Elriel or just want to be removed in general, please let me know. No hard feelings. Hateful words will not be tolerated.
Catch up here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19**, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22 
Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘
Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault (brief description), language, NSFW
Word Count: 4,366
Elain woke to unfiltered light. Her eyes fluttered as they adjusted to the brightness, mind still a bit groggy. She felt this overwhelming sensation of warmth—cozy even—as she glanced around her room to try and get her bearings straight.
No, wait.
This wasn’t her room.
It became more obvious when she saw the single picture on the dresser near the far end of the bed. The picture of Azriel and his brothers.
The one she took.
She realized then why she felt so comforted.
Elain was in Azriel’s bedroom—in his bed.
The warmth she felt was from him.
His arms were banded around her, holding her snug to his bare chest. She could feel the heat of his skin even through the shirt she wore. His breathing stirred the hairs at her nape.
But what shocked her the most was the fact that his hold on her didn’t trigger any fear or anxiety within her. It didn’t make her breath quicken, her heart rage against her ribcage. Didn’t make that looming darkness rise up to swallow her whole.
It did, however, beg the question of why she was even in here?
The events of the previous night came flooding back to her. Kissing Azriel before they left for Ritas. Going to his club. Graysen finding her and spitting those awful words for everyone to hear.
He had thrown every single insecurity that she had desperately tried to hide, out for her entire family to see—like the words had been tattooed on her skin.
Oh, gods.
Azriel had hit him. Had punched her ex in her defense.
Something ached in her chest at him defending her.
She didn’t deserve it. Because every awful thing Graysen had said was undeniably true. Elain had tried so hard to hide that baggage from everyone else, but there was no refuting it. She was exactly everything he claimed she was.
Gold-digging whore. 
That one hurt the most.
She had struggled to pay for school, even with the scholarships she had received. Her parents had money when she was young, but they lost everything when her mother had gotten sick. Every penny they had gone to hospital bills, and when her parent’s life savings ran out, her father chose a very risky way, with some very bad people, of getting money. She could still hear his screams of pain when those awful men came and crippled his leg when they were unable to pay back his debt.
She couldn’t qualify for student loans—didn’t have the credit for it—and Elain very nearly gave up her dream when Graysen swept in. He had been adamant about helping her pay for schooling when they were together. Though she had originally refused, he eventually wore her down until she finally caved and took his support.
There was nothing she regretted more in her life than that—especially now. But she supposed he wasn’t wrong too.
Everything she had worked so hard at rebuilding within herself came crashing down by the sight of her ex and a few choice words. Every therapy session and technique seemed to crumble in her hands.
And then she had that awful nightmare. The one of her being bent over their kitchen table as he violently took what was his.
That nightmare was the worst of them all.
Because, unlike what really happened, there was never anybody there to stop him and she had to relive what Graysen had every intention of doing to her, over and over again until her body would finally jerk itself awake.
Except last night was different.
Azriel had come to save her. He had been the one to pull her from her nightmare. Had been the one to clean her up after she vomited all over her bed and herself. He had been the one to hold her and comfort her and coax her back to sleep—something she had never been able to do before.
The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.
She had previously thought she could love him again, but that wasn’t right.
Because Elain was still in love with him.
There was a reason she could lay in his bed, with his arms wrapped tightly around her. That she could allow him to massage her neck. She wasn’t afraid of him or his touch. She wasn’t frightened by him in the slightest.
Azriel made her feel safe, happy even. He made her feel cherished in a way she hadn’t felt before.
And that, in itself, was terrifying.
She had let him get too close. Had let him pass through her walls she had forged around her heart.
Her brain screamed at her, not again. To not let him back in and allow him the opportunity to shatter her heart once more. The pain she had experienced the first time was almost unbearable. Elain knew she wouldn’t survive it if he did it again—if he even wanted it to begin with.
No matter that they had kissed last night. A real kiss. That was before he got the first-hand experience at just how fucked up her head was. He didn’t deserve that.
Didn’t deserve to be dragged down by someone who wasn’t sure they could even fully give their heart away. Not after the gaping wounds left by both males she had fallen in love with.
She refused to bring him down into the mess she called her love life.
Azriel deserved to be with someone who wasn’t afraid to openly love him.
Something inside her chest clenched. Elain had once believed Azriel was the one for her. That fate didn’t necessarily deem worthy together but had chosen each other anyway. She wasn’t sure if she could do that again.
Her mind shouted at her. Out!
Tears welled in her eyes and she struggled to blink them away. She had to get out of his bed. Had to slip from his arms no matter how much it pained her to do so. But her squirming did exactly what she was trying to avoid.
Azriel stirred from behind her.
Elain tried to tuck her head into the pillow as he released her, arms slipping from around her body.
“Good morning,” he said, voice husky with sleep.
Shit, even that was beautiful to her. She had to get out of this room—couldn’t let him see the tears that started spilling over. “Morning,” she choked out.
But the bastard was so in-tune with her, he noticed immediately. He sat up abruptly, leaning over her to try and look at her face. “Elain?”
He said her name with such concern that she couldn’t hold back the cracked noise that tumbled from her throat.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, hand lightly touching her arm. “Did I overstep? I’m so sorry if I did.”
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stay here. Pushing back the covers, she struggled to climb out of bed, but he caught her wrist.
“Elain, stop, please. What’s wrong? What can I do?”
His voice broke something inside her and when she finally looked over at him, eyes rimmed red with tears rolling down her cheeks, he sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry, El. I’m so sorry.”
Oh gods, that nickname. Nobody ever called her that but him. Only him. She never even let Graysen call her that. Desperately, she tried pulling her arm back. “Please let me go,” she whispered, unable to get her voice any louder.
His face fractured. “Elain, please. Let me help.”
She sniffed, trying to pull her arm from his grasp without ripping it away. “You have to let me go,” she murmured. It sounded so final to her. “Please, just let me go.” The words held an entirely different meaning and from the way his face shattered, she knew he understood what she meant.
He released her, arm falling limply to his side. “Don’t push me away,” he said so softly, she thought that she might have imagined it. But the look of utter devastation told her otherwise.
“I’m sorry, Azriel.” Forcing her legs to move, she bolted from his room back to her own. Hot, angry tears fell down her cheeks in full force. She didn’t think she would ever get that look on his face out of her head.
That’s what he looked like.
He had been broken by what she said—what she did.
It had hurt her heart to be the one making him feel like that, but she had to pull away. She had to separate herself from him.
She couldn’t do this again. Couldn’t put herself in a position to make herself vulnerable again. She had to pull away. Needed to put space between them.
Breathing became difficult and Elain knew she was on the verge of a full-scale panic attack. Following her therapist’s instructions, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She forced the sounds around her to go quiet as she focused on breathing.
The intake of air through her nose and out through her mouth.
Ignored the feeling of the dampness on her cheeks.
Pushed aside the ache in her chest until her heart rate slowed. Until she wasn’t gasping for air.
The sound of her phone buzzing caught her attention. Sniffing, she walked to her nightstand to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Elain, it’s Thesan. I have an appendectomy in Urgent Care that I wanted you to take lead on. Are you available?”
“Yes,” she croaked. Clearing her throat, she added, “Yes, I can be there in thirty minutes.”
There was a pause on the other line.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she lied, knowing she needed to get out of this building. “I’ll see you soon.” Not letting him respond, she hung up. Quickly, she fired off a text to Nuala and Cerridwen, asking if either of them could pick her up and take her to the hospital, not trusting herself to be in the car alone with Azriel at the moment.
Cerridwen replied almost immediately, stating she would be there in fifteen minutes.
Knowing she was short on time, Elain rushed into the bathroom to get ready.
Azriel stood in the kitchen, hands on the edge of the counter, head bent. He had struggled to breathe properly since Elain had fled from his bedroom. Since she had left him kneeling with nothing but an open, gaping wound in his chest. For someone who prided themselves on always having a plan, of always knowing and being two steps ahead, this open chasm of the unknown he was currently facing was frankly terrifying.
He had no idea what do to. Where to go from here. Something between them had cracked when she had woken up in his bed. And then she refused to let him try to make it right.
She didn’t owe him anything—he knew that—but not being able to fix whatever happened, or to apologize for it, sucked.
The coffee pot dinged as it finished and though he poured himself a cup, likely out of habit, he couldn’t take a sip. The nausea in his stomach prevented him from moving the liquid towards his lips.
He had just set his cup back on the counter when the elevator pinged open and he looked up to find Cerridwen walking into the penthouse. He raised a brow. “What are you doing here?”
She looked equally puzzled. “Elain texted Nuala and me asking if we could pick her up to take her to work.”
That had him standing up straight. “She’s not scheduled for work.” Something twisted in his gut.
Was she running from him? 
Footsteps sounded at the top of the stairs and there she was, indeed, dressed in a lovely pair of amethyst-colored scrubs.
She stopped at the bottom step as they both just stared at each other. He vaguely heard Cerridwen move back towards the elevator to give them some semblance of privacy. “I didn’t know you were working today,” he said to open the door for conversation.
Elain looked awful. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and he knew she had been crying because of him. It felt like a blow to the chest knowing he had made her that upset.
“I just got called in to run a procedure. An appendectomy.”
He nodded. “How long should it take?”
“Probably just a couple of hours.” Finally, she moved away from the stairs and into the kitchen.
He stepped aside and let her make her coffee. His hands twitched to do it for her, but he didn’t want to do anything else to make her more upset, so he shoved them into the pockets of his grey sweatpants. Not knowing what else to do, Azriel leaned back against the counter and crossed his feet at the ankles. “I can pick you up when you’re finished. I’ll head over about noon.”
Elain turned, coffee mug in hand. “I don’t want to inconvenience you.”
Is that what she thought she was? An inconvenience? “You’re not. I hadn’t planned on doing anything specific today anyways.”
A lie.
He had planned on having that conversation they put off last night before they left. But that plan went out the door with her this morning.
She just stood there, staring at his face. Like she could see the lie. Her shoulders slumped forward in defeat. “Okay,” she whispered, the word an arrow to his heart. Her head ducked and she stepped away from him.
Azriel had no idea what possessed him to do it, but he reached out and caught her wrist, her name tumbled from his lips—a broken plea.
Her face cracked at the sound, at the desperate tone of voice.
It made the last bit of his resolve fade. “I’ll see you after work,” he finally said after too many moments of silence. His eyes searched her face, looking for what—he didn’t know.
She gave him a quick nod and what could only be described as a watery smile before she pulled her arm from his grasp and met Cerridwen at the elevator.
Elain didn’t look at him as the doors closed. Her gaze was focused on the floor in front of her.
He felt his entire being shatter as those doors shut between them. Azriel slid against the counter to the floor and let the emotions consume him. There was nothing he could do as a sob tore out of his throat. He let the feelings he buried deep within himself out. Every shadowed corner of his heart and soul longed to go after her—to stop her from leaving him permanently, but he knew if he did that, he would’ve been no better than her ex.
Azriel refused to be like that. Refused to hold her back in his darkness when she was destined to shine. So, he took that truth—the one he wanted to tell her today—and drowned it until the very light of his being went out.
And then he wept on the floor of his kitchen for the love he could not have.
Elain took a breath and knocked on the door in front of her.
“Come in,” came a feminine answer.
She pushed open the door, offering a pathetic excuse of a smile to the woman on the other side of the oak desk.
“Elain,” Yrene breathed, eyes widening. “Hi, come in, come in,” she said, rising out of her chair and motioning for her to sit on the couch.
She did as told and sat, dropping her bag on the floor. “Do you have a patient right now or have time to squeeze me in?”
Yrene sat on an opposing chair, notebook in hand, and set a recorder down on the table between them. “I don’t have anything scheduled for a couple of hours.” She offered her a soft smile. “I would ask you how you’ve been, but I think your presence here answers that question. So, tell me what’s going on.”
Elain took a deep breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth. Her fingers twisted together in her lap, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the psychiatrist in front of her. “I moved in with my ex,” she blurted.
Yrene’s eyes widened, mouth opening. “Elain, your ex-fiancé?”
“No! Oh, gods no,” she shook her head adamantly. “My ex from high school.” The relief on the doctor’s face made her chuckle. “It’s a temporary living situation.”
Her head cocked to the side. “I had no idea you were still in contact with him.”
“I don’t,” Elain began. “Or I wasn’t.” Her eyes darted down to the recorder sitting on the small coffee table. “Can we have this conversation, off the record?”
Something desperate must’ve shown on her face because Yrene leaned down and flipped the recorder off and set her notebook down next to it. She offered her a reassuring smile. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Elain took a deep breath before she launched into her story. She didn’t hold anything back—knowing she could trust Yrene to keep everything to herself—needing not just professional advice, but words from a friend. It took her over an hour to get through everything.
From the hold up at the bank over two months before, to that morning when she woke up in Azriel’s bed, wrapped up in his arms.
She told her about the threat. About Azriel getting shot. About their kiss at the gala for show versus the one they had last night. Elain laid herself bare while her therapist listened, asked questions for clarification, and nodded along to everything she said.
“That was, quite a story,” she said when Elain had finished.
“I’m at a loss here. I don’t know what to do—where to go from here.”
Yrene seemed to consider this. “Given everything you know about him, what he does or has done in the past, and what he could very well do in the future—are you afraid of him?”
It was a direct question—one that Elain didn’t even need to think about her answer for. “No. I know he would never hurt me.” She slid he clammy palms down the front of her scrubs. “But I think I’m afraid of what he does.”
And that was the truth of the matter. Elain was not afraid of Azriel himself, just of the life he lived. And she wasn’t sure if she could turn a blind eye to that part of him. The one who took the law into his own hands and dealt out punishment.
Judge. Jury. Executioner.
“I took an oath when I became a doctor to do no harm. How can I accept what he’s done or will do when I’ve sworn to be the opposite?”
Yrene gave her a sad smile. “I think the only person who can answer that question is you, Elain. You have to decide if you can live with what he is. If your love for him outweighs the risk of being with him would bring, in addition to who he is.” She glanced down at her watch. “I hate to cut this short, but my next appointment will be here in about ten minutes.”
Elain looked at the clock on the table next to her. She’d been here for almost two hours. “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize how long it’s been.”
The other doctor picked up her recorder and notebook and set them back on her desk. “No worries, Elain. You know my door is always open for you.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate that.”
“Did you want to schedule another appointment?”
“No, I think I’m okay for now. I just needed to get everything off my chest.”
Yrene nodded. “If I may pass my impartial advice, but perhaps some distance is what you need to clear your head. Do with that what you will.”
She smiled, nodding in understanding.
After saying their goodbyes, Elain headed for the elevator. She felt overwhelmed as she rode down to the hospital lobby area. Her impromptu therapy session helped her breakthrough those inner walls, but it also gave her a lot of questions to answer and things to think about.
She was in love with Azriel. And she knew she couldn’t—knew she wouldn’t be able to hide it from him if she kept living with him. He had captured her so thoroughly, and she needed to find a way out from underneath him.
The doors opened on the ground floor to a commotion at the nurse’s station.
“What do you mean she’s been out of surgery for almost two hours? Where is she?”
The nurse was as pale as a ghost at his voice. “I do—I don’t know, sir,” she stuttered.
“Azriel?” she called, though his name sounded more like a question. She stood frozen in place as he whipped around and spotted her.
Relief flooded his face and he stalked towards her. “Elain,” he murmured, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.
His midnight mist and cedar scent washed over, calming her racing heart.
He tucked her under his chin, his hand threading through her hair to cradle the back of her head. “I was so scared. They said your surgery had ended almost two hours ago and you were off the clock.” He pulled back enough to look down at her, his eyes lined with worry. “Where were you?”
She swallowed hard. “I, um. I went to see my therapist.”
Concern melted into understanding on his face. “About last night?”
Elain nodded, though it was more than just about last night. She knew she needed to tell him that she had to leave, but in her heart, it felt so wrong. The words seemed to choke her as he tucked her under his arm—almost as if he were afraid she would disappear.
It made everything that much worse.
“Let’s go home.”
The word home clanged through her mind. Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods! She couldn’t—she had to stop this. Even as they reached the outside of the hospital and his car loomed closer, stopping him became harder and harder.
Mustering all the courage she had, Elain planted her feet—much like she did that night of the gala—and pulled free from his grasp.
Azriel turned to look at her, brow cocked. “Elain?” he questioned, concern creeping into his voice. “Is everything all right?”
She could read every emotion on his face. The anguish he seemed to know was coming, the fear of what she was about to do. Elain never wanted to be the person to put those expressions on his face, but that’s exactly what she did. Her throat felt tight—constricted to the point of pain. “I can’t,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry?”
She shook her head. “I need to go home,” she said, looking down at her sneakers.
“To get something?”
The false hope in his voice nearly made her cave.
Again, she shook her head. “No, I need to go home. Permanently.” Elain was surprised at how strong the words sounded.
His face shattered. “Elain if this is about this morning—” he started, taking a step towards her.
But she countered with a step backward. A sob threatened to choke her. “I can’t,” she said again, defeated.
“You can,” he tried but she just shook her head, refusing to look at his face.
“I’m sorry, Azriel. But I need to go home.” The words were barely a whisper yet he still heard them.
“It’s still not safe for you.”
Her damn broke. “I don’t care, Azriel! I don’t care,” she cried. Tears were running down her face like steady rivers. “I can’t stay with you anymore. I just can’t. Her arms wrapped around herself. “You have to take me home,” she sniffed. “Please just take me home.” Her voice broke on the last bit, making her shoulders curl inward.
For a minute, neither of them said anything, but she could feel Azriel’s gaze on her like a brand.
Assessing her.
“Okay,” he whispered.
Her head shot up and she felt her throat close as she saw the silver lining his eyes he was desperately trying to hold back. Elain’s chest hollowed out at the sight of him.
He cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ll take you home.” Azriel stepped aside, to let her pass him to his car.
The ride was silent, but as her building loomed closer, she could feel the tension beginning to escalate.
“I’ll have the twins drop off your stuff tomorrow while you’re at work,” he said, looking at his hands on the stirring wheel. “I would still like them to pick you up and drop you off here if you’re okay with that.” His voice was too soft—it made something deep inside her ache.
“I’m okay with that,” she whispered into the silence that had enveloped them. “Just not the Moonbeam twins, please.” She wasn’t sure if she could handle their prying questions. Elain noticed how tightly his fists clenched the wheel, turning the harsh scars that scattered across them even paler, but he nodded in agreement. “Thank you,” she finally murmured, placing her hand on the door handle. Even though he refused to make eye contact with her, she said anyways, “Goodbye, Azriel.”
The tone of her voice made it clear—this was their final goodbye. She would never see him again.
When he finally looked back at her, Elain almost caved. She almost released the door handle to crawl over to him, to wrap her arms around his neck, and hold him close.
“Goodbye, Elain.” The devastation was written plainly on his face.
And it absolutely broke her. She had been so concerned in trusting him with her heart, that she never imagined it would be her he couldn’t trust with his. Forcing herself to move, she climbed out, glancing one last time backward at the male she loved only to find him watching her already.
Elain felt the rift open up beneath her feet as she walked away from him, and let it swallow her whole.
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dabisqueen · 10 months ago
The Captured Pt.3
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Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi
⇢ rating: 18+
⇢ word count: roughly 4K
⇢ plot: Being held hostage at the LOV HQ, you are Shigarakis "spoils", but can't help falling for Dabi. This makes for a troublesome situation.
⇢ warnings: 18+, noncon, rape, mean Shiggy, soft Dabi, blood, cum, creampie, smut, alcohol, force, vaginal sex, oral sex (male receiving), orgasm, threatening of quirk use
personal note: where do i start. it got longer than anticipated so there will also be a part 4! geez... ok, this one i still had a hard time writing the plot and its twist. but i think it will all come together nicely in the end.
Pt.2 / Pt.4
Time passed as I got accustomed to my new situation. I knew by now I was never going to have my old life back, never going to get free. To the outside, I was missing, probably dead and I felt like I was not the girl I used to be - and would probably never be. I had unknowingly become part of the League, but I actually liked it. Dabi's room had become mine, even Shigaraki didn't mind about it, for Dabi slept most of the time on the couch in the lounge. The tight work schedule of the League made it impossible to find time for each other and Shigaraki, being completely engulfed in his leadership goals, hadn't come up to me either.
One evening most members were out and I was left alone with Toga supervising me. We were at the bar, I had been drinking a couple of gin tonics as we were stuck in conversation. Toga suddenly had her elbows on the table and leaned in so close I could feel her breath on my face. She chirped with her happiest voice “Forgot to tell you: got a special date today. Can you help me get pretty, please?” she grinned at me with an eager mewl, eyes almost squinting.
I sighed, “Ok, but no sticking knives in me, got that?” She crossed her heart and grinned “Promise!”
Squealing with joy she grabbed my hand and guided me to her room. Once there, she retrieved a bag from the bathroom, stuffed with all sorts of makeup. Sitting her down in a chair, I knelt in front of her and grabbed an eyeliner, unscrewing the top. She shivered in excitement, all the while licking her lips, eyeing me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Turning towards her, I started applying the makeup on her, faces only inches away from each other. I noticed her excited hot breath fanning my face, smelling like bubblegum.
"So, uhm, who's your date?“ I questioned, hovering in front of her.
Before I knew it she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her, her soft warm lips locking with mine. I was frozen in surprise as she pulled back and whispered “You…” and then I felt a sting in my fingertip. I jolted away from her, looking down at my finger. Blood started oozing out of a hole in the tip of my finger, slowly running down my finger.
“Fuck, Toga!” I yelled at her, while she giggled and wiggled a large syringe needle in her hand, “No knife, see?”
“Brat!” I spat out, staring at her, stunned. There was an awkward moment of silence between us as the blood started dripping on the floor.
“Please, just one lick?” She begged, eyes gleaming with pure desire, a smile like a thousand volts in her face as she kept licking her lips.
“Geez Toga...” I mumbled as I suddenly felt the alcohol kick in while the adrenaline wore off. Without any time to react, she grabbed my finger and pulled it towards her mouth. Her tongue came out and, sliding it up, she collected all the blood on it. I gasped as she closed her plush warm lips around my finger, cheeks hollowing as she started sucking on it. Her eyes narrowed, as she kept relentlessly pulling the blood out of my finger. With a plop, she released it, my red juice pooling rapidly on the tip from the suction and she opened her mouth. Dark red, thick fluid covered her tongue, puddling around it. I felt nausea creeping up inside me as she closed her eyes, swirling it around in her mouth before visibly swallowing it. She opened her mouth again, now empty, and grinned sharp and wide.
“You're sick,” I groaned as I staggered off to the door on wobbly legs.
Toga kept calling after me "Awhh… that wasn't that bad! Please stay!"
But I ignored her and continued on to Dabi's room. Nausea kept stirring my insides as I stumbled into it, ripping open the bathroom door and convulsing over the toilet, vomiting into it. As nausea finally subsided, I leaned back, feeling heavy with foreboding rumbling deep inside my core as I hung my head and cried.
Shigaraki had been out with the other members to meet another villain group to potentially join forces. The evening had stretched itself out, I had been left alone for the first time. I sat in the lounge and played with some cards, getting myself a drink once in a while.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the familiar purple warp gates opening and each member, one by one, appeared through it. At least I thought so. As Shigaraki passed through the gate, covered in his hands, I could feel something was off. He was fuming with anger, his whole body shaking, while everyone else seemed in a gloomy mood, hurrying to shuffle out of his way. He stomped to the bar, hissing and cursing, as Kurogiri almost flew behind the counter to pour him a whiskey. He grabbed it, lifted "Father" for a moment and chugged it in one go. Still ranting to himself his glaring red eyes darted across the room as if he was looking for something. Finally, his crazed gaze fell upon me, his eyes narrowing.
"You..." he glared at me across the room.
Everyone went silent, all eyes on me.
Shigaraki slowly approached me, his hand stretched out as he rasped an undeniable order "My room, now."
My eyes widened with fear, I stumbled to my feet, tripping backward against the chairs,
"N- no, please…" I stuttered out, shaking my head frantically.
"I said my room," his voice was even more chilling than before. As I still didn't respond, he darted towards me. With no time to react, he grabbed my wrist and jerked me with him towards the door. I stumbled after him, protesting, tears starting to well in my eyes as I looked over my shoulders.
Everyone stood unmoved, no one had the guts to speak up. Toga even wiggled her fingers after me with a sheepish grin on her face. And then my eyes found Dabi’s. His face placid, he watched me being pulled out of the room. His behavior felt treacherous, I was hurt, lost as I pleaded "Dabi please help!" but all he did was avert his eyes and then he disappeared out of sight as Shigaraki coached me through the door into the hallway.
Being dragged after him, I stumbled a few times trying to keep up with his pace. Once at his room, he kicked his door open and yanked me inside, having me lose my footing and fall to the floor on all fourths. He slammed the door shut behind me and rasped "Undress."
“N- No, I won't!” I shook, scrambling to my feet.
"You're testing my patience, little Spoils," he hissed, approaching me with five fingers pointing at me.
I felt the built-up anger inside me bubble up and couldn't contain myself anymore. If he were to dust me, then be it! “Fine, jerk!” I yelled at him, aware of the danger I was getting myself into by saying that. Hands shaking I fumbled on my button and zipper, slowly pulling down my pants. Shigaraki ignored my harsh tone though and turned towards a dresser on the side. Not leaving me out of his sight he one by one unhinged the hands off of him and placed them neatly into a drawer.
As I stood only in my underwear in the middle of the room, he strode towards me and grabbed my wrist. Ignoring my loud protests he pulled me towards the bed and pushed me belly down onto it. I cringed when he pried open my legs, kneeling between them. The rustling of his pants being undone was accompanied by my pleas not to hurt me again. But he kept ignoring me, prodding one finger inside, slowly gliding in and out.
"So hot for me…" he snarled, red eyes glowing with excitement, as he licked his dry lips.
"Shigaraki, don't make me fucking bleed again!" I cried out, lifting my arms, trying to prop myself up. But his right hand grabbed the back of my head and pressed it down into the sheets.
"Shut up!" His voice full of irritation.
My complaints were muffled by the sheets as he prodded himself at my entrance, pushing my panties aside. His left hand pressed against my back, thumb curled in, pinning my body against the mattress as he sheathed himself inside me with one strong thrust. I wailed into the sheets at his forceful intrusion.
The stretch from his girth was still unbearable. I groaned as he started pumping himself into me, letting out angry huffs as he kept muttering fucking yakuza… fuckin' brat… should have dusted him… I whimpered into the sheets as he continued pounding into me. By the time he came, I felt that dull pain in my core again and anger almost boiled over inside me. As he caught his breath and pulled out, reaching for his pants, I jerked around and yelled at him "Fuck, Shigaraki, you need to stop doing that!” I almost cried, “Can't keep on hurting me like that, if you call yourself the 'boss' around here!" He growled at my outburst but before he could react I pushed him aside, his eyes glinting with surprise, grabbed my clothes and stumbled out of the room.
Ignoring the dull pain in my core and the hot fluids dripping down my legs, I started staggering down the hallway. As I got closer to the stairs, I saw a familiar figure standing at the end of the hallway, resting against the wall. Dabi looked at me with an unmoving expression in his cerulean eyes. I didn't even stop, just pushed past him as I continued my way to the stairs. He followed me and held out his hand, rumbling lowly, a bit abashed “Here, lemme help" as I swayed a bit. But I swapped it away in anger and growled at him "Don't you dare touch me, " as I continued my way up to his room, leaving him standing deserted in the hallway.
I went straight to the bathroom, got undressed and took a shower, washing all the smut off me. I sank to the floor as an uncontrolled flow of tears started mixing with the hot water running down my face.
Life went on as usual in the headquarters. The League was out a lot, recruiting more, doing some successful quests, that the news later on talked about, as we all watched TV at the lounge bar. Their increased activity had me spare more intimate time with Shigaraki and Dabi. It was a much-needed break, giving me the possibility to cope with my new life, trying to figure out how I could fit into it. As for Dabi, I distanced myself from him, avoiding him whenever possible. I needed time, thinking about his obscurr attitude towards me in the past. So whenever he entered the lounge, I usually sat down at Shigaraki’s side or scooted off to the furthest corner. When we met in the hallway, I avoided eye contact, looking straight ahead and just passed by.
Dabi became increasingly on edge by my behavior. He didn't know how to cope with my anger. His irritation showed in his increased aggressiveness, repeatedly snapping at the other members. Everyone started being on edge with him, even more than they used to do. Toga kept complaining to me about his erratic behavior and repeated outbursts. Not as if that was anything unusual, but it had become more frequent. Even though I tried avoiding him, he somehow managed to be a constant presence in my periphery. He hung around to just watch me, reclining back in his chair looking half-asleep and completely disinterested, but I could see how he was constantly shooting me glances. During meetings in the lounge, he leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest and kept watching me with those unmoving ice blue eyes.
Despite those troubling circumstances, I started to get accustomed to the rest of the members. I grew really fond of Spinner and Twice, even Kurogiri became sort of a father figure for me with his constant concern over us. Toga was still an annoying crazy little brat who never missed a chance to draw blood from me, but I started thinking of her as the younger sister I never had. Whenever she kept asking for cuddles I couldn't help but give in to her, wrapping my arms around her, while she gave me an almost bruising hug back, snuggling into me and calling me her “Big Sis.”
Shigaraki - he turned out to be a handful. After I had lost my temper with him that one night, he seemed a bit apprehensive around me. He started fiddling with his fingers and phone when I was close, shooting me nervous glances. He kept looking at me with his burning red eyes, intrigued, curious as to what I was doing. Whenever there was a meeting or we just sat at the bbar he demanded me to be next to him. He snickered when he saw me snapping at Dabi. Whenever I huddled over to the other members, conversing and laughing with them, he kept eyeing me with interest.
Dabi on the other hand grew more agitated the closer Shigaraki kept me by his side, disagreeing during meetings, ignoring certain commands, just being more of his usual asshole-self towards him. And that didn't go unnoticed by Shigaraki, as he kept getting more aggrivated by his behavior.
It was one of those days they had been out again for recruitment and after they returned through the portals back into the lounge, Shigaraki turned towards me.
“Sit with me,” he rasped dryly as usual and slumped down at the bar. I reluctantly joined him, noticing that he seemed pretty agitated.
On the other side of the bar, Dabis had slouched down on a stool, whiskey in his hand, half-lidded eyes staking nonchalantly at me. Toga pranced over, leaning into me, purring and letting me stroke her hair. Even though no one said anything, there was an unspoken tension in the air. I looked at Shigaraki from the side, trying to figure out what was going on.
“What are you staring at,” he scowled irritably.
“Just seeing what mood you're in.” I shrugged.
He didn't react, as his eyes went up to Kurogishi to order us a drink. As the evening continued, we drank in silence but I couldn't shrug off the feeling that something was off between him and Dabi. They had not spoken a word since they came back. I was a bit tipsy, as Kurogiri kept placing drinks in front of me on behalf of Shigaraki. The tension-filled air, the weird vibes between the members made me feel uncomfortable and a heavy weight started suffocating me. Unexpectedly, all the stress and frustration, all the hurt and heartache of those last weeks, months of living in this place, came crashing down on me. It had been too much, too much of everything. Tears started glistening in my eyes as I felt every nerve in my body vibrate with feverish exhilaration, like strings singing with tension, ready to snap any moment. And that moment came sooner than I expected.
As Mr. Compress, a new member, approached Shigaraki, calling him “boss”, that certain something snapped inside me. The way Shigaraki had been handling me in his room was beyond “boss”-behavior and had left a sour taste in my mouth. I was barely able to suppress a giggle pressing itself up my throat. Shigaraki shot me an annoyed glance and Dabi cocked his head, honest concern starting to mix in with his usual bored expression. As they kept continuing the conversation, I couldn't control myself anymore and kept giggling every time I heard that specific word, a laughing fit slowly but surely starting to build up inside of me. Shigaraki grew increasingly annoyed by my behavior, his body started to tense, his idle hand curved into a fist and his leg nervously bouncing up and down. Once in a while his hand shot up so scratch his neck, until I could see small red patches. At one point I totally lost it, snorting, choking on my drink, not being able to suppress the frantic giggles creeping up, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks.
There was a wet splattering sound and I looked up to see Shigaraki, who clutched the remnants of his glass with all five of his fingers. What was left of it kept disappearing, turning into dust and the whiskey inside had splashed all over the counter. All heads jerked up as the scene unraveled before them.
He was shaking, face hidden behind his white messy hair as his lips parted and he breathed out in a low scratch, warning tone “Do you have a problem?"
I swallowed down my giggles, still nervous. I realized I had crossed a line and there was no way out for me.
His red crimson eyes shot up at me, his voice now trembling with rage, "I asked, if you have a problem!”
I fumbled with my fingers, which started to get sweaty and sticky. "I- I’m sorry… boss” and my body started shaking again with laughter, too exhausted from the last weeks straining experiences to care.
Shigaraki slowly slid off his stool and I watched him approach in horror, still sobbing with frantic uncontrollable giggles. So fast I couldn't even react, his hand shot up and wrapped around my throat, pinkie hovering dangerously close to my skin. He leaned forward into my face, red eyes burning into mine. I could smell his breath, induced with alcohol as he rasped out "I think I need to fuck those giggles out of you and show you who the boss is. Don't you think, little Spoils?" And with that he pulled me off the stool, my hands cutching his wrist, that was still grabbing my throat. I kept apologizing, pleading with him to let me go as suddenly a low growl emenated through the room "Stop touching her."
Shigaraki stopped dead in his tracks, still clutching my throat. Silence spread through the room like before an upcoming storm, and it had the hair at the back of my neck stand on end. Kurogiri nonchalantly turned off the TV and moved closer, ready to step in if necessary.
“Get your fucking hands off her,” Dabi growled again more viciously from where he slid off the stool at the bar, “She's not going anywhere.”
Shigaraki turned around slowly, staring at Dabi. "Oh, is that so?” I was stunned by Dabi's behavior as I tried to loosen Shigaraki's grip on my throat and was finally released. I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath, stumbling a few feet away.
“Are you gonna fight me?” Shigaraki rasped dryly, turning his attention towards Dabi, who hissed back, teeth exposed in a vicious smile. “I might, jackass."
"Over some spoils?" Shigaraki raised an eyebrow.
Dabi looked at him and I could see all the rage and frustration that built up over me, bubbling just beneath the surface for the last weeks, erupting at that moment. He let out a low rumbling sound, eyes burning with anger now, "She's no spoils, she’s my girl."
Shigaraki seemed to weigh up something, tilting his head. My heart was pounding out of my chest now, I had never seen Shigaraki this eerily calm before. His eyes moved between Dabi and me, his voice raspy and cold when he finally spoke, sending shivers up my spine. "Oh- I understand... You've been fucking her," he snarled and then it all happened very fast. A blur of movement, Shigaraki jumped towards Dabi with one swift move, hand stretched out, ready to strike. Dabi simultaniously shot his arm up, blue flames ready to shoot out of his palm, the smell of kindling suddenly suffocatingly strong. They were on a collision course and someone was about to die. Kurogiri was ready to step in but before he could I heard myself cry out “Stop!" Both villains froze, standing right across from each other, red orbs gleaming viciously at cold cerulean eyes - and that's when I realized what I had to do.
I moved before I thought, wound myself in between those outstretched arms, careful not to touch either of them. I winced at the heat of Dabi’s flames only inches away from me, Shigaraki's hand almost touching my face. Every muscle tense, I stared into Shigaraki's gleaming eyes and watched his hand tremble. The entire room held their breath as the other members watched the scene in front of them unravel.
"Shigaraki," my voice shaking, “please stop," His eyes narrowed and glared at me between tufts of pale hair.
"Why should I, Spoils?" he sneered coldly.
“Because there is no need to fight. I will go with you.” I said resolutely.
I heard Dabi hissing a growl behind me, blue flames pulsating and gushing with each of his heavy breaths.
Shigaraki stood unmoving, his eyes taking me in, visibly contemplating. Then his lips curled up and he let out a scratchy snicker, looking up at Dabi. "Ok, but I am only doing this to teach that sorry ass of a patchface over there a lesson - for having fucked you," he grinned wide.
"No," Dabi growled at me, desperation weaved into his voice. His eyes shot at his boss behind me and back to me. I turned around towards blue flickering lights licking at me, determination in my voice, leaving no place for arguments “Dabi, I am going with him."
His eyes froze at those words. For a split second, I could see his facade sway, turmoil flickering in his mesmerizing eyes, but he composed himself again, same cold expression on his face again.
"You're faking… " he snarled, staring at me.
Not saying a word, I stepped backward until I was leaning against Shigarakis body, feeling his hot breath against my ear, his chest rise and fall with each tensed breath. Red bloodshed eyes bore into cerulean ones as Shigaraki stared at him from behind my back, arm still outstretched. Dabi gritted his teeth as Shigaraki’s chapped lips stretched into a wide, eerie smile. He placed his free hand around my throat, pinkie raised as he tilted my head to the side and licked slowly along my pulse, never averting his eyes from Dabi. Agonizing seconds passed as he stared at Shigaraki, then at me. I was frozen, pinned in place by the heavy judgment written in his face. But then he backed down, blue flames dying as he lowered his hand, averting his eyes with a scowl. The gesture was small but there was an acknowledgment of defeat.
Shigaraki's lips curled up in a mock grin.
“Let’s go have some fun then,” he rasped lowly into my ear and pulled us towards the hallway.
Dabi watched us leave, a strained expression on his face. As soon as we were gone, he let out a feral scream, kicking chairs and tables out of his way. His hands started smoking, an eerie blue light dancing in his palms as he stared at the other villains with hurt anger, turned on his heel and stormed towards the exit. He crashed his boot against it and it flung open, hinges aching under the brute force. The last thing to see were the ragged edges of his coat as he disappeared into the dark of the night.
@scruffymctee @sage-malf0y @undefined--person
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domthedevil · a year ago
I'm absolutely loving your gentle series, could you maybe do Beel next? 👉👈
Big Beel is already so gentle and this made me weak in the knees. I don’t know what it is about this series but it’s so fun to write. Thank you for sending this in! Also is 3 AM so ignore my horrible errors.
Be Gentle pt 4
Warnings: Beel x AFAB!MC, loss of virginity
The stupid way Asmo and Mammon bickered over who you liked better only made Beel’s stomach rumble. Thinking there were better places to be, Beel crept out of the room and made his way to your room. He remembered you’d brought a special snack from the Human World for him. And he’d be lying if he said the previous conversation didn’t make him want to see you.
Hearing a knock on your door - a single loud thunk, you called for Beel to come in in response. Joyfully he walked in to see you relaxing in bed. He forgot you had been waiting for him to give this gift the him. He apologized softly before sitting behind you on the bed, wrapping his arms around you and the small present you held. Beel’s chin rested on your shoulder as your cheeks grew warm.
“I got a present from home. It’s my favorite.” Kissing his cheek softly you opened the box to show him the treat you had picked out just for him. That little dribble of drool you thought was adorable grazed your cheek. “B-Beel!!”
“S-Sorry!” He clumsily wiped his mouth and your cheek with the sleeve of his jacket. Your laugh assured him that you weren’t actually mad. Shifting to sit in his lap facing him, hands on his shoulders, you kissed his cheek again. Beel noticed hot warm your cheek was against his when you spoke lowly.
“Actually Beel...I was hoping I could ask you something?”
“Of course!” Beel managed to make out in between bites.
“MC...Im really happy.” His red cheeks framed the huge smile across his face. “I want to...be close to you.”
“You’re being too honest.” You nervously laughed. “But...if it’s you Beel, I know you’ll be gentle.”
“Of course.”
His husky voice brushed against Your lips as he kissed you softly. Too softly. But you smiled as he slowly pressed against you harder. Broad arms shed the jacket he normally wore, followed by his shirt. He knew they wouldn’t be missed. Now that they were bare, Beel’s arms wrapped around you tightly.
A small moan slipped through your puffy lips. Beel’s tongue wrestled yours into submission. His kisses were so different from anyone else’s. He knew how to work this muscle to achieve its peak performance. He groaned in response before further exploring your mouth. These small noises you made while he kissed you drove him insane. Beel blushed slightly as he thought about coming the other night to the thought of this. Of sharing this experience.
Rubbing his chest, soft but firm under your finger tips, your hips rocked slowly against his. Parting a moment from the intoxicating kiss, you let out a subtle gasp for air. Beel’s big hands travelled to your hips. Holding them still as he used his own hips to rub against you. The rough way he pressed his hardening cock against you made you wet. He was an impressive size. And you worried for a moment what it would feel like.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you MC.” His low soothing voice resounded in your core.
Holding you close, he rolled you both over. A little too eagerly, Beel helped you out of your clothing. Seeing you naked in front of him had that same small trail of drool run down his chin. You felt a little embarrassed, but flattered all the same. Wiping his mouth clean again, he lied onto you so that he could kiss you, and trail down to your sensitive nubs. A shaky moan from your excited voice made his member twitch with need.
“Is this good MC?” Beel needed validation and confirmation.
“You can be...a little rougher.” Your voice was small but laced with lust. Arms on his shoulders, you braces your self as his teeth nibbled around your peaks. Sucking and licking hungrily. “Nngh-! Y-yes...that’s good.”
As your hands tangle in his bright locks, his hands traveled under you. Your hips twitch at the feeling of his rough finger against your clit. Huffing Beel’s name quietly, he moved his finger in tight circles against the sensitive bundle of nerves. Making small waves of heat run through you. Beel grew harder the more you said his name. Fuck he was trying so hard to hold back. But this was about you, not just him.
Slipping a finger into your entrance, Beel was met with little resistance, though it felt as if it were two of your own fingers at once. You had already soaked the underwear you’d been wearing earlier,helping him ease into you. His second finger made your voice crack. Though not too thick or long, his fingers were still able to stretch parts of you that you’d never felt before. Beel whispered small encouragements as he worked to stretch you more.
“Does it hurt MC? I’ll stop if it does.”
“N-No. Don’t stop now.”
“You’re doing so well MC. Relax and let me take care of you.”
Moving away a moment, Beel’s face turned a deep red as he watched you watching him. Slowly the buckle on his belt and underwear descended and there you gazed upon his cock for the first time. He was intimidating, but you still bit your bottom lip with desire. The glazed look in your eye made Beel’s heart pound.
Holding your thighs together with his hands, Beel pulled you to the edge of your bed. Holding your legs vertically, he aligned his cock with the space between your thighs and swollen clit.
“Squeeze your thighs MC...I want to show you a little...how it’s going to feel.”
Following his suggestion and squeezing your legs tightly together, Beel thrusted his cock between your legs, tucked right above your dripping sex and slamming the tip of his cock against your clit. You couldn’t stop the moans leaving you breathless. Gripping at the sheets below you and twisting with pleasure only encouraged Beel to thrust faster and harder.
A deep burning in your core started to become unbearable. Every ridge on his shaft covered itself in your delicious slick. Your sensitive pearl being roughly pressed sent wave after wave of ecstasy over you. Soon it crashed against your shores. Walls clenching around nothing, your first orgasm had your hips twitching. Beel had to stop himself from drooling again as he admired your lewd expression. His hips had stopped once he realized your moans were growing sexier and sexier.
“M-more. Beel I want more...” you managed to puff and pant out as you spread your legs.
“I love you MC.” He held your hands in his large and rough ones. Rubbing his slick covered dick in short thrusts and pressing the tip of his cock inside you, your relaxed walls and wet pussy wanted to suck him inside. However he was going to move slow. Easing himself in, Beel groaned as it passed inside of you for the first time. You hissed loudly, holding back the cry you wanted to let out. A few small tears fell as your breathing regulated. A sharp pain had scared you a moment, but it had faded to a dull ache.
“Beel...I love you.” Your shaky voice rang out as he continued to sink himself into your warmth. “It feels so strange but...it feels so good too.”
“Do you want me to move?”
You nodded as your arms wrapped around his neck. Placing a soft kiss to your cheek, he lifted his hips in slow thrusts. Letting the feeling of his dick pulling in and out of you linger each time he moved. Licking soothingly on your neck he moved as evenly as possible.
“Is that good?”
“Mmn...m-more Beel.”
His grin and the glimmer in his amethyst eyes made you fall even more in love with him. As his hips sped up he began to press against a very sensitive spot. With how much he was stretching you it felt like every thrust built the heat in your core.
He loved how vocal you were. Hearing how much you liked it encouraged him. Gave him freedom to indulge as well. Knowing he was the first to see this side of you made him blush furiously. This sight was just for him. Straightening his back, Beel looked down at you as he bounced you up and down his cock. Seeing the full picture made his orgasm quicken. And soon your name fell from his lips like a spell he had to remember for class.
“Beel I’m close again. It’s so tight and hot. W-what do I do?” There was a slight panic in your tone.
“Shhh...hold on to me.”
Wrapping his arms around your torso again, Beel buried his face into your neck. Your hasty moans and whimpers made him drool uncontrollably. This time there was no stopping it. But you were too focused on the burning coil about to spring inside you.
“Coming...” Beel could barely make out your whine. But he knew he had heard you clearly when your walls flexed and pulsed and squeezed around him. A deep guttural sound echoed in your room as Beel unexpectedly felt himself come inside you. You begged him to still a moment as your whole body twitched and adjusted back to gravity. Your orgasm had run so deep your toes were numb.
“MC. Are you...?” Beel’s voice trailed off as he finished cleaning you and himself up. Still nude, he rested on the bed beside you. Locking eyes with yours.
“I’m great Beel. That was so amazing.” You bit your lip again, looking at him with bedroom eyes. “Can we...do it again?”
Letting out a hearty chuckle, Beel lifted you so that you straddled his waist above him.
“Anything for you MC.”
“You’re drooling Beel...”
This is a continuation of a request. Read more here:
Be Gentle (Levi x AFAB!MC)
Be Gentle (Belphegore x AFAB!MC)
Be Gentle (Satan x AFAB!MC)
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royalydamned-archive · 4 months ago
Second Chances 
(Michael Demiurgos x Reader) - Part III
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<- Part 2 Part 4 ->
|AN|: The fact that I had no idea what I’m doing when I started this story caught up to me pretty quick. Had to cut this part short becuase I enjoy doing the conversations/interactions a little too much and kinda forgot about the plot. Oops. 
Anyway vibe with me on this, the next part is not going to take months so I won’t forget what I was going for and we might actually progress somewhere. Fun fact, while I do have some scenes in mind, you know probably the same amount of info about what’s gonna happen as me. So that’s exciting, feels like an interactive story. 
The apartment was unbearably hot, damping Michael in sweat, his clothes uncomfortably sticking to his skin. He took off his shirt and pants in a desperate attempt to cool himself down, throwing them over the hard squeaky bed he had to sleep on. Everything there was dirty, and he would rather not touch it till obsolutely necessary, afraid that now, wingless and weakened, he could catch some kind of earthly human disease.
He had stopped counting the hours spent here, knowing too well they will be infinite and his suffering great and long so far from home where he belonged, the Silver City he was meant to rule. The so called 'City of angels' was nothing like it's name, nothing like what his home was, nothing like what would angels actually live in, it made one wonder how it got such a ridiculous name.
From across the room, Michael caught a glimpse of himself in a cracked mirros, the shreds creating multiple images of himself staring curiously at his reflection. He saw the far too despised face, his scars, his crooked shoulders, the dark hair on his chest traveling down to his abdomen and he knew how broken, how imperfect he really was. Too aware of his failure, of the only comparison that came into his mind and he couldn't find the strenght to turn around and take a look at his back.
Since the battle he hadn't looked at them, all it took was not to feel them, to miss their presence and weight on his back, he couldn't bear the sight of the wounds, of the two painful cuts where his wings were supposed to be, and once again he wished for death.
A soft knock came from behind his door and his heart skipped a beat at the possible thought of his brother seeing him in such humiliating state. Anxiously, he creaked the door open enough to poke his head through the small space, looking at you smiling sweetly at his doorstep.
"Michael!" you exclaimed, studying the suspicious expression twist his features.
"Can I help you?"
"What? No, I was headed to town for some lunch and since now that I know you have literally no one around I wanted to ask you to join."
He searched you up and down with his gaze, almost ike he was looking for a secret threat or a weapon hidden somewhere in your clothes, eyes narrowed suspicioulsy. "So you want to spend time with me because you feel sorry for me."
"I might have formulated that sentence better," you muttered to yourself. "No, I came because I wanted company, and you were the first one to pop into my mind."
"Because you're a bit strange, and I really like that."
For a few seconds he stayed silent, only looking into your eyes, expecting you to break and something deep in your mind did start backing up from the intensity of his glare. "Alrigh, come in." With that he fully opened the door, stepping out of your way in an inviting gesture, and you let out a surprised gasp, immediately adverting your eyes to the nearest wall. "Oh God we're...we're naked. Great."
Michael watched your reaction with unhidden interest, wondering what exactly was it that made humans so embarrassed about their own bodies, the anatomy they shared and knew well. Like it was something sinful, forbidden. "It's just a body."
"I would have never guessed you for such a free spirited guy," you chuckled, still refusing to invade his privacy in such a way, no matter how tempted you were to take a peek.
He didn't answer leaving you in his small living room, very similiar and yet so different to your own: darker, gloomier, lonely... it fit him so well as he also seemed too closed off to let any light inside.
"Is your friend not available?" Michael emerged from his room, now completely clothed, maybe even a little too much given the weather. You studied his outfit for a while, the thick suit jacket on top of a grey turtleneck, and furrowed your brows.
"Who?" Your eyes finally returned to his face, as he looked at you in rather impatient question, shoulders still slouched and crooked as yesterday, like he was hiding into himself even as only two of you were present in the room.
"The girl from last time: very loud, does not seem to understand personal  space--"
"Oh, Zoe." Michael nodded, still waiting for your answer, seemigly unmoving yet his arms twitched visibly from time to time agaist his will. "Yeah she's busy, why did you want her to come?" You couldn't imagine the world where someone like the most awkward person you ever met, like Michael, could possibly go after someone so assertive and fun as Zoe. Everything that he could gain with his face, he lost as soon as he opened his mouth.
"No," the angel said quickly, squrming a bit at the thought of another interaction with your friend who reminded him of Lucifer bit too much. "Just made sense in your decision of a companion, the lack of choice."
"If you don't want to go just say so..." you waited for a while to hear his rejection, yet he stayed silent, just looking back at you, almost waiting to make the first move. "So do you?"
"Do I what?"
You rolled your eyes a bit, calming down before you could be rude, and repeated your question: "Do you want to go have lunch with me then?"
"Well apparenlty, that's why I got dressed." You sighed, refusing to carry on the uneccessary conversation any longer and headed towards the door.
"Come on then, follow me." Michael did, quite literally, follow you. Almost the whole time. At first you didn't think about it much, assuming it was because of the lack of space in the hallway and on the staircase, but when you exited onto the street, he still kept behind you with generous space between the two of you. "Do I stink or something?" You turned to him, forcing him to abruptly stop in his tracks right in front of you.
"You walk so far behind me like we're strangers, how are we supposed to talk and stuff?"
"What would we talk about?"
"I don't know, our day, the naked man who we passed sleeping on a bench a few seconds ago, the weather? Anything." Michael looked behind his shoulder, almost wincing as his eyes found the man you've been talking about: fries spilled across his hairy chest, bottle of what seemed like tequila in his hand and a baseball cap shielding his eyes from the sun only piece of clothing on his body. The angel turned towards you with visible disgust in his handsome features.
"That seems like a very fruitless conversation."
"Well that," you said with a clear emphasis on the last word and yanked him towards you by his sleeve, receiving a startled sound of protest from his mouth. "Is how friends spend time with each other." Michael's mouth turned into a very uncomfortable grimace as he wanted to argue. "Of course you could just tell me your deepest darkest secrets if that's what you prefer," you interrupted him with an innocent smile.
"Would very much rather be smitten," he answered bitterly, not sparing more than a single glance your way.
"You're always so negative, loosen up a bit." Michael flinched away as you elbowed him into the ribs and shot a glare that could easily make a baby cry. Somehow, you were convinced he did that at some point in his life.
"I'm negative the right amount," he shot back, distancing himself from you a bit to the other side of the sidewalk, bumping into angry crowd as he crossed them their way in the process. It was strangely cute, how awkward he seemed at any given moment. Like it was his default mood, something so consistent it became natural.
The man's face seemed stuck in a permanent scowl as he pulled himself through the hoard of cussing people, limping a bit, his shoulders hunched significantly more than normally. 'Negative the right amount' you thought to yourself with a smile as you watched him and the wrinkle between his brows, how the scar on his face moved and pulled the skin around. Wondering what happened...
"How did you get the scar?" You asked into the short silence. His attention snapped towards you at the question, a single strand of raven hair falling into his face and you had an urge to brush it back.
"My brother disliked sharing a face with me," he answered quietly, it seemed calm, almost too calm, but you saw the way his jaw clenched.
"He--" scarred you? hated you? is comepletely insane? What kind of a brother does such things? "did that to you?"
Michael nodded, curiously watching you from the side observing your reaction, preparing himself for another flow of intrusive questions, but you stayed silent, stealing a secret glance his way every little moment. Maybe waiting for him to tell the story, craving to hear more about the mystery his life seemed to be, and as he unfolded the smallest pieces before you every time he spoke, every time he admitted something under the pressure of your questions, nothing seemed to clear out. It only got darker, more confusing, a deeper pit of secrets.
"I'm sorry you have a brother like that," you said instead, smiling sadly at him, eyes soft in sympathy, and squeezed his hand in reassurance.
The angel was left to stare at you, no words forming on his tongue, yet too many thoughts in his mind. Like the two weren't connected, a tall wall separating them keeping him from saying anything at all. His mouth opened, nothing coming out, no sounds, nothing, far too focused on your hand still holding his, at the warmth it brought him. Michael wanted to hate it, yank his hand away, refusing the comforting touch of anyone, let alone a human, but he would lie if he said he didn't like the warmth of its comfort. He never felt such -- any -- affection before.
"What? Nobody ever held your hand?" you asked teasingly trying to ease the atmosphere between the two of you.
"No," he admitted quietly without thinking, cursing himself right after. 'Weak, sad, pathetic Michael.' The angel heard in his head a voice too familiar for his liking. He might be more similar to the ones he despised after all.
"Oh." It was the only thing you could make yourself say, right words almost escaping through your fingers as you tried to find more to fill the uncomfortable silence.
He could see how you were thinking, countless possibilies of what to do next flowing through your mind, yet none of them seemed good enough. The confusion was prominent as you studied his face and he found himself returing the intense gaze, the darkness of his eyes drinking you in serching for a reaction, almost attempting to read your thoughts. To an archangel you were no one. Another creature, another father's creation and he shouldn't await so eagerly on what you had in your heart.
Since he first came here he noticed the closness humans so casually kept between each other -- the children that held hands as they ran away to play, lovers sharing secret touches wherever they went, parents holding their kids as often as they could. To him it was foreign, obscure, yet the disgust as your skin touched his never came. Instead he wanted to follow it, prolong it.
So he waited, seconds, minutes, each longer than it seemed, but still no sound escaped your mouth. Why did he care so much about your opinion about him all of a sudden? He hated everything about earth, he hated everything that walked its surface, the place of his biggest loss and greatest humiliation, but he couldn't bring himself to think the same of you. Whenever he tried to invoke the hatred in himself he remembered the times you spent together, how the conversations somehow made him forget the spite in his heart.
You stopped in your tracks and turned to face him, unreadable tenderness in your eyes, the same look people gave strays shivering in cold, the same look one associated with heartache. It wasn't care, it was pity he disdained.
"Let me treat you then." What?
"What am I, chihuahua in a pink sweater? No thank you." You rolled your eyes, dragging him to a little restaurant, smiling at the waiter who's head snapped towards you after hearing the bell notifying him about your arrival.
"As in paying, Michael."
"Oh," he said, looking at you with clueless dark eyes.
"What did you imagine under--" you stopped yourself, deciding that hearing the answer is not something you really need. "You know what? I don't want to hear it, let's just forget it."
"Agreed, your expressions are really stupid." Both of you got seated at a table, facing each other, Michael leaning slightly to the side uncomfortably bent at an angle. You paid his comment no mind. He was strange, his choice of words something that's better to ignore on many occasions.
Never before have you met such an...eccentric man. People say it's better to avoid likes of his, and many also do without qustion, but you couldn't. You were sure he was harmless, having the intention of hurting you, he would have long ago as he had the perfect opportuity already.
"My expressions, sure." His head tilted to the side at your words, but neither of you pressed it any further.
He was weird -- thanks to his appereance, thanks to the way he acted and behaved, because of the arguments and remarks that sometimes slipped past his lips. On the other hand, you were strange to him. Your human quirks and silly sayings, the obscure habits and weird routines not once awaking question in him, trying hard to grasp the concept of how everything worked in this glorified chaos. You two were being from different worlds, and maybe this was the sign that you were never meant to interact in the first place, but in a world where the Devil is God and demons fall in love, something like your friendship was the most normal of it all.
Your table fell into silence once again, despite the tense situation before, both of you at ease with each other. Michael watched you with curiosity, how you read through the menu, eyes roaming over the pages, biting your bottom lip as you quietly decided on what to pick in your mind. His thoughts went back to his father, how he prided himself in beings with so much free will, the complete freedom of choice in their life, and here they were, struggling to choose a flavor of their milkshake.
How disappointing creatures.
"You've been here before?" you asked him without looking up from the menu a flipped the page with your middle finger.
"No?" Why would he? What would be the purpose? When would he even manage to do such?
"Then how do you already know what they offer?" You glanced at the clossed menu sheet laying in front of him, the obvious question written right in your eyes. Why wasn't he choosing as well?
"Not hungry."
"Then why did you agree to come?"
"Should I have not?" He caught your gaze as you liften it from the paper in your hands, a playful smirk gracing your lips.
"Didn't know you were so witty."
"There seems to be a lot you don't know about me." Michael surprised himself at the boldness of his words, how smoothly they seemed to run out of his mouth, and it seemed like he had taken you back as well. Such a short time, truly insignificant compared all the millenials he had lived, yet something seemed to start rubbing onto him from you. From his stay here.
"Oh?" You rised your eyebrows in challenge and leaned on the table with your elbown, supporting your chin with your hand. "Do talk then. Unravel your mystery."
"I don't want to be the one talking all the time." An amused laugh escaped your throat at the remark.
"I'm sorry I will try speaking up more in the future," you said sarcastically, flashing him a teasing grin as he watched you with an unamused frown. "No, really, please tell me about you."
"Why can't you tell me about yourself instead? I talked enough."
"Maybe, but I'm an open book, you basically know everything about me."
"So am I," he protested. "There's not a lot to know."
"I'd beg differently. You have a scar on your face from your brother, you once called people humans and if I had to guess I'd say you turn into a bat during the night." Michael look at you in confusion, your reference going right past him. You sighed, the fact you had to tell him a lot of this stuff so straightforwardly ruined a great part of the fun. Leaning closer towards him across the table, you looked into his eyes, suddenly serious, and he copied your movement. When the two of you were just inches apart, you whispered: "Are you a vampire?"
He scoffed, both of you returning to sit in your previous positions, the man in front of you squirming a bit after, trying to get comfortable enough to ease the pain in his back. "There's no such a thing as vampires, don't be ridiculous."
"Oh please, don't tell me you're such a buzzkill you don't believe anything." Michael looked almost offended by what you said, opening his mouth and abruptly closing it without a single sound.
"There's nothing more stupid than people who believe in the supernatural, what's next, mermaids?" He threw his hands around, frustration pulling his face like he truly believed you were serious in your friendly teasing.
For a few more minutes, you bickered in lighthearted banter, Michael a bit more annoyed than anyone normal would and you enjoyed exploring the way he reacted to everything. He was slowly starting to get fun.
Tags: @chipster-21 @tea-effect @littlepeanut03 @spideysimpossiblegirl
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