#and then dad got drunk broke his ankle moved in with his parents for a month the pandemic happened one month turned into several and we

[libraryofloveletters]

The Boy Next Door

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: mentions of divorce, step-parents, a little bit of arguing, alcohol and consumption of, like one swear word, mentions of sickness

Category: fluff 

Word Count: 2.3K

Author’s Note: ahhh okay hi! this is my first 911 fic, idk it’s mostly self indulgent because I can’t get this idea out of my head, so here we are :) also for the purpose of this, Eddie never got married nor did he have Christopher 

Italics are flashbacks 

----

To say you were average was the understatement of your life, you weren't special nor were you awkward or shy, you were just average. You had always been the average person, in an average neighbourhood with an average life. 

But the boy next door, there was nothing average about him. 

The first time you met the boy next door was when you were 14, you had just moved into the neighbourhood with your father and his new wife. There was still lots to be done, the air conditioning was broken and your father seemed to misplace his toolkit during the move. He left you in the smouldering heat and ventured off to find a toolkit. Not only did he return with a toolkit but visitors as well.

“y/n!” your father shouted from the bottom on the staircase, “what?!” you shouted back. “Come down here!” you groaned as he called for you again, what could he possibly want now? 

Your father stood there with a man and a boy who you could only assume was his son. “Y/n, this is Ramon and his son, Eddie. They live next door and Ramon was kind enough to loan his tools and help me out.” you smiled at them from the top of the stairs. 

“Come down and get Eddie something to drink” your father said, you resisted the urge to roll your eyes and made your way down the stairs. 

“Would you like some lemonade ?” you asked, walking past him to the kitchen, he followed you. “Please” he leaned against the wall watching you move around the kitchen. 

“So, I hear you have a step mom?” he asks, you could feel his eyes burning into your back as you got the lemonade from the fridge. “Unfortunately” you mumble and pour some of the liquid into a glass, Eddie made his way over to the counter, he leaned up against it. 

“Do you know how to stand straight ?” you glance at him up and down, he laughs and shakes his head. 

“Why is it unfortunate that you have a stepmother ?” taking a sip of the lemonade, his eyes fixed on you. “Have you ever seen Cinderella ?” you asked, hopping up on the counter and picking up the other glass, Eddie nods. 

“Imagine living with Cinderella’s stepmother but times 100″ you groan, Eddie had a smile on his face. 

“You’re joking”

“Wish I was” 

“Well that sucks” he gave you an apologetic look

“Big time” your eyes are on your legs which were swinging back and forth. Eddie grabs your leg suddenly, “what the hell!” you jump, he laughs again. 

God he has such a cute laugh, wait what ? Stop he’s your neighbour, you barely know him.

“How’d you get that?” his thumb rubs over a scar on your leg by your ankle. “Bike accident when I was younger. It just didn’t heal right and left a scar, also because there was a giant gash there for a few weeks” you shrug. The two of you were in the kitchen for a few minutes, Eddie’s hand was still wrapped around your leg, neither of you saying a word to each other. 

“Eddie! Time to go!” Ramon shouted for Eddie, he let go of your leg. “See you around ?” he asked, you nodded, “yeah, see ya” Eddie smiled at you and you smiled back. 

You rarely saw Eddie after that day, he had been helping his father at his shop all summer so you never got a chance to hang out. When school started, you had a few classes with him, he occasionally asked for the answers to the homework after his practices ran long, which you gave to him. 

Somewhere deep down, you had a soft spot for the boy next door. 

Your friendship, if you could even call it that, was built solely on the fact that he lives next door and went to the same classes, if it weren't for that, you’d never speak to him. He wasn't a popular kid per se but he had a solid friend group and played sports, so in his own way, he was a popular kid. You were the kid that had your head down, did what you were told to do and left. 

High school flew by and you were glad. The whole “your high school years are the best years of your life” was bullshit, if anything, you ended up coming out more confused than you went in. 

The second time you spent time with Eddie was at your graduation party. The graduating class had arranged a grad party for yourselves in the neighbourhood. It consisted of loud drunk teenagers and their tipsy parents. By midnight, the street began clearing out, you hung back simply because you didn’t want to go home and deal with your stepmother and your father. 

Sitting on the curb at the end of the street, you could see the entire street. There  were still a few kids, a group of boys playing football terribly, a couple making out in the corner and some girls posing for pictures by some car. 

Eddie’s shouting broke your thoughts, “Papi I'm going!” It sounded like something had shattered, perhaps a bottle. You got up and slowly made your way over. “You want to throw away your life? Stay here, get a job Eddie, I won’t allow you to do this!” his father shouted back at him. Eddie began walking away from his father, Ramon grabbed his hand. “Do not walk away from me!” he shouted again. 

“You made up your mind and so did I. I'm going.” Eddie said sternly and walked away. He walked past you on his way to wherever he was going. He didn’t stop, he didn't talk, he just pushed past you and left. 

Eddie left home a few weeks later. You kept up with his parents, stopping by for dinner every once in a while. His father didn’t talk much about him, just that he was good and that’s all. Once his father left, his mother told you about what actually was going on, how Eddie felt as if he had found a purpose there. She shows you letters that he had sent and a picture he had sent her in his uniform.

“Doesn't he look handsome ?” she smiled, showing you the picture of Eddie. “Yeah, very handsome, Mrs. Diaz” you smiled back. 

“Do you know when he’s coming back?” 

The smile dropped from her face. “He- uh, reenlisted” she mumbled. “Ramon doesn't know” 

You nodded, “I won’t tell” 

“Who’s not telling what?” his father came back in for a moment, you smiled at him while Mrs. Diaz turned her attention to the sink. “Oh just that Mrs. Diaz is helping me with dinner for my grandparents tomorrow” you pick up the bowls on the counter, “Thank you for dinner, I'll see you guys around ?” 

“of course, thank you for coming over. it’s nice to have you around” his mother gave you a hug. 

You spent a lot of afternoons with his mom, just helping her out around the house. It wasn't until 4 years after that night that you saw him again. A few bruises and bumps, a couple scars and broken bones you were sure of, but he was back in one piece. In true Diaz fashion, his parents insisted on throwing a party for him. It was supposed to be a small party, just a few neighbours and family. By the time Mrs. Diaz was done inviting people, there was triple the amount of people coming. 

You headed over with your father, he had gotten sick recently and required a bit more help now. Truthfully by 25, you had planned to be living on your own but with your father getting sick and your step mother bailing, you stuck around. Once you got him situated, you found Mrs. Diaz in the kitchen. 

“Hey” you smiled at her, taking the bowl from her hands. “Hi mi amor, how are you ?” She smiled at you, you rested the bowl on the table across from the two of you, “I’m okay for now.” 

Eddie’s laughter filled your ears, that was a sound you didn't hear often but one you loved nonetheless “It’s good to have him home” his mother smiled, watching her son from the window. Mrs. Diaz gets pulled off by someone leaving you alone in the kitchen, turning to the fridge, you look through for a beer. “hey, pass me one too” his voice called as he watched through the backdoor. You pulled two out and handed on to him. 

“Thanks” Eddie leaned against the counter, you couldn't help but chuckle. “What?” taking a sip of the beer, his eyes meet yours. “Nothing, just noticing your habit of leaning on things” you stood across from him. 

“Sorry, but do I know you from somewhere ? You seem so familiar” his brows furrowed, tongue running across his lip. “I’m y/n, we’re neighbours” you told him, his eyes flickered up and down you, your name leaving his lips. 

God, your name never sounded so good. 

“Y/n...” his eyes ran over your body once more, his eyes locking on your foot. “Ankle Scar” he smiled, you nodded as your lips curled into a smile. “God, I'm so sorry I didn’t rememb-” “don’t worry ‘bout it, I'm not really anyone worth remembering” 

Eddie’s smile dropped, a pout visibly on his face. “Don’t say that, I'm sure you are.” 

“Is that why you didn't remember me ?” you teased

“We went to high school together” he took another sip, you nodded in agreement. “We’ve also lived next door to each other since we were 14”  you smiled at him. Again, the smile vanished from his face, “okay, now I really feel like shit. God, I'm sorry” “It’s cool really” you gave a smile once more. 

“Don’t you have a party to get back too ?” 

“Eh, not to fussy about parties to tell you the truth. I might take a walk around the block, care to join me ?” 

“Actually, yeah, I’d like that” 

Eddie opened the front door for you, letting you step out first. The two of you headed through the front to avoid everyone in the back, you walked down the street together, the dull streetlights lit the sidewalks, beer in your hand. 

“What have you been up to?” Eddie asked you, “Well, I'm a nurse but only part time. My dad needs me around.. now that he’s sick” 

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, your dad’s a cool guy” 

Scoffing, you take a sip of your beer, “yeah, you’re the only one that’s ever thought that” your statement making Eddie chuckled. “If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the wicked step mother of the west?”  he looked over at you as he walked along the curb of the sidewalk, his arms out to balance himself. 

“She bailed when he found out he was sick.” 

Eddie stopped walking, “seriously ? that’s a bitch move” “yeah, tell me about it” 

Taking a seat on the curb, Eddie sat down too. The street was quiet for the most part, the only noise coming from down the street at Diaz’s place. Your fingers tapped against the beer bottle in your hand, aimlessly trying to keep up with the beat of the music. Eddie’s hand on your ankle startled you, causing you to drop the bottle. “Seriously ?! Again?” you shout, Eddie put his finger over your lips. “Shh! you’ll wake up the neighbours” he muttered, you rolled your eyes at his statement. “Tell me nurse y/n, how does one not ‘heal right’” he laughed, his thumb rubbing against the scar and causing you to roll your eyes again. “surely you can tell me that, Sergeant Diaz” 

Eddie looked shocked, “how did-” “your mom, she never stopped talking about her son, the army sergeant medic” you teased, he shook his head, laughing. “I know you’ve only been back for a few weeks, but what’s next ? Are you going to stay ?” 

“If I have a reason too, I will but I- I don't know what’s next” Eddie sighed. 

“Perhaps a change in scenery ?” you asked, he looked over at you with a questionable expression on his face. “I'm moving, to California in a few months” you told him. 

“Oh? What for?” 

“A change in scenery” you laughed and he smiled at you. 

“I haven't thought about moving, maybe it would be nice. A break away from here, not that I don't love it here, I love my parents too but-” he stopped talking, he realized the more he went on, the deeper a hole he dug. 

“You know, I hear the LAFD is always looking for recruits. I’m sure they wouldn't mind having an army medic on the team” you glance over at him, there’s a pause in the conversation. 

Eddie looks over at you, “that’s not a bad idea” his arm wraps around your shoulder, pulling you into his side, your arm his rested on top of his knee, 

“What do you say to a road trip and a roommate ?” he looks down at you. 

You look up at him, “I think I'd like that”  

---

tagging: @ssa-volturi​ @geeky-son-dr-reid

#eddie diaz #eddie diaz x reader #eddie diaz oneshot #eddie diaz imagine #eddie diaz fan fic #eddie diaz fic #eddie diaz fanfiction #911onfox #9-1-1 oneshot #9-1-1 fanfiction #9-1-1 reader insert #9-1-1 imagine #9-1-1 fic #9-1-1 fanfic #911 #911 fic #911 fanfic

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

Harry and Y/N hook up in Y/N’s childhood bedroom

This is part of @berrynarrybanana​‘s Sex Bucket List Fic Challenge! My prompt was “childhood bedroom” and YOU KNOW I got excited as fuck about this. Big thanks to Casey for setting this all up! Enjoy!!! a little baby blurb with 1.5k wc!

It wasn’t bringing him home that made you nervous. No--in fact, your mom would love him and your dad would be thrilled to meet the man your sister had been teasing you about for the last six months. She loved to say anything to make you blush and roll your eyes, pulling questions from aunts and uncles at any family gathering.

It started as something super casual, which was always the go to line of defense when she brought it up. A few mutual friends, a bar on the Sunset Strip and a few rooftop bellinis. But texting your sister a sneaky side profile pic of the newest celebrity that had wandered his way into your circle was by far the biggest mistake you could make. 

You never thought that one day he’d wind up sitting across from her at the dining room table, your face going red from the stories she told about the first time you got too drunk, the black eye you got from volleyball in 10th grade, the stupid things you’d said after your wisdom teeth surgery.

You never thought that exchanging numbers and a few texts about the loaded nachos you’d drunkenly shared would lead you here: the hallway outside your childhood bedroom, with a thumping in your chest that had beads of sweat forming on your hairline.

Your sister wasn’t the only thing you weren’t ready to face that night. 

“It can’t be that bad,” he said behind you, his voice quiet so as to not give away the stealth mission of sneaking his duffle bag into your room. 

The guest room is very nice, Harry, your mom had smiled that night in the kitchen over a glass of merlot. I’m sure you’ll find it quite comfortable. 

You weren’t shocked. You’d never had a boyfriend sleep over, but your sister had. She’d been sneaking her boyfriend of four years down the hall in the early morning of the hours for a while, ruffling the blankets and pillows in the guest room to make it look like he’d spent the night in there. 

So fine, not only was it embarrassing that at 23 your parents were still treating you like a teenager, but the fact that the boy you somehow managed to bring home was Harry Styles made this feel even more humiliating. And you hadn’t even opened the door yet. 

You’d warned him, sort of. You told him that they’d want you to sleep in separate rooms, and you warned that the last time your childhood bedroom had been updated was when you started high school. He didn’t seem to understand what that meant.

You pushed the door open and held your breath, stepped inside and let your eyes sweep the room, the light purple walls weren’t as harsh in the evening, but the posters stared back at you with daunting eyes. 

You turned around to gauge his reaction, the corner of his mouth had pulled up slightly, his lips pressed into a thin line when you met his gaze. 

“Shut up!” You groaned, twisting your face when he dropped his bag on the ground. 

“I think it’s endearing,” he said, the smug smirk grew into a full blown smile. “I mean, Bieber Fever is a thing, right? He was irresistible back then.”

You reached a hand forward and smacked him across the chest, moving around the side of the room to pull the shade down. “I was fifteen when they let me redecorate, okay? You should have seen the butterflies on the wall before that.”

He let out a quiet laugh, unzipped the bag and tugged out a pair of athletic shorts and you shut the door. Your parents had long slipped upstairs to bed, your sister and her boyfriend were likely still in the living room, but your secret was safe with them. “So you’ve got a type, then.” 

“Hmm?” You eyed him, heading for the closet to find pajamas. 

“Two handsome lads with voices that sound like absolute honey,” he pointed at the poster that hung near the window, the expression on his face was serious, but it broke into a smile when you blinked back at him.

“The guest room is quite comfortable,” you threatened, using your mother’s words from earlier to let him know you meant business. 

“Baby,” he took a step towards you and opened his arms. “I mean it, it’s fine, I’m just messing with you.”

“Well it’s not funny,” you pouted. “Imagine the horror when my mom said they wanted to meet you. And I knew I had to bring you here.”

“To the shrine?” He couldn’t help himself, but when you let out a groan of displeasure, he came even closer, wrapped his arms around your waist and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Alright,” he laughed. “I’m done, that’s it.”

“I swear to God,” you looked up at him, tugging out of his grasp. “I’ll tell them you snuck in here and wouldn’t leave. They’ll never make you shrimp scampi again.”

“Wouldn’t want that,” he nodded, held his hands up as he backed away and returned to unpacking. He left it there for while, brushed his teeth beside you in the bathroom down the hall and climbed into the floral sheets once you’d switched the light off. 

You stared up at the ceiling and ignored the nervousness that bristled down your spine. If the internal monologue that typically graced the nights you spent together wasn’t enough (why is he into me in the first place? How did I land someone as funny and loving and talented as him?), the added layer of the posters and the yearbooks strewn across your desk made it nearly impossible to fall asleep. Surely he’d realize that you were just another normal girl, too boring and ordinary to keep up with a life like his.

He turned towards you suddenly, rolled onto his side to get a better look at you. You could see his eyes through the dark, a small smile on his lips before he whispered.

“M’glad you brought me home.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, readjusting the pillow beneath his head. “I know you were kind of freaked but, I think dinner went well.”

You had to agree with him. Your dad was more than eager to show him the records he’d collected in the basement, your sister’s boyfriend was thrilled to discover they had the same taste in beer. He was polite and pleasant--not that you expected anything less--and somehow, he seemed to fit in quite naturally.  

“It did,” you said, melting into his side when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you close. You indulged him for a minute, let his mouth meet yours in the dark cover of night until you heard footsteps in the hallway. 

You pulled away automatically, eyes wide until you were sure you were safe, you sighed and looked at him. “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because my parents are home and my sister is gonna climb into bed on the other side of that wall.”

His eyebrows pointed together, a devilish look on his face. “You don’t want me to fuck you right here?”

“It’s not that I don’t,” you put a hand on his chest to keep some distance. “It’s that I don’t trust you to be quiet.”

“I can be quiet,” he pulled you closer again, “promise.” As much as you wanted to resist, you couldn’t. His hands moved along your sides, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake when you let yours reach up to cup his face. 

Surely this wasn’t your brightest idea, but the excitement of having him here and having him now made thoughts of what if float out the window and down the block--the same one where you had lemonade stands and graduation parties.

You’d gotten used to the way he easily slid your shorts down to your ankles, fingers nestled between your thighs when your back arched to grant more access. He pressed kisses to your jaw, hummed in satisfaction when you let your hand grip his length beneath the sheets. 

It wasn’t long until your clothes littered the floor, every inch of your body ached for him despite the risk and the possibility of being caught. But when his head dipped below the duvet and his tongue met your center with agility, the posters and the embarrassing stories from the dining table vanished into thin air. The only thing that mattered was the way you gripped the sheets and the way he slid into you with ease.

“Don’t--be--loud,” you reminded with broken words, rhythmic and punctuated by the pleasure that traveled through your veins. 

“M’not,” he laughed, his voice was throaty and strained, “you’re the one making the most noise.”

“Cause it feels so good,” you sighed. 

“S’the point, baby,” he leaned closer now, caught your lips in his and buckled his hips against yours, deeper and harder until you swore you saw stars. 

“Let me feel you,” he begged, adjusting your legs to get as deep as he could, pumping into you harder and harder by the second. 

He found release soon after, whispers of your name circled the room and fell back on the sheets by your side, breathless and sweaty. 

“Do you think he was watching? Bieber, I mean.” He eyed the poster across the room, let his lips twist into a smirk when you rolled your eyes. 

“Goodnight, Harry.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

sex bucket list fic challenge | my masterlist | come chat

#the bucket list fic challenge #sex bucket list fic challenge #berrynarrybanana #y/n and harry #harry and y/n #reader insert harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fic #harry styles fan fic #Harry Styles Fan Fiction #harry styles fanfiction #sex bucketlist fic challenge

[simonsrosebud]

Kevin's first real christmas with dalton!!

kevin says he’s celebrated christmas before, but it’s not true.

sophomore year he spent it locked in wymack’s apartment with a broken hand and ongoing anxiety attacks.

junior year he went to new york with matt and nicky and the others which was weird because they didn’t actually do anything christmas-y and he was drunk for a lot of the trip.

and last year he had dinner with abby, his father, and andrew and neil.  but then neil was having a panic attack because this time the year before he was at evermore.  they left early and kevin ducked out because he didn’t want to intrude.  

then he spent the whole next few days panicking over meeting dalton’s family.

this year, his last year at palmetto, dalton asks if he wants to spend christmas in maryland with him and his family.

there’s no question, of course he’s going.

dalton tells him when they’re at the mall about all the things they do, and how they’ll go to new york again if he’s okay with it.  and then, “what do you guys normally do for the holidays?”

kevin freezes.  he thumbs at a shirt on the rack in front of him.  “uh... last year me neil and andrew had dinner with my father and abby, but neil was having some ptsd relating to this time of year, so it was kind of a mess...”

“that sucks.  for him, i mean.”

“yeah.”  he nods.  it does suck, and kevin still blames himself.  “and the year before i went to new york with the team to matt’s dads place, but i was drunk most of the time,” he mumbles.

dalton feels like an idiot for asking, “and before?”

kevin shakes his head.  broken hand.

“we ran practices every day of break at the nest.  never celebrated any holidays growing up.”

he did have one thing he did every year.  he lit a candle for his mother.  he didn’t realize it until his first christmas away from the nest, when he was hidden at wymack’s apartment and noticed the man didn’t have a single candle lying around.

he sparked wymack’s lighter and sent up a quick prayer instead.

dalton slides up to his side and wraps an arm around his waist.  “i’ve got to impress you this year, then.”

“the bars set pretty low.”

when dalton’s on the phone with his mom that night, he tells her about kevin’s lack of experience with the holidays.  “have you done the tree yet?”

“i was planning on doing it tomorrow, why?”

“do you think we could wait and do it all together when me and kev are there?”  he hesitates.  “he’s never really celebrated christmas and done the typical traditions, and i know he wants to cause his mom used to.”

anne’s heart wants to break a little.  “i’ll save it until you get home.  and he’ll be here in time to make cookies, too.”  oh boy.  “you guys can go ice skating if that one place does it again- you know the one, and uh... should we get him a stocking?”

“me and bella got him a present!”

“is that carm?”

“yes!”  she steals her mothers phone.  “he always pays for things for us when he’s here so we got him this peanut butter sampler pack and an ocean city maryland crewneck.”

dalton pouts, but only because it’s cute to him that they did that for his boy.

when they drive up, dalton’s family welcomes him like they haven’t seen him in years, and it makes kevin smile every time.  they don’t get in until late, but bella still peeks into dalton’s room once they’re in bed for the night.  “did you bring your racquet?”

kevin’s got his eyes closed, he’s tucked underneath dalton’s big comforter and arm with an ankle thrown over his boyfriend’s.  he hums a yes.

dalton grumbles.  “shut the door, bella.”  and tugs the blanket up to his chin.

they wake up earlier than they’d like.  anne and george are at work, and the girls are still asleep.  he has dalton at his back and an arm holding him close.

kevin doesn’t ever want to move.

he only does when dalton’s phone alarm goes off.  “what’s that for?”  he groans.  dalton reaches over him to shut it off and drapes his arm and leg right back over kevin.

dalton’s voice is muffled.  “shopping day.”

oh fuck.  he knew d had said something about shopping yesterday.

it takes them another half hour to get up, and kevin hates the mall to begin with, but this is unbearable.  he’s just lucky they’re there a week out and not the day before christmas eve.

kevin stops.  they’re in a clothing store, and he’s wandered to the women’s side.  he sends a few pictures to allison, and when dalton come over he holds up a fuzzy bomber jacket and an oversized jean jacket.  “for the girls?”

“i already got their gifts.”

“but from me?”

“oh.”  dalton smiles.  “then absolutely.  did you already text allison?”  he’s joking, but laughs when kev shrugs because that’s so a yes.

anne has the family decorate the tree that night after dinner- takeout, and kevin is kind of in heaven looking through dalton’s ornaments from when he was a child.

“you wanna put the star on top?”

their ceilings are high enough for them to have a fake tree tall enough for kevin to not be able to reach, which is definitely a first for him.

so instead, he gets on dalton’s shoulders.

after they’re done, anne sits next to kevin on the sofa.  “you know, i never did the thing where i show you all of dalton’s baby pictures, but i did find this yesterday.”

and kevin turns to look at the book in her lap, and smirks.  “no way.”  

it’s a small book, with all of dalton’s school picture day photo’s going back to kindergarten.  “this is better, i think.”

dalton stops, and lets his head roll back.  “can we not?”

“no, we can.”  kevin takes the book and opens it up to a random page.

“you’re not allowed to mention the braces.”

“but they’re so bad!”

christmas eve is fun.

kevin is no cook, dalton is and even then that’s saying something, but anne puts kevin to work after he’s up in the morning.  they’ve got a lot of family coming over around six, and she needs help in the kitchen.

he’s doing pretty alright, he thinks, and his face lights up when anne tastes a bit and pats his arm.  “that’s really good.”  it’s a passing thought, and she leaves right after to make a run to get more of something at the store.

but when dalton comes back from the alcohol run, kevin’s plenty proud of it anyway.

and then, because he’s already dirty from cooking anyway, he helps dalton’s father with stuffing the turkey.  “you actually stuff it?”

he knows it’s called stuffing, but he’s never actually seen it prepared.  or eaten it, he doesn’t think.  abby doesn’t make it for thanksgiving or anything because only she and nicky typically eat it.  it goes to waste.

george nods.  “stick your hands up there, kid.”

kevin lowers his stare to dalton just sitting there across the table.  he grins.  “you’re doing great, babe.”

kevin takes a shower after he’s done while the others do what else needs to be done.

once dalton’s family starts filtering into the house it’s a little chaotic.  in a good way, opposed to the way that he typically knows chaotic to be.

he’s fine, really, once he gets used to it.

at this point they all know who exactly dalton’s boyfriend is, but kevin only recognizes a few faces so he still gets the excited introductions from the few that are fans.

two of them are younger kids, anyway, so that’s at least entertaining and cute.

dalton comes to stand with kevin and his cousin.  “can i steal him for a sec?”  he takes him by the hand to the other room where the two younger cousins are lounging.  “dessert is out, guys.”

they go running out of the room.

“that was cruel,” kevin says, but then dalton is holding something above their heads and-

oh

mistletoe.

“are you sure?”

kevin smiles.  “i take it back.”  and pulls dalton in.

dalton grins against his lips, and after a moment pulls away just a bit.  “that’s not actually why i pulled you away, but i got lucky.”

kevin kisses him again, because he can, and dalton turns.  there’s a ledge above the unused fireplace that his mom usually uses for picture frames, but there’s a candle in the middle, now.

“you’ve told me about lighting a candle for your mom, and i figured maybe you’d still want to do it even though you’re here this year.”

he definitely does, and dalton presents him with a lighter when he nods.  kevin lights it silently, and watches it for a moment.  “thank you,” he says quietly.  “i know you listen, but i didn’t expect that...”  he wraps his arms around dalton’s waist.  “it’s really nice.”

“yeah, well, i’ve got to impress her.”  he kisses the top of kevin’s head.

christmas morning, kevin looks surprised when bella says “kevin’s turn” because he really isn’t expecting to get gifts.  he has money, he doesn’t need anything.

but then he opens the peanut butter sampler package, and after taking a moment to read it he starts to smile to himself.  “i love peanut butter.”  it’s almost a whisper, but it makes everyone laugh and sends warmth through his chest.

he hugs the box to his chest.  dalton hugs him from the side for a moment, and then kevin gets more surprised because dalton’s parents are handing him a bigger box and oh my god it’s a little portable mixer for his shakes and a nike gift card.

he and dalton do their gifts alone.

dalton gets him a big chunky weighted blanket and a new pair of sneakers that he’s been eyeing for weeks, and then kevin unwraps a small frame.  and in the middle is the ticket to the first game of kevin’s that he’d gone too, with a heart drawn on the corner so many times that it’d been indented the ticket.

he remembers teasing him about the heart, but he never knew he kept the ticket all this time.

kevin tackles him from where they’re sitting on the bed.  “i love it, and you.”

kevin gets dalton airpods, sweatpants that say “my boyfriend likes my tramp stamp” on the butt as a joke, and a box of his favorite coffee k-cups from a brand that supposedly stopped selling them months ago.

and last, a thin gold necklace, long enough to tuck under his shirt like he used to do with his cross necklace until it broke.  except this one has a small “k+d” hanging.

dalton’s smiling down at it, and rubs the charm.  he pouts and looks up at kevin.  “you got this made?”  he nods.  “can you put it on me?”

he nods, and drapes it around his neck to clasp it.  he presses a kiss to the back of dalton’s neck when he’s done, and dalton kisses him when he twists around.

“i love you.”  he wraps his arms around kevin’s neck and leans into him.  kevin lies down on his back so dalton’s on top of him.  he thumbs at the necklace hanging.

“looks good on you.”

dalton kisses him.  “i know.”

they have dinner at dalton’s aunts house.  it’s just her, her husband, and her two kids, so it’s nothing like the night before.

wymack calls just after dinner.  “merry christmas.  what are you doing?”

“merry christmas, we just ate, we’re at his aunt’s house.”

“everything going good?  no problems?”

he glances through the doorway at dalton at the table and smiles to himself.  “no problems.”

#kevin day #bisexual kevin day #kevin #the one where someone doesn’t know who kevin day is #OC: dalton miller #dalton miller #kevin day x dalton miller #exy #aftg #tfc #all for the game #the foxhole court #the foxes #david wymack #neil josten #andrew minyard #matt boyd #nicky hemmick #abby winfield #kayleigh day

[juvinile]

* LOGAN  LERMAN ,  CIS MALE  +  HE / HIM  |   you  know  SEAN  O’MALLEY ,  right ?  they’re  TWENTY - SIX ,  and  they’ve  lived  in  irving  for ,  like ,  THEIR  WHOLE  LIFE ?  well ,  their  spotify  wrapped  says  they  listened  to  FREAKING  OUT  ON  THE  INTERSTATE  BY  BRISTON  MARONEY  like ,  a  million  times  this  year ,  which  makes  sense  ‘cause  they’ve  got  that  whole  CHIPPED  BLACK  NAILS  ON  CALLOUSED  HANDS ,  STUMBLING  BLIND  THROUGH  DAEDALUS’S  LABYRINTH ,  SKATEBOARDING  ALONE  ON  HOT  PAVEMENT  thing  going  on .  i  just  checked  and  their  birthday  is  AUGUST  4TH ,  so  they’re  a  LEO ,  which  is  unsurprising ,  all  things  considered .   

TW  INCLUDE   divorce tw ,  alcoholism tw ,  bullying tw

hi  hi  hi  it’s  alli  previously  known  for  less  strange  things  than  playing  my  own  muse’s  sibling  but  i  hope  u  can  overlook  my  faults  and  my  hubris  bc  i  love  sean  and  he’s .  something .  ok  he he he 

GENERAL :

full name:   sean thomas o’malley

age / dob:   twenty - six  /  august 4th

gender:  cis male

pronouns:   he / him

occupation:  mechanic

zodiac:  leo

orientation:  bisexual & biromantic

faceclaim:   logan lerman

pinterest:   HERE !

AESTHETIC :

chipped black nails on calloused hands, stumbling blind through daedalus’s labyrinth, skateboarding alone on hot pavement, a broken stopwatch, the burn of whiskey and the ash of discarded cigarettes, clipped wings, no one taught icarus how to fly, earbuds that always manage to tangle themselves in your pocket, liminal space

CHARACTER ANALYSIS :

kyle scheible ( ladybird ) ,  alyssa ( end of the fucking world ) ,  klaus hargreeves ( the umbrella academy ) ,  steven hyde ( that 70s show ) ,  tony stonem ( skins ) ,  jonathan byers ( stranger things ) ,  frankie ( beach rats ) ,  alexander vass ( if we were villains ) ,  angie  ( the oa ) ,  lip gallagher ( shameless ) ,  literally every deadbeat stoner skateboarder side character in any tv show ever he literally modeled his personality after them

BRIEF  BIOGRAPHY :

sean thomas o’malley was the eldest born to patrick o’malley, an on again off again construction worker, and aoife o’malley nee murphy, a checkout clerk at the local supermarket.

he was a wild thing from the beginning  --  always tugging on his mother’s hair and biting at his father’s hands, so much trouble that his parents, in their happier years, affectionately coined him “scrap”.

his sisters came a few years later, first sloane and then fia, the three o’malley alley cats. their childhood was a decent one, poor as dirt and left to rot in lilac ridge, but a close knit bunch all the same.

sean was always grinning, even that time he chipped his tooth, lopsided and warm, and his parents usually weren’t drunk until long after the children had gone to bed.

though sean himself couldn’t see it for a while, his parents had a sort of reputation around town. the o’malleys were too poor, had too many kids to take care of, spent too little time at home, were too friendly with the local bartenders. and though they didn’t know exactly what they were echoing, the kids at school had a way of letting sean know exactly what their parents thought of his. he found that sticking up for himself meant sticking up for his sisters, and he learned he didn’t particularly hate getting into fights.

sean isn’t really sure himself when things started to change, perhaps when his mom stopped work at the supermarket, or when his father broke his ankle and had to take off from the construction site, but the facade of happiness at home never lasted.

they grew apart, all of the o’malley’s, aoife and patrick ending their marriage in a divorce, sean and the girls spending more and more time away from home. to escape, it seemed, from the ghost of a family.

he fell into his group of friends like he always falls into things, seemingly at random, and bless their hearts because he’s never been the easiest person to get along with. he’s combative, and indulgent, and maybe those parents were right when they used to warn people to stay away from the o’malley boy, but he’s got his heart in the right place. if only he knew how to properly express it, maybe he wouldn’t be so on edge all the time, so starkly defensive of what little he has.

he still takes care of his dad, who moved into an apartment in delphinus heights. he makes sure he gets out of bed in the morning, even if it means being late to his own crappy job. he makes sure he’s eating enough. he tries to borrow the one family car as little as he can, knows his dad needs it more. he tries to shield his sisters from having to know the extent of a deadbeat their dad is, wants better for all of them but knows he isn’t going to be the one to give better to them.

sean cares for them all deeply, his family and the few friends he has, but he’s never been great at expressing his emotions, not with them and certainly not with anyone else. he does what he can, working whatever job he manages to secure and sticking around irving  ( currently he’s taken to fixing cars but .. how long can sean really be good for  fixing  anything .. ) , but there’s an undeniable pull he feels in his gut, whispering that it doesn’t have to be this way. that there’s more, somewhere, anywhere else. he’s never had a problem listening to his gut before.

POSSIBLE  CONNECTIONS :

an ex, probably someone who ended up leaving and things were maybe never even that serious to begin with ??  everyone always knew sean would never make it out of irving and they just wanted really different things. maybe they’ve stayed in contact or maybe not, maybe it ended badly or maybe they just both knew it was coming and sean isn’t exactly the type to care enough to try to hold on.

skate crew, i think a few other muses skate or possibly even just go to the skate park to watch others skate ??  little social gathering thing going on. picture parties at 3am in the in ground pools, drunk half pipe usage, sliding down ramps on mattresses, chaos.

his childhood friend, maybe they stuck up for him when he was a kid getting bullied and has just been there for him through everything. his parents’ divorce, everyone leaving, his many failed attempts to hold a job. maybe they grew apart and now its awkward when sean skates by like hi :P

antagonistic, no matter how hard they try not to, they’ve always butted heads. sean’s so confrontational and he can’t keep his head on his shoulders. he’s always been an easy target, but he’s also always been so jealous. isolated himself and pities himself and it’s infuriating. they’re polar opposites, but they can be at each other’s necks one minute and grabbing a pint in the next. it’s complicated.

someone innocent, maybe someone who has come to him because they want to loosen up ??  they want to put themselves out there more. they’ve always been the voice of reason and they want to cut loose, they went away and now they’re back and they don’t know what to do, etc. just think it would be fun for sean to be the father of bad influence lmao

#irvingintro #divorce tw #alcoholism tw #bullying tw #this is kind of short and sloanes has #more family history i think bt #im going w it

[kcrinas]

hi  sexies  !   i’m  dani  (  she/her  )  ,  21  &  i’m  from  the  gta  aka  ur  messy  canadian  wassup  🤠  thank  u  guys  sm  for  applying  all  ur  muses  are  so  beautiful  &  im  sm  in  love  already  !  i  rly  wanna  plot  w  every  single  one  of  u  so  pls  give  this  a  like  for  permission  for  me  2  come  bug  u  for  plots  !  🖤  karina’s  info  &  wanted  connections  r  under  the  cut  !

karina maji was spotted in the fashion district adorning gucci leather ankle boots , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to don’t stop by meg thee stallion . you may know them as @karina or as that mishti rahman lookalike . their  twenty - fourth  birthday just passed . while living in tribeca , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be tenacious but on the other hand quixotic . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines .  (   cisfemale / she/her + dani / 21 / she/her  )

             *     𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  :

full  name  :  karina aarvi maji  .

nicknames  :  kar  ,  rina  ,  maji

age  :  twenty  -  four  .

gender  :  cisfemale  ,  she/her  .

sexual  orientation  :  pansexual  .

hometown  :  chicago , illinois   .

occupation  :  professional  mma  fighter  /  instagram  model  .

zodiac  chart  :   aquarius  sun  ,  gemini  moon  ,  scorpio  rising  .

character  inspo  : alicia mendez (  kingdom )  ,  cristina yang (  grey’s anatomy )  ,  princess jasmine (  aladdin  )  ,  megara (  hercules  )  ,  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  kat  stratford  (  10  things  i  hate  about  you  )

                  *  𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲  :

                                tw  :   death  ,  accident  ,  drugs  .  

karina’s  life  began  in  chicago  ,  illinois  .  born  where  her  parents  spent  their  life  ,  grew  up  together  &  eventually  ended  up  married  .  it  was  the  perfect  love  story  ,  best  friends  -  then  lovers  -  then  soulmates  .  tied  for  life  ,  married  young  ,  in  their  mid  20′s  .  but the  love  between  the  two  of  them  never  faltering  once  even  after  another  10  years  pass  .  

her  mother  ,  was  a  highly  sought  after  model  .  her  father  ,  one  of  the  most  legendary  ufc  fighters  in  the  league  .  the  maji’s  were  considered  royalty  to  the  tabloids  ,  their  love  story  inspiring  many  .  their  life   was  seemingly  so  perfect  ,  a  dream  to  many  .  &  when  they  found  themselves  blessed  with  a  little  girl  after  five  years  of  marriage  ,  it  just  made  them  an  even  more  “  perfect  ”  family  .

karina  was  treated  like  a  princess  ,  her  parents  adored  the  ground  she  walked  on  &  karina  did  the  same  with  them  .  she  was  well  -  behaved  growing  up  ,  knowing  how  lucky  she  was  to  be  living  so  luxurious  ,  something  her  parents  taught  her  to  appreciate  since  she  was  old  enough  to  understand  .  they  drilled  gratefulness  into  her  head  by  the  age  of  five  .  it  was  a  very  rare  occurrence  where  karina  would  fight  or  disrespect  her  parents  .

they  lived  in  chicago  for  many  years  ,  a  way  for  them  to  keep  their  roots  established  while  raising  karina  .  &  have  more  privacy  than  living  in  their  career  hubs  would  give  them  -  aka  ,  nyc  or  la  .  it  was  much  more  accessible  for  her  father  to  work  out  of  chicago  ,  but  for  her  mother  ,  there  were  many  hours  spent  travelling  between  chicago  &  new  york  .  too  many  .  

(   tw  death  ,  plane  crash  )  it  was  the  mere  age  of  17  ,  when  karina’s  loving  mother  never  returned  home  from  her  trip  to  new  york  .  tragedy  struck  when  her  plane  crashed  due  to  pilot  error  .  the  day  that  changed  not  only  karina’s  life  permanently  ,  but  her  father  too  .  both  their  hearts  broke  into  two  that  day  .

she  wondered  for  months  how  she  could  possibly  continue  life  &  living  without  her  mom  in  it  .  &  the  older  she  got  ,  the  more  &  more  the  feeling  invaded  her  .  through  every  life  experience  she  had  afterwards  she  wished  with  everything  in  her  that  her  mom  was  there  next  to  her  .  

karina  went  from  a  happy  ,  extroverted  &  polite  girl  to  a  closed  off  ,   sardonic  &  enigmatic  woman  .  it  was  as  if  the  light  was  taken  out  of  her  body  &  she  turned  into  someone  unrecognizable  . 

(  tw  drugs  )  it  tore  her  dad  apart  ,  after  taking  a  year  off  to  mend  ,  he  fell  into  a  spiral  of  alcohol  &  drugs  ,  and  he  never  went  back  .  his  career  completely  ended  .   to  this  day  ,  her  dad  hasn’t  stepped  foot  in  the  ring  since  her  mother’s  death  .

her  senior  year  of  high  school  -  karina  fell  into  that  same  spiral  .  using  cocaine  ,  xanax  ,  weed  &  booze  to  cure  her  broken  heart  .  &  she  felt  like  it  did  ,  for  a  little  while  anyway  .  by  some  miracle  ,  she  graduated  with  her  diploma  .  but  that  didn’t  mean  much  anyway  ,  karina  wasn’t  going  to  college   ,  she  knew  exactly  what  she  wanted  to  do  with  the  rest  of  her  life  .

karina  grew  up  religiously  watching  her  dad  fight  ,  she’d  seen  tapes  of  every  single  one  of  his  fights  before  she  was  old  enough  to  watch  them  &  from  before  she  was  born   .  religiously  trained  &  boxed  with  her  father  every  sunday  since  she  was  eleven  .  she  learned  the  ins  &  out  at  a  young  age  ,  &  fell  in  love  with  the  sport  the  second  she  took  her  first  swing  .  

she  fell  even  more  heavily  into  training  after  her  mom  passed  ,  spending  practically  every  single  day  honing  her  skills  &  building  herself  to  follow  in  her  dad’s  footsteps  &  become  one  of  the  best  fighters  the  ufc  has  ever  seen  .

began  building  her  career  at  eighteen  by  moving  to  new  york  city ,  she  was  signed  by  the  age  of  20  .  suddenly  appearing  in  the  tabloids  ,  there  was  something  about  her  that  seemed  to  bring  in  people’s  attention  .  mma  fans  or  not  ,   she  gained  a  large  following  on  social  media  .  

suddenly  ,  she  was  getting  sponsorship  offers  left  &  right  .  whether  it  was  mma  related  or  sugarbear  hair  ,  she  was  getting  them  .  karina  took  the  ones  that  paid  her  well  ,  &  her  following  just  seemed  to  keep  rising  every  day  after  that  ,  basically  became  considered  an  “ influencer ”  along  with  her  other  title  .  

at  the  age  of  21  ,  karina  became  one  of  the  youngest  female  ever  to  be  signed  by  the  UFC  .  this  was  a  big  deal  to  her  ,  as  it’s  a  dream  so  many  fighters  wish�� for  .  something  it  takes  years  of  hard  work  &  dedication  to  accomplish  .  something  she  worked  her  entire  life  for  .

she’s  been  fighting  with  the  ufc  for  the  last  three  years  ,  loving  every  minute  of  it   .  the  intense  training  ,  the  fights  ,  the  interviews  ,  it  all  gives  her  a  rush  she  can’t  explain  .  something  drugs  couldn’t  give  her  ,  which  she’s  required  to  get  tested  for  every  once  in  a  while  ,  usually  before  a  fight  .  she’s  found  her  ways  around  using  without  it  ruining  her  career  and/or  getting  caught  .  let’s  see  how  long  that  lasts  ..  ; - )  ksjndfsfd

with  all  the  money  that  she’s  reigned  in  the  last  few  years  from  the  ufc  along  with  her  instagram  sponsorships  ,  she’s  sending  a  lot of  it  to  her  father  ,  considering  his  “retirement”  fund  is  basically  non  -  existent  while  he  stays  cooped  up  in  their  chicago  family  home  ,  surrounded  by  memories  of  her  mother .  while  karina  stays  resided  in  her  cozy  tribeca  home  ,  only  steps  away  from  her  training  gym  .

                *  𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :

karina  is  a  v  hard  nut  2  crack  .  she’s  closed  off  ,  sardonic  &  doesn’t  really  converse  much  with  strangers  

it’s  basically  been  her  &  her  dad  since  her  mom’s  passing  ,  so  she’s  very  hard  to  get  close  to  .  but  once  u  do  ,  she’ll  never  let  u  go .

she’s  loyal  to  a  fault  ,  because  she’s  always  afraid  of  people  leaving / d*ing  .  

she’s  trying  to  branch  out  &  make  more  friends  since  moving  to  tribeca  ,  but  she  truly  doesn’t  open  up  to  anyone  .   if  she  opens  up  to  you  about  her  life  or  her  past  ,  she  truly  trusts  u  ,  &  that  means  something

she  tends  to  come  off  as  intimidating  or  ..  bitchy  ,  even  when  she  doesn’t  mean  to  .  her  personality  just  tends  to  be  dry  .  she  tends  to  have  dark  humour  ,  so  she  has  to  be  careful  who  she  makes  jokes  around skndfkk 

sometimes  tends  2  stir  up  drama  even  by  accident  .  nskjkf

if  she’s  not  training  for  a  fight  ,  she’ll  be  out  partying  every  night  .  dancing  on  tables  &  probably  getting  herself  kicked  out  of  whatever  bar/club  she  found  herself  in  that  night  .  doing  what  she  can  to  get  drunk  or  feel  any  type  of  high  ,  whether  that  be  drugs  or  waking  up  next  to  a  stranger  .  

she’s  heavily  into  fashion  &  always  posting  cute  outfits  on  instagram  ,  something  that  caused  her  following  to  grow  .

she’s  lowkey  a  hopeless  romantic  ...  seeing  how  her  parents  fell  in  love  ,   but  it  scares  tf  out  of  her  because  of  their  ending  .  &  she’d  literally  never  admit  this  to  anyone  ever  .

she’s  a  new  muse  &  i’m  still  developing  her  but  i  have  sm  muse  so  i’m  very  excited  &  i  rly  hope  you  guys  like  her  !

             *  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬  :

ok  hello  if  u  read  that  long  ass  messy  shit  ur  a  baddie  🖤  anyway  ,  for  wc’s  ,  i  literally  have  so  many  !!  they  are  all  listed  here  @karinawcs​ ,  so  take  a  peek  &  if  you  like  any  of  them  lmk  bc  i  have  tons  of  headcannons / ideas  for  all  those  !  hehe  ily  let’s  plot  

#10 yrs later hfdkskf #sry this got so fkn long ... #plot w me pls 🥺🖤 #wealthyhq:intro

[purplesurveys]

1248

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say?  I feel like I’ve answered a similar situation recently, but I would assume it was a drunk text or wrong text, inform them about it, and move on.

Do you play video games?  Nah. I do feel a sort of connection of video games since I grew up surrounded by them, though; but I’m more of a watcher than anything. I like watching playthroughs of video games I’ll never play. Do you spend a lot of time with family?  No. We used to, back when the quarantine was still a relatively new thing – we hung out in the living room all the time. But now that we’ve settled in this new normal, we’re back to our normal routines and I usually like staying in my room.

Is your house more than two stories tall?  Technically, yes. We have a rooftop that serves as the ‘third’ floor.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you?  My ex and I never hit one another; that’s a gigantic red flag even I would notice, considering I ignored most of the ones I saw hahaha.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!)  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to answer this question directly, but I like my generosity. I’m not sure if I can call it attractive, though. But if we were focusing on physical features, I like my smile.

What color is your hairbrush/comb?  Pink.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm?  My dad splurged on chips in his last grocery run so we actually have quite a lot of junk food in the pantry at the moment. He also bought several packs of cookie sandwiches, wafers, sunflower seeds, and garlic-flavored peanuts.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive?  Neither.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?  No, she’s just a good friend of mine.

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you?  I guess I don’t, because I’m not even aware of them.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female?  Guy. It was another reporter, so I just ignored it and luckily he didn’t PM me just to ask to add him back, which others have already done. I really hate when work people try to make their way into my personal accounts.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you?  My parents, especially when they are rude to service crew. Gen X-ers are impeccably talented at that, apparently.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate?  Around two or three weeks ago when I had dinner at Angela’s. Her dad gave me a bar of Crunch so I can have something sweet after our meal.

Do you play any games on Facebook?  No, I never did hop on that trend.

What would you like to get a degree in?  I wanted a degree in journalism, and graduated with such. At the end of my college stint I didn’t want to pursue it anymore, but I pushed through with it anyway because it was too much of a hassle to shift and start all over.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Technically not, because I stay up until the middle of the night anyway. It’s been a while since I fell asleep anywhere between 8 to 10 PM.

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game?  Watch a show.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater?  I don’t like either; I get fries instead.

What genre of films do you like the best?  Drama.

How many bank accounts do you have?  Two but I haven’t been using the other one in months. That was the bank account I initially opened when I first started ~adulting~ but when I got employed I was required to enroll in this other specific bank, so that’s what I mainly use now.

Have you ever had the flu?  Not really. I just get the occasional fever that pop out of nowhere.

What is your goal for the next few months?  Start saving FOR REAL, and also prioritizing furniture over merch for a while so I can finally fix up my room, which is quickly starting to look and feel like just a warehouse and not very homey at all.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life?  Nope.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience.  Yeah, it was from barbecue that apparently went bad, even though it tasted nothing of the sort. I woke up at 3 AM sweating profusely and with the most excruciating stomachache; I was feeling hot, cold, and nauseous all at the same time, and it probably lasted for like an hour or so.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for?  Sealed albums and my pets’ vet expenses.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex.  Charming and smart.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it?  It felt nice to help people.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? Good question; I’ve never encountered this before. I would let her live a more comfortable, privileged life, where she didn’t have to staple her shoes to keep them closed or have to choose between eating at a fast food restaurant or being able to commute back home.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I’m not sure, actually. Everyone’s always slightly taller than me.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you?  I haven’t.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see?  Tumblr, I guess? My survey blog isn’t for any irls to see.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping?  I don’t really do either often, but I’ll go with mopping.

Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious?  Not for me.

Did you pull a senior prank?  No, that’s not a thing here. Did you graduate?  Yeah, elementary, high school, and college.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship?  Nope.

What was the last song you listened to?  It’s a song called Epiphany.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision?  Not ever since I was like 9 lol.

Is fashion one of your interests?  I’m way more interested in it now for sure, mostly because the celebrities I’m into these days put a lot of effort when it comes to their style; so it makes me more aware of the trends that come and go, as well.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone?  I’m keeping it as a possibility, but it’s not a priority for me now.

Do you care what people think?  To an extent, I would say. My life doesn’t depend on it, though.

Is acting something you enjoy?  Never been.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained?  Do you mean a thing or a body part? Anyway, I’ll answer both. The last thing I broke was my BTS Mic Drop pen of V looooooooooool the figurine came off the pen :(( It was pretty cheap though so I’m fine with it; I can always get another one. Last body part I sprained was my ankle, when I had a bad fall a couple of years ago.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours?  Either hasn’t happened.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?  I don’t think so.

Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at?  Angela’s. Also JM’s, just because their family doesn’t hover and that vibe can sometimes be nice whenever I’m at someone else’s place.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you?  Never.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Not as a very young kid, but I took up table tennis starting when I was 12. Did you ever watch the show Full House?  Nope.

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry?  Now that’s just delusional haha. I’m pretty obsessed with some celebrities, that much I can admit; but thinking of them in the context of marriage is so many steps overboard.

Have you ever burned someone’s picture?  No. I could, but I am scared of fire and will probably just think of other ways to express my anger, like tearing up the photograph. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on?  Total length was probably like 3 hours. I haven’t gone too far when it comes to hiking.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo?  Not interested.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Hans.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes?  My mom tried it once in her life, I think. My dad has never smoked.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it?  “Hope right here!”

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want.  Anything that’s supposed to roam freely in the wild, like squirrels.

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller?  Taller, since I’m already quite pint-sized to begin with lol.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. < Agree, especially with the eras. Childhood photos are always fun to look at, but I have had to delete a CHUNK of photos from years ranging from 2014 to 2020 because I’ve lost a handful of friends from that period.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people?  It’s hard to for the most part, but I’ve noticed very few people people really don’t. Most of the time it’s bullshit though.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in?  That it’s pretty close to the metro.

What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during?  Hmm, I prefer TV shows if I’m craving comedy.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during?  Life Is Beautiful.

What’s your favorite restaurant?  Omakase for my sushi fix; School Tteokbokki if I want Korean; Yabu if I’m looking for a generous rice meal.

Is there a dessert you don’t like?  Anything with fruits.

Favorite album?  After Laughter by Paramore.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it?  I can name authors instead of books – John Green and Haruki Murakami.

Underwater or outer space?  Outer space.

Dogs or cats?  Dogs.

Kittens or puppies?  Puppies.

Bird watching or whale watching?  Whale watching. I don’t get to be in the water as much, so I would jump at the opportunity.

What is your spirit animal?  I dunno if I have one but let’s just go with dog and elephant, I guess? They’re my favorites.

What was your best subject in school?  History.

What was your worst subject in school?  Chemistry.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school?  Don’t waste your time.

Who is your fashion icon?  Audrey Hepburn.

Diamonds or pearls?  Diamonds.

What color dress did you wear to prom?  For my own prom it was cream-colored/beige. When I went to Mike’s ball, I went with a royal blue gown.

What’s your favorite plot-twist?  I don’t think I’ve found my favorite yet.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?  Not actively.

Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?  I dunno...road rage, maybe?

Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad?  It’s very likely.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out?  Sometime in the last week.

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? No thanks.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call?  Nope.

Who are you closest to?  Angela.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience?  No, all the ones I’ve been to have been amazing experiences.

Are you currently sad about anything?  Not really. I can’t complain.

Have you had any form of exercise today?  Nah.

Can you handle blood?  Nope, I will feel faint if I see it 100%.

Has any place hired you underage for a job?  No.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon?  I haven’t.

Are you currently searching for a job?  No, I like the one I have.

Does eating breakfast make you sick?  No?

#survey #surveys

[propertyofwicked]

Could you do an a-z for dating dean please? I loved tom’s! 😍

i really enjoy writing these :) ive got a george one requested so i will be doing that later. hope you enjoy this one anon :)

a - argue

like the mature adults you guys are, any argument results in silent treatment till one of you realises your fault and apologises. sometimes it takes other people to point out your mistakes, but in the end you would talk it out, make compromises and understand your differences. a little goes along way with you and dean.

b - body (his favourite body part of yours)

dean likes your hands. he likes how they move to cup his face when you kiss, he likes how your fingers move effortlessly across your keyboard when you’re typing, he likes how they wrap around things ;) he likes how they fit perfectly in his and he likes how they run over the surface of his back.

c - care (caring for each other when you’re sick)

you both spend a lot of time away from each other, as he is away filming a lot and you are at uni or doing coursework. when you do get to spend time together and it happens that someone is ill, you’re still going to spend as much time together as physically possible. you’ll spend the day in bed, wrapped up warm. If you’re ill, dean wants to treat you like a queen. under no circumstances are you to leave the bed, unless it’s for the toilet, and even then, he keeps an eye on you to make sure you don’t pass out on the way. he’ll cook you food and bring you painkillers as often as needed. when he’s ill, you’ll do mostly the same, perhaps try and move him to the sofa or go for a walk for some fresh air.

d - dates (what do you guys do?)

to the start of your relationship, dean preferred to take you on high key fancy restaurants, but once you were comfortable settled together you’d go on cafe dates in-between lectures or just stay home and watch movies with some takeaway food.

e - engagements (how he proposed) 

dean had taken you to venice for your birthday, and spent the entire week spoiling you,as he usually would much to your protests. on the last night before you flew home, you went for dinner and on the way home, he took you to a cute little bridge, tucked away from the main town. whilst you were distracted by the stars appearing in the orange sky, he got down on one near and called out your name to gain your attention.

f - friends and family (do they like you/him?)

his parents loved you. his mum and you often cooked together whenever you visited for dinner, or you and his dad would talk about politics or the football. His little sister liked having a female around that was closer to her age, you were more of her friend than her sister-in-law. your parents liked dean, he was the most respectable boy you’d ever dated and they could see how happy he made you. out of each of your friendship groups, you both were the longest to be single, so your friends were just happy to see you not crying over some failed fling.

g - gifts

as dean was away for filming a lot, he often wanted to remind you of how much he loved you by getting flowers delivered to your house and when he was done filming, he’d sometimes brought back bits of set or props that he thought you would like. being a broke student meant that sometimes the only gift you could send would be some lovely photos specially for him ;)

h - how you met

often, your uni would use it’s rooms to host interviews for press tours, or q&a halls. the uni offered pay for a group of people to set up the rooms and pack up at the end so you volunteered. tt was here you ran into george and dean as it was a 1917 q&a. they were lost so you helped direct them to the room they needed to be in. dean actively stalked you down after the interview and asked if you’d want to go for coffee with him and you hit it off from there.

i - intimacy (how often are yall getting down)

whenever, wherever. he’s down. the amount of time you spend apart just builds up your need to be together, so you grasp at any chance you can to be physically intimate with one another. it’s when you’re bored of a tv program, or he’s wearing a suit, you get the gist.

j - jealousy

you get fairly jealous as dean works around and with a lot of people you believe to be better, prettier, that yourself. as much as dean reassures you, you can’t help yourself from wondering if he’d ever leave you for one of the actress he work with. dean doesn’t tend to be massively jealous, but the more time he spends away from you, the more jealous he gets. he fears that you will find someone who can be in your life more permanently and physically than he can.

k - kinks

dean likes edging/control. he loves to see you struggle to contain your release until he says so, and he loves to take you beyond the point of pleasure till you’re literally begging to cum.

l - long distance

with dean working away so much, long distance gets hard. Sometimes he manages to come home for the weekend, but he could be gone for 3 months at a time. every night, you facetime or call each other whilst just going about your daily routine together, as if he was there. just hearing each others voices daily was enough to keep you going till you saw each other again.

m - moving in

there was never really a point where you moved in with him. your stuff just started manifesting it’s way into his house, to the extent you’d spend ages searching your room for it only to realise you’d left it at dean’s. once you were going into your second year at university, you’d been with dean for almost a year and he just kind of suggested that you live with him to avoiding massive bills for uni halls, but everyone knew it was a ploy to be able to spend more time with you.

n - nights out

as a student, nights out were key to social engagements. so, your group of uni friends and their partners would head out to a local pub and spend the evening chatting drinking or playing darts. you’d both stumble home at the early hours and wake up several hours later with a pounding hangover.

o - open with each other

whilst he was away, it was hard to be fully open with each other, knowing that anything bothering you would just upset each other further as you couldn’t be with each other at the time. once he was home, however, it was easy to spend hours wrapped up together talking about anything that was on your mind.

p - pda

neither of you are particularly into massive displays due to the public eye being on you more often than not, but a simple hand hold or peck didn’t go amiss. dean preferred to save all of his affection for home, where he could properly show you how much you meant to him.

q - questions (what you talk about late at night?)

let’s be honest, you would go into any massively deep conversation it’d be more along the lines of “how was your day? what did you do?  did I ever tell you about the time that...” but it was the small moment s like that that counted.

r - reproduction (do you want kids?)

not at this point in time, as it is the start of your careers and you’re both pretty young but you had discussed it a little. if it was to happen by surprise, you’d both embrace it but one day down the line you fully plan to have atleast a child if not more.

s - surprising (what surprised you about him)

the simplicity of his happiness. it doesn’t take much to make dean smile, or let out a little laugh but every time he did you feel a surge of happiness rush through yourself. to see him happy made you happy, so you’d strive to do that as much as humanly possible.

t - together (what you do together)

you guys like watching movies, which isnt surprising given the nature of deans job. you also like to spend quite a lot of time in the bedroom ;)

u - under the influence (drunk vibes)

it was rather common that you’d be out separately, you out with uni mates or him with co stars. drunk calls were the best, both of you becoming the funniest people alive whilst intoxicated. when he chose to stay home and you’d make you way back, fumbling to get the keys in the lock subsequently waking him up, he’d come to you and put you in bed. he’d make sure there was a glass of water and painkillers and a bowl near your head. you’d do the same, but drunk dean is flirty dean and whilst you were trying to change him into sleepable clothing, he’d make comments like “at least by me dinner first”

v - vacations

a lot of your holidays were spent on set with him, but sometimes you’d go abroad to malta or somewhere remote. you preferred quiet, adventure holidays than expensive beach holidays.

w - wedding

you had the cutest wedding ever. it was in this converted barn, with both your families and friends attending and the reception was basically a massive party in very fitting taste for you and dean.

x - xray (when he’s hurt)

dean injured himself on set of 1917, where he slipped down a trench and twisted his ankle fairly bad. because of it, he was sent home for two weeks to recuperate, where you literally tended to his every need. you brought him food, drink, medication and care to the point where he literally had to make you spend time on your other work rather than him for some time. normally it would just end in you falling asleep, cuddling on the sofa, in your living room.

y - you (a random headcanon) 

you’d had a long and bad day at uni, so you came home stressed out of your mind, muscled tensed and a pounding headache. the moment you stepped foot into the flat, you bag dropped to the floor and shoes kicked to the side, you walked into the living room where dean looked up at you and sent you a small smile. he noticed the fatigue in your eyes and posture, moving to pat his lap for you to sit on. You found your way onto his lap, legs wrapping around his waist as he moved to lay down. you hands moved under his back to hold him properly and one of his arms snaked around your waist, the other moving to brush a hand through your hair. his head lifted up slightly to press a kiss onto the top of your head.

“bad day?”

“very. but it’s slightly better now.”

“you’re very welcome babygirl”

z - zzzzzzzzzzzz’s (sleeping routine)

dean would be in bed before you every night without fail as you’d be sat doing coursework till late. but he always stayed awake till you made your way into the room and held out his arms for you to climb into and rest your head on his chest. his hands would go straight to your hair and brush through them softly, lulling you into a deep sleep that he too would fall into soon after you.

#1917 #dean charles chapman #dean charles chapman x reader #dean charles chapman imagine #tom blake #tom blake x reader #tom blake imagine #george mackay #george mackay x reader #george mackay imagine #will schofield #will schofield x reader #will schofield imagine

[sageadrianwhite]

***trigger warning possible***

With good news tho

So 2 weeks away as of this Saturday from 7 years clean!!! I've managed nearly for 7 years not to fall back on drugs & drinking. I've managed for almost 7 years not to starve myself either. I struggle in my 20's to not self harm, but always stop myself where I've maybe done one and realized stopping myself.

I've managed to get worlds better I remember being 19 an addict thinking I wouldn't see 21. I was almost right September 5th 2013 about a month before my 20th birthday. I nearly took my own life due to losing someone I loved, after I had found my one, when I had finally gotten free massive truma and the abuse of my ex. The guy I was with who was also my best friend in this world and was the one of the only reasons I was beating my addictions at the time. He was stood by me and pushing me for my best and to finally get better after a 5 year struggle to overcome the truma I've been though. I was the teen you hear about with a Micky or 2-6er taped under the bed frame. A stash of drugs hidden in a buildabear. The "rich kid" that couldn't handle the pressure of being the perfect Islamic daughter and live up to the perfect image keeping it all together spending lots on products and makeup to look not like an addict So my parents, friends and teachers didn't know. It doesn't make it easier when your abusive fiancee at the time gives you the option to be beaten or do the drugs or have your face forced in them and they have their way after.... I was a dumb 18 year old, but I'm the islamic culture not uncommon from 18-26 to marry.

It broke me when a boyfriend of mine died. It went two weeks no contact as of the night we said I love you the first time when he told me he had to pick up his drunk abusive father from the bar.......I told him to be careful and text me when hes home safe turns out he told his dad about us. His father was upset and enraged he was dating a girl who was 19 when he had just turned 18.... so his father grabbed the wheel jerking it. They hit a pole. He died on impact my then boyfriend. His father died 2 days later in hospital.

I found out two weeks later when his mom got into his Skype and called me saying shes glad she finally got in to his social media so she could let me know as he only knew his passwords.

That night My abusive ex found me when I went to the bar. I wanted to drown for a night the feeling of loss as it was the first true close loss I have had to deal with by then and was planning to then get back to sobriety the next day from finding out my boyfriend had died.

That night my abusive ex gave me drugs and convinced me to kill myself before leaving the bar with my ex best friend he cheated with. The fact he made me believe with the abuse, bullying, learning disabilities and mental illness I was the problem and believe I was better off dead due to being hammered and in a severe grieving state..

I don't remember anything after taking the drugs just waking up in my bed at home about 5 in the morning with a damp feeling all around my blanket and sheets, my room smelt coppery, my mouth tasted like a penny, but I was sitting up hugging my knees cold as hell. I felt the urge to pee so I got up fast not thinking and ran to the bathroom soon as I went past the mirror I saw the fact I was all bloody. I had unconsciously self harmed myself to the point I had 167 cuts on my body between my arms, ribs, thighs, ankles and hips. I felt dizzy looking at myself covered in blood trying to stop it. I lost conciousness and fell I hit my cheek on the way down which to this day causes me the odd facial pain due to if I had hit it any harder I would have broke the bone in my cheek and end up needing cosmetic surgery. I passed out waking up 20 mins later. I remember forcing myself to get up falling straight down to a near passout state lying there unable to move call for help or anything. I had still been bleeding and I had fading in and out consciousness at that point and somehow I heard his voice telling me "it isnt my time, I've got so much to do and this isnt where my story ends. I need to get up, I am meant for much better things than this and he better no be seeing me any time soon that when everything feels lost fight against all odds. Prove everyone wrong that you will see 25 and be something"

I somehow pushed myself up fading in and out of consciousness and stumbled bloody down the hall half using the wall and crawling till I managed to get my moms bedroom door open as I managed to grab her ankle and raspiley say "mom I need help I'm sorry"

I passed out again just as she sat up in shock looking at what I looked like last thing I remembered was the horror on her face and. When I came to my mom had saved my life and my little sister who was 13 was crying thinking she was gonna lose me. My mom she had stopped the bleeding, and made me throw up while unconscious to sober and get some of the drugs out which saved my life and she got me drinking wholy detox tea soon as I could drink and swallow plus some watermelon for the sugars.

After I spent 2 months with a massive black eye and healing cuts covering my body. That night I almost died and my mom saved my life on what would have been my little sister's first day of high school, September 5th 2013. I got help I joined therapy, I went to AA in secret till 5 months in when i had a routine, I went to NA for 4 months till I had a solid plan and was sober, started looking at programs for my mental illness and learning disorders. By 21 I had been a year an a month sober.

Now at 26 years old I've been almost 7 years sober as of September 5th 2020.

It will be 7 years sober and clean. I own my own business, I travel, I have my physical health for the first time in 10 years almost and I have the most loving, understanding, compassionate, sweet funny and kind guy possible

These days I couldn't be happier healthier and luckier to be here after what I went through life is too short to be filled with misery and hate and too short to waste being disillusioned by a fake happiness created by chemicals that arent good for you. I remember the monster I was and my lash outs and after seeing others addictions I know what I sadly put my loved ones through.

Please if you need help go seek it it's never too late because addiction is only ment to destroy you and everything you love so please don't let it win and get help

I don't post much besides the odd photo of myself here and there on my tumblr, but too many people I've cared about in my life I've lost them to drugs, I almost lost myself 7 years ago. I've had people who did drugs and turned abusive or into a monster losing themselves in the process of thinking they are medicating their issues like I did. So please if you suffer go get help it may be an underlying reason of why you have addiction mine is due to BPD (Boraderline personally disorder) which also has its issues with impulse control.

Just please get help its never to late to get treatment. Please do not wait till you get where I was. To this day I still deal with lasting effects from being a addict in my formative teen years. Odd stomach pains, not often hungry, a valve issue better my kidneys and bladder, facial pain from the fall and some digestive issues, plus old injuries that didnt heal right due I medicated for because I couldn't lose my sports or music & theater. Addiction is no joke please get help before if destroys you and everything you hold dear to you.

[nazariolahela]

Best Beloved: Chapter 2

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a PM AU I’ve been working on. It’s a bit different than my previous fic series and I’m really excited to try something new. I hope y’all enjoy it. This story is told in dual first-person narrative, from Kaia (F!MC) and Damien’s POV. The first half of this story takes place during Kaia’s freshman year and Damien’s senior year of college. The second half is two years after Kaia graduates. There will be sprinklings of canon in this fic, but we’ll try to step out of the box for the most part. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @lady-calypso​ @irishwhiskys-blog​

Synopsis: What happens when you find yourself crushing on your best friend? For years, Damien and Kaia have been friends, while secretly harboring feelings for one another. Everything changes one night after a little too much alcohol and years of pent up feelings. Can they control their emotions and salvage their friendship, or will the feelings they hold for one another destroy everything they have?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Nadia introduces the group to her new boyfriend. Kaia and Damien get paired up for a class project.

Kaia

“Kaia! Over here,” Sloane called out from across the dining hall. I waved to her and snaked my way through the tables of cliques that made up Hartfeld’s student body. Jocks. Greek Life. Musicians. Techies. Theater Kids. When you think about it, college wasn’t that different from high school.

I arrived at the table she held for us and set my bag down next to my chair. “Nadia just text me. She’s on her way and should be here any minute.”

Sloane nodded and her stomach made an angry growling sound. “Do you mind if I go get in line now? I only had a granola bar for breakfast this morning and I’m starving.”

“Nope. Go ahead,” I told her. She smiled and made her way over to the register. I watched her scan her meal card, then happily skip over to the pizza station. I pulled out my phone and opened up my text messages to ask Nadia where she was when a high-pitched voice rang out through the dining hall.

“Kaia! There you are!” my cousin shouted as she meandered her way across the dining hall. I stood up from my seat and greeted her with a hug.

“Hey, girlie. How were your first few classes?”

“Oh. My. GODS, Kaia! I am SO excited for this semester,” she squealed. “I literally have the best schedule. It’s all art classes!”  She reached into her bag and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to me. “What’s your class schedule look like?” 

I pulled mine out and handed it to her. “Mostly Gen Eds. But I do have a 200 level course, which I’m kind of excited about.” I scanned her class schedule and my eyebrows dipped into a V. “You know you’re going to have to take your Gen Eds before you can take your upper-level courses, right?”

She waved me off. “I can do that next semester. College is all about having fun. Who wants to take a bunch of boring courses where stuffy professors drone on about things no one cares about?”

I shook my head and handed her back her schedule. That’s Nadia for you. She never took anything serious growing up, which both amused and worried me. She did the same thing in high school. Her advisor told her she couldn’t take all elective courses, so when it came to the end of her high school career, she had to backload a bunch of Math and Science courses just to graduate on time.

A few minutes later, Sloane approached the table, holding her lunch tray. She set it down and took a seat next to me. “You must be Nadia. I’m Sloane. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, extending her hand to Nadia.

“Oh, my gods! You are so pretty!” Nadia replied, leaning over the table and wrapping Sloane up in a hug. Sloane tensed up for a moment, then relaxed and patted Nadia on the back before they released from each other’s grips.

“So...Where’s this mysterious guy you’re so eager for me to meet? I’m starving!” I said to Nadia. At that moment, she jolted up from her seat and began waving her arms over her head.

“Steve! Come say hi to my cousin,” she said. “Guys! I want you to meet my boyfriend.” Sloane and I exchanged a glance and mouthed “boyfriend?” as a tall blond guy made his way over to our table. He was at least six feet tall and built like a tight end. I eyed the Berry High Letterman jacket he wore and was taken aback. I didn’t think that was Nadia’s type. His long locks framed his face, and he tucked a strand behind one of his ears as he approached us.

“You must be Kaia! I’ve heard so much about you ” he smiled as he extended his hand. I took it in a friendly shake.

“All good things, I hope,” I replied, side-eyeing my cousin.

She laughed, wrapping an arm around Steve’s torso. “Ignore my cynical cousin. She’s totally kidding. This is Sloane, Kaia’s friend.” He shook her hand and then he and Nadia took a seat across the table from me and Sloane.

“Sorry, I’m late. My marketing class ran late,” he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Nadia’s temple.

“No biggie, babe. You’re here now.”

Sloane and I gave each other amusing looks at Nadia's use of the word 'babe.' “So, Steve. What are you majoring in?” I asked.

His eyes lit up. “Econ & Finance. My dad runs an investment firm that I’m hoping to take over after graduation. That is if my NFL career doesn’t pan out. Got into Hartfeld on a football scholarship.”

“You play football? What position?” Sloane asked, shoving a bite of pizza in her mouth.

“Wide receiver. I was a five-star recruit coming out of high school,” he replied, pointing to the logo on his letterman jacket. “I’m hungry, babe. Ready to get something to eat?”

“Let’s go,” Nadia answered. “Come on, Kaia.” I waved to Sloane and followed Steve and Nadia up to the register. We scanned our lunch cards and Steve made a beeline for the carving station. Nadia and I moved over to the sandwich station. She decided on the Caprese Melt while I opted for the Reuben.

“Soooo...what do you think?” Nadia inquired as we stood in line for dessert.

“He seems nice. How’d you guys meet?”

“Funny story. We’re dorm neighbors. I was moving my things into my room move-in weekend, and I had some boxes piled up in front of the door. So, I’m in my room trying to set stuff down when I hear this loud crash. I run out into the hall and there he is, laying on the ground, my stuff scattered everywhere. I had set the boxes down in front of his door and when he came out of his room, he accidentally tripped over it. I thought he broke his ankle because he was rubbing it. I felt so bad. I grabbed a cold pack and brought him into my room to elevate it and put ice on it.  I asked him if there was anything I could do to make it up to him. He said, ‘Take me out to dinner and we’ll call it even.’ So I took him out Saturday night to this cute little restaurant. We got to talking. Hit it off immediately. We came back to the dorms, got a little drunk. One thing led to another, and, well…”

“STOP! For the love of gods, please stop. I do not need to hear the rest of that sentence,” I pleaded. She giggled and picked up a plate of blueberry pie, setting it on the tray next to her sandwich. “So you guys are official now?”

“As of last night,” she blushed, her eyes sparkling. Uh oh. I knew that look. I love my cousin, but she tends to fall in love way too quickly. The douchey theater kid she dated our sophomore year of high school comes to mind. They only knew each other for a few weeks, but she claimed they were in love. Her parents hated the guy and forbade her from seeing him, so she ran away from home so they could be together. Thankfully his parents found them at the train station before it took off. They shipped him off to some boarding school out west and she never heard from him again.

“Soooo...guess who I literally ran into this morning,” I said changing the subject. 

“Who?”

“Damien.”

Nadia gasped, nearly dropping her tray. I looked over at her and saw the frown on her face. She was the only one who knew of the “situation,” besides Damien and me. She was with me the days following his departure when I cried endlessly and refused to get out of bed.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I mean, it was a shock seeing him, but I think enough time has passed where we can be around each other without shit getting awkward. Plus, I guess he has a girlfriend now.”

She sighed and reached out to touch my arm. “Let me know if you want to talk about it, okay?”

I nodded and we made our way back to the table where Sloane and Steve were chatting over their schedules.

“I heard Dr. Carson is a real hardass. I am not looking forward to that class,” she replied.

“What class is that?” Nadia asked, sitting down next to Steve. He slung an arm around the back of her chair and stuck his fork in her pie, stealing a bite.

“Calculus. Sloane and I have it at 2 today,” he said, licking the blueberry filling off his fork. Nadia watched him, eyes filled with lust and I cleared my throat to snap her out of it. “What classes do you have, Kaia?” he asked.

I slid my schedule across the table to him and he eyed it, then nodded approvingly. Nadia snuck a peek at Sloane’s schedule, then turned to me. “I’m kind of sad we don’t have any classes together this semester, Kaia. We’ll have to make sure we make time to hang out.”

“That’s your fault for not taking any Gen Eds, dork,” I replied, chucking a french fry at her. She swatted it away with her hand and laughed. The four of us talked through the remainder of our lunch hour. We discussed our majors, Steve’s football schedule, and any good parties coming up. Steve then invited us to watch the Bobcats play their first home game of the season on Saturday. Sloane commented that she had never been to a football game or a party before and we all gasped.

“Seriously, never?” Nadia questioned.

Sloane shook her head and took a sip of her Diet Coke. “I was too busy studying to participate in all that stuff. Plus, no one ever invited me.”

Nadia slammed her palm down on the table, causing all of us to jump. “That’s it, Sloane. I’m giving you your first real taste of college life. You’re coming to the Delta Mu Kappa party with us on Saturday. The quarterback on Steve’s team is a member and he’s extended an invitation to all the new freshmen. It’s kind of like a housewarming party for the new school year. You should come too, Kaia.”

Sloane looked over at me nervously. I smiled and turned back to Nadia. “Sounds fun. We can meet after Steve’s game and go together.”

“It’s a date,” Nadia said, clapping her hands together excitedly. We finished up lunch and headed off to our next classes. I made my way through the bustling crowd back to Clark Hall, where my noon class was held. Thankfully, I didn’t have to trek to the third floor this time. I arrived in room 210 for Dr. Ross’s Interpersonal Communication class. I scanned the rows of desks, looking for an open seat, and found one near the middle of the room. I made my way past the chairs filled with chatting students and claimed my spot for the semester.

I pulled out my MacBook and a bag of candy and prepared to take notes once class began when a familiar voice spoke. “Is this seat taken?”

I looked up and locked eyes with Damien. Oh. Shit.

***

Damien

“Is this seat taken?” I asked, hoping that it wasn’t.

When I walked into Dr. Ross’s classroom a few moments ago, I spotted her almost immediately. I noticed the empty seat next to her and thanked the Gods for my good luck. I moved through the rows of seats and approached where she was sitting, watching her type on her laptop. A bag of Skittles lay open on her desk. She always loved those damn things. Once a week we’d walk down to the convenience store just so she could buy them.

She looked up from her computer at the sound of my voice and her eyes immediately went wide, like she had just seen a ghost. She quickly composed herself and shook her head, motioning for me to sit down. 

I plunked down in the chair and drank in the sight of her. I couldn’t believe the girl I knew all those years ago looked like that. I was so taken aback by her bumping into me in the courtyard, I didn’t get a chance to appreciate her beauty. Her soft chocolate waves rested on her shoulder. Her deep brown eyes were the color of the earth after torrential rain. Her full lips pressed together as she chewed on the bottom one nervously. Her black and white collared shirt and A-Line skirt gave me some serious naughty schoolgirl vibes.

“Well, fancy running into you again,” I said with a laugh.

“Thankfully no humans or phones were injured in the process this time. But at least I can tell people you literally knocked me off my feet,” she quirked. Her comment drew a hearty laugh from me and several students turned around to look at us.

I winked and smiled back at her. “And no wardrobe casualties this time. My eyes traveled downward and I noticed she was no longer wearing pantyhose, giving me a view of her long legs. Down, boy I mentally told my dick. 

Her cheeks flushed and she turned away. “Yeah, I had to toss them. Can’t walk around on the first day with a run in my pantyhose. Know what I mean?” She replied, brushing away an invisible piece of lint from her skirt.

“Mmm, I know all about that. My freshman year, I went through so many pairs of pantyhose. Had to stop wearing them ‘cause I couldn’t afford to keep buying new ones. You have a lot to learn, freshman.”

She giggled, the melodic sound filling my ears. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I’m in this class.”

She burst out laughing but stopped when she noticed I wasn’t joking. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, long story. I’ll tell you about it later." 

At that moment, Dr. Ross strolled in and began the class. I pulled out my notebook, sneaking peeks of her from the corner of my eye. She was fully immersed in the lecture, typing furiously as the professor went over the syllabus. 

I remember being that eager on my first day. Taking note of every word the professor said, making sure not to miss a thing. Now, I just rely on the cliff notes and blind luck. I was pretty sure I still had my notes from the first time I attempted to take this class. I reminded myself to look for them this afternoon. I watched her for a few moments as the professor went over what to expect from this class. Her long, slender fingers glided over the keys as her lips pursed in concentration.

“Can I borrow a pencil?” I leaned in and whispered. I didn’t need one, I just wanted an excuse to talk to her. She reached into her bag and handed it to me, our fingers lightly brushing as I took it from her. Her breath hitched and she jerked her hand back like she touched a hot stove. The corner of my mouth tugged up in a small grin. 

Professor Ross moved on to discussing the series of semester group projects he had planned for us. Oh boy. Here we go again. I tried to avoid group projects for most of my college career. They’re fucking awful. One person in the group always ended up doing the majority of the work, while everyone else fucked off and still got the credit. I did, however, meet Alana through a group project, so I guessed they weren't all bad.

“Okay, class. I’m going to divide you into groups of four. When I call your name, pair up with the other members of your group and get started on an outline for your first project.” He began calling off names and students shuffled around the room to pair up with their new groupmates. “...Group 4 will be Brad King, Allison Page, Kaia Park, and Damien Nazario.”

I looked over at Kaia and she ducked her head. Well, then. I gathered up my books and followed her over to where Allison and Brad sat. My eyes involuntarily traveled down her back and landed right on her ass as her skirt swished with her movements.

Stop it, Dames. But it was no use. This was happening, and my dick couldn’t be happier. I moved my books in front of my crotch to hide the semi currently taking up residence in my pants. She took a seat where a guy with brown hair and glasses, and a girl with wavy blonde hair were sitting. I grabbed the one next to her and subtly adjusted myself.

Brad, the self-appointed group leader took one look at Kaia, making a show of slowly looking up and down her body, then held his hand out to her with a smirk. “Well, you look promising.” He glanced around the classroom, then back to her. “You’re obviously the hottest girl here, which means we definitely need to be introduced.”

“Uh...I’m Kaia,” she asked, holding out her hand for a shake.

He took her hand and drew it to his lips for a kiss. “The name’s Brad,” he replied. Of course, it was. And he was a textbook douchebag. I shot a look at Kaia and Allison, silently begging them to let me punch him.

Allison piped up. “Hi, I’m Alli-”

“Alright, let’s skip introductions and move straight to the part where you give me your number,” Douchebag Brad said, waving Allison off and wiggling his eyebrows in Kaia’s direction.

“Orrr...we could just stick to introductions so we can get on with this project.” she snapped. That’s my girl!

Brad winked at her then eyed me incredulously. “And you must be Damien.”

“Yep, that's me. Let’s get this over with so we can start assigning parts.” I said, rolling my eyes.

Douchebag Brad smirked then opened up the packet Professor Ross handed us. “Okay, everyone turn to page three, where you’ll see a list of topics for this project. I was thinking we could do the first part on the Gibbs Reflective Cycle.”

“What about the Johari window model for our first part? It’s a great method to enhance our perception of others. And it’s the perfect way to reveal information about ourselves to the rest of the group and learn about ourselves from their feedback,” Allison chimed in.

Kaia hummed and tapped her finger to her lips, drawing my eyes there. I thought back to the night of my graduation party and what they tasted like. “I like Allison’s idea for the first part. We could use it to get to know each other. Then we could use Brad’s suggestion for the second part of the project and move to Knapp’s Relationship Model for the third part,” she said, looking in my direction.

My body tensed. Was she taunting me? The rest of the group turned to me, waiting on my input. I quickly scanned the page of topics the professor gave us and picked the first one I saw. 

“Nonverbal communication seems like a good place to start,” I replied curtly, drawing looks of confusion and annoyance from the rest of my group.

Kaia sighed. “Well, it doesn't look like we’re going to agree on the first part of this project today. How about everyone pick a couple of topics that they like and we’ll compare notes in Wednesday’s class. We need to have the first part laid out by next Monday, so that gives us a few days.”

The others nodded in agreement and class was dismissed a few minutes later. We all exchanged phone numbers and Allison waved goodbye as she left the classroom. Brad extended his wrist and checked his watch. “So, Kaia. Are you doing anything tonight? We could meet at the library for a study session, then grab a bite after.”

“Uhh...I’m actually busy tonight. But I’ll see you in class on Wednesday,” she replied. He looked at me quickly in annoyance, then back at her.

“The offer’s still open,” he said, winking at her as he sauntered out of the classroom. I watched as Kaia packed up her things. She looked up at me and smiled softly, then slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked off. I trailed a respectable distance behind her, avoiding staring at her ass this time. When we exited Clark Hall, she stopped walking and turned to me.

“So, what’s your next class?”

A light breeze blew a strand of hair into her face and I had to shove my hands in my pockets to avoid touching her. “I’m done for the day. You?”

“I have College Algebra, then I’m done. You wanna get coffee after?” she asked. 

“I thought you had plans.”

She laughed. “I just said that so Brad would leave me alone. I was hoping you were free this evening. I could buy you a cup of coffee to apologize for brutally crashing into you this morning, and it will give us a chance to catch up.”  

Guilt slammed in my chest. You have a girlfriend, asshole. Remember? “Uh...I-I have plans... with my girlfriend tonight. But we can get together another time.”

“Oh…okay,” she said, not meeting my eyes. We both stood there in awkward silence for a few beats before she spoke up. “Okay, well I gotta get to class. Umm...I’ll see you later.” She gave me a quick wave before taking off in almost a dead sprint.

I knew I was doing the right thing by not leading her on, but I still felt like shit about it. I pulled out my phone and shot a text to Alana, seeing if she was free. I walked over to a bench near the center of the courtyard and sat down waiting for her reply. The afternoon sun lit up the campus with a warm glow as students moved from building to building, talking and laughing.

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed in my hand. I looked down and saw a text from Alana telling me that she had something come up and wouldn’t be able to meet me tonight. Fuck. I didn’t want to believe that she was mad, but here it was in black and white. I dragged my hand down my face and gathered my backpack before shuffling my way back to my dorm alone. 

#best beloved #pm au #college au #friends to lovers #perfect match #choices fanfic #damien nazario #kaia park #damien x mc #nazariolahela fanfic

[just-homo-thingsxd]

Resentment (Endeavor x Male Reader Pt 4)

The darkness lingered for so long. Seeping into your thoughts and feeling, The only reason you knew you were still alive was that you still felt everything deep in your heart. Why did things have to be this way? Things just couldn't go right for once, could they? Ever since you were little things were always out of your control, and they never ended well...

"He did what Mr. Finagi?"

"There was an altercation at recess with your child here and another one. Your son broke his nose and sprained the other boys wrist. This behavior is not acceptable Mr. L/N"

Covered in scrapes and bruises you turned your face away from your father and mother. You weren't ashamed of what you did. He was the class bully, and no one stood up to him. So you took it upon yourself to bring him down to size. While it wasn't easy he was heavier so he wasn't nearly as mobile as you were. So it was because of your agility that you were able to knock him down by twisting his wrist, causing him to fall down and get a few face punches in. That's when the teachers finally noticed what was going on. The air on the playground was that of silent thanks. They couldn't say anything, but they were thankful that he would finally stop. Maybe.

"Of course Sir, I'm sorry. Y/N? What do you say when you do something wrong?"

"sorry"

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry, for standing up for my classmates."

Your dad was visibly tense, but was distracted by what Mr. Finagi, the principle said.

"While what you did was entirely wrong, we were trying to help Jordan realize that his anger and aggression was not supposed to be taken out on other people. Much less in school. I'm sure your classmates are thankful, but that's not the way to deal with your problems. Hatred only breeds more hatred."

"I apologize, Mr. Finagi."

You stood and bowed your head to him.

"Legally, we have to suspend him for 3 days. Had he not broken a bone, or if it was self defense there would be some leniency."

He said looking to your father and mother.

"Of course sir, we understand."

Your mother said.

"You three are okay to leave. I hope you can resolve this at home, and try not to be too hard on him. At the end of the day he was doing what he thought was right, just not in the right way. I'll see you Monday, Y/N. Meet me here in the morning before class so we can chat, okay?"

You nodded and followed your parents out the door. They were quiet until you got in the car.

"What the hell was that about? I should not be getting calls from the school about you misbehaving, AND I have to leave work to deal with your bullshit? I don't think so."

"Dad it's not like I hurt someone who was innoc-"

"Shut. The fuck. Up. You don't speak unless spoken to. You're old enough to understand that right? Then again, you act like a child and do what you think is right? YOU DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD AND NOTHING ELSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

With trembling hands and a shaky voice you responded.

"Y..Yes father."

It took all your 7 year old resolve to not burst into tears. You already knew that would make things worse.

"I've told you once and I'll only repeat myself one more goddamn time. You don't stick out, so don't try to change it. The fact that I have to explain that again fucking infuriates me."

When you got home, that was the first, unfortunately not the last time dad, as he put it. 'Disciplined you.' After that he started to drink. His breath always reeked of booze, and that was when he was the most violent. You always caught the brunt of it. Ever since the beginning of your life it was always pain. It followed you through life. It appeared misery loved you and was clingy. Floating through this darkness just made all your worst memories come back to you. Maybe this was hell. Not quite what you envisioned, but hell nonetheless.

"Stay strong, Y/N. I know you can pull through. You're strong, I've always admired that about you."

Endeavor? How could he be talking to you? Oh.. Maybe it was just what you wanted to hear. The brain is a powerful thing, so it isn't that surprising you'd hear what you needed to.

"Please. I'll be here for you, until you wake up."

That.. that was genuinely him, wasn't it..? He was wrong. You tried your best to be strong, but it never worked out. Left and right you were shut down. Maybe dad was right..

"He speaks highly of you, in all my years of working for him I've never heard him do that."

Now Leonard?

"You're special to him."

He just praised you. Maybe you were special to him? If only you could wake up and talk to him. Your body felt like it was floating, and none of your muscles responded to your will. You were trapped. Encased in a prison of broken and battered flesh. How becoming of a broken and battered soul, it only made sense the two would connect. You struggled to regain control of yourself. It felt as if you were paralyzed, and you were entirely numb. You started with trying to move your finger tips. Slowly you regained control of them, and were able to move them.

"COME HERE YOU -hic- LITTLE SHIT."

One of the worst scenes of your life replayed. Your dad had just come home entirely trashed. After taking the last gulp of his booze he stormed towards you.

"What the fuck old man? GO AWAY YOU DRUNK BASTARD."

In a fit of rage he ran forward and smashed the bottle over your head. The broken glass shards stabbed into your skin. Crying out in pain you pushed him off and ran away.

"FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!"

Your body jolted up and was immediately hit with a wave of nausea. You immediately fell back down. Your body was shaking entirely and you felt extremely cold.

"Hey, hey relax buddy. Look at me."

Endeavor placed one hand on your chest and the other on your arm. Doing his best to keep it steady without pinning you entirely.

"Can you look at me in the eyes?"

You nodded.

"Do you feel my hand on your chest?"

It took a moment for the feeling to register, but once again you nodded.

"What I need you to do is to take deep breaths. 4 seconds in and 3 seconds out. Can you do that for me 4 times?"

You obliged with his commands. The more breaths you took in and out. You could feel your body relaxing, and warming up slowly. After a few additional breaths you looked to him. Exhausted, but thankful.

"How'd you know how to deal with me?"

He simply shrugged.

"Just did what felt natural."

Suddenly the pain along your body came back, as you tried to relax more you noticed that the right side of your face was entirely bandaged.

"Oh yeah.... I forgot what even happened for a moment there. I was so distracted."

He shuffled a bit.

"You.. were having a nightmare right?"

You really hoped you didn't say that stuff out loud.

"You woke up yelling 'Fuck you, Asshole.' You were mumbling a lot as well. It woke me up, I was worried about you."

Staring solemnly you looked at the foot of the bed. You didn't want to meet his eyes. It would be easier to not see anyone while speaking the entire truth to him. There was no point in hiding it anymore.

"My father and mother never cared much for me as long as I can remember. My dad would constantly hit me, claiming it was discipline. The worst it ever got was when he smashed a beer bottle on my head. Meanwhile my mom just constantly put me down, telling me I should just listen to him and he'll stop. She was wrong, it didn't matter. He hated me. I wasn't what he wanted in a son. He wanted a big strong man who worked hard and never had fun."

You paused for a moment. Letting Enji settle. The room grew at least 20 degrees hotter while you were speaking. You were starting to sweat.

"So I left when I was 18. I don't want anything to do with them. They're the reason I have the problems I do."

There was a knocking at the doorway.

"Mr. L/N. Your parents are here,"

God must've been against you entirely. It was on queue, and the timing was impeccable. Endeavor quickly shut his flames off and tensed up.

"Hey, honey, how are you doing?"

You turned away and faced the window.

"I can't feel half my face, my ankle is numb. I'm exhausted, and annoyed I'm missing work. All in all. Pretty good."

Were you not in a public place your father would have thrown a fit at your sass.

"I'm sorry. That was quite a silly question."

She stepped in and your dad followed suit. Her attention turned towards the man in the corner.

"Oh! Hello, I'm his mother and you are?"

It seemed she had no idea that it was Endeavor, your dad didn't bat an eye either. No surprise there. They didn't pay attention to hero stuff.

"I'm a friend of his from high school. Nice to meet you both."

It took dad all of his willpower to seem even slightly concerned.

"You holding up?"

With a shrug you stayed turned away.

"I don't know. Ask the bandages."

He puffed up his chest a bit.

"Why are you always like this?"

With a glare as sharp as a dagger could hope to be you turned towards him.

"I'm not in the mood. If you're just going to argue with me get out. I was nearly killed last night so sorry if I'm in a bitter mood."

Your mom stepped in.

"Seriously honey, he's trying to recover."

He grunted and crossed his arms.

"It wouldn't hurt you to show some respect."

Blood started pumping through your veins, and you crunched your hand into a fist tightly.

"Like you know how to do that? I know what this is about. Since you're my parents and I don't have anyone else to turn to I fall on your hands. Neither of you want to be here."

Mom seemed slightly hurt by the knives you jabbed into them. Dad on the other hand seemed unphased.

"I'll be outside."

Dad stepped out quickly. Most likely not wanting to cause a scene.

"Why must you always argue with him?"

"Oh I don't know. He only beat me mercilessly when I was a fucking child."

"He wasn't himself! That was when he was using achohol."

"I have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"Why?"

She paused for a moment.

"Why what?"

"Why did you let him hurt me? I'm your son, and you let dad beat me. For Christs sake you were there when he broke the bottle over my fucking head and you did nothing! Only after I started bleeding and crying did you drive me to the hospital. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU WEREN'T JUST AS RESPONSIBLE AS HE WAS. YOU SIT THERE AND ACT LIKE YOUVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. LIKE YOU'RE THIS PERFECT MOM WHO'S NEVER MADE A MISTAKE IN HER LIFE.... How can you live with yourself, watching a child be abused and feel nothing?"

That last bit had been building up inside you for years. It was always a question you wanted to ask. Instead of answering the question she just stared. Dumbfounded by what you had to say. She started to tear up and stepped out.

"I wish you had never been born. You're so ungrateful."

You could feel every pump of your heart in your skull. It should hurt more to hear that, but at this point you knew deep down that they both knew, and meant that. After taking a moment to calm down, your father stormed back in.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO HER? YOU JUST MADE YOUR OWN MOTHER BREAK DOWN IN TEARS!"

You had completely forgotten, but Endeavor was still in the corner. Listening to all of this.

"ENOUGH."

His tone completely shut dad up. He turned to him, with a frown.

"Who even are you? Why would you be friends with this fuck-up?"

"Silence."

"What are you going to do about it? Anything you do to me I'll just dish back to your friend here when I take him home."

"SIL-ENCE"

The shift in Endeavors demeanor was something you'd never witnessed before. He was fuming, completely lost in his anger. He stepped towards your dad who took a step back.

"I'm taking him home. You will not touch him. You will not speak to him, and you will listen. Otherwise you're answering to me."

"Oh, of course my son would be a faggo-"

His mouth was gripped and almost crushed immediately as Endeavor finally lost it. His flames came roaring out around his face. The edges of his flames were blue. Something you'd never seen before.

"Shut. The Fuck. Up. You'll listen to me and you'll listen good. You've damaged you're own flesh and blood too much. I'm not going to let you lay another hand on him. You're his father, and you should've acted like it. You're a disappointment to humanity, and you're the fuck-up here. He graduated from U.A even with all the mental abuse you put him through. What have you done with your life? You're pathetic."

Endeavor was lost in his rage entirely, but you could tell everything he was saying was genuine. With flames threatening to burst out of his hands he spoke once more.

"Get. Out. Now, fucker."

With what sounded like a whimper your father immediately ran out of the room. You stare, completely in awe at what you just saw. Not only that, you were petrified. For once you actually felt intimidated by him. You were scared to even move a muscle, that included breathing. After what seemed like an eternity his flames calmed down and disappeared. Turning back to you with a solemn expression.

"I'm sorry.. I just.. I wanted to protect you this time. I know it wasn't my place to step in your family affairs, but I couldn't just sit there and let something else bad happen to you and not be able to help."

So. That's what the sudden outburst was from. He was already frustrated with what happened and not being there at the park.

"I-it's fine Enji, thank you."

He looked at you quizzically.

"Aren't you even effected slightly by this?"

You shook your head.

"I'm used to it. Lived with it for 18 years."

He frowned and looked down, taking a few steps closer to you he wrapped you up in his arms and rested his head on your shoulder.

"I'm really sorry."

"Why are you sorry? The number two hero just came to my aid when I needed him most. Is that something to apologize for?"

"Y/N..."

"Seriously, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm the reason you even experienced that in the first place."

"That's right!"

He pulled away from the hug and he smacked the top of your head roughly. Not the bandaged side. He wasn't a monster.

"YOU MORON!!"

"Ouch- hitting a poor decrepit man like me, fufufu how shameful!"

"You're going to get hit again if you push it, boy."

Yikes. Message received.

"So what happened exactly?"

You told him what happened the entirety of the day and the night. Leaving out the conversation with Leonard of course. He was taking notes, no doubt for the police or for his own investigation perhaps. There was something that didn't seem to add up though. Why didn't that person with the evil hand walk through the portal? He would have easily killed you. Did they want you to live? Why? Too tired to think you relax yourself back on the bed while Endeavor asks some more questions. After he's done you ask something that came to mind.

"How long have you been here Endeavor?"

"You were placed in in Intensive Care at 8:30pm last night. So, since then I guess."

"It's like, the next day? You need to go home and take care of business man."

Endeavor shook his head back and forth.

"I'll leave tonight, when you go to sleep. I can't leave you, not now."

You had to turn your face away from him in fear of him seeing the huge blush plastered on the left side of your face.

"Thank you, Enji."

Endeavor nodded his head and after that small talk ensued. Thankfully your boss saw what kind of state you were in so you didn't have to worry about explaining why you wouldn't be there. As night drew closer exhaustion was nagging at your eyelids.

"Well, it's getting late. I should get going."

"Thanks for keeping me company."

"Don't mention it. I like spending time with you."

"Really?"

"I have no reason to lie to you, Y/N"

You honestly felt a little embarrassed with asking that question. You knew he enjoyed the time we had together. You did as well, probably even more than him.

"Hey, you still with me?"

Jumping slightly you nodded and scratched the back of your head.

"Y-yeah sorry. I must be more tired than I thought."

"Well take it easy for tonight. I'll drop by as much as I can. I might be a little bit too busy for tomorrow but the day after that I should be fine."

"How long am I going to be in here?"

"Estimated time was about 5 days. Depending on your stamina. You were out cold last time, but Recovery Girl did stop buy to help you regenerate a bit. Since your wounds were so severe."

That feeling of your skin decaying came back to you, causing you to shudder.

"Get some rest, you're safe."

Those simple words helped you relax almost immediately. As relaxed as you could be in a hospital bed. How disfigured would your face be after this? Ugh. No point in stressing about it.

"Goodnight Enji."

"Sweet dreams, Y/N. See you soon."

#endeavor #endeavor x reader #bnha endeavor #mha endeavor #fanfiction #fanfic #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #malexmale #male reader

[catalinaroleplay]

Gender & Pronouns: Cis male, he/him

Date of Birth: September 30, 1992 (27)

Place of Birth: San Diego, California

Neighborhood: Lafayette Square

Length of Residency: Since 2015

Occupation: Police Officer

Face Claim: Casey Deidrick 

BIOGRAPHY

TRIGGERS: Abortion, Substance Abuse.

Ben was born into a privileged family in San Diego.  With his vascular surgeon father and his psychologist mother, there was little they could want in life, especially once his younger sister, Paige, was born four years later.  The problem was his parents didn’t actually want to be parents, at least as far as Ben could tell.  They wanted the tableau, the cliche, and they were about as engaged in actual parenting as that sounded.  Their children were raised by nannies, until Paige turned twelve, and then they were mostly left to their own devices.  It could be said Ben was acting out for attention, or maybe that he was just spoiled.  He never bothered to consider the reasons behind his behavior, which was sort of hilarious considering his mother’s profession, but he always thought it was more along the lines of pushing limits.  He pushed them hard, engaging in the kind of fast and reckless behavior that made his teachers and his coaches uncomfortable.  For him, it was more about chasing the high — the almost, the challenge, the risk of getting caught.  There was something to be said for the thrill of escaping punishment, too.  And he almost always did escape punishment.  It didn’t matter if he drove without a license, or while he was drunk.  It didn’t matter if he slept with older women or if he did recreational drugs.  Staying out late, sneaking into parties and bars, gambling — nothing was entirely off the table for him.  He could charm his way out of sticky situations without much effort.  He was still taking difficult classes, still keeping his grades up, still a productive member of the prestigious high school football roster.  He could do whatever he wanted and he was on top of the world. 

Except… when he wasn’t and his choices caught up with him.  He settled down enough to have a girlfriend, which was practically a miracle and more a comment on her than him.  For once, someone was holding him accountable.  Someone was paying attention.  His sister had relied on him for years, but no one had ever demanded he tow the line.  It was a whole new kind of being reliable, but it came with rewards. The consequences eventually outweighed those rewards when his girlfriend got pregnant his senior year.  Ultimately, she decided not to continue the pregnancy, but a numbed and overwhelmed Ben didn’t show up to their appointment.  He blew off her texting and phone calls to go surfing — and he’s never been able to forgive himself for it.  He didn’t have a good time, and actually broke his ankle because he was so distracted.  It provoked profound changes in him.  He alienated himself from his friends, because they weren’t really friends anyway, and didn’t even attend his own high school graduation.  He went off to college on a football scholarship to Stanford without another word or any contact with anyone, glad for the clean slate and haunted by the way he’d failed the first person who ever actually loved him (and he loved in return.) 

And while he was there, he was basically a totally different guy.  He didn’t really mess around, at least not enough to get into a relationship.  He focused on football and his classes and decided the only person he was capable of loving, in theory, was himself. (Not that he actually did love himself.)  His dad had always nudged him toward medical school, suggesting that football wasn’t forever.  Though he didn’t particularly want to be a surgeon like Ryan Brody, he took the classes because he was at a loss for anything else to do beyond football.  That lack of direction came back to bite him hard when he destroyed his knee during his junior year of college.  It was a devastating injury requiring almost a year of surgery and recovery, and it absolutely ended his football aspirations.  Scrambling for ways to survive academically, he entered a short-story writing contest on a challenge from his writing professor — and he won.  It redirected his focus and he completed an English degree, effectively severing his relationship with his dad.

One thing severing that relationship did was make it necessary for Ben to be able to support himself without his family’s resources.  While his knee injury made one of his former favorite hobbies, surfing, impossible, he found work as a scuba diving instructor for a time.  It was an okay substitute.  He moved to Catalina only for scuba because his friend from college, Eva, lived there and he was desperate.  On her wry advice, and because of her complicated circumstances, he applied for the police academy.  It wasn’t something he’d ever thought he would even enjoy, but he did find some satisfaction in the work. The discipline required was similar to sports, there was a hierarchy and team mentality too, plus there was something analytical and social about it all at the same time.  He’s still trying to convert his college short story into a novel, hellbent on being a writer, but for now…. this will do.  And sometimes life is stranger than fiction, so he looks at it all as experience that will make him better.  

PERSONALITY

Positive: Charming | Intelligent | Self-Aware

Negative: Stubborn | Reckless | Self-Destructive

Bennett Brody is portrayed by M.

#abortion tw #substance mention tw #all #male #lafayette square #casey deidrick

[flurgles-blog]

Intro to me.

This will deal with heavy topics, like rape, imprisonment, and child abuse. I'm sorry, it's just what my life has been and I'm not staying silent anymore.

I'm a 25 year old female. At the age of 23, I fled my family's home after an altercation with my brother where he threatened me with an assault rifle after my mothers dog pooped on the rug in his room. I'm not allowed in his room, yet was meant to know it happened and clean it up evidently. I tried to call 911, but my mother took my phone and told them no one should be sent. They sent no one despite hearing her beat me and me screaming for help in the background. I called a man I had gone on a few dates with on okcupid, and he picked me up and I never lived there again. This man kept me a prisoner just like my parents did. I left him years later once I was able to sneak word out for help to an old friend. I'm still not free today, but I'm surviving and get to choose when I want to have sex. I'm homeless now, and dont get to talk to people due to the nature of how I'm living so I'm posting here. Now, let's backtrack to the first two decades or so of my life so you know why I left, and why I was never able to leave before.

I was born to a family in poverty, my parents lived with my grandmother and already had a child. Both were birth control failures. I lived the first few years with my mother, biological father, and my brother. My father was incredibly violent. Loved his guns, his drugs, his alcahol, and taking in illegal or exotic pets when his buddies had to go to prison. He beat his children, and his wife, often trying to kill us. My only friend was my grandmother and a Burmese python named Monty. He would often protect me. My father would often abuse the animals to hurt us, but Monty would never take it. I miss that snake. After many years of this, my father begged to be put in prison to control his violent outbursts and after lots of arguing, my mother finally brought him to a mental hospital.

There was a period where my brother and I were shifted between homes of family, I liked this period. I was starting school, and had lots of resources to learn and play. I was often mute, didnt talk for years or make a noise despite knowing how to talk. My mother was dating but I never met the man or his kids until suddenly we were moving in with him and his three kids.

His family was wealthier, and his kids mostly treated me like gutter trash. His side if the family often didnt invite my moms kids to things. He made me read this book on etiquette. It was straight up Victorian. I had to go to the doctor to look at my twisted leg since I was having trouble walking 'right'. The doctor told my parents how to slowly correct the muscle through physical therapy. The first physical therapy session I remember, I was four. He made me lay on his bed naked and he just... rubbed oil on me. I wont go into detail, but he raped me several nights a week until I was 12. It got worse, he started to do it in front of the family. The whole family groomed me, kept me isolated while I still went to school. I was brainwashed into thinking these sessions were my fault for walking wrong, and they were totally right. I was not allowed to communicate without supervision. I could only see two approved of friends. If I stepped out of line, I was beaten, and the house phone and internet would be stripped from me or from the house altogether. The children even helped condition and punish me. Two of the boys abused me sexually, the other physically. He would completely cover me in duct tape and attach me to a wall or door and call that babysitting. I was hung by my ankles from a tree with plastic rope in the front yard for crying. It was insane, but it was my normal.

I was expected to clean the house, and cook many meals. I cleaned up after three, sometimes four cats and two dogs. I cleaned three fish tanks. I did everything but mow the lawn, as I wasnt meant to be seen outside. Every little girl wants to be treated like a princess, it was ironic my favorite was Cinderella.

When I was 12, I started talking to more kids at school. Instead of walking home as I was meant to, I went on a hike through a meadow with a boy from my classes. He was nice, and didnt mind that I was quiet and shy. He waited for me to open up and I did. I confessed what had been happening at home, that I was stressed out about it. The constant uncertainty of my safety... he went home and told his parents, who told the police.

Social workers came to my house. They were horrified, and supportive, but after talking to me they just left me with my family with orders for my parents to bring me to their office. I was punished the worst for the days following, and my mother really went deep into brainwashing me then. She told me that if my step father was arrested, her, all five children, all the animals I love so much, would be homeless and be killed by gangs. I made a sacrifice for my family and my animals. I had to go into that office and call the whole thing off.

My mother made me say I had lied, and the social workers insulted and belittled me for hours... I thought it was over, that i could go home, and keep my head low during the punishments to come. The punishments were intense, but going back to school was worse.

The boy that had been so supportive had told the whole school I was a liar, and that I was a slut. He said I did all these sexual things with him and falsely accused my dad with rape. I was already bullied, but it got worse. I was groped and my clothes taken off in the hallways, and the faculty had little compassion for me since I also had to keep up the illusion with them. They thought I cried wolf too.

After that, I was able to get my stepfather to stop the sessions. He still got drunk and made me dress up and pose for pornography, though. There was so many photos and videos found of me by family and classmates that were shoved in my face. They were slut shaming a child sex slave. I continued being the family maid, and punching bag, and scapegoat. I got a job at 14 and my mom took all the money, then again at 19, then continued to steal from me until the biggest theft she had done. She stole my identity, filled out student loans, made me go to a few classes at different colleges, but pocketed the money every time. I still dont have my identity back, and can only have an expired Id because she has the info to my dmv account and every account and it's been almost a year since I reported the fraud. It's still 'pending'.

I suffer from so many problems from decades of abuse and beatings and starvation, and almost no access to healthcare. I applied for disability years ago and am waiting for my third time through the system. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, major depression, disabling anxiety... I live with my boyfriend, who came and broke me out of that house with the guy from okcupid. It was terrible, the man tried to strangle me to keep me from leaving. My boyfriend is supportive as can be, but lacks sensitivity and says men have needs. I'm stuck in this semi truck with him since hes a truck driver, and live without medical care or friends or cleanliness and without a home, moving states every day. I wonder if I will ever have a home, or feel safe, or feel worth something. I just want to be stable.

I receive some very expensive 30 minute therapy sessions a few times a year, and take zoloft. Shelters wont accept people with ptsd, and an actual police officer told me I would be 'rape bait' if i went to one.

I would love to make some friends that know what I've come from. I want to know if telling my extended family is ok. I just want to know I'm not crazy and all of this really is terrible and worth having PTSD about. If it's worth not being able to work...

Thank you for reading this. Thank you so much for listening and being a witness to what I wish more people knew.

Edit: Some people mentioned were children when they did bad things. It totally wasnt their fault. I dont blame them at all.

[love-beautiful-disasterxo-blog]

Mental Health

Mental health is something i personally dont think is taken seriously, i am writing this today to let anyone know dealing with mental illness’s know you are not alone. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, depression and hypochondria and let me tell you it is pure hell. I wasnt dignoased untill i was 27 years old, about 7 months ago now. But i have always had anxiety and panic attacks here and there, but i was always able to control them and my worry. I have always been one to worry about my health and others close to me, but nothing like this. Let me give you alittle back story about myself. Both my parents were addicts my father was a funcontiong alcholic my mother was addicted to well about anything she could get her hands on. My father was always a drinker ever since i could remeber in every old photo we have theres always a beer in his hands. But of course being young i never thought anything of it untill one day him and my mom sat me down and told me he was going to re-hab, i remeber crying beacuse i didnt understand, why was my dad going away? And then they proceded to tell me that my dad needed help. So off my dad went to re-hab for 3 months, and i was left alone to watch my drug addict mother. My mom has very many health problems she has arthrits in every inch of her body she can barley move anymore. So when this first all started she was taking narkos 1000mg, then it turned into oxycottin, morphine, fentna patches, coke pretty much anything she could get her hands on. As this went on we realized my mom was going to multiple diffrent doctors to get pain pills and edventually she got “ red flagged “ whitch pretty much she got caught and then couldnt get any more pain medicine from any doctors in macomb county. So around the time that happned i was having terrible teeth issues, and headaches and i would tell my mom my teeth would hurt.. “ here take this” and it would be a 1000mg narko. when my mom would run out of her pills she would have me go to urgent care to say my teeth hurt and the first time i went they just so happened to give me vicodin. So that started my mom taking me to urgent care to give pills so she could have them. I was young at the time i thought she really needed them, all i seen was my mom in terrible pain !! And then i had to get all 4 of my widsom teeth surgericaly removed at once. So of course they gave me vicodin and i had about 3 reffills on them. I was in so much pain so of course i took them it was terrible !! Well my mom would eaither come into my room when i was sleeping and take some from me or she would come in and ask me for  “ a few “ i think i went thru 30 vicidons in 2 weeks beacuse of her taking them. So that is when i really noticed she had a problem. Fast foward a few months my dad was home from rehab clean,healthy, and happy ! But my mom was on a downward spiral. The first time i have ever seen my mom overdose.... i was upstairs in my room with my best friend at the time and all the sudden my dad was screaming my name ! of course i thought i was introuble ! so i walked down stairs to see my mom face down on the coffe table and my great dain on the other side of her with his head on the coffee table crying, i went into panic mode right away i remeber covering my mouth and starting to cry. My dad looked at me and said “ dont panic call 911 ! “ so i called 911. Before they had gotten there my mom had started to come to, she picked her face off the coffee table and she had busted her face all open. Her eyes were pinned, she had this scary look in her eye. The abulnace got there and of course they started asking her all these queshtions “ what did you take ? “ and she started fighting them...pushing them screaming at them. They asked her “ who is this girl?” and they pointed at me and she looked at me and said “ i dont know who she is.” my heart broke into peices. It was then my dad got out all her pill bottles and began coutning them and seeing when she had gotten them filled and what not. She would get a GIANT bottle of 1000mg narkos a month so i would say about 60 ? If not more. Plus all the other pills she was getting from the other doctors. My dad had someone figured out she had taken at least 4 narkos, 2 oxycottins plus her lyrica. She had overdosed. They finally took her away i remeber walking up to the stretcher crying and saying “ mom please you have to get better you have to come home .” and she just looked at me with this blank stare in her eyes and said nothing. On the way to the hospital she had i think 7 sezuires and some more when they put her in a room. They put her in ICU and put her in lock down beacuse she became viloent. The next day i went and seen her she still had this blank stare in her eyes. But she knew who i was...my mom was strapped downt to her bed beacuse she was trying to rip out everything she was hooked up to. I was about 13 years old ? Could you imagine seeing your mom like that at 13 years old ? So after a week or so they finally let her go home. My dad had locked all her pills in a lock box hide the lock box and he was going to start giving her her pills. Well a few days went by and my mom began searching for the lock box and i guess she had found it and figured out the passcode for it..... i came home from a friends house and there was 2 abluance sitting in front of my house so of course i rush into the house to find my dad,multiple paramedics doing CPR on my mom in her bed. She had overdosed again and actually went into respatory faluire this time. While the EMT was doing CPR my dad was cheaking her body for some reason....well my mom had gotten fenna patches..mind you your only suposse to put ONE on...she had 1 on each of her ankles, 1 on each of her shoulders and one on her chest, and my dad had also found cut up patches in the bathroom she had been sucking the pain medication out of the patches. And to be honest i dont remeber what happend after that. I know they took her to the hospital but that is all i rember. She came home and of course again we all are watching her. And shes walking around the house like nothing ever happned like everything was just fine ! Fast foward a few months things have “ calmed down “ at the house i guess you could say or at least we thought...i came home and my brother told me he went upstairs to check on mom and she had fallen alseep with a ciggarette in her mouth and the bed was starting to catch on fire my brother had to throw a melted bowl of ice cream on it to put it out. She would node off alot. Thats how i leanred how to drive... my mom would fall asleep at the wheel and i would have to drive. I started driving when i was about 13 years old. Around this time my sister was also 9 months pregnat. ( my story is all over the place sorry guys ) BEFORE my sister got pregnat my sister was also a addict and lived with her boyfriend at the time so she wasnt really around for alot of this, but when she was home her and my mom would fight SO BAD i mean fist fight..throw things at eachother and i would have to break it out. Anyways my sister was about to pop ! And she finally had my wonderful, amazing, beautiful niece. All was “ well “ once she was born my sister moved back home my mom was pretty concentrated on the baby. Fast foward a few months... me, my sister, my mom were talking about my niece and how she had started crawling and my mom got this look in her eye and just began to cry and said “ i dont remeber that.” even tho my mom was right there cheering her on and she cralwed. THAT is when my mom decied to go to rehab she didnt want to miss watching her grow up. So she went to this rehab that was actually pretty far away and she stayed there for along time...at that time i was in highschool i had to drop out. I felt like i needed to stay home and help my dad and keep a eye on him as well so he didnt relapse beacuse when he got home from dropping my mom off at rehab he walked into the house and grabbed me and hugged me as he cryed on my shoulders and said “ that was the hardest thing i have ever had to do.” so i was scared he was going to relapse. Now let me just say for the record i was not a good child by all means while all this was going on with my mom and dad i was out drinking every single night partying, and also popping pills. I thought i was just out being a teenage tho yano ! having fun living my life but now i know i was trying to numb the pain, earse these horrible memories. I was hangin out with the wrong people at the wrong time and i got caught stealing from a store... all my “ friends “ i was with bailed on me and left me to get caught. They called my mom she came up to the sore and said “ we can eaither band her from the sore or call the cops.” my mom told them to call the cops.. i was about 16-17 at this time. Cops came the store pressed charges on me. I had to go to court and all that great stuff. Well they were so close to sending me to a juvinal center but my mom and dad were sobbing and i think thats what got me out of that. Instead i got placed on probsation, had to do community service, substance abuse classes and i had a curfew. Mind you summer had JUST BEGAN. So at this time i was so pissed at my mom for making them call the cops yes i know she was trying to teach me a lesson. The first day i was on probation what did i do? I went out and got really really really drunk with friends, I was suposse to be in the house by 6pm every single night. Was i home at 6pm? no. my probation officer would call my house to make sure i was home and she did.... she was calling my phone along with my parents trying to figure out where i was and why i wasnt home. I was to drunk to care. All my frinds knew what was going on and they knew i was suposse to be home so they began trying to talk me into going home. And i just got angry at them beacuse i didnt want to go ! I remeber my one friend telling me “ get in the car we are runnning to the store.” so im like okay! they put me in the back seat and the turned all the child locks on and i quickly knew what was going on...i began screaming and crying and trying to kick out the windows of my friends car. So they finally got me home i was so drunk and angry by the time i got into my house my parents called amblunace to come take me to the hospital beacuse they thought i had alcholo poisning. All i rember is that amblunace coming and that is it. So after a night in the hospital...i think? I came home had to go see my probation officer of course whitch she then put me on house arrest for the rest of the summer. I was so upset and mad !!! ( But i did it to myself ) So my friends and boyfriend at the time would have to come over and sit at my house if they wanted to hangout. IT SUCKED !!!! So over this course of time i became really depressed and started cutting myself. But let me tell you i sure did learn my lesson i never ever again even thought about stealing ever again! Oh and before ALL OF THIS happened ( like i said sorry guys this is all over the place ) i had lost my grandmother when i was about 11 my grandma was my best friend. my grandparents had this beatiful house in lexington and let me tell you we were SPOILED KIDS! I would get so excited to go there to see my grandma, god she was just amazing and beautiful and the sweetest thing in the world !!! My grandma then got sick she had a anyersum whitch caused a stoke. she then lost the ability to speak and movment on parts of her body. After that happened she was in the hospital for a while, she came home and i rember her just having this huge smille on her face and she started talking to me and i couldnt understand what she was trying to say to me... i was heartbroken, scared, confused i didnt understand why she sounded like this? But i just hugged her crying and knodding my head. After a while you could start to understand what she was trying to say. After her stroke she LOVED to hum she would just hum all day long and she was still so happy !!! I can her her beautiful humming till this day. But then grandma had gotten even more sick...cancer. And she passed away. I remeber coming home from my aunts house and everyone was standing in my kitchen my dad, mom, sister, my other two aunts, and my grandpa. I remever feeling excited beacuse i thought “ yay grandma is here !” but everyone was crying... My dad told me to sit down, and my grandpa started to say “ hunny grandma..... and before he could finish i dropped to my knees sobbing. My grandmas death really took a toll on my like i said she was my best friend. Okay so going back again sorry guys ! around the time my mom and dad just got out of rehab, it was about 10pm at night and i was texting a few of my frends they were all together at a frineds house drikning and they wnated me to come over. So i went and asked my mom if they could come pick me up and i rember my mom saying” no ! it so way to late your not leaving !” so of course i got all mad and texted them i couldmt come, And the friend i was texting at the time was all upset beacuse they were on their way to come get me and blah blah blah ! he then texts me and says “ okay well we are going to go to the store instead then.” i remeber texting him back and telling him “ is that a good idea?please be careful and put your seat belt on!” he texted me back “ i will.” So a few hours went back and he wouldnt awnser my texts or pick up his phone. I thought okay maybe they all passed out drunk and went to sleep. so i went to bed. in the morning i woke up to about 28 missed called and about 30 somthing messages from a buncha of people telling me to call them asap ! I went downstairs and on the news was a bad accident a couple of teenagers had wrapped there car around a tree last night. Those couple of teenagers were the ones i was texting the night before... my heart sank i called everyone back that had called me thinking “ no this isnt real ! “ and they had all confirmed that had passed away. A few months had passed and i started getting messages on myspace at the time and texts from random people telling me “ it should have been me in the car, it was my fault they died.” and i totally thought it was my fault they were dead for years. Nowwww fast foward to when i turned 19-20 ? I had met this guy and started hangin out with him alot ! and i am still with him have been for almost 10 years. I moved in with him, his mom and grandma about 6 months into our realshonship. We spent every single day togehter i grew very close with his family. Fast foward about a almost a year we were downstairs watching tv with his mom and grandma like we always did everynight ! And all the sudden his grandma couldnt see out of her left eye, so we rushed her to the hospital come to find out she was having stroke beacuse she had abrain anersuym. So she was suposse to have brain surgery to get it removed a few months after they had found it. She had started to develope demintcha she would think my boyfriend who was 23 at the time was a baby and she would think she would have to go change his dipar. She would ask where my boyfriends dad is all the time and mind you he passed away from lung cancer when my boyfiend was 12. So it was really scary seeing that stuff. Fast foward a couple months the day before her srugery had came ! we were all really nervouis about it of course but not her she was a bad ass. She was just like yeah whatever ! So we all went to bed early beacuse we obvisally had to be up early to go to the hospital the next day. Well we got woken up by my boyfriends mom busting into our room screaming “ shes not waking up she wont get up.” my boyfriend ran downstairs while i sat upstairs trying to comfort his mom, then my boyfriend yelled for me to call 911. At this time we lived in a apartment that was likke a damn bomb shelter so we had no serive in that place. so i grabbed my phone and i ran downstairs to call 911 and there i seen him performing CPR on his grandmother. The ambluance arrived and again tryed bringing her back. But she was gone, she had passed away in her sleep the day before her surgery. As we sat around her body for HOURS waiting for the corner to get there. I think that is when it all started for me... just how fast it can happen like that...one day your here the next your not. That is when my fear of death started. Fast foward to about 2018. My grandma ( my moms mom ) had gotten sick, we all thought it was nothing and she was bounce right back like she always did ! she was a strong itlitan women ! But then we found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. The doctors said she had it for along time and it has taken over her lungs. Mind you my grandma always had a TERRIBLE hacking cough but she had always had that ever since i remebered !!! but that terrible cough was the cancer taking over her lungs. And the only reason she went to the doctors is beacuse she was a having a pain in her back and she was getting really out of breath and thats when they found it. I remeber i was at work when i found out, i texted her and said “ grandma youll get thru this, you have to get thru this i need you !” and she repiled “ dont worry sweetheart ill be just fine.” about a week later my grandma was in hospis. It took that short of time for the cancer to actaully spread to her bones and she got stage 2 bone cancer. One day we were all up there visiting her beacuse we knew she didnt have long and she knew it too.... the preiset came in and read her her last rights. And let me tell you that was the most saddest thing to watch and hear. To just know this man is hear to read me this beacuse i am going to pass away anyday now....after that my grandmother began deterating quickly, she slept 90% of the time, she didnt eat, didnt drink, she couldnt open her eyes. They had her on a 24 hour morphine drip just to keep her comfotable. We were all up there every single day. My mom and aunt would take turns staying the night at the hospital. Till one night my dad and uncle talked them into just coming home and getting some rest and they could go back tomorrow. That night nobody was there my grandma passed away in her sleep at 4am. The doctor said she had been waiting to be left alone so nobody had to be there when it happened. Its been 3 years now since my grandma has been hgone and god damn do i miss her. Now at this time me, my boyfriend and his mom had moved into this old farm house we were renting out from this TERRIBLE lady ! but we had no where to go. This house was fallling apart the windows wouldnt open, the floors were snking in, the foundation was cracking, there was mold in the back room, we had propain heat and this house was NOT ventailed well at al.... like i said it was like a old 70s farm house... and we had well water.  After about a year of living there i became really sad and thats when i noticed my anxiety. The house just didnt feel like home. We were about 30 minutes from the closest store it just sucked. and the landlord was terrible she would always yell at us for shit even tho we tryed fiixng that house up the best we could ! i scrubbed that house from top to bottom ! we re-painted i re-did the enire outside put in some flowers and what not to make it look some what decent. But she still treated us like shit. We always lost power, the wind would blow the wrong way and boom no power, the winders were very cold like i said we had propain heat and the only heater was in the living room the pipes would freeze if we didnt have the water running. We lived on a dirt road whitch in the winter time was nothing but a sheet of ice. And at this time me and my boyfriend both didnt have jobs we had just moved there. So i finally got a job at tacobell...worst mistake ever. That job broke me down til there was nothing left of me. It made me angry,sad and stresssed ! And i did it for 6 years ONLY beacuse my boyfriend had yet to find a job.... he went without a job for a long time.... and i was the only one with a car so everything felll on me....to cleaning the house, to working, everyone using my car, me buying things for myself, him and his mom. It was just realy stressfull. But that is when i noticed my anxiety getting alittle worse well at the time i didnt know it was anxiety but i ended up doing tones of research on it and everything pointed to anxiety. I woulld have panicattacks here and there but not very offten, and they were really random as well. And i was able to control them and my anxiety with home remidies and what not! But i have always been the person to stress before theres even stress to stress about but i never thought anything of it i just thought it was me stressing out ! And looking back now i would always have to clean the house and get things done when i planned to do it and it wasnt just vaccuming or dusting it was scrubbing the walks doing all the laundry, re organzing things, i would get home from work at 4pm and literally not stop untill about 10-11pm at night. so i was always on the go always ! i was working 50 hours a week, i was a store manager at the time so everything at the sore fell on me as well. So fast foward to november 2018 around that time i had noticed my attacks becoming more frequent. My boyfrind had finally found a good job and i was so excited i thought everything was going to change ! and 2 weeks into the job he quit, right back at sqaure one, at this point i had also leased a jeep so i now had 2 cars a truck and my jeep he was driving the truck, and of course it broke down and he never fixed it. so back to sqaure one with 1 car, things at work were becoming really stressfull with the holidays coming up so i was working alot more then 50 hours mind you i was salary so i only got paid for 8 hours. so stress from everything falling on me, him not working, the truck breaking, getting a new car, the winter ( i hate winter ), being depressed about living in that house and having no life beacuse i worked so much i was just a mess. So one night we go to sleep right everything was fine i was fine ! i had alittle cough so i took some cough medicine and went to sleep. We got woken up around 4am from his mom coming into our room telling us that his uncle ( her brother ) was in the hospital on life support, i was shocked and said but i was so tired i couldnt understand anything ! so my boyfriend jumped outta bed and went into the living rooom to see what happened. so it was 4am there was nothing we could really do, it was snowing like crazy so we all just tried going back to sleep. Now what had happened with his uncle is her had a tripple bypass i belive after he had a heartattack along time ago, his heart wasnt well, he was also diabetic and a heavyer set guy. He woke up in the middle of the night really cold i guess and his wife woke up and asked him what was wrong he said “ im really really cold !” so he got up to get a blanket and use the restroom, he then busted back into his bedroom telling his wife to call 911, so she did before she could even figure out what was hapeening. Well what was happenig his lungs were filling up with fluid and filling quickly, she was on the phone with 911 and he was begging her to tell them “ hurry i dont want to die .” he was sufforcating. By the time they got there he was blue and wasnt breathing he had died before they got there. Then in the amblanuce they brought him back and he crashed again. Then they got his to the hospital and got him back again but by that tiime it was to late he had went 17 minutes without any oxygen to his brain. His brain was swelling his lungs were stilling filing up with fluid. He was on life support for i think 3 days. So THAT morning i woke up and my entire life was flipped upside down.... i woke up having a TERRIBLE PANIC ATTACK i felt like my lungs had collapssed on me. I was having BAD disrealaztion whitch at the time i didnt even know excisted !!! So i woke up and ran outside beacuse before when i would have attacks i would go outside and it was ease up....not this time. My panic attack lasted about 1 hour i couldnt breath, i was so confused, i didnt know what was happening, my heart felt really weird, i felt like i didnt know what was going on around me, i was sweating, crying, hyperventalating, my hands started to go dumb and lock up on me. I finally calmed down a bit but i still felt SO WEIRD not only beacuse of the disrealazation but i just didnt feel like ME its like my brain just did a completely 180 on me, so we went up to the hospital to say our goodbyes to his uncle and what not, and the whole way there i was just freaking out beacues of the way i was feeling ! i remeber i was in the back seat and i HAD to be touching my boyfriends shoulder or i would just freak out ! We got to the hospital and i hugged everyone telling them how sorry i was.But after that its like i couldnt talk words just wouldnt come out of my mouth. we went into the room to see his uncle ( mind you hes on life supprort hooked up to all sorts of things ) and my boygfriend asked me “ are you okay are you going to be able to go in? “ i was like yeah i should be fine. So we went in and i wasnt fine....i just stood there in shock staring at his uncle beacuse we had just seen him and he was fine, laughing, joking around, picking on me like he always does! But now there he was having a machine help him breath, no brain activity, you could see his face swelling from the brain swelling. The whole room began to spin and i got really sweaty. I wanted to cry cuz i was really sad and upset about it ! he was a amazing man ! but i just couldnt nothing would come out !!! So after saying our goodbyes and talking to everyone we went home. Again i had to be touching my boyfriend in the back seat. We got home around 10pm i beliave and i started having these terrible attacks, i again felt like my lungs were collapssing but this time it felt really real my chest was hurting, my body was so tense i would barley move, i was so dizzy, i was this overwhelming feeling of just pure DOOM. I thought forsure i was going to die. i thought that was it. So my boyfriend rushed me to the hospital i could telll on his face he was scared too....i never had a attack like this not this strong.  As we are driving im begging him to go faster as im grabbing my chest telling him i cant breath. We get to the hospital and i try to explain to them whats going on. so they take my vitals whitch were all normal i think ? i dont remember. and had me go sit back in the waiting room, i was still sobbing cuz i was so scared and i couldnt breath i was still grabbing my chest, i tryed sitting down but i couldnt its like my insides were crawling !! so i had to pase the hallway untill they called me back. they finally called me back i got into the room and they asked me yet again what was going on and i told them everything i was felling they hooked me up to a ECG, blood pressure cup and oxyen finger thingy. Mind you i still couldnt breath and this is going on about 2 hours now. i ripped everything off of me and i walked into the hallway begging the nurse to put oxygen on me. I dont know why but i thought it would help me ! and shes like “ i really dont think you need it your not pasty or blue but if it will make you feel better yes.” so she came in and put pxygen on me i began taking deep breaths hopping i would be able to breath again and slowky i was able to breath again, they ended up running TONES of blood work on me, chest xrays, EKGS and urine tests on me. and everything came back fine.there like you had  a panic attaack. im like no ! i have had a panic attakc before it felt nothing like this !!! And they cointued to tell me theu found notrhing wrong at all. I was so fucking confused and scared so from there they gave me valium, first time i have ever had it ! and with in 10-20 minutes i was fine. really tired but fine ! i thought to myself “ okay that was just a really bad panic attack i was overwheilmed by everything going on ill go home go to bed and wake up and everything will be fine!” boy was i wrong.... i woke up having a terrible panic attack again, disrealazation was still with me strong as ever. I just kept thinking to myself this cant be happening to me again i am dying !!!! This one lasted about 1 hour and after that i was really tired but i still was feeling really weird really off like somthing just wasnt right !!! from that night on i had at least 4 panic attacks a day and inbetwwen those panic attacks i was having anxiety attavcks. i was in the ER almost everyday. in the matter of 3 months i was in the ER at least 60 times.and each time they found nothing. I began going to other hosptails beacuse i thought they werent looking hard enough i literally thought i was dying from somthing. disrealaztion for me lasted about 2 months straight. Then i started to get horrible memory loss, terrible night sweats, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt function. i wasnt eating or drinking. so everytime i would go to the hospital they would pump me full of fluids. when i started getting the memory loss i was freaking out even more i was conviced somthing was wromg with my head thats why this was all happening i have a tumor or somthing i thought to myself !!! so off to the hospital we went.... they did a nuero exam on me and said everything looked great and did stroke tests on me too said all looked fine ! i began crying hysterically. Then the dr said would you feel better if we did a CT scan, i said yes please !!! so they did so. all came back clear. I was so confused again and frustarted i didnt understand what was happening !!!! And the memory loss contuined to get worse so i went to the hiospital a few more times for it i had another CT scan a few months after that, still all clear. At this point in time i became obssesed in trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him ! I started googling none stop, reading books about anxiety, listing to popcasts, i began trying everything, journaling, mediataing, cut out all caffine, trying essental oils, breathing techinques you name it ive tryed it. Nothing seemed to help. I decied to go see a physcaligist ive never went thru any of this before so i didnt know what to expect. He asked me a bunch of queshtions but before he would even start asking me queshtions i started crying. So by the end of it i was dignosed with GAD, ocd and depression. He put me on lexapro and ativan. I took the lexapro for a week and it made every 10 times worse i couldnt take it anymore. At that point i decied to try the natural route and bought $50 worth of supplemts that didnt help. So i seen a diffrent physcartist beacuse i didnt really like him. She added another great ole trate to my diganoses health anxiety. She put me on paxil and ativan. The ativan is the only thing that kept me sane. It was like once i took the ativan all my problems fadded away but once it wore off i was full of anxiety again. Now here we are 7 months later. Still in and out of the hospital not as much. Still on paxil 30mg and ativan 1mg twice a day. Still fearing that i am dying every single day. I didnt belive the doctors so i took it apon myself to go see all these specialist, i just had this gut feeling like my body was telling me somthing was wrong !!! ( still do ) So i started off with a nueroligst told him all my smyptoms done and by the end of the vist he wanted me to get 13 diffrent tests done. So lets see if i can remeber them all... i had brain and nack MRI, a brain MRA, EMG, nerve testings on my legs and arms, some inner ear testing, VAG test, a test to see if i was having sezuires and theres more i just cant remeber them all. But at the end of it nothing was found but polyps in my sinus cavity, a vistbular disorder and thats it. Then i went on to see a rhymotligist where she testsed me for every autoammone diease possible, also arthrits and FYBO. she found nothing but slight carppel tunnel in my right wrist. Then i went and seen a ears, nose and throat docotor, he found a lump in my thyroid that i JUST had biopsied 3 days ago and waiting for the results. I also seen a cardioligist i wore a halther monitor for 2 days they found nothing but a few PVCS and one SVT, i had a stress test done whitch came back perfect and a echo whitch where they found a thicking of one of my artires but he said it wasnt effecting me at all and i probaly was born with it and my body has learned to work around it. I also seen a vision specialst and my eyes are fine just need new glasses. So like i said i now take 30mg of paxil 1mg of ativan and i make doctor appts on the regular still beacuse im still not convinced this is anxiety. I am suposse to see the nureoligist in sept. for a fallow up but i made a earlier appt beacuse of the symptoms im still having im still convined somthing is wrong with my head. And mind while all this is first starting im still trying to work at the job were i work 50 hours a week as a store manager, i had to demote myself to assistant manager beacuse i couldnt handle it anymore, and i was barley at work beacuse i was always at the hospital. so about 3 months after demoting myself they fired me. So me and my boyfriend were both without a job so lets add that on. So i had this brillant idea of moving..... i thought maybe its beacuse of this house we are in maybe thats my issue ! So i went out put a down payment on a brand new trailer and we moved smack dab in the middle of winter. But yet i still felt terrible, i wasnt even excited about moving i felt nothing. i felt numb to everything. So hear i am still suffering each and everyday in this new trailer. I did have a job but i recently just quit it 2 days ago. I couldnt stand working there i felt like it was bringing me down more. but the plus side of that is i have 4 interviews on monday ! oh and my boyfriend HAD a awesome job landscpaing making good money ! and he quit that about 2 weeks ago. We still are with 1 car ( mine ) beacuse he has yet to fix the truck. Ive been on paxil for about 3 months now and ativan for about 4 months. The paxil has helped ease the anxiety alot. the ativan is the only thing that keeps me sane. But i still suffer everyday. i am so depressed. i am not the person i once was. I use to love being outside doing things, i loved cleaning beacuse it calmed me and i felt better after doing so, i use to love having fun and laughing i use to love working ! i was the person that ALWAYS had to be doing somthing. But now i am the complete oppisite. i dont know what it feels like to be truley happy anymore, to laugh, to smile, to not be scared or worried. I have no idea what it feels like to be normal anymore. I wake up everyday wishing, hoping, praying today will be a good day, but it never is. Anxiety or whatever this is hit me like a god damn fright train and has totally ruined my life and who i am. I know this was a super long post but i need to know im not the only one out there feeling these things. I need to know i am not dying, i am not crazy. Is a anxiety disorder really THIS BAD ?! Thanks so much for reading guys and please please please feel free to reach out. im going to list my symptoms below. And im going to try to keep posting. Thanks guys.

Everyday symptoms:

when i wake up in the morning or from a nap i feel really weird and spacey.

Night sweats

Blurry vision

shaking

memory loss

mood swings

genreal feeling of just fear

always on edge

crying spells

my body aches ( almost feel as if my body is bruised on the inside)

ALWAYS TIRED

back and neck pain and stiffness

my legs and arms randomly go tingly

pee ALOT

sleep alot

i dont remeber my dreams

overwhelming saddness

my head offten feels weird, its a feeling i cant even explain it feels like my brain is just going to shut down

ears ring

headaces

brain fog

somtimes when i wake up in the morning i feel swollen but my body isnt actutaly swollen

heart palpations

twitching/cramps

i sweat alot

my appetite is eaither there or its not

random dizzy spells

pressure in my head

feel the need to do somthing but not sure what it is

lost all intrest in everything

always thirsty

feeling like anxiety or health issues are always on my mind

i dont talk much anymore

i have isolated myself from almost everyone

no sex drive

constant reassurance

craving for sugar

cant figure out my triggers ( this causes alot of anxiety )

WHEN IM HAVING A ATTACK:

my mind goes blank or my thoughts race

half the time i cant understand my thoughts

i think and feel like im going to die

body tenses up

hyperventalate

the strong urge to just give up

fear that this will be my life forever

I USE TO GET A RACING HEART BUT NOW I DONT*** now i just feel like my heart beats funny and i get palpations here and there

uncontroble crying

this scary feeling whitch im assuming is impending doom

sudden urge to pee

feeling like my body is just shutting down

my memory seems to get worse in the middle of a attack

i recently started having suicidel thoughts

thinking about whats going to happen later or tomorrow ( how im going to feel what im going to do )

i get so upset that i am having a attack and cant figure out why so i will try to think of why im having a attack

#anxitey #mental health #anxiety sucks #depression

[multi-fandom-trashbin]

Secrets We Keep- Part Four

Jungkook felt like God gave him one more chance to try and fix things with Jimin. He locked himself in his dorm for two days straight after his confrontation with Yoongi, and he finally decided that he wanted to eat something other than cup ramen. As he was walking to the nearest café on campus, he heard a commotion and turned around, only to see his step-dad being restrained by Namjoon, his other friends staring at him in disgust. Jungkook's eyes widened at the sight, suddenly more scared than he'd ever been in his life.

While everything seemed handled at the moment, Jungkook knew that his step-dad was a lot stronger than his appearance let on. Everyone was too close to his step-dad for comfort, especially Jimin. Jungkook didn't know what may or may not happen, Jimin may never want to see him again after this, but Jungkook still loved him. And he'd be damned if he let his step-dad lay a finger on Jimin.

Food forgotten, Jungkook broke out into a sprint. He was nearly there, he was about to pass Taehyung who was the farthest away due to Yoongi being overprotective, when his step-dad broke free looking ready to kill...while staring right at Jimin.

Jungkook felt an extra boost of adrenaline propel him forward just in time to gently push Jimin back as far as possible and restrain his step-dad's wrist in the tightest grip possible. It took a few moments for Jimin to look up at him, and when Jungkook saw Jimin's eyes widen, he felt himself melt on the inside.

This was the first time he'd seen Jimin in five days, and while he clearly had dark circles under his eyes and was paler than normal, Jimin still looked ethereal to him.

"......Jungkook?" God his voice was like angels singing. Even though it was soft and a little scratchy, even though he sounded insecure, even though Jimin was still looking at him with a glint of despair in his eyes...Jimin was truly Jungkook's everything.

And he'd be damned if he let his demon of a step-father do anything to his everything.

Jungkook shoved his step-dad away from everyone, far enough that he'd have to walk a ways to try and hurt someone as well as hard enough that he fell on his butt. The fact that he was drunk also helped matters. Jungkook was breathing pretty heavily, seeing as he ran quite a ways to reach the commotion, but he still kept an eye on the man. His step-dad was volatile at the moment, looking away for a second could mean someone gets hurt.

"Jimin, I need you to take the others and get out of here. Now. Okay?" Jungkook heard Jimin quietly gasp and quickly glanced at him, only to see shock and confusion clearly being shown in his eyes. Jungkook wanted to keep staring into Jimin's eyes, but he'd been looking away from his step-dad for too long. Jungkook turned to see him starting to get onto his knees, and Jungkook tensed, knowing that his step-dad was preparing for a fight.

"Wait, wait, no. No Jungkook, what's going on? Who are these people, why are you acting like you know what they're gonna do? I'm so confused and you're not answering me, goddammit Jungkook would you jus-"

"Darling!" Both men froze.

Jungkook loved Jimin, but he was rambling angrily and not moving. Which Jungkook needed him to do if any of them were going to walk out of this unscathed, so Jungkook called Jimin by one of his many pet names. The one that made Jimin weak in the knees.

"Darling, I know you're confused, but I need you to get the others and get the hell away from here. I refuse to let him hurt anyone, but especially you. Understand?" Jungkook kept glancing between Jimin and his step-dad, adrenaline starting to course through his body as he saw his step-dad start to stand on two feet again.

"K-Kookie...you..." Jungkook felt his breath catch, it had been so long since he heard that nickname. He turned to Jimin and saw the pain, the insecurity, the tears welling up in his eyes and felt immense regret for how he'd been acting.

What was the point of protecting Jimin from his past if he was the one destroying his beloved in the process?

"Darling, I'm so sorry this is how you and the others learned about this, but right now I need you to-" Jungkook wasn't able to finish before he felt himself get shove back into a tree, his head colliding painfully with the trunk. Jungkook grunted and vaguely heard someone screaming his name. He looked up to see his step-dad a few feet away, glaring at him with pure hatred.

"So not only are you a disrespectful ingrate that doesn't answer phone calls, you're also a faggot? I should've gotten rid of you when I had the chance. Although, your boyfriend is very pretty, I have some friends that may be interested in his face..." As soon as Jungkook heard those last words, he saw red and felt the most aggressive burst of energy he's ever felt coursing through his veins.

He'd never let his step-dad touch Jimin. Over his dead body.

Jungkook lunged at his step-dad and tackled him to the ground and punched him in the stomach, dragged his step-dad up by his hair, and then punched him in the face. His step-dad then shoved Jungkook to the ground, jumped up, and kicked Jungkook in the stomach over and over until the fifth kick, where Jungkook grabbed his step-dad's ankle and yanked him to the ground so suddenly that his step-dad's head bounced on the ground.

Jungkook then stood up and kicked his dad in the crotch, just to be sure that he'd stay down for more than a minute. He'd normally never turn his back to his step-dad when in the middle of a fight, but he needed to check on his friends. He needed to check on Jimin.

He needed to make sure they didn't see this side of him.

Jungkook slowly turned to see Jimin and his friends fighting with his mom. Jungkook felt his heart drop down to his stomach, why were they anywhere near what was happening? They didn't need to see this, Jungkook didn't want them anywhere near his family!

Jungkook suddenly pain explode at the back of his head, as he fell to his knees he turned to see his dad with a now broken beer bottle in his hands.

'Oh, that's why everything smells like cheap beer now.' Jungkook thought.

"You will obey me!" Jungkook then felt his step-dad slam the broken beer bottle into his head again, then grip his hair firmly before slamming his head into the ground three, four, five times. Jungkook could see his vision fading out and feel a thick liquid running down his face.

Everything was muffled, he could barely hear anything, but the last thing he saw was Jimin turning around and a horrified look overtaking his face. Jungkook swore he saw a halo above Jimin's head, even though he knew it wasn't real. Jungkook felt immense regret and misery with the pain, he didn't even get to explain everything to Jimin. He didn't get to apologize. He didn't get to tell Jimin he loved him one last time.

'I'm sorry, my love.' Jungkook thought before his step-dad kicked him one last time in the chest...then the darkness consumed him.

________________________________________________________________

Jimin quickly backed away when he saw Jungkook got shoved into the tree by the mysterious man, but still screamed out his name when it happened.

Jimin wanted to intervene, to help out Jungkook, consequences be damned. He would have jumped into the fight had someone not dragged him away from the scuffle. Jimin turned and saw Taehyung, a look of regret on his face, and Jimin immediately started thrashing.

"NO TAE LET ME GO! I HAVE TO HELP HIM, I HAVE TO HELP KOOKIE! DAMNIT LET ME GO YOU FUCKING COWARD!" Jimin thrashed around in Taehyung's hold so violently that he almost broke free, but Taehyung told Jimin something that made Jimin freeze.

"Do you really think Jungkook wants you in the middle of that? He'd be too focused on protecting you to fight back properly, he'd get more hurt if you tried to help him. You can't do anything right now!" Jimin stilled and felt dread overtake him. There was nothing he could do to help Jungkook, and then Jimin just shut down.

Feeling nothing was better than feeling useless.

Taehyung dragged Jimin the rest of the way over to the others, who were now in a heated discussion with the mysterious woman.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't understand why you think you need to stay with him! He doesn't respect you, he clearly abuses you from what we've seen, have some self-respect! This kind of relationship is toxic, you'll end up dead before you should!" Jin was talking sternly to the woman who looked a little offended, but mostly just looked defeated.

"I can't leave him. My parents always told me that I need a strong man to lead the family. When my first husband died in a car accident, I was broken, but my son still needed a father figure. He was nice at first, everything I needed in a man actually. But, then we got married and things changed. But he's still a good man, he's still a good father, I know he can be! I wouldn't stay with him otherwise! I wouldn't have taken him back every time otherwise!" Jimin stared at the woman, and for some reason, she looked familiar. He couldn't explain it, but something about her reminded him of home.

But then Jimin focused on her eyes, and his blood ran cold. Doe eyes identical to the eyes that he's gazed at with so much love, eyes that would look away from his when he got caught staring, eyes that made him feel hot and bothered whenever he'd leave dance practice, skin still sweaty and glistening under the setting sun.

Doe eyes that belonged to Jungkook, his Kookie, on that woman's face. And suddenly everything seemed to click.

"How...how dare you." Everyone turned to Jimin, the woman now looking more offended than before.

"Excuse me?" Jimin just stared at the woman in disbelief and disgust. This woman allowed that man into her home, into Jungkook's home, and let him do who knows what to not only her life, but her son's as well. Jimin suddenly felt a lot less sympathy for her.

"You let that man come into your life and not only wreck yourself, but wreck your son. What kind of mother are you, to let someone as low as him completely destroy your home? Who do you think you are?! Who gave you the right to let that man destroy your son?!" While Jimin would never hit a lady, he was slowly advancing on her to try and prove his point. Hoseok saw this and quickly restrained Jimin who didn't fight back.

"Whoa, Jimin, what the hell is going on with you?!" Jimin stared the woman dead in the eye, who averted her gaze every now and then to avoid the intensity of Jimin's glare.

"Look at her eyes, and tell me who she reminds you of." Hoseok looked confused, but when he did what Jimin asked, he gasped in shock. Everyone else was confused, so they also looked where Jimin and Hoseok were looking, and soon enough everyone else put the pieces together.

"...You're Jungkook's mom." Namjoon stated it as a fact rather than as a question. The woman looked at all of them, slowly nodding her head. After she confirmed it, they all looked at her with disdain.

"How many times have you called him. How many. I-no, we need to know how many times he's gone because you've called only to have you do nothing as this man abuses him. I bet you watch it happen as if it's a normal reality TV show." Yoongi was pissed off, his voice the most monotone anyone had ever heard it. The woman looked offended at his comment which made everyone roll their eyes.

"How dare you assume I watch! I always make sure to  leave the room when he's like this with my son. Sure he's a little rough with us, but he's promised me he's getting better." At that point Jimin started to thrash around again, he could feel himself getting more and more livid with every word the woman spoke.

"You call this getting better?! He came in here screaming at you about learning respect and was about to slap you across the face! He had a beer bottle in his hands! He called the son you supposedly love a thing! How you call yourself a mother is beyond me!" Jin was now screaming again while being held back by Namjoon, even though he wanted to release the enraged man just so she could see the error of her ways. Jimin shook his head and turned around to try and see if Jungkook was okay, but quickly froze.

Jungkook's step-dad was barely standing up, but had a triumphant look on his face. Jungkook was on his hands and knees, his arms trembling, eyes out of focus as if he wasn't really there, and blood dripping down his head onto his face. Jimin saw Jungkook look up and stare right into his eyes with a hint of recognition in his eyes and Jimin almost sobbed, but he was frozen.

Jungkook looked close to death.

"I'm sorry, my love." Jimin saw Jungkook's mouth move but didn't hear his voice before he saw Jungkook's step-dad kick Jungkook to the ground. Jungkook didn't get back up, and Jimin felt his whole world collapse.

"KOOKIE!"

#secrets we keep #part four #jikook

[theradioghost]

lol ppl are asking about that post abt my dad (I feel weird about my family stories getting reblogged, hence separate post & readmore)

1. Came to the US by accident -- he came on a student fellowship, despite not having been a student for a while. He accidentally tripped into and knocked down a piece of furniture in some building and discovered a flyer for the fellowship that had been completely obscured behind it, applied mostly as a joke, and ended up with an unintended free ride.

2. Started dating my mom by accident -- because of an accident, really. he broke his ankle playing basketball, lived in the furthest student housing from his classes (in Boston, in the winter), and she was the only person he knew who had a car. in her words, she started out giving him pity rides and then decided to keep him.

3. Proposed by accident -- when my mom finished her phd research in the middle east, they discussed how she could now come live with him in canada, or he could return to the states and they could move into married housing at the university together. you have to understand that in this conversation my dad was being, as he typically is, entirely genuine and a little cluelessly naive.

dad: but we’re not married? mom: honey, it’s the 90s. you don’t need to actually be married. dad: you mean you don’t want to marry me?

this was told to me as a child as The Story of the Time Dad Didn’t Exactly Propose. turns out it was also the time he did propose. they got married on april fool’s day, because my parents are fucking ridiculous people.

Other things my dad has done include accidentally getting a world exclusive interview with the students responsible for the Iran hostage crisis (his college paper drunk dialed the embassy), accidentally walking in on a major drug deal and being chased through a crowded European marketplace (saved by a guy who hid him inside of a rolled-up carpet), and accidentally knocking himself out while opening a car door for a date and waking up to her father standing over him telling him he was “a real loser.”

#my posts #monotreme monologue #just fyi i will delete this if it gets reblogged

[joons-expensive-gurl]

Lost Stars - Part 1

SMASH!

The glass you’d been holding fell to the ground with a scream as it shattered. Your jaw dropped and your body froze up. This couldn’t be happening. It was too early for this. You’d only just woken up.

“Baby, listen. I know it’s hard. But I love this man and you’ll come to love him, too.” Your mom tried to console, but to no avail. “You… dad… I…” “[First] I will always love your father. It just didn’t work out. It wasn’t meant to be.” “So after kicking him out, destroying his life, you’re going to marry the dude you fucked whilst married to him?” “[First]…” she sighed.

Reaching forwards, she went to grab your hand. But you slapped it away sharply. Her face dropped from disappointment (in herself) to shock. Tears welled in her eyes.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You hissed.

Heart pounding, you rushed to your room, slamming the door shut and sliding down it. You ran a hand through your hair as you began to sob silently. The clock flashed 6:46am…

~^*^~

“Kookie don’t go yet. We just finished. Cuddle.” Her voice was irritating. “I already told you I don’t do aftercare.” “Jungkook you’re leaving. There’s every reason to do it this once.” “No there isn’t. You’ll only get attached.” “I already did. Why do you think I keep coming back for this?!”

As he pulled his black skinny jeans up, he turned to watch as she stood up, a thin sheet wrapped around her small frame. The girl, name unknown to him despite this being the 6th time he’d taken her to bed, slowly moved towards him. Her hand trailed down his still open front, up again to his cheek. His eyes watched her. He thought of everything she’s spilled to him. Her darkest secrets were kept under lock and key… in him.

“Can I at least get a goodbye hug? I promise I won’t come crying again.” “You promise me something else first.” “Anything, Kook.” “Dump Seokjin. You’ve cheated on him, you don’t love him. There’s no reason to keep pretending. Break up with him and find someone else to be happy with.” “Okay.”

He moved his toned arms up, around her waist and pulled her into him. Her scent was enticing and admittedly, he was definitely going to miss it so much. She smelt of comfort. Two thin arms hooked around his neck and her chin rested on his thick shoulder.

“Thank you for everything.” She whispered.

He let go of her. As he left the room, he pulled on his white t-shirt. She collapsed to the ground in tears.

“You were my someone else…” she chocked, silently praying he’d hear.

~^*^~

“Tae look… she’s been crying again.”

The blonde pointed out two [e/c] orbs rimmed with red, sloppily covered up in black. When it came to those two boys, they could pick anything out.

“Want me to go check up on her, hyung?” “Might be a good idea. She’s closer to you anyway.”

Tae walked over to your locker, leaning up against the one next to it with his back. Turning his head to you, he watched while you shoved your books in with force, lazily.

“You good?” He asked quietly. “Fine.” “No you aren’t.” “Yes I am.” “[First], please don’t lie. Something’s up. Is it your mom?”

That was all it took. The ’m’ word. Your head dropped and Tae immediately knew. He looked over to Jimin for help. Who only rolled his eyes before storming over, grabbing your wrist and slamming the locker door shut.

You didn’t complain as he dragged you through the school, towards the back field. Truth be told, you had no energy. Tae trailed behind like a lost puppy.

Once you got behind the small mobiles at the back of the school’s field, Jimin let go of your hand. He didn’t look too pleased.

“What have you been hiding now? Has there been word on the divorce?” You shook your head, “then what? You need support and we’re not going to even bother after this is you don’t tell us.” “Hyung…” “No Tae. Look, [First], I love you. I truly do, but you need to start talking.” “My… my mom… she’s… remarrying.” “Shit. Oh fuck I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have been to harsh.” “You realise now.” Tae crossed his arms. “I’m just having problems with Holly. That’s all.” “Holly? Min Holly?! Since when?” Tae diverted the conversation from you. “A couple months. Nothing serious. I’ve fucked her once or twice but she keeps coming back for more. Can’t seem to get rid of her.” “I’d be careful. She’s only a sophomore and she’s Yoongi’s little sister. He’d murder for her.” “You think I don’t know that? Fuck. Anyway, [First], tell us.” “She was cheating on my dad in Korea when she was working. Turns out she’s marrying him. They’re coming on Saturday.” You gulped.

Tae and Jimin looked shocked. They’d known about the situation, just not how bad it was. And this was really bad.

You’d always been your fathers daughter. He was your favourite parent and you’d have done anything for him, and him you. But once your mom started cheating, things went downhill. She eventually left him, started a divorce case and left him broke and jobless. You could never forgive her for that.

“Wait. "They’re”? Who the fuck else, [First]?“ "He’s got a son. Our age. I swear if he comes anywhere near my pantie draw, you’re going to see me on local news for murder.” “Not if I don’t kill him first.” Tae muttered, “I don’t want any boy living with my precious little [First].” “Little?” Your raised an eyebrow. “Stop bickering. Do you want to come over on Saturday, [First]? My brother just got quite a large selection of alcohol and he’s offered me and two other people to come test it out.” “I can get hammered.” Tae smirked. “I need to get hammered.” You groaned. “It’s on.” Jimin crossed his arms, a smirk plastered on his face.

~^*^~

“I still don’t see why I can’t just stay here. I’m almost done with school.” Jungkook groaned as his father continued to pack. “Because you’re only 18. You’re too young to live alone. Plus, you need positive female company. A mother figure, a sister figure. Not just a woman to…. play… with.” “I forgot about the sister thing. I bet she’s a right nerd.” “I’ve heard she’s lovely.”

Jungkook turned his attention back to the TV, watching some show with Lee Min Ho in his best role - a rich, stuck up kid. Although it was halfway through the season, the plot was easy to follow so Jungkook was soon swept in.

He sighed. Giving up his popularity and high school fame for some woman and her nerdy-ass daughter was not how he expected the year to go.

Still, at least there’d be fresh meat. He sighed, flipping the channel to the news.

~^*^~

Saturday was coming by slower than you could handle. Friday was only almost done and after, you had to go home and work things out with your mom. Ever since the argument, you’d ignored her and avoided her like the plague. You felt too bad to continue and wanted to apologise.

Currently, you were in science class and the teacher was droning on about electrons or something. Your chin was in the palm of your hand, eyes half closed. Beside you, Jimin and Tae were chatting away quietly.

“Okay, before we go, I have an announcement. We’ll be having a new student join us sometime next week. I want you all on your best behaviour to help them feel comfortable. I hear they’re coming from Korea, so they’re going to need a lot of adjustment.” “That your step-brother?” Jimin whispered. “Yeah…” you sighed.

Once the bell rung, you made your way out of the building with Jimin and Tae, talking about anything. Complaining about classes, any new gossip, absolutely anything. Soon enough, though, you’d made your way home. Jimin and Tae waved, seeing you off until tomorrow.

The house was quiet. Obviously your mom wasn’t back yet. You hooked your school bag up, kicking off your shoes and then walked into the kitchen. There was a plate of fruit and a small note.

‘Gone shopping, keep the house clean, be back around 4:30. Love you x’

You sighed.

Picking up the plate, you made your way to the living room and began to binge watch Friends. Sometimes there was nothing better than a little light hearted comedy to ease off a long week.

At around 3:30, you felt your eyelids get heavy and you ended up taking a nap until someone moving your legs woke you up.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Came her soft voice. “It’s okay,” You sat up, “mom… I’m really sorry about the other day.” “It’s alright. You handled the situation better than I expected.” “I’m still sorry.” “Don’t fret. Do you want to come pick them up with me tomorrow?” “Actually, Jimin invited me round tomorrow. Is it cool if I go hang out with him?” “Of course. That Jimin is such a good boy.”

'Well,’ you thought, 'he’s only inviting me round to do some binge drinking.’

~^*^~

“Jungkook do you have to wear such… dreary clothing? You’re meeting your step mother for Christ’s sake.” “Dad its all I’ve got. I’ve packed everything else.” “Oh whatever. Hurry up. The car’s outside.”

Pulling up his black mask, Jungkook walked out of the now empty apartment with his suitcase behind him. Maybe a black coat, black jeans, a black beanie and black Timberlands weren’t going to give off the best impression to his new family.

Fuck it.

~^*^~

“I’ll see you later, mom.” “You’re a bit dressed up for Jimins aren’t you?” “Oh, his parents are there today. Don’t want to look sloppy in front of them. You know what they’re like.” “Of corse. See you later.”

The actual truth behind your clothing was to ensure you could get as drunk as you wanted, without having to get too hot and try to get rid of any clothing items. It made the whole ordeal somehow more easy.

The black skirt you wore danced around your thighs as you walked out. The black ankle boots you wore clicked with each step. You couldn’t deny, you looked amazing.

After a quick walk, you’d finally made it to Jimins house. Rapping four times, you waited. It was rule that you knocked four times and Tae five so Jimin knew who it was. Tae opened the door and smiled at you, eyes slowly looking you over (without you noticing).

“Finally! We were about to open the vodka. Get in.” He hugged you tightly and quickly lead you down to the basement.

Jimin and his younger brother, Jihyun were sat on the floor, cross legged, playing some stupid war game.

“She’s here. Can we start?” Tae announced, shutting the door behind you. “Let’s start, hyung!” Jihyun stood up, flashing you a bright smile. “Of course.” “Jihyun, how did you even get alcohol, you’re younger than us.” You inquired, stepping further into what you liked to call “the man cave”. “Oh I have older, cooler friends than you guys.” “Rude.” Jimin scolded.

Once the first bottle was popped open, the alcohol didn’t stop flowing. You spent the entire day from 11am until 8pm drinking until your mom called, asking where you were. Tae clung onto you until you somehow managed to pull away from him and you staggered all the way home.

At some point during the journey, you took off your boots and wandered home barefoot. You were also clad in a thin, black vest and a black short skirt, which meant it was pretty cold. Finally, you got home, you looked a mess. In fact, your hair looked like your ran through several hedges. Your face was flushed red, nipples completely erect and peeking through your vest. And, you’d forgotten that two certain people were inside.

Staggering, you slowly crept into the living room. As you switched the light on, you rubbed your head with your hand and looked up.

“Holy shit on a pig.” You uttered.

A man, looking very sharp and stern in a business suit sat on the sofa next to your mother. His eyes were wide as he looked at you. Your moms expression was unreadable but her left eyebrow twitched. Anger.

That’s when it caught your eye.

The figure looming opposite you, only a few feet away. A boy. Around your age. He was looking at you, eyes wide and jaw slightly ajar.

“Probably not the best introduction…” your mother chuckled nervously, “this is my daughter [First]… [First] this is Mr. Jeon… and his son Jungkook….” “A-ah… nice to meet you…”

You hurriedly tried to fix your state but it was too late. The damage was done. Your mom looked furious.

“Ms [Last], you should have told me my step sister was so… pretty…” Jungkook piped up. “Ah, well, Jungkook, I’m not really sure where she gets her looks from.” “Obviously her mother.” You heard Mr Jeon whisper. “But really, you should have told me she was this pretty. It’s nice to meet you, [First]. My name is Jungkook,” he smiled politely, “and I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself around you.” He whispered, so only you could hear.

Your eyes popped out of your skull. Rage coursed your veins. Never in your life had you met someone like this.

“Excuse me, I’m going to bed. I don’t feel too good.” “I can make you feel better.” Jungkook whispered as you walked past and your face deepened in colour with embarrassment.

#Lost Stars #Jungkook X Reader #BTS #Bangtan #Queuetan SonyeonDan