#and then even more to become stable

[lollytea]

Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it

#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first #i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale #he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably #i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy #he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything #no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore #would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately #who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it #its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for #i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while #shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses #once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense #so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too #but also. she scawwed. #when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED #he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now #he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance #anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop #Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little #but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world #i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge #even if she wants to. she badly wants to #but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are'' #he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore #Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself #shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone #hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants #because god knows HE knows what he wants #they make me so insane

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

[biioshocker]

i think the most important thing to me about the arcane season finale was jinx saying plainly that she wished vi could love the version of her now the same as she did the younger version of her. i can understand why she sided with silco when vi has been calling her powder and talking about her in the past and treating her like she needed to be fixed. that feels like a conditional love vs the one silco offered her that loved her for who she was now and has been since she met her. no one wants to feel like they have to earn the love of their family by becoming someone else. i really hope vi learned that too and that she should meet jinx where she is now and try to reach her there

i think it’s also really poignant that she was willing to make a “trade” with vi and even used the phrase “you can have powder back” like she knew she would be trying to fit a mold for vi rather than for herself for the rest of her life if vi agreed but jinx loved and missed her sister so much she was willing to for only the piece of mind that vi never intended to replace her

#maybe a little bit of sunk cost fallacy too in that jinx has been jinx so long even if she knew vi was right that she needed to #change/become more mentally stable/find help/whatever she’s been this person so long it’s hard to admit it’s not the ‘right’ kind of person #uhhhgg #i love the character dynamics in this show i cannot wait for s2 #arcane #league of legends #jinx

[byanyan]

byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun

#yes I'm still stuck on fledgling verse ok don't look at me #I JUST...... i have a lot of feelings about them discovering that becoming a supernatural creature is not as neat as they thought #I mean it's not like they made the choice themself or anything... but u know... #they had their hopes after the shock of their embrace wore off #but then it turns out they have trauma over the event??? and now they have to leave everything they knew behind??? #gotta figure out everything for themself and have no stable place to live so they're at risk of dying EVERY DAY bc of the gd sun #somehow they've become even more of an outsider & now they've got a hard time trusting other vamps bc most consider them better off dead #they're isolated and traumatized and overall just Not Having a Good Time #they're so ANGRY but at the same time so CRIPPLINGLY DEPRESSED that on any given night they're either breaking shit & getting into fights #or they're having the most impossible time finding the will to crawl from their hiding place to feed themself #and don't even get me STARTED on instances where they've lost control & hurt someone they care about UGH #yeah....... i love this verse it's so deliciously angst lmao #all this to say I'm gonna try to poke more of the prompts for it in my ask today #once I complete the last two full name prompts ofc uvu #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ verse: fledgling. #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[carlyraejepsans]

do you. have any charisk fic recommendations. i’m so close to shipping them but i’m on the fence tbh

no tbh, i just ship the hyperspecific, highly self catering version of charisk that only exists in my brain

#it's a very weird slightly codependent.. thing. especially on frisk's end #because i was working off of the premise that they must have been abandoned and so very lonely before climbing the mountain #so having chara by their side constantly would've been of tremendous comfort to them and they would get more than a little attached #while chara is basically haunting the underground. constantly wanting to do things again and again and again because they can't let go #(neutral runs basically) #and frisk being so attached to them that they go along. as long as they can stick together #world's least stable 12 year olds #it's not even like i ship them in a kissy smoochie way it's not romantic #but it's definitely more than platonic too y'know. VERY codependent #but also the main appeal to me is the inherent tragedy of it. because in genocide chara becomes stronger and stronger #until frisk is fully put aside as they become aware of and interested in US. players #while in pacifist chara finally lets go and stops haunting the story... and frisk. who has to go on and live their own life #and while they DO have a support system and a new family with them. it's still gonna be a pretty big blow on them #especially since chara holds the SAVE file and the power to reset (even if they did manage it together throughout the game) #and now they're gone. like either way there's no ending where they break the loop AND they stay together #and that concept just makes me insane and is. so underrated. or at least i haven't seen anything with that premise yet #answered asks #hcs

[rosecreates]

Raven and Astarion are basically just "Charlatan to Charlatan communication" without either realizing it because neither of them are very open about their pasts at first and in the scenario where Astarion enacts his simple plan on Raven he has no idea he is breaking Rule 0: Don't try to con another conman (or conwoman in this case).

Raven knows exactly what he's doing but she just doesn't tell him she knows until later because the game is fun.

Both of them thought this would stay a game but then they both catch feelings lmao. Absolute losers (affectionate).

#{oc ramblings} #{oc: raven} #ive been thinking more about raven with astarion because like i have major astarion brainrot ofc but like #they're real similar in several ways and i initially thought that would be their downfall as a couple but like whilst it still could be #they both are very capable of immense character development that can have it not end badly #raven already has all kinds of seeds for becoming better and i can imagine astarion would like...not intentionally push her toward that but #see he would encourage her to continue being her chaotic neutral self but i dont think he'd stay silent when he realizes shes being abused #like she keeps her past close to her chest and constantly is like 'oh drow society is just like this its fine' but everyone around her def- #is like '...you know that doesnt mean its ok you got treated the way you were treated right???' #raven wasnt sexually abused like astarion. but she did have to claw her way from the bottom to where she is. she knows extremely well she- #got lucky. and shes continued getting lucky. she's had several attempts on her life and she knows her fate is in her adoptive mom's hands #her adoptive mom could throw her out at any time. kill her even. she acts arrogant and full of herself but she knows the fragile- #foundation she stands on as part of house mizzrym. she already has dealt with lots of judgement from others. jealousy from others #her position is unstable and its also why shes real desperate to cling onto it because if she fucks up she's screwed no matter how talented #she may be. and that sort of thing isnt good for her. the constant worry about losing everything she has if she screws up. #she worked her butt off and still works her butt off to stay where she is but it can all not matter if her adoptive mother decides she's- #not worth shit anymore. even if she's killed countless of her adoptive siblings. even if she passed a test of lolth. #though she's also probably looking for a more stable position in drow society which i think her companion quest will feature her- #being offered the chance for a more stable position. im not sure what position. i originally considered the chosen of lolth but eh #maybe lolth tasked her with murdering her adoptive mother (akordia is her name) to overtake her position? #akordia possibly being the like right-hand woman of the current matron mother (her sister). i dunno. #god i wish drow lore was more centralized NBJFGNKBGF #maybe i'll rewrite the position that raven is in again to make it where she just serves house mizzrym #just. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[rxttenfish]

likewise i also think a lot about how i? might? be the only person writing miranda in this fandom where she doesn’t just. have the ability to walk away.

like, oh no, the merkingdom has sunk its claws into her just as much as anyone else. if she tries to leave then its open season on her too. the merkingdom and the other royals are not just all going to change because miranda does, and very much, if they don’t feel like they’re getting the results they want out of her, they will take it out on her as well. its complicated, and they’re good on teaming up on anyone who threatens the status quo.

like, this is not to absolve her own involvement in it, and she very much enacts the same punishment she herself would face on other royals who don’t fall in line just the same as everyone else — but i hate the overly simplistic view both canon and fanon has on the merkingdom and the vanderbilts themselves.

there’s a complicated, ugly tango going on that mixes up perpetrators and victims, and i think it’s very disingenuous to simplify a horrifically abusive system like that.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #likewise for. her being crown princess. and that giving extra weight to #the seeming betrayal of someone in a more powerful position ''falling out of line'' and no longer enacting the ideals #that have been so deeply tied to that position. #especially to the other royals‚ where it almost acts as a reminder of how fragile their OWN positions are. #and their constant desire to maintain control. #like the royals all fucking hate each other. and they hate anyone who's not a royal more than that. #and they hate landfolk even more than that. #but most of all they hate any royal who shows weakness or who steps out of line. #theyve kind of formed a very stable system because #they all want to fall apart all the time. but they want to fall apart in different ways so it all cancels each other out. #and it becomes a stable system that's incredibly hard to break out of. #its also why miranda acted so differently when she came up to land for the first time and first met the other ROs. #as well as why she finally could start. yaknow. acting like a person. trying to work on her shit. #dealing with the whole complicated mess that is her life and confront it at ALL. #only once she came up onto land and was away from the merkingdom in ANY meaningful way #Monster Prom #Monster Camp

[catboyelimgarak]

I’m sure many others have observed this, but just to get it out of my system: because Cardassia has been so low in resources for years as it’s said in the show ever since the planet took a turn for the worst, being well fed is a show of power and wealth I.E. Enabran Tain. Perhaps in their youth and to be better for military duties you’ll see Cardassians keeping in the skinnier side to make sure everyone eats equally in their lack of resources I.E. Dukat who has to be tall and twig like to show how much he gives to his people and soldiers. We also look at McCormack’s “The Never-Ending Sacrifice” where Rugal’s grandmother lived dirt poor and tells of how she would walk far to get clean water that would be possibly be contaminated and be fought for. In the same book people are lining up for food and the poor are given handouts from Rugal and his friends. Cardassians don’t have enough food or water and if you do (like Rugal’s family which is why his friends did not like him initially) you show it off with your body in every way — very peacock behavior. You are obviously someone who is skilled enough to obtain what everyone wants. You are attractive and sought out.

Garak is a sort of exception in some ways since he is on a space station that is never without resources, but also that he can live there where it’s shown that people need to PAY in someway for their businesses, that shows he also has the skills to be there. To eat the food and live with clean water. His tailoring and the skills he has from his Obsidian Order years and training are so good he can afford his shop and living expenses. That he remarks on his weight too, albeit in a way to get Julian to notice (most likely to spend time and sweat together 👀), its his Cardassian upbringing peacocking: look at me, I can provide and am in good health! He isn’t wealthy not too powerful those days, but he makes it up with his talents and skills.

#in all Cardassians love all body types but because of their I’m Superior moods over power and money only one is shown to also be hated #only because reasons that is universal in capitalist societies with corrupt people in charge #no doubt when Cardassia becomes stable and even joins the federation it’ll be all loved once more #but joining the federation is another issue to settle #text tag.

[mxstball]

Have a mun question in return! What's your favorite thing about mainline Pokemon, and how did you get into it?

// genuinely didn't expect the return question but let's do this!

// god I think my favorite thing about mainline is the lore... in two different senses of the word. Starting with in-game, the world of Pokémon is vast and has changed so much in the 27 years that it's been out. Back during Generations 1 and 2, it was just a game about catching mystical creatures and stopping Team Rocket... but now? We have gods, parallel dimensions, paradoxes, ancient yet forgotten legends, regional variants, and so much more. We have a general gist of the inner workings of the world, how humans fit, and how their / our actions have affected the world in turn. From the extinction of past variants such as Ursaluna to the saving of Pokémon like Lapras to even passing mention of world events such as the dissolution of Team Rocket, our actions and our experiences throughout the series has shaped the world in so many ways, both passively and actively.

// In the other sense of the word, Pokémon pulls from so many aspects of different parts of the world. We take this for granted sometimes, but each of the 1,000 Pokémon pull from real-life animals, pop culture, mythology, religion and so much more. Learning about even the mundane of the various types of regional birds leads to better understanding the differences in culture, climate, and conditions of the various regions. And it's not even that you need to LEARN all of that to better understand the game, either. It's all there in the background so that, when you do that research, you gain both a better appreciation for not only the Pokémon world, but also for the real world as well.

// As for how I got into the franchise? Well, Pokémon was actually the first JRPG I've ever played. When I lived with my grandfather when I was 6, I wanted to be like him. He was really big into playing videogames and played a lot of games on his PlayStation like Tomb Raider and FINAL FANTASY VII; however, because I was young, he didn't want to expose me to so much violence at the time, so he gave me Pokémon Silver on my Game Boy (not Color) and the walkthrough guide for the game as well. I played it so much, though I was never able to beat it. Whitney's Clefairy destroyed me. Then, I got Crystal as well, but couldn't beat that because Ice Cave was too hard... yes.... even with a guide.

// Anyway, while I'd say that was what got me hooked, it wasn't. I went into the foster care system 3 short years later, and as such was never able to play Pokémon at all. Even when I eventually lived with my mother, she would not allow me to play the games because it was a "sexual game" or some shit (yes. not joking. it's a fun story if you wanna dm me about it). However, I still had the games in my heart and always wanted to play them again. So, when I left my mother's house and was able to choose a game to get for my new DS, I got a used copy of Pokémon Diamond, restarted the game, and started the game.

// And the rest, as they say, was history.

#answered #ifbench #ooc #mod #// i love pokemon so much #// it's my favorite franchise #// it's been with me literally my entire life #// it's why i got into game development #// and it's also been the only thing stable in my life since 7th grade #// that's why i even take vacation time out to play the latest games #// ik the games have changed a lot and has become more divisive as time goes on but #// playing the games is like coming home to me #// and i will forever be grateful for that

[kraviolis]

why did i immediately cling to the most psychologically unwell characters in nopixel. what does that say about me

#krav talks #my favorites are cleo dundee and pat #but im also a big fan of the ones that SEEM super mentally stable but have sprinkles of trauma they pretend to be okay about #like bundy & ziggy & bryce & kiki #oh man ziggy buggs especially. he comes off as such a normal person #but i cannot WAIT to see what he's gonna become when the butterfly killer finally snaps and starts doing her thing again #we've been getting little hints of that for the past 6 months. #np #btw i dont count james randal in my favorites bcus hes the leader. he's the king. he will always be number one. #hes fucking batshit insane. hes even crazier than holden bcus holden is at least AWARE and CONSCIOUS that he has a penchant for violence #and while james does often admit to his violent streak he will literally bend the memories of his killings in his mind to make them fit int #his self defense excuse. i dont think he does it consciously but more so to cope with the fact that he's constantly performing extreme #acts of violence despite the fact that he doesnt like hurting people

[flashbic]

The "heel-face revolving door" trope name has lived in my head rent-free for all these years just so I could apply it to Dazzle specifically, love that for him yes good

Also: love these gay cats 10/10

#karvolf reads Hunters unlucky #book was good!!! #as someone who doesn't read much romance i will admit the more action-y second half clicked more for me #but even then I am never complaining about getting to read more about these characters #I'm so there for Halvery's entire character arc yes good!! #it's also interesting how between this and the short stories you get a pretty cool picture of creasia society changing #becoming something more stable and kinder #I would love to see that for the ferryshafts at some point! bc the environment Storm grew up in was Rough #and the younger herds I'm guessing would have to relearn A Lot without really having elders around #since iirc more of them went with Sedaron at the end of the original book #guess we did get a glimpse of ferryshaft society changing in that short story w Sauny and Valla #im a simple man i love me some ferryshaft content that's all #rambling in the tags bc Hunters Unlucky universe my beloved

[earthgangs]

sometimes it feels like, all that I want is too much because it just never happens, and the desires begin to feel intimidating. i want things to change, i don’t want to keep repeating these same cycles anymore i just wish, i just really wish i was different. maybe then, if i was just better, i could do it. i could achieve so much. i could be something great. someone that i could be proud of.

#dear diary #i just wish things didn’t feel so big and overwhelming anymore #all that i want seems so impossible to attain #i just wish i knew what i was doing wrong #im so upset and sad #I just want to know what’s wrong with me #so that maybe I could have a love that stays #maybe I could become so much more disciplined in studying and school #so that maybe I could be more emotionally stable and happy with life even if things don’t go my way #i just wonder #why is it that these desires seem so simple yet the road to getting them is so hard for me #when for everyone else it looks so easy #if i was just different #if i was just better #maybe then i could get the things I want #just for once in my life #i could enjoy being alive for a while #well i don’t think it’s not that i don’t enjoy being alive but just #the bad stuff is overwhelming right now #and one thing goes wrong it seems like everything else that is wrong in my life right now just gets amplified #I desire so much #will it ever come true #im just not confident in that fact that I’m deserving of good things #I guess it’s conceited to think you’re that special huh #that of all the people in the world you’re a special enough case to not get anything you want in life

[thesunbrokeyourskull]

-

#I would kill my ex ‘p’ to become rich. #I would kill my ex ‘m’ to obtain even more beauty and attract even more people. #I would beat up my ex ‘b’ to the point of him almost dying to have a nice house and the best of the best of things. #I would beat up my bf ‘d’ to be more mentally stable so that I am balanced and at peace with myself and my life. #I would kill my ex ‘k’ to become a well known scholar who has many degrees in maths science and philosophy and to preform surgery&research #I would step on anybody to get to where I want to be in life if it meant making myself happy. #I just manipulated my bf into feeling bad for me because I genuinely just want to feel good and secure even if that’s at his expense. #he’s right.. I don’t care about anyone more than myself and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. why should I put someone above myself? #I’ll tell you what.. until someone can show me that being a good honest generous person can get me anywhere I’ll keep doing what works :) #grey god #puppets #and I genuinely just don’t like or care for others. there’s always something I want in return when it comes to relationships with others. #I find humans disgusting and faulty and I don’t care if I add to their pain because it’s usually to benefit me and if it doesn’t it’s to- #-get back at others for hurting me. or I’m bored. I probably have the most sick and twisted mind of anyone I know. I think people know that #-tho but they still keep me around and help me out whenever I need it. it’s all a show for me and for them. people are so stupid and they #-genuinely think doing the right think helps them. it doesn’t. it’s kind of sad. I just know that once ‘d’ realizes I’ve taken him for - #-everything he’s got it’ll be too late and he’ll have to deal with how much better I am than him and how much I’ve grown leeching off of- #-his emotional labor. I just jump from one person to another taking what I want and what I can. I don’t think I’ve genuinely loved anyone. #I’ve always been this way. I almost love people but then I just truly don’t. it’s more fun to see how far I can break them before #-they can’t do it anymore. I hope that everyone I’ve ever hurt continues to hurt forever and that they never grown or evolve. #’d’ told me tonight that I ruined his life. ‘b’ told me I ruined him. ‘m’ is a coward and he said he’ll never love again. #’k’ is a used up simple minded loser. ‘p’ is a stunted delusion addict with me issues for the rest of his life. notice I said me issues and #not daddy or mommy issues lol. I have tricked them all. they are all pathetic and whimpy fucks. #the day I grinded against ‘d’s sluty ass again after I ‘raped him’ he told me to go slow but it made me think.. what if I just raped him? #I could just do it and he won’t do shit about it. he’ll forgive me like always. he’s an insecure loser. I wanted to just take my dick- #and shove it down his throat and then ruin his hole with it #but I didn’t. I respected what he said but the fact that I thought about it isn’t good.

[clanoffelidae]

Cons to being suddenly sent into vyvanse withdrawal again: basically everything

Pros: my appetite, which I have been struggling with since starting adhd medication that resulted in me rapidly (nearly a pound a day) and uncontrollably losing weight and led to changes i don’t like in my diet (more processed sugar, doesn’t sit well on my stomach :/) in an effort to consume enough calories to stabilize, has returned with a VENGEANCE

#and im craving my usual hearty foods not sweet things #ive always favored hearty foods and good filling meals to sweet treats #umami supremacy #i’d rank my taste preferences umami - salty - sweet - sour - bitter #and honestly i dont even mind bitter so long as it’s a food and not a drink #idk im rlly picky once it becomes a liquid tho #love me some chocolate leaning further towards bitter than sweet tho #really lets the fullness of the flavor come through #because when i say i like chocolate i mean i want to be able to taste the CHOCOLATE #not chocolate flavored sugar #anyway that’s a tangent #but god ive been STARVING all day today despite eating enough to carry me through an entire day these days #before even getting home #just downed enough turkey and cheese sandwiches (grilled) that i would be full to nausea normally #and i would keep going if not for the fact that i dont want to get up and make more lol #im still hungry #we’re back baby #and for the record i never actively gained weight prior to meds either #i naturally regulated myself and stayed stable overall #so when the meds shot my appetite in the foot yeah no wonder my weight started PLUMMETING lol #i wasnt overeating before at all - i was eating normally #for my metabolism #and activity levels #so yeah lol #but anyway my appetite is back with a VENGEANCE today lol #im gonna have second dinner here soon i know it lol #four sandwiches? that’s nothing #i haven’t even had my veggies yet (was too hungry to wait for them to finish thawing) #gonna lay down for a bit before round 2 but i almost forgot what a functional appetite felt like lol #i dont like everything else about this - but it’s good to have my hunger back

[bhaalsdeepbat]

I think Mercy would try to bargain for Orin back. I just can't see them not being weighed down by that, especially after the convo w Sarevok and finding the note in his desk. That was the moment when Mercy's quest for Vengeance just became a hollow one. They realized how much if a victim Orin is, even if they didn't want to see themself in her. Ultimately, they did, but the journey went from a them vs. us thing to Mercy realizing how close they were to being part of the "them" category, esp since the rest of the squad is only there bc of their evil master plan

#bat rambles #mercy is also the one that just. isnt into gortash like #i think they were friendly before but thats more one-sided #my bard durge was fucking that man day and night tho and doesnt give a FUCK about Orin #but mercy felt so much sympathy that they just kinda stood in the temple for a moment and stared at Orin's gore pile #a part of them was like wow this could have been the end I would face #but mostly they were mourning their sister and the woman she was forced to become and the fact she wasnt given the same chance #and questioning WHY they would be given this chance at all but literally no one else #mercy knows Ketheric has more blood on his hands than Mercy even does #and Gortash is far crueler than any Bhaalist would ever be #but orin? #she's unstable and desperate to please Bhaal #the only diff btwn her and durge is that Durge was more stable before #i just cant #im crying

[demigirl-demigod]

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning and I told him the anxiety medication is helping but not as much as I’d hoped so he upped it a bit (I was at the lowest possible dose so that’s to be expected) and he also commented at one point that medication should not be the only way I’m managing my mental health, which I know he did not mean in an accusatory way, just a reminder that the medication will not fix everything, but I’ve been spiraling ever since thinking that he thinks I’m drug seeking and beating myself up for asking to up the meds when maybe I should have just left it alone and I am fully aware of the irony that this is the exact reason I need the medication lmao but someone please tell me I didn’t do something wrong

#I really like this psychiatrist and I know he didn’t mean anything negative #I think the fact that I stopped therapy isn’t helping #idk if he even knows that I did though #I only stopped bc I felt like my therapist was not helpful and doing more harm than good #and I’m actively looking for a new therapist #but I also have to wait until work becomes stable again #bc I want to go out of network and I’ll have to pay part of it #mental health #personal