#and then he comes up with 'i'll never talk to you' and lbr that's the scariest thing he could have said

[soleilnomoon]

Prompt: “I don’t like them; I can barely tolerate them.” for Abarai Renji. Once again, I leave it up to you what you wanna do (but maybe enemies to lovers) Yes, I might be on a little Bleach binge right now but it's okay you like it. kiss kiss

*hides face* ok, ok, ok, hear me out, let's pretend i didn't take *insert accurate length of time here* and say i wrote this in a few days. i am so sorry i took forever and ever with this but as u know i can only give u top quality work or else i'll never forgive myself. renji is.......well *motions to him* yk how that man is, he made me suffer!!!! in a good way!!! but still i suffered!!! yk how much i love enemies 2 lovers u big brained beauty 🤭 so ty baby❤️️ also this is my first renji fic and i can't belev it.

5.2k words (don't look at me, just don't), fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, enemies 2 lovers, angst city, angst angst city biiiitch (yk the vibez babey), smut obviously, no fluff bc who do u think i am? feat. renji being a mean petty bitch (i guess that makes him a mean dom maybe yes), sub reader bc that's what i want; there's a party with alcohol, ichigo and co. make brief appearances, bathroom sex, choking (he's sf romantic), a lot of cursing bc they're grown that's why, renji is a beast when he's jealous, reader is a lil bit of a brat but lbr who wouldn't be in that situation; mutual ""unrequited"" pining, lots of tension, fingering, rough (consensual) sex, lil bit of degradation, lil bit of a size kink, lil bit of praise kink, idk there's probably more stuff but i'm so tired rn i can't think; um renji obviously comes w his own gd warning; reader is determined to not let this man win but, hello, it's renji he always comes out on top wink wink. (if u see spelling errors/mistakes no u didn't hottie)

“when i write about all of this it becomes its own kind of violence. / i retell the story as myth, as if it were my own body devoured.” — caitlin scarano & “so much of love is violence. the desire / to be split open, invaded, mangled / and made new.” — erin slaughter

HATRED X TASTES X SWEET

you’ve never been cut out for this line of work, but your insistence on eliminating all your shortcomings is commendable. brave, even. it’s something you don’t really think about unless you want to spend the night half-drunk, rambling about the things you should’ve done but never had the courage to do.

like telling a certain red-haired, bullheaded lieutenant that he’s the most ridiculous and excessively arrogant man you’ve ever come across. all in all, you’re pretty sure telling him off won’t phase him; nothing ever does, not really anyway.

at first you try politeness; your grandmother would be proud of how well you’ve learned to bite your tongue. it’s ungraceful, but you fake it well enough that others think your emotional maturity is far above theirs. little do they know, you actually have to literally bite your tongue; simply remaining silent isn’t easy for you anymore. so, when you bite, it’s with rage, months of unshed tears and accumulated spite; you bite your tongue so hard you bleed more every time.

your unsaid words bunch together — tiny soldiers determined to strike in unison without fail — and sit heavily in the back of your throat, ready to launch forward at your command.

but you never say them, and you choke more than once; an unbearable shame to carry with you as he continues to slash at your patience, thin ribbons cascading off you like confetti. you wonder if your anger will lead to your death— or if it’ll lead to his. you intend to keep all of that hidden, though, and keep reminding yourself that eventually he will tire from berating you, from talking to you as if you’re the most incompetent being in all of soul society, from looking at you like your very being disgusts him.

that’s what you tell yourself these days. you like to conveniently ignore the way his dark eyes linger on yours during meetings — you’ve noticed that people have taken to describing them as soulless, cold and critical, unimpressed at everything and anyone.

but you see him — all of him; the raw, feral, powerful and severe side that not many have the misfortune of knowing. they think they get the real version of renji whenever they deal with him, but they never do; you know that now. you doubt it’s even intentional on his part, or maybe — just maybe — he really does hate you.

to put it plainly, as you’ve told rukia and rangiku, the sixth division lieutenant has the biggest fucking chip on his shoulder. despite the walls he continues to put up to keep others from carving out a place for themselves in his life, despite the way his words roll around his mouth, clumsily coasting down the length of his tongue before they pierce the air around you with their toxicity — you’re tired of the way he purposely singles you out time and time again to point out your inadequacies without remorse.

abarai renji is also sick of dealing with you. whenever he thinks he’s found a means of scaring you off, you scurry right back more determined and more obnoxious than ever. which is rich, coming from him.

he claims you’re inconsequential, a nuisance — a pest, even — one that he intends to get rid of permanently. it’s harsh and he’s more than aware of that, but he finds that this is the most appropriate solution to his problem. he could easily ignore you; he could try to keep his comments to himself and try to be somewhat cordial whenever you cross paths. but he won’t. and he has no damn idea why.

“no, no come in, i have plenty of snacks for everyone.”

rukia’s voice is a constant in his life that he’ll always be thankful for. he watches her glide into the room, grinning at the friends she’s invited over, her laughter like soft bells that is easily recognizable even with all the conversation happening. when he feels his chest constrict, an uncomfortable, yet familiar warmth stretching over his skin, he decides to drink so that he can ignore the sensation and forget.

a feeble attempt, because he knows how this will all end — with him drunk off his ass in an even worse mood than he started.

mouth opening, renji prepares to tell rukia to get better sake, when rangiku leads you into the living room where he’s lounging comfortably. the bottle in his hand grows heavier by the second and suddenly he’s not very interested in drinking anymore. already, his foul mood from earlier returns, and every step you take only fuels his irritation; it bubbles underneath his skin, making him frown and grip the bottle tighter.

you don’t need to look at him to know that he’s glaring at you — he always is. rangiku feigns obliviousness as she encourages you to go make yourself comfortable while she fetches snacks with rukia. you stare at both of them, wide-eyed, confused — a pleading look sliding onto your face after a few moments, but they assure you both that they’ll be back shortly.

with a sigh you sit on the armchair adjacent to him, determined to just remain quiet in the hopes that he’ll just ignore you for once. sitting up straight, discomfort finds its way to the pit of your stomach, swirling around as you fidget with the bracelet around your wrist. his eyes watch your movements with an obsessiveness that startles him; there’s no reason why he should be interested in the shape of your fingers, there’s no reason why he should be interested in the way you keep brushing stray curls away from your face, and there’s no reason why he should be interested in possibly fucking you when he knows for a fact that he is absolutely uninterested in you.

his disinterest runs so deep it spoils the taste of the sake, but he takes another swig anyway. the alcohol burns as it travels swiftly down his throat, and it just so happens that you glance over at him — innocuous, an attempt to gauge his annoyance level — as his throat bobs and your mouth dries at the sight.

you turn your face away quickly, a traitorous flush crawling slowly along your skin, unjustly warming your cheeks. inhaling deeply, you do your best to will the blush away to no avail. where the hell are rukia and rangiku? surely it can’t take that long to grab snacks. you’re tempted to go find them, but you have a sinking feeling that it would turn you into a coward.

and you refuse to give that man any more ammo against you.

IT’S X (NOT) X YOU

what initially starts as a small get-together, quickly turns into a party; leave it to rangiku to liven things up, her laughter infectious and whimsical, flitting about like a persistent hummingbird as she encourages everyone to play drinking games with her. experience taught him better than to engage because despite his high tolerance, there’s really no beating rangiku when she’s on a roll.

but when you emphatically agree to play with the rest, fury rises in his chest; your audacity, it seems, knows no bounds — and, yes, he understands the hypocrisy in his critique. he just doesn’t care.

the games are every bit as simple and ridiculous as you thought they’d be, but as everyone seems to be in relatively good spirits, you play along. not normally competitive with things like this, you get into the swing of things when you win round after round.

cheers resound nearby at your success, but throughout the evening, you feel renji’s stare and do everything in your power to not give in and look back at him. a tough feat to say the least, as you are always acutely aware of his presence; and when you do happen to sneak another glance, his legs are spread and you curse under your breath for finding that attractive.

foolish, you chide, so fucking foolish.

renji sucks his teeth as he feels a heaviness in his head; groaning loudly he swirls around what little sake he has left in his glass before finishing it.

“you lose again,” rukia’s voice is soft and teasing, but he’s annoyed and can’t be bothered with talking to her right now. she pats his shoulder gingerly before standing up to head to the kitchen. his mind is a mess and he blames you for it completely.

“i don’t fucking care,” he says gruffly to her retreating figure, not bothering to elevate his voice as he’s sure she heard him. and he really doesn’t care; he’s trying to tell himself to calm down, but he can’t.

the fault completely lies with you — of course it does, everything you do agitates every cell in his body. the reason is simple, and he hates that he doesn’t want to admit it — he’s so undeniably attracted to you that it pisses him off. he takes in your appearance for the twelfth time that night, admiring the softness of your cheeks, the fullness of your lips, the way you seem entirely too animated as you laugh at someone’s lame joke — and yes, he can tell it’s not funny from how your laughter dies down after a few seconds.

if he had better sense, he’d stop looking at you, but he can’t now; he might blame the sake for this later.

the intensity behind his gaze is enough to bring an inextinguishable heat along your skin. it’s only unpleasant because it travels down to your lower abdomen and brings about an agonizing ache between your thighs. at first, you do the sensible thing and ignore it; but the longer he stares, the more you want to look over, until finally you can’t take it anymore.

“i’ll be back,” you mumble to the other guests, although you doubt they hear you with how rowdy everyone is being; the noise isn’t unwelcomed, the distraction serves to mask your footsteps when you scurry from the living room to the back corridor, turning corner after corner until you find the bathroom.

a coward — that’s what you are.

you barricade yourself in there without thinking, heart pounding loud enough to disorient you. after several long minutes, you splash water on your face and take a few deep breaths.

“i can’t believe i ran away,” your voice is so soft you barely hear the words — almost as if you’re still in disbelief over the entire situation. there’s something off about renji tonight; the tension between you was more palatable and tangible than normal.

even though you feigned nonchalance as best as you could, there were so many moments where you couldn’t help but watch him too. pitiful. absolutely pitiful. there’s no excuse for it, and yet you struggle to find one anyway.

as you look at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you try to convince yourself to head back out there. sooner or later, people will realize that you’ve gone missing — and rangiku is nosy enough and like a bloodhound when she’s drunk. your time is incredibly limited now.

there’s no reason for you to continue to avoid the inevitable, so you sigh and give yourself a small pep talk before heading back outside.

TRUTH X OR X …

renji’s mood doesn’t improve at all; in fact, it worsens the moment ichigo sits right next to him. he’s not even sure why this sets him off, but even closing his eyes and counting backwards does nothing to keep him calm.

with slight difficulty, renji grits out, “what do you want?”

undeterred, ichigo stares at renji pointedly, voice steady as he says, “you could go after her, you know.”

again, renji sucks his teeth loudly, arms folded against his chest, right leg bouncing slightly as he taps his foot on the floor. punching ichigo would be pointless, and then rukia would get involved and he doesn’t have time to deal with the fallout from that so he keeps his hands to himself.

besides, his anger is obviously misdirected right now. he knows — he knows —but he doesn’t care, so he doesn’t mince his words when he responds with, “go after who?” through his peripheral, he can see ichigo’s patience has also reached its limit.

“you’re not that stupid, so stop acting like it.”

normally, renji would take the opportunity to mes s around and argue back and forth, but he might actually fight his friend if he doesn’t walk away. so, he does; abrupt and without looking back, footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor.

maybe he just needs to change his approach with you, maybe talking things out would work in his favor; or maybe he needs to fuck you hard enough to purge you from his mind.

he lies to himself when he considers the first option, because it’s the second option that drives him to walk a little faster, head full of impossible thoughts as he wonders just how far you’d let him go.

when renji finally finds you, you’re in the middle of rebuffing the advances of an unfamiliar guest — they’re drunk, handsy, and keep oscillating between giving you cheesy pick-up lines and berating you for rejecting them. but you stand firm, and your voice is relatively loud when you tell them, “for the last fucking time, go away.”

under normal circumstances, renji would let you handle this yourself; he has no desire to play prince charming or be a knight in shining armor. you’re more than capable, and he’s seen the way you fight and argue to defend yourself — but, it’s when they place a wandering hand on your hip that he loses sight of all of that.

a brief moment passes, where your blood boils as you contemplate how best to kick their ass, but you never get the chance. a rather large shadow hovers over you both, but you already know who it is without having to look properly.

renji is a force to be reckoned with on a good day, but he’s at his fucking limit right now.

he doesn’t ask, doesn’t give any options for retreat, doesn’t say a word when he yanks them off with a brute strength that surprises even you.

now, can he really be blamed for throwing them into the neighboring wall hard enough to make a noticeable hole? and is it really his fault that the drunk can hardly walk as they clutch their broken arm while murmuring something unintelligible, something that renji takes as a sign of them wanting a repeat demonstration?

consequences be damned, he gives the drunk a lethal look before they scramble away in fear.

“loser,” he says loud enough for them to hear, but they don’t double back or even try to go toe-to-toe with the hot-headed lieutenant. you watch, half-amused and half-impressed with the unnecessary machismo, but still, you know better than to chastise him right now, especially when your heart sputters out of control from his proximity.

“…thanks,” you say, a faint flush on your cheeks, voice soft, head fuzzy when you realize that renji — aka mr. “i’ll fight you on everything any day of the week unprovoked for no reason other than to drive you crazy” — saved you. unprompted at that.

you make the mistake of looking up at him, your nerves prompting you to take a small step back when you realize that the usual hostility that renji reserves for you specifically is nowhere to be found. in its place is something more unreadable — or, rather, you don’t want to read into it for fear of being wrong.

renji steps closer, which makes you back up again until your back hits the wall and you’re no longer able to escape.

“we need to talk,” he says suddenly, but you shake your head, non-verbally objecting to the idea, curls bouncing wildly with your exaggerated movements. since he knows he’s pressed for time, he grabs your face with his large hand and stops you from moving. “that wasn’t a request.”

swallowing rusty nails would be better than dealing with your conflicting feelings over renji right now, because he’s much too close to you and now you’re forgetting why it is you hate him in the first place. ironically, he’s in the exact same position. so far, he’s acted on impulse over you more times than he can count tonight, but he supposes that’s to be expected — you are a wildcard, after all.

“what if i don’t want to.” your response is clumsy, the words tumbling one after the other. “what if i want you to leave?” you don’t actually mean that, but you throw it at him anyway, to see if maybe this was all a fluke, and maybe, just maybe he’ll remember himself and you both can go back to fighting like usual.

he considers your question, goes so far as to release your face to wrap his hand around your throat instead. your sharp inhale and parted lips tell him all he needs to know.

with a slightly raised brow, he asks, “well, do you?”

because if you do, he’ll walk away right now. but he knows what your answer will be, he just has to drag it out of you. he squeezes your neck to remind you to hurry it up, and before you can answer him properly, he places his leg in between yours, pressing close enough that you roll your hips forward while whimpering softly.

he really didn’t think any of this through, but luckily the adrenaline from it all won’t wear off anytime soon, so he’ll improvise along the way. he spent most of the night dealing with a semi-hard cock that wouldn’t listen to reason no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about you. but now? all of that restraint goes out of the window, and before he can question it, he kisses you.

you’ve kissed plenty of people in your life — some good, most were mediocre and uninspiring — but renji actually takes your breath away. everything about him commands all your attention; from the way his lips move against yours greedily, leaving behind burning kisses that make your nipples harden underneath your clothes — to the way he thrusts his tongue in between your plush lips, licking inside of your mouth hotly, igniting an inextinguishable flame deep inside of you.

he grabs your hip with his free hand, squeezing hard, fingers digging firmly. all the irritation from earlier dissipates completely, leaving you feeling lightheaded and needy; you grind against him recklessly, arousal dampening the front of your panties, clit sensitive as it rubs against the delicate fabric. his cock presses against you — thick, long, and hard — and you wonder if this is why he’s so angry with you all the time.

was it always that simple?

if you asked the question aloud, he wouldn’t know what to tell you — it’s a combination of things, but mostly he’s an idiot; he knows that now, but likewise you’re an idiot too. you just don’t realize it yet.

it’s renji who pulls away first, lightly panting, breath warm against your lips as he releases his hold on your neck. he doesn’t know where he finds the strength to string together a coherent statement, but his voice is low and husky when he speaks. “answer my question.”

you blink at him, completely in a daze, lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “wh-what?” you don’t remember what he asked you, and you don’t care.

“do you want me to leave?”

for some reason, you completely forgot that you told him that. you rub your lips together and run your hands along his chest. “no.” the answer comes out automatically, without hesitation, and that’s all the encouragement he needs.

“good.”

SAY X IT X LOUDER

he picks you up with ease, almost as if you weigh nothing; a small squeal spills out of you as you wrap your legs around his waist, and renji gives you a sly smile — one laced with mischief and an unspoken promise of what’s to come.

you’re back in the bathroom again, this time sitting on the counter with renji standing in between your legs. his hands coast along your curvy hips and down your thighs. he’s touching you but he’s not touching you and it’s driving you crazy.

with hurried, eager hands you both undress, and for the umpteenth time you internally curse this style of uniform; still, it doesn’t take too long before his hands are on you again, calloused palms rough and warm against your skin. he places a kiss on your jaw, then another on your neck right underneath your earlobe; each kiss he leaves behind distorts your common sense, makes you feel irrational and impatient. your hands are soft and well-practiced, stroking his stiff cock as his hips jerk forward from your touch.

he can’t remember the last time someone had him this worked up, which pisses him off a little; because that means him fucking you once won’t settle things. at that thought, renji bites your neck and your startled yelp quickly morphs into a moan when he runs his tongue along the mark. he dips his hand in between your thighs, rubbing his thick fingers against your slit. a loud banging on the door has you looking over, and you can’t remember if he bothered to lock it once you both were inside.

your attention nearly falters, but when he pinches your clit you buck your hips, a shiver shooting down your spine at the slight pain.

“eyes on me,” is all he says, seemingly annoyed that you would dare to focus your attention elsewhere, “always keep them on me.” what he means by that, he doesn’t know, but you take the command at face value and nod while swallowing. he slides a finger inside of your wet pussy, and while you initially wanted to keep quiet to avoid suspicion and to prevent anyone from intruding, but you can’t now.

“renji,” you breathe, fingers trembling as you hold onto the counter for support, he thrusts his finger in and out, quick and hard, before inserting another. you clench around him, hips rocking forward as he fingerfucks you and grinds his palm against your clit. you close your eyes and moan louder than you mean to, chest heaving, thoughts jumbled and incoherent. he scissors his fingers inside of you, but quickly removes them without prompting.

“fuck!” you open your eyes again and stare at him in disbelief. “why did you stop?”

he laughs darkly and grabs your face roughly, fingers pressing into your soft skin without remorse. “what did i tell you earlier?” everything about this situation is laughable. he gave you very specific instructions, ones he thought were easy enough for you to follow. for some reason your movements are sluggish, mind in a haze as you scramble to remember but nothing comes to mind.

as you open and close your mouth, looking every bit as adorable as you are alluring, he decides to show you a bit of kindness.

“get down.” his command comes swift, his patience practically nonexistent; precum glides down the head of his thick cock, but he ignores it for the sake of teaching you a lesson. you don’t bother waiting for him to repeat himself and slide off the counter. “turn around.”

like a doll, your movements are dictated by renji with simple, short statements. nothing about that phases you, though; it’s all very exciting, so when you do turn to face the counter, you bend forward and lean over the counter. renji admires the roundness of your ass and slaps it hard.

again, you find yourself moaning loudly, without shame and not caring about the volume of your voice. surely the others won’t pay attention, as they’re still very drunk and are entertaining themselves with more games. another slap on your ass has you grabbing onto the counter again, legs shaking, arousal dripping between your thighs in anticipation. if renji doesn’t fuck you soon, you might actually die.

he knows he’s taking too damn long, but it’s much more interesting making you work for him. he rubs the tip of his cock against your puffy pussy, gliding it in between your slick folds, your moans sweetly wrapping around him once he pushes inside of you slowly. someone bangs on the door again, making you look over, anxiety quickly filling your head with unnecessary what ifs that almost command your full attention.

with narrowed eyes, renji grabs onto your hair, curls soft in his hand, and yanks hard.

“the fuck did i say earlier?”

goosebumps travel down your arms as a different kind of awareness and clarity surges through you quickly. you blink at your reflection, watching the way he towers over you, his muscles hard and defined — sculpted from years of training and dedication to honing his skills. it hits you then, what he’s really asking you.

“to,” you swallow thickly, throat dry, “to keep my eyes on you always.” you say it all in one breath, gasping when he runs his tongue along the curve of your ear. you don’t know how much more you can take, but you know if you complain, if you say anything he might stop altogether.

renji’s smile is wicked and dark, his lips graze your earlobe, voice deep and gravelly, a huskiness that wasn’t there before as he thrusts into you, burying his cock deeply.

“good girl.”

he refrains from kissing you properly, instead pushing you down so you can lean over the counter again. your mind melts from it all, and you’re panting, heart beating faster and faster as he firmly places a hand on your back.

“you’re squeezing me so tight,” he remarks thoughtfully, although you note the slight strain in his voice; as much as he tries to act like he’s not that affected by you, you know that isn’t the case at all. your pussy is every bit as enticing and heavenly as he knew it would be; he pulls back and slams his cock into you all over again, filling you completely. you try to keep watching him in the mirror, but he’s fucking you like he’s angry with himself for being so attracted to you.

and he absolutely is. it’s a truth he fought against for so long that he’s given up on denying it now. your moans drip onto his skin like caramel, sticky and sweet, and when you say his name like that — your voice going higher and higher from the ferocity of his thrusts — he nearly loses his mind.

“fuck,” he says out loud, grabbing your hip roughly, your wetness coating the length of his cock, “you’re taking me so well.” he knows you can’t really answer him, and he likes that; you’re beyond caring at this point, instead focusing on the way his cock reaches a spot that has you bouncing your ass and fucking yourself against him. normally, renji would play around and edge you in retaliation, but he’s too far gone, completely under the spell of your pretty pussy, with how soft and tight it is.

you’re not sure how you got here, but you’re drowning in ecstasy right now. he instructs you to lift your leg to rest it onto the counter, pulling out momentarily to help you position and spread your legs further apart. he plunges his cock into you again, keeping his hips closer as he gives you shorter, frenzied thrusts. your head spins and you can’t think straight, but that doesn’t matter. all you care about is the way renji is angling his hips, rolling them forward to pound into your cunt roughly, balls heavy as they smack against your ass.

“oh, oh, oh.” you swear your life flashes before your eyes, because something possesses him, his strokes shorter, brutal, and frenetic. drool slides down your chin, your voice hoarse from how loud you’ve been. you’re sure someone’s heard you by now, but you don’t care.

how can you?

with renji fucking you like this — merciless and possessive, fingers brusing your skin, almost as if he wants to make sure you’ll be as obsessed with him as he is with you — your common decency, your morals, everything that makes you you, they don’t exist.

all that’s left is this burning desire to let him have his way with you for as long as he wants. thankfully, you have enough sense to not admit that out loud; who knows what kind smugness you’ll be subjected to if renji knew.

but you’re pretty damn transparent about it, he can tell from the way you can’t stop clenching your pussy around his cock, from how your pussy makes loud, lewd squelching noises — ones that he’ll commit to memory so he can revisit them from time to time.

tears roll down your cheeks and you sob as you hold onto the counter as best as you can, back arching, hips rocking against him with a neediness you never knew you had. there’s a tightening in your stomach and your pulse skyrocketing as a flash of white practically blinds you. he watches the way your pussy keeps swallowing the length of his cock, and you finally fall over the edge, orgasm suffocating you with its intensity.

your cunt flutters around him, gummy walls soft and hypnotic, an addiction he never thought he’d have; breathing heavily, his muscles tense and renji groans something that suspiciously sounds like your name. the thought alone makes your face burn and warms your chest in a way that doesn’t make sense. and when he finally cums, he humps into you, cum thick and hot as it spills inside your pussy, mixing with your slick wetness. a completely messy affair, but he doesn’t care — it’s not his bathroom, after all.

legs trembling, you’re limp and incapable of movement, whimpering and whining until he finally pulls out of you.

renji runs a hand down his face, feeling spent but more than satisfied. suddenly his shoulders aren’t so tight and tense, and his mood is much more tolerable. you do your best to stand but almost fall — your legs are useless, turned to jelly because of the man behind you. he chuckles at that, then clears his throat once he realizes. he fully expected there to be a moment of awkwardness after, but it never comes. when he sees your face — lips bruised and swollen, face flushed, eyes glazed with a faraway look — he feels compelled to kiss you again. so, he does. it’s not sweet, nor is it tender, but it still makes your heart swell all the same. he holds you close as you wrap your arms around his neck, doing your best to keep standing, even though your legs are ready to give out.

you don’t know exactly what any of this means, but you do understand him a bit better now. he’s terrible with expressing himself, but you kind of like that about him; and maybe this isn’t the healthiest relationship, but life was uncertain and you’d take renji fucking you like it’s his last day alive over him openly hating you any day.

#it is done!!!! finally!!! i survived sora #fic request #bleach angst #bleach smut #bleach x reader #bleach x y/n #abarai renji x reader #abarai renji x y/n #abarai renji angst #abarai renji smut #renji x reader #renji x y/n #renji smut #renji angst #‘i can change him’ 🥴 #pls no i can't be SERIOUS #y/n continues to be braver than any u.s. marine #y/n sippin that clown girl juice over this man and ykw? me too. #my man my man my man ✧ 𓂃𓄹՞ഒ #anyway ily sora i had fun writing this i hope u have fun aka suffer reading

[clockworkcheetah]

not me coming here with an analysis on the 2x07 brotzly arguement that nobody wants. this kinda fell into me going and aNOTHER THING, but i'll try and keep it vaguely coherent

also these are just interpretations/theorising- they're just ideas to chew on. obviously i'm coming to todds defense a little bit here (lbr he gets the most flack for a scene where i dont think anyones to blame) and at the end of the day its just a bit of fun innit

firstly and the main take here:

dirk did not want to be comforted right then and there. sounds a little odd, right? when you're upset you expect someone to hug you and tell you everything's fine. well... not always. especially when you're angry. especially when you're someone who needs time to process everything. he didn't want to be touched- throughout s2 he flinches away from todd (2x03) and he often uses something to shield himself- a cushion/the filing cabinet (2x03 and 2x04). he also distances himself from everyone when obviously upset. aka he wants space. the point is, todd picked up on that. he isnt gonna try and give dirk a comfort hug because how well would that go down, really? also i will point out in that scene todd never does try and touch dirk- when he notices dirk's upset, he kneels down close and speaks softly, but doesn't go further. it's similar to other times- close, but doesn't touch- dirk actually puts the distance between them. compared to how beast is with dirk, how BW treats dirk too, and how miserable he is the entire time with unwanted touching.

what todd normally does- and what seems to have worked before, is words of encouragement- they inspire him! except... he didnt want todd's words of encouragement or pep talks this time. at that point they would be just empty words, completely meaningless. he very clearly wasn't in the state of mind where any of that would've helped to me, i think dirk just really needed to vent and rage and eventually cool off and be in a better enough mental state to actually talk it through. but it's entirely possible even then he wouldn't wanna talk to todd- he clearly has a lot of self-blame to what has happened to him, even if todd doesnt blame him for that. and thats not todd's fault for not knowing that (todd not knowing will come up alot). hes not a mind reader, he has other priorities, and todd's own mental state isn't exactly great in s2, either. (another reason that occured to me why dirk might not talk to todd even afer he had time to process is the simple fact that todd was there. he spoke to francis and beast about the events of either the spring or cardenas case. hell! he even unloaded onto hobbs within knowing him a few hours. yet with todd, he doesn't... he could've told todd about the timeloop, the spring case, ect, but he knew todd was going to be there. maybe i'm reaching but its interesting- and falls back onto dirk keeps todd at arm's length (this will also come up alot). might make another post on that specifically)

so lets talk about todd now. a lot of flack he gets is that he shouldn't have left dirk, his words were harsh and his frustration came out of nowhere

i've already dived into the leaving thing (although he didn't abandon dirk. i kind of hate that narrative- he didn't tie dirk to a tree in the middle of the woods and drive off) dirk didn't want to go, wasn't in the state of mind to go and todd had a motivation to go. todd didnt force dirk to come with- even though he very much wanted him to- and dirk didn't force todd to stay. (and amanda at this point was still his main priority- was this a good priority? no! his arc was learning to let her go. dirk wasn't todd's main focus throughout s2 and this isn't a revelation. dirk still mattered- todd didn't stop caring for dirk just because he went off on his own.) and yes maybe he should've indicated he was coming back more clearly, because like todd, dirk isn't a mind reader either (but i'll come back to the communication thing)

todd's words were harsh. they were, i'm not pretending they weren't and they're supposed to be, because the brotzmans tend to be harsh when angry. i'm not justifying, but i can think of reasons: 1. self-projection. pretty much all of todd's really angry moments (directed at patrick and dirk in 1x07 and also suzie in 2x10) you can tell he's talking about himself at the core of it. with 2x07, i'll admit this falls into fanon speculation, but this line: 'Friendship isn't just about someone being there for you. It about you being there for them too.' there's weight there. there's no way this was just said on a whim, imo. todd is friendless at the start of the show, and yeah his selfish choices fucked them all up- but i think people tried to be there for him, and he pushed them all away (and probably hates himself for that.) I don't think dirk's being selfish, but todd had a point in indicating people have been trying to help and dirk wasn't accepting it. from the audience's pov yeah, we know why. todd's pov? he's given speeches, coaxed dirk into talking to him, or to engage with the case (dirk's indicated plenty of times he's a detective and wants to do cases). he is trying in the friendship, but dirk keeps him at arms length. for todd this would eventually become frustrating. (once again, i'll come back to this) 2. the blackwing line. hoo boy. 'I'm sorry they didn't teach you that at Blackwing' like i said, i doubt this was suppose to be favourable to todd here. but, a thing to consider: he doesn't know how bad blackwing is. '"Blackwing," it's a defunct CIA program that's after Dirk.' (1x06) 'Well, they don't exactly let us just wander around the halls' (2x02) 'I was in a government prison for psychics.' (2x02) todd was def given a watered down version of BW. todd wouldn't have known dirk was small in there- he says he hasnt seen mona in 15 years, we dont know dirk's exact age, probably early-mid 30s, though. todd is likely imagining dirk to be late teens-early 20s- and no context to how long he was in there the first time. another thing is, dirk talks about BW in a particular way- with humour, he downplays the trauma, and plays up that ~he was in a psychic prison~ to impress people. so in todd's pov, BW almost sounds like a very strict school (like how teens describe school as a prison). of course dirk doesn't- and shouldn't- have to traumadump anything, but todd has a specific idea of BW that he's been holding to for two months with no corrections to it and no real context provided. to add to that, todd is woefully optimistic. all throughout s2 he was desperately holding onto hope for things to be what they were. at the end of s1 he seemed ok(ish) with letting amanda go, then he got her phonecall and he spiralled- to a near delusional degree, basically in denial with the idea things can never go back to what he wants- until amanda tells him that is reality. self-improvement isn't smooth and linear, so him reverting isn't too shocking nor is it ooc of him. he needed to be called out and he was.

his frustration came out of nowhere. no it didn't. won't lie i'm not entirely sure how to word this one without being really blunt, but it very much was building up, dirk wasn't making it easy. ultimately i think there was some compassion fatigue- he had been trying to motivate and encourage dirk throughout s2- this wasn't a one-off time, at some point it was going to wear thin. todd has finite patience- but he did try. not to mention, todd never got openly angry with dirk in that scene, he stays relatively calm. the only time the frustration really came out was at the end, when he realised dirk wasn't coming with. also the whole yet again, dirk keeping todd at a distance thing. eventually that distrust is also going to wear todd out.

next thing, priest. todd's not stupid i mean he is but sometimes he's smart he would've picked up that priest did something to dirk- nobody knows what specifically, but there's obviously something. the only info we get (from todd's pov) is:

'-that man, Mr. Priest, I've met him before, Todd. He kills people.'

couple things to take from this: - 'i've met him before' suggests they didn't interact all that often- it sounds like they met once and a lot can happen in one meeting, of course. could be dirk downplaying his trauma again, pretending priest wasn't his childhood monster, or that he's in denial that priest did something really bad to him. but we don't know! todd isn't going to know that either - the 'he kills people' line doesn't really hold much weight for todd. how many people does he know who kill people? quite a lot at this point. priest is just another guy on the long list of guys who kill people- he doesn't know much more than that.

something else i picked up on is this scene parallels quite well with 1x01. aka dirk givig a motivational speech and todd responds with: 'No. You know what, no, I don't want to hear all that from you right now.' whilst dirk never directly says he doesn't want to hear what todd had to say in 2x07, it certainly read like he didn't want to. maybe todd recognised that (the whole self-projection thing) and decided to back-off. yeah, he was bitchy about it, but giving breathing room isn't bad and honestly? seemed like the smartest move in the heat of the moment- the whole dirk wants space when upset. not too mention, todd 100% knew what dirk was doing- pushing people away, trying to make todd hate him- see him as a bad person who hurts people, because todd does the same thing. tbh that's probably why todd got bitchy with his response- he likely saw through it and the brotzmans when they sense shit aren't gonna be that soft in their replies

i think that's all the main things i noticed about that scene. but i have a few smaller ones that link back to previous points:

dirk is dismissive, keeping todd at arm's length- he is in s1 (brushing away todd's questions) and moreso in s2 (the wet circles, not wanting todd to be in the house within a house with him,ect). the constant dismissal is going to start becoming discouraging. how is todd supposed to help someone who wants help but also doesn't want help? plus todd wants to help dirk! finding amanda is his main priority, yes. but he is down to be his assistant

todd knows dirk cares for him- doesn't know just how much- but being told that to dirk 'he's just a guy whose life he ruined' we can 1. add a big old dose of guilt on todd's end, and 2. that probably feels like a slap to the face, even if todd likely knows dirk did that on purpose. (also a smaller detail, that admittedly might be reaching a bit, during dirk's rant he mentions that '-And then I end up alone!' despite the fact todd hadn't actually left yet, hadn't given any indication that he has given up on dirk. but it reads as dirk rejecting todd already)

they don't actually know eachother that well. one week, then a two month gap, then s2 was around a week long. they absolutely haven't worked their footing out yet.

to add to that- their communication sucks. especially dirk tbh. he probably was keeping todd at arm's length in a misguided way of protecting him. and tbh i don't think dirk was ready to let todd in yet. this is nobody's fault- todd wanting to be let in, and dirk shutting him out. this could be a sperate post but i think the 2x08 rescue, and the 'don't spin out' in 2x09 was dirk finally letting todd in.

self-recognition through the other. or todd seeing himself in dirk (but not in the sexy way) the way dirk was talking, even the words he was saying, his attitude, his anger... todd's been there. and who does todd hate most of all?

todd put all his faith in dirk. granted, this is todd's own undoing and nothing dirk could've done. but dirk quitting being a detective maybe have been a reason why todd got mean. at this point todd's got no money, no job, no home, no purpose. dirk gave him a purpose that he threw away right in front of him. however, to consider- todd didn't lose faith in dirk. despite the anger and the words said, todd had total faith dirk will work it out. and he did. (this comes back to my thoughts on 2x08/2x09, so i won't delve into them here)

that's all i got for now. it's very easy to fall down a rabbit hole with this scene and these characters. and i can easily do a follow-up on this because i've def missed things. but this is getting so long. ultimately, i don't think either was in the right headspace in that scene- they had differing motivations. and neither was the villain for that.

tldr: messy situation between two messy people is messy on both ends

#theres so much else to say and analyse but this is getting long #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #todd brotzman #dirk gently #brotzly #gentlyman #dghda meta #dirk stans... promise youll be chill yeah? #im not slighting dirk but ive been in the fandom long enough to notice how dirks treated sometimes by his stans #i apologise if i come across blunt/mean but i am tired of the common narrative of this scene #dghda 2x07

[fymagnificentwomcn]

I still have plenty to say on the topic, so bear with me, the original link is here, it would be too much there I think.

Anyway thank you Sol @palaceoftears for these tags that succinctly sum up the main point of the original post, let's bring them as starting point here:

#joanna you ate this!!! missed reading you#truly love how deeply you analyzed that confronting suleyman IS confronting the system!#also the freeing aspect because like freedom doesn't have to mean happiness?#yes ofc hurrem wouldn't be happy knowing ultimately suleyman didn't love her & her children over himself#but it's still freeing to not live yout whole life brainwashed lol?#like I never get how ppl that loves her watch her going from 'i'll kill the sultan' & 'don't treat us as animals' to dependant on suleyman#and just go 'happy ending :D' about it#mahidevran sultan#hurrem sultan#sultan suleiman#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil

You know how much I dislike Surrem, but I absolutely get people shipping it without getting it like "happy in love" (huge kudos to my sis Tisha) since it's an extremely complicated, mutually toxic relationship, while yes they do love each other at same time. But they are both each other's heaven and hell simultaneously throughout the whole show, with Hürrem being in worse position due to power imbalance. Power imbalance that never fully goes away. He might also be dependent on her in emotional way since he himself comes to belief she is the only person who would never betray him (because she truly had least benefit in it). Don't be fooled though, if she had e.g. crowned Bayezid in S3 as Sah intended, he would have shown her no mercy. /I once mentioned a bit about them, also historically here./

And LBR she got mistreated by him (please, he told her to kill herself for him, and the goal was not to determine whether she had poisoned Mustafa truly) multiple times before S4, it was only because of the topic covered I mentioned S4 stuff, especially related to how he screwed her kids.

People think of stuff in "tangible" categories and why stuff like mere "awareness" (without leading a revolution or whatever lol) seems to have little meaning.

Which is again one of the main themes of the show - to give voice also to those who lost and as such do not have the "but we won, we were happy, we lived" defence always acting for them. Bah, even controversies or discussions surrounding them. They are losers, not even worthy to talk about, and put on sidelines. We often discuss what motivated the "big figures" who got to become rulers, even if we do not approve of their actions or criticize them. Rarely we talk about "losers". Which is what Mustafa's letter stressed - people will deem me as traitor, while your name will be written in golden letters because of all your victories. This alone will make your name remembered. And even considering that Mustafa was lucky in that people generally did not believe him to be a traitor, with Bayezid it was much harder because yeah he did openly rebel and it's not something we can deny. But some jump to conclusions like 'he was insolent and one day decided to rebel for no reason' (yes, I've seen such takes) is very simplistic. I do not even approve of a lot of his actions there since while I get his anger at Suly and Selim I hate how he involves plenty of soldiers in a fight without a chance to succeed as long as Suly ass lives, but damn takes like above truly erase what brought him to such point. Because he was the prince with bigger support at that time. He could have waited for his father to die soon and easily taken the throne. /And historically - yes if you actually dig up sources, he didn't wake up and decide to attack innocent cookie pacifist Selim lol/. Show! Bayezid telling Defne that he would be labelled as a "rebellious prince" for future generations with obvious evidence backing it up means a lot because even though he IS one, there is so much more to this story and what bought him to this point, starting from his father's attitude to him since he was a kid.

And damn I do need to stress the need for the critical approach to SOW (which does not preclude stanning the characters/getting interested in historical figures ofc)? Maybe not here, but I still see TikTok shit on “The big 5” introducing feminism to Ottoman harem. There is no revolution we can talk of in any case, but truly, where is feminism involved in Haseki institution? It only privileges one woman over others. The others are still required to serve them, which is why we had the Hürrem/Gülnihal and Nurbanu/Valeria stories. And what it ties with what Sol says once Hürrem tries to kill Gülnihal - her parents' ghosts appearing to tell her It's not revenge. It's not what you promised us. Meanwhile, the men are still in power, with a person like Suleiman having unlimited agency. More.. the man selects the woman he gives those privileges too. And even if he grants her freedom (if HE pleases so), it has little actual effect because we all know she is still forbidden to leave him and would have lost her kids anyway if she had done so. Thus said, the moment when show Hürrem slams the door to Sulyass' stupid face is one of my fave Surrem moments without a doubt and one of fave H moments in general ahsmshs. / BTW One day I will finally talk how Westerners focus more on say legal marriage when it that system having multiple sons was more ground-breaking because even free brides from noble families who did not have children had little power and agency. /

There is plenty of irony involved, just as Mahi finally freeing herself from attachment to Suly once he rejects her freedom to which he is entitled by the System. Bah, only he has the power to do so regarding his women. It's all only at his own discretion.

It is precisely what I also mean by "taboo-breaking" and the questioning Mahi does of Suleiman and the way he (as Sultanate) operates. In that world mere questioning could break the taboo. We do not know what future lay ahead for anyone, but damn what he kept doing was neither just nor wise according to the very norms of the times themselves. Yes, Mustafa was the most promising and fitting candidate for the throne and he did not betray his father, so Suleiman removing him from "open succession" was not even why this method of succession had been established in the first place and demanded from princes assembling their own support, also ensuring that he would be easily accepted to prevent discord and rebellions. Mustafa did it too well, the horror. And that him wanting to do something (also as he himself stated, since he got privilege of being the prince and be able to rule, he should not sit idly, but use it for good purpose and the people) only brought him troubles because of Suly ass own ego only shows again the problems with this system and being centered on one person so much. Suleiman violated a lot for his own agenda, centered around himself, not the future of the state. This is what Mahi is criticizing and stating it to his face when he tried to paint his son as a traitor to present himself as just and acting for the state IS taboo-breaking in itself. Asking the question instead of dismissing it all as "fate", as Mihrimah tried.

Mahidevran tries to awake Mihri, who while rich and "still in power play", is very similar to her in many ways (also with the one big sin that has weighted on them silently). They all lost. Even Selim. Getting Mihri's brother (Hürrem's son) on the throne did not mean triumph and happiness for her. Heck, even Selim is a walking wreck. It's not even about sides because SS truly managed to destroy everyone's lives, not only one side's, so in the end it's not even favoritism. All for him to go with his beautiful words, a show-off victory, and his beloved throne (while saying something else in his monologue). Mahi telling Mihri to stop holding her father blameless IS the moment making someone else's eyes open and maybe do not let actively go for something that will not help anyone out at this point, like causing discord between Selim and his son. These are small things that are important for the theme and how mental freedom is also of value. Same with awareness. Nobody expects revolution or claims something. And we are at a particular point when Mahi already lost Mustafa and says it already in the context with him gone. She won't resurrect him with her words ofc LOL. And Mahi truly didn't have to do this, just take popcorn and look at Hürrem's kids & other descendants fighting even more.

You can precisely see when SS decides how to dispose of Bayezid when Mihri says she will never forgive him and will be dead to him if he executes her brother. The lightbulb over his head in this moment lol. So her continuing to hold him blameless, while putting everything on Selim and Nurbanu is buying his shit and rules of the Sultanate. Mihri might have power, so she can stir things up in attempt to still "win", but.. they all lost. Her acceptance of it and stating it out loud before leaving Topkapi again has meaning. One might continue to have power and live in palace (unlike Mahi), but they all lost anyway. Mere meddling that can cause only chaos to still try to win is meaningless and can ony be harmful. As such, Mahi's words can have at least some impact.

Mahi and fate as Sol's post with Plami's commentary also has this delicious tidbit with mirror - most likely Hürrem would have never ceased to hunt down Mustafa after Mehmed's death because she had decided on eliminating him long before that and kept carrying out the plan via concrete & repeated actions. However, Mahi still questions herself on that because she can never know. And even if it changed nothing, it still tormented her and polluted her conscience. Because culpability is still there, regardless of "system" and circumstances" and whether it has any tangible effect or not. Same with Selim still being culpable even though SS wanted Bayezid executed. He still chose to do so anyway. Bah, he is actually very self-conscious and states clearly that he won because unlike the others he was able to kill his brother.

Similarly, Mustafa, Cihangir, and Bayezid also made their choices. Mustafa could have axed Suleiman and it would have been hard to blame him for this in the situation it boilt down to. Actually, he was the one with biggest support at that moment, so rules of the Sultanate definitely allowed him to dispose of an aging ruler who began making a multitude of mistakes. He had the biggest power at his disposal if he wanted to. Moreover, Musti also chose to invite the member of the opposition faction because she was his sister, despite said sister openly declaring her standing on the opposite side and speaking to him "with her mother's words" last time they met. Once more, instead of rules of Sultanate and how the system expected him to act, he chose familial bonds.

Then again, Bayezid did have Selim on his knees in front of him and chose not to kill Selim, despite Selim never promising him any change or begging for mercy.

They both died, but they also could have chosen differently and compromised their conscience and values in the process.

Yet the opposite choice to adhere to the Darwinist rules and get the throne at any cost is not something mechanic that promises happiness or safety, either. Actually, it can make you painfully blind. We see Hürrem deciding blood will be spilled only of her enemies once she learns her son is going to end up on the throne. When she meets with the witch after Mustafa is dead and the throne for one of her sons IS a certain thing.. it's not what she wanted to hear, starting from her own imminent demise from natural causes. Same with her trust in the "human face" of the Sultanate aka Suly ass:

The "right, sultana?" is an ironic call-back to the beginning of the episode when she uses same words about Suly's power to exclude herself from the matter of Mustafa's death.

Also let us note the use of the word "destiny"😱 .

Also, Hürrem did not come back to ponder her preceding conversation with the witch earlier, as she had another proof of herself not interpreting it correctly - when she assumed Nazenin's baby would be the one the witch predicated as the Sultan. Nurbanu was after all pregnant with Murad at the same time.. so no, the witch was not mistaken, Hürrem was simply so caught up in her own vision of how it would go (also with Baye taking the throne) or assumed the witch to be mistaken, so she didn't notice it was about her grandson.

Another interesting thing is that the witch also predicts Mihrimah's future and that while her physical illness will pass soon, the spiritual pain will soon start and persist.

Because even if we "win" in that we survive, it does not need to bring happiness with it. At all.

It doesn't work like this either (Mihri talks about sacrifing Musti and Cih), while we are at it. There are no simple mechanisms like that! And how Mihri adopts her mother stance and calls her out that only one of her sons can survive according to the Darwinist rules (which is also what Rüstem advocates in any circumstances, only for him there is no support for Bayezid really... any can go) is just irony at its finest, and it stems also from her feeling of guilt - I already tainted my conscience and went again familial bonds, so let it at least mean victory for my favourite brother. She is now quick to accept one of them will die, she just wants to ensure it's not Bayezid.

Another of Hürrem's children that do adopt her "survival no matter the cost" agenda (and no, it's hard going for that to "pacifism" agenda shortly after getting what you wanted), and to a bigger extent, is Selim obviously.. Selim states to Bayezid that he will live because he is capable of killing his brother for his own survival. But we know what sort of life this is (and that he won't live long from history). He might later quote his mother to Mihrimah and convince himself that since nobody is innocent under this dome, so only the deserving win, but outside that, he does call himself a "brother killer" and does consider it a burden. /And Selim being his mother's son is another fascinating topic, since he was like.. her least fave and yet he is the one most alike her and who most absorbed her views and agenda.. to later emerge as sort-of third unexpected faction /.

Neither Mihrimah nor Selim ever found peace after adhering to the System's rules of fratricide. Bah, they cannot even be a family again as the only surviving members.. instead they openly accuse each other of being brother killers. Judging by history, they will eventually learn to co-operate, but nothing will be the same ever again. There is no moral victory in it for sure. Selim does not claim it any point. Actually, he is the one to point out that: We all lost. Innocence died and nothing will be as before. We can accuse Selim of many things, but he is a pretty self-conscious character indeed.

The others might be dead, but they did adhere to their principles and values due to choice.

The power of reflection or questioning is also tied to to the concept of choice as what makes us a human. MC never promises us happy ending (how it could, we all know the ending point), but the mere presentation of choice, of humans trying to create something positive, like Mustafa, Bayezid, and Cihangir deciding not to fight against each other as expected, is meaningful.

Instead we got nobody truly winning or benefitting from what happened LBR. It cannot get worse than that, really.

The whole issue again reflects what I said earlier in that post on how Erdogan historical propaganda works. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but there is no questioning at all. Instead we have normalization of violence and presenting it as something necessary, and that there is no choice or alternative to what happened. The sultan killed his brothers, but he had to. It was necessary, it was automatic. There is even no person behind it, but a robot always doing the right (even if brutal) choice because "it was like that".

And to some up the great ironies of life, we can remember that Mahi who lost it all... survived them all, so she won the Darwinist game in the end despite being rejected by System multiple times:

#all the ironies of life indeed #'the strongest survive and win' #as if #regarding everything in this statement #the topic of free choice vs system vs fate is soo fascinating in MC #Maybe will talk even more on the topic #let's see #mods opinions #meta

[cookinguptales]

There's been a lot of talk about the significance of how Guillermo was super impressed by the dowry, but im obsessed with the detail before that: Nandor is showing off his secret treasure that he'd kept hidden from everyone...until Guillermo somehow showed himself in even though the door was LOCKED. The treasure is Nandor's true Self behind his exterior aloofness/difficult-ness and the secret room is his Cold Dead Heart!!!! How did you get in there, indeed, Guillermo? I go insane every time I think about it. They really just casually put that revealing metaphor in there. Love to hear your thoughts

Honestly, both are details that I've thought a lot about.

First of all, the dowry. I feel like the dowry could go in a lot of directions, honestly. It was obviously a way to get the Djinn into the plot, but I feel like there's got to be more than just that. There was what Nandor said about modern women not being impressed by his dowry, cut directly to Guillermo being like WOW. You also kind of have to wonder where Marwa stands on the dowry that she's now apparently getting. Does she know about it? Is it something that she's been aiming for specifically? Would she prefer to take the money and just go to fucking NYU or something?

All that said, I also think it's very funny that like... Nandor... may not understand what a dowry is... Like the husband isn't supposed to give it to the wife, lmao. Typically, a dowry is paid by the bride's family to the husband, usually to provide stability and protection to their daughter as she enters into a new household. The one big exception is that a husband does give his wife a dowry... when he divorces her. That's when a husband pays a dowry; it's kind of like a form of alimony.

Foreshadowing...? Who knows.

It does also make me wonder if the dowry is going to get given away eventually in the show... I have some half-formed thoughts there, but I'll keep them to myself for now...

Now, for what you were actually asking about! I think the metaphor is so much fun and it also pinged me immediately. I think you're right to point out how easily Guillermo passed into Nandor's "locked room", so to speak. I'd also like to add that Guillermo got into this room that Nandor still thought was locked. It's unclear whether Nandor forgot to lock the door behind him or if Guillermo picked the lock, but either way, Nandor was surprised to find that Guillermo had already made his way inside.

I... don't think I have to explain to you why that's meaningful. I think that Nandor's bewildered to be realizing both this season and the last how much Guillermo has already wormed his way past his defenses. It's not just that Guillermo has gotten into a place that Nandor hasn't allowed anyone else to visit; it's that Nandor didn't even realize he was doing it. He has no defenses that can stand up to Guillermo, not anymore, and I think he's finally starting to realize that. Guillermo knows him too well. He can pick any lock that Nandor sets in front of him -- or maybe Nandor is starting to subconsciously neglect to lock them.

Does he want Guillermo to come in and he just can't admit that to himself yet? Or is Guillermo just a force of nature that can no longer be denied? Either way, what was initially an uncomfortable situation for Nandor seems to have gotten ironed out and he's quite comfortable sharing his treasure with Guillermo now. (See also: giving himself away as a gift vs. collaboration, communication, discussing options, and sharing the treasure.)

Plus, as for the Djinn... We have a priceless treasure here deep within Nandor that he didn't know how to use. Guillermo has had to help him every step of the way. Rubbing it, wishing properly, etc. And I think that probably extends to this idea of Guillermo helping Nandor realize parts of his own personality that he's never fully understood. He's helping him grow as a person, which is something that, lbr, Nandor desperately needs.

I mentioned before how interesting it was that they had Guillermo standing up above Nandor while they were figuring out how to use the lamp, putting him on a higher level than Nandor and forcing him to look up at him as they spoke, perhaps for the first time. The dynamics inside Nandor's innermost chamber are changing. :')

I am actually curious to see how far they push this metaphor, but so far it's really fun to talk about! I'll keep thinking about it and I hope you do, too. haha

#replies #wwdits #nandermo #wwdits s4 spoilers #don't get me fucking STARTED on metaphors fam

[littleladymab]

FebruarOC - Beryl

today we're talking about Beryl Dawn from my affectionately nicknamed "07 Nano" project that I think i've posted about on here before. (I went checking and what the hell I FORGOT I EVEN DID A SECOND DRAFT OF THE BEGINNING) And as a treat for me, I've picked the others of the main quartet for their respective letters for this month. 

Beryl (like Ren) was one of the founding characters for this project after I took a short story I (started to, lbr, it wasn't finished) write about a boy being tasked to go bring back a girl that was kidnapped. Which sounds very, "huh??" when put that way. And as I've talked about before, I've got "city dwellers" and "hill folk" and a super basic-level dichotomy set up between the cultures that at the time I thought was good world building but i know enough now to say "girl that ain't it" at my past self. 

In this setting, there is a swathe of land that's sort of a no-man's land. The Hill Folk are cut off from their elements/gods and the City Dwellers think that it is too wild. It is, for all intents and purposes, a demon grave yard. What are these demons? Pft don't ask me I never explained it. I don't think I even had an inkling kicking around in my head. 

But there was one from the City Dwellers that would go and dig up the graves of demons and using their bones to carve masks and he gave them to people and they got the nick-name Grave Robbers. Now this, unfortunately, is knowledge that was lost to time before I'm pretty sure I had an idea of what Cantur was up to and what the Deacon was for (more on that in Sam's post later this month), but for the life of me I can't remember, and I didn't write any external notes (or any that survived like three laptop crashes). So I can't tell you anything about that. 

Beryl was taken when she was super young and given a Raven mask. Upon donning the mask, the Grave Robber is robbed (badum tss) of their memories and they become a semi-host for the spirit in the mask. She lived as Raven for a few years until Ren Hari showed up and said he'd come to bring her back to the Hill Folk and if she would be so kind as to go with him that would be great. 

As for the Hill Folk lore, the culture is divided into four seasons and each season is divided into two elements. Beryl is a Spring Water cleric (I don't know why I called them clerics probably too much Forgotten Realms/Dragonlance). I went a step further because i'm an Extra Bitch(tm) and I like forbidden romances and I made her and Ky (you'll see her later too) part of a division of "nymphs" which is an all female-division of their Spring element (Wood and Water) and they were extra forbidden from falling in love/being with a man (note: I didn't take queer anything into consideration, which would change in a rewrite)

Now, Beryl-as-Raven was considered a Fallen in the eyes of the Hill Folk elders because, strictly by their rules she "turned her back on her goddess" (we can't get too deep into it now this is just an intro to the character). Technically they would have let her remain as a City Dweller except the priestess of the Spring Water Nymphs had a vision and that means that the goddess hadn't completely given Beryl up for lost. So they sent Ren to get her (I'll talk more about that on his post). 

However once they get back, before they can review Beryl's case, a massive uprising of Fallen/discontent Hill Folk/City Dwellers doing something idk attack the main establishment of the Hill Folk and everything falls into chaos. 

So by the rules, Beryl is still a Fallen because they never could revoke her status, even though she has returned to them and has gained favor from her goddess to use her magic again. 

She and Ren use this loophole to carry out a relationship because, if things ever settle and they fully review her case and revoke the Fallen status, then she will be fully reinstated as a Spring Water Nymph and that will be BAD NEWS BEARS for Ren, who could be severely punished for being intimate with her. 

Now which of these rules and practices will I carry over? Fuck if I know, this isn't the time to figure that out. For now, enjoy this conversation between Beryl and Ren when she agrees to go back with him.

#februaroc #a lil miss original #lil miss writings #07 nano

[zumpietoo]

Next: The Wedding.....

AKA something that has them just beyond pressed, cuz fully reflects how integrated Ari is....and that it's something PP was never involved in (and still seemingly isn't with Sweatboi's fam)....Plus, OFC.....hints we could well soon have a Cari engagement/wedding, as well.

Oh there are ninety billion posts of "oh hahaha look how hideous Dylan looks", cuz he's grainy and growing his hair for a role---that I'll be skipping. Dudes, Dylan just posted himself mere days ago, lookin' scrumptious....it's a bad, weird video. Deal with it.

Umm.....why is this funny? They've been together for like 2/3 years, now, right? And have been living together for awhile (each sold their house and they bought one together), they've considered her kids their little sibs for awhile, etc....seems like a perfectly natural progression to me.....

Actually? That's a pretty short time frame to plan another, bigger one, in the US/plus maybe they had shit to do?.....and likely they didn't want to encroach on Matt and Lindsey....you know, cuz they aren't trash....plus, LBR....even if Dylbabs had no $$$ for it, Cole would happily pay if they needed him to do so....

Why are you talking about your family, Silly/janASS?

Have you looked at PP recently???? Or even not recently? (BTW, this is about to become a recurring theme....)

How/what's remotely "thirsty"? They're at their dad's wedding and they're happy for him. WTF???

A) yes it's possible to have a "type"

B) the woman he divorced decades ago?

C) Umm.....have you checked out Cabana Pee recently???

She's including her nu daughter-in-law and future daughter-in-law because she's nice and friendly. I guess then you must hate the Rs for when they'd include their daughters' SOs in family shit, as well, huh? Not sure how making a family occasion a family occasion is a bad thing.

And while she, most assuredly, did have her own friends there, umm....again, have you checked out your kween recently? She absolutely seems to "have no friends".....and her attempts to get her former castmates to be friends with her SO failed, so have his attempts for his friends to be chummy with her....

Tho, as we all know.....they all already hated her.

Dude, if you're gonna pick shit to pick at, pick shit where you don't look shittier....

I'm gonna have to make just this narrative a two parter, coming up....

[f0point5]

Sorry for the raw "comments", rants, ramblings lately, I'm away on vacation and need to pick my moments 😆

I saw someone saying he/she is becoming a y/n hater. I do not feel the same. But that was exactly one of those situations where I don't get her and her acting horny af. Also with her messages to Max... Like wdym girl? Pick a battle... I know she's joking around, but she's so unrestrained in every way, I really can't blame Max for reacting the way he does with her. And I know you defended her and Elliot's not her boyfriend and whatever, but she's seeing him, dating him if you want. And lbr here... I don't believe for a second that she'd stop her antics if they actually were together. She's doing what she wants, how she wants it, with whom she wants. And as much as I respect that from a self-love kinda view, it can definitely make her look a little arrogant. Right now it feels like she is indeed cherry picking.

And about her texts with Lily... did we see her message Lily before? I'm not sure tbh. At least not sure if there were topics like this one... I didn't see too many asks about it either. Like how? Am I the only one who didn't really get it? Also with the rabbit hole and all? What was she talking about? I need answers. 🤣

About those reasons of Max not making any moves... you wanted me to have a guess. I'm working on it. And I think I'll come up with sth once I'm back home again. 😁

Firstly, I hope your vacation is going well!

Tbf, I’ve bantered similarly with male friends while we’re both in relationships, as long as you both know there’s never a remote chance of it happening I think it’s not that deep. Though whether that’s the case with her and Max is debatable.

I do think going on only four dates with someone puts you in a range where your don’t have to start putting boundaries in your life for them. Of course you could if you wanted to, if you liked them that much, but she said to her mum, it’s a slow burner, she’s just spending time with him right now, I don’t think she likes or thinks about him enough to consider what she tweets about yet. I think if they were a proper couple she’d mess about less on Twitter, because at the end of the day I don’t think she’s the type of person to casually humiliate her bf like that, or bring that kind of negative attention to herself and Max. Obviously she is now a little bit but not to the extent that she’s seeing it, and also she could always clarify her relationship status if she wants to. But I think if she was in a relationship we wouldn’t see her tweeting like she does.

Lol Y/N thinks life is Burger King and she can have everything her way. I plan to explore this more.

We have seen her texting Lily a couple of times. They texted once about how “benefits” make up for the drawbacks of being a wag haha, they banter.

Ahahaha you are not meant to know which rabbit hole she fell down while on a break from padel.

Good luck with your guessing and enjoy your vaycay!

[invinciblerodent]

For the "Get to know the OC asks", with Arvid: 5 and 9?

Aw, thank you! ❤️ (I've not been able to play for a few days and I've been thinking a lot about him, so have a phone-typed rant ❤️)

(after my new PC gets here, I'll definitely make Iona and Petyr as well. Really excited about them, and about finishing- and then replaying this guy, with better screenshots and maybe even gifs ❤️❤️❤️❤️)

(btw, I think I'll age him up from 35 to 45-50, just because I think it fits better, and as a dwarf, it doesn't affect his appearance lol.)

5. Does your OC have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they train to master it?

So as a cleric of Tempus who was essentially born into the role, he's been training pretty much his entire life- just about since he could first pick up a weapon. And while he's comfortable with a number of styles (martial weapons, heavy armor), as it is for many clerics, his weapon of choice is the mace and shield. (To the tune of "Juke Box Heroes", Blunt! Force! Trau-maa!)

Lbr, there's no real use to a frontline healer if they can't stay alive themselves, so his "style" is kind of... dressing up as a can of baked beans, and dancing on that delicate edge between attracting enemy attention to himself, AND avoiding getting actually hit if possible- which is something he mastered first through rigorous training, and later in battle. Mainly focusing on melee, and a select handful of offensive spells over the general cleric stuff.

I don't really... well, care if the official lore supports this, but I personally view the clerics of Tempus (a neutral war god, no real values associated with the morality beyond the inherent virtue in battle) as almost a mercenary-like order, so before moving to Baldur's Gate (about a year ago) and before the nautiloid, Arvid took part in his fair share of battles: mainly doing things like aiding local militia in defense against raiders, answering to lords' requests of aid in minor clashes against other lords, etc. So because of the short reach of his rural monastery, very often he and his handful of brothers were the only healers/spellcasters, AND sometimes the only trained combatants on the field, which led them to doing the brunt of the heavy lifting, which definitely contributed to his "let me lead this ragtag band" vibe. He's used to taking charge and acting as a kind of almost-general on the field.

9. Is your OC laid back or do they thrive on drama? What role do they play in their group of friends/associates?

Oh, he's definitely the laid-back camp dad. He listens to problems, gives the best advice he can if asked (18 Wis, babyyyyy), allocates their money... in conflicts among the companions, he often gets dragged into being the arbitrator. That's not really a role he likes, but... well, he just has one of those trustworthy faces, and over the months, I think they just grew to accept and count on that he's understanding and fair to a fault.

I have Shadowheart specced more towards damage output than healing too, so even just out of necessity, everyone comes to Arvid with their cuts and bruises, and he patiently tends to every wound, sore throat, and sprained ligament. It's what he likes doing the most anyway- he just likes caring for people.

.... Which is why I hc that if he survives the plot intact, he'll open a free clinic after moving to Waterdeep. He never really talks about it, and it wasn't really the intent to be that anyway, he's just the healer those who aren't that preoccupied with station (or those with more embarrassing problems) started seeking out, for his discretion and excellent bedside manner lol. (He has treated so many venereal diseases. Of the most exciting, exotic varieties. Sometimes the reason he doesn't ask many questions is that he doesn't even want to know.)

#oc: arvid trygg #ill replace the general #tag with this later #squirrel plays bg3

[lynne-monstr]

#aziraphale has the weapon of war in his hands #and yet the very worst thing he can think of #is that he and crowley would never speak again

#good omens #goodomensedit #ineffable husbands #goodomenssource #i love crowley's expression here #looking up at aziraphale like he's not actually sure what to expect #crowley's the demon but aziraphle has a streak of ruthlessness in him #and then he comes up with 'i'll never talk to you' and lbr that's the scariest thing he could have said #anyway this scene is shaky af and i hate that #but i love it #my gifs #shaky gif

[celestial-sapphicss]

I'd like to chime in with my opinion on the Pat/Pa sibling dynamics.

I'm an older sibling (we're both girls, though) and I can confirm that "bossing the younger sibling around" is a thing that happens. In my case, I definitely did it when we were kids and when I was in high school, for example. I mean, it wasn't to the extent where I'd tell her to do my chores all the time, but still. So I didn't see Pat's behaviour as strange or entitled at all.

On the other hand, Pat did make me roll my eyes a few times because we can't ignore the fact that he's a guy that wants to delegate what should be his housework onto a girl, which is not uncommon when it comes to men (anywhere, not just in Thailand/Asia). Also, with the way Pat's family is quite patriarchal (his dad really has a lot of those "toxic masculinity" traits, lbr), it stands to reason that Pat would pick some of that behaviour up (because that's just what kids do and as they grow into adults, it stays with them and they have to unlearn it). However, to say he's treating Pa "like a slave" and imply that their relationship is somehow unhealthy is way too harsh/not true.

Sure, he tells Pa to do his laundry but when she's upset with him (for not keeping his promise about Pran) and tells him "do your own laundry" he doesn't object and go pester her to do it. He just sighs and lets it go. He's not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to. When she moves in with him, he lets her take the bed and a bigger share of the bedroom. But what really showed me that he respects her as a woman (and didn't pick up his dad's mysogyny) was when Wai asked him for permission to date her and his response was "I'll let her decide." I'm bringing this up because SO many times in media we have this portrayal of guys asking the girl's father or older brother for permission to date/marry them and having to get their blessing first. Again, this isn't just an Asian thing, it happens in American/European shows and movies to this day (actually, just today my parents were watching an American movie and I happened to catch a scene where a guy was having dinner with the "in-laws" and asked the father's permission to marry his daughter and it was treated as totally normal, which infuriated me). So the fact that Pat went against that notion and was instead like "it's HER decision" (as it should be, because no man should speak on behalf of a woman's decision on who to date) made me love him even more than I already did by that point.

Anyways, I've rambled on for too long already. 😅 Like you said, Pat has flaws (as does every character) but to say he was horrible to Pa is just untrue.

hi anon! thank you for sharing this!!!!

first of all, never apologise for rambling i appreciate it! all that you said 💯

"On the other hand, Pat did make me roll my eyes a few times because we can't ignore the fact that he's a guy that wants to delegate what should be his housework onto a girl, which is not uncommon when it comes to men (anywhere, not just in Thailand/Asia)." - this, yeahh. not only is it very common, but this behaviour is often encouraged. like some of the reasons I've heard in defence of men avoiding their part of the work and putting it on the women in their families are bizarre. and women are expected to pick up that slack.

and while that discussion is very important, like you said, it's not completely applicable to pat & pa because they do share a relationship where both of them have equal footing, as you already mentioned!

also talking about "I'll leave it to her decision" honestly just blew my mind away because the "approval of older brother trope" is SO PREVALENCE and SO TOXIC i literally have never seen a piece of media where the older brother actually leaves it up to their sister's decision, let alone say it 🤦

i can't really comment on it everywhere else, but in India, this trope is glorified to an extent that it gets violent. not to ignore the fact that it's very real. elder brothers feel entitled to make decisions for their younger sister's lives.

instead of being approachable and a confidant for their younger sister, they try and act like a parent, and yet another person young girls have to hide their lives from.

but pat & pa are definitely not that. not only pa trusts pat to no extent (he was literally the first person in the family she came out to) but also they have that trust and affection for each other that goes beyond just "older brother protecting younger sister"

pat & pa share the burden that their toxic family puts on them and do try to protect each other from it and i think that's beautiful

#it really would have been easy for pat to ask wai to just back off #especially since wai is an asshole #but he literally trusted pa's judgement enough to decide what's good for her #and didn't try to coddle pa or invalidate her feelings #or say stuff like #you're just a child you don't know #or #you're a girl you don't know how boys are #and other bs #truly best boy #bare minimum? idk but #so refreshing to see a boy raised in such a toxic patriarchal environment #and not turn into one #instead be a golden retriever sunshine boy #really goes on to say that yes you can unlearn toxicity if you make an effort #vi's inbox #bad buddy

[tellywoodtrash]

bade acche lagte hain 2 30.08.21 lb

this better be worth the time i'm not using to watch my hotass korean show (Mad Dog) or i'm gonna get captain holt lvl of huffy.

entry of nakuul sir to sad khnh heartbeat theme to establish sadboi credentials.

damn, ib camera work really did the most to make him look taller and more imposing huh? dude looking kinda puny here.

chick he's here to meet for...... breakup/goodbye/whatever looks suitably apologetic for the misery she about to cause.

he's promising this woman (vedu) that he'll accomplish something (oooooooooh mystery, but lbr, it's prolly that he'll move on/get married or some such shit) by agli baarish. seems like a weird way to establish a deadline, what with climate change and our weather patterns being totally fucked up, but.... ok whatever works for y'all.

music has transitioned to prem's tune from dum lagake haisha to REALLLLLLLLLLLY drive home point ki THIS IS A GOOD MAN WITH LOTS OF HEART, HE IS WORTHY OF TRUST THIS SOFT MAN. he better be coz i've put up with 3+ years of him playing an absolute demon, so........... i deserve this.

ok some creep is chup ke taking video of them. ok??? they're just standing a very respectable distance apart and talking very calmly. what's the point of taking video of that????

oh god samajh gaye na ki achcha aadmi hai, itna bhi don't beat us over the head with his niceness.

anyway, phir se resolute vaada has been delivered that he'll fulfill her wish by next year.

vedu going in for grateful feelsy hug but weather is cockblocking.

ofc he is a manic pixie baarish enjoyer. pft.

vedu like yeah ok mereko pneumonia nahi chahiye and peaces out, while sir vows internally his ek tarfa pyaar will last all life. yeah, let's see, bro. let's see.

video lene waale creep ka creep boss decides to hang on to that totally fucking non-controversial video as blackmail material. ok?????? such low stakes bs i swear.

1 saal baaad......... ram has upgraded to shiny silver shoes. guess he's been pandemic shopping for absolute nonsense things to just feel something on the inside, like the rest of us,

his friend/chamcha/whatever is asking him about the promise he gave vedika a year ago, and there's something about behen ki engagement, while ram is too busy snacking. same, bro, same.

his delhi waala asst introduces himself as varun and ram's like.... i'll call you tarun, i call all my assistants tarun. um ok wtf????? you can't be arsed to just remember the names of ppl who work with you????? ALSO IT'S JUST ONE LETTER DIFFERENT, YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT AND CALL HIM BY HIS GIVEN NAME????? GOD. I HATE RICH PPL.

backstory time; vedika went and married someone else, and wants her brother in law to marry ram's sister shivi. ok idgi, ismein itna bada promise waali kya baat thi???

anyway sadboi ram is like oh it's gonna be sooooo great, it'll be me and vedu, pandit hoga, dj hoga, ppl will come and dance and celebrate.... but it'll be someone else's shaadi. and i'm totallyyyyyy fine with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friend/chamcha is like........ ummmmm ok sus, but whatever, i don't have the mental bandwidth to delve into this, so come let's do some random comedy. (which still isn't nakuul's strength. he only works when he's playing straight man to shenanigans happening around him, than participating in it himself.)

blah blah meeting time, where he throws around lotta buzzwords and jesus christ, i am so glad i don't have to sit in corporate meetings anymore.

character exposition time from chamcha to new asst varun/tarun: ram is best dealmaker businessman ever, a hypochondriac, insomniac, has sabse bada dil, loves his family beyond all else, and is a foodie extraordinaire. wow what an innovative and never seen before type of character played by nakuul mehta.

varun/tarun is asking chamcha friend what hopes he has for ram's life and future and like........ who are these ppl who think about their bosses like this? like, i don't give one flying fuck about my boss's life outside of work hours; as far as i'm concerned, they go back and lie in their coffins like vampires, till it's time to rise and make employees' lives difficult again.

anyway chamcha friend is like my friend is a lost child and i just want someone to help him come home. man fuck off, this dude looks perfectly sane and sensible and like he has a handle on all the shit in his life, so fuck off with this infantalizing bs. he doesn't need some woman to "fix" him.

moving to some college debate class where a chick is raving about mumbai ki baarish being an ~~~~~emotion~~~~, and like..... dude, have you seen your city's infrastructure????

the gen z college audience is like snapping their fingers to show agreement, and omg lol whutttttttt??????? is this a real thing young'uns do these days???? can't wait for when this gen reaches parliament.

priya is sitting in this class (evaluating/auditing it?) and scoffing at this trite romantic bs and gotta say she's a WHOLEASS MOOD.

snotty backbenchers are judging her (the new eng lit teacher.) whatever brats. focus on your snap streak or reel transitions or whatever it is that you kids these days care about.

passionate rain loving girl is like EXCUSE YOU MAAM WITH THE ROLLY EYES DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BASICASS BAARISH LOVING PERSONALITY and priya's friend is like oh god don't start, they're just rich spoilt kids...... priya is like, if they're rich and spoilt, they're not kids, and if they're kids, they shouldn't be so spoilt..... logic is shaky but passable, but this isn't going to execute well sis.

priya destroys this pluviophile college crowd with her middle class logic and rationality and they cannot seem to handle the realness, coz they all like...........

cut to ram wanting pakode coz its thundering. casually skipping over fact that he just got a 400 cr deal signed in that meeting. pft.

cut to snotty kids bitching about how priya is pakau coz she's 32 and single and is "frustrated". because.......... we can't give ourselves orgasms????

anyway priya and her friend roll their eyes at the kids and their belief in "true wuv" as they discuss friend's divorce case and alimony issues, with patented balaji heroine dukhiyaari theme music in bg.

kids following her and saying the only man in her frustrated life is her autowaala. and honestly lemme tell y'all, that's the only reliable man needed in life.

priya's brother is ram's sister shivi's ex and he's depressed about her engagement to someone else and she has to go to some bakery to cheer him up or something.

shivi is in a snit about wanting last minute vegan cupcakes and not liking any of the shoes she has at her disposal, while ram tries to talk sense into her but..... ok i think i just don't care about ppl who are rich AND young. their issues are extra unworthy to me.

ram like she wants leather shoes and vegan cupcakes???? make it make sense, pls. he's right and he should say it.

anyway i think priya's fam runs the bakery snob sister wants her cupcakes from.

priya surrounded by a buncha lovelorn idiot siblings and is the only voice of sense here.

ram is calling to order the vegan cupcakes which should have no anda no sugar no maida and he's like what's even in these, hawa????

priya is like yeah these are our special ameeron ke chonchlein waale cupcakes with extra hawa, thanks for asking.

some bantering and bickering about him being kind of a rich dumbass and her totally not here for that bs.

lol he's like can i have a normal non healthy waala cupcake and she's like ok these are all the flavours we have, and he's like is there an "all in one" type, and she's like "nahi, aaj tak kisi ne itna laalach nahi kiya." lmaooooooooooooo.

before hanging up he asks if it's raining in mumbai (he's in delhi) and she's like oh great another fucking one of these baarish loving freaks.

omg one of his..... brothers???? is that ponky fellow from naagin 5. he has done cupcake pickup (800 cupcakes fit in in the trunk???? huh), one of which ram swiftly shoves in his gaping maw.

priya's siblings trying to keep her in the bakery after closing time, idk for what joy; while ram obsesses over gaadi ka ac not cooling enough and his eyes being red or some such...... idk man, i really don't care for rich ppl's problems.

he's switching out his silver shoes for gold ones. ick.

chamcha friend's name is adi and his wife is calling and she's mad and ram has been put on video call to cool her down. post hanging up, some stupid haha wives suck, they only feed you tinde kinda bs jokes.

priya is getting little toooo worked up over this romantic baarish spiel. sis, it's not thaaat deep. chill.

adi making some jab teri shaadi hogi jokes and ram gets all smiley sad again with khnh sad tune in bg.

priya ka bhi koi past heartbreak trauma ubhar aa raha hai and like...... get therapy sis.

ram ka car breakdown. rickshaw lena padega.

guess who else is standing on same street, cussing at the rain, and has her hand out for an auto.

she gets the auto first and he's standing outside haggling saying he'll pay double triple and all (they can't see each other coz she's lowered the rain shade on that side) and auto waala is like fml i hate my job i just wanna go home.

auto starts to drive away when priya hears ram lamenting ki meri behen ki sagaai hai yaaaaaar, and stops the auto to let him in, but his friends hailed another cab or something by then and he heads towards that.

precap: ram rushes in saying omg everyone must be waiting for meeeeeeee and i delayed the function, while engagement is full on going ahead without him only. priya's brother asks her how she felt about some maitreyi didi marrying her ex bf and she's like idgaf. shivi seems to have run away and come to priya's house (i guess back to her ex?) and ram's mom proposes priya and him get married. phew. too much information in 30 seconds.

#bade achche lagte hain 2 #balh2 lbs #episode liveblogs

[mintchochipkookie]

Banshee,

For the fandom ask:

Harry Potter

Nanuuu! THANK YOU for sending Harry Potter (you, Blue, and Ever just really knew what fandoms I desperately wanted to talk about huh?) but also this is the worst because HP has been in my life for upwards of 2 decades and I have never been able to pick a favourite or anything so uhhhhh yeah you're probably not gonna get a straight (or short) answer out of me for anything here.

my favorite female character lmao fuck idk man. I love them all in different ways, but I think maybe I can narrow this down to 2: Luna is the purest soul and she deserves all the happiness in the world. She's so unapologetically herself and doesn't give 2 fucks about other people's opinions. But you know for some reason what moment sticks out to me? When the golden trio visit Xenophilius in DH and they see that she has this painting of the six of them on her walls with the word 'friends' woven through? That gets me in a place that I just don't want to examine rn. And the fact that she married Newt's grandson? Iconic. I've also been remembering how much I love Tonks recently. Like, she's another ray of sunshine and I almost forget that she's a Black family member too. idk maybe there's a hint of the 'not like other girls' mentality there (not gonna deny that I had my nlog phase too) but idk I don't think it's super overt? Maybe if I read the books now I'd think different but I still love Tonks to death. Also! We all talk about how Sirius was a blemish on the Black family tree by being sorted into Gryffindor, but hello ??? Tonks is literally a Hufflepuff ???? That was probably even more shameful to them than Gryffindor lbr. Also she is very relatable because I too would fall madly in love with Lupin and do anything for his happiness.

my favorite male character asdfgh somehow I think this is even more difficult than the previous one. Can I pick from FBAWTFT? Because while I have a tough time deciding for HP, it took me all of 2 seconds of watching Newt to fall in love with him. (I wrote a few thousand word thing about why I love him right after watching the first movie if you care to know more of my thoughts on him lmao) UGH fine. I think it might have to come down to Ron, Neville, and Remus. But I'm saving Ron for another answer, so I'll talk a bit about Neville and Remus. Ugh the boy who could have been, honestly Neville is so severely underrated and okay maybe I just have a thing for the more tortured characters who have stayed pure souls through it all. I just. The St. Mungos scene in OotP still makes my heart squeeze into a tiny little ball, there's something about Alice and Frank's fates that is so absolutely horrifying to me. Gryffindor is my least favourite house tbh, but I think Neville embodies all the best traits of the house. The kind of courage that Neville has is the most relatable to the real world and I think everyone needs to respect my boy a little more. And Lupin holy shit if I love soft tortured souls whose life experiences make me want to cry, how could I NOT adore Lupin to bits???? I have so many feelings about this man I simply cannot. I want to wrap him up in blankets and give him hot chocolate and I WILL kill anyone who tries to hurt him. He deserves so much better than he got and I'm just glad that this lonely child found some friends who would literally break laws and endanger themselves to keep him company in his worst moments. Just to make his life marginally less shitty. Friends are just so important guys omfg. (Also umm, an accomplished man who's just trying his best but has so much self loathing cuz he thinks that he is inherently a monster not worth being loved??? Mild Zuko vibes anyone? No? Okay I'll shut up.)

my favorite book Ahhh idk? I think Deathly Hallows will always have a special place in my heart (end of an era and all that, and also I do really like it, so much lore), but I think Prisoner of Azkaban maybe. Idk there's a lot of interesting stuff there, plus Lupin (which honestly might be a big part of it lmfao). I feel like it's also the first massive expansion of the HP-verse that we get and it's nice to get a bit of a break from Voldy tbh. I think that's just when things really start picking up y'no?

my favorite cast member I can't pick wtf ????? Although can I just say, I loveee the relationship Tom Felton and Jason Isaacs have? It's like, the opposite of Draco and Lucius.

my favorite ship Oof I think it's gonna have to be Romoine. I just remember really rooting for them as a kid and being so happy when they finally kissed. I also LOVE how it went down in the books, it was so fitting and showcases so much about them as people and their relationship. Honourable mentions: Hinny and Remadora

a character I’d die defending I'm gonna say Ron here because wowowowow the movies did him so dirty and people who've only watched the films don't understand how fucking special he is. I've ranted a little about this before if anyone wants to know my thoughts. Suffice it to say, Ron is a very good boy. (I would also "defend" a lot of other characters in the sense that the fandom likes to misrepresent and selectively analyse a lot of the morally grey characters and it pisses me off.)

a character I just can’t sympathize with I was gonna say that I don't have an answer for this one cuz there's something about the way all these characters are written that I can find something that appeals to my humanity about each of them. Except like...Voldy, Bellatrix, and Umbridge I guess. But then I remembered that Peter Pettigrew exists. Yeah okay boohoo you weren't as great a wizard as your besties fuck off I have no time for disloyalty.

a character I grew to love idk if there was anyone I hated who I unconditionally love now? But I did change a lot of my opinions about Snape after DH. I still hate him for bullying children as a full-grown adult (hits too close to home) but he's a much more nuances character that people give him credit for. He's not 100% good or 100% bad, he's just...a person you know? And I love that. I think he's a really great character. (But no, Harry should not have named his child after either Severus or Albus wth?)

my anti otp There's probably nothing that's canon endgame that I hated. A lot of the fanon ships aren't my jam but that's not really my business. I think the one ship that's somewhere in the middle is Luna x Neville cuz the movie tried to do that and I'm like 'uhhhhh no thank you' they have a very nice friendship, there's no reason to squash the last of the main 6 together just cuz.

Send me a fandom ask

#i wanna reread the books so bad ughhh #maybe soon #ask #nanunanu22 #Harry Potter

[newangelmp3]

rating every fine line song on how narry it is out of 10

golden: can u believe the first track is dedicated to one mr. niall horan. we all know one (1) golden boy. niall might not have literal golden hair anymore but he IS still sunshine personified, and very very golden. starting off strong, 9/10

watermelon sugar: ok we all KNOW what this song is about. and it's not the most narry song out there. But Let Me Just Say This. "i want your belly/and that summer feeling" is about niall. niall has a cute tummy and we all know it. 4/10

adore you: harry just wants to love niall, but niall won't let him. i'm pretty sure i've read that fic?? "i get so lost inside your eyes" "you don't have to say you love me/you don't have to say nothing/you don't have to say you're mine" i've DEFINITELY read that fic. 8/10

lights up: not about niall, but if you try to tell me this song isn't about the 1d circus and the pressure that came with it then i simply will not listen to you. so not explicitly about narry, but it gets some points for being abt 1d. 5/10

cherry: "we're not talking lately" "i just miss your accent and your friends/do you know i still talk to them" also i know... the voice note at the end... who do we know who speaks french? could it be one mr. niall "j'adore la mer" horan?? i rest my case. 8/10

falling: deep breaths, folks. "no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands" this is abt niall and bend the rules is abt harry. i said it. also: "i write too many songs about you", "i get the feeling you'll never need me again" are also clearly abt niall. 9/10

to be so lonely: "don't blame me for falling/i was just a little boy" "i know that you're tryna be friends/i know you mean it" all very lovely, and very narry. before i started making this i didn't think of it as very narry, but i'm thinking it might be one of the most narry songs?? huh... 10/10

she: i don't think even i can make this song be about narry. which is saying something, as i very clearly can make almost anything about narry. but not this. good song tho. 1/10

sunflower, vol 6: "i don't wanna make you feel bad/but i've been trying hard not to talk to you" trying to keep your distance!! also i'm gonna bring it back to blond hair/sunshine personified, mr. niall horan. we were all thinking it. 7/10

canyon moon: a sweet love song about coming home to your lover after you've been apart, reminiscing about that one time under the canyon moon. "i'll be gone too long from you" niall and harry are both busy touring and traveling, but once upon a time they used to do that together:( i'll be honest i'm reaching. but that's ok. 6/10

treat people with kindness: it's nice to be nice. 6/10

fine line: "you sunshine/you temptress" AGAIN with the sunshine. maybe i'm projecting my own ideas about niall as sunshine personified, but then again this entire thing is me projecting, lbr. other than that, this song is 90% just "we'll be a fine line", so there's not much else to pick apart. but it's somehow still a little bit narry. 7/10

#narry #narry storan #fine line #again this is JOKES and none of it is REAL #if you feel pressed abt it.... don't #it's just for laffs #did i refer to niall as mr. niall horan too much in this? yes #do i care? no #i went into this thinking that less songs would be narry than on hw and the result surprised me!!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Amber & Cosmo

Amber: [Okay so OG he finds her in Dash's room obvs he's not there like lowkey ransacking it and then we started the convo after that of her being like I'm not a burglar or a bunny boiler just for your info] Cosmo: [we know you're just walking away 'cos could not care less about your brother and his ridiculous life] Amber: not a stalker but realise getting in your inbox to claim that is a defeat.... Cosmo: you're in the wrong room, if you are Amber: it's the right room to get my zip back, information you don't need to alibi me, but can have because it's the right thing to do too Cosmo: I don't care Cosmo: as long as you keep your haul limited to his room and his shit Amber: I'm only taking back what's mine, not a burglar either Amber: window entry was just flare Cosmo: and if you knocked, you wouldn't be let in Amber: you don't want a conventional first meeting or impression, I'm fine with that Cosmo: all cold callers say they ain't Cosmo: we haven't had the jehovas in for a cup of tea either Amber: I don't work in a call centre or leaflet for any organised religions Amber: yet Cosmo: dream big Cosmo: just need to organize them and their thoughts Amber: organisation isn't my forte but dreaming in any size Amber: that I can do Cosmo: you don't say Amber: do you have something you wanna say? Cosmo: Neither in your house nor your inbox so no Amber: relax, I won't be in your house much longer Cosmo: You're telling me to relax Cosmo: I could've called the police Cosmo: see what they reckon to not a burglar Amber: but you didn't and I'll be gone before they get here if you decide to now Amber: you know, passive aggression towards me is one thing, but threatening a real act of... Cosmo: I don't see how breaking and entering, actually doing so, is less than a threat Cosmo: but I haven't, and I'm not going to, but you can still leave as fast as if I have Amber: I'm not scary, you don't have to feel unsafe Cosmo: I'm not scared of you Amber: so you aren't under threat Amber: not like say, a non-white person against the police Cosmo: My property is Cosmo: and other people live here Amber: once I have my property back, I'll leave Amber: Dash's dirty laundry is a greater threat to me than I am to it Cosmo: if it's drugs, it'll be long gone Amber: not in this amount Amber: he won't have had time Amber: yet Cosmo: so you're a dealer Cosmo: chalk it up to a loss Cosmo: you aren't the only one he knows, nor the only girl he'd share with Amber: no, it's for personal use Amber: but that doesn't mean solely his personal use Cosmo: or yours Cosmo: if you don't make them pay, the lines are bound to get blurred Amber: it's a clear line, don't steal from me Cosmo: so is knocking and yet here you are Cosmo: hardly surprising he doesn't pay attention to rules either, is it Amber: next time, boy Cosmo: next time, I'll make sure I'm out Amber: so more like last time Cosmo: if you're that stupid, sure Amber: if you're gonna be this rude, I'll be sure to avoid you, yes Cosmo: I'm rude? He's the one that stole your shit to do with someone else Amber: he's rude too, does that make you feel better? Cosmo: you're here unapologetically and still, uninvited Cosmo: got no business telling me who's rude, especially when I'm well aware of what a cunt he is Amber: you surprised me! I haven't asked for an apology Amber: and he invited me in a few days ago, but if you'd like me to concede, I'll do it Amber: well aware I shouldn't be here Cosmo: you aren't getting an apology, why the hell do you think you deserve one Amber: because I was 😨😱 Amber: don't sneak up on girls you haven't even said hello to Cosmo: it's my house Cosmo: I weren't the one sneaking anywhere Amber: I'm not high, I know I don't live here Cosmo: That's a start Cosmo: good for you Amber: thanks Cosmo: 👍 Amber: your validation is such an unexpected bonus 🍒🍨 Cosmo: calm down Amber: has telling a girl what to do ever worked for you? Cosmo: how did telling me to relax work for you? Cosmo: apologies your race and sex cards haven't been winners Amber: I wasn't telling you to relax because I can't handle your emotions Amber: is the difference Cosmo: yeah, because that's relevant Amber: why isn't it? Amber: if you can't read my tone Cosmo: I don't want to handle your bullshit Cosmo: there's no difference Amber: and I don't want you to work yourself up over someone you haven't met and don't need to see again Amber: that's for your sake, not mine Amber: the key difference Cosmo: yeah, that's what you all say Cosmo: how considerate of you Amber: I can come through your windows without being some BIG BAD Cosmo: you think you get to decide that? Amber: no Amber: but I can decide to try and leave you with an impression that's less...THAT...can't I? Cosmo: you don't need to try for someone you haven't met and don't need to see again Cosmo: why would you Amber: oh so you get to decide about me AND who I try for, along with why Amber: that makes sense, thanks Cosmo: I'm pointing out your hypocrisy Cosmo: see what that pisses you off Cosmo: but there's no need, telling you that for your sake, not my own Amber: I'd like to meet you, there's the flaw in what you're trying to do Amber: you can keep pointing instead of shaking hands if you want to though Cosmo: Why Cosmo: we have nothing in common, that's obvious without doing more than looking Amber: why do we need to have anything in common to do more than look? Amber: it's just an introduction Cosmo: there's no point Cosmo: it's exchanging pleasantries that isn't going anywhere Cosmo: we've avoided that, it's a good thing Amber: cynic Amber: we could go somewhere together Cosmo: doing labels now, are we Amber: you have been since you 👀 Cosmo: I've not called you shit Cosmo: but a dealer, which was evidence based Amber: I'm not gonna pretend I don't feel your digs at me Cosmo: I'm not your kind of person, you ain't mine Cosmo: no need to get upset about it Amber: what is my kind of person? Amber: that's a really strange thing to say Cosmo: my brother etc Cosmo: why is that strange? Amber: because it is Amber: I've slept with him once, so I see why you would go there, but I've also set foot outside of the commune Cosmo: you still prefer the people who live there, don't you Amber: I like plenty of people who live there, I like plenty of people I go to school with too Cosmo: copout Amber: if you desperately need me to admit there's plenty of idiots who live there, I can, that's true Cosmo: don't need you to do anything Amber: then why are you like this? Cosmo: excuse me Amber: if you don't need anything from me, like to go away as an obvious guess, you should be fine to talk to me Amber: but you're not so Amber: I'm just asking Cosmo: because, as we've already discussed, there's no point talking Amber: okay, stop Cosmo: I'm not doing anything Amber: you're replying to me, if you don't want to, stop Cosmo: have you gone Amber: no Cosmo: fucking hell Amber: you could help me look Cosmo: I could Cosmo: but I'm telling you, it's gone Cosmo: [showing up and standing in the doorway like 😒] Amber: [just casually jumping out of her skin when she realises he's there unannounced because not expecting him to actually come] Cosmo: [making a move forward 'cos not trying to scare her or be that kind of dick but like, what can you say or do so moving back almost as quick, looking around Dash's room in disgust casually] Amber: [loling but at herself not him obviously and continuing to look even though you know he's right and it is not likely to be here] Cosmo: [leaning against the door frame 'cos tall and folding your arms 'you should just take something of his and make it even'] Amber: [looking at him and then around the room like what though] Cosmo: [shrugs like it's all shit to me, there must be something you want though] Amber: [doing a pouty face like you're meant to be helping me because lbr there's nothing she wants] Cosmo: [reluctantly steps in and sighs like right, let's see 'how much was it worth, roughly?'] Amber: ['I didn't buy it, my dad did' her own sigh 'he's gonna be upset with me' aggressively keeps searching] Cosmo: ['say he stole it, then he can be upset with him' like duh but also, don't freak out] Amber: ['that's fine until your brother thinks he's upset with him because he didn't call me back or whatever outdated notion he thinks my dad thinks in'] Cosmo: [shakes his head like 🙄] Amber: [goes to sit on the window ledge like I'll just leave] Cosmo: [goes in his pocket to get his wallet like, how much 'some of his clothes that aren't trashed are pretty expensive'] Amber: [such an offended look like you better not offer me cash rn boy but looking through his wardrobe halfheartedly because you are annoyed and forlorn that Dash would be a dick like this] Amber: [I like to imagine an avalanche of shit falls out and nearly kills her lol so that stops that] Cosmo: [an amused lol 'not much point trashing the place' kicking some pile of trash over like, he'll never notice] Amber: ['I should've come in a maid outfit, you'd have let me in' oh the double meaning there gal] Cosmo: [a look like did you just 'can't afford to give you that much, sorry' and another shrug] Amber: [looks him up and down like your clothes look expensive too and softly tuts but then lols because we're not serious obvs] Cosmo: ['what?' like what are you looking at, what are you laughing at, either way we're uncomfortable] Amber: [shakes her head but not in a 🙄 way just like genuinely don't worry about it] Cosmo: ['what will your dad do?'] Amber: [does her best impression of a disappointed hippie dad] Cosmo: ['you'll live then' quiet 'cos dad disappointment is no joke here] Amber: ['harmless is his entire vibe, for sure' because it is 'I'm here for me' but shrugs like I guess I'll have to give up though] Cosmo: ['you like him, do you?'] Amber: ['my dad?' a confused look like obviously I love him what do you mean] Cosmo: ['no' and looks around the room like this dickhead, clearly] Amber: [a laugh like oh okay 'not any more'] Cosmo: [tuts 'you laugh a lot'] Amber: ['is that a crime too?' but said in an amused way] Cosmo: [shakes head 'just weird' but does a half-smile at her] Amber: [fully smiles back at him like he's given her a compliment and goes downstairs to get herself some juice or something because forever making ourselves at home/treating this place like a hotel in the spirit of the OG convo] Cosmo: rude not to say goodbye Amber: it's not, I'm coming back Cosmo: what do you mean Amber: I'm not saying goodbye when I haven't left Amber: yet Cosmo: what are you doing Amber: [a photo of the inside of the fridge] Amber: do you want a drink too? Cosmo: do you always make yourself at home like this Amber: do you mind? Cosmo: bit late if I did Amber: but I can leave my glass here, walk back up and you can retrace my steps to bring it to me if you do Cosmo: I owe you hospitality? Cosmo: nah Amber: are you going to answer my question or just your own? Cosmo: I did Cosmo: you've got your drink now Cosmo: enjoy it Amber: would you like one or not, because you didn't tell me that Cosmo: I'm fine Amber: [enough time to have drank her juice shelby, wash and dry the glass and put it away and then she's back] Cosmo: [just looking at her like what the fuck but not saying anything] Amber: [just looking at him like what excuse me for being thirsty sir] Cosmo: [shaking his head like never mind 'cos not getting into that again 'what are you gonna do then?'] Amber: [shaking her head back like idk 'go home'] Cosmo: ['you can leave through the door, like' like you didn't need to come back up then 'thought you were gonna fuck up his shit or something' and shrugs like why did you then] Amber: ['you wanted a goodbye first' mirrors his shrug but is smiling and not in a mard, pushes one of his skateboards along the floor and it doesn't move cos there's so much shit everywhere like I think he's trashed this room/his stuff enough tbh] Cosmo: [😳😒 'I didn't WANT anything' puts his feet on top of it like he's gonna jump and break it 'twat' but said under his breath not to her] Amber: ['well I don't want you to think I'm rude' looks around like why does he have so many skateboards when he literally only needs one] Cosmo: [looks at what she's looking at and shrugs 'dad went through a buying-our-love phase and he was only too happy to take advantage of it, of course' picks one up and spins the wheels 'these are custom, you know' and rolls his eyes with the wheels like, why even] Amber: ['what did you get?' because genuinely curious, then has a ponder about what he's just said 'I don't think I can carry all of these even if I use the door to leave' because thinking she's gonna have to take every skateboard away lol] Cosmo: [does not reply, looking 'round the room with more vigor 'there's a special screwdriver for it, somewhere in here'] Amber: [googles what it looks like so she knows and then takes however long to find it and holds it up triumphantly with a mischievous face on] Cosmo: [smiles back like that's the one] Amber: [tries to do it but clearly is struggling so gotta hand over the tool and the task even if you are adorably pouty about it] Cosmo: [not at all smugly taking all these wheels off and throwing them at her] Amber: [😠 like can you not throw shit at me please but also because of how effortlessly he's doing it when she could not again looking adorable though soz gal] Cosmo: [doing an awh face at her] Amber: [throwing something from Dash's floor at him because she's not a chill hippie stereotype soz parentals] Cosmo: [probably catching it, damn reflexes] Amber: [when you're more impressed than you are fuming now like okay boy damn are you a superhero] Cosmo: [shrugs 'football'] Amber: ['you're the one who stops everyone else having fun' like it makes sense why he's so grumpy, not really what a goalkeeper is babe but go off] Cosmo: [a look like you what 'cos does not get it, then when he gets it shaking his head like oh, but no 'not the only one that needs decent reflexes though'] Amber: [🤔 face 'are you the scorer?' we out here knowing all the football terminology bye] Cosmo: [lols a bit but not harshly like omg you don't know 'cos not that dick, just amused, but go off about this nerdy football jargon I simply do not understand, pretty sure you were some variation of centre-forward which can be striker, can be attacking midfielder, whatever, and his shirt number was 9] Amber: [asking questions because you're interested and like learning new shit which makes her the anti wag, we're having a lovely time] Cosmo: [The No.9 is usually given to a football team's centre forward or main striker, a prolific goalscorer in any given formation, especially the likes of 4-3-3, 4-2-2 or 4-2-3-1. Purely putting this here so I might remember lmao but yes, have a convo with someone who ain't your dad/squad mates] Amber: [she's literally forgotten why she's even here, hotel california not cos you can't leave but because you don't wanna gal] Cosmo: [finding Dash's most expensive t-shirt or hoodie or whatever and putting all the wheels in it like a makeshift bag for her, flinging the boards out the still opened window like job done there then] Amber: ['what should I do with these?' again a genuine question 'other than stringing one onto a necklace' because we know her aesthetic and I remember she literally left one for him after this OG so I'll have to find that and look] Cosmo: ['juggle?' 'cos truly, what can you do with them 'could make a treasure hunt for him, but then he'll know you're upset with him and it'll be the dad situation all over again' ] Amber: [does try juggling with them and isn't terrible but isn't like circus ready lol 'I'll make it for you, you'd love finding one in your football shoe, wouldn't you?' smiling because plays into the stalker thing but also is just a fun mental image] Cosmo: ['leave it out' but in an amused way, not actually terrified lol] Amber: ['but if I attach them to the bottom, you could rollerskate after the ball' imagine please lol] Cosmo: ['just slow me down' #flex but like 'don't actually fuck with my boots, tah'] Amber: [a face like yeah okay boy but we're #into the flex really 'okay, fine, wouldn't wanna be rude' gathering all your shit together 'time to check out' because hotel refs needed] Cosmo: [just looking up like oh, okay, 'cos this has been surreal af] Amber: [kissing him on the cheek as a thank you and a goodbye] Amber: [sends him a series of pictures of his name spelled out in skateboard wheels like each letter in different locations, not knowing he doesn't fuck with his name heavily] Cosmo: marks and validation for creativity, stalker Cosmo: but no one calls me that, you'd know that if you were a good one Amber: what do they call you? 🚀🪐💫⭐️ Cosmo: Haynes Cosmo: or 9 Amber: because you've got that many lives? Cosmo: shirt number Cosmo: but I'll take that favourable comparison Amber: if I had a bedroom I'd let you in through the window 😼 boy Cosmo: where do you sleep? Cosmo: or get any privacy, for that matter Amber: privacy for what? Amber: I like the hammocks when those are free Cosmo: what do you think you need privacy for Amber: if you're talking about sex, you know the answer Amber: I wasn't visiting your house to talk about the bible, remember Cosmo: I weren't Amber: no mothers have any time alone in the bathroom and they survive 9️⃣ Cosmo: there's reason most people don't live like that Cosmo: and a reason cults do Cosmo: you've got fuck all time to yourself and your own thoughts Amber: do you only have time to yourself on the 🚽? Cosmo: no, 'cos I've got a room, and a bed that's my own Amber: they don't like, put trackers under our skin, I can go wherever I want Amber: if I'd enjoy some privacy for whatever reason Cosmo: that's sad Amber: why are you sad about it? Cosmo: that's the bare minimum a home is meant to be Amber: it's a safe place, there's food, running water, warmth Amber: plenty of homes are overcrowded Amber: if I had brothers and sisters taking up the space you wouldn't think that was 👽 Cosmo: don't tell me what I'd think Cosmo: 'cos yeah, that is weird as well Amber: I understand not wanting to share a room with Dash Cosmo: funny Amber: have you ever had to? Cosmo: I get that you're like obsessed with him Cosmo: but ask him Cosmo: I don't want to talk about him Amber: I was asking a question, about you, he would've just happened to be there Cosmo: why does it matter? Amber: why do you have to fiercely guard something you don't think matters? Amber: it's 'normal' for me to have never had my own room and it's 'normal' for you to have your own Cosmo: yeah, and my normal actually is Amber: ⭐ Cosmo: whatever Cosmo: go talk to him Amber: my dad's a teacher, you can have a sheet of them if you want Cosmo: I'm alright, thanks Amber: can I come and watch you play? Cosmo: why would you want to Amber: because you don't want to talk to me and it's a way we won't have to but I still get to get to know you Amber: and it'd be fun, I assume Cosmo: I've been a dick to you this whole time Cosmo: you should up your standards Amber: so no, I can't 👀⚽? Amber: unfriendly Cosmo: nice pun Cosmo: I can't stop you coming to a match Cosmo: but only girlfriends come to practice and the coaches hate that anyway Amber: but if you don't want me holding up a piece of cardboard cut into the shape of a 9 then I won't Amber: makes sense why you wouldn't if your girlfriend is gonna be there Cosmo: you just want an excuse to do some arts and crafts, I get it Cosmo: don't have one currently so no Amber: I would like something to do, thanks for offering Cosmo: what, they let you get bored, do they Amber: it's not summer camp Amber: just because I have to sleep outside Cosmo: thought you had shelter Cosmo: sleeping outside in this country is fucking abuse, like Amber: I don't always want to share a bed, please don't report me to my hippie overlords Amber: but you know, there's this technique called layering, it probably isn't aerodynamic enough for you to have heard of it... Cosmo: bollocks layering you're homeless Amber: I have an address any time you wanna send me 💌 Cosmo: be serious Cosmo: that's a shit state of affairs Amber: it's not my fave or my least fave Cosmo: why'd you tell me this Amber: you asked me where I sleep Cosmo: I've got enough to stress on Amber: you don't need to include me in whatever is stressing you out, okay? Amber: I'm fine, most days good Cosmo: I ain't like him, alright Cosmo: I don't reckon anything about the way you live is cool or even alright Amber: it isn't always cool but I doubt the way you live always is either Amber: my parents are happy here, I'm not unhappy enough here to leave yet Cosmo: what about how I live wouldn't be cool Amber: I don't know Amber: I don't know your life Cosmo: yeah, you don't Amber: you can have an apology if you'll take it Cosmo: I'm just not looking for any more worry Amber: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Amber: there's 9 if I can count Cosmo: it's fine Cosmo: you seem nice Cosmo: you really shouldn't go around with my brother Amber: I'm not giving him any more chances, bad sex is one thing but bad manners... Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: Swear, we were actually raised to have some of the latter Cosmo: I just Cosmo: dunno, with you Amber: I'm just a girl, you've been around those before, haven't you? Cosmo: piss off Cosmo: 'course I have Amber: so you don't have to worry Cosmo: sounds convincing, stalker Amber: how else would you like me to do it when you don't want me around? Cosmo: are you offended? Amber: no, I just don't know what I've done wrong Amber: it wasn't even your window Amber: or any of your stuff Cosmo: I don't like him Cosmo: I thought you were friends with him, so I didn't like you Cosmo: but if you ain't, I guess you can be alright Amber: I thought he was my friend too but I don't treat mine like that Cosmo: sorry Cosmo: he's a prick Amber: not your sorry to hand out but thanks Amber: I feel kinda stupid Cosmo: I wouldn't bother Cosmo: he chats like he's nice, does it with everyone Cosmo: but he's selfish, so he'll always put himself first even when he chats like you're mates or whatever else bollocks Amber: everyone chats like he's something but he's really something else Amber: and I fell for it 🥤 Cosmo: 🙄 Cosmo: he chats like he's something Amber: that too Cosmo: fuck him Cosmo: his loss, yeah Amber: I did and it was my loss Amber: he enjoyed himself Cosmo: don't Amber: no more details, but I don't want you to think I'm bad at it Cosmo: I don't wanna hear about my brother's sex life, you mean Amber: I'm stopping Amber: you don't have to hear about it Cosmo: 👌 Amber: [sends him a picture of wheels spelling out that emoji as best she can] Amber: I had some left Cosmo: steal a ⭐ Amber: [picture of it on her face however much later when she's back] Cosmo: cute Cosmo: does your dad teach at your school or what? Amber: he teaches everyone here who doesn't go to school Cosmo: ahh Cosmo: but you do Cosmo: you go to the same school as Dash? Amber: yes Cosmo: oof Cosmo: unlucky Amber: we're not in the same year, I have that much luck Cosmo: that is something Cosmo: he probably don't show much Amber: what's your school like? because I'm picturing the hunger games but with ⚽ Cosmo: only if you don't keep up with your work and footie Cosmo: not gonna get 💀 otherwise Cosmo: it's good Amber: how did you get in? Cosmo: you get spotted, then you do trials Amber: when you're a kid? Cosmo: the school is normal high school ages Cosmo: but younger the better in terms of getting on a team, getting your skills out there and seen Amber: how old were you? Cosmo: my dad played Cosmo: so soon as I could kick a ball and not fall over it, like Amber: so you don't want me to come and watch you because your dad will be there? Cosmo: I don't not want you to come Cosmo: just don't think you'd enjoy it Amber: why? Cosmo: it's 90 minutes, you know Amber: I'm not a goldfish Cosmo: I'm not saying that Amber: I think I liked it better when you called me a dealer over a useless stoner Cosmo: Come on Cosmo: I meant, all the girls get bored Cosmo: but you aren't going to like that either, are you Amber: are you 'not like other girls' ing me or calling me an over enthusiastic 🤓 now? I can't tell Cosmo: maybe you are a nerd Cosmo: wouldn't chess be more your scene? Amber: I'm not that ravenclaw Cosmo: definitely a massive 🤓 Amber: is your tone being endearing or unfriendly? Cosmo: I'm taking the piss Cosmo: not in a totally unfriendly manner Amber: slytherin energy Cosmo: oi Cosmo: they're the villains, that IS rude Amber: in the films because they were worried about attention spans too Cosmo: it's not an attention issue stopping me reading, however many books there was Cosmo: it's time Amber: not a big reader either Amber: we have something in common! Cosmo: sounds fake, nerd Cosmo: what do you like doing? Amber: the first things that came to mind were swimming and dancing, which makes me sound like I'm 9 Cosmo: not at all Cosmo: though it's pretty 'not like other girls' of you to not reply 📱🛍💅 or have no answer at all Amber: is it? Cosmo: girls I know, anyway Cosmo: not that that's my top chat-up line or anything Amber: well now you have to give me your top chat up line Cosmo: 😂 Amber: please! Cosmo: nah, not going to work outside of a club Cosmo: cold light of day or whatever Amber: I thought the whole appeal of clubs was supposed to be not being able to hold a conversation over the music Amber: not that I'm speaking from experience Cosmo: you don't do clubs? Cosmo: but precisely, loses its charm if you can actually hear the words Amber: I haven't yet Cosmo: you like dancing Amber: nobody from school has asked me Amber: probably because we live in the middle of nowhere Cosmo: cost a fortune in cabs Cosmo: you wanna go? Amber: if it means I get to hear the chat up line Amber: but seriously, yes, I do Cosmo: alright Cosmo: I'll take you Cosmo: as you like dancing so much Amber: 🙃 Amber: when? Cosmo: Saturday? Amber: isn't Sunday like THE day for football and church though? Amber: that sounds like something I've heard before Cosmo: yeah, that's right Cosmo: but I can handle it, not gonna get off my face if I'm escorting you, am I Amber: I'm not one of those girls Amber: you don't have to look after me Cosmo: it's not because you're a girl Cosmo: it's 'cos it's your first time Amber: those manners you mentioned being brought up to have Amber: it's nice to see them 👋 Cosmo: told ya Amber: when I invite myself over again I'll let your mama know she did a good job Cosmo: you want the stalker title back over nerd, yeah? Amber: I do have a name you could use, sometimes Cosmo: you go by yours then Cosmo: noted Amber: I'm the only Amber here, that's a good reason to Cosmo: nice one mum and dad Amber: maybe if they'd named me Acorn or Soleil or whatever I'd be more ✌☮💙🕊 Amber: I don't know Cosmo: If people suited their names, me and my brother would have to swap Amber: which one of your parents chose? Cosmo: mum Cosmo: I mean, sure it was a mutual decision at the time, but still Amber: same, my dad would've leaned more into the ✌☮💙🕊 vibe Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: still, you fit in enough without standing out loads everywhere else Cosmo: it's a good name, far as they go Amber: thanks, I'll tell her Cosmo: she as buzzing off validation as you Amber: no, that's my ⭐ Cosmo: she did marry a teacher Amber: her boyfriend looks after 👵👴 Amber: it could be a pattern Cosmo: sound like a self-help book now Amber: she'd get a kick out of that Amber: workshops are her thing Cosmo: I can imagine Amber: you can leave it at that, I won't extend an invitation even though IOU Cosmo: yeah, that's for the best all 'round Cosmo: you can cancel that debt Amber: unfriendly or gentlemanly? Cosmo: neither Cosmo: I don't reckon you've got any invite that I'd be interested in Amber: 😠 Cosmo: what's that face for? Amber: you throwing those manners out of the window and being rude again Cosmo: just realistic Cosmo: I don't fancy a workshop or jam sesh or whatever else Cosmo: not that kinda lad Amber: cynical Cosmo: you gonna waste time proving me otherwise? Amber: if you don't show me up on Saturday, maybe Cosmo: 😏 Amber: can you even dance? Cosmo: of course I can Cosmo: I'm not the one who's never been, I go all the time Amber: okay, I'm not asking you to prove yourself, even though it wouldn't be a waste of time Cosmo: you used to boys jumping when you say Amber: is that what it sounds like? Cosmo: what you look like Amber: you think I look like I could get boys to do whatever I want? Amber: like I'm so intimidating Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: yeah your 😠 face is frightening Amber: 😂 Cosmo: yeah, you know Amber: I know you're not scared of me, you made sure I was told early on Cosmo: do you want to scare me? Amber: of course not Amber: why would I want to? Cosmo: I don't know Cosmo: some people go in for intimidating, don't they Amber: I really wanna 👀 into your 🌍 when you say things like that, 9 Amber: I guess it works for footballers Cosmo: called attack for a reason Cosmo: but anyone Cosmo: it's a good defense, oddly enough Amber: you don't have to defend yourself against me though so Cosmo: we're talking about you, remember Amber: I'm not in the habit of attacking anyone, using violence to resolve our conflicts is 😠 upon Amber: are you trying to get me kicked out of the hippie homestead? Cosmo: that'd be a kindness too far Cosmo: let's start with the club, yeah Amber: don't be getting me kicked out of there, please! Cosmo: best behaviour, remember Cosmo: leave your stash at home, dealer Amber: we didn't find it at yours and there's a chance I won't be able to 👀 over the bar Amber: a best behaviour guarantee until you trust me Cosmo: you are well short Cosmo: you'll still get served though Amber: I'll dress to impress whoever is on the door, since they probably do go in for intimidation, I imagine Cosmo: won't be hard Amber: no? Cosmo: 'course not Cosmo: when you're as short as you, don't need to be as tall as me to look directly down your top, like Amber: there isn't much to see, are you sure they'll let me in? Cosmo: I'm sure Amber: 🙂 Cosmo: you do know the dresscode, I assume Amber: barely any clothes is the impression you've given me Cosmo: You don't have to go that hard Cosmo: but smart casual probably excludes the properly hippie stuff Amber: I'll 🛍💅 Amber: like a 'normal' girl Cosmo: normal ain't overrated? Amber: I don't know Cosmo: first time trying that out too? Amber: my normal is all this Amber: sometimes I wish it wasn't, sometimes I don't Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: well, lemme know how it goes Amber: what? 🛍💅? Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: new normal, whatever Amber: you can come if you like Cosmo: that's alright Cosmo: I can already pass dresscode Amber: I meant to help me Cosmo: they have girls in shops for that Cosmo: I wouldn't be no help Amber: and I have school friends for that, but it'd be more fun with you Amber: and more help, because they'll just  🛍 for themselves Cosmo: I guess we could go Cosmo: Saturday as well Cosmo: I train 'til 2 but should have some time before I go gym at 4 Amber: one shop for 👗 and another for 💅 I promise Cosmo: what about 👠s? Amber: oh Amber: you're right Amber: this is why I need you Cosmo: can't be barefoot Cosmo: with all the others in stilettos, be a real safety hazard Amber: not at the start of the night anyway Cosmo: I'm not carrying you Cosmo: no matter how small you are Amber: you wouldn't have to go to the gym for as long if you did Amber: creative workout Cosmo: I probably lift double you Amber: is that one of your chat up lines? Cosmo: 😏 no Cosmo: girls hate gym chat Cosmo: unless they bring it up, but that's a specific type of girl Amber: so when I get to the club I shouldn't talk about how flexible I am? Amber: no yoga talk Cosmo: I'm sure that'd go down a treat Cosmo: I don't need to fight off creeps though Amber: you won't have to, my 😠 face is SCARY Cosmo: terrifying Cosmo: not as scary as my coach if I get injured Amber: best behaviour, boy Cosmo: yeah, you better Amber: you'll see 👼🏽 Cosmo: it is believing Amber: 🏋🏽📸 please Cosmo: you wanna see how much I can lift? Amber: yes Cosmo: alright Cosmo: not like I'll be the only twat with their camera out, like Amber: 🤳🏽💪🏽 Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: 🤳🏽🍑 if you're a girl Amber: I won't be sending those to your inbox, don't worry Cosmo: shame Amber: your coach doesn't want you getting injured Cosmo: wouldn't look and lift Amber: I'll keep it in mind Cosmo: just more jokes Cosmo: don't worry Amber: shame Cosmo: touche Amber: what are you actually doing right now though? 🏋🏽? Cosmo: got stuff to do at home Cosmo: you? Amber: cryptic Amber: but me too Cosmo: you know, this and that Amber: 🍏🍎 and 🍊🍊 Cosmo: what are you doing then? Amber: chasing chickens Amber: they've escaped Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: of course Amber: cardio Amber: how many chickens could you lift? Cosmo: that's a question of claws, not lbs Cosmo: wouldn't look very good if I got all scratched up Amber: you could tell your teammates it was my fault, without going into the 🐓 details Amber: that would look better Cosmo: you think that's how it is Cosmo: locker room talk, like Amber: isn't it? Cosmo: I couldn't possibly comment Amber: that says something in itself Cosmo: basic stuff Cosmo: got to work as a team Cosmo: snitches get stitches Amber: but I'm the one in a cult Cosmo: teams have contracts Cosmo: literally know what I signed up for, and I'll join another one or sign back up when I'm done Amber: I don't have to give them my first born 👶🏽 Amber: your dad sacrificed you to ⚽ Cosmo: and yours didn't to their bullshit agenda? Amber: what agenda? Cosmo: I can't be bothered with this Amber: with what? Cosmo: this discussion Amber: there is no discussion because you shut it down Cosmo: because we've had it Amber: fine Cosmo: you don't know shit about my dad and I don't know shit about yours Cosmo: let's keep it that way Amber: if that's what you want Cosmo: why wouldn't it be Amber: never mind Cosmo: 👌 Cosmo: later then Amber: bye Amber: [we should say the necklace moment is after this but before clubbing because it works as a sorry/peace offering as well as a thanks/miss you/love you now so] Cosmo: you'll have to tell me your address Cosmo: for the 💌 Amber: [does] Cosmo: if my brother could be trusted with anything Cosmo: be able to pop it through the nearest open window but Amber: if we were at Hogwarts 🦉 Cosmo: thought you were a raven? Amber: owls deliver the post and it's a 🦅 Cosmo: I'll do my best to remember, nerd Amber: 😛 Cosmo: where'd you get this Cosmo: the necklace, I mean Amber: you can't buy me another one if that's why you're asking Cosmo: it isn't Cosmo: you should keep it, if it's special though Amber: I want you to have it Cosmo: thank you, then Amber: you don't have to wear it if you don't want to Amber: I won't be offended Cosmo: I like it Cosmo: can't wear nothing when I play though, not that big anyway Cosmo: turn your gift into a bit of a crap one if I get throttled with it Amber: hunger games, I called it Cosmo: be a bit of an obvious foul but some lads have no self-control, like Amber: that'd be a good chat up line, something about how good yours is Amber: make a girl feel special when you give in Cosmo: ha Cosmo: you wanna be my wingwoman or something? Amber: do you need one? Cosmo: I do alright Amber: I don't think I'll have to 👀 that to believe it Amber: I've seen you Cosmo: is that a compliment? Amber: yes Cosmo: I'm not like that, you know Amber: I know now Cosmo: I mean, I'm not one of the ones that keeps score and is competitive about it Cosmo: and we're not all like that Amber: I didn't picture you like that, don't worry Cosmo: good Amber: 🙂 Cosmo: 🙃? Amber: I'm the right way up because I'm in the know Amber: why are you upside down? Cosmo: maybe I'm doing pull-ups Amber: without me on top of you, they must be so easy Cosmo: you're thinking of push-ups Amber: oh Amber: wrapped around you then Cosmo: Amber Amber: is that still not what a pull up is? Cosmo: no, you got it Amber: you must think I'm like such an idiot sometimes Amber: or an 👽 Cosmo: I don't Cosmo: I didn't know about the birds Amber: you haven't got time to immerse yourself in a fictional 🌍 about 🐍🦅🦡🦁 Amber: you're a ⚽⭐ Cosmo: you're a different kind of ⭐ Cosmo: I've seen the 📸 proof Amber: you're being nice to me, you must like the necklace Amber: now I know bribery is the way forward, I'll get the first round in on Saturday Cosmo: Bribery always works, don't it Amber: but it probably wouldn't if I offered you 🥚 or 🍎🍏🍊 Cosmo: you got the chickens back then Amber: I'm not telling you again how flexible I am, boy Cosmo: be a bit of a brag if you keep going on about it Cosmo: must be fast, too Amber: compared to all these lazy boys and girls in long skirts, sure Amber: I don't think I'd win a race against you though Cosmo: just don't be coming for my spot on the team Amber: you'd have to train me first, I assume you'd notice the ploy before it happened Cosmo: not a 🦅 Cosmo: but not that thick either Amber: slytherins are really intelligent, everyone knows that Amber: you should get the audiobooks for the gym Cosmo: I'm still hoping for Gryffindor Cosmo: only got your word on how evil I am 😏 Amber: that's your brother, you don't wanna be in the same house as him Cosmo: sure, he gets to be the hero Cosmo: 🙄 Amber: he gets to be a reckless idiot Amber: [sends him the pottermore link to be sorted like a nerd] Cosmo: now this is a cult Amber: you aren't wrong this time Cosmo: I know, you've been well passionate about this stuff Amber: I finished the last book not long ago, it's fresh in my mind Cosmo: how often do you think anyone's reading the bible start to finish Amber: never? Cosmo: exactly Amber: don't they just pick the parts out they like Cosmo: they study it allegedly Amber: I'd rather you take me to go swim instead Cosmo: would you now Amber: if we're planning our next activity Cosmo: it is your other favourite thing, I remembered Amber: then we can yours Amber: do* Cosmo: nice try Cosmo: not training you Amber: I don't believe football is your only fave thing Cosmo: 👀 is Cosmo: my socials and actual life suggest otherwise Amber: fine, what's your fave food? Amber: I'll make it Cosmo: [some healthy protein bullshit that would not be anyone's favourite really] Amber: [is gonna invite herself over and make a swag meal out of it 100% though] Amber: free up some more time for me Amber: I'll be waiting for the 💌 Cosmo: alright Cosmo: is gonna be a decent run to yours so thanks for that Amber: you don't want me knocking on your door? Amber: I've been highlighting the best 🐍 quotes to preach at you and everything Cosmo: You've done your homework Cosmo: I'm impressed Cosmo: but not a gift if I don't hand-deliver it like you did Amber: warn me before you climb into my hammock Cosmo: not going to deprive you of your favourite spot Amber: someone else could've, that's more what I was thinking Amber: for your sake, not mine Cosmo: not planning on coming in, you're alright Amber: I'm not gonna let them kidnap you, you'll be okay Cosmo: I feel so much safer now I've got 😠 on side Amber: you know you can't be gryffindor and hide behind me Cosmo: good thing I was joking Amber: 🙃 Cosmo: do you do boyfriends or what Amber: sometimes Amber: if we're staying in one place for a while Cosmo: how long have you lived here Amber: 🤔 7 months in like a week Amber: it'd be cooler if it was 9 when we met so I may have to start lying Cosmo: probably isn't very ✌&❤ of you but I won't tell Amber: how long have you lived here? Cosmo: forever Amber: then you've gotta have a fave place you can take me to! Amber: I will fight you if you say it's the gym Cosmo: wouldn't want that 😂 Cosmo: I don't know Cosmo: give me time to think Amber: I'm fine with you sending an owl but no 🐍 please Cosmo: 🦁? Amber: I don't know the etiquette of them coming to tea, it's always tigers Amber: but I wouldn't be popular with the rest of the animals here Cosmo: rude but realistic way to describe your housemates? Amber: 😂 Amber: when I do sleep outside so I guess the 🐓🐄🐎🐖🐏🐑🦙🐐 kinda are my roommates Cosmo: my dad just got a puppy Amber: 📸? Cosmo: [insta that's clearly the dad's gf] Amber: 🥰 Cosmo: yeah, pretty cute Amber: I'm mad you're so law abiding honestly Amber: really wanna steal it Cosmo: how'd you work that one out? Amber: I've never met anyone as hung up about a girl coming through an open window Cosmo: 🙄 Amber: if you wanna say it was because it was me ⭐ I'm fine with that, obviously Cosmo: it's not about you Cosmo: 💔 I know Amber: you could've lied to give me a compliment! Amber: [adorable pouty selfie] Cosmo: stop it Amber: [another one like no I shan't] Cosmo: 😒 Amber: you're not gonna show me your real face? Cosmo: [his own pouty selfie back] Amber: you should do that when the referee is being rude, I think it would work Cosmo: missed that scandal Cosmo: worse luck Amber: those would be prying questions, being a ravenclaw 🤓 wouldn't be an excuse to go that hard Cosmo: it was in the 🗞s Cosmo: it was a coach though, and before my time Amber: I'm not a journalist looking for a scoop, promise Cosmo: what are you looking for? Amber: 🥧 but there were none cooling on your windowsills Cosmo: sorry to disappoint Amber: you didn't Amber: everything turned around Cosmo: you were just glad it weren't Dash Amber: at first Cosmo: that makes two of us Amber: you were helpful, I'm gladder about that Cosmo: you're welcome Amber: I know, I'll be back Cosmo: alright Arnie Amber: I wouldn't be a good stalker if I just left Cosmo: I won't say I've had better Cosmo: you'll 🥺 again Amber: no I won't Amber: you like it too much Cosmo: psh Cosmo: piss off Amber: 👀👆 you're not getting me away from your windows that easily Cosmo: ugh Amber: how many have you had? Cosmo: stalkers? Cosmo: just a few Amber: and out of the few, who's better than me? Cosmo: you aren't stalking them too Amber: well give me a number Cosmo: why? Amber: because I won't have to 🥺 if I know Cosmo: well, I went out with them so it's a different scale Amber: have all your girlfriends stalked you? Cosmo: no Cosmo: just some of them Amber: okay, I'll avoid raising a red flag Cosmo: ? Amber: if you thought all your exes were crazy... Cosmo: nah Cosmo: these were dates Cosmo: not girlfriend girlfriends Cosmo: they were fine, obviously Amber: I love that you go on dates, 9 Cosmo: what do you mean Amber: who does that? I'm picturing like 🤵💐 Cosmo: shut up Amber: I'm not making fun of you Amber: you're ⭐ it's no surprise you have girls 🤩 Cosmo: still Amber: I'm just jealous that no boys are 🤵💐 for me Cosmo: sure Amber: maybe I'll meet a gentleman in the club Cosmo: maybe you're not gonna do that Amber: don't put a hex on me, please Cosmo: not gonna watch you get with some creep who 'doesn't know' you're underage Amber: if you're the only 🤵💐 in an acceptable age range, I feel sad for every girl who lives here Amber: you can't date all of us Cosmo: you'll be gone soon and that won't be your problem Amber: pardon? Amber: where am I going? Cosmo: somewhere with more hammocks Cosmo: less 🐔s Amber: I'm not done here Amber: you haven't even built me a pool yet Cosmo: who am I? 💰💰💰 Amber: yes? Amber: ⚽⭐🏆🥂🤵 Cosmo: ha Cosmo: not yet Amber: unless my mama breaks up with her boyfriend, you probably will be before I leave though Cosmo: that why you move? Amber: we came here because my dad left his girlfriend, but that isn't usually why Amber: they like to go where they feel needed, professionally Cosmo: hm 👌 Amber: what are you saying to me, boy? Cosmo: nothing you don't already know Amber: but you still can't help yourself, right? Cosmo: that's why I didn't actually say it Amber: valiant attempt Cosmo: what, I should have said nothing? Amber: you should say what you want to, whether that's nothing or something Amber: I don't mind, whatever you're avoiding telling me I'll have heard before Cosmo: Whatever, it isn't my business Amber: it isn't plenty of people's but they have plenty to say Cosmo: I mean I don't care Amber: unfriendly but honest Cosmo: why should I Amber: why should you care about me? Amber: if that's a question you're posing, I don't think you should Cosmo: and you about me Cosmo: we don't know each other Amber: if you don't have the time, space or willingness to get to know me, that's fine Amber: but if you're open to it, that's where I'm coming from Cosmo: I don't think I can Amber: because of you or because of me? Cosmo: because of my life Amber: okay Cosmo: it is what it is Amber: it's your life Cosmo: yeah Amber: I'm sorry for being pushy Cosmo: don't apologize Cosmo: you don't need to Amber: I feel like I've done the wrong thing so I do Cosmo: I'm sorry it feels like that then Cosmo: I didn't plan it Amber: how could you? I like invaded your life 🛸 Cosmo: you didn't intend to do that either Amber: but I could've just gone back out of the window, I didn't, so there's the first wrong thing Cosmo: you didn't know Cosmo: if I was different Amber: that's why I called it the first one, because I built on it once I was more aware Amber: you've spelled it out a few times Cosmo: you were just being a nice person Amber: a nice person would take the hint Cosmo: it's not your fault Cosmo: seriously Amber: it's not yours either Cosmo: it is Amber: you can't force it to be right, the timing or whatever Amber: your life is full Cosmo: it's not Cosmo: our lives don't go together in any way Amber: they could, but I'm not gonna force that on you any more than I have Cosmo: I promise they couldn't Cosmo: I like you Cosmo: I've thought about it, any way or every way possible Amber: that doesn't make sense to me, we could be anything together Cosmo: because you can be anything Cosmo: I can't Cosmo: I have things I have to be, no discussion Amber: I know, I might not fully understand but I've been listening Amber: ⚽⭐🏆🥂🤵 Cosmo: it's more serious than it sounds Cosmo: it's the only thing I'm good at Amber: I'm not making fun of you about this either Amber: I couldn't be more undecided about what I wanna do, it's not a bad thing that you've worked that out Amber: I'm not saying it is, I wouldn't Cosmo: I know, you're a nice person Cosmo: whatever else I've said, seriously or otherwise Cosmo: it isn't even like it's a choice Cosmo: it's something I have to do Amber: I'm obviously not nice if you feel like you have to defend your entire life Amber: you don't need to do this, explain like you owe me anything Cosmo: I'm just trying to explain why we wouldn't work, I want to Amber: how does it work with your other friends? Cosmo: they're all on the team Amber: so you don't see them outside of games and training? Cosmo: no, we go out too, like I said Cosmo: but games and training is the majority of my time Cosmo: the rest is home Amber: why can't we go out too? Amber: sometimes Amber: at least a few of your teammates must have girlfriends or whatever, it's not like I'd have to be the only girl there Cosmo: they all do Cosmo: but they usually aren't invited Cosmo: but there'll still be girls there Amber: if you want this to work, we can start there then Amber: I'll show up Saturday and whenever after Cosmo: was my mum home when you came over Cosmo: before Amber: I don't think so Amber: he said nobody was Cosmo: alright Amber: I haven't met her and if I do you don't have to worry about me announcing how we met Cosmo: I don't know why I brought it up Cosmo: it's not that though Amber: whatever is worrying you about her, you don't have to add the possibility of that conversation to it, is all I mean Amber: I had sex with your brother and came back like a stalker and a thief, I know it's strange Cosmo: I'm her carer Amber: but Dash is at the commune more than I am Amber: when does he help? Cosmo: he was never any good at any of it Cosmo: she can do a lot herself, but her work exhausts her so when she's home she does need help, just makes sense Amber: he still has to be there to try Amber: when my dad gets in one of his moods, it's hard on everyone but I wouldn't be anywhere else Cosmo: well he don't Cosmo: but I can do it fine on my own Amber: he's worse than I thought Cosmo: that's not why I told you Cosmo: I'm busy, you know, all the time Cosmo: but saturday Cosmo: we can do saturday Amber: I know but he is Amber: everything shouldn't fall on you Cosmo: it's whatever Amber: his life is far from full Amber: it's unacceptable Cosmo: don't think your 😠 face with cut it Ambs Amber: I'm not gonna charge up to him and demand he changes his life, he wouldn't listen and it'd just add to your stress Amber: I don't wanna do that Cosmo: I appreciate it Cosmo: don't worry about him, I don't Amber: it's about you, and your mama Amber: what about your dad? Cosmo: They split when I was 10 Cosmo: they don't hate each other or anything but it's day to day shit so, defeats the point of the split if he's there for every dinner, every bed time, like Amber: can you talk to him about how you feel though? Cosmo: I could Cosmo: but I don't need to Amber: as long as you have someone you can, for if you do need to Cosmo: do you? Amber: I can talk to my parents about everything, except the 🐘 in the room Amber: they'll say mental health is as important as physical when it's not their own, you know Cosmo: sure, no topic is off-limits Cosmo: but you won't get an actual answer Amber: they'd like to think they're unique... Cosmo: wouldn't we all Cosmo: no one is though Amber: you missed another opportunity to compliment me there Cosmo: sorry Cosmo: wouldn't seem like one when unique = mental Amber: I could be, we don't know each other well Amber: yet Cosmo: maybe Cosmo: I'll save unique for later then Cosmo: you've had nice, don't be greedy Amber: 👼🏽👌🏽 Cosmo: angelic is a bit of a stretch but Cosmo: alright Amber: because you don't like agreeing with me Cosmo: just because we don't agree, doesn't mean I take any pleasure in it, like 😏 Amber: what do you take pleasure in? I'll do more of it Cosmo: quite the proposition Amber: think about it and 💌 me Cosmo: I will Amber: but being serious, are you at home? Cosmo: why? Amber: because this conversation got more serious than 'thanks for the necklace, I love it' and I wanna make sure you're fine Amber: but if I do a doorstep welfare check I promise not to quote from the bible Cosmo: you don't need to do that Cosmo: I'm good Amber: I won't come in, you can just 😏 and I'll know you're okay Cosmo: [sends selfie like there you go] Amber: slytherin response Cosmo: 🙄 you take the piss Amber: if I have another gift for you, will you wanna see me then? Cosmo: you trying to buy my ❤? Amber: you said bribery works so if I need to buy a real 😏 Cosmo: I didn't mean for the conversation to get that serious Cosmo: it's not my chat-up line Amber: even if you only opened up because you were thinking we wouldn't have to see each other again, it doesn't matter Amber: you needed to talk Amber: it wouldn't have been as easy at the club or the gym Cosmo: you aren't going to just forget it happened, are you Amber: do you want me to? Cosmo: it'd be easier Amber: because you wish you hadn't told me or because you're embarrassed Cosmo: I wish I hadn't told you Cosmo: but not because it's you Cosmo: well, kind of Cosmo: I don't need help or sympathy or anything Amber: I'll forget after I've delivered your 🎁 Amber: you maybe could as well, after it, there's a clue Cosmo: oh, I get it Cosmo: trying to get me hooked with a free taste Amber: not a dealer, remember Cosmo: likely story Amber: you'll 👀 Amber: I'll knock 9 times Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: I might answer before you manage that Amber: I knew you wanted to see me, boy Cosmo: you're alright to look at Amber: I know that too but thanks Cosmo: 😏 Amber: if you're already smirking there's no way I'm gonna tell you that you're beautiful too Cosmo: you already did Amber: when I properly do it'll hit differently Cosmo: yet more drug talk Cosmo: one-track mind, thought I was bad Amber: 😂

[kae-karo]

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow 

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset​ thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why? 

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories 

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10) 

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #phan #danandphilgames #sims #devan #vid analysis #anon #ask #kt

[datapadz]

So the Disney insta randomly brought up Phantom Menace today and I was thinking about what a total game changer that movie was for me. I was the target demo when it came out (I was 9, so yes, I am an Old) and it was wild because I was raised in like, a severely patriarchal household where even though I enjoyed the other SW movies as much as my brother did (probably more lbr), I never got any of the toys (it was a he would get SW for gifts and I'd get Barbies situation lol) but after Phantom and Padmé busting onto the scene something finally clicked for my parents that I liked this and was REALLY into it, and I've never been terribly close with them so it was a big deal that they understood me even in this small shred of a way. I know this is weird and probably doesn't make sense but here's a pic of a bunch of my beloved action figures from that era that I still have. Anyway thank you for coming to my Ted Talk that I'll probably delete later lmfao

#★──if i had a life i'd hate it! ■ ooc #I forgot i agreed to meet someone for drinks tonight #@ death hmu #I'm so bored at work my godddd #s/o to the rest of yall that have less than healthy relationships with ur parents #u are strong and u will be okay