#and then immediately going to one of the grandparents ive met like. once. im really gonna puke

[the-sanders-sides]

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T. 

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!” 

this introduction pissed logan off 

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends 

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?” 

 it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning: 

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior. 

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers. 

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism. 

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs 

c. the classes are harder 

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy. 

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma 

#logan sanders #logince #virgil sanders #roman sanders #desi #desi headcanons #sanders sides #mine #please love this #r #l #v

[selfcareparker]

hi aria <3 (i just noticed “love letters only” LMAO well good thing this is one of those 😌) it’s lovely anon, sorry for being a shit friend lol but here’s everything i’ve had drafted to send you (well not everything! that would be a lot HAHA)

this is more recent but: can’t wait for the blurb!! (you said it was a blurb right? i can’t find it on your blog now but it was something hdgshs) and the squeaky sneakers 😭😭 stoppppp i can’t

about your theme and your pants lmao:

aw come on i bet ur theme will look great :) aND IM HAPPY ABOUT YOUR TROUSERS LOL but i’ve really been up to nothing? WAIT THATS A LIE- so school ended (yay!!) and ya know i’m still dancing bUT i didn’t go to rehearsal last night (the 27th) bc i hurt my back :/ long story short i was at my brothers football game and they won (like for the first time lol) and i got really excited, i jumped and when i landed (which was on two feet!) my back immediately hurt. i’m okay though!! i went to the doctor and they said it’s just a backache, take it easy, don’t go to dance until next week so yeah :)

update!!! i went to dance last night (the 3rd), almost had an anxiety attack because the it’s the sECOND TO LAST REHEARSAL UNTIL THE SHOW AND I FEEL LIKE IM STILL LOOKING LIKE SHIT 🙃 but my teachers are really nice and they told me i look goooodddd and it’s fineeee so it calmed me down a bit :)

i’m still singing too, i’m in this group which i hate lol but my mom unfortunately said i should finish it out, 1) bc my younger brother is in it and he’s really excited about it which ya know yea i get it, and i don’t mind, 2) bc she paid for it 😭😭 but yeah i can’t wait until that’s over!!

clearly i am very nervous about everything haha anyway, i’m gonna be active more though . i miss talking to you, like a lot lol & i feel like it doesn’t come through BC IM NEVER ACTIVE 😭 but i think you’re the coolest person and whenever i see you post or reblog i’m like ARIA!!! so. love u girl, expect me to blow up your ask box and make u sick of me 🙃 (kidding lol, also i’ve been using that emoji a lot recently..)

ALSO ONE OTHER THING THAT IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU: there was a thing you reblogged AGES AGO and it was about kids who want their parents to get divorced lmao and how they’re awesome. anyway THANKS HAAH, this is probably so random, but anyway i’ve given you like bits and pieces of my home life but i can’t wait for my mom and dad to split up lol like honESTLY WAITING FOR IT

god this makes me sound bored, lonely, and depressed. #lonely anon is really coming through huh. but how’ve you been? just tell me all about it, clearly i’m doing nothing so <3

Snsjsh i forgot to post the blurb (idk if i should call it a blurb or not tbh?) lmao i got nervous and saved it to my drafts even though i had it scheduled for 45 mins ago </3 but i’ll post it after i respond to this ask (idk why but i was so excited reading your ask dksjmm <333)

Omg no need to apologise!!! Also you can literally send me everything and anything you want i’ll always be excited every time lmaoo even if it’s a lot, that’s even better!!!!

I was about to say get well soon but you said you had your rehearsal so that means your back is better i assume (and hope) which is amazing ❤️ (also congrats to your brother <3 i died when you said it was the first time they won aufisjssjk)

GOOD LUCK (even though you don‘t need it 😌 i‘m with your teachers on this one!) FOR YOUR SHOW I KNOW YOURE GONNA BE AMAZING AAAHH💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Oh also i realised i dont even know what type of dance you do?

Not the singing group thingjfjhh😩 But yeah like your mom said it‘ll probably be amazing for your brother! And idk which one you‘re talking about so idk how old he is but i‘m sure in the future he‘ll be grateful and think it‘s cool that you got to do it together 🥺!!!! but also it‘ll probably be over soo quick and you‘ll be like oh that was quick so. (What was that Sentence dkdjdjjd)

I get that you‘re nervous tho :( but i hope it‘s not a constant state of anxiety and maybe you can change it into being excited about it (isn‘t that what Tom always says? I don‘t find it very helpful 💀 but maybe you do <3)

Dkdkdkdk the parent thing 😭 my parents used to argue alllllllll the time and i‘d like cry in my room every night lmao (is this too personal? lnaodjdkd i mean i feel comfortable with you so idc) and my mom/mum (lol) still says why did i marry your father? at least once a week and I know she MEANS it too but💀 i mean idk what exactly your situation is but i know everything‘ll turn out the best way possible (yk on a long term basis) and maybe you‘ll get two Christmases so that‘s good difkldndns

Okay what‘s new with me.... nothing lmao. I think i‘ll get my driver‘s license soon like i was supposed to have my test in june but that‘s probably not happening so i hope my test will be during the beginning of july because mid/late july i have exams and that‘s already enough stress :( (also i feel like i‘ve been talking about my driving for like six months and still don‘t have my license eldjdkdj (or is it licence???? I think license is the verb but idk) BUT! that‘s just because i didn‘t have any lessons between december and march? because of covid and i‘ve been just waiting to get a test date since april 😭 but because of covid everything is taking so long and yeah </3

Talking about driver‘s license (🥴) i have finally listened to more olivia rodrigo songs and i reallly dont like the sad ones bc they give me anxiety tbh (but most sad songs do so), but i like brutal and jealousy, jealousy (or is it called jealous, jealous? Idk). I have no idea if you even like her but i remember how you said deja vu was good so maybe you like her?

Also I‘m getting my first covid vaccine next week (i know the US is way ahead of us lol but I’m getting mine very early like most of my friends couldn‘t get theirs yet so) BUT i‘m scared that i have covid 😭😭 i went to a friend‘s house the other day and she was gonna walk me home but then we met people from some of her uni courses and i didn‘t mind them (don’t know how i managed that without an anxiety attack tbh) but we were very close and i accidentally hugged one of them dkdkdjdj (accidentally because i forgot covid exists) andddd i‘ve had a cough for a few days but i‘m probably (most likely) just paranoid. also idk if i should cancel my driving lesson which is friday (one day after my jab)(is the word jab a british thing? my (british) grandparents keep saying jab)

Uni has been a bit boring to be honest shdldhsldh but i guess boring is better than hard? not much to talk about theresjdkdkd

Snsnsjsh well i hope you‘re doing well otherwise and i know you‘ll slay your performance and the singing thing will be over soo quick so yeah. you can always come to my inbox (even with non love letters (tbh i thought i‘d changed that to just say letter box dudlfhdkdk)) 💘💘💘💘 love youuuuuu

#lovely anon #<3