#and there may be a couple more but i'll keep those a secret.....

[hollandorks]

fright

battinson! bruce wayne x gn! reader

summary: in the midst of investigating a drug that kills people with their own fear, Bruce is drugged.

**not affiliated with middle of the night**

a/n: I'm back with something new, finally! I've been wanting to write this for a while, just for fun, because the battinson brain rot still hasn't gone away in over a year. Hopefully I'll be doing more oneshots from here on out! I tried to make this reader as gender neutral as possible but if I slipped up anywhere let me know so I can fix it!

word count: 7081

The abandoned subway station is cold and damp but comfortingly familiar. 

Alfred had simply waved you downstairs to get started on your work while Bruce was out on patrol. That was one thing about constantly being around a vigilante–it turned you into a night owl, the changes almost imperceptible until you can no longer fall asleep on your own before two in the morning, even in the comfort of your own apartment. Sometimes you aren’t sure if it was because you’re used to working late on your nights working with Bruce…

Or if you couldn’t fall asleep until you knew Gotham’s vigilante was home safe again after another night. 

So since you’re a night owl these days, you’ve taken to doing your work in the darkest parts of the night, comfortable with commuting after dark. Though Alfred and Bruce both insisted on you keeping a guest room in Wayne Tower when you work late, as neither of them are comfortable with you walking Gotham alone at night. Sometimes the city’s resident vigilante watches over you, but for those other times–those other times you stay in the drafty room set aside for you, one floor below Bruce’s bedroom. 

You aren’t sure you’re supposed to know where Bruce’s bedroom is, exactly. But unbeknownst to the man himself, you’ve helped Alfred twice now haul his huge frame to bed when he’d passed out from either exhaustion or severe injuries. And as it was, it never came up in conversation that you had seen his bedroom, the space just as cluttered as the subway station belowground was. 

You wouldn’t admit, either, that may or may not have snooped. His bedroom was neat, but organized in a way only his mind seemed to understand, the same as where he kept everything Batman-related. The bedroom closet was full of dark colors and clothes that were at least a decade old, and a full row of the black work boots he preferred to wear with his armor, some scuffed and torn beyond recognition, a couple of pairs almost new. 

It isn’t a secret, exactly, but you knew Bruce well enough by now to know he probably wouldn’t like that you’d seen his bedroom without permission. 

It’s his bedroom you think of now as you sit down to work at your designated desk in the abandoned station. The space was less lived in that the basement around you. Did Bruce prefer the bats for company? Or was the tower above too full of ghosts for him to face? Either way, he spends more of his time downstairs than up. There’s even a ratty secondhand couch shoved to one side where he seems to do most of his sleeping. You’ve seen him crash there more times than you could count. 

You stretch already-cold fingers and boot up the multiple computer screens that have become yours even though you only own the laptop. 

You’ve been working with him for a few months now, the connection pure chance, as most things in your life were. Your move to Gotham, your skill with computers, your meeting with a kevlar-covered vigilante. It was all chance, a force you believe in almost as much as you believe in gravity. 

It had been a beautiful night that night, which really should have been your first clue that it was all going to hell. You were taking a simple walk to clear your head after a long day at work. You’d hated the corporate job you were working at, which was, ironically enough, at Wayne Enterprises. 

That night was the first time you were acquainted with Gotham’s dark, violent underbelly. It was also the first time you met the man you’d thought was simply an urban legend–the Batman, a shadow turned savior at the moment you thought it would all be over. 

He’d disappeared as your thanks rose to your lips, swallowed up by the night before you could utter the words. 

The second time you met Batman was by chance, too. You’d gotten some information on a crime and, well, you had done the not-so-smart thing and used your computer skills to follow the lead. 

Batman had followed the same lead through different methods. 

Showing up at the same place at first led him to suspect you, but once you’d pulled out your laptop and proven how you’d gotten the information by using Gotham’s surveillance cameras to track the assholes down, he was curious. He wanted you to show him exactly how you’d done it. He’d revealed his curious mind to you that night, and that was the first piece of him you developed a crush on. 

The sharp jawline didn’t hurt, either. 

You smile to yourself as your fingers work over the keyboard to the computer in front of you. These days, he has you scouring surveillance cameras, police scanners, and internet forums for leads on cases. You also have your not-so-legal hacking skills to accomplish those things. And that’s in between the research you do on current cases. Not to mention the extra work you do behind his back to keep Batman’s identity from ever getting out–not that he needs to know that, not yet. It’s mostly deleting everything you can get your hands on that discusses his possible identity, whether it’s really far off base or a little too close to home.

It’s a lot of work, but you love it. You’d barely given it a thought when Bruce–before you’d known his identity–had asked you to help him. You’d said yes before the question had been fully finished. 

Tonight, Bruce is staking out the seedier parts of Gotham trying to track down a new drug. At least, you think it’s a new drug. Several people have turned up dead, their features marred by their own hands, with something unknown in their bloodstreams. The medical examiner said it seemed as if they had all been…frightened to death, the levels of cortisol and adrenaline in their blood sky high. 

Right now you have your computers working in the background to monitor police chatter, any hints from the dark web, and anything else you can think of to track down the source of the drug. While the program works to search for keywords and phrases on one of your three monitors, the other two screens are split between all of the ME reports and the information on each victim and real-time video feeds from every camera in the city you can get your hands on. 

Bruce doesn’t know that you’re trying to watch his back while working the case. 

You worry about him, even though he’s probably the most capable person you’ve ever met. 

The third time you’d met him he’d shown up at your apartment bleeding everywhere. He hadn’t even known he was bleeding everywhere. He’d gotten into a fight while tracking you down to get you to use your skills on another case and simply ignored his injuries in favor of keeping his goal. 

Luckily, a few days earlier you’d sliced your finger open while cooking and had some of the weird liquid bandaid stuff you’d been using. There’d been a ghost of a smile on Bruce’s face when you’d run and gotten it for him. He’d thanked you softly, and then gone back to being all-business as you worked on the gash on his arm. As you’d bandaged the cut, he told you about the case he was working, and how your computer skills would really help him out. 

He started turning up more frequently after that, asking for help on cases. Until the day he’d asked if you wanted a permanent position helping him–paid and everything. 

And now here you were, in his innermost circle, allowed to know everything about him. At least, as much of everything as he let anyone know. 

Your computer pings right as Bruce grunts over the comms. It’s another thing he might not know about, your nightly tuning in to the comms as he goes out. Not that you aren’t allowed, but it’s something you won’t admit to unless directly questioned. 

You sit up straight so fast it sends your desk chair rolling backwards. Fumbling for the edge of your desk to pull yourself forward, you frantically click through tabs to figure out where the alert was coming from. 

A connection. 

Your breath leaves in a rush as you scan the information. 

Then you’re scrambling back for the comms, flipping the mic on, and trying to string a coherent sentence together.

“I found a lead,” you finally manage. It sounds like he’s in the middle of a fight. Oops. You push on, knowing he can hear you even if he can’t respond. “They were all patients at Arkham Asylum at some point. And they all were treated by the same doctor, Jonathan Crane.” 

Bruce starts cursing. There’s a strange hissing noise over the comms. You lightly shake the computer, trying to figure out the source of the static. 

“I know,” he finally says. The hissing has stopped, but now there’s a new noise. A familiar noise. The sound of his motorcycle revving to life. 

“Wh–how?” you say, unsure how he found out before you did. 

There’s more cursing and the sound of the bike speeding up. 

“I’m–shit.” He coughs. “I’m on my way back. Tell Alfred to–” His breath stutters for a moment. “I don’t–” 

“Please tell me you haven’t been stabbed to death,” you say with more bravado than you feel. With one hand, you text Alfred to come downstairs with the first aid kit. 

But the comms have gone silent. Bruce is breathing heavily, the only way you know he’s still there.

“Where were you hit?” you ask. “What street? How bad is it?” 

No answer. Bruce makes a noise that raises every hair on your body. 

It sounds like he’s…afraid.

You scramble to pull up every feed you have and find out where he’s been so you could see what happened. 

In all your months knowing him, you’ve never heard Bruce make such a noise. You’ve never heard him afraid like that. Something about it raises every hair on the back of your neck. 

You search camera after camera on the streets of Gotham, looking for any sign of Bruce at the moment he said he was on his way back. You curse quietly to yourself, the sound of Bruce’s motorcycle engine through the comms filling the echoing space around you. 

Then–there. Grainy as all get out and the only angle is available from a building across the street. But it’s him–there’s no denying the hulking shadow that is the Batman. He’s helping someone, a woman who appears to be screaming though the video has no audio attached. She thrashes and hits at Bruce, seemingly hysterical. 

Then she goes utterly still. You realize that it was about this time where you flipped the comms on to listen. 

Someone steps out of the shadows of the alley in front of them and there’s a sudden small cloud of fog. 

Bruce darts away, hopping on his motorcycle as the figure moves fully into the light. He–because you can see now that it’s a man–looks down at the woman dead on the sidewalk. Then his face tilts upward and you see why Bruce said, I know. 

It was the doctor himself, the one who’d been treating all of the dead patients. 

Jonathan Crane. 

Even with the shitty quality, his face is a clear match for the identification photo linked to Arkham. 

You immediately save images of the video for Gordon to see. Here’s the proof you need–this and the Batman’s testimony of an attack surely are enough to at least get Crane investigated properly. 

Hopefully. 

The small printer starts to spit out the pictures as the roar of a familiar engine abruptly cuts off in the tunnels outside of the station. 

You straighten. 

“Bruce?” you call out uncertainly. Normally he comes tearing in, hopping the motorcycle up on the ramp to be worked on and showing off a bit as he does it, or parking haphazardly near his work tables so he can get straight back to work. In the months you’d known him, he’d never stopped outside of the station for any reason. 

Your heart is somewhere near your feet as you tentatively step forward. 

“Bruce?” you say again, this time much quieter. 

You’re suddenly yanked backwards off your feet as a gloved hand presses against your mouth. You squirm, panicked, trying to get away. You lament all the times you refused Bruce’s self defense lessons.

“Shh, be quiet,” a familiar voice says. 

You relax all at once. 

It’s Bruce. 

Even through his armor, you can feel his heart pounding rapidly. His breath comes in sharp gasps that he struggles to keep quiet. 

He lets you turn in his arms. His eyes are wild, panicked. 

“Where are you hurt?” you murmur quietly. Your eyes track over every inch of him. There’s no blood that you can see, but he’s still in his all-black armor and you’re both tucked in the shadows near the hangar door that opens into the tunnels. You probably wouldn’t be able to see the blood if there was any. 

Bruce is still panting like he’s been running. “They’re coming,” he whispers. You frown. You already checked all the cameras from his route home and the security cameras in the tunnel. He came in alone. 

There’s a quiet noise somewhere in the distance, probably just a bat going to bed for the day, but Bruce yanks you close against his chest and whirls with one fist raised. 

Now you’re afraid, too. Has someone followed him all this way and you missed it somehow? Has someone found his inner sanctum? Are you both in danger? 

Another noise startles you both. 

The elevator descending. 

Bruce’s eyes are wild beneath his mask. 

“It’s Alfred,” you whisper, but Bruce seems not to hear you. 

“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” he murmurs into your ear, dragging you along with him into the recessed shadows by the elevator. You stumble along, still tucked against his side, the feeling of his breath on your ear lingering and making you shiver. Even though you’re afraid, you feel safe. “We’ll get you help, I promise.” You’re not sure what you need help with, but you remain quiet. 

Bruce has always protected you, whether he knows it or not. 

He physically protects you, sure, watching your back as the Batman, keeping you safe in a city as turbulent as Gotham. But Bruce also has always looked out for your mental health, too. 

There have always been nights where things are just…bleak, whether or not for any particular reason. You withdraw into yourself during those times, much like Bruce himself does. Somehow he always, always knows how to draw you back out. Sometimes it’s a quiet joke, sometimes a request to help him with something, sometimes it’s only his quiet company as he sits and works next to you. 

So even now, as you fear every moving shadow, every noise, thinking someone might be coming after you…

Even now, you know you’ll be safe and protected with Bruce. 

It’s part of why you love him. 

Not that he’d ever know that. 

“Stay put,” Bruce says into your ear, making you shiver all over again. 

He pushes gently on your shoulders in a stay put motion and steps away on silent feet. Even now his grace surprises you, even after months of watching him, being around him. He is a wonder to behold, a massive shadow that becomes weightless in a single breath. It’s like he becomes incorporeal at will, turning into shadow and smoke before he strikes. 

The elevator gates rattle open and Bruce leaps. 

Alfred is on the ground, first aid kit scattering to all corners of the station with a clatter, in barely a blink.

“Bruce!” you half-shout, the instinct automatic. Your voice overlaps with Alfred’s, the echoes sending the bats into a frenzy overhead. 

Bruce goes utterly still, one fist raised like he’s going to hit Alfred. Alfred of all people. He flinches at the bats but his focus is on Alfred. 

Alfred is as calm as ever despite the figure looming threateningly over him. 

“Are you alright?” he asks. “Are you hurt?” 

“Alfred,” Bruce chokes out and the sound is agonized. He seems paralyzed. “I’m sorry, I was too slow–” 

The three of you don’t move. 

You approach slowly. “Bruce?” you say softly, like he’s a wild animal backed into a corner. Because that’s what he looks like–wild, feral, and most of all, scared. You think of the ME reports and have to bite your lip to distract yourself from the fear that brings. 

“You have to–you have to tie me up,” Bruce says, his arm trembling like he’s holding himself back. “He dosed me with–whatever it is.” His eyes dart around the space. 

You straighten as if shocked. “Dr. Crane did?” 

“Yes, he–” Bruce flinches and then refocuses on Alfred, still beneath him and as calm as ever as if it were an everyday experience. “Oh God. No, no, no. No. I’m sorry.” 

Then Bruce does something even more shocking. 

He sobs.

You startle as if a gunshot has gone off. 

You’ve never heard Bruce cry. You’ve never even really seen him sad. Angry, sure. And frustrated. Those seem to be his two main moods, other than generally quiet. The happiness is rare, but you’ve seen that too. 

But you’ve never, ever heard him cry. 

“Bruce?” you say again, uncertain. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he groans. “I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry.” He scrambles away from Alfred. His eyes are still wild, darting every which way, his expression frantic under the mask. 

Your brain works quickly through all the evidence you’ve been digging into. 

“It’s making him afraid,” you tell Alfred as the older man gets unsteadily to his feet. Bruce whirls and throws a punch, but there’s nothing there. “Whatever he was dosed with, it’s making him afraid.” 

What you don’t tell Alfred is that this drug most likely scared the other victims to death. 

Your heart pounds with enough fear that you wonder briefly if you’ve been dosed too. 

“If he’s like this, he won’t react well to being tied up,” Alfred says, but he starts moving efficiently, pulling zip ties from Bruce’s belt as he fights invisible foes. 

In one swift movement, Alfred grabs Bruce’s wrist, kicks him in the back of one knee, and grabs the other wrist. 

You gape as he tightens Bruce’s hands behind his back even as he thrashes. 

“No!” Bruce shouts. “Let me go! I have to get there before it’s too late! No!” 

“How did you–?” You stare at Alfred with your mouth open slightly. Alfred is a man of many hidden talents, apparently. 

“We need to get him more secure,” Alfred says, still calm as ever. And maybe, with as long as he’s been around Bruce, this sort of thing is normal. You’ve only been around a few months–Alfred’s been around since the beginning. You wonder just how many times Bruce has gotten himself into messes like this. 

Alfred grunts as Bruce tries to get away. Apparently, Alfred’s strong, even with an old leg injury. You hold the man in high esteem but it just gets higher as you watch him. 

“Tell me what to do,” you say as you straighten your spine. Bruce needs you, and that’s all that matters. You need him to make it through the night–that’s your focus right now. 

“See if you can calm him down long enough for us to get him upstairs. His bed should be sturdy enough for us to tie him to.” Alfred grunts and manages to shove Bruce back to his knees as he rises. 

You quickly kneel in front of Bruce and take his face in your hands. “Bruce? It’s me. It’s okay. Alfred and I are okay.” 

Bruce’s eyes roll around without focus. His breathing is even worse now, each breath rasping out of his chest, his whole body heaving with it. 

You try to push the memory of the crime scene photos out of your mind. Bodies twisted with fear. People who were dosed with whatever this was who died scared out of their minds. 

You’re terrified for Bruce, but you push it away. 

“Bruce, please,” you say, softer now, fingers pressed tightly against his cheeks. You can feel the slight scrape of stubble on your palms. 

Bruce’s brilliant blue eyes finally meet yours. “No,” he says and the desperate word is like a bullet to your heart. His whole body strains towards you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t die.” 

“Bruce, I’m okay,” you say. Your hands fumble before gripping the mask and pulling it off. Bruce cringes away. “I’m okay, I’m not dying.” Your fingers card through his hair. Damp with sweat, it sticks up with the movement. Bruce leans into the touch, and his breathing seems to ease slightly. 

“Y/n,” he mumbles. His eyes close for a second. 

“Bruce, let’s get you upstairs,” Alfred says in a low voice. 

Somehow, the pair of you get him up, hands still tied behind his back, and into the elevator. Bruce keeps repeating his apologies, every sound from his lips pained and terrified. 

“Alfred we need to–to get the drug out of his system somehow, if we can. I don’t know what else to do.” You whisper the words because you’re worried about setting Bruce off even further. You hold tight to his armored elbow. 

“I can get an IV started once we get him settled, that might work.” Alfred furrows his brow. “Y/n…how bad is this drug? What have you found in your research?” 

You hesitate, staring up at Bruce for a moment. His arms jerk in their restraints, but there’s nowhere for him to go in the small space of the elevator. “I don’t know how many people were dosed with it and survived,” you finally admit. 

Alfred goes still and stares at you while absently wrangling Bruce back into the corner. “How many died?” 

“I don’t know. Five, I think. Three for sure. Bruce watched a woman die from it right before he got hit in the face with it.” You chew your lip. Your eyes fill with tears as you meet Bruce’s anguished blue eyes.

“Then we will do everything in our power to keep him alive,” Alfred swears. “After he’s secured, I’ll get the IV started first and then we’ll make sure to monitor his vitals. If it gets too bad…” 

“He won’t be happy if he has to go to the hospital,” you say, but part of you wants to insist that you take him anyway. 

“No!” Bruce shouts as the elevators open. 

You don’t know what he’s responding to, but suddenly he’s frantic again, whatever slight semblance of calm he had in the elevator abruptly gone. He aims a kick at the wall and somehow leverages his bound hands in front of him. 

Alfred curses and shoves Bruce against the same wall. He braces the younger man with his whole body but his bad leg trembles. 

“Go get the medical bag!” Alfred says. “We need to sedate him.” 

You pause. “But what if something reacts with the drug?” 

Alfred curses again. “There’s nothing else to do. We’ll give him as low a dose as we can and keep an eye on him. Go!” 

So you run. Your feet slip over dusty hardwood floors as you scramble as fast as you can for Alfred’s medical bag. The bag is full of everything Alfred might need in a Batman-related emergency in case Bruce couldn’t make it home or even upstairs. The first aid kit is for general injuries–this bag is for when things go to hell. 

It feels as if hours have passed in the short amount of time it took to grab the bag. When you reach the elevator again, Alfred and Bruce are gone. You can hear them in Bruce’s bedroom now and hurry towards them. 

“Get his other arm!” Alfred says as he handcuffs one of Bruce’s hands to his massive wood headboard. 

You scramble up on the bed and over Bruce to do as Alfred says. 

“Let me tie you up, Bruce,” you say gently even though you aren’t sure he can hear you. “Please,” you say as he fights your grip. He’s so much bigger and stronger than you, it’s nearly impossible to even get the handcuffs on his wrist, let alone connected to the other side of the headboard. 

“Alfred,” you say around a grunt. You’re fully straddling Bruce now but he doesn’t even seem to notice. He’s seeing things that aren’t there. It sounds like he’s having an asthma attack, he’s breathing so hard and wheezing so much. God, what if he stops breathing and passes out from his panic?

It takes several more minutes of you and Alfred both yanking on Bruce’s arm–because damn is he strong–before he’s finally, finally secured against the headboard. 

You immediately start taking off the armor on his arms as Alfred preps the IV. You sit on Bruce’s legs to stop his incessant kicking, murmuring soothing words to him the whole time. You and Alfred will both be covered in bruises tomorrow, but you don’t even notice any pain at the moment. 

Bruce freaks out when Alfred sticks the needle in his arm. He shouts wordlessly and thrashes so hard the bed moves away from the wall. You curse under your breath and get off of him. 

“Hold this arm as best you can,” Alfred says. 

“Who knew he could cause so much damage while handcuffed?” The joke comes out wobbly, though, your worry seeping through your words. Even leaning all of your body weight on Bruce, he still makes it nearly impossible for Alfred to get the IV in.

You both breathe a sigh of relief when it finally goes in. Alfred works quickly and efficiently, still the perfect picture of calm even though he must be freaking out as much as you are–if not more. 

After another minute, Bruce relaxes marginally. He stops trying to escape and settles back into the pillows, still awake and staring with wild eyes around the room. Every so often he jerks one of his restraints, as if testing them.

You blow out another breath. 

“I’m going to monitor his pulse and blood pressure,” Alfred says as he pulls the necessary things out of the giant medical bag. “We’ll have to keep an eye on him until the drug passes through his system.” 

You nod, staring down at Bruce, feeling utterly helpless. How are you supposed to fight someone’s own mind? There’s nothing you can do that isn’t being done already–and there’s still no guarantee Bruce will survive.

As quick as it comes, you shut the thought down. Bruce will make it through this, even if it kills you. 

You finish undoing his chest plates and set them to the side. You brush Bruce’s hair back from his face. 

“You’ll be okay,” you say solemnly. “You’re too stubborn to die, and Alfred and I are too stubborn to let you.” When you look up, Alfred is frowning at the blood pressure machine and the pulse oximeter on Bruce's finger. “What?” 

“Talk to him again,” is all he says. 

You raise an eyebrow but turn back to Bruce. “Who knew Alfred was so strong, huh?” you say, aiming for lightness, but the words seem to fall short. 

You reach out and smooth his wild, dark hair. 

Alfred’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “I think you calm him down, my dear.” 

It’s your turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

“Whenever you talk or touch him, his pulse drops a little and his breathing gets easier.” Alfred gives you a knowing look. 

Alfred’s the only one who knows about your crush on Bruce. He’s told you, repeatedly, to admit your feelings, but you’re too scared. Bruce is so far out of your league it’s laughable. Just because he trusts you enough with his secret doesn’t mean he feels the same way you do. Bruce has so few friends–his only two are, in fact, you and Alfred–that you know he opened up simply because he could. Bruce needed a friend, a confidant, a partner. You were able to give him that. That’s all. 

You stare at Alfred then, resigned, climb up over Bruce to sit by his head. 

“How about a scalp massage?” you ask Bruce. “Because apparently it makes you feel calmer.” 

Alfred chuckles. “His mother used to do that. Rub his head to get him to sleep or to get him to calm down when he was upset.” The older man softens as he stares down at Bruce. 

Something inside you melts. You reach a slightly trembling hand out and run it over Bruce’s head. You feel for a moment like you’re taking advantage of him. You never get to touch him like this, to simply watch him, and you relish it. 

“Here,” Alfred says, handing out a small package. “For the black around his eyes.” 

You take a wipe with your free hand and gently rub at the makeup on Bruce’s face. Both of his arms jerk against the restraints at that first touch. He starts panting hard again. 

“The blood–” he says with a pained moan. “The blood–” 

“There’s no blood, Bruce,” you say. Each touch is careful, gentle. “Everyone’s alright.” 

But he keeps yanking at the restraints. His wrists underneath his long sleeve shirt are turning redder and redder with each movement. 

“I couldn’t save them,” Bruce says around a small sob. He stares at you but you don’t think he actually can see you. “It’s my fault. I couldn’t save them.” 

“Save who?” you ask with one final swipe of the wipe over his eyes. 

“My parents. Alfred.” A tear slips over his cheek. “You.” 

“Alfred and I are alive, Bruce,” you say as you sit back on your heels on the bed. You carefully reach over and tug each of his sleeves over his wrist underneath the handcuffs. 

But Bruce doesn’t hear. “Stop!” he shouts at an unseen foe. “Don’t hurt them!” 

His sleeves have ridden up again, exposing his wrists to the handcuffs. You can see a small bit of blood on the wrist closest to you. 

Alfred hands out a bandage. “This should help.” 

You each bandage a wrist even as Bruce continues struggling. His pleas fade to pained noises that rip your heart out each time. 

“We should give him more of the sedative,” Alfred says. He rubs a hand over his face tiredly. “Where are the autopsy records? Maybe I can find out what this drug contains and see if there’s anything we can safely give him.” 

“They’re all at my workstation downstairs.” 

“I’ll be right back,” Alfred says. He hurries off, his limp even more pronounced now. 

Bruce continues straining against the handcuffs. His face is red with effort, his chest still heaving, the veins on his neck sticking out. He brings his knees up and leverages himself so his back smashes against the headboard. It creaks and groans. 

Whatever Alfred gave him must not have been enough. He’s just as frantic as he was before. Except now he’s trying to break his wrists and the headboard at the same time. 

“Stop that,” you say calmly even as your heart pounds. You wouldn’t put it past Bruce to snap the entire thing trying to get free. You run your fingers through his hair again. He immediately settles somewhat, his tugs on the handcuffs slightly easier. 

You decide to use both hands and give him the promised scalp massage. The longer your fingers work through the tangles, the more he seems to relax. You glance at the small device on his finger. His heart rate is still too high, but it lowers slightly at your prolonged touch. It’ll have to be good enough, you decide. Anything to keep his heart from giving out. 

When you look back up, Bruce is staring into your eyes. 

“I thought–I couldn’t be afraid anymore,” he says quietly. He seems more lucid now. Maybe the dose wasn’t that strong. You silently pray to all the gods and entities that might listen that it’ll be over soon. “But seeing you die–” His breath catches in his chest. “I couldn’t save you.” 

“I’m here,” you say. You wish you could take his fear and pain away, but there’s nothing else you can do. “I didn’t die.” 

Bruce makes a noise in his throat that you can’t comprehend. “It’s my–worst nightmare.” His eyes close. He grimaces. 

You keep trying to sooth him with your fingers in his hair. “You’re hallucinating, Bruce,” you say. “I don’t know if you’re able to tell what’s real right now, but all the bad things? Those are hallucinations.” 

“You’re real,” he murmurs softly. His body is a lot more relaxed. 

“Yes,” you say. “I’m here. I’m real.” 

Alfred bursts back into the room, laptop tucked under his arms. “I think we can give him more.” 

“Are you sure it’s safe?” 

“No, but if this doesn’t work…He’ll need an ambulance.” 

“He seems a lot calmer,” you say. Bruce’s eyes are still closed but he hums. “I don’t think the dose was very strong. He probably took the guy by surprise.” 

Alfred injects something into the IV, and Bruce’s body goes slack after a few moments. Alfred checks his pulse and blood pressure for several quiet moments, watching each of them improve slightly minute by minute. 

“That should do it,” Alfred says. He brushes a hand over his salt and pepper beard. “You can go on to bed, my dear.” 

“No, I’ll–I’ll stay, keep an eye on him. You go.” You expect him to argue, but Alfred nods and leaves you alone with Bruce. 

Now that things are calm, all of your fear and adrenaline start to fade. Bruce isn’t completely out of the woods yet, but he’ll make it. You think.

You think back to the surveillance video you saw. Dr. Crane was likely experimenting on the woman who died when Bruce showed up–and used whatever drug he had leftover on him. So it was likely it hadn’t been a full dose, especially with the way he seemed to calm down some. 

It was lucky. Extremely lucky. You think about the way the force of chance, of luck, has worked in your life so far, and can’t discount this instance either. 

When Bruce wakes up, you’ll give him all of the evidence he needs to get Dr. Crane arrested. You’d call Gordon now, but it’s so late it’s early. It can all wait until you know for sure Bruce is going to be alright. 

Exhausted, you lean back against the pillows next to Bruce. You glance around and can’t help but laugh at the situation. Here you are, in the place you most want to be–in Bruce’s bed–in the least romantic way possible. You don’t even have permission to be here. Bruce will probably ask you to leave once he’s in his right mind again. 

You turn your head to watch Bruce sleep, your own eyes heavy. You want to undo the handcuffs, but you’re afraid he’ll wake up in a panic again. Better to leave them on just in case. 

Without meaning to, your breathing syncs with his. You watch his chest rise and fall and try to let the motion comfort you. You glance at the little device on his finger again and feel even better when you see that his heart rate has calmed significantly. It’s still a bit high, but it isn’t in dangerous territory anymore. 

You always knew being Batman was dangerous. You’ve seen him come back injured a thousand times. A couple of times he was half-dead. But something about this was worse. Maybe because it isn’t an actual injury–it’s his own mind fighting him. His worst nightmares come to life. Bruce is the strongest person you know and seeing him brought low is like…a physical blow. It was terrifying. Bruce had always seemed so…untouchable. Like a man who was never afraid. 

His fear is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever witnessed. 

Your eyes slip closed as you watch him breathe. His bed is startlingly comfortable. You half-expected Bruce with his martyr complex to sleep on a brick. But this bed…this bed is definitely the kind of bed a billionaire would own.

You wake with a jolt sometime later. 

Bruce is watching you. His breath catches and he lets out a long sigh. He closes his eyes and seems to gather himself. 

When his eyes open again a second later, they’re wet. 

“I thought you were dead.�� His voice is rougher and lower than usual, like he’s been screaming. The sound of it scrapes over your skin like sandpaper. 

“I’m not,” you say, still struggling to shake off the cobwebs of sleep. The room is dim. You were pretty sure the lamps had both been on but now only one is lit–and you have a blanket over you now too. Alfred must have come in at some point. 

“I know, but–” He takes another deep breath. The handcuffs rattle as he shifts. “For a moment, I didn’t know if it was real.” 

“What did you see?” you ask slowly. You see the handcuff key sitting on the nightstand closest to you and grab it. 

Bruce shies away from you. “Don’t unlock me yet. I don’t–I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Bruce,” you say. You soften towards him. He’s scared again, but it’s different. You don’t know if it’s a leftover effect of the drug or if it's his propensity for self-flagellation, but he’s afraid of hurting you. “You won’t hurt me. You didn’t even hurt me when you were drugged. You protected me. Granted, it was from nothing, but…” You flash him a smile. He doesn’t return it. “Have you been awake long?” 

He ignores the joke and the question, eyes staring into the middle distance. “I saw…every variation possible of the people I love dying,” he finally says as you unlock the wrist closest to you. He groans quietly as he stretches the arm out. He must be in a lot of pain from having his arms lifted for so long, but he says nothing. “I saw myself killing you. Or I saw someone else hurting you because of me, to get to me. You kept getting hurt and I was always too late to stop it.” He’s breathing hard again. 

You can feel his breath on your face as you lean over him to unlock the other handcuff. 

He catches your wrist and keeps you close, staring up at you. His lashes are long and dark, his blue eyes bright as stars. He’s so beautiful it takes your breath away, even in his disheveled state. You still aren’t used to the sight of him. 

“Y/n, do you hear what I’m saying?” he says, voice almost anguished. 

And your brain finally catches up. 

I saw…every variation possible of the people I love dying. I saw myself killing you. Or someone else hurting you because of me, to get to me. 

You suddenly can’t breathe. People I love. 

“Bruce–” All the other words get caught behind his name. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and yet again you aren’t sure what he’s sorry for. “But seeing all of that–I couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to you without knowing…all of it. The way I feel about you. How badly I–” He shakes his head and presses his lips together. 

You want to pinch yourself. You’re still asleep, right? There’s no way in any universe that Bruce Wayne feels for you like you do for him. 

But he’s including you in the list of people he loves.

You’ve been silent for too long, still hovering over Bruce. His eyes shift away, a wall coming down behind them as he shuts himself off. 

“I just…wanted you to know. That’s all. I won’t mention it again.” There’s a slight pink tint to his cheeks. “It’s okay if you don’t…feel that way about me.” 

“Bruce,” you say again, softer this time. You sit back a little. “I–I’m sorry.” He deflates a little, rubbing one wrist absently. He still isn’t looking at you. “I’m not really good with words, but I want you to know I feel the same way about you.” His gaze snaps to yours. You can feel heat creeping up your neck to settle in your cheeks. “I was so scared last night. I thought–all the other victims we knew about had died and–I couldn’t handle it if you died, too. You are…so important to me.” Your voice catches slightly. 

He reaches for you, calloused hands soft as the touch of a butterfly wing against your cheek. 

“Please tell me this isn’t the drug,” he says after a long moment. 

You grin. “It isn’t. It makes you scared, remember? Are you scared now?” 

He smiles back. The sight of it steals your breath. “I’m terrified.” But his smile only grows wider.

You lean down, very slightly, going slowly so he has time to change his mind. Because it still doesn’t feel real, doesn’t feel possible.

But Bruce stretches his neck up and closes the gap between you. His lips brush yours and you feel a relief so complete you want to melt into the bed. His other hand comes up to join the first and he cradles your face like you’re something valuable, something breakable, something to be cherished. 

As his lips move against yours, your entire body seems to say, Ah, I’ve been waiting for this. 

His mouth parts slightly, an invitation that you quickly take. His hands are still careful against your face, but one of yours fists around his shirt. 

When you pull away, you smile at each other. 

“As much as I want to stay here like this,” you murmur with another kiss pressed quickly to his mouth, “I think we should get Gordon to arrest Dr. Crane as soon as possible.” 

Bruce sighs but nods. “You’re right.” 

“I usually am.” 

He laughs. “And maybe after that’s done with…we can talk more.” 

You can’t help but kiss him again. “Of course. We can talk and kiss.” 

Needless to say, it takes a long time for you and Bruce to get up to contact Gordon. 

#battinson x reader #battinson x you #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x you #batman x reader #batman x you #the batman #the batman 2022 #the batman x reader #the batma fanfic #fright #fright fic #bruce wayne #battinson

[judasgot-it]

Ello o/, I really like your writing style. May i req the reader pretends to be a client but actually a member of the agency but the ADA doesn't remember the reader because they have an ability to make anyone/everyone forget they exist and used it to protect the agency also dazai is the only one who remembers them.

I'm so sorry I took so long to get to this request I've been busy with life and all of that lame stuff

Also, I hope you don't mind but I changed it a Lil to be a two-parter with Ranpo as well, I feel like he would figure it out pretty quickly

Scenario: reader visits the ADA pretending to be a client. Dazai is the only one who remembers them working for the agency. (Dazai, Ranpo)

Part 1; Dazai

"So what brings someone as lovely as you to the agency today?"

Dazai was standing in front of you, giving you his best smile. He was holding your hand and reciting his lines as if you were in a play - although between the two of you, he looked like he was giving a performance for the ages.

"Dazai, you can't flirt with everyone that comes into the agency. You know this."

Kunikida had walked over from his desk, making sure to check up on your conversation. He just wanted to ensure you actually got the help that you needed and weren't swept away by Dazai's antics.

A part of you missed this.

"Oh, we're fine Kunikida. In fact, Dazai was just going to lead me to your consultation room so he could help me with my case."

You were covering for Dazai. Old habits die hard you suppose.

"You know, you shouldn't stress out so much Kunikida, you'll get grey hairs. Actually? I think you have some already!"

Dazai took this as his chance to poke around Kunikida's head, 'showing' him his gray hairs. You had to put a hand over your mouth to stop your laughter as you watched the two of them argue.

"I'll be in the room waiting on you Dazai. I don't have all day, you know?"

You walked out of the room, leading yourself through the building. Nothing really changed since you'd been there, although you could spot a couple of new faces among those working at their desks.

It was nice to see the agency moving on and continuing to grow.

The room was a bit different as well. They had finally replaced the old chairs that had been torn in a fight.

They were now a softer, blue fabric. The room seemed more softer, especially for what the room always brought with it.

"So, you finally decided to come back?"

Dazai appeared behind you, closing the door to the room - giving the two of you some much-needed privacy.

The curtain had closed on your little play.

"Well, only to visit. I'm leaving Yokohama tomorrow so I thought I'd stop by beforehand and see how you were all doing."

You looked behind you to see Dazai smiling. Although, you could clearly tell it wasn't a happy one.

"Let's sit down, I feel like you're going to want to know a bit about where I've been. I'll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret, ok?"

You had already moved to sit down on the small office chairs in the room - they were cozy enough for what would essentially be an interrogation.

Dazai wanted answers from you. Knowing him, he was going to get them one way or another - no matter how nice he was about it.

It was hard to stay silent anyway. He was the only man who really knew your predicament. You had hunches about everyone else, but it wasn't like they could escape your ability.

Even if they had this feeling about you, they couldn't escape the gap in their memories. No matter what, you were just a blindspot to them. The moment they met you, they would forget about you once again.

"You want to know why I left the agency, right?"

The most you left behind was a vague sense of unease. Not knowing why you had a sense of dejavue over a certain book and wondering why you know so much about something.

It was a great ability to have for a vagabond.

Dazai shook his head, placing it between it on his folded hands.

"You caught me there. I know how you did it, but I don't know if I can really figure out your why."

You looked to the window.

"Why did you leave when you were happy? Is it some form of punishment? It's got me really curious."

The view was perfect. Nothing would come and distract you from having to respond to the question.

He caught you, like a bird in flight.

"Because I don't have a choice. The longer I stay anywhere, the more dangerous I become. Right now I am just a ghost - I'm sure the president knows I exist, but can never really put a thumb on it."

You tried to wiggle around in your seat, looking as if you were in complete control.

"But if I stayed, eventually the feeling of being forgotten would wear off. It's painful being ignored, but when it happens all the time I can never feel the pain - I'm numb. But the agency?"

You let a watery smile out. Being in the room, finally talking to someone that wasn't a stranger. Talking to Dazai, who actually remembered you no matter how many times you activated your ability.

It was refreshing.

The walls that you had built up were breaking down.

"We got close. But eventually, I saw that their memory would get spotty, and it was happening again. I can't stand to see the people I love to forget about me, I don't want to become a stranger to them."

You hid your eyes behind your hands, trying to shield them from the sun. That's why they were dripping tears. Telling yourself this helped stave them off.

"So you left before that could happen, right?"

You felt an arm wrap around you, pulling you close.

Dazai's jacket wasn't exactly the softest, but you stayed close as you tried to push back your tears. You knew this visit would be hard, that you would have a hard conversation - but you didn't want to break down.

You tried to mumble out some sort of excuse or apology but your words were failing you.

Which left you with nothing but silence.

"Dazai. Thank you for not forgetting about me."

You took the lapels of his jacket in your hands, pulling him closer. You hadn't hugged someone who wasn't a stranger in so long. This was a feeling you definitely missed since your departure from the ADA.

"Y/n."

Dazai pulled away, bending down so the two of you were face to face. He cupped your face with his surprisingly calloused hands, analyzing you with his soft brown eyes.

He let out a breath, in some emotion that you couldn't really place.

"Anytime."

He backed away, wiping away his serious demeanor with a Cheshire smile.

"Besides. It's not like I have a choice in it. You know, you leave quite the impression on people!"

There was something behind those words. You felt it. The way he missed you, how it was unsaid in the air but was shown in the way he kept eyeing you.

He still kept his hands on you, as if the moment he let go, you would once again fade into a burning memory that only he was cursed to hold. Like so many other moments in his life.

A part of you wanted to stay, just for him. The feeling of his hand on your shoulder as he led you throughout the building, keeping you around so you could talk to the members one last time.

But your mind was unfortunately set.

He was nice enough to introduce you to the new members who had joined in your absence - it was a smart ploy.

He was trying to bide time, keeping an arm wrapped tightly around you while he joked around with Atsuhi about some memories they had a while back.

You could see how he tried to make you seem as if you never had left. As if you were always here.

It was a really smart ploy. It almost made you want to cancel your ability just so you could see everyone understand the inside joke that Dazai had said. One that only now you two understood.

If he was quiet after you had gone, staring at the papers at his desk - well that was, unfortunately, a secret only he would know.

Part 2; Ranpo

You were set to depart Yokohama in less than an hour. In the meantime, you were meandering the train station, biding your time.

After having visited the ADA again, you felt a bit lost. You truly did want to stay - but you felt that the ramifications of that action would be worse than if you continued living as a vagabond.

Your ability altered people's memories to the point that they themself would forget about your existence one day - the curse of being able to run away at a drop of a hat.

You can always run, but seemingly never stay. Somehow, they would always forget about you. Either gradually or suddenly, you knew that it would happen.

Freedom was a blessing, but it always came at a high price.

"Is this line A? I don't really know the system around here well."

Ranpo had sat next to you, making you jump in shock.

He was looking at you, waiting for your answer. He didn't seem to recognize you - not from earlier in the day, and not from when you had worked together.

It was a blessing, you supposed.

You took a breath to calm down.

"Yeah, you have the right one. It's not coming for an hour or so though, so you have time."

You hoped he would walk away. Being near anyone from your past always made you hurt in some way or another.

He seemed stubborn though, drapping his shoulders across the back of the bench and spreading his legs out in front of him - like a starfish on a rock, leaving himself out to sunbathe.

"I think I know you from somewhere. Do I?"

That made you stop.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I just mean - have we met before? You seem familiar. I have a feeling I met you, kind of like..."

He put his hand in his pocket, unwrapping a lollipop.

"I can't put my finger on the word..."

He stuck it in mouth with a loud pop.

"Dejavu?"

You supplied it to him, hoping he would go away. A cold, sinking had settled into your gut.

"Yeah! That's right!"

He looked at you, smiling wide. You realized your mistake when you saw that he had his glasses on.

"That's your ability name, right, Y/n?"

This was when you realized how unsettlingly quiet this station was. The announcement on the intercom felt like it was ringing in your ears.

Ranpo was still staring at you, waiting for you to piece a sentence together.

"Do you remember me?"

The man shrugged, settling back down. He was comfortable enough to take up more of your space than you had realized - his legs brushing up against yours.

"No. But I know that I could - if you let me. The ADA is a detective agency, Y/n. You can't exactly run forever when you have us on your tail."

Ranpo didn't wait for you to comprehend what he was saying. He leaned in close, your noses brushing up against each other.

"You're going to keep coming back."

"So. What are you going to do then?"

He said it in a monotone voice, as a simple statement.

"And even you think we won't find you - I will. I'm the best detective. No mystery is beyond me, not even your ability."

He waved up some papers. They were notes, photos and documents.

He was tracking you.

Ranpo smiled.

"I could go for some coffee."

"I dunno. You want to stay. I'm pretty hungry right now."

He was waving the documents around in a small circle, still refusing to give you space.

It was subtle, but you weren't going to get away from him without a chase.

I'm leaving the ending super open-ended, but Ranpo catches everyone in his life in weird ways so I feel like he'd do it this way too cause if you can somehow escape him once you're on his mental list

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #ranpo x reader

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Kaiju Week in Review (March 3-9, 2024)

Shin Ultraman took an eternity to reach home video, but Godzilla Minus One will proceed as a more reasonable pace (by Japanese standards). Toho will release roughly one billion different editions on May 1, with Amazon- and Godzilla Store-exclusive physical bonuses both on offer. Godzilla Minus One/Minus Color is included with some of the pricier versions, or you can buy it as a standalone Blu-ray or DVD.

The black-and-white version of Shin Godzilla, SHIN GODZILLA:ORTHOchromatic, also hits Japanese home video on May 1. Like Minus Color, no 4K edition, just Blu-ray and DVD. A handful of new bonus features about ORTHOchromatic are included.

As is standard for Toho, none of these releases will be English-friendly. But given the films' popularity (and the lack of any legal way to watch Minus One since it left theaters), expect bootlegs to circulate at light speed.

Unsurprisingly, Godzilla Minus One cleaned up at the Japanese Academy Awards, with eight victories out of eleven nominations: Picture of the Year, Best Supporting Actress, Best Cinematography, Best Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Sound, Best Art Direction, and Best Lighting. That's one more than Shin Godzilla, and pretty much guarantees that the Toho Godzilla series will keep the prestige pictures coming. Strange times!

We'll see if Minus One can also capture Best Visual Effects at the American Academy Awards tonight. The Creator remains its biggest competition. The Gareth Edwards film is better-positioned by the usual metrics, with a second nomination for Best Sound and five wins at the Visual Effects Society Awards, but the enthusiasm gap for the films themselves may prove decisive. I'll be doing a much lengthier analysis during Wikizilla's Oscar stream tonight, which will start at about 6:00 PM ET, an hour before the ceremony begins.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire tickets may not be on sale yet, but Cinemark theaters have rolled out the above merch (much more efficiently than Target and Walmart have rolled out the toyline, if my local theater's any indication). I have a suspicion those plushies will be worth a mint a few years from now, small as they are; don't know about the other stuff. I bought the larger popcorn tin when I saw Dune: Part Two on Thursday. The promo image is deceptive, as the green area is transparent plastic and the Titan image is on the opposite wall of the tin, so that popcorn's either defying gravity or being held up by a hidden insert. There are Kong and Skar King variants as well, the latter revealing his height (318 feet). Poor Shimo; being the "secret" villain really narrows the amount of merch you get.

The other interesting GxK news this week (apart from the endless TV spot variants, which I'm not even trying to keep track of) is a collaboration with the American Red Cross, of all institutions. Donate blood, platelets, or AB Elite plasma from March 25 to April 7, get a free T-shirt. And for completion's sake, I'll mention the Roblox and Call of Duty cross-promos too.

Chibi Godzilla Raids Again, an unexpected delight last year, is getting a second season starting April 3. The official site revealed that Minilla is joining the cast, while those silhouettes to his right look like Titanosaurus (unjustly neglected in recent years), Gigan, and Gabara. Expect to follow the first season in being uploaded to the GODZILLA OFFICIAL by TOHO YouTube channel with English subtitles.

Here's another chance to watch Tsuburaya and Toei Animation's Kaiju Decode short, originally released in 2021. (It goes away at the end of the month, because every Japanese studio is apparently hellbent on making short films ephemeral, so download it now.) It's the basis for a recent mixed reality game for the Meta Quest 3 and Meta Quest Pro, hence its return to the spotlight.

UniVersus, a collectable card game predicated on pitting characters from various franchises against each other, is going all in on Godzilla after offering a couple of Minus One cards through highly convoluted means last year. They're releasing a couple of Godzilla Challenger Series (preconstructed decks) on June 21, one based around Godzilla and Mothra, the other around King Ghidorah and Rodan, with Mechagodzilla thrown into the mix for both. I've never played this game in my life, but the prospect of a shiny Godzilla card with James Stokoe art is sort of tempting.

#kaiju week in review #godzilla minus one #shin godzilla #home video #oscars #chibi godzilla raids again #godzilla x kong the new empire #king kong #kaiju

[somethingpersonarelated]

Another No More What Ifs Analysis

Okay, so... between wanting to analyze this and Our Light, and the kpop posts that I'll be doing that overlap with this. This blog will turn into Persona Music Analysis hour. Long post. Heavy spoilers for P5R, Proof of Justice, and Mementos Mission. BEGIN!

Let's begin with some context for the song. I think this is crucial to understanding why it is associated with Akechi's character. If you're familiar with this, you can skip to the lyrical analysis! The best analogy is that Beneath the Mask is to Akira as NMWI is to Akechi, in my opinion. Proof of Justice was an OVA released with the P5 anime (in May 2019) a couple months before the release of Persona 5 Royal in Japan (October of the same year). This OVA is centered around the relationship between Akira and Akechi. Specifically, Akira's grieving process as he goes through the places where they used to meet to find clues about the phrase "Proof of Justice" which was written in the Leblanc crossword. The Jazz Jin, as noted by Muhen here, is a place where Akechi would typically go alone. He also notes in confidant rank 4 that it wasn't necessarily a place that he was keeping secret, but that he never brought people around there since it was his personal space to reflect. As we'll examine, the content of the lyrics is too specific to not be related to the story, and there aren't any other characters or themes I could think are as associated with the song as Goro Akechi. Just wanted to clear this up first, as for some it's not entirely clear why the song is specifically Akechi's (since it's not explicitly stated, and the lyrics are hard to catch while you're playing through normally).

Lyrical Analysis

people come and they go some people may stay with you though I am all alone tonight and I kept on asking myself questions

The very first line is one of the easiest to dissect. Goro, since the death of his mother, has had few stable figures in his life, whether it is his parents, family, or friends. This also extends to his line of work as a celebrity detective, as he is kept so busy that there are very few people he sees on a regular basis, at all. He notes in the second confidant rank (if you choose to ask if he has no friends) that he doesn't have people that he chooses to spend time with. [I chose this option on my last play through and remember it but I can't find the dialogue anywhere].

The doubt that grows in this verse comes from the second line. He is taken by surprise that there is someone he is giving thought to for more than a couple seconds at time. Someone he is... to some degree choosing to spend time with even though he is doing it for the mission. At first, to investigate the Phantom Thieves identity to prevent them from interfering in his revenge plot, and then to lure Akira into a death trap. Tying it back to the first line analysis with the third and fourth line, this dissonance has put the first example of his doubt in this song.

Conceited I was at time I never really doubted myself But tonight got me thinking about it all if I am the fool or what not

There is a self-awareness that Goro always has about his personas (in the metaphorical sense). Goro kind of knows that he's arrogant and it was not ever something that bothered him. Even his character flaws will not get in the way of his plan, even if those flaws are just his humanity peeking through. There's a longing in Lyn's delivery of the last two lines here. He's stumped as to why he feels this way and the inner conflict makes him pause more than he is comfortable with.

"If I am the fool or what not." This line, is literally perfect, the double meaning is just ugh! We'll see this idea again near the end of the song, but I want to take an opportunity to talk about it now. For two years, Goro was the only Persona-user he knew, so he had no reason to believe anyone would ever stand a chance against him. Not only is he angered at himself for allowing Akira to get close to him and cause these doubts but he's also questioning what his role was.

I do not regret with my choices I'm rather proud ooh I know I won't change anything because I can only be me so

I had already written parts of this analysis like two months ago but I saw a post written by @vashtijoy here on how Mementos mission has a sneaky reference to this song. So check that out! It's something I never noticed.

Before Shido's palace, there's an acceptance of the circumstances in this line, that he has to do it regardless of what he may think because he has a goal. Throughout the third semester, we see an Akechi that is alive and tried to deal with the consequences of his actions before Maruki took that opportunity away from him. But he does not show remorse for what he did, that it was the only path he could have chosen with the information he knew.

How can I be so sure? at a crossroads I'm afraid too But I can't let fear get the best of me Someone once said burn my dread babe

This verse... this verse makes me wanna cry. I cannot even lie to you. The direct statement that there is fear behind the fact that he doesn't want to kill Akira and the acknowledgement in the last two lines that one of them has to end up dead. That he is also acknowledging that Akira must also be fearful, by playing with fire through continuing to lead the Phantom Thieves. The doubt is consuming him in this verse. The crossroad offers two choices, one where he sacrifices himself for Akira and one where Akira no longer is with him. The reference to Persona 3 really carries the weight here with this theory. I would explain more but I only spoiler tagged for P5R so we move.

Who knows what tomorrow holds? just wanna live my life the way I want what fills up my soul is passionate music that makes me want to sing

The first line, to me, reads that he's given up on allowing himself to think if there's another way to resolve his doubts. That there's another path where neither of them die and that it can't exist. He wants to live freely, which is what he thinks is assured once his revenge plan is complete. In another world, maybe it was one where both of them could be together without this chasing them. The last two lines I don't have a particular opinion about, but I think they add to the fact that Goro has given up entertaining other possibilities.

my story will be starring me just like yours ooh ooh who knows when will it end what matters most is how you bring joy to life so

I think about confidant rank 8. It feels written all over this line, and we come back to an idea that was present with "If I am the fool or what not." I think there's a bit of that 'hatred' that he talks about, that he's resentful that Akira story will end differently than his own. He's waiting for the day to come and resolves by centering himself, that once his goal is achieved, that he will achieve joy for the first time in his life. Refusing to acknowledge that Akira was showing him companionship that brought him happiness for one last time.

The Theme of Doubt

One of the things I have had trouble defining is what the doubt Goro is referring to is, or why the doubt is there. It's one of the things that is left in the air. Speculating here a little more than I usually will try to: the doubt stems from the fact that Goro is enjoying his time with the protagonist and is unsure what that means. In terms of what he is doubting, I'm not sure, I don't think he is referring to his plan, but rather the fact that Akira is caught up in it at all. His resolve to complete his plan never changes, but he wishes he could choose to leave him out of this. This tracks with a line stated by the SIU director which implies that some of the cruel actions carried out by the conspiracy/antisocial force by Akechi are not entirely his idea. He still carries them out without hesitation, but he never thinks of them himself. One of the reasons I wrote out this analysis was to see if there were any opinions on what this part of the song meant since I have trouble wrapping my head around it myself.

Goro, in base game and third semester, never shows any form of doubt or regret to the protagonist directly, only brief flickers and implications from dialogue. But this song is layered with it and bashes you in by telling you that it is what he is struggling with most when it comes to executing his plan. It's what nags at me even though I've tried to analyze this song a couple of times on my own.

IN CONCLUSION: I obviously hate goro akechi. (lying is fun)

#shuake #akeshu #akechi goro #akira kurusu #persona 5 spoilers #persona 5 royal #no more what ifs #persona music #persona analysis #i spent way too long writing this #can you tell this is my favorite persona song #p5 meta #thinking emoji

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Secret Crush On You (SCOY) Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I offer my thoughts on the importance of Saint Suppapong's and Cheewin Thanamin's Secret Crush on You in the annals of Thai BL history.]

I offer a very hearty THANK YOU to my dear friends @lurkingshan and @bengiyo for reviewing this draft before publication!

Well! A VERY belated happy new year from the OGMMTVC shores! I have allowed myself a lengthy onboarding back to the pattern of watching older Thai BLs due to many life circumstances around the 2023 holidays.

But I do still stay on my grind: while I was slowly watching and re-watching SCOY over the last month, I've added two current shows to the list, which I'll explain about later, and I've also taken up reading an incredibly important book to this project, Dr. Thomas Baudinette's ethnographic study, Boys Love Media in Thailand, which is giving me tremendous insight and history into the development of the Thai BL genre from direct reporting in Asia. In other words, the OGMMTVC project is still cooking along -- I'll plan to post about the book when my current watchlist is at a pause, while current shows on the list are airing.

All that being said, I'm here today to report on my watch of 2022's Secret Crush on You. Here's a little outline to keep me organized:

1) A quick reminder of how SCOY got on the OGMMTVC list, 2) A thematic hit list of why SCOY belongs on the list, and why it's so important for the history of Thai BL, and 3) A few personal takes on the show.

SCOY got on the OGMMTVC list way back in May 2023, in the comments of my glowing review of the second season of Make It Right, suggested by @absolutebl Sensei themself. SCOY is directed by Cheewin Thanamin, who had co-directed MIR and MIR2 along with New Siwaj. (He is also, famously AND infamously, the director of the recent shows Playboyy and Middleman's Love, as well as many other shows, including YYY, Why R U, and more.)

At the time of my watch of MIR2, I reveled in the fabulous endings of TeeFuse and FrameBook, the holistically loving and embracing relationships of those two couples, who were fearlessly and openly queer and committed to each other; and I compared those endings to that of another fabulous Cheewin show, 2023's Bed Friend, which also ended glowingly, after a hell of a traumatic journey, for the dear mains, KingUea.

SCOY, from a growth perspective, fits between the high school world of MIR and the working adult world of Bed Friend, showcasing Toh, the stalker-shy university junior outcast; Nuea, the popular, athletic, and gorgeous university senior, and their respective groups of friends, who, to a tee, end up with each other. In the comments of my MIR2 review, @absolutebl wrote,

"...there is a case to be made that Cheewin is having a conversation with us[,] the culmination of which is actually SCOY. It feels like everything in his career was leading to that show[.]"

I believe this is absolutely right. While the public commentary on SCOY was that the first few episodes would be hard to digest -- for me, it took until episode *9* to feel comfortable enough to ride the SCOY train -- the amount of internal and external-to-BL themes that SCOY carries within it marks it as an incredibly important show for the annals of Thai BL history.

I also want to note that, after SCOY, Cheewin's War of Y also airs in 2022, as a macro commentary on the BL industry. Without having seen War of Y yet -- I think it makes sense, and is quite fitting, that there may be similar themes between these two shows as to what SCOY was addressing by way of personal and industry-related psychologies.

I'll get into those themes in a second, but as so many of you know as well: this was also the first production for Saint Suppapong's agency, Idol Factory, featuring (for 2022) a slate of incredible new QL actors and actresses who have already made a fast and deep impact on the genre (...fast and deep impact huh huh ANYWAY).

Putting ourselves into Saint's shoes -- a man well familiar with the pitfalls of the BL industry, vis à vis his associations with his previous PerthSaint and ZeeSaint ships -- I can make a safe assumption that he approached the production of SCOY with the intent to make a groundbreaking show, and to approach the fan service side of the BL industry with as much consciousness for his actors as possible. While I'm not watching Idol Factory's latest show, The Sign, I am noting that The Sign's two stars, Billy Patchanon (of SCOY) and Babe Tanatat are very good at their fan service offerings. (Heng in this video, omg.) But all that being said, the unfortunate incident last year of the untimely revelation of Seng Wichai's and Freen Sarocha's relationship indicates that Idol Factory is also not immune to the controversies and pitfalls of the BL and shipping industries.

What I particularly loved about SCOY -- and why I agree with @absolutebl and many BL fandom veterans that it belongs on the OGMMTVC list -- is that this show unabashedly insisted that all people are people, all humans are equitably humans, and all humans deserve the same emotional and social respect as anyone else. It punched social expectations of the "winners" and "losers" down to the ground to offer nuanced narratives of most of its characters.

We see Toh (Seng Wichai) and his group of friends repeatedly put down and bullied. We see Toh and Jao kicked to the ground for their looks and presentations. We see popular Nuea (Billy) and Sky (Heng Asavarid) suffering from jealousy, insecurity, unrequited love and desire. We see Nuea and Sky objectified. We see Daisy question themself for their femme identity, and we see Daisy's group of friends become so moved and emotional about this change as to both uplift Daisy's preferences and to support them in whatever changes they want to make.

We also see -- for only the second time on the OGMMTVC list, and surely in the biggest BL up til 2022 -- a prominent femme side character in Daisy, one who is very much pursued by a cis male suitor in Touch. (The first time we see such a prominent femme character on the OGMMTVC syllabus is, again, in Cheewin's Make It Right 2, in the character of Yok, who was very out and very gay throughout that season.)

I'm going to examine this more in just a bit, but I also want to note, in a fabulous conversation I had with @bengiyo about SCOY, that this show also somewhat upends social expectations of who exactly gets bullied in a "typical" school setting. We do very much see Toh and his friend group get attacked. We see that friend group come together in support of each other. But we also see them very much accepted, as they are, by the older, more popular friend group.

There are many more examples of these themes, but in any case:

These were nuanced, layered, and sophisticated depictions of humanity, all for a show within the BL genre that had started its journey, way back in 2014, in demanding clear seme/uke dynamics and male/female characteristic assumptions between main couples. SCOY clearly took great pains to examine and upend these assumptions. In particular, the hot tub conversation in episode 9 had me going wild; a conversation that has become legendary as it was the first time (and not the last!) that a character of Billy Patchanon's stated that he was verse:

By the time we get to 2022, I love what this conversation signifies for Thai BL. From SOTUS's Kongpob saying that he'll make Arthit his wife; to Pat clarifying to BOTH Pran AND Phupha, "I'm not your wife" -- and, now in SCOY, to Nuea being like, "oh, roles? Yeah, whateves, I'm down," is such a refreshing spin to the conversation about the demands that the genre, AND society, place on hulking cis-presenting men like Nuea/Billy.

Of course, the biggest upending to any assumptions that viewers (including myself) may have had about the dynamics between the two main couples of NueaToh and SkyJao was in seeing how deeply insecure both Nuea and Sky were of the stability of their relationships with their boyfriends in Toh and Jao. Nuea and Sky both recognized that it was literally society itself -- and the very deep internal impacts that society could have on the psyches of the nerdy Toh and Jao -- that could threaten the sanctity of Nuea's and Sky's relationships.

Nuea and Sky weren't relying or assuming on their good looks or popularity ranks to win Toh and Jao over. Nuea and Sky were very much in love with these two men, and both wanted to have holistically complete and committed relationships with their boyfriends. And Nuea and Sky WORKED for these relationships, and feared the worst, often, if an internal obstacle (like Jao's insecurity) or external obstacle (like the girls in pursuit of Nuea) got in their way.

@bengiyo, in reference to my conversation with him earlier, mentioned a social shade to all of this that I found fascinating. He noted that this show did NOT interrogate the "weirdness" of Toh and his friend group. I'm actually going to criticize that just a touch in a bit, because I would have liked more background context into Toh, myself. However, Ben makes an important point about this, because he noted to me that majority society WOULD interrogate the origins of Toh's "weirdness" -- and would NOT interrogate the popularity, good looks, and success of Nuea and his group, because majority society would well assume that Nuea and his group are... "normal."

I find these instinctual inclinations to be FASCINATING to ponder, and I really think SCOY did a wonderful job in allowing us as viewers an "in" to a loving alternate reality that those who are considered "weird" in this world deserve a fair and equitable shot at love and acceptance from all corners. Ben noted for me that MUCH more often in majority society, that being queer makes someone vastly unpopular. (Ben also noted for me that what SCOY posits for Nuea and Sky by way of their queer presentations against their popular standings would likely have led to them being ostracized in real life.)

I want to note that this loving alternate reality for the unpopular is almost exactly similar to another fictional environment created by Cheewin in Make It Right -- which prompted an early and memorable conversation between Ben and me early in this project. (Thank you so much to @bengiyo for giving me time and space to read and comment on this SCOY piece.)

I want to posit -- again, without having seen War of Y -- that all of this is fascinating territory for Idol Factory, in its first show, to tread by way of humanizing IF's gloriously good-looking talent in Billy, Heng, and others. I'll know more by way of comparison when I actually watch War of Y -- but I think SCOY does a FABULOUS job in slowly leading viewers to contemplate our assumptions about how "easy" it might be to be a good-looking and/or athletic person in society. Insecurity and instability are common characteristics among all of us. SCOY very decidedly skewers any assumptions that viewers, and society, may have about the "transcendent" nature of the show's fictional "celebrities" to bring all of its characters down to a more common and equitable human level.

By a long shot, these themes are the ones that I loved absolutely the most about SCOY. I have a few personal takes on the show that I'll share in just a moment, but one more shout of celebration that I'd like to offer to SCOY is the following:

Of all the excellent acting in this show -- from Billy, to Heng, to the utterly DELIGHTFUL Looknam Orntara as Som, to the fabulous Surprise Pittikorn as a conflicted and insecure Jao -- let me offer all the flowers to

Seng Wichai, who had me CRINGING, OMG, *CRINGING*, throughout most of SCOY.

I hope this man won AWARDS for this role. All of my feelings towards the character of Toh aside -- Seng Wichai absolutely BODIED this role. I was SQUIRMING during the first three quarters of this series. God, he NAILED every last characteristic that would make a person like Toh so interpretively painful and pitiful. That Seng left Idol Factory last year, before his relationship with Freen was exposed, is, I think, a huge loss for IF. I know War of Y is chaotic, but I actually can't wait to watch it simply to see another side of Seng's acting.

For Seng's Toh to be pursued so intensely by Nuea -- and for Toh to be so Toh throughout that pursuit -- I truly can't think of a past BL actor from the past OGMMTVC dramas that could have done a better and more nuanced job than Seng Wichai to just remain so COMMITTED to Toh's modus operandi of stalking and collecting, especially so DEEP into the 14-episode run.

I will admire Seng's performance endlessly. My very own personal take on SCOY -- which I do not want to detract from its importance in the BL genre annals -- was that I think some of Cheewin's typical chaotic flourishes did not quite comport with the complicated emotionality that SCOY otherwise served.

At the end of the series, we meet Toh's parents in rural Suphanburi -- but we don't get a sense throughout the series of why Toh decides to pursue Nuea only from afar, in stalker-like actions, for so very long. Again, this stalker behavior is only presented as an MO -- and as @bengiyo noted to me, that was likely on purpose, as a means of showing that Toh's friend group would be accepting of each other NO MATTER their unique characteristics.

We also have to wait a VERY long time in the series for Toh to be held accountable for his stalking actions, as he even continues to collect items well into his relationship with Nuea. The flip side of this is an empathic one -- he's collecting the items out of an assumption, on his end, that his relationship with Nuea WILL end. However, it's made clear that Toh had no intention to ever tell Nuea of this side of Toh's behavior.

There were other moments in the show that tonally confused me, particularly in episode 5, the first time that the group goes to the beach, where Toh is in the hotel room with Nuea for the first time, and is both overtly confident that he might get it on with Nuea, but also seems reluctant to actually pursue it once Nuea starts offering hints. I worked this out with @lurkingshan (thank you, friend!) that Toh was demonstrating a brave face and fantasy to start, but was surprised when Nuea actually reciprocated the consideration. This happened a couple of times throughout the show, and Shan's assessment makes absolute sense -- I think I could have used some language clarity around those scenes myself, particularly when Toh was talking postgame with his friends after those moments, that he was surprised by Nuea's acceptance. But, @lurkingshan -- your assessment of the pattern holds, and I understand it.

Once I finished the series, I read @absolutebl's 2022 review of SCOY, and ABL -- I totally understand your perspective. I get the pull between adoration and cringe for this show. A stalker premise is HEAVY. It didn't help, in that heaviness, to have no past context to Toh's behavior, coupled with Seng's incredible cringy performance.

If another director without as many chaotic tendencies could have directed this show -- I think we would have gotten a more complete and contextual emotionality to the show that would have helped Toh's and Nuea's relationship be portrayed as fully full-circle.

I think this is enough of a quibble that'll keep me from easily rewatching SCOY. But, towards the end of the series (@twig-tea, YOU WERE RIGHT!) -- especially from episode 9 onwards -- I felt that I finally and truly understood where this show was going, and what it was about, and I felt endeared to it.

I think many in the fandom will agree that SkyJao was actually the couple that interpreted, much more clearly, the impact of social pressures and insecurities on a relationship, and for that, I will forever shout

SKYJAO! SKYJAO! SKYJAO!

as one of my absolute favorite side pairings of all time.

SCOY was a hard watch for me because of the interruptions of the holidays, of life, and because I've gotten a little less patient with Cheewin's chaos (...I dropped Playboyy, omg, I have to admit), despite my utter admiration for his work on Make It Right and Bed Friend.

But the difficulties I had in watching it should not take away from honoring this show as a hell of an important one. It makes me admire Saint Suppapong to no end for spending his own damn money towards the pursuit of better BLs. And the acting in SCOY was truly FANTASTIC. Despite my own personal reservations, I cannot recommend SCOY highly enough -- because watching it, and enjoying it, is truly a perfect demarcation to understand how far Thai BLs had gotten to its airing moment in 2022.

[OKAY! As I mentioned above, this project has gotten even richer with the addition of my current reading of Dr. Thomas Baudinette's Boys Love Media in Thailand -- I look forward to offering my thoughts on that book after my watch project is over.

I have added a few shows to the watchlist! The recently-aired Last Twilight makes it on as a show that centered disability vis à vis BL for the first time, and Cherry Magic Thailand makes it on as Thailand's first major adaptation of a Japanese manga and dorama. I've also added 23.5, GMMTV's first GL, to the list, although the premiere date continues to be up in the air for that show.

AS WELL! An actual Japanese BL makes it on the list, ha ha! I'm obsessed with this because I'm learning from Baudinette about the Japanese roots of Thai BL. I am in LOVE with Ossan's Love Returns, and it happily features a cameo by none other than Loong Jim and Wen, who hilariously (AND SMARTLY, go get yer money, guys) franchised Moonlight Chicken to Japan. Earth Pirapat and Mix Sahaphap make the most adorable cameo, and they will be inhabiting Haruta's and Maki's roles when the Thai version of Ossan's Love starts filming later this year.

FINALLY! My own personally long-awaited KinnPorsche (OOOO-WEEEEE!) rewatch is up next, but I'm taking a beat to catch up on Cooking Crush. I can't wait for my late-night liveblogs on KP, though -- they're coming soon!

Here's the status of the list -- as always, Tumblr's web editor is NOT nice to this list, so please mosey over to this link for your very latest updates on the project!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (watching)

...interrupting the OGMMTVC list here to watch War of Y (2022) in chronology and to decide if it gets listed...

37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine the Start of “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows  39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 43 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 44) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 45) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 46) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 47) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 48) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 49) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 50) 23.5 (2024)]

#secret crush on you #secret crush on you meta #secret crush on you the series #scoy #scoy meta #nueatoh #nuea x toh #toh x nuea #billyseng #billy patchanon #seng wichai #skyjao #sky x jao #jao x sky #heng asavarid #surprise pittikorn #looknam orntara #saint suppapong #cheewin thanamin #make it right #bed friend #turtles catches up with old gmmtv #the old gmmtv challenge #ogmmtvc #turtles catches up with thai BLs #turtles catches up with the essential BLs

[ncityavenue]

9:29 am ♡

you persuaded Johnny if yall could go to the local café and it didn't take too much work considering he's a sucker for cuteness, he opened the door for you letting you walk in first and himself afterwards.

Quite a Gentleman. You thought.

"So, what would you like again? The new what?" Johnny raised his eyebrow.

"The matcha Boba tea, I haven't tried it yet!" You beamed as you lightly hopped.

"That's actually not new"

"I don't care, I just want it!!" You said grabbing on his sleeve.

"Do you think I could just waist my wallet on you?" Johnny questioned pulling his wallet out as he spoke.

"Yes, that's like one of the first things that makes our friendship." You answered triumphal.

You guys walked closer to the cashier ready to order, "Good Morning, what can I get for you?"

"Uh yes, could I have the matcha Boba tea and 2 coffee cakes?" Johnny ordered, the cashier happily added those to the list she asked if there was anything else and Johnny eyed you, you shook your head.

"That will be it, Thank you." Johnny says, you stared at your best friend for a minute just admiring his beauty. You never were afraid to remind him how handsome he was and he was never afraid to remind you how good looking you are but its just something about today in this moment that you might be thinking about him being more than a friend.

"You know, we're gonna share that drink right??" Johnny tilted his head, you furrowed you eyebrows.

"I did not consent to that."

"Well it's my money, and you dragged me here and I didn't consent to that either."

"Johnny, you're like 7 feet tall you easily could've just pulled me along. You're like those bulky action men figures."

Johnny leaned his shoulder on the wall as you waited for your orders, "I'm only 6 feet, and if i dared to say no and pull you along I fear you may never speak to me again."

"Smart boy." You went on your tippy toes patting johnny head.

The cashier called your order and Johnny momentarily left you so he could grab it and go but in the meantime the cashier had whispered to him, "keep them, they're a gem. Protect them at all costs, they love you." She said, Johnny didn't quite register what she said but then he had a unreadable expression on his face.

All he said was "I'll try, thank you." And went on his face, he knew his cheek were tinted pink.

"I'm so thirsty! Thank you Johnny." You looked up at him as you took the matcha drink from him.

"You are welcome." Johnny smiled, you walked out the café and you noticed a shift in Johnny.

"Johnny are you okay? That cashier didn't say anything slick did she?" You questioned, Johnny shook his head.

"No she told me to keep you, like, maybe have you as my own." Johnny said rather lowly, a little nervous to hear what you'll say.

You scoffed sipping your drink and then handing it to him, " she's damn right! I mean there's no other purpose of you being here if you're not gonna protect me and spoil me."

"Okay she didn't say spoil-"

"Well I did, and besides you're already doing that."

"But you know she meant in like- a relationship way."

"Yeah I know, I mean if only you're ok with having it official thennn.."

"Official? Wait what- I'm confused."

You rolled you eyes before explaining, " Oh jeez you're acting like Mark, we're basically like a couple just like without the label. We've kissed before so it's not nothing new."

" we've kissed on the cheek."

"Well do you wanna kiss on the lips?" You smirked, you've never been so confident infront of Johnny before you guess being with him so much his actions start rubbing off on you and now you're the bold one.

"Sure I gue-"

You smooch his lips, you stopped dead in your tracks to fully indulge him on your lips. Good thing you guys were walking through a peaceful park that led you to the café so the kiss was way more serene.

You parted yourself away from Johnny, " so we're gonna come back to the dorm as a couple?" Johnny questioned.

"I mean not if you don't want to, it could be a secret to make it more fun if you want." You winked.

"It doesn't matter, I love you." Johnny placed a kiss on your cheek, you giggled saying I love you too.

───── ♡

Too fucking adorable<33

#nct #nct 127 #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct drabbles #johnny suh #johnny suh imagines #johnny nct

[halfagone]

✨ An Outlook on Fics into 2024 ✨

For my own peace of mind, I try not to keep an update schedule since life tends to be unpredictable and I will give myself a hard time if I miss a 'deadline'. However, there are a number of projects that I'm looking forward to updating or uploading in the new year.

I'm mainly looking to post more updates for my multi-chapter fics. In 2023, especially at the end, I posted a lot of one-shots so I could make my goal of 100 DPxDC fics (which I did, yay!!) but I want a little change of pace this year.

lex luthor's ascent updates

We have 57 chapters left for lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood. Obviously if I posted one chapter a week, I still wouldn't be able to finish in the next year. These past couple updates have also been averaging at 10k per chapter, which makes it much harder to post quickly and consistently. However, this means we have a very exciting opportunity to possible reach 1 million words by the time this fic is finished!

Off With [the Demon's] Head updates

I am hoping to post more for Off With [the Demon's] Head. For a while I was very burnt out from the idea, as I had fallen out of love with the Ghost King concept for a very long time. I was also struggling to write Dad!Danny when I wanted so desperately to write Ellie as her own person, but it's much harder to give her independence when she's eight years old to Danny's seventeen.

Nonetheless, I gave the fic a look and I decided that there is a way I could finish this with an exciting ending. Exciting for me, or exciting for you, we'll have to see. lol This also means I won't have to rewrite the fic like I had originally worried! I have yet to update the chapter count, but I am very pleased (and a little exasperated) to say that we're looking at a projected 75 chapters in total. Which leaves us with 60 chapters left of this fic.

bloodlines updates

Another long one, bloodlines is going to take a very long time to finish. I have pretty much the entire fic planned out, but with all my other fic updates, it might take some time to write/post. We're looking anywhere from 30-50 chapters for this fic, however. Depending on how much plot I can squeeze into each update. At the moment I have no plans to confirm the chapter total.

🎉 Surprises! 🎉

I have many more updates planned, but for now I'll keep those secrets close to my chest. I hope you all will enjoy whatever may come in store with this coming new year! Thank you so much for all your support and following along with me on this wild, wild journey.

May y'all have a wonderful end to 2023, and happy reading. ❤️✨

#halfagone's fics

[alienintrees]

Beatles songs that remind me of Grantaire

because I can and will mash together all of my obsessions something something 60s AU.

this is already long so i'll be shortening some quotes but also it's. it's abt les mis ofc it's super long

also thank you Genius.com annotations on Beatles songs

Do You Want To Know A Secret - im a sucker for cute enjoltaire shit.

I Want To Hold Your Hand - cmon. cmon. you know why.

Yesterday - feels like "let me sleep here until I die" like R thinking abt how a couple days ago he was just hanging out and joking with his friends and now he's forced to process the fact that they're not going to survive the barricade.

Nowhere Man - this song is based on John not being sure of who he was, "doing nothing and going nowhere" which is very R. also features the line "he's as blind as he can be" which reminds me of "no one loves the light like the blind man".

With a Little Help from my Friends - R cares abt his friends. I think that, while he wouldn't admit it, Les Amis mean so much to him. He needs them. "I get by with a little help from my friends" "he took no pleasure anywhere but there; he followed them everywhere. His joy was to see these forms go and come through the fumes of wine."

Fool on the Hill - "Day after day, alone on a hill, the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still. But nobody wants to know him, they can see that he's just a fool" ok this is reminds me of "All those words: rights of the people, [revolution, etc.] came very near to signifying nothing whatsoever to Grantaire. He smiled at them. Scepticism, that caries of the intelligence, had not left him a single whole idea."

Blue Jay Way - (omg i need more people to listen to this song i love it so much) similar to yesterday. "and my friends have lost their way. 'We'll be over soon,' they said, now they've lost themselves instead" again, thinking about how his friends are going to die. "Ask a policeman on the street, there's so many there to meet" mk so the song itself is about George waiting for the other Beatles to come to his house but they are lost in a fog. Blue Jay Way overlooks an area called the Sunset Strip, where a series of riots took place. "please, don't be long, or I may be asleep". he falls asleep at the barricade.

Hello, Goodbye - oh nooo Enjolras and Grantaire arguinggg. smth smth uhhhh Grantaire's laid-back nature compared to Enjolras' austere nature. which one is "you" and which one is "I"?i don't know, i think it sort of changes depending on the line. "You say yes, I say no, you say stop, and I say go, go, go. You say goodbye, and I say hello." "You say 'why?' and I say 'I don't know'."

Something - R and Enj "Somewhere in her smile, she knows that I don't need no other lover." "He had need of Enjolras". also "Something in the way she knows ... something in the things she shows me" "That chaste, healthy, firm, upright, hard, candid nature charmed him, without his being clearly aware of it. His soft, shapeless ideas attached themselves to Enjolras as to a spinal column. His moral backbone leaned on that firmness. Grantaire in the presence of Enjolras became someone once more." edit: alsoo R being in love with Enj but being afraid of getting closer to him because he knows that Enj is going to die. "You're asking me, will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know. You stick around, now, it may show, I don't know, I don't know" "I don't wanna leave her now, you know I believe, and how."

because I can and will find parallels between anything I like and the Beatles

#les miserables #les mis #grantaire

[berry-loves-yandere]

Hi sweetheart! May I please request a Yandere bruce Yamada x reader oneshot?!? Bruce is head over heels for his darling but they dint feel the same way? Ty so much love <3.

This is abuse of my love for nicknames and I like unfortunately 😞❤️.

I will write this request.

𝐻𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓁𝓈~

Yandere Bruce Yamada x uninterested!darling:

Warnings: Stalking, obsessive behaviour, possessive behaviour, vomit mentions, unhealthy mindset, theft (?), DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

It was no secret to his friends.

Bruce Yamada was head over heels for (Y/N) (L/N).

He'd do his absolute best and push himself during baseball games when (Y/N) was ever there.

He'd constantly do dumb things to get their attention.

And Bruce would send them gifts of things they've been wanting.

Eventually the two became friends due to (Y/N) thinking he just wanted to be friends, then Bruce's obsession crush was becoming more apparent.

He made more advances on (Y/N).

Wrapping an arm around their waist or shoulders, giving them long hugs, giving them all sorts of gifts.

(Y/N) awkwardly rejected all of this, which Bruce's other friends encouraged since his obsession was beginning to rage out of control.

He began taking pictures of (Y/N) when they didn't notice, bribing (Y/N)'s other friends to stay away from them and stealing some of their stuff.

He continued with these obsessive behaviours until (Y/N) told him to back off a bit because he was in their space way too much for (Y/N)'s comfort.

He felt hurt that (Y/N) suggested that but ultimately decided that he should confess soon.

If he confessed his feelings to (Y/N) then they could do cute couple things like going on picnic or movie dates and buying matching clothes.

He got very distracted in his classes thinking about this little fantasy of his.

Once he got out of class, he began looking for (Y/N) but couldn't find them anywhere.

He asked his friends but they denied seeing (Y/N) at all so that (Y/N) could have a bit of breathing room from Bruce.

Bruce was searching for (Y/N) and when he found them, they were talking and laughing with Vance Hopper inside the grab-n-go.

Vance didn't even seem bothered that someone else was playing pinball while he was talking with (Y/N).

The duo walked out of the grab-n-go.

(Y/N) quickly looked around before giving Vance a peck on his cheek.

Vance placed his hand to that cheek as they turned red.

He then smiled and gave (Y/N) a quick kiss on the lips before they both went their separate ways.

Bruce was fuming at the scene he just witnessed.

(Y/N) could be with Bruce, the charming golden boy who everyone loved!

(Y/N) could be praised for dating someone like him!

He chose them out of everyone and yet (Y/N) was busy kissing someone like Vance Hopper.

Bruce wanted to vomit as he thought about Vance, who was a disgusting thug.

The next time he saw (Y/N), he put up his 'good/golden boy' act and asked if they could meet him at the park.

Once (Y/N) got there, Bruce confessed his feelings to them, pretending that (Y/N) didn't kiss Vance.

"Bruce. I'm sorry." Once those three words tumbled out of (Y/N)'s mouth, all Bruce could hear was fuzz like when the radio was broken.

(Y/N) was speaking but he couldn't hear anything until (Y/N) said Vance's name.

"That's why. Isn't it? You like Vance! Even though he's a an idiot who beats up everyone! I swear that you're being manipulated by him! He doesn't even love you! Not the way I do!" Bruce said with clear desperation.

(Y/N) was stunned but Bruce kept speaking.

"I bet he doesn't buy you gifts! Or send you love letters! Or take pictures of you! Or have some of your stuff! and he definitely hasn't been planning out your wedding or future like I have! He'll probably hurt you! But not me! I'll keep you safe and happy until the day you die!" Bruce rambled.

(Y/N) noticed that he wasn't paying attention to them as he rambled, so they made a run for it, all the way to Vance's house, where they knew they'd be safe.

They informed Vance of the situation and Vance immediately believed them due to him noticing Bruce being very creepy around (Y/N).

(Y/N) managed to consistently avoid Bruce with the help of Vance and Bruce's friends who were worried about Bruce's sanity and (Y/N)'s wellbeing.

Once (Y/N) could, they got out of town to the farthest and best university they could go to.

They still had a relationship with Vance and eventually the two became a happy married couple but (Y/N) was always wary and hoping Bruce would never show up in their life again.

But they could always feel like someone was watching them.

The end

(No part two)

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere movie #yandere horror #yandere thriller #yandere the black phone #yandere tbp #yandere movie x reader #yandere horror x reader #yandere thriller x reader #yandere the black phone x reader #yandere tbp x reader #yandere bruce yamada #yandere bruce #yandere bruce yamada x reader #yandere bruce x reader #movie #horror #the black phone #tbp #bruce yamada #bruce #thriller #movie x reader #horror x reader #thriller x reader #the black phone x reader #tbp x reader #bruce yamada x reader #bruce x reader

[hirsheyskisses]

500-600 Follower Event!!!

Ight y'all. what the FUCK? I'VE BEEN DEAD FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS HOW IN THE Hh-

Okay enough of me having a crisis~ thank you guys, so so much. The event that i've promised has finally arrived! Firstly, I wanna say thanks to all of you, especially the anons / those who reply to my post, I love talking and interacting w u guys💙

I also want to apologize for my inactivity. A lot of personal things have come up that have affected me mentally, but i'll keep pushing forward and doing what I enjoy! <3

EVENT RULES AND INFORMATION

I will take no more than 20 requests. Each request must involve a prompt listed below! (Include up to two characters, and the prompt/prompt number.)

Do not include more than three prompts per request.

The requests I take may take time. The writing will very from long, to short, to simply headcanons: but I will take all thrown at me!

Fluff, Smut, and Angst Prompts can be combined.

I WILL WRITE FOR: Shoto, Luxiem, Noctyx, & Ren of Iluna.

FLUFF PROMPTS

"Stay in bed with me.. please."

"Breakfast in bed!"

"We aren't dating!"

"I.. i thought you might like this."

"Is that my shirt?!"

"I could just stare at you forever."

"...Sorry, i talked too much."

"I know you had a bad day, so.."

"I never thought I could miss someone this much."

secretive ways of confessing

"My parents really like you."

"You're breathtaking."

"You're my new pillow."

"Get on my shoulders, you'll see better."

"Sing to me again."

"Don't doubt yourself."

"it's too early for Christmas-"

"Babe.. why are you dressed like a reindeer."

"It's 3 in the morning-"

Dancing in the rain.

"I can't dance-" "I'll teach you."

"Your hands.. are warm."

"Let's go home." "I'm already home."

"I wish you could see you the way I see you."

"What are you doing-" "Trying to make pancakes. Didn't work out-"

"Hold me."

"Shut up and kiss me.."

"I wanna see you in my dreams."

"Stay.. a little longer."

"WHERE'S THE CAT, HONEY-"

SMUT PROMPTS

"Take your clothes off. Right now."

"You look.. like a damn good meal."

"We're going to do this here? Now?"

"Just a little more.."

"You're so wet."

"Can you really resist me?"

"Be quiet, someone might hear us.."

“Enough, please, I can’t take anymore!”

“That’s so fucking hot.”

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?”

"I'll be a good boy/girl.."

"Touch yourself."

"I need it! please!"

"Show me more of that ass."

"Swallow it."

"Follow me.. I need you."

"Fuck, someone's right outside.."

"I think I'll eat you right up."

“I won’t apologize for marking you up, everyone should know you’re taken.”

"Shut up and fuck me already."

“How do you want it?”

“I don’t care if it takes all night, you will submit.”

“Show me how much you missed me.”

"Harder."

“Do you need to use your safeword, darling?”

“Do you know what happens when you misbehave?”

“Are you holding back? Don’t.”

"I need you."

"It's hot when you talk back."

"Submit. Now."

ANGST PROMPTS

“I miss you” || “It’s only been two days since I left” || “Feels like ages to me”

“When will you come back?”

“Can’t I come with you?” || “You know you can’t”

“You’ll be back soon, right?”

“I won’t be gone long, I promise”

“What do you mean dead!?”

“I- I don’t believe you! There- there’s no way they’re gone…” || “Denial isn’t going to bring them back, (Name)”

“Wake up dammit!”

“You- you can’t leave me like this!”

“I can’t lose you too…”

“You promised…”

“You were never there for me when I needed you the most”

“Stop. Don’t do this, (Name). You’re better than that”

“Stay away from me!”

“Stop pretending that you care”

“It was you!?”

“I trusted you!”

“I had no choice…”

“And here I thought I could trust you with my life…”

“You were a fool to trust someone like me”

“Please, leave me alone”

“They’re going to kill me!”

“I need your help, please”

“I-I can’t do this”

“You can’t run away this time”

"I won't let you go."

"Explain to me.. why.. tell me."

"Please. Unlock the door."

"They cant have left.."

"...No."

#luxiem x you #luxiem x reader #luxiem #vtuber #luxiem x reader event #ike eveland #luca kaneshiro #ike eveland x reader #luca kaneshiro x reader #niji en #shu yamino #shxtou x reader #shu yamino x reader #vox akuma #vox akuma x reader #mysta rias x reader #mysta rias #sonny brisko x reader #sonny brisko #fulgur ovid x reader #fulgur ovid #uki violeta x reader #uki violeta #alban knox x reader #alban knox #shxtou #ren zotto #ren zotto x reader #noctyx x reader #noctyx

[kunikinnie]

Your request are open so I hope you don't mind <3. Shsjdjdj I just love Yukichi so much. May I ask for hcs of him being on an age gap relationship? (Like 25 years old reader.) Like he's being insecure that you needed to be with someone's younger or that he's too old for you— with fluff in the end please 🥺💮

a/n: oh yes I absolutely don't mind! I hope these are okay :) I know a few 10+ year age gap couples so I'll try to base these off those if you don't mind ehe

being in a relationship with a large age gap

featuring: Fukuzawa x GN!Reader

He's happy and grateful that you two are romantically involved, but there are fears in the back of his head that he does his best to suppress.

First is public opinion. Many frown upon this type of relationship and he's afraid that it would ruin both of your (but especially yours) reputations, which is why only a select few are aware of it. He's fortunate that all of those who know support you two fully but it's hard to know how others might react.

Keeping the relationship a secret is not exactly difficult as he thought it would be. Given his occupation and position, most of his subordinates and acquaintances respect his silence on the matter. They all just assume it's for his partner's safety.

That doesn't mean it's not inconvenient at times, though. Sometimes he's wary whenever you go out or are alone together - he's not sure if it's alright to show even the slightest of physical affection. You'll be walking together and his mind is in turmoil over whether he should hold your hand or not.

Another is other parties romantically interested in you. Your age and of course your personality is attractive to many, and most of those are those in the same age group as yours. The possibility of there being someone more attuned to your tastes and preferences (as well as the culture of your age) is high. What if you realize you enjoy their company more than his?

This is his greatest fear. Aside from his age, his tight schedule as president leaves him with little time and energy to spend with you than he would like. The thought of someone else consoling you, doing things that he should be doing, and ultimately replacing him worries him constantly.

This is why he checks on you often. Texting you, sending you flowers and other small gifts, and verbally asking you how you're doing are his preferred ways of showing he cares. You can expect more expensive presents whenever he's busy and/or a little anxious over that new guy you've been talking with recently.

Okay enough angst HAHA some fluff!

The nicest thing about you being so young is your energy. Somehow you can talk thrice as long as he could, while he listens (although not always attentively - this guy's got stuff on his mind too). The things you share and the frequent change of pace is a welcome breath of fresh air. It makes him feel young, too.

Advice-giving was always his strong suit - or at least that's the role the people around him assigned him to - so you don't have to look far for guidance even for the most mundane things.

What he just doesn't understand no matter how hard he tries is your sense of humor. Pop culture, memes, you name it. Well, to be fair he's not the type to understand the humor of his own generation way back then anyway, but if you want someone to stare at you confused and concerned then you've got your guy.

Here's a funny thing about your relationship: both of you are so worried for each other that you both secretly take care of the other too much. For example: he'll do some chores for you when you're out because he believes that the older one should take of the younger one; this is because they have more experience and should help those less-experienced.

On the flip side, you do the exact same thing because in your head, you should be taking care of him since he's older and needs to rest more. Not to mention his current position as a leader. It ends up that chores get done twice without the other knowing, until one day you caught him doing "your" chores.

Favorite activity is relaxing or sleeping together. Whether or not you're both exhausted, he thinks it's the best way for you two to bond while being able to recharge. These are also the times when he doesn't have to think of anything and just enjoy your presence.

At the end of the day, as long as you choose to be with him and are mature enough to understand the world he lives in, then there your relationship will pretty be much like any other.

#didn't realize how long this was wow #bsd #fukuzawa yukichi #fukuzawa x reader #fukuzawa x you #fukuzawa x y/n

[a-zira-fell]

This post is a Work in Progress and will be edited.

The Second Coming

Jesus comes back in a Judgement Day kinda situation - some Good Omens thoughts

(Footnotes under readmore) (1)

1. Who is Jesus?

At the time of the setting of Season 3 (2026?), he should be in his mid thirties (2)

A carpenter? It seems in keeping with the humour and charme of GO that he may well be a carpenter

I don't care about Jesus's gender at all. Might be a guy, might be a girl, might be neither or both, but what i know for sure is that Jesus has to be queer (3)

2. His Parents

Son of a Carpenter and the 'Virgin Mary'

maybe their names are Joseph and Mary maybe not

Young couple just got pregnant (Jane the Virgin type situation?), decide to keep it, one time there was a weird posh guy who told her she would bear the Second Coming of the Son of God and she replied "I don't even want an abortion, man" and forgot about it (4)

Punk adjacent working class parents in the 90s

Atheist-raised Christ?

3. Jesus had a hell of a weird childhood

Sparks of divine energy at random times, often emotionally triggered

Brought objects to life and revived dead pets for friends

4. Good Omens tie-in

The events of GO 1 may have triggered something in him (5) and since then miracles happen more and more frequently and he's learning to control them

He finds himself speaking truths he can't quite wrap his own head around

There are still bursts that are linked to emotions, so sometimes it's not as easy to hide. With social media and all

It has attracted people to him, some of whon may see in him the Second Coming of Christ. It's true, he knows, but it feels like a dark secret because there is so much he doesn't understand

It's like a cult that he's barely a part of, yet he is the leader

5. His Environment

He's got this close circle of friends but twelve is a lot by those standards and it's mostly just hanging out with some of them at one time

There are few occasions with all of them present but it's always a good time.

Jesus doesn't have a favourite. He has some friends that are closer but everyone contributes to the group.

He still feels set apart from them all except:

6. Judas

is the boyfriend

Absolutely devoted to Jesus but also a natural born helper who puts the cause first and manages the budget of the group as organisers of protests or booths at pride

Crowley finds he is easy to tempt to do many things, but his resolve to protect Jesus is unwavering, temptations that involve Jesus in any way don't catch on Judas (6)

Jesus relies on Judas a lot. He's torn between his fate, this whole unknown side to the world, and Judas, his foot in the real world. His rock in the stormy sea.

7. Miscellaneous

Jesus has for sure taken apart a queerphobic booth next to a church once, at the far side of a Pride Event

He was drunk one summer night and came by a plum tree in someone's yard, plums not ripe just yet. He cussed it out half jokingly, forgetting about magic bursts. Then next day the tree is completely shrivelled up

Got thoughts about Jesus? 💌 (69)

(1) yeah, it's that kind of post

(4) is there one christ per generation? That never goes off bc it's never the time. Like a switch needs to be switched to activate the sleeper agent Christ within. (All humans are made the same. Anyone could be christ.

(2) to my knowledge (adequate) Christ's birth is placed ca 4-7 BC, making him 34-37 in 30 or even 37-40 in 33 ad where his main work that we usually know him from (not the carpentry) took place.

(3) I'll refer to Jesus as he in this post bc that's easier

- is there one woodworker's kid per generation, across the globe that is just Soooooooooo fucking weird?

- does Gabriel visit one mother per generation and activate a Jesus Gene or ...

(5) or was the book of life used to activate that?

(6) I am a firm believer in 'Judas tried to deescalate the situation in Jerusalem before Jesus could come to any harm by choosing the lesser of all evils, which to him seemed to be having Jesus arrested and locked up for the duration of Pesach.' This plan however, spectacularly backfired. He unknowingly sent humanity's God-approved sacrificial lamb exactly where it could be most effectively used. Poor sod. He was just in love and unaware of the power of a mimetic crisis.

---

(69) This is the last footnote. Please step into my inbox 💌 with opinions and ideas. As I update this post, I will tag to credit ideas that weren't mine.

#good omens #the second coming #jesus #crowley #judas #quip #my writing #wip

[wonhosmistress]

Aphrodisia;Prologue

(NSFW)

Word Count: 1,196

Warnings: Slight mention of Kinks, sexual BDSM themes, sex work, and lastly, TW! toxic-ish relationship mentions. Think I missed some? Lmk and send me a dm, I'll update this.

A/N:I have no IDEA how long this took for me finish because I’ve been teasing this series for a couple months with the only two teasers I mentioned of Hyunjin. Seems I have a lot of sub!Hyunjin enthusiasts because same y’all. 😩I promise to finish the Hyunjin before June ends and after that I’ll focus more on other members.

Anyways! This is the prologue enjoy this unfiltered, unedited, there will be hella grammar mistakes and I don’t plan to edit it because it’s too much work and I honestly just want to post ASAP. It’s been far too long since I’ve written and had any sort of inspo to write. Thanks to my dear mutual @nirvanawrites111 she gave me hella inspo with her amazing works!! I’m obsessed with her writing please go do me a favor and read her amazing stories/fics.

Also I tried to add the read more on mobile but I’m a dumbass and idk how to work tumble mobile sometimes lmao. So I apologize for anyone that will see this and doesn’t want to see it.

As a result of unsuccessful relationships and partners being concerned about where she went or what she was doing, she became more secretive about her whereabouts. Even though she wanted to be honest and open with them, she hesitated on many occasions; if she were to be bold and unapologetic they would go insane and ask questions like, "Why did you choose this job out of all the others?", "Are you cheating on me?", etc.

Those tiresome scenarios were one of the reasons she was always the one that broke it off with them, and so she took it upon herself to take a break from her dating life to focus on herself.

She had a job that wasn't just any regular job.

OnlyFans? No

Camgirl? No.

A phone Sex worker? No.

Feet pics? No.

Used panties? No

For her working at night was ideal because her sleeping schedule only allowed her to be a night owl. Even before any partner appeared in her life she was still in the process of discovering a whole new part of herself that she wasn't aware existed, and here she was in a dungeon that she had been hired at over a year ago and was one of the few popular dommes among the clients.

"How are you feeling?", She stood next to the man sitting on the loveseat.

"I'm good, Mistress." He smiled at her.

"Would you like some water?" He nodded in response.

She walked towards the room next door and back to the playroom to hand him the bottle.

She crouched down to his level to face him as well to check in with him, "How are you feeling? Was it too much?", she asked curiously as to how she could improve. What she should've done is saved that question for the head domme but she didn't and took the risk.

"No. Not at all. It was perfect, I enjoyed every second of it."

He faced her smiling at him and held her hand realizing he shouldn't be doing that.

"I'm sorry...may I?" She smiled warmly at him not pulling her hands away from his grasp.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

While she had not broken skin or drawn blood, she still left a few red welts on him. She grabbed the first aid kit in the corner and treated his wounds, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"No need to thank me. You went out of your way to give it a shot when you could've easily backed out and I would've still respected your decision. BDSM isn't everyone's cup of tea and so we've learned to respect everyone's decision."

She applied a first-aid ointment to every single red mark on his back; he hissed at the lightest touch, "I'm sorry, I know it hurts I'm just trying to make sure these heal quickly and nicely."

"I know and I appreciate it."

"Done." She stood up and handed him his T-shirt. "Make sure to take a warm bath or shower after you get home and keep applying ointment on the marks afterward.

He smiled at her making his way toward the exit.

"Will do.",

She smiled at him and nodded, seeing him off.

That was one of the roughest BDSM scenes she had done in a while. She would like to take time to make sure her submissive didn't go into a sub-drop, but sadly she couldn't. If it were her, she would go out of her way to remain with every submissive for a bit longer. However, her boss had to remind her that they only came here for a service nothing more. Because of this, she couldn’t be there for more than ten to fifteen minutes with her clients after their sessions ended.

~~~~~

"See you tomorrow night!" Her boss told her as they both headed in different directions.

She silently walked for the next couple of four blocks by herself and finally got closer to her apartment. She walked up the stairs and opened the door to her place. The second she got in she took off her shoes left them at the entrance and hung her purse on the rack.

Exhausted and couldn't even begin to explain how she felt after handling four subs back to back today. It was not an ideal situation for her couldn't handle more than two subs a day because her anxiety and insecurities kept creeping back up on her.

She meditated, journaled, exercised, and even set days apart for self-care plus, she detoxed from her constant electronic use. She ate healthily and did her best to keep her homey environment clean and organized. However, regardless of what she did something inside her told her she couldn't keep doing this.

She craved something new and stable.

She loved domming but maybe because of all her ex-partner's insecurities of themselves as she hid her true identity was reflecting on herself.

Could it be that deep inside she was ashamed of her job and what she did?

Years ago when she discovered the person she truly was glowed with confidence. How could she even be a dominatrix if she wasn't sure of herself and her current job?

Oh no.

She was experiencing not only her anxieties but also a dom drop.

Telling her boss; she was fine could've been a mistake because she was responsible for taking care of her dommes since half of them didn't have a partner to take care of them.

Fuck.

~~~~~

Two years Later:

Two years and a half of learning Korean were a big help during the entire process of her moving across the world. She wasn't fluent yet but could manage conversations with her neighbors, classmates, and strangers. And so here she was, sitting inside a cafe shop a couple of blocks from the Korean class she had just finished attending.

It seemed like only yesterday, she was experiencing the worst anxiety and burnout from only a year of working as a domme which was odd considering that she had never once felt like that before. But it made sense since she kept getting the gnawing feeling that she shouldn't have gotten into the dominatrix world way too early and so she took it upon herself to resign to take time for herself; and continue her future as domme by researching more information about the career, lifestyle, and possibly a new business.

The grueling work of research, language learning, space vacancy, furniture shop, etc made her take a step back and reconsider if she could do this all by herself. Thankfully, after taking a couple of weeks to continue her research she found herself posting on an exclusive adult site looking for dommes to work with her.

After returning calls and doing interviews she had successfully found four dommes who wanted to continue their careers in the kink community and so never once she thought, that she out of all people would be involved with any of Korea's music industry. Especially the ever so sexually frustrated men of Kpop that had an image and reputation to uphold in the industry, their companies, and not to forget their fans.

#sub!kpop #ximes’ 💭 #ximes’ inferno #sub!idol #Aphrodisia

[docholligay]

Marrowbone

Thank you so much to @iscahwynn for buying this from me for my mother's birthday trip! I am happy to say this is SOLD OUT FOR THE YEAR. (And I have no idea if it'll come back next year--I don't think I have a major trip to help with) In October, I'll be doing Hero, and in November, I'll be doing Parasite. Keep your eyes peeled if a book is of interest to you, and then after I get my schedule done, there may be some other ancillaries!

This is a Spanish horror film in English. That isn’t me saying that everything inspired by a different film is stealing it, this is me saying a Spanish writer and a Spanish director made a film in English, and it is very Spanish in feel and in the sort of “scare” we’re offering up. Me putting that in quotation marks makes it seem like I don’t appreciate Spanish horror but Spanish horror is in fact my very favorite if we have to pin down extremely large and broad swaths of movie by country. However, I understand why a movie like this would not necessarily be appreciated by a lot of fans of horr or casual horror watchers. It’s pensive, it’s slow, it doesn’t have a lot in the way of actual ‘scares’ because that’s just not, by and large, what Spanish horror films DO. If someone is looking for a film that involves a lot of the American style of extreme tension and release (Which I also enjoy. This is absolutely not me dogging on American horror.) then this film really isn’t for you. 

BUT, if you love the idea of pursuit in an emotional sense, of the walls closing in and reality coming for you as you attempt to hide from it, this might be right up your alley. Is it as good as The Orphanage? No, I’m not sure I think it is. It’s really missing some of those ‘pop’ moments, like “toca la pared’ in its driving force, and I think a couple of the characters feel a little half-formed, but it is a deeply enjoyable film if you are a fan of this style of horror film

Horror is always a difficult medium because what horror is and means to people is so different. It’s like comedy, only I would argue that people seem to realize more easily that comedy is extremely personal. Horror is the same. Not just ‘what scares you’ though that as well, but ‘what are looking for in a horror? What does that mean to you?’ 

So, Me: In horror I generally want a supernatural base for a story, and I prefer it to say something, though i am totally fine with “Isn’t this fucked up?” as long as the tension is well balanced and i don’t feel insulted. I tend to prefer ghost stories where there is some sort of explanation for the haunting, as is more common in European and American stories, and truly adore possession stories. When it comes to what i like horror movies to be about, many things, but I’m very fond of memory, and history, and guilt, and what the idea of a person is. 

All this to say that in many ways, this is tailored to me. 

Jack is this axis upon which the family spins, even long before his mother dies, the stable and straightforward one. Each of the siblings has their own role, but it matters that Jack is the one to survive because in truth he’s the only one that could survive. And with his mother dead, he has to keep this massive secret. I would argue with a great many parts of this whole “We have to hide that our mother is dead to the extent that we cannot fucking leave the house in rural Maine” and as someone who has lived in rural America most of my life, I am not sure that it holds up in narrative court, but ultimately it’s not so distracting that it pulls me out of the story. It’s part and parcel of how the story has to work, though it DID make me figure out they were dead. Jack is under immense strain, though, even before they die. It’s plucking at the fabric of his mental state long before his father comes and kills everyone. 

(For all being confused by the fact that he can’t do anything until he’s 21, the age of majority in the US was not 18 (I would argue it still is not, but that’s a different post entirely) in the US until 1971, in the wake of the Vietnam War and specifically the draft. Not that he would have been in much better shape in the UK--the age of majority became 18 there only in 1969.)

But when they ARE killed, they come back to save his life (according to Jack’s version of them*) and they are all aspects of Jack. It’s important to remember that Jack is actually doing everything for himself. So, Jane is the nurturing aspect of Jack’s self, the one who cooks and cares and soothes, Billy is his anger, his ability to destroy and to kill--at the end, it’s the voice of Billy that goes, “let me do this”--and of course Sam is his innocence, Jack’s need to be protected and cared for, the part of him that is afraid and young. On a rewatch, it’s actually pretty easy to see how their personalities change to fit these incredibly broad strokes after they die, because our memories of people are not those people. They are the coastal outlines of how we remember them. Jack is saved by the aspects of the people he loved. 

I want to DO something with the idea that the family escapes England, runs from it, to come to America, and the exact same trouble that they had in England follows them here. The same murder and abuse and pain comes for them anyway, a sea between them. And the mother is from Maine, or her family is. I’m not sure what to do with all of that, but it feels like that’s so much work to simply be a coincidence. But I’m not just not sure what to do with it. I could do a whole idea about the very formation of America, about this idea that is very much a part of the building of the American idea where your history is anew the second you step over the border, where you are far enough away from the ‘old world’ that you can escape its horrors. But you can’t. It comes for you, it comes down the chimney, it kills the things you love, and is this part and parcel of the inescapable horror of Where You Come From? I don’t know that I LOVE that as an answer, it feels imperfect to me, but I feel like that’s such a very specific choice, especially with taking the money from there, that there has to be something in it. 

And I mean, that doesn’t have to be specifically about the US and the UK, you could say the same thing about Spain and Mexico, to bring it back to the writer/director, where there are so many good things about the US/Mexico, but also horrors that have been inherited from the UK/Spain, and it is impossible to live in a house that was built for people across the shore and to keep out the horrors. 

On that note, let’s talk about Tom, who is a little mustache-twirling for my tastes in a movie that is essentially about escape and memory and how we choose to live with tragedy.  I’m not sure if this has anything to do with The UK, sure, but specifically England--and this family is specifically English--and the US have a really difficult history, we are family of a kind, but we can also resist each other and be pretty cruel to one another. This feels like a kind of anger, a kind of resentment that no matter how well you do, no matter how absolutely ruined Jack/the UK is, he’s preferred for what? Suffering in silence instead of wanting more? ALSO ALSO, and I don’t know that the writers even knew this, but it could be something about how the well-being of the UK has, for at least the last 70-odd years, been tied in a large way to the well-being of the US. The two worst recessions in the Uk before the pandemic were tied to US CRISES. The recession in the early 00s, the worst in the UK since WW2, was tied to OUR subprime mortgage crisis. In the 90s? Tied to our savings and loan crisis. We are inevitably fucking tied to each other, and also we hate each other. I was going to write something else, but I’m getting off-track, and I don’t know if I think this is totally supported by the narrative, but I want to do something with Tom that is more than ‘mean antagonist’ and so I’m standing here before you with a list of recessions in the Uk going “Is this anything?”

I actually think Anya Taylor-Joy is a bit wasted here, as her character requires very little, and is mainly an accessory and an idea to everything that is happening. Maybe I’m underselling it--it’s completely possible that without Taylor-Joy, the character would become so weak and one-dimensional as to be annoying, and she never really does that, she feels unexceptional and real, and that is enough. 

This is by design, of course. WE are Allie. We immediately fall in love with the family and are kept emotionally distant from the reality of their situation. We understand things only as they come to us through Jack. We have to rely on his version of events. Remember the ‘reveal’ is through his little book. We choose to believe him, because like Allie, we love him. 

So Iscah asked me what I think of the ending and specifically what I think of the idea, as put it “that it seems to be cast as positive” that he is still seeing his family. Do I think it’s being cast as positive? I don’t know if I do. I do think it is designed to put him in sharp contrast with his mother, who has everyone step over the line and forget everything that came before, and even when Jack himself does this, it’s to forget something instant and specific. I think part of what’s it’s saying is that what his mother attempts is impossible. That our pasts and our presents are impossibly tied up in one another, and to set it aside is going to end in tragedy. And, in fairness, maybe that makes it correct that Jack’s still living ‘with’ his siblings. 

 It’s certainly not being cast as fully negative, I’ll give you that all day long, but I don’t know if I fully agree that it’s being cast as positive. It’s sort of cast as neutral. If it were cast as positive I’d argue that he would be living a richer, fuller life. When we come upon him, we don’t even really interact with him, Allie comes upon him sleeping on the porch, and wakes him up. There’s no indication that he’s helped by the haunting of his siblings. There’s no indication he ever leaves the house.  Now, could he someday end up having a good life, with something he enjoys doing, and marrying Allie, fixing up the house, al the things he’d like to do? Sure, perhaps. But also could he end up essentially always sitting on that porch staring into the field. 

I do think that is the point, actually. That he could go either way, now. That he has decided, and Allie has decided, that living with the denial of what’s happened is better than living with the reality of what has, and whatever happens after there is still up to them. He was going into town and making cakes and selling things and all that when he was hallucinating his family as alive, so there’s really no reason why he can’t learn to repair plaster and lath while Billy holds the ladder or whatever. I realize I’m being a little flippant about it, but I think when you’re dealing with being, we’ll just call it odd for the sake of casting a wide net, you can learn to live with it, and learn to be a reasonably happy person with it, most of the time. You may not do everything the way other people do, but you can learn to make it work. 

In all, I really enjoyed this movie, but I don’t know that I would say it’s a slam dunk. The characterization really leaves something to be desired, and while I am absolutely making things out of it, I have no idea how much of that is based in intention and how much of it is simply me seeing what I’d like to see. The dialogue is sometimes very stilted, and while I think the idea is fantastic, I think the execution needs a little massaging. All that said, I love this kind of movie and so I would happily recommend it to anyone else who ALSO likes this kind of movie. 

*This brings me to a very very interesting point, which is: Do they come back, or are they only figments of Jack’s imagination? You might say, ‘Well, Doc, the doctor says that he’s nuts, and even you said that every single one of them is an aspect of Jack.” Listen just because I said something doesn’t mean I’m not going to argue with it literally five minutes later, and also, this could be something that almost BECOMES a possession narrative. Is there a chance that he 

On that note, I don’t actually think the narrative believes this or backs this, because we have Allie physically and literally see his father, but an interesting idea that his father is also an aspect of himself and he killed his siblings under the pressure of caring for them. Note that I don’t think the story bears that out and I don’t think that’s the intention of the film, but it’s an interesting thought experiment. But it’s at the bottom because I don’t think it’s ‘real’.

#commission reviews #Doc watches movies

[mcflymemes]

NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2007 film

maybe one day i'll wear this to a party i'm actually invited to.

this is the right place.

did no one read my book?

let me guess! it's the wrong time! it's the wrong place! i'm wrong again!

it could contain something dangerous!

we're in england.

you fell in love with me on a treasure hunt.

then fine! if that's what you want, then let's have it out right now!

i flew all the way to london to offer my help, and you don't need it?

if you were trying to convince me, you'd have less evidence and i'd already believe you by now.

concealed in those pages is the key to something much, much bigger.

that was not love! that was excitement! adrenaline! tequila!

you're the one making a scene right now.

i was going to have the movers bring them to you next week.

you know what that means.

you have his number on speed dial?

take it from the best. you're a natural.

that's very nice, but it's kind of a bad time right now.

you're so good at puzzles, i'm sure you'll figure it out.

i want you to do something for me.

death and despair. mostly death.

you guys are so great together.

i get lucky a lot.

all of you will get credit for this discovery.

it's a little golden man.

you're wrong to assume i'd like the chair.

your dad called me.

just promise you'll come back for me.

did you get a chance to look at page 47?

you're wearing the perfume i got you.

the fire alarm's gone off.

this doesn't involve another treasure hunt, does it?

well, would you look at that.

my first felony.

just because you may know what my answer is going to be, doesn't mean you don't have to ask me.

what is going on with the education in america?

the past is filled with incredible mysteries.

everyone listen to this.

what's the final clue?

even if something like that really did exist, why do you think i would actually just give it to you?

i was going to say you could keep them.

we gotta be on the other side of that door!

so when did you realize it was a fake argument?

you did that in twenty five seconds.

they want to believe it.

two hundred people know you held me against my will.

i'm gonna kidnap him.

you've got to find where that leads before they do.

you always seem to know what's best.

we won't leave you behind.

get out of there. i had to move the car.

just because i answer a question quickly doesn't make it wrong.

all i need is a few minutes with the president.

are you talking about the book?

god save the queen.

sorry. couldn't resist.

i need to see that book.

just have a look at that.

where's the phone?

that's what couples do.

my girlfriend kicked me out.

this could be a horrible trap.

oh, now look what you've done.

wait, is there more than one?

been drinking, have we?

nobody leaves unless i say so.

dismount the bannister!

you can do that?

what did you find now? atlantis?

when i assume i'm right, and it turns out my assumption is correct, how is that wrong?

one of us is going to have to stay behind.

we have thirty seconds to disable the alarm.

oh look. my tax dollars at work, coming to arrest me.

people don't believe in that stuff anymore.

there are three, actually.

so i guess my opinion doesn't matter.

that door's not gonna stay open by itself.

i can't find anything in this mess.

when you make a decision without asking me, and you happen to be right... you got lucky.

no, i'm just kidding.

is that for us?

the last time i checked, we make our living off crazy.

wouldn't it just have been easier to make an appointment?

i think it smells kind of pretty.

well, you never know.

we both know what has to happen here.

it's only temporary until i can find a new place.

the following conversation never took place.

when did you realize that i was actually arguing during the fake argument?

what book?

i'll drive.

one of us stays behind.

what's new with you?

that's not true.

someone else is after the treasure.

maybe you could come and move back in with me?

you think we don't know about it?

i've been doing the math here.

when you say "so" it means you're angry.

do you know the origin of the expression?

it's sort of like a puzzle.

history can remember you forever.

why would i overreact to that?

how'd they find us so quick?

#rp starters #rp memes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp musings #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #writing prompt #askbox meme #ask memes #rp asks #ask meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #sentence starter #sentence starters #sentence starter prompt #mcflymemes #national treasure #another remake of an old meme #more expanded version :)

[hattiestgal]

you should talk more about alex (smiling at you btw)

HELLO AGAIN BESTIE also goddd I need to flesh out his story a little more but like I'll tell you what I've got so far.

Say hi to big n' bold hyena, Alex Lyn (She/Him)!

Broke college kid of Whittleton University, avid hockey player, and butch extraordinaire, Alex is a gentle giant with a lot of learning to do!

Earlier in her life, Alex had a lot of trouble socializing with people, constantly under the belief that he was a monster, which she actively tried to take on the persona of, reasoning it was better to keep people away than inevitably ruin their life in some way or another. This notion had been nailed in his head young, near constantly suffering under abuse from her parents.

Rather wanting to be the monster to keep people away than hurt them, Alex learned to be loud and stand-offish, to set a reputation for himself and keep interactions to a minimum, extensively worked out (even practically bodybuilding at one point). And generally speaking, the plan had worked quite well... except for one little problem

Come college (thank god, any chance to not live in the same house as her parents), a little cat - Harlow - had picked him out of the crowd of students immediately and had seemingly made it their life mission to try and socialize with the very obviously big and scary hyena.

At first, Alex thought this had to be a ploy for popularity, I mean, it had to be, right? No one tries to make friends with the monster... right? They had to be like... doing this to get something out of her! Some embarrassing secret that would ruin his life, some tool to make fun of her, anything! this wasn't NORMAL.

And yet, even after all of Alex's pushback, Harlow remained. Eventually, Alex realized they simply wanted to spend time with him. they were well... someone to confide in. Alex finally realized that they had been listening attentively to Harlow this whole time. Even in all of her fighting against it, he was slowly becoming friends with them.

After that, over the next couple years of college, their friendship blossomed into something more. This 6'5" giant was completely dumbstruck by this tiny little cat. The first dates were timid, slow, and a little confused. Sure, Alex had been opening up over the course of her college years, but that didn't stop the fears, the lack of social knowledge, or anything else from bleeding into it.

It's been a long while of figuring everything out. But eventually, that willingness to open up allowed him to make a tight knit circle of friends, process that it may have been to get there. Sometimes those insecurities worm their way into her head, but now, he's got people who are happy to help work through that.

#hat answers #lore dump - little pocket #(though this is technically in a different city) #my ocs #my art #Alex Lyn #Harlow Reese