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#and there's the last part!

tag rant cause i mean. the format’s just better for some things. and who’s gonna care anyway lmao

#i was gonna do this on one of the flashlight posts but#i don't want to cause lmao i know it doesn't matter cause it's about nick#(and i'm giffing the flashlight gifs literally for the george at a beach imagery)#and those sets are jack and while i don't feel like i'm a good enough fan of george as a whole at this point#(in terms of idk. creating? intaking? content??? it just feels so empty right now)#(everything does)#idk it's like there's still this part of my brain that does still actively love myself#cause sometimes i just get like#really distinct flashes of imagery or lines for fics or just story ideas as a whole#and in dreams esp--i had a good jack dream last week#but i've also been having this now like#recurring dream almost#even though it's only been twice#of nick at a beach#with naomi (an oc of mine)#and the first time it was sort of whumpy and i couldn't see his face but was instead like reading a book or somethin#as in i was reading a book#reading him calling out for naomi in a super slow pained voice but i HEARD him#then a few nights ago i'm watching arrested development and there's a shot of michael falling in sand in a volleyball court#that tickled me in thinking of nick#for just the briefest of moments#and either that stuck with me or some other beach thing inspired me cause last night#i had a dream about seeing nick and naomi's wedding in a flashback sort of sequence apparently#(while the other wedding going on was i think madison's?)#(which is funny cause i have a WIP that kind of is like that except it's parker and nick in present and past respectively)#(taking their first steps out into the world on their OWN--parker in college and nick in his first PD job)#anyway#there was a wedding and i still couldn't see nick's face??? the flashback was colored darker too#cause i was literally saying out loud 'make it like a sepia tone' and then i start seeing greg for some reason#all beat up
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#this is the second time someone in my family has died and my main concern is 'when will the funeral be so i can take time off work'#is grief the emotion u feel towards the person who died?? bc like. im not feeling it#i feel a washed out version of it#like there's some memory or thought i havent had yet that REALLY makes me feel it#is this. normal. or??#bc last time it was an uncle i never saw but this time its my grandpa#like. he was shitty and i didnt like him very much but i also saw him a lot#and i feel more sad bc i know my gma and dad will be ruined by this#and not so much. that he's dead.#like. is this something i should be concerned about??#i cant tell if this is actually something im experiencing or if im like#trying to force myself into grief to relieve some of the guilt i have over not feeling it#like all im thinking is 'what will my family think when i dont cry at the funeral'#and im starting to notice that all of the times ive actually felt grief has been when a pet died#which is fine like pets are a part of my family they aren't just animals we keep for fun#but. when my dog beanie died i was like. distraught#idk im seeing symptoms everywhere and my paranoia is getting worse#i can't do anything anymore without feeling my phone camera or my laptop camera on me#i cant tell if this is just denial or if my own brain is in the process of tricking itself into a depressive episode#so that way id at least feel SOME kind of sad abt this#idk#there's a term i remember learning in psych abt the feeling of dissociation in place of certain emotions but idk what it is
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She finally has some sensible clothes

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#Doodles#Original#The Mouse and The Mermaid#And some nonsensible ones but those are for funsies#Upfront - I didn't design any of these I played with a few online dollmakers and spliced outfit parts from those#Most are simple enough that that wouldn't be an issue but I'm not about to steal the thunder of the more complex designs#Just a fun dress up session to better get an idea of her taste - she's quite cutesy and feminine#The first one is definitely closest to the one I originally designed but there's a nice simplicity to it#Not quite as many moving parts#I did intentionally make it as close as I could and then played with all the rest lol#The second one was supposed to be kind of like her maid outfit as well#Not related to the outfit but I haven't have an unfinished doodle due to other art being in the way for a while#Even long since I haven't edited it out but I kinda like it better like that#Also I quite like the bows as a wrist accent quite cute#I had to draw the overalls twice 'cause while her pose is cute it doesn't make the outfit very visible#She actually looks pretty happy in the skirt and dress outfits#I like how the cut is basically the opposite from the skirt to the dress - very high waist down to hip huggers#Both are very cute on her#And then I was just being silly and picking for the last one lol a mouse with a cat-themed outfit#I wouldn't be surprised if they were hand-me-downs from some cat friend's kittens and that's why they're oversized lol#Little claw-guard mittens ahh
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god i can’t wait until i’m old enough that people stop asking if i’m in school

#it happens at least 2 or 3 times a day as a cashier#and its so uncomfortable telling people that i dropped out last year#i like to act like im not ashamed of it at all#and the logical part of my brain knows that there's nothing shameful about it#and im grateful every single day that i did drop out#but i know that people will judge me for it. and even though i know thats wrong of them it still hurts#ive had so many people tell me im throwing my life away#and i cant explain to them that dropping out is the only reason im alive today#that for the first time since i was 11 years old i actually see myself having a future#not in spite of dropping out but BECAUSE i dropped out#so i just have to nod along and say that maybe i'll go back one day even though i know i never will#it makes me want to fucking scream#god and when the people who knew me in highschool find out... talking about 'oh but you were always so smart!!'#yeah and i also daydreamed about killing myself in between classes most days because of how badly school fucked up my mental health#but because my grades were good obviously academia had to be the right path for me /s#and then on the flip side to those people is my friend who i met after i had already dropped out#who likes to tease me for being stupid and was shocked when i told her i graduated highschool with a 4.3 gpa#like the possibility that i had done well in school had never even occurred to her#idk this isnt going anywhere#i just have a lot of thoughts about the way the world perceives you when you're a dropout#and ive kept them bottled up for way too long#so here they are ig
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not me genuinely crying over a got7 ig post…….

#see yall when g7 comes back#i was a FOOL bc i got knto the got7 ig tag to look for a specific post but started seeing other posts ofc#and now im SOBBIGN#BRO IM........#why am i going to start sobbing#someone rly said “this will probably be the last red carpet we'll see them together” and expected me to not cry HUH!!!!!!#they cant go man they cant im going to cry#like im 100% happy they're leaving jype like there's no drawbacks from that im just happy theyre finally escaping#but like..... i want them to be together forever and it sounds dumb because i dont know them and theyre celebrities anf all that stuff#but like...... them and their music have been there for me in like. my darkest moments????#and even if they hadnt theyve brought me so much joy and their music is so good and just. i cant think of got7 not being a whole unit#and i KNOW theyre staying together theyve said theyre not parting and got7 forever and mark said this isnt an ending and stuff#but idk whats going to happen now and there'll just have to be time before theyre back and just.#STOP I DONT WANT TO CRY ANYMORE#why am i crying over a kpop band this is so stupid 🥺#but like. they genuinely matter to me :( i might not know them personally but i know theyve been treated like shit but they genuinely love#each other and they wanna be together and make music and make igot7 happy#and they HAVE!!! theyve made us so so so happy#and they will continue to!! we just need to wait and hope for the best#fuck man why am i so emotional why am i crying fuck this#i love them im going to miss them so much im goign to love them and wait for them forever#honey talk#got7#kpop
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Abby: Strong as an ox, hell-bent on revenge, will beat anyone to death with a blunt object, all work no play, what is a moral compass

Also Abby: “Someone wants to get laaaaidd”

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told mum I’m gay and she tried to do that supportive-but-homophobic thing and was like “it’s okay bc the world is ending and soon you’ll be dead so you won’t have to worry abt the temptation”

#mine#death tw#internalised and external homophobia abounds#also paranoia#listen I'm feeling the generational trauma a bit hard rn#and I'm trying not to isolate myself but I don't want to scare others#there's nothing to be done#anyway mum was helping me w the dishes last night and asked if I was right w God and bc I'm feeling Very close to death I said it depends#and it was all v standard except for the part I had to explain that gender is different from sexuality#mum said she understands temptation and I asked if she wanted to kiss a woman and she said no#she then went on to talk abt how I don't have to give in and used the metaphor of me eating too much candy as a child#and I said the metaphor fell apart bc candy is okay to have in moderation but there is no moderately acceptable amount of gay I can indulge#and she's like okay let's use stealing then there's no acceptable amount of stealing and I said digital piracy and she was like fine murder#and I bit my tongue bc that one is kinda heavy but also I rly don't appreciate my desire for a wife being compared to a stabbing#and mum was all '' even if you get a wife you won't be happy '' and I'm like I'm not happy now so#listen... I'm v sad and scared that I won't have a happy ending#mum keeps saying to focus on heaven but fundamentally I CAN'T#I don't know what I'm supposed to look forward to!! I care SIGNIFICANTLY more abt avoiding damnation than I do abt '' eternal joy ''#and apparently I can't do that either bc you can't get to heaven if you only care abt escaping hell which means I'm still going to hell#so I just try not to think abt it at all bc I keep doing it wrong and everything I think is always wrong and it's sinful but not so long as#I don't '' do '' anything and listen.. I want to die#and I can't even do THAT because it's a sin too#yeah this is about opal#darling if you see this I'm sorry I love you#I'm sorry you love me
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#as much as im a creative person i tihink i need to stel=p back from fandom spaces bc this is the most overwhelmed and overworked ive been in#my entire life and thinking about creating things for fandom as a thing on my todo list just Isnt It#and ive had this same train of thoguht before like#is this the last tiem im gonna be a part of a fandom??#and honestl yy probably not#mobies and shows and books will come out and ill get absuredly intp them#andd like. its literally been a month into mcyt and i can already tell i need to. step back only liveblog??? i think yeha#quite frankyl. its a waste of my time to?? do fandom things not bc im above it bc i find. a lot of enjoyment in it just creativly i have#other things i enjoy??#adn ive been in fandom spaces for so gd long and ive spent so muc h of my life consumed w it#and looking at like. my fucking screentime or whatever#its a problem and not bc its a lot og time bc im using it as a distraction from other things i need to do#i enjouy fandom i think its fun however im in yr12 im doing 4 and a half alevels and im doing driving theory and im behind on all of it#an d i still need to learn js properly#and theres a lot of like. things abt myself adn teh way im conducting my life that i need to improve and one of them is cutting out fandom#i think. today made me rlly realise shit like#i went tp skeep at 5am i was woekn up at 7 i sltep iuntil 10 i was late for my lesson#and tehn i got overwhelmed w all the stiff i had to do so i didnt do it and tehn i went out to the shop to procrastinate smoe more#im behind to the point where i might need to drop some things and i dont want to drop any of my school work i still want to learn js i still#want to improve my gutiar i still want to do my driving tehory#fandom needs to go#i wonder if. i f i never really got into fanfic or tumblr when i was younger if i would be better off#i would have a healthieir sleeping schedual i wpuld be better at school/less distracted. but i wpouldn t have met certain people and i would#have been even lonlier when i was younger#i cant tell if this is teh best or worse ive been mentally and its rlly fucking with me#anyway. dnr
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so someone’s working on a translation for the Ahsoka novel on the local forum and I found that it’s rather quaint for us in the Cantonese context to translate.

In standard education, there is a clear distinction between spoken (Cantonese) and written (Chinese), but there’s no rule against transcribing what one says as well, just with less familiar, sometime archaic letters. (and I wouldn’t know how much is internalized as ‘less elegant’ but I digress)

how the translation was handled, was very obviously, Cantonese dialogue plus written Chinese descriptors. (there is movement to revitalise written Cantonese in recent years along with local sentiment.) Regardless, it was rather necessary for the description to remain written Chinese as it’d be quite confusing to read ‘they’ all over the page, since the Cantonese pronoun is not gendered.

My attempt translating a script of The Phantom Apprentice already proved a challenging task. Yet I think there is some sort of shortcut translating into Cantonese than Chinese.

Because as a tonal language, emotions are marked with individual interjection at the end of the sentence. So adding a simple character could sum up the emotion quite conveniently without sieving for the right collocation within the sentence.

Anyway, I just love how smart ass we’re making them talk.

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