#and they keep wanting me to cross over

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

*

#ranting in the tags like a big whiny baby #reminder to myself never to cross post a story to tumblr again #getting interaction from only one person on a fic is a big oof (don't get me wrong tho I absolutely eat that interaction up) #and i hate having to tag people to have anyone see it because then I feel like i'm forcing them to read and i dont want to do that either #writing a 70k word fic over the course of 6 months and not having the fandom interact with it at all because its not x reader hurts too #the lack of interaction is a big ouchie to the pride #makes me feel like i'm stuck being a one trick pony with kit if i want anyone to be interested in my stuff #but then i also cant just write smut all day either #writing for my self just isn't all that much fun right now. I love my story but I want others to love it too. #gotta suck it up and keep on keeping on. at least AO3 readers got my back

[goldkirk]

.

#I am struggling so hard to pinpoint where the lines are in discussions of situations like the franke and hildebrandt behaviors #because like ok #people keep being so outraged and angry and baffled that they viewed the kids as #deliberately willful and disobedient #and then transitioned into believing them to be infected with evil and or influenced or possessed by demons or under satanic influence #and that’s where everyone is like HOW COULD THEY THINK THIS HOW COULD THEY TELL THEM THAT HOW COULD THEY ETC ETC #and that’s where everyone loses me #like yeah. of course it’s wrong. of course it’s damaging and shitty. but like. what in the world is everyone so shocked and upset by #about that concept (not the physical abuse it caused obviously) #how are you shocked. how are you shocked? it’s just the logical conclusion of believing children have disobedient evil wills #like if you assume evil you’re only going to escalate from there. OBVIOUSLY #I don’t understand how it’s different #where do things cross these lines? no one explains that to me #normal life as usual while tons of kids including me spend years or decades believing we’re evil and under stubborn satanic influence #but in one of the rare situations where it rises to public awareness suddenly everyone is shitting bricks over it #I want those kids drowned in love forever and I wish it never happened to them and their situation #was definitely so so so extreme and severe and I am so glad R was so brave and desperate and got them out #but like. how is everyone so shocked #this is standard. this is common. there’s a huge subculture of people doing and believing this shit #like why is it different just because this case is so visible #so like how is it so hard for people to grasp that this is a widespread issue #I don’t understand #of COURSE it’s wrong to do to someone but like #so many parents and adults do so many of the things these two did just less #fewer hours. less intensely. not in a desert. not with handcuffs and shit. etc. #where’s the line legally? where’s the line culturally? #like how am I supposed to grasp that it’s not a problem until it’s at some level that #I know it’s all Bad but I mean in terms of when the populace starts to mass-care

[redfeathered]

#Guess who has to call the doctor's office tomorrow once more #Not for one of the big reasons that have been building up over the past months. #Not because I need to discuss the results of the hospital tests. No. #(because I still haven't managed to call the hospital to ask for them) #No because that fucking tick bite acts up 3 weeks after #And because my fucking finger refuses to heal at all... #So I've got to call again once more #Beating myself about it #Using all the energy leaving nothing for all the other important calls I've been procrastinating on... #Whyyyy irghh #I dont have the energy to do all of it #FINGERS CROSSED I can go there early in the morning and don't have to cancel work.. I know I know health is more important and all... #But I don't want to let the kids keep hanging #I've got some pretty unstable clients tomorrow... #tumblr is my diary and you can read along #I can already tell I wouldn't survive chronic pain that's not dull pain #It frightens me how much the two weeks of constant sharp pain is fucking with my head already

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

while source hunting i found "Determined Raptures": St. Sebastian and the Victorian Discourse of Decadence by Richard A. Kaye which i think is about what i was talking about a few months ago abt st sebastian always being drawn sexually, but it goes into why which is cool

link to me going on abt st sebastian always being so erotic that is mostly for me because i keep losing it and i need a link or else it will be lost forever

#apparently he's a homoerotic icon which. i am not surprised ngl #i also found “Wantoning with the Thighs”: The Socialization of Thigh Sex in England 1590-1730 by Will Fisher #which. #is interesting #anyway let's talk about my day because i want to #i've gathered a lot of sources for my eroticism paper and had a genius bigbrain moment where i realized michelangelo's dying slave #could maybe be a venus pudica (specific pose typically reserved for venus-like figures. aka “modest” venus) #and i was like. yippee!! that's inherently sexual!!!! and it came from my brain so i don't have to cite it #also someone came up to me curious to what i was doing (bc i am spread across a large table w a lot of papers and i keep staring at #michelangelo's slave sculptures. and i have been. for four hours) #and i was like. i'm doing research and it was cool. they like art hist too. yay #also today was my last forensic psych class :(( #so sad. i love that class to death #also i almost got run over by a stupid fucking driver again!!!! >:( #this is because a main pathway for psych students in particular has so many blindspots and The Crosswalk is hiding from drivers #so they just hit the gas and hope no-one's crossing. but i am!!!! pay attention to your surroundings in a moderately high-foot-traffic area

[slimylittlemaggot]

I absolutely despise my roommate. She's racist, sexist, homophobic, and most likely transphobic. She has a stupid laugh. She annoys me sooo much. She doesn't even realize that I'm bisexual (even though I literally have a bi flag) and so she keeps making comments about the LGBTQ+ community, and when I tell her that's inappropriate and I would rather she wouldn't talk to me about those things then she just ignores me.

I need to get my other roommates to agree to kick her out, otherwise I will go insane.

#I hate her #I literally despise her #I want her gone #oh #yeah and theres the thing where she keeps just looking over at me wherever she is #and it's really creepy because she won't say anything #she just looks at me #I wonder if I can get the apartment manager to either move me to another apartment or kick her out #because I would honestly love that #and the apartment manager likes me #so fingers crossed #I would say this is one of the drawbacks of being an out-of-the-closet bisexual #but she doesn't even realize that I'm bisexual #so she'd make these comments whether I was bisexual or not #and I know for a FACT that she doesn't know that I'm bi #because she doesn't know ANY pride flags #she only knows the old rainbow flag

[nyxronomicon]

i was also thinking about choso when i made that vampire post ….. sighs

the post

Ughhh the way I'd obey him without question after that... Like yes of course that's the next step!! Please baby I need to make you cum!! better yet you can cum right inside my warm pussy while you drink a little more blood.....

#i just want him to lose control you know! go a lil feral #i want to spoil him and give him everything. all of me #he can drink from me until I'm an inch from death and then nurse me back to health..... then do it all over again #ugh he would be the perfect yandere vampire. keeps me just weak enough that i can't really leave #if i do start to get ideas he'll hypnotize then out of my stupid little head #gives me everything in return. a beautiful bedroom. free reign of the castle. anything i want #and it stops crossing my mind to leave. the outside world is barely a spare thought. I'm happy with Choso

[hecksupremechips]

Teehee I got hugged today 🥰

#the klock keeps ticking #it was literally like 2 seconds but idk im like WOOOOO #like it wasnt long enough for me to be all satisfied touch wise nah im so starved itd take all night and day man #and also this particular person is uh. very special ahem. and it was like #i wrapped my arms around them best I could and i could just feel their hips and like their body squish under my hands #cuz theyre so squishy and sturdy at the same time it felt safe and its like. thats really scary actually #ive never ever felt safe hugging anyone this kinda thing is brand new to me #touch in general is new to me. at least consensual touch that i wanted and initiated #and i just felt really nervous cuz like i really love this person but sometimes its hard cuz like ‘guys’ dont hug each other often #or at least not in a case like this where we’re friends but theres this sorta avoidance around anything romantic #cuz we’re both very awkward and also uh. trying not to cross certain boundaries just yet we need time #but unfortunately im so aaaaa rn and touch starved and i was like im just gonna bite the bullet and ask if we can hug LIKE A DAMN GAY ASS #its like fuck i may as well propose marriage and get on all fours while im at it aaghhhhh why am i like this #but it was fine they werent weirded out or anything. not visibly anyway. and they hugged me!!! #me! of all people! im like so happy we got to hug but im also really pissed cuz it was really brief and i didnt get to memorize how they #felt and now im just like grrrrr. fucking tease why must i be so tortured i get the smallest taste and then poof its gone #i just wanna cuddle and hug them for hours and pull their hair and feel their body all over and uhhhhhhhhh #ahem. i may be getting too gay here huh. damn itttt. fuck me. how do you ask your mate if you can explore bodies #in a way that definitely isnt platonic without making things weird

[themthistles]

not even joking i would kill for some kind of beyond evil sequel focusing on jihwa. it doesn't even have to be a full time drama. a mini-series, a movie, anything is fine i just need it

#she has so much potential as a character but the show just didn't. have. time for her #and i'm always sad about it #jwds don't need to be there like they can be referenced or make a guest appearance idc #jihwa works in a violent crimes unit #you're telling me there can't be a compelling story about a woman with decades of unpacked trauma #encountering worst of humanity everyday but desperately trying to believe in the goodness of it and through it in the goodness of self #you're telling me we can't have an arc of her finally forgiving herself for leaving for doubting for wanting more for herself #there's so much that can be explored #literally do none of you ever think about you're better than me you're all better than me i hope jeongje did it i'm a monster right #do you never think about i'm sorry but what i wanted was to run away not to be consumed by your desires #do you never head in hands over i never got in your way once i let you do whatever you wanted and now you're telling me not to cross over #she's always delivering lines of all time and for what #actually i take it back #dongsik can be there #series focusing on jh&ds's relationship would slap #also kim shinrok and shin hakyun as leads #their sheer acting power alone would blast brain outta my skull please and thank you #have not had interest in watching anything recently beyond evil let me fucking go let me care about something else PLEASE #promise of upcoming shim nayeon thriller drama with two female leads is the only thing keeping me afloat tbh #whenever that happens

[sisterdivinium]

.

#i'm procrastinating rewriting the last scene in the fic because i miss the show #(or rather because i'm going through mother superion withdrawal syndrome) #and so i have been deep diving in the mother superion tag #the sheer AUDACITY some people have in suggesting suzanne is straight??? why do you insult her and me like this #dni block me please and thanks #(gays i'm joking. i mean i'm not because i might block y'all het!suzanne heathens but anyway LOL) #(just to make sure: i AM joking but i also AM surprised) #(and tbqh i do not want to see it ever again ksjfhskjdfk y'all have fun just keep away) #silly blabbering #anyway my VERY LESBIAN suzanne and her equally lesbian scientist are almost ready to be unleashed on the world #last scene should be done between today and tomorrow if i'm lucky #then i'm taking a wee break because a friend is coming over for a few days #but i'll hopefully have begun typing by the end of the week after rereading again #my estimates aren't perfect but i'm guessing maybe next week or on the other this thing gets published #so fingers crossed. might disappear for a little while after that too because posting shit makes me nervous lol #but then i'll be back for some of the analysis stuff i had planned. give it some time before i start work on the second docsuperion fic #(which will be shorter)

[odetolovers]

i’m losing it

#Guys. Guys. #i refuse to uhaul this relationship bc i Rly want it to work #but she is just. genuinely incredible #i am going to fall so hard my feelings for her are already so strong and so are hers :( #she’s genuinely everything i cdve ever wished for in a person & soon to be partner if all goes well and makes me feel so safe #i feel lucky as hell & every time we text or call or hang out together i feel so at peace #thank u universe bc how the hell did i stumble across this #also she went to my college so we wouldve crossed paths probably hundreds of times and never knew #now here we are nearly 5 years later and the timing of absolutely everything cd not be more perfect #it’s just wild. theres so many insane coincidences #and ill never get over her matching my energy shes just like me fr <- both mildly insane and obsessed w each other #we keep hallucinating each others perfume man 😭 im so done for #valentina talks #Sorry guys once we get over the honeymoon period ill probs talk less abt her (lying) #ive never been so sure abt anything like i am abt her and it’s so effortless and easy to be honest and we’re both whores for communication #like when i say the energy is matched it’s Matched. it feels so healing 😭 #im obsessed but i also know its early days so im not saying it’s gonna remain this good but like. i feel weirdly confident in it. idk im #trusting my gut tbh. things only fuck up when i Dont trust my gut sdgsjfhs #my lover

[arcaneyouth]

this shit really makes it hard to want to do anything to distract myself

#vent post #negative #want to play a game to calm myself down? yeah that's not going to help. that's a nice reminder of everything. #want to work on my comic? keenly aware of how much i need to code my own website before webtoon and tumblr fuck themselves over for good #want to watch youtube? keenly aware of how much youtube wants its creators dead too #ok maybe i'll cross stitch. but i'm aware i'm only doing it because its one of the few things available to me anymore #read a book? guess what industry ALSO wants its creators dead! #i can't enjoy any of this because i feel sick #can't even go outside and enjoy myself there's nothing out there for me to even do #that doesnt stave anything off i'm just going to have a breakdown but i'm outside now #the world gets smaller. #i know it will get better. as everything burns a better life will come out of it. #but i don't know how to be ok with experiencing the now while i wait for the better to come #even as i try to look into 'the good industries' so maybe i can survive in this world with an ok job #there's nothing there #i know better than to expect anything perfect but Everything Wants Me Dead #i want the bare minimum of Doesn't Want Me Dead and it doesn't exist #what do i even do. all i can do is keep going while hoping for a miracle.

[sinisterfeline]

My ability to focus sure has decreased even more and it shows, and yet the psychiatrist I met for the first time this week didn't believe my years long suspicions about adhd and was a rather difficult person to talk to

#life update #my mental health and my life over all has gone into a new low and I don’t want to sound a defeatist but #this first week of the year has been difficult #there's so much I want to do and so much I want to accomplish #so much that has been procrastinated bc of lack of money or me not being able to focus/keep on forgetting #I just dont feel great that I was basically cross examined by a stranger to later be invalidated

[umilily]

i think the reason why i rarely ever go anywhere these days is bc i hate packing with a burning passion.

#lily talks #or well the second reason after having no money to do so #i'm constantly anxious over forgetting something and then i overpack and have to haul all that shit around for days #i gotta say though the luggage is spectacular this time around #it's just a suitcase full of food and wine lmao #plus like two shirts and socks and stuff #also pls keep your fingers crossed for me that the Deutsche Bahn will cooperate and that i'll actually make it to berlin *this* year #(it is obligatory to make this joke every year) #(but fr i don't want to spend new years stuck in a train) #(worst case i crack open the wine) #also if you don't hear from me in a while i'm not dead just (probably) drunk or hungover #my friend is out every other night meanwhile i can't remember the last time i had a beer bc i'm always home #this may get interesting

[blog-of-the-wildd]

HEY GUYS GUESS WHO’S BACK!!!!!!!

#the answer is zelda ofc with the new game coming out in just a WEEK (holy shiit) #but also me!! im back to reblog all zelda fanart that crosses my way 🫡✨ #it’s been SOOO long but in my defense a very different kind of brainworm (eva….) took over me and i didnt look at the zelda tags anymore #but now? i cant keep my zelda blorbos out of my mind 😭 #so yea! glad to be back :D #back to dealing with tumblr’s… awful formatting tools JDJFJSJC #also im mexicanshinji_ in twt if anyone wants to be moots thereee #the user is evangelion but everything. there. is. zelda.