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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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genuinely curious - i have a terrible memory - what are some of the terrible things shannon did to chris? besides i mean. abandoning him. (not trying to defend her i really just can't remember anything ever)

No worries, dear nonny! This got long so it’s under a cut.

The number one thing for me is her abandonment of him. Whatever problems you’re having in your marriage are valid, but you do not just up and leave your child with nothing but a sarcastic note to your spouse. She didn’t contact Christopher even once over the next three years.

It would have been super easy for her to say, “My mom has cancer, Eddie, and I think you and I need a break from our marriage. I need to go and help my mom. Let’s set something up so I can still see Christopher.”

While Eddie was on tour they did video calls and he sent cards. Shannon did none of those things. Eddie’s shocked to see her, he says it’s a problem to contact her for the school, and Shannon asks, “Does he ask about me?” regarding her son. The first thing we learn about Shannon is Eddie saying to Buck, “His mom’s not in the picture.” All of that means Shannon has no contact with Christopher.

EDIT: My friend re-watched the scene and Eddie says “His mom’s not in the picture. I’m all he’s got.” This not only implies that Shannon has no contact with Christopher but that she can’t even be fucking trusted to care for her son if Eddie dies.

WHAT!?!?!?

Then, in 3x15, we learn that Shannon was claiming she had no support with Chris and was doing everything on her own - when we get clear contradictions to that. Eddie’s parents are right there, helping her. They’re literally right outside in the scene where she says this. And they later say “we have been there every single day from the time he was born.” Shannon had help from her in-laws this entire time and she wants to claim she was doing this all by herself? That it was too hard?

Now, Eddie’s parents clearly had reservations about Shannon just as a person, and I’m sure Shannon picked up on that. Her comment about understanding the feeling about not being able to do anything right after Eddie’s mom chastises him suggests that she got a lot of lecturing and flack from her in-laws and could never parent Christopher good enough in their eyes (and that has nothing to do with Christopher’s disability, I suspect no matter how able her child was, his parents would do this). But saying “your parents criticize me a lot” is very different from “I have no support system.” Christopher’s grandparents are literally there every day! Helping her! She’s not doing this alone!

And again to just LEAVE WITH A NOTE AND NO WARNING AND--*screams into a pillow*

THE RAAAAAAGE

Also - and okay I’m going to be honest, I think this is something that most people didn’t pick up on, because it’s not something most able people will pick up on, just like as a white person I might not always pick up on instances of racial prejudice - but Shannon’s speech in the school parking lot to Eddie was hugely ableist.

She’s doing the classic “Martyr Mother” thing where she talks about how hard it was to be the mom of a disabled child and how guilty she feels and how it’s all her fault... shut the everloving FUCK up, Shannon, nobody fucking CARES.

When you have a kid, you sign up to be a parent to that child no matter what. Whether that child is autistic, deaf, blind, has CP, allergies, is gay, trans, what the hell ever. If you didn’t want to deal with that possibility then you shouldn’t have had a kid. You want to take care of something where you can pick out all the traits ahead of time and then train them to be exactly the kind of creature you want them to be?

Get a fucking dog.

You can pick out the breed, noting the breed’s energy levels, lifespan, typical health issues, temperament, etc. You can choose the one that looks cutest. You can train them in puppy school so that they sit, stay, shake paws, roll over, and bark on command. And they will never argue with you or decide they want to be in a punk metal band instead of becoming a doctor. They will just love you and cuddle you and look adorable for the rest of their lives.

Ta-fucking-da.

If you have a kid and then after five years you decide that your issues with your husband are more important than finding a way to be with your child, then you’re a fucking piss-poor parent. Fuck you, and don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Leaving Eddie did NOT equate to leaving Christopher. And she left Christopher.

Having a kid with CP does not set you up to be a martyr, you do not get to mope about how it’s all your fault, and you do not get to let your guilt that you’ve conjured up in your head be more important than your actual goddamn child. The show hasn’t gotten hugely into it but I will bet you money (which I cannot afford) that Christopher knows he’s a part of the reason his mom left and he feels like shit about it.

Christopher is a smart, highly sensitive child who picks up easily on how others are feeling. That same sensitivity that enables him to be so kind and understanding also means he picks up on negative emotions. Kids are fucking perceptive. There is no way in Hell that he didn’t know something was up with his mom before she left, and there’s no way he didn’t know it was partially about him.

And then afterwards - in 3x15 Christopher tells Eddie that his grandparents yell at him a lot. How much has he overheard? His grandparents don’t like Shannon so even if Eddie lied and said “no no Mom’s coming back she just had to go take care of her mom for a while,” that lie’s not gonna last long and you bet Eddie’s parents have ZERO interest in maintaining that lie to protect Shannon. I’m sure Christopher picked up on a lot of sarcastic, passive-aggressive remarks and I’m sure he overheard a lot of fights.

Now, that’s not directly Shannon’s fault in the sense that she didn’t say those things. But what the hell are Eddie and his parents supposed to say to Christopher? What could they possibly tell him? His mother left out of the blue and never talks to him.

In act, Shannon wrote a letter, one that she almost sent, basically telling Christopher ‘goodbye forever’. And she kept that letter in case she decided she did want to send it.

Even after she comes back into his life, Shannon’s behavior is very... well. I’m not convinced. She says she want to be in Christopher’s life, but how? For one thing, she can’t seem to separate her issues with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher. It reminds me of in the film Clueless how the dad says, “You divorce a spouse, not the kids.” I think Shannon should’ve watched that movie a few more times.

Shannon never makes any steps to firmly be in Christopher’s life. She says she wants to see him, and then we see a bit of her hanging out with him and Eddie, but once she can see him and spend some fun time with him, we never see her discuss custody, or living arrangements, or anything. Now part of this might be it’s an ensemble TV show and we only have so much time, but come on. I see no signs of her being serious and taking practical steps to ensure she is a parent to Chris.

And THEN she says she wants a divorce and she says she “needs to learn how to be a mom.”

MA’AM???

She was a mom to Christopher for five years, and what, you still want fucking practice or something? Being a parent is a constant battle with your own imperfections and failures. As Eddie tells Buck after the tsunami, “I fail that kid every day, but I keep trying.” That’s parenting. You’re gonna fall off the horse a lot but you keep getting back on.

Shannon strikes me as someone who wants to be the ‘perfect’ mom and be on top of it and have it all together, and that’s never going to happen. Given her little speech about Christopher’s CP and how hard it is and how guilty she feels about ‘giving’ it to him, I think my instinct has merit.

Now, it’s iffy on if Shannon was going to leave Christopher again when she asks for the divorce. Eddie sure seems to think that’s what it means. But Shannon’s words and behavior leave no clear ground. Once again we have zero clue what her actual practical intentions are with her son. And she says that whole thing about the letter and then says, “I want to never have to send that letter.”

WHAT?

You rip that letter up, ma’am, you don’t have it in reserve! It’s like the difference between saying, “I won’t hurt you” and “I don’t want to hurt you.” One implies that you won’t hurt the person, the other implies that you don’t want to, but you might. Saying she hopes to “never have to send it” and keeping that letter both imply that she might in the future actually give Christopher that letter and leave again.

Maybe this is some bad writing. Maybe the writers were trying to say that she wouldn’t leave Christopher. I don’t know. But I do know what’s on my screen and in the episodes and I do not see Shannon actually apologizing to Christopher, doing the work of a mom, saying that she will never leave him again, making up for what she did to him. Newsflash! Appearing at Christmas and going to the beach with your kid does not make up for leaving him for three years with no explanation! You gotta earn that trust back and for me, Shannon didn’t earn it.

Never ever EVER does Shannon say, “I want to be in my son’s life as his mother and I will be here and I am not leaving again.” Her language is ambiguous and self-martyring. She can’t seem to separate her relationship with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher also I feel like the divorce thing comes out of nowhere but whatever. She never seems to fully come to terms with or admit what she did to her son and how she left him. You can walk out on a marriage. Fine. But you don’t walk out on your kid. And that’s exactly what she did.

And then threw some fun ableism onto it for good measure! And never fully committed to Christopher! She gave it a weird trial period where she got to come back and do some fun activities with him and then she gave a speech where she’s definitely divorcing his father but might? or might not? be leaving him again? we don’t know? Maybe she’s saying she won’t leave now but she might leave later if it gets too hard again?

Shannon abandoned her child and then showed her ableism and self-centered mindset and did nothing (or not nearly enough) to make up for it. And I really cannot forgive her for that.

#mads answers things #mads rants

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beautytipsandtricksinfo · 3 years

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This Family Started Doing ‘Real Life’ Christmas Cards 7 Years Ago And They Get Crazier As The Kids Grow Up

Most families are trying hard to make the festive season picture-perfect, where everyone is happy, nobody talks politics, and the children don’t complain about their gifts. But the idyllic world is better left to Coca-Cola commercials, since the real-life festive season is often very different. And one family from North Carolina is celebrating precisely the imperfection of family Christmas. For the past 7 years, the Stanleys have been making Christmas cards where every family member participates. The result is both cute and hilarious since the little ones are pictured wreaking havoc in the house and things get messy, and oh boy, it does feel out of control. But isn’t that the whole beauty of winter holidays? “The very first time we tried to take a ‘traditional’ Christmas card photo we had hilariously bad results. From there the tradition was born—instead of trying to send perfect cards, we would send something that represented the chaos of parenting,” the Stanleys told Bored Panda previously. So let’s take a look at what the buzz is all about! More info: Instagram (Jonathan Stanley) The Stanley family from North Carolina has been capturing the essence of raising their kids in Christmas cards for the past 7 years Bored Panda reached out to the creative dad Jonathan Stanley who has been doing these real-life Christmas cards with his family every year since 2014. Jonathan previously told us that the idea came when the traditional photo didn’t go according to plan. “We were Read the full article

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leahwithanidea · 4 years

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12 Nov 2019 - MORE GRATITUDE GIVE ME

My favorite thing ever happened this week! Mission Leadership Council! It's like zone conference, but with all the young missionaries with leadership assignments. Sister Parker and I were privileged to be in attendance this go-around as we discussed the NEW MISSIONARY HANDBOOK. which drops on the internet this Friday. As full-time missionaries, we have this little white book that contains all the standards and rules and Things We Do during these 18-24 months we serve.We live a very different lifestyle than the Average Joe. This week, we are getting a revised and revamped handbook. Which isn't white anymore. It's blue and has a picture of my favorite man on the front -- Jesus. That's because there is a whole new tone to this handbook. It's very focused and very clear on the fact that we live this lifestyle and we serve the way we serve and we do the Things We Do because we are striving to be lifelong disciples of Jesus Christ. "Rules" have taken on a new meaning for me since I've been a missionary. In fact, I kinda hate the word "rule." I much prefer the word STANDARD. Because when God puts forth his commandments, He is holding us to a standard. Out of love. He wants us to be better. Because He knows our divine potential. Every time we obey God's "rules," we are just showing him that we are trying to meet the standards for The Greatest Blessing Ever: Lasting Joy. Every time we disobey God's "rules," we reject all the blessings that come from upholding his standards. That sucks. So that's my plug for keeping the commandments. And keeping the missionary standards. Because missionary standards = God's commandments to his missionaries I have been filled with a great sense of gratitude this week. And not just because it's Thanksgiving time. People leave, people mess up, things are imperfect, unfair, and sucky sometimes. It's hard to get up in the morning, sleep at night, talk to people, be nice to people. The people we teach stop caring, stop responding to us, stop doing things they know they should. Lots of weird wild things happen. Nevertheless. There is much to be grateful for. I've been listening to Favorite Things from the Sound of Music pretty much nonstop this week. More like, it's been stuck in my head pretty much nonstop this week. I've been really working on breaking out of my shell. Again. Life is pretty much just building up a shell and then breaking it down again over and over and over and every time you learn Something New. My Something New this time is gratitude. Learning to love things freely, to acknowledge my love of things freely, to be more myself this way. Because I've been feeling Not Myself lately. Which is a really relatable feeling, so listen up. If you know me, you know I'm a fan of making lists. So here's a nice long list of a Few Of My Favorite Things. About the mission. About life. About myself. About other people.

Giving pictures of Jesus to little kids I meet on the streets.

Driving cars.

Sending letters.

Receiving letters.

The book of Isaiah.

Singing in choirs.

Fructis and Garnier curl scrunch product.

Raspberry lemonade.

Making 3-pointers.

The Spanish Peaks.

The Raton Pass.

Helping people understand that Joseph Smith did not write the Book of Mormon.

Wearing regular tennis shoes on Mondays.

Introducing myself as Sister Gaush.

The Christmas CD Sister Atkinson, Sister Hobson, and I jammed to the entire month of December last year.

How all the missionaries here collect stickers to put on their water bottles.

Sister Johnson's zucchini bread.

Sister Johnson's laugh.

Sister Johnson.

How everyone and their mother poops on Pueblo but I actually love it.

New Mexico wind.

How it always smells like weed no matter where I go.

Hugs.

Fist bumps.

Firm handshakes.

Playing soccer with Elder Marín.

Emails from Uncle Bob.

How Sister Parker sings hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog while cooking hot dogs for lunch.

The story of the stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon. I cry every time.

How Sister Farnsworth lowkey looks like Taylor Swift.

Dusty the dog.

Sandboarding at the Sand Dunes.

Literally any time I talk to Elder Tarver.

Pow wow music.

Performing musical numbers.

Screaming at the top of my lungs in the car to Children Go Where I Send Thee.

How every old lady we text loves emojis.

Developing rolls of film.

"My name is Chris Cook."

The Chatterleys.

Leftovers.

My posh Italian sunglasses.

When I fried eggs with Elder Packer.

Vesuvius, my fern. RIP.

Weston, my new plant.

Cowboots at church.

Mormon and Moroni's father and son relationship.

Capulin volcano.

The new pass-along cards.

People not knowing that I can actually understand Spanish. lol.

Running in the morning.

Training other missionaries.

Christmas caroling.

Those Motts fruit snacks we always have at zone conference.

Wearing my missionary tag to bed.

When I chopped wood with Ala.

Swinging on swings with Sister Farnsworth.

Having the Spirit fill my mouth when I literally don't know what to say because I'm really awkward.

Driving through the backwoods of Pennsylvania with Sister Smoot in the fall.

Teaching lessons to little kids.

1 Nephi 1.

How Elder Packer and I are the best of besties.

Singing to Merna on the phone.

Teaching alllll the elders how to sew.

2018 Nissan Rogues.

and of course,LAUGHING MY HEAD OFF at literally nothing.

Take a deep breath. Theres a lot of gratitude in the air. Suck some of it in. Make me a list of your Favorite Things! Sister Leah Gaush Pueblo West, CO Pictures!!

1. Me and my bestie, Sister Swanson

2. President Stevenson's selfie with all the Sister missionary leaders at MLC.

3. Elder Ofa's selfie game

4. Alllll the missionary leaders in the Colorado Springs mission.

5. Sister Parker and I right before a video chat lesson.

6. A bonus of Sister Parker and I from a few weeks ago when we ripped out a garden.

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soninjawerewolf-blog · 7 years

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Another period of GPU benchmarking: Inside the second with Nvidia's casing catch devices Show level retribution for GPUs.

This story was conveyed to you by our companions at The Tech Report. You can see the first story here.

We've made considerable progress since our underlying Inside the second article. That is the place we initially supported for testing continuous representation and gaming execution by considering the time required to render each casing of movement, rather than taking a gander at customary FPS midpoints. From that point forward, we've connected new testing techniques concentrated on casing latencies to a large group of design card surveys and to CPUs, also, with illuminating outcomes.

The crucial reality we've found is that a higher FPS normal doesn't really relate to smoother movement and gameplay. Truth be told, now and again, FPS midpoints don't appear to mean particularly by any means. The issue comes down to a shortcoming of averaging edge rates over the traverse of an entire second, as about all FPS-based instruments have a tendency to do. Enable me to clean off an old representation, since regardless it fills our needs well:

The key issue is that, as far as both PC time and human visual recognition, one moment is quite a while. Averaging comes about over a solitary second can cloud some enormous and vital execution contrasts between frameworks.

To outline, how about we take a gander at a case. It's thought up, yet it depends on some genuine encounters we've had in diversion testing throughout the years. The diagrams beneath demonstrate the circumstances required, in milliseconds, to create a progression of casings over a traverse of one moment on two distinctive video cards.GPU 1 is clearly the speedier arrangement in many regards. By and large, its edge times are in the teenagers, and that would normally indicate a normal of around 60 FPS. GPU 2 is slower, with casing times reliably around 30 milliseconds.

Be that as it may, GPU 1 has an issue running this amusement. Suppose it's a surface transfer issue brought about by poor memory administration in the video drivers, despite the fact that it could be just about anything, including an equipment issue. The consequence of the issue is that GPU 1 stalls out when endeavoring to render one of the edges—truly stuck, to the tune of an about half-second deferral. On the off chance that you were playing a diversion on this card and kept running into this issue, it would be an enormous work of art. In the event that it happened frequently, the diversion would be basically unplayable.

The final product is that GPU 2 improves occupation of giving a steady hallucination of movement amid the timeframe being referred to. However take a gander at how these two cards toll when we report these outcomes in FPS.Whoops. In customary FPS terms, the execution of these two arrangements amid our traverse of time is almost indistinguishable. The numbers let us know there's for all intents and purposes no distinction between them. Averaging our outcomes over the traverse of a moment has made us assimilate and cloud an entirely significant imperfection in GPU 1's execution.

Since we distributed that initially article, we've seen various certifiable occurrences were FPS midpoints have overlooked critical execution issues. Most unmistakable among those was the revelation of edge inertness issues in last Christmas' product of new recreations with the Radeon HD 7950. When we exhibited the way of that issue with moderate movement video, which demonstrated a grouping that had faltering activity in spite of a normal of 69 FPS, heaps of people appeared to get a handle on instinctively the story we'd been telling with numbers alone. Thus, AMD has joined idleness delicate strategies into its driver advancement prepare, and many different sites have started sending outline inertness based testing techniques in their own surveys. We're glad to see it.

There's still much work to be done, however. We found two or three issues in our underlying examination concerning these matters, and we haven't possessed the capacity to investigate those issues in full. For example, we experienced solid proof of a shortcoming of multi-GPU setups known as smaller scale stammering. We trust it's a genuine issue, yet our capacity to measure its effect has been influenced by another issue: the product instrument that we've been utilizing to catch outline times, Fraps, gathers its specimens at a generally early stage in the edge rendering process. Both of the major GPU producers, AMD and Nvidia, have disclosed to us that the outcomes from Fraps don't recount the entire story—particularly with regards to multi-GPU arrangements.

Joyfully, however, in a touch of illuminated self-intrigue, the people at Nvidia have chosen to empower commentators—and in the long run, maybe, purchasers—to look further into the topic of casing rendering times and casing conveyance. They have built up another arrangement of apparatuses, named "FCAT" for "Edge Capture and Analysis Tools," that let us measure precisely how and when each rendered edge is being conveyed to the show. The outcome is extraordinary new knowledge into what's going on at the very end of the rendering-and-show pipeline, alongside a few amazing disclosures about the genuine way of the issues with some multi-GPU setups.

How stuff functions

Before we proceed onward, we ought to pause for a minute to set up how computer game livelinesss are delivered. At the center of the procedure is a circling structure: most diversion motors do for all intents and purposes the greater part of their work in a major circle, emphasizing again and again to make the deception of movement. Amid each go through the circle, the diversion assesses contributions from different sources, progresses its physical recreation of the world, starts any sounds that should be played, and makes a visual portrayal of that minute in time. The visual bit of the work is then given off to a 3D representation programming interface, for example, OpenGL or DirectX, where it's handled and in the end showed onscreen.

The way each "edge" of movement takes to the show includes a few phases of genuinely genuine calculation, alongside some planning intricacies. I've made an unpleasantly distorted outline of the procedure below.As you can see, the amusement motor hands off the edge to DirectX, which does a considerable measure of preparing work and after that sends summons to the design driver. The representation driver should then make an interpretation of these summons into GPU machine dialect, which it does with the guide of a constant compiler. The GPU along these lines does its rendering work, in the long run delivering a last picture of the scene, which it yields into an edge support. This support is by and large piece of a line of a few edges, as in our outline.

What occurs next relies on upon the settings in your design card control board and in-diversion menus. Although the rendering procedure produces outlines at a specific rate—one that can change from casing to outline—the show works as indicated by its own particular planning. Actually, today's LCD boards still work on suppositions managed by Ye Olde CRT screens, as though an electron firearm were all the while examining phosphors behind the screen and expected to touch every one of them at a general interim with a specific end goal to keep it lit. Pixels are refreshed from left to appropriate over the screen in lines, and those lines are revived from the top to the base of the show. Most LCDs totally invigorate themselves as indicated by this example at the basic CRT rate of 60 times each second, or 60 Hz.

On the off chance that vsync, or vertical revive synchronization, is empowered in your design settings, then the framework will arrange with the show to ensure refreshes occur in the middle of invigorate cycles. That is, the framework won't flip to another edge support, with new data in it, while the show is being refreshed. Without vsync, the show will be refreshed at whatever point another edge of liveliness ends up plainly prepared, regardless of the possibility that it's really busy painting the screen. Refreshes amidst the invigorate cycle can create an antiquity known as tearing, where a crease is unmistakable between progressive activity outlines demonstrated onscreen at once.I now and then get a kick out of the chance to play amusements with vysnc empowered, keeping in mind the end goal to abstain from tearing ancient rarities like the one appeared previously. Be that as it may, vsync presents a few issues. It tops edge rates at 60 Hz, which can meddle with execution testing (particularly FPS-normal driven tests). Likewise, vsync presents extra deferrals before a casing of activity makes it to the show. On the off chance that an edge isn't prepared for show toward the begin of the current revive cycle, its substance won't be appeared until the following invigorate cycle starts. At the end of the day, vysnc causes outline refresh rates to be quantized, which can hamper show refreshes at the very least time, when GPU outline rates are particularly moderate. (Nvidia's Adaptive Vsync highlight endeavors to work around this issue by incapacitating invigorate match up when edge rates drop.)

We have led the greater part of our execution testing up until this point, including this article, with vsync handicapped. I believe there's space for some charming investigations of GPU execution with vsync empowered. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination beyond any doubt what we may gain from that, yet it's an alternate errand for one more day.

At any rate, you're likely getting the feeling that parts occurs between the diversion motor giving off an edge to DirectX and the substance of that edge in the long run hitting the screen. That takes us back to the impediments of one of our instruments, Fraps, which we use to catch outline times. Fraps snatches its specimens from the spot in the outline where the diversion exhibits a finished casing to DirectX by calling "show," as meant by the orange line. As should be obvious, that point lies genuinely ahead of schedule in the rendering pipeline.

Since the edge generation process is essentially a circle, inspecting anytime en route should reveal to us how things are going. In any case, there are a few potential complexities to consider. One is the utilization of buffering later in the pipeline, which could help smooth out little rendering delays starting with one edge then onto the next. Another is the confounded instance of multi-GPU rendering, where two GPUs substitute, one creating odd edges and the other producing even casings.

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