#and this is probably my last video edit until further notice

[arapydea]

What I learned after making 20 Videos

I’m just gonna go through each of my videos and what I learned from them because now seems to be a good time for that considering the upgrade that will happen soon-ish 

So in the beginning I was only writing notes, little reminders for what I wanted to talk about in my videos. I realized quickly that this made the recording phase longer than it had to be, made the video disorgenized and added a ton of time in editing.  Because I had to make something good out of a recording in which I wasn’t only not confident in what I was saying but it was also all over the place (more so than my videos now which is surprising). 

So after 4 videos of weird notes and too long recordings I decided I would write scripts. Word for word for what I was gonna say. (I’ve always been told that my reading aloud sounded rather natural, that paired with my ability to write how I speak gave me an advantage on that.)

But I did actually write a word for word script for the channel trailer though I generally don’t count that as an actual video. 

For the first few actual videos (Miraculous Truth & Lies Rant - AngryArapy 🌋 /Merlin - BabbleArea 🌌/Why the Haikyuu Characters are great - BabbleZone ☄️/Gravity Falls - BabbleArea 🌌) I did not have scripts and it shows. The videos were a good start because I had something to work off of and it showed me a lot of how I shouldn’t do things.

So since “Reaction Streamers are parasites - AngryArapy 🌋” I have been writing scripts.  These solid scripts cut down my recording and editing time significantly (which does not mean it’s quick…)

Though looking back this video isn’t good…which I think is mostly because I had the entire script ready and then 3 new things came out that I wanted to incorporate and just overall I just wasn’t ready to talk about this kind of topic. If I ever get to it I would like to re-do this video in a proper way to do the topic justice and explain my viewpoints better.

I personally think that from “Marinette is NOT a normal girl ☄️ BabbleZone” my thumbnails have become good(-ish).  At least from then on I felt like I kinda knew what I was doing. 

After that I did “How I made my Persona” which was a very lengthy process which I am still pretty happy with that.  As far as I remember the video was fun to edit, I don’t think I learned a lot from this one besides that it’s good to keep track of what you are doing so you can talk about it later.

The first NameAnalysis (which is a format I am not sure I want to continue but we will see) was…a pain to say the least, this was around the time were my fascination with Miraculous turned to pure frustration. The research for this was somewhat boring and the editing bored me even more. This was the first time I truly noticed that when I am bored I am slow in editing (which I will come back to later)

The first Speedpaint Commentary was a new experience! “HeRos Creation Explained” was pretty fun for me because it was a new experience, I don’t think Speedpaint Commentaries are really my thing but it challenged me to develop my editing skills further and think outside of the box I was in before. 

“Avatar: The Last Airbender 🌌 BabbleArea” was…said lightly…a straight run into a wall. I edit in Shotcut and at the time I didn’t know what it could do and with the knowledge I had I hit the wall so hard I wasn’t sure if I could continue. With what I know now about what Shotcut can do I think I could do this Video better but at the time i just simply didn’t have the knowledge and thought it would be fine. This video was a big reason why I tried Davinci Resolve (which we will also get to later).

What I have not mentioned until now is that I edited all of these videos on a 10 year old laptop with a whopping 4GB RAM (which if you don’t know, isn’t a lot…) As you probably can imagine, editing was a pain.  Shotcut crashed on me more than I want to remember (but as Shotcut has automatic saving I never really lost much). 

Around this time I started looking for a new laptop. 

“The ending of Digimon Frontier could’ve been genius ☄️ BabbleZone” I think I still made on the old laptop (but that was just a quick video to get out of my head and just have another video so I wasn’t that attached to making this one good)

But both “Miraculous…WHY Power-Ups AND Fusions?? 🌋 AngryArapy“ and “Kitsuyoi Artwork 🖌️ DeaDraws“ were edited on the laptop of my dear MamaDea (which has 8GB RAM, and damn was it nice to not edit in fear of a crash and slowness.) [Around that time I was looking/waiting for my new laptop and couldn’t bare working on the 4GB RAM anymore.]

And then I had the new laptop, and immediately did the dumbest thing I could do.  Throw out everything I know and make an entire Video in Davinci Resolve without getting enough info about how the programm works and what it can do. (And not informing myself what the limits of Shotcut are)

“Pokémon: Hisuian Snow 🌌 BabbleArea” was the first video I made on the new laptop and in Davinci Resolve (even though I think the audio editing I still did in Shotcut because it was easier for me). 

Between this Video and the one before were (if my math is right [and it’s probably not]) 94 days of no uploads. Changing to a completely new device and a completly new editing programm with no planned buffer or a planned slow learning process is just not the smartest move.  I tried to learn Davinci Resolve while making a full video which is just simply not how this works.  (Additionally to that I didn’t even like the Video I made in DaVinci. Learning how to not to things is also good kids.)

And here I just want to share a thought because I think there is a difference between DaVinci Resolve and other video editing programms because DaVinci just doesn’t seem to be a video editior, it’s a movie editor. 

It surely can be used as a video editor and in some cases I guess it makes more sense but at least for me and the type of content I want to make, a video editor (if actually understood) should be able to do everything I want to do without giving me 4 Pages I do not understand and will never need.

From “Miraculous Rewrite Summary - Season 1 🐞🐱” I have been editing in Shotcut again and have been learning the absolute limits of Shotcut because I think it can do more than it looks like it can and it should be able to do everything I need as soon as I figure out how. 

In “How I Made My Channel” I didn’t learn as much in editing but I did realise again that my scripts are lacking. 

Through “Digimon Adventure is a pretty great movie 🌌 BabbleArea“ I realiesed 3 things. One: my scripts are not getting better. Two: BabbleArea as a format in itself is severely lacking. Three: I need to get my editing done in at most 2 weeks because if it takes longer than that it takes longer than it needs and I get confused with what I wanted to do. 

“Pokémon Pokémon copied from Digimon ☄️ BabbleZone” confirmed point one and three from above again but also let me know that as long as I fully believe in a video until I need to start the visual editing process the video is at least okey. 

What I learned overall is that scripts are always good because they save time not only in recording but also in editing, allow for easy subtitling and probably much more.

I think I naturally learned how to make better Thumbnails (but stll have much to learn).

In the beginning I actually purposefully kept my editing as simple as possible because I wanted to avoid copyright issues and just not spend that much time on it because it was just this “I’m going to try it out" thing but I will try some more things in the future and take some more risks.

As much as I would like to just do what I am comfortable with now, if I don’t try new things I won’t learn new things and I won’t have a proper chance at making my content more interesting. 

So I’m going to try more things and keep going for as long as I can ! ^^

#ArapyDea Posted That

[bydfi]

How is everyone feeling after the SEC v LBRY ruling?

Many of you are likely aware that the SEC won its case against LBRY today. For those that don't know about LBRY, LBRY, is/was a blockchain-based file-sharing and payment network that powers decentralized platforms, primarily social networks and video platforms. LBRY's creators also created Odysee, an open-source video-sharing website that uses the network, and that was split into a separate company on October 1, 2021. Odysee was basically a decentralized youtube that allowed people to tip content creators. The SEC sued LBRY last March and won its case today. The following information is from the SEC's press release on the case: "[t]he SEC seeks permanent injunctive relief, disgorgement plus prejudgment interest, and civil penalties. The SEC's complaint alleged that, from at least July 2016 to February 2021, LBRY, which provides a video sharing application, sold crypto asset securities called "LBRY Credits" to numerous investors, including investors based in the US. The complaint alleges that this was an offering and sale of securities under the federal securities laws, and that LBRY did not file a registration statement for the offering. The complaint further alleges that by failing to file a registration statement, LBRY denied prospective investors the information required for such an offering to the public." This case is relevant because it puts most of the cryptocurrency market/ industry in the SEC's crosshairs. It is also relevant because the SEC will most likely use the LBRY ruling in its case against Ripple Labs, and probably the Coinbase employees that were charged with insider trading too. While it should be noted that LBRY relied on the fair notice defense, and Ripple Labs is arguing that XRP fails the Howey test, this really wasn't great news to hear. One of the SEC's main arguments was that LBRY pre-mined its tokens, and kept a portion of those tokens for itself, and also that the LBC token did not have a use case when it was first created. How do you think centralized exchange tokens like BNB , CRO, FTT, Gemini dollar and others will be affected by this ruling? What about Tether? I think that each coin/its founders will have to argue that their token fails the Howey test, or that fair notice was not given. I don't think that the LBRY ruling will act as a blanket ban on the cryptos we know and love. I do think that the cryptocurrency industry will continue to feel uneasy while current and additional SEC cases are litigated. I think it is annoying that the SEC can say "you didn't give prosepctive investors information required for such an offering" when no one knows shit about fuck. Being more serious, it's annoying that while the SEC is arguing securities laws were broken, it is ultimately the hodlers of the tokens that are harmed by the decrease in price that inevitably results from a crypto being deemed a security. It's my opinion that bitcoin is probably the most safe (as everyone has been saying) from the SEC. For the short-mid term, that's what I will be focusing my DCA on. So, what are everyone's thoughts on today's ruling? How do you feel? Are you buying more, keeping your DCA, or holding off until more news? Wen Lambo? ​ TLDR: SEC won its case against LBRY today. How are you feeling about it? Edit: updated information about the Coinbase employees the SEC charged with insider trading. submitted by /u/Emergency_Dragonfly4 [link] [comments] http://dlvr.it/ScPdB0

[moonstruckswans]

love was never on his side

#and this is probably my last video edit until further notice #elizabeth keen #my edits #tom keen #the blacklist #keen2

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings​: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly? 

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know. 

#answered ask #BTS #vmin #jimin #Vmin vlive

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver  - Chapter 12

Here we go. As promised i did not keep you waiting too long and chapter 12 has finally landed by gentle concession of Whitethorn airlines. 

Be ready for angst, fluff and our Rowan in full fuss mode. I swear the man invented fussing. Also, our Iceman this time loses it. Even Fenrys is shocked by how much. 

EDIt: forgot to say ATC is Air Traffic Control.

-----------

Rowan had finished his class and went back to his office. He had given those spoiled brats a very intense training and he had taught them how a real pilot flew and was quite satisfied of his level of evilness. 

He sat at his desk, grabbed his phone and noticed a text from Aelin and a smile tugged at his lips.

Not even two hours back. Crash at the airport. I guess those civilian pilots are as bad as you claim.

He laughed to start with but then terror took him. He switched on the computer and tried to find some news about Orynth. He found a newspaper and read the breaking news. There was a video taken by probably some reporters on an helicopter and he almost fell sick at the images. The article mentioned two aircrafts but he could see only one. He had a bad feeling of what could have happened. The crew zoomed in and he spotted Aelin’s engines but he could not tell apart who was on the ground. Then he saw it. The collapse. A cloud of dust and fire lifted in the sky and he hoped that none of the guys were inside.

His heart raced and pure undiluted terror as he never felt, spread through him.

Once inside Aedion had to navigate through debris and remains of the collapsed structure. The dust raised by the collapse had somehow reduced the fire and he could see around him. 

“Aelin,” he called out. He walked and walked and he knew he was getting further and further from the entrance.

“Aelin… answer me, damn it.” He shouted over the silence. A few electric cables flew over him and he ducked just in time to avoid electrocution.

Then he heard it. Her PASS alarm. The one that activated when it did not sense motion for a certain amount of time. He hated that sound because it meant that one of them was in danger.

Eventually he saw her body and flames too close for comfort.

“Chief, lieutenant. I have her. Have EMTs on standby.” he shouted over the radio.

“Lieutenant, Chief, we have two water lines coming in now.”

He ran to her and fell to his knees working to clear the debris from on top of her and once free he rolled her over and noticed she was not breathing and not wearing her mask which lay abandoned at her side. His finger went to her neck and found a pulse albeit weak “She is not breathing, I need the medical team inside. Now.” He shouted over the radio with panic thick in his voice.

He gave her a few rescue breaths “please… please… don’t do this to me. Please, Aelin.”

He put his mask on her face, trying to pass some oxygen to her.

Voices broke the silence but he was too busy helping Aelin to bother to look who it was. 

In a moment the rest of the team had followed inside and they were putting off the remaining fire around them, allowing the medical team to do their jobs safely.

Lysandra was on her knees in an instant. Elide was at his side and Dorian was towering over them he was the one who had taken the two women inside.

“She is not breathing and her pulse is weak.” Said Aedion, his voice cracking “Help her, please.”

Lysandra did some checks with experienced efficiency.

“I need to intubate her, Aedion remove the mask when I tell you so.”

Lysandra got ready with all her gear “now.”

With the skills of someone who had done it a million times she intubated Aelin very quickly and Elide started to press the balloon to send air in her lungs and oxygen to her body. Lysandra did a quick check and noticed her right arm bore some bad burn marks. She wrapped the wound as best as she could with temporary bandages.

“Dorian, pass me the backboard.”

Within minutes Aelin was loaded on the board and carried outside. The remaining team stopped, staring at their captain unconscious.

Rowan was following the livestream of the accident when he noticed Dorian’s holding a board with someone on and on the other side a tall blonde man: Aedion. He looked a bit better and his heart sank. His eyes recognised the body on the gurney. Her blonde hair, her long braid.

All of a sudden he forgot how to breath. He just stood there watching as the gurney that carried her was lifted into the ambulance. Aedion jumped in as well and he saw Lysandra and Elide climb in the ambulance and drive away with crazy speed and sirens wailing.

He stood slowly, as in a daze, grabbed his stuff and left. He went home, packed all his belongings and drove back to the base. As quickly as possible he filed a flight plan and not long after he was in the air. He would explain everything to the school commandant but he had to go. He had to be with her.

The flight back to Orynth seemed to last forever. He swore loudly when on approach to Orynth he was told that the airspace above the city was closed. He was furious, the airbase was so far away from the airport that it was stupid.

“Orynth main, Typhoon FF9762, I am requesting clearance for landing at the airbase, not at your stupid airport. So you let me land this plane or when I ran low on fuel I will land in the middle of the motorway and then you can deal with that.”

A moment later he got clearance for landing and when his landing gear touched down on the runaway he quickly taxied inside the hangar.

When he opened the canopy, Lorcan was there waiting for him “don’t. I don’t fucking care about the school or anything else right now.” He grabbed his bag and quickly told his engineer to perform his post flight checks. It was totally against the rules but he had no time to lose.

“Elide texted me. They took her to Orynth general. It was the closest one. She says it’s bad.”

Rowan ran out of the hangar and to his car not even bothering to change out of his jump suit, threw his stuff in the back seat and drove like a madman to the hospital. Once inside the A&E he spotted some familiar faces. Her squad was all there, waiting for an update. Rowan stopped. Then his gaze crossed Aedion’s. The man walked to him and Rowan was sure he had been crying.

“How is she? Where is she?” His voice was shaky.

“We don’t know. They took her in urgently. When I found her, she was not breathing and her oxygen tank was dead. She was unconscious when we brought her in, and with some horrible burns on her right arm.”

Rowan sat down heavily on a chair, his hands shaking visibly. They had just found each other. He could not lose her. 

“I thought you were in Doranelle.” Aedion’s voice was flat and his eyes fixed on the doors where they had taken Aelin.

“Aelin sent me a text saying you guys had a call at the airport.” His hand ran nervously through his short hair “then I checked the news and there was a livestream of the accident. And I saw it. All. And when I saw you and Dorian carrying her out… I left everything and flew here with my jet. Bloody ATC almost prevented me from landing.”

“This is always the worst part.” Said Aedion sitting beside Rowan “the waiting.”

The whole group remained in silence and Rowan did the same until a doctor went to them and Aedion stood, followed by Dorian.

“I have an update on the captain. Her condition is critical. She suffered serious internal injuries from the collapse and they are being treated now. Her right arm has some severe burns and again they are now being treated to avoid infection. Her oxygen levels are still below the normal parameters. During surgery she has coded twice, but we got her back. As soon as the team is done with her we will move her to the ICU. We need to keep her under strict control. She could still develop acute respiratory syndrome. She will stay intubated and heavily sedated.” Then the doctor turned to Aedion “I will let you know when you can see her.” And with that he walked away.

“Everyone, return to the station. We are still on duty.” Aedion ordered his men. They gave him a hug and asked to keep them posted. He knew that it had been very hard for them to obey him. They all wanted to be there for her but slowly they filed out leaving him alone with Rowan.

Dorian patted his shoulder “I will stay with them at the station.” And he left with the rest of the squad. 

“The scene at the airport seemed terrifying.”

“It was,” said Aedion in a flat tone “the small plane got reduced to smithereens. How the fuck that happened?”

Rowan sighed, he had an idea “possibly a mistake by ATC. They probably directed the smaller aircraft on the wrong runaway and the big plane landed and just crashed on it, then lost control, probably lost its landing gear and just slammed into the hangar bay.”

“How do you know?”

“Watching the live of the news. You could see that the bigger aircraft was on a landing trajectory from its heading. Also, it was on the runaway that Orynth airport uses for landing. The smaller craft was totally in the wrong runaway.”

“Well, it was a mess.”

“Did you manage to save anyone?”

Aedion nodded “all the people in the big aircraft. As soon as we arrived Aelin told us to keep an eye on the wings for fuel. The aircraft exploded but not before we managed to evacuate the passengers. Manon and Asterin saved two of the civilians by hiding in the cockpit.” He sighed “Aelin saved four.”

Rowan chuckled “she took two of my books one on flight theory and the one on airplanes in general.”

“That is why she knew about fuel being in the wings.”

Rowan nodded with pride “Aelin and I… we are working on things. On us. I…” he lowered his head “I care about her… a lot.”

Aedion leaned back on the chair and removed his fire jacket, remaining in his t-shirt “she can be difficult and believe me there is no one but me who knows just how much. I grew up with her. She is my cousin after all, but I always loved her like a sister. But Aelin has the bad habit of saying what she thinks and we had so many fights because of that. She can be a brat, but together with Lys they are the two most important women in my life.”

Rowan smiled briefly at Aedion’s description of Aelin. It was perfect.

“I proposed to Lys.” Confessed the blonde man.

Rowan slapped him hard on the shoulder “that is an incredible news. Congratulation, man.”

“I thought it was time. Lys and I have been together for three years and I love her.”

Rowan was about to add something when they saw the doctor approach them.

“Aedion, you can see her now.” The man stood and gestured to Rowan to follow him.

“Family only.” Said the doctor when he noticed Rowan stand.

“He is coming as well, Sorscha. And if anyone has any problems, they can take it up with me.”

The woman lifted her hands in yielding gesture “She is on the sixth floor in the ICU, room 46.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you all this friendly with doctors?”

“We visit hospitals a lot.” He added sadly.

Aedion walked to the stairs and Rowan chuckled “not you too…”

“What?”

“What’s with you guys and lifts?”

Aedion laughed “you posh boy can take the metal trap. I am walking.”

Rowan huffed and followed Aedion up the stairs. He was not letting an army guy beat him. He had pride.

Rowan pushed to keep up with Aedion and by the time they reached the sixth floor his legs were killing him, the man in front of him had kept a brutal pace, probably on purpose.

In silence they reached the room and Rowan pulled aside “you go in first, you are family.”

Aedion nodded and Rowan sat down on the chairs outside the room. Thing was… he needed time. He was scared of what he would see on the other side of the door. He was terrified.  She was the one with the scary job. He was the one who knew how to fly away from danger and avoid being shot out of the sky. She, on the other hand, she would willingly face a fire to save people. Getting involved with her meant going through the hell he was living now. He fought it for as long as he could. But somehow along the way he had fallen for her pretty badly. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

Much later on he felt a hand on his shoulder “you can go in now.”

Rowan turned his head to the door and his heart sank. Then he stood and mustered all the courage he had to open the door and step in.

The room was silent apart from the steady beeping sounds of the machines monitoring her heartbeat and the hush sound of the ventilator pumping air in her lungs. He froze and closed the door behind him. He stared at her immobile body. With all the cables and tubes and machinery, she seemed so small in the hospital bed.

He finally took a step closer and sat down on the chair beside her.

“Hi,” his voice broken as he felt tears streak down his cheek. Gently he brushed the tip of the fingers on her right hand and noticed the heavy bandaging on the whole arm.

“You scared the shit out of me.” He whispered, his head leaning on the bed near her hand “A part of me wants to bolt because I am not sure I can take it. But the other side tells me not to. Tells me that the recklessness, you fierceness and bravery are why I am so damn crazy about you.” He stood and paced back and forth “the idea of losing you paralyses me with fear.” He took a step backward with fear gripping his heart “I can’t do this. I am so sorry. I just can’t.”

He ran out of the door but Aedion blocked him “that was quick.”

“I can’t…”

Aedion’s face morphed into pure rage and grabbed Rowan’s jump suit by the collar “oh yes you can. I told you before, posh boy. You break her heart and I break you.”

Rowan collapsed exhausted on the chair and took his head in his hands “I can’t… I can’t go through that hell a second time.”

“What to you mean?” Asked the blonde man.

Rowan looked up and met Aedion’s eyes. So much like Aelin’s. They could have easily been twins.

“The pain…” he paused “I can’t deal with that pain again. Losing Aelin would break me definitely. And at the same time I can’t leave her for the same reason. I need her in my life. She might be infuriating but at the same time I am mad about her.”

“Then you have your answer.” Said Aedion flatly.

Rowan stood and Aedion placed his body in front of him.

“I am not bolting. I need to go home, shower, clear my head and I will be back.”

“You bolt, and I will find you.”

Rowan raised his hands and walked away in silence.

He got home, dumped his bag near the bed and shed his clothes on his way to the bathroom. Opened the water and dove under the jet, the water hot to the point of being painful. He stood there. Eyes closed and head bowed. Realising that the water would not be able to wash away the shame of him almost walking out on her like a coward. Again. He was not as brave as he thought. When it came to his feelings he was a disaster. But there was deep terror in him, to a level that he never experienced not even with a missile trained on him. He had almost lost her and at the thought he struggled to breath for a moment. He leaned against the wall and allowed the tears to flow, he allowed himself to cry and let his fears go for a moment. He could not believe that in a matter of few months she had become so important that the thought of losing her would break him this much. He breathed deeply and tried to regain some focus.

Quickly, he washed himself and then walked out with a towel around his waist and padded to the bed to grab his phone. He called the commandant of the school in Doranelle and explained him what happened, why he had to leave all of a sudden and most of all why he was not going back. The man was not happy and he was going to catch hell from Lorcan as well but he did not care. He had given up too much of his life to the force. Now it was his turn to be selfish and put his life before duty.

As expected Lorcan called him not long after and he was now on his way to see his CO in nothing but jeans, a polo shirt and a black leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses. If he had to piss off Lorcan better do it properly.

He knocked once in front of his door and the grumpy tone of the man of the other side told him to enter. He saluted lazily and definitely did not miss Lorcan’s stare of disapproval at him appearing in front of his CO in civilian clothes.

“You seem to have misplaced your uniform.”

“No sir, definitely at home in my wardrobe.”

Lorcan growled his disapproval “I got an interesting call from the commandant of the school in Doranelle. He says that you resigned your post. That you have no intention of going back.”

“That is correct,” and Rowan sat down although Lorcan did not give him permission to do so.

Lorcan threw a folder on his desk “and I got a complaint from ATC saying that you breached airspace lockdown last night and threatened to land on a motorway if they didn’t let you land.”

“That was bullshit on their part. The airbase is on the opposite side of the city compared to the airport. There was no risk for me to get anywhere close to the airport. They were aware of my flight plan and my heading. It was total bullshit.”

“Well, now I have to deal with an irate traffic control supervisor and an outraged commandant at a school with which we have been cooperating for years.”

Rowan shrugged in challenge “not my problem.”

“No Whitethorn, you are the fucking problem.”

“Then suspend me, like I give a fuck.” Rowan leaned back in the chair and stared outside ignoring Lorcan’s tantrum.

“You broke aviation rules with that stunt of yours last night and before that you put your personal life before duty.”

Rowan bolted on his feet “I am so fucking tired of sacrificing my life for duty. I did it so much that when my wife died I was on the other side of the continent and I was given a couple of days of leave to go to her funeral and then was ordered to haul ass back to my post as if nothing happened and like the good obedient soldier I was, I even thanked you all for giving me two days to mourn.” He shouted, not caring if he was being disrespectful to a superior “I gave the airforce twelve years of my life, no questions asked. And all of a sudden I am not sure if I want to keep doing it.”

“Is she really worth it? Is that woman really worth giving up on your career?”

Rowan moved dangerously close and leaned on the desk with his hands “she is worth more that you cold-hearted bastard can ever imagine.”

Lorcan stood “get your arse out of my office, captain Whitethorn. You are suspended for a month.”

“Good.” Said Rowan and walked out slamming the door not bothering saluting Lorcan or add anything.

On his way out he met his squadron “what are you doing back in Orynth?” Asked Gavriel surprised.

“Getting my arse suspended for a month apparently.”

“What the fuck?” Fenrys stared at him in disbelief. That was something that he would do. He could not believe that Lorcan had just suspended Rowan. The man was a stickler for protocol and rules to a fault.

“Broke aviation rules last night by landing during an airspace lockdown. Ticked off ATC big time. And before that I left my post in Doranelle without telling anything to anyone.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Iceman?” Asked Connall.

“Aelin.” Was his answer “she was at the disaster at the airport last night. She is in bad condition. I had to come back.” He sighed “then Lorcan gave me a dressing down for putting a woman before duty and I might have pissed him off to historical levels. I would stay clear of him today.”

“And he suspended you.”

“Yes,” confirmed Rowan and the rest of the team almost noticed relief in his eyes.

“But you are coming back, right?” Rowan noticed sadness in Gavriel’s eyes. The two had been friends for a long time. And although he could not care less about Lorcan, he felt as if he was betraying his team mates.

“I don’t know… I might.” He said not convinced “A month away might do me well. I am not sure right now.”

“How’s Aelin?” Vaughan had the guts to ask the question no one could voice.

Rowan’s hands fisted “she is in bad shape. Intubated and sedated. When Aedion found her she was not breathing. She has bad burn on her right arm and plenty of other injuries. She was buried under the collapse of the hangar after she tried to save some people trapped inside.”

“Damn, the woman is badass.” Fenrys patted Rowan’s shoulder “when you go to the hospital, tell her that we are rooting for her too.”

He covered the young man’s hand with his “will do.” Then he straightened “now I better go, before Lorcan comes through and punishes all of you just for speaking with me.”

“Keep in touch, please,” added Gavriel.

Rowan winked and left and once he finally stepped outside of the perimeter of the airbase his soul felt lighter.

He reached the hospital not long after and found her room empty, her team was probably at work and he was glad he could have some time with her.

“Hi menace,” Rowan sat down and brushed a kiss on her forehead “are you enjoying your nap?” His finger gently flicked her nose and he sat back down “I got suspended for a month… I guess I broke a few rules to be with you.” His finger brushed hers emerging from the heavy bandage “and I epically ticked off a few people, but it was so worth it.” He squeezed her fingers “you are totally worth it.” He then stood and started walking around the room making adjustments. He fixed the blinds so there was some sun in the room, he tucked her properly in bed, almost afraid she could be cold. He fixed the flowers on her nightstand and made sure they had water. And finally he sat down on her bed and slowly undid her braid, brushed her hair and braided it again.

“I am sorry I left this morning, I… was overwhelmed.” He sat back down on the chair “I am not leaving. Not unless you want me to.” He grabbed her hand again but then he heard the door open and he sat straight.

“Hi,” said Lysandra and Elide in unison.

“We just dropped off some patients and we came in to see her.”

Rowan stood and with his hand he offered his spot to the two women.

“I thought you were away.” Said Lysandra, walking close to her friend and depositing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I was, and then I saw the disaster and I flew back and got myself suspended for it, but I don’t care.”

Lysandra was about to comment but he stopped her “I had to be here for her. I have no regrets.” His head then turned to Elide “you might want to stay clear of Lorcan for a few days. I ticked him off big time and the man might be a bit furious at the time.”

“Oh, okay,” the woman said timidly.

“I am sure that one of your smile will fix the mood of that poor old bastard.” Lysandra’s comment made him laugh.

“She just went in…” Lysandra’s voice was now a whisper and she sniffled turning her back from the other two occupants “she always does this type of crazy thing. Dorian was furious.”

A memory appeared in Rowan’s mind and his words were out before he could stop them “are they involved?”

He heard the woman chuckle “No. Dorian is in love with her and that is no secret. He was her captain when she was at west. But she always saw him as nothing but a friend. Also he is the chief and she a captain, so nothing can happen. They are really good friends, but no, nothing ever happened.”

A selfish part of him relaxed.

Lysandra’s radio went off and she groaned “come on Elide, back to work.”

Rowan waved them goodbye and went back to his chair.

***

Ten days had passed and the season had slowly turned and spring was now in full force.

Rowan was standing at the hospital window, looking outside towards the Staghorn mountains. The tops had officially lost their snow. He inhaled the fresh air and closed the window again. That room had become his new home in the past ten days. He had left only to go home and get changed and washed, but apart from that he had kept a tight vigil on her. They guys at the station had to work and he had been more than happy to keep her company. He was out of a job for the time being, anyway. He turned around and walked to the bed. Nothing had changed. She was still intubated and still unconscious. The doctor had raised concerns with regards to the damage her lungs had suffered and a neurologist had confirmed that her responses were within normal parameters and that they were expecting her to wake up soon. In the last few days they had noticed an increased cerebral activity which according to the doctors was a good sign. He sat down again beside her and went back to the book he had been reading to her. As a joke between the two of them he had started reading flight manuals, or any of any of his books about flying. He had read her other books as well and all the possible articles about their amazing rescue at the airport. Rowan had spent so much time at the hospital that all the nurses knew him and helped him every time he had a request for them to make her more comfortable. He had brought more comfortable pillows, had decorated the wall of her room with all the cards she got from the different fire stations and from west, together with the ones of the four people she save in the hangar. With his mobile he had played classical music for her and a few times he had played an opera as well and joked that they finally got that date after all. His past ten days had been dedicated to nothing else but her. He was humming away a tune from the last opera he had played, while tucking her bed sheets properly when he brushed her hand and felt it move. It was a subtle movement but he felt it. Rowan kept humming and this time the motion was much clearer.

“Aelin…” her middle finger lifted by a fraction and Rowan laughed.

“Are you giving me the middle finger even when you sleep? You are such a brat.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead “Can you hear me?” He whispered near her ear.

His gaze returned to her hand and this time he noticed her clearly trying to bend her fingers.

Rowan sat down beside her and stroked her cheek once more “Aelin… it’s me.”

A tiny flutter of her eyelashes had his heart race madly in his chest. And when her blue eyes finally set on him he gave her a big smile “it was abut time, there was no need to get into a fire and almost get yourself killed if you needed a nap.”

Aelin groaned and he noticed the middle finger in her left hand rise sightly. Rowan roared in laughter. Then she lifted the same hand and went for the tube in her mouth.

“Hold on, you are still intubated. Let me go and call the doctor.” He disappeared outside of the room and came back with her doctor a moment later. He extubated her and the procedure looked very unpleasant. Aelin coughed heavily but the doctor reassured him it was normal and then left the two alone.

Rowan grabbed a glass of water on the nightstand and helped her. He lifted her a bit and pressed the glass against her lips “drink a little.”

She drank eagerly and then collapsed back on the pillow exhausted. Rowan sat at her left side and brushed her head gently with his hand “are you in pain?”

With a small movement she shook her head. Rowan looked at the bags with liquids hanging behind her and noticed they still had plenty of stuff in them. She was hooked on painkillers and antibiotics and had a feeding tube down her nose.

“You… here.” She managed with difficulty. Although she was breathing on her own the doctor had warned him that some issues might take longer to heal. The smoke and the fuel fumes had battered her lungs pretty badly and that it was why after extubation, the doctor had placed small oxygen tubes in her nose.

“That I am.” he took her hand in his “after your text complaining about civilian pilots I had a look at the news and they were showing the inferno at the airport.” He stopped, he would never forget that horrible scene “when I saw Dorian and Aedion carrying you out I realised I could not stay there any longer. Long story short, I broke a few rules, pissed off a few people and got suspended, but I am where I am meant to be.”

“Suspended?”

Rowan nodded solemnly “Turns out that even if he has a girlfriend, Lorcan is still a cold-hearted bastard. I have no regrets.”

Aelin sighed and her breath came out ragged “squad.”

“They are all fine and they miss you. Aedion has been playing captain and he hates it and Dorian has been helping a lot as well. They are on shift now but they came and visit a lot.”

She was about to say something else but a brutal cough hit her and she was left exhausted and wheezing and he pulled her to him. It destroyed him seeing her like that.

He shifted the pillows behind her and allowed Aelin to be in a semi sit position, hoping that would make breathing much easier than lying down. He sat beside her, pulled an arm around her shoulder and dragged her closer to him “Aedion proposed to Lys.”

“Know.”

“There is no pleasing you, young lady. I assume Lys has told you.”

Aelin smiled at him and nodded.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and when he removed it he realised it was Lorcan. The man had tried to phone him all morning but he had refused every single call.

Rowan sighed heavily and Aelin looked up at him with a worried expression.

“I almost resigned.” His forehead touching hers “then I didn’t because of duty and all that shit. When they carried you out I lost it. Nothing else mattered but being here for you. Screw rules and regulations.”

She turned her head and deposited a kiss on his lips “thank you for being here.” She managed with great difficulty.

***

With spring in full swing, Orynth was covered in colours from flowers all around the city. The air smelled sweet and warm.

Aelin inhaled the fresh air and after almost a month in the hospital she felt alive again. Rowan lifted her in his arms and slowly carried her to her house. Her legs were still shaky and she was still weak. Her recovery was taking longer than expected. The doctors had put her through a respiratory therapy, but at times she still felt short of breath. Rowan dropped her off on the sofa and went to get their stuff. He had made a deal with her and he would stay with her until she was better. He still had four days before his suspension was over. He had been at her side since she woke up and the nurses had told her that even when she was still unconscious, Rowan had barely left her side.

Her mind went back to when he told her he could be very caring for the people he loved and he had showed her that over and over again.

“Here we go.” He dumped all the bags in the living room and then went to the bedroom and Aelin had a feeling he was preparing so that it was up to his standards.

“The bed is ready, your highness.”

He fussed. He fussed a lot but she realised she had started to love that side of him.

“Does it meet your standards, captain?”

He grinned “I don’t think is grandiose enough.”

“I will make sure I’ll upgrade my living standards to accommodate a posh boy like yourself. I doubt an army guy will fuss. Aedion never did.”

“They have no standards to begin with.”

Aelin threw a pillow at him but Rowan ducked in time and an instant later she was in the air and he dumped her on the bed with little ceremony.

He leaned forward and kissed her “now get changed,” he ordered and threw her her bed clothes.

“Yes, sir. At your orders sir,” she mocked him with a funny salute.

He shook his head “you civilians really have no respect for rank.”

She stood on her knees in bed and shed the top she was wearing and removed her bra as well, remaining bare.

He was busy emptying her bag that when he turned and saw her semi naked he almost tripped on the dropped top.

“My girls here feel lonely,” she palmed her breasts in a very sensual way

Rowan ignored her and passed her the pyjama top “It seems like you are doing a good job at keeping them busy.”

She slapped him with her t-shirt and got dressed again “I’d better get covered again, I don’t want to traumatise you.” She was about to add something else but a fit of coughing stopped her. Rowan was at her side in a moment and held her, knowing that it would usually leave her spent. The fits had become less frequent as she improved but the occasional one was enough to leave her breathless and this one seemed to be one of those. She grabbed his arm and squeezed it “hurts,”Aelin complained fisting her hand in his chest while concentrating on breathing. Rowan grabbed the inhaler she had been prescribed to use during an attack. She did as she had been shown by the doctors and then melted in his arms.

“Lie down.”

“Open…” she started but the coughing resumed and her hand fisted in the bed sheets this time. She grabbed the inhaler and breathed its medicines again, feeling air rushing back in her lungs. Eventually she collapsed in bed exhausted “Window…” she finally finished.

Rowan moved with speed and did as told. Aelin loved the spring air and even at the hospital she often asked him for the window to be open. It made her feel as if she could breath.

He moved her to the centre of the bed and covered with the blankets “do you feel like eating something?”

“No,” she said weakly and he knew she was not well. In the short time he had known her, Aelin had never refused a meal “Sleep,” his hand brushed her hair and she was asleep within minutes.

Once he was positive she was asleep he walked out and gently closed the door and went to the kitchen to make a phone call. Lorcan had been pestering him almost every day but Rowan had ignored him.

“The dutiful captain finally decides to phone back, or should I call you nurse Whitethorn now?”

Rowan growled and almost closed the call again, then decided to count till ten and listen what he had to say.

“Say your piece Salvaterre and let me go.”

“I want you to march back through these doors in four days.”

Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he leave her alone?

“A please from time to time doesn’t hurt.”

“Whitethorn, I don’t give a fuck if your firefighter woman made you a well mannered soldier. I am your superior and if I give you an order I expect you to answer with yes, sir. Another peep from you and you get your arse written up for insubordination and you can kiss your career goodbye.”

Rowan had to punch something, but a loud noise could wake up Aelin and he wanted to avoid that. So he just hung up the phone without giving Lorcan a reply then he grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. Once he was done he grabbed his laptop from his bag and set in motion his next plan.

TAGS:

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#rowaelin #rowan x aelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin galythinius #aedion x lysandra #fanfic #Throne of Glass series

[buckysgoldenheart]

How to Piss Him Off

Jealous Henry x Reader

Summary: Henry makes you go to a party you never wanted to, and it makes you feel like crap, so you make some choices that has Henry getting upset fast.

Words: 3495

Warnings: Cursing, basic quick smut, jealousy, general sassiness.

Notes: I messed with this story so much I now hate it, so I don’t even know if anyone will actually like it but let me know if you do. It’d probably make me feel better about how much I fiddled with it and how long it took :’D

Needs serious editing at some point.

You hated parties. Why would you go to a party when you could be home reading or playing video games while gorging yourself on junk food? That would be so much better than being surrounded by a forty or fifty intoxicated and horny people.

You were dragged kicking and screaming like an eight-year old, just to be forced to watch some drunk woman in a slutty dress rub herself all up against your friend. It made you all the more thankful for the amount of alcohol the party—whoever’s it was—provided, because while Henry didn’t exactly look comfortable with the situation he was in, he certainly wasn’t shoving that girl off of him. So, you would drink until the spectacle in front of you turned so blurry you couldn’t tell who was grinding on who.

When Henry’s hand eventually found her waist, you unglued your eyes and turned to refresh your drink. A guy in front of you chuckled as you filled the plastic red cup to the brim, took a sip, then poured more to replace the amount lost. You looked up at him sheepishly, but all he did was beam back at you, his bright, green eyes shining and white teeth showing. It did something to you; twisted your stomach, sent shocks to your core, made your breath hitch. He was so hot, it almost made you push Henry to the back of your mind.

You smiled a little more confidently. “Sorry, is this your party? I’m not trying to drink all of your alcohol.”

He laughed, took a long drink of his beer and shook his head. “Not my party. Drink up.”

“Whose is it?”

“Oh, I have no idea. Just here to take what is freely given.” He gestured to the snacks and drinks surrounding him. You chuckled and he asked your name.

“Y/N,” You said, then for some reason, blushed.

He stuck his hand out in your direction and you took it. “I’m Aaron.” When you tried to pull your hand away, he held on tighter. “Do you want to go somewhere quieter? It’s hard to talk here.”

You considered for a moment. He was right, the music and over-packed room did make it difficult to have a decent conversation, but something inside of you didn’t want to leave Henry with a woman that clearly wanted to fuck him. Though, what did it matter. It was not as if staring at him from a distance would keep him from getting in her pants, so you looked back at Aaron and nodded.

He led you away, down a hallway, to what seemed like a second living room with only a few other partiers inside. The small group lounged on couches and armchairs, drunkenly discussing their various existential crises. Aaron snickered at them and sat on the love-seat in the back of the room and, with a tug of your hand, you fell on it beside him.

You both awkwardly looked around the room, blue and purple light bulbs giving it a soothing glow, while Aaron sneaked his arm along the back of the small couch behind your head. Your body was already so close to his, all he would have to do is wrap that arm around your shoulders and you would practically be in his lap.

“So,” He began, drawing your eyes to his. His face was so close, lips barely three inches away, and you couldn’t help but notice how he kept looking at yours. “Tell me about yourself.”

So, you did. In exchange, he told you about his life, and you found yourself enjoying his company more than you expected. You laughed more than you thought you would. And at some point, your legs had draped over his lap and his hand was rubbing up and down your bare thigh, slowly pushing up your skirt with each stroke along your skin. You knew what he was doing, and you didn’t mind it. The least it would do was keep your thoughts off Henry probably getting his dick sucked in some other room of the house.

His fingers finally slipped under the hem of the velvety fabric and grazed your covered core; the thin, lacy material doing very little to lessen the sensation of his touch. You gasped and he looked at you in silent question. When you nodded, he grabbed your waist and pulled you to him until you straddled his hips.

You put your hands on the sides of his face and slammed your lips to his as his burning touch ran up and down your spine. A moan erupted from the both of you, tingling your lips, as he grew harder beneath you and you ground your hips down. You shoved a hand between your bodies to his belt buckle, trying your best to undo it. Thankfully, the crisis group had left a half hour before because you had no intention of moving to a bedroom. You needed this. You needed to forget Henry, at least for one night.

Just as Aaron put his hand on the back of your neck to kiss you harder, you were yanked up and off his body. Aaron opened his eyes, confused, much like you were, as to why Henry’s large hand now gripped your upper arm.

“Henry, what the fuck!” You yelled as he glared down at Aaron buckling his belt.

“We are going home,” Henry demanded through gritted teeth, looking at you in a way he never had before.

“What? No, I—”

Aaron stood fast, his eyes darting between you and Henry. “Woah, buddy, let her go. She clearly wants to stay.” When he reached a hand out to pull you back to him, Henry lightly yanked you further away.

You jerked your arm in a weak attempt at freedom. “Yea, I want to stay!”

“No! You are drunk. Let’s go!”

Aaron shook his head and gave you a sympathetic smile. “Your bodyguard is intense, sweetness.”

You huffed and tried once again to shove Henry’s hand off you. “Tell me about it. Get off!”

When Aaron stepped to you, you thought he was going to try and kiss you, but instead he leaned down to whisper his last name in your ear and brushed your cheek with his knuckle. “Look me up, yea? I’d love to see you again.”

You giggled and agreed before Aaron walked past you, smirking at Henry and harshly bumping his shoulder on his way out the door. Henry whipped you around to face him.

“Get your stuff.”

“I didn’t bring anything,” You sneered.

“Then go,” He said, slightly pushing you in front of him. “March it!”

---------

Outside, Henry stared at you, waiting, though his patience was running thin. “Y/N, get in the car.” You frowned at him and crossed your arms, prompting a hefty groan from Henry. He took a deep breath and tried a little softer. “Y/N, Please, get in the car. Please.”

Rolling your eyes, you relented and sat yourself in the leather seat. Henry shut the door hard enough that it made you jump, stomped to his side and drove down the long driveway. You didn’t talk until he passed the exit that would take you to your house. “I thought you were taking me home.”

“You’re too drunk to be alone.”

You leaned your head against the window. “I’m not that drunk.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not!”

He looked at you, eyebrows drawn together. “Oh, yea? You normally dry hump strangers in a secluded room at a party, do you?”

You watched out the window as he parked the car in front of his house, then met his eyes. “I do what I want, when I want, and tonight I wanted to dry hump a stranger in a secluded room at a party where the only person I know abandoned me to get grinded up against.”

His grip on the steering wheel turned his knuckles white, but then he got out of the car, went to your side, and opened the door for you. You ignored the hand he extended to you and marched to the front door of his house.

As you stepped into the foyer, Henry threw his keys on the side table, and you took in the room. “Where is Kal?”

“At a friend’s,” He said, walking to the kitchen. When he came back, he shoved a glass of water in your direction. “Drink.”

You rolled your eyes but did as he asked. Both your hands wrapped around the cup as you glared at him over the rim. When not a drop was left, he took the glass and turned back to the kitchen. “Go upstairs and go to bed.”

Your jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

“Go upstairs—” He began again as he returned to the room.

“Oh, I heard you. I’m just trying to figure out how you have the audacity to tell me what to do.”

Henry sighed. “Y/N, will you please—”

“No! What the hell happened back there? What the fuck did you think you were doing, huh?

“I was protecting you.”

“From what? A hot guy whose tongue I was more than happy to have down my throat? Protecting me from something I wanted to do?”

He clenched his teeth and swallowed hard. “Stop it.”

“Stop what? Did you think I didn’t want him? If I recall correctly, I was on top of him.”

“Stop! Y/N, you did not want to have sex with him!”

“Oh please,” You scoffed. “I’m not that drunk, Henry. I’m barely tipsy. I knew what I was doing. But, fuck, I don’t know why I’m surprised you got in the way. For the last year, every man I’ve met you’ve practically chased away with a pitchfork.”

“Go. To. Bed!”

“Don’t. Test. Me!” You yelled, “God, you are unbeliev—”

Before you could finish, Henry had put his hands on your cheeks, pulled you in, and kissed you. Your eyes went wide at the feel of his mouth on yours and how firmly he held you close, keeping you from escaping. It sucked the air from your lungs, and you were so temped to give in to him, to wrap your arms around him, part your lips, and let his tongue slip between them. If only he hadn’t been such an ass.

You quickly put your hands on his chest and shoved. He stumbled back a couple steps, your weaker strength somehow enough to overpower him. The look on his face, the shame of doing what he had, was unable to be masked.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Henry winced at your tone. “Y/N—”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

He said nothing as the remnants of your words echoed around the large room.  

You shook your head to yourself. “I’m going home.”

He quickly grabbed your hand as you hurriedly walked past him, and you frowned again at the grip on your wrist. Looking up at him, all you could see was pain in every feature of his face, in every bit of the blue in his eyes. “No, Y/N, please don’t. Stay. I’m sorry.”

The desperation killed you. His voice broke around the words, and his grip, though appearing rough, was light and soft. He would let you leave if you wanted, he just hoped you wouldn’t.

“Fine. Explain.”

He released you and rubbed the back of his neck. “I just…I don’t…fuck, I…”

“Ok, I’m leaving.”

“I love you,” He said to your back.

You died. Or some part of you did. Your heart, maybe; possibly your brain, for you weren’t sure you heard correctly. You couldn’t take another step, shoes somehow glued to their spot on the floor.

His hands on your shoulders had you looking in his eyes again. “I tried not to, ok. I swear I gave it my best shot. I didn’t want to ruin anything between us, but I couldn’t help it.” You felt his fingers trail down your arms until he could lightly squeeze your hands. “I’m sorry.”

Everything inside you was screaming, but you could only manage a whisper. “H-How long?”

Henry sighed and closed his eyes. “A year.” You stepped back and jerked your hands from his hold, but his still reached out, chasing the touch you so briefly allowed him. “I know…I’m sor—”

“Stop apologizing. Just…stop.”

He might’ve said something after that, but you couldn’t tell. His words had started to fade, and your vision was turning fuzzy as your brain tried to focus on your thoughts and how they were beginning to consume you. You loved him. It had been months of agony and anxiety and pure pain every time you saw someone else fawning over him. Then he does this, and suddenly you want to wail and throw a brick at a wall, or punch him in the chest before sobbing into it with his arms around you. It was too much. You had never done well with an overstimulation of emotions; they made you want to collapse and sink into the floor.

You took a deep breath, slowly exhaling like your mother had taught you, and said, “You’re right, I should go to bed.”

He looked at you like you had grown an extra limb, but you didn’t miss how the sadness in his eyes remained. Without a word, you turned on your heel and hiked up the stairs to the guest bedroom you had stayed in many times before. Moments after you closed the door, you heard a groan from below and the unmistakable sound of glass shattering against a wall.

---------

You couldn’t sleep. You didn’t even know why you bothered to try. Every hour felt like a month, and the more exhausted you became, the more your body felt like it had just trudged through miles of thick, solidifying mud; but your mind was vigorously racing with your heart. It was agonizing, and you couldn’t take it.

Rubbing your hands over your face, you dug the base of your palms in your eyes, and with an agitated whimper, threw the covers over your legs.

Henry’s room was just down the hall to the left, and without knocking, you eased the door open and stepped inside. He was so beautiful when he slept, but something worried him; you could see it by the little crease between his brows. You wanted to make it stop, to soothe his features.

You lifted the corner of his comforter and sneaked underneath it, wiggling your body close to his until not even an ant could fit between you. Facing each other, you brushed his hair back from his face then stroked his cheek where scruff was staring to grow. His eyebrows scrunched together at your touch and his body shifted under the covers.

Before he could fully wake, you leaned forward to softly press your lips to his, and after a moment, his arm wrapped strongly around you and forced what little oxygen you had left out of your lungs. You moaned when he kissed you back, sucking your bottom lip with a small bite before pushing his tongue in your mouth.

He made a small grunting sound as if suddenly coming to his senses, then broke your kiss and opened his eyes. “Y/N, what are you doing?” He whispered. There was a note of worry in his voice as if he thought you might regret your actions come morning, so you softly shushed him and ran a finger along the curve of his razor-sharp jaw. A look of uncertainty came over his face, but then you kissed him again.

He rolled on top of you without a second thought and you slid your hands down his chest before slipping one in his sweatpants. When you wrapped your fingers around his cock, he moaned and began to gently thrust into the warmth of your palm. 

“Are you sure,” He asked, nudging his nose against yours.

With your free hand, your fingers wound into his hair and gently tugged. “Yes.”

Henry groaned and slammed his lips to yours again. He pushed his sweatpants down passed his ass just enough to let his cock spring free, bunched the hem of the oversized t-shirt you wore up to your navel, then edged your panties to the side and slammed himself inside you. You both gasped.

“Fuck,” He mumbled as he dipped his head into the curve of your neck and started pressing kisses on your sensitive skin. He bit your shoulder when you lifted your hips, silently begging him to move, then painfully slowly started to thrust in and out of you. “You are so…perfect.”

A tear slipped down your cheek as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. You had never been put through a whirlwind of emotions all in a single day. You had never felt this wanted. You had never loved someone the way you did him, and every bit of it flooded you until it had no choice but to spill out somewhere.

“God, I love you,” He whispered before kissing right under your ear. His lips trailed along your jaw and he licked away the saltiness of your tears.

You tried to speak, but all you could manage was a whimper as your walls began to clench harder around his cock. Each shove inside of you reached deeper than the last and you felt it bringing you closer and closer to your release.

Tangling your fingers in his hair, you pulled his face back so you could connect your lips and curl your tongue around his. His kissed you long and slow, drawing each second out as if you wouldn’t allow him the chance again if that kiss broke, and something about it ached a spot in your heart. All you wanted was to reassure him, so you separated a hairs width. “Henry…I love you.”.

Blue eyes seemed to brighten, and his lips parted. A quick breath puffed against your face and you inhaled him as he started to pound into you harder until you came with a sharp cry and a whimper of his name, your walls milking him until he spilled himself inside you with groan.

His massive, muscled body collapsed on top of yours, but you didn’t want him to move. Even as you felt him begin to soften inside of you, you refused to separate your bodies, so you wrapped your arms snugly around him.

“You love me?” He asked, lifting his head from the curve of your neck and staring into your eyes.

Swallowing once and nodding, you moved your hands to either sides of his cheeks, and said, “I have for months. I just…”

Henry touched his forehead to yours and let out a clearly disappointed sigh. “We both wasted all this time pretending.”

“We’ll lose our minds thinking about it too much,” You said and tilted your lips up to press them to his, pulling a small groan from his chest before he rolled on his back with your body flat on top of his. “Henry, I’m so sorry about what happened at the party. That guy—”

Henry’s grin had you pausing as he rubbed at his forehead.

You cocked your head to the side. Smiling at the reminder of you all over another man was not what you expected. “What?”

“You’re sorry,” He said, sifting his fingers through the waves of your hair. “Sweetheart, that is the last thing you should be. I’m the one who made an idiot of myself. I just…” He took a breath, “I got sick of this girl not leaving me alone and all I wanted was to find you, but when I did, that guy had his hands and mouth all over you and I…lost it.”

With a soft smile, you ran your index finger over his bottom lip. “How about we just called it even, yea?”

Henry hummed, unsatisfied with that decision, but at the playful look on your face he surrendered. One of many things he loved about you: holding grudges was not something you cared to have much experience with. “Fine. If…”

“If…?”

“If you move in with me.”

“What!” In your shock, your body jolted upright, but you found yourself held tight by a pair of thick arms around your waist.

“You stay here all the time anyway. You’ll just sleep in my bed now, not the guest. And the lease is almost up at your place.”

An awkward laugh passed your lips. “Henry…”

“You’re smiling. You can’t lie to me now.”

You rested your forehead against his chest with a light groan. Henry chuckled at the sound, and the rumble in his chest soothed you to no end. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“Maybe,” He replied, and you looked up at him. “But I want you here, with me. So, what do you think?”

With a quick, deep breath, you shook your head. But then you smiled and said, “…Yes.”

---------------------------------------------------

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[blu-joons]

When One Of The Members Reveals Your Relationship ~ Exo Reaction

Xiumin:

As soon as the interviewer mentioned relationships the whole group fell silent, expecting the usual questions that came. “Are any of you in love, or is there anyone who wants to spill a few beans for the fans today?”

“Minseok you-“Sehun began.

“No,” Kyungsoo quickly interrupted him, “none of us have anything that we’d like to share with you.”

“Are you sure? Because someone back there seemed like they wanted to say something,” the interviewer pushed, looking between Sehun and Minseok.”

Minseok frowned, shaking his head, “you guys don’t need to protect me, I might as well be honest seeing as Sehun’s thrown me under the bus anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he whispered across to the eldest, “is this live? Can we not just cut that bit out?”

Minseok’s head shook, “it’s live, there’s no cutting it now. It doesn’t matter now though. Yes, I’m in love, but that’s all I will share with you right now.”

“That’s more than we expected you all to share,” the interviewer smiled around the group, “you’ve done our viewership a huge favour today.”

“Yeah, but maybe not my relationship.”

Suho:

The boys watched the video closely that was being filmed to go up on their channel for the fans to watch. “What’s that?” Baekhyun questioned, pausing the clip that Kyungsoo had filmed for the video, pointing behind him.

“Is that Y/N?” Junmyeon questioned.

“No,” Kyungsoo quickly protested, but as he inspected further, it was obvious it was the two of you.

“It’s too late to film anything new now,” Junmyeon sighed, “how did no one in the editing department pick up on this, they can’t cut it for us now.”

Kyungsoo’s head sunk, “I’m so sorry, I should have been more careful of my surroundings. I didn’t realise that the two of you were stood behind me.”

“It’s our fault too, we shouldn’t have been like that at work,” Junmyeon comforted, smiling across at Kyungsoo.

The whole group didn’t know how to react. “Maybe we could speak to someone, it won’t take long to edit,” Minseok suggested, but Junmyeon declined.

“Everyone will know sooner or later, maybe this is the time that we just need to start being honest with the fans,” he stated.

“As long as you’re definitely sure.”

Lay:

Chanyeol’s head peered around when he saw that Yixing was alone in his room, stepping in and making himself comfortable. “There’s a lot of Y/N in this room these days, you can tell that she’s staying over a bit more.”

“I’m live,” Yixing mumbled.

“Are you?” Chanyeol chuckled, only to look across and see that Yixing was in fact live with the fans.

“You’ve dropped me in it now,” Yixing frowned, too afraid to look at all the comments. “What are you even doing in here anyway?”

Chanyeol smiled apologetically, “I was just coming to see if you wanted to go over those lyrics, I didn’t realise that you were busy on stream though.”

“How am I going to explain this to Y/N?” Yixing frowned, knowing how annoyed you’d be that you were revealed.

Chanyeol’s eyes rolled, “I think your biggest worry right now should be the thousands of fans who are demanding to know who Y/N is.”

“Don’t remind me,” Yixing whispered, “I’ll come and work on the lyrics once I’ve justified my secret relationship to the fans.”

“I honestly cannot apologise enough.”

Baekhyun:

The two of them were incredibly tipsy as they sat around the dorm with Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk to film for their show. “I heard a rumour that you had someone on the scene,” Kyuhyun smiled across at Baekhyun with intrigue.

“Have you not heard?” Minseok asked.

“Hyung,” Baekhyun snapped from beside him, jabbing into his waist. “Just let me do the talking.”

“Is there something going on?” Eunhyuk quizzed, leaning across the table. “I thought it was just someone trying to joke around with us that you were dating.”

Baekhyun’s head shook, “it’s early days, I didn’t want to tell anyone just yet in case it scared her. But Minseok’s ruined that.”

“They can edit this sort of stuff out,” Minseok tried to assure him, but Kyuhyun’s head shook immediately back at him.

He smiled across the table, “we’re leaving this gossip in, you can blame Minseok for not being able to keep his mouth shut.”

“Just pretend you’re drunk,” Eunhyuk suggested, “pretend that you have no idea who they’re talking abou tomorrow when you’re hungover.”

“That plan will definitely not work.”

Chen:

The cameras all came back on as the interviewer looked to the group of boys that were sat on the sofa altogether. “The fans have mentioned a lot about there being a rumour about a girl being around, is that true at all?”

“Well,” Junmyeon started, but quickly stopped.

“There is?” The interviewer quickly asked, noticing how quickly Junmyeon stopped himself.

“It’s not like that,” Junmyeon sighed, feeling Jongdae’s eyes stare across at him. “We’re young and we’ve dated at times, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Jongdae’s head shook from behind, “there’s no point trying to cover it all up, the fans know that someone has been around, and that’s thanks to me.”

“Can you share anymore details?” The interviewer asked him, desperate to try and push him for a little more information.

Jongdae’s head shook, “I want to be respectful of my relationship, but I also don’t want any rumours being spread about what’s going on.”

“I understand,” she smiled, “I’m sure your fans will be glad that any rumours about you have been cleared up now for them.”

“Me too, I want to be honest.”

Chanyeol:

Sehun switched on the camera to record the group as they run off the stage. “Did you guys see Y/N in the crowd?” Jongin asked straight away, unaware that Sehun was filming until he felt a nudge against his hip.

“Be quiet,” Chanyeol murmured.

“Look,” Sehun pointed out to Jongin that the camera was filming all of them. “Say hi to the fans.”

“Did you just switch that on?” Chanyeol frantically asked, grabbing Sehun’s shoulder, “please tell me that you switched that on after we all started talking.”

Sehun’s shoulders shrugged, “I’m not too sure to be honest, I might have just managed to miss the cut, but I’m really not sure right now.”

“I’m sure it missed it,” Jongin assured him, desperate to rectify his mistake. “They won’t have understood what I was talking about anyway.”

Chanyeol glared across at him, “you’re making it more and more obvious the more you mention her name, so let’s just drop it and hope.”

“We can watch it back later,” Sehun assured him, “I’m sure that if the fans did hear anything, they’d be respectful about it anyway.”

“I hope so, for Y/N’s sake.”

D.O:

Kyungsoo pushed the door open as he saw Baekhyun on his live, quickly mouthing across to him to mute it for a moment. Once he had, Kyungsoo spoke. “Did Y/N leave her phone charger in here from last night?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun smiled, pointing it out.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo responded, walking around the back of his life to pick up your phone charger.

“I meant to bring it back to her this afternoon,” Baekhyun pointed out, encouraging Kyungsoo to come over and say hello to the live stream.

As he did, Kyungsoo’s attention was drawn to the comments. “I thought you said you muted it, why are the fans all asking about Y/N?”

“I did mute it,” Baekhyun assured him, until he noticed the button wasn’t clicked on. “I swear I muted it; I don’t understand what’s happened.”

Kyungsoo’s head shook, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to get the two of us out of this one, how did you manage not to mute it Baekhyun?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll fix it,” he quickly assured him, “I don’t know how yet, but I’ll find a way to solve this for you both.”

“Don’t worry too much, it’s alright.”

Kai:

Their eyes lit up when they noticed that Weki Meki were joining them for the interview on Music Bank, shuffling along to make some room for them. “Isn’t Y/N a big fan of these guys?” Jongdae asked from beside Jongin.

“Yeah,” Jongin responded.

“Guys,” Junmyeon mumbled in front of them, “the livestream is still rolling, keep your voices down.”

“No, it’s not, the green light isn’t on,” Jongdae quickly tried to point out, feeling Jongin’s eyes glare across at him. “It’s not live, is it?”

Chanyeol turned back too, “these cameras don’t have the lights on them. And you weren’t quiet earlier, the fans will definitely know about Y/N now.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Jongin vented, trying desperately to keep calm, “you’re just winding me up right now, aren’t you?”

Chanyeol’s head shook, “Jongdae wasn’t to know, and hopefully most of the fans weren’t even listening to your conversation just then.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jongdae whispered from beside him, “whatever I can do to make the problem better again I’ll do in a heartbeat.”

“We don’t know if they heard anything yet.”

Sehun:

His smile grew as Yixing peered around the door of his studio, scanning for something particular. “Can I help you with what you’re looking for?” Sehun questioned, turning his camera around so the fans could see Yixing.

“Is Y/N here?” He asked.

“Um,” Sehun stuttered, glancing at the screen to notice that the comments on the live blew up.

“You’re live?” Yixing questioned, suddenly realising what was going on. “She’s a member of staff,” he called out, desperately trying to make up for his mistake.

Sehun’s head shook, “the fans aren’t stupid, they know the staff don’t come by here. Don’t worry, but Y/N’s not here, she’s with Baekhyun working on some stuff.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yixing whispered, mouthing apologies across at Sehun again and again. “I really didn’t realise what was going on.”

Sehun smiled widely, “honestly, don’t worry. Although I think you’ve given me a bit more explaining to do about what’s been going on.”

“I’ll tell Y/N what’s happened when I see her,” Yixing told her, “she’s probably going to kill me once she finds about this.”

“She’ll be alright, don’t worry.”

---

Masterlist

#exo #exo imagine #exo reaction #exo scenario #xiumin imagine #suho imagine #lay imagine #baekhyun imagine #chen imagine #chanyeol imagine #kyungsoo imagine #kai imagine #sehun imagine #xiumin #suho #lay #baekhyun #chen #chanyeol #kyungsoo #kai #sehun #exo scenarios #exo reactions #exo drabble #exo one shot #exo fluff #kpop #kpop imagine

[iayhifbigyakwiltbsywps]

Fuckkk I had something really long written but my connection failed and now I can’t find it but this is important if you or someone you know has adhd and takes stimulant medications like methylphenidate. This will probably be weird because I wrote the original like 12 hours ago and I just got home so if the other one magically reappears then they will be really different.

Basically I wanted to make people aware that taking stimulant medications has the potential to do more harm than good. I have adhd and have drank concerta since the third grade and im currently in 11th. I have been noticing throughout the 2019-now time period that I really have lost all motivation and that I don’t really have interest in anything even getting up to eat. And I was like ‘well that’s not alright’ and so I did what every one does: I googled it. I asked google “can adhd medications cause brain damage and lessen motivation?” And honestly I was not really expecting an answer, kinda just hoping to see blankness and be relived that it was just something random I thought. Boy was I surprised.

I actually found this:

This is literally the answer I was too scared to find because a) it proved my suspicions correct and did kinda bring a different kind of relief in knowing I’m not just hysteric and b) this hit wayyy too close to home. The part in blue feels wayyy too familiar to me because all I do Is be on my bed on my phone most of tinge time and my parants keep getting concerned and like “go get a job, find a hobby, do something!” And I am honestly strangely alright with my situation, like I hate it but I still don’t try to change it because I can’t!

Forgot what else I could of said there on the fist draft, but onto the next peice of evidence!

This pretty much said that this meds were tested on rats and that the rats ended up losing all motivation to even react when they should be looking to escape a bad situation. That once the medication stops we no longer have drive to motivation.

This also states that the nucleus accumbens is the part of the brain that forms motivation into action and when you take these meds your actually risking it shrinking and leading to no motivational drive.

Also that there are other options if you are convinced you or your child needs help to lead a successful life then there are other options that are not stimulants!

I also found some videos but could only resurfaced one which I think is the most important: https://youtu.be/nif8TFPhjuI

This video basically talks about one of the beginning trails of adhd medications that ended up being a huge success after the recorded 14 months that this trial was conducted, but what most people who do their research probably don’t dig deep enough to check that after they took the pills away they came back 3 years later to see how they faired. Turns out that the my were actually worse and the adhd was too much or something. ( sorry I’m trying to remember what I wrote but I only slept like 10 minutes last night and it’s already 1am so my eyes are shutting)

I can’t remember much right nos but if I find the other articles or videos Ik re log or something.

Here are the links to the articles:

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/06/09/fewer-prescriptions-for-adhd-less-drug-abuse/adhd-drugs-have-long-term-risks

https://www.leonardsax.com/stimulants.htm

There were more but I’m fighting To stay awake right now sorry.

Oh I just remembered something:

This is what happens when you give stimulants to a brain that is underdeveloped (brains aren’t yet developed until they are like 21) so if y’all need meds try taking non stimulants or else you’ll just cause growth problems for yourself

I really hope some people find this useful and that no one goes through what I am cuz it really kinda sucks and I hate it but I can’t do much to change it.

Also after hours trying to figure out a way to tell my mom I had finally told her and you know what she said? She said “if we take you of these meds will you promise to try to care about yourself more?” And like I didn’t say anything but sure mom I totally didn’t just work up the courage to try and tell you within the day I found this informants on when it would usually take me months to say things I think are important but yeah I totally need to try a bit more ugh!

Honestly I think it’s shit that I’m not even 18 yet and I already feel like all my fight has gone out of me. Like if it weren’t for my parents that actually care about me I would of let myself starve to death. And now there’s no way to thank them because I can barely move to get food much less show them my thanks. Mom dad I love you and I’m sorry my brain if fucked up.

Hi just a little edit here, I wanted to say that both articles are by the same person I just put the second one because the link didn’t work for me so I had to look for their actual page that was mentioned. But also I read further down on the second article and I saw there are more links to other related articles in the second link where this person wrote their actual research and citations

#adhd #add #attention deficit of hyperactive disorder #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #attention deficit disorder #adhd meds #add meds #adhd medication #medications #methylphenidate #narcoleptic #narcolepsy #since they also use these stimulents. #ill tag the fandom cuz i KNOW im not the onlyone with adhd here. #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #the kings men #the raven king #tkm #trk #and more people that knoe the better. sorry this is too long! #meds are bad #actually adhd #actually add #actuallyadhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neuro divergent

[felassan]

Dragon Age Library Edition Volume 1 annotations & additional pages/art compilation

Dragon Age Library Edition Volume 1 is a hardcover collection of some pre-existing Dragon Age comics that was released in 2014. It comprises of all issues of The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep. In places, it includes additional annotations/commentaries by the illustrators and authors, as well as a few additional pages with additional art. iirc these additional annotations and pages/art aren’t featured or available anywhere else (in the franchise I mean; other people have probably put them online at some point I’m sure).

From what I can see at least, Library Edition Volume 1 is no longer in print, and as such listings for it on resale sites etc are.. price-inflated & prohibitively expensive (~£100+, which I’m sure we can all agree is just not reasonable or accessible to most people). Due to this, I’ve compiled the additional annotations and pages here in this post. Thank you and credit to @artevalentinapaz, who kindly shared the material with me. This post has been made with their permission. The rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

These commentaries are in the context of The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep. If you notice any errors or annotations missing, or need anything clarified, just let me know. I think the annotations are in chronological order. In places I elaborated in square brackets to help explain which part of the comics an annotation is referring to. A note before you proceed further: some of the topics referenced in the annotations/additional pages are heavy or uncomfortable. The quotes here are word-for-word transcriptions of dev/creator commentaries, not my personal opinions or phrasings.

(Also, I do recommend always supporting comic creators by purchasing their comics legitimately. I own each issue of these comics having bought other editions of them all legitimately. The reason I put this post together is because this specific Library Edition volume has been discontinued and the consequently-inflated cost is so high, rendering the additional material inaccessible to most.)

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The Silent Grove annotations

Illustrator Chad Hardin: “I used to be an environmental artist for video games, so I built a 3-D model of Antiva City using the program Silo. Many of the buildings are simple cubes, but a few are more detailed. Overall, I spent the better part of a day building it, but I used it again and again throughout The Silent Grove to maintain continuity in the backgrounds.”

Script Writer Alexander Freed: “Even working with David Gaider, it took me several drafts to find Alistair’s voice. His narrative had to convey his humor and self-doubt from Dragon Age: Origins while suggesting a newfound weariness earned during his years on the throne. For readers familiar with the character, he needed to seem like a changed Alistair - but Alistair nonetheless.”

Chad Hardin: “If you read a lot of comics, you might wonder why the majority of the heroes wear skin-tight suits. Well, I can tell you: they are easy and quick to draw. In video games, you build the model once and then animate it, so details don’t slow you down. In comics, everything has to be rendered by hand. Varric and Alistair’s outfits were quite detailed. It took me a long time to get used to them, and even longer to memorize the designs until drawing them was second nature - Varric’s knee armor in particular! Oy vey!”

David Gaider: “One of my favorite scenes in the entire series [when Varric and Isabela are disarming traps and picking locks together while Alistair looks on]. Isabela and Varric, doing what rogues do. I had a suggestion for how to put it together, but Alex managed to make it fit and did a great job with it.”

Chad Hardin: “I never used to keep any of the artwork I created for comics. I would just hand the pages over to my agent to sell. This page [when Alistair, Varric and Isabela are in a tavern together, with hookah in the foreground] I kept for myself. I love the hookah-smoking elves in the second panel and Isabela’s face in the last panel. I rendered the first four chapters of The Silent Grove in grayscale using ink washes, gouache and Copie markers.”

David Gaider: “For a little while, Varric [in these comic stories] was supposed to be Zevran from Dragon Age: Origins, which would have made sense, Zevran being Antivan and all. I know that some fans would have loved to see him, but the dynamics of the group just didn’t work as well. Then a planned cameo later had to be cut for space. Ah well, Zev, another time.”

Alexander Freed: “Isabela at her most dangerous [climbing up the side of the cliff]. This scene - featuring a scantily clad, dripping-wet woman who tends to flaunt her sexuality - could easily have come across as exploitative, but Chad did a lovely drop portraying Isabela as purely focused and deadly.”

Chad Hardin: “Isabela rising out of the water and scaling the cliff with the knife in her mouth is one of my favorite parts of The Silent Grove. It is one of those moments where the writing really inspired the art. Hats off to Alex and David. This is another page I kept for myself.”

Colorist Michael Atiyeh: “This is one of my favorite Dragon Age pages. Chad is such an amazing artist; I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with him.”

Chad Hardin: “I love that this page [when a guard spots Varric and shouts ‘Intruder!’] made it in uncensored. So many times in comics, I draw something and some stuffy lawyers come out of the woodwork and tell me to tone it down. Dark Horse and BioWare always let me have fun, and this turned out to be one of my favorite pages with Varric and Bianca. Any guesses to which word he is mouthing in the second panel?”

Alexander Freed: “Note the simple decency of Alistair as he gives his cloak, without comment, to Isabela. For all his flaws, he’s genuinely kind at heart - a rare enough trait in Isabela’s world that I think it’s much of what she values in him.”

Chad Hardin: “I love the opening panel to this chapter [the opening panels to Chapter 3, when the team are on a ship at sea]. It’s the image I use on the homepage of my website. This page was a gift to my cousin Wendy, who loves pirates. Seascapes with sailing ships might be clichéd in fine art, but for me it was a first.”

David Gaider: “I wanted to have this story center on the group travelling to a Witch of the Wilds other than Flemeth, and originally I had set it somewhere else - until I remembered a Codex entry from Dragon: Age Origins that offhandedly mentioned a witch in the Tellari Swamps. Brilliant! It’d look like I planned it all along. I didn’t.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love opportunities where I can show a change in the time of day as you move from panel to panel [when the ship heads towards and the team arrive in the Tellari Swamps]. I feel the palette of each panel is very distinct and beautiful.”

Alexander Freed: “Why did Alistair choose two people he barely knows to be his companions on this quest? We never make this explicit, but of course Varric is on the right track. Alistair wants to surround himself with people who don’t know him and won’t judge him, yet it’s Alistair’s idealism that Isabela and Varric work to preserve.”

Chad Hardin: “Another page where the writing inspired the art [when the group suddenly encounter a dragon]. I love the dragon bursting onto the scene and Isabela’s stare. Some writers will try to cram six or seven panels on a page like this and the pacing just doesn’t allow the artist to give each moment the right punch. Can you imagine if the first panel was crammed into a single square inch?”

Chad Hardin: “Yavana was one of the only characters that we did no preliminary sketches for. I don’t know how that happened, but thankfully it worked out.”

David Gaider: “I love how Yavana looks like a cross between Flemeth and Morrigan. Flemmigan? She’s totally Chad’s design, and it’s great. Typical for these witches, she never says things straight. In my mind, this Alistair is the one who did the Dark Ritual in Dragon Age: Origins - and I was half-tempted to have him lose his cool in this first scene [opening panels of Chapter 4] with her. Too early, though.”

Alexander Freed: “Through this whole sequence [the page when Varric aims Bianca at Yavana], Yavana is dropping cryptic hints and Alistair is refusing to play along. He’s met Flemeth and Morrigan - he knows Yavana won’t give him a straight answer, and he won’t give her the satisfaction of asking needlessly.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Sometimes it’s the little things on a page that spark my interest. Here [when the team navigate vines and mud to get to the temple], the sunset panel came out great and the mud looks really thick and gooey. It’s fun to focus on these details and make them stand out.”

Chad Hardin: “I hated drawing this scene [when Isabela gets kicked] where Isabela gets the boot to the face. Call me old fashioned, but I was raised to believe that only a coward would ever hit a woman (even a battle-hardened pirate adventurer). I draw at home, and my girls often watch me work in my studio. This was a page I didn’t want them watching me draw. I do like, though, that Isabela gets up, yanks the arrow out, and then soldiers on (and later extracts brutal revenge).”

Michael Atiyeh: “Poor Isabela. It seems I gave her more bruises and black eyes than any of the other characters. [when Isabela is yanking the arrow out]”

Chad Hardin: “It’s always interesting to go back and look at artwork because it reminds me of what was going on in my life at the time. I inked this page [opening panels of Chapter 5] at a ‘draw night’ session at an anime convention in St. George, Utah. I was one of the special guests, but I missed the first day because I was at my grandfather’s funeral in Las Vegas, Nevada. Seeing this page brought back those memories.”

David Gaider: “‘Bianca says hello.’ [quoting the panels being referenced] I adore Varric. I was tempted to have him narrate the entire series [in reference to these three comics], but then again I liked the idea of having each series center on one of the trio’s viewpoints. This book belongs to Alistair, but that doesn’t stop Varric from getting all the best lines.”

Alexander Freed: “Claudio, of course, is not a terribly sympathetic figure. But I wanted to emphasize that he takes this fight as personally as Isabela - he sincerely loved Luis and blames Isabela for the man’s death. I think it’s important to give every character, even the most loathsome, some dignity. [when Isabela and Claudio are fighting]”

Chad Hardin: “Payback! Here is where Isabela extracts her revenge on Claudio [when Isabela stabs Claudio]. I never enjoyed killing off a character so much. I particularly enjoyed putting the look of shock in his eyes. He had it coming. There is something satisfying about killing a ‘made man’.”

Chad Hardin: “Every now and then when drawing comics, I wish I could animate some panels and watch them as a cartoon. It would be great to see this sequence [when Yavana catches Claudio’s soul] in full motion as Yavana snatches Claudio’s soul, makes it reenter his corpse and then extracts information from him until he bursts into flame. It was a very Hellboy-ish moment. I enjoyed the movie that played in my mind while drawing this scene. Hope everyone liked the result.”

Chad Hardin: “As I mentioned on page 17, I rendered the first four chapters in grayscale, which made the black-and-white art look great, but had a neutralizing effect when it came to colors. By the time I drew chapter 4, I had seen the effect it was having and decided to stop using the grayscale so the colors would pop. When I saw this page [when Alistair says to Yavana ‘And we helped you find it’] in print, it confirmed to me that I made the right decision. I honestly feel this art was the best of The Silent Grove.”

Chad Hardin: “I practically painted these pages [when Yavana says ‘It is permitted. Tonight and only tonight’] in thumbnails hoping it would help me choose how to render them in ink. It is so hard trying to figure out how to get a full range of value out of just black and white. There are some artists and inkers that make this look easy. Mark Schultz comes to mind. Michael saved my bacon. Colorists really do so much work when it comes to rendering; this page came out awesome because of him.”

David Gaider: “Here we reveal the existence of Great Dragons (as opposed to High Dragons), and also that Yavana was the source of the return of dragons to Thedas after their departure for so many centuries. But why? There’s the rub, and not even Alistair can trust that she’s telling him the truth.”

David Gaider: “Here’s the controversial scene [Alistair killing Yavana]. I think some fans don’t like that Alistair did this, and have said they consider it out of character. I don’t. From his perspective, Flemeth and her daughters have been toying with the world for reasons that can’t be trusted. They dragged Maric away from his family, from him. One might think his judgement foolish, but considering what Alistair was capable of deciding even back in Dragon Age: Origins, it’s certainly not out of character.”

Chad Hardin: “[same scene as above] This was a controversial page, and there were a lot of people who thought it was out of character for Alistair to kill Yavana (I didn’t see it coming - I mean, you just don’t kill a Witch of the Wild), but here is the thing: this page is Alistair acting as a king. Yavana has been manipulating him, trying to play him like a pawn, and he just can’t allow that. There’s too much at stake, for himself and for his subjects.”

Alexander Freed: “The end? An end, at least [the trio walking off into the distance]. The series needed a note of closure while leading into Those Who Speak (which wouldn’t arrive until many months later). David tweaked the ending in the outline several times, and I did my best to balance resolving Alistair’s emotional journey without resolving the quest. It’s not as clean as I’d have liked, but fortunately, now it’s all in one volume...”

Those Who Speak annotations

Alexander Freed: “Capturing Isabela’s narrative voice was much easier for me than capturing Alistair’s - partly because I’d already written The Silent Grove, and partly because of my own writing proclivities. Rereading now, I wonder if I laid on the (mild) profanity a bit too thick. I’ll leave you to judge.”

David Gaider: “I like the additional detail Alex and Chad put in, letting us see more of Qarinus and more of Isabela’s crew. Alex wanted to give her crew more of a presence, and let her first mate have some face time, so they weren’t just parts of the scenery. Good call on his part.”

David Gaider: “I’m really fond of the formal getups Chad made for the party. Isabela’s actually comes from a concept we didn’t use from the cancelled Dragon Age 2 expansion, if I remember right. And Maevaris came from me asking for ‘someone who looks like Mae West’ - with the wonderful outfit all Chad’s doing.

Chad Hardin: “Maevaris. I love Mae. When David and Dragon Age art director Matthew Goldman spoke to me about designing Mae, they wanted her to be fully female with the exception of her biology. They told me to think ‘Mae West’. Well, when I think of Mae West, I think of her... womanly shape. So, drawing Maevaris was always walking a fine line between portraying Mae’s identity and her biology. The process endeared her to me.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Just like in The Silent Grove, we are introduced to another gentleman from Isabela’s past [when the team meet Lord Devon and Isabela threatens him]. As was the case with Claudio, he will meet his fate at her hands.”

Chad Hardin: “When I was drawing Titus, my kids asked me why I was drawing ‘angry Jesus’ or ‘evil Jesus’. I can’t remember which term they used exactly, but it made me chuckle. I was going for a mix of Rapustin and Joe Stalin, but ‘evil Jesus’ would do.”

David Gaider: “I’m not sure it’s apparent here [when Alistair says ‘I’d really rather not’], but Alistair was supposed to be using one of his Templar powers on Titus (that’s why Titus recognizes what he is on the next page) and disrupting his magic.”

Alexander Freed: “Isabela is witty and charming enough that it can be easy to forget that she’s not, in fact, a nice person. Even after finishing the outline, David was concerned about making her too unsympathetic - but I loved his approach in this series. The dark deeds Isabela commits - this murder included [Isabela killing Lord Devon] - are what make her guilt tangible and no easy matter to overcome.”

Alexander Freed: “I thought the notions of Isabela’s pride in her captaincy and dedication to her crew were some of the most interesting aspects of her character in David’s story. In scenes here [when Isabela is on her ship saying ‘Keep them focused and keep them sober’] and elsewhere, I did my best to emphasize their place at the core of Isabela’s world.”

Chad Hardin: “Most of the time I draw from imagination, but because of the complexity of this page [Qunari trying to board Isabela’s ship] I decided it would work better if I had photo reference. On this page are my nephews Jared (Varric) and Adam, my niece Melissa, my kids Erica, Tasey Michaela (Isabela) and Chad (Alistair), my friend’s daughter Amy, my wife Joy, and the neighborhood kids as Isabela’s pirate crew. (The crew member mooning the Qunari is out of my ol’ noodle.) I paid their modelling fee in pizza and root beer. Also, I had originally drawn cannons on Isabela’s ship, so if there are parts of it that look slightly wonky, chances are there was a cannon there.”

David Gaider: “Ever since the BioWare artists finally did a concept for female Qunari, I’ve been itching to include one in the game. It’s always slipped through my fingers, so I was going to be damned if I’d have a Qunari plot in a comic - without the same technical limitations - and not have one present.

Chad Hardin: “I had no idea this was the first time anyone outside of BioWare had seen a female Qunari.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I really like the lighting in this sequence [Isabela in her cell thinking ‘I haven’t eaten in days’], especially the strong white light and the characters in shadow.”

David Gaider: “The entire sequence of Rasaan interrogating Isabela was something I plotted out in detail when this series began. Here they discuss names - something treated in a manner peculiar to the Qunari, considering how much importance they apply to what things are called (and not called), because it forms the core of their identity. Isabela brushes it off, but as we find out later it’s also at the core of her identity. I liked that parallel.”

Alexander Freed: “To balance out the relatively static talking pages elsewhere in the issue, I hoped to make the interrogation and flashback sequences beautiful and full of information. I proposed an approach to Chad, and he wisely reshaped it into what you see here [the page with the scene where Isabela says ‘I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes’]. Anything that succeeds on these pages should be credited to him; anything that fails is my fault.”

Chad Hardin: “Probably the most challenging spread I have ever done. My friend Stacie Pitt was the model for Isabela on this page, and my wife Joy was Rasaan. I saved these pages [around the scene when Rasaan says ‘Mistakes can be corrected’] for myself.”

David Gaider: “Sten from Dragon Age: Origins becoming the new Arishok of the Qunari was something we'd planned even during Dragon Age 2. This was a great opportunity to show that, and also to show that Sten didn’t acquire horns even despite the makeover the Qunari received in DA2. Hornless Qunari are considered special, and Sten is no exception.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I think that David, Alex and Chad handled Isabela’s flashback [to when she was sold by her mother] in an interesting way, and it created a nice flow to the story.”

David Gaider: “This was a controversial scene [what happened to the slaves Isabela was transporting], the end result of a lot of discussions between me and Isabela’s original writer on the team, and it went through a lot of revisions over that time. It needed to fit with the story Isabela told the player in DA2, but fill in the blanks of what she didn’t tell. We didn’t want Isabela to be someone who became who she is because she was ‘broken’ but instead as a result of her own actions - yet also not be completely beyond redemption.”

Chad Hardin: “These were hard pages [as above] to draw. It was difficult knowing that events such as this are part of human history, such as the Zong massacre in 1781, where the British courts ordered the insurers to reimburse the crew of the Zong for financial losses caused by throwing slaves overboard when faced with a lack of water. Horrifying beyond words.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Here, Isabela visits here crew, and I wanted to play up that she was in the light and they were in a dark cell. The light streaming through the bars gave me the opportunity to highlight Brand, who also had dialogue in the scene.”

Alexander Freed: “I struggled to find a way for Varric to contribute to victory without distracting from Alistair and Sten’s big fight. I’m happy with the solution: a brazen lie seemed appropriate to the character without taking away from the main show.”

David Gaider: “I believe my original plan had Isabela’s and Alistair’s fight scenes happening separately, but I like how Alex intertwined them in the script and I especially like how this ends up highlighting the differences between their characters when their fights are resolved. Isabela is defiant, revealing her name not because Rasaan demands it but because it’s her choice. In both cases, mercy is strength.”

Michael Atiyeh: “The brush I created for the clouds really gave them a nice watercolor effect here [on the deck of the ship, Sten calling Alistair ‘kadan’]. That brush has become a staple in my toolbox.”

Alexander Freed: “With the strong theme of names running through these issues, I liked the notion that Isabela had outgrown being, well, ‘Isabela’. When her name comes up in Until We Sleep, it’s largely played with ambiguity.”

Until We Sleep annotations

Alexander Freed: “The story of ‘Arthur’ is one of my favorite minor sequences [Varric infiltrating and fighting his way into the fortress]. It tells us something about Varric and it delivers plot information - and it’s also a reminder that our heroes kill an awful lot of people during these series and cope with it in their own ways. In general, writing Varric let me skirt the edge of metacommentary, which I greatly enjoyed.”

David Gaider: “Varric, as always, is my ‘voice of the narrator’. Here he’s expressing some of my own amusement at Alistair’s growing list of peculiarities [‘Your majesty is quite the special snowflake’]. To think, back at the beginning of Dragon Age: Origins he was just the player’s goofy sidekick who grew up in a barn.”

Michael Atiyeh: “By the third series, Until We Sleep, I really started to have a complete feel for what I wanted the final art to look like. As an artist, it’s important to continue to evolve and grow. The close-up of Sten’s face [same page as above] is a perfect example of how I wanted the rendering on the characters to look.”

Alexander Freed: “David’s outline called for a short, somber reveal of the Calenhad story by Sten. Fueled by my desire to avoid ‘talking heads’ sequences, I scripted it as a full-on storytelling flashback. David made sure the history worked (at least from the Qunari point of view), and Chad did a beautiful job handling it in a mere two pages.”

David Gaider: “Blood is important in Dragon Age, as a theme. Here we tie in the dragon blood that was mentioned all the way back in The Silent Grove and explain what it means at last. I was a bit hesitant to tarnish the legend of Calenhad the Great in this way, but I comfort myself with the knowledge this tale is but a viewpoint and not necessarily the entire truth.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Titus melting the attacker is a great example of classic comicbook storytelling and exactly what made me fall in love with the medium.”

David Gaider: “I was really happy with how Chad handled the reveal of Mae as transgender [the scene with Mae in the cell]. My worry was that Varric finding her disrobed might be potentially titillating, but I think he handled it nicely. I only wish there was more time to have Mae properly respond to being exposed in this manner, even to a friend.”

Chad Hardin: “I originally drew Mae as female [same scene as above], then changed her anatomy, so the psychological violation and humiliation she felt would be the focus. Hope that came across.”

Chad Hardin: “When in doubt, have Bianca shoot it [Varric shooting the artifact].”

David Gaider: “This scene [Varric and Bianca the dwarf] with Varric was one I wanted to do for a very long time. We’ve hinted that Varric’s crossbow was named after a real person, someone he never wants to talk about. Now I finally had the chance to show why.”

Chad Hardin: “Of all my Dragon Age pages, this scene was hands down my favorite, because Varric is my favorite. It was awesome to get to draw Bianca in her dwarven form. These scenes give you a glimpse of the love Varric and Bianca shared. It doesn’t tell you the whole story, but you can assume plenty from what is shown. You get to see Varric mostly naked (you’re welcome), but most of all you witness Varric’s heartbreak. I felt privileged to draw it. I got so obsessed with drawing this page I did an entire watercolor painting based on the last panel [Varric gets up to leave, ‘This isn’t right’ - ? or perhaps the scene where he opens the door to leave].”

Alexander Freed: “Unreliable narrators are always tricky - done wrong, they can just confuse the reader. But I’m fairly happy with Varric’s lies throughout this series, most of which are used to downplay the emotional cost of events rather than whitewash the events themselves.”

Michael Atiyeh: “This palette worked perfectly [Varric standing in front of the doorway/portal in the Fade proper], but I can’t take all the credit because BioWare provided reference for the Fade. I added the hot orange energy for the doorway, which looks great with the sickly green sky.”

David Gaider: “This scene [Isabela’s Fade nightmare] was actually inspired by a fan named Allegra who did a cosplay as a Qunari version of Isabela. I knew I wanted something like this for Isabela’s Fade section of the comic, but it didn’t really solidify until I saw the cosplay.”

Chad Hardin: “Isabela is more affected by her encounter with Rasaan than we were led to believe. A portent of things to come?”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love this shot of Mae in the fourth panel [on the page where Isabela is affected by vines]. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention what a great character she is in the series, and Chad captures her beautifully in this shot.”

Alexander Freed: “I saw this issue as a sort of downbeat victory lap. Over the course of the previous series, our protagonists largely came to terms with the inner demons the Fade confronts them with here. The fact they’ve come so far lets them win this last battle... but they still have scars that will never completely disappear.”

David Gaider: “Maric was in the first two novels I wrote for Dragon Age. Seeing Chad’s rendering of him as a regal, grown-up version of Alistair made me incredibly nostalgic. Some characters you just never let go of.”

Alexander Freed: “I feel Varric’s lines (‘tell yourself the stories you need to tell’ but ‘never live your own lies’) are the natural endpoint of all the exchanges he’s had with Alistair, starting from the end of Chapter 1 of The Silent Grove. And of course it plays off the story of ‘Arthur’, as well.’’

Chad Hardin: “I���m happy with the way Titus came off in these pages [Titus attacking and saying ‘The last magisters of Tevinter were so close’]. He looks threatening and powerful when fighting Alistair, Isabela and Varric, but genuinely confused by his inability to defeat Maric. Bye-bye, evil Jesus.”

Alexander Freed: “I can’t help but feel for Titus. He was unthinkably corrupt, but I see him as genuinely motivated by Tevinter’s glory. (The fact Alistair reads zealous ideology as a lust for power says a lot about both characters.)”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love the seamless transition of color from Titus’ magic to the dragon breath and then back into the orange remnants of his magic in the smoke. This was a really fun panel to color [Titus saying ‘Die by what wrought you’].”

David Gaider: “‘You are not the dreamer here. I am.’ I always have a scene or a line that’s in my head when I begin a tale, and this line of Maric’s was one I wanted all the way back when I started working on The Silent Grove.”

Chad Hardin: “I love this page [Maric and Alistair clasping hands]; Mike’s colors are spot on. We get to see all our heroes in an ideal state for the last time. This is the last Dragon Age page I saved for myself.”

David Gaider: “This scene kills me [Alistair destroying the Magrallen]. I knew it needed to happen; I knew I wanted it to happen even back when I began the story. Alistair lets Maric remain in the Fade rather than dragging him back to a world which has moved on. Alistair’s ready to move on, but forcing him to give up that hope... it makes me feel like a bad person.”

Chad Hardin: “Heartbreak for Alistair as he realizes that once again, as a king, he must kill: this time, his own father (granted, the Magrallen did most of the work). I really like how Maric crumbles away in the end. This was my last page, and the emotions on the page and in my studio were very final. Altogether, this was a year of my life in the making. On my last page, I wrote a thank you to everyone involved, the crew at Dark Horse and the crew at BioWare. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank them again. It was a thrill. Finally, a huge thank-you to the Dragon Age fan community, whose support was overwhelmingly awesome.”

Michael Atiyeh: “As the story came to an end, I knew I was going to miss these characters. Writing these annotations reinforces the fact that I hope to work with this great creative team again one day. Many thanks to Dark Horse and BioWare for the opportunity to work on Dragon Age.”

Alexander Freed: “The tension between the art and the narration on this page [the one with Alistair sitting on his throne while nobles argue] is something you can only pull off in comics. Neither tells the full, bittersweet story alone. Similarly, these issues wouldn’t have been possible without everyone on the team; thanks to David, Chad, Michael, and everyone I lack space to list!”

Additional pages / art

Library Edition Volume 1 also came with some additional pages, with additional art and commentary. These are as follows (I’m including them for the sake of completion, click the links to see):

1. Alistair and dragon concepts

2. Rasaan and Maevaris concepts

3. Sten, Titus and Yavana concepts

4. A series of cover pages 1

5. A series of cover pages 2

In case anyone has trouble reading the notes that accompany these images, I’ve transcribed them below:

1. Dragon Age Sketch Book

Alistair Concept 

Dragon Age / Dark Horse

Chad Hardin: “The headshot of Alistair is from a finished sketch with a rejected armor design. In order to save time, the redrawing was completed on the computer, where tweaks and changes are quick and easy, if somewhat less glorious.”

[Dragon] Head #1 / Head #2

Chad Hardin: “Everyone liked this dragon sketch so much that Dark Horse printed it for signings at conventions. You can see I did multiple proposals for the dragon’s head. It was more effective than drawing the body over and over.”

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2. [arrow pointing to Mae’s sleeve] concealed [I think that’s what it says anyway] daggers / shurikens?

Chad Hardin: “When designing Rasaan and Maevaris, I wasn’t exactly sure how their roles would play out in the series. Maevaris’ outfit was inspired by brothel madams of the Wild West. I thought it would be cool to have some weapons concealed in the formal wear. These never came into play in the series, but they were there in my mind.”

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3. Chad Hardin: “Although we only see Titus in his battle garb in one issue, I really liked the design of his armor. The sketch of Yavana was done on the fly and served as both a rough preliminary sketch and as a panel layout. You have to work hard and smart in comics to keep up with the deadlines.”

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4. Cover Artist Anthony Palumbo: “This was my first assignment for Dark Horse, and I was both excited and nervous. I drew pencil sketches of the main characters, scanned them and played with different arrangements, poses and color schemes in Photoshop.”

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5. Anthony Palumbo: “Fellow illustrator Winona Nelson helped me by sitting for photo reference. I created the mock-jewelry with gold-painted Sculpey. That’s a quick photo of my own gaping maw, to help with the image of Varric.”

#dragon age #bioware #video games #artevalentinapaz #alistair theirin #fav warden #morrigan #queen of my heart #long post #longpost

[inactivefandomblog]

Things I noticed when I re watched Birds of prey last night

Hi all, I watched BOP for the second time last night and I wanted to write down some of the things I noticed as I had seen @wordsoflittlewisdom​ , Idea credit goes to them on this one. I’m aware that some of these things are not exactly new discoveries and were blatantly obvious to others, but I have ADHD and a processing delay meaning that I don't always take in all the information the first time I watch a film. For example, I had no idea Renee was gay for ages, even though they tell us she had an ex girlfriend (I think I was too busy fan Girling that Ali Wong was in the film then though to hear that bit). I have to focus more on the overall plot when I watch things the first time, but the second time I was able to scan for little details and take in more things. Without further ado, here’s what I noticed.

“Do you know what a harlequin is? A harlequin's role is to serve. It's nothing without a master. No one gives two shits who we are, beyond that.”

-When Harley is talking about Harlequinns serving  their master, she is not just talking about her relationship with the Joker, but about Canary letting Roman be her master. She is saying that she felt like she was nothing without the Joker. She is also implying that Dinah feels the same about Roman, and that she shouldn't because he doesn’t actually care about her like the Joker didn’t care about her.

-THATS WHY SHE ONLY HAS ONE SHOE IN THE CHASE SCENE!!!!!  SHE USED IT TO PIN DOWN THE ACCELERATOR IN THE TRUCKKKKKK!!! MYSETERY SOLVED!! ...  though.. she didn’t change her shoes to a full set between then and the police chase the next day/ later on the same day. Meaning she didn't go home after that...so did she just like wander around Gotham after committing a huge crime obviously tide to her XD of course she did, she’s Harley Fucking Quinn! Either that or she passed out somewhere from being very very drunk, hopefully her apartment and not just a street or something.

-BONUS:  fanfic idea: DRUNK HARLEY HAS A FUNERAL FOR HER SHOE THAT GOT BLOWN UP IN THE ACE CHEMICALS EXPLSION, WITH BRUCE AND THE BEAVER. after she leaves the crime scene. That just seems like a thing drunk Harley would do, as I imagine she loved those shoes as they were awesome..so were her sequin socks.

-The first time I watched it I didn't realise that the fireworks weren’t actually there - because that was all in Harley's head and the film is from her pov - even though we are showed that when the police arrive there are none and it's just a regular explosion. Not until I was told this was the case and realised we were literally shown this later on.

-She goes from being a Harlequinn to Harley Quinn as she becomes emancipated.

-Roman just lets Zsas grab his arms and restrain him when he’s mad, switch energy much.....also they are defo gay for each other. Zsas was acting like a jealous boyfriend when he gave Dinah even an ounce of attention. He legit told her to come back later when he just started massaging Roman’s shoulders. Roman let's Zsas rub his shoulders and comfort him, Zsas wants to protect Roman...need I go on.

- Cass’ parents are yelling about how they don't want her if you listen to what they are saying, so they’re not just fighting, they’re fighting because they wish they never adopted her. She can hear them saying all this too. This made me feel even more sad for Cass than when I thought her parents were toxic to each other in my first watch through.

- (Trigger warning: mention of domestic abuse and child abuse)

.

.

Cass’ parents didn't want her and seemed to be very hostile, its not mentioned how Cass got her cast...but I realised that it could suggest that her parents broke her arm. Which would go on to suggest that they were abusing her physically as well as emotionally. Hence why she didn’t trust people, and was so hurt when Harley betrayed her. Because when she says that she though Harley was different, she meant that she thought she could trust Harley and that Harley wouldn’t hurt her.

-Margot’s real accent comes through when she tells Canary ‘I haven't told that to anyone’ when telling her she Broke up with Joker, as well as a few other times throughout the film.

-Cassandra is quiet and not talkative in her first scene because her throat was hurting because of the diamond. That's why she coughed to try and clear it . At that point in the film we hadn’t been shown that  part but it was set after it happened so it makes sense when you re watch it.

-Cassandra’s jacket has a little middle finger logo on it, which I thought really suited her character.

- Cass has ‘asshole’ written on her cast, a drawing of a gun the word ‘fuck’, the word ‘magic’  - which is probably a reference at how she does some stuff that is similar to closeup magic and uses the same magicians technique of the art of misdirection - she also has what appears to be two playing cards, one with hearts  and one with diamonds. Which is most probably a reference to Harley Quinn’s whole  hearts and diamonds thing she has going. Didn’t comic book Harley also have a link to those specific playing cards too? or something like that?

EDIT: THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS!! I GOT A BETTER LOOK AT THE CAST IN THE COSTUMES VIDEO.

- TW: mentions of abuse and child abuse and trauma

The whole diamonds are a girls best friend is Harley going somewhere else mentally to cope with the trauma of being abused  - we see her being spanked by a nun when was younger suggesting she was abused then too, and I think it is a part of her comic book story  that she was but I don't know for sure - when it flashes and Guns appear that's reality trying to seep in. She's trying to focus on the diamond and block everything else out

-I spotted what looks like a mini mallet on the wall in her kitchen that could potentially be a meat tenderiser, and if that is the case then that is  a fantabulous little Easter egg type thingy. The handle looks too long to be a pot, it has a diamond pattern on it and it is next to another tool for preparing meat...so now I'm just waiting on Margot Robbie,Cathy Yan or Ella Jay Basco to Reply to my tweet and confirm it.

-Helena speaking Chinese makes me laugh for some reason, I think its her facial expression. 

- Kid  Helena’s crayons when she's drawing the revenge pic are all perfectly spaced and placed like her stuff in her bathroom scene. Further evidence of her perfectionism/ her liking things a specific way.

- The towel in Helena’s hotel room  on the bed (seen in mirror reflection) is in the shape of a little person.

- Canary sheds a tear when Roman harasses the lady on the table, I didn't notice that before because I looked away as the scene made me really uneasy.

- Harley screws the cap on the nail polish before putting it down even though there's someone at the door after them. This made me laugh because she thinks the police is after her but still takes time to do this, which is such a Harley thing. Like when she bent down to pick up the penny when that guy was gonna kill her.

- Roman has a shirt with his face printed on it.They did a good job of using the costumes and sets to show his egomaniacal trait.

- The look of acceptance of Harley's face when she realises that no one cares about, after the last person she thought cared about her (Doc) betrayed her, is heart-breaking. 

-How was Renee not injured from getting launched out the window? Even if she didn't fall all the way to the ground and landed on the top of the entrance bit, she’d still be injured.

-WHERE DOES HUNTRESSS STORE ALLL THOSE ARROWWWSSSSS????? SHE FIRED SO MMAANNNNYYY! I DIDN’T SEE A QUIIIIVVVER OR ANYTHING. I guess she just stores them in sub space along with her hammer¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-Also I think I figured out what the chain is  for, at first I thought it was for the crossbow to attach to. Then I though not as she leaves the crossbow on the floor by itself in the funhouse fight scene, but then I think I saw it attached to it..so I think she can just disconnect it when need be. Plus it just looks cool.

-Alllssoo, she toooottallly checked out Dinah! HELENA IS DEFO GAYYYY! she has big useless lesbian vibes. They really knew who their target audience was when they made Helena look so stunning and badass. The producers really said ‘hello LGBTQ+ community’ (hopefully y’all know that tiktok audio or that wont make much sense) Also, if you don't believe me, I have a gif of her doing it on my blog. So there’s no denying it.

-Why were the lights on in the funhouse if it was  abandoned?? Maybe its just more Harley vision? but the carousel was rotating too...

Anyway that's everything I noticed, thanks for reading if you made it this far, and even if you didn’t...you wont see this then but still. Thank y’all .

#harley quinn #birds of prey and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn #birds of gay #birds of prey #dc #movie #dinah lance #huntress #black canary #renee montoya #dinah x helena #cassandra cain #victor zsaz #roman sionis

[twinrowcitizennews]

snapshot

Note from the editor:

This is the first letter of this nature that I’ve received from someone who wanted their question published. Other than editing for formatting and grammar, it’s in their own words and their own words alone. Please send an email or ask if you know how to solve their problem-- and quickly. 

I have to warn you, this letter isn’t for those who are put on edge easily. Reader discretion is advised. 

I don’t know if I’ll still be around by the time this is posted, but that doesn’t matter. So long as this reaches whoever might need it. 

I first saw it last October. The 27th, I think. Kind of cliché for this sort of thing to be happening right around Halloween, but truth is stranger than fiction. It was late in the evening, almost nighttime, when I saw this stray dog roaming around in my front yard. I grabbed my dog’s leash and went to get it, thinking I could keep it in my backyard until I could find the owners, but the second I left the front step, it started off towards the bike trail. I sped up to a jog and followed it, hoping not to scare it off any further. 

The bike trail veers away from the neighborhood and through this piece of undeveloped land that separates the suburbs from a nearby farm. The dog was mostly sticking to the path, moving along at a trot, stopping every once in a while to look over its shoulder and wag its tail, like it was waiting for me to catch up before starting off again. After a few minutes of this, I called for it-- tried to whistle, asked it to heel, etc. It came over when I pretended to have a treat in my hand, holding my fist out like there was something inside. When it leaned over to sniff, I clipped a leash on its collar, a simple fabric band without any tags or ID. I’d never seen the dog before, so I got out my phone and took a picture of it to post to the neighborhood Facebook page, asking if anyone knew its owner, before walking it back to my place and letting it out in the fenced back yard. After feeding my own dog, I sat down to check Facebook to see if there was any response. 

No one recognized the dog from the photo. One comment asked me who was standing in the background. 

There hadn’t been anyone else in the woods, as far as I remembered, but I double-checked the photo anyway. In the background, about 20 feet away, it looked like there was a figure-- vague, kind of person-shaped if you squinted-- standing just to the side of the bike path. It was all indistinct and fuzzy. Probably just a smudge on the lens. I responded to the comment before trying to clean off the lens on my shirt, then taking another photo down the hallway to see if the smudge was gone. There didn’t seem to be anything. The rest of the night was relatively normal. 

The next morning, I ended up trying to clear out my camera roll, to save some room for any pictures I might take of my baby cousins in their costumes. I deleted a bunch of screenshots, old photos, and the image of the dog, before going to delete the hallway picture. 

The smudge was still there. Like before, it was around 20 or so feet from where I’d been standing when I took the photo, around the size and height of a person. Unlike before, it was peering around the corner from the door to the bathroom. 

I was freaked out some, to be honest.  I scrubbed the lens down with a Lysol wipe and took another photo down the hallway, trying to prove to myself it was just some sort of shadow. Nothing that would show up in the daylight. And it didn’t-- nothing strange, no smudge, just a block of sunlight from the windows. I didn’t delete the picture from the night before, though. Just in case. 

It was a few more weeks before I took another nighttime photo. My cousins are too young to stay up late, so they’d been out trick-or-treating around 5:00 in the evening, back before it was even dark, so I didn’t really take anything on Halloween. The dog was returned to its owner a few days after, so nothing there, either. 

It was around the middle of November when I ended up catching it again. I was on a nighttime walk and passed the home of this older couple down the road who always put up their outdoor Christmas decorations about a month too early. I wanted to get a picture of the setup-- they had this new animatronic Santa, sitting on a throne and waving to the road. I can promise that no one else was in the yard. I used the flash (on accident, but still), and if someone was there, I would have seen them. When I got home, I sent the picture to a friend of mine for her to make fun of. She messaged back with a few laughing emojis before asking who took the photo.  

(ID: Two texts from my friend reading “lol” and “really who took it”. My response says “wdym?”. She responded with two texts saying “I see you in the background, genius” and “just vibing by the garage”. End ID.)

I checked the photo again. By the house’s garage, a little under 20 feet from where I’d been, was a clearer, more distinct figure. For once, I could make out its face. 

I don’t know who or what it is, or how it got there, but it definitely looked like me. It was even wearing my clothing, had its hair done the same way, everything. Just standing there and smiling for the photo, like someone just out of frame was telling it to say cheese, looking right into the camera. 

I immediately turned all the lights on that I could reach. I almost deleted the photo, staring at it for too long, before closing out of Photos and reopening my camera. I figured this had to be some weird hallucination or something I was making up, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. I aimed the camera down the hall and took a video. Nothing. I checked it, sliding the scrub bar back and forth to inspect each individual frame. All of them were just empty, illuminated hallway. That didn’t shake the feeling, though, so I turned the hall light off and tried again. Nothing showed up on this video, either. I took a photo. 

It was there. Again. It wasn’t peeking out from around anything, just standing in the middle of the hallway, the same distance it had been from the camera in the yard. 

I didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. 

I ended up searching the internet as much as I could for anyone with similar experiences. I saw things about ghosts, things about illusions, things about solid doppelgangers that people saw with their own eyes and not through pictures, but nothing like this. Over the weeks and months that followed, I took investigating into my own hands. 

My fears were quieted some-- some-- when, after the first few nights, I realized that it wasn’t hurting me. It never even moved, staying in the same poses each night. The only change was, no matter where I was, inside or outside, it was always the same distance away.

I started taking pictures almost obsessively. Every day, every night, I tried something new. I tried every condition I could think of to see when and where this thing would show up. It became a part of my routine-- almost a companion. I’d even jokingly wish it goodnight. 

I could put walls between myself and it. At one point, I stood inside my closet and took a picture, only showing racks of coats and clothes. It could be seen through windows, if there was no room for it to appear indoors. I could take pictures out my bedroom window to show it standing right there outside the window on the front walk. It always looked exactly like me, down to the smallest detail, except for the face. It never had any expression other than a smile. No matter where I was, inside or outside, it could be there. I got pictures of it at home, at work, out of town. It never showed up in well-lit photos. Things in the dark with flash were okay, but it would just be a little indistinct. Dimmer lighting, pictures taken at night, all of that was free game. I never got a picture of it in daylight. 

Around February, I sat down and tried to sort all the successful photos into one album to clear up my camera roll. At this point, it was mostly just pictures of the thing, since I was sometimes taking up to dozens a night. I deleted all the failures, saving all the pictures of it into one album. That’s when I noticed.

It was getting closer.

I guess I had ignored it over the first months. It had been too gradual for me to notice, only an inch or two each night, but looking at all the photos in order, it was obvious. Instead of being around 20 feet away, the thing was closer to 15, still just standing and smiling.

I had to tell myself it was coincidence, or something I was imagining, or I think I would’ve done something I’d regret later just then. Now that I knew it could move, I didn’t really think of it as a friend anymore. 

I kept taking pictures throughout the following months. Only at night. It stopped showing up outside my bedroom window-- in retrospect, probably because the ground wasn’t close enough for it anymore. It stopped lurking at the end of the hallway, drawing nearer until it was standing right there in the living room. It started putting its hands against the glass of the kitchen windows. Then it started showing up at the kitchen table. 

I got desperate, some. I tried everything. I burned incense, I tried to talk to it, I bought fucking crystals. I’m an atheist, but I even considered calling a priest or something. All spring, I was constantly scrambling to find some way to get that thing to leave, or at least stop moving. Every night I took more pictures, too many, before scrolling through my photo album with a looming sense of dread. Nothing worked. It kept coming, slowly, always dressed like me and always doing that smile. It got close enough that I could see the whites of its eyes. I almost wish I could say that there was something messed up about it, something that made it obviously inhuman or dead or anything, but there wasn’t. It was just me, just exactly like me, and somehow that was worse. 

I’m sending this in now because it’s really close and I don’t know how to make it go away or if that’s even an option anymore. These past few nights, it’s been right in front of me-- I could reach out and touch it, if it was solid. Hell, I could probably feel its breath, if it had that. I’ve been taking pictures every hour or so, sometimes every couple of minutes.

Last night, around the fifth or sixth picture I took, it wasn’t there. Just gone. I took a few more pictures, and it didn’t matter where I was, it just wasn’t there. I don’t know why I did it, but I turned the camera around to selfie mode and took a shot. 

That thing was standing right behind me.

One of its hands was hovering right over my shoulder, like it was about to touch me. I freaked out and took another picture. It hadn’t moved more than a hair. I turned all the lights on and haven’t slept. 

I’m not sleeping tonight. I’m not turning any of the lights off. It can’t get to me if the lights are on, or I hope so. If anyone knows what to do or what this thing is, please respond. It might already be too late, but I don’t know what this thing will do or who it’ll go for when it’s done with me. I don’t have much advice to give, other than to sleep with the fucking lights on.

#tw unreality #tw paranoia inducing #||OOC: This was written by the mod! Based on a dream I had #tagging all future content of this sort as #twinrow tales #hopefully there will be more soon||

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 2

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2205

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue 

Once you stopped laughing with your panic, you did what any other logically thinking person would do and rang the police. And you waited at your front door, not touching anything within your home in case you tampered the evidence further. You were already scolding yourself for eating the food prepared for you. What if it had been poisoned? You thankfully didn’t feel any worse off with your cold, if anything, you felt loads better.

Still, the anxiety ran high within you until the two officers finished checking everything over.

“It looks like the person who did this knows you intimately,” Constable Park said with a brief frown. “We’ll run the fingerprints we’ve managed to find through our system to see if they’re in it but I’m not sure what more help we can give you, Miss L/N.”

“Thank you, Constable, I appreciate your efforts all the same.”

“You said you’re a famous author, right?”

You grimaced. “I wouldn’t say famous.”

“I’ve heard of your name before,” Officer Yoon mentioned with a sheepish grin when you glanced at him in surprise. He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “My girlfriend reads your stories.”

“Ah. Please tell her I said thanks.”

“Could I actually get your autograph to give to her? I’d be in her best books for-”

“Dowoon!” Constable Park cut in sternly, causing the taller man to shrink back.

“I don’t mind,” you offered and headed back to your office for a pen and paper. You stopped when you noticed your favourite pen was missing. Surmising it had been moved during the police search; you reached for another pen and then wrote down a quick message for the young officer’s girlfriend before signing it.

You stopped again, staring at the message still displayed on your screen.

Your biggest fan.

Constable Park was back at your side again and you glanced up at him. “You mentioned just now about me being known and the message here…”

“Just make sure you keep the doors locked and maybe invite someone around to stay with you for the time being. As harmless as it’s all been, we do have more than one fingerprint detected today. Since you live alone and haven’t had anyone over in some time, we can confirm there was a second person in here last night. I know it’s easy to spend time being grateful to your avid followers but be careful with who you share your personal information with.”

A chill shuddered its way down your spine and you nodded hastily, taking the card the man held out. He smiled comfortingly. “If you have any other problems, Miss L/N, this is my direct line. Contact me right away, okay?”

“Thank you, Constable Park,” you replied weakly, reading the card and finding that his first name was Sungjin. You smiled when you looked back up at him. “I appreciate it.”

“Alright Dowoon, let’s head out and I’ll be in contact when we’ve checked the database,” Sungjin – Constable Park – stated and you nodded once more as you handed the autograph to his colleague. Dowoon grinned bashfully and thanked you all the way back to your front door, where you fare-welled the pair.

And promptly locked and latched the front door.

You had lived alone since your early twenties, too independent to work well with roommates. Whilst you had started out in a small, frigid apartment, you had cherished the space alone to create your fantasies into novels. You had only moved to your modest villa within the last year and adopted Binks, the only company you needed on a daily basis outside of your characters.

You weren’t recluse by any means, you just preferred your own company. Socialising was exhausting for your introverted ways, and even though you wanted to play it safe, you slumped down on the couch after the police left and groaned at how exhausting today had been so far.

“I’m sick, that’s adding to it,” you said out loud, and then caught yourself doing so, snapping back upright in your position. “I talk out loud to myself a lot, don’t I?”

Of course, your belongings didn’t reply. And Binks had gone into hiding when Sungjin and Dowoon were here, being afraid of men entirely.

Thinking over the care the stranger had given to even your cat, you decided they had to be female. It didn’t ease your mind any assigning a gender to this person. But it did help you feel as if you were getting somewhere with the mystery behind it.

“And once the police run all the necessary checks, hopefully, I’ll have more answers,” you announced, groaning when you had realised you spoke out loud again. “Oh, whatever! I don’t have to keep my thoughts locked up inside my head or spoken through my fingertips into a word document either! My house, my life!”

And with that, you got up and went back to your desk where you tried to seek out some normalcy for the rest of your day.

You checked emails before conversing with Lily who was animatedly retelling you of her reactions to the final part of the manuscript you sent her. You mentioned to her about what happened too. Lily, however, seemed to be more concerned about something you had written, after exclaiming over your safety. You watched the video screen where your editor, and probably the person who knew you the most aside from your mother, struggled with something.

You frowned. “What is it?”

“You didn’t put your usual The End at the final part for me.”

“Yes I did,” you corrected, leaning back in your chair. “You know me. I always put it at the end of every manuscript so you can’t nag me for more words. The End means I’m not adding to this story anymore!”

“You didn’t put it, Y/N,” she repeated, glancing up at you curiously through her laptop’s camera. “You put something else.”

“Look, I’ll prove it to you,” you announced with pure conviction, clicking on the word document icon on the taskbar and then stopped momentarily when you finally noticed that the story was still open. “That’s strange. I know I closed out of it last night.”

“Out of what?” she asked as you clicked on the tab and watched the document appear on the screen.

You immediately gasped. There, after the final scene of Charli and Brian, was no longer The End as Lily had announced. Instead, the words, To Be Continued had been placed there.

“I didn’t put that there,” you whispered and Lily laughed, unconvinced.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N! Who else would have?”

“I sent it to you right after I finished and I swear I had The End written there.”

“Maybe your writing muse changed it on you,” she teased but you didn’t join her in the amusement. She sensed your shock and blinked a couple of times before focusing back on you. “You really didn’t do it?”

“What if they changed the whole story?!” you shrieked as you jumped to the worst conclusion, scrolling up until you found the line that Brian had spoken to Charli about waiting for an eternity for her. You relaxed a little when everything appeared to be in order. “Maybe I’ll name the third book in this series, Eternity.”

“Wow, just like that, you calmed down,” Lily observed and then nodded. “I like that.”

“I don’t know. I’m just a little sensitive.”

“You were taking medicine last night for the cold, right?” You nodded at Lily’s question and the woman smiled knowingly. “Maybe you took too much at once and hallucinated a little. Or blacked out and can’t remember much.”

“I’m changing it back to The End,” you told her, typing it as you did so. Closing the document, you smiled brightly at the video call. “I’m not adding any further words to Captivated, you hear me? You work your editing magic and I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yes, Boss!” she cheered, waving to end the call and you powered off your laptop then, making sure to shut the lid down as well.

After finding Binks, you scooped him up in your arms, checked all the doors a final time before heading off to bed for much-needed rest.

You were still a little sick, after all.

You awoke to the sound of your phone ringing the following morning and blearily reached out to silence it. “Hello?”

“Miss L/N?” a deep voice asked and you sat up a little, blinking away your sleep. “This is Constable Park. We met yesterday regarding your intrusion issue?”

“Sungjin,” you immediately said and then gripped at your blankets at your first name slip-up. Clearly, you were still grappling with becoming alert enough for proper etiquette.

He chuckled lightly. “Yes, shall I call you Y/N?”

“If it makes the situation still work well, be my guest.”

“Well, I’m not sure how happy you’ll be to have me calling you by your name, Y/N, in a moment.”

“No?”

“The results are in and there’s no fingerprint matching that in our database. Whilst that’s bad news for us to immediately act upon it, it doesn’t diminish the fact that someone had been there either.”

Despite being under your blankets, you ran cold, wrapping your spare arm around you to try and warm yourself back up. “I see. Does this mean you can’t do anything?”

“I’m afraid so. If you find anyone suspicious in your house or lurking around the outside, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Of course, thank you, Sungjin.”

“You’re the first person I’ve been called out to that’s called me by my first name, you know.”

“Do you find me rude for doing so?”

“It’s refreshing,” he admitted and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of being something different for the man. You then bit at your lip, realising you were overreacting all because a man in uniform had stepped into your home.

Okay, so Sungjin was really handsome. And you were deprived of seeing such handsome outside of your stories. Whilst he was no Brian Kang, he would definitely make for a great love story counterpart in a new world. Perhaps he helped the main protagonist and became her protector. Or maybe –

“Y/N?” Sungjin said and you blinked rapidly out of your racing thoughts, coughing a little to cover your embarrassment. “You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m still recovering from this fever,” you admitted, fanning at your face for effect. “Did you say anything else?”

“Yeah, I just told you to keep safe, okay? I don’t need to be worrying about you needlessly, right?”

Oh, you were so going to get up right after this phone call and start typing out these ideas flashing through your mind. However, you gave a moment more to the police officer and confirmed you would call him at the first sign of trouble before ending the call.

Springing up from your bedding, you dashed into your office and perched on the edge of your chair as you opened your laptop and turned it on. You were relieved to find everything in your office in the right place as you opened a new word document and tapped furiously on your keyboard to get down all your ideas for your new police officer au story.

And when you were finally done, you leaned back in your chair and giggled. You weren’t always inspired by people who stepped into your world, but this was solid content you couldn’t ignore.

“Perhaps it’ll help me live out my Sungjin desires too,” you admitted sheepishly before glancing at your pen stand. You remembered about the missing pen and searched on top of your desk and then scooted your chair back to look on the floor. “Where did you go, favourite pen?”

Not finding it anywhere, you pouted right as your stomach grumbled. “Ah,” you said weakly, clutching your stomach in your hand. “I best feed myself and Binks. Hopefully, that pen will turn back up.”

Once you had eaten and quietened Binks’ demands for his morning affection, you got dressed and readied yourself for a trip out to the grocery store. Next, you had to write out a list of what you needed and went back into your office, sitting down at your desk and reaching for some paper.

Your attention turned to your laptop, where you found your favourite pen sitting upon it. “What the…”

And looking up at the screen, another message awaited you.

 Sorry, I didn’t realise I had taken it with me after writing you the notes.

 Glancing around yourself, you froze with the fear that rose within. You hadn’t heard anyone inside the house during this time. Yet, there was proof someone had come in again. You looked to the window, it was firmly shut. There was no way anyone could have gotten inside the house without walking passed you first.

You then started to shake.

Had they been in here all night long again?

Just as you went to get up and fetch your phone to ring Sungjin back, you noticed a second tab open on the document screen.

It was Captivated. And once again, the last words read, To Be Continued.

_________________

Part 3

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

#kwritersworldnet #young k #young k fiction #young k fanfic #young k fluff #young k romance #young k au #day6 #day6 fiction #day6 fanfic #day6 fluff #day6 romance #day6 au #pwyl; to be continued #kpop fiction #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #kpop romance

[jwillgoose]

The record is finished... what now?

We finished our fourth album last week, so I thought it might be interesting (spoiler alert: it probably isn’t) to do a quick post about what happens once a record is ‘finished’ these days, and why it can seem to take so long between an album being completed and actually being released.

Before I stumbled upon a career in making music, my attitude would’ve been similar to that of many fans, I imagine - why not just put the record out as soon as possible? It’s done, you spent (presumably) ages on it, surely you just want people to hear it and shower you with praise and damning reviews? After all, that’s what Radiohead and Beyoncé seem to do, and they don’t mind if the vinyl follows several months later.

Well, Radiohead are Radiohead and Beyoncé is Beyoncé, and both of those artists (and only a handful more) releasing records is Big News in and of itself. Smaller bands and artists need to use their new record as something to build around, to try and fight desperately for attention in a very competitive industry, to route tours around, even simply to remind people that you still exist (often, admittedly, to their distress). Otherwise it’s all too easy to put something out only to see it burn out very quickly, for it to fall to the bottom of people’s ‘recently played’ streaming algorithms and swiftly fall out of the public consciousness pretty much altogether. 

That's why it’s better for 99% of bands and artists to wait until everything is ready and to try to go for one big, focused ‘bang’ (often still a whimper, admittedly), rather than trying to hit the front page of Pitchfork with a near-instantaneous release. And the main thing we’re all waiting for these days, especially with its continued resurgence and importance to artists, labels and fans, is vinyl.

Vinyl lead times pre-pandemic were already a bit ridiculously long because a large number of the pressing plants from back in the day went under or severely reduced their capacity, so we’ve been left with a relative handful of potential suppliers and an awful lot of demand from all corners of the music industry. I think The Race For Space (released Feb 2015) was mastered at the end of October 2014, so made it out there in just over 3-and-a-bit months, and that was with two test pressings after the first failed. By the time Every Valley rolled around (released July 2017) we were already at four-months-and-counting, and don’t even get me started on the White Star Liner EP (tail end of 2018, and the vinyl was late because of test pressing issues).

Anyway, you get the picture, and that’s all pre-COVID, which obviously has done precious little to improve any aspect of the economy, besides enhancing Jeff Bezos’ already undignified / obscene wealth. We were initially quoted 7 months for this album but have managed to get it down a bit from there - still, you’ll no doubt have noticed a lot of delayed releases recently and I am taking nothing for granted, on any level, with this record.

We might seem like a modestly successful band but we are also still very much a small team of people. The sheer amount of work it is to get everything ready, besides ‘just’ the music itself, necessitates a bit of a delay between completion and release. Even now, the artwork, liner notes, credits, administrative aspects (PPL IDs and so on) are queueing up for attention; that’s to say nothing of band photos, press releases, updated bios, pitches for various media features (often with ridiculously long lead times of their own), music videos, remixes, instrumentals... in short, a lot.

Then for a band like us there’s the whole tricky chicanery of designing, building, programming and rehearsing a quite fiendishly complicated live set, all while navigating the risks and uncertainties of doing so during what we hope is the tail-end of a pandemic. It normally takes me about 2-3 months to get an album ready to play live, and that’s just the music side of it - then I need to edit videos to run concurrently, give various assets to Mr B so that he can have more to play with than just an on-rails video, then all get together in a room to see what works (hint: not much) and what needs more work (hint: nearly everything). Mr B also needs a lot of time - justly so - to put together his fiendish set creations as well as creating a lot of original video output himself. Popping up on the radio to do a quick session somewhat belies the amount of work it takes to get new material ready for that stage (should it arrive - we certainly don’t assume it will).

But the main thing, still, is to try to garner as much attention, wake as many people as possible up to the fact that yes, you still exist and yes, you’re still flogging the dead horse that is your band and creative output in a perhaps vain attempt to try to prolong an unlikely career and yes, you can order the Amazing New Record soon in at least 5 different colours to ensure its safe arrival in your homes at the very second of its official release. Hello! We’re still here! Hello! We have a new record! Er.. anyone?

Anyway, that’s just a few items from the very long list of things preoccupying me and the other denizens of PSB Towers between now and release. Hopefully everything will run smoothly, the record will come out when we say it will come out and we can even entertain modest hopes of another reasonably-well-charting album. On that note, a brief aside - chart positions are still incredibly important, if only within the record industry itself. A high chart position makes a lot of people sit up and take notice - bookers, agents, festival promoters and so on - which is another reason why it’s important for those of us who aren’t in Mr Yorke’s merry gang to try to get everything out all at once (in its right place, if you will) rather than staggering digital / vinyl release dates.

Hopefully you found this mildly diverting. It’s mostly served as a nudge in the ribs for me to remind me how much I still need to get on with, so without further ado, off I will go, and on with I will get.

Yours pre-releasedly,

J. Willgoose, Esq.

(PS I’d like to make it clear I love Radiohead, and none of this is even a mild dig at them. They are one of the most wonderful musical outfits ever, and they also have the rare privilege of being able to do what they want, when they want to, which really must be lovely.)

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

(this is about the schlatt situation, which will probably my last ask about it since thoughts are happening, and you don't have to reply if you don't want to!)

I don't know why but no matter how much I try to distance myself until further notice, I keep thinking about the situation? And now I think my feelings also just turned into worry? I mean the anger and disappointment is still there because what happened was definitely not okay - it was horrible and the video just shouldn't have happened. I'm just worried and scared that he won't address it/that he will ignore it and that he won't change. and I'm also worried for him - because of the whole doxxing situation. Whenever I see screenshots or posts about things like his address, family info and apparently potentially credit card info being leaked I just worry for his safety. of course I recognise that he's a grown adult and he can definitely keep himself safe but still I'm just worried since no one should be doxxed.

I think I'm just holding onto a sliver/slither(?) of hope that he does make a video to discuss it, to apologise and to show that he does recognise that those things are very serious. I just hope he recognises that "offensive humour" doesn't offend people; it actively hurts and harms people - especially people who have been constantly hurt before. And I hope he recognises that this persona he's doing is just doing more harm than good. Even if he's trying to mock people who act like that, it's just slowly turning into attracting people like that into the fanbase. Cause I had a peek into the comment section on that video and it's just mostly people defending him?? and it's just like: why are you defending those "jokes"/malicious content? So instead of making fun of those people, it's really just turned into attracting people who hold those views into his channel. I just hope he realizes that and just changes and drops the shock factor content. I get it that YouTube is his source of income and he needs to make money but that isn't the way. Making money off of hurting other people isn't the way. He could have just posted the cat video instead and I bet that people would love the video since Jcat is adorable and an update would have been really nice. or even if he tried a somewhat chaotic (like knowing half the recipe and then trying to figure out the method) and wholesome cooking or baking video if his new place is set up? Because that video he made after moving in was really nice and just hearing him talk was nice? And I know change doesn't take a sudden day (like Minx said) but even just making the effort to change is something - which would really start with an apology and a serious, no persona, non edited, non monetized discussion video. Plus if they are playing a video game and someone in the group says something horrible like that, than for him to just be like "Stop. That's not okay." even just calling that out would be something.

Just some thoughts but otherwise I'm just worried and holding onto a bit of hope - that feels like is slowly dwindling as the days go on.

I absolutely agree with this and feel everything you're saying. All I want is an apology/response. The bear minimum. I feel less and less confident we will get one every day.

The way I see it the ways this can go (best to worst) are:

He makes a response and changes his content

He makes no response and changes his content

He makes no response and doesn't change

He makes a response and doesn't change (worst option)

I would be happy with option one, and I'd go back to watching his content regularly. In the event of option two (most likely imo) I would wait to see how he's doing then get back into his content hesitantly. For option three and four, I will drop that man instantly. Fuck that.

Of course that's my opinion as a fan and someone who has been a fan for over a year now. If people want to drop him no matter what I'm chill with that as long as they don't come after me/harass any other fans.

The people defending him in the YouTube comments are wrong and part of a nasty demographic that I really don't like. They do make up a lot of Schlatt's audience but I wish he would call them out sometimes. This is why I doubt mans will make a response, but it feels more likely that he'll be careful and better in the future.

He could post anything and it would get good views. The jackbox videos were lazy and uninspired. He's smarter than this (I could rant for hours about how good he is at satire and making fun of Bad People and exactly where he fucked up with this video) and he's clearly not like this irl. It annoys me and it will keep annoying me if he says nothing.

Maybe they'll say something on Chuckle Sandwich. Connor did imply that Schlatt knows the video was a bad decision, but I won't be happy until we hear something from the man himself.

The doxxing situation is terrifying. All his personal info, and the info of his family and friends, plus his address, maybe even his card number. It's disgusting. People who are apparently visiting his house are so out of line and I hope Schlatt and Connor are okay rn.

If you ever need to talk you can message me. I have a server dedicated to documenting YouTube/twitch/CC drama. It's invite only rn but we can talk about that if you want.

Hope everyone's doing okay. I'll keep updating on the situation.

#jschlatt #schlatt #tw racism #tw doxxing #twitter

[blewink]

tease // bc

warnings: dom!chan, brat! reader, toy play, sexting(ish), oral (receiving), fingering, and a little cute sh*t at the end

a/n: this was written a while ago and was just sitting in my drafts and i didn’t feel like editing it so i hope y’all like it! - blue💙

You never really thought of yourself as a brat, in fact whenever Chan gave you rules, you never went against them. So when you did break a rule the night before by cumming without permission, Chan decided to give you a light yet effective rule. No touching without permission.

Before Chan left for work that day he made sure to tell you the rule again. You promised to him that you could control yourself and with that he kissed you goodbye and you were left alone in your shared apartment.

Hours passed and it had all been fine, you had mindlessly watched TV and ate a couple snacks. You then wandered back to your room to probably look at your phone for the time being, until Chan came home. When you walked in, you jumped into your bed and you felt a small rounded rubber object under Chan’s pillow. You reached under the pillow, confused as to what it was. As you finally saw it, you gasped and felt yourself soak your panties a bit. It was the vibrator that had caused you to break the rule from the previous night.

With this sudden wave of horniness, you felt yourself getting more and more needy. You noticed you had started softly grinding on your blankets. Remembering Chan’s punishment, you groaned as you fell back on the bed. You tried to think of other things other than Chan’s hands, his voice just anything to stop you from breaking the rule.

Suddenly an idea popped in your head: he never said anything about teasing right? You reach for your phone and open the camera. You prop it up against a pillow and begin shooting a video. You crawl away from the phone and begin arching your back, accentuating the curve of your ass. By wearing one of Chan’s loose t-shirts, you could probably see your breasts. You turn around and sit on your knees trying to look as innocent as possible. You grab the hem of your shirt and begin lifting it, before too much is exposed you end the video.

With a short review of the video and cutting a bit from the beginning and end, you thank god for it have been golden hour. It made your skin look like it was glowing and overall you were satisfied with the outcome. You then open the messaging app and quickly send the video to Chan. It’s only a couple of minutes until you get a response. You unlock your phone. “Is my baby trying to break the rules?” You respond “What do you mean Channie? I just wanted to show you how pretty golden hour was.” He responds in seconds “Whatever you’re trying to do, it isn’t gonna end well for you sweetheart.” You respond with a quick: “I’m not trying to start anything, my intentions are only pure 🥰” He simply ends with “No touching. I’ll be home in an hour.” You answer “Yes sir.”

You didn’t intend on keeping your promise and you never did. You wanted to see where this would go, you never broke the rules and it was giving you a bit of a high if you were being honest. You walked over to your closet and pick out a box. Inside you found all the toys that Chan likes to use on you. Vibes and a couple Dildos, yeah you guys were fairly vanilla. You finally settle on a baby blue dildo with a suction end.

Whenever you bought a new dildo, you would always pick one that was smaller than Chan. While you would never admit this to him, you always loved the stretch Chan would give you. You picked up a textbook that you no longer needed and put the dildo on it. You then propped it under you on a pillow. As you slowly lowered yourself, you left a few whimpers slip out. You satisfied your neediness a bit but you wanted more.

You moved your hips up and down, the dildo filling you up over and over. The sensation slowly becoming addictive. You no longer cared if your neighbors heard you, loud moans and whimpers filled the room. You lowered your hand to your clit and rubbed slow circles. The pleasure shot through your body causing you to tremble and close your eyes. You felt your wetness dripping down your thighs and onto the bed and textbook. You open your eyes and look across the room and see yourself in your full body mirror. Your cheeks had a light red flush to them, you then take off your shirt and immediately the coldest of the room causes you to shiver.

You angle yourself so you can see better through the mirror. You never noticed your new fetish of watching yourself but you were enjoying it. You continued to ride the dildo, whimpering wishing it was Chan’s cock instead. You watched as your pussy glistened in the sun and took the dildo as if it was made for it. Your pace was slowing down as you watched in astonishment as the dildo disappeared into your small pussy.

A deep voice interrupts you. Chan’s dark voice filled the room, “Are you enjoying what you’re watching babygirl?” You surprised, covered up yourself with a blanket lying on the bed. “Getting shy are we?” Chan says as one of his eyebrows cocks up. Your face warms up as you clench around the dildo, remembering that it was still in you. “n-no” you stutter. “I was just surprised” You see his jaw clench and his eyes darken. You had never see him this upset before but you were willing to pick his buttons a little further. “I gave you one rule and you broke it.” He says through gritted teeth. You slyly respond “I think you’re just upset that this dildo is filling me up better than you can.”

He responds “You should watch your pretty little mouth babygirl ” You let the blanket drop, exposing your naked upper half. You answer him by saying “Maybe you should show me how to” He walked towards the bed, you could practically feel yourself falling into sub space. Nothing could make you feel better than making Chan feel good. You began regretting your words but you still felt curious to see how Chan was when you had pissed him off.

He gripped the blanket so hard you could see his knuckles turn white. You worriedly told him, “I’m sorry Channie, I didn’t want to make you angry. I just wanted to see how far I could push you.” As you looked in his eyes, you saw them soften for a bit. He lifted his hand to your cheek and he rubbed it for a while. He looked into your eyes and said, “It’s alright baby. I want to see where this goes too. I’m not angry with you but I need to show you that when you break the rules, you get punished. Do you understand?” You leaned into his hand, still on your cheek. You let out a small “yes.” Chan hummed back in approval. “Do you remember your color baby?” You nodded quickly, “Pink.”

With that, Chan asked you to lay back. You had forgotten about the dildo, so when you went to lay down, it barely grazed your sweet spot. You froze and the small whimper you let out didn’t go unnoticed by Chan either. “What is it baby?” You could tell he was teasing by the tone of his voice. He knew damn well what just occurred. You mumbled something along the lines of “nothing” but telling by the smirk on his face you could tell he had something in mind.

He lightly pushed you down, causing the dildo to fully pull out of you. You pouted at the feeling of being empty. He took the dildo off the book and threw the book on the side of your bed. He brought the dildo up to your mouth and you knew what that meant. You opened your mouth, you wanted to cum tonight and you were going to do anything Chan said. He pushed the dildo further into your mouth until you gagged. Tears began stinging your eyes, as Chan saw this he said “What? If you can take my cock, cant you take this?”You could only hum something to him and he pulled the dildo out.

Putting it to the side. He wiped your tears with his hands, placing a small kiss under each eye. He leaned back to look at you in awe. You felt his loving gaze burn into your skin. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” You felt your cheeks grow red. He moved to the side of the bed to rid himself of his shirt. As he got off to remove his pants and boxers, you watched the muscles of his back. They were smooth yet structured, the sun creating shadows in all the right places. Out of habit, your hand began wandering to your clit. You began slowly rubbing and moaning softly while watching him. Chan whipped around only to you squirming in pleasure. He stood there for almost ten seconds before he said “No touching.” Reluctantly, you pulled your hand away. He then got on top of you, framing you between his arms.

He dove, his lips pressing against yours. You let soft moans out while your hands wandered all over his chest, arms and shoulders. He began moving down your chest and slowly to where you needed him the most. You spread your legs and Chan immediately began teasing you. Kissing your inner thighs, everywhere but your desperate cunt. “Please Chan! Please!” He looked up at you, “What do you want baby? Use your words.” Frustrated, you quickly screamed “I want you to make me feel good.” He clicking his tongue, “You’re going to have to be more specific. I can make you feel good in so many ways.” Desperate to feel anything you said, “Your fingers, your mouth, tounge. Anything!” Chan let out a small “Good girl” before he gave your pussy a lick. He was eating you out like it was his last meal. Sucking on your clit causing your body to spasm by the sudden pleasure. He had never done it like this before. It wasn’t long before you felt is hands wanderingto your tight hole. He started with one finger, he only went about an inch in but you wanted more.

You moved your hips to try and make him go deeper but he was quick to hold you down. “Don’t be a brat and use your words like I told you to.” His dominance made you grow wetter, if that was even possible. “Oh? You like it when I talk to you like that?” Ignoring his comment you whispered out, “Deeper.” And like that, he plunged his finger as deep as it could go. “More,” He then added two. You let out a gasp as you felt his thick fingers stretch you out. He kept at a steady pace, not too slow but also not too slow. You felt your orgasm getting closer. You began pulling at his hair and your moans were getting louder. You chanted “Don’t stop” over and over again. His pace began picking up and the pleasure was making your vision fuzzy as you felt your orgasm wash over you. He continued to work at your clit driving you into overstimulation. You pushed at him to stop and he came up to kiss you. You could taste yourself on his lips and tounge.

You felt his cock pressing against your thigh. You grabbed it and gave it a few strokes. He let out a few stuttered moans. “Fuck” he groaned. You brought your hand back up to cup his check and give him another kiss. Midway, he pushed his cock in causing you to let out a soft gasp. Once he was fully in, he looked at you. Giving him a nod of reassurance, he began rocking his hips. His cock hitting your sweet spot almost immediately. “God, you’re taking me so well baby.” Your pussy was still sensitive from cumming but Chan didn’t care. He began fucking you at a fast pace. You loved hearing his soft grunts and moans. While he was punishing you, he still liked praising you. “You’re doing do good baby. Such a good girl for me.” The praises only bringing you closer to your second orgasm of the night.

By the way his cock began twitching and his heavy breathing, you could tell he was close. You brought your hand to clit and began rubbing circles. As your pussy tightens around his cock, you start cumming. No noise comes out of you but Chan’s grunts keep going. Your spasming core causing for his warm release to spill into you. He gives a few more strokes until he slowly pulls out, his cum not far behind. You shiver in due to over stimulation and the sensation of his seed dripping out. He quickly gets a towel to clean you up. You lay on the bed, exhausted, and Chan comes back quickly to cuddle. As he holds you in his arms, he rubs small circles on the skin on your back. You’re about to fall asleep when Chan says softly, “We have to shower angel.” With a sigh you tell him to carry you to the bathtub. Once in the bath, you got all clean, then changed into comfy clothes before spending the rest of night snuggling and watching TV.

#chan smut #skz smut #skz fluff #skz chan #skz bang chan #bang chan smut #inks 💙

[elatedmarvel]

Arms

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky learns to accept all parts of himself, even the vibranium parts. 

Word Count: 5,353

A/N: This is the longest one shot I’ve ever written, and it took me like a month. (I’m very slow lol). In keeping with BLM and inclusion, please let me know if you feel the reader is described a certain way that is not encompassing of all. I’ve tried my best, but I’m only human and editing is hard. Hope you enjoy!

He remembers when he first woke up with it. 

He could have sworn that he was dead, and he was in hell. All he could feel was pain everywhere, but specifically in his left arm. Pain he had never felt before and now he thinks he’ll feel forever. His parents always joked him that he would go to hell if he didn’t stop flirting with every skirt he saw, and now he wishes he could tell them they were right. 

Voices float above him, but he can’t make out what they’re saying, everything sounds garbled and distorted to his ears. 

It takes a moment for him to realize that the men are speaking in a different language. 

Blinding white lights greet him as he opens his eyes and squints against the harshness. Silhouettes of shapes is all his brain can comprehend, and he blinks a few more times before he is able to actually see.

The dingy room has seen better days. The walls are lined with tile, with mildew and mold in between them. It’s dark everywhere else, except the bright light that shines down on him. 

It’s hard for him to move his head side to side, let alone move the rest of his body, but he tries to wiggle his toes and fingers. 

A metal appendage lays at his left side.

He stares at the foreign object, trying to make sense of the fact that he can feel his left arm, but what he sees is not the limb he remembers.

His brain commands him to lift it, to see if this was real. When it not only moves where he wanted, but he can see his fingers wiggling, he realizes that this is worse than hell. 

He runs his right hand up the entire metal limb, and he can feel the dull sensation. His panic increases the higher he can feel metal. He gets to the edge of his chest before he feels flesh and bone again. 

Gasping, he claws at where the foreign object meets his chest, trying to get it off of him. The more awake he becomes, the more pain radiates from the arm, like his body was rejecting it. 

His sudden movements and noises of pain alert the men in white coats around him. He’s sure his eyes are frantic; he must look like a caged and frightened animal. 

They rush to him, trying to undo the damage he has clawed in.

When they get close enough, he grabs them both by the neck, trying to protect himself. This only causes them to start shouting and the doors burst open.

It’s hard for him to process what is happening, all he feels is adrenaline pumping through his body, and it reacts accordingly.

He can feel the pop of the bones before he hears the sickening crunch. If he was more aware of what was happening, he’s sure he would have thrown up.  

The man he grabbed with his left hand falls to the floor in a heap, unmoving.

In all his time serving with the howling commandos, he’s killed a few people, but never as intimately. He could just pull a trigger, throw a grenade, or stab someone. He’s never had to look them in the eye, and feel the life drain out of him. 

Sweat and fear pour out of his pores now, he didn’t mean to. His hand moved faster than he could react. 

Not his hand, the weapon attached to him now. 

The shouting only gets louder around him, but it’s muffled now. He stares in horror at the metal fingers, and the lifeless body on the floor. 

He can’t even feel when they prick him with a syringe filled with tranquilizer.

The image burns itself into his mind as everything grows dark.  

The next 10-15 years follow the same pattern. 

He wakes up slowly out of cryo. In his groggy state, he panics every time he sees the arm. He goes to claw at his chest where it is connected, but he’s eventually stopped when they realize he’s awake. 

They try to break him. 

Hydra does everything they can, any form of torture. But he’s strong. He resists every attempt, and finally they have had enough.

One day, they plop him in a metal chair and run currents through his skull. 

It takes 2 more years of this before finally he stops scratching at the arm. Before he fully loses himself.

~~~

When he finally escapes from Hydra’s grip, he hates the arm with everything in him. He tries anything he can think of to remove it from his body, short of just cutting into himself more. 

The arm only causes death and destruction. It is synonymous with Hydra and the evil he unwittingly committed. 

He still remembers how they thought they bestowed a great gift upon him, making him into the fist of Hydra. They think they saved him, but they chipped away at his soul until there was barely anything left in him. 

When Shuri was kind enough to erase the trigger words from his brain, she had offered him a new arm. One that was not tainted with the bloody memories of Hydra. 

It took him months of therapy, and many long, late night talks with Steve, Natasha, and Sam to accept the arm. He wanted to repent for the blood he has spilled, intentional or not, and he couldn’t do it with one arm. 

It was beautiful, gun metal grey with gold intertwining the plates. It reminded him of the exhibit that Steve had dragged him to at the Met. 

Kintsugi, Steve had told him. The art of repairing something with gold.

“It was never broken to begin with, just being made whole and better” Steve had said to them as they wandered around. He pretended the tears in his eyes were from the dust in the museum, and lightly punched Steve on the arm. 

~~~

You were in the ring with Sam. 

Someone new, and that scared Bucky. He had slowly built a relationship with the rest of the team in the last few months he had been at the compound, and trust didn’t come easy. Countless nights he would be invited to movies, or dinner and drinks. He turned them all down the first few weeks he had been there. It wasn’t until Sam and Steve literally dragged him to the bar that he started to open up.

You somehow got along with everyone on the team, and had won everyone over in a matter of weeks. You geeked out over the newest electronics with Tony, and tried to help Bruce with his research. Wanda and you had holed up in a room for days binging the newest season of some reality show you loved. Natasha and you had survived multiple Barre classes, something that even made Sam cry. You and Steve had even started painting to Bob Ross videos together. 

It was like there was a you-shaped gap waiting to be filled on the team. 

He watches from his sparring dummy as you tease Sam. You dance around him easily, and dodge out the way of yet another unsuccessful punch. 

His sensitive hearing picks up on Sam’s heavy breathing, but anyone could see the exacerbated rise and fall of his chest, and the buckets of sweat gleaming under the fluorescent lighting. 

You laugh as he tries to distract you with a kick and punch from opposite sides. 

“Nice try birdy” you call out as you evade him once more.

“Stay still!” Sam huffs, he hasn’t felt this out of shape since he was a chubby 13 year old with a love of cheetos and hate of exercise.

In his last effort to take you down, he swipes left and right, never giving up. You move further and further back, unsure how to handle the sudden change in tactics.

You don’t notice how close to the edge of the ring you are. 

Tony, being the dramatic shit he was, decided to build the sparring ring higher up then normal. Like a pedestal he once proclaimed. He wanted all to be able to watch.

Sam and you had forgone putting up the side ropes, wanting to get in as much sparing as possible. 

The fall was probably only a few feet of the ground, but definitely enough to sprain something, or even worse, get a concussion. 

He sees you near the edge, Sam still swinging a way. His lust for revenge prevented him from seeing you were about to fall.

Bucky leaps the 10 feet in between him and you right as your foot falls off the edge. He reaches up and puts most of your weight on his left arm, catching you before you fell to the floor, holding you for a few seconds before slowly bringing you to floor level.

He sets you down gently and almost laughs at the comical expression on your face. Eyes wide and jaw dropped, unable to comprehend what had just happened in the span of a few seconds. 

“I-I… thank you” you stuttered. Stilled flustered by the fall, but even more flustered that it was Bucky that caught you. You two had maybe exchanged 20 words total in the 2 months that you had been on the team. 

Bucky does a once over at you before nodding and walking back to the sparring dummy.

Sam watches this all with amusement, before coming down and offering to buy you ice cream to make up for the fall. 

~~~

Hit. Block. Punch. Duck. Repeat. 

Watching you take down your opponents was like watching a ballet. You were graceful, and lithe. Moving with your counterpart, they never even realized you were a threat until they were out.

Since your fall a month ago, you and Bucky have been growing closer. It was hard not to when you were so light and bright. It blinded him slightly, before he grew accustomed to the warmth he felt when he was near you. Now he never wanted to be parted from it. 

Naturally, when this mission had come up, Bucky had begged Steve to pair you with him. He knew he would only have peace of mind if he was with you at all times.

Not that you needed the help.

About a dozen men lay sprawled around you, and the last three were soon to join their colleagues on the floor. If they weren’t such vile men, he would almost feel bad for them. Being laid to waste by someone who didn’t look like she could hurt a fly. 

He registers the movement about a second too late, his mouth won’t connect to his brain and shout what he wants it to. One of the men you had already taken down lifts his head and arm, he just sees a flash of silver in the man’s palm before he sprints the length of the room. Your back is to him, and you still have 1 more attacker to take down, he takes all of your attention.

It happens in a second. You take your final shot at the henchman and then you see Bucky running to you. You feel the warmth of him as he embraces you, pulling you forward. The momentum causes you to stumble and brings you both down, you on top of him.

The ping of the bullet is thundering in the echoing, concrete room. He barely even registers the feeling before pulling out his gun and shooting the attacker. Watching for a moment to make sure he was actually dead, he looks down at you.

“Bucky” you stutter out, and he can feel your slight tremors. The whiplash must be settling in and the adrenaline wearing off, not a fun combination.

He looks you up and down, and even though he knows he blocked the bullet with his vibranium arm, he can’t help the anxiety that rises in his chest. He doesn’t see anything wrong besides the bruises and small scratches.

Meeting your eyes, it instantly takes the breath out of him. The look of pure awe spread on your face, but he can feel the admiration that is in your eyes,

It takes everything to not close the 5 inch gap to your lips and see if they are as soft as he’s imagined. 

“You ok?” he asks one more time, voice cracking from the dryness in his throat.

You nod up at him, keeping eye contact. 

Without a warning, you press your face into his neck and wrap your arms around him. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” you say profusely. You move to sit on top of him in a flash and grab his left arm. He’s powerless underneath you as you examine the shiny appendage. 

“Does it hurt?” you ask, wonder in your voice as your fingers graze the sides of his arms. He’s glad for the pain he endured when they fitted him with this new arm, he can feel the softness and warmth of your hands, almost like if it were his own flesh. 

“No” he replies, eyes locked on where you hold his wrist.

Gently, so gently he can barely feel it, you press a kiss to the slight dent where the bullet impacted. Now he swears he’s died and gone to heaven. 

There’s a lingering heat where your lips touched, maybe even burning. 

If his mouth was dry before, it’s now the desert, and he clears his throat before looking away. His face is hot, and he’s thankful for the dim lighting in the basement. 

He misses the sly smirk on your face before you get up and offer your hand to him. 

~~~

After the mission, you had gone with him to get his arm repaired. He tried to tell you that it would take a few minutes at most and you didn’t need to go with him, but you just smiled and led the way. You held his flesh hand while they fixed some wiring issues and un-dented the hand. If he squeezes your hand more often than necessary, then who would know?

One month passes and he is always at your side. He goes more often to movie nights, team dinners, and outings. There’s always a spot right by your side, and it takes only a few days for everyone to know it was reserved for a certain brunette. 

The second month rolls around and it finds him as your permanent partner. Missions for two would always be assigned to you and him. You two would spar for hours on end, touches lingering for longer than needed. If you needed to run errands, he would be right there with you. 

Month three passes in a loving haze. It’s rare to see one of you without the other. Even nights were spent in your room after you had both fallen asleep while watching Star Wars. You made him come with you to your yoga classes, and he made you go with him to cooking classes.

It’s like the sun had finally come out. The permanent scowl and dark circles were replaced with grins and smile lines. He can’t remember the last time he was as carefree as he was around you. 

It was hard to ask you out. He was nervous. What if he misread the hand holding and cuddling? Could he go back to being just your friend if it didn’t work out?

But the moment he saw you across the gym, sweaty and heaving but with a giant grin on your face as you box with Steve, he knew it would be worth it.

So here he was, your favorite flowers in hand, buttoned up shirt and nice jeans adorning his body, walking to your door to pick you up for your first date. 

In the back of his mind, he mocks himself for being so scared to ask you. Your face had lit up when he had.

Knocking on the door, he steps away and gives himself a once over. He tells himself he’s not nervous, but the erratic beating of his heart tells a different tale. 

The door opens, and there you are. A vision in your favorite dress, small smile on your face. 

All he can do is stare dumbstruck at you. While you were always gorgeous to him, the fact that you had dressed up for him makes him want to cry.

“Bucky?” you ask, waving a hand in his face and giggling. 

“You’re stunning” he says back, hand coming up to rub his neck. He suddenly

remembers the flowers when he feels the water drip on the collar of his shirt.

“These are for you” and the smile on your face grows. You take a big whiff of them

before sneezing 3 times in rapid succession. 

“Guess I got carried away” you giggle, and just like that the nerves fade. 

The drive to the restaurant he had reserved was filled with would you rathers that made you laugh so hard, you couldn’t breathe. Your impression of the stuffy waiter had him choking on his water.

Everything was going so well, he let his guard down.  

The men in ski masks that came from the kitchen to round everyone up were a shock to both of you. Instantly, people scatter, some making it out of the door in time, and others being held hostage and led to the kitchen.

You can both tell when they realize they have avengers in their midsts when the guns turn to aim at you. He flips the table to its side as you move to duck behind it. Drawing a gun from your clutch, you hand it to him. Bucky was always the better shot. And you arm yourself with a widow bites and click the button on your Stark Watch 3 times in rapid succession. 

He hears the panic in their voices as they radio to each other. Obviously, they were not expecting any resistance, let alone 2 highly trained agents.

You look at him, and he knows exactly what you have in mind.

The moment you leap sideways and engage, he pops over the table and aims at anyone with a gun. You move quickly and gracefully around those that were foolish enough to actually engage you. He takes down as many as possible with the gun, and when the clip runs out, he engages the targets closest to you. 

Soon there is only 1 left, shaking and yelling at you both to back up. Bucky is pretty sure he’s new, the tremor in his voice and hands gives him away. It wouldn’t be that difficult to take him out.  

Bucky joins your side, and you both approach hesitantly, not wanting to spook him. 

“Stay back” he yells. Bucky sees the glint of green before the man fully pulls out the grenade. His heart sinks into his stomach.  

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” Bucky states, already wedging himself between you and the man. He calculates if there was anyway to get you out of the building. 

“Just stay calm, we’re not going to hurt you.” You say, laying the widow bites at your feet. Bucky does the same with his empty gun. 

His wild eyes keep glancing between you and Bucky. He slowly tries to inch his way towards the man, hoping he makes it to the grenade before he throws it. 

The stand-still comes to an end when the man pulls the pin and launches the grenade in the air.

“No!” Bucky shouts, and he pulls you both under the nearest table, his body covering yours. The deafening blast goes off right as you both get under the table.  

He feels your fast breaths against his chest, and he pulls your head into the crook of his neck. Arms in a braced stance, supporting him as he tries to keep his weight off of yours. He’s pretty sure the table above them cracked with the weight of the rubble falling on it. 

He looks down to your face and sees the fear in your eyes. It was one thing to be shot at, but another to be buried alive.  

“It’s gonna be ok” he whispers, and you nod. You know that Bucky would do everything he could to get you both out. Forcing yourself to take calming breaths, you knew it wouldn’t help to panic right now.   

Once he feels the dust settle, he braces himself against the broken table, trying to see if he could lift the ruble off of you both. There’s a groan as the concrete settles more firmly in place, but nothing lets up. 

The Stark watch on your wrist vibrates, and though he can’t see the screen, he knows it means the Avengers are coming. 

“Bucky” you say, voice trembling. It brings him back to the conversation you had about your biggest fears. Being buried alive was at the top of the list after falling into a pit when you were 7 years old. 

“It’s going to be ok” he tries to reassure, but the fear in your eyes has him trying to break you out. 

Slowly, he shifts his weight to his right arm, and braces the broken table with his left. Putting all his weight behind the vibranium arm, he pushes up. He’s not sure if the groans are from him or the concrete slabs, but he feels something pop and then shift above him. 

Suddenly, the weight feels lighter and he can hear the concrete falling. Hope bursts in his chest as more light floods into the burrow and space starts to expand.

Moving his knees and feet, he gets into a crouched position to give himself more power as the rubble starts to fall away. 

Your voice and encouragement gives him a surge of energy and he finds himself standing in the dusty opening of what used to be a restaurant. 

“Y/n!” he calls as he moves back down and cradles you in his arms, lifting you on top of the pile of rubble. 

“Bucky that was incredible!” you shout as he comes to join you and helps you down. Your arms come around his neck and before he knows it, he feels your lips against his. It takes a second for his brain to compute, and by the time he realizes that it was a kiss, you had already pulled away. 

“Thank you!” you shout again with glee as he chuckles. 

He tries to move in and capture your lips again, but the moment is ruined when a certain blonde super soldier clears his throat.

You both pull away, faces warm, to see the captain dragging to handcuffed criminals out of the wreckage. 

“Glad to see you’re both alive.” Steve states smugly, shooting Bucky a not so subtle wink.

“It’s all thanks to Bucky and his amazing arm.” you tell him brightly, pressing a kiss to the vibranium bicep before jumping into to help apprehend the rest of the men. 

Steve had never seen Bucky turn that shade of red before, and lets out a laugh as he escorted the men out of the restaurant and into the cars waiting outside. 

~~~

You’re not sure what triggers it.

One moment you're laying on the couch with your head in Bucky’s lap, content and happy while watching a movie. You’re half awake, no idea what’s going on in the movie, instead paying attention to the way Bucky’s fingers glide through your hair.

It happens suddenly, and you jump up. 

You pace for a moment, before breathing is hard, and the world starts to get blurry. A cold sweat breaks out all over your body and you swear you could throw up at any moment.

Lowering yourself onto the floor, you put your head between your legs and slowly start to rock. Blood rushes to your head, and all you can hear is the loud thumping of your erratic heart. 

Everything is reduced to the few inches in front of your face, you almost don’t notice the cool hand on your forehead, pushing away hairs and trying to soothe you.

You focus on the cold hand moving from your head to the back of your neck, and then going down to stroke and pat your back, before starting the cycle all over again. 

Bucky.

Slowly, you start to break through the surface. 

It takes a few moments, but you start to hear his voice calling to you, and you want to follow the warm sound. 

He moves your hand now to his chest, the gentle up and down continuing to bring you back, and it registers that he wants you to follow his breath pattern.

The first few are too shallow, the next few are too fast, but soon you match his calm in-and-out to a tee. 

Your name, smooth and gentle in his voice, finally reaches your ears. You listen as he tells you how great you are at matching his breathing. He switches between compliments, random, one sided small talk, and humming. 

The heat from his embrace and the coolness from his left arm creates a cocoon of warmth and safety, making you lose sense of time. The cramping from your legs is the only indicator that a significant amount of time has passed.

Sluggishly, you lift your head from Bucky’s chest and look up at his face. Intense blue eyes stare back at you, it’s not hard to tell that he’s trying to stay calm, but the slight worry in his eyes wasn’t hard to pick up on. 

Laying your head back on his chest, you feel his arms start to slide under you. Soon enough, you’re lifted up and he’s walking to what you assume would be your room. 

You close your eyes, when he doesn’t take the right to go down to your room, but continues straight into his wing. 

“Thanks Bucky” you mumble as he sets you on his bed and gets in himself.

Face to face, you use your finger to trace the slope of his nose and the edge of his jaw before bringing your finger to outline his lips.

Pressing a small kiss to the tip of your finger, he smiles before leaning in kissing your forehead. 

“I love you, doll.”

“Love you too.”

~~~

He can feel the drool on his face as he comes too. His face squished into the pillow underneath him, so hard, he’s sure he’ll have indents in his face.

One arm slung around a sleeping you, he breathes in, slowly waking up. Moving his arms, he can feel the soreness that settles in after a good night's sleep. 

A small sniffle from the nightstand catches his attention, and he realizes why he woke up. 

Gently, he crawls out of bed, and tucks in the remaining comforter around you, and grabs the device from the nightstand. He hopes you can get a little extra sleep, he’s pretty sure he fell asleep long before you got into bed. 

Bare feet meet carpet as he paddles down the hallway, a short walk to his destination. He waits outside of the door for a moment, listening for movement in the room. When he hears shuffling, and another small screech, he opens the door.

Against the adjacent lilac wall, a white crib is placed. A sleep dischevaled baby stands, clinging to the bars, blowing spit bubbles and babbling to herself.

As soon as she sees Bucky, her arms extend towards him and makes whining noises.

“Hey baby” he chuckles as he steps fully into the room, and picks her up, nervous that she’ll start screaming if he doesn’t.

“How did you sleep?” he asks, patting her back, and checking to see if she needed a diaper change.

The raspberry she blows answers the question.

Gently and efficiently, he sets about changing her diaper, talking to her all the while.

When he sets her upright to try and find a new outfit, preferably one that doesn’t have stains but the options are slim, she squeals again.

Quickly, he picks her up and sways her against his chest.

“Shh shhh shhh, don’t wake up mommy, you kept her up half the night.” Bucky implores. She tilts her head up at the sound of his voice, her eyes slightly wet and he knows she can’t help it. 

Rebecca was a good baby, usually did not fuss, ate like a champ, and slept well. But lately, she had been colickly. 

It had panicked Bucky at first, thinking she was sick or he was doing something wrong. You had quelled his fears by showing him the small bump on her gums, signalling that she was teething. 

Switching his right arm for her support, he brings a vibranium finger up to her mouth. Immediately, she latches on to the finger. 

He can feel the nubs of teeth about to break through the surface, and lets her chew on his cool finger for relief. 

It had started as a joke one day when the teething ring had melted and Becca still wouldn’t stop crying. In your half groggy state, you had stuck one of Bucky’s vibranium fingers in her mouth to let her chew on while you grabbed something else, he couldn’t quite feel the pain the same way his flesh fingers could. But, once Bucky’s finger was in her mouth, Becca happily chewed on it until she fell asleep. 

It was well known now that wherever Bucky was, Becca followed, gnawing on his fingers. 

“Does that feel better Becca?” she couldn’t even spare a second to look at her father, too busy drooling all over his hand.

With Becca in tow, he sits down in the rocking chair, hoping that he could get her to fall back asleep.

Holding her close, he hums some forget tune and rubs her back, moving them back and forth slightly.

The rigid dark grey was such a contrast to the soft baby skin around it, it startles Bucky sometimes.

The same arm that killed people and caused so much destruction was the same arm that his baby daughter used as a teething toy. She would never fear it, or see it as anything other than a part of him. 

He’s unfamiliar with the emotion that bubbles up in his chest and the tears that build up. Sniffling himself, he presses a kiss to her downy soft head, and cradles her underneath his chin.  

“You know, if it hurts that much, you can take it out of her mouth.” you say, startling him slightly. 

Padding into the room, you perch yourself on the armrest of the rocking chair and tuck your feet under his legs. You reach a head out to caress Becca’s perfect cheek, brushing away a few tears with your thumb, as her eyelids start to droop. 

“What are you doing up?” Bucky’s gravely voice cuts through the silence a few moments later. 

“I had a feeling you were getting sappy with her again” you tease. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by without Bucky marveling or crying about Becky in the short 7 months of her life. 

“I can’t help it, she’s perfect.” he whispers back, getting choked up again. 

“Oh babe” you coo at him. Dropping to sit in his lap, you place your head on his chest, just above Becca, and wrap your arms around him. 

He sits there for a while longer, slowly rocking back and forth. Every once in a while, Becca will snuffle and snore in her sleep and you both chuckle at the cute noises. 

Sitting there, arms wrapped around the loves of his life, he feels calm. 

He can feel your breathing start to even out as you follow Becca’s lead to slumber. 

It still amazes him how much you both trust him. Never looked at the thing that made him a killer with anything but love, and never treated him with any differently. 

There will always be scars, physical and emotional, but slowly falling asleep in his baby daughter's room, he knows everything will be ok. He’s not afraid anymore.

~~~

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