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#and this was before we started dating but yeah
tradingsunset · 26 days ago
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mhm. i’m trying to write my degree dissertation and like i know i have a point but it all feels so derivative.
i guess i’ll just email my advisor and nervously wait for her to tell me what needs fixing. which might be everything!
#anatxt#at some points i get the feeling that i should not tear into reagan so much bu then it hits me. it’s what he deserves#objectivity? hell yes he was objectively a terrible person!#koch too#and don’t even get me started on the evangelicals#ok march 25 edit because i need to vent but also don’t want to write this anywhere where i might actually see it again so it’s going here.#i just had a panic attack because i sent her an email this afternoon with part of my dissertation and asking for feedback#and she answered that she had written days ago to tell us (me and the other people she advises) that she had conferences and shit to attend#this week and that she would not be able to actually get through anything. and then she went on like she thought she’d been clear about how#we should all respect each other and that maybe in the future i should do like my peers and actually schedule check in dates#and she’s not wring about that! but she also never made it mandatory and more importantly i Never got any of those messages because if i had#i would obviously have done things differently because i’m not a dick#so i wrote back a couple paragraphs saying that you know actually i Have Been checking and checked again before responding and#i never got those messages!! but then i groveled and was like yeah of course i understood that she could not give me feedback and that i’d#try to set things up with more anticipation next time. and that i really appreciated all she does for us#and then i apologized again for the inconvenience and kept crying for a bit#because i’ve been running myself ragged for weeks and of course i understand that she has a lot of shit to do but i really just couldn’t#deal with that passive aggressive politeness. and at the same time i do feel that i did well by pointing to her that you know i’m sorry#about this but either i never got those messages or you never sent them to me so#on top of the fact that i just got a letter informing me that the doctor’s appt that i had last November that got postponed to april is#being postponed again. which i get but i’m just so fucking tired#god i just want to sleep for five months
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elainemorisi · a month ago
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urg, I could take or leave romance and definitely take or leave sex, but I’d really like to live with an adult who would like, decorate the mantlepiece and do landscaping with me
#and mutually commit to doing that indefinitely is why it's not just 'roommate' to be clear#I've said it before but not recently#the relationship I actively want is 'companion'#ambiguity fuckin' included in that term#which is what's now missing from it / why it is not a usable term in modern understanding#like I do not CARE if it's romantic or not#not in favor not opposed#doesn't MATTER#yeah yeah any specific person obviously it'd cease to be ambiguous that's not the ambiguity I'm whining about#I mean it's apparently a fucking incomprehensible idea that what I am looking for is entirely unrelated in EITHER direction#which makes it damn difficult to act on that looking let me tell you#(because I actively don't want a thing that starts as a traditional romantic relationship because sex + dating both no sir for a long time)#(but friendship as we know is not given the sort of weight necessary to hold this as a possibility until it's already happened#vs how dating is capable of containing the potential for marriage/whatever without committing to it before it should)#queerplatonic IS the closest term in modern language#(or it was ten years ago I'm not sure if it's been entirely subsumed by the 'you have bastardized that right back into normative' crowd yet)#but a) qp has to some extent been bastardized into both 'normal friendship' and 'romance but I'm not calling it that for some reason'#and b) even the unbastardized version takes a stance on romance#hey useful tagrant though I think I did put my finger on it there#it's not that 'what are you saying friendship is inadequate friendship is gr8!'#no shit#it's that friendships are not capable of handling POTENTIAL#they just have to flail and get lucky and never talk about it and it's weird as shit!
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