#and we should follow their lead and be as passionate about the shit we like!

[stvrn-tr1ps]

”i bet you don’t know french.”

pairing: stoner!chris x female!reader

warnings: SMUT!!!!, sm0king/w33d, usage of pet names (ma, pretty girl, sweetheart, ect.) mentions of alcohol, p in v, dominantish chris, light ch0king, aftercare, umm i think thats it?!?! minors dni or do idc (lmk if i missed smth, first time writing smut don’t come 4 me)

summary: chris confesses his love for y/n in french not knowing she could understand him.

if you don’t like it don’t read it‼️‼️‼️

i was never the type to smoke or drink until i met chris. the first time i smoked w33d i was with chris. the first time a drank i was with chris. i never really stopped so we smoke together all the time. speaking of im on my way to his apartment right now.

i knocked on the door for to be opened to chris standing there already smoking a blunt. “hey ma. how have you been?” he asks as he steps aside to let me in. “good.” i say with a soft smile as i go in to hug chris. “thats good. come on lets go on the balcony.” he motions for me to follow him and i do. once we get out there he hands me the blunt that he was already smoking. “can you do a french inhale?” i ask. I’ve always sucked ay doing them and was curious to see if chris could.

“yea let me see it.” he says pointing towards the blunt. like he said he could, he did a near flawless french inhale. i laughed and rolled my eyes. “whatever i bet you don’t speak any french.” i figured he didn’t he was never the schooling type like i was. i took french in high school. “je t'aime ton prénom, je l'ai toujours aimé.” (i love you y/n, i always have.) (if this is wrong don’t come after me i got ts from google translate😭) he said in immediate response. i jerk my head back in shock. he loves me? “holyy shit was does that mean?” i say playing dumb i know exactly what he just said. his eyes go wide “oh uhh it means, do you wanna have lunch tomorrow” he said almost like a question like he couldn’t convince himself thats what he just said.

“damn i was not expecting you to know french.” i said laughing it off. he gave me a tight smile in response. “i had a lot of fun today chris. i’ve missed hanging out with you all the time.” he sighed “me to y/n. we should hang again tomorrow?” he said like it was half statement half question. “yeah sure see you tomorrow chris” “see ya ma.” he said as he shut and locked his apartment door behind me.

its now around 12:30am and ever since i left chris’ apartment yesterday i haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said. “i love you y/n i always have.” what.the.fuck. what do i do? i mean he’s my best friend and has been since like 7th grade. before i can stop myself my phone is in my hand and im calling chris. “hello? y/n is everything okay? its 12:35 in the fucking morning.” he answers. you can tell i woke him uo his voice is deep and raspy. “i-i’m sorry chris. i know this is random but can i come over like right now?” he pauses and for a second i thought he hung up but i can hear him exhale over the phone. i shake my head and smile to myself, kid already lit a blunt. “i mean yeah sure. is everything okay?” i exhale a breath i didn’t even know i was holding. “okay thanks i’ll be there in 15 bye!” before he can say bye back the phone is hung up and i’m out of the door.

once i get to chris’ apartment i freeze before knocking. im so nervous but i do it anyway. he answers the door. chris is shirtless with gray sweatpants hanging dangerously low to his waist and a blunt between his fingers. “y/n are you okay? why are you here? not that i don’t want you here it just-“ before he can continue his sentence any longer i smash my lips into his. the kiss is deep and passionate. bye the time we release each others lips we’re gasping for breath. “when you said you loved me in french today, i understood.” he just shakes his head and laughs as he tosses me over his shoulder leading us to his bedroom. “you have no idea how long ive wanted this y/n.” he says just above a whisper.

he tossed me onto his bed and hovers over me. he goes in for another kiss. this one isn’t like the first this one is rough and dominating. as he works his tongue he reaches for the hem of my shirt. “take this off, yeah?” he asks. i smile and shake my head knowing i have no bra on underneath. i pull my shirt off and he lets out a groan. “so fucking beautiful y/n.” he says and he kneads one of my boobs. “and their all fucking mine.” he says grabbing the other. he lets go of one of my breasts and wraps his veiny hand around my neck. “say it y/n who does your body belong to? who do you belong to?” i let out a small whimper “y-you all you chris.” he smirks with satisfaction and amusement. “good girl, ma. such a good girl.” he praises. to this i let out a moan and start to grind my hips against him for some kind of friction. “ah ah y/n. be patient i’ll give you what you want pretty girl.” another whimper escapes my lips. “such a whiny girl. why don’t i fuck that whininess out of you, yeah?” i bob my head up and down at the speed of light in the hopes he will work faster.

he laughs and shakes his head. he slides off my sweats and underwear throwing them somewhere in the room. he smirks in amusement when he sees my pussy. “already so wet for what ma? i’ve barley started pretty girl.” he teases “please” i whine. “please what baby? i need words.” i’m breathless and i have no idea why. “please please fuck me chris please.” before i can get another word out he slams into me almost taking my breath away. “chris!” i moaned out. my nails are digging into his back probably drawing blood. “thats it baby. scratch me up, mark me.” “chris please! oh my god!” i moan and sputter out as he continues to thrust into me ruthlessly. “your so fucking tight y/n.” after a few more thrust im about to come. “come for me ma make a mess all over my dick.” his words send me over the edge and im quickly coming.

chris gets up from the bed. “be right back sweetheart.” he says and next thing i know i feel something against my pussy. i whimper. “still sensitive, no more.” he chuckles. “no baby im just cleaning you up.” i nod in response and close my eyes. im almost asleep when i feel the bed dip next to me. “g’night chris. “goodnight sweet girl.

AN: ... i’ve never written smut b4 don’t attack me. SORRY BEING INACTIVE.

#nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher owen sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #nicolas antonio sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo fanfic #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo fluff

[cranberryjuice-posts]

The night we met

Pairings - Abby Anderson X Fem! Reader

Tw- heavy gut wrenching angst

An: I actually cried while writing this bro 😭

You had known Abby since you both were 16. After going on a patrol as a way to show your loyalty to Issac even though you weren’t much of a solider.

You had managed to find a group of three kids your age, you soon came to find out was Abby Owen and Mel. On the way back to the base you learned Abby and Owen were together, you had realized early on you really only liked women. And you could of sworn Abby was staring at you how she should of with owen.

After some months Abby cleared the floor in the solider training. You were shocked but didn’t complain as you got to drop out of the route and focused more on a different area like Mel. You were the first person to find out about Abby’s break up and you were the first to reassure her in her decision.

A couple years passed since then, you had managed one night some months after you and Abby turned 19, confessing your longtime crush on the girl in which she admitted she liked you since the first time you met. After a passionate night you two became official.

—

Everyone swore you two were soulmates. Rare arguments and the constant love and affection you two showed was perfect. Always in Abby’s arms- that was home to you.

You had managed to convince Abby to move into an apartment with you, the topic of marriage had even circled in the air.

In love.. that’s what you two were and nothing could change that. Abby had all of you and you had all of her and it would be like that forever.

—

Laying in bed together you were curled up to Abby, both of you nude from having an intimate night.

“Babe” you whispered and kissed her collarbone. “Hmm?” Was the response you got.

Shifting around you got on-top of Abby and looked down at her beautiful face. “Let’s get married.. me and you” Abby’s eyes widened and she grabbed your hips rubbing them softly.

“Are You Sure..” she whispered.

“More than anything” You bent down and kissed her. Abby smiled wide- she pulled you off of her and moved to be over you. She started to sensually kissing you again. “You’d be stupid to think I would say no… now then y/n Anderson you want to go for another round” she grinned and you laughed resting your foreheads against each-other.

—

Abby had been assigned a difficult assignment and stupidly you begged to go not wanting to be away from your new wife.

Sitting in the bed of the truck you two happily held eachother ignoring the teasing comments coming from the others.

After reaching a stopping point for the night and setting up in an abandoned school Abby dragged you to the roof to see the stars.

“That one is the Big Dipper” you whispered and pointed at the beautiful sky. Abby’s hands were all over you trying to show you how much she loved you.

“Oh yeah” Abby asked and kissed you neck. “And what about that one” she pointed.

“Hmm.. i believe that’s Jupiter” a satisfied sigh left your mouth and you laughed as Abby kissed your cheek.

“Shit.. my wife is so smart” she grinned and groaned dramatically. “I’ll never get tried or saying my wife”

You looked back at her. “Good I’d hate for you to get bored” you teased and kissed her. “I love you”

“I love you to mrs. Anderson”

That’s another thing Abby loved to call you. She would never get over you offically having her last name.

—

The following day the group arrived at the designated location.

Abby of-course partnered up with you- leading you into the nature infested city. You two held hands while moving around searching for whatever it was Issac wanted.

You just had to beg Abby to let you go into that bookstore however.

“Common Just five more minutes” You laughed as Abby complained about the moldy store.

“Baby Theres hundreds of books at the base everthing here is probably ruined, if we leave now I’ll let you take some books from my collection” she bargained but you just shook your head and bent down to open a box. After finding nothing you opened a metal door in the back.

It was almost split second before Abby realized a clicker had pinned you to the ground. She immediately shot it and helped throw the corpse off of you. Standing up you panted anxiously. “Baby Baby hey look at me” Abby grabbed your face and made you look at her, the echo and anxiety of the bullet shot to the former scene passed. “There are more coming I can hear them we need to go now”

She dragged your arm towards the back door of the shop to leave through the entrance but you stopped a few steps before the door.

“Y/n” she turned around and saw your horrified face.. “common we need t—“

“Abigail” you spoke in a tone Abby didn’t like. “I love you ok..”

Abby looked at you confused “babe what are y-“

You continued to innerupted her “your gonna leave and your gonna continue to live life Abby”

“Y/n talk to me what’s..” that’s when Abby saw it.. a bleeding bite mark in your neck. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before you turned. “No no no no” she panicked “your ok you hear me!” She grabbed your shoulders and tried to hide her tears.

“Abby—“

“No! You gonna be fine ok I bet the bite didn’t even-“

“Abby!” You screamed finally grabbing her attention, the noise of approaching infected grew louder. You started to cry and kissed her before desperately holding her face. “Go.. Please”

Abby refused however, “I’m not leaving you I’d rather kill myself than leave you” she held onto you but you pushed her back. “Don’t say that” you begged.

“Abby your gonna be fine” you cried. “Your gonna find love and you’ll move on trust me” you tried to comfort her but she just shook her head crying. The infected banging on the nearby door.

You kissed Abby one last time before shoving her out the door and locking it. Abby stumbled back and realized the pistol at her side was gone. She started to slam on the door.

“Y/n open the fucking door!” She screamed trying to break the door open. “Goddamnit don’t do it! Open the door right n—“

BANG

..

…

Abby finally got the door open and saw your body just laying there.. she looked down choking back her vomit and tears. Dropping to her knees she held your face angrily crying, she rested her forehead to yours and sobbed not wanting to leave you praying this was some sick nightmare or prank.

The infected almost had the door open. In a final attempt Abby grabbed wedding ring, necklace, the lucky hair tie you wore and her pistol. She took one last look at you before leaving the book shop.

——

She had eventually came back, refusing to leave your body.

Manny held back some tears as he say Abby carry out your now mutilated body from the infection and the infected eating you.. he barley recognize you and Abby fought back the urge to breakdown.

No one said anything.. no one dared to even speak or look to Abby. She just held your body while silently crying.

There was a funeral, your final resting place was near the shore of your favorite lake.. not many knew of this place but Abby and you.

Your tomb stone just read

Here lies Y/n Anderson

A loving wife

Friend

Daughter and lover

Passed away at the age of 20

May she Rest in Peace

——

Abby sat in the empty apartment. One that once had happy laughter and the sound of love echoing through it. She sat on the floor studying your wedding ring sighing as she remembered the dumb memory of how you had made her wait an extra hour inside the jewelry store in hopes of finding a matching ring to yours. Now she wished she hadn’t had all those stupid arguments. Now Abby wished she gave you everything you asked for.

She started to cry once again remembering how you had asked her about adopting a baby from the nursery that had unwanted children and starting a family. At first she was reluctant but now she had wished she said yes.

She tried to move on. Moving back in with manny, going on more and more assignments, focusing more time in the gym, wearing your ring necklace and hair tie but nothing helped

Nothing else matter. She had lost the one person who actually knew her.. she had all and then most of you Some and now none of you..

That was it.. and that was how it would be

BALLER‼️‼️

#Spotify #lesbian #wlw #abby anderson x reader #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby anderson #abby tlou #abby anderson angst #tlou #tlou angst #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #angst

[prettynice8]

Kinkmas Day 5: Degradation

Pairings: Dabi x male reader

This guy

Warnings: kissing, swearing, begging, pretty mean Dabi, sex, anal, little foreplay, creampie, Degradation DUH

Word count: 1137

You were never really a part of The League of Villains; you just like to hang out at the base because the people are fun, and hot so that helps. You don't really feel either way about heroes too strongly. Right back to the hot thing, take your pick, you would fuck Twice, Dabi, Shigaraki, or Compress. On the other hand maybe you should be here.

You were just walking along the hallways until you happened to bump into crispy bacon himself, Dabi.

"Watch where you're going dumbass." He sneered coldly.

"You're the one who bumped into me" You replied, much more calmly than him because it really isn't that big of a deal.

"Bull shit." He exclaimed, still quite angry for no reason.

"Whatever." You said, done with his weird hyper masculinity thing. You try to walk right by him, but he stops you by holding tightly onto your arm and pushes you into the wall, his arms blocking both directions.

"Pinning me to the wall, cliche much." You said sassily. "I mean we might as well be in the omega verse with how fan fiction that was." His anger grew to a cartoony amount after your comment. He puts a harsh grip on your shoulders as he looks down at you, being much larger.

"The fuck does that even mean?" He asked coldly.

"It's like wolf people but also not because they are human but also absolutely but also not at all but also like they have heat cycles and sometimes ears and a tail but not always and sometimes it's used for already existing fandoms. It's weird as fuck but when done right it is pretty hot." You answered(?), your face remaining straight the whole time while his contorts into one of confusion.

It's dead silent for a while until you hear Dabi burst out into laughter. You follow suit, realizing how fucking crazy fan fiction can be sometimes. During his outburst he lets go of you, though one arm remains on your shoulder for support, you do the same with him, though it looks a lot goofier on your end sense he is so much taller than you.

"You're fucking with me." He said, his laughter dying off. Before you can even think you replied with,

"I wish." Your face goes blank, realizing what you just said. You look at Dabi for his response and... he burst out laughing once again, and you follow up. Once you're sure he thought this whole thing was a joke he picks you up and flings you over his shoulder.

Your face is stunned, and you don't know how to react, I mean you could kick and scream, but you honestly don't care that much in which to put that much energy into that, also your kind of sort of but not really crush has you potato sacked so like fun.

"You wouldn't do anything, you fucking skank." He degraded, then spanked your ass.

He leads you to his room and plops you right on to his bed. He takes his shirt off, revealing his muscular abs. He lays down on top of you and begins to kiss you, in which you immediately return.

The kiss gets passionate very quickly, his tongue already exploring your mouth. He knows how easily and quickly you give, though he's still going to give you shit for it.

"Fucking bitch in heat, I can already feel your pre though your pants." He said, he puts his knee on your crotch, rubbing it on your clothed dick, making you have short little moans of pleasure, but you still need more.

"I bet you want the real deal, wanting the dick of someone you hardly know." He said.

"Come on Dabi, we know each other enough." You joked, a cheeky smile on your face. He shuts you up by tearing off your clothes, within an instant leaving you completely naked.

He sucks on your erect nipples, licking and biting the left one while simultaneously rubbing the other. Your moans are getting louder now, but your lower body still craves more attention.

"Please start now Dabi, dear god I can't take it." You begged.

"Slut, I bet you've done this with every guy here." He said, the very thought he put into his head made him angry. "Bitch"

Though he still answers your prayers, putting his fingers into your ass. You moan loudly though it doesn't last very long though because right after he takes his pants off.

His large schlong is big but mainly girthy, and the kinky bastard has some burned off skin stapled to it.

"Jesus fucking Christ how painful was that?" You asked, needing this question to be answered. He laughs,

"Dear god you have no idea." He answered, you answer by kissing him.

"Poor baby," you said, mostly genuine, he's surprised by your response and replies himself by putting his dick up your ass.

It takes a while for him to get all the way due to your tight ass and his girthy cock. You just want it to be over, it's pretty painful. He kisses you to calm you down, which does work. When he's finally all the way in he slowly pumps his hips into you.

His pace is awfully slow, and his movements are quite gentle. He stays at this pace for a long period of time, until finally speeding up. Your noises get louder almost instantly after his speed increases.

"You would like that wouldn't you. I bet a little whore like you likes it rough." He said, his degradation is getting more and more aggressive. You're beginning to like it degrading more as well, did you just discover a new kink, crazy.

His thrusts are quite uncontrolled but fast, almost like he hasn't had much experience. It probably would be hard to find someone because not only is he a super villain, but he also has horrible burn scars all over him.

He puts your legs up into a mating press, making you officially a moaning mess. In which he also lifts your ass up enough for him to spank you sharply.

"I knew you liked it rough, fucking bitch." He said.

Climax is on the brink, building and building until... he stops. Anger and confusion are evident on your face, you're about to scream at him when,

"Wanna cum, then beg slut." He stated, movements still completely still as you writhe under him, wanting to chase your release.

"Please, Dear God Dabi please, I need your hot cum inside me." You begged.

That's all he needs to rapidly thrust in you again, you cum all over yours and his chest. He follows suit, filling you up. Right after he falls asleep, you do the same quickly after, his breath lulling you to rest.

THE END

#x reader #x male reader #x reader smut #x male reader smut #reader #male reader #reader smut #male reader smut #anime x reader #anime x male reader #anime x reader smut #anime x male reader smut #Dabi #Dabi smut #mha smut #mha #mha x reader #mha x reader smut #mha x male reader #mha x male reader smut #dabi x male reader #dabi x reader #dabi x reader smut #dabi x male reader smut

[daughterofcain-67]

🅦hαt 🅞ncє 🅦αs 🅜ínє

(Dean Winchester x Reader)

(Part 2) (Part 3)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You and Dean have been close for the past couple of years but you have hunting with them for the past few. You notice that he has seemed off when he came back from Purgatory and all you wanted to do was help. After an argument breaks out- you leave for about a year with a secret you can’t afford to tell.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: some spoilers - some may be MAJOR spoilers, read at your own risk (seasons 6-8, I believe: MAY NOT BE ACCURATE), a brief mention of a night of intimacy but no graphic detail. This story does not follow along with any specific episode

Your heart raced with adrenaline from the last hunt you were on with the Winchester brothers. It was a tough one too and it didn't help that you had been worried about Dean the entire time. You had been with the Winchesters for the past three years. However, there was a shift between the two of you ever since he came back from Purgatory.

You noticed that he had become lost in a way - especially since Cass was gone. You knew that Purgatory was almost like a Hell for Dean since he seemed to feel a sort of guilt. But he wouldn't talk to you about it and you couldn't read his mind. You felt like you were drifting apart.

You remembered the night that Dean finally came back. You knew that Sam had moved on and tried to make a life for himself. But you couldn't move on so easily. You knew at the time he had just moved on from Lisa, then the job got busier and busier with the Leviathan. Then the next thing you knew he was in Purgatory for so long and you never got to tell him how you truly felt.

At least, not until the night that he finally came back.

You remembered the way he looked all roughed up after he came back. How handsome he was, but maybe it was just because you were just so glad that he was back. One thing lead to another and you ended up spending a passionate night together and it was a night you could never forget.

Even if at this moment you were trying so hard not to, especially considering the current circumstances you were in personally. For the past several weeks you were carrying Dean's child. You didn't know how to tell him and a part of you knew he couldn't handle it with everything going on.

"Dean, what the hell is going on with you? I know you went through a lot of crap in Purgatory, and I know you must be missing Cass a hell of a lot right now. We all do! But if you can't get your head on straight or at least talk to somebody, you might end up getting yourself killed one day because you can't focus!" You tried your best to explain.

"Don't act like you know how the hell I handle what's in my head, Y/N." He stated with a growl. "You don't know half the shit I've been through. You weren't there when I was in Hell. You weren't there when Lucifer took over Sam's mind. I know what I'm doing so why don't you stay the hell out of it!?"

"I can't stay out of it because I care about you! Sam cares about you! You know if Cass were here, he'd-"

"Don't you dare bring him up. You know, I should have just listened to Sam when you first came onto the scene." He said and rolled his eyes before he poured himself another glass of whisky.

"Listened to Sam? What was it that he said? Dean, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're nothing but a liability! You do nothing but get in the way! We should have never brought you on that very first hunt!" His words broke you to pieces. How long had he felt this way towards you? And everything you went through, did all of this mean nothing to him? You had done your best to be there for him and he just thought you were in the way the whole time?

You saw the instant regret on Dean's face after he said what he did but it was too late. You looked away from him and your eyes started to burn with tears that were starting to form

"Y/N, wait, I didn't mean-"

"Forget it, Dean. You want me gone, then I'll leave. I won't be in your way. You want to self destruct, fine. You have Sam to worry about you."

Then you packed your bags and left.

*************************************************

All of that happened about a year ago.

For a year you went through a pregnancy and a birth alone. You didn't have all of the answers. You didn't know how the hell you were supposed to take care of your little girl on your own. But you were doing everything you could by taking it one day at a time. That was all you could really do at this point.

Throughout the pregnancy you were working at a Walgreen's and you were living in a small apartment and trying your best to get by. You were doing well for the most part though. Better than living on the road and hopping from one hotel room to another.

Luckily, tonight you were able to have your day off. So you spent your time with your beloved daughter, Y/C/N. She had Dean's forest-green eyes and your hair color. She was only about three months old but you wanted to protect her from everything that was out there, especially since you knew what dangers were out there. If any demon, angel or monster found out there was a little Winchester- who knew what kind of horror would be after the last piece of Dean you had.

Once you had finished giving your baby girl her bath and gotten her dress on, you noticed some lights flickering in the room. That was instantly a red flag in your mind. Of course you knew all the ins and outs of hunting and keeping your home safe because of your experience with the Winchesters. And there were some occasions when it really was just a blown fuse and there was no sulfur left behind. But you were always cautious, and understandably so.

You held the baby close as you went to your room and you watched as the lights started to flicker again. You took the can of salt on your dresser and used your free hand to open it up and you put it on your windowsills, beneath the door, anywhere to prevent demons from coming in. And even if they did, you had a rug in front of your bedroom door that had a devil's trap beneath it so it wouldn't get to you or your daughter.

Suddenly, you hear your apartment door bust open and you start hearing all kinds of commotion like a fight was happening only for a demonic cry to be heard. You covered Y/C/N's ears and held onto her and you wondered what the hell was happening out there. Soon, though, you started hearing voices.

"I think that's all of them. Let's get back so I can be ready for work at the station by Monday." Was that Jodi? What are was she doing all the way out here.

"We have to see if she's here though. Who knows what can be out there looking for her." That sounded like Castiel. When did he come back? How did he come back!? Your mind was swirling with so many questions.

You slowly got out of the bed and walked over to the door. When you opened it you saw Cass and Jodi look towards your direction and you watched Jodi's eyes light up and a smile showed on her face.

"Y/N! You're safe! It's so good to see you." She said as she walked over and that was when she saw your little bundle of joy in your arms, "And who's this precious thing?"

"Jodi, Cass! It's really good to see you guys! This is Y/C/N. She's mu daughter." You introduced.

"Daughter? When did that happen? Do you have a boyfriend here?" Jodi began to ask and you shook your head at the last question.

"No boyfriend, and I found out about a year ago, and Half Pint here is three months. I've just been here trying to lay low so nothing finds us." You explained and you could feel the angel's gaze. When you glanced over, you knew he could tell what happened. And who knew what Dean told him when he came back. If he even went to Dean that is.

"Does Dean know?" It was an inevitable, and reasonable, question that you knew was bound to come up from Castiel. He knew of your feelings for the older brother, and he knew there seemed to be something unspoken between you two for a while before he went to Purgatory. Other than that, you didn't know if Dean filled him in on anything else.

"I didn't get the chance to tell him. I left after a fight we had. Something about how he shouldn't have let me tag along on the first hunt." You felt a soft hand on your shoulder and knew that it was Jodi.

"Why don't you both come and stay with me? It'll be a lot safer that way and at least you won't be on your own. Plus you wouldn't have to worry so much about monsters coming in without backup." The sheriff said and motioned to the salt on the windowsills.

You thought about it for a few moments and looked down at your daughter who was rubbing her eyes like she was tired. You had to think of what was best for her. You knew she didn't need a mom who was stretched thin with work then having to worry about hunting. It would be great to have the help. No one said that being a single mom was easy.

"Yeah, that would be great, Jodi. I appreciate it." You nodded

~

So much had been going on since you've left and it was like Sam and Dean couldn't get a rest. After Kevin took a Word of God from Crowley and have him translate the tablets to Sam having to complete certain trials that Dean knew he shouldn't be doing anyway. And that was the current thing on the Winchesters' agenda.

Too much has been going on and Dean was already getting so tired of all of it. There seemed to be no end to it but he knew he had to stay determined through all of it at least for his brother's sake. He's pretty much left behind the idea of retiring from this gig. He tried that once and of course the Apple Pie life fell through for him.

What sucks about it is that Dean didn't have you in his back corner anymore. You weren't there to be his 'new eyes' on a situation or bring some kind of positive to a situation. You weren't there to have little drinking competitions with him, remark on crappy television with him, you weren't there to take his mind off this job he was raised in.

And pushing you away was another item on his never-ending list of regret.

But of course, with all of the things he had on his plate and having to save the world yet again, he couldn't exactly showed just how much he had been thinking about you even if you've never left Dean's mind. And Sam knew it too.

Dean was sitting at one of the tables in the Bunker since that's where he and Sam have been living. He knew if you were here you'd probably make it a little more home-y. Lately he had been focusing on the trials that Sam had to face. He passed the first one but he knew this was going to take a toll on Sam. If he could trade places than he would, but Sam could be just as stubborn as Dean sometimes.

Dean looked over at the bottle of whisky before he picked it up and poured himself another glass before he opened up his laptop to do some research outside of these books. The first trial that Sam completes was bathe in hell hound blood. The next one was saving a soul from Hell. The final was to cure a demon and that would be a whole other ball game when the time came up. One thing at a time. He wasn't sure how his brother was supposed to do the next trial but he knew that Cass said Sam's health would decrease almost at a subatomic level.

While Dean was deep in his thoughts of this trial business, his phone started to ring unexpectedly.

Dean glanced over at his phone and saw Jodi's name and picture show up on his screen. An odd surprise since it's been a while since he had heard from her but he picked up the phone wondering if something was wrong and she needed some kind of help.

"Jodi? What's up?" He asked and took a sip of his whisky before setting the glass down on the table.

"Dean? It's Y/N... we need to talk."

Thank you all for reading!

This is my 1st mini series for Dean Winchester so thank you for taking am interest in reading this! If you liked this little story please feel free to comment or like it! Especially if you’d like to see a second part to this story to see if the reader will tell Dean about their daughter in the midst of what’s going on. 🖤

Tag List:

@chriszgirl92 @wildernessflora

#dean imagine #dean winchester #jensen ackles #supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader #dean x reader #dean x you #team free will #spn

[nayatarot777]

messages from the moon • one

patreon

• pile one •

there’s a new creative idea that you have that could really lead to creating valuable content that will help other people. this new creative idea is most likely related to your logical, your communication, and your rationality (which you’re extremely good at embodying). however, you should probably get completely clear with what this new idea that you have would entail by writing down what you’re going to materialise based off of your creative vision. there’s a message to write down your ideas a lot more in general. they’re extremely valuable and you’d be surprised by the return of investment when these ideas are acted upon. also, your sweetness and kindness to others is a gift. try to spread that more through small acts of kindness throughout your days - whether that’s online or in person. and there’s also a message about crowdfunding for the sake of raising money for your creative projects - don’t be afraid to ask for support. again, you’d be surprised by how quick many people are willing to support you.

• pile two •

there are negative memories from the past that are most likely holding you back in some way, due to your unbridled focus on them. of course, what we experience will always leave an imprint onto us, but i feel like most of you in this pile have been in a drawn-out period of thinking about people in particular who you quickly learned that you had to protect yourself from. there may even be people from the past who have impacted whether or not you truly listen to yourself and whether or not you follow your passions. it’s time to make the decision to move on from this through healing from the past in some way. and i’m hearing to replace the thoughts of those who’ve doubted you and undermined you and your ambitions with the thoughts of those who’ve supported you. try to just guide your mind back to love and support that you’ve experienced in the past, instead of judgement. you’re not seeing something about your own passion and ambition, and how healing going after these things can be for you.

• pile three •

you have a very mature mind and you see the world (especially in relation to materialism and finances) extremely clearly. you may have your own opinions that are set-in-stone in which other people around you may not agree with. even though i’m seeing that there’s a lot of logic to your opinions and you can explain them thoroughly with rationality. it’s because you’ve broken free from living life in a group mindset. the people around you who dismiss your opinions may be your friends in particular. they might be a lot more immature than you (they’re just not ready to grow or better themselves yet), and that’s okay. it’s okay to just begin to make brand new connections with people who are more attuned to you. you’re not being stuck up in any way, or ‘unfair’ to anyone. you don’t have to cut these people off, but just know that you’re on a higher level than them in maturity - and don’t let that gas your head up too much. that doesn’t make you better than them, but you’re just on a whole new journey when it comes to being mature enough to see what you want to build in your life and going for it. it’s okay to not want to drink, and party, and gossip, and do shit that doesn’t serve you anymore.

#psychic readings #pick a card #pac #tarot reading #pick a photo #tarot #pac reading #pick a picture

[ohtobeleah]

Best Worst Christmas // Jake Seresin

Summary: After some life altering news. You confide in Hangman which leads you to ticking off something incredibly important on your bucket list.

Warnings: Terminal illness. Mentions of death. Dark humour. Jake Seresin x Reader. Angst & fluff—Jake being just the best version of himself.

Word Count: 4.8k

Author Note: TRUST ME TO DO THIS. Because we can’t have anything nice here. Even at Christmas time. Got this idea from Bianca’s story line from Shameless. Not your typical happy go lucky Christmas fic.

Slow motion. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. From the way Bob brought the lip of his glass of lemonade up to his mouth to hide his infectious smile to the way Bradley twirled Phoenix under his arm and pulled her into his side. Dancing to whatever song had been blaring from the jukebox. 

Slow. Slow and silent. You couldn't hear a single thing beside the high pitched ringing in your ears that sounded like just the right pitch to break the glass of the windows out front. No laughter, no music, no mundane chatter from other patrons littering the Hard Deck on this oh so average Friday afternoon. 

Except there was nothing average about being told just forty five minutes ago that you were dying. Merry Fucking Chrismas. 

“I'm sorry, Payback.” You shook your head softly as you blinked a few times, the ringing in your ears clearing as everything seemed to come back into real time, sound and all. “What did you say?” 

“I said you don't look so good, Jake mentioned you left early for a doctor appointment off base, you good?” 

“What is Hangman doing with my name in his mouth?” You spat before you took what was left of your beer into your mouth, skulling the burnt amber liquid like there was no tomorrow. For you there really wasn't all that much time left. Paying attention to how your liver processed alcoholic beverages had become an afterthought. “But yeah, I uh– I did.” 

“Something any of us should be worried about?” Payback had always been a kind and gentle soul. You envied his passion for all things Christmas. His ugly Christmas sweater told you everything that you needed to know, his was down bad for the holiday season. “Nut?” 

“Everything’s just peachy keen Fitch, you don't gotta worry about me.” You tried your best to hide the ever mounting pressure you felt in your chest through a pained smile and soft gaze. “But–” You held your empty glass up as you twirled around on the barstool you'd been sitting on. “I'm tapped so I'm gonna grab another beer and then you and I are gonna have a game of pool once shit for brains is finished showboating.” Reuben followed where your eyeline had evidently landed and low and behold there stood none other than Jake Seresin, claiming his title as undefeated pool champion with a grin so prominent on his face it made you feel sick to your stomach. “Be right back.” 

You slid off the stool and fixed the ‘Christmas’ dress that had been sticking to the back of your thighs. It wasn't anything special, just a red mid length dress that fit the Christmas attire that had been mandated but Reuben Fitch himself. Head and only member of the party planning committee. It wasn't anything special, but at least the dress was red, right? 

You'd been excited for the staff Christmas party for months up until the moment your doctor had sat you down and handed you a one way ticket to the afterlife. You thought maybe the reason you'd been feeling so unwell over the last few weeks had been an imbalance in your birth control or a shift in seasons or just something, anything other than what your final prognosis had ended up being. 

“What can I get you Nut?” Penny asked when she saw you leaning against the bar, card in hand, swinging on the barstool. “The usual?” 

“Uh can I get a double Jamison please Pen, on the rocks if you could.” Penny got to work fixing up your order as Jake slipped in beside you. Not turning his head in your direction as he fished his wallet out from the back of his jeans as he sat. The stupid matching Chrismas shirt he wore with Bradley looked ridiculous on him. Only Bradley Bradshaw could pull off a Christmas themed Hawaiian shirt. It wasn't Hangman's usual attire, it looked idiodic on him in the best way possible. 

“Another beer if you can Penny, extra tenner on the bar for you too.” Jake was, if anything, a charmer at heart. But despite his ability to smooth talk his way out of any situation and into anyone that had a hole he could put it in, you couldn't stand him. “You seem even more shrewd than usual this afternoon there Nut, not feeling the Christmas cheer?” and he couldn't stand you either. Or so you both led on. 

“Bit me.” Penny slid you the class, brown bourbon had never tasted so good before as you downed the double shot you ordered before slamming the glass back down. It wasn't the best move you could have made because the second you swallowed? Your stomach churned. “I gotta go.” You were quick for a woman who could barely walk in heels, racing towards the nearest exit without so much as causing a scene. Leaving Jake in your dust as he almost gave himself whiplash trying to crain his head fast enough to keep up.

“Wait, hold on the parties just getting started?” Jake took the beer bottle from Penny, being gentleman enough to say a quick thankyou her way before making a dash after you towards the front door. “Nwet hold on!” Your call sign had you as the Goddess of the sky. The name originating from Egyptian Mythology, but for some reason or another that had been shortened even further. Everyone just called you Nut for short. 

“Not now Hangman, I’m serious I’m not fee–” You didn't get a chance to finish your sentence before you were throwing up the contents of your stomach in the nearest pot plant on the front deck. Down on your knees as your hands gripped at the ceramic. Coughing and splattering as Jake put his beer down on the railing and balled your hair into his first to keep it from falling into the backsplash. 

“Alright, I'm cutting you off killer, how much have you had to drink?” Jake crouched down beside you as you sat back on your heels, whipping your mouth on your forearm. “You good?” 

“Get me another drink and I'll be even better.” You had heard loud and clear what Jake had said but just chose to ignore it. You didn't have much choice anymore. Jake just looked at you like you were on another planet. His eyes wide as his mouth fell slightly open in shock. There weren't many people who could render Jake Seresin speechless–but you always seemed to manage. 

It was the same look he gave you whenever you'd get into a heated argument over training sessions or whenever you’d go head to head in another one of your PTI’s latest workouts. The same look he gave you when you said you were fine when you had to miss the last few days of flight training, the same look he gave you when he found you making your doctor's appointment in the rec room between his runs. He looked at you like you hung the stars in the night sky just for him and once he’d finished admiring them you'd knock them out of the sky just to watch them shatter before him. Unpredictable and oh so beautiful. 

“Uh, no–I'm not gonna get you another drink when you're throwing up in Pennys plants.” 

“It's not the alcoholic, Jake.” You sighed out in response as you pressed your palm to your forehead. 

“It most definitely is I can smell it on yo–” You didn't know why, out of all the people you could have told first. Your Parents, Your Commanding Officers, any of your colleagues that seemed more and more like family every day, you chose Jake fucking Seresin to drop the biggest life ending bomb on. The worst Christmas Present ever. Deep deep down you knew exactly why. But there was no time left to figure it out now. 

“Jake it's not the Alcohol.” You cut him off, shutting your eyes as tight as you could because you couldn't look at him when you told him. “It's cancer.” 

“What?” When you opened your eyes again Jake's expression had softened to something you’d never seen before. “What do you mean it's cancer?” This couldn't really be happening could it? You wouldn't be cruel enough to play such a sick joke on him. But with the way you were looking at him right now? Jake felt his heart collapse into his stomach. The love of his life had cancer? “What do you mean by cancer Y/n?” Jake repeated as he brushed your hair away from your shoulder. “You aren’t being serious right now are you?” You didn’t respond right away because you were stunned at the saddened and stunned look Hangman had been stricken by.

“What I mean by cancer is that I have a shelf life.” You tried to make the moment a little more lighthearted. “A cosmic fuck you when you were just getting started huh.” It was the hardest thing you'd ever done, to sit in front of the man you loved to hate and hated to love and tell him you were dying. You hadn’t even had a chance to see what you could have been. You'd both been too caught up playing the long con that you'd wasted whatever time you had. 

“What's the uh–?” Jake didn't know how to ask as he stood with you and moved over to the nearest table that was clear and free. “What's the prognosis?” 

“Stage three Pancreatic–well basically stage four but—” Silence fell as Jake sat beside you completely stunned. His mind was running a million miles an hour, thinking of all the times you’d smiled at him. Beamed his way whenever he taunted you or teased you for something stupid and meaningless. You took everything like a champ because you could dish it out in return. He’d learnt to expect an elbow to the ribs whenever you had this one particular look in your eye. 

“And what's the going rate for stage three?” Jake wanted to hear you say at least something promising, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“Two Percent, Doc said even that was being generous.” His heart stopped for a moment. This wasn’t happening, not to you. Not to the one woman he had ever loved.

“Okay but what about chemo? What about other treatments that could surely raise that number up right?” 

“Oh, I ah–I don't wanna do any treatment.” That knocked the wind right out of Jake, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Like the entire world had just been knocked out from under his feet. “I saw what it did to my friend's mother Cathy, she spent whatever time she had left being pumped full of poison, because of it she became so weak she couldn't enjoy the things she could have been while she still had time.” 

“You can't not try Y/n.” Jake had moved as close to you as he possibly could. So much so it was easy enough for you to accept your own mortality with your head resting gently on his shoulder. “It's probably really selfish of me to say this but I'm not ready to just let you go.” 

“Please, spare me the hallmark card sympathies Seresin.” Scoffing, you took the beer bottle Jake had been sipping infrequently on. Taking a gulp of the yeasty beverage. “I don't need you treating me any differently now that you know I'm practically worm food.” It was the way Jake looked at you like he couldn't believe what you had just said. Did you expect him not to laugh or something? Strifally back a laugh so pure Jake waited for you to crack first, the symphony of highs and lows that sounded like the most prim and proper orchestra surrounded him as you laughed with him. 

“When did you find out? You seem to be dealing with the inevitability of it all well.” 

“About fifty minutes before I told you.” The smile had been whipped clean from Jake's face once again. The laughter that had just filled the atmosphere around you both now replaced with silence so heavy you were sure you had just been buried alive. “I haven't told anyone, and I wasn't planning to either.” 

Although you and Jake pretended most days to loathe each other's existence, there was no real animosity there. It was simply a childish act. Your mother had told you at an early age that boys who pulled your pony tail on the playground at school must have liked you. So you learnt play rough too, showing your affection by taunting and teasing between lingering eyes and daydreams of what it would be like to be with Jake as more than just whatever the fuck you were. 

“Why did you tell me? I mean I thought I would have been the last person on earth you would have spilled your darkest secrets to.” Jake felt nothing but content when you let your head fall back to his shoulder. He decided this time though to wrap a comforting arm around you—drawing you further into his side. 

“Believe it or not you were the first person who came to mind when I was told.” You'd thought about what Jake would say. If he’d even say anything at all when he found out, if he’d change the way he treated you or if there would be a small part of him that would be relieved that you wouldn't be around to annoy him anymore or challenge him whenever he thought he was better than you. “I thought maybe you’d be a good person to tell because you wouldnt look at me like I was weak.” 

“If there’s one thing you are, it's not weak.” Jake shook his head as he finished the remains of his beer. Standing as he offered you a hand. “Come on, we’re getting out of here.” 

“What? Where are we going?” You didn’t protest all that much—knowing what Jake had in mind was probably better than wallowing in self pity. You took his hand gracefully as he guided you to stand, meeting his gaze yet again. 

“We’re gonna go back to your place—“ 

“Oh, as if you would.” You cracked a smile as Jake looked at you a little confused. “I’m dying Hangman, don’t get that confused with desperate.” It wasn’t that you wouldn’t, you would in a heartbeat—but the feeling you got from your back and forth taunting just made the prize all the more worth it. Jake just stood in front of you, eyes trailing from your gaze to your lips then back to

Your eyes. Committing every last detail of your face to his long term memory. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, but we’re going back to yours.” 

“I told Payback I’d play a game of pool with him.” You explained as you tried to push past Jake, all he did was grip your wrist, stopping you from getting any further away from him. “Jesus Christ Jake what has gotten into you?” You stood there questioning his sudden need to be overbearing. 

“You just told me you have terminal cancer and you’re asking me what’s gotten into me! Jesus Y/n.” Jake let go of your wrist as he ran his hands through his hair, extinguishing a frustrated sigh as he looked anywhere but directly at you when he let his guard down. Nothing good ever came with Jake Seresin let his guard down, so he didn’t do it all that often. “I was just told the woman I’ve been obsessed with for the last year is dying and there’s literally not a single thing that I can do to stop it!” You let your walls down almost instantly at the confirmation, softening your shoulders and letting yourself just enjoy the satisfaction of the moment you thought would never come. Jake knew you were thinking—he could practically see the cogs turning in your head as you stood before him smirking a bashful smile. Suddenly doe eyed and willing to step a little closer. “What?” Jake scoffed as his lips curled into a smile that matched yours. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“So you’re obsessed with me huh?” 

“That’s your take on this whole situation?” 

“Oh yeah—“ Wrapping your arms around the back of Jake's neck you drew him all the more closer as his hands instinctively went to your hips. “Because I didn’t have to admit that I’m obsessed with you first.” You really didn’t give him a second to respond with some witty remark on how he was just saying it because he felt sorry for you—instead you let your lips press against Jakes softly. Testing the waters before diving into the deep end. Pulling back as you slowly opened your eyes. “It’s not fair of me to ask you to love me, especially knowing what you know—“ It was Jake's turn to cut you off before you could try and talk him out of spending whatever time you had left right by your side. His lips connected with yours as his hands came up to cup your cheeks as your tongue danced with his. Savoring every second because you’d always wondered what type of kisser Jake Seresin was. The answer? He knew what he was doing. 

“Doesn’t mean I won’t.” Pulling away momentarily Jake tan the pads of his thumbs across your flushed cheeks. “How long?” Jake didn’t really want to know the answer but he knew deep down it wouldn’t be long. 

“Anywhere between six months to a year.” It broke your heart the way Jake dropped his chin slightly at the realisation. “Depends on my lifestyle.” 

“Then I’m gonna be by your side for the next six to twelve months.” Jake promised as he held his hand up to wrap his pinky with yours. “Till the end of the line.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

Not a single person had seen you or Jake leave the Hard Deck unannounced. Payback had texted you a few times before you decided enough was enough and sent him a quick message saying you were with Jake before placing your phone on do not disturb. 

“Okay so you’re sure this one has the built in lighting?” Jake asked just one more time as you both stood back and looked at the piles of broken down Christmas tree that you’d sectioned into piles on your living room floor. 

“For the millionth time, yes—“ You’d leant Jake a pair of your ex’s old sweatpants that you’d forgotten you had until he was long gone. They fit snug, but well. In true Hangman style though? He was parading around your house, shirtless. Sweats hanging low leaving very little to the imagination. 

“Okay well, let’s start by fanning these prongs out before we attach anything to the trunk.” You’d changed into your Christmas pajamas—a cartoon version of the grinch saying it’s about to get naughty right across your chest. Jake had thought your house would be full of Christmas decorations by now—always the life of every holiday season. But when he stepped through the threshold and saw you hadn’t been bothered he knew that had to change. 

Especially if there was a possibility this could be your last Christmas. 

“You got your tree up yet?” You asked as soft melodies of Christmas songs played from your speaker, filling the living room as you and Jake sat on the ground amongst a sea of fake Christmas tree. Jake nodded softly as he worked to fluff out the prongs. 

“Yep, had it delivered the first of November—got a real one this year.” 

“Yeah you would be the type of person to have a real tree wouldn’t you.” It’s not that you had anything against it, it’s just that a real tree always seemed like so much work. “But if I get the chance to see next Christmas, I’ll get a real one.” 

“We can go Christmas tree shopping, new ornaments and all.” Jake offered as his pile grew a little faster then yours. “How come you hadn’t put your tree up yet?” He asked, perplexed. “You’re always drowning on about how the holidays are your favourite time of year.” You didn’t answer right away, you were going to make up some lame excuse but then you remembered Jake Seresin was the o my other person besides you general practitioner that knew you were dying. You could tell him. 

“I just haven’t really had the energy to.” 

“The cancers the reason you haven’t been flying as much isn’t it?” 

“Yep.” You popped your lips at the P. “Probably won’t be too long now before I’m stuck behind some desk in the admin building doing some mundane Johnny pencil pusher projects.” Sighing, you reached for another set of prongs. “Even a swivel chair will eventually make me gag—I don't know how much longer I’ll be able to withstand G’s and barrel roll.” 

“Well damn Nut, who’s gonna keep the top of my head from popping off?” Jake teased as he came to sit beside you, leaning back on the couch as he legs fell either side of you. Your back to his chest as he took the prongs you were working on from your hands and finished it himself. “You’ve always kept my ego from inflating.” 

“God help the crew when I’m dead and gone.” You chuckled softly as you left your sink into Jake's embrace. “You’ll just have to remember who’s the goddess of the sky, I’ll still be around to kick your ass.” 

“Oh yeah? How are you gonna manage that killer?” 

“I’ll wiggle your ear whenever you do something stupid.” You grinned, reaching up and around to wiggle Jake's earlobe. “Like that, whoever you get a little too hot headed, you’ll feel me.” 

“Deal.” Jake smiled softly as he kissed your shoulder from behind. “Now, while I’ll sit here fanning these things out, why don’t you make a list of all the things you wanna do between the next six to twelve months?” 

“Like a bucket list?” You asked softly as you lulled your head back to catch the glint in Jake's eyes. 

“Exactly, whatever you wanna do, I’ll help you do it.” You really couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. Settling back against Jake you started listing off things in your notes app. 

“I wanna get a tattoo, something stupid but meaningful—maybe even just something funny.” You’d end up getting a matching tattoo with Jake a few weeks later. Both in the same spot, on your tricep just above your elbow. Two hands pinky promising—till the end of the line written in calligraphy.

“Solid plan, I approve, what else Nut?” Jake reached for another pile to fluff up, almost having made his way through all the pieces. 

“I wanna skinny dip at the beach, at night, or even when the suns just starting to set.” Jake takes you. You both strip down and race towards the waters edge. You wrestle and fight until you're hooking your legs around his waist and your arms around his shoulders. Kissing him like you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. His hands hold you up by your ass—and you squeal when a rogue wave knocks you both down. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” 

“Shameless Y/l/n, but deal—what’s next.” You add about six different things onto your list, telling Jake every single one as you both stand to place all the pieces of your tree together. Deciding that you were both committing to the entire project together. Making a trip into your garage for the ornaments. 

“Maybe I should have a threesome?” You held the ladder at the bottom of your manhole Jake had climbed up into to fetch the seasonal box. “Yeah, never had one of those before but maybe it’s worth checking out.” 

“Two guys or one guy and one girl?” Jake handed you the box before he jumped down with a soft thud. “Or you and two girls?” You just raised a brow in response. “Hey—“ Jake was quick to hold his hands up in surrender. “I dunno what your sexual preferences are! I’m just being inclusive.” He sent you his signature shit eating grin. “But uh, pencil me down for whatever you decide.” 

“You wouldn’t be included in the girl on girl fantasy.” You gained back as Jake took the box back from you, walking side by side down the hall back to your living room. 

“But you’re saying there’s a chance I’d be included in the other two choices.” You never do end up having a threesome, it never actually makes the list. “Can’t say I haven’t dreamed of that a few times.” 

“Really? Funny that, I had a dream that I dropped you down a well just the other night.” You didn’t even look Jake's way as you fished out a few ornaments and started hanging them on the tree. Jake followed curiously. “And get here you are dreaming of having sex with me?” 

“I definitely like my dream a lot better—“ You couldn’t hold back your laugh as you shook your head, turning on your heels to fetch more ornaments. 

“I’m not having sex with you Hungman.” Jake raised his eyebrows in response to what you’d called him over your shoulder. “Isn't that what they all call you?” 

“Seems a little rude, and also short sighted.” He was quick to wrap his arms around your waist from behind, kissing your neck as you tried to pull away. Secretly enjoying the affection you could have been experiencing for a whole year before now. “Add it to your list.” 

“I’ll reluctantly add it to my list.” It didn’t take you and Jake all that much time to finish decorating your Christmas tree. Stepping back to admire your work, you turned on the lights and dimmed down your overheads. Jake held his fist out for your to fist bump before he drew you into his side. You had told Jake you’d add to fuck him onto you bucket list—he even watch your write something down into your notes. But it wasn’t that. No—it was something much better. 

“Best worst Christmas ever, don’t you think Nut?”

“Best worst Christmas ever Hangman.” Turning into Jake you kissed him once again, only for a fleeting moment. “Thankyou for this, just being here—I felt like I was drowning at the bar.”

“Like I said, till the end of the line.” Kissing the top of your head, you asked Jake to say the night, it was the first time Jake Seresin had slept in the same bed as a woman and he didn’t fuck her. All he did was hold you till you fell sleep—and that’s when for only a few brief moments he let himself cry. He loved you, truly. 

***~***~***~***~***~***

Eighteen Months Later //

“Are you thick or are you fucking stupid Rooster!?” Jake barked as he walked down the tarmac towards his wingman. “I said break right and follow back and under—talley two at five o’clock low means exactly that!” Jake was seeing red. “Do you wanna get yourself killed in a real fight?” 

“Ease up, we’re alive and we still have the fastest time on the leaderboard—Coyote, Payback and Fanboy are nowhere near us.”

“That’s not the point, Bradshaw! You just didn’t fucking think!” Jake was seething, his face was red and if Bradley looked close enough? He swore he could see steam coming out of Jake's ears. “Something’s gotta be in there—it can’t just be air in that thick—“ Before Jake could finish, he felt a tugging sensation on his left earlobe. Shutting up instantly as he reached up to tug at the phantom sensation. 

“Nut got your ear?” Bradley asked as he tapped Hangman on the shoulder, Bradley had been the one Jake confided in when you finally passed on. He didn’t believe in the afterlife until he couldn’t let you go. “Mum used to say dad would whistle around the house, she’d smell his cologne too.” Bradley caught the sun catching on Jake's wedding band. You’d both decided fuck it one night and high tailed it to a Vagas to get hitched. “She’s probably trying to tell you to stop yelling at me!” 

Christmas had long passed and Jake still had his dead tree up. Something about taking it down meant saying goodbye and he wasn’t ready to do that. You’d only just managed to make it to new years before deciding you just couldn’t do it anymore. But you were wrapped to have two best worst Christmas’s under your belt. 

Jake held you close till you took your last breath, you weren’t in some hospital somewhere hooked up to all sorts of machines. No. You were down by the ocean, in Jake's arms. Talking about how you were so thankful to have completed everything on your lift. The final one being the most important. 

“Here—“ Jake remembers you saying softly as you handed him a letter. “I wrote them down so you’ll never forget everything you did for me.” 

Jake scanned the page of about fifteen different things you had done together, the last one though he never knew you wrote. He couldn’t help himself as he held you a little tighter, a little closer. He framed the letter and placed it on his bedside table—The tick next to number fifteen his favourite thing of all. 

Number 15: Know what it’s like to fall in love on the worst, best Christmas ever.

#jake seresin x y/n #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin fic #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin angst #jake seresin fan fic #top gun hangman

[justanobodywriter]

Public

Kaoru Sakurayashiki - Cherry Blossom

CW: female bodied reader, reader wears a skirt, reader's nickname is Princess (used by multiple characters), public sex and I mean real public, exhibitionism, degradation, dirty talk, vaginal penetration, creampie (seriously be safe a wrap it), reader orgasm

2.1k words

"Now it's time for amateur hour," some kid announced.

S had been much more frequented recently with all kinds of younger kids wanting in on the big races. That lead to once a week amateur hour. Where those who weren't as versed as others could still get in on some of the action and get their names out in the community.

"The amateurs are lining up, you don't wanna be late to the start," Cherry teased.

You snorted, "Come on, I could smoke those losers any day."

"I hear there's a new kid who is really good in this one," Joe chimed in.

The three of you had come to see some of the newcomers. Joe was right. There was a rumor going around the community that there was a young kid who would give even the best of the best a run for their money. It intrigued you all, which was probably why you all ended up here together.

"They're getting started now," Joe observed. "You guys wanna move down the track?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me," you beamed.

Cherry sighed, following behind as you and Joe made the walk through the crowd, "I suppose."

Thankfully, Joe parted the sea of people in front of you all. There weren't many people who didn't move, so the walk down to a more secluded spot was pretty quick and painless.

"Damn, it's more crowded here than usual," Joe groaned.

"Well, there possibly is some more excitement than usual this time," Cherry reminded.

"Come on, Joe," you cooed up at him. "You know you can push your way to the front, can't you?"

Your feigned puppy eyes made his features go soft before showing irritation.

"Fine," he grumbled.

Joe went to push his way through the crowd with you close behind. However, you were stopped rather abruptly.

Cherry's hand gripped tight against your hip and he lowered himself to growl in your ear, "Better watch it, princess."

You shivered at his tone.

His voice was low and demanding. He meant every word he was saying. It would be in your best interest to listen to him, but where's the fun in that?

"Joe, wait up," you called after him, dragging Cherry behind you towards him.

Joe did a pretty good job at getting you all to the front. You stood in front of Cherry who was able to easily see over you. There was a huge rock next to you which allowed you to lean on since you were standing. Joe stood on the opposite side of you as the rock. You all had a very good view of the track and should be able to see the racers coming and going for a while.

"So, Joe, how's work going?" you asked.

You leaned over the railing as you listened to Joe droll on and on about his work. He talked about customers and new recipes and anything else he could think of. While you had no real interest in Joe, it was very remarkable how much passion he had for his job.

You felt a quick pinch to your ass and yelped a bit.

"You alright?" Joe asked.

Cherry looked down at you, "Yes, Princess, are you ok?"

Oh, he was such a cheeky little shit.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you waved them off. "I thought I felt a bug on me."

You shot Cherry a look when Joe wasn't paying attention.

You see, the two of you had been seeing each other in secret for a while now. It wasn't for any particular reason other than to preserve your personal lives. No one had any idea with how well the two of you hid things.

Usually, because of wanting to keep things private, you both would hold back on things like PDA or paying special attention to one another. Which just gave you the opportunity to tease Cherry by flirting with Joe every once in a while.

"I warned you to watch it," Cherry spoke down in your ear.

You glared at him over your shoulder, "You should be more careful. We are out in public."

"Oh, please," Cherry chuckled. "You think that will stop me from stuffing your pretty little cunt with my cock?"

His words sent chills down your spine and a flush to your cheeks.

"There they are!" you heard Reki call.

Of course. Just in time to see you flustered.

"Hey, guys," Reki greeted.

You gave a small smile and wave to them, pretending to watch for the racers.

"Is everything alright, Princess?" Langa asked.

"Fine," you waved them off.

"Are you sure?" Cherry asked. "You seem like something might be wrong."

You could see the smirk on his lips reaching his eyes. He was thankful in these moments that he was wearing a mask. It helped keep his true expression covered, but you knew what he was hiding.

"Seriously, guys, I'm fine," you reassured.

They all gave you skeptical looks, but returned their attention back to the race.

Large screens flashed before you all showcasing the different racers. Someone with a mic talked about where they all were and what was going on. It was exciting, even though they weren't at the top.

"What do you say we have a little fun," Cherry suggested.

You looked over your shoulder at him skeptically, then moved your gaze back to the rest of your friends. Everyone had their attention on the race, thankfully.

"Here?" you questioned him.

His hand trailed up your skirt and over the soft skin of your ass, right over where he had pinched before. He squeezed a bit, but you were more prepared this time and didn't alert the rest.

You leaned over the small railing in front of you. To anyone else around, it just looked like you were trying to get a better look at the screen. Cherry took the opportunity to press his finger against your bare cunt.

"No panties," he lowly chuckled. "Bold choice, don't you think?"

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Joe chimed towards you and Cherry.

"We were just talking about the spot we're going to get you in the next amateur race," Cherry smirked.

"Oh, shut up," Joe retorted, turning his attention back to the race.

You giggled, "Good one."

Cherry pressed one of his long and skilled fingers into you suddenly causing you to let out a low whimper.

You internally thanked yourself for your outfit choice of the day. Cherry was easily able to hide his hands under your skirt on the opposite side of the crowd. The no panties was just an added touch of ease today... though, this was the last thing you thought would happen today.

His fingers curved within you to caress your g-spot just right. Your legs threatened to give out from under you. You choked down a moan. Damn, why was he so good at this?

"Hey, you can see them up on the hill," Reki called out to everyone.

The crowd seemed to press in a bit more.

"Perfect," you hear Cherry smirk.

He had something planned, and you were at his mercy.

His finger left you, causing you to let out a quiet whine. However, it was quickly replaced with his cock prodding at your entrance.

You sucked in a sharp breath.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Langa asked placing a hand on your shoulder.

"Fine," you managed.

Cherry saw you going to speak more and moved his cock slowly between your folds, going straight through to your clit.

"I-oh," you started and were cut off by Cherry's actions. "Shit, sorry. I thought one of th-the racers was-was in trouble."

Langa looked at you skeptically.

"Maybe you should go sit down," Reki suggested.

"No-no, I'm fine, really," you reassured again.

It was impossibly hard to concentrate on their words. Cherry continued to slowly and barely move his hips causing the tip of his cock to repeatedly brush against your clit.

Without much warning, he pulled his hips back and pressed himself fully into you.

You bit your bottom lip so hard, you swore you drew blood. It was the only action that kept you from letting out a moan. Cherry always felt so good inside of you. He fit within you perfectly and hit all the right spots with ease.

It was all you could do to hold yourself up on the railing and try not to let yourself jerk too much as Cherry thrust in and out of you. His hips were barely noticeably bucking into you. Still, he was long and easily pressed the tip of his cock against your cervix.

"Here they come," you faintly heard someone call.

Skaters went flying past you, but you weren't paying attention. You felt the cool air from them going by cool your very flushed face.

"Come on, I bet we can make it down to the bottom before they get there," Reki called out as he was already running off.

"Hey, you two coming?" Joe asked, lingering behind the others.

Cherry looked down at you, "I think we might just stay here and take a minute."

You were so thankful that he was so willing to cover for the both of you right now. You weren't sure that you could form words as his cock stilled within you and only moved slightly as he shifted, effectively grinding his hips into yours.

"Ok, I'll see you two down there," Joe beamed.

It was a moment where the two of you stayed like that before Cherry began moving his hips again.

"Everyone's gone now, Princess," he cooed in your ear.

"Thank-ahhh," you were cut off by a quick snap of his hips back into you.

"Look at you," he snarled as he continued snapping his hips into yours with brute force. "Who do you think you are coming out here in this short of a skirt with no panties on?"

"I-I-I'm-fuck, s-sorr-sorry," you managed.

Each thrust had you gripping the railing harder and pressing yourself back into him.

He scoffed, "Such a slut. Flirting with that idiot, and right in front of me. Have you no shame?"

"No, I'm just a slut," you moaned out.

"Of course you are," he teased. "Only a slut would be taking my cock like this. Everyone was just so close. Even now, anyone could come around the corner. I'm sure there are some racers left."

You let out a beautiful moan.

He flipped you around, so you were leaning with your back against the railing. His hands gripped at the back of your thighs and lifted you. He lined his cock back up with your cunt and slid back in. He began thrusting again.

Your legs were pressed so tight to your chest, as you were suspended and completely at his mercy.

He scoffed again, "Look at how disgusting you are. Taking me out in the open for anyone to see."

"Please, I'm gonna cum," you panted out.

You could hear the slaps of his balls against your ass. His gaze was so stern on you. He moved his mask down and kissed you once.

His skilled fingers trailed down to your clit. He pinched and circled it pushing you over the edge.

"That's right, cum all over me," he instructed.

You were trying to hold back, but when he gave you the go ahead, you let go. You felt your legs shake uncontrollably and your cunt spasmed around him.

He let out a low growl as he looked down to see the white rim you left around the base of his cock. With just a few more pumps, he leaned over you and filled you with his own release.

There was a moment where he just stayed leaned over you. He lifted himself off of you and kissed you again sweetly. His cock pulled out of you, while also pulling some of his release from you.

"Well, that's something I never get tired of seeing," he smirked down at the sight.

His fingers pressed the mix of your releases back into you. You moaned at the overstimulation he was causing you as his fingers curled upwards into your most sensitive spot.

"Hm, think you can keep that there?" he asked.

"I can try," you managed out.

His fingers retreated and he helped you back to your feet.

Immediately, you felt the thick liquids dripping down your thigh.

"Shit," you huffed.

Cherry chuckled, "I guess you're just going to have to face everyone like that."

"You ass," you spat.

"Come on, we've got a race to finish watching," he spoke, helping you walk down the hill.

You rolled your eyes, "Can we at least stop and try to get me a little cleaned up?"

"Why?" he shrugged. "I think you look beautiful."

"Yeah, well I would like to not have to explain the liquids rolling down my leg."

"Oh, now you have a problem with being so forward in public?"

"Shut up."

#cherry x reader #cherry blossom x reader #kaoru x reader #kaoru smut #cherry blossom smut #sk8 smut #sk8 the infinity smut #sk8 x reader #sk8 the infinity x reader #sk8 the infinity fanfic #cherry blossom fic #kaoru sakurayashiki smut

[katyawriteswhump]

power of love, part 15

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 16

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Steve’s back in the loggers’ cabin. He’s kissing Eddie stupid, and he’s loving it.

They’re both done with drinking bad beer, and even more done with pretending this thing between them isn’t real. They’ve gotten their arms flung around each other. Steve’s tongue is happily exploring the depths of Eddie’s mouth.

Kissing Eddie is totally unlike any make-out session Steve’s ever known. The scratch of Eddie’s lightly stubbled jaw against his is… Gnnng, mindblowing! Steve slides his knee into Eddie’s lap, wishing Eddie would jump his bones already. When Eddie snags his fingers through Steve’s hair, it sends literal sparks down Steve’s spine. The insistent brush of their lips is actual fire, until…

… it’s all too much. Steve moans with something other than dumb teen passion, and it feels like his head’s gonna explode. That familiar crimson tide washes through his brain, and then…

“Steve?”

Robin’s voice wrenches Steve back to the present. Oh, yeah. They’re wading along some shitty little stream, hidden between high banks. Somehow, while getting lost in memories of that kiss, his feet shifted forward on autopilot.

She’s following behind. “I haven’t heard those woofy search dogs for a while,” she says. “You?”

I’ve not a clue, Robin. My head’s zoning in and out of Christ-knows-what-crazy-ass-shit, and I’ve gotten a boner from daydreaming about Eddie. Which is fading fast, because when I remember I might never get another shot at kissing him for real, I wanna stuff my fist in my mouth and bite down hard.

“Gonna trust you on that one,” he mumbles.

“We can get out of this disgusting drain then?” He shrugs, climbs up the bank to check all’s clear.  “See anything we need to worry about?”

“Not sure.” Steve frowns, surveying a few dumped cars and a burned-out trailer. It’s a familiar patch of wasteland, a known hang-out for pretty much every teen in the area. “We’re back in Hawkins already.”

“You’re kidding?” She scrambles up to join him and visibly pales beneath her grime and freckles. “Oh my God. We must’ve travelled at least ten miles. In less than an hour and a half.” She glances at her watch and nods emphatically. “Any explanations, Steve? Any cryptic messages from your water-fairy-godparent?”

“Gimme a break! You’re the one who said we’re off to Magic Camp. At this stage—boom! Whatever! Crazy is to be expected.” He sounds chill. Despite the fear jostling him from every angle over what the hell is happening now?  Their gazes lock, and… Jesus, he can read in her manic eyes how her last ragged nerve is about to snap.

“Okay, okay,” she says, “we won’t panic.”

“I’m not panicking."

“Well, I am! One plus side—there’s plenty of nice dry paths leading to Lover’s Lake in that direction.” She points to the wasteland. “Don’t you dare make me get back in the ditch. I am literally wearing duckweed for mascara.”

He considers her suggestion for a few seconds, before that stupid waterfall roars in his head. “Sorry.” He bounces back into the stream. “If we’re believing in this bullshit, then I gotta go the way I get told.”

With the biggest sigh ever, she skids down after him. They paddle onward, hand in hand. She’s shaking weirdly, gasping and gulping, like she’s giggling and crying all at once. Oh, and shivering too. He wants to check she’s okay, but he doesn’t dare speak. Sounds bombard them from every angle, including shouting, maybe a quad bike, and plenty of distant and not-so-distant sirens.

“Look, Robin,” he whispers, when it seems safe. “You’re not in deep shit, like me and Eddie. Maybe you should go home to your mom.”

“Nice thought. Mommy Dearest has probably rented out my room already.”

Steve hums sympathetically, while pausing to mindlessly kick off his trashed sneakers. “If it’s any consolation, when I was reported missing, nobody noticed my parents rushing back.” He’d asked Hopper, casually enough. “I’m guessing they didn’t bother."

“That sucks, though…means we could nip back to your place for a warm shower, clean clothes?”

“Trust me, I’d murder for that. You really should go, but—” The sound of way-too-close voices interrupts him. After a minute longer, shuffling forward, she wrings his fingers crushingly tight. 

“Uh, Steve? Look.”

Up ahead, the waterway flows into a culvert. The entrance is barred with a metal grid. 

“Oh, thanks a bunch, fairy-guardian-water-spirit-angel-parent,” says Steve. “Great short cut, just great!” A dog growls so close that they startle as one, resulting in a loud splash. He shoves Robin toward the opposite bank. “Go! I’ll try… something.”

“How’s that gonna help?” she hisses, letting him bundle her ahead. “It would be kinda sad if you lightning-fried the dog because it’s not the dog’s fault—"

“Scram, will you? I’ll give it a quick shot—mind the freakin’ dog—and be right behind.”

She scrambles into some bushes at the top, and he prays she keeps going. All he hears is goddamn barking. Christ, can it smell my blood? Still, he has to keep it together and come up with some damn heavy rain, and fast, to destroy her scent as she escapes.

He crouches down, conjures up their recent discussion about parents. Eleven told him to channel anger, so that’s a decent start…

Grrrrrr!

Steve jumps up, whirls about. A foam-flecked mouth snarls at him from the top of the bank. He’s faintly relieved to see the canine owner of this huge and scary mouth is on a leash. Unfortunately, the leash is held by a tall guy in khaki, a semi-automatic tucked at his side.

He shines a flashlight directly in Steve’s face. Steve meekly raises his hands. He’s too stunned for real fright.

“You shouldn’t be here,” says army guy. “Woah, you’re filthy! You got papers?”

“Huh?” Hopper hadn’t been kidding about the military dictatorship.

“Got a name, kid?”

He glances down at his Hellfire Club t-shirt, cringes back into the dazzling beam. “Eddie Munson?”

“Outta the ditch. Keep your hands where I can see them.”

Steve doesn’t instantly obey. He’s still trying to figure out if this is really happening, and why exactly he said he was Eddie. To protect him, right? Then Eddie can get clean out of the state. Oh, and because he’s so obsessed with Eddie that he can’t stop thinking about him.

A second later, the dog-handler is in the stream with him. He grabs Steve by the arm, and snaps into a lapel radio: “This is MWD-handler 7. Inform O’Sullivan that fugitive 1 is apprehended.”

…

Eddie POV

The forces dragging Eddie home to Hawkins are suddenly spooking-him-the-hell out. 

It’s not all about Steve anymore. He’s hearing water. Loud running water, which draws him toward what turns out to be a nonsensically pathetic-as-piss stream. He jumps in and follows, even as he starts to panic for real.

Steve said he was hearing water. Now I hear it too. What does this mean? Wtf does this BS mean!?!

He presses on anyhow, finding he simply can’t stop thinking about THAT KISS. He’s reliving it over-and-over. At least, the good parts, before Steve fainted on him. Did Eddie daydream the delicious twisty, flirty things that Steve did with his tongue? 

Then he’s thinking about Steve’s butt. 

You never gave THAT BUTT the squeeze it deserved. Holy shit, Munson, you’re such a loser. 

Most torturous of all, the idea that it might be all over between them… Crap, it makes him feel physically ill. How can the idea of losing somebody he never really had hurt so much?  Oh, and when the heck did he kick off his sneakers and start wading bare foot? He has absolutely zero memory of doing that. Still, the cold water doesn’t seem to bother him.

As darkness falls, he spots some familiar landmarks, and realises he’s only a mile or so out of Hawkins. Which is also totally cuckoo, because there’s no way he should’ve travelled back so fast. For the first time since he set off, he stops dead.

Reality check, Munson—pretty much everybody in this dump you call home believes you to be a freakshow-turned-serial-killer. And you’ve come storming back for some douchebag rich kid who dumped you.

There is, however, a single good side to his progress into Hell. He pulls out his walkie-talkie out of his pack, switches it on, and tunes into Dustin’s coded wavelength:

“Anybody there? This is a code-red. CODE RED!” Okay, being officially too ‘old’ for the Party, he’s not supposed to say that, but desperate times call for desperate—

“No way! Is that you? Over.” 

At Dustin’s reply, some dam deep inside Eddie bursts. His face crumples, and he shamelessly, softly weeps. “Yeah, it’s me, buddy. It’s me.”

“Roger that. What the hell are you doing? This place is overrun with wannabe Nazis.” The hairs on the back of Eddie’s neck stand suddenly on end, and not because of Dustin’s news. “It’s a warzone. You should be in the next state by now!”

Eddie drops the walkie-talkie and shoves his hands in the air. Some military-fascist-knucklehead is pointing an assault rifle at him, though he’s weirdly numbed to the horror of it all. He honestly hadn’t expected it to feel this inevitable.

“Roger that?” says the walkie-talkie.

Eddie grins, so manically goofy that his face aches. 

“Name or papers,” demands the son-of-a-bitch.

“Uuuuuh…” Okay, he’s blown this. Nobody with nothing to hide, blunders THAT answer. “Steve Harrington?”

He said that to protect Steve, right? If they think I’m him, they’ll… torture me instead. Oh shit. Oh Shiiiiiiit!

A big angry dude pummels into Eddie from the side, crushing him into the mud. 

Part 16

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know. Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 16

#steddie #steve harrington #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steve harrington whump #steddie fanfic #eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #stranger things fanfic #steddie fanfiction #stobin fanfic #platonic stobin #stobin

[nineinchnailpolish]

Stacee Jaxx x GN Reader

Warnings: kissing, smut, nsfw

Pairing: Stacee Jaxx x GN Reader

Word Count: 1239

A/N: This is my first smut i’m posting on tumblr, so who knows if it’s good. I feel uncomfortable writing words during the smut stuff, so sorry it’s only description 😭

Stacee comes out of his room to grab some more alcohol when he notices you walk in the bar. He feels an insane amount of lust and slowly walks over to you.

All the girls fan over him, fainting and grabbing at his body. He throws them off him, walking to you, checking out your body.

“Hey…you should come to my room, we can have some alcohol. It would be…fun” he talked slowly and seductively.

Your eyes widen at Stacee’s words as you blush.

Stacee Jaxx has been your idol for years, but you never thought he would invite you to his room! Waves of excitement and thrill pumped through your blood.

“i- yeah that sounds like fun” you say shyly, smiling at Stacee.

Stacee smirks, his eyes fixated on you as he motions for you to follow him. He leads you down a dimly lit hallway, the throbbing bass of the music shaking the walls. You can hear the distant roar of the crowd, signaling that the show is about to start.

With every step, the air feels thicker, filled with anticipation and desire. Stacee opens the door to his room, revealing a space adorned with rock 'n' roll memorabilia and lit by the soft glow of red lights. The scent of stale cigarettes and musky cologne lingers in the air.

He walks over to his monkey, ‘Hey man’, and grabs a bottle of whiskey. He doesn’t bother grabbing glasses.

He struts over to the couch and sits down by you, manspreading as he takes a swig of the whiskey. He puts his hand out with the bottle, motioning for you to take a drink.

You mumble a thank you and take the bottle, making a face when you drink it. He chuckles at you, watching intently as you take a sip, the cool liquid sliding down your throat. The tension in the room becomes palpable, the lust and attraction between you practically crackling in the air.

Stacee moves closer, pressing his body against yours, his hand trailing up the side of your waist. His touch is electrifying, sending shivers down your spine. He leans in, his lips hovering dangerously close to your ear as he whispers, his voice low and husky.

“So, what’s your name darling~? Realize I haven’t asked yet” He trails his fingers along your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You can barely concentrate on his question when he is touching your body.

You clear your throat, “My…my name is y/n” you turn your face to him, blushing.

“y/n…” The name rolls off his tongue a couple times, he smiles as he does so. His hand goes to your face and cups your cheek, leaning closer to your face.

“You’re not like the others y/n…there is something special about you. Something intriguing. I want to explore it if you’ll let me” He asks, caressing your face softly.

“I want to…yes Stacee, please” You move your lips to his, kissing him hard and passionately and you grip his jacket. The world seems to fade away, leaving only the intoxicating taste and warmth of his mouth.

Stacee's other hand travels down your body, his touch tracing a map of pleasure along your skin. His fingers find their way beneath your clothes, exploring the contours of your body with a deliberate eagerness. Every stroke and caress sends surges of pleasure through your veins, igniting a fiery desire within you.

Without breaking the kiss, he leads you to the bed, where he begins to undress you slowly, piece by piece. His eyes devour your exposed skin, his touch leaving a burning trail in its wake. As your bodies intertwine, his hands gripping your hips, he sinks into the depths of your desires, losing himself in the passionate embrace.

“Shit baby…so tight” He grunts out, pounding into you like the beat of the music outside.

Stacee's hunger is insatiable, his hands gripping and caressing every inch of your body, his lips exploring every sensitive spot.

“Stacee! More please~” You beg, scratching up his back as he bruises up your hips.

As Stacee's lips trail down your neck, leaving a trail of tender kisses and marks, he takes control once more. He flips you over onto your stomach, his hands gripping your hips firmly. His touch is demanding yet surprisingly gentle, his fingers tracing the curves of your back.

With a possessive growl, he positions himself behind you, his arousal pressing against your thigh. He enters you slowly, filling you completely with each thrust. The sensation is overwhelming, a melding of pleasure and pain that sends waves of ecstasy coursing through your body.

The room is filled with the sounds of your moans and the rhythmic slapping of your bodies together. Stacee's grip on your hips tightens, his thrusts becoming more urgent and forceful. He drives you to the edge of bliss, the tension building unbearably until you both reach the peak of pleasure.

As you climax together, your bodies convulsing in ripples of ecstasy, time seems to stand still. The sweaty bodies collapse onto the bed, panting and gasping for air. Stacee pulls you close, his arms wrapping around you protectively.

You become surprised Stacee isn’t just kicking you out of his room, but actually holding you. You take advantage of this moment and snuggle into his shoulder.

“that…that was amazing” You say, exhaustion in your breath.

He smirks to himself, knowing he did a good job by noticing you’re out of breath. “Yeah it was…” he murmurs, his voice filled with a rare tenderness.

He shifts slightly, still holding you close as his fingers trace patterns lazily on your bare skin. The room is filled with a comfortable silence, broken only by the distant sound of the crowd and the soft beating of your hearts.

Though that quietness is interrupted when Stacee’s manager barges in.

“Stacee, come on come on! get up! you are about to perform in 10 minutes” he notices you in the bed with stacee, smirking.

“Oh, I didn't know ya had company…but just hurry up and get dressed, you dog! I’ll be waiting for you outside your room” He leaves, shutting the door and sighing to himself.

You blush with embarrassment, being caught. You and Stacee are still naked and his manager saw-

Stacee chuckles softly, his amusement evident in his voice as he places a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, y/n," he says, his voice filled with a newfound tenderness. "He's used to these things happening."

He quickly gets up from the bed, retrieving his clothes from a nearby chair. With an effortless grace, he begins dressing himself, not seeming to mind the interruption in the slightest.

As he finishes buttoning up his shirt, he stands before you, offering you a warm smile. "I need to go perform now, but I want you to know that this isn't over. I want to see you after the show, darling."

He walks over to you, pressing a needy kiss to your lips before hurrying towards the door. "Stay here as long as you like, or come and enjoy music” He winks. “We'll talk more when I’m done."

With that, he leaves the room, leaving you to process the whirlwind of emotions that have taken hold of you. Despite the unexpected interruption, you can't help but feel a glimmer of hope for what lies ahead.

#fanfic writer #underrated #fanfics #movies #rock of ages #stacee jaxx #tom cruise x reader #x reader #x reader smut #bad writing #celebrity crush #rock n roll #music #make this blow up #send help #fanfic #movie fanfiction #tom cruise

[xocasper]

First Time for Everything

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader Summary: Mikey is your best friend, and you have an unfortunate crush on his older brother, Gerard. When you discover that Gerard likes you too, it leads to an afternoon of exploration. (aka high school!au with super virgin basement!gerard) Warnings: NSFW content Tags: oral sex, mega virgin!gerard Word Count: 2306 A/N: I literally hate this with every fiber of my being but I was too far in to quit. Gonna go write some relatively kinky shit to validate myself.

Today was Friday, and arguably the best day of the week, especially for you. Every Friday after school, you would walk home with your friend Mikey, and spend the rest of the day at his house, watching movies and eating junk food. You weren’t very popular, but you did have a small circle of friends outside of him who would always try to tell you that high school is the best years of your life, and you should be out doing something fun. To you, “something fun” meant spending time with Mikey, and sometimes his brother Gerard.

Gerard was a year older than you two, but he didn’t think of you as little kids, unlike the other seniors. He was quiet, and spent a lot of time in his room, only emerging if Mikey coaxed him out. He also happened to be very cute. You wanted to hold his hand and kiss him softly, watching for the pretty shade of pink that had dusted his cheeks any time he spoke to you. You weren’t sure if he was shy around everyone or just you, but it didn’t matter. Even if he liked you too, Mikey was your best friend and you couldn’t just date his older brother.

The sound of the bell ringing woke you from your daydreams, and you haphazardly tossed your schoolwork into your bag, rushing to your locker to meet Mikey. You heard footsteps stop next to you, but instead of your friend, you were face-to-face with his brother.

“Mikey got picked up for a doctor’s appointment a little while ago,” he told you, fiddling with the straps of his backpack. “He didn’t remember it until today, so he asked if I could walk with you instead? I drove here though, so we wouldn’t be walking, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You could come over later once he’s home or something, I know adults always say not to get into strangers’ cars-”

You stifled a laugh as he rambled, staring at the floor as he went on. “A ride would be great, thank you. And you’re not a stranger, you’re my friend.”

He looked slightly surprised, “We’re friends?”

“Do you want to be more than that?” you joked, and his head shot up, eyebrows raising slightly. “What?”

“I’m kidding,” you said as you began heading towards the doors of the school, Gerard trailing behind you. You almost missed the faint frown on his face as he mumbled an “oh”, and you had to bite back a grin as you walked outside. This could be fun.

Neither of you spoke until you got into the car, and he started apologizing profusely for the mess, which was really only a few snack wrappers and school papers.

The ride to his house was filled with the low hum of the radio, mixed with a slightly awkward conversation about school and other mundane things. You wanted him to open up a bit, maybe get him to touch on a topic he was passionate about. Mikey had told you that he was really into comics, so you ran with that.

“Mikey said you like comics,” you said, more as an offhand comment with hopes of him expanding on it.

“He did?” he turned to look at you, a small smile ghosting across his face. You nodded your head and the next thing you knew he was chatting away about a new series he was reading.

It was sweet how happy he was to be talking about something he enjoyed, even more because you were interested in what he had to say.

When you pulled into the driveway, he got out first, scooting around to the passenger side to open the door for you. He blushed that same pretty pink as you smiled at him, following him inside.

“Do you want to do something while you wait for Mikey? I can stay up here if you want, not that I don’t trust you or anything, you’ve been coming over forever, but I wouldn’t want you to be lonely.” The awkward rambling returned, and so did the urge to kiss him. “C’mon, let’s go see what’s on TV.” You made a bold move and held his hand as you pulled him into the living room, his mouth opening and closing, wanting to say something but the words were caught in his throat.

He kept some distance between the two of you, fumbling a bit as he reached for the remote. It was almost funny how flustered he got over something as simple as hand-holding, and you were honestly wondering if he’d even spoken to a girl before. 

You could feel his eyes on you, but yours stayed glued to the television. It was a cartoon you’d never seen before, and you really had no interest in it, but it felt nice to have him watching you. It wasn’t creepy like most guys, more like endearing. This continued for about five minutes and you figured he had spaced out or something, but when you turned to look at him, he whipped his head away.

A small laugh escaped you and he buried his face in his hand, embarrassed that he was caught despite how blunt his staring was. You shifted to face him, leaning against the arm of the couch, and stared right back at him. He frowned a bit, “Why are you staring at me?”

“Because I think you’re pretty,” you said, and his eyes squinted questionably. “Have you ever kissed someone before?”

“What?!” he looked floored, and for a moment you thought you’d overstepped. You raised an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head almost shamefully. “Do you want to?”

He was silent for a moment, shock scribbled across his face. After a moment he nodded but remained glued to his seat. You moved over to him, placing his hands on your hips, one of yours resting against his cheek, the other on his chest. He looked nervous as you leaned in, but didn’t back away.

He tensed a bit as you kissed him, unsure of what to do, but he did some damn good improv by the end of it. His eyes fluttered open as you pulled away, lips still parted as you caressed his skin. Everything about him was soft and warm, and it made you feel that way as well.

Finally, he found the ability to speak. “Can we do that again?”

He had a better idea of what to do the second time around, kissing back tenderly, and relaxing a bit. Cautiously, you slid your hand through his hair, tugging lightly, and a quiet moan rolled off his tongue. He broke away and you retracted your hands, getting ready to apologize, but he beat you to it.

“Sorry,” he pouted, eyebrows knitted together in worry. “I didn’t mean to... moan.” He cringed a bit as he said it, but you assured him that it was alright.

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize. If you’re moaning, that means I’m doing something right,” you told him, and he nodded in understanding.

“You’re doing everything right.” He smiled at you, and butterflies swarmed your stomach. You glanced at the clock behind him; only fifteen minutes had passed, and there was no sign of Mikey. 

Shit, Mikey.

You hated killing the moment, especially with how much more you were willing to give him, but he was probably thinking the same thing anyway.

“What about Mikey?” you asked, and his smile dropped. “Oh shit, you guys are together?!” He was struck with panic and immediately moved away from you, looking absolutely horrified.

“No! God no, Gerard.” You reached for his hand, which he reluctantly gave to you. “I mean that I’ve liked you for ages, I just didn’t think this far in advance. Mikey never said ‘hey! don’t fuck my brother!’ but I don’t want him to freak out anyway.”

He turned cherry red as you spoke, “Don’t what my brother?”

Oh. That wasn’t supposed to come out. You were mortified, stomach churning with anxiety and embarrassment as he stared at you, begging for you to elaborate. “Fuck, no, well yeah, but no, I didn’t mean to say that,” you stammered. “I mean I would if you wanted to, but we just kissed so I’m not really counting on getting laid today.”

He pondered your response for a few seconds before giving his own. “You think about me like that?” You nodded slowly, knowing you had brought this on yourself. “I think about you like that sometimes,” he told you, studying you closely.

You slowly regained your confidence, now knowing that he wasn’t uncomfortable with anything, just a bit sheepish. You pulled him back over to you, his eyes flickering down to your lips again.

“Yeah?” you breathed, gazing at him through your lashes. “Yeah,” he mumbled, and this time he kissed you.

It was different from the other two, there was a trace of neediness in it. Tentatively, he pulled you into his lap, placing his hands back on your waist and squeezing ever so gently. Your arms draped around his neck, occasionally moving them to run your hands through his hair.

He whined as you tugged on it again, and you took the opportunity to slide your tongue past his lips, another moan escaping him. You went slowly, not using too much, swirling it against his as he let you lead. Everything was new to him, and boy, was he enjoying it. 

You left sweet kisses on his neck, sucking softly on his pale skin, knowing full well that the bruises would be obvious later. He shifted beneath you, trying to subtly relieve the discomfort in his jeans. Unfortunately for him, his hard-on was rubbing right up against your thigh, making his actions incredibly clear.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he mumbled, and you lifted your head to look at him. “Do you want me to stop?” you asked, getting ready to climb off his lap. “No! No, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do something, y’know?”

God, he was so sweet. “Hey, you’re not forcing me to do anything,” you told him, pressing your lips to his jaw. “Ever gotten a blowjob before?”

“I hadn’t even been kissed before today and you think I’ve had one?” He stared at you incredulously, and you shrugged your shoulders. “I’m all for unconventional relationships.”

“No, I haven’t had a blowjob before,” he said, glaring at you playfully. Snickering, you raised your hands in mock defense. “Then I’m honored to give you your first.” He shifted once again, and you finally slid down to the floor.

He probably could’ve come at the mere sight of you on your knees, mouth falling open as you took off his jeans. His boxers were tight, erection practically begging to be set free. He was big, there was no doubt about it.

You kissed up his thighs and stroked him gently over the fabric before tugging it down, watching as his head tipped back at the lightest of touches. You paused as his dick sprung free, “You’re pretty.” He looked down at you, confused, breath catching in his throat as he saw the way you looked at him; every part of him. His dick was thick and pale, tip a deep blush, leaking with precum, and just as pretty as the rest of him. He hissed as you wrapped a hand around him, your tongue darting out to taste him. You swirled it teasingly, jerking him just as slow, while he fought the urge to buck into your mouth.

You pitied him a bit after he mumbled an almost inaudible “please”, and finally took him into your mouth. He kept one hand on the back of your head, the other clenched in a tight fist. His hips jumped a few times, sending him farther down your throat than you would’ve liked, but with each movement came a curse and a mumbled apology. A chorus of moans spilled out of him as he got closer to coming, and you wondered why you hadn't done this sooner.

You picked up the pace while he writhed beneath you, and the way your name fell from his lips had you moaning around him too. He looked beautiful, all flushed and disheveled, groaning loudly as he came down your throat.

His chest heaved as you pulled off of him, bottom lip caught between his teeth as you cleaned him up, leaving a small kiss on the head before tucking him away. He looked at you confused as you sat back on the couch, “You didn’t get to...” His voice trailed off at the end, and you laughed lightly at his shyness. “It’s okay, Mikey will probably be back soon. If it means that much to you though, I could sneak downstairs tonight. You know he passes out before midnight.”

He beamed at you, content with your plan, and brushed his thumb across your lips, still a bit wet and swollen from your previous activities. “Thank you for doing that,” he said before pressing his mouth to yours, already more comfortable than he had been at school. You gave him a peck on the cheek as he pulled away, watching as they tinged pink and he looked anywhere but you.

After a couple of minutes, you heard a car pull into the driveway, and it was time for him to disappear downstairs again. “I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “Not if you don’t get your ass downstairs,” you grinned, pushing him off the couch. He blew you a kiss as he walked away, your smile only widening. Gerard Way was going to be the death of you.

#gerard way x reader #gerard way #gerard way smut #mcr x reader #mcr smut #my chemical romance

[restwellsoon]

Jason Todd’s Masterlist

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Minors and ageless blogs do not interact or follow! You will be blocked!

Legend

♡ fluff  ❣ smut ▽ hurt/comfort ◆ tw/kink, please read fic notes/ tags

Sweet One Shots & Drabbles

alive and well ♡

Sundays Down the Aisle ♡

The Sky is Grey ♡ ▽

Corn Dogs & Kissing Booths ♡

hallelujah ♡ ▽

Spicy One Shots & Drabbles

Playmates ❣ ◆

Sir ❣ ◆

Sea Foam on Your Skin ❣ ▽ ◆

under your (dry) spell ❣ ◆

Unholy Confessions ❣ ◆

Since I Ever Was Your Star ❣ ◆

Fire & Envy ❣

Introductions ❣

Dressed in White ❣

Call Out My Name ❣ ◆

The Dream of the Astronaut’s Lover ❣ ◆

Check out the tags for specific content  

x Reader

xM!Reader

x GN!Reader

Smut

HCs

AO3 Exclusives!

amor vincit omnia ❣ ▽ ◆

Direct link to AO3 here!

Status | in progress!

Summary: As the goddess of love, it only makes sense that you should feel at odds with the god of war. After all, the two domains appear to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. Chance encounters while working lead to a growing curiosity about this hated god, and soon the two of you become a topic of gossip not only in Olympus but in the mortal realm as well.

“I appreciate your decorum, but you needn’t be so polite with me. I’m used to the rugged language of the battlefield. If this is your way of kindly telling me to fuck off, speak plainly, so we don’t waste our time.”

Ares’ banter drew a smile out of you, his brusque manner of speech refreshing from all of the niceties you exchanged tonight. Twisting, you rested your back against the railing, propping yourself upright with your elbows as you spoke with tease.

“Sweet god, do you know who you’re speaking to?” You shot your most charming smile at him in case he forgot. “When the goddess of love commands you to fuck, you may end up in a wildly different situation than intended.”

Stake Your Claim ❣ ▽ ◆

Direct link to AO3 here!

Status | COMPLETE!

Summary: In a desperate attempt to improve your social status, you sneak into a wane gala in the hopes of getting turned by a vampire. Anything was better than being an omega and a base. Instead of getting turned, you meet a werewolf who’s determined to show you what you’re truly worth.

“Do you like to play with your food before you eat it?” You asked, trying to wash away the bitterness that Jason brought out. He seemed to hit all the sensitive parts of you, your insecurities and your weaknesses.

Finishing his drink, he set the glass down with a loud clunk. Instead of using his hand, his tongue peaked out to lap at the stray droplet on his lip, his eyes never leaving yours until he winked. “Isn’t that why it’s called foreplay, sweetness?”

Words with Friends ♡ ❣ ▽ ◆

Direct link to AO3 here!

Status | COMPLETE!

Summary: Jason Todd was someone you’d consider an acquaintance at best, having run in similar crowds during college. After meeting at a gala, you’re surprised to learn how much he’s changed since then, especially when he makes a proposal that the two of you should have sex.

“I’m just trying to get laid, have fun and do some kinky shit. Maybe even have a few good memories to look back on when I’m old and my dick isn’t working anymore. And -don’t let this get to your head now- for whatever reason, I feel comfortable doing this with you.”

The Spaces Between Us ❣ ▽ ◆

Direct link to AO3 here!

Status | COMPLETE!

Summary: The Red Hood has been on your tail for months. Confrontations get heated with each meeting. What seems hopeless finally becomes hopeful when he ambushes you in your safe house.

A kiss, crushing and desperate. Your hand pressed against the back of his head to keep him there. It was a kiss that left your mouth red. Red like the color of passion. Red like the color of guilt. Red like the color of anger. A kiss that reminded you of Red, the man who didn’t love you

Dripping in Gold  ❣ ▽ ◆

Direct link to AO3 here!

Status | COMPLETE!

Summary: A sequel to The Spaces Between Us. You filled in the parts of yourself that left you broken with   forgiveness. But as life moves on, there’s someone out there who wants   to know if there’s space for reconciliation. Someone who’s refusing to   be known as Red anymore. Someone by the name of Jason Todd.

It wasn’t a kiss. It was a draw, a deadlock. Fights in the past weren’t easily erased. You could still make out the words as you slept, your mind filling in the parts that were scratched out. It couldn’t be remembered as it was but it was feelings not facts that were key to relationships.

#jason todd x reader #rest writes #rest writes! ...on AO3 only #jason todd smut

[csprslvt]

you and i and her, pt.13

Chapter twelve

Summary: You journey to Hillcrest, and it gets messy. The other sides of Ellies fractured personality make you wonder what will be left of her when she realizes your association with Abby and all you left behind for her.

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, murder and foul language.

That night, when you slept it was in Ellie’s arms and the crippling loneliness you had once felt dissolved into the feeling of being loved. You were sure from the way Ellie looked into your eyes that she was in love with you. And it wasn't fair to her that you were unsure on where you stood, emotions as big as love scared you. Despite that, you kissed her back. You didn't have a lot of time as Abby got closer and closer. Eventually Ellie would realize how much of a fraud you were, but you were sure of one thing, you cared about Ellie so deeply and passionately. And that was enough for now.

In the morning, Ellie once again woke up first. She felt a weight on her chest, it was you laying on top of her, and arm around her waist while the other rested by your side. She reached up and stroked your hair, her mind filled only with thoughts of you. You woke up soon after looking up and Ellie and smiling, her heart fluttered.

“Hey Els.”

“Hi.” Ellie said, grinning like a total dork

You got up and stretched, Ellie watched you the way you cracked your knuckles and rolled your neck trying to relieve the pain from sleeping on a tiny old couch. Ellie sat up and yawned.

“So, Hillcrest”

“That's where we’re heading to next right?”

“Mhm” Ellie nodded.

“Do you think Tommy is out there too?”

“I think so, he wouldn't have stayed in Jackson, he was Joel’s brother. They were a team.”

“Yea, well we should find him before the last of the WLF comes for him.”

“I'm sure they're already looking after the stunt he pulled at the Hotel” Ellie responded, you cringed remembering the sights of those beaten up WLF members.

The two of you prepared, walking out of the theater with intertwined hands.

Hillcrest was a suburb. It was probably the ideal place to settle down before the Cordyceps took over. Now it was abandoned and overtaken by flora. You could hear gunshots, confirming that you were in the right place.

“That had to have been Tommy,” Ellie says.

“I hope he's okay.” 

Ellie only nodded in response. She was in survival mode and you were following, right beside her, like always. You wandered into several stores and old buildings looking for clues or hints or Tommy himself. The air was so thick and sticky. Moss thrived in the moisture of such a habitat, it covered the walls. No infected in sight. At least not yet. However while you wandered, you heard the voice of a WLF soldier once again.

“This is dumb, we should be pushing in.” One spoke

“We hold the perimeter until we hear otherwise.” Scolded the other 

Ellie looked through a crack in the boards of the building you were in, There were two people and a dog.

Shit, a fucking dog?

It immediately spotted Ellie, barking

“I got something!”

“Shit!” You and Ellie started to run

“Infected?”

“Let's get in there!” 

You both hid in a room, closing the door watching through a window.

‘Okay girl, sniff him out” One soldier spoke.

This bitches dog is about to die if it gets any closer.

The dog started to follow the scent of Ellie, getting closer and closer.

“Smell something in there girl?” 

Fuck I really dont wanna kill a dog.

You both rounded the corner, trying to lose the damn thing but it kept following. You knew the WLF dogs, you had patrolled and played and bonded with them. And Ellie would probably kill this one. You felt a twinge of guilt. 

“ You think this guy is connected with the girl from the school?” one soldier questioned the other

That girl is right here.

“It'd be a hell of a coincidence if they werent.”

You were tense, but remained calm, following Ellie’s lead as she crept out the building into another. 

“Fuck these WLF” she muttered hatefully, you said nothing, simply nodding along.

It was stressful, sneaking away trying to not be seen. You let go a breath you didn't realize you were holding when you finally had barricaded yourself into a safer place.  Traveling up some stairs you stayed silent letting Ellie take the lead. This was her time, her thing, her plan, her revenge. You just wanted to be by her side.When moving a gate open a large dumpster rolled out making a loud banging sound.

“Shit Ellie”

“Fuck” she groaned.

“Anybody hear that?” you could make out from a distance.

Quickly evading the area, you'd both stepped into a store. The shelfs were empty. A shambler was nearby you could hear its deafening groaning sounds as it moved.

Ellie pulled the pin of an explosive and threw it at the shambler. Not the most subtle attack but it worked. You shot its face like flesh soon after until it fell to the ground, vibrating in its steps. There was really no point in going into that building but you didnt wanna aggravate Ellies focus by questioning her. There was an explosion in the area and you'd both had the bright idea of walking towards it. Dark,soot filled smoke rose in the air.

“Hope you did that Tommy” Ellie mumbled

Quite a few clickers walked around, hunched over. There wasn't time to deal with them. 

Into another shed you went, Ellie conveniently found an entire bow. She nodded approvingly at it and you continued on.

The one thing you hadn't expected to find, was Jesse, he spotted the two of you in the midst of a fight with the WLF and joined in. It was comical, almost perfect how he happened to be there with the same purpose, he was the lone male traveler the WLF was searching for. The three of you hopped into a WLF car, Jesse stole the keys, and your heart was racing with the need to get out, to get somewhere safe.

“Jesse fucking drive!” Ellie screamed more infected and WLF coming your way. You didn't say a thing, too overstimulated to speak. You hopped into the back seat aiming your shotgun out of the rear window, shooting while Jesse struggled to start the car.

“Jesse please!” You groaned, more and more were crowding. He was suddenly nearly pulled out the side driver window when another WLF member attacked but Ellie shot him as if he wasn't even a person.

The car started. Jesse started driving chaotically while you held off people shooting at the tires, learning to pick them off one by one. They weren't human to you anymore, they didn't have lives or lovers or families. They were simply threatening Ellie and you would betray anyone to save her. And thank fucking god you knew how to swim because before you knew it the car was plunged into a reservoir. Ellie immediately grabbed your arm and pulled you up with her. Jesse followed quickly. Water filled your lungs and you had the bodily urge to open your mouth, it subsited when you made it to land. Hacking your lungs out, hurling up clear lake water. Breathless the trio of you all rested for a moment on the land. 

“y/n you okay?”

“Im alright”

“I've never been better, thanks for asking” Jesse chimed in despite not being asked. Still managing to be sarcastic despite the pain in his lungs from inhaling liquid.

“I think we are in the clear” Ellie spoke, ignoring Jesse’s comment. You brushed your wet hair out of your eyes. 

“C’mon Jesse here” You leant him a hand, helping him get up as he was the most affected by the sudden swim.

“Thanks y/n”

You let Jesse lean on you a bit as Ellie was busy leading you back to the theater which was an uncomfortable walk in wet cold clothing. 

One thing you noticed about Ellie was her difference on the battlefield. She was quiet, her face as stern as stone, the emotions that once clouded her vision were completely cleared. She was a weapon, she was trained to be that way. Most likely from her surroundings. And as you settled down at the Movies, you wondered what her upbringing was like realizing that you genuinely had not spoken much about it. But you wouldn't shove with her. She was difficult to read sometimes, retracting into herself and pushing you away sometimes. But on the other hand she was so kind and soft and loving it was hard to see her go from one extreme to the other.

You wondered how heartbroken you would be when that caring side of her went away. You were truly awful at living in the moment. There was nothing more that you feared that seeing the love from her fade into resentment.

Then you would be alone. 

#ellie x reader #gaming #eventual smut #fem reader #the last of us 2 #ellie williams #angst #abby x reader #abby anderson #ellie tlou2

[mxnaluv]

♡ Stuck Arataki Itto ♡

Arataki Itto X Female!Reader Oneshot

CW: vaginal sex, cunnilingus, crackfic kinda, kissing, It's pretty vanilla

DNI! Minors you will be blocked!!

Arataki Itto.

He was my crush since we were kids but I never was able to tell him about how I truly felt. Until one day I would’ve never imagined that we would be stuck in a trap together.

“Oh shit! How are we going to get out of here!” I said. Itto banged on the cold walls of the cellar while we both yelled for help in hopes of someone hearing us.

“It’s hopeless no one is going to hear us,” I said and sat down on the ground itto follow while sighing “I’m sure someone will come in soon y/n! You just gotta cheer up!”

y/n started to sniffle trying to hold back her tears from the thought of never getting out “hey hey are you crying? What's wrong?” Itto asked

“What if we don’t make it out of here? If I knew that we were going to get stuck here with no help then I would’ve never taken this commission” Y/n wipes her tears and puts her head on her knees

“What???? Don’t say that y/n because then I would’ve gone on this adventure with you! Just hang in there and I’ll see if there's anything-”

“No Itto it’s okay, quit the optimism, we both know that there is no way out” Itto stopped smiling and all of a sudden the air was tense

“You know I wasn't always this optimistic”

Y/n scoffs and rolls her eyes “There's no way? You’ve always been like this since we were kids”

Itto picked up a rock and showed it to y/n “You see this rock? As a kid, I was always bullied and I wasn’t in the best of conditions. I had no friends and I was always alone.”

Itto threw it and it landed right next to another rock “Until someone came around and changed me, I was no longer crying every day but instead, I was smiling. They showed me what it meant to have someone to care about you and as I grew up I always wanted to make sure that the people around me gave me the same respect that the kid did, I carried the thought of everything always has a good side. it’s not always bad all the time.”

“Itto…am I the kid?” y/n said looking up at him. Itto looked and smiled back at her, y/n stood up and looked at itto. For a few seconds, it felt like time had stopped. She finally mustered up the courage and wrapped her arms around Itto, hugging him with tears as Itto stiffened from the sudden affection

“Oh my god Itto, why didn’t you tell me sooner!” Itto felt shocked but loosened up and hugged her back “Thank you y/n”

“No, don't thank me! Now I feel like a total ass after acting like that toward you!” Itto hugged her tighter and buried his face in the top of her hair.

“I Love you y/n” y/n backed up from the hug and blushed. She put her soft hands on his face and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead “I love you too”

Itto without hesitation kissed y/n. The kiss went deeper and deeper as he tasted her soft lips. “Oh fuck your lips taste so good,” he said between breaths that became heavier and heavier as they went on. Y/n pulled away to breathe “Do you want to do this?”

“Of course,” Itto said with a raspy voice. It was clear that he was already hot and bothered. Y/n pulled him back in for the kiss as they both started to pull off each other’s clothing piece by piece until you were both in their underwear.

Itto picked up y/n and wrapped her legs around him as he put her on the nearest wall while still passionately sharing a kiss. He started to kiss her neck while y/n started to softly moan from the pleasure. “Hmm… yes right there~,” she said in between her moans.

Itto pulled away and looked at y/n and his face turned a bright shade of red while looking into her eyes after realizing what he was doing “How are you already embarrassed? Should I take the lead instead?~” y/n said seductively

“I’m thinking about all the ways I should fuck you,” he said now with lust in his eyes. y/n blushed now instead of Itto. He started to kiss the top of your breasts and started to undo your bra at the same time.

He took it off and threw it on top of your other clothes and made his way down to your nipples then sucked on one of them while playing with the other making y/n start to moan softly again.

Itto moved and y/n sat her legs back down. She made eye contact and smiled then put her hand on his chest and slowly moved it down to his boxers, rubbing the outside as she felt him getting harder. She went on her knees and pulled down his pants, his cock springing out as he winced from it being sensitive.

Y/n’s eyes go wide as she sees it “Holy shit it’s big! I mean I’ve only heard rumors but it's so much bigger up close!”

“Rumors?” Itto said concerned

“Oh um, it was going around a while back when your ex was telling everyone” “We- Woah!” Y/n cut him off by putting his dick in her mouth, making him surprised. She took it out of her mouth and started teasing him by tracing her finger on the tip.

After a minute of teasing, y/n put it back in her mouth and started to move slowly earning a low groan from Itto. He put his hand on the back of her head and guided her to move faster. With every motion, he got louder.

“Y/n..ngh…I’m close” He said, barely getting it out of his mouth. Y/n took it out of her mouth and smiled

“You can’t cum yet, you haven’t fucked me” Itto kissed her and slid her panties off. He started to play with her folds and tease her as she did to him.

“Itto y-you can’t do that, I’m supposed to take the lead,” she said whimpering

“Who said you were taking the lead?” Itto replied. He slid a finger in and started to move fast. y/n gasped and threw her head back as she moaned.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Yes oh my god go faster!~” y/n said in pleasure, Itto went rougher while maintaining a harder grip on her waist. He was hitting all the right spots making both of them fill the small room with loud whimpers and moans.

“Okay. I think I'm gonna..oh fuck.. cum this time~”

“me too” Itto’s movements started to get sloppier as y/n gripped the clothes on the ground. After a few hits, they both came at the same time.

As they breathe heavily y/n takes it out and turns around to kiss itto one more time

“Um…” a familiar voice said as they both turned and looked through the metal bars to see Gorou with a flushed face.

”GOROU?!” They both said in unison. y/n grabbed the clothes and clung them to her chest

“I'm sorry I feel like I interrupted something” Gorou hid his face and then started to walk away

“NO COME BACK, we've been stuck here for hours!” y/n said crying

“Oh right, I should probably get you guys out first” Gorou pulled the lever on the outside of the room and the metal bars finally opened

“Thanks dude, I owe you one!” Itto got up

“Itto don’t get up yet!!” Y/n quickly pulled him back down and gave him his clothes. “How did you even find us?” y/n asked.

“I was given the same commission and looked around the domain until I heard noises and then… you know what happens next” Gorou looked embarrassed and started to walk away again

“I’m going to leave you guys to change, we can meet up later” Itto and y/n looked at each other and laughed.

#ataraki itto #itto x reader #itto smut #itto headcanons #arataki itto #gorou #arataki x reader #the almighty arataki great and glorious drumalong festival #genshinimpact #genshin impact hc #genshin scenarios #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanart #genshin fanart #smutwarning #smuttyfanfic #one shot

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: I’m a college adjunct professor in the liberal arts and I confess I like plenty of your posts on your blog which give food for thought, the rest of it I violently disagree. Despite your Oxbridge education in the Classics I’m perplexed that a blog dedicated to high culture should spend time glorifying war. I get that you served in Afghanistan with the Royal Army as a combat pilot so that’s your lived experience. My question is why do you post on military history, especially classical civilization, which just glorifies dead white men? Isn’t the study of classics passé today? I don’t see what our progressive society can possibly learn from dead Greeks and Romans.

Thank you for reaching out and I appreciate your comments. Let me get a few things out of the way before I get to the heart of your question. I’ve never understood the term violently disagree, what does that even mean? Does it mean resorting to violence to further or finish an argument? I hope not.

I don’t mean to pick on you but I find it weird that it’s often modern educated liberal leftists (and their far right counterparts I should add) who’ve never seen real violence or been violent themselves - because they’re benignly bourgeois and happy to comment on things that outrage them from the safety of the sidelines - but leave the actual fighting in a real war to others.

In the British case it’s the working class and the upper middle and upper classes (the historic structure of the British army) but in the US the vast majority of those who serve come from blue collar and middle class backgrounds but not the well off college educated elite, so that progressives and everyone else for that matter can enjoy the comfortable bourgeois lives they lead but happily shit on the sacrifices of the very same people who fight for the way of life they take for granted.

Anyway, I’m venting, and for that I apologise. Of course we can disagree but I hope not violently. I prefer civility regardless of how passionate one’s beliefs are. There’s no point winning an argument if you don’t win over the person too. In that spirit let us continue.

I’m not going to defend the study of Classics as a whole here. I’ve addressed that question elsewhere in my blog and perhaps it would make my tutors at Cambridge blush but here’s my piss poor attempt nonetheless (click on this link to the blog post)

Otherwise there are plenty of excellent Ancient Greek and ancient world related blogs well worth your time to browse through and even learn from about the importance of the ancient world. Here are just a few:

I would recommend the following:

https://gemsofgreece.tumblr.com/

https://www.tumblr.com/alatismeni-theitsa

https://wordsmithic.tumblr.com/

https://thoodleoo.tumblr.com/

Just another house keeping point. It may sound trivial but it’s important. It’s just the British Army not the Royal British army. I’m assuming you’re American and so it’s understandable that you’re more likely to make that error because you’re not British. We have a Royal Navy and even a Royal Air Force but curiously not a Royal Army. Why that is so is rooted in our peculiar British history going back to Charles I and II. The Royal Navy was always loyal to the monarchy during the war with Parliament and so it kept the Royal bit. The army not so much. Indeed the origin of the British army was Cromwell and his famed New Model Army, in other words, it was an instrument of Parliament. Since the restoration of the throne all army officers and soldiers swear an oath of loyalty to the reigning monarch.

But it’s also true there is alternative legitimate argument that there never has been a British army per se, just a tribal collection of regiments with their own roots to a community, proud traditions and rituals unique to that regiment, and fiercely guarded independence.

The argument goes that the British Army actually goes further back than the English civil war of Cromwell and Charles I. A monarch would raise a force by calling on his nobleman to call their own men from their lands to arms and fight for him (a regiment). Only a very, very small proportion of an army would be directly paid and commanded by the monarch. By contrast, as far back as the Saxon period, English/British monarchs have maintained a fleet of warships at their own expense.

From the Restoration onwards there were still lingering distrust between Parliament and the monarchy, especially over the issue of a standing army, which was seen as totally opposed to the liberty of the nation. The Bill of Rights in 1689 stipulated that a standard army could only be paid for by Parliament, even if the monarch was the nominal commander-in-chief. This meant that Parliament had to repeatedly allocate money from the Treasury to fund the army, which meant that it regularly had to pass Acts to do so. If Parliament didn’t pass those Acts, the army would cease to exist. It existed at the behest of Parliament and was, therefore, not the monarch’s property. It was therefore not Royal.

Today a Corps Warrant is the formal document that legally establishes the various regiments and corps of the British Army for the purposes of the Armed Forces Act 2006. This reflects the historical origins of these unique regiments or corps, which were raised on the authority of the Sovereign, usually by a named individual and by means of a royal warrant or commission granted for that purpose.

Now to get to the heart of the questions you raised.

I hope to God I don’t glorify war. If I am guilty of anything it is recognising the sacrifices those in uniform have made for the societies they serve (forgetting for the moment the legitimacy of war or how war is waged by their political masters). Anyone who has gone to war or experienced war does not glorify war. They bear the brunt of what the cost of war is - they witness the death of a comrade in arms or silently observe the ashen corpses that were once living and breathing men, women, and children. Surviving is the only glory of war. 

I have to take issue with your very rosy picture that society and culture would run just fine without war, when history has shown it is its engine. No one put it in a more pithy way than Orson Welle’s amoral character Harry Lime in that class film The Third Man, “In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love and 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!”

Society - let alone a culture - does not operate in a vacuum. Something gives birth to society. In this case war gives birth to society, however unpalatable that truth affects your progressive sensibilities. “War is the father of all things”, Heraclitus wrote.

In fact, most of human history is about war; war shaped societies; war made people rich; war made people poor; war destroyed cultures; war shaped cultures; war brought religions; war entertained; war was waged for nothing; war was waged for everything. Do you know honestly believe in your understanding of world history that only these so-called dead white men of Greece and Rome waged war? If you do, then I question how historically illiterate your understanding is of non-Western history.

It is only fitting that humankind’s first true historian was a general and it just so happens he was a Greek. Thucydides of Athens was one of the ten “Strategoi”, the elected military leaders of the democratic Athens. When the Athenians lost an important battle in 422 BC, Thucydides was blamed for the loss and sent to exile. To serve for the Athenian democracy was in a certain sense not unlike serving under modern dictators: one “wrong” result could lead to banishment or even death. Thucydides, therefore, watched the great conflict between Athens and Sparta from the sidelines. Between 431 and 404 BC, both poleis fought a multidimensional war in which all Greek states and many of the neighbouring nations got sucked in. Sparta won in the end, but lost the following peace. The Greek poleis had lost so much blood, treasure, and will that they were no longer able to fight off the monarchies around them (like they did against the Persians in 490 and 480 BC).

For Thucydides there were three reasons for war: fear, interest, honour. Undoubtedly, this was a most insightful concept that holds truth till today.

We owe a lot to the Greeks and Romans - not as much as many would like to think because of the impact of Western Christianity from where we draw much of our shared beliefs such as human rights and individual integrity (please read Cambridge educated classicist Tom Holland’s excellent book Millennium: The End of the World and the Forging of Christendom) - and it is rightly seen as one of the bedrocks of Western civilisation.

The university today and Western society at large has forgotten that history itself had begun with Herodotus and Thucydides as the story of armed conflicts. These so-called ‘dead white men’ actually teach us something about ourselves as individuals and as a society. And that is as Thucydides wrote, “War is a violent teacher.” Thucydides knew from personal experience that war could teach people to do terrible things.

There are many reasons why people are drawn to military history. People may feel drawn to military history because they wants to learn about virtues forged out of war such as duty, honour, and sacrifice (don’t laugh), or because of interest in technology or because of a pathological need to experience violence (more often than we care to admit), if only vicariously. The importance - and challenge - of the academic study of war is to elevate that popular enthusiasm into a more capacious and serious understanding, one that seeks answers to such questions as: Why do wars break out? How do they end? Why do the winners win and the losers lose? How best to avoid wars or contain their worst effects?

A peace time public illiterate about the conflicts of the past can easily find itself paralysed in the acrimony of the present. Without standards of historical comparison, it will prove ill equipped to make informed judgments.

It’s not that military history offers cookie-cutter comparisons with the past. Instead, knowledge of past wars establishes wide parameters of what to expect from new ones. Themes, emotions, and rhetoric remain constant over the centuries, and thus generally predictable. Athens’s disastrous expedition in 415 BC against Sicily, the largest democracy in the Greek world, may not prefigure the West’s war in Iraq. But the story of the Sicilian calamity does instruct us on how consensual societies can clamour for war - yet soon become disheartened and predicate their support on the perceived pulse of the battlefield.

Military history is as often the story of appeasement as of warmongering. The destructive military careers of Alexander the Great, Caesar, Napoleon, and Hitler would all have ended early had any of their numerous enemies united when the odds favoured them.

Indeed, by ignoring history, the modern age is free to interpret war as a failure of communication, of diplomacy, of talking - as if aggressors don’t know exactly what they’re doing. Margaret Atwood, a writer I do admire, once put it, “War is what happens when language fails”. This was a view echoed by many between the two World Wars. It was an argument popularised by historians such as AJP Taylor at the time. But we now know that not to be true.

For the easily triggered narcissist generation raised on woke popular culture, real life problems between states, like those in our personal lives, should be argued about by equally civilised and peaceful rivals, and so solved without resorting to violence and done in the spirit of inclusivity and diversity.

Yet it’s hard to find many wars that result from miscommunication. Far more often they break out because of malevolent intent and the absence of deterrence. To her credit, it was Margaret Atwood who would write in her poem: “Wars happen because the ones who start them / think they can win.” That’s it in a nutshell. Nothing fancy or intellectual or intersectional just a simple brutal truth: power trumps all. It was Hitler who put it in stark terms, “If you win, you need not have to explain...If you lose, you should not be there to explain!”

In the twenty-first century, it’s easier than ever to succumb to technological determinism, the idea that science, new weaponry, and globalisation have altered the very rules of war. But military history teaches us that our ability to strike a single individual from 30,000 feet up with a GPS bomb or a jihadist’s efforts to have his propaganda beamed to millions in real time do not necessarily transform the conditions that determine who wins and who loses wars.

True, instant communications may compress decision making, and generals must be skilled at news conferences that can now influence the views of millions worldwide. Yet these are really just new wrinkles on the old face of war. The improvised explosive device versus the armoured fighting vehicle (AFV) or the RPG rocket launcher against an Apache AH64 helicopter are simply an updated take on the catapult versus the stone wall or the harquebus versus the mailed knight. The long history of war suggests no static primacy of the defensive or the offensive, or of one sort of weapon over the other, but just temporary advantages gained by particular strategies and technologies that go unanswered for a time by less adept adversaries.

Military history reminds us of important anomalies and paradoxes. When Sparta invaded Attica in the first spring of the Peloponnesian war, Thucydides recounts, it expected the Athenians to surrender after a few short seasons of ravaging. They didn’t - but a plague that broke out unexpectedly did more damage than thousands of Spartan ravagers did. Twenty-seven years later, a maritime Athens lost the war at sea to Sparta, an insular land power that started the conflict with scarcely a navy. The 2003 removal of Saddam refuted doom-and-gloom critics who predicted thousands of deaths and millions of refugees, just as the subsequent messy four-year reconstruction didn’t evolve as anticipated into a quiet, stable democracy - to say the least. Hubris always goes before a fall.

Finally, military history has the moral purpose of educating us about past sacrifices that have secured our present freedom and security. If we know nothing of Hastings, Agincourt, Boyne, Trafalgar, Waterloo, Somme, Passchendaele, Battle of Britain, El Alamein, Imphal, Kohima, Falklands, and Helmand, the crosses in our military cemeteries are just pleasant grey stones on lush green lawns. They no longer serve as reminders that thousands endured pain and hardship for our right to listen to what we wish on our smartphones and to shop online in safety, and to protest for social grievances by desecrating statues - or that they expected future generations, links in this great chain of obligation, to do the same for those not yet born.

Most nations are born through war, reunited by war, and saved from destruction by war. No future generation, however comfortable and affluent (yes, that includes you from the safety of your ivory tower), should escape that terrible knowledge. I don’t enjoy saying that and I certainly don’t revel in it. I only say it because it’s what the span of human history teaches us and what my personal experience of the battlefield has been.

We must all abandon the naive faith that with enough money, education, or good intentions, we can change the nature of mankind so that conflict, as if by fiat, becomes a thing of the past. In the end, the study of war reminds us that we will never be gods. We will always just be men (and women), it tells us. Some men and women will always prefer war to peace; and other men and women, we who have learned from the past, have a moral obligation to stop them. Because if we don’t then something much worse will always meet us further down the line and we may not be able to stop them.

I don’t apologise for my less than rosy view of human nature but long before history littered the battlefields of Marathon and Thermopylae or Alesia and Canae with dead white males, we would do well to heed the words of Cormac McCarthy who wrote in Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West, “War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.”             

Thanks for your question.

#ask #question #war #military history #western society #greek #roman #civilisation #human nature #human condition #british army #western civilisation #thucydides #personal #heraclitus #classical #history #society #culture

[circulars-reasoning]

Kindness and Anger

Look.

There is a major issue right now, in syscourse, about being too kind.

It's funny for me to say that -- after all, I'm the "respectability politics" syscourser, am I not? (And no, I have literally never forgotten that label being shoved on me). And the thing is, I really try not to be an asshole in syscourse, or overly pedantic, or just flat out mean -- because I'm a nice person, for fucks sake.

But that still doesn't negate that anger -- and yes, the occasional unkindness -- is needed. This constant shoving down of anger, this constant ridicule of passion and heat, is leading to a lot of incredibly traumatized people being incredibly hurt. Case in point: Me.

What follows is sort of half trauma dump, half vent, and all parts frustration that I'm trying to let out healthily. If you'd like the short version:

TL;DR: While syscourse can be harmful, it can also lead to a lot of joy. It can lead to new understandings. People telling me to back off, to not take it so seriously, are undermining a lot of that and echoing a lot of my past trauma. We should all be more willing to understand the impact these discussions have in real life.

I shoved down a lot of feelings these past few months. Shocker of all shockers, seeing lies being spread about myself and the people I love and the places I've worked to curate sort of pisses me off! But the message from everyone around me was "ignore the trolls, don't pay attention, don't engage--" And it promptly became translated into, "You aren't allowed to openly feel bad, and anyone being upset is a bad thing that needs to be fixed." I don't think this was intentional for many people. They were worried about me hurting.

But the issue was, these people -- traumatized people who have repeatedly been taught that their emotions are harmful -- were telling me that my emotions were harmful. Unsurprisingly, I suddenly was shoved back into this role of looking at and moderating every emotion.

I unmuted every vent room in every server I moderated for (and those I don't). I obsessively stalked many blocks I had blocked, simply to ensure I could brace myself for whatever thing might potentially upset someone else (not even myself -- I didn't care about those emotions). I even forced many of my friends -- the people who were watching me get hit and harassed and battered down every single goddamn day, who were worried about me, who wanted desperately to speak out against the heinous goddamn shit I was experiencing, who they themselves were experiencing -- to stay silent and bottle up their own emotions too.

You know what that all reminds me of?

Being available for those venting reminds me of that time I made sure notifications were on the night a friend sent me a suicide note -- one they later admitted was completely false, that they just were bored and wanted someone to talk to, and that would get me the most engaged. I was stressed by finals but instead of studying or taking care of myself, I stayed on the phone, texting with them for 3 straight hours, bawling my eyes out in fear. I was 18, and I never really grew out of this. I still sacrifice time and energy for people that not only don't deserve it, but who manipulate me into being there for them, no matter what. I don't know if I'll ever heal from that mentality.

Stalking the blogs I had blocked to make sure I knew everything, all of the time, no matter what? What a shocker for someone who memorized the squeaky spots on the floor, made sure to eavesdrop while walking silently through the house, learned to hide in the bathroom where they thought I couldn't hear them, made sure to open the window just a crack so I could hear them outside. To this day, I try to know everything, try to have google on hand, just in case someone asks me for more of my "somehow encyclopedic knowledge" on everything. People rely on me for that. I'm connected to everything, so nobody else has to be.

Making everyone else step back? How inventive, a traumatized person isolating themselves. I forced every single person around me (just like I always do) to pretend it was all fine, because if it wasn't all fine, then things would be bad, and if things were bad, I would melt down, and it would clearly be my fault, because wasn't it always, somehow, in the past?

(I'm still the most sorry about this one. I'm still trying to swallow that guilt and shame I have for letting it get that far, for hurting the people I love so much, just because I convinced myself I was just being stupid for being hurt, like I was always taught in my abuse. I'm so sorry to those of you who I forced to stay silent, just to keep the peace. You deserved so much better.)

Suffice to say -- it took removing myself from a lot of spaces for a cold shock to my system, splitting and not being able to be myself for a straight month, for me to even recognize this is what happened. It was so normalized for me, all my life. I had to emotionally regulate my parents, so it made sense that I had to emotionally regulate everyone else -- particularly when I was one of the people who was hurting.

All because "We can't let ourselves appear too angry -- that's not healthy for us."

As if how I became was healthy. As if the ball of anxiety and health problems I became, as if the nightmares and triggers I was experiencing were healthy. As if losing months at a time was fucking healthy for me. It took me until recently (and until today, writing this post, editing it, and reviewing it while panicking that I'm going to ruin everything if I ever post this) to even realize just how badly this hurt me.

I'm still flinching when I express a negative emotion to my partner. I had gotten over this. I had gotten better. Stabilized. But these past few months, forcing myself to be silent about my pain, forcing myself to not talk about anything negative... I slipped back. I let myself buy into the idea that my anger was ridiculous. That being so passionate was harmful. And look, Lord knows I've been vocal about how syscourse has hurt me. There were so, so many times where my anger took over, where I let myself become a person I look back on and cringe at, because that's just not who I want to be. But there's something called a window of tolerance -- or, as my queer ass therapist calls it, the rainbow of tolerance -- where you find a middle ground. You don't go to either extreme.

And I see a lot of major syscoursers lately (whether they consider themselves major or not) going to one extreme or the other, in their own ways.

In one camp, we have the polite overlords of kindness, hiding every shitty awful thing they say in a veneer of positivity and rainbows. Remarkably, no matter how nice something sounds, or how passionate someone is while being polite, it doesn't make it true, or somehow less harmful.

In another camp, we have the most obsessed goddamn people alive, raging about every little thing and making a post every 5 seconds about every little thing. The rage could be quiet or loud, but it's always just constant stirring of drama. (Looking at you, anti-endos posting incessantly recently about how much they hate endos...)

In yet another camp, and possibly the thing I want to address the most with this post, is those who are brushing syscourse off entirely. It's gaining more and more popularity nowadays. "How are you all caring so much about online discourse" types. "This isn't changing anything" types. The ones who insist that REAL activism happens in real life, and that this is so niche and small that it doesn't have any real impact to "just go and scream on tumblr about your feelings."

This is the one that's hurting me the most, right now, as I look back at a few years of being in syscourse. Because I managed to buy into it wholeheartedly these past few months. I managed to convince myself that this thing -- this place I love, the people I love -- were all wrong, and not only that, but were somehow self harming via this. That I was hurting myself by caring so deeply about misinformation, that I was actively self harming and encouraging others to do so, simply by engaging.

First and foremost: yes. Syscourse can absolutely be harmful. I am not trying to suggest it isn't. I have literally never suggested it isn't, and have vocally said it is harmful, multiple times, across several blogs.

Secondly, and far, far more importantly for this discussion: Syscourse can be beautiful.

I'm reminded of how I met a very, very dear friend -- @justanothersyscourse was the actual blog I'd talked to at the time -- and what I learned in that moment. I was sitting in a Covid testing line, terrified out of my wits, as a part who could barely comprehend anything he was reading online about disorders and dysfunction. He was trying desperately to understand, mostly because he had always been strong before, and now he felt so weak, being the way we were.

And he reached out to this major syscourser -- someone who seemed so angry about "something that's only online," about such a "niche topic that doesn't relate to the real world" -- and asked him, plainly, what was wrong with him. What was making him the way he was? Was everyone right about dysfunction and distress? Did he have to hate who he was just to be real?

And the overwhelming answer was, "No, and you are loved, because you exist, and you deserve it for that reason alone."

SAS didn't say as much in so many words -- actually there were a lot more words and sources thrown about, as well as olive branches all around. It burned me inside to reach out to him (he was anti-endo, after all, and I was not), but he still reached out to me with respect and kindness -- even if he sometimes acts immature, or rudely, or with language that would make a sailor blush.

I came out that day somehow feeling better than I had in years (despite, yes, having Covid). Because finally, a part of me understood... I wasn't broken. I didn't need to hate who I was, this fragmented self I was, because that's not what the criteria meant.

I want to ask each and every person who looks at syscourse with a disdain and dismissal, or who feels the need to post some swarmy holier-than-thou post about how above it they all are, or to remark on how everyone is too passionate and needs to take a step back, regardless of where they're actually at...

How in the 9 hells can I agree with you when I've had these experiences?

Again. I've been hurt by syscourse -- I feel the need to keep mentioning that, just because I know some of you fuckers are going to take this all to mean that I love syscourse too much, and that I'm too supportive of it, or god forbid that I'm fucking self harming by finally opening up about all of this. But the fact is, syscourse has helped me understand so much more about who I am, about the disorder I live with, and has led me to other avenues of research I never would've looked at otherwise. I've started studying Jung -- someone I had ZERO interest in before recently, I had to research far too much about him for my English degree as it is -- all because of the "Studies Proving Endogenic Systems" list I've been working through. I've started buying up self-help textbooks, because syscourse caused me to understand that my experience with therapists was NOT the norm, and most people DO need to work on self-help, and i wanted to understand their perspectives.

How is this not impacting people's lives?!

Of course I'm going to take this seriously. I take it as seriously as I take my teaching. I might not be changing the world, or changing laws. I might be working within a flawed system. But at the very least, if I can make one kid's life better -- give them someone like them to look up to, to relate to, who can give them the ability to make their own choices and learn more while advocating for myself --  then it's worth it.

And that's what I aim for in syscourse. If I can make one person -- singlet, system, plural, collective, whatever have you -- understand themselves or others a little bit better... Is that not, in it's own way, activism? Is that not, in it's own way, changing the world?

And if the answer is "no" then... what the fuck is the point of communication, or socializing, or trying to debate anything, anywhere?

Ugh. Lord, I've rambled so long, I can barely think about everything I've written. Bullet points time.

Syscourse can be harmful, and I won't say it isn't. As someone who has been obsessed with it in the past, who has used it to harm myself, and sometimes still does -- that harm doesn't go away on its own.

Syscourse is also beautiful. We CAN have good conversations, make close friends, and learn more about ourselves through these discussions.

If we don't try to combat that misinformation that's in this space, if we don't try our best to heal this space, then how is it ever going to recover?

I am a person that exists in real life. Syscourse isn't just a chronically online thing -- IT DOES have an impact in the real world! Stop devaluing passion and heat and anger just because you feel like you're so much more above it because you are clearly the person who knows better than everyone else, simply because you "Cracked the code" and somehow figured out how to syscourse unharmfully (newsflash, asshole, so did a lot of people -- it's just not in the way you agree with).

Let yourself be mad. Let yourself be impolite. Don't let it completely overtake every moment of your day, every second of your life, but fucking let yourself be mad. It's okay to be upset!

I don't know how so many of us managed to forget that along the way.

#syscourse #long post #I have a LOT of thoughts on this matter #And a lot that's been bottled up for months #I'm doing my best to not molitov cocktail it at you all #But I'm also trying not to explode myself #I'm so fucking terrified to post this #Because of how far back all of this has set me #But I know ripping off the bandaid might be the best way to start healing #So here we go

[lake-archive]

Track 4

Content warning! This chapter contains a moment of misgendering! Reader discretion is adviced!

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Series: Secret Archive

Characters: Ann Wolff (OC), Saburo Yamada, Gentaro Yumeno

AO3 Link

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

The search on its own took its good while and yet it was not that surprising. Or it should not have been. Luckily the reading had just been a mere disguise and honestly an opportunity by luck. But Gentaro had to see this one through… Not like he wouldn’t to be honest. But the priority had been something else entirely. An archive sponsored by the Chuohku, perhaps they hold valuable information there… Or so were his thoughts, no one really knew. Not even his own source. But it is best to check it than to let the lead get cold, even if it would result in nothing. That and maybe it was also a result of sick curiosity. But until then, why not have some fun? Or rather inquire some information about the newbie.

A ‘normal student’ wandering around campus and trying to hide themself? That in itself is a little odd, and Gentaro should have a pretty good idea. He had noticed them for some time yet had waited for an opportune moment. After all, may as well lure them into safety so they have no reason to run off. And they didn’t, no matter what. They just kept on following and that was enough to raise suspicion. Could this one be really trusted? It was hard to say And yet, their words did not seem to utter lies yet not the full truth either. There had to be a motive, that was the only thing he knew. But then again, who was he to talk and judge? He was the walking embodiment of a lie right now. There was more to them, that was all he could conduct right now. Them being here was no coincidence by any means, even if someone would tell him otherwise. It was almost like a set up, was it not? He couldn’t help but wonder… 

“Say, Ann–San, why have thou decided to pick this specific field of study?” It sounded like a throwaway question and perhaps it was for anyone else’s ears. It would be utter silence otherwise and it could nearly become unbearable, to say the least. Plus he may as well take the chance while he still can. He got their attention at the very least, them turning to him for a moment while looking through the shelves it seemed. 

“Why?” They first repeated, then seeming to think, as if trying to choose their words or something. Yet they came up with a response soon enough. “Well, I happen to love literature.”

“Oh? Is that all?”

“Not exactly… It helps me improve as well! There’s so much stuff I did not know of yet!” They added, sounding oddly motivated from one moment to the next. “So many genres to write! And by that I mean the different ways to tell a story! Uh, there’s so much to try but only so many hours to wa—” 

Yet they had paused all of a sudden, not to mention being interrupted by the young school boy right in the middle of that heartfelt speech. A shame, they sounded overly passionate, Gentaro would not have complained to hear everything after all. “Yes yes, nice but can you focus and not have that smalltalk now?” He even added, sounding somewhat annoyed. “We’ve got something to do here! Safe that for later!”

“Huh? Agai– Sorry!” Ann said, slightly bowing even. “I just… Get carried away with writing and stuff… Heh…”

“J… Just watch it next time!” 

“Y… Yes, will–”

“Please, keep it down. We art not in public but in a library.” Gentaro interrupted shortly after. “It would be problematic if—”

“What’s with the commotion over there?” But it had been too late by then as a there had suddenly been a voice calling out to them, a fourth. The other two froze from one moment to the next, Ann especially seemed to have been startled. They even uttered a quick ‘Shit!’ out of their own mouth, as if knowing who it was. Then again, perhaps they did know better than anyone what this meant. Needless to say, they would not be alone soon enough, an old man coming forth. At first it might seem that he would just scold the trio for being a little too loud. However, things would take a different turn when noticing who was standing there, let alone where perhaps? His face had gone pale out of nowhere.

“Wha— Yumeno–Sensei and Miss Wolff!? And… A random kid?”

“Random kid!?” Saburo only let out for a moment, as if insulted. 

“Whatever… Anyway, Yumeno–Sensei, has this student been showing you around? She should know better than that.” The old man continued, dismissing Saburo fairly quickly. However, that old man was obviously only addressing one of them, no one else. “I would like you to leave.”

“Leave? Why’s that? Got something to hide?” Saburo asked, his voice almost sharp for a second. It seems that both had caught on fairly quickly, maybe there was something hidden around here and they were close. 

The old man, assumingly a professor, gulped for a short moment, growing pale for a short second before shaking his head, somewhat. “N… No. This is just… Staff only!”

“Staff only? Then where’s the sign?” Finally, after a short moment even Ann had decided to speak up though their tone had shifted all of a sudden, almost… At the brink of snapping?

“Miss Wolff, for how many years have you been studying here!? You should know by now and yet–”

“Who’s this ‘Miss’ you’re speaking of?”

“Hm? Oh don’t play stupid now! You know exactly that I’m speaking to you here, Mi—”

“I told you a few times already, didn’t I? I’m not a woman!” Ah, so that’s where this was headed… And they did not exactly look pleased either, as if someone had been doing a more than great job enraging them, to say the least.

“Miss Wolff, this isn’t–”

“No Miss, would ya mind?”

“This is not the topic Miss–”

“I said I ain’t a woman!”

What happened next was something none of the two could have predicted and was most likely a move which came from the heat of the moment. Ann looked beyond angry, unable to hold themself back it seemed. Even if it was beyond reasoning at this moment they did not seem to care, judging from their face. After all, they had suddenly pulled out… A hypnosis mic? Yeah, this isn’t just ‘some student’ alright? “I’ve had it! Stay back, I’ll get him outta our hair right now!”

“Something small? No one cares? 

Too bad, I do. Go figure!

‘Miss this, Misses that’ 

Please shut the fuck up!

I tried to say this politely and not freak out.

But it’s fucking pissing me off! Goddamn!

And not just that but now also in the way!

No shame? We’re busy here old man!

So stop standing in the way!

Got to something to hide?

Hey say what are we gonna find?

Hold on a sec, shouldn’t you be busy somewhere else?

Go and run! Oh and by the way, get a dose of respect.

I’m beat, all tired! So have it in your face one last time:

I ain’t a goddamn woman! 

And now say goodbye!”

It was a reaction which had been out of impulse, perhaps having built up over time. A surprising one and yet it seemed to knock out the old man, enough to have him suddenly on the floor and not making a sound… Well, until he did and just snored away, at least he was still alive. 

The two males looked at Ann who had been panting while looking down for a short moment. “D… Did they just—” Saburo managed to let it slip from his lips, being nothing but shocked.

Though Gentaro calmed his gaze down soon enough, a slight grin on his face. “I see. There’s something more, isn’t there?”

“Something more? What’re you heading at?”

“Ah, nothing that thou shall worry about.”

“Ugh… You’ll just leave me in the dark! Well, not like I got time for that honestly…”

By then Ann had seemingly come to their senses, their eyes widening for a moment as they eyed the floor in shock, the sleeping body in front of them. “Eh? D… Did I just…”

“Yes, you did. Can you not cause us any more problems?” Saburo responded quickly, for sure annoyed by now. “Ugh, it would be a pain if this had gotten any worse.”

“Ah– S… Sorry! I just…” They were visibly embarrassed, to the point of being so close to bowing yet again. “W… Well, when someone says… Erm…”

“Y’know… I heard of people getting pissed at being referred to a certain way but did you have to do that!?”

“I… N… No…”

“Watch it, will you?”

“But I—”

“While I agree that thou should work on thy temper let's not get too hasty.” Gentaro decided to suggest. Honestly, he would lie if he said that he knew how hurtful this was. He didn’t and he was not going to pretend that this was the case. But it must strike a nerve, that much was more than certain. “Perhaps try to find a way that thou do not resort to such methods. Although it did work in our favor, did it not?”

“If you put it that way…”

“Then let us bring this old man somewhere safe and continue our search. We only have so much time.” 

Who knows who will show up if they don’t hurry after all…

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

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