#and we wouldn’t want that now would we

[starfyhero2]

‘Phineas is always so bossy towards Ferb maybe Ferb wants to do other things’

Besties Ferb was more offended at the possibility that Phineas came up with a boring idea for the day

#phineas and ferb #pnf #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #from the face your fear episode #and I think if Ferb didn’t want to do it he surely would have said something when he wouldn’t get interrupted by now #but I do hope we get more Ferb-centric episodes in s5 #like his birthday episode

[plaid-maniac]

Do you ever think about how there totally could have been an old classmate of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth in the audience during like turnabout sister or turnabout samurai. Do you think they would realize? Like “hey, were those the guys in my class in like fourth grade? I kinda remember them. Wonder if they remember each other. But it was so long ago, I doubt they would even care.” Meanwhile Edgeworth and Phoenix are undergoing the most insane mental battles where both of them are going “I recognize my best friend across the courtroom and I desperately want to be close with them again.” And “god he is so god damn annoying I wish he would die already.”

#ace attorney #miles edgeworth #Phoenix Wright #not specifically ship so I won’t tag it but kinda ship if you get it #the classmate usually sits in courtroom trials because they love the drama #and honestly they like miles Edgeworth’s cases cause ‘hey I know that guy’ #but of course they don’t like go up and talk to him cause they weren’t really that close and he left kinda abruptly #cause knowing someone for like a year in elementary school and then pestering them about why they left 15 years later is a weird thing to do #course Phoenix comes in and now the classmate now has to deal with the knowledge that the defense and prosecution used to always eat lunch #together and play superhero’s during recess with that really weird kid who was always up to no good #what if one day the classmate was like ‘maybe I should introduce them to each other again. sure that we would all get a laugh or two in and- #-that would be the end of it and they would continue with their lives as normal people. they certainly wouldn’t get super gay and awkward- #-about the whole thing and just be completely chill.’ #god what would happen and Edgeworth v state? #the classmate would probably leave the third day like ‘I am a changed person. I can never go back to not knowing so much about this person.’ #and like they wouldn’t be able to say or do anything cause like??? how do you even have that conversation??? #‘hey I know you don’t remember me but I like sitting in the audience of courtroom trials and I was there for your case and I just want to- #-ask are you good? like honestly do you need someone to talk to?’

[vvitchering]

I think maybe everyone should cool it with the “weird cult” comments regarding the covert, honestly. It wasn’t that funny to begin with but now that it’s the popular describer it’s starting to become a little uncomfy. No one is forced to join, no one is forced to stay. There’s a ton of parallels between them and real world cultures and religions and I just think MAYBE we need to be a little more aware of what message we’re sending when we say “haha that group of people who are in hiding because their lives were/are at stake and who practice anonymity to survive and follow certain rules that I don’t personally understand or like are a weird cult”.

#maybe we should lay off that word #I’m not the first person to say this obviously but now it’s starting to make me a little 😬 #really wish this season had done what it should have and explored Din’s relationship with his faith #then maybe we’d learn more about the covert and Mandalorian culture and people wouldn’t feel the need to use this kind of language #they’re not a cult they’re just a group of people trying to survive in a universe that would prefer they did not #and that hits home for a lot of real people watching #anyway there’s that #the mandalorian #everyone a Din stan til we talk about how his faith is still a huge part of his character and his life #although the show really really needs to address how all of the events so far have changed his mindset #personally I don’t think he wants to leave his creed behind #but I think he would benefit from reevaluating what it means to him Now as opposed to when he took it as a child #the fact of the matter is: the covert and the creed are Important to Din on a fundamental level #would he enjoy you running around calling his family a cult? probs not #mine

[clownjacket]

Okay my crack theory for Lucy’s god situation:

What if instead of dying Lucy’s god became an archfey and fucked off, forsaking all of their followers. I could see that as justifiable for a minor god—maybe you don’t want your personality and existence to be dependent on a group of people small enough for a really big hurricane to wipe them out. Maybe you want to try your hand at self actualization, which you can’t really do as a god. Whatever.

But that would still mean Lucy’s grades would be screwed for the year, and the whole group would be switched to pass/fail.

Whatever god they’re trying to bring back seems like they want to stay a god, but would also only have a single living cleric so their nature would be heavily influenced by who that cleric is, and could still be controlled. Bringing back an established dead god with living followers probably reduces the risk of the god immediately dying or completely sucking ass/not being powerful like what happened with YES!(?), and we know the Ratgrinders LOVE minimizing risk. And choosing a dead god that represents something Lucy is actually passionate about preaching and proselytizing would make her work as a cleric much easier for her emotionally than, say, switching to Helio and just going through the motions, and bringing back a god would probably look good on college resumes.

Idk, that’s just an alternative theory to Lucy’s god dying based on what’s been established this season.

#fantasy high #the ratgrinders #ratgrinders #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #this is an idea I came up with while basically writing fanfiction in my head about a possible route Ivy’s story could go #that would make the ragtringers not evil / kind of justified #basically my ‘what if’ plot line is that Ivy’s god forsakes her during the sophomore spring project and that leads to her loosing her power #and the ratgrinders having to choose a pacifistic quest to go on because they no longer have a healer but can’t tell anybody #hence why they didn’t kill anything during their sophomore quest but seemingly still passed with a letter grade #(we know Ivy’s death was only reported after grading was completed—which means they wouldn’t have been switched to pass/fail) #Now Ivy is thinking about what grade to switch to before the end of the year so she doesn’t fail #all while covering up her god forsook her to the school until she has her replacement figured out #but WHOOPS something happens and she dies anyway…but with no afterlife she’s stuck as a ghost. The ratgrinders will all fail if they report #her dead right then-and Ivy doesn’t want that for her friends-so instead the ratgrinders disguise self as her and fake her cleric powers #with their own in class just enough to keep her from failing the year…then after grading closes they report her as dead to Augfort and ask #for his help in reviving her like he did the bad kids. But he tells them that he brought the bad kids back by taking their place in #the afterlife; if Ivy’s stuck as a ghost and not in an afterlife than there’s nothing he can do right now but he’ll look into it oh wait #his DAUGHTER is back and they need to bond nevermind here are some resources during this endless night that you can read up on to try to #find a way to bring your dead friend back on your own have FUN high schoolers I believe in you but it’s Ayda time! #so the ratgrinders did a bunch of research on their own and they found that a god could bring her back to life and the only one willing to #do that would probably be a preestablished dead god they brought back to life (similar to Kristen with Cassandra). This red god is just #the safest bet they found in the books to complete their plan #I won’t call all THAT a theory because it’s based on nothing but that’s my idea for a direction her backstory could go #also pretend whenever I wrote ‘ivy’ in this little end section I actually wrote Lucy #I canNOT believe I made that mistake #Cassandra save me

[compacflt]

I just wanted to say as someone who has stumbled across your blog and has read your Wednesday wips and posts about anything topgun related that your thought process and consideration of mav and ice, specifically their political beliefs and relationships with their own identities, is honestly so impressive and cool. You have brought such realism and life to these characters which is just so refreshing to see. idk i just wanted to express how cool and awesome i think that is

Because of the thought into these characters does it make it difficult to like them or understand them if you have differing opinions from them? for me personally i feel like if i were to ever actually have a convo with ice or mav regarding identity politics i would actually start to lose my mind (like how one feels when your dad or fun uncle talks for too long at thanksgiving dinner). If it does make them difficult to like, does that make it difficult for you to write them sometimes?

oh yeah! i think, my ice i really empathize with & really love & really could get along with, once he grows out of the sexism of his teens & twenties, but my maverick drives me crazy. someone sent in an ask a while ago that was like “WHY is cyclone simpson your one true love??” And it’s because i too would absolutely hate maverick & hate working with him lol. people who are overly cocky & un-self-aware & a bit self-centered make me CRAZY. (narrator voice: compacflt is a hypocrite as all these things also apply to compacflt.)

Politically… It’s difficult to say. no one really wants to hear the intricacies of one person’s political journey, which is why i won’t give you mine, but suffice to say—since the start of the russian invasion of Ukraine, and my semi-concerted effort to learn more about the political landscape of modern warfare, my own personal beliefs have shifted a whole bunch. definitely aided in that shift by my top gun fic project that specifically aims to understand the conservative straight-passing male mindset as it relates to military matters… there are many end goals to a project like mine, but one end product is a filter you can take away and hold up in front of your eyes and see the world through it. When writing from the eyes of a conservative straight (passing) white man, your priorities totally shift. I had to write from the perspective of someone who doesn’t care about identity politics. Because they don’t! A core tenet of conservatism is very proudly not caring about that stuff, and being very annoyed when people (usually left-of-centers) make that stuff very visible and want you to care about it! “Don’t shove it in my face,” etc., etc. Don’t force me to care about this taboo, private thing I really don’t care about. It violates my freedoms, or whatever, to be forced to care—or even bear witness to—stuff that i don’t care about. Etc. And then, to be nominally a part of that community that you really, really don’t care about, and then to be told that you have to care about it because of your publicity… people asking you to be proud of something that has had a negative connotation for much of your entire life… that’s not a transformation that happens easily.

Jesus, I could write an essay about this. I have, several times by now in responses to asks over my blog. But there is so much that I could talk about. I think… I really worry that some of my writing falls into the first of the below categories:

I really try not to romanticize conservatism in my writing—I tried to show that ice and mav’s happiness is the price they pay for their conservatism. They’re actively choosing to be unhappy—but because they prioritize their honor over everything, due to EXTERNAL PRESSURES they cannot control, and which I think are often ignored in the fandom space for one reason or another. The fact of the matter is, in 99% of IPs, characters prioritize something other than their sexualities. It’s never Maverick’s personal identity that is at stake in either Top Gun or Top Gun: Maverick, because he has built himself so impermeably masculine that there are no grounds upon which to question his personal identity. He just isn’t thinking about it. He’s thinking about how to get into Charlie’s pants, how to win the Top Gun trophy, how to uphold his promise to Goose, et cetera. If he’s fucking guys on the side, it’s because he wants to and because hes maverick and he does what he wants without thinking about it—that’s the whole point of his character, from a story-construction standpoint. That’s his archetype. He’s a renegade maverick superstar who is both thoughtlessly brilliant and thoughtlessly dangerous. He’s thoughtless. His priorities are to survive and to look cool doing it, and that’s it. He is a savant in the Naval Air Force, where honor is your lifeblood, who feels he has been dishonored by his own family name, and who willingly joined the conservative post-Vietnam Navy right when/after Ronald Reagan was elected President, and who wears cowboy boots and who disrespects women to their faces, and who is eager to get into altercations with Soviet-Chinese-DPRK-X-second-world-country-coded-but-EXPLICITLY-Soviet-manufactured-Mikoyan-Gurevich-MiG-28s(-F-5s-painted-black)… I’m sorry. In my opinion, the conservatism is baked into him as a character. I find it extremely difficult to separate him from his conservatism, because in some ways his patriotic conservatism is his raison d’etre. IMO if you take that away from him, he ceases to exist.

Same thing with Ice and his unwillingness to openly rebel or go against the grain. That is his whole reason to exist in the story at all. I know that I’m saying this in a fandom space where the whole point is to change characters & put them in different situations (fanfic) but… in kind of a perverse self aware way, as in I know I sound ridiculous and pretentious, i guess i don’t really understand an impulse to change the core tenets of a character irreparably in fanworks. We are shown that ice always goes by the books in TG. Then we are shown that he achieves the fruits of that labor (four stars) in TGM. So he is rewarded for never rebelling, whereas Maverick, who always rebels (but NEVER in a way that challenges his personal identity), has stagnated in the ranks at full-bird O-6. And that’s Ice’s character. That’s what he’s there for in the story—he’s a tool to show us the value system of rank and prestige you earn by following the rules of the Navy. Why take that away from him? That’s his priority! Canonically, that’s his priority and reason for existence! And historically the way to achieve that priority is through conservatism.

And you ask me if it’s hard to like my ice and mav. Yes, but that’s not my choice. The movie already did that for me. They are not, I’m sorry, likable people. I am not a straight white conservative male writing about straight white conservative men to validate my own beliefs—I’m a queer AFAB person of color writing about straight white conservative men because I want to understand the limits of their conservatism. What they do and do not care about, and what it takes to make them care. And from what we are shown in TG… ice and mav would not care about ME. At all. And they would not want to be forced to care about me. Ice’s casual careless dismissiveness… “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies’ room…” mav following Charlie into the bathroom… turning the key in the ignition and driving away while pretending not to hear her… “what?? i can’t hear you! 🙉” … they do not care. They have no desire to care.

Again. Maybe I subscribe to a very very old-school and labored and pretentious ideology when it comes to writing… I know a lot of people write just to have fun. I do not. I wish i could, but I don’t. And when you’re not writing to have fun, you don’t have to like the characters you’re writing about. They’re nothing more than tools at your disposal to get your point across more effectively. No, I don’t like them! Of course not! My ice is cruel and cowardly and careless and hypocritical and subservient and weak, and my mav is demanding and dangerous and dismissive and oblivious and so, so, so unbelievably bitter.

And that’s what my story needed, to get my point across. So, shrug. My point was my priority. I don’t care too much about the characters themselves.

Re: icemav & identity politics. Part of hopefully selling this story is the attempt at empathy for the conservative male, to bring this discussion back to the top. Why write fiction at all if you’re not going to write about people different from you, and why write about people different from you if you don’t want to understand them? So… part of trying to understand them was to understand and have empathy for this shift in priorities. Conservative guys do not want to care about labels, or sexual orientations, or, God forbid, discussion of their gender identities. I can kind of see Ice tolerating it by the end… but, there are limits. Again, it’s supposed to be private. I think he’d chafe against getting labeled gay—he wouldn’t want to be called the first gay compacflt, or SECNAV, etc. He can’t say, “i slept with like a hundred fifty women before I even MET the ONLY man ive ever slept with,” because that’s like intensely private personal information!! No one deserves that information, but people still want to call him gay, even though in his head he really is not!!!! Again—from the conservative perspective, it’s a public imposition of left-wing, overly sexualized, too-neat labels and politics onto an area of life that has typically been kept private and respectable—I don’t agree with the conservatism, but I can at least empathize with it. Pre-Maverick’s death (pre-coming to terms with it), it would’ve been shameful & embarrassing to him; but even after coming to terms with it, it’s still not something he “takes pride” in. I think he thinks of it like this—most people aren’t proud of being straight. Like, it’s weird if you are. Same thing with being proud of being white, etc. Why be excessively proud of things you have no control over? Why not take pride in your ACTIONS—for instance, his career that he has actively sacrificed so much of his pride for? I can really empathize with that thought. I don’t necessarily agree, but I get it, especially in his professional circumstances, where he has so much to be professionally proud of, and yet people keep wanting him to publicly care about this private part of him he has no control over and can’t change.

Maverick though. I think he’d be actively hostile about talking about it in public. He Does Not Care. he does not want to care. It’s all an insult. They call him the first openly gay Ace cause he’s married to another man— “okay, but, like, I’m not. Stop calling me that. Neither of us are. Oh my god we have slept with so many women. Stop calling us that.” Ok then what do you want us, the press corps, to call you? First openly bisexual Ace? “No that’s worse!! That’s a word some teenager made up and doesn’t mean anything!! I’m sixty years old stop asking me to talk about this stuff im too old.” What do you have to say to LGBT kids who want to go into the navy? “😎👍 there’s a place for you etc etc. Let’s go back to talking about all the planes I shot down.” Maverick does what he wants without thinking about it. That’s the core tenet of his character. Very conservative. Don’t ask him to care too much.

Idk. No I don’t like them. But I understand them, if that makes sense. Like their conservative anti-label logic does make emotional sense to me. So that’s part of what I took away from this project, for better or worse… probably worse: I understand why conservatives don’t like the modern over-publicity of sexuality. They don’t care and they don’t want to care. And because they are small-C conservative, my ice and mav still don’t care lol. So, yeah. It doesn’t make them hard to write, because thats why I wanted to write them in the first place.

#what does it say about me that i put myself in their shoes & understand their position #i don’t agree with it but I understand it #the annoyance and the bad optics and the over labeling of hard-to-label sexuality #being a gay republican has got to be the seventh circle of hell #note my ice and mav are not republicans #but also note my story would not change even one bit if they were #i don’t LIKE gay republicans because they’re republicans. but i can empathize with them cause that’s gotta fucking blow. #normie median biden voter ice #now I think if a kid came up to maverick at an airshow and was like… #sir im trans and I think I want to go into the navy to fly & you’re my hero… #he’d freak out like ‘omg that means so much to me actually thanks!! it might be difficult for u i won’t lie but we need more people who #can overcome adversity…omg let me set you up with this admiral i know… yes yes yes…’ #he doesn’t like the conceptual discussions but he likes the people if that makes sense #& he really likes people massaging his ego #i find them incredibly annoying. but that’s what character development is for. if u start out liking ur characters ur doing smth wrong #& if they weren’t incredibly annoying then i wouldn’t have a story to write. #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #**obvious disclaimer this is just my interpretation!!!**

[brookheimer]

trying to figure out what i think will happen with the gojo deal. like neither of the options rn feel that interesting — at this point the deal going through feels anticlimactic and expected, but the deal falling apart also feels anticlimactic and expected…. i feel like there needs to be a secret third option. like what if manic cocky kendall is like ok yeah deal no deal whatever whatever but guys what if WE bought gojo? hm? go fuckin nut nut?

#it would be so stupid on so many levels but so fucking funny #and soooo kendall #right???? #like say the deal falls thru etc he wouldn’t be satisfied he wants a bigger win even bc he is always flying too close to the sun #cocky ken high on his own success is like fuck it we buy gojo now fuck you matsson #the way i’d lose my shit LOL #succession #100 #succession speculation

[comixandco]

my favourite part of season 5 is still the reveal that Gabriel and Tomoe thought Adrien and Kagami made the perfect pair and wanted them to be together because it completely flips their relationship

Kagami and Adrien sneaking around and finding the slightest gaps in their schedule and giving their bodyguards/parents the slip to spend time together and feeling so clever that they’ve gotten away with it their parents don’t suspect a thing

only to smashcut to Gabriel and Tomoe doing an evil pound it because their ship is canon

#miraculous ladybug #ml s5 #gabriel agreste #tomoe tsurugi #adrien agreste #kagami tsurugi #it’s the illusion of free choice™ #it was a very clever plan tbf like if they told them to date it would be awkward and forced. but put them in the same room together and see #what happens… let them think it was all their idea… boom success! #then the next step is saying ‘yes i only just found out you’ve been dating kagami and i have decided to give you my permission to date her- #what do you mean you broke up a month ago and your dating the baker girl who made a hat for me one time?’ #on the flipside though it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run bc kagami likes the thrill of a secret forbidden romance like #that’s partially what drove her to felix imo so if tomoe said one day ‘it’s come to my attention you’re dating the agreste boy. i approve o #of this match and have organised a date for you two on friday.’ you Know kagami would immediately go #‘oh no.. okay um so now i’m kind of feeling that everything about him that was attractive to me before isn’t really there anymore…’ #also on the flipside like looking at it on a more deeper/serious level like it just goes to show how much control tomoe and gabriel have o #er their kids to the point that they would be willing to manipulate them into a relationship and then when #the two of them tried and realised it wasn’t working. instead of admitting they don’t know their children as well as they think they do #or acknowledging that their children are actual people who have their own feelings that don’t always match their parents #or coming to terms that their children aren’t extensions of their legacy and will that they can puppet however they want #instead they say ‘okay we tried the hands off way now we’ll just have to force them’

[songtwo]

idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..

#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today…. #and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop #but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him #and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him #and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself #and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week #it’s been like 5 times since december #but 3 have been on the past month alone #and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident #and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved #and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening #and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again #by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive #and like. idk what to do #i really don’t want to be w someone like this #and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this #but i also can’t abandon him #like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone #but like i don’t want to live like this #maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out #but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg #i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either #and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk #i just don’t know what to do #i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:( #and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week….. #but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now

[dickfuckk]

Hoping for bloopers/outtakes etc when the entire series is finished 🤞

#ofmd #our flag means death #obviously i want it /now/ even more #but at the very least #feed us when the show is fully finished please 🥲 #like i could understand not giving us anything so our perception doesnt change?? #like lets say we all see the scene were izzy and lucius kiss #even though it’s been taken out that would change things #or the scene where Jim says their fav color is actually purple and not teal #tiny details could change how we view the characters etc #but when the show is fully done #please give us everything #i am on my knees begging #wouldn’t surprise me if they had just deleted everything though lmao 😭 #to save space or whatever

[merevide]

yeah

#their dynamic is so fucking funny. beef bc nat is sick of lottie’s wilderness shit -> truce -> ‘maybe lottie dying would not be so bad’ #-> lottie placing the heaviness on nat not only because she just wants to be rid of it but bc she trusts her #also lottie’s ‘why do you think what happened out there happened. we tried to kill you. it wouldn’t let us’ def gonna send #nat spiraling next season. ofc lottie would think that she wasn’t even there and got word of mouth from misty #who prevented nat from even going after javi in the first place #‘you know there’s not ‘it’ right? it was just us!’ ‘is there a difference’ #don’t even mind me guys im losing my marblesss #yellowjackets #lottienat #(i gotta make shipping tags now bc im going through smth) #my text #id expand on this more but im TIRED

[itspileofgoodthings]

also I am not an Austen heroine but I might be if Bingley were a woman and also inherently and of necessity smarter and much further along in my character journey (all love to Bingley)

#akskskjejejeje #the quality that’s the same is just. We get the party started #We BEGIN the things #and then kind of have to go off and have our own little journey (the going back to town journey) #but the excitement of when we enter and re-enter the story (if I may say so myself) is the same #also there’s not really any Austen heroine who fits #Anne and Fanny are temperamentally very unlike me simply because of the being inwardly withdrawn/focused #I am close to a Marianne! But I don’t have the running into a brick wall intensity #Or at least not in the same way #I’m not Eleanor I could be Emma or Catherine but I don’t have Emma’s interfering faults or catherine’s total naïveté #and I’m just not Lizzy because if I saw a Darcy at a party I wouldn’t think ‘that’s a vaguely unpleasant man I’m either going to tease’ #‘or totally ignore’ #I would be like wow AMAZING I want him to be my best friend right now and then I would make it happen #hence the Bingley #Lol #anyway this all came from when I met Emma and she wrote fixing on the hour based on us being the girl version of their friendship #Anyway this is your open invitation to tell me which Austen heroine you think you are (if you want to!)

[thresholdbb]

My P+ subscription just renewed, which means I have been on this Star Trek high for exactly a year now

#I really said 2023 is gonna be ALL ABOUT STAR TREK and it was!! #the Trek obsession went dormant then came back with a vengeance like November of last year #I went through an intense tng phase in grad school #looking back on the year I wouldn’t have it any other way #I got p+ and proceeded to speed run tng and ds9 #I savored voyager and when it was over we started our Sisyphean delta quadrant journey #somewhere in my mixed up brain I KNEW voyager would be a problem and I avoided it #I have been ruined for other media #LISTEN Picard isn’t the best show but it was precisely why I wanted to catch up #still have yet to finish tos tas ent and dis for shame #also it was half price last year I cry for my continually dwindling bank account #I am actually very grateful because I was lonelier and more miserable before I started engaging in fandom now I am slightly less so #plus going to stlv and making/doing cosplay for the first time a whole experience! #if we’ve interacted this year (and you read my tags) hi I love you #if we haven’t hi I am intense but love talking to equally obsessed mutuals #also lol at meeting the actors Garrett wang taking a picture of me and Picardo being like uhhh ok when I talked to him #jin maley and Michelle Hurd are absolutely lovely #terry ferrell was very very sweet and I shared an elevator (and hand injury story) with Casey Biggs #and I bumped into Rom his-real-last-name-is-hard-to-spell #and marina sirtis called me love I cry #hilarious but also so cringe what is my life #also thanks to Star Trek for the paradigm shifting very likely autism suspicion that I’m gonna seriously pursue in 2024 #ok I love you bye #melts into oblivion

[yuriprince]

dad randomly making me make dinner for everyone AGAIN

#it’s not that i dont want to cook like obviously i know i need to learn to cook #but can he NOT FUCKING SPRING IT ON ME WITHOUT ANY WARNING AND COMPLETELY DISRUPT MY SCHEDULE #we talked about it in therapy yesterday like can’t i just have one day. one day where i know going into it that cooking is up to me #so i’m not pissed off when i have to drop what i’m doing to do it #and like i Know in the real world i’ll have to do it everyday i Know that but for now i’m still learning and i would like some time to #prepare. like what is so out of the question about that request #i’m talking to him abt it now and he just thinks i don’t wanna do it. that is not what i’m saying at all bro #you wouldn’t tell a kid to stop playing with their toys and clean their room out of the blue without some protest #i don’t know what to tell you man i’m sorry i got a fuckbrain #stormy day at the castle

[doctorweebmd]

okay. yeahhh no it’s official. its yearly depressive episode time.

#😞 #I don’t know why it surprises me. every single year. #November-January are just consistently always awful #I sincerely believed living in a place with warm year round temperature would help. it did not lol. #anyway. almost exactly a year ago I got into a rut and wrote we will wait and wait in that space #it was certainly a lesson in not putting my very fragile mental health into the hands of fandom lmao #… this year is a little bullshit because I hurt my knee about 6 weeks ago and now I can’t really do the walking/exercising thing I normally #start doing to work off some of this heaviness in my chest #it’s ok. I’m starting some more meds and I have a new psychiatrist #and I have an app for meditation and I’m writing something I’m enjoying (…. not so much writing right now but) #and yeah my entire soul is screaming out for love and affection and validation but. we are going to be chill about it. #sorry for depression posting on this blog #I can’t really talk to anyone about anything #and wouldn’t want to in general #I’m just sad but I think many of us are #and you are not alone and very much loved

[sunglassesmish]

misha's out there calling castiel "an old friend" and folks really want to say he doesn't care about him just because he was already busy working on another show... that's so unfair!

☹️

#anon #ask #that emoji is how i am looking right now #misha was already so burnt out by the end of spn #and then when he finally got a break he was going through a divorce and spending time with his kids #and then bishagate #and still doing conventions and getting covid and then doing bridgewater and a new show #and he had so much going on! personally and professionally #can we please not say he didn’t care about cas #he wouldn’t have played him for 12 years if he didn’t care :( #and then with the winchesters wanting 22 episodes but only getting 13 #and him filming for gotham knights #it just would have been hard for him #okay i’m done trying to rationalise i’m sad

[boomerang109]

i came home, panicked about one thing, and my toilet was leaking. bathroom floor is covered in water and brown particles. oddly, this has not improved my mood

#i just want to be a child again. i understand being a child was also miserable I am not glorifying my childhood #i was in pain and sad and lonely #BUT I WAS SAFE AND CARED FOR AND I NEVER QUESTIONED THAT no matter how much pain I was in #what I wouldn’t give for everything to hurt because I was so overstimulated by school and being bullied #being a kid had such clear cause and effect. being an adult is just…I am guilty and I want to cry everytime I think about the fact that I’m #here. i miss something that never existed and I’m the only one who is trying to remember a person who never existed but is important to me #(cause it’s me—I’m the only one who cares about preserving my childhood. my parents don’t give a damn. they were so busy surviving they #don’t remember it or care either) #why the fuck am I getting emails about a pizza party we didn’t ask for were an actual club now we don’t need your planned events fuck off #the way I was about to brag about our club name by just name dropping my school which would then make it so easy to find me holy shit my #internet safety is getting lax 🙈 #boom’s bad days #omg I just got reccommended ‘boom blogs high’ what if I got high I would feel so much better #i keep just coping sober cause like. not relying on substances. but I don’t actually have skills rn to improve my issues so like. substances #are more helpful tbh 🙈