#and while my dad said shit like that he also stressed that i should eat more bc i was too small and skinny and i got so stressed

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for having a lot of resentment for my father, and trying to move on from him after his death?

I should at least introduce myself and provide some background first. I (24, F) am best known for joining a company that my father (50s, M) founded that invaded planets. This stopped happening ever since a peculiar young being that we'll call K (10, M) destroyed our spaceship. I've managed to make amends with K, though, some time after I turned around and implored him to stop the machine that went haywire at the end. Nowadays, I am friends with K as he's long forgiven me for the invasion, and thus I think that situation has been resolved.

Now for the actual matter at hand here. My father is dead. You'd think that I would be mourning him after he died, and I actually have! As a matter fact, I have in fact had grief over it! It was me that was responsible for his death... I killed him by pure accident, and for a while I've felt absolutely horrible about it. I still regret it even now!

.... But while I've indeed mourned him, I also just cannot help but legitimately resent him at the same time, and that's affected my grief over time. Let me explain why I have resentment for him:

He treated me like shit. You would not believe what he was like at times. I was stuck in a horrible place that was dimensions apart from my father for a long time, and when I finally returned to him, he forgot about my existence entirely. I tried to give him a hug upon return, but he brutally rejected it and told me that I was a freak for trying to hug him because he considered me to be a stranger.

I tried this multiple more times, and the outcome never changed.

I also tried so many other things. He did at least offer me to become his secretary, so I took the offer, but it didn't fix things at all. I tried singing a particular song for him that I thought would've gotten him to remember me, but it failed. I'd also have deliberately done other things like making gifts for him, but that never made him change.

I gave him everything, and he gave me nothing back.

I didn't even always get along with him. He was often a pretty harsh, mean-spirited and demanding 'boss'... it's embarrassing to think that this was my relationship with my dad. I was supposed to be his daughter, not his employee that he wasn't even very nice to!

He essentially spat in my face every time I tried to do something to try to get him to remember me being his daughter. He even called me rude things like 'weirdo', 'degenerate', and the aforementioned 'freak' that I said earlier. And he always had an aggressive tone every time he rejected all the hugs I tried to give him. As if I wronged him for it.

... I'll never forget all of that! Especially the first time it happened when I came back from that dimension. This has all just been so, so stressful that I honestly just can't forgive it. It hurt too much!

What kind of dad coldly refuses hugs from his own daughter?

He wasn't my dad anymore, really. More like a stranger that managed to steal my dad's body. He was a mockery... an insult.

I felt absolute disgust at what he became and how he treated me.

Now, I feel like his memories got erased. I've felt like the machine had something to do with it... it's partially why I tried stealing it from him in the first place, but I don't understand how it got to that point before I came back to him? Why was he using it after I disappeared?

Did he purposefully let the machine eat away his memories? Did he decide to just stop caring about me after the portal accident? Or... I wonder if there's a possibility that he deliberately got rid of me from the start. Like he was pretending to love me at the start and then made his move at some point.

... I don't know. I have no idea what happened to him while I was gone and I certainly hope it wasn't the last possibility I mentioned. I can hardly even remember what he was like when I was little. It was so long ago. I question if he ever loved me in the first place, and if it was all just a fluke if he 'did'. I didn't want to believe that... the reason I've even mourned him to begin with is because I wanted to believe that he loved me before, but I can't say that I'm convinced he ever did.

And if he never loved me, then I think that'd mean that I was stupid for mourning him. I don't even know if I'm supposed to miss him since I don't even know if he ever loved me at all to begin with.

I wish I could better remember the times before the portal stole me away from him. But I just can't.

It also just stresses me out to constantly think about it. I've been trying to heal and move on as time has been going on... at least things are easier in life now since I'm not in a twisted dimension anymore, nor am I hamstrung in harsh and demanding conditions as a result of being my dad's secretary.

I've revived his company and resorted to different practices. Not invading planets anymore, at least.

I also have friends now. The friends I'll give a shout out to are the aforementioned K that I talked about earlier, as well as a spidery guy (25, M) and some blue-hooded alien guy (28, M) that owns a big blue ship that's actually a really impressive piece of technology.

These friends actually care about me. Way more than my dad ever did, I think.

The spidery guy also lost someone, and at first he didn't understand why I wasn't as openly grieving my loss as he was until I explained it all to him. Thankfully, he came to understand, and was generous and caring enough to act as support for me nonetheless.

I actually don't make my daddy issues known to a lot of people. I have a feeling a lot of them would find a way to judge me or weaponize it against me, or they'd just paint me as some heartless monster for having resentment for my dad and I'd have to sit them down and explain it all for them to get it. But I'm simply not interested in letting that situation happen. And besides, I don't need to have my very personal business be known to people that aren't my closest friends.

... Although that's also part of the reason why I might be TA. Like I should just blindly grieve my dad to the fullest without any complications. I wish it were that easy, but what happened between me and him is much too complicated for there to not be resentment. I can't shake off the feeling of resentment after how he treated me ever since I came back to him. Doesn't help I barely remember him before the horrendous accident.

AITA, or am I justified to handle my dad's death the way I have?

(Sorry that this was long, by the way)

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Hi, today sucked, lemme tell you all the reasons it sucked in chronological order

I woke up at 1 am and read for a while. I did not get back to bed until 5 am.

I woke up approximately 15 minutes before I had to be out the door, so despite my planning to take a shower and wear a Victorian esc clothing today (for throwback Thursday, dumb school thing) I couldn't.

I didn't eat last night, so for the first time this semester I got breakfast from the cafeteria and it was not good.

We were practicing hand and arm massages in class for state board and wow, I fucking hated the smell, feeling and all around company of the lotion we were using.

I didn't charge my phone last night so I had my phone (and laptop) plugged in for my last two periods of school.

It was warm enough that I didn't need my jacket (a comfort item) so I took it off and put it over my backpack. It fell on the dirty bus floor while I was napping through the half hour bus ride.

My laptop wasn't plugged in properly so it was nearly dead when I got home.

Dad said we were going to the library to file my taxes. Okay, gotcha, I won't change into my home clothes, I'll just switch my binder out for a bra.

My sheets were dirty and I didn't want to lay in my gross bed with clean clothes on so I stripped my mattress and brought the sheets downstairs, where I find the washing machine on a self cleaning cycle. It was at 0, but I guess that's not done?

I notice that my little siblings who had lice for a couple days have put clothes in the laundry basket downstairs, which has my prom dress in it. Prom is on Saturday and I am literally too afraid to dig through their shit to find the dress.

I return to my room and work on chapter two of a story, but it's getting late and my dad hasn't called me out to the van yet.

I only learn my dad is home when he sends a picture of dinner to the gc. I leave my room to ask when we're doing taxes; he tells me he's eating and that I should eat too.

Twenty minutes later (like 7:50 pm at this point), we finally start my fucking taxes.

Very long annoying process, to learn that state taxes should not be filed through this site for me. It worked just fine for my sibling. I ask dad if we can do it tomorrow and he says taxes are due in four days. Whatever.

We go to a different site to file my state taxes where I try to register twice and it denies me both times for my laptop having a VPN. I do not control that; it's my school laptop and it didn't even process that's what the issue was for like 10 minutes.

Dad tells me to go to bed. He's tired. That's when I'm allowed to go to bed, when he's tired.

I return to my room and realise my sheets have never been put in the wash, and I can't sleep without a blanket. And for obvious reasons, I only trust that one blanket right now.

I shove it in the wash for a half hour load, but it doesn't fucking matter because my sister's shit is in the dryer at 45 minutes. She doesn't have an empty basket in the bathroom to put the dry stuff into should it finish and someone else needs to. Her shit is going on the floor in about 20 minutes.

I'm laying on my bed, very cold, just waiting for the fucking wash to be done so I can go to sleep. Except, I know it won't be because my sheets take like two hours to dry at high heat, which also means I won't have my comfort jacket for tomorrow.

I just want to go to sleep and can't because I'm stressing over the idea of going to school in not my comfort jacket.

Honorable mentions: My cosmetology textbook has really misleading information regarding synthetic wigs and its pissing me off. I was supposed to go to Walmart today so I could get breakfast for tomorrow. We had a test in English that gave me a lot of anxiety.

#tw vent #vent #venting #my dad isnt a bad guy im just annoyed #i might be having a panic attack #i genuinely dont know

[moral-terpitude]

Misadventures - Part 6.5

A/N: not what I thought I would be posting tonight, but I’ve determined some flashbacks may be interesting, and it just feels fitting to introduce a friend of Quinn’s back home before we see him some more.

There’s nothing you’ll miss if you skip it before I post chapter 7, and I don’t blame you because there’s no Tommy in this chapter🤷🏼‍♀️ also I’ve been trying to find ways to include songs from The Jaws of Life, and apparently flashbacks are going to be it 😂 ft. an old project I drew (and my handwriting has apparently not changed much.)

Summary: It’s early April 2020 and Quinn is not handling COVID lockdown well.

[Masterlist] [Series Masterlist]

cigarettes on a dark, bent highway • follow you from a distance like • demons in a dеath machine • I feel your stomach tightening

“Quinn, are you okay?”

She sighed, sipping from the coffee mug, feet tucked under her on the couch.

“I don’t know, Hannah.” Quinn sat the mug down, closing her iPad as she leaned back in the cushions of the couch, “I hate feeling helpless like this. I can't even turn the tv on because I can't stand watching the news.”

“You never usually watch the news.” Hannah shook her head, sitting on the steps from the kitchen to the living room.

“Okay, that’s a fair point. But still. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hear about it. I feel like normally, something like this, we would just be drinking right now, and that would occupy more time, but just the thought of it turns my stomach.”

“Listen, we came back in one piece—“

“I don’t remember anything!” She could feel the anger bubbling in her stomach, they had this conversation so many times and each time she felt more and more mad at herself. “I don’t remember what he looks like, I don’t remember if we used a condom, I don’t remember, fuck, I don’t remember if he pulled out. I don’t remember shit. Do you know what that feels like?”

Hannah stared at her blankly. For a fact, she didn’t remember much either.

There had been no intention of attending the Mardi Gras festivities while they were in New Orleans, they didn’t even know it was going on until they were in the thick of it. They had been there only for work, they had said.

Strictly.

A convention in New Orleans weeks ago. Both of them came back sick with no idea what it was.

Quinn felt like she was dying the first few days. A mix of trying to breath through the coughing and trying not to cry for how terrible she felt, she had been a mess.

“I should have just went back to Michifan, as soon as we came back, my dad said it was going to get bad, and if we wanted to we could go back to the cabin, or come stay there, but no, here I thought,” tears started to well in her eyes as she tried to choke them back, “that we’d be fine and that everything would die down, and now, we’re sitting here without fucking jobs at the moment!”

Hannah swallowed thickly. This wasn’t the first outburst Quinn had in the last few weeks and she was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

She had been undoubtedly cranky. Calls from the state health department about shutting down weren’t even what had irritated her the most.

It was other artists who just thought they didn’t have to listen and could do whatever they wanted.

“Chris wanted me to stay open and eat the fucking fine from the state. Said if we all chipped in that it wouldn’t be so bad. He had a fit when I said I wouldn’t do it. I feel like I’ve personally put everyone out of work and I hate it.”

She sighed, keeping another sob from wracking through her as she buried her head in her hands, bare faced and rubbing at the tears stuck in her lashes, she finally felt a sense of relief at letting it all out.

“Quinn, I think you just need to go to bed. You look exhausted.”

“I haven’t done anything! Why should I fucking be exhausted, Hannah. I’ve sat here, all day, a little ball of stress in my pajamas, trying to find a way to make some god damn money for everyone while the shop is closed! People aren’t working, so they don’t have extra money to spend—“

“I am sure, if it goes on any longer, there will be money from the government, or something. Dead ass. You just need to chill. Dante said they’re fine, Chris is just frontin’, he has money stashed, and, it’s good. We’ll all be good. Just take a breather. Periodt.”

Quinn smiled, the tiny ponytail on top of Hannah’s head bobbing as she talked was enough to send her over the edge for a laugh. She knew if she busted out a “Periodt,” she was better off not arguing with her.

“Fine. I will go to bed. But I am not going to sleep.”

“Don’t tell me you’re starting Buffy again.”

“No; I just finished it the other day. I can’t do a rewatch that quick.”

Dragging the comforter along behind her, arms full with water bottles and her iPad she schlepped past Hannah to her room, an awkward goodnight exchanged between the two of them before Quinn shut the door with a click.

If she wanted to, she could rent a car. Drive back home. But how could she? Abandon all her duties to her employees and coworkers by not staying around and trying to figure something out?

It wasn’t right.

The bubbling sound of her phone ringing as she stared at the blank screen was taunting her. How could her best friend not answer her at a time like this?

“Quinn, it is ten at night, what are you requiring of me at this hour?”

Dalton crammed his glasses back on his face as Quinn pulled the blanket up to her chin, burrowed in her bed. Sandy hair askew with a hood pulled up over his head. Bleary eyes struggling to focus.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Blondie.”

“Oh shut up. It looks terrible doesn’t?” She ran her fingers through the light hair, probably needs a good wash.

“Quinn your roots are grown out and it’s the first time I’ve seen your hair faded in years, so yeah, it looks terrible. But I know that’s not why you’re calling me.”

“How are you guys holding up?”

He shrugged, “Jay is at work. He’s barely been home. Slept at the hospital a couple of nights because they just can't get caught up. I’ve been staying at the studio so that he can rest when he is home. He doesn’t want to get anyone sick from bringing something home from work, so, I’m bored as fuck and haven’t had good head in fucking weeks.”

Quinn laughed, a smile fighting its way onto her face despite her tear stained cheeks.

“There we go,” Dalton laughed, dog barking in the background, before he continued, “Okay, mama, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to dig it out of you?”

Quinn sighed, rubbing at her eyebrow as she thought. “I think I did something terrible, Dee.”

“Well, you’re here to tell the tale, and also not in jail, so how terrible could it be?”

“It’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing, I’m just stating the facts here, babe. What happened?”

“I think I finally reached my limit. I…” she sighed. There had never in their entire friendship been anything that Quinn had been embarrassed to tell Dalton.

“Have you ever just…drank enough that you left a bar with some random and come to, like, a few days later?”

“Days?! Quinn. A few days later?!”

“Yeah.”

“No, I haven’t ever came out of a blackout days later!”

“Well, it’s not the first time. I think I’ve been working through it, Hannah hasn’t even noticed, but I know I left a bar in New Orleans with a guy. I remember bits and pieces. Nothing that tells me anything. Maybe a few seconds of waiting for an Uber and I feel like I’m making that up to just try and find something to grasp at.”

“Mama, that’s fucking called alcoholism. You are a functioning alcoholic.”

Quinn stared at him through the camera, letting the words sink in. She had assumed that was the route she was headed down, but to think she had already went that far? Had it really been that bad?

“You are using alcohol to cope with—“

“Do not bring him up!—“

Dalton softened his tone before continuing, “what happened to you, and I don’t recommend it. You need to quit before—“

“I haven’t been drinking. I swear on my life. I started weaning myself off of shit when we got back. I figured it was bad when I had the bottles under the bed, but I didn’t realize how many there were.”

“Quinn, detoxing at home will fucking kill you.”

“Well I did it. Okay? It’s done. I dumped it all down the toilet, and now we’re all stuck in our houses like caged fucking animals with nothing to do!”

Dalton sighed, sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eye beneath his glasses, “Have you went and got tested?”

“No. I don’t know what’s open. I haven’t looked.”

“Okay, I think you haven’t looked because you don’t want to know. I think doing that will bring you some peace of mind. Do that, take a breather. I don’t think you need to try and remember anything.” He shook his head, “You’ve…informed me of some of your escapades and while I’m sure it’s not the safest thing, you’ve coped. You’ve moved on.”

“You sound like my therapist.” She sighed, wriggling around in the blankets in hopes of sticking a foot out the side to cool down.

“Right now I'm your therapist, Quinn.” He sighed, “if you can’t keep doing it. Don’t. You don’t have to drink. I think it’ll be easier than you think. You’ll feel better, that’s for sure.”

“I think I’ve lost like 10 pounds already.”

“Well, yeah, that’ll happen.”

She took a deep breath, finally feeling like her lungs were able to fill with air, “I think I feel better.”

“You were probably having an anxiety attack. It’s not uncommon. Everyone has been turned on their head the last few weeks. Just take some time to rest. I think your body needs it.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“Ugh, you look like you need a hug, you little touch starved muppet. When this is all over, I’m coming to see you.”

“It’s just so boring being just Hannah and I. Like, not to be rude, but I think we’ve told each other our life stories three times over.”

“You told her?”

“Okay, maybe not everything. I don’t particularly like advertising that I’m damaged goods.”

“Mama, you are not damaged goods. I swear if you don’t quit. You’re a fucking gem. I think you need to get a pet or something. Adopt a cat. Around here they’re trying to clear out the shelters so they’re waiving adoption fees.”

“I said after Penny I’d never get another cat,” she whispered, eyes welling up just at the thought of losing her.

“Okay, well, you need to go to sleep before you keep crying and I need to go to sleep before I keep putting my foot in my mouth by the scenic route of my asshole. Goodnight, Quinn.”

“ ‘Night, Dee.”

A cat, she pondered, tossing her phone on the bedside table, it might be worth a shot.

#misadventures #quinn meyer #modern tommy shelby #modern tommy shelby x oc #tommy x oc #tommy shelby x oc #modern!tommy shelby #modern day au #modern au #tommy x quinn #tommy shelby fanfic #modern!tommy #fanfic #fanfiction #backstory

[thesunshineriptide]

Hi! I noticed your requests were open and I was wondering if I could request a story where Epel turns into a toddler because of a stupid potion error and now Vil has to take care of him until the problem is solved?

Sorry for such a delay in this request but i was caught up trying to finish up some things to get ready for whumptober/halloween month, and I was also quite honestly a little stumped on what to write. I'm not super familiar with Pomefiore, even after chapter five, so while I know the dynamic of Vil and Epel as teens I still don't know too much about them. Anyway this is all to say that this request ended up coming out a little wonky but I did my best to make it the most satisfying I could

Crimson Gold

characters: Vil, Epel, mentions of other characters Cw// children, crying, biting, mentions of riddle yelling at a child, mostly fluff

Vil Schoenheit, housewarden of Pomefiore, celebrity, supermodel, actor, singer, dancer, was currently saddled with something not wholly unexpected, but not really his favorite thing to deal with in the world

After a potion went wrong in the freshman class, Epel was reduced to a very whiny, somewhat snotty toddler.

Epel was admittedly very cute, but he was significantly less cute when he was screaming, throwing throw pillows, arguing about how they're called throw pillows, that means you should throw them, getting punished and told to sit in the corner, then promptly arguing about that and leaving the corner, and just.

Vil is exhausted. Beyond his normal exhaustion and he thinks he might be developing a wrinkle and its stressing him out, Crewel you need to work faster

He desperately wants to pass off this snotball onto Rook, but Rook is apparently busy and he doesn't trust anyone else with Epel, so, here he is, with a toddler on a leash tether, walking around campus while nursing a trenta sized cup of coffee. Black.

The looks that he gets from other students are kind of priceless, really, and he would be laughing if Epel wasn't trying to pick a flower on a wednesday in front of Riddle Rosehearts.

He fails to stop him. He also fails to mitigate the argument between a literal toddler and a figurative toddler

Epel nearly gets collared from all the screaming and Vil almost lets him before he remembers that, yes, Epel is Epel, but Epel is also an actual child right now, so maybe not the giant magic stocks for the baby

Eventually he gets Epel to settle down though, and sit while he carves him an apple. Epel is generally speaking much better at making fun shapes out of fruit, but Vil's slightly wonky apple swan will have to do for now.

Epel is thoroughly delighted by this, anyway, and he actually mellows out after eating. Who knew all you needed to do to get a child to behave is apply fruit? Not Vil, but he also never had to deal with misbehaving children

He's beginning to understand why Crewel made him take Epel though. Dog mama cant take a disobedient pup

Epel almost gets kidnapped by the other dorms though.

Leona shows up looking for Epel for spelldrive practice, and as much as he says he doesn't like kids, he's basically Epel's extra dad now and was very much ready to take him off Vil's hands, to which Vil said no because maybe don't take toddler to spelldrive??

Diasomnia (Lilia) also tried to come steal Epel because Human Child On Premises? Dibs. Vil, again, does not hand over Epel.

The third dorm to show up is Octavinelle, and it's actually because Jade came to consult Vil about potionology and Azul just sort of happened to be there. Vil chatted with Jade for a bit while Azul entertained the child (holy shit, someone who can deal with Epel's biting? He isnt even flinching, what is Azul made of-) however Vil packs up Epel fast when Floyd noticed them and practically ran from them. Floyd chased but eventually he lost them and gave up

Kalim also tried to steal Epel by inviting them over to throw a party. Vil just politely said no and left. Unfortunately, Epel escaped his tether and ran off. Jamil brought him back though not to worry

Dinner eventually came around and Vil had never felt more relieved. He just had to make it through the rest of tonight, and then in the morning the counterpotion would be ready and Epel would go back to his normal level of being troublesome.

"Alright, into bed you go." Vil said tiredly, placing down the sleepy toddler. “In the morning, everything will be right again.” Epel’s thumb found it’s way into his mouth, to which Vil immediately tried to get him to stop. This resulted in an ear splitting screech and Vil giving up. “If you insist, little Spudling. Now, do you need anything before bed?”

“Story!” Epel cried, kicking his little legs around, “Please.” He added.

Vil sighed and let out a little laugh before settling down on the bed beside little Epel, “A story, was it? Alright, I suppose I have one for you.”

“Once upon a time, long long ago, lived a very beautiful queen, who everyone praised for her leadership. She was thoughtful to others, including raising the kings daughter of a previous wife as her own. She was beloved by everyone, including animals, and worked tirelessly to be her best self.”

Epel yawned and his eyes began to droop. He snuggled in close next to Vil, gripping to his arm to keep him from leaving. Vil smiled softly, petting his hair gently.

“The fairest queen wasn’t always that way, though. Once, she was common folk. She rode horses and dented to plants and made her own bread every morning. She was wild and free. Do you know how she became queen?”

Epel shook his head a little, though it was more of a nuzzle. Vil laughed and quieted his voice slightly, “Well, once day, while she was out for a horse ride, she saved the kings daughter. The king was so overwhelmed with relief that he proposed in an instant.”

“Ew.” Epel mumbled, “Not mushy stuff.”

“Yes mushy stuff.” Vil said, “Mushy stuff is good. It made her unlock her full potential, and she became one of the great seven.”

Epel managed to finally fall asleep, and Vil let out a sigh of relief. He gently pet the toddler’s soft pink hair, thinking about the events of the day. Maybe…this was good. For them. If Epel remembered it. The biting though….Pomefiore has a lot of apology letters to send out.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland headcanons #epel felmier #baby Epel Felmier #vil schoenheit #twst epel #twst vil #pomefiore

[3dumb2potatoes1]

•High • School • Crush•

Pt.5 Should I?

•Pairing: Hyunjin x Female reader.•

•Genre: Classmates to secret lovers, Besties to enemies.•

•Word count: 1,808

•Warnings: Arguments, Swearing, Time being skipped.•

•Note: I/we are very sorry about not posting. I have been sick for over a week and didn’t have the motivation to write and other things, and Potato 1 has been feeling a bit stressed when it came to posting every Monday. I have also had things to do and after that, I forgot all about Tumblr. I will do my best to continue writing and posting on Mondays even tho I’m still a little sick. So that is our/my explanation for why. Also if there are any mistakes or something, then please tell me (same with the other chapters).♡•

∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀∇∀

Time was passing and soon you went to bed. Thoughts kept running through your head, making sleep impossible to do and to even think about, while all you could think of was what happened in one day. Eventually, you fell asleep and got a break from all the thoughts you had.

You finally woke up to the day that had been stopping you from sleeping last night. “No way a sleepover with Hyunjin today?” You thought. You took your duvet and hugged it tightly while smiling and blushing cause of the excitement you couldn’t hold in. After giving the duvet a tight hug filled with excitement, you got up and joyfully walked over to your closet to get your uniform. After putting on your uniform, you decided to look yourself in the mirror, while being both proud, happy and excited all at once, but this time more than you’d usually be. While walking towards your door, you could hear your parents shouting, getting louder and louder. You opened the door slightly but just enough to get a peak of what was happening. “I DO NOT CONSIDER HER AS MY FUCKING CHILD IF SHE DOES SOME STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN. SHES ALREADY DONE THIS TOO MANY TIMES” You heard your mom shout at your dad. “SHE HASN'T EVEN DONE YOU ANYTHING AND THEN YOU DON'T CONSIDER HER AS YOUR CHILD?!” Well, the only thing you could say was, this is a “good” start for today. You took your AirPods and played some music to avoid hearing your parents arguing to the right of the hall while going to the bathroom. “Great thing I’ll be going to Hyunjin’s after school.”

When you were done getting ready, you went to where everyone else was. “Oh here she is,” your mom said. “Hey honey, I made your breakfast.” Your dad was always the one to try and brighten up the mood, they were so different that you had many times asked yourself how the hell they got together. You ignored the random rude things your mom kept telling you, even your dad was trying to stop her. You just kept eating until you were done and got up. “Well bye,” you heard your mom say like she was irritated, but it was probably cause she thought you were being a so-called “brat”. “I love you sweetheart. Have a good day.” Your dad was definitely you’re favourite parent, no doubt that. “By the way, I’m going to a friend's house after school for a sleepover, which u don’t mind right?” “No as long as you’re out of the house I wouldn’t care less.” You weren’t surprised that she said that, you knew she would say that. “OK See you later Y/n.” “Bye Dad.”

At the entrance of the school, you saw Hyunjin. He had been waiting for you for a few minutes. “Hey, Y/n.” “Hey.” “I thought maybe we could meet up here at the end of school?” “Why not,” you said while giving him a friendly smile. “Oh look, it’s the love birds.” “Are you gonna kiss? Mmmwah.” Suddenly, a random group of girls walked by the two of you and decided to bother you both. “Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss-“ “SHUT UP. We’re just trying to have a normal FUCKING CONVERSATION.” You shouted back at the group of girls bothering you and Hyunjin. Hyunjin looked at you a little shocked, but only for a few seconds before a smirk appeared on his face. How could it be, that this was the guy who was your boyfriend. You couldn’t believe that this was the same guy you once questioned if he would ever like you back.

You walked inside with your boyfriend, walking straight to your lockers, separating you from each other. When you opened your locker, you saw a small note fall from it. “From Hyunjin” you read. You didn't think he would actually write you a note as he said the day before. “I wasn’t fully sure if you wanted it on texts or a piece of paper. But I can’t wait for us to see each other after school. I love you and I’ll be thinking about you during classes.♡” You were speechless. You had no idea Hyunjin meant what he said by leaving you messages for you to read.

Hyunjin decided to follow you to your class. You were worried if he would make it to his class too. “Will you make it to your class too?” You asked. “Yeah, it’s in the same hall as yours.” Wait, what? Same hall?? AND YOU NEVER KNEW?! “What, really?” “Yeah, does it bother you?” You could have seen Hyunjin a lot more if you knew. Instead, you had to wait till every Thursday, just to at least get a glimpse of him. “Oh, no, it’s not. I just wished I knew so I could see you a little more.” “Oh, well you know now,” he said with a smile on his face.

The class was boring. But the thought of Hyunjin was motivating you to keep going with the lesson. You were surprised that you would use entire school hours to think about one boy. Even knowing, that you once spent a whole day thinking about him, made you think you were going crazy. The letter he put in your locker was too sweet for you to forget about. He, and that letter, was what kept you unfocused in the lesson. You wouldn’t even care if the teacher found out about you not listening to her. You liked your math teacher, even though she was very quick-tempered. Not like your art teacher at all. He was just an asshole who was angry all the time. He was the cause for you to very regularly ask yourself why he even got hired.

After the last lesson of the day, you went to the hallway you knew Hyunjin’s class was in, to see if you could find your boyfriend. You kept searching for him and finally spotted him leaving his class. “Are you looking for your boyfriend?” a sudden person said. “Who?” “No way she's asking who her boyfriend is! Haha! Is she serious right now?” they said to their friend. “What a loser,” you heard one of them whisper while they were walking away. You thought you had finally gotten a moment of peace. But suddenly other people in the hall started talking about you. “That's Hyunjin’s girlfriend?” “Man, she's stupid.” You had already heard that before so it didn’t bother you. Though the two others after that were what hurt you. “Didn't see her the other couple of times, but definitely shouldn't be with him. I bet he doesn’t even love her.” “He shouldn’t have someone like her. I’d be a much better replacement for that bitch.” You looked down at the floor, thinking of what they just said. Suddenly you felt a hand on your left shoulder. It was Hyunjin’s. “Don’t worry, I do love you,” he said to reassure you. “Thank you, I love you too.” “We should go before more people pop up.” You told him. “You’re right, We have to get home to mine.”

On your way to the lockers, you asked him, “By the way, did you think of me during classes as you wrote in the letter?” “Oh, so you did see my letter. Started to think I put it in the wrong locker.” You started to giggle when he said that. “Really? Well don’t worry, you got the right locker.” The both of you giggled together.

You and Hyunjin finally made it home to his. It was tidy and cozy there. “Are you hungry or thirsty?” How did he know? “Yeah, actually a bit of both.” “I’m not sure what exactly we have, but take whatever.” You couldn’t just take whatever as he said. It wouldn’t be good if you did end up taking something you weren’t allowed to. “Got fruit?” “Yeah, we do. Apples, oranges, bananas and melon.” “I think I'll just take an apple and a glass of water.” “That's all?” “Yeah, I think so.”

You and Hyunjin went to Hyunjin’s room to play games or maybe even watch something. “Movies or games?” “What about both? We have the time for it don’t we?” You said letting out a small giggle right after. “Sounds better than doing only one of them.” The both of you giggled together.

“What do you wanna play?” “Let’s play xxxxxx. Only if you have it that is.” “I do. I just got it a few days ago cause of the good reviews.” “Yeah, my brother has it too. We like to play it when we don’t argue.” “Do you and your brother argue a lot?” “Not always but most of the time.” “ I wouldn’t know since I’m an only child,” He said giggling.

The two of you were playing for hours. Round after round. You didn’t even notice how the time was flying.

“Wooo, another win for me,” he said loudly. “Again? I only have a few wins.” “That’s fine. But, I’m getting hungry. You too?” “Yeah, that apple didn’t do as much as I thought it would.” “Oh gosh, you must have been hungry for a long time then.” He was surprised you never said anything.

He was so nice to you all day. He really was the one in your opinion. You kept thinking to yourself that you would never get a boyfriend as sweet as him.

“Let’s order takeout. Shall we?” He asked, bringing you out of your thoughts. “Yeah, sounds great.” “Hmmm. Pizza?” “I love pizza! Yeah!” “I'll call up a pizza place.” “Go for it.” “Ah wait. Who's paying?” He asked. For a few seconds, there was a painfully loud silence. “I could?” You asked. “I can also.” “ Nah, I will.” “Fine, fine, if you insist.”

When the pizza was ordered, the two of you decided to play a game of Truth or Dare. “Y/n, Truth or Dare?” “Truth, to stay on the safe side.” “Oh come on. I don’t have a truth for you.” “Too bad.”

Hyunjin had to think for 20 seconds straight, only to think of a dare. “You're taking a long time.” You said with no hesitation. “Be patient, will you? You lucky I have one for you.” “Ok.” “Who is the best boyfriend you have ever had?” “You took 20 seconds for that.. but it’s you obviously.” Hyunjin slightly giggled at what you said. “Ok, now, Truth or Dare?” “Dare, 'cause I’m not boring.” “I hoped for you to say dare honestly.” “Now I’m getting scared.” “Ok, your dare is…” You stopped for a second to think before you said anything.

Was it okay to ask this even though you hadn’t been with him for a long time? “I wanna but...

Should I?”

The end

To be continued

Made by Potato 2

#stray kids #classmates #crush #classmates to friends #classmates to lovers #besties to enemies #friends to secret lovers #friends to enemies #rumours #high school #hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids hwang hyunjin

[regular-lord-reckoner]

well, what a week this has been !!

our downstairs ac unit and our water heater decided to tear up at the exact same time !!

so, i spent a good chunk of yesterday just cleaning out the space to get the water heater so my mom wouldn't have to do any of it later

that was one good thing about it being 59 degrees down there! the upstairs one still works just fine but like....hot air rises so i even double checked, but yeah, 70 degrees with the fan on and it didn't do a damn thing for the downstairs so

anyway

i got it all cleared out and a plumber is supposed to be on his way now. he had some emergency cases come up but said he still wanted to come check it out.

my dad had told my mom that the water heater was going to go soon, so we kinda figured. i have taken two...very cold showers this week but it's all good. made the pink stay in my hair longer so there's that

had therapy after that but it was a good session so that was nice. she said i was doing better than i was a year ago and i guess i can see that. even a little bit of progress is still progress and even if i'm the only one that sees it

mostly what i've been dealing with is just...exhaustion. with all this wacky thermostat shit there have been so many nights the aux heat has kicked on downstairs and made it insufferable upstairs so i wake up at like 4 am and just can't get back to sleep

i've been working 50 hour weeks pretty much nonstop for months now but i'm trying to at least not get so stressed during the work day, especially when doing chores eats up all my time like it did yesterday

i ended up having to do all the work i was supposed to do yesterday today which ended up taking all day but i just took my time for the most part and tried not to get too overwhelmed for no good reason

good news, though!! i got it all done. i've been trying to help out my mom more since this whole neck/arm situation started a few weeks ago. i hate that she's been in pain for so long and we still don't really have any concrete answers.

her pcp just wanted to talk about other shit besides this injury but she did at least order an mri which i'm going with her to get done tomorrow so hopefully that'll give us some answers or at least figure out what to do next.

she's been able to get some relief but not entirely and it's also been causing her to lose sleep so we're a pretty sad bunch by the end of every week the pair of us but we're pulling through !!

in the mean time, someone did come out earlier about the ac and i think it ended up being something about the compressor? they'll have to order a part so it'll be sometime next week but i think the weather is supposed to get warmer then so if it takes a minute i think we'll be okay because i can then at least run the cool air upstairs and it should be fine downstairs

mom's keeping warm by the fireplace and has a heated blanket as well and she said at night she can run a little heater in her room and it works just fine so we'll be okay with that and i can take more cold showers if need be especially if it does heat up that's no problem

wild how the other day it started out 70 damn degrees and humid as shit and then it rained and dropped down to 40 degrees immediately

can't wait to see what kinda interesting spring weather we're about to have. also can't believe it's already march holy shit

the way i'm perceiving time these days is just completely and utterly fucked so that seems especially unreal to me

alright, i think i've rambled enough for now and i've typed a lot today so i'm going to give my fingers a rest (lol) and just scroll for a while, turn this old brain off as best as i can even though it never goes off completely

hope it's a good weekend for you if you're reading this, even if you have to work or have some other bullshit you don't want to do. try to get some rest somewhere in there and so will i <3

ps: plumber just got here !!

#nothing bad just my week

[zeldadiarist]

Zelink Week 2022, Day Seven

It’s the end of @zelinkweekofficial , and it's been a great one! I missed taking part in this event. I'm happy to have met new artists and writers, and to have a massive stash of fics to binge on.

I want to give a huge thank you to @zeldaelmo @braidymaidy and @drsteggy for being my beta readers for most of the prompts, they're lifesavers 💖

Day seven: Healing

A miracle.

That’s what everyone said at the Gerudo Guard about the incredible rescue Lieutenant Link Farron had performed at the Highlands. He had also escaped a certain death from the violent flood that produced a landslide wiping out the area in which he was working.

To his chagrin, instead of going home, he was kept in observation at the hospital. He considered that besides what happened - the parts he did and did not mention - he was perfectly fine and healthy. No reason to have him resting in bed, lest to have him fully examined.

The only positive thing was not hearing the earful of concerns from his parents on his slate, or in a minor extent, his girlfriend’s. That, until his slate buzzed, and a name he feared almost as much as his mother’s appeared on the screen.

Would it be wise to answer? Of course. If he didn’t, the tiny Princess of Hyrule and freshly reacquainted friend - he had sent her flowers for her graduation after he read her incredible Master’s Degree research (not that he also was listed on the dedication of it) - would blast his slate into oblivion with calls.

He did respond, breathing in, preparing for the incoming storm.

And he heard a sob instead.

"Zelda?"

"Omigoddess, you're okay." She sighed loudly, relieved.

“Of course I am,” he chuckled.

“Excuse me? ‘Of course I am?’” She mocked his answer, anger bubbling in her intonation. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, YOU MORON!” She broke into tears again, mumbling some incoherent words and probably some cursing at him.

Link apologized, not sure if she was being extra dramatic - a trait of her personality - or if the flood had been more destructive than he remembered - Link tended to minimize certain situations. It seemed on this occasion it was the latter, since few things made Zelda cry; she was particularly sensitive at loss, whether it was potential or concrete.

She sniffled a little after her weeping had subdued. “The first thing I thought when I heard there had been a landslide while you were working was ‘shit, I never apologized to him’… and here I am.”

“Apologize for what?” Link was dumbfounded.

“You haven’t done anything wrong… besides calling me moron and whatever you said before.”

On the other side of the line, Zelda either suspected he was avoiding facing the subject matter that distanced them - maybe it wasn’t the right place and time to do so  considering they hadn’t even seen each other in person yet - or that he was being as clueless and scatterbrained as she remembered him to be. Some things don’t change easily, after all.

She chose to keep things lighthearted, considering the current circumstances.

“For eating the coffee cake your dad baked for the visit you were going to pay the castle this weekend,” she bluffed.

Link just gasped, feigning offense, then breaking into laughter. It was so strange; just hearing her voice made him feel better - a warm, fuzzy feeling, the same sensation a good hug with someone you love leaves.

She joined his contagious laugh, and Goddesses, he could not drown in that bloody flood but he would gladly do so in her laughter. It made him feel like a child again: no anxiety, stress, or pain of any kind.

It was the strangest, yet most effective medicine he had ever taken.

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” she said sweetly. “I hope the hospital lets you go soon.”

“I hope the same, they’re overreacting,” he assured her. “I just need some sleep.”

She giggled at his words. “You always need sleep, silly.” She stayed silent for a moment. “Maybe I should let you get some rest,” she commented. “I can call you later…”

Link realized he was about to screw up the moment if he didn’t act now.

“No no no,” he cut her off, “I’d love to keep talking with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath. “How have you been?”

“You sure you wanna catch up now?” she asked him. “You know I talk a lot.”

He smiled wide, bright as the sun after a storm.

“And I’d love to hear what you have to say."

#zelink week 2022 #zelink week #zelink #golden chain au #modern zelink

[khaleesiofalicante]

every wednesday I remember about LBAF new chapter at 7pm when I am either neck deep in shit or about to take a nap and just stare into space for a while knowing I wont be able to liveblog

BUT IT IS FRIDAY AND IT IS 11 SOMETHING AND I AM VERY TIRED BUT I NEED TO DO THIS SO LET'S GO

okay but brain tired I dont remember anything from the prev chapter. Except Nico. That was something else

why is he stressed...what did I miss?

OMG YEAHHH THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY

omg chairman is DRESSED UP

So, here he was, wearing a white kurta with sequins and shit.

damn.

OH RIGHT THE KISS

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT LMAO

yeah secrets are not secrets in this household

Murder, arson, violence :)

Also, would I kill Marcus on site? Yes. Am I attracted to crazy smart assholes who would burn the world down and just intelligence in general? ...yes. I CAN EXPLAIN MYSELF-

Not excusing the shit he did though of course not.

HE IS GETTING MARRIED YOU GUYS I CANNOT BELIEVE

He wondered if he should sit down and talk to bapak about it. Maybe he should check if bapak wasn’t having an immortality crisis while Max was growing up and Rafe was getting married.

omg...

also Lucifer and shadow demons are definitely coming up in this fic. And Nico saw some future glimpse about the LBs which is why he told magnus to take care of them or sum shit. Oh and the Logan (?) guy with mal is the warlock. Also poison theory confirmed! -Leftover thoughts from Tuesday

just kill her now and end it. sigh

Max ignored that. “First…I think she has feelings for me.”

Really Max? You think?

And then he thought, if anyone other than David kisses me ever again, I will set myself on fire.

Oh damn. OH DAMN

pull..?

I dont like this...

“I…I can’t live without him,” Max whispered.

SHUT THE FUCK UP LEAVE ME ALONE

this is sad. I shall now cry

is this foreshadowing? to there being a way for this?'

“If a solution doesn’t exist,” Max said. “Then I will create one myself.”

I...FUCK

ABIGAIL OMG SHE IS EATING GRASS

Abigail is literally the best character in here

New beginnings are so beautiful

Okay but I know we're all worried for the entire mavid drama rn but I am particularly worried about lexi and liv.

they cant communicate. That's it. It was an issue when they first got "together" and then when they finally actually got together and it has clearly not changed one bit. Right now it's about moving in together, what will it be next? I remember thinking it was a little funny in part 1 and 2 but it's just concerning now. How will they work in the long term like this? Relationships cannot be built on miscommunications.

Anyway.

Need to see jace and gabriel bonding please and thank you. Jace's fears are totally valid though but I feel like he needs to actually get to know Gabriel.

He knew Magnus was struggling with his immortality lately.

oh :(

GIGI SAID OKAY IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER

omg MALEC AS GRANDPARENTS HJSAUIDIUIJLF

I love diego and alec so much

He saw two girls running across Angel Square, holding hands and trading soft kisses. Unafraid. Unbothered.

Beautiful.

Alec did this <3

“It’s called sexual tension, dad, jeez,” Max had scoffed when Alec had voiced his surprise.

YES!

the blackouts...fuck

oh we had one yesterday! not a magical one but it was in the middle of my nap...

They had an alliance. They protected each other. They helped each other.T hey trusted each other.

I am so proud of him too <3

Would literally die for him

Why was everyone taking so long to get ready? How long did it take to put something on? Five minutes???

DUDE??? WHAT??

Whenever I have to get ready for something, I kick everyone (my brother) from my room and lock the door for a good hour or 2. We just hosted a dinner last week...HOW THE FUCK DOES IT TAKE YOU 5 MINUTES-

“I know she is safe with you. I know however much I love her; Rafael loves her twice as much. Maybe thrice. I have no doubt that he will be a good husband. But Anjali is not just gaining a husband. She is gaining a whole new family.” “And I will protect her as I protect the rest of them,” Alec promised. “That’s all I needed to know,” Diego let out a deep exhale.

Just...no words

no warlocks here...fuck

magnus? you good?

FUCKING WARLOCK MATH

but like...damn he can do math...damn...

me @ me:

10?? 15?? DUDE??

oh my god his OUTFIT I WILL DIE

oh my god they're wearing a lehnga...fuckkkkkkkk

uhhkdhdshjds women

FUCK FUCK FUCK THE OUTFITS I WILL DIE OMG DAVID SELENA AND LEXI FUCK

i will actually pass out they are all so hot

Selena chuckled, realizing that this meant David had probably tried to take selfies with Chopin before.

proof or it didn't happen

I NEED THE MEHNDI DESIGNS BTW

LMAO SOON??? MEHNDI??? HILARIOUS JOKE SELENA

Gabriel...OH MY GOD

sigh...jace be nice

oh yeah logan YOUNG. and they are TWINS

She thought of all the young warlocks in the blacked out cities. They must be terrified of not being able to access their magic. She hoped they felt safe enough to reach out to their institutes.

omg...

GABRIEL AND SELENA OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE

the signal's been down for that long...?

fuck

also do not climb the twoers

FUCK

THE DEVICE

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I WILL KILL SOMEONE

“Anjali said the ceremony lasts past midnight,” Rafael informed. “So, you’re gonna stay put and play nice.”

Yeah! Welcome to a desi wedding, my loves <3

Today was about him. Him and his amor. Fuck everyone else.

HELL YEAH

his magic...the device

oh :( nooo that's so sad

they should be able to choose their own suggens properly

they're all so BEAUTIFUL

ABBY DO NOT EAT MEHNDI JHJDKFJD

What’s with all the gorgeous women today?

DUDE I KNOW RIGHT??

omg she's beautiful...

“Did you know that the colour of the mehndi has a deeper meaning?” Anjali’s mother asked him. “The darker it is, the happier your marriage will be.” “No pressure,” Rafael chuckled as he looked at Anjali. “Your hands better be red when you wash the mehndi off.”

THEM <333

She knew how to take his dreams and make them come true.

This!! oh my god this!!

I have a feeling something will go wrong

gun

ANJALI NO NO NO FUCK

ANJALI WHAT HAPPENED

I HAVE NO SCROLLED PAST THE FIRST "anjali"

I WILL DIE

NO

OH MY GOD

DIEGO AND DIVYA

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

nope nuh uh I am done goodbye

marcus. fucking marcus.

I...oh my fucking god...

THE MEMES IN THIS ONE KILLED ME.

ps - all of yall lusting after the white kurta has me cackling lol.

#lbaf

[nsk96]

Personal rant:

So I just found out that my mom plans to get the house fogged this weekend. When tf was she gonna tell me?!! The morning of? I have an exam next week!

Whenever we have to get the house fogged for the gnats that only she can feel, I have to cover everything in my room that I don't want to get messed up because the chemical used leaves a residue. And since I can't be in the house when the fogging happens, I have to also secure any of my precious belongings and anything I don't want my dad to have access to because I will have to leave my bedroom open for this. This takes so much time.

Also there's the chocolate on my bedroom floor to worry about (because I have nowhere else to store it and my mom must store it in my room or else my dad may steal it and give it to his secret lover or he may just poison it 🙃).

And if that wasn't bad enough, the residue left behind makes it more difficult for me to breath so that means when the fogging is done, I have to clean every surface in my room if I hope to breath normally again. I don't even know what to do about my plushies and anime figures. This shit is time consuming, time I don't have because I have an exam and group case next week, and once those are done, I have the pinning ceremony to prepare for. Then after that, I have to spend the only break I have before rotation starts, on doing continuing education to renew my pharm tech certification!

"I have to do what I can to survive" my mom said. Well I should have done what I could to survive which was to move out when I had the chance so I wouldn't have to deal with this shit. And she would have the audacity to say that I don't tell her how I'm feeling but I express how stressed out I am about everything all the time.

But all she sees is that I get through it and then afterwards she just forgets what I had to put up with. One time she was like "I know you been through so much that's why I'm proud of what you've accomplished" while in the same conversation, saying that I never told her what I was experiencing (even though I told her every detail as it was happening). Her "I'm proud of you" just feels like empty words when they're followed by her diminishing my experience and invalidating my feelings.

Earlier she came home with groceries around 12pm, because she had to go on her lunch break. I was taking my vitamins so I didn't come help her. She made a fuss about me not helping her and I told her I'm taking my "vitamins". She said "well I didn't even take my medicine yet" (to guilt me and for what reason? What's done is done). She did some more rambling and said "I didn't even eat breakfast."

She just has to make it about her. Didn't consider that my hands are clean and I don't want to drop everything. I have medicine to take too and I was already late at taking them. I'm on topiramate for migraines; I can't be late with that shit. What if I was in the middle of studying? She still expect me to drop my studying to come help with the groceries like I always do? I'm on a time crunch right now.

Also, it's not my fault she didn't have breakfast. Am I supposed to make her breakfast every single day? I try to make her food to help her out but it can't be an everyday thing I have my own things to do. She's a vegetarian who doesn't eat egg while I'm not. It's not always easy making breakfast for the two of us especially in the situation we live in where I can't trust half the food in our fridge.

I hardly got any studying done this week because I had the OSCE exam Monday, then doctor's appointment Tuesday, then mom wanted to go to the bank on Wednesday. Then having to deal with emails in between trying to get a grade fixed and figuring out what I need for my rotations. I'm beyond exhausted that I couldn't even focus on anything this week despite my best efforts. Falling asleep at my study desk 5 minutes into the lectures that I'm trying to study for the exam and the group case for next Monday.

This is why I should have moved out. I wouldn't have to worry about all of this shit if I just lived by myself and could control how much I see my family. Maybe I'd actually want to be around my family more if I was allowed the space to have peace. I'm so tired of struggling in school and getting below average grades when I know I can thrive if I just had a chance to feel safe and not be exhausted from living in this environment.

And I still have my laundry to do. Can’t do it if we fog the house 😮‍💨

#personal rant #pharmacy school adventures #personal #tw mom mention #tw dad mention #tw narcissistic parent

[gjenevarants]

Insomnia/Tears

2/26/24

Insomnia has been a bitch for the past few weeks. It's been at its worst this past week though. The least I've slept is probably four hours. The most I've slept is probably seven, but with that, I'm not falling asleep until four or five in the morning, meaning I'm waking up sometime between ten and eleven right before lunch. And that means I'm only eating twice a day.

Mostly I've been keeping myself distracted by reading when sleep escapes me, but I'm almost out of books. I think I have maybe two left now? Other times I've been writing, but as that is something I do during the day to pass the time, it doesn't do as much for me.

Tonight or today I guess it's three in the morning as I write this, I got in my head again. Mostly anger and loneliness rearing their heads. Maybe a bit of despair as well. I'm honestly tempted to take my meds again. They were only for anxiety and they didn't work all that well when it came to that, but at least while I was taking them I wasn't crying every other night.

Truthfully I'm writing this to try and keep myself distracted from the endless cycle of internalized self deprivation. At least with this, I can occupy myself with trying to keep track of typing and hitting the wright keys in the dark.

I have a to do list that I made in January. I started on it then when I came back from dad's and I haven't touched it since. I don't even know what's on it anymore. So I need to take care of all of that. I know doing my laundry is on there. I also need to talk to my parents and schedule my wisdom teeth removal. I should have had them taken care of years ago. Its at the point now where if their in for maybe... four more months I might have serious damage. I'm starting to feel weird jaw shit now too, so it definitely needs to happen as soon as possible, probably next month.

Another thing that needs to happen is my acquisition of a job. I don't know when my taxes are due for my car but I now it's some time within the next two-three months. I'm starting to stress about it. I need to set up an eBay account so I can sell some of my old action figures. Some of them are actually worth money even out of the box. I also need to finish up my mushroom hat project so that I can finish my earring project. I never should have started the mushroom hat without finishing the earrings but I got excited. The mushroom hat is a personal thing, but at least with the earrings I can make money.

I want to look into trying to get a savings account that my mom can't see. Both her and my dad have access to my bank account because they have passed money to each other through it before. I really want to remove mom's access but I have no idea how. She looks at it some times and asks me questions about it all nosy and judgmental like: "Did you get Starbucks again?" No. That shouldn't even be listed I literally bought that with a gift card. I think I'm scared she's going to seal from me? I've said it before but she is shit at managing money. I'm worried that once I get a job, she'll start skimming from my funds.

I already owe her money for the college classes I dropped out of. Who knows how much I'll have to contribute to rent. To taxes. I've been measuring my money in how much a week worth of personal groceries costs me. I've been forgetting about personal necessities because of that. Really, all of this scares me. At this rate everything scares me. So much for stopping tears. I'm crying again. I just woke up the cat from blowing my nose.

Speaking of the cat, I definitely have PTSD after Sabi. At the end of his life he had a mass in his gut as well as/caused by organ/intestine deterioration. His stomach would gurgle almost constantly. Hearing that with him was comforting because I knew it meant he was still alive. Nibi's stomach has been making gurgling noises too now. I think it only happens after she uses the litter box or eats. It freaks me the fuck out though because every time I hear it, I think there's something wrong and that she's going to end up in the same spot Sabi was in. My mom's cat is a whole other thing/mess. Ari's at the point where I think it's kinder to let her go, but mom doesn't listen. When she does it goes back to money.

Why does everything circle back to money? What dumbass came up with the brilliant idea of everything revolving around money. Who the fuck needs to revolve around the sun? We can use paper bills and tiny little coins that some random people somewhere will collect.

Nibi just came back from wherever she went. I'm going to keep an ear out for her tummy and hope for the best. Maybe I'll be able to get four to seven shitty hours of sleep now.

[sad-boy-mono]

Ima be whiny and rant about my morning getting ready for a roadtrip. Idc if I sound like a whiny bitch IM FEELING LIKE A WHINY BITCH SO

My mom said we'd start packing up the car around 10 (to quote her directly, she wanted to "haul ass at 10") but she didn't even get home from a doctor's appointment until 10:30.

I woke up at 9 anticipating we'd be hauling ass at 10 (I've been waking up at 1pm everyday for the past 2 weeks) and went to bed at 4 (not by choice) so I could've gotten at least a bit more sleep.

I'm already overstimulated cuz I'm tired and now more so cuz we're off the given schedule.

So much time just getting shit into the car.

A CD I got in May is stuck in my dad's car. My dad's car recently was taken into the shop for some repairs. My mom said she brought up my stuck CD. Is my CD unstuck? Nope!

(Also secondary rant but this CD being stuck has caused me so much more stress than it should. It was $12 so not a huge financial loss but it's also my favorite album and the CD is sold out. My family doesn't have a good way to listen to music from phones in our car cuz we don't have Bluetooth and auxcords always end up hella staticy so we use CDs and I was so excited to finally have some new music in the car but I got to listen to it once before it got stuck and won't even play music because my mom messed with it trying to get it out. And then there's the added feeling of when you're upset about something that isn't a big deal and you KNOW it isn't a big deal so you feel dumb about getting so worked up about it because it's just a fucking CD and you could probably figure out a way to download the album and burn a new one but you bought this one from an artist you love and want to support so now you just feel dumb and stupid and wanna cry everytime you think about it and WHY DIDNT THE REPAIR PEOPLE GET IT OUT DID MY MOM LIE ABOUT TELLING THEM? IM SO PISSED. SECONDARY RANT OVER)

I have much less space then I thought I would in the car.

I remembered I'd have to spend a lot of time around my cousins (not necessarily a bad thing. But my social battery is a constant 0%. Also I came out to my uncle as trans a while back and he reacted badly and I really don't wanna be around him :/)

We're on the road and I forgot how loud and bumpy highways are in this shit stain of a country (#americacore)

Also my mom smokes. The smell + open window being loud is not helping.

Did I mention the roads suck? Because the roads suck.

I'm crammed in the back and everytime we make a turn I'm crushed by my aunt's wheelchair.

I love my family so much like genuinely, but being around them is hard cuz they're always up here 📈 all the time and I'm always down here 📉 all the time so being around them is hard due to how our energies don't align for lack of a better term.

Did I mention the roads suck? Cause the roads really fucking suck-

I didn't eat this morning and am hunger. I cannot reach any of the food/snacks we packed

I spent like 30 minutes fighting back a meltdown low-key.

Having boobs is actually such an icky feeling? Like not binding was a good choice but when roads are as bumpy as there are here maybe I should've just worn a binder?

HAVE I MENTIONED THESE FUCKING ROADS-

I don't have the money for Spotify premium (#brokecore)

Also I packed my laptop and every moment it isn't in my sight I fear it is being destroyed viciously (it is literally at the top of the bag pile and surrounded by clothing)

Did my hair this morning and it just like. Wasnt working with me :/

HOW DO ROADS MANAGE TO BE SO FUCKING LOUD WHAT THE FUCK-

Anyways I'm excited for this weekend :]. I'm going to a powwow in my extended family's town and supposedly it's gonna be hella big. We're staying in an AirBnB and it has a lake n shit so we can go swimming n shit. I might have my own room? Idk tho if not I'll live. I got my headphones.

#mono stop talking #mono stop venting #vent #long post

[apples-and-heartbreak]

Ok so like another rant about my problems, here we go. So like yesterday, my dad and one of his friends? Uncles? Came to our house and like the uncle was nice right. But like all he talked about with me was my weight and how I don’t eat enough and I should get healthier. Like I sensed he was coming from a place of concern, but that is literally all he talked about and how I should make a meal plan to eat more. I got passed because like why are you talking about only this? And I was still respectful to him but I iced out my dad. When he came back from dropping the uncle off, he asked me why I was acting so shitty and I told him that I didn't like how the uncle was talking to me about only my weight and nothing else. And my dad was like "well he's a doctor and knows what he's doing and why can't you take criticism and anyone can that you're skin and bones." This went on for a while and he called me useless like my mother's family and how I'm not gonna get anywhere in life and am a failure. For some reason he always compares me to my mom's side of the family and like my mom works so fuckig hard like why are you disrespecting her like that just because my uncle couldn't take the stress of living abroad and went back home? Anyway, I'm used to hearing that shit but like whenever I get into arguments with my dad I always end up crying from frustration. So I went to my room and I could hear him talking about how could his kids turn out to be so pathetic to my grandma and that he should kill himself so he doesn't have to deal with our patheticness. He also said how he wanted to disown me and throw me out of the house. Like that hurt even more because he said that to my face as well but like yeah. He also told me that if I was gonna be a useless and pathetic baby who can't handle criticism, he doesn't want me to be anywhere near his friends and just lock myself in my room whenever they come to the house. Now that everything's cooled down, I'm kinda wondering if I was too harsh on the uncle because he was looking out for me so I don't waste away and was genuinely a nice and respectable person but you know. So like therapy seems like a good option. And like I can't seem to give a crap about my dad rn. Not to mention that the other day he made my 6 year old brother cry because he didn't play soccer well during his match. Like what do you expect!? He's 6! And yesterday morning my brother cried to my mom about how he socks at soccer and that broke my hear because this is a child and he feels like shit.

So like dad I hope you never find this but I have something to tell you: I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING RACE HORSE THAT YOU CAN BET ON OKAY! YOU LIKE TO USE THAT METAPHOR SO MUCH AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SICK OF IT! YOU CAN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT AND THEN TURN AROUND AND ASK THEM FOR BEING STRESSED OUT! IT'S A HUMAN EMOTION AND JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SO UP YOUR ASS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT TRUE!

Anyway this has been a roller coaster and if anyone's reading this I hope you enjoyed the show. Come back next time for more of Great Poison's family drama and things I will bring up when I get a therapist in the not so distant future.

#great poison talks #is this trauma #i need a therapist #i wrotee this instead of writing my essay for english and studying for my bio midterm

[creaturebloom]

eddie is set to come home tomorrow evening and i am soooo fucking nervous oh my god if it’s anything like thursday i honestly don’t know what’s going to happen

im putting this under a read-more bc i’m very on edge right now, this is more of a rant than anything so

tl;dr eddie was doing just okay today, not very active and had diarrhea few times but no vomiting as of this morning. fingers crossed that he comes home tomorrow able to drink water on his own

i bought a bunch of like “treat at home” parvo supplies, even though he will have been hospitalized for a total of 4 1/2 days. we honestly can’t afford it if he needs to be hospitalized again, all the credit cards are maxed out. idk whether to start a gofundme or whatever like. idk im trying not to worry about the money right now.

but when my mom went to visit eddie was doing a bit better than when we took him in, but not nearly as good as he had been on wednesday. he also had diarrhea while she was there, thankfully still no blood. the vet tech had said during the night he was doing okay and urinating normally, which he hadn’t thursday night at home and literally just held it until he couldn’t anymore. he wanted to go outside so bad and we kept putting him on his puppy pads and trying to coax him into just going but he’s so well trained like he just would sit on them and look at us so sad and so exhausted

ofc when he finally did pee, not on a pad, we praised him enough to get the smallest little tail wag out of him which was about as much tail wagging as he had done since getting home at all

i just worry that thursday night set him back too much, because honestly the vet tech that discharged him gave us nearly ZERO info on how to care for him at home. we had no idea we would have to force feed/water him. no idea what amounts. like legitimately the actual veterinarians are great, but the techs (nurses, basically) have been really hit and miss through all this. some are great and very informative, others are just like "sucks he won’t pee in his cage here oh well” after my mom told them that he really doesn’t like to do that and will just hold it until he can go outside

PLUS we were told on thursday at discharge that he had eaten breakfast and lunch, but we were NOT told that he had to be force-fed and refused to eat on his own. when my mom dropped him off friday morning and told the actual vet doctor this, she just kind of shook her head and sighed, clearly understanding we should have been told this info and weren’t.

like legitimately they gave us a basic discharge paper with limited instruction for general after-hospital care. nothing parvo specific, the fucking sheet even said we could take him for walks after 10 days and uhhh that’s simply not true at all. nothing about how to hydrate or feed him. nothing about what we needed to look out for, or how to keep his environment. which is so fucking awful because a different vet tech had been super great and answered all my mom’s questions and was very thorough with what they were giving him, how he was doing while there, all of that.

i honestly am just praying that he’s drinking water on his own by tomorrow. like that’s the biggest thing, because he HATES being given a syringe in the mouth to give him water, and we could only ever get the smallest fucking amounts on thursday night. if we’d have known we needed to really keep on it, and the AMOUNT he needed to drink, we would have done more. i feel so guilty but like. we legitimately were not told any of this, we had to learn it from fucking youtube.

my dad is also in a down time, which makes the idea of caring for him and eddie at the same time even more overwhelming. if you’re unaware, my father has dementia and i, my brother, and my mom all caregive for him 24/7/365. but it’s just extra stressful trying to do both. thursday night was miserable and that was even with my dad in a good mood. all day and night he’s been grumpy as shit, getting up and down every 20 minutes, not wanting to use the restroom even to change his diapers, which absolutely need it most of the time. just honestly a really bad time for my dad to be in a down period right now.

i’m. so overwhelmed oh my god. i had a panic attack earlier, i feel like the hits honestly just keep on coming. the last two holiday seasons have been absolute nightmares, and i just can’t take another winter with everything falling to shit around me and there being absolutely nothing i can do about it.

god i just hope eddie is drinking water on his own. like honestly that would be the biggest fucking relief. idc about whether or not he’ll eat on his own, i got nutri-care gel stuff for calories, we can spoon feed him or whatever, but the most important thing is to keep him hydrated and i’m terrified of how that’s going to go if he won’t drink on his own.

if we can’t get him to drink with the syringe or it’s clear he’s getting dehydrated we’re going to take him to the original vet (where he got diagnosed tuesday morning) and ask them for subcutaneous supplies and to show us exactly how to do it -- which they previously said they would do, before eddie was admitted to the hospital.

jesus this is long. i’m just so fucking exhausted already and i’m so scared that eddie isn’t going to make it for whatever reason. fuck.

#eddie updates #whiny baby post #honestly this is just a huge rant im just so overwhelmed by everything right now

[goldenshoyo]

Taste like Strawberries - DILF Daichi

Warnings: Fem!Reader, age gap (Reader is 22 and Daichi is mid to late 30s), daddy kink (obv), brat taming, finger sucking, spit kink sorta, dumbification, degradation, thigh riding, oral (m. receiving), rough sex, a little praise, alcohol consumption. (as always, let me know if you want something else tagged)

Word Count: 4.9k (honestly idk how it got so long hahaha sorry)

Author’s note: This is my contribution to @kaijime's dilf collab! Make sure you go check out the masterlist and read all the wonderful works on there as well! Also, I edited this at 2am; so sorry if it is a mess.

--

Can you pick Mei up for me? I have to work late.

You sigh looking down at the text from your sister, this is the third time in the last few weeks she’s sprung this on you. Despite knowing there’s nothing she can do about it, it’s irritating with her husband traveling and needing to work. The one good thing is the quality time you get funny spoiling your niece after school, getting her whatever junk food she wants that your sister never lets her have.

Texting her back that you will, you go back to studying. Your final year of college has been more stressful than you expected, work always piling up with your motivation lacking. No wonder so many students take an extra year. However, you were determined to finish now and not extend your torment any longer.

Glancing at your phone you see it’s nearing pick-up time at Mei’s school. You clean up the library table, shoving your laptop and notes into your bag, and leave. The drive isn’t long, her school is close to your apartment and sister’s house so you would have needed to take this route anyways. Pulling into a free spot near the school, you leave your bags in the car going out to meet her by the school’s front gate.

“Big sis!” Your niece squeals and you look up from your phone. She’s dragging another little girl behind her, pulling her your way. “This is Kaiya! She’s my best friend. She said it's okay I use her first name, so don’t scold me like momma does! I let her call me Mei too!”

You laugh listening to her babble on about her new friend. She’s coming up on her 6th birthday, and every day she is growing more and more into her own personality. “I wouldn’t scold you like your mother. You know that,” you bend at the knees, getting at their height.

“Hi Kaiya, I’m ----. It’s nice to meet you.” You shake her little hand and she smiles.

“You’re very pretty, like Mei.” She pulls her hand away and then her lip pouts. “I wish I had a big sister.”

“I can be your big sister too if you want. Mei, you don’t mind sharing me do you?”

“Only if you promise to get me ice cream.” Her eyes and nose squint and she laughs, her mischievous face has stayed the same since she was a toddler. It’s impossible to resist.

You stand up, rubbing her head and laughing. “Fine, we can stop by a shop on the way home.”

“Sorry,” a deep male voice comes from a few feet behind you. “I had a work thing... I’m sorry I’m a little late baby.”

You watch as a tall, broad man picks up Kaiya while she giggles and wraps her arms around his neck while squealing ‘daddy’. You smile politely when he looks at you. His face is handsome, features not too sharp or round; everything about it warm and inviting. He’s still dressed in his uniform, well besides the jacket. You assume he’s a part of the police force from the pants and belt he wears matched with a dark blue shirt that clings to his form.

“I hope she wasn’t bothering you,” he says while setting her down.

“Oh of course not. She was very polite and well behaved. You’ve raised a great daughter.”

He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thank you. I’m Sawamura Daichi, and you are?” His smile is so cute, you think. It’s not forced or out of politeness, but instead genuine happiness.

“---- -----,” you tell him and shake his hand. He squeezes it once, and your stomach turns. What was that?

“Is Mei yours?” He tilts his head, eyes going between you and your niece. “I’ve never met her mother, only your husband. Kaiya talks non-stop about Mei when she’s home with me.”

“Oh, no-no. I’m her aunt. My sister works a lot, so I pick her up from time to time.” You laugh. “I go to the local college, so it’s close by. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Sawamura.” Trying to keep yourself from becoming too flustered, you look away. Watching as your niece digs through her backpack for some reason.

“Please, call me Daichi. It’s nice to-”

“Daddy, big sis is taking Mei to get ice cream!” Kaiya cuts him off. “Can we go too? Pretty please!” She kisses her father’s cheek, smiling brightly as he sets her back down. She holds tight to his hand, begging some more.

“If it’s okay with your dad, we don’t mind. Do we, Mei?”

She nods with a big smile. “Kaiya they have the BEST strawberry flavor.”

“Do you mind? I don’t want to impose on your time with Mei.” Daichi asks while still keeping an eye on the girls, who have wandered a few feet away while blabbering about ice cream flavors.

“Of course not. It’s good for young girls to spend time together.” He nods and thanks you. “There’s a spot close by. We could walk if you don’t mind.”

“Better wrangle the girls then,” he laughs, walking towards them both and getting their attention.

Taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh, you try and relax. It’s just ice cream for the girls… even if Kaiya’s hot dad is coming along. You’re sure he’s just trying to be nice and let his daughter have a nice time. However, it’s hard not to feel something when a man this hot and good with children is around.

The ice cream shop has a pretty outdoor area off the back of the shop, fenced in with a swing set and other children’s toys and playsets. No one else is visiting currently, so the girls have the playground to themselves, running around with ice cream dripping all over the ground when they forget they should be holding the cones up. Sitting quietly, spooning ice cream into your mouth, you try not to stare at Daichi too often.

“What are you studying?” He asks, breaking the silence that was threatening to become awkward.

“Oh, uh,” you swallow the cold cream. “Literature and classics.”

“Interesting. I bet you enjoy reading to your niece then,” he smiles at you before taking another spoonful of ice cream. You can’t help but watch his tongue dart around the spoon.

“Yeah.” You say quickly looking away. “Mei enjoys it, well, when she pays attention. Does Kaiya like stories?”

“Her mother says she always listens to her when she reads, but for me, it’s hard enough to get her to go to bed. I don’t think she’d ever stay still to let me read her a book.” He continues to talk about the weekends he gets with her, and you listen closely.

It’s stupid, you think. You shouldn’t feel this excited that he’s either divorced or at least no longer together with Kaiya’s mom. It’s selfish, but lucky in some ways. You don’t have to worry about a jealous wife coming after you because her husband paid for your ice cream.

“I’m not around for bedtime, so I can’t really relate.” You say softly and stick your tongue out lick the spoon clean. Stopping yourself from licking the ice cream off, deciding to explain more, “Mei never really stays the night anyway. She gets too worked up without her-”

The spoon is plucked from your hands and you frown looking at Daichi, who has a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. “What do you like to do at bedtime?”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you stutter out something incoherent. Daichi’s tongue swipes up your spoon, and you watch carefully, longing to be that spoon as his tongue drags across it.

“Well?” He continues, then hands you back the spoon.

“I, uh, I don’t know.” You manage to stutter some words, even if it's not a real answer. “I uh-”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t need to answer now. Let me see your phone,” he asks holding out his hand and you hurry to hand it to him. He puts in his number then hands it back to you. “I’m not free on weekends unless I get a sitter. But, I’ll see you around.”

You sit, stunned by how quickly that turned from a polite playdate for your niece to potentially a playdate with Daichi. You bring your hands to your face, trying to compose yourself before waving at both Daichi and Kaiya as they leave.

“Big sis,” your niece wines. “Wanna go home.” She pulls you from the park bench and through the shop while you continue trying to collect your thoughts.

Did you really just pull a dad? There’s no way he was serious, right?

--

You texted him the night after you got ice cream, but he hadn’t responded. It wasn’t until late Sunday evening he sent back a short ‘you’re welcome’ after you thanked him for the ice cream. Your face burned and your stomach twisted with every flashback to watching his tongue slide across your spoon.

It was so unnecessary.

It was so hot.

Gathering up the courage to ask when you could see him again took another day and liquid encouragement. Maybe texting him while you were drunk wasn’t the best idea, but it did make sending him photos of yourself a lot easier. The ones you got in return nearly made you drool. Joining the police force ensured he never lost his perfect physique. Every inch of him looked like it had been handcrafted by the gods themself.

Slipping your fingers into your panties and toying with your desperate clit was all too fun when he called you late that night, not caring about his early morning shift or the classes you may have. His voice breathy and deep, yours whiny and high pitched when you came around your fingers begging him to come over and fuck you.

He only laughed, telling you to wait until he had a day off.

--

Sitting across from him at dinner should be fun. He keeps the conversation going and you always paid attention and politely answered. However, it becomes increasingly obvious that the burning between your thighs is becoming unbearable.

“Check please,” he tells the waiter, and you nearly squeal with excitement.

“Mind if I go get some fresh air while you settle the bill?” You ask, placing your hand over his; thumb drawing circles on the back of his hand.

“Of course, sweetheart.” He smiles at you and you walk out of the door, ignoring the way his eyes make you feel as you walk out the door.

Cool evening air hits you hard. Letting out another sigh, you laugh at yourself for acting this desperate in public. He must know. It’s not like you’ve been good at hiding it. You’re worse than a cat in heat, mewling for attention and a quick fix.

“Ready?” His voice startles you and you turn to face him. You nod and he extends his hand out for you. The walk to his car is short, and you’re grateful for the dim lighting in the parking garage once you slide into the passenger seat.

Unable to can’t wait any longer, you straddle his lap in his seat and he tilts his head, looking up at you in amusement. Kissing his neck, you run your hands down his chest and slowly grind against him. His firm hands hold your hips and you whimper, trying to convince him to give your body more attention.

“Daichi,” you whine against his neck. “Please, I need-”

You’re stopped as his hand takes control of your jaw, cheeks squished in his hand while he admires you above him. His gaze is intense, not a hint of a smile or enjoyment on his face, but the bulge in his pants hints otherwise. You frown looking down on him, irritated this is the most he’s touched you all night.

“I don’t like brats.” He says simply. “Impatient ones are even more annoying. Tell me, are you going to be an annoying brat?”

You try and shake your head no, barely getting it to move from side to side in his grip.

“Good,” he releases your face and you sigh. Rubbing your cheeks with your fingers you relent from trying the aggressive approach with him; seeing now he’s much less patient than you had expected. “Now can you wait until Daddy takes you home?”

You nod, a smile brimming on your lips while your stomach turns.

“I want to hear you say it.” His eyes somehow focus on you more, making your stomach twist once more.

“Yes, daddy.”

“Good girl.”

The rest of the drive is silent, his hand resting on your exposed thigh a little too close to the hem for comfort. It keeps your mind buzzing, every nerve lit aflame at the slightest bump in the road or motion of his fingers. His thumb occasionally draws circles on your sensitive skin, and the whimper that always leaves your lips feels embarrassing.

Are you really a whimpering mess already?

Everything about being with Daichi made you feel more intense like your body knew just how to react to everything he does and says. Was it the age difference and excitement? Or was it simply because he knew how to touch and speak to you?

“Sweetheart?” Daichi’s voice draws your attention and you look over to him. “We’re home now. Be a good girl for me, and go unlock the door.” He dangles the keys in front of you and you take them nodding.

“Yes sir,” you slip out of the car. Did you call him sir? At the moment it felt right, but now with your face burning and palms sweating you wonder if he thinks it’s ridiculous.

You unlock the door, pushing it open and standing awkwardly waiting for him to walk up the stairs to the front door. Why is he prolonging this? There was no reason for him to stay behind. Turning your head to look where he parked the car, you see he’s talking to a neighbor, laughing, and paying you no mind.

What’s his game here?

You huff, frustrated, and embarrassed with how desperate you’ve been acting and he seems to not have a care in the world. Stepping inside, you close the door and take your shoes off. He doesn’t mind you having access to his house with you unsupervised. After all, he did give you the keys to unlock the door.

His home looks comfortable and lived in, not overly clean but not messy per se. You sit on the couch, crossing your legs and laying your head back. While you know it’s rude to begin feeling this irritated, if something didn’t happen soon you were going to have to call for a ride and get home to a toy or even indulge in one of the sleazy dating apps you’re all too familiar with.

Pulling out your phone, you respond to a few notifications you garnered over dinner, nothing of real substance, but better than sitting in silence. A few friends have invited you to a bar not too far from your location, and you consider it, but the front door opening grabs your attention.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, sweetheart.” He smiles at you and you lay your phone down on the cushion beside you, feeling like you’ve been caught texting in class. “I see you made yourself at home.”

“Oh, I-” you stand up, even more embarrassed.

Does he take pleasure in making you uncomfortable or are you just too on edge?

“Sit back down,” he laughs walking into the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?”

“No thank you,” you answer quickly, sitting back down and laying your hands in your lap to fiddle with your fingers.

He comes back into the living room with his shirt unbuttoned a few, his chest peeking out, and a beer in his left hand. Sitting on the recliner adjacent to the couch, he motions for you with his pointer finger then pats his lap. Your body moves without thinking, straddling him with your knees sinking into the soft cushion of the recliner on either side of his hips. He grins watching your dress ride up your thighs before he takes a drink from his beer.

“Why are you acting so shy now? What happened to that confident little attitude?” He sets the beer down on the table between the couch and chair.

“Why are you toying with me?” You ask, furrowing your brow and tilting your head. “Just fuck me already.”

“There it is,” he chuckles. “You’re not as good of a girl as you think. You’re nothing more than a spoiled brat who needs put in her place. Lucky for you, I know just how to handle bratty girls like you.”

His thumb pulls on your bottom lip and you part them, letting his middle and index finger slip in and press against your tongue. You moan at first, grinding your cunt against his thigh before his fingers slip further in and make you gag. Closing your eyes you grind on him harder, the gagging only intensifying and your body lighting on fire.

“Pathetic,” he laughs while resting his cheek against his hand. Opening your eyes more you see he looks unamused, even as he shoves his fingers down your throat more. “Moaning like this over what? I’m barely touching you.”

You moan again, pressing your core harder on his thigh and whining. Your fingers dig into the arm of the recliner, steadying yourself while you ride his thigh. It feels too good to stop, the minute amount of pleasure intensified by Daichi’s fingers in your mouth.

“Maybe I was wrong,” his voice making you whine again. “Maybe you’re not a brat, just a dumb little slut desperate to cum.” Removing his fingers from your mouth, you take deep breaths, coughing and leaning your head on his shoulder.

“P-please,” you beg. “Please fuck me, daddy. Wanna feel you in me. I’ll be good, I swear.” You sound desperate, you know it and so does he.

“Do you think you deserve it?” He rubs the spit from his fingers onto your cheek while holding your jaw. He shakes your head back and forth slowly as a no for you. “That’s right. You don’t deserve daddy’s cock.”

“B-but-” you whine and grind against him. “Please!”

“Hmm,” he hums, releasing your jaw and licking his fingers clean before taking another sip from his beer. “Maybe if you earn it. I’m not in the mood to fuck an ungrateful whore.”

“Anything!” You nearly shout, eager to please him.

How you’re feeling is different than usual, the need to do whatever Daichi wants completely takes over your own desires. While the feeling is new, it’s something you want to continue to chase. Your head feeling lighter and body burning is all too good to give up now.

“Do I need to tell you what to do?” You nod. “Of course,” he chuckles, “silly of me to forget you’re nothing but a dumb brat. Get on your knees in front of me. Put that mouth to good use for once, won’t ya?”

“Yes daddy,” you say quietly, sliding onto the floor and tugging at his pants.

His belt is a struggle, and he makes no attempt to help you until you’re sliding his pants and boxers off and he lifts his body up just enough to get them down his thighs. Gripping his cock, your mind races wondering if you’ll even be able to fit his girth in your mouth as your fingers barely manage to wrap around him.

“If I finish this beer before you make me cum, I might not fuck you at all.” He says tapping your forehead with the cold glass bottle. “Do you understand?”

You nod again and he leans back into the recliner. Precum leaks from the tip and you wipe it up with your tongue, enjoying the taste as it floods your senses. As your tongue swirls around the head and your warm mouth takes him in, he moans.

It’s quiet and short-lived, but enough to encourage you to take more of him. He fills your mouth so quickly, but you’re determined to make him cum; unsure if it's because you’re desperate to be fucked or if you just really want to please him. Either way, you’re going to have him cumming in your mouth in minutes, you know you can.

You gag loudly when you force him into your throat, nearly taking him to the hilt. This time his moan is louder and longer, making you buzz with pride. Managing to keep him deep in your mouth you rub his balls with your shaky fingers while setting a steady pace bobbing your head up and down.

“Fuck,” he groans. “I guess that mouth is useful for something…” another moan breaks his last word but you don’t care.

The condescending praise just enough to make you hum against him with glee. He bucks his hips when you do, his fingers tangling in your hair and forcing you to choke on him again. You claw at his thighs, desperate to come up for air while you fight against him. He releases the tight hold and you take him out coughing as you stroke him with your hand.

You watch with a frown while he drinks on his beer again, watching carefully as the faint line of liquid lowers nearing the bottom of the bottle. You can do this, you tell yourself before taking a deep breath and taking him back in your mouth. Humming against him lightly while massaging his balls in your palm earns the same reaction, except you’re better at keeping a steady pace now.

“Shit,” he groans.

His cock twitches against your tongue and warm spurts of cum coat your mouth before you can swallow fast enough. He pulls you off his cock by your hair.

“Tongue,” he says and you stick it out timidly.

He spits on your tongue before pulling you to his face and kissing you, his tongue invading your mouth and making you gag at the taste of his beer. His kiss takes your breath away, literally struggling for air as he continues. You’re coughing and pulling away from him while a mix of spit and cum runs down your chin.

“I didn’t think you could do it,” he admits. “I’m surprised someone as desperate and stupid as you could make me cum that fast. I suppose I should reward you then, hmm?”

“Please daddy, please,” you beg. “Want your cock in me so bad.”

His hand slips under your dress and rubs against your soaking panties. “You really do want me, don't you baby?”

You nod.

His free hand gropes your breast, pinching your nipple through the thin material of your dress. You close your eyes biting your lip as you enjoy the not so soft touches he gives you. You moan when his fingers slip into your panties, sliding against your puffy clit.

“Daddy!” You squeal when his middle finger slides inside of you and curls. “Fuck, more please.”

He laughs, pulling his finger out and standing up. He sheds his clothes while you remain on your knees in front of him. You can’t help but admire how good he looks above you like this. Honestly, you think you’d do anything to remain in this moment even if the anticipation of him splitting you open is forcing you to clench around nothing.

Daichi offers you his hand and he assists you in standing to your feet, but it doesn’t last long. He bends you over the arm of his recliner in seconds, pulling your dress down and allowing your bare breasts to fall from it.

“Tell daddy what you want,” he teases while rubbing his cock between your folds.

“Want your cock!” You turn your head back to look at him. “Please, I need it.”

“Good fucking girl,” he groans while sliding inside of you.

Even with your intense arousal and the spit on his cock, it stings. Your body goes limp against the arm of the recliner as you try and relax your body to let him in. Crying into the cushion, you try to not be too loud while getting used to his size.

“If I’d known you’d be this tight, I would have fucked you sooner,” he says after fully sheathing himself inside of you.

He isn’t nice enough to give you more time, too overwhelmed with the way you squeeze him so nicely to not start thrusting immediately. You cry out when his cockhead hits deep inside of you, pulling against your walls as he pulls back out only to do it all over again.

It hurts. It feels ethereal.

“Daddy!” You whine as his fingers twirl your nipple between them and he holds you back against him while relentlessly pounding into you. “Too much!”

“Be a good girl,” he hisses. “I know you can take it.”

You whimper in response, his thrusts forcing your breasts into his hands while he continues to assault them. Your thighs begin to shake and your core feels like it’s a tightwire about to break.

“Wanna cum!” You tell him, some part of you knows it's better to warn him or ask instead of letting yourself go. “Please, daddy! Let me cum.”

“Aw, my little slut is learning,” he chuckles, thrusting deep into you and letting you fall back onto the recliner. “Go ahead, cum for daddy. Cream all over my cock sweetheart.”

He hits the sweet spot inside of you once more and you come undone, cumming around his cock and crying out a mixture of daddy and curses. He grunts as you clench around him, body pliable for him to hold you closer while rapidly fucking you.

He cums, and you feel it drip out of you around his cock before you comprehend what’s happened. You’re too fucked out to even care if you’re honest. He pulls your panties back to the side as he pulls out of you.

“You’re going to keep it all in, aren’t you?” He pulls his pants back on, leaving his shirt on the floor and sitting on the couch.

You nod, pulling your dress back over your breasts and adjusting the thin straps back to a comfortable position on your shoulders. He pats his lap again, and you sit across him, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your cheek against his shoulder.

A knock at the door startles you and you look at Daichi with a concerned face.

“Oh,” he laughs. “I lost track of time. Can you get that?”

You sheepishly nod. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I need to go grab something from my room. I’m sure you can handle it.” He disappears down the hall.

Running your hands through your hair to make sure you don’t look crazy, you open the door.

“Oh,” a sharp tone greets you.

“Big sis!!” Kaiya screams, jumping up and down and running inside.

Shit.

“Uh,” who you assume to be her mother says shaking her head. “Is Daichi here?” She’s irritated, and reasonably so. “I need to speak with him immediately.”

“Yeah, he’s right-”

“What do you want?” He appears back into the living room, pulling a loose shirt over his head as he comes in.

He easily could have done that before. Is he doing this on purpose?

Oh god, he is.

You look quickly between the two of them as he steps in the doorway with you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“I think we need to speak in private.” His ex tells him, eyeing you up and down.

“Sweetheart, do you care to take Kaiya to her room to play for a few minutes?” He kisses your forehead and you look away from the intense glare you receive from Kaiya’s mother.

“Daichi! Why are you-”

“Stop,” he says loudly. “---- can watch her for a moment.” He lets go of you.

“Can you show me your room Kaiya?” You ask sweetly and she takes your hand and guides you down the hall.

You’re not sure if you’re grateful Daichi got you away from his ex or if you’re happy Kaiya won’t have to see her parents bicker. Either way, it’s a win for you. Your heart is beating against your chest, making you nauseous. There’s no way he just forgot he was getting his daughter tonight.

You’re flattered that he used you to make her angry, but the more spiteful part of you wishes he had let you in on it a little more. Having you answer the door was good, but you could have left your hair a mess or something more…

“Big sis, why are you here? Did you and daddy have a playdate?” She asks, handing you a stuffed rabbit while you sit on the floor of her room with her.

“Uh,” you giggle. “Yeah, we had a playdate.”

#dilf collab!! #daichi sawamura #sawamura daichi x reader #sawamura daichi smut #daichi smut #dilf daichi #daddy daichi #hq smut #haikyu smut #haikyuu smut

[ltleflrt]

Hey Carrie! You talked a little the other day about writers' tendency to start a fic too early in the story, and how you see a lot of first scenes that could have been scrapped to improve the story. My question is if you have some tips to recognize while writing that first scene that you are starting too early in the story?

Hello friend!

That's a really good question, and I'll see if I can give an answer that makes sense. I am not a professional, and I'm not educated or trained in this stuff, it's just something that I recognize from years and years and years of voracious reading. And as with all writing advice, I encourage you to take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt and remember that no writing rule is a hard rule, only a guideline.

Also, my advice is going to be pertaining fanfiction, and specifically to AUs. Obviously a published book has an editor with a razor blade going through a manuscript for you, and the problems that bother me in fanfiction crop up in AUs more than Canonverse.

Oh, and every instance of "you" is general, not specific 😜

So I think the main problem that I see is that people are starting with an Info Dump. An Info Dump is not always a bad thing, sometimes it's completely necessary, but it is NOT where you want to start your story. If it absolutely has to be done, it's better to be somewhere in the middle or near the end. When it's something that your characters need to know.

That's an important bit: Do your characters need to know this?

And related to that: Does your audience need to know this for the story to make sense?

And very important follow up: If the answers to the above questions are yes, does the character/audience need to know this RIGHT NOW?

There's a lot of information about your story that YOU need to know. Heck, my notes files are full of sooooooo much stuff that I know about the characters and plot that never reaches the final product.

So when you're reading your first chapter (I say reading, not writing, because sometimes info dumping for your own benefit is good, and then you fix it before you share the story lol), ask yourself those two questions.

So for example:

In an AU where Dean is a tattoo artist, and it's his POV. The story starts with Dean driving to work, and when he gets there he's going to find out that the empty shop next door has been purchased and is going to be a yoga studio. He meets Castiel out front, up on a ladder trying to hang a hand painted sign, and some teens go running buy and knock into the ladder and Dean has to catch Castiel from falling. (Anyone who wants to adopt this idea is welcome to it btw, I would love to read this lol)

The mistake I often see in a first chapter like this is that as Dean is walking to work, there's a whole Info Dump about why he's a tattoo artist instead of a hunter. He'll be ambling along, thinking about his nice little business, and there's info about how his mom died in a fire, and his dad was a jerk, and Dean didn't go to college because he saved his money for Sammy's college fund, and Dean's only passion was art, and Bobby Singer introduced him to a tattoo shop owner who took Dean under his wing, etc.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: Why is Dean reflecting on his past? Does Castiel need to know this information in order to build a romance with Dean?

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Why does this information matter? If Dean's only reflecting on this because you want to make sure your audience knows where the timeline changed and this became an AU, then you're starting too early in your story. Dean doesn't need to know this, and honestly in a lot of cases the reader doesn't need to know this. This is information that should have been left in your notes file.

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: If this information is pertinent to the plot, like maybe there's some trauma there that Castiel might need to know about to develop their relationship, then you don't want to put it HERE, you want to put it in a conversation with Castiel LATER.

If I was writing this AU, I would just start with Dean sipping his coffee, he's kinda tired because reasons, he looks up to see an unusual commotion, and has to drop his coffee and sprint forward to catch Cas. If he's reflecting on anything in this scene, it's going to be whatever made him tired, or how good/bad the coffee is this morning. Since Cas is a new business owner, they can talk about the origins of Dean's business on their first date, because it'll be a relevant response to Castiel talking about the origins of his yoga studio.

And just in general, if Dean's origin story includes a lot of canon elements, like mom dying in a fire, dad being a deadbeat, Sammy being the adorable overachieving Stanford student.... try to hide that info for as long as you can so that the audience is actually curious about it by the time the info might pop up. It's the wild divergences that are more interesting earlier on.

Okay, and then I want to talk about my giant pet peeve for a starting chapter. It's a specific kind of info dump, that often includes the stuff from above, but then goes a step further.

My nemesis, The Daily Grind.

I haven't asked the authors, so I could be wrong about this, but I feel like most of the time when this type of chapter is included in a story it is because the author wants to show the reader that the character's life is boring and meaningless before the plot's inciting incident. I can absolutely see why that might be considered an important detail about the character, but keep in mind if it's boring and meaningless to the character, it's boring and meaningless to your audience.

You know how I said earlier that writing tips should never be hard and fast rules? Well this is in regards to that Show Don't Tell rule, and it's an example of TOO MUCH showing lol

It is possible to do a daily grind in an interesting way, but only if you include a Shake Up right away. And you have to look at the 3 questions a little bit differently.

So for example:

Castiel POV, and he works in an office. His daily routine is to always get up at the same time every day, he goes for his run, he grooms himself, he has his breakfast, he goes to work and talks to Kelly about how Jack's doing in kindergarten for a few minutes before going into his office. Adler comes in to be a prick, Castiel hates him for it, and then he does his reports, has lunch hiding in a corner of the lunch room so that his co-workers will leave him alone, he does more reporting, leaves an hour after his shift technically ends, goes home to a lonely apartment that maybe includes a pet who is the only being that shows him affection, has an unsatisfying dinner of leftover takeout while watching a mindless reality tv show, then he goes to bed.

Ugh.

BORING.

Which, yeah I get it, the point is that his life is boring. But now the story is too, and I've clicked the back button before I can see how exciting it's capable of getting.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: No. He knows. Poor thing definitely already knows.

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Yes, but...

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: Yes, but new question for ya:

Optional Question 4, why does this need to be separate from your plot's inciting incident? The answer to this 4th question is usually that it doesn't.

Chapter 2 of this type of beginning usually shows the shake up of Castiel's day. My advice is to start with the shakeup, and sprinkle in the details of what you would have put into chapter 1 to show the contrast. It's far more interesting to learn how boring Castiel's day is by starting with the shake up.

So, same scenario:

Castiel's alarm doesn't go off for some reason, OH NO HIS ROUTINE IS SHAKEN UP! You're explaining his routine while also stressing him the fuck out because he has to rush, or skip something that he normally needs to do. Action! Interesting! He gets to work late, and has to miss his conversation with Kelly about Jack because she's telling him that Adler's already in his office being a prick because Castiel isn't there waiting for him like he always is. Oh shit, he's pissing off his asshole boss! Conflict! He's so flustered by the shakeups that he misses something on his report, and he gets a call from that new marketing guy Dean Winchester who asks if they can have a meeting about it when Castiel normally takes his lunch. BAM! MEET CUTE OPPORTUNITY! While Castiel is getting all flustered by how pretty Dean is while they talk about TPS reports, he can reflect on how this is both better and worse than hiding from his co-workers in the corner of the lunch room. The rest of the day after that meeting he's thinking about how weird this day is, he still goes home an hour late, he talks to his pet about his weird day when he gets home, and maybe he still eats leftover takeout, but he's not paying attention to the reality tv show because holy shit he wants to count Dean's freckles.

In this example, you're Telling the audience about Castiel's normal routine instead of Showing them. But since it's during a plot heavy chapter, it works!

Lemme see if I can TL:DR this...

As you're reading, ask yourself who needs to know this information, why do they need to know this information, and why is it important for this information to be included early instead of later?

If the answer to any of those questions boils down to "this is backstory" instead of "this kicks off the plot", then you've started too early.

I hope this helps? I'm always nervous about giving writing advice because so much of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm just feeling around in the dark. And I definitely do not ever want to hurt an author's feelings, because this hobby is so fucking hard, and we're all fragile. Even authors who welcome con-crit with open arms will have a weak point that they're unaware of that might get poked wrong and cause a crack, ya know?

I hope anyone who gets this far who might see their own works reflected in my examples understands that I have a lot of respect for their ability to put their work out into the world, and I want them to keep doing it. We're here to have fun, okay? Okay. I love y'all 💜

#ltleramblings #writer's angst #also i think some of these problems can be solved with a prologue #but that's something i'm literally exploring in my current WIP #so I have no idea if I'm doing it right #and i might be breaking all of my own rules with it lol