#and while they’re all being harsh I think they all genuinely worry about her (except rhys) but don’t know how to approach her or fix it

[theartistknownaslymond]

OH also I’d love to know about Will Scott’s music interests (I say because I think interest probably transcends ‘taste’ into the realm of Will being very !!!! about stuff he likes, bless him).

Reasonable Proof

A playlist for running away from your comfortable, if sectarian, upbringing to join a blacklisted rock star accused of supporting terrorism. It makes a good soundtrack to strip poker, too.

1) Bay City Rollers - Shang-a-Lang 2) Alice Cooper - I Like Girls 3) T. Rex - Children of the Revolution 4) Warren Zevon - Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner 5) The Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap 6) Blondie - Rip Her To Shreds 7) Tom Robinson Band - 2-4-6-8 Motorway 8) The Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go? 9) David Bowie - Rebel Rebel 10) Adam & the Ants - Prince Charming 11) The Undertones - Teenage Kicks 12) Queen - I Want to Break Free 13) Mott the Hoople - All the Young Dudes 14) Elton John - Breaking Down Barriers 15) Quiet Riot - Love's a Bitch 16) Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart 17) Patti Smith - Gloria: In Excelsis Deo 18) Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel - Here Comes the Sun 19) The Clash - I Fought the Law

Please forgive me, there may not be much nuance here because I’m worried my idea of Will lacks nuance these days...but I have tried to be fair. Harsh, but fair.

Will Scott likes glam.

Faceclaims: Dave Mustaine and Ewan McGregor, though both are sorely lacking in visible freckles.

We've talked about Will having very dogmatic ideas on what is cool and what is not. The thing is, like you say, I don't think Will's actual tastes are at all cool, except occasionally, by accident. He's just very good/loud at claiming they are - and no one in his vast family knows anything about popular music so they let him win the arguments. Step-mum Janet would really prefer it if he put one of his nice demo tracks (they're not NICE, ma!! they’re about smashing the system!) on in the car instead of the hair metal though, dear (it just makes your father angry because he's losing his!). Francis, not giving a fig about what other people think is cool or tasteful, finds Will's hang-up on this to be both hilarious and deeply frustrating.

So the vibe of the Will playlist is…obliviously tasteless/just as obliviously excellent meets defiantly bitchy.

Sorry, I don't make the rules, but the oblivious tastelessness comes largely from Will's enthusiasm for glam and the fledgling hair metal movement. Hence Alice Cooper (for I Like Girls, imagine Will is Compensating For Something and r63-verse Willa is just going 'no, but it's a good song that's all!'), T-Rex, Mott the Hoople, and Quiet Riot. Additionally, Adam and the Ants might be considered a bit naff by some of the trendsetters - but 'ridicule is nothing to be scared of'! They're a natural progression from the glam scene, too. Bob Geldof has always been a bit cringe, and Rat Trap is no exception, but it's so earnest!! So insistent! IT'S A RAT TRAP, JUDY! AND WE'VE BEEN….CAUGHT! Very Will.

Oblivious excellence comes from Warren Zevon (Francis is genuinely impressed by this one, Zevon's not brilliantly well known, especially not on this side of the pond. Will never admits it was the werewolf song that got him into it), Blondie, the Tom Robinson Band (Will does get a bit flustered if you ask whether he knows Glad to be Gay though), The Clash, Bowie, Patti Smith, Steve Harley…

One of those weird crossovers that Will doesn't quite get is why, when Teenage Kicks is objectively considered cool by people, he's mocked for liking Feargal Sharkey's solo stuff? He's also not really sure where Queen and Elton John stand. They have been considered cool, but seem to have become uncool now they're 'mainstream', but the songs are still good? Does not compute. He has no shame about listening to the Bay City Rollers either because they're one of the biggest, best known local bands, why wouldn't he think they were amazing??

More to follow when I get round to answering your other ask about Will/a :) and while I keep writing about Will here, I think some tracks probably fit even better for Willa!

Key lyrics/reasoning:

1) Edinburgh’s 1970s teen sensations! Though the decade ended in splits and unpopularity, Will is fiercely loyal to when he first heard of them (probably in the wake of his mum’s death) and won’t hear anyone say it’s childish to like them. Anyone who says so is probably just jealous of how successful they were, right? 2) “Quit my job, quit my school / Quit this place / My mother cried / My father was fried / Hey, I've got no time, man / I wanna say goodbye to my babes / I like girls.” 3) Seems self-explanatory: You won’t fool the children of the revolution! 4) Yeah, he heard the werewolf one first, but Will likes the globe-trotting romance of this song about a Norwegian mercenary killed by the CIA for being too good at helping rebellions out. It’s kind of how he imagines the international touring life to be? Poor thing never gets to experience it, though. 5) “Billy don't like it living here in this town / He says the traps have been sprung long before he was born / He says 'Hope bites the dust behind all the closed doors / And pus and grime ooze from its scab crusted sores' / There's screaming and crying in the high rise blocks / It's a rat trap, Billy, but you're already caught / But you can make it if you want to or you need it bad enough / You're young and good looking and you're acting kind of tough...” Just. Will Scott vibes off the charts here. 6) I can just see Will humming this under his breath every time he looks at Francis like it’s enough to convince him he hates the lead singer really. “She looks like the Sunday comics / She thinks she's Brenda Starr / Her nose job is real atomic / All she needs is an old knife scar / Ew, she's so dull, come on / Rip her to shreds...” 7) It is, on the one hand, a simple rocking tune. On the other hand, the Tom Robinson Band is otherwise best known for the song ‘Glad to be Gay’ (which is on the Thatcher downfall playlist...). “Well, there ain't no route you could choose to lose the two of us / Ain't nobody know when you're acting right or wrong / No one knows if a roadway's leading nowhere / Gonna keep on driving home on the road I'm on...” 8) Don Luis scene, anyone? “This indecision's bugging me (Esta indecisión me molesta) / If you don't want me, set me free (Si no me quieres, librarme) / Exactly whom I'm supposed to be (Dígame que tengo ser) / Don't you know which clothes even fit me? (Sabes que ropa me "quedrá"?) / Come on and let me know (Me tienes que decir) / Should I cool it or should I blow? (Me debo ir o quedarme?).” 9) Truly, there is a Bowie song for everyone. “You've got your mother in a whirl / 'Cause she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl / Hey, babe, your hair's alright / Hey, babe, let's stay out tonight / You like me and I like it all / We like dancing and we look divine / You love bands when they're playing hard / You want more and you want it fast.” 10) I like this idea of this as a bit of a redemption arc soundtrack for Will :’) finding himself again and reminding himself to do the right thing even if it means making a tit of himself/admitting he was wrong. 11) Just - all that sweet, earnest enthusiasm again! “I'm gonna call her on the telephone / Have her over 'cause I'm all alone / I need excitement, oh, I need it bad / And it's the best I've ever had / I wanna hold her, wanna hold her tight / Get teenage kicks right through the night.” 12) More Will obliviousness...he hears it and loves it and relates to it long before he sees the video with the band in drag and is all ‘??? what??? no?’ when he sees that. But not enough to stop loving the song. Don’t worry, Francis has him on stage in a dress by DK, all gangly and gorgeous like Nicky Wire:

13) Another British glam staple, with Bowie connections: “Now Lucy looks sweet cause he dresses like a queen / But he can kick like a mule, it's a real mean team / But we can love / Oh yes, we can love / And my brother's back at home with his Beatles and his Stones / We never got it off on that revolution stuff / What a drag, too many snags / Now I've drunk a lot of wine and I'm feeling fine / Got to race some cat to bed / Oh is that concrete all around / Or is it in my head? / Yeah / I'm a dude, dad.” 14) If you’re down with Elton, Francis is down with you. “I guess you know you were not the first / You may not be the last / But you have shown me a better way / And now I'm learning fast / You gotta go where the feeling flows / I take it while it's hot / You gotta give if you wanna to get / And I want all you've got / I'm breaking down the barriers / Making up my mind / I'm breaking down the barriers of time / I'm taking down the barriers / And loving what I find / I'm breaking down the barriers that lie / Between your love and mine.” 15) Hair metal scene! Will is all for opaque lyrics and imagery. Plus this makes me think of the night in jail he’s going to have to spend as a Threave equivalent. Thank about what you’ve done, boy! “Like a cat with diamond eyes / Love's power it can hypnotize / Done me in more than twice / She'll make you think that it's overnight / You’re all alone in a room that's wrong / Your body shakes, your feet are cold / Love's a bitch, baby.” 16) The lead singer from the Undertones, all grown up into contemplative, heart-string-pulling pop: “My expectations may be high / I blamed it on my youth / Soon enough, I'll learned the painful truth / I'll face it like a fighter / Then boast of how I've grown / Anything is better than being alone / I know, 'cause I learn a little every day / I know, 'cause I listen when the experts say / That a good heart, these days, is hard to find (a good heart) / True love, the lasting kind...” 17) Mainly I just love this version of this song and it’s sheer triumphalism and I think when he’s redeeming himself Will deserves the triumphalism. It’s a little skeevy, but not quite as skeevy as My Sharona, which I really thought was such a Will song, then looked it up and thought it was too gross to go on the playlist. Perils of researching this, alas. But Gloria is a million times better anyway: “Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine / Melting in a pot of thieves, wild card up my sleeve / Thick, heart of stone; my sins, my own / They belong to me / Me / People said beware but I don't care / Their words are just rules and regulations to me / Me / I walk in a room you know I look so proud / I move in this here atmosphere where anything's allowed / Then I go to this here party and I just get bored...” 18) Steve Harley covering George Harrison’s finest moment, and making it sound like an ice cream truck? I’m not sure how Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel link to the glam scene, but apparently they do, and this has such a cheery, cathartic, but odd vibe that I think Will and Francis would enjoy it a lot 19) I mean...*gestures at the lyrics* I think ‘I fought the law but the law won’ is a fairly accurate summary of Will’s attempt at becoming a mercenary.

#character: will scott #ask me and I will play #playlists: period-appropriate #band au: game of kings

[sawnsastark]

I hate to say it but... I kind of agree with feyre’s decision to send nesta away to the mountains

Sorry

Goodbye

#i mean she’s not the type of person who would react well to soothing encouragement #and while we all know that‘she’s an illyrian’ comment by rhys is shotty because she’s not really #i do agree that based on what we know of illiryans I’d say yeah she is #at heart she is #and she’s wasting away thinking that it’s fine and she’s got it under control but she’s not #and while they’re all being harsh I think they all genuinely worry about her (except rhys) but don’t know how to approach her or fix it #i think out of all of them I am the most like nesta and I gotta tell you that is exactly the only thing that would snap me out of it #and i would rage and succeed out of spite #and then leave forever but you know #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #rhysand #mal reads acotar #acotar #acofas #acosf

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions React: Sole Breaks Down

Request: “Could I ask for companions comforting a sole that’s usually an emotional rock, that they hadn’t seen this vulnerable ever? Like they come back from being away and just crumble into a sobbing mess. Pretty please?”

Note: *bangs spoon against pot* come get the hurt/comfort. CW: Mentions of unnamed characters deaths.

The setting:

Upon Preston’s request, Sole took off to a distant settlement to reorganize their resources, set up defenses, and bring them into the trade route. These excursions usually took about a week or two, so Sole could make sure they were fully stable before returning to Sanctuary to attend to their other duties. With this trip, however, they requested their companion stay in Sanctuary; they could handle this on their own, and the companion deserved a break.

Two weeks later, Sole returns, shoulders weighed down by their pack, ladened with goods the settlers had insisted they take with them. It had been a tough week, though that wasn’t really a new thing in Sole’s book, or anyone’s, really. Unfortunately, Sole hadn’t been able to predict the fact that some sort of disease would run through the tiny settlement while they were there, taking several of the members with it as it left.

They scrubbed at their skin in a nearby body of water every morning of those two weeks, rubbed raw and pink as a result of Sole’s quietly hysterical distress. They wanted no trace of settlement on them. There were elements of guilt in their relief to return home, but with returning home came the fact that they were safe enough to reflect on their weeks away from Sanctuary. There seemed to be no hiding from what had happened.

Sole got through the main street of Sanctuary well enough, sending nods to passing settlers, with a brief stop to drop off some of the food they had brought back with them with their local merchant; he would give it away to those that dropped in throughout the day. Once they made it down the road and to the entrance of their home, they felt the dam break. Their hands shook as they pulled the door open and moved inside, doing their best to ignore the tears that began to trickle down their face.

(*Gage’s scenario takes place upon their return to Nuka World’s Fizztop Grille)

Cait:

Cait was waiting just inside, having taken up residence in Sole’s living room with Dogmeat.

She went to make a joke about Sole being late, but when she looked up, she lost the words quite quickly

Sole’s shoulders were shaking, and it was quite obvious that they were trying to hide that they were crying, but it was impossible to not see

She practically tripped over herself to get to Sole, who was acting casual by rearranging the items in their back they had set on the floor

Her desire to comfort and protect Sole overrode her hesitance for physical affection and she found herself hugging Sole far too tightly than she should’ve

But it was partially panic on her end that caused her to grip them so tight

“Christ, what’s a matter?”

The only sound Sole made was a choking whimper and Cait gripped them even tighter

Curie:

She reads the distress in their stance the moment they cross the threshold into their home

Similarly to Cait, she gets up from where she’s sitting immediately, but stops short of Sole

“Oh, goodness. Are you alright?” She reaches out but doesn’t quite touch them, not wanting to intrude

Sole shakes their head, unable to disguise their very obvious distress

“Physical or emotional?”

Sole opens their mouth to say emotional and gets out about half the word before choking on their own breath and curling forward into themself

“Would you like a hug?” Her voice is quieter this time.

Sole nods and she brings them in for a soft hug, rubbing their back

Danse:

Danse is far more emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people’s feelings than people give him credit for

He’s seen it happen before; soldiers compartmentalize their emotions as much as they can, for years even, but everyone has a breaking point

And sometimes it’s over something one might consider small, like breaking a dish, or sometimes it’s loss that brings them to their knees, as it would anyone

Regardless, he’s known all along that one day Sole won’t be able to suppress their emotions anymore

When they come in crying and shaking, looking defeated, he’s unsurprised. Sad in an inevitably knowing sort of way

He gets up and walks over, taking their pack from their hands and helping them shed the heavy jacket that was weighing them down

He requests they sit and takes off their boots before going to get them a glass of water

He doesn’t say much, considering he doesn’t have much to say, but he’d much rather show how he cares via actions rather than words, anyway

Deacon:

He’s somewhat similar to Danse in the fact that he knows Sole’s going to need to break at some point, however it’s in less of a “I’ve seen this before” attitude and more in the fact that he can relate

But Sole has an easier time trusting than he does, so he knows their break is coming at some point, whereas he knows that there’s never going to be a point where he allows someone else to see what Sole is allowing him to witness

So when they stand there, defeated, looking over at him like a lost child, he simply opens his arms

He’s not one for hugs, but he makes exceptions, and it seems this is one of those situations that calls for an exception

When they sob into his shoulder, he pats them on the back and replies with a simple, “I know, Boss. I know.”

Gage:

Gage is chewing at a piece of dried Mirelurk, grimacing at the salty taste.

Sole makes their way across Fizztop Grille, dropping their pack carelessly next to one of the couches.

Similarly, they drop down next to Gage where he’s sitting overlooking the rest of Nuka World, not saying a word.

After a moment, punctuated by a very obvious sigh, Gage looks over at Sole. He chews contemplatively for a moment, “You and me both. Wanna talk about it?”

Sole shakes their head and Gage responds, “Cool.”

He pats them on the back, admittedly, awkwardly and a bit too harsh to be comforting, but it’s Gage

He’s doing his best

Haylen:

Haylen has Dogmeat in her lap chewing at a Radstag bone, her hand running mindlessly over his fur

She doesn’t jump up when Sole comes in, cautious at the idea of spooking them

“Sole,” She calls out, shifting to move her feet flat on the floor

When they don’t respond and instead sniffle, she’s motioning Dogmeat off her lap and stepping towards them

“Everything alright?”

Sole shakes their head and she presses her lips together in worry, “Anything I can help with?” another shake of Sole’s head

She brushes their hair away from their face with a soft, “Oh, Sole.” and brings them into a light side-hug

Hancock:

He really does like to think he keeps his cool easily, but he really doesn’t in this case

Sole’s crying and that’s not something he thought would ever happen

“Whoa, whoa. Talk to me, what’s going on, Sunshine?”

“Bad day.” Sole chokes out

He suppresses nervous laughter, knowing it can’t just be that, but lets it go and instead puts an arm around their shoulders to pull them in for a tight hug, snug and reassuring, with his other arm finding their waist

MacCready:

He’s alert immediately, thoughts jumping to them being hurt, and potentially fatally so

Considering he thinks its an emergency, he’s in front of them and examining them for injuries within seconds

Sole doesn’t protest for the longest time, but eventually they grab ahold of his wrists and shake their head

He stops for a moment and looks them over again before sighing; this is something he doesn’t know what to do about

“Sit. You’re going to collapse if you’re not careful.”

When they’re seated he helps them shrug off their coat and sits nearby, not pressuring, but available if they want to talk

Nick:

Nick’s view is similar to Danse’s, and he isn’t quite surprised when they come in crying

He sets the pen he was writing with down and shifts back in his chair, opening his arms for a hug if they want

When they cross the room he wraps them in a hug and rubs their lower back, trying his best with the awkward angle him sitting provides

“You need to take time for yourself.” He recommends, but other than that, he remains mostly silent

Piper:

The queen of panic, despite her best efforts

She’s used to tears because of her experiences with Nat, but not from Sole of all people

She does something similar to Mac, where she checks them over briefly, before she realizes this isn’t a physical injury that’s hurting them

She’s competing with Cait when it comes to tight hugs, wishing she could protect them from whatever’s bothering them so

A sympathy crier, she has to blink away her own tears

“Let it out, Blue. We can talk about it later, okay? Everything’s gonna be just fine. I swear.”

Preston:

Preston’s not sure how to handle things, considering how used to Sole being a rock he is

He knows it’s not quite right, considering he knows other people view him the same way, and it’s incredibly difficult being the one holding it together all the time, but he’s still genuinely surprised when he sees they’re crying

He knows what to do when he realizes what’s going on, though; exactly what he wishes he could request from someone else

He brings them into a hug and mumbles reassurances; that they don’t have to be the tough one all the time, that their emotions aren’t weakness, and that everything’s going to be okay

X6-88:

A fan of mutual silence, X6 helps them get comfortable and brings them into their room; he’s always viewed quarters as the safest place to be, both in the Institute and when Sole gave him his own quarters afterwards

He helps them into bed, making sure they’re comfortable, before asking if they have any small injuries they need addressed before settling in

If they say yes he cleans and dresses their wounds as gently as possible before settling into bed near them, a respectable distance away, but within reach if they need, and begins reading a book Sole left on their nightstand

He knows it’s hard to be alone when you’re being attacked by emotions, but they don’t seem to want to talk about what’s going through their head quite yet; instead, he rubs their back and encourages them to cry it out

#Fallout 4 #Fo4 #Companions react #headcanons #hcs #hurt comfort #fanfiction #mild angst #Cait #Curie #Deacon #Paladin Danse #Gage #Mayor Hancock #Nick Valentine #RJ MacCready #Preston Garvey #X6-88 #Scribe Haylen

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Thirteen

⚠WARNING: Emotional hurt, mention of previous character's death

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Your nose is running and your breath hitches as you weave through other strangers on the sidewalk. A few glance at you, a college-student nearly sobbing on her walk. But to your relief no one stops to talk to you.

It’s almost what you want. You’re desperate to get back to your apartment, lock the door and burrow into your sheets to fully process the events from tonight alone.

Oikawa selfishly spilling your secret, the deepest secret you hold, in a fit of childish rage. And yes, your argument with him didn’t help but you didn’t think he’d stoop that low.

Your phone has been ringing nonstop since you’ve left but you haven’t bothered to pull it out to check the messages or voicemails. You know it’s Oikawa who’s bombarding you with calls and voicemails. And it’s Makki and Mattsun who are sending the texts.

But you don’t want to talk to them.

You acquiesce as you wait for a stoplight to change so you can continue your sad, pathetic walk home. You glance over your shoulder, paranoid that your friends are coming after you to talk. In between the glances you grab your phone and open it up.

You ignore the incoming call from Oikawa and unlock your phone. You see notifications coming into your message app and tap it open. You briefly watch the ever growing number coming from Oikawa’s chat with you before you open the texts from Makki and Mattsun.

You slip your phone back in your pocket without replying. You just want to be alone.

Well, not really. The only person you can imagine talking to about this right now is dead. And that fact kills you.

You can’t tell him how embarrassed you are that Makki and Mattsun know your pathetic secret. You figured that they suspected something was happening between you two in high school because you had such a different relationship with Hajime compared to the others. You’d harbored the idea of finally confessing and actually being with Hajime but you’d shelved it until you were ready.

But then he died. He was taken from you way too soon, and now you’re left with your confusing mess of emotions and thoughts and what if’s.

Having to live with these feelings is unbearable. Having your friends know that you live with these feelings, and the circumstances surrounding them, is even worse.

Fresh tears fill your eyes and you wipe them away.

You round the corner and see your apartment building in sight. You reach into your pocket to get your keys so you’re ready to get inside and lock behind your door.

Except you don’t find your keys in your pocket. Not the right one, not the left. Not in your bag, not in your pockets even after checking - you don’t have your keys.

You let out a whine. Fuck, you do not need this right now.

You think for a second, retracing your steps and trying to remember where you went today. You can cancel a few spots but there are others that could be where your keys are.

You pull out your phone to send a message, starting easy.

The short feeling of victory you felt at finding your keys is erased when you realize you have to walk to Osamu’s apartment. It isn’t far…but you’ve had a long day.

A long day, long week, long couple of months. A long time stuck in this hell of constantly bickering with Oikawa, studying and working your ass off in your classes, navigating life without your best friend.

Is this your life now? Is waking up every day, crying, dragging yourself out of bed to be a civilized member of society, coming back home to cry and then sleep - is that your destiny?

The harrowing thought settles around your shoulders and you feel yourself sink further into the black tar pit you’ve been trapped in for months.

Osamu’s apartment looms above you, and the idea of putting on a friendly mask, even for someone who you want to be friendly with, exhausts you. Hopefully you can get your keys and leave.

You need to be alone, you are alone. Your friends are worrying about you, concerned for you. You are a burden. For all you know your friendship with Oikawa is shattered. You don’t deserve his friendship.

The dark thoughts pick up speed, spinning around and around and around. You feel yourself getting lost in them.

Hajime would know how to help. He would always bring you into the light. He is your light.

Standing in front of Osamu’s door (how did I get here?) you use an embarrassing amount of energy to lift your hand and knock. It doesn’t take long for Osamu to open the door. His calm look is quickly replaced with genuine concern.

Fuck, now he’s worried about you.

“Sorry, I’ll just get my keys.” Your voice warbles, much to your humiliation and shame.

Osamu holds open the door wordlessly and you walk back into the apartment. You spot your keys on the counter. You walk in front of them and stop.

They’re your keys - the black heart keychain is heavy and “able to do serious damage,” as Hajime once said. He got it for you, back in the summer after high school.

He was always creative with the gifts he gave you. Even with something as small as a keychain you knew he put in time and effort and love into them.

If there was one person who you could depend on, it was Hajime.

Tears well in your eyes. You don’t ever seem to be in short supply of them.

Is this my life? You wonder. Am I ever going to feel normal again? Am I ever going to be okay?

You tell yourself to lift your arm, grab your keys, and leave. Leave Osamu alone, don’t burden him with your mess of feelings and your thoughts.

“Y/N?” Through the screaming swirl of thoughts in your head you hear Osamu call your name, and through the watery film in your eyes you see Osamu looking at you.

Leave, you have to leave now.

“I should-” you croak out. You can’t finish your sentence, you don’t know how to finish your sentence. Your brain is malfunctioning, error codes flashing like a broken computer.

Processing error, malfunctioning error, human error.

Error, error, broken, broken.

Only Hajime could fix you.

And he’s dead.

You stare at Osamu, and burst into tears.

Like a damn bursting, the sobs fall from your mouth, unrelenting. You curl into yourself, trying to ebb the flow. It’s pointless, as you are broken. You cannot be fixed.

It hurts, it hurts so much.

Harsh cries rattle your body, rip through your throat and spill out into the serenity of Osamu’s apartment.

Hajime, I miss you.

The ache in your heart flares white hot. It burns and hurts and just adds to your growing pile of misery.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re embarrassed that you’re having this intense emotional release in Osamu’s apartment - it's not the first time you’ve cried like this but it is the first time doing it in front of a friend. But you can’t gather yourself to apologize or try to escape. You’re stuck, standing in the apartment crying.

A hand comes to rest on your back. Your turn, finding Osamu standing next to you. He rubs his hand on your back in a soothing, comforting motion. His eyes are full of concern but also something akin to reassurance.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs gently. His hand is rubbing up and down, and you feel subdued by the unseen motion. You feel your aching pain diminish with every stroke down your back, but the tears are relentless.

There must be something wrong with you that you can’t even be comforted properly. If the tears won’t stop when someone says “it’s okay” what does that say about you?

Broken, broken.

You turn into Osamu, seeking comfort that is wasted on you. Your head finds relief on his shoulder. You feel him guiding you to the couch and gently sitting you down. Your hands stay clutched in his shirt and you sob into his shoulder. Once sitting you feel the hand on your back drift to your shoulders, while his hand gently guides your head to the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright,” he says softly. “‘M here, it’s okay.”

His gentleness just makes you cry harder and you can’t help but lean further into him. He lets you sit against him, crying through the piercing pain stabbing at your heart, howling against the constant misery in your soul. He lets you come undone and offers you words of comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

“‘M here,” Osamu murmurs into your ear. “It’s okay.”

It’s such a loaded phrase - it’s okay. Everyone and their grandmother tried telling you that when Hajime died. It’s okay. You wanted to ask ‘what’s okay? NOTHING about this is okay.’

Your face scrunches up as you cry, knowing you are so far from okay that it would take a miracle to get back.

“It’s okay Y/N, it’s alright.”

It’s funny, hearing this reassurance from Osamu. Because he knows, more than the average person, how not okay everything is. For him and for you. And yet, it seems to be his go-to phrase right now.

“It’s okay.”

He’s not telling you “it’s okay so you should feel better.” His reminder allows you to grieve, to feel how not okay everything is. And feeling that pain is okay.

So you cry and cry, leaning on Osamu as you fall apart.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: Congratulations, you've made it through one of the heaviest chapters in the entire story. :( Y/N is going through extraordinary times right now, the cumulation of the past weeks' events finally catching up. I hope if anyone reading this is going through any similar situations you can find someone like Osamu to help you through them. 💖

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

#haikyuu! #haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hq smau #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq x you #haikyuu angst #hq angst #haikyuu romance #hq romance #miya osamu #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu x y/n #miya osamu x you #iwaizumi hajime #miya atsumu #oikawa tooru #hanamki takahiro #matsukawa issei #tw.mention of past character death #kita shinsuke #suna rintarou #ojiro aran #its [not] okay fic & smau

[hrtiu]

Why The Believer is my favorite episode of The Mandalorian

There are a lot of unforgettable moments in The Mandalorian. Maybe your favorite episode is the season 2 finale, with those iconic Chanel boots. Maybe your favorite episode is The Jedi, with Ahsoka and her Thrawn teaser. Maybe your favorite episode is the finale of season 1, with IG-11′s sacrifice. All valid choices! But my favorite episode is S2E15: The Believer, and I’ll tell you why.

From the very first episode, Din’s relationship with being Mandalorian and the Code is framed as religious. He kneels in front of the forge while the Armorer makes his pauldron, he speaks formally to her, and lays the beskar and the payment for his last bounty out like an offering. 

It’s also not difficult to see parallels between covering your face and some real-life religious tenets (though these are imperfect parallels and be careful how you use them). As someone who follows a specific dress code due to my faith, I definitely immediately related to Din as a religious person.

Din’s devotion to his faith is, for the most part, positively framed in the show. The Creed’s emphasis on protecting and raising foundlings is a large part of why Din decides to rescue Grogu from the Imperials. In the prisonbreak episode, Xi’an suggests that it might be his Code that has made Din soft. In S1E4, Omera is tremendously respectful of Din’s faith even when it means he has to turn down her affection.

 His devotion to the Creed is what sets him apart from other bounty hunters. Sure, he’s a brutal, harsh man more than capable of violence, but he also has a strict code of conduct by which he lives his life.

Then we reach Chapter 6,  an episode that felt painfully familiar to myself and many other people of faith, I’m sure. The way Mayfeld asks Xi’an if Din ever takes his helmet off, as if Din isn’t right there in front of him. The way Xi’an mockingly parrots, “This is the Way.”

My situation obviously isn’t exactly the same as Din’s, but these scenes remind me of the prying questions, the teasing pressure to break my religious commitments, the mocking of beliefs I hold sacred. It really hit home.

Then things get complicated in season 2 when we find out that other Mandalorians consider Din and the Death Watch a cult.

I appreciated this in the sense that it demonstrates the wide variety of beliefs even within the same religion--but at the same time it had me worried. Was this going to be yet another “losing my religion” story? Was this going to be a tale of disillusionment and breaking free of Din’s restrictive past? I’ve seen a lot of stories like that before, and I was hoping to see something different.

Even before Din meets Bo-Katan, we see him gradually softening his adherence to the Code. He starts off meeting Cobb Vanth by challenging him to essentially a battle to the death for wearing Mandalorian armor, then cooperates for the rest of the episode with him to defeat the Crate Dragon. They part ways as friends.

In S2E6, Din is upset when Boba first demands the Mandalorian armor, but he’s not very difficult to convince to accept Boba as the owner of the armor after they fight together.

As a viewer who loves baby Yoda, we’re happy to see him make exceptions to keep Grogu safe. But as a person of faith, I was a little worried about where this might be headed and how it might undermine what I saw as a very positive message in season one. Then we get to Season 2, Episode 7: The Believer.

Right off the bat, Din sees himself forced to stretch the limits of his adherence to the Code in this episode. He goes with Mayfeld into the Imperial facility, covering his face with the helmet of an Imperial driver. Mayfeld immediately picks up on the inconsistency.

He picks right back up with the mockery and not-so-subtle digs.

Then we get a bit of a peak into where Mayfeld’s derision is really coming from. Yes, Mayfeld is speaking aloud the insecurities that Din is facing himself--the doubts about whether it actually means anything to live by his Code, the question of if his chosen way of life actually makes any difference. But Mayfeld is also revealing the source of his own derision as well.

See how the focus switches to Mayfeld? How his voice gets soft and he’s looking off into the distance? This is a man who is talking to himself. This is a man who’s trying to convince himself that every bad thing he’s done in his past is fine because everyone is equally guilty.

When faced with the terminal that requires a facial scan, Mayfeld actually tries to protect Din in his own small way by not even asking him to scan his face.

Mayfeld then hesitates to help Din when Din’s having a hard time with the terminal. He peeks in on Din, and you get the sense that he’s actually hesitant to disrespect Din’s code by looking at his face. Of course, when Din is confronted by the Imperial officer, Mayfeld steps in to help.

Then they talk with the Imperial officer who actually believes what Mayfeld acted like he believed before. That they’re all the same. That all moral codes--or lack thereof--are equally flawed and that therefore nothing matters. This is when we see the guilt that Mayfeld has been trying to hide all this time--the guilt that Din and his strict Code constantly remind him of.

This is the moment that has been haunting Mayfeld--one of perhaps many atrocities that weigh heavy on his soul. And as a viewer you can see how differently this event sit on his heart versus how it sits on the officer’s heart.

This is very reminiscent of what Mayfeld said earlier in the episode, but we can see that this officer genuinely believes it, while Mayfeld does not.

And this is where Mayfeld reaches his breaking point, where he can’t keep pretending that he doesn’t care or that everyone is equally bad.

And this is when Mayfeld turns from critic into ally and protector. He respects Din’s integrity, he understands that being imperfect doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. And this is what I was so happy to see. I was afraid that as soon as Din took his helmet off, the story would suggest that he’d finally seen the light and broken free of his restrictive Code. And yes, Din is likely going to be more liberal with his adherence to the Code in the future. We see this when he takes his helmet off in the next episode to say goodbye to Grogu. But he isn’t throwing it away.

So what’s the message of The Believer? To me it’s that faith is messy. Faith often involves evolution. In fact, faith generally requires evolution. But just because you mess up, just because you’re a hypocrite, just because you can’t always live up to your ideals, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have them.

And we can separate this from faith, too, if you want. Think about what’s right and wrong, examine the way you live your life, develop a moral code. It won’t necessarily be perfect, and you won’t always live by it, but at least you’ll have something. It’s always better to try than to give up.

And in Mayfeld’s immortal words:

#the mandalorian #din djarin #mayfeld #migs mayfeld #star wars #star wars meta #the mandalorian meta #meta #religion #faith #i spent way too long on this

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

what do you think of aang's comments in "the southern raiders" and what they meant to katara? I watched that episode recently with my sister who dislikes atla, and assessed similar things to what certain people of the fandom are saying: "aang didn't understand her", "aang was pushing his beliefs onto her", "it didn't seem like he knew her", etc. she was more fair than those people of course because she did say it was realistic that he'd be so worried since she recognizes that he does love her.

Honestly those arguments are all,, tired. They’re outdated. They’re boring. They’re wrong. They’re a result of a fundamental misunderstanding of A:TLA canon. This isn’t to say that those who genuinely, truly believe these arguments are terrible people (obviously not lmao), but somewhere along the line they had a seed planted in their mind that posits them to have inherent dislike for Aang. And honestly? I just feel sorry for them, because not understanding and appreciating Aang means their A:TLA experience really can’t be that great. But I digress!

“aang didn’t understand her”

Oh, what’s the post? Right - “Fandom once again forgets that Aang is the sole survivor of genocide.” Aang understands better than anyone else what Katara is going through*. There is a direct parallel between Aang finding Gyatso’s skeleton and Katara finding Kya’s body. I’m not going to sit here and argue which was more traumatizing (literally can’t stand when people do that) because you can’t quantify grief like that, but it cannot be denied that Aang has experienced something incredibly similar to what Katara has gone through: the loss of a close parental figure followed by finding said parent’s corpse. Not only that, but Aang and Katara both share a unique sense of helplessness intertwined with their grief regarding their parental figures’ deaths. For Katara, there are the questions of:

- what if I wasn’t a waterbender

- what if I had run a little faster

- what if I had fought against Yon Rha back then

All leading to “Could I have saved her?” For Aang, there are the questions of:

- what if I wasn’t the Avatar

- what if I hadn’t run away

- what if I had stayed to fight the Fire Nation back then

All leading to “Could I have saved him?” Both of them feel incredibly guilty on a personal level about the death of their parental figures, thus blaming themselves. Katara tries to push it off onto Zuko/the Fire Nation and Aang tries to suppress it entirely, but ultimately it is revealed how closely they hold responsibility to their chests. For Aang, it comes out in “The Storm.” For Katara, it comes out in “The Southern Raiders.” So, bullshit that Aang doesn’t understand Katara! He understands her grief better than anyone.

Also, many, many people have gone into this before, but Aang’s example of Appa being stolen was not callous/rude/etc. Appa was the last living piece of his culture. Appa is not “just a pet.” People who insist so are the actual ones being callous, not Aang. And, as Aang himself says, “How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?” Aang has experienced more hurt at the hands of the Fire Nation than anyone. There’s a great meta here that delves into Aang’s experiences as the sole survivor of genocide. I don’t understand how someone could acknowledge all that Aang has lost (read: he has lost everything) and then argue that he doesn’t understand Katara’s pain. Like, what? Do you have no sense of empathy?

But most importantly, from Katara herself: “Thanks for understanding, Aang.” She says this after her initial dismissal of him. So take it from the source, my friend - Katara believed Aang understood her. Who are we to argue?

*The only exception perhaps being Sokka, since Kya was indeed his mother, too, but it is worth noting that Sokka did not have the same experience of seeing Kya’s dead body or feeling the intense self-blame that Katara did.

“aang was pushing his beliefs onto her”

It is SO funny how those SAME people have NO problem with everyone in the Gaang telling Aang to kill Ozai the finale! Y’know, when they were disregarding the pacifistic beliefs of his people in exchange for emphasizing their, ahem, more aggressive ones? SO funny! I’m laughing SO hard right now!

Heavy sarcasm, in case it wasn’t obvious. They’re hypocrites and they know it.

But, more importantly, Aang was not pushing his beliefs onto her? At all?? Tell me where in the episode Aang:

- refused to let Katara go after Yon Rha

- told Katara what she was doing was wrong

- told Katara that HE was right and that SHE needed to listen to HIM

Here’s the thing: none of that ever happened! Not only does Aang accept that Katara needs to go (see: “I wasn’t planning to [stop you]. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man.”), but he allows her to take Appa on her journey. Appa, the last living piece of his culture. Aang has incredible trust in Katara, and his choice to send Appa with her (essentially sending a piece of himself with her) demonstrates this fact clearly. That should end the discussion point blank, but I guess I’ll break down the lines people seem to have issues with:

1) “It’s okay, because I forgive you. [Pauses.] That give you any ideas?”

Honestly, the criticism this line gets is laughable to me. People use it to argue that Aang was being disrespectful to Katara’s feelings and?? I hate to break it to them, but you HAVE to look at the context a line is in if you’re going to judge it. That is Analysis 101: Context is Everything. This moment is used to break tension. That type of scenario is an entire literary trope, okay? A:TLA did not invent it! Shakespeare literally did it in Romeo and Juliet when he had Peter argue with musicians about something stupid after Juliet’s “death.” The whole point is to break tension before more serious scenes. In R&J, it is before the lovers kill themselves, and in A:TLA, it is before Katara leaves with Zuko to confront Yon Rha. That’s why there’s another moment just like it at the end of that scene! Y’know, Sokka asking to borrow Momo for no reason? It breaks tension! It’s a moment of respite before weighty scenes! It’s incredibly common in every form of media! This is what no Humanities classes did to some of y’all, I swear to God. So yeah, Aang was not disrespecting Katara’s feelings with this. It’s just a tension-breaker. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news for those who devoutly believed it was a sign of Aang being a Horrible Person. You were wrong, ain’t no big thing, go drink some water and stay hydrated okay darlings?

2) “I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

Um, a major point of “The Southern Raiders” is that Aang was right about Katara’s initial drive to face Yon Rha? It was a quest for revenge? Katara literally bloodbends, an ability she was forced to learn and essentially feels cursed to bear? Also, nowhere here does Aang tell Katara she was a horrible person for feeling angry and wanting revenge. He simply brings her attention to the reality that what she’s currently seeking is revenge. He’s worried about her. She’s his best friend! He loves her! He doesn’t want her to kill Yon Rha because he knows that for Katara to have blood on her hands from a revenge quest would hurt her tremendously. (As a matter of fact, the audience knows - or should know - this, too.) So, sorry that Aang expresses concern for her? Apparently not wanting your best friend to murder someone is forcing your beliefs onto them? Damn. Y’all are harsh these days.

3) “The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.” // “Katara, you do have a choice: forgiveness.” // “No, it’s not. It's easy to do nothing, but it’s hard to forgive.” // “But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”

I put all the forgiveness quotes together since people tend to complain about them as a whole. But like,, I really don’t see how this is Aang forcing his beliefs onto her? He asks her to choose forgiveness. And just speaking plainly: on an emotional level, it is better for someone to forgive than to murder. Killing someone is not easy, even if you hate that person with every bone in your body, and it will mentally scar whomever does it. Y’all know this! It’s obvious! I shouldn’t have to say it! But Aang knows this, too, and thus he doesn’t want to see Katara kill Yon Rha and perhaps kill a part of herself in the process. Katara is not a killer. I’m not arguing about whether she could have or even if she wanted to, because you know what, she admits she was tempted, but Katara is not a killer. An FMA quote is very fitting here:

“Your hands weren’t meant to kill. They were meant to give life.”

Why should Katara have to live with a man’s murder on her conscience, especially when his death would be a result of fruitless revenge? The answer is simple: she shouldn’t, and Aang doesn’t want her to. Katara is a warrior. A healer. A leader. A friend. But not a killer.

Anyways. Back to my point: Aang is not forcing his beliefs onto her here. He’s offering her another option, the option she ends up choosing, albeit she extends forgiveness to Zuko instead. And Prince Holier-Than-Thou (jk love you Zuzu) acknowledges it himself: “You [Aang] were right about what Katara needed.” Aang didn’t force anything on Katara here. He reminded her of her choices, he reminded her about the consequences of revenge, and he reminded her about the value of forgiveness. Never once did he tell her she had to forgive Yon Rha or else. And when it came down to it, he stepped aside, and he let her go, because he knew this was a journey she needed to take. So… He actually did the exact opposite of forcing his beliefs onto her! He respected her feelings and let her make her own decision! Seriously, how many pairs of anti-Aang goggles do people have to wear to genuinely believe otherwise??

“it didn't seem like he knew her”

Ohhhhhh my God this is SO close to one of the actual points of the episode! So close!! It’s not that Aang didn’t know her; it’s that Katara wasn’t acting like herself. I’ve talked about it before here and here, but Katara was incredibly consumed by her emotions in “The Southern Raiders.” It’s why she ignores Zuko the entire time before they leave on Appa! It’s why she makes that callous comment to Sokka about their mother that we know she never would have made normally! She is drowning in grief about her mother’s absence, guilt regarding her mother’s death, and anger about Zuko (she still does not trust him, and yet he can lead her to her mother’s killer; I don’t know about y’all, but that is really freaking difficult to reconcile). So when Aang compares her to Jet, it’s not a far-off description. She is acting like Jet, because she’s consumed by grief and hurt and anger and she’s not acting like herself. It is instrumental, too, that Katara isn’t acting like herself, because it makes her decision not to pursue revenge and instead offer a second third chance to Zuko even more profound. “I’m proud of you,” Aang tells her, and damn! The audience is, too! I was incredibly proud of her for finding her way out of what can be a bottomless spiral for some people. So again, it wasn’t that Aang didn’t know her. It was that Katara wasn’t acting like herself (I guess meaning… no one knew her?).

In conclusion, literally all of these anti-Aang arguments regarding TSR are exhausting and so easily disprovable. The fact that they somehow manage to live on is evidence that people just want excuses to hate Aang, plain and simple. Like, it’s so easy to just say you don’t vibe with his character? You don’t have to pull BS excuses to “justify” it? I don’t vibe with Ty Lee as much as I do other characters (although I have recently grown much more fond of her; bless the Renaissance for more Mailee content, even if some of it is just a Zukka byproduct), but y’all don’t see me twisting her sacrifice in “Boiling Rock” to make it seem like it was selfish or something (mostly because, spoiler alert, it wasn’t). Like, you can say Aang isn’t your favorite and move on instead of using the same boring rhetoric over and over and over that just makes it look like you lack critical thinking. :/

TL;DR - Aang’s comments to Katara in “The Southern Raiders” came from a place of concern. A place of wisdom. A place of love. And honestly? I think Katara realizes this, and she’s grateful to him all the more for it.

#if y'all even mention zuko on this post i will stomp you to death with my hooves. this is not about who understood katara better!! #this is solely addressing bs anti aang arguments #aang #katara #atla #avatar the last airbender #adding line break after i post btw!! #atla meta #atla analysis #the southern raiders #yon rha #amy answers #amy analyzes #queenaleesbiggestfan-writes

[elena-reina]

Status - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Request: Hey , could you maybe write an imagine in which post-war Draco brings the reader home to meet his parents but she is extremely nervous as she is a muggle and not a pure-blood and Draco comforts her .Lucius particularly stands against it but at the end of their dinner he sees how much more alive and happy Draco feels next to her ? Fluff would be great as a type if you want, thank you - Anon

Warnings: none

You turned right, into a wide driveway that led off the lane. The high hedge curved with you, running off into the distance beyond the pair of impressive wrought-iron gates barring the way. A shrill yelled aloud making you internally flinch only to find the source of the noise proved to be nothing more than a pure-white peacock, sturring majestically along the top of the hedge. You fiddled with your hands nervously.

Draco placed his hand on top of yours. “It’s going to be alright, love. They’re going to love you.”

Draco was nervous as well, not of himself but for you. He knew his parents were going to love you, well he knew for sure his mother would. His father, not so much.

Lights glinted in the diamond-paned downstairs windows outside. Somewhere in the dark garden beyond the hedge, a fountain was playing.

“Welcome to my home,” Draco says opening the front door for you. He extends his arm for you to grab onto as you both walk inside together. Your eyes scanned around the Malfoy Manor in astonishment. 

You knew Draco was wealthy but you didn’t really think he was that wealthy.  The hallway was large, dimly lit, and sumptuously decorated, with a magnificient carpet covering most of the stone floor. The walls of the entrance hall display pale-faced portraits lining the walls, one of them you came to recognize as your beloved Draco. You stood in front of it, gazing at the hard stare his portait had. Each stroke was down to every single detail on his face including the small freckle he has on the corner of his eye.

“This was painted a while ago,” he spoke up, feintly smiling. Turning your head, you looked at the end of the hall noticing a bronze-handled door.

“Where does that door lead to?” you asked motioning towards the end of the hall. You felt him tense up behind you. It was the drawing room. It was where the Death Eaters and Voldemort sat during their meetings. 

“It’s just a cabinet,” he lied, “C’mon, let me bring you to my room.”

You ducked your head and followed shortly behind him going up a tower of stairs. Looking around, the dark lightning complimented the cold marble running around the manor. He pulled you down the hallway and into a room. Silently closing the door, Draco faced to turn you gazing around.

The room contained a large bed, neatly made, looking at though no one has slept in it in days. Along the wall was a tall, long window that opened to a small pation. Half of it was covered from long black curtains, looking as though they were made from soft velvet giving the room a dark ambiance. There were no pictures on the wall except for one small photo frame next to the bed. Walking closer to the bed, you lightly trailed the frame of the picture. It was a picture of the two of you, but it was moving like a video.

Draco softly placed his hands on your hips, pressing his chest to your back.

“It’s moving,” you smiled, turning around to face him. He kept his hands on you and pressed a light kiss to your lips.

“It’s magic,” he hummed, lightly swaying from side to side.

Being a muggle, all this magic was new to you. You had a hard time accepting it was real until one day Draco used his wand in front of you to literally do anything you said. Light a candle, fold a blanket, even lift you in the air.

“I’m still getting used to all of this,” you said shyly, “Does your family.. know that I’m... I’m not a witch?”

He scratched the back of his neck and shook his head. “No-”

“No?!”

“No.”

“Draco!”

He ushered you to sit down on his bed and sat next to you. A million thoughts were running through your mind. Although you don’t know much about the magic world, you knew there were pure-bloods, half-bloods, muggles, and you forget what else. With that knowledge, you know that most pure-bloods hate muggles, especially coming from Draco’s family. He told you some things about his family history a while back, not all of it though, and from what you remember his father was pretty harsh on him.

“Love,” he placed a finger under your chin and turned you to face him taking you out of your thought. “Don’t worry, we are in this together. If I love you, they are going to love you one way or another.”

A knock on the door startled you making you jump. Draco stood up and you followed quickly behind him. Opening the door you impulsively shrieked and covered your mouth immediately, gazing at the small creature on the other side of the door. You’ve never seen an elf before and it startled you to say nonetheless.

It looked at you curiously but returned its gaze back to Draco. 

“Good Evening Mr. Malfoy, your parents are in the dining room.”

“That’s our house elf, I should’ve told you about them,” Draco chuckled, turning back to you. “Are you ready?”

You sighed through your nose, nodding. Holding out his arm, you grabbed it following the house elf to the dining room. The closer you got to the room, the more numb you felt. Your heart was racing and you tried your best to calm yourself. Walking into the dining room Draco’s parents sat at opposite ends of the table. His mother stood up with a warm smile on her face while his father grumbly stood up with a firm look on his face. You could feel his eyes burning holes through you. 

“Draco, my darling,” His mother gracefully spoke, “A pleasure to see you and who might this be?” 

Her smile was genuine as she looked at you with curious eyes. His father on the other hand, has not spoken.

“Mother. Father,” he greeted, “This is my girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N.”

You gave a shy wave. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y/N,” she drawled, “A lovely name of course, it’s a delight to have you join us. Come sit, sit!”

His mother was very nice, you could see a lot of similarities between Draco and her. They shared the same smile and when Draco decided to show it, his soft side as well. 

Draco pulled out a chair for you beside him. You sat down, giving a quiet thank you, as he helped himself to his seat. You were sat closer to his mother than you were his father; maybe for the best.

“So, how did the two of you meet?” Narcissa spoke.

The the doors opened and house elfs came in with the food, making you turn your head to the sudden noise. Returning back to the conversation, your leg began to bounce from nervousness. Draco placed his hand on your thigh, giving a reassuring squeeze. 

“Well, it’s a funny story really. I was a waitress and Draco was one of my customers and I don’t know how it happened, must’ve been a bad day for me, but I spilled hot tea all over him in an attempt to fill his empty cup,” you began to laugh as Narcissa joined in the laughter, “And then I felt horrible and wanted to make it up, but your son decided to make a move and instead asked me to let him take me out in response to my actions. I normally would say no to these kind of gestures, but something in my heart was telling me to go for it, and so I did. I don’t regret any bit of the tea spilt that day. And so now we have this inside joke of every time I ask him if he would like a drink, he would say-”

“Only if you don’t spill it on me,” Draco joined smiling.

Narcissa laughed clapping her hands softly. “Clever boy he is, got it from his mother,” she joked.

You smiled eating some of the food, Lucius spoke up somberly. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” he spoke slowly, almost analyzing every single move you did, “I haven’t heard of your last name before. Who are your parents?”

You gulped, refreshing your throat with some water. You couldn’t help but feel extrememly nervous talking to his father. He was intimidating.

You told him their names and he looked at you skeptically. Draco knew where this was going. 

“What house were you in?”

You looked at Draco and then back at Lucius. “I’m sorry, a house?”

“Yes, at Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts? I’m sorry I don’t- I don’t understand where or what that is,” you said shyly, you voice growing more quiet with each word.

Draco inhaled sharply grabbing onto your free hand. His heart was beating fast inside of his chest. “Father, she’s a muggle,” Draco said finally once and for all.

Lucius dropped his silverware on his plate creating a loud disturbance. He was in shock to say the least.

The rest of the atmosphere turned pure silence. The sound of crackling wood was absolutely like music to your ears, filling you up with some kind warmness and peace to try and ease your nerves.

“A muggle!? Have you no shame bringing that here to the Malfoy Manor!” he shouted.

“Lucius!” Narcissa scolded by his words, “Y/N, honey, I apologize on behalf of my husbands actions.”

You sank lower in your seat, playing with a piece of food on your plate. Draco felt anger flare up inside him, hot and heavy inside of his chest. 

Lucius continued, “You marrying someone of her blood status will bring great shame on your family! Our name will be laughed at and dragged through the mud for future generations to come because of her! Is that what you want? Your children will be half-bloods at best, the laughing stock!"

“How dare you speak of her that way!” Draco shouted, startling you from his tone, “If it’s shame you want to talk about then lets talk about the very war that went on at Hogwarts shall we!? The shame you brought onto the Malfoy name bringing me into your own bearings! Our children will be completely fine knowing that I will never treat them the way you have treated me my whole life!”

Lucius gaped at him

“Draco.. stop. It’s okay,” you whispered, tugging on the sleeve of his suit. 

He turned his head to face you. “No, it’s not okay.” 

He turned back to face his father. “Yes, she’s a muggle, not a single drop of magical blood runs through her. So what! She brings the best out of me and I’m lucky enough to be able to call her my girlfriend. I wouldn’t want her to be any other way and if you cannot accept that for me, then I can take myself elsewhere with the love of my life that I will one day call my wife,” he spat.

Lucius sat there with a glare. He observed your longing stare at Draco. Tears of joy glossed over your eyes. You were head over heels in love with him and you couldn’t believe everything he’s spoken about you to his father just now.

You decided to speak up. Clearing your throat, you tried your best to remain confident. “With all due respect Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, I deeply and truly love your son. I don’t know much about the history of your family, but I do know that status means everything to you, and I promise you that even though I am a muggle with a much lower status than what you would like, I am still a good person,” you began, “I am just the same as him except I can’t do magic and I think that’s for the best considering how clumsy I am.” You chuckled a bit at the end, getting a small smile from Narcissa and Draco.

Draco looked at you with with desirous eyes. He was madly smitten with you and it was obvious to the naked eye.

“I’m so much more than just a Muggle and I could prove it to you, if you just took the time to get to know me rather than just judging me based off my witch status,” you turned to face Draco cupping his cheek in his hand, lightly brushing it with you thumb as you gazed into his eyes, “I love Draco so much with all my heart that I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. He’s everything I could’ve ever asked for and more and I truly believe that he is the one for me. He’s helping me grow as a person in places I didn’t even know I needed to grow and I admire everything your son’s become to this day and for future years to come. Our children wll be raised with nothing but love and light and I can only hope for a future where they can come running to their Grandparents in hopes that they accept them for who they are.”

Draco leaned in pressing a long over due kiss to your lips and pulled away turning back to his family.

Lucius sat back and thought about it. In their defense Draco had just dropped a bomb on them with little to no time to take in this information. Draco didn’t expect them to accept it overnight, however he does expect them to respect it.

Finally, Narcissa stood up. She stared at you for a minute before slowly walking over to you. You stood up as well and faced Narcissa gingerly. She pulled you in for a hug rubbing your back. Draco stood up as well, standing right by your side. You knew that his mother was more accepting than his father, so you hoped that he would be just as accepting.

She pulled away and smiled lightly. “I’ve nothing thought of you any less, as a matter of fact my dear, just seeing how the two of you act right now only wamrs my heart. Reminds me of the days we were just starting to fall in love, Lucius.”

Lucius held his stare, darting back between the three of you. Draco wraped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy,” you smiled.

“Please, call me Narcissa,” she spoke. The three of you turned to face Lucius. Narcissa stared at him with a stern look, tacitly telling him to say something.

He stood up with his cane and walked slowly around the table and stopped in front of the two of you. He looked you up and down once more. He pursed his lips and spoke.

“Welcome to the family.”

And with that he walked away and out of the dining room.

#Draco Malfoy #Draco #malfoy #draco malfoy fanfic #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy one shot #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy imagines #oneshot #one shot #Tom Felton #felton #HP #hp fanfic #hp imagine #hp reader insert #Harry Potter #harry #potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter oneshot #hogwarts

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about severus snape. he's one of the most controversial characters the internet has to offer, with several blogs, channels and pages dedicated specifically to hating him, despite him having one of the most—if not the most—intriguing character arcs the series has to offer. so, as a result of me coming across far too many of said blogs, channels or pages, here's an extremely detailed explanation of why i like him and think he's easily one of my favourite characters :)

1. he's not that bad of a teacher.

just so you know, i'm a teenage girl fresh out of high school. so, my experience with teachers? still keeps me up at night :)

my family is pretty strict about religion. you can guess what that means. anything that was magic-adjacent, especially something that, god forbid, had an entire school dedicated to witchcraft and wizardry was a hard no if i wanted to have any sort of freedom over the media i paid attention to, and any opportunity to go about my life without being monitored to make sure i wasn't suddenly possessed or something. thanks to this, i ended up secretly reading the philosopher's stone in my last year of primary school. i would've been 11 at the time, just about to turn 12, so a little bit older than harry and co. going on what i'd heard from those who had already read the series, i went in expecting to absolutely despise this man. i went in expecting to read a demon. i finished the book and came out thinking... that really wasn't that bad.

my mom found out, so i didn't get to read the rest of the series until i ended up on the executive committee for my school's book club and my friends were appalled that i'd only read the first book. at this point, i'm still expecting him to get worse and... he just doesn't. when i was in primary school, i had multiple teachers break wooden meter-long rulers across my classmates' backs. the first time it happened, i was in infant year 2 (about 6/7 years old). i had teachers who would insult us, based on anything from hygiene to behaviour to intelligence if you looked at them wrong. my sister (who was three years ahead of me) had a teacher who kept her in hours after school was over because the teacher had a written a note in her workbook upside down, and when my sister corrected her, the teacher made her rewrite it, turning the book each time the note was written so it would never be done the correct way.

in secondary school, i had teachers who would actively humiliate us in front of the class if we didn't do as well as they wanted. i had teachers who would throw markers and whiteboard erasers at us if we did something they didn't like during class. i had a teacher who looked for a friend of mine who was petrified of attention and then mercilessly picked on her until she went to the bathrooms to cry. these are the kinds of teachers that i was used to. so, when i read harry potter and read snape, who would have probably been one of the nicer teachers i met in my lifetime, i thought to myself, he's really not that bad. he's just... strict.

antis claim that he traumatised every kid that ever went through his class, that he straight up abused them and... no. he didn't. all of them are comfortable talking back, they talk during his class, no one trembles when he walks past, except for neville, who usually bore the brunt of snape's anger because he was consistently messing up in a potentially lethal class.

after school, i hated the thought of formal education, so now i'm working until i feel ready to do university. coincidentally, one of my jobs is teaching maths and english to kids writing the end of primary and secondary school exams. given the sheer amount of annoyance i feel sometimes, i actually respect him for not being more harsh with them, especially when they're all running off into danger or exploding cauldrons.

he really isn't that bad of a teacher, and we know this, since his classes' owl results are said to be consistently good.

plus, he was written in the 90's when all this was okay behaviour for teachers. hell, compared to some of the teachers in text, given that he goes out of his way to make sure the students are always protected, he's a lot better than most people give him credit for.

2. i relate to him.

come on, the man grew up to be a dramatic, queer-coded, petty bitch who wears all black all the time and likely has at least one mental disorder. i'm a petty, emo bisexual with (actually diagnosed, don't worry) depression and anxiety and I'm in a theatre group. what did you really expect from me?

on a serious note, both of the schools i went to were considered "prestigious". i got into my primary school because of a teacher's recommendation (she was a family friend). the second school i got into was because i scored ridiculously high on the placement test that would determine which school i went to. in primary school, i was the poor, really awkward, really smart kid who got left out of everything, and my best friend was the only kid who was worse off than me.

in secondary school, i was just as smart as everyone else... but i was still poorer, and still more awkward and still got left out of everything.

i got that isolated feeling, that feeling of not being good enough, that feeling where life always seems to have it out for you and that's even though i still got dealt a better hand than snape ever did. so, i get it. i'm never ever going to have it as bad as he did, but i acknowledge what he went through and i sympathise, because i have a chance, but it only ever got worse for him.

3. i genuinely enjoy his character.

this dude went through absolute hell for basically his entire life. the best years he had were probably when he was neck-deep in the group of people who hated witches and wizards like him, but somehow managed to treat him better than the good guys.

all of that, and he still manages to be one of the most entertaining motherfuckers in the whole series, with one of the most interesting character arcs ever. it's the witty lines, the sheer dynamic of his character, the change from the twitchy, hypervigilant kid from the slums to the adult that managed to spy on the Dark Lord himself and save the wizarding world in the process, while still being a hot mess of a person. it's the managing to get shit done while everybody hated him and everything was going to hell. it's the everything, and i haven't even talked about how badass he is.

come on, potions prodigy turned master, exemplary duellist (cough, cough, winning 4-on-1 vs McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn, and leaving a scratch on nobody, while managing to not take a single hit himself, cough, cough), spellcrafter, spy and one of the only wizards to ever figure out unaided flight. dark arts master, proficient at healing (dumbledore would've been dead a lot sooner, if it weren't for him, most likely). he's one of the most powerful wizards of his time. i've said that any universe where he's actually a bad guy—or just legitimately loyal to the death eaters—is a universe where voldemort wins and this is why. if he was motivated by literally anything other than lily, the wizarding world was more than likely fucked.

the point is, i just think he's neat.

4. spite.

every time i appreciate snape, a snater feels like someone is walking over their grave. every time i appreciate snape, a snater turns blue out of sheer rage. every time i appreciate snape, a snater loses their mind looking for their non-existent reading comprehension.

the spite in my veins is tempered only by the broth of instant ramen and ungodly amounts of sugar, and i'm going to use them all in my mission to cause antis pain when they refuse to acknowledge their lack of critical thinking and analysis skills.

so, yeah. why do i actually like snape?

tl;dr: he's not that bad. for a teacher written in the 90's and compared to teachers i've had within the decade, the guy's just strict. sure, he's a dick (who i personally think is hilarious), but he always makes sure the students are safe and he didn't leave any lasting effect on any of the students. he's really not that bad of a teacher. and hell, he's not even that bad of a person. i fully admit that he was an asshole and i entirely believe he was prone to self-destructive behaviour, but he still tried to atone for his mistakes and he did, is the thing, even though the odds were stacked more or less completely against him. i like him because he entertains me, and because i relate to him, as a teen who went through some shit and probably would have joined up with some bad people if it weren't for my friends and family, and as a teacher who really can't stand my students sometimes. i also like him because it irritates people who don't like him :)

also, istg if any of you respond to this with "bUt hE was ObseSsED with LiLY and just WAnTEd to FUCK hEr," i'm crawling into your bedroom window with the most unrealistic, mangled interpretations of your favourite characters and making sure they haunt you in your dreams. meet me in the fuckin' pit, babe. reread the series, actually think about it and come with receipts that aren't Voldemort, because i don't think you want to have the same opinion as the character who canonically doesn't understand love, now, do you, sweetheart? when you do that, then, and only then, will i consider entertaining your bullshit :)

that's about it from me, thanks for reading!

#severus snape #pro snape #why do people like snape? #i can't speak for anybody else but here's me #i probably left something out since i haven't written a good essay since my literature exam #but it's fine #let me like my chaotic bastard son in peace please #snape #snapedom

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Might stop reading Worm.

Content warning: bugs/insects/arachnids and related horror, body horror mention, miscellaneous violence mention, sexual violence/assault mention

My thoughts on the first ten arcs of Worm. (contains spoilers)

So, I finally got around to reading Worm. It was kinda big when I was in high school, and I still know some people who are/were into it, so I thought it was time that I gave it a serious shot. I did actually try to read it in high school once, but I couldn’t get into it and stopped reading after the first chapter. I tried to be a little more persistent this time to give it a fair evaluation.

When I started reading Worm this time around, I kind of just breezed past the warning at the beginning (“This story isn’t intended for young or sensitive readers. Readers who are on the lookout for trigger warnings are advised to give Worm a pass.”) I don’t consider myself someone who really gets triggered by media. I think it’s important to talk about stuff, including fucked-up stuff. It’s uncomfortable, but that discomfort is part of the point. I think it probably should bother you to read about terrible things, even fictional ones, given that those fictional atrocities almost always have real-world counterparts.

I think I vastly underestimated the amount of fucked-up-ness that is in Worm. When I read that warning, I thought, “Okay, this story’s probably dealing with some dark themes, and there might be some particular scenes that are really disturbing.” After reading the first ten arcs, though, I feel it’s more accurate to say that fucked-up-ness is Worm. It is the core of the story, and there is really very little else.

So it’s not that any particular thing that happened in the story triggered an immediate, strong, psychologically-damaging reaction in me, but as I continued reading, I began to notice that not only was I not enjoying myself, I was actually finding it subtly unpleasant. When I read about something bad happening, I get hit with a small dose of negative emotion. As it turns out, that adds up over time, especially when there aren’t any positive scenes to balance out the negative stuff. Without me even noticing for a long time, Worm was making me unhappy.

Here’s what I did like about Worm:

Impressive world-building - Wildbow is exceptional at inventing different locations, groups, and individual actors and thus creating a detailed ecosystem of capes and civilians.

Lots of characters, lots of superpowers - Directly related to the previous point, Worm contains a lot of characters...arguably too many characters. I generally prefer stories that focus on a smaller number of characters in order to give each character more room for development, but I appreciate Wildbow’s talent for coming up with vivid, if simplistic, characterizations. There are also some really interesting superpowers and interesting takes on common powers.

Inventive use of Taylor’s superpower - Taylor is always coming up with new uses for her power: having black widow spiders spin silk for her suit, using her bugs are a sixth sense to keep track of her enemies and environment, using venomous bugs to take hostages, covering her body in bugs as a disguise, coating her bugs’ stingers in capsaicin for extra punch, using human-shaped swarms to fake out her enemies...The list goes on and on, and I really appreciate how Wildbow took this oft-overlooked superpower to the next level.

Danny Hebert - The only character in the story who I can say I genuinely like. Danny Hebert is a union organizer whose pet project is getting the ferry up and running again so that there can be more interaction between the poorer and wealthier parts of Brockton Bay. I also loved the scene where he supports Taylor in the “mediation” with her bullies and their parents at school. Even if he was impotent, unable to protect her, I could tell he was on her side. His one screw-up is when he locks Taylor in the living room and tries to force her to talk to him, but it definitely makes sense with his character (a little bit of a pushover) and the story (Taylor was shutting him out and seemed to be putting herself in danger) that he would end up letting Taylor’s grandma convince him to take a forceful approach. Don’t get me wrong, locking up your kid is a horrible thing to do (I should know, my parents did it to me, and it fucked me up), but I still ended up feeling bad for him when Taylor just up and disappeared. She didn’t even call her dad to let him know that she was still alive after Leviathan! I mean, on the one hand, I do actually appreciate that she started making an effort to protect her father from the dangers of her cape life, something that I was kind of appalled to see that she never even considered before. But damn, did I feel bad for Danny.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

Way too much fucked-up shit happening - Name an atrocity, Worm’s probably got it. The plot is mostly just terrible thing after terrible thing and reveals of how terrible all of the characters are, with many terrible things that aren’t directly treated in the plot peppered in along the way.

Lots of capes, no heroes - This is one of those themes that sounds deep on paper but is really just cynical and fatalistic. Even if all the capes are corrupted by power (or by the toxic power dynamics between capes), what about civilians? Where’s the thoughtful therapist or the brave fire-fighter? Danny Hebert is one notable exception to the “Everyone is terrible” rule, but we don’t see all that much of him. Other than him, the only person I can think of who could possibly fit this “civilian hero” role is Aisha’s social worker, who I don’t think even has a name.

All superpowers are evil - This is arguably just a rephrasing of the previous point, but I think it’s important to mention. Worm contains so many superpowers, but it seems like they’re all being put to evil purposes. Panacea, the superheroine with healing powers (really just dominion over health and illness of the human body in general), makes some really despicable threats (e.g. giving someone cancer with a touch, or giving someone a disorder that will only manifest at an unknown time in the future, leaving them to anguish over their fate). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with writing a character using this type of power for evil ends. There’s a lot of interesting stuff to explore there, and I actually love that Panacea is a character that acknowledges the burden of having a healing power, feeling unable to take any time for yourself while simultaneously growing to resent those you feel obligated to help. My issue is not with Panacea but with the fact that literally every superpower in the story is painted in a negative light. It just feels absurd to suggest that, for example, someone like Gallant couldn’t use his power (carefully and thoughtfully and with consent) to heal people with emotional trauma. Superpowers in Worm are only for violence and conflict and crime, and I just don’t understand that. Again, the rogues form a token exception, but we rarely actually see them, and one of the first rogues we meet, Canary, is immediately subject to harsh and unjust punishment and never heard from again.

A misguided focus on only certain types of crime/violence - Worm deals with gang violence, robberies, and general chaos-inducing terrorism. It focuses on crimes perpetuated by working-class individuals and small to medium size illicit groups. There’s some commentary on state-sanctioned violence in terms of the corruption of the Protectorate and Dragon’s worries of having to obey a despot should one take over the government, but it’s not exactly framed in a way that highlights the struggles of the average person; the focus is almost entirely on capes. Worm doesn’t discuss things like wage theft, illegal rent hikes, or, dare I say it, the inherent violence of capitalism, which, while less flashy, are important problems with far-reaching consequences. It’s weird, and honestly kind of unrealistic, that there’s not a single anarcho-communist cape. Whether you agree with that kind of politics or not, it’s still a glaring omission if the setting of the story is trying to emulate real life. Again, Danny Hebert’s role as a union organizer and interest in restoring the ferry and reintegrating the city pay token attention to some of these ideas, but the vast majority of the story is unconcerned with addressing the source of, or solutions to, poverty and crime in Brockton Bay and the wider world of Worm.

So those are my thoughts. There’s a part of me that still thinks, “But so many people like this so much! Maybe it’ll get better!” I have a really strong drive to understand why others like the things that they do, to be able to share in their appreciation. But from what I’ve seen in a couple memes I happened upon, things are getting worse, not better for the world of Worm. And even if things start to resolve at some point, I’m not sure it would be great for my mental health to continue reading up to that point.

The breaking point for me, if you’re curious, was when a main character was just casually revealed to be a serial rapist. That wasn’t even the point of the chapter, it was just kind of thrown out there as an extremely-not-fun fact. So I was still reeling from that reveal while also experiencing all of the atrocities said character was committing in the moment, and after that was when I realized, “Hey, maybe this is not the kind of content I should be reading.” It even took reading a few more chapters into Arc 11 for it to really sink in, but I had this weird revelation of like, I get to choose which fictional worlds I spend my time in, and the world of Worm isn’t one I relish.

If you do enjoy Worm, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on what makes it appealing to you.

#text #long text #review #thoughts #web serial #fiction #Worm #superpowers #parahumans #superheroes #supervillains #morality #evil #violence #capitalism #systemic violence #grimdark

[linkspooky]

This Thing

de·hu·man·i·za·tion 

noun

the process of depriving a person or group of positive human qualities.

This thing A meta on the dehumanization of villains done by the heroes in the manga My Hero Academia, if you’re interested read more underneath the cut.

Before saying anything else, yes crimminals are a group of people who can be dehumanized. People who break the law are still in fact people, and while this is mainly talking about a fictional work it’s worth remembering that dehumanization is a tactic used to justify violence and the taking away of human rights from crimminals and incarcerated people. 

People are still people. No matter what bad things they do they’re still people. And victims are victims even if they don’t present their victimhood in easy to digest ways. The conflict in My Hero Academia is one much more complicated than hero vs. villain because it exists within a society that generates its own villains through intentional neglect. I say neglect, because most heroes seem to be of the perspective that villains are either born evil, or choose to do evil entirely of their own free will and are never victims of circumstances or forced into the livelihood. 

Villain isn’t just what costumed crimminals are called in MHA, it’s a literal legal definition that are given to certain crimminal offenders. We don���t know what exactly the legal ramifications are, but the fact that you can literally be called a villain just for being a repeat offender shows the way hero society views it’s crimminals. 

Villain has different connotations, it means an inhuman evil, not just a person who has done bad things. Police also have much more power in comparison to our society as well, in the manga vigilantes when his sister Makoto brings up the fact that technically her friend who has been accused of villainry is innocent until proven guilty and formally charged. 

Tsukauchi gets physically angry with her. 

What’s important in this situation is the girl they’re arguing about pop step is an innocent victim. She was kidnapped by a man, had a parasite inserted into her brain and is being physically controlled. What she needs to be is saved not put down, but the law is so inflexible it’s only capable of seeing her as a villain not as a person caught in a bad situation who needs to be saved from that situation. 

And it’s much later revealed that there is technically a way to save her life, but because it requires breaking of the laws the police and heroes won’t ever do it. Beating her up won’t save her, it’ll just kill her as an innocent victim of circumstance, and stop her from doing any more damage to the people around her. Even if the police knew the way to save her life they won’t attempt it because it breaks the law. 

Being a by the book cop is all well and good, but when the law that exists doesn’t protect people there’s something wrong with the law. This isn’t an isolated incident either, we’re shown over and over again in the main manga as well this is always how villains are responded to, violent suppression. 

At the start of the manga Shigaraki says this, that heroes and villains are both violent but because heroes are categorized as such their violence suddenly becomes heroic. All Might just dismisses what he says as him being a madman.  

Not only that but in the aftermath of the break in the heroes all attempt to dissect Shigaraki’s character. They all make him out to be some kind of insane person that could have no possible rationale or reason behind his actions. 

They dismiss Shigaraki’s attack as him simply being a man-child who thinks he can do whatever he wants. There’s no possible way that he could have any kind of sympathetic reason or human rationale, because he’s a villain, right? Except we learn later that’s not the case. 

The words that Shigaraki is saying to All Might echo the words of his abuser. Shigaraki is like this not out of his own choice, but because he was deliberately shapped and moulded by someone. The reason why Shigaraki is impuslively violent is because as a literal five year old he was exposed to violence over and over again, and told this is who he was, this is what he was for. 

All Might later discovers that Shigaraki is not only the son of Nana Shimura’s son, a child he was personally responsible for when his mother died but decided to go along with his mother’s plan to abandon him (for his protection) and then also that All for One had specifically raised Shimura Tenko as a weapon against him. All Might knowing completely the manipulative kind of man that All for One is, and that Shimura must have been young when All for One took him in. Is still able only to see Shigaraki as a crimminal. 

He is literally told that he can’t see him as anything other than a villain otherwise his judgement would be affected. At this point it’s not even ignorance, it’s intentional neglect. All Might SHOULD know that something is up with Shimura Tenko and that he didn’t choose to become a villain and was most likely influenced by All for One and yet the heroes all choose to ignore that fact and instead put him down like any other crimminal. 

The problem with dehumanizing crimminals is that cops are not omniscient. Cops make mistakes. Cops are wrong, like... a lot. When you give people the power of law, there are people who are victims who were just trying to survive who are going to get caught up and treated exactly the same as people who are genuinely dangerous and out to hurt others like AFO. There are people who are perfectly innocent sometimes who will get caught up in it too.

People like Tsukauchi and Gran Torino may be good cops, they may be by the book cops, but that’s it. They’re the type that gets angry at the fact that due process exists because they believe that cops always suspect the right people, and that their hunches are never wrong or they could never possibly arrest someone who doesn’t deserve it. Neither of them acknowledge that the system is flawed and often makes mistakes, and because of that they end up believing that the police are always in the right, that the police could never prosecute someone wrongly, and those are dangerous beliefs to have for literally any law system, especially one with guys that shoot lasers out of their eyes.. The reason due process exists is not to slow the hand of justice, it’s because the legal system is really flawed. 

The problem with giving too much power to police is that we don’t exist in a perfect world where the police will obey even their own laws. Why don’t we just put cameras in everybody’s houses? People who aren’t doing anything illegal won’t have anything to worry about. Unless suddenly things like speaking out against the government become illegal because the police now have the power to enforce it. What I’m saying is the rule of law does not necessarily = good or evil. Rules are not always good, and they’re also not absolutes they change all the time, and they also don’t always exist to protect people they need to protect. We see this literally happen in My Hero Acadmia, the government uses it’s power to kidnap a child and erase his name literally the exact same way All for One did so he could be raised as a child soldier. 

The conflict in My Hero Academia is not good guys vs bad guys, especially when the good guys don’t even act as good guys, and a step beyond that rigid laws and adherence to social order is not ever going to solve the problems associated with villains like Shigaraki because those laws are fundamentally unjust. They don’t exist to protect the people who most need protecting, they exist to oppress a minority in order to maintain social order. 

Yes, violent crimminals are still a group of people. They are still human beings with rights. If they’re not guaranteed those rights they will be abused. We’ve literally seen this play out in action. 

Hawks corners Twice, and then says he’ll go out of his way to Save Twice because he personally likes him. The only one of the villains Hawks treats as a human and not just an enemy to put down is Twice, and only because he personally likes him. 

Twice brings up the fact that all of his friends deserve to be saved the same way he is. In fact, he even goes out of his way to say that he would die to save these people, and Hawks just ignores them because he sees no humanity in them only the one he personally likes. 

Then Hawks goes out of his way to mention that if Twice doesn’t stop fighting back, it’s his fault if they die. Twice is trying to argue with Hawks that the people he sees as a danger to society, and that need to be taken down are humans capable of being kind just as much as they are a threat. 

Twice murders him. He goes out of his way to murder him and stab him in the back. Hawks acting in a capacity as a hero, goes out of his way to dehumanize Twice again and again, completely ignore his own feelings and words, and then that conflict eventually escalates to murder. The point is not that Hawks had no choice but to kill him, but rather Hawks convinced himself he had no choice but to kill Twice. 

The problem with applying this extremely harsh and punitive, even war-like view of law and order is that innocent people like Twice who literally only wanted to keep his friends happy will get caught up in it. Hawks literally thought that Twice had a chance for rehabilitation, that of the league he was the one most likely to rehabilitate and he still murdered him.

Heroes aren’t interested in rehabilitation. They are there to beat up villains. For several of them, it’s not even that far of a jump to get to the point where they start justifying killing villains. Miruko is almost excited to murder the Nomu who are, you know, innocent victims of mad science. 

They want to take down Ujiko, but they don’t care at all about his creations which are all former people, and the heroes know this by this point. Finally, I want to discuss one of the most empathic characters in the manga. 

Aiawa is the current guardian of Eri. He participated in the mission to rescue her from Chisaki. He is someone who views Eri as a victim, and never gets upset with her or blames her for her out of control quirk the same way Chisaki once did. 

Not only that but Aizawa himself has had a friend kidnapped and stolen away by All for One. He knows personally what All for One can do to a person, by changing Shirakumo to Kurogiri he completely warped his personality and controlled him to the point where the person he once was was almost gone. 

He knows All for One is capable of having that affect on people, not only that but Kurogiri himself says that Shigaraki is like a lost kitten that he can’t throw away because he feels responsible. 

Aizawa has rescued a victim who is in similiar circumstances to Shigaraki. Aizawa has literally seen his best friend warped and changed by All for One’s hand. It should be obvious what Shigaraki has been through by now, and yet Aizawa doesn’t seem to care about Shigaraki’s circumstances at all.

Shirakumo has done bad things in AFO’s name as well. However, Aizawa decides to see Shirakumo as a victim. Even though Shirakumo is also complicit in the grooming and raising of Shigaraki for what he is, and almost certainly had a hand in manipulating him. 

Aizawa empathizes with Kurogiri because he knows him personally, because he wants Shirakumo back. He doens’t bother to care about Shigaraki, because he doesn’t know Shigaraki personally. It’s not only hypocritical, it’s also just plain ignorance. 

Aizawa is literally given every story reason to care. Shirakumo literally tells Aizawa that Shigaraki is a person he wants to protect and that he’s fond of. Aizawa believes that despite the terrible things he’s done, there’s still the boy who wanted to become a hero somewhere in Kurogiri, and he’s literally proven right. 

Shirakumo still has a chance and is given a chance to become a hero, because Aizawa cares about him because they were friends but that’s about it. It’s not like Aizawa is driven by a very rigorous and strict sense of justice. He’s clearly willing to make exceptions, even for people who have put his students at risk, or even personally attacked him. He’s willing to reach out and understand Shirakumo’s circumstances, so clearly he doesn’t have a completely black and white view of good and evil. However, Aizawa’s reasons for sympathizing with Kurogiri and only Kurogiri are ultimately pretty selfish. It’s because he wants Shirakumo back. He doesn’t care about the circumstances, or even who Kurogiri cares about now he just wants his old friend back. Therefore he has no reason to care about Shigaraki who was victimized in a similiar way to Kurogiri, just because he doesn’t know him. I guess you’re not obligated to care about anybody, but it’s the exact opposite of empathy, especially in a character like Aizawa who has always shown to be especially protective of children. Nobody tries to understand Shigaraki, nobody tries to empathize with him, even though he also once had the exact same dream as both Shirakumo, and even Deku. 

But Shigaraki’s just a monster that needs to be put down and stopped, there’s not a fragment of good in him like there was for Kurogiri, like there was for Twice. 

Aizawa even gets angry at Ujiko for the callous way he treats human lives. For the way they were tossed aside. He’s righteously angry for Ujiko’s victims, especially Kurogiri. But he doesn’t stop to think for a second that Shigaraki is possibly another victim manipulated by the likes of Ujiko. Once again because Aizawa doesn’t personally know Shigaraki, or because Shigaraki is a bad person, who cares if he gets hurt and manipulated by Ujiko. 

So we see by the heroes, Shigaraki referred to as a thing, Shigaraki referred to as an it. He’s just a monster to be stopped. It’s like he’s a boss in a video game the heroes need to kill. 

Even though they literally see him being experimented on by Ujiko, an actual abuser who has used his money and connections to commit inhuman experiments his whole life that too must be Shigaraki’s fault somehow. The heroes are repeating the exact same lines that Shigaraki’s abuser All for One did on him. 

By treating him as a monster. By treating him as a thing that needs to be killed, rather than a person who needs to be saved. They are doing All for One’s work for him by creating a symbol of fear and robbing a lifelong victim of abuse of his humanity. It’s like they want villains like Shigaraki to exist so they can remain heroes. 

#mha meta #league of villains meta #lov meta #my hero academia meta #shigaraki tomura #aizawa shota #kurogiri #shirakumo oboro

[sepublic]

Luz’s Denial of her Feelings

           You know what? I LOVE the idea of Luz actually low-key being in denial of Amity’s feelings towards her… Because Luz is in denial of her own feelings towards Amity! We know from Dana that Luz hasn’t noticed Amity’s crush yet, because she’s busy with a LOT of things in general (not to mention she’s ADHD-coded so her mind is constantly buzzing with a million thoughts at once no less)…

           But once she DOES have time to start noticing, how would she react? Would Luz get nervous, because she’s never been someone’s crush, ever? The girl has a subtle tendency to undervalue herself, and how much she means to people… This can result in Luz being selfless and not expecting anything in return, and while on her own she’s already that compassionate, this lack of self-love could admittedly jeopardize that. It’s why it means so much to Luz, whenever someone tells her outright –like King did for example- that she means a lot to them…!

           …But a crush? A romantic crush? This is Amity’s first big one. We don’t know what Luz’s love history is, if she’s had one… But either she’s not used to having a crush on an actual person that she personally knows, and/or she’s afraid of rejection. I feel like Luz is someone who probably DID try to be emotionally open with people besides Camila in the past, with fellow kids… Only to get shut down. To be closed off… Maybe someone DID get to know her, and was interested at first- But then they saw the ‘true’ Luz, and got turned off, and it broke her heart!

           Luz is always concerned about what she can do for others, about not judging them… And while she knows to be herself, there is this potential concern that, what if this causes her to deliberately undervalue the opinions of others about her as a result? Luz doesn’t let criticisms from other people get to her, but it also means she’s not sure how to handle when someone is really genuinely interested? Luz is too used to not letting others’ feelings about her affect how SHE feels… And while this has worked in the past because a lot of feelings towards her were negative, how does she handle ones that are positive?

           And I can see Luz just… running from this. Kind of a hilarious and a little angsty parallel to how Amity runs from her feelings for Luz. Kind of like how Luz runs from her fears during Grom, which was ALSO a rather Lumity-centered episode no less…! Luz doesn’t want to admit that Amity has a crush on her, because she really undervalues herself, and doesn’t know how to handle such an intimate opinion? Maybe Luz becomes afraid of letting down Amity, of losing her love and being rejected… So Luz overthinks how to be whatever makes her so lovable to Amity!

           Of course, Luz learns that Luz being herself is exactly what makes Amity love her… That Luz doesn’t need to focus on being this or that in particular, that her own existence as-is is already perfect, whatever she chooses for herself! On another note, I imagine Luz being in denial of Amity’s feelings and thus vice-versa, because aside from rejection; Maybe she thinks she isn’t good enough for the girl? Maybe Luz thinks Amity is too good for her… Luz wants the best for Amity, and sadly, she doesn’t see herself as that? To Luz, it’d be doing a disservice to her friend as well.

           Especially since she knows how harsh Odalia and Alador can be, Luz might not see herself as strong enough to protect Amity, either directly or by earning the Blight parents’ approval! Being in love with Amity would further complicate this dilemma, it’s easy to not care what THEY think… But they’re Amity’s parents, Amity has a lot of emotional stake in Odalia and Alador! Luz can’t just disregard that, so either she DOES acknowledge the feelings, or she doesn’t. Not to mention, Luz might be afraid of jeopardizing the hard work Amity has gone through, by convincing the girl to throw away everything she’s done just for Luz…

           And Luz would HATE to ask that of someone, as well as to make someone feel like they have to do that! She didn’t want Eda to lose her magic for her, so I can see Luz denying her and Amity’s mutual feelings, so she doesn’t encourage Amity to throw away her life’s purpose for a ‘loser’ like Luz, whom Amity may fall out of love with anyway! Because surely Amity doesn’t care THAT much…! Not to mention Luz is probably critical of how she’s hurt Amity in the past, maybe she’s afraid of hurting Amity’s feelings again…

           Perhaps for her AND Amity’s own good, the two shouldn’t be romantically involved- Even if Luz will of course be close friends no matter what! And while I see Amity also being content with that as well, it’s not good if this option is done in blatant denial to both parties’ true feelings. These girls need to be upfront about how they feel.

           Regardless, Luz pretends not to notice how Amity feels… Because taking cues from Ordinary, she’s afraid of having to go back home, and she doesn’t want to ‘let on’ Amity by ‘tricking her’ into thinking that Luz cares back- When in reality Luz really DOES, but she’s afraid of her own ability to provide romantically, of losing everything she’s had with Amity and jeopardizing that, instead of being content with the friendship they already have! She’s afraid of how much more it’ll hurt when she DOES have to go back home, and how much it’ll hurt Amity in turn… So why not deny both of their feelings, help Amity admit that this isn’t a thing?

           Maybe this could lead to something drastic on Luz’s side in a worst-case scenario, where she tries to avoid Amity… But of course, she remembers Grom. Not only did Luz not confront her worst fears, but Amity’s worst fear was Luz rejecting her… And there’s a difference between helping someone confront their fear, and forcing them to live through it. In the end, Luz knows that she’s being crueler to Amity in the long run by not acknowledging how she feels… And she’ll learn to be selfish for herself, and Luz will see how she’s being cruel to herself as well for not acknowledging these feelings!

          Like Eda dismissing the curse so Luz and King wouldn’t get worried about her, this is just putting a bandage and ignoring an issue… The sentiment is sweet, but in the end it’s best to be honest with your loved ones and not hurt them, and address things together. I mean, look at Lilith- SHE was in denial over her own issues with Eda, and didn’t want to openly confront the curse she’d cast… And look how badly THAT messed things up! If there’s one thing Lilith taught her, it was to acknowledge an issue and face it, to be honest with yourself and your own shortcomings, and only THEN can you overcome them…! If you try to hide the truth, even if it’s for the other’s own good… In the end, you’re only hurting every party involved, and being a coward in the process.

           With encouragement from her friends, such as Willow, or Emira and Edric (who are TOTALLY Lumity shippers, the OG ones and know of the crush), Luz can learn to be selfish. To get this thing she wants for herself, that she ISN’T confusing fantasy with reality this time –because that’s how she’ll try to dismiss it as first- and it CAN work out… And even if it doesn’t, there’s no way Luz and Amity can know unless they try, and even if it fails, that shouldn’t keep them from remaining close friends regardless! Regardless, Luz’s friends will remind her how brave and defiant she is, how she’ll always ask for it all both on her own behalf AND others’, just as Luz demanded multi-track learning for not just herself but the Detention Track kids as well!

           If Luz can do that- Well, she can give it a try with Amity, for both girls’ sake, right? She’s not alone in this… She’s not Amity’s sole connection, Luz’s help has ensured that Emira and Edric are there for her, and Amity is likely rekindling things with Willow, or at least both girls are willing to provide solace if not outright friendship. Maybe while dealing with the issue, Luz will try to reflect by getting Amity some other friends… And while that DOES help, there’s also an ulterior motive of trying to distance Amity from her, maybe even get Amity to fall in love with someone else who’s way more worthy! But in the end, Luz is actually being selfish for herself in a different, more harmful way, VS admitting her and Amity’s feelings for one another and acting on it. Don’t try to undervalue yourself, Luz, nor should you try to make Amity reconsider her feelings…

           After all, Luz values Amity’s agency, so if this is Amity’s choice, then it is! Amity HAS been indoctrinated, and I can see Luz being afraid that she lowkey ‘manipulated’ Amity into being in love with her, into being dependent… But in the end, that’s not at all what she did, and she already has other friends with their own input, who can put Luz back to reality- Such as Eda, King, Willow, and Gus! Maybe even Lilith, who ALSO learned to confront reality herself…! It’d be an interesting parallel to have Lilith’s willful ignorance of her issues with Eda, and the corruption of the system, VS Luz’s willful ignorance of her and Amity’s love for one another.

           Nevertheless- This is making me imagine a scenario where Emira and Edric are pursuing Luz to make her date their little sister, and force her to confront the truth, because they’ve got personal stake in this as well amidst wanting the best for Amity… And Luz is just running away from her feelings and in denial! It’s like that meme of a dude being chased down the hallway by a floating T-poser! Except it’s Luz who’s running from Ed and Em, who are emblematic of the truth of Amity’s feelings- And in the end, they’ll make it clear to Luz, that she’s breaking Amity’s heart more THIS way, than if she were to at least attempt a relationship with the girl and then have it fail. Because, at least both parties tried with one another, instead of deciding any attempts weren’t worth it nor had a point!

           And Luz… Well, you know the girl. She’s been learning more and more how much she’s been loved. Romantic love isn’t the same as familial love, nor is it better or worse… But still, if Luz can give familial love a try, having experienced it with Camila and with Eda and the rest; Maybe romantic love isn’t out of the question, either!

           Basically- You know those I won’t say I’m in love animatics for The Owl House? Imagine those, but it’s LUZ who’s singing, while being cheered on by Emira and Edric and/or Willow and Gus! Maybe even Eda, King, AND Lilith, for that matter…! Why not even throw in all of Luz’s other friends, because they’d be supportive of her as someone who’s definitely worth it… And it’d be hilarious if Amity herself joined in as well!

#the owl house #owl house #lumity #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house amity #amity blight #speculation

[spencers-renaissance]

turns out that I need you now (much more than you need me)

Summary: Spencer is suffering in silence and it's only made worse when the team messes up and makes him feel even more hurt and insecure. When Hotch goes to check on him, though, things start to look up.

Tags: hurt/comfort, hurt!spencer, getting together, depression, anxiety, happy ending

Pairings: Hotch x Reid

Word Count: 3.5k

Read on AO3

The crushing pit of loneliness deep inside Spencer’s tummy never really seems to leave, the kind that makes his breath snag and his heart rate speed up just a little. He’s surrounded by people who love him, he knows that, but it doesn’t stop the heartache from consuming him; sometimes it only exacerbates it. When he sees JJ and Emily share a private joke at the coffee machine or Derek and Hotch clap each other on the back with familiar smiles on their faces, it reminds him just how removed he is. The BAU would die for him, he knows that. He’s just not sure they’d live for him.

Sometimes he thinks they notice. When Rossi shoots him a concerned look when he’s a little too quiet on the jet or Alex sits with him for just a bit too long after a case, he thinks you’re so close. You’re nearly there. But then Rossi turns to look out the window and Alex is needed somewhere else, and he’s on the sidelines again.

It’s not like it’s new, either. He’s always been a messy melting pot of insecurities and deep feelings of sadness that never fully go away, but he can’t lie to himself. Ever since the meeting last Tuesday in the briefing room, it’s been all-consuming.

He knows they hadn’t meant to, and they’d probably be horrified if they knew how much it had affected him, but the entire interaction had felt like a knife slicing cold and slow under his skin. The case had intrigued him more than others had done recently and it had been a nice feeling, being excited about the work again, so he’d told them about a study one of his colleagues had conducted during his second Ph.D. and how he’d assisted, and Derek rolled his eyes. JJ and Emily stifled a mocking smile. Rossi had tried not to laugh at the girls while Penelope had looked mildly annoyed he’d derailed her briefing. Alex, to her credit, had looked much more pissed off at their reactions than his tangent, but it was Hotch who was the nail in the coffin.

“Reid, please,” he’d frowned disapprovingly, tone harsh as his words slammed into him. “You need to be quiet. Derailing these briefings with stupid and unhelpful tangents is unprofessional and they need to stop. Garcia.” He indicated for her to continue and she’d looked at him gratefully as they all turned their attention back to the screen.

Spencer’s life, really, was a lucky dip of humiliating moments that chipped away at his confidence and sense of self-worth, but this one felt like it took the cake. The feelings that had plagued him for almost a decade throughout his career alongside these people finally felt validated, and it wasn’t even as earth-shattering as he’d expected. There was no drama, no theatrics. Everyone simply turned away while the bottom of his stomach collapsed and his breathing snagged. Even Hotch, the man he’d loved since he joined the BAU, the man who had always been protective of him, looking out for his feelings, his well-being, everything. Even Hotch couldn’t stand him anymore.

He’d worked the case fine, of course. Despite what Hotch had told him, he knew he could be professional when it was needed and he wasn’t about to compromise that. So he offered his expertise when required and kept his tangents in check, making sure to never relax in case the real Spencer spilled out and he started rambling again. It had taken a long time for him to be comfortable enough to let that side of him reveal itself to the team, and it was excruciatingly painful to pack it back away, lock it up, and pretend to be the person he’d tried to be for the majority of his life.

The unsub was apprehended, which gave him a small jump of excitement and satisfaction for a moment before the reality of the situation set back in and he was brought back down to earth. Alex sat next to him on the jet, placing a reassuring hand on his forearm for a second before offering a smile and turning to her crossword. His arm burned with the need to throw himself at her for a much-needed hug, touch-starvation settling deeply into his bones. Restraint felt painful.

The case is over now, though. There’s no adrenaline rush to keep him going, no puzzle motivating him anymore. He’s trapped at his desk, sat next to Derek and Emily’s banter and it feels like highschool again, making himself as small as possible while he prayed for no one to notice him, listening to everyone having a good time. The paperwork occupies him for a little while, but it isn’t long before he’s pulling out files to consult remotely on cases and begging Hotch for a little extra to do.

If he keeps his brain busy, his broken heart won’t weigh him down so much, he rationalises, but even the trip to the coffee machine feels like dragging himself up a mountain. He feels completely oblivious to his surroundings; like he’s stuck in a sea of molasses and everyone around him is speaking in slow-motion, blurring in comparison to the weight of everything he’s feeling.

It only becomes a problem the Wednesday after the meeting, when he finds that he just cannot get out of bed. He’s been on autopilot for at least a week, probably a lot longer than that if he’s honest with himself, and it’s like that function’s just… stopped working. He can’t get up and grab a banana before jumping in the shower and shaving, shrugging on his suit and drinking his first coffee of the day, he can’t even find the willpower to roll over in bed.

Eventually, his alarm turns itself off and he closes his eyes and goes back to sleep.

★

“Reid? Reid, can you hear me?”

The world gently comes back into focus as he concentrates on the voice coming from behind him, and the first thing he notices is it’s dark outside; somehow the entire day managed to pass him by without him realising. The second thing he notices is how absolutely ravenous he is. Stirring slowly, he eventually rolls over, only to see Hotch crouching by his bed, still in his slightly rumpled suit, though he’s not wearing a tie.

“Hotch?” he questions, sounding as baffled as he feels. Seriously, what happened to make him sleep the day away only to wake up to his boss calling his name? He feels like he should sit up and make himself presentable, but he simply doesn’t have the energy and his bed is far too warm for him to have any desire to unfurl himself from the covers.

“How are you feeling, Spencer?” Hotch replies, voice soft and careful, and that gets his attention. Hotch rarely calls him Spencer and he’s using the voice he talks to Jack or frightened victims with, not him, never him. He meets Hotch’s eyes for the first time, and they’re filled with an emotion he hasn’t seen before, one Hotch has clearly been withholding from him, but all he wants to do is melt into it, sink into the warmth and gentleness he knows will welcome him.

Still, he can’t find the motivation to question anything that’s happening, instead burying deeper down under his duvet and sighing softly. “Tired,” he mumbles eventually, but he realises something else, too, and decides to admit it. What’s the worst that could happen at this point? “Sad.”

Hotch is quiet for a short moment before he replies. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“Don’t think so,” Spencer murmurs, letting his eyes droop closed again.

“I came because I was worried about you,” Hotch says soothingly, answering the question Spencer’s been too tired to ask. “You didn’t show up for work today but we were flat out with a local case all day so I couldn’t come and check on you until now. What’s going on, Spencer? Why didn’t you come in today, or at least call me?”

He has to wait a moment to muster the energy, but eventually, Spencer sits up slightly, leaning against the pillow and the headboard, and meets Hotch’s eyes again. Thinking about what he’s about to say -- what he’s about to admit to somebody else for the first time -- makes him tear up a little, the reminder of the pain he’s been in for years aching deep and raw. “The simple answer is I’m exhausted, Hotch,” he replies, voice thick and eyes droopy. “I’m mentally and physically exhausted and I’m sad, and lonely, and afraid and I feel like I’ll never be happy, I feel like an outsider, the odd one out, and I’m done, I just cannot keep going like this, it’s impossible. And this morning I woke up and I just couldn’t will my body to get out of bed. Not caring about the consequences, I turned my alarm off and fell back to sleep.”

He’d looked away during his confession, but when he looks back at Hotch, he sees that his own eyes aren’t the only ones watering. “Spencer,” he starts, but his voice catches and he has to take a moment to compose himself. “Why didn’t you say something? You could have told me, I-- I would have helped you.” Spencer’s seriously taken aback by the scene in front of him: Hotch is crouched on his bedroom floor, looking genuinely destroyed because of some stupid emotions he’s been feeling?

“No, no. This is my own battle, I don’t deserve your help,” Spencer refutes, defeated. He sinks lower into the comfort of his mattress. “You don’t really want to help me anyway, I’m just a member of the team and you know you can’t have me lacking. I’m an obligation.” He spits the last word out as he closes his eyes against the emotional pain twisting harshly in his stomach.

“Spencer, that’s not how it is at all,” Hotch replies gently. “First and foremost, you’re my friend, and I’d do anything for you, especially anything to help and protect you. That���s how the entire team sees you--”

“You don’t have to lie,” Spencer cuts him off. “I know I’m irritating and the only reason I haven’t been booted off yet is my ability to read quickly and remember important facts. Except that’s the reason you guys resent me: I’m annoying, I go off on tangents, and I’m too clever for my own good. Too socially awkward to fit in, I know it.”

“Spence, is this about what happened last week?” Hotch ventures carefully, and Spencer flinches. “I’ve been meaning to apologise for that all week but there was no good moment, and truthfully I was ashamed. It was an inexcusable way to treat you and handle the situation, I’m so very sorry. I know that it probably made you feel small and scolded, like an outcast, exacerbating those feelings, but that wasn’t my intention, you have to realise that. I was tired, I’d been up all night with Jack who had the stomach flu, and with how time-sensitive the case was combined with the pressure coming from above, I was stressed and on edge. It wasn’t your fault, I’m the one in the wrong here.”

That makes him look up, searching Hotch’s face for signs of insincerity. “You were right though,” he denies, but his voice is weaker, wavering. “Besides, it wasn’t just you, it was everybody.”

“I’m sure that they’d feel awful if they knew how they made you feel, but nobody on this team would ever want to make you sad or feel left out, and they certainly wouldn’t want you to feel ashamed of who you are, or your incredible talents,” Hotch responds, firm and insistent. He reaches out to take Spencer’s hand. “You are so deeply loved by all of us, Spence, I wish you’d believe that.”

He looks away at that, fiddling with the fabric of the duvet cover. “Really?” he asks, hopefully. He finds it hard to believe, but Hotch looks so sincere and his voice sounds truthful. Plus, Hotch doesn’t make a habit out of lying.

“Really,” he confirms, with that small, fond smile that only graces his face on rare occasions and makes Spencer’s insides fuzzy. “Now, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to fetch us some dinner and we’ll eat it together on the couch, and then tomorrow I’m going to make a doctors’ appointment for you, okay? I know that that incident last week might have triggered this, but clearly, there are some serious underlying concerns if it was able to impact you so severely and it would make me feel better to know that you’d seen a medical professional, alright?”

“Okay,” Spencer nods, smiling back at the warmth in Hotch’s eyes.

★

Hotch dashes out to pick up a sharing platter with an excessive amount of sides from a Lebanese restaurant Spencer had mentioned he loved ages ago and helps him out to the sofa in his cosy apartment when he gets back. He wraps him up in the fluffy blanket he keeps on the arm of the sofa and hands him a plate filled with delicious food. His actions are almost loving, Spencer thinks as Hotch flicks the TV on to the history channel, knowing that it’s the only thing he’ll really watch, but he quickly quells those thoughts. Hoping is pointless.

“Is that alright, Spencer?” he asks softly, as he sits on the opposite end of the sofa and begins to tuck into his similarly loaded plate of food.

“Perfect,” Spencer smiles, feeling safe and content for the first time in weeks. Having Hotch so close to him feels like a tether to the rest of the world, a grounding force stopping him from floating away.

“Good.”

They watch the TV quietly, appreciating each others’ presence in a soft, familiar kind of way. It’s halfway through the program they’re watching about industrialisation when their plates are empty and resting on the coffee table that Spencer speaks up. “Did you know that the progression of technology really isn’t as linear as we might expect? Ancient civilisations simply invented the technology they needed; they weren’t necessarily primitive just because they didn’t have something that we now deem as essential. The Inca, for example, did have wheels, but they used them for short distances, not for long-distance transportation because of their mountainous terrain. Instead, they had complex road systems that they navigated with pack animals and they built suspension bridges long before Europeans because it was the technology they required. Egyptians never even bothered with the wheel, because their terrain was full of sand; instead, they were excellent at building boats. Technology is invented, lost, invented again all over the world.”

He blushes a little when he finishes his explanation, and looks over at Hotch properly, surprised at the expression on his face. “You’re brilliant, you know that Spencer?” he says fondly, looking genuinely in awe of the man in front of him.

“No,” Spencer tries to dismiss him, “I’m really not, it’s just what I was bor--”

He’s abruptly cut off when Hotch surges forward, crossing the small amount of distance between them on the sofa quickly, capturing his surprised, parted lips with his own. Hotch brings his hand up to rest firmly on Spencer’s jaw, caressing his thumb gently across his cheekbone as he kisses Spencer with a fervent passion he’s never experienced anyone feel for him before.

Spencer’s wide eyes meet Hotch’s melting ones as they pull gently away. “I mean it,” Hotch says softly, running his thumb over Spencer’s bottom lip. “You’re incredible, and I can’t get enough of you.” He presses another chaste kiss to his lips as if to prove he means what he says.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, Hotch, you have no idea,” Spencer says breathily, staring up at him in awe as he tries to appear more put together than his mushy insides will allow.

“Me too,” he laughs softly, warming Spencer’s heart even more. “But if this is going to work, you’re going to have to stop calling me Hotch.”

“Deal,” Spencer giggles, pushing away his blanket in favour of straddling his legs and pressing another loving kiss to his lips. “Aaron.”

“God, I love the way my name sounds dripping from those lips,” he groans, gripping his waist gently, rubbing his thumbs over his stomach as he leans up to kiss Spencer again.

They kiss quietly on the sofa with the history channel playing in the background for a while, losing track of time as they melt into one another. Eventually, though, Spencer gets tired, shifting off Aaron’s lap to sit next to him, resting his head on his chest. Aaron gets the hint and wraps a protective arm around his waist, pulling him as close as possible. “I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time, Spencer,” he whispers into his hair. “As long as you want me here, though, I promise I’ll do everything I can to prevent you from feeling like that again.”

“I know,” Spencer whispers back, drawing comfort from the musk of Aaron’s cologne and the subtle scent of sweat lingering behind it. “Just being like this makes me feel safe, though. Less alone.”

“I’m glad, sweetheart.”

Spencer nearly squeaks at that, face flushing dark red. “Sweetheart?” he asks, embarrassed.

“Do you not like it? I’m sorry Spencer, I don’t have to call you anything other than your name.”

“No, no,” he rushes to clarify. “I like it, I really do, you just surprised me, is all.”

“Good,” Aaron says, and Spencer can hear the fond smile in his voice.

“Will you,” Spencer starts shyly, before clearing his throat. “Will you stay tonight? I don’t want you to go, I want the company.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you need,” he says comfortingly, rubbing his hand gently across the span of his tummy.

It’s the best Spencer’s slept in months probably, wrapped up safely in Aaron’s arms. The bed is warm and toasty and he feels genuinely Not Alone, like he has someone in his corner. A night of comfortable and unbroken sleep is exactly what he needs and it’s what Aaron’s comforting presence and protective embrace gives him.

★

Luckily the FBI’s health insurance gets him the therapy he needs and some anti-anxiety medication which together slowly starts to improve his self-esteem and perception of those around him. Aaron’s steady support doesn’t hurt either, always there to give him a cuddle and remind him of all the good in him and others, how loved he is and how he’ll never have to be alone again, not if he doesn’t want to be.

Gradually, Spencer realises that the looks JJ and Emily shoot one another are fond; they both love his little tangents and are fondly amused by them. Spencer had never noticed the smile on his face when Derek rolls his eyes, simply teasing him in the same way he does when he ruffles his hair and calls him ‘pretty boy’ on the way to the kitchen. His entire perception of how others saw him had been completely skewed by his mind, and he was slowly unlearning those immediate assumptions.

And if it ever did go too far, he had Aaron to glare at the offending party, and squeeze his hand comfortingly under the table, giving him a cuddle and holding him protectively as soon as they were in private.

Coincidentally, it’s exactly that ritual that gets them figured out a few months later. A local police officer had been pretty awful to him when Spencer was simply trying to explain how they’d come to a certain conclusion about an aspect of an unsub’s profile. Aaron takes Spencer with him to grab some lunch for the team and as soon as they get out of the SUV and step into the parking lot of the local sandwich shop, he pulls him close and tells him how much he loves him.

They do not see Derek and Emily coming out of the shop with bags of food in their hands having had the same idea as them, mouths open until they pull away and it is much too late. Their sworn secrecy does not last long, not that they’d really expected it to, and soon the entire team is in a perpetual state of teasing. Spencer sort of loves it, though, and Aaron will put up with the type of intrusion into his private life that he usually resents if it makes Spencer smile as wide as it does when Derek or JJ make an off-handed comment about how gone for him Aaron is.

Slowly, Spencer feels that empty pit of loneliness fill back up, the aching sadness eases when he has so many hands willing to help him carry the burden. The happy ending he’d been craving for so long, the ending he’d written off as unattainable and stupid to wish for, he finally had in his hands, and he wasn’t about to let it go anytime soon.

Yes, Emily and Alex were never officially in a season together but shhh I’m writing I can do what I want.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds writing #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #hotch #hotch x reid #my writing #hotchreid

[totallypathet]

UK Episode Five

UK Hun?

I know I haven't at all talked about Drag Race UK this season, but I have ~opinions~ and my flatmate is getting bored of me so here we are.

First episode back after lockdown! I feel so bad for these queens, started filming, get sent home for seven months, have no idea if/when they're going to start filming again, lose income for 7 months, it must have been so awful. But I'm glad they're all back! Except poor Veronica who got covid - I hope they do a Eureka and invite her back for season 3, I feel like she had so much more to show!

Of course they brought someone back to replace her, typical drag race gag, but nice that someone else got another chance! Having said that, it should have been Astina. She didn't deserve to go home in the first place, imo. I do think it was kind of harsh to throw that at everyone first thing though! Like the eliminated three didn't get to do anything to even fight for it, and for all the remaining queens, like its been seven months! Who remembers things that long?? Not me, that's for damn sure. I think that was kind of harsh, and I think a lot of people did go for Joe maybe as a safe choice, like there's always an argument for the queen who went home first, they didn't really get to show much. You know what I wish, I wish those three had been a group for the Eurovision (I refuse to say Rurovision) challenge, and then everyone got a chance to vote someone back. That would have felt fairer somehow.

Anyway. I was initially really glad we got Joe back, because I really felt like she did have more to show. I was soon to be disappointed, however 😂

I do love the music challenges, and I adore MNEK, I hope he is like the permanent music judge. One of my favourite moments was him, I think it was after Bimini's first take, going "well...its good that we have that..." very like Chrissy Teigen 😬 that was so funny to me, I loved it.

1. A'Whora

Before the covid break I really didn't like A'Whora, but I feel like she's come back a bit more relaxed, a bit more open, and I liked her so much more this episode. I feel like maybe when she came back she was a bit more relaxed because she knew (kind of) what she was walking into, so she felt a but more at home, maybe. Anyway, I think she did really well this week! She's not a singer, but she leaned into this moany sexy thing that some people do do at Eurovision, and hey, sex sells! I think it was a smart choice for her.

Her look as well... amazing. You guys it was a bag of chips! She had wooden forks as her earrings! The font of the newspaper was to scale! She was carrying a salt shaker! It was so sick, I loved it. I loved seeing her be fashion and polished and beautiful, but also whimsy and funny at the same time! Great week for A'Whora.

2. Bimini Bon Boulash

We LOOOOOOOVE Bimini Bon Boulash! For me, she was the absolute stand out this week, I just adored her! Her verse was amazing, her lyrics were great, her very East London attitude was everything, I just loved it. And her outfit! That mad pink cowboy barbie? Incredible! Also, so Eurovision. And the jump off the stool! That lives in my head rent free. "Somebody do a death drop or summing!" Perfect. The whole performance was amazing.

Also her runway looooooook! It was so beautiful, so fashion, I was getting Gautier from that lace and the umbrella... everything about it to me was so perfect. I know it was a team win, but to me Bimini absolutely killed it, and she was my winner 🥰🥰

3. Ellie Diamond

I love Ellie, but honestly I think she's too young for this competition. She's so great, but if you give her just a couple more years, she's going to be absolutely unstoppable. I think she did pretty well this week, her lyrics were fun, she is a dancer, she performed great! I do agree with Michelle, she did look a little bit like she was in her head for a lot of the performance, but that just comes with confidence, and when you've not performed for 7 months and then suddenly you're on the main stage, that's got to be super nerve wracking!

I also think Ellie was a victim of a bad group this week. I think the group as a whole didn't have a lot of direction or focus, the choreography wasn't that great, they didn't really feel like a group. It was unfortunate. I feel like she did the best she could.

I kind of loved her runway, I think the seagull thing was hilarious! She was a human size seagull! That's hysterical. The only thing I kind of wish is that she'd had ridiculous padding on. Like, what's funnier than a giant seagull with huge tits in a bikini. I think that's so funny.

4. Joe Black

Oh Joe. I was excited for Joe to come back, but as soon as she walked out to the Eurovision challenge in that dress with that wig and a belt, I knew it was over.

I'll get into the dress H&M/Primark drama in a second, but first let's talk about the actual challenge. Joe's lyrics were pretty good, but the way she performed them was just so at odds with the track. It's cheesy Euro pop, you know? I just feel like she could have done things differently. And then with the choreo...look I don't expect anyone to walk in being a great dancer and doing flips and splits and all that, but I just felt like she didn't even really try with the moves Ellie and Tia wanted to do. Maybe that was the edit, I don't know. I also feel like, as team leader, she could have found some solutions, like they could've had Tia & Ellie doing these amazing moves, and Sister & Joe could have done something more simple, or they could have found some comedy Joe could lean into while the others were dancing, but it just seemed like they didn't even try and find a way around it? It was just a bit weird to me.

And then she came out for the runway, and it was like chalk and cheese. Joe Black had by far and away the best runway look of the night. That's one of my favourite things that's ever been worn on UK Drag Race, it was amazing. But it was also like girl if you can do that, why were you wearing H&M during the main challenge? And like, I'd get it, if that dress was beautiful, or bold, or she'd used it as a base and done something to it, but it wasn't. It was so basic, and she even said she knew it was basic, and it didn't even fit her right. It was just so disappointing.

Honestly, I understand what Ru was saying about not wanting to see off the rack. I can't believe I'm about to be defending Transphobia Paul, but I actually kind of agree. And it's not about money, I don't think anyone has to spend loads of money to be a good drag queen, I think its just about it being a Look. A Moment. Like this is internationally available TV. And you're going to come out to perform in a dress off the sale rack that you just threw on and belted? I just find that disappointing. And I get what people are saying about Astina in week 1 winning with an off the rack outfit, but at least she did something with it. I mean, first of all it at least was a cool jacket. But then she built this outfit, and sold a character, she gave us an East London Moment, and it didn't matter that the jacket was from ASOS.

Joe didn't give us anything with that dress. She did nothing with it, and she didn't give us a character or a presentation, it was just an ugly dress. But then she came out in that incredible runway look, why such a disconnect? And I know that it was covid, and everyone had a loss of income, but girl the filming started before that. Like Joe should have already had the wardrobe for the season all ready before the lockdown. And if she didn't, she had 7 months to do literally anything with that dress. Stone it, glitter it, paint it, dye it, wreck it with bleach, make it a top, make it a jacket, do SOMETHING! You know? Also, that runway look? Idk if she made it or commissioned it, but baby that was not cheap. That took time, and energy, and effort, and money, so I'm calling bullshit on "maybe she could only afford a sale rack H&M dress 😔". Bullshit, Vivienne.

I was just so disappointed in Joe. I'm glad she went home.

5. Lawrence Chaney

I was worried for Lawrence this week! She's not known for being a singer or a dancer, and she was the only plus size girl in her group. As a big bitch myself I know it can be intimidating to be surrounded by thin people, especially when you're doing things you're not confident in.

But bitch she fucking turned it out this week! She wrote good lyrics, she kept up with the choreography, but most importantly, she performed the song. Like she leaned into not being a good dancer, she didn't look unsure or awkward, she just did it. I love that about Lawrence, she always just gives it her best, and I respect the hell out of it.

Her day at the seaside look was cute. It was a little bit obvious, a little bit literal, but it was well made, it fit her beautifully, and she looked fantastic. She did the assignment, and tbh I'm happy with that. She did a good job, and I'm proud of her!

6. Sister Sister

Honesly, the fact that Tia Kofi was in the bottom two when Sister Sister was right there is a fucking hate crime.

I genuinely forgot Sister Sister even existed. Like the only memorable thing she has done all season is her Morning Talk Show goth, and that was painful to watch. And she spends all her confessionals just bitching and moaning about other people! She spent the whole Talk Show episode complaining about Veronica and saying she didn't wanna work with her, but bitch what did you do?? If you think someone else is boring, you should have no trouble out shining them! And then she didn't!

I'm over it with her. Her performance wasn't that good, her lyrics weren't that good, and then her runway look was like the Wish version of A'Whora's.

I'm not totally certain that I buy that Sister stole it as a concept from A'Whora, but... maybe? Like, if Sister had really seen A'Whora's when they were filming the first time, and Sister had something totally different back then... I can see that maybe she thought "oh, thats a way better idea". All I know is, if you're gonna do the same look as someone else, you better leave them in the dust; and she didn't. She should have been lipsyncing this week.

7. Tayce

Tayce really pulled it out this week! Her rap was one of the best performances in the whole show, she killed it! Her lyrics were great, she really delivered them like a rapper, and them she performed the hell out of the song! Loved it. The only things I had to say about Tayce was that she seemed like the odd one out in the group in terms of outfits? Like everyone else went very Eurovision, cheesy pop pink, and she went with a very cool, edgy, darker look. Like, she looked stunning, and I looooved her hair, but it just didn't quite fit with the rest of the group. But that's a real nitpick, in terms of the actual performance, she was amazing!

Tayce's runway look. It was okay. It was a little bit literal for me, she went for shells and netting. It was cool, she looked beautiful, but it wasn't like a knockout for me.

8. Tia Kofi

Tia got a raw fucking deal this week. She was the best performer in her group by a country fucking mile, she had the best lyrics, she was the best rapper, and I think she looked the best out of the four in that group (during during challenge). I could not believe they put her in the bottom two.

Okay, her runway look was not great. It was a long way from great. But at least she had a unique concept (*cough* Sister), and she gave us some form of presentation. It could have been a lot better, but there was potential! I really wish that she'd had a much more defined look, I wish the skirt had been a high waisted pencil skirt, with some kind of cone-like texture somehow, really fitted and beautiful. And then I wish the top had been really big and over the top ruffles, maybe tulle, just something BIG. And that wouldn't have had to be expensive, you can buy cheap pencil skirts, she could have dyed one brown herself, and then she could have bought that cheap mesh that looks like tulle and made a really big rounded ice cream top out of it - I'm just proving my point about Joe Black and the off the rack thing now btw. But I wish it had just been a bit more considered than it was. And I also wish she'd had a flake head piece instead of a cherry, because when you buy those ice creams at the beach it's always a 99.

One thing I will give Tia's runway this week is that her face was stunning. I think that's the best her face has looked all season, the makeup was beautiful.

There was kind of a lot of drama this week with the whole off the rack thing, and then the A'Whora vs Sister Sister conspiracy, and I kind of loved it! I also really enjoyed this challenge, I feel like they've had much better and more interesting challenges on the UK series than the American one. Also UK Hun is going to be in my head for weeks.

I'm picking my top 2 of the season as Lawrence Chaney and Bimini Bon Boulash. Veronica Green would have been up there for me as well, it's a real shame that she got sick and couldn't finish this season! I really really hope they bring her back for season 3!

#drag race uk #uk drag race #rpdruk #a'whora #bimini bon boulash #bimini #ellie diamond #joe black #lawrence Chaney #sister sister #tayce #tia kofi #rupaul #michelle visage #graham norton

[piyoduki]

naeishi

This is just an essay (?!) about Naeishi and why I like them. I just want to dump my thoughts about them somewhere because I love them a lot.

... a very, VERY long essay, featuring lots of screenshots. I don’t expect anyone to read this but if you do, enjoy?!

1. They’re cute

Very important reason and self-explanatory. They’re cute. 

2. Ishimaru relates to Naegi

Everyone already knows Ishimaru has trouble relating to others and making friends. But Naegi is actually the person Ishimaru considers to be the most similar to him (even though Naegi disagrees).

Ehe.

And also, just before the second picture Naegi says this:

But in the end of DR3, what did Naegi do? Even though he’s just a ‘normal’ guy, Naegi managed to rehabilitate the remnants of despair and decided to rebuild the school. He even ended up in a leader position like Ishimaru once did. They are more similar than Naegi thinks.

3. Professor Naegi!!!

After Naegi teaches Ishimaru about the wonders of having a hobby (that isn’t studying), Ishimaru happily praises him as Professor Naegi. Which Naegi is embarrassed about for obvious reasons. But anyway, Ishimaru started to look up to Naegi on their first FTE and wants to learn more from him.

‘I didn’t totally hate it.’

Ehehe. The idea of Naegi teaching Ishimaru about his favourite games and shows while Ishimaru intensely studies them and makes notes is really cute.

But I really like their relationship because it feels like they both can learn a lot from each other. Obviously, Naegi can help Ishimaru make friends and help him loosen up a bit and relax, but Ishimaru, besides helping him study, since they actually have similar ‘goals’ (although Naegi doesn’t believe he’s capable of it), Ishimaru would motivate and encourage Naegi not to give up and to be more confident.

4. Ishimaru secretly likes Naegi’s fashion sense

In their second FTE, Ishimaru confesses to Naegi...!

That he likes his totally cool hoodie!! Ishimaru, who only wears his school uniform 24/7 and has ten sets of them because he’s poor thinks Naegi’s hoodie is awesome. 

(But does Naegi have any right to criticise him when he sleeps in his full uniform as well?! WITH SHOES?! I’m so disappointed in you Naegi...! At least Ishimaru takes off his uniform when he sleeps! Not to mention Naegi has another hoodie with the exact same design but with short sleeves... Maybe they can bond over their clothes collection, except they're all the same type of clothes...?)

But it gets even better, as Ishimaru comes up with a reason (excuse) to get Naegi to hand over his ‘incredibly stylish hoodie’. 

...He totally wants to wear it.

Naegi manages to give an equally ridiculous reason (excuse) to convince Ishimaru not to confiscate his hoodie, by calling it a hard hat. If only Naegi did give Ishimaru his hoodie, then maybe it could protect his head from getting bonked.  

Naegi really loves his hoodie and defends himself. But Ishimaru still insists that he hand it over eventually. Totally because he’s breaking some non-existent dress code and NOT because he thinks it’s stylish! 

5. Friendship (FTEs and School Mode ending)

On their first meeting, Ishimaru thinks Naegi has a nice name (Makoto can be read as truth), and Naegi thinks he’s annoying... but if you do his FTEs Naegi does grow to understand him and change his mind. After all, Ishimaru isn’t a bad person, while he can be harsh and strict he is not purposefully trying to push people away and Naegi understands that. 

I think it’s also easy for Naegi to relate to Ishimaru as well. Since he’s just a ‘normal’ student, and while Ishimaru is a very extreme example of an honour student, his life basically revolves around studying which isn’t exactly foreign to Naegi. And Naegi can see exactly what Ishimaru is missing - hobbies and a friend. 

Naegi softens his impression of Ishimaru once he realises he has trouble connecting with others. While he does not have the best grades, not a prefect, or in many clubs, Naegi has one thing that Ishimaru doesn’t and deep down secretly wants, and that is the ability to communicate with others and make friends. 

And while Ishimaru is a disaster in social situations, he is completely aware that his personality/words/actions push people away.

He also apologises to Naegi whenever he ‘gets carried away’.

And Naegi, being the positive encouraging friend he is, cheers Ishimaru up with his words. 

In the final FTE, Ishimaru invites Naegi to study with him, instead of forcefully dragging him to study together:

Rather than being all ‘eh I don’t really want to study’ like he would be at the start, Naegi asks if he doesn’t mind if he stops by... To Ishimaru, studying together is the equivalent of playing a game or watching a show together - it’s his hobby and he wants to share it with Naegi. 

Ehe. He’s very happy.

Naegi interrupts their study session because he wants to know more about Ishimaru’s hatred for geniuses. He’s genuinely concerned and curious about him...! Ishimaru tells him about his grandfather, and how he messed up his family’s life. After that, Ishimaru says he’s really happy to have met Naegi, because he thought he would be surrounded by geniuses in this school for ‘Ultimates’. They continue studying and Naegi believes they’ve become true friends.

...But that’s not all! In the Trigger Happy Heart event at the end of School Mode, Ishimaru thinks to himself:

He’s aware that people find him annoying, but he still wants someone he can talk to. And once again, Ishimaru thinks Naegi is just like him.

If Naegi picks the best option:

Naegi tells him it’s fine to just be himself and talk about whatever he wants. He doesn’t feel like he’s forcing anything on him. 

But Ishimaru is still worried that Naegi sees him as a nuisance. Ishimaru wants to be friends with Naegi, but he feels bad for talking so much and wonders if Naegi even likes listening to him... and Naegi reassures him that he considers them to be friends. Ishimaru still asks for permission because he’s unsure (and has never had a friend before besides him and Oowada in the main story, but in School Mode the sauna battle didn’t happen), and of course Naegi is happy to become a friend Ishimaru can talk to anytime.

Naegi doesn’t pressure Ishimaru into changing his personality to become comfortable with him, he likes him the way he is.

If Naegi picks the second best option:

Naegi reassures him that his feelings are valid. It’s basically similar to the best option but shorter. (And if you want to be a monster and tell Ishimaru he’s annoying and watch his heart break, you can pick the bad options but we all know Naegi is too nice for that.)

Finally there’s the School Mode ending:

Foreshadowing. :p

Ishimaru manages to compose himself after remembering what Naegi (and living trapped in the school) taught him. Also Ishimaru’s face gets really nervous when Naegi mentions ‘I have to believe this isn’t the last time we’ll see each other’... 

Naegi is possibly Ishimaru’s only friend in School Mode, so it makes sense that Ishimaru might be worried that Naegi would leave him and he would be alone again.

Naegi remembers his promise with Ishimaru:

He even does his signature pointing pose when he says it! And Ishimaru wants Naegi’s help to achieve his goal. Naegi is shocked because as he thought before, he doesn’t believe he can do something so grand like changing the world to one that rewards effort rather than talent.

Ishimaru reveals that he wants Naegi to become his partner. He trusts him so much and wants to work with him to change the country. (Meanwhile in DR3, Naegi’s trying to do something similar on a smaller scale...) 

‘I saw then that no matter what darkness might stand before him, he would shine through it.’ If only that were the case in the main game... 

6. In the killing game

They are both ‘good’ people who don’t want any killings to happen. Because of his personality, Ishimaru takes the lead and tries to come up with ways to stop any murders from happening (like the morning meetings to keep track of everyone, and saying naive things like ‘if you’re the killer please raise your hand’). Naegi is more passive and doesn’t take any sore of leadership role until maybe the last chapter, but they both are the type who can’t imagine their ‘friends’ killing each other. 

Oh, and Ishimaru does the forget forget beam to Naegi in a small conversation in chapter 1. Cute.

Sadly, after chapter 2 Ishimaru gets broken and Naegi tries to talk to him... somewhat. Ishimaru doesn’t respond to anyone and Naegi gets distracted by Alter Ego. Ishimaru does go to Naegi directly and asks him to let him meet Alter Ego (who he deludes himself into thinking is Fujisaki). It’s probably because Ishimaru does feel the most comfortable with Naegi compared to everyone else (since his bro is...). Naegi brings Ishimaru to Alter Ego despite Kirigiri’s warning (if you talk to her, she says that he might be dangerous but Naegi does it anyway). Also if you click on Maizono’s door, Naegi thinks to himself that Ishimaru must have felt the same way when he lost his bro, so he sympathises with him.

Unfortunately, Naegi (and everyone else) kind of forgets about Ishimaru when he becomes Ishida and runs away. If you try to talk to Ishida during Free Time, he just tells Naegi to go away because they didn’t bother to write any FTEs for him. Grumble grumble. Naegi is sadly too passive and doesn’t bother going after Ishimaru/da any further (he usually waits for people to come to him before helping). Ishimaru dies a lonely, quiet death justlikehisgrandfather and everyone worries about Yamada instead. And that’s the end of Ishimaru. 

------

Some random depressing Ishimaru thoughts that don’t have anything to do with Naegi but I wanted to include them anyway: 

• In the very first trial, the two people on either side of him died so Ishimaru is already isolated from everyone else in the first (!!!!) trial. (Naegi is one spot besides Maizono too.)

• Ishimaru and Sakura are the only dead characters who don’t show up in the small group photos Naegi finds in chapter 3-4. Sakura makes sense since she died in chapter 4 and the next photos are just the big group ones, but Ishimaru... It would be nice if they appeared in a photo together in chapter 5.

------

7. Angst potential

Did someone say ‘angst’? Naeishi has a lot of angsty elements. Of course, they’re in a killing game and Ishimaru dies. But Naeishi can have:

• Memory loss. It’s very likely that Naegi and Ishimaru could have been pretty good friends in their first year together, or at least close enough that Naegi didn’t feel annoyed by him anymore (like through his FTEs):

That last sentence has a nice translation. So when they forget everything and get thrown into a killing game, it’s pretty sad to think about them forgetting everything about each other and becoming distant. And it’s even more painful if Naegi got his memories back afterwards and realises he did nothing to save him... 

• Unrequited feelings. Yeah. This can work both ways. Naegi or Ishimaru feeling like they’re not good enough for the other...

• Guilt. Goes with the first one, but if Naegi had kept an eye on Ishimaru even when he became Ishida (and when he needed someone to help him more than ever...), maybe he could have saved him? Or at least let him know that SOMEONE else does also care about him, just like his bro. Anyway Naegi feeling guilty is tasty.

• Happiness doesn’t last. For some reason there are a few comics where Naegi and Ishimaru hang out and do some happy thing (like Naegi showing Ishimaru how to play a game), and promising to show him more, or something like Ishimaru promises he will beat the game before they graduate. And then it ends with Ishimaru falling into depression and eventually dying while Naegi is helpless... Their promises never got fulfilled.

8. Wholesome?!

Anyway, because I don’t want to end it on a depressing (?) note, Naeishi is just... very soft. Ishimaru really wants to become Naegi’s friend, and he’s awkward about it, but you can tell he really enjoys Naegi’s company. When he talks in his FTEs, Ishimaru is really excited because he’s never really had this kind of conversation with another person before (just talking with someone normally is new to him). While he can be judgemental and set in his opinions, it’s possible to change his mind as long as you give a reason that he can accept (like games helping you make friends and the hard hat hoodie). And Ishimaru does get bothered/guilty when he realises he might be forcing his opinion on Naegi, and apologises, because deep down he’s worried of what Naegi thinks about him. He doesn’t want Naegi to dislike him.

Naegi knows there’s a lot more to life than just studying and school, and he feels bad for Ishimaru. So he tries to help him, and share his own opinions, and Ishimaru realises that he has a point and wishes to continue learning new things from him. At the same time, Naegi admires Ishimaru and thinks he’s a very strong-willed and dedicated person. While initially he finds Ishimaru comes off kind of strongly, he slowly understands why he is the way he is and ends up enjoying spending time with him, even through studying. 

In conclusion, Naeishi are very good. I like how their relationship progresses gradually and naturally, I like how their personalities complement each other, I like how painful they are... I like how they are (relatively) normal, or how they have some things in common (school) and can relate to each other, and how they admire aspects of each other. I love them a just a bit. Thanks for somehow reading/skipping to the end. Have a cute pic from the anthology as your reward: 

#danganronpa #naeishi #naegi makoto #ishimaru kiyotaka #long post #text post #in the brain there is only naeishi- #shsl ishimaru essay writer #that's me #fish thoughts

[great-kobold-library]

We Make a Family Ch.2 (SFW)

Toshinori started Monday morning with a renewed vigor, and everyone noticed it. He assisted Aizawa with Class 1A outdoor training as usual.

"You look really happy today All Might, did you get lucky this weekend? Who's the lucky lady?"

Mina Aishido asked him. She had a bad habit of being nosy, and loved drama. She didn't start it, but if there was drama around, she wanted to be among the first to hear about it.

Toshi chuckled and said,

"No and No, I'm just in a good mood because I slept well and had a great breakfast, so I feel fantastic."

Ashido accepted the explanation with a pout to her lip. Aizawa scolded her for stopping her training to pester All Might. She apologized and went back to what she was supposed to be doing. Around an hour later while the students were about to head back to their next class, All Might stopped Izuku.

"Hey Izuku, meet me in my office for lunch. There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

Izuku looked quizzically at him.

"Okay, sure. What do you wanna talk about? My training?"

Toshi shook his head.

"No, something else, but we'll talk about it then, alright?"

Izuku still had his eyebrows wrinkled up in confusion.

"Alright, see you then."

He ran ahead to catch up with Ida and Ururaka.

Toshi watched him walk away, once again lost in thought.

Aizawa noticed him acting strangely.

"Hey….something going on?"

He asked.

Toshi looked at him, silent for a time.

"Do you remember when we had to talk to parents about the students living in dorms?"

Aizawa nodded.

"Yeah I remember, what about it?"

Toshi took a deep breath and exhaled, not sure what his reaction would be.

"Well, I personally spoke with Izuku's mother and convinced her to let Izuku live in the dorms and continue studying here at UA. Before I left, I gave her my number to contact me if she had questions or needed anything."

Aizawa listened quietly, waiting for him to continue.

"Friday night she texted me, said she wanted to meet with me about Izuku's progress in school."

Aizawa looked confused.

"Izuku's doing just fine in all his classes, so I'm not sure what the problem is?"

Toshi realized he needed to elaborate.

"No, there's no problem or anything bad, just the opposite actually."

He laughed nervously, and Aizawa looked like he was beginning to understand.

"We discussed Izuku and his schooling over dinner, but conversations changed, and we ended up having a really good night. I wanted to see her again, but I thought better of it, so I was just going to let it go. She texted me after I got home that she couldn't stop thinking about it, and that she wanted to see me again. I told her, I felt the same. We're trying to plan something out for this weekend."

Toshi realized he had slowly developed a big grin on his face as he recanted the story.

Aizawa raised his eyebrows and had a faint smile.

"You seem really happy, so I'm happy for you. I hope for your sake that it doesn't drive a wedge between you and Midoriya. There's no denying that you're a father figure to him, everyone can see that but...that, and you actually dating his mom, are two very different things. Kids react poorly to that sort of thing sometimes. He might think his mom is trying to replace his dad with you. He might think that you're crossing a line trying to be his dad when you aren't. You might get this idea in your head that you'll all end up a big happy family, and I'm worried for you that this won't end well."

Toshi's face fell and he looked down. Aizawa noticed that he looked genuinely hurt. His expression softened.

"Look uh...I didn't mean to be harsh. I just think you-"

Toshi cut him off,

"No, thank you. I need the reality check sometimes, you're good for that. I'm taking it slow, I don't want anybody to get hurt here. I need it to be the right thing to do, for everyone involved."

They started walking back to the teacher's break room together.

"So….how do you plan on figuring out how Midoriya would feel about you being with his mom without pulling the rug out from under him?"

Aizawa asks. Toshi remains silent.

Aizawa nodded. "That's what I thought."

Lunch time comes around. Toshi ordered a couple of sushi boxes for the two for lunch and waited in his office for Izuku to arrive.

"Oh, you got sushi boxes for today, thank you!"

Izuku says, taking a seat across from Toshi at his desk.

"You're welcome."

Toshi says. They both start eating.

"So….what did you want to talk about?"

Izuku asks.

Toshi sets his chopsticks down.

"Your mother and I had a conference this weekend."

Izuku put down his chopsticks just as he was about to eat another piece.

"You did? Is….everything okay? I thought my grades were good? If not I'll work harder, I promise!"

His voice raised near the end. Toshi chuckles.

"No, your grades are fine, kid. Your mom wanted to talk about more than grades. How you're doing at school, friends, adjusting to the dorms, that sort of thing."

Izuku relaxes.

"Oh, I see."

And starts eating again.

"What I wanted to talk to you about is something she told me during our discussion that I found...a little upsetting."

Izuku stopped eating and looked up at him again, looking a mixture between concerned and confused.

"She told me you don't visit her that often anymore."

Izuku looked incredulous.

"That's it? That's-"

"This isn't a joke Midoriya."

Toshi interrupted.

Izuku falls silent, Toshi lowers his voice.

"Your father passed away when you were little, right? And your family never owned any pets. Now that you've moved into the dorms, your mom is….she's all alone in the house. She said you used to visit every weekend, and so it wasn't so bad, but now you hardly ever come by. She knows as I do that it wasn't intentional, but that maybe you didn't think about it from her perspective. I don't want you to tell her I told you about this. I only want you to start visiting her on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be every weekend, every other weekend would probably be fine with some exceptions here and there. There's nearly another month before the end of first term. Summer's coming soon, and I'm sure you'll be living with her again for it, but I want you to remember this for the second term."

Toshi could see it in his eyes that Izuku was genuinely hurt, and felt very guilty. He looked down in shame.

"I had no idea she felt that way...I can't believe I didn't even think about it."

Toshi looked softly at him.

"It's okay. She knows you're a teenager doing teenager stuff, hanging out with your teenager friends."

Izuku chuckles a little.

"She knows you're growing up, becoming independent. That can be especially hard for a single parent. She just needs to know that she's still a part of your life, that you haven't forgotten about her."

Izuku puts on a small smile, nods and thanks him for the advice.

They finish their food, and Izuku leaves to get to his next class. Toshi wishes he tried talking about the other things relating to Inko, but he has no idea how to broach the subject. Probably best to see how the second, er, first OFFICIAL date with Inko goes.

He thinks about having an actual date the coming weekend, and feels giddy with a childlike joy.

Toshi and Inko start texting each other throughout the week, learning a little more about each other with each conversation. Toshi starts a game of 20 questions with Inko on Friday night for the main purpose of figuring out her favorite kind of flower in a subtle way. He buys a bouquet of them in preparation of the date Saturday night. They're going to a small concert of one of Inko's favorite local bands in the city park. Toshi wasn't big into music, but it still sounded like a wonderful time.

It was finally Saturday night. Inko had a band T-shirt on paired with a casual long black skirt and her hair tied up. Toshi wore a nice pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt. When they first met up, Toshi handed her the bouquet of flowers. Inko adored them.

Even when the sun went down, the park was still bright with the light of the full moon, the concert lights and the sparkling of fireflies in the park. However, to Toshi, there was no brighter light within view, than the way the lights twinkled in Inko's eyes as they danced, and sang, and laughed. Eventually the concert was over, and the band packed up and left, but not before Inko got a new shirt and had it signed by every member of the band. The pair decided to take a walk around the park and enjoy the rest of the night in the peace and quiet and cool breeze of the summer air. At one point as they walked, talked and laughed, Inko's hand touched his arm, and slid down both expertly and subconsciously until their hands folded together as they walked. They both blushed, one not noticing the either. Toshi wanted to acknowledge it, but feared embarrassing her, so he just enjoyed it and let things be. They eventually came to a nice park bench close to the edge of a lake in the middle of the park. They took a seat and looked out over the lake and watched the moonlight reflected in it. Inko shivered, then curled up into Toshi's side. He tentatively put an arm around her, and she relaxed further into him, putting her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head over hers. They sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence.

"This….was an amazing night. I...I don't know how to put it into words."

Inko broke the silence.

Without looking Toshi responded,

"I feel the same. Sometimes things….can't be put into words."

Inko was silent for a moment before responding.

"Do you want to know how many dates I've been on since Hisashi died?"

Toshi was caught off guard by the question.

"Uh, sure...how many?"

She chuckles lightly.

"Two"

Toshi thinks for a moment.

"In around a decade you haven't had more than, three, maybe four dates total? You're wonderful, I can't imagine why-"

"No, silly!"

Inko interjects.

"When I said two, I mean only two."

Toshi starts putting it together in his mind.

"Do you mean….last weekend, and today?"

He was looking at her now.

She looks softly at him.

"Yes...just with you."

Toshi looks shocked.

"Only me? Why?"

She has a gentle smile on her face.

"Well, it's not like I couldn't GET dates. I just didn't think I could ever feel again what I felt with Hisashi. He was a wonderful father, such love and kindness in his soul. After he was gone, I put all my focus on Izuku."

She looks up at the moon.

"But then….I don't know. You remind me of him. Izuku is so much like both of you. I thought for a long time that dating again would feel like I was betraying Hisashi, and Izuku. I've been thinking about it lately. I think Hisashi would want me to be happy again, even if that means being with someone new. As for Izuku, well, I can only hope that above all else, even his own personal feelings, that he just wants me to be happy."

She takes Toshi's hands in her hands and looks at him.

"That he would want us to be happy."

Toshi is speechless.

They stare at each other for a while.

He lifts his left hand out of hers and brushes her hair behind her ear, then slowly leans forward.

Inko smiles and puts her hands on his chest. He pulls her in, his arms around her waist, and they kiss. The kiss is fairly short, but sweet, and powerful.

They grin like happy idiots afterwards at each other, and hug.

Inko checks her phone.

"Oh dear, it's a little after 1am!"

Toshi looks shocked.

"Is it really that late....er I guess….early?"

Inko giggles.

"Yeah, haha. I think it's time to go home."

She says, a little sadly.

As they start to walk back to the parking lot, Toshi puts his arm around her waist and pulls her close to his side, then says in a playful voice,

"Oh, if only the night lasted forever."

Inko started giggling.

"Oh stop it, you're a hopeless romantic!"

They both giggled, and began swapping silly and cliche pickup lines and giggling about them as they made it to the parking lot. Toshi walks her to her car. She gets in the driver's seat and looks up, a little sad to have to go now.

"Text me when you get home safe, okay?"

Toshi says. Inko nods. As he's about to close the door, Inko throws her hands out to hold the door open and says,

"Wait!"

Toshinori is in shock from the unexpected outburst and jumps back. Inko gets out and stands to face him.

"One more….before I go?"

Toshi looks confused, then smiles as he figures out what she means. He pulls her gently close into an embrace, and she places her hands on either side of his neck. They kiss, this one longer, sweeter, and more passionate than the first.

"Goodnight."

Inko said when it was over. She untangled herself from him, then got back into her car.

"Goodnight."

Toshi replies.

He shuts her door for her and steps back. He watches her car pull out and drive away, and he keeps his eye on the shape of the car until it disappears into the distance. As he drives home, he cranks his radio loud and feels the music rush through him. He never felt more alive in his life until this moment. He sang along to any songs that came on that he knew the words to at the top of his lungs. Of course he wouldn't admit it, not now, it's too soon, but he knew that he couldn't deny it to himself.

He had completely and utterly fallen in love with Inko Midoriya.

#my hero academia #my hero fanfic #all might #GKLStories #GKLFandom