#and why do i feel like that about being trans | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fuctacles · 3 days

Text

A tale as old as time

For @subeddieweek Day 7 | M | 2696 | cw: age gap (about 25-30y difference, Eddie's age is not stated, Steve's aligns with canon) | camboy Eddie, transmasc Eddie, kinda sugar daddy Steve?, modern AU, simp Steve, virgin Eddie, chatfic, pre-anything, gray ace Eddie | Ao3

"Hawkins High '86? How old is this guy?" Eddie asks himself, his eyebrows raised. There is a letterman in front of him, a gift from one of his top subscribers. Hell, his top subscriber. His number-one fan, who was responsible for about half of his revenue.

He's opened a PO box recently, with no little amount of worry about what kind of stuff he might get. He only gave the address to his top subscribers but he knew that the ones with the most money were usually the most unhinged. He went to the post office with his heart in his throat but all he got was a set of lingerie, a toy, and the letterman he was now holding.

He tried not to think about what kind of people would pay for his content. As long as he was making money he didn't care. But now he got a piece of one of them in his hands. Staring back.

1986.

Meaning the guy must be nearing 60. Double Eddie's age.

He tries to imagine that. An older guy, with wrinkles, maybe a beer belly, a gross old t-shirt, and his hand permanently in his sweats, beating it to his photos.

It was gross. And in a way, alluring.

Though someone with so much money to spend on a camboy must have a well-paying job. Some rich asshole, exploiting others to do the work for him. That's a more likely scenario. He tries not to think about big, rough hands on him when he puts on the jacket and takes pics for Shar.

He edits them a bit before sending them, knowing the guy will get a kick from seeing him in his jacket. The appeal of wearing your boyfriend's letterman eluded him in high school, but being claimed like that gave him a heady feeling. The fact that the guy could be his father apparently worked for him too.

He doesn't put his phone away fast enough and sees the message that pops up.

Shar: So hot. You look like every repressed teen jock's dream

Shar: Definitely like mine

Eddie thinks a moment about his response, channeling the persona he takes on for the camera.

PuppetOfMasters: Would I be your dirty secret?

PuppetOfMasters: Would you fuck me in the locker room behind your girlfriend's back?

Shar: I'd make YOU my girlfriend

Shar: Wait no

Shar: NOT LIKE THAT

Shar: A girlfriend but in a manly way

Eddie snorts.

You're good, he types. I know what you mean, don't worry.

He wouldn't keep around someone who didn't respect him. Besides, he made it clear he's saving for a transition with his Only Fans.

Thank god, Shar types. I respect who you are

Shar: In fact, I spend so much money on you because of it.

Eddie rolls onto his other side, his mood souring. One of those trans fetishists, then. That's fine, as long as he's being respectful and paying... Even if it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth.

Ah, a connoisseur! Well, I hope I'm your favorite tranny, then, he jokes. He waits for an answer, but it doesn't come for a long while, so he flips his phone screen down and turns away, hoping for sleep.

A response is waiting for him when he wakes up.

Shar: I guess it sounded that way, but I'm not that kind of pervert. You're the only trans sex worker I follow, but not the only trans person I've sent money to.

Eddie sauntered to the bathroom, not taking his eyes off his phone. He wonders if continuing the conversation is even the right move. He's talked to one too many guys who thought sending him a dick pick was okay after ten minutes of small talk between a content creator and a fan.

But he's kind of curious. When he has money to spare, he sends some change to other trans folks to help out, because he knows how hard it is from his own experience. But why Shar, a seemingly loaded old guy, would spend his money on queers instead of, let's say, starving children?

PuppetOfMasters: So you're just an ally with cash? Or is there more to it? I'm curious.

He goes through his morning routine, washing his face, and brushing his teeth, not expecting Shar to get back to him any time soon. So he's surprised when he picks his phone back up and a response is waiting.

Shar: Long story short, I hope my father is rolling in his grave while I spend his inheritance on people he hated so much.

That's not what Eddie expected at all.

PuppetOfMasters: So I'm a means of rebellion against your bigoted dead father? I'll take that. I hate rich assholes

Shar: Me too

They don't talk for the whole day after that, but when Eddie's done running errands and editing in the evening, he looks back at the letterman hanging on the door of his wardrobe.

How is sending me your letterman an act of rebellion? he asks. Because he's a curious little shit.

The response comes fast like the guy is glued to his Only Fans chat. Gross. Eddie wonders briefly if he's talking with other sex workers there.

Shar: A souvenir of his precious high school fetishized on a queer ssex worker? He'd die if he hadn't already

So it is a fetish thing! Eddie smiles triumphantly at his phone.

Shar: Okay, fine

Shar: Sticking it to my father is just a bonus for you being really hot.

Shar: And I do love seeing you in my letterman, I've jerked off to it three times already

Shar: is that what you wanted to hear?

Eddie grins, rolling on his bed.

PuppetOfMasters: Yes

Shar: So yeah, I'm an old man who peaked in high school, laugh it up

PuppetOfMasters: I'd rather you peaked in me

Shar: Insufferable

Shar: Menace

Shar: Yeah, I'd love that. A man can dream, right?

Eddie bites his lip. How far is too far? The guy seems genuine and after the amount of creeps that's been chatting him up, he thinks his creep radar is quite good. Tentatively, he starts typing.

PuppetOfMasters: I don't know. I think people would like seeing me get railed by an older guy

Shar: An old guy, you mean

Shar: You'd make a video with me?

PuppetOfMasters: I record most of the sex I have, yes

Shar: Huh. I've never seen one before, then

PuppetOfMasters: warm, warmer

Shar: ... There aren't any?

PuppetOfMasters: din ding ding! ya boy is a virgin

Shar: shit

Shar: fuck

Shar: that's so hot

Shar: you'd let me?

PuppetOfMasters: Would I let my best-paying subscriber be my first time on camera? Probably

Not necessarily to be released but he couldn't lose the possibility of such golden content in case it was watchable.

Shar: I'd better keep my spot then. Just in case.

PuppetOfMasters: No worries, you seem the most trustworthy so far anyway.

But as he types it, a new notification appears. Shar sent him a hefty tip on one of his photos.

PuppetOfMasters: That's really not necessary

PuppetOfMasters: But I hope your father is kicking and screaming in his coffin

Shar: I fucking hope so

----

It takes Eddie another day to google Hawkins High's yearbook photos. He'd thought about it before but didn't want to break the bubble of anonymity between himself and his fan. But the thoughts of big hands on his hips, and beard rubbing against his neck, took root in his brain and were tainting his mind.

Not fully in tune with his body and distrustful of others, Eddie has been single for most of his life. And now his stupid horny brain was drooling at the thought of losing his virginity to a grandpa on the internet.

Hoping it would help his thoughts calm down, he looks through the photos from the year 1986, in search of a Harrington. And he finds him.

Steve Harrington. Basketball captain and swim team co-captain. His hairdo was magnificent and his smile was self-confident. Eddie would hate him in high school. Should probably hate him now. So he expands his search further, beyond the Hawkins High memory lane.

He finds one single photo on a LinkedIn profile.

The current Steve Harrington's hair is no less magnificent, just peppered with silver. He wears glasses now, which accentuate the line of his jaw and make his neatly trimmed facial hair pop out. He's wearing a yellow jacket and a white golf, which should be hideous but weirdly, works for him. Eddie doesn't get to see his eyes, unfortunately. The photo looks like a candid photo shoot take-out after someone told him a joke. His head is tilted down, eyes scrunched and lips pulled in a smile, as a bubbling laugh got immortalized on camera.

Eddie shouldn't be finding a sixty-year-old man this endearing.

PuppetOfMasters: I like your LinkedIn photo

PuppetOfMasters: Well, I hope it's you.

PuppetOfMasters: Steve, right?

He can't forget about this for the whole day, not as he budgets his income, and especially not when he records a short video jerking off in the shower. He tries not to look at his phone but it's his only one, so he does while trying to budget in a second one, just for sex work. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so insane about not getting a response from a stranger who is an old pervert spending loads of money on him.

He tries to be normal when a chat notification finally pops up.

Shar: If you saw the golf and yellow jacket photo, that's me

Shar: though please don't make me type my full name in here.

no worries, Eddie types back so fast he should be embarrassed. It's a good photo.

Shar: Thanks. My best friend took it

PuppetOfMasters: Your friend has a good eye

Shar: I'll let her know

Shar: I'm surprised it took you this long to search me up

Eddie's surprised too. Usually, his curiosity would take over him sooner.

PuppetOfMasters: I tried not to pry. But I had to in case we were gonna meet up one day

Shar: So you were serious?

Shar: I've been wondering if you sweet-talk all your followers like that

PuppetOfMasters: Only the ones that don't send me dick pics

Shar: I knew holding back would pay off

Eddie snorts at his phone.

Though I might need one before we meet up, he types. Gotta know what I'm working with

Shar: Right. Of course

Shar: So how would that work?

Eddie hasn't thought about it this far.

PuppetOfMasters: I need to read about OF's policy on collabs. Never had to before, since I work solo. Would probably have to hire you, well, sign a commission/gig contract or something like that. So it's all legal and shit.

Shar, Steve, doesn't answer for a long while, and it might be the end of his devirginizing journey. Well, if the guy doesn't want to make this legal, put his name on some paperwork, then he isn't trustworthy, and that's the end of it.

It's half an hour later and Eddie's bitten all his nails off trying not to follow up with any messages and focus on anything else when an answer finally comes.

Shar: Sorry my friend was bothering me

Shar: this sounds more complicated than I anticipated. So I would be like, a co-creator, then?

PuppetOfMasters: Precisely

Shar: Holy shit okay

Shar: Thought I'd be you know, less involved

Though you could hit it and quit it, huh? Eddie scrunched his nose. What was he getting himself into? Gods.

Shar: If that's what you wanted I'd take it

Eddie shouldn't be blushing over this one. It's like he's throwing the man scraps and he's licking them up.

PuppetOfMasters: Simp

Shar: I am what I am

Shar: With that said, I'm willing to make it work. Do all the paperwork you need

PuppetOfMasters: Doing paperwork just to fuck me? so romantic

Shar: I suck at paperwork so my friend would be doing it anyway

Shar: If that's okay

PuppetOfMasters: I think it's best if someone looks it over, yeah

Eddie hesitates for a moment.

PuppetOfMasters: That friend doesn't happen to be your wife?

Fuck no, comes the immediate response

Shar: I'm perpetually single and she's as gay as they come.

PuppetOfMasters: Good. Wouldn't want to be the other girl

Shar: If I had the chance you'd be the only one

PuppetOfMasters: Jesus.

Eddie squeezes his legs together unconsciously.

PuppetOfMasters: Stop sweet talking me, I've already agreed to fuck

Shar: But we haven't signed anything yet. Even then, I'll keep sweet-talking you. It's what you deserve.

For the first time, Eddie thinks he might not survive their meeting. And not because of the possible killer scenario. Thankfully, Steve gets back to business talk.

Shar: How would this work, legal stuff aside? Do you script this?

PuppetOfMasters: Do I look like I script shit?

Shar: I'm not the one with Only Fans

PuppetOfMasters: Fair. I think we could just set up cameras and do whatever we feel like. Then decide together if the footage will be released or not.

Shar: Sounds reasonable

Shar:When would you want to do this?

When?

Eddie hasn't thought that far. In fact, he felt like he hadn't been thinking for the past couple of days.

I'm the sole god of my schedule so I'm open to anything, he types evasively.

Shar: I have some time off next month, could fly to wherever you need me

Next month seemed close. Extremely close. Or maybe it wasn't? He never worked with anyone before. Hell, he didn't even have that many friends to meet up with.

Next month works I guess, he answers despite his nerves.

Shar: Wanna face time before we start the legal work?

His nerves escalate, making his mouth dry. He reminds himself he's done this before, he's on camera all the time.

PuppetOfMasters: Like, right now?

Shar: Yeah?

PuppetOfMasters: Ok, give me five minutes.

Eddie shoots up, checks himself in the mirror, and finds a good angle for his phone to set up. He lowkey hopes Steve picks up with his dick in the frame so Eddie can block him with a clear conscience and forget about the whole thing. When six minutes from his last message pass, he hits 'call'.

"Hi," Eddie squeaks when the video connects. Steve Harrington's arms are in the frame, crossed on the desk, and toned where he's leaning on them.

"Hi," he greets him with a dazzling smile.

It is the guy from the photo, so at least he's not being catfished. And he has none of the creepy simp energy Eddie feared. He's just... a guy. It's both a relief and a disappointment.

"Well?" the guy asks.

"Well, what?" Eddie frowns.

"Are you disappointed? Am I too old?"

Eddie looks at him properly. His hair is lighter on the sides, but not grey yet, and the video quality doesn't make any wrinkles stand out to him. Maybe some worry lines, crow's feet if he squints. He looks like he keeps in shape, too. Eddie wouldn't call him old. Mature, maybe. A DILF slowly transforming into a Silver Fox.

"You look fine. Good. You look good. Attractive," Eddie fumbles with his words and barely stops himself from facepalming. This is why he mostly texts.

Steve smirks at him. And holy shit, a dude twice his age smirking at him shouldn't be doing things to his body.

"You sure? You're not gonna block me after we hang up, are you?"

Eddie shakes his head.

"I stand by our plans. You're passing my creep radar so far, but uh..." He scratches his cheek nervously. "I'd like to keep in touch in case, you know. A red flag pops up. I hope you get it."

Steve nods, his expression growing serious.

"Absolutely. We're strangers, after all."

"Yeah." Eddie nods, relieved. It would give him ample time and opportunities to back out.

On the screen, Steve leans more on his arms, closer to the camera.

"So I think dick assessment is next on the checklist?"

Eddie might not even survive video calls with this guy, after all.

#subeddieweek #sub eddie week #sub eddie munson #cj x subeddieweek #mine #steddie #cw: age gap #camboy au #modern au #transmasc eddie munson #this story got away from me as soon as it started #i just wanted to write some online domming but no #some mmmm older guy touching me???? kinda hot #b u t NO

178 notes · View notes

downbadspanishlad · 3 days

Text

WARNING: Some of the following content may be slightly triggering due to discussion of abuse and trauma. Please don't read further if reading about that stuff could possibly hurt you! You're valid!

Masculinity in Baldur's Gate 3:

As a trans guy who didn't have with friendly male rolemodels growing up, the male companion characters in Baldur's Gate 3 mean so much to me.

While Astarion is clearly my favorite, I have a huge amount of love and appreciation for all the companion characters (male and female). But it's the several types of masculinity the male companion characters have that offer something for male and/or masculine folks like me to aspire to (in some way or another).

Disclaimer: I've unfortunately not had the time to interact much with Minsc, therefore I won't be including him in this post, but he seems like a lovely and cool dude overall, so please don't take his absence as a sign of me not liking him.

Astarion:

Astarion's interest in murder/violence and being mean are definitely not something to aspire to, but I do understand why he does what he does. His trauma is no excuse for his actions, but they do explain a lot.

I really like Astarion mainly due to how he is as a masculine character and how he's portrayed as an explicitly queer, slightly effeminate man with trauma.

In terms of being "explicitly queer," I mean this clip from this video:

As someone who doesn't neatly fit into the stereotype of being a trans man, let alone the expectations of what it means to be a "real man," Astarion's effeminate nature is something I deeply appreciate.

(Note: That's not me trying to insinuate that trans guys me aren't "real men." It's solely about commenting on how men who are gender non-conforming in any way are told they're 'not real men').

He's very theatrical in his demeanor, and it's one of the things I love most about him. He's hilarious, he's fun, and he's able to be the way he is without being shamed and emasculated for it. I grew up + live in an area where being as theatrical and fun as Astarion is something that can get you shamed or even physically hurt for not being "man enough" in that way.

As someone who exists somewhere on the bi/pan spectrum, I've loved seeing how the ladies of the BG3 fandom are totally chill with Astarion being pansexual. As a man with the capacity to find people of all genders (including women) attractive, I've often felt very insecure in my masculinity for being queer and "not masculine enough."

Guys like me usually get dismissed as being "only gay." That our sexuality isn't a real or valid thing, and that we're "lesser" than straight men because of our ability to find love with people regardless of their gender. Being feminine, in any capacity, as a man is a very terrifying thing due to the shame and violence we can experience for daring to be ourselves.

And I don't want to equate my trauma with anything Astarion has been through (especially as someone who isn't a survivor of sexual violence), but I do find a lot of comfort in how Astarion's trauma is dealt with in his story.

So long as you (the player) treat him with the respect and dignity he deserves, Astarion is never shamed or made to feel "less than" for his trauma. The story of his trauma is treated with proper respect and care, and I absolutely love that.

He makes me feel less alone and weird for how my own experience with abuse has left me with inner demons that I've yet to overcome. Like him, I experience night terrors due to my trauma. It's a very scary thing to deal with. And as a man, it makes me feel very small, ashamed, and pathetic. But seeing Astarion go through it and not having that be something he's shamed for is something I deeply appreciate. I know he's fictional, but seeing a character as cool as him going through that too makes me feel less alone and weird for it.

Wyll:

Wyll is a close second favorite character of mine. He's just an awesome, epic, badass guy! He's the kind of man I aspire to be. He does everything he can to help others, he cares deeply about doing what's right, he's a huge nerd/dork, and he's got the biggest heart amongst the companion characters (which says a lot in my opinion since he's got Karlach and Halsin as stiff competition for that category). He's very cool and lovely, and I really hate seeing how underappreciated he is as a character.

I absolutely love the meme of people saying that Wyll was the only origin character to dust himself off and head back to doing what he was doing before to get kidnapped and infected by the mindflayers. Man is too selfless and rad to take a break from helping the tiefling children how to fight.

I do want to give credit for this meme to this cool dude called Azeem (aka blackpurist).

As well as this post here on Tumblr.

Gale:

I'll admit, I didn’t really care for Gale at first. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that this dude is (most certainly) on the spectrum. That's not a canon thing, but I absolutely believe that he is. Not a bad thing either (and I say that as someone who is also autistic). Honestly, realizing that many of his traits are autistic recontextualized certain things about him and helped me like him way more.

I really appreciate how straightforward Gale is as a communicator. The dude puts everything out in the open, for better or worse. He has no ulterior motives and does his best to make his intentions very clear. Love him or hate him, Gale is a dude you're not afraid of (unless you're a bad guy or something).

I also appreciate how passionate the man is about the stuff he's dedicated his life to (magic, which is most certainly his special interest). Gale is also very kind and open-minded, a good example of this being what he has to say about Astarion's vampirism. Gale's not my favorite guy, but he's an absolutely chill dude, and I'd totally be his friend if he were real.

Halsin:

So long as you save him and the Emerald Grove, Halsin is totally chill with you from the first moment you meet him. He's very kind, upfront, and non-judgemental, which is pretty cool.

I also really appreciate how much he cares about consent. Halsin is polyamorous, and if he expresses romantic interest in the player character and the player character happens to already be in a relationship, he makes sure to not pursue anything without the expressed consent of both the player character and their partner.

I know caring about consent is a bare minimum thing to do, but unfortunately there are still a lot of people irl who don't care about it which is why I greatly appreciate how Halsin (and also BG3 as a game) treats consent as an essential, inherent part of romantic and sexual relationships. Very cool, indeed!! 😎💖🌟💫

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #halsin #wyll ravengard #astarion #gale dekarios #masculinity #trauma #gender shit #astarion bg3 #wyll bg3 #halsin bg3 #gale bg3

64 notes · View notes

old-school-butch · 12 hours

Note

Hello again <3

I sent you an anon that you replied to on April 1st, which was me asking how ex-TIFs are received back into womanhood. Your reply gave me a little foothold which ended up very comforting as I started coming out rapid-fire to all my friends as detrans. this is primarily a message for other people in my situation, who are afraid and might want a template of what you might expect will happen once you do come out with it.

Predictably, most of my friends dropped me; I've 3 friends left. Two of which continue to support trans people but can accept that i have different opinions (as long as i'm "not mean") and one of which has seen the gender critical arguments, accepted them, and agrees. So, heavy losses, but not total losses. My two siblings seemed to sigh in relief and reveal that they never believed in genderism at all, which is odd, because in my 10 years of being trans not one of them challenged me on it. my mom fell into heavy guilt over "letting me" do all this, although i was 18 when i took testo and 19 when i got surgery, so she really could not have stopped me, legally. i suppose she mainly grieves knowing that had she had the right arguments she could have saved her kid this, but i've told her she is not to blame and i hope she recognizes that.

i haven't received any real harassment, not from anyone that i PERSONALLY know, though my family has received... harassment targeted at me? my sister had a classmate begin sending her copious pro-trans propaganda (contrapoints videos) which she instructed should be sent onward to me (sis did not comply). hilarious how my 10 years of direct experience is suddenly null and void and i'm assumed to know nothing about transness.... 6 months ago i was helping people sensitivity-write trans characters. now, i'm told i can't speak for the trans experience at all, and that i do not know what it's like to be a transmasc person. told that i need to listen to the arguments more carefully, that i don't LISTEN, when i literally lived this for 10 whole years. girl, on god? they tell me i don't get it and need to educate myself. and have empathy of course.

but in general, detransing, i've discovered that there are PLENTY of people who do not actually believe in genderism but who will play along simply out of fear or social pressure. my friends aside, who i knew through "queer" circles, everyone in my family (expect my mom) has revealed they never actually believed in it. i think this might contribute to why trans people bully dissenters so badly. they know this is the truth, that no one really buys it. i think, subconsciously, i have known that too. i never downloaded grindr, i never went into the men's bathrooms. i knew that despite testo and surgery and pronouns i could never challenge men as an equal in their eyes.

interestingly, making new friends is not that hard. I lead with the fact i'm detrans and "don't believe in all that shit" and people are VERY eager to be able to, suddenly, voice their real opinions without being called transphobic. they begin with probing questions, uncontroversial statements like "i agree they shouldn't put males in women's sports..." but if you continue to agree and not punish this daring on their part, they will reveal, with much relief and enthusiasm, what they really think. most people, normal people, really do not believe it all? i'm a brash person and can take irl confrontations quite well, hence i feel safe putting myself up as a transphobe off the bat. and people are very into this. so. the old ass saying, just be yourself.... normal people will not volunteer anti-genderist opinions on their own but when i continue to state thing after thing they open up and agree and eventually feel safe enough to admit their own thoughts. making friends, especially with non-gendie women, hasn't been that hard.

i'm going to write another message about same-sex attraction in the genderverse, but it's also a can of worms so i will make it separate from this one. again, thank you so much, for having anon on and listening, and letting us listen to each other without fear. i would hug you. to be continued

Thanks for the follow up!

My only comment is that I think most people play along out of kindness, it's not all bullying and fear, but that does impose a silence on everyone so everyone feels quite alone with their doubts.

51 notes · View notes

garden-ing-gnostic · 2 days

Text

Can we PLEASE stop talking about "hurting the image of the community" or "giving the community a bad name" or "[insert group] is unwelcome in the community" or "TRUE RADQUEERS don't support [insert group]" and literally anything like that.

That's respectability politics. You are trying to make yourself look better to the oppressor by throwing others under the bus. No matter how many (trans/cis*)harmfuls or scary abusive pro-cs or conabusive relationships or creeps or freaks or nasties you throw out or reject, we will look bad. We will NEVER "prove ourselves" by destroying ourselves.

We will look bad because oppressors do not give a flying fuck about who or what we do. We will have a bad name because we will always be the "bad guys." We will always be creeps, freaks, nasties, abusers, and every other thing you accuse your fellow community members of being. The ONLY THING that they care about is demonizing the target group. Don't make it easier for them.

Even if we could somehow get rid of all the "bad radqueers", guess what? They'd go after the "good ones", they actively go after the good ones right now. And the audacity you all have, condemning antis for spitting venom all day long, and then turning around and saying the exact same shit is genuinely embarrassing. The fact you are accusing others of being abusive, bigots, or whatever else does not become good because you are saying it.

Not to be confused with cishateful as in like,,, jk rowling*

Repost of something from yesterday,,, idk why I wrote this in this manner when I dont remember feeling particularly angry but idk its smart bcz I'm gr8. Istg if that rq confessions post this ask I. Might just explode actually it'd be so embarrassing and impatient of me!!! But it's OK my impeccable Rizzoli will balance it out

#rqc 🍓🌈#rq 🍓🌈#pro rq 🌈🍓#radqueer 🍓🌈#pro radq #radqueer #pro radqueer #radq #radqueer community #radqueer please interact #radqueer safe #radqueers please interact #🌱 jade posting

43 notes · View notes

cum-villain · 2 days

Text

I think we don't talk enough about the inherent deception that goes along with surviving as a queer person.

Because, for a trans person, if you go by your birth gender, you're lying about your name. If you're gay, you always have to lie about seeing your crush as at most a friend. If you're aspec, you have to lie about not having interest in others in 'that way'. If you're a mixture, it gets even worse, like a closeted gay trans man "tricking" his boyfriend into being in a queer relationship. Just existing as queer requires either lying or risking getting hurt.

And if you can't face lying to others, you can't help but lie to yourself. No, it isn't a lie that I like that person of an opposite gender, I actually do like that person, I'm just nervous. No, it doesn't make me feel bad as a totally cis guy to wear a suit, I'm just uncomfortable with the tight tie. I'm totally not queer, I totally am an honest person.

In these contexts, lying isn't a negative thing. It's a way to protect yourself, and really only hurts yourself. But I think this is why we push people, especially teens and celebrities, to come out so much; being closeted is a lie, and obviously since we all learned being a liar is bad, isn't it right to stop lying as soon as you realize you're lying?

But like I said, lying isn't always negative. Being a liar is better than being dead, and the queer community needs to come to terms with the fact that lying isn't a sin for us, it's the only reason a lot of us haven't been murdered by now.

#braincell posting #queer

50 notes · View notes

marcelshorjian · 3 days

Note

hi. I saw your coming out post. Big congratulations!!!!

I, bittersweetly, relate very much. I'm 23. I started suspecting I was trans around 15/16. I can generally repress it for a good long while (a couple months at a time), so the dysphoria comes in waves of "oh I can tolerate this forever, it's fine, its not that bad, they're just words/names/pronouns."

I think I am very soon reaching that point of "oh god this is inevitable, and I can't live as a woman anymore."

But I also know I have successfully bottled it back up when feeling like this before. And likely will again because I'm about to go into my first career, corporate job.

If you can even answer this... how did you get to the point where you felt ready to come out publicly?

Congrats again, truly.

Hi there! I usually don’t publicly reply to the more personal messages I get on here, but yours really struck a chord with me. Thank you so much for sending it.

I know what you’re going through. I have been stuck in similar patterns for many years. I started suspecting I was trans when I was 15, asked my closest friends to be called by a male name and pronouns when I was around 19, but only decided to transition medically and publicly this year, at 26. It takes time.

Every year I would get an intense few months of feeling like I needed to transition, but always decided against it, for the very same reasons you named. Feeling like I could survive just like this. Feeling like if I could do without it, then it wasn’t something I had to « put myself through ». That it also wasn’t something I had to put others through. I intellectualised it to the point of finding many material reasons not to do it, focused on my fears and the vulnerability it would bring, just to occlude that very simple question: what do I want?

Delaying doing it, thinking it’s fine, it’s just a discomfort, is because you’ve lived with it for so long it doesn’t register as pain anymore. But it is pain.

Why should you settle for survival? Why would stating what you want be selfish? What are you really putting others through? Some tweaks in the way they address you, maybe some confusion and questions they’d never asked themselves before, that can only broaden their understanding of human complexity. The hostility often comes from defensiveness, but it's not your problem anyway.

You don’t have to do it all at once. Hormones can be started, stopped, picked up again. The changes are gradual. You don’t have to come out to everyone right away, just a select few you trust. But you’ll see, freedom is addictive.

I got to this point after years of unease by being around my amazing trans friends, and seeing them thriving and caring for each other, and them telling me: you love us like this, so allow yourself the same grace.

#answered

42 notes · View notes

justslowdown · 2 days

Text

Accidentally peeked into a radfem cesspool of people angry about trans fem people making videos about their transitions, discussing the changes they've experienced on HRT. Wonderful folks who are helping inform about the spectrum of what may happen.

Just really nasty shit being said because these trans women and nb people are "perpetuating harmful stereotypes about women" and "justifying misogyny" when they discuss things like changes in emotional states they personally have experienced.

Sometimes life-saving ones.

"Allergic to testosterone" is what one of these trans creators said, which got me thinking about my own long term experiences with HRT, on the other side of things.

And I realized I've seen transmasc and nb people on this website make the exact same accusatory arguments when people on T are honest about their individual changes.

And I just think there's a BIG space between transmedicalist assholery, and complete denial that hormones do anything besides changing your visible characteristics/voice/etc.

There's a sense on this site (or in my corners? I avoid online trans discourse like the plague though, it's been like, ten years since I came out, I'm tired......)

that if your mental and emotional state is different on testosterone, you're having, what, a psychosomatic response to gendered stereotypes? That you're justifying men's behavior now that you benefit from misogyny. Or that you're newly enabled to express your anger, now that you have a masculine social role, and that's why you're experiencing it differently.

Sure, let's talk about the roles those things may play in our own individual experiences. But while we do that, let's maybe...... not be so vitriolic that people like me are afraid of saying a word about our own lived experience on hormones.

I was on low dose T for years, off it for a couple years due to isolated life circumstances, now back on it (still low dose) for coming up on a year soon. It is at least partially responsible on a physiological level for changes in my mental functioning, and in my experience of anger and activated emotions vs self-contained emotions. I am grateful to feel anger, now, as hard as it's been to learn how to handle.

Pretending otherwise or keeping quiet doesn't help anyone. Talking about it so even one person won't be as caught off guard as I was... might? But I sure as hell won't be saying anything more public than this because of the response I've seen others get. Again: I'm .... tired.

...

People assumed I was a man in that middle chunk of time when I had an estrogen dominant system but had already experienced voice change and facial hair.

My social experience was different from my physiological one.

If all the emotional and mental changes I felt between being on and off testosterone were attributable to social positioning and misogyny...? that middle chunk of time wouldn't have been the outlier in between when I was on T, in terms of ability to feel anger and some other complex emotions I really don't have the vocabulary for.

And in terms of my literal ability, full stop, my ability to just not have thoughts for a moment. When my system is estrogen dominant, I have sleep disruptions because of racing thoughts--when I'm on T, there's a quiet flow place I can sometimes access. It reminds me of that "allergic to testosterone" thing, but in reverse.

My mental state requires this hormone to function how I need. This isn't about gender and hasn't been since my voice changed. I'm just. fucking tired of keeping quiet about that so I don't sound like a transmedicalist. Who are complete dipshits and just flat out wrong, if that wasn't clear. But again can we PLEASE open up that middle ground for discussion......?

25 notes · View notes

racharii · 2 days

Text

coming from an enby whos tme (tho i myself am not transmasc), i feel like a lot of transmasc people are doing this "have their cake and eat it too" thing where they want to be perceived as men or men adjacent, in our society a part of the oppressor class, while also still wanting to benefit from structures meant to protect against said class. specifically ones that have been set up in queer spaces. ive met quite a few trans men who were just as vehemently misogynysitic as your average dude bro. and (this is speculation based on convos ive had with trans men im not in every transmascs head) a lot of transmascs have a lot of internalized misogyny that they project onto trans women. ive had an irl ex friend of mine say something that i think encapsulates this particular issue fairly well. this was like 8 years ago, we were talking about trans rep in media (specifically orange is the new black iirc) so im paraphrasing; 'its messed up that we (afabs in this context) are sidelined for people who used to be men, we cant escape the patriarchy.' that was horribly transmisogynistic, so lets unpack it.

it assumes that trans women are just men

it assumes sex essentialism, that they and i were just women. that we were just poor Females having 'our space' encroached on by mean 'former men.'

im not saying that all transmascs think like this ofc. #notallmen. im saying that some do, and enough transmascs have internalized misogyny and not enough self reflection.

just because you are trans doesnt mean you are immune to bigotry and recouping oppressive structures. none of us are free of Sin™️. you as an individual have to make an effort to reflect on your thoughts and actions and how they might affect yourself and others, so that you are not a willing participant of our communities oppression.

for example, ive talked a lot privately about my journey to being a better person, (and pobodies nerfect, its always a learning process, you always will have things you can improve on. and thats okay, were all just human) i initially hated it/its pronouns. 'it' gave me the ick. i was called 'it' as a kid incessantly to make fun of my gender presentation, i couldnt fathom someone else finding peace and even euphoria in using it/its. i bought into the conservative talking points about neopronouns and it/its being detrimental to the trans community. they were "the bad transes" and me? well i use they/them but shakespeare used the singular they so im fine :), im one of the good ones. then one day, i was listening to some video essay idr what or who, but something they said stuck with me, "if it/its makes me happy, why do you care? how does 'it' hurt you really?" my trauma is not everyones trauma, people will find comfort in things that i wont, and thats okay. 'it' hurt me when i was young, by cruel kids and uncaring adults. why am i hurting my community, my fellow transes, by continuing to deny them their autonomy to identify how they like? so i got over 'it.' i saw the real harm was the fucking wedge being driven between us by conservative grifters trying to pick off the weakest in the herd before they go in for the rest of us.

visibility isnt necessarily a good thing for marginalized people. transfemmes are the biggest target of hate in our community atm. they unfortunately serve as the canary. global fascism is on the rise and to be frank, a targeted hate campaign against a trans woman is asking for her to be killed. outed, paraded as a freak, doxxed, swatted, killed. protect trans women, fascism doesnt stop with one group nor will you be saved by being "one of the good ones." trans solidarity, even the people you dont like, even if you think theyre icky or gross or whatever the fuck else you do Not give up trans solidarity. you dont make callout posts, you dont send death threats, you dont send hate mail, if you dont like someone Block Them and move on.

we stand together or we will be eradicated.

#sorry this turned into a rant about impending fascism #but its all connected #rach rants #real cut a liberal a fascist bleeds vibes here recently #also im not proof reading this so sorry for typos #trans

20 notes · View notes

cressthebest · 2 days

Text

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 18

chapter 32:

1. SCREAMING!! ITS BARTY!!

2. also, reg waking up and asking for james, even though it’s been MONTHS freaking hurts

3. “"Lovely. Genuinely, nothing pleases me more than being a thorn in the side of the hot ghost that lives in your dreams."” -barty

4. “"I do so love when you demand I come lay beside you through the night, mistake me for another man the next morning, and then immediately kick me out afterwards. Truly, you know how to make a man feel special."” -barty LMAOOO HES SO FUNNY

5. the arena took the comfort of baths away from reg and i will forever be angry

6. i love barty and reg’s bickering 😭😭😭

7. plssss not barty thinking reg needs to have more orgasms 😭😭😭

8. 😟 why is james coming by to see reg through the window every day so heartbreaking???

9. OMG OMG OMG IM CRYING CAUSE THATS SO SOFT!!! every single day, james leaves something at reg’s doorstep, and every single day, reg rushes to the door to see the flower. and he presses it in between his books. that’s. AHHHHHHH

10. AHDKAHDKDJKSKDKS MARY!?!??????? MARY IS HERE?????

11. james can’t help chop firewood for his dad anymore because the hatchet reminds him of the arena 😟😟😟

12. james is a little shit about his leg and i love that

13. AWWWWW SIRIUS MADE JAMES A CHAIR TO GET UP THE STAIRS ON DAYS WHEN HIS LEG IS BAD!!!!

14. “"Flea, be a dear and spit in my mouth," Effie says.” ADJKSHDKSKS

15. shit shit shit shit i’m sobbing. sirius started building things again

16. 😟 sirius made jegulus a bookshelf for their other life

17. i’m glad orion and walburga are scared of sirius and regulus. i also wish sirius would just throw them out to the curb

18. 😧 riddle is here. fuck fuck fuck fuck

19. god bless sirius black and his skills at conveying important information with so little words

20. 😟 the horcrux hornet. i can’t deal with this shit

21. riddles a fucking bitch and i can’t wait for him to die. (psa, i am not a fan of violence and i do not indorse murder. however, as this fictional character is worse than satan, i am looking forward to his murder)

22. i love that parents try not to let their little kids watch the games (basic humanity amiright?) also! the fact that the kids treat james like any other adult and don’t know the horrors he committed

23. “Regulus could have been Hodge, if Sirius didn't volunteer for him.” 😧 that’s vile

24. james still using his cane >>>>>>

25. TRANS MARY SUPREMACY!!

26. james losing track of where he is when he sees a horcrux hornet makes me want to cry

27. the coffee question pissed me off

28. 😧 sirius talks to the moon in order to talk to remus. i-

29. as always, i’m in love with the authors notes

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #fanfic #sirius black #crimson rivers #starchaser #sunseeker #mary macdonald #effie potter #euphemia potter #fleamont potter #barty crouch jr

27 notes · View notes

existencebringsonlypain · 1 day

Text

Wrote a fic. it's about kris realizing they're enby and subsequently coming out to the Holiday sisters and Azzy. naturally, they do not know they're enby beforehand, so there will be misgendering and their name will be spelled differently, but their internal monologue still uses they/them, so don't worry too much.

fuckin,,, enjoy ig

oh also it's on ao3. I made a whole ass custom work skin for it, so now if you don't like the deadnames you can just turn them off

Chris reached up to adjust their horns, having knocked them on a tree limb on accident. They were beginning to regret taking a walk with Azzy and their Holiday friends, they'd had to finangle with their accessories constantly, even unhook their shirt a handful of times.

"Eeek! My skirt!"

They were faring better than Noelle, though. Maybe it just came with having long, flowy clothing, but she just about managed to get tangled up in every stray branch imaginable.

"Shoot, and that one's brand new, too," Dess lamented, feeling the newly-torn hole in the skirt area of Noelle's outfit. "That's what you get when you ask for a long dress despite knowing you trek around in the forest all day."

Noelle whined. "But I liiiike this one!! Long skirts feel nice and I don't have to worry about being immodest around Mom!"

"Oooo, does it spin?" Chris leaned in with a grin. Hehe, that rhymed.

Noelle giggled, twirling in place once they reached their clearing. The skirt billowed outwards, and she squeaked as she stumbled on her hoof from the spinning. Dess caught her in time, fortunately, but Noelle was still laughing dizzily in her arms.

Chris flapped their hands with fervor, enraptured. "That's so cool!! Why don't I have any skirts, Azzy?"

Azzy frowned down at them. "Well, for one, you'll trip like Noelle just did, no doubt. But also, skirts are girl clothes, and you're not a girl."

Dess elbowed him. "Hey, he can wear whatever he wants! Just 'cuz skirts aren't really guy clothes doesn't mean he can't wear 'em."

"Well, yeah," Azzy argued, "but it'd be kind of weird, yeah? He's little, I don't think he really knows what boyhood entails."

"Well, Noelle knew, and she's only a year or so older than him. Most trans kids'll know something's up at that age."

"But Chris isn't trans!"

"You don't know that!"

Both Chris and Noelle looked up at the bickering teens with wide eyes. After a moment, Chris leaned over. "What are they talking about?"

"Oh, uh. I guess you didn't know me then, did you, faha. You know how I have antlers right now even though Dess doesn't?" After a nod from Chris, Noelle kept going. "That's because I wasn't born a girl. When I was younger, people thought I was a boy, like you, but it felt wrong, and when I told people, they started talking like I was a girl, and that felt much better. So I'm a girl now!"

Chris blinked. "Huh? Did they just get it wrong at first, or...?"

Noelle shook her head. "No, they got it right. It's just... Hm. Okay. I know what you look like, but mentally, in your SOUL or whatever, you just... you FEEL like a boy, right?"

Chris just stared at her for a substantial amount of time. "No? Isn't it just my genitals?"

Jumping, Noelle blushed furiously and covered their mouth. Chris pouted under her fingers, giving her the most wet cat expression they could muster, but she shook her head again. "Shhhhhh!! Don't say that so loud!" she whispered loudly. "That's inappropriate! But no, there's a mental part too. If you were in a body with... The other... parts, would you feel weird about it?"

"Nnnooooooo??" They tilted their head at her. "Not any weirder than it normally is."

She paused. "Huh?"

"I don't know, I just kinda wish I didn't have any of that. It's weird, people put me in all these weird boxes. I don't like it, I'm just a person."

Noelle looked down, thinking, before turning to Dess and tugging her arm to get her attention. "Dess? What's it called when you don't wanna have a gender?"

The argument between the teenagers was put on hold for a moment as Dess glanced at her. "Don't wanna...? Well, anyone can not want their gender, mostly because of how people think of said gender, but people who don't have a gender at all are nonbinary. Or, agender, but that's just a kind of nonbinary. Why?"

Chris craned their head to look at her before pointing at themself. Noelle followed suit, pointing at them too. Their neck hurt from looking up. Everything hurt all the time, it was annoying.

"You're saying that describes you?" Asriel piped in. Chris nodded at him.

After a moment of silence, Dess spasmed and whirled toward Azzy, pointing. "I KNEW it! I TOLD you! HA!!! TWENTY BUCKS!"

"Titan damn it- You sure you're getting this right? Would you want us to use neutral pronouns for you? Do you want to be a they?"

"I don't really... What?"

"I don't wanna give Dess twenty dollars."

Chris looked over at Dess, who was still celebrating with herself, and grinned. "Then yes."

"TITAN DAMN IT." Azzy fished out his wallet, sifted through it for a moment, then slapped down a twenty into Dess' waiting hand with a sigh. She cheered, making Chris giggle. "Don't tell me we're changing your name, too, you liked this one."

"No promises," they jeered. To be honest, they didn't really care all that much. But they're glad they they could be out of the obligation that was "boyhood", that was nice. And maybe they'd always thought of themself with the neutral words that they use for people they don't know. And maybe they wanted to mix things up with their name a little, too.

But it's just one more weird thing about them, and they're a weird person. And they like that, they think. Noelle was weird, even weirder than they realized, and Dess and Azzy were weird too. And they were pretty cool, so maybe Chris was too. They could get behind that.

"This is my friend, Chris Dreemurr. They're nonbinary, and they like chocolate. My little sister is good friends with them. Oh my god, I get to call you an enby, that's adorable. This is the best. Your queer is infectious, Azzy, they're not even related to you and they're enby. This is the best."

They smiled. This felt right. In a multitude of wrong-ness that surrounded them, covering their skin instead of fur, this was the one thing that felt correct.

Maybe they could be Kris Dreemurr this time.

16 notes · View notes

tariah23 · 11 days

Note

oooooo white people in my replies really saying ‘I can excuse racism but I draw the line at homophobia’

Not surprised since this is the site that only talks about racism and thinks it’s a big deal when they see it demonstrated in the cartoons and comics they like *coughs* dungeonmeshi *coughs* (for example at least. I haven’t seen THIS many white ppl talk as in depth about racism on here as much as these fandom nerds, man. I stg. Like “Ohhhh, so you all DO acknowledge that racism is real? Just not in real life even if you could feel it slapping you in the face at high speed. Gotcha.” It’s crazy.

Tumblr is like, 90% white and is extremely centered around them. That’s why you barely see stuff that’s important to black and brown people ever trending here or being talked about. It has to be something incredibly huge to the point where even white people can’t ignore it like they usually do, to talk about it here.

They only talked about George Floyd here because the topic of his death became world news. Even people in other countries were talking about it. Before him, it was probably Ferguson and Trayvon Martin… most of them are still trying their best to ignore the genocides because it’s a “touchy subject.” What do you expect from white people who live in their own bubbles of comfort and refuse to pop it with a needle??? They find comfort in their privilege and faux ignorance (they love playing stupid to avoid conversations about important things outside of fandoms like, are these mfs born with half a brain dedicated to fandom or what.) That’s literally all these mfs make a big deal out of, especially on this annoying ass platform. The ao3 mfs will go to war for the site that allows racist ff and cp like it’s no big deal. I wonder how many people here even donated to the site while actively scrolling past dono posts from folks who really do need help. They act like they’re doing a civil service by defending this site that makes over the amount of it’s intended dono goal in minutes.

Then you already know as soon as you even bring up racism in the stuff they like, they start ganging up and harassing black bloggers especially, calling them TERFs and the whole nine. Anything to make that person look bad for being concerned about the racism that they have such an intense aversion to. God, it’s absolutely exhausting knowing that these people would have no problem choosing a cartoon character over your entire existence if they COULD. Isn’t that fucking sad, man?

#:(#it’s like what can you do #as a black person I get why sm black bloggers here have ‘don’t follow me if you’re white’ in their bios #they’ll call it racist or whatever (it’s fucking not you guys just treat black ppl like shit here and most of us feel unsafe to interact #with y’all. you guys always turn on us at the drop of a hat)#i remember commenting on a HS post funny enough years ago #because the punchline of the post was literally the white mfs saying nigga #and I was so annoyed that I told them off and one of my white mutuals unfollowed meanjsjsjsl #like right after that #and another unfollowed me because I talk about racism and the like a lot like this is a really well known artist too so I was like 🧍🏾‍♀️?#because I talk about racism a lot??? it’s weird lol #like they’ll tolerate you for a while then when they feel offended they start to act weird and act like you’re not supposed to talk about #the stuff that effects you #tkf replies #karmelarts #they don’t give a shit about anything if it doesn’t personally Involve them #they act like they can’t relate to anyone or anything it they aren’t marginalized themselves (being gay or trans which they treat as a #personality trait)#notice how you never see movies/ shows about black and brown ppl trending here? it’s always white centered shit no #matter how hot and popular that show might be #you’ll never see something like the wire snowfall or power trending here #all of the black ppl are on twitter anyway so #sm black ppl got ran off of here by annoying white ppl

312 notes · View notes

thepoisonroom · 11 days

Text

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

101 notes · View notes

uncanny-tranny · 1 month

Text

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically...#...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better?#and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had...#...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

123 notes · View notes