#and why does it cost more to rent at my university

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting a material thing rather than an experience for my college graduation gift, and being upset I still don't have it?

I skimmed through some other AITA posts to prepare me to write this one properly, and saw someone use the term "validation bait." I bring that up because I fear this post may read like that once all is said and done, but I genuinely am worried my perspective might be skewed. I encourage you to enter "Reddit Mode" if you decide to reply after your judgement with additional context and feel the need to be blunt.

Background context: I have an older sibling who graduated before me during the beginning of COVID. While his gift was delayed as a result, we as a family (three children one father) ended up going to Disney World, NASA, and Universal Orlando in 2021 to celebrate his accomplishment. It was a great trip, aside from the horrific humidity and the hurricane that just barely missed us. Later on, I asked my sibling if that was what he actually wanted to do, and he said our father proposed some ideas because he didn't really have any and Florida sounded like a good idea to him. My asking this will make sense later, but putting it here seems the most logical.

Additionally, it may be important to know that my father goes on a lot of trips. At least, more than anyone I've personally known. I'm not gonna try to calculate the exact number, but I will say in the span of less than a year (after the family Florida trip), he went to both Canada and Mexico for a week each, on top of additional excursions to Florida and Vegas-- almost all also including bringing his girlfriend. At the same time, he claimed assistance with college tuition was out of his budget, started having me pay rent on a part time job, and told my younger sibling fixing the AC in their car would cost too much as well. Even I know something doesn't add up here, but maybe I'm taking it too personally. End background context.

Fast forward to spring of 2023, and it's my turn to graduate college. Here's the thing: my brother was asked at least a year in advance to his graduation what he would like to do. I wasn't asked; I had to bring it up myself, and I waited until my graduation was only two months out. It was also over a phone call, because my father was out of town for at least the fifth time that year already. I dropped the hint that, for my graduation present, I would really like to get a nice gaming desktop. My father's response was, "... We'll see." Later on, he elaborated through text stating, "I took everybody to florida because i think graduations should be more about memories than what material thing you can get out of your dad."

Here's the thing: it's no secret to my dad that I'm a gamer, and I like video games. Additionally, it's no secret that a gaming desktop is something I have wanted for a decade. Even since middle school I've talked about gaming desktops and how much I wanted one. Even so, I happily played games like Saints Row III on a laptop that chugged along at 12 frames per second and took every crash in stride. I also thought that this kind of gift would be a relief to my dad, as my thought process was it would be far less expensive than taking an entire family somewhere out of the state for a week. Not only that, but there wasn't really anywhere I wanted to go. I don't have the desire to travel like he does; I don't mind taking my time off at home or locally, and relaxing with the things I have rather than spending a ton on a fancy dinner or hotel or concert.

So, naturally, I was confused, dismayed, and heartbroken. While I started crafting a text response explaining why a gaming desktop would not just be for personal use, but would also be advantageous for my career (my degree was in animation and I learned surface level coding for making video games), I also wondered why it was wrong for me to want a "material thing" even if it wasn't something necessarily "useful." Because while, yes, a gaming desktop would have the power I needed for more intensive animation projects, that wasn't really why I wanted one. But I figured explaining as such would help convince my dad why it was a good idea.

My dad ended up calling me before I could finish crafting my text, so I did my best to explain my standpoint, as well as pointing out how the specs for a gaming desktop are pretty much parallel with the specs for a desktop for things like 3D rendering and animation. He stood his ground on "making memories" as well, and also hinted that I was acting entitled for asking about my graduation present. I think I pointed out to him how he asked my older brother far in advance what he wanted for his graduation, but those details of the conversation are a little faded with time. I did end up sending my text after that phone call anyway, as I felt it better explained what I was thinking and feeling than I could say in verbal conversation (I've always gotten a little flustered talking to my dad about things I want that he doesn't approve of).

Fortunately, after reading my text, my father seemed to come around, and invited me to put together a list of parts for my computer, since I wanted to build it. I got really excited and got the help of my computer-savvy friend to put together something I thought was reasonable-- it had a really good graphics card and processor, and I made compromises on some of the other parts to lower the cost. I haven't looked at the list in a while, but the total cost-- tower, two mid-range monitors, basic keyboard and mouse-- was something like 2.5k approaching 3k. Mid range (at least, it is these days) I think, but it would be enough for the things I wanted to do.

I put the list together, and emailed it to my dad. The assumption I had, was he would purchase the parts, and then we would build it together (or I would build it alone). However, later on I went to ask him if he had gotten my email, and while he said yes, he also said, "I'm not paying for the whole thing. I can't afford it, and it's not fair to spend more on you as an individual than what I spent on your brother as an individual for the Florida trip."

I find the latter point somewhat fair considering I'm the only person who benefits from this gift, but the first point, given the background context on my father's habits, I'm not sure how much I believe. But arguing with him would have been pointless. I definitely would have liked to have had that information beforehand, but it ultimately didn't change much.

This is getting long, so I'll try to summarize the rest. This was just the first instance of my father changing the goal posts for my graduation gift. First, he tried to convince me that getting a prebuilt tower would be just as good. I did the research, and a tower with the graphics card I wanted would have cost as much as building my own tower and buying a monitor, keyboard, and mouse, and still not have been as good in other specs anyways. Then, he tried to tell me he was only going to give me $1000 towards the computer. I pointed out paying for my older sibling for the Florida trip would have cost at least $1500-- if I hadn't done the research, I wouldn't have known any better and just blindly agreed. Then, two days after my graduation, he stated that he wasn't going to give me the money for the computer until I had secured a full time job.

At that point, I just gave up, and agreed.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working the part time job, I barely make enough to put a couple dollars into savings, no one is hiring me full time, and my dad hinted that, instead of doing presents for Christmas this year, we all agree to go on vacation somewhere. Not only that, but his family in Canada just told him they're going to Mexico in November. Not only is my dad implying we should go too and I should pay a portion of my own way, I have a further feeling he may say that this will be our Christmas as well. I still don't have the computer, even though my dad has noticed how much I'm struggling.

If I had the computer, I wouldn't have minded the vacation-- but I feel like my wants and feelings have been completely pushed aside in favor of what my dad thinks is good and/or right, and the wind has been taken out of my sails regarding my graduation entirely. On the other hand, maybe he's right that I focus too much on a material thing and should redirect my attention to an experience and go somewhere to relax/get away from daily life.

Am I a materialistic asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[nazmazh]

Not that I speak for my whole generation, let alone GenZers too, but man...

My parents and their friends are such fuckin' Boomers(TM) about certain generation differences.

It's all "Nobody wants to work", "People want too much money for too little effort and that's why nobody likes hiring them."

And, like. Just... Ugh.

Trying to explain things to them from the point of view of someone who gets lumped in as "one of them damned Millennial socialist-types" (which, I mean, I am, but still - my points don't stop existing because of that) or what have you, would be like trying to explain particle physics to a brick.

They just utterly cannot wrap their heads around the idea that things have changed in significant ways.

That even with consumer goods being cheaper, the costs of living, especially establishing yourself when you're young have gone way up - Rent/housing, vehicles, food, maintenance, loan payments, etc. - God forbid you actually want to start a family on top of all of that.

While wages effectively decrease more and more, especially relative to the amount of actual productivity generated.

And that with that, a lot of the "stay late, put in 110%" mentality (while being toxic and fundamentally just being free labour for employers, which we're all more conscious of as being, well, shitty for us workers) - That stuff isn't a nicety that'll make you stand out and look good for an employer come promotion-time. It's just expected or outright demanded of you. And when it comes time to promote or at least give raises? Nah - They'll nickel and dime and hem and haw about giving their own workers more money or less duties - They'll just bring in someone who feels more exploited somewhere else - And then turn around and complain about disloyalty when their employees leave for greener pastures in the same way.

And we're all a lot more conscious of the ill-effects of too much stress and poor work-life balance, so we try to push back against being overworked and burnt out where we can (That being said I absolutely do know people my age and younger who willingly get into that "grind mindset" and I worry for them. Like, are they actually getting enough money to meaningfully get ahead? Or are they just working themselves into an early grave for no real benefit?)

It's no longer the "just walk in, shake the manager's hand, work in the same place until retirement and comfortably make enough to buy a house and raise your kids through university with your partner being a SAHP." world anymore.

Like, the Boomers just don't get that we're in a situation where working harder doesn't translate to meaningful improvements for our lives.

To the point that it feels impossible to meaningful get ahead and achieve "milestones".

And when you're stating that down, expecting it to only get worse because of policies Boomers voted into place and by-and-large continue to vote into place. And that this is the expectation of how your life is going to be for the next 40+ years- It does lead to a sort of crushing, existential despair.

And if that doesn't break you just a little bit, well you're probably doing a lot better than a lot of people.

So there's two approaches that emerge from that (and they're not mutually-exclusive):

The first is just to check out. "If this job isn't gonna pay my bills no matter how good I do it, I'm just gonna do enough not to get fired."

And honestly, there's always been people like this in the workforce. The Olds are just mad because "How dare someone young not hop-to when they ought to!" They'll complain about useless coworkers of the same age too, but not with the same vitriol. Not with the same disdain. And they won't dismiss the whole generation as "lazy" or worse because if them.

The second strategy is to embrace what you can - Enjoy our many frivolous things. Toys (including recreational vehicles), games, computers, phones, streaming services, makeup, clothes, good food, whatever floats your boat. Because, as I said, those sorts of things are relatively less expensive these days.

Because if you're gonna never really be able to get a house, no amount of cutting back on avocado toast is gonna change that. And there's no point in denying yourself little joys indefinitely to aspire to it.

And this offends The Olds, because, 'how dare you have conspicuous consumption of any kind of you complain about not being able to afford rent or a mortgage?!". And back in the day, maybe you could save a meaningful amount if you cut back on little luxuries, and it would make enough of a difference to get you into a house/whatever your goal was notably sooner. And it'd only mean tightening your belt for a pre-determined amount of time - Not in perpetuity.

And of course, that's assuming you have the luxury of disposable income at all. I know I'm relatively privileged with an MSc (even if disability means I can't work, myself), let alone any university, so my friend circle is largely similarly privileged. There's plenty of people - Both younger and older than me - That can't even cut back on luxuries to save, because there's no money going to luxuries, period.

I guess the shift is that even things that used to guarantee you a "good, middle-class life" aren't really guaranteeing that anymore.

The kicker is that they too complain about life being shitty, work sucking, etc.

But then when anyone proposes that maybe the whole system is broken and we could rethink it?

Well, now that's outrageous! "How dare you be so ungrateful and not just pull yourself by your bootstraps you lazy slacker?! And why bother trying to change things? Just get sloppy drunk every night at the bar after work or something like that. That's how we've always coped as a society!"

I don't know if I ultimately have a point or solution to any if this, beyond, like, a total societal shift in the way we approach labour compensation and property commodification.

I just needed to get this ranting out of my system after holding my tongue at the table, several hours ago at this point.

Because as much as I disagree with their whole approach, down to their utter lack of empathy for those suffering in a world they helped make, there wouldn't be anything meaningful for me to actually gain by engaging them on their misinformation in the heat of the moment.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to look up the difference between a fermion and a boson for a conversation I'm about to have with a paving stone.

#generation gap #ugh... Boomers #ramblings and rantings

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

for the fic writer asks: 3, 15, and 18!!

3: What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

oof, there's a lot. i'm very longwinded and i hyperfixate easily, which is a recipe for fics that take a long time to make and then never gets made. 

the all stars:

bucky barnes designated driver au: a personal fave, no idea if i'll ever write it in full but i hope i do. bucky barnes, fresh out of hydra, ends up stumbling into hell's kitchen and meets its devil. matthew murdock has an air of such good natured, reckless stupidity that usually manifests in a violent back alley street fight that it punches through decades of hydra programming because jesus christ, this man is terminally, dangerously stupid. why is that so familiar. this is one of the most chaotic things i've ever come up with and i love it with my whole heart. it's one of my favorite peter parkers i've ever come up with in it. he's so feral. may is where he gets it from. she is in a polycule with frank castle and karen page. it's so fun.

peter parker roommates au: weird cosmic energy linked the three peters from nwh and let them do what america chavez does, just with each other's universes. they immediately use this fact to save on rent costs by moving in together. multiverse shenanigans ensue. this one i'm probably going to write after i wrap up a few other projects.

time travel au: probably never going to write this one unfortunately, which is a shame, because it's an absolute party. matt murdock and peter parker are sent back to their old bodies in a freak magic accident. they immediately decide not to tell the fucking wizards this happened, because the fucking wizards ruin everything trying to "preserve the timeline" and "not destroy the multiverse as they know it." it's fine, peter did the math and they only have like a 13ish% chance of destroying space and time, trapping everyone in an endless void where death and escape will be impossible and those are like, AMAZING odds. and they sort of need those odds because they got booted back to the day that frank castle's family died and they simply fucking immediately saved them with no regard for the consequences. featuring a peter who refuses to be swayed by the fact that he's fucking thirteen again, he's going to airdrop the CIA's files to the entire state of new york, a matt who insists that he is aware that peter is like, thirteen and allergic to grass but this is one of his best friends, it's not weird, a frank who has no idea who these fucking people are, and a karen and foggy who got together and immediately sailed over the relationship hurdle of both mutually finding matt to be unspeakably attractive when he engages in open and honest communication, stumbled right into the most awkward seduction of all time. everyone is so stupid, except for peter, who is using this less of a romance opportunity and more as an opportunity to commit federal crimes.

Spider-Man v Kingpin x2: I have these two really different plot lines of Peter Parker versus the kingpin that’s like, cat and mouse, mind games, suspense type things. An older peter parker than what I currently have on my account, post nwh, that kind of showcases his ability to hold his own in the new york underground. Ensemble vigilante cast for both, but in very different ways. disney hire me i would make either of these into an eight episode series in a second. 

De-fridging the punisher's family: okay so like, i think there's a distinction between all “my wife/kids/girlfriend/family died and now i have to commit gratuitous acts of violence” backstories and fridging that's like, bad writing (even though it almost always is bad writing, very few writers have pulled it off) and i don't actually think frank castle's backstory is bad writing. that being said, i LOVE undoing it. i do not know why i am hyper fixated on the castles, but i am. they are alive and they live in my head. i have wayyy too many stories that are focused on the castle family. i do not know why. my favorites:

Maria Castle was Jack Murdock's kid sister AU--probably one of the sadder ones of the bunch. Maria is the painfully estranged aunt of Matt Murdock, who she recently bumped into, only to find that he looked like someone kicked the shit out of him. In an effort to make sure he's okay, she tries to revive ties long since buried. She invites him to join her family on their tradition in Central Park.

"Castles for Christmas" AU--Winter break is here, the dorms have plumbing issues, Foggy has a mandatory trip visiting a horrible bitch of a great aunt who doesn't want any blind best friends tagging along, and Matt says "I have a place to stay" when the place is an old mattress next to the boiler in Fogwell's. Meanwhile, Agent Orange takes a very different approach to the problem of Frank Castle and steals his kids. Matt Murdock hears a couple of kids in trouble and decides to handle it himself. When the kids' father tracks him down afterwards--well, nightmare scenario, but they aren't ratting him out to the cops, so it's as good as it can go. The problem: these people are fucking insane and their mission of "thank the nice young man who saved our kids" turned into "fully kidnap him and force him to live in their guest bedroom because they have an exaggerated sense of duty and this man is living like a fucking goblin." Featuring a matt who's like, trying to politely explain to the Castles that he appreciates the concern, but also this is a fucking kidnapping, like there's literal zip ties involved, like seriously this is a felony, a castle family who has decided that if frank keeps dragging him off the windowsill before he can wriggle his way to freedom then maybe they'll give him stockholm syndrome and it will be a nonissue, and a foggy who is wondering if his best bro has been enslaved by a suburban family of four to make gingerbread men.

Maria Castle Matt Murdock Best Bros Au--at the start of his Daredevil career, Matt saves a random suburban housewife mid-mugging--only she was in the process of saving herself and Matt gets clipped with a bullet in the process. the injury to his person is minor. the injury to his pride is major when random suburban housewife pistol whips him in a moment of panic, proceeds to kidnap masked man for medical treatment. The thing is 1) she hates the PTA 2) it's so hard to make adult friends with you know, kids and everything 3) she is extraordinarily okay with aiding and abetting and 4) this man is her dumbass little brother now, look at him, he's so ridiculous and pathetic, she can't not bully him, this is an excellent life decision curtis calm DOWN. featuring a curtis who does not want to be a part of this, please and thank you, maria stop calling him, and a frank still in Afghanistan, under the impression that this is his wife's new gay best friend instead of like. a man she met via vigilante justice.

15: Are there words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes you tend to use a lot?

Uhhh, i overuse stuff like “(s)he sighs” or “(s)he doesn’t say anything” or “(S)he scoffs” and “(s)he shrugs,” etc. because i’m looking for a specific like, rhythm(?) in a conversation or in the prose and shove in those mannerisms like placeholders. I haven’t figured out a better way to handle that problem with my writing yet, but hopefully will one day. 

Frank’s a weirdly expressive character, at least the way Jon Bernthal plays him, so I tend to kind of add in like, exaggerated exasperation. He has a lot of looking heavenward for strength, side-eyeing, that kind of thing.

Matt and Peter very purposefully have some parallels across my projects, but especially the Matt  and peter in pottery shards. it’s this kind of impatient way of downplaying concern for them. I think that all narrators are inherently unreliable, is the thing. It’s all going to be framed through their mindsets and experiences. Matt and Peter are both deeply isolated characters who don’t know how to comprehend--let alone accept--help and concern, for different reasons. Matt’s used to systemic abuse and instability. He’s used to him having problems being treated as him having done something wrong and being punished for it. So there’s usually a scene with a character showing some pretty appropriate concern for him--Brett, Foggy, Karen, etc.--and Matt’s entire internal monologue is about how endless this conversation is and how he doesn’t know why they’re reacting like this, and the thing they’re reacting to is like, horrible abuse. 

Peter has the same thing, because Peter in pottery shards is someone who enters the narrative as someone who has purposefully isolated himself and set himself into the mindset that people trying to interfere in his life--aka help him, the fourteen year old--is just going to hurt both himself and the people he loves. And there’s a lot of reasons for this, not all of which has been unpacked yet, but it’s resulted in this same mindset that Matt has as perceiving concern as something that’s at best a waste of his time and at worst a big problem he has to fix. So you have scenes where Curtis is actively providing him health care, or teachers are concerned about his wellbeing, and his entire internal monologue is either frustrated musings on how to get out of this, or perceiving it as them being upset with him. 

Foggy and karen haven’t gotten to the brunt of their roles yet in any of the projects, but I usually try to model them around these same internal baseline characteristics that results in repeated mannerisms. Foggy is someone who is usually very purposeful in how he acts and the words he uses. like, he’s really more self aware than any other character, and he’s good at teasing through the maladaptations of other characters. So foggy gets these repeat lines of verbal clarifications like “This isn’t a fight” because he’s good at clocking what exactly is wrong with another character and trying to make his own actions clear. I’ll refrain from karen because most of her repeated baseline characteristics haven’t popped up yet. 

18: Recommend someone else fic! (And tag them if they have a tumblr!)

i don’t think this author has a tumblr, and I haven’t seen anything from the in years, but silverpard on both AO3 and fanfiction.net has this one fic that changed the chemistry of my brain. it’s called a mirror, darkly and it influenced my own writing to a ridiculous degree. i’m not much of one for batman, never got into DC, but it’s very much worth it. 

#fanfic ask games #that's surprisingly not all of my defridging the castles fics #i don't know why i care so much about hte castles #why am i obsessed with them

[mytruthandbeauty]

7 June 2023

I watch a lot of YouTube videos about travel and moving to other countries. Awhile ago this lady who is a U.S. American and now living in the Netherlands talked about why she moved from the US and will never live there again. I watched her intently as she laid out her reasons and finally she made a statement near the end, that really resonated with me. She said something to the effect that she couldn’t continue living in a country with which she didn’t share its values and it struck me that while I hadn’t thought of my situation in that light it was exactly how I felt and how I had felt for a long time about the US. The lady’s channel on YouTube is called Jovie’s Home and the episode is entitled, “Moving back to the USA.”

Most YouTuber and I have little in common, they are usually white cisgender heterosexual and probably financially have more money then me. I’m considered black ( even though I’m mixed) like many people transgender queer and have little money, so I can’t really relate to much of their opinions or ideas, but occasionally they will say something that transcends these demographic boundaries. What Jovie said about values was one such for instance. While I may not share her same values I understood immediately what she meant about not sharing a countries values in general.

For example, the states does not to this day have a universal or national healthcare plan. Mexico, where I am currently living does and I don’t know the ins and outs of the system I do know that it’s available for everyone to use regardless of their citizenship or residency status. I haven’t needed to use it so I haven’t looked into it, but I intend to do so. Also if you want, there is also private insurance available and it’s not unaffordable. Affordable healthcare should be available to all without exception. To me having or not having it shows just how much you value human life. When I got my cancer treatment I had to apply for charity assistance with the hospital, because I was indigent and I was approved. If I had had any income I probably would have had a huge bill, but since I didn’t have any the cost was completely covered. This was how it was handled in the states back in 2012.

During that same difficult time I had previously applied for a housing assistance program and according to federal law I was considered homeless since I was living with relatives and I was therefore approved for that program. I was awarded a small room of about 2.5m x 3.5m with a shared bath. It was furnished with a small closet, a single bed, chest of drawers, microwave and tiny refrigerator. There was a small window which looked out onto a brick wall of the other wing of the building. When I started collecting social security and with the progression of my gender transition it was decided that I needed a room with a private bath. This room was considerably larger and while just as sparsely furnished had a total of four windows. The view was a bit better as I could now see the sidewalk below and across the street. Also my room was adjacent to the fire escape so I could stand on it when I wanted fresh air without leaving the building. This room felt like a palace compared to my previous accommodation. Still I had to pay thirty percent of my income for this meager place, but I was just grateful to have my own place and to not be homeless. Compare that to any of the places in which I have resided in Mexico. I have lived in apartments that have ranged in size from studio to two bedroom all fully furnished with not just furniture, but a television, fully stocked kitchens, bed linens and bath towels. Included in the rent was WiFi while I had to pay electricity separately. The most I ever paid was about forty percent of my income. Good clean affordable housing is another value that I hold for all people. The US doesn’t seem to agree as there are many homeless people there or people living in substandard housing. I have seen only a handful of homeless people since living in Mexico.

One more thing I would like to mention here that I believe shows a contrast between the values of Mexico and the US. Fresh food here is incredibly inexpensive and readily available whereas in the states it’s more like a luxury. The vegetables and fruit here are ripe and full of flavor except if you make the mistake that I’ve occasionally made and bought some that were imported from the US then it was a different story. I try not to repeat that mistake. But also I’ve noticed that the pastries have less sugar than those in the US and honestly they took a little getting used to, but I found that I prefer the less sugary versions. Also it’s the same for the bread and I get both from my local bakery who bakes fresh every day. I’m a vegetarian so I can’t speak on any foods that come from any kind of animal except cheese and while Mexico doesn’t have lots of cheese the ones I’ve eaten are quite good. I don’t think there can be any argument that everyone has a right to healthy fresh food that they can afford to buy, still from my experience the US seems to have a problem with that idea.

And lastly I have to include that while in the US people are trying to take away transgender people’s access to gender affirming care here in Mexico I discovered a clinic with an endocrinologist who offers organic estrogen something I didn’t know existed and I also learned that there is a clinic that offers vaginoplasty at a fraction of the cost of what you would pay in the US. All of these examples are evidence that shows Mexico’s values are more in alignment with my own than the US’s and clearly this is a better place for me.

#transgenderfindsafetyandsecurityoutsideusa #transgendertravelabroad #[email protected]

[hostbd]

[darlingarchangel]

Do I create art because of or despite my shitty mental state? Evidence by the Goldsmiths - University of London suggests that the better an artist is doing mentally, the better they can devote themselves to their art. But I can't help but feel like the more I want to kill myself, the more proactive I become. I’ve honestly haven’t been able to form a coherent thought in weeks, but in my art I’ve been rampant. The urge to let my head get crushed by an approaching train or to drink the entirety of the laundry detergent shelf is barely manageable, so I avoid every fucking thought by creating stupid little drawing of characters from my only escape from this living hell, unfortunately Splatoon. I know I can't go on like this, but there is no future for me to look forward to, seeing the planet is slowly decaying and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Even career wise, there is nothing for me. People always tell me to become a graphic designer or some other irrelevant artsy job, that would just drive me to the brink of insanity by making me create soulless corporate art. The need to create profit is the death of art itself. Making art is a process of creativity, you can’t just create it out of thin air. Getting an idea is not something that can be mandated or can arise at a 9-5. It just comes whenever. It usually comes in the middle of the night for me. And it’s horrible. Not because I want to sleep, but because I know I have school or work tomorrow. And I know I can’t bring it into reality, because I know I will be unproductive in school the next day. This would of course mean that I won’t be able to get good grades, and not getting good grades means being a lazy loser shithead who can’t do anything right and won’t get a fucking job. The constant need to conform to a system that sees no place for the artist as a human entity, whose creativity cannot be channeled through money or any other capitalist means, is what is going to be the death of me. The issue with art is that it can’t be mass produced. Yes, you could argue that you can print out an image of a work or take that shit to the metaverse or whatever, where you get a 3D view of it across every screen imaginable. But the art is only ever created once. There is only one like it, and there is no way to ever recreate it as it is. Even if the artist perfectly recreates the work, line by line, it’s not the same. Because it wasn’t created with the same intent. The original was made with an idea behind it, that was slowly and tediously brought to life by translating it to for example canvas or piece of paper. A perfect recreation does not have the process behind it that the original had. The idea behind a copy is to be like the original, the idea of the previous work is more of a second thought. That’s why everyone is after the original, right? That is, if you’re a famous artist, but if you’re simply someone your art holds no value from an economic standpoint. There is no demand for it, so why would anyone want to buy it? After all, reselling it would only get them a couple bucks at most. It’s the rarity of an artwork and the status of the artist that determines its value.

Honest to God I wouldn’t give a shit if I could pay my rent and have enough money to feed myself and my dog, while being fully able to commit myself to creating art. But that’s an impossibility and it’s driving me insane. I will have to work for the rest of my life at a job that I do not care for just to keep myself from starving, pouring the little time I have left on this earth into a frivolous task, while having every idea that comes to my head put off until I arrive home, only to either forget it or lose any motivation. All this time I could spend on creating art and doing what actually makes me happy. I DON’T CARE IF IT’S NOT BENEFITING HUMANITY BY SERVING SOME OBSOLETE PROPOSE: I DO NOT CARE IF IT GETS ME NOTHING. I NEED TO MAKE ART AND I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH OF S CAREER IT WILL COST ME. I have no purpose in this life other than to make art and I’m happy with that. I may be slowly losing my mind, but that’s fine with me. I want to kill myself so bad it’s starting to become the only fucking thing I keep thinking about. I know I can’t keep living in this world that sees no value in what I do, but I’m forced to regardless. In the end I don’t have the strength or guts to do it, so I will just spiral down until it happens slowly by itself. I’m going to create until I die, until every little piece of me is gone because in the end it doesn’t matter. This is not a suicide note, this is a note of complete apathy to the world that decided to show me none. I will keep living even if I land in the streets. Fuck it, I’ll draw pretty pictures in the dust of piss filled backstreets while I starve. 

[macroeconomicclassblog2023]

Chapter #6

Question #1:

Go back to the section in the chapter on the problems with the CPI.  How serious are they?

My answer:

There are three problems with CPI. First, substitution bias is when a consumer chooses to buy less of a product or another product if the original product’s price increases. The CPI doesn’t take this into account and can overstate the increase in the cost of living. The second problem is new goods being introduced. When there is more variety, the value of a dollar increases, and the CPI does not measure that. And the final problem is unmeasured quality change. If a product’s quality changes and the price stays the same, then the value of a dollar for that product drops. Since the CPI does not measure quality, it can mess up calculations. These are serious problems because substitution bias will always happen, and new goods will always be introduced. Also, the quality of a product will not always be the same throughout the years.

Question #2:

Most of you live in rural areas.  Is the inflation rate you face different than that of urban areas? Why or why not?

My answer:

Studies have shown that rural areas with less competition experience higher rates of inflation than urban areas with more competition. I live in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, and our population is 13,390. For a town to be considered urban, it had to have 50,000+ people (What is rural). An Iowa State University professor noticed that, “From 2020 to 2022, rural households paid an estimated $8,120 extra due to inflation, almost 9% more than urban households over the same time period” (Dorn). Rural wages didn’t increase as fast as urban wages, but the cost of expenses grew faster in rural areas (Peters). So, inflation hits rural households harder than urban households.

Question #3:

Are all of those uses appropriate? Is the accuracy of the CPI more important for some uses than for others? Do you pay attention to the CPI and use it in any way?

My answer:

Since CPI measures urban populations only, not all of these uses are appropriate for rural populations. For example, urban and rural areas experience different wages and rents. So, what would work for urban wages and rent wouldn't work for rural wages and rent. While rent calculations wouldn't work for everybody, child support payments would benefit from the CPI. The CPI increases child support payments due to inflation each year. I don’t focus on it, but it still affects me. The CPI raises the minimum wage to account for inflation, meaning it affects most people including me.

Works Cited:

Dorn, A. (2023, February 2). Have Rural Americans been hit harder by inflation? NewsNation. Retrieved February 26, 2023, from https://www.newsnationnow.com/business/your-money/rural-americans-inflation/#:~:text=From%202020%20to%202022%2C%20rural,University%20professor%20Dave%20Peters%20found.

Peters, D. (2022, July 11). New report describes impact of inflation on rural households. News. Retrieved February 26, 2023, from https://www.extension.iastate.edu/news/new-report-describes-impact-inflation-rural-households

What is rural? USDA ERS - What is Rural? (2019, October 23). Retrieved February 26, 2023, from https://www.ers.usda.gov/topics/rural-economy-population/rural-classifications/what-is-rural.aspx#:~:text=The%20Census%20Bureau%20defines%20an,cities%20of%2050%2C000%20or%20more. 

[voicesfromthepicket]

Nick, Microbiology & Environmental Toxicology, UC Santa Cruz

I was a first generation undergraduate, and I am a first generation graduate student. I make more money than my mom does, and I send her money to help her pay her own rent. I saw higher education as a way for me to break the cycle of poverty, and support my mom and younger cousins in the process. It is ridiculously expensive to live here, and the university has not been helping. My department conducted a survey of our grad students, and 80% reported depleting their savings to pay rent, and an additional 32% reported living with six or more roommates to split the cost of a single place. Living with this many roommates caused many health problems during the worst part of the Covid-19 pandemic in 2020 and 2021. I have heard of so many unsavory housing situations; many involve landlords refusing to take care of rodent or termite problems. Many landlords try to make extra money by constructing unsafe sheds and flats in their backyards that don’t pass building codes and often have no bathrooms.

Students will live in shacks to save money, and even these unsafe housing accommodations often come with a high price tag. Landlords here are predatory and unethical in multiple ways, I know a student who had to file a restraining order against her landlord because he was stalking her. I’ve also known students who got places with their partners, and when those partners later became abusive, the victims were afraid to leave because it is almost impossible to find an affordable rental as a single person here. STEM students like myself work upwards of 40 hours a week and we are frequently taken advantage of, underpaid and exploited by abusive lab personnel and faculty. This has resulted in a large number of my cohort and successive cohorts leaving the program after getting their masters degrees. It’s important to be out here on the picket because this is our best chance to make a real change for everyone. I made this sweatshirt during the last strike and asked fellow students to sign it with the reasons why they are striking. It’s a good reminder of what we are all fighting for.

#ucsc #uawonstrike #microbiology and environmental toxicology #cola4all

[mmartbd]

Is online shopping good for Bangladesh

The popularity of internet purchasing has been skyrocketing due to the quick development of technology, our hectic schedules, and COVID-19. More and more online stores have started opening up to meet this need, particularly on social media sites like Facebook.

Many predicted that as more individuals switched to internet shopping at the beginning of the epidemic, shopping habits would shift forever. Will in-store purchasing once again become the preferred option once the pandemic has subsided? Does physical retail facing a threat from online shopping?

Why is online shopping so popular?

Online shopping is getting increasingly popular among consumers due to increased Internet access, rising levels of personal workloads, and snarling traffic.

Rimi, a university student in Dhaka, emphasizes the convenience of internet shopping by claiming that it takes much less time and effort to browse the products than visiting numerous physical stores.

In contrast to brick-and-mortar stores, the cost of searching for products and information online is actually quite low. When shopping online, there is no need to battle awful traffic or search through various, occasionally rather distant places in order to find the necessary items. Customers can browse a variety of items, place orders at any time of day, and even pay for the goods digitally with a few taps.

From the standpoint of business owners, starting an internet business is simpler because less capital is needed and numerous expenses, such as shop rent and energy costs, may be avoided. It is convenient to run a business from home. The Clothing Basket's owner, Tasneem Rahman, a clothing retailer with a Facebook presence, stated: "I would incur more fixed expenditures if I owned a store. I would be responsible for paying the expenses whether or not I made successful sales. Because of that, it would be very challenging for me to remain competitive." There is a lost of growing eCommerce companies in our country Mmart more than better others. 

So, is in-store shopping slowly dying?

Contrary to what you may think given the explosive increase of online sales, physical store purchasing is not going anywhere anytime soon. Many consumers still choose to buy things from brick-and-mortar establishments even while COVID hazards still exist.

A student at BRAC University in Dhaka named Prothom highlights the tangible and testable nature of in-store shopping.

"I prefer doing my shopping offline because I can see the goods in person and can determine their exact appearance and material."

Oishi, a student at the Bangladesh University of Professionals, expressed a similar opinion.

Customers may choose to purchase offline as well, depending on the type of goods they are purchasing. University of Dhaka student Mantaka remarked, "Gadgets are delicate, therefore if they are not handled or packed properly before shipping, they could easily be broken. In case something goes wrong, you must also ensure it functions properly in front of the vendor or shopkeeper."

We all know that many people finds enormous pleasure and happiness in shopping. These happy sentiments that shopping can bring you are what give rise to the labels "retail therapy" and "comfort buying." This is why many individuals want to purchase offline in order to get the best possible shopping experience.

Why do some people prefer shopping offline over online?

In Bangladesh, many individuals still believe that offline shopping is still superior, particularly the older generations who are less familiar with the Internet. Their hostility is partly a result of the mistrust that has grown due to recent allegations of fraud involving numerous e-retailers.  Best online shopping in Bangladesh has recently come under fire for its fraudulent practices and theft of significant amounts of money from clients without providing the promised goods.

Online fraud allegations have also been made against small Facebook-based businesses. They have been charged with supplying defective goods, posting misleading information about the products online, mismatching the colors of photographs and actual goods, sending out cheaper, lower-quality goods, and other offenses. Prothom notes that most frequently, the prices are set higher than standard physical market prices.

Overall, it can be argued that physical stores won't disappear anytime soon and that online retailer may increase their consumer base by putting more emphasis on developing trust. Whatever your favorite method of shopping may be, there is no doubt that you, the client, come out on top since you have access to a wider range of goods.

[pailcast2]

Apartment The Cost Of Rent In Tempe

First, decide your funding. You may regularly be able discover great deals on apartments, but confident to that subjected to testing within spending budget. No need to create a five bedroom six bath can is just you, regardless of whether it can be a steal to a deal. Fit the bill. If are unable to have any competitors seem to which might be renting rooms, look to one bedroom apartment vacation rentals. What do they charge and just what do they get for the particular? Go about $50-$100 less and check out that price out to discover what form of resident generates. Every area differs from the others and utilized charge varying rates influenced by what the rent costs in that area. Next, you might have decide the size of apartment an individual want. An individual are all alone, a studio or efficiency apartment may turn into good final choice. They have only big room, making it ideal for any who don't need additional room. If you might be a young couple, this may work also. This week, we need to share three tips to buy a more energy-efficient apartment. Regardless of how low power bill is, why not test to make certain it is go even lower, ideal? Transportation: A person don't do n't have a car, does residence have the actual bus nearby? For college students, large universities usually include this service throughout determine what kinds of. The major I dislike renting is my wages is likely to somebody else in significant intervals as an alternative to building up my own financial defense. My monthly rent is my single largest expense and continued I do not have anything to show for these funds. Moreover, I am making another rich, my landlord. Apartment complexes companies. The owners are charging rents such that rent is higher than their own mortgage payments on the complex and also recurring management fees. vnpt internet line for rent Some other words, these types of making a profit, frequently a substantial one. If you might be a movie buff, the area is alot of familiar placement. Scenes for movies like "Bandits", "Gattaca", "THX 1138", "Raiders of the Lost Ark", and "Basic Instinct", to list only a few, were filmed through the area. For the matter, for everybody who is intent on working the film industry, Marin County fantastic place to live a life. All manner of production companies make their headquarters there, quite possibly nearby Hollywood and L . a .. https://vnptvinaphone.net.vn/chuong-trinh-khuyen-mai-lap-mang-vnpt-ha-noi-thang-1-2021/

#lắp mạng vnpt cho gia đình nhanh nhất

[ms-demeanor]

*Peering through my glasses at some discourse on the dash*

Most humanities majors don't actually think they're going to get a dream job lecturing about their special interest at fancy universities for hundreds of thousands of dollars; they are capable of looking at their professors, who are people with PhDs in the subject they're studying who aren't doing that exact thing, and recognize that even getting a tenure-track job at a local school is a pain in the ass. Most humanities majors take easy classes that they enjoy with the understanding that they'll learn project management and research skills that will be useful in a variety of industries while absolutely seething that they are expected to get a 4-year degree for an entry-level job or a temp position.

And the vast, vast majority of humanities majors don't pay $200k for the privilege.

So I get that yeah it's fucked that people are expected to have degrees for all sorts of things that they don't need degrees for but if you're blaming the people studying humanities (or saying that studying the humanities is a luxury and should be treated as such) you're aiming at the wrong target.

For the record, I don't think there's an easy solution to this problem because I think that bullshit hiring requirements are essentially a mechanism to sort by class/neurotypicality/ability level than a tool to actually hire people who have the kinds of skills that a degree in their subject of study would confer. Maybe alongside normalizing talking about salaries we should normalize listing applicable skills and experience on resumes without talking about graduating from college, except that you don't even send resumes anymore, you fill in applications on a company's website where "level of education" is a required field.

It *IS* bullshit, but how many kids who got lit degrees at quarter-million dollar schools actually ARE there? Is this a real concern or is this a popular bogeyman? Isn't the opposite problem - kids graduating with, like, computer science degrees who have no practical experience and no current certification and can't be trusted to babysit a server farm - a bigger issue facing recent grads and hiring managers alike?

The one dude I know with a classics degree is the VP of distribution at a mid-sized seafood plant; he doesn't need that degree to do his job, and he's learned more about his job from his job than he did while signing up for summer digs in athens. That being said: he needed a degree to get the kind of job that would lead to his current job, and knew that, so he figured he might as well study a subject that he liked that gave him the opportunity to do archaeology in a beautiful place for three weeks of the year.

My degree in English Lit is totally unnecessary to my job, but it is why I got the job and it has more than paid for itself as a result (though, again, I'm a huge proponent of state schools and community colleges because I got my diploma for about twelve grand, which is about 7% of the price being cited as the cost of luxury college).

Also: if you feel secure enough in your financial situation to attend a school where a Lit degree DOES cost 50k a year you are already in the group of people who likely don't have to worry about things like 'rent' or 'getting paid a living wage in grad school' and are much more likely to be one of the people who DOES successfully land a cushy job at a nice university because you are *already* the kind of person who has a bunch of connections at USC because you could afford to consider going to USC.

[katjohnadams]

How would we even pay for a UBI (Universal Basic Income)?

Okay, see, that’s not a bad question, and stick with me: We increase tax of businesses, lower minimum wage, regulate the shit out of renting and lending, and institute Universal Healthcare.

How does that pay for UBI?

So UBI would be expensive. We’re talking $1500-2500 per adult per month. So where does that come from? Let’s work backwards: We nationalize most health care. We regulate the medical industry to fuck, as well. The cost of a sensible medical system is a fraction of the profit gorging monster that we have now which makes hundreds of dollars per dollar spent on some medications. 

The amount of people who end up on permanent disability drops, and we can get rid of disability entirely since you have healthcare and an income, guaranteed already. A disability additional stipend is a Very Good Idea, though. Further, a lot of conditions that are easily treatable early and preventative medicine is less stigmatized and the total expenditure on healthcare drops. I personally have treated/transported far too many people who lost limbs due to a lack of insulin and that is just shameful.

Businesses pay MUCH higher taxes, but they also pay out less as a minimum wage. After all, if you’re working age, you’re getting a UBI. Pay stops being something people need, and it becomes something people want. Hey, free market people: If all needs are met, then labor will be paid at the value of the work. You want someone to do dirty work, you gotta pay to get it done, you now have to entice people who are able to survive without you. But you can afford to since you don’t need to offer as much! Sure, I could *get by* on my UBI, but If I want that new Console or rims or a nicer wardrobe or a better graphics card, I’mma need some extra scratch, and I’m gonna shop the free ass market for what will pay the best for the time and effort I want to put in. But since I got my UBI, it doesn’t need to be as much, does it? 

And as a company, sure the extra tax sucks, but the lower pay means I can hire enough people to make sure I got that coverage and a call out, which people can afford to do, won’t affect me. My workers will be more relaxed and happy, and if they sass you you can fire them because you’ve got a sizable list of hires since paying them is easier.

With renting and lending regulated, people can afford to work more places, and your workers will probably have to commute less, giving you MORE RELIABLE WORKER PRESENCE. And the market will be less prone to sudden boom and bust cycles.

But isn’t that socialism?

I mean, one: Define that word before you use it but two: Kinda? It’s definitely a social policy that ensures general economic stability to all people and reduces the very expensive issue of houseless people by ensuring everyone can afford a home and has access to their medical and mental health needs and support networks. So... yes? But it’s not like your “variety” in consumer goods is going anywhere, why would it? Hell, if you’re worried about nationalization of business, break up the big companies. Regulate their size and enforce anti-trust regs with an iron fist. The government can’t usefully nationalize twenty million different companies, but a government in charge of Amazon? I think that is something both Leftists and Right Wingers can see as being a Bad Time.

So sure, it’s a little bit of Socialism, but so are fire departments. And I don’t think you’ll say firefighters aren’t heroes, the lot, serving their communities. 

And hell, you already fund a massive amount of taxes into the biggest social service in the country: the defense budget. And most of that just acts as a funnel to the military industrial complex which more and more pumps money overseas instead of into American homes and businesses.

So what I’m saying is that a UBI is American as fuck and supports the working class of citizens, and the Republicans are framing it as a scary foreign ideal to scare you away.

[anonymous-dentist]

Truth in the Tales Minisode: Sir Billiam vs Drew P. Wiener- Class in the Gilded Age

This minisode of Truths is brought to you by my socialist ass reading through the Wiki and realizing that Sir Billiam probably kinned Andrew Carnegie.

Hi, I’m A.D., and I’m a history student. My area of study, more or less, is the last forty years of the 19th century. Specifically: the Gilded Age. So today I’m gonna talk about the one thing Tumblr loves to hate, class privilege. Briefly, mind, but I’m always open to questions! Most of the stuff in this post comes from my dirty little history student brain, so there’s that warning.

First comes the question, why the Gilded Age? Well, the term comes from famous American author Mark Twain and is used to describe about the 1870s through (in my opinion) the end of Roosevelt’s presidency in the early 20th century. It refers to how America was gilded with gold despite being completely fucking awful to live in. This was before unions and everything, and urban living conditions were hell, to say the least.

(Irma and Paul Milstein Division of United States History, Local History and Genealogy, The New York Public Library. "Man in kitchen—bedroom with dishes, clothes, irons (1904)." New York Public Library Digital Collections. Accessed February 16, 2022. https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/510d47e4-3217-a3d9-e040-e00a18064a99)

(The Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Photography Collection, The New York Public Library. "A rear tenement room, New York" New York Public Library Digital Collections. Accessed February 16, 2022. https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/510d47d9-a9f1-a3d9-e040-e00a18064a99)

Like. That’s bad. Really bad. Rapid industrialization leads to more problems than rewards for a certain period of time, generally speaking. Too much urban growth can be a real problem if you’re a city with no infrastructure. Sickness and disease ran rampant. Most of these tenement houses didn’t have running water or bathrooms, so they used outhouses that were rarely cleaned. Rent was astronomical, especially when considering the average wage of the time. This was before minimum wage, long before it.

(Interior rooms.)

An apartment like that, for example, would be $10 a week if it was in 1892, just a bit after when the Masquerade would have taken place. Meanwhile at any given Carnegie steel mill, a day’s wages would be about $1.72.

Andrew Carnegie, meanwhile, made about $92,000 a day.

(Carnegie estate.)

Carnegie was one of the huge guys of the Gilded Age. As a native to Pennsylvania, I know entirely too much about that guy. But to make it brief, he was rich and worked his way up to being rich after years of work. He thought everybody could do that, but he never once provided the means to do so. He was an active enemy of workers unions and didn’t really care if people lost limbs or died working in his steel mills as long as they were replaced quickly.

But is that Sir Billiam? Not entirely. Sir Billiam gives me bigger Vanderbilt vibes.

You might recognize the name from the university, but the Vanderbilts are old money. While they did have a big hand in business, they are arguably more famous for their parties.

(Le Petit Chateau, which happened to take up an entire city block.)

There was once a huge costume ball thrown by Mrs. Alva Vanderbilt. She invited 1,200 people. It cost about $250,000 to throw. For reference, that’s $6,000,000 in modern money, if I’m doing my calculations correctly.

Now how does this go back to our lads Billiam and Drew?

“What does the B stand for?” (In Vitamin B)

“Broke!”

Billiam is obviously a rich motherfucker with little to no concern for the poor. That’s like. His whole thing. The only reason Drew is there is cause he broke in, basically. Drew is vitamin b-broke, ain’t got a nickel to his name. Compare that with Sir Billiam and his opulent estate.

The other thing to note is that The Masquerade does, is fact, take place during the Gilded Age. Not only is it similar to any given upper class party from the era, but it canonically takes place at around the same time as the Wild West, which would have taken place sometime in the 1870s or 1880s. So if we’re to take those two things together, we have approximately the year 1883 set for the Masquerade, the year Alva Vanderbilt’s party happened.

#mcyt #dream smp #dsmp #tales from the smp #tftsmp #truth in the tales #tftsmp the masquerade #sir billiam #tftsmp drew p wiener #the masquerade

[lily-orchard]

Do you honestly think shit talking your ex is ruining her life?

No. I don't talk about my abuser to get back at her. I talk about her when someone asks about it, and other than that I don't about her outside of therapy. She gets mentioned once every couple of months, and not even by name anymore most of the time.

My ex herself is not important. Her actions are important to discuss, the source of them are important to discuss, but what she's doing now is irrelevant.

Yeah I get a cathartic laugh the odd time I hear about her whining for sympathy or hanging out with stalkers gossiping about me, but "the person who wronged you is a loser/got hurt" is universally satisfying for everybody.

No doubt if I got terminal cancer the people who imagine I wronged them and obsessively stalk me over it would be throwing a fucking party about it.

Admittedly the audience plays a part in this because people tell me what my ex said and then go tell her what I said because y'all are gluttonous little rodents and you're hungry for gossip.

I fuel that because I think there's value in unpacking the abuse you've suffered for the sake of others. I've gotten more than enough testimonials from people saying that me talking openly about the physical, emotional and sexual abuse from my ex has helped them realize they are or were in similar situations. And as much as I complain about trauma dumping in my ask box, I do want to enrich people's lives. I would just rather do it without the direct demands for free personal therapy sessions. At the end of the day, if the social media equivalent of the people who willingly watch TMZ get their gossip fetish sated, that's an acceptable cost.

At the end of the day the cycle of "Your ex lives rent free in your head, but also you have a compulsive need to live rent free in people's heads" is a whole lot of worthless noise.

Here's an analogy I think works: TERFs don't care about bathroom safety, they only care about excluding trans women from society and making their existence a debate. So if you start arguing about statistics and the reality of assault laws and whatnot, you're giving them what they want. They're not trying to win an argument. They're trying to keep the argument going.

My stalkers will act like they care about something noble like abuse victims, and you guys jumping to my defense make the critical mistake of believing them. One person was recently flooding Cypher's horny side blog and trying to reason with her, and I'm thinking "What the fuck are you doing? This is someone who went from 'Flirty Friend' to 'Deranged Stalker' within hours of our friendship ending, and made an entire blog dedicated to obsessing over me, and you're taking her at her word when she says she's not obsessed or stalking me?"

I've said in the past, my stalkers are this image to a T

They are very upset, very obsessed, and keep trying to play it off. Of course they have all these mental gymnastics for why I'm actually the loser here. Of course they have go on these diatribes about how I'm so sad and pathetic.

Yes I do quite enjoy the irony of saying that on this particular post lol.

But guys... you're not supposed to engage with these people in good faith. When they accuse me of being an obsessed loser, you're not supposed to defend me because that's exactly what they want you to do. They want the discourse and the gossip to keep going.

This is something you guys understand about my ex to a T. You only really bring her up once every two or three months, and usually just to laugh or unpack some new shit. It's not daily news, nor are people responding to my ex's tweets about me directly.

At least I hope, I haven't checked.

And it makes sense. It's been a long time. Me and my ex have now been apart longer than we were together and-

Whoa wait... that information just occurred to me and I just

I met that woman when I was 23. All that happened when I was 26. I'm almost 30 now. Why does time feel so slow and fast simultaneously? I aged rapidly in that relationship. My hair was going grey in 2018.

Sorry I just had a bit of an existential crisis. It all feels like it was ten years ago and also yesterday.

You guys know that I've talked about my ex's abuse quite extensively. You know that of course she's going to "NO U" in response and play the "look I'm so detached game."

The rats will frequently say "Oh Lily's still not over it." But you know where they got that from? They got it from me. I've been open about the fact that the abuse I suffered from her still hurts. That I'm still dealing with the damage that cause. 2018 in particular was an extremely traumatic year. A lot of shit happened in that year. You can't get mugged, raped by a stalker, raped by your fiance, emotionally abused, gaslit, manipulated, subjected to gleeful sadism, accused of cheating, being guilt tripped for being adversely affected by traumatic incidents, abandoned, swatted, assaulted by police, and driven to multiple suicide attempts in the span of five months and recover from all of that quickly.

That just doesn't happen. I'm still raw and affected by that, and I admit to the fact that I'm still angry about it and hurt. I don't think I will ever stop being angry about it. Can you stop being angry at someone who was responsible for most of that shit? I'm not sure.

But I've been very open about the fact that creature hurt me, and that I'm still hurt. And that's something my stalkers would never admit to. Cypher makes up all this shit about "Oh I never liked her anyway, I was just trying to fix her like a pet project" to hide the fact that she's mad that I ghosted her at the first red flag.

My stalkers and abusers put on this air of aloofness to act like they're the amused viewer watching the tr***y shriek. But that's the oldest fucking lie in the book. "Who has less of a life" is what every internet argument devolves into.

Kiwi Farms as a website is full of people with no lives trying to find people with less of a life than them to feel better about themselves. It's the most circular argument to actually have with people, especially when the people who started it want to have that argument, and it's what my stalkers have devolved completely into.

Stop having this argument with them in my defence. Recognize the smug mask on the crying face for what it is, and remember that I got paid money to write all this out and you don't, so it's probably not a good use of your time.

[hostbd]

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.

but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]

part 2: dramas

mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known

includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.

Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 

Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.

Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.

Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.

Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.

A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).

Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!

Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry

The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry dramas #im so sorry if this got long but also #I have too many Thoughts #all I do is cry over two sad gays #its pain o'clock sweeties #time to Sob about the mortifying ordeal of being Known