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#and writing some self-indulgent mess instead
the-kipsabian · 9 months
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tfw youre writing a fic so cute you might as well combust yourself <3
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hyunniesgirl · 4 months
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I wanna be yours
Pairing: Bangchan x fem!reader
Summary: it was all a game to him, until all he could think about was you. He wanted to have all of you. Ruin all of you. Love all of you.
Or, the one where Chan is a cocky asshole who's going out with you just for fun and ends up falling in love.
Slightly inspired in the movie 10 things I hate about you.
Genres: angst, smut, fluff
Words count: 10,991
Masterlist
This content is +18 ONLY, minors do NOT interact!
Warnings: Corruption kink(kinda), dry humping, fingering, blowjob, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, pet names(princess, baby), Chan is cocky as fuck(and I'm here for it, stan cocky Bangchan), reader gets kinda insecure close to the end(let me know if I missed something)
A/N: should I be answering my requests or updating my series? Yes, did I spend too much time in a super long self indulgent oneshot? I did. It was supposed to be just smut with corruption kink 😭 turns out I can't write the porn without the plot.
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It all started as a game for him. He just didn't guess how much you would mess with his head.
Bang Chan doesn't care much about college, with a promising career in music, he's just attending classes so his parents won't nag him too much.
That means he's bored all the time.
So when Jeongin, his youngest friend, begged him to win his girlfriend's sister over and date her for a bit, he almost accepted right away, yearning for some fun. But he didn't, not before knowing who you were.
That's how he ended up here, trying to find you in the middle of communication class. He didn't need to look too much, from Jeongin’s description, he could find you in the blink of an eye.
“A pretty girl, probably wearing black or some neutral color and she'll probably be in a corner. She's very shy, when you speak to her don't be too straightforward, you may scare her”
The way Jeongin described you didn't show any ill intent and he was always a good guy, that's why Chan considered accepting his offer in the first place. He must have his reasons for almost kneeling in front of his friend, asking for him to date you.
Chan sits behind you, observing every movement you make. You're indeed pretty and you really are shy. He notices how you want to raise your hand every time the professor asks a question, but you always hesitate and someone speaks over you. Every time you try to speak, some rude person cuts you and instead of getting mad, your face turns red and you shrink in your seat, trying to make yourself even more invisible.
There's something about you, Chan can't tell what it is, but it's something amusing about how you behave. Someone like you could have every guy in this university wrapped around your little finger and every girl wanting to be your friend.
As soon as the class ends, Chan sends a text to Jeongin, telling him he will do it. He doesn't waste time, waiting for everyone to get out of the classroom while you're still collecting your things.
“Hey”, he says out of nowhere, making you jump and look at him with huge doe eyes. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you”.
He kinda did want that, though, curious to see how you would react, he thought maybe you would raise your voice and curse him, but you reacted as calmly as possible.
“It's okay”, you mumble.
You keep organizing your things, trying to ignore his presence.
“So, I wanted to ask if you can let me borrow your notes”, he asks, making puppy eyes.
You turn back to him and Chan can almost see the gears turning inside your head.
“Why does he want my notes if he just attended the same class?” It's written all over your face.
“I pulled an all nighter studying for another class and kind of dozed off earlier”, he lies, smiling sheepishly while scratching the back of his neck.
You stare at him for a bit, pondering if you should say yes, actually, let's be real: can you even say no?
This is Bang Chan, handsome and popular, everyone knows him and the other two guys from 3racha. The last you heard, he didn't care much about classes since he's already progressing in his music career so you still don't understand why he wants to borrow your notes.
“Yeah, okay”, you nod, deciding to agree so this conversation can be over soon. You pull your notebook out of your bag and hand it to him. “Just make sure to give it back by next class”
“Sure, thanks”, he gives you a big bright smile that makes you gulp while staring at him, just a few minutes in his presence and you already know something very important: this man is dangerous.
You look around awkwardly, not knowing what Chan wants more. He's just standing there, staring at you.
“I'll get going then”, you sigh, feeling exhausted by this whole interaction.
You turn around, walking to the door, leaving Chan there, dumbstruck. Jeongin was right, you have no social skills, but you're much more entertaining than he made you out to be.
You're having lunch with Yuna, your sister, and Jeongin, her boyfriend, in the cafeteria. You like spending time with them, they are probably the only people you feel comfortable around in this university.
You met Jeongin three months ago. Your sister came home giggling like a child on Christmas, sat on your bed and told you she got a boyfriend.
You ran to your door, closing it after checking that your parents weren't around. There's only one rule in the house: your younger sister must not date before you do.
Your parents are not conservative or anything like that, they just had you two later than other parents, so they are very overprotective. You don't know exactly the reason why they set this rule, maybe it's because they are sure you're never going to date.
Yuna is your best friend, she was a sickly child so all those interactions and fights that normal sisters have, you didn't. You spent most of her childhood and a huge part of yours by her side in the hospital. Fortunately, she was able to go back to a normal life by the time she was becoming a teenager, she was always a social butterfly even in the hospital everyone loved her.
You always thought it was unfair that she had to wait to have a boyfriend simply because you are not interesting enough or can't even hold a conversation properly without stuttering, but there was nothing you could do about it. You even tried arguing with your parents about it but it always ended with them telling you to forget about it.
You see Jeongin waving to someone, something is off, they never invite anyone to eat with them. A tray is settled by your side and you look at the person who sits in the seat next to yours: Bang Chan.
“Hello again”, he smiles at you, a handsome smile with dimples showing and everything. He greets the others after.
You look at Yuna and Jeongin, she is frowning just like you and her boyfriend is eating like this is an ordinary situation in your daily lunch.
“Hi”, you sister answers, “I don't think we met before”
“Oh, yeah, I'm Bang Chan!” He stretches his hand so she can shake it. “Jeongin is an old friend and I have communication class with y/n”
“Ah”, she nods, looking at her boyfriend. You stay in silence, playing with your food, waiting for Jeongin to send Bang Chan away.
“Babe, I forgot I have a project due tonight”, Jeongin says, slapping the palm of his hand on his forehead. He stands up, “can you help me? Chan will keep y/n company.”
No. You don't want him to keep you company. Your eyes widen and you stare at your sister, trying to send her a mental signal so she won't let you alone with him.
What you don't see, it's that she has already caught up on the way Bang Chan is looking at you and she might think she understands what's happening.
“Okay, yeah. Take care of her”, your sister says, smiling apologetically to you while she gets up and follows Jeongin out of your sight.
You should just throw your food away and go to the library, maybe you can eat a sandwich.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” You hear Bang Chan's voice before you can put your plan into practice, turning around to look at him with the most terrified face he ever saw on someone. “Ouch, does the idea scare you so much?” He jokes.
“Why would you want to go on a date with me? We just met yesterday”, you point out, holding yourself back so you won't just stand up and run away.
“I find you interesting, it's just a date so we can get to know each other better”, he shrugs. He's so nonchalant about it, while you're freaking out inside.
“I don't think that's a good idea, I'm not good at keeping conversations, you'll get bored”, you say frantically. You just didn't expect him to laugh.
“I can do all the talking, I love to talk"
Chan knows this move is risky and there's a high probability you won't accept, but he just felt like asking you at that moment.
“Are you sure you won't get bored?” You ask.
His eyes widen and he nods, are you really considering it?
You are, obviously. You bet no one could ever guess, but Bang Chan is your ideal type, actually he is probably everyone's ideal type.
He has the kindest smile you have ever seen and the way his eyes turn into crescents when he's smiling makes your legs weak. He met you yesterday, but you know him since 3racha performed in the university’s festival last year. Since the first time you two crossed paths, everything about him, appearance wise, seemed appealing: his dark eyes, his smile, his dark curls, his broad shoulders and his muscular body. That's why you freaked out so much when he spoke to you yesterday, you never thought he would give you the time of day. So you would be dumb to reject his offer.
“Okay”, you nod, handing your phone to him. “You can put your number there, I'll text you so you can save my contact”, you say and he stares at the device for a few moments before picking it up and typing his number.
This was easier than he thought.
“Do you have pepper spray with you?” Your mother asks for the 30th time in the last hour.
“Yes, mom. I'm going on a date with another student, he's not a criminal”, you tell her and your father tsks.
“There are alot of students that commit crimes”, he says.
“I know”, you sigh, “don't worry, I have pepper spray, emergency numbers and I'll turn on my localization”
Your sister is watching the scene unfolding in front of her, while she chuckles.
“You shouldn't laugh, if I start dating you will go through the same thing when it's your time”, you whisper at her and she sighs.
“You're not going to this date just so I can officially date Jeongin, right?”
You grin.
“You think too highly of me, I'm not that selfless”, you hear the sound of a horn in front of your house, “I'm going on this date because he's hot”
Chan thought you were pretty in your everyday clothes but after seeing you ready for your date he just couldn't take his eyes off you. You're wearing a little sundress with thin straps holding your much too generous and low cleavage. Your hair is down and your lips are red with lipstick.
He's waiting for you outside of the car so he can open the door for you, but when you stop in front of him, he just doesn't move.
You frown, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Are you okay?” You ask and he snaps out of his daze.
“Yeah, you're just too pretty”, he tells you honestly, “I just couldn't believe I'm so lucky”
You feel your skin hotter, you're sure your whole face must be red like a tomato.
The restaurant you are going to have dinner at is a bit further than you thought, it takes at least one hour by car to get there.
“Were all the places close to the city closed?” You try making a joke and he smiles.
“Considering your personality, I thought you would like this place better”, he tells you while you go in. A person greets you two, leading you inside. There's no open space, the building is full of rooms and you're guided to one of those. There's a glass wall in the back of the room with a view to a lake and a waterfall, there's colorful lights everywhere, making it even more beautiful.
“So, when I was searching for a nice place to go on a date, I came across this one.” Chan starts speaking and you notice there's a small stove on top of the table. “There's no attendants, so we will cook our own food and only call them if we want more servings”, he explains, pulling the chair so you can sit.
“Oh”, you feel a weird feeling on your stomach, are these the butterflies your sister told you about? You never knew something like this existed and the fact that he was attentive enough to take your shyness into consideration while choosing the place of your date makes you melt inside. “Thank you”, you tell him after sitting.
You don't shut up the whole night. This is the first time you feel so comfortable with someone other than your family.
“So, you want to work with entertainment?” He asks surprised.
“Yes, I really like the whole thing about managing an artist, it sound exciting”, you smile happily, “who knows, maybe one day I can manage 3racha”
“You have heard 3racha?” Chan asks, surprised.
“I really like your music”, you tell him, “besides, everyone knows about you guys”
“Yeah, but I didn't know you knew about us”, he smiles charmingly, leaning on the table while clasping his hands. “So does that win me some points? Maybe a kiss?”
You already are red because of the wine, now you feel your whole face hot. You're already feeling a bit out of it, not drunk enough to make a bad decision but definitely drunk enough to lose a bit of your shyness.
“I don't know how to kiss”, you say simply, no further explanation.
Chan almost chokes on the air he just breathed, he didn't think you would be so blunt about it. Curiously, he finds your innocent face while saying that too enticing.
“I can help you with that”, he says, tilting his head and winking.
“Would you really?” You ask and he nods. “Like now?”
Chan didn't expect that to happen so soon, especially with someone as shy as you. But he won't refuse your offer.
“Are you done?” He asks, eagerly, standing up and you nod. Chan stretches his hand to you, waiting for you to hold it.
He takes you to his car, helping you get in and fastening your seatbelt. He's not in his right mind, not at all, he didn't even drink so why is he so excited? He doesn't think he ever felt this way about a kiss. He drives for a while, looking for the drive in movie theater he had read about while looking for the restaurant.
After fifteen minutes he parks his car behind others, there are a lot of people there to watch the movie.
You have your hands on your lap, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. It's so endearing how innocent you are.
“Would you like to take a seat?” He asks and you frown, looking around and then looking at him. You are already seated.
He tilts his head, chuckling and patting his lap. You nod so fast, it's embarrassing. He smiles, seeing you climb on top of him, legs are over the cup holder, you're using him as a literal seat.
“You never kissed anyone?” He asks, while you adjust yourself on top of him, his breath hitting your neck, making goosebumps rise all over your body. You shake your head, feeling a bit insecure, what if you are no good?
Chan bites on his lower lip, shifting a bit so you won't feel his hardening cock under you, you're just too cute, too sexy.
“Okay, I'll go slowly, we can stop anytime you want”, he tells you, brushing his hand on your arm all the way to your neck, making you close your eyes to his touch. He pulls your face closer, touching your lips with his, it's warm and soft, it feels like heaven.
He brings his other hand to your cheek, caressing. He pulls back a bit, just enough so he can speak.
“Open your mouth for me, baby”, he tells you and you obey instantly, feeling his lips back on yours. His tongue brushes against yours and you whine, lifting your hands to grab on his shoulders to steady yourself, causing your ass to rub on his cock. Chan groans, making you flinch, did you do something wrong?
He notices your hesitancy, so he slides his hand to your waist, squeezing you in reassurance.
“Are you sure you have never done this?” He asks playfully and you smile, shyly.
“Can- Can we do it again?” You whisper, making him chuckle. Dear god, would he be able to stop this with just kisses?
“Did you like kissing me, princess?” He teases, seeing you blush. Chan wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you even closer. He lands a kiss on your exposed collarbone, tracing kisses up to your neck.
“You smell so good”, he tells you before leaving a kiss on your jaw, then on your chin and finally a peck on your lips.
“Must taste even better”, he thinks, smiling to himself.
Your phone starts ringing, taking you two out of that hazy atmosphere. You feel embarrassed now, not believing you actually acted that way. Going back to your seat, you pick up the call, it's Yuna.
“Mom and dad are freaking out because you stopped moving for too long”, she whispers. Shit, you forgot your localization was turned.
“Tell them you called Chan and I'm alright, my phone just died”, you instruct her.
“Yeah, got it, just hurry”
Chan probably heard the conversation, but you still feel upset that he started the car right away and drove fast back to your home.
When you arrive in front of your house, you're not sure if you should kiss him goodnight or just wave, both are awkward options for you, so you go with the one you want the most.
You grab his arm and pull him closer to you, kissing him on the lips. Chan is quite surprised with your bold action, but he won't complain, he can't get enough of your lips.
“I will text you when I get home”, he says after pulling away and you nod.
You get out of the car and walk to your door, stealing glances at Chan. He's giggling at your antics, watching until you are safe inside your house.
He should be thankful to Jeongin, he's finally having a good time.
Chan is taking his mission seriously, he's texting you everyday and even stopped seeing all his fuck buddies. This is the closest he ever got to a relationship, but you're not official yet.
Especially not when you're avoiding him like the plague when it comes to meeting face to face. You answer his texts normally but he has to literally hunt you down so he can find you in this damn university and if you see him before he sees you, it's game over, you'll hide immediately and he has to begin his search all over again.
This time, though, he caught you off guard. You are at the library, seated alone, trying to focus on the book you have in your hands.
He smiles to himself, knowing you can't escape anymore. Chan leans over, caging your body with his two hands around you, gripping the table.
“I missed you, baby”, he whispers and you shiver, feeling butterflies on your stomach.
“H-hi”, you say, closing your book and taking a deep breath.
You will not try and pretend you didn't hide from him for almost a week. But that's not your fault, it's your brain's.
After Chan left you home, you ran to your room, still feeling all tingly and hot from kissing him. Since Yuna didn't come to your room you guessed she was already asleep, so you took your makeup off, took a long bath and snuggled in your nice sheets.
The thing is: you had the most lewd, filthy, awfully good dream that night. You could never even say the things Chan did to you in that dream out loud.
You woke up sweaty, heavy breathing and panties soaked, this never happened to you before.
You just couldn't look at his face after that, you felt dirty and guilty with having those thoughts about such a nice guy.
“Am I wrong or were you avoiding me?” He asks, not moving from behind you.
“No- I wasn't”, you turn around to look at him, bumping into his face too close from yours. He glances at your lips, biting his lower one and chuckles. “I was just, hm, kinda embarrassed”, you tell him, aware that he's going to know right away if you try lying.
“Embarrassed about what?” He asks, tilting his head.
“I don't know”, you look away, trying not to give in and tell him about your dream.
“I think you should come to my place so we can talk about it”, he says and you choke on your own spit, struggling to function correctly. Did he just ask you to go to his house? Just you? And him? Just the two of you?
The apartment is not far from the campus, it's a maximum twenty minutes walk. The building is nice and modern, it absolutely matches what you had imagined Chan’s place would look like.
His apartment is huge, it's not possible that he lives there alone.
“I have three roommates, Jisung and Changbin you already know and Hyunjin, he's an arts major”
“Hwang Hyunjin? I know him, he's friends with my sister”, Chan nods, he forgot your sister dates Jeongin, she probably knows his entire group of friends.
“Do you want to drink something?” He asks, looking at you while you walk around the living room, looking at every corner but not at him.
“Water is fine”, you say, looking at some pictures he has with his friends. He always has that breathtaking smile that makes all your insides turn around.
“What about watching a movie?” He asks out of nowhere, sitting on the sofa. He looks at you, an arm resting on the back of the sofa.
“Sure”, you walk to him, sitting on the far corner. Chan has to bite back a laugh so you won't feel embarrassed, do you really think it's so easy for you to get away from him?
He turns on the movie, adjusting himself on his seat. You're really trying to pay attention to what's going on on the screen, but you just can't. Not when Chan's scent is all over the place, making you remember about your dirty dream.
He knows you're restless, he can see you fidgeting by his peripheral vision.
“Are you uncomfortable?” He asks, turning his head towards you, with a smirk plastered on his lips. “Maybe you can sit here again, I'm sure you are going to like it better”, he pats on his lap.
You feel your face red.
“Stop teasing”, you mumble, pouting, “that's not nice”
He chuckles. If you're not coming to him, he has no problem going to you, so Chan slides his body closer, making you stare at him with a frown.
He raises his hand to your face, cupping it and caressing your cheek.
“Tell me you don't want this, princess, I'll stop”, he says. But you want this more than anything in the world, how could you not?
You lean a bit, trying to close the gap between your mouths. Oh, how much Chan missed your soft lips, he felt almost like going through a withdrawal staying so long without kissing you.
You learn fast, your mouth opens right away after your lips touch. In a bold move, your tongue is the one to look for his first, making him groan. He puts his right hand on your thigh, squeezing it harder than he predicted, but he didn't predict the bite you would give on his lip at that exact moment.
Chan grabs your hip, pulling you up to his lap, this time with a leg on each side of him. You're looking at him in that innocent way when all he has on his mind are the dirtiest thoughts. He caresses your thigh, sliding his hand to grab your ass and pulling you closer to him.
“Will you tell me now, why you were embarrassed? You looked pretty fine when I left you home after our date”, he asks and you blush instantly, oh, you forgot about the reason you are here. You can't tell him about your dream, you'll die of embarrassment if you do.
“It was- nothing”, you lie, avoiding his eyes. Chan noticed this already, you always look anywhere but him when you are lying to him.
Maybe he'll have to make you tell the truth.
“Really?” He says, skeptical. “Then you were just being mean? Playing with my feelings after just one date?” He's teasing, he knows you'll give in eventually, it's just a question of time.
“No, I wasn't”, you argue, with a frown on your face, your lips shut tight in a pout.
“Baby”, he calls, your legs would definitely give out if he called you like that while you were standing. “I don't like liars”
Chan slides his hands up to your ass, grabbing a handful and pulling you closer. You can already feel something hard beneath you, making you shift and adjust on his lap, involuntarily seeking some friction. Your core is aching, just by staying so close to him.
“I'm not lying, that's mean”, you try changing the subject and he chuckles.
Chan comes closer, lips brushing against yours, his breathing hitting on your mouth, everything just making the wet spot on your panties grow bigger and bigger. He kisses you, a nice and soft kiss with his tongue caressing yours gently.
Chan notices that you're moving your hips slightly, trying to feel his cock. He smiles during the kiss, pulling away while putting his hands on your hips, guiding your movements to be harder.
“Hm”, you whine, feeling his hard on giving you the friction you're looking for. His hand cups your cheek, pulling you closer into a kiss again.
You never felt this way, like ever. You did masturbate but it's different to do it with another person. It's just so good to feel Chan's touch on your skin, his breathing, his muscular arms holding you. You feel your orgasm coming, you can't believe you're going to cum by just rubbing yourself on this man.
Chan knows you're almost there, that's when he grabs your hips steadying you, not letting you move further. He earns a whine from you, an angry look on your face.
“I will only let you keep going if you tell me why you were embarrassed and avoided me”, he says cockyly and you shake your head, trying to move again but his grip on your hips is too strong.
“I don't wanna”, you tell him.
“Then, I guess you won't be cumming today”, he shrugs. “At least, not with me”, he smirks to your face becoming even redder.
“You're such a meanie”, you whine, pouting, still trying to move again but he just won't let you.
“Are you going to tell me what I want to know?” He tilts his head.
You ponder for a moment, what should you do? It's not going to end here, if you don't tell him right now, you're sure he won't let it go.
“I- I had a dream”, you start, trying to gather some courage.
“Uhm”, he nods, “what about it?” He asks curiously, feeling strangely aroused by the way you're looking around, lips pulled into a line and the way you're speaking leads him to believe you're talking about a wet dream.
“Li- like one of those dreams”, so he was right, did you have a wet dream about him? That's interesting.
“Hm, you'll have to be more specific, princess”, he pushes, “I don't think I know what you're talking about”
“I mean”, you groan, dropping your head to his shoulder so you won't feel his eyes on you. “A sex dream… with you”, you whisper.
The grin on Chan's face after you finish saying that, is priceless. He can feel his cock twitching, he's eager to know more.
“Tell me more about it”, he presses, “I really wanna know what happened in that dream that left you so embarrassed”
“Please, Chan. Don't make me say it”, you beg, but he's not having it. He likes seeing you blushing and struggling to talk dirty, it's endearing.
“No can do”, he grabs your shoulder to pull you away so he can look at your face. “I promise I'll give a nice reward if you tell me”
You nod. If he won't drop it, then you have to try and earn something over your embarrassing situation.
“I- like- you ate me out”, you start and he smiles, he would indeed love to do that. “And I s-sucked you off, it was nice”, you stumble over your words in each sentence. Chan can only feel even more turned on, your lips are so soft, he can't even picture what it would feel like to have them wrapped around him.
“Keep going, princess. You're doing great”, he reassures you. Chan loosens the grip on your hips, guiding your movements back and forth once again.
“And you said all these dirty things to me, I can't say it out loud, please”, he smirks, pulling you even closer and pressing your covered core against his cock.
“Did I tell you how good it felt to have your pretty little mouth sucking on my cock?” He asks playfully and you nod, feeling the warmth creeping in your face again while that tingly sensation grows bigger in your lower stomach.
“Did we fuck?” He asks, feeling himself getting closer to cum too.
“Yeah”, you nod frantically with your eyes closed shut. “You fucked me on all fours and in this same position too”, you tell him.
“Oh? Did you ride me? Did you like it?”
“I did”, you struggle to make your voice come out, feeling too light headed to even speak properly.
“There's something more, right, baby?” He feels his cock throbbing, he's almost at his limit.
“Yes, you- you choked me a bit, I liked that”, and that sentence was enough to make Chan reach his orgasm, being followed by you right after.
He can't believe he really did cum in his pants, like a fucking teenager. It's your fault actually, how can someone make him cum like this and still look angelic and innocent? Like you never told him he choked you and you liked it, even though it was a dream.
Chan kisses you eagerly this time, his chest is feeling hot and he feels a weird sensation on his stomach.
“You shouldn't feel embarrassed about this kind of thing”, he tells you and you nod, because it's true, “if it makes you feel better, I'm sure I had worse thoughts about you”, he smiles, seeing you blush.
“Like what?” You ask, curiously.
“Oh, I won't tell you”, he shakes his head, “you would never look at me again if you knew all the dirty things I wanna do to you”
Another week went by and now you were not avoiding Chan anymore. He follows you around pretty much all day at school, stealing kisses and pulling you to empty classrooms to have make out sessions.
It's time for him to meet your parents, it's not something he ever did, he never dated anyone after all. It's a Wednesday night, he brought flowers and a bottle of wine. So five minutes before the set time, he's knocking at your door.
Your sister opens up, greeting him but you're nowhere to be found until he hears your voice from upstairs.
“Is he already here?” You sound panicked and your sister giggles.
“Yes! Hurry up”, she says and Chan hears something falling and making a weird noise. It was not loud enough to be a person so he's not worried you fell, but he finds it funny to think about you nervously stumbling around.
When you show up at the top of the stairs, he has to blink a few times to actually believe you're real. You look so beautiful, showing your nice legs in a short skirt and your shoulders in a tank top.
“Hey”, you greet him, looking at the things he has in hands and he finally regains his composure.
“Hi”, he gives you a peck on the lips, “this is for you” he hands you a bouquet of red camellias.
You stop for a second, you never received flowers. Before you can answer him, your father's head is popping out of the living room.
“Why is it taking so long for you to bring this guy inside?”, he asks grumpy, he's not too happy about you dating but there's nothing he can do about it.
Chan straightens himself, walking to your father to greet him.
“Good night, sir. I'm Bang Chan”, he clears his throat when your father doesn't say a thing, just staring at him. “I brought this for you”, he shows the wine bottle and your father takes it.
“At least you have good taste”, he nods to the wine bottle Chan stole from his father's collection.
He turns around, shrugging to you and you smile, listening to your sister's chuckles. You take his hand into yours, interlacing your fingers.
In the living room there's a woman that looks too much like you and your sister to not be your mother, she smiles kindly at you two.
She's less intimidating than your father so Chan's greetings to her are less awkward this time. As time goes by, your parents warm up to him, making jokes and even telling him about your childhood.
“The night went great”, you say while walking Chan to his car. “Thank you for coming”
“Your parents are great”, he says, leaning on the door of his car. He takes your hands in his and pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Thank you for inviting me”
He looks so good tonight, his dark hair is carefully styled and he's wearing much more formal clothes than usual, making him look like a prince.
“Can I have a good night’s kiss?” He asks, slyly, seeing you eyeing him up. You nod, putting your hands on his chest and closing the gap between your mouths. Chan's hands slide from your waist to your ass, squeezing slightly, he can't get too into it since he won't be able to go further than a kiss tonight.
You pull away from him when you have to breathe, his lips are so inviting you could kiss him all night long.
“I will see you tomorrow”, he tells you.
There's something wrong with his heart, it's beating so fast he thinks he may be dying. After driving away from you, he calms himself a bit. It's not possible that you were the cause of that reaction, right? This is supposed to be fun, he only has to date you for a while and then break up, no strings attached. So why does he feel such hurt in his chest after thinking about leaving you?
After one more long and sleepless night Chan realized something: he is in love. This feeling snuck in so unexpectedly he didn't even notice he was falling in love. Chan never fell in love before, so he can only guess that this is how it feels to love someone.
He notices every little detail about you, he jokes around all the time waiting to hear you laugh about something he says. Chan likes the way you smell, the way you smile, the way you just look at him so focused while he is speaking. He is in love with your personality, your cleverness, your kindness, your beauty is just a bonus that makes him even more in love with you.
He wants to confess to you, ask you to be his girlfriend, to never leave him.
He even asked for your sister's help to make something for you, maybe a song, he can definitely make something beautiful and romantic for you. Maybe he can cook too, he wants to make you feel appreciated.
He's waiting for your class to finish, seated on the bench in front of the classroom while scrolling through his phone.
He feels someone sitting by his side and before he can look, a kiss lands onto his cheek. Chan puts his hand on his face, blushing and you laugh seeing his reaction. You two did much more than just a kiss on the cheek, why is he embarrassed about it?
“Did you miss me?” You ask him and he rolls his eyes.
“Of course I did”, he grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers. “Should we go to my place?” He asks and you nod, standing up, pulling him to get up too.
It's still a bit weird that you two are together, you never thought liking someone as much as you like Chan could actually happen to you, you could even say you're in love. The only thing that still makes you doubtful is the fact that he didn't ask you to be his girlfriend yet, you have been going out for a month and you do everything together, so why hasn't he made it official?
You still have many questions in your mind, sitting on Chan's bed while he makes popcorn and you choose the movie you're watching tonight.
He enters the room, closing the door and turning off the lights, two water bottles and a huge bowl in his hands.
“What movie did you choose?” He asks, but you can't hear it, your mind is too loud. “Y/N? Are you alright?” He asks, snapping you out of your thoughts.
“Are we exclusive?” You ask out of nowhere, ripping the air out of his lungs.
“Yes”, he says firmly, “do you want to be with other people?”
Chan asked that, but he's holding his breath until you answer him, hoping you're going to deny. For a moment, you don't say a thing and seeing you hesitate makes his heart ache.
“No, I-” you try speaking, trying not to sound ridiculous, “I want to be exclusive, I just don't know if you want that”
Chan takes a deep breath, putting the things he has in hands on the nightstand.
“Of course, I want to”, he takes your hand into his, bringing it to his mouth so he can kiss the palm. He's feeling guilty, he's taking his time preparing a nice confession but you're feeling insecure. “I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't want things to get more serious”, he climbs on the bed, getting closer to you, “let me show you that you're the only one I want, hum? Can I?”
You suck on your teeth, knowing exactly what is about to happen but you just can't say no to him, let's be real, you don't want to say no to him. So you nod, making him smile.
Chan is eager to have you, he has been for weeks, just waiting for you to be ready to give yourself to him. He cups your face, pulling you closer and kissing you.
He helps you lay down on the bed, towering over you while landing kisses down your neck. You feel him biting on your shoulder and he brings his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it up. His hands travel around your body, making you hotter.
“You're so pretty, princess”, he says, kissing your chest. You whine, he's taking too much time to get to the place you want the most.
“Channie”, you whisper, “please, touch me”, you ask him.
His smile grows bigger as he mumbles “your wish is my command”. Chan unbuttons your pants, pulling them down your legs, throwing it someplace in the room.
He slides his hand down to your core, your underwear is soaked. He pulls your panties down your legs and brushes a finger along your folds, collecting the wetness before inserting a finger inside, you arch your back to the feeling. It's delicious, but it hurts a bit. It's different from how it feels doing it alone.
“Is this okay?” He asks and you nod. “You're such a good girl, baby, all wet and ready for me.” He whispers, getting closer to your face again. I'm going to put another one”, he tells you. The sensation it's too much already, his fingers are too much.
“Chan”, you moan, “I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that”
“Oh? But I didn't even get to the better part”, he answers pressing his thumb on your clit, making circles.
“Fuck”, you whine.
His smirk grows while he keeps the movement of back and forth inside of you. Before he can tease you more, your legs are shaking and your tight hole is clenching around his fingers. You put your hand on your mouth, covering it so you won't make a loud sound, but he doesn't like that. He wants to hear how well he's fucking you.
“Let's not do that, okay? I want you to be loud, want to hear you scream my name” He says, pulling his fingers out of you and sliding them on his mouth. He comes closer, kissing your neck and face, helping you calm down after your orgasm.
Goosebumps rise all over your body, his kisses feel like fire on your skin, you thought you'd feel less horny after cumming, but you're still so turned on.
Chan kisses your chest, opening your bra. You feel embarrassed when he sees you completely naked.
“You're still dressed”, you point out, face red.
He gets out of the bed immediately, taking his shirt off and his pants too, crawling back to you in only his underwear. His cock is hard, outlined by the thin fabric of his boxers.
You feel the urge to touch him, maybe taste it. So you grab his length, making him groan.
“What are you doing, princess?” He asks, eyes closed from the pleasure of having your beautiful hands wrapped around him.
“I want to make you feel good”, you tell him, pushing his chest and making him fall on his back on the bed. You kiss his neck the same as he was doing to you, suddenly feeling possessive and sucking on the skin, leaving a few hickeys there.
You go down, kissing his chest and stomach, getting closer and closer to his throbbing cock. You pull his underwear down and his cock spring on your face.
“I just- you need to teach me”, you tell him. How can you look at him with such innocence in your eyes when you're about to suck him off?
“Hold the base”, he instructs, “now you can go up and down with your hand.”
 He feels your movements, making him groan. You are bolder than he gives you credit for, since you lick the head of his cock without being told to. You wrap his dick with your mouth, waiting for the next command.
“You can go up and down, princess, yes, like that” he moans, feeling his cock being embraced by your warm mouth.
Chan feels like exploding any time now, weeks of pent-up sexual tension being released. He sees you rubbing yourself on his bed while sucking on him, that just makes him crazier, he wants to make you feel good now, he can let you do the same for him another time.
“Baby”, you hear him say and you stop your movements. “I won't be able to last long with your soft mouth doing that, I need to feel you around my cock”
You nod, letting go of his cock and climbing up, stopping on top of Chan.
“I wanna be on top”, you say confidently.
“Let's do it slowly okay? I don't want to hurt you”, Chan tells you and you agree.
He grabs the base of his cock, brushing the head on your folds, trying to wet it enough to make it easier for you.
It feels like heaven when his cock finally slides inside of you, you're so tight he feels like he can cum at any moment.
Chan sees the pain in your eyes, he doesn't move, “do you want to stop?” He asks worriedly, putting his hands on your hips to stop you from moving but you shake your head.
You keep pushing it in, trying to relax. Chan kisses you, massaging your breasts to help you relax a bit.
When the painful part is gone and you're feeling all the good sensations back, you don't think you can stop, it's too addictive. You start riding on him freely, hands taking support on his chest and head thrown back, the pleasure is just too much, you'll be coming soon.
“Fuck, you look so good riding me, princess”, he says, feeling his own high almost catching him.
“Oh, Channie, I'm gonna cum”, you whine, fastening the movements of your hips, “please, oh, your cock feels so good”
For someone who couldn't talk about a wet dream a few weeks ago you sure talk dirty in real life, Chan chuckles, feeling you clenching around him and when you squeeze his cock for the last time he cums too, filling you up.
You collapse on top of him, breathing heavily. Your eyes are heavy, you're not sure if you can stay awake. Chan caresses your back and plays with your hair, making you fall fast asleep.
You wake up feeling just a bit sore. You're on cloud nine, the night was amazing. When you open your eyes, there's no one in the bed with you. You wrap yourself in the blankets trying to find and collect all your clothes scattered around the room.
The delicious smell that embraces your nose the moment you step out of the room, is enough to make you drool.
Chan is in the kitchen, dressed in nothing but sweatpants and an apron. That's right, he's shirtless. You're feeling bold today, so you get closer to him wrapping your arms around his waist in a back hug.
He lets out a laugh, putting his hand over yours and turning off the stove. He turns around, hugging you.
“Did you sleep well?” He asks, kissing your forehead and you nod, snuggling in his embrace.
“Why didn't you wake me earlier? I woke up missing you”
“Ow, my baby is so needy”, he teases, making you pout. “I was making you, breakfast”
“Hm”, you look at what he was cooking.
“How are you feeling?” He asks, a bit worried, it was your first time after all.
“I'm doing great”, you smile, “just a bit sore, but it's nothing”
He nods, putting his hands on your shoulders and turning you around.
“I'm happy to hear that”, he kisses the top of your head, guiding you to take a seat on the table. “Let's eat so we can go for another round then”, he smirks.
“Jeongin is coming here today?” You ask your sister and she nods frantically while fixing her hair.
“He's coming to ask dad's permission to date me”, she giggles excitedly.
“Alright”, you smile seeing your sister so happy.
You're the one opening the door for Jeongin while your sister is getting ready, he's clearly nervous but he's trying to keep his smile.
“Hey!” You give space for him to enter, “Yuna is almost done”
He nods, looking around. Your sister comes down minutes later, leading Jeongin to the living room.
Your father is less hostile to him than he was to Chan, maybe it's because Jeongin is adorable.
After an hour of conversation, you go upstairs, you have a date tonight and need to get ready.
The memories from your night with Chan flood your mind making you giggle and kick your feet, they have been your most cherished thoughts lately. It's a struggle but you finally end your bath after probably an hour.
You walk back to your room, you're already late. However, you stop in front of your sister's room when you hear voices being a little bit too loud.
“You did what, Jeongin?” your sister's voice is a pitch higher than usual.
“I didn't think things would get out of hand”, Jeongin answers, are they fighting?
“In what world did you think that was a good idea?”
“I was desperate, I'm not proud of that”, he answers back.
“There's no excuse for you to ask Bangchan to date my sister”, she tries speaking lower but you still can hear them. Your whole world crumbles with that one sentence, what does she mean by that?
“I didn't do it to be mean, I know how hard it is for your sister to get to meet new people, I thought it would benefit the both of us”, he tries explaining. Your heart is beating too fast, the throbbing in your ears grows stronger and your legs are giving out.
“How am I supposed to tell her now? She is so happy” Yuna cries out. “Don't come any closer, get out of here”, you panic instantly, they can't see you there. But you're too slow, when you finally manage to move Jeongin is swinging the door open. He stops on his tracks, turning white on the spot.
“Y/N-”, he tries to speak, but you run to your room before he can say anything else.
You can't believe this is actually happening to you, you thought that someone finally liked you but everything was a lie? That's not possible, right?
You are going to go to Chan, you two have a date, and he is going to tell you that Jeongin is lying, that he was just joking.
The uber to Chan's apartment doesn't seem to show up fast enough and the ride there couldn't be slower. You're restless, fidgeting with your fingers and shaking your legs.
You pay the man, practically running out of the car and running upstairs. The person who opens the door is not Chan but Changbin, you met him a few times when you were visiting the apartment.
“Hey, y/n”, Changbin greets you. “Chan is not home, but he will be here soon, I heard you have a date”, he says, letting you in.
“I'm going to wait for him in his room”, you tell him, too disturbed to worry about proper manners.
You walk back and forth in the room, anxiously waiting for Chan's arrival. You hear his voice after twenty minutes, he's talking to his friend in the living room when Changbin tells him you're there.
You can hear the fast footsteps leading to where you are, you take a deep breath, trying not to cry.
“Hey, baby”, Chan smiles at you, dropping his bag on the floor and walking towards you with open arms. “Did something happen?” He stops, noticing your face.
You stare at him for a minute, brows knit together and eyes trying to find the least bit of sincerity in the time you two spent together.
“Did you ask me out as a favor to Jeongin?” You ask and his standing falter, how did you find out?
“L-let me explain”, he says, taking a step closer to you.
“So you did”, you feel the tears trying to escape from your eyes.
“Please, just… just hear what I have to say”, he asks, trying to hold your hand, but you pull away from him.
“I don't want to hear a thing from you”, you tell him, running your hands through your hair.
It really was all a lie. How could you be so dumb?
You walk past him, trying to get out of the room, go anywhere but there. But Chan grabs your arm, making you stop in your tracks.
“Please, don't leave”, he begs. You feel a pang in your chest, but it doesn't make a difference since you're already hurting too much.
“You have no right to ask me that”, you pull your arm out of his grasp and walk out of the apartment.
It would be too humiliating to enter the uber while bawling your eyes out, so you decide to walk. You walk for a long time before your feet start hurting and your eyes are burning from how much you cried. You can't believe you really let yourself fall pray to such a scheme, you thought you were smarter than that.
It's obvious you only fell for it because it's Chan, you were attracted to him since the first time you laid eyes on him. You try to believe that it wouldn't be that easy to trick you if it was anyone else.
After at least two hours, you finally reach your house and you're feeling utterly miserable. You greet your parents and walk upstairs, anxiously searching for your room so you can finally let yourself fall and cry as much as you can.
Your sister is seated on your bed, biting on her nails. She stands up as soon as she sees you.
“I'm really sorry”, she says, teary.
You sigh, feeling the weight on your chest even heavier.
“It's not your fault”, you tell her. You start to undress, looking for your pajamas so you can snuggle on your bed until all of this passes.
“I shouldn't have started dating before you”, she whines.
“I don't blame you, so stop doing that to yourself”, you say, even though you feel a bit of resentment because Jeongin likes her truly, he likes her because she's her. Of course no one's going to like you, you're… you.
“But”, she bites on her lower lip, not sure if she should say this, “I think Chan really likes you-”, she stops talking when you give her the meanest glare you ever threw in someone's way.
“I don't want to hear it”, you say.
“He even asked help so he could confess to you in a way you would like”, she continues.
“I'm not going to repeat myself”, you say and your sister knows that tone too well, it's better for her to stay silent for the time being. “If you're done, I would like to be alone”
Yuna nods, glancing at you all the way to the door.
You collapse on your bed, finally able to cry your eyes out without people looking at you in a weird way. This is the moment you realize how much you love Bang Chan, the pain you're feeling is greater than anything you ever felt in your whole life, you truly don't think you'll be able to survive this.
Chan is an idiot, he knows this and you are right to never look at his face again. But even though he knows you're right, he can't accept the thought of you leaving him.
He tried calling and texting you, you blocked him. He tried talking to your sister, she cursed him out and told him to leave you alone. She and Jeongin are on bad terms right now but they didn't break up yet.
He tried to find you in the university, but you didn't show up for the entire week, he just doesn't know what to do.
“You are an idiot”, Hyunjin says after listening to the whole story, “you should have told her about it while you still had time”
“I didn't know I was in love”, Chan runs his hands through his hair, “not until it was too late”
His friend sighs, he just can't see Chan like that anymore. He's just miserable, he looks like he's dying and Hyunjin doesn't doubt it could actually happen at this point.
So as a good friend, he takes this matter into his own hands and calls your sister, trying to convince her to listen to Chan and maybe forgive Jeongin too, Hyunjin is tired of him whining all day long.
“Did you really call me here for this?”, Yuna asks, ready to grab her things and go home.
“Hear me out, okay?” He says. “I know what they did was wrong but they regret it, Jeongin even told you about it”
She huffs, crossing her arms.
“He told me because I was talking about how Chan wanted to ask y/n to be his girlfriend”, she says. “He felt guilty, he would have never told me about it otherwise”
“Chan really likes y/n, he really wants to be with her”
Yuna sighs, she knows that. There was no way Chan could fake the way he looked at you.
“She's not going to believe that”, Yuna says, “y/n is heartbroken, she's not even going to her classes. She just stays in her room all day, crying’
“There's nothing better to fix her broken heart then”, Hyunjin points out, “let's help them meet, they can talk things out that way”
“She doesn't want to see him”, Yuna sighs, “but I do think this is the best solution”
“Okay, I'll text you the day and time, just bring y/n, Chan will take care of the rest”
Yuna nods, collecting her things but before she can stand up, Hyunjin's voice sounds again.
“About Jeongin-”, he starts, but she cuts him off right away.
“This whole mess started because of Jeongin”, she takes a deep breath, “after y/n and Chan resolve this matter I'll see what I'm going to do about him”
Yuna turns around, leaving Hyunjin there. At least he got Chan a chance, he can't save everyone.
Chan can't take it anymore, he has to see you. So he musters all the courage he has and goes to your house. It doesn't help that it's 2 a.m. so everyone is sleeping, except you it seems, since there's light coming from your room.
He begins throwing rocks at your window, trying to make you notice him and after a few tries he sees your face popping out.
Chan wishes he didn't come at all, your face is puffy so he knows you have been crying and the way you're looking at him, it's just awful, he feels despicable. More than he has felt all this time without you.
“What do you want?” You ask, at least you didn't ignore him.
“Can you come down for a bit?”
You sigh, you don't actually want to, but you're afraid he'll make too much noise trying to convince you to go down and wake up the neighbors or even worse, your parents.
You close the window, he knew it would be hard, that you wouldn't want to see him. Before he can turn around and walk away, Chan hears the sound of the front door opening.
You are in your pajamas, holding yourself trying to protect your body from the cold air.
You stop in your tracks, looking at him with an intense gaze, like you can read all his thoughts and know about all his mistakes.
“How have you been?” He asks and you scoff.
“Are you here to survey my mood? I have been feeling like shit, what about you?” He remembers the first time he talked to you, how he wished to see you mad, now he regrets that. He never wanted to see you mad at him.
“I'm not well either”, he says.
You sigh.
“Now that we know how each other is feeling, you can go”, you tell him.
“Can you let me explain?” He pleads.
“Did you start dating me as a favor for Jeongin?” You ask and he sighs, nodding. “That's all I need to know, I would appreciate it if you don't come looking for me anymore”, you say, turning around and going back inside. Tears start running down your face while you go back to your room, when will this pain subside?
You are finally back at school, after moping around all day at home for an entire week, you decided it was time to get back to your life. Staying at home just made you feel worse, you didn't have a thing to distract yourself so you ended up thinking about Chan the whole time. That only weakened your resolve to forget about him, you avoided coming to school because you knew you would give in if he tried to approach you.
Your day goes by fast enough and you just want to go home to lay on your bed. You feel your phone buzzing, it's a message from Jeongin. You were so angry with Chan that you forgot to block him.
He should be begging to meet Yuna, so why is he asking to meet you? Maybe he wants your help to fix things between them.
You don't know why you decided to meet him, maybe it's curiosity to know why he did such a thing to you or maybe you want to look at his face and curse at him.
He arrives at the cafe at the set time, looking around for you and walking towards you when his eyes lock with yours.
“Hey”, he says, sitting in front of you. You don't say anything back, not in the mood to be polite.
Jeongin sighs, he expected this much.
“I wanted to talk with you about this whole situation, believe me I didn't mean to hurt you even though it ended up happening in the end-”
“I considered you my friend”, you say making him stop talking.
“I- I'm”, he says, voice a pitch higher.
“Friends don't do what you did”, you say and he nods.
“I know it was an ill executed plan, but my intentions weren't bad, I swear”, he tells you.
“And do your intentions matter if I was the one hurt in the end?” You ask, angrier now.
“No”, he answers. “I'm truly sorry, I swear, I just caught you staring at Chan more than once. I thought this would be good for us both but I was clearly wrong”
You huff, exhausted. You start collecting your things to go home but you hear Jeongin's voice once more.
“Chan really likes you, he fell in love with you”, he says and your heart skips a beat, it shouldn't be behaving like this, not after the heartbreak you are going through.
“I don't care, he lost his chance”, you answer firmly, even though you know it's not true.
“Are you sure?” Jeongin asks, “are you sure you won't regret it? Not let him explain or not hearing him out?”
You glance at him once more, before standing up and walking out of the cafe.
Your mid terms are finally over, that means, you don't have anything to study so you're stuck with your thoughts. Your phone buzzes in your pocket, it's a message from Yuna, asking you to meet her in the arts department.
You reply, saying you'll be there in a moment. What is she even doing there? She's a business major.
The arts department is not far from yours, but it's emptier than you are used to. She asked you to meet in the first classroom of the second floor.
When you open the door, the first thing you see is Bang Chan. He looks awful, worse than you even.
You try going back, but he already saw you, so he stands up, coming closer.
“Don't leave, I'll do anything just… don't leave”
He's pale, and the eyebags he normally has are darker than usual.
“Are you sick?” You ask, worried. It's not like you can stop loving him in such a short period of time, of course you're worried.
“No”, he says, “I mean, I'm not feeling well, but I don't think I have an illness”
You nod, feeling awkward. It's been a while since you felt this way about him.
“Okay, then I'll get going”, you say trying to leave, but his voice stops you.
“I love you”, he is desperate, you can hear it in his voice. However, you're too petty.
“This was part of Jeongin’s plan too?”, you scoff, seeing his lips trembling.
He takes a deep breath, he deserves that, he knows he does.
“I really started going out with you because Jeongin asked”, he starts explaining, “but I fell in love with you, for real”
You feel your heart ache once more, he's about to cry, you can see it. But you're not sure if you can forgive him, even if what he's telling you is true.
“I don't believe you”, you say, shrugging, trying to hold your own tears.
“I will do anything to prove it to you, just say what I need to do for you to believe me”, he says, taking a step closer to you.
“I'm not sure if I'll be able to forget this or even forgive you, Chan”, you sigh, letting your heart speak and not your anger.
“I know I messed up, I don't deserve you I know that too”, he grabs your hand, “but please, I'll prove to you that I deserve a second chance, I'll earn back your trust”, he pleads.
You sigh, even after all this, it seems you still can't say no to him.
“I'm going to need some time”, you say slowly, “but I will give you a second chance, you better not ruin it”, you say.
Chan can't believe you're really going to try and forgive him, he can't ask for anything more.
“I won't disappoint you this time, I promise”, he says, kissing the palm of your hand, the same way he did before.
“Let's see about that”, you sigh, feeling your heart beating fast once again.
You may be making a stupid choice, but you'll only learn by making mistakes. You just sure hope this is not one.
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A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback gives me motivation to keep writing.
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that-sarcastic-writer · 11 months
Text
Say it
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Pairing: RE4R!Leon S. Kennedy X F!Reader
Summary: After coming back from Spain, Leon has been acting distant. You think seeing a face from the past has messed with his feelings, and he wants to prove you that is not the case.
Takes place after the events of re4 remake, mentions the events of RE2 remake as well
Warnings: explicit sexual content, minors dni, oral (fem receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (pls wrap it before you tap it), p in v, creampie, choking, praise kink, soft dom leon, he talks you through it, they're both just desperate for each other, the s in leon s kennedy stands for slut, language, established relationship
WC: 4.4k
A/N: I've been thinking about this mf ever since I played the remake. So I wrote this self indulgent piece of filth. This is my first time writing for him so pls be kind. Enjoy :)
You can also read this over at Ao3 (but pls still reblog and shit here thank u)
Leon Kennedy Masterlist
Creds of gift above to this tumblr
Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!
You knew you had no right to be upset, not when you knew damn well what he went through. Or more so, you didn’t actually know what he went through, so you couldn’t possibly imagine what was going through his head right now. But still, you knew something else was in his head, and it wasn’t just the horrors he had to deal with to come back alive from Spain. There was something else in his mind. You knew it.
This silence, it was killing you. Leon wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, not after Raccoon City, but for the better part of a decade, you learned to be comfortable with his silence. Right now though, you just felt uncomfortable.  
“Want me to pour you one?”
Oh he speaks.
You lifted your head from the pile of papers on your lap at the sound of his voice, you saw him standing in front of the small cabinet where he kept all of his alcohol, glass and bottle of expensive whiskey in hand. You half smiled at him and shook your head. 
“Not right now, thank you.” You watched him shrug in response and take a long sip of his glass, before he walked over to join you on the couch. But he sat on the opposite end.
You frowned a bit when he sat so far, but you chose to not comment on it and instead brought your attention back to your paper. A good five minutes went by, and you had made zero improvements, you hadn't even picked up the pen again, so Leon spoke again.
“How’s the paper coming along?” He asked with a clear of his throat as he sat back, propping his feet up on the coffee table in front of him and his head was turned in your direction.
You sighed heavily, “It’s not. I can’t for the life of me come up with the right words.” You groaned softly as you threw your head back and rubbed your tired eyes.
You were in the same place you were a little less than a week ago, when Leon left to find Ashley Graham in the middle of nowhere Spain, not knowing if you’d ever see him again or not. You couldn’t even sleep, or eat, let alone focus on a paper. And although Leon was now home, alive, you were still preoccupied. 
“And that is exactly why I dropped out.” 
“This is a Phd program, not my second year of undergrad. Undergrad was nowhere near as bad as this.” You snorted softly and shot him a look. He gave you an annoyed look knowing you were teasing him. “Besides, what you do is way worse than some paper. Fighting weird cults and bioweapons or whatever they’re called.”
“Yeah..” He scoffed out a laugh, but it wasn’t humorous. His expression quickly turned serious as he looked down at his lap. You could see the way his grip tightened the slightest bit around his glass and his jaw ticked.
He had been home a few days by now, having stayed in D.C for a few days to finish all of the report and briefing, and you hadn’t talked about what had happened to him in Spain, just that Ashley was safe, and some weird cult was behind it all, but he couldn’t say much more, or maybe just didn’t want to. Regardless, any mention of it would make him tense up. 
He got quiet, and his eyes not once looked your way again. You bit the inside of your cheek and sat up, leaning over your knees to be able to reach him.
“Leon,” You said his name softly and a gentle hand touched his leg. You felt him tense up, but he didn’t make any attempts to move away from your touch. “Are you okay?”
You didn’t care if he didn’t want to open up, you didn’t expect him to, and you would never force him to, but you wanted him to know you would listen if he did.
A shaky exhale left his lips, but he nodded. “Yeah baby, I’m good.” He answered after a few seconds, forcing a smile and forced himself to look your way, but his eyes never met with yours.
God this was killing you. 
Before you could respond, he downed the rest of his whiskey before rising to his feet and he started walking without saying a word. Oh no. Absolutely not. If there was something that made your blood boil, it was him walking away in the middle of a conversation. The avoidance. That was something you couldn’t deal with. 
“Leon.” You called his name firmly as you stood up and looked at him with a frown. He turned around with an exasperated spin and a tight jaw, frustration already starting to show. “Do not give me that look, Leon Kennedy.”
He smacked his tongue softly, holding back the urge to roll his eyes, “I’m not. I’m just..” He didn’t finish his sentence, he just sighed out loudly.
You let out your own sigh as you walked to stand in front of him. You stared up at him, eyes big as you met his pale blue ones. They looked emptier and less bright every time he came back from a mission, but this look, this look that screamed he was having a mental hurricane, he only had it after Raccoon City. 
“Baby I know… I don’t, I don’t know what you saw, or did in Spain, and I know you’re having a hard time right now. I just..” You sighed shakily, bringing your hands up to hold his face between them. He tensed up again, his jaw clenching and unclenching as his head hung low, but he said nothing and didn’t move away either. “See, this is what I mean. You don’t even want me to touch you. I want to comfort you, I want to help, but you won’t let me. I thought.. I thought we were past that.”
Your hands were at your sides now, and you had taken a step back from him. That seemed to make him look at you, now with big eyes full of guilt, like he hadn’t even realized he was rejecting you. He had been in his own head, not being able to forget the events of Spain, and not being able to sort out his feelings like he knew he should have. God, had he been acting like this the whole time he was home? Rejecting your attempts at comfort? 
“Baby..” He stepped forward, closing the gap you had just created, but he didn’t touch you. He just looked at you, lips parted. He didn’t know how to tell you. “It’s not that.. And it’s not you. In Spain.. There was someone else on that island..”
You stared at him with confusion at first, unsure what exactly that had to do with this. His eyes searched for yours with this guilt ridden and conflicted look. The same look he gave you after Raccoon City. The same one he gave you before he told you he needed time. And then it dawned on you. 
Someone else. 
“You saw her again, didn’t you?” Realization quickly flashed over your face, and that quickly turned into a mixture of anger and hurt as your gaze hardened. Leon saw it. “That’s what it is. You saw Ada. You saw Ada and now you have your balls all twisted up. Again.”
Now it was you who was walking away from him. You weren’t even going to argue this time, and you didn’t want to wait for him to tell you he needed time again. You were halfway up the stairs when Leon started to call your name, but you ignored him and simply turned the corner into your shared bedroom. 
“Shit.” He cursed to himself, sprinting after you, missing two steps and nearly tripping up the stairs in the process. 
By the time he made it to your bedroom you already had a backpack thrown on the bed as you aggressively threw clothes into it. His eyes widened with slight panic when he realized what you were doing.
“Hey, woah. It’s the middle of the night, where the hell are you going?” He huffed, walking back and forth between the bed and your dresser as you continued to aggressively toss clothes on the bed.
“Claire’s. Move.” You muttered as you stopped on your heels when Leon stood right in front of you, arms folded over his chest like a wall between you and your dresser. “Leon, I swear to God.”
“Just listen. It wasn’t like that. Nothing happened, sweetheart I swear.” God he wanted to hold you so bad, he didn’t realize just how much until now. But he didn’t reach for you, he kept his arms over his chest, afraid you would backhand him if he tried. 
“Yeah, ‘cause you probably realized she was just using you again, so you had no other choice but to come back home to me, and not with her, right?” You scoffed, the hurt and betrayal clear in your voice. He opened his mouth, but you didn’t even let him speak, “And before you ask me for time to sort out your feelings, I'm just gonna go stay at Claire’s, and maybe don’t bother looking for me this time.” 
You grabbed the backpack from the bed with whatever you managed to shove in there and started to walk to the door. But Leon was faster than you, stronger too. And before you could step foot outside that bedroom, he had closed the door and backed you into it, both of his hands pressed flat on the door on either side of your head. Your eyes were wide when you looked at him, lips parted but he didn’t let you speak this time.
“Do not say another word, don’t you fucking dare. Just listen to me.” He stressed every word with an authority that instantly made you close your mouth. You blinked a couple of times but didn’t dare say a word. So he continued. “Get this through your head, Ada means absolutely nothing to me anymore. She asked me to go with her, after everything and I.. I said no. I said no ‘cause I want nothing to do with her. I said no ‘cause I wanted to come home to you.”
“Leon..”
He shook his head at you as one of his hands gripped your jaw tightly and he bowed his head to speak closely to you. “I know I’ve been an asshole to you these past few days, I didn't realize I was shutting you out, and I’m sorry. But know that I would never chose Ada over you, not now, not fucking ever. I love you and I’m gonna marry you someday, don’t ever question that.”
You could hear your own breath, his breath, and he kept a tight grip on your jaw as his nose brushed against yours. You closed your eyes and sigh left your lips as you leaned in to press your lips against his, but he pulled back enough to leave you chasing.
"Stay here. Please baby." His voice was low and almost desperate. Fuck, you wanted him take you right then and there. You couldn't even speak, you just nodded, eyes still closed and lips parted. "Say it." 
"Yes. Yes, I'll stay, just.." You breathed out the words, mirroring his desperate tone as you clenched your fists around his t-shirt, pulling his body flush against yours. "Please." 
His mouth came crashing down against yours so hard he pulled a gasp from your throat. But it quickly turned into a whimper when he angled your head back, allowing him to slip in his tongue. And you happily allowed him to do so as his other hand gripped the back of your thigh. 
"Up." He mumbled against your lips as he nearly effortlessly hoisted you up, you instinctively wrapped your legs around his torso.
He walked the short distance to the bed, fingers squeezing your thigh and lips never leaving yours. He only pulled away when he laid you down on the mattress. You were about to whine when he leaned back, but you only managed to suck in a sharp breath as you watched him pull his t-shirt over his head. Your eyes landed on the bruises and injuries he had come home with, a large knife cut across his bicep, now slightly pink as it began to heal, another smaller one above his collarbone, less angry looking, and more purple bruises than you could count, but they were starting to heal as well. Goddamn, even bruised he was the most gorgeous man you have ever seen. Clearly you must've been distracted by the absolute sight that was your boyfriend because you didn’t realize he started to undress you as well until he pulled your t-shirt -that was actually one of his old ones- over your head. He flashed you with a grin and a look that was outright filthy before he leaned down and wrapped his lips around one of your breasts while one of his hands played with the other. 
The whimper that fell from your lips was almost pathetic, and you couldn’t help but arch your back further into Leon’s mouth, his lips sending shocks of electricity down your spine.
“Please Leon.” You weren’t exactly sure what you were begging for, but you were begging.
He pulled back from your breast with a hum, and tilted his head at you, “Please what?” You gave him a pitiful look, and made a sound resembling a whine. He simply stared at you with feign innocence, “What, baby? What do you want? Tell me.” 
Oh Leon S. Kennedy. That S didn’t stand for Scott, it stood for stubborn, because he had to have his way, no matter what.
You made the same pathetic noise, instinctively trying to rub your thighs together to give yourself to relief, but of course, Leon’s body was right in the fucking way, “Please I want.. Ugh fuck sakes Leon. I want your mouth, I want your cock, I want all of you, please.”
Leon had this smug smirk on his lips and he hummed, satisfied with your pathetic pleads, “Alright baby, this is what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna make you come on my tongue, then you can come on my cock all you want. Would you like that?” 
God, the look you gave him right then made him want to split you wide open. That look of pure need that you could only give him, that you have only given him. And you nodded with so much eagerness it was almost adorable. 
“Do you remember how to speak sweetheart?” He asked with this mocking voice and a smirk that made you pull your lips into a small pout as you nodded, and then he smiled at you, head tilted, “Then use your words. Say ‘yes Leon’.”
This motherfucker.
You grumbled a whine of annoyance, for a moment feeling defiant, but Leon quickly gave you a warning look, a look that had you backing down pretty fucking quick, “Yes Leon.” You finally said, hoping that would get you what you wanted.
So he is stubborn, and an arrogant asshole. Checks out.
He gave you a satisfied smirk, and planted a hard kiss to your lips before he moved down the bed. He pressed his lips to your stomach as he pulled your pajama pants down your legs, your panties quickly following. You shivered softly when the cold air hit your core, but the cold was quickly replaced with his warm breath. His pale sapphire eyes found yours for a second as he threw your legs over his broad shoulders, pulling you closer to his face. He dragged his tongue from your entrance to your clit and drew his tongue over the sensitive bud. The sounds that were coming from your mouth were anything but subtle. Your hands instantly flew to clutch his long hair. And while you might have not intended to pull, when two of his fingers slipped into you to join the rhythm of his tongue, you just couldn’t help yourself. You pulled, and fucking hard. He growled, sending vibrations through your core that had you gasping and he dug his other hand into your thigh as he forced you still on the mattress. 
“Oooh fuck, fuck Leon,” Your broken moans filled his ears, just as he felt the burn on his scalp from your pulling. 
He knew exactly where his mouth needed to be and where his fingers needed to curl to make you come apart, he prided himself in that. And with the way you kept crying out his name and your body wouldn’t stay on the mattress, he knew you had to be pretty fucking close. 
“Stay fucking still.” He growled as he pulled back enough for his thumb to replace his tongue for just a second, just so he could watch the way your body writhed each time his fingers brushed against your most sensitive spot. “Yeah that’s it, you’re so close, aren’t you baby? Mhm yeah. C’mon pretty girl, c’mon.”
His tongue quickly replaced his thumb on your clit, his lips closing around the swollen bud as his fingers scissored you open, the lewd sound of his mouth lapping at your dripping cunt filling your ears in the most delicious way possible. And you couldn’t help it, you pushed his head further against you, and the growl that rumbled in his throat as he abused your clit sent vibrations that had you seeing white. Your release coated his face and hand as you fell into a fit of shaking sobs.
His fingers left you slowly, making sure you felt every second of it as his tongue still circled slowly around your swollen clit, not stopping until you were practically pulling him away by his hair, your body still twitching a bit. He chuckled softly, leaving a wet kiss to your thigh in silent praise before slowly climbing up your body. 
You opened your eyes to find him settled between your parted thighs, two fingers in his mouth and he moaned lowly as he tasted your juices off his fingers. Your mouth was wide open, and a whine left your lips. 
“Hm? Wanna taste baby?” He smirked as he pulled his fingers from his lips and leaned down, pulling you into a messy kiss by your jaw. You could taste yourself on his tongue, on his lips, and fuck, it had you clenching around nothing. He groaned softly, his clothed cock brushing against your wet cunt. He quickly pulled back, seemingly not wanting to wait any longer. “You taste so fucking good, but you feel even better.” 
He ridded himself of his sweatpants in a second or two, boxer briefs quickly joining on the floor. He hissed softly as he sat on his knees and brushed his cock over your entrance, covering himself in your slick.
“Please babe..” You whine softly, legs dangling over his hips as you endured his torture. He chuckled softly and nodded.
“Yeah, don’t worry sweetheart, I got you.” He dug his teeth into his bottom lip as he leaned over you, your legs high on his torso as he slowly filled you, your walls instantly clenching around his cock. 
Leon moaned softly, eyes squeezing shut as he slipped further inside you, fingers digging into your hips with enough force to bruise, “Oooh fuck yeah, atta girl.”
You could only moan weakly in response, sounds so pathetic and broken, and Leon loved every goddamn second of it. He sat still for a few seconds, soaking in the feeling of your tight walls around his cock, but the feeling of your nails digging into his shoulders encouraged him to move. He snapped his hips, over, and over, each delicious drag of his cock making you cry out. His pace was brutal almost immediately, and you were clinging on to him like that was all you were meant to do, to take everything he had to give you.
“Goddamn, you’re taking my cock so well baby. Mhmm, doing such a good job,” His words were coming out in between moans and whimpers, the feeling of you cunt clutching him so well making him just as desperate as he made you. “This is what you needed, hm pretty girl? Yeah, me too.”
He had your knees nearly pressed up to your chest by then as he fucked you into the matress, and you took it happily. You nodded eagerly, gripping his hair and pulling his face from your neck to meet your gaze. “You’re.. You’re mine, mkay? Just mine.”
Your words of ownership caught him by surprise, and he laughed between pants, biting down on his lip and he hovered over you enough to press his forehead against yours, the change in angle allowing him to hit your most sensitive spot, and he had you mouth wide open.
“Yours huh? I’m yours?” He asked with a wide smirk, your words clearly riling him up. You nodded quickly. “This dick is just yours, right baby? Is that what you want me to say? That no one else can have me? That no one else deserves it?”
He grunted out the words, lacking as much control as you did, but still in control enough to taunt you, to get you going, and fuck, he got you going like one else could. You were practically screaming ‘yes!’ at the top of your lungs. Your neighbors probably knew Leon was back by then. But neither of you could honestly be bothered to care about noise. 
“Yes! Yes, only I can have you.” Your words were broken, your voice was absolutely broken in between fits of sobs. Your hands were gripping at his blonde strands as your toes curled, the flash of heat you so desperately craved to feel a second time settling in your body as you continued to take in his punishing thrusts. But you still managed to say, “Please say it. That you’re mine. Fuck, please say it.”
Fuck, when you begged him like that, so close to falling apart for him, how could he ever deny you anything?”
The moan that fell from his lips at your words left you shaking, but you were not ready for what he decided to do next. He leaned down, as close as he could to your face, lips almost touching as he wrapped his large hand around your throat, and between pants he said, “I’m all yours baby.” 
You don’t think you’ve ever come so hard in your entire life, and Leon felt it. His mouth fell open and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as your walls clenched around him, hard. A shaky whimper left his mouth as his hips started to falter, his thrusts becoming more sharp and shallow the closer he was to his own release. You held him tightly, fingers gripping his hair and his name left your lips in soft sighs enticing him to fall apart as well.
“Mmm goddamn, I’m so close. Fuck, let me come inside you baby. Ugh,” His words were shaky, so close to falling apart. You nodded eagerly, clinging onto to him as he squeezed your throat, his moans getting louder and shakier before he fell still, cock twitching as he spilled himself inside you, “Ooooh fuck, mhmm that’s it baby. Take it like the good girl that you are.”
You closed your eyes in delight, a satisfied sigh leaving your lips as you ran your fingers through his slick hair soothingly, his hand now resting beside your head just as he rested his face on your neck. His quick and heavy breaths were hot on your neck, just as his body was hot on yours, but neither of you wanted to move, or leave the other. He needed you to hold him, and you needed him to let you. He never wanted you to doubt what he felt for you, ever again. 
You weren’t sure how long you stayed like this, holding each other, Leon still inside you. Probably once he no longer had the energy to keep his weight off you, so with a kiss to your jaw, he moved away, lying beside you instead. He ran a hand through his disheveled and sweaty strands, getting his hair away from his face. With a lazy smile, he glanced over at you, equally fucked out, hair just as sweaty and disheveled as his. He bit his lip softly and leaned over to press a soft kiss to your lips. You hummed softly, bringing your hand to hold his face.
“Mmm, I think I should make you jealous more often if you’re gonna fuck me like that.” He laughed softly, a smug smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. You pulled back enough to look at him and you glared at him, nudging his head away. He only laughed harder.
“That was no jealousy, you asshole.” You rolled your eyes at him, lips slightly pursed, but the way he smiled at you and tilted his head made you crack a small smile. “I’m serious. Leon I swear to God if I find out you contact her again I will stab you in your sleep with your own knife.”
Leon knew your threat of bodily harm wasn’t serious, but he knew the reason behind it was, he knew he hurt you after Raccoon City, and it took him a long time to earn back your trust, and he would never put you through that again. 
“I won’t, I want nothing to do with her. I never did. I love you, that’s never going to change, yeah?” He leaned forward, a small smile tugging at his lips, and you couldn’t help but smile too. You believed him.
“I know. I love you too.”
“Good. Now I’ll go run us a bath for round two.” He shot you a wink as he got up and laughed when he saw the look you gave him, “That was a joke. I meant to get cleaned up.”
You narrowed your eyes at him and simply shook your head as you watched him walk across your bedroom, but when he was about to walk out, you called his name.
“Yeah baby?” He said, peeking his head into your bedroom from the hallway.
“So, when are we getting married?”
4K notes · View notes
vivwritesfics · 4 months
Note
Going to be a little self indulgent but how about Lestappen or Charlando and reader is so overworked and exhausted from studying. But she’s worn herself down so bad while the boys were gone they come back to her like that! Hope this is okay, I haven’t requested something in so long 🥺🩵💙🩵
Grief makes me write apparently
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"Yes Max, I promise I'll sleep," Y/N said into the phone as she held it between her head and her shoulder. "I'll just stay up long enough to watch the first corner."
"Mijn liefje, no. You've got a test tomorrow; you need sleep," Max said as he sat in his drivers room, using the last piece of privacy he had before the race. "Promise me you'll prioritise sleep over us."
Actually, Y/N's test was that day. Her test was in six hours, actually, and she hadn't yet gotten any sleep. She'd been either calling her boyfriends while he could or watching videos of them online. Y/N had tried to sleep. And if she wasn't sleeping, she was trying to study, but even that was proving fruitless.
"Okay, Maxie, I'll try," she muttered and wished him good luck for the race. They said goodbye and around a thousand 'I love you's' before Y/N hung up.
She scrolled down to the next name on her contact list.
Lightning Mclerc 🏎💖
Y/N swiped her finger across the screen and pressed the phone against her ear.
There was a good minute before Charles picked up the phone. "Chérie!" Charles cheered as he answered the phone. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
Y/N let out something of a sigh as she leaned back in her desk chair. "I've already done this with Max," she mumbled.
"So you should be sleeping."
"I just wanted to wish you good luck before the race."
"Aw," she heard Charles say down the phone. "Thank you, mon amour. Good luck with your test tomorrow."
She thanked him quickly. "Charlie," she began, dragging out the eeeee. "When are you guys coming home?"
"Soon, baby. As soon as the race is over, Max and I will come home to you."
"Thank you, Charlie. I miss you guys so much."
"I miss you too, Chérie."
After making her promise to try and get some sleep, Y/N hung up the phone. But she couldn't sleep. She had the build up to the race on in the background as she tried to study for her test and complete her essay. It wasn't going to tell.
Within half an hour Y/N was asleep, drooling on her notes.
She woke just a few hours later to her phone, blaring in her ear. She woke with a start, almost falling out of her chair. "Holy shit," she mumbled, wiping the drool from her face. Her notes were a mess, the ink smudged to the point of being unreadable. "Fuck, shit, fuck," she mumbled as she tried to sort through them.
Y/N made her way out to her test. She wasn't prepared, not in the slightest. The boys had probably just finished her race by the time she was heading out towards her campus.
Throughout the entire test, Y/N was sweating. Her hands were shaking as she wrote, but she got through it. She answered every question with little confidence, but the questions were answered, at least.
After the test, Y/N didn't speak to anybody. She walked out of her exam and made her way straight home, straight into her bed, trying her best to sleep.
She couldn't sleep. No. The test may have been over, but Y/n couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't go back, couldn't change her answers now, but she was still stressed about it.
Suddenly, the door to her apartment opened. Y/N jumped out of her bed, dressed in Charles' old Ferrari shirt, and made her way to the door.
There they were. Her boys. Tired and exhausted after the first ever race in Vegas, but they were there. They could have gone home to Monaco, but they'd gone to Y/N's instead.
"Oh my god," she muttered as she walked into their awaiting arms. "You're here. You're actually here." Her face was buried in Charles' chest as Max wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
"We missed you too, Schat. So, so much," he said, pressing a kiss to her neck.
"How was your test, Chérie?" Asked Charles as Max took their things into the bedroom.
Y/N didn't answer. She kept her face buried in Charles' chest as he walked her further into the apartment. Not good, that much he could pick up on. The test hadn't gone well at all.
When Charles released her, Max grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him. "You look so tired, schat. Have you been sleeping?"
She nodded her head. Maybe it wasn't enough sleep, but it was still sleep. "But you guys must be tired, too," she said, leaning against them.
The boys settled on the sofa as Y/N ran to grab her laptop. "What're you doing?" Charles asked as she settled down between them.
"Uni work," she answered quickly as she opened the lid.
Before she could type in her passcode, Max pushed the laptop shut. "No, baby. You've just had a test. You can relax, now," he said as he placed her laptop down.
Reluctantly, Y/N accepted it. She cuddled up to her boys as the three of them watched television. If they weren't going to let her burnout, so be it (actually no, she was very grateful that they were forcing her to take a break. Y/N never would have done it on her own.).
954 notes · View notes
hunterwritings · 2 months
Text
𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐌𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 | 𝐁𝐈-𝐇𝐀𝐍
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summary: bi-han is only compliant with you, and you are the last one to realise it | gn!reader x bi-han, childhood friend! reader, flirty and joking! reader warnings: kinda suggestive at the end (?) notes: FINALLY WRITING SOMETHING AGAIN HALLELUJAH | this is very self-indulgent lol
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Bi-han was not someone who enjoyed physical touch. Or any affection for that matter.
At least that's what everyone believed, considering how unwelcoming he was to everyone else. If it was talking about kombat, now that was different.
It was something first noticed by his brothers, Kuai Liang and Tomas. They would go to put their hand on his shoulder or pat him on the back and he would swat them away while muttering cold insults. They brushed it off, knowing that Bi-han had acted that way with everyone.
Until you came into the picture.
You had known the Lin Kuei brothers since you were young. You had trained with them, fought with them and grown with them since you were all children. You loved all of them, but something about Bi-han drew you in. How he was so cold and unimpressed with you and your jokes, it made you want to wittingly mess with him even more. You would always walk by his side, taunt him to the point of him wanting to throw a punch at you. You would never do anything to make him uncomfortable, just enough to see him roll his eyes at you and push your face away with his palm.
As you grew with him, some things changed with Bi-han. Your comical and witty nature stayed active throughout time and, in your eyes at least, Bi-han had the same attitude from when he was a child.
But he was different.
It was something people around you two noticed first. How instead of ignoring your witty jokes, he would critique them and say how you could do better than that. How instead of scooting away from you when you would sit unnecessarily close to him on the couch, he would let you sit inches away from him, even lying your head on his shoulder as you listened to him talk about battle plans. How instead of leaving you on the ground after he beats you in sparring, he would offer his hand to you with the same irritated look on his face.
You guess that it's never been something you thought of until Kuai Liang had spoken to you.
"Bi-han has never been so close to someone." He shakes his head with a smirk.
"I guess I never looked into it." You chuckled.
"Then it is clear to everyone except for you. I would not be surprised if he thought about proposing to you."
You nearly chocked on your own breath. "Proposing? That's moving a bit fast don't you think?"
"Well, I suppose that's what Bi-han does." He smiles. "He moves in black and white, it is all or nothing for him. And when he learns to accept his feelings for you, he will make a move before anyone else does."
"How do I know this isn't just some hunch you have?" You crossed your arms and jokingly raised an eyebrow at him. He chuckled.
"I've known Bi-han my entire life and he has never been so compliant with someone, I am certain." He says.
You were a bit dumbstruck by his blunt words. Your love for Bi-han was obvious to everyone else, you wanted to make it obvious as you grew more jokingly flirty with him as time went on. As you began to look at things in retrospect, you notice how Bi-han had been more lenient with you throughout time. Oh my gods, have you been so blind this whole time? Has Bi-han tried to subtly tell you how he felt throughout his actions? Now you were overthinking.
You wanted to speak with Bi-han and see if you could get him to admit something to you. You sought him out throughout the temple, stopping when you found him in an empty training room, using a stick to practice his attacks. He halted his movements the second he saw you enter the room.
"Sorry to interrupt." You chuckle as you walk closer to him. He just raised an eyebrow at you as you approached.
"Is it something you want?' He asks, you now standing in front of him.
"Perhaps."
"Well get on with it." He says as he continues his training movements as you walked around him and pressed your back against the wall.
"I've just been thinking a lot."
"That's new." He wittingly jokes, causing a laugh to emit from your lips. A smirk appeared on his face at the sound of your laughter, that caught your eye.
"You think you're very funny, but that's my job." You smile. "Bi-han." The sound of his name from your lips caused him to stop his fighting movements. He went to turn towards you, but you quickly wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your chest to his sweaty back. You felt his cold hand press against yours wrapped around his torso. "I really enjoy being around you." You softly admitted.
Bi-han felt like his heart stopped, when in reality it was beating quite fast from what you could feel. Bi-han was used to quick and small touches from you in a joking flirty sense, but he could tell that you were trying your best to be serious. He never thought that your feelings for him would go anything past platonic.
He pulls your hands off of him so he can turn and face you. Your face was different from your usual relaxed, this time your eyebrows contorting in anxiousness, wondering if you had just ruined your relationship with him. Bi-han was a bit dumbfounded, wondering how to continue this conversation. So he took a chance.
He leaned into you and pressed his lips gently against yours. He quickly pulled away, only a few inches to scan your face and wonder if he made a mistake. When he feels your hands on his cheeks, he immediately drops the stick in his hand, hearing the wood hit the floor as he reached his arms low and grabs a hold of your legs and picks you up as his lips stay on yours. You feel your back hit the wall as his cold hands stayed on your thighs, gripping tightly.
You pull away for a moment to catch your breath, your eyes darting to every detail of his face.
"How long have you been wanting to do that?' You chuckle, pressing your forehead against his. You could practically feel his eyes roll back in his head. "Shut up." He shakes his head before his lips are on yours once again.
Bi-han is a very serious man, he takes things in his life very seriously. Even before you had told him how you felt, he would go to the ends of the earth to protect you and keep you safe. Now that you were officially his, not only would he be even more protective of you, he would boast about it to everyone around him. He would let everyone know that you chose him and it would feel like the greatest achievement of all time to him. Whether it be from the sounds people would hear through the walls at night or how he now walks with your arm wrapped around his bicep, he will make sure everyone knows that you're his.
And Kuai Liang wasn't wrong, within a few weeks of your confessions, Bi-han brought up the idea of proposal to you. How could you deny the grumpy grandmaster himself?
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bangtaninborderland · 7 months
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JJK-SEVEN
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Summary: you know it isn't healthy, you know you should leave, but you can’t and neither can he.
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst.
A/N: self indulge from my own experiences
BTS MASTERLIST.
JK POV
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You get home a little past 6 pm, Jungkook isn’t there, he is always busy though so that’s normal. You set your bags down, slip your shoes off and head straight to change into some comfy clothes. You loved the confidence you felt ready for the day, the way you felt a little braver as you applied a hint of concealer under your eyes, masking the lack of sleep you’d had but your favourite time of the day was the moment you could come home and remove it all.
It doesn’t take you long to dress down and situate yourself on the couch. You eye your phone a few times, debating whether or not to call Jungkook ultimately deciding against it. He would probably be upset if you called in the middle of a schedule especially if he was in a meeting or something. You settled for a simple text:
You: I’m home, will you be here for dinner?
J🩶: No, working late, don’t wait up.
You: Okay, Love you.
Message Read 6:48PM
The message is left unread but that’s okay, Jungkook is a busy person with things to do. You don’t take what you have for granted so instead of mourning the time you don’t have you focus on the time you do have. Which albeit isn’t much, even when he isn’t working he finds better things to do.
You’d never stop him though, he worked hard, and he deserved that time for himself. You couldn’t be a burden.
You settle on ordering takeout for dinner, it was pointless cooking a meal that would never get finished. The leftovers from three days ago are still in the refrigerator, untouched, despite the note you’d left telling your boyfriend that they were there.
The food arrived an hour later, you turned on the TV and tucked in, letting yourself be drawn into the world of another sappy drama but not even that could keep your mind from wandering, from thinking about how everything got so messed up.
You’d started out years ago, two young kids just wanting some affection and care. Jungkook had just left another relationship, being three years older than you it was safe to say you’d had significantly less experience in the dating department but you fell hard and fast. You’d call all the time, things were busy then but never as busy as now, he would often wait up until late at night when everyone else was asleep to call you from the shared Bangtan dorm room, even if it meant he was a little more tired the next day. He would write you sweet messages whenever he had time, a few words that you would cherish and reread anytime you missed him.
Sure there were rough patches, fights, disagreements, the distance was hard whenever he was on tour and even though it hurt you, really hurt you, there was something always holding you in place so you never left, you couldn’t even imagine it, the few times Jungkook had proposed a break-up or a break you’d denied, argued against it, plead your case as though you were on trial because you couldn’t lose him. He was all you had.
You had friends sure but none that you were actually close to, family wasn’t something you found comfort in, and the arguments that came with being around them were something you’d rather not experience so you stayed away, stayed alone. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to adapt to everything Jungkook was, there hadn’t been a single thing you’d done without him in mind.
You’d been his place to let out everything he felt, most of his emotions bottling up until it came out as a wave of evil anger, words that lacked truth still tearing you apart piece by piece. Still, his apologies were sweet, warm, and soft, they gave you comfort. So you smiled and said it was okay, smiled and tried to ignore the list of names and backhanded comments you’d heard.
Besides, the next day everything was okay, everything would always be okay eventually.
You’re still sitting on the couch when Jungkook gets home, he walks straight into the bedroom, ignoring your presence as though you don’t exist but you remind yourself it’s dark, you didn’t have the lights on so he probably didn’t see you.
“Marco?” He called out and you couldn’t help but smile at the silly American game he had taught you a few years ago.
“Polo.” You called back, unable to hide your grin.
As he came closer you smelt the soju on his breath. “I thought you were working late?”
He groaned, slumping against you on the couch. “Yeah, well we finished around 7 so Mingyu asked if I wanted to get drinks.” He shrugged. “Don’t get all mad.”
“I’m not mad Kook.” You were thankful no lights had been turned off, although you could cover up the shake in your voice the sadness in your eyes was significantly harder to rid yourself of. “I just missed you.”
“Fuck I know okay, I know but I don’t need you putting pressure on me too I’m already working hard twenty-four seven, you want me to come home and be the perfect boyfriend to you but where is my time? Where is the time for me? It’s selfish of you to always put your wants first.”
“No I just meant that I missed you I didn’t-“ you sighed, the argument dying on your tongue. “I’m sorry.”
“You always say that. You just ruined a good day…god” he huffed, a hand running through his hair. “I’m going to shower and then I’ll sleep.” With that he was gone, his footsteps retreating.
A coldness settled over you, an unspeakable pain simmering in your chest. He had misunderstood, the words you’d said with honest intentions had been taken out of context and twisted to portray you as a selfish person.
As much as you loved Jungkook he had one flaw, he failed to see what wasn’t directly In front of him. He wouldn’t ever be able to realise or understand the extent to which you’d given up everything of yourself to be with him. The friends you couldn’t have because you felt awful having such an important secret that you couldn’t share with them, the fact Jungkook was…Jungkook meant the relationship you had couldn’t exactly be paraded around, your own paranoia preventing you from having friends in case they found out and shared it with the media. You’d hidden your own dark days whenever something was troubling him, you chose your words carefully to prevent him from worrying too much. You’d always hold off discussing things that had been awkward or uncomfortable until it was suitable for him and by then those feelings and situations were too far gone to bring back up.
It all piled up and then what was once a small ball of insecurity, sadness and longing had grown into a boulder, one that you carried around on your shoulders every day, the weight crushing you slowly.
Still, you didn’t pick a fight, you let it be. Tomorrow would be better, you wouldn’t talk about it, not seriously, you never did.
You waited until you heard the shower switch off, giving him time to fall asleep before joining him in bed.
Maybe it was just habit, something that you’d both done for so long it happened involuntarily but Jungkook reached out for you, tucking your body under his as he whispered a soft “I love you” with a kiss to your head.
The next day things were better, Surprisingly you found him at the stove, singing along to some slow song, probably something Taehyung had sent to him. “Good morning baby.”
You smiled at the term of endearment. “Good morning.”
“Come here.” He called out to you, turning the stove down before opening his arms for you. “I’m sorry about last night.”
Your heart ached at the reminder of his anger the night before, his misunderstanding of your words, his lack of understanding of how you felt. “It’s okay.”
He pushes you back a little, observing your face. “Is it really? Do you forgive me?”
“Always, I’ll always forgive you.” You smiled back and it wasn’t a lie. You would always forgive him, regardless of what he did, or how he hurt you, you would always forgive him because you simply could t live without him.
You both knew it wasn’t healthy, knew it wasn’t okay to act this way, to brush over the misunderstandings you dealt with daily but you couldn’t help it. Facing just how bad things were between you, facing just how poor your communication and trust was meant facing the reality that there was no way to fix it.
The only fix would be to separate and you knew, you knew without a doubt you wouldn’t take that step and neither would he.
So you both held on, ignoring the boulder because you couldn’t let go, even if it was just attachment, you’d let yourself be safe here in the familiarity of everything you shared together for a little longer, even if the boulder was killing you.
You held onto the false reality you’ve created between yourselves, you were sure you always would even if it was insincere because the pain of being the person who took every negative emotion out on was nothing compared to the pain and emptiness you’d feel if he wasn’t there with you, if you no longer had him to hold you and brush your tears away.
“I’m in love with you.” He leaned down to kiss you, tilting your head upwards for easier access.
“I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
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quinnnfabrgay-writes · 8 months
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Touch Me Like You Never, Push Me Like You Never
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(i was going to use a different gif, but i love him all broody and sad SUE ME)
summary: Frankie's caught watching porn and spicy events transpire (I'm shit at summaries - they fuck okay?)
pairing: Frankie x fem!reader
wc: 9.8k (idk what happened, i have no control)
warnings/tags: 18+, MINORS DNI, IF YOU'RE MY SISTER READING THIS LOOK AWAY (idc that you're an adult lol), smut smut smut, lots of fluff, maybe angst???, allusions to PTSD, allusions to past trauma + abuse (nothing explicitly stated, but alludes to past emotional/mental abuse + SA if you squint), use of safe words, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, orgasm denial, power play, choking, daddy kink, spitting, face fucking, spanking, dirty talk, degradation and praise kink, unprotected p in v sex (do as i say not as i write, don’t be a fool and wrap that tool), lots and lots of feelings and giggles and really dumb jokes, lots of forehead touches because I'm a sap, lots of "baby"s bc I got carried away, feral Frankie “big dick” Morales comes with his own warning, this is the filthiest thing i've ever written i'm slightly embarrassed, no use of y/n, idk let me know if i missed anything
a/n: This WAS supposed to be just a fun lil piece to explore writing some kinks I never thought in a million years I would be intrigued by (and I figured who better to try new things with than Frankie? also my first time writing for Frankie) But it got away from me, and apparently idk how to write porn without backstory or lots of feelings (or giggles) so that’s where this ended up. (there's 2.8k words before the smut even starts, I'm so sorry) Plenty of filth, but also a LOT of feelings. (I also almost threw in a whole piece trash talking the military bc I hated my time in, but it was completely out of left field lmao) This was 100% self-indulgent (and very cathartic) and maybe one day I’ll learn how to actually write pwp, lmao. I don't write a lot of smut, so I apologize if this is bad or sounds robotic. Trying new things!
Also shoutout to a couple of people who inspired this: @swiftispunk for her fics awakening some things in me which inspired this piece in the first place (exposing myself as the jeezy petes anon lmao + while we’re at it the OG Pedro dream anon too) and also @thirstworldproblemss for being incredibly sweet and encouraging me to keep writing this (the hug + bj were always a part of the story, but I threw the nap in there just for you!)
I hope y'all enjoy my first foray into Feral Frankie Friday!
Music Inspo:
Not Afraid Anymore - Halsey
All to You - Sabrina Claudio
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With how long it’s been taking for this plane to taxi after landing, you’re suddenly incredibly grateful that you ended up only bringing a carry-on for the work conference you had to attend this past week. It was incredibly last minute, not really given any time to prepare what you may want to wear, so instead you wound up leaving yours and Frankie’s bedroom a complete mess after throwing some things in a bag before having to leave.
But now, you’re finally on your way back home. All that’s between you and Frankie now is a 20 minute drive from the airport to your shared home. No having to stop at baggage claim and wait for a bag, you don’t even have to wait for someone to come pick you up, you’ve already decided to take a cab instead. You can hardly keep still; your feet tapping some made up rhythm, your fingers fidgeting with the strings of your zip-up hoodie, you’re just itching to get home so you can jump Frankie on sight. 
What’s even better is, he’s not expecting you to be back home for a few more days. You were able to talk your boss into letting you leave earlier considering you weren’t needed for the rest of the meetings and presentations. He was hesitant at first, but when you brought up the fact that it could save them money, he was immediately on board. Whether that’s true or not, you didn’t care, it worked.  
As you wait for the plane to stop, you can’t help your mind from wandering, wondering how Frankie might take you tonight. Is he going to lay you down, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as he makes love to you? Or is he stressed out, having a bad day? Does he need you to take the reins and be in control for the night?
You learned pretty early on in your relationship about Frankie’s past and his demons, well what he could tell you anyways. And much to his surprise it didn’t have you turning around and running for the hills. Instead you confided in him about your own demons, your past relationships that left you with emotional and mental scars. Instead of looking at you as this frail little injured bird that needed to be handled with kid gloves, he was awestruck. He always made sure to remind you of the strength it took to keep going, and how he admires your relentless optimistic outlook on life in spite of what you went through. In turn, you reminded him that what happened in the past doesn’t make him a bad person, and on his worst nights, that he’s no longer there, that he’s safe. 
Between your two pasts, it wasn’t really a shock to you when one night Frankie asked you if you would be okay with a ‘soft dom and sub’ kind of dynamic every now and then. On the nights where he needs to forget the most. Where he can just clear his mind, and have you tell him what to do (or not do). The two of you being gifted something you were never able to have before; you having control, and him being able to turn his thoughts off and just be.
You focus back in on your surroundings when you hear the ding of a bell. The seat belt sign is off. Showtime.
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You know trying to sneak up on Frankie and surprise him is no easy feat, but you’re hoping you can pull it off. You’re somehow able to unlock, open, shut, and lock the front door all without making too much noise. You carefully place your bag on the floor, and quietly take off your converse. Even more surprisingly you were able to make it up the stairs without any creaking giving you away. You can see the light from your bedroom filtering into the hallway.
You decide it might not be the best idea to almost give Frankie a heart attack. Especially not if you're looking to get laid. You decide to call out before walking down the hall to the bedroom.
"Frankie, baby, I'm home!"
You hear some shuffling in the bedroom as you get closer.
"Frankie?" You round the corner into the bedroom just as Frankie's closing his laptop. He hops out of bed looking slightly nervous, but trying (and failing) to cover it up with a smile. 
“Baby, you’re home early!” He swoops you up into a giant hug, peppering kisses all across your face while you giggle. He finishes with a final kiss on your lips before resting his forehead on yours. “I missed you.”
You squeeze your arms tighter around his waist. “I missed you too, that’s why I came home early. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, mission accomplished.” 
You look into those big brown eyes of his, and you almost forget about the laptop. Almost. You lean back with a wry smile, walking your fingers up one of his arms before brushing that patchy scruff you love so much with your fingers.
“So… what’s got you all jumpy?”
He chews the inside of his bottom lip. “I don’t know what you mean.”
You raise an eyebrow in disbelief and point towards the bed where the laptop is still laying. “What’cha got going on over there?”
He looks back towards the bed. “Oh-uh, it’s nothing.” But he’s starting to blush.
“Mmmm, so that’s why your face is getting all flushed? Over… nothing?”
He starts trying to pull you towards the door. “C’mon, let me make you some dinner.”
“I ate before getting on the plane. Frankie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just wasn’t expecting you to be home so early, is all.”
You pull him back towards you with a sly smile on your face. “Did I interrupt you about to take care of yourself?”
He wraps his arms around you, pulling you in closer and shrugging in response. “I got the real thing now, so I’m not complaining.”
He still seems on edge, he’s slightly stiff in your arms. You’ve been living together for almost two years now, so you’ve caught each other a few times before, but he’s never been this apprehensive. 
“What were you about to watch?”
He starts getting nervous again. “I- uh, it’s nothing. Just your standard stuff.”
“Baby, we’ve watched porn together before and you’ve never acted like this, what’s wrong?”
He lets go of you running one of his hands through his hair while the other rests on his hip. He's looking everywhere but at you until he finally just looks at the floor. “Nothing’s wrong, I just… nothing’s wrong.”
You take advantage of the fact that he’s no longer holding on to you. Slowly backing up towards the bed. You know you should let this go, you’ve never seen Frankie so flustered, but you’re stubborn and nosy as hell and don’t always know when to drop something. You make it towards the head of the bed where the laptop is lying. 
Frankie’s now got his arms crossed and looking as if he’s thinking something over. You reach down to open the screen, but before you do you look back at Frankie.
“Is this okay? Or would you rather I drop it?”
He looks slightly torn, you can see his chest starting to rise and fall more rapidly as he weighs his options. He starts chewing on his lip again before answering. “It’s fine.” He drops his head though, as if he doesn’t want to see your reaction.
You give him a sweet smile anyways, always grateful when he opens up to you more, even if it’s in his own little ways.
As soon as you open the laptop and the screen comes back to life, your eyes widen - he has not one, not two, but five different tabs open with some incredibly filthy shit- we’re talking spanking, choking, bondage, ball gags, degradation, the works.
You gasp and whisper “oh, Frankie.” You’re intrigued, and frankly incredibly turned on.
He makes his way over, embarrassed, already apologizing and closing the laptop, you’re just staring at him with glazed over eyes, unable to put together a coherent thought while replaying the images in your head, something stirring deep inside.
He sits down on the edge of the bed close to you, slumped over with his elbows on his thighs, hands covering his face. 
“I’m so sorry baby.“ You can practically feel the shame just rolling off of him. It pains you to see him this way, especially when he hasn’t done anything wrong.
You slide over so you’re sitting right next to him, putting a hand on his thigh. You lightly trace mindless shapes over his sweatpants in hopes of soothing him. “Frankie, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”  
You continue to try and soothe him, whispering reassurances that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, giving him gentle kisses on his temple and hands, but he’s not budging. Somehow your words are not getting through to him.
You have an idea though. You get on your knees next to him on the bed, and lean into his ear, dropping your voice a little lower. “Frankie,” he visibly shudders, “there’s no need to apologize.” 
You place your hand on his lower back and start inching it up as you continue to speak slowly in his ear “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 
At that he drops his hands, slightly leaning back into your touch, his eyes closed, you can feel him starting to relax and loosen up a bit. “Is this something you’ve been thinking of? Hmm?”
As you reach his neck, you move your hand and fingers through his hair. “Is this something you’ve been wanting to try, baby?” 
You grab some of his hair and tug lightly “answer me, my sweet boy.” He moans and slightly nods. “With words baby, I need to hear what it is you’ve been thinking about.”
You move to straddle him and are surprised with how hard he already is - so surprised you dropped the act. “Oh Frankie, you’re already so hard.” 
His eyes are still closed as he lets out a strained moan. He grabs your thighs as you settle yourself in his lap - fighting the urge to grind down on him and just let this all go - you know he would gladly let you, but you’re way too interested in this other possible side of Frankie. You wrap your arms around his neck, twirling the little curls at the base of his neck in your fingers.
“Baby if this is too much, we don’t have to talk about it.” He didn’t utter his safe word, but he’s also never been this silent in the bedroom, he’s usually either begging you or showering you with praise. He opens his eyes, his thumbs are stroking your thighs. 
“It’s not that, I…” he doesn’t finish, you can practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he’s trying to find a way to say whatever it is he wants to say. You stay silent, running your fingers through his hair, trying to give him time to respond, but after a long pause of silence you decide to use a different tactic with your other ‘go-to’ which is to deflect with humor. 
“Jeez Frankie, what weird shit do you want to do to me?” you laugh letting him know you’re at ease. He cracks a slight smile, but his eyes are still conflicted. “You know I would never judge you.” 
He nods, but breaks eye contact looking down, watching his thumbs caress your thighs. What has got him so scared? Is he not convinced I wouldn’t judge him? Is he afraid I would be disgusted? Is he worried I would be afraid o-? oh, OH… 
You take a deep breath. “If you’re worried about any of this possibly being triggering or scary to me…” his eyes fly back up to catch your gaze, you notice the way his adam's apple bobs as he swallows, the worried expression in his eyes. And bingo, there it is…   
Your heart immediately swells, your Frankie, so careful and considerate of your past to the point where he has hid this part of himself just so you would be comfortable. “Oh baby. What did I ever do to deserve you?” 
You gently grab his face in your hands before leaning in, trying to pour every ounce of love you have for him into this one simple kiss. His hands skim over the small of your back, resting one there while the other slides up, stopping at the nape of your neck, holding you. After a few minutes you break apart. Your thumbs caress his face as you continue. “You indulge my every fantasy, why won’t you let me do the same for you?”
“I just… I only ever want to make you feel good, y’know? I-I don’t want you to ever worry or feel scared of me, o-or belittled. I just want you to feel safe and loved.”
You swear you can feel your heart about to burst from all the adoration you have for this man. You know there is no possible way he would ever bring you harm, emboldening you to push it even further.
“What if… what if I said I wanted to try some of those things. Would you do it then?”
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This seemed like a fun idea, but Frankie is now pacing around the bed while you're sitting in the middle of it. He’s diving head first into a million different questions, not wanting to miss anything, covering all his bases.
“Should we lay down some ground rules? Do you want to use safe words? That's something we should do, right? I mean we use them for me, so why wouldn't we do the same for you? Do we use the same safe words that I use, or should we pick different ones just for you? Would that be too much having separate safe words, or would it be confusing if we used the same ones?”
Even though you feel like he's going slightly overboard and worrying himself over nothing, you can't help but smile and feel incredibly grateful that he's putting so much thought into this. But now his pacing and questions are starting to err on the frantic side of things.
“Frankie! Slow down. Breathe.” He finally stops pacing and sits down on the edge of the bed. You continue. “We can either use the same safe words we already use, or we can pick new ones special for just this situation.” 
“What would you prefer?” 
You think it over and decide to start testing the waters. “I want you to decide for me.” 
He starts to ramble again about how he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to you. What if you don’t like the safewords he picks out? What if you forget them? You lean over and place a firm hand on his thigh, getting his attention. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, you smile and repeat yourself “I want you to choose my safe words Frankie.”
You sit back as he continues to stare at you, thinking it over. Just when you think you've asked too much of him, he stands up and starts pacing again, his hands planted firmly on his hips.
"Frankie…?"
"It's fine, I'm thinking."
After a few moments of you watching him pace around, he stops at the edge of the bed with a grin. “I’ve got it. So, if you need me to slow down or ease up - cucumber, if you want or need me to stop completely - pickle. What do you think?”
You try to stifle a giggle and cover your mouth. He is literally the cutest being I have ever met.
He looks at you confused as you continue to try and keep in your laughter. “Is there something wrong with them?”
You can’t contain your laughter anymore, letting yourself giggle as you explain your amusement. “No, they’re actually perfect. Especially the one for stop. Y’know, ‘cause when you’re in a sticky situation and you’re like ‘oh no, I’m in a pickle.’”
He just continues to stare at you as you bite down on your lip trying to not completely double over in laughter. Just when you thought you might’ve offended him by laughing at his choice, he cracks a smile before chuckling and then breaking out in a full bodied laugh. You relax as you join him, letting out your own giggles completely. 
He crawls over the bed to you grabbing the back of your neck pulling you into a kiss as you're still laughing. Once you two break away he leans his forehead against yours still chuckling and lets out a breathy "god, i love you."
He asks to reaffirm that the safe words are okay, and when you say yes, he asks again about ground rules. You seriously contemplate going back and forth in your head for a minute. You both have the same "hell no's" so you're not really worried about lines being crossed. You answer him softly but confidently "I have full and complete trust in you Frankie. I know you would never do anything to hurt me - mentally, physically, or emotionally."
He leans back into your space kissing you - it starts off soft and slow as he lays you down while still attached to your lips, but then it quickly starts to build. It’s more needy, more heated, and you’re feeling more grabby. You reach down to grab the hem of his shirt needing to feel more of him, eager to feel the skin underneath. Before you can wrap your fingers fully around his shirt, he's grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head with his hands. 
He brings his lips to your ear, with a dangerously low voice he utters "did I say you could undress me?"
You gasp, taken aback by the quick and sudden turn into this new dynamic, heat immediately flooding over your body. You're so stunned you don’t know how to answer, your body buzzing in anticipation for what might come next.
He slowly unzips your hoodie, revealing that you had decided to forego wearing a shirt and instead only wore some lacy lingerie under your shorts and hoodie. You might have been rushed with your packing, but you made damn sure that you grabbed his favorite set so you could wear it home.
He licks his lips, his eyes scanning over your body as he slowly continues to drag the zipper down. 
"Very risky of you, don’t you think? What if you got hot? Or this somehow got unzipped?"
"The reward was worth the risk." You wink, biting your lip.
He pushes the fabric to the side, trying to expose every inch of you he can without taking off the hoodie just yet. He lets out a groan gliding one hand over your stomach, sliding to briefly ghost over your breasts before making its way back down to the button of your shorts. He slips his hand underneath the waist band, pulling slightly to get a peak of what awaits him, letting out another groan. 
"You're gonna be the death of me one day." He leans forward resting his forehead on your stomach. Usually you would be running your fingers through his hair by now, but you make sure to keep your hands on the mattress by your head where he placed them. He starts slowly unbuttoning your shorts, placing slow soft kisses across your skin. First his lips lightly brush across your abdomen, making his way towards your hip and placing frustratingly soft kisses there until he repeats his actions, making his way towards your other hip.
With your shorts fully unzipped, he drags them down your legs, placing kisses along your thighs, your knees, your shins as he makes his way down before completely discarding the item of clothing altogether, taking your socks with them. For a moment, he just looks at you, laid out on the bed for him, waiting breathlessly for his next actions.
Starting from your ankles, he lightly brushes his fingers across your skin, making his way up your legs so painstakingly slowly that you swear this could have been used as a method of torture. His lips trail behind his fingers, lightly kissing each spot he touched. He makes an obvious show of skipping your clothed mound before continuing his actions across your stomach and up to your breasts. 
He faintly skims his thumbs over your nipples still covered by the sheer lace of your bra. You gasp and close your eyes, wanting to soak in this feeling, but he stops.
“Eyes on me baby.” His voice low and gravelly, as if he hasn’t spoken in days instead of mere minutes.
You slowly open your eyes to find him staring back at you, with the most gentle smile on his face. “Good girl.”
Oh, I’m definitely fucked.
You don’t even get a second to comprehend his praise before he’s dropping down and firmly dragging his tongue across one of your now hardened nipples, never breaking eye contact.
“Oh f-uck me.”
He just chuckles and responds, “that’s the plan.”
You let out a small chuckle yourself, but then it’s quickly replaced with a moan as he repeats his actions on your other breast while bringing his fingers to lightly pinch and pull at the now neglected nipple. He continues kissing and licking over your body until he reaches your lips for a quick, sweet peck on the lips. His eyes flash with something wicked before dropping back down, starting the whole process over again. Light strokes of his fingers, soft kisses from his lips, the faintest brush of his tongue - each pass becoming more and more heated as he adds the slight scrape of his teeth to his torturous pattern. 
Even after he finally rids you of the rest of your clothing, he’s teasing you. Licking, kissing, biting every inch of your skin until you swear your whole body is vibrating with the need of release. You’re already dripping wet, surely soaking the sheets under you, pussy practically throbbing with the need to be touched. You let out a whimper in frustration. You’re just on the verge of begging him to fuck you already until he speaks.
“Do you want to play a little game?” 
You’re so far gone, blissed out of your mind to even try and form words, but you know his question was rhetorical anyway. He makes his way down to the foot of the bed, sliding off. He reaches over to grab you by the thighs and yanks you down, closer to the edge of the bed, your legs dangling off the edge. He stands up and leans back down over you to pepper kisses across your face and neck as he speaks. 
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t require much effort, the rules are pretty simple.” He drops down to his knees on the floor and drags you more towards the edge, leaving just a little bit of space on the edge of the bed. You moan at the sight of him between your legs, secretly begging to whatever gods are out there that he would eat you out tonight. He smirks at your debauched state. 
“Oh baby, you should see yourself right now, all spread out and eager, just for me.” He starts to run his hands up and down your thighs, his thumbs always getting close enough to reach out where you want his hands the most, but still too far to give you any relief.
“If you can follow the rules, then you’ll be rewarded.” He places a sloppy open mouthed kiss to your inner thigh. 
“But if you break the rules…” his grip on your thighs becomes tighter, to the point where you fully expect to see bruises there tomorrow. You let out another moan at the thought. He smirks, licks his lips and continues, “If you break the rules, I’m sorry baby, but I’ll have to punish you.”
At that he bites the spot on your inner thigh where he had just kissed you moments ago. You let out a broken moan, not even ashamed at how much the thought of him punishing you turns you on. 
“Are you ready my love?” He’s looking right at you, so you nod, already breathless from just the promise of what’s about to happen. You see a glint of mischief in his eyes as he stands up to lean over you and growl in your ear, “With words baby. I need to hear that you’re ready.” 
You wonder if he loves the tables being turned as much as you do. 
“Y-yes, I’m ready.”
He hums in acknowledgement in your ear, but doesn’t move from his current position, but instead slides one of his hands from your hip up your body until it’s laying at the base of your throat. Your eyes widen in excitement at the thought of him choking you without you having to ask.
“Yes, what?” he grumbles in your ear.
“Yes… sir?” you never really considered this part of the dynamic, not knowing how much power play he might want to get into. He groans slightly in your ear. 
“Is that an answer, or a question?” His hand slides up slightly to lightly wrap around your throat, only the slightest pressure applied. You let out a light gasp “yes, yes sir.”
He hums again in your ear, and uses his other arm to prop himself up so he can look at you. He drinks in your appearance, his eyes scanning every inch of your face and body in his sight - your pupils blown, hair disheveled, chest heaving, your hands now at your side clenching the sheets under you. He’s completely in awe that he gets to come home to you every day, still in disbelief after all this time that you chose him to be your partner in this crazy world. He licks his lips and makes eye contact with you, a slight smirk on his face. 
“Hmm, Sir sounds a bit too… formal.” His thumb stroking your throat as he speaks. “I think you can do a little bit better than that, right baby?” His grip on your throat tightens, short circuiting your brain and immediately sending sparks all over your body. Your eyes roll back into your head from the sudden and intense pleasure and you surprise the both of you when you let out a breathy “yes, daddy.” 
You hear a strained “oh, fuck” from above you, feeling Frankie shift his weight until he’s hovering over you positioned between your legs. He moves both hands and places them on either side of your head on the bed. You let out a whine at the loss of his hand on your throat, but he quickly swallows it with his mouth practically attacking yours. The kiss is downright primal, all tongues and teeth, no room to break apart for air. 
He finally pulls away you both gasping for air. He brings both of his hands to the crown of your head, weaving his fingers into your hair, cradling your head in his hands. “Daddy, huh? How long have you been holding that one in?” 
You blush, and look away, unable to hold his intense gaze. The two of you wading into uncharted territory together, this is all new to both of you. You have never been one to be shy or bashful in the bedroom, at least not with Frankie, but there’s something about the way he’s looking at you. Not in a way that makes you feel small, or a way that makes you feel ashamed of what you just said. It’s almost freeing, the way you can let your guard down and lay it all out for him, slight embarrassment and all. You don’t feel the need to cover up or feign your true emotions around him, even now as his unwavering stare bores down into you. 
He moves one of his hands from your hair to cup your cheek to urge you to look back at him. His gaze is still intense, but slightly softer. He drops his eyes to your lips, his thumb reaching out to swipe across your lower lip. His thumb stills once it reaches the corner of your mouth, he looks back into your eyes. “That- that uh” he lets out a deep breath as if he’s bracing to say something difficult, and closes his eyes. “That was incredibly hot.” 
He goes back to tracing your lower lip with his thumb as he stares at your lips. “I never once considered myself as someone who would like that…” he drifts off. You offer up your own confession, getting out a breathy “me neither, it just kind of slipped out.” 
He smiles at your admission, licks his lips and then looks back into your eyes. “But there’s just something about it coming from you...” he drifts off again, lowering to take your bottom lip between his teeth, running his tongue across it before releasing it. “Shall I get back to explaining the game?” 
You laugh a little, “yes please.” 
He cocks an eyebrow, using his hands still around your head and face to nudge your head to the side, dragging his nose from the side of your throat up until his lips reach your ear, and growls “what was that?” 
The hand still in your hair grasps a handful of your hair and tugs just enough for it to sting, but god if it didn’t feel good. You’re tempted to not answer, wanting to see what might happen. But you also are so eager to just give in and hand him full control. 
“Yes, daddy.” You moan out. He takes your earlobe in between his teeth briefly before whispering in your ear “good girl.”
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The rules of the game: he eats you out, and all you have to do is keep your feet planted on the mattress with your hands around your ankles. It sounded easy enough, until he actually started. It proves to be more difficult than you thought it would be considering he’s basically devouring you like he hasn’t eaten anything in weeks. 
You already faltered once. The second his warm tongue made its way up along your dripping seam, you literally got weak in the knees, legs falling open, hands clutching the sheets instead of your ankles. He let you off easy since this was the first time “playing” this game. But he warned you that was your only freebie, next time he won’t be as generous.
Now you know you’re fighting a losing battle. You’ve been able to keep it together for what feels like forever, but you’re very close to disregarding the rules, grabbing his hair, and riding your way to release. He's been slowly working you up towards the edge and letting you hang there until it disappears a few times now. You throw your head back and cry out as he dips down from your clit dropping his tongue into your cunt, fucking you with it as his nose gently nudges your sensitive bud.
“Oh fff-uck.”
You’re holding on to your ankles for dear life, doing whatever you can just as long as he does not stop this, but your resolve is quickly crumbling. It starts in your abdomen, these shaking tremors, and they grow and move out towards your shoulders, your arms, your legs. You’re so close to your orgasm you can practically taste it. As you climb higher, you let basic instinct take over, forgetting everything else that exists that doesn’t involve Frankie’s tongue on your pussy. Your hands release your ankles and move their way to grasp at Frankie’s hair, fingers raking through and tugging on the roots.
Just as you feel yourself getting close to the edge - back arched, eyes starting to roll to the back of your head, Frankie pulls back. You let out a frustrated whine, reaching down to try and grab his hair, his head, anything to bring his mouth back to where you want it. 
"Fuck, Frankie, why?" You're on the verge of frustrated tears, not caring how pitiful you might sound.
He looks up at you, still between your thighs. He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head disapprovingly, tsking. He slowly rises to his feet, his hands gliding up your thighs, stopping to wrap around and grab the back of them. "Oh baby, now why would you go and do something like that?"
His seemingly innocent words and tone are dripping with concern, but his eyes and the slight quirk of his lip scream danger. Your breath hitches and your body is buzzing in anticipation, just now remembering what you weren't supposed to do. Before you can even comprehend what's happening, he has you flipped over. Your face against the mattress, your knees folded under you, and your ass resting on your heels.
Fuck he’s strong.
He grabs your wrists and pins them behind your back, you can feel his breath against your ear.
"I thought I warned you baby, I wouldn't be so nice the second time around."
You involuntarily let out a whimper, closing your eyes, your pussy clenching around nothing just from the thought of what might come next.
He’s eerily silent for a few minutes. You no longer feel his breath on your face, so he must’ve backed up. The only tell that he’s still in the room with you is the feeling of his hand holding your wrists firmly against your back.
Suddenly, the room is filled with the echo of a crack. You feel the sharp sting from his free hand making contact with the back of your ass, eliciting a small broken moan from you.
“You heard the rules, and you broke them anyways. Good girls don’t break the rules, do they?” He doesn’t bother waiting for you to answer as he rubs his hand across the small of your back and continues. “Only naughty girls break the rules. Do you know what happens to those who break the rules?”
You just whimper again, your mind too focused on the heat on your skin left from his hand.
Another crack echoes throughout the room as he brings his hand to your other cheek, the sheer force of it jolting your body slightly. 
“They get punished.”
At that he lets out a relentless string of slaps to your ass. Each one pulling moans from you, becoming louder and louder as he continues. Every smack of his hand sends chills up your spine and shocks to your already throbbing clit.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you did this on purpose. Look at you, bent over and practically drooling. You’re just a dirty little girl who’s been waiting for me to take control, aren’t you?” 
Smack.
“Just a filthy, naughty girl waiting to be punished.”
Smack.
At this point you’re basically trembling at the combination of his words and his hand bringing you shockingly close to the edge. Frankie must notice, because he suddenly removes his hand from your ass to gently swipe his thumb along your painfully wet seam. He lets out a low moan almost resembling a growl, bringing his thumb to his lips to taste your arousal.   
"You like that, huh?" 
Oh fuck. You let out a high pitched whine, hoping that could be good enough of an answer. You soon find out it most definitely was not.
Smack.
"I asked you a question." 
Smack, smack.
"And I expect an answer." 
Smack, smack, smack.
"Now. You're enjoying this, aren't you?" 
You’re having a hard time controlling your breathing, unable to focus as the sweet tinge of pain brings you closer and closer to that climax you’ve been craving since you hopped off the plane. You somehow find enough will to choke out an answer.
"Y-yes daddy." 
"Then it's not much of a punishment, is it?" 
"No." 
Smack. 
"What did you say?" 
"No daddy." 
"That's what I thought." 
You hear shuffling behind you until Frankie’s leaning down, bringing his lips to your ear. One of his hands still has your arms pinned to your back. He lightly traces the tip of his tongue across the shell of your ear before whispering, "you're just daddy's little slut, aren't you?" 
Something about that strikes a nerve, so much so you visibly wince and whimper out a quiet "cucumber."
He immediately leans back slightly, letting go of your arms, looking worried and runs a hand over your face and your hair, cradling your head.
"What is it you didn’t like, baby? Am I being too rough?"
You shake your head and take a minute, trying to talk yourself up into voicing your issue.
Remember, this is Frankie. You’re safe; you’re safe with him.
"I-I uhm… I just don't like being called a slut." You avoid his eye contact. "Same goes for whore or anything like that…"
His eyes immediately fill with regret as he runs his fingers through your hair. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, you didn't know… I didn't really know either until now." You finally look up at him, bringing one of your hands to rest on his forearm, stroking your thumb across his skin.
"Do you want to stop?" He sounds so concerned, it has you reaching out to stroke his cheek. 
You shake your head and smile. "No baby, I'm fine. You've got me all riled up."
He just chuckles with a sweet smile crossing his lips. "Okay then."
He leans back, straightening back up as he removes his t-shirt. He doesn't break eye contact as he sheds his sweatpants and boxer briefs, throwing them off to the side. He reaches out a hand to you for you to take.
“Stand up.”
You just look back at him confused. “What?”
“I said, stand up.” His tone shifting back to dangerously devilish. 
You grab his hand and let him help you off the bed, bringing you inches away from his body.
“Now get on your knees.”
“Am I still being punished?”
“Do you want to be?” He has a devilish smirk on his face.
Your eyes widen and your breath catches in your throat. Goddamn this man.
He just chuckles. "Don't worry. You don't have to answer that. Just listen to me and you'll be fine. Now. Get on your knees for me."
You lick your lips nervously, nod your head, and sink down to your knees. Your eyes immediately snap to his obviously aching cock just inches away from your face. You’re not sure how he's been able to keep his cool considering he's usually begging you to touch him before it gets this bad. The fat, angry head profusely leaking precum. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen it, you’re still taken aback from the sheer size of Frankie. 
You worry a little, you don’t do this often. If you’re being completely honest, you’re not too keen on giving head, but you also were never with anyone as sweet and patient as Frankie. He never asks you for it, happily accepts it in the moments you do feel like doing so. He never pushes you to take him deeper. No, you never really liked giving blowjobs, but no one else has deserved it before Frankie.  
“Before we start, I need you to look at me.” You look up at him with wide eyes and wait for him to continue.
“You’re not gonna be able to speak for a little bit, but I want you to know you still have an out. If you need me to stop, if it gets to be too much, you tap my thigh, okay?” 
You simply nod.
“Say it back to me, I need to know you understand.”
“If I need you to stop, I tap your thigh.”
He brings a hand down, lightly stroking his fingers across your cheek. “Good girl. You take direction so well, I almost want to reward you.”
“What if I just need you to slow down?”
He seems to think about it, but then shakes his head. “Nothing, we’re doing full stops here. If you just need me to slow down or ease up, you can tell me after I’ve stopped.”
You just nod your head.
He smiles down at you, reaching his hands out. “Give me your hands, baby.”
He gently takes your hands in his before placing them at his thighs, signaling for you to wrap your hands around them.
“You’re gonna want to hold on to something for this.” He winks.
You bite your lip with a shy smile, eager to give this man anything and everything he asks of you.
He runs a thumb over your lips before dragging it down, bringing your lower lip along with it. “Open up for me, beautiful.”
You let his thumb guide your jaw down as you completely hang your mouth open for him.
"Now stick out your tongue."
You can't help the smug glint in your eyes as he takes in a deep, shuddering breath when you follow his orders.
"Oooooh, fuck, baby. If you only knew the things I've wanted to do to this mouth."
He briefly grabs his cock and closes his eyes, releasing some of the pressure that’s been building since you sat in his lap. You think he’s going to guide it towards your mouth, but instead he brings both of his hands to your face, cupping your cheeks and slowly stroking his thumbs across them. You dart your eyes across his face, slightly confused, not knowing what to expect. He suddenly leans over, purses his lips and spits in your mouth. It hits the back of your throat, and you let out what has to be the most depraved moan to ever exist. 
He lets out a low hum in approval. He starts straightening back up, leaving one hand on your face, gliding it down to cup your jaw. He gently lifts and angles your head back slightly so you can see his face.
“You ready for me baby?”
You nod as much as you can in your current position, practically salivating at the thought of him using you this way.
He grabs his cock with his free hand and slowly guides it towards your mouth, rubbing the tip around your tongue. His head falls back as he lets out a moan. He looks back down at you, pupils already blown wide as he settles his cock directly on your tongue before slapping the tip on your tongue a few times. 
“Fuck. God, I can’t wait to fuck this perfect little mouth of yours. Look at you with your tongue hanging out for me. So good for me. Oh baby, you want this as bad as I do, don’t you.” 
He continues spewing out filth as he finally starts guiding his cock into your mouth slowly. He moans in relief of finally being touched by you, his cock twitching when you attempt to open your mouth wider for him.
His words, this act, it's all so… lewd. Downright filthy, depraved even. It's exhilarating. 
His tip slowly starts making its way across where your gag reflex usually takes over and you start to choke and gag slightly around him. You grip his thighs harder determined to see this through. He eases back slightly, trying to comfort you with words of encouragement. 
“All right, baby. All right, baby. Come on now. You can take it.” 
You swear you almost cum on the spot. Frankie never talks to you like this, and every filthy word that drips out of his mouth is an electric shock straight to your core. You clench your thighs when his fingers push down on the hinges of your jaw to get you to relax and open up even more for him. “Oh, fuck, yeah baby just like that. You’re doing so well for me baby, just breathe out of your nose for m- shit-“
You involuntarily swallow around him as his tip breaches your throat. He hisses and quickly pulls out of your mouth with a popping sound, leaving you gasping for breath. The two of you connected merely by a string of spit. 
“Fuck baby, if you keep doing that I’m not gonna last too long. I want to take my time, to savor this beautiful fucking mouth of yours.” You squeeze his thighs harder from his praise, letting out a small moan. 
“Please.” You sound almost desperate and breathless, wanting to give this to him. You don’t even know what you’re begging for exactly, all you know is you want to make him feel good. 
He chuckles. “Yeah? You like the idea of me fucking this mouth?”
“I like the idea of you using me however you want.”
That has him break slightly, his mouth gaping just a little trying to process what you said.
“W-what?”
You smirk, taking advantage of this short moment where you have control over him. “You heard me. Use me, daddy.”
Something darker flashes in his eyes, something primal. “Open back up for me.”
You open back up wide, sticking your tongue out for him. He guides his cock back into your mouth, and then moves his hand to the back of your hair, grasping a fistful of hair. The hand wrapped around your jaw tightens as he starts to rock back and forth, thrusting in and out of your mouth slowly. He starts to pick up the pace, groaning as he repeatedly hits the back of your throat. It takes every ounce of concentration in you to not choke or gag around him.
“Look at you, so desperate for my cock that you’ll let me fuck your mouth. Fuck, is this what you want? You want daddy to use you? So filthy, such a filthy girl for me.”
You moan around him, his words bringing a new wave of slick down your thighs. You look up at him, basking at his expression of pure bliss. He closes his eyes and leans his head back as he moans and continues his string of filth. He must be close, because he’s thrusting even faster, harder. Tears are welling up in the corner of your eyes and a mixture of spit and precum is slowly dripping out of your mouth and down to your chin from the way he’s stretching your mouth open. 
He’s just about to cum when he looks down and sees the tears in your eyes slipping out, and running down your cheeks. Panic overtakes him and he immediately pulls out, leaving you gasping for air. He’s worried he’s gone too far and that you were afraid to stop him. He lets go of your hair and drops to his knees in front of you. Grabbing your face with his hands, he wipes away your tears asking if you’re okay. You’re slightly confused, not really registering the worry in his tone or even the words he’s saying. You’re trying to remember in the chaos of bliss if you had somehow accidentally tapped his thigh to signal for him to stop. 
“W-what?” you asked, dazed. 
“I said, are you okay? Did I go too far?” The guilt starting to creep over his features makes your heart ache for him.
You’re still confused wondering what prompted this, and slowly shake your head. “No, no I’m fine. I didn’t tap your thigh, did I?”
“No, but you were crying.” 
You smile at him, leaning in to give him a reassuring kiss. Once you pull away you answer him. 
“No, baby, I’m fine, you haven’t gone too far. It’s just an involuntary reaction. Y’know… my mouth and throat aren’t really used to being so full.” You give him a little wink and he chuckles relieved, and you also notice the slight blush that creeps across his face. 
He leans forward, capturing your lips with his, immediately running his tongue along your lips to deepen the kiss. You bring your own hands up to grab his forearms, leaning into the kiss more as your lips move together, tongues dancing across the others. 
Whatever small part of you that might have had some reservations before starting, sharing the same concerns Frankie had, has completely been wiped away. It sounds cliche, and you know the only person that can truly heal you is yourself, but in this moment…  it’s as if he has taken you apart piece by piece, cherishing each one, polishing it until it looks brand new again, putting each piece back better than he found it. 
Every part of you exposed to him and instead of running, instead of trying to look away each time an ugly or unpleasant part of you is revealed he stays. He’s the “good man in a storm,” fighting his way through the wind, the rain, the debris to show you over and over again that no matter what you might throw his way, no matter what you might reveal about yourself, he will not cave, he will not falter; no judgment, no shame. 
You two pull away for air. He leans his forehead against yours, his thumbs stroking your face and echoing your words from earlier. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
You lean back expecting him to stand back up and continue what you were doing, but instead he pulls you back in for one more quick kiss before whispering “go lay down on the bed for me.”
You don’t even think twice or question it before you’re crawling up on the bed and laying down once your head reaches the pillows. Frankie takes a moment to take it all in. You sprawled out on the bed waiting for him, this woman that he loves so much who agreed to let him explore this part of himself without a second thought. He’s never been more grateful for anything in his life than when you entered it. 
You reach a hand out to him, silently urging him to come join you. He grins and slowly makes his way across the bed until he’s hovering over you, nudging your legs apart with his knees so he can rest himself between them. He brings one hand up next to your head, his forearm leaning on the bed to prop him up, while the other hand slowly drifts down your body until his fingers lightly brush your aching clit. 
You shudder and let out a whiny “oh fuck.”
You close your eyes as he swiftly enters a single finger into you, easily sinking it all the way in. “Mmmm, oh baby, so wet already for me. Think you’re ready?”
You open your eyes and nod your head quickly, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair.
“I can’t wait any longer, please just fuck me. Please please please.” You don’t care how desperate you sound, you feel like you’re about to explode from all the teasing, edging, and waiting since this all started.
He just looks down at you almost sympathetically. “Fuck you sound so pretty begging for me. But I have to get you ready for me baby, we’re going fast and hard tonight.”
You whine in frustration, starting to get fed up with not getting your way. He slips a second finger into you, slowly starting to thrust them back and forth. It’s not enough though.
“It’s not enough, Frankie please.” You lift your hips up hoping you can entice him to just take you already. All he does is chuckle in response.
“Such a needy little thing.” He slips a third finger in, fucking his fingers in and out faster. For a brief moment, there’s some relief from the stretch, but you realize quickly that it’s still not enough.
You reach down with one of your hands in an attempt to grab his and manage to wrap it around his wrist. All this does though is instigate him to stop with his fingers still inside of you. He looks at you disapprovingly, raising an eyebrow at you. “Is this how we get what we want?”
You shake your head, and let out a small “no” before removing your hand from his wrist, dropping it beside you on the mattress in defeat. 
He just looks you over, mulling something over before snapping his eyes back to yours. He slowly removes his fingers from inside you and brings them up to your lips.
“Open up.”
You do as you’re told, just staring at him as he dips his fingers into your mouth. You immediately wrap your lips around them, licking and sucking them clean from your arousal. Once he’s satisfied, he slowly pulls them out and braces his forearm on the other side of your head, settling himself down and pressing his weight on you.
You feel his cock heavy against your mound. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly starts thrusting back and forth, dragging himself over your clit with each pass. You bring your hands to his lower back, trying to get him to go faster, anything to finally push you over the edge. Instead he stops and just looks at you. At this point, you’re so close to just reaching down and finishing yourself off, but that’s not what you want. 
Without a word, he slowly guides the tip of his cock to your entrance, finally notching it there. You involuntarily clench and whimper at the promise of finally getting what you want. He leans down and runs the tip of his nose over the shell of your ear before whispering, taunting you. “Is this what you’ve been wanting? Is this what all that pitiful whining has been about? Can’t wait one second more for my cock to split you open?”
You sigh, closing your eyes. “Yes daddy.”
He chuckles and continues. "Y'know, you've been such a good girl for me tonight, but now I want to hear you say my name. You got that?" 
He emphasizes his point, suddenly thrusting into you completely. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, your hands wrapping around his back, nails immediately digging into his skin. A deep guttural moan making its way out of you.
“Oh fuck! Yes Frankie.”
He shifts around, moving his arms to hook under knees, bringing them closer to your chest as he rests his forearms back on the mattress. He licks his lips and gives you one sweet peck before thrusting slowly out and quickly back into you, immediately setting a fast pace. 
The room fills with sounds of your hips slapping together, and the moans falling from both of your lips.
He growls in your ear. “I’ll never get enough of how wet you get for me. I slipped in so easily. You’ve been so good for me tonight. Fuck. I love you so much.” 
Even with the fast pace, you can tell he’s holding back still. “Frankie, just let go. I can take it.” 
He drops his head into your shoulder with a moan, thrusting himself into you harder. Between the angle and how deep he’s reaching, the tip of his cock keeps rubbing against that spot that fills your vision with spots. You can feel your cunt slowly clenching around his cock tighter and tighter.
He lets out a low groan, almost sounding pained. “Fuck baby, you’re squeezing me so tight, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.”
You can hardly hear him from the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, yes Frankie, please don’t stop. Oh ffffuck-”
Like a string being pulled taught to its snapping point, whatever was holding you back from going over the edge finally snaps and your orgasm hits you quick and hard. Your vision blurs and your whole body wraps around Frankie as tight as it can as he fucks you through your release.
“Frankie, Frankie please cum for me. Please, I want to feel you so bad.” You dig your heels into his lower back, urging him to take what he needs. His breathing is heavy and labored against your shoulder as he chases his own release. 
“You’re always so good to me, fuck baby. Fuck, I’m so close.” It takes one, two, three more hard thrusts before you feel him pulse as he’s spilling his seed into you, following up with shallow thrusts riding out the high until it becomes too much.
You both just lay there wrapped around each other for a moment, breathing heavily and covered in a thick layer of sweat. You both hiss as Frankie slowly pulls out of you and drops down on the bed next to you. You take a moment to look over at him as he lays there with his eyes closed still trying to catch his breath. He wipes a large hand over his face before he looks over at you, a sleepy but sated smile on his face. You bite your lip while giving him a small smile.
“That was…” you start, but he quickly jumps in to finish your sentence.
“Better than I could have ever hoped for.”
You beam at him, feeling a small sense of pride that you were able to fulfill this fantasy he’s been holding back from you. Feeling even more delighted that you thoroughly enjoyed it, wondering when the two of you might do that again.
He reaches out and pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you. He places a soft kiss to the top of your head before running his fingers through your hair. “How are you feeling?”
You close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of him wrapped around you. You just hum in response, not knowing what to say. He takes his hand from your hair and, using a finger, gently lifts your chin up to face him. He’s smiling sweetly down at you, but you notice how there’s a twinge of worry in his eyes. “Baby, I need you to answer me.”
You smile at him rasping out “tired.”
He just chuckles. “But you’re okay?”
You nod, bringing one of your hands up to brush your fingers across his jaw. “I’m great Frankie, you always take such good care of me.”
He grabs your hand and places a kiss on your palm before placing it back against his jaw.
“What about here?” He lightly rubs a hand down to skim the skin on your ass. 
“A little sore, but I kinda like it.”
He starts brushing his fingers through your hair again. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
You snuggle into him closer, wrapping your arm around his chest. “Just hold me.”
He chuckles and pulls you in closer, wrapping both arms around you.
“And… and maybe…”
“What do you need, baby? I’ll do anything.”
You look up at him with a mischievous twinkle in your eyes. “Maybe a lil nap and then I get to call the shots?” You bite the inside of your lip as you smile at him, waiting for his reaction.
His eyes widen in surprise before he leans down to capture your lips in his for a quick kiss. “You don’t gotta ask me twice.”
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How did you get so good?
summary: you've never had a one-night stand and honestly, it shows.
prompt: when they just finished hooking up and he says "I just had my tongue inside you, you can start calling me by my first name," she *forgot* his name.
words: 2.8 k
playlist: I mean for this fic, is this one.
warnings: smut. like pure dirty smut, smut like i've never written before. i mean it. I've been obsessing over Rooster and I just like I wanted to write something and I have a couple of things but this was just self-indulgent, also I need practice for what's coming with 18.
bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw masterlist
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You usually weren’t the type to do a one-night stand. 
In fact, you were the opposite of doing such a thing. Nonetheless, when you were summoned back to Top Gun after years for a high-level mission after you’d just broken up with your fiance, you realized that you needed to live a little more, especially since if you were chosen and for some strange reason you didn’t make it, you didn’t want to regret it. 
Therefore, you weren't too close off when you were presented with the tall and tanned handful of handsome pilots that boisterously moved toward you. Instead, you chose to give them a little smile, play pool with the tiny white summer dress that you decided to wear and glance at them through your lashes, sipping on your drink slowly as you wondered who the best candidate could be. They all introduced themselves to you, always chuckling a bit as they heard your call sign, which was the usual reaction when they heard “y/n ‘Brat’ y/l/n”
But then, the first four chords rang out of the piano, and your knees when weak. 
“You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane. You broke my will but what a thrill, goodness gracious great balls of fire!” he sang, his voice deep and deliciously raspy, you felt your heart jumping as you turned to where the voice came from. 
He was taller than anyone in there, you could see it just by the way he was moving with the piano. Sun-kissed skin, sandy-brown hair that turned gold with the certain light of the room, broad shoulders, and a pornstache that would look awful on anyone except him. That’s how you’d first seen him and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him after that, and when they introduced you two, he couldn’t look away either, instead, he looked at you unashamedly. 
“...‘Rooster’ Bradshaw,” he announced as his palm slid into yours but you could only focus on his honey-burnt eyes and his smile.
“y/n ‘Brat’ y/l/n,” you muttered as your cheeks burned, his lips quirked up when he heard your call sign. 
After that, the night turned into a blur and you weren’t sure exactly how you ended up on the side of the blue bronco as gentle moans that were muffled with his palm left your lips while your eyelashes flutter as he rocked his hips forward against your core, his large hands gripping your hipbones so harsh that you knew bruises would appear tomorrow. 
“y/n,” he breathed out and you whimpered. “Get in the car,” He warned, his voice husky as he pressed his forehead to yours while his eyes remained shut, almost as if he opened them, he would fuck you open right there and then, in front of everyone. 
You also weren’t aware of how quickly he’d manage to reach his place since you were too busy being a moaning- whimpering mess as his hand climbed through your thigh and into your core. But you didn’t miss how he met your gaze, the look on his face said it all. “You are soaked, darling,” he whispered and you felt like crying as his thumb started to stroke a delicate pattern against your clit.
It all turned into a mess once he opened the door for you, as you stumbled through his porch, already pulling down the annoying Hawaiian shirt he’d worn that night and you were sure you’d left it outside once he’d managed to open the door to the small cottage he called home while you were already kicking your shoes off and fumbling with his belt. You continued to kiss as you enter the house and he let you down, your hands moving up and down, finding fabric and occasionally skin, moving, finding, touching, discarding clothes, more touching. 
It was a miracle you’d manage to reach his bed, honestly. 
But against all odds, there you were. In bed with the most handsome man you’d ever met, a man you’d met barely hours before, whimpering for him, moaning for him as you felt how hard he was in his boxers when he moved his hips against you. 
“Rooster, don’t tease” you breathed out as he struggled to undo the zipper of your dress, too distracted by the way you were bucking your hips forward to his while placing your hands on the small of his back, hurrying him up to fuck you already without saying it but you knew, he knew.
You were impatient for him. 
“You really are a brat, you know?” he murmured as his hands traveled from the zipper of your dress to the cotton panties that you were wearing. He hooked the fingers and pulled your panties down slowly before colliding his lips against yours, it was a bruising kiss, so fucking needy that it made you dizzy. 
Without warning, he’d pressed a hard thumb into your slit and you jolted, quickly your nails dug into his back and you were sure that there would be a pattern of crescent moons on his back tomorrow. As one of his hands stroked you, rubbing and flicking, his free arm fell into the side of your head while his nose pressed right under your chin, giving him access to your neck as you let out a silent moan. His knuckles pressed themselves into your clit and you felt your knees shaking, your walls clenching at nothing. You feel like crying. 
“Does that feel good, darling?” he muttered as he licked your neck and you couldn’t answer because he soon pushed two fingers into you and you screamed at the stretch while he watched you carefully. “I bet that feels good,” he whispered against the shell of your ear and you could swear you hear his smug smirk. 
His fingers speed up, forcing your entire lower half to vibrate and your knees began to shake. If you were doing this against his car and if he wasn’t holding you, completely supporting you with his body weight, you knew you’d have fallen over by the way he was touching you.
“Fuck,” you moan as you roll your hips against his hand, chasing your high, feeling yourself growing closer but then, Rooster withdrew his fingers altogether, you furrowed your eyebrows and you sighed in frustration as you pushed yourself onto your elbows, wondering where he went. 
“What the fu-FUCK,” 
That was the only thing you managed to say because Rooster’s face was already buried between your thighs. He pressed his tongue against your core, making you shudder. One of your hands quickly slid up into his golden curls as your head fell back against the bed. His nose pressed into your clit and his tongue teased your entrance and you couldn’t help but curled your fingers in his hair, tugging harshly at his roots, eliciting a groan from him.
And you screamed. 
You fucking screamed because there’s no way that he could be that good. His tongue expertly moved against you and you didn’t know if you were just hypersensitive from the earlier assault with his fingers but it felt like heaven as you felt his tongue working you open. You raised your head for a second and even in the dizziness, you watched as his shoulders muscles flexed as he used his strength to push your hips down, preventing you from squirming which only caused you to moan louder, and soon he noticed because those beautiful honey eyes met with yours and you realize how pretty he looks there. 
The sight alone made your vision go blurry as you aggressively fucked his face. And he complies, he growled against you and the vibration made you snap, as you fall into the bed. He then guided two fingers inside of you, giving you something to clench around and you began to see white spots on your vision. He continued to hold you down, as he gently sucked on your clit and worked on you with his fingers, your walls clenching around them and you just knew it was right there. 
But then he stopped.
“Who said you could stop,” you grumbled, throat sore and raw because of your screams, and Rooster chuckled while he shook his head before he kissed you softly, you could taste yourself on his tongue and you moaned at the taste. 
“Honey, I want the first time you come to be on my cock,” he muttered against your lips. Your eyes fell on him and you saw how he got rid of every one of the items of clothing he had, he was simply pumping his cock, preparing it for you. 
You whimpered at the sight as you struggle to say anything. “Just fuck me,” you breathed, you pleaded. His lips quirked again and soon his cock pushed at your entrance. You gasped against his mouth, digging your fingernails into his back as he stretched you. He was big, he was the biggest you’d ever had and you winced a bit as he fully sank into you. 
“You are doing so good, darling,” his voice was gruffer as he kissed your face while you adjusted to his size. You moan loudly, mouth wide open as you gasp for air. Your body adjusts to the feeling of being full; stuffed beyond capacity, beyond everything you thought that it was possible. “You look so pretty like this,”
You were sure that he’d just ruined men for you. He was so good and you just couldn’t understand how tender he could be, he was a true gentleman. 
You whimpered under him as he began to move slowly and in one second, when his pelvis rolled forward, your clit managed to rub against the base of his shaft, and your nails dug into him. He growled and you were gone. You began to kiss his neck eagerly as he drove his hips forward, drawing sweet moans from your lips as you arched your chest up against his while your walls clench at the movement, soon he found a steady pace and your skin felt like it was on fire, burning up as if you just entered hell. 
But this? This was your heaven. 
“Faster,” you cried. “Faster, Rooster,” 
He complies with an incoherent noise of vague agreement as he lifted you from the bed and placed you on a desk nearby, things fall over and you were pretty sure something broke but you don’t care because of the way his hips snapped against yours and how he fucked impossibly deeper into you against the mahogany desk.
A growl escaped his throat as he ducked forward to kiss you, fucking you faster and harder, using all his strength to drive himself into you. He was unrelenting in his pace, rapid calculated thrust as he continued piercing you on his cock and you couldn’t help the tears of pleasure than came from your eyes by the way he moved. 
You screamed, you moaned, you whimpered. 
You even cried out his name again and didn’t realize it until he kissed your jaw and muttered “I got you darling, cum for me,” he groaned as he pepper your throat with feverishly kisses and you simply pushed your legs apart from him. 
Then, the tip of his cock brushed impossibly deeper into you, making you cry and you just knew you were there. You quickly began to kiss him, tongue moving against yours as his hand worked skillfully against your clit, he groaned loudly against your lips as your pussy contracted around his cock, squeezing him for all that he was worth. 
Your entire body tensed up. The coil on your stomach snapped and you screamed and Rooster continued to fuck you through your orgasms, before he came undone, pulling you impossibly close against him and continued to drive himself as deep as he could go. Your walls continue to squeeze him, fluttering around his throbbing cock as he stuffed himself into you. You were sure that you heard your name but you were too dizzy to even think about it. 
You both stayed there for a moment, panting before he left soft kisses on your neck and chest, holding you until you stopped trembling and he also stopped shaking. It takes you a couple of minutes to actually say anything or even move, the room doesn’t stop spinning immediately but soon Rooster carried you to his bed, still inside of you, and you feel comforted by it, he pushed the hair out of your face, his thumb tender against the side of your cheek. 
You closed your eyes and he kisses you until you fall asleep. 
You were woken by the sunlight on your face and a buzzing from your phone, it was 6:00 am and you needed to be on the base at 6:30 am. 
You stretched your arms and found nothing, the sheets were wrinkled and you could hear Rooster in the other room. You sighed, you realized that you’d broken one of the rules about one-night stands, you slept over. Cursing yourself, you tried to stand up as best as you could but honestly, you weren’t even able to walk completely straight. You brush your hair while looking at yourself in the mirror of the room, hoping that you didn’t look too fucked but it as a lost battle. You did what you could before you focus on retrieving your panties from somewhere in the room, between the discarded clothes that he had left on the room also the items that had fallen from the desk hours before indeed you had broken a glass of water but neither of you seemed too interest in cleaning up. 
It took you a few minutes to find your panties but thankfully, you hadn’t removed the dress, so you weren’t completely naked. Nonetheless, you know your purse and your shoes were somewhere in between the entrance of his house and the room, therefore you counted to fifty before you walked out of the room, as nonchalant as you could. 
He was in the kitchen, in all of his tanned and ripped glory, only wearing a pair of grey shorts that hang low on his hips. You couldn’t help but smile at the smell of the coffee and even smirk a bit once you see the red marks on his back, neck, and arms. It takes a few minutes for him to notice you but once he does, god, his eyes were practically beaming. 
“Morning, y/n,” he said, bringing the cup of coffee to his lips, his eyes looking at you unashamedly.
“Morning, Rooster,” you say as you try your best to walk as straight as possible as you reached for your shoes that were indeed left on the floor, but you notice how his lips are turning up when he realizes that you really can’t walk as usual. “I really have to go for my uniform,” you said sweetly, as you also picked up your purse from the floor. 
“I can take you,” he offered with a bright smile and you rolled your eyes, he was indeed a gentleman. “You know, I just had my tongue inside you, you can start calling me by my first name,” he said softly before he winked at you.
And your heart stopped because to the best of your abilities, your mind couldn’t seem to remember his name. You curse mentally as you try to recall the moment that he introduced himself but you can only remember his call sign and his last name. Soon, your cheeks heat up and you were sure that your whole face turned into a splotchy red, not a cute light blush. Under normal circumstances -at least that’s what you’d assumed- since it was a one-night stand you shouldn’t have needed to remember his name, instead you should’ve left in the early hours of the morning without so much as a goodbye. 
But now you were here and you could feel his gaze burning you while you tried to avoid his eyes by leaning into the counter.
“Oh my god,” he muttered as he let his coffee mug down.“You don’t remember my name?” he asked, and a hand goes to his uncovered chest with a dramatic gasp. 
You couldn’t help yourself, opting for covering your face with your hands. “I’m sorry,” you whispered as you felt him walking around the counter, soon his hands rested on the edge of the counter beside your hip, he was pinning you down and you felt shivers as you let your hands fall down. Your breath caught in your throat as you realize how close he was and the way he was looking at you. 
You swallowed hard. 
“No, don’t worry,” he whispered nonchalantly as he leaned down to your ear after giving you a peck on the corner of your mouth. “It’s Bradley,” he whispered before he started to kneel down in front of you, one of his hands going up your skirt and touching you again. “And after this, I don’t think you’ll be able to forget it,”
And you never did. 
***
feedback is always welcomed!!!
donate: help me pls with a glass of wine after such hard core smut?
***
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persephoneflowerpetals · 11 months
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Disney Hades x Pregnant Reader Headcanons
Back at it again with some more headcanons lol! I simply adore my f/os being all domestic, so this was really fun to write! And as always, these headcanons are pretty self indulgent lol. Enjoy!
He doesn’t believe it at first because he’s so in shock, so once you tell him you’ll have to say it again for him to really get it lol
He kinda always wanted an heir to his domain (even though he complains about hating the place and wanting to rule on Olympus instead)
Now that he knows you’re pregnant he’s all about preparing for the baby to come
He gets a little nursery ready and attempts to baby-proof the place as much as he can (he’s not completely successful since the underworld is so big and dangerous, but he wants to make sure the baby stays safe when it starts learning to walk and crawl)
He also comes up with tons of names for the kid and will constantly suggest them when they pop into his head
“Hey, babe. How does Dionysus sound? A girl name? I dunno, I’m still thinking about that, but it should definitely be a name as pretty as yours that’s for sure.”
This god is more than willing to become your faithful servant during your pregnancy
Got a certain craving that’s hard to find? Don’t even worry about it, he’ll find a way to get it for ya
Feeling sore and achy? One massage and living heating pad (aka him) coming up!
Also he won’t let you do much while you’re pregnant
No picking up heavy stuff, no chores, no work, only rest and relaxation for you
If you actually want to do some things he won’t let you do then just let him know, it’ll take some convincing because he’s stubborn and hard-headed, but he’s nuts for ya, so he’ll give in eventually lol
Also this god is super clingy when he learns you’re pregnant
He is by your side almost 24/7 to make sure you’re okay
He’s constantly checking on you and making sure you’re happy and comfortable (that’s mainly his anxious side coming out because he’s really nervous about having a baby)
Hades is gonna have a lot of pent up emotions about all of this (mainly anxious and apprehensive feelings), so you may want to talk with him about it if he looks stressed
He didn’t have the best dad growing up (I mean, he literally tried to eat him and his brothers) and he doesn’t know anything about kids or babies, so he’s really nervous that he’s gonna mess up and become a horrible parent to his kid
Please reassure him! He really needs to hear good things from somebody (especially you)!
If you start getting nauseous and getting morning sickness he’ll totally be there for you holding back your hair (if you have long hair lol), wiping your face, and giving you water
Also if you get sick somewhere he’ll get Pain and Panic to clean it up lol
And if you get sick on him by accident, well that’s okay too, he knows you can’t help it
This dude eats worms and spends his days with dead, slimy souls floating in a river, so he can handle some vomit lol
If you’re in “nesting mode” as he calls it and you just want to nap for most of the day then he’ll make sure the place is absolutely silent so you can rest
He may have Pain and Panic guarding the bedroom door while you rest if he has to work or go somewhere while you’re resting, but if they get too loud he’ll get angry
Honestly, if anybody’s too loud he’ll get angry and pretty much just roast them (if he ends up waking you up from that he’ll feel bad and profusely apologize)
He will wake you up when it’s time for a meal, though, but he’s alway super gentle about it
He’s constantly checking on you to make sure you’ve eaten or have had enough to drink, he wants to make sure you and the baby are healthy at all times
Not only does this dude dote on you, but he spoils you like crazy (as if he doesn’t already when you’re not pregnant lol)
Lots of soft, fluffy pillows and blankets for you to sleep on
Hot bubble baths so you can relax
Top quality meals
Anything you desire is yours, only the best for you, babe, no expenses spared
He always has to be touching your baby bump when he’s around you, it’s just the way he is
He’s a very handsy god, so he already touches you all time time anyways, but when you’re pregnant his hands are constantly on you in almost an overprotective way
Even while he’s sleeping with you he’ll just always have his hand on your belly as if it’s instinct
He also loves to “gossip” with the baby
He’ll lay with you while he rubs your baby bump and talks to the baby about his day or the other gods or stuff that ticks him off
“What do you mean they can’t hear me? Of course they can hear me! Now where was I? Oh yeah, so Zeus says-“
Oh and he totally freaks out when he feels his first kick
“Did you feel that!? They just kicked! What a little fighter, huh!? Gonna be tough just like their dad! I’ll have to teach you how to beat up kids on the playground!”
And if you think he’s all riled up now, you should see him when the baby comes lol
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leebrontide · 1 year
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Ok so I said I would do a post on “reasons you��re not writing” from the POV of a writer/therapist who works with anxious, depressed, and neurodivergent clients. If you dig that, read on.
But firstly, a disclaimer. This list is far from comprehensive. Don’t yell at me if your experience isn’t represented. This is a tumblr post. Have realistic expectations.
Also, sometimes the reason you’re not writing is that your other obligations are just taking all of your energy and focus. Fixing that is well beyond the scope of this.
That said, here’s a bunch of barriers I see people run into all the time.
1) You’re afraid of failing, and subconsciously feel like it’s safer not to try.
This is a tricky one, because it's probably messing up many areas of your life, which in turn means you're going to frequently feel stressed out in general, which speaks to the point above.
This is around about where the general internet will tend to offer you an array of affirmations to use to sooth yourself. And that's fine. If those work for you, then use them! BUT, if the affirmations aren't working, then friend you have a bigger project on your hands.
You need to get comfortable with failing, particularly at creative projects. I know that can feel scary and vulnerable, but you won't take risks if you can't fail, which is going to hem in your creativity so hard that your motivation will starve. This is why people talk about writing a garbage draft. Not because they want to make garbage, but because they need the option of making garbage in order to take risks. That may or may not work for you, but either way, you really might wanna look at how to lower your stakes.
2) You’re not sure what you’re trying to communicate.
You can make things happen in the story, but you feel like you’re wandering around aimlessly. You don't find you're making decisions with conviction. It might be hard to really fall in love with any of your writing decisions.
For this one, I suggest stepping back and figuring out what the core of your enthusiasm for a story consists of. That CAN be a message or philosophy. It can also be a feeling or a vibe or a dynamic. That gives you a structure that you can build your decisions around, that you can be enthusiastic about.
3) You switched hyperfocus. And maybe your new hyperfocus is a lot of fun, but you feel sadness thinking about the WIP you left behind.
This one has a similar need to the one before, with an added layer of nuance, because you're probably already struggling with identifying what does interest you. This can make people feel really hopeless and helpless.
I have three totally different suggestions for this one. The first is to just be patient with yourself. Sometimes it's good for your brain to just indulge, and let your brain mine for dopamine where it can. Like, lean in. Spa day for your brain, as long as it's feeling good.
Secondly, see if you can find creative ways to weave your hyperfocus into your writing. Is there a dynamic in your favorite show that can inspire your writing, even if it's an original work? Do you want to take a moment to think about how transportation works in the history of your world? Can you consider your MCs relationship to old movies?
It doesn't always work, but sometimes instead of trying to switch things over, you can build a bridge, that gives depth and texture to your work.
Finally- consider embracing short fiction! Do some writing inspired directly by the hyperfocus du joir while it's around.
4) You feel like nothing you say will be interesting to anyone else.
We understand this is a self-esteem issue, right? You're gonna have to develop the trust that your experiences are not so utterly unrelatable to everyone else that your perspective has no value.
Friend, you are a human, with human experiences, writing for other humans. Trust me, you can do this.
It can help to think about your actual convictions. What do you know? What have you experienced? What matters to you? Funnily enough, the cure for feeling like nothing in you is worth expressing is to pour more of yourself into your writing.
5) You’re collapsed. It’s hard to feel enthusiasm and energy for things.
You're not gonna like this, but for this one I encourage you to put your keyboard or notebook down and stop trying to write right now. I know that when you're feeling better the writing feels good, and you're trying to feel better because everyone is telling you to feel better.
But it's not working, is it? If it was, you wouldn't be reading this.
For many people, writing requires them to be able to feel investment and excitement, because those feelings help steer them towards what's going to work and be exciting for the reader.
Your best bet is to focus your energy on finding gentle little activities that aren't so hard to focus on. Ideally, ones that get you moving just a little bit. You'll have a better time writing when you're less collapsed.
Shaming yourself and getting hopeless and anxious because you can't do this really difficult task right now will make you more collapsed, not less, which will be the opposite of helpful.
And yes, these are depression symptoms. Consider reaching out for supports and assessment around that if you can.
6) You can’t figure out the next step.
Thank God for the internet, this one is a lot more actionable than it used to be.
The first thing to do here is step back and ask yourself "where am I getting lost?" If you have someone to talk this through with, even better.
Then you hop on to your favorite search engine and type in "Stuck on my outline 2nd act" or "can't get started editing" or whatever. People LOVE giving writing advice. There's plenty around. Read some advice! Try things out!
Now here is the critical point- when and if that advice fails, stop and figure out why it failed. For example, I have a short term memory disorder. Most writing process advice is for people who do not have short term memory impairments. So a lot of the advice just plain didn't work for me.
By figuring out that my subpar memory was in the way of my writing process, I was able to put together processes that work for my specific brain and my specific process. You can read about that in more depth here and here.
Frankenstien yourself a process out of stolen bits of other people's processes, with an understanding of your own personalized needs as the lightning that brings it all to life. If you have even traits of ADHD or autism or other forms of neurodiversity (no diagnosis needed) you might also google "ADHD editing hacks".
Finally, and maybe most importantly, chuck anything that you can't adapt right into the trash. I don't care how great the writer who gave the advice is. That's what works for their life and their brain. You have neither. Writing advice is only as useful as it is adaptable.
7) You think of yourself as someone who doesn’t finish things, possibly with history to back that up.
Oh, I feel this one. This was me so hard. For so long.
Make room for the idea that you can and will change over time. Getting shit done is largely a matter of developing a bunch of skills. You've already developed so many different skills in your life that you might not even recognize some of them as skills. But I promise you that you have.
But you see #6? Go read that one again. If you're not finishing things, it's because there's something missing in your routine and process that you haven't developed skills around yet.
I'm not gonna tell you it's easy, but you can find and isolate the barriers and figure out ways around them.
8) You have too many projects and feel frozen when you try to pick one to work on.
Ask yourself if this is a real problem. It may be! Maybe you dream of making a living off of your writing! That requires a level of consistency.
But it also might just be that you've had it drilling into your head that not finishing things is some kind of personal failing.
Write out all your WIPs and story seeds.
See if some of them can be mushed into one. Some AMAZING stories come from people combining story ideas that seem separate into a single story. That's fun.
See if some of them are not for finishing. What's that post going around? Some stories are for finishing, and some are just for "getting the wiggles out"? That's solid advice.
Maybe some stories are just for daydreaming on the bus. Maybe some stories are actually only 1/3rd of a story, and you want to leave it to grow in the ground before you try to do anything with it. That's incredibly valid and common!
If you actually look at the stories that you have that are for finishing, right now, you may find a much more manageable number. And if you only have like 2 or 3 things you're working on, you can just let them take turns as the passion for each project takes you.
Keep a file somewhere of these undeveloped ideas. I have a scrivner file that has each idea it's own little sub-document so I can add thoughts to them for years as they percolate.
9) You get lost in preparation and don’t make it to the page.
A couple different things can be happening here. One thing that may be happening is that you're just a writer who needs a lot of research and prep time before you write. I'm like that. I will prewrite intensively for a year before I write a single sentence. That sounds ridiculous to a lot of people but it works with how my brain works and then when I do start writing I can easily and happily churn out a consistent 2-4k words per hour. If it works it works! Don't let anyone shame you!
The other option is that you feel like you're going to get something wrong/fail/get in trouble if you get anything "wrong". You feel safer doing research, so that's where you stay.
Only you can figure out which it is. Introspect. Then you know whether to focus on managing anxiety or just keep preppin.
10) You want to write, but when you sit down to write suddenly it’s two hours later and you’ve written like 5 words but curated 3 new playlists, read some fanfiction, and argued with some strangers on the internet.
Brains are rough, aren't they.
There are two schools of thought here. Both work, but not for all the same people.
Option 1 is to clear distractions. Download one of those apps that keeps you off the internet. Put your phone someplace that you need a ladder to reach, so you have to very actively decide to go get it. Noise cancelling headphones. Comfy clothes. Protein rich snacks and a beverage within easy reach. Pee ahead of time. Make a routine out of it to train your brain into associating this with focus.
Option 2 is to figure out the optimal level of distraction. When I write nonfiction I almost always have mindless home renovation shows on at the same time. Because nonficiton writing isn't quite stimulating enough to hold my attention. So my attention wanders and I end up doing something that WILL hold my attention. When I write fiction, I need music OR to be outdoors where I can look at trees or clouds or people on the sidewalk. I can't watch any kind of TV.
Think of your attention like a pie chart. Different writing tasks may take up different percentages of that pie. If you're awesome at focus maybe you can just put 90% of your focus on writing, and the other 10% is just making sure you don't forget to eat or something. But if you can't reliably conjure up more than 70% for one thing, then fill the rest of the pie with things you can easily pick up and put down. I only look up at the home decorating shows when my passive audio scanning suggests it's something I want to look up at.
These are both good approaches. Ignore anyone who demonizes either. That only means they've found the version that works for them.
You have your brain. Build a process for your brain.
I hope this helps. I have a free monthly newsletter if you like hearing my rants. It is...not consistently about writing advice or mental health. One time I wrote about how genetically modified goats are related to French colonized Madagascar in the 1800s as well as the modern US military. One time I broke down modern challenges to medical privacy practice policies. This is all to do with what I write but in an idiosyncratic way.
Cause I gotta write about what I care about.
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namazunomegami · 5 months
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emperor!sukuna x imperial concubine!reader
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a/n: part 2 of my self-indulging mess. I had a lot of fun writing him and his drabble got finished way before I developed the whole plotline for Geto lol. I'll try to complete Gojo today or tomorrow and Toji is in the works yaaay!!
Also, I'm so surprised my Geto drabble got so many notes in such a short time!! I wouldn't expected people to be remotely interested in my writing but now I'm getting confident.
And finally, I can guarantee that this reader is gender neutral.
Likes and reblogs are appreciated <33
wc: 674, I know, I know, Geto got the princess treatment from me but sometimes less is more <333
cw: historical AU, scheming, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of sudden infant death syndrome, betrayal, accusations of abortion, execution, nudity, mentions of poisoning, suggestive
credits: i used a colored manga panel instead of a fanart but I have no idea who did the coloring so feel free to help me credit their work. And again, my precious @notveryrussian did the proofread, luv ya mwah <33
MDNI PLEASE! I'm gonna find you and kick you in the butt if you do. If you’re not comfortable with dark content or anything mentioned in the warnings just scroll, there's nothing wrong with that.
His mandate of heaven is very different from Gojo and Geto. Sukuna is a ruthless tyrant, he enjoys crushing any nation he deems either threatening or undeserving to even exist next to his borders. His palace is a snake pit, full of betrayal and backstabbing. Executions are frequent and he needs no valid reason to sentence someone to death, he enjoys the bloodshed and the sight of lifeless bodies. You can’t survive that place acting kind and humble. Sukuna specifically torments his concubines physically and mentally for the sheer enjoyment of it.
His court is probably the most competitive. You need to be as ruthless as he is, you need to become a schemer. One of his high-ranking consorts takes you under her wing. She lets you spend leisure time with her, and somehow, she ends up telling you way more sensitive information than she should. She once managed to give him a child, but the infant sadly died days after they were born. She complained about how hard that pregnancy was and that she’s afraid of going through it again, even though she’s attached to him. And not long after this conversation, she fell ill. Retching out everything she ate, her stomach burned and ached. She was so weak her cycle was two weeks late. She trusted you enough to have you fetch her a specific herbal tea to ease her pain and grant her some dreamless sleep.
And that’s the moment you decide you’ll use everything you know about her to cast her down and take her place.
You accuse her that she’s pregnant but wants to abort her baby. Your story is so intricately constructed from all the details you knew that his officials are on your side without hesitation. She watches you horrified, desperately telling him that nothing could be so far from the truth. Sukuna decides to believe in your words and orders for the consort to be executed. Finding pure joy in how she wails and begs for forgiveness. At the execution, he studies your face, every little detail and reaction and you were aware of that. It’s time to impress him. Your face is still, you don’t even flinch when her head is severed by the neck. The eunuchs come for you at night.
He loves and loathes this tradition at the same time. The servants want to protect him, so they deliver you stark naked to ensure you won’t carry any weapons. Fools, as if a weak and trembling creature like you could ever hurt him with a mere dagger or a sharpened hairpin. Yet it makes you look like an offering. A sacrificial lamb. Maybe because you are.
Some primal instinct tells you to balance your inner strength and innate fear of him. Pull back your shoulders, straighten your back, don’t even think to conceal your private parts. Let your fingers quiver and the sheer dread in your eyes seep through. He mocks you. Almost laughs at you while sitting comfortably on the intricately carved shelf bed, wearing a loose bright yellow robe, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. There’s no reason for him to not do this though, he’s a god, the son of heaven, therefore, everything about him is perfect.
The first thing he asks you is if you’re satisfied with your pathetic attempt to improve your position. You don’t dare to tell him that you feel the guilt rotting your insides. He confesses that he was poisoning her meals, he wanted to watch her wither away slowly and enjoy her suffering, but you ruined his plans. He might spare you, you’re a stupid little thing, you couldn’t have known. He warns you that you need to do so much more if you want to be on his good side. You need to be absolutely despicable to earn his praise. Though you feel content having reached your goal and getting to spend a night with him, somewhere deep down you hope you can leave his chamber in one piece or, at least, alive.
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ur-boyfiend · 2 months
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panic attacks and cuddles
corvid? posting?? unheard of. anyways self-indulgent comfort fic bc i can. prolly gonna do a chronic illness / disability one soonish, if anyone has something they'd like to see more content for feel free to send an ask and i'll write it if i'm comfortable !! if you have any specifics you wanna see feel free to add those as well, it really does help me ^^;
cw/tw; panic attack (no shit but y'know), spiraling, depression, negative self-talk, depressive episode
seasonal depression is nothing new, in fact it's something you're far more used to than you'd like to be. while some loved winter, for you it was the time of year where any regular depression was compounded by the gloom of late dawns and early sunsets and the inability to enjoy going outside.
the difference this time is that you have a boyfriend, and you wish that you could be happy, wish that you could be grateful, but wrapped tightly in a blanket as you watch the grey sky outside the window across your room, you can feel the creeping sensation of a panic attack starting to crawl across your skin. in some part of your brain you can hear your phone buzzing, but the buzzing melds into the feelings of panic, and you curl further into yourself.
the sun is setting, almost set, blanketing your room in darkness. you know that turning on your lights would help, would make this whole thing less suffocating, but it's so much easier to just resign yourself. getting up to turn on the light takes effort, but simply spiraling further takes nothing at all.
your phone is buzzing again, another thing you know you should pay attention to, but you just can't drag yourself out of your own head long enough to do anything about it. it feels like the world is collapsing onto you, and for a moment you wish it would.
you lift your head slightly, the world is in black and white, and it feels like all your senses are muffled by cotton wool. you drop your forehead back onto your knees, the energy it takes to keep it raised somehow more than you have in you.
you're not sure how long it's been, after the sun has set there's nothing left to indicate the time. you're trying to find the strength to get out of bed, to do anything, even just to look up.
from your blanket cocoon, you can see something light beyond your eyelids. for a second you think you're seeing things, maybe you pressed on your eyes by accident, but you don't actually feel any pressure on your eyes.
not sure what's happening, you lift your head slightly, almost immediately being met with the sight of your boyfriend standing near the door to your room. he's not looking at you, he's looking at your room, and you realize that he hasn't actually seen it before. you're suddenly very aware of the piles of stuffed toys scattered around, the posters on the walls, the makeup and jewelry strewn across the top of your dresser, the mess on your desk, the clothes piled in the corner. it feels as if every flaw in your personality is somehow scrawled across the room in glaring red letters.
and yet, when he notices you looking at him, changbin turns and smiles at you. in that moment, you feel like you might cry. as you feel yourself choking up, his eyes soften with concern. placing the bag he's holding on the floor, he carefully sits down next to you on your bed.
"hey, what's wrong?" you feel him pull you into his side, "talk to me bubs."
instead of talking, you feel tears start running down your face, changbin wiping them away as fast as they fall. he leaves feather-light kisses across your nose and cheeks.
you say it without thinking, "i love you," and once you've said it once it's like a floodgate has opened, you're repeating it so quickly that it becomes an incoherent babble, changbin peppering kisses across your face the whole time.
it takes time for you to calm down, more than you'd like, not keen on being seen in this state. but changbin sits and rubs your back as you try to pull yourself back into some kind of human form, a silent support.
it's only when you've stopped crying, are a more solid person than you'd been, he says it back.
"i love you too, now let's eat, yeah?"
you hum slightly, leaning further into his side, "nap with me?"
changbin sighs and flops onto his side, pulling you down with him, pulling up the blankets to cover you both. you quickly snuggle into him, grateful for the extra warmth.
"get some rest," you feel him place a kiss on your forehead, "i love you."
"i love you too," you mumble, already half-asleep.
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thatjadedhotmess · 2 years
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borrowing their hoodie !
pairings/characters: fatui harbingers x gn!reader
warnings⚠️: not much but skin to skin contact for pierro's, scaramouche's, signora's and arlecchino's
synopsis: their reaction when you ask to borrow their hoodie
wc: 0.88k++
note: completely self indulgent and not completely accurate compared to the teaser :> (except for pulcinella bc idk how to write for him so he didn't get a part in this) also a different way of writing my hcs soo enjoy likes and reblogs are always greatly appreciated:)
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☁︎︎ Pierro (皮耶罗)
I know he looks like he could literally obliterate everything in his way (he can yes) but when it comes to you and his hoodies he grows all soft and his heart melts. It's just so much bigger than you and you always look so comfy and cozy in it he just wants to hug you and have you with him at all times when you're asleep in his lap:(( Also imagining the looks on the fatui's faces when they see you in their superior's lap.
☁︎︎ Capitano (卡皮塔诺)
Seems neutral about it but is secretly happy. He thinks that as a good boyfriend it's only right that he lets you have his hoodie if you want it. His reaction is cute. He's a blushing mess under the mask after seeing you in his hoodie. The dark blue hoodie was way too big for you, the bottom reaching your knees and the sleeves too long for you as you cuddle into yourself, content with the residual warmth from capitano wearing it before you.
☁︎︎ Il Dottore (多托雷)
Scolds you (not in a serious way) but will still willingly give you his hoodie or get his clones to bring one for you. Though, he secretly enjoys being able to be of help to you and sometimes, sometimes, hopes that you don't bring your hoodie so he can see you smothered by his hoodie instead. You found this out from his clones and didn't have the heart to tell him so now you just 'forget' to bring it.
☁︎︎ Columbina (哥伦比娅)
Doesn't give you her hoodie but rather give you an exact copy of the one she has. She would so much rather match hoodies together than give you hers because it serves as a constant reminder to her that even apart you two can have something exclusive to share. Though, she is willing to let you have her hoodie if it's in exchange for one of yours so she can have a you-scented hoodie.
☁︎︎ Scaramouche (斯卡拉姆齐)
Similar to Dottore, he's a little shit about it but will still give it to you in the end. The first time you asked if you could borrow it he grumbled on and on about you not bringing your own hoodie and that you should be more responsible in the future, even though he's literally pulling off his hoodie for you and putting it on you himself before he takes both of your hands in his, warming your icy hands in his own.
☁︎︎ Sandrone (桑多涅)
I think she would be similar to Columbina in a sense that she would rather match hoodies with you but instead of buying/getting a new hoodie for you, she'll hand make it for you and ask you what designs you want. That way it'll be unique to you and you only and she also prefers it this way as she can make something for you. With her being a harbinger she doesn't get much alone time with you so this would be her way of expressing her love for you.
☁︎︎ La Signora (女士)
There are some similarities between her, Dottore and Scaramouche but she's definitely a lot softer than them. The most she'll do before giving you her hoodie is maybe a little tsk and a don't forget your own next time, even though she also hopes that you forget and need to ask her for help. When she lends you her hoodie, you can expect to have her hands in the pockets of the hoodie so that she can stay warm (be close to you).
☁︎︎ Pantalone (潘塔罗涅)
Simp. A simp. Pantalone.exe backup and reboot needed. He might not have a hoodie with him but he always wears this long designer coat and he decided to let you borrow it because you were cold. The coat is hanging dangerously close to the ground but he can't even be mad at that fact because you look so cute in his long coat he couldn't stand it and needed to look away and calm down for a minute to regain his composure:))
☁︎︎ Arlecchino (阿蕾奇诺)
A gentleman is this sense. Will take it off without question before handing it to you, hugging your figure once you've put it on yourself. Cute she thinks, your figure wrapped in the slightly oversized hoodie with the sleeves too long for your arms. Takes this as an opportunity to wrap her icy hands around your torso, making you let out a squeal at the contact between your skin and her hands.
☁︎︎ Childe (達達利亞)
Like Arlecchino, he'll give up his hoodie in a heartbeat. Couldn't bear seeing you shiver and rub your arms so he takes his own off before you saying anything and puts it over you. Now, once you're in it, you can expect one of two things to happen. Either, he'll coo at you and talk about how adorable you are adorned in his hoodie or two, turn away a blushing mess and not say anything because you're too cute. The first one however happens more often.
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angelltheninth · 1 year
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If you’re willing, would you be down writing some headcannons on what the Moon Knight system thinks of breeding kink? Are they into it? Or are they more into creampies instead?
I'm willing, you bet I'm willing Anon.
Pairing: Steven Grant, Marc Spector, Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, creampies, breeding kink, marking, cum marking
A/N: They are a good mix of breeding and giving creampies I think.
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Steven has a breeding kink but he doesn't indulge in it a lot without a condom, he's not sure either of you are ready for a baby just yet
Loves thinking about it though and will go through multiple condoms in a night because he can't control him self when you begin to encourage him by telling you to fill you up
On occasions where he doesn't use a condom he will always push his cum back in with his finger when he's done, just to make sure a good part of it stays inside for as long as possible
Has pills ready for you to take when you let him finish inside, he's very grateful that you are and he becomes a huge mess of happiness right after make a huge mess of your pussy
Marc is more into creampies then breeding per se, he doesn't really see himself as dad material anytime soon
That being said he loves seeing his cum oozing from your cunt when he finishes inside you
He lets it flow because he likes to scoop some of it on his finger and then offer it to you to lick up
Also likes to see your body painted with his cum after jerks off
Jake is more of a creampie guy then a breeding kink kind of guy but he won't say no if you ask nicely
By nicely he means with you bending over, spreading your pussy open asking to be breed by him all night
Otherwise he's happy just giving you creampie after creampie but with no actual fear of you getting pregnant
This is because for a lot of them he finishes outside and then pushes his cock back in for more
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vasito-de-leche · 3 months
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;R1999 PAVIA - "sleeping dogs"
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Pavia x Reader. 2k words. fluff Pavia's eye bags keep getting bigger and bigger, so you take matters into your own hands and force him to take a nap with you.
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starting the sleepytime saga about blorbos getting some good fucking rest and writing a oneshot about it everytime i get sleepy because the world could do with better naps and more zzz's
this was all self-indulgent fluffy mess to make up for the constant FMN bullying in other posts
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"You'll get sleepy in no time, trust me on this."
"Like hell I will," despite his protests, Pavia dutifully follows after you. Once you two reach the edge of the bed, he makes a show out of kicking off his shoes while pouting the whole time, if only to continue rebelling against you and your ideas. "What am I? A kid?"
"You're a grown ass man, Pavia - so act like it."
That gets a snicker out of him, and he instantly seethes about it - he's meant to be mad at you for suggesting something stupid. What follows is a long groan and a roll of the eyes, but he knows you're pretending not to hear him as you climb into the mess of pillows and blankets that he calls a bed. As usual, his room is a damn mess.
"It's just a nap, it won't kill you. Promise!"
It only takes a moment for you to get comfortable, rambling about the "golden hour" for naps - according to you, it was good to leave the curtains partially drawn to allow a small amount of sunlight into the room.
You're so convinced of this that Pavia can't bring himself to remind you: he doesn't need any type of light to see, his eyes having long adjusted to being shrouded in darkness. Instead, he lets you ramble as he makes his way to close the door.
Before he can do so, however, a few dark figures stumble and slide inside, all of them a little more eager and curious at the prospect of napping than their master.
Andrea sniffs around you while Tonika and Leon claim their spots under the bed, their snouts and goofy smiles partially visible. Peter makes an attempt to hop onto the mattress, but slips off and settles for laying down at his master's feet.
Pavia, of course, glares at them as if betrayed. The only one who stands by his side is Maleficent, imitating his expression to the best of her ability.
"Are you seeing this shit, Maleficent? Traitors, all of 'em."
The wolf in question huffs in agreement, and Pavia reluctantly sits down next to you, waiting for your permission.
It's only once you pat the empty space next to you - his spot, for him and the pack only - that Pavia plops down. Unlike you, he rests over the blankets and casually clasps his hands over his stomach, idly looking at the ceiling. With his schedule being all over the place and his unusual reservations, sleep is something Pavia does out of immediate necessity. Only allowing himself to sleep for a handful of hours when his body is at the brink of collapse, and so he finds himself wondering what to do now that you're forcing him to sleep recreationally.
Even so, his body language is relaxed and comfortable, that casual and lazy air he only has whenever he's around you. This is his home, after all.
Pavia doesn't think about the basement in Piedmont, but he sure holds his breath on instinct for a second. It's an old, nasty habit - the aftermath of all of his constant screaming and begging, as there was nothing else to do but sit and wait for someone to let him out. In the stillness of the room, he can hear everything: your breathing and his own, faint voices outside in the wilderness, someone passing by in the hallway - it's that kid with the balloons, judging by sound of her skipping around. The darkness cannot hurt him, not when he's reclaimed power over it, not when he's with you and the pack.
Something shifts in his peripheral. It's you, propped on your elbows and leaning over him.
"Don't tell me you're going to sleep with your glasses on." You don't wait for an answer and reach out to gently take them off, placing them neatly on the nightstand. For some reason, Pavia feels a little naked without them. "There, much better! Is that how you wanna sleep, then?"
Your question gives him pause, and he immediately defaults to his usual antics. "Now you're gonna tell me how to lay down? What's this, some dumb pop quiz I didn't prepare for? Next thing, you'll be telling me how to snore properly."
"Alright, fine, damn! But it's sooo cozy and toasty under the blankets." To prove your point, you slide down and sink deeper into the mattress, humming with that content expression. The blankets cover half of your face, and your big, dumb, bright eyes look up at him with mischief and amusement. "You're missing out."
"And you're going to start hogging the blankets the second you fall asleep, so what's the point?"
This isn't the first and it won't be the last time you two sleep together in the same bed, he knows your sleeping habits like the back of his hand by now. Pavia makes sure to pay attention to each and every little detail when it comes to you, after all.
"Oh my god, Pavia - just get in. It's easier this way." Pavia does as told, only because you're the one asking so nicely, and he lays on his side to face you. "Perfect, now come here."
"You're awfully bossy today, did you notice?"
He leans in once your hands reach out to cradle his face, rubbing soothing circles with your thumbs and coaxing him, ever so slowly, into resting his head on the space between your shoulder and your neck. There is no resistance from Pavia's part, the way his body melts with yours is automatic - like old pieces of a well-loved puzzle that simply click together time and time again.
Pavia's arms wrap around your torso and he brings you even closer, impossibly so, as if wanting to merge with you. The content sigh gives him away, and he wishes he could see your expression once he smiles into your skin. You were right, it is much better this way. There's no way Pavia could ever get tired of touching you like this.
"Getting sleepy?"
"Not yet," he murmurs into the crook of your neck, wondering whether to leave kisses or start biting you. He settles for the latter, a way to get back at you - it's a gentle nip that catches you off-guard, if that small gasp of protest is anything to go by. "If you want me to fall asleep, you're doing a really shitty job."
For a moment, he thinks you're mad at him when no answer comes, usually you'd pinch his back or bite him back. Instead, he feels your fingers softly carding through his hair, your nails on his scalp, moving in slow sweeping motions. Okay, maybe he spoke a little too soon. Being surrounded by you felt like heaven.
Pavia shifts, now burying his face in your chest. Like this, he can hear your heartbeat loud and clear, and he closes his eyes to take in the sound, committing it to memory.
While he's far from falling asleep any time soon, the weight and stress of the daily routine has certainly left his shoulders. Everything about you is soft and welcoming, and he has to restrain himself from biting you again once he feels you lean in, just to kiss the top of his head.
Fuck it, he bites the nearest spot, unable to contain his affection for you. The way he shows love might be unorthodox, but what matters to Pavia is that you understand the thought behind each action and word - he loves with an open mouth, greedy and full of love. A big bad wolf, one hair away from eating you up. And even then, he never bites hard enough to leave any marks nor to hurt you, not unless you ask him to.
Your laugh resonates in your throat and he keeps you from squirming away just to feel it vibrate in your neck.
Between this and your heartbeat, he doesn't know which one to pick as his favorite sound. The way you say his name behind closed doors, so softly and so gently just for him to hear, is definitely up there with the others in his personal ranking.
"Stop biting and start sleeping, idiot." There's a happy tone in your voice, one that urges him to continue bothering you.
"Easier said than done, stupid."
Taking your free hand, the one that tried so rudely to push him away in protest, Pavia presses his lips against your knuckles, one by one. You seem to like that, as hinted by the way your legs tangle up with his, locking him in place.
"I swear I'm doing my best here to get you to stop moving. Try counting sheep? Or wolves, I guess. Speaking of..."
You make an attempt to look for the pack, only for Pavia to pull you back down. He doesn't need to count the wolves, he knows exactly where they are - nestled together under the bed, laying down in the middle of the room with their soft, fluffy bellies on display, so drowsy and happy to exist in the same time and space as you. It's no mystery that each and every wolf is an extension of himself, a shameless display of his own thoughts and feelings, and even though this is something you're fully aware of, Pavia would rather save himself the embarrassment of admitting any of this.
"Now you're the one moving around, interrupting my precious sleep. What do you have to say for yourself?" He teases, hoping you'll indulge him and keep bantering back and forth - but you press a gentle kiss to his forehead instead.
"My bad..." Pavia knows you're not gonna last any longer the moment a yawn interrupts your words, and he's right - you don't speak anymore after this.
Your grip on him loosens gradually. First, it's the hand that kept playing with his hair, now gently petting him until it slowly comes to rest on the back of his neck. It's warm, so very warm. Next is your breathing, slow and steady, along with the rise and fall of your chest. Pavia nuzzles into it, feeling himself breathe in perfect harmony with you. And finally, your legs - he feels you kicking around, curling up and clumsily drawing the blankets towards you until his legs are exposed to the cold.
There it is, he thinks to himself, smitten and endeared by your sleepy crimes. It doesn't matter though, soon enough the whole pack comes climbing into the bed, forming a soft, black mass at the edge and near your feet. All of them unable to stay away from you, just like him.
Silence settles in and the world grows loud once again.
The soft panting from the pack, the voices outside, the constant stream of steps and life all over the house. Someone is in the kitchen, there's the telltale sound of glass against wood. Somewhere else, a door closes and another creaks open.
Pavia knows that you would never dare to ask the reason behind his awful sleep habits, and there's no way he could ever explain the totality of it- yet here you are, trying to help him nonetheless. It's annoying to have you constantly point out the bags under his eyes, but he respects you for it, for having the nerve to call him out and set him straight when needed. Part of him revels in the undivided attention and scrutiny, to have you all to himself whenever you scold him, examining his tired eyes.
He wonders if you know the power you hold over him, how impossible it is for him to tear his eyes from you. Even now as you sleep, Pavia feels himself slowly forget about the outside world in favour of your soft murmurs, those dumb little sounds you make that he can't get enough of.
You're doing so much for him, perhaps it's about time for him to meet you halfway. From his spot, he looks up at you one last time - he wants this view to be the last thing he sees before he drifts into a dreamless sleep.
"Night, vita mia. Don't let the bed wolves bite."
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skrelm · 6 months
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Phil's lore is killing me. His mind being messed with and not knowing what's real or not because of the federation... or his own emotional distress (it's totally the federation but let me have that what if lol). It's wonderfully tragic either way. Because to me hc!/c!/q!Phil are the same person. It's all just him to me. And it makes it so interesting to sit and look at this with that lens.
Because Phil is a man with a failing memory and has been for a long time. He's functionally immortal, but his body wasn't meant to be.
self indulgent character writing below the cut
--
Phil's been around for a long time. No one's really sure, not even him anymore, just how long, but it has been long enough. And what's happened is he's gained stories and legends and misleading titles and nick names over those years. He denies it. He doesn't claim to be what he's not. He's just some guy he says. He says it constantly even as people still proclaim him otherwise.
He's just a man playing a game. (The universe said you have played the game well.) He has a few tricks, he knows a thing or two, he has made powerful friends. He supports his friends both on and off the battle field. He is called the Angel of Death. His long life is openly joked about amongst friends and made legendary by those outside his circle.
He's a man who's been around for a long time. He's a man who loves endings because they make the ephemeral present matter. He loves death because it makes meaning for life. He does not die, not really. He has married a Goddess of Death and she is the love of his life. Phil is just a man that's been around for a long time. He doesn't know how all these new technologies work, he knows his mind can't think on that level. He knows he gets distracted so easily. He knows he loses track of time.
His friends know this about him too. It's not secret. It's not often that it matters, it's just Phil.
It's fishing for a full day instead of an hour.
It's not realizing what he was telling the crows as he talks, forgetting how they even got to the topic at hand as he places blocks and shapes the land.
It's spending months and years on one project because he's not counting the days. Not really.
It's brute forcing his way through that same project with hard work instead of red stone because he can't think in circuits.
It's the fond smile as he nods along to his friends explaining their plans and farms as he can only express encouragement and how impressed he is with them. Smiling to see them smile and be so excited and alive.
It's realizing his crows have aged as they celebrate a milestone to remind him.
It's taking photos constantly to remember the moments as they pass.
It's losing items in chests even as he stares at them.
It's having too many shears.
It's three months instead of three days.
It's standing in a forest, the hum of warpstone magic chilling as Phil lingers a few seconds more and looks at cut trees. Sees birds that don't belong here.
It's questioning if it's a dream. It's holding items in his hands and questioning if they're real even as he grips them tighter.
It's wondering if he had them all along or not even as he believes he did not. It's believing it and still asking himself if they're real.
It's telling everyone he's fine and moving forwards anyways. The man in love with death. The man who loves endings. The man walking beside immortals; just a man who was not meant to live this long and has because he's not tired of life yet. Because life will end and he loves every precious moment of it for that very reason.
(And the universe said I love you because you are love.
And the game was over and the player woke up from the dream. And the player began a new dream. And the player dreamed again, dreamed better. And the player was the universe. And the player was love.
You are the player.
Wake up.)
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