#and yes Canon Kid Dick is maybe a little more boring because he's from the 40s-70s comics atmosphere

[hislittleraincloud]

Chapter Seven: More Than One String to Her Woe, Part 1 Review/DISCUSSION

Insight into the story happens here.

This was long...it was 13 pages plain on Google Dicks, I think it's now 20.

Purple is Afterburn Canon quoted.

Pink is Wednesday Addict's observations/questions/etc.

NC-17

>> Words of honor : truancy, jutting

Your “Words of Honor” amuse me, since they seem so simple to me. But then I have to remember that my biggest fans aren't from Anglocentric countries. 💀

>> I was going to state "cats aren't a problem" but then my cat came harassing me. But they are cute? So it's fair.

I love cats, but I also have two very old dogs that need to be watched all the time.  I can’t bring them up there because the cat would hate it, and so would my old boy, since he doesn’t like cats (they bully him because he's weird).  He won’t eat them, he’ll just bark until the cows come home. And my neighbor dumping her shit out on me completely disrupted the flow of my creativity, which I’m still trying to get back, BTW.

Speaking of cats, Morella makes a rather surprise appearance in the next upload. She’s kind of important…. 😺👹

> Maybe if you're nice to me I'll write a scene just for you. <

>> Yeah, well working on it! : joy: But I don't know how many tor happy points I have collected so far nor how much happy points a scene/fic is!

Too many happy points, but it seems like we're pretty much on the same page anyway. Weird how you're kind of a mind reader. A PSYCHIC. 💀

>>Now.... we established she is wealthy...could she zombie revive him like crackstone? Would only need a couple of victims.

I’ve thought about that, but I don’t think zombie dick would be very fun to fuck. …🦠🤢🦠🤢🦠🤢 

I HAVE thought of a crossover with another show I like, which could change things in terms of what to do when he dies…which might be a better option rather than zombified Donovan.

>>One young Detective has alerted us of tire tracks matching the tireburns left behind by the car that ran over our mayor. There. Easy.

He’d have to make a report with specifics/can’t say “one young detective”. She can’t be known to be involved at all, given police protocol.

>>Slurp.

Yes, but was it fudge flavored?

>>Ha, I quite like her, nice and direct also loyal AF

Lou-Anne Walker is here to stay. She has unfinished business.

> She's brilliant like that.<

>>She is, I suppose that happens when you learn and study and fuck each waking moment instead of mindlessly scrolling tiktac or reading fanfiction...wait... ..

Wait, you can learn things from reading fan fiction too! So long as the author knows what they’re doing. I could have bored the living crap out of my readers with an extended Nepenthes lesson because like Wednesday, I too have a parent who is a botanist (I learned of pitcher plants when I was a kid), but I didn’t want to drag down the comedic scene with easily forgotten details.

>The rain had come down just as hard<

>>Is there a rain kink? Because that is unexpectedly hot. Like the scene she had with Xavier in Ep3…

You will be happy to know that the “big scene” between Wednesday and Donovan in Chapter 8 (“Come on, Addams. Gates took my son away.  Don’t let her take you from me, too.”) happens in a serious downpour. Also, as you were publishing your comments, I was publishing Winter 2023, which mentions her desire to smell the rain during the smutty part. She is a pluviophile, as are Gomez, Morticia, and Pugsley.

>>A real gesture would have been to let him explore her ladyparts for a couple minutes undisturbed and describe them to us!

Perhaps that’s coming (ha ha) soon, though in his mind, she’s got little moth wings (which has been used in the text to describe part of her parts). 

>that she was fucking the town's sheriff<

>>Curious thought is that she may have gotten the smell another way, say, being detained / searched by him, or spending time with him discussing the case, assuming sex right away seemed like a leap.

The scents of sex are much different than just normal scents, and werewolves have the same type of receptors that dogs have. They can smell things the same way dogs can, and can tell the difference between someone having just shaken someone’s well-lotioned hand (like with Xavier and Thing) and two bodies all up in each others’ orifices. Sex has a specific scent (genital fluids, sweat, pheromones). And with the way Wenovan’s been going at it…it’s strong in Enid’s nose. 

>dirty AO3 fan fiction<

>>YOU DID NOT also, bruh Enid how is this helping your grades again?

I did.  Tee hee.

>>Ness does care enid, you are just not smart enough to realize not all people are like yourself. I myself like to keep my room neat and tidy….

Enid’s collection IS pretty fkn scary. She has far too many plushies, FFS.

But Afterburn Wednesday’s would, actually, decorate in a similar manner as Yoko (they have similar tastes). It’s just that she brought nothing with her because of her escape plans...she didn’t think she was staying, so why bring any prized items besides her weed kit and utility garter (I consider her inherited ashtray and coaster part of her weed kit). The larger items could be shipped back home easily after her escape (cello, gramophone, typewriter).

>>We love coach Vlad in this house right? He's like the only competent teacher.

Yes, and he totally knew that Bianca would nick the little arrogant newbie’s face good. His side eye when she proposed no masks/tips was hilarious. I feel like he was irritated that his best fencer was being attacked for no reason (as he said quite decisively that it was a clean strike and Rowan had no reason to be a little bitch).

Gates is competent at what she does too. She's just an evil twunt 🤣

>>That's a curious question, do you have the answer to it? (Enid wondering about Wednesday killing Donovan with sex)

No, cardiac arrests during sex aren’t prosecuted as manslaughter or murder. For prosecution to happen, the act must be something that the partner is doing (like bludgeoning or strangling someone during the act of sex), and then it’s not the sex that killed them, it was the instrument and the person wielding it (e.g. the opening scene of Basic Instinct).

>>Yoko is just great. That's all.

I like Yoko too.

> I mean, in this case, seems like 'Lucy' can hold her own.<

>> Big one. Also including some of the gray face comments you keep getting. This I think sums up my way of thinking perfectly "in this case", these situations really are case by case.

A good lot of the cases are terrible and unfit, due to the naive and ignorant nature of the adolescent. But brain development differs immensely (more on that in a minute, given something you wrote).

>> Example given : How do we feel about a 10 year Boy with a 52 year old Male teacher ?. I would hope we agree about "wrong" but now, where is the line ? 12 ? 14 ? 16 ? 18 ?

A 10-year-old boy with anyone is pedophilia (unless they’re peer experimenting, which used to happen pretty freely since kids get curious…of course now they have the internet), and with a 52-year-old male teacher?  Lock that MF up. 

My line is sixteen, and people can be mad about that all they want. Age of Consent was sixteen in my state and it wasn’t a problem back then. Like I might've mentioned in my Tumblr, it’s my body, my rules, and once I turned sixteen I no longer had to worry about people going after any of my partners. You can tell that I’ve trained AB Wednesday to stand firm to the same mantra.

>> Mental maturity/puberty/Who is the aggressor and countless others play a significant role in determining that line. Example given: If Principal Weems would be attempting to seduce Eugene. That I would consider pedophilia.

Yes. Eugene is barely pubescent (he’s got peach fuzz on his upper lip, so he’s getting there). He also seems like a freshman.  “Beems” (Bee Boy + Weems) seems like a really freaky pairing…Eugene would have to go through puberty first, but then that just reinforces your point. 

>> People love to hide behind the law as the be all and end all, but don't consider that the age of consent in most places is 14+ and some places even allow marriage before sex. In Cyprus and Malta, the minimum age of sexual consent is above the age at which children can get married with the consent of a public authority and/or the parents.

Activists are wanting to force the age of consent from 16 to 18 in a lot of places in the U.S. I don't  think there's any state in the union left that has 14 as the threshold. I didn't think there were many Euro countries that were still at 14, either (which to me is too young, but w.e., Europe 💀). The whole marriage thing is wild too, but when you think about hundreds of years ago when noble people wed, they would often marry off their children at an early age but the marriage wouldn't be able to be consummated until the girl reached a certain age.

One thing a lot of Euro countries have over us is comprehensive sex ed for kids, though now I'm seeing some shitballs become influenced by the prudish Americans (see: sour reactions under posts about Evanna Lynch’s relationship w the dude who played Young James Potter…she was 16 when they started dating, I think he was 21 or something).

>>Besides. Even Adult couples, where one partner is, say, 23 - An adult by every type of classification, and the other 61 I see people calling pedophile - like, that word does not mean what you think it does.

People have watered down that word so much that it's meaningless when people throw it at me. Pedophilia is the literal attraction to pre-pubescent children (generally the age range is 6 to 12 years old). If people need the labels, then use the labels correctly:

An infantophile/nepiophile is someone who is attracted to babies/toddlers up to ~5 years old. (🚩🚨🤢 SNS for judging! 🤢🚨🚩)

A pedophile is someone who is attracted to pre-pubescent children, with a general age range ~6 to 12 years old. (🚩🚨🤢 Again, SNS for judging!🤢🚨🚩)

A hebephile is someone who is attracted to those just entering puberty (~11- to 14-year-olds …*repeat alarms/red flags here*). Humbert Humbert of the novel  Lolita was a hebephile.

An ephebophile is someone who is attracted to late/finished pubescent adolescents (~15- to 19-year-olds).  Would it be fair to call Donovan an ephebophile? Was he attracted to 15 to 19 year olds before Wednesday came into his life? (The answer is very clearly, no.) 

A teleiophile is someone who is attracted to adults and sexually mature teenagers. Normally the masses are teleiophiles.

A mesophile is someone who is attracted to those who are middle-aged. Afterburn Wednesday is a mesophile. 

A gerontophile is someone who is attracted to elderly people. To each their own, but the general masses who get married to their soulmates and grow old together eventually become gerontophiles. 🍋🤭🍋

>> The word they are searching for is "Oh wow that's quite an age gap, iam lucky it does not concern me in the slightest" Same with the word "child", while…Take this quote: The World Health Organization (WHO) defines an adolescent as any person between ages 10 and 19.

Yes, there are some good points there.

>> Also : The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s.

The prefrontal cortex ‘finishes’ by around 25, but that is an average and that whole study wasn't read for what it meant. The researchers examined several factors that influence brain development in adolescents and thus someone like Afterburn Wednesday would've been able to mature faster than other average people, so I'll just leave it here.

Ignore what they say about cannabis because that doesn't work the exact same in the Afterburn Universe.  It has less of an effect on outcasts in terms of health detriment.

>> If those people see a happy married couple aged 82 and 91 that have been together for 65 years they want that too, then they do the math and realize they married at 17 and 26, and then proceed to lose their shit.

People are generally bad at mathing.

>They must be<

>> Frankly too large tends to overboost a guys ego. I know of a man who got a 10 inch monster who treats his partners like condoms. Was it worth it? Only they know. // Also id like to point out lesbians are a thing. They seem quite content without a male appendage present.

When I was 14, I had a 15yo boyfriend who had one of those monsters. It was huge and he didn't know what to do with it. He was a dumbass though (a Kent-level dumbass), and a huge reason why I then stuck to way older men.

Lesbians aren't always content without a male appendage, that's why there's a multitude of phallic toys made just for them, like the double-ended strap-on. …Actually now that I think about it, I don't know any lesbians IRL who DON'T have a strap-on. Some vaginas just crave dick (but not the dickheads behind them), it's literally shaped to accommodate them (or other phallic items 🥒🍌🍆 😂).

Yoko is like that. She's 90% lesbo but likes actual dick every once in a while, hence her admission to Bianca about being with Xavier. Yeah, that makes her a little bisexual. 

>To her, he was perfect.<

>> He is quite a catch I must admit.

The language I used mirrors Donovan’s thoughts from the previous chapter: “To him, she was normal. She was his normal.”

>was hiding a pain so great that <

>> A Man who knows who the monster is and isn't doing anything about it, endangering her, Enid, Xavier, and injuring Eugene. I see no way where she will receive this news in a good way.

It's his son. When Donovan tells Tyler “More than you could ever know” after he answers the question, “Did you ever even love her?”, Donovan is basically confessing: “I loved her so goddamn much that I don't want to lose your sorry, stupid, murdering ass either because you're all I have left of her, but I don't know what to do and am unsure of what I should do or how to approach it”. We're not sure exactly what’s motivating N/C Don to avoid moving on Tyler but again…it's his son, and people can become blinded by their love even for their dangerous children. This is something that Thing actually goes over in Chapter 8.

AB Donovan has clear motivation: it's his son and (( SPOILER, I can't  say 😭)). Francie’s Hyde wrecked the family (and Donovan)  in ways that haven't been revealed yet. Bruh has severe PTSD.

>"Tall black, two sugars,"<

>> We have the joke about eating my way past this story but I will say I can't stand black coffee

“Tall black, two sugars” is what Donovan orders when he goes to the Weathervane (N/C, Episode 6, right after Wednesday blows off Tyler). She was getting his drink for herself. Hence why Tyler was looking at her funny while making it.

>Keeps me in business.<

>> Gonna be affected hard then by kinbots death. Maybe Wednesday can step up.

I've written parts of Valerie’s funeral already. 🫠

>casually slipping it into her bag.<

>> Did.. she just shoplift?

Yep, she pulled a Winona (Ryder 🤣). She's not an angel, and sometimes her intrusive thoughts take over her impulses. And this day in particular she isn't always thinking about anything but Donovan and Enid.

>with a ten and a quarter on the<

>> I may either be overreading this, or not understanding it, the book costs 3, she stole one, and pays 10.25, but accepts the change unlike the coffeshop exchange where she told him to keep the change? Like. Am I dumb? If its 3 flat, why put down 10 and 0.25?.

There's 6% sales tax that applies to books in Vermont. In order to get $7 back (and not $6 and a whole bunch of change), she gave her the quarter, because the total would be $3.18. If there were local Jericho taxes, it would be 7% (because the max local is 1%), which would've made the book $3.21. 

The one she stole, she didn't see the price of (it was a $25 book 💩). She might not have taken it if she’d seen the price. But, she will make up for it eventually.

>favorite Rice books<

>> I admit I am not fact checking anything regarding the books/authors, but I will say your effort to include them in your lore is appreciated, even if I just read it as white noise (white text?) it makes the world feel alive in a way that only a very small number of stories manage to.

You should pick up a copy of Belinda, it's an easy read. 🙂

>what her family's net worth was.<

>> Also worth mentioning, interestingly your Wednesday is one of the very few that are willing to use her parents money, usually she's more of an "I don't need their help, I will be a successful author by myself" type of Wednesday, what made you decide to go that route ?, Wednesday accepting and using her parents' wealth?

Afterburn Wednesday is a lot more practical than N/C Wednesday (it's ironic that I'm saying this right now, given what Afterburn Wednesday’s been doing since the end of S1 events). Afterburn Wednesday was against ‘writing what you know’ because she thought it to be reserved for the imagination impaired, but since her life was becoming a twisted mystery, she leaned into it; the same goes for her money. Why not lean into it since it's there and she's stuck there; if she didn't use her money, it would put her at a great disadvantage over the other spoiled rich kids, and since everything is a competition, she’d want to come out on top there, too (the Addamses and the Tanakas are rich af). Gomez spoils her with an allowance, but she just hoards it, which is what she thought she might live off of after she ran away.

>Lucas's shenanigans with<

>> Violent assault is not shenanigans is it ?, All 4 of them should have been sent off for rehabilitation

True.

>More like crapcore,<

>> Frankly, that's rude, I would love to have one of those, handmade too, it looked so fucking comfy

She hated it in canon, so. AB W hates it too. LOL And that actually makes her an elitist snob.

>the girl with Enid's face pleaded

>> Ha, that's a funny twist to the faceless.

https://www.japanpowered.com/folklore-and-urban-legends/noppera-bo-the-faceless-ghost

🫠

> rude and offensive question.<

>> It is a fair question, if Wednesday one of the smarter people does not know its not common knowledge. So it's fair.

All Nevermore students are provided a Student Handbook where the various outcasts are listed/described for their knowledge (and it's gone over during orientation, which she didn't have BUT she got the handbook and was told to read it, which she merely skimmed/didn't bother with the outcasts guide…because she didn't think she was staying, and then once she did decide to stay, she just completely forgot about the handbook 💀). 

Also, since Mishizu is Japanese, she considers it extra rude…especially since Wednesday is supposed to be one of the smart ones. It's just more emphasis on how Wednesday is an outcast amongst outcasts.

>The thud of the impact on her thigh<

>> hit me baby one more time.

I really needed me some Thornhill action there. I still cackle every time I envision this part/Wednesday goes flying out of the frame and into the tall weeds.

>up my rectal cavity.<

>> I mean so far said cavity has been very underused, description and usage wise. Please, no hot coals however.

I have a surprise for Donovan, but I just need to place it properly. It's quite possible it won't show up until After the Burn.

>"Weems isn't going to report <

>> I am sure Weems wouldn't report it either way, given the Addams forture funding nevermore…crossing the Addams seems unwise in your story.

While that's true, Weems has ulterior motives for keeping Wednesday where she is. Weems, Chancellor. Her parents. 

>she hated doing that when Thing was around.<

>> Why? iam sure he could be handy. Don't hit me.

💥👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻💥

He’s FAMILY, like Enid said, and Wednesday isn't into incest yet. What?

Besides, in the Afterburn Universe, Thingclair is a thing. They practically had a full on affair in N/C. Little dude’s SEEN HER NAKED AND HELD HER HAND 😭✨

>I need that in poster size," she demanded<

>> So do i !

In my extras (multimedia, AI, etc.) I'm looking to create some of Donovan’s photographs, so. Particularly the one in question, but also the ones with Wednesday. Just have to find a good AI program and figure out the prompt. 

>just…classlessness.<

>> I mean given the amount of men (and women somehow) that cannot even name all parts of the female genitalia correctly would suggest some additional visual education is needed.

Yeah, but Donovan doesn't want to get into that kind of trouble. Pics of her mothwings would probably land him with CSAM charges, regardless of how tastefully or educationally they were done.

American society is a prudish as Hell society right now. He’d be lucky to get away with what he has (it's pics of her naked back/the curves of her ass, curves of her breasts, weed smoke rings/smoke, and a few semi-racy ones of her in just a white shirt and her black/white striped socks holding Ted…there's a set of them together, waist up and holding each other with a focus on the curves of their arms…all set against a dark grey background as she sat on an old/vintage bench). Luckily American society in the Afterburn Universe is a tiny bit more relaxed, but still.

>She felt empty,<

>> As I said, thing would have been very useful. Not a cock, but a handful can help.

RELATED. Or, at least, family.  Thing, in his scene with Donovan in 8, explains his relationship to the Addamses a bit better.

>disgust as it started licking the ball<

>> OH god this is going to be good isn't it?>> Oh god, if she could hear me laughing my end would be upon me.

Wednesday Jr. is canon in Addams Family lore, so…why not?  Anything to annoy our favorite easily-annoyed Moping Myrtle.

>replacing me with a dog."<

>> I am curious if it does actually hurt her.

Not really. She likes animals and has a special way with them. … 🫠 It hurts her in a different way though, which I’ll put directly in the text somewhere.

>wasn't wearing any underwear<

>> Oh god, she's really going for the kill right away.

Fuck yeah, she wanted that man to pound that 😺 hard, like the other teachers who did the same to less worthy girls.

>She used her toes<

>> She does like teasing with her toes and feet doesn't she?

…She does. ☺️

>Ryleigh had gone missing<

>> So she is using her parents money to make people disappear, neat

…She used brute force for that one. 💩

>Just how much older?"<

>> So iam not sure how to word this, I don't like that Wednesday/her family don't have a healthy relationship in your story but my god you fucking nailed their voices. The fact iam hearing their voices when iam reading the family interactions.

Only going by N/Canon. 🤷🏽‍♂️ She just doesn't have a great relationship with Morticia. But thank you re: their voices.

>Only if he is a gravedigger. Is he?" <

>> I mean he is kind of digging his own grave with his alcoholism, does that count?

Yes, it does.  But it's not what kills him.

>Your father would never allow it."<

>> Interestingly, she always did feel more of a daddy's girl to me with Gomez being willing to do anything for her and her being quite fond of him too, where as she's remaining cloddish with her mother.

She is very much a Daddy’s Girl BUT…men don't know what's in a woman’s heart. At least, that's how Wednesday feels at the moment when she realizes she needs to talk to an experienced woman about her problems…someone who would understand what it's like to be a horny teenaged girl in the midst of a shit ton of drama.

> offense registry desperate?<

>> I have issues believing that they can't just send her some of her more complex toys with outcast amazon, they have the money to do that, or just outright send lurch, money is such a cheat code.

She's in immediate need, even Outcast Amazon can't ship that fast. …Well, maybe it can, but that's not the point. 😭🤣

>"He's a cop."<

>> She 100% knows its Donovan doesn't she?

Yanno…I think she might strongly suspect it. Morticia isn't dumb, after she woke up from her fainting spell her brain raced back to Parents’ Weekend to see if she’d missed any signs. There were N/C signs right in front of us.

>All the girls were giggling.<

>> That's a flashback to our Sex ed…

I don't even remember the sex ed we got, but it was basic and terrible. I already knew everything they were teaching.

>"Plant looks plenty 'excited' too<

>> You see at least that's a funny joke worth laughing at

Xavier is class clown, obvs.

>there was nothing she could do about it<

>> Nothing some silver dagger coated with garlic won't fix…

Oh, now. That's no way to treat Yoko or Wenaka. Wednesday will get a mouthful in with Yoko near the end of Chapter 7. 👹

>I could make that move for you if you want."<

>> That is actually really nice of him, take him up on the offer and your problem will be solved Wednesday.

Xavier’s powers are really weird re: making things come to life. I'm sure if his powers involuntarily made the Hyde painting scratch him, he could make her penis plant drawing at least tickle her clit. 

>but it sure would be fun<

>> Iam so sad there is no Xavier/Wednesday in your story, their back and forth is just great, ignore me iam just thirsty.

Gotta go by canon. There's a good amount of Xavierday angst though.

>become permanent was<

>> I like that she's admitting to herself that it's an unfounded fear.

Unfounded fears are still fears, especially to the attachment impaired.

>BAM! Enid nearly jumped... She pulled her close, their lips almost touching. Her eyes volleyed from hers to her lips for too long a moment before they locked eyes and she sneered.<

>> That sentence was surprisingly hard to understand, Ness was making eye contact with Enid, then looking at enids lips, remaking eye contact, did I get that right?.

Yes.

>> Also, I totally want a toxic Wednesday/Enid relation now because that scene was charged…

>of a bitch does one have to be<

>> Curious how you will make those 2 reconcile honestly. Given the end hug and your choice of pain by declaring cannon holy but also adding extra bad blood via Enid spilling her secret.

There will be scenes towards the end of 7 and beginning of 8 that will ‘fix’ it so that it remains canon, but the toxicity will still be there.  Ajax will be bound to Wednesday’s will for a while. 👹👹👹👹👹

>"I'm sorry Donovan, but it's the best <

>> Digging for info regarding Tyler?

Maybe.

>and it was making Wednesday a tad nervous.<

>> Would be quite the plot twist if they disown her and suddenly she is just Wednesday.

Won't be happening in this story. They're a family, even as dysfunctional as Wednesday and Morticia are.

>and I are nothing alike.<

>> They both like taxiderming for one, I bet if she had mentioned that Wednesday would hold her in (slightly) higher regard.

… 🙃

>close to being similar to Morticia<

>> It really depends what Wednesday we are considering. N/C Wednesday is like Morticia in a lot of ways.

-They are both..

Yes, that's why it irritates AB Wens so much. The last thing she wants to be is like her mother. She has huge issues around that, some are intuitive rather than direct observation.

>How fascinating—and somewhat terrifying<

>> That line has me laughing, Wednesday, the menace, fucking old men to death.

It has US laughing, but in Kinbott’s mind she doesn't know about Donovan, so she probably assumes that Wednesday is an unrepentant slut…which she is, but for Donovan.

>but it cost her a head tilt<

>> Her Microexpresions are *everything*, from the little smile she gave Donovan right at the start of the show

Or the way her mouth opened in irritance when Kinbott mentioned the relationship between Viper and her mother.  Or the way her brows relaxed in surprise after Weems told her point blank that she knew she was having visions. Ortega was really good with those.

>uh, healthy everyday functioning."<

>> Like drawing a penisplant in class ?, also Kudos to her for being open, when I researched it the first hit was "hypersexuality is a problem that needs medication"

The penis drawing was bound to happen regardless of what AB/W was up to. And hypersexuality doesn't necessarily need medication. It's clinical sex addiction, and that's treated with meds, group therapy, regular therapy…NONE of which Wednesday would be interested in, especially since she's otherwise functional. 

>I suspect that your peers bore you?"<

>> God is that relatable, but turns out its a lonely existence because in the eyes of most adults you will always be "just a child" no matter how well you can hold a conversation with them.

You hit the nail on the head right there. Such loneliness is explored in Winter 2023.

>"Well, as a mandated reporter, if you were — "<

>> It's funny isn't it, everything you say stays in this room, unless I feel like I should share it because I think it's wrong

It's not just that she would think it wrong, it’s that if a crime is involved, she is obligated to inform the courts. But there is no crime that she knows of right now, since Wednesday is 16 in this scene. And there will be even less of a means to ‘punish’ anyone for the relationship once Spring Break 2023 rolls around (which is part of After the Burn).

>Who I sleep with is my business<

>and its K-9 unit<

>> Ohm. I do not wanna pop up one anymore watchlists than I already am, but iam fairly confident beastiality stays illegal no matter your age, so talking about sleeping with the police dogs might not be the best idea?

It was hyperbole, since of course she wouldn't. But if she did, she's a billionairess, and money makes the immorality disappear. Speaking of money…

>And, as a wealthy heiress<

>> Honestly, it feels it would be good for her character to get disowned, because as funny as murder threats are for us as readers, in the world…

That's the beauty of it being a fictional world. 🙂 She can get away with it and not get disowned. Gomez would never do that to his little girl. 🥹

>Kinbott. " I'm his whore. "Ravens<

>> Oh my, I wish she said the middle part too, that would have been amazing.

I don't feel like canon Wends would have done that (even though I contemplated it). She's selective as to what she will share/say and when, especially since it's Valerie.

>eyes had welled with tears as she<

>> Are we implying Wednesday is an actress in universe too?

She's a pretty decent actress when she needs to be. A master manipulator.

>Stalker-level obsessed<

>> Since we know Enid is harmless, id say its cute.

🤣 Well, yeah. I guess, since it's Enid.

>I will pay you for your tutoring. <

>> Iam glad, given she stole his last batch

In the Afterburn Universe, weed is legal for medical purposes and non-medical dispensaries also exist. Outcasts have slightly different rules around it (obvs, since it's integrated into the school). It's still illegal and frowned upon for normie teens to possess (which I think is what drives some of the resentment).

>he was smitten with her the<

>> I mean, who isn't, also... #stonedraven please? I beg of you.

Honestly, if Afterburn Wednesday were to sleep with anyone other than Donovan, it would probably be Ajax (sorry Waviers…Afterburn Wednesday is just not attracted to him/it's the same way that it is in N/Canon). I feel like she’d be able to get her dom on with him. Though she’d be curious about Kent’s big 🍆, I think he’s TOO sweet/dumb af for her. Then there's Eugene…but he’s far from ripening.

…Oh shit I just got another idea…it would make Wednesday a Super Bitch though. …👹 

> him during fencing <

>> Her behind is fine yes, but her moves? Hello? That flip is glorious.

I'm sure the flip would be nothing without those glutes. 

>open shirted, braless front<

>> Um? Don't tell me she's about to seduce him ?

👹👹👹

>she already eaten it? <

>> She IS the poisoned apple.

🏆

>in personal cruelty<

>> Took me a while but...she's totally doing this to fuck with Enid doesn't she? Ugh. 

👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

>Her eyebrows raised. "Including Xavier?<

>> Interesting if that's for her personal knowledge or if she will use that against him at some point…

Why else would a manipulative narcissist be interested in such information? 👹

>He blushed. He was, at least, charming<

>> He is a dork but he's adorable

We love Ajax in this house. 💖✨

> from a different time," he said, fairly quickly. <

>> I feel humiliated by the fact he knew that and I didn't. 

The word has Greek roots, and that's the only reason why he was so quick. Most anything else, he’s straight up stoner/couldn't tell you much.

> to his crush was how much he bottomed for both Nightshade boys<

>> Oh god poor Ajax is getting more than he bargained for.

HE SURE IS. Anyone who encounters her is in that kind of danger.

>derive pleasure from their eyes and ears<

>> This has to be discussed, however, because it can go both ways, as in

Afterburn Wednesday is  traditionally monogamous. But here, she is still without Donovan and is in Manipulator Mode. She’ll keep to her rules, though for the Tyler kiss (🤢) she’ll be so desperate to know the truth that she’ll fall right into Manipulator Mode again.

They discuss cheating in the audio excerpt from Part 2 (which is in Winter 2023), and obvs Donovan thinks she was cheating on him with Tyler.

>"Whaaa…way…wait, you don't like Enid?"<

>> While I trust your author skills, it feels like you're digging yourself a grave... Enid will be back next episode…

Trust in my author skills, and the fact that I'm still dealing with the Afterburn versions of these little fuckers...they have qualities not present in N/C.

>So I'm going to ask one last time: What do you need from me, Ajax?<

>> No iam not squealing, you are.

I need to dump some more of this Wenjax action in the next upload, huh.

>new pet gorgon<

>> Urgh while it's hot to read, I don't like Ajax getting exploited, he doesn't even get a taste in return…

He’ll be fine. …I think. 👹

>Ugh, poor Enid.<

>> Ness is so judgmental, why does Ajax finishing quickly indicate poor Enid? 

When she says that, she's actually sorry for Enid. Sorry that Enid has a dude who does finish too quickly.  Probably sorry that Enid (likely) won't have someone like Donovan.

Also, wet dreams don't count towards any judgements…they're things that are completely out of one's control.

>cruel and start laughing<

>> Have to say her behaviour here is making her quite unlikeable

She was never meant to be perfect. Her big character flaw is manipulating people to get what she wants (and while she gets away with it with Donovan sometimes, from the first car ride to the cabin you can see that she doesn't get away with manipulating him all the time, which I think is part of what draws her to him…that he WON'T let her do it all the time is seen as both strength and a challenge that she admires…everyone else is weak-willed). She doesn't really ✨care✨ about anyone besides herself and Donovan. Everyone else she just tolerates.

Plus, since these thoughts are centered around sex, she's amused because she now feels justified in her preferences.

>you're always fire whenever<

>> While her uniform is part of the excitement, that big brain of hers is the real appeal

Brains and beauty. Do you think he steals glances at her from across the room during CPlants? 👹

> "Hi Enid," she sang quietly.<

>> Oh god she is fucking evil. And apparently iam too because I can't help but smirk.

She is quite evil when someone pisses her off. But now she has a pet, and she’ll be using him in the next upload/part (urgh, it's coming so slowly 😭).

>"It's on the house. So's the weed<

>> I feel genuinely bad for him, he's such a nice guy that while a bit airheaded got the heart in the right spot.

I think this result is what Wednesday was looking for. It was a highly manipulative scene and a contrast to how she is with Donovan.

>letting the cash drop to the floor<

>> And then she does this type of disrespect like...why... Enid hurt you not Ajax.

Wasn't meant as disrespect. It's a power thing. He shouldn't have rejected her cash. Now he has to pick it up from the floor. He needs to do what he’s told…hence him ‘kissing her ring’ (she wasn't wearing any, so the gesture was symbolic). In actuality, neither really need the money.

>quarter pill of ecstasy.<

>> Not been there, but it feels risky needing drugs to be able to orgasm, could form an addiction no?

It's not necessarily ‘to be able to’ orgasm, it just makes it easier. It puts you in the mood. Opens everything up, makes things feel intensely better.

>his firm hand kneading at the muscles of her neck<

>> Anyhow...moving on from our Gorgon abuse... This is hot AF, but I have a massage kink so it does work extra for me.

They both have a style that’s brimming with sensuality. I think maybe Addams brings that out in him/his inner sculptor (not really sculpting, but he’s good at woodworking…sanding things, carving things). I'll get into that more in-text.

>> Still love the fact he calls her "Addams" also you have a typo there, the correct term is "sweet art".

He’ll always call her Addams, and she’ll clap back with Galpin when she wants. Both that and ‘sweet ‘art’ exist in the short Winter 2023.

>dragging her erection along his…. <

>> That is one of the most erotic things I have read in a while, ugh just so sensual AND hot.

She knows what she wants and how things work. 🫠💦💦💦✨

>onto her pillow and bedspread.<

>> Leave it to me to ask this in the middle of a sex scene but...why isn't she using towels to keep her bed dry? She can't very well switch out her bedding every single day can she?

She's high and doesn't care. 

…Now that I think about it, she should've been masturbating on Enid’s bed, for that wet reason. THAT would've been such a bitch move. Alas…hindsight.

>when he stretched his hands around her waist.<

>> Would her waist not be larger when she's full of air ?, also that is still tiny.

Take a very deep breath in and take a look at your stomach.

>peaceful ending with the man she adored<

>> Despite ness acting like a cunt towards the end of this chapter, this is what we are rooting for #happyend.

She's our cunt, though. 🥰

>I'm Belinda.<

>> Wow, what an ending to this behemoth chapter.

🫠💖✨

Apologies for the delay in the review, I was quite busy and had to catch up with other fanfictions as well. Now, what a chapter wow, not the most smut in it but the world and character building you do is amazing.

Why are you apologizing for a delay in review? 😭 I'm just ecstatic that I get such a thorough review at all. And thank you, I try.

Also, I agree with a fellow commenter who is of the opinion that the smut in this story is its own character, however, said character still needs a description of how they look like!

In all its detail including every landmark.

I would write more but I need to sleep 😭

#writing wednesday #satisfying afterburn #satisfying afterburn chapter 7 #satisfying afterburn wednesday #wednesday #wednesday addams #sheriff galpin #ajax petropolus #enid sinclair #yoko tanaka #mishizu herz #chapter 7 part 1 #chapter 7 part 1 discussion

[incomingalbatross]

Robin!Dick Grayson opinions that I hold very strongly and would like to see more of:

He was not particularly cute, or particularly small; in fact, I think he was probably pretty big for his age

He was a happy, upbeat kid, but fairly down-to-earth and unsentimental

(A basically-comprehensive list of things that could make the first Robin cry: 1) Batman being dead/hurt/lost, 2) Batman turning out to NOT be dead/hurt/lost, 3) any strong reminder of his parents' deaths, probably? Yeah. That's the list.)

Always, perpetually Ready To Fight. DELIGHTED to beat up bad guys at any time

He and Bruce interacted more as equals than anything else--sure, Batman had the authority when someone needed to be in charge, but having Dick's absolute trust did not mean having his respect, let alone deference. One both sides of the masks, they saw each other more as brothers and partners than as father and son.

(Is this entirely reasonable, seeing as Dick was in fact a child? No, but Bruce was a very young adult and still kind of stuck at eight years old in his own perception, and they were mostly figuring out How To Heal From Trauma AND How To Be Superheroes side-by-side. Bruce really wasn't that far ahead.)

He and Bruce had a ridiculously good relationship!! They trusted each other absolutely, were very comfortable communicating their feelings (yes, including the l-word), supported each other at all times, and...basically, never had a time they weren't on the same page until Dick reached his late teens and started getting Angsty and having College-Age Identity Crises. Even then, it wasn't as rocky as retcons/reboots make it out to have been.

(Part of the reason Bruce struggled with Jason, imo, is because everything with Dick had been such smooth sailing that he was not prepared for Jason's bundle of unfamiliar traumas. He doesn't know how to Parent because--at least from his perspective--Dick barely needed Parenting, everything just came naturally.)

...So basically Nightwing, just shorter, with fewer responsibilities, and with a completely unstrained relationship with Bruce.

Source for my opinions: however many Golden/Silver/Bronze Age Comics I've read. Which is certainly not, like, all of them, but is enough for me to have firmly established some Robin!Dick characterization hills to die on. Quietly. In the privacy of my own thoughts.

#i acknowledge that canon is a delusion and a snare #but SOMETIMES it matters #and if tim fans can have characterization opinions based on his robin era (which they can) #then i feel like i can have opinions founded in dick's forty years of actually being robin #i keep getting more bugged by fandom AND canon-flashback trends in his characterization #he's always a Troubled Angry Kid or a tiny adorable ray-of-sunshine sprite or a feral chaos gremlin #and i'm over here stewing on my internet porch like... those are all interesting characters but Kid Dick already HAS a character!! that's N #and yes Canon Kid Dick is maybe a little more boring because he's from the 40s-70s comics atmosphere #but i'd like to at least see him used as a /foundation/ more often #batfamily #dick grayson #robin #the dynamic duo #this has been your irregular and unscheduled rant for the night

[fancyfade]

For the ask thing: Damian?

ty anon ^_^

Pick a character I am likely to have Feelings/Opinions about and I will give and explain the top five ideas/concepts/etc that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

Damian

Compassionate - if you don't get that damian cares about other people you can't write him, do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. i don't care about arguing whether it comes easy for him or not because that doesn't really matter to me as much as his actions. we see him being willing to extend a hand out to kids who are in the same or a similar situation to the one he was in (demon's fist, mara, suren, maya). Also whenever he gives gifts, he like thinks of something SUPER meaningful for the person and then spends a bunch of effort hunting it down. He must make everyone else look like chumps at birthday parties :P

Competent - yes he's 10-14 years old in his canon main timeline appearances. that doesn't make him any less competent. don't forget he was trained since birth both to fight and in many other fields little dude canonically has a phd level education in economics*. "but it's unrealistic" maybe you are in the wrong genre if you are looking for incredible realism.

also even outside his skills he is still good at adapting and thinking on his feet, it's not like he only ever fights. he keeps himself alive against deathstroke via all the traps in the tomb that he memorized where were, he KOs jim gordon's boring bat suit by leading him into a trap and frying him with electricity, he freaks zsasz out by mimicking his fighting style back at him.... if he has a superior opponent (ok idk if jim is really a superior opponent i can’t remember how tough he was portrayed as in his boring batman run but whatever lol) he still tries to find ways to win that aren't just "punch it"

Confident - what makes Damian so fun to read is that he either acts like he’s the shit or knows he’s the shit (Depending on the point in his character development). there is ZERO fanboying on his part (yes he has people he respects) and he insists on being part of the room he is impossible to ignore. Even if he desperately craves someone's approval, he will never act like he needs it. He does definitely have some insecurities, especially when he just joins batfam, but I feel like overall especially post character development he’s pretty confident and sure of himself (and when he is not, he will still act like he is :P)

Reserved - Damian is extremely unlikely to just spill his feelings out to anyone he just meets. It takes him a VERY long time to open up to people.

still just a kid ffs - this doesn’t mean he wants to be treated like a kid, and he’s obviously not like a “regular” kid who wasn’t raised by assassins, but he's going to interact with things from the lens that a kid does. like I know this definitely wasn't intended by the author, but I think it's kind of interesting how Damian just seems a bit more... irritable and disagreeable when he just joins batfam than when he was working with the League of Shadows and like... his entire world changed! he moved from being the heir to ra's al ghul and presumably commanding around grown men assassins to having to follow dick's orders, live in a completely different environment, and be told the way that he was raised was wrong. any kid I think would be irritable and have a hard time juggling that new situation

*this is too a fun detail to ever leave out

#damian wayne #dc comics #character meta #anon #ask

[abundanceofnots]

Prompt! After seeing that ball gag in the basketball hoop in their room, I’m hilariously imagining Franny wandering downstairs with it during breakfast or something and everyone freaks out about it, or something similar lol

Forewarning: As you could’ve guessed, this one is pretty dirty. In fact, I’ll probably never recover from writing some of these words. You’ll know which ones I mean. Damn it, Shameless, why are these things canon?!

---

They were talking again. Loud, like they didn’t give two shits who could hear them, even though the house was full of people.

Lately, it’d become almost nonstop, and Debbie had just about enough of it – and them.

“Take it, you insatiable slut!” 

“Yes, fuckin’ impale me with your monster cock!”

As she stood behind the closed accordion door, which frankly did nothing to silence all the bizarre exclamations and assorted sex noises, she scrunched her face in disgust. Thankfully, her ears only felt like they were bleeding, and the real damage was happening just to her inner calm.

This time, Ian and Mickey were going at it at half past seven on a Sunday, throwing around words that would make even the creators of bad pornos cringe. 

They’d been on her shitlist ever since she found several dried come stains on her lilac bath robe, and really, her frustration with them only grew stronger from there. It was one thing that they apparently made sex into a full-time hobby; sounding like absolute perverts throughout their daily (and nightly) numerous rounds was another. 

Debbie could take it no more. She was long past the point of finding it funny. There were now very specific, lewd details about her older brother forever embedded in her mind – and she fondly looked back at the days when Ian was still behind bars and dearly missed.

Checking that her palm was covering Franny’s eyes, she squeezed her own eyes tightly before getting a blind hold on the accordion door. She yanked it open, immediately causing the verbal vomit to stop.

“The actual fuck, Debbie!” 

She heard scrambling and annoyed groans and, eventually, to what sounded like a fight over the comforter, the bed creaked as someone got off it. She took that as her cue and secured her hold on Franny, who started to dig her little fingers into Debbie’s palm.

“I’ve had it with you two assholes!” she raged, using her free hand to gesticulate wildly. “I was fine with the exaggerated moans and the fact that seeing your ugly naked asses around on a daily basis was now a given, but if I have to hear the words uber-masculine slut and dom top daddy one more time, I’m gonna make sure you won’t be able to stick your dicks anywhere. For a long time.” 

She paused, becoming faintly aware that someone was hurriedly trying to get dressed somewhere to her left.

“Now, I’m gonna go back to bed,” she continued, much calmer, satisfied that her case was being heard without protests, “and you’re gonna watch Franny because you both owe me. Big time.”

The room was silent, the atmosphere tense. Debbie let out a frustrated huff. 

“Just tell me when,” she prompted, too scared to open her eyes. 

For a second, it seemed like Ian and Mickey argued without saying a thing out loud. Then, settling on whatever, Ian cleared his throat. 

“Yeah.”

Debbie immediately regretted not leaving without sparing them another glance. Because while Ian was at least dressed, standing in front of her in his boxers and a T-shirt that was both too tight and inside-out, Mickey sat on the bed only with the comforter bunched in his lap. 

They were both sweaty and out of breath, and Debbie felt herself flush when she noticed the visible handprints on Mickey’s neck. 

Still, she recovered fast, piercing them both alternately with a hard stare. “Can’t believe I even have to say this, but no fucking in front of my kid!” she warned, pointing her finger at them.

---

The slam of Debbie’s bedroom door successfully burst the strange bubble they got themselves caught up in. Their eyes instantly snapped to each other. 

“I call shower,” Ian announced plainly.

“Fuck you, I call shower first,” Mickey countered. “I was about to bust a nut anyway.”

“What’s bustanut?”

It was the first thing they heard Franny say, and, yeah, Debbie was definitely going to break both of their dicks after this, wasn’t she?

“Well, Franny,” Ian started as he leaned down to her, maneuvering her a little so that she wouldn’t catch a glimpse of Mickey’s naked form as he untangled himself from the comforter, “that’s a thing adults say when they have to brush their teeth. And your Uncle Mickey has a really stinky breath this morning.”

“Like you’re one to talk, bitch.” 

Ian looked up to Mickey poking his tongue in his cheek, his loosely curled fist moving in front of his face in a rather obvious motion. He shot him a glare, but Mickey just pulled his boxers up and left the room, chuckling.

The good news was that Franny seemed content with that. Shrugging her shoulders, she hopped on their rumpled bed and started jumping on it. Ian decided it was better than having to crack the ol’ concept of male ejaculation to her on an early Sunday morning and went about his routine as usual. 

It didn’t take long until something else caught Franny’s attention and she started making low frustrated noises.

Putting on his deodorant, Ian watched in the mirror as she struggled with the cap of their lube. 

“Is this a special sauce?” she asked, all bright-eyed and curious.

Ian snickered. Franny knew all about special sauces ever since Liam started experimenting with making his own in the kitchen a few weeks ago. 

“Yeah, I guess it kinda is a special sauce, in a way,” he replied amusedly. “Uncle Mickey says he doesn’t like it, but he’s a filthy liar.” 

“Smells like strawberries.”

“Yeah, it does.” He turned, grinning at her. “Nice, huh?” 

She held the tube out for him. “Can I try?”

Instead of opening it for her like she probably expected, Ian took it from her and shoved it in the closest drawer.  

“Maybe in a few years.” 

Franny sighed dramatically, and Ian observed in real-time as he started losing his fun uncle points with her. But it didn’t matter how pouty she got; he couldn’t actually let her play with their lube. Mickey was right – that shit was expensive.

It only took about a minute this time before she got bored again. Kicking the bed involuntarily with her feet hanging over its edge, she scanned the messy room. Finally, her eyes fell on a black leathery thing laid on top of the laundry basket by the bed. 

“What’s that?”

Ian pursed his lips as he thought of the best answer, but before he could give her any, he got interrupted.

“It’s a ball gag,” Mickey supplied as he strode into the room with only a towel around his hips. His hair was wet, and the unashamedly self-satisfied smirk on his face had Ian roll his eyes.

“What’s a ball gag?”

“It’s—”

“A toy!” Ian said, a little panicky. “A toy that Uncle Ian and Uncle Mickey like to play with. Especially Uncle Mickey.”

Pausing on his way to their closet, Mickey smacked Ian’s ass. Waggling his eyebrows, he then leaned in to lightly peck his cheek.

“You betcha.” 

Franny’s eyes widened with excitement. “Can I play, too?” 

She got her hands on the contraption at the same time as Ian, who at first tried to scare her off with a stern look. Failing that, he started pulling on the strap, giving out a somewhat tentative laugh.

“Really not a good idea.”

“I wanna play, too! Please!”

“Franny—”

With an ear-splitting screech, she slipped the ball gag from Ian’s grasp and set off running out of the room.

“Crap,” Ian muttered, slapping hard at Mickey’s arm when he had the nerve to chuckle. “Dumbass, your dick’s on the line here, too, you know?”

In the kitchen, he found Franny making rounds around the table; the sex toy held over her head victoriously like a golden trophy. Thankfully, the only person sitting there was Lip, who seemed genuinely entertained by the sudden spectacle.

“Uncle Lip, Uncle Lip, do you wanna play with my ball gag?” Franny asked mid-run.

“Uh, maybe later?” Still smiling, Lip shot his brother a look, pointedly raising a brow.

“Franny?” Ian tried playing nice with a sing-song voice. When the kid slipped past him over and over again, he decided to change his tactics. “Franny! Gimme that!”

“No!” she yelled stubbornly as she took off toward the living room. Unluckily for her, that’s where Mickey, having come down the other set of stairs, caught her. 

As he walked back with her, he held her under his arm so that her tiny legs kicked the air behind his back as she tried to wiggle free. “Sorry, kid, but Uncle Mickey doesn’t share his toys,” he told her as he settled her down in the kitchen. 

Lip sniggered into his mug. 

“So, breakfast?” Mickey suggested after he passed the ball gag to Ian. “I’m fuckin’ starving.”

While Ian hid the sex toy upstairs, Mickey made Pop-Tarts. And Franny, being the good girl she was, sat there through all that and quietly sulked. 

Then, after nibbling on her breakfast for some time, she stood up resolutely.

“I’m gonna go bustanut,” she stated loudly, nearly prompting Lip to choke on his coffee.

He watched as Mickey cackled, and shook his head.

“Debbie’s gonna kill you both, you know?”

Mickey just smirked. “Can’t wait to see her try.”

#gallavich #shameless fanfiction #shameless #writing prompt #my fics #shameless fic

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out! 

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too. 

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still. 

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope? 

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this. 

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot. 

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic. 

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan. 

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 liveblog

[clandestine-j]

Gossip Girl, EP. 4 Reaction & Review

Finally, I've gathered all of my thoughts for ep. 4! I had this really cool extra post to the intro and had more thoughts but then I lost the entire thing so I had to re-write the entire post SO, yeah, this is all I have for this part. Also, if anyone has those bts photos please let me know, i’m looking for the ones that have the audience reacting to max’s dick pick from the fashion show, aki biting his lip. please send. 

ADULTS:

Kate & CO: JAIL JAIL JAIL. We had that one teacher being turned on by incest and ruining kids lives. DO BETTER IN JAIL. I'll say tho, the male teacher makes a better gossip girl, he doesn't feel bad and is enjoying it. Kate could never.

Rafa: JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. I hate that they showed us this man having common sense. This man, pushing Max away sexually but understanding that he needs serious help. I hate that they just didn't have them flirting and show us him saying no, I'm so upset. I'm even more upset that I fell for him being the character to subvert the trope. I can only blame myself but blame HBO as well. I also hate the comments saying it's okay or well, the show needs scandal and spice. They could've been photographed together in normal clothes, just standing next to each other. Max could lie to GG. There are a bunch of ways these could become an IC scandal without having them cross the line. If you support this, you need help.

OUR KIDS:

Max: My boy needs therapy, lots of it. Maybe rehab. On one hand, he's being taken advantage of because he's clearly going through something and more than just his dads and he has been for a while. His escapism is dangerous and anyone would be able to prey on that. On the other hand, I need someone to beat his ass. His lines to Rafa about money and career were punch worthy and out-right willing to lie about Rafa doing something to him, even just to press Rafa's buttons. He needs help, he needs to be taught boundaries, he needs a lot. And why were the only two people concerned for his week-long disappearance Aki and Audrey, the whole squad should've had the guns out, friends since childhood, sure.

Obie: My boy, I get that you didn't like where you saw Zoya headed. I get that in some aspects you were right about her being a little too involved and suspecting Julien. That being said, she was having real problems and troubles and needed support. Do better. Obie still isn't the worst character on the show and many of them are SOOOO much worse. He doesn't deserve the all of the smoke he's been getting when their are better people for it.

Monet & Luna: I hate them as people and love them as characters that move the plot. I guess I could see how they thought the fuck school thing was horrible (and Julien too since she planned on showing Obie). The directors cut, I don't think they thought it'd ruin Zoya, they're just fucking cruel and found it funny. Let's box. Also, why are ya'll so pressed over this CHILD. Like get over it, find a real up-coming social media star. 

Aki & Audrey: My good sis, you brought a gay man to make Aki jealous. I'm sick, it was fucking funny. Her comments at first were off the wall, I wish the writers would've done something else but a lot of woman don't see it as normal so I sort of get it. I'm glad she came around by the end. And Aki...he was a little spicy this episode, my boy was ready to pop off a bit AND I AM HERE FOR IT. My dude said, 'I don't regret kissing him' I was THROWN. Aki being with Audrey helps me like her more because she's a bitch that's still ready to gun for a now 15 year old girl but her and Aki's relationship is cute. They could break up and be fine which is great, I love that their relationship is really more than just dating and the friendship is strong. I'm here for it.

Zoya: It's just bad writing but my head canon is trauma. Trauma from her moms death death, trauma from the past and current bullying that caused her lash out. I felt like this was her breaking point (so far) and anything gossip girl related as always came around to Julien. If she trusted Julien more, she wouldn't have thought of her as the person causing her issue's but she doesn't trust her. They were civil but even at the end of ep 2. Her 'hell yeah' to Julien about bonding was too dry, too dry. I think a big part of her just doesn't trust Julien and she'll always think the worse because she's seen mostly the worse. And that video, horrible, I'd hate everything about my birthday too after that and even before. Her emotions during the scene and the talk with Julien, ouch. And while I'm happy that Zoya found herself in the end, YES GIRL POP OFF. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. THIS IS THE FLAVOR. I WAS WAITING FOR THIS AND I WANT MORE. I DEMAND MORE. I SEE A SPARK OF A BITCH, LET HER OUT GO, GO ALISON DELAOTRUINES ON THESE BITCHES.

Julien: Once again, I love Julien as a character, I know she's supposed to be struggling and for that, It's fun to watch her BUT. Julien could never be on my team, she's too wishy-washy. That is my issue, she's too, just...flip-floppy with no substance. Like, when she does things wrong, they're expected  to be forgiven / are forgiven without true reflection or anything on her part. She fucks up, she see's its wrong and then she says sorry and goes on it does it again. This episode was just the worst example, like, the moment she heard buffalo, she was ready to send in a tip. Instead of just doing the party normally and being best because she's hear, she sends the video to Monet. She believes Luna and Monet (Monet talking about her throne being taken when Zoya isn't even an influencer) and she eats it up. They were the ones who did the dick pick thing, like girl, THINK. And why does she never get the full plan, why would she not watch the video or why is she so shocked that Luna and Monet would play something like that? She knows them. Friends since childhood? Sure. Using your moms name to make the party about charity? SIS, THE FEUD IS NOT WORTH IT. She says she wants to be sisters but then she switches up so fast and the witches up again, it's whip-last and I'm sick. I hate that she's doing this to her and I hate even more that's is the writers fault. I don't mind a character having personal conflict but make it a conflict. Like after four episodes, why is she still friends with her sisters bullies? At the end of the episode, she says she's gonna tell them to lay down their weapons, NO, shut it down. correct them. make it clear and make it known. I love my girl because she's flawed but I wish they'd linger on things and have her really think about it. I was fine with the i'm sorry speech up until the camera part.

Other random thoughts

fuck the rafa max thing again, i'm not over, i will never be over it

evan mock isn't the best but he does give me face at times, his 'wtf stare', little sly looks, the 'wtf' moment when audrey first asked him if he was gay like 'this bitch' also, give him more annoyed, irritated scenes, he gives in those

have julien go full nice or full evil for a while, pick a side and stick with it for more than one episode

i wish zoya was a bitch at her old school but i'm fine with this too, it explains why she was so reactionary when it came to the bullying at constance, not again!

i wish we could've seen julien talk with davis after that stunt

nick and davis, KISS, the ride scene was 100%

don't talk about obie so soon

i like that she chose to be with julien for the night, it was cute

emily makes these faces that i can't get with

eli brown is a good actor, that shot of him during the traumatic reveal

i will say, zobie might be boring but when they talk, they talk, their communication is p good, i don't hate it

i’d be here for obie x aki bc they’re friends, they got chemistry, aki was giving look lil up and downs this episode, aki was giving a lot of looks this ep, honestly, idk i just don’t want him heart broken 

aki menzies is still my comfort character

i couldn't take rafa serious with his ass out,

whitney's acting in that talk scene, perfect, my girl had me in tears because DAMN

jordan is pretty good but in that scene, go girl, give me nothing

fuck max and rafa

max lied about his dads or at least one, AT LEAST one, i don't think they'd do that, he saw his in and took it

aki and aud, just have that open relationship, ya'll will make it, the way he tucked into her, it was so sweet

davi and nick secret relationship plot

jail for all of the teachers, once again

the hallway scene was great, the cinematography is been clutch overall

music wasn't as jarring

that's about it! i have more thoughts on the show overall that might be another post, they have a lot of amazing ideas but they need to stick with one and flush it out is the overall gist, i'm still into it!

can't wait for five bc i love the angst that's about to hit.

#c;gg #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl hbo

[ellana-ravenwood]

Batfam moments I think about a lot and wish we'd have more stories of...

1. Bruce Wayne learning how to "dad" and making SO MANY MISTAKES. But we see him evolve over the years, and slowly getting used to it. He will always have communication problems, and have moments when he's a total jerk. Let's not forget he's only human, and we all have bad moments. Buuuuut, he’s the kind of father to go make a detour to buy his kids their favorite dinner (and yes, all of them, like before he comes home to Wayne Manor, I can see him go to différent take aways and bring back their favorite food haha). 

Or like, remembering exactly what they’re into lately and looking stuffs up on the internet to get up to date. I bet sometimes they’d talk about a band or video games and Bruce would be like : “Oh yes, I particularly like the battle mode of this blahblahblah” and they’d all be stunned haha.  I think he has a special way of loving. It’s not always obvious, out there right in your face, but it’s most definitely there. 

His children are his strength (as shown in many stories... In more stories in fact, that the ones that exists where he's a total dick to them). And he cares for them in his own way, which can sometimes appear cold and such, while it's just that he doesn't always know how to react. Like. We have to remember his background, it's not really surprising he has communication problems and such things. But he cares... So much. 

He's thé kind of dad that goes out of his way to please his kids, even if said kids don't even notice the small things he does for them because ya know, hé just does it and they're used to it and it's only as they grow up they truly realize how out of his way he went for them etc etc. À discreet , pure and différent way of loving. He knows them, hé truly does. “You don’t even know me !” one of them would say after a fight, out of anger, and he would answer : “I do.” confidently, and they’d be like : “PROVE IT THEN !” and Bruce would enumerates everything he can think of about them. Favorite color, favorite meal, favorite book, favorite tv show, hobbies, crushes, fears etc etc...Anyway. Yes. 

I just want scenes of him slowly learning how to be a father, and not being the best about it all the time, yet trying his best and it’s obvious he does. We forget sometimes what he went through, and what it truly means for him to adopt and take care of those kids. We forget often that he became Batman, mainly because he does not want any other kid to experience what he went through. Bruce as à father is far from perfect, and hé makes shit tons of mistakes, but he tries, and hé loves them deeply. I think that's why I really hate canon lately, they turned him into à mindless brute who genuinely abusés his kids. It's so, so, so bad, and goes against decades of stories. It's written by people that think "edgy" is à personality trait and what people nowadays love (which is totally false). I'm pretty sûre that for all the canon examples of him being à jerk to the Batkids, I can pull out about ten times more examples of him being à good dad. Again. He's flawed because he's human, and he's difficult to understand at times... But no one will ever make me believe he doesn't love his children with all his heart.

2. Young Jason being super surprised that Bruce is actually a very good cook because he always pictured filthy rich people never doing anything themselves...and Bruce being like : “You know, I was mostly raised by Alfred. Of course he would teach me basic house skills.” while flipping expertly the food in the pan. Alfred one day telling the kids something like : “Everyone always think Master Wayne is a bubbly idiot who cannot work his way around a house, but this is very wrong. He has been changing his own sheets ever since he was 7, and his parents already made sure that he would know what house work is, so he could treat the servants right by seeing how difficult it can be. When his parents died, I took care of him, and there was a long moment he would follow me around everywhere, maybe in fear that I would go, too...During those moments, I taught him a lot.” And then just Bruce showing à few things to his own kids, as à parallèlism to how him and Alfred were (and still are) ❤️.

3. A direct follow up of the one above, Bruce teaching his kids all kind of stuffs. How to play piano, how to fall without hurting yourself, how to cook, how to fight, how to ride a bike for those who didn’t know etc etc...A perfect mix of totally normal domestic stuffs, and of night vigilante stuffs. I bet he’d make up “escape games” for his kids on boring Sunday afternoons, because it’d develop a lot of their skills needed to be Robins (or whoever) AND is fun. I think the reverse totally works too, the kids teaching him things. Like, how to play that video game, how to use slang without sounding like an old man, how to paint his nails, blahblahblah. Just moments together, because they spend so much time with each others like, come on. They have hobbies too. And care about each others enough to want to know about it, and share stuffs etc etc. Growing together, ya know ?

4. More crossover moments with the entire family, not just one or two character : John Constantine being there to ask help for a thing (or not asking help but Bruce wouldn’t let anyone “tamper” with Gotham without him being there so...haha). Zatanna coming around to teach the kids some magic (just like her dad did with Bruce...not “real” magic but like, escape magic and all), or something. Green Arrow making à courtesy visit with his wife, son, and sidekicks. The Superfam and their strong bonds with the Batfam being shown more, and not always in that “rival” way. And like, all of them, not just one or two characters at a time. Sunday lunches at the Kent farm, gaming nights (to which Bruce is dragged to), friendly compétitions, blahblahblah.

5. “Baby” Dick having nightmares in the middle of the night of his parents’ death, and Bruce always being there. How Bruce understands and is always around for him. And reassures him. And on that note : I’m sure most of the kids have nightmares during the night, and Bruce becomes better and better over the years at soothing them. Oh also, if Dick, after he goes and lives in Bludhaven comes to sleep at Wayne Manor for any reasons and has a nightmare, Bruce will just automatically go to him...awkward and cute scene ensues haha.

6. Cass’ first words to Bruce. A very emotional scenes because...it’s the first time she speaks. And it’s clumsy and she’s not sure of herself, and her voice trembles a little. But she’s talking. I’m not sure what her first words would truly be, but most definitely something that touches Bruce. That move him. That make him realize how much he loves that kid.

7. Bruce taking Jason to a baseball game (pre-death Jason) for his birthday because that’s what the kid wanted as à gift. And then later, them going to a game once again after their reconciliation. A very big parallel between the two scènes ya know, as Bruce reminisces. Both end up with Jason hugging Bruce because his favorite team won. In the first scene it’s little 8/9 years old Jay excited and is all cute. In the post-death scene, it’s a grown up Jason who had been angry at Bruce for so long and finally forgave him, and who hugs Bruce without even realizing he does it, because he’s just happy...And it ends on Bruce’s face smiling like, he finally got his boy back.

8. Tim and Damian bonding. I hate it when they're only represented as hating each others 24/7. They had à rough start, sure. But they grew à lot... I just wish we could see them more actually learning to be brothers, accepting each others etc etc. Now of course they'd bicker. Like any siblings. But I bet they'd have à lot of common intérests and such. That they'd like to tease each others, but would genuinely like hanging out and all. 

Also Tim is à very understanding sweet person, hé might be annoyed with Damian at first... But he would be amongst those who get it, ya know ? Who gives him time/à chance ? Like Bruce at first did everything wrong with Damian. He was harsh and violent and used intimidation (things Damian was too used to...) thinking he needed that to get Damian to lose his old ways (until he realized how wrong he was and apologzed and took à gentler way...ah that was good shit right there, Bruce acknowledging it all and trying to be better... Not like this current canon Bruce who's an asshole and never suffers any cons��quences of it...). Well I think Tim would be more understanding and realize... Damian is just à kid. And Tim is à big brother now ? His older siblings were there for him, it's time for him to be there too. Know what I mean ? So yeah. I wish we'd have more of them actually being brothers and bonding.

 Same for Dick and Jason. I wish we had more of them together before Jason's death, and after too... They've been brothers for à long time, their relationship from start to Jay's death to him coming back... Is so interesting. Also, same goes for Cassandra and any of them.

9. Tim getting genuinely interested about Wayne Enterprise, and going to work with Bruce. Asking à million questions and mimicking à lot of B's mannerisms. Dick never showed much intérest in the company, and Jason could've been à great "heir " to it all had he not die and all... I don't think neither Damian nor Cass would care much. But Tim ? First canonically he is interested. But even so, he's just that "type" of kid ya know ? I bet he'd be very excited about the charity side of it all, and find novel ways to to make the world a better place. After all Tim is thé only one of the Robins to not have à tragic background (at least at first, after je was also hit with loss and pain... ) when he first became Robin, and who helped Batman and all completely selflessly. Because it was the right thing to do, and for no other tragic reasons.

10. Damian learning/enjoying really normal basic things gives me life ? Like the boy grew up in such à specific environment, there's so many things he must've missed...Disney movies marathon, vidéo games, just having fun without any other purpose than to have fun (no training), knowing what it is to feel safe and warm... You know. I wish we'd just see Damian understanding and learning things he was just never given, that are just... Nice. Of course being Batman's son means his life can never be completely normal (and I'm not sure he could fully adapt to à normal life... People always seem to forgét the deep traumas he went through during his childhood, which is why he was how Hé was at first...aaaah Damian came à long way), but you know, hé can still expérience so many new things, with his siblings and all ? With his father who tries really hard ? With Alfred ? Just. Seeing truly Damian have that character development without backtracking on it all the time (you know how in canon stories he's à total brat, then gets better, then back to à friendless brat who hates everyone and so on and s forth :/). Seeing him wanting to become better, and actually having à nice évolution.

_____________________

When I'm sad, I like to headcanon scènes about the Batfam, stuffs I wish we could see etc etc haha. Here's just à few I thought about today. I just.. Love them so much, love to share my love for them, and néed to escape current canon a lot haha. Anyway. Here we are.

PS : Sorry for any typo, I wrote this on my phone, and since I'm French, the autoccorect is changing almost every English words to French ones and I might've missed à few mistakes it made ( which drives me crazy haha. And is why I only put 10 "scènes" and not more... Ah, for another post ?).

#Bruce Wayne #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Cassandra Cain #Richard Grayson #Damian Wayne #Batfamily #Batman #Nightwing #Robin #Red Hood #Red Robin #DC headcanon #Batfam #DC comics #Hiding in my headcanons #And ignoring canons haha #Terrible terrible current canon #This neanderthal Bruce and his abuse #...not our Batman ! #Awfuuuuul anyway here haha #Alfred Pennyworth #Batdad #Batkids

[datawyrms]

That’s Robophobic!

Is K1-B0 really too sensitive about being a robot, a far too long rambling thing digging through every bit of dialogue he has.

short answer: no. long answer: HOLD ON FOLKS I’N SERIOUS ABOUT EVERY BIT OF TEXT as i’m bored and i’m going to spit ideas about my Favourite good robot at you all day. It’s entire prologue and first chapter I am serious this thing is huge and way too many words.  Also spoilers everywhere so uh. Don’t...look at this if you haven’t finished V3ok.

Prologue 

Keebo doesn’t talk or do anything in this bit! He’s just there. Up front for the splash and then hiding in the back afterwards. Officially according to the art book he is in fact a robot at this point in time as well. He’s just covered up and apparently doesn’t have to have those lines on his face or the ear-analogues he’s got most of the game. The More You Know. (not that this should stop anyone from havin fun in fan work. do what makes you happy!) I mostly point it out as Being A Robot is a massive part of Keebo’s character, so the fact he’s always one isn’t really that surprising. We’ll get into that more when he actually...has lines... oh and the mild theory of Monodam basically being Keebo’s Bear Equivalent, they have similar plot beats/character progression though the Monokubs are shaky in general so :v MOVING ON

Ultimate Revival

aka we meet Keebo and Kokichi ‘properly’ for the first time. The pair should generally be the 6/7th students protag bumps into. (me replaying and going ‘lol Tsumugi makes herself the first not Shuichi person Kaede should canonically meet by the placements’) Get used to Kokichi, a massive amount of Keebo’s dialogue is with, in response of, or directed at him, and this introduction is a testament to that. You meet them mid interaction!

Kokichi- Heeey! Wait for meee!

That boy in white is chasing that other boy in the funny clothes... What's happening here?   

Great opening robot. You spend most of the time lonely but the first we see of you is running away from someone. (It’s an interesting difference to how he reacts to Kaede/Shuichi in their first FTEs.) That, and apparently Kaede doesn’t peg Keebo as a robot here. Shuichi says he’s ‘chasing somebody’, so he might have noticed.

Kokichi: C’mooon! Wait up! Lemme touch your body a little! I've always wanted to be friends with a robot! Kaede: What? A robot!? K1-B0: ...What is it? Are you another robophobe?  I have a recording function. If you make any robophobic remarks, I will see you in court. 

keebs you don’t have the money to take anything to court but we’ll let you keep that delusion ok. and you’re probably legally counted as property In fairness, the robot lad is not making the best first impression! Kokichi is kinda childish by just assuming he should get to touch the robot, but he is genuinely interested at this point. It’s easy to read this as Keebo being too touchy. He’s sensitive about that being a robot is the ONLY thing you care about. So Kokichi wanting to be friends with a robot and being grabby...well there he goes getting defensive. (and it turns out he probably has reasons to not like grabby hands. kaede)

Kaede:  Wait...you're a robot!? Are you, for reals, a robot!?  Shuichi:  A-Are you...one of the Monokubs—   K1-B0:  Do not compare me to those toys! I am not just any old robot! 

Keebo is completely justified here, visually he isn’t even close to a Monokub or an Exisal, and lacks a split two tone theme. Would you want to be compared to a Monokub? No. No you would not. He’s also showing at bit of that pride here, calling them ‘toys’, though they do seem as capable as thinking as he is. (keebo is also a robophobe oh no.)

Oh look it’s the reason you have SO MANY NAMES. Some people prefer the ‘Kiibo’ shortening, but all the screenshots are going to say Keebo so we’re gonna be consistent. We are never going to see another character refer to him as K1-B0, but everything interface wise will call him this. We might not think you’re a person, but we’ll use your preferred name no problem. probably because k1-b0 is a mouthful

Kaede:  A robot and...supreme leader? Neither of them make any sense. Kokichi: By the way, I learned the hard way that a robot's breath smells like gasoline. K1-B0: My breath does not smell like gasoline! I am powered by electricity! Kokichi: Nee—heehee...I'm just kidding. K1-B0: ...You're not funny. Kokichi:   Of course you don't think I'm funny. Robots can't understand human humor to begin with! K1-B0:  D-Don't mock me! I have studied the complete history of stand-up comedy! 

Things we learn: These two are weird. That, and Keebo is kind of terrible at interacting with people. He takes the lie/joke at face value, hesitates when corrected that it is a joke (But doesn’t go saying ROBOPHOBIA this time). and each time he’s responding he’s trying to prove something. The little stammer seems like Keebo knows he’s bad at it but darn it he’s going to tell you about the things he can do. Like study stand-up comedy. (Poorly)

Kaede: I think you should've just watched stand-up comedy instead of studying it...   K1-B0: Plus, I may have the appearance of a robot, but I am a high school student just like you Shuichi: You're a high school student? K1-B0: I was created by Professor Idabashi, the leading authority in the field of robotics...  He installed in me a "strong AI," capable of learning and maturing like a human brain. That's why, at the time of my creation, I didn't know anything. I was like a baby...  But the professor raised me like I was his own child. He taught me so many things... Until finally, he enrolled me in high school. And now I stand here before you all! See? I’m just like everyone else! Kokichi: Hey, do robots have dicks? K1-B0: Please do not ask ridiculous questions! Kokichi: Nee-heehee... I only asked because your backstory is pretty flaccid for a robot. Kaede: Well, I can see how being a robot might be enough to be called the Ultimate Robot...

Keebs loves talking about himself, this like the longest intro block of text. Then the justification to why Keebo is Pretty Garbage at fitting in! He speaks rather formally and uses contractions less often than he could and spends a lot of time clarifying things you could probably assume. His entire life up to this point he’s basically been home schooled by a leading robotics expert from scratch, and we don’t even know for how long. He doesn’t mention any other people, and even via FTEs and Salmon mode he never refers to having any other close relations or friends. (This isn’t uncommon for most of the cast there isn’t a ton of FTE time to bring up things that don’t matter, but they’ll usually MENTION other people/activities that you could reasonably assume would involve others.)  He says he was raised ‘like his own child’ but Keebo might have zero actual context to what a family relationship looks like! Kaede’s mental crack nudges at this, maybe our robot friend ‘knows’ what something is, but has he actually experienced it? Is he just assuming his experience is ‘close enough’ to whatever he was taught? We don’t know! For all we know Keebo has only been operational for like three years. He’s incredibly aware he’s a robot, he doesn’t use words like born and always clarifies he was like a baby or a child, but not literally so. So constantly being reminded like he doesn’t already know that might be annoying for him. Really he’s asking for respect and to be treated like an equal...but he’s expressing it by saying he’s the same as everyone.  Also: We’re just meeting him and we’ve already got two people going ‘this is a disappointing robot’. Kaede doesn’t even think he’s much of an Ultimate right now, and we all know Kokichi’s thoughts :v This trend will continue.

Kaede: Hey... Everything he's said so far has sounded like a lie, so that's gotta be a lie too, right? K1-B0: Just leave him alone. Everything he has been saying has been a lie. ...He's a far more suspicious person than I am, that's for sure. Kokichi: Well, of course you're not a suspicious person, because robots aren't people, silly. K1-B0: Grgh...! Kokichi: Oh, you mad? Are you gonna hit me with a rocket punch? K1-B0: I don't have that function! Kokichi: Aw maaan, you’re boring.

Keebo will use ‘person’ to describe himself! Never human. It’s likely the main conflict he’s having is having a different definition for ‘personhood’ than most of his fellow classmates. If you’re into marine life, you might know about how dolphins and whales seem intelligent enough that considering them ‘non human persons’ was/is bandied about sometimes, and the whole issue with that is well, we’re humans. Everything we judge is going to related to the human experience. (National Geographic had a neat article on the topic in 2015 I think?) Keebo is not coming from that experience. He knows he can think and feel like all the others, so of course if he needs a word, it’s ‘person’. Note how he doesn’t actually argue back when Kokichi says he isn’t one. They’re both ‘right’ in a sense, even if Keebo clearly doesn’t like it.

K1-B0:  I may have the appearance of a robot, but I am a high school student just like you. From one high school student to another, I hope we can all get along! Kokichi: Who creates a robot without a rocket punch? Why do you even exist?

Yes, even in post conversation dialogue Kokichi comes along for the ride. Here Keebo goes trying to use ‘high school student’ as a describer instead of person since he is undeniably a student. The fact he flips from being proud of what he is to downplaying the fact he’s a robot is pretty interesting and the first look at the difficulty he’s going to be having. Fitting in=Respect.  While Kokichi is digging for more info, but Keebo doesn’t elaborate or react to the repeated rocket punch reference :v Shuichi and Kaede only comment on Kokichi in the post dialogue, so nothing to add from them.

Then we get to the gym. Kaede chastises Himiko for being lazy and then Keebo decides to add his thoughts. With an apology. This boy can’t decide if he has all the confidence or none of it.

K1-B0: Pardon me, but...we need to be on our guard. We do not know if and when danger will strike. Kokichi: D-don’t say that... I’m so scared... I don’t know what to do... Angie: There is no need to worry. Atua will protect us. Kokichi: Phew! That’s a relief!

oh look a Keebo line immediately followed by a Kokichi one i wonder if this will be a trend. Kokichi points out that Keebo phrased ‘uh we might be in danger’ rather poorly with his little emotion flip flop. We know that Keebo means it in the best way possible, he wants the best for everyone, but it’s unnecessary. Yes, nothing has happened, but they all know they’ve been kidnapped by weird colourful bears. Are you restating for the audience at home Keebs? (...he could be. Inner voice is a fun can of worms. we’ll get to that.) He doesn’t speak again until the killing game is announced.

Tenko: W—Wait a second. What did you say? K1-B0: I-If I heard him correctly— Monodam: KILLING-GAME

There he goes taking someone completely literally. Then not even getting to finish his sentence because Monodam cuts him off. The Monokubs do their jabroni throwdown thing annnnd Tsumugi: In a situation like this, is he just going to watch!? K1-B0: Either way, it's too dangerous! We need to get out of here or else—  Monokuma: Now, now, now... Kaede: What? Monokuma: My cute little cubs... You gotta knock off this awful fighting...

Cutting off other robots is apparently a family trait, because Monokuma does it here too! The fact Keebo is instantly suggesting running also shows he’s not really the aggressive sort. When you see his profile image in the Monopad you might think he’d be a scary sort of fighter bot. Buuuutnope. The Monobear gang do their chattering/properly introduce Monokuma

Maki: Headmaster? K1-B0: It appears to be some sort of autonomous robot with a built-in A.l., like me... Monotaro: Dong dong dong! The Exisals are different, though! They're brainless buckets of bolts!

He does recognize Monokuma/kubs as similar to himself here instead of continuing on with the current question of ‘how is this thing a headmaster of anything’. Keebo would probably be the expert on this, but no one asked. Time and place for information is also something Keebo is terrible at :v Monokuma: It's just...when I said it before, I kinda just phoned it in and now I feel awkward... I want you students with your Ultimate-level talents to participate in a killing game. Kaede: K-Killing game? Us? K1-B0: Please stop joking! Why would we agree to participate in a killing game!? Monokuma: Huh? You guys don't wanna do it?  

‘Maybe he’s joking like Kokichi was earlier!’ Sorry robot friend, Monokuma is not joking. Keebs cares about death, even if reasonably he could be as ‘replaceable’ as Monokuma (Though we sort of know he isn’t based on Tsumugi’s mentioning that she’s glad he ‘made it to the end’.)  Keebo doesn’t comment again after this

He is the second to show up after Kaede in the into though! Considering he is a ‘protagonist’ (for the ‘real world’) that’s not too surprising, while Shuichi is hiding in the 5th spot, after Rantaro.

Chapter 1

ohboy here we go. With the entire cast alive, Keebs is very much a background character. What’s his first line as everyone is learning the rules of the killing game?

Tsumugi: But...we looked all over that wall and there wasn't a single hole. K1-B0:  Now wait just a second. If there's no opening in the wall... Then how did we get inside these walls in the first place? Tsumugi:  ...Oh, good point.

Correcting Tsumugi. No horrified reactions or anything, but oh That Isn’t Logical I Will Correct You. Especially in group settings, Keebo generally sticks to factual statements, unless he’s being goaded. Once again, he has nothing else to say after this! But before you have Gonta open the manhole cover, Keebo shows up in Kokichi’s dialogue if you talk to him.  aka this is optional content.

Kokichi: Whoa, look at all these weeds. This place could definitely use a groundskeeper. Right, Kee—boy!? K1-B0: Why are you telling me that? Furthermore... I would prefer you address me as "Keebo." Kokichi: But you can pull weeds. Right, Kee-boy? K1-B0:  I can do all sorts of things just as well as any person! Kokichi: As well as any person...? But...you're not a person. K1-B0: Th-That's discrimination... Robophobic discrimination...

I don’t have anything to say, time to hassle the robot is a pretty common tactic for Kokichi. He’s also the only one to nickname Keebo a second time. No one else will be calling him Keeboy. It’s curious how he pulls Keebo into this conversation, and how Keebo doesn’t really seem to know how to react to it and just tries to correct Kokichi about his name. We can add our second example of him actually going ‘robophobia’ to the list though :v He seems a bit offended that he’s being underestimated/having the suggestion floated that he can only pull weeds and basically does a low key brag about his abilities ‘all sorts of things’. In fairness, ‘as well as any person’ isn’t exactly a useful metric for ability. People vary a lot! Again he doesn’t deny that he ‘isn’t a person’, by going ‘robophobia’ he’s practically agreeing. If you talk to Keebo directly...

K1-B0: ...There is a monitor here, too. That aside, this is a rather remote location to install a communication device... K1-B0: ...lt's a pointless expenditure, wouldn't you agree?

He’s making observations about the area alone and trying to be useful by posing a question. That, and getting someone to agree with you is a decent tactic to becoming more friendly, and it’s a pretty easy thing to agree with... He’s not actually being useful, since we have no reason to care why Monokuma would make pointless expenditures, but he’s trying. This is also the most dialogue any single person has (Kurumi gets close, but only has one textbox to Keebo’s two.) Time to lift a manhole cover aaaannnnd

Angie: Awwww, this manhole cover looks heavy. Can we even lift it? K1-B0:  I can try. Keebo placed his hands on the manhole cover, and with all his strength he—Grgh...! Grrrrrrrrrrrrgh...! How embarrassing. It won't even budge. Angie:  Huhhh? A robot's not even strong enough to move it? K1-B0: Oh, don't worry. My physical strength is approximate to that of a strong senior citizen. Miu: Th-That's fuckin' pathetic! K1-B0: Th-The professor did not want a repeat of the tragedy that occurred during trial production. Tsumugi: Umm... Now I'm just plain curious about what happened during that trial...

Yes, the first time Miu ever interacts with Keebo, she calls him pathetic. :v His want to help overroad the common sense that he probably wouldn’t be able to lift it at all. It is also possible Kokichi’s comments made him want ho show he can do things. Even though he literally can’t do this. Tsumugi was very much me at this moment, going ‘wait explain that please’ but no one else really cares so he won’t be clarifying. The fact he just goes there was a tragedy in trial production and no one bats an eye is low key hilarious to me. He’s just so matter of fact about it. Gonta then makes the cover look like a paper plate.

Kokichi: But Gonta is sooo much more reliable than some bean—counting robot. K1-B0:  Are you...talking about me? Because I can count many things, not just beans.

His objection is that he can count lots of stuff. Not that he’s a bean-counting robot, or less useful than Gonta. Keebo is adorable, okay. Keebo doesn’t speak again after this, meaning we’re back in optional dialogue time! This is right outside the death road of despair.

Miu: You're too weak, Keebo! Lemme remodel you and I'll make you the strongest robot ever! First, I'll soup up your crotch plate by installin' a nice, thick one, just how I like it! Hah-hahaha!

Miu is Miu. Keebo doesn’t respond to this! It is fun to see Miu’s already excited that there’s a robot around that isn’t evil to tinker with, but we don’t know how he feels about it for the moment. Her lab isn’t even open yet and she STILL is talking about remodling new robot pal :v (and yes i am putting down dialogue that relates to Keebo even if he doesn’t react/isn’t present for it. Knowing what the other characters think of him is important too.)

K1-B0: ...It's quite dusty in here. Prolonged exposure to this polluted air may be detrimental to one's health. Angie: Whaaat? Polluted air bothers you? But you don't even breathe air, right? K1-B0: W—Well, that is... While it's true that I do not breathe, I also do not like polluted air any more than you do. Kokichi: I see, you have a function for sensing poisonous gases! Well then, lead the way! K1-B0: N—No! I don't have that function! Do I look like a canary to you? Kokichi: Whaaat, you don't? Then you're even more useless than a canary! K1-B0: Grgh...

oh did you think he’d have a conversation without Kokichi. WRONG. Poor Keebo is already a bit flustered by being called out as different again when he was mostly just making an observation like he did upstairs. The whole not breathing thing is a pretty big difference and he’s instantly going I STILL DON’T LIKE IT, even though originally he might have just meant everyone’s health in general. Being able to sense poison gasses would probably be a helpful skill, and it’s a reasonable deduction...buuuut since he doesn’t have that it just gets to be an easy jab at him instead. The fact Keebo instantly goes for the canary comparison when as a robot he could be reasonably expected to not die because of the gasses is a bit odd, but sets him up wonderfully for a roast :v Keebo is one of the few that gets to ‘...’ at the death road failure, but doesn’t comment again until everyone is rallying themselves for another shot.

Tenko: My body is ready! You can tell by how outta control my pit sweat is! Kaede: E—Everyone! K1-B0: Isn’t it premature to say what we’ll do after we escape? Assumptions are all but useless. Kokichi: Geez, you're clueless... Why am I not surprised that a robot can't read the air? K1-B0: Robots can read the air! Thanks to innovations in pollutant-detecting technology, I— Kaito: Anyway, it doesn’t matter if Monokuma says it’s impossible! We’ll show him what we can do!

Kaito has joined the ‘people who cut off Keebo mid sentence’ club. Keebo is TERRIBLE at interacting. The question is probably genuine, logically they’re thinking too far ahead but like he’s told...now is not the time to be throwing reality in people’s faces Keebs. Or for desperately trying to prove yourself as able to read the air by completely misunderstanding what Kokichi is saying. he’s such a little disaster. i adore this silly robot. Once Kokichi calls Kaede out for ‘torturing’ everyone, K1-B0: Given the circumstance...the most logical course of action would be to give up...

No mentions of how he’s feeling. Just logic and trying to relate it to facts. I assume he expects feelings to be ignored so he sticks to facts for that reason...but that’s just my reading. He does it again when Rantaro speaks up.

Rantaro: Hey, guys? Just...as a warning...We shouldn’t let our guards down. We’ll be easy targets at night. Gonta: C-Cuz of killing game, you mean? K1-B0: I see no need to worry about something as illogical as murder taking place here. Rantaro: I know, I know. Just a warning.

Even though he says there’s no need to worry, he’s absolutely sporting a worried sprite. Yet he goes for saying it’s illogical for murder to be taking place. He can’t see any way doing such a thing would be justified at the moment, and you can see Keebo is a bit of a stickler for things ‘making logical sense’. When he’s not just taking the advice of a voice in his head anyway. We don’t hear from him again until the next morning in the dining hall.

Korekiyo: Now...all of us have arrived.  Kehehe...I'm glad. It looks as though there were no victims. K1-B0: But of course! Kokichi: By the way...are you okay, Kaede? Kaede: Huh? What do you mean? Kokichi: Well...you looked pretty bummed out after everyone started blaming you yesterday. Tsumugi: H-Hey... What are you doing all of— Kokichi: Seriously, you guys are so mean. Poor girl... She tried her best to encourage everyone, and you sore losers got mad at her anyway. K1-B0: What's the point of bringing that up again? Tenko: Actually...didn’t *you* blame Kaede first?

Oh look, Keebo’s being positive. Since everyone lived and he can confidently say that now. He’s also showing that Understanding Kokichi For Dummies was not in his hard drive, but he is trying to figure him out a little. Why did you bring it up? They don’t know, because Tenko gives him an easy out here. Not that he was likely going to answer anyway, but hey! A direct question! Which he follows up on after the rest of the class squabbles about it here..

Kokichi: Phew, cool beans! Now everything’s settled! K1-B0: ...But you did blame her first, didn't you? Kokichi: Well, that was a lie. Y'know, one of those lies to make us more united or whatever. Did you know half my lies are actually told with good intentions? Himiko: Now *that* sounds like a lie.

Kokichi actually answers! Genuinely, no less, even though he’s already got his lying reputation by this point. Kokichi is surprisingly up front with Keebo a decent chunk of the time, even if most of the time it’s just His Opinion On The Robot. Maybe he knows no one’s gonna take anything he says to Keebo very seriously now that he’s laid out the constant mockery groundwork. and then monokuma shows up

Maki: ...Motivation to kill? Monokuma: In short, a motive! That oughta add some mystery to the proceedings! Even if a killer is exposed, they could whip up a sob story to deceive everyone! K1-B0: Wh-What are you saying? Your logic is impossible to understand...! Monokuma: I will now announce the first motive! Make sure  you record this moment for prosperity! Now then, the special motive I’ve prepared is called the First Blood Perk!  Wow! For the first murder that occurs, no class trial will be held! Can you believe it? That means the first one to kill someone will get to graduate, no strings attached! Maki: No class trial will be held? Monokuma: I'm sorry that I made the class trial seem more important than it really is... So for the first murder, I've decided not to hold a class trial at all. Please just relax, calm down and kill! After all, the first one’s free! Miu: Huh? That's all!? We just gotta kill someone to get outta here!? K1-B0: "That's all"!? What's that supposed to mean!? Please just calm down! Tenko: First Blood Perk!? Don't make it sound like some kind of game show bonus!

Keebo is super anti-murder, though it’s sort of funny how his plea to Miu is very close to Monkuma’s own wording to ‘just calm down’. He doesn’t understand why you’d want to kill someone or make someone kill another, and seems genuinely surprised someone would do it based on how he reacts to Miu here. Leaving is not a justifiable reason to murder for Keebo, and we get that fact pretty fast. Then he just watches until Kaito gets himself in trouble by threatening Monokuma.

Monosuke: Youse bastards better pay attention! This is what happens when you mess with us! Kaito: Wh...what? What are you guys planning to do? K1-B0: P-Please, don't! Kaede: Run, Kaito!

More pleading to reconsider, because watching people die is Not Fun. Asking the Monokubs to not do something over encouraging Kaito is a bit notable though, no one really tries to reason with them. Keebo might not like them, or like being compared to them, but still seems to think they might be able to be reasoned with. They are AIs like him after all...and he doesn’t remark on anything after Monotaro messes up and crushes Monokuma either. I wonder if watching Monokuma die bothered him at all. (I think it might have, on the walk to the library Shuichi takes Kaede on, Keebo is one of the few characters that isn’t around to talk to.) You don’t see him again until the next morning where he’s hanging out near the main entrance.

K1-B0: Good morning, Kaede. Kaede: Morning, Keebo. K1-B0: Everyone appears to have gathered at the dining hall again. Kaede: Yup, looks like it. K1-B0: I'm thinking about heading over there as well, but... ... Kaede: But? K1-B0: Oh, nothing. I was just wondering...when someone is going to come rescue us. It's been almost a full day since Monokuma was dispatched, but our situation hasn't changed. I'm just speculating, but what if... ...only Monokuma knew about this place? What if this location is not on any map? What if...no one is coming to rescue us? Kaede: Huh? K1-B0: Maybe...we'll just be forgotten, and no one will ever find us again... Kaede: D-Don’t say that! Besides, we should be trying to escape, not waiting for someone to rescue us! K1-B0: Y-Yes...I apologize. I was overthinking things. It would be impossible to discreetly construct a facility such as this in the first place. Plus, if the professor knew I was missing, he would not rest until he found me. With his technology, he would rescue us! No matter where on earth this place is! Kaede: Yeah... K1-B0: On the other hand...it *has* only been one day. As much as we'd love to go home right now, we must wait in a calm, dignified manner! (you need to talk to him a second time to get this line)   

This poor boy has thought himself into a tizzy and is looking to Kaede for some of that positive thinking that he’s not super great at. He goes from ‘good morning’ to ‘oh it’s nothing but I’m worried we’ll never be found :v’ in two seconds flat. Keebo DOESN’T SLEEP. He’s probably been overthinking all night! He has no trouble finding reasons to not worry once Kaede shakes him out of it, and once again shows us he thinks a great deal about the professor who made him. Look at him going all ‘we must wait calmly’ like it wasn’t just him having a miniature breakdown there. Keebs is fond of ‘we’. Not a shock, since Fitting In and being part of the group is kinda big deal for him. At breakfast he’s taken the whole ‘don’t worry’ thing to heart.

Gonta: But...when someone coming to get us? K1-B0: Whoever does...I assume they will come today. There's no need to worry. Rantaro: ...

he’s probably a bit over positive in thinking they’ll be rescued in a single day after Monokuma’s demise though. Logically they’re going to be saved, therefore it should be quick. Keebo kinda runs down bad logic paths like this to extremes instead of staying a middle ground. there’s levels between we’re all gonna be stuck forever and rescue today keebo.

Monokuma: After dying in a tragic car accident, I've been reborn as a Yo-Kai! Call me Jibakuma, kuma! K1-B0: Jibakuma...? Monokuma: From now on, I'm the headmaster of the Ultimate Academy, kuma! You might feel uncomfortable at first, but eventually you'll get used to it. 

Keebo’s the only one to even sort of play along. Considering he has everyone call him something other that his name, I can see him continuing to use ‘Jibakuma’ if Monokuma had kept up the bit for more than ten seconds :v audience stand in keebs always on standby if a bit is falling flat for the other participants. Next motive gets given, Kubs do their shitk with the one of a kind thing and Kaede: Of course! We never left! K1-B0: Why are you doing this!? How much suffering do you want to put us through!? Monokuma: I see... Well, if you're suffering, you all better hurry up and start the killing game. Puhuhu... then you can say bye-bye to the suffering.

monokuma is directly answering the audience at this point I swear. Keebs does do a decent amount of the ‘obvious protag questions’...it is kinda his job. It’s interesting in hindsight. Bears leave, panic happens.

Kaito: W-We can’t panic about something like this. I’ll...do something about it. K1-B0: ...Did you have a course of action in mind? Kaito: I'm...gonna start thinking of one right now!

Kaito is so salty about Keebo pointing out he has no actual plan that he doesn’t invite him to the ‘fight Monokuma’ meeting on the final day. (or doesn’t trust a robot/think he’d help after the manhole debacle.) Keebs, once again bringing down the mood with reality/ genuine questions he doesn’t think through very well. (And honestly Kaito’s whole believing in people thing is inherently illogical, so they don’t really see eye to eye...) They then discuss fighting back.

Ryoma: You're going to go against those machines barehanded? Isn't that too reckless? Tenko: B-But...we have to do it! If we don't, we'll die! K1-B0: Wait! We still have plenty of time to calculate all possible options— Korekiyo: We’ve no time to be indecisive. We are being urged to make a decision... To die fighting... Or die from the time limit.

That’s four members of the cut Keebo off club. :v Keebo might react in the moment, but when it comes to making a plan? Yeah he’d rather take the time to think over everything, but apparently that’s not an option here so he gets trampled over.

Kaede: Miu! You better not do anything shady, okay!? K1-B0: There is no need to worry, is there? No one is going to...kill anyone, right? Himiko: If someone is going to kill, they should just go for the robot. K1-B0: That's even worse!

It really isn’t Keebo’s day. Korekiyo goes right into talking about ‘why does everyone think killing is wrong’ here, no one goes ‘hey maybe don’t threaten the robot’. Poor guy hesitates to even say kill and then gets told he should die first and no one stands up for him. being keebo is suffering. People start leaving and Rantaro starts being Mysterious

Kaede: Ultimate Hunt? What is that...? I've never heard of it. K1-B0: What about it?  Rantaro: ...Nothing, forget it.

Curious robot is curious. That and is doing the whole protag thing again by following on weird unanswered questions, not that it goes anywhere this time. When you talk to him after Rantaro leaves, he’s still thinking about it.

K1-B0: That Ultimate Hunt Rantaro mentioned...what do you suppose it is? ...Any theories, Kaede? Kaede: I don't know... It's the first time I've heard of it... K1-B0: It sounds so...violent. It sounds like it involves us somehow...No, disregard that. Nobody has any clue what it could mean, so it is illogical to continue thinking about it. Our more pressing concern...is the current predicament we find ourselves in. Kaede: Yeah, you're right... K1-B0: We have until nighttime, two days from now... What should we do until then? (once again you need to talk to him a second time for this line.)

He’s pretty much on the right track, but dismisses it before he can drop into that overthinking spiral he was doing earlier in the day, and decides to refocus on the current problem, probably trying to be helpful again. Yet again, reason why is ‘it’s illogical’ to keep worrying about it. Of course, he doesn’t actually have any ideas here. Logic can only take you so far Keebs. He has nothing else to contribute until Free Time. If you chat to him in the first time slot...

K1-B0: A killing game... Why are we being forced to do such a thing? I cannot believe we're being subjected to this purely for the entertainment value!

Keebo has apparently found the script and read chapter six. oknotreally, he’s clearly basing this off the fact it’s called a game and Monokuma basically answered his ‘why are you doing this’ with ‘lolcuzican’, and can’t accept this as a valid reason. Yet he’s not gonna get another one! In time slot two he’s hanging out at the gym

K1-B0: I'm tired of everyone's prejudices! Yes, I'm a robot. But I'm also a high school student like everyone else, you know!?

Himiko literally said kill him first, I think he’s allowed to be a bit miffed about being treated differently. He’s still not arguing that he’s not different, but wants to be treated the same way the others are in ways they can be. sadly for Keebs he is this game’s easy target and he will not be getting a break ever and he needs a hug. Instead we’re going to make a mockery of him again when Shuichi recruits Kaede for operation ‘Get Miu to Make Stuff For Us’ as go near the Casino area.

Kaede: Morning Keebo. K1-B0: Ah, good morning. Your timing is impeccable. I have something I wish to ask you both. Shuichi: Huh? What is it, Keebo? K1-B0: What are your thoughts on this door? No matter how hard I try, it will not open... Kaede: Um, well...it doesn't seem like an exit... K1-B0: What do you think is on the other side of this wall? Kokichi: Why don’t you fly over and see for yourself? K1-B0: Whoa—!? Shuichi: K-Kokichi!? Kokichi: C’mon! I wanna see you fly! Robots have jet packs or whatever under their feet, right? K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Whaaat? You...don’t...? K1-B0: ...No, I don't. Kokichi: ...Have a dick? K1-B0: Wh-What are you talking about!? Kokichi: Oh yeah! If you had a jet pack... then you could've flown over the wall and called for help! K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Geeeez! You're just a huge disappointment, Keebo! K1-B0: ... Kaede: K-Keebo? K1-B0: ...I’m fine. Please just let it be. I...don't like sci-fi functions like flight. Kaede: But aren't you already pretty sci-fi? K1-B0: ... Kaede: Um...it might be better to leave them alone... 

Oh look a big semi important conversation. Keebo’s just asking questions again, he seems to put a lot of importance on what other people think over what he personally does. (he listens to a voice in his head that he knows isn’t himself. listening to other people first is probably preprogramed into him so he’s more malleable >> You can also take it as having a lot of doubts about himself.) Of course, neither Kaede or Shuichi can have any more idea than he does about the wall and what’s beyond it, but he’s asking anyway! Then Kokichi shows up and completely redirects the conversation to Keebo’s abilities again. And robot just can’t follow this! He knows he’s going to disappoint Kokichi ability wise again and clams up instead of stating yes or no clearly here, it takes a second nudge to get an answer. Honestly it reads like he feels bad that the reason he can’t fly is because of something he personally doesn’t like, so he’s unable to help again. He just assures Kaede he’s fine and then clams up again. He’s probably not fine! Like Kaede thinks, Keebo is..pretty sci-fi on his own, but he’s not elaborating on why he doesn’t like that sort of thing. It makes him stand out too much, it makes him less ‘like everyone else’ is probably a safe bet though. And all of this is completely missable dialogue :v In free time slot three he’s in the B classroom alone.

K1-B0: ...Tsumugi just asked me if I can perform a "rocket punch." Why does everyone automatically assume that robots have a rocket punch function!? I don't have a violent function like that! 

it’s a common robot trope, but keebo doesn’t know this, apparently. But hey, bonus reafirrming that Keebo would consider rocket punching violent, and probably doesn’t have any other similar features. Nor does he want any. (For now.) In time slot 4, the final one...

K1-B0: ...At this rate, the time limit will expire before we know it. We must take action somehow... 

He’s worried again! That, and still using ‘we’. Killing someone and only looking out for himself isn’t an option here. He does have good reason to be worried though, if you swing on by to talk to Himiko at this time... Himiko: The time limit is tomorrow night... Maybe...we should kill the robot? Kaede: That's just a joke...right? 

seriously himiko you’re a jerk. I get it, you’re magic and he’s all science and wouldn’t buy a magic trick for a second but you have seen him around for a few days now and are just calling him ‘the robot’ and saying someone should kill him!  For the second time! At least he’s not in the room this time but come on! Himiko clearly has a division between human life and Keebo’s life, and she’s going to stay that way, Which, fair enough, a human can value human life over other forms of life (and guess what we usually do) but...he’s literally sitting and talking with you guys and in the exact same boat. He’s closer to human than a lot of things... After this free time we don’t see him at all until it’s corpse time. So I’ll throw down his Kaede FTEs now. With all the options. As I’m nuts.

K1-B0: If you have come to talk to me...that can only mean you are interested in me, right Kaede? I certainly do not mind. After all, I am the Ultimate Robot. Naturally, I will attract interest. Kaede: Yeah, I've never talked to such a human-like robot before... Well, any robot, really. Hey, if you don't mind... Can I ask you a question? K1-B0: By all means, ask me anything. Oh, but I cannot answer any questions about the technology used to create me. Kaede: Don't worry, I won't ask anything too difficult! Okay, first question...do you sleep at night? K1-B0: I have no need for sleep. However, it is necessary to recharge my power cells. Kaede: Oh, so you recharge! K1-B0: Yes, but I am still conscious while I recharge, so it's not quite the same as human sleep...A single charge generates a week's worth of power, so I don't need to do it very often. Kaede: Ooh, for one week, I see... I always assumed robots needed a lot of electricity. K1-B0: That's what's so incredible about me! My energy efficiency is truly incomparable! Kaede: Hmmm... K1-B0: ...That's it? Kaede: Huh? Was he expecting me to be more excited? To be honest, it's not *that* amazing... May I ask you another question, then? K1-B0: Yes, go ahead... Kaede: Do you eat? K1-B0: ...No... Kaede: Huh? He looks pretty down... Sorry, did I say something wrong? K1-B0: No, I'm sorry too...Though I cannot eat, food still looks delicious to me. The unfairness of it all pains me... Kaede: Yeah, that seems pretty rough. Do you like girls? K1-B0: ...Huh? Kaede: Are you attracted to human girls? Or do you prefer female robots? K1-B0: Are you suggesting...that robots should stick with their own kind? Kaede: I didn't mean it like that! I was just curious! Honest! K1-B0: Then...are you saying...that you...and me...? Kaede: Th-That's not it, either! K1-B0: ...Of course. I apologize for being overly self-conscious. I have never felt romantic attraction, so I cannot answer questions on that subject. Kaede: How do you feel about the Roomba? K1-B0: You mean...the disc-shaped cleaning robot that scoots along the floor Kaede: Yeah, that! Do you see them as, like, younger siblings or something? K1-B0:  ...Kaede, it's very robophobic to suggest that robots are only good for cleaning. You should know that I am completely different from that simple machine. Kaede: But you guys are basically the same, more or less...so I was just wondering K1-B0: That does not matter. If I am comparable to a human, that thing is comparable to a microbe. Kaede: But compared to Roombas, you're losing in the popularity department. K1-B0: Why, that's—! Kaede: I'm kidding! Really! K1-B0: Krgh...! Human jokes are rather vexing...! Kaede: I continued to ask Keebo some questions... Well, that's all! Thanks for answering them, Keebo! K1-B0: Yes, of course...You're the first person to ask me so many questions, one after the other. Kaede: Oh! Was I being too forward? K1-B0: No, that's not what I meant. I just thought......being treated like that isn't so bad. It's actually...kind of fun.

hooboy that’s a lot. Robot is just looking for some validation and is not gonna get it in the ways he thinks he should! One week battery life is incredibly impressive but Kaede sure doesn’t think so, or care to know why that is. She is pretty nice though, overall. Oh and the fact Keebo has a built in company secrets thing is kinda funny. Maybe that’s why he’s garbage with computers, he can’t blab if he doesn’t know jack :v. Mostly we just reconfirm that Keebo is pretty bad at talking to people and probably hasn’t met all that many. He also takes the ‘liking girl’s question really badly and backpedals into being offended when really he just doesn’t have an answer at all. Since he doesn’t know what love is. He actually apologizes for freaking out here, so apparently getting touchy is just his default reaction. :p You can see when he actually has time to explain why he doesn’t like a thing he’ll actually do so, and seems more reasonable when he can. Of course he doesn’t like being compared to something that scoots along, doesn’t think and cleans. They’re both robots, but really not on the same level...and Keebo isn’t quite sure how he’s going to handle that. He says it’s rude to say they’re only good for cleaning...but you can kind of tell he mostly means in relation to himself/robots as intelligent as he is. So instead he just sounds weird and inconsistent...and robophobic himself considering he thinks he’s better than other robots :v Even if it is a joke...Kaede is probably right about the roombas being more popular than Keebs. Also who the heck made him think food looks good when he can’t eat. That’s just mean.

Kaede’s blurb about him for the FTE is pretty positive too, when you see Shuichi’s they’re quite different. (Though their rank one FTEs are INCREDIBLY SIMILAR. because this is how Keebo introduces himself to people. By assuming they want to know about him and flailing. aka terribly. this poor robot. he’s probably only met other people interested in robotics before now.) So we move to FTE 2, where Kaede shows she’s an impulsive little imp when she wants to be!

Kaede: I'm chatting with Keebo again today, but... K1-B0: ...Kaede, is something troubling you? Kaede: N-No! It's nothing.  To be honest, something's been bothering me, and I can't really focus on our conversation.There's a button on Keebo's neck... What does it do? It's calling out to me... I wanna push the button! *thud* K1-B0: Hm? What was that sound? Kaede: Whatever that sound was, it occurred at the exact right time...Because when Keebo turned around, his neck was completely defenseless...Oh, god! The button is like screaming, "Don't push me! Don't push me!" But I'm definitely gonna push the button! *click!* 

(great job you broke him kaede. they do a ... back and forth like five times, just stare at it for a bit.) No reaction...? Keebo!? I called his name and circled around him... K1-B0: ... Kaede: Whaaaaat!? Keebo was completely frozen! Like a toy out of batteries...M-Maybe that was the emergency stop button!? Wh-What should I do!? Maybe if I push it again, it'll fix him...? Hoping that was the case, I pressed the button again. *click!* K1-B0: ... Kaede: ... K1-B0:  Wha—!? Kaede, why are you in front of me? Weren't you behind me earlier? A-And why are you so close to me? Kaede: I-I'm so glad... You're back to normal... K1-B0: Huh? What do you mean? Kaede: U-Um...well, I noticed a button on your neck, so I pushed it K1-B0: What—!? You discovered this button!? Kaede: I-I'm so sorry! It was tempting me! Was that the emergency stop button? K1-B0: ...Yes. It's there just in case my AI or essential functions encounter problems. Kaede: I didn't know you had such a function... K1-B0: Kaede...you know my secret now... Kaede: I-If it's a secret, then you should've hid it better! K1-B0: But what good is an emergency button that cannot be easily found in an emergency? Kaede: But there are people who might push it for fun...like me... K1-B0: ...That's true. I will forward your feedback to the professor when we get out of here. Kaede: Yeah, good idea... K1-B0: But...Kaede, that means you will have influenced my design. Which means you will have played a role in my creation. Kaede: Huh? You're exaggerating. K1-B0: It's no exaggeration. If Professor Idabashi can be considered my "father"...Then you, Kaede, will be my "mother." So I shall call you mom. Kaede: M-M-Mom!? What!? K1-B0: ...That was a joke. Kaede: U-Um... K1-B0: It's payback for messing with my body. You deserve at least that much. Kaede: Ha...hahaha... I'm so sorry, Keebo. A robot making a joke... That's pretty cool. The title of Ultimate Robot really suits him. K1-B0: Um, Kaede... Do you think you can keep that button a secret from everyone? Kaede: Yeah, don't worry. Kokichi definitely can't find out about his button. That would be a huge problem...

Keebo spends a good chunk of his own FTE completely frozen up :v That, and Keebo has this collar covering nearly all of his neck and half of his face! How did you get to it? Or are you calling the collar his neck. He’s probably had to deal with literally getting his buttons pushed before, but Kaede does apologize so he seems more okay with it than he’d usually be. (Really as long as you say sorry he’s generally okay...he wants you to like him.) Also, having that button probably isn’t a ton of fun, even if it’s important. He was completely unaware of what happened and a bit disoriented because of it. Yet he still has time to defend the professor about the placement of the stop button. (As I seriously doubt he had any say in where it is, Kaede! Don’t go pushing random buttons on people!) The fact he gets back at her with an attempt at a joke this time is pretty cute, considering he just previously said jokes are difficult for him. He’s learning! That and the fact both of them instantly go ‘Kokichi must never know’ is just ‘yes, hilarious.’ He’s pretty lucky she keeps it secret and no one else finds out. As an aside, Kaede can ask Rantaro what she thinks of people, and Keebo is an option.

Rantaro: Nah, it's nothing. By the way, who's the most...unique person here, in your eyes? Kaede:  Keebo... Rantaro: Being a robot is interesting enough that his personality barely matters. But you know, I think Keebo is on our side... Kaede: What do you mean, on our side? Rantaro: Have you ever heard of the Three Laws of Robotics? The long and short of it is...robots can't harm people. If Keebo's creator was a good scientist, he would have programmed that into Keebo's AI. We're all human, so we can assume that he's on our side...Of course, I'm just guessing

He probably wouldn’t appreciate his personality not having to matter, but Rantaro basically seems to trust Keebo here. Because he’s a robot :v Unfortunately, he doesn’t trust him enough to let him in on the survivor perk thing...he probably would have lived if Keebo came along to his ill advised library search. It’s much harder to sneak up on two people with a shot putt ball. speaking of shot putt balls, time to get past the part where he dies. Since Keebs is hiding out his room, he gets summoned by the body discovery announcement.

He doesn’t get it, and understandably panics a little, and doesn’t really interact with anyone, they’re all doing their own expressions of dismay. Miu’s does come after his though. What finally gets him talking again? Being worried he won’t be much help.

Kirumi: Do not fret. Just imagine this as something out of a police drama or detective manga. Right, Shuichi? Shuichi: R-Right... K1-B0: I'm in trouble... I've never watched police dramas or read detective manga! Korekiyo: Well...there's no need to think so hard. We need only converse with the corpse... A corpse is not simply a dead person. That is just an assumption made by the living. Yes! By coming face to face with the corpse, you will learn a great many things! (yes that is it exactly.)

Really though, how long has Keebo been ‘alive’? He’s never so much as looked at entire genre even once? You had time for the entire history of stand up and didn’t look at detectives? Shuichi taking charge a little does get him a bit more positive though.

K1-B0: As novice investigators, logic dictates that we work together rather than give in to paranoia.

Teamwork makes the dream work :v He also goes ahead and does the protagonist thing again here.

Kaede: We’ll all escape from here! I’ll make sure of it! K1-B0: So, let's get started. 

He’s the first one to say ‘okay let’s do the thing.’ He’s also the first to react when Kaede says...

Kaede: The mastermind killed Rantaro... K1-B0: ...Mastermind? I’m sorry, what are we talking about?

Asking clarifying questions is Keebo’s part time job at this rate. Most of the other characters have no idea what Kaede is going on about here! This exchange is ten times funnier when you know Kaede is actually right, Tsumugi’s sprite is on screen when she says this and everything. Keebo also trusts Monophanie at her word when it comes to developing the camera film.

K1-B0: And she said she had to follow the rules, so I don’t think she’d destroy evidence. 

He doesn’t say how he thinks very often! Though in this case he’s probably speaking from experience...he’s a robot too, and might have rules he absolutely has to follow. (Such as not talking about how he was created.) Gonta is the other one who trusts her...but Gonta is kind of a sweetheart that trusts almost anyone so :v. Angie also sort of does? But really, the ones who trust are all in the ‘probably not taken seriously’ camp. He continues to be a team player during the investigation.

Kirumi: I do not intend to offer a suggestion that would further arouse suspicion, but... K1-B0: No, that's logical! Please speak your mind, Kirumi! Kaito: It's not something you should be proud to say... but I guess we don't have a choice. After all, if we don't find out who the culprit is, we'll all be killed. 

Keebs with the logic train again, with Kaito there going ‘I Do Not Like’, seeing as it’s kinda hard to believe in your friends while suspecting them. He almost seems to be chastising Keebo here, since he’s unapologetically for the ‘stick in groups’ plan. Of course robot lad knows someone is dead, someone here had to have done it, taking all precautions therefore is only being sensible. In the investigation proper he hangs out in the classroom they kept watch in with Korekiyo, since he actually listens when they say stay in groups.

K1-B0: Kaede, Shuichi! I would like to ask you two a question! You were on lookout inside this classroom, right? Kaede: Yeah. From here, we could keep an eye on the basement, and it was close to the library, too. Shuichi: That’s our alibi. We were both in this classroom when the murder occurred. K1-B0: I see... Then the probability that you two committed the crime is extremely low... By the way...were you two together the entire time? Shuichi: No...I did leave for a bit to see what was happening in the basement. But besides that, we were together the whole time, until the receiver went off. Kaede: Y-Yeah, that's right... K1-B0: ...I understand. Thank you very much. Kaede: Is that all you wanted to ask? K1-B0 Oh, may I ask you one more question? Specifically, about that vent... It appears to be connected to this classroom. The air duct in the basement hallway leads to it... Shuichi: Yes, I was also concerned about this vent... That’s why we kept watch in this classroom. Kaede: Because the culprit wouldn't be able to use this vent if we're in here on lookout. K1-B0: Under those circumstances, it would be difficult to sneak into the library from here. Shuichi: Kaede stacked up books in front of the library vent as well. With those in the way, it would be even harder for someone to go in and out. K1-B0: Really? I will be sure to save that important piece of information to my memory bank. I hope my line of questioning has not offended either of you. It is necessary, so that we may find the truth. Kaede: Keebo, you totally sounded like a detective or a lawyer just now! Oh! Maybe you were a detective or a lawyer in a past life!

Keebo does not appreciate your absolute nonsense Kaede. Even if you’re meaning it as a complement. He’s trying pretty hard, noticing the vent and asking for alibis and trying to puzzle out what happened. He is of course, pretty wrong about these two being unlikely culprits for being here since he hasn’t considered how the murder occurred, but he’s already admitted to not being good at this. He even apologizes for being rude, he’s so worried about making people not like him! Yet he still gets prickly about the robot thing, but really Kaede should we be talking about past lives when there’s a smashed avocado downstairs at this very moment?

Kaede: Hey Keebo, what were you doing and where during the body discovery announcement?  K1-B0: Ah... My alibi.  ... ... (we get his glitching out sprite here :v) Kaede: ...Um, are you glitching right now? K1-B0: No, I'm just searching for the right words. In all honesty I was alone in my room, so I admit my alibi is not altogether reliable... Kaede: So...you don't have an alibi? K1-B0: But Ryoma said he was alone in his room, too. Kaede: Geez, way to throw him under the bus K1-B0:  Huh!? Th-That was not my intention! Kaede: But I see... Both Keebo and Ryoma don't have an alibi... That means, it's possible one of those two is the mastermind... K1-B0: Umm... Am I under suspicion because I don't have an alibi? Kaede: No... I won't suspect you just because you don't have an alibi. And I’m not saying that because you’re a robot or anything! I’m not robophobic at all! K1-B0: Thank you very much. But...you don't need to be so PC. 

Don’t throw Ryomas under busses. Though this is more of ‘I’m stating a fact’ and not really thinking how that comes off again. Well, really you should be under suspicion Keebo, but Kaede already knows who the culprit is and is trying to make you feel better since you’re clearly anxious about it. So she leans into your weak point...and you tell her it’s fine and she doesn’t need to do that. Now is that because her outright saying she not a robophobe makes you feel silly, or are you so worried about inconveniencing your friends you’re just automatically downgrading the importance of your feelings? keebo doesn’t know what he wants. So who’s the one to ask the protagonist about the last bit of evidence they get?

K1-B0: ...Kaede! Are those the developed photos?

zero points for guessing designated audience insert. I have a question and wish to ask it is just how he rolls, especially early on when everyone needs time to talk.

K1-B0: There is one more photo of the front entrance, correct? 

as you see.  A+ for consistency.

Kaede: The camera pointed at the front entrance only snapped these four photos... K1-B0: Neither Rantaro nor anyone else who could be the culprit are in the photos... Ryoma: Did they both enter through the back door, then? 

Adding his two cents, though he’s basically stating the obvious. Hmm. Is it really his two cents when he’s just making factual comments? Ryoma’s the one who actually moves the thought to the next question that needs to be answered.

Ryoma: Could the culprit have gone into the hidden door? K1-B0: Yes, that is a possibility. Korekiyo: For now, let us see the next picture. There is one remaining, isn't there? 

Validating other people’s assumptions but not adding any of his own here.  

Shuichi: But that would mean that Rantaro noticed it... He saw...our hidden camera... K1-B0: Moving the bookcase triggers the sensor, which in turn activates the camera, right? The bookcase appears to have already been moved, so why did the sensor activate...? Tenko: Who cares!? What happened to the culprit!? How come they're not in any of the photos!? 

Tenko, Keebo cares. That’s why he asked.  He’s either not quite understanding how the sensor works...or he’s pointing out the bookcase has moved more than it should have to trigger the sensor a second time. So we know someone came out of the mastermind lair when Rantaro got distracted by the flash. We will never touch on this again! We know the door can automatically close, but it’s in the exact same position despite the camera interval timers. this is probably just oversight but it is kind of funny to think this could have been a giveaway.

Kaede: We just need to expose the mastermind in this class trial! And then everything, including this killing game...will come to an end. K1-B0: Yes, that's right.

Gotta stick to those safe tiny bits of encouragement eh Keebs? even if he’s wrong

K1-B0: I'm sorry, I can't even posit a guess as to who the culprit might be...But I haven't given up! I assure you, we will avenge Rantaro!

‘I have nothing useful to add, so I’m going to use odd words and restate my willingness to help.’ The choice of ‘avenge’ is pretty interesting though. Keebs isn’t big on violence, and we’re not going to be avenging Rantaro with a song and dance number here, we’re gonna get someone else dead. Perhaps we’re getting a tiny peek at the ends justify the means Keebo who only really gets to come out to play in chapter six. or he’s just mimicking the other’s sentiments and not thinking too hard about what avenging would mean :v

Keade: An...elevator? K1-B0: Does he want us to board it?

protagsaskstupidquestions.txt

K1-B0: This is an authentic replica of a courtroom

No it’s not! Well maybe it is in ronpa world. oh god does he know what they look like because he was literally built for this. is this why he threatens with lawsuits.

Tenko: First, let's breathe in! And breathe out! We need to remember our "No, No, No's"! “No pushing! No running! No talking!” K1-B0: But communication is the foundation of any discussion!

The human is confusing me, and we’ve been here for like five seconds. He can’t think of a good way to start, so he’s stuck just pointing out things that might be problems, such as not talking :v

Ryoma: The mastermind, huh? Odds are, it's one of us... Kokichi: It's Kee-boy over here! Everyone else thinks so too! K1-B0: D-Does everyone really think that...!? Kaede: We'll get to the bottom of this... 

He can instantly buy into the idea that everyone suspects him. Even when it’s coming from Kokichi. Kaede sort of denies it, but this poor boy. He’s trying so hard and wants to do his best but has no trouble at all going ‘yeah everyone doubts me’. Maybe that’s a protag thing, with how Shuichi freaks out when you present the wrong evidence :v (THEY’LL THINK I’M A FRAUD)

Kaede: Because, Rantaro didn't have the card key to open the hidden door. You'd think the mastermind would have that card key on him, right? K1-B0: Perhaps the culprit took the card key after killing Rantaro? Shuichi: But none of the pictures show Rantaro holding the card key. So I don't really think he had the key at all

Time for Keebo to make little logical guesses and generally be wrong, since this is Kaede and Shuichi’s trial to run. Someone’s gotta double down on Rantaro possibly being the mastermind I suppose. 

Ryoma: To lure Rantaro to the library...and kill him K1-B0: Does that mean the culprit and the mastermind are one in the same? Korekiyo: Hmm... That does seem plausible. It’s very likely the mastermind knew about Kaede and Shuichi’s trap. Kaede: The mastermind knew about our trap this whole time?

Yes, but actually no. Ryoma, Keebo and Korekiyo are absolutely correct here, even though we won’t be getting the correct answer. It’s kind of impressive that the ‘real world’ protag and his Investigation Buddy have the actual right answer here. (Kiyo and Keebs were together after all). Ryoma’s showing up a lot near Keebo’s dialogue too :v The most unexpected trio ever.

K1-B0: So you knew nothing about the trap in the library? Miu: I'm tellin' ya, I had no idea! Not like it matters...cuz I never went to the library, okay!? Ryoma: The person who made the cameras...would've known their blind spots, too.

Keebo Ryoma tag team...to get the agree statement Kaede needs. I don’t think Keebo has really talked to Miu beyond her calling him pathetic once still.

Ryoma: Cool your jets, kid. Korekiyo: Tsumugi and Kirumi were both in the dining hall as well. K1-B0: We can dismiss those four as potential culprits if they were together the entire time. Korekiyo: No...not the entire time. At one point, Tsumugi went to the restroom. Tsumugi: Oh...so you brought that up after all...It's true. I went to the restroom closest to the dining hall.

I really didn’t notice how often these guys are paired together but now I keep seeing them. Kiyo corrects Keebo like a good Investigation Buddy and brings up a damning clue even. THAT WE WON”T USE AAAAA

Tenko: I would never punch a foe from behind! A true aikido master would never do something so dishonorable! K1-B0: Punching is permitted in aikido!? Tenko: Yes! Neo-Aikido even uses wooden swords! Maki: All you've proven is that you're an idiot.

A distraction conversation in the mass panic debate, but the fact Keebo is so baffled here is funny to me. I suppose he’d be more interested in self defense styles like aikido. Gonta also mentions  ‘ Not person... Robot? Like Keebo? ‘ when talking to Angie. Keebo Is Not A Person is a pretty common sentiment in the class :v

Tsumugi: The A/V Room's sliding door doesn't open, so you can't get into the hallway. K1-B0: If you cannot enter the hallway, how would you open the rear door to the library? Kirumi: Although you cannot fit your whole body through the sliding door, an arm would suffice. It would be possible if you used a particular item in the A/V Room.

Keebo doesn’t talk a ton in this trial because Lots Of People need screentime, but here he is to ask more questions now that we’ve moved past the correct culprit and are moving on to the ‘acceptable’ culprit. He continues to follow Kirumi’s logic path after this exchange too.

Kirumi: Yes, the act of throwing a shot put ball could lead one to use it as a weapon. K1-B0: Even if a person couldn't fit through the space, a shot put ball certainly would.

He doesn’t see the contradiction Kaede does in the whole open bookcase thing, after all. So he’s just helping in making Gonta look suspicious.

Kokichi: Yup! A walking, talking Roomba can't compare to a mighty beast like Gonta! K1-B0: That Roomba remark...is probably not about me, as l have a variety of custodial functions.

Yes, I’m sure everyone totally believes he believes that. While your rebuttal is ‘i can do lots of types of cleaning over a roomba’. This robot, I swear. I tell Kaede off for assuming robots should just need to clean but to prove myself to Kokichi I will talk about how good I am at cleaning things. (Amusing, Kaede apparently magically remembers this, she brings up Keebo’s cleaning function in one of her Salmon mode library dates :v) Also: Kokichi proving to himself that he can derail the robot REALLY EASILY if he wants to be distracting in trials. Keebo doesn’t participate again until another robot crack sets him off. 

Tsumugi: We don't even know if they're a guy or not, though, right? Himiko: Or if they're even human... K1-B0: Are you referring to me?

Himiko doesn’t like you Keebo, I’m sorry. Who else could she be referring to? The fact Tsumugi is saying this to Kaito’s ‘culprit should man up and confess’ thing though? Ha

Angie: The culprit was hiding in the library the whole time, before Kaede and Shuichi even placed the cameras. K1-B0: Where would they have hidden? Angie: Inside the hidden door! Ryoma: So you’re sayin’ the culprit was lyin’ in wait there? Korekiyo: If that's true, the suspects...are those who were alone at time of the incident.

Oh look, Keebo is talking when proof of the real culprit shows up, and asks the question that brings up that proof. Angie’s right! Kiyo is going a bit too far in suspecting Keebo and Ryoma here, but they’d be on the right track if it wasn’t for that chalk dust in the card reader :v 

Kirumi: So the real question is how the culprit entered and exited the library. K1-B0: We cannot continue until we address that problem first! Korekiyo: It’s quite the mystery. How did the killer avoid being caught by the cameras?

He’s helping a little here in making sure the discussion stays on this topic, but Investigation Buddy Kiyo is the one doing the work again. Keebs, you are really showing your inner Makoto :v

Miu: Eureka! I know how the culprit got in the library-- the front door! K1-B0: Um... Have you been paying attention? The camera would've taken their picture. Miu: Not if the culprit timed their movements around the camera intervals!

He’s so exasperated by her by saying something that goes against hard evidence/logic. He hasn’t even considered such a thing like camera intervals. He’s pretty bad about thinking of stuff that goes against ‘facts’. Sadly we won’t get more robot sass for a bit. But hey, we got some.

Miu: The three cameras that Kaediot and Poo-ichi placed go off when they pick up movement. From there, it takes 30 seconds for the film to auto-roll to the next photo. K1-B0: So, for 30 seconds, anyone could've entered the library without their photo being taken!? Kirumi: That may have been enough time to kill Rantaro and exit the library...

Thank you for summarizing for the audience Keebo, I think they figured that out. He’s perfectly happy to work with Miu even if he was just snarking at her for not paying attention. She just needed a logical reason and now he’s on board, no problems. This is probably the first non-aggressive/in agreement bit the two have, depending on how you read their other interactions.

Korekiyo: I see. Then he caused the receiver to go off in front of Kaede to trick her. Shuichi: ... K1-B0: It's certainly plausible, considering that Shuichi knew about the intervals.

Ryoma, since the receiver trick is his idea is the one who gets Keebo on the Suspecting Shuichi bandwagon. The fact Kiyo talks right before he decides it’s plausible is just amusing. He keeps following them, but doesn’t seem very sure. He doesn’t join in for the following debate.

Kaede: So that’s why there’s no way Shuichi could’ve turned off the receiver! Shuichi: ... K1-B0: If that is true, then the entire premise of the argument thus far is wrong... Kirumi: Is this true, Kaede?

He doesn’t actually ask if it’s true, just what it would mean if it was. I’m not sure if I’d rather take it as he doesn’t really buy it or not, she doesn’t seem like a great liar, but Keebo is pretty garbage at reading things. I don’t really think be buys it yet personally (he does later once hearing ‘why would I lie’), that why he doesn’t want to ask, but I can see it being the other way, in he does completely and he’s bummed that they’re back to square one.

Korekiyo: Or perhaps...you wanted to cover for Shuichi, even at the cost of your life. Shuichi: ...Huh?

Kokichi: Words from a true heartless robot! Emotions are only for meatbags! K1-B0: That is a harmful stereotype. I can produce heartfelt remarks through calculations! Tsumugi: Like "less than three"? Those kinds of calculations?

Mugi’s just here to dunk on a robot. Keebo is actually showing how different he is from everyone here. Even though he’s a big team player, he can’t fathom why someone would risk death for a lie for someone else. Kokichi is going to give Keebo a real life example someday, but it seems like Keebo is a tiiiny bit selfish here, or really just very lonely. He doesn’t have a strong enough relationship with anyone to make this idea seem possible, that and he’s not much of a liar. It’s not a shock Kokichi jumps on him here to try and figure out if this is just a shortcoming or Keebo just doesn’t feel much in general, but Keebo’s angry response probably clued him in. Even if he needs to clarify he’s doing so via calculations. Maybe you;re a bit too honest, Keeboy. (Also, given what we learn in his third FTE, a bit strange. His previous self killed himself over risking hurting the professor again...but perhaps he’s not counting that because it’s not a lie?) Either way, he’s taking Kaede’s lie as 100% truth at this point.

Miu: So we all agree that Poo-ichi did it!? Then let's just vote already! K1-B0: No, I think it’s too soon to determine the culprit. Tsumugi: Umm...I agree. I sort of can't believe that Shuichi is the culprit.

mugi i swear to god you just love flaunting don’t you. Keebo’s the first to go ‘actually let’s not die killing tthe wrong person’, so good for him. Against Miu, again. you two have a rocky start huh.

Ryoma: If Shuichi had the receiver, it could have been disguised. K1-B0: Kaede is the one who actually had the receiver!

Robot is gonna be the one taking the lie in the debate scrum and using it as a weapon. She said she didn’t lie, it is a fact now, and he’s sticking with it. He really flip flops on how much he wants to trust people. I think he wants to trust everyone generally, but then he gets in that logic zone and starts being suspicious again. Thaaat and the voice in his head often probably tells him to get off the logic track and believe. He listens to it when he ‘doesn’t know what to do’, and let’s be real Keebo is almost in a constant state of ‘what do’. The less confident he is, the more likely he’s going to be nudged into being trusting...

Kaito: Whoa! The brightness is totally different! K1-B0: Same room, circumstance, and camera. And yet, there is a disparity in brightness...

Reiterating and expanding on what Kaito said here, but he’s letting Shuichi explain it instead of trying to do so himself. It’s this sort of thing that makes me think his confidence is incredibly fragile >>

Shuichi: ...Kaede is the culprit. K1-B0: Huh!?

Keebo has identified the new protagonist and is now reacting to them first instead of False Protagonist. I suppose it makes sense he’s first to react a decent chunk of the time...he does have a computer for a brain. Quick on the update, sometimes. Not that he knows what to say beyond being baffled.

Shuichi: How Kaede killed Rantaro with the shot put ball...should become clear when you consider where she used it. K1-B0: Where she used the shot put ball?

Keebo you were in the room and pointed out the vent, come on buddy. but i was serious about how he’s figured out who he should be listening to most closely again.

Shuichi: ...She rolled it. She rolled the shot from the first floor classroom and hit Rantaro. K1-B0: I am skeptical that she could perform such a feat of accuracy...

see? Of course in his confusion the thing he personally investigated has just dropped right out of his hard drive. :v It does egg Shuichi on so he’ll continue explaining. It’s his show now. To the point Keebo stays silent until we get to Kaede’s motivations.

Shuichi: You weren’t persuaded by Monokuma...and you weren't trying to save yourself. What you were trying to do...was kill the mastermind! K1-B0: Kill...the mastermind? Shuichi:  Kaede wasn't targeting Rantaro. She was targeting the mastermind. She was trying to end this killing game... She was trying to save us all. ...Isn't that right, Kaede?

Keebo just loves to pretend to be Solid Snake. He’s been really quiet otherwise, this isn’t a good time. Kaede was one of the friendliest people to him, too.

Kaede: ... K1-B0: Kaede, what would possess you to do something like this?

Even after hearing how it played out (well, everyone thinks it played out) he still doesn’t get it. She did it to kill the mastermind, but he just can’t see why you’d ever take such a step. Maybe he wants to hear it from her, but it’s still a gut punch.

Kaede: I felt like if I didn't do this, then Rantaro's death would have been meaningless. K1-B0: We were searching for both the culprit and the mastermind during this class trial. Angie: Ah, Kaede did mention that.

What can you say to something like that? His death is ‘meaningless’ in a way, but the truth about him will come about later. (too bad keebo’s is the MOST meaningless) Keebo just chooses to stick to stating the facts, as if that’ll help it make more sense. Not that it probably does. He still has questions.

K1-B0: But, Kaede, why did you set such a convoluted trap? If your intent was to kill the mastermind, there was no reason for you to cover your tracks. Kaito: Isn't it obvious? It's because...she didn't want Shuichi to know.

Kaito is way better at figuring out people’s motivations, especially if driven by emotion. Keebo’s question is sensible...but it is probably rather obvious to everyone else there. He’s accepted she killed with a reason, though we don’t know if he thinks it was a good reason. Being tricked like this...it couldn’t have been good for anyone. He doesn’t stand up to the Exisals. He’s not going to throw his life away.

Kaede: Even after I'm gone...my wish will still be here. So I’m counting on you all! I’m entrusting my wish to every one of you! I believe in you! I believe that you all will make it through this, somehow! You guys better live! Don't go dying on me now! End this ridiculous killing game, survive, and get the hell out of this place! And then...be friends after you escape, okay? I think you’ll all be the best of friends. K1-B0: Affirmative, Kaede...

He will agree to try and make her wish come true. (before everyone else. he’s quick on the draw for this kind of thing.) Of course...no one takes her death well.

A horrible mess Keebo, a horrible mess. Of course, he can still pull himself together if a question needs to be asked.

Monokuma: ...Hate you? Puhuhu...who can say? That's your job to figure out. If you really wanna know what's going on, you're gonna have to work for it. ...Though the corpse formerly known as Rantaro may have had a hunch. Gonta: ...Huh? K1-B0: What do you mean? What was Rantaro's hunch? Monokuma: Puhuhu... What, indeed?

Posing for the camera, that bear. Unfortunately, Keebo doesn’t really pursue what Rantaro’s hunch might have been...or if he does, Shuichi isn’t around to see him do it. Or maybe he mentions it in a one off line and I’ve forgotten. We’ll see.

Tenko: Wh-what kinda d-degenerate male... cries in p-public...? It’s so r-rude... Keebo: But, Tenko, you're crying too. Ryoma: Now's not the time to point that out, Keebo. Just let it be.

Ryoma’s a good guy, he’s figured out Keebo doesn’t really mean anything by it, and he’s genuinely confused by Tenko’s illogical statement. No mockery or anything, just tells him to let it go for now. Of course he’s trying to get more easily answered questions figured out when you’re stuck dealing with ones like ‘why did Kaede have to die’, ‘why did it have to be so cruel’ or ‘what secrets do we know nothing about’. He’d rather be distracted right now.

Kaito: Clench your teeth! K1-B0: Kaito! You are supposed to say that *before* you hit him!

An easy fact that can be applied, so he speaks up. He’ll be speaking up when Kaito does a repeat performance later, too. Kaito and Keebo get on each others case sometimes :v But now it’s Keebo’s turn to be a bit insensitive. 

Shuichi: ...I'm fine.

Gonta: Gonta not sure it waste of time. But Gonta agree, fighting not good...

That was a pretty emotional moment between people mourning a lost one with Kaito trying to get Shuichi to stand up and fight back annnnnd Keebo’s calling it a waste of time. Oooof, he is bad at people. Gonta disagrees, though to Keebo it’s logically just a waste. He can’t see what they’re gaining here, or the point of fighting between friends like this. We know in hindsight that Shuichi kind of needs this, but our robot pal doesn’t. That, and violence is never really entering his acceptable solution list. Not yet.

Shuichi: Sorry, you should go ahead without me... K1-B0: ...Why? Is there a reason you wish to stay in a place like this? Shuichi: I want to be alone for a while. Just for a little bit.

must...respond...to...protagonist...Cannot understand why you want to stay in the place Kaede just died and you got punched in. Shuichi kinda gives a non answer, but Keebo doesn’t press. Probably because he’s not going to understand the answer anyway. That’s in for chapter one!

Why did I do this? Cus I’m in the mood to replay it and I am going to babble about my favourite who deserves better. The other kids a bit too, I do like them all but mostly the robot lad.

Also congratulations if you got this far, you’re just as nuts as I am! please share your own hot takes/ things you just realized from all the quotes shoved in here. I probably should have worked on my fanfics instead of doing this :v (I have a bunch on Keebo as Verl on A03, if you are like ‘yeas i want more ravings from this mad being’) ...I’ll be back with Chapter two later...

#danganronpa #drv3 #kiibo #keebo #k1-b0 #text #the longest of long posts #do you want to read Opinions on Robot for ages? #you're in luck #because i've got a lot of em #he's not boring he's fascinating aaaa

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #114

This is it! The last regular issue of this comic that I own!

I guess the changing of the guard leaving Arsenal in charge was the last straw for me. Or maybe the last straw was that Pantha's tail hole on her shorts never ripped so that I could see her butthole. One of those two reasons is definitely why I stopped buying this comic though. This issue is called "24 Hours" which makes me think of Gaiman's The Sandman which makes me think, "Why the fuck am I rereading this shit when I could be rereading that shit?!" Oh wait! I actually know the reason for this! It's because these Titans comic books were stored in a big old regular sized moving box that I wanted to get out of the way! Also I've reread The Sandman and I've never reread this. And since I'll be fifty in a little over two years, I should probably get all of the stupid time-wasting bullshit ideas out of my head now. Any writing projects I can't finish by the time I'm fifty, I'm abandoning. At that time, I'll just make up new ones that will only entertain me and a few other people. So if I've ever said anything in passing about something I was going to do, like finishing the Goggles Futures End story or my Fantastickal Fuck-Fighting Books, you'd better get your vote in now! The issue begins at midnight with Changeling getting his ass beat by a dark silhouette who claims Changeling promised to "end her living days." I don't know who that might be or why this is happening. With Zero Hour beginning right around this time, my comic books might become complete nonsense. I just have to hope the comic books involved in that non-crisis-labeled crisis will have "Zero Hour Tie-in" labels on the front. I probably don't understand what's going on in this one because Marv Wolfman is being artsy. And fuck if I know anything about art! I read comic books for a reason, people! At 1:10 AM, Starfire flies around wondering if Earth is really her home. Yes, it takes six panels for her to ask that question. But she's also being artsy in a poetic way! She uses phrases like "scarlet sea" and "delicious nectar" and "golden skies." It's almost as if somebody scoffed at Marv Wolfman when he mentioned he wrote comic books earlier in the week and he thought, "I'll show them!" Then he was all, "Hey! That issue by that new kid Gaiman was kind of artsy! It had those clocks that showed what time it is and the whole thing took place in only 24 hours and it was all filmed in real time although with all the cuts from one character to another, why did it even fucking matter? Oh wait, it's only 1994! I don't know who Jack Bauer is yet!" At 3:36 AM, Pantha breaks into somebody's apartment. Supposedly it's the person who changed her from a person into a cat or from a cat into a person. But it isn't so Pantha gets to scream in existential angst which is the only cathartic release available to those of us who know nothing has any meaning and all of our clothes need to be tailored so the tail can stick out of them. At 4:10 AM, Dick Grayson proves he's a master of disguise by first being unrecognizable and then being unrecognizable in a different way.

A true master of disguise! He's already showing hints of his ability to be Agent 37 of Spyral.

Notice how the panels are all wonky in the previous scan? I'm sure Marv Wolfman put a note in the script to the artist: "We're being artsy this issue! Art it up!" At 5:20 AM, we finally learn what happened to Deathwing. I don't mean we get an explanation of what Mirage did to him and why he doesn't have testicles anymore. We just see that he's making an appearance so that the audience can go, "Oh, that fuckbunny isn't dead? Great." The silhouette from earlier has dragged Changeling into Deathwing's bachelor pad. She's still just a dark profile but she mentions that Changeling is probably strong enough to accept her seed so it must be Raven. I guess being a demon from a dimension of empaths means you don't learn about the birds and the bugs. Unless this answers a question I'm sure I asked much earlier! Changeling can turn into a female version of any species! And Raven squirts semen because, well, she's Trigon's daughter. At 6:05 AM, Arsenal goes jogging with Bill Clinton. Clinton messes up Sergeant Steel's plans to manipulate the Titans into working for the government by telling Roy that he wants the Titans to be completely independent but he hopes that they'll work with the government. This plot point feels like Marv worked himself into a story arc that he didn't want to pursue any more. It's not like the DC Universe needed another team working on behalf of the U.S. government. At 6:15 AM, Garfield Logan finally gets laid.

Okay, maybe he doesn't get laid. But he definitely comes in his pants.

Do you think Marv Wolfman was in the shower when he thought, "Comic books have 24 pages. There are 24 hours in a day. Hey! I should steal an idea from Neal Gaiman!" At 7:43 AM, Nightwing crashes through a skylight. Just like Batman taught him! I can hear Bruce now: "Good job, Dick! Now they'll have to call Wayne Skylight and Window Repair! Another payday for the Batman!" At 9:00 AM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras Minion of some planet in the Alpha Centauri system watches his entire race disintegrate before his eyes. Probably a symptom of Zero Hour! At 10:05 AM, Nightwing declares, "I'm not a doctor! I just feel like a doctor!" It's his philosophical explanation for why he doesn't use lethal force. It totally makes sense because Nightwing still punches the shit out of people just like how doctor's love to give shots and cut people open. At 11:20 AM, Changeling begs to remain a virgin. He escapes but he has some missing time so he might also be pregnant. I guess I'll never know unless he starts showing in 24 hours! Or I'm curious enough to go buy some back issues. Ha ha! That was a joke! I have no curiosity. Page 12 is noon, of course! Nightwing has lunch with a detective because Dick Grayson had the fear of Alfred beaten into him about sitting down promptly at noon for the midday meal. Twenty-four hours for Dick Grayson went like this: 9 PM - 4 AM: Risk life with grown ass adult man in bat costume. 4 AM - 8 AM: Sleep. 8 AM - 9 AM: Waffles. 9 AM - 12 PM: Training. 12 PM - 1 PM: Cucumber sandwiches. 1 PM - 5 PM: Study time. 5 PM - 6 PM: Tea. 6 PM - 9 PM: Try to evade Bruce and Alfred as Dick finds a quiet spot to masturbate. At 1:30 PM, Roy has coffee with Steel. The government's final offer to the Titans: the government gives the Titans the Terraist's satellite, an Earthbound base, and money to pay off any lawsuits against the Titans and in return, the Titans promise to consider missions for the United States. What a terrible deal for the government! The Titans can just turn down every mission and the United States gets nothing for their investment. There must be a loophole. Steel reminds Roy, "You gotta decide fast!" As if it wasn't the easiest deal in the world to say yes to! At 2:25 PM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras roleplays Kal-el's early days. As his world is destroyed (along with some visiting Darkstars), Jarras escapes in a pod called the Omegadrone. It's both an escape pod and a weapon! I don't remember the character Minion at all. Probably because this was the last Titans comic I read for decades. At 3:55 PM, Wolfman reveals that Red Star has taken a job as a mall security cop. And I guess a babysitter as well since Baby Wildebeest is hanging out with him. At 4:10 PM, Roy Harper signs the contract with the government even though he knows it's going to blow up in his face. Fucking leftist comic book writers, portraying the United States government as underhanded, manipulative bastards who don't give a shit who they hurt to get what they want! At 5:20 PM, a bunch of Darkstars are killed by the rainbow spiral that destroyed Jarras's planet. The populace of the planet had been bred to be passive. So I guess the moral of this story is that hippie beatnik pacifists are only asking for trouble. Fucking right wing comic book writers! Well, at least Jarras has learned the lesson that peace is for dead people. The Omegadrone will teach him how to get revenge. At 6:03 PM, Roy thinks he's going to get Wally West to join his government Titans team but he's really going to get Impulse. I know that because I looked at the future roster of this team: Arsenal, Damage, Impulse, Mirage, and Terra. No wonder I stopped reading it! At 7:32 PM, Nightwing takes a shower. Naked! I know that's how most people take showers and I probably didn't need to emphasize it but he also jerks off so maybe I should have started with that.

DC canon: Dick Grayson jerks off thinking about puns.

And after he finishes.

At 8:54 PM, Dick Grayson turns in his resignation to Roy Harper. He's officially off the Titans! Good riddance, ya dumb jerk! If that even is you. Try looking more like Dick Grayson next issue, Dick Grayson! At 9:20 PM, Red Star, Pantha, and Baby quit the Titans as well. Then they go on a romantic road trip which DC apparently didn't publish. There's an advert in this issue for a Green Arrow story arc called "Cross Roads" that the copy compares to Knightfall and which nobody fucking remembers (probably!) but DC never published a Red Star/Pantha team-up?! No, they were right. Just as I was typing that, I was thinking, "Fuck, I would never have purchased that shit." At 10:10 PM, Changeling agrees to stick with the Titans. But he's full of Raven's disgusting seed, so he'll probably just turn on them immediately. At 11:05 PM, Dick and Kory break-up. But not in person! Dick waits for her to arrive to a dinner where he can dump her but Kory knows better and just flies into outer space. I don't remember what happens with her but it's probably super boring. I'm sure she goes home, fights with Blackfire, fights some Gordanians or whatever dumb race always enslaved the Tamaraneans, and then remembers why she moved to Earth in the first place. At midnight, Phantasm arrives to lead Harper and Logan into Damage #6. And then into Titans Zero Hour! Oh. So I guess I do have one more issue of this story arc to read: New Titans #0. I also have a Titans Elseworld Annual in the stack. Plus a Team Titans Elseworld Annual and one more Team Titans issue. And finally, before I can totally move on, Deathstork #0! New Titans #114 Rating: C. The one hour per page gimmick really helps Marv Wolfman clean up a bunch of loose ends to get the Titans ready for a big group change in Zero Hour. Plus he was able to shove in the Minion origin story (which was really just Superman's origin). And I usually give the art a pass even when it's not very good (and I often ignore it when it's great!) but holy Lobo's bulging crotch, it was fucking terrible this issue. It was so bad that I'm not even going to remember who the artist was so that I don't have to feel embarrassed for them.

#New Titans #Teen Titans #DC Comics #DC #Comic Book Reviews

[leighlikesthing]

“Being Robin Gives Me Magic!”

If you’re not a comics fan, or someone who maybe has read sporadically, or only certain things, the character of Robin is a divisive subject. 

You see, there is an entire subset of people who think that the character of Robin in any incarnation is lame. A foil for Batman that drags the Dark Knight away from his brooding depths and into something more comical and wholesome.

And sometimes, that’s true. Robin does get used to lighten things up sometimes when things get too gritty; too dark, and there are people who see that as a bad thing; who think that Bruce Wayne should be this crazed loner bent on justice with nothing but his money, his toys, and his weary butler. 

But let’s be honest here. 

There’s only so many stories you can tell in that vein before things start to get really, really boring.

Think about it! Batman has been around for 80 years. That’s a very long time.

Here’s how a classic Batman story goes: 

Bruce Wayne finds out, through being a billionaire playboy and having connections with the Gotham police, that trouble is afoot. He dons the cape and cowl, does the detective work, gets nabbed by the bad guy, figures a way out of it and turns the tables, turns the bad guy in and goes home to his big empty house and his sassy butler. 

That’s gonna get old fast, right? Even with a decent rogues gallery, and Jim Gordon hanging around, and maybe a couple of fair-weather girlfriends, that’s not a lasting premise. If you want 80 years of storytelling, you have to give Bruce Wayne more to fight for. 

Avenge parents: Check

Fight for the soul of the city that he loves: Cheeee-yeck.

But let’s be honest. Despite Batman’s status as a symbol, and a spooky myth of Gotham, at his core, Bruce is still a person. And people need other people, or else they’re just some weird guy sitting in a big drafty cave talking to themselves about JUSTICE while their butler hangs out upstairs and dusts his dead parents’ belongings.

Enter: Robin.

And not just Robin, but the idea that because Bruce Wayne lost his parents at such a young age, he’s spent one half of his life training and studying to be the greatest detective on earth to avenge their deaths and keep a similar fate from befalling other people in his city, and the other half building a new family. Because deep down, he’s still that scared little kid who lost his parents, and needs people.

And that might very well be the most human thing Bruce and Batman have ever done. He didn’t just train partners. He didn’t just take in strays. He built, for better or for worse, an entire family and network of people. 

Don’t get me wrong. Bruce is bad at stuff. He’s emotionally distant, pretty cold, and he can be a pretty terrible father (See: Every time he’s punched one of his children. Included on this list are, at minimum: Dick, Jason and Tim).

However inadvertently though, Bruce did something else as well. Not only did he collect these troubled youths and orphans to be his babies, he gave them each other. These characters now have an entire baseball team of siblings to bicker with, tease, rely on and hug it out with.

They’re family.

The Batfamily, to be precise. And they are broken and weird as all get out, but they, in my opinion, much more than Batman, are endlessly entertaining to read about.

And theorize about. One of the great joys that exists on the internet is the massive pile of head canon, fan art and fan fiction all relating to what it’s like to be part of this huge, dysfunctional family.

Tim Drake snapchatting his and Bruce’s trip to Walmart? Thanks to @unpretty You bet your batt butt. 

Lists of bizarre offenses perpetrated within Wayne Manor’s walls on any given Sunday? Gimme.

Tumblrs that depict fake Instagram feeds for these dummies? Delightful!

And the fan art. 

If you’re not following @doc-squash, whose fan comics are breathtakingly pure and funny, showing the entire family as the passel of weirdos we all know they are, I don’t know what you’re waiting for.

Heartwarming Dick and Babs content with a side of salty Damian? @laquilasse is the human you want to follow.

Goofy love for Jason Todd? Check out @inkydandy. 

Warm, snuggly family time? @kaylabeemarie has everything you need. 

Yes, Bruce Wayne and Batman get the most attention out in the greater world. Yes, everybody knows Robin is a thing, and everybody’s got opinions and feelings on that fact, good and bad.

But those of us who can name all the kids who have come and gone and come back to the cave again, I feel, are the happiest of Batman fans. Because there is a corner of the bat-sandbox that we get to roll around in that the anti-Robin crowd doesn’t.

And we have way more fun than they do.

#Batman #Robin #comics #fanworks #fandom

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

#long post #charlyspeaks #charlys cesspool of interests #team fortress 2 #team fortress #medic #pyro #heavy #engineer #scout #spy #demoman #sniper #soldier #zhenna #tf2 #drabble #my opinions #ooooo

[nothing-personal-my-dear]

Spartacus: Vengeance Rewatch - Episode 1: Fugitivus

Sex Scene: All of them. They went to a whorehouse.

“Cock”: 4

“Cunt”: 2

“Kill Them All”: 0 (I wonder if this is said at all in S2 or 3)

“Fucking Gaul”: 3

Slow motion Face Punch:0

Episode Name Dropped by: Aurelia

Memorable Death:  Aurelia

Favourite Line: “We must stand as one, or fall divided.”

- This is the greatest way they could have introduced the new Spartacus actor. It was amazing.

- Spartacus facing down that horse is beautiful.

- AGRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- DONAR!! =]

- He’s still throwing his bloody sword.

- I love that Donar has this axe thing, it’s awesome and sets him apart from the other gladiators.

- This beginning fight scene is so well done.

- Agron oh gosh. He’s so angry, so crazed by his grief. Everyone is so wary of him, but like he lost his brother. My poor baby.

-  “I believe the man dead.” – the moment I fell in love with Donar and his bromance with Agron.

- I can always rely on Agron to say “cock”

-  Spartacus has never really been a savage until right now when he carves a message into a dead guy’s chest. Seriously, wtf. 

- I’m so in love with Agron’s necklace.

- Ha! Rome, it looks like it’s still being built. That’s hilarious.

- Pompey mention!

- What is with all those masks?! How fucking creepy.

- “Where youth plummets, maturity may soar.”

- As someone who hasn’t ever paid any interest in wars, all this undoubtedly historically accurate war talk is super boring.

- Everyone under the sun is named Marcus

- Varinius!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man, seriously. Just, Brett Tucker is an Aussie actor that has been in basically everything! I can’t take him seriously.

- AND HE FUCKING SAID MONGRELS!

- Seriously this triangle between Ilithyia, Varinius, and Glaber is basically the entire subplot of S2.

- The one thing I get super bored of in Spartacus is men and their egos.

- Mira is literally in the sewers and she’s still a queen.

- Oh hey, the Veteran!

- The kid that says “I will kill many Romans” looks like Tyler Lockwood from Vampire Diaries.

- You can actually see Mira’s face fall when Aurelia comes into view. Like she knows that when Aurelia is around Spartacus can see no one else. It’s not a romantic thing, it’s a Varro thing.

- Agron and Donar bromance, I love it. Almost makes up for Duro’s death, almost.

- The Gauls are mostly comprised of New Zealanders – just an observation.

- I sometimes can’t believe that the gladiators treat the house slaves so poorly and sometimes don’t seem to give a fuck about any slaves still in chains.

- “Rabbits” - I still don’t understand this.

-  Oh, Acer.

-  Yessss Mira!!!!!

- Oh the showdown between the Gauls and the rest of the slaves is so intense and beautifully done.

- I really like that even with the new actor they still put all the same scars on him. Good job.

- Oh gosh. Mira loves Spartacus so much…..and S2 Spartacus clearly cares for her way more than he did in S1, but still. She deserves better.

- “I have proven troublesome to kill.”

- Gah, the thing with Spartacus in S2 is he cares more about killing Romans than protecting the other slaves. At least Mira and even Agron are there to pick up the slack.

- “I hear you wish to command my men.” – when I first heard this I thought it very antagonistic, like the fractions were splitting apart. But it’s more of Spartacus being the head honcho, and Crixus being a General that leads his own fraction but still reports to Spartacus. Warfare is not my thing but I’m learning.

- Yeah, because a curtain is going to give you so much privacy. Everyone can still hear you guys.

- “Did his blood bear fruit?”

- Trebius! Ah!

- Arena games!!! Oh how I miss you!

- Seppia really freaking frustrates me. She is so childish and has no idea the kinds of games she’s playing. She’s a fool.

- Seppius and Seppia are fucking right? That’s what they’re implying? A whole bunch of incest? I wanna hate it but I can see it.

- I don’t understand how the gladiator fights could be boring? Or how Batiatus’ gladiators could have made it more entertaining? You’re still watching two dudes kill each other.

- I haven’t even watch Star Wars but Oenomaus in that cloak gives me Jedi vibes.

- That guy in the alley gives me Pirates of The Caribbean vibes.

-  On one hand whenever I see Oenomaus I’m like “Don’t hurt this precious baby.” But then again “Hell yes baby you kick their asses!”

- Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!! Arm bone through the skin!!!!!!! Shit! Knife through the eye!!!!! Ah! Right through the jaw!!!!! Oenomaus is such a badass!

- Aurelia talking about how much she wants to go back to Janis. Well, you shouldn’t have left him in the first place! Her pride was as foolish as any man’s.

- “That lopsided grin. Eye’s promising mischief. I’ve seen in many times, upon his father.” –seriously my shipper heart. Spartacus loved Varro, it’s canon.

- “I fell to love the crooked bend of Varro's lips long before the man himself.” “As did I.” – IT’S MOTHERFLIPPING CANON I TELL YOU.

- I mean Spartacus can be a kind man when he wants to. He’s just very single minded.

- Gotta give their art department props. Having a fake pregnant woman be naked, and it look real….like damn, they deserve a pat on the back.

- I am loving Ilithyia’s purple gown thing though, wowzah.

- Marcus Crassus mention again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- “She was a fucking bitch” – I find that fucking hilarious.

- Agron said bleat! Goat reference! My shipper heart!

- Wow, Spartacus said “whores” somehow that’s more shocking than anything else on this show.

- I love Agron’s loyalty to Spartacus but I wish Spartacus would see it too. In this season and the next he kind of treats Agron like crap.

- “You had me at whores.” – I love Donar.

- “Avoid unnecessary risk.” Sparty, baby, do you realise who you talking to?!

- Loving the idea of Mira, Donar, and Agron planning behind Spartacus’ back. These are the people who want to protect the other slaves, not spend every day covered in Roman blood.

- “As are all things, in pursuit of a woman.” Gotta love the salty gay trope. Agron pulls it off swimmingly.

- “I will tell Janis of you. Of the man who loved his father above all others.” CANON. I really didn’t ship Spartacus and Varro this much the first time around.

- “I gave my word. Blood and Honour. It yet speaks to the man.” as said in S1.

- Gladiators in hoods is everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Woman with a massive dildo fucking a dude. Yep.

- Oh! I think this is the first penis shots we’ve had in a while.

- Guy on Guy sex. Well then. So much gay sex in this series, it’s glorious.

- The four guys throwing the girl around makes me super fucking uncomfortable, especially when you can hear her. She is so not enjoying this.

- Another memorable death = dude jerking off and just as he’s about to finish, gets a sword through his throat.

- It’s gotta suck so bad for all these guys that are dying with their dicks out. Especially that guy that got a sword right between the legs. Ouch.

- Never noticed but there’s a very very large woman in the whorehouse and a skinny guy on all fours in front of her. I’m so curious about what’s happening there.

- How many innocent body slaves died in this attack???

- Poor boy with cum all over his face.

- Trebius is so fucking disgusting. Peeing all over that girl.

- I get that this girl is probably horrendously traumatized but she really have to go and kill the only lead they had to Naevia.

- AGRON KICKING THE SHIT OUTTA TREBIUS COS HE SOLD HIM AND DURO TO BATIATUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahh my heart!

- I seriously hate Spartacus in this scene and it kind of tainted him for me. He’s telling Agron that he can’t kill Trebius as revenge for Duro, BUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SPARTACUS IS DOING WITH GLABER! He’s such a fucking hypocrite!

- Crixus sticking his hand inside Trebius’ gut is so gross.

-  I get that Glaber is angry at Ilithyia but she clearly has some PTSD that is triggered by that house and he’s forcing her to stay there. Not cool.

- OVER THE CLIFF!! Yes Ilithyia!

- There’s no logical reason for that mask to be there, except to provoke memories.

- Flashback penis.

-  I never noticed but Ilithyia has a really big mouth.

- I honestly thought the figure was gonna be Spartacus, I was so surprised to see Lucretia.

- Lucretia being out of her freaking mind is magical. All the props to the actress.

- “What fragments her shattered mind yet holds.”

- Seriously, the male ego.

- Old woman slave = headcanon that she ran the whole Battiatus household. Also, that young boy slave is super attractive, how has Agron not noticed this?!?

- “Grab your fucking cock.” – oh wait, maybe he has! Ha!

- Foreshadow of Agron not thinking house/body salves are worth much. Ahhhhhhh how wrong he shall be ;)

- “We knew this day would come” SPARTACUS YOU MADE THIS DAY COME, YOU WROTE A FUCKING MESSAGE! Gah!

- Angry little lost boy. Agron is my fave if you can’t already tell.

-  “That is no longer my title.” – poor baby.

- “There is but one place for an animal without honour.”

- Singleminded Spartacus is one of my least faves.

- I love how they take Lucretia way back to the drought, to before Spartacus killed Theokoles.

- I really love how in this show they show woman with pubic hair, COS IT’S FUCKING NATURAL and women shouldn’t have to shave because society tells them to.

- “Smashed upon the cliffs.” – foreshadowing!

- Argh! This leaning back shit women do during sex scenes on tv annoys the hell outta me. That move is done purely for the male viewers. For the women doing it, it’s really fucking awkward.

-  “You bark as a dominus.” “Sheep stand idle if not prodded by snapping jaw.” – I love Agron and Donar moments.

- “Let us compare teeth and have answer.” – they are basically talking about comparing dick sizes right?????

- Lucretia with dark hair and wearing a purple dress. Goddess.

- “Do not shed fucking tear.”

- Fucking love that Lucretia is the one to spot Spartacus.

- Seppius rolling his eyes at Glaber. Me too, bro, me too.

- Ah the foreshadow of Glaber and Seppia. Yuck.

- The rebels coming to Spartacus’ aid. I love their loyalty.

- Seriously Donar and his axe.

- Agron picking up Aurelia and throwing her over his shoulder. It’s hilarious because she is so freaking tiny compared to him, and also cos he’s super gay and doesn’t understand females at all.

- Lucretia and Crixus seeing each other again is super powerful.

- MIRA with a “fucking Gauls.” Did not see that coming.

-  “Do any of us hold fucking worth to you?”

- Mira’s little rant to Spartacus is all well and good, but did she have to be mean to Agron.

- The Spartacus and Crixus bromance is strong in S2.

- VENGEANCE NAME DROP.

- Agron looks so little, so small and young. My baby.

- I still fucking hate Aurelia.

- I do love that Agron was willing to go and fight Glaber because of Aurelia, someone he didn’t even seem to like at all.Baby’s got a heart.

- THE BEGINNING OF THE REBEL ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAAAS!

#spartacus #spartacus vengeance #vengeance #spartacus rewatch #season 2 #2x01 #fugitivus #crixus #agron #spartacus agron #donar #mira #aurelia #lucretia #ilithyia #glaber #naevia

[derryhawkins]

Growing Fame (3/??)

summary: A modern AU where the losers are semi-famous for different things, and when they all run into each other at a certain event, all of their fans go bat-shit crazy – wanting the seven to spend more time together. What they didn’t expect even more than that, though, was a well-known and mean journalist to write bad reviews on them all. Their growing fame could soon shrink, they quickly realized. warnings: mention of slut shaming and drinking/being drunk; swearing pairings: benverly; bichie; steddie; mike/oc a/n: There’s less Richie and Mike in this part but I make it up with a shitty article made by a shitty person at the end, and a small amount of stan x eddie (steddie) at the beginning.

CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 coming soon

Speculations and False Accusations

There weren’t many things about his roommates that surprised Stan. The two were simple to read and pretty much easy going. Even Mike, Ben, and Beverly didn’t surprise him much when he first met them. Who did surprise Stanley, though, was Richie Tozier; the tall male was pretty much seen as a loose canon in Stan’s eyes. He was nice, though. Still made the stupid ‘your mom’ jokes and dick jokes as if he was still a high schooler, but he was nice.

So imagine Stanley’s shock when he saw a few fans commenting on the vlog he posted the night before, that Richie Tozier could be the boy Bill Denbrough dated for a month in high school. Bill had shared that story before, about how he first realized he was bisexual during a high school hang out and drunkenly making out with some guy. He had dated the same guy for about a month before calling it off; but the boy’s name remained anonymous to the fans, and even Stan and Eddie.

The dirty blond male quickly started reading more and more of the comments speculating that Richie and Bill had dated. The fans were just simply backing it up by saying they were extremely close. Stan wanted to brush it off because the two were best friends, of course they were extremely close. But there was just something about them both when they reunited that gave Stan the feeling that the fans weren’t being crazy this time around. He rubbed at his bottom lip as he thought about the situation.

“Eddie, where’s the peanut butter?!” Bill shouted from the kitchen.

“Middle shelf!” Eddie yelled back from his room.

Stan uncrossed his legs as he got into a better sitting position on his bed. His door was wide open, so he could hear the shouts pretty clearly. He locked his phone as he came up with a little thought and moved off of his bed, quickly making his way out of his room and to Eddie’s. He knocked on the doorframe as he stepped into the room. Eddie looked up from a school text book and to Stan. A smile came over his features, cheeks tinting pink the slightest bit.

“What’s up Stan?” Eddie said.

He looked behind him for a moment, and then shut the bedroom door. He walked to Eddie’s bed and sat down. “What do you think about Richie?” Stan asked.

Eddie looked shocked by the question at first but soon gave a shrug. “He’s okay. Not as bad as I thought he would be, actually,” he replied. “Why?” He paused and smirked. “Does someone have a crush?”

“Ew! No, Eddie, jeez,” Stan frowned and shook his head quickly. “He’s not my type.” He hoped that Eddie didn’t notice his cheeks turning pink at saying the last part.

The smaller boy’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh, g- uh, then why are you asking about him?”

“Do you think he could be the guy Bill dated for a month?”

Eddie scoffed. He started to laugh, too, but he slowly stopped as he saw that Stan was completely serious. “Oh… I guess, I mean, it’s possible, maybe. They were a bit touchy the other day.”

Stan slowly nodded. He recalled a moment when they were all standing around at some point at comic con. Richie, with Georgie on his shoulders, and Bill stood side by side with barely any room between them both. Stanley had just brushed it off, pegging it as Bill wanting to be close in case Georgie fell off of Richie. But the dark haired boy had a tight hold on the young kid.

“We should just ask Bill-.”

“Eddie, no, that’s stupid. He would’ve said something by if he wanted to tell us.”

“Well, we can’t ask Richie, he’ll be way too suspicious.”

The two young males sat in silence for a few moments, thinking about the speculation that Richie and Bill dated. Suddenly, Eddie let out an “ah-ha” and picked up his phone from beside the lamp on his bedside table. Stan stared in confusion for a moment before leaning over to watch as Eddie scrolled through his contacts, stopping at a certain redhead’s name.

Beverly Marsh was on yet another date. This time, though, it wasn’t the girl that canceled on her and stood her up but rather a guy who reminded her too much of Richie - a complete turn off because the Tozier boy was basically her brother. But the guy wasn’t as nearly as entertaining as Richie; rather boring and kept on going on and on about his brand new red mustang that she just has to check out later tonight. The guy was more than rich, Beverly could tell just by his clothes, and despite having Richie’s personality, it was masked by a snobbish attitude and boasting about how much money he had at such a young age.

She honestly hoped that Richie would never become a snob. His fame was increasing, after all, and with fame came lots of money.

The twenty one year old took a sip of the wine that her date ordered for them both at the beginning, and glanced around the fancy restaurant. She had used the money she had acquired from being a YouTuber to buy a fancy, expensive dress. Still, though, she felt out of place. Maybe it was because her hair wasn’t as long as other girl’s; it was only at her shoulders right now. Maybe it was because the splotches of freckles littering her skin; all the other girls had smooth, unmarked skin. Maybe it was because she simply didn’t belong in such a fancy place.

Suddenly, a sharp ringing started in her purse and Beverly set her wine glass down and grabbed her purse. She cursed under her breath at forgetting to turn the sound off at the beginning of the date, and grabbed it and pressed a button to turn the sound off. Beverly frowned at seeing Eddie Kaspbrak’s name across the screen. She glanced up at her date.

“So sorry, I usually turn my phone off, but my mother is in the hospital and I need to take this,” Beverly rushed out her on the spot lie.

The man looked sympathetic. He said, “Oh, no, go and answer it, Beverly. I understand.”

Beverly gave a thankful smile before standing up and grabbed her purse and phone as she got up. “I’ll just be in the bathroom,” she said before clicking on the answer button. She waited until she was far enough away to answer, “Hi, Eddie, what’s up?”

“Beverly, thank God, we thought you wouldn’t answer,” came the guy’s reply.

“Hi, Bev!” A voice she recognized as Stan Uris’ shouted.

“Hi, Stan,” she greeted and stepped into the bathroom. “Thank you for calling, by the way, you’re interrupting my boring ass date.”

“Damn, you’re welcome,” Stan said.

“Boring dates are not fun,” Eddie sighed. “Anyway, we need to ask you a question involving you’re annoying friend.”

“Is he single? Yes.”

“No! Sheesh, Bev, I don’t like him like that.”

“Did Richie ever date a guy in high school but broke up with him about a month later?” Stan asked.

Beverly raised an eyebrow and leaned against the wall by one of the sinks. Her nose wrinkled some at seeing the fancy soap name on the bottle; she wasn’t able to pronounce it. But she shoved that thought away as she focused on Stan’s question. “Oddly specific,” she muttered.

“Yeah, well…” He trailed off.

“Um,” Beverly sighed and chewed on her bottom lip as she thought back to all the dating stories she has heard from Richie Tozier.

It didn’t take long for her to remember a time where they were both a bit tipsy and Richie was muttering on about how he regretted one of his break ups in high school. He never said who, or whether it was a boy or girl. It confused her, too, because he’s only told her two full stories of dating in high school. One awkward freshman girlfriend, and one senior boyfriend that dumped in right before graduation. Literally, right before everyone was seated to get their diplomas. Beverly doubted he regretted those two.

“Well, he told me once when he was tipsy that he regretted a break up in high school. I don’t know who, though, guys, sorry. I need to ask him about it, actually,” she finally said. “Why do you want to know anyway?”

Stan said, “Bill dated a guy for about a month but he’s never told us who. I was on YouTube looking at the comments on the vlog I put up of us at comic con and fans were speculating that Richie’s that guy.” 

“You and Richie seem pretty close so we were wondering if he told you anything,” Eddie added.

“That’s all I know, guys, sorry. Plus I thought Rich kinda was flirting with you, Eddie.”

A gagging noise and Stan’s laughter was quickly heard, making her smile as Beverly looked at her nails. She then thought of the day they went to comic con. She did notice that Richie and Bill were oddly close, but didn’t think anything of it. Beverly narrowed her eyes at recalling that Richie brings up Bill any time he can. That he made sure to watch all of his videos and support him the best he could with living apart.

“Gross, Bev,” Eddie grumbled and made the redhead snap back to reality.

“Yeah, yeah, you like someone else with curly hair, I know,” Beverly snickered.

“What,” was Stan’s even yet shocked voice while Eddie was trying to sputter out an answer.

“Kind of not kidding, but anyway, I best be going so my date doesn’t get suspicious. I’ll question Richie about it some and see if I come up with anything, okay? Talk to you losers later!”

After getting a farewell and a good luck from both boys, Beverly hung up and used the bathroom. She washed her hands and then walked back out to finish the boring date. Beverly plastered a smile on her face as she sat back down and got ready to tell a spur of lies about her sickly mother in the hospital. Because, of course, her date just had to question her.

Ben sat at his desk in his apartment in front of his computer, going through random website platforms to get caught up on whatever the hell as going on in the world and what dramatic thing the Kardashians did now. Harry Styles’ album played on his spotify to fill up the emptiness of his small home, his black lab chewing on a bone a couple feet away. Once in a while, Ben would look over and simply watch his dog for a few seconds before having his eyes glued to the computer screen once again.

The muscular male was humming along to “Meet Me In the Hallway” as he scrolled through his slightly abandoned FaceBook page. He only got on there to like posts his family put up and share a few news about his favorite singers and bands. Other than that, Ben never got on the Book of Faces - as his grandmother had called it a few months ago. But he stopped short at seeing a title of one of the articles popping up on his feed.

SEVEN HOOLIGANS RUIN COMIC CON

Ben eyes narrowed slightly. He had a sneaking suspicion on what it was about. Still, though, he clinked the link and waited for it to load. When it was done loading, he looked at the author’s name. Penny Wise. What the hell kind of name is that, he asked himself. He just shook his head and went on reading about the ‘hooligans’ at comic con.

“There is no doubt in my mind that a good portion of the population know of YouTubers and their fame that basically none of them should have. Not many of them are good influences on the children of today’s world and that is clearly shown when seven hooligans were seen at comic con causing a scene the entire time they were there.

“The three guys of BES Vids (Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, and Stan Uris), famous for their obnoxious jokes, were with make up and FX artist Beverly Marsh; YouTube sensation who shouldn’t be singing in the first place, Mike Hanlon; historically inaccurate Ben Hanscom-.”

“Rude,” Ben muttered, “And I’m very accurate, asshole, and my best friend is amazing at singing.”

“-and last but not least, the lead singer of The Records, Richie Tozier, who is the most terrible influence of them all.

“These seven 20 to 21 year olds constantly made ruckus at comic con. Some by-standers claim they had snuck in alcohol to the convention, and were drunk. Not only that, but they had a child with them, obviously someone’s little brother. They had even lost the kid at one point. Seven adults lost a child. How does that happen?–.”

Ben groaned and stopped reading there, only skimming the rest of the article and catching other false and ridiculous claims. The guy said that they had been asked to leave at one point and they all refused; it was bullshit. People actually encouraged their weird antics. They were never drunk. They found Georgie less than a minute later after they had lost the kid. Multiple fans came up and asked for pictures.

Then the guy called Beverly a slut for being with all boys and claimed that Richie was extremely high, too, and that he made out with a few fans. Plus even more fake truths. The article was complete bullshit. But by the number of shares and comments, a lot of people actually believed the bullshit. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and quickly sent the link to Mike on FaceBook messenger. The response wasn’t too quick, maybe five minutes later.

Mike Hanlon: WHAT THE FUCK, THAT’S ALL BULLSHIT

Ben Hanscom: Exactly why I shared it. The others need to know this is out there; it’s getting more popular by the minute, Mike.

Mike Hanlon: Making a gc with their numbers + ours. Maybe our hang out will come sooner than we thought. We need to talk about this together.

Ben Hanscom: Damn I know. Fuck this shit, man

Mike Hanlon: YEAH YOU ARE VERY HISTORICALLY ACCURATE IN YOUR VIDEOS, FUCK THIS MAN, FUCK ANY ONE WHO AGREES WITH HIM, I’M P I S S E D NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY BFF LIKE THAT

Ben Hanscom: Mike I love you but send the link to the others already so we can all yell about this together.

Mike Hanlon: Right, yeah, on it.

TAG LIST: @cupcakeatl @howellhxlic @anniewdoodles @kitaruhakiashi @thesubtextmachine @magickandmoons @allison0609

#tag yourself i'm Mike getting pissed about them calling Ben historically inaccurate in his videos #bc you know damn well he wouldn't be #anyway the drama is coming and the couples have been picked!! #buckle your seat belts pals #now onto the tags #the losers club #modern au #it #it 2017 #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #richie tozier #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #steddie #bichie #mike #benverly #beverie #stan #richie #eddie #bill #ben #beverly #the losers #*growing fame #fic

[weforgotthatwearethestars]

No Memory is Gonna Save You Now (part 4)

Starker, so don’t like don’t read.

Also here on Ao3

Tags: amnesia, temporary amnesia, team as family, canon-typical violence, fluff, angst, happy ending

Walking into what Natasha called the common room was nerve racking. 

It was the room with the big couch off of the kitchen and there were currently the two blonde dudes from earlier, Bucky with the fantastic arm, and a man with glasses and fluffy, dark hair reading a book. 

“Nat I didn’t mean for -” the sweaty (formerly sweating? he looked like he’d showered) blonde guy from earlier starts before cutting himself off at the raise of Natasha’s hand. 

“Peter,” Natasha says, “This is Clint, Bucky, Bruce, and Steve. Though you usually call Bruce, Dr. Banner and Steve, Cap or Mr. Rogers.” She says as she gestures in turn to the sleepy guy from this morning, Bucky, the guy that was reading his book, and the formerly sweaty guy. Natasha then turns to the confused men and continues, “Peter lost all of his memories because he was kidnapped last night on patrol and the easiest way to make him too much trouble to keep around was to take all of his memories and put them in an I.D. card, at least according to Steven and Tony late last night.” 

Everyone looks shocked for a moment before Clint speaks up, “So, wait, you don’t know who anyone is?” Peter glances at everyone’s face, hunching in on himself at the sadness he sees in their eyes. He shrugs and nods a little, hating himself for not remembering them when this was the reaction he was getting for forgetting them. 

Then Bucky starts to chuckle and everyone looks at him. 

“You fixed my arm this morning.” he says with a smirk, statement, no question about it. 

Peter feels himself blush and decides to just nod in agreement anyway. “Well,” Bucky responds, grinning away, “then there’s plenty of you left in your head. Besides, we aren’t all that interesting anyway.” 

Peter looks up at Bucky with a little bit of a dazed grin and responds, “I wouldn’t say you guys are boring, sir.” That somehow gets a chuckle out of Steve while Bucky shakes his head and gets close enough to Peter to reach out and ruffle his hair up. 

“First off, no. You call me Bucky, I trained all those sir’s out of you months ago.” 

Peter squirms away from Bucky’s hand with a squawk and a laugh and, “Alright, alright! Bucky, got it.” They grin at each other and as Peter glances around the room he finds that everyone is more relaxed and looking a little fond and happy. 

“Secondly,” Bucky says as his hand comes down to clap Peter’s shoulder, “if you don’t remember us then we should probably do one of Stevie’s team building things, right guys?” Bucky is grinning at Clint and now Clint is grinning back, a little manic around the edges. 

“Yes! Fun with the new guy!” he cackles maniacally while Peter looks over to the others, a little worried. 

“Ok, no, lets maybe just have a movie or game night tonight.” Steve interjects, “We can maybe spar with Peter tomorrow, if he’s feeling up to it, but we are not throwing him into the deep end for no reason.” Peter doesn’t have time to contemplate that sentence before Steve is turning to him with a smile, “How about it, Pete?” 

The smile creeps across his face as Clint boo’s the change in plans and Bucky huffs at Steve, but they’re both still smiling like the evening is going to be a blast. Natasha and Dr. Banner even look a little happy with the plans. 

He has a brief moment of wanting Tony there, one familiar face in this sea of unfamiliarity, but he shakes it off. He’s probably busy, don’t bother the man with your crap, Peter thinks before he nods in agreement to Steve’s suggestion. 

“I’ll get dinner sorted.” Natasha says as she walks off just as Clint shows up next to Peter, slinging an arm around his shoulder. 

“Alright, it’s either watch Star Wars or play a Smash tournament. Your choice.” he says with a grin so big Peter has to grin back, “You’re gonna love either one, I promise.”

***

Peter is cheering on Bucky who is racing against Clint and Steve in Mario Kart when he hears Natasha and Tony’s voices down the hall, just exiting the elevator. He doesn’t think much beyond foodTonyhappy before he’s vaulting over the back of the couch he’s sitting on and running into the hall. 

“Tony! You came for game night?!” half-way launching himself at the man in question. Peter had figured out that most of the team/people-that-lived-here were pretty touchy based on the amount of hair ruffles, shoulder squeezes, and random tackling he had experienced in the past couple hours. He probably looked like a mess between the rumpled clothes and the bird's nest on his head but he was feeling relaxed and just really happy. Tony looks confused but pleased to have Peter plastered to his side in a half hug as he’s holding a couple bags of food in the other hand. 

“Hey, kid.” Tony breathes out as Natasha raises an eyebrow at them. Peter ducks his head a little sheepishly and holds his hand out as he untangles himself from Tony’s side and asks, 

“Sorry, want some help?” She nods and hands him half the bags she’s carrying before fixing Tony with a look Peter’s not sure he wants to get in the middle of. Instead, he figures, if the others are around that means witnesses and then she probably wouldn’t kill Tony right? 

“Hey, guys! Food’s her- !” Peter starts but cuts himself off as he walks in and everyone is staring at him. He’s not sure how to react because while Clint looks like a kid on Christmas who just spotted Santa, Bucky looks torn between happy and murder (though that could be left over from the game?), which just leaves Steve and Dr. Banner looking confused. Peter figures he can deal with confused. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks cautiously, half-way mapping an escape route in his head. 

“Um, I think it’s - uh,” Dr. Banner starts then just ends up looking at Steve as if he’d said nothing and the question had been solely directed to the Captain in the first place. It made Peter relax just a little, oddly enough. 

“It’s, uh!” Steve starts, a little startled before he clears his throat as he shoots a look at Clint for the snickering. “We just aren’t used to you calling him Tony.” 

This….is not what Peter was expecting. 

He looks over to where Tony is looking like a deer caught in the headlights and Natasha is looking up at the ceiling for a moment as if asking for strength. 

Or patience. 

Or maybe just to smite them all where they stood. 

Peter wasn’t sure if Natasha really liked any of them at that particular moment. 

She then sighs as she rolls her head back down, looking at everyone with an unamused grimace before saying, “Eat. Before it’s cold.” 

This seems to snap everyone out of their weird mood because they all follow her into the kitchen, Clint grabbing the bags from Peter and Tony, cackling, “Have fun!” while clapping Tony on the shoulder on his way out. 

There’s an awkward pause while Tony seems to be contemplating Peter’s earlier escape routes so Peter decides to start with, “So did I get your name wrong? Do I not know the name of one of my best friends?” He says it half like a joke in the hopes that he’s somehow wrong. Another thing he doesn’t expect is Tony sputtering like he’d just said something insane. 

Add out of the loop to The List, Peter thinks a little dejectedly. 

“No, no, don’t make the lost puppy eyes, you know I can’t take those.” Tony says as he walks a little close to him. 

Peter looks back at Tony with a smile, just a little sad around the edges, as he quips, “Nah, but now I do.” Tony smiles back, soft and a little hesitant as he reaches out and places a light hand on Peter’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I got busy. To be fair, I was emailing your professors, as you, to let them know you’re ‘sick’.” Tony says and Peter feels the concern wash over him a moment or two before Tony sees it. “Don’t worry! They’re all ok with it and they’ll be emailing you soon. If we really need to, I can have Dr. Cho write you a doctor’s excuse. She knows about you, all of us really. So your grades will be just fine.” 

“Oh, ok.” Peter says with a small nod to himself. 

“And I’m sorry about the whole,” Tony says, waving his hand around a little, “ ‘Mr. Stark’ thing.” 

“Do you want me to call you Mr. Stark?” Peter asks with a slight tilt of his head as he tries to read Tony’s reaction. He didn’t hate it when Peter called him Tony, he’s fairly confident he would’ve noticed that, even without his memories. What’s confusing him is why he’d call him that in the first place. There’s the age difference, obviously, but what had felt more obvious was that they were friends. Tony was protective of him but he also joked with him and they worked on projects together more as equals than anything else as far as Peter could tell. Why wouldn’t friends or maybe coworkers not use each other’s first names? 

“It’s, ah. Well, um. So I recruited you into all,” more hand waving, “this when you were still in highschool. You’re in college now, by the way. And, uh, I guess, at first you viewed me as a bit more of a mentor, teacher-y type.” Tony is making a face that looks somewhere between ‘how did I do’ and ‘that was horrible wasn’t it’. 

Peter raises an eyebrow, Tony huffs a little and continues, “Well after initially teaming up with the whole you stole Cap’s shield briefly thing, since you had this fancy suit I gave you, you kept me updated. After a while of you leaving me voicemails and sending me emails and never getting a reply, you took matters into your own hands.” He’s starting to look guilty and sad and generally hunched in on himself and Peter’s not sure what to do until Tony seems to shake himself a little and clears his throat, saying, “Long story short I was a dick and an ass and you were reckless and angsty, but we eventually got our shit together and started talking instead of acting out like children.” A rueful smile appears on Tony’s face as he adds, “You, at least, had the excuse of actually being one.” 

He meets Peter’s eyes and his smile goes softer, fonder, “Then you grew up.” Peter’s cheeks warm under the older man’s gaze and he steps forward, just a little, just once, as if pulled by a magnet in his chest. “We got a little closer when I offered you an internship, partially as a cover for the whole ‘you’re Spider-man’ thing but mostly because you and May were struggling and won’t just….take my money when I offered it. I convinced you that the internship would help me and I’d pay you for it, enough for you two to get by.” Tony chuckles a little looking up at the ceiling, a little sarcasm in his voice as he added, “That damn moral compass of yours. You got it from May, if not from being raised by her then it’s encoded into your DNA, somewhere.” Tony’s head drops forward again with that easy smile as he says, “And somewhere along the way, during the internship, once you started college and moved in here and told everyone on the team your identity and living your life instead of what you thought everyone expected of you, we became friends. You just never really dropped the formality.” 

“Did you ever ask me to?” Peter asks, getting a snort out of Tony as he leans heavily against the couch, 

“I’ve told you to a few times. To just call me Tony. You’d found me passed out in the lab or half lucid after living off coffee for forty-eight hours straight one too many times for me to really try to pretend this was still a mentor/mentee thing and not something like friends or at the very least equals. You always insisted I stop calling you kid first, though.” He smirks a little, something sad hiding behind his eyes, “And old habits die hard, I guess.” 

Peter tries to soak it all in, mull over all the information he was just given when he is suddenly struck, wholeheartedly, with the feel of Fuck It. 

Peter nods, a little to himself, a little to Tony, and says “Ok.” with a smile that makes him feel warm. 

Because, it’s clicked for him. 

Just like Bucky said, there’s plenty of him left in his head (apparently). He doesn’t need to second guess what all his reactions would be if he had his memories. No one’s going to be mad at him (probably) if he tells them he doesn’t know and why that is. At least not in the Tower, where he’s trusted these half dozen people with what seems to be his best kept secret. 

Because he’s starting to realize that when they say they're all on this team together, they really mean they’re all in this family together. Found family, but family nonetheless. 

Tony however, “Wait, what? You’re not mad?” Peter rolls his eyes before reaching out and grabbing one of Tony’s hands, “Of course not. Besides, you haven’t called me ‘kid’ much.” Peter grins as he starts walking backwards to tow Tony into the kitchen with him, “ Plus, I’d say I can get us even again, Mr. Stark.” 

And if Peter grins a little bigger because of the blush on Tony’s cheeks, well, no one really has to know.

***********************************************************

Dinner was great, there was plenty of food and there were other people who also had giant metabolisms so Peter didn’t feel so bad for eating so much. 

Somewhere in the middle of eating, though, someone had started telling stories. Apparently Peter’s reactions were great. 

(“Oh my god, did Spider-Man die?!” 

“Underoos, you’re Spider-man!” 

“Oh, right….” 

Cue raucous laughter from all present parties.) 

This only encouraged more stories from everyone. As people finished the trash was cleared and the dishes were washed and desert was debated and distributed but the stories never stopped. Which is how the whole team found themselves, still at the dinner table late at night, laughing and smiling and leaning on each other. Tony’s arm rarely left the back of Peter’s chair and every nudge, every smug look, every story Tony told about Peter that the others didn’t even know about felt like a revelation and another bubble of hope in his chest. 

Eventually Steve and Natasha said they were going to bed and encouraged (told) everyone else to do so as well. Tony offered to walk Peter to his room and, though Peter told him he’d actually been in there earlier, he did want to show him something he wanted to ask the other man about. Though he looked surprised, Tony readily agreed. 

He seems nervous the entire way there and once they’re in the apartment he starts saying, “Look, are you sure you want to show me whatever it is that you want to show me? I don’t want you to show me something you’re going to regret, once you remember everything again.” Peter shrugs a little before he impulsively grabs Tony’s hand to tow him further into the apartment and down the hall. 

“I’m still me. I don’t think I’ll regret this when I remember everything. And even if I do, it’s all my own fault, you’re not making me do anything.”  He stops in front of the lab doors, turning to Tony with a smirk as he reaches out to the hand scanner and adds, “Besides, you showed me yours right?” 

Tony’s mouth opens, probably to say something like ‘you don’t have to’ or ‘maybe we shouldn’t’ but it quickly goes slack at seeing Peter’s lab. Peter tugs him in gently with the hand he’s still holding, a smug pride welling up inside him, forgoing the chair in favor of hopping up on a clear space on the lab table. Tony stares around in wonder for a moment or two before he slips his hand from Peter’s and begins to explore the space more. 

He’s taking it all in the same way Peter must have looked when he had walked in earlier that day. As if he was seeing the whole place for the first time. 

“You’ve never seen this place before.” Peter says, drawing Tony’s attention away from one of the plants with purple flowers and back to him. 

“Did you think I had?” Tony asks. Peter shakes his head as he starts to scan the shelves to avoid Tony’s gaze. 

He hears as Tony takes a step or two towards him as Tony asks, “Then why did you bring me here?” 

Peter smiles a little sheepishly and shrugs as he responds, “You said I didn’t have anything. Pretty sure you made a joke about a possible pet rock. This,” Peter gestures at the lab at large, “is a little more than a pet rock.” Smiling shyly over at Tony he continues, “Figured someone should know if something ever actually happened to me. I did get kidnapped, after all.” He smiles fondly at Peter as he gets next to him and slings an arm across his back, near his waist, leaning against the lab table and tucking Peter into his side. 

“With the set up you got, they’d live without you around for a long time. You didn’t have to tell me about it so try again, undroos.” Peter huffs and lays his arm across Tony’s shoulders. He tenses for just a moment before he relaxes and leans into it. Peter is silently pleased as he pulls the man a little closer to himself. 

“I guess, I just thought you should know. We’re close and I couldn’t find a single reason I hadn’t told you or showed you yet.” He grins down at Tony from his perch and adds, “But also this place is really cool and I’ve apparently done this mostly on my own. Gotta brag somehow, right?” Tony chuckles a little as he grins back and squeezes Peter’s side as he does. 

“Well I’m glad you showed me.” he adds. They stay there for a few minutes, quietly observing the plants and soaking up the warmth of each other. 

Peter is content to sit there for hours if he’s being honest with himself but Karen’s kind voice chimes in, “Peter, may I suggest that you turn out the lights in the lab? I think you’ll be happy with the results.” 

Peter and Tony’s eyes dart to one and others in a silent conversation before Peter smiles and says, “Ok, Karen, hit the lights.” The lights dim down for a couple of seconds before going out completely. 

There is a moment or two where nothing happens then, “Oh.” they say in unison. 

Half of the plants are brightly bioluminescent and the colors are extraordinary. Every color he could think of from one dim enough to be candle light to another bright enough to light a street corner. Some have spots of lights while others have blotches and smears, like a calico cat. Sometimes, it’s the leaves, sometimes it’s the flowers. Rarely, it seems, the whole plant glows and pulses, almost like a slow heartbeat, almost like it’s breathing. 

Peter’s jaw is hanging is in an open mouthed smile taking it all in, head on a swivel until he sees Tony. 

He looks almost ethereal in the light. The lights dance along the sprinkling of greys as his eyes reflect the plants he focuses on and he grins proudly, as if Peter’s accomplishments are just as important to him as his own. As if Peter has shown him something he has never seen before, a feat he’s nearly positive is something very hard to do. 

When Tony’s eyes meet his, he feels his breath catch in his chest. 

He’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, memories be damned. 

Peter reaches out to smooth an errant hair behind Tony’s ear and takes the opportunity of the motion to thread his fingers gently into the hair at the back of the back of the older man’s hair. 

“You’re beautiful when you smile.” Peter says, the precise amount of gone on this man he is leaking into his voice through the rasp in his chest, around the heat building in his guts. Peter coaxes Tony slowly, softly into standing between his legs facing him, looking up at him and he thinks to himself quietly, if I tried to keep him here forever would he stay? He has his other hand threaded into the hair on the other side of Tony’s head and Tony’s hands are grabbing his hips, tightening and releasing his grip, like he doesn’t know if he wants to pull Peter in or let him set the pace. 

Peter figures he can’t blame the man, when he can’t decide himself which one he would prefer. 

He watches as he scratches gently at the older man’s scalp, feels the warmth build into his chest as Tony’s eyes flutter shut then open to focus on him. Memorizes the way Tony’s breath hitches under his fingertips as he starts to lean his face closer to the older man’s space. Reins in his heart so it doesn’t leap out to meet Tony’s, rapidly beating away in his chest if the pulse in his neck is any indication. Their foreheads meet, breathing erratic at best, when Tony’s hand comes up to caress his check. Peter leans in the touch and smiles slightly at the little noise that that simple action seems to pull from Tony’s chest. 

“Fuck, kid, I - ” 

Bee-beep. 

It’s like everything freezes at the text tone, the breath-like glow of the plants, the wiring of the servos that regulate the feeding and watering of the plants, the tick of various testing machines. 

The breath in both of their lungs.

Then,

Fucking then,

Tony practically rips himself from Peter’s hold. 

He stumbles back as if he anticipated more resistance and Peter winces because all he had been concerned about was that Tony might hurt himself with his hair tangled in Peter’s hands, not with the force of getting away. 

“I’m so sorry.” Tony says as he backs himself to the door. 

“No, I -” 

“No, kid, this is entirely my fault, I just -! I am so so sorry.” Tony says emphatically and Peter tries to explain, tries to tell him something. 

Anything. 

But then Tony’s gone, his hurried footsteps echoing dully through the hall, into the living room and quickly, so quickly into the elevator. 

Peter is crushed but also incredibly confused. 

He and Tony were close, really close. He knew that like he knew how to fix Bucky's arm. And he had been nearly completely positive that Tony was flirting with him at dinner, Peter had flirted back. Beyond that it seemed that Tony knew just about everything about him. There’s a reason it got to a point at dinner that everyone would just look at Tony for Peter’s side of the story, right? He wasn't sure exactly what he'd done wrong. If it was the whole thing or some small move he'd made but - 

The man had practically ran from his apartment. He must have screwed whatever up royally. 

Peter lets out a breath once he remembers the lungs in his chest do more than simply add to the pain in and around his heart and throat. 

“Lights.” he croaks out after a minute of breathing around the lump he can’t seem to swallow back. He feels cool metal wind itself around his neck and a small binocular head bury itself there, too, with a couple of sad whirring clacks. 

That’s the thing that breaks him. 

Peter cries, hugging the little robot, clutching at them like their little arms around his neck were the only thing keeping him from truly, completely falling apart. Once he’s cried himself out he leaves his lab, strips, and gets himself cleaned and ready for bed on muscle memory alone.  

His little ‘bot sits on his nightstand and pets his hair with their little grabber claw hands until he’s asleep, the quiet clicks and ticks sending him off gently and deeply.

Previous / Next

#amnesia #temporary amnesia #team as family #fluff #angst #happy ending #starker #tony x peter #peter x tony #ironspider

[authoressskr]

Riding Shotgun

Written for: @sdavid09’s TaleTeller’s ‘What If’ Challenge

Characters: Sam, Gabriel, Dean, Castiel, John (Mentioned), Mary (Mentioned), Bobby (Mentioned), Lucifer, Michael (Mentioned), Adam, Azazel (Mentioned), God Squad

Tags/Warnings: Language, Canon Divergence (It’s a ‘What If’ Challenge, ya’ll), Supernatural-type violence

Summary/Prompt: What if instead of being Lucifer’s vessel, Sam was Gabriel’s vessel?

Tagging: @sdavid09 @lyndsay88

Notes: Thoughts/Prayers are in italics. Beta’d by @thewhiterabbit42

There are several things that Gabriel knows for certain: sugar-free was no way to live if you didn’t have a medical problem, he looked fabulous in every color, and Sam Winchester – second born of John and Mary Winchester – was his true vessel.  True, Gabriel enjoyed this vessel--five feet eight inches of golden haired and golden-eyed, sugar-fueled sex god and Trickster-- but he could feel the tugging thrum of Sam’s being reverberate around him, calling out to him.

Fate had dealt an odd turn.  Sam should have been Lucifer’s vessel, but Azazel had chosen the youngest one, Adam, to curse with demon blood.  Maybe he saw something darker in the half-Winchester.  All Gabriel saw was a cosmic joke… the kid with the name of the first human created is his big brother’s human-hating vessel?  Classic.

And because Azazel hadn’t chosen Sam, Mary had survived.  For a few months, at least.  One vampire, hidden under the stairs surrounded by his nest’s drained victims, evaded death at Mary and another hunter, Jim’s, hands.  And a week after their hunt ended, he showed up on Mary’s doorstep.  They made quite a racket as they tumbled together at the entryway – John stumbling towards the sounds and trying to pull the crazed man off Mary as Dean began to shout “Mommy!” from the stairs.

“GO TO SAM’S ROOM AND LOCK YOURSELF IN!”  John snapped the order to his four-year-old, and he used every military advantage to pull the man from his wife.  Once he heard the man’s arm snap, the assailant turned to look at John, mouth stained red and dripping with blood.  But what made John stare were the razor sharp, pointed teeth.  Mary held a hand to her throat, pointing towards the umbrella holder.  John scrambled for it while pinning the man down, but Mary had dragged herself the few feet to it and pulled out a machete.  She shoved at John’s shoulder then brought the knife down, embedding the end into their floor and decapitating the man that John was kneeling over.  

“Jesus, Mary.  Honey, are you all right?”

“Hospital,” she murmured, clutching to his sleeve as he rose, holding her against him.  “Get the boys.  I’ll start the Impala.”  John nods before shrugging off his robe and wrapping it around her.

“Keep the pressure on it,”  He orders sternly before taking the stairs two at a time to his sons.  He knocks softly, not wanting to startle his son anymore.  “Dean, buddy, let me in.”  

Obediently Dean opens the door a crack before stepping back into the room to allow his father entrance.  Sam’s little wheeled crib is pressed against the wall by the closet, and Dean’s tiny blue plastic chair is seated in front of it like a guard.  

“Good job, Dean.  We’re gonna go for a drive, okay?  Go get your shoes.”  

He got Sam wrapped in a thick blanket and grabbed a few diapers and wipes before helping Dean into his shoes and leading them downstairs.  He kept Dean on his right so he wouldn’t see the body still lying in their doorway.

He loaded the kids in the car carefully before speeding to the hospital.

It was that night that John discovered the dangerous side of the world.  It was that night, he lost his wife due to severe blood loss from her neck and arm.  It was that night that changed the Winchesters forever.

One choice on Azazel’s part had completely changed everything.  Because he hadn’t made a deal with Mary, since John hadn’t died, he had no access to Sam.  So, he had decided to wait.  They all knew there would be three boys with Winchester blood.  And they’re immortal beings, so what is another ten years of waiting?

He'd seen the Winchesters before, well “seen” in his head – in Heaven before he ditched the boxing ring his brothers had made it into, seen that it all led up to John and Mary, Dean and Sam.  And Kate and Adam Milligan, of course.

If Adam hadn’t been born with a slight heart defect, his mom wouldn’t have made the deal.  Keep her soul and save her son, all she had to do was let him in in ten years’ time.  The next morning, Adam was cleared from the NICU and went home with a healthy heart.

Decisions.  Decisions.  That’s what it really boiled all down to, Gabriel supposed.  Dad had given the world free will.

And as usual, it had come to bite Gabriel in the ass.

First off, the professor deserved it.  Ask anyone who has ever played Clue or failed a class.

The frat boy got his just desserts simply for the fact that Gabriel didn’t like bullies.  And he was already on campus, so why not spread the love?

The scientist who was testing on animals – innocent animals! – got his comeuppance by sewer alligator, which Gabriel still chuckled over to this day.

It really was just a bonus that Sam and Dean had been at each other’s throats those few days.  Part of him found it entertaining.  Truthfully, it made most of him prickle with anger.  It brought back too much of the beginning of the end for him.  In the first few fights his brothers had picked, in the first barbed words.  He hated himself because he knew far too well how this could snowball out of control.

At first, his screwing with the Winchesters was just because he could – a way to pass the time before the big bang.  Partly because they wanted to stop his games.  Mostly because they naïvely thought they could stop destiny.  Could deny the roles they’d been assigned.

Which had led to this, uh, conundrum, he was currently in.

“It all comes down to you and me, Sammy,”  Gabriel snarked, arms wide open in the circle of holy oil the Winchesters had him trapped in.

“It’s Sam.  And no, it doesn’t.  I’m not saying yes to you – I’ll never say yes to you, Gabriel.”

“Oh, Sammich, you’ll say yes.  Desperation.  That noble righteousness you and your brother are so big on.  Maybe you just wanna experience a nice white sand beach before Armageddon.”  He gets no reaction from either brother, or his own.  “Personally, I say we light this candle!”  Gabriel huffs a laugh, grinning at the three men in front of him.  “Michael is gonna do whatever he can to get big bro to say yes.  Oh, and Lucifer is going to con and manipulate his way into the little half a Winchester.  There ain’t no stopping this show, boys.”

“Then why do we need you exactly?  You’re just a runaway with daddy issues,”  Dean snapped.

Gabriel pointed to himself.  “Pot.”  Then he pointed to Dean.  “Kettle.”  

Dean just clenched and unclenched his jaw.  

“Listen here buckos, there is no stopping this.  I’m sorry – I really am.  But you aren’t going to find Daddy,” Gabriel spared a bored look to his little brother.  “And you can’t stop this.  Lucifer is gonna ride Adam’s ass either way.  He’ll face Michael.  And then, well then only one of them will walk away from this winner-takes-all showdown.”

“Heaven or Hell, which side you on?”  Dean’s tense voice is more accusatory than questioning.

“I’m not on either side.”

“Yeah right.  You’re grabbing ankle for Michael or Lucifer, which one is it?”  

Gabriel clenches his fist briefly, too quickly for the Winchesters to catch.  “You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those SOBs. Believe me.”

“Hmm.  Well you’re somebody’s bitch.”  

Gabriel’s lip raises in a snarl at Dean’s words.

“Shut your cake-hole.  You don't know anything about my family.  I loved my father, and my brothers.  Loved them!  But watching them turn on each other?  Tear at each other's throats?  I couldn't bear it!  Okay?  So I left.  And now it's happening all over again.  I just want it to be over!  I have to sit back and watch my brothers kill each other, thanks to you!  Heaven, Hell, I don't fucking care who wins!”  He can hear the tiredness in his own voice at the last line, he feels it trickle down his entire being and drain the well-placed mask he’s worn for so long.

And it’s the Dad’s honest truth – he’s tired.  Of hiding, of lying, of waiting.  The Winchesters twenty some-odd years is nothing compared to the millennia he’s logged, aching for home and for his family.  For something that he can never return to.  For something he knows he can never return to.

“Help us then.  You can help us stop this.”  He looks at Sam, takes in his words, and grimaces.  There’s a spark of hope in those hazel eyes and so much determination to stop this.  They’ve convinced Adam not to say yes – for now.  Gabriel sighs, he knows the outcome.  He’s known all along.

“It’s destiny.  I'm sorry.  But it is.”  His voice is softer now, sadder.  “Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow. But this is real. And it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be.”  And then Gabriel watched his true vessel, Dean and baby brother Castiel walk away. “Uh... okay. Hey, guys? So, so what? Huh? You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?”  Dean paused at the door, leveling Gabriel with a harsh stare.

“No.  We're not.  Because we don't *screw* with people the way you do.  And for the record?  This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped.  This is about you bein' too afraid to stand up to your family!”  

Gabriel glared at the eldest Winchester, watched as he pulled the fire extinguisher system and the flames slowly died all around him.  

“Don't say I never did anything for you!”

A handful of months later he feels that tingle, the one that spreads terror into his gut.  Shit.

Adam had joined Team Winchester simply to try to buy himself some time from being the Devil’s new clothes.  But it was Sam’s disjointed thoughts Gabriel heard echoing in his head that concerned him.

“This is the nicest place we have EVER stayed at.”

Gabriel locked onto his location fairly quickly.

“Hit the road.  Fucking biblical type storm.  Pie.  Nowhere.  Norman Bates.  Elephant.”  

Fuck.  Gabriel could sense the gathering, all those gods.  Kali had told him they were meeting, but now he had to go to pull Sam’s ass outta the fire.  Lucifer wouldn’t harm his brother’s vessel or his own – he needed them.  But he didn’t need Sam.  There was a chance he would just use Sam to get Dean to say yes, and he couldn’t have that either.

“Rats in a maze.”

Gabriel hated not having options.  Backing an archangel into a corner was not wise.

Plus, where here the hell was Cas?  Gabriel pops into Muncie, Indiana using his Grace to keep him from prying eyes.

“Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup.”  All three brothers scoff before Sam heads to the freezer door.  “Motel hell.”

“Help us!  Get us out!”

“Hurry up!” Adam shouts, moving forward with Dean help Sam.

“I’m going as fast as I –”

“There’s somebody behind me, isn’t there?”  And with that, they are all unceremoniously dragged into the Grand Ballroom.

“We are so boned,” Adam sighs before one of the men shoves him down into a seat.

“Gods?”  Sam repeats as the dark haired man begins to go over the ground rules.  “Oh, we are so, so screwed.”

As the gods argue, Dean looks surprised while Adam is pretty much broadcasting that this is pretty par for the fucking course.  Sam’s mind is trying to recall as much lore as possible as they argue before looking to his brothers and rising slowly from their seats, the chandelier crashing suddenly to block their escape.

“Stay.”  Kali orders, glaring at the brothers before looking at the gods seated around her.  “The archangels – the only thing they understand is violence.”

Well, for the most part she’s not wrong.  Damnit, now he was gonna have to step in.

He uses his Grace to throw open the doors of the ballroom before waltzing in.

“Can’t we all just get along?”

“Gab –”  He quickly silences all three Winchesters, smirking mask set firmly in place.

“It’s always wrong place, worst time for you muttonheads.”  Stepping between Sam and Dean.

“Loki.”  Baldur states with calm annoyance.

“Baldur.  Good seeing you, too.  I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.”

“Why’re you here?”  He asks, standing.

“I’m here to talk about the elephant in the room.”  Ganesh starts to rise.  “Not you.  The Apocalypse.  We can’t stop it, gang.  But first things first.”  Turning around to face the three men, he meets Sam’s gaze briefly.  “The adults need to have a little conversation.  Check you later.”  And snaps them back to their room.

“Gabriel!  Next time I tell Dean to keep driving…!  Shit.  This is so screwed.  So, deeply, uber, armageddon screwed.  Gabriel!  Get your feathered ass here now!”  The thoughts which are normally articulate, nerdy, or planning are disjointed as Sam is conversing with his brothers.  So much so that Gabriel is having trouble hearing this thoughts, talking the gods down and trying to overhear their actual verbal conversation now that all three of their brains are lighting up with adrenaline and keep shouting his name.

“Gank a few freaks along the way if we’re lucky.”  Seating himself comfortably on the couch behind Dean – Mercury really outdid himself cushion-wise, he made a mental note to mention that to him.  If they all lived long enough, that is… Noting the youngest Winchester’s seated position on the bed – is that as comfortable as this couch? – his blonde head in his hands.

“And when are you ever lucky?”  Dean turns to face Gabriel while Adam simply lifts his head from his hands.

“Oh, you know what?  Bite me, Gabriel.”

“Maybe later, big boy.”  And he shoots a wink at Sam, who just clenches his jaw.

“I should have known –”  Dean begins, gesturing towards the room.

“Maybe you guys could stop for two minutes?”  Adam snaps, looking from Dean to Gabriel.

“Hey, look, it has a backbone!  More Winchester in you now than wimp, huh?”  Standing from the couch, he’d definitely would need to pop one of those into his hideout, Gabriel sighed at the situation.  “Listen here, I’m the Costner to your Houston.  I’m here to save your ass.”

“You want to pull us out of the fire?”  Adam asks, bracing his hands on his knees.

“Bingo!”  Gabriel smiles triumphantly before glancing at Sam once more, whose thoughts have just turned from what is going on to what is he up to and how is this supposed to help?  “Those gods are either gonna dust you – which the God Squad won’t tolerate – or use you as bait.”  Gabriel curls his middle and ring fingers down, gesturing to the boys.  “Either way, you’re uber-boned.”

“Wow – ‘cause a couple months ago you were telling us that we need to play our roles.”  Dean shifted from one foot to the other, planting himself more firmly between Gabriel and Sam.  Maybe it was unconscious, maybe it was just that Dean always had to protect Sam.  All Gabriel knew is it was pointless.

“Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the Lambada.  But not tonight.  Not here.”

“And why do you care?”  Dean’s question surprises Gabriel.  He shouldn’t care.  Really his only concern should be getting Sam to say yes or hiding away on a private island surrounded by women of all shapes and sizes in skimpy bathing suits.  Not here.  Certainly not trying to save his little broken adoptive family.

“I don’t care.”  They all look unconvinced.  “But, me and Kali, we, uh…had a thing.  Chick was all hands.”  No one was going to appreciate that pun.  All hands?  Come on!  “What can I say?  I’m sentimental.”

“Sam, you gotta listen to me.  Convince Dean to leave.  Lucifer WILL turn them into fingerpaint.  You know I’m not lying to you, Sammich.”

“Do they have a chance?  Against Satan?”  Sam steps forwards, towering over his current vessel.

“Really, Sam?”  Dean sneers.

“You got a better idea, Dean? I mean, it’s worth a shot, right?”  Adam shifted his gaze from Dean to Sam, landing on Gabriel.

“It's a bad idea. Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger paint. So let's get going while the going's good, hmm?”

“O.K. Great, why don't you just zap us outta here then?”  Dean rolls his eyes, exasperated.

“Would if I could, but Kali's got you by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell. You boys are on a leash.”

“Well that’s just great.  So glad we cleared that up,”  Adam groans, letting himself fall back onto the bed.

“Okay, yeah. Well, whatever. Well, we're gonna take the hors d'oeuvres in the freezer with us.”

“Forget it. It's gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks outta here.”

“We can’t just leave them,”  Adam interjects as Sam glares at Gabriel.

“They called you Loki, right? Which means they don't really know who you are?”  Dean ventures and Gabriel doesn’t care for the new direction this is heading in.

“Told you. I'm in witness protection.”

“O.K., well then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, legion of doom about your secret identity. They don't seem like a real pro-angel kinda crowd.”  

He takes a step closer to the eldest Winchester who now realizes he has Gabriel in a corner.  “I'll take your voices away.”

“We'll write it down.”  

Another step closer, his golden eyes boring into the emerald ones.  “I'll cut off your hands.”

“Well then, people are gonna be asking, "Why are you guys running around with no hands?"

“Fine.”

Gabriel went to seduce the blood off of Kali (which didn’t work well – ended up her collecting his blood too, Daddammit)…now Gabriel, Archangel, Messenger of the Lord, Loki and the Trickster was bound to Kali by blood.  Funny, he hadn’t seen that coming.  Maybe his charm was wearing off?  Nah, that couldn’t be it. Kali has him march obediently back to the ballroom and not five minutes later the Winchester trio was tossed unceremoniously in as well.

“Well, surprise, surprise.  The Trickster has tricked us.”

“Kali, don’t.”  Gabriel warns.  But he knew he’d be outed sooner or later.  This just isn’t how he pictured it really.

“You're mine now. And you have something I want.”  Her red painted nails press familiarly against his chest before sliding into this jacket, her hand wrapping firmly around his blade. “An Archangel's blade. From the Archangel, Gabriel.”  She’s waiting for an answer from him.  Like he should soap opera gasp and fan himself like a real southern lady.

“Okay, okay! So, I got wings. Like Kotex.”  He pauses a half second, his gaze meeting her’s.  “But that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer.”  And then Kali rammed the blade into his chest and white-gold light spilled from his eyes and mouth and Gabriel, last Archangel son of the Lord, slumped into his chair.

---

Sam felt a flicker of something as Gabriel died, but couldn’t quiet place the moment as Adam shouted “No!” beside him.  Dean took a deep breath and rose, now out of angelic help to help kill Satan.

“Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.”  Dean began, wiping his hand over his mouth.

“Are you outta your mind?” Sam half-whispered, looking nervously at his big brother.

“You’re surprised?”  Adam sighs out, but his body is just as tense as Sam’s.

“I'm outta options, Sammy. Now on any other given day, I'd be doing my damndest to, uh, kill you. You filthy murdering chimps.”

“Oh good, insult the things that could kill us,” Adam mutters under his breath, but Sam catches it and really, he does have a point.  But it was a hell of a situation they were in.

“But, uh, hey, desperate times. So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats, you dicks, I'm gonna help you. I'm going to help you ice the devil. And then we can all get back to ganking each other, like normal. You want Lucifer, well, dude's not in the Yellow Pages. But me, Sam and Adam, we can get him here.”

“How?”  Kali asks, looking from Dean who tossed back a generous gulp of whiskey to Gabriel’s body then back to Dean.

“First you let those main courses go. Then we talk. We can either take on the devil together, or you lame-ass bitches can eat me. Literally.”  

Sam and Adam both huffed out an annoyed breath, but rose to stand beside Dean as Kali and Baldur share a look before nodding.

“Fine.”  Baldur agrees before he gives a wave of his hand to dismiss the other gods.  “You’ll return here after you’ve released the entrees.”  

Sam clenches his jaw at the way Baldur refers to the people, but follows behind Dean as Adam stands nervously by his chair.

Sam picks the lock a lot faster now that he knows what to do and ushers the people from the freezer to Dean who is waiting in the lobby to herd them out.  Once he finishes he joins Adam in the ballroom, waiting for Dean.

---

“Come on everybody! Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Alright, alright, go, go, go! Get outta here!”  Dean looks around a tad bit suspicious before he hears it again.  It’s coming from the Impala.

“Psst! Dean! Don't look at me! Act natural. Get in.”  Dean rolls his eyes but opens the driver’s door and slides in.  He turns to address the archangel in his backseat, looking him up and down.

“Man, there is nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead.”

“You think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me!”

“Then what do they have in there?”  Gabriel grins at his own genius.

“A fake! Made it out of a can of diet orange Slice. So, uh, go snag our blood, would ya?”

“What?”  Gabriel slides from behind Sam’s seat closer to Dean, his tone a little louder.

“I heard you in there. Kali likes you. You can get close. Lift the plasma, then we vamoose.”  Dean clears his throat at Gabriel’s plan.

“No. Hand over the real blade. Better yet, why don't you sack up and help us take down Lucifer.”

“You can't be serious?”  Gabriel gaffs at him.

“Deadly.”  Dean’s face is that perfected mask of seriousness his father had usually worn and he couldn’t seem to shake now.

“Since when are you butt buddies with a bunch of monsters? That's all they are to you, aren't they?”  His sarcasm was alive and well, glaring at the hunter.

“Alright, you know, Sam was right. It's nuts but it's the best idea I've heard, so unless you have a better one?” Dean raised his eyebrow slightly at the Norse god.

“Well, good luck with that.”  Gabriel scoffs. “Me? I'm blowing Jonestown. Those lemmings wanna run off a cliff, that's their business.”

“I see right through you, you know that? The smart-ass shell, the whole “I could give a crap” thing? Believe me, it takes one to know one.”

“That so Dr. Phil?”      

“Yes. And maybe those freaks in there aren't your blood but they are your family.”

“They just stabbed me in the friggin heart!”  The archangel exclaimed, shifting away from Dean in the backseat.

“Maybe, but you still give a crap about 'em, don't you?”

“Dean.”  It’s almost a plea rather than the admonishment Gabriel was going for.

“Now they're gonna die in there, without you.”

“I can't kill my brother.”  Gabriel admits.  He feels it deep down, that’s a fight he doesn’t want.  His brother taught him, teased him, sided with him against Michael and Raphael.  He can’t kill Lucifer.

“Can't or won't?” Dean watches Gabriel’s golden eyes flitter down.  “That's what I thought.”  And shoves the Impala door open and leaves Gabriel pondering his decisions.

---

“So you're going to summon Lucifer.”  Kali states rather than questions, raising a delicately arched black eyebrow.

“Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running.”  Adam answers, waving a pale hand in front of his chest.  Sam smirks at his answer.

“Breaking them would be easier.”  Kali replies, Adam and Sam’s eyebrows shooting up before Sam’s settled into his trademark bitchface.  Dean swaggers into the room, and Sam knows it isn’t good news by the set of his mouth.

“Show's over. Sword's a fake, and Gabriel, he's still kicking. I hate to break it to you, sister, but you've been tricked.”  

Baldur clenches his jaw before looking down at Kali.  The lights around the ballroom begin to flicker, the fear palpable as everyone knows what this heralds.

“It’s him.”  Adam swallows hard, shifting to his left to get a tad farther from the doors.

“How?”  Kali snaps, annoyed.

“Does it matter? Shazzam us outta here, would ya?”  Dean tells more than asks, looking from Kali to Baldur.

“We can’t.”  Baldur replies before the doors swing open to reveal Lucifer Morningstar.

“Of course you can’t.  You didn't say "mother, may I?" Sam, Dean, Adam, good to see you again.”  Adam stares at Lucifer, his vessel is peeling and spotty, and now, covered in blood splatter thanks to the unseen carnage lying just beyond them in the hall.  Baldur shifts, straightening his posture while glaring at the archangel.

“Baldur, don't.”  Kali warns softly, but Baldur moves forward anyway, anger radiating from the Norseman.

“You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?” Sam wants to yell to Baldur that he is too close, but before he can even form the complete thought, Lucifer’s hand is sticking out of Baldur’s back, ripping him apart from the inside.

“No one gives us the right, we take it.”  Lucifer even gives his fingers a little wiggle before shoving him down and off his hand.

Kali’s sharp features turn from concerned to enraged, flames licking from her hands up her arms.  She throws her hands forward, sending the flames hurtling at Lucifer, Sam and Dean tossing Adam over the table for cover before jumping over themselves. They hear a few more loud thumps, flinching at the sounds before looking at each other.

“You okay?”  Sam asks, looking from Dean to Adam.

“Not really. Better late than never, huh?”  Sam is startled by Gabriel appearing to his left besides Dean.  He tosses a dvd box at Sam before clasping Dean on the shoulder.  “Guard this, with your life.”  Gabriel rises, Angel Blade grasped tightly in his hand as his big brother is blown backwards through the Grand Ballroom’s doors.

“Lucy, I’m home.”

Be careful, winged ass monkey. Sam prayed, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat as he looked to his brothers, who rose up carefully as Gabriel eased towards Kali, sprawled on the floor.

“Not this time.”  Gabriel wrapped his free arm around her waist, hauling her upright and letting the Winchesters fall in line behind him. “Guys! Get her outta here.”  He pushes her towards the door and gives one last look not at Kali, but at Sam.

That’s Mr. Arch winged ass monkey, Sammikins.  Gabriel snarks back, turning to face his big brother.

“Over a girl. Gabriel, really? I mean I knew you were slumming, but I hope you didn't catch anything.”  Is the last thing Sam hears as they make their way down the hall, carefully avoiding as much of the slaughter as they can in their haste to get to the Impala.

“I'm not getting in that thing.”  Kali’s voice is loud in the silence of the night, the only noises being made are their footfalls on the wet concrete and the squeak of the driver door as Dean pops it open.

“Just get in the car, princess.”  His tone is commanding, and yeah – a bit arrogant for Kali’s tastes, but they have to put miles between them and Lucifer and they all know it.  Gabriel is buying them time and it’s too precious to waste.  

Sam opens the door for Kali as Adam climbs into the back seat behind Dean.  Baby’s motor starts and Dean scans the lobby and surrounding area one last time.  Just before Sam slips inside the car, he pauses.  He can hear Gabriel inside: “Because Dad was right. They are better than us.”  And then once he’s sitting in the front seat, shotgun, where he belongs – beside Dean – he hears a question, so softly he almost misses it.

Won’t you be my neighbor?

It’s so corny, yet so vulnerable and Sam knows, just knows that Gabriel isn’t going to walk away from this.  His bag of tricks against Lucifer are limited and he’s just buying as much time as he can for him.

Yes.  He prays back, before it feels like his whole body is a livewire – he feels like he’s moving too much, like he’s bouncing down a rough back road at high speeds and at the same time his whole body’s got a numbness to it, like full body novocain.  Then Sam blinks and it’s over.  What felt like at least a handful of minutes is in reality an outpouring of milliseconds.  He doesn’t feel different, not really. But something is off.  Then he hears Gabriel’s voice, like he’s perched, arm’s folded with his head propped on top of his wrists, on the back of the bench seat Sam’s sitting on.  Sam nearly turns to, then reminds himself that the car is silent.  No one has said a word.

It’s another fifty or so miles before Kali barks out an order to pull over.  When Dean does, he grabs her wrist before she can disappear.

“Blood.”  The four vials appear in her hand and she crushes them then flames burst from her palm, engulfing the shards and liquid.  Then she simply disappears.  And while they can’t take a deep breath yet, they push on until day breaks and they’re close to the state line.  Dean asks for Sam’s laptop and pops the dvd in that Gabriel had wanted them so badly to keep safe.

A red screen appears, scrolling credits while cheesy “porno music” plays in background.

“Oh Jesus.”  Adam mutters as the title appears.  Casa Erotica 13.  Dean wrinkles his forehead and looks at Sam, who just gives a small shrug.  How the hell was he supposed to know what this was?  Although, knowing what they knew about Gabriel, this wasn’t anything they shouldn’t have expected.  He is, after all the guy who put them on a Japanese gameshow that hit Sam in the balls.  Hard.

“Dear Diary, being a high powered business president is super-fun. But sooo exhausting. Sometimes, I just need to relax. I need Casa Erotica.

“Room Service!”

“Come in!”

“Gabriel wanted us to guard this with our lives?”  Sam asks, raising his eyebrows as the woman sits up on the bed.

“Maybe he's a fan. It is a good one.”

“Really, Dean?”  Adam sighs before looking back to the screen.  And as the door open, there’s Gabriel,  Messenger of the Lord, Archangel, and Trickster, wearing a fake mustache and a service waiter’s outfit, big silver tray held aloft in one hand.

“I've got the kielbasa you ordered.”

“Ooh. Polish?”

“Hungarian.” Gabriel tosses the dish onto the mantle, it clattering to the floor as he moves into the room.  Adam looks at Sam, then Dean as they hear Gabriel and the woman kissing and giggling.  All three Winchesters look disturbed and even Dean is rethinking the whole porn loving aspect of his life in this moment.  Then the giggles turn to moan from both of them.

“What the hell's going on?”  Sam tosses up a hand in exasperation, gesturing towards his laptop.

Right after he asks, Gabriel turns to the camera, removes his mustache and smiles.

“Sam, Dean, Adam. You're probably wondering what the hell is going on.”  Then there’s laughter, light and just a dash of actual humor in it, rolling through his mind.

Gabe?  Had he been just saying goodbye earlier in the car?  Had Sam not said yes quick enough?

“Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead. Oh please! Stop sobbing, it's embarrassing for all of us.”  

Dean looks at Sam and Sam knows it’s because Dean was hoping for a different outcome if Gabriel fought with them to stop Lucifer.  Now they had no chance to ice the Devil.  

“Without me, you've got zero shot at killing Lucifer, sorry! But can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from? It's still down there. And maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You gotta get the cage open, trick my bro back into it. And uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey, details, right?”

Adam looks excited at this prospect.  He doesn’t want to be Satan’s vessel anymore than Dean wants to be Michael’s.  

“And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know -- the key to the cage? It's out there.”  They all exchange a look. “Actually it's keys, plural. Four keys, well, four rings. From the Horsemen.”

Well, fuck.  

“You get 'em all, you got the cage. Can't say I'm betting on you boys. But, uh, hey! I've been wrong before.”  

They all take a deep breath.  At least it’s a new plan – a new way to stop the end of the world.  

“And Dean, you were right. I was afraid to stand up to my brother, not any more.”  Gabriel rises, puffing his chest out a tad as that shitty smirk rolls across his features.  “So this is me, standing up.”  Sam grimaces cause he can guess where this is going.  “And this is, me, lying down.”  Gabriel turns, lifting the woman with ease and tossing her onto the bed before leaping on top of her.  Clothes begin to fly as they both moan in tandem and Sam slams his laptop closed.

Don’t worry, Samsquash, you saved my feathery Kotex ass.

Holy shit.  Does - does Lucifer think he killed you?

Uh yeah.  I am the Trickster.

So, you gonna help now?

Not like I got anywhere else to go, Sammy.

“Horsemen, huh?  Well we got War’s.  We nicked Famine’s.  That’s two down.  Collect all four?”  Dean lays out, rapping his knuckles on the Impala’s hood twice.  “All we need is Pestilence and Death.”

“Oh, is that all?”  The sarcasm is oozing from Adam as he runs a hand over his face.

“It’s a plan.”  Dean assures him as Sam plucks his laptop from the roof, and climbs into the passenger seat.

Do you know where Pestilence is?

Find a dickwad demon and then follow that trail.  Sorry – Gabriel yawns – I’m a little outta juice.  We’ll pick this up later, Sammich.

Angels don’t sleep.

No, but I gotta recharge the batteries.  Faking one’s death, making a porno, and jumping aboard the good ship Samuel is a lot of work.

Fine.

Hey, Sam?

Yes, Gabriel?

You gonna tell your bros I’m riding shotgun?

Not right now.

I know how you boys are with secrets, might as well rip this band aid off.

Aren’t you supposed to be resting?

10-4 on that, Sammy.  Lying to the bros.  Gabriel out.

Sam rolled his eyes as they drove towards the nearest motel to rest and call Bobby with this new information, looking out the window.  How was he supposed to tell Dean and Adam that Gabriel wasn’t dead, but was now inside Sam?  Something they had all sworn not to do?  Sam rested his head against the window as greenery flew by and he was happy, at least for a moment.  Gabriel wasn’t the nicest angel, but he had come back and bought them time.  Whether he liked it or not, Gabriel was now firmly Team Winchester and it was sort of nice, Sam thought, that they had Castiel and Gabriel to watch over them and help.

I always knew you were a softie.

Shut up, Gabriel.

Maybe Sam had thought that too soon.

#taleteller's what if challenge #what if challenge #what if Gabriel's true vessel was Sam Winchester #Supernatural #spn #authoressskr writes #gabriel #sam winchester #dean winchester #adam milligan #hammer of the gods #maybe a part 2 later

[bewareofchris]

My entire dash is posting Tony discourse so here’s mine:

+ I didn’t like Cap in Avengers.  I didn’t like Cap in Captain America (whatever his first movie was).  I thought he was boring.  However, Cap is 100% all about getting shit done and he understands that means people dies and maybe he dies and maybe we all die but the man has already literally committed suicide to save people.  It’s not even a little bit shocking that he wouldn’t like Tony when they first met.  Tony rolls onto the scene brash and arrogant as he usually does.  These are things I like about Tony, he’s confrontational and he’s a trouble maker and YES he also is a genius and he has recently dedicated his life to trying to better the world and that’s are admirable but their core personalities still aren’t people that would get along without effort.  This doesn’t make either of them villains.

+ For that matter, they were supposed to have reached a point of mutual respect for their very different but equally important skill sets.  That was the point of the whole final battle (In The Avengers).

+ There’s no telling how many missions they did together as Avengers, or how much time they spent hanging out together.  We don’t get to see them getting along because the MCU doesn’t show us that.  We only get to see them when they’re at odds; maybe that’s because in the MCU Tony and Steve aren’t pals or maybe that’s because Age of Ultron was predominantly a clusterfuck.

+ Tony doesn’t like Steve (at first, over all) IN PART because his Father did like Steve.  If the MCU spent anymore time giving Tony unresolved father issues it would have to move its genre to Lifetime.  It’s entirely possible that Steve doesn’t like Tony because of Howard too.  Either he feels like Tony is too unlike his father or he feels Tony is very like his father and being around him reminds him of the fact that literally everyone and everything he knew is dead.  I mean take your pick

+ it was abundantly clear in Iron Man 3 that Tony needed Actually Medical Attention.  Whether or not Tony’s friends noticed/understood the symptoms and ignored them/encouraged him to get help remains up to the viewer to decide.  Since the story line of that movie wasn’t “Let’s get Tony to Counselling!!!!” it wasn’t relevant enough to put into the movie.  This doesn’t mean Pepper/Rhodey/Happy didn’t notice or try.  It just means it didn’t show up in the movie so you can argue whether anyone cared canonically or not.  (Except Bruce, who fell asleep while Tony told a story.)  But the end of that movie heavily leaned toward “Tony’s All Better Now!!”

+ I spent all of Iron Man 3 literally screaming about how stupid it was that none of the other avengers are there.  WHY WOULDN’T THEY BE THERE.  WHY WOULDN’T TONY CALL THEM.  WHY WOULDN’T THEY CARE.  Because the writers, that’s why.  Or because the contracts for the actors.  Or some other not-actually-related-to-the-characters/plot reason.

+ BUT THEN THEY DID AGE OF ULTRON, THE CLUSTERFUCK.  I’m speaking here from a purely story-teller’s POV when I say that the only reason that Tony thought up and bullied Bruce into helping him make this World-Killing Machine was the Writers had no No Better Ideas.  They were like: well we only have a few of these guys left and only one or two of them are smart enough to do a thing and we made Hank Pym old and irrelevant so fuck him I guess Tony who was Mostly Better in the last movie has to relapse into crazy-face shenanigans.  I don’t think Tony was wrong or bad to want to create something that helped the world, or that would have acted like a shield.  I think Tony shouldn’t have done it alone.  Or in secret.  Or without telling anyone.  Which is what he appears to do in Age of Ultron (the clusterfuck)

+ I tell my kid like 100 times a month: “If you’re hiding it from people, you know it’s wrong,” when she gets into stuff she shouldn’t and takes things that aren’t hers an tries to smuggle candy to school.

+  Tony is a dick.  I love him but he’ a dick.  Steve’s a dick too.  But we can’t all go around pretending that Tony isn’t a dick.  

+  Or that Tony has trust issues and literally has never shared his toys ever.  I could list examples of Tony hiding his creations and refusing to share them but I think we’ve all seen the movies.

+  None of this makes Tony a bad guy.  Tony just makes choices based on his own personality and his own experiences and his own fears.  Which is EXTREMELY HUMAN.  

+  Cap is not a glorious savior of mankind who is without fault and always right.  He is, however, the Hero Type.  He is portrayed as righteous (which gets annoying) and also Right (sometimes by accident).  My sole beef with people attacking Cap is that they always try to drag Bucky into it.  I’m bias because I love Cap/Bucky as friends, boyfriends, roommates, whatever I don’t care.  But even in MCU Canon, Steve is willing to risk his own life/give up everything to save Bucky.  They established that in Winter Soldier.  He was like: sure go ahead Bucky literally beat me to death that’s fine I’m here for you.  For Steve, Bucky is that cinnamon roll too pure for this world and he must be protected at literally all cost.

+  This brings us slowly around to the shitstorm that is Civil War.  Civil War’s entire plot is stupid.  I’m just going to say that outright.  They never actually established the Avengers as a fully-functioning tight-knit group of friends/co-workers/fellow-heroes.  You know that Sam and Natasha like Steve well enough to work with him/do dangerous and stupid things with him.  They trust him and respect him and you know that because you’ve seen it actually happen on screen.

+ Civil War starts out doing a huge disservice to Tony.  From a story-telling point of view, at NO TIME is Tony’s story line presented fairly.  While he is not the villain (there almost isn’t a villain in this, what’s his face with the sibera plan was too pathetic to count) he is CLEARLY the Antagonist(ic plot device).  They show him trying to cope with his life by spending way too much money on Virtual Reality Toys.  They make sure we know that he still hasn’t properly dealt with his parent’s death.  They set up that he’s exhausted, more or less.  His girlfriend (who was a major step for him considering what a massive fuck he was prior to Iron Man 2/3) has left him, he’s struggling with his PTSD (one could argue stems all the way back from when he was attacked/kidnapped/tortured/etc), he’s struggling with the loss of his parents (and if his parents, you could also so he’s struggling with Obadiah who we all forget because he’s a bitch but its heavily insinuated he was a Father figure prior to that time He attacked Tony and then Tony had to kill him).  Let’s just say it’s no surprise Tony is Struggling.  Civil War takes a man who just needs to get some sleep, a quiet place to think and possibly intense medical intervention and sets him up with the world’s stupidest idea ever.

+  I’m not knocking the Accords, but if i have to read one more post about how Steve Was Very Wrong for not signing them, I might start screaming.  I’m not here to talk about whether or not Steve was Wrong.  But it’s no surprise Steve didn’t sign.  Steve who lied on multiple enlistment forms.  Steve who defied direct orders from the military.  Steve who was a USO performer and an honorary Captain who did Very Fucking Dumb Shit that happened to Turn Out Ok because he was the Hero and for literally no other reason.  Steve who rolled up to Hydra-Shield with like 2.5 friends and thought he was going to save the day (AND HE DID, BECAUSE HE’S A HERO AND IT’S INSANE THAT IT WORKED).  There’s no surprise that Steve doesn’t want to sign a sheet of paper that says he has to follow orders given to him by someone higher up.  It’s just not his personality.  He trusts himself, he always has, in literally every situation he trusts himself and his own judgement over everything and everyone else.  That’s good/bad depending on how you want to look at it, but that’s all it is.

+  Incidentally, Tony usually thinks the same:

+  So lets assume that Tony agreed with the Accords on the basic principles they stand for.  That he was like: you’re right we need these, we need to have accountability.  Because while he’s a jackass and all he did go through that huge moment in the first movie where he discovered he was accidentally supplying terrorists and he flipped his shit.  Tony does NOT want his Legacy to be War and Death.  I respect this.

+  Civil War does not set up Tony to be viewed without bias.  They set him up to be an obstacle that Steve has to overcome.  The language they use is passive-aggressive and desperate.  I’m not saying that Tony is, but (In my case) it’s not even about Tony wanting the Accords for the Good of the World.  He wants the Accords to protect his friends.  And he’s willing to bully/beg to get them.  So everyone signs, Tony gets his Accountability because the Avengers are World-Wide Property now, and he also gets to keep his friends.  For me, personally, the Accords are a steaming pile of shit.  And at no point did I even understand why Tony wanted them.  Or why Natasha signed them.  Rhodey?  Yes.  Rhodey is a Military Man.  Rhodey makes complete sense.

+  a few other disservices that Civil War does to Tony: They have him “imprison” Wanda “for her own safety” but then have Steve & Friends break her out (and then Steve frees all the other Avengers from jail).  They have him COMPLETELY IGNORE evidence that some shit is not right and instead have him focused on begging Steve to join the Accords.  This is my biggest beef.  If Steve/Tony were ever friends, then Steve should have gone to Tony and said: “look this doesn’t seem right to me.”  At which point Tony the Literal Genius and Dude who Created a Flying Suit to Right the Wrongs should have said, “yes it does seem fishy”  Even if Steve didn’t sign the Accords there’s 0 reasons that Tony couldn’t have still seen that something was up and put into motion a plan to do something about it.  There should be no reason (assuming Steve/Tony have actual respect for one another and have worked together before) that Steve shouldn’t have trusted Tony to do that.  

+ I’m not talking about Steve going after Bucky before anyone else could.  There’s no universe were Steve wouldn’t have gone after Bucky once he knew where he was and that he was in danger.  I mean all the shit after that.

+ Tony gets his BFF paralyzed, he enlists an ACTUAL CHILD, and puts half the Avengers in jail.  (I mean not him himself actually but that’s how the movie is set up.)  And then after all that, and after a whole movie of him ranting about this is the only way, Tony goes to Siberia.  Tony does the EXACT THING that all the others were trying to do DESPITE HOW THEY WERE JUST PUT IN JAIL in DIRECT CONFLICT of the ACCORDS.  I don’t care if you’re in love with Tony Stark or not, that shit is ridiculous.  I mean, that is the Single Reason that I walked out of this movie furious at Tony Stark.  It completely eclipsed every shred of sympathy I had for the man.  It made everything that happened before completely meaningless.  

+  But that’s what the story demands.  This whole movie (like Avengers, like Age of Ultron) seems to only care about pitting the heroes against one another.  Like, AT ALL COSTS.  If Loki had met up with What-his-Fuck (siberia guy) before Avengers, that little horned asshole would be running the planet because Civil War is x50 as masterful at manipulating Tony vs Steve as any other movie.  

+  I’m just going to say this: Siberia’s guy plan is bullshit.  That video being queued up for Tony to see is ridiculous.  Steve having never told Tony about his parents was shitty

+ (but a side note here, how many of you would be lining up at your friend’s house to tell them the practically useless news that your semi-frozen brainwashed best friend forever had actually murdered Friend 1′s parents while under the influence of Hydra when you have 0 reason to think that this information will EVER BE RELEVANT.)

+  Steve “Values the Truth, but also disobeys orders and keeps secrets, and chooses his one BFF over all his new friends” Rogers didn’t tell Tony “I’m so emotionally vulnerable and lonely, confused and yet nobody seems to notice” Stark about how his parents really died.  It was set up in the movie to be a Huge Deal and it was meant to Punch You in the Guts.  You can feel about that however you want to feel but at the end of the day, for me, shitty choice with shitty consequences or not, it was definitely a believable choice.

+ The big fight at the end of the movie was fantastic.  It was all kinds of pretty colors.  But as aforementioned in basically every Cap movie ever, Steve is never going to chose someone over Bucky.  Not the world, not Tony, not Himself.  Bucky > all other things.

+  The final, most lasting insult to Tony in Civil War is that it makes Cap the hero.  Cap saves the Avengers, Cap saves his friend, Cap sends that letter.  You can say what you want about the letter, about whether it was a real apology or not.  I thought it was.  Some don’t.  

+  Tony’s story line deserved better.  Tony deserved better.  This movie set him up to be seen as a selfish, thoughtless, desperation-driven asshole while it made all those same qualities seem heroic on Cap.

#civil war #Avengers #Captain America #tony stark discourse #again