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seb-owns-these-tatas · 4 years

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Tickle My Pickle (Bi!Tj Hammond x You)

Characters: NSFW. Needy!Bi!TJ Hammond x You

Summary: You were in the midst of reviewing for your exams and Tj barged into your home with a need to tickle his pickle. But, then you asked where his pickle was and everything turned upside down. Including you. ;)

Warning: A LOT of sexual references. Tj being one needy hottie. Tj being pranked by his friends with some certain type of drug. Wink wink nudge nudge. No smut yet, but words are straight to the point in this one.

Words: 1,371 words. Short. I know. Heehee. I plan to cockblock y’all.

A/N: IF YOU’RE NOT 18+ PLEASE LOOK AWAY SMOL TATER TOT.

Oneshot Taglist: @anxiousamandapanda @hopefulfangirlblr

Disclaimer: GIF'S and PNG'S aren't mine, however the whole one shot and edits are rightfully mine to begin with.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME. ALSO, DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT AND REBLOG, TATER TOT!

"God, I need to tickle my pickle,"

Tj Hammond blurted out loud as he deeply let out a sigh. Exclaiming his exasperation at everything happening around the world.

The handsome baby boy was slouched opposite of you. Top part of his body was unclad; wearing nothing but a pair of black, tight, ripped jeans. He sat with his back lazily behind the couch and at the same time, Thomas was fiddling with the pendant dangling around his neck. The silver, stainless object being one lucky charm at having the moment of its life by getting the opportunity to lay on Tj's lean, protuberant chest that you've loved to caress.

You've audibly huffed. Eyes solely on the annoying pendant that Tj has been fiddling since the moment he got there. Thus, you got no other choice but to sit in front of the cute, white, table with legs crossed while you tried to get a full on review for your test tomorrow.

You've lifted your head prior to nose diving on your notebook. A questionable gaze falling back towards your huffing baby boy who had his Crimson lips in a cute pout. There was a small smile urging your face to contort, "Your what? Tickle your what now?"

The latter huffed another audible sigh, grumbles left his lips as he shook his right leg up and down in an anxious manner or rather in a sense that he was having filthy thoughts inside his head that looked like he was riling himself up. You knew him and his ways, even knew his minimal gestures and your boyfriend seemed to be in a thirsty state that only you could satiate.

"My pickle," Tj grumbled with a tight crease of his perfectly shaped brows, voice turning gravel-like and a lot more frustrated as his leg swung faster like he was nervous or something.

"Where's your pickle? What pickle?"

Thomas didn't know what to do at that response and it just urged him to chuckle so lowly that your response made him thwart even more. He tightly bit his lip and unconsciously spread his legs apart. Manspreading at it's finest and it made you snap your eyes towards the center of him where a bulge began to tent since the moment he arrived. Nape languidly falling on the back of the couch as he momentarily closed his beautiful baby blues with a leg still swinging up and down like he was trying hard not to take off his clothes for you.

You've inspected his actions, the way he was swinging his leg up to the part where he had a prominent bulge wanting to come out of his pants. Did he seriously just took something to make himself suffer?

Your stressed out baby boy sighed a deep one, unconsciously smoothing his hand down his clothed thighs with his damp hands, his thumbs giving a swipe on the apex of his thighs before closing and manspreading his legs apart. "--And the most dumbest woman goes to...drumrolls please," Tj uttered out loud with emphasis, hands clapping together like an idiot which made you give him the stink eye, "Y/N Y/L/N!"

Now that the notebook was forgotten. A point was ticked for a man who had a mission and you noticed him grin with his eyes closed. You turned your book shut and frustratingly inquired, "What? I don't even--whatever, Hammond,"

With your hands behind your back, you've scanned your troubled baby boy. He was now sitting up right, head lifted off the couch and his set of pretty baby blues focusing on you. He licked his lips and eyed your over sized shirt. Taut nipples could be seen and he knew you were beginning to be distracted; to be turned on.

You boyfriend managed to drop a hand in the middle of his clothed thighs, thumbs softly caressing the fly that was bound to be opened. He subtly groaned to himself and just wanted to have his release since the moment he'd been on Tone's party, the latter couldn't stay put. Especially when he had received a drink from the birthday boy himself. He didn't forget to leave a loud cuss back in Tone's home because a little while later after he'd taken his drink, Tj began to sweat and feel so hot. The type of hot that he needed to quench and he didn't need those male model or women who was invited to relieve the itch he'd been feeling. That was Tone's mission, but his was different. His friend probably didn't even know that his relationship with you was actually serious. In Tone's perspective, how will it even be serious when he's a thirty year old man and you're a college student who managed to run into him in the supermarket where he had first seen Sean.

Tone has been telling him not to be serious in this relationship he had with you because what if history repeats itself and Tj unfortunately had his heart up his sleeves again?

It's like the memories brought back memories because what happened back when he saw Sean, eventually happened when he ran into you. He was scared at first because his first thoughts was that maybe it'll be a repeat of the disaster he'd had, but once he began to feel the happiness you always bring, those negative thoughts slowly went away. Slowly but surely.

"Did you just take some Viagra or something because you look bothered?"

The tone in your voice was a complete cringe. You were straight out staring at his straining bulge that seemed to stress out of its confinement, eyes squinted at the tent raging inside his pants. You reluctantly stood on your feet, planning to see if the bulge was even real. But, the truth is you just wanted to touch him.

It's been days since he hadn't visited you. Especially that you were having your exam week and you've restricted him to visit you in the midst of your review because god knows how he was a complete, utter distraction for you.

Says the feet that unconsciously went to where he sat.

Your question has been ignored by the latter, Tj didn't know how to tell you that he was pranked by one of his closest friends. Offering him a drink but actually had Viagra inside of the liquor. He couldn't help but groan at how stupid he was for not noticing his friend's grins when they offered it to him. Now, he was left all hot and bothered. Too hot and too bothered. "You are seriously the most ignorant little thing," he gravelly spoke as a matter of fact. Teeth subtly biting his lower lip as his mind simply went downwards. He could just imagine you licking his balls for all he care.

Damn, yes. He wanted you to lick his balls with all your might.

He groaned out loud and whined like a baby who haven't been giving the candy he'd been asking, "Are you even my girlfriend? Think I need to find a boyfriend too so he could tickle my pickle? Get it?" a chuckle left his lips and it grew an invisible blush on your face once you've realized what

"Oh," you wanted to smack yourself on the head for being stupid, "Oooooh, you meant--"

Your Tj nodded a huge one. Humming as he does so and his pretty baby blues met yours in a longing and devouring state, his face contorting into a grin as he languidly got his back off the couch, leaning closer and grabbing a hold of your hand. Beautiful pair of eyes gazing back up, completely naive from the salacious proposal of giving himself to you. His thumbs slowly caressed your burning knuckles, both of your bodies hot for the itch that was bound to be scratched. He languidly maneuvered your knuckles to where his lips rested, tenderly giving it a kiss. The provocativeness of drawing his kisses till the tops of your wrist created a ball of knotted butterflies in the pits of your stomach as you noticed Tj's pupils dilate in a manner that could get you kneeling before him in a hot second.

"Yeah, I meant I wanted to master bate, get my cock sucked or maybe if I’m lucky enough, you’ll let my pickle inside that exceptionally tight jar of yours, Love."

RAW AND UNEDITED. NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY TJ. TSK.

DO Y’ALL HAVE BLUEBALLS NOW--LOL. HAHHAHAHHA. IF YOU WANNA BE UPDATED WITH MY POSTS, GO FOLLOW ME AND TURN ON THE NOTIFICATION BUTTON OR SEND ME AN ASK/DM ME IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED WITH EVERY ONESHOT I POST! NOW, WHO WANTS TO TICKLE TJ’S PICKLE? HEEHEE! GO COMMENT, REBLOG AND GIVE THIS ONESHOT A HEART!

#Sebastian Stan #tj hammond smut #tj hammond #tj hammond imagine #tj hammond x reader #tj hammond x you #Bi!tjhammond x you #bi!tj hammond #bi!tj hammond x you #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #tatasmasterlist #seb-owns-these-tatas #tatasworks #political animals #Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes

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7-wonders · 5 years

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Everything All At Once

Summary: Summers are supposed to be fun, not stressful. Whatever deity is pulling the strings in your life never got that memo, apparently.

Word Count: 3651

A/N: Sorry for how long it’s taken me to post this! Life has been crazy lately. Enjoy, and if you did I would love if you left a like, comment, or reblogged!

The process of moving, while normally quite stressful, is made simple with magic on your side. Boxes are packed according to room in a matter of minutes, dirty floors are cleaned with a glance, and the need for a moving truck is eliminated when items can just be transmuted to your new home. Even dealing with the bigger pieces of furniture that you no longer need, such as your bed and the couch, is an easy task when your new Antichrist roommate can just snap his fingers and send them to a thrift store in need. That last act is done much to Michael’s chagrin, who presents the admittedly tempting option of dropping them on your enemies. In mere hours, your once-full apartment is now completely empty. You’d be lying, however, if you said you were going to miss it. If anything, you’ll miss the certain sentimental value that your first apartment holds within its walls, but the cons of this place (a shower that never heats up, testy thermostat, that one time there was a family of mice living under your kitchen sink, and so much more) far outweigh any pros that could convince you to stay.

Adjusting to living with Michael full-time, however, proves to be the main challenge of your move. Just redecorating your room caused his face to turn a sickly shade of white, horrified that the once-pristine black and silver color scheme has been taken over by tapestries and fairy lights. It was especially painful for him to comply with your request to remove the large pentagram on one of the walls, but you suspect he did it because he doesn’t want to make you mad. He’s already aware of just how monumental a concession of living with him was, and he would rather not push his luck. Your new living arrangement, though, is going to be the only victory you give him if you have anything to say about it.

“No school for three months, then?” Michael had asked when you were hanging clothes up in your closet.

“Thankfully.”

“So I suppose I’ll be seeing a lot more of you since you won’t be darting in and out between classes.” His tone was all too hopeful, and you hid a smirk at the meaning that he wasn't doing a good job of hiding.

“Well yeah, when I’m not working.” You weren’t looking at him, but you knew that his jaw was clenched tightly.

“Why would you be working? You’re aware of how much money I have at my disposal; there’s no logical reason why you need to have a job.”

“How else am I going to pay you rent?” He breathed in harshly through his nose, and you buried your face is a shirt to keep from laughing.

“Excuse me? You--you don’t have to pay me rent, (Y/N), you’re my wife.”

“You’re letting me live with you, it’s the least I could do.”

“If,” Michael stopped, choosing his words carefully, “if that’s what you would like to do, then I suppose I cannot stop you.”

“Thank you!” you said cheerfully, going back to the task at hand while humming a song that had been stuck in your head.

It’s not like you’re that determined to keep paying rent now that you live with Michael. In fact, if this was any other person and not the Antichrist insisting that you don’t need to pay to live on their property, you would happily oblige. With Michael, though, things have to be made a little difficult for him. Ever since the contract negotiations during your first weekend at what you’ve come to refer to as Langdon Manor, you had remained adamant that nothing would change just because you were now bonded in unholy matrimony. For the most part, that has remained the case. It’s also just fun to see how mad you can make him before he needs to go be alone in his office, but that’s besides the point.

Nannying, although not glamorous work, pays better than any other job you’ve had. Getting to look after cute children is also a plus, and they keep you busy enough where there’s never a dull moment. The two kids that you nanny, sisters Maggie and Sarah, love going to the pool and playing make believe. They play so well together that you often find yourself just reading a book and keeping an eye on them while they decide to run a daycare or start a school. Easy work, even if the hours are sometimes less than ideal. Their parents, a doctor and a police officer, work odd hours and have a penchant for date nights on Fridays, which is often their only time off without the kids. It’s not an inconvenience to you; extra hours equal extra money, and the girls go to sleep early enough that you can just watch videos on your phone until they arrive home.

The only one who has a problem with your hours is Michael, of course. You’ve suspected since the house party three weeks ago that he’s been trying to figure out how to ask you out on another date, but obstacles have managed to shake up any plans he may have. He’s not the most subtle, asking you on every Wednesday what your plans are for Friday while trying too hard to look like he’s not invested in your answer. By this week, your third straight Friday date night shift, he’s over it.

“But tomorrow you don’t work, right?” Michael asks from the speakerphone. Your phone is resting on the kitchen counter, the girls in the living room while you make a dinner of chicken and rice for everybody.

“Nope,” you say, leaning back to make sure the girls are still watching their movie instead of beating each other over the head.

“We’re having a movie night tomorrow.”

The tone of finality in Michael’s voice makes you laugh. “A movie night? Michael, have you ever even seen a movie before?”

“Yes, (Y/N), I have seen a movie before.” You can almost hear how he’s rolling his eyes right now. “You can pick the movies, and I’ll worry about the snacks?”

“No. Knowing you, your snacks will be something like pickled eyeballs washed down with a tall glass of ice cold blood. I’ll be the one in charge of snacks.” You can’t resist slipping a joke in there, and Michael sighs heavily.

“Fine. I’ll see you when you get home?”

“Yep, bye.” You hang up the phone curtly when the oven beeps, more focused on pulling the chicken out than crafting a sincere goodbye.

Turning around to put the pan down so you can slice the chicken, it’s not at all surprising to see the girls sitting at the table and staring at you. The two love to eavesdrop, especially when it comes to people talking on the phone.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Sarah asks, her blonde curls bouncing in her ponytails.

“No, he’s not, and you shouldn’t be listening in on other people’s conversations.” It’s impossible to be serious, and a smile plays on your lips as you dish up three plates and put them on the table.

Right as everybody starts to eat, Sarah gasps and bolts up from her chair. “I forgot Aunt Stephanie!” You look at Maggie for an answer as Sarah runs off, but the older girl just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“Do you have an aunt coming over? Your mom didn’t tell me anyone else was going to be here tonight,” you ask.

“No, it’s a picture that Sarah keeps in her room, sometimes she likes to have it with her.” Sarah comes back as Maggie explains her sister’s actions, clutching a framed photograph to her chest. Setting it down next to her, you see the senior portrait of a smiling blonde girl staring back at you. Her hair is crimped in some places and straight in others, reminding you of the 90s, and she’s wearing classic goth makeup.

“She’s pretty,” you compliment, smiling as Sarah digs in.

“She’s up in Heaven, so we never met her,” Sarah replies in that easygoing tone that all young children use to reveal information in.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you say awkwardly, not really sure how to respond.

“Dad hardly knew her, either,” Maggie retorts. “He was little when she was killed.”

“Your aunt was killed?”

Maggie nods, smirking since she knows something you don’t (ten year olds are going to be the death of you), “uh huh, she died in that school shooting, the one at Westfield High School?”

“Well, at least you get to hear some neat things about her from your family.”

The girls both nod and go back to eating their food, but you just stare down at your full plate, pushing the food around with your fork as your hands shake imperceptibly. Like a puzzle, the pieces all click together. You nanny for the Boggs family, the patriarch of which had a sister named Stephanie, who was killed in the Westfield High massacre. The massacre that was perpetrated by the unwilling sperm donor from which Michael sprung, Tate Langdon. Everybody knows about the infamous Westfield shooting in the way that everybody knows about Columbine or Sandy Hook. You just didn’t know that the family of one of the victims was now employing you.

It’s something that sticks with you long after the girls have gone to bed, and even as you drive home after their parents (the Boggs’, you remind yourself) arrive back from their date. Whether Tate was influenced by the Devil or not, he is still ultimately responsible for the choices that he made. This legacy, the dark thoughts and the murders and the horrible things, extends far beyond Michael. Tate may consider Michael to be the penultimate evil, one who he could never be associated with, but it’s true when they say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Michael’s still awake when you get home, having gotten in the habit of waiting up for you since you still lived at your old apartment and he would wait for your text to let him know you had made it safely. He’s sitting in the main living room (of which there are three), reading a book and petting your cat, who’s curled up peacefully on his lap. You toss your shoes and bag in your room before sitting down next to him, picking up your now-disgruntled cat and cuddling her to your chest.

“What are you reading?” you ask him, not able to see the cover that’s obscured by his hands.

“One of those Harry Potter books you told me to read. I must say, I am enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would.”

“Goblet of Fire, that’s a good one. I’m glad you like it.”

Michael marks his place in the book, setting it down next to him before giving you his full attention. “How was your day at work?”

“It was...okay?” Michael frowns slightly, not pleased with that answer.

“Did something happen? Did the children finally act out with their parents gone?”

“No, it’s nothing like that, it’s just--something they said,” you trail off, picking the skin around your thumbnail instead.

“What did a ten-year-old and a six-year-old say to you that rattled you this much?”

“There’s no easy way to say this, especially when you’re looking at me with those eyes,” you mutter, looking up at him. “Their aunt, I guess, was killed in a school shooting. The Westfield High one?”

Michael looks at you seriously, your recollection of the girls’ words obviously catching him off-guard. “And that got you thinking--” “Not in a bad way or anything, you know I don’t blame you at all for Tate’s sins. It just...got me thinking, I guess.”

“About how much fate must hate us?” Michael laughs bitterly.

“Tate,” you ignore Michael’s last comment, too lost in your thoughts, “loves acting like he had nothing to do with you and that you two couldn’t be more different when, in reality, you’re more alike than he cares to admit. I mean, he shot up a goddamn high school and set his stepfather on fire years before you were born. It really should not have surprised him that he fathered the Antichrist, whether it was willingly or not.”

“I wouldn’t shoot high schoolers, that’s far too messy.”

“I know that, but what I’m trying to get at is that everything, in some sick and twisted way, all comes back to you. I can’t even go to work now without being reminded of you and the carnage that the Langdon name has wrought upon the world. The same name that I carry now too, I guess.” You laugh bitterly at your misfortune, knowing that you can never escape Michael wherever you go.

“You’re being too introspective for your own good tonight, (Y/N). You need to breathe, okay?” Michael takes your hands and forces you to focus on him, making you realize that you’re barely huffing out shaky breaths. “Like you said, you don’t blame me for Tate’s sins. While I have done bad things, they are all to serve a greater purpose. Tate--he was just a dumb kid who hated the world and wanted to kill people in an attempt to feel something.”

You stare at him, repeating Michael’s movements and taking deep breaths while trying to calm down. You’re not sure why this has freaked you out so much: maybe it’s because you’re married to the sire of this mass shooter, or it could be concerns that any future children that you may have with Michael (God forbid that ever happens) would carry a bit of that darkness in their souls.

“We’re having an impromptu movie night tonight,” Michael says suddenly.

“Why not wait until tomorrow?” Maybe it was a distraction tactic, but it certainly did its job.

“You’re too worked up to sleep, and I worry about you being alone with these dark thoughts swirling in your mind. You need something to take your mind off of it.”

“But we don’t even have snacks.”

“Go check in the kitchen, the staff tends to overstock it with food I would never eat. I’ll pick the movie. Put on some clothes to watch a movie,” the thought of sweatpants calls your name at that, “and meet back here in ten?”

You nod, running your hands over your feverish cheeks before standing up and walking towards your room. As you throw on your favorite sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants, you can’t stop thinking about your outburst. The knowledge that you were babysitting the nieces of one of Tate’s victims shouldn’t have messed you up like it did, and maybe it’s just you being overly paranoid. Whatever the reason, you’re more than eager to find some candy and popcorn and eat enough sugar to make your thoughts go numb.

There’s plenty of candy hidden on one of the shelves of the staff pantry, and you leave an apologetic note explaining that there was an emergency and promising to restock tomorrow. The popcorn selections are endless, and you end up popping two bags when you can’t decide. Carrying the goodies back to the living room, you see that the lights are dimmed and there’s a nest of pillows and blankets on the couch. The movie’s already cued up on the television, and you smile at the familiar music playing through the speakers.

“Sorcerer’s Stone?” you ask, sitting down next to Michael and pulling a blanket over your lap.

“I’ve never seen the movie before, and since I already finished the book I want to see which one I like better,” Michael explains sheepishly, stealing some popcorn from you and pressing ‘play’ on the remote.

It’s easy to get lost in the magic of Hogwarts, even though Michael keeps making snide comments about how he doesn’t need a wand to do more impressive magic than that. You let them slide, not too bothered about it when you constantly point out differences between the book and the movie. You both finish the first movie strong, albeit with a lack of snacks, and eagerly pop in the second to continue the marathon.

Throughout the course of the movie, you had inched closer to each other ever so slowly. Using the excuse of forgetting to move back after stealing a snack, or having to move in order to have an equal amount of blankets, results in the most awkward move you’ve ever seen someone pull. Michael, under the guise of shifting to get more comfortable, tries to sneakily slide his arm around your shoulders. You notice the ploy almost immediately, and smirk at him when he thinks he’s pulled it off.

“Really? What teen movies have you been watching lately?”

“You knew?” Michael asks, withdrawing his arm from where it’s sitting around your shoulders.

“Michael, that’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. Of course I knew.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, cheeks bright red as he looks back at the screen.

“Just because I called you out on it doesn’t mean that I’m not fine with it.” You’re not sure where this sudden streak of bravery came from, but you’re going to take it and run with it. Grabbing his hand, you place it in the previous position of being draped over your shoulders. Leaning into Michael’s side, your head rests on his chest as your eyes go back to the movie. “This good?”

“Yeah, this is--it’s fine,” Michael’s voice comes out at a higher pitch than normal, and you bite your lip to keep from laughing.

It’s a lot more difficult to continue watching the movie as the night wears on, and you find yourself more focused on just trying to keep your eyes open than on how Harry and his friends are going to figure out what’s petrifying the students. Michael can tell that you’re on the verge of sleep, nudging you gently every time you start to nod off. “I’m up,” you’ll always reply, “just resting my eyes for a sec.” It’s amusing, and he would send you to bed were you not so adamant that you’re completely awake.

“(Y/N)?” Michael calls gently, your tired eyes flickering up to him.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think that...well, do you think that you could ever, uh, like me?”

“I do like you, dumbass. Why else do you think I’m sitting here watching movies with you?”

“I know you like me as a friend, but I mean--could you ever see yourself thinking of me as something more?”

“Is this because of what I said earlier, about your legacy?”

“Yes and no. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time.” You’re awake now, and you sit up and pull yourself out of his embrace.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

“I’d rather we discuss it now,” Michael says carefully, knowing that you’re starting to get stand-offish. “(Y/N), you’re very aware of my feelings for you and that I believe what my father has told me about the two of us. I just want to know--I deserve to know how you feel about me.”

“Do you even know how hard it was for me to trust you after you kidnapped me?” you ask, standing up and clicking the TV off. Michael stands up with you, making sure you don’t run off before he’s gotten some answers.

“I thought we were over that by now!”

“We are, but--”

“Then what’s the issue?”

“The issue is that you’ve been in love with me from the moment you first saw me, and I don’t even know if I can let myself have romantic feelings for the fucking Antichrist!” The anger in Michael’s eyes is extinguished, replaced with a crushing sadness.

“You told me that you didn’t blame me for how I was born,” he says quietly. You bite your lip, realizing you just hit him in his weak spot.

“I don’t, Michael, but you’ve also done a lot of bad things, you’re doing bad things, and you’ll continue to do bad things.”

“I would never do those bad things to you. Everything I do is to benefit the plan that my father has.”

“But what if one day his plan changes and you have to kill me?” you shake your head, wrapping your arms around yourself to protect against the sudden chill in the air. “You can make all of the excuses you want, but at the end of the day you’re still the Devil’s son, murdering and plotting the end of the world.”

You should have stopped long before this, but the words just won’t stop flowing out of you now that you’ve spilled them. Michael runs his hand down his jaw, nodding slowly. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

He’s thrown you off, and you’re sure it’s obvious that he has. “What?” You’re expecting him to yell, throw things, and maybe slap you again. Instead, he’s eerily calm.

“I asked for you to be honest, and you were, so thank you.” He turns to leave, his movements stilting and robotic.

“Michael,” you reach for him, unsure of what you should do.

“Get some sleep, you’ve had a long day.” Michael smiles weakly at you, his hand resting on the door frame. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nod dumbly, mutely, unable to do anything but watch as he leaves. Suddenly, you’re entirely too aware of how he must have felt all the times he wounded you with only his words. It’s a bitter feeling, one that replaces the lingering sweet taste of candy with sour words you had spilled so recklessly. It’s a taste that won’t go away, long after brushing your teeth and falling asleep with the taste of salty tears on your tongue.

/////////////////////////

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#michael langdon #michael langdon imagine #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon x you #ahs #ahs imagine #ahs imagines #ahs apocalypse #american horror story #american horror story imagine #american horror story apocalypse #american horror story imagines

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crackedship · 4 years

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Nursery Paint Wars

See my masterlist to read other chapters.

Feyre was living a dream.

Well, mostly, when she wasn't hit by dizziness or fatigue, heartburn or some morning sickness. But honestly, that was karma- she had bragged about feeling wonderful too soon.

She thought Lucien and Rhys would become unbearably fussy over her (which they did on the first two weeks after she told them), but after so many talks over dinner, lunch, late at night- just everytime they could, both of them understood she was not an invalid and the baby wouldn't just fall of her uterus because she was doing something like tying her shoes. Yes, they did insist on tying her shoes, even when her pregnant belly wasn't in the way yet.

She couldn't have asked for better people on her life. After her previous relationships, all the fights with her family, she found a home. A true home, where they laughed and loved and understand. They carried all the good and the bad together.

Her boyfriends even put up with her most crazy swings. In one second she was tired and in the next she was up and doing a dance party at 3 am. She was clingy and needy for her boyfriends, but then she was too hot and bothered to be around them. They had some dumb fights over stupid things.

But they laughed and did everything as she asked. They left her alone, fulfilled her kinks and most importantly bought her weird food at weird timing. So far, pickles proved to be a real craving, as the cheeseburgers. Also peanut butter ice cream, lemonades, carrot cupcakes, eggplant lasagna (that sounded gross, but cauldron it was so fucking delicious) and extra hot chicken wings.

At first she thought it would be sad because she couldn't get drunk for nine months, but it turned out she felt high all the time. Looking at her boyfriends faces, their happiness and care for her was all she could ever dream of. Feyre didn't know love could feel like this. It made her heart feel funny and she would tear up while staring at them.

It was a good thing she opened her galery with her friend Ressina, since all the doctor appointments, all the symptoms, were easier to deal with while working at home. She was about four months now- contrary to all other mom's out there, she refused to count it in weeks. It was too confusing and Rhys was more than happy to be extra and do that for her.

At this point, they could tell if it was a boy or a girl, but Feyre refused to know. Rhys and Lucien begged for her, saying it would kill them to not know and it would be much easier to call the baby he or she. But she just glared at her lovers, claiming it was not just for the surprise of it, but also because it didn't matter and she wanted the child to pick for themselves.

Now, alone and left to nothing much but her thinking, maybe she was being silly for almost snapping at them about it. But cauldron, didn't they all know how it was to be with a family that did not understand or accept them. She just didn't want to take any possibilities from her baby.

She didn't want them to look back at their pictures and hate how it all was because it's pink for a girl or blue for a boy and that was the rule and nothing else was right or enough. So she picked to paint a huge mural on her firstborn bedroom instead of going boring and monochromatic.

It took some days for them to decide what room would become the nursery. The house house had four bedrooms, one that turned into a studio for Feyre and other that had became an office for Rhys and Lucien. They could easily pick the guest bedroom, but the other two were closer to theirs, and she couldn't do much about her boyfriends plotting against her to pick their office.

It was the only real situation Feyre ended up giving in to their overprotectiveness, even if reluctantly. She was going to use her studio, being the perfect excuse to move it to the attic as she wanted to (it had beautiful skylights that would set the perfect lighting), but they talked her off by remembering her it wouldn't be good to go up and down the stairs everyday with a giant belly and art supplies.

She couldn't lie- she was procrastinating when it come to the mural. It was a lot of work and she wanted to be a surprise, but one of her lovers was always with her most of the time. Not to count on the fact that she got tired really quickly when doing absolutely anything.

But today, her boyfriends had left for work for the biggest part of the day, giving her the perfect opportunity. She had woken up before sunrise, early enough to sketch and make breakfast and move her supplies to the now empty room.

She heard the front door opening and closing, Lucien's brief "honey, I'm home," followed by his steps. For a moment, she considered if she should let him get in or not, but she couldn't take holding the secret much longer, deciding to tell him to come in when he knocks.

"Oh wow," he says as soon as he enters, taking a look at the walls she been painting non-stop for the whole day. "I knew you were planning something big but this… It is perfect, love."

She smiles, getting up from the ground and going to him. She was wearing nothing but a huge old shirt and underwear, covered in paint, yet he holds her close when she reaches out to him.

"I thought it was fitting for the three of us," she points at the mural. It occupied two walls, going from a starry night to the bright blue of daylight, with mountains and trees to go with it. "We are the lights in each others darkness, remember? Do you like it?"

"I love it, and I love you," he says after a while were he just stared at her and then the wall, smiling like she seen few times before and then kissing her softly. "Don't you think is going to overwork you? It is two whole walls, you know.." He looks at her concerned.

She rolls her eyes, simply holding closer to him and nuzzling her face on his chest. "It wont, but if you're so worried, mother hen, why don't you go change and come back to help me?"

He laughs, nodding. When he comes back, changed into old clothes, Feyre is already sitting down to resume her activities. She knows that his painting will be nothing short of making jokes, asking stupid questions about what color goes where and then silently gaze at her with loving puppy eyes. They done this sometimes before.

Everything goes so well they get lost on what they are doing, only realizing Rhys is home when he is already sitting beside them in his italian suit, snapping pictures on all angles possible, including unnecessary close-ups of her belly.

It didn't take much after that for Rhys, not giving a single shit about his expensive clothing, to throw the paint at her. Needless to say it became war pretty fast.

At least, Feyre thought while laying on the ground sprawled over her lovers, looking at the paint covering the wood floor, I won't be the one to clean this.

Perhaps fussy boyfriends had some good uses.

*******

Once again, sorry for any mistakes. This is just based off of my rage against gender rules lol i feel sorry for you if you don't agree.

Eggplant lasagna is a thing and is so fucking great, you should try it.

Thanks for reading/like/reblog ❤️

#feyrhycien #Feysand #feycien #rhycien #feyrhycien au #sjm fanfic #acotar #my writing #rhysand #lucien vanserra #feyre #acomaf #acowar

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bebaexoexo · 6 years

Text

Shit Oh Sehun did in 2017

-Mistook Jeonghan (svt) for Johnny (nct)

-Movie date with suho

-Slayed at the gaon chart award show with a solo dance

-Paris vacation/date with suho

-Got called best dressed man at a Louis Vuiton catwalk and then proceeded to spend the next day walking around Paris with a hood, baseball cap and a cowboy hat on his head all at one time

-Revealed his bed time snuggle routine with Suho, no shame attached

-Was supposed to debut as an Actor Oh in February, but didn’t…

-Was supposed to debut as an Actor Oh in March, but didn’t…

-Got an award for being himself (popularity award)

-Was supposed to debut as an Actor Oh in April, but didn’t…(NoT EvEn a FRackin TraIleR)

-Waved to a tablet instead of the camera, tried to play it cool by continuing to do so

-Posted about his big chilli… 0.0

-Got 15 points on a drawing game while everyone else got over 100 (he drew love hearts and wrote ‘I’m sorry’ for everything and still couldn’t accept being last)

-Howled because of sour pickles

-Members accuse him of being the prime suspect when food goes missing in the fridge, he agrees

-Used binoculars the wrong way round and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see (Suho to the rescue and an embarrassed osh as a result)

-Gets driven around by big brother chanyeol

-CAN SING (might as well be in exo’s vocal line)

-Biyak Biyak 4 lyfe

-Rubbed his head on a random guy’s stomach (who looks like he’s his sugar daddy)

-Made suho sad because he didn’t go to a premier with him, but went to a festival with Chanyeol and guy whose stomach he rubbed his head on

-Danced (????) at said music festival. By dance I mean chicken fingers at the crowd wtf @ exo’s main dancer

-Can ya tell iv given up on the debut of Actor Oh

-Graced his instagram with such artistic pictures of rice, spoons and cereal

-Only one ft BoA returns

-KING OF SPOILERS sehun the cereal rice (kokobop) poster

-KING OF SPOILERS PT2 dancing the dance with kai can you all please stop this isn’t good for me

-Comments ‘is this exo’s official account?’ On exo’s official account

-“What did you do in preperation for this album?” “Loyalty”

-Passionately talked about eel reproduction

-“Favorite fruit?” “Water with ice”

-Gave flowers to the members because he’s their cute baby omfh (it was a punishment but same thing)

-*gives Kai a rose* “it fits you, you’re sexy and dark red suits you”

-Baekhyun confirms Sehuns big DIACK

-“Sehun has absolutely no interest I’m women. How do I know? Sehunnie said he has no interest in women”- Baekhyun

-Bragged about a really good noodle place, took 30+ people to eat and payed for them- but the food was disappointing

-“Say something to the EXO-L for their birthday” *sehun claps*

SUPER ELLE

-*brags about his dog at every chance he gets, literal protective father to vivi* “I am a cat person”

-EXOTOURAGRAM AKA SEHO AND FRIENDS

-“We’ve been roommates for 6 years I want to cross the line”

-Producer Oh

-“I’ve arrived!” \(-°o°-)/

-Date in NYC with suho (ft the third wheel JD)

-Pulls out chair for suho

-“Its enough just to film me, suho’ s voice in the background is fine”

-Couldn’t believe that a waitress in NYC can’t speak Korean

-Theatre date with suho (ft the late third wheel JD)

-Kicks suho out of their room

-SBS power fm- more like 2 hours of sehun whinning and crying from embarrassment while suho laughs

-“I really like chocolate milk. I think it’s love”

-“Sehunnie is upset~ upset~ really really upset… huhuu” AEGAO KING WHAY

-“I’ve been having a hard time too. At times like this, we should all embrace each other. There’s something I always tell the members and that is to to ‘hug/embrace (me)’. Let’s cheer each other on, got it everyone? Cheer up always and yea, that’s it” and this is why we love our baby

-Sehun irl- “I love all my hyungs to the moon and back #se-rang-hai-yo” Sehun in manwha- “who cares”

-LA date with suho

-DING DONG

-“Let’s goo” \(^o^!)__

-Just sehun trying to control his face while riding the drift car

-King of being HOT, calm and panicking at the same time when their car stalled

-Also Oh Sehun driving someone hold me

-Heart-shaped sweatpatch on his back

-“Excuse me… sir… ketchup ketchup yahh… thank you”

-“The hardest time isn’t when we have a lot of schedule but when the members have different opinions (argue). It saddens me a lot”

-Me me da

-Fan- “do sehun and i have something in common?” Sehun- “we’re human”

-Las Vegas date with suho

-Volunteers suho to go sky diving first like the little shit he is

-Wears a dress shirt and leather shoes to sky diving

-Acts like he isnt shitting himself on the zipwire

-Shamelessly wore nothing underneath an easily unzip-able hoodie

-MC Oh

-“Who is the scariest hyung?” “All of them”

-Tries to prank suho by putting a sticker on him, fails misrebly and then loses the sticker

-White suit blue shirt

-Chanyeol saying Sehuns voice is so good he wants to produce him PLEs

-Teary eyed sehun as eXO WIN RHE PRIME MINISFERS AWARD WWKBDUDBDJ

-Hello councellor MC’s @ seho “stop touching eachother are you guys coming out right now?”

-Sehun @ LVTN

-Gets customised bags from LVTN

-Sehun @ Moncler (also makes the CEO come out just to take pictures with him we love a powerful man)

-Peace signs in his pockets when hes told not to do it

-Doesnt follow seungri back on insta because aesthetics

-Omfg okay elyxion antics begins here

-SHIRTLESS SEHUN IMDG THAT BOY JUST THREW OFF THAT JACKETS WTF I JUST GOT OUT OF WORK AND THATS THE FIRST THING I SEE ON INSTA WTF OMG MY HEART I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS GOING ON YET BUT I SAW FOKKIN RIPPED SEHUN AND SHIT THATS JISTVTJE LIFE OMG THIS IS GONNA BE LIT

-Wrote and co produced his solo In At thE CONCERT COZ WE LOVE A TALENTED KING

-Lovingly strokes suhos face during touch it

-Comforts kai, upset because he made a mistske in his solo, during cmb

-Danced to ka-ching with CBX

-Suho “after our concert ended at midnight yesterday, sehun and i went back to our door and boiled 20 eggs. 2 adult men peeled them seriously and ate 10 eggs”

-Kisses baekhyuns neck

-Eats pizza at the concert after holding back for months, members happy give us one last chance at seeing THE ABS

-Went crazy and got chanyeol too drunk on his birthday

-Fansites “please dont crop our watermark we work really hard for these pictures” Sehun ;)

-Cute instalive of him just trying on the filters and telling us not to be stressed and play

-SEHUN IN DEAR HAPPINES OMG GREY SEHUN IS DA BESTZ IN A THIN WHITE SHIRT OMG

-“OK!! goo” *pouts*

-“Hey dog, look at me~”

-“Cheese many manyyy”

-*is just standing there posing* Photographer “youre cute”

-Didnt know it was just him, kai and baekhyun in the lightsaber mv

-“Sehunnie makes the most delicious soju” byun baekhyun

-LEON KOREA

-Makes a personal training room in their dorm that can barely fit his own ass

-Supports suho at his musical despite both going through a tough time

-Struggles with the rudolph hat

-SINGING IN UNIVERSE YES DAS MA BETCH

-Subtly strokes suhos face on a national award show

-Make chanyeol kneel whenever he wants something from him. We love our king

-Curly haired solo on mbc gayo

-A beautiful family picture from Oh Sehun to end 2017

——–

Cr. Lerandomexotic

I had a lot of fun making this, just thought i needed to record sehuns never ending loveble antics etc

Feel free to add whatever else i missed

Hopefully he’ll just keep getting crazier next year too, and exo themselves will grow to be greatet and stronger

Like, reblog & excel

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