#and yet i'm still sitting here

[mightymizora]

She stills, her brow furrowed for a moment as she looks over every corner. Then he sees her lips part ever so softly, and her hand moves to trace the edges of the lines.  “Is this how you see me, Enver?”

From The Portrait.

So I had the absolute bloody (ha) delight of being able to commission the incredible @lokorum to paint the sadly unnamed portrait of an anonymous sitter from Lord Gortash's private collection. I am just so thrilled at how it turned out, thank you for your patience through this process, your encouragement and your kindness. It's been a delight, and I love it so much, I can't stop looking at it!

#manva warhelm #bg3 #commissions #the dark urge #listen I'm going to go off in the tags a bit because AAAAA #what I keep coming back to is how the frenetic energy in the background just pulls you to the stillness of the eyes #and then they're like... not the colour you'd expect #all of the other colours and then these lakes of... stillness? but also the way the colour doesn't sit against the rest? It's SO well judge #we spoke about the colour pallette lots and I LOVE that it's not the expected red and black #(which I gave in the references lmao I love that we went this way) #she's out of her comfort here but it takes her into a new sphere #and she looks so beautiful!!!! #yeah I'm going to be insufferable about this for a while yet

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Culture Shock

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xiao xingchen #xue yang #a-qing #As I sit here and type out my thoughts I realize that the last panel looks like A-Qing is crushing XY's candy...oops. #she's supposed to be crunching her *own* wrapper for dramatic effect. XY's candy is still in XXC's hand. #Hes still standing there. 180 degrees out of frame. Which is where your heart is! MEANING: XXC is in your heart right now #holding out a little piece of candy that has yet to be taken. #This comic was so close to being on the chopping block. Honestly I'm still not sure I should have kept it in #but I liked this scene a lot*** and tbh the yi-city arc isn't around for much longer. Let them have fun while it lasts. #not to mention I have few opportunities to build up spanish speaking XXC. And we are close to the pay off. #XY is in his 'oh god I need to start learning the basics of this language or I will drown' phases. Lets see how well he does! #***The candy represents so much! It's a symbol of unobtainability! Of comfort and status! Both A-qing and XY crave candy as much as they- #-crave those 'unobtainables'! XY has money to by candy (part of status) but he lacks love and comfort is his life! #So XXC offering them this little piece of candy is more than just a treat! It's a piece of love! #But as sweet as candy is....it cannot last.... #(this also makes the scene where XY disrupts A-Qing's comfort by offering candy very interesting to analyze)

[sysig]

Just be honest! (Patreon)

Bonus:

Could be :)

#Doodles #Wander Over Yonder #Emperor Awesome #Commander Peepers #Maybe something less friendship and more something else Eyesome? :3c #Could be :) #Hhhh yet more fun poses and contact points! Especially Awesome's legs and Peepers resting his ''cheek'' on his hand :D #The slight squish upgrading to a full squish with the shape of his eye-cheek changing! I did that and I'm happy about it! Haha ♪ #Plus how fun it is to draw him sitting lightly with his arm on his leg ah ♥ His proportions are so fun #Anyway ♪ Lol #Awesome's feeling all introspective and it's giving him the vapours lol #He's a hedonist! A coward! A gossip! Someone who coasts through life with no care to who he steps on! Except ♪ #Not me thinking Peepers could be Awesome's Wander lol - ''If I stopped hating that one thing then what was the point of hating the rest?'' #As soon as he starts seeing the humanity of one little guy where does that put him ♫ #Personally I think he'd still be a mostly selfish jerk - at least for a while - considering how hard realizing he even Likes Peeps would be #Even here he's like ''This sucks! Being friends with you bites and not in the cool way!'' Lol #He's just being a baby and coming to terms with his feelings #And Peepers might possibly be picking up on that a little bit :) It's still comedically optimized not to worry lol ♫ #Awesome is only starting to approach his own feelings but he's being very obvious - throwing a tantrum even lol #So Peeps noticing before Awesome realizing he should be hiding it way harder than he currently is - he just doesn't know yet! #Probably both blushing up a storm just before bed that night lol ''Can't believe I said all that to him'' ''He takes me seriously'' hehe <3 #It feels good! Trust and understanding slowly building up :) That's what makes me interested in their dynamic! :D

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

#just saw another video of a korean woman who got her eyes “fixed” because she had an “ugly” face #and i just want to rip and tear and bite everyone in the plastic surgery business over there because NOOOOOOOOO #noooooooo #she was so beautiful #her eyes were gorgeous #she didn't need to “fix” anything to look pretty #she was already such a beautiful woman #my heart actually hurts every time a korean woman tells me she's not pretty yet because she still hasn't fixed her eyes or her nose #i'm literally sitting here gnashing my teeth #korean faces are so beautiful #korean woman are lovely to the point that i am actually probably sinfully covetous of their natural eyes and noses #why do we live in a world where beautiful people mutilate themselves to match such a completely arbitrary standard #if you think plastic surgery culture is bad in the u.s....it is #but this entire problem is on STEROIDS in south korea

[bobmckenzie]

me: people are way too vain we really need to stop putting so much stock into our appearances it's not that serious

also me: cuts my hair too short and feels PHYSICALLY ILL over it

#sorry if ive been behind on tagged posts this is why. bc ive been drowning in self pity over the dumbest ''problem'' ever ksdjhfkhsf #i meant to TRIM it and ended up cutting it to my fcking shoulders. worst rated hairdresser asmr roleplay video type mistake here. #my hair grows ridiculously fast itll literally be fine in like 2 months and yet im still like 😑 every time i look in the mirror #im just so mad at myself cause its been so many years since i screwed it up like this 🧍‍♀️ #AND MY SELF ESTEEM WAS DOING SO WELL LATELY!! APPARENTLY THE UNIVERSE THOUGHT I NEEDED TO BE HUMBLED. #i keep telling myself bob would think it's cute but also i probably wouldn't even let him see it 💀 #like i'm gonna be rocking ponytails and claw clips daily until march lol it just doesn't sit right at this length 😔👍 #caitiechat

[puckluckie]

Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin • 12.868 words • Teen and Up

When the stranger moved into Old Lew’s cabin, the only thing that Zhenya found odd about it was that anyone would choose to live in that ramshackle building at all. Maybe he should have paid more attention to his mother's stories.

A @sidgenospookyfest fic for @cascara-soda. Thank you to the mods for organizing the event!

Alternate Universe, Not Hockey Players, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Folklore, Getting Together, attempts at creepiness and gothic tones, Mysterious Strangers, Sidney Crosby's infamous banana bread, Implied Sexual Content

Read on AO3

#puckluckie fic #ship: sidgeno #oh hey super late in posting this #with a header that took me ~5 minutes haha #rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated #I'm still here I'm just trying to coordinate a cross country move by myself #hence why I haven't been able to read any of the other fics yet 😭😭😭 #but I can't wait to when I finally have a few minutes to sit still! #I always love this fest so much!!

[cbrownjc]

So just a heads up (because I've gotten a whole lot of new followers lately, hello! 👋🏾) that I'm likely going to be disappearing for a bit soon. I've got a fic I need to write for the Forgotten Years Series, and it's not even half-finished yet. I wanted to post it by next Monday but that is so not going to happen.

And I don't know what is is about me, but I can't split my focus well between writing metas and writing fiction. So I know I'm going to have to go quiet on the meta front while I'm working to write and finish my next fic. But I'm sure I won't be radio silent for too long (not like when I was first writing Now or Neverland at least). The only other time I was MIA was when I was having some serious health issues at the end of the year, but I'm feeling much better regarding that as well for now too.

But I don't want to disappear again for a stretch without giving everyone a heads-up this time. Especially since, again, I've gotten so many new followers recently. (Hi! 😊)

Edit Update (02/16/24): Given the wank going on in fandom right now, I've turned all asks off for a bit. I've got more writing to do this weekend, and I don't want to get too distracted on here right now. I'll turn it back on again soon.

#I'm not going to just fully disappear tomorrow or something btw #but at some point I'm going to be really quiet when it comes to being here #and I just want everyone to know that I'm still here just focused elsewhere for a bit #ths is one of the many reasons I also haven't opened back up my anons yet #but I for one want to get this series finished before the show comes back #so I've got to sit down and write #personal note #personal #writing #fics

[dreamyeyedrose]

Midnight Sky Blues

sometimes, instead of a person, instead of a being made of flesh and viscera, I feel like a speck of a speck gazing outwards like my entire tiny existence is behind the glass dome of a planetarium.

I hop up on the observation floor and peer out note down all that I can see with my 'scope sometimes it's a telescope, sometimes a microscope sometimes I can't tell the difference.

I observe all that goes on out there and then I hop off the scope, and I pace. and I ponder. and I think and I postulate but mostly I just....gaze up and out.

sometimes the glass above me might as well not exist, because sometimes I see great burning balls of fire and I worry about the flames raining down here other times I peer at a planet and see a lush green and dinosaur party favors, a kind of bliss I've only ever been able to see from here. and I'm viscerally aware that the glass works in the most spitefully impartial way.

sometimes I want to smash the glass above me break out of this scientific cave of misery float up to those planets I see and join in...

but stubborn and cold logic pipes up points out the risk of falling glass, how shortsighted and bloody it could all end up, and even if I break the glass I have no plan to rise through the stratosphere nor any plan to survive the vacuum of space

and on and on it goes, long after I've already dropped the subject.

even when I send communications out they're as polite as can be. I'm aware that telegrams and Morse code work best when the messages are short I still find myself sidestepping any desperate language even if it is the shortest.

I don't want anyone to worry too much. I'm safe behind this glass I reside behind. I'm bored and I'm lonely and I want to fly but I never tap out any messages asking for help, only pictures and descriptions of what they see of me.

#ravi rants #my oc #my writing #poetry #writers of tumblr #this is a poem about overthinking and anxiety lol #things are going really really well #maybe even finally going right #and yet all I can do is sit here and think about all the times I've hoped for things to go right. #I know that this time is genuinely different. there's no one in my life that would lie to me or purposely not tell me things #regardless of any excuse of fear or simply that if I knew the truth I wouldn't do what they want me to do. #I'm aware of all of the facts and differences. I'm aware of all the specifics of how this is actually genuinely different. #and about how I'm not the same bitch that those assholes left to die. #I know all of these things. my OCD has gone over all of the everything enough times. #and none of my planned actions are going to change. #.....even still #I sit behind my glass dome and panic about the sky falling.

[burinazar]

It's a bit funny that to parts of my circles I'm 'the fandom one'/'the fanfic one'/'the shipping one' as the person they know most prominently into such things

because as much as i love writing my fics and shipping my ships my interest in both of those things is, I think, very narrow and specific compared to most people who are into them? due to my habits being like. very particular

#i think some ppl think of me as ahh my buddy who is always reading fanfic and i'm like. look. i would LIKE to be that. but i'm not #it's comically difficult to get me to sit down and read a new fanfic. for no discernable reason #the fandoms i like to read for don't even have big fic scenes but i've still checked out such a narrow portion of them #(and these fandoms are like. just a few. leaving aside MiA's dead tag. LOGH + T&B + Vorkosigan + ...anything else here would be a lie) #(Queen's Thief + Temeraire + TMA are on the backburner rn for reading fic but they were faves before yet i read SO little of what existed) #(everything else i just check out very occasionally or when directly recc'd) #i think mmmaaaybe 'my buddy who reads tons of fic' would be the case if there were new fics about the sages coming out every day #they're sort of a unique hyperfixation for me lol #but there are NOT. instead there are ((checks)) #four (4) english language belavue fics on AO3 that are not by me #AND two of them i would say do not actually have any ship content and were likely just tagged that to be safe #as far as non ship content there are ((checks again)) 21 English language fics tagged with Belaf and I wrote 13 of them ........ #(and 17 for Vueko and i wrote 10. two of the others barely mention her and shouldn’t be tagged lol) …guys i'm starving............ #ok you read to the bottom of the tags you get to hear a selfish wish #i kind of hope that someday...someone will...write some fic about the sages either because of me or for me #gen or ship it doesnt matter #but this kind of thing usually happens in AO3 exchanges though and there aren't ones in this fandom because the fic scene is so miniscule #i'm literally running one right now off AO3 but have a feeling it will end up being mostly art and also didn't put myself in as a requester #since the people participating have largely made stuff for me as gifts before and i have a glut of lovely work from them #and again that exchange will mostly end up being art i feel and not fic. but some other time... i still wish ... more fic... pleae..plaeabs #there are very specific reasons i don't want to host an MiA fic exchange through AO3. i can guess the kind of stuff some people will reques #(the kind of stuff that's already in the tag.) and it's not stuff i feel like moderating an exchange involving >_> so i won't #but god.. ... ..... someday......i hope....there can be an exchange where i ask for somethinga bout these people.............

[weepylucifer]

Remind me to at some point do something about that ficlet i have knocking around in my head where ulixes surprise-visits steban at his mom's place during semester break and steban gets extremely flustered about it

#posts by me #this would be early in their friendship #they met each other in the last semester and instantly clicked but it's all still new. uli hasn't even realized he has a crush yet #he's staying with his parents and they're distant and disinterested and he misses talking to his new friend #and hey steban did give him his family's address ''for emergencies'' and urgently needing to talk theory is an emergency!! #so he heads to villalobos. has the door opened by steban's mom. all very yes hello can my friend come out to play #he's led out back to a little community garden that some people in the apartment block manage together #steban's there helping out bc he's on break. he's in his oldest shittiest gardening clothes. there's dirt on his hands #and mud on his bare feet. uli looks at him in the sunlight and thinks ooohh. i am IN LOVE with you #then steban sees him and is like OH NO. he's not supposed to see me without my nice academic getup #now he'll think [mesque stereotype] [mesque stereotype] [mesque stereotype] #and meanwhile uli's thinking wow he is the most beautiful being to ever exist i want to be communist lovers with him #cue uli sitting in the kitchen with lemonade while steban has a whispered argument with his mom outside #all ''muuuums why did you just let him IN HERE i'm not even properly DRESSED'' and his mom is all oh you want to impress the boy huh? #you want to look nice for the boy? 😏 #and steban (blushing) is like i want the boy to take me SERIOUSLY as an ACADEMIC #like... this is firstie steban. he's still grappling with the whole 'poor kid in a college environment' thing #he hasn't yet learned to simply own it. he's probably trying to suppress his accent when he's on campus. and uli might even be middle class #(!!!) #and like he's not Ashamed of where he's from. his family's great. he... doesn't Hate being mesque. he's not sure yet how it all squares w #his brand-new communist beliefs. where he belongs and what he defines himself as #but he knows this: he does kinda want to impress ulixes. it just feels right to have him around #so he's just very very flustered and confused and trying to act nonchalant about it #steban's mom after fighting tooth and nail for it eventually gets uli to call her by her first name

[fourteenthz]

Im not mad abt viera loosing their nose I'm not I'm NOT

#i haven't see it yet im not mad I'm NOT #mod makers save me..... save me mod makers.... #I was giggling abt everything until i see viera nose..... im fine im good dw abt me #kelly says #fanfest #they are still working on it so ill wait. just. wait. sitting here patiently waiting #genuinely i liked the one before viera looks so much softer now... so much less feral ish.... idk how to feel abt this one chief #looking at that image like giggling abt the lips and the dark skin RAGING for the nose and bigger rounder eyes.... im fine.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

waiting for my period to start is literal terror like i can hear the metaphorical suspenseful music playing and feel nervous and can’t stop checking to see if he’s here and can’t stop thinking about when will it come? will i need to throw away any underwear this time? what if it comes in the middle of the night? should i just sleep on a towel?

#this post is really dramatic but i really hate my period so like it's okay methinks #sometimes you just have to be really dramatic about your period. you know. coping. #okay no look sometimes i throw underwear away that prolly doesn't Need to be thrown away but i have a weird thing with stains so if the #blood doesn't Completely come out - like if i can still see it - then i will never wear it again iuyghtfvdghyuiuytfgdw i hate stains SO MUCH #that's why i set aside specific underwear to wear when i'm on my period and that's the Only time i ever wear it #because they're black and like smaller than the usual underwear i wear so that way there's less fabric to bleed onto #i keep checking because i kNOW HE'S COMING my last one started dec thirtieth and it's always early #it was like five or six days early last month so i know he'll be here early this month ahhhhhhhhh #i just. hate being on my period lol i mean who likes it? #not to be dramatic on main but like. stop tormenting me and just come!!! why can't periods just have a scheduled date so you Know and like a #date that never changes pls and thank you or better yet how about no #periods whatsoever that sounds great omg typing these tags just made me remember why i felt so uncomfortable when i woke up the other day - #i had a dream about stains being all over all the sheets/surfaces i was sitting/laying on omg that's fricking it what the heck #ahem anyways #paul tag #tw periods

[quickhacked]

anyone else with tinnitus feel more disconnected from reality since getting it / it getting worse or is that just me

#personal #it's hard to explain but it kinda feels like an extra layer wrapped around my head that distances me from reality #if that makes sense. at all. it's like i'm stuck in my head a lot more nowadays #which is annoying because i remember what it used to feel like to have like. a very in the moment experience #sitting on a windowsill late at night staring at the stars. sleepovers with friends and grabbing a midnight snack #and i'm two weeks in england right now and i'm having FUN but also i feel so. disconnected about it still? #as if i'm not really here. or as if my brain hasn't realized that i'm really here yet #anyway hi good morning i was having thoughts that needed to be typed out

[polygondotcomvideoproducer]

Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies

#personal #taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it! #its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate #these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers #I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional #what are my strengths? don't have any. next question #what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it #not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far #and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester #my best grade this year has been a c #one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think) #the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe #and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already #and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow #and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again! #so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!! #that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe #and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done #semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already #I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not #this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely #like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human #so in summary: augh the agonies

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[allevils]

it is so fucking cold i can't feel my hands

#simping for the devil (not clickbait!). #i'm sitting here tucked in a hoodie and yet i'm still freezing #i hate it!!! skipped fall and hit winter immediately #who wants to come over and watch horror flicks with me