#and yknow what? they fucking aren't

[beanghostprincess]

it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).

he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?

so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.

both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.

so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.

besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.

sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.

then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.

he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.

and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-

he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).

but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.

and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.

sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.

the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.

hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.

so here we have:

seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger

seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people

not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness

scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.

he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.

and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.

it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.

so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.

he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.

not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.

so, you know, sanji is out of options here.

if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.

besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.

at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.

that's just the way he is.

#this headcanon is literally just me projecting my shit onto sanji ngl #*holds sanji gently* you've changed my life darling i love you so much please take care of yourself #why's he such a good person and why do people always treat him like shit i am violent #i swear all of this makes sense in my head #like he's a person who's always taking control of the situation only bc he feels like he can't control what he's feeling #and yknow feeling is for the weak and men aren't weak and yadda yadda yadda fuck the vinsmokes #his eating disorder is also heavily connected to his views in gender but that's for another day #tw eating disorder #sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #<- i hate this tag btw only using so it gets to more people bc i spent my time writing this ngl #red leg zeff #one piece #op

[krikidilly]

In truth hes very proud of Senjuro for always trying so hard.. eventually he'll manage to say it out loud.

#rui and senjuro are so.. ugh collapses to the floor they aren't Really children of neglect but by god . #(youre projecting) I KNOW.😭 and ill mumble more at the end tags #senjuro rengoku #rui ayaki #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #senrui #kny #my art #like ugh #most of the cast of kny is suffering neglected child syndrome . among other things but that list is too long.another day perhaps #Senjuro is a child of neglect. yes Kyojuro was there and did a wonderful job while he could but. its undeniable that Sen has been neglected #and i feel it. in every interaction senjuro has. he is so very kind and so very willing to help but has so little avenues to go through #with Rui its projection in a very personal way but also i just really feel it in my bones something was off #like his parents seem very kind but also like so many instances of his backstory felt. hand motions. why wasnt someone there. #yknow what i mean????? #anyway whats fucking point am i trying to make #rui and senjuro are both children of neglect and their veiws and mindsets are heavily affected by this and i think together #they could take care of eachother and give eachother a sort of security theyve been missing for so very long #they will be eachothers loving home. #coughs. sorry anyways #ive been keeping it to myself because .worries of no one caring you know how it is #but i have an au very dear to me where Rui assists Senjuro in becoming a kakushi and secret demon slaying and eventually Shinobu #starts helping him as well :-] #senjuro deserves to be taught how to fence if normal swordplay doesnt fucking work #also realizing very late that some reasons i adore senrui are why i adore endouma. i am one note. nobody look at me

[lord-radish]

imagine thinking that trans men are inherently bad or evil or predatory on the basis of gendered privilege and societal power structures. cringe

#transmasc discourse #like the idea that trans men gain male privilege and kick down the ladder to beat on the queer community is astonishingly stupid at best #the idea that transphobia or queerphobia as a whole doesn't affect them because they're Assimilating With The Oppressors is like #man fucking what is up with people yknow #gender essentialism is fucked up and it's the same force that's beaten down on bi ace and transfem people #the fact that this has turned into 'trans rights but only for the women' by some dumb-fuck shitstains is awful #no. trans rights for all. #like let me explain what I mean here: trans men aren't seen as men by transphobes #it's not 'oh you're a fella? crack a cold beer and let's bash some gays'. passing as a man has just as much risk to it as passing as a woman #because a man who will attack a trans woman as someone who is not a woman will most likely attack a trans man he does not see as a man #with the same violence he might level against a cis woman #that's just on the masc side. i can't speak for any violence against trans men by cis women but I can see how cis women discredit trans men #by claiming them as Lost Lesbians and Sisters In Arms who've been lost due to the Trans Agenda #like people shit on bi people because they have 'passing privilege'. but we know that bi people face homophobia #and other issues about their orientation. the idea that trans men get their Boys Will Be Boys card is to focus on a tiny selection #that *potentially* has the power to he a shithead - like a queerphobic asexual person or a malicious bi person #and paint an entire group of diverse people as literally the worst interpretation you can imagine about them #like consider that you have your own issues and/or biases in regards to people you like and want to hang out with #and stop calling entire groups of people invaders and oppressors whose entire goal is to upend the community #and turn the power of queer people against them #i understand how it feels to feel powerless and to have somewhere where you feel supported and safe #but if you're going to see pain and hate in every group who shares your experience but gives you an ick for whatever reason #there's a solid chance that the Righteous Crusade against them is - in fact - your own personal dislike wielding a modicum of power #that essentially functions the same way that hetero- and cis-normative standards and people have rejected you. #it is essentially you becoming the bully. and just like bi and ace and transfem people before I won't stand for it #trans men are my people.

[twilightarcade]

that guy who ruined my life

#this is seriously a PROBLEM. 'ohhh i'll go draw that will be fun' and and. Guess who. Guess who Ends up there. #you aren't even important get outta here not everything's about you 👎👎👎👎👎👎 #was digging though old art for this and i will say. The way I draw xem HAS improved in a positive manner #LARGELY evident in sketches goodlord there are so many sketches. Also it took ages for me to just initially work her out #yknow. I'm sure there was net gain here somewhere. But also #i don't DRAW the other guys like this. Except iris. That really needs to change man #she has the most [archived (meaning half decent)] images than like. Everyone combined (excluding iris) #and that's being generous and assuming they're all unique images #like come on man!!!! Dude!!!!!!!! #made up a guy to get obsessed with and got obsessed with them. What fuck. I should get compensation.

[menelaiad]

helen being smart does not make menelaus stupid.

#LOOK i am the queen of 'dumbass menelaus' memes. but its not something i ACTUALLY #think it's true. it's just really fucking funny to play with and dick around with #but some people ACTUALLY adhere to in how they view menelaus #just because he's not helen/odysseus smart doesn't make him stupid??? those aren't the only two #options??? like??? helen is really smart. it's part of her character in the odyssey #menelaus can just be some dude. with. yknow. normal dude intelligence lmfao #also if i may - menelaus is really fuckig emotionally smart #in that he can read people's feelings and know what to say VERY well #he does it in the iliad A Lot #with pat's body. with antilochus in the funeral games #and the iconic line that he KNEW agamemnon was going through it. so he just followed him around #to make sure he was okay #is he plan maker? no. is he a fighter? barely. #but my goD he has some redeeming qualities. stop sleeping on him #or only talking about him just to beat him down #the EMOTIONAL / FEELINGS whatever side to menelaus is #FASCINATING and BEAUTIFUL and so unique for the works in which he stars in #its literally said that menelaus isnt a good public speaker #he lets ody do the talking at the embassy etc. #BUT when it comes to his speech to antilochus its a fucking POWERFUL and INCREDIBLE speech #because it comes from his HEART. he's not planned it. #he isn't doing it for a public show. #it's how he feels in that moment and how he speaks upon seeing antilochus #im so sick. like actually sick. my fever could burn a house. #but it does not burn hotter than my love for menelaus son of atreus and king of sparta

[chaotictomtom]

this month's rough i might absolutely need to do commissions

#so scary + i immediately get absolutely dog shite at drawing whenever it's a commission #i also can't open commissions for only a few characters i know i'll be comfortable drawing for commissions cos i know i can draw them okay #cos' that's not really how commissions work yknow #duuuude every other week i have this debate in my head it's awfuuuul #i need the money so bad just too much pressuuuuure auuuug #*augh #could try to push through and finish EVERY sketchbook pdfs + the saw and brba pdfs #and hope anyone will be interested :(((((((((( but that's unlikely from how the bear zine and my 1st pdf sketchbook thingy went #aw man #was thinking abt selling prints but isn't that inprint website starting to fuck artists over. by paying them so so late + #aren't they going into bankruptcy and artists should just not get into it and leave it far behind to not get fucked over more #or am i thinking abt another website #same for redbubble deleted my acc way back when they fucked us over once more #aoouuugh i dunno what to do #don't feel like doing a patreon equivalent on kofi cos i already post tons of my drawings on here it wouldn't rlly be more exclusive content #or whatever. so. i dunno #head in hands.

[just-some-guy-joust]

Were there any characters you were surprised to see nominated?

There was a Katniss Everdeen submission BEFORE there were any Primrose submissions which was wild to me. Sol from I Was A Teenage Exocolonist was also a pleasant surprise, shoutout to the singular IWATE fan that seems to be following me I'm blowing you a kiss. "Any character introduced in a prequel that doesn’t exist in the first installment". Lonan, who is my OC and not even the one I'm putting in the tournament. Ganondorf from The Wind Waker, not one I ever expected but whoever sent that was so right actually. The entire cast of Bad End Theater.

#asks #doomed by the narrative showdown #these aren't the Funny ones these are the ones that pleasantly surprised me #technically the funny ones also surprised me but that's more of a 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT' #kind of surprised yknow

[suudonym]

so since september I’ve been working on a project where I draw yuito together with every character in the game as a countdown to his birthday on january 1st. and today is the first day of that countdown!

day 1 of 24 is nagi - I’m always wondering what kind of SAS effect nagi’s aerokinesis would give... a damage boost is the easy answer, but it’s also kind of plain. maybe something tailored for dealing with flying enemies?

#I was thinking about coming up with a tag that could be blocked for people who aren't interested in seeing these drawings #but yknow what. fuck that. I've been working on these for three months. look at each of them for 2 seconds minimum please #own artwork #scarlet nexus

[dogin8]

If you are bisexual but the kind that has a boyfriend and constantly asserts how embarassed you are of him or how you wish not to be dating a man or how ugly he is or how you hate him, break up with him. Please.

I have so much respect for how difficult it is knowing that in a relationship with a man you will always have to take on this like, educating roll because he will never be exposed to the same issues as you, and that can be exhausting and you can Absolutely just say "it's not worth it, I'd rather not date men".

But if you choose to date one (And this doesn't apply at all to toxic relationships where you feel unable to leave) and then make him feel like he's worthless and a burden and all of these things that Chances are he already thinks. I have no respect for you.

I love men, they deserve to feel pretty and cherished.

#like. if nobody is forcing you to love him #then either do it or don't yknow #your choice #btw if anyone sees this and is like ''finally some guy who defends men against mean mean feminism'' fuck off this isn't what that's about #fuck TERFs just while I'm here #but feminism isn't AGAINST men #You aren't the patriarchy #likelihood if you're a victim of it and you KNOW that #feminists are like 90% of the people who do earnestly discuss male societal issues though cause i fucking know the men aren't doing it lmao #gender politics

[pettyprocrastination]

you know I kind of like the idea of Konig being a bit of an asshole. 

#tj talks #like. he's definitely fucked up in the head. severe anxiety caused by what was probably horrid horrid bullying #that def veered into like. genuine assault when he was a kid #but then he realized he's twice the size of his bullies and the first time he threw a punch that knocked them to the ground he went #'oh. oh that's a nice feeling' #def has anxiety and is still a quite person but his insecurity sort fo manifests itself in not great ways #your the sniper on his time? pah. he's better than you. he's a better shot. a better fight. better EVERYTHING and he'll prove it #knocking shoulders with others in the hall and saying nothing of it #if he thinks yorue 'beneath' him? he's a bit of a prick honestly. #if he wants your approval? expect him to look to you each time he's at target practice or takes somebody down in sparring #very 'look what I can do! DId you see that? wasn't that cool? aren't I cool? #but i still like soft quiet konig so yknow

[infizero]

just realized entire cast of infinity train has MAJOR arospec swag im so fucking elated by this realization

#tulip is easy bcuz she has absolutely no romantic element in her story #and lake and jesse already have the biggest fucking qpr energy EVERRR #but grace and simon also have a similar ''we FEEL like we're in a relationship but we aren't. and there's definitely some kind of romantic #element going on here but its very vague and twisted and also codependent as fuck. and we're friends first and foremost'' #and then ryan and min-gi. well i'd definitely see them more as just your usual couple. but idk they have some of that swag regardless #extremely homoerotic emotional friendships will always have that kind of swag #ive been having so much fun with aro headcanons its not like i didnt have some before but that was without the personal element of it so #i didnt really fully get the Vibes yknow. i was kind of just going w what made sense to me in a very black and white way #but with learning more about this stuff and realizing i Am this stuff. well its gotten a lot more gray and ive also been slowly realizing #that like every fucking ship ive ever shipped in my life. well the way i portray them and think of their relationship working is likeeee. #well you know. #anyways INFINITY TRAIN IS FOR THE AROS!!!!!!! #serena.txt

[kindnessoverperfection]

I think part of the reason why I struggle to feel close with anyone is like. I really only know how to get my social need filled through judgement and approval and rank-climbing.

It's part of why I keep wanting to involve myself in Greek Life, despite knowing how toxic it is. I'd have people around me always, constant social events, and the expectations would be clear and harsh always. So I'd have clear and easy ways to get supply. If someone's "love" is conditional, then I know when I'm doing the right things, I know when they're approving of me, I know when we're "connecting". I crave it.

But the system's close friends? They'll approve of us no matter what. So like. What then? How do I feel that connection? If I don't have to earn their care, what direction am I supposed to go in? What do I do, what do I talk about, how do I act?

#just spilling thoughts everywhere rn but ugh #im so lonely #saw smthn online that felt like it was calling me out directly lmaooo #about not caring about individuals and only caring about avoiding loneliness #(like i care abt ppl's well-being but i have no personal investment) #it felt like a strength. grey cares so deeply about specific people but also gets cut just as deeply bc of it #meanwhile i could get attention from anyone and be just as satisfied. couldn't care less about who it was or if x or y person randomly #stopped talking to me #(b4 anyone comes at me. again i intellectually care about the well-being of individuals. like i want them to have a good life and a good da #yknow. and im not a jerk. and personally i DO *want* to connect i just dont know how. the emotions and drive aren't there. it's not persona #at all. and it's fine if that's a dealbreaker for ppl but i'm not evil for it and i don't treat people badly bc of it) #my supply-seeking and overworking myself and ED behaviors are all caused by the same underlying need #i don't know how to exist without people. which is so funny bc for so long i've acted like i'm so invulnerable and independent and don't #give a shit about anyone's approval. but i do. so fucking deeply. and since direct interpersonal relationships are terrifying #my brain seeks out the next best thing - societal approval. no names or faces attached. just anyone. something. anything. #when i'm talking one-on-one with someone - yknow what no gonna make this another post and try and work it out separately

[ariose-ghoul]

Of course we’re mutuals bestie 🥺🥺 also just so you know I never knew what your name was so I named you “Drew” in my head I’m so sorry

HWIRHROSHFOFBDKDFH

#drew?????????? #i mean it definitely is not the worst name it kinda fucks actually #but i would kill to learn the thought process here #actually yknow what yeah to anyone else reading this if you forget my name you can call me drew #also yeah i just keep forgetting who's following me i very rarely look through my list shifgjdrjr i wonder how many ppl ive called mutuals #that aren't following me #well anyways back 2 minecraft <3 #asks

[gaypirate]

anyway here's a trick i've learned recently

when people are trying to schedule me an appointment at a drs offices they always act frustrated when i say i can't do early morning appointments. i've always operated under 'don't explain yourself, just ask for what you need' as a principle with this sort of thing, but at some point when a nurse kept pushing me for an earlier appointment i just told her the truth, that it's because i have a diabetic cat and need to watch over him in the mornings, and suddenly she was a LOT more sympathetic. so i've been doing this ever since, and there's been like, 0 pushback on it

i'm assuming the normal frustration is because they think that i just can't wake up in the morning, which is a bullshit reason to be frustrated with a patient, but welp.

so there's an excuse you can try out if you're not a morning person. just tell them you have a sick pet

#if your body isn't used to it it's not reasonable to expect to be able to wake up at 6 am without adjusting to it first #which is a really difficult process! #and even disregarding that some people just don't function well in the AM because that's the way their brain works #mental illness can really fuck up your sleep and yknow MAYBE we shouldn't shame patients for that lol... #but also like i AM a morning person but when my mi was bad i was always waking up super late #and i felt HORRIBLE all fucking day because my sleep schedule wasn't attuned to what i needed #like if i fall asleep at 2 AM i'll feel way way way better if i wake up at 7 AM than if i wake up at 10 #just this wretched grogginess and brain fog that lingers all day #so it's easy to sympathize with people whose sleep needs aren't matched up to what society wants from them #gay piracy

[cosmik-homo]

Lying in bed crying about Alfred's fucked up identity situation

#usually im like. Understandable But Still Yuck about his Samah Apologisms in the epilogue #but i read a quite good Luke Grappling With Vader fic and while not directly applying it did make me think #about how much i feel it's because of how Alfred still measures himself compared to Samah #in a fucked up way. #and how so much of his Issues- this is about the serpent mage emotional abuse but also In General i think he definitely #has some childhood baggage that the whole Last Sartab This Is All On You thing only. Enhanced into the complete. emotional ruin we meet #but all of that. All Of That is about Inadequacy it's about not being Enough in a society that justified it's crimes by its perfection #and then he detaches himself from that and chooses to align himself with the patryn. and. #you know. like. the sartan goverment did do awful things and v much everyone is complicit in privilege ways #but People Are People is the point of the series but the point of the series is also it takes time to drill that point in and this kind of #trauma and hesitance of the oppressed group is v reasonable and worth respecring in some ways. #you know realisticlly he's gonna have to smile politely while people accept his existence as An Outlier To The Still Ancient Enemy cuz #'you aren't really... (vauge handwave at all his stuff) A Real Sartan' and he isn't going to DEFEND HIS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO SARTANESS #TO A BUNCH OF LABYRINTH DWELLERS HE'S BARELY GONNA SEE AGAIN. #like even if he wasn't World's Most Confrontation Averse- who would do that #so he's just. yknow. forced to qgain internalize in a way this basic fear or belief he has #and even if he can now build himself a self worth that isn't tied to being A Good Sartan- and he can and he will- #that's still tearing something away so much from a new direction? #AND DON'T GET ME STARTED HOW THIS. LITERALLY CONNECTS WITH HAPLOS CORE CHARACTER CONCEPT #MAN WHO SHREDS HIMSELF TO BITS TO BE WHAT HIS SOCIETY WANTS A PATRYN MAN TO BE AND NOTHING MORE #AND. (gender redacted) who CAN'T. who is too much of all the wrong things but too little of the right ones- #actually no that's the goddamn serpent mage he IS a sartan ideal but #he isn't Granted that. #idk. he's just. his home is a person because they are literally so woven together into one story #but also. haplo very much gets his own community still belonging in and his love interest and. and Alfred just kind of has this. #both worlds and neither situation. #& hes disabled and effeminate and His People are gone and his people are right across the street and may or may not be inventing new slurs #for him. #OH AND HE GETS A GOOD PERFECT USEFUL BODY HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO OVERUSE OR GET ADDICTED TO THE SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF. #just. how do you expect him to believe Samah was wrong about him if everyone agrees- he just Can't Be Enough?

[killajust]

what am i still bothering to post to this site for. sometimes i really wonder because its been feeling like this

#in what world does an animated angsty blorbo video do BADLY #am i just THAT disliked because it sure as shit wasn't a bad video #even if it didn't do that well on twitter either compared to old shit lots of people were eating it up #and i thought yknow with other pieces of mine with 0 effort but lots of angst got like #from 500 to 900 interactions on here that a VIDEO that i ANIMATED WOULD DO BETTER #but nope. whatever dude #grateful to the people who liked it and cared. feeling very pushed out by everyone else #and before anyone is like wah wah id be GRATEFUL for even ONE like or w/e that fkn bitch said back then #I'M ALLOWED TO FEEL DISAPPOINTED WHEN MY HARD WORK DOES BADLY!!!!!! HOLY SHIT. IT'S NOT A GUILT TRIP IT'S A VENT #nobody knows this fucking account even EXISTS #and people who don't interact aren't gonna see it anyway and those who do know they have my undying #Gratitude and love #It's NATURAL to feel disappointed. As long as I'm not taking it out on people directly WHO CARES #LET ME BITCH LET ME BE THE LOSER ARTIST WHO WHINES