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#and you know you cant really talk about your side or theyll be upset or think smths wrong with you

mikeyfuckinway · 3 years

Text

ladynoir > the rest of the love square

ok i was one of the biggest believers in marichat being the way for love square to bond since they didnt have feelings for each other in that form and could be friends normally but now?

tl;dr marinette is creepy right now, ladynoir is where theyll have the best understanding of each other and can become close

i think ladynoir is currently the winning side of the love square. its definitely got to do with how i feel about marinette right now, im just pissed off w how her character is being handled bc it doesnt feel like she deserves it when people praise her for being so nice and considerate bc like

marinette is kind and considerate except when it comes to adrien. i couldnt stand it in the new york special when everyone was so impressed that she was asking adriens dad to let him go with them bc it wasnt fueled by her actually being considerate and wanting adrien to be able to go, its bc she didnt want him to be around lila!! it was fueled by jealousy and selfishness!!!! and then when adrien on the plane is like "youre such a good friend thank you marinette" i lost my mind!!! bc she wasnt being a good friend, she was being creepy and obsessive.

otherwise, marinette is a good friend! she helps other people and wants people to succeed and shes a very nice person! thats the marinette that they keeo telling us exists but when it comes to adrien she just devolves, and because of that im just pissed off with her right now and i dont think any development is going to come with her in this state

now ladybug is who shes meant to be. it never feels like she goes off character and she stills has bouts with morality but she handles them the way you would expect someone like ladybug to and all around the side she puts on as ladybug is far more mature than marinette.

i also think chat noir is a better avenue for getting to know adrien. in civilian form, theres 2 barriers in the way of getting to know adrien. first: he cant talk about chat noir stuff and he doesnt seem to want to talk about the freedom he wants and issues with his father that he does when hes chat. he seems like he wants to or feels like he should keep up this almost-facade. hes certainly opened up before but it still feels like hes got a second facade in place. all of his grievances with his father are presented in a very light manner, like "yeah it makes me upset but my dads got it rough too :(" whereas i feel he could express more of the anger he feels as chat

second, the fact that hes adrien. i think ladybug handles talking to adrien a lot better than marinette since she has to be more mature, but its still an issue

ladybug and chat noir are also the only place they can really talk about superhero stuff with each other. with marichat and ladrien they can certainly discuss it but its really only a one way discussion there. with ladynoir they can really talk and support each other since theres that understanding of "you know exactly what im going through because youre in the same situation"

this was poorly worded bc i have a head cold but i feel very strongly about this

#ladynoir #marichat #love square #miraculous ladybug #aries.txt #im so mad abt marinette and the show as a whole #i wrote a whole document out of how i would rewrite the show since its being handled so poorly

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abimee · 4 years

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you should go on about act 1! your stories are always so interesting and I'd love to learn more abt them :]

the first half of this game is what i like to call the walking similator. also all the PLAYER CHOICE is voided in this and so this is through the lens of ONE ROUTE

It starts with Nahan awaking You from their room, Nahan being the castle gardener whos tasked with delivering messages. She takes You out of the room and helps them walk and see and talk, as in game You can only do things theyre taught as they never learned anything.

Getting guided down the halls, other citizens heard of the coming of the child and start tailing Nahan and You in glee, but Nahan does not want ANYBODY to speak to You. She takes You up an elevator and to The Lords Room, opening up to a figure in bed against the light of four stained glass windows in the dark room.

Konsanus, gravely ill in her bed, tells You that they must find their mother Disonus and return her to the castle. If they cant find her, they should not return, and Nahan escorts You out of the room with nothing more. In the garden that leads to the doors to the innercity, Nahan tells You that they cant let ANYBODY know who they are or their task, or they might never live another day. Nobody outside the castle walls knows that the child has been released, and they need to be quick. With sadness, she lets You go, and locks the door behind them.

The Innercity is a fine place and You follows the path to the grand wall. Theres lights and decorations up for the season, but nobody is really about.

When they reach the wall with no door, a few guards come upon them and ask their business this close to the wall. Assuming You wishes to defect, they tell them that theyll never be able to return if they wish to leave Konsanus' rule, and are pushed through the wall into the outside world aggressively.

immediately You meets two people hanging outside the wall, a deer named Deeric and his anxious dog....cat... thing.... friend Omni. Deeric acts like an asshole and Omni is anxiously trying to get Deeric to stop. Omni eventually tells You that to get to the city they just need to walk directly south from the hills, and offers to hang out with them if they meet again.

You walks the northern hills, and meets Festus! Hes on a trip for his mother, but hes mostly playing around as he wasnt suppose to cross the city too far North. He walks with You and asks all about them, but You doesnt know anything about themself. Festus thinks thats just fine, and that they should hang out when they go home, assuming You lives in the Valley like him, before running to finish his errand.

The first era You comes upon is the city dump, where they then meet another set of friends; Dante and Curve, who are roughousing in the garbage. Dante immediately offers to fight You, and You tries escaping but Dante wants to fight; he gets a decent swing on You, but when they dont retaliate, Dante realizes they never learned the FIGHT/FUN system and becomes embarassed. Curve beats the shit out of him and helps You up. There, Curve explains what that is abd that the kids in the island have created a fair fight system that everybody follows that ensure they can roughhouse without the fear of dying. You thus learns the system this way!

After some plot banter stuff, You investigates the Cemetery behind the dump, and meets the Graveyard Kids abd Sprite_Deadchild. Sprite_Deadchild offers to help them navigate the City if theyre scared, and joins You's party to help them "find their mama."

You then enters into the city, and shuffles around the place. They come upon a scene in an alley backed to an apartment complex where a catgirl is crying, and they meet The Ferals: Alley, a catgirl in love with a housecat in the apartment; Mama, queen if the feral colony and big bully; and her boyfriend Socks, a loveable blind cat who fetches food for the rest of them.

You and Sprite_Deadchild offer to help, and go upstairs to meet the housecat, only to learn her name is Nem, shes not a catgirl but dresses up as one because she wants to be one and feels bad for accidently catching a real catgirls feelings and doesnt know how to let them down easy. Eventually they go through enough shenanigans and everyone lives happily ever after, but within the mess they meet another apartment dweller named Lilly....

You briefly meets Lilly and enters her room while Sprite_Deadchild waits outside, and Lilly admits that she knows who You is. However, shes no help in You's journey, as shes barely left her apartment room in 13 years, and is horribly scared of the world outside and what could happen to her. You parts with a bit of knowledge from her that the Southern Fjallo area, past the mountains, is a good hiding place for many because the mountains are treacherous to pass through, so people rarely do it anymore.

You explores the city a little more, and Sprite_Deadchild tells them theyll meet them on the other side of the mountain as they "gotta go home", and leaves You alone. You ends up meeting Curve and Dante again, as theyre picking a fight with the Party Fowl duo, with Festus caught in the mix.

They eventually break up, and the Party Fowl tell You they have to get Festus home across the mountains; when asked how they do that, they explain Festus as a goat can climb the terrain and they just piggyback off him. You asks of they can get a ride, and the Party Fowls bestow bringing Festus home to them, with Festus excited to have " a friend over for dinner!!!"

They make the rocky climb and over to the Fjallo Valley, where Amare is waiting for her child. LIVID over seeing Festus with a stranger Amare promptly threatens You with her knives and sees them as a dangerous threat, but Festus attempts to tell her that theyre a new friend!!! Hesitantly Amare de-arms, and "invites them" to dinner. You says they have to go look for their mother first, and leave Amare and Festus to head off.

There in the Valley they meet the Masked Revolutionary, who says she is the protector of the South end, just as Curve is the protector of the North end. She comes in when You is jumped by some random teenage boys looking for a fight, and her weapon style is two metal bars she clings to subdue someone without killing them. You asks if she can help them find someone, but the masked revolutionary quickly dismisses You and hurries off.

You eventually returns to Amare's house and is let in. Festus is taking his nap and Amare is cooking a stew, abd tells You to go upstairs, wash up, and call down Festus. You does, but when they look for Festus' room they find Amare's instead, and You can/does find a book in her shelves that seemed handwritten; its her account of her fleeing to the island, after her husband killed their daughter and injured Amare during their attempt to flee the unstable household with Festus. Amare catches them reading her book, and reluctantly tells the child that is why shes so protective of Festus and scared, but "a child doesnt need to take the burden of adult matters".

in return for knowing, You tells Amare how theyre looking for their mother, the queen Disonus, because their mother Konsanus told them to. Amare shows disgust towards Konsanus' actions, and tells You how they once knew Disonus, and how kind she is. She hints that she knows where Disonus is, but once again does not indulge in it too much because "its adult matters, that a child shouldnt care about", but hints shes being protected in the abandoned worshippers house.

Amare serves dinner, and very carefully she offers You to live with them if they never find Disonus and cant go home. You eats their dinner and takes a nap in their spare room, and Amare offers You a new set of clothes.

You eventually heads off, and Amare tells them to "come home to me" if they cant find her.

You heads off to the abandoned worshippers house, and meets The Masked Revolutionary. The Revolutionary talks about how she knows whats going on, and that she will not fall for such a trick. She can not see, abd every time You calls her mother she only gets more upset, saying that whoever "makes light of tge loss ive endured to antagonize me will not live to see day."

Disonus, now, removes her bar weapons, and instead pulls out the Sword of Mercy, the blade she stole; its the sword of mercy because its blade is so sharp it can decapitate you in one swing, and the "greatest mercy is death".

She attempts to fight You, and chases them, while You continousely attempts to get through to Disonus whats going on and that they really Are her child, not someone playing a trick on her.

Eventually You gets through to her by bringing up Amare, and Disonus slowly approaches You, sword lowered, wondering.... is this truly my child? You explains what Konsanus did and why she made them, and Disonus cries and hugs You. A living, healthy child in her arms, she cries and cries and holds You's face with a genuine love of a mother, and how they can return back to the castle-

But Disonus doesnt want to. She cant, shes terrified. Even with You, she fears the judgement thats taken their island into ruins for almost 20 years now, she fears she cant be a good Queen, she fears--- Konsanus. She REFUSES to return to the throne, and in that moment something happens.

Disonus begins to not look like Disonus. She begins to panic about returning to the throne, about the critics and her wife berating her and how she LIKES being this revolutionary guarding the valley, she cant go back to being mocked and hated---- recklessly she pulls out the sword, and before You can stop her, she guts herself with it

and breaks

and glitches

and the world freezes

and everything turns black

and something crawls, crawls out of the carcass of Disonus, something with bones for hands and a thousand faces and a thousand bodies, with a chorus of voices.

The church returns, and its body moves like its water, its hands breaking the pews and its body growing more incomprehensible.

You crawls from it under the seats abd around the room, terrified of it as it calls out for them.

In moments of panic You is back in that black room, and people come to visit them: Dante, saying he shouldve killed them when ge had the chance; Mama, saying that they need to stop meddling in peoples business; a chorus of Amares calling You a digging shrew piece of shit that will never feel love; You appearing before You to tell themself they are nothing but an empty husk.

And then someone else, with beautiful brown hair and a cloak like black, telling them: " Dont listen to him, he cant hurt you."

Another figure, dressed in a red vest: "Listen to me, dont let him into your head."

Another You: "Open your eyes, dont be scared."

You opens them.

The monster, the creature of a thousand faces, is not able to touch them, like theyre being restrained. They peak out of the chairs, and see three figures:

A clown, a rabbit, and a goat.

Maliia has the creature held by pink ropes tied to her hands, and Sarah is calling out to You. Stopper reminds Sarah;

" Were in the past, they dont know whats happening yet."

The monsters tries to grow abd scream and thrash but Maliia is holding on, and Sarah is trying to get You to come out; scared, they slowly crawl out from underneath the chairs. Sarah tells them they dont have much time, but that they need to do something.

Carefully, as the monster rips from its hold, Sarah hits You with her cane.

And You wakes up in Lilly's bed.

#you (me)#original #ocs

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richietoaster · 5 years

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yo Sara my last few days have been shitty so do u have any really soft reddie hcs 🥺

aww kari :( I'm sorry this week has been shitty for you. Hope these cheer you up ❤

we all know that richie pinches eddies cheeks, right? Well, getting into all the pining and pre established relationship, richie begins to caress them too.

Eddie waiting for him outside school so richie can drive him home and richie will gently run his knuckles over eddies skin as a greeting and it sends eddie into gay panic

At least once everyday eddie will climb over the side of richies truck and lay in the bed of it, waiting for richie to come over so he can scare the shit out of him and it always ends with them laughing so hard they can’t breathe, pressed next to each other in the cramped space, and sometimes eddie will try to link their pinkies when the air begins to shift, but he chickens out

Remember the Ice Cream Scene in IT1? Yeah that happens on a daily basis. Sometimes eddie will feel lazy and he’ll ask richie at lunch to grab him a tray because he forgot. Richie only protests for a second until eddie pouts and gives him the Puppy Dog Face. he cant say no to that.

Or richie will be at work and forget to bring food for his shift and he’ll text eddie like hey if ur available can u pick up a snack or smthn from walmart and bring it to me?? Pretty pleaaaase xxxx and eddie will more than happily do so

Richies hands are always cold and eddie always volunteers to “keep them warm” like,, sure eds, sure you are

Richie is a soft babey and loves laying his head in eddies lap, pressing kisses to his thighs

Eddie likes playing with richies hair when theyre in that position and richie always passes out when he does. If eddie falls asleep too, then it happens. Theyll figure out their feelings later

When they go to the quarry richie will sometimes have to jump in the water before eddie takes his shirt off because he’s pining hard for his best friend and can’t let it be known that he’ll blush at the sight of eddie’s bare chest

Theyll mess around like you’d expect high school boys to do. Dunk each other, play marco polo (and 9 out of 10 times the other isnt even in the water), throw dirt at the other (and then eddie promptly screaming at this)

But sometimes eddie will catch himself staring at richie while he swims, and richie will stop to ask eddie if hes coming or not, and they’ll end up staring for a few moments until eddie tackles him into the water again

Eddie’s really good at chemistry. He can draw you the symbols for different reactions if you were to ask him. He sees richie upset about something one day in class and begins drawing the symbol for serotonin (happiness) and captions it “you make me” (happy) and texts richie a picture of it. Richie doesnt stop smiling the entire day

Its a time where eddies waiting to scare richie again, but this time, richie scares eddie instead. Richie surprises him on the opposite side of his truck when eddie goes to yell “boo” at the drivers side

And it ends how it usually does- them pressed side by side and giggling at how funny they think it was. Except this time its a little different

Eddie hooks his pinky around richie’s and doesnt say a word, even when he hears richie’s sharp intake

Richie lets out a little “eds..” unsure, but knowing, and eddie finally face him. Eddies eyes meet his and it does all their talking, because suddenly they’re kissing

Eddie has a hand on the crevice of richie’s neck/cheek and richie has one on eddie’s waist, gripping hard

They only pull away when they hear the door to the garage open, richies mother yelling at them that dinner’s ready

“We’re not done.. Okay? But for now, we must go, spaghetti. We’re having spaghetti”

“is this cannibalism?”

“DID U JUST ADMIT TO LIKE BEING CALLED SPAGHETTI?!”

“I dont know what youre talking about” and eddie kisses him once more before sitting up and pulling richie up with him

When eddie sleeps over that night, theyre closer than ever before, tangled up with each other

Okay this got a little side tracked oops but i hope this made you smile just a little bit :) love you kari!

#kari #reddie #reddie hc #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it #it 2017 #it chapter two #it chapter 2

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just-an-extra-ordinary-blog · 4 years

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i feel so alone. like everything i have to say just gets disregarded. it feels like people are just pretending to like me but not of it is real. i feel like i constantly ask for reassurance and try to get some form of help or something and it just never. it will never happen. usually it makes it worse. i feel like everything. everything thats going on i have to hold it in. the heart break. the. everything else. stuff i cant talk about. no one would want me to talk about it. i have to hold everything in. everytime i show it i only feel like ive upset people. i feel like im always crying and no one knows. no one cares. i feel ugly and disgusting. i feel. i don't feel anything. i just want to feel and thats the problem. i want to feel loved. i want to feel cared about. i want to. i cravvee physical affection. i dont even want a partner i dont care. why cant people be more physically affectionate. why cant i. why do i feel so numb. i can feel the tears. i can feel the disapointment. i can sense the loneliness. you scroll past this its just another vent post. im just another edgy heart broken teenager. im just another person who you can trick into falling in love with you. so easily. so fucking easily. just to leave again. always to leave. and if i opposed. if i said anything about it. over my sadness. no one would care. no one ever cares. because they cabt relate and dont want to try. because it was just another relationship. because it was my fault for trusting someone so quickly. i should have known. i should have seen it coming. why didnt i see it coming. why dont i ever see it coming. its your fault they dont like you. its your fault. youre ugly. youre unattractive. youre fat. youre. but its all in my head right. all of these doubts are in my hesd until suddently theyre not and they come true. because they were never really in my hesd. everyone leaves in the end. maybe if i ate less. eat less excersise more. eat less. eat less eat less. eat less. dont eat. please dont eat. i cant help it. im sorry. im sorry ill be better for you. i wont. ill do better. ill be prettier. ill be skinny. i wont act like a child. please dont act like a child. please. i can feel my head slipping. slipping. and my thumb goes to my mouth and my hands wrap around my toy grasping for the soft comfort. wishing someone could be there with me. not there for me. but with me. with me to help me be happy. baby talk me. stop censoring. always censoring the word. the r word. regress regress regress regress regress. i feel myself slipping little little. slured words. no words. too little. and alone..but i try to stay happy right. people want me yo be happy. smile. act poised. your supposed to be mature. be a good influence. a role model. but no. regress regress regress regress. oh how id pay to be help in someones arms. sit in someone lap. sit by their side. and regress. it shouldnt be dark. its becoming dark. everytime. i get little and it gets dark. it never use d to be dark. i used to be happy. and now i just think of how lonely it is. how others are cared for and im not. how theyll never love me again. how no one will love me. no one will love me. unloved unloved unloved unloved

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coffeecrusadeclub · 5 years

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Roadtrip -tyrus fic

TJ POV:

I climbed into the passenger side of Cyrus's car. We were driving out to see Andi in New York. We had this trip planned since we found out Andi got accepted into the New York Institute of Art and Design a year ago. Of course there was a few details that changed since then. Buffy and Jonah were supposed to ride with me and Cyrus but Buffy caught a flight over there a week ago and Jonah couldnt get off work.

So that means it just me and Cyrus.. in a small green BMW... alone... for at least two days to and back

I mean dont get me wrong it's not that I didnt love the idea of a road trip with him or the idea of crashing at a hotel after long day of driving. Being alone with him just makes me so nervous, I mean I have been crushing on him since I was 15, that was five years ago and I still like him as much as I did in the beginning if not more. Hes my best friend and I know he wouldn't be upset about me liking him probably. I mean hes out and proud. But I'm not out I'm not proud. I'm afraid that's the way it's always been.

"TJ! My mans you ready to roll" Cyrus pulled me out of my thoughts, his voice filled with enthusiasm. It was cute and I felt a ball grow in the pit of my stomach. You cant like him TJ its wrong

"I- uh yeah! Let's go!! NY here we come!"

---------------

We had left at around 4am on Friday (to beat morning traffic as much as we could). It was now Saturday and there was about 2 hours left of us jamming out to Cavetown, Alec Benjamin, and many other amazing artists when Cyrus's phone went off.

"Who texted me? Can you check?" Cyrus asked only looking away from the road for a moment to look at me.

"Yeah hold up." I grabbed his phone, unlocking it to check the message.

"Uh- it's someone named Johnathon.. he put 'want to come over again tonight?' What do I tell him?"

I looked over at Cyrus who had stopped humming along to the music.

"I- uh tell him um tell him no and I'll talk to him later" he stumbled over his words. I nodded and typed out the text reading it outloud to get approval before pushing send.

"So... is he like your boyfriend or like a hookup or something?" I asked, trying to conceal the jealousy in my voice.

"Wh- no definitely not Teej" he replied defensively

"Hey I'm not judging you just a question"

"Sorry I just.. Hes just a friend. He likes me but it's not mutual and he keeps inviting me over but I'm not into him ya know?"

"Yeah, you should definitely tell him though. Sooner rather than later"

"I know theres a lot of things I should tell a lot of people but sometimes it's scary"

"Yeah there's a few things I'm afraid of saying to so I get you" I looked over at him for a second and smiled. The sun was setting and the glow it created around him was beautiful. He was beautiful. I cleared my throat shaking myself out of the thought and adjusted myself so I was facing away from him

"Are you okay Teej?" He put 1 hand on my back, the other still on the wheel.

"Yeah I'm-im fine" I muttered pulling away from his touch.

"You can talk to me about anything TJ I promise"

"I- itll change how you look at me"

"No TJ you're my best friend, I love you man I'm not gona judge you"

I felt my throat tighten at his words "later- on the way home maybe" I tried to respond calmly but my voice broke anyway and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I wasnt going to tell him I knew I wasnt. He was gona forget and I'd be off the hook.

--------

We spent 3 days in NY with Andi before we had to leave. Buffy stayed because her flight wasnt for a couple days. At first the drive was quiet, I was worried he'd bring our conversation up from 3 days prior.

We had been talking about everything really. Our lives, our hopes and dreams. And then the inevitable happened, I should have known better than to think he'd forget.

"What was it that made you cry the other day Teej... you said youd tell me on the way home"

I was driving so I didnt turn to look at him but I knew he was staring at me, waiting for me to answer. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I wanted to tell him but my dads words from years prior kept playing in my head: "boys dont like boys TJ, its wrong. Do you want to go to hell? Dishonor our family? Then shape up"

"I um I dont know what youre talking about Cy, sorry. I guess I forgot"

"Tyler James Kippen you are so full of it. Please talk to me" I looked at him and instantly regretted it. I sighed

"I cant Cyrus. You don't get it. I can't tell you. If I tell you its real- I cant disappoint my family theyll h-hate me" My voice cracked and I put the emergency lights on, pulling to the side of the road.

I put my head down, resting my forehead against the steering wheel. I let out a small sob and shook my head. "I cant do it man"

"TJ hey no no nobody is going to hate you. Youll be okay I promise"

"Cyrus I'm- I'm gay and-" I stopped myself, did I want to do this? My dad's voice echoed in my head and I sighed.

"And?"

"And Im in love with you.. I felt this way since I met you but I was scared. I am scared.. People like me don't deserve people like you... My family is going to hate me. I hate me, there's something wrong with me."

"TJ no there is nothing wrong with you. You're family is not going to hate you. It might take them time to get used to but Ive met your family and they love you so much. That's not going to change. Im here okay? I love you too"

I looked up at him "You do?"

"Yes I have for a long time. Gosh Teej, and here I thought Jonah was oblivious." He teased and I looked up at him, a smile on my face.

I'm still apprehensive about the future but with him by my side? Well for the first time in ever I actually believe that Im going to be okay

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svubloods · 5 years

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Imagine being the Youngest Reagan: Just the Seven of Us

(A/N: Something different but fun. Just cute really. I hope you enjoy!)

Imagine being the Youngest Reagan: Just the Seven of Us

Staten Island, New York City, New York 1996

Joseph Reagan observed his parents sceptically, to the point he could feel his right eyebrow quirked up in suspicion as he watched them from his position in the backseat. They were certainly acting normally, he thought, as the continued to speak casually to Jamie, your brother, about his high school electives. Everything seemed normal but something was off and Joe knew it. He didn't understand where they were going, why they were being so secretive about it and why they had organised it like this so that they were only ones clued in. Joe’s younger siblings sixteen-year-old Jamie and eight year old Y/N clearly wasn't as curious as he was but maybe that was because as they both still lived at home and going on trips with them on the weekend weren't an unusual occurrence for them unlike Joe, who was now living on the Columbia Campus in the city after starting his freshman year there a few months ago. What was even weirder was that his older sister Erin, a Junior at Columbia, and older brother Danny, a rookie cop, were instructed to meet them at whoever they heading, no excuses. Which meant that unlike him who had decided to catch the train to Staten Island to his parents from the city a day early and stay the night before, they knew where they were all heading.

Though he was naturally curious, he trusted his parents and didn't dwell on it. So he pulled away from his intrigued thoughts and his view of the blurring Staten Island streets through the window to look at his little sister. Who was sandwiched comfortably between him and Jamie in the middle seat at the back seat of the car? He watched amused as she read the book tightly clutched in her small hands intently, her face slightly screwed up in concentration. It was a face that he knew all too well, his Mother and older sister Erin made similar faces when concentrating as well.

He was glad she was enjoying the book. His mom had been telling him that ever since moved out and gave her the book; ’The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to All Things Science’ that she hadn’t put it down. And today was no exception, the book enough to entertain her during the seemingly long trip. Though didn’t need his mom to tell him that she had been enjoying it, she told him every Sunday when he took the train back up for Sunday Lunch back at his parents. He was happy that she was liking it so much, especially as the whole reason he gave it to her was so that on the day he left, she would be too distracted to get too upset. Despite the age difference, Joe shared a very special bond with his baby sister. Unlike Jamie who thought he was too cool and Erin and Danny who were too much older, he loved spending time and talking to her. In fact, he missed hearing about her second grade, well now third-grade escapades. It was either his little sister was a great storyteller or that the lives of eight and seven years olds were vastly more interesting than his own.

Joe leaned into her side gently and bowed his head to whisper to her so that only she could hear.

“Whatcha reading?” He whispered, glancing at the page she was reading.

“How to make a volcano out of paper-mâché!” You whispered excitedly, looking at him with a large grin, “And before it said that inside volcanos there is lava and it's really hot!”

“Lava?” He asked, encouragingly, chuckling to himself as you flipped the page back and pointed at it dramatically.

“Molten rock!” You stated, confidently.

“Woah,” He played along happily, “So you’re enjoying the book then?”

“It’s the best present ever,” You exclaimed, though you were still whispering to each other, “Thank you, Joey,”

“But you still miss me right?” He teased.

You nodded with a playful pout just empathise how much you still missed him and he put his arm around you and gave you a squeeze.

“You’re squishing me!” You squealed, your face pressed up against his torso so it was muffled.  “It’s because I love you so much,” He jokingly singsonged, keeping you pressed into his side as he rocked you from side to side, the best he could from your strapped down position in the car.

“What’s going on back there?” Your Dad’s voice asked with teasing sternest from the driver’s seat, you both glanced forward to see his fascinated eyes fixated on the both of you in the rearview mirror. “Just the usual,” The nineteen-year-old quipped, acting in a way to arouse fake suspicion and to entertain you, “Lava, college, our plans for world domination,”

“Is that right?” Your Dad entertained, looking at his eight year old daughter directly, “What will the great Y/N/N dominate first?”

You paused for a second your face contorting in concentration once again before responding.

“Manhattan,” You declared.

“You might want to ask Grandpa first,” He chuckled.

“Why do I need to ask Grandpa?” You whined, looking at him confused in the rearview mirror.

“Well, he’s the Police Commissioner remember? And that means it’s his job to make sure police officers like me and Danny do their job and protect people. Which includes stopping takeovers from tyrannical eight-year-olds,” He explained, purposely.

“What are you going to do if Grandpa says no, Y/N?” Jamie asked, his conversation over now, and his full attention refocused onto your interaction.

“Ask Grandma, she always says yes!” You revealed, “Especially when I make my eyes big like this,”

You widened your eyes with your fingers and pouted playfully which much to your confusion made everyone else in the car laugh.

“Can I know where we are going now?” Joseph asked your parents when the laughter died down.

“Patience, young Joseph,” Your Mother teased, whipping round to smirk at him, “All will be revealed,”

“You and your dramatics Mother,” Joe quipped, rolling his eyes at his mother and her antics, but he couldn't help the laugh that spilt over despite his best attempts to control himself.

“You hear that Frank?” She giggled, grabbing hold of his arm as he drove, “He’s serious, he called me mother,”

“Should we tell him?” Your Dad entertained, his eyes on the road ahead.

“Yes you should,” He interrupted, “Danny and Erin already know, so it’s only fair that I know too,”

“Well, that’s because there is too many of you to fit in the car,” Your Mom shrugged.

“I don’t know where we are going either,”Fifteen-year-old Jamie added, making sure he was apart of the conversation as well.

“Why can’t I know what I’m giving up my Saturday for?” Joe countered.

“Because you should be happily willing to spend your Saturday with us regardless of the exact details,” Your Mom refuted, “And anyway let’s be honest Joey, you didn't have any plans anyway,”

Jamie snorted.

“Hey,” Joe protested, “I had plans,”

“With Tia?” Jamie joked, rolling out her name as Joe’s cheeks went red.

“Shut up!”

“Whose Tia?” Your mom asked, perking up and suddenly eager, “Don’t tell me I have to start helping to plan another son’s wedding,”

“Mom,” Joe groaned in embarrassment, sinking in his seat slightly.

“That will teach you to try and ruin the surprise,” She laughed, “Now Jamie, how was football practice yesterday?”

It wasn’t long after that, that you arrived at your destination. You pilled out the car and marvelled in wonder at was before you as your brothers quickly followed you. Your parents with smiles on their faces grabbed all your things.

“Coney Island?” Joe questioned in disbelief, “You made me travel from Manhattan to Staten Island only to take me to Brooklyn?”

“We didn't make you come a day early,” Your Dad reminded.

“But you understand that this could have been so much easier, right? If you had told me where we were going for this family Day out!” He protested, helplessly.

“But think of all the fun you had on the journey up with us,” Your mom comforted, side hugging Joe tightly which he quickly returned.

“Now, we have to wait for your brother and sister to get here,” Your Dad announced.

“Babe, give Danny a call to see how long they’ll be,” Your Mother suggested, her and Joe circling the car towards your Dad while you and Jamie stood looking hopefully at the entrance, “He said that Erin was coming with him,”

“JJ is that a rollercoaster? You squealed as the distinctive whoosh of it breezed past you.

“Probably,” He nodded, before crouching down beside you, “But I have a feeling you might be too small to go on,”

“Noooo, why can’t I be taller!” You huffed, slamming your small foot adorned with a thin white sandal on the concrete.

“Maybe next year you'll grow,” He shrugged, nervously, suddenly regretting answering your question without backup, rookie mistake.

“But I want to go on now!” You insisted, “Maybe I’ll grow before we get there, lets go and see!”

“Well, how about we do something else together, instead? Because that’s not going to happen” He offered, hopefully.

“Like what?” You demanded, narrowing your little eyes at him and frowning.

“I’ll buy you a hotdog,” He smiled.

“You don't have any money,” You sighed, disappointed.

“Okay, I’ll get Dad to buy us both hotdogs,” He clarified.

“I want two,” You babbled, “I didn't have breakfast, so I'm really hungry,”

“Why not?”

“I wanted to save space for my milkshake,” You answered before grinning and adding, “Daddy said I could have one if I’m good,”

“How did you know you could get a milkshake?” He questioned.

“Because,” You began dramatically, “Mommy told me where we were going yesterday, she said we were going to the beach and they had milkshakes there. And I love milkshakes!”

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“Because if I had told you then it wouldn't be a secret and it was a secret,” You reiterated.

He was about to say something else only to be interrupted by the arrival of your older siblings, twenty-three-year-old Danny and twenty-one-year-old Erin.

“All right, we’re here and now tell us why,” Danny announced after he and Erin greeted your parents and the rest of you.

“Now that everyone is here,” Your Mother beamed, “I’ll explain. Your Father and I thought it would be fun to get all of us together for a proper family day, just the seven of us, because it’s very rare we all get together just us and because this might be our last chance as just seven ever before my baby boy get married next weekend,”

Your Mother finished her explanation by engulfing Danny into her embrace and squeezing his cheeks.

“Ma,” He cried, but he did little to remove himself from her grasp, “So that’s why I couldn't bring Linda, huh?”

“We wanted to celebrate it being just the seven us of us,” Your Dad added, going over and clapping Danny on the back, “Before you start your new family,”

“Well not any time too soon, hopefully,” He cringed, not enjoying both of his parent's undivided attention even if it was only for a few moments.

“A new family?” You whispered to yourself.

“Shh,” Jamie sounded, putting his finger to his lips as your parents continued to speak.

You were too consumed with your own confused thoughts to focus on what everyone was saying. All you could remember was looking up at everyone, everyone was smiling and laughing and your frowning at them all but they didn’t seem to notice.

“So we have dinner reservations at a restaurant for Seven, so if we end up splitting up that’s where we will meet,” Your Mom continued to explain, “But since this is a family day I hope we all be sticking together all day and yes I’m looking at you boys,”

Jamie and Danny protested the statement, your Dad and Joe just laughed.

“Oh,” You Mother cried, before pulling all five of you into a bear hug, you only reached her hips so once again your face was squished, “I can’t believe I get to believe I get to spend all day with all five o my babies,”

“Mom, don’t cry,” Erin said above you.

“I might not survive the day if you keep crushing my windpipe,” Danny spluttered.

She quickly released everyone before commenting playfully, “Sorry, for loving you all so much,”

“Come on let’s get going,” Your Dad instructed and with that, you made your way.

From there the seven you made your way around Coney Island. Constantly stopping and starting again, as everything seemed to grab the interest of at least one of you. None of you had realised how much you all had to catch up on with each other, everyone had something going on in their lives that they hadn't mentioned yet or fully explained. Your mother adored having all of you together and the fact that all of you were so close despite the large age differences. It was something she always worried about and the fact that sometimes he felt like she was always being pulled in five different directions which meant at least one of you was always left out. It was much easier when you were all together. Everyone was talking and enjoying themselves, happy. Just by simply being together.

Everyone except for you of course. You couldn't enjoy yourself as much as everyone else. Being the youngest meant that you couldn't participate in the rides that Joe and Jamie wanted to go on or a lot of the activities your Mom and Erin went off to do. So for a good proportion of the day you were on the sidelines with whoever was designated to take care of you. Not that you minded at that point, you were too upset but no one seemed to notice and it would fluctuate when you were distracted. Everyone was too distracted with enjoying themselves to notice that you weren't always. A lot of time to save time someone carried you round so that you wouldn't get too tired too quickly.

“What do you think, rockstar?” Your Mom asked bending slightly to meet you, as you stomped out of the dressing room of a kids clothing store that you, your mom and older sister Erin.

You frowned at the new denim dress that Erin had selected for you, which to you looked exactly like on you already had. You also shook your head to wobble the big red bow that Erin had put in your hair because she said it would match the new red shoes that your mom had selected.

“Well, that isn't a promising look,” She chuckled, grabbing your face in her hands and pulling it closer to hers, “What’s up?”

“I don’t like it!” You insisted.

“But you look so cute in it, well cuter than usual,” Your Mom winked at you with a reassuring grin, “What do you think Erin?”

“Y/N, you look adorable,” She complimented, playing with your mass of curly hair before straightening your bow.

“But I don’t want to be adorable,” You sighed.

“Then what do you want to be?” Your Mom questioned.

“A big girl,” You smiled, “So I can go on the rollercoasters,”

You Mom just chuckled while Erin who was at least a foot taller than your mom at that age knelt down beside you.

“You look like a big girl in that outfit,” she said.

“You’re just saying that because you picked it,” You frowned, narrowing your eyes at her suspiciously.

“No, I mean it,” She promised, “Look we’re matching,”

She gestured to the white and navy striped dress she was wearing and the shirt she had picked for you to wear under your new denim dress. Also white and navy.

“We are,” You beamed, your eyes lighting up before frowning again, “But you don’t like it when Mom tries to dress us the same,”

“I’ll make an exception for today,” She sighed.

“Really?”

“Only today because you look so amazing,” She teased, poking your ribs playfully and sticking your tongue at you.

“Is the lady satisfied?” Your Mom teased, shooting Erin a sneaky wink.

“Indeed,” You played along before you all left the store to meet the boys who were all waiting outside for you to finish.

“Can we go to the rides now?” Jamie asked as soon as you returned to the group.

Your Mom and Dad shared a look before looking down at you, knowing that you were too young to go on anything in that area. They seemed to interact telepathically, coming up with a plan without saying a word to each.

“All right boys, let’s go,” Your Mom responded as Jamie and Joe ran ahead.

“I’ll go too,” Erin added, walking alongside your mom.

Which left you, your Dad and Danny at the storefront. You looked up expectantly at your Dad, purposely ignoring your older brother.

“Hey kiddo, how about we try out some carnival games?” Danny asked.

“No,” You stated, ducking behind your Dad’s legs.

“No?” He repeated, taken aback.

You nodded before grabbing hold of your Dad tightly, his hands flying down to steady you.

“Oh okay,” He nodded.

“Why don’t you go catch up with everyone Danny,” Your Dad suggested pointedly leaving it as just the two of you.

He gathered you up in his arms and held you tightly against him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the Carnival?” He asked, studying your young face.

“Let’s go,”

Fifteen minutes you were happily throwing beanbags and even though you weren't making any progress on the towers of steel cups, you were having fun. And your Dad seemed to be having fun just the two of you as well. He eventually stepped in and helped you win a prize, a toy money that was almost as big as you were.

“A monkey for my little monkey,” He grinned handing you the prize almost causing you to topple over.

“You hold it,” You squealed, shoving it back into his arms as he laughed at you.

He put the monkey over one shoulder and grabbed your hand as you continued your way through the carnival.

You babbled happily to him as you went and even though he engaged with you, usually as happy, he watched you with a curious eye. Not forgetting your interaction with your older brother as well as your mood throughout the day. You were in the middle of telling him the story of your day at school the day before when he bumped into a cop that he knew. Your Father soon became distracted by the conversation enough that you eased your hand out of his. You knew that your Dad loved to talk to other cops and that it might take a while. You looked around for something to do but trying to make sure that you stayed close. You knew better than to wander off. You looked around suspiciously about to give up before you heard some frustrated sighs from a booth beside you.

Curious as ever, you wandered over to see what was making the boy so upset. He was tall and skinny boy, only a couple of years older than you with really blonde hair and bright eyes. You watched for a few minutes as he kept failing to aim the water gun correctly, so he kept on missing his target. He huffed in defeat, turned around and noticed you.

“Oh,” He said in surprise, “Are you waiting to play?”

“No,” You answered much to his confusion, “I was watching you,”

“I’m not very good at this game so it probably wasn't very interesting,” He blushed, shoving his hands in his pocket awkwardly in embarrassment.

“If you want I can show you how to do it,” You offered, brightly, “This is my favourite game,”

“Okay,” He nodded, sceptically, stepping out the way for you.

“You have to do it like this,” You instructed, repeating how Danny had once taught you when playing with water guns in the backyard.

You raised the water gun up with two hands, and aimed it in the right position, keeping your eye on the target before pressing the lever and hitting the bullseye exactly. You kept your hand steady until the tank filled up and the bell rang, indicating that you won a surprise. Once it did and you were handed your prize, a keychain this time, you turned back to look at the boy.

He had been watching you with his mouth open.

“Here you go,” You insisted, giving him the keychain.

“But it’s yours,” He said.

“And I’m giving it to you,” You smiled, “Do you think you can do it yourself now,”

He nodded, “You’re really good at it,”

“My brother Danny showed me how to do it,” You informed brightly before frowning again.

“What’s wrong?” The boy asked.

“My brother is leaving!” You cried.

“Why?”

“He’s getting a new family,” You said, sadly.

“That’s too bad. You’re like the coolest sister ever,” He comforted.

“Really?”

“Yeah, none of my older sisters know how to shoot a water gun,” He sighed, “They just talk about girly things like clothes and boys,”

“Boys are gross,” You shuddered.

“Hey,” He protested, offended.

“Not you,” You corrected, “You’re my friend,”

“I am?” He grinned.

“Yeah,” You nodded. “I’m Dominick, but everyone calls me Sonny,”

“Like sunshine?” You giggled.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, bashfully.

“I’m Y/N,” You breathed, reaching to shake his hand, “Nice to meet you,”

You shook each other's hands vigour-sly before bursting into giggles. You continued to chat about the game as Sonny had another go himself. But you were soon interrupted by your Dad calling for you.

“I have to go now,”

“Bye,” He waved.

You waved back before running back over to your hug who bent down to greet you with a hug.

“Where did you run off to?” He inquired, bopping you on the nose.

“Over there playing a game with my friend,” You pointed, giggling as he shook you around playfully.

“You just make friends everywhere don’t you?” He chuckled as he clasped your hand and you continued to walk up the pier.

“That’s because it's easy,”

“Not for everyone,” He informed before you stopped and sat on a bench that looked out over the seafront, “Do you want to know a secret, Y/N?”

You nodded, turning to look up at your Dad.

“Your Mom and I sat on this very bench on our first date,”

“Really, it’s that old?” You asked.

“Must be,” He laughed, “I took your mother here for our very first date and after we spent all afternoon playing carnival games we came and sat here for hours,”

“And you didn't get bored?”

“I could never be bored when I’m with your mother,”

“Do you get bored of me?” You inquired, curiously.

“No, of course not. I could never get bored of you,” He promised, pulling you into his side, “You’re my baby girl,”

“Is Danny bored of us?” You continued, widening your eyes up at him.

“Why are you asking that?” You Dad returned, clearly concerned.

“Because he’s leaving and starting a new family,” You began to sob, your eyes filling with tears.

“Hey,” Your Dad comforted, wiping away the tears that spilt down your face, “Danny isn't leaving the family. He’s always going to be your brother and apart of this family, all of us will always be.”

“Then why did Mom say, it was last time?” You demanded.

“Because when Danny gets married next weekend, they’ll be eight of us,” He clarified.

“Eight?”

“Well won’t Linda will be one of us?”

“She is?” You exclaimed.

“She’s going to be a Reagan, just like you and just like me,” He reassured.

“I love Linda,” You grinned before lowering your voice, “Sometimes more than Danny,”

“I know you do,” He smiled, hugging you tightly before pulling you away at arm's length, “Now should we go find Danny so you can say sorry for being mean to him,”

You nodded reluctantly before your Dad carried you to the other end of the pier where everyone else was. As you approached, you saw Danny standing with your Mom as your other brothers and Erin rode a ride that was going faster than you had ever seen before. As soon as you were in reach, you made your Dad put you down and you ran up to Danny, slamming into his side with so much momentum that you almost knocked him over before you hugged him.

“What the…Y/N?” He said jumping in surprise before steadying himself.

“Hi,”

“Oh, are we speaking now?” He probed, looking down at you, “You’ve been frowning at me all day,”

“Because I thought you were leaving me” You pouted, “But I know you aren't so we’re friends again,”

“What if I don’t want to be friends with you?” He countered.

You felt your face crumble as you gazed up at him.

“All right, all right, we’re friends,” He insisted quickly, finally hugging you back, “Just never look that upset again, promise?”

“Promise,” You nodded before whispering, “Hey Danny?”

“What’s up kiddo?”

“I’m really happy that Linda is going to be a Reagan,”

“Me too,” He smiled, poking at your dimples as you smiled back at him.

For the rest of evening, you stuck by Danny’s side, sitting by him at dinner and letting him carry you on the beach when all seven of you took a final stroll on the beach before leaving. You don't remember saying goodbye to Danny, Erin or Joe. The next thing you remember is waking up in the car, it was dark outside and Jamie was asleep beside you while your Dad snored quietly in the passenger seat. Your Mom who was driving and had noticed you stirring.

“Did your Dad’s snoring wake you?” She whispered to you.

You shook your head stifling a giggle as your mom motioned for you to be quiet.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“We’re heading home now,” She informed, “Did you have fun today?”

You nodded eagerly at her, “It was the best day ever,”

“I’m glad you had fun,”

“Did you Mommy?” You inquired.

“It was best the day ever,” You smiled, repeating your sentiment.

“What was your favourite part?” You questioned, intrigued as much as you could be in your tried state.

“Spending time for you, of course,” She insisted before adding, “And going back to the pier with your Dad,”

“Because that’s where you had your first date!” You reasoned.

“How do you know that?”

“It’s a secret,” You breathed, putting a finger to your lips.

“Uh huh,” She nodded sceptically, “Or your Dad is a blabbermouth,”

276 notes · View notes

grownups-are-the-real-monsters · 5 years

Text

Silver Bells

Summary: Richie is sick and tired of being badgered about relationships at his family Christmas parties. And his idiotic cousin always brags about his girlfriend. So when in need of a fake boyfriend to stop the annoyance, Eddie’s name comes out.

Words: 9,774

Ships: Reddie

Stanley Uris lightly dragged his pencil down the side of the worn out pages of his bird book, passing the bushels of color from the photos. A thin feather-light gray line followed in it’s path alongside the faded dark brown framing of the particular page. He grinned, a kind man’s grin, and hoped to himself that once winter ended he would get to see a lot more birds again. The distant chatter of the dinner customer crowd was just as foggy as his table’s paired window. The snow falling down tapped almost silently against it and left a delicate layer of moisture perfect for finger drawn doodles. Surrounding the view was a strand of tiny bulbs of Christmas lights. It was all very warm and welcoming, enhanced by the smell of home cooking. Stan enjoyed his job there and was glad he got it. Working under Mr. and Mrs. Carson, a lovely old couple, was just his favorite.

The only thing was the creepy little old timey paintings they had around the dining areas. A part of him loved them and another part hated them. Their eyes followed him everywhere.

“Stan!” Richie abruptly came from behind the booth and set his cold hands on the very slim opening of Stan’s shirt on to his exposed collarbones with the intent to scare him. But Stan remained still as the dead. It was not in the least bit surprising but it still disappointed Richie to no end. “How did that not get you this time?”

Stan made a small amused huff as Richie came round to slide into the bench across from him, eyes avoiding the painting behind his head. “Can’t be surprised by what you know is coming, Rich.” Was his simple explanation and it made Richie huff for himself, crossing his arms and leaning back on the cushioned seat. He sat still for as long as he could entertain himself, which wasn’t long at all, before he started to hastily remove his layers of warm clothing. Flakes of snow fell off like tiny beads onto the chair and table.

“Here, eat your soup. Still warm.” Stan pushed the tiny meal he brought from the kitchen over to his friend who he knew needed it. Richie gladly took it and started to dunk the little bread rolls into it. “I only have like ten minutes for break so, what’s up?”

Richie slurped his soup from the silver spoon and rolled his lips together in thought. Stan had mastered his mind-blocking of the unfavorable sounds of eating, loud chewing and other classic gross hits. It was a skill that had come with the job and was now just a nice bonus. He smiled to show his friend he was listening.

“I have a problem.” Richie swallowed his mouthful and sat back again like just the sentence had exhausted him. He reached over to play with the end of the scarf he had carelessly thrown on the table.

“I think that much is apparent, Rich.” Stan nodded with a playful little grin and Richie rolled his eyes which lead to his thing about following every one of Stan’s movements with his eyes. He did that from time to time & Stan as well. But where they differed was Stan only really ‘people watched’ those he did not know because he had all his friends movements committed to memory. Richie, however, only really did this with his friends. And he’d make key expressions that lead Stan to believe he was happy with himself for predicting these movements. It was like he needed some kind of reassurance that he knew them as well as he suspected.

Stan partly dabbled in the art of observing and noting his friends habitual patterns. He grinned to himself and shook his head the tiniest bit, his own physical note of happiness. Like Stan noticed, Richie’s nose twitched like he had expected that reaction.

The nose twitching reminded Stan of that show....Bewitched! He figured if any sort of power that character had existed in the real world that it would most surely not be allowed in a restaurant. Especially if the someone who had it was Richie. He could imagine the havoc he’d cause and it made him giggle. “They’ll kick you out for that, y’know.” He mumbled to himself. Richie’s eyebrow quirked but he just waved his hand to forget it. “Never mind that, tell me what’s wrong.”

“A lot of my relatives are coming over for Christmas and everyone of them bugs me about school and relationships sooo...” Richie trailed off and scooted up to the edge of the table with a look of amused dread. “I told my parents I had a boyfriend.”

Stan put on a little smirk. “I know where this is going.”

Richie raised his brow but he continued.

“I’ll do it but only cause I have a swell outfit I’ve been waiting to wear...” Stan trailed off in his special Stan way and rolled his head back on his shoulders with a tiny smirk.

“Oh no. I told them Eddie was my boyfriend. I mean, I thought it’d work cause my parents like him and I thought maybe everyone else would too. Then they’d get off my back a little.” Richie explained, waving with his hands like he was telling a great story. Stan began to laugh again which annoyed his friend but he didn’t seem to care.

“I would have made a great boyfriend, y’know? Better than Eddie.” Stan put on a frown and leaned over to punch his friends arm but Richie remained conflicted. “Truthfully, I don’t know if that was the best idea, Rich.”

From his more upright position, the eyes of one of the paintings locked on him. Stan would scowl or maybe just move if he was alone.

Richie frowned, looking offended. “Why?” He said with a very snippy tone. Stan gave him that look that he absolutely hated. It was the kind of look only Stan could do. It said all he had to say without a lick of speech. It drove Richie nuts because what it said was ‘I know something’.

“Well, because you like him.” Stan said casually, picking up the salt & pepper shakers to perfectly center them in front of the menus.

The only reaction Richie could muster was to scoff a few times and try to stumble his way through a reply. “That is ridiculous. Stan, where did you get that?” He narrowed his eyes because the confusion was loud in the back of his brain. “I don’t like Eddie.” He made sure to put the same tone on the word as his friend.

“Bev and I talk about it all the time.” Stan said in a joking manner but it still pissed Richie off.

“Well fucking stop cause I don’t.” Richie reached over and pinched him. Stan made a small ‘ow’ sound and rolled his eyes.

Stan licked his lips and shrugged, leaning his forearms on the table. “Ok, so I was wrong.” He didn’t seem all that bothered and Richie knew it was because Stan still thought of himself as right. It irked the shit outta him.

“I don’t, Stan.”

“I didn’t say anything-”

“You said it with your eyes.”

“Ok. I said it with my eyes, sorry.” Stan laughed softly. “Anyway, why didn’t you go talk to Eddie about this situation? Considering he is your ‘boyfriend’." Stan stood from the booth with a kind smile and looked down at him.

Richie pouted up at him like a child. “Eddie’s gonna be maaaad.” He frowned. “He'd have to come over and meet everybody and-” Richie put his face in his hands and chuckled himself before pulling his palms down so his skin would pull.

“I think you should give em’ a heads up.” Stan patted his shoulder and laughed. But when Richie made the move to get up from the booth, Stan stopped him with a gentle push as he whipped a towel over his shoulder. “Finish your soup first then go find him. He’s probably at the bike shop with Bill.”

Richie smiled and went for his food again. Stan went the backwards way back to the kitchen to avoid that particular painting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill Denbrough had been many different things in his lifetime so far and a fool was not one of them. Although as he approached the middle of his senior year in high school with his butt planted firmly on a glossy floor and staticky balloons with bright yellow smiling faces as his only company, he realized that everyone was a fool. No exceptions.

He tilted his chin up and felt the thickness of the air from the cloud of dust forming around him. The sneeze he held back gave him the closest thing to a high that he’d had in months. It was kinda nice. The smiley balloons leered above him with a much more mocking energy than he had planned for. Had this been just a couple years ago, he would’ve sworn they were swarming around him. It was deeply upsetting when paired with the cheery winter tunes on the radio. ‘They're really rockin’ around the Christmas tree, huh?’ Bill smiled a cheesy grin back at one because he was alone and did not give a shit. The kind of smile that gave a soft click from the shift of spit and showed off his great teeth. One of the damn smiley things popped. He sneezed.

“Mmmm I didn’t like that.” Bill whispered to himself with a slight grin as he steadied his hand once more on the cherry red bike he was working on. “Not one bit.” He went on meekly but with a spark of amusement. He had to be amused because if he wasn’t he’d be really annoyed.

Bill had worked at Sherwin’s Bike shop for roughly a year working under Mr. Sherwin, a small and outgoing old man. Bill had painted big bubble letters on the windows and wrote fun little sayings on the signs like ‘Sherwin’s Schwinns are sure to win’ for a while. But when the kind old man went and died on him a month ago, he left the store all to some new guy that Bill didn’t very much like. Which was why he was stuck with an early shift that started with being the only one in the store.

But now, he sat cross-legged on the bicycle shop floor some time later with his huge ‘Women want me, fish fear me’ shirt pooling into the lap of his jeans while he got stalked by smiling kids balloons. “All that worrying for nothing, huh? Turned out great, didn’t it?” Bill pursed his lips as he spoke to himself with such a heavy dose of sarcasm it would have annoyed anyone over thirty. And because he was becoming prematurely bitter, it sure did grind his gears too.

Grind his gears. That was a classic Mr. Sherwin expression. Bill hoped to God he wasn’t just going to straight up turn into the old man when he grew up, though he had loved him dearly. But his wardrobe spoke volumes on that idea. ‘Wearing a dead man’s shirt was like bad luck, wasn’t it?’ Bill paused from his work on the bike to think to himself. He sure hoped it wasn’t because he’d had enough of that in his life already.

It was the only damn piece of clothing in the store which made sense considering he had not thought to be prepared for spilling his coffee all over himself like an idiot at work. There had not been any time to go home for a change before he had to open but luckily, his favorite little old timer left this gem behind....’Almost as if he knew Bill would be an idiot.’ He was always one to tease him. The traces of his less prominent stutter that stayed with him was a popular subject to Mr. Sherwin’s comedy line-up. Bill missed him a lot but that did very little for him. People died on him, that was just the way it went.

One of his tools fell from the perch of his toolbox and shocked him enough to choke on his own spit. “F-f-fuck.” He cursed once he got most of his air back and stood, bringing the bike to full stance and laying it on it’s kickstand. And thus began the orchestra of disaster...

Once Bill had a small glass of water, he set it down to go back to his work but had misjudged his placement and it came to a crashing halt on the floor. The bike toppled over just a few feet away onto the tools which created harsh bangs of metal. Bill smacked himself on the forehead and bent to pick up the glass and cut his fingers. Blood trickled down his cupped hand as he rushed to get a towel that wasn’t covered in garbage.

“This is fine. Wonderful even.” Bill spoke in a voice so sickened with sarcasm and wrapped his hand slowly. He took a few moments to breathe in and out. It wasn’t as if he’d be alone much longer. His co-workers would be starting their shifts soon. That took a little weight off his shoulders and allowed him to relax.

Another balloon popped.

And the glass doors abruptly opened. Bill almost jumped into the air but he was soothed as Richie came bopping in with a carefree smile. “Hey Bill have you seen-? Christ! What happened!?”

Richie darted over and Bill was momentarily confused before remembering his cut-up hand. “Oh that...accident.” He tried to wave his hand to dismiss it but ended up flicking blood onto the counter. Richie rolled his eyes and tried to remember some of the medical shit Eddie had told him over the course of their friendship.

Richie attempted to wrap Bill’s hand properly while the other man shifted around the counter looking tired.

“Hey, at least the good stuff in life only requires one hand, huh?” Richie made an obscene gesture and Bill only rolled his eyes with a look of distaste. He awkwardly chuckled and went back to his job. One of the floating yellow bastards began to deflate slowly and descended a ways towards the floor. Bill felt a flare of silly anger from his gut as he followed it with his eyes. The tension was so thick that Richie briefly looked up & over his glasses to check it out, turning to see what was so infuriating to his friend.

“You do know that’s just a balloon, right?” Richie chuckled and Bill let out a small grin.

“Damn t-t-things are annoying the crap outta me.” Bill shook his head and Richie pushed his glasses up.

“Was Eddie around earlier? Kinda have to talk to him.”

“No one comes just to visit me anymore.” Bill mock pouted and took his injured hand back from his friend. “Yeah, E-E-Eddie came in looking for you actually. He meant to catch you before he started work but said he was outta time now. So I’d go looking for him at the theater.” Bill said with a grin. Richie rolled his eyes because, of course.

“I’ll come visit you later, Big Bill. Take care of your hand.” Richie snapped his fingers and made to exit.

“Oh! Before I forget!” Richie piped back up, sliding closer to Bill again. “Where can a guy like me get one of those ‘Women want me, fish fear me’ shirts? Asking for a friend.” He waggled his eyebrows and made a mockingly curious face all his own.

Bill rolled his eyes but had to laugh at the way Richie spoke and moved. ‘That was his real kicker, he thought. Richie just fuckin’ moved and acted so ridiculous that it was truly his powerhouse. Especially considering it came off so natural.’ Bill shook his head a few times and moved to shrug and shove his hands into his pockets.

“S’not funny Bill. My friend really wants to know, ok?” Richie slapped Bill’s arm and broke himself. ‘His true weakness however was laughing before he could fully commit to a joke. Which could sometimes be even fucking funnier....so maybe it wasn’t a weakness’, Bill thought.

They laughed endlessly for what seemed like hours. Every-time they thought the bug was gone, they’d just share a look and succumb to weird versions of their usual laughs. One’s that were more like hissing from being a victim of such restrain or their bodies would just rock in silence because nothing could even come out anymore.

“What’s the matter with you, that wasn’t even funny.” Richie spoke through restrained giggles. Bill shrugged and cradled his hand.

“I dunno. I’ll s-s-see you later, man.” Bill patted him with his good hand and walked with him to the door as he spotted his co-workers beginning to walk in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie bopped inside the theater with hesitance. Eddie was a pistol and he was not too excited to hear the whole spiel he would surely have prepared in seconds flat for Richie name dropping him as his ‘boyfriend’.

Upon entry he could easily spot his tiny friend working as the ticket boy though since it was a slow day, Eddie was texting hurriedly under the tiny little booth. He grinned. Eds was not a champion at being subtle. It was by some miracle that he’d yet to be noticed. Just as Richie was starting to walk over, his own phone buzzed.

Eddie: Work is dead. Bring me a Redbull.

Richie held in his giggle and happily skipped on over. “Hey! You shouldn't be texting on the job!” The deep and loud yell was contrary to his bouncy demeanor and wide grin. However, Eddie jumped about a foot in the air and by the look of it, had a mini heart attack.

“Oh fuck you. I thought you were Robert.” Eddie rolled his eyes and smacked Richie hard in the arm. Robert was Eddie’s manager, a nice little old man, who Richie knew well enough just by visiting Eds all the time. That and he personally rejected Richie’s application on three different occasions.

“That was the point.” Richie gave some passers-by the side-eye as they looked up to stare at them. The theater was pretty dead so this was the most excitement they probably had all day. “I’m really good at impressions, huh?” He playfully tapped him.

“It isn’t hard to mock Robert, Rich. Where’s my Redbull?”

Richie rolled his eyes and leaned on the little booth. “I got here ten seconds before you texted me. I’m not a psychic nor The Flash, y’know?”

Eddie frowned but shrugged before they fell into an easy small-talk. “So why did you come visit then?”

Richie grinned again though this time it was a little nervous. “Can’t I just come say hi?” He chuckled and Eddie smirked.

“You come say hi like every time I’m on the clock. But I can always tell when you want something.” Eddie playfully narrowed his eyes and Richie felt his stomach drop a little. He glanced away and let his eyes drag over the red and gold decor of the theater. He felt the familiar bitterness for not being hired himself, he loved this place.

“So here’s the thing-”

“I knew it.” Eddie shook his head with a smile but quickly quieted to let his friend speak. He rolled his lips together, sniffled and rubbed his finger under his nose.

“You know how my family bugs me about how I never date anyone?” Richie asked and Eddie nodded. “Well, everyone’s coming over for this Christmas party in a few days and it’s a whole thing... dinner, activities, and all that jazz.” Richie made jazz hands with a flat expression and Eddie fought back a tiny giggle. “So in order to dodge all those annoying questions...I told my parents that I have a boyfriend.”

“You came out to your parents? That’s great! How did they take it?”

“Great but that’s not the point-” Richie had never doubted his parents would be ok with it. He had a gut feeling that they already knew, probably even before Richie himself did. “I told them I had a boyfriend.”

“But you don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Thank you, captain obvious.” Richie rolled his eyes. “That’s the um...-Well I told them that you were my boyfriend..”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth but Richie was already set on a long tangent.

“I only said it because they like you so much, Eds. And I just don’t wanna hear that whole spiel again about relationships and I figured I could get them off my backs by being in one. Plus my mom already had suspicions about me being in a relationship. And when I said your name, she seemed pretty psyched....so yeah.” Richie grinned like a child after they’d done something wrong and rubbed behind his ear.

He recalled the moment he’d told his mother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had been mindlessly bickering about the yearly Tozier Christmas party while she cleaned the kitchen. The oven cleaner had gone right to his head and made him slightly more irritated than normal. The idea of this tradition was more so a burden to him now than it ever was. Being that once he turned around fifteen, all the questions were about dating and school. And his idiotic cousin who already had a girlfriend.

“Mom?.....Mom?....Mom!?” Richie whined like a child as Maggie Tozier pulled her head out of the oven with a comical grin that looked eerily familiar, Richie dropped his own grin. “Is everyone coming?”

“Yes, Richie. Everyone but your cousin. He’s got plans with his girlfriend, y’know.” She poked his shoulder in a very ‘mom’ like way.

“Oh that’s bull.”

“Richie!” She smacked the back of his head lightly. “Wouldn’t hurt you to just tell me you're dating someone.” She pursed her lips in the same way Stanley Uris did when he ‘knew’ something. He sat up straight with curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, I know you do. You go out all the time with the same excuse. ‘Going to hang-out with Eddie.’ or ‘Gonna go visit Eddie at work’. How many times can you be bothering that boy, realistically? I know that’s a cover-up son. I’m hip with the lingo.” Maggie circle her face with an extended finger and Richie held back a burst of laughter.

Though that had been quite amusing, Richie was momentarily thrown that she’d noticed how much he, quote unquote, bothered Eddie. It wasn’t that much. Of course not.

“You know your aunts and everyone wouldn’t bother you so much if you just admitted to it and brought her over.” She threw her dish towel over her shoulder, neglecting to remember it was covered in the oven cleaner that made Richie lightheaded and irritable.

The more Richie thought about it, his mother was on to something. No more long awkward conversations about setting him up with the local teenagers they knew. He gritted his teeth just thinking about it. He held up his hands in mock surrender and spoke without thinking, which he did a lot.

“You caught me, ma. You’re one...ugh...smart cookie, huh?” He put on some on some old timey voice and bumped her on the arm. She rolled her eyes but actually looked pretty pleased. “I have a boyfriend.”

Richie had spoke before he realized he’d basically just accidentally came out of the closet. He wasn’t too concerned but still....

Maggie just lit up though, her smile was wide and loving. “His name....?”

Richie panicked. “It actually is Eddie! That’s why I hang out with him all the time!” He gestured, very happy with himself.

‘That was smart, good job.’ He patted himself on the back.

That is until he realized the consequences of his words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why don’t you umm...think about it?” Richie suggested, fearing a long rant from the boy. “Keep in mind, it’d sure help me a lot.” He grinned and Eddie chuckled, he felt better. “I’ll come back in like ten minutes.”

Eddie smiled like he was more so amused at the other boy than pleased, at least that’s what Richie thought. He gently patted Eddie’s arm and began to exit just as he saw Robert make his way over.

As he headed to the door, he caught the beginning to their conversation.

“You’ve got some weird friends, Eddie...”

“Do I now?” Eddie’s voice suggested amusement.

“Yeah. I don’t like that Richie kid, but you know that. You should hang more with that um....Bill kid or the Mike one. They’re nice respectable boys.”

“Alright boss.” Eddie laughed.

Richie couldn’t help but laugh. Though that old man didn’t like him and rejected his applications, Richie fuckin’ loved Robert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Richie buzzed off for a while, Eddie moved on to cleaning the popcorn machine. His least favorite thing to do in the whole entire world. His thoughts easily drifted to the proposition Richie had given him. And as he cleaned the slimy grease off the counters nearby, he felt his stomach flutter.

He liked Richie. Liked him. He so badly wanted to take this chance while he could because heaven knows he’d never actually say a thing to Richie about his feelings. He’d sooner die.

He had mentioned it to Bill however, ‘well more like Bill found out all on his own because he knows me too well & I’m way to transparent but I digress.’ Eddie frowned deeply. Bill would be pissed if he found out Eddie had agreed to a plan like this. He could hear the whole speech about how this would only hurt his feelings in the long run now. But Eddie was thinking about saying yes. Really how bad could the harm be? Yeah he’d get his feelings hurt but he’d get to spend the day as Richie’s ‘boyfriend’...

Screw Bill. He was going to say yes.

Ten minutes went by astoundingly quick and Richie was easily spotted in the corner of Eddie’s vision just as soon as he started to wipe down the concessions counter. He turned, mouth open to speak but Richie interrupted by sliding a can of Redbull to him. He grinned widely.

“Oh you spoil me, Richie Tozier.” His voice was light and soft and he could almost feel a blush beginning to bloom on his cheeks.

Richie happily leaned over the counter to pinch his cheek. “Anything for my Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie swatted his hand away but missed it just as soon as it was gone. For a few comfortable minutes they were silent and smiley.

Eddie coughed and looked down towards the candy case as if examining the order. “So I’ve thought about it.”

Richie tried not to get his hopes up.

“I’ll do it.” Eddie looked up again, once more wiping his finger nervously under his nose. Richie followed the movement with his eyes and looked as if he knew he Eddie was going to do it. He then lit up with a wide smile, so wide in fact that his cheeks pushed his glasses up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And you said what!?” Bill narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms with all the grace of a middle-aged dad. Eddie gritted his teeth slightly as he responded with a ‘grin’ and twiddled his thumbs.

“I said yes and it’s too late to change it.” He shrugged with a purse of his lips, looking rather smug.

“No it’s not! Tell him I s-s-said no!” Bill spoke in all seriousness even though Eddie giggled like a child at that. “Be serious Eddie. This is only going to hurt you in the long run.”

Eddie pondered that statement for a few seconds and pushed himself off the wall of the bike store. “One day being Richie’s boyfriend is better then nothing, Bill.”

Bill rolled his eyes and tapped lightly at a bike handle. “I can’t believe you agreed to such a d-d-dumb idea.” He spoke as if he was wise beyond his years. Eddie loved and hated that trait, right now he mostly hated it.

“Look. I’m not trying to be the bad guy, Eddie. But once the day is done, you and Richie will be too. W-Where will that leave you? S-s-sad and regretful.” Bill rolled his lips together and felt a pinch in his gut. Eddie’s eyes glazed over with thought again and he could tell he was biting his cheek.

“I’ll be fine and I invite you to call my bluff afterwards if I’m wrong.” Eddie nodded.

Bill sighed, momentarily giving up the subject in fear of causing too much strain. The two of them ended up watching one of those stupid and unsettling yellow balloons slowly deflate to the ground for twenty minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day of the Tozier Christmas Party, Richie woke up supremely early to help his mother around the home. The cleaning, the tidying, the whole ordeal. His father sat at the kitchen counter reading the paper without a care in the world while his lovely & helpful son cleaned under the table.

‘Under the God damn thing. Like seriously? Who was gonna see under the thing? Beside’s maybe Grandma Ruth’s frickin’ dog.’ Richie pouted to himself as he laid under the thing and heard Wentworth Tozier’s soft laughter. Richie decided to give him a little show.

He moved to crawl under but purposefully misjudged his distance and smacked his head against the table. Wentworth burst into laughter, the kind Richie basked in with pride. Playing stupid wasn’t his preferred method to get laughter but it sure was effective in small doses.

“Oh Richie....” His mother’s voice cooed from the other room as if she just knew what happened from the ‘thump’ sound.

“I’m ok, ma. Tip top shape even.” Richie stood up as he called out loudly to his mother, rag hanging out of his pocket as he moved to sit next to his father, still chuckling. “So’s the table. Am I done for the day now?”

Wentworth ruffled his son’s hair. “Sure, sure. But before you go goof off somewhere, is my oh so wonderful son bringing someone to our little party this year?”

Richie slouched and shrugged him off with a playful frown. “Just Eddie, you’ve met him.” He assumed his father did not no of the details yet. Maggie Tozier might be a gossip but right now she was a little preoccupied, he heard her opening and closing drawers to reorganize them now. Plus, she most likely would want Richie to explain it when he was ready.

“Ahh Eddie, yes.” He nodded, not seeing anything weird in that idea. Richie pursed his lips.

“I just wanted to um....” Richie stumbled a little, not quite expecting his nerves to rise as they were. It was a little shocking. He knew 100% that his father wouldn’t care about the gay thing and would love him either way. So was it the Eddie thing he was nervous about? He shouldn’t even care about that cause it wasn’t even a real thing. “Bring someone special, you know?”

“He’s one of your childhood pals, Rich. Sure he’s special.” Wentworth casually spoke as he filled in another word in his crossword puzzle. “That’s why we invite your ‘Uncle’ Dan. He’s been my buddy since I was ten. Did I ever tell you how I met him-?”

“Yeah Dad. Just a little over two hundred times.” Richie wondered if all father’s had trouble recalling what boring stories they’d told at nausea.

“Anyway” Richie paused to think. He really had to sell this to get him to believe Eddie was his boyfriend.

So he took advantage of his nerves to give the best acting performance of his life...’and it wasn’t even that hard!’ His father turned to him, oblivious as ever. “Never-mind it’s stupid.”

Wentworth smiled up at his child and chuckled, swallowing his first tedious sip of the coffee he’d been nursing. "I say a lot of stupid things, I won't mind."

Richie gave him a look a lot of children give their parents. One of begrudging amusement and familiarity. “Well, Eddie and I are dating, dad.” Richie blurted and bit his lip afterward, wondering if that had been too strong.

“You don’t have to tell me that.” He rolled his eyes. “All kids your age are dating, son.” He shrugged and Richie blinked. How had he completely missed the point?

“Each other, dad. We’re dating each other” Richie rolled his eyes. Wentworth grinned.

“Oh. Alrighty then. Better warn him about your aunts, my boy. They’ll be swarming him with questions.” He stood, the chair squeaking, and patted Richie’s back softly.

Richie smiled, no teeth, just a casual joyful grin. “Better warn him about you too, dad. You and mom can be quite the handful, I tell ya.” He laughed and felt instant warmth and relief as he leaned back and his father wrapped his arms around him briefly. “Thanks.” He mumbled into his arm.

His father said nothing else. Just shook his son lightly and kissed the top of his head, a gesture Richie usually hated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything had worked out perfectly. Eddie’s mother was going to be out for the day with a friend but not before she helped him bake some peppermint brownies. To avoid suspicion, Eddie insisted they were for his track team because they were meeting for practice today. She was none the wiser to the fact that Track was not even in season right now.

To sell the point even further, Ben came over early in the morning to help them and to vouch for Eddie’s track story.

“Eddie. You could have said cross country, at least that’s currently in season.” Ben rolled his eyes with a small laugh. Eddie bumped his elbow and shrugged.

“Well, track’s what came out of my mouth so we’re going with it.” He sprinkled some peppermint dust on the brownies. Sonia Kaspbrak was getting her things together before she had to leave. “Besides, I’m not doing cross country again. Just track for me.”

Ben recalled the one year Eddie had done both and all the times he’d complained about running through the ‘fucking disgusting woods, Ben.’ He laughed. “I could guess that.”

“So what exactly am I helping you with now?” Ben asked, playing connect the dots with the candy cane pieces in his mind.

“...The brownies.” Eddie said dumbly, arm hovering over the pan of food. Ben laughed again.

“Yeah, no. I got that dummy. I met what am I helping you cover for?” Ben smacked his arm lightly as Eddie mumbled a small ‘oh’.

“Richie needed a fake boyfriend for a Christmas party to you know, get his family off his back.” Eddie shrugged, casually.

Ben chuckled again. “Sounds like a nightmare.” He joked. Eddie laughed too after what he thought was a pause.

“It’s a way to spend an afternoon alright. At least I’ll get some food and shit.” Eddie dusted his hands of crumbled candy and wiped them down his pant legs. “He’s coming over early, just as soon as my mom leaves to....” He stopped moving his hands to think it over. “actually I don’t know.”

Ben raised his eyebrows with amusement.

The two of them finished up the dessert treat and once Sonia had left, with a bit of a struggle, Ben made his exit too.

Eddie wrapped some tin foil over the pan and placed it on his counter just as a knock came at the door. Just as he swung the door open, a hug black garbage bag thrust into his arms.

“Is your mom here?” Came Richie’s voice, slightly muffled as Eddie’s face was shoved into the bag. He threw the thing onto his carpet and rolled his eyes. Richie stood in his doorway with a wide mischievous smile and a Christmas sweater that was practically glowing from the twinkle.

“No but if she was, your ass would be thrown out on the sidewalk by now. Do you have to make such a scene when you enter a room?” Eddie playfully smacked his cheek and Richie shoved him off, moving towards his bag of treasures.

“The answer is yes, Eddie my boy.” Richie sat on the ground and started to untie his bag. “And look what I have brought for you, my dear boyfriend.” Richie chuckled and Eddie swallowed thickly.

For a panicked moment, Eddie fully agreed with Bill. Just from the use of that word. It hit him in the gut and took with it his breath, he almost reached for his inhaler. However Richie did not miss a beat and was already pulling crap out of the bag to show him.

“You gotta pick one so you can blend in with the Toziers, who dress soooooo very cool.”

The garbage bag was full of Christmas sweaters, each one uglier than the next. Eddie let himself laugh again and took a seat on the carpet with his friend to dig through the pile of mess.

And for a solid twenty minutes, Eddie didn’t have a care in the world. As long as Richie was making him laugh and displaying his lovely sweater collection, he was happy and carefree.

After some fun, Richie and Eddie headed on their way together. The drive was surprisingly quiet, each boy inside their own head. Richie admired the falling snow and hoped that it would stick around to last through Christmas day.

Eddie’s mind was happily pushing out the risks about the day and feeling the slight itch from his borrowed sweater. He was elated from the knowledge that under Richie’s own thin coat, his sweater matched with his. He grinned and twitched his nose. He was pleasantly surprised that he wasn’t feeling that nervous anymore....in fact the only bothersome feeling he was having was that kind of absent feeling? He shook his hands which somehow felt empty as if he forgot something....

“Shit! Oh my god, you’re so stupid.” Eddie smacked his forehead and yelled at himself. Richie just about jumped six feet in the air from the abrupt surprise.

“Hey! What’d I do???” Richie blinked and Eddie turned to him with a look of amusement and annoyance, he gave that look to Richie a lot.

“No, I was talking to myself....I made brownies for your family but I doubt they’ll enjoy them much if they’re still in my kitchen.”

Richie chuckled for a few seconds before realizing they’d have to drive all the way back to Eddie’s house. “Oh crap.” He muttered, fidgeting in the drivers seat like he was going to turn.

Brenda Lee was singing with a voice of jolly as Richie pulled into a gas station to turn them around. “Should actually get some gas here, Rich. You’re gas light’s gonna be on in like two minutes I bet.” Eddie laughed.

Richie frowned. He was a really good driver but if he had one problem, it was forgetting to get gas or just pretending he didn’t need to do it. He did not like having to stop because it was an ‘inconvenience’. It made Eddie laugh because what an actual inconvenience it’d be if the guy ran out of gas in the middle of driving.

As the boy got out of the car, Eddie turned up the radio and felt the vibration of Richie sticking the gas pump in. The radio started out in soft whispers and grew louder in a familiar nostalgic way. Eddie knew just what it was so he lowered his window for his companion. “Listen to what you’re missing, Rich!!”

“...Another year over. And a new one just begun. And so this is Christmas...”

Richie instantly shouted out a loud cry of enjoyment. He finished filling the car up and hurried over to the window with the brightest grin Eddie had ever seen, he scooted back on his seat as if afraid of the sudden closeness. “This is why I hate getting gas. I miss everything good.” He leaned further into the car.

“Then get in and lets’ go.” Eddie said, almost begging him to back up and stop leaning over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie and Eddie made it back to his house and collected the brownies which were just too enticing for Richie not to try on the way back to his house. He ate three out of the huge pan full. Eddie smacked his hand the fourth time he tried to reach for one.

Richie did a great rendition of Elton John’s ‘Step Into Christmas’ where he got louder and louder every line which ended just in time for him to pull into his icy driveway. He turned the car off and made no immediate move to get out, just leaned back and sighed. “We’re still really early so it’s still probably just my parents.”

Eddie nodded.

“You ready for the greatest time of your life, dear?” Richie asked a sweet voice and made Eddie grin and laugh. Richie took that as yes and hopped out of the car in a flash and before Eddie could even think to open his door, Richie opened it for him.

Eddie whistled as he hopped out, careful not to slip though Richie looked ready to help if needed. “Oh how I love when you’re a gentleman.” He batted his eyes in some impression of a love-struck teen. He didn’t really know for sure what he was going for, after all Richie was the impressionist.

Richie almost looked flattered for a second, blinking with a shy grin. But almost instantly after, he rushed to the door while Eddie followed after.

Richie started speaking almost before he even opened the door, “ 'Zat You, Santa Claus?” He questioned sarcastically as he slid inside with a smirk. “Oh no, just your loving son.” He smiled and then gestured for Eddie to follow him.

“Dusting off the ol’ Louis Armstrong impression for the holidays, huh?” Wentworth spoke up from the kitchen counter. His newspaper spilled from his hands and spread over the table. His eyes still glanced over to read a few lines as his mother used the sports section as a placemat for cutting up ribbon. She glanced up and the look on her face was way more excited than Richie had expected and suddenly he was nervous again.

The home was in the process of being decorated, evergreen garland wrapped their banister and bundles of lights nested deeply in the spaces between green and pine cone. Richie was willing to bit his mother had forgot about the annual Christmas sprucing again and borrowed some extra lights from their neighbors. The ol’ time-y 50′s radio that Richie had found at a garage sale was pulled from his room and sat neatly a-top their crappy fireplace. James Taylor was currently wishing them all a merry little Christmas. He smiled.

“Eddie!” Maggie happily strolled over and stood before them.

“I’m here too mom.” Richie said sarcastically and she waved her hand with a matching smirk.

“Hi, Mrs. Tozier, Mr. Tozier.”

Richie could tell Eddie was a little nervous but who wouldn’t be if you had to pretend to be dating someone in front of their parents?

“I made everyone some brownies...there’d be more if your son didn’t eat three on the way over here.” Eddie playfully smacked Richie’s arm and handed over the pan to Maggie, who looked grateful.

“He is his fathers boy.” Maggie threw a look to her husband as she slid the treats carefully before him. He was not really paying attention to her and habitually reached out for a sweet brownie. Maggie slapped his hand and gave Eddie a look that said ‘See!’ and they shared a laugh.

“Hey! What’d I do?” Wentworth questioned, darting his eyes between them.

Richie felt a little odd at the moment. It was a new level of bonding that just occurred between his mother and Eddie. A simple shared joke about the Tozier boys...’Their Tozier boys’....it made his face burn a holly colored red that luckily no one saw.

“I thought you kids might wanna decorate the tree before the family shows up.” Wentworth scooted out of his seat and followed them into the living room area, picking up a smaller ornament box while Richie took a larger to set on the couch.

This was Richie’s favorite activity. God, he loved this time of the year. He started to carefully dig through the boxes for the best ones while Eddie sat down on the couch. “You gonna help me or what, Eddie dear?”

Eddie scoffed, leaning his body over the box. “I dunno....you probably ate enough sugar to do it all yourself in thirty seconds, Rich.” He spoke softly but with his favorite tone...teasing.

Richie rolled his eyes and leaned over the box as well, slightly taller so Eddie tilted his chin up. “You’re such a Grinch these days...” He sighed and lifted a clearly handmade ornament, admiring it in his hand. “I miss the boy in this ornament...he was much more fun back then.”

Eddie furrowed his brows and sat on his knees to get a peek of the ornament however Richie moved it from just under his nose. “Oh come on, what is that?” He scurried off the couch and fought him for it.

Neither boy cared to notice Richie’s parents who were so obviously enjoying the show. Maggie smacked Wentworth’s arm to get him to look and when he did, he held back laughter. “These kids...” She rolled her eyes but let her hand rest over her heart.

“Aha!” Eddie ripped the thing from his friend and got the look he wanted so badly. It was a handmade clay red and green frame with a photo of the two of them when they were no more than eight. Richie wanted to see the look on Eddie’s face so he instinctively rested his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. He’d been doing that lately a lot since Eddie was much shorter than him. “Awwww...” Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “We look so stupid.” He burst into laughter and thrusted the ornament back to his ‘boyfriend.’

“I gotta see this.” Wentworth jumped up and went over to them, Richie gladly handed it over. His dad smiled and shook his head and soon Maggie was over there just the same.

“And who would’ve known those two idiots would grow up to be two idiots in love.” Richie mocked, hand on his chest before looking at Eddie. That’s when he realized the heaviness of his words. Eddie’s eyes were wide and for a half second, panicked. No one in the room seemed to know what to do but for different reasons. Richie allowed his parents to believe the air was tense because they’d simply not said the ‘L’ word just yet while he and Eddie didn’t make eye contact.

“Ummm, ok. Who wants to hang the elf with one arm?” Richie held up the broken ornament with an awkward smile. Eddie chuckled, taking it from him, so everyone knew it was ok again.

They spent twenty minutes hanging shit. There were tons of ornaments Richie didn’t even remember like a vintage looking yellow balloon with a black smiley face. He figured it was one of his dads, he was weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had only took two or three guests arriving for Richie and Eddie to fall into a comfortable routine. Mostly because nothing had really changed. Richie always put his arm around Eddie, Eddie always begged Richie for bites of his food when he was perfectly capable of getting his own, and Richie always played with the end of Eddie’s sleeves.

By the time everyone was all counted for, Richie and Eddie were making their rounds with no problem. Richie could not believe how easy it was. They got told they were the cutest little couple like ten different times. ‘That was strange, huh? Nah, I’m a great actor so...’ Richie got distracted by Eddie looping their arms together.

Eddie was in shock that he played the part so well. Even family members he’d met before found it completely normal for the two of them to be ‘dating now’. It pained him a lot. Even more than he suspected.

The two of them and found a moment to themselves in the corner of the room on an old chair. Richie cradled a Pine candle that he raised to his nose every thirty seconds or so. “So, how weird is it for you?” Richie asked, head tilting to the side.

Eddie frowned. “Very.” ‘painful’. He took the candle to smell it for himself.

Richie deflated at that answer and he wasn’t quite sure why. That had been what he’d expected. He looked up to where his mother was showing everyone some childhood scrapbook and caught a comment.

“I knew it. Mary, I’ll tell you that much. I knew those two were a couple.”

Wentworth rolled his eyes, sipping the most classic dad drink he ever could, eggnog. “No you did not.”

His mother turned with her lips pursed to start bickering about it and Richie did not want to hear anymore. “What about you, Rich?” Eddie handed the candle back over.

Richie took in a nice long breath of it and rolled his lips together. “I mean yeah, but when everyone was trying to get us under the mistletoe I was excited. I’ve just been dying to kiss ya, Eds my love.” He grinned and leaned over to pinch his cheeks and Eddie rolled his eyes, slapping his arm to initiate a play fight.

“Awww look how cute.”

Both boys stopped suddenly as Richie’s aunt Mary stopped in front of them. Their cheeks turned rosy shades of pink.

“Hey Aunt Mary....” They both smiled awkwardly, dropping their hands into their own laps.

“Now. I’ve heard from just about everyone on how cute you two are.” She put her hands on her hips and they nodded out of politeness. “But I would like to know how it started. I mean I’ve known you Eddie since you were about...yay big.” She paused to make sure her measurement was right, her hand hovered low to the ground. “So it must be a cute story. You guys were adorable then too.” She laughed.

‘Crap.’ Of all their preparing, they lacked an actual answer for that. They never did come up with a full story. Richie turned to his friend, who looked equally lost and figured he should take the handle on this since it was all his idea.

“Well, I think I always just knew, you know?” Richie started, hoping he could pull it off. So he tried to remember why everyone truly believed them. “But I’m pretty shit at being serious about things like that so I always just joked with Eddie about it, I’m sure you remember hearing some of that?” He asked her and she nodded, not even caring that he swore just then.

“Anyway, I um....” He scratched behind his ear before awkwardly sliding it over to clasp Eddies for a more convincing look. Eddie didn’t even flinch, in fact, he looked rather interested himself. “It was after this really awesome day we had this past summer. We’d all hung out all day and at some point we were the only two left so I asked Eddie if he wanted to get ice cream. And what was it that we got...?” Richie laughed and looked to Eddie. This was such an unnecessary detail but he was basing this on an actual day they had and for the life of him, he could not remember their order from that day.

“Rocket pops.” Eddie supplied him with what he remembered and shook their hands, for a few seconds they just looked at each other.

“Oh yeah, Rocket pops. So I being an idiot, thought it’d be funny to scare Eddie on my way back from getting mine and so I did and you should’ve seen him.” He started to laugh. “He must’ve been going for a record jump. Eds Kaspbrak gets twenty feet off ground....” He laughed some more before gathering himself for his aunt’s sake.

“And he drops his right? We didn’t have anymore money left either so I felt like the scum of the earth.” He pats their clasped hands with his free one. “So I gave him mine. He didn’t even care about my germs. And I dunno...something about that moment was too perfect. I was still out of breath from the greatest day ever, I think Bruce Springsteen was playing on the loud speaker at the ice cream place and he makes me overly confident like nothing else-” He laughed again “And it was so God damn sunny out....so like the perfect day, right?” He was going on one of his tangents.

Eddie’s hand tightened it’s grip and Richie felt less nervous. “So I just kinda actually realized it for the first time and I knew that I had to say something right then and there or I’d regret it.” He waved his hand and when everyone was still looking, he let it fall. His chest tightened with embarrassment.

“Awwww, you two are the cutest kids.” Aunt Mary said in that adult tone of voice that read like she didn’t believe they’d last very long and she walked away. However, Eddie smacked his arm hard enough to leave a hand-print.

“Ow! What’d I do?” Richie rubbed at it and whined. Eddie shook his head and smiled.

“How did you come up with that?”

Richie felt himself grow even more embarrassed. “Oh well, you know-”

“Richie! come here for a minute!” He heard his mother call and was instantly relieved to escape the moment. He gave Eddie a small smile and squeezed his shoulder in habit as he left the room.

About five minutes later Eddie got bored and walked into the kitchen. He made a terrible mistake when he stopped at the door frame next to Richie where they were now...both under the mistletoe. ‘Crap’

This time, they’d done it themselves but no one seemed to notice a part from them. Richie looked up and back at Eddie, then Eddie did the same.

Both boys remained still and focused on the other. There was something between them in this moment, Eddie was sure. And God he really hoped so. Richie had to be thinking the same thing. Who could say a story like that and not mean it?

Richie twiddled his thumbs as he looked at the smaller boy. That story had just come out of him really. But when he was saying it....boy he really wished that had been what happened. Looking at Eddie right now, he was oh so sure he felt the same way.

‘This is it. He’s gonna say something’ Richie thought.

‘This is it. He’s gonna say something’ Eddie thought.

“Kids come here for a second!”

They both jumped, maybe breaking Eddie’s record from the ice cream shop and felt their chances were blown. Even worse, both felt that maybe they were reading too much into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He's got to wear his goggles 'cause the snow really bites And he's cruisin' every path with a little surprise-”

“Dad? Did you just say ‘the snow really bites?’ ” Richie asked his father with a laugh. Wentworth nodded. “That’s not right. It’s ‘the snow really flies’, dad.”

Eddie chuckled as he plopped into the seat next to Richie. Richie’s dad pulled back with a shocked expression.

“You’re kidding?”

“No dad. I know that song in and out. No one knows the Beach Boys better than your awesome son.” Richie stuck his thumb to his chest and Wentworth scoffed, getting up and ruffling his sons hair. Richie watched him go and turned to his small friend. “How goes it, my love?” He pinched his arm. Eddie smacked his hand away.

“Don’t do that, asshole.” He reached over and pinched him back. Eddie wanted so badly to start actually talking about how he was feeling like a normal person. But he really couldn’t get it out. Bill was right. This was a bad idea and any pain he was feeling was his own damn fault.

‘Little Saint Nick’ faded into ‘Silver Bells’ and Richie lit up like a Christmas tree. “Come on Eds, my dear. We should probably dance, you know?” He held out his hand and Eddie hesitated before allowing it.

Teasing ‘whoops’ and whistles came from his family members and Eddie hoped he wasn’t blushing. Richie just played along, rolling his eyes and waving his hands at them.

“-Children laughing people passing meeting smile after smile And on every street corner you hear

Silver bells (silver bells) Silver bells (silver bells)”

Richie pulled Eddie closer.

Eddie almost pinched himself.

Both boys took to the dance as any boyfriends would. Laughing, spinning each other and pulling the other close. Eddie was in heaven.

Richie leaned his head down as Eddie came close again, smiling into the shorter boys hair.

“Hey Eds-?” Eddie looked up and their faces were now just inches apart. “I missed the moment last time....but this one’s just as good so...I wanna tell you, I have feelings for you. Like real ones.”

Eddie almost passed out. “You do?”

Richie loosened up on the boy and nodded. “I know it might be weird and I dragged you into this but holy fuck, I didn’t plan on this. I have feelings and I think I always have.”

Eddie jumped up and wrapped his arms around his neck and heard distant whistles again. So he just mumbled into Richie’s neck. “Me too. And I’m so happy you dragged me into this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The losers club was huddled into one small booth at the restaurant where Stan worked. They had just gotten the great news from Richie and Eddie. All that was left to hear was Stan. He came strolling out of the kitchen after his shift ended and slid into what space was left next to Mike.

He caught sight of Richie, who’s arm was around Eddie and he smirked the widest he’d ever had in his life.

“Wow. Seems like another case of I was right and you were wrong, huh Richie?” He crossed his arms. Richie shrugged. “I knew you liked Eddie. Before you even knew.” He stuffed some bread in his mouth as the rest of the losers laughed.

They spent the next twenty minutes having dinner together. Richie pulling Eddie close and the eyes of the ol’ timey paintings followed them all.

#i hope this is ok???#it's been 70 years since my last one #stephen king #Stephen kings IT #IT by stephen king #the losers club #my fanfiction #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #reddie fic #stan uris #bill denbrough #ben hanscom

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

Text

So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

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moonchildhcs · 5 years

Text

parkjin hcs

friends to lovers au

youve accumulated an interesting and lovely friend group over the years !!! from felix, your aussie meme supplier to persi, your chaotic fool !

but honestly? youre most grateful for your lovely (ahemboyahem)friend hyunjin !! bc honestly,,,

you two have been friends since diapers and have been together through thick and thin, from bad haircuts to weird crushes !

you guys binge watched random shows together, cried together, camped out for concerts together, and so much more !!

he always without fail, knows what to say or do to make you feel at least a bit better and to regain enough energy to get through your day no matter how bad its been going

hes always been a pillar of support, and even when you called him at 4am because you cant sleep and youre exhausted and sad he sings you back to sleep and talks you through whatevers got you buggin

and it means so very much to you because youve had the misfortune of meeting some nasty people in your life, and theyve come and gone but hyunjin has consistently been there for you ! a lovely friend and your #1 supporter

and the same applies to him ofc!!! when he cries because he doesnt know if he can pursue his dreams, when he stresses over examinations, when hes craving jack in the box at 2am youre right there with him (even if you might be tired oops)

and youre quite the romantic so sometimes you look at your friendship like There Is No Way Our Friendship Is Real ! but it IS and its marvelous !!!

but ,,, on the topic of you being quite the romantic,,, your heart gets the BIGGEST dokis when youre around him

like youre absolutely enamored with his passion, his dedication, his energy, just, everything about him has you head over heels !!

and it doesnt help that hes also just incredibly cute. but also he represents the duality of man and you just generally feel attacked on all fronts like he is Cute And Hot And TALENTED He Is The Whole Package

but like,, over your dead body youd let him know you have a massive crush on him

bc above all else hes been one of the few people consistently by your side and you dont know what you would do with yourself if you somehow messed it up? but little do you know hyunjins thinking the exact same thing

but anyways

you and the gang go camping !!! it is summer break so it is warm and nice and although there are bugs you also dont have to worry about a storm carrying off with your tents

however,,, a miscalculation has occurred bc persi was initially VERY against going camping so bang chan only brought ten tents but ultimately they came after much convincing from minhos end

so,,, someone is either going without a tent or two people are sharing

and there was a Lot of discourse going on about who would be sacrificing their sleep to share a sleeping bag (incredibly close and pretty intimate) or sacrificing their sleep to the elements

however, seungmin was like :^) how about the last people who are awake can decide if theyll share or if one of them goes without the sleeping bag ! and everyone agrees

but you,, stay silent,,, because you notoriously stay up super late

“sleep is for the weak”

ah how your ideologies bite you in the ass now

first the youngest kids start to knock out like jeongin and jisung and felix and seungmin

and then bang chan and woojin who stayed up all night before producing and practicing singing, respectively

and then changbin, who was just rlly tired

and then minho and persi, who passed out after an Intense game of uno

which left you and hyunjin and youre internally freaking out bc even if you Insisted on sleeping ad facing the elements hyunjin is stubbornly nice and would make you take the sleeping bag

so you blurt out “do you want to just share the sleeping bag? its not much different to the sleepovers we had as kids”

and hyunjin looks calm and collected and goes “sure :^)” but internally hes SCREAMING in glee because hes exhausted but he Needed to stay up so it can play out the way he wanted it to which was : cuddle you

so you two separate to change into some pjs before slipping,, into the sleeping bag together

and it takes some shifting and adjusting but then !! hyunjin is big spoon and you are small spoon and you are so tense and awkward because HECKHECKHECK HES SO CLOSE

but then hyunjin kinda sleepily breathes against your neck

“relax”

and you just,,, turn into mush on the spot because thats so cute but incredibly attractive

and you two fall asleep, cuddling like that

and you wake up in the morning to bright lights and the sound,,, of people LAUGHING and you open your eyes to someones camera pointing directly at you

and as you wake up a bit more you realize,, that you and hyunjin shifted and you are lying down ON HIM, head tucked into his neck and his arms wrapped around your waist and you want to shriek

and then you feel hyunjin shift and you are MORTIFIED as he whispers a husky good morning and you zip zip that sleeping bag open, say a hushed good mornin before NYOOMING away from the hyunjin and your friends, currently crooning over the pictures of you and hyunjin cuddling on persi’s phone

you sneak into persis tent and change into some of their clothes because it Does Not Matter You Need To Yeet And Get Over The Embarassment

so you head down to the lake nearby and sit down on a log and just,,, repeat the scene of you looking up at hyunjin as youre laying on him, remembering the heat he radiated, the way he smelled, and youre like u//w//u but also :OOOO oh no youve got it bad

and you dont realize it but a few hours pass and everyone else is kinda like hm we might have made her mad lets give her some time to herself but hyunjin feels bad because what if youre upset at HIM poor baby

and so he goes down to the lake and he sits down next to you

“sorry if i made you uncomfortable. i know you said we should share the sleeping bag but i probably embarrassed you this morning”

and you,,, youre not only in love but also WHY IS HE BLAMING HIMSELF and you just,,, profess your love

and you just go on and on about how you really had a crush on him since you were tots and how hes just too nice and too sweet and his heart is too big for his chest and how he needs to look out for himself just as much as how he looks out for you but hes such a DUMMY for never realizing that youve had heart eyes for him this entire time

and youre just ranting about how uch you love him and you dont see the love in his eyes and so he shuts you up by giving you the sweetest kiss youve ever had in your LIFE

and hes like “i love you too angel :^)”

and you two walk back to camp, hand in hand, as persi SCREECHES and screams that theyll send you the photos that sparked this beautiful relationship

everyone is hollering but you and hyunjin just smile at each other, content

#parkjin

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scatterpatter · 6 years

Text

@ Basically everyone

This isn't a vague to anyone in particular- I made this because(especially over these past few weeks) I've seen TOO MANY people try to avoid talking to friends and loved ones and it causes way more drama than it should so here's my PSA to pretty much everyone on this site and everywhere else

TALK TO THEM

DONT MAKE A POST ABOUT THEM AND HOPE THEYLL SEE IT- DM THEM. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY DO AND DONT SEE AND ITS BAD TO TAKE THE MIDDLEMAN ROUTE WHEN YOU CAN TELL IT TO THEIR FACE.

DONT ASSUME THEY KNOW WHAT YOURE THINKING/FEELING- TELL THEM EXPLICITLY WHAT YOU THINK/FEEL AND TELL THEM HONESTLY. NO ONE'S FALLING FOR "It's ok i guess im fine" NO. THATLL JUST FRUSTRATE THEM. THEY CANT READ YOUR MIND.

DONT HOPE THAT THE PROBLEM WILL RESOLVE ITSELF- IT WILL NOT. IT WILL GET WORSE. GUARANTEED.

DONT WAIT FOR THEM TO APPROACH YOU- I CAN GUARANTEE THEYLL QUICKLY GET SICK OF REACHING OUT TO YOU IF YOU NEVER REACH OUT TO THEM- THIS ALSO LEADS TO SUPER IMBALANCED AND UNHEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS IF ONLY ONE SIDE PUTS IN THE EFFORT.

DONT PUT IT OFF- GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH. THE SOONER THE BETTER. LESS STRESS FOR BOTH/ALL OF YOU.

DONT GET SOMEONE ELSE TO SAY IT FOR YOU. IF THIS PERSON IS WORTH IT, YOU OWE IT TO THEM TO TALK TO THEM FACE TO FACE.

SAY IT TO THEIR FACE OR DONT SAY IT AT ALL. IF SOMEONE VAGUES ABOUT ME I WILL PURPOSELY IGNORE IT BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN BE MY FRIEND IF THATS HOW THEY "COMMUNICATE"(Note the quotes because vaguing is not a healthy way to communicate. At all. It's borderline toxic.)

SOME PROS TO COMMUNICATING

THEYLL TRUST YOU! HOLY SHIT! CRAZY RIGHT? IF YOU TALK ABOUT ISSUES THEYLL BE MORE LIKELY TO BELIEVE YOURE TELLING THE TRUTH AND COMMUNICATING WHAAAAT?

IF YOU HONESTLY SAY WHEN YOURE UPSET/MAD/ETC- THAT MEANS THEY KNOW THAT YOULL TELL THEM WHEN YOURE UPSET/MAD/ETC. IF YOU DONT ALWAYS SAY "im fine" WHEN YOURE NOT FINE, THEN THEYLL BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU LEGIT SAY "im fine!" BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOULL SAY OTHERWISE IF NOT.

COMMUNICATING PROBLEMS = WORKING ON PROBLEMS = SOLVING PROBLEMS = HEALTHIER FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS.

YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND/PARTNER ISNT SECRETLY MAD AT YOU OR KEEPING SECRETS FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEYLL COMMUNICATE WITH YOU IF THEY ARE.

COMMUNICATION IS LIKE BRINGING A LV 100 ARCEUS TO A FIGHT WITH A LV 5 PIKACHU. ITS THAT OVERPOWERED. YOUD BE SURPRISED HOW POWERFUL HEALTHY COMMUNICATION IS.

AGAIN! IF YOU! COMMUNICATE! YOU ACTUALLY! BUILD TRUST! WITH! YOUR FRIEND/PARTNER! AND TRUST! FEELS! REALLY! NICE!!!

SOME CONS TO COMMUNICATING

YOU GOTTA TALK ABOUT SOME UNCOMFY STUFF FROM TIME TO TIME. CONFRONTATION SUCKS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS MORE?

STRESSING ABOUT SAID CONFRONTATION AND JUST BOTTLING UP YOUR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF JUST FUCKING TALKING TO THEM.

SO IN CONCLUSION

JUST

FUCKING

TALK

THEM

This has been a PSA I hope you enjoy your weekend 💜

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thexiiithterra · 6 years

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Political Rant (love me or hate me, I don't care)

This is the first and LAST time I make a political post, too much bullshit comes with post like these and I don't need anymore shit in my life then i already have. So anyone that sends me hate messages, F*** off.

I'm a proud cross wearing Christian and registered Republican, but ONLY becuase I believe the government should be involved with it's peoples lifes as little as possible.my views though dont sound like a normal Republican. In fact im more in a middle camp that doesn't have a camp at all. I believe there's a God and Jesus died for me, and if I'm wrong then all well. NO ONE knows the truth about what happens after we die or not. I just live my life knowing someone out there is watching out for me, and if not all well.

My Political Views:

Healthcare - People should have it sure, but not from the government and it shouldn't be jacked up prices that a normal Joe cant afford to go to the hospital if he needs to. Healthcare should be tailored to the individual and not a blanket. Go to the hospital/doctor six times a year? You need "this" insurance. Havent gone to the doctor in six years? You need "that" insurance. And if a big company is charging jacked up prices, they need to be slapped in the back of the head and told "get your shit together!"

Immigration - Those who came to this country to escape the problems of their country should be properly legalized and allowed to work where they want. Families shouldn't be torn apart becuase the father and mother tried to escape a drug war and start over fresh. That is just cruel and inhumane. Those that are here purposefully committing crimes (drug smuggling, human trafficking, etc.), those are the ones that need to be rounded up and shipped back to be properly incarcerated.

Gay Marriage - LET THEM MARRY! It's not really effecting my life in one way or another, so why should it effect yours if you dont even know them? Kind of stupid to get upset with people you dont even know. Just let them get married and move on. And if a bakery refuses to make you a cake, say "whatever." And walk out, they're not the only cake shop in town. Theres no need to get upset over something that can be solved by just going down a block and finding another cake shop. Hateful people will keep being hateful people and will get what's coming to them in the end, so just move on and forget about it.

Veterans - We NEED to take care of them. They have seen stuff us civilians cant even imagine. And struggle with every day life whenever they come back, becuase no one but their brothers and sisters in arms understands. And without them, we couldn't go to our local Starbucks and spent whatever we spend on a frappacino gulaco crema verde, or whatever the fuck they serve, carefree and go lucky. Becuase they fight the silent wars we dont even know are going on every second of every day. Listen to "Wrong Side of Heaven" by Five Finger Death Punch and look for the official video. Maybe that will help with your understanding.

"Black lives matter," "Blue lives matter." - ALL LIVES MATTER, YOU ASSHATS! Get it through your f***ing heads. God d*** it! There are bad cops, dont get me wrong, but not ALL cops are bad. Jesus, that's like saying ALL teachers are pedophiles. When did we become so black and white? Doesn't grey exist somewhere in there? I mean come on. Cops should also understand that they cant always do what they've done before. The world is changing and the current climate is not very stable. They need to be able to adapt to every situation and conduct it differently. But Cops should also be equipped to handle every situation, ether theough training or more equipment, they need to be prepared. Plus we all make choices in life, and sometimes we regret those choices, especially when we realize that the choice we made was illinformed. Like the ICE agents, they joined becuase it had been painted a certain picture, but when they saw the truth they had to make a choice. Sometimes we make the choices based on our situations. Maybe that ICE agent is the only money maker in the family. Maybe he has 2 kids at home he has feed and ICE was the best job he could get. And then when they make a choice, people treat them like less then human by keeping them from their families and they already feel bad becuase they're having to do a job they dont like becuase it puts bread in the mouths of their family. Think how you would feel being kept from your husband, wife, son, daughter, whatever back at home becuase you had to make the choice to feed them. Quit thinking so d*** black and white and start thinking of how other people feel! D*** it!

Pay rate - it should very with every individual. A single mother of 2 trying to make ends meat? She should be paid more then a 16 year old kid who's only working part time and going to school during the weekdays. Everyone's situation should be considered when they're being told what they will be making.

School - it shouldn't be so expensive, BUT it shouldn't be free ether. In my opinion, there is no better feeling then working hard to earn your degree in whatever field you're working towards. You should EARN your degree with hard work, determination, and a go getter attitude.

Gun control - we need to make it harder for unstable people to get guns. Guns dont kill people. PEOPLE kill people. And theyll use a gun they can ether easily get there hands on (legally or illegally) or use something else to kill people with. A knife. A bomb (you can find F***ing tutorials on how to make them online for crying out loud!). Whatever they can get their hands on. As Jeff Goldblum once said "Life will, uh, find a way."

Taxes - if you can afford a private island with a jet to fly out to it, you can afford a higher tax percent then the widowed mother working 2 jobs to put her babies through college. Tax deductions should very depending on the individual situation. So shut the f*** up you 1%ers and deal with it.

Goverment Assistence - we should limit it as much as possible and not enable users to abuse it. There are people who never work becuase the goverment supplies them with everything. That pisses me off that I'm working day and night to keep a roof over.my head with two jobs, and the woman around the corner sits on her a** and doesn't take care of her kids gets a check every month with am amount that I couldn't even make with in a month! We have enabled people to be lazy and not do anything, we NEED to stop that. Other wise were going to become like the people in the floating chairs like in Wall-E.

I think that's everything. If you have a question about something, politely talk to me and if we cant come to an understanding then we can just say "good day," and go our separate ways. No hating, no yelling, and no bad mouthing the other person. I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe, and that may never change.

#politics #personal rant #sorry for the rant #goverment assistance #immigration #healthcare #democrats #Republicans #all lives matter

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get-the-treasure · 7 years

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school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a w f u l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left???

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol

#im going to put info here for future reference #day 1 #tardy: 0 #absent: 0 #late: 0 #im not counting kims class because i wasnt actually late k thanks

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temporalteatime · 7 years

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With...everything going on...I think I’ve started feeling a need to pull away from my mom, which is difficult for me to handle. I’d always thought me and her would be like her and her mom: close until the very end. I’d always thought she’d understand me better than most people, and that we could just...stay like we have.

but honestly some days i feel like i dont even know her anymore, and its starting to make me question whether i ever really did. shes been getting more and more fussy about things, over dramatizing reactions in response to me. she’s always been kinda snooty about some things. but now it feels like its getting more and more dramatic. more things are causing that kinda reaction from her.

-i bring my dirty dishes to the kitchen so i can wash them. she comes in, sees them, and puts her hand over her forehead and her mouth drops open like id told her something horrible had happened. like she was so offended. she knows i hoard dishes sometimes. this is not news to her, and totally didnt call for that kinda reaction.

-i tell her i started a load of dishes so i could hurry and get mine cleared out too so she wouldnt have to do it. she huffs and gets mad because i didnt put a pot in like she wanted (which i didnt even know she had wanted to do). Instead of one pot, i had been able to fit three more small bowls. I thought it was a better trade off to get more done sooner instead of waiting and having more small things cluttering up our sink.

-someone pulled over to the other side of the road to check their mailbox at night. they had their lights on (as one does at night, and while in a car). I make a small remark about how the lights hurt my eyes. she curses and calls them names and gives them mean looks as we pass. once we were past, i was fine, but she was still huffing.

-someone double parks at the bank. its annoying, but it happens. i just “whatever” at it. she says “its amazing how many morons theyll hand licenses to these days, aint it?”

-repeat above sentence in different forms at every possible slight she finds in someones driving skills in town.

-last year i cried when there was a massive upswing in hate crimes. i was so angry. when i told her why i was upset, she wouldnt speak to me for two days.

-a friend was pushing to get a part of the house cleaned up so she could use the back porch. mom didn’t want to and snapped at her, causing my friend to cry. i dont think she’s apologized yet. she left it to me to handle, which involved having to make excuses for her behavior and apologizing in her place.

it just feels like shes mad at everything all the time now, and im starting to wonder if she’s always been that way i just didnt notice it? like, showin your ass cause you can, just to be mean just...i dont like this. i dont like this spiteful angry person.

and like, when viv was here i told mom before viv arrived “she has asthma. you cant be smoking around her.” so what does she do? doesnt listen to me. does it anyway. any other time its been brought up in the past her reasoning was “its my house, ill do what i want.” but for some reason i thought with viv being here as OUR guest, not just mine, mom wanted her here too, mom would listen, just this once.

i feel like im getting that feeling around her again that i had several years back. even thinking of my mother would cause an anxiety attack. I stayed with my sister and her husband for months to get away from her, and even thinking of her then made my stomach hurt and my throat to close up.

i know i have emotional issues. i know i do. but like... i own up to it. i know i get mad at things. i know i cry easily. but like. i feel like with some of this stuff, i have every right to be angry. meanwhile she said “anything to keep that bitch out.” (referring to electiontimes)

i think im finally seeing that i can love her, but it doesnt mean i have to like her, per se. and thats what kills me. i dont know how to do that. i feel like im more an “all or nothing” type person, and i cant afford to do that to her.

and trying to talk about things in the past has just made her cry and get stupid drunk and bawl over how shes a horrible mother and i hate her just like everyone else, and shes useless and all this other stuff. my 21st birthday, i cried because she was talking about killing herself because her sister had died a month before. “Mom’s gone, (sister)’s gone. I may as well be gone too.” my fucking -dad- calling me on my birthday was the highlight of my night, which i think says a lot. i was so #done with her that hearing him talk and try to be happy for me made me cry happy tears (after crying bc of her). i fled to a friend’s house that night and cried there too, telling her about everything.

i just feel like its getting to that point again where its impossible to be around her.

#i have way too many emotional issues to be functioning properly and this is one of them

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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6 Gradations Every Person Must Take To Successfully Move On From A Breakup

We is in conformity with our freshman dormitory and hit it off almost immediately.

She was so goddamn beautiful.

She had long blonde hair that collapsed off her shoulders in waves, large-scale, beautiful eyes that accommodated a soft and caring expres and this smile that lit up whichever area we happened to be in together.

As striking as her physical grace was, that wasnt what constructed her special to me.

I was addicted to her personality.

She has this acces with the world.

I cant truly explain it, but shes improbably magnetic.

People like being around her, and I required( involved) her to be mine.

Ill hop-skip the gory items, but we started dating mid-freshman year.

It was fireworks from the start.

Those fireworks popped and sparkled in my president every day for the next two years while I was around her.

She was magical.

Slowly, though, I think we both began to realize the fireworks had been blinding us from the underlying problems of our personalities.

We didnt communicate well, and we brushed bigger editions under the table.

Those big concerns evidenced themselves into insecurities within the relationship, and they turned into inessential contentions “thats been” easily avoidable.

I abruptly realized it had reached the point of no return.

Neither of us was happy.

There was a different gleam in her eyes.

The once soft and relentlessly caring seeings appeared more guarded and cold.

Im sure she saw the same event when she seemed back at me.

I cant speak for her, but I stopped cherishing her.

Long story short, we intent things.

In the months that followed, I fell down to incredibly dark places.

The world seemed a little less beautiful.

I was going through the healing process, and I ended I needed to take the time to look inward and start moving concepts happen for myself.

Here are five theatres of keep moving and making become that I went through.

I hope they can help someone else fight with sorrow TAGEND

1. Mourn.

The firstly nave notion I had after the breakup was I wasnt is expected to be upset.

Some machismo propaganda that had been tossed my road seemed to spread the relevant recommendations through my conscious that I was okay.

I didnt need her, and there was nothing to be sad about.

The world moves on.

Boy, was I wrong.

The more I stifled the fact that I missed her and that I was pathetic about the end of things, the worse it got.

It would come out when I booze and when I was alone, even if I was consciously trying to stop it.

Heartbreak is like ending a drug addiction, and you’re in the retirement stage.

My advice is to let yourself mourn the loss.

Be sad.

Dont let the passions build up to a hazardous point.

Think of curbing spirits like including air to a balloon thats already been inflated.

Eventually, its bound to pop.

Listen to some psychological music and be overdramatic about it.

The more you let your ardours come to the forefront, the more you will learn about yourself.

Oh, and cut off all contact with her.

You may think you can be friends, but you cant.

There is too much emotional baggage.

2. Recline on your support system.

Im going to be blunt here: No one actually demonstrates a f* ck about your heartbreak.

Really, its not a malicious thing.

People will be empathetic and empathize with you, but they dont truly care since they are dont genuinely understand.

They may understand the sorenes from a previous anguish of their own, but every tie-in is so unique in and of itself that the healing battle should be self-directed.

However , now is the time to truly figure out the people you can trust to lean on for this sort of stuff.

First, lean on your family.

They have been there for you as long as youve been alive, and they have a lot of knowledge with passion that they are willing to talk about.

I grew so much closer to my family in my mourning process because I was truly dedicated to fostering such relationships in my life that werent with her.

I found out a lot about my family and a lot about who my true-life acquaintances are.

They are all damn good people, and they had my back each step of the way.

Exercise with your best friend and family.

Go out to eat, get drunk with them and talk to them when you feel like you need to.

They may not truly understand, but theyll listen.

That makes all the difference.

3. Identify problem areas and focus inward.

Were you a greedy motherfucker during your relationship?

Were you insecure and jealous? Did you put yourself before her?

Whatever it is, illustration it out and work on improving it.

This is your time to fix the things about yourself that you arent proud of.

Start improving them.

Before you work on giving your nerve to someone else, focus inward.

The first step to solving a problem is identifying and admitting the fact you have one.

4. Take care of yourself.

Exercise, and sweat the negative sentiments out.

Set a fitness objective( a exalted one) and affected the gym, champ.

The iron and asphalt will be your brand-new lover for the time being.

Bedetermined to not f* ck this relationship up.

It is not simply will help you feel better( trust me ), but youll also have tangible results to depict for the progress of your recovery.

Youll take a look back at your initial exalted point and be appalled at how close you are to achieving it( if you haven’t already ).

5. Have fun.

Just because youre sad, that doesnt aim the whole world has disappeared( although it may seem like it has ).

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout my process is while youre in your chamber love bad for yourself, “the worlds” remains on passing out there.

So mourn, but dont mope.

Explore. Eat good meat. Drink good beer.

Listen to good music. Get to concerts. Take a cook class.

Be a productive and contributing member in the world.

This is the time to reinvent yourself into whoever you want to be.

Make that reinvention awesome.

6. Make go.

Anger seems to be an automatic reaction to a breakup.

I think its natural to be angry at your ex in one way or another, but dont stay angry.

One of the most difficult steps of moving on is looking back at such relationships through a positive lens.

Dont regarded the breakup against her.

Remember the good times, and take the bad times as lessons.

You two undoubtedly had great times together.

They are eternally embedded in your identity, so remember how she taught you to love.

Its going to be tough to see her in the world without you by her side.

Youll certainly see it when she picks herself up and gets back out into the dating world.

Embrace it.

She deserves to be happy as much as you do, and facing her brand-new affair with acrimony will exclusively make it harder for you.

Let someone else love her the mode you couldnt.

Let her run. Give her live her brand-new life without you.

If “youve been” desired her at all, you owe her this. Maybe your courses will span again one day, but dont count on that thought.

For now, she is out of your life.

Dont make it harder on her or yourself by chaining yourself to the believed to be get her back.

She’ll respect you for that, and she’ll income the kindnes when you lastly stop listening to Death Cab For Cutie and start dating again.

There is no reason to flush with hatred when you think of her.

She accompanied some amazing ages into your life, so appreciate them and respect that you two “il be going” your separate ways.

One somewhat cloudy sphere of this process is reading how to not cover her in a perfect light.

Remember the relationship ended for a rationale, and both parties are to blame.

Well, there you have it. These are not all-encompassing.

Butlike I said, every situation is different.

Hopefully, these terms can help person out there.

It will injure, but its a part of life.

You eventually turn into a better being after you expend some time understanding of yourself.

You become more empathetic to peoples inner combats because you know how hard you are fighting your own.

( Oh, and try not to have sex with her. That certainly screws everything up .)

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

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Why do all the americans who come to japan think everything americans do is stupid and romantisize the wag japanese do it??

Horse laugh??? This texan girl really just agreed and called her laugh stupid looking because some fucking japanese girl who values looking docile over letting herself laugh wrote an article making fun of americans laughing

Ugh

How about this. Why do japanese girls cling to their boyfriends like their a dog whos gonna run into traffic if they let go?! If your boys gonna cheat on you, clenching him and glaring at every girl around you isnt gonna stop him.

Why are japanese ok with their school systems not teaching them their full history or about the world. America used to do that and we decided as a population that wed like to know stuff and have been fighting to get more information into our textbooks for decades. Japanese are happy to be brainwashed

Why dont japanese speak their mind and then get upset when they get stressed out over the people around them not being mind readers

Why do japanese bosses give their employees so much work and then wonder why there stressed

Why dont japanese use all the futuristic technology they have. Why is cash still a fucking thing here

Why havent they put in functional road systems instead of keeping it a free for all until an accudent happens

Why dont japanese have actual news systems. Why didnt anyone know what was happening with the typhoon till a day in advance and then only through emergency alerts. In the states we know about hurricans for weeks in advance and the authorities tell high risk places to evacuate days in advance

Why do japanese prefer looking busy over actually getting their work done in advance? Why do they like rushing around and throwing stuff together at the last minute?

Do people in this country actually wanna talk to people or do they just wanna be talked TO?! Walk around any crowded area and you can find groups looking around like they desperately want to be talked to. Ive watched people talk to these people and then the ones whod been onlooking acting so happy - only to cut the conversation short and run away to wait for someone else to talk to them. Or ive watched/experienced them come do the talking and still fucking run away at the end or at least ghost. And ive read all they do is ghost. So what the fuck?

On that note why do japanese push and carry personal conversations along even when they dont wanna talk. Going off that last one ive gotten tired of being ghosted by freaking girls who approach me and have stopped trying. But theyll still try so damn hard to befriend you. Why? And my coworker at school. Try so hard to make you like them - but once you do they never wanna speak again. WHY?!? I had a girl pull me around a club once talking my ear off, she followed me on instagram but never even let me follow her back

Why do japanese men run people down?? And why do they glare at people walking on the wrong side WHILE WALKING ON THE WRONG SIDE?!? Old people too. Why old people always on the wrong damn side - no so sure they but they turn their entire body to watch you go by just to make sure you know theyre watching you.

Like whatever. Asshole old people. Theyre the same globally i think.

But fuck these middle aged japanese men using all the strength in their body to plow people down as they walk. And push througj crowds. Oh was that your foot? Dont care. Im more important.

I already complained about the damn face masks. No one uses them when theyte coughing and hacking all over a crowd - pretty sure theyre just for people to hide their face at this point.

Put. On. Deoderant. Idc how many articles say japanese dont have bad smelling bo - theyre wrong. They do just like every other human.

Um. I guess homophobia is still rampent here? I didnt think so with how all celebrities cross dress at some point in their career but i saw the harajuku ojiisan and walking he parted the overly crowded takeshita street like moses in the red sea. People acted like he was a plague. Not to mention the comments i heard while at school about boys in dresses in general.

I watched one of my teachers limp around for the past three weeks.... and another with a hurt back for a week... they both just have pain killers - meaning the first ones problem shouldnt be so bad that hes limping for 3 weeks+ and he shouldnt be in so much pain. Either the doctor missed something which they shouldnt?! They take xrays? You only get 4 days of medicine before having to return? So the doc should really see that its more serious????? Also. Why is he in pain before his painkiller wears off. Why is japanese medicine SO WEAK?? and why are they still taking guesses at problems when they force xrays for things as simple as a cough

K ive fallen prey to this one cause the clothes are just really cute... but but but lol how come the same clothes are sold in like every store - meaning everyones wearing a slightly different variation of the same clothes. At least young people. Talk about a fashion in fashion out city.

This one isnt at japan for japans sake but. America. Ameica why. Why did i grow up in school for 12 years being told that my school system not only sucks - but that it was easy and we were little bitches for complaining and being stressed out. Laughed at and taunted being told that japanese schools were so far ahead of us. So much smarter. They go to school 6 days a week! Those hardworking japanese!

At least in the school i worked in

1) they dont get hw. American teachers were always all “you need two hours of he a night” but like... 7 teachers said and beleived that

2) they dont have to pay attention. Teachers ignore them not doing work in class - in America that can gets you kicked out of clas

3) they can clown around and disrupt class. In america - to the principals office

4) they have SO MANY EVENTS. Theyre like never in class. We could count our events in america - they were far and few between snd our teachers raged about the missed time and made us learn the shit we missed at home on our own time.

5) they move through material slow. Its fine and all but damn america - making us feel stupid for years when we had new material introduced every week at least and have legit tests every other week

6) they get answer keys to their study books... imagine. Having. An answer. Key??? Before college?? Like🤯 no thats just for the teachers.

7) idk what they do in japanese class but my teacher told me our method of reading a book, analyzing it, and writing a paper for english - is their college level japanese. We start that in elementaryyy schooll - as book reports - in addition to our grammar studies.

8) they come to school on saturday to play sports and then go to some cram school their parent pays for which i cant imagine is too different from what they do at school.

Okok school is stressful and annoying everywhere. And i dont think id be so salty having watched that IFF my school was legit called stupid on a weekly basis while being compared to japanese schools

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