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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years

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Hey! Ive been feeling a bit in the muds so could you do like and old type of fanfic...like a mob!tom on a retro phone just sweet talking the reader?

Only if your requests are open tho. I dont wanna be a burden

Aw baby you could never EVER be a burdon. Dont ever be shy to talk to me because im always here babe.

T.H| What a Sweetheart

Summary: 👺👺👺

Warnings: ah just some fluff- i went overboard i hope your okay with that-

A/n: I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER- HERE ILL POST A WEIRD VIDEO FOR YOU

There you sat. The baby pink everywhere as you laid on your stomach rocking your feet and reading a book, sucking on your lolipop

Ring Ring, Ring Ring

A smile and a giggle brought to your lips, sitting up and crawling to the old pink retro phone you answered, curling the wire around your fingers with the other hand holding the pop.

“Hey babyface” “hi tommy” he also laid there, in the darkness as he starred at the empty wall, shirtless and pantless, just in his boxers and in his socks rubbing his stomach and wanting to listen to your voice.

“I missed you” you laughed at his words “i missed ya to tommy” “i miss your voice...that pretty face of yours” “well i cant come see you, daddy stays at home now and he needs my help” “i dont need your help princess” you giggled at his joke “not youuuu, my real daddy”

“Mhmm princess, well what are you wearing?” You looked down at yourself then squealed “well i just got this fuzzy pink robe! Its so cute!” He chuckles and shifted in his spot. “Are you tired dollface?” Your lips go to the side for a moment, thinking before speaking.

“Kind of” “well, can i talk you to sleep” he desperately asked, biting his lip waiting for an answer. “Yeah let me go turn off the lights” you muttered, putting the phone down before getting up and walking to your door to switch the light off.

When you came back to your large bed you cleaned everything up and tom waited patiently, humming some songs to himself before you came back.

“Alright, what dya’ got for me” you asked, laying down on your side and holding onto the phone. “I just wanted to praise you bunny. Tell you how beautiful you are and how much i love you. How you speak and walk....your just everything for me ya know?”

“Really?” You said, your voice shrinking. “Of course baby, you deserve the whole wide world, do you know that? I feel like you should just sit on a cloud because your too good for this earth”

You sighed “thank you, but whats going on with you?” He bit his lip before answering, sitting up against the headboard “uhm, this job has been so stressful lately, i havent seen my family at all. I havent seen you- i just feel alone...”

“Oh...well i can ask my daddy to drop me off” you suggested. “No you dont have to, i only wanted to hear that sweet sweet voice” he chuckled, his head hanging low as he thought about what to buy you next.

“Im still listening!” You perked up making him laugh “i know you are princess, just lay down yeah? All ears for me?” “Got it tommy” “you ready?” “Mhm”

“I wanna buy you everything and more because your such a good girl for me, i wanna pleasure you in any and every way possible because you deserve it” “really? Give me some examples” “i dont know....rub your feet?” You both shared a small laugh “i know youve been wanting that fox fur coat..”

“I would fucking kill for that coat” “your daddy hasnt bought it for you yet?” He asked, a smirk on his face. “No, i havent asked at all” “whys that baby girl?”

You sighed before answering “because hes been so hard on me...hes getting old and-“ “you dont have to finish baby i know, i just wish we could all get together and be happy” “why cant we?” You asked rather innocently.

“Well...your daddy doesnt like my dad, and my dad doesnt like yours so we just continue to clash and fued” he wiped his eye. “Thats no fun, maybe i can talk to him” “what are you gonna say? That we are in love together and we wanna get married?” He sarcastically chuckled and your eyebrows furrowed.

“Well do you?” You asked. “Yeah doll...i do. Why dont we just run away and kill everyone in our path”

He didnt know why he was suggesting it. He in one of the biggest mobs and hes held responsible as one of the main people in the family, aside from you and yours. He really isnt the one for violence but he just wants at least a break of peace.

“Daddy wouldn’t like that” you shook your head. “I know, i just really miss you pretty girl” “i miss you to tom- thats why i wanna see you-“ “no itll just put you in danger! Stay home y/n” “what if i dont want to!”

“Then you cant come here. Im sorry!” “I dont care, bye-“ “wait-“ before he could finish you hung up the phone, dropping it back on its place before getting up and putting on your slippers and walking to the kitchen, finding your father eating.

“Daddy no carbs!” “Honey its 9 o’clock, give me a break” he glared at you, eating the piece of buttered bread. “Well i have a questionnnn” you distanced off, the slippers making a noise while you walked to the counter where your father was at. “Hm?” He groaned looking at you. “Dont get mad at me! Promise!” You said, holding up your hand and tilting your head at him.

“Spit it out y/n” “okay okay- can you pretty please talk to the hollands-“ he choked on the piece of bread “daddy!” You run up to him, aggressively patting his back. “Okay okay- im done! But you said what?” He looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

“The....hollands” you muttered looking away from him. “We have been against each othet for generations! And what makes you want to speak and collaborate with them” “daddy...theres this-“ “oh fuck off! Please dont tell me-“ you only nodded. “A white man?” “Daddy!” “What? Im being honest!”

“Whens the next meeting!” You asked. “In a week”

This is your first time ever coming to one of the meetings, and you were afraid. Your mob color is a dark brown so you wore it...daddy refused to let you wear anything too revealing because these men are dirty.

“Cover yourself!” “What are you talking about!” “Y/n.” “Finnneeee!” You stomped back to your room and your dad gifted you a tuxedo, so you wore it...

“Seeeeee you look great! Your grandfather would be so proud of you” news flash. All the women in the family ran away or whatever, they didnt know what they were getting their sleves into.

“Can we just leave”

Clank clank clank clank

You walked behind your dad and his close partners followed behind you, protecting you from toms family.

“You do not speak. You hear me y/n. Just sit down and listen” “yeah” you were nervous, ver nervous. So when you stepped in and seen absolutely no women at the tables you panicked. But when you made eye contact with tom you almost shit yourself.

He eyed you from afar, wondering why you were here. Why are you putting yourself in danger.

As everyone talked you sat there bored until someone made a comment about you. “Why is she here? Shes a beaut” he snickers, others laughing to.

Your dad stood “talk about my daughter again and i will kill you, understood?” He snapped, shrinking the man down to size. “Honey get out of here” he smiled at you and you stood, one of his friends pat coming with you outside.

“Why did you come here?” He asked, offering a cigarette but you declined. “I just wanted to see what its like” “no dont lie to me dollface, i know you were eyeing that boy” you side eyed him before groaning “is it obvious!” He laughed and took out his lighter.

“Very” “i dont like him” “well he likes you” he took a puff and put the lighter back in his front pocket. “How can you tell” you leaned up against the wall and crossed your arms. “He was only looking at you” he smiled, you smacked your lips. “You have em wrapped on your finger, you should take advantage of that”

“Well i dont wanna hurt people like you!” You whisper yelled. “Its business baby, has been for years” he shrugged. “Well maybe i can change it” “eh, it’s possible” he shrugged “but it aint easy”

You both heard the door get pushed open aggressively and turned around, seeing tom walking up to you. “Woah woah woah, slow your roll” pat said, stepping infront of you. “Can i just talk to her- give me like 20 minutes” “why should i do that” pat dropped the cigarette and stepped on it.

“Because i want to talk to her- if i dont make it back it twenty minutes i swear ill give you everything i have” “i dont want anything, y/n do you wanna go” pat looked back at you. You harshly swallowed before nodding your head, pat stepped aside and tom smiled, pulling your hand and tugging you to run with him.

“Baby” he said out of breath, both of you ran to the trunk of his car. “Y-yes tommy?” “I got you a gift” “what is it!” You perked up and he giggled “something youll never forget” he pulled out his key and opened the trunk, a large gift box with a pink bow on it. “Do you love me y/n?” He asked, looking at you.

“Yeah...i really do” you smiled and bit your lip nodding. “Open it” he muttered, you nervously took the bow out, slowly opening the top of the box “tommy i dont know...” “dont be scared! Open it!!” He edged you on.

Suddenly it started to sprinkle, soon turning into some heavy rain. “Y/n hurry up before you get a cold!” He said sternly and you did, a gasp left your lips as you raised the coat. “You bought it for me” you whispered and he nodded, he took the coat to put it on you, when you were finished your pressed your lips on his roughly, his hands hooking behind your knees to lift you up and put yout legs around his hips.

“I. Love. You. So. Much” you said between kisses. “I know princess, just know id kill for you if i had to” “i would too tommy, i would too” he smiled and pressed his forehead against yours, the rain coming down making your hair frizzy but he could care less, he loved you. “I wish we could be like this forever” you whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “We can baby, I promise” “how tommy?” You rubbed your nose against his “running away” “tommy i cant, you know this-“ “but arent you tired doll, it would just be me and you” he muttered, pinching your legs some.

You bit your lip before pressing a kiss on his lips. “Okay” “really?!” He smiled “yeah yeah lets go!” He carefully dropped you and slammed the trunk closed, he unlocked the car and you both hopped in, on the road you both go.

“I dont have any clothes!” “I can buy you everything you want and more princess, dont worry. Andddd letters. You always write your father some letters pretty girl” he smiled at you.

“Love you” “love you too”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland blurb #mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom

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afterhoursfic · 4 years

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[1/2] [noncon ~21 yr old jask] jasksier walking down the street, he's been disowned by his rich family, makes lives in a shady part of town with the money he makes at a barmaid (what the fuck is that word in modern english i legit dont remember ive read so much fic😂) Geralt works in the mafia under Vesemir, he's his second-hand man, and sees Jaskier walking alone at night, humming something under his breath. Loves his carefree innocence and wants to /ruin it/. omg i love the guns kink so much😂

2/2Pullshim into an alley, cigarette in his mouth, presses gun to small of Jaskier's back "stay still or ill shoot you." Rips his clothes off, fucks him however you'd like (i imagine hard, rough, and not too painless), and then shoves a gun inside him (which is probably equally painful, if not more), just for funsies, doesnt care that his cum's gonna fuck with his gun's upkeep. "Is that loaded?" "Keep talking and youll find out" afterwards, geralt lets him go and jask asks "was it loaded" "yes."

Warning: non con, gun kink

Hope you like it, and no worries barman/barmaid or barista I believe is the modern term anyway so you’re good XD

It was bordering 2 am and he was very quickly losing interest in whatever deal he was supposed to be making with the fucker now 20 minutes late,. He had only stayed out so long so he could watch as the main street filtered out with people in various drunken stages, from the poor sods acting as chaperones to the ones who couldn't keep their liquor down and threw it all up on the pavement, it was interesting in its own weird way watching as other people went about their lives none the wiser as to the sort of dealings that went on in the dark.

With that thought, he deemed the meeting important enough to wait until he finished his cigarette, after that he would go home, get pleasantly buzzed on whiskey and maybe even hire some company for the evening and let Vesemir deal with the fallout tomorrow. Not that he expected a bollocking, he was punctual as always and if their clients weren't of a similar mind then it wasn't worth the business.

Eyes still watching the dwindling nightlife he caught sight of a boy leaving one of the clubs, a boy being what he was for he could barely be legal, and his eyes caught on the embroidered shirt he wore and the dark denim jeans that looked as if they'd been tailored to accentuate his ass. It was clear the boy came from money and he briefly wondered whether there may be a job in trying to blackmail the boy's parents, he half expected a car to come and pick him up given the late hour but instead, the boy wrapped his arms around himself before he ventured away from the road and down an alley he knew to be a shortcut into dingier part of town, the part where most people didn't bother to hide most of their dealings, and curiosity piqued, he followed.

He kept his distance for a while, his ears barely catching the tune the boy was whistling as he kicked a rock when he walked, the cliche sign of someone down on their luck if he'd ever seen it. It was apparent the boy had been through some sort of hardship, his clothes were tailored, his hair artfully styled and even 10 paces back he could smell the expensive cologne he was wearing, and yet the boy was out long after dark when mummy and daddy would worry after their protege and he was heading towards trouble in this neighborhood. He had been through hardship, yes, but there was an innocence to him from the way he kicked at the rock like a child to how he hummed a familiar tune and he found that he wanted.

Wanted to ruin the kids' boyish innocence and leave him broken and ravaged on the roadside and so, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, he pulled the gun from his waistband and picked up his pace until he was able to reach forward with his free hand and grab his hair to pull him deeper into the alley whilst he lifted the gun to press against his temple as he leaned forward to whisper in the boy's ear "Don't scream, I'd hate to ruin that pretty face of yours"

Shoving the boy into the nearest wall he kicked his legs apart to make space for himself before pushing up behind him so there was nowhere for him to go, he pressed against the boys back and forced him harshly into the wall before he slowly ground his growing erection to press against the boys' ass, taking far too much enjoyment from the small whimper he heard from the boy before he tried to turn his head to face him.

"Just take my money, I don't-"

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to go out after dark little bird"

"Please, just let-"

"I don't think you're in any place to be making demands" Gun still fixed to the boys' temple he began pawing at the front of his shirt to try and loosen the buttons but after it took far too long to undo just the first one he grabbed at the almost silk like material and using his teeth to help get a grip on the material, managed to rip it off the boy's chest before he leaned forward to kiss and nip his teeth at his throat, feeling his dick twitch as he heard the boy panting in small uneven breaths as he bit his bottom lip as if trying to keep back the noises he wanted to make.

Shirt gone, he let his free hand trail across his chest to tug harshly at a nipple, pulling and pinching it between his fingers until the boy let out a pained cry which only caused him to shove the barrel of his gun under the boy's chin with the whispered command to be quiet, earning another whimper, before he moved to the other nipple to give it the same treatment.

Once the boy's nipples were red and hard under his hand he pulled away just far enough to tug at the waistband of his jeans to pull them along with his underwear down to his ankles, effectively trapping his legs before once again moving to stand between them, forcing the boy to press against the cold, brick wall as his still clothed dick now strained at the denim to press in the crease of the boys bare ass.

When he brought two fingers up to the boy's mouth, at first he resisted, the boy's mouth remaining firmly closed even as he tried to force it open, a feat much harder one handed so instead he moved those fingers to rub against the boy's hole, dry, pressing one of them in just barely but enough that he felt the boy clench tightly against the intrusion, soft pleas to stop falling from his lips.

"I'm fucking you one way or the other, depends how easy you want to make it on yourself" With that, he pulled his fingers away from the boy's hole and back in front of his mouth "Last chance"

He couldn't help but growl into the boy's neck as he felt a wet tongue begin to lick at the tips of his fingers, only he didn't have time to wait for the boy to kitten lick his fingers, hell he didn't want to wait so instead just shoved them straight down the boy's throat, letting out a small moan as he felt the boy gag around them and try to get any control back. He didn't let him, he just fucked his fingers into his mouth three, four, five times before pulling them out before he crouched down behind the boy, and using the gun, moved one of his ass cheeks to the side so that he could get a view of his hole before spitting on it, chuckling as he heard the boy moan and watched his hole clench and unclench at the warm spit before he stood back up and unceremoniously pushed the first finger in, he wasn't a brute after all.

As he began fucking the boy with one finger, quickly making it two, he trailed the barrel of his gun along the boy's stomach, side, across his neck, chuckling as he felt his muscles clench and small shivers pass through him whilst he began to suck a series of dark hickies onto the boy's neck.

Just as soon as he'd started, he was pulling his fingers out and in a quick movement had his dick out and slicked with spit before the tip was pressed against the boy's hole, taking far too much enjoyment at the way he felt it clench against him, already awaiting that tight heat as he began to push in, whatever protest the boy may have tried to make died on his lips and instead became a pained cry which was quickly muffled by shoving his face into the wall, as he pushed even deeper, all but grinding his teeth to try and keep control, to drag it out as long as possible as the boy whimpered around his cock.

When he was fully seated in the boy he pulled back a little just to watch as he pulled about halfway out before quickly thrusting back in, letting out a growl at the pained whimper from the boy as he began to pick up his pace and really fuck into the boy.

He had been reduced to somewhat animalistic grunts as he fucked into the boy with fervor, made better by every cry and whimper and pained groan that seemed to come out of the boy every other thrust that made him just want to fuck harder, to get deeper until the boy was nothing more than a simpering mess around his cock.

It was on one thrust that had caused the boy to shout that had him stop, pressing him close to the wall so he could breathe in his ear, gun teasing under his chin "Thought I told you to keep quiet"

"I'm sorry, I pro-" With the boy's mouth open he quickly shoved the tip of his gun past his lips, all but feeling the boys distress as his whole body clenched in fear, his hole now had a death grip on his cock as he carried on fucking into him causing him to groan as he tried to fuck even harder into him as he neared his release "Best be good little bird, wouldn't want to see you get hurt"

He could practically hear the scowl from the boy at that, he knew the irony of course, the promise not to hurt him with a gun in his mouth whilst he fucked his ass with no lube and little prep, he just didn't care and ignored whatever attempts the boy tried to make to get his mouth off the gun and instead forced it just a little bit deeper as his thrusts started to become uneven and desperate as he neared the edge of his release.

It was when he moved his thumb to take the safety off of the gun still in the boy's mouth, causing the boy to panic and try to squirm and thrash to get out of his hold that caused him to clench even tighter on his cock that he finally came with a long groan, letting the boy's movement milk as much come from his cock as he slowly rode out the aftershocks until they were standing there, the boy tense in his arms as he leisurely began to fuck the tip of his gun in his mouth just for something to do.

He ventured his free hand down to the boy's half hard dick and with a smirk on his face and a warning to keep quiet, he both pulled out of the boy's hole and took the gun out of his mouth.

"That thing isn't loaded is it?" He doesn't give an answer as with his free hand he pushed between the boy's shoulder blades to keep him fixed to the wall whilst he began to toy the edge of his gun at the boy's rim, feeling him tense up even more if that were possible "Is it loaded? Please don't, I don't want-"

"Keep talking and you'll find out" He then pushed the barrel past the boy's rim, just a bit thicker than his own dick, and into his hole, already slick with spit from the boy's mouth, but given the pained hiss and the small grunts with every little twist of the wrist, it was a lot to take. He angled the gun just a little as he began to thrust it a little deeper into the boy and it was when his breath hitched he knew he'd found the boys prostate and did his best to abuse it.

A part of him lamented the loss of his gun, already his come was starting to leak out the boy's hole even with the gun in him and he didn't want to think what inside the barrel would look like, but in his business guns were as easy to come by as candy so he didn't mourn too long as he watched the boy slowly get harder as he was fucked by his gun, unable to stop himself from burying his face into the boy's neck to hear every breathless pant and barely held moan.

"You like being fucked by my gun? Such a dirty bitch, you'll get off to anything that's fucking you" With that, he wrapped a hand around the boy's dick and stroked in time with the thrusts of his gun "Beg for me to let you come, tell me how good it is to get fucked by my gun little bird" When there was no answer he tightened his grip around the boys cock until he cried out in pain "I said beg" his voice was deeper, darker, one that brooked no argument and he smiled just a little into the boy's neck when he felt him relax just a little in defeat.

"Please, please let me come" The words were strained but his orders were followed at least so slowly he began to stroke the boys cock again "Your gun feels so good in me, I'm such a slut and your gun fills me so well" again the words are monotonous and only being said because the boy had to but it still does the job and he's sure that even then if he hadn't come already, those words would have done it.

Instead, he doubled down his efforts, stroking the boys cock furiously whilst rubbing the barrel of the gun on his prostate until the boy is shaking against him as he comes. It's only when he's stopped shaking that he pulls the gun out, wiping the edge of it against the boy's side as he leaned to whisper in his ear "To answer your question little bird"

He quickly pointed the gun deep into the alley and fired, laughing when he felt the boy jolt in his arms at the loud bang that left behind a deafening silence. Without wasting much more time he tucked his dick back into his pants and his gun back into his waistband before turning to the boy, still frozen where he was left against the wall, not even daring to breathe,

"You should be more careful out there little bird, next person may not be as nice as me" With that he gave a light smack to the boy's ass, and seemed to finally get him into motion and scramble to put what on what was left of his clothes, not bothering to spare him a glance as he pulled out and lit a cigarette before he turned back into the alley to head back towards the club.

#afterhours cw non con #afterhours cw gun kink

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mithranqueersmusings · 4 years

Text

Before This Dance Is Through V

Chapter: 5/16

Rating: M (Smut Warning)

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Despite what John had suggested, Ringo didn't go back to The Helter Skelter the following week; he'd considered it when John sent him yet another late night text but ultimately decided it wasn't the best idea. Spike had been playing on his mind daily and Ringo wasn't sure he was prepared to face him again. Instead he focused on his drumming and searched for a few more students to teach, which were fairly easy to find. Usually Ringo enjoyed his time off, he understood he was lucky that he didn't have to work a 9-5 job just to get by, but recently he wanted his fill his time up as much as possible, to distract himself.

One of his new students seemed incredibly interested in him, they'd spent an hour just chatting in his living room before they'd even moved over to the drum kit. Ringo wasn't too fussed, he was getting paid by the hour so wasting time was beneficial to him but he didn't want to give the guy the wrong impression. He was a little bit older and attractive enough but Ringo simply wasn't interested.

"Why didn't you just go for it?" John had asked him when they next met up.

"I dunno..." Ringo mumbled, but a part of him knew very well.

He'd given the guy another lesson since then and it became clear that the guy's interest in him wasn't going away any time soon. Ringo felt bad about the whole thing, wasn't he just doing exactly what Spike was doing to him? He tried to act as professional as possible the second time around in attempt to get the guy to back off, considering he hadn't heard from him since he was hoping it had worked. What was wrong with him? Was he really going to make himself suffer like this all because of one guy? And not just any guy, a stripper who had shown absolutely no interest in him at all. It was ridiculous, he kept telling himself, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he had to get over Spike, he would still think about him every day without fail. Trying to distract himself with clients had been working somewhat, but it had been difficult, especially when his best friend was John Lennon.

youre gonna love me

The text came through when Ringo was sat in a café getting some lunch. He'd finished with one of his younger students, a sweet girl who's parents had tried to convince her to try a more 'ladylike' instrument but she had promised only to give up the drums if she was awful; much to her delight, and Ringo's for being able to prove the stereotypical parents wrong, she was pretty good. Seeing her always put Ringo in a good mood, the parents mostly stayed away partly due to the noise but mostly due to disappointment, which meant they could joke around together. Ringo could tell she admired him and he welcomed it gladly, one of the best things about teaching was inspiring others, at least for him it was.

do i not already?

well yes but youre gonna love me EVEN more

what have you done

well i happened to stop by the club last night

oh god what did you do

wow is that how little you trust me

can you blame me

suppose not ANYWAY i got talking to paulie

surprise surprise

do you want the good news or not???

fine fine sorry

AS I WAS SAYING i was talking to paulie and he told me that your special little someone has an onlyfans account

first of all fuck you for calling him that second of all wtf is onlyfans

oh sorry i didnt realise you werent living in the 21st century

...... care to grace me with your knowledge?

basically its a website where you can post exclusive stuff for ONLY FANS to see its not a porn site or anything but its basically where people sell their nudes MEANING spike has an account so you can totally see loads of raunchy filthy perverted pics of him

but i have to pay?

well weve all gotta make a living

i can basically see him naked for free

but this way you wont get all freaked out and embarrassed well you will but nobody will know at least so do you want the link or not???

Ringo paused for a few moments, he was gripping his phone tightly in both of his hands as he unblinkingly looked at John's words. If his mind was going to decide to make him suffer by enabling his intense interest in Spike, he may as well get something out of it.

fine

where are your manners richard??

can i please have the link to the strippers nude photos please john please

alright calm down let me know if its worth while i might have a look

idk if im even gonna look at it paying for porn is a little dated

treat yourself ringo id offer to pay but im broke

if youre broke why were you at the strip club last night?

well SOMEONE had to go

they really didnt

im supporting my local economy

i dont think thats how that works

sure it is anyway here you go

Ringo stared at the link for a while, his eyes even began to blur, he didn't want to risk opening it in public even though he knew there was little chance of anyone seeing. He finished his lunch in a hurry and headed home quickly, only when he was in the privacy of his bedroom did he dare open it. First he had to make an account, when he saw the screen loading up asking for an email address and password he just turned his screen off and put the phone down. This was far too much effort for something he shouldn't really have been doing in the first place. But it only took a few minutes for him to pick the phone back up and begin signing up, he used an old email as it felt less seedy that way and he didn't want to risk his name cropping up anywhere for Spike to see. Now he could load up the link properly and take a proper look at Spike's profile.

Just looking at the small profile picture was enough to startle Ringo a little, the dark eyes looking into the camera with that unreadable glimmer behind them. He was shirtless in the picture, Ringo wondered why that didn't catch his attention first, with the frame cutting off just before it showed anything too explicit. The header was a photo taken from the club, showing him in tight, leather pants and tassels on his nipples which matched the whip he held in his hand. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He'd spent so much time and effort trying not to think about this man, attempting to keep him out of his mind as much as possible. Ringo knew that if he went through with this all that progress would be lost, he'd be giving in to whatever strange obsession he'd developed for Spike, one that no doubt wasn't going to lead to anything good.

Ringo kept staring at the screen as though it was going to tell him what he should do. Spike's profile had no description, which wasn't very surprising, and it dashed any hope Ringo had of discovering something new about him. Right before he was about to put his phone down again, it vibrated.

howd the wank go??

john i dont care how long weve been friends asking how my wank was will always be weird

youre right sorry so how did it go???

if you must know i havent had a wank i havent even paid for entry

now whos the one being inappropriate??

ha ha

why havent you???

feels weird

oh i see youll consume a bunch of unethical porn for free but god forbid you actually give sex workers any actual money

you are the last person who can lecture me about unethical porn

hey now watch yourself ringo if you dont get a subscription I WILL

go ahead

and ill tell you every day what sexy sexy pictures hes posting ill tell you EVERY SINGLE TIME i have a wank over them

every time? i dont think youve got enough data for that

im not joking

neither am i you wank A LOT

ringooooo just buy it i swear to god if its not worth it or you regret it or whatever ill give you the money back

on top of the money you already owe me?

have you always been such a capitalist

youre not doing a very good job of convincing me

fine spikes cock now are you convinced???

maybe

naked pictures of spike whenever and wherever you want them all for the low low price of 10 quid a month convinced??

fine fine if itll shut you up

im starting to think thats code for 'i really wanna do this but im too embarrassed to admit it'

i hate you

now that DEFINITELY code for 'john youre right' anyway theres no time to be telling me how right i am all the time youve got dick pics to look at even i wont stand in the way of a good wank so dont bother replying to me until youve paid for that subscription young man

im older than you

DONT BOTHER REPLYING

Ringo let out a sigh and rested his head against the bedroom wall from where he was laying on the bed. He opened up the link again and his thumb hovered over the subscription button, why couldn't he just do it? The money wasn't an issue, it could've cost half as much or be double the price and he'd still be debating it all the same. Somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, after all Spike hadn't told Ringo about it himself, but then again that didn't necessarily mean he didn't want Ringo to see it. After all it was like John said: everyone has to make a living somehow. Sometimes Ringo wished he could turn off that part of his brain that was so empathetic, so concerned about how everyone felt and what they were thinking. He knew that he wanted this, so why wasn't he allowing himself to have it? Ringo could see that he was being ridiculous, as he was with almost anything involving Spike, and after lying there for a while pondering and debating he decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean he got the subscription, tails that he didn't. He watched the coin spinning through the air after he flicked it upwards, then snatched it and slammed it down onto his forearm before slowly moving his hand away: it was tails. What a relief. Ringo chuckled to himself for being so foolish, settling down into his bed; it was still only around midday but he didn't have anywhere he needed to be.

So why didn't he feel relieved in the slightest?

This whole thing was getting tiring, the constant debate between what he believed he should do and what he wanted to do, and it seemed like it wasn't going to be ending anytime soon. Apparently he was in this for the long run, whatever that meant, but if he was going to turn down relatively attractive guys practically throwing themselves at him, he may as well go all the way. While he was putting in his credit card information, he stopped to think around three of four times, but once he'd finished and the images became accessible to him, his brain was barely able to conjure up a coherent sentence.

"Jesus..." Ringo breathed out as his eyes flicked across the plethora of pictures loading up on his screen.

There was a lot of them, and a lot of Spike was on display. Most of them were pictures taken at the club, either from a professional photographer in the audience or photos he'd taken himself in the mirrors backstage - Ringo could even see glimpses of Paul in the background of some of them. The ones that caught Ringo's eyes the most were those that seemed to be taken in his house, these also happened to be the ones in which Spike tended to be fully naked. It was very different experience to see him like this: a static image that he'd intentionally taken of himself and posted for so many people to see, an image that couldn't look back at Ringo and make him feel that strange mixture of excitement and shame. He began scrolling down the feed which only revealed more and more enticing photos. Ringo began to feel himself hardening, he suspected it had been happening for a while now but he'd been far too distracted to notice. He felt like a teenager discovering porn for the first time, it was difficult to remind himself that this wasn't anything new. Seeing Spike naked shouldn't have excited him so much, and yet it did.

One picture in particular drew Ringo's attention: Spike was stood in front of a bathroom mirror with a loose black tie lying against his bare chest, one hand was holding a phone and the other gripping his cock. He had dark eye make up on and his hair was messy. Ringo wasn't sure exactly what it was about this photo that was so enticing but he couldn't take his eyes off it. The prominence of his collarbones, the faint curls of his dark hair, how his slim fingers wrapped around himself. Slowly Ringo slid his own hand under the waistband of his boxers as he stared at the picture. At first he hesitated, his fingers stopped right above the base. It's not like this would've been the first time he'd touched himself while thinking about Spike, it would've been far from the last he imagined, but this was different. It was more concrete, more of an admission. Nothing felt quite as real when it's only being imagined, the haziness of lust fuzzing up the mind as it so often did, but now with a very real photo of Spike in front of him - which he'd paid to see - the feeling was far more tangible, far harder to ignore.

He'd come this far, he told himself as his hand sunk lower until his fingers were running along the length of his semi-hard cock, he may as well go all the way. To begin with Ringo stayed looking at this single picture as he slowly pumped himself, but as his lust began to grow he perused through more and more pictures: Spike kneeling naked in front of a mirror with a loose cigarette hanging from his lips, lying in the bath with bubbles only just about covering his nakedness, spread out on the bed with a gag in his mouth, handcuffs forcing his slim arms behind his back with his cock throbbing. None of this was anything Ringo hadn't seen before, like most people in this day and age he'd searched through the darker corners of the internet - sometimes willingly, sometimes John was to blame - but to see Spike in such a way was like an entirely new rush. Each picture drove Ringo further and further on, at times he almost dropped his phone with how sloppy his movements were becoming. Who took these photos? Ringo figured it was best not to think about it, the possibility that Spike had a boyfriend who took all these pictures of him would've been the quickest way to kill his erection.

Ringo began moaning and cursing wantonly as he got closer and closer to his orgasm, he had to stop flicking through the pictures because he could hardly concentrate on what his other hand was doing, so he settled on a final one to help him finish; it wasn't particularly strategic but he was definitely grateful that he selected the one that he did. In it Spike was looking directly into the camera, allowing Ringo to gaze longingly into the rich brown of his eyes and how his dark lashes curled beautifully around them. He was shirtless with nothing but a necklace on, the same necklace that Ringo had seen him wearing in the record store and Ringo couldn't help feeling a sense of satisfaction that he'd seen it with his own eyes, as though it meant something. Deep down he knew that it didn't but his inebriated mind was latching onto it. The nudity in the photo was hardly interesting Ringo by this point, although it would be wrong to say that he completely ignored the flatness of his stomach or the faint shadows of his ribs beneath his pale skin, it was the personal aspect which truly affected him.

This wasn't just lust. Lust Ringo could understand, he could compartmentalise it and give into it without much shame or a second thought. If this was just lust, he would've bought the subscription without a care and touched himself looking at the nakedness of Spike's body as though it meant nothing more than a way to get off. Yet here he was on the brink of orgasm looking into another man's eyes, eyes that felt like they were looking straight back at him as though they were sharing this moment together. It wasn't hard to imagine Spike's hand in place of his own, those deep eyes watching Ringo come undone piece by piece. Ringo's hip began to stutter, his leg twitching a little as he had to drop the phone down onto his lap as his head fell back against his pillow as his orgasm approached. It wasn't the image of Spike's naked body that filled Ringo's mind as he came, it wasn't his arse or his cock or even his chest, it was his face, his voice, it was him.

Ringo lay breathless on his bed for a while, the clarity that arrived as his orgasm subsided wasn't welcome in the slightest and he was reluctant to pick his phone back up to see Spike's eyes looking at him once again. There was no use in feeling ashamed about it, no point in trying to deny it any longer: his feelings for Spike were more than a mere passing fancy, that was clear. Exactly what he was meant to do about these feelings was far from clear but that wasn't something Ringo could figure out right now with cum on his stomach and the daylight seeping through his bedroom curtains.

When he'd picked up his phone he'd closed all the apps immediately, doing his best not to catch a glimpse of what he'd been so eagerly looking at before. Just as he was about to step into the shower to clean himself off, his phone buzzed; he almost couldn't hear it over the music he was blasting out. It alerted him for a moment as though it was going to be a message from Spike stating he knew exactly what Ringo had just done - it wouldn't have really surprised him had that been the case, Spike's face almost always looked like he knew something that nobody else did - but fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it was John.

sooo how did the wank go

who knows but on a totally unrelated note im about to get into the shower

well before you do that i have even more good news

can it not wait?

NO because you might cum just at the thought of it and then youd be wasting a good shower

well arent you considerate and unnecessarily graphic

thats me anyway im taking you to the club next tuesday whether you like it or not

im still waiting for the good news

well if youd let me FINISH next week theyre doing a special event and we just have to go youll never guess what it is

what is it?

guess

you just said ill never guess

youre no fun

WHAT IS IT

alright alright keep your hair on its a crossdressing event high heels make up probably a few wigs all that good stuff

im still waiting for the good news

OH COME ON youre telling me you dont want to see spike in heels and fishnets with some lovely lipstick on

Ringo gulped. It wasn't a difficult image to conjure up his mind, considering he'd been staring at photos of Spike for the past twenty minutes and it excited him to say the least. He did want to see that, very much indeed.

#the beatles #beatles #beatles fanfic #the beatles fanfic #beatles fanfiction #george harrison/ringo starr #ringo starr/george harrison #ringo starrxgeorge harrison #george harrisonxringo starr #starrison

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sikereviewdotcom · 4 years

Text

wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood

tg, out

#wilfred #review #series review #wilfred review #wilfred 2011 #furry #sike reviews

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video-killed-the-radio-host · 5 years

Text

Heartbeats on the Airwaves chapter 5

As always, for @acealex-blueiguana

Cecil had to stay in the hospital for a week and a half, to make sure the wound healed properly and wasn’t infected. He slept a lot because the exhaustion of his job is finally catching up with his over worked body. Carlos spends a good chunk of his free time in Cecil’s room, making small talk, cuddling and exchanging small kisses.

They shared dinner most nights, unless Carlos got called away. Carlos managed to sneak away and picked up Chinese. Now, Carlos sat cross legged and barefoot at the foot of Cecil’s bed, listening to Cecil go on about how much he hates his brother-in-law. Carlos smiles a little. This man was an absolute dork, but Carlos was completely smitten. He sets his chopsticks down in the container and then sets it aside, pulling Cecil’s feet into his lap, rubbing small counter-clockwise circles around the ankles. Which were quite boney.

“What are we going to do for our first date?” He asked randomly.

Cecil gives noise that was basically a purr and opens his eyes.

“Nothing to fancy. Because a good time isn’t based on how much money you spend.”

“I could cook for you.” Carlos suggests. “Since your birthday is next week.”

“How did you-oh god. Right there!” Cecil groans as Carlos presses his thumb into the arc of Cecil’s foot.

Carlos chuckles. “I read your chart. I also know you have a wheat allergy. And that your middle name is Gershwin.”

“Now hold on- “Cecil keens again, arching his back a little as Carlos begins to rub the lower part of Cecil’s left leg before switching to the right.

“Hm?”

“You know so much about me and I hardly know anything about you.”

“Well, my middle name is Fernando, my birthday May 20th and I’m allergic to cats. Which I assume you have because the first time we met you ran into me and then I was sneezing like crazy all day.”

Carlos smiles at the memory but Cecil’s face fell.

“Oh.”

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. I take Claritin. Because I can handle it and I would hate to stop seeing you, as we are now dating and all.”

“You’ll have to meet him sometime.”

“What if he hates me?”

“Then it’s not going to work out. I can’t date anyone my cat doesn’t trust.”

Carlos nods. “I can respect that. I hope I’ll make a good impression.”

“I’m sure he’ll love you as much as I do.” Cecil muses before his eyes go wide and one hand clapped over his mouth. “Shit. Sorry. I know it’s still way early and- “He kind of shrinks back a little.

Carlos reaches out, a tad concerned. “Cecil? Are you okay?” He asked softly.

Cecil nods quickly. “I’m alright. Just lost control of my mouth for a moment is all.”

Carlos reaches out and takes his hand, giving a careful and gentle squeeze.

“You meant it?”

Cecil looks up at him. “I do.”

“That’s good. Because I love you too.”

Cecil's mouth dropped open and he was stunned silent. Carlos chuckles again and shifts to his knees, leaning up to kiss Cecil’s lips. Cecil was speechless. Cecil “I talk for a living, so I don’t do shut up” Palmer was silent. It was a bit jarring.

“You’re adorable.” Carlos grins before sitting back down.

“You broke me.”

“I do apologize. But I am a doctor so I’m sure I can fix what I broke.”

“I do believe I’m entitled to compensation.” Cecil gives a small smile.

Carlos raises an eyebrow. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

Before Cecil could answer, Carlos kissed him once more and then kisses his forehead. “Are you wanting to do that interview?”

“I had completely forgotten about it.” Cecil admits. “But sure. Not like I have anything better to do at the moment.”

Carlos opens his mouth to retort but Cecil gives him a look and he shuts his mouth with a laugh.

“You need to behave Dr. Mendez.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about Mr. Palmer.”

“Mhm. Hand me my bag please?”

Carlos gets up and picks up the satchel that Dana had dropped off earlier. Its bag was covered in pins and patches ranging from pride to Star Trek. It was very Cecil. He hands it over and watches as Cecil opens it and digs through files and papers before pulling out a recorder.

“Here we are.” Cecil holds up the silver recorder triumphally.

“Anything else?” Carlos asked as he settles back down at the foot of the bed.

“Nope. Let’s begin.”

Cecil slipped into a professional personality easily, despite being in a hospital gown and hooked to multiple machines.

“I’m here with Mercy Eastern’s Chief of Surgery, Dr. Carlos Mendez. I’ve been told you have big news for the viewers?”

“I do.” Carlos smiles, seeming a bit nervous for some reason.

Cecil reaches over and takes his hand, giving a gentle squeeze.

“What is your news?”

“Originally the Crystal Storm Foundation was for teenage and single mothers to get help so they can get back on their feet, but as of February 13th, this Wednesday, we will be extending our reach to women who cannot conceive and working with surrogates to provide them with the family they cannot produce themselves. We believe everyone deserves a chance to be a family.” The words seemed to be pouring out now.

Cecil couldn’t help the smile that spreads across his lips. He loved how passionate Carlos seemed when talking about helping others. His eyes light up and hold a love for people.

“We also will be helping children in the system to find forever homes. Everyone should have someone to love them.”

Cecil nods a little, his eyes starting to sting a little. Carlos stopped talking and reaches out for his hand.

“Cecil? Is something wrong?”

“No. No. Nothing is wrong. It’s just…. you are so amazing. I’m so lucky to have met you. I- “He pauses, reaching over to turn off the recorder before continuing. “Carlos, words usually come easily to me. That’s why I do what I do.” He pauses and looks away, only to have Carlos reach over and take his hand.

“But?”

Cecil looks back over. “But you make me speechless. I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know why. I’ve dated before. But this is different. You are different.”

Carlos gazes at him for a moment. “I’m…. I’m amazing because you make me want to be amazing. You have this way of making people want to be better. You inspire me with your raw passion and loyalty to your work.”

Cecil was openly crying now, and Carlos panicked.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m sorry!”

Cecil gives a watery laugh. “You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“What about me?”

Cecil tugs on his hand. “Hold me. I’m tired.”

“Yes sir.” Carlos smiles a little and cleans off the bed before getting up.

-----.-----

The next week went by in a blur and before Carlos knew it, it was Cecil’s birthday. He wasn’t sure what to get as a gift but suddenly, he just knew. He ran out and bought the supplies before hurrying home and getting to work.

The day passed by fairly quickly and soon it was six o’clock. He slides the lasagna into the oven and moved to answer the door. Cecil stands on the other side, wearing what he wore on the news that night, with his hair pulled back into an elegant braid. His glasses slipped down his narrow nose a little and Carlos smiles fondly.

“Hey beautiful. Happy Birthday.” Carlos steps back after pressing a chaste kiss to Cecil’s lips. Cecil follows him to the kitchen.

“I wasn’t sure if you drank red or white, so I brought both.” Cecil says as he sits down the paper bag he was carrying.

“I’m not to picky. Which do you prefer?”

“My favorite is Arbor Mist, the raspberry one but where I went didn’t have any, so I got Pinot Grigio and Rosé.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’m sure we can make do.” Carlos leans against the counter with an easy smile.

“I have been told I’m pretty easy to satisfy.” Cecil comments.

Carlos raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Cecil’s eyes go wide, and his face, ears and neck flush a bright red as he struggles to answer. Carlos laughs.

“Yknow, you made that exact same face when we first met.”

“Please don’t bring that up. I have to deal with both Dana and Earl teasing me about it.” Cecil wines a little and buries his face in his hands.

Carlos crosses the kitchen pulls him close. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. You have a cute blush.”

“You are annoying. You know that?” Cecil says, his voice muffled where he tucked his head into the crook of Carlos’ neck.

“You love it.”

“Yeah.” Cecil presses a kiss to Carlos’ neck. “I do.”

Before Carlos could answer, his pager went off in the living room. He tightens his hold on Cecil with a groan. He wasn’t on call tonight!

“Do you need to go?” Cecil asked, pulling away a little.

“I can have someone else get it.”

“What if they need you?”

Carlos rubs a hand over his face. He knew Cecil was right, but he didn’t want to leave. Cecil takes his hand.

“Hey. It’s okay. Go.”

“But- “

“I’m used to spending my birthday alone. We can reschedule.”

The words made Carlos’ heart hurt.

“You have lives to save.”

Carlos nods. “I know.” He kisses the center of Cecil’s palm. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Be safe.”

“I will.” Carlos promises, turning the oven off and taking the pan out. “You can eat if you want. It’s wheat free.” He says, kissing him once more before moving into the bedroom to put his shoes on.

Carlos finally gets home around eleven to find Cecil asleep on the couch with Stark Trek: The Next Generation playing quietly in the background. Half a glass of Rosé sits on the coffee table but both the lasagna and the cake are untouched. Cecil’s purple glasses sat crooked on his face and his clothes were rumpled enough for Carlos to assume that he’d been asleep for at least an hour. Carlos quietly sits down the bottle of Arbor Mist-raspberry of course- on the coffee table and kneels down beside the couch. He had to go to three different stores to find it, but he didn’t mind. He brushes back Cecil’s bangs and kisses his forehead. Cecil stirs a little before snapping awake and jerking upright.

“No!” He gasped, making Carlos fall back.

“Cecil?” He asked.

Cecil looked around before his eyes landed on Carlos and him visibly relaxed. “Oh. Carlos. You’re back.” He smiles.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just a bad dream is all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight.” Cecil shudders. “What time is it?”

“Eleven ten.” Carlos picks himself up off of the floor. “I know it hasn’t been the best birthday, but we still have fifty minutes we can salvage.”

“Sorry I fell asleep. I wanted to wait up for you.”

“I don’t mind. It was a cute sight to come home to. I got you something.” Carlos says, handing over the bottle.

“Where did you find this?!? Everyone is sold out!”

“I just got lucky I guess.”

The truth was that he drove two towns over to find it, but Cecil didn’t need to know that.

“Thank you.”

“There’s one more thing.”

“Oh?”

“Wait here.” Carlos instructs, going to his room and getting the box and returning to the couch.

Cecil takes it with a curious expression and opens the box. Nestled in silver tissue paper is the vest that Carlos had ripped when Cecil had gotten shot. It was cleaned and repaired, with a red flannel heart sewn onto the left side, over his heart.

“One of the holes was to big to fix so I improvised with one of my own shirts.” Carlos admits, rubbing the back of his head.

Cecil looks at him, a gentle expression on his face. “I love it.”

Carlos kissed him once. “Happy Birthday Dearheart.”

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CECIL’S CAKE RECIPE!!!

Okay so I’m from the south and the best damn cake ever is called a hummingbird cake. It’s been in my family for literally forever. And now y’all have the recipe.

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3 large eggs, beaten

11/2 cups vegetable oil

vanilla extract(as much as you feel is right)

1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained

2 cups chopped bananas

1 cup chopped pecans

Shortening

Cream cheese frosting

1/2 cup chopped pecans

How to Make It

Step 1

Preheat oven to 350°. Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients in a large bowl; add eggs and oil, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in vanilla, pineapple, bananas, and 1 cup chopped toasted pecans. Spoon batter into 3 well-greased (with shortening) and floured 9-inch round cake pans.

Step 2

Bake at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes our clean. Cool cake layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely (about 1 hour).

Step 3

Place 1 cake layer on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup Cream Cheese Frosting over cake layer. Top with second layer, and spread 1 cup frosting over cake layer. Top with third cake layer, and spread top and sides of cake with remaining frosting and pecans.

I also like to mix coconut into the frosting

frosting is optional and the pineapple can be substituted with cherries

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #cecil palmer #wtnv carlos #wtnv cecil #carlos the scientist #cecilos #fanfiction #and cecilos content #au #fic wip #wip #hbotaw #fluff #bridge chapter

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atomicbark-blog · 5 years

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[Log] Manor Defenses

A Conversation about the Mansions Defences between Jay and Scratch ft @notasinglescratch

Jay

Jay had gone around the manor, checking over what she does daily and listing down on a piece of paper of what she believes would up the manors defenses. With every window, door, and floor (oh my) double checked she heads over to Doc's office. The order put vigor in her step and determination steeled her gaze, checking her list again she nods to her self, ears shoved forward in attention and tail curled husky-like along her back.

She rounds the corner to his office and pauses in the door frame, she hadn't sent him a message to see if she could come.. So she stands right there, not coming fully in and tilts her head slightly, "Hello, Sir. I've gone around and listed what I believe would help the manors defenses." Jay gently grips the paper in her hands.

Scratch

You've taken to leaving your door ajar recently. It tends to tell a lot about people, their reactions. Jay, as always, mild but determined, and a welcome sight after a dreary week.

"Come in, Jay. Let me see what you have."

You motion for her to sit and then hold your hand out, expectantly.

Jay

As he motions for her to sit, she does a small nod and finally steps into his office. She reaches over and hands him the list before sitting down and curling her tail around her waist so she can sit with her back against the chair.

"I keep the mansion pretty secure but I believe these would be able to help me with that, go from excellent to absolute."

She leans slightly forward, her elbows resting on her knees as she waits for his response to the list. The list reads: Locks for the inside of the windows, Motion detecting lights on the corners of the manor (I think these exist?), perhaps a camera system She interlaces her fingers an takes a slow calming breath.

Scratch

A quick glance over her list is all you need, short but concise, thats all right. You trust her instincts better than your eyes.

"Ill see you get what you need to make these improvements. Keep in mind any technology we add to the manor must be completely hidden from view." You take out a green pen and start making notes on her list.

"I trust youll be able to do that?"

Jay

"Yes sir, I understand that."

She tilts her head, glancing at the list as he writes, a bit surprised it's in a colour instead of the standard black. She notes that down in the back of her mind, right in the bucket of interesting but probably useless information.

She nods, "Yes sir, I'll be able to handle that just fine. I was figuring putting the cameras on the inside in the halls, accessing them from my phone. The lights will be outside, them turning on will catch my attention in an instant." Her tail flicks to curl around her waist the other way.

Scratch ...Cameras on the inside of the manor? An interesting concept. "Isnt it a bit too late if a camera tells you an enemy is in your base after hes already there?"

You cross something out and rewrite it. "I will get you a map of the manor. Choose a few locations where you believe cameras might prove useful."

Jay "If I'm on the other side of the manor and a camera warns me someone is else where I would be able to find them instantly and get there, perhaps even take them by surprise. It is just an extra precaution and would help me pinpoint their location if they manage to get in."

Seeing him cross out something makes her pause, is she being a bit ridiculous with this thought...? She mentally shakes her head. No, no, she'd being reasonable, a bank would do the same thing, and just as a bank many precious people things hole up in this mansion. She will ask for anything she believes would benefit this home.

"Alright Sir, Will do, I have a few areas in mind already."

Scratch Finished writing, you stand, moving away from your desk to a filing cabinet in the corner. You leaf through the pages until you get to the map section and take out a map of the mansion. Has it really changed so much?

After a moment you return, sitting as you set the map in front of her. "A fair argument. Here, use my pen." You hand her your pen, white and sleek, though it looks like its been broken in half and taped back together again.

Jay She gently takes the pen, the thought of accidentally breaking it again trips through her mind and she nods, not sure if she should say where she's thinking of placing them as she marks. Her mouth twitches down, let's go with staying quiet and explaining if asked.

She circles a back corner of each lobby, hallway, lounge, sitting room and dance hall, she places two circles in the library, making sure that the placement would have the whole rooms covered. She flips through the map again, making sure she marked the right places before offering the pen back. She would really rather not place cameras in the personal rooms or offices, privacy is key after all and she's interested in intruders no secrets.

Scratch When shes done you lean forward and take the map back, looking over her markings. Cameras in the manor...youre not sure you like that.

"I'll sign off on this under some conditions. One, there cant be any recordings or tapes. Keep it to real time footage exclusively. Two, tell no one. The calm has only just fallen, the last thing I need is the Numbers or worse looking over their shoulder every time they turn a corner."

You breathe a quiet sigh.

"Put that aside for a moment, theres something I want to ask you. Whats all this about a tattoo?"

Jay

"Yes sir, that works fully with me. I understand, I'll keep my lips sealed on this."

Jay look at the map, wondering if this is truly the right thing to do... well if a problem ever rises she could always remove the cameras. Looking at Scratch with a tilted head as he speaks up again, dread fills her to the brim, each word a heavy stone on her heart. Her ears pin flat against her head and she sits back, unconsciously wanting to space herself from the problem.

"I- um.."

She digs her nails into the back of her hands as she interlaces her fingers again, looking down at them. If Jay could go any paler than the pitch white she already is, now would be the time for that.

"Just something I considered, I like the meaning some tattoos can have and there are some really pleasing to look at ones.. While it would be neat to have a tattoo, I.. I know you don't want me to have one so you don't have to worry about me getting one."

She wonders briefly who brought this tattoo business back up to Doc, her tail thumps once against her lap in annoyance, way to hang her up to dry there.

Scratch You sit in silence for a moment, hands folded on your desk in front of you, a cool,easy expression on your face. Its easy enough to understand her desire, flashy things like that always look appealing to a young, impressionable girl.

"From what I hear youre quite serious about it, though. Commited, even. And not that I particularly enjoyed hearing about the tattoo, again."

You pause for emphasis.

"But I cant help wonder what design you had in mind. It must be something very important to be pulling your attention away from your work."

Jay Jay doesn't even look at him once, her head is bowed, ears pinned back and heart pounding so heavily in her chest she was sure Doc could hear it himself. It takes her a bit to respond as she swallows her panic and tries to ease her nerves. If this is the feeling she gets for just thinking about it and not acting upon it, she is sure she could never actually break a rule or order, she wouldn't be able to handle it.

She takes a deep breath and steels herself, keeping her head down.

"I don't know who brought this up to you, or where you heard it from, but..."

She pauses, it's not true, it's not true! She bites her tongue, not finishing the sentence. She does want a tattoo, and badly too. What's so wrong with that besides Doc telling her not to get one. Jay grits her teeth and shakes her head slightly.

"I am serious about it, but as I said I wouldn't go against you. Enjoying the thought of things is different than acting a part of it."

She glances up at Scratch, her green gaze firm under all the worry and fear on her shoulders.

"Everyone dreams after all.. And there is no way this is pulling me from my work, I've done everything everyday like I have for the past fourteen years, sir. Nothing comes before my job, ever..."

She sighs and glances down again, the design... of course. She internally grumbles in embarrassment. He's gonna think it's stupid of course.. Rrrgg.

"The design is phases of the moon down my spine with cherry blossom branches on the top and bottom. It's meant to draw attention away from the scars on my back, The moons are a tribute to my space aspect The phases of the moon each mean something different, and cherry blossoms are my favorite plant right next to a white lily."

Scratch

You can see youve hit a bit of a nerve in her. If she were not already made of nerves, that is, though she seems to be taking it on the chin. Good girl. You'll make a hound of her yet. As she explains her design, you give her a once over, trying hard not to picture your best girl with a back covered in ink. How incredibly unbeseeming. No, you cant allow it to happen. You might have at least considered if it was something classy and simple.

"I see. Well, if thats the case then theres no reason for concern, hm? You're a good girl, Jay."

With a thin smile, you fold the map and place it in your desk drawer. You dont blame Jay for her flights of fancy, if all were punished for desiring things the world would be empty. If anything you're more curious why Doze would bring it up to you if its causing Jay so much grief.

"I certainly hope this will be the last time we have to discuss it."

Jay A ray of hope, for a moment at least. 'You're a good girl, Jay' if only she could of heard just that over this whole tattoo conversation, though it does make you curious about something else you had in mind...

"Yes, sir. I hope so too, I have no intention of bringing it back up."

Rubbing the palm of her hand with her thumb she eases enough to look back up at him, ears drooped instead of harshly pinned against her dark green hair. She pauses for a moment. It's better to ask and know, right? She wants to try out short hair, and after all that can at least grow back, while a tattoo is irreversible.

"Sir.. May I ask something, while on the ending end of things I'm allowed or not..."

Scratch

Your smile dips slightly, and you return your gaze to her. Theres a reason youre so hard on her. Letting your creations develop too much of a personal identity is just asking for trouble in the future.

"You may ask."

You hope all this 'wanting things' is just a phase.

Jay "Am I allowed to cut my hair? I wanted to try out shoulder length hair.."

Seeing the smile falter on his face makes Jay instantly regret asking. Gosh where is her fucking blue and white cow plushie when she needs it. To avoid his gave she busies herself with smoothing out the fur on her tail.

Scratch There comes a bit of relief when she asks about her hair. Youll miss her lovely locks, but you allowed the same for the Handmaid once she began behaving. And shoulder length is far less drastic a change.

"Yes, I'll allow it. I think it will be a lovely look for you, hoo hoo."

Jay That.. She looks up at him finally for, with a soft smile she nods. Like rain washing things away, that easily rids her of the tattoo conversations tolls. Keeping down a sigh of relief, she swishes her tail behind her and interlaces her fingers again.

"Thank you, Sir. I hope it will be.”

Scratch

You smile fondly. Yes, you think that will be quite lovely. Youll have to look into getting her a uniform as well, something to match her coloring and new hair. Ribbons...

"Very good, thats that, then. I will get you what you need to set up the cameras."

Jay Jay smiles and takes a breath, tail thumping against the chair. Okay.. Okay, just easy business talk now. None of that stressful 'Hey you can't do this to your own body' talk. She sighs under her breath and leans forward with a nod.

"Alrighty, Sir.. Is that all we need to discuss for now?"

She tilts her head, ears flopping with the motion. 'Just.. let me out of this office for two minutes.' Her ears flick as she thinks to herself, 'Feels like a mountain of smoke in here, just need to get a breath somewhere else.'

#ic action #log #story post #notasinglescratch #(( hi i have not perished just busy an ded ))

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sugardaddyshuu · 6 years

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Tagged by @kanebisexual

Age: 18

Birthplace: Georgetown, Tx

Time: 11:55

Drink You Last Had: Wine lmao I’m drunk I got drunk with my parents

Easiest Person To Talk To: Hmmmm.... @kanebisexual is a very nice person and very easy to talk to I love them lmao

Also @graciefaace is super nice and I love them too, and also @the-languge-of-flowers is super duper cool and I love them as well (just assume I love everyone I tag after this lmao) @striderism theyre not a tg blog but I thought it was really easy to be myself messaging them even though Ive barely talked to them

Favourite Song:Uhhhhhm... idk maybe right now it’d be primadonna by marina and the diamonds because it reminds me of Shuu? you cannot convince me he doesnt listen to them or the canberries or that their music is not inspired by him despite the fact their music was written before tg was. It just fits him so well lmao

Grossest Memory: Umm... One time I had to clean tiny little baby poops out of a chipotle bathroom when I worked there it was really gross I gagged the whole time lmao

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

In Love: Omg theres so many people I’m “in love” with... First of all Tsukiyama Shuu, OBVIOUSLY, second, this girl I work with, Fallon... Shes such a babe omg shes so sweet and the other day she bumped into me kind of and only our hands touched and she was like “I just wanted to hold your hand <3″ and oH BOY DID I SWOON I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO RESPOND LMAO also my friend Claudia <333 a while back we were hanging out and I was feeling really awkward bc they were all servers and talking about server stuff and I’m a cook and dont really know wtf theyre talking about but she went out of her way to include me and make me and honestly she really reminded me of Hide and I’d always had a crush on her but I fell head over heals for her right then and there lmao.... Theres also this girl I’d just met that honestly I barely know but she messaged me so casually and she was so sweet when she talked to me and made me feel so appreciated I got a lil bit of a crush on her lmao;; She said I was beautiful and I about died. And last but not least theres this guy I work with, Emiliano, and when he first started I had a crush on his cuz he was awkward like me and also lowkey really cute but them this fuckin dipshit manager kevin said some stupid shit to him that made him start looking down on me bc obviously this was his first restaurant job; he had no sense of urgency whatsoever and was completely unaware of his surroundings and after that hed always be side eyeing me through the shift which would really piss me off but it didnt take long for him to realize despite kevin talking shit that one time im good at my job and I work really hard. Especially when hed see kevin coming to me to ask quesions and learning from me bc hes new and didnt really understand the positions at first, and especially after I started training the new prep cooks and he over heard them complaining because “””””its just so much all at once”””””” which yea you have to do a lot all at once, but its not as hard as it seems at first, youll get the hang of it. No one expects you to be amazing at first, prep is just one of those things that every day you do it you find a better way to manage your time and improve. It just gets easier and easier. But yea anyway over time we got closer and closer and now I think I really like him??? Hes such a cutie omg and hes so funny... hes awkward and quiet but once he comes out of his shell hes so cute and funny and sweet... The other day after taking like 5 hits off my friends dab pen I noticed he looks at me a lot when Im not looking and tbh that made me so happy... I like him so much lmao;;

Im the type to get little crushes on a lot of people a lot but these are the people I currently like the most.... Also I love my family and all my friends and alcohol and thc

Jealous of People: Who have no problems controlling their anger. I have to constantly remind myself to calm down, and understand other people pov and that makes me so sad???

Killed Someone: Honestly is there anyone on this site who could honestly say they have? a very small number maybe lmao

Love at First Sight or Walk By Again: Well love is a really strong emotion. Personally, I think love at first site is total bullshit. You cant know someone based on their appearance. You gotta get to know them first.

Middle name: Alexis

Number of Siblings: 5! Jenny, Alana, Caitlin, Kailey, and Patrick, in order from oldest to youngest! I’m the youngest;;

One Wish: I wish I had a fairy godparent ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Person You Last Called: My sister Kailey. Shes always texting me to call her for some reason...

Question You Get Asked The Most: Probably what school I go to

Song You Last Sang: I think ‘Be Gay’ from Big Mouth? I’m bi but that song is my shit lmfao (I also recently rewatched Big Mouth bc its a great show lol all I’ve wanted to watch lately is F is for Family and Big Mouth but since I finished those all I’ve been watching is The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. which is HILARIOUS btw, if you havent watched it I highly recommend you do, it’s great and apparently Netflix just released some new episodes so!~)

Vacation Destination: Uhhhh idk Corpus??? Or California... Or Colorado... I want a beach and legal marijuana so I guess thats California

Worst Habit: I pick at my face a lot. And cuss a lot... And say ‘lmao’ after pretty much every sentence...

X-Rays: Um.... Idk I’ve gotten plenty of ultrasounds on my heart bc I have an enlarged aorta if that counts????

Favorite Food: I gotta agree with @kanebisexual Cheesecake is delicious

I tag whoever wants to do this I guess... maybe @decadent--sin ?? I havent tagged them yet lmao

#about me #delete later?#we'll see how im feeling when im sober

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arplis · 4 years

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Arplis - News: Modern Keep Bees Away

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11 .. 2560 To keep them away from you, vanilla extract is a great solution. Just mix a tablespoon of vanilla extract or baby oil in water and apply it on your body when you are at a bee frequent area. Baby powder is another solution to keep bees away. . So use only natural products for the betterment of both you and the bees. 8 .. 2558 The bees are buzzing! But maybe you want the bees to buzz a bit further away from you? Heres some natural ways to keep bees at bay. Deterring Bees with Natural Materials So, consider putting a few peppermint plants or cinnamon sticks around your picnic area or outdoor patio. You can also keep bees away by chopping up a clove of garlic and letting it soak before for a few days in a glass of water. 28 .. 2562 In this article, we will explore ways to keep bees away from your house. . natural bee deterring methods that will repel rather than kill the bees. 17 .. 2561 Learn how to keep wasps away from your pool area, what to do . swimming pool and how to keep bees away using home remedies. . Eucalyptus, spearmint, thyme citronella and wormwood are all-natural wasp repellants. 23 .. 2556 Theyre pretty, and they naturally repel bees and other bugs. They find the scent unpleasant. How to Keep Bees Away from your Next Outdoor. 15 Fast Ways to Get Rid of Bees Effectively (Kill or Repel Them Naturally). + 12. Solitary Just make sure to keep kids and pets away from the treated area. 27 .. 2561 Here are a few tips and tricks on how to keep wasps and bees away . as red and brown will look like natural predators and will provoke bees,. How to keep wasps away from house Get Rid Of Wasps, Bees And Wasps, Natural Ways To Get Rid Of Wasps Here are some ways to deter wasps from.

8 .. 2561 To keep bees and wasps away so you can work in the garden or yard, try dabbing tea tree oil on your clothing. A little around the bottom of your. 6 .. 2561 Instead of killing them, get rid of them by using natural repellents or, in worst-case scenarios, calling for . What Essential Oils Repel Bees . This spray can also be used on patio furniture to help keep bees away for a while. . If allergic to any of the oils or their associated plants, dont use that particular oil. 8 Essential Oils to Repel Bees and Wasps. Tea Tree Essential Oil. It is one of the most popular essential oils. Peppermint Essential Oil. Almond Essential Oil. Eucalyptus Essential Oil. Orange Essential Oil. Citronella Essential Oil. Cedarwood Essential Oil. Essential Oil Blend. Discover ideas about Essential Oil Bug Spray. Use this DIY essential oil bee repellent spray to repel bees! . How to keep mice away. Ive included all there is to know about doTERRA grapefruit essential oil uses including DIY & food. Add drops of peppermint and drops lemongrass oils. Spray where Use Cucumber Slices To Keep Bees Away During Outside Events . Keep Bees. 17 .. 2561 Learn how to keep wasps away from your pool area, what to do about bees around . As with bees, there are essential oils that can repel wasps. . While many of the suggestions above involve professional help or buying. 7 .. 2562 With a few precautions, you should be able to keep bees away from your . Catnip essential oil has been shown to be effective at driving away bees and . was small and may or may not have included Africanized honey bees. 29 .. 2560 8 Genius Ways To Get Rid Of Wasps & Keep Them Away . that in 1993 alone, an estimated 80,000 children were involved in common household pesticide-related . Plant Therapy are our favorite brand of essential oils and you can purchase all of the oils 10 Brilliant Ways You Can Help Save The Bees. For more information on how to use your essential oils to keep a pest free, . Honey bees give off various pheromones to attract, distract or repel other bees,. Get rid of wasp naturally, from wasp nest removal, homemade traps, natural sprays and recipes, for dealing . Like wasps, most types of bees will leave you alone if you leave them alone. . If they see you, they will drive you away by swarming you and stinging you. Essential oils are also handy wasp and insect repellents.

23 .. 2556 How To Keep Bees Away From Your Next Outdoor Partyand You! a complete summer ensemble out of them, complete with a cute little. 12 .. 2559 1. Play keep-away. Avoid bee attention by wearing unscented products. Use an insect repellent to mask the scents. Natural repellents use citrus, mint, and eucalyptus oils. Dryer sheets also make effective insect repellents: tuck one in your pocket if youre hiking or place a few under your picnic blanket. How to keep wasps away from house Get Rid Of Wasps, Bees And Wasps, I am sharing how you can remove wasp nests in only 2 steps without hiring a. Ways to keep bees away from your next outdoor family barbecue. What color clothes you should avoid. Lots of info! Use Cucumber Slices To Keep Bees Away During Outside Events. . USA spider chart- identify the spider you were bitten by to figure out if its venomous. I HATE. How To Keep Wasp & Bees Away For This Summer Keep them away by putting about 10 cloves in 1/2 lemon. They dont . 13 Amazing Things You Could Do With Lemons We Bet You Never Knew. Get Rid Of . Lovely Home. See more. 14 .. 2560 How can you enjoy natures beauty without attracting every buzzing bee in a 10-mile . Plants That Will Keep Bees Away From Your Yard. You can try luring the bees away from your bakery. If sweetened water is not what is already drawing them, try placing a bottle a few meters away from your door,. 8 .. 2558 The bees are buzzing! But maybe you want the bees to buzz a bit further away from you? Heres some natural ways to keep bees at bay.

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19 .. 2561 Triple BEEs Wrap . Nature Bee Wraps are a planet friendly alternative to plastic wrap! Because a hive can only have one queen bee? I said. Exactly, Gary . was still trying to wrap my mind around the process of making honey. Where does the. . this is to be understood likewise in a child of God, while the pcore soule is wrap; . Viz, the Divine vertue or power of God, till it commeth to bee a Divine body,. And if so bee that God make not good his promise of particular protetion of our . Therefore when all _things things else are gone, let us wrap our selves in. And if so bee that God make not good his promise of particular protection of our bodies . Therefore when all thing. things else arc gone, let us wrap our selves in. . a mirror of the human condition.11 Verily under the wrap of this transformation is taxed the life of mortall men, when as we suffer our minds so to bee drowned. her long legs, innocently bold; the woman wraps her shawl modestly about her, her . Then she lay down, frightened, beautiful as a doll; he hovered like a bee.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/modern-keep-bees-away

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burgermiester · 7 years

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Fire Emblem Echoes: Another Hero King (Shadows of Valentia) Impressions

***No Story or Character Spoilers***

I dont speak or read a word of Japanese so I couldnt give my thoughts on the characters or story even if I wanted to. In addition to missing out on the story and character development I also only scratched the surface of the skill(tech) system as well as the sidequest system. All of that is enough to make me not want to call this a review; I need to play it in English and do the postgame content to have a complete opinion on the game, but as it stands I still have a lot of thoughts about the game after one complete playthrough. So...here are those thoughts:

Presentation: I dont think I can praise the presentation highly enough. Its always been the case with Fire Emblems on the same console that they look slightly better than the one before it, and thats no exception here. The music, color palate, animations, menus, character and weapon designs are all among the best in the entire franchise. Even though I couldnt understand the words, it was incredible to play a Fire Emblem game with full voice acting. It really elevates the experience and I’m very pleased we have finally gotten to that point. No idea if the localization will have good voice acting to make it work, but what we have heard so far has been great and generally speaking I think the 3DS games have done a good job in the area of localizations so I am not too concerned. If I have one gripe about the presentation its in the fully animated CG cutscenes. They still look very nice but the animation is a step down from what we saw in Awakening and Fates.

Gameplay other than combat: Fire Emblem Echoes, like Gaiden, is as different from any other Fire Emblem game as it could possibly be while still having that Fire Emblem feel. There are a lot of things that work together to make the game feel so unique. In addition to the world map that was in the original Gaiden and brought back in Sacred Stones and Awakening we also have towns and dungeons. Now, towns and dungeons were a thing in Gaiden but they were the definition of minimal. Towns consisted of one or two buildings where you talked to everyone and they either joined the party or warned you of a tough enemy coming up, and once in a while there was a chest as well. Now towns are 4 or 5 screens with many more npcs to talk to and more items to find, as well as a blacksmith (who in Echoes is a cool buff lady instead of the normal gruff guy in most FE games!) in most of the towns. It must be said that in the original game you could walk freely around the towns and now they are split up into screens and function more like a visual novel. Some people are upset by this change, but I personally dont really care either way. Being able to walk around would be slightly more immersive and the visual novel style is slightly more efficient and makes it easier to not miss any items, and I think both those things are valuable.

Dungeons, on the other hand, are just a straight upgrade. In Gaiden you walked down a hall and did a fight, sometimes thats repeated x2 or 3 times. It got a little more complicated near the end in Celicas route and then again at the end of the game, but not much more complicated. Now they are actually dungeons with secret passages and breakable objects and treasure and enemies that you can ambush or can ambush you. All the dungeons have a really great atmosphere and feel unique from one another. I admittedly dont play a lot of dungeon crawler type games, so I dont have a huge frame of reference here, but to me it felt like it was on the simpler side of dungeon crawlers, but not too simple that it wasnt enjoyable. Aside from the lost woods which is a maze with a lot of signs that I couldnt read, I liked all of the dungeons in the game, and I expect that I wont have any problems with the lost woods once I can understand them better. The fights themselves are simple and much easier than what you face in the main battles, so its overall just a fun atmospheric break from the main game where you win some easy fights, collect items, and maybe grab a promotion if anyone is ready.

Oh, I almost forgot, fatigue is a mechanic in dungeons. But just barely. At no point was fatigue ever more than the most extremely minor inconvenience. I really cant understand why they put it in the game. It usually only even sets in if you stick around in a dungeon longer than normal to grind, so I assume its meant to penalize grinding, but that doesnt make a ton of sense because 1) dungeons are there for you to grind and 2) its not even a big punishment because its so easy to get around via just leaving the dungeon or using one of the ample foodstuffs to cure it. So basically, its a bad mechanic that was poorly thought out and executed, but it barely matters so its easy to ignore and forget about.

I dont know what it is about finding weapons in a dungeon or picking it up from a castle you gained access to after a hard battle on the map, but it really makes them feel incredibly precious to me. That feeling is made even stronger by multiple design elements: first, like Gaiden and Fates before it, weapons are unbreakable, so you can keep using them as long as you want and get more attached. Second, as your characters use the weapons they unlock techniques that they can use if they have those weapons equipped. Last, forging has been added to the game and it uses a tiered system where you keep upgrading until you reach max level and then can upgrade it to an even better weapon entirely, letting you stay with your weapons throughout the game. And unlike Fates which added a bunch of drawbacks to the S rank weapons to offset their power and infinite durability, the legendary weapons in Echoes are just great. I think its an amazing system. I didnt fully understand the rings or shields, though I did use them as well, I got more out of having weapons equipped in general, but rings all have big descriptions as to their effects so I will have more to say when the game releases in English.

I also didnt get a ton out of the skill system. Since most skills dont double, I dont think youll be using them much on your mercenaries, pegs, or fast cavaliers, meaning typically worse off units like knights and archers might benefit from it. I mainly used two skills in my playthrough: A very strong double attack from Alm’s personal weapon and a super accurate attack with Atlas using an iron bow which in conjunction with his massive attack stat meant big chip damage. Ill have more to say about this later, but I am tentatively pretty excited about this system.

Battles in Echoes: The actual combat in Echoes is significantly different than any other FE game. Three major things really work together to make that true: Theres no Weapon Triangle, Growths are pretty low across the board, and when you promote you are brought up to the class baseline in stats. These things in conjunction with each other make it so that classes have a far stronger identity than ever before. Every class is well suited to fighting certain other classes, and you really dont want to send one of your units up against an enemy type that is good against them. This means that juggernauting is mostly out of the game as you really need to fight with your whole army to be able to deal with all enemy types. And thats right, I said the whole army. There are no deployment limits other than in dungeon battles. This is a pretty big deal and really makes the gameplay different than other Fire Emblems. The only other main game with no deployment limits is Genealogy of the Holy War, however in that game I almost always found myself either not fielding a few of the units or fielding them and then they never made it to the fighting because of low movement. In Echoes, I always wanted to use everyone and they almost all were useful in some small way. This hugely changes the feel of the game for me. I know a lot of people were concerned about there being no pair-up and how that would diminish the feeling of bonds between units, but this game gave me a stronger feeling of togetherness between my army than any other FE game prior has done and it wasnt even in a language I understood! It was just the game mechanics working to tell that story. I always had to keep my army in a tight bunch, both to try and keep them all within their three tile support range and to be close by to attack the enemies who attacked their friends. It feels really great to fight with my whole team, even my armor knights, for the first time.

Compared to Gaiden: I am already a big fan of Gaiden so inevitably I couldnt help but to compare it with the original while I played. Some of these things might not even be noticeable for anyone who didnt play Gaiden but they mattered to me and I want to point them out in any case. First the biggest thing to Gaiden fans: all the buffing and nerfing. Generally, I didnt really notice a lot of the buffs. Clair and Mae were both a lot better units than previously but otherwise I couldnt tell you off the top of my head who else was improved and how. Nerfs were a lot more noticeable: Falcoknights and Dread Fighters, while still amazing, are much less impressive than they used to be. I suppose it makes sense but I cant help but feel disappointed. Gaiden/Echoes pushes rpg elements and is generally a game that seems to encourage grinding, letting the player have overpowered things at endgame seems like it compliments those design decisions. Similarly, they nerfed mummies in a major way. Before they appeared in big groups near the end of both routes for the player to easily grind up the entire party in a very short amount of time if they wanted to do so. Now they appear randomly, run away from you, and when/if you do get to kill them they barely give any exp unless you are extremely underleveled. Its a game where grinding could actually be fun but they dont include any way to level up past level 12 or so without it taking a miserably long time. On the opposite end of things, I really approve of the nerf to warp. Before you could warp any unit to anywhere on the map and it really lent itself to letting Alm’s half become an Alm solo. With it now having a much shorter range, its more encouraging to use your entire army and not just Alm, and I think thats a good thing.

My One Big Fear: This goes hand in hand with my big complaint from last section, but I think this game might just have the scummiest dlc practice of any Nintendo game. The original Gaiden gave players easy access to endgame grinding to level up all their units to max very quickly and easily if they so desired. Echoes changed it so that those enemies now give an insignificant amount of exp and they are selling a new way to grind easily as DLC. That really sucks. Theres nothing else to say than cutting something out of a remake and selling it separately is a really really shitty thing to do. I hope enough people become aware of what they did and protest. DLC practices have gotten progressively worse since Awakening but this is the worst of the bunch, and I really hope this trend doesnt keep going into the Switch FE era. I also am very worried about the money in this game. I did not have nearly enough money to do all the forging that I wanted to do and I am aware that a gold farming dlc is planned. This would be just as shitty of a practice as with exp if the money situation is as bad as it immediately seems because giving everyone forged weapons would make the game more fun, and that fun is blocked by a paywall. That being said, I will give them the benefit of the doubt for now because I didnt do many sidequests, and its possible that theres a lot of money to be earned there or elsewhere and I didnt know it. If in-game gold is actually as rare as it seems and buying a dlc to getit more easily is heavily encouraged then I will be very disappointed.

In conclusion: Theres some seriously troubling aspects of monetization that actually hamper enjoyment of the game, and fatigue and food seem to largely be a waste of time, but that aside Echoes is a fantastic game and a real treat to Gaiden fans and Fire Emblem fans and video game fans in general. Its all around an enormously fun experience that I know will get even better once I get to play it in English.

#fire emblem #echoes #fesov #another hero king #fire emblem gameplay spoilers

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drinkshaming-blog · 7 years

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>Gamzee: Transport eggs.

You illuminate the path ahead of you, unwavering in your light as you gingerly carry a large, padded basket full of eggs towards one of the incubation caverns. Your bare feet pad softly against the rocky ground, dark stone tinted a hundred colors from sweeps of blood and paint running through the crevices. As you walk, you sing to the basket under your breath.

Ahead, the entry you remember is gone, as well as several of the murals that were beside it. You stop and frown. Your memory isn’t that bad, is it?

“Gamzee!” calls a voice from down the tunnel. “Ataki’e!”

You look up and wave in greeting. “Ataki’la, kenna.”

A troll a few sweeps older than you, Datayn, approaches you, carrying an armful of failed eggs. She nods to the wall where the entry should be. “Eylna te hariek’a juni pate, ah, saulo tog’una fabrei ne’gi, tellai.” Her expression darkens momentarily. “Temai’e herum herei te taki’e kureti aue.”

Your eyebrows lift and you study the wall, or rather the unwieldy rubble that makes up the wall. It’s difficult to tell where there’s been a recent collapse because there are so many old collapses-- there’s an old saying that goes hariek’a hennei kala re’ue ni’a, or ‘every wall of the caverns is made of someone’s ruins’. Datayn says eight jades and forty eggs were lost to a collapse three nights ago. You turn your gaze back to Datayn with a soft smile. “Auwae. Malai, malai, kenna.”

She smiles back. “Malai, malai, tellai.”

“Reke’te aue hyeni’el keji keia unelli te orema?”

“Paela taei ke me’ei.”

“Fa’ele key te jyre’kl te haeme’ai saulo taki’e?”

“Ah, raenu keai ke’ea ne’a dayn, melliaku.”

“Ta, auwae. Kelli’a ieneta ue!” You carefully rotate one of the eggs in your basket.

“Ieneta ue,” she echoes, nodding towards the failed eggs in her arms. “Temai’ilee kaki morei, shereya, Gamzee.” She laughs at her own joke and allows you to adjust the rhododendron in her hair before she continues on her path and you alter yours, turning right at the next fork to make your way to another incubation cavern.

As you walk, you check your messages, scrolling through a couple notifications about various projects you’re collaborating on (and sighing softly at your conversations with Tavros and Karkat respectively) until you reach your conversation with your supervisor.

GAMZEE: no worries, motherfucker GAMZEE: youll get a chance to see these legs again sooner or later haha JAREED: |et’s aim for ‘sooner’. GAMZEE: sure thing :o) JAREED: you are hard at work, i assume? GAMZEE: be up and carrying some motherfucking eggs around right now actually JAREED: oh! are you, uh. |uminescent? GAMZEE: yeah haha i lights all up whenever shits dark GAMZEE: helps a brother get around easy JAREED: that’s pretty hot.

Your smile widens. Motherfuck, for all the respect he doesn’t have for you, this thing you’re doing with him feels pretty good.

GAMZEE: you think? JAREED: yeah, the who|e g|owing thing, as we|| as the makeup stuff you wear. JAREED: and you. you are beautifu|. GAMZEE: haha damn thanks GAMZEE: thats all some nice shit to hear from a motherfucker as you GAMZEE: which, here cant make no judgements cause i dont all talk to so many highbloods JAREED: you are the first jade i’ve spoken to as we||. GAMZEE: really? JAREED: yes. i have heard stories about friends of friends who have had… encounters with jades, of course, but it is difficu|t to discern how much of that is pure boasting. JAREED: i think most tro||s want to find out what it’s |ike. GAMZEE: wow GAMZEE: that mean a brother just got lucky or something? JAREED: yeah, i got to see you for myse|f. GAMZEE: all kinds of motherfucking good shit that be haha GAMZEE: this fucker getting to talk at ya such how, shades and looks and everything JAREED: nothing you say makes sense. it’s cute. GAMZEE: haha aight JAREED: it’s because you speak that backwards jade dia|ect, right? it’s very exotic.

Does he think you’re speaking in the mother tongue? Does he think that’s the mother tongue?

GAMZEE: sure GAMZEE: so this all you tryna make a story for ya friends friends to gossip at, if ya catch? JAREED: abso|utely. i want you.

Oh, man. This is obviously intensely objectifying, but fuck it’s nice to be wanted. Why don’t you fall in love with people who fetishize you like Jareed does, again? (Because you would and do choose real, all-consuming, unrequited love over someone fickle who actually wants you any night. Which is a miracle unto itself.)

GAMZEE: thanks :o) JAREED: i’|| try to find an excuse to visit the caverns soon. GAMZEE: oh aight JAREED: is the new diet for the mother grub working out? GAMZEE: yeah shit be going down right as rain yo

You hear singing and see flickering light ahead, and shut off your palmhusk, checking on the eggs instead of paying attention to the new message vibration. Before long, you find yourself cutting through an enormous cavern where rows of jades are hauling on lines and handling levers to move huge vats of genetic material (a job far too delicate for machines- one off-temper unit and the entire gene pool could be poisoned). You walk down one of the lines as they continue to sing, and stop beside one particular troll.

“Yo, Kerede,” you greet him.

The jagged scar on his face twists as he smiles up at you, continuing to haul in time with the song. “Hey, brother. How’s the night treating you?”

“Some fine shit, tellai. You?”

He shrugs as much as he can. “Got stuck hauling, but we having a good time here.” Something catches someone’s attention; they raise their hand and call for the others to stop. The motion pauses and several trolls hurry over to check out whatever’s wrong with the slurry. Kerede steps away from the line; you decaptchalogue a skein of water and hand it to him. “Thanks, man. You going to the festival this week, right?”

“Yeah, motherfucker just heard of all that,” you reply. “Gotta pay respects and shit. Been a while since the last big event, anyway.”

“True, shit’ll be nice.” Kerede carefully pours some water over the back of his neck. “Anyways, I’m near finished with the inseam on that hat for ya’ friend. Probably be done in a night or two, depending how busy I am. Having a nice time with it.” He finishes dousing himself in water and holds out his arms invitingly; you carefully hand your basket to him and stretch.

“Damn, aight. Thanks. Anything a motherfucker can do back at ya?” you ask.

He thinks about that for a moment. “Oh, I been working on some fancy dress for my palemate’s wriggling day in a few perigees here, could use some patterned silk for a shawl kinda thing.”

You nod. It isn’t repayment for his services, that isn’t how things work down here; it’s a way to keep busy, to keep creating, to help a brother. And this sounds like something you’d enjoy in your free time. “What size you thinking? Might need to find some help getting dyes and all.”

“Well-” A call goes up for workers to return to their places. “Shit.” He hands your basket and water skein back to you and repositions himself beside the line. “I’ll message you the details, okay?”

“Sounds good, brother.” You smile at him. “See you.”

He returns your smile and you’re on your way again as the singing starts back up.

Some time later, you see seashells dotting the walls of the tunnel, most broken into a few pieces by centuries of pressure at least. A few jades are carefully digging some of the shells out of the stone. They must be on break. You watch them gently scrape at the insides of the shells, presumably to make sure they’re the type that can be used to make a certain rich fuchsia pigment. One of the trolls calls to you and asks if you’d like some dye from these once it’s been treated. You say yes, definitely, and thank him-- without stopping; you’ve wasted some time already and you don’t want these eggs to cool down too much.

A few minutes later, you’re humming softly to yourself and the eggs when a smaller troll, barely younger than you, falls in step beside you. There’s something strange about the shape of her torso, not distinctly noticeable but undeniably there; she herself was killed in a collapse not too long ago. She’s holding a basket of eggs as well, you notice as she amiably joins in with the words to your song. “Cover your crystal eyes, and let your colors bleed and blend with mine... Making, uh-- motherfuck, forgot the lyrics.”

You laugh. “‘Sup, Ellane?”

“Thirsty as shit,” she replies frankly.

“Mm, I feel ya. Should check in with Ya’alei? Motherfucker might got something to spare,” you suggest. Ellane nods. “Mine best friend got me all fed couple nights ago,” you add, some pride in your tone.

She cocks her head. “Who?”

“Karkat.”

Her eyes widen, a grin playing across her face. “The cute cerulean who was here like last week? He is, so. Oh.”

You give another soft laugh, keeping an eye on your basket. “He’s the only cerulean you ever met, sister.”

“Yeah, but I’ve seen them in movies. He’s motherfucking cute. Have you ever met another cerulean, anyways?”

Shrug affably. “Nah, I ain’t. Got a good point.”

“Was he the one you went out with?” Her gaze traces the colorful shapes on the cavern walls as she moves past them.

“Yeah.” You smile at the memory.

“Sweet messiahs, that must have been so cool. How was that, anyways?”

“Some miracle shit. Brother took me to see some wildflowers and all, we sat around most the night. Hardly wanted to come back.” There’s probably some totally obvious note of disproportionate happiness in your voice.

She quirks an eyebrow. “So are you pale for him or what?”

“Yeah,” you reply simply. The two of you reach the entrance to the incubation cavern and head inside, navigating around clutches of eggs to find an open space. This area is tinged with the sulfurous smell of the hot air channeled up into this chamber from the boiling wells deep below. You step over one of the naturally occurring vents that line the wall of the cavern, feeling its intense heat on your legs-- it reminds you of the sweeps before the game, when you were the youngest troll in the caverns and your relatively diminutive size made you the perfect candidate to lower yourself down into the vents and locate blockages or problems. It reminds you of crawling for what felt like weeks through narrow winding tunnels, sometimes having to press your back and feet against the sides so you didn’t fall, of scraped shoulders and skinned knees and damp clothing, of a parched tongue that painfully juxtaposed the air so humid you thought you’d suffocate, of heat rashes and ambiguous chemical burns, of having to grope your way along the wall through total and inexhaustible darkness.

Motherfuck, you wish you had your bioluminescence then. Maybe you’ll go back down there sometime. You smile and continue to follow Ellane, breaking your trance with “Sorry, what’d you motherfucking say?”

“Does he know?” she repeats.

“Don’t think so,” you say as she sets her basket down and lays a thick cover out in a wide, shallow depression in the cavern floor. “Ain’t trying to make it known, but ain’t tryna hide it neither.”

“Are you gonna make a move?”

“Nope. Motherfucker ain’t any way, like, available for that feelings shit, nor interested in a brother. Just friend shit.” You set down your own basket and start transferring the eggs to the cover.

She examines one of her eggs and then sets it aside with a little sigh. “And you’re happy with that?”

“Sure thing.” You smile down at the eggs. “I love him, ya know, don’t need nothing back. Brother knows I’m there for him, that’s the best I motherfuckin’ need.” You know if he knew how you feel, he’d try to cut ties with you; you know it’s bound to happen sometime. But he’s here for now, and you’re happy with that, and the little pining lump in the center of your chest just reminds you how good you felt when he was yours. And that’s not a bad thing. You squint at the ceiling, trying to fit words together. “It’s, uh. You know, tou’na leiva, for a motherfucker, like takalou na’e hekemai? Reke ali’i jeya fe’all, gaiye pala he works shit out. It all... hennai ali’e ta, last time. Kinda, um, ehuwei te’a. Miracle shit.”

She gives a little nod. “Ah, I got you. Ca’ali te, brother.”

You adjust an egg in the clutch with a laugh. “Yeah, ca’ali te.” Ellane reaches over to you and wipes at what you assume is a spot of smudged paint near your jaw, starting to hum another song. You quickly check your messages again; before Kerede’s recent message about the shawl for his moirail is one from Tavros, which does hurt a little, as fresh wounds tend to do. You smile, at her in thanks and at yourself for being able to help Tavros out as well as you can.

The mineral deposits in the incubation cavern glimmer as you and Ellane make your way out, the light from your bodies reflecting against the crystals, and you take a moment to take in the huge murals that illuminate the walls nearly as much as your bioluminescence does. They bear lines of scripture, depict messiahs and cavern workers and flowering trees and moon cycles, scenes of violence and kindness.

The caverns are beautiful, you think for the hundred thousandth time over the course of your life, all decked out in centuries’ worth of paints and stardust stains in every color imaginable, all full of siblings in their own paints and flowers and stardust singing songs and performing ancient rites and lighting their paths with the radiance of their own bodies. Making inks and baskets and clothes purely for the love of making. No wildflowers could be this vibrant, you think. You work hard, all of you, scraped shoulders and blistered palms and crushed ribs, hands grasping blindly in the dark, purely for the sake of creating something good, and you have. Here, deep beneath the surface of Alternia, is the garden of the sun.

These caverns must have been a lifeless place before the Faith was born-- you can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for your people back when they were really slaves. And without the Faith, they still would be. Without the Faith, you can only imagine that these caverns, here beautiful, the garden of the sun, would be dark and empty.

You like to think that you’re like the caverns.

#prayers #longpost //#slavery //#death //#claustrophobia //#fetishization //#casteism //#more people being attracted to karkat //#blood //#ask to tag //

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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The Balance Between Novelty and Stability - and How That Affects Your Dollars and Cents

Recently, I had a face-to-face conversation with a reader (yep, this happens every once in a while; I have a few readers in my local community that Im not close friends with, but they recognize me and seem to always have some sort of question or topic to bring up in conversation) about the idea of having everyday meals for the family, something I mention often as a frugal strategy. For those unclear, an everyday meal is just a meal that Sarah or I can prepare quickly and easily on any given weeknight that our family really likes. You might call it a staple meal or a regular meal. For us, those meals include things like spaghetti with tomato sauce, scrambled eggs and pancakes, chili, and tuna casserole. Both Sarah and I can whip those things out in a jiffy without even a second thought; the recipes are internalized and efficient. This reader was pretty pointed: dont meals like that get boring? My gut instinct was to tell the reader no without really thinking about it, but instead I said, Hmm Ill give that some thought, and suggested a post on the topic might appear soon. Over the next few weeks, I had some conversations with my family about the topic in a roundabout way. I mostly just asked for meal suggestions and asked what meals they liked the best. Our three children were all pretty specific on what meals they liked the best. My youngest loves any sort of pasta and cheese combination if it has pasta and cheese, hes in. My middle child loves taco night above all else. My oldest loves chili and enchiladas above all else. Interestingly, if I have them pick a meal that they think all three of them will like, theyll pick pizza, whether its homemade or picked up somewhere. My wife listed a litany of meals she really likes. I asked them what they thought about trying different meals and the children were all okay with it as long as their favorites remained in regular rotation and I avoided certain specific foods. My wife is more on board with trying new things, but she also still wanted a few favorites in rotation. They all said that they like to try variations on the familiar dishes, like trying a chili variant or experimenting with a pizza, than something radically different. It turns out that Im probably the most adventurous and experimental eater in my family, but even I enjoy our everyday meals. I actually like varying them a little and trying new angles on the same old things (like experimenting with cheeses for the mac and cheese) and, when I have time, making things as from scratch as possible, like making fresh pasta for pasta night or making from-scratch bread or making my own vegetable stock (just soaking vegetable scraps in the slow cooker). This realization, along with some Google searching, led me to this interesting article on Food52 by Amanda Hesser entitled Im the Food Expert, But My Kids Love My Husbands Cooking. Her experience falls right in line with my own: Her family is fine with experimentation, but they end up putting a lot of value on regular repeated family meals. Theyd rather have daddys pasta (rotelle pasta wagon wheels with a simple sauce) than something unusual or complex, and she often would, too: Im an unabashed homebody. A comforting home and stability are things I have an almost desperate need to maintain. And yet, even when I have a home that feels comforting and right, Im always itching to iterate and improve the physical spaceto paint a wall, rearrange the furniture, recover the chairs. The same thing happens in my kitchen. I may love being in the kitchen and cooking for family, but I clearly cant help myself from exploring some new taste, technique, or idea. This urge for newness and evolution worked for me for many years. When I was a full-time writer, whose job was to constantly discover and write about whats next, it was like feeding candy to my pathology. Now that I have kids, though, to whom I feel an intense responsibility to nurture a sense of security not to mention, to establish family traditions my searching ways floundered. The night after the podcast interview, while joking about it over dinner, I asked the kids what dishes of mine they liked. They paused and looked at each other. It was difficult for them to conjure up anything specific. Kids rarely need to be direct for their message to be loud and clear. If I wanted them to remember my cooking, I had to slow down, I had to repeat, I had to make food that they could count on. Like their daddy did with pasta. Over the past few years, Ive done just this. Ive stuck with dishes, and I keep a folder of recipes we like to go back to again and again Robertas garlic dressing, porchetta, and Thai steak salad. This made me think quite a bit about my own change in food habits during my life. When I was growing up, my family definitely had regular meals that we repeated with frequency. Im sure, looking back, that those meals were fairly convenient for my parents to make and that doing so had become, with practice, quite easy for them. There was another factor going on, though: it provided a touchstone of shared experience. There were certain dishes that we would have frequently that I would love to smell coming in the door, not just because they were delicious, but because they made me feel things like family and safety and comfort. When I reached adulthood, that feeling basically went away unless I was visiting family. I either viewed food simply as forgettable fuel or I purely chased novelty by eating at a wide variety of expensive restaurants or preparing really fancy things at home on occasion, like a $30 grilled steak. For all of the expensive meals I ate in my twenties, none of them filled me with the sense of familiarity and comfort that my mothers humble tuna casserole would make me feel, or the smell of a fried egg cooked in just a bit of butter with a lot of black pepper on it. Those things made me feel something beyond mere food they made me feel safe and loved and comfortable. An expensive meal might be delicious, but its usually a one-shot thing simply because of the financial constraints of 99.9% of Americans. Thus, it can never create those feelings of home like humble dishes eaten frequently with loved ones can create. Theres a clip at the end of the movie Ratatouille where the hardened food critic Anton Ego takes a bit of a dish prepared by the humble hero Remy. The dish is the titular ratatouille, a pretty humble dish thats basically just a casserole of sliced vegetables, and Ego initially turns up his nose at it. But when he takes a bite well, watch for yourself: [embedded content] What does this hardened critic think of when he tries the dish? His mind doesnt consider flavors or texture. Rather, he flashes back to his grandmothers kitchen when he was a child. He has feelings of peace and love and comfort and family. Those feelings dont exist the first time you try a dish or even the third or fifth or tenth. Rather, they come from a body of positive experiences over time, and they can be triggered by the most humble of things. You dont need an expensive restaurant meal to feel those feelings; in fact, youll almost never feel that way unless youre a regular at a family-owned restaurant. On the other hand, you can get that feeling from something as simple as an egg fried in a bit of butter with a bit of black pepper on it. Were really talking here about two different values that are at least somewhat in opposition to each other. Novelty comes when you try a new experience. Youre interacting with new people. Youre trying a new meal. Youre going to a new store. Youre going to a new place. Those are enjoyable experiences our brains like novelty. Yet, at the same time, novel experiences dont last. They dont scratch the same itch that familiar experiences do. Stability, on the other hand, comes when you enjoy a familiar experience of some kind. Youre enjoying time with family or close friends. Youre eating a family favorite meal. Youre hanging out at a familiar haunt. Those are also enjoyable experiences and familiarity breeds enjoyment. Such experiences fulfill us in a completely different way than novelty does. Whats really interesting to note here is that novelty is typically more expensive than familiarity. New products come with a price premium. They require additional travel because youre familiar with the things in your area. Restaurants you havent tried before are often the expensive ones because youve already tried all of the regularly priced ones. This is not to say novelty is always more expensive than stability, but that its frequently the case. What does all of this mean in terms of our finances, then? First of all, its easier to be frugal if you have an appreciation for familiar experiences. If you hold familiar experiences in disdain or if your life history has made it difficult to build up familiar experiences, its hard to find appeal in them and youre going to inherently seek novelty. Remember, the psychological benefit of novelty is much easier to enjoy than the psychological benefit of stability and familiarity. Novelty can be experienced at pretty much any moment; stability and familiarity take time and a history of positive similar experiences. So, in a practical sense, there is a great deal of frugal value in finding simple experiences you like and repeating them (or close variations on them) until the familiarity brings additional joy. For example, Ive come to love sitting in the soft brown chair in our house with several windows nearby and just reading a book. It is an experience I indulge in often and I get a great amount of joy out of that experience, not just because it feels good, but because it inherently reminds me of the many moments when it felt good in the past. It feels comforting to sit there with a book in my hand. I feel it when Im playing a familiar board game with close friends, where we all know the rules and we all feel comfortable with each other. I feel it when Im making a pot of chili or a homemade pizza for my family and then we gather around the table and eat it together and talk about our day. I feel that warm stability in many experiences in my life, and Ive come to intentionally notice it and value it. Those types of experiences, because of their repetition, almost have to be very inexpensive or free out of necessity. If there was a significant cost in such a repeated experience, it would cause a great deal of financial damage, which brings me to my second point. Constantly chasing novel experiences is hard on the wallet. If I want to eat at a new restaurant every night, thats going to cost a lot of money over time. If I want to simply have something new for dinner every night, the cost of all of those different ingredients is going to add up (not to mention the time invested in constantly jumping from culinary technique to culinary technique without mastering any of them). If I want to read the latest books constantly, Im going to have to buy them, and popping $15 to $20 for a new hardcover once or twice a week adds up fast. If I want to play the latest board games constantly, I have to routinely spend $30 to $40. If I want to watch the latest movies constantly, I have to routinely spend $10 or $15 at the theater (Id probably buy a movie pass, but it still adds up). You get the idea. A constant stream of novel experiences is expensive. Theres an even bigger problem A costly novel experience that you start to repeat until it takes on some aspects of familiarity is a road to financial disaster. Lets say you go to a coffee shop and its a wonderful novel experience. You decide to go again and again and again. Slowly, it starts to become a familiar and stable experience. You feel a certain comfort in that routine. The problem is that the routine is expensive and engaging in it with frequency is like acid on your budget. Another element Ive personally noticed is that most of the really valuable stable experiences I have in my life things like familiar family dinners, familiar experiences with friends, and so on are incredibly inexpensive ones. The family dinners that are really successful on all cylinders are ones where were gathered around the table with people we love and who love us, eating a food we all enjoy and basking in the afterglow of many such dinners before us that have built a certain bond. You can get some of that while chasing novelty at the latest restaurant, but you miss some of it, too, and youre also hammering your wallet. None of this is to say that novelty doesnt have value. It does have tremendous value. Many of the joys of life are held in new experiences. Yet there are many elements of life that novelty cant bring to the table and cultivating stability often provides those elements. If you take one message home from all of this, its that novelty is fine, but theres a tremendous financial value in appreciating the positive stable experiences in life. Find the small things you actually enjoy (not things that merely pass time), whether theyre shared experiences or solo experiences, and fill your life with them. Repeat them, so that they take on a sense of familiarity and stability. Vary them, so that they dont become boring, either you wouldnt read the same book over and over or watch the same television show over and over, but you might consistently read in your favorite chair or watch a new episode of a beloved program while cuddling with your partner. Dont abandon novelty that would make life dull but dont overlook or abandon the many values of stability and what it can bring, too. Enjoy that simple comfort food with family. Enjoy that comfortable chair and a book from the library from your favorite author. Theres incredible value to be found in that kind of stability and it wont erode your finances. Good luck. Related Articles: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/the-balance-between-novelty-and-stability-and-how-that-affects-your-dollars-and-cents/

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therealestatesparkblog · 5 years

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The Tech Employee's Ultimate Guide to Getting Started in Real Estate Investing

While most real estate investing advice is geared to those who wish to escape their current jobs, not much has been written for those of us who love our jobs and dont intend to quit them. Personally, if I quit my job, I know I would be bored out of my mind. I enjoy my career and have no intentions to quit, but I wanted to build a real estate portfolio that would supplement my income to achieve my financial goals and my goals to give back to the community. The following is my real estate investing philosophy that I use to guide my decision-making. By no means will my philosophy be perfect for you, but Ive found the following advice to ring true to those of us who want to get started in real estate without wanting to end a promising career. Getting Started I was blessed to start my real estate investing career with my father (which I talked about in BiggerPockets Podcast episode 74). When I started investing in 2013,the market was a much different place. We were just coming out of the trough of the recession so it didnt take a rocket scientist to do well in real estate because most of the money made in real estate happens when theres a significant distress in the market. Without distress in the market, its hard to buy properties at prices that will provide you enough return for the time involved. Now that we are approaching the late stages of the cycle, this is where the risk/reward equation is skewed more towards risk and its very easy to lose a buck. Construction costs are increasing. New units of housing are coming online, rents are softening, and interest rates are rising. Now is a great time to study real estate and build your real estate investing network. This isnt a time to rush into the market to purchase something youll later regret. Financial Housekeeping Before we get started with real estate, you have to make sure youre covering the basics. Assuming your company matches your 401(k) contributions, you should max out those accounts and invest in a target retirement index fund. An employee match is pretty much a risk-free rate of return that you wont be able to beat anywhere else. Then you should set up a Roth IRA, assuming you qualify. Next comes savings. As cliche as the advice sounds, its imperative that you live beneath your means by maxing out your savings. Adequate savings provide you the financial security to walk away from any situation or real estate deal if you feel youre not being treated fairly. Without being able to walk away from bad situations, your life will be filled with constant stress. At the minimum, you need to save months worth of living expenses in the bank so that if you lose your job you can stay afloat during these tough times. You also need enough insurance to provide your loved ones with support in case something tragic happens to you. We all think were invincible, but theres always that risk something terrible can happen to you. Your company should provide you with the option to enroll in various accidental death, short and long-term disability, and long-term healthcare coverages. Make sure you pay for your disability coverage because if your employer pays for the coverage, you will face a large tax bill. If you havent applied for these insurances, please consider doing so. Then you need to get your estate in order. Ive seen many families suffer from a lack of proper estate planning. You need to set up a trust so that its made clear what your directives are when you unable to act on your own behalf. If youre incapacitated, who will make healthcare decisions on your behalf? Who should be responsible for maintaining your assets? In the tragic event of your passing, where should your assets go? All of these questions need to be answered now, and you should speak to a trusted attorney. Finally, you need to prevent yourself from getting caught in conspicuous consumption trap of buying things you dont need in order to impress others. Its very easy in Silicon Valley to fall into this trap because so many people are doing amazing things such as traveling the world or buying luxury cars and huge homes. You need to focus on your long-term goals and not get sucked into other peoples dreams. If you follow these guidelines, you will be on part of the way there to a healthy retirement. High Net Worth But No or Low Cash Flow The reason why I said part of the way there is because Ive come across many tech employees that have stock portfolios worth millions of dollars, but they dont have a single asset thats producing cash flow. They are net worth rich, yet cash flow poor. The only way for them to benefit from these assets is to sell them, but once they are cashed out and spent, its gone forever. I met hundreds of paper millionaires during the Valleys first tech crash, and unfortunately, they never diversified their holdings to other forms of assets to take advantage of their new-found wealth. Related: 4 Toxic Habits That Sabotage Even the Most Promising New Investors So How Do You Build Cash Flow? Of course, you can buy stocks that pay dividends, but based on what happened with the GE and Budweiser, dividends arent guaranteed. Dividend payouts depend upon more variables than real estate, which increases the odds of companies not paying them out. For stock dividends, you have to hope the companys business model allows them to earn large returns on capital to pay a dividend, hope the companys products stay relevant in the future, hope a competitor doesnt steal market share, and hope the management team is competent. For real estate, you need to buy a good property located in a desirable location for a decent price in order to attract the right tenants for the property to cash flow. This has fewer variables, which decreases your risk exposure, but of course doesnt guarantee cash flow. The Benefits of Working in Tech Being that you work in tech, you likely have a steady paycheck, a generous 401(k) program, and resources to easily qualify for a mortgage. This is an advantage that most investors lack, and you must use this to the best of your ability. While full-time real estate professionals need to buy and sell properties in a frothy market to pay their bills, you have a good job that allows you to wait until a frothy market cools off and then swoop in when the real estate cycle hits a trough. While real estate is currently in vogue, many people are feeling the pressure to deploy capital as if money is going out of style. Control that impulse! The real estate cycle has shifted from a buyers market (roughly 2009 to 201) to a sellers market (2016 or so onwards). In this market, the returns arent as high as they used to be, and Im seeing people do silly things in the market such as taking out home lines of equity or loans on their stock portfolio to buy low yielding real estate investments. Im seeing syndication pro formas with assumptions that the economy will grow forever, which isnt how the business cycle works. At this point in the market, money is cheap, and deals are being bought at a premium, which is a bad sign for investors because the risk/reward equation is now skewed towards more risk for each marginal unit of reward. When the cycle slows down, then you will see money becoming harder to obtain and home values retreating, which makes it easier to find sound investments. At that point, you are in the drivers seat and you will have an opportunity to buy real estate at discounted price. How Do You Know When the Market is Cooling Off? When you can find a property that meets your strict criteria. Each person has their own criteria that fits their return goals, and you need to create your own. But as a baseline, after all expenses (mortgage, taxes, insurance, operating costs, long-term capital improvement reserves, etc.), you should at the least hit a cap rate of 6% based on historical returns and assuming the propertys price is in line with comparable properties. Im not saying thats a cap rate I aim for, but if youre shooting for anything lower, you are exposing yourself to overpaying for an asset. Every Investor Hates Sitting on CashUntil They Need it I regularly take calls from investors who feel anxious for having large amounts of capital sitting on the sidelines. These investors are already fully invested in the stock market and might have a few real estate investments. When I hear these stories, I think of the lessons I learned from Warren Buffets annual shareholder letters. I want to highlight two excerpts from his annual shareholders letter. Our aversion to leverage has dampened our returns over the years. But Charlie and I sleep well. Both of us believe it is insane to risk what you have and need in order to obtain what you dont need. Despite our recent drought of acquisitions, Charlie and I believe that from time to time Berkshire will have opportunities to make very large purchases. In the meantime, we will stick with our simple guideline: The less the prudence with which others conduct their affairs, the greater the prudence with which we must conduct our own. Preach! When markets are booming, we hold on to cash while feeling great shame. So we must get rid of it as soon as possible because everyone else is making so much money. Yes, losing a small percentage of purchasing power due to inflation hurts, but being knocked out of the game by losing all of your money is even worse. The name of the game is to stay in the game long enough so you can purchase assets that fit your criteria. No one can forecast when the corrections will happen, but you need to be in a position to act when they appear. Look at your cash as an oxygen canister needed for climbing Everest. At the base of the mountain, everyone has oxygen canisters, and some people carry less because its a burden to lug those heavy things along. Some expect everything to go smoothly due to excellent forecasts and expertise of their guides, so they decide to carry just enough to get them up and down the mountain within 60 days. Others know things can get rough, so they will bear the burden of carrying an extra oxygen canister in case things dont go as planned (source: life). But when in youre in the mountains death zone at 26,000 feet, things change. The weather forecasts are off, and now youre suffering from a freak blizzard that extends your trip by another 10 days. You can barely breath due to the high altitude. Previously, that extra oxygen tank was looked at as a burden, but now its worth its weight in gold. Youll thank your lucky stars you have an extra one. Am I saying hold all cash? No, but when youre already heavily invested and new opportunities dont meet your investment criteria, think twice before dropping your extra oxygen tank. Preparing Your Emotions Currently, everyone I speak to wants to invest in real estate. Some people think if they dont buy something now, they will never ever be able to do so in the future. That sentiment concerns me and causes me to be even more conservative than others. Related: What Newbies Should Know About Financing Investment Properties (Versus Homes) During the financial crisis, when stocks were falling to all-time lows, my father had a very clear sense that it was a great time to invest in general. He deployed an immense amount of capital picking up stocks and pushed me towards investing in real estate. He kept telling me that in order to make a great return, you need to have confidence in the long-term future of the market so you can think clearly while other people are losing their heads. What you need to do now is reflect on the last market crash and how you handled yourself. Did you lose your cool? Did you sell off? Did hide your money under a mattress? Or did you start deploying the excess capital you had to pick up assets at a discount? If you did lose your cool, what will you do now to prevent yourself from missing out on a great opportunity? Staying in the Game Many of you are super eager to get started, and thats great! But you have to understand real estate is a multi-decade endeavornot a one-year sprint. The real gains from real estate appear when years of rent increases, appreciation, and currency inflation, which allows us to use weaker future dollars to pay down debt that was denominated in current more expensive dollars, combine. As time goes on your properties loan-to-value ratio will decrease allowing you to pay off your loans completely and free up more cash flow or roll them into larger properties. But in order to be successful, you have to develop staying power to ride out of the ebbs and flows of the market. Many investors have been shaken out of real estate investing due to not expecting the market to go down and paying too high of a price for real estate. Some have short time horizons of five years or less, which increases the volatility of returns and increases the odds of you selling your property in the midst of a downturn. The truth is that if most investors were able to hold on to their cash-flowing properties purchased before the 2006 peak until the present, they would be back to break even. But unfortunately, most investors didnt buy cash-flowing properties with enough margin of safety or had holding periods that were too short. Understanding Conflicting Incentives Real estate agents, syndicators, wholesalers, and other real estate professionals who make money off of transactions have short-term incentives that can go against your long-term goals. This isnt a ding against these real estate professionals. I know many of these professionals, and the ones I associate with do their best to balance their interests and their fiduciaries interest. I dont begrudge them for trying to make a living, but you have to understand they only get paid when money changes hands, so they have the incentive to pressure you into an investment that doesnt make sense. You will also find other investors trying to sell their poorly performing properties at the peak of the cycle to offload their duds to newbie investors. Just because an investor owned a property doesnt mean its the right property for you. Make sure to do your due diligence. A Note on Due Diligence Real estate is a cutthroat business, and you will come across many unscrupulous actors. If you get a referral, whether from BiggerPockets or outside of BiggerPockets, dont assume its a good referral. Do your homework.Always ask people who are trying to steer you into an investment or working with a particular person, Are you receiving a commission from this deal? And if so, are you a licensed real estate professional? If they answer yes to the former, they should be a licensed real estate agent. If they arent, back away because if the deal goes south, you dont have the benefit of the department of real estate backing you up. Winning the Battle and Losing the War Think of the times outside of sports where you have competed for something and were happy with the results. Maybe you fought hard for a promotion by isolating your peers. Perhaps you lowered your commissions in order to beat another real estate agent to a deal. Or maybe you overpaid for a piece of property in order to close the deal. All of these scenarios result in a win in the short-term at the expense of losing the long-term battle. This is known as a Pyrrhic victory. The most important thing in real estate is buying a property at a profitable price. If you screw this up, the rest doesnt really matter. Competing for bad deals lowers your return on real estate, causes undue stress, and leads to poor decisions. Its as if you are fighting for the lowest return on your time and money. If you dont remember anything else I said here, remember this: There will always be another deal. Having the ability to walk away from a deal (or anything else in life) is the most important power to have in real estate. Most investors cant do this, and they will suffer the consequences. Because you have a job, you have the power to walk away from deals when the real estate market gets out of hand. The Difference Between Linear Growth and Exponential GrowthImage via: Tor Bair When newbies get started, its easy for them to get discouraged because real estate is not as easy as purchasing stock. They look at real estate as a linear game, meaning for each unit of time input, they should receive an equal amount of cash output. WRONG! Real estate is more of an exponential game. When you first start off, you will see little or no return in your efforts. It took me about a year of research and hard work before I made my first investment, and that was when the market was buyer friendly. In this market, it could take much longer. That being said, since Ive made my investments in real estate, there are months when Im not doing much work in real estate, yet the returns from my initial input of time are exponentially increasing in the forms of output of cash flow, appreciation, and new opportunities to set up partnerships with other investors. While others are living off the cash flow from their properties, we have jobs that pay our bills so we can reinvest our cash flow into other properties to take advantage of the power of compounding interest. So dont get frustrated, take it slow, and consistently spend time studying real estate. Dont focus on the output. Focus on what youre learning and how youre growing personally. Comparing Yourself to Others Will Only Hurt You Never compare your real estate success to others because we all have unique life circumstances. Hearing the first BiggerPockets Podcast episodes about people buying houses in the depths of the recession for a pack of smokes or a jug of moonshine definitely can be disheartening when current prices are in the stratosphere. Dont freak out. Real estate goes through cycles. You need to focus on your own immediate goalsand dont compare yourself to others. Comparing your real estate endeavors to others is a great way to make poor financial decisions. Be wary of hindsight bias. You really would have to try hard not make money in real estate between 2010 and 2013. Some people take absolute credit for their success and are willing to sell bootcamp tickets to cash in on their luck. But due to survivorship bias, we arent hearing the stories from the people who used the same strategies before the financial crisis. The reason why we dont hear from them is bankrupt people dont like to share their stories of failure. They sort of disappear and are ignored. People would much rather chase the gurus who spin their stories of success and wisdom. So when you see someone who did well during this last period of time, realize that a certain aspect of it could be sheer luck, and if so, dont be so eager to attribute it to their sage wisdom. Related: The New Investors Simplified Guide to Landing a First Investment Property What Does This Mean for You? This is a great time for you to build your real estate investing network, learn about real estate investing, and save your money. This is also a time to be cautious when it pertains to deploying capital in real estate. Sure, you might be able to find an opportunity here and there, but you have to take it slow. What Types of Real Estate Investing Should You NOT Do?Fix & Flip or Any Major Rehab Project This strategy is out due to the major time requirement, the knowhow involved in managing such a project, and the increasing cost of construction labor due to a shortage in contractors. Not to mention, if you miss appraisal or your expenses balloon, youre going to have a bad time. Right now, BRRRR is in fashion, but once properties start missing their appraisals, you will see why that method can be so risky and was part of the reason people failed catastrophically in 2006. Tax Liens and Note Investing These investments are doable, but you miss out on rent growth and appreciation. Im assuming youre aiming for rent growth and appreciation. In some cases, the borrower is unable to pay back the loan and you might be able to scoop up the property, but the foreclosure process can take forever and there are no guarantees other parties wont try to bid up the house price via a shill. Most importantly, you have a full-time job and you dont have the time to head over to the courthouse and bid on failing properties. Also, we never count on appreciation when building our financial models, but if we dont have appreciation, it hurts our ability to raise rents down the road because appreciation is a quantitative measure of the desirability of an area and a persons willingness to pay premium prices to live there. Development Projects No. Development projects have a million ways to implode for first-time investors and you really need to know someone you trust can walk you through all the intricacies of development. My family did make money off of our own projects, but that was after years of experience in investing in real estate, building experience in construction, and developing relationships with the city. We had great success, but we also had our butts handed to us on a deal. For newbies, I suggest staying away until you truly understand development. 3 Types of Real Estate Investing You Should Consider Being that you have an awesome career to focus on and family responsibilities, you need to use an investment strategy that fits within those time constraints. I recommended tech employees start with the following are three strategies when they begin investing in real estate. Buy & Hold Within an Hour-to-Two-Hour Drive From Your Residence This is hard for most of us to do in the Bay Area, but in an ideal world, you would be able to easily drive to your property to check on it and make sure your property manager is doing their job. If you decide to pull the trigger on an investment, buy something conservative. It should be a single family house or a small 2-unit duplex. If you dont have experience managing tenants, you shouldnt set yourself up for failure by making your first investment a property that has 3+ units. Ease yourself into it by starting with a duplex. Most importantly, invest in a neighborhood thats no lower than a B-class area, which means low crime, with blue and white-collar workers, within the path of economic development. Out-of-State Buy & Hold With a Property Manager Many employeesare doing this right now. They are buying properties out-of-state and using a property manager to manage them. I suggest you find one primary market to invest in and then do your market research on the state to learn about demographic trends, job trends, government climate for business, earning potential of residents, etc. Then pick a city and neighborhood to research crime rates, schools, location relative to job centers, and the citys general plan for development in the area. For the love of all that is good and science, when youre starting, dont invest in a neighborhood lower than a B. The lower you go, the more crime and the more landlord hassles you will have to deal with (more on that for another post). And most importantly, get yourself on a plane to see the area in person. Nothing beats visiting an area before investing there. Syndication Basically, youre a silent partner in a deal for a large apartment complex or commercial building thats already constructed. For these deals, you need to be an accredited investor or a sophisticated investor. Syndication is similar to buying a stock without having the benefits of liquidity. When you buy a stock, hopefully you read the 10-K to understand the companys business model, opportunities, management, and risks involved in buying the property. Once youve read it, then you make a decision to invest or not. From there, youre basically a silent partner, and hopefully the company does well so you receive a gain on equity or a dividend. For a syndication, instead of reading a 10-K you receive an Offering Memorandum, which is essentially a 10-K but for investing in a large multifamily property, retail building, storage facility, or development deal (development is the riskiest). After reading the terms, if you like the deal, you can write a check to the syndicator for an equity or debt position in the deal. If the deal goes well, you receive regular rent distributions, and once the holding period is over, you receive your principal and appreciation. You can find syndication deals via RealtyShares, Fundrise, and Realty Mogul. Wait, Why Didnt You Mention REITs? Yes, REITs are freely traded on markets and you can get in and out whenever you want, but they have an added level of volatility so they arent for the faint of heart, and when you see those daily price fluctuations, it can compel you to cash out too soon. The problem I have with REITs is its hard to get specific exposure to a desired area, and its hard to see the specific assets and returns in the fund. For instance, Im exposed to Sacramento for my buy and hold, but lets say I want direct exposure to Texas, specifically South Austin near a recent development. Its hard to find an REIT that is micro-targeted. Also, you dont have that much control over the actions of management or exposure to them, so you better hope the team knows what they are doing. That being said, REITs can be great investments; its just up to you if you want to go that route. Spreading Yourself Too Thin Ive known quite a few investors who have scattered their buy and hold rental portfolios over numerous states in the hopes of higher return. While they have the energy and time to do this, they forget that even returns have a law of diminishing returns. Scattering your portfolio creates an added level of complexity for your investments, which can lead to poor decision making. As you grow older, keeping track of the economies, policies, and tax regimes of multiple states can be more trouble than its worth. Assuming this is your buy and hold real estate, I recommend investors go deep in one market before spreading themselves too thin between multiple markets. As you begin to develop a better understanding of your primary market, you can spot opportunities and deploy capital faster than rookie investors. Eventually youll develop rich networks you can tap into to provide your business with the strength it needs to succeed. A Blended Approach to Real Estate Investing You should own buy and hold real estate indefinitely because you have a much longer holding period than standard partnerships or syndications. But you should have exposure to syndications, REITS, and other real estate partnerships to broaden your exposure. Using the latter forms of real estate investing, you receive the benefit from exposure to other markets, while leaning on professional management to protect you from the potential pitfalls of entering markets youre unfamiliar with. Of course, you need to do your due diligence! The only problem with partnerships and syndications is that eventually they end, and youll have a chunk of cash youll need to reinvest. But by having a healthy buy and hold portfolio, youll still have exposure to the market while youre looking for a place to reinvest your capital. Well thats it for now. Let me know what you think. Next time I will go into a deep dive on how to analyze real estate markets. https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/ultimate-guide-tech-employees-starting-real-estate/

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas ❤

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

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adambstingus · 7 years

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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3