#and your social anxiety is like nope fuck off just avoid people and even like grocery shopping as much as you can haha

[wolf-and-bard]

The Geraskier Dungeons and Dragons AU of my dreams (inspired by the TAD AMA and Joey apparently being an amazing dm):

-"Why do you hate fun," Eskel complains - for the fifth time that day - after Geralt refused his invitation to a new DnD campaign - for the fifth time that day. Geralt doesn't hate fun. He hates play-acting and games, especially if they rely on luck and are overly complicated, he hates big groups of people, and he hates being told stories. Dungeons and Dragons encompasses all of those aspects and that is why Geralt avoids it like the plague. "It's not for me," he mutters and hands Eskel the sandwiches he made for him to take to work. - "But this Jaskier guy is legendary, like I heard he's the best Dungeonmaster in the state." - "Likely an exaggeration...." - "Pleeaaaase. I had to bribe the hell out of Aiden to have him give up the two spots he had." That piques Geralt's interest. "What'd you bribe him with?" Eskel scratches his head sheepishly. "I may have sold our brother's hand in marriage." - "That's ballsy for you... does Lambert know of his luck yet?" Eskel shakes his head and Geralt huffs a laugh. His brothers are unbelievable, one so nerdy it makes up for Geralt's complete lack of interest in pop culture, the other an oblivious prick that tends to get arrested for being offensive. Ciri is their only hope. "So are you coming?" - "Absolutely no way."

-Geralt doesn't want to go and until half an hour before the game is supposed to start, he keeps his resolve. But then Eskel bursts into their shared living room - their flat is still attached to their father's house, but separate enough that it feels like their own; Lambert has a type penthouse suite to himself and Ciri still lives with Vesemir in the main house - with an excited blush and wearing a WoW shirt and the biggest, brightest puppy eyes, and begs Geralt on hands and knees to come with him. "Why though?" Geralt asks. "Would be more fun if I stayed away..." - "But I'm awkward and your pretty face may distract from that." - "Esk, we have the same face." Which is true, save for... oh. The scars. Of course, Geralt wants to smack himself. Eskel always tends to be more self-conscious in groups of new people because of his marred face, an accident in the zoo when they were young. He believes having Geralt with him shows other people how he is supposed to look like. Geralt doesn't believe it's a great coping mechanism, but he can never deny his twin anything. "Fuck," he grumbles and a triumphant grin blooms over Eskel's features.

-That first session is to go over the basics for anyone who needs a refresher and to talk about what each player expects from the campaign bla bla bla; Geralt doesn't contribute more than the odd grunt and is soon distracted by Jaskier's bright eyes, his pretty mouth, his whole energetic demeanor... he develops a little fixation over the course of the evening and gives up on trying to understand the game

-Jaskier approaches him after, while everyone else is exchanging notes on their characters, excited and electric and Geralt hasn't the first clue on what to do. A light hand on his shoulder, a welcoming smile. "Geralt, right?" Geralt nods curtly and Jaskier pulls up a chair and sits. Way too close for Geralt's comfort. He doesn't... mind? Fuck are those butterflies? Already? "If you have trouble figuring out your character, we could always do a private session to get you going. What do you say?" - "Saturday," Geralt grunts in reply. Jaskier claps delightedly, then is distracted by one of the women, Calanthe Geralt recalls, asking if she can play a lioness shapeshifter. He lets Eskel collect him, endures his brother's constant prattle on the ride back. He dares to give the whole thing a shot.

-Their private session starts out with Jaskier explaining different classes of characters, a few bottles of Geralt's favourite Redanian Lager on the side. He tries to listen, at least at first. But then Jaskier keeps licking froth from his lips and some of the perspiration from the cold bottles runs down his exposed neck and fuck, Geralt just can't stop himself. Eskel said over and over that Jaskier was basically a magician, but Geralt thought that would be restricted to the game. Nope. His dick definitely twitches when Jaskier leans over him to grab the dice Geralt brought upon Eskel's recommendation. Geralt catches a whiff of his shampoo - vanilla? - and Jaskier's arm brushes Geralt and well. He lets out a low whine. Jaskier hums a question mark, but when he sees the look on Geralt face his encouraging smile turns devilish, knowing. "Good," he breathes, drops the dice and climbs onto Geralt's lap. "I thought it was only me." Geralt catches Jaskier's hips and they kiss. No classes are studied that day, no alignments picked, no attributes determined. Instead, Geralt learns all the beautiful noises Jaskier can make, learns some of his own anew. They will need another private session to make up for lost time

-"Perhaps I should just design a character for you," Jaskier pants into Geralt's neck as he slow-fucks him on their couch, Eskel being out with Lambert to clear up the whole Aiden thing. It's the third time they're meeting to figure out Geralt's character. Geralt grunts and accelerates just enough to keep them both on the edge. His skin is burning and Jaskier writhes, his shoulders littered with bite marks. "Oh, fuck, Geralt, please." Later, Geralt agrees to Jaskier's suggestion. He makes him pancakes for breakfast.

-When the first session is well underway, everyone quickly realizes that this game really isn't for Geralt. He tries, he does. Jaskier was kind, gave him a stoic half-orc warrior that communicates mostly with grunts, but he still doesn't get all the rules and Calanthe is getting impatient with him, her boyfriend Eist amused by this, and Eskel keeps throwing the dice for Geralt, and these girls, Téa and Véa, stare daggers at him. Jaskier's watches it all with amusement, gently steering the group back towards their adventure - not that Geralt has the first clue what their objective is. But Geralt wants to keep playing if only because Jaskier is so fucking beautiful in his element, imitating voices, using the most ridiculous vocabulary, glowing with pure joy. It's a privilege to see, Geralt understands that now. And he has to thank Eskel for taking him despite his reservations

-"Won't you go on a normal date with me?" Geralt asks one night when they are wrapped up in Jaskier's bed, contented and tired from their earlier activities. "I could take you hunting or whatever." - "That's what you call a normal date?" Jaskier laughs and kisses him lightly. They haven't defined whatever it is they're doing, but Geralt is in no rush. Especially because he hasn't yet dared to breach the topic with Eskel who quickly befriended Jaskier (and everyone else of course, at the end of the day Eskel is a social butterfly, no matter what scars he bears). "Just... go out with me." - "You know, usually I have a strict policy for dating players, but... well that's already way out the window so, yeah, okay. I'll go out with you. But we're absolutely not going hunting, I'm a vegetarian." Alas, there had to be some catch.

-Geralt keeps playing and his permanent confusion becomes part of his character as well. It isn't ideal, but the others - and Jaskier's forgiving storytelling - drag him through to the end of it. By then, Geralt almost gets it. "Well," Jaskier concludes. "That was a bit of a different campaign. Hope you all liked it." The bastard acts abashed. Hah. Geralt and Eskel are the last ones to leave after they all toasted and talked about playing again some time. "You coming?" Eskel asks, hovering near the door. He's long past his initial anxiety, his fangirling, his self-consciousness. That too has been a glorious part of this, seeing Eskel unfold, gain confidence, be at ease. He likes that he could give his brother the safety he needed. "I, uhm," Geralt starts, but Jaskier interrupts by threading his arm through Geralt's. "We are! What's for dinner?" And he drags Geralt past Eskel who raises a brow. Geralt tries to communicate with his eyes all he neglected to tell Eskel. It's only because they're so close that Eskel at least understands that they are something like boyfriends now. He laughs.

-"My baby brother," Eskel lulls later when Jaskier is already passed out from too much wine and Geralt and him stand outside, sharing a rare cigarette. He ruffles Geralt head. "I'd wondered why you stuck around so long." - "Fuck off," Geralt says.

-The next time Eskel invites him to a campaign, Geralt tags along. Not because he particularly wants to, but because now there are two pairs of puppy eyes, begging him, and he can't say no to either of them, let alone both (maybe someday he will actually enjoy the game for its own merits)

#another modern au yay #modern AU #headcanon #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #eskel #lambert #vesemir #ciri #aiden #lambden #witcher #the witcher #dnd #dungeons and dragons #I'm so bad at actually writing modern AUs but I love them so much #so I guess I'll keep writing these up #cw smut #cw smoking #cw swear words #my geraskier dream aus

[jstlikemagic]

It’s An Everything Thing. - Jeff Wittek Smut

Title: It’s An Everything Thing.

Pairing: Jeff Wittek/Reader

Rating: R (NSFW/Swearing) | Doggystyle, missionary, oral sex, protected sex.

TW: Hints at a small sexual assault situation but doesn’t surround the plot if that makes sense.

Summary: Y/N and Jeff don’t like each other... oh wait.

A/N: So, this contains smut and angst which is exciting! Please reblog and/or like if you enjoyed this! 

Looking around the party, you lost sight of your friend David. He invited you out to his party at his house. Which meant Jeff was going to be there. You and Jeff hadn’t talked since the fight you two had a few months ago that ended up in you two blocking each other on all social media and avoiding each other at all costs. Knowing he was going to be there made you so anxious but also ready to get fucked up.

Walking around, you started to look for the open bar. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when you spotted it with it’s beautiful Grey Goose bottles and a 750 of Fireball sitting on the bar cart. Stumbling upon the bar cart, you made yourself a mixed drink and walked away to find some place to chill and sit for a while. As soon as you turned into the living room, there was just crowded space and nowhere to breathe. As you tried to navigate your way through the living room someone had accidentally tripped you while they were dancing. All of the sudden, your drink spilled on you as you fell on top of a stranger on the couch.

“You fainted straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes,” Jeff scoffed. Looking up at him and realizing who it was, you quickly stood up.

“Piss off,” you spatted back. You walked away in a hurry to the bathroom, hoping no one would notice that you spilled your drink and it was completely soaking your clothes. Making it to the bathroom, you placed both hands on the side of the sink, looked in the mirror, and sighed deeply. You weren’t sure if you were mad at the person who tripped you, the fact that the drink you had was all over you, or the person you fell on was Jeff. 

“Ya know, I can get you a tide stick or something or I can give you a change of clothes or I can let you go home naked,” Jeff offered while peeking into the bathroom while winking at you.

“Nope, I’m fine. Goodbye,” you tried to shut the door but he stuck his body through the opening, enabling him to slide through.

“Are you really fine though? It looks like ya pissed your dress!” he laughed. You sat down on the toilet lid and put your head in your hands. You started to cry due to the anxiety and frustration of his presence. “Oh no, Y/N. I didn’t mean to make you-”

“Jeff, go fuck yourself. You’re a fucking dick and I’m not sure why. Even in my times of need, you still manage to make me miserable. Now, can you please leave me the fuck alone,” you screamed at him through tears. This was it. This was the breaking point. You were done with his egotistical, obnoxious, and annoying personality. He was just too much, especially right now.

“I like to joke around with you. I know you don’t think it’s funny but I always used humor and shit to hide that I was into you. At least twice a week, I watched guys hit on you, my friends ogled over you. I just need you. I know you’ve heard me say it before but I mean it,” he confessed. You just stood there in shock. 

“Funny way of showing you’re into someone, huh?,” you pushed past him and walked out the bathroom while wiping your tears. And there was your answer.

[A week later…]

Scotty was performing at the House of Blues and he invited you to come as a guest and celebrate with the Vlog Squad. Your mindset coming to the concert was that you were just gonna ignore Jeff so it seems like nothing's changed. The other guys had no idea what went down at the party because you told them you had to leave for “girl stuff.” That was enough for them to not question anything. Still, it was irritating to even think about spending at least four hours in a dressing room with a man who had the nerve to make fun of you and then cover it up with some bullshit.

“Y/N, can you hand me another water please,” Scott asked sweetly. Responding with just a smile, you walked to the mini fridge and gave him his water. What you didn’t see though because your back was turned, was that Scott eyed you the whole time. From the point of you swaying your hips as you walked over to the fridge and all the way to you bending down to grab the water. He licked his lips at the sight of you but specifically your ass. Sitting on the other side of the room was Jeff who eyed Scott. There was rage building up in Jeff. Even though you weren’t his anything, he still had this duty in the back of his head to be yours. “Thank you, babe,” Scott said as you handed him his water.

“No problem, Scott. Anything for you,” you dautingly said while shooting a glare towards Jeff’s direction. “Actually, I have a request. Can I have aux, guys? I have a song I really wanna dance to!”

“Sure, take it over!” Todd yelled from the bathroom. Why he was still controlling the music while taking a shit was beyond you but it was whatever. Connecting to the bluetooth of the speaker, you furiously scrolled through your playlists. You came across the “i like to drink and turn up” playlist and found the perfect song to fuck with Jeff. If he actually meant what he said to you a week ago, this might be the perfect revenge. You weren’t normally about the whole revenge thing but Jeff basically made you feel awful about yourself so why the fuck not.

Pressing play, everyone recognized the first few seconds of the song. It was “Or Nah” by Ty Dolla $ign, a very sensual and raunchy song but still loved very much by all of those in the room. With your red solo cup in your hand, you stepped up on the coffee table set up in the middle of the dressing room with your back facing Jeff. Making sure to flaunt your back side, you hiked up your shorts just a little bit so your ass was hanging out just a tad bit but enough to make Jeff go wild. Swaying your hips and dropping low every few seconds, it looked like you were dancing to “Come Get Her” by Rae Sremmurd instead. You knew you got the reaction from Jeff because he just looked up at you in awe, he looked like he wanted to jump your bones.

“Jeff, are you okay?” you heard David scream over the music. You turned around to see Jeff’s knuckles completely white from gripping his cup so hard. He had a straight edge face which brought out his perfectly sculpted jawline. Pausing the music, you just stared at him and he stared at you back.

“No, I’m not fucking okay. Y/N is a fucking bitch and I can’t stand her right now. God damn it,” he raised his voice. In one swift moment, he got up and walked out the door with it slamming right behind him. 

As he walked out the door, all you saw was Todd walk out of the bathroom while saying “Is there something I missed? Why do we look genuinely confused and spaceshot?” Nodding your head, you got up and decided to look for Jeff. Where would Jeff be? Where would Jeff be?

Turning the corner, you saw a little bit more of a private patio with plants peeking out in the back. You saw the back of his head but he was slumped over with his head burrowed in between his forearms. Debating if you should say anything, you kept your distance and mustered up the courage to say “Hey, um- I’m sorry. I don’t know why you’re upset but-”

“You don’t know why I’m upset?” he interrupted. “Y/N, I fucking told you how I felt about you, it was like you were gloating it in my face that I could see you, I just couldn’t touch you or have you. It’s not even a sexual thing. It’s an everything thing.” You could see how frustrated he was. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was so red. In the back of your head, you hoped he hadn’t been crying. You know that you meant to be malicious and wanted a response but you thought that it would’ve been more of a banter rather than the situation now at hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry that I made you upset. But to make things clear, I’m not yours and probably will never be. With that being said, get that through your head. You can fuck any girl you want within reason so it’s best of you to stick with that route,” you pleaded. You never actually thought of what it would be like to be with him whether it be platonic or sexual. You for sure didn’t want your mind to go there. Stubbornly, you didn’t want anything to do with him. He treated you wrong all these years and you weren’t sure of where your future even stood with him now after the dancing escapade. 

The truth was that you were scared. Scared of liking, or loving for that matter, anyone because of the trust issues you developed. Many people in your life had fucked you over and Jeff was already on that list. That is why your walls were up completely when it came to him. Maybe I should give him another chance? No, no. I can’t do that. He’s an asshole, Y/N. He’ll always be one. 

“Y/N, I guess it’s whatever right? I’ll just try to move on. Won’t think about you, won’t speak about you. Y/N, who? I just want to let you know that I may never be able to move on but I still hope maybe one day, you turn around, and at least wanna try being friends,” he spoke with sadness dripping from his voice with every word. 

[A year later...]

Sitting in a lawn chair by a firepit, you were just scrolling on your phone. You were at David’s house party and just felt lost. Feeling out a place and out of loop because you hadn’t seen the Vlog Squad in a year and didn't bother to. After the whole Jeff incident at the House of Blues, you thought it was best to give the guy some space. 

“Y/N! Is that you?” you heard David scream from across the backyard. Watching him run over, you laughed at him almost tripping over a rock. He was alway so fucking clumsy when he was drunk. Iyt only took one drink but boy was he hammered  As he made his way over to where you were sitting, he pulled up a chair right next to you. “How have you been?” he asked. 

Biting your lip, you just looked at him and shrugged. You weren’t fine. Not at all. Ever since the Jeff incident, everything played in your head. Every possibility did. Would you two have been dating by now? Would you two have been civil and friends? You wouldn’t know. You obviously couldn’t tell David any of that either. Hearing someone scream his name from inside the house, he quickly got up, said goodbye, and escaped the awkward moment you two were having.

Realizing you were alone again, you decided to get up and actually assert yourself. As you walked through crowds of people you spotted your best friend, the bar. Getting yourself a beer, you settled on one of the breakfast bar stools that sat right in front of the kitchen island. The kitchen was basically empty since the actual party was outside and in the living room. Taking a swig of the beer, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. “Hey sweetheart. Any reason you’re alone tonight?” the stranger asked while rubbing your shoulders. 

Taking another swig, you turned around. You didn’t recognize the guy at all and he wasn’t the least bit attractive. “Yeah, I’m waiting for someone. Thanks though,” you said nervously.

“Well, why don’t I make friends with you while you wait,” he said while placing his hands on the top of your thighs. Not knowing what to say, your mouth was left agape. You hoped that in this moment someone would fucking save you from this creep. Placing your hands on top of his, you tried to remove his hands off of you. But they were glued onto you and he squeezed your thighs. “Baby, I just want to have some fun. Is that too much to ask?” he whispered in your ear. 

Clearly uncomfortable, you just let him start caressing your thighs. As he started kissing your neck, you felt yourself get nervous and wanted to scream. Not wanting to cause a scene, you just remained silent and froze up. As you looked out into the living room to see if anyone would notice, you spotted him. He was wearing a black Carhartt shirt and khakis. He looked like an angel in the crowd of people. Hoping he would catch your attention, you just stared at him with this sad look on your face. 

When he finally caught your gaze, it felt like when you see someone after a breakup. Shocking but also familiar. He furrowed his eyebrows and right after that you mouthed “help me.” Getting up from his spot, he walked over to where you were sitting. “Hey, man. Get the fuck outta here alright. I’m her boyfriend so I’m the only one who should be touching her like that,” he threatened. Throwing his hands up, the guy slowly backed out of the room.

Both of you had no idea what to even say to each other. Do you say “thank you” or “hi” or should you just walk away and pretend that this never happened. Contemplating in your head, you just got out a “Thank you. Like a lot. I appreciate it.”

With his eyes darting over the place, he contemplated what to say. “Y/N, can we please go somewhere private?” he asked while fiddling his long fingers. Nodding to him, he grabbed your hand and led you to the guest bedroom. Sitting on the bed, Jeff pulled up a chair to sit right in front of you, giving that space that the both of you needed. “Now, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what I’ve told you before. But I wanna ask if you’re willing to even try being frie-”

“I don’t wanna be your fucking friend,” you spatted out. Suddenly, his face dropped to the ground and you could see the sadness forming. “Jeff, I wanna fucking be with you. I wanna be the only girl you have in the world. I wanna be the one who you wake up to, fuck with, sleep with. Everything.” Realizing that the liquid courage overshot this one, you just stared down at the ground and waited for him to say something.

“Alright, so where has this come from? Last year, I’m pretty sure you wanted to kill me. This year it’s ‘Oh Jeff! I wanna be with you.’ Y/N, did you think I was gonna wait forever for you?” he threw back at you. He had a point. You waited a year to figure out maybe there was something there. I mean tonight he struck something within you because of how he was the only one in the crowd of people that actually helped you in that uncomfortable encounter. He seemed to be the only that cared for you at this point.

Looking up at him with tears in your eyes, you just shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe I actually realized that we could be great together? Maybe love wouldn’t be scary if it was with you? I don’t know,” you muttered. Folding your arms, you fell back on the bed. Grabbing a pillow, you used it to cover your face because you could just feel the sobbing about to start. Feeling his eyes burning through you, you just sighed.

“Well, I know I could cover one of those tasks you want with me,” he said with a smirk on his face. Crawling up to your body, he just smiled at you. Caressing his hair, you pulled his neck closer so your lips met. As corny as this sounds, the kiss was more passionate than you could ever imagine. Wrapping your legs around his waist, his hips lightly ground into yours which made you moan uncontrollably. “You’re gonna let me make you mine tonight?” he asked while you caught your breath.

“Make me yours, baby,” you provoked. With that, he pulled himself off of you, and attempted to pull off your skinny jeans. Seeing that he was struggling to get them off, you laughed. Hearing him mutter something under his breath, he finally got them off your ankles and onto the floor. Looking at your underwear, he could see a wet spot.

“Wow, already wet for me? Just like at the party last year?” he joked. You rolled your eyes. 

“Will you just shut the fuck up and fuck me? God, stop being annoying,” you whined as you threw your head back. Slowly peeling off your underwear, he took in the view. This is what he had been waiting for. All those years, he had been waiting for a moment to get you alone and see this side of you. Not the naked side, he enjoyed that, but an intimate side that the two of you could share.

Moving his face up to your pussy, he just breathed and it sent shivers down your spine. You might've been waiting for this moment all year but you had waited what felt like a longtime for someone like Jeff in your life. Someone you knew that would protect you and treat you like the goddess you are. 

Sticking his tongue, you gripped the sheets in tight handfuls. Moaning through your gritted teeth, you felt his tongue doing circles around your g-spot. Wanting him to delve more into your pussy, you grabbed his hair and brought him closer. Soon enough, he was hitting the right spot and you couldn’t keep back your shrieked breaths and moans. Darting his tongue back and forth, you could feel a knot in your stomach forming. 

It wasn’t a familiar feeling because you had never been satisfied like this before. No guy had ever actually wanted to eat you out unless you asked for it. His first move was to eat your sweet pussy because he wanted to show you that this was all about you and your comfortability. 

Feeling the knot in your stomach tighten, you gripped his hair and tugged it hard. Feeling yourself tighten around his tongue, you let out on him. Licking up your cum, he took a step back to admire what was in front of him. An attractive, vulnerable, and sweet, Y/N. Throwing yourself up from the bed, you whipped off your shirt and unclasped your bra. Reaching for his shirt you tossed it over his head and to the corner of his room. Unbuckling his jeans, he stopped you. “Y/N, I wanna show you what you’ve missed out all this year. No need to pleasure me. Looking at you unfold for me is enough,” he smirked.

“Okay, then how do you want me?” you asked sweetly. Hearing that was enough for Jeff to cum right on the spot. He didn’t know why but the innocence in your voice flipped a switch in him. It made him feel bad about how he was gonna wreck your pussy for the next ten minutes. 

“I want you on all fours. Right now,” he demanded. Taking his belt off, then his pants, and boxers, you groaned at the sight of his cock. It was already dripping precum. Grabbing a condom from his dresser drawer, he opened the package and slid the condom on his hard cock. With your ass in the air, he lined his cock up to your wet pussy. Placing a hand on your back, he slowly pushed in. Hissing at the sensation, he pulled back and said “Y/N, are you okay? I’m not hurting you am I?”

“Nope, I’m fine. Just need to get used to it,” you replied. Trying again, he slowly entered you while making sure to not put all of himself in just yet. After inching in every time, he put himself inside of you. He found his rhythm and was fitting himself completely in your tight pussy. Gripping on your hips, every once in a while he’d smack your ass. 

Grabbing your ass and smacking it, he said “Oh, you like it when I fuck you like that? You like it when I smack your ass, baby?” Nodding your head, you managed to pant out a ‘yes.’ Suddenly, he removed himself from you. Feeling empty, you whined at the awful sensation. He took you by your hips and turned you on your back. 

“Sorry, baby. I want to take you this way. I want to look at you while I cum,” he breathed. Instinctively wrapping your legs around his hips, he inserted himself again. Only this time, he placed his lips on yours which earned him a moan from you. His face then found himself in the crook of your neck and his lips on your neck. Holding on to the back of his neck, you needed the support from him completely fucking you into tomorrow. Every thrust was hard and fast and it was perfect. 

Even though it didn’t seem like the typical intimate and romantic moment, it was. There was a certain closeness you two felt with each other during this moment. He was giving himself to you and you were giving yourself to him and it was perfect. 

Feeling him slow down, you took that moment to catch your breath a little bit and refocus on what was happening. Jeff lifted himself up and supported himself with his elbows. Looking up at him, you could tell he was very close. His face was scrunched up and his mouth was agape. “I’m gonna cum. Fuck,” he muttered. As he looked down at you, you could see the lust and passion in his eyes. As he intently was locking eyes with you, he let out a low moan and came into the condom. 

Rolling off of the bed, he took the condom off and threw it in the trash. Laying next to you in bed, you were just heavily breathing while looking up at the ceiling. “Did you cum by any chance,” he asked.

“No but I don’t think that really matters right now,” you responded. Turning towards him, you moved yourself closer to him. “What matters is, what do we do now? I mean we fucked and I told you how I felt so,” you pondered.

Pulling you into his chest, he sighed. “Well, we have one of two options. Option one is that we never speak of tonight and we pretend we still hate each other. Or we could do the better option, which is to maybe see where things go between us?” he noted. Looking at him and his arms that were wrapped around you, you smiled.

“Ya know, I’m really liking option number two but can we add an option three to this?” you questioned.

“Which option would that be?” he asked.

Growing a huge smirk on your face, you pulled yourself on top of him and placed your hands on his chest. “I was thinking we see where things go but we also have round two.”

#jeff wittek smut #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek imgaines #vlog squad smut #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad imagines

[zeninw]

drabble abt working w jean as a lifeguard bc i'm one and i feel super socially awkward with my staff sometimes.

cw: sfw, not proofread, mentions of social anxiety, friends to lovers kinda, cliches, a hint of suggestiveness

wc: 1.7k

The wings you had ordered were no where near as good as you hoped they would be— and neither was the night out.

You wanted to have fun with your coworkers, even though most of the time you preferred to be along, but the night had dragged out far beyond your means.

The bar had gotten too loud, and your social battery had died an hour ago. You checked out from the group, pretending to be absorbed in your phone at the end of the table.

You couldn't leave, you had gotten a ride from a freind here, but all you wanted was to go home. The check was taking forever, people were screaming at some soccer game on the TV overhead, or in some conversation that didn't include you.

You felt so out of place, a feeling you dreaded and generally tried to avoid. Years of trying to make yourself more palatable to others, anxious about going out in social settings aside from your few best friends.

Out of excuses as to why you were 'so quiet' you ducked out to the bathroom, locking the door behind you and sitting on the counter.

It was a good half hour of you scrolling through instagram or whatever you could do to distract yourself before someone knocked on the door.

You sighed, realizing someone would have to use the bathroom eventually.

"One second," you called, hopping up and tucking your phone in your pocket.

You opened your door to find one of your male coworkers, and had to remind yourself that the singular bathroom was co-ed.

"Hey," Jean said, looking down at you. You expected him to step back so you could leave and he could enter, but he stayed stagnant, standing in your way. "You've been gone for a while, eat some bad food or something?" he asked.

You shook your head no. "I'm just tired. Waiting for my ride to be ready."

"I'm about to head out, if you wanna ride with me," he suggested, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder.

"Oh, I don't want you to have to go out of your way..." you trailed off, not wanting to be a hassle.

"It's no problem, really. I'm pretty sure we both live in Ocean Pines," he said, referring to your apartment complex.

"Okay," you agreed. "Thank you."

"No problem," he nodded, then turned on his heels. "I'm gonna tell Sash we're leaving, i'll meet you by the door."

You nodded, following him out of the narrow hallway that lead to the bathroom back out into the crowded resteraunt.

He nodded at you after talking to Sasha, then you followed him out. The air was a little cool, wet with humidity and a few clouds rolling in as you stepped outside.

He made you feel comfortable on the ride home, and waving goodbye as he took the elevator up one floor above yours.

He became someone you found it easy to gravitate towards, and calmed some of your nerves whenever you went out.

Jean was a gentle giant, and despite his size, he was never intimidating or overwhelming.

He sat with you the next friday night, like he had for the last three, at the bar. You tugged on the strap of your tank top, it was a summer job you were working  together, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.

"Are you old enough to be drinking that?" you said, referring to the alcohol in his hand.

"Nope, but when you're pretty and hang out with the managers, you don't get carded." You rolled your eyes. He wasn't wrong, but still. "I heard you had a save today," Jean said, taking a sip of his drink. The beer made his breath smell bready, leaving a bit of fizz on the top of his lip.

"Yeah," you said, reaching a hand out to his face. You wiped the residue off his cupid's bow with your thumb before leaning back. "A kid came off the slide and didn't really know how to swim."

"Your first one?" Jean asked.

"No, third," you answered, stealing a few fries from his basket. "One spinal from someone who decided to go off headfirst, one in the wave pool," you explained.

"You're lacking," Jean shook his head.

"Yeah, well, you've been working at the park a year longer than I have," you answered, taking more. He slid the basket over to you, leaning on the bar.

"Have you ever gone after hours?"

"Like... night swimming?"

"Yeah. I have a key, if you wanna go."

"Are you auditing me or something?"

"No— I'm serious. We won't get in any trouble." You looked around. "Look," he said, placing his hand on your shoulder. "All the other managers are here, drunk off their ass, and there are no cameras at the park."

You looked over to them, they were all sitting around a table red-faced and laughing, even levi and miche.

"Okay," you shrugged. "Why not."

The drive was about 5 minutes, and it was odd seeing the empty water park. No lights, no people, and Jean had to step into the office to turn all the slides on.

He climbed into the stand as you eased into the water, jumping off of it and in. He ran his hand through his hair as he came up, watching you tiptoe through the water.

"You're not gonna go under?" Jean asked, wading in the deep end of the pool.

"It's cold!" you yelled across the water, ducking under a rope barrier.

The two of you met in the middle where he could stand and you couldn't. You held onto his shoulders to keep yourself afloat, and it put you two closer than you would've expected.

His hands wrapped around your waist, and before you could protest, he dunked you underwater, getting your head wet.

"There," he said, picking you back up. You laughed, hitting him on the shoulder.

"Fuck you," you smiled.

"Wouldn't you like that," he teased, making you hit him again. The two of you stayed there for a moment, holding each other, before you pulled away.

"Let's ride something," you suggested. "Malibu pipeline is a two seater."

Jean agreed, following you to the stairs. The park was pretty big, and the black slide was nearly on the other side.

"This is why I hate working here sometimes," Jean sighed.

"What, the walking?"

"The stairs, specifically," he said, jogging up the wooden ones with you.

"I think it's worth it," you shrugged. "I've seen kids ride this over and over and they never seem to get tired from the climb."

"When I was twelve, maybe I could've," he said, reaching the top of the platform. The water was already running, and you put the tube down, sitting in the front. Jean got in behind you, wrapping his hands around your waist. "Ready?"

"Yep," you responded, and he pushed the two of you down.

It was a shorter ride than you remembered as a kid. "That was kinda underwhelming," you frowned, hopping out of the tube. "Also this swimsuit is so uncomfortable. I wish they would invest in better uniforms."

"Take it up with Erwin," Jean said,  making his way to the stairs with you. "But I think it looks great on you."

"Thank you," you replied. "You too."

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as you walked to the lazy river, grabbing a few tubes and getting in.

"This is nice," you sighed, leaning back as the water carried the two of you around. "It's quiet," you said, holding onto Jeans tube so the two of you could float together.

"It's my favorite place to come after close," he sighed. "Silence, besides the sound of the water," he nodded. You closed your eyes, listening to it.

You had no idea how many laps you had taken around by the time you opened your eyes, but it was at least 3.

"Are you—" you looked over to see that Jean wasn't there. "Jean?" you called looking around. You sat up on the tube from your laying position, looking around.  "Jean?" you called again.

It was silent for a few moments, before he jumped in the water, splashing you. It knocked you off your tube, and you could hear him laughing before you even came up from the water.

"Jesus, you scared me," you said, kicking him under the water. He just kept laughing and you swung at him, hitting his chest. "Ow," you said, shaking your hand out. Jean caught your wrist as you retracted it, pulling you closer to him.

"That hurt?" he smiled, tilting his head to the side.

"No," you lied, trying to pull your arm away from him, but he only tugged you closer. You tried with your left, but he caught that one too, holding both of your wrists in one hand.

"Aw, that's cute." You were at a loss for words, lips parting but nothing coming out.

"Is it?" you managed.

"Yeah," Jean said, using his other hand to pick you up by the back of your thighs.

You let him wrap your legs around his waist, exhaling as he did it. He leaned down towards you, eyes searching your face. He kissed you, just for a second, before pulling away.

“Jean—“

"Sorry," he said, pulling back but not letting go of you.

"Don't be," you said, resting your hands on his shoulders.

"I should be," he said. "Liking your coworker is— never a good idea."

"And you know this how"

"I don't know," he sighed, looking away from you. There was a crack of thunder. "Uh, we should get out," he said, putting you down on your feet.

"Yeah," you agreed, pushing yourself up on the wall.

There was silence on your walk back to the front of the park and Jeans car, and by the time you had pulled all your clothes back on, it had started to rain heavily.

"Jean," you said as you got in the car, escaping the rain."

"Yeah?" he responded. 

"For the record, I think it's worth it," you said, eyes flitting over his face before you pulled his to yours. Your lips met gently, and you could feel him smile against you as you pulled away.

"Me too."

#fanfic #aot season 4 #fluff #aot #jean kirschtien #jean kirschtein x you #jean kirschtein scenarios #jean fluff #sfw #work hubby #friends to lovers #jean kirschtein fluff #aot fluff #writers on tumblr #writing #fiction #lifeguard jean #lifeguard #work romance #cute #jean is a softie

[harringtonstudios]

you’re perfect.

plot: the famous life isn’t for everyone, sometimes the comments can get to you.

A/N: i got distracted while working on a request haha! let me know your feelings :) 

reminder: you are all beautiful the way you are, no matter what anyone says. there is inner beauty hiding in corners of your skin, and outer beauty glowing, lighting you up.

taglist: @iamdorka​ @no-shxt-sherl​ @bakerkells​ @lovemythsworld​ @rosegoldrichie​

Dating a celebrity came with its own struggles. You’d been with Machine Gun Kelly for almost a year now after meeting him through a mutual friend. It had all been surreal, you’d know this kid since high school and now he was playing guitar on stages with actual rockstars. He’d invited you to a recording session where he had introduced you to Kells.

It had been a rollercoaster after that, flying across the country to go on dates, sitting backstage at rock shows, getting to hang out with this generation’s greatest artists. You two had made it official after six months of the coolest dates you’d ever been on in your life. Honestly, half the time, you’d have preferred to sit on the couch and watching a shitty Netflix special, but you knew this was his lifestyle and you didn’t really mind. 

That was until the paparazzi started.There had been nights where both you and Kells had been fucked up, tripping on some kind of drug, trying to walk your way across the path to the Lyft you had ordered as people gathered around you shouting. Other days, you would be enjoying a bagel, laughing at Colson’s dumb jokes when a camera would come straight into your face, asking you about rumors. Once, you both had just left his house when three reporters had stopped you in your tracks, focusing their cameras on you as they started filming. Those days you would feel thrown into the spotlight, awkward in your skin, bees buzzing in your mind.

You had tried to get use to the ugly comments and the nasty posts that came with dating Colson. It was hard at first, trying not to search your name and see what came up. Sometimes you wouldn’t even have to search, people would tag your Instagram in posts, making fun of the way you looked on a certain night or criticizing your features. You didn’t really fit the criteria of being famous, a bit bigger than the models that usually walked around in LA, acne scars dotting your cheeks, frizzy hair usually flying around your head. 

In the beginning, it had gotten to you fast. People calling you talentless, spamming your comments with gold digger, theorizing on twitter that your relationship wasn’t real because why would Kells fuck with a girl like that? 

It had hurt, left you spiraling, spending days sitting next to Colson in the studio completely numb. You would just sit on the couch, scrolling through comments, trying not to let your insecurities get the best of you. The fans weren’t necessarily wrong, you didn’t have a special talent, you weren’t beautiful by any standards, and you had kinda just showed up out of nowhere. 

-

Sipping on the coffee Colson had bought you this morning, your eyes widened as you stopped at a particular comment. The user had typed it in all caps, screaming through the screen about your weight. It was on a picture Colson had taken of you, sitting in a bathtub, bubbles sitting on top of your head. You read the comment once, twice and then suddenly your phone was being taken out of your hands. 

“Baby, I asked if you wanted to go on a walk with me?” Colson repeated, looking down at you while loosely holding your phone in his hands. 

“Uhm, yeah,” you mumbled, reaching up to grab it.

“Nope, this is a no-phone walk,” he responded, turning around to put your phone down on the table. As soon as he lifted the screen up to his face, you grimaced knowing he was going to see the comment you’d been looking at for the past five minutes. 

“Wait, what the fuck,” he murmured, running his thumb over the screen. “Who the fuck wrote this,” he scoffed, turning back around towards you. 

“It’s not important. C’mon let’s go on this walk,” you responded, trying to smile as you got off the couch. 

“Nah, we’re not going anywhere till I find out who’s been talking shit about you online,” he said, plopping himself down on the couch. 

“Cols, it’s not that serious. I mean it, I don’t even read that shit,” you tried to distract him, extending your hand out to get him back up. 

He gave you a look over your phone screen, and you could see the anger brimming in his eyes. You sighed, sitting down next to him. You two weren’t going anywhere soon. 

Kicking off your shoes, you pulled your legs under you, shifting to face him. “I just get a couple of mean comments every now and then. People hate on things they can’t have, you know?” you tried to rationalize, watching him scroll through your comments. 

“Baby. These aren’t just a few. What the fuck, why didn’t you say anything,” he looked up straight at you, and you looked down at your lap trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Cause I mean they’re not wrong,” you muttered under your breath. 

“What?” he questioned, leaning down lower to catch your eyes again. 

“Nothing, what would have happened if I told you huh? You would have beat up the big, bad bullies? Newsflash, not everyone is going to just fucking love you,” you bit out, voice cracking as you tried to fight through the feeling in your throat. You didn’t want to cry, not here in his studio. 

He was quiet for a beat, then two and you bit your lip, knowing you had fucked this up. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that,” you mumbled out before continuing, “they’re just internet trolls. I’m really trying not to let it get to me. I’m trying hard, but some people are just mean and I can’t fix that.” 

He cleared his throat and then you could feel his arm wrapping around you, pulling you closer. You moved in, shifting so that you were pressed up against his side. Your head rested right around his shoulder, and he softly pulled at your hand. You could see your fingers shaking just a little and you were so tired of letting everything get to you, so you closed your eyes, letting your head fall back. His fingers intertwined with yours and you could feel him rubbing at your knuckles. 

“You’re fucking perfect. Everything I’ve ever wanted and needed in my life. There’s nobody else I’d rather be with,” he spoke into your ear. 

Your eyes were still closed, but you felt a blush rise on your cheeks as he continued. 

“All these flaws they comment on? I love them all. You’re just so real, realer than anyone I’ve met in this city.” 

You felt his fingers touch your chin, slightly tilting your face to see his. Opening your eyes, you saw the clarity in his blues. 

“I think I love you,” you blurted out, eyes widening when you realized what had just fell out of your mouth. He let out a little laugh, and you could feel yourself turning even more red, burning up. 

“C’mere,” he mumbled, squeezing your hips a little, pulling you even closer. He kissed you, hand resting on your warm cheek, stroking his thumb back and forth as you kissed back. The words sat unspoken between you. He wouldn’t say it yet, you knew it, but you could feel something loosely resembling love as he pushed into the kiss, breaking off only to kiss your forehead. 

“Why don’t we show these haters something,” he muttered, moving his hips up so that he could get his phone out of his back pocket. 

“Ayo, Rook, bring your ass here,” he shouted, and you heard a cymbal crash followed by the studio door opening. You laughed as Rook showed up, beanie skewed on his head. 

“Take a coupla picture of us,” Kells instructed, throwing his phone up in the air. Rook caught it and then you were being lifted onto Colson’s lap. 

“Hmm?” you whispered, as he placed both his hands on your hips. 

“Kiss me,” he responded back, smirking and you smiled. Kissing him softly, you cupped his face in your hands. You could hear the sound of Rook taking pictures in the background and you couldn’t help but laugh just a little as your lips met Colson’s. 

“Get a room fuckheads,” Rook shouted before lobbing the phone back your way. It hit the couch and you broke the kiss off, reaching for it. Before you could get it, Colson grabbed it, laughing as he looked at his camera gallery. 

“Holy shit, these are GOLD,” he barked out, swiping. 

“Lemme see,” you reached out your hand, trying to get a glimpse. 

“Nope, you just have to wait,” he winked as he opened up the Instagram app. A part of you tremored with the anxiety of it all, you got enough hate without being publicly posted on his social media, but another part of you was excited, knowing that no matter what you had Colson on your side. 

A minute later, he nudged your shoulder with your phone and smiled as you took it off his hands. Going on Instagram, you went to his profile. Laughing, you clicked on the picture he had posted. Your hands were on him, focused on kissing. One of his hands was wrapped around you, while the other flipped the camera off. The caption read, “None of y'all got anything on her.” 

You liked the photo before grinning at him. “You’re my knight in shining armor,” you said in a mocking tone, raising your hands to your chest, posing. 

“Well then princess, let’s go slay the dragon,” he responded before picking you up. 

“Colson, wait, my shoes,” you shouted, laughing as he brought you to the door. 

Everyone needed a little reassurance sometimes, and your goofy boyfriend knew exactly how to cheer you up. There was nothing better than this and your heart beamed at the pure love you felt from him. Flaws and all, you had something special here and you had never felt this happy before.

#feeling insecure lately so i decided let's play around #mgk imagine #mgk icons #mgk lyrics #mgk fanfic #mgk fanfiction #mgk x reader #colson baker #colson baker x reader #colson baker fanfiction #colson baker imagine #colson baker fanfic #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly fanfiction #machine gun kelly fanfic #rookxx #rook #m writes 4 mgk #m-writes-4-mgk

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #360

“we are the ones that wanna play  /  always wanna go, but you never wanna stay”

"Crawling" or "In The End?" I want to say "Crawling," but I really can't be sure. Both are bomb. Is your window open? No. Monsters Inc. or Shrek? Shrek, my man. What did you last hear that made your jaw drop? Jason's mom died. What is the longest shower or bath you have ever taken? I remember as kids, Nicole and I would sometimes play 'til Mom made us finish because the water was cold by then. As an adult, idk about my longest shower. Do you have a preference of chocolate? Yeah, milk chocolate. Is there anyone you’d like to hug right now? Yeah. Could you ever picture someone writing a biography about you? Definitely not. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Do you shut off the computer when you’re done using it? No, I just close it. Do you usually catch a cold during the winter? No. I just about never get sick. Are you a good multi-tasker? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Is there a door knocker on your front door? No. Were you ever into Pokémon? Bitch I still am. Do you drink a lot of water? Sigh, no. I'm definitely better than I used to be, though; once upon a time, I literally never drank it unless I was extremely hot and dehydrated. Nowadays, it's usually after I finish my soda for the day that I then only drink water, normally around one full tall cup of it. Do you like fireworks? They're beautiful, but I'm personally against them out of respect for veterans suffering from PTSD as well as animals, because I'm not exactly interested in traumatizing them, either. Is respect given or earned with you? It's given, the way I think it should be. Are you “in the closet” about anything? No. Are you missing any teeth? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I've never gotten into it and am not really interested in doing so. What was or will be your first tattoo? It's a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. Sometimes I've thought about getting it covered with a cooler design but the same concept; it was literally from Google, and I'm very much not into "sharing" tattoo designs with probably thousands of other people. But, I still think it really is cute, and it's just very special to me as my first, so idk. Do you have any tattoos dedicated to someone special? I have one written in Sara's handwriting inside a heart, and my "ohana" tattoo that I am 100% getting covered was dedicated to my former best friend Colleen. I've talked before about why "ohana" has never really resonated with me, and I just don't like it anymore at all. Thank God it's small. Do you like ghost stories? Oh HELL yeah, lay 'em on me. What was your favorite movie as a kid? The Lion King. Some things never change, ha. Do you own a lot of cookbooks? Mom has looooots, but never uses any. I think her mom gave them to her, so she just keeps 'em. What’s your father’s handwriting like? It looks like every other man's handwriting I've ever seen lol. All the letters are capitalized. Did you wash your hair last time you showered? I wash my hair every time I shower. I have to with it naturally being so oily. What does your shampoo smell like? Coconut. Do you listen to Guns N' Roses? Not a lot, but yeah. They've got some bangers. I actually want "Sweet Child O' Mine" to be the father/daughter dance at my wedding. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? Yeah, at my sister's wedding. What was the last video game that you beat? I replayed Silent Hill 2 a long time ago. Have you ever hyperventilated? Yep. Do you talk in your sleep? I scream in my sleep. Nightmares/terrors are a blast. Whose house did you last sleep over? Sara's. Have you ever been cut by scissors? No. Do you like peaches? It's odd, I like canned sliced peaches, but the actual, full fruit, I don't. I love peach flavored juice, though. Do you enjoy being surrounded by neighbors, or would you be more comfortable someplace secluded? Take me back to the middle of nowhere, please. I'm really not digging being in an actual neighborhood. Is there any sibling rivalry between you and your siblings, if you have any? Not at all. Do you usually root for the good guys or the bad guys? Ha, the baddies... Are you allowed to have pets at your house? We're allowed to have what we currently own and then maybe one dog if Mom finally finds one. Have you ever lived in a trailer park? No. Is there anyone that you know through the internet that you would feel comfortable meeting in person? There's quite a few, actually! Have you ever had a dream involving characters from a game/movie/television show? Yeah. What’s the last thing you wrote down? My signature, I think? Do you remember any phone numbers from years ago that now belong to someone you don’t know? No. Have you ever found something strange in your mailbox? No. Who was the last relative that came to visit you? My half-sister and her husband. Does your bedding all match? Not currently. Are you more comfortable with having short hair or long hair? SHORT. Are you interested in fantasy movies/shows? That's my preference. Have you ever gone whale-watching? No, but that'd be dope. What is something that you have a large amount of? Meerkat plushies. Who is it that you’re in love with? Nobody. Have you ever gotten love and infatuation confused? No. Do you have a steady income? No. Do you take your medications in the morning or at night? Both. Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? No, I wish. :( Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? MILK. I don't eat it with water. When was the last time you ran into someone that you didn’t want to see? Idk. Have you ever tried vlogging, and if yes, did you stick with it? Noooo, I'm completely disinterested in doing that myself. If you go to church, what is your favorite thing about it? I don't go. Even as a kid when Mom made me, I hated it. ^and what is your least favorite thing about it? N/A What do you do for exercise? I don't. .-. I want a pool SO badly to swim and strengthen my legs without having to worry about sweating or collapsing, though. Mom says we don't have space, but we definitely do. Not a lot, but enough. Do you have a birthmark? If yes, what color is it? Yeah, it's just a bit darker than the rest of my skin. Do you need to lose weight? Yes. My sister, Mom, and I very recently started a Weight Watchers subscription and we're all working our asses off to stick to it. Ash has already lost like, 12 pounds (she started before Mom and me), so I'm kinda hopeful. Have you ever had a cat? Growing up, after we took in a stray female, we ended up with a fucking empire of cats, literally around three dozen, I'd say. They were all outdoors, too, and not fixed because we couldn't afford it, so tomcats would come around and, y'know, make matters worse. Eventually, animal control took them all and I was DEVASTATED, but looking back, I understand it was necessary. Anyway, I have one cat now. Indoors and fixed and the prince of my world, haha. Have you ever had a dog? We've had a few. I was born with my dad having a collie named Trigger, but I don't remember her at all; she died of old age I believe when I was very young. Then we briefly had a pup named Angel, but she died due to that disease some puppies just have. We didn't get another dog until Teddy, who was my Christmas present, and he was put to sleep only last year, rest my baby's soul. We also had Dale, Cali, Delilah, and Bentley. Have you ever any other kind of animal? A LOT. I'm probably going to forget some, but we've had hamsters, rats, snakes, fish, a turtle, two lizards, gerbils, guinea pigs... just a lot. Animals have always been very important in my life. Have you ever had a pet rock? HA, yeah. I didn't take it seriously at all, but I had one. When was the last time you painted something? Not since my Painting course in my final college attempt. Do you have any disabilities? Not in the traditional sense, no. My social anxiety though is at such a severity that it majorly infringes upon my ability to do a LOT of things, though. What are five of your favorite stores at the mall? I couldn't name five. Just Hot Topic and Spencer's, really. What season do you want to get married in? AUTUMN. The actual dream situation would be to get married in the snow in a black dress, like can you IMAGINE the pictures, but realistically, it'd be in the fall to avoid the biting cold. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yeah. Anything special planned for today? Nope. Blue or green? Blue. How much older/younger than you was the person you lost your virginity to? He's two years older than me. Do you still care for that person? Very much. Can you completely annihilate the first Mario game in less than an hour? I haven't even played the first game. I've never really been into the games to begin with. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes! I was OOOOOBSESSEEEEEED as a kid. I would usually play it after school when my mom was an assistant teacher and was finishing up her work for the day. Have you ever contemplated climbing a water tower? Uh, no. Those kind of people got some wanderlust levels that I ain't got, haha. If you have a Facebook, when was the last time you changed your profile picture? It's been a few months. Would you ever marry someone who was lower class? Um, yes? You can deny it all you want, but answering "no" is pretty much the same as saying you'd marry for money. Is there a guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? ugh Which do you prefer: English or math? English, by light years. Who is a singer that has given you chills? David Draiman's voice in the Disturbed cover of "Sound of Silence" is fucking haunting. Greatest cover of all time. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I did when Sharon was a judge. Do you think you could win America’s Got Talent? Hell no. What act would you perform in a talent show? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Have you ever practiced yoga? Yes. I used to be BANGIN at it. What is your favorite thing to buy at the Farmer’s Market? Fruit! Do you get carsickness? No. What color is the rim of your full-length mirror? Black. What is your state’s bird (if you live in the US)? Cardinal. Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? I'm a sucker for ballgown dresses. Do you enjoy editing videos? I used to love it, for many many years. Now, I just don't have the dedication or motivation to. Do you enjoy editing photos? Yes. If you gave birth, do you think you would want it filmed? Um, absolutely not. I would have NO desire to look back on me shrieking my lungs out and essentially dying. I handle abdominal pain very poorly, so I've got a goooood feeling that if I actually wanted to have kids, I'd be that woman screeching like a banshee.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''aerials'' by system of a down

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Elliot x reader where the reader and Elliot work together and at one point are kinda forced to make small talk and at first it's really awkward and embarrassing and just ANXIETY but as they kinda keep the conversation going forcefully they sorta relate to each other (ok thanks I love your writing happy late St Patrick's day 💚☘️)

I LOVE THIS REQUEST. And I LOVE YOU, Anon 💚

“Alderson. Y/L/N. I want you to run penetration tests on Friday’s network patches. Shouldn’t take you more than a day or two, depending on what you find.”

The sterile-white meeting room suddenly felt about 10 degrees hotter than it had a moment ago, and when you moved your hands from the table to your lap, you noticed the remnants of a foggy imprint left behind on the cool surface. You swiped at it, hoping no one noticed, least of all your new partner.

No one wanted to get paired up or put on a team with Elliot Alderson.

He was quiet, sometimes twitchy, always unapproachable, and went out of his way to take up an indiscriminate amount of space in the office. Granted, you weren’t a social butterfly, but you did say your required good-mornings and good-nights, understanding that this was a social expectation and if you adhered to it, people accepted you. Acceptance was nice. It was normal.

So, you played the game, but only when you left the office behind did you really breathe. You knew that it generally took about 30 minutes, door to door, before you were home in your quiet, cozy apartment, wrapped up in what you called your “introvert’s paradise.”

You often wondered if Elliot was the same. Well, you knew he definitely was not the same considering the great lengths he went to avoid human interaction, which led you to believe there was a lot more going on behind those grey eyes than he’d care to let anyone know.

Ah! And there was the rub.

Elliot Alderson may have been strange, but he was attractive.

During these meetings, you always found yourself wishing for something that later made you feel guilty—you wanted him to talk. It was obvious he hated to speak in front of any gathering larger than, well, 0, but you couldn’t help yourself. You hoped your boss would need his input, which he often did. Another thing everyone knew was that Elliot Alderson was the smartest person in the room.

Yet another reason why your palms were now sweaty as you gathered up your laptop, notebook, and pen and chased after Elliot.

He was always the first one to leave a meeting.

By the time you crossed the office, Elliot was already settled at his computer, his fingers working to push in his earbuds. Before he could get the left-side in, you appeared in his line of vision.  

He stared at you, his lips parted, and had you known better, you would have thought he was a statue, perhaps a modern art piece, titled: “Startling Your Co-Worker in the Age of Digital Communication.”

You weren’t expecting him to be completely unaccepting of your presence, but maybe he wasn’t even listening during the meeting.

“Hi, Elliot.”

After several heartbeats passed and you were bordering into the territory of awkward, he lowered his left earbud and said, “Hi.”

Nothing. He wasn’t going to say anything else.

Alright, the conversation would have to be carried entirely by you.

“Uh, so … the penetration tests?”

Elliot looked at you like he had never seen you before—and maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t even know your name. You had never worked on a project together before, but you had talked during meetings. You passed each other in the elevator, around the office—an office of only about 25 people.

Again, nothing.

“Listen—do you, like, even know who I am?”

Elliot blinked, his large grey eyes disappearing for a moment, and in that moment, you felt a sense of relief. Making eye contact with Elliot was like being scanned by the TSA.

“Y/N,” Elliot answered, his voice low and flat. “You—”

And then he cut himself off, his mouth snapping shut as his eyes scanned your face before settling on the edge of his desk.

“Okaaay,” you said slowly. “First name basis, established. Were you paying attention during the meeting? I mean, I zone out sometimes, too, because Gary’s an asshole, but he assigned us to—”

“Run penetration tests on Friday’s patches,” Elliot said in a mumbled rush.

“Right. Yes. So, I guess you’re the master of penetration—oh my god,” you said as a blush of mortification crept up your neck.

As soon as the words, “master of penetration,” left your mouth, Elliot looked up and his eyes had doubled in size while his lips once again parted. He pulled his lower lip in, biting at it before he swallowed, watching you with what you could have sworn was amusement.

Amusement … or pity.

“I meant that everyone knows you are the best white hat here,” you said slowly so as not to put your gigantic foot back in your idiotic mouth. “It would be foolish for me to look for the vulnerabilities when you are the better hacker.”

“Okay,” came Elliot’s monotone answer.

Okay?!? your mind was screaming. Not a giggle, not a ha-ha-ha, Y/N, I understood what you meant, no big, break the ice, let’s be friends.

Nope.

Just … Okay.

It was clear that Elliot was going to do absolutely nothing to quell your anxiety, so fuck the attempts at small-talk.

With a determined raise of your chin, you sat down next to Elliot and opened your laptop. You could feel him shift a little away from you, and you tried not to take offense. There was already enough space to fit two people between you, but if he wanted more, okie-fucking-dokie.

“Go ahead and remotely access my laptop, I’ll split screen so I can watch you code while I document the data. Just tell me when you find a flaw so I’m sure not to miss anything.”

Before you had even finished speaking, your screen was mirroring Elliot’s. You quickly split the screen and got a doc ready to record the data.

You looked over at Elliot who had his fingers poised over the keyboard; he was peripherally watching you, so as soon as he saw you glance at him, he started working.

Time passed slowly, awkwardly as you sat side-by-side without saying a word. At first, there really was no need to talk, you figured, but normally, most people needed a break from their screen to at least stretch and blink.

Apparently, Elliot was more robot than man.

“Hey!” you said, making Elliot jump, his keystrokes faltering.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” you said, embarrassed again.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders and went back to typing, but you weren’t done.

“Well, wait a minute,” you said, his keystrokes faltering again.

“You found and fixed a flaw without telling me—that was the first one, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the point of me documenting is that we, ya know, talk about it.”

“Why?”

You turned your body toward him and blinked a few times.

“Because … we have to put this in layman’s terms for the analyst? Didn’t you ever wonder what the next step was after the penetration and documentation?”

“No,” Elliot said, finally turning a quick glance in your direction.

“Give me a second,” you said, quickly typing in your document.

Elliot stayed perfectly still, his fingers hovering over his keyboard.

“Alright—read over this and make sure it’s correct.”

Elliot glanced at you again before scooting in his chair about an inch closer in your direction. You suppressed a laugh and turned your laptop toward him so he could more easily see.

Then, Elliot chuckled. The most ridiculous excuse for a laugh huffing out of his mouth for a nanosecond before he snapped it shut again.

“What?”

“You misspelled ‘penetration.’”

You furrowed your brows and slid your laptop closer and a small laugh bubbled up from your throat.

“Good god,” you said through your giggle. “I blame you for that.”

Elliot shrugged his shoulders, but you caught the faintest hint of an upturn of his lips. It couldn’t be called a smile, much like his laugh couldn’t be called a laugh, but it was something human.

You resumed your work, but this time Elliot did pause when he found a flaw. Communication became easier and you found that the workday was starting to fly by.

“Hey! Did you see that?” you interrupted, but this time you didn’t startle him.

“See what?”

You reversed the direction of the code and watched as the screen recreated the last few lines Elliot had run.

“There!”

“Shit … I mean. Shoot,” Elliot said, flustered. “I missed it.”

You chuckled, “See? I’m not as dumb as you think I am.”

Elliot stopped and turned his chair toward you, his intense gaze locking your eyes onto his.

“I don’t think you’re dumb.”

You rolled your eyes and said through a shy smile, “Of course you do. You’re Elliot Alderson. God of hacking.”

Elliot tilted his head, almost like a dog when it was listening to its owner.

“God of hacking?”

You turned your chair to face him, your expression serious.

“You’re the most intimidating person in this office, Elliot.”

“That’s a nice way to say people don’t like me.”

“People just don’t know you. You’re . . . ” you trailed off, unsure if this was a conversation Elliot wanted to have, but he was still looking at you, eyes focused and head slightly tilted.

“You don’t say good-morning … or good-night. You don’t speak unless spoken to. It’s like,” you paused for a moment to think, “it’s like you run a different daily program than everyone else.”

“Oh,” he said, his eyes falling and his hands smoothing over his thighs, rubbing back and forth in a repetitive, nervous motion.

You reached out to comfort him and just with the tip of your finger on the top of his hand, you pressed for no longer than a second.

Elliot looked up at you.

“Try it sometime. Say good-morning. I’ll even let you practice on me,” you said with a sweet smile.

And, to this day, you’ll never forget that Elliot smiled back. And when he smiled, you felt your heart flutter. He wasn’t just a good-looking guy—he was beautiful.

“Ready to run some more tests?” you asked, feeling shy all over again but for an entirely different reason.

“I am the god of penetration,” Elliot deadpanned, his lips quirking into a grin as you groaned, but suddenly turning to correct him.

“I said master of penetration.”

“I know,” said Elliot, his voice containing the smallest hint of coquettish laughter.

Your mouth popped open in surprise before you shut it, shaking your head and grinning to yourself.  

#Elliot Alderson #elliot alderson x reader #mr robot fanfiction #elliot alderson fanfiction

[marvinswriting]

stupid social experiment

Disclaimer: there is no logic and this would not happen in real life but its a shrink fic and those are never quite logical are they..... anyway be ready for frustrating levels of inaccuracy, I'm sorry Tw: it's a long fic, a lot happens, there's a bunch. D slur, shots, falling, fainting, extreme fear, the usual

minimal to no mean girls knowledge needed for this fic

This was bound to be stupid as fuck.

Northshore doesn't get picked for anything good.

So this "social experiment" was going to be boring. 

Calling it now.

We don't even know what it's about. Parents know. They signed a bunch of forms.

We don't know who is running it, what they're trying to study, any of it.

If it's just a Here's What You Do episode I'm dropping out of high school.

"Janis!" An arm wraps around my shoulder and I turn to see Damian. 

"Hey," I show him the slip of paper I was handed. "I've been randomly selected for the experiment. Why are they calling it an experiment? What is it?! What are they going to do to me?" I flop against Damian dramatically and he laughs.

"Jan, your mom signed off on whatever it's about. I'm sure you're fine."

"Well, I hope so. Because they want me in the library right now."

Damian tsks. "I'll either see you at lunch or the next period if it takes too long."

I nod. "Right."

Damian squeezes my shoulder before breaking away, heading to the lunchroom. "Love you!"

"Love you too." I mumble, making way to the library.

There's a teacher outside, keeping watch, and all windows to the libraries are covered.

A pit forms in my stomach.

Whats this experiment about that requires so much secrecy.

"Hello, Janis." The teacher nods. She's a short English teacher I had last year. 

Hated her, she never let Damian and I sit together.

"The library is closed today, I'm sorry."

"I'm here for the-" My voice falters as I lift the paper. "Thing."

She nods, opening the door.

The library is filled with students and people I've never seen before. There's a cloth creating a barrier from the entrance to the library and the back, with students and workers walking in and out.

"Hey, love!" There is a lady at the main desk who I've never seen before. Definitely not a librarian. "Can I get you checked in?"

"Yeah, Uh- what's this all about?"

"Surprise." The lady says with a wink. "Name?"

"Janis, Sarkisian. S-A-R-K-I-S-I-A-N."

"Alrighty, Janis. Height and grade?"

Height and grade?!

Why hight?

"I- uh, senior. And 5'10?"

"Lovely. You can go right back and sit in one of those chairs while you wait."

I frown but walk over to the clump of chairs anyway.

Aaron Samuels sat in one of the chairs to the far right. He gave me a slight nod before looking away.

Whatever.

Better than how most people treated space dyke.

The curtain behind me pulled back revealing Regina Geroge walking through.

 I instantly looked to the ground, avoiding all eye contact.

Revenge party was last year. Yeah, we both apologized, but that didn't make us friends.

Nowhere near, actually. 

"Coco, Sarkisian, and Samuels?" A professional doctor person pulled back the curtain, calling names off a clipboard. A couple of us got up, walking back.

My heart was pounding out of anxiety and curiosity.

I hated being on camera. Were they gonna interview me?

"Please sit down for your shots?"

"Our what?" Aaron asked.

"You mean a photo, right?" Somebody called from behind me.

"No, like the quick pinch with a needle. You may each take a seat."

I froze.

No.

Nope.

Nu-uh.

"I don't do- needles." I say, stepping backward.

The doctor sighed. "A fear of needles is normal, I'll make it quick."

Why do we need shots for a social experiment?

"You can find somebody else." I say, shaking my head. "I'm not kidding. I kicked a nurse once."

The doctor just chuckled, guiding me to a chair. "Relax, deep breaths, it won't be too bad."

I wanted to scream and cry, thrash around because what the fuck has my mom signed me up for- but I can't do that in the fucking high school library.

Instead, I let the "doctor" clean my arm, scrunching my eyes tight and cringing.

I flinch when I feel a pinch in my arm, followed by a quick tap with a bandaid.

"All done. See? Not so bad."

Debatable.

"What was that?" I ask, getting up.

The doctor smiled. "All part of the social experiment."

Don't I have the right to fucking know what's just been injected into me?

Did I just get a heroin addiction?

Shane Madej’s fears seem a lot more relevant now.

The doctor hands me a lollipop. "Only for the best patients."

I frown, but take it anyway.

One weird social experiment.

-

"A shot?" 

"A shot."

Janis had just joined Damian and I at the lunch table, telling us about the social experiment.

"They gave me a butterscotch lollipop. I don't even like butterscotch!" Janis whined. "Want it, Cady?"

I shake my head. "I'm good."

"Damian?"

The boy takes the lollipop without hesitation. "But you hate shots."

"I do. I'm surprised I didn't puke."

"No kicking the nurse?"

"No."

"This is good!" Damian grinned. "A big step."

"There's gotta be a law about injecting people with random needles and not telling them." I say.

Janis just shook her head. "You would think so."

-

"Regina!" Gretchen ran up to me. "Any updates about that shot you got?"

I shrug. "No Gretch. And it's been a week. I doubt anything is going to happen."

I've been going into the library every day to get my vitals rechecked. 

No changes.

Some social experiment.

Gretchen nodded. "Well then if you're up for it, maybe we could throw a party this weekend?"

I shrugged. "Let's ask Karen about it at lunch."

Gretchen nodded, typing away in her phone. "Let's go to the cafeteria."

I nod, turning on my heels and stepping away from the locker. 

My limbs feel funny, like tv static all over.

Not painful and nowhere near enough to be concerning, but- odd.

-

"Aaron, you need to pay attention." I scold. 

"Cady, my head hurts. Can we take a small break." Aaron shakes his head. "I don't know what's up with me." It's Aaron and I's lunch period and while Aaron is great, I would much rather spend it with Janis and Damian right now.

I sigh. "Sure. Let me know when you feel better." 

Aaron nods, taking a sip of his water. I look back down to my notes trying to prepare what to do next.

I can hear Aaron place his water bottle back down, letting out a pitiful moan.

"Aaron, if you really feel sick maybe it's best you go ho-" I look up but Aaron isn't there anymore. "Aaron?"

-

Damian and I walked through the halls idly. It was almost the end of our lunch period and we didn't really have anywhere to be. 

"Dame, my head is pounding." I groan. 

Everything felt off. It started small- a minor headache that formed last period, but now everything hurt. I felt nauseous, my head may explode, my limbs felt heavy, and my vision was swarming.

Damian took no pity in me. "This is what three all-nighters in a row does to you Jan. I love you and I wish I could help, you should have gone to bed last night when I told you too."

"Something tells me this isn't lack of sleep." I mumble, looking down. My vision had fully become a swarm of grey haze.

"You got sick because of a shity immune system because of lack of sleep."

He doesn't believe me. 

I mean, he shouldn't.

He's right, I have a history of bad habits getting me sick.

But,

"Damian that's not-" I take a shuddering breath and stop walking. My entire body feels numb and broken. "That's not it."

Was this death?

It ached to the point of sharp pain.

"C'mon Jan." I could faintly hear Damian keep walking over a harsh ringing in my ears.

"I- ah-"

My knees were buckling, everything burned. Why does it burn? 

I could vaguely feel my knees hit the cold tile before I felt nothing.

Not that it lasted long.

Or maybe it did.

I fucking passed out.

My vision was blurry as I peered down at the tile. The ring in my ear was fading but my body still had an overall ache. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to lift my head. 

I just wanted to lay back down.

But- 

The bell was gonna ring and seeing space dyke just lying on her stomach probably was just gonna get me teased.

I sit up, ignoring the way my stomach twists and look up-

-what the fuck?

What the fuck what the fuck what the fresh ever-loving godsend of a fuck?

Even through the blurry haze covering my vision, I could tell something was wrong.

The lockers in front of me were big.

Not big, fucking huge.

The other set of lockers I had pushed myself against were the same. The tiles underneath me weren't an exception. 

The entire hallway was hu-

No.

I've seen the movies.

I know where this goes.

I'm just really small.

Somehow- that realization didn't sit much better with me.

My stomach twists again as I look down.

Maybe I was still passed out?

Was this a weird hallucination?

Something deep down told me that wasn't the case.

"Janis?"

I freeze. 

My breath feels caught in my throat.

I know that voice.

It's loud and echoes through the halls, but I know that voice.

I don't raise my head, I don't think I can physically bring myself to move, to react, to respond. 

I'm frozen. Maybe it's fear, maybe its denial that this is actually happening.

From my peripheral vision, I can see sneakers a couple feet away.

Giant fucking sneakers.

Too close.

Too big.

I know who owns a pair like that.

I force myself to look up slowly, ignoring the dull thump in my head.

Damian stood a little further down the hall at his full height.

How I should be right now.

He looked down at me with wide eyes, probably having the same moment I'm having. 

Everything is so big.

Except for me.

Oh god.

My throat is dry and if feels like air isn't properly getting to my lungs as it should. 

Damian, my best friend, who was tall normally, now quite literally towered over me. 

Neither of us said anything.

Neither of us moved.

My brain was still trying to process the situation.

This had to be a weird fucking dream.

Right?

Damian was right, I need more sleep, so my body forced shut down and now I've got a nightmare.

Right?

My mind thinks back to the shot I got Monday. Five days later and nothing changed- until now.

Was this-

Was this part of the experiment?

"Hey, Jan?" Damian's voice is soft, but that doesn't make it quiet.

To me, at least.

"Are you okay?"

I don't respond. I can't bring myself to. I'm frozen.

I'm tiny.

I've been shrunken and now I'm in the middle of a giant ass high school hallway, unmoving.

What the fuck?

What the fuck.

"The bell is gonna ring. You can't just sit there." Damian talks again.

I give a small nod, not really paying attention.

How could I? 

I was four inches tall- at most.

The world that was normally just scary was now big and scary.

I look back down to the floor underneath me. I can't look up, I don't want to look up.

This was just a weird fucking dream.

It had to be.

"Jan-" Damian's voice is full of worry.

My total silence probably isn't helping.

There's movement out of the corner of my eye as Damian steps forward.

"No!" 

My head snaps up as I push myself back.

Damian freezes, visibly surprised by the sudden outbursts.

"Please. Just- not yet. I-" I look at my hand that pressed onto the ground. It's so small compared to the pattern in the tile. 

I'm so small.

I bite my lip, trying not to cry. It'd be stupid to cry. Crying won't fucking fix this.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I know Damian can't hear it. I don't look back at him. 

I don't want to see the hurt and worry on his face.

Stupid fucking social experiment.

Damian knelt down but it didn't help. 

Everything was so big. 

What the fuck. 

"Jan?" His voice was softer this time. "You okay?" 

I gazed up at him, he looked as scared as I felt. But- so tall. 

"I'm-" My voice trails off. What do you say in this circumstance? 

The hell if I were to know. Damian frowns. 

"The bell is gonna ring, Janis. We gotta get you somewhere."

I push myself further against the wall. 

I knew what he was implying.

I'd have to move.

He'd have to pick me up.

This was Damian. He wouldn't hurt me. 

But I'm so small. 

What if something happened? 

What if I fell? 

"Janis," I can hear the stress in Damian's voice. "I'm not gonna touch you unless you say okay. But- we're running out of time here."

I rub my hands up and down my fishnets nervously. "O-okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." I push myself off the locker, taking a deep breath.

It's just Damian, it's just Damian, it's just Damian.

Damian leans forward slowly, like he was scared to set me off again. 

Everything about seeing a giant hand reach for me set off so many alarm bells in my head but I tried not to let it show.

It's just Damian, it's just Damian, it's just Damian.

I force myself to look away as his hand gently scoops me up from behind.

Woah.

That's-

-different.

Damian sits back on his heels, bringing his other hand to cup underneath me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I- thanks." 

I've held Damian's hand before, quite often actually. But I've never been held in Damian's hand before.

It was weird.

Like, when he moved, my body felt a little delayed. I was hyper-aware of the slightest shifts. 

"I'm gonna get up now." Damian warns me. 

He shifts me gently into one hand and holds it closer to his chest as he sits up.

I grab onto his fingers at the sudden change in altitude. It was only a couple feet but it left me a little nauseated. 

Damian freezes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry just-"

"Don't apologize." Damian says softly.

I know he's scared, maybe even as terrified as me. But I'm not sure how to comfort him. 

I fit in his hand. 

I can hardly do much.

"I'm gonna find an empty classroom, okay?"

"Alright." I don't let go of his finger as he begins walking, pulling me closer. 

-

"Regina, please calm down"

"Calm down?! Gretchen did you just tell me to calm down?! I am the size of a Crayola Crayon and your gonna tell me to calm the fuck down?!"

Gretchen blinked at me, her mouth agape.

I groaned, placing my head in my hands. One minute I'm sitting at my lunch table complaining of a headache, the next I'm passed out on the lunch table.

"You're kinda cute at this size. Like a doll." Karen smiled. 

"Well, I'm not supposed to be a doll, Karen!"

I didn't seem to be the only person in the cafeteria having this issue. The entire room was just general panic all around.

"Regina, I know your upset but please don't stand so close to the edge of the table-" 

I look back to Gretchen just in time to see a hand reach for me.

"Stop!" I hold my hands out defensively, taking like seven steps backward. 

Gretchen's hand falls back into her lap and she stares at me wide-eyed. "Regina I'm sorry, I just-"

"I don't need your help." I say through gritted teeth. 

I feel pathetic for getting freaked over a hand. Gretchen's hand no less.

There were tears in my eyes and my heart was pounding. 

This is embarrassing.

"Are you crying?"

"No, Karen. I'm not."

"Gretchen, I think she's crying."

I can't help but laugh at the blonde in front of me. It's a short, bitter laugh, but it's a laugh.

Karen seems to take this as a win as she hums contently, turning back to her phone.

Gretchen is staring at the hand in her lap and I feel a wave of guilt wash over me. 

It's not her fault I freaked out.

I look down at my body.

Tiny.

There's no way I'm traveling around on my own.

I'm gonna need Gretchen and Karen. 

I can't keep yelling at them.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes, stepping forward. 

"Hey, Gretch?"

"Yeah?" She doesn't look away from her hand. 

"I'm sorry for uh- lashing out. It wasn't your fault."

Gretchen looks up at me like she's never heard an apology before. Probably not from me at least.

Maybe it's selfish to only apologize when it benefits me. It probably is. But-

I've got bigger worries than my moral compass right now.

There's a crackling of the intercom, a lot louder than I ever remember it being. 

"The whole school to the gymnasium, asap."

"Do you think that has to do with whatever just- happened?" Gretchen motions vaguely to my small form.

"The hell if I know. Just pick me up and let's go."

Gretchen hesitates. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you or anything I-"

"Gretchen. I can't walk there myself."

"Right."

-

I pushed carefully through the crowds of students in the hall, extremely mindful of Aaron in my hands. 

It seems we weren't the only ones with this issue as I passed all my classmates, a couple of them also holding tiny peers.

There's a group of football jocks all traveling in a pack. "Glen Coco coming through." They yelled. 

I caught a glimpse into the center of their group and sure enough, Glen Coco sat in one of his bigger friend's hands.

"Cady!"

I turn around to see Damian coming over. "Thank god you're okay."

I nod. "Yeah, where's Janis?"

"Hey." 

I blink in disbelief at the small girl cupped in Damian's hands. She looked like she was gripping onto his pointer finger like her life depended on it.

How many students were affected?!

I frown. "I'm so sorry, Janis."

"Yeah, me too." She sighs. "Is that Aaron?!"

"Yeah." He calls from my hands. I lift him up more with a smile.

"Studying gone wrong."

Damian just shakes his head. "We were in the hallways."

We continue walking into the gymnasium. The bleachers are already pulled out and there is a man in a white coat standing at a podium. I can feel Aaron tense up in my hands as Damian and I take seats near the relative front. 

"You recognize him?" I ask. 

Aaron says something, but I can't hear him over the crowd around us.

"Hold on, Aaron." I shift my hands, bringing him up to my shoulder. "I can bearly hear you."

"Oh," He climbs on, gripping the shirt underneath him. I'm careful to remain deathly still as he sits.

That was one of the doctors who were giving shots."

I nod. "So this whole thing is related to the shrinking."

I look over to Janis, who Damian held protectively close to him. The poor girl seemed terrified and to be honest, I would be too.

The gymnasium was crowded and unnerving at my size. I can't imagine how she and Aaron feel.

I wish I could help more but everyone seemed equally at a loss of the situation.

"Janis?"

She was staring out at nothing, totally out of it.

"Hey, Jan, Cady's talking to you." Damian nudged her gently.

She blinked, shaking her head before turning to me. "You okay?" I ask.

"It's really loud," Janis says. I can tell shes yelling just to get her voice to travel so I nod instead of keeping the conversation going. 

The man-who-shot-my-friends-doctor-person stepped up to the podium, raising his hands to call for silence.

When the school had settled down, he began. I didn't pay much attention. He basically gave us his name and a vague description of his job. "Studying how society reacts to changes and new environments". He said he was excited to work with us, he had never taken his studies to a highschool. 

Basically, shrinking half the school was a change. A big one if you asked me. And they wanted to see how a much of immature teenagers react.

Don't scientists have better things to be doing?

Like curing cancer?

I felt hyper-aware of Aaron balancing carefully on my shoulder as the scientist talked. 

"It is odd that the results took a week to show." 

Aaron scoffed. He was so close to my ear that I could hear him clearly. 

"With that being said, it will be a couple of days before we've got a reverse and there's no saying how long it will be for it to kick in." 

"How long are you thinking?" A student from beside me said. 

"A week. At least." 

"A least?!" I behind me to see a small Regina rushed to the edge of Gretchen's hand, ignoring the yell Gretchen gave, curling her fingers up. "I'm gonna be like this for a fucking week?" 

I looked at Damian next to me. Janis sunk low into his hands, tears in her eyes. My heart broke slightly.

I wish I could pull her into a hug and help like she has done so many times for me.

The most scient continued. "You are all expected to continue attending class as usual. We will keep the selected student updated and-"

"Wait! How are they expected to get to class?"

"Yeah!"

"This sounds dangerous."

I nodded along to the last one. It did.

The scientist sighed. "That is for you to figure out. Now-"

-

"This is stupid. So fucking stupid." I frown. 

Damian looked down at me. "Yeah."

He was walking to his car with Cady (and Aaron and me). Damian normally drove Cady and I home but now I really needed the help.

"I'm a high school student! I should be worrying about my next chemistry exam. Not the fact that I'm three and a half inches tall."

Aaron made a noise of agreement from where he clung to Cady's shoulder.

Bold moves, dude.

I'll stay here.

Damian shifted me into one hand as he opened his car door.

"How are we gonna do this?" He mumbled, sitting down.

We were all silent for a bit.

"I could hold both of them?" Cady offered as she shifted Aaron into her hands.

"Jan, you okay with that?" Damian asked.

I trusted Cady. I really did. In the short amount of time I got to know her, she was quick to become an important person in my life.

But I barely felt comfortable with Damian right now. And it's Damian.

Still, despite all my inner turmoil, I nodded. "Yeah."

Damian gives me a look and I know he can see right through my semi brave face. But he doesn't push.

"Alright." He leans over, carefully depositing me next to Aaron and starting the car. "Aaron, are you going with Cady?"

"Yeah."

To have somebody my (new) size sitting next to me felt oddly confronting. 

Cady's hands weren't as warm as Damian's, but I knew that before. 

It was weird, to sit in a hand I used to be able to hold.

When I closed my eyes and sat shoulder to shoulder with Aaron, I could almost feel like this was normal.

-

"So, should I cancel the party this weekend?" Gretchen asked.

Karen frowned. "Not the party!"

"No, Gretchen. I may be tiny but my house fucking isn't."

"Regina, that sounds dangerous."

I scoff. "And?"

"What if you get hurt? What if any tiny gets hurt?"

"What's your point, Gretchen? If you've already decided you're gonna cancel my party, then why bother asking me?"

I don't miss the way Gretchen flinches back.

Part of me felt bad. The other part felt smug. Like even at my size, I can still call shots. I'm still in charge.

"I was just looking out for you." Gretchen says sadly.

Well, the smug feeling didn't last long.

I take a deep breath. "Then let's just reschedule for next week. I should be back by then, right?"

Gretchen gives a soft smile. "Right."

-

My house wasn't big. Just me and my mom, sometimes Damian. 

But holy fuck was it big right now.

Damian shut the front door behind him, bringing both hands underneath me.

"Ms. Sarkisian? Are you home?"

Obviously, Damian was with me. We were always together before and well- we had to be now.

At least for me.

"Is that Damian?" A familiar voice calls from the kitchen. "Janis isn't here hon, I'm sorry." 

Damian laughs nervously, holding me closer to his chest. "Actually-"

My mom emerged from the kitchen with a smile. "I thought she was coming home with you-"

Her eyes fall to Damian's hands and I wave awkwardly. 

"Oh." 

I hate having everyone's eyes on me, I hate having everyone touching me and holding me, I just hate being small in general.

I was slowly getting used to Damian holding me, and Cady wasn't that bad- 

but I wasn't ready for more.

So when my mom steps forward, I lean back into Damian's hand, hoping she'll get the hint.

She doesn't, but Damian does. He tips his hand up a bit so I fall with my back to his chest, his fingers curled over me. 

When my mom catches on, she steps back again, giving us space. "It actually worked." Her voice is filled with humor and disbelief.

"Huh?" Of course, my mom knew what she was signing me up for. But- part of me had hoped she just missed the fine print or something.

"I didn't think it would work. Especially as it got closer to the end of the week."

"Mom- you knew?"

"Well, yeah."

I push myself further against Damian. "You would do this, to your own daughter."

"It's for science! You know, I wanted to be a scientist once when I was little."

"Then you become three inches tall for science!" I don't bother to hide the anger in my voice.

I feel-

I don't know how I feel.

I don't know what to feel.

Scared? Mad? Betrayed? Shocked?

I'm terrified. And it's my mom's fault.

My mom steps backward at my sudden outburst. "Janis-"

"No." I cut her off bitterly. "We can talk later. I just- I need time. To calm down."

She nods sadly.

The worst part of it all?

My own mother can't seem to grasp why this is wrong.

She turns on her heels, going back to whatever she was doing before.

"Damian?" I ask, sinking down.

"Yeah?"

"Your house?"

"Of course."

-

"Regina, are you feeling okay?" Gretchen asked.

I turn, looking up at her. It felt weird to have to look up all the time now. We were in the Smith household because I wasn't ready to go home yet. I didn't want to face the reality of all this. 

The fact that my own parents signed off.

"Yeah, why?"

Gretchen shrugged. "You've been acting odd. Like- I know the shrinking and you've got a lot on your mind but-" Gretchen rambles trying to validate calling my actions 'odd'. "The point is- I was wondering if you were all good."

"What do you mean when you say odd?" I ask.

Gretchen's face flushed. "Not in a bad way or anything! Just- I don't wanna say nicer because that implies you were nice before but like- less snappy? Like not that that's a bad thing or-"

My jaw slacks a little, but I refuse to let my shock show. 

Was I such a bitch that not yelling for half a day was noticeable?

I haven't yelled in literally six hours but that was enough for Gretchen to pick up on and check on me?

I silently begin to reevaluate my attitude towards my friends as Gretchen continues to ramble about how it wasn't a bad thing and she wasn't trying to offend me.

-

I spent most of my Friday with Aaron. But Saturday nights were for me, Damian, Janis, and whatever movie we felt fit the mood.

And no shrinking was gonna change that. 

So here I say in the Hubbard basement. Damian sat to my right, holding Janis close to his chest as some mindless film played.

I was trying to pay attention to the movie. Like if I concentrated on the bad plot, I wouldn't be worrying about the small girl who literally fit into Damian's hands. The girl who was supposed to be taller than me. The bravest girl I knew, who looked so small and vulnerable that it physically hurt.

No wonder Damian was so worried about her.

I just wanted to help her- but there was nothing I could do. There was no way to help.

So I turn my attention to the movie instead.

"Cady," Damian whispered from next to me.

"Yeah?" I respond, not taking my eyes off the screen.

"Okay first off, lower your voice," Damian whispered his voice laced with rising panic. "Second, look."

I turn to see what's getting Damian so worked up.

Janis had pressed herself against Damian's chest, her eyes closed and her small form peaceful. 

The tense shoulders and fearful eyes she had since the shrink was gone. She looked calm and relaxed, I couldn't help but smile.

"Shes's asleep." I said softly, now understanding why Damian wanted me so quiet.

"What do I do?!" Damian hissed.

I hold back a laugh. "What do you mean? You've fallen asleep on each other plenty of times before. You know what to do."

"But - she's so small." Damian whispered, pressing his hands closer around the girl. 

"And?"

"What if she gets hurt or something?"

"Damian, we're just watching a movie." I point out. "She'll be okay."

"Right."

-

The weekend flew by pretty fast.

Karen and Gretchen stayed over the whole time and they were likely the only reason I haven't died yet. 

The school day- now that's a different story.

It was only lunchtime on Monday and I was ready to give it all up and take a nap.

"Regina, you okay?" Gretchen asked. 

"Yeah, just- tired."

I was trying to snap less but I also didn't have the energy in me to snap. 

"You might be better if you ate something," Gretchen said.

"Like what?"

"A french fry." Karen said, showing her tray forward a bit.

-

"Janis. That is a full Dorito."

"Okay, and?"

"There are smaller, broken pieces in the bag."

"I'm aware."

I watch with a smile as my friends maneuver around this new normal. Specifically, lunch, during this new normal. 

"Cady, tell Damian I can eat an entire Dorito if I want to eat an entire Dorito."

I lean back. "Don't drag me into this. You can try and eat an entire Dorito. Doesn't mean you'll be successful."

Janis scoffs. "Nobody has faith in me."

"It's a full Dorito, Janis." Aaron grins from next to her. "Even if you could eat it, do you think this period is enough time? It's gonna go stale before you can finish it."

"Dude, how long does it take you to eat a Dorito? I have forty-five minutes." Janis shoots back.

I watched with amusement as Janis held the chip, trying to examine the best way to go about her snack. 

Damian just shook his head and went back to eating. "You're crazy Janis Sarkisian."

"And you're jealous you can't eat a giant Dorito, Damian Hubbard."

-

It was Tuesday. 

The scientist had been keeping Northshore updated and we should be back to normal by Friday.

Friday was so far away. 

I was just lucky Damian had so many classes with me. 

It never got any less weird, sitting on his desk instead of next to his desk. 

But- it could be worse.

I hadn't talked to my mom yet.

I know I'm gonna break down in tears when I do.

It can wait till Friday when I'm back to normal.

I mean-

-she didn't bother to reach out.

So I won't either. 

Damian and I were in study hall in the very back of the library. 

It had reopened once all the equipment was pulled out.

It will probably reclose for Friday.

But its only fucking Tuesday.

I look up at Damian, whos working on stuff for other classes- y'know, like most students do in study hall. 

Damian had been so understanding of my initial freakout. And even now- when I still freak the fuck out.

Did it get annoying having to carry me everywhere?

I already thought I was pretty annoying.

Space Dyke, Northshore's lesbian with enough trama for four. 

I bet being so dependent suddenly wouldn't help my case.

But what could I do?

I couldn't just walk away and give him a break.

I mean-

I could stay home.

But then I'd have to face mom.

Alone.

But Damian deserved the break.

I dunno.

I don't want him to hate me after this week.

There's movement in front of me as I look up to see Cady sit down.

"Hey, guys!" She smiles.

"Hi!" I grin, shoving all my worries down. A talk with Cady was the perfect way to get my mind off things. "Where's Aaron?" I ask when I notice he isn't on her shoulder.

 "Aaron is with some soccer buddies. I love him- I really do, but I just needed a break."

Oh.

I look back to Damian, who just smiled before turning back to his work.

My heart sank. 

I mean- he didn't verbally agree but- I'm right here, why would he?

If Cady feels that way- Damian probably does too.

I look down at my lap in a vain attempt to hide the tears that burned at the corner of my eyes.

I don't want to lose Damian because I'm too fucking small to do anything myself.

I move closer to the edge of the table as Cady starts unpacking her books.

I don't want to take up too much room just because I can't sit on a chair like a normal person.

Cady and Damian talk quietly to each other but I only half listen. 

The library is pretty crowded for a study hall period and I'm 99% sure more of these kids weren't in study hall. 

A lot of students were taking advantage of this week to skip saying their smaller friends needed their help.

And hey- I'm not gonna sit here and say that's not why Damian has skipped acting class to sit with me in art the past few days- because he has. Honestly, add it to the book about why he hates me.

Damian loves his acting class. 

There's a group of freshmen messing around a table over. I'm on the side of the table opposite from them, but I still eye them worriedly. All I need is for the right book to go flying and I'm done for. 

I can feel Damian looking at me before I even lookup.

"You okay, Jan?"

"Yeah. Just tired." I look at him and pray from this size he can't tell that my eyes are red.

Damian clearly doesn't buy it. He's silent for a bit as he studies me carefully before speaking. "I love you." He says with a smile.

My face flushes. To this day, the random reminders still catch me off guard. Damian always seems to know when I need to hear it. 

"I love you too." I smile.

Cady awes softly and I feel my face heat up more. 

"It's not aw."

"It really is." Cady grins.

Before I can make a comeback, one of the freshmen from the other table, stumbles backward into our desk. The platform I'm sitting on jolts and my hands shoot backwards to catch myself. Only-

There's no desk.

I gasp, as gravity drags me over the edge of the table.

The fall itself was a lot quicker then I expected. My brain hadn't even properly caught up to what had just happened until-

I land on my side, my face grazing against the rough carpeted library floor. 

Pain shoots through my arm and my cheek feels hot.

I let out a staggered gasp, screwing my eyes shut.

Everything managed to be burning hot yet ice-cold at the same time. My entire side was enveloped in pain.

It hurt so bad.

My lungs wouldn't work.

I've had the wind knocked out of me before.

But this was so much worse.

I fell off a desk. A two and a half foot drop should not cause me this much pain.

But I'm small.

And fragile.

And probably annoying.

A hand gently scoops me up as I curl in on myself more.

I already have a pretty good idea of who it is but I don't want to open my eyes and deal with the reality of the situation.

I'm tiny.

I fell off a desk.

And now I'm in extreme pain.

So much for not worrying Damian, huh.

"Jan?" 

I don't respond.

My face stings. Rug Burn but make it the entire side of your face.

I couldn't tell if it was bleeding or an open wound, but I could tell it was painful as fuck.

"Janis?" Damian tries again. I can hear the fear in his voice, the panic he's trying not to let show.

Because of me.

I roll onto my back and open my eyes.

Damian has his hands resting on the desk and both him and Cady were peering down at me worriedly.

I could tell they were trying to make sure I was okay while still giving me my space but-

it was too much.

"I fell." I say softly.

"Yeah. You did." Cady agrees sadly. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts." I break away from their gazes. The utter heartbreak and the way Damian clearly took it personally was too much.

"I'm so sorry, Jan." 

"It's not your fault." I force myself into a sitting position, ignoring the way half my body aches or the way each breath I took felt shallow and empty. 

"You fell," Damian said softly, a dejected look on his face. "You got hurt. I watched you just fall. Oh my god-" Damian's hand slips out from underneath me, as I landed gently on the center of the table. "I need to go grab water. I'll be back." 

I watch silently as Damian gets up and walks away before I turn around to face Cady.

"Is he-"

"He'll be okay," She says softly, her eyes trailing Damian out of the room. "Are you��okay?"

"Just shaken up, I guess," I say, my hand absentmindedly touching the side of my face.

"I think we all are." Cady frowns.

I look to the abandons work Damian was doing before this. "Why did Damian take it so personally?"

Cady signed. "This week with the 'social experiment' has been kinda hard on everyone. We're all a little stressed and- while Damian and I may not know what you're going through, we also have some new changes to adapt to. Like carrying around your best friend. That's a lot of pressure and trust, a literal life in your hands. He just wants to make sure you're okay. To see you fall and get hurt- well, that's just what he was trying to prevent. If it were Aaron that fell, I'd probably react the same. He'll be fine. Just give him time to get water and calm down."

I nod, looking at the table underneath me. Damian is upset, and it's my fault. 

Add that to the many reasons he will hate me after this week.

-

This week is dragging by for me, and I wasn't one of the people shrunk. I can only imagine how Aaron or Janis feel right now. Every morning the student affected by the experiment had to go into the nurse's office for vital checks which meant Damian and I spent most of our time before the official start of the school day waiting outside the nurse's office. 

A lot of students waited outside for their friends as well but Damian and I didn't interact with them.

Until today at least.

"Cady?"

I turn around to see Gretchen Weiners walking over.

"Hey!" I smile. "What's up?"

"My stress levels." Damian mumbles from behind me.

Gretchen grins. "I think everyone waiting in this hallway can relate. I assume Damian is here for Janis but what about you Cady? Do you both watch her or-"

"I'm waiting for Aaron actually."

Gretchen wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I quickly raise my hands in defense.

"No- Aaron and I are just friends. Nothing more."

Gretchen deflates with a sigh. "Well, that's boring. Anybody else you're looking for? Maybe another tiny you hang out with a bunch?"

I feel my face flush as I wave my hand. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You, Cady Heron, are a terrible liar." Gretchen winks before turning away. "Bye you two!"

"She's right you know," Damian says once Gretchen is out of earshot. "You are a god awful liar."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I huff, pulling out my phone. "I'm here for Aaron. That's it."

-

The hallway was never a favorite of mine. I mean, when you're in eighth grade and can't walk two feet without homophobic slurs being thrown at you- 

-you learn to hate it.

But this week has turned my hatred for the hallway into a fear of the hallway. The crowds and loud voices that were nothing more than an annoyance before post as an actual threat now. The whole falling incident in the library yesterday just solidified my fears.

I could get hurt so easily at this size. 

In the beginning of the week, everyone was careful. The shrink still hadn't fully set in for most people, the fact that this was reality wasn't solidified in our heads. 

But people were more reckless now. It was Wednesday, the reality of the situation had set in. The hallways were back to their normal loud and crowded state. 

I pressed myself closer to Damian as he passed through a clump of students.

Unlike Aaron, who pretty quickly decided he preferred traveling by shoulder, I stayed in Damian's hands. Too many things could go wrong any other way. I stiffen every time I watch Aaron almost tip over when Cady isn't even walking.

No thanks.

All the locker slams and loud voices created a ringing in my ears and the big groups just made me cringe.

I hated crowds before.

And that's when I wasn't three and a half inches tall. 

"You okay, Janis?" Damian asked bringing his hands up more.

"Yeah, it's just- it's overwhelming." 

Damian nods. He doesn't understand but- he's trying.

I appreciate it. A lot. He's been so patient during my freakouts. He's so understanding when I hesitate to do the little things, like get picked up. He really is trying.

A locker slams a couple feet away and I instinctively flinch. All the noise is making my head hurt and I just want to go home.

Not home with Damian to the Hubbard's.

My home.

At my full height.

Where I can do things for myself.

Where I'm not in constant danger and a stressor to everyone who cares.

My eyes burn and I look down, rubbing my eyes in hope to stop the tears before they can even fall.

I'm not going to start crying in the middle of the school hallway.

"Janis?"

Of course, Damian caught on to my mood. Why wouldn't he? Why would I just give him a break where he won't constantly worrying about me? 

"I'm really fine. I swear. It's tits, dude. Just overwhelmed." 

Damian shoots a quick glance at me before looking up again- he is still walking through the halls after all. "I'm-" Damian hesitates. "I'm gonna try something, okay? Just tell me if it's any better or totally worse."

"Huh?"

Damian doesn't explain as he suddenly lifts his hand. I instantly stiffen as I'm hit with slight vertigo, things like this never get any less weird. 

What is he doing?! He's moving in the halls why is he- What if I fall or get hurt or-

My inner turmoil is broken as Damian tips his hand and I fall backwards-

-into a pocket?

I'm disoriented as I quickly pull myself up in confusion.

I was in the chest pocket of Damian's denim jacket. He looks down at me. 

"You okay?"

I pause, looking around. "Yeah. I'm good."

It was, new. As were a lot of things this week.

But new didn't mean bad. I don't know what I expected the inside of a pocket to be like, but, it was pretty roomy. And if I ducked fully in, the loud bangs of the hallway were muffled. 

I sunk down as Damian continued walking, satisfied that I was okay. Light streamed through the lip of the pocket, which shifted as Damian walked. Light also filtered gently through the denim fabric, so it wasn't very dark or unsettling. It was the opposite actually. I couldn't see everything going on around me, but it wasn't bad. I wasn't scared not to be aware of my surroundings. The overall presence of Damian was a welcoming comfort amongst the muted sounds of outside. 

And-

Holy shit.

I've fallen asleep laying with Damian before. I've had my head on his chest before, I know what his heartbeat sounds like.

But from here it's so loud and clear.  It's directly next to me and I can almost feel it in my body. 

I'm really small enough to fit in a fucking pocket, huh.

The sounds of the hallway outside fade and I pop my head up. We've reached our next class.

Damian sits at his desk and I allow myself to be scooped up carefully. 

"Were the hallways better now?"

I grin. "Dude- you have a loud fucking heartbeat."

-

"Hey, Gretchen?" I roll the pencil in front of me back and forth, unable to look up and meet Gretchen's eyes. 

"Yeah, Regina?"

I take a deep breath, looking up. "Was- am I a bad friend?"

Gretchen leans back in her chair, tilting her head. "What do you mean?"

I already want out of this conversation. Emotions are gross and I hate it here. But- Gretchen deserves this talk. She has done so much for me this week and she's always done so much for me. Even when I wasn't tiny, Gretchen was there if I ever needed her. No hesitation and at any hour. I took advantage of that for so long. 

"This week, when I stopped yelling and being bossy and- basically when I stopped being a bitch, you noticed. That means in the past I had had to have been such an asshole that I go one day without snapping and it's such a difference that you pick up on it. So like-" I shrug, looking back at the pencil in front of me. "Sorry, I guess. For being a big bitch."

I never thought I'd be pouring my feelings to my friend in study hall when I'm under four inches tall and sitting on a desk. 

But I also never thought I'd be under four inches tall in general.

"Regina," Gretchen pauses, at a loss. Clearly, she wasn't expecting an apology.

I don't know if that makes me feel any better about my past actions.

"This week helps me realize that I really took advantage of how much you care about me," I explain. "I don't know what I would do without you, Gretchen. Karen too. But- you were there the most this week. Even after all I've done is been a bitch. So, I'm sorry for being a bitch. And thank you for uh- caring."

Gretchen smiles. "Of course, Regina. You're my best friend. And you aren't always 'bitchy'," She does air quotes with a grin. "Thank you for apologizing though. It means a lot."

I smile sheepishly, turning my attention back to the pencil as I begin to roll it again. "Yeah well, an apology was overdue."

-

"Janis, why do I get the feeling this is a disaster waiting to happen?" Damian asks from where he sat behind me. The obvious amusement in his voice is not lost on me.

"Because, it probably is," I answer simply. 

It was Thursday and to say I was falling behind in art was an understatement. I needed to do something if I wanted a piece to enter into the next art show. Besides, the art was already sketched onto the canvas I just had to start applying paint.

How bad could this be?

I had has Damian layout paints onto a pallet for me as I grabbed the lightest brushes I could find. It was a thin tip which wasn't bad since I was going to be using small brushes for the background anyway. 

I've tried using a pencil at this size before. It's hard- but not impossible. It just feels like a full-body workout and the lines are sloppy. How hard could using a paintbrush be?

Very hard.

For starters, pencil tips are solid. I can rest the pencil on the surface I'm drawing on and use my body weight to move it.

I have to actually hold the paintbrush or else I'll damage the tip.

I hear Damian laugh behind me as I lean backwards a bit too far, trying to find balance with the weight of the paintbrush.

I land on my butt, the brush rolling off my lap and onto the table. 

"Great." I groan, flopping backward.

I can't even hold it long enough to dip it into the paint.

"It was a beautiful attempt." Damian teases. "Maybe next time."

"Shut up." I sit up again, turning to him. "Not all of us can stand full height and pick up a paintbrush easily-" My voice trails off as I get an idea.

"No," Damian leans back in this chair. "I don't know what you're thinking but I'll tell you right now the answer is no. I know that look on your face."

"Please?" I whine. "Damian, I haven't even told you my idea yet."

He huffs. "What is your idea?"

I pick up the paintbrush, stumbly as I hold it out to Damian. "I tell you where the color goes, you do the painting."

Damian shakes his head. "Janis you know I can't paint."

"Just listen to what I say and it will be fine!"

Damian takes the paintbrush from me but lowers it back to the table. "No way. I'm not gonna ruin your work."

"Damian, you wouldn't be ruining it. Please? I know you can do it. C'mon, I need to start the painting before it's too late!" I walk back over to my canvas. "I'd literally point where it goes and we'd be fine. Please? I can't do it myself." 

"You couldn't ask Cady or something? You're talking to the person with the least artistic talent in the world."

I roll my eyes. "You're being dramatic. C'mon, let's start with blue."

"It's your funeral." Damian sigh, picking up the paintbrush.

I grin, walking over to the canvas. "See that section? That whole area is that shade of the blue. And then we can mix the lighter shade for closer to the right."

"I agreed to put color on a canvas- I'm not mixing shades."

"Damian that's literally the easiest part."

"Are you lying or is it actually?"

"Well- for some people it can be."

"Janis."

"Relax! I believe in you. You're gonna do great."

-

"Regina, are you excited?" Karen asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait."

It was finally fucking Friday. By the end of today I'll be back to normal. 

It felt weird.

Like, I was so ready to get back to normal, but this week helped me learn some things about myself and my friendships.

It definitely a week I don't think I'll ever forget.

"Let's go." Gretchen smiles, scooping me up.

-

"Yknow," I laughed nervously. "Maybe staying small isn't such a bad idea- I mean, no needles that way, right?"

"Janis." Damian shook his head. 

Last week I had no warning before the shot. I didn't have time to panic. Yeah, I was scared, but I was mostly confused. Now, I was terrified. 

They were giving the shots and then sending the tinies to the cafeteria to wait for it to sink in. Apparently this time it would only take about ten minutes.

"Damian, did you see what they did to Aaron? The syringes are huge."

"Yes, but the needles aren't. The needles are tiny, it's gonna feel just like a normal shot. The syringes are so big so the doctors can see what they're doing. It's okay."

"What if they miss? What if they inject whatever the fuck into a major vein?! Is that how shots normally work?! I don't even know Damian! I don't want to bleed out and die!"

"You aren't going to bleed out and die." Damian shifts me into one hand. We're next in l- well, I'm next in line.

"Are you sure there's like- no other alternative?"

Damian shook his head. "Nope, Jan. Sorry."

I hug my arms tighter around myself. Damian had taken my jacket from be five minutes ago. This isn't his first time making sure I get my shots. He knew what to do. And typically, he knew how to help.

But nothing was bringing me comfort at this point. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the giant fucking syringes. Can you blame me? So what the needle is the width of an average needle for my hight? The syringe is still as tall as me. And that's scary as fuck.

Add that on top of the fact that needles, in general, are scary as fuck and I'm not having a good time.

I feel like I may puke as Damian steps forward.

It's my turn.

Oh fuck.

Hell no.

I'd rather stay tiny and die than get a fucking shot.

"Damian-"

"I know, Jan. It's gonna be okay."

It's a different nurse then who gave me the shot last week. "It's okay to be nervous!" She already seems nicer than the other nurse. 

Not that it helps.

"I know it seems scary but it's just like a normal shot. Same ol' pinch."

I force a weak smile. 

Can Damian feel how bad I'm shaking?

I truly don't think this is worth it.

I could simply pass away.

That's a good alternative.

The nurse turns around to a table where her tools are stationed. "Do you want to be set down somewhere or-"

"No," My voice is strained and it's painfully obvious I'm terrified. "I can do it with Damian."

The nurse nods, walking over.

Now, 

I was terrified before.

But when I physically saw the needle?

Game over.

"W-wait-" I step backward ignoring the way Damain's other hand shoots up to make sure I don't fall.

The nurse pauses but doesn't lower the needle or step back. 

"Jan, it's gonna be easier if you get it over with." Damian reminds me gently.

"No- I know I just-" I step back again. "I can't- I-" I was dangerously close to the edge of Damian's hand. There was no more room for me back up. 

I couldn't take my eyes off the needle. The syringe has to be as tall as I was. It-

Fuck.

"Janis," Damian's voice is a familiar stern but soft. "You need to get the shot."

I can't bring myself to respond verbally as I shake my head.

I can't.

Nope.

No.

I-

There's movement out of the corner of my eye as fingers wrap around me, pinning my arms to my sides.

I gasp, snapped out of my thoughts. 

"Damian-"

"Please, Jan, you need to get the shot."

"Put me down!" 

It's a fist. That's what if fucking is.

It's not painful, Damian isn't being hard or anything. But I sure as hell can't move. My bicep is totally exposed and I can't move my arms or turn away or-

The nurse catches onto what Damian's doing and steps closer.

"Damian put me down! Please!"

He doesn't move as the nurse steps closer. A giant cloth is swiped against my arm, cleaning it and I freeze, turning away.

I can't get out of this.

I can't avoid it.

Just like last week, there's a pinching sensation on my arm and I stiffen.

There are tears at the corners of my eyes and I feel childish that it affecting me this much.

Why can't I be normal and just get a shot?

Damian's hand around me opens as the nurse steps away and I sit down in the center of his palm. "I'm sorry," He says holding me up to eye level. "But you know you needed that shot."

"No, I didn't." I cross my arms. 

"Janis." Damian shakes his head with a laugh.

He walked away from the stations and over to the cafe. Inside was just a bunch of tinies placed on tables and honestly, it was a comedic sight. 

"I wanna go over by Aaron," I say, pointing to one of the closer tables.

Damian nods, walking over. 

I slip off his hand as we reach the table and wave. "Bye. Love you. And uh- thanks for helping me with the shot."

Damian laughs. "Of course, Jan. I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."

"So, how did Ms. I hate shots, Janis Sarkisian, deal with the needle?" Aaron asked. 

I huff. "Don't wanna talk about it."

-

The hallway buzzed with nervous energy. I talked idly with Gretchen as we waited, but the undercurrent of excitement wasn't missed by anyone.

It was still technically school hours but all student who helped their smaller classmates this week was outside the cafeteria, waiting eagerly to see their friends at full height again.

I watched as Damian left the cafeteria and I waved him over.

"Janis, as always, was a nuisance at getting her shot."

"Hello to you too." I grin. "Really that bad?"

"It's always that bad. She kicked a nurse once! She's gotten better, I used to have to hold a thirteen-year-old Janis in my lap just for a flu shot, but I guess a syringe the size of you is pretty scary because all improvement went out the fucking window."

Gretchen nodded. "Middle school Regina and Janis had a lot in common. Most notable? Their fear of needles."

"Well, Aaron was fine." I grin.

"Wow, lucky you." Gretchen rolled her eyes. "But- that's over now and hopefully we won't ever have to deal with giant needles ever again."

"Don't jinx us." I laugh.

Damian grins. "Since its technically still the school day I gotta bolt and talk to a teacher really fast but I'm gonna do my best to get back before they're all out. Whenever that is."

"Alright," I wave him off. "Go hurry!"

-

My libs felt weird and my head hurt a bit but I could care less.

I was back.

Full height.

I high fived Aaron as we grinned. 

This entire week was a giant nightmare.

Pun intended.

But it was over.

I'm back.

"Hell yeah!"

We follow the crowd of classmates, all normal height again, out into the hallway.

There were students everywhere hugging and cheering. 

I looked around, unable to find Cady or Damian.

Aaron stepped past me, beelining to his soccer friends.

The dude spent equal time with Cady and his teammates so I'm sure I'll see him talking to Cady later.

There's a thump somewhere to my left and I turn to see all three plastics on the ground in a hug, Regina clearly having taken them down. 

I grin but move on, continuing my own search for my friends.

I know Damian said he needed to talk with a teacher and he may not still be back but-

Cady should be here somewhere.

Despite being back to normal height I can't see over the mass of students.

I step away from the door and start making my way through the crowd in hopes of better luck finding either of my friends.

My eye catches a familiar reddish head of hair through the sea of students.

I grin, pushing through the crowd.

Cady has her back to me as I stand next to her. She's on the phone and doesn't notice.

"No Damian, I don't see either of them. Yes you should hurry, are you kidding me?! Okay, okay, you're right. Bye."

"So, who are we looking for?"

Cady whirls around to face me. "Janis?!"

"Mhm?"

Cady grins, pulling me into a tight hug, pressing her face into my shoulder.

"Nice to see you too, Cads." I laugh, wrapping my arms around her. 

We pull apart and she grins up at me. "I forgot how tall you were."

"Yeah, me too."

As I suspected earlier, Aaron walks over and I step away, giving them space to talk.

I stand by the edge of the hallway, separating myself from the crowd.

I may not be small as fuck anymore but that doesn't make me hate big groups any less. 

"Janis!"

I smile, turning to the sound of my name, already knowing who it is. 

"You took your sweet time." I grin.

Damian doesn't respond he simply pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me.

For spending the whole week with Damian, I felt like I missed him. Or really just the hugs.

I missed the hugs.

I gladly return the hug, laughing as Damian just holds me tighter. 

"I'm glad you're okay." He says softly.

There was so much emotion in that one sentence as Damian squeezes softly.

I pull back a little bringing my hands up to his cheeks. "Hey."

"Hi." He whispers. There are tears in his eyes, matching the ones probably in my own.

"Thank you so much for everything you did this week, man. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I smile softly as Damian presses a kiss to my forehead before pulling away. 

"It feels weird standing here at this size." I confess, looking at the crowd of students in the halls.

"It's gonna take some getting used to after this week." Damian nods.

"Yeah." I agree, turning back to him. My eye catches his denim jacket. I step forward, hooking my pointer finger over the lip of his chest pocket. "Jesus Christ, that's a small fucking pocket."

"Yeah, Jan. It is."

"I was small!"

"Mhm."

"Give me your hand."

Damian complies, and I raise my hand next to his in comparison. I've always had small hands so I'm not surprised when his are bigger than mine. But still- 

I fit in his hand.

"Woah." 

Damian laughs. "Now do you see how I felt?"

"Yeah. That's tits."

"Mm, not the word I would use, but sure, Jan. It was tits."

"I wouldn't do it again tho."

"Thank god." Damian shakes his head. "Stupid social experiment."

"Stupid social experiment." I agree.

dw, janis lived her life at the hubbards and never saw her mother again. as she should. @realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt @sourishlemons

#g/t mean girls #tiny janis #tiny regina #tiny aaron #giant damian #giant cady #giant gretchen #giant karen #shirnkkkkkkkkkkk #this literally took a week to write

[inumaqi]

top ten tagged by @linkspooky 🍊 explanations under the cut! sorry for rambling xo → rules: name your top ten favourite characters from ten different fandoms, and then tag ten people - @osomanga @kara-suno @anonimarevolts @zeninmaki @wildbishonen @shysheeperz @tkmewthyou @kaldurlenn @joxterism @marshmallowdonutsprinkles

snufkin okay so he’s the only one not from an anime or manga but i had to put him on bc he’s the most important fictional character to me, ever. i grew up watching the moomin cartoons in the 90s and thinking about it instantly calms me down - they used to air the episodes early in the morning when it would still be dark outside: the landscapes were moody and cosy, the characters were so softly spoken and articulate... it’s just peak nostalgia. anyway, snufkin is moomin’s best friend; he returns to moominvalley every year to be with his friends during the spring and says his goodbyes to go adventure again come winter. it upsets moomin when he leaves but snufkin is adamant that quiet and solitude are important and healthy, and it’s not fair to expect him to compromise on his independence - that made a really big impact on me as a kid, especially as someone who never really had their ‘own’ space (twinsies). relationships aren’t weakened by physical distance or time, they’re about communication and understanding. that was important too. i don’t think i realised just how influential it had been until i was an adult but snufkin is an anarchist. he first shows up in the comics when moomin and sniff are talking about opening a bank - he tells them they should plant fruit trees instead. he destroys private property and rescues orphans, he refuses to participate in things that don’t bring him joy. when he’s asked where home is, he replies, “nowhere. or everywhere! it depends how you look at it” - the whole world belongs to him, and the whole world belongs to everyone else too.

yomo renji in general, i like characters that trudge along in the background and do the nitty-gritty work that supports the main story. i like people like that irl too. more than anything else, yomo is desperate to form human connections, even though he’s shackled by self-doubt and self-loathing. he just wants to positively contribute to a community, thinking he’s most useful keeping a quiet eye on people who might need protection/guidance (while still giving them space to grow and act themselves) or foraging for human corpses so that others aren’t in danger or moral anguish doing it for themselves.

bird boy is a total weapon - “the perfect ghoul” - and you’re reminded over and over again but a lot of his growth is about rejecting violence and repurposing his power as something productive that he can use to help the people around him instead of hurting people (the yang to uta’s yin). in the first few chapters, he says he kills humans (he’s a ghoul, humans are food, it’s natural) and yet he’s consistently framed as a scavenger who seeks out ‘roadkill’ [suicide victims] for sustenance, even before coming to anteiku, and implements a system so other people can do the same.

suguru getou i was originally gonna say meg bc i love him but, having just finished The Flashback Arc, i can’t stop thinking about getou and i’m beyond impressed with how akutami has managed to ground him so well, so sympathetically. getou is the sick, warped darkness to the hopeful light that gojou commands but... in an uncomfortable twist, the reverse is true, kind of.

actually, gojou is arrogant and confrontational and hyper individualistic. he’s a dissident. getou is obedient, compassionate, self-aware... he has a sense of social responsibility and passionately believes that his skills should be used to protect those who can’t protect themselves - non-jujutsu sorcerers - and all of the suffering he endures as a result is worth that. idk if others are reading his downfall differently but, from where i’m standing, that overwhelming responsibility never goes away, he doesn’t give up on it - he just starts to view the social landscape differently and begins to see how jujutsu sorcerers are vilified and mistreated in spite of all the good that they do. the ‘weak’ aren’t really weak when they’re able to organise and assert collective power over a minority, and so his sympathies shift.

the nail in the coffin for getou is learning that the hurt and pain could be eradicted from the world by cutting the head of the proverbial snake: non-jujutsu users generate cursed energy, so get rid of non-jujutsu users and cursed energy won’t be generated. it’s all horribly, weirdly rooted in good intentions that weigh him down and misdirect him.  shinazugawa genya i feel like the bond that slowly starts to develop betwen tanjirou, and zenitsu and inosuke (in particular) is nicely foiled by genya’s lonely journey towards becoming a pillar. after losing almost all of his family and having sanemi walk away, genya is angry, antisocial, rude, violent, evasive...

he’s characterised as competitive, as if he hates his peers and wants to leave them in the dust as an act of self-satisfaction, a power fantasy or whenever, but this is a deliberate misdirection to cover for the fact that he’s scrambling to be a pillar so that he can reconnect with his brother and prove to him that he can protect himself; that sanemi doesn’t need to shoulder everything alone like he used to. his entire goal is an act of apology.

and in a story where so many characters are able to hone these exceptional skills, genya is uniquely disadvantaged as the only one who can’t master breathing techniques. rather than having a hero moment and powering up, his need to reconnect with sanemi is so strong that he essentially decides to compromise his humanity and become a kind of monster by ingesting the demons he’s pledged to annihilate. amajiki tamaki i wish i had a a longer explanation for this one but it’s actually super simple: tamaki is a really, really, really good portrayal of a person burdened with severe anxiety. the way he physically carries himself, the way he hides his face, his manner of speaking, his dependency on his mirio, how he interprets compliments as trickery, how he needs to be pushed and pushed and pushed before he’s finally able to release his potential... every single scene with tamaki felt deeply personal when i was reading bnha and i knew exactly what he was supposed to be feeling. shinmon benimaru sometimes good, nice people don’t fit a little friendly mould and i like that benimaru is hostile and rough and antisocial, even with people he cares about. he doesn’t expect anything of people, he doesn’t want them interfering with him, and he wants to help and support them all the same because he believes in community. he’s completely oppositional to the special fire force because he thinks it’s a tool to pursue an ideology rather than to protect people, which is why it’s so important when the eighth are finally able to win his approval - they become the only company the seventh consider allies, and it’s proof that their objectives are righteous. despite his reputation as... kind of a nuisance, his skill is acknowledged by everyone and he’s universally regarded as the strongest fire soldier there is. in spite of his antisocial attitude, he agrees that it’s important to share that with younger fire soldiers - he’s incredibly patient and understanding with them, helps them to individually adapt. the way he (and others in company seven) operate in contrast to the other companies when fighting infernals is really cool to me for two reasons: (1) it provides a commentary on how cultures and traditions often struggle to survive when they’re systematically (forcefully) replaced through power and wealth - although the subtext is a little troubling because it’s unclear whether ōkubo is conflating multiculturalism with globalisation which, uh, big nope; and (2) philosophically speaking, the approach to death is interesting. where the other companies essentially perform last rites and offer absolution to the deceased, benimaru personally takes responsibility - at the request of the people in his district - for sending them off in huge public display, kind of like a festival intending to celebrate their life. i think it speaks to how profoundly he values life. akihiko kaji i liked akihiko from the beginning because he’s stoic and introspective and also excitable and dumb. he’s a people watcher and waits for opportunities to softly guide uenoyama and mafuyu when they’re quietly crying out for help but doesn’t interfere any more than he thinks is necessary because he knows they can make their own way to where they need to go. i liked akihiko even more when he got really fucking messy. his relationship with ugetsu is sweet and it’s incredibly ugly and unhealthy because they both fail utterly to communicate with one another - they’re both to blame for avoiding and hurting each other, and i think that’s a really normal issue that people find difficult to overcome. i’m super interested (and really nervous) to see how his relationship with haruki develops. he’s done some horrible things to haruki and i want him to be accountable for those things and have them affect their relationship in a realistic way.

tanigaki genjirou one thing i really, really love about golden kamuy is the way noda satoru incorporates the importance of minority cultures into the story, and tanigaki’s apparent abandonment of his matagi heritage is really beautifully written. matagi hunting traditions shaped his life as a young man, it’s how he was able to really assimilate to the people around him and form relationships and - without getting too spoilery - he divorces himself from it all when he’s overcome by grief and hatches a plan for revenge against the person responsible. so, by allowing himself to surrender to negative feelings and thoughts instead of seeking support and learning to heal from what happened, he becomes a total shadow of himself. 

makimura takeshi i know i’ve gushed about it before but i can’t properly explain just how incredible it felt seeing an asexual character in manga dialogue about being asexual, and devils’ line does it twice. the reason i’m so attached to makimura in particular is because he doesn’t seem to have fully figured it out - and he’s kinda... comfortable with that. he wants to be with someone and he wants to be monogamous but he can’t understand why he doesn’t feel sexual desire towards her; he knows his feelings aren’t platonic but doesn’t know whether they can really be called romantic either.

not to go dark mode but i very vividly remember just how lonely and horrifying it was battling with those uncertainties when i was a teenager, thinking i was broken because i didn’t have Normal Human Feelings and needed to be fixed. i was so worried about it that i thought about all the boys i knew, picked the one i thought was the nicest and actively tried to develop a crush on him. it was dumb as fuck but, ten years later, i realise it was really desperate and sad too. i forced myself to have ~my first kiss~ (it was horrible) because i felt like i was getting left behind and i think i would’ve put myself in worse situations as i got older if i hadn’t suffered with such bad social anxiety.

i hadn’t really thought too much about a lot of this stuff for yeaaars but it all came flooding back when i was reading devils’ line. it was bittersweet bc i was remembering all of those shitty feelings but also watching this character grapple with those same questions and go: i don’t know yet and that’s not weird, let’s just grow with it. i still don’t totally know whether i’m ace or aro or bi, or whatever, but i’m trying to be okay with just... not knowing.

misora shuuji anyway, devils’ line isn’t actually a manga with a specific focus on sexuality and gender but shimanami tasogare is and all of the characters are written beautifully. if you haven’t read it yet... then why haven’t you read it yet? misora is only about twelve years old and watching them battle with their growing pains is really compelling - they’re closeted but, through the lounge, they have somewhere to explore their gender and all the questions they have about it. they’re amab and present as traditionally feminine wrt clothes, wigs, makeup, etc. but can’t quite tell if they see themselves as a girl, a boy or non-binary.

with the onset of puberty and anxieties about physical changes to their body, misora’s story puts a lot of emphasis on the pressure they face to just ‘make up their mind’ about something that’s actually incredibly complex and doesn’t have any easy answers. they snap and shout and get upset, especially when tasuku (the protag) tries to push them into a corner because he wants a concrete label or identity he can attach to misora, even though space is exactly what misora needs.

#jujutsu kaisen #given #kimetsu no yaiba #boku no hero academia #enen no shouboutai #tokyo ghoul #shimanami tasogare #devils' line #golden kamuy #moomins #mine*edit

[snickerdoodlecocoa]

Day 16

you know that feeling when there’s simply too much in your head and not even writing it all out can help because you don’t even know where to start? yeah, welcome to my brain and it’s fucked up chemicals.

a couple things have happened this week. let’s start with what happened 3 hours ago. 

i stopped by my friend’s apartment after dinner and i’m getting the impression that we’re drifting apart and i hate everything about that. context: my freshman year, a suite of guys a year above me lived down the hall and i spent a ton of time at their place. i really bonded with two of them. with one, we connected over our shared love of writing, with the other, unrequited love and mental health (i turned his ache into poetry). sophomore year, they moved to the usual off campus apartments. i stopped by every once in a while, but i had to rely on the buses- obviously, not as easy as walking down the hall. that year got cut short by covid-19. and now, junior year. i’ve been to their place a couple times. it’s always weird. i don’t entirely know what to attribute it to. i felt so close to them after freshman year and now the magic isn’t there. was our friendship just based on the convience of living in the same building for a year? when i stopped by tonight, i was talking to the latter of the two boys i mentioned before. after a lull in conversation, i joked that “i’m a terrible conversationalist”. he said “well, we don’t have much to talk about, etc.” i think i’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. and maybe this is me just jumping to conclusions, but even our online interactions aren’t the same. when a meme used to lead to a long conversation about things other than said meme, now it’s just liked and that’s it. i send 80% of the memes. i always feel like i’m bothering them. but like i said, overreacting? the boys are seniors now. they’re probably busy. but what happens after they graduate? do we just fade apart? i care so much about them and i have no idea if that’s reciprocated. and it’s not like i can just say “hey do y’all hate me now should i just stop sending memes”. i hate this feeling. if you’re gonna fade out of my life, tell me. moving on.

i told my parents i have social anxiety the earlier this week and it went as well as you think it did. i first told my dad, who has in the past stated “anxiety isn’t real”. his first response? “everyone has social anxiety” so i dropped the full name: social anxiety disorder. my dad likes to think that he understands why i’m so bad at people just because we’re both introverts. but only one of us has social anxiety. do all of my symptoms match? nope. have i been professionally diagnosed? nope. but it’s just something that i know. something i found out existed by reading about it in fanfiction (which is just disappointing, really). back to my dad- as soon as the conversation went to mental health, he immediately backed out and pulled a “i don’t know how to talk about this”. yeah dad, i didn’t either until i did. you learn. 

now, my mom. my mom, who has both a BA and MA in psychology (she doesn’t really use them for psych purposes, but she’s got the background). it was such a fragile conversation. she kept on pushing me to ask if i wanted to see someone about it. but not before saying that looked it up and “could see how i sorta fit the profile”. she did it better than my dad. and she asked if i thought i was depressed. i don’t know how to reply to that. cause like i’ve said, my bad days come in moments. i’ll feel like shit for a day but then i’ll be fine the next. i don’t know if i’m depressed. anyone who bases their opinion of my mental health of my writing would definitely say i’m depressed. i don’t know what i want to do. i really don’t.

the worst part about this is that my parents never figured out how fucked up my brain was for all these years. you saw the signs, the isolation, the avoiding of people, everything. you saw it. and told yourself i was okay.

so. that’s what’s been on my mind. yeah, it feels better putting it in solid form. but everything is still lurking under the surface. it’s 1:53 AM by me as a i write this. when the last letter of the tags is typed, i’m going to go wash up and go to bed. hopefully in bed by 2:30 AM, followed by a fun thinking/spiralling session until god knows when. what i wouldn’t give for 8 hours of sleep.

#day 16 #mental health #yay #we still talking about that #social anxiety #yet again #and a sprinkle of depression #a bit too many details #to be anon #but here we are #figure me out internet please #i enjoy the comfort of labels #(but that doesn't mean we should force them on everyone!!!) #isomnia #get ready for bed with me #parent fail #they try though #so i try to appeciate that

[southern-belle-outcasts]

4, 5, and 20 mun views

Mun Views 

4. On your fandom. 

Which one lmao....um, well X-Men? Cool, a lot of the fandom to some degree is drawn cuz they can relate be they part of some type of minority group. Don’t see too many assholes, I think most of the jerks that were on here fell off during nippocalypse. There is a divide with the comic elitists vs xmcu and it’s dumb. I used to be an xmcu blog cuz I WANTED to read the comics but I was a broke ass college student who had literally no access to that, but I’d seen Wolverine and the X-Men, plus the movies that were out at the time. If I’d let those asses run me off, well, wouldn’t have continued to build my comic book collection (I’d already read Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, I’m talking specifically X-Men comics).

Arrowverse? I don’t follow many of the blogs, I have a select few I follow. My fandom experience is pretty much my friends with fairly similar views so I can’t speak on the fandom outside of the fact there’s a loooot of veiled hating on women of color under the guise of griping with the crappy writing. I try to avoid it. I don’t hold with Iris and Cecile hate, they’re good characters subjected to the writing of white men, what do you want.

Star Wars? NOPE. Hell naw. No thank you. Bye. I have no interest. I make it very clear this is a “the prequels are the shit, TCW is a fucking joke and trashes the characters, not!Star Wars mouse sequels are non-existent, the og EU is not legends it’s the only recognized canon” blog, and I’m this unapologetically. I have extremely strong opinions, I’ve literally been in the fandom since I was 6, I’ve spent hours reading EU content, visual dictionaries and encyclopedias, concept art of the movies books, comics, novelizations, etc. If you’re a stan of the other...stuff, I’ll probably say shit that will offend you and it’s probably for the best you don’t follow me cuz I’m not censoring these opinions, ever, at all. And for the love of all things holy, if you want to call R*ylo okay, or Anidala toxic, we meeting up behind Denny’s, yo.

Supernatural? Kinda sorta, considering I don’t link Nil and Farrar to any of the show canon besides using some of the monster lore. Like we don’t do the appropriation of native spirituality on this blog, so there’s no use of W*nd*g* cuz you’re not supposed to write or say that, like no. I have major problems with the show, that’s a mile and a half long, past season 5 it went downhill, they really should have left Swan Song as the finale. The queer baiting and bury the gays, the trash trash trash finale, the way any poc and female characters are handled, there’s so much oof. I stay away from it. Honestly kind of nice to see the SPN crowd was mostly quiet, it was RAMPANT when I first got on here, and there was a looot of drama. The way the extreme crowd of the fandom conducts themselves with the actors and stuff tells you a lot. Another nope. I prefer to stick to fandomless urban fantasy.

5. On exclusivity. 

If that’s someone’s jam, that’s cool. Doesn’t bother me. At one point I was exclusive to a few versions of characters. Not anymore, but I can understand how sometimes someone just clicks for you to the extent it rubs you wrong seeing a different version. It doesn’t stop me from writing with other people so I literally give no fucks and don’t see why anyone else should either.

20. On 'popular' blogs. 

Here’s where I piss a lot of people off, and I don’t really fucking care, as having at one point been an even more actively sought out blog back when the MCU was taking off in 2012-2014 and having tons of asks and thread requests, I can more than speak on what it’s like being a popular blog.Technically still am, you don’t have to take my word for it, just look in my thread tracker, and that’s not even all the threads cuz some are in drafts cuz they’re starters and I can’t add yet.

There’s nothing wrong with people enjoying your writing and following you. Awesome, good for you. It often proves to be a lot for people and I don’t like when I see people biting off more than they can chew but still pushing for more followers and asks and threads. Frankly, it’s really, really rude. I get wanting to make people happy, or wanting to try new threads and stuff, but you should also be reasonable with how much you can manage. If I see someone complaining about having too many drafts and asks and then not being able to write because of the pressure, but then daily pushing their promo or their wire or memes...and nothings coming of it...and they’re admitting they can’t get their muse to reply...then STOP. “You don’t owe anyone anything” means you don’t owe anyone respect and obligations that aren’t due.

When you decide to join a collaborative writing hobby, you’re still committing to your partners to write to some degree. Now if that means you’re going to be slow, and super minimal with which followers you actually interact with THAT IS FINE...as long as you have that communicated and make it very clear to the people who follow you they’re probably just following to be lurkers. But I can’t get with constantly pulling for interaction then within the same day the whole inbox is being dumped, drafts are being dumped, the same three people are the only ones ever getting a reply for the past three months, etc.

There’s been times I’ve said I can’t plot right now, there’s been weeks I bump all the memes in my queue further down so that they don’t post so I can catch up. I’m so secure with partners I don’t follow back unless I get my rules code sent in (newsflash: 9/10 I never see it). I never post a promo. I really don’t need to, if I see someone I really want to interact with on my dash, I’ll follow first, but I can’t in good conscious promote myself when I’m at a decent spot keeping up with a LOT. Sometimes I’m really glad I’m a multi with OCS and mostly female muses, it helps avoid ever reaching the point where I’m just getting too many followers to keep up with, but giving yourself a cut-off isn’t a bad thing people. Trying to do too much is.

There, I have successfully pissed off a ton of people, but I’m not taking it back. There’s way too much immaturity on this matter on here, and it’s really a litmus test of the people who HAVE been in group hobbies that are interdependent of cooperation of all members offline, and those who haven’t. “It’s my hobby” isn’t this get of of jail free card you get to wave everywhere when you want to ignore people. You can’t pull that in most hobbies that involve more than one person, whatever it may be, if it’s a DND group, rec sports, chess, whatever. This is my hobby too. I just probably take hobbies and commitment to other people to a more...respectful level. If I have real life, or physical issues, of course that takes priority, but here’s a little secret...we ALL, like 99% of the community, have some degree of mental health, nuerodivergence, jobs, home life, chronic physical issues. I want you to single me out the mun that doesn’t have any of that impacting their writing capabilities to some degree. Please, find them for me. You having those things doesn’t make you special and if you can’t communicate that it’s too much, you need the “flood of follows” from your promo circulating but can’t ever write...I’m just sighing over here.

If any of these opinions rub you wrong, I don’t mind you just unfollowing,that’s fine. No one is forcing you to remain. I strongly believe the people that don’t want to remotely take it seriously, and the people that do take it more seriously, should just keep to themselves, that way no one is getting offended by the other for how they choose to enjoy their hobby. You should enjoy it, goddamnit!!! But NOT at the expense of stringing other people along. Communication is kind of essential here, as much as people want to go “I’m too shy, BLOCK”, but y’all I have ADHD, RSD, social anxiety (I used to live in an anxiety attack it was so bad), and I still do my best to communicate with people even on uncomfortable topics. If I can manage, so can you. And if you CAN’T be mature...and communicate...then mayhaps stick to fanfic until you learn how.

#;out of the south #;munday #DUMPTRUCK OF SALT ALERT #watch my follower count go off the cliff i really don't care #hey nonny nonny #;little asks are made of gunpowder and lead

[divineluce]

An Overdue Encounter || Rio & Luce

Location: Scribe HQ

Timing: Early July 2nd

Tagging: @3starsquinn & @divineluce

Summary: Both a little battered and broken, Rio and Luce do a some digging to figure out what exactly is up with Remmy’s strange necklace.

Orion always felt weird showing the Scribrary off to people for the first time. Though, technically since Luce had been here before with Winston part of those nerves should technically be null and void, right? Well any normal human without anxiety would certainly think that made sense. Unfortunately, Rio wasn’t one of those normal humans. Instead, he was a bucket of nerves around Luce. Both because he didn’t know her and because he had never been instead of the building with her before. Plus, it didn’t help that he was still sporting the black eye, split cheek and wrist brace following his encounter with the trolls. The pain in his ribs had settled a bit at least. It was no longer the main source of his pain, a subtle pain surrounding his torso in its place. The bruising around his stomach and back from the tree and subsequent fall to the ground had done a number on him. But the ribs really only hurt if he took too deep of a breath. Or laughed too loudly. Or moved. “Hey there. So uh- Winston showed you the place already, I know. Did they take you to the main library area?” 

For about the twentieth time this week, Luce was thankful that she drove a big ass 4x4. It could handle the rough terrain outside of town easily and meant that, instead of hauling ass through the woods, she was able to drive at least a good chunk of the way. Still, the effort reminded her that her ribs were still very much broken. And no amount of human medicine could fix this particular problem. No, only time could heal her broken ribs. Time, or her mother finding out what they’d done. Nope. She could suffer through the pain. As the Scribe building came into view she saw that Rio the Pink Haired Kid, as she’d been thinking of them, was now Rio the Blue Haired Kid. The really fucking beat up blue haired kid, what the fuck? Taking in his appearance, Luce let out a low whistle. “You look about as good as I feel and I was in the hospital all last weekend. Fuck. What happened to you?” She asked. “And yeah, they did. We mostly stayed in the area about real fexted up shit.” Luce joked. 

Orion was willing to admit that he was very intimidated by Luce. She seemed confident and social and way too cool to hang out around someone like Rio. Not that the two were necessarily hanging out. This was business, of sorts. Rio and Winston were Scribes, for lack of a better word at least. Helping people like this was supposed to be what they did. So Rio was here to help Luce in spite of how awkward it may be. “Ah, uh accident.” Rio shrugged, trying to downplay the total breakdowns he had been having the entire week. “Or well, I got attacked. Which was sort of an accident. But it looks worse than it actually is.” That probably wasn’t true, considering his ribs, but it was mostly true. He healed quickly. “Great! Well then we’re off to a good start. We can head in and start figuring out which sections we need to pull.” Rio motioned Luce to follow him. He paused by the tree to that he used to open the barrier and slipped inside the building once it had revealed itself. “So what information are you looking for?”

“An accident. I call bullshit on that. What attacked you?” Luce asked as she followed Rio inside the library and immediately sneezed as she entered the dusty building. The reaction sent a wave of pain through her ribs and she let out a strangled groan of pain, clutching her ribs. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She muttered, shaking her head as she leaned against one of the nearby bookshelves. Pain ran up the entire right side of her body and she took a few deep breaths to steady herself. It took longer than she wanted, but eventually the pain subsided and she was able to stand on her own. “Uh…” She said, brain buffering in the aftermath. There was so much that she wanted to know. Needed to know. About her magic, why the flames still felt low. About Bea, and why she had come back so different. But, the first thing that came to mind was the way that Remmy had writhed on the ground of Bea’s house, clutching at the necklace. At the way she’d felt magic coursing through them. Familiar magic, that she couldn’t quite place. “Do you know if there’d be a book about… magical items that can hurt people? Like… fucked up necklaces or anything like that?”

 Clearly, Luce didn’t believe Orion. Not that he could blame her. Rio’s face looked pretty intentionally damaged. But Rio liked to stick to it that something had gone wrong during their encounter. If only he could have figured out a way to stop the trolls from attacking. “Trolls attacked me. But it was sort of an accident. Or like a misunderstanding. It shouldn’t have gone down the way it did.” Rio didn’t know how much to tell Luce. Didn’t even know if she cared to hear about Rio’s personal life. Rio certainly didn’t need to relive that moment over and over again. Not that he could help it much, when his brain refused to do anything but play it over and over again every time he closed eyes. Speaking of that, what was hurting Luce? She was cursing up a storm and gripping at her side in pain. It looked exactly like Rio had done a few days ago. “Hey uh- you okay there?” She certainly didn’t seem okay for a minute, until she rested against the bookshelf long enough to reclaim herself. “I uh-” Rio paused, considering the topic before answering again, “Maybe magical artifacts? Either that or it’s worth checking the section on hunting. Could be some kind of gross, screwed up hunter’s tool.” He groaned. He had been avoiding the section written for and by hunters since he got here. He knew enough about that twisted world. He didn’t need any other knowledge. Until maybe now it seemed. “How were they hurt? Like physically harmed? Mentally?”    Rio turned a corner, sharp and walked down the rows, cutting into an aisle and pausing near a stack of books talking about magical artifacts, “There’s a couple of Scribe stories in here specifically about tools and artifacts local to White Crest. May be a good start assuming your friend lives in town?”

Still recovering from the bout of pain, Luce did her best to focus on Rio’s weird ass words. An accident with trolls? A misunderstanding? What the fuck? “A mix up with trolls? You know? Sure. That makes about as much sense as anything else in this town.” She said with a grimace and a shake of her head. If that was what he said happened, that was what happened. Waving their concern away with a hand, Luce nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just some fucked up ribs, that’s all.” She dismissed his concern. She didn’t really want his pity-- or anyones. She just wanted to get some information and get out of here. “A hunter tool… What do you mean by that?” She asked as she followed Rio through the winding bookshelves of the library. Yeah, she knew about Hunters, knew that there were different people who specialized in different things. But she always just thought they ran around with guns or swords or stakes. Nothing fancy or anything like that. “Uh… Physically, I think. I’m not sure.” She said, flexing her hand as she trailed behind him. Even though it was just a memory now, Luce could feel the flow of magic, still tingling across her fingers. “They’re not my friend.” She said, the words coming out as a knee jerk reaction. “They’re just someone I know. And they don’t,” She paused, trying to sift through the words buzzing in her head, “They shouldn’t be hurt like that. But yeah. They live in White Crest.”

Considering Luce had just brought her sister back from the dead, Orion knew that she knew about the supernatural. At least when it came to magic stuff. So he nodded, “Yeah that’s uh- sorta my philosophy when I learn new things now too. Just try to go with the flow.” Refusing to go with the flow could get people killed in this town. What a coincidence, Luce’s ribs were injured too?” Oh really? That’s so weird I-” He trailed off, considering that maybe he shouldn’t finish that sentence. If he came clean about his ribs being broken, then Luce might rightfully wonder why Rio wasn’t in more pain. He was honestly, but the hunter healing had already started working and the pain was more of a constant, but dull stinging. Way more manageable than it had been the first few days after he had been attacked. “The troll uh, punched me. In my side. So I’m pretty sore too. But yours sounds… more serious. Did you break anything?” Rio asked Luce. Were the injuries from the spell? He couldn’t be sure, but it made him nervous. If something like that had happened, how did Winston escape with just a scar and weird magic?

“Uh- hunters that specifically go after the supernatural? There’s sort of a… code that a lot of them follow, but not everyone. Some will kill indiscriminately. And some like to… play with their victims. With magic and some other torture devices. From what I’ve read. It could be something like that.” He certainly hoped that wasn’t the case. Especially for Luce’s friend. Or her not friend. Whoever it was that Luce knew. “But I agree, nobody deserves to be treated like that.” Rio settled on the books that he pulled and made his way through more aisles until he got to the hunter section. It was the dustiest section, one that Rio very rarely pulled from and mostly ignored. He had spent so little time over here that he wasn’t even sure what he should be looking for, so he studied the books carefully as he spoke, “So… You seem to know a lot about magic.” Rio began, eyes trained on the book titles so he didn’t have to meet Luce’s eyes. “Can you do magic too? That spell… that Winston helped with. The books don’t make it sound like a one person job. Actually even with multiple people it still usually fails from the sounds of it. So they had to have help from other magic users, yeah?”

“A troll punched you. Well, how about that.” Luce said, casting a look of surprise at the kid. As beat up as he was, he definitely didn’t look like he’d been beat to shit by a troll. Must have gotten lucky? The troll must have whiffed the punch. Rio wasn’t exactly a bulky, Dwayne the Rock Johnson looking guy. He honestly looked like a stiff breeze might knock him over. But, she really didn’t care to know about his situation. If he said it was an accident, it was an accident. She had more important things to worry about and so did he. “Doesn’t matter, it’s healing.” She said with a dismissive wave as they continued to walk between shelves and rows of books. 

At his explanation, Luce resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew what hunters were, yeah. She just didn’t think that they would ever torture people. Weren’t they just meant to keep people safe? But, as he continued speaking, her eyes narrowed. “Play with their victims? Torture devices? Fuck.” She said shaking her head. Was Remmy being hunted? Had someone figured out they were a zombie and wasn’t satisfied with just killing them? Was that what was going on there? As Rio began to scrutinize the various books, Luce trailed behind him, not sure what she was meant to be looking for. None of the titles made much sense to her-- there weren’t any books called “Fucked Up Cursed Necklaces And How To Destroy Them.” At his question, Luce reached for the magic within her, but came back with nothing but barely glowing embers amidst ash. Her jaw clenched at that. It had been a week since they’d brought her back. And yet, her magic was still burning low. She had to get it back, had to make sure it came back. “Yeah. I can.” She answered, not bothering to say more than that. “What about that book?” She asked, pointing to what looked like an old hunter manual.

One thing Orion noticed about Luce was that she didn’t seem to ask a lot of questions. He appreciated it right now. The last thing he wanted to do was try to explain how he got away from them or what he did to it. She seemed to move on from the topic pretty quickly too. Flippantly disregarding any concern for her injuries and trying to focus back on the subject at hand. Rio didn’t have much choice but to oblige. Not that he’d try to dig any deeper regardless. He had already learned the repercussions of trying to dig too deeply into someone’s life. “Yeah uh- some hunters aren’t all about that sense of duty or honor or whatever. There are some sick, sick people out there.” Rio shivered at the thought, his mind jumping to the basement of his parent’s house. He wished that memory magic wasn’t as dangerous as Luce said it was. Maybe he could make himself forget the basement. 

So Luce was a spell-caster too? Did that run in families? The hunter gene was not necessarily genetic though it did some to be more prevalent in parents that were hunters. Maybe magic was similar? But it certainly helped explain how something like necromancy could be accomplished. Rio shook the thought away and grabbed the book that Luce had pointed out, “Definitely worth a try.” He added it to the ever growing stuck tucked beneath his arm. “We can set up at one of the tables around the corner here. We’ve got a lot of reading to do.”

“You can say that again,” Luce murmured, her mind going back to Montgomery’s home and how it stood as a tribute to cruelty and death. She’d seen the wings of pixies and Fae pinned up in boxes, she’d seen the jars full of the heads of Montgomery’s victims, had seen her own sister’s held in one herself. She knew just how cruel hunters could be. How vicious they could be. The idea that Remmy might be facing someone who would toy with them until they died… She swallowed. “Yeah, people do some really fucking sick things just because they can. I don’t want that to happen to anyone else.” 

“Sounds good to me.” She said and followed him towards one of the tables. Brushing off a layer of dust with her hand, Luce immediately sat down at one of the chairs and began to flick through the pages. Studying. Reading. This sort of shit had never been her forte. Not in school, not during the coven tutoring sessions, not at home when her mother had tried to drill into her brain the nuances of how their magic could be expanded beyond just the flame. But, she needed to figure shit out. She needed to find out why Remmy was wearing that fucked up necklace, how she could get it off, and make sure that they were safe. As the minutes ticked away, Luce looked over at Rio. “How did you and Winston find this place anyways?”

Orion has studying down pat now. He was becoming surprisingly good at picking out keywords by now. He can scan through multiple pages a minute, sometimes multiple books if he was hyped up enough on energy drinks. Today, he stuck with the one and flipped through page after page trying to find something that stuck out to him. He was starting with magical artifacts. He was afraid reading the hunter manual would mess with his mind too much. “Well, long story uh- There used to be these people that called themselves Scribes. Not sure if you would’ve heard of them they’ve been mostly defunct since the late 80’s.” Rio began explaining, unsure how much information someone may have on the subject. He figured most people around their age had never heard of the Scribes before. “But my uncle knew of them. He was one of them for a little bit before it shut down. He showed this building to me once when I was a kid and a few months ago I... found myself back” That was a simple explanation, but the truth of it. There wasn’t much more to it than that. “As for Winston, well I don’t know how they did it, but they sleepwalked in here one night out of nowhere. I was... sleeping here at the time and happened to run into them. We had only met once before that but well I guess the rest is history.” He couldn’t stop himself from grinning at the thought. How lucky Rio had been, to be sleeping here that night. 

Rio got back to studying, abandoning a book in favor of a new one. This one was written by a hunter, who happened to also be a scribe. So much for neutrality. He dove into the book, searching for anything that may stick out. “I don’t want to... ask too much about your acquaintance because it’s none of my business. But are they something other than a normal human? Like would they have abilities that needed suppressed? It may help narrow down the search.”

Listening to Rio speak, Luce looked at some of the diagrams drawn in the book she had selected. It was some kind of fucked up trap, some monstrous combination of jagged silver teeth and springs. No doubt it was meant to capture werewolves in the most painful way possible. The thought of a hunter going after Ulfric, or Ariana, trapping them in something like that? It put a bitter taste in her throat. But, this wasn’t what she was looking for. She needed to focus. “Scribes. Seems like they took the title seriously, this place is like a fucking warehouse of books.” She said gesturing around them. As Rio explained the circumstances of how Winston came to find the massive library,  “Hm. Sounds like the two of you were at the right place at the right time. Worked out well.” She nodded before shutting the book. This was just all about how to trap things, not how to keep them controlled.

Luce let out a quick puff of air, blowing a few strands of hair from her eyes. She didn’t really want to go spilling Remmy’s secrets to someone, but… She didn’t really have a choice. And besides, it’s not like Rio knew who they were. She hadn’t even told him their name. “They’re a zombie. They’ve been wearing this necklace for a couple weeks-- I didn’t even really pay attention to it. But, something happened the other day and it… brought them to the ground. They were screaming. In pain.” Luce grimaced at the memory, her fingers clenching into a fist against the table. “I need to know what that thing is and how to destroy it.”

Orion nodded, “They did. A little too serious sometimes, probably.” It had to be one of the reasons why they eventually fell. “They kept records of hundreds of years of supernatural history. Maybe more. They had chapters all over the world. But they were a little... stubborn.” Rio tried to think of the easiest way to sum up their collapse, “They didn’t want to modernize. So they died out.” 

A zombie? Maybe this friend was Morgan. Or maybe it was connected to Morgan or Ashley or whoever was turning others into zombies in this town. It didn’t matter at this point, all that mattered was that something was torturing zombies. “I’ve actually been trying to do some readings about zombies recently. I don’t know a ton about them, but I bet whatever it is they use to suppress their abilities.” Rio hopped off of the table where he had been resting and turned to Luce, “I’m going to go try to find some books specifically about Slayers. We may have better luck finding something specific to the undead.”

“Makes sense. Gotta change with the times, or you’ll get left in the dust.” Luce brushed her hand over the cover of one of the leather bound books, nose wrinkling. “Literally.” A part of her wondered if that was what Rio was doing here, trying to bring the Scribes into the modern day. But, a much larger part of her just didn’t care. Maybe another time, under different circumstances, she would have been interested to figure out just how he knew about this, how his uncle was aware of the Scribes to begin with. But, she shelved that thought. She had more important things to worry about.

“I know… a bit.” Luce said, the words seeming to stick in the back of her throat. She could still remember what it felt like, waking up as a zombie through Morgan’s memories. She could still remember how incapable of feeling anything at all, she had been. “Their sense of touch, it’s muted. Really, really muted. It’s like being underwater, but it’s like… it’s like there’s an ocean of distance between you and your skin.” She shuddered, forcing the memory from her mind. Was that how Remmy felt? All the time? “Yeah. Slayer shit. That might be the place to look.” Luce said, grabbing a random book from the stack. As she did, she noticed a small section in the book about ghosts… As she stared at the scribblings, note in the margin from a human exorcist, she swallowed. Ghosts. They had a way of making their way back to those they’d developed a… fondness for. A shiver went down her spine as she stared at the looping handwriting. “Slayers, they deal with, vampires, zombies, that sort of thing, right? They wouldn’t come after someone who… was brought back?” She asked as she thumbed through the pages. 

Orion chuckled at Luce’s  joke, “Exactly.” But despite all the flaws that the old scribes had, they still had the ability to help a lot of people through their text. If Rio could turn that into something modern and useful, maybe he’d be able to make something of the life his parents had tried to force on him.

“Muted” Rio repeated the phrase back to himself, latching onto the words that Luce spoke. “I was told once that they don’t feel pain like humans do. So it must be something like you described. Muted.” Rio searched through the hunter catalogue again until finding some information regarding slayers. It was the only branch of hunters that Rio wasn’t very familiar with. Growing up in a household of beast hunters and wardens, they knew about vampires and zombies but had never been appropriately taught about them. As he passed Luce to head back to the table he noticed the book she was holding and paused. “I- don’t know honestly. I think it depends on the hunter.” He wished he had a better answer for Luce. He could only assume that this had to do with her sister. “As long as everything went right... she should technically be alive, y’know? The undead don’t have heartbeats and they can only survive on blood or flesh from the living. Those are totally different.” He didn’t know if that helped or not. He couldn’t be sure because he didn’t know all of Bea’s situation. Rio crawled back onto the table and rested his feet against one of the old chairs. “I know a slayer. He’s not.... I don’t know if I can trust him fully. He seems like a good person, but I don’t know his philosophy on the undead. I could ask if he knows anything about the necklaces?”

“Yeah. It’s nothing like being human at all.” Luce replied, her fingers flexing, as though to remind herself that she was still here. She was still human. She was still alive. Swallowing, she listened to Rio intently. The last thing she wanted was for their efforts to have only put Bea in further danger. She was aware of the consequences that came with going against nature, knew that everything had a price that must be paid. But, she wasn’t going to let her sister pay it again. “Fair enough.” She murmured, scanning the pages with ever growing dismay. Just as she was about to shut the book in frustration, her finger came to rest on a picture of a… large armband? Something used to cripple creatures. To keep them malleable, easy to work with. “No-- no, Rio. Look. This. Do you think this might be what someone’s using on them?”

It’s nothing like being human at all. Orion had always been so sure that despite the differences, supernatural species were still human. Even though werewolves changed form and vampires had previously died, at their core they were still human beings. But was that fair of Rio to determine? Morgan was adamant that she was a zombie now. Not a human, but a person. Ariana seemed content identifying as a werewolf instead of a human being. Was it fair for him to thrust that upon them if they didn’t even want to be human? Could he blame them? He furrowed his brow, pondering this along with Luce’s statement. Maybe they really weren’t like humans at all. It didn’t change Rio’s point of view or his morals. They still didn’t deserve to die. Or worse, live through the torture that some humans put them through. When Luce found something, Rio perked up from his position and practically crawled across the table to take a look. “Interesting. How the heck did they build something that helps neutralize the undead like that? Some kind of magic or drug maybe? Either way, they would have to have a way to refuel the magic or resupply the drug. That means someone in town would have to know about it.” Rio guessed. This was nothing more than a hypothesis, and one without much backing either. His expertise wasn’t within magic or supernatural drugs. “Hey if you want to like... borrow a couple of these books to do your own research you can. I just need to log which ones you take. And uh- I’ll sorta need them back. Eventually at least.”

“It’s gotta be magic. If it was a drug, there’d have to be some kind of like… needle or something attached to it right?” Luce said, her brow furrowing as she tried to figure out the diagram that sat before her. “Yeah… They’d need a source or some kind of like, transmitter at the very least.” She said, pushing the book away in disgust. The fact that someone, anyone, would ever make a device like that was horrifying. Not that she had any room to talk. She’d done some terrible things herself. Swallowing, she pushed the images of August from her mind. No. That had been different. August had deserved every last ounce of his suffering. Remmy… they’d never done anything to warrant the kind of pain she’d seen them in. At Rio’s words, Luce blinked in surprise. “Are you sure? I… Yeah. I’d appreciate that.”

Knowing nothing about supernatural drugs (or real drugs for that matter), Orion was going to take Luce’s word on that. It made sense. Unless there was a drug that could slip in through pores to enter the blood system. That wasn’t completely outside of the realm of possibility, but magic certainly seemed more likely. It wouldn’t have been the first time that hunters and magic had teamed up for some mutually beneficial cause. “That would imply that whoever is doing either must either know magic or has connections with someone that can do it, right? I don’t know if that narrows things down at all.” How many spell casters were in this town? The number was probably higher than Rio thought it was. “And yeah- totally serious. Winston and I are working on trying to digitize the information here. So that it’s more easily accessible to those that need it. But uh- as you can probably see, we have our work cut out for us on that. So, I don’t think we will be pressed if you borrow some stuff for a while. I’ll just want it back eventually so I can start to move it over.” Rio pulled his laptop from his book bag and pulled up the tracker that he had created when Blanche started stealing books. If people would be coming in and out with different books, Rio wanted a way to keep track of it. “I’ll just log anything you end up taking in here. So I know which ones are gone right now? If that’s okay.”

“It does, yeah.” Luce said, her troubled expression only growing even more. If there was some kind of magic user who was out here, making these kind of torture devices, they had to be stopped. They were a danger to the community, to everyone. If they could cripple Remmy like that, they could kill anyone in an instant. She had to make sure that whoever was responsible for these things got dealt with. Ideally, in a permanent way. Luce regarded Rio in a new light. He really was just a… good kid, wasn’t he? Trying to do his best or whatever. “Yeah. Sure, okay.” She said, grabbing her phone and typing down the name of the book she was currently looking at. Luce skimmed through one of the other books and her fingers fell on a section on ghosts, poltergeists, something called kinterwibs and other kinds of hauntings. Jaw tightening, she added it to the pile. “I’m gonna be taking these two. But, uh… I think I found out about as much as I can here.” She said, awkwardly shifting as best as she could without jarring her ribs. “Thanks, Rio.”

Orion was a bit relieved that Luce seemed ready to leave. He had been trying to hide how much pain he had been in since he forced himself out of bed to head over towards the forest. Rio hadn’t even really wanted to come, but whatever Luce was looking into had seemed pretty important. “Thanks. For logging that. I know it seems stupid being a mostly abandoned library and all. But.. I just want to make sure to get as much information as I can.” Rio added the books to his list and slowly crawled down from the table and began gathering his things. “Of course. Happy to help. Winston’s super important to me. So all of their friends are too.” Rio shrugged, slowly pulling his arms through the book bag. “And I’m happy to help with anything else you may need to. Anything you tell me is strictly confidential, cool?”

Grabbing the two books from the table, Luce did her best to rise from the chair without twinging her ribs. She grimaced at Rio’s words. What the fuck was up with people in this town saying that the things they did was stupid? First Remmy, now Rio. Christ. “It’s not stupid, it’s clearly important to you. Don’t discount what you’re doing like that.” She muttered, with a shake of her head. “But yeah. Thanks. I’ll make sure to get these back to you when I’m done.” Luce said with a nod. She bristled a little at the sound of friends, but did her best to push that feeling down. Winston was… yeah. She guessed they were a friend. More family than friend at this point, but Rio didn’t need to know that. That said, he didn’t need to know any more about her than he already did. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She said before heading out of the library, shoulders squared as she pushed through the doorway. Sweet kid, naive, a little too trusting, a little too kind. She hoped nothing else happened to him. As she walked out to her 4x4, Luce looked down at the books in her hands, at the thick leather-bound volumes. She had a lot of reading ahead of her. But, if it meant stopping Remmy’s pain, she’d do it.

#p: orion quinn #p: aoe #chatzy #wickedswriting

[jpegjade]

Avoidant Personality Disorder and me!

i’m just talking at this point but i have avoidant personality disorder along with all my other shit. it’s actually reasonably rare? less than 200,000 cases are recorded every year in the US. so what does that mean? 

APD is categorized by poor self-esteem, intense fear of rejection and being negatively judged by others, and very uncomfortable in social situations. 

so what are the symptoms of APD in me? 

- They are oversensitive and easily hurt by criticism or disapproval.: bro i’m fucking sensitive. like tell me i did one thing wrong and i will start CRYING. i used to shut down completely when it came to my ex best friend telling me that i was wrong about my thoughts of my favorite marvel characters even though IT WAS FUCKING HEAD CANONS??? HOW CAN I BE WRONG ABOUT MY IMAGINATION OF THOR NEVER COOKING FOR HIMSELF SO HE ACCIDENTALLY SET THE MICROWAVE ON FIRE THE FIRST TIME HE TRIED MAKING POPCORN.

- They have few, if any, close friends and are reluctant to become involved with others unless certain of being liked.: i have 1 close friend where i am bc it’s incredibly hard for me to make friends in general. like making new friends and meeting new people is really fucking hard for me. even talking to people is hard bc i’m always scared they wont like me or i’ll say the wrong thing? and they’ll hate me? i want to make a friend in my best friend’s friend bc he’s a cutie and really nice but i am literally a shit show. i mean the guy thinks i’m “funny and really cool” but like... it’s hard to actually see myself as someone’s friend, ya know? especially the friend of a cute guy? i mean my best friend is a cutie but it’s a total been there, already done him kind of thing. (im rambling)

- They experience extreme anxiety (nervousness) and fear in social settings and in relationships, leading them to avoid activities or jobs that involve being with others. the biggest portion of my job is me sitting at home working. i only have to interact with people for a few hours max so it can be overwhelming to do the interaction but i have ample time to decompress and get the work done. 

- They tend to be shy, awkward, and self-conscious in social situations due to a fear of doing something wrong or being embarrassed.: oh god am i incredibly awkward. in fact, even over the internet, i will not talk to you unless you talk to me bc im terrified of fucking up, not bc i dont like you. like i have love for so many people that i havent talked to but damnit im terrified that you will hate me if i say something and it comes off the wrong way. 

- They tend to exaggerate potential problems.: AHAHAHA i love doing this. i will literally say “i will die if i have to do this.” i’ll make something seem like a bigger problem than it is bc im being dramatic. but some problems seem to be bigger than they really end up being but it genuinely feels like the world is in front of me and i have to tackle all of it. 

- They seldom try anything new or take chances.: if i don’t know the outcome, you can bet your ass that i’m not doing it. nope. nada. do you know how long it took me to write my first spencer fic here? a longass time and even then, it was a longshot that i even put it out there. 

- They have a poor self-image, seeing themselves as inadequate and unappealing.: I’m not the worst looking person. but you wont ever catch me saying that i’m pretty or that i think i’m the smartest person in the room. like i have really cool accomplishments but i feel like everyone else is smarter than me, prettier than me, more anything than me. 

#apd #apd problems #mental health

[rouletterook]

Assumptions - Colson Baker

Summary - The reader calls it quits with Colson due to him appearing to be cheating. While on vacation with a new boyfriend, the reader finds more unexpected news.

Authors Note - This is like 3.5k/3.6k words so uh I’m sorry. I wanted this to be as non-cliche as I could to keep it fresh ya know. Also shout out to the cult for inspo because I had no idea how to make it not cliche.

--

August 29

"Y/N-"

"I said I don't even want to look at him," you snapped. "What's done is done. I don't need a sad, poor me story about what happened."

"Hear me out, just for a second, don't you think it's a little unfair for you to-"

"Drop him like a sack of shit? Nope. I saw the pictures from so many different people each with the same thing at a different angle," you said wiping the tears from your face. 

"You are being so difficult, oh my god," your friend Chris sighed into his phone. "Me and Daniel need to take you out and find you a gay dad approved guy because obviously something you're doing ain't working," he joked half-heartedly.

"I'm just over everything. I want to curl up in a little ball and sleep forever." When you first saw the pictures, you were sprawled across your bed with a Netlifx comedy special queued up. As you checked the notifications that suddenly flooded your phone, you felt a stabbing in your chest. Each message from friends and family had the same subject matter, Colson. Tears built in your eyes as you swiped through what had been sent your way. You thought maybe it was a joke, that he didn't have his arms slung around some girl while his head was tucked in her neck. Everything solidified in your mind when a TMZ article was posted to Twitter. 

"You don't get to die, Y/N. Daniel says 'Fuck him, he ain't shit, and you're a bombass bitch.' Honestly, as much as I hate to say it, Daniel is right for once don't listen to what I said about giving him a chance to explain himself. Get your things from his house, avoid him at all costs, no calls, no texts, I don't care what he says and neither should you, and I'll be booking a flight shortly for you to come and visit us up here in the Bay," he directed. Knowing Chris, he was already searching for the next flight upstate for you. 

"I know Baze is home sick, I'll probably have him pack up what I left there and bounce over to drop it off," you thought aloud with a small sniffle. You would have fought back immensely to the idea of them booking you a flight but you knew it's what you really needed and there was no way of talking him out of that. "Wait I still have to break up with him, no? That'll entail me talking to him," you pointed out.

"He'll get the hint when you start ghosting his ass," Daniel yelled from the background reassuring you.

"Yeah, get that Basil kid to do that. Do me a favor though and rest up and I'll send your flight stuff out when I have everything, m'kay? I love you sis. Sorry, WE love you," he corrected himself as Daniel interrupted from the background again.

"I love you guys more than you could ever know. I will rest up and see you both soon."

"G'night mamas."

"Sweet dreams my loves."

You tossed your phone on the pillows after the call ended and rolled over on your back. The tears began to make a reappearance again. This time you didn't know their cause. It could have been the loving and caring nature of Chris and Daniel but it could have also been the event that spun the night in an unplanned direction or the stress and anxiety of what the next few days entailed for you. 

You reached for your phone that had lit up with a new notification.

Chrisss

You have a flight into SJ tomorrow departing at 9 am. I KNOW IT'S EARLY but I need you safe up here ASAP :)) sleep well sis 

You texted back a thank you and I love you with a big smile on your face after he sent you what you needed to fly out. As much as you were not looking forward to being up so early, you knew it was probably for the best. 

You glanced at the time to see it was already 10:05. You shot a quick text to Baze, hoping he was still awake considering he wasn't feeling too well, asking him to box up your belongings and you'll be over in 15 to pick them up. Within seconds your phone was vibrating with a phone call.

"He-"

"Why am I doing this?" he sniffled over the sound of things being knocked around.

"Have you been on Twitter or any social media for that matter?" you questioned with a bit of attitude. You genuinely didn't mean to come off in any aggressive way but as imaginable the topic was very raw and you didn't want to explain everything to him in his condition.

"No but right now I don't wanna know if that's the case. Social media is wild sometimes."

"You sound so stuffy! Are you feeling any better?" you asked trying to steer clear of the subject. You, as mean as it may sound, were happy Baze was under the weather because it meant he wasn't connecting dots as fast or at all for that matter.

"No and I can't sleep and I'm bored because nobody is home, so I'm glad you gave me something to do," you could tell he was smiling just by his tone. You and Baze were very close, almost like siblings that were never around each other too often but knew each other like the alphabet.

"Well, I will be by in a few to pick up my stuff and I'll hang out for a little if you're down but I have some stuff early tomorrow so I can't stay long," you offered understanding how bored he must feel while the guys are out cheating and doing God knows what else at this point.

May 19

"Brandon, shut up no he didn't," you laughed.

"I swear to God, Christian jumped the gate and into the little pond thing," he recalled, “and then the audacity to get in my car with his soaking wet clothes. 

"You guys are insane," you smiled shaking your head.

"Just wait, we've only been together for what 5 months? After 6 months, nothing will surprise you," he joked grabbing your hand. 

You and Brandon had met shortly after your split with Colson. Once your stuff was removed from his house, you took it upon yourself to block him in every way possible before you got scolded by Chris and Daniel. You stayed with the guys for two weeks and regrouped yourself. You kept in contact with Rook, Slim, Baze and the rest of them but it was becoming less and less until it eventually stopped. It was sad to lose the guys but with everything that happened it was eventually going to come down to it. Once you got home from the Bay Area, there was no outreach from Colson in any way, shape, or form. Considering you blocked him, he was very limited in what he could do but you still felt as though there were lengths he would go to if he really loved you. 

Around late September, you decided to get back into the dating scene. You went out here and there but there were no guys that stood out like you were hoping. In early December, things began to look up. You were at the store picking up a few things when you noticed him. He obviously had noticed you as well because as you made your way down the aisle he would pick up various foods and make up puns. At first, it was a bit weird but after a couple you couldn't help but laugh. 

Although you had not been together for very long, he decided he wanted to take you on his annual vacation with his friends to Cancún. You insisted you were fine to stay back in L.A. and let him go off and have fun but he insisted you come to be around the people he hangs out with, however it has mainly been you and him spending couple time together.

"Oh, lets go over there," you pointed to a small corner of the beach where there were no people. "I want to get a few good pictures."

"Hey, I'll meet you over there in a second, yeah? Get us some drinks," he said gesturing back to the bar. You nodded and began your little trek while he grabbed drinks. In all honesty, you were relieved to get some breathing time away from him. You expected this trip to be more of a trip with his friends with little couple time rather than just the two of you with occasional time with them.

You spent the next few minutes snapping pictures of the scenery. It was peaceful and you felt calm and spiritually cleansed for the first time since August. 

"Y/N," you heard your name in an accent you knew all too well. "Over here." You took a deep breath and plastered a smile on your face before turning to the voice. 

"You've got to be kidding me? I can't believe you guys are here," you laughed seeing Rook and Slim walking toward you, Rook waving wildly.  

"It's been a while," Slim said reaching out for a hug.

"Yeah, for sure." You gave each of them a hug, something you haven't done in so long and something you missed. 

"So, what brings you to-?" he asked gesturing to your surroundings to explain location.

"My boyfriend and I are taking a trip with some friends," you briefed attempting to not reveal too much.

"Oh, so that's your boyfriend we saw?" Rook gasped in a sarcastic manner. "That's her boyfriend we saw," he repeated nudging Slim and then over to the bar. 

"How long have you guys been together?" Slim asked trying his best to ignore the drummer and not laugh.

"Wait, what the hell is your problem?" you snapped at Rook only causing him to burst into a fit of laughter and walk away from the conversation. You rolled your eyes knowing he was anxious about something and turned to Slim for answer.

"Listen, so we saw you and Brandon walking around and we thought we were tripping because we haven't seen you in-"

"Wait, how do you know his name?" you asked with a confused look. You couldn't take your mind to figure out where they were going with this.

"You'll figure out, just give me a minute. Like I was saying, we were trippin and Kells was damn near ready to chase you down and before he could you guys were off somewhere. So we said, in regular fashion, lets go to the bar," he explained.

"Shhh, listen to this," Rook interrupted handing you his phone. 

"What is it?" you asked once seeing it was a video of him with a Snapchat filter. “Why?”

"You’re still our kiddo and we are gonna look out for you no matter what," Slim said before turning away from you and rubbing his face and neck.

“Whether we talk anymore or not,” Rook added.

You turned the volume up and hit play on the video. It started off with Rook making a dumb face with the filter with chatter in the background.

"Dude, there's some hot chick over there here for a girl weekend. I think I am gonna try and smash for sure," Brandon said. 

"Brandon, didn't you bring Y/N?" his friend responded. 

In the video, you saw Rooks expression change. His eyes went wide and he glanced around him hoping he wasn't the only one hearing what he just did.

"I've spent so much time with her so she won't suspect anything if I say I'm hanging out with my boys, right?" he laughed.

"After that video, Rook threw his phone at us and walked out of the place," Slim said still rubbing his neck nervously due to how you could respond to this news. 

"If I didn't, I was going to start a fight," Rook admitted. "And you don't like us fighting," he added with a laugh because it was true. You would always tell them not to fight because they were always ready if something went down.

"What the fuck?" you whispered handing Rook his phone and bringing your hands to cover your face, to cover the tears, embarrassment, it all. It was bad enough you trusted someone who was ready to turn on you so fast but the fact that you had to find out from old friends and friends of an ex at that was the icing on the cake.

"I know. C'mere," Rook whispered pulling you into him. He held you for a few minutes while you cried. "I'm still hyped up to deck him just say the word."

"I appreciate it," you tried to laugh knowing crying and moping will get you nowhere, it never did. You pulled away from him and wiped the tears from your cheeks. "Wow," you laughed trying to grasp the familiar event.

"I have some news that might cheer you up,” Slim smiled rubbing your back. 

“Yeah? Hit me,” you said still trying to calm yourself down.

“Kells never cheated on you that night. She wanted a picture with him and he was telling her something but you can't really hear over the club music. We could all see by the pictures that were released how it may have looked entirely different.”

"You've got to be kidding me," you screamed throwing your hands up and letting your emotions regain your body’s control. The sudden change in volume caused both men to jump a bit and weird looks to be thrown your way by other beach goers. "You're telling me, I let myself walk out on one of the best relationships I've had because I'm a closed minded bitch?" you yelled laughing and pacing in a small circle. You probably looked as if you escaped from the mental institute but you honestly didn't care.

"Don't trip, he hasn't stopped talking about getting you back the second he sees you in person so," Rook laughed shaking his head.  

"Do the house a favor though and just talk to him because he hasn't shut up about you in 9 months," Slim added with a laugh himself.

"What do I have to lose?" you shrugged as tears rolled down your face again. You gave in so easily to their request because in all honesty you had nothing to lose. You also trusted the guys with anything and everything. They could tell you the sky was a deep shade of maroon and you'd believe them. If they thought talking to Colson was going to fix something you were okay with it.

“Why didn't you do that earlier, you know, talk to him?” Rook questioned.

“I let my emotions run the game, I let Daniel and Chris talk me into cutting him out, I don't know,” you sighed.

“Those two are crazy,” Rook chuckled shaking his head. He had only met them a few times but he knew, just as well as you did, how crazy their actions and advice could be. 

"Um, I don't think we need that punch either Rook," Slim mumbled gesturing to a screaming Colson and Baze walking away from the bar.

"Talk to him," Rook whispered pointing at Colson. Him and Slim turned and began walking to Baze and the heated rapper leaving you near the edge of the water.

You watched as Baze explained something to the other two while Colson avoided the conversation by looking away, back towards the bar. During the conversation, you noticed gestures to you but nobody said anything to you directly. 

"GO TALK TO HER," Rook screamed at Colson. You couldn't help but laugh. You knew he had said it a thousand times and figured it was time to crank up the volume. He looked like a mom snapping at her kid.

Sure enough, it worked. Colson turned from the group and began to walk to where you were standing. As he made his way over, he kept his head low watching his feet push through the sand. When he finally looked up at you you felt your whole world stopped. His eyes were already red and puffy as if they were holding back tears and he was chewing on his lip.

"I'm sorry?" he choked out as more of a question.

"I'm sorry, I should've talked to you before I assumed that you would cheat on me and I messed up something so good," you rambled. He shook his head at you as if you didn't have anything to apologize about. 

"I should've went after you. I shouldn't have gotten that close with her to make it look like that in pictures. I'm sorry I left doubt in your mind that I loved you." He let the tears roll down his face as he spoke. "What am I- I still love you. I never stopped and you can ask any of those guys back there. I haven't stopped talking about you in 9 months. I always said the next time I saw you it was for a reason and I'd get my baby back.” He paused to catch his breath. By now, you both were heavily crying. You were almost certain he had moved on and wanted nothing to do with you. “When I saw you with that idiot, I don't even know what I was thinking. I was ready to run after you. It hurt to see you with another guy, even if it was just walking," he said as if it didn't even make sense to him. "When Rook showed me that video, I was livid. After they left to find you, he said some more out of pocket shit and you know I said something. I couldn't just sit there and let him run his mouth. He's a dick too, what the fuck were you thinking?" he laughed at the last part causing you to laugh through your heavy crying. 

"I don't even-," you choked out a half coherent thought causing him to laugh.

"I knew I fucked up when Baze said you picked up your stuff. I knew that you weren’t going to be easy to get ahold of but I knew you also needed time. I knew I had to get you back when I had to explain to my daughter how you wouldn't be around for the holidays. It felt wrong to have you missing. I want you back, so bad. I don't care if it's not right now. I just need to know we can still make us work," he whispered. His blue eyes met yours and you knew this whole situation was your second chance.

"I would be absolutely insane to let you go again," you admitted to him. His nerves visibly went away and were replaced with a mood lifting grin. He took a step towards you and engulfed you in a hug. One of the hugs that lift you off the ground forcing you to wrap your legs around his torso. You heard cheering from the three guy a distance away knowing they were happy to have everything back to where he was happy.

"I love you, I'm so sorry," you cooed placing a kiss on his cheek. 

"I love you more. If anyone asks, I didn't punch what's his face," he laughed.

"Colson Baker, I swear," you scolded.

"HI BRAD," Rook screamed flailing his arms. He was waving toward a bruised and bloody Brandon walking out of the bar. You couldn't contain your laughter at what you were watching. 

"What?" Colson asked still holding you up. You started laughing even more when he asked

"You actually went off on him and Rook just yelled the wrong name," you explained through giggles. 

July 3

You clasped your earring in your ear just as the doorbell rang. You rushed over to it, slipping down your dress in the process. You weren't expecting anyone over since you were getting ready to leave for work. You glanced out the peephole to see an all too familiar face.

“What are you doing?” you beamed at Colson on the other side of the door as you opened it.

“I wanted to see if you were busy,” he smiled admiring you. You missed his eyes on you when you were apart. There was something about him looking at you that made you confident in your skin.

“I have work today.” You made a pouty face that matched his less happy expression. 

“What about after work?” he offered raising his eyebrows. He was hopeful you’d be staying in with no plans. His intentions were written clear across his face.

“I might have an opening,” you whispered shyly. It felt like you and Colson had never been together. The surprise visits, innocent flirting, not so innocent flirting, cheeky gifts, everything from when you first were talking and dating were becoming the new norm.

“Can I drop you at work and pick you up then?” he asked leaning against the wall outside. 

“I mean,” you dragged on to add a little suspense but he saw right through it. 

“C’mon you dork,” he said laughing walking to his car leaving you to grab your things and follow after him.

“Hey, how’d you remember my address?” you asked catching up with him at his car.

“Because I never forget where my queen’s tower is,” he cheesed opening the car door for you. 

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker imagine #mgk imagine #mgk x reader #mgk #machine gun kelly imagine #colson baker #colson baker x reader

[psychefm]

talk to the hand [ TIMOTHEE CHALAMET ], [ REED ‘NEWT’ NEWTON ] is the new kid on the block around here. at [ TWENTY ], the [ CIS BOY] works at [ BABBAGE’S ] in the mall and, like, [ HE ] totally reminds us of [ CHANDLER BING ]. oh snap! what? their favorite movie is [ HOME ALONE ]???? so is mine!

ABOUT THE MUN.  i used to lie to y’all, my mom didn’t say no, i did

i hate this site man. and that’s it, that’s all you gotta know about me. 

BIO. good news!!!! i’ve successfully replaced all my emotions with jokes !!!! tw bullying

reed newton was born in london england to sylvia anne bixby and cornelius otis newton and honestly, he’s regretted it ever since.

newt was an accident. he was the product of one of his mother and father’s first ever lustful encounters, and their subsequent shotgun wedding so honestly they both spent most of newt’s formative years in the honeymoon period. some of newt’s earlier memories are of him walking in on his parents doing the devil’s tango in the broom closet and his nanny rushing to cover his eyes. good times. 

honestly newt walked in on his parents doing the do more times than any kid should have before the age of nine. and then he walked in on a parent doing the do with a non parent. in other words newt got an eyeful of his father and the pool boy and it wasn’t long after that that his parents went through a long and messy divorce. once again, good times. 

his mother decided to pack up their things and move herself and her nine year old very impressionable son to nebraska, because fuck that kid amiright. newt was quickly designated as the skinny weird nerdy kid with glasses and a funny little accent, and so as you can guess he was pretty mercilessly bullied from age nine to eighteen. he really never stood a chance.

i feel like this is a good time to mention that newt’s mother was a sex therapist, which is not the same as a regular therapist but still, therapist is in the name. he should have been able to talk to his parent in this time of strife and get some level of support right? nope. sylvia bixby is well known for writing a men are from mars, women are from venus like book on communication and dating and all that, so his mom was generally on book tour after book tour. but maybe she would have been supportive if she was ever actually around, right? again, nope. 

unbeknownst to newt whenever his mother was around she was not only just casually psycho analyzing her only child for shits and giggles, no, she as also writing about it. newt’s mother wrote an entire book about raising a highly repressed teenage son with newt as the star, and you can only guess what that did for newt’s stellar high social status in high school. nothing great. 

did newt ask her not to publish it once he realized she had wrote it? yes. did she still publish it? also yes. so newt and his mother no longer have the greatest relationship. holidays are awkward.

things were not better on his fathers end, but it wasn’t because his father particularly did anything nearly as tone deaf as his mother. yes, his father was a famous erotica novelist and yes that made newt’s life a living hell, but newt luckily wasn’t the subject of those books. neil transitioned from writing fabio like novels to writing some lgbt fiction which, great for representation, horrible for your teenage son who is now known around school for having a dad who writes porn. to top it off, neil ended up starting a long term relationship with the pool boy and gaining a pseudo step son from it. benjamin caley was not only more athletic than newt, not only more attractive than newt, but also better than newt in every single way imaginable which was a real self esteem booster. his father actively prefers benji and every time newt visits him in england over the summers he comes home hating himself a bit more.

which works out because after the book being published, most people kind of hated newt too so at the very least he was on trend. there was a lot of classic nineties bullying you know, wedgies, swirlies, shoving newt into lockers. all very cliche. newt would tell his bullies as much, but it never really went over that well. 

but then finally newt graduated. he was free from the hell that was the public education system and his childhood household. he graduated with honours, moved out of his mother’s house, and got himself his own apartment with a roommate near the mall where he got his first real job. 

goes to university for software engineering. has an internship at apple that he’s absolutely terrified to mess up. has an old beat up car that was like the first big purchase he ever made with his own money, so he loves it to death even though it’s a piece of shit. 

PERSONALITY.  do you fear me? don’t feel so special now. i have social anxiety. i fear everybody.

this is my first time playing newt so all of this is subject to change BUT

INSECURE. newt is a weird mix of cripplingly insecure and weirdly confident and there is no in between ever.

WITTY.  humour is and always will be the only defense newt has against anything, so he makes a lot of jokes especially when he feels uncomfortable.

EMPATHETIC. newt is a big push over when it comes to emotions like he would never do anything to hurt someone unless it was by accident or he was provoked or you’re his step brother benji or either of his parents in which case he will run you over with his car on sight. but no really, if newt is in a position where he has to hurt somebody he will do absolutely everything in his power to either not or avoid the situation completely. 

AWKWARD. sometimes honestly, although it depends on the day. v clumsy though. usually he can try to make his awkwardness funny but does he always succeed? the answer is no. 

HEADCANNONS.  actually all of my systems are nervous.

has to drink like six cups of coffee or tea a day. very serious about his tea because english. also has vegemite on his toast. 

can actually cook pretty well even though he prefers to eat takeout. cooks because it’s cheaper and he’s a broke ass student yk. won’t take money from his parents ever, and will straight up give it away if it’s forced upon him. 

writes star trek fanfic for fun and has a kind of weird relationship with writing because of his parents honestly?? but he enjoys it so, maybe the apple in fact does not fall from the tree. 

has commitment issues because of his parents divorce but don’t we all. 

developed a stutter after all the divorce drama because he thought it was his fault. he later had to see a speech therapist. his mother later had a fwb relationship with this same speech therapist. newt wanted to die. 

traded his glasses for contacts and you will literally only see newt in glasses if he rips or loses his contacts or if he’s at home. 

in love with all things sci fi, will rent and see every sci movie ever made if he can 

accidentally knocks down at least one display in babbages per day so there’s that.

speaking of newt runs a small side gig out of babbages where he fixes up tech because paying for university, rent, and car insurance out of pocket gets up there. so if you need someone to fix your desktop newt is your guy. 

is actually a pretty good flirt when he’s drunk or feels comfortable. is constantly teetering between painfully insecure and confident. 

is very bi and very hesitant about it because of his father and all his feelings towards that, but he will eventually stop fighting it so much soon hopefully. has probably had a few drunken hookups with guys but tries to convince himself that is just a drunk thing yk. 

is allergic to bees so death has a kiss just for him i guess. 

loves video games but that goes without saying

has anxiety and takes medication for it, one of the few healthy things his mother has ever done for him. 

speaking of his mother if newt ever sees her book about him in a book display he will spend as much time as needed taking each book and hiding them in obscure places so that no one will ever be able to find them and buy them. he read the whole thing because he had to know and yep he absolutely hates it. 

goes by newt and only newt so that no one can make the connection between him and his mother or his father upon first meeting him or hopefully ever. a lot of the kids he went to high school with still know though and with the accent and everything, he’s not fooling anyone who has at least heard a rumour 

idk what else y’all imma fite tumblr for making me write this twice

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  actually wait, i take that self deprecation back, i’m great.

ROOMMATE. because newt can’t afford his place on his own between all his expenses. please. think of the shenanigans. 

ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN THING. kind of inspired by chandler and janice tbh. these two are pretty incompatible and whenever they’re together all they talk about is breaking up with each other but whenever they’re broken up and they see each other they somehow always find themselves waking up in bed together the next morning. it’s a mess.

NERD SQUAD. give me newt’s friends from high school please and thanks. just a crew of absolutely dweebs and misfits. 

FWB/EWB. self explanatory considering newt’s big commitment issues but i just imagine like making out in the back room and like hooking up in the break room and someone leaving like a damning article of clothing in there and the two of them scrambling to get it before anyone notices. just fun. 

EX. self explanatory but yes, an ex gf or bf, an ex fwb or ewb, give me all the exes please. 

REPEAT CUSTOMER. this person is always paying newt to come fix their computer and other tech and newt just doesn’t understand how they mess it up so badly. like he doesn’t get how or why technology hates them as much as it does, but he’ll take the money.

HATESHIP. just good old fashion animosity. could be hate from school or the fresh hate upon working in the mall together or they can just be newt’s least favourite customer and he can hate them for that. 

CRUSH. maybe newt had a crush on them in school. maybe they had a crush on newt in school. maybe newt has a crush on them now. maybe they have a crush on newt now. 

and anything else tbh. i’d love a smoking buddy for newt, a friend who he can never get any work done around like when they’re together they’re just like !!!, someone who used to be one of the popular kids who he is now getting along with or still holding a grudge against, his big gay awakening in school maybe like the first masc person he had a crush on, someone who tries to get newt to party and come out of his shell, someone who idk steals from babbages skjsdj idk man i am open to anything at all so just like this and we can brain storm if anything!

#vhsintro #r.n. | intro. #using this gif of timmy surfing cause when else am i gonna get the chance #but oof finally done

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #293

“your head upon a stick would look really sick, but they would call me crazy for the way i spoke to it”

Hey bitch, what's your fucking name? What a start, jc lmao. Brittany. What color are your nails? They're not painted. Last time you got some ass? Well this survey's gonna be a journey. Many years ago. Do your parents like your style/music choices? Yeah, at least most of it. Some music my mom really doesn't like or just hates, while I can't even imagine Dad's reaction to some bands I enjoy. Ever seen your parents make out? tbh would rather slam my ankle on a Razor scooter. What's your dream height and weight? Forget about my height, if I could just be at least 120 again... Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What do you do when your house loses power? Light a bunch of candles and carry flashlights. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek piercings. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes. I grew up going to Sunday school and church, even though I hated both. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Gah... it was a very, very big source of argumentative fuel between Mom and me all the way up to my late teenage years when she just gave up; now, it's to be expected and is completely "normal." I always wanted to be on the computer once I was introduced to it; she tried to limit my time on it, and it was without fail what she would take away whenever I was grounded. I'd even sneak onto it when I wasn't allowed to if she wasn't home and Dad was in their room. My mom really did try to keep me from being hooked on technology, she really did, it just didn't work, but dear god I wish it did. I just about turn into a caveman without some form of it, and it's pretty pathetic. Dad meanwhile has never really cared much, but he'd make a comment here and there that would make me self-conscious about it. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, and guess who would be ignored for the rest of their lives if they did. It's so fucking disrespectful and objectifying to me. If someone wants to send a partner something like that by their own volition, that's cool, but asking, that just seems incredibly rude to me and turns the person into an object of lust. Ever been so scared you pissed? Caaan't say I have. Can you watch scary movies at night and not be scared? Yeah, they've never really fazed me. Last reason you got your cell taken away? I actually don't know if that's ever happened, given the aforementioned computer thing. I was never hooked on my phone. Could you handle working on a farm? Nooooo, that is way too much physical exertion. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? ugh Do you have a favorite type of firework? Well, visually I really just like the big colorful ones, but I don't endorse the use of fireworks anymore. Some animals literally die from fear, they can be seriously upsetting to veterans with PTSD (you could have one in your neighborhood and never know you indirectly gave them a panic attack), and they're a large source of litter. Where would/did you get your first tattoo? My right wrist. What's your favorite kind of pet? Snakes. Favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is obviously the coolest. It's always been my fave. How many pets do you have? Sigh, just two. Our landlord doesn't want us to get anymore pets than what we came in with. What were two of your favorite Disney movies as child? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. They're still my favorite Disney movies. When carving pumpkins, how do you decide what you're going to do? I haven't carved a pumpkin in years... so idk. Do you own any art supplies? Some, yeah. Do you believe you have a higher IQ than most? Definitely not. What is the name of the doctor that delivered you? I have no clue. Mom knows him for sure because she's mentioned him from my childhood, but I don't. Have you ever seen a Lamborghini in person? Hunny, I live in rural North Carolina. You don't see that level of bougie here lmao. Shane Dawson: funny or annoying? I honestly think he's fucking hilarious. I just have such conflicting feelings about him after "the drama," hearing so many people's opinions (particularly from those who know him so well, like his fiance and Ryland's sister), fact checking, audio cutting and mixing, the whole "people change" philosophy... I don't know. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? I ain't touchin' strawberry. Gross. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? I'd wanna be a shapeshifter/druid. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Yikes, sex toys. Given my age, I'd say if I bought adult diapers, people would assume they weren't for me. I'm awkward enough with all things relating to sex to begin with, so. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Yo wtf I never have and never will (intentionally) kill an animal. Well, correction: I've killed bugs before, the biggest probably being some spider or something, but I really try to avoid this now. Could you win the Hunger Games? lol hell to the fuck no, have you seen me??? For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? ... Maybe? Not saying I wanna find out, though. Have you ever been punched in the face? No, plan on keeping it that way. Is morality universal or relative? I question this myself. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don't have one. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They stay in my purse. Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? Neither. The sheer variety of questions relating to coffee and tea in surveys boggles my mind, always feel left out that I can't answer 'em lmao. What’s your phone background picture? My lock screen is this pretty, soft aesthetic screen that has "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough" written in the center. I've really needed it for my mental health lately. My home screen is some meerkats. I know, can you believe neither are currently Mark? Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty. How do you cope with anxiety? Deep breathing, mindfulness and grounding exercises, confiding in my mom, listening to music (usually my favorite calm, instrumental soundtracks, like from the Silent Hill franchise - particularly the second game! - or Shadow of the Colossus), try to nap, play a game as a distraction, watch my favorite YouTubers (typically something funny)... I'm lucky to have learned a lot. Now, if only I could cope with social anxiety... What was the last takeout food you ate? Oh Jesus, how embarrassing is this timing, seeing as it was one of my unhealthiest fast food orders: Son of the Baconator and Baconator fries from Wendy's. It was so fuckin good tho. Who makes you laugh the most? My friend Girt. What does a successful relationship look like to you? One with great communication and total honesty, and when you are able to build each other up and bring out the best in your partner. It's also imperative for you to feel safe being your authetic safe for me to consider it "successful." What do you like to put on your baked potato? "Salt, pepper, butter, cheese, bacon bits." <<<< That's how we do it, lads. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th, but not for good reasons. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? That's easy as hell, mountains. I don't like the beach. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Not gonna like what I see no matter what, but I'd like to make sure I don't look worse whan what's normal. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. What do you like to dip your fries in? It varies between ketchup and honey mustard. What’s your favorite kind of museum? Science. Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah, I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Mostly just Pokemon GO nowadays. I haven't touched Dragons of Atlantis in a long time... Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Jason's older brother is red/green colorblind, I think? Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? Middle. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Ugh, I need to finish decorating my damn room... Got most of the stuff on the walls now, but it's still pretty skeletal in self expression. My motivation is abysmal. Have you ever flown a kite? Oh yeah, I loved to fly a kite with Dad as a little kid when the tobacco field just across the road was barren. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? My doctor. How many brothers does your father have? I'm almost certain he doesn't have one, just one sister. Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? It depends on the situation. When it comes to "adulting," I don't have a fuckin clue what I'm doing. I doubt anyone would believe I'm a month shy of 25. In terms of general maturity, I think I act my age, if not older. When was the last time you swam in a pool? It's been years. What are your parents' views on your relationships? Mom is always very supportive so long as they treat me right; she's taken to all my previous partners very well and treated them like family, too. My dad is also supportive as long as I'm treated properly and happy. Is your best friend dating anyone? No. Have you ever babysat before? Twice, but not really willingly. Way too stressful. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? It took a very, very long time, but all pictures with Jason are forever deleted. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? Not a huge crush, no. Ever watched porn? No. You do you, but I don't see the appeal of watching some random people fuck. Ever performed in a talent show? No. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nope. How many celebrity crushes have you had? I'd say Jesse McCartney, Link Neal, and Mark Fischbach are my only BIG celeb crushes I've had. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? I dunno, don't feel like reaching back and counting. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Not visually, but with my adoration of animals. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? Oh, I'm sure. None that are horribly embarrassing though, or else I would have deleted them. Ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen a therapist since the 6th grade. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yep. A Facebook message? Sure have, when I was beyond done arguing with a former friend. A friend request? No, I just decline or accept it. My page is private, so you can't see my activity, and it's not like they get notified if it's declined, Would you say you read into things too much? I am the fucking sovereign of this. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? I love my mom to death, but no. I'd be disappointed. Ever had a credit card denied? I've never had one in the first place. Ever had the lead in a play? No. I do remember though in elementary school, I was real bummed that I wasn't Snow White for one we did for Music class. What about a solo in a concert? Never been in a concert. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Well. One, she's long past menopause. Two, because of ovarian cancer, she had all those organs removed. So, that would be impossible. Have you ever had a threesome? No; I'm personally strictly monogamous and would feel it to be disloyal, even if my parnter was okay with it. What's the last game you used dice for? Not a clue. Are you interested in surfing at all? Have you ever been? No. What brand of bottled water do you prefer? Essentia. What is your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. What is your favorite chocolate candy? motherfuckin REESE'S Have you ever been called a racial slur? No, considering I'm Caucasian. Why did you last stand in line? I was at the doctor's office, I think? What is your favorite pirate movie? /shrug What is your favorite character from Orange Is the New Black? I've never watched it. What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Watching the ending to Paranormal Entity was VERY uncomfortable. It was a decently scary movie, but the ending was seriously intense. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? I don't recall. Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? I don't know. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? The sheer degree of my love for meerkats would definitely be missed by probably most people. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I dunno. Anything I could think of, the most current products probably already have and I'm just uninformed of them. Like, I use a Tracfone lmao. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Their plastic usage and disposal. I'm certainly no saint when it comes to plastic either, but I try to do all I can. What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? Hm, ARE there any? Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? This depends on what you consider "better" and "worse." Environmentally, I honestly don't think mankind can maintain itself for that many more generations at the rate we're currently at, so that's probably just gonna keep getting worse. On the other hand, advances in medicine and things like that will certainly continue to improve quality of life in that sense. Human rights are getting better and better. I do fear that we're becoming too comfortable with laziness and convenience, but I hope that's a decline we don't continue to venture down. What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I had a college classmate named Apple. Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? Oh, come on now. It's not a competition. What game have you spent the most hours playing? So. When you type /played in World of Warcraft, it will show you your total playtime, and mine is YIKES. Like, around a year's worth of time of pure playing since 2014, I think. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? I don't recall. What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? When I did WiiFit religiously and lost around 40 pounds in HS. I was in the best shape of my life. What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? Oh, there's certainly something. Probably some Unus Annus clip. That channel was a fucking blessing and a curse all the same. If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Oh boy, I'd have to think, but probably somewhere in Rome or Greece. What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? I'm unsure. Probably jumping in the pool as a kid. My sisters and I would nag Dad to put the pool up on like the very first day of spring, so of course it was cold, but as a kid, I didn't mind that. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? Hm. What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? Ha ha yiiiikes, struggle foods... I don't know, but I've had some. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Herping, though I change my mind on-and-off about it. I'm not very into the idea of disturbing wildlife just because they're cool and you wanna check them out. I'd totally go exploring with a camera, though, and not actually pick anything up. If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? Hm... I actually think something like an art museum for the mentally ill would be pretty interesting and educational? Even something that could build empathy. Maybe mix some psychology in there to understand conditions.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''apex predator'' by otep

[writer-and-artist27]

Riceball Revelations, Kinda

Inspired by the last episodes of the first season of Fruits Basket remake that I finally got around to watching, and a sequel to these two parts from earlier this year. 

And, of course, @langwrites is tagged here because she helps me through a lot of things with @owlsofstarlight, and I’m grateful. I hope you’re okay with this, though knowing my anxiety gremlin, you two probably are. Love you both.

Here’s a writing preview. I hope the title says something.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“We’re here.” 

The declaration was just as quiet as Hatsuharu himself and the movement stopped as soon as he announced it. I couldn’t help but still hang onto Kei, but my reincarnation buddy couldn’t stand like this forever, considering her nudge towards me. “Tomo, c’mon. You don’t have to hang on anymore. We’re here.”

“Y-You’re sure, right? You really sure? Because I-I’m afraid of throwing up if I get let down…”

“I’m sure.” Kei bounced me softly while gently letting down my legs. “I got ginger drops, Tomo. You’ll be okay. Just take a deep breath and slowly step down.” 

“O-Okaaaaaay…” In spite of my whimpering, I did as she instructed, inhaling as much oxygen as I could while squeezing my eyes shut to avoid looking anywhere else, then articulated my foot. Thankfully, my legs could still move when the rest of me couldn’t, and once they touched down on grass, I breathed out while straightening my back. “S-Stomach holding, I think, Cap’n Kei.” The swirls in my vision behind my eyelids, though… yeah, not exactly a good sign. “Not exactly m-mayday…?”

A small snort sounded above my head before I could distinctly smell something spicy under my nose. “Ginger drop for your trouble, Tomo?” 

“Ohmigod, Kei, I know you brought these, but I still love you.” I didn’t even have to open my eyes to notice it and promptly take it into my hands, and fumbling with the wrapper didn’t take long. The somewhat sour and spicy thing was comforting once it landed in my mouth, and a sigh echoed past it. “Thankie.”

A hand gently patted the top of my head while an arm snaked around my back to straighten my posture. “No prob, Tomo. Can you look around now?”

“G-Give me a second.” I rolled the ginger drop on my tongue a bit to take in the flavor before nodding, and once my vision came back, the first thing I caught was my reincarnation buddy’s encouraging crooked grin. “H-Hi, Kei.”

“Yo. Welcome back to the world of the living, Tomo.” The arm around my back reached upwards to wrap around my shoulders and bring me into a side-hug. Kei’s cowlicks were brushing my forehead and my stomach was still churning weirdly, but it still felt safe. “You made it.”

“We made it,” I corrected her in a quiet whisper, leaning back into her. “You’re amazing, y’know that, right?”

Kei snorted again. “You say that plenty already, Tomo.” But she merely tightened the hug for a few seconds as some form of gratitude before letting go. It was hard to miss the smile on her face. 

Nearby, Hatsuharu-san had put himself in front of the entrance of what looked like a Japanese-style house, with tatami mats and sliding doors and all. He was glancing at us with the same tired look as before, but what really struck me about the house was how ordinary it looked. The whole building reminded me of Kei and Miyako-bachan’s dojo back in Konoha, but at the same time, the patches on the door and the small bits of cracks I could see in the wood definitely showed how worn and well-lived in it was. A huge difference from my home away from Nagareboshi Cafe with the Gekkōs. Miyako-bachan would never let the dojo get that bad. 

“Are you two ready to go in yet?” Hatsuharu-san said dryly, and if not for his non-changing expression, I could’ve sworn that he seemed impatient. He had already approached the doorbell in the time it took for my motion sickness to subside.

An apology was stuck in my throat from anxiety reasons, but before I could say anything, Kei pursued her lips, giving him a raised eyebrow. “Go ahead and shoot, Hatsuharu-san. There’s nothing to really wait on.”

“Alright then,” he concluded, and with that, he pressed the small button. 

Stay calm, dear, Hisako announced. Stay calm. New situation does not mean getting yourself worked up sweating. 

The noise that followed was something caught between a happy ring and an ominous drone. It took a second for me to realize that the squeak that echoed in the air came from me, and Kei was giving me a sideways glance. Darn it. Hisako was already on my case, Kei didn’t have to worry too. I’m okay, I tried to mouth to her, but she gave me the same raised eyebrow before the door carefully slid open.

I wasn’t expecting Kei to then tense at the girl who appeared in the door opening. “No way,” she cursed under her breath. “No fucking way.”

“K-Kei-chan?”

Kei flicked a pointer finger behind her back, clearly in my direction that said without words, even if I didn’t know ninja code, we can talk about it later. 

Thankfully, the brunette didn’t seem to notice my reincarnation buddy’s cursing, glancing around with wide brown eyes. If not for the pigtails, the blue dress, the bangs covering her head, and the distinct lack of glasses, she could’ve been like Hisako in stature and appearance. Uhhhhh. “Yes, who is it?” 

“Yo, Honda-san,” Hatsuharu-san answered first, gripping a bike handle with one hand while raising his other to wave at her. “Hope you don’t mind the intrusion.”

“Ah, Hatsuharu-san!” Her eyes sparkled at seeing him and she nodded in his direction. “Welcome back! And, oh,” her gaze went to Kei and I and even if the tell was minute, I couldn’t miss how Kei tensed. “Hello! Are you two friends of Hatsuharu-san?”

“N-Not exactly,” I pulled up, trying to smile. Kei was slowly inching closer to me, looking more on-guard than ever, and that wasn’t exactly a good thing for first impressions. “Maybe… well, we could be called lost acquaintances from another country?” 

Kei proceeded to shoot me a glance over her shoulder that clearly read, what the fuck, this time. All I could do was weakly shrug and point discretely to the apparently named Honda-san for extra emphasis. I’m trying to socialize and not give away your ninja status, I tried to mouth, it’s just hard since I can’t lie on a whim!

Kei inaudibly sighed a single second later. “We’re backpackers,” she added. “And we were looking for directions or a place to stay for the time being.” She paused before continuing, a bit more awkwardly for some reason, with, “As long as it’s no trouble?”

“Shouldn’t be. Oh, and Honda-san, these two are Hoshino Tomoko-san and Gekkō Keisuke-san.” Hatsuharu was still quiet in his inflections, but his introduction definitely did well in taking control of the very weird social situation we found ourselves in. At least, it felt like that to me. After all, how often do you screw up introductions? “I found them wandering the city for directions after I got lost for a day or so. Could they stay here for a while, Honda-san?”

The last thing I was expecting was for her eyes to get all glittery. Was she admiring us or something? “I-I’m fine with it! I’ll have to ask Shigure-san about it, considering,” she paused before raising a finger, “I’m already staying with him, but I think Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun should be fine with it! We have enough futons!”

“Double fuck,” Kei cursed under her breath. I did my best to not stare holes into her back, but this was getting weird. Did she know these people from before? I was tempted to poke her shoulder, but this didn’t seem to be the time.

Ask her later, Hisako prodded. This seems big. 

Got it. 

Honda-san was now staring at us with doe-like eyes. “Did something happen?” 

“Nope!” I said for Kei instead, filling in for whatever curse she was thinking of. “Just talking to ourselves! Don’t worry about it!” I kept smiling to reassure her, but still felt sweat trail down the back of my neck while I found myself slowly, discreetly, reaching over to clench one of Kei’s sleeves. She didn’t visibly react, simply giving me a small swivel of her head before adjusting her posture to let me hold her fingers instead. It was something.

Honda-san blinked but proceeded to clap her hands together, inclining her head at us with a warm smile back. “You two certainly look close! I’m sure we can fit you two in the living room or something tonight! Come on in, come on in!” She gestured happily towards the hallway behind her. 

Needless to say, I was giving Kei a helpless look as soon as Honda-san turned on her heel to walk in with Hatsuharu-san following her. “K-Kei-chan?” I tried to stage-whisper. “What was—”

“Not now, Tomo.” Kei took a step forward and with my grip on her fingers, I could do nothing but follow her. “Ask later.”

We were already close to the door, about to take off our sandals before I spoke my mind. “Will there be an answer then?”

Kei paused, inhaling before squeezing my hand. “Maybe,” she acquiesced and once she took off both her sandals and stepped inside, it signaled the end of the conversation. I could already guess she didn’t want to say anymore and I didn’t want to push it either. 

Honda-san was looking at us from further inside the house. “Hoshino-san? Gekkō-san? Are you two coming in?”

“W-We are! Give us a minute!” Well, more like me, since I was still stumbling over my own feet, resulting in me letting go of Kei’s hand, but once I caught myself, Kei was looking at me with an unreadable expression. Her eyes seemed to say something, but she was offering her hand to me anyway, a small smile on her face.

“Klutz,” she said.

“I-I try not to be,” I admitted, dusting off my dress before taking her hand to let her pull me up. “But at least we have each other?”

Kei’s poker face broke into a crooked smile. A Kei smile. “Yeah,” she said quietly, letting go of my hand but still staying close to my side while walking forward. “We do.” She paused, blinking, before adding, “Isobu says, ‘Ahem.’”

I could feel my face start to burn and it wasn’t from jogging to meet her walking pace. “T-Tell him he’s included too.”

What about meeeeeeee? 

“A-And Hisako.”

Kei rolled her eyes. “C’mon, goofball,” she mused, pushing me forward by the sudden hand clapping onto my shoulders. “Let’s go socialize.”

“I-I’m doomed,” I squeaked. 

“No, you’re not. The anxiety gremlin needs to get out.”

Instead of replying, I glanced inward. Hisako? 

There was a smack of a baseball bat somewhere in my head and I winced. Working on it, honey~! Love you~!

Day 1 in a new world — Kei was being ninja-quiet and my Nobody was beating up something. This was going to be normal. Maybe. Hopefully. 

Did I mention I was homesick already?

#the sea and stars #writing #writing preview #hoshino tomoko #keisuke gekko #honda tohru #hatsuharu sohma #long post #fruits basket #crossover #hisako