#and I do believe that I would be having a much harder time of it all without all of this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trans-axolotl · 3 days

Text

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult.#i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

139 notes · View notes

joelsflower · 19 hours

Text

little present | bfd!joel x f!reader

an: okay i know we’re in APRIL lmaoo sorry but i was listening to last christmas by wham! and the whole idea came to me. enjoy tho!! read it now!! reread it in december!! do whatever!! hope u like it!! :^) so yeah this is christmas themed a bit. sorry. also i apologize if i’m still mistaking “in/on/at” a bit too much, i’m still learning the language :/ hope it’s not too bad and doesn’t influence badly on your reading tho! no beta ops

wc: around 2.5k i believe?

tw: titty sucking and pussy fingering combo (yay!), beginning of blowjob but that’s it, soft dom!joel, older!joel (i imagine him on late 40s/early 50s and reader on early/middle 20s but up to you), best friend’s dad, teasing reader, teasing joel, teasing me, teasing you, reader is able bodied, afab but not described; there’s one part where “your smaller body” is used but in no way to describe reader, just to point she was smaller than joel. image also does not describe reader, only for visuals. no y/n. ALSO. weather not described!! shout out to us latinas who go through christmas sweating and panting 🫡 it can be snowing too tho up to you

🌹🌹🌹

You knocked three times on the door; unsure if it would sound impatient or even be heard due to the loud music and chatting coming from the inside. Sarah didn’t lie about the whole family coming this year for Christmas.

By the look on Joel’s face when he opened the door, your three knocks sounded more likely the angels singing.

His big brown eyes lit up like candlelight when they found you. For a moment, you stood there in silent, letting him get drunk on your sight and you in his. The puffy bags under his eyes let you know it was a rough week, a rough week without you. The raspy, yet-to-made scruff adorning his cheeks and neck inciting your skin without even being near it. His calloused knuckles gripped the doorknob and the muscle on his bicep swelled, making your mouth water.

You let your eyes dance from his salt and pepper curls and finally to the little bit of chest peaking from the deep red plaid shirt, and when your eyes found his he broke the spell, letting out what seemed to be the first breath he took since he opened the door.

“Hi, sweetheart. Didn’t know Sarah invited you.” he shrugged weirdly, hand resting on his hip and the other on the door, like he was nervous. Due to college and construction, it’s been around one week since you’ve properly seen each other — it seemed like a whole year.

“Oh, hey santa” you joked, soft voice coaxing his tired ears, nodding to the santa hat hugging his curls. Suddenly, it was like he remembered he was wearing it and took it off, shoving it in his back pocket while making a face, biting back a smile when your giggle hit his ears.

“Uh- yeah, I wasn’t on the plans I think,” your fingers carved on the plate in your hand, and he gave you a “stop that” face, “she just called me last minute. But I have this!” you motioned the plate a little, making it be noticed.

“Didn’t need to bring anything, ya know. Just you’s enough.” silence once again put itself between the two of you, and if you were losing your mind, Joel could bet he was losing his a lot more harder. Opening the door to find the only sight that could rest his tired eyes on a beautiful red dress that hugged your body perfectly, matching see-through black thighs that allowed him to see just enough and the need for comfort that he could well read in your gaze was not on his list, but was definitely a present.

Not being able to properly talk or touch you was feeling more like being on santa’s badlist, though. And maybe it was what he deserved, he thought, for fucking his daughter’s best friend and enjoying it so much.

You brought him back to life. What was he supposed to do if not give you the world and the best orgasms in it?

“Uh- come on in, then” he shook his desire away, holding the door open and watching as you passed by him.

One foot past the door and the chatter got louder. Uncles and sisters and cousins of cousins of cousins — there were a lot of Millers in this world, and all of them would be a problem if you wanted just a bit of closeness to Joel tonight.

“Thank you, Mr. Miller,” you looked up at him shyly, hoping treating him more formally would get you away in case anyone heard anything. Joel, on the other side, could not be less subtle while losing control of how hard he closed the door when your silky voice hit his ears, saying his name, thanking him. Just like you did when he held your wrists up your head and made your foggy bambi eyes roll back your head.

“Here,” he took the santa hat in his hands, stepping closer to put it in your head. The way his fingers carefully put your hair behind your ear set your body on fire, just the slight brush of its tips on your ear, the soft but swift strokes on your scalp to put your hair in place sending cold breezes up and down your spine.

“I missed you,” you whispered, lashes flourishing while your fingers boldly gripped the end of his shirt. You just needed to touch him.

But he didn’t answer right away, too focused on “putting the damn thing in your head”, which translates to an excuse to caressing your face and being close enough your sweet, peachy smell invaded his nostrils and messed with his brain chemistry.

“All done” your glossy eyes and quivering lips broke his heart in a million; all he wanted to do was take you in his arms right there. “Later, angel” he reassured you, taking your hand off of his shirt and giving you a softer look, that you knew was his way of apologising and comforting you for now. It was too risky, you knew that too.

“Oh gosh, you’re here, finally!” Sarah jumped on you for a hug, scaring the two of you, her bubbly energy warming you up. “Jesus dad, knew you’d hate it,” she gestured to the hat on your head, filling your mind with thoughts of him. “C’mon, you need to meet cousin Maria!” she dragged you away, the only thing connecting you to Joel being the lingering gaze you’d share for the rest of the night.

🌹🌹🌹

“Ha! Remember that, brother?” Tommy laughed about a story old enough to be your age about one time him, Joel and their other cousin Frank went fishing and something apparently went wrong, you weren’t really paying attention though.

Not when Joel’s hand had found your knee under the table.

You just had to sit by his side cause Sarah wanted to be close to Maria that was close to Tommy that was close to someone else and the seat by Joel’s side ended up being the only one empty.

“Sit there by dad’s side, he doesn’t care. Here, gimme this,” she took the plate of sweets from your hands, setting it on the table. Joel, who was praying someone could come save him from hearing the same story for the 10th time, made space for you to pull the chair and accommodate your smaller figure by his side.

Around ten minutes into chatting with Sarah and Maria and taking food from left to right on the table, you felt his knee brush yours. The simple warmth of physical connection between the two of you made your whole body vigilant, in hopes for some more.

“Ya should be there, Sarah. Never not funny seeing your old man struggling t’get some fish” Tommy looked towards you, meeting Sarah’s and Maria’s giggles. Joel bit back a laugh, it was funny, yes, but he didn’t want to look like a stupid old man to you. That’s when you meet him with a small smile and a brush of your thigh on his, inviting his hand to instinctively envelope your knee.

“Oh, I’ve seen him struggle to do less, believe me”

And I’ve seen him do more with the stamina of a teenage boy, you thought.

Joel’s hand snaked up a bit more into your leg, always careful to not be seen, but stern enough to make you feel him, invading the area of your inner thigh and dragging your dress up a little. The warmth of his large palm against the material pressing at your skin was driving you insane, the way his fingers were digging into your soft but covered flesh and his thumb squeezing at your outer thigh making your core pulse and the hairs at your neck stir up.

Mine, ran through his head.

“Both of you are on my badlist tonight, hope y’know that” he seriously pointed to Sarah and Tommy, giving them an angry-like look and the ones around you bursted laughing. You reached down a hand to lay on top of his, your smaller fingers enveloping his much bigger pointer one, his thumb immediately brushing your hand, his way of saying “you’re not”.

🌹🌹🌹

“I think I need some air” you told Sarah as you got up from the couch and released her hand. Your tummy was full and your eyes were starting to get heavy. From the other side of the room, Joel’s eyes followed you to the balcony.

The peace of the outside of the house was everything you needed that moment, trying to clear your head a bit from going into the spiral of Joel Joel Joel Joel to risky risky risky. The moon lit up the sky and kissed your rosy cheeks, the singing of the crickets taking you away from all the buzz.

Just when you closed your eyes and breathed in the natured air, you jumped when a strong hold surrounded your waist, the warmth of his chest hugging your back.

“Jesus, I— they’ll see us” you panicked.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” his other hand spread to pet on your tummy, paired with a kiss to your temple, “I checked, no one’s near. Wouldn’t want t’share you with anyone though, would I? Looking like my own little cherry on this dress” his fingers gripped the dress deep, sliding it up and down your waist a bit.

“I missed you so much” you turned around in his hold, arms wrapping around his neck and tugging at the curls at the base of his scalp. On your tiptoes you glued your body to his, closest as you could get, taking in the strong smell of his cologne that made your insides twirl. One of his hands danced down your spine to rest on your lower back, while the other held the back of your neck.

“Oh angel, missed you too, s’much. Can’t go a day without thinking about you, little one.” His deep voice whispered on your ear. Joel firmed his feet on the ground and swayed your bodies slowly left to right, calming you down. “Thinking about holding you, having you with me. About hearing your voice call me from the other side of the house and moan my name when I’m knuckle deep inside ya’”

“Joel!” You snapped his arm a little, staring into his eyes in disbelief.

“Am I lying?” he looked down at you with his rounded brown eyes, the same that could get you on your knees, mouth hanging open, with this exact same look he was giving you now. You shook your head slowly, fingers gripping his shirt, “Know you love it, baby, I love it too. Shit, should’ve found a way to see you earlier. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He rested his forehead on yours.

You took your head back and looked towards the living room, checking to see if you were still safe from prying eyes “want more of you.”

Joel grinned, “Later baby, ‘kay?”

You looked up at him, no confirmation.

“Hm? Can you be my good girl and be patient?” He held your chin up with his thumb and pointer, forcing your gaze to meet his, “G’na be worth the wait, promise. But you need to be good f’me. Can you do that?”

“I can” you murmured, eyes closing as his hands found your sides and gave them a firm squeeze.

“Know y’can, darling. My best girl.”

🌹🌹🌹

“Shhh, c’mon angel. Know these precious little sounds belong to me only,” Joel’s deepened voice vibrated on your neck, his teeth grazing the soft skin and making your head go foggy.

It was a combination of it all, to be honest; his hot mouth and beard on your neck, you only in your underwear and thighs and him fully clothed, his thumbs mercilessly circling your nipples through your bra and his very hard bulge grinding against your pussy and his whole weight pressing you against his bed.

It started when you both came back to the living room — in separate moments, of course — and then you needed to go the bathroom but the one downstairs was occupied and Joel suddenly needed to check on something very important in his room.

“P-Please, Joel,” you cooed, the pool in your cunt becoming unbearable, your wetness overtaking your poor excuse of panties and messing the front of his jeans.

“‘S okay baby, gonna take care of you,” he gave you kiss a peck, hands releasing your abused nipples to hold your face in his hand so his tongue could invade your mouth. “I’ma bad old man, ain’t I? Making my little girl wait for so long to feel good. Fisting my cock the whole week, thinking ‘bout this pussy gushing me in. Bad, bad man.” you shook your head no in a desperate side to side move, fingers gripping his shoulders, as if taking his shirt off, but his force was pinning you down just right.

A sudden grind of his hips into yours and tears pooled on your eyes, your hands stilling and your throat holding back a moan while Joel groaned at the feeling of his hard cock rocking against you. “That’s what you want, isn’t it, princess? To feel so, so good?” Another desperate nod. “Shh, c’mon baby. G’na make you cum for the week we lost.”

Joel used his hands to lift you by your armpits and sit you against his headboard, lowering his body so now he was face-to-face with your covered pussy, “oh, poor baby. Feel her, angel,” he pressed his thumb up and down your core, your wetness gluing your panties to your slit, overflowing a bit around the lacy edges. “So desperate to be touched, ain’t she? Just waiting for me to take care of her. I will baby, don’t worry. Been such a good little girl f’me. Gonna stuff you full in a minute”

He then proceeded to finally tangle his fingers on the thin stripes of your panties, but first giving the little bow on top of them a little kiss. “My little present,” he murmured, more to himself then to you, but smirking when realising how your core pulsed with his words.

The moment Joel’s fingers slid the lace down your legs and his hot breath ghosted your pussy, you were a goner; all your fuzzy bran could focus on were the strong pressure of his tongue on your clit and his fingers patiently circling your hole.

“Let me in, angel,” he begged and started to push two of his digits inside your pussy, his head now on the level of your cleavage, keeping himself from missing the reaction of his own little Christmas angel being finger fucked by him.

Your eyes screwed shut and your mouth fell open, making a little “o” shape when two of his thick fingers spread you open all at once, making you just so full. “My tight little princess,” he cooed, looking down at your pussy swallowing his fingers in and out, your juices covering his knuckles with each pump, deeper and deeper. The slick sounds of the obscene act you two were dwelling it almost distracted you too much from hearing Joel’s “who’s pussy is this?”

Instead of answering, your smaller hands held his face and pulled him to a kiss, a very wet, hot kiss, his tongue making home of itself inside your mouth and twirling around your own, teeth grazing at your lower lip hard enough to leave a mark and soft enough to leave you wanting more.

“It’s yours, Joel,” you finally gave him what he wanted, a string of spit connecting the two of you.

“Tha’s my girl.” He curled his fingers to brush at that spot that made your head cloudy and the back of your eyelids starry, pulling the sweetest, most desperate moan from your wet lips (both of them). “And tha’s my pussy, hm?” He watch attentively as your eyes got too hazy and your mouth too open to process what he was saying, “poor little thing, so good can’t even think straight.”

You caught Joel by surprise though, when your hand found his clothed cock, giving your best to grab at it as hard as you cold, messaging him with your palm and thumb. Even so lazily, the action drove him crazy enough to lost himself in your neck, fingers still fucking your pussy full and beard leaving marks all over your skin.

Joel allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of your hot, pulsing cunt strangling his fingers and your small hand palming his cock to lower his head a little bit, teeth pulling your excuse of a bra to the side (or trying).

“J-Joel,” you plead, the delicate lace of your lingerie ripping like paper in between his teeth.

“G’na get you a new one, love. Lot’s of new ones.” He lost no time though in greedily sucking one of your tits into his mouth, tongue languidly abusing your nipple. His mustache hurting the soft skin of the area while his spit and velvety lips caressed the burn.

Feeling your pussy pulse and pull him hard, Joel increased the pace of his fingers inside you and directed his attention to your other boob too, his spit lingering all over your chest. “Pussy gripping me real tight, baby, wanna cum, don’t ya? You can, c’mon. Cum all over me, little girl.”

And you did. Pussy squirming his fingers and almost making them a part of your own body, lips hanging open with nonsense babble followed by muffled moans and cries, nipples stiff and hard by the overstimulation.

His own little present, as he himself put. All for him.

Joel helped you calm down with sweet kisses to your cheeks and lots of “did so good to me, my love”, “missed you having you like this”, “my best girl, makes me so happy, baby”.

“Y’with me?” he nosed at your temple and noticed your eyes become more bright, the small nod of your head bringing you back to a fully conscious state of mind.

“Open.” he positioned the tip of the fingers that were once inside you on your lower lip, your mouth instinctively opening to welcome them inside. “That’s it, ‘atta girl,” he awarded as you sucked his fingers clean from your own mess, realising why his eyes became so dark with the action.

He hadn’t come yet.

You pulled your mouth from him and kneeled in between him and the bed, hands gripping his bulge shamelessly.

“Still gotta clean you up, angel. C’mon, we can do it later. Jus’ wanted to take care of ya.” he held your chin up to gather your attention, but a failed attempt, you knew he needed it as much as you.

“‘S okay, I wanna. Just gonna suck on it a little.”

“My sweet girl,” Joel complimented as his palm held the whole side of your face, your bambi-like gaze distracting him while you worked both his pants and underwear down his legs.

With your mouth only inches away from his girthy, veiny cock that was proudly bouncing in front of your face, you gripped at the thick hairs at his base and gave the swollen, ruddy tip a mouth-open kiss, silky lips enveloping the head while his precum oozed down your tongue and a deep groan left his throat. You then proceeded to find his gaze again, pulling the most sincere, grateful and innocent look you had.

“Merry Christmas, Joel.”

🌹🌹🌹

#AHHH WHO WROTED THAT #ofc lis wrote a christmas fic in april! cause lis is insane! and that’s okay!#don’t know if i love this one #but hey a moodboard! anyway byeee #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller fic #pedro pascal #pedro characters #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel miller x you #tlou fanfiction

110 notes · View notes

haechvn · 20 hours

Text

Dating Shuri Udaku Headcanons

Pairing: Shuri x F!Reader

Warning: Fluff, Toxic!Shuri, Angst and Smut since yall nasty asf

Summary/Request: I got so many requests for an update so here it is!

Word Count: 1k words

Author’s Note: I decided to make her mean since you hoes wanna be treated like shit or whatever. I'm getting back into my groove with this one for sure. 18+ MDNI fr or imma beat yall ass. NEED MORE SHURI GIFS WTH

Taglist: @inmyheadimobsessed @theblacksuccubus @melodykisses @blackhottie25 @tonakings @coalmistyy @szalipcombo @prettyluhlaiiii @yelenabelovasgf @callmeoncette @clqrosmgc @theblacksuccubus @cherios @shuris-whore @nut4shuri @gaspyghosttt @elliesdinosauar @idkhersposts @ziayamikaelson @trinthebean @sleepingnova @yunhofingers

Credits: @anitalenia for the super cute dividers get into itttt

Fluff

Cooks breakfast for you every morning after the two of you have sweet and reckless nights together

Loves getting the two of you matching sets of grillz. Gold, silver, diamond studded. It doesn't matter

Brings you alongside her for all of her council meetings as she truly values your opinion and wants you to be involved and know your role in leading the nation with her

Has a throne for you next to hers

Trains you with the Dora because she doesn’t want what happened last time with Namor to ever repeat itself

Buys you whatever you want right off each and every runway during all the major Fashion Week shows

Always get the biggest section when y’all got out and you betta be shaking that ass cause she gon be throwing them bills babyyyy

The amount of decorated hotel rooms you get from her is ridiculoussss. She’ll decorate a whole hotel for you just because she loved seeing your smile in the morning.

Always has her hand in yours no matter what the two of you are doing. Even hold your hand while you two brush your teeth

Never breaks eye contact with you while the two of you are speaking

Has more that 100 nicknames for you

Toxic/Angsty

Purposely starts arguments with you because it turns her on to see you riled up and she can’t stop thinking about you putting her back in her place

Used a bit too much of her strength on you during training and you had to stay in the hospital for a few nights. She locked herself in her room and couldn’t even stand to look at you when you were released.

Sometimes she lacks empathy because she believes she’s gone through the worse shit. She definitely gaslights you sometimes and walks away if you complain to her about having family issues

“Wow. It’s so sad you argue with your mom everyday. Where’s mine? Oh yea right. I’m done listening”

Tries to deny that she felt anything for RiRi but will constantly talk about how beautiful she is just to get you jealous. You end up beating her ass bc wtf

One of those lesbians that doesn't like when you talk to other women bc why the fuck would you?

Will look you dead in the eyes and tell you that you aren’t more important than her work and you should just leave her alone and spend the money she gives you. She sent 2 mil to your account while you stormed out of the lab

She’ll deny you sex because she didn’t like the way you spoke to the Dora earlier that morning. You said hi

She sometimes embarrassed by the lack of strength you have. Like tighten up tf

“Can you stop touching me? Even the Dora don’t smother me this much.”

Hates when you constantly run your hands through her hair like she didn’t just get it done

Kisses her teeth when you try to shake your ass and it doesn’t move the way she want it too

“Try harder maybe? Ugh just stop actually. You look cringe doing that” LIKE WHERE'S YOUR ASS MA'AM????

Smut

Shuri likes when you eat her pussy with her panther suit on. Yes. That part is cut out

She has different grillz for eating your pussy and then ones for eating you ass— SHE A BOTTOMFEEDAAAA

Shuri loves pressing her kimoyo beads against your clit and sending intense vibrations there. Rose toy who???

She eats your pussy at night sometimes because if you look hard enough while she’s making your head spin, her inner bottom lip glows softly with her vibranium tattoo, being the only source of light in the room

LOVES WHEN YOU DRILL HER SHIT TO THE POINT THAT SHE CANT BREATHE AND TRIES TO GRASP AROUND BUT SHE CANT BC THE VIBRANIUM CUFFS TOO STRONG EVEN FOR HER SO SHE HAS TO BEG YOU TO RELEASE HER EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS YOU WON’T AHHH

Can literally eat you out for hours and against your (consented) will, she definitely does

RIDES YOU IN THE NASTIEST SLOPPIEST WAY LIKE SHE LOVES SEEING YALL CREAM MIX AND IS OBSESSED WITH HOW STICKY SHE IS AND HOW MUCH STICKIER YOU ARE UGH SHE PRESSES HER LIPS AGAINST YOUR AS IF SHE CAN GO INSIDE YOU BYEEEEEEE

SHE AINT NO FAKE GAY NO MA’AM

Wakes you up most mornings with her lips sucking and teasing your breast bc babe she can’t get enough

BOTTOM!SHURI LOVES WHEN YOU SIT ON THE THRONE AND SHE TRIES TO MAKE HERSELF CUM OVER AND OVER RIDING YOUR THIGH WHILE YOU SIT ON HER THRONE OH WOW

SHE WHINES SO MUCH AND IS NOT QUIET AT ALL. Constantly getting complaints from everyone in the palace

Likes getting her ass devoured. SORRY NOT SORRY

Kissing you alone get her wetter than river Niger omgggg (I’m African and this how we say it PLS)

Constantly talking you through EVERYTHING she does to you

“You take my fingers so well”

“Hmm, you know I love when you squeeze around me like that. Fuck, do that again.” (THE WAY SHE ROLLS HER R’S UGHHH)

“Please, I can’t take it. I-I… Fuck you feel so good. Don’t stop fucking me, put me in my place”

Never breaks eye contact with you when she’s drilling the shit out of you

LOVES WHEN YOU FUCK HER FACE WITH ALL THE STRAPS SHES MADE IN THE LAB

Literally she’ll be in the lab with her goggles on with all her tools scattered all of the table and gets wet picturing you standing over her and using her mouth like a toy OMG

Loves when you tie her up with pink and purple ribbons and stuff her mouth with your panties BYE

LIKES BEING BLINDFOLDED AND WEARING FLUFFY EARMUFFS SO YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING TO HER AND GIVING YOU FULL CONTROL

WHITE FLUFFY EARMUFFS WITH PINK RIBBONS AND HER CURLY HAIR SHAKING AROUND EVERY TIME SHE MOVES

64 notes · View notes

sapphicmsmarvel · 20 hours

Text

Azriel: Nightmares

Azriel was no stranger to a nightmare.

He was used to them interrupting his dreams, one of the reasons he never slept more than a few hours a night.

But then you came along.

You loved to nap and be sleepy with your partner. So he pretended in the beginning that he’d sleep, just to see you at peace. Just to be able to hold you and love you with everything he had.

But then he eventually felt safe with you. Enough to fall asleep.

His nightmares slowed, they weren’t as common if you were next to him. He actually was able to deeply sleep a few times, which made him happy but also worried him because what if something happened to you and he didn’t wake up?

You had assured him his shadows would not let him sleep through that.

A common occurrence was when he’d have the nightmare and wake up, he would just watch you sleep. Sometimes, he’d lay his head on your chest just to listen to your heart beat, and feel your breaths. It was soothing.

He always tried not to wake you up. But sometimes, it couldn’t be helped.

“Azriel!”

This time, he jumped out of the worst kind of nightmare.

The one where you’re in danger and no matter what he can’t get to you. It’s reoccurring. You’re on the battlefield and dying in his arms and there is nothing he can do to stop it and it terrifies him.

Then some nights, it’s your make-believe children. He can’t recall their names inside the dream, but he knows they are his. They are yours.

Those are his two worst ones.

Tonight, it was your faceless, make-believe daughter dying.

Your babygirl.

She doesn’t exist yet, but he already loved her with all of his heart. She doesn’t exist yet, and he wants to hold her to reassure himself she’s okay.

But she doesn’t exist.

He feels like his heart is breaking all over again.

He looked over at you, your eyes full of love, concern and empathy. Your voice, his siren song, pulling him out of the nightmare.

He shattered.

You pulled him into you, cradling his head to your chest. “What happened, baby?”

He sniffed. “The nightmare involved our child. She didn’t have a name but I knew she was ours. She didn’t have a face and I knew she had your eyes and smile. I tried to save her and I-“ His voice cut off with a sob and you rocked him gently. “I couldn’t get to her. It scares me. What if I’m a shit dad? What kind of dad can’t save his child?”

You kissed his head, he felt wetness land on his scalp and knew you were crying. “I’m sorry i’m weak. I shouldn’t be crying like this.” He was going to continue but your voice cut him off.

“You are not weak Azriel.” Your voice was hard as stone. Firm.

He sobbed a bit harder into your chest. You held him even tighter. “I have the nightmares too.” You whispered, “it’s our child and I can’t do anything to save them. You’re injured and I can’t save you. Our children don't even exist yet, but I love them with all my heart already.” You stroked his head. “You are not going to be a bad father, you are the best husband, the best mate I could ever ask for. When our children are here, they will be loved and cherished. Their daddy will make sure they’re okay.” You kissed his head.

His sobs had slowed down during your speech, just gripping you tightly.

“You are allowed to feel scared, sad, anguish. These are human emotions that you are allowed to feel. If you do not feel them, it will build up. I am honored that you love me so much, I’m so glad you love our children that don’t exist yet. It just shows me how good of a dad you are going to be. I do not think you are weak. You are loved, protected and cherished.”

He felt himself breathe deeper with more freedom. “You are safe.” You breathed as you felt all his tension leave him.

For the first time in his life, he truly believed that.

#azriel x you #azriel x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar x reader

110 notes · View notes

sai4u · 1 day

Text

couple of the year !

⤷ gq couple interviews with nct dream

− ⌗ ft .∿ dream ot7 x reader

− ⌗ genre + warnings .∿ angst + non idol!au, college au for mark + jisung

− ⌗ trin’s note .∿ I had this planed for another group but I’m lowkey too hyperfixated on nct soooo….(I blamed dream()scape). also if you never seen a gq couple quiz, here’s one of my favorite examples :)

⤹ ⊹ MARK LEE

✶ mark would have extreme confidence that he would get all the questions correct. at most, maybe one or two questions wrong but he wouldn’t sulk it off, he would more than likely say, “I knew that” or “that was my second guess, I swear”

✶ weirdly enough, he would get the much deeper, or “harder”, questions correct more than the basic questions like what’s your middle name or what’s your favorite color

✶ for the deeper questions he gets correct, he would constantly answer, “see, I told you I knew you baby” with his lil smirk or a sly smile

✶ I think mark would almost always have a story attached majority of the questions you asked him. some are embarrassing, some have you giving a belly laugh, and some are sentimental. the sentimental ones, he’s holding eye contact with you, matching your smiles, and mouthing, ‘i love you’

✶ as for questions about him, he would let out an exaggerated sigh when you get them wrong. he would act so heartbroken and go on this dramatic ramble of how he thought his partner knew him

⤹ ⊹ HUANG RENJUN

✶ renjun is a shy lil thing for these types of interviews. quite nervous that he’ll get some wrong but confident enough that he’ll get most of them right. though, he does believe he’ll get more questions right than you will and he wasn’t wrong

✶ he would stand firm on the questions he got wrong that he thinks he got correct. he blames you that you never told him this information or that you’re a liar, sometimes side-eyes you before you say if he’s wrong or right. if he got it wrong, he would have hard evidence that he is correct and even state word for word on when you said the correct answer in the past

✶ as for questions about him, he would maybe allow bonus points. it depends on how many bonus questions you gave him, which would total how much or how little bonus points you get

✶ ngl, renjun can become a petty lil mf when it comes to his questions. he think it’s only right after the struggle you put him through answering some of those questions and fighting for his case

⤹ ⊹ LEE JENO

✶ slightly like mark and has extreme confidence that he’ll get every question right except….anyways ! it’s not that he’s an attentive bf (cause he is, trust !) but he’s truly shocked at how many he gets wrong. but at the same time, the ones he thinks he is wrong, he gets right ??? idk man. he knows who was your first best friend but doesn’t know your favorite meal…

✶ a lot of laughs are shared between the two of you cause it truly is funny at his reactions at whether or not he’s right. usually his jaw is dropped; if he’s right he nods his head in a slightly cocky manner but if he’s wrong, he shakes his head and curses himself

✶ but at the same time, you throw him some bonus points to help cause poor baby is not doing so good. in the end for the questions about you, he doesn’t do as bad but he believe that definitely isn’t his best and plans to be a better bf to you

✶ for questions about him, he assumes just about half the time that you won’t get this question right, and it could be the most basic questions anyone could easily answer. like why is mans shocked that you know his favorite artist and his favorite pastime…?

⤹ ⊹ LEE HAECHAN

✶ it turned from a cute quiz to a full blown competition. out of all of dream, his confidence is at an all time, always, when it comes to being the best boyfriend God can put on this earth. but oh do you have something planned for him

✶ haechan is more than a thousand percent confirmed that he’ll get all answers right and sits in his seat with such confidence. you roll your eyes and look through the questions as he continues to boast

✶ the questions were going good, ofc he was getting every single correct cause again, he’s the best (he prefers the term “perfect) you could ever have. until it’s questions that you may not know the answer to that starts to trip him. he thinks you’re pranking him, even after you assured him that you aren’t

✶ haechan would trip you up so you can forget the correct answers to your questions. a firm believer that haechan would sit in a certain position to have you gushing, you try to hide your smile while asking the question but it’s no use when he’s around

✶ though when it’s his turn to ask the question, he is absolutely terrible. he’ll throw in bonus questions to trip you up and when you get them wrong, he is so dramatic my goodness. he’s even worse than mark and think it’s the death of him that you don’t remember his comfort meal

⤹ ⊹ NA JAEMIN

✶ jaemin is actually mellow about his confidence for this couples quiz. he’s as confident as haechan but not nearly as bad as haechan can get. don’t get me wrong, he always assures that he’s the number one boyfriend material but thankfully know he’s not perfect

✶ I’d say out of all dream, jaemin would have I believe the third highest score. potentially a tie with renjun for second if he tries hard enough. he gets the easy and hard questions correct without breaking a sweat and sometimes throw in extra info for that question, just to show that he really is attentive

✶ throughout the quiz, he would blow air kisses and reach to grab your hand but you would think that he’s trying to cheat. which leads you to move it out of his reach and leaving him with a small pout

✶ another pouter on our hands guys ! he mostly pouts when he doesn’t get his bonus points or when you reject bonus points from him. no jaemin, you cannot get two bonus points just cause you named your partner’s dream career out of nowhere

✶ when it comes to jaemin’s questions, he is very nice about it and isn’t too harsh with the questions. though, he does throw some curveballs so prepared for that. he’ll go from what’s favorite movie to who’s the first person he talked to on the phone that day

⤹ ⊹ ZHONG CHENLE

✶ an actual comedy show when a couples quiz and chenle is combined. listen, he believes these questions doesn’t prove that he is a good boyfriend but he will do it just for the sake of you :p

✶ but at the same time, he will put on a game face and take this couples quiz veryyyy seriously. he refuses to even let a slim of doubt enter you just cause of a couple incorrect answers. I do believe as just as the amount of answers he gets correct, his ego gets stronger and you can tell from his stance

✶ though, (just like renjun) almost every answer he would get wrong, he would firmly believe that he is right. he’ll have you thinking that maybe YOU’RE the one with the wrong answer. he’ll do everything in his power to prove that he’s right and sometimes it gets a bit scary how hard he’s fighting for that point

✶ I would say that his score is pretty decent but he definitely could have done better. though after the interview, he’s still stuck on the questions he got wrong. cause wym your favorite ice cream isn’t cookies n cream ???? he literally saw you eat it last week

✶ now chenle giving you the questions….be prepared for a lot of sass, a lot of dramatic signs, and a lot of ‘I thought my partner knew me better mmcht’

⤹ ⊹ PARK JISUNG

✶ literally the best and most perfect companion for this quiz (yes I’m being biased, sue me). the man who would score the highest out of all seven boys but still keep a humble posture throughout the quiz. he blushes after you praise him for the amount he gets correct, which is all ofc :)

✶ sometimes he’ll be specific for certain questions, even after you told him he can keep it vague. he’ll go into detail of how your morning routine is set or little signs to show that you’re not in a talkative mood at the moment

✶ deeper questions are the ones that he is the most confident in, he mentally prepared himself for these type of questions. he’ll give reasons as to why you dislike this food or how you have a heavy distaste towards sports. starting to think it’s just jisung’s excuse to ramble about you

✶ as mentioned before, jisung isn’t as cocky as the members but internally, he knows he got this quiz in the bag. he stays humble and gushes on how much he got right

✶ for questions about himself, he’s one hundred percent sure that you’ll get majority correct. but he isn’t worked up if you were to get them wrong; instead, he lets a lighthearted ‘tsk’ and tells you the correct answer. he also reassures you that you still are a good partner to him, no matter how many you have gotten wrong :)

౨ৎ honestly shocked on how little time this took but I’m really happy with how it came out :)

౨ৎ lemme know if you guys want a 127 and/or wayv version of these hcs 😋

kisses to you all and God bless you 💗

100 notes · View notes

barbatusart · 1 day

Text

adding on to the initial evil wyll post here, messy thinking outloud below the cut lol

one thing i really like doing with characters that feel underwritten is taking that nebulous quality at face value & as deliberate authorial choice. i also feel that in this light, it was no accident that wyll went from boisterous & egotistical to a more gentle & humble demeanor yet still retained the entire warlock pact backstory (which again if a character is in a warlock pact at all that says something about them imo)

mixing this all together for myself - the humble & charming persona, the “blade of frontiers” spoken of like he’s talking about someone who isn’t himself, the scorned boy striving to become the hero arguably to try & fill that psychic wound hole his father’s rejection left in him - im left with a portrait of a man with a nature steeped in a strange breed of the duplicitous. the nature of his pact with mizora demands secrecy to begin with (the reason for his banishment in the first place when he physically couldn’t speak a word of it to his father to explain) but i feel this motif goes a few steps further - on a surface level one could argue that he feels he needs to (for lack of a better word) “trick” those around him into believing he is heroic, he is chivalrous, he is kind, he is gracious, because he cannot attribute those qualities to his own self. which is wild because wyll IS heroic, chivalrous, kind, gracious, & all of these good qualities, he’s inarguably a very gentle & sweet man. i think that’s part of what “duplicitous” means here, but i feel the real core of it is something way harder to get his hands around than a lack of self esteem

to me, any time i run into a character that feels underwritten or nebulous it becomes an opportunity to consider them as a character who is ignorant of their own motivations. with the prior paragraph of needing to fill that void with other’s approvals to try & manufacture self worth, i think that’s what he’s doing & simultaneously is 100% unaware that he’s doing it on any conscious level. but take all that a step further into an evil wyll playthrough, the void of self worth is still present & he still is unaware he is trying to fill that hole, but leaning harder into his pact it becomes not only trying to fill that void with approval (to become the blade of frontiers) but with power. if he’s aware of trying to glean self worth from others’ love, it’s only on a subconscious level & therefore completely obscuring the real darkness of an evil run of that self worth manifesting as power - denied from his exile, arguably hunted for in his making a pact at all. a simultaneous “people will adore me” and “the people Will adore me.” acknowledging that At All however would completely fly in the face of the cover of wanting approval for approval’s sake, & in the same way he can’t bear to speak of himself as the blade i feel he certainly couldn’t bear to speak of himself as any kind of egomaniac, or anything Genuinely negative that would make him have to look at himself

and ultimately that’s what’s really interesting to me about my character interpretation of what we have of wyll, this subconscious damnation of the self for what amounts to extremely normal human things to want. everybody wants to be loved, everybody wants security. it’s not bad to do good deeds because they make you feel good, it’s not bad to enjoy praise & a pat on the back for a job well done. designwise if the eyes are the window to the soul & one has been clawed out and replaced with stone - outside of other people no longer being able to “see” the full picture of the bearer (lacking that window), what would a stone make of that self. i think if a stone could speak or think, it would be very black and white, rigid, and demanding of itself to be cold calculating perfect stone.

sloppy as always but still, much to think about

#wyll ravengard #baldur’s gate 3

45 notes · View notes

imagionationstation · 3 days

Note

so I would like more ideas on the whole “2012 Donnie ends up in prison dimension” au thing.

if you don’t have any it’s completely okay!

just maybe…how are the 2012 turtles (and Splinter) holding up? And how would the 2018 turtles react when 2012 Donnie has to go back home? Does he? Or does he stay? I think it’d be fun if their were two alt endings. One where 2012 Donnie stays in the rise universe and one where he doesn’t. Idk

Srry I’m yappin’ lol

Oh, don’t worry. I’ve been poking at this AU all day.

I have, like, five scenes overlapping each other. Because I’m normal.

*ahem*

“So what if instead of merely erasing him, she decided to put him somewhere that no one could ever reach him? A dimension from where things are known never to return? A place where April could never get him back without her assistance?”

Lil’ miss overpowered demon would have wanted April to know that she shipped Donnie off somewhere instead of outright murder. Then, she could hold it over her head you need me to get him back to prevent her from ever shattering the Crystal. But considering that’s blackmail and April knew that the longer that freak was in her brain, the more likely it was that she’d obliterate New York- well, she was determined to find Donnie back without her help.

And so April assures that brothers that he’s alive. And they immediately begin a search ✨

I’m sure that there would be a lot of tension, fear, and worry, but they KNOW he’s alive out there somewhere, (probably suffering if Za-Naron’s vague taunts were true), so they’re going to get him back, and the sooner the better. *Insert car chase music*

And the best part is that the 2012brothers have never actually been separated for more than a few hours. Like, in any episode.

Imagine days apart not knowing if Donnie is even alive.

At least they have each other. Donnie, on the other hand…

I think how the Risebrothers react to their arrival to bring Donnie home would depend highly on how long Donnie remains with them. However, it’s not through an “we adopted him” standpoint.

Remember, Leon and Donnie were stuck in a crippled dimension for weeks. They were barely surviving, avoiding Krang at every turn, convinced that they’d never see their families again. Leon would have told Donnie about the prison dimension’s purpose and how no one could ever risk coming. How his family had to see to it that no one ever came through for the sake of everyone in his dimension.

They had to live with that knowledge for a time period that probably felt like an eternity.

A seed of doubt was planted and they coped in different ways.

Donnie, keeping them both alive and his flickering hope burning through each passing moment, holds to the stubborn belief that if they wants to make it out, he only needs to, “Try harder.”

And Leon, willing to fight for Donnie but unwilling to surrender to the pipe dream of getting freed, assists the fight with a timid, but unbudging, “It’s not about me.”

Then, when they get out, their perspectives will be entirely different.

Leon will be home, but a part of him, the part that was counting down the minutes ‘till he dies, will still be in the prison dimension.

Donnie will be safe, but everything in him, every minuscule cell in his being that prayed for release, will be yearning for home.

So, we have two options. And no, I do not believe one of them involves him permanently living in the Rise verse. (Many apologies.)

Option one: Angst ending (They find him fast.)

Okay, so, if the 2012brothers were to arrive within days of Donnie getting free, I have no doubt that a desperate Donnie would go home without a second of hesitation and Leon would lose his anchor. He’d be stricken at the thought, aware of how much Donnie needs to leave, crippled under the looming weight of that sacrifice. He only suffered lived so Donnie wouldn’t be alone in that hellhole nightmare, and now Donnie is abandoning him leaving.

He’d be stiff, silent, barely managing a weak “okay” when Donnie shares the news. The conversation distracts anyone from really noticing his state of mind. It’s only once the 2012 gang leave the room that Raphael makes the mistake of touching his shoulder. After they barely calm a flash-back induced panic attack that leaves him wheezing and pale, crying and bleeding on the floor where he’d attempt to flee from them, the Risebrothers decide that they can’t let Donnie walk out. Raphael and Michael are torn, because Donnie needs the familiar sights of home as much as Leon needs Donnie, but Don has no such limitations. I almost want to say the same for Lou. He sacrificed the world for his kids. This is nothing.

As you can imagine, family fights for custody never go well.

Option two: Happy Ending (Finding him takes time)

If the brothers were to arrive several weeks/month or so into the future, long enough for Leon to readjust to society and no longer need Donnie as a reminder that he’s home and not completely delulu in the brain, it would go much smoother. Obviously, Donnie would be more desperate than ever to get home. The kind of desperate that leaves him broken in their arms when they finally appear, promising through sobs that he tried so hard to get back to them he did he swears he never stopped he tried-

And considering the Risebrothers don’t have a single cruel bone in their body, they wouldn’t hesitate to let him go home. He’s welcome any time, of course, and Leo makes him promise to find a way back during one, big goodbye squeeze, but they accept that right now, he needs to go. Donnie kept their brother alive and helped truly bring his scattered brain home. Why shouldn’t they return the favor?

30 notes · View notes

tuffmallowinteractive · 1 day

Text

Tuff Mallow Update 4/18/24

Let's talk about all the things.

I've always been a "tell you like it is" person to a fault. I have never had a problem being direct, even if it has been awkward sometimes communicating.

So if I haven't had anything to say, you can be sure something serious is up.

Most recently I moved. And it was necessary. I was in a previous living situation that made game dev nearly impossible. I'd kept trying though, even as the world was crashing around me, while trying to keep up a front that everything was good. My dev friends were like "JmB, things are not okay."

It was a hard pill to swallow. So I doubled my efforts, took on more work and finally moved and wow have things been moving fast since then!

I went to GDC 2024!!

Having peace of mind in my own home was already awesome, but then the opportunity to go to GDC arose and I couldn't turn it down! I traveled to San Francisco and attended the week long event for people of the gaming industry, via a scholarship initiative by Black Voices in Gaming! I learned so much and made so many connections with talented phenomenal game industry professionals. But most importantly, I came to understand that this little Mallow has a place in the gaming industry. That the way I am is valid. That I don't need to be perfect, and that other game professionals want to see other creatives succeed and are also actively working towards that goal. It was inspiring and humbling and I never felt more a part of a community. It just reminds me to try harder to build up the creatives around me because if we all come up together, we come up strong!

Well Now We Are Back in Action!

I am back home. Finally stabilizing a workable schedule. And finally able to finish the things I promised! I owe people content!

- The Closet Door main release

- Background art to clients

- Chibi art to a supporter

- Some art for upcoming jam releases (shhhh)

There's so much going on this month!

I want so desperately to promise that TCD will be out next month- I mean all I have to do is finish coding the game in!

But for now...

I'm just taking it one step at a time.

You'll definitely know when I release this game (as well as announce the other projects I've been fortunate to be a part of, as well as the solo projects I've been working on behind the scenes. Because I am SO READY!!

As soon as I can officially make a beta version of The Closet Door (late April or Early May), things will move pretty fast! So at that time I hope you will still be with me on this journey, as it's been hell for us all getting here. I'll most likely announce it on all media channels.

Professionals Do... Their Best

I'm thankful. Always thankful. I would never have made it this far without the kindness people have shown me.

I am not perfect.

Professionals are not perfect. And I refuse to attempt perfection anymore, as I've learned just how toxic that can be to anyone's physical and mental health.

Best believe at any point that I am striving to do the best I can. I will always give the best of what I've got to my work and to others if I can help in any way.

And I will continue to strive towards being genuine and expressing those beliefs in everything I do and make.

I probably won't post another very personal dev post like this again. But it needed to be said.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm AlwaysJmB.

And I am doing my best. 💗

Until next time~

#tuff mallow #amare game #theclosetdoor #visual novel #otome news #otome

23 notes · View notes

exhuastedpigeon · 1 day

Note

Buckxtommy? Eww 🤢🤢 tommy is racist

I wasn't going to answer this because you're clearly a child without the ability to understand that characters, like real people, can grow, but actually I'm going to answer it and it's going to be LONG.

This got really long so I'm putting it under the cut but if you don't want to read it there's the TLDR:

Tommy was, at best, a passive member of the boys club at the 118 when we first meet him and at worst an active member who made Chim and Hen's lives harder when they first joined, but as the shitty people left the 118 and were replaced with less shitty people, Tommy starts to become kinder and more accepting and less of a toxic macho man.

He's friends with Chim and Hen when he leaves the 118. He's been away from the 118 for probably 7-8 years at this point and in that time he has clearly continued to grow.

People can change. People do change. Sometimes it takes meeting new people to spur that change and sometimes it takes a change in scenery. For Tommy it seems to have taken a mix of both to get him to where he is today - a funny, sweet, kind, queer man who is willing to STEAL A HELICOPTER and FLY INTO A FUCKING HURRICANE because someone he worked with for a few years almost a decade ago had a hunch. He believed Hen and Chim. He trusts them and they trust him.

So here's my question anon? Why don't you?

And now for the very long part under the cut...

When we first meet Tommy Kinard in Chimney Begins he is a part of the old boys club that is the LAFD and the 118. He's a person surrounded by shitty people and he adapts and behaves like them.

We don't know much about Tommy, but by the end of the episode he accepts Chim as a teammate and friend because Chim proves himself to Tommy. Do I think you should have to prove yourself to be accepted? No. But i understand the thought process because you're relying on people to have your back and save your life. We also find out Tommy's favorite movie is a romcom - not your typical toxicly masculine answer.

He shows growth in Chimney Begins and I cannot stress this enough, at the end of that episode Chim and Tommy are friends. We don't have an exact date at the end of Chimney Begins, but we can assume based on when Bobby joins and when Hen joins that it was at least a decade prior, if not more to where we are currently in canon.

In Hen Begins Tommy is still a part of the boys club at the 118, but you can see that he (and a lot of the team) don't actually agree with Captain Gerard, but he's their boss. They can't exactly call him out because that puts their own job on the line. You can see Tommy look at Gerard like 'what the fuck' when he calls Hen a "diversity hire" but he doesn't say anything in that moment - Chim does and Gerard brushes him off.

Sal makes a gay joke about Tommy in this episode and Tommy plays it off as a joke because what else is he suppose to do? Tommy looks uncomfortable when Gerard starts going on about female recruitment in the LAFD and him saying/implying that female firefighters aren't as strong, etc. He doesn't say anything, but I ask? Would you be brave enough to risk your job for someone you just met a few months ago?

When Hen gives her big speech Tommy looks back at Chim and sees him nodding. He looks at Chim because (I think) he's reminded of how they treated Chim when he first started. It's Tommy that says Hen's instincts are good after she disobeys orders and goes looking for another victim (who would have died if she hadn't). Tommy and Sal shake her hand and then Tommy pats her on the shoulder and says 'you're good'.

This interaction is both similar to and different from Tommy's 'moment' with Chim. Similar because it seems like Tommy needs new firefighters to prove they can be there before he trusts them and different because the Chim and Tommy moment is framed as the start of a friendship and that moment with Hen and Tommy is framed as the start of a good working relationships.

The next scene is Hen talking to their new interim captain about how her colleagues are impressed with her and how they've filed complaints against Captain Gerard. We can assume that Tommy was one of those colleagues.

Then we get Bobby Begins Again - Tommy is laughing and joking with Hen about how long the new captain will last. Tommy even asks to place a bet on credit and Hen jokingly says he better pay because she knows the bookie.

Tommy is shown to be a part of the team - the Hen and Chim team - on calls. Yes, he's still friends with Sal but he's much less likely to be at Sal's side when Sal makes shitty comments. Tommy even tells Sal to stop when Sal starts going off on Bobby.

The next scene we see Tommy in is him hanging out with Hen and Chim at a bar - when Hen tells them that Bobby didn't fire Sal, he suspended him and found him a new spot, Tommy takes that information and accepts Bobby because he finds out he's a good man and a good captain.

Then we see Tommy, Chim, Hen, and Bobby hanging out, sharing war stories. We even hear Tommy talk about 'scars helping him get women' because he's still not out with the team yet - he's still hiding that part of himself because he isn't ready yet (and because that wasn't a part of the storyline for Tommy at the time).

The rest Tommy's part in Bobby Begins Again is just showing how the 118 is becoming more than just a team - family dinner for example. Tommy smiles and is excited at the idea of 'family dinner'.

When he leaves the 118 Hen and Chim are happy for him and celebrate the move because it's a good career move for him. They even smash his face into the cake!!!

AND THEN in Broken Chim calls Tommy to ask him for a favour. A favour that saves the 118s asses.

That doesn't even touch on the Tommy of today - the Tommy who is brave and kind and trusting and funny. The Tommy that Chim is friends with, that Eddie is now friends with, that Buck has a HUGE crush on.

If you like the Firefam (which I'm hoping you do since they're the main cast of the show) I would hope you also trust their judgement. If they like a character who wasn't great in the past but has grown, we should see that growth and hopefully like them too.

You can dislike Tommy all you want, but don't try to tell me it's because 'he's racist' because that isn't true. He's evolved like people do. We should want more characters like Tommy because they remind us that just because we've done something shitty in the past it doesn't mean we can't grow too.

Anyone who says OOH TOMMY IS A RACIST HOW CAN YOU LIKE HIM clearly doesn't watch the show. Just because his development happened off screen doesn't mean it didn't happen.

#asked and answered #long post #i'm so annoyed at y'all #i went back and watched parts of all three begins eps for this #and YOU CAN SEE THE GROWTH IN EACH OF THEM #911 #tommy kinard

23 notes · View notes

jqhotchner · 2 days

Text

stars

thirteen

aaron gently kisses yn neck. she groans in her sleep before slowly blinking her eyes and looking at her husband with a smirk. aaron lifts himself up and starts kissing her all down her body.

yn holds onto her husband as he looks at her and smiles lovingly. she gasped when he slides inside her, still completely soaked from last night. aaron groans in her ear as he thrust into his wife gently.

“aaron,” she grunts softly.

“couldn’t help it. looked so beautiful pregnant with our baby. fuck, you feel amazing.” he whispers. yn runs her hands all over his body. she knew they didn’t have much time. jack would be up any moment begging for breakfast.

“please, need you harder baby.” she moans. aaron kisses her passionately before fucking into her roughly. he grunts over and over again.

aaron looks down and moans at the way yn body responds to him. he could never get enough of her. “all mine.”

“yours, only yours!”

aaron rubs her clit slowly.

“so close, baby? you gonna cum with me?”

“yes, please? im close aar. right there.”

“yeah?”

yn hums as aaron continue to fuck her exactly how she needed. soon enough yn moans out as she came, aaron following right after.

she whines softly when he slowly pulls out of her. “that was a great way to wake up.” yn giggles.

aaron smiles as he kisses the top of her head. yn runs her hands on his chest as she traces the tiny tattoos near his heart. he wasn’t the type to get tattoos but he wanted to have a piece of his family with him at all times. it’s why he’s got yn and jacks birthdate side by side. yn new he’d add the new baby’s birthday as soon as they’re born.

“what do you think we’re having?” yn whispers.

aaron looks down at her and gently runs his hands on her bump. “i just know it’s a boy.”

yn laughs. “yeah? how so?”

“i didn’t believe in that theory that women carry low if it’s a boy and higher if it’s a girl until after jj had henry. haley carried low and so did jj. that’s when i became a believer. though reid would say otherwise.”

yn giggles. “i think it’s a boy as well. whatever they are, im gonna love them so much, aar! our perfect family.”

“and maybe add a few more, huh?” aaron smirks. “how many babies you want, ill have.” aaron chuckles before kissing yn gently.

“mama! daddy! breakfast.”

“that’s our cue, love.”

#jqhotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #jqhotchner masterlist #aaron hotchner x black!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #stars jqhotchner

33 notes · View notes

docholligay · 1 day

Note

Do you think having such a personalized and detailed headcanon makes it harder to enjoy fic about the show/game that's written by others?

I mean sure, probably.

But unfortunately things I adore, for people named Doc who are me, fall into one of two buckets:

The character work and plot in this show are incredible, I find myself turning it around in my mind like a rotisserie chicken. I constantly discover new things about the show/book/game or the characters in it. I do not read fic about this, because why would I? Every answer I search for is in the text. I want to talk about this with someone, but about what is THERE, not what could be there. Ex: The Haunting of Hill House, Picnic at Hanging Rock, Piranesi, Bioshock:Infinite, Watership Down, Yellowjackets, among others.

The concepts of this could be amazing but are handled so fucking badly so consistently, in a shocking contrast to how INCONSISTENT the character work is, that all I want to do is steal it and make it better. All i want to do is turn it into something that doesn't suck ass when you look at it too hard. So I am going to take it SO seriously, and I am going to develop the rich inner lives for these characters that they lack, with intense backstories and families and motivation for how they got to be the person we know, or know sometimes, in certain episodes or shorts. Ex: Sailor Moon and Overwatch are the biggies here obviously, this is actually not an emotion I feel very often. I don't have intense backstories and extra-textual feelings and ideas about most of the stuff I read and watch, these two are just my Spiders Georg.

So! The odds on me being into something in the correct way to make me want to Seek Treasure Elsewhere but also I have a chill enough attitude about how the characters are that Any Dream Will Do is almost nil. I do not in ANY way mean this in a shady way, but I mostly read published adult fiction for entertainment and not fanfic. I am very picky about my fanfic. So, "plus these two new red and blue girls into Starbucks" often won't work for me, because the reasons to have Haruka and Michiru meet in a coffee shop are completely different from any of the reasons Fareeha and Angela might meet in a coffee shop, and so many of those types are archtypical plug and play stuff. Honestly, I have skated the idea of making a cheat sheet of fanon archetypes of various characters and buying a typewriter to sell 100-200 word 'quick fic' at cons with my sister. That's how common it is to use these archetypes. This is not a criticism! At all!

But, to take the two couples above, I have read so much BORING SHIT about both HM and FA that I could throw up. Lesbian couples have a lot of very milquetoast writing about them, and a lot of meet-cute which isn't really my bag.

But there are authors I love! @oathkeeper-of-tarth was and is one of the best harumichi writers out there and we don't even have all the same headcanons. The rare occasions @verbforverb decides to grace me with "Jewish Mercy I don't Have To Write" I pop a can of bubbly in the tub. And on both fields of battle @keyofjetwolf has stuff I've had bookmarked for years, and there are some things even within Rei's backstory and history that we disagree on.

Actually, to that point what I like is good writing. You can write me into believing nearly anything. There are things I believe about Amelie when I'm reading @lemon-embalmer's stuff that when I go back to my own world, aren't true, but when I'm in her world who the fuck cares, I'm having a great time. EVEN MORE to the point, I read @moonlight-frittata's stupid sun and moon lesbian League of Legends shit and I would rather shoot myslef than know ANYTHING about the game, but unfortunately she has a beautiful turn of phrase and plot flow to her work that I just....read anyway, because it is good. Fucking @tallangrycockatiel had me like 25 pages or so into a story before I was like, "OH SHIT, IS THIS SLASH??? WAIT I DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT BOYS' LOVE!! NO!!" *hits next page* And I still could not care less about that podcast and would never listen to it, and if I did I would be massively disappointed because to my mind, her John and Arthur are the actual article, and whatever the fuck is going on in the source material can eat my dick.

So, yes, I DO think that having a very particular point of view is going to mean I back out of a story where like, "Lena stepped out of her Chelsea flat, custom leather high heels clicking against the step" sometimes, or, you know, "Haruka put down her copy of War and Peace, each meticulous note codified by a color-coded tab. Blue was for historical references to research, green for character analysis, yellow for themes, blah blah blah*" But I am actually shockingly open minded in what I will read, often to the point that I'm reading stuff from SHIT I DO NOT LIKE OR CARE ABOUT, because the quality of the writing is excellent. So, also no.

*I met someone who read books like this and I suddenly realized what the literary equivalent of 'knowing someone is a serial killer' was.

20 notes · View notes